#and i have exams to write i can't get covid now

[wetcatspellcaster]

I'm in the last few months of my PhD and am definitely flagging. Do you have any advice for the end of it?

Also, your writing is wonderful xxx

hey anon, sorry for the delay in replying, I was on holiday!!!

which is absolutely my first piece of advice - schedule a break, schedule a holiday if you are financially able to. This is a sincere plea from someone who DIDN'T do this (or rather, whose first 'break' was wiped out by covid), and it's the one thing i wish I'd done differently. Right now, you probably feel like you can't take time off (you can!) and after you submit you might be focusing on financial solvency like i was (don't!). Schedule a break. I have now had 6 months of non-stop deadline chasing and work since my surgery, and sure enough the cracks show heavily. i'm tired, my emotional regulation is shot, and i'm not doing well. DON'T become me!!! Take a day or two off in these final few months to enjoy yourself, and schedule in a CONCERTED break to be head empty once everything is over, or risk exhaustion and burnout.

my other piece of advice is subject dependent but: the thesis doesn't have to be perfect, it just needs to be done.

if you're a humanities student like i am, you will probably get corrections. your thesis could be the sistene chapel of theses, and it probably will still get corrections. so if you're pushing wordcount, or coming up against comments from your supervisor that just aren't feasible in the time you have left, then save the comment somewhere, then delete it from your current document. It can be a Corrections Era problem, not a Final Submission problem. do what needs to be done to have a submittable piece, action what feedback it's reasonable to action - and learn to trust your judgement on that! (sincerely, a me who still has issues with standing up to authority!!! I should've been deleting some stupid comments right out the fucking gate!!)

no one knows your thesis like you do. if there's feedback you don't agree with at this stage, cull it. if there's feedback that would take you over wordcount or that you just don't see the point of, cull it. trust in yourself as a scholar, and also know your limits. your supervisor isn't in your brain, and doesn't know how tired you are. There is a difference between essential feedback, and nice-to-haves, and at this stage the nice-to-have bandwidth is getting thinner and thinner. Action essential feedback, and then anything that is easy/quick to do, and will definitely improve your project. the rest can wait until post-exam x

[neristudy]

100 day of learning German: 46/100

I'm back in business, haha! My cold has been eased a little by the great power of paracetamol (it wasn't covid after all, thank goodness) and I'm still learning! It's worth noting, it's going quite hard for me (some topis are just not sticking with my poor brain, and der-die-das stuff are a nightmare) but that's ok, patience and hard work will get me through it all. And memorising. A looot of memorising xDD

Also, I found myself some small ring notebooks, and I can't describe my happiness! They're so rare here, it's weird, but hey, it's great that I have them! I love to have freedom to pick and choose the order of pages in my notebook owo

Also, I've decided that I'm now going to not only write a Clozmaster listening page every day (here's a link to my guide on it here), but for the rest of the page, I'll write a little description of some random picture as a prep for my exam. Hope it will help me in the end~

[mrhaitch]

Greetings, Mr. Haitch.

I have some sort of situation at work and I think you will understand me. I am sorry in advance if this ask becomes too long for you to read.

I am a year 3 English teacher in a British school. I have studied English Language and Literature at uni along with having a teaching diploma. This is my first year teaching, but I have been a co-teacher for 5 years in two previous schools.

The thing is, the school I am in right now treats the language like maths or science, as in if the student didn't learn a specific skill, they won't lose the mark.

For example, the students learned how to use different speech verbs other than "said" and "replied" to be more creative in their writing through different situations and stories in their learning book. I was also specific with them because every situation or story has its own context, and they aren't the same, right?

Today, while correcting their term exam, they had a reading comprehension along with questions to answer. One of the questions is giving them a quote and they need to change the speech verb. Here it is: "Poor Apricot," said Adam, "I am really sorry for making you stuck in the closet."

The context of the reading is that the boy's cat was stuck in his closet but he didn't know and he got afraid of said "creature", so he brought his brother to help him out and in the end they get it out.

So, according to the context and how Adam is talking, instead of "said", the student can replace it with: cried, whispered, mumbled, anything that is soft and has relief in it. But god forbid, the students haven't learned what a context is, so any speech verb, including shouted, yelled and screamed, can be considered correct.

This isn't the first incident with my colleagues and I know they are just used to how they correct, but this time it doesn't make sense at all for me. I just can't divide language skills upon the years. Yes, of course, there are some skills or language difficulties that should be acquired from certain ages, but a year 3 student doesn't know by any means what a context is? Then how can they identify the emotions of the characters, how they act feeling these emotions, how the characters act upon these emotions or the situation they are in? Aren't all these things called "context"?

I apologise again for "yapping for too long," like one of my students sometimes tells me 😂😂. I hope you get what I mean because they are really confusing me. It isn't about the grade itself, but how they see it as just a subject, not a proper language. Thank you for your time.

It's a tricky one: we're still working through the cohorts of students affected by COVID so there's an uneven distribution in terms of fundamental knowledge and understanding. I'm certainly still seeing it with my students.

I think you're right to be confused and perhaps even a bit frustrated. Sadly much of the UKs education system is viewed as a box ticking exercise, a reversion to that old fashioned learn-by-rote, "give me the answer but who cares if you understand it" style.

The appropriate response, I feel, would've been to slow down and back track. If gaps in your students' understanding are starting to appear, those gaps have to be filled in order for them to progress. I'd double check the syllabus and lesson plans, get a sense (if you're new to the school) when they typically focus on things like context and make adjustments to your delivery accordingly.

It could also be an idea to find ways to connect each subsequent topic to the missing skill - create discussions around appropriate use of language, asking them if the language used in a given text or situation seems appropriate. If you can't lay the foundation, it might be possible to reverse-engineer one.

Hope that helps. Unfortunately it sounds like a symptom of the wider course structure and insufficiencies in earlier delivery.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi Cas,

So I just found out that you're a teacher and I have been struggling with school quite a lot lately so i could really use some advice.

Let me give u some background context, before COVID I used to be a straight A student, in like all subjects except maths ( i used to get Bs , which was kinda ok).

But during covid, I like stopped studying as hard as I used to which has a very bad effect on my academics now that I've returned to school.

My studying capacity has really reduced and i really really struggled to maintain a good GPA in these previous academic years. ( i passed my mind sem exam by 2%) And now I'm going to start a new academic session (bcoz the next 2 academic sessions r literally one of the most important years of my education) and I need to get my shit together, I did some self reflection and have realised that I waste a lot of time on my phone & laptop and even when I'm not using them i just waste a lot of time but just lying in bed and doing nothing.

I just finished a semester with a very stressful period of exams and have some free time on my hands (like 15 days ig), and I really want to use this time fruitfully.

So as a teacher, what do you suggest I do?

p.s- thank you so much for listening to all our problems and giving advice, you're like a guardian angel and i really appreciate what you're doing. ♥️♥️

Hi hon!

First, I think it's amazing that you're reflecting and wanting to do better, especially at your age. It's difficult to make those realizations, you know?

Also, I want you to know that you are absolutely not alone. SO many people are struggling after covid.

I think the biggest things to put in place, especially as school gets tougher (which is natural as you get older) are strong study habits, organization, and time management. You can't always control the difficulty of classes, but you CAN control how you deal with that.

So, over the next few weeks, I'd suggest taking some time to first, get yourself organized. If you don't already have one, come up with a system that works to keep all your books, notes, assignments, etc in order. And then STICK to it.

Next, practice some different ways of time management. Do you work better with lists or a planner? Alarms on your phone? Rewarding yourself after every twenty minutes of work with a Tumblr break, or just getting the whole assignment done at once? Reflect on how you manage your time best and make sure those systems are put in place before classes start. Then, STICK to them.

Last, reflect on your study habits. What's the best way for you to study? Do you prefer to read information? Rewrite it in notes? Say it aloud? Make flashcards? Some other way? If you're not sure, try each one. Knowing the best way to study for YOU will help you later when you have tests so you're not wasting time making flashcards if you really benefit more by reading.

Once you figure all this out, make sure to stick to it. Even when it sucks. Because if you do, you won't get as overwhelmed when things start to get tougher. I'll be honest with you, I literally started using a time management strategy I hadn't used since high school just the other day because I had so many things going on and it was SO helpful!

Remember, you've got this! I believe in you!

(Also I am naming you student anon in case you want to write again!)

[cosmicbutterflyphoto]

Bird Sanctuary - Day 1

So I'm a bit late at talking about my time at the World Bird Sanctuary, but I've only had three shifts so far, so now is as good a time as any to start writing about it. Since I am working in the rehab hospital, these entries might not always contain happy things, since we deal with birds that can't always be saved, but we do our best.

I signed up to volunteer on a whim, and said I would go pretty much wherever they needed me, and the rehab hospital was where I was assigned. It was around labor day, so the director of the hospital wasn't going to be in, but August 30th in the morning was to be my first day.

I'm going to preface this by saying this ended up being day 1 of my first time catching COVID, and I didn't know it at the time. I feel horrible for going in with it, but I assumed my fatigue was due to lack of sleep (looking back, there were other signs, but there's nothing to be done about it now).

I got there at 8 am, and once the staff showed up shortly after, I was quickly put to work folding and putting away laundry from the night before. I was shown the morning chores list and told to just pick off the list when I got in early, and assisted with various cleaning and prep tasks (putting meds on food, getting the meals sorted, etc). I was told I wouldn't actually handle birds until my second or third day, but I was able to watch some of the exams when I had a few minutes between tasks.

Most of my day was doing bucket cleaning while the birds got their morning checkups. In a rather short amount of time, you have to note any leftover food or casts, scrub all the poo/urates off the walls of the cage, disinfect with simple green, rinse with water, change the mat and cage cover if needed, and put the perch back so the cage is clean and ready when the bird returns. I was a bit slow at this and they had to wait to return the birds to the cage a couple times, but my speed was due to a combo of being new and struggling due to the then-unknown COVID infection.

It was a busy morning so they weren't able to show me the outdoor mews or the lower site like they planned, so it was mainly cleaning. But I got to meet Sven, the emotional support rat, so that was a plus.

[unforth]

Look, I can imagine you being upset about the post you reblogged but I only can speak for myself, when I read that long as post it says 'yeah we do not want censorship' but I am fucking disabled and I can't get enough energy to really read about 'is this an attempt on censorship or is it something that masks as a good cause and is not it' and since I do not have the energy to understand the issue to it's fullest, I can't reblog it. And I do not know you good enough to know and understand all your options. That is not apathy. And I am sorry. It is a mere explanation that stuff can be hard to understand sometimes, and even if it is an important cause, some people are just here to drown their heads in fandom stuff, because everything else is already eating so much energy. This is not meant as 'your callout is unjust' because I really don't know. It is more an 'sometimes things are hard and sometimes you can't fight every fight'.

...I'm sorry, anon, do you want absolution?

I can't give you that.

You are well within your rights to say, "this might be important but I don't have the spoons for it right now" and move on. I'm not saying you, personally and specifically, have to care, have to prioritize this over getting through each day. Life is fucking hard. I get it.

We're all overwhelmed and tired. You can always decide "this is not an issue I can focus on right now." If you follow me, you can clearly see it IS an issue that I'VE decided to focus on right now. That's a decision which we each make for ourselves.

But I do wonder why you felt the need to send me all this just to tell me you don't have the spoons. I can't offer you forgiveness. Only you can genuinely say if this is "I don't have the bandwidth for more right now" or if you're just using that as an excuse not to engage.

What I don't understand is why you felt the need to write me a long anon as if you have to justify that decision to me, personally, and especially doing it on anon... I don't know who you are. I'd almost certainly forgive a friend. Heck, my wife hasn't reblogged a lot of my stuff on this topic and of course I forgive her. She's also disabled, and she's studying for the bar exam, and Tumblr is her happy place. I know she's acted for anti-racism in other ways; she knelt at my side in our city's downtown during the early Covid BLM protests. I can offer HER absolution and forgiveness, because I know who she is and what she stands for and why she isn't choosing to engage much on tumblr.

But anon... I don't know you.

I have no absolution or forgiveness to offer. You either can give that to yourself, or you can't. And since you felt the need to send this to me... yeah, I don't know what you thought I was gonna say.

Good luck, I guess?

[dojae-huh]

Hlo huh nim..! Happy New Year! How was your first day? Since it's a fresh start, I wanted to share my little journey with Doyoung. I hope you won't get bored.

To be honest, I wasn't into any Kpop stuff before. Even now, I only follow NCT and don't really look for other groups. But seriously, COVID brought a lot of people into Kpop, including me. And you know what? I'm really grateful for it because I got to meet Doyoung.

It was amazing how I got interested in him through his old videos when he was just starting out. YouTube only showed me his time with NCT 127, and I saw all the criticism he faced for newly joining, not being a dancer and the teasing from his members. He even had haters calling him ugly. But we all know that he had a glow up after that. Everything was happening back then, and I even found out about his show champ era afterwards. Funny, right?

But what really made me admire him more and more was his savageness and youthful energy. Then he started getting more opportunities and his popularity increased. Now he's the global ambassador for DOLCE&GABBANA, a famous fashion brand. Isn't he great? As an idol, he's far better than a lot of people and serves as a great role model. Everything, and I mean everything, about him makes me wonder. I'm his fan, but I don't even want him as my boyfriend. It would just be amazing if I could talk to him. That would be heaven for me. That's how much I love and respect him. He's truly someone worth following, and I'm glad I chose him as my idol.

Seriously, these past few days with his McDonald's project and all those hate comments have made me really sad. I don't want those people to understand what he's doing, nor do I want to explain it to them. Nobody explained it to me, but I still understood it. If they really wanted to understand, they would have done the same, but they don't want to. So what's the point of explaining? Besides, he's a grown-up and he knows what he's doing. Who are we to judge his decisions? But all these situations have made me realize one thing for sure: I love Doyoung more than I even thought I did.

I'm not sure if it's because I liked him when he was unknown, but even if his popularity doesn't grow this year or his fans abandon him, I don't mind if he becomes unknown again. I'll always be there for him in any way I can, supporting and cheering him on for his success. Do I sound like an idiot who is starstrucked by some kpop idol?? 😅

The post got a little longer...let me conclude with the new year wishing.. May this year bring happiness and success to everyone who knows how to show kindness like Doyoung. Happy New Year huh nim...have a great year...

(This Ask dropped while I was writing the "sad post", so it's independant)

Happy New Year. I ended up procrastinating after all, heh. It's so easy to find an excuse not to work...

You know, I like how idols serve as a kind of diplomats and ambassadors. Korea gained a lot of soft power thanks to its tv-series and music. And eventhough I don't subscribe to the notion that idols and celebreties must be the best of people, unblemished and untainted (their job is to act, sing, write music, nothing more), it is nice to have not only talented people but also those who can serve as a good example amidst their ranks. They have reach afterall.

Doyoung's type is rare. He is a natural "soft" leader who leads through earned respect. It is no wonder his fans turn into the people he takes care of as well (I'm referencing to all his life advice, the way he tries to build up a mutual emotional support bond, be better (History exam) to be worthy of following).

It is advantageous to have all these programmes and interviews recorded and available, to have idols do lives and vlogs. They are not just highly curated images anymore, PR managers can't hide the true characters of idols, paint a fake picture. I mean, they still can produce a desired impression, but a fan has the ability to test it by observing the idol in multiple contents. A person can't lie or act 24/7, there will be slip ups. Not to mention, authenticity is popular nowadays. Sure, it takes time to get to know an idol. Still, a fan can rely on and trust his/her own observations.

I want to point out that although Doyoung is a kind person, he doesn't let his kindness be used. His kindness isn't his weakness how it often is, he doesn't let others take advantage of him. One can only help others if he is mentally OK himself, from a position of power (energy resource advantage, financial stability, emotional health, etc).

Doyoung wants to stay in history, heh, be an idol to other idols. And he wants to sing. It is hard to fill in concert halls without demand. So let's wish him to be known. Kpop is still a niche genre. There are no soloists with a popularity on the scale of Western singers.

[studyblr-perhaps]

I noticed mathy looking notes in your post earlier. I've just returned to school after a 10 year break and I've never been particularly good at math. I'm taking a remote double time math course over the summer semester that starts in a few weeks and I'm a bit nervous as I've never taken math remotely. Do you have any pro-tips? :)

Hello! Tbh I don't think I'm the best person to ask for tips related to math, considering I barely just pass all my math courses. But I haven't failed any so yes. Disclaimer: I don't really know what remote learning is, but I'll assume it's similar to either the online classes we took during covid, or pre-recorded classes which we can watch later on. So my tips will be considering these two scenarios.

First of all, I think it depends on what course you're taking. Is it a specific course, like linear algebra, geometry, calculus, or any of the sort. If it is, I'd advise you brush up on the basics of those once (i.e. trigonometry and stuff for geometry, limits and all for calculus etc). Although I am sure your teacher will definitely go over the basics, most of the times the difficulty in solving maths lies in not being able to understand the basics.

If your math course is a non-specific course, whenever they start a new topic, they'll probably provide some basic info. Same as above, always understand that first. A lot many times in maths, I have come to realize, you can solve a lot of questions by knowing just basics, and not formulae.

Second, Solve questions. This is something I myself don't do often (thus the barely passing marks) and karma has bit my ass a lot many times for this. Maths is a skill, and you can only hone it by doing as much problems as you can. Now, don't overwork yourself and stress over all questions, sometimes some just don't solve no matter what you try.

You don't need to do every question in your practice problem sets, just to the most varied one. That is, if two questions have a similar approach for an answer and you know how to get to the solution after doing one, don't do the other. You can save that time and brain space for a different question which has a slightly different approach. Warning: some questions look solvable but then you sometimes get stuck on it halfway, be careful while judging which questions you know and can skip.

Third, make notes. It seems basic enough but I don't just mean the lecture notes. Make a separate sheet of just formulae or theorems which you require. You can use that sheet when you're solving practice questions. As you keep solving, you'll realize after a while you wouldn't need that formulae sheet at all. And if your examinations allow cheat sheet, you've already made one!

Fourth, google. Don't know the question, google the entire question word for word. Don't know a concept, google it. Can use chatgpt? Use it. Be honest when you're practicing, but when you can't understand or solve a question, be honest and just google it. 8/10 times the answer (or related similar question's answer) will always be there.

On the same note, youtube has some really good teachers. I do not know what level course you're taking, but Khan Academy and Organic Chemistry Tutor's videos has helped me way into two years of college. You can try these channels, or you can try other ones you find and like, too!

Lastly, find past questions. This is an occupational disease (if you can call it that) which has been ingrained into me after high school and the ridiculous amount of college entrance exams I had to give. Also Asian. Definitely also because I'm Asian. Questions which come in the exam are barely anything which you use practical knowledge for. I have done many many projects with my friends and none of us have ever used maths in the way we use and write in exams. Exam taking is a skill (I am bad at it) and it measures how good you are at taking an exam than how good you are at the subject. Sadly they do in the end judge us based on scores, so past year's question papers is absolutely necessary! A lot of times the questions are similar (my quantum mechanics midsem was the exact same as the previous batch's only the values were different. Same question, same concept, same approach to solution.) This will definitely give you an upper hand at solving exam questions.

And that's it! That's all I can think of right now. But please remember, learning is unique to each individual. What works for me may not work for you. Always, tweak and twist and experiment on what works best for you, and go with that. Sometimes it's exhausting, and it's okay if you spend an entire day binging a show (definitely not speaking from experience, nope). Just know that the next day, you'll pick up your pen and continue on your journey with maths!

TL;DR: brush up on basics, practice questions, use google and youtube to it's fullest, get past year exam papers, take rests and don't feel guilty, it's alright sometimes.

With that being said, thank you for the ask! I hope your course goes amazing and you have a wonderful time with it!!!!!!

Happy learning!

[jeramewrites2]

March 16 23

Good morning internet. This will be the start of something. I feel like I keep starting time and time and time again. My problem is finishing anything. I guess that is most people's problems but this is special because it is mine. I was watching a YouTube video yesterday and the topic of burr grinders came up. I have had the oxo one for I think about 3 or 4 years at this point. I make decent coffee. I don't go crazy. I have not bought a moka pot yet nor do I have an espresso arm. But this both look interesting. Anyway there was a fair amount of discussion about the fact that you should really clean your coffee grinder once a month. Or at the very least quarterly. This has not been the case for me. I think I have cleaned it maybe once in the 4 years I have had it. So this morning was the day to do it. Honestly it only took about 15 mins. There are not a lot of parts to pull off and clean and it is a rather simple machine. I am looking forward to the next grind.

Another topic of discussion is the slander of a French press coffee maker. Apparently that method is shit and I don't even need a 100 dollar coffee grinder if I am going to make my coffee that way. Well to that I will say. I am going to do what I like how I like and I don't care what the internet says. See I was raised baptist and the one thing that I learned from my time in the church is that you don't take everything that is said as gospel. Only take the parts of a philosophy that you like. The other parts you don't really even need to listen to or even understand.

I am standing at a crossroads now. I have Saturday off and I can read or I could try and write but I also need to study for my next exam in my Logic class. Which if I am being completely honest I can't believe I am doing as well in it as I am. But that is beside the point. I think that the Teaching Assistants are grading very easily right now. So I am hoping I can still pull out an A. I don't know just yet. The information is not that difficult it's just like learning a new way of thinking and writing. I will do at the very least some of the practice problems and see what goes from there.

I don't know if this is really something I just want to have out in the world. After all this is more of a journal entry but then again do I think anyone is ever really going to read this? No. Absolutely not. Not when you can think of everything else you can do and read on the internet. Ok I have been able to write for 10 mins without even really stopping which is a lot better than I have been able to do in a while.

Ace and Shadow's deaths have hit me hard and has made writing difficult. I am not over their deaths but I think I am getting ready to process them through my writing. I have had a few relations die in the last 3 years or so and well they didn't really effect me at all. My grandfather died but I had not been close to him since I was a kid. The same goes true for my uncle Matt. Once he had a wife and kids I was not a priority or even an after thought. Then again upon looking back isn't that the way that it should have been? Why would he hang out with his nephew when he had a new kid to take care of. I just wish that I had... I don't know if I actually wish things had been different. Both Helen and James are dead as well. I believe Covid got them both. Again I had not seen or spoken to them in 20 years probably. I remember talking to James as a kind but short of him buying me a subscription to National Geographic that I never read I don't know how close we really were even when I was a kid.

I did always like his truck though. That one I can say. As a kid I always got the feeling that I was someone to put up with and not someone that my family wanted around. That feeling still holds to this day. That is most likely low self esteem and I can say that all day but no one is calling me to come hang out. Everyone has their own lives and I am not to be involved in them. So here I sit and here I will stay. I am getting better and better with being alone.

[of-another-broken-heart]

I keep telling myself "you should get around to writing a summary, for yourself." Which means a big long post on here.

"The planner notes are great but no one can read those, your isolation is worsening, and it's not all because of the convenience of abandonment for others."

It's been over a year since I broke my knee, and also wrecked my ankle. Neither are healed, still. They are doing better. Sure. I still can't cross my legs. I can't kneel, or crawl, or do yoga. My balance and muscle strength are still barely half of what they were. Turns out unstable bones kinda fucks ALL of that up, who knew? (Plenty of people)

I'm never not mourning those aspects of my body that I actually loved, being torn away. I didn't get blessed with good looks. My metabolism was shit to begin with and then it got worse with diet culture damage and then stress and poverty. At least I was strong. At least I was flexible. I loved that. But I'm not allowed to love anything about myself. If I do, those things have to be destroyed. I loved pilates. I enjoyed yoga. I miss being able to go to a gym and do strength training with equipment I would never in my life have access to otherwise. All ripped away, body further damaged.

I don't think I'll ever drive again, either. My car is going to be a rusted-out husk before we can afford to pay someone to simply swap the fucking starter out. The starter I had to beg people to help me buy. To say nothing of the battery I was coerced into buying, too, with money that was meant for internet bills. Which is similarly sitting, rotting, wasted. I miss being able to at least go. Go. Have any independence at all. Go to the library. Go to the food pantry. Go to doctor appointments. Even when the main reason I stopped driving became my fatigue, at least I knew, in a pinch, in an emergency, I could GO.

I don't get to go anywhere, now. Still trapped in a basement most of the time. Even if I didn't have a broken body, even if my car ran, I don't have money to afford gas. I can't even trust the people I live not to infect me with a virus that will kill me. Masks are inconvenient. Caring is inconvenient. Can't I just be healthier already? Can't I just get drunk on the urgency of normal cocktails like everyone else? Over 2000 people dying each week, in the US alone, explicitly from this virus. But the Genocide in Chief said the pandemic is over! No, he ended the emergency, to save money and churn your body into corporate profits; and the propaganda machine was printing sweet, delicious advertisements for your mythical normal, and you are hungry, and selfish.

I got a call to remind me to schedule my annual physical exam. Free! With my insurance! Of course, the offices all come with a mandatory infection. And I can't get to them, even if there was one running clean air practices and universal masking.

I'm really fucking burnt out, subsisting on crumbs, and perpetually being let down by expecting even the most fucking BASIC acts of solidarity or community from people. "You are loved" feels as much a lie as "COVID is over." Which makes sense, considering I hear both from the same mouths.

I am participating in an autism survey this year. I finished the first two parts of it, and got paid. In Amazon gift cards. There's an irony there, I think, probably. I knew it would be gift cards going in, but I was honestly hoping for prepaid VISA ones. So I could give them to my mom, to toss in a tiny bit of help with the bills. On the plus side, if I live long enough, that means I can afford to get myself Dawntrail. Which is basically the only thing I have to look forward to. "Anything that keeps you from killing yourself is good." Right?

[myadhdbot]

tldr: nothing important

just knowing you might have adhd without the official diagnosis, and no means to even get one bc where you live in doesn't take mental health seriously, is so frustrating.

i relate to most of the adhd behaviours described online. i cannot regulate my attention. my recent hyper-fixation lasted almost an entire semester and i barely scraped through all the other subjects other than the ones i was really interested in. i also lose focus easily in class unless I'm writing every word they say down. executive dysfunction is an everyday thing. i cannot stop scrolling on the internet even though i mentally list all the better things i could be doing rather than waste time every 10-15 minutes. I'm easily bored and have had meltdowns in the past so yes i 98% think i have adhd probably a bit of anxiety as well.

but without the official diagnosis my imposter syndrome makes it so difficult to live guilt free. theres always stupid thoughts in my head saying if I'm just exaggerating things (i know I'm not) but it's so hard to shut down the voice and i go into a spiral thinking if I'm just being lazy, not working hard enough to get things done on time, not trying to remember important schedules or assignments, not trying complete my assignments or homeworks or reading until the very last minute.

my issues with memory also make it incredibly hard to recall anything other than some specific instances of my childhood and everybody (esp my mom) remembers a different version of me bc i lived in a boarding school from 11-16(until covid) and i was extremely high functioning. i used to ace tests without having to read too much and my boarding school had a very strict routine that made it easy bc i knew what i was supposed to do every minute of the day but when 11th grade came around everything changed even though i was still in the same boarding setup. i suddenly didnt do well in tests bc i hadn't needed to until then. so i don't know who i was, i don't know who i am or who I'm supposed to be.

i did nothing productive during the covid year couldn't concentrate in class. i read hp fanfics all day. i couldn't even read new books, or watch tv shows or pick up a hobby or learn a language (which is an interest of mine), nothing other than reading about the same people fall for each other in a thousand different au's. this was a very important stage in my student life and i didn't give university exams properly. i can't regret it bc i don't even think about it. i don't think about anything concrete but my mind is always busy.

(i don't even know where i was going with this. does this qualify as trauma dump?)

i see people with the same problems on the internet and it does relieve me to a certain extent but there's always doubt clawing at me. also bc in just 2 years I've to get a job and i hear how office spaces are not accomodating enough for nd folks and it's scary. i also don't really like the job profile very much but it's also bc i have no real direction in life. i dream about having a book cafe but it's not sustainable nor fair to my family ig.

sundays are not fun when you're in an existential crisis (if this even qualifies as one) and i have homework to do that I could've done anytime between the last 30 hours which I've procrastinated against doing until now.

[wonwoonlight]

Hi! I just wanted to say ty for all your writing and stories(: they're so wonderful!

I saw all your replies to my tags, I've been away from reading for a bit 'cause of finals and exams but I 100% agree! Covid sucked up half of my uni experience so I've kind of given up on making friends 😅🥲 everyone's kind of in their own bubble now, but shiny star (and all your other stories) bring me a lot of comfort (:

I hope that you've had a wonderful day and that life treats you super well(: 💕💕

hiii! i should be the one thanking you for reading them and even leaving your thoughts on a lot of them😭

i hope finals and exams went well!! i truly get what you mean by that, and while it's not going to be easy reaching out to people first everytime, i hope you'll do it when you find that person that you just felt like talking to (i have this sudden urge to make friends too sometimes haha). i mostly kept to myself too during university, but i was fine because i didn't mean to make friends anyway. so if you felt... somewhat okay in that state, then i'm glad!

can't be happier to know shiny star gave you any kind of comfort, we're both projecting our dream university lives here 😂😂

[colourful-dots]

seeing 5 movies in cinema january is turning reeeal fast into seeing 1 movie in cinema january :(

[ladyperceval]

Moving in with them...

A/N: hi my loves, I hope you are all well and I’m so sorry for the late update but I have been writing exams!

I passed them all, got my degree and as of today have a job! I am actually a writer, can't say much about it but thank you to all of you for telling me to pursue writing!

I will still try to update as much as I can while working, but you guys are going to have to send in many more ideas to help your girl out!

Anyway, let’s get on with it:

Lando Norris:

It wasn't planned and Lando never officially asked you to move in with him, it just kind of happened. You two had reached the six-month mark of your relationship and you were tired of having to go back home early in the morning for fresh clothes or have Lando drive you home late at night because you had an early morning the next day and Lando insisted on being a gentleman. It just reached the point where you had more clothes over at Lando's then at your own house. On race weekends when you couldn't join Lando, you were often found at his house, one of his hoodies thrown on and his bedsheets wrapped around your body, a pint of ice cream in your lap as you watched your boyfriend go around in circles. Your hand on your phone in case anything happened. When Covid happened and the country was out on lockdown, you had officially unofficially moved in. You were studying from home, taken care of Lando while Lando ensured your sanity. He was sweet, giving you kisses whenever he passed you, making you snack while you were attending classes and even staying up with you to study for tests and exams. You would repay him by making him a healthy (not burnt) dinner, massaging him after a really hard training session and just being there for him. A tradition of weekly movie nights was a must and although they were never on the same night, you always had one. That’s where you are right now, Lando's arms around you, your head on his shoulder. Your turn to whisper to him, the words still causing him to blush " I love you Lando" and his reply still made you smile.

"I love you too princess."

Mick Schumacher:

Mick and you moving in together was an unofficial thing as well. It was something that had been discussed many times before, it just never happened. Until the universe forced it to happen. You were applying for photography jobs and were lucky enough to land one in Monaco, but the thought of having to leave Mick was heart-breaking and you dreaded telling him the news but on the fateful night, Mick had told you about having decided to sign for Haas and that he wanted to move to Monaco. You saw the dread on his face as he announced his plans, his shock when you kissed him and announced your career opportunity left him smiling for days after the news was announced. It just happened that you were apartment hunting for places with Mick. The topic wasn’t even discussed but you both knew you wanted to live with each other. Mick was a breeze to live with. He let you have free reign of decorating the apartment, his opinion mattered and gave vital input but the fact that he trusted you was heart-warming and always made you smile. So, when he left for the last two grand prix of the season you started decorating the apartment for Christmas. You had contacted his mum to organize the recipes of all his favourite dishes so that on the day he came back, Mick could have a proper homecooked meal to celebrate how proud you are of him and the amazing things he has done this season.

Pierre Gasly:

Pierre could never hide a secret from you, so when he started watching house renovation shows you knew something was up, especially when he asked your opinion on everything. He even asked you a question that had taken you by surprise and although you have thought about it before, him asking what your dream kitchen would look like had confused you for the rest of the day. It was the summer break when you finally knew why. You had come over to Pierre's the one day after work only to find his apartment empty and a note on the kitchen counter for you. It simply read " meet me at your favourite building." you smiled at the idea of him remembering how you loved the architecture of the one apartment building in the city and immediately made your way over. When you arrived, the doorman was quick to let you enter and even told you the floor number and apartment number to go to. Shocked at the fact that you were allowed in, you made your way to the apartment. The door was slightly ajar, that when you pushed it open you were surprised to see flower petals on the floor leading you to your dream kitchen with a cake sitting on the counter, it had "will you move in with me?" in delicate icing and next to it on the quartz counter lay a key.

"So, will you?" Pierre's voice coming from behind you caused you to jump, but that was soon forgotten as you silenced his laughs with a strong passionate kiss and a mumbled "yes"

Max Verstappen:

Max just asked you to move in with him randomly one day. It was over breakfast, you were busy cooking and Max had walked in after his post workout shower, his arms wrapped around your waist and his head on your shoulders when he had asked the question. You had gently slapped his arm, having thought he was joking at the time, but when you didn't hear him laugh and turned around to face him, that’s when you knew he was serious. You said yes in a heartbeat and the next weekend you were moving your things into Max's place. He had offered to go apartment hunting and to find a place you both loved, but you had declined, you loved Max's place it held so many memories for the two of you and you were excited to make more. However, that didn't stop you from adding your personal touch to Max's once bachelor pad. The usual sterile apartment now felt homely to Max and mad him homesick whenever he left for a race. You had joined him for the final race, surprising him on the Friday night and showing your support for him. His arms didn't leave you the whole night and his personality becoming withdrawn as the weekend progressed. Your usual spunky boyfriend was a shell of himself on Sunday, your good luck kiss feeling useless when you knew the pressure that was on his shoulders. Your fingers never left your phone during the race, texting your friend about the surprise gift you had for Max and whether or not they should leave it in the apartment to surprise him when he returned. The last lap was all the confirmation you needed, but the joy of seeing Max on the top step had caused you to forget about his surprise. That is until you returned home and for the second time in 2 days you watched Max cry as he held the small Red Bull racing suit and the positive test.

Dani Ric:

Dani is indecisive. So, you knew from the beginning that even if he wanted you to move in with him, he would never ask until he knew for sure and you never pressured him into making the decision, not even when you were practically living with him during lockdown, nor when he expected you to be at his place all the time, not even when he told you that he wanted you to stay over while his parents were visiting him. You had become accustomed to it but the lack of a label on it had made you anxious, your heart racing every time you went over to his, waiting for him to ask you to leave or for him to complain about your clinginess, but it never came. Until tonight, it was Christmas eve, and you couldn't handle how warm and happy you felt having had a family meal at Dani's, cooked and prepared by you, the apartment having been decorated on a dull day with you and Dani in matching Christmas pyjamas. The overflow of emotions had caused you to sit up in bed that night after Dani's family had gone to the spare room and yours had returned to the hotel, they were staying in.

"When are you going to ask me to move in with you, Daniel? the anxiety of not knowing what this is, is haunting me" you say, tears brimming your eyes as you wait for his reply, expecting him to break up with you.

"I thought I had already asked. Oh shoot, did I forget?" Dani replied stress and guilt on his face as you smile at your idiot and kiss him.

Charles Leclerc:

Charles, unlike the others was consistent. He had asked for you to move in a week after dating, you said no. He tried again after three months and you said no again, feeling that it was still too early. He asked at six months, and you said no because you wanted to be sure. When a year had passed, and Charles didn't ask you were stressed. You worried about him not wanting to move in with you but had just left it, thinking Charles had forgotten to ask. But two weeks after yours and Charles's year anniversary and you were a complete ball of nerves. You were scared you had ruined the relationship and you did the only thing you could think of you called Charles. He was in Portugal for the grand prix. You didn't want to go with and stress him with your confused emotions.

He picked up and his groggy "hello" was quickly replaced with concern when he heard your sobs through the phone, he was up and out of bed before you could even say something. His hands were rummaging through his suitcase looking for a pair of sweatpants when your words stopped him.

"Charles, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to make you think I don’t love you because I do and I want to live with you, I’m ready now" you say, the tears pouring down your face now as you wait for him to end it.

"Ma Cherie, I was waiting for you to tell me you are ready. Now that i know you are, I’ll have the moving company over tomorrow and then you can officially move in." He says, his shoulders relaxing now as the stress leaves his body and his tiredness comes back.

"I love you Cha" you say, his soft snores filling the phone, you knew he fell asleep shortly after you had calmed down, but you continued talking to him about your plans for the apartment until he fell asleep. A smile adorned your face at the idea of waking up and going to sleep next to the man you love every single day.

Me:

[r-ene]

things I learned, habits I adapted going back to uni after a gap year

in 2020, I took the year off, mostly due to how my parents were worried about me attending classes in my old uni as one of the buildings we have our classes at is connected to the hospital and my brothers are at high risk with getting inflicted by covid. And the August of 2021, after a long debate with myself and family about going back to studying respiratory therapy, I have decided to continue on with my major in a different university.

There were several habits and routines I have adapted, going back to uni, some started from my gap year from studying Korean and a bit of Japanese and I kind of just want to share with you all the top 5 I've been doing up until now :)

1. advance studying

i'm not very consistent with this one since i tend to prioritize this the least (exams, tasks, notes, advance) but as i was able to advance study during my gap year, it helped me a lot in becoming an active student in class. i used to be a very passive student, only reciting upon being called, but now i've been aiming for at least a recitation per class (+ points for someone who used to be extremely anxious with recitations)

2. taking notes during lectures

if you have noticed, i have several posts with a legal paper filled with barely understandable notes. those are actually the notes i take during lectures, and since majority of the things my professors share during class, though sometimes on a different topic, broadens our knowledge as they are related to their medical practices and are good to know notes for when i start practicing as a healthcare provider.

3. making notes after class, or within the week of the lecture

usually when there's not much to do, or there's still time left for the class after being dismissed, I like to make my notes at that time for the class I just had. i noticed doing this really helps with memory retention since (1) i heard the lecture, (2) took down additional lecture notes, (3) am now writing it by hand, (4) i'll be highlighting the notes I just made. with that, I have already repeated the topic 4x. though when I can't do it after the class or on the same day, I make it a point to make the notes as soon as I can, before exam week comes in since it's difficult for me to make 2-4 weeks worth of notes at just a week and I tend to forget a lot of things by then.

in short for this, ig, diligence and repetition is key for memory retention

4. taking note of professor's teaching style + how they give their quizzes and exams

this helped me a lot with gauging how extensive my studying should be for an upcoming quiz or exam. some won't need much time and you could just study with one reference or just what was taught during the lecture and some would need a lot of time to be studied, having several references for the quizzes and exams (just like in my fundamentals class, our prof includes things from the youtube videos we watch (that's why as of typing this post up, I'm taking a break from making notes and transcription for review) and he uses 3+ books as reference, mostly from just 2 books. whilst in microbiology, we can use our short and long quizzes as our primary reference for exams, which is easier to study)

5. do what you can do as early as you can

this helped me from a lot of stress this first semester. i actually started doing this during my first year, but i was very inconsistent, only really working on building this as a habit during second semester and since then, i've been napping all the free time i have :)

this one could quickly become toxic though. make sure you set a limit of what you do in a day. i usually do tasks as early as it's given and pass it once i'm done with it but there were times that i've just been sitting on my desk literally the whole day, sometimes forgetting to eat because i may or may not overdo some of my to do lists, hehe

well, i just thought i'd share something that might be helpful in discovering different ways to lessen stress and rest more, but at the same time being able to keep up with most of class tasks (or as a reminder if you forget to do these, because i do forget these kind of things often until i see my planner) before the year ends !!

happy holidays and wishing everyone a healthy and a prosperous 2022. enjoy the new year with your friends and loved ones but please don't forget to protect them and yourselves from the ever-so-frustrating covid-19. thank you for 2021, it's been a little bit more bearable than 2020 with this community and really good friends i was able to make through this platform 🤍💫

instagram | studytok | ko-fi

[vanaera]

So I guess I am back

Hello, this is just a random update. It's been so long. I think I left this blog inactive for 2 years(?). So...basically life happened. I graduated from uni, struggled in the last 2 years of uni, and now I'm in my 1st year in law school.

Anyways, I'm here just to let ya'll know I'm still alive and I'm still planning to finish my ongoing fics (especially The Heart Holiday and TPAHR). I missed my babies so much.

For those who waited for me, thank you so much for your patience and I apologize for this super late notice and quite tired(?)-sounding post. Law school messed up my sleeping schedule and I sleep an average of 3 hours daily so I hope for your kind understanding.

So for just a quick catch-up on what I've been up to before I left this app:

🌸 I had COVID in 2021 and I almost delayed myself from graduating bc I was so sick and I was struggling with my thesis that I felt the need to drop it. Luckily, I didn't drop it and I was able to finish it on time. Big shout out to my family who knew I would hate myself if I didn't graduate on time and supported me all throughout my thesis era. Ya girl is a Magna Cum Laude graduate 🏅

🌸 I applied for law school, not really thinking I would get in (bc I was already dying bc of my thesis and the review period starts the same period of my thesis writing). I just applied for the experience so if I fail, at least I already know how to answer the exam for the following year. So I was shocked that not only did I pass, I was able to get into the top law school in my country.

🌸 I rekindled my love for watching anime and reading mangas/manhwas/manhuas. I've been in love with these stuff since I was 6 yrs old and they helped me keep sane in the past 2 years.

🌸 I love Haikyuu and I've been an avid fanfic reader of Haikyuu fics. It's amazing and I enjoyed myself a lot so expect some reblogs of anime-related content.

🌸 Last anime watched: Chainsaw Man

🌸 Last manhwa read: We are not Dating

🌸 I still love BTS and I listen to their music although I'm not as active as a fan like I used to be. I also started stanning groups like ATEEZ and The Boyz.

🌸 I started getting into Western shows (sorry, Kdramas took up the entire 20 years of my life) and oh my god, I love Breaking Bad and that show is hands-down one of the best I've ever seen. Better Call Saul is amazing (tho I haven't finished this yet) and Stranger Things is also cool.

🌸 Currently enjoying my subjects Criminal Law and Civil Law. I hate Political Law bc it's kinda draining and the cases are boring and my god the great disparity of page numbers in Political Law cases - they're either 10 pages long or 185 pages long and I have to read them all (they're 11 Arial, single spacing, narrow margin).

That's all for tonight as it's already 11:52 PM here and I have to get back to studying. Anyways, it's great to see ya'll again and I can't wait to start writing again in this blog! 🤗💖 Have a good week ahead, cuties! I'm wishing you all the best in your school/work/other stuff you're doing! 🍀💗🍀💗