#and i have a real life too which is always my number one priority

[m1ckeyb3rry]

I really don't want to be annoying but when is the next glass princess update coming?

Have a nice day btw 💕💓

it’ll come once i write it

[hyewka]

soobin + humiliation kink + hes such a perv

priorities, you perv | c.sb ࿐

⭑ synopsis. a blind date? oh thats immediately pushed aside just for the addictive high you get off messing with your roommate, who seems to be more pouty than usual tonight for whatever reason.

⭑ warnings. sub perv soobin, panty sniffing, underwear used as ball gag kinda, handjob, fuck buddy roommate au, humiliation kink sortaa, dacryphilia, vibrator, bunny/pup petname, not proofread, use of goddess

Soobin’s been intent on following you around like a puppy this evening, all around the house, but the longer he keeps it up, the less it becomes cute and funny and the more it crosses into the ‘overbearing jealous boyfriend who isn’t actually your boyfriend’ territory. Because really, why the hell has he been acting like a pet with abandonment anxiety the day you have your blind date scheduled?

“You can’t come in my bedroom with me.” you finally say, flashing him a superficial wide smile, behind your door.

He abruptly stops, stumbling back like his mind really was on autopilot following you—then his face falls, brows knitting together. “What, why?”

“Because I don’t want your cooties all over my bed.” He isn’t amused, clearly, with a brow raised. You groan, it could be life or death and your roommate would still not choose to humor you. “I’m going to change idiot.”

“It’s not like I haven’t seen you naked before?”

You click your tongue at him—he might have an amazing track record with academics, but sometimes it really is rocks for brains in there. “You’re not coming in Soobin, tough luck!”

In lightning speed he sticks his arm between the crack before you shut your door. “Wait, no, I wanna—I wanna help you pick something out!”

Now its your turn to raise a brow. Soobin? Help you get ready? He’d rather die of boredom.

You knew you weren’t crazy.

All day, hes been acting extremely out of character. Throwing you pouts during the one lecture you shared, feeling his eyes bore into you like he’s trying to burn a hole in your face, yet still spending money to buy you your favorite tiramisu even when he’s been sulking like you’ve wronged his entire bloodline.

The craziest thing is that you truly do not know a bigger cheapskate than Soobin. He’d chase a quarter in a crowd of people even if it took him all the way to Japan. So the tiramisu was a mind boggling investment. For you, let alone. It’s like he was bribing you.

He couldn’t have magically fell head over heels, it has to have something to do with the one thing different today. Your blind date.

You reach out to pat his head, mock pouting. He takes the bait anyway, lowering his head a little, looking so cute confused. It’s adorable actually, how quick he is to go with whatever you do.

“Aww Soobie, it’s okay, I promise you’ll always be my number one good boy. You really don’t have to be jealous and act out.” you tease, intentionally using baby talk to agitate him a lot more than it would’ve.

He scoffs loudly snapping his head to the side, bewildered this is the direction you decided to take things. “What? Jealous? Jealous? Jealous of what? I’m not jealous.” You stand there wearing a skeptic look on your face and a cross of your arms over your chest.

He wags his finger at your face like he can’t believe your audacity, dryly laughing (which really just sounds like a bunch of scoffs stringed together). “You’re funny, I—I gotta give it to you Y/N, you should really try your luck with Hueningkai’s comedy group again. Is it a crime to want to support your roommate after being all too aware of her notorious losing streak with the dating world? I don’t think so!”

Ouch, the all too real call out. “Damn, okay asshole you can help.” you faux hurt, not missing the chance to flip him off before walking inside and leaving your bedroom door wide open behind you. Maybe his input will have you get to your date earlier. “By the way, I do not have a losing streak.”

————-

There are outfits you just think you’d never wear to a first date—your black bodycon with cuts at the waist was an absolute no-go, especially with it’s length. Then there was the crimson red shoulder-off that had your tits looking too full—that was a big no. You don’t even know how your blind date looks, you wouldn’t want to have a man you find sexually unappealing to find you sexually appealing. That’s always a cause for a migraine.

But the problem you’re facing right now is far greater than any migraine you’ll experience. Soobin seems to think every outfit you wound up coming out with is, in his own words, “too much”.

This one’s the worst of all. “It’s literally just ripped jeans and a crop top!”

“That’s the problem! It doesn’t even look pretty!” he splutters, eyes wide and a large pout on his lips.

“You want me to wear something pretty?”

He looks to the side, mumbling, “Whatever.”

It’s raining, you hear it pouring and you’re like, fifteen minutes late already. All for Soobin’s useless input. It’s not worth it, and you’re proven even more correct when you come out the bathroom with the outfit you picked out. White, tight, but flowy at the ends of the dress. Girly and especially tight at the chest, just like you know he likes it.

Soobins eyes don’t fail to shamelessly rake over your body, stunned, looking like a deer in headlights. He clears his throat, snapping out of it. “No, absolutely not.”

You feign innocence, tilting your head. “Why not? It’s pretty.” You make it more of a point when you turn around, acting like you’re just checking your outfit through your wall mirror, knowing damn well the horndogs probably salivating at your ass barely being covered.

“It’s too much.” he parrots again lamely, chewing slightly on his lips. “Change, you can’t go out like this.”

Okay, that sort of pisses you off, turning around with your arms crossed again to the boy sitting at the edge of your bed. He doesn’t have the right to order you around. “Yes I can, I very much can.”

Suddenly, there’s a switch—he cowers like a kicked dog. “You can wear whatever you want I didn’t mean to-”

You break into a grin all of a sudden walking towards him, shutting him up.

He gulps, sitting there, avoiding eye contact when you’re close. You prop his chin up, and he just lets you, forcing him to look you in the eye. God, he already looks stupidly entranced. “You’d hate for me to wear this, huh?”

“Yeah..” he admits way too easily, a little whine in his voice, brows knitting up. Cute.

“But you love the dress, don’t you?” you purr, caressing his face with your thumb.

Your phone suddenly rings and you’re pulled out of the moment for a second, glaring at it then back to your roommate who looks like he’s under some love spell. Yeah no, this is much more fun.

You ignore the call, letting it ring as you drag your thumb down his bottom lip and god how obedient he is just sitting there and looking up like you’re his deity.

“What?” you giggle at the way his breath hitches the further you trail your finger down his body. The switch right before your eyes, oh that transformation’s worth more than anything else in the world. Bunny’s horny.

“You’d love to take this off me, right? You’d love me tease you bit by bit, have my tits bouncing in the restrictions of them, just struggling to keep your hands from ripping it apart...” you trail off, finally getting your hand on his half erect clothed dick.

You can see him holding back, holding back from humping your hand, the one you just purposefully let rest on his growing boner. “Your date.” he reminds.

You quirk a brow, taken aback. “Want me to go?”

Suddenly, he vigorously shakes his head, “No, no, don’t. I want you, please.” The strain of his voice when he pleads—god it’s the sexiest, most sinful thing ever.

Shameless. Just the way you like him.

“Hm? You do? Don’t you always?” you tease, walking away to get something out of your drawer.

“What are you looking for?” he mumbles skeptically.

You gleam, pulling out the vibrator and turning it on, showing it to your unsuspecting roommate. “Let’s play with this.”

He frowns. “You know I can make you feel ten times better than that toy, you don’t need it.”

“Who says its for me?”

You enjoy the blush that trickles his cheeks, and how easily the tips of his ear turn red as he blinks rapidly to collect himself. His adam apple bobs up and down again, stumbling over his words. “God, you’re such a himbo.”

“W-wait!” he shrieks, suddenly covering the tent in his pants.

You halt, the vibrator only a few inches from his crotch. “Can—can you…” he sighs frustratedly, looking away from you, the steam coming his red ears has you curious, what’s he so hesitant for? “Can you take off your underwear?” Oh.

Of course.

Your lips form into a smirk, knowing exactly what he wants to do with them. Slowly, with one hand you pull down your panties and let them drop to the floor. His eyes are, despite having a hard time telling you what he wants, eagerly fixed on the black lace, you could see the bead of sweat that breaks from his forehead. Pervert.

You bend down to grab it, purposefully making a show of it and he just huffs. “Get with it already.”

You laugh, “You’re being so bratty today. Think you’re owed a fuck?”

He whimpers dejectedly, shaking his head. Mockingly, you wave your panties in front of his face like an owner wagging a bone in front of their dog. He’s so indecent he has the audacity to take a whiff when the garment is close enough. God, he really is absolutely shameless.

And you really need to relieve yourself. You’re trying to not rub your thighs too much.

You crumble the underwear in your hand, and coo. “Open your mouth wide baby.”

Soobin’s mouth falls open almost immediately, tongue lolling out, looking up at you expectantly so much so it would be endearing if not for the situation you’re currently in. You shove it in his mouth, cringing at the saliva that wets your fingers.

“This is how it started huh?” you near the vibrator on his inner thighs enjoying the way he sighs through his nose, shuddering. “Fooling your roommate into thinking you were a studious, innocent good boy but in reality you just snuck in the laundry room every night to jerk off with her panties. Disgusting.”

He moans wantonly around the fabric, his hair brushing over his eyes as you near the vibrator to where he actually wants it. His dick. Poor him, its probably weeping in his pants.

“Violating me like that without my knowledge— you’ll always be a bad boy.”

Again, he shakes his head hard, to the point your panties fall out of his mouth already. “No, good boy. I’m your good boy.” he pants, face flushed. How’s he so easily worked up?

You giggle, pressing the vibrator against his cock, having Soobin’s jaw fall slack. “Couldn’t even keep the underwear in your mouth for more than two seconds. You’d make a really good camboy, always wanting people to hear you moan and whine like a slut.”

“No, no, just want you. Just want you to hear me.”

That affects you more than you’d like, and you try to fight the blush that warms your cheeks. God damn Soobin.

But he isn’t even aware, if his babbles were any indication. He dips his head back, big hands digging onto your sheets as you run the vibrator up and down. “Fuck.” he groans, still keeping his eyes open to watch your chest. You know he’s trying hard to keep up the good boy act for you, so you throw him a bone.

He gasps when your hand goes down his pants to wrap around his cock, and it’s the cutest thing ever how he immediately melts. You’re sitting next to him, twisting and jerking off his dick with his head leaning on your shoulder when you’re supposed to be under an umbrella with a future dating prospect instead.

Who cares, that man you’re sure wouldn’t give you what he’s giving you.

“Don’t wanna cum yet, wanna fuck you f-first.” he breathes into your neck. “Please goddess, please. Want your pussy.” he begs dumbly, starting to lay wet kisses to your neck— hes just not leaving room for you to really hold back.

“Holy shit, you’re good.” you realize in awe, probably wetting your bed with how aroused you are right now.

“Then take me baby, take me how you want. You’ve been good, so good.” you slur, and he practically jumps onto you like an oversized bunny, having your back on the mattress and him hovering, pulling you into an open mouth kiss almost immedietely.

“You’re so hot, fuck, you drive me crazy.” he says rushed, kissing you again, melting his mewls and pants into it.

You feel the roughness of his hands playing with your tits already, kneading so desperately you think he must’ve been itching to do just that this entire time. You like it with him, how it’s so dirty and quick, but still passionate enough to keep you wanting more.

“Fuck, wanna see them, please, please.” he whines as he salivates even more, playing with your nipples through the fabric, cheeks red and flushed, pathetically humping your cunt with his boner. “No, be a good bunny and fuck me good.”

He’s sniffling and tears stain his lashes, yet he still nods obediently, humping your cunt like he’s just restless enough to not pull out his dick and put it in—it’s the hottest thing ever.

But eventually the fabric feels rough against your skin, and you hiss, taking it upon yourself to pull out his cock from his pants.

God, his tip is red, leaky— it’s gross, a testament to how he gets with you and you love it. “Come on baby—bunny, fuck me.” you look up at him with wide, doe eyes and it immediately has him nodding frantically, missing your entrance once before he completely bottoms out, suffocatingly filling you up in one push—you’ll just never get used to his size.

“Always so mean, you’re always so mean to me.” he dumbly babbles, tongue out as he fucks into you maniacally, getting lost in your pussy.

“But you’re in my cunt right now aren’t you?” you mock, knowing that’s always his end goal with you, his end prize.

You’re breathless, curling your toes the harder he snaps his hips. You’re used to how it is with Soobin, he’s always animalistic and unrhythmic, rubbing your clit like he has no idea what he’s doing. But that’s the fun in it, how inexperienced and pathetic he is.

“Gonna cum, gonna cum, are you? Are you?” he’s out of it, kissing your neck, biting, panicky as he nears his orgasm, that before you could respond, you’re already feeling his seed fill your cunt.

He can tell, he can tell when you didn’t get there so he’s already pulling your dress up over your tits, attaching his mouth on one of your nipples, pulling the other through his hands, playing with them till they become puffy and have you withering under him. “Fuck, fuck Soobie…just like that,” you moan, feeling his long fingers squeeze into your pussy, speeding up, trying to rip an orgasm out of you.

The tense of his arms, veins showing, cease once you arch your back and cum at getting a good look of his face— lips raw and red as he bit onto them for majority of the time, eyes wet and big, just silently begging you to cum on his fingers, you let yourself go, the tightening band finally snapping.

—————-

note. lol im not super duper confident but let me know how you guys feel about this one, feedback keeps me going

[malusokay]

How to be like Jang Wonyoung

As many of you requested, part 2 of my it girls series is all about Jang Wonyeong, who's not only absolutely STUNNING, but also incredibly talented, hardworking, and of course successful. Let's get right into it!! <33

Wonyoungs Energy:

Wonyoung is incredibly charismatic, which makes her stand out without even trying!!

She has a bubbly and likeable Personality, Wonyoung appears happy and welcoming, she easily lights up a room with just her presence.

Aside from being cute and cheerful, Wonyoung is also known for being extremely hardworking!!

Confident and Unbothered. Despite receiving quite a bit of unnecessary hate, Wonyoung stays indifferent and true to herself!!

Elegant and feminine. No one does the ‘Elegant feminine self-love girly’ aesthetic like her, she is THE girly girl!! <3

Mindset:

Learn to deal with jealousy, Wonyoung gets plenty of hate, but let's be real for a second… we all know that is because of jealousy. Pretty, successful, smart, and popular? Of course, people will be jealous!!

“While practising self-love, you see good and pretty things about yourself. If I focus only on those things, I don't need to pay much attention to the criticism.”

Don't compare yourself to others “You are you, I am me”.

Keep to yourself. Stop telling people your ideas, your dreams and how you plan to archive them, your goals etc. Let your actions speak for themself!! <3

No more negative self-talk!!

Be your number 1 priority!! Take care of yourself, do what's good for you, eat well, care for your body, skincare, haircare, and your education!! PRIORITIES

Skincare

Skincare. Wonyoung has Flawless skin, finding a skincare routine that works for you can help you archive similar results!!

Wonyoungs skincare routine:

According to Google, Wonyoung only uses Innisfree products and starts by double cleansing her face, for that, she uses the Green Tea Cleansing Oil ($24), and the Green Tea Amino Acid Face Cleanser ($12)

To get the dewy class skin effect, hydration is key!! In the morning, Wonyoung likes using the Green Tea Hyaluronic Acid Serum ($30) and the Dewy Glow Tone-up Cream ($26)

Of course, you can't forget SPF. Wonyoung uses the Mild Cica Sunscreen Tone-Up SPF 50+ PA ++++, which is also great for acne-prone and sensitive skin types!! :)

For her night routine, she likes the Retinol Cica Moisture Recovery Serum ($37) and the Dewy Glow Jelly Cream ($26).

Elevate your daily life:

Healthy diet. Eating nutritious and healthy food is the first and most important step to clear skin and an overall good feeling!! Make sure to eat enough protein (ex. yoghurt, chicken, tofu or eggs), lots of fruits and veggies, and healthy fats (ex. Avocados, fish, nuts, olive oil)!!

Exercise daily. Besides dancing, Wonyoung loves pilates!! You can find lots of great Pilates videos on YouTube!!

Work on your posture!! Having good posture will not only make you feel better but also lets you appear more confident, elegant and put together. Try daily stretching and exercises to improve it <3

Try establishing a proper morning and night routine, this can help you stay structured and relaxed even on more messy and busy days.

Content that makes you feel better!! Start watching channels like thewizardliz, vogue beauty secrets, and read motivating blogs. (like mine lol <3)

Makeup:

Wonyoung is known for her iconic glittery and feminine make-up!!

Light pink blush, plump lips, glowy skin and a glittery but not too heavy eye look.

Foundation on the centre of your face and blend outwards for a naturally contoured look.

Always apply your matt products before your shimmers, that way, your makeup looks cleaner!! Also, apply your glitters from finest to chunkiest. :)

Don't apply your shimmers/glitters past the middle of your eyelid to avoid looking puffy.

If you have warm-toned skin, go for peachy glitters, for cool-toned skin, choose a champagne-coloured one.

If your struggle with dark under eyes, blend your concealer with your fingers!! This will give it a lot more coverage.

You can find lots of tutorials on Wonyoung-inspired make-up on YouTube, this one is my favourite.

I hope this little guide was helpful, I wasn't too familiar with Wonyoung, but I did some research since she was the number 1 most requested person for this!! :)

As always, please feel free to share your own suggestions in the comments and let me know who you want me to write about next! <3

✩‧₊*:・love ya ･:*₊‧✩

[saintsenara]

Ooh more about the subtext around James/Sirius? I’ve always read the text this way too!

thank you for the ask anon!

this question could have been prompted by any number of posts i’ve made, because i am a great proponent of the idea that...

unrequited prongsfoot is canon. 

why?

i’m so glad you asked!

let’s begin with a small caveat which - regrettably - involves some engagement with discourse.

the things created within fandom aren’t real - an individual fic can’t cause actual, material harm to a reader, even if it contains tropes that would be harmful or distressing if they happened in that reader’s real life; an author’s use of certain tropes or interest in certain characters is not indicative of their actual morals and values in real life; thought crimes are not real crimes - but fanfiction is produced by human beings who are themselves products of the societies and communities in which we all live, and these societies and communities all have flaws and failings.

which is to say, those of us who prefer to read male friendships like james and sirius’ as romantic do need to be aware that, no matter how enlightened on gender and its foibles we think ourselves to be, we are nonetheless influenced as modern humans by a modern tendency to discourage platonic physical and emotional closeness between men - especially straight men - on the grounds that two men having this sort of relationship is inherently queer and, in being queer, implicitly sexual [an understanding of queerness which is another powerful societal influence on our thought, even if we know we don’t agree with it].

we should also be aware that reading a friendship as defining and life-altering as james and sirius’ as romantic gives weight to a modern tendency to prioritise romantic love - and one of its expected outcomes, the love of parents for their biological children - over platonic love, and to regard people for whom romantic love is not a priority as not properly having achieved the milestones of adulthood, nor as properly fulfilled, adored, or satisfied.

everything which follows here, then, can be taken to refer just as validly to a purely platonic relationship between james and sirius if the reader prefers. and, indeed, my view is that this is how the canon narrative wants the reader to understand james saw the relationship... 

but i also think that the canonical text wants us to infer that, for sirius, his relationship with james was one of unrequited romantic love.

it must be said, however, that the narrative doesn’t show this explicitly. of course, it emphasises sirius and james’ compatibility, their similar personalities, their shared affection for each other, and a certain element of codependency [the thought of these two boys, unable to be apart even for a detention without talking through their mirrors! my heart breaks!], but it also sets up these shared elements as - broadly - fraternal: sirius is quasi-adopted by the potters; harry thinks of him and james as like fred and george, at least until he sees snape’s memories in order of the phoenix. when sirius speaks to harry about james, the profundity of his love for him is obvious, and on the two occasions when we see them physically together [snape’s worst memory and the prince’s tale] it’s clear that each is the primary driving force behind the other’s decisions. but we have nothing which indicates unambiguously that sirius’ feelings for james were romantic.

until we dive into a bit of narratology. because the text does do something to suggest that its intention is for sirius’ relationship with james to be read as non-platonic.

and that something is its use of narrative mirrors.

the harry potter series loves assigning its characters to narrative pairs - harry and voldemort are the obvious one; ron and draco malfoy are the one which deserves more attention - and it assigns to sirius a narrative mirror whose own story is one of unrequited romantic love...

severus snape.

sirius and snape are incredibly similar, personality-wise. they also serve identical narrative roles, in that they function as the guides who lead harry through an emotional arc which begins in earnest in prisoner of azkaban and concludes in deathly hallows, in which he sheds his childish, black-and-white view of his parents and comes to regard them as real, flawed, and complex people. harry does this with james in order of the phoenix - after the realisation that he was a bully stops the hero-worshipping which defines his earlier attitude towards his father - with sirius as his guide [sirius is then killed off the second this narrative sub-arc is complete]. he then does it with lily - who spends the earlier books as secondary in importance to james in her son’s mind - in half-blood prince and deathly hallows, in which snape [via the proxies of slughorn, the discipline of potions, his textbook, his patronus, and his memories] serves as his guide, until the fact that lily is the key to the whole mystery is revealed just before harry sacrifices himself to save the world.

in the course of this, it comes to be revealed that each of them considers their life to be defined by their relationship with and love for one half of the pair of james and lily [although the series hides this in snape’s case - making it look as though he is also motivated purely by his antagonistic relationship with james - right up until the last moment]. their mirrored relationships with harry - while the idea that sirius is incapable of distinguishing him from his father is an invention of the films - is also driven fundamentally by their relationship with one of the two halves of his parents.

sirius and snape’s mirrored motivation-by-love is shown most clearly in their identical approach to guilt and grief, the two things which overarchingly drive their individual character arcs across the seven-book canon [or three, if you’re sirius - rip king].

both sirius and snape indirectly trigger the death of the person they love - and, let’s be frank, if we’re going to excoriate snape for reporting the prophecy to voldemort, exactly the same level of ire needs to be reserved for sirius and his plan to switch secret keepers [what we could do instead, of course, is recognise the life-altering tragedy of making this kind of mistake, which we all have to hope we never experience ourselves, and treat the lads with compassion] - but it’s clear in canon that neither accepts the idea that their involvement was, in fact, indirect. sirius openly tells harry that he considers himself to have "as good as" cast the killing curse on james and lily; snape rejects dumbledore’s [back-handed] comfort that james and lily’s deaths were caused by "putting their trust in the wrong person" by wishing to die himself.

wracked by guilt and hollowed out by grief, both of them then decide to punish themselves in an effort - one which, i think, they both consider futile, since they clearly regard their sins as too great to be redeemed - to atone for causing james and lily’s deaths. both of them do this by subjecting themselves to the pain and humiliation of imprisonment.

in sirius’ case, obviously, this is literal. we know from canon that he refuses to profess his innocence at any point during his show trial - and why would he, when he considers himself to be guilty? - and that he remains in azkaban for twelve years, despite possessing the means to escape before then. he leaves the prison only to attempt the one action which he thinks will redeem him in james’ eyes: murdering peter pettigrew.

in snape’s case, the prison is a metaphor [foucault just sat up]. snape entombs himself both at hogwarts - not a place he seems to have been particularly happy - and in spinner’s end, allows dumbledore to repeatedly humiliate him, and risks his life as a spy as a means of self-flagellation. like sirius, he fails to profess his innocence - through ordering dumbledore to tell nobody of his true allegiance - because he considers himself to be guilty. he leaves the self-constructed cell in which he is skulking only when dead - when harry, who takes on the burden of fulfilling snape’s atonement himself by preparing to kill voldemort, starts screaming his true motivations in the dark lord’s face - although there's some implication in canon that dumbledore’s intention was for snape to end the series by attempting himself the one action which he thinks will redeem him in lily’s eyes: murdering voldemort.

[after all, why does dumbledore say to harry at king’s cross that his aim was for snape to control the elder wand if he wasn’t hoping he’d use it to give the dark lord his death blow?]

snape and sirius mirror each other exactly in their response to the death of the person they love. we can justifiably assume, then, that we are intended by the text to read that love as identical in type. 

jkr has been very clear that snape’s relationship with lily is one of unrequited romantic love. we obviously don’t have to accept this in our own readings or in the way we write the characters in our own work - i love a queer snape sacrificing everything for his platonic best friend as much as the next girl - but we do have to acknowledge it as the doylist text’s stated intention. it stands to reason, then, that the text’s intention is for us to regard the mirror-image of snape’s love for lily - sirius’ love for james - as romantic as well.

or, unrequited prongsfoot is canon.

[ilikekidsshows]

Thoughts on Marinette being empathetic? i saw someone saying that she was super empathetic but I can't really get behind that idea cause I see her as more sympathetic instead. Like she can feel sorry for someone but I don't think she's all that good at putting herself in their shoes and actually realizing the situation beyond "this person I know/care about is sad"

---

I myself have actually analyzed Marinette’s method of relating to others as empathetic rather than sympathetic, because Marinette is completely incapable of figuring out what someone is thinking or feeling from context clues. Neither can she anticipate how someone might react to something. She can only project her own emotions or fears onto others. This is actually a skill Gabriel is incredibly good at, which I once noted as the number one difference between the two.

But, I also think that Marinette's empathy is highly situational. Marinette can't understand logically or emotionally how someone is feeling, unless it's a situation she herself is or has been in. However, if she can recognize someone's situation in her own life, she's suddenly so empathetic she can't contain herself. Notice how she was totally fine with bullying and sabotaging Kagami, until she found out Kagami was desperately yearning for a boy she has no relationship with, just like her. Then suddenly Marinette “My Adrien Problems Are The Number One Priority Always” Dupain-Cheng is so empathetic that she actually feels conflicted about getting in the way of their romance.

Still, when the situation someone is in is something she hasn't experienced, Marinette just can't relate or understand at all. She has seen a parent abusing their child in three different contexts, yet she insists all these parents are good parents because her parents are good to her. She completely ignores Cat Noir trying to tell her that he’s not emotionally fine, projecting her idea of Cat Noir onto the real Cat Noir, until his problems directly affect her, and then she proceeds to project her own thoughts and feelings on what's going on, like assuming that, just because her biggest problem is unrequited love, that's all that's bothering Cat Noir as well when he has been telling her otherwise for weeks if not months.

Marinette's main problem is projection. She acts like she's the center of the universe and the main character. Like, she is both of these things, but a fictional character isn't supposed to know that unless the writers are trying to be too meta. So, Marinette doesn't know she's the universe's creator's daughter, but she acts like she does and that makes her act entitled and selfish. She can't be bothered to take basic manners or decency into account when she needs to score a date with a hot guy. She will humiliate a classmate and supposed friend and deny him something he was really looking forward to if it means she gets to do something she could also do any other day of the week if she wasn't a coward, like asking the guy she likes to play video games with her. Marinette is absolutely convinced that her crush problems are the most important thing going on at any given moment and everyone else are just supportive characters in the drama that is her life.

While Marinette doesn't seem to live in a fantasy world entirely, she certainly goes around one foot in one. She doesn't go around outright calling her classmates extras and bit parts, but she certainly doesn't treat them as real humans with real feelings either. Even when she helps them she does it like a video game protagonist trying to max out a relationship value. She acts like she already knows what to do, like she's reading a guide, but she gets it wrong so many times so the guide is faulty, but she still gets a free pass every time because “she had good intentions”. I’ve never seen a 14-year-old get granted this much slack for such blatant disregard of others’ opinions.

Whether it's empathy or sympathy, whatever method Marinette is using to relate to others, she is bad at it.

[fushiglow]

Then I guess you're a better person than me, Gojo!!

Because I hate Gege Akutami and I'm *very* angry on your behalf 😃 I’m (sort of) kidding but damn... thoughts on 236 below the cut!!

I held off posting earlier because I felt like going scorched earth on everything jjk. I took some time to clear up some of the translations I wasn't sure about and let the reality sink in, and now I'm ready to talk about this chapter rationally lol.

Firstly, I wanna say that my issue with this chapter isn’t Gojo dying or even the way that he died. I always knew that Gojo dying was likely, but here?? Now???? I've spent all day turning it over in my mind and trying to make it work, but it just won't.

I think Gojo's 'delusion' (daydream? afterlife?) is really beautiful in isolation. Some of the dialogue is really touching and I think it'll benefit from the emotional impact delivered by the full translations. The problem is what follows.

After 235, people were nervous that Gojo hadn't actually won yet. I waited to see what some trusted translators thought of the editor's comment before deciding it was a conclusive win for Gojo, and what I read reassured me that the win would remain intact even if he died at some point over the course of December 24.

In the past couple of chapters, we were told that Sukuna was 'nervous' for the first time in 1000 years and he thought Hollow Purple at close range would be fatal. At the end of 235, Sukuna is looking pretty terrible while Gojo looks fresh as a daisy after fighting in inspiring, inventive ways throughout.

So to find out that, actually, he *hasn't* won and he's been killed by getting cut in half offscreen feels like shock value for the sake of shock value. There have been a few 'shock factor' moments during this fight and they've always bothered me a little, but I could excuse them for the sake of hype building in a weekly manga. However, I never anticipated anything on this level and I'm genuinely so disappointed.

I think this long-awaited fight ending this way cheapens Gojo's character *and* Sukuna's character (and Kashimo's character for that matter!), and ultimately makes the entire thing feel meaningless. 'Meaning' is the thread that has run through Gojo's entire arc, tying him back to Suguru as he sought to build a better world. I always felt certain that Gojo's life and death would have meaning, even if it ended tragically, but I just can't find the meaning in this. I think I understand what Gege was trying to do, but he really didn't sell it for me.

There’s nothing worse than when a story makes you feel stupid for getting invested, and that’s how I’m feeling right now. I find myself wondering, what was the point in bringing Gojo back at all??? Keep him in the box and very little changes in the story, unless it transpires that Gojo 'weakening' Sukuna for the students was his grand purpose after all which... really??

Even worse, I *always* said if it was between Gojo and the students, I wanted Gojo to die. Since 212, getting Megumi back has been my number one priority, but 236 has achieved what I previously thought impossible. I literally don't even want Megumi to come back anymore, because I just can't imagine how he could live with himself after 'killing' Tsumiki and Gojo. It seems kinder for him to die with Sukuna and I *never* thought I would say that.

I'm feeling like a real clown for the meta I posted after 235. I want to take it down because I was so certain that Gojo had won, but I won't because I don't believe my reading of Gojo's character was wrong. I just think my expectations were too high, even though I tried hard to temper them. Even so, telling Megumi about Toji being left to Shoko? Gojo losing and leaving his students to clean up the mess again?? Gojo not even *mentioning* his students in his dying daydream???

It all just feels wrong. Gojo has been turned into nothing more than a plot device at the absolute last second, and maybe it's on me for ever expecting that he would be anything more than that in a series where he isn't the main character, but why bother writing Hidden Inventory then? Why bother getting us invested in this man's story at all?

Right now, I'm feeling like I don't even want to watch tomorrow's episode, but I am interested to see whether Gege can pull this arc off in the long term. I've seen people talking about resurrection theories because of the enlightenment hints and, while I do see the vision, I think Gojo's acceptance of his death and letting go of his regrets can also be read as enlightenment as he escapes the mortal coil once and for all.

Gojo's dying bloody smile shows he's at least happy in his final moments, so my feeling is that Gojo is truly dead and gone. I really want to trust that Gege will make this work, but damn. This is a tragedy.

(Although, if Gojo actually is at peace in death, maybe that's the reason Gege will bring him back. He'll *never* let that man be happy, I swear.)

To end on a positive note, the SatoSugu crumbs were beautiful and teenage Gojo's facial expressions were wonderful. I'm crying again just thinking about the contrast of that last adorable smile with his blank expression on the next page.

I'm dropping all my canonverse WIPs and working exclusively on AU fics for the foreseeable future 😤 I'm gonna give Gojo all the happy endings he deserves!!!

(fuck. poor poor shoko.)

[pallastrology]

striking a balance: when, why and how often to get readings

artwork by august malmström

disclaimer: i'm writing mostly from the perspective of astrological readings, some of this may apply to other forms of reading too. as always, read with an open mind, take what works and leave what doesn't. <3

firstly, nobody can tell you when a reading is right for you, myself included. you are ultimately in control of when and how often you have a reading done. so, to start with, what are some reasons you might want a reading? to gain clarity and perspective on a situation or relationship, to gain awareness and insight to yourself, to work out how good of an idea something is and feel more prepared, to validate your feelings on a situation or relationship... the list goes on, deciding to have a reading done is a very personal thing, and your reason for doing so will be personal too, and that's exactly how it should be!

having a reading done can be a really useful tool, for lots of reasons; while i can read my own charts perfectly well, sometimes having another person - especially someone who is at a 'professional distance' - to go through it with can lead to new insights and angles that i didn't pick up on, a different skill set to draw from and even just someone to talk it through with you and offer some support. it can leave you feeling stronger in yourself and your decisions, energised and ready to make a move towards your dreams, validated and supported and armed with more information and awareness, which are all very useful when you're thinking of making a big change...

but there does come a point when it just isn't helpful anymore to have a reading done, for whatever reason, and it can be hard to find where the line is. when might you need to take a break from having readings? if you're feeling reliant on readings or the reader to direct you in life, if you're asking for validation on toxic or abusive situations, if you keep asking the same question over and over without accepting the answer, or if you get the feeling that you're being taken advantage of by the reader, it might be time to look into other options. most importantly, if you are in an abusive or toxic situation, while validation and emotional support are useful, please make your safety the priority. you unfortunately cannot be read out of a shitty life situation, and this is something that will need real, concrete help. please invest your resources into getting out of the situation first.

i mentioned earlier it can be hard to strike a balance when it comes to getting readings, and because it's a deeply personal thing, there is no number anyone can pull out. instead, i would recommend working on your intuition and self-belief. learn to listen to your emotions and feelings, and analyse them. it can be hard to do this, especially if you struggle with mental health issues; i have my own struggles in this area and i'm still learning to trust my intuition. but it can be done, it just takes time, patience and compassion. being curious about your emotions and recording them somehow is a great place to start. over time, you'll see patterns start to emerge and become less wary of your feelings, which will in turn let you tune in to yourself more comfortably.

my own perspective on readings: i utilise astrology a lot as a tool in my life, because it's what i study and click with. i have also had three readings from a trusted clairvoyant over the years, and will probably be having one this year too. my guideline for myself is that i don't go into readings expecting to come out with a clear answer and strategy, unless i already have my mind made up and just want to finalise the plan; instead i aim to go in with an open mind and leave feeling ready to make my decision with a fresh outlook and some new points to consider.

best of luck to anybody considering a reading, and i hope this post was helpful :-) if you enjoyed this post, please consider checking out more of my work! thank you xo

[3416]

what 1634 fics do you want to see. im not gonna write them im just curious

hello anon......... there are far too many i want to see in this world (literally any at all tbh) but conceptually i have rambled in private about a couple that i really want so buckle up... here are some cliche concepts but idc:

okay my ultimate dream fic is like a 50k fic canon compliant to this point like a decade into the future where auston's been forced to retire a few years earlier bc of a career ending knee injury and never wins the cup and basically. retreats back to az and has to cope with that and gets a Lot of distance from the team/hockey media yada yada. mitch keeps playing hockey but the leafs never win the cup and mitch never feels as fulfilled as he thinks he should be. he never has kids (could go into things here....)... separates w steph.... is on the verge of retiring himself...... the catalyst for him showing up in arizona could be a lot of random things (abt to sign divorce papers... announcing his own retirement soon... also had a whole concept of one of their dads passing away but.) but cue the reunion with someone who you built your whole younger self and younger dreams around and having to relearn the person they've become now. mitch escaping the only place he's ever really called home to really try to feel fully comfortable with himself for the first time vs auston seeing the merging of his old life and his new reality................. i mean. that's the dream. idk. post hockey life crisis with people you can't help but love forever tbh. i have rambled about variations of this one for hours before.

i'm also dying for an auston pornstar fic with a clueless like. business bro mitch or smth. everyone has done the cam boy mitch stuff thanks to his streaming but what about auston... what about these pictures... it's giving casting couch....... i don't really care about the plot necessarily... could go w mitch and auston sleeping together n then befriending each other but NOT sleeping together again for a while. could just straight up do pwp, idk, but auston's whole sleaze ball vibe sometimes.. and the mustache..... we deserve pornstar auston.

also desperate for some magical realism au where one of them makes a deal with the devil to get the team a stanley cup but it goes HORRIBLY awry bc things are never what they seem when you're making deals like that. don't have the details ironed out enough in my head to give a real plan here without sounding stupid but i want the angst and pain and realizing their priorities might not be The Ultimate Hockey Goal like they've always thought.

i've also thought about a lot about a more pwp fic where mitch and auston have this calculated shared ritual of like. getting the new guys on the team/new lineys off to ~help the chemistry~. the whole oh it's just bros thing, but mitch and auston tackling it as a team, one whispering in the ear.. one sinking to his knees... a biiit skeezy bc some of these guys would never in a million years wanna sleep with guys but they pose it like it's gonna help the team and it's just smth they do... don't you wanna feel powerful and see cocky number one goal scorer in the league am34 on his knees for you, random newcomer (haha) 4th liner???

also. thought about another magical realism fic where auston and mitch are at mitch's lakehouse high as fuck and accidentally have a wishbaby bc they're TRYING to manifest success for the team and wish on a star with the wrong wording.... also had a batshit au planned vaguely based on the hangover for mitch's bachelor party which COULD involve vgk crossover since i would set it in vegas for the vibes but.

also had an f1 fic idea where mitch was a driver and auston was one his mechanics. there was way more to this one, but realistically i'd take anything with that as a concept. mitch's life being in auston's hands to some degree and auston taking it Very seriously. also mitch treating his wins like its this shared thing and. auston is just one of tens of people who work on his car but thats his fucking GUY!! imagining mitch getting on the podium n trying to jump at the barriers to get to auston and his whole team.......... pls. also had bunts as one of the guys who changes the wheels and picturing the team letting bunts run the some of the socials. they would be fucking off in that garage BIG TIME filming themselves doing stupid silly shit in all the downtime. also. thinking abt the element of having a Secret relationship or situationship in a setting SO public like f1...... could prob turn that one into a multimedia au somehow, ANYWYA---

i've thought abt so many more too lol. this is what i let myself sit here and spew for the hour but. i'm always down to talk about more or if other ppl have ideas and need to flesh them out. i love to yap abt these men.

[nobossinc]

Stop Overthinking: DONE is Better Than PERFECT

Being a new entrepreneur isn't just about not knowing what to do—it's also about not knowing how to get things done. And if you don’t already know, your personal life and your business life - they're two completely different worlds.

The tasks are different, the priorities are different, and when you're building a business, you have to approach those priorities with a whole new mindset. Sure, you may have personal tools or tricks that work at home or even on the job, but those don’t always translate when you’re the one steering the ship. That's why I like to tackle these issues head-on, no sugar-coating.

I am an organized person; very much a planner; and have overcome procrastination. Even though I worked my butt off, I wasn’t getting results. How is this possible?

I took a step back to figure out what I was doing wrong and I started to see a pattern of behavior for something called Analysis Paralysis.

WHAT IT IS:

Analysis paralysis occurs when you spend so much time thinking through ideas, strategies, and plans that you never actually take action or execute them. This can happen because you're trying to perfect the plan, considering every possible angle, or simply getting stuck in the ideation phase.

HOW TO IDENTIFY:

1.      Lack of Execution

What It Is: Spending too much time planning and not enough time doing. Even if you come up with great ideas and strategies, without consistent action and follow-through, those ideas won't translate into results.

Symptoms: Creating a strategy but not implementing it consistently. Sporadically posting on social media or launching campaigns without a long-term plan.

2.      The Cycle of Starting Over

What It Is: This is where you come up with a new idea, think through the strategy, but instead of executing, you move on to the next idea. This creates a cycle where you're always starting from scratch rather than building momentum with consistent efforts.

Symptoms: Feeling like you're always in the planning stage, with nothing substantial getting completed. A lack of measurable progress in your marketing and sales efforts.

WHAT NEEDS CORRECTION:

There's more going on here than just 'overthinking.' This is something deeper, and we need to get real about why you’re doing it and how to knock it off so you can start getting results.

FOCUS: You’re spreading your energy across too many ideas without fully committing to one and seeing it through, which dilutes your efforts. I often tell my entrepreneur community: Stop trying to do 100 tasks at 1%. It’s way more effective to focus on one task and give it 100% of your energy. You’ll see better results when you fully commit to completing one thing at a time.

FOLLOW-THROUGH: Ideas are great, but they only matter if they lead to action. Without execution, your ideas don’t have the opportunity to generate sales or results.

CONSISTENCY: Your audience needs to see regular content and engagement to build trust and interest in your offerings. Consistency is key for any marketing or sales strategy to be effective over time.

To overcome analysis paralysis, the key is shifting from overthinking to taking action.

Steps to Solving the Problem:

Here are some steps to help you break free. Let’s dive in and break things down into simple, actionable steps you can implement right now.

COMMIT TO A SINGLE IDEA: Choose one idea that you believe has the most potential and commit to it. Focus on developing and executing a full strategy around this idea.

SET CLEAR PRIORITIES: Define the one or two most important tasks. Focus on those first instead of trying to do everything at once.

SET MEASURABLE GOALS: Instead of just thinking through strategies, set clear, measurable goals for what you want to achieve. This could be the number of leads, sales, or website visits.

BREAK TASKS INTO SMALLER STEPS: Overwhelm comes from looking at the big picture. Break projects into bite-sized, actionable steps and tackle them one at a time.

CREATE DEADLINES: Give yourself a specific timeframe to make decisions or complete tasks. Deadlines create urgency and limit overthinking. Break down your strategy into actionable steps with deadlines. For example, instead of just planning a social media campaign, schedule the specific days you'll create content, post it, and engage with your audience.

LIMIT INFORMATION GATHERING: Research enough to make an informed decision, but don’t get stuck in endless data collection. Set boundaries for how much info you need before moving forward.

LIMIT NEW IDEAS: To avoid the cycle of constantly starting over, limit yourself to one new idea per quarter. This gives you time to fully explore and execute each idea before moving on to the next.

EMBRACE IMPERFECTION: Done is better than perfect. Perfectionism fuels analysis paralysis, so accept that things may not be flawless, and that’s okay.

MAKE QUICK DECISIONS: Train yourself to make faster decisions by trusting your gut and learning from outcomes. The more decisions you make, the easier it becomes.

CREATE AN EXECUTION PLAN: By focusing on execution, consistency, and measurable results, you’ll break the cycle and start seeing real progress in your marketing and sales efforts. Consistency is Key: Establish a routine for your marketing efforts. This could mean posting on social media three times a week, sending out a weekly newsletter, or running monthly promotions.

TAKE ACTION IMMEDIATELY: Once you've made a decision, take a small step right away. Action builds momentum and reduces doubt.

MEASURE AND ADJUST: Regularly measure the results of your actions. If something isn’t working, adjust your strategy, but don’t abandon it altogether unless it's clearly not viable.

These steps can help you push past the hesitation and get things moving!

Execution! Execution! Execution! It is imperative to breathe life into your ideas, business, and your success. T

BY INVITATION ONLY:

If you prefer Live Interaction & Assistance, get on the waitlist for the onDemand: Master Your Mindset. Together we will break those big dreams down into smaller, actionable steps! Once you register, get the Master Your Mindset Toolkit. we will be using it to help you avoid being overwhelmed, take action, and achieve consistent results.

[brazenskald]

Flight Risk

Ever been on the edge of a highrise, staring down a thousand-metre vertical that could leave you flatter than a burnt crepe on the sidewalk? If your stomach just jumps at the thought, good for you. You have a healthy sense of vertigo. Me? Never felt anything other than a skin-tingling urge to see if I could make it up that high and live to kiss the ground far below. Yeah, you could say my priorities were a little screwed-up. But then again, I was also staring down the barrel of a gun. Not a metaphorical one either. Pretty sure this was a Glock, or maybe a Smith & Wesson. I wasn’t paying too much attention, since the hand holding the gun was attached to my very beautiful, very angry ex.

Henry’s never been one to mince words, even when we were on better terms. Kissing terms, I liked to say. Straight to the point, Henry was. It didn’t surprise me that even with the wind buffeting our clothes, he held my gaze in the way that a python might, as it contemplated the best way to squeeze life from its prey.

“Ray,” He shouted, to be heard over the wind. “Hand over the loci!” You’d be forgiven for asking yourself what the fuck a locus, plural loci, is or are. I myself had the faintest clue, but we don’t need to get into that now. The relevant point was in my eloquent reply.

“Henry, if I had the loci, I’d have to let go of this ledge to hand it to you, and we both know that could end in the very swift and very sudden demise neither of us wants!” Henry was the laconic one. My gifts lay elsewhere.

“Give them here or I’ll push you off this tower myself!” Henry, bless his heart, couldn’t make a threat heavier than the gun he still held leveled on me, and nothing made that clearer than his reliance on gravity rather than good old fashioned lead. I reached down into my breast pocket to feel the cold edges of the loci, still secreted away right where I’d stashed them.

“Counter-offer, why not let me go and we can discuss all of this business in the relative comfort of a steamy bubble bath? You’ve still got the keys to my place, right?” I’d never asked for them back. He’d never offered to return them. I took it for what it was. A tacit admission that he wasn’t willing to break things off. He just needed a break. Promotion from beat cop to lead investigator hadn’t improved his patience, and I was used to his pattern of slinking back after a hard case. We had our rhythms, and we made it work. These bizarro stones weren’t going to change that.

“Ray…” Henry growled, a fire lit behind his eyes that signaled we were inching close to a breaking point. It was the same tone he fell into after I walked in with a few too many bags from a boutique, or if he spotted me liberating articles from some yuppie’s waistcoat while they ogled my tits.

“Henry, I’ll give them back, once I’ve had a chance to take a good look at them. You know I always do.” This was a lie. Henry usually snuck out with any number of pilfered goods when he thought I was sleeping, which I never was. He kicked like a mule while asleep, and I was an early riser. “Besides Hen, when have I ever lied to-”

In the movies, badasses fire off gunshots that knock bad guys clean off their feet. No such thing in real life. Small calibre rounds in particular hit you like angry prods of a finger, only they sting a hell of a lot more, and you bleed all over yourself. The shock of being hit, along with my bewilderment that Henry had actually shot me, the prick, caused me to forget the precarious situation I was in. That all-important sense of vertigo that is supposed to keep you alive? It rushed back with a vengeance right in time for me to tumble out of reach of any possible handholds. I plunged into the void, watching Henry’s face morph into horror at what he’d done. Should I have felt grim acceptance? Maybe. Somebody else might’ve. I flipped him off, and twisted to face the rapidly approaching street below.

Everything moves slower when you’re in moments of tremendous stress or peril, another truism which smartass psychologists swear is post-hoc neuro-processing, some such gobbledygook that amounts to the brain casting off the usual filters to take in all possible details. The gist? Your brain doesn’t speed up, it actually slows down, or at least the amount of information you absorb at the same constant rate increases, leading to that change in perception. What that tells me, a college drop-out with a passing interest in neurocognitive processes where they interact with biocybernetics, is that my fall lasted about the usual amount of time, but my reflexes were firing in response to far more stimuli than normal.

My hand reached into my breast pocket and seized the loci, those blighted jewels that had indirectly caused my current predicament. I can’t say what I consciously expected, other than that I wanted to have the cause of my untimely demise in hand at the moment it all came crashing down. I must have gripped them more tightly than before, the edges digging into my palms and drawing blood. What happened next was difficult to process, even afterward.

I felt the skin of my hand peeling off, like I’d dipped my hand into boiling oil. I watched the sidewalk rush toward me at about the speed of the typical maglev train, and despite my smugness of seconds past, I closed my eyes. My chest lurched like I’d suddenly started falling upwards. The wind rushing past my ears fell silent. That seemed a lot less… violent than I had anticipated. Is death usually so anticlimactic?

I opened my eyes. A cackle tore free of my throat, lurched out right ahead of a wave of bile. I spat when my stomach was empty. The pool of vomit had splattered to the sidewalk beneath me, while I hovered several feet overhead.

“Eat your heart out Henry,” I rasped, throat hoarse from puking. “I am going to steal so much shit, you’ll never be able to give it all back.”

[doctorhelena]

Oh accidental Howard marriage sounds like great fun!

(In reference to this WIP ask game)

This story takes place shortly after the end of Agent Carter S2 (in a universe where Peggy and Daniel's romance was quite short), and is pretty much just what it sounds like (although it also has a Steggy wraparound, in which post-Endgame Steve learns about it 😂).

Peggy and Howard very drunkenly get married during a night out in Vegas (where they are staying for work-related reasons), after which, to Peggy's mortification, Mr. Jarvis gets called to the rescue. 😂(Thankfully, both parties being intoxicated was sufficient grounds for an annulment in Nevada in 1947.)

Here's an excerpt:

---

“You’re too good for him, Peg.” Howard gestured in the general direction of Los Angeles, and more specifically of Daniel Sousa.

Peggy sighed, swirling her whiskey around in her glass. “Oh, I don’t know. He’s a good man, he just has a tendency to be a little too protective for my taste. Perhaps I simply didn’t give him enough of a chance.”

Howard shook his head. “He’s a nice enough guy, but we all know you two never would have worked out in the long run. He isn’t in love with the real you. Not like Rogers was.” He shrugged. “Sousa’s top priority is always knowing you’re safe. And you’re just not the kind of bird who does well in a gilded cage.” He grinned. “Kind of like Bernard.”

Peggy snorted, pulled away just in time from the brink of wallowing in Steve Rogers-related wistfulness. “Good God, Howard, how many of those have you had?”

“Flamingos? Or drinks?”

“I certainly hope, for poor Mr. Jarvis’s sake, that the answer to the second is a considerably larger number than the first.”

Howard grinned and clinked his glass against hers. “Just the one flamingo so far. Although that might change, I’ve been thinking of putting him out to stud.”

Peggy lolled back in her chair, feeling suddenly more relaxed than she had in months, warm and loose-limbed and alarmingly near giggling at the thought of Bernard with a harem of female flamingos. “Howard, don’t you dare do that to Mr. Jarvis. You don’t appreciate the man nearly enough. How many times has he saved your bacon?”

“More than once, that’s for sure. Maybe even more times than you have,” Howard admitted, then swung himself abruptly up into a standing position, reaching for Peggy’s hand to pull her up too. “Here, finish that drink and I’ll take you out to dinner and to a show. Take your mind off things.”

“We have to work in the morning,” she reminded him. They were in Las Vegas to evaluate the suitability of the old Groom Lake auxiliary airfield site as a remote test site for some of the SSR’s more volatile scientific and technological research, at Phillips’ behest - a part of the plan she, Phillips, and Howard had to fold the SSR into a new, replacement agency, better suited for the cold war in which the word currently found itself.

That Peggy had just ended things with Daniel, less than a month after they’d started, was simply a happy coincidence - although, she supposed, happy only in that she found she actually rather fancied a night on the town in Las Vegas to take her mind off things before evaluating the site and then flying back to New York. Alone. Not alone, she reminded herself. Angie was there, and her work. It just - it wasn’t quite the post-war life she’d always imagined she'd have, before Steve Rogers had sacrificed himself to save millions of lives on the Eastern Seaboard.

Good God, she was getting maudlin. Perhaps she did need to eat.  “All right, Howard,” she said, tossing back the rest of her drink. “Take me out and show me Las Vegas.”

[lylaseb]

My mom is one of those people who watch things just for fun and she usually finds long or in-depth discussions about fictional stories or characters boring so I always try to find a balance between the fun and the discussions which is not easy cause when she’s bored she just leaves or gets irritated lmao

Anyway I’m going to build it up bit by bit through the rewatch so she gets to form her own ideas slowly and steadily but after we finished the series the first time I asked her so who are your favorite characters now, and with some nudging she finally arrived at the conclusion that her favorites are eren mikasa Levi erwin and hange. From the start she’s always liked eren and mikasa but what was surprising to me was that she still liked him after finishing the series. So I asked her, why? Don’t you think that committing genocide was wrong? My mom being my mom, for her this was just another anime series and she has other more practical things to worry about, she said, I’m not talking about who’s right and who’s wrong I’m just another viewer who has seen their story and that’s all there is to it. Me being me I refused to give up 😂 so, very carefully, I asked, but from your own perspective, did eren do the right thing? And she said, well he didn’t really have much of a choice. I could sense she was getting a bit annoyed so I stopped there lmao at least I got something out of her. And I managed to get this out of her only by asking her roughly the same question a number of times already. Another time I asked her, but if you had been in his shoes, what would you have done? She said, hypothetically, I wouldn’t have done any of these things because I wouldn’t be eren or any of the other major characters, a person like me can only be a minor character in that universe. Just last night she said lightheartedly that they really wronged eren for putting him behind bars after he just saved the cadets albeit unknowingly while they were trying to get some gas at the headquarters, and I took the chance and said, well if that’s what you call being wronged then what about the 80% of humanity that he killed? What about all of the children who never even got to experience growing up? And she kind of shrugged and said, yeah that was wrong too. Sometimes talking to my mom about certain things really feels like trying to get the stereotypical cat to like you lmao 😂 you try to reel her in by asking simplified questions of importance casually but it doesn’t always work. On the other hand I feel that I should clarify and it’s that I’m pretty sure my mom does NOT support genocide, or any of the other selfish things that eren has done, in the real world. It’s just that my parents are very practical, very no nonsense kind of people who are busy with matters in the real life which leaves little room for much else. I’m very lucky that she even indulges my shenanigans at this point really because she 100% would not have watched snk or any other anime had I not begged her to lmao so this is really just her being kind of slow and not always 100% ‘there’ when we’re watching or talking about it because to her this simply isn’t very important and frankly isn’t worth ‘wasting’ too much time and energy for, but this doesn’t mean she dislikes it or whatever watching and thinking about anime just aren’t a priority for her. Anyway to provide an example I believe snk is banned in China? And I told her this and asked her if she understood why and if she could see the parallels, and she said yeah she did. She also said that the Japanese military at the time were really really cruel. So yeah, I just don’t want anyone misunderstanding

Other than this I always knew she liked Levi and hange, way before she even realized it herself cause she’s always had only good things to say about them. And then I also finally told her my top ten favorite characters and she was really surprised that my favorite was sasha? 😂 she asked me why, and I said, because she’s had remarkable character development. Because sasha used to be a selfish, stingy, and cowardly brat back when she was even younger, and then all on her own she eventually became a splendid soldier and an extraordinary person. Brave, generous, principled, and kindhearted, not to mention her battle skills, and she’s so funny and charming too. What’s not to love? My mom just kind of smiled and nodded. What was funny to me was when I mentioned that I found connie to be the most good looking male character in the series and she looked at me with wide eyes and basically said that my preference was odd 😂 um??? Am I the only one who finds Connie very handsome? I don’t often look at a lot of posts on here or wherever but I bet not? He’s really good looking though??? 😂 I told her I really liked Connie’s eyes and she found it funny lmao??? Anyway the conversation ended there but I plan to clarify sometime soon. The only thing I’ve ever heard her say about this on her own is that she found eren pretty, especially younger eren. She’s also answered before that historia and Annie were very pretty, and that hange was pretty too even with an eyepatch. She’s also mentioned a few times that she felt mikasa looked a bit too mature for her age in season 4 and that she was prettier in the previous seasons. Armin on the other hand she felt looked very young. For me personally I find connie Levi and hange to be the most good looking characters, and eren armin mikasa and falco aren’t bad either but they’re a bit hit or miss for me lmao

[hilarychuff]

for the ask game :)

i carry it in mine + 3, 13, 14

howl + 9, 15

the ask game

ty for the questions!!

i carry it in mine - tag, ao3

3. what’s your favorite line of narration?

hmm it currently stands at 45k words so hard to pick just one but i'm p sure this was the line that i was like first working towards when i started writing it

He means to make me queen, she thinks, her legs turning to jelly as she sinks to the floor.

like the scenes in chapter 6 and 7 at the wall where he shows her his mark/she realizes the full implications of it all were for sure like one of THEEEE inciting visuals i had

13. what music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

i actually write mostly in silence 😭 i can plot and write notes etc with the tv on or with music on but honestly i usually find it too distracting!!! i'm a big singer alonger and i really need to like. concentrate for the most part when i'm writing for real. nooooo clue what would be a good soundtrack for reading bc i would want vibes to be similar to like medieval period piece stuff so maybe something sort of instrumental???? or like a softly crooning female singer songwriter type of vibe. something a lil folksy perhaps???

actually wait i lied sometimes i listen to asmr videos on youtube!!! not that i recommend that per se lmao. but just a lil something to provide a bit of sensory stimulation so that i don't get like. bored.

14. is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

hmmmm. i don't think i went into this fic with the intention of like "this is what i want readers to learn" so much as i was like wouldn't if be interesting if... and then if their places were switched....

but i will say that something i didn't expect while writing was how many people would be upset with jon in the beginning for not making sansa his priority number one. which i GET like it's a soulmate fic that's sort of the expectation and it's an uneven expectation because he knows something here that sansa doesn't. but i always kind of felt like.... sure sansa is something different to him here than in canon but at least in the beginning the love is very much the same and exists and always existed???? and i could have done a better job writing TO that if i wanted it to be clear but i think it never occurred to me that it wouldn't be. it's so clear to me in canon how much jon loves his family, including sansa, even though we never actually see them interact for ourselves. but the way he thinks about her is so sweet. and the memories he has of her are very tender.

i think probably for the most part anyone who stuck around found a way to move past that if it felt wrong/unfair to them but i guess if i had one thing i wanted people to learn it would be sometimes that your ability to help someone or be there for them is not always a reflection of the love that you have for them. sometimes circumstances are just complicated. sometimes there's nothing you can do. but that doesn't mean you don't love someone and have love for them and hurt for them and think about them etcetcetc.

i am very much a problem solver in my own life/relationships which i think frustrates people sometimes and also sometimes leaves me feeling useless if someone is upset about something and there's nothing i can do but sometimes just loving someone and making sure they know that is enough !!! not that jon does that either in the beginning i guess lol woops but he's very much a sad boy ok maybe cut him some slack 😭

howl - tag, ao3

9. were there any alternate versions of this fic?

WELL the first howl i banged out in literally a 72 hour period cribbing heavily from an old scream script i found online that wasn't quiiteeee screen accurate and there was only ever one version of that. BUT in the larger grand scheme sense of this i do have notes for a howl 3 and howl 4 so like. not alt versions but additional installments in theory!!

i think there in the initial like "casting" phase if you will i had different notions for what howl 2 would be. bc joffrey was an obvious billy but i was like then who is stu.... and then finagling howl 1 meant some changes for howl 2 but honestly those felt really right to me when i settled on them!!!!!

as for howl 3 that casting has also taken a LOT of finagling that probably still needs some ironing out so that has probably gone through a couple different mental makeovers about how exactly to handle the roman/john milton of it all but rest assured i have lots of thoughts!!!!!!

15. what did you learn from writing this fic?

WELL!!!! actually!!!!! one thing that always bugged me about scream 2 was sidney being an actress and doing theater when it felt so like antithetical to her character to put herself in the spotlight in any capacity. but it's so like baked into the movie that doing howl 2 i was like ok how do i keep it??? and in thinking about that for sansa i considered a lot about the interiority of the character and how like. sure it's putting yourself in the spotlight. but it's also an opportunity to step out of yourself and be somebody different which i think both sidney and sansa are really craving, especially when stab/knifed is putting them on a national stage in a lot of ways. so that was something i hadn't really thought about before!!

i also think there are lots of times watching a horror movie where you see a character doing something and you're like "NO WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT WHY AREN'T YOU DOING XYZ INSTEAD" and then when you're making it like prose narrative as opposed to a script and you're in their head you really have to make it make sense to yourself a lot more (like not just running away after the police car crash scene in scream 2/howl 2) and so that was something i felt like i learned more about too like. yes sometimes you are making a decision because it serves the plot. but also how can you reconcile that action with your character's needs/wants/turmoils/experience etc.

[idealisticrealism]

TCL 2x12 recap

Yo look who’s back, literally like 6 months after the finale lol. So annoying when Real Life gets in the way of fangirling, but I’ve finally managed to get my priorities straight, so here it is.

For anyone who actually remembers anything about the finale, enjoy lol

Ah what very fortunate timing that Garrett just happens to be coming to see Luca at the hospital (with a teddy bear! Awww. He may be 80% asshole but he's 20% heart lol) riiight as Thony and Fi are led out in handcuffs. But ugh I do love Garrett and Thony's relationship and the fact that despite the way they often antagonise each other, they do always help each other out when they can. But lol at his long-suffering “What the hell did you do, Thony?” because lbr this is just another in a long line of ‘Thony Pulling Shit He Then Has To Fix’ kind of situations haha. And ugh he even tries to help Fiona too, because after learning the truth about Chris and spending a bit of time with them I don’t think he can dismiss them as easily as he used to be able to (because he's finally started to see them as people, instead of just law-breakers– the growth sure is sloooow with this boy, but it's there). But ughhhhhhhh Fiona’s pleading as they load her into the car?? Just crush my heart why don’t you??? (like seriously Martha Millan is a freakin’ powerhouse and we are so lucky to have her). And seeing Thony’s panic, though??? She’s definitely having yet another one of those ‘well shit if it isn’t the consequences of my own actions’ moments lol. She’s been through a few of those in the show– a significant number of which were literally within the last 24hrs lol– and lbr this probably isn’t going to be the last either. Oh Thony. Everything always has to catch up to you eventually….

Oh thank god RK backed out of drowning Nadia. He looks all bewildered and contrite now, like he doesn’t understand how that just happened…. Tbh this dude is legit unhinged, but I mean that’s not exactly breaking news considering some of the shit we’ve seen him do this season lol.  But ugh poor Nadia running for her life through the penthouse and begging Joseph to let her go, but still being trapped– talk about a gilded cage ughhh 

Ngl I got distracted for like 15 mins finding the filming location of the 'hospital', narrowing it down using the fast food signs that you can only just see in the background of one shot haha. But success, now there's another location added to the list. But anyhow ugh it makes me sad seeing Thony holding onto the teddy bear :(  She's still deep in her 'I fucked up' mode, and tbh though it hurts me to see her hurting, it's also kind of satisfying?? Bc she really has just been running around this whole time thinking she knows best– and to be fair, a lot of the time she does, like with trying to stop the ridiculous poisoning attempt– but that just means she fools herself into thinking she’s right all the time, and not listening to others or reaching out for help when she actually should. It's definitely a well-established character flaw, but it has been cool seeing her slowly starting to rely on and trust others more (even if she falls back into bad habits repeatedly lol). But at least she looks contrite here for not telling Garrett about going to Manila to bring drugs back for RK–  and tbh I'm on Garrett’s side here because if she’d told him, they could have busted RK for it, and this all could have been over.  But she was too focused on protecting Luca's medicine to think about the consequences. I mean I can't blame her for not reporting the Fentanyl, because she only found out about that like a few hours ago and she was a little too busy running for her life and then saving Luca to be thinking about calling Garrett to snitch lol.  But ughhhh Garrett’s offer that if they get the drugs and she testifies, she can get new, legal identities for her family– god, it’s everything she’s wanted. Like ok yes, testifying will absolutely mean risking her life; but to protect her family? To have a chance at a normal life without fear? To allow Luca to grow up with every advantage that he is currently denied? She'd do it.  (Though argh Garrett you don't have the best track record of keeping your CIs safe from RK! Maybe he's so determined bc needs this as like a do-over,  to get it right this time)

Ooooooohhhh Thony having to explain to Chris and Jazz and JD about how she got Fi arrested and that she's been working with the FBI. Chris is understandably more forgiving because of everything she did to protect him when Marco died, but Jazz is justifiably upset (She's like 13 and her mom might be about to be deported, of course she’s not taking it well) and ooohhh JD is pissed. I kind of love that he doesn't hold back the truth bombs from Thony–  in particular, that her blind mission to save Luca at any cost is tearing the rest of her family apart. Again, it hurts to see her copping it from all sides, but at the same time she needs it. I adore Thony but she needs to remember she's not alone anymore and that it's okay to trust others rather than try to do everything herself- especially when trying to do it herself and failing can cause a lot of pain for others 

Speaking of trusting others, I am very much here for the little mobster/FBI alliance happening rn with the two opposing power couples (Russo and Garrett, Thony and Arman) teaming up.  Ah, remember the early days when Arman was like the FBI's biggest baddest target? Now they're practically coworkers lol, like he even practically admits to the attempted murder of RK and the feebs are just like 'well that was dumb but whatevs' lol. And I just love this little meeting bc as ever, their priorities are all different– Thony wants to save her family (and absolve her own guilt). Arman wants to protect the two women he loves, including saving Thony from herself. Garrett wants to take RK down for Maya. Russo just wants Kamdar behind bars so she can finally be done with this shit haha. They may all have the same end goal (getting RK the hell out of the picture) but man they are not at all on the same page lol. I also love that literally the moment the feds leave, Thony is immediately back on her bullshit, ready to run straight back into the minefield that is RK’s immediate vicinity, so completely sure that she can manipulate him into giving her the info she wants and then let her walk away unharmed. Aaaand well I guess we can agree she did NOT learn her lesson earlier haha. Oh Thony, you're going to regret this, and lbr as always it's not going to be you paying the ultimate price for your actions. Of course Arman is all like *deep sigh* at this haha. You know that meme with the two kinda cartoony stick figures and one of them is holding the other's leash while the leashed one is on all fours going absolutely feral?? Somehow these two seem to take turns as to whether they're the one holding the leash or the one needing to be restrained lol. To prove my point, Arman is now trying to keep her from going ahead with her terrible idea by offering a terrible idea of his own–  killing Kamdar. Tbh I’m in love with the continued theme of these two of both wanting pretty much the same thing: to protect each other (and their families), yet trying to go about it in completely different and often conflicting ways. And ugh even though Thony's a Buddhist and hates the idea of killing RK (especially when there has already been more than enough killing/death in their lives lately), her biggest objection to the plan is that it could mean losing both Arman and Fiona (via jail and deportation, respectively). Whereas Arman sees it as the only way to definitively ensure that his loved ones are safe. He doesn't intend to be caught and jailed for it, of course, but if it happened, he'd be able to live with that, knowing that they'll be free from RK. (TRUE LOVE,  Y'ALL). And speaking of true love, I'm obsessed with the fact that literally as soon as the feds leave, Armony go from standing several yards apart to having practically zero personal space between them as they argue. Oh you two, please never change lol. And ughhhh the way they look at each other as he says "Do you really trust the FBI to protect you?" bc it carries such an undercurrent of I'm the one that you're supposed to trust. I'm the one who's  supposed to protect you. And ugh his "You don't understand, Thony. As long as Kamdar's breathing, none of us are safe" before he turns and walks away–  he's telling her that he's already made his choice, that keeping them (her) alive is worth any other cost. And hmmmm who does that remind me of? Perhaps a certain mother of a sick son, who is willing to do absolutely anything to keep him safe??? Ngl I love that she's being forced to realise what it's like to be on the other side of the equation… and now the question (as ever) is will she actually learn anything from it haha

Nope nope no seeing Fi in jail is awful. I appreciate that Thony immediately acknowledges that JD is right, and that Fi being in there is completely her fault. Though I do respect that Fi refused to blame her and was like 'we did it for Luca'-- because she loves him too, she'd do anything for him, and now she needs Thony to do the same for her kids.  And heck yeah that she calls Thony out on believing that she can manipulate BOTH Kamdar and the FBI, and that by trying she's likely going to get herself killed. Seriously there’s already so many voices in this ep that are trying to show her reason, but Thony is too far gone down the rabbit hole–  she can't see any way out except forward, so she's plowing ahead despite the warning signs. And despite that it's hard to watch, I love it, because it's so true to her character, and also so true of someone who is cornered in a situation and is completely panicking. Also yeah clearly the lessons of the past 24hrs remain unlearned lol

Ok I love that as soon as the feds get eyes on RK's apartment, Garrett immediately asks if Nadia's okay. Partly because he would hate the thought of another innocent woman being completely at RK's mercy, but also because he knows how important Nadia is to Arman and he doesn't want to see him lose someone he loves. Ngl I love that they're starting to develop a bit of a respect and understanding of one another… (aaaand now I’m gonna ignore the Russo/Garrett flirting in the rest of the scene bc ewww lol)

Okay okay okay I might be about to go on a bit of a spiral here BUT. Hear me out. This whole scene with Jazz being upset that JD didn’t marry Fi, and JD explaining to Chris about the requirements of getting a green card through marriage?? What is the point??? Like honestly what is its narrative purpose in the show– what made the writers decide to include it? Bc like okay it could be just to show how deportation rips families apart, and that the path to becoming a legal citizen is extremely challenging even in very worthy/legit cases. BUT I DON'T THINK SO. As JD explains, he and Fi no longer meet the criteria because she's been arrested, plus she's just been there illegally for far too long. But you know what pair WOULD meet the criteria??? A widow who is only a few months over her visa– which she overstayed due to EXTREME HARDSHIP (the exact reason that JD says can qualify someone for a waiver)-- and a never-actually-married American citizen, THAT'S WHO. Like ok maybe I’m way off base here but I seriously think that the entire purpose of this scene was to a) lay the foundation for us as viewers to know the marriage-for-citizenship idea is actually a possibility, and b) give Chris the knowledge that he can then pass on to Thony, planting the idea in her head that if she and Arman were to marry, she and Luca would be safe from deportation…. I mean c’mon there’s got to be something there, right? I'm absolutely convinced that if Thony doesn't already know about Arman's marriage being void (which tbh I don't think she does; she naturally assumes Nadia got divorced from RK) she's going to learn about it next season, and the marriage-for-citizenship plotline will follow shortly after.  And I mean okay I know I've been wrong in my predictions before, but I've also been right at times, and I feel this one in my bones lol. Watching this scene the first time was like being a kettle slowly boiling until by the end I was mentally screeching ARMONYMARRIAGEFORESHADOWING!!! ARMONYMARRIAGEFORESHADOWING!!!ARMONYMARRIAGEFORESHADOWING!!!!!!! lol

Phew. Anyway. Ugh my precious boy Chris offering to leave his home and everything he's known to go with Fi. But of course she refuses with 'everything I did, I did for you' and ughhh don’t talk to me about the parallels between Thony and Fi and the things these amazing mothers would do for their children. "The best thing you can do for me is to live the life I always wanted you to have" ugghhh why do Fi and Chris always insist on making me cryyyy

Oh Thony. Yet again walking straight into the lion's den… tbh for someone so smart she really does so many dumb things haha. But then again she is damn impressive with the way she can go toe to toe with some incredibly dangerous people and not only be fearless, but can talk them into doing what she wants. And now with RK she selectively uses the truth (the "everything I've done, I've done for my son"/"Arman helped me in the past but you're the one that can help me now, and I need this deal more than anybody"/"I didn't steal from you, Arman did"/"with all the corruption in the Philippines, people don't trust easily") to conceal her motivations and evade his questions. She never outright lies, which means he can't catch her telling one and turn on her. It's very clever (as is Nadia's subtle hint regarding RK's plans for the Caymans) but unfortunately, a man like RK doesn't get to where he is without also being very clever– and very paranoid.  

Lol Garrett you really should have put a tail on Thony to prevent her from pulling this kind of shit, but too late now! Guess you also never learn lol. Also hi there Miranda Kwok having a little cameo like she did in 1x01–  the woman sure likes her luxury vehicles haha

Yassss I loooove Garrett calling Arman because he might be the only one with the information to save Thony.  And ugh even the way Arman answers the phone– there was a time when he would have answered with annoyance or disdain, but now he sounds uncertain, like he knows something is wrong. Probably because Thony is usually the one who does the communicating between them, so the fact that Garrett is calling him directly proves that something bad has happened. And ugh the way he springs into action immediately, probably kicking himself because he should have known that Thony would put herself directly in Kamdar's crosshairs rather than let him go ahead with a plan that was almost certainly doomed to end with him spending a lifetime in prison. They're both martyrs for each other– both clinging to the hope they can walk through fire and come out the other side to where the other will be waiting– and ngl I'm SO HERE FOR IT.  Lol at Garrett trying to tell Arman to stay away though; like did he ever for a second really believe that he could tell Arman–  Arman who became a rat for Thony, who went to jail for Thony, who murdered an innocent woman for Thony– that Thony was in danger and that he WOULDN'T immediately go after her???? Like okay to give him credit I'm sure the likelihood occurred to him before he made the call but he knew that whatever information Arman could give him was worth the risk. And ugh when Arman pulls the caddy up beside him he basically immediately hands him a vest (after making an annoyed comment about Arman not listening to him, of course) and then his "Come on. Let's go pretend to be on the same side" and uggghhhh I love themmmmm. But lbr they have been on the same side for quite a while now, which is the "Protect Thony at all costs" team and I’m obsessed with it 

Oh Thony. Thony ‘The risk I took was calculated, but man am I bad at math’ De La Rosa. You've been incredibly lucky til now to be able to find your way out of some of the worst situations, but I think now the alarm bells (or are they funeral bells?) are finally starting to ring in your head. And suddenly you're thinking Arman was right. Fi was right. Garrett and Russo were right. I should have listened. But it’s too late now and uggghhhhhh RK calls her out on lying to him about the drug interaction that nearly killed him and tbh I wish we could hear more of her trying to explain herself (but the camera is focused instead on my new favourite pair of enemies-turned-allies haha). But ugh then we see her make the mistake, not that there's really any way she can avoid it: she lies.  She lies and he knows it. He’d suspected it before, when she was weaving her story purely with carefully targeted truths, but now he knows, and she has to die. (We've seen repeatedly this season how paranoid he is and how much he hates and fears being lied to). I appreciate that he's not without honour, though; he'd be dead without her, so he grants her her family's lives in return. Joseph too seems to have enough honour that he hesitates before pulling the trigger, and that hesitation is what saves her life and costs him his own– which ngl I'm a little sad about, because I liked him and I always hoped he was going to end up choosing to help Armony take out RK. Anyway I love that it's a team effort that saves Thony's life; not only the two men who care about her, but also she herself, when she knocks Joseph's gun away. The writers could have had Garrett or Arman shoot Joseph the moment he lifted his gun, but they didn't; they had her fight for herself first. This whole show they've shown us time and again that Thony is a fighter, and that she’ll never give up. (The only time she ever refused to fight for herself was when Arman was forced to choose between saving her and Maya, but tbh I think she knew from the start what his decision would be, regardless of what she said or did).

But aaaahh anyway there are so many bullets flying and ugh Arman and Garrett are working so well as a team (my boys!) and then it happens.  One little stumble is all it takes, and it hurts that it's Thony who makes the mistake. It was her fault that they were all there in the first place, and now it's her fault that she and Garrett are stuck in the open, exposed and vulnerable and under fire. And he makes the split second decision– if he crouches to pull her up, all the fire will be directed at them both, making her more likely to be hit. So instead he stands over her and fires back, making himself the target, knowing that Arman will swoop in and get her out of there. And it works! Except there’s just ooooone small problem ugh. Honestly, it’s been what, like 6 months since I first watched this? and I still have trouble believing that a) they really killed him off and b) that I’m actually so sad about it?? I know I’ve said it many times before, but: he was a jackass, but he was our jackass. And though he caused plenty of problems of his own, he was there for Thony when it really counted, especially once they got to know each other a bit more.  And ugh having to watch Thony watch him die, and then to go straight from his death scene to watching Thony walking into the hospital, carrying the bear he got for Luca? Like damn why must this show insist on hurting me. (Ngl though I wish we’d gotten to see more of the aftermath of his death– I would have been very down to see Arman pulling Thony into his arms and comforting her while the body was being carted away lol).

Wait is that the same kindly Filipina nurse who spoke to Fi in the waiting room? If she was an ER nurse she would definitely not be up on the wards with an admitted patient. But whatevs, it's irrelevant. The social services lady barely reacted to Thony coming in, so I guess Garrett must have got in touch with them earlier to clear her. Does this mean that– in regards to her at least– all is basically forgiven and she can just take him home when he’s better?? Or does she just have visitation rights?? This show can be very unclear lol. But ugh all is obviously not forgiven for Fi :( seeing her in jail with the kids is rouuughhh. Her line “Sometimes you need to do what you know is right in your heart, even though other people say it’s wrong” has a similar ring to “Not the right way or the wrong way, but any way you can”; it’s a sentiment we’ve heard from pretty much all the main characters (Arman, Thony, Fi, Garrett) in some form or other, and is definitely one of the major underpinnings of the show. God her teary eyes though and the way that JD is so quick to reassure her that he’ll look after the kids and ughhh why does this show insist on making me cry????

And the trauma isn’t over because now Thony is going to meet with Russo at the FBI, finding her in Garrett’s office which is filled with all his clutter and his photos of his kids and his collection of brightly coloured stress balls and novelty pens, and ugh I love the subtle character details here because now I think about it, he was often tossing around a ball or something in his scenes at the office. Tbh as much as it hurts, I love that Russo calls Thony out on her role in Garrett’s death. She basically says he was a slippery bastard that could weasel his way out of anything before Thony came along and dragged him down with her, and lbr it’s not inaccurate?? I mean he did take stupid risks anyway, and the bad guys probably would have caught up to him eventually, but still.  Maybe Russo is especially angry because she still wonders if Garrett did have secret feelings for Thony, and whether Thony might have taken advantage of that, despite her clearly having eyes only for Arman (Russo isn’t blind; she’s seen them together, seen the risks they’ve taken for each other). Or maybe just having someone to blame helps with her own grief. But even as she calls Thony out for everything she’s done (again, deservedly, because Thony has pulled a lot of shit and has mostly managed to avoid the consequences until recently) she agrees to help her and Fi, because that’s what Garrett would have wanted. Just in case anyone forgot that this is a show about love, and about the lengths people will go to for the people they love (even after they’re gone), here’s a little reminder ugh.  But of course nothing can just go smoothly in this show, so the moment Thony starts to record the statement that will help free Fiona, they discover RK has posted bail and is about to jet off to the Caymans…. and now the race is on.

Lol Nadia is pissed about basically being kidnapped to go live a life of luxury in the Caymans, but like… girl, go with him and then smother him in his sleep and take all his money?? It’s the perfect crime haha. Ngl I do find it funny that he’s all like, ‘you tried to kill me, I tried to kill you, now we’re all good’ lol– lbr the man has never been particularly stable. But oh daaaamn the plot twist of the airport ground crew suddenly turning on them and shooting his guards– I had a brief moment of thinking the FBI had gone completely off the rails with this one before the roar of the motorbike engine made it all very suddenly and very sexily clear. And oh how I love to see my boy winning again, kicking the shit out of the man who has spent weeks tormenting him while he pleads on the ground. The gun coming out was a mix between ‘yessss do it’ and ‘noooo you’ll get caught, leave him to the FBI’ but then he turns and offers it to Nadia and I’m??????  Like at first I was like ‘dude wtf why the hell would she want to do that and have his blood on her hands, that's not a gift'', thinking there was no way she’d want to risk any involvement in his murder– but then I got schooled haha, because clearly a) Arman knows her true nature far better than me, and b) she is still REALLY pissed about the almost-drowning thing. And suddenly I’m remembering the story about her as a teenager, holding a corkscrew to a guy’s neck for stealing her tips, and being reminded that Nadia’s vicious streak runs deep. The look of pure satisfaction on her face is hot intense; Arman may do violent things but as far as I remember we’ve never seen him take pleasure in it, whereas Nadia…. I could see this awakening something in her, a greater ruthlessness in her pursuit of power, but I guess we’ll see…......

Omg the FBI chopper touches down literally only moments after Nadia and Arman ride off, and it seems impossible for them not to have been seen and recognised, but apparently not?? Wow the feds really need to get their eyes checked haha. Though from the look that Russo and Thony exchange, they know exactly who did it anyway– well, not exactly, because they’re definitely both picturing Arman being the one pulling the trigger, but still, they've got a Morales in mind

Damn okay Queen Nadia of La Habana here in her red lipstick and red dress with the shoulder pads looking like she should be sitting on a throne next to Satan himself. Tbh I think I was right about killing RK awakening something in her; this woman looks ready to destroy anything and anyone that stands in between her and her kingdom. And as Arman asks, “So how does it feel, walking in here now, being your own boss? Not having to answer to anybody– not Hayak, not Kamdar…” you can practically hear her addition: Not you. Especially when he uses the words ‘all ours’ to refer to La Habana, and she answers “You mean, it’s all mine.” and the look on her face…. Like boyyyy you created a monster, and heaven help you when you try to walk away from her to be with the woman you love, because she is going to rip you limb from limb. But anyway, all of that aside, literally what are they doing there anyway?? I mean I’m not an estate lawyer, but even I know that there is legit NO WAY that she would be allowed to just take over all of RK’s holdings. He died in suspicious circumstances, which means all his assets would be frozen while the investigation was ongoing– and they would certainly not just be handed over to his estranged wife, particularly one whose current partner is known to have had an extremely hostile relationship with RK and even made a previous attempt on his life. Like in what universe would they not be at the very top of the suspect list here????????

“You said you’d fix this. You promised.” Ughhhhhh this ep is definitely giving me so many satisfyingly painful scenes of Thony facing consequences lol; this time it’s Chris getting rightly furious with her when she fails in her promise to save Fi, blaming her for Fi’s deportation and even implying that Garrett’s death is her fault too. And as much as I wanna hug Thony and make it better, I also feel kind of like a parent who is watching their child learning an important lesson haha. It may hurt, but it’s necessary. I am glad though that JD didn’t join in on the attack this time– lbr he’s already made his feelings very clear to Thony, so now is the time for him to hold the family together, rather than throwing blame. Chris choosing to stay with Thony and Luca despite his anger at Thony is interesting; his argument is that Luca needs him and ‘he can’t keep losing everyone’ which is fair I guess, but lbr I feel like the writers just wanted Chris there at the house with Luca so next season Thony can be off running around with Arman without the audience worrying about her committing child neglect lol.  But ughhhh then Luca wakes and sees them all and asks where Fi is and they all look away and great now I’m crying again

Oh no no no you can’t have this mournful song playing over Fi getting led out of her cell and taken onto the plane, and Thony at Garrett’s funeral watching his son cry and Russo having to hand over Garrett’s folded flag to his widow/ex-wife??? And then Fi crying on the plane and Thony sitting on Fi’s empty bed??  No?? No thank you???????????

Honestly I thought that was going to be the end of it right there, but of course it’s not. Because it always comes back to this; to Thony and Arman and their connection. I love that she marches straight past the long line for entry (clearly business is booming once again, looks like Nadia works fast) and she barely spares a glance for the girl at the front desk, who probably saw her and just thought ‘oh the other boss is here’ lol. And ugh the way he’s mid conversation yet basically senses her there in the doorway and turns, just like he did way back in 1x02 when she brought Luca to him. And she doesn’t bother to come closer, or to say anything at all– just meets his eyes for a second and then turns and walks away, already knowing he’ll follow. And ugh follow he does, without a moment’s hesitation, entering the office only a couple of steps behind her even though it’s clear he’s not looking forward to what he’s about to hear– judging by the thunder in her expression, it’s not going to be fun lol. Ngl I love that she yells at him, bc partly she’s calling him out for his role in Fi’s deportation, which is fair, but bc I feel like she’s also using him as an outlet for her anger at herself (“Fiona’s gone because of you”/”You need to fix this”). It’s the things she feels towards herself as well as towards him, and tbh her coming to him is her fixing it, because she knows she can’t do it without him. She needs him, needs his help not only in regards to his resources and connections, but also just his support, because she can’t handle this burden alone. I love that the first thing he says, the only defense he uses, is that his actions kept them all safe– because that’s what he needs her to understand. Yes, Fiona was taken, but in his mind, her being sent back to her homeland and her parents, alive and well, was not such a terrible price to pay when the rest of them got to walk away knowing they were safe from RK once and for all. Tbh though, I actually think he had been expecting and even hoping for this visit, had anticipated Thony coming to him and making this very demand, because it only takes him a moment before he offers up the solution– like he’s already thought it all through, like he came up with it even before he went to kill RK– and it’s now only a question of whether she’ll agree to it. His “Nadia can’t find out about this” is such a telling statement too, because it shows he knows how precarious his position is; it’s now Nadia who holds the power, and if he crosses her in some way, she’ll shut him out. And then what use would he be to Thony, with no money or resources? There’d be nothing he could do to help get Fi back and make this right, and he’d fear that that helplessness would cause Thony to turn away from him and look elsewhere for solutions, abandoning him now that he had nothing to offer. Of course that’s not at all what would happen– Thony is absolutely just as gone for him as he is for her– but the poor boy still can’t see it, and so he's scrambling desperately for anything that will be able to get her to stay. 

And speaking of how gone she is for him, oh god her reaction to keeping it all a secret from Nadia– you can tell she hates this, hates feeling like the dirty mistress being snuck out the back door to avoid being seen by the jealous wife. It’s another reminder that Arman belongs to someone else, not her, just like the night when he showed up with the keycard after ‘reconciling’ with Nadia, when he broke her heart at her own damn suggestion. And because he’s just as clueless about the depth of her feelings as she is about his, he misinterprets her pain as disagreement with the plan, which prompts this blessed line: “Thony, unless you trust me (…) in how I do this, I can’t help you” and god I am NEVER getting over that tiny pause after ‘trust me’, because it’s not just about trusting his plan. It’s about the fact that he feels she lost faith in him, that somewhere along the line she stopped trusting him and looking to him as her protector. She’d trusted him 100% though the heist they’d pulled on Hayak and Noah, enough for her to stay around even when he’d been in jail. She’d trusted him at the motel when they’d dealt with the manager. She’d trusted him when she’d agreed to help him move the drugs, and trusted him after Cortes' death when he’d said they would find a way together to trap RK with the drug deal and satisfy the FBI. She’d still trusted him even after he’d had to murder Maya. But then he’d been left with no choice but to follow her suggestion and go back to Nadia, and suddenly the distance between them seemed to keep widening, with her need to protect her family and his need to protect Nadia putting them repeatedly at odds, and then Luca got sick again and she turned to Kamdar for help instead of him. In Arman’s mind, Thony had pulled away from him after he’d gone back to Nadia, even though he had only been following her direction and he’d only done it because there was no other way. And so now he practically pleads for her to trust him again, and she pauses for a split second, staring at him, before giving the answer that nearly knocks him off his feet: “I never stopped trusting you.” And damn, with the intense way these two are looking at each other, it’s easy to wonder if this conversation is really only about trust... because right now ‘trust’ sounds a hell of a lot like it’s just a placeholder for another very strong emotion, and the way he stares at her when she tells him she never stopped? The tone in which she says it, like he’s a fool for thinking she ever could have stopped? Like ok look I may be waaaay down the rabbit hole here but I simply can’t watch this scene without feeling like the subtext is being screamed so loud that it’s drowning out everything else

And don’t even get me started on how she says she knows he did this to protect her. Her. Not ‘us all’. Just her. Because it’s the truth, isn’t it? He might have said things about ‘none of them’ being safe until RK was dead, but we know who his real concern was; the woman he had never even wanted RK to know about in the first place, and definitely never wanted him to meet.  And honestly, look at the timing– it was only after she drew RK’s attention (back when she delivered the money, she was easily dismissed as a nobody, but when he learned that she was causing division between Nadia and Arman, she very much became somebody of great interest) that Arman became determined that RK needed to die, especially after RK showed he wouldn’t hesitate to kill her, and after she’d had to send her whole family away to protect them while she stayed behind (“Kamdar’s watching me, I can’t run”). He’d wanted RK dead for a long time, but would have never risked attempting it, not until RK threatened the one thing that Arman would go to absolutely any lengths to protect. And ugh the way she holds his gaze so directly as she tells him she knows he did it to protect her, and then: “You have to understand. I need my family back.” like she’s telling him she can’t focus on anything else, or anyone else, until her family is reunited and she’s been absolved of the guilt she currently bears. I know lots of people were disappointed with this scene because there’s no physical contact and no outward declaration of feelings, and as much as I would have died over that, I still love this scene because of its intensity, and how it feels like a conversation within a conversation, showing how well these two know and understand each other that so much can be said while actually saying not much at all. 

But okay excuse me I was not prepared for my dream of Mob Boss Thony to suddenly become a reality already??? Like god the way she carries herself is so different, her voice so cool and unaffected as she stands in front of these two uniformed men– these IMMIGRATION OFFICERS, literally the very people that she as an illegal immigrant has been hardwired to fear– and basically tells them that they work for her now. And then she tells them that she’ll be bringing someone back into the US with her??? And then just walks right on out of there, absolutely rocking her power outfit (what’s the bet that she was thinking of Fi’s advice from back when she had to go meet with Cortes, about looking the part so she could feel the part) and oh god Arman is there by the caddy waiting for her; her partner and her protector, keeping the promise he made: that they would see this through, together. Don’t mind me I will just be over here making dying whale noises into eternity

Anyway okay like I said, I really do get why some fans were disappointed with this finale, because sure, I also would have loved to have seen some kind of physical Armony interaction (ngl, the lack of a kiss this season did catch me by surprise, but tbh it also makes sense given the circumstances). But man, what we did get in terms of Armony interaction was intense and layered and sets us up for such an amazing payoff for next season. And that was something that really struck me, all through this episode– the entire thing feels like a second act. I hadn’t realised how used I was to each individual season of a show kind of having its own little self contained feel to it, because this??? Watching this, I became utterly convinced that after S1, the showrunners actually wrote and pitched the plot of S2 and S3 to the studios together, and right now we are just halfway through that story. Like yes S2 had its own arc, with Armony being caught between Kamdar and the FBI, and if needed the ending could stand on its own with the two of them literally driving off into the sunset together with a plan to make everything right, but tbh the whole thing also has the feeling like we just watched a chessboard being set up with all the pieces being put into place, and now the game can start. Honestly the writing and planning in this show blows me away and I can’t wait to see what S3 brings us ugh

Okay anyhow that’s more than enough rambling from me, so if any of you made it through this after several months of hiatus: cheers and I’ll see you in September haha

[todayimgonnaplay]

Today I'm Gonna Play: Ys IX: Monstrum Nox

I've seen Ys pop up often as people's top JRPGs. I've never played them before, so I jumped into the latest entry blind to what this series offers.

Talking of combat first, the first thing this game reminded me of was Tales of Arise; having skills by pressing button combinations, dodging, on screen encounters, and having a party based system where you could switch characters. It felt extremely snappy and satisfying, and I loved unlocking new skills be it from getting them as I fight, or from shops. It's an easy system that's fast-paced which is also great when you want to play something simple and shut your brain off for a bit.

There are also raids included, which have a tower defense mechanism to ensure you survive hordes of enemies while protecting a crystal, or to collect X number of item in a time limit. It gets quite chaotic but is manageable with the use of upgrades. This adds a nice variety to combat so that it does not get monotonous. Aside from that, the game seems to have a superpower motif going on, allowing you to traverse in different ways such as parkouring or gliding, or accessing hard to get places, as well as some combat abilities. It was an unexpected but fun touch.

The best qualities I've seen in this game are more finer details that add to the overall Quality of Life. One being how the map system functions. You're able to get a view of your current area AND look at the region map, in which you can look at other area maps because why not, all with the press of a button or two. . The game really encourages exploration in a great way by rewarding you with fast travel unlocks, and new shops or quests. What surprised me the most was that the minimap leaves a decently sized trail as you move around, making backtracking easy as well as marking where you've already been in case the dungeons or areas look the same-ish (or if you're feeling a bit forgetful at the time of playing). It's spoiled the way I see maps for JRPGs in a good way, and I'd love to see more games like this. The second detail I loved was the amount of customization in settings, ranging from gameplay to HUDs, giving the player freedom to truly explore or to be guided. And lastly, being able to save at anytime is quite a game-changer. It's not always easy to find time to game, and priorities are there to handle in real life, so having this feature came in super handy.

The story seems somewhat simple and straightforward. It's quite innocent and doesn't get too deep until the latter half of the game. I'm actually quite surprised how deep the game gets into its lore and politics, and it was simple enough to understand without playing the previous games. There's a nice variety in cast, and side quests actually add lore to them rather than being usual fetch or escort quests.

I also find the character designs to be a plus, most of them are designed quite well without the reliance of fanservice. It was a breath of fresh air! However I did find Renegade's design to be underwhelming with such a muted colour palette. It does fit his personality a bit, perhaps.

Some negatives are the graphical quality of this game. It's the latest entry released just a few years ago, yet it looks much older, and very bland in terms of colour. I had fun exploring the city of Balduq and was amazed at the size and depth of the place, but it definitely lacked some colour or variety that made the place truly interesting. Midway I stopped to look at previous entries' graphics and felt that Ys 8 somehow looked better, but I also read a bit about the developer and didn't realize their impact towards the genre, and that they seem to make more budgeted titles, so I can give this a pass.

Another negative is the music, most songs fit, but only about 2 tracks truly caught my ears, while the rest sound quite generic and akin to typical melodies I would hear in budget JRPGs.

Overall, the game was truly an enjoyable adventure to experience, and I even felt a little sad as I reached the end, bonding with the cast and the city. I'm looking forward to future titles and may check out 8!

[foxys-left-foot]

Vent: the sequel (maybe 18+? Dunno)

So in my last vent post (below), you guys gave me good advice, and I ask for some again.

Am I the asshole for wanting to break up with my boyfriend?

So, we got together in January of this year (2023), and our relationship was / is pretty good. Well, shortly after we got together, he came down with the virus (yk which one) and it took a lot out of him. Like, a lot. He'd sleep frequently because he was so drained from it. He eventually recovered and fought it off, hasn't had it since.

Flash forward to now, almost a year later. Yesterday I'd texted him a couple times and he didn't respond. This I'm used to, because he usually doesn't get up until early afternoon. Well it soon was 7 o clock in the evening, and he hadn't said anything. So like any girlfriend does, I panic and texted his mom to make sure he was ok.

She said he'd been asleep since she'd gotten home and such, and that he'd taken sleeping pills to sleep. He finally texted me for the first time yesterday at 7:30 - ish. The thing is, I get that sleep is extremely important. But when he's been asleep for the majority of the day, it frustrates me.

Now I know people have other priorities in life, and I'm ok if I'm not always his number one. But, today, when I was scrolling good ol' Pinterest, I came across a screenshot of a post on here talking about normal relationships, and what they basically aren't.

One of the points they made was that it's not really normal for your partner to state that ur hobbies / interests are a waste of time or basically inferior. Everyone on here knows that I love, love, love bands. Most of those bands being Weezer, Green Day, Nirvana, and... Foo Fighters. I'm autistic, so naturally, I will talk about my hyperfixations and special interests a lot, which in this case is mostly foo fighters.

I really love music in general too, and that includes playing bass. Well, the one time over dinner a couple weeks ago, he confessed that at one point he didn't even want to remotely listen to the foos / Nirvana because I talked about them too often. And that kinda hurt, honestly. Another time, he was basically like "Would you stop talking about them??"

He doesn't seem to really acknowledge the fact that, yes, I love these things, and no, I don't know how to socialize about anything else. Ironically, I said at the exact same dinner that it's often hard for me to socialize / make connections because there was a point in my life --- when I was 14 years old --- where I was basically a fucking hermit. Didn't want to leave the house to eat, shop, or anything. I recall that as the darkest period of my 20 years on this earth, and I'm still recovering from it today, years later.

And he just laughed and said something along the lines of "Yeah no wonder you talk about the same stuff over and over again." And that hurt, too. He's also autistic and doesn't really have a filter, either, so he just straight up says things with little to no regard of the effect it may have on people.

He sends me stuff from Twitter that is sometimes funny and oftentimes...not so much. Like homophobic / misogynistic jokes or things of that like. I've told him in the past that I don't find those funny, and they honestly make me uncomfortable, and he just brushed it off.

Back to the sleeping issue, his mom and I are of course very concerned for him. But he just brushes it off like it's no big deal. But it is. To me, at least. Because sometimes, when he sleeps that long or has no real emotional response to things, I feel like I'm literally dating a rock. And there's also times where I feel it's just my body he likes.

He's said in the past when we had that rough patch in our relationship that he likes me as a person and not just for my body, but with each passing day, that's just not true to me. Don't get me wrong, he's a great dude with a big heart, but I honestly don't think we're cut out for each other romantically.

Granted, I was the one who started the whole flirting shit (around this time last year), and I was the one who asked if we're dating or not. I love him, and I really don't want to give him up, but a large chunk of me is telling me to. I know some autistics struggle to display certain emotions over others, including he himself, but it's getting hard for me.

Am I the asshole for wanting to break up with him?