#and i get really paranoid
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Got the night to myself tomorrow and I wanna regress most of the day if I can (baby mode!)
Ideas to keep onesself feeling safe and activities are appreciated.
#i love staying home in nappies and really getting to regress#but it sucks without any carer#and i get really paranoid#so um id like some help#🎠chatter
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HEART. LUNGS. LIVER. NERVES. HEART. LUNGS. LIVER. NERVES. HEART. LUNGS. LIVER. NERVES. HEART. LUNGS. LIVER. NERVES.
#HEART. LUNGS. LIVER. NERVES.#POV The Nightmare breaks your concentration and Slays You#i mostly drew the nightmare because its where i met voice of the paranoid#i love voice of the paranoid a lot#i love that the terrified voice in my head gets to be Helpful. and ACT#obviously incredibly prime subject to project onto#anyways i really like this game and when i can find the time and energy ive been trying to find all the paths and achievements by myself#so please enjoy my first post of the new year#i will not promise there will be more#i couldnt decide if i like the colors for the hand breaking our concentration so im giving yall both#voice of the paranoid#slay the princess#the nightmare#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art
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thinking of a new steddie fic/au hmmm.
It’s just the classic, Steve buys weed from Eddie in season 1 era, he and Tommy meet him at the bench in the woods behind school. Steve and Eddie have some playful banter and clearly get along, but it’s dismissed as just a drug deal and they go on about their lives.
Next time they meet is when a frantic Steve comes and finds Eddie after he’s just fought off the demogorgon for the first time. He’s rattled, and skittish, wearing a nasty black bruise on his eye, and just overall not acting like himself. He snaps at Eddie multiple times to just ‘hurry up’ and ‘get him his stuff’, and sure he’s being an asshole, but more than anything Eddie is just concerned. He has never seen The King Steve Harrington lose his cool like this. So Eddie cautiously gives him the weed, making sure not to give too much, and lets him go about his day, but not before asking if he’s alright. Steve clearly wasn’t expecting this and brushes it off defensively, but that doesn’t mean he’s not thinking about it for the rest of his week. How the hell did Eddie Munson notice something was wrong, when his own parents didn’t? Nor his “friends”?
They cross paths again a year later, the beginning of season two. Steve is still with Nancy and has freshly dumped his old douchebag crew of superficial friends. He is still sitting quite comfortably on the higher ranks of popularity, but there is no denying his status is not what it used to be. He comes to buy weed from Eddie in the first week back at school, and it’s a casual interaction. He’s still as charmingly stuck up as he ever was, but now without Tommy there to judge his every move, he seems a little more at ease when making casual conversation with Eddie. Eddie doesn’t mention the year before and Steve is so glad for it, secretly very embarrassed that he went to Eddie for some refuge after arguably his most traumatic experience to date. He gets his stuff, giving Eddie a smirk when he notices he’s dropped the price significantly for Steve when it’s just him alone. Eddie gives him a challenging smile back, almost daring him to call it out, but he doesn’t. They both just laugh and part ways.
The next run in is tina’s halloween party. They notice eachother when Steve first arrives, making eye contact and giving a polite nod. Maybe Eddie lifts his drink up to Steve in a silly salute. They don’t speak at all or make any effort to hang around eachother. That is, until Steve storms down the stairs in a rage after he’d gone up there with Nancy Wheeler. But then are those- tears? Eddie was standing on the front porch smoking a cigarette, trying to discreetly hide from one Billy Hargrove to avoid having to sell him anything, but staying visible enough that he won’t lose all chances of making any money tonight. Steve storms right past him and hits his shoulder. Eddie whips around and is about to call him a dick before he sees who it is.
Steve tries to quickly wipe his face, he won’t make eye contact with Eddie, and he’s clearly trying to get out as fast as he can. Eddie doesn’t let him, though, since he’s obviously not thinking very clearly and is most likely about to do something emotional and stupid. He asks if Steve’s alright, and his answers are all short and rushed, so he’s definitely not. They’re not really friends, but Eddie’s not an asshole.
— “Did you drive?” Eddie asks
“Yeah”
“Well, you’re drunk, Steve. You can’t get behind a wheel right now. And if I knowingly let you, then that makes me an accomplice. I’ll take you home.”
Steve tries to protest, attempting to push past him, but Eddie interjects. “Yeah, yeah, alright! Don’t thank me yet, Steve’o. This is not for you, see, I’m not trying to get a criminal record, here. I cant go to prison, Steve. Do you know what they’d do to a pretty guy like me in prison? Nope, let’s go hot stuff.” —
Eddie takes Steve home. They don’t talk much. By the time they reach Steve’s drive way and Eddie has put his van in park, Steve is making no attempt to exit the vehicle just yet. Eddie doesn’t know what to do, he didn’t really plan this far, so he’s just tapping away awkwardly at his steering wheel while Harrington stares down the dashboard so clearly lost in thought Eddie fears his head might explode. Steve tells Eddie what happened, says it’s ‘relationship troubles’, and he’s not quite sure what compelled him into being so honest with Eddie Munson, but he’s blaming the alcohol. Eddie wasn’t expecting that. They chat for a bit, Eddie makes Steve laugh and considers the whole night a success after that. Then they start cracking jokes about their shared hatred for Hargrove, and Steve looks and sounds a bit more ok to go inside. He thanks Eddie, quite sincerely actually, and it throws him a bit. He stutters a ‘yeah, for sure. It’s no problem.’ And Steve goes home.
After that, it’s a little different. Steve, doesn’t actually really have anyone, anymore. When they go back to school he’s now greeting Eddie here and there in the hallways, making conversation when they find themselves alone together, in the lunch line or at the bathroom sink. He doesn’t approach Eddie when there’s too many people around, though. As much as he’s grown, Steve Harrington still carry’s some prejudice in him about how certain things may make him look. But it doesn’t bother Eddie too much. It’s not like they are really friends, they’re just like, strange acquaintances. And Steve would never deny that they get along, that really Eddie’s ‘not so bad’. So that’s a win.
Steve finds Eddie again not long after the party to buy some more weed, a plan that sparked purely out of boredom. Eddie says yes, of course, but tells him if he wants it today he will need to wait till after school and meet Eddie at his place, since he was busy. So Steve takes a trip to the Munson trailer to make his deal. Eddie invites him inside and they sit together on the couch as he gets Steve’s bag ready. They end up making quite pleasant conversation, joking around and ultimately finding they are really enjoying each other’s company. They enjoy it so much so, that Steve ends up smoking there, with Eddie. So now they are kind of like, hanging out? And it’s fun, so they do it again. Still they’re not, friends friends, they just get along. Eddie just sells Steve weed sometimes and they keep it civil.
He doesn’t hear from Steve for a while, and the next time he sees him it’s from a distance, in passing. The man has the most roughed up face Eddie has ever seen, bruised and swollen in multiple areas, stitches and bandages all over. It’s really, concerning? completely metal, but alarming. This is the second time Eddie has seen the guy all beaten up like that. He knew that boys fight, but surely not that bad? As worried as he was, Eddie doesn’t approach him to ask questions, because they don’t know eachother like that. So he goes on about his day, and he doesn’t see Steve again after that for quite some time.
Then it’s summer, Eddie isn’t graduating again, and he’s not really sure what to do with himself over the break. The new mall has just opened up, and there’s a cool music store up on the second floor that he likes to visit sometimes with his band friends. And wouldn’t you know, working at the Scoops Ahoy located directly across from his favourite store, is Steve Harrington. The guy hasn’t come to Eddie for any weed since last year, and then there was that sighting where he looked like he’d just fallen face first into a flying fist or two, so it’s been a minute since Eddie’s seen him. And he’d be lying if he said it wasn’t a nice surprise. He only goes into scoops once. He’s curious, okay? Sue him. And, he knows the girl who works with him, Robin. So he plays it off like he had no idea he’d see Steve there. And to his surprise, Steve actually acknowledges him. He doesn’t act like Eddie is a total stranger just because they’re not in school anymore. The interaction is quick, they make very casual conversation, Eddie says hi to Robin, grabs his milkshake and goes home. That’s all. He doesn’t go back, and he doesn’t really plan to. Steve’s nice, and he knows Eddie’s around if he needs to buy from him again, and that’s really as far as their relationship goes. That’s all it ever was. It’s been fun getting to know Steve Harrington a little bit better, even if it was just for a short time. Eddie liked having the chance to see in past the quaffed hair and pressed polo shirts to learn that Steve was really just a person under it all. He never thought he’d say it, but Harrington wasn’t so bad. It was a nice little eye opening experience for Eddie.
Eddie was ready to write off his little blips of interaction with Steve Harrington as a thing of the past, no hard feelings, and move on with his life. That is, until he gets a knock at his front door in the middle of the night afew days after the big mall fire. And it’s Steve on the other side. And he looks awful, his face is the worst Eddie’s ever seen it. And he wasn’t really knocking, more like pounding. He says he needs Eddie’s help.
What the fuck?
#and then he#he asks eddie for help getting really strong drugs oit of your system#and if he knows if there’s anything out there that can have long lasting affects on your system#and if he can please have some weed too actually so he can sleep because maybe that will help#because please give me more paranoid steve not just moving on right away from being fuckinh drugged non consensually !!!#i need to see season 3 steve going to eddie for help after the russians because he doesn’t know anywhere else#and eddie is just like what the actual fuck is this man on about ????#what the hell goes on in the harrington household that causes him to get a black eye annually#and now be rambling about getting drugged????#eddie getting so curious about what is actually going on with him#ugh#anyways might write this proper oooh what do we think#stranger things#eddie munson#steve harrington#steddie#robin buckley#st3#stranger things 2#stranger things 3#steve and eddie#steddie fic#steddie au
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Random hcs that have been on my mind for the past couple days: now in doodle format!
Text for each drawing written out under the cut in case it's not clear or anyone wants to translate it!
(1) <- Somehow soft?? <-Sometimes makes a comforting hum/rumble <-Holding for support
(2) <-Walks so quietly everywhere he goes <-Is about to meet god
(3) <-Can't see well in the dark (no eyelights) <-Can't help himself
(4) <-Thinks Color will turn Killer against him and convince him to run away
(5) <-Thinks Nightmare is using them all for the negativity and has brainwashed Killer into liking it
(6) <-Thinks if he runs and jumps at Cross as fast as he can Cross will lift him and it'll look so cool
#UTDR#UTMV#My Art#Horror Sans#Nightmare Sans#Color Sans#Killer Sans#These are all kinda random but at least I got something drawn today!!#I do really love the hc of Horror having that slasher movement about him#Because I have it too and I wanna share it with him#I can't stop scaring the people around me by entering rooms or walking up to them and I think he should have that too#It's almost always unintentional and scares him too when they suddenly yell#But sometimes... sometimes it's for funsies#Killer refuses to use a light of any kind even when he can't see so he's kind of asking for it#Also this is the short version of how I think Color and Nightmare are in a dadmare situation#They still have beef but it's like. they're both paranoid#They both think the other is gonna convince Killer to never see them again but it never happens#Maybe it gets resolved in some way but that's for another post#Also HorrorDust cuddles#Because that's the kind of nap I wanted to have earlier so I'm living vicariously through Dust#Also my first time trying to draw XChara! I hope I did okay!!#Trying to incorporate them into things slowly for Wick#Anyway I need to consider sleep goodnight gang!! :D
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Just wanted to say I'm really happy that you have shared so much about your characters! I've been following you for a long while now, and I think I remember your post expressing worry about talking about your characters. After seeing all the love shown to them, it makes me happy that you decided to!
Aaa thank you for your kind words! ;-;
[22.7. Editing these here]
#you remember right yeah#years ago somewhere along the road I got really skittish and self-conscious about talking about my characters#I would draw them but I was really uncomfortable sharing any of their .... lore or backgrounds or such#the floodgates sort of collapsed late spring or early summer last year#I still get these pangs of embarrassement and hesitation and think “oh god this is humiliating this isn't relevant or useful”#“I don't know why I'm telling you this”#so it really truly boosts my confidence when people show interest in hearing about my dogs#and ask questions and give feedback#it means so much to me#answered#anonymous#it's an ongoing struggle because of course I want to talk about this stuff I think about them every day#but I'm also paranoid about coming across annoying and self-centered#you know?
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so uh
for 1. most people are gonna take advantage of black friday and wont see your specific niche tumblr post, I hate to say it
2. the us isnt running out of money for war any time soon, so...
3. this is just antisemitism???????? all we need is some (((echoes))) around the us and israel and then I'd have no reason to suspect otherwise from op...............
#why in tf do you think they care that much about getting your money rn and not before in any other war?#does it. mayhaps. have something to do w jewish people being involved now?#our tax dollars go to the govt regardless and has been for years and we already have an obscene amount of funding for military shit#preeetty sure they're not concerned about getting a couple hundred tumblr users money...#and also pretty sure one could only believe that if they're paranoid about jewish ppl.................#hard not to put two and two together and figure out op is prolly antisemitic and hopefully they just dont realize it#i say hopefully they dont realize it bc thats better than someone who knows and is pretending to be a leftist still.#if anything this pause happened bc its thanksgiving and biden doesnt wanna think about it over the holidays. thats p much it.#thats the only amount of conspiracy theory im willing to believe in this situation lmao.#but that ^ still assumes that biden has some sort of control over this that he really doesnt#and i dont think netanyahu cares that much about thanksgiving tbr...#it sounds more like to me that op is seeing this from a very american centric pov and assumes everyone celebrates thanksgiving#or cares enough about it to remember the dates.... i dont think this is as planned as op is making it out to be and any insinuation#that it IS planned sounds like conspiracy theory talk to me personally. i dont think biden is hittin netanyahu up and going#'hey thursday is thanksgiving and would be the perfect time to pause so we can (((get peoples money))) out of them#asiftheUSdoesnthaveplentyalready' like i just really dont think that convo is happening lmao.
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Idk if you already answered an ask like this already but does Splinter and Donnie have a good father and son relationship? 🤔
For the most part, yeah it's good. Splinter still has his flaws of course, as much as he loves Donnie he isn't always very good at showing it, and he's still dealing with some pretty intense depression.
That being said, taking care of one mutant turtle child, while still hard, is significantly easier than care of four. Because of that, Splinter in this AU is able to dedicate a lot more time to Donnie. On the flipside, because Donnie doesn't have any siblings to entertain him, he seeks out Splinter for company a lot more, and Splinter isn't always able to give all of the attention that he needs. But overall, I'd say they are closer in the AU than they are in canon, considering they've mostly only been able to rely on each other for so long.
#also splinter learnt about donnie encountering draxum and the other turtles like right after it happened#mostly because donnie immidietly ran to him demanding answers when he found out he has THREE secret siblings#because of that splinter is a lot more involved in the plot of season one#he's really paranoid about donnie getting yoinked by the drax family so he starts training donnie for real so that he can defend himself#so in that way he's also more present in donnie's life the main story as well#but i still have to figure out more about that specific part of the plot so i'm hiding it in the tags for now lol#Tiz Sep AU#tizel talk#tmnt#rottmnt#rottmnt au
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Headcanon #500:
Mind is afraid that when he distances himself from or above the others, that he will be too far gone to come back down. That when his paranoia gets the best of him, he'll shut everyone else out and then be completely alone with no way back to where he was before.
Heart is afraid that if Mind is right, with the idea that what he does isn't genuine, that he's being manipulative without realizing it. Then therefore being Whole without himself there is the better option. That he'd be thrown out because his ideas would then be "not worth it" or even "vile"
Soul is afraid that no matter what he does or how good things will be, they'll always eventually split up again or even end up worse. Even then he has no clue what he's supposed to do or be during everything, and so because of that he'll never be whole. Or worse that he'll never really "feel" whole.
#kiiiiiiiinda just saying what is a bit talked about in the album but eh#i like this#fun fact: i made this & saved it as a draft back when it was just barley over 100#finally being posted at 500#wanting to post my own at each hundred mark cos why not#i say that but there's only one more submission in the queue atm soooo#send me your headcanons now to make my own ideas for special occasions get it like special hahaha [please send more i only have so many]#[idk what to do after I run out help]#haha anyway#next are my old tags from when i first made this post#cj soul#cj mind#cj heart#chonny jash#wow did KJ just attempt to make an angst headcanon? never thought that would happen#anyways idk how much this makes sense but eh it works#if theres anything to get from this or how my ideas with them work#mind can be overly paranoid. heart can be too protective of himself. and those idea make them believe the other has it out for them#soul has no idea how to really deal with that let alone what he's supposed to be#or something along those lines#idk its 5am man idk what im talking about#i need to go to bed pfft#chonnys charming chaos compendium
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Oh, man, here's loverboy:
God, that's a lot of dialogue...
I said I would use the Dio outfit. Well... mostly. I didn't want to straight up copy it, so I simplified and tweaked it to fit my style. Such an excellent outfit, though...
I'll be honest, Smitten was actually my least favorite for the longest time. (Yes, even surpassing Broken at one point.) One, he was just generally annoying, talking way too much. Two, his reaction to the deconstructed Damsel (him calling her "perfect" after demonstrating zero agency for herself) was particularly disturbing to me.
And then I played the Thorn...
And I heard the best line in the game. No contest. That line lives rent-free in my brain. I think about it at least once a week.
That version of The Look conversation is my personal favorite. I am just so curious about Hunted in particular. Who, and when, and where, and...? (If it's Cheated, I know someone who's gonna explode.) Also, I know Smitten wasn't a part of that original conversation, but he did spawn from it, so...
I kinda wished I did more with his berserk side (you know, after you kill the Princess), but I think it might be better when I get to Cold... Oh the ideas I have with that...
I've nicknamed him Rome. A bastardized version of Romeo, mostly because I didn't want to use Romeo. Too cliché. Also, Rome is a pretty romantic city, or so I've heard.
Alrighty. This took longer than I expected. Time was not on my side this week. That, and I was working on a few other projects alongside this one. One of which is another voice that some might have already seen... hmm... Another is something of an introduction. I feel like I just sorta... appeared suddenly in this community. Completely out of the blue. So I wish to properly introduce myself in a future post. Hope y'all like that. :)
Some other guys:
Narrator
Hero
Cheated "Jack"
Hunted "Frisky"
Broken "Fred"
#slay the princess#stp fanart#stp voices#voice of the smitten#in truth#that dream line is actually in competition with another line for best in the game for me#something that Paranoid says#but i'll get to that when i get to him#also i don't really have “least favorites” anymore#all of them have at least one attribute that i enjoy#yes even Broken#ramble#my art#:)#stp voice designs
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Can I ask for Paranoid for the Bingo game,please?
By the way your art is gorgeous!
anxiety be damned my boy can heart on those lungs til he. nerves??? [EXTREMELY LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER]
i don't have much to say abt him tbh! just a guy to me, just a gal to me. which is very amusing to me since he used to be my favorite voice in the game because of the iconic mantra, but then broken came in with the steel chair and snatched his throne. i was going to draw that for this scribble but uhm. that didn't go through-
but as always i'm very excited to see him in the pristine cut! not just because of the apotheosis expansion ("i'll keep him in check" yeah i bet you will homo) but according to code we're getting a parskep route and i need to see that!!!!
#also tysm for liking my art sisiejdhab i know i say it a lot but it does surprise me!#i like para but compared to honey i just don't feel as much of a need to really delve into his character#the wraiths are cool but their themes and parallels don't grip me as much as the wilds#i get the hype around this little guy tho i love him. i think he deserves a kith#♡. letters sent#♡. scribbles#♡. stp roommates#voice of the paranoid#voice of the broken
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Coquette dragoon is really good scifi and mech content, cw for ageplay and abdl themes but done between adult characters carefully written in a really empathetic, thoughtful way... it contrasts two ways of seeking power and the implications of each, power granted by the state to harm others vs personal reclamation of trauma. Very interesting, unique yuri vn so far
#i was in a vn rut but this really stood out to me#i get paranoid me suggesting kt comes off as problematic or smth but honestly its. less problematic than most vns#by virtue of not having any characters fhat are actual children being sexualized in it#like i love ryukishi07 and suggest his work but the tropes present........ its more questionable thsn directly showing kink btwn adults
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im ngl with you i need people to stop saying mithrun is stupid. whether you're referring to him before or after the dungeon- he is canonically one of the smartest characters in the series. (he literally is 1 of 2 characters who have their intelligence at the maximum on their profiles?)
if you're calling predungeon mithrun stupid for going insane idk what to say to you. mithrun was completely alone with what is essentially his abuser- every other dungeon lord has had someone they care about or someone who was willing to extend kindness to them while they were lord of the dungeon, mithrun never got that luxury, the canaries literally waited till he went insane to save him and milsiril was seconds away from mercy killing him
as for current mithrun, his trauma, depression and how suicidal he is has effectively changed how he thinks- he is literally putting himself in the most danger when he fights
#also it feels really ableist. like what the fuck#this is ontop of the fact that im sure previous mithrun being paranoid and aggressive just sped up the demons treatment of him#ofc people call him stupid. or else they might have to contend with how trauma can change how someone thinks#maybe there is a smarter way to word this. someone smarter than me could talk about this but i wanted to get this out because it was pissin#me off so much. like jesus fuck.#dungeon meshi#mithrun#this post was specifically made bcs i see people calling him 'as stupid/stupider than a child'#my post
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Idk if this is a controversial opinion but I low-key hate when people make Kim and his brothers distant but decide Kim is besties with Vegas at the same time
Kim had no problem walking into a random warehouse and immediately shooting at Vegas on sight
Like idc if it's just that Vegas and Kim are friends/friendly but it's when they specifically add that they are friends and Kim hates his brothers/does not interact with them but he kept in touch with Vegas?
#I personally feel like in canon Kim is at best neutral on Vegas but more likely has the same#feelings as Kinn and Tankhun and heavily dislikes/hates Vegas/the minor family in general#Like I understand it probably comes from Kim doesn't want to be in the#in the mafia*#then Vegas also gets out of it when his dad dies but it feels forced to me#(forced isnt the right word but i cant think rn)#i really can not see any circumstance where kim is willingly and happily reaching out to vegas to become friends#this extends to when people make chay friends with pete#kim is a reserved person why would he ever reach out to a cousin he has been taught to hate for years#even if theyre family tensions got resolved kim is not going out of his way to be friends#and i can not see vegas doing that either#any reason kim has to not interact with his brothers would surely somewhat extend to vegas?#idk if this is just a me thing but the second i see kim and vegas are best friends it annoys me#kim is not going to vegas over his brothers idc how bad his relationship is with them#if hes too paranoid to trust his brothers why would he trust vegas?#kim theerapanyakul#vegas theerapanyakul#mine
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Why is Erik taking a shower and is fully prepared to fight naked in that panel 😭
my man turning into a baby is a typical tuesday activity but the second he wanna little naked shower fight NOW its suspicious 🤨
#snap chats#cant a man be a lil hostile and naked in his home ... 'his' home ... w/e ...#this is the part where i reward tag readers CONTEXT TIME#i mean. it's not crazy context but anyway#erik went for a swim and As You Do went to shower off once he was done. cant have chlorine in the hair.... gon damage his beautiful locks..#he was shavin in the shower when he hears someone come in so Naturally he assumes the worst as this is Xavier's School For Gifted Youngster#never a moment of peace not even to shower and shave ..#'whyd he go for a swim' I Dont Know he really just decides on that. maybe it was a complex way to give him a weapon#maybe they just wanted to draw him naked and in a speedo I Dont Know 2x sounds like something id do frankly#the context is pretty much isolated from the story- like it's more of a scene starter and reintroduces tom and sharon into the plot#CONTEXT: tom and sharon are Effectively erik's coworkers at the school who caught one of emma's students- empath- acting a fool on site#empath- as it may be assumed- has the ability to mess with people's emotions and so. how we say.#'had tom and sharon distract each other' for a few hours while he fucked around the mansion and more specifically#fucked with erik's emotions to make him depressed enough to give up the new mutants to emma#Hence the mansion was virtually empty bar danielle and warlock which probably didnt help make erik Less paranoid of sudden noises#hence .... razorblade combat time ... but yeah once he realizes its just tom and sharon he's like Oh Fuck The Hell Happened#and then he gets super pissed once he realizes empath kinda tricked him into giving up his kids 🥰#god i love this issue i really do .. cant wait til next month where i can read what happens next ..#'snap you have the internet' OK AND I LIKE MY PHYSICAL MEDIA. plus i like this arc so far i want a physical of it ...#but yeah thats why eriks naked and prepared to cut someone with a razor. you can learn more in The New Mutants number 39 :]
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Do you play the dark urge because you like the extra lore or do you play the dark urge because you’re greatest fantasy is your loved ones seeing the absolute ugliest side of you and deciding to treat you with love and patience anyways.
#I don’t hate you because this isn’t you gets me everytime#bg3#baldurs gate 3#baldurs gate#bg3 dark urge#bg3 durge#dark urge#I reject way to much on the dark urge for it to be healthy#what it feels like having really sever mental illness#the splitting#mood swings#and irrationality from the bpd#the impulse control#the memory issues#and confusing from the adhd#the crippling paranoid anxiety#he’s just like me fr
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if you have a good vibe/kind thought to spare and could send it my way. i'd really appreciate it.
#saying goodbye to my friend murphy tomorrow#i'll be okay. it's the right decision and i'll get through.#life is just going to be really hard and sad for a while#i don't want to talk about it in any detail but i feel like i have to say it out loud#and i have this paranoid anxiety thought that's like if I don't tell people he's gone they will ask about him#snd I won't be able to handle that for a little while#I don't need acknowledgment or sympathy. I don't need to talk to anyone. I don't need cheer-up fodder#so no need to send me anything or talk to me about it really i promise#just if you can take a second to love and appreciate the animals in your life. that would be really nice.#you don't have to tell me about it it would just be nice to feel there's love out there#writing this all out is making me feel so stupid. i've deleted and rewritten several times#but i gotta because it would be a lot worse if i was worrying about not talking about it#so yeah. no need for likes or comments or dms or asks or anything. just give someone some love for me ok?#murphy is the senior yellow lab you may have seen me post pics of sometimes. he's my parents' dog but he's my buddy.#and he's gotten me through a lot. like a lot a lot#and i'm going to miss the hell out of him#and i'm so worried about my parents. they're going to have a much worse time than me.#and they don't need anything else on their plates right now#it's just everything you know?#and all at the same time too. 2024 has been just one gut punch after the other#so yeah. if you could give your pet a hug or a treat or a scratch or take them on their favorite walk. that would be awesome#this was good actually typing all this nonsense out helped a little. still don't want to talk about it but at least i have ideas for#the 'leave me the fuck alone' email i'm going to send everyone tomorrow at work
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