#and i genuinely feel bad complaining about it bc its like

[jaywhere]

im about to drop so much unnecessary information but i think i need to like write this down and get it out of my system bc i dont think ive ever actually like put it on paper all in one place but

i went to graduate school in like 2019 i already knew a bunch of the profs in the program and id promised myself that if i got into this program specifically i would bite the bullet and transition bc it was going to be the cheapest option so id actually have the money and i would have at least some social support bc id be close to home and like. yadda yadda transitioning is bad grad school is toxic you end up spending like 8-12 hours a day with 30 random high achieving people and its Bad, trans stuff was not the only thing that everyone was bad about.

i have been trying very hard recently to find like joy in being a man and loving myself and all that extremely gay shit but back then i was this like tightly wound ball of anxiety and insecurity and transitioning in that environment while not knowing a single other trans person irl was kind of unhinged of me and i dont mean to sound like an asshole but i did graduate with a 4.0 and im good at my fucking job now despite all that shit and i am extremely brave and awesome for that. and i could spend a lot of time talking about how all of that fucking psychologically fucked me up but i am here today to talk about one specific person who at the time i made a lot of excuses for but looking back on it im. i just need to write it out lmfao.

so i went to grad school not for fun academic reasons but bc my current profession is like one of those things where u gotta have a special license and training and all that jazz, not gonna doxx myself but u get it. one of the pieces of that is u have to get a certain number (like Many Hundreds) of direct hours practicing how to do this job, usually on site at the university for the first year and then externally as a graduate intern at some kind of real world job site. some programs make you find your own internships but mine was one where we were directly assigned -- a thing my anxious undiagnosed adhd ass was specifically looking for lol -- and there was one lady who was in charge of finding those placements and picking out which student goes where. she also had minimal teaching responsibilities where we had a 1-hour long lecture with her once a week and it was extremely pointless everything else im about to say aside this lady was either sleep deprived all the time or really just not very smart

so you know me, baby trans, publicly transitioning in this toxic environment, constant microaggressions from my peers -- dear lord one time this lady in her 40s with like kids who used to be in the military made me sit with her in grad work room and explain to her what rights exactly i think i dont have as a trans person a lady from the fucking MILITARY who was enlisted in the fucking DONT ASK DONT TELL ERA and then i just had to move on and sit there for like three hours studying -- christ!!! anyways it was not great but this particular professor would literally constantly misgender me in her class, like to the fucking point where i had other students point it out like "why does she do that like youre not even raising your hand" and it became this whole thing where i was like. fuck do i need to sit in the back and even though my adhd ass really needs to be in the front do i need to just start loudly interrupting her so she feels as embarrassed as i do or am i gonna get in trouble for that can i ask other students to help me out JOKES ON YOU i tried that and it did not fucking work for like 8 different reasons

so i eventually just started trying to interrupt her and tbh it made her do it more frequently and draw even more attention to myself and i honestly would have just started skipping the class if it wouldnt have flunked me and you know how theres that whole thing they do in academia (other minority postbach homies will understand) where theyre like "well you say this thing is due to [minority status] but you didnt clearly communicate to us your needs why are you only telling us now" and its like i dont fucking know what about any of this situation (massive power difference between me and a prof, ability of prof to literally end my career before it starts, ability to make my life so miserable i get depressed and completely stop functioning only to say im not "cut out" for your highly selective program) makes academics think anybody is gonna feel okay communicating openly and honestly with them. so i never fucking complained like a chump just jay out here living in literal hell all the time always

and then she gives us these. god awful fucking case study type presentations. they are based on real people, one of them is trans. i wasnt assigned to the group that had that case but i got this awful feeling about it so i read through it and the whole thing was so fucking awful, like calling this poor trans woman's name a pseudonym bc its not her birth name, giving really inappropriate details about like gential surgeries which were really not relevant, super outdated language like we're just throwing the word transsexual around and defining "passing" wrong, i'm pretty sure misgendering this poor lady just to be like "well JUST to be CLEAR she (he) is really a MAN"

and like setting aside how awful that made me feel because, you know. looking back on it that's what literally everyone around me was thinking about me all thrle time. i had this whole conversation with myself where i was like. i have not complained i dont want to rock the boat i have approached literally every interaction ive had here trying to be a fucking model minority and it is straight up killing me a little. but i cannot let my classmates think this is an acceptable way to talk about trans people. shit that happens to me is my choice, shit that impacts others is not.

so i made an office hours appt with this lady. there was no fucking way to casually talk to her so it was like formal appt a week in advance felt like i was gonna throw up for days and i walk in psyching myself up to be so nice and helpful and understanding i just want to learn this shit and get my fucking degree. i explain so nicely like hey this maybe isnt the best. i wouldnt feel good if someone talked about me this way. i know it must be hard to find resources about trans people. we're so niche. id be happy to help you find another resource. we could maybe even salvage this one, or we could use it as-is and also talk about why all these things are bad. i dont want to take away everyones opportunity to learn about trans people, its so valuable and important, i just want it to he good info. i was so fucking -- i do not think i could have behaved better

and anyways here are some things this lady said to me during this meeting: oh yeah i thought when you made this appt it might be about this. she misgendered me like three fucking times -- how the hell do you even do that in a 1-1 conversation??? -- and acted like she didnt notice every. fucking. time. she did it. lady had the gall to like brag??? complain???? to me about how she ignores the emails she gets from turning point usa like WOW THAT MUST BE SO FUCKING HARD FOR YOU...ignoring emails...dear god, the moxie! (foreshadowing) and then admits that she knew the resource might have been shitty when she assigned it but felt assured that i would come to her and let her know if it was bad. which to this day makes me so fucking angry i spent so many hours freaking out about that meeting NOT FUCKING STUDYING -- and the whole fucking program was so vocal about racial/ethnic diversity and disability she would have immediately realized how inappropriate that sentiment is if it had been about NEARLY ANY OTHER MINORITY GROUP!!! and then she fucking is like "well ill just scrap it and we wont talk about trans people at all" and i kept pushing like hey no, hey no, please dont do that, dont let all these people graduate without having to have this conversation just once. and she was like eh and i OFFERRED to find someone to try and come give a fucking training (that didnt involve a fucking privledge walk and extensive discussion of the word womyn god i hate universities so much!!!!!!) and she was like uhh maybe and i immediately fucking went and found some folks to do it ANYWAYS bc i was struggling so much

and then covid hit like two weeks later and none of that mattered anyways!

i then lost all of my opportunities to get hours on campus (while other folks were able to continue virtually). it was entirely random but it was extremely shitty considering id gotten fewer hours in the fall bc the program had just relocated and there were all of these resource issues. i was meant to be included in an intensive project over the summer where i'd get a ton of hours because of the focus area i'd chosen, but i ended up getting less than half the hours that had been projected bc we had to do it virtually. so i ended out my first year of grad school with something like 85 hours out of 400. i wasnt in close contact with all my classmates but as far as i could tell i was definitely on the lower end in my cohort.

the semester starts in like august and this lady does not give me an internship placement until late october. i am literally the last person to be placed along with my classmate who shared the internship site with me.

in addition, the location and setting in which i am placed. i live in a major city in texas -- not awesome but i do not feel actively unsafe out in the world and there are visibly trans people Around. she assigned me to the kind of location where pulling into the wrong driveway as a visibly queer or nonwhite person can get you shot. and its a setting for trans people that is, i would say, at significantly higher risk of getting you fired or written about in fox news.

its august. i have been on t for about a year, but i hadnt had top surgery yet. and im likr 5'1 and kinda chubby. i have just started to reliably pass but its very context dependent and i have to put a Lot of work in.

this lady hasnt seen me since february. no one from the program has. she straight up does not think i pass. as she made abundantly clear to me.

not once did she ever try to contact me to let me know who of the people id be working with knew i was trans, give me any advice on how to approach the situation, or offer me literally any kind of support.

i have thought about this a lot over the years, because at the end of the day nothing ended up happening. i spent like an hour and a half every day driving to this internship fucking STRAPPED in my binder so i ended up wearing it for like at least 10 hours a day for months. i had to show my id to the front desk staff every time i went in and they would print me out a sticker i was supposed to wear with my deadname and my picture from my license where i was very clearly a woman. id have to wear just long enough to leave the office and immeditely strip it off in the hallway and discreetly throw it away before my supervisor saw, because i quickly INFERED that my supervisors did not know i was trans. the front office ladies would whisper about me every day. i was literally constantly on edge worrying when she shoe was gonna drop and my supervisors or the site admin or a client would find out and i'd get kicked out of the internship.

and this lady had spent so long yelling at us about how she cannot guarantee that youll graduate on time if you turn down an internship and you go on the bottom of the list for a new placement if you get kicked out and if you have to stay to get more hours you have to pay for a whole other semester of hours. i was already behind bc of covid.

i want to make it clear that in hindsight i understand that this was discrimination, quite obviously actually. at best it was straught negligence and at worst outright retaliation. at the time i really thought about complaining to the director or making a title ix complaint but i knew they were just going to blame it on covid. and if i went through and made a complaint and they completely agreed and removed me from the site, covid would be a great excuse to not give me another placement right anyway so either way i was just. boned.

my next placement was a lot safer thankfully but it was at the exact same setting as before. which, you know, not the best setting for trans people and the way this job works out, if you don't get practice hours in a specific setting its really hard to make the shift after graduation. i ended up getting a job at this place after actually which is great but its like. i got shut out of this whole area of my field. and that is NOT typical, even with covid most of the people in the class got more varied placements than i did. like ive told people in my field about getting two of the same type of job site and they were like "wait you can do that and graduate" and like a ton of people dont even WANT to have varied placements bc they already know exactly where they want to working im sobbing. like ive been trying to get into the one area of my field where we work with trans people and its so hard bc i just dont have any of these foundational experiences i need for that!!!

and now i am. screaming im screaming no im moving out of state bc we are getting to the point where if i stay here and things get any worse im going to be able to get charged with a sex crime for pissing at my place of employment and lose my fucking license or just have to explain it to every fucking landlord and licensing board for the rest of my life forever and like. just like the placement, is it likely to happen? probably not. but i dont deserve to live in the fear of losing my livelihood every day!!

so im in the process of leaving the damn state bc its not fucking safe for me. and the state im moving to needs this fucking paper filled out by my graduate program saying im competent to do this damn job and i did all the hours which is so fucking stupid bc they GRADUATED ME with a fucking 4.0!! and i have emailed this lady twice trying to get her to fill out the damn paper and she has not responded

im just like. so tired. i thought so hard about filing a complaint with the chair or title ix. i didnt, because i didnt wanna "burn the bridge" or whatever and i wasnt gonna win anyways. like i knew it would just be me having to relive all that shit and getting told i didnt advocate for myself well enough and its actually my fault AND I WAS PROBABLY RIGHT lets be real but i am like. regretting not doing that bc then at least there would be a paper trail.

i had like a whole fucking freak out today realizing that this lady 100% has the power to put me through that exact same awful insidious kind of discrimination that's so hard to meaningfully prove and its making me feel out of control. i know im putting the cart before the horse it is just like. its genuinely hard to describe how awful and dehumanizing everything was during that time in my life. i pretty much stopped writing after that first placement and i fucking always had ignorant fucking assholes talking shit to me in my dms and ao3 comments, trans people picking fights with me over fanfiction and fucking say shit like "no trans person would ever say xyz" and "hes a disappointment as a trans person" and "i just dont think his trans fic is good representation" in public, zero fucking apology, i got on antidepressants for the first and only time in my life. and i was in a fucking emotionally abusive relationship! that shit broke my fucking brain!!

i am doing better now not the same guy anymore i have joy sometimes and i am functioning better than i literally ever thought possible and i am going to move so i can have a life.

but also even though it feels very bad like im talking every time i think about this my chest gets all tight like im gonna have a panic attack and it has been SO LONG since i felt that way, i am going to send the emails and and call the front desk and email the department chair and fucking drive up there and bother the shit out of her until she does it. and like hey maybe she fucking wont! but if she gives me a hard time. it will cause me significant professional consequences and little if any professional gain but like fuck if i deserved any of that!!! its been so many years and i keep talking down to myself like it wasnt that big of a deal im just being self-centered it was probably a coincidence youre blowing things out of proportion bc thats how all my cis classmates talked about it but like i WASNT. i wasnt, i was not being dramatic or sensitive or whatever. i was not safe and i had basically no power in that situation and it was messed up. i finished my hours fucking three days before the deadline! three days from having to pay like $3k more than all my classmates and cancel my fucking top surgery if i wanted to graduate!! lady fundamentally changed the course of my career for no motherfucking reason!!!!

all that to say if she gives me a hard time i am going to file a discrimination complaint against her national certification it takes like a year and there's like 0% chance i'll like "win" in arbitration or whatever regardless of whether or not she signs the stupid fucking paper. ill either have to pay like $3k more go to back to school or pay like $1k to pull some morally dubious license and certification nonsense or try to transition to another setting if she doesnt. but like fuck her and every academic like her who thinks they can get away with that kinda shit without any consequences

NOT TO BE DRAMATIC BUT I YHIMK GRAD SCHOOL GAVE ME TRAUMA ACTUALLY

[svnflowermoon]

why can i literally not function at school like i swear i'm trying i just can't focus????

[curlzformetal]

Got accused of anti-semitism at the airport and like. Yes, anti-semitism does exist, and we should call it out, and its essential especially in relation to the current climate but dude. Claiming that random strangers bitching about how our government spends our money means we are anti-semetic does nothing?? Like. Dude. Holy shit. How is that a productive or true criticism even remotely? Absolutely baffled.

[perenlop]

its so funny being a pokemon and kirby fan bc of fanservice like pokemon fans will bite and growl when gen 1 gets preferential treatment over and over again while kirby fans hear green greens remastered for the 60th time and collectively shout with joy

[violentdevotion]

I really want to be married someday but I've never been in a romantic relationship of any kind so I can't conceptualise myself as a wife or part of a unit and most of the women in my life have already gotten married by the time they were my age and the topic of marriage is one that comes up a lot but I genuinely can't see myself as anything other than 19 years old.

[the-tenth-arcanum]

I signed up for a mentorship scheme back when I still had some hope in my heart, and today I had a call with my mentor and needed to share my screen and I completely forgot I had a tab open on LinkedIn job postings

[gatitobladee]

silent running mv was really bad you guys🙁

[greatgoddyke]

this is petty n most likely an issue of ive just been exposed to entirely different shit but those posts about how people complaining about redemption arcs is bad bc its important message that people can change is just completely ignoring why people are actually complaining cause the big two examples i can think of for why people complain about redemptions are 1. the redemption is poorly written n ignores and/or retcons the previous seriousness of their wrongdoings just because the writer(s) want them to be good now n its kind of hard to do that if (for example) we take the lives they intentionally n mercilessly killed into account and 2. this character is an abuser but instead of taking accountability n bare minimum apologizing n letting their victim(s) choose whether they wish to still have them in their life the writer(s) choose a narrative where the abuser doesnt really have to change as a person they just dont abuse anyone anymore n the framing is weirdly unsympathetic to their victim(s)

[svsorov]

unfortunately i do fundamentally want to be kind

[spade-club]

Was crying to my partner about my trauma, they said something that made me think they didnt want to hear it so I went silent & then after a minute they said "what's your deal?" And when I asked what they meant they didnt respond and then a minute later fell asleep!! I'm going to kill myself!! (Maybe! If I can stop being paralyzed in fear over the everything of it!)

[killerlookz]

another think piece bc this is kind of getting ridiculous now and i feel so bad for the people on here who are constantly losing motivation or outright deleting their hard work bc of some dumbass kids on the internet

im genuinely curious now, bc i still keep seeing people post about their work being posted on joostwt... like it must be on purpose now right? look i can understand being naive and coming onto tumblr for the first time and just looking up a fandom you like and then being surprised when people are little freaks about it ... but i mean at this point you have to KNOW what is on tumblr we've been the talk of joostwt (and tikok honestly) for like over a month now... you're no longer "accidentally" stumbling upon nsfw works you're actively seeking it out. and specifically actively seeking it out to harass and degrade the people who made the work, to what? to prove your own "morality" in this fandom? do you really think joost feels better now that you've put some random person on blast? do you think he's going to get on his knees and thank you for fighting the evil disgusting tumblr fandom... omg get a GRIPPPP!

if the tumblr fandom bothers you so much... stop actively seeking out the tumblr fandom??? like if its so gross and weird to you WHY do you keep coming back. go block some tags, or delete tumblr off your phone and stop trying to live out your repressed high school mean-girl fantasies over the internet and go outside.

like personally i dont really enjoy the joost fandom on tiktok or twitter, so i just simply dont interact with them, that easy. sure if joost content happens to be on my feed ill probably like it, but other than that i dont go out of my way to search the joost tags, or seek out fan accounts, bc just not my vibe- i suggest the rest of you do the same for us on tumblr

and tbh like i probably assure you joost is not surfing the "joost klein x reader" tag on here 😭 he's not going to see this shit as long as YOUUUU stop reposting them other places. anyways if you want to complain about sexualization are you also going to complain about the women he sexualizes in his songs? or what about that short story he wrote where he talks about a woman going down on him in a club bathroom... are you going to complain that he sexualized that woman? or when he talks about how he stole his friend's mom's bra... are you going to whine about how he sexualized her? because that's him sexualizing a real-life person. i mean cmon if sexualizing real people is so bad, lets at least keep our morals consistent.

[marmaladeinlemonade]

Ppl will complain about Pressure updates and devs while forgetting Pressure is NEW.

Ik tumblr has more users with common sense but the amount of tiktoks and tt users say that the game was at its PEAK two weeks after the game's release just bc you could climb Sebastian, he wasn't (visibly) married (it was always written into his character), and tolerated the players slightly more is INSANE.

Most games, at that, aren't at its peak gameplay and story a month after release!!

"The anti-climbing mechanic doesn't even fix anything!" Yeah because you climbed Sebastian several times over ofc at SOME point you're gonna get softlocked bro. Maybe try playing pressure for a reason aside from harassing seb.

I genuinely feel like the pressure fanbase tend to forget that Pressure is from roblox programmers in a small developing group. This isn't Hoyoverse or DevSisters where the game is fully polished with information on all characters and a finalized world building upon release because the company has more time, money, and skilled labor to develop that. It was made in ~1 year and a rushed release.

Not only that, but Pressure is a passion-project. It isn't driven by money, which means there's not much of an incentive to please the playerbase with fan service content that changes lore/characters so people can buy it. (Fan service as in any content made to make ppl happy) So, developers are going to choose what they want to do with the game bc they don't care whether or not you play. Zeal said so first thing in his interview with Breadian.

Amazing features that enrich gameplay and world building such as Sebastian killing walldwellers and the DiVine being able to kill you, Navi-AI turning into a new character, and several new room types are hinted to come to Pressure but nooo!!! Its somehow cooked and unsavable because of ONE form of characterization YOU deem incorrect not even knowing the character's lore. Right.

Edit: Pressure has a future as a roblox game that values storytelling and immersing the user in it's world. We need rblx games like it that put work over profit so people stay on the platform. Especially when older and new games have become money hungry over time.

Its really crazy how people be biting the hand that feeds them. Seb could easily be replaced with an expendable or unknown void like jeffery as a merchant npc if this continues. Online users will really be out her acting like the person who wrote and designed their favorite character is all of a sudden BAD!! And their favorite character is RUINED!!! And TAKEN AWAY FROM THEM!! Because their personality wasn't made to please the fanbase.

Yes, Sebastian hates you. Not pouty tsundere hates you, he is literally keeping you alive against his own will by mr. Lopee. He not tryna fuck bro 🔥

[fairyhaos]

how seventeen react to their s/o bringing home a pet

requested by anon: "svt members reaction to you bringing home a pet? (Can change the animal for different members like kitten for wonwoo, puppy for mingyu etc) "

notes: i kinda altered it a bit to pet sitting? bc i just feel like it's a breach of consent (?) for you to bring in a whole entire pet to their lives unannounced lol

masterlist

seungcheol

stares at you and the cat in your arms with great scepticism as you beam up at him. you're looking after the cat for your friend while she's away for a couple of days, and seungcheol is very reluctant to call the cat cute for that entire time. he's loyal to kkuma and dogs, you know? does grudgingly admit that he's "not a bad cat" the day you're driving to drop the cat off to your friend. definitely complains about how much hair the cat shed tho

jeonghan

"oh, cool, a dog. did you pick him up off the sidewalk?" unbothered tbh. at least, he pretends to be, but he's then cooing all over the dog that you brought into the house. feeds the dog treats literally every five seconds, subsequently has him in love with him. is offended when you ask him to take the dog on the walk in the evening tho, bc wdym dogs need exercise???? he doesn't need exercise come on can't you take the dog on a walk instead?

joshua

the most adorable being he's ever seen is sitting in his room awww!!! oh and you're there too, he supposes. is shocked but mostly just vv soft when he sees you playing with a cute rabbit on his bed bc you'd bought it for your little niece and it had arrived early. pets the bunny for hours, fingers running through the soft fur, and manages to make the rabbit so comfortable in his arms that it falls asleep and just. cannot be woken no matter what you do

junhui

almost steps on the tortoise in his absentmindedness until you scream at him to look where he's going. then he's screaming too bc why is there a tortoise in the house?????? watches it with great awe as it walks very slowly around the house. tries to imitate the way it chews the lettuce leaves. asks how tortoise are able to do the deed with a shell on their back, and promptly watches several nature documentaries to find the answer

hoshi

the snake is out of control when he comes home, and as he sees you desperately trying to untangle the thick green thing from around their curtain pole, he screams and promptly backs out of the room. is shaking with terror the entire three days you're pet sitting the snake for your friend, despite the fact that you don't let the snake out of its glass box for the rest of the time it's here after that initial incident. tells you very seriously that you need to warn him of these things beforehand unless you want him to have a heart attack and die

wonwoo

"oh, when did we get a cat?" is totally chill. loves the adorable kitty that you've brought home for a couple of days to pet sit, bonds with it almost immediately. when the cat meows, he responds back like he knows exactly what the cat is saying to him. by the time your friend gets back, the cat is essentially refusing to part from wonwoo and is literally digging her claws into wonwoo's sweater in an attempt to not leave him. 

woozi

takes one look at the hedgehog that's temporarily taking up space in the corner of your room, laughs, and says it's basically the animal form of him. thinks the prickly and adorable little animal is rlly cute, but he's not really home enough to fully be able to spend time with it. takes a couple of pics and sends them to soonyoung tho, pretending that it's a deadly porcupine because honestly, hoshi probably would probably genuinely believe anything he said

minghao

"we're not keeping a skunk in the house." "hao, she's not a skunk!" "it has a weird tail and striped markings like a skunk, ergo, it's a skunk." "no!!" is not the most pleased when he comes home to you grinning at him, a ferret sitting on the top of your head. is slightly placated when you tell him you're just taking care of her for a friend who's away. will not touch the ferret, looks over in slight disgust and mild wonder as you play with the animal running up and down your arm. won't let you actually get a pet ferret tho. 

mingyu

there's a puppy in his apartment omg omg omg!!!! is excited for all of five minutes before he like "hey >:(( you're not replacing me with an actual pup are you??". still gets kinda sad when you tell him you're just pet sitting tho. bonds with the pup so well, is well on the way to replacing your friend as the puppy's actual owner lmao. takes the pup out with him when he goes for a morning run, and is actually really good n diligent at picking up the poop when the dog does its business on the street

dokyeom

he is enamoured oh god. you're not gonna be able to talk to your bf for a good hour bc he's not even gonna notice you're there. is totally fine with pet sitting your friend's dog for a week, and is utterly delighted to find out that the pup knows a few simple tricks. spends hours telling the puppy to roll over and sit and hold out its hand and by the end of it, both the pup and dokyeom are giddy with happiness. nearly cries when you have to say goodbye to the pup, asks your friend if he can pop by to say hi to his new friend sometimes

seungkwan

you adopted a dog without him?????? he literally already owns a dog why would you want to get another one. nods in understanding when you tell him you're pet sitting, pulls up a feeding and walking rota to make sure that the dog has The Best time while staying with you two. lowkey gets really sassy when the dog starts making high pitched barking noises at him for no reason, seems to communicate with the dog crazy well

vernon

he stands there confused at the sudden appearance of a fish tank in your living room for a good few minutes. turns out, your uncle is getting his new one fitted at home, but until he can get it fully prepped he needs someone to look after the fish, and that someone had been you. stares in fascination at the fish for a good hour that evening, mesmerised by them moving around. you laugh at him and call him a cat but he can't even deny it because the fish are just so fascinating to look at and honestly, he feels like a cat himself

chan

uhhhh honestly he's really not sure how he should react when he comes home to you staring at a glass box full with a bunch of twigs. it takes him a while to see the stick insect, thinks that maybe he should get his eyes checked out because ten minutes really is too long. it doesn't rlly bother him tbh. does think it's a little frustrating that it's taking him so long to see the insect. double checks and triple checks with you that there's actually an insect in that box and you aren't just messing with him. 

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[demonqueenart]

im just gonna be so genuine and say i love you but i dont understand what racist remarks you're talking about and it's really frustrating for me to hear people talk about this like its so serious when i havent seen anything at all thats bad. im white so i think i may have genuinely missed things but could you please just give me some examples? i really am trying to understand where you guys are coming from its just getting hard because everyone is just getting mad at each other whenever they talk about it. i know people are mad bc of something dan said about not being able to come on tour to third world countries and possibly something he said in like 2011 when he was in his crazy fake tan phase? i just really am not seeing anything here that i think would get people so worked up and i would love to understand better

Hey anon, I understand where you coming from. And I really appreciate you trying to understand better.

To be really honest, why things have blown up now is because of the upcoming tour. It’s not really about why they couldn’t go to the other continents when they’re planning to do 32 shows in US, even though that’s also fishy af cause they could’ve easily dipped into Mexico, and the route they using feels like they’re avoiding latam specifically. The way that they handled this with poc fans is the problem, because while they’re being excited from the tour or whatever, they have not once tried to explain why they couldn’t go to poc fans (or the majority of us that is. Some of us might live somewhere else.)

The way they keep retweeting and being hyped about the tour, while basically intentionally avoiding talking to us is just.. it hurts. Most of us complain about this, and even more expressing how they just need dnp to give them an explanation. But never once did they do it. Instead, they even launch more trailer lol. And I know they saw it, there’s a lot of us and they like snooping on social media anyway. It makes us feel like we’re not part of the tour, that it wasn’t meant for us. And it was actually the first time I questioned if I was really a part of this community at all.

Turning back to phandom with that state of mind, it can feel like everyone is abandoning you. Because just like dnp, everyone is only talking about the tour, and not about how this exclusion needs to be addressed. It’s understandable why people would feel angry when they just keep being ignored like their voices didn’t matter. But I know now, just because people didn’t interact with me, doesn’t mean they didn’t want to be there for me. We just might come from a different place. (Btw, if you’re western and you have poc friends who’s affected by this, please reach out to them. The reason why I’m still here rn is because of all my friends, western friends included, saying they’ll be there for me throughout this racism thing. They might be angry and hurt, and even assume the worst of you. And I won’t ask more than you can do. But saying you understand (or at least empathize the situation they’re in) and that you will support them no matter what, will help them a lot.)

Dan clearly carry a micro aggression around latam, and the fact that this still occur in wad really says a lot about how they’ve not grown from that. When dan said brazil and mexico were 3rd world country on was, that makes us feel like he’s looking down on us. And the fact that they have avoided latam specifically without giving any reason why they couldn’t go, well, there’s only so many things you can assume is happening under the surface. This makes us feel like they’re looking down on us, and that they’ve never seen their poc fans as equals.

The reason why the old stuff was brought up is because this isn’t the first time this has happened. Dan has made a lot of racist remarks, and while it’s understandable to slip up from time to time, and even more understandable why he might be afraid to actually apologize and own things up, it doesn’t excuse the patterns that are being repeated here. When he doesn’t take accountability to his past mistakes and keep repeating the patterns of racism and exclusion, that indicates he’s going to keep oppressing us forever without ever acknowledging it. And THAT is not okay.

We don’t want to cancel them, never once do we want that. We only want dnp to hear us and actually talk to us about this. They are not beyond redemption, but it’s going to be hard for them to open up considering the past fifteen years of them not doing that. So the only thing we can do at this point is to be more opened up about their racist remarks. We’re bringing up past mistakes now, because there’re still a lot of people who have been affected by this, and them not bringing it up is not going to make all that hurt go away. So I suggest, we should bring it up, not to cancel them or demonize them! But to acknowledge it exists so that we can heal from it. We can learn to love dnp despite being flawed, and normalize how to take accountability to make this place safer for poc. These voices can’t be avoided because that’s also a form of exclusion in this community. I want everyone to feel welcomed here, so I’ll listen to their voices when they need it. That way, there will be a place for poc to belong in this space. We can learn to include each other in, or at least I hope so :3

*also, this will be very funny if this ask turns out to be dnp, but whatever lol xD Hope we can catch up someday whoever you are (✿˵ ꒡3꒡˵)৴♡*

[elainsgirl]

HELP, because im literally dead laughing.

Why did an anti say in the bonus chapter that azriel is only upset because of his brothers having mates and not him. they also mentioned he wanted elain to be his mate because his brothers got two sisters... so thats why he gets the third sister?? then they kept saying over and over he just wants a mate? but, the part that really made me laugh was "if he and elain got together and he found his mate, hE wOuLd lEaVe eLaIn, nO hEsiTaTioN. elAin wOuLd giVe uP hEr mAtE, bUt aZriEl wOulDnT. " do they hear themselves right now? WHAT ARE THEY EVEN READING, for real? they lack reading comprehension so bad!!

Hey anon 🫶

GA stans will never beat the allegations they don’t actually understand Azriel’s character outside of whatever they can twist for their ship.

If Azriel’s whole sadness simply stemmed from the fact he solely wanted a mate - his whole character arc surrounding the fact he believes he deserves and should have a mate, there was no need for Sjm to bring Elain into it. Elain wouldn’t have needed to even be mentioned in the bonus. Rhys theorised that Azriel was waiting for the bond to snap between him and Mor - THAT would have been the focus.

According to GA logic you’d get the same result. Azriel could have gone to Rhys and whined about how it wasn’t fair his brothers had mates & he didn’t, him wondering why the bond hasn’t snapped between him & Mor -> You get the same “Az only wants a mate!” Rhetoric that GA stans love to push. Gwynriel’s clearly must then believe Az is stupid and dumb. Why else would he complain over not having Elain as his mate when he knows you can only have one mating bond? Its useless. He knows elain cannot be his mate so why is he being counterproductive and wanting her to be his mate? He should still be pining and obsessing over Mor being his fated mate. It potrays Az as being illogical and childish - which ig is how GA stans show him as.

There was no need to mention Elain, the cauldron or pointing out the oddity it is to have 2/3 brothers mated to 2/3 sisters. There was no need to make Elriel attracted to each other. These are not complex romances. There is no multiple Lis or relationships. If Gwynriel is endgame- Elriel will not happen in any capacity. Yet Mass chose to include Elain. Chose to confirm that Elriel are attracted to each other, brought up the cauldron being wrong once again in the context of elucien.

“"if he and elain got together and he found his mate, hE wOuLd lEaVe eLaIn, nO hEsiTaTioN. elAin wOuLd giVe uP hEr mAtE, bUt aZriEl wOulDnT. "

What kind of Li would he be? That destroys Azriels character completely to the point of no redemption. Elain and him finally being together only for him to leave her bcs “Oh look! I have my mate now!” - Basically using Elain, discarding her the first chance he gets when his mate shows up ? The fact gwynriels genuinely believe this tells me they don’t understand Sjm’s way of writing her male Lis nor do they understand Azriel’s character- it literally makes him look superficial and fickle. Why would you want Azriel to be potrayed like that!? Its not giving romance. Its not giving sjm. This is what I expect your sterotypical misogynistic man to come up with. Men who do not care about women’s feelings. Men who see women as objects that they can use to fill the void before discarding them as if they meant nothing. Its so sad to see women coming up with these takes, Why would you want Elain to go through such heart break? Do they think Gwyn will find it romantic? Their twisted fanon Gwyn might but I’ll tell you now, If canon Gwyn ever found out Azriel broke another womans’ heart to be with her, she’d clock him in the face twice. Do they think Nesta/Feyre will Support or understand Azriel dumping their darling sister bcs “oh well he’s found his mate now so its all good” basically according to gwynriels, If Gwyn wasn’t his mate - she’d too be thrown away. The only reason Az would go after Gwyn is because she’s his mate - is this what they find romantic? Bcs it just gives me the ick. Thank God Mass would never do such a thing. Say what you want about Sjm; she values Love & choice, female empowerment & friendship above all else even a mating bond.

Gwynriels do not understand these characters and a good romance story, if this take is anything to go by. Everyone deserves better from the way GA/EL stans treat them.

This just makes me glad im on the right side of this ship war because most elriels will never ruin these characters for our ship. It also reaffirms my belief in elriel.

[atthebell-moved]

hi, i completely agree that the fandom has a problem with misogyny and often fails at self-introspection. my question is, do you have any resources/tips/thoughts on how to be better about it? even, how to recognize it in yourself the first place? "ok i'll stop being a misogynist now" is a lot easier said than done, especially for people who might not be that educated on the subject, and majority of the people in this fandom are quite young as well.

this is long as fuck and possibly somewhat incoherent bc it took so long to write but i did my best

my biggest tip for people who don't know much about misogyny is to look at your own behavior and learn how to clock what you're doing as sexist.

are you criticizing a female creator? think about why you're doing it, what the actual beef you have with them is. if it seems to be just a sense of discomfort or thinking they're annoying or overly loud or pushy, think about male ccs who act the same way and why you dont consider them annoying. are you annoyed with them for being on a male cc's stream? why? does it feel like theyre taking up too much attention? do you get annoyed with them for talking too much or flirting with guys? for gaming especially-- do you get annoyed with them for not knowing something or being "bad" at a game? think about why that is and why its just funny when a male cc is bad at games or doesnt know something.

a HUGE problem i see in this fandom is the Madonna-whore complex, repackaged as the little sister-racist dichotomy (kudos to @yourlittlemenace for that phrasing).

if a female cc is deemed to be "playing nice" (doesnt talk too much, is "nice", streams with male ccs but doesnt flirt with them, isn't "overtly sexual"), she's the little sister of the group. all the male ccs "protect" her, she literally folds their laundry, she doesnt call out how people treat her, and the fandom pretends that this is a normal and cool way to treat women who are public figures. this also goes for mom/big sister/etc. if you think you haven't done this, think about all the aus where you've forced puffy into some kind of maternal or sisterly role when it made no sense. then think about how pissed people got when she decided not to be the server therapist and was "mean" to Tommy (in lore, with permission. that she didnt even need to get. see that clip i rbed earlier from her podcast.)

if the fandom decides she doesnt play nice, if she flirts with male ccs too much or stands up for herself or points out how unfair it is that she's being treated this way, she gets demeaned, harassed, and shunned by the fandom. consider, again, puffy. consider how niki flirted with wilbur and talked about misogyny and got called a racist for *checks notes* "speaking to schlatt and fundy" and "not being a native english speaker". she got called a slut and a queerbaiter for kissing another woman despite being bisexual.

consider how hard people went down on hannah for having said the r slur several years back versus how hard they went on dream for the same thing. and how people dug it up as a direct response to her being on stream with dream. consider how every time hannah talks about how unfair it is that the mcc subreddit treats her like trash, she has to delete all her tweets bc they harass her to hell and back and act like she's an asshole for pointing out their hypocrisy.

the fandom doesnt do this across the board; i shouldnt have to say this, but its not an everyone versus no one issue. some people do this outright and loud, some dont seem to realize theyre doing it, and a few people dont do it at all (incredibly rare, i can count on one hand the number of people who genuinely seem to try to avoid these issues, which is why im complaining).

in terms of lore, have you ever once done analysis on a female character? why do you think you haven't? the bechdel-wallace test is an (imperfect) way of gauging how a piece of media ignores women and prioritizes men. think about the fact that there are FOUR female ccs on the DSMP and they are continually ignored in favor of male characters. consider that puffy and aimsey both talked about trying to do genuine lore and getting shafted, either because no one was online and wouldn't put in the effort to stream with them or because they received insane amounts of criticism for breaking anything on the server, despite the clear lack of "no griefing" rules and the precedent that you can blow other people's shit up (tommy leveling one of puffy's builds, amongst many other examples).

a quick thing about ships: have you ever wondered why m/m ships are so popular? the general consensus amongst people who care about feminism and are into fandom studies is that for a long period of time, m/m was hugely popular because women are so rarely written as full and complete characters in any media. so people took to engaging with m/m ships and writing about them because they were the most fulfilling relationships, and because misogyny led them to be predisposed to be uninterested in female characters.

say an m/m ship is incredibly popular, something like, i dunno, john watson and sherlock holmes from bbc sherlock. lets also say the canonical media presents one or both of the characters with a female love interest. how do you think a fandom that prioritizes m/m ships and is primed to be disinterested in women as characters (either because of our society's role in teaching people that women do not matter or because of fandom's history in assuming female characters are not fleshed out) is going to react? if you said theyre going to send undue amounts of criticism her way and act like its an act of homophobia to give a canonically straight character a female love interest, congrats, you've figured out a huge component in fandom misogyny. take this, amplify it over several decades, and add the psychic damage that supernatural gave society. queerbaiting is bad but mistreating female characters in service of nonexistent queer relationships is also bad.

this is relevant in general but i also believe its relevant for the dsmp because of the complete lack of m/f ships. aside from phil and kristin, who are literally married irl and kristin isn't even on the server, there are no m/f ships that involve female creators. this is not, despite what you may think, due to the inherently yaoi nature of minecraft roleplay. this is because the creators, including the male ones, are afraid of the blowback of m/f flirting and how fucking awful people are to female ccs anytime it happens. once again look at niki. as another example, consider how notfounders harassed the living daylights out of mxmtoon for flirting with gnf on twitter. if i was a cc i would avoid it like the plague too considering how happy people are to dig shit up about them or accuse them of being a slut or an attention whore/"pick me girl" for speaking to a man.

one last thing, this is more about fanart than anything else but stop drawing women to look like teenage boys. the amount of fanart i see where i literally cannot tell if someone has drawn niki or tommy is fucking insane. niki has curves. draw her with them. if you cannot draw women or people outside a very specific body type you cannot draw. fatphobia and misogyny have a clear overlap.

i cant think of anything else and ive already spent forever on this. look into feminist media analysis. think twice about how you react to female ccs & female characters. consider not just what characters have interesting stories but who is allowed to have interesting stories. you might be neglecting someone who has a lot going on because you're dismissing a female character as inherently less likely to be interesting. you might not even know someone has an interesting story because the fandom neglects it so completely.

as a final little note: like i said earlier, if you're not familiar with gender & sexuality studies, you may not know this, but homophobia and transphobia are rooted in misogyny. the idea that gender is immutable and rigid is because of the patriarchy. this is why gendered slurs are used against queer people and why queer men in particular get accused of and demeaned for being feminine. your understanding of queerphobia is incomplete without considering how sexism plays a role.

also go read everything rayne fisher-quann has ever written but especially this piece on getting woman'd and listen to you're wrong about