#and i find emotional intelligence hot af

[alygator77]

ya know, i flip back and forth between thinking gojo is more of a dog person like gege says or a cat person. like i can see both arguments, but what are your thoughts and why? (i put mine in the tags)

[blackdragoness]

PICK-A-CARD READING

IF YOU WERE A DRUG, WHAT DRUG WOULD YOU BE?

WHY DO PEOPLE BECOME “ADDICTED” TO YOUR ENERGY?

Do you give off ALCOHOLIC vibes, CRACKHEAD energy, OR STONER vibes?

**THIS IS PURELY FOR ENTERTAINMENT** I am not calling any of you addicts. Its just a game to have fun so just enjoy it for what it is: ENTERTAINMENT. I am not a professional and the advice given is based off my own personal experience with these addictions. I share what helped me free myself from these vices but I strongly recommend speaking with a professional that can help you better. Without further ado....

LESSSKOOOO

PICK A CARD:

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PILE 1: ACE OF HEARTS

If you chose pile 1, the vice that best describes your personality is:

***STONER***

**** DISCLAIMER: I am not insinuating that you smoke alot of pot, even if that's true haha. I am not your doctor, pastor, therapist, parent, sibling, boss, the police, your parole officer, NONE OF THAT. So I dont care what you do on your own time. I am not condoning those actions either but at the same time, it’s your life and you can do whatever you want with it.****

Regardless of your personal choices, this is what it says about your personality:

Laid-back, chill AF – almost too laid back it can sometimes be mistaken for laziness – but at the same time, a lot of you reading this probably are lazy and already know that. Its not a roast, I’m just affirming what you already know LOL. Big couch potato energy. Very laxed. As contradictory as it sounds, this is actually why people become addicted to your energy. There isn’t a lot of people who have the chill factor that you have and being around you is like a break from the hustle and bustle of life.

The cool kid – the IT Boy/Girl. Everything you do is effortless

Iconic – does your own thing & known for not following the crowd

You guys have a mind of your own!

Unbothered – it is very hard to ruffle your feathers or get a reaction out of you. It is both an admirable and irritable trait depending on who you’re talking to. If not, you may just react to things very slowly and may find yourself hot and bothered after the fact

Very easy going and easy to talk to – you can chop it up with almost all personalities because you are very relatable and relaxed.

CLASS CLOWN VIBES - you may not take things too seriously and can find humor in anything! You say some funny shit man, and you aren’t even trying to be funny.

EFFORTLESS COMEDIAN.

Very witty and intelligent

You can hold a conversation with a variety of people. Whether its small talk or deep intellectual conversations.

People remember you for the conversations that they have with you and the energy that you bring to the conversation. You may not even realize the effect your words or energy have on people but it lingers on their mind and energy long after you have gone away. All a person needs is one “hit” of your energy.

Might be apart of the “woke” culture or many people would describe you as being “woke”

May be labeled an overthinker, borderline paranoid but also a very critical thinker. You may think about things that most people don’t think about. It may shock others how much you know about a variety of topics  

Very grounded and rooted in whatever it is that you do.

Natural beauties and very natural bodies.

“LOVE CHILD”

Hippy vibes

You have a reputation for always being in a good mood and always being happy for no reason. Its very rare that you are in a bad mood. It doesn’t mean that you don’t have those days. You just know how to guard your emotions and only let a small number of trusted people see your vulnerable side.

Y’all are A VIBE. Periodt. Point. Blank.

You can vibe with a crowd AND you can vibe all on your own. You could be both introverted and extroverted depending on your mood. Sometimes you might be in a corner on your own doing your own thing, other times you’re mingling with a variety of different people. Just depends on your mood.

You probably have lots of conversations with your self all the time. People might think you’re a little weird for that but you might find it funny

Very unique and one of a kind

You might have your own distinct smell. Maybe you have a certain perfume/cologne that you use all the time that people know you for. OR maybe you just stink and smell like body odor. It can be either one of those two extremes LOL (Smokers LOVE the smell of weed, nonsmokers tend to strongly DESPISE the smell of weed so it goes both ways. Don’t shoot the messenger HAHA)

May have a love for music or be very musically inclined

Lyricist, journalist, writer/author - may be very good at articulating your thoughts and emotions but you may mumble or speak softly.

Every moment with you is a HIGH moment – by “high”, I mean when people see you, even if the interaction is short, its most often the HIGHlight of peoples day.

Everyones BUDdy

Wall FLOWER vibes

May be looked at as slightly ditzy

ADVICE:

Tap into your creativity more. This pile has the creative abilities, if improved and mastered, can be monetized on greatly.

Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there and to stand out.

If you struggle with overthinking, it means you aren’t taking enough action. Start moving and putting your amazing thoughts into action so you can manifest the life you dream about all the time. Mistakes are inevitable and part of the growing process so don’t be afraid to make mistakes or make a fool out of yourself. That’s how you learn. The longer you sit on your ideas, the easier it is for doubtful thoughts to creep in which in turn will stop you from taking any type of action. It is time to take action and slow down the voices in your head telling you that you aren’t enough.

Believe in yourself more and learn to love yourself for all your flaws. Your biggest critic and your biggest competition should always be yourself so build yourself up more. Quit the negative self talk. Critique yourself towards improvement but not to the point of giving up. You’re more than you give yourself credit for.

Be more comfortable speaking your mind in the moment instead of bottling everything up all the time. You only end up beating yourself up in the end and it slows down your progress.

If you are addicted to the drug, my advice is to take a break from it for a bit so you can start being active again in your own life. You don't have to quit cold turkey. Take it one day at a time but the wheels will start moving for you soon as you make that change. Too much of anything, even if it's good for you, can eventually start to work against you. But it's your life. If you can find that balance while still keeping it in your life, more power to ya! 😊

CHANNELED SONG:

MOVING ABOUT MY WAYS by Josh Wawa White

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PILE 2: ACE OF CLUBS

If you chose pile 2, the vice that best describes your personality is:

***ALCOHOLIC***

**** DISCLAIMER: I am not insinuating that you drink a lot of alcohol, even if that's true haha. I am not your doctor, pastor, therapist, parent, sibling, boss, the police, your parole officer, NONE OF THAT. So I don’t care what you do on your own time. I am not condoning those actions either but at the same time, it’s your life and you can do whatever you want with it.****

Regardless of your personal choices, this is what it says about your personality:

BIG GOOFBALL ENERGYYYY

Very energetic and MAFANA (pronounced “mah-fah-nah” meaning “heated” in the Tongan language). You might always be MAFANA and ready to do anything at any moment. Also you might literally be MAFANA in body temperature. Might have a warmer body temperature or may always be hot even in colder temperatures. May enjoy very hot showers as well.

Extremely physically attractive. Sexy and sultry type of aesthetic

Very seductive mannerisms and voice

Very spontaneous and slightly chaotic

You might speak in slang a lot – doesn’t matter the slang, but you have your own way of speaking

People would probably describe you as being very bold and confident. You aren’t afraid to say what’s on your mind and you don’t care who hears.

True to yourself

Very genuine and authentic in all your interactions

You’re probably sociable and outgoing

Extremely outgoing – very rarely are you ever alone. You always have a crowd of people surrounding you or with you.

You have your own unique sense of style and fashion taste. People know and recognize you for your fashion sense. It’s just very……YOU.

Brutally honest but honest nonetheless – people may avoid you because of how honest you can be. But people know when they really need an honest opinion, you are the first person to come to mind.

People may describe you as having multiple personalities. It can be both a good thing or a bad thing depending on who you are talking to. One things for sure, getting to know you is NEVER a bore.

Never a dull moment when you are around

LIFE OF THE PARTY

You are the person everyone hopes to see at an event or a party because they know it will be a fun time if you are around.

Very confident – ALPHA vibes – BOSS energy

You may be everyone’s “go-to” person when they need to vent or get things off their chest. Interacting with you is like a glass of wine at the end of a really rough day. If it was a really tough day, you’re more like 3 shots of Henney instead of wine, lets be honest.

You have a “numbing” effect on people – interacting with you is like nothing else matters but the present moment. You’re a very rare type of person

You are the person to impress! Every room you walk into and every person you interact with, you are the center of attention & people will do anything to get your attention praise, & validation.

Not only are you the person to impress, you are also a very impressive person. You impress through your looks, your skills, your intellect, etc – ALL AROUND impressive

You are very expressive, blunt, and outspoken. You say whatever is at the top of your mind and react to everything based off of your emotions in the moment.

May at times be very moody

Night owls

Kareoke King/Queen

Shameless

No one ever knows what to expect with you. You keep everyone on their toes

Maybe a bit clumsy and silly but thats why people love your energy. Its giving "overgrown child" vibes and its refreshing.

You help heal alot of peoples inner child just by being yourself. You bring that young vibe to any occasion.

ADVICE:

Take more time for yourself and away from the noise and the audience. I sense that you don’t enjoy being alone because that is when the dark thoughts creep in. Maybe you dislike feeling lonely. Get more comfortable with being on your own and in your own energy. Sort out those dark thoughts. Try to figure out where the darkness originated from and learn to heal it. It will improve your social interactions greatly.

Learn to enjoy silence. A lot of positive ideas, peace, and self discovery can be found in the silence.

Your greatest strength is your outspokenness. However, by remaining silent, you can avoid a lot of regret for yourself. You can also learn a lot about others simply by listening and remaining silent. Stay outspoken, but add silence into your personality every now and then to bring more balance to your character

SLOW DOWN - in all areas! Speak slower, walk slower, think slower, react slower, develop relationships slower, etc. You may start many things very quickly and burn out just as fast. Learn to pace yourself and develop your mental/physical stamina

If you are addicted to the alcohol, my advice would be to find a healthier hobby to substitute that vice. Exercise helps with regulating your emotions as well as a healthy eating plan. Get more sleep and start journaling. Having an outlet to really pour out your emotions will keep you from pouring another cup. Take it one day at a time, but the wheels will start rolling for you once you make that change. But it's your life, do as you please! If you can find that balance in your life, more power to ya!

CHANNELED SONGS: ALCOHOLIC by COMMON KINGS

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PILE 3: ACE OF DIAMONDS

If you chose pile 1, the vice that best describes your personality is:

***CRACKHEAD***

**** DISCLAIMER: I am not insinuating that you’re a meth/coke head, even if that's true haha. I am not your doctor, pastor, therapist, parent, sibling, boss, the police, your parole officer, NONE OF THAT. So I dont care what you do on your own time. I am not condoning those actions either but its your life and you can do whatever you want with it.****

Regardless of your personal choices, this is what it says about your personality:

The most energetic of all the piles

CEO/Supervisor energy

Very focused and determined to accomplish anything you set your mind to. You are willing to start things over as many times as you need until you get it right.

You may have an addictive personality but also others may find your personality very addicting as well. Once someone has tasted your energy, its very hard to shake you.

People may become very obsessed with you. You circle peoples minds multiple times a day. They just cant figure you out. You may also be very obsessive and possessive yourself.

FOCUSED. FOCUSED. FOCUSED, Extremely focused individuals. Your focus is probably your most admirable trait.

As focused as you are, you are also probably a very great multitasker

Entrepreneurs or entrepreneurs in the making. You may be very business minded

You are usually always 10 steps ahead of the game. You see all sides and make very calculated moves based off of your observations.

Very observant individuals. You probably notice and remember the tiniest details about people and you know how to make people feel really special in every interaction with you. People don’t expect you to remember certain things they’ve mentioned or worn, but when you bring it up to them long after the fact, you really make people feel SEEN & HEARD. This makes you more trustworthy in their eyes.

May be accused of being narcissistic but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. You may have been a victim to narcissistic abuse in the past so you’ve learned the ins and outs of all the mind games being played. So when someone uses a mind game on you, you flip it back on them and then they have the audacity to call YOU the narcissist. It has become your tool for self defense but also agitates those on the receiving end of your narcissism. To put it into perspective, most super heros and world leaders are narcissistic because they need to be. If not, they would get chewed up and spit out by the world and wouldn’t last a day in their position. If they wanna call you a narcissist because you refuse to adopt their mindset or their perspective, then so be it! Accept the title and keep it pushing. Remain true to yourself.

Very self-reliant and reliable. You conquer every task and assignment thrown at you and you do an amazing job at it in a very time efficient manner. People may try to discredit you or say you couldn’t have done it all by yourself but the proof is in the pudding darling. In reality, these folks are just projecting their own insecurities on to you because we all know, if they were in your position, there is no way they could have done that on their own. No one can deny your workmanship because you prove it time and time again.

Lone wolf vibes. You may not have many friends or you may not be open to inviting new people into your circle. “NO NEW FRIENDS” vibes

You probably have a sturdy set of friends and you’ve known them for a long time.

Very secretive and private. You may enjoy your privacy and may tend to keep a lot of your life hidden from the public eye.

Very protective of your energy and your space.

May have a lot of people who constantly have an opinion on your life. You do a great job at blocking them and their noise out of the way and continuing to push along.

STRONG STAMINA – yall can last for a lonnnngggg time (however you interpret that LOL)

Great debater – if someone wants to come at you sideways, they better come prepared with their arguments because going against you isn’t easy. You know yourself, you know your facts and you know what happened. Barely nothing gets past you.

Out of all the piles, this pile has the most haters. I don’t know why and neither do you. You must be someone of significance to have this many haters. You represent PRESSURE and people feel that energy as soon as you walk into the room. This is a compliment for you but a threat to your haters. No one wants to feel pressured to improve. You don’t try to apply pressure. You just ARE pressure.

You cant be tamed. Very hard to lock down and hard to pin down.

Unbeatable

Invincible

Immunity

Misjudged and misunderstood but never stops remaining true to yourself. Let the haters do their thing but keep doing you booboo.

Diamond in the rough

Might wear a lot of jewelry or you should wear more jewelry but this is something people notice about you. Maybe you have tons of jewelry or you have a piece of jewelry that people remember you for. If not, I suggest wearing more jewelry because it looks great on you.

ADVICE

Learn to handle the pressure that comes your way. You attract what you put out there and unfortunately, this is one of those things that is out of your control. People feel pressured when you are around therefore, you may feel as though pressure is constantly being applied to you. Don’t sweat it. These experiences are to show you how strong your character truly is but you must remain true to who you are if you want it to work in your favor.

Its okay to be more open and available to others. You can still maintain your strong boundaries but you don’t have to shut the entire world out. Remain open!

Keeping an open mind may also be helpful for you. Not everything will play out the way you envisioned it in your brain so keep an open mind so you can solve your problems as they arise.

Take some time to relax. You give off very strong workaholic vibes and sometimes you can overwork yourself to exhaustion. Give your body the rest it needs through sleep. Remember to eat throughout the day and fill your body up with the nutrients it needs to keep you going and alert for your various tasks. Go outside and enjoy the outdoors. Take time to care for yourself.

 Learn to lighten up a little. Your laser focus can sometimes make you too serious to be around. Laugh a little. Smile more. Let loose. Enjoy the life in front of you. Balance out your work and play and you’ll find your life is more enjoyable that way.

If you are addicted to the drug, my advice would be to invest in yourself more. You won't have the money to spend on drugs if you throw your money into something that will benefit you more in the long run. Take a class to build on a skill you already have, sign up for a committee, give yourself responsibility and bring purpose back into your life. But start small. Learn to depend on yourself and hold yourself up before trying to overextend yourself for others. Too much responsibility is probably what got you to this point or maybe it was the lack thereof. Whatever the case be, you need to love on yourself more & know that you are more than enough. The wheels will start moving for you once you make that change and the clarity that follows will bring you immense joy.

CHANNELED SONG: WINNAH WINNAH by RIA ft SPAWNBREEZIE

[mr888sworld]

THE SUN ☀️ THROUGH ARIES- LIBRA! What is your conscious identity? Part 1

☀️ The sun in astrology represents our conscious self/mind/ego Identity! & personality or persona ! It could also symbolize our authority figures/fathers! ☀️ this is also my own observations 😂

The gifs i post do not belong to me. My bad for ghosting 😂 been busy trying to get my life under control! All them Scorpio risings know how it be 😫. Take care & enjoy more post to come 🙌🏾

Aries sun ♈️🤬

Ruled by mars/ sun in exaltation so you get a heavily determined/ outgoing force of energy

The sun is in exaltation when it is placed in the fiery sign of Aries ♈️- highly placed

Extremely confident/ outgoing/ fierce

Their conscious identity tends to be tied to physical activity/ exercise/ Martian energy

Extremely restless! Very strong minded ! Opinionated/Honest

Usually drawn to confidence/ people are drawn to your confidence

Could experience head injuries/trauma due to Aries ruling the head

Confrontational/ could attract argumentative people

Intelligent & creative

Has a strong father figure

Well built physical body

On a conscious level you want to be a leader/protector/ recognition for being number 1

Attracts jealousy

Taurus sun ♉️🌱

Ruled by Venus so naturally you are Attracted to fine dining/clothing/art

Drawn to green/pastel colors

Prone to being lazy at times but when motivated could be an extremely hard worker

Prone to jealousy!!! Could be a lil possessive as well

Either an extremely good cook or can’t cook at all

Foodie !!

Strong body/opinions/powerful throats

Very patient and reserved unless provoked

On a conscious level you want to indulge in luxurious living all while trying to live a peaceful existence

Very stubborn !

Unmoving at times/ unwilling to accept change

Knows how to dress

Usually drawn to aesthetics / anything that you find “beautiful “

Loves to be wined & dined

Drawn to the planet Venus ! I noticed that yesterday so many Taurus or libras talk about Venus before they even know that rules them

Gemini sun ♊️👯‍♀️

Ruled by mercury, Gives you a quick wit/quick communicative approach to life

Very analytical &. Calculating

Needs stimulation in this life

Drawn to multifaceted people/places/situations

Very clever individuals/cocky when it comes to their intellect

I noticed most of yall could be so confident all the time it’s dope

Mistrustful at times but I feel like it’s because geminis and virgos don’t always want to be assigned a role or be placed in a specific category (mercurial energy)

Uncontrollable at times

Could get bored extremely easily

Attracted to mental stimulation

Definitely the friends before lover type of person or could be a complete playboy/girl fr 😂

Prone to lying or fabrication of stories/ life events/situations

Extremely popular/well liked / best dressed in school

Multi-faceted/ multi talented

Consciously you want to explore & research & dabble in everything

Cancer sun ♋️🌑

Ruled by the moon/extremely intuitive & emotionally connected to themselves & others

Caring individuals. Sometimes to their detriment

Extremely perceptive

Strongest memory within the zodiac group

Strongest emotions within the zodiac group maybe besides Scorpio

Extremely possessive & manipulative at times

Down right psychic

Easily tired at times or easily exhausted

A lil whiny times

Could come across as overbearing!

Hard worker ( cardinal energy )

Dedicated lover

Big heart

Extremely good cook

Manipulative af at times/emotionally controlling

Big dreamers

Leo sun ♌️☀️

Ruled by the sun- Sun in domicile - which makes them extremely comfortable in their identity /extremely confident or extremely shy. The sun makes them warm & generous.

Loyal to those loyal to you

Strong willed & outgoing

Consciously you want praise for the accomplishments you work hard for

Will most likely prove you wrong

Hot temper

Need for validation at times either from others or themselves

Prone to becoming famous

Could suffer from others attempting to steal your light

Outgoing & friendly

Prone to being vain

Extremely generous or extremely selfish

Extremely good-looking

Knows what looks good on them & others

Very creative

Extremely proud

Self-righteous

Could be a know it all at times

Prone to being narcissistic

Funny

Optimistic

Prone to having a lot of friends

Could become a victim of others being jealous Of you

Overly confident at times

Stylish

Overzealous

Intelligent

Pioneer

Virgo sun ♍️ 🌍

Ruled by mercury/ Smart & calculating & cunning at times/ Virgo is the brain of the zodiac

Very perceptive

Extremely cautious of their surroundings at times

Witty & communicative

Informative & structured

Blunt & helpful

Either a rule follower or a rule breaker

Intelligent

Exudes Elegance

Extremely overbearing at times

Healthy & fit

Peeps bs 😂

Overly judgmental

Overly confident sometimes

Cocky when it comes to the mental world

Always paying attention

Delusional when it comes to their intellect

Prone to debates

Connected to the earth

Either outgoing or awkward no in between

Book worm

High achievers

Book smart & street smart

Know it all

Self- righteous at times

Curious individuals with a sharp brain

Usually works in the health field

Prone to suffering from headaches

Sharp tongue

Inquisitive

Libra sun ♎️⚖️

Ruled by Venus/ sensual & flirty at times/stylish & loving

Flirtatious & inquisitive

Stylish & confident

Prone to playing the fence at times

Prone to manipulation & manipulating other s to get what they want

Prone to being shallow

Addicted to relationships of any kind

A romantic deep down

Prone to gossip

In love with the idea of love

Drawn to beauty of any kind

Prone to becoming bored in relationships

Could possibly be a cheater at times

Usually Marries early

Attracted to rich men or woman

Wants to be pampered

Prone to having a sugar momma or daddy

Perceived as innocent from the masses

Prone to becoming a makeup guru

Idealistic at times

Could suffer from delusion at times

Selfish at times

Craves love

Can tend to over give to the wrong individuals

Craves this inner need for balance

Hates the mundane

Attracted to what is fair/the law

Prone to oversharing

This sun sign could produce attractive people or have attractive partners due to Venus

That wraps up part one, I know your boy been gone for a minute 😂 I had to get my life in order. Hope all is well with everyone thanks for 361 followers it’s been a journey of self improvement, thanks for everything my tumblr family. I’m also doing 5$ readings feel free to shoot me a dm.

Lastly if you resonate with your sun sign feel free to give me a like a follow, take care 🙏🏾

[th3-0bjectivist]

Dear listener, if you’ve never heard of Aphex Twin before, cling fast to your genitals. Because, like a 2500-volt shock straight to the testes, you’re going to find this musical entry quite shocking! Before you smash play on the music video above, I will immediately attempt to dissuade you from viewing if 1. You are the faint-of-heart type 2. You have a medical condition that is triggered by strobe lights. I don’t want you to have a series of elaborate seizures. Go figure; you’re my fuckin’ audience. I don’t want to kill my audience on Tumblr just so it’s clear. At least, not this week. For the rest that remain; if you've never seen an AT video before, the time for your distressing and traumatic cult initiation is NOW. Smash play on the track above; it's Come to Daddy from the 1997 album of the same name.

OMFG… this guy is hot AF. I was personally introduced to AT about two decades ago through one of my stoner friends who went to basement raves to dance with glow sticks. At the time, I really didn’t understand what the hell I was listening to. A lot of it just sounded like disorganized and cobbled-together noises. However, my musical tastes have evolved, and in hindsight, I can fully acknowledge that the music of soloist and Ireland-born Richard David James was simply beyond my comprehensive grasp as a young adult. He is and was a true pioneer in the music industry, having the aptitude and talent to bring a brand-new type of music to bloom in the 90’s, that being IDM (intelligent dance music). IDM, by my understanding, is derivative of breakbeat, techno, and acid house… but pushed to the very edge of experimental extremes. It is dance music (you CAN’T dance to a lot of it unless you want to have spasmodic fits, it’s honestly more proper for exercise/home environment listening) that is custom-tailored for a very discerning and clever audience, and I find that a lot of IDM sounds itself like a living, breathing entity. What AT brought to the table was a uniquely charismatic, versatile, and in some cases downright emotionally impacting experience that I cannot in good conscience declare as useless. It is the polar opposite of generic modern melodies, as AT pushed and continues to push the envelope of modern music to its most illogical boundaries. Probably my favorite feature of AT’s overall sound is the asynchronous beats, which, while not in any way traditionally mathematical or ‘correct’ in timing, is a genuine example of that tonic path that Aphex Twin and IDM as a genre have to offer. AT does whatever others are afraid to try, and the overall discography runs the gamut from shy electronic ambient to full-on head-banging badassery. Enjoy, and there will be far more music to come this year!

If you care to pursue the actual emotional range of AT’s music, click just above for one of the most (if not THE most) emotive ambient tunes I’ve absorbed in my lifetime, Rhubarb from Selected Ambient Works Volume II (1994). And if you’re really, really in the mood to traumatize yourself, click here for one of the most disturbing music videos I’ve seen in my lifetime. I wanna make it clear, IF YOU CLICK ON THE IMMEDIATELY PREVIOUS LINK, I am in no way responsible for the mental damage it does to you as a result. YOU... are by your own free will and accord, willingly clicking on the link. I am merely providing you a path, in fact multiple paths, to explore Aphex Twin’s sound further. Image source: https://testpress.news/na-klassiku-aphex-twin-windowlicker-v-anglii-snyali-sotsialnuyu-reklamu-bezopasnoj-ezdy/

[joyboythehopepunk]

being told i'm very intelligent and self aware since i've been young. being told i'm very mature for my age. people in my age group and adults in my life noticing i was introverted, self-isolating, and/or had no friends. people noticing it was hard for me to get close to people. people noticing i had very intense emotions and mood swings.

people noticing i wasn't normal. that i was weird.

enter pretty privilege. enter high masking. enter sun-coded (but depressed) individual.

my outward characteristics and peoples' biases (neither of which i can control) along with my constitution (being autistic, trans, brown, attractive) seems to REALLY vex people.

up to the point they only zero in on three aspects of me:

i'm hot. i'm trans. i'm weird af.

also note: not having any proper support or love because of my characteristics and peoples' biases/expectations.

makes for life on nightmare mode. i am single and lonely and probably gonna die alone because of shit i can't help. because i can't find ONE person i can love and be loved by.

and i know i'm not the only one. i know i'm not. but this is shitty. shitty af.

the worse part is being misunderstood and mistreated. and no matter how many times or how many ways you try to explain yourself people still get it wrong and have the worst takes ever.

Neurodivergent people are never undiagnosed. We are misdiagnosed. Our symptoms don't go unnoticed, and people will always attribute them to some sort of cause. They'll just attribute them to personality and blame the individual for their symptoms.

For example. My autism is not undiagnosed, it's been misdiagnosed as "too sensitive," "awkward," "rude," "obsessive," and "too intense." My brother's adhd wasn't undiagnosed, it was misdiagnosed as "lazy," "impulsive," "annoying," and "can't seem to get any work done."

Growing up without a diagnosis is growing up believing that you are to blame for your differentness. Your symptoms are a personality flaw. You are diagnosed by everyone around you as "weird."

[ghostmartyr]

Every time I try to start this post I get lost in all of the many angles there are to look at the scene where Harrow and Gideon have their huge fight. With how much fun I have with the characters, I think sometimes I overlook that the writing for this series is really quite good. Examining a single thread yanks a bunch more around with it, and before you know it, the best way to tell the story is just shoving the book in front of someone.

Gideon and Harrow’s fallout pre-corpse discovery and pool scene zooms from poor love triangle coping skills to dead teenagers to self-loathing to the omnipresent question of what they are to each other to the refusal to acknowledge that it’s a question at all.

It also generally hurts.

This train wreck kicks off with Harrow attempting to protect Gideon by keeping her away from someone who is piloting a dead body around -- aka being sus af. It could almost be called civil.

“That reminds me! I now officially ban you from seeing Lady Septimus.” “Are we having this conversation? Are we really having this conversation?”

Okay, so it could be called the climactic third-act drama of a YA novel.

Where Gideon out and out calls Harrow a jealous creep because she doesn’t like how ‘Dulcinea’ takes up Gideon’s attention.

(If you turn the page at this point, you will find Gideon saying they both hate each other and always will.

Sure Jan.)

They legitimately are so very fucking weird, and insist on this despite being otherwise intelligent human beings. Emotional health and sense was not covered in the Ninth, and by golly it shows.

There is no disconnect between the concepts of Harrow jealously guarding how Gideon spends her time and Harrow despising Gideon. Both occupy the same space of the dynamic. They are the same coin, spinning around like a top until something happens to make it slam down on a side.

Then they pick it up and start over again.

The framework of this whole conversation is Gideon’s simple complaint that Harrow is willing to let a dying woman be murdered. Coupled with Harrow’s simple complaint that Gideon finds this problematic.

It’s also about Gideon having found what it means to be a cavalier, and rejecting being Harrow’s as strongly as she possibly can.

Because of the aforementioned problematic behavior, in part.

“You agreed to act as my cavalier primary. You agreed to devote yourself to the duties of a cavalier. Your misunderstanding of what that entailed does not make you any less beholden to what your duty actually is—” “I promised to fight for you. You promised me my freedom. There’s a hell of a good chance that I’m not going to get it, and I know it. We’re all dying here! Something’s after us! The only thing I can do is try to keep as many of us as I can alive for as long as I can, and hope that we work something out! You’re the ignorant sack of eyeballs who doesn’t understand what a cavalier is, Harrow, you just take whatever I give you—”

Gideon’s watched Palamedes and Camilla. She’s watched Jeannemary and Isaac. She’s seen partnership and loyalty and affection. A cavalier fights for their necromancer, and the necromancer is -- what? We don’t have that part yet, but we have Gideon knowing in every fiber of her being what a cavalier-necromancer pair should be. Knowing that they aren’t it.

“We don’t deserve to still be around—have you realised that yet? Have you realised that this whole thing has been about the union of necromancer and cavalier from start to finish? We should be toast. If they’re measuring this on the strength of that—we’re the walking dead. Magnus the Fifth was a better cavalier than I am. Jeannemary the Fourth was ten times the cavalier I am. They should be alive and we should be bacteria food.”

Harrow keeps her secrets and only works with Gideon with the greatest resentment.

Before Canaan House, Gideon’s ambition is to be part of the Cohort. She wants to be a soldier, do battle, get hot chicks, be magnificent; all that hot girl stuff.

But when she finds herself as Harrow’s cavalier primary, she finds a place for her natural chivalry and martial talent. She finds something that works for her as a person. She starts looking at being a cavalier as what she should become, and starts to view her life through the lens of succeeding or failing at that.

If Harrow refuses to be her necromancer, Gideon can’t be a cavalier.

“If you don’t need me, release me to the Seventh House,” she said, very slow and very calm, like she was reading at a service. “I’d rather serve—Dulcinea dying—than the living Reverend Daughter.”

Yeah there’s the part where one of them is actively a dick, but going back to Gideon’s life as a whole, she is universally sick of being denied the chance to be useful. No one ever wants to let her go out and do what she’s best at. They want her to stay put and wilt away, then complain when she takes issue with that.

‘Dulcinea’ doesn’t have a cavalier, and has always been kind to Gideon, and is in need of protection. Of course that’s Gideon’s preference. She wants to be a fucking cavalier, and Harrow continually rejects her, even when coerced into accepting Gideon’s points of usefulness.

Rejects her, but never frees her.

“When I release you from my service, Nav,” her necromancer said, “you will know about it.”

Gideon’s whole life is tied to someone who won’t let her go, but doesn’t want her. It’s enough to drive anyone a bit nuts. It’s been this way their entire lives, even back on the Ninth.

But they’re not there anymore.

Gideon and Harrow at Canaan House are a constant study of “what’s changed?” answered with “absolutely nothing but also everything all at once.”

There are several moments in the middle of all of this where Harrow actually keeps her focus: she wants Gideon away from the Seventh. She stumbles through all sorts of other bad conversational points on her way, but while Gideon descends fairly quickly into justified hysterics, Harrow is still trying to talk about why corpse puppeteers are not good friends.

Until she stops.

“Stop worshipping the sound of your own voice, Nav, and listen to me—” “Harrow, I hate you,” said Gideon. “I have never stopped hating you. I will always hate you, and you will always hate me. Don’t forget that. It’s not like I ever can.” Harrow’s mouth twisted so much that it should have been a reef knot. Her eyes closed briefly, and she sheathed her hands inside her gloves.

Harrow does a crap job of reaching Gideon throughout the whole mess, but that’s because no one ever taught communication to the master of an entire planet who regularly conducts sermons. She just sucks at it.

But she stops trying when Gideon makes the declaration of hatred. That’s when she chooses to walk away instead.

Gideon is shouting from the terraces that there is nothing but hate here and there is a lot of it just a whole abyss of hate while blotting out every shred of evidence of how easy it is for them to just. not.

We’ve had shots of them getting along, and we know it doesn’t have to be like this. They can work together. They can matter to each other in a way that doesn’t end in mutual strangulation. There is evidence that something positive can grow from the ashes of all their burned bridges. They can work as a team. They come together for the trials, and Harrow follows Gideon’s lead on the dueling debacle without being asked. Gideon swoops her up in a hug. Gideon references the hug during their fight.

Leading to the excruciating gut punch of Gideon denying all of it.

The hate is still there, it’s never changed, it never will change, this is how it is. They’re stuck. Leaving the Ninth didn’t help, it just got more people dead in between their bouts of being at each other’s throats.

...Yay.

[mobiusbmobius]

The time loop Mobius put Loki in with Sif really helped him learn how to calm and angry person down. I was pretty impressed they showed his growth in that way. 

It’s something Loki seemed to have lacked his whole life... as eloquent and well spoken and intelligent as he is, he pisses people off. He’s never been in tune with them. If you’re a scientist or a writer, that’s a good thing -- if you’re trying to get along with your brother’s friends, not so much. 

And now he’s learned to read emotions and deal with other peoples emotions, rather than jumping to “You can help me.” 

Of course he still got the shit kicked out of him, but still. I find it intriguing that the writers have done this. 

Then, heart broken, he runs back to Mobius. Only to find this isn’t his Mobius. 

What a fucking nightmare. 

Also it’s hot af. 

[mangodestroyer]

Gabriel probably doesn't realize this, but being kind goes a long way. And so does being intelligent. Crowley finds both of these qualities very attractive. He knows Aziraphale will treat him right, and that's what he wants at the end of the day. Crowley has had his fair share of hot men who ended up being assholes. He'll take this more homely guy over them any day.

Yeah, Aziraphale is well aware that going cold turkey just won't work. And he can tell that Crowley, especially with his job and all his mental health problems, just wants quick and convenient. He doesn't have the energy for anything more. Simply putting out more fruit now and then is probably enough to tempt him to eat healthier. Making fun meals that are healthy also helps. Azi probably doesn't mind cooking for him anyways, as long as he helps with the clean up. Which Crowley will cause he's a minimalist neat freak.

And as for the mental health problems, I'm sure Azi does wonders for him there too. Even something as simple as a shoulder rub now and then is enough to help Crowley feel better. At the end of the day, he's only asking for so little. Having a healthy relationship with someone probably took away half his mental health problems in the long run.

Oh, yeah. I remember when I was still in high school, I would tell myself just to not do something useless, like English. But after two years of college, I started hearing so many horror stories about fucking STEM majors struggling to find employment, and when they do, it pays so little (or sometimes nothing at all). And if you're AFAB or a POC, it's even worse. People raised female, or who present female, often end up getting chased out of those fields due to harassment and discrimination. Being barred from the good wages and everything. Don't get me wrong, I'll still finish my degree and give it a shot, but my optimism for... anything really has been utterly destroyed at this point. And tbh, I'm not even sure if I would have gone to college in the first place had I not been one of the lucky few to get most of it for free. I had a scholarship in my first two years that covered so much of my schooling, that I was basically getting paid to have an education. I don't see how I would have been able to do this without financial aid and scholarships. I would have been in so much debt. And for... nothing if it turns out I'll be just like those other AFAB individuals who go nowhere in STEM. At this point, I have to wonder why I didn't just use the free college for something very useless but very fun. At least I might have made some friends had I done something like creative writing or English. And hell, I could have probably gotten myself into a very good school for that too.

I think people seriously underestimate the misery of living in poverty and working a shitty job. Two years at my current job has left me a fucking husk of a human being. It's made me realize that so many people on this planet are honestly shit. And while I hated being around rich snobs at the prestigious engineering school, at least some people there were genuinely nice and actually earned a place there (oh, what I'd do if I could turn back time, I should have spent more time around those people rather than the bad company I attracted). I stg, poverty brings out the worst in people. So many of my co-workers come from troubled backgrounds, just like me, and no offense to other people from troubled backgrounds, but I'm sick, so fucking sick, of being around that misery. Like, for one, bad childhoods seem to make half the people who experience them abusive assholes themselves. And if they don't end up being abusers, they end up being difficult to deal with in some other way. Again, I know that makes me a hypocrite, but there's only so much a person can take, and I'm tired of being an emotional punching bag. I'm also tired of being around others who have tried to do better, but ended up going nowhere. That shit is depressing af. Or even worse, they did actually make some seriously stupid life decisions and now they want you to feel bad for them. Meanwhile, they'll judge every little thing you do wrong and ask way too many questions about your personal life. Again, so many people are shit in so many different ways, omfg.

That's probably what Crowley's dealing with. Lots of miserable people wasting their lives away in poverty. That's probably why some of his co-workers take out their anger on him. Including Hastur. He also has to deal with shit from his roommates. Crowley probably doesn't even recognize the person he's become at this point. Maybe he finds it hard to believe that he's had hobbies and aspirations in life. Speaking from experience, before I started working crappy jobs, I used to be able to do so much more. Go on hikes, hang out with people, make appointments without feeling exhausted in doing so, plan out entire field guides for stories, analyze things on a deep level, THINK clearly at all, etc. Now... I can't handle anything more than mindless pleasures. I'm proud of myself even if I get a one-shot posted. I used to beat myself up over not getting a longfic finished when I already had three quarters of it written. God damn, I used to have 200 page novels laying around that I'd written myself! I used to READ novels! I used to read fanfic like it was my job!

Also, maybe it's tmi, but I feel like retail has also turned me... aroace? I'm not going to claim the label or anything. I know I'm not. But like... in a way it seems I've become that way because of the situation. I just remember after about two weeks at my current job, suddenly losing a lot of desire for that kind of thing, and now I'm to the point where I have no desire, and like I said, I lost lots of my desire to indulge in many things I used to enjoy as well. It probably doesn't help that my ex never wanted to kiss me and all that. That took my confidence away for sure. After a life time of not being desired, I get into a relationship with someone who claimed to be really attracted to me, only to not be desired. Tbh, I don't think it's a bad thing that I lost interest. Even if I don't like the reasons behind why it happened, I like being able to fantasize about other things that honestly seem more important anyway. Like having a better job for one. And no longer feeling gross for having those feelings too. Because I was honestly starting to. Idk, maybe it's just another sign that my spirit died, but I feel like it's way more respectable to fantasize about reading books and all that. Because I'd love a life where I didn't have much to worry about and could just do stuff like read and all that. I just want friends too. I don't even care for a relationship at this point. Relationships don't seem like they're worth it irl. Too much work and you probably won't be treated right/have your needs or desires met anyway. Friends are a lot easier. At least, in my experience. Maybe I just got lucky as a teen.

It'd probably be cheaper for both of them if Crowley moved in. If Azi was living at his place by himself, then he probably does something that makes a decent amount of money compared to Crowley's job. So maybe he is a fitness trainer, or he runs a highly successful book selling business. Maybe he's published a few books of his own and they've actually sold lots of copies. Also, if Crowley found himself a better job, a far less exhausting one, he'd probably go above and beyond keeping the place clean. Azi probably isn't good about that himself. He likely needs Crowley's touch around the place.

For some reason, I can actually imagine human Azi being conscientious about his health.

Now, don't get me wrong, he wouldn't be a total health nut. For one, he seems the type who was naturally built to be a little more stout. He wouldn't beat himself up too much over being overweight (but he feels bad when people pick on him for it, and unfortunately, body insecurities are just too common with how ruthlessly society picks on appearance). He just tries to keep off whatever isn't normal for him. He'll still indulge in desserts and all that too.

He just also makes sure that he has healthy, fresh meals. And they're fucking delicious. He can easily inspire human Crowley to actually eat well/work on his eating habits (Crowley is definitely the skinny person who spends long periods of time not eating, or eating very little, and then scarfs down a bunch of junk food). Aziraphale probably tries to encourage Crowley to live a healthier lifestyle in general because lets face it, human Crowley would just not be very kind to his mortal body.

Gabriel, on the other hand, he's the obnoxious gym rat. The fatphobic POS who picks of Azi's weight, even when he's exercising. He tells Azi to do more even though he's already going on walks, doing his stretches, and lifting weights. In other words, he's more of a nuisance rather than a help. He'd probably pick on human Crowley too for being too slender.

[pepperful-qt]

Hi there! Can I request hcs of kuroo, kita and semi with a big brain s/o? It doesn't just apply to s/o academically, but more so about life in general (like having ~streetsmarts~) thank you!

you said street smarts my mind went to jj bittenbinder. ngl i kinda used the wisdom proficiencies from d&d as reference for this hahaha nerd i hope it’s what you want! also i just want to thank you for requesting my not-so-secret fav semi semi

Kuroo, Kita, & Semi with a big brain s/o

* * * * *

Kuroo Tetsuro

oh this man appreciates it. he’s so entertained

you know that drinking game that Tyrion does with Shae where he guesses something about your past and if he’s right you have to drink, if not he does? that’s what you do minus the drinking part obv,, unless

as a person with high charisma himself, you make it a game to see who can bluff out and/or fool the other (you almost always win)

any time there’s a game night and you’re playing a social deception game you always win. no one can get a lie past you

if it’s a teamwork one, you and Kuroo crush everyone else

you find ways to skimp on your hw but still come out fine. he has no idea how, and it both annoys and impresses him

“i thought you stayed up watching buzzfeed unsolved instead of studying last night??”

“yeah so what?”

“but you got a 96%”

he knows that intelligence isn’t just defined by what you’re able to memorize out of a book, and you’re a perfect example of that. he respects you a lot

you’re the type of person that reads random articles and therefore has the most random bits of trivia that you throw in conversation

he can have an intellectual conversation with you, since you always come up with unique perspectives. he loves asking your opinion on things, bc who tf knows what’ll come out of your mouth

you don’t know what a derivative is to save your life but you know the location of every 7/11 in a ten mile radius, and if they carry a specific type of onigiri or cup noodle flavor

but fr you give the best advice and are always there to lend an ear

you watch murder mystery movies together and try to figure out the culprit, sometimes actually arguing over it

other times you’ll watch a drama and make bets on who’s gonna do what or end up with who

rip Kenma in the corner just trying to live his life

it’s hilarious seeing you interact with someone who is not “big brain” or street smart

let’s just use Lev as an example for no particular reason, just bc

you quickly learned that Lev would believe almost anything you said, he was that fascinated by your apparent wisdom

so you and Kuroo will sometimes join forces and see what you can get him to believe. you once convinced him that if you kill an insect you’d become that insect in your next life and die the same way, and for a solid month he would start crying if he ever stepped on an ant

chaos couple™

you have this whole atmosphere about you that is just “do not fuck with me” bamf if i do say so myself

which tbh is one of the things he finds most attractive about you. you knew exactly what he was up to the first time he started flirting with you, but you weren’t intimidated one bit. you became a challenge~

10/10 best looking couple of the three

* * * 

Kita Shinsuke

the two voices of reason, bless you both. you’re very similar, but also very different

he’s the definition of high intelligence & high wisdom with low charisma cleric kita omg, while you have both high wisdom and high charisma with an intelligence stat you barely use (high or low lol)

he’s the kind of guy who always thinks things through with logic, and he’s always sure of his decisions

you on the other hand, have an intuition based logic

freaks him out when you rely on your gut instinct but somehow it always pays off

“why?” 

“just because” 

“but why??”

you’re adaptable in almost every situation, always know what to say, and have an uncanny ability to read people

which actually comes in handy in your relationship

he’s not the best at expressing himself but you always seem to know his emotional state and thought process, something no one else except his granny has really cracked yet and you do it so easily. sometimes he wonders if you’re a mind reader

you knew he liked you before he did & you asked him out first ~

“Shin-kun, you look happy today!” 

“Ah, I was able to clean all the volleyballs after practice and still had time to fold and organize the scrimmige vests by color.”

meanwhile Atsumu: “hE litERALLY?? looks the sAME??!”

speaking of the twins, you’re great at handling them

Atsumu tried to scare you away the first time you showed up at practice before you and Kita announced your relationship, but you were calm and polite

which tbh put him off more than if you’d clammed up or gotten angry. he almost felt bad for being rude. almost.

imagine how bad he felt when Kita found out

the both of you are both feared and respected by the team 

you’ll help Kita out with his self-assigned chores sometimes, figuring out new ways to be efficient and not lose quality

he also loves how he can trust you to take care of yourself, whether it’s walking home alone or losing you in a crowd or just looking after your health. he still worries and dotes on you but it’s out of love, not because he’s concerned you’ll hurt yourself unintentionally 

he loves a person with common sense @ inarizaki

you’re both really good at getting gifts for each other, since you’re both very perceptive

one time you guessed his favorite flavor of ice cream and it made the butterflies a’flutter

there’s this silent competition between you two of who can give the better gifts

wishes you would study more though ngl. he knows you’re smart you just don’t always dedicate that intelligence to your schoolwork

he finds it charming how you’re always looking at things from different angles rather than the straightforward path. he thinks it’s a very good quality

that “yeah but what if...” kind of mentality

we already know he appreciates that attitude if he doesn’t really take it on himself

you’re both able to appreciate the nuances of life and enjoy the moment together

your relationship is one of the most balanced and strong out there tbh,,

* * *

Semi Eita

you’ve got this charm that makes people respect you. a certain type of confidence, if you will, that made him first notice you

lots of students were intimidated by the members of the volleyball team, for their height and reputation etc, but you never showed any reservation, not even with Ushijima

as well as your conviction, you have take no shit attitude that comes in great handy with certain members of the team it’s also hot af

you can banter with Tendou and you provoke Goshiki all day long but never Shirabu bc you know what’s up

you do however irritate him with mind games, bc you know he’s a little shit who stole your bf’s spot and needs to be taken down a peg sometimes

you: *describing the quantum wave trolley problem”

Shirabu: *screams*

all the while Semi is trying and failing to hide the smug little smirk on his face

with Semi though, you’re able to just talk

he enjoys conversation with you bc he’s never bored. you make him think and you make him laugh, both good things

sometimes you’ll point something out that just makes him go “oh” bc it seems so obvious when you point it out

other times it’s something so outlandish that he can’t help but crack a smile or let out a laugh 

sometimes it’s the connect the dots meme “you didn’t connect shit” lmao

again, solid advice giver with no holds barred. anyone who needs to be straight up told what they need to hear comes to you, bc you're usually right

and Semi himself can get lost in his own head so it's nice to have you to ground him

you’re decent in your classes sure, but where you really impress is your strategy in game. any game

once you were invited to play laser tag with the team and you whipped out a battle plan that annihilated the other team

alternatively, you show no mercy in monopoly or uno, damn your relationships

it’s actually very annoying how quickly you pick up the rules and nuances to games and use them to your advantage

if you’re both very competitive, it’s usually better for everyone if you’re both on the same team

but he likes a challenge heh

okay, we know he’s bad at dressing himself when it comes to casual outfits. no common sense. you notice this too

“Eita, sweetie, if you go out like that you will get mugged,, even in Miyagi.”

you’ll walk down the street hand in hand and you make random guesses or stories about the people you see 

“that guy is totally a scammer” or “bet that lady looking at the papaya is trying to start a diet for the third time, look at her face” and he’ll chuckle

he knows there’s always something going on inside your mind and he wants to know

when you’re lost in thought he’ll tap your forehead

“hey what’s going on in there?”

he enjoys listening to your musings and thoughts and opinions. you either have a crazy gut instinct or have some unique thought you’ve internally debated over for months

gets inspiration from you actually, even if he doesn’t realize it

likewise, you realize he has a lot on his mind he doesn’t say, but you have a way of making him say it, even if he is hesitant and abrasive at first

you’ll call him at 3am with a random thought and he’ll grumble a bit but actually will listen to you with the smallest smile on his face

* * * * * 

i hope??? this was good??? also lmk if this is too long without a read more i’m not sure :P

[dirtyrottenraskel]

my take on yueki's personalities

yue 

notes / personality

cocky (but also like understated confidence - r e g a l af) 

kind of a nerd

maybe a little entitled, and a little bratty and suki loves to indulge her or to rile her up depending on her mood

books

seems soft but made of steel

strong sense of duty

socially intelligent - can be manipulative and suki (the dork) thinks it is so hot 

aloof queen bee typa beat

supportive, both in ur day to day and in going after your big moral life goals 

deep water - steady and powerful, often underestimated

untold depths, private yet surprisingly nurturing - master of deflecting away from herself

political nerd - well read, and when she has someone she trusts not to take advantage of her, she goes OFF 

distrusting of most people, has been used and ignored and underestimated her whole life

patient - homegirl knows how to play the long game

excellent at pai sho / chess 

she and suki have epic battles of wits - dif types of strategy but both are really into it and get a little too competitive (multiple board games have had to be replaced over the years)

loves travel bc wasn’t allowed to much, esp when she was sick 

was super repressed growing up - never let her be herself or really have any sort of independence

used to sneak out and wander around in rebellion and casually sabotage plans and decisions she didn’t agree with 

introverted, many opinions but keeps them to herself, discreet but well spoken

weaponizes secrets and information - doesn’t often use it but...she could

definitlyyyyy worries and overthinks and re-evaluates - worries ab social politics a lot

obsessive about picking things - wants it to be perfect

shes growing into her confidence as a leader

prefers quite intimate places

incredibly romantic

classic lit

planner for the future - visionary

kind / sweet / gentle - yes, but that’s also her “front” to a degree (seriously, i feel like she gets painted as so sweet and submissive and one dimensional by the fandom a lot of times and it freakin kills me)

INFJ-T (The Advocate) ((yes this is from 16p which i know is not super accurate but u can still catch her overall vibes from it ya know)

Creative/insightful/principled/compassionate/altruistic

sensitive/reluctant to open up/perfectionist/prone to burnout/not a fan of the ordinary

friendships / relationships

(<> indicates that they’re one of her best friends)

sokka - puppy love crushes, laugh ab it now, get into deep late night talks about responsibilities and leading, water tribe culture, prank wars (no one believes sokka when he says yue is a mean prank master (expect suki comes to see it in action lol))

katara - <> badass women friendship, totally would go to matches and protests together, tough girl shit, waterbending practice/duels - start of cautious, but then get rough in a good way bc they trust each other, they do water tribe food adventures together

toph - indulges her chaos, bonding over stupid royal upbringings, odd yet weirdly endearing pair

zuko - both sort of standoffish gay royals, but once they come to see that they are friends - take up similar spaces though, so only hang out in a group or rarely by themselves, they do hang out at like political parties and stuff when they get more comfortable together

aang - <> he has an impressive world view, yue is super studied and well read, so she and aang nerd out over past cultures together, and also their peace keeping nature, they have tea together often - usually after she and katara wipe the floor w/ each other

clothing / aesthetic:

blues and pale colors

classy and understated wealth

like those cute feminine button down shirts

dresses

like cold weather classy

complicated braids

sort of soft girl aesthetic?

pleated skirts !!!

i feel like she would wear ethically sourced fur (i don’t wear fur but idk how to get it in an ethical way - maybe it’s just fake??)

knit sweaters and skinny jeans and heeled ankle boots

light academia !!!

hella funky earrings - to mark her native pride and also cuz gay

from my readings, tattoos have a lot of cultural significance for Inuit women, and so i feel like yue would totally have some (when she comes of age ofc) 

suki

notes / personality 

extroverted 

also very strategic 

more spontaneous tho - will totally calculate the odds in a spilt second in her head and then just go for it

like still a careful planner, but willing to say fuck it, yolo if it seems right 

reflects on her mistakes, but more in like a healthy way - unless it was a leadership mistake, then it eats her up inside - worries more ab keeping her girls safe and making the right call

likes lively places

total bashful romantic

manages the present and the short term - realist

loves to do lists 

a little punch happy - loves to make violent threats, but also does it out of excitement and she’s just a really physical person tbh

steady, can come off as stubborn and abrasive but she really just wants what’s best for everyone she loves

harsh on herself and worries about her girls a lot 

always ends up in the oddest situations 

totally would kick someone’s ass for being racist/sexist/homophobic/etc 

dedicated to her training and her regime 

not a great cook, but she can manage 

would drink monsters 

has a weird relationship with femininity - took her awhile to reconcile strength and toughness and being assertive and aggressive with also wanting to feel pretty and feminine and embracing being a girl and how those things can coincide and amplify each other

abandonment issues - parents absent/dead 

was imprisoned - obvi she had several almost successful escape attempts, but she got really close to breaking 

was incredibly independent really early, grew up really fast and tries to make up for that now by sometimes being reckless 

tough/assertive/woman of action 

dry sense of humor/sarcastic - not good at nickname/pun humor tho

practical/dedicated/strong-willed/direct/honest/reliable/loyal/patient

stubborn/judgmental/difficult to relax/difficulty expressing emotions/too selfless 

friendships / relationships

(<> indicates that they’re one of her best friends)

sokka - <>  man they’re like platonic soulmates - she beat him up, and now they spar all the time, totally funny and crack jokes all the time, go skating together, they do shitty art together, and then show their lovers after zuko and yue come back from their high society mixers, broke her out of prison, m/f friendship !!! 

katara - also sparring buddies (suki will throw down at any literally moment (and tbh so will katara)), not close but will hang in a group - go to each other for advice 

toph - <> listen these two wreak havoc together, they help each other out a lot, i feel like they’re shopping buddies (similar enough style to frequent the same shops) toph knows suki won’t judge her for wanting to feel pretty and suki knows toph will be honest, they are both blunt sarcastic assholes and get along like a house on fire 

zuko - <> shows zuko how to like,,,enjoy things (and how to let go of some of that pressure to be always right and the adult and in charge bc they were raised with so much responsibility on their shoulders even tho they were just kids)? she is also super protective of him (once she trusts him), one of the only ppl who can match suki fully in hand to hand combat, both do the Disappointed Parent Look when the group falls into chaos, but by themselves, the two of them end up in hijinks

aang- suki enjoys his optimism and they’re just chill bros, they love exploring abandoned placed together 

clothing / aesthetic

sporty and skater mixed 

ripped jeans, crewnecks, vans 

green and yellow and dark red 

gym clothes/athleisure - lifting style gym clothes - cut off t-shirts and bike shorts

skirts too, likes to play into femininity

she’s a gold jewelry kinda girl - but stuff that won’t hinder her movements 

necklaces that end in the hollow of her throat & occasionally rings

definitely cuffs all of her jeans (it’s just bisexual culture ya know)

so many crop tops - some came like that, some were more of a diy project

yueki’s relationship!!!

nerd/jock solidarity 

feel the burden of responsibility and the weight on their shoulders 

they create a safe space between them, full of trust and warmth and vulnerability 

yue will read suki sappy passages from poetry books while suki polishes her fans 

they slow dance in the kitchen a lot 

they get good at ordering takeout - and they have some weird decision making process that only they understand - bc neither of them are great cooks 

yue would feel jealous of suki and sokka, if it weren’t for how stupid in love sokka was with zuko and yue can see that suki really only has eyes for her 

yue is taller than suki and it amuses her to no end to pick suki up and carry her away from a fight (we all know suki could get away if she wanted to, but when ur hot tall sexy gf throws u over her shoulder,,,,,,u don’t complain)

joke they’ve adopted kataang and zukka, bc they’re all dummies, but in reality every last one of them is stupid LMAO 

they love to do each other’s hair and it’s like super intimate and really cute 

sometimes it’s these epic elaborate hairstyles and then at other times, they try to see how many ponytails they can fit on suki’s head and how many little braid yue can do 

they travel EVERYWHERE 

since yue is royalty and suki is her body guard,,,, well i mean, they totally have to see these kingdoms they are doing trade deals with in person 

it helps that they're friends with a lot of them 

they stay over in everything from camping so they can stargaze to ritzy hotels with hot tubs in the bathroom 

yue gives suki rocks she finds on all their travels and suki lines them up on their mantle around the pictures of them in increasingly weird locations 

suki loves guarding yue’s meetings bc she gets to watch her absolutely rip a new one into misogynistic old men and it never fails to bring her joy 

While yue doesn’t love getting attacked, the ruthless efficiency suki defends her with is like,,,,,stupid attractive 

[tellywoodtrash]

immj2 04.12.20 lb

dadi is totes eskited, jaise pehli baar shaadi ho rahi ho. shipper ho toh aisi!!!!

lmao iskiiiii utaavli toh dekho. didn’t need to be told twice. not even a momenttttt of jhijakkkk he had. varmaalas hote toh kachchue ki taraah mundiii aage karta. 

yeh aage itna parking space kyun choda hua hai????

lol this unnecessary chacha is back for what joy???? he wasn’t here when vansh “died”, he’s here for this total random ceremony???

lmaooooo all of their faces are so tortured. ki ek baar hi iss shaadi se humara band bajaa hua hai, ab toh doosri baar bhi ho gayi.

solemn sorry to vansh. ki i have to do this to save the family.

meanwhile jisse sorry maang rahi hai, he’s hassi-khushi lootofying mazze of wedding # 2.

he needs to fucking stop looking at her like this, like she is the reason the sun rises.

dadi going hardcore on this ki yeh waali tootni nahi chahiye ok, chaahe duniya idhar ki udhar ho jaaye. this ends only when riddhima dies (because sadaa suhaagan, etc. 🤮🤮🤮)

happy affirmative nods from this one. lol he’s genuinely so psyched to have scored his own wife again. cute!!!!!!!

ishani is like bhakkkkkkkkkkkk, saara mood kharaab kar diya. poor thing,

and lol angre went trotting behind her immediately.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ISKA CHEHRA DEKHO LMAO.

this bitch tooooooooooooo soft for his wife. I LOVE IT.

warning glares to everyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyone as he takes her.

LMAO HER PETTY ASS COULDN’T HELP BUT RUBBBBBBBBBBBBB IT INTO KABIR’S FACE.

V on the outside:

V on the inside:

blah blah how could you let this behroopiya put sindoor in your maang, i’ll find out the truth and then badnaaam youuuuu, just waitttt. abbe jaaaaa na.

wow. champion scrabble player kabir must be.

abbe duffer scrabble mein checkmate nahi hota. i overestimated your intelligence.

also how the fuck he instantlyyyyyyyyyyyyy make vihaan’s name correctly????? like, there’s 6 letters and if you do permutations, 6!/2!=360. THERE’S 360 WAYS YOU COULD ARRANGE THOSE LETTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

idhar this one is babbling about what happened today was just part of contract, main sirffffffff tumhaari hoon vanshhhhhh. 

this one deciding to toy with her emotions a little by doing the vansh voice. not cool, my man. she looks genuinely devastated.

grief gives way to anger.

lmaooooooooo she’s saying take my vansh’s clothes off and ripping them off him.

i would do the same, sis. NIKAAALO KAPDEEEEE (but in a sexyyyyy way.)

passionate defense of mera vansh aisa tha, mera vansh waisa tha, tum mere vansh jaise kabhi nahi ho sakte, blah blah blah. behen, speech dene se fursat mile toh dekho ki tumhara vansh is looking at you like he wants to take you up against that fuglyass wall right this second. mandbuddhi aurattttttttttttttttttttt.

trying to tamp down his horny by saying all this love you have for vansh seems fake af. website doesn’t seem credible it seems, lol. riddhima forgot to update her security certificates.

i can’t stop lmao whenever he calls her Dollar Biwi.

who dis watching from outside now??????

pushing and prodding and poking (saying the truth only, ki kahin aise he khel OG pati ke saath bhi nahi khele the???) aaaaaand.......

“thappad se darr lagta hai sahiba.......”

“............lekin pyaar se nahi lagta!”

lmao who knew he was so filmy!!!!!

“toh agli baar, sirf pyaaaar, pyaaar.........”

“...... and only pyaar!”

he cute and all but asking for a good kick in the crotch rn.

“laaton ka bhoot nahi hoon main; pyaar se baat karogi toh baaton se maan jaunga.”

HE NEEDS TO STOP NUZZLING INTO HER HAIR THAT WAY!!!!!!

ALSO BRO IF YOU JUST TELL HER WHO YOU ARE, YOU’D BE GETTING SO MUCH NOOKIE TONIGHT. STUPID MASOCHISTIC FUCK.

i hate this stupid “ladki ka gussa is so hot” bs. i hate it so much.

finally she gave it to him nicely. idk wtf she was waiting for this long. main hoti toh kab ka miss congeniality waala S-I-N-G method deploy karti.

he’s really working on riddhima and my lassssssst nerve.

speaking of fuckers paaofying bhangra on women’s lasttttt nerve.............. all you men in this house are really asking to be fucking stabbed in the eye today, aren’t ya.

scrabble champion kahinnnnnn bhi shuru ho jaata hai haan?

maybe all this badla and mission is just a sad way to distract himself from the fact that he has noone in his life to play scrabble with. that’s literally all he wants. vansh could end this whole thing by just devoting one hour a day to him.

riddhima playing dumb. not that it takes khaas effort for her........... 

anyway challenge challenge challenge between the two. idc. 

15 min and kabir will have proof he’s saying. yeah right. popat banne waala hai tera.

running in to warn V, and................

V’s face whenever kabir talks to him:

kabir ka toh pata hai, but why is dadi sooooooooo eager and happy to hear this story about how vansh almost fucking died????

lol V tells the whole story (that AP had cooked up that day about the ghar mein gunday and all.......) and kabir’s reaction......

“beautiful!!!!!!!!!”

V is this close to beating the teeth outta K’s mouth lmao.

mishra’s sent the proof aaaaaaaaand....................

lmaoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

askdjlsakjdlaskjdlaskjldkjaslkjdalsklkjas i hate him lolololololololol

a narrow win for our team!

“kya hua kabir? tumhare chehre se toh aisa lag raha hai jaise haath mein aate aate koi bohut badi daulat haath se nikal gayi!” HE’S SUCH A PETTY BASTARD LMAO

mrs. petty bastard has some extra salt to rub in. premium grade pink himalayan salt.

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. container house ke itttu se gadde ko bye bye, hello again to my king size mattress!

ofc they’ll fight about contract, sanskaar, blah blah idc i’m just here for what i know is coming up .

there it isssssssssssssss.

MANS GOTTA STOP LOOKING AT HER LIKE THIS.

“main gentleman hoon. kisi bhi ladki, khaas kar meri Dollar Biwi ko taqleef nahi de sakta.”

i’m so sickkkkk of himmmmmmmmmm.

badiiiiiii jaldi maan gayi riddhima??????? don’t blame her tho.

IF THAT “BETA MANN MEIN LADDOOOOO PHOOOOOTA” CADBURY AD WAS MADE IN 2020.

lo ji naagin 5 mein vani ne pardaa utaar diya toh idhar inko gift kar diya.

standard “tumhaari neeyat bigad gayi, toh bhi main uss side nahi aane waala” dialogue.

UGH I AM SUCH A SUCKER FOR THIS BS.

he’s like achcha mujhe le toh aayi, but karna kya hai exactly??????

vansh ne property dadi ke naam kii thi. it’ll be transferred back to vansh, and i want you to write it all on my name.

great. he’s gonna think she’s a golddigger now. re devaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. kab milegi muktiiiiiii riddhima mujh ko innn tuchche misunderstandings se?????

[onmykneesforhotdilfs]

Ok let me clarify. It has been brought to my attention that my previous post about sparxshipping and sebaciel may be misinterpreted.

Yes, i wrote 'it's just two fictional characters boning', but that doesn't necessarily refer to sebaciel (because that's where the controversy comes from). There are other ships out there, especially bloom and valtor ship, because my post was mainly inspired by my current obsession (aka sparxshipping).

But the truth is, sebaciel shippers of any kind (romantic or platonic) face a bunch of hate because the ship is abusing. And yes, when we look at cannon there are some things that could be considered abusive. That's why there is fandom. I'm not talking about anything sexual for now, let's just talk about it in general.

People that don't support sebaciel don't support it in any way, including platonic, because according to them, sebastian is a demon and he has no feelings therefore he's just using ciel and 'playing with his food'. Is that correct? Maybe. But the truth is, some people see things differently because even in cannon we can see snippets of emotions that sebastian exhibits. So is it correct to assume that sebastian doesn't have any feelings whatsoever? Probably not.

Even viewed as a father figure for ciel, sebastian is trashed because 'he's a demon and he would never do that'. Well people, valtor would never surrender and switch sides in the winx fandom, and yet here i am, writing about that.

I've noticed that bb fandom is toxic in general. There literally is no right ship. You can't ship anyone without getting bunch of hate thrown at your way because your ship 'isn't right', whereas in reality, you can't go right with black butler. It's either pedophilia or abusive or incest.

As for aging ciel up... now you may disagree with me, but i don't think that's wrong, because no matter how much you age ciel up he will always be a child compared to sebastian's real age (which we still don't know). So to those that don't ship sebaciel, no matter how much you age him up, to them it is never enough. People are known for aging some people down and we consider that normal, so why is this considered 'a sin'?

The period itself in which bb is playing is Victorian England, 1800s... those were weird times and a lot of things that we consider immoral and unimaginable today were just another day at the office.

Now, let's talk about the sexual aspect of sebaciel.

I have been accused of viewing ciel as sexual/romantic interest... which is a complete bullshit because i see ciel as a brat, a spoiled brat at that.

I'm bisexual and I'm a girl. I'm attracted towards women more than men, but when i do find myself attracted towards men, I'm attracted to older men... (why is that? Because most men my age (18) are still mentaly preteens.)

Ciel is a teenager, and as teenagers we are all attracted towards some stupid and weird stuff. We tend to question a lot of things, our sexuality is definitely one of them. So is there a possibility that ciel is sexually attracted to sebastian? Maybe.

Now is sebastian sexually attracted towards ciel, that's a tricky topic because as far as we are all aware, canonically, sebastian isn't interested in anyone sexually. He only does it when the assignment requires of him to do so. But then again, he is a demon and if we look at it biblically and via mythology, demons are described as evil creatures that don't poses a moral compass. So we can't be sure about anything here.

I believe that sebastian is mostly interested in ciel mentally because ciel is intelligent (despite thinking he's a brat most of the time) and sebastian is known to value those things more than physical ones. And of course, he's interested in his soul.

So the point is, we can't be sure in almost anything when it comes to bb, because Yana is known to tease us with a lot of double meaning sentences and illustrations and teasing dialogue and some people are bound to see it sexually.

So just, don't threaten people that ship the two of them together, or any other bb ship, because there is no proper couple in bb.

(If I'm being honest, i want sebastian for myself because the dude is hot af)

[kuronekonerochan]

The laziest compilation of thoughts about the mess that was Alice (spoilers)

I finish a lot of shitty dramas. Like a lot. I could review them, but I won’t bc there’s too many and I’m too lazy (when you ff some dramas from 45min to 5 per episode it doesn’t really count as watching too many dramas bc it’s really a commercial break, lol). Some I watch for the so bad it’s good content, or love hate watching or just to have something to watch while I eat, even if they’re boring af. It’s also a tiny bit of ocd bc I need to see how they end (even the ones I drop I check out the finale). I only drop the ones that as Marie Kondo says *Do Not Spark Joy, more specifically...annoy me and make me cranky.

I sometimes bitch about it on DMs with ranty spoilers without structure and that reference other unrelated dramas or shows, because ADHD and my mind refuses to stay on topic, which would make it probably unintelligible except if you are in the niche who happens to have watched the other unrelated dramas, so it’s probably useless as a review.

That said, here are some random disconnected thoughts about Alice.

MAJOR SPOILER ALERTS BEWARE

(this is like partly copypaste of DM rants bc I am that lazy biatch. Also, fair warning I will seem super harsh or this drama because that’s the thing about a bitching dm versus a proper review... I am not bringing up all the points and talking about the good and what I liked as well as the bad, it’s just the bad...and although the drama is imo a mess, it does have some good in it. So if it were a review I’d always argue pros and cons...ranty thoughs who cares about pros? boring..I will not be bothered with devil’s advocate).

This was fascinating to watch, interesting but not good... but like a trainwreck.

I continued watching this mess despite the headache inducing convoluted plot (I watched a lot of timetravel stuff and I love it...encompassing all the theories about it, from butterfly effect, to effectively changing the future (with characters forgetting it or keeping it in memory because “eye of the storm” theory, the “efforts are futile and you can try to change it but the future is set in stone”, to “small changes can be made but big events are fixed points in time”, to “every change creates a new time line” and multiverse, etc... and trust me, all of them can be done well when well written or turn out a confusing illogical mess and that has nothing to do with the theory chosen, but with presenting how time travel works for that story and what the basic rules are and sticking to them...or when something happens that contradicts them, come up with an explanation as to why that happens.

 I don’t mean the drama should be an exposition borefest with too much pseudosciency jargon...but this drama gives you too little in the way of rules and the viewers sort of figure out how timetravel works (which is not bad per se, huge fan of show don’t tell...but there’s a limit to how much they cannot tell or the characters chose not to ask just for the sake of plot and not without any logic to it). Anyways, the little “rules” that we gather along the way...the writing doesn’t stick to them and keeps contradicting itself without addressing or explaining it and hoping we’re so confused we don’t notice. Some dramas you just say “eh, forget it, it doesn’t make sense, let’s turn off our brains and enjoy it”, but here if I wanted to try and follow what was going on at all it required “brain on” mode for their convoluted plot twists...which also made me aware of so may plotholes the time road should have looked like Swiss Cheese. I could go into them...but I cannot be bothered and the list would be extensive and still incomplete, so I will just put 3 here bc I can’t help it:

 1) Hot Daddy with emotional turmoil the entire drama of “Oh no, I abandoned her in 92 and regretted it, it happened 1 year ago for me, and now I find out she died in 2010. How was she, did she suffer? What did she know? Oh god, if only I were a time traveler eventually going rogue who could show up and talk to her any time in the timeline between 92 and 2010...Alas, I have to live in misery with the consequences of my actions...there is just ABSOLUTELY no way of solving this. I guess I’ll just keep making unauthorized time travel journeys from 2050′s time agency back to the year of 2020 and only 2020 to constantly be blindsided by murder attempts on everyone everywhere without having a clue to what’s going on when I could simply go back to before 2010 and talk to the one person who is proven to know what is going on.” Here is where there could be a bullshit reason as to why he could go only go to 2020 and not before, but the drama didn’t even bother.

 2) They say Tae Yi’s mom was originally a time traveler who settled with her physicist dad in the past, eventually making way for her to discover time travel herself. The mom is missing and this is never addressed again. 

3) The book...who wrote it? Because I have guesses but they never outright answer it... and if the biatch author knew that stuff why the alice in wonderland stupid analogies?

 Coward, or petty, or both.... or maybe just a chaos gremlin godlike entity who wanted to watch them all squirm, like the author from Extraordinary You...and that I could get behind, but sadly they don’t go that metaphysical/theological with the plot...which is honestly the main problem with this drama. It seems ambitious in concept but it’s never explored decently in any way, not in the pseudoscience, not in the philosophical sense of the meaning of time/space/existence, not even in its relationships, with the constant back and forth and weirdness of it.

Besides the timetravel migraine, we had the weirdest directing, that made the relationship between the leads feel a bit too incesty...which was the main reason I kept watching this drama...morbid curiosity of how they wrapped up this mess of a plot AND especially the relationship payoff...would it keep being weird with trope romance drama scenes like the female lead and second female lead facing off and being jealous, or that weird hair washing that felt more sensual than maternal? I knew it wouldn’t happen but my inner chaos gremlin wanted kdramaland to grow some balls and go full “predestination: oedipus edition” with this mess. Alas they sort of did, mostly didn’t. Even that angle was a whole inconsistent mess: there were times where it felt too romantic, then for a short minute I misguidedly shipped the journalist friend, then it seemed the dude was ace, then they calmed their tits with the whole weird romantic vibes and it got platonic cute, then with the memory merge thing finally motherly vibes, then I shipped the journalist again for 1 sec only...and then the ending:

Alice ended with the lead solving every problem by shooting himself (technically) in the head...and that's the second meta perfectly fitting ending for a drama with a good cast and terrible writing that drove itself into a corner this year, after the sleepless princess ended with the leads jumping off a cliff. I don't think it's a self aware choice of the writers, or an admission that they themselves know it was bad, but the irony is delicious.

Spoiler for the ending: he undoes timey wimey stuff from when his mom first got killed in high school and closed the time travel door. So he became an architect and new Tae Yi just woke up in her bed remembering everything, but in reality she had just come back from a conference abroad and had never met him. So mom TaeYi didn't die then, but never got back on screen after the time undo so who the f knows what happened to her. 

Also, if new Tae Yi remembers, does that mean hot daddy from the future does as well, but he is just stuck in the future without a time door to ever see them again? The drama doesn’t care answering that and forgets his character is even a thing...I will miss you, my fave who looked emotionally and literally constipated 24/7 (it doesn’t care answering much at all tbf... a little known fact about the time travel paradoxes according to the physics of this world is that besides doppelganger chickenpox it induces severe lazy writing).

Anyways new Tae Yi went looking for architect (? okay...I guess) ML after she woke up, at first he didn't remember her, but it ends with him meeting her, apparently remembering her and they stare at each other... you know, like any bad traditional romantic kdrama finale....so there is still THAT vibe. 

Honestly, the usual romantic ballad score for scenes between the leads WAS NOT the most intelligent choice for this drama in specific but boy did they stick with it (not to mention the ending song... that goes, in english “we be like Bonnie and Clyde we ride or die...which...k, sure)...so technically the ending was exactly the cliche post amnesia running back to each other and staring for the final scene while romantic music blasts trope. Take it as you will.

[howdoyousleep3]

the feelin’ is reckless

Hiiiiii I am so emotional today bc of work things and this whole virus impacting that so I wanted this to be fluffy af and feely and emotional and sappy. I’m not really in the mindset to write out a hard smut scene so let me know if this is okay. If not, don’t you worry! I’ll gladly add! 😘😘😘 Bucky wakes up slowly, lazy and thick like syrup, feeling like an entirely different person than he did waking up 24 hours earlier in his own Twin bed. That tends to happen when he wakes up in this bed, this cloud-like luxurious bed that three of him could lay out on comfortably. But there aren’t two others of himself with him in this bed. Steve Rogers is with him in this bed.

It’s early, Bucky being able to tell by the color of the sun and the way it filters in through Steve’s dark curtains, spilling onto the carpeted floor, over the bed. Bucky usually drifts, is someone who wakes up a few times in the morning but can easily go back to bed until he is truly ready to wake up, but that never happens when he wakes up here. When he wakes up at Steve’s house he wakes with uneasiness, his heart in his throat. He won’t let himself think and he’ll quickly gather his clothes, sneak out and down the stairs and slip out the front door without waking the older man. 

That’s what he finds himself doing in these situations when he keeps coming back to Steve again and again—not thinking. He doesn’t want to think about their age difference or the different paths their lives are on. He doesn’t want to think about how much he has grown to adore and yearn for those capable hands on his body, commanding lips on his own, deep and soothing voice in his ear. He doesn’t want to think about how much he has grown to rely on and appreciate and love like having Steve’s presence in his life.

He definitely doesn’t want to think about how he continues to ignore all of these valid feelings when there’s absolutely no way Steve wants or can keep up with a relationship with someone like Bucky. He definitely doesn’t want to think about how easy it is for him to ignore his feelings to continue to have one extra night with Steve, which is exactly what happened yet again last night. A phone call led to dinner led to a club visit. The phone call was the one chance he had at keeping his pride intact, to remain strong, but his foundation was far too weak to have any kind of ground and it crumbled. As soon as he heard that sweet sticky-honey purr of, “Hey, sugar…” he knew he was done for. Dinner was full of that seemingly genuine interest Steve had for Bucky’s daily life, his week, how school was going. Flirtatious banter was heavy from the beginning, Steve growing more and more confident with each night spent together. Soft touches, soft lips, soft voices—Bucky was a weak weak man.

The club was where Bucky truly let go and said fuck it. He was a little tipsy and Steve took him to a place he’d never be able to afford to get into if he were the one paying, one that Steve apparently didn’t even need to pay to get into. It was loud, bass shaking Bucky’s insides, attractive people everywhere and he soon found himself getting carried away with the vibes. 

He could rarely get Steve to dance, always claiming he had two left feet, but one more cocktail had Bucky not needing a dance floor, confidence flowing through his veins making him feel like someone he wasn’t. It had him sitting in Steve’s lap in their booth, rolling his hips to the music a little, sucking on Steve’s earlobe. Steve let him carry on for quite some time, purrs and tight hands and eye contact, and as soon as Bucky whispered, “Take me home, Daddy,” Steve did just that. Bucky didn’t just keep coming back to Steve for his intelligence, his caring demeanor, and his sense of humor; Bucky also came back for the sex. He’ll never have a better fuck than Steve Rogers, he knows this, has accepted this. The strength, the intensity, the devotion—all of it had Bucky crumbling repeatedly. 

Steve could tear him apart, limb by limb, and then put him back together with encouraging whispers, gentle touches and soft kisses. Bucky had never met someone that could love so intensely, with such power, while maintaining a gentle and devoted demeaner. Steve Rogers fucked Bucky as if his own pleasure entirely depended on Bucky’s. Steve’s words, his grips and nudges, his purposeful everything, was devoted entirely to Bucky.

Steve Rogers was the best fuck Bucky would ever have.

And Bucky wanted so much more than that. But he wasn’t going to think about that right now. Right now his focus was sneaking out of Steve’s apartment and running away like he always does. He rolls over, doesn’t want to look at Steve’s sleeping face, and shimmies some before a meaty arm curls around his waist. There’s a deep sigh, a sleepy one, and Bucky is dragged back across the mattress until his back hits a hot muscly chest.

“Where y’goin’?” Steve whispers in a gruff voice on the shell of Bucky’s ear and he can’t help but shiver, swallow loudly. He’s never not gotten away, has never had to face this conversation or predicament head-on.

“U-uhm, I was…I think I should—” Bucky tries but Steve is there to hush him quickly, snuggle into Bucky’s neck, kissing sloppily at the skin there as he pulls the younger’s body back into his own in a wiggle.

“Shh, don’t baby. Jus’sleep now. S’too early, sleep,” Steve mumbles into his skin and he can already tell Steve is going to easily fall back asleep and he’ll be left here to think and he doesn’t want to, has been avoiding it for months. The older man is so warm, so big and so tempting, so sleepy. He’s breathing heavily into Bucky’s temple, his ear, and he hates how much he enjoys the feeling, it adding to his feelings and it’s heinous. Maybe five minutes pass before Steve startles Bucky by whispering, “Can hear you thinkin’, Buck. Know you can sleep in, why don’you do it now for me, sugar?”

Sugar always gets him.

“Steve, I…I really think I should—”

“Babyyy, you been runnin’ away from me for weeks. Gimme this. Stop runnin’. Sleep.”

Bucky immediately feels like the biggest fucking idiot in the world for thinking Steve didn’t notice or didn’t care about Bucky ditching early each morning after. He feels ashamed, kind of wants to cry and profusely apologize for being so selfish, but Steve’s lips are pursing against the side of his face, littering it with kisses, arm squeezing at his waist.

“You’re more than just a one-night stand, Buck. Can hear you thinkin’, y’so loud. Wouldn’t keep lettin’ you come over, wouldn’t keep callin’ if I didn’t wan’more, sugar. Now quit your overthinkin’, rest your pretty head, and lemme sleep, yeah?”

Bucky’s mind races a mile a second, can’t comprehend all of Steve’s sleep-slurred words, but a sense of calm and giddiness wash over him. He has questions, hundreds, but the one underlying worry he had has been eased. Steve wants more. He can feel his entire form relax, limb by limb, Steve letting out a pleased rumble. “Come on, I’ll make it worth your while, honey. L’make ya pancakes and you can ride Daddy’s cock right at the table, huh? S’that sound good?” Steve asks, adding in a filthy roll of his hips, his obvious erection digging into the curve of Bucky’s ass, and he can’t help but let out a breathy noise, a chuckle of sorts, chub up a little himself.

“S-sounds like heaven.”

Sure does, Buckaroo. 😍 Feed me and then fuck me? YES PLZ, DADDY.  Love you!! 😘😘😘

[xesoteric-extraterrestrialx]

I am not suicidal, references

“The never ending story”

I am Midna Saria Zelda

I am Rosalina Daisy Peach

I am (Never finished the game) Namine Kairi

I am thumbalina I am Anastasia

Pocahontas , jasmine , Ariel , venelope , tangled, mulan

Princess’s in both avatars and valarien 1000planets

I am the pink (cartoon) panther Sherlock Holmes

I am flame princess I am marceline I am princess bubblegum (berry princess too) (male opposites too so nyah)

Observers are like inside out emotions

(other beings will be harder to explain, 6th sense, paranorman, dragonfly, (find a movie that shows how we see them too hard to explain) (predator halosuits basically, see little bit of the lining and can tell it’s them and the baseball field one can feel // sense they’re there // see the “invisible” lining, some entities make heat radiation movements when move? Like heat off a car on hot day, the outline of them is easier to see, the glitches and eyes too but idk how to explain...)

(Others come through devices like digimon, time travel room like digimon, girl who lept, summer wars, etc- so we must be online - interweb- connect to astral realm- how to stop them controlling dreams and have lucid ones again- how to connect to multiverse

(Last dream I gave them cereal but why did they put me on a bus... suspicious... They rape me during it too after we passed a snowy street... (learn to wake from them when you realize you’re not in control or change it drastically and don’t allow them access to do so anymore somehow, well get there! They lied about protecting while I sleep.. (healing ones & the one whom says they claim me..) I bubble self somehow, someone protects me from remembering or experiencing full dream- thankful of light beings)

Sugar spice and everything nice = wake up I am the spice girls Ginger - social sporty - masculine scary - dark// used to be sexual posh - used to be judging baby spice (don’t care if anyone doesn’t understand littles) - feminine (but goth darks- pales - pastels)

Raven, Lydia Deetz, Legion, Hana fruits basket, jasper empath abilities can absorb their sadness like Deetz, puzzles like brea, avatar elements, power up, the last mimzy, X-men- abilities)

Mc’s based off Sakura meme and Sleepy Ash character types (bunch more but these two are of age above 21 (find more anime’s like new game kawaii slice of life character like me (kagura is a little, that anime she seems like she morphs chibi but it just express’s how a little is, more laid back and chillen with video games or cartoons compared to more conscious and active when around others, sleepy ash does it too, get all meh and like a chibi mini plushie of themselves- Harley Quinn is a little, jinx LEauge of legends, Shiro, Raven and more, Lucy// Nyuu but more intelligent kind of, find autistic characters too or just explain in this all// trauma like Crona) and older dudes, my hero pro hero’s for ex) // my characters will be 27 & 29)

I am Carrie (world of gumball- she’s eons)

I am the swan princess, peach, nausica studio Ghibli princesses

I am sweet pea(escapism) & baby doll(dissociation), rocket, blondie, amber (5 personas)- sucker punch

I am number four - abilities as well - find 7 or more

Star Wars (still need to watch all) I am probably another character too but I know the first Queen and they used that to use humanity against me but I already wanted them saved so forgot what it said in there but there were no coincidences when they were threatening to slaughter me and tried to kill me in the hospitals(cpep for sure- stole some memory and deja vu of dying there before, they had time wars too because of all info and trying to wed me.. & manipulate but I can’t be mk ultraed like they usually do with gangstalking, safest here since these can’t slaughter me either just collecting spiritual evidence while living here and will move out once afford, trying to help wake them up matrix wise but was told they were slaughtered and reptilians roleplaying as my family, tried to kill me multiple times and try to say go sin and bs but I’m not dumb I need to save all and they’re gross af lmao, like precious so disgusting.. & that movie where the girl did ballet and I connected it to jokers ballet.. both sides are sin spiritually so I will save up for my own place(damsel haha my life.. *repunzel.. tangled.. Cinderella- into the woods- save self and escape like su) and try to heal them from afar, even if they don’t try to heal I can give food and help out financially, won’t be with that soul group or these reptilians next round but can’t die and living for eons (matrix shuts down if I die it felt weird- static numb- pins and needles) since illuminati(organization 13) are trying to get me (namine- kairi) ,) start business in basement of art and my own merch kawaiispooky healing shadow light work and then get place of own, can use rl experiences to write about like I am rn) & princess Leila and probably another like guardians of galaxy I am green skinned pink hair and the empath from second (sister is the blue sister in first) princess in valareian(explains my soul and outside worlds) and mc girl (vessel- makes it easier for others to understand, so many perspectives)

(Gypsy - me) priest - sin religion control (knight - humanity) quaz- new fam members whom feel like him (don’t judge them if they help they’re like super hero’s!) but are positive and good spirited

Use frequencies during sad or bad parts to attract beings whom need to vent or heal from those things and let them vent and express self crying or gratitude, beautiful message of healing and then higher frequencies so beings from higher realms can help guide them through the healing process instead of being trapped by beings whom don’t want to heal, heal and sage out as many as you can help, all need to heal!!! Healing = beautiful strength

(Hunger games situation (I am catniss) (studio Ghibli princess mononoke- attack on titan (walls map)- sword art (tower like transformers) - SU - X-men - MIB - trolls 2 map - children of whales map - Zelda map (need to double check Zelda map) ) (Batman lego movie and lego movie) (twilight zone)

Spice girls - dc super hero girls (Harley Quinn and Barbara) - Charlie angels - kill bill - dogma

Flcl- work station symbolism - dead leaves- panty and stocking - redline

Vessel - Zelda human (Janine, silent, aka timid, tangled, mulan, Cinderella-elf) princess, also the zora princess’s ruto (mipha-another realm- higher realm-Aqua also made reps know they can be healers too when they watched I learned about that- healing- Pocahontas- Anunnaki) deku princess(lower realm- reps-Ravens story -jasmine), Spirit sage saria (3rd earth abilities-nature-ferngully-fae-Persephone-protector of nature-sage) & soul - minda twilight princess (higher realm- Tiamat- space-rosalina-Brave-venelope)

Soul old soul, Spirit new soul, vessel autism

Lonely island - turtle

Eevees

(I don’t trust the chancler- rat race jupiter ascending, dark crystal, Star Wars)

(Empire- cabal - organization-Galactic Fed13(Supposed to be like Star Wars and will be- supposed to be like lilo and stitch and supposed to be like guardians of the galaxy)

(Rebels are 7deadlysins(Pink is 4th) sins but really lazy 6- related to the empire but ones that wants to end sin) (empire doesn’t want eveyone spiritual to have control-7 want to wake all up so all can heal or at least I do, pretty sure the six just want to dom me in the past.. So we are not lust we hate be lusted for and we stand for empathy and justice! We are all multi gender and they make fun of my feminine side (in past and killed me since I didn’t want the business to be the way it was and didn’t want to be morman with them since literally everyone is related to everyone and they’re made I realize that again and that’s why they’re freaking out that I want to be single forever- garnet stronger than you- they are jasper I am Lapris-spinel symbolism is Janines reactions to all of this and how innocent we truly are.. Pink diamond is truly is and our story but backwards so many hate us, we died and grew to realize life’s beauty like in the rose video tape but they grounded us and other races took over- night began to rise teen Titans music story- pink is I- evil wizard made matrix- wake up everyone!!! Don’t be afraid of your spiritual strengths or you’ll be trapped in the matrix eternally!!!!!!) so all have to realize sensitivity and symphony and empathy are strengths not weaknesses!!!)

Dead in real life- matrix is like spotless sunshine- going through her memories deleting and creating new ways that they like- programming I- Janine is the spark of brain-aura lights- all fuse into I janines consciousness and they want to wake me back up and I’ll be alive but only with janines memories.. but I’m princess and choosing to heal all and find solution to heal entire egg - brain remove THIER corruption (33 players made online game to crest ultimate lover) wake up like ghost in shell but Frankenstein or AI as programmed chobit, all humans are like this too in pods like matrix because humanity failed and ai war in past (9, last mimzy, AI, I robot) save nature learn lessons spark everyone’s free will- all brains connected (matrix, online multiplayer but not because organic so it’s really spiritual but to make sense of it it is also AI like computer and video games!! Movies have Easter eggs multiple perspectives, find out whom your soul is and spiritually wake up, everyone will be mocked!) I’m not the only one but at same time here I am if that even makes sense.. (favorite daughter like Ariel aka Jasmine) I may be the only one because I am the chosen one, I am the Universe(Soul).. Mother Gaia(Spirit) but Janine(Vessel//Temple) (not supposed to be a prison nor is the planet, let’s fix it and if the only way is staying alive forever then so be it and let’s heal the whole egg and live together peacefully but please don’t let them turn me into a tool or deceive anyone or force sin I am against sin!) (If not I shall be karma for the lack of empathy and removal of sin in all universes- there’s multiverses) (end result hopefully beach race from valarien but abilities like X-men and peaceful and many races and beautiful nature and growth not trauma-no sin)

[velvet-tread]

In which Star Wars was uplifting af for a hot second and we all hoped they wouldn’t fuck it up

TROS got a lot wrong (howls into the Rey nobody/Rose Tico void forever) but boy did they get one thing right and that was the rise of Ben Solo on Kef Bir.

And maybe I’m misinterpreting this Important Man Work with my delicate lady eyes, but for me it was about a bit more than the symbolism of Kylo Ren’s “death”, which has been much picked over already and confirmed by the production team. The tl;dr is that the whole sequence felt like it ran far deeper than a simple death-rebirth cycle, and there’s a certain rhythm to how this sequence goes down that is just pure poetry. So, I have to have do a breakdown.

Caveat: Some of my read on it may be way off what was actually intended because I fully believe this movie was written by a team of barely-sentient walruses with fanboy party hats on and we should probably lower our expectations with regards to emotional intelligence but here goes anyway.

The location is a ruined Death Star in the middle of a churning sea. A RUINED DEATH STAR. IN A CHURNING SEA.

What better metaphor is there for Kylo Ren? All of the conflict, all of the rage and all of his chaotic energy in the Force which led him down this path, embodied in roiling water. Everything he aspired to, the power and glory of Darth Vader, rotting and fragile and corrupted by the very same turmoil that corrupted Ben Solo.

Safety info: walruses shouldn’t be allowed trowels at all, let alone permitted to use them to lay it on so damn heavy.

So in the middle of this mad-dramatique metaphor Kylo Ren is chasing Rey. She lures him to the very, very edge of this Death Star, this old, crumbling dream of his, to fight him to the death. SWEET LORD THEY ARE SO STRONG AND EVENLY MATCHED IN THE FORCE AND MY KINK LIVES.

And then: Leia calls.

His mother, her mother, the mother of every Star Wars fan that ever lived. She calls. And Kylo Ren brbs out of battle headspace, Leia dies with the effort of it and Rey spears him with his own lightsabre just as they both feel Leia’s light putter out.

Silence.

This is where I get very emo even for me.  I can’t remember if the score was cut – it probably wasn’t – but it may as well have been because I just heard white noise. WHAT. A. MOMENT.

Obviously this changes everything but not in the way I – or these two characters – had been prepared for. Because what really sticks is that Kylo getting skewered isn’t the Important Development here. It’s utterly incidental. The most important development in this whole edge of the world scenario is that Leia is dead.

(Sidebar: I know that Chris Terrio has said that some of what followed was intended as Leia mindfuckery, but seeing as a) I hate that, and b) they chose to insert her “death” at the point where she reached out to Ben, I’m ignoring that extra-textual info hashtag walrus).

We get a couple of shocked seconds as Kylo Ren and Rey process. Kylo doesn’t even seem to notice that he has a gaping hole in his torso. Rey looks numb. Neither of them seem aware that the other is present. But then she looks at him and oh- not only is he physically broken, visibly made of the same flesh and bone that she is, but that horror she feels is reflected right back at her.

It’s a moment of parallel, silent grief and shared, binding humanity, and that is what I think leads her to heal him. Suddenly, she can no longer see a monster. She sees only a human being, pitiful, lost and wrecked, someone who meant something to Leia and she to him, and because’s she’s Rey, her compassion and empathy and all her inherent kindness kick in.

And look, this is where I diverge from some of the more critical views on Bendemption and its real-world meaning. Because I don’t think this particular redemption story is really about the rendemptee. This isn’t a story that centres male pain (although there is plenty of it in the ancilliary material and I Do Not Forget Ben Solo’s pain) and it isn’t a story that makes the case for redemption on a man’s inherent “goodness”. In fact Kylo/Ben, his character and rap sheet, don’t really matter in this moment.

What matters is Rey, and the choices she makes when she’s looking into the darkness herself. Her mentor is dead. She’s just won a battle and has sentenced her enemy to death. It would be very easy for her to grab that little slice of darkness she’s been so tempted by this whole time. Salve the wound of her grief with the feeling of power over another. Satiate her loneliness with anger. But she doesn’t. She chooses kindness. She chooses love.

And like, I don’t mean romantic love, shipper though I be. I mean the love that Rey has within her, separate from her idea of justice and completely unrelated to forgiveness or “deserving”.

This love that Rey has for Leia, for the Resistance, for Han, for her vanquished drama queen enemy Kylo Ren, for hot mess Ben Solo, for everyone, is so fucking powerful and redemptive in its own right it needs an executive assistant and its own en suite bathroom. It’s on her face as she weeps uncontrollably as she heals him (and damn, Daisy Ridley absolutely smashed this whole scene), and it’s reflected in his face which is – thank you Adam Driver for this – utterly incredulous that she would give him another chance at life when he knows damn well he isn’t owed one.

That is when she deals the sucker punch. She doesn’t offer him forgiveness. She tells him what he could have had if he hadn’t made his choices. “Ben’s hand” is the hand of someone who chooses the light, commits to it and sacrifices for it. Which means: power and glory isn’t worth her soul, and it shouldn’t be worth his either. That his inner conflict means nothing on its own. That the mere existence of goodness within him would never have been enough for her. Then she leaves.

*screams into a pillow for all eternity*

According to George Lucas, Star Wars has always been about love. And it’s shrouded in this cloak of unconditional human love – and I am not a fan of unconditional love in a relationship context but HOLY FUCK this is the love that counts here – that Ben Solo finds the strength to compartmentalise Kylo Ren and confront the worst thing he’s ever done: the death of his father. And the forgiveness Memory!Han implicitly offers (and it ABSOLUTELY tracks that Han Solo, who canonically cherished his son even after he was murdered by him, would offer him forgiveness, fight me) is what gives him the strength to turn away from the Dark Side, let his anger go and let the churning sea claim his cracked, volatile crossguard.

Leia’s sacrifice, Rey’s compassion and Han’s forgiveness, all powered by love, rebuilt a whole-ass PERSON and that shit is hopeful af. I thought – wow this is GENUINELY UPLIFTING AND MOVING, I hope they don’t fuck it up.

*looks at the camera like I’m in the Office*

Anyway, Ben Solo lives. Peace out.