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#and i felt so bad but also fell in love
maitanii · 1 year
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Instagram reminded me that in this day, five years ago, by some reason I ended up sitting next to the new guy in high school during the first day of school
five years later I have the pleasure of calling him my boyfriend
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goemon-fan · 7 months
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fujigoe
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saturnniidae · 6 months
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"I should've seen the signs" I feel like Stoick was basically reliving the way he lost Valka.
To him, after a lifetime of wanting nothing but to kill a dragon, Hiccup's suddenly and inexplicably changed his mind. To him, Hiccup saying he can't kill them is just like when Valka refused to and tried convincing others as well, then as a result was 'killed' by one herself.
To him, way Hiccup tossed his weapon and shield to the side then approached Hookfang while speaking about how dragons aren't what people think they are probably bares an uncomfortable resemblance to the way Valka put down her weapon and stared a dragon in the eyes and as a result was taken.
To him, attempting to do anything but preemptively defend yourself against a dragon will only end in tragedy, so he has to do anything he can to stop Hiccup before it's too late.
(And just like with Valka, he unintentionally escalated the situation by trying to protect Hiccup but only agitated the dragon, causing it to panic and react, inadvertently putting someone he loves in danger. again)
Stoick of course, wasn't acting rationally, but it makes sense when you think about how traumatizing Valka's 'death' must've been for him (and how much Hiccup reminss him of her); he watched her get taken, presumably killed, and couldn't do anything about it.
#THE PARALLEL GHSSHRBFK THE PARALLELS#'so everything in the ring was a trick? a lie?' he was so elated when he though hiccup was finally taking after him#he convinced himself so hard that This was the real hiccup he's finnaly going to be a proper viking a real member of the tribe#and he was so proud and glad he finally had something he could connect with his son over#but again he'd convinced himself of all that. he completely ignored everything hiccup had to say#in his eagerness to actually be a Family to actually bond with his child#he was so stuck with this fake image of Hiccup the Dragon Slayer he'd convinced himself of to the point#when it all fell through he felt almost betrayed#betrayed and scared#scared he made a horrible irrational and emotionally charged decision of essentially disowning his son#im not saying stoicks a good parent. hes not. but hes trying and alone and taking care of an entire village as well as hiccup#and all the unprocessed trauma and emotional repression#hes not great but hes not bad either. hes trying.#hes trying and its not enough but at least it got better#i love stoick#parents of autistic kids they dont understand moment#httyd#stoick the vast#stoick haddock#hiccup haddock#valka haddock#httyd analysis#maybe?#hiccup horrendous haddock iii#haddock family#moth.txt#also pls dont tell me abt how valka and the 2nd movie wasnt planned yet. ik that but i like expanding on things#and pondering a characters reasoning for certain decisions bc its fun and makes them all the more fascinating#post rewatch 1am thoughts go crazy (sorry if any of this is like redundant or confusing. im tired) if u read the tags ily
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only just processed that luca added the flames to the colander helmet...implicitly b/c of alberto’s “also i added flames” dream vespa design alteration...
#like evidence afterwards that someone was paying real attention even when at the time the other party felt ignored / tuned out....So sweet.#which also my audhd life experiences like. if i learn anyone ever absorbed anything i said it's like oh whoa living large lmao#anyways the point is it only occurred to me the other day lol. like i'd noticed the flames but just didn't piece anything else together#i Love how many like. threads & details you Can piece together like that but are just kind of quietly in the bg otherwise#and fun how everything luca needs for the race is definitely like Somewhere Underwater...colander fell in the sea...bike by the sunken boat#god knows what color situation i fumbled my way into here. so the classic spin of just like Also there's more stripped down versions#who knows if i'll like do more of a full color approach version. they can't stop you. nor stop you from just posting lineart#or stop me from going off the walls w/their tail lengths lol#luca#luberto#lucalberto#😚😚😚#fish freckles you are everything to me...#eta not me forgetting to save the [solid bg color]less pngs as transparent....i was up all night#didn't help w/the color selecting that i'm bad at anytime lol#ok hopefully now they're actually transparent#smhhh now i've realized i forgot a little line to indicate webbing betwixt alberto's fingers there#not as big a deal as how i ALMOST forgot to include any of their arm/leg fins. i'll fix it if i do the [full coloring] deal lol. imagine it#yet another eta: occurs to me i could've made alberto purpler & the bg blue. well;
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mollyrocker · 3 months
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never wishing upon my female mortal enemies to fall in love with your straight girl bsf as it is actually another way to kill yourself
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sciderman · 11 months
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i relate to peter parker because i’ve had six crushes this year alone
damn son save some for the rest of us!!
#sci speaks#i think i've only ever had one crush in my life. wilding. i wish i fell in love easier. it feels wonderful.#oh the people with hyperactive hearts...#i wish i had felt this way at some point when i was younger. it kind of felt like my heart wasn't fully developed yet.#holds my heart in my hands. why were you such a late bloomer. why didn't you feel more things earlier on.#i'm kind of sad that i didn't have teenage crushes or anything. i feel like i missed out.#is it because nobody around me was appealing. or is it because i was too busy on my own planet.#i think i wasn't really close with a lot of people when i was younger. i kind of never came out of my shell.#so nobody got close enough to me for me to like them.#not that it's necessarily how it works. but it takes a lot for me to get there with somebody i think.#i think a lot of the relationships i've been in i'm still To This Day not even sure if i actually liked them back in that way.#squeezes my heart in my hand. why are you so fussy.#i wish i had more experiences under my belt. i really do. but also i don't want to be in situations that are uncomfortable either.#and i don't want to just be there for the sake of it.#lies on the floor and stares at the ceiling. i don't know what i want.#is love the answer?#i don't know. sometimes i want it more than anything. but it's such a ball-ache to get. sometimes you think you're better off without it.#i wish i knew what i wanted. i think i just want to be brave enough to find out.#why do i ramble so much in my tags. it's like tumblr is my therapist or something.#i'm feeling weird about myself lately. just kind of a little tired. i don't feel bad. but kind of perpetually low-energy.#like i never have the time to do things that make me happy. and when i do get the time i don't have the energy.#is this what it's like to live in this world. i need like. a year's break from work. i think.#i need like a year-long vacation. i need a gap year. i need a year to live life.#i wonder if it's financially viable. i think i'd eat through everything i have if i did that. but.#you can get money back. you can't get your time back.
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bpdbunnyy4ngel · 2 months
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#thinkinn abt changing my name#i have thought about it for 3yrs#but honestly.... last year i got so sidetracked and everything in my life fell away#its just that i dont fkn care abt anything#but being in love and filling my life with that#was what happened bc it is what i need and want lol#but now im like ok... back into the empty hollow of my so called life#my id card expires in mid november#so i have to send the application for name change now if i wanna do it#the thing is...#im attached to this name in english#it is nice sounding in english yeah. but in swedish is sounds like absolute garbage#i like the other name i've thought abt changing to foryears. it was what my mom was originally gonna call me#it soyunds better in swedish too#but tbh im also attached to it bc...#idk... feeling like her (that name) with him felt right and sounded right#and i loved that name in his mouth and him calling me that and it was nice and i couldve lived in that forever#but now thats gone#and tbh i cannot stay there all alone while he is gone and had left and is w someone else#i cant like not change my name simply bc it is painful that i will never hear him call me my new name#and i really did feelcomfortable inthat name and being her with him#but im never even gonna hear his voice again#am i just gonna listen to his old voice messages and cry and enjoy him calling me my name#while he has left and is in lobve with someone else#and is calling her HER name. no. i cant#i wanna cry just thinking abt that. i dont wanna let him or us go#but he made that choice for me and i cannot do anything abt it#no matter how fkn bad it hurts. how much i dont want to#im gonna have to move on and live my boring empty ass life without him lol#so yeah.. i should change my name
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moinsbienquekaworu · 6 months
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How have I been in fandom for - going on 8 years (?) and not gotten into fanvids before?? All the association I could have been making.... All the memories.... All the composition and clever editing....
#going a little bit insane frankly#it's been about a month of absolute and utter mcu frenzy in my brain and i'm. vibrating#truly feels like some kind of intense fever at times#i've rewatched talitha78's set fire to the rain vid so many times it entrances me#it's to the point where every time i see that shot of loki grabbing mjolnir i hear 'you rose to claim it'#btw hello 13 years late to the party but like. 20 seconds in and i felt like that vid unlocked something in my artist brain#no because the lyrics are 'i let it fall / my heart / and as it fell / you rose to claim it' right#and so she puts clips of thor being banished and losing mjolnir and then loki trying to grab it#which. the interaction between the song and the video making mjolnir thor's heart.... not even 20 seconds!!#it's so clean to me#it's like when i actually took a good look at bill cipher's design and realised he had such expressive potential#and i had to do like a page of doodles about it#in 20 seconds that fanvid from 2011 made me want to make animatics so so bad#which btw i watched it partly because a fic i liked cited it as an inspiration#and partly because i looked at the dates#and realised that the creator put it out like not even two weeks after the movie came out??#absolutely insane. i love this so much#this is like having a family heirloom in your hands#grandma lending me the necklace she wore to her first date with grandpa for my anniversary dinner or something#i have just entered a new fandom and the fans who were here before are showing me what it was like when they'd just arrived too#the sacred texts and such also#anyway. man i love fandom.#wow i have a ramble tag now
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queeriboh · 6 months
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right before somebody I'm not friends w anymore started streaming ygo episodes ic w their rp blog, I had this weird dumb dream where I went into some new age shop w crystals and stuff and they had a replica of the millennium ring in a glass case and the owner and I joked about it, but the entire thing gave me this weird sense of nostalgia when I woke uo that when that ex-friend was like I'm going to stream ygo!!!!! like less than 2 weeks later it felt Right enough to tip my toes back into the waters of it
and then just about when we were done w duelist kingdom, yugioh and seto kaiba were both suddenly trending tags on here and I went "holy shit its not just a joke, people actually still like ygo" and here we are
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amethysttribble · 2 years
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Gotten to C3 finally! I’ve enjoyed the first 2 1/2 episodes I’ve watch, but I’ll admit, the sheer amount of negativity I’ve seen surrounding it has made me almost… jumpy, I suppose?
Like I’m waiting to see what makes it the ‘bad’ campaign
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kn11ves · 1 year
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idk what it is with me and women but they just flock to me in my time of need. 5 seconds ive been in a room and they want to tie my shoelaces for me they wanna help me do things they want to give me advice and make sure im okay i what
#i wish i was kdiding#I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH IT!#btw im not talking about like. older women although that also happens to me#im talking about girls my age theyll just go to me like im a helpless baby bird if i need something#its not even my cane either because even when i have to do things without it (like my danza folkorica) they still wanna help me#like im so fr first day i showed up a girl tied my shoelaces TWICE and THEN drove me to my dorm afterwards with the rest of her friends i#mean that was so nice#idk what i activate in them but they always wanna help me out its so particular to me#and like. listen ok today we are learning a dance from sinaloa and to be short about it one of the moves is bending your back really far &#i was doing it wrong and bending badly and i ''nearly fell'' multiple times#except see i would never have fallen bc i have been so used to living without a cane until now that i know how to catch myself and im very#yk. good at not falling so i dont embarass myself#but it LOOKS very much like i am about to fall and at least THREE times the president was like ''oh my god ivan are you okay??''#i spooked her so bad i felt bad😭😭#its bc km always in front when shes teaching bc i wanna see her n others r too scared to be up front#and anyways what i was on about literally i was visibly struggling and EVERYONE IM NOT EXAGERARINF ALL THE GIRLS (well there was only one#other guy there but) STARTED GIVING ME ADVICE AND TRTING TO HELP ME one girl moved all the way accross her spot to mine and help guide me#shes so nice i hesrt her her name is charisma bro imagine your name being CHARM and she is charming :> very nice#it feels weird calling her my friend bc well we r all friends in a sense as we r clubmmates but. U Know#long rant TLDR women love me#dont tell them im afraid of them
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aroaessidhe · 1 year
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2023 reads // twitter thread    
The Battle Drum
sequel to The Final Strife, a queer Ghanian/Arabian high fantasy world where people are divided by blood colour
the nightly hurricanes are getting more deadly, and Sylah travels to unknown lands to discover the truth and find help
meanwhile Anoor is trying to manage her new political position while framed for a murder she didn’t commit
#The Battle Drum#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#okay I do feel similarly about this as I did the first one...really love a lot of what’s going on I just feel like some of the structure/plo#plot focus could b better#like the first one fell back on the generic competition framework which I felt was meh....this one does that a bit with murder mystery#it had a cool  in-universe summary of book 1#something about the politics/past/worldbuiling feels…I wanted some more connection or complexity or something?#or maybe i just expect more from adult fantasy#anoor's naivety got a little frustrating at time#like the murderer was pretty obvious#I love: cool new cities! glass city! MUSHROOM CITY#when sylah sees a camel and describes it in the most 'weird unknown fantasy creature' kind of way#I still find zines weirdly anachronistic.......when magazines don't exist in the world...#but I can give that a pass I guess#there's also an aroace side character (has some POV) who I have......mixed feelings about?#an interesting complex character but also. is SA'd for years before she finally decides t kill her husband#then becomes an antagonistic cult leader#I don't think that's INHERENTLY a bad thing; but idk; why was that a choice? maybe she'll be redeemed (for lack of a better word) next book#anyway all of these critiques are very much like. this has the potential to be in my favourite kind of books ever and doesn't QUITE reach my#expectations..........so like it is very good. I just ahhhhh want slightly more/different things#oh also jond and kitten was good. I still hate him for being the perpertrator of my Least Favourite Trope but. he has a baby kitten....#wait i should also mention the plot twist of who the person is is pretty good#didn't figure that one out#but going back through highlight notes i was like oh...there was clues...
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tambourineophelia · 1 year
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dating continues to be awful (not because of them but because of me) but I maybe figured out that unfortunately I do connect a lot a lot over sharing music and literature and culture and that explains a lot but also doesn't help in this situation with a person who asked me "who again is patti smith?"
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puppy-the-mask · 2 years
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So I've been thinking about Stratum; Alternate Route and I usually think about Ave and the kids but I haven't really expanded on how her loved ones might feel. Like just imagine you’re Rant for a minute, You’re 15 and you’ve lived isolated for the last 2 or so years in a heavily boobytrapped house with only your older brother who only visits sporadically due to his work (who you can’t even leave the house with in case someone sees you two together, for your own safety) and your best friend through those 2 years, a Human who has to leave regularly but has a scheduled visiting routine that you look forward to and rely on- walking with her being one of the only allowances for you to leave the house(Mutt didn’t let him at first but Rant was very convincing and wouldn’t give up- threatening to start telling people he was Mutt’s little brother and other such things until he relented, though he was totally already doing it regardless- he just didn’t feel bad about it after getting Mutt’s approval ^w^). 
And then she suddenly stops showing up
Rant Spirals
He’s trapped alone with his thoughts and wonders what he did wrong, if she’s mad at him- even though she seemed normal when she left, maybe something came up? Maybe she’s just late? It gets BAD, days pass, then weeks, then a full month passes until eventually once he’s cried all his tears and screamed his voice raw and is just so utterly exhausted- for the first time he feels resentment for his once best friend- in the second month resentment becomes hatred as he decides that she’s left him. He doesn’t know why but she abandoned him just like he’d feared- part of him whispers it’s his own fault but deep down he just knows It’s All Her Fault. She’s the one that fucked up, leaving him behind is gonna be the worst decision she’s ever made. And he’ll never forgive her for that. 
A year passes more lonely than ever, his resentment hardening into a hard shell around his soul that makes it easier to keep others away. He still gets quiet when he remembers that this time of the month is when Ave would stop by but he’s starting to stop noticing- only really feeling the stings of hurt when it hits the month she first left him. Mutt vows to rip her apart for what she’s done to his brother, stealing the vibrancy he used to exude despite the circumstances.
And then a froggit shows up at his doorstep
This Froggit immediately starts questioning him- but when he retreats and lets the traps do their work he finds that- while the first dusted- more take it’s place as his home is invaded by a wave of small froggits, all led by a lone distorted figure. A Froggit on two legs wearing a cloak of black feathers, just like Ave used to wear. And when it finally stands before him, looming over him as he cowers in the corner, it demands that he tell it where it’s sister is. The conversation that ensues Guts Him
Ave has been Missing for the last year and despite Anty looking high and low, sending their froggits to every corner of the underground and the forested mountain above they can’t find her. And now they need help, anything he knows about her whereabouts or any possible leads- or if he’s had her stowed away somewhere running from her responsibilities to her family. Which is what Anty had initially assumed, begrudgingly stating that if she had run anywhere down here, she’d run to him. And boy doesnt that sting? He’d honestly assumed the worst of her and come to find out she hadn’t abandoned him- she’d been taken… She’d Been Taken From Him. the words ring in his head as he numbly stared for a minute- letting it all process as the burning fury he’d felt at her betrayal is suddenly doused in gasoline. All that hatred and rage is now put towards a new purpose, making whoever Dared to steal his best friend away from him Regret They Were Ever Born. He decides that the only way to make up for all the time spent hating her rather than searching he has to be the one to find her. He has to save her or he can never forgive himself, he sometimes wonders what she’s doing at that moment as he falls asleep. He hopes she can sleep well but that same part that before had blamed him for her loss tells him that the longer he spends in bed the more she’s hurt, that at any moment he could lose her forever if she’s not already dead. And a secret third part tries to convince him that she really did run away, that Anty and the rest of her family were abandoned too- who in their right mind would stay underground when they could just walk through the barriers to freedom? It whispers that it’d be so much easier to hate her again than grieve her loss a second time
#Stratum; Alternate Route#Rant(oc)#Purpfell!Sans#casual conversation#Genuinely- Rant is one of my favorite characters to psychoanalyze#there's just so much to him#he's a sweet ball of unhealthy coping mechanisms and i just wanna hold his hand- tenderly smooch the corner of his socket and say#'babygirl you've got issues'#'you are not mentally stable'#it's ok though we can get through this together#he's both relieved when he sees her again but their relationship will never be the same#they've both changed too much#they'll still love each other again- just in new ways that fit them better#and he's also devastated to see the state she's in after Fell's experiments#whenever she starts to open up about what happened to her he literally can't be there for her- he has to leave the room he just can't-#handle it#he knows it's shitty of him- not being there for his best friend after a life changing traumatic event because of his own guilt#but any mention of the labs makes him want to throw up- he feels selfish but Ave assures him it's okay and he can see in her soul she doesn#'t blame him- he can see it hurts a bit but she doesn't blame him which just kinda makes it worse#he wishes she would- he still feels bad about hating her but even if she found out (from Mutt) how he'd felt after her disappearance#she still wouldn't hate him#she's become a much calmer person- compared to what she went through everything else just seems inconsequential. And it's not like Rant had#any way of Knowing what had happened to her- she rationalizes it and just can't bring herself to hate someone she so genuinely loves#memories of him are some of the only things that kept her going- he was one of the things she lived for#Spite may be a powerful tool but without the right motivation what's the point? How is she going to survive to spite the world if there's#nothing in it to drive her to want to keep living?#other than to annoy fell but that gave out a year or so in when the pain outweighed the satisfaction of seeing him annoyed at her continued#existence- she played it up like that was her only source but really she wanted to see her family- she wanted to show the kids how a real#older sibling treated their little brothers- she wanted to live for the people she loved#and she'd be damned if she let anything- especially this cocky ass toothpick- stop her from completing her goals
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llycaons · 2 years
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I saw crazy rich asians and I liked some of it but it also felt kind of colorist and the magnitude of ostentatious wealth was borderline nauseating. awkwafina was incredibly annoying even if I didn't know about her antiblackness. loved the twist at the end tho and I was definitely like 👀 about the 'family doesn't say thank you' line
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estbela · 9 months
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Okay so my brain decided that it's thinking about robul time right now
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