#like evidence afterwards that someone was paying real attention even when at the time the other party felt ignored / tuned out....So sweet.

[ichthyorelationships]

only just processed that luca added the flames to the colander helmet...implicitly b/c of alberto’s “also i added flames” dream vespa design alteration...

[doctorho]

thinking about viktor with a chronically ill reader. you know? we see the vision, right?

it just works.

the thing with chronic pain, illnesses, disabilities, all of that - is that you can't always see them. sometimes you can, sure, you can see the mobility aids and the not-standing-up-for-too-long and the bruising from blood draws and sometimes you can see the compression garments, the pills and inhalers and the i'm fine, i just need a moment-

but most people just don't pay attention to that. or if they do, they don't put the pieces together fast enough to figure out what's really going on under the surface. viktor does, though; he's been there, and most of the time he's way beyond hiding it. or, well, he's way beyond hiding some of it.

walking with a cane was like carrying a neon sign that said yes there is something different here. yes i can't walk the way you can. no it's not going to get better. that last part wasn't directly evident just from him using a cane, sure, but with the way his cane looked, it should've been pretty clear. He had used one practically forever and it had evolved with him, he'd made it as comfortable to use as it could be, had even made it match his uniform.

so yeah. viktor knew what it was like. he'd been the disabled kid forever, even if some of the others were never going to say it out loud. that was just a thing about him, and he knew how hard it could be to navigate something like that in an academic environment. it was hard to admit you couldn't do something, that you had to sit down, that you needed a moment. that sometimes your body was just falling apart for no particular reason and it was just another tuesday.

sometimes it was easier to sit with the pain than take medication in the middle of a meeting, knowing that someone would make a bigger deal out of it than it had to be, even if it was just raising their eyebrows meaningfully. they'd think about you differently afterwards.

he could see you push through it, and he didn't blame you, really, he did that himself, too, but - he didn't want you to hurt yourself. you hadn't been in the lab as long as he had, so he could understand you being a little cautious with how you acted and what you told people, but he didn't want you to feel like you had to put on a show for him. he was, after all, walking around with the equivalent of a light-up sign of i'm disabled, too, and he liked to think of himself as someone who wouldn't come off as judgemental about stuff like that. other stuff, sure, stupid stuff, but not that.

so when he sees you dealing with the telltale signs of being in pain, he conveniently sends jayce and the others to pick up some parts that would take a while to collect and that they wouldn't actually need until the next day. but better prepared, right? what's the harm.

and then he comes to sit next to you and sighs deeply. leans back. relaxes to the best of his abilities. asks if you're alright, and sounds like he already knows the answer.

you sigh too, shift your position, and answer with it's fine. and viktor recognizes the strain in your voice, in your posture, and he knows there's a key difference between this and i'm fine, but he'll take it. it's not what he'd like, but he'll take it.

he leans over to dig around his belongings, and then offers you a bag of candied almonds.

"if you're going to take pain killers, it's better if you eat something first," he says, and you just stare at him. "i assume you haven't taken anything yet. nothing strong enough, at least," he continues, casually, and you take a deep breath and accept the almonds.

he smiles. continues like this is totally normal. "jayce made me start carrying around some food so i could do that. for myself, i mean. but it doesn't hurt to have some snacks around either way, i suppose."

he knows he's skirting around the real topic of the conversation, but he also knows that sometimes people get uncomfortable around his bluntness, and you hadn't exactly told him you were in pain, so he'd understand it if you were a little weirded out. after all, most people didn't notice this stuff. but you haven't run away from him, and you're eating, and then you're digging around your own bag to take your medication, so he'll count this as a win.

thanks, you exhale, handing back the almonds, and he takes a handful of them himself.

"i'm fine, really," you continue, not really looking at him, "it's just hard sometimes."

he nods. it was - even if he didn't know the specifics, he knew that it was true. especially since you had been hiding it from the others. and with something like that, something the others couldn't see, the invisible step to let them see it would grow bigger and bigger with time, when they expected you to be able to do everything they did without a second thought.

he also knows you didn't mean fine in the dictionary definition sense of the word, but more in the this is normal and you don't need to worry -sense. and that's fine. he was used to functioning on different parameters than most people, so this version of fine was good enough.

my body just isn't always very reliable, you explain with a sigh, and that he knows better than well.

he hmms in answer and nods. he knows.

you exhale a small laugh at that.

and he's glad you're relaxing, wants you to be as comfortable here as possible.

"these people are alright," he says casually, "as far as healthy people go."

viktor smiles a little.

another win for him.

and then he sits with you, talking and not talking and enjoying the quiet comfort if it all. and then he makes up some excuse so you don't have to keep working yet. he was well aware what it was like trying to work through the pain, waiting for the medication to kick in, and he wouldn't exactly recommend it. besides, as a rule, you were more likely to make mistakes if you were thinking through a layer of pain, and that was just plain bad planning. it made much more sense to just take a break and continue when you felt better. in fact, he was in dire need of a caramel latte and a pastry right now, do you want anything?

and after that it just... sort of falls into place. you're more relaxed around him. and the others, too, but he's the only one that really gets it. doesn’t make a whole thing out of it when you need to sit down for a moment or take a break while your pain killers kick in. he's just there.

he knows what it's like, and that feels like an invisble curtain lifted from between you and him, and it's just easy. you don't have to pretend you're doing better than you actually are and he doesn’t hide it when he's in pain, either.

most people don't see it, but there's a mutual understanding there; yeah, sometimes life sucks and sometimes you're in pain and no it's not fair that sometimes your body is falling apart and life just keeps going. you can't do all the things you want to do but you still have to show up for the other life-stuff and if you took a day off every time you felt bad you would never get anything done and it just never stops.

but sometimes there's someone who'll sit through it with you without judgement. offer a warm drink and a snack and some understanding.

[leoslosttoolbelt]

Valdangelo Coffee Shop AU

Nico pushes the door to the cafe open, body relaxing because of the sudden warmth. 

The cafe is mostly empty - which is exactly why Nico comes here every Wednesday at 8pm, almost no seats are taken and he can study in silence for 2 hours. There’s Hazel doing something behind the bar but Nico can’t see any of the other workers - another plus in his open. 

He sits at his usual corner table, the one with the best view, before he goes up to the bar to order. 

“Hey,” He greets his cousin easily. “Can I have a mocha - with extra chocolate?” 

Hazel frowns at his request, “You won’t be able to sleep if you have coffee this late. I’ll make you a cup of Lavender tea.” 

Nico grumbles but fishes out some money to pay anyway. The only downside of coming to a cafe that his cousin worked at was that didn’t exactly care about customer satisfaction, not when she made Nico try whatever she wanted him to drink instead of his order. 

A small price to pay for a quiet study spot. 

He opens his laptop and gets comfortable in his seat when somebody - who is evidently not Hazel - places a cup of tea in front of him. 

Leo. 

Another reason why he comes to the cafe at this time. 

Leo’s almost always working the closing shift and Nico uses his study breaks to argue with the boy about any topic under the sun or to silently watch him work, sweeping the floors or making drinks for the lone customer. 

He was secretly hoping that Leo would be sick or something today - he really needs to get this assignment completed as soon as possible and he can’t really work with Leo being - well with Leo being Leo. 

He moves like a flame, drawing everyone’s attention no matter what he’s doing. His movements are always so fluid and relaxed, something about him makes someone as anxious as Nico feel relaxed. 

Nico swears he’s magic with the machines in the shop. He knows exactly how to get the best espresso pull from the old coffee machine and the milk is always just perfect when he’s the one in charge of the steamer. Even Hazel has talked about how Leo can fix their oven in a matter of minutes - it’s like everything in the shop just calls for him. 

But the real reason why Nico thinks that Leo shouldn’t be here is because above all else he’s distracting. He’s always in Nico’s business - asking him about his day and making jokes that make Nico lose his page when he’s reading. One day Leo spoke to Nico for a full half hour - and Nico couldn’t focus for a full day afterwards - his mind replaying all of Leo’s words like some kind of broken record. 

So really, he couldn’t afford to have Leo around tonight. 

“Hazel’s gone home.” He grins down at Nico, showing off his dimples and impish smile. “I’ll be closing up today.” 

Nico hums, he hopes Leo can’t see the red on his ears. “I mean, there’s two hours till you close.” 

“Yep - but you’re our only customer.” 

Nico looks around the cafe, Leo’s right. He’s the only one inside - now that he thinks about it, he’s usually the only one inside. 

It comes out before he has the chance to stop himself. “Y’all will go out of business at this rate - I can’t be your only customer for so long.” 

Leo rolls his eyes, but he doesn’t respond with a snarky comment today. He looks to the ground - cheeks flushed, is he embarrassed? 

Nico suddenly feels guilty about his comment, he really doesn’t know how well the cafe actually is but he really hopes they won’t have to close down soon - it’s Nico’s safe space as much as he hates to admit it. 

“An empty cafe just means I get to spend time with my favourite customer.” The barista teases, never one to let Nico have the last word. 

Nico groans. He really has to finish this assignment. 

“I’ll give you five dollars if you leave me alone,” he reaches for a wallet and hands Leo the money - who doesn’t even argue before pocketing the bill and disappearing with a wink. 

Nico gets 20 minutes of work done before Leo reappears again. 

This time he has a cup of coffee in one hand and a pastry in the other. 

He wordlessly places them on the table and wordlessly picks up the untouched cup of Lavender tea. 

“What’s this?” Nico asks. 

Leo shrugs. “On the house - made you a mocha since you hate tea.” 

There’s a beat of silence. “Don’t even know why you ordered tea if you barely touched it. Some old lady wouldv’e loved this, yknow?” 

Nico’s too flustered to tell Leo that Hazel made that tea for him. 

Leo knows his favourite coffee.

Leo also knows that he hates tea. 

Leo also willingly made him food after Nico shooed him away. 

He should really thank him. 

Nico looks up at the boy, blinking like an idiot. 

“I gave you five dollars to leave me alone, didn’t I?” 

Leo shrugs. Nico wants to crawl up in a hole and die. 

“5 dollars gets you twenty minutes of silence - besides, I used it to make you coffee so it doesn’t count anymore.” 

“So,” Nico quirks his head. “It wasn’t on the house.” 

 “Well that depends…” Leo says, Nico can practically feel his smirk forming. “What does that phrase even mean? Everything is on the house if you really think about it.” 

“What does that even mean?” Nico starts to ask but Leo’s gone once again, disappearing just as fast as he came here. 

Huh. 

Leo only comes back once after that, to take away his empty cups and plates. Nico’s a little disappointed that he didn’t stay and talk but it’s for the better - he really needs to work on his paper.

He works for another forty five minutes before deciding that’s enough for the day. 

Quickly, he packs up and walks to the coffee bar, hopefully Leo isn’t doing anything too important right now. 

And there he is, sitting behind the bar and playing SubWay surfers. 

“Didn’t know you were allowed to have your phone out on the clock.” He greets, Leo meets his eyes with his usual dimpled grin - effectively killing the little character on his screen. 

“Depends on what you mean by ‘On the clock,” He says, motioning around them. 

Nico looks around the cafe - Leo’s words falling into place as he takes in the cafe for the 10th time this week probably. 

It’s empty. 

Spotless. 

The clock only reads 9:30 pm which would mean that there’s half an hour till closing time - but all the tables have chairs stacked up on top of them and all the machines are basically spotless. The floors have already been sweeped and all the cups are nicely stacked in the cupboards - and that’s when Nico sees it, the shops ‘Open’ sign is facing the inside. 

They’re closed. 

He pieces everything together. Why the cafe is always so empty when Nico arrives, why Hazel is almost always just on her way out and Leo’s the only worker left. Why Leo cleans up while Nico’s still inside the cafe and why he’s usually fooling around or doing homework instead of his actual job. 

“The cafe is closed.” 

Leo smiles, slinging his already packed bag over his shoulders. “Cafes don’t really stay open till 10 pm y’know?” 

“Then why…” Nico trails off, eyes trained on Leo. 

The boy in front of him shrugs, once again avoiding Nico’s gaze like he’s embarrassed. “We usually close at 8, but Hazel said you like studying when it’s quiet and I don’t really mind.” 

“I usually just clean up and finish up my own work while you study - so really it’s not really that big of a deal, and I asked my boss Reyna about it and she said to do whatever as long as I get the shop closed so-” Leo starts to ramble, looking more flustered by the second. 

“Hey!” Nico interrupts, for the first time this month he thinks that maybe he thinks about him in the same way Nico thinks about him. Or maybe he’s secretly insane and has no friends. Either way - no one’s gone out of their way to do something like this for him before. 

“Maybe you can close up for real this time and then tell me about why you keep open so late after that.” 

Leo blinks at him. Then he smiles again, this time he’s shy. “Are you asking me to walk you home?” 

Nico shrugs. “Only if you give me 5 dollars.” 

That makes Leo bark out a laugh, “We can go outside - I’ve got the keys and my bag already.” 

Nico hums, following Leo and watching as he closes the shop for the night - despite it being so late his body was buzzing with excitement. He’s not quite sure if it’s from the coffee or Leo - maybe both. 

And then Leo turns around from the door with a toothy grin and - yeah Nico’s realised why he’s feeling jittery now. 

[cochineal-tanto]

BSD X reader insert!

-This is going to be different from the other stories. It's obviously a different fandom, but I'd like to point out there are no ships. (That follow through at least)

-There is a bit of Dazai X reader.

Warnings: SH mention, death, etc, reader has SH scars btw, but that's not the focus.

--------------------------------------------------

--------------------------------------------------

How long have you been here?

Every object around you has been observed more than once. You saw the cracks, crevices and dried grey paint on the walls. You traced the white desk in front of you in boredom, metal clanging as you moved your hand.

Your hands mimicked a person, making your two fingers walk along the table. Nails made a high-pitched sound as they collided. Your fingers did a little dance, then they turned.

"How long is this going to take." You said to no-one in particular. Your eyes followed your fingers, watching how they moved along.

A breath came out of your mouth as you slouched in the metal chair. Your head resting on the back-rest.

"Sit back up Y/N L/N. No time for slouching."

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head and slouched even more.

"You try being in a sticky cell. Do you even clean those walls?" You pointed behind you.

"Normally it's a lot worse. Blood doesn't come off easily."

"Have you tried baking soda and vinegar? It sounds like bogas, but it works on mine." You smiled coolly at his attempt to scare you.

He rolled his eyes in response and crossed his arms. Probably an attempt to recover his fragile ego. You watched him glance down the long hall.

"Why the chains anyway?" You asked, making conversation. He didn't turn to you.

"Real mature, Akutagawa."

You heard the door clang, opening to reveal Mori. Your frown becomes more evident. Now you're paying attention to your heart, to keep it from distracting you. Your breathing changes to a more composed state. Minimal oxygen going into your lungs.

You're scared of him. Hearing what he has done to former Port Mafia members, and current ones, made you aware of his presence more.

When you walked into the building, you kept your walls up. Even with your mask covering, your eyes searched every corner, every trace he has made. In order to avoid him.

Now you can't escape. You're locked in here. With him in front of you.

"Y/N L/N..." He dragged your name as if it was the worst slur known. His creepy smile didn't faze you, it was the soulless eyes that got you.

The true eyes of a psychopath.

Dead.

No matter how much he smiled, how much he hid them, you could see those eyes.

You tried your best to preserve yourself, but your heart rate was increasing. This made you lift your head a little and breath a bit more than you monitored.

His smile contorted.

Fuck.

You felt your throat run dry, your neck twitched as you tried to get that hydration back.

"I want to assign you...with a very important mission." He spoke at a slower pace, so you understood every word he said.

"And what would that be." You quickly composed yourself afterwards, hearing the slight nerves in your voice.

He turned his head slightly, his hair slowing with it.

"I want you to capture him."

He slid a picture close to you, you lifted your wrists, with chains, and turned the picture around. Your eyes shot open as you looked back up at him.

"Alive." He stood up with both hands on the table. His chair screeched back from his movement.

"Fail, and this will be your last mission." His face fell as he spoke those last words. Your eyes fell back on the picture, doubts filled your mind.

------------------------------------

A week passed you quicker than expected. Every day, and night, you searched. You infiltrated highly restricted areas, had co-workers hack systems to get records. You had people who 'knew' people search. Soon, a majority of the Port Mafia were searching.

At this point, it was obvious what was happening. Everyone knew the Mafia was searching for someone, but no-one knew who. The mere fact that so many valuable people were risking their lives to even sneak a glance at him, shows he's dangerous.

You were taught to never underestimate your enemies, no matter how pathetic their reputation or records were. This person, you already knew he figured you out.

You knew he caught on by day one. Even though you never saw him, it doesn't mean he hasn't seen you. If the area was clear, you felt a pair of eyes follow. You felt his eyes and it scared you.

If the choice was up to you, he should have been the leader of the Port Mafia. His expression put Mori's to shame, made Akutagawas power look weak. If anyone were to underestimate him, god be with them.

"Any progress?"

"None so far."

"Sector A is clear."

"Nothing here either, L/N." Akutagawas voice responded, you let out a groan of annoyance.

You turned from the buildings foundation, and walked to the other side. You glanced across the men you had on the streets.

"Bloody hell."

"What? What is it?"

"This man is difficult to find." You sighed, until your ears picked something up. You walk to the sound and peak over the alleyway beneath you. A flash of white shot up in front of you, causing you to flail back.

"On me!" You shouted into the microphone, rolled back and shot up at the light.

"Weretiger!" You informed neighbouring authorities of who it was, and they surrounded the rooftops.

He shot at you quicker than you could register. His eyes were a fearsome yellow, distorted face resembling a tiger. His arms were huge compared to his body.

You dodged toward the ground, rolling to prevent impact. His punch collided with the cement roof, making a massive crater.

"Ignore him, our focus is the target!" You shouted, but they disobeyed and engaged with the Weretiger.

"I have Dazai!" Akutagawas voice rang through your earpiece, making you wince.

"No the hell you don't!"

"What?!"

"Why would he make himself evident to you of all people?! He hates you!" You shouted, now running across rooftops towards his location.

"Explain to me why there's an Armed Detective Agency van here!" He shouted back at you.

"Where is here?!"

"The docks you idiot! That's where you told me to search!"

"What?!" Your eyes widened at the words, stress overflowing in you.

"Akutagawa get out of there! It's a trap!" You vaulted over a railing, edging closer to the docks.

"And how would you know?"

"Because I didn't fucking tell you to search the docks! I told you to-"

A massive explosion cuts you off, fire and smoke colliding in a cloud. Debre flung everywhere, metal crashing on nearby rooftops and on the road. Some crashed onto cars, blood splashed onto windshields.

Your heart stops at the sight. Fire reflecting in your eyes.

"I told you back at the base where you should search. I told you-!" You turned and pointed at Akutagawa, who landed a few seconds before.

"-that this would happen! And what do you do?! You ignore my warnings and do it anyway! How fucking ignorant do you have to be-!"

A black and red rope coils around your neck, taking the air out of you.

"Listen and listen carefully." He brought your body towards him forcefully, almost flinging you.

"You are not the boss of me. You have no choice in what I do. Talk to me like that again and I'll rip your head off." He glared into your eyes, your bodies close.

"Do it then." You spat at him.

"Akutagawa!" You heard someone shout from the distance, he let go of you and copped a hit from a white flash.

Akutagawa and the Weretiger flung into the taller building neighbouring the one you stood on. The glass windows shattering upon impact. Akutagawa then uses his ability to wrap him up, like he did to you, and threw him near you.

He crashed next to you, but gained his composure from the impact.

"What have you done with Dazai?!" He shouted up at him.

"I have done nothing to him!"

"Don't play dumb with me! Where is he?!"

A pause ran through the air, your eyes wandered in front of you, then you looked up at Akutagawa. He hung onto the building and peered down at you.

"We don't know where he is." You spoke up, Atsushi looked at you, still in his tiger form.

Akutagawa flew over to you and Atsushi and landed next to you. His hands planted into his coat pockets.

"If you two didn't take him, then who did?" Atsushi asked, panicked.

"Any reported sights of Dazai?" You called into your earpiece. Silence.

"Hello?"

"Hey! Answer me!" You shouted.

"Don't shout in my ear!" Akutagawa shouted at you.

"We need to find our men." You stated. Running off from the two.

________________________________________________________________________

Another day of nothing. No evidence, no leads, not even a trace. The men that were sent out to assist were injured, fortunately, only thirteen were killed. Not that their lives didn't matter to you. You've become so used to violence, that you don't shed a tear for a life lost.

The only exception, of course, is someone you loved.

You connected your music to the speaker. In the living room, lived a beautiful vintage coffee table. The rooms style is straight out of a 60s film. It had character, which you loved dearly. Your entire house did in fact.

However, you did have a modern touch to it as well. The kitchen counter tops were a nice marble, but you made up for it with antiques you decided would look good on the counter.

The ceiling lights were almost never used unless you wanted to take a picture. You used candles, lamps, anything besides that dreadful, blinding white light.

Every time you entered your home, you felt like a different person. You entered your souls home, the place of comfort.

The speaker begins playing your favourite hits, erupting into the lounge room. It wasn't too loud to bother neighbours, but enough to let them know you were having a damn good time.

You were already in your comfort clothes, dancing along to the music. You twirled, spun and did questionable movements. Your skills didn't matter as the music flowed within you like your own blood.

At a particular part of your playlist, you sang to your heart's desire. Why let your body hog the music and not let your heart speak?

You weren't tone deaf at all, matching the notes to a decent extent. You couldn't reach higher notes, so you didn't bother and let the music back into your body.

Now you were preparing dinner, stove heating and you're still grooving. You laid your ingredients out.

You needed this, to let loose. The Port Mafia and Armed Detective Agency gave you stress over the past few weeks, even more so in the past one. No-one bothered you when you were home.

Well they tried to, but outside of work hours you did not answer texts. The exception being your boss, since you were scared of him. Maybe scared isn't the correct word, you were wary of him.

The pan sizzled from the food you put in, and while you were waiting, you chopped up some vegetables to go with your dinner. A variety of nutrients was needed in such a cruel job.

"Having fun?"

...

You stopped chopping the carrot you were on. No-one has ever been in your apartment before, what the hell do you do?

You gripped the knife, and threw it directly at where the voice came from. It sliced through the air, twirling like a windmill. The person moved it's head slightly, amused.

"Don't look so shocked, what did you expect?" Dazai smiled at you.

What the hell was he doing here?

Your mind went from 'why is this strange man that I'm after in my home' to 'the foods burning'. You quickly turned back around, grabbing the spatula in a panic to turn the food in your pan. In the midst, you turned to him, still in the same place.

He didn't try anything, he just stayed in that area. You grabbed your sauces in a rush and threw them in. It was still the same amount, but your body was almost in shock.

"What do you want, exactly?" You asked, breaking the tension.

"Is it so wrong to talk with a former co-worker?" He asked.

You sighed, turning off the stove. The sizzling stopped as you moved the pan away from the hot element.

"Don't answer my question with a question. What do you want?" You repeated, walking towards the higher cupboards where your plates are.

"Tell me, L/N, where would I find the replicated documents of my...time at the Port Mafia?"

"You came to me to ask that? I don't have access to those documents."

"Oh, but you do. You may not have the direct permission, but you know exactly where they are. Mm, why may that be?"

You stopped plating your food on the counter. He was now on your couch, looking at you with an unreadable expression.

"I'm not surprised you know. Who would be at this point."

"Why do you want to leave the Port Mafia, L/N?"

You listened to your playlist in the background, trying to ignore his question. He has ruined your entire mood. So much for letting loose.

"I would much rather have this conversation in a more...safe location." You stated, making a quick glance at the camera in the corner of your living room.

He didn't say anything, but grabbed your phone and turned up the volume. He did so hidden from the camera.

"He can still see us, you know that right?" You asked with sarcasm.

"Mm, how would that be solved?" He stood up from your couch, grabbed his gun and shot the camera quicker than you could figure out what was happening.

"Why the hell would you do that in my house?!" You yelled.

"The music covered the sound, relax." He stated, placing the gun back into its socket. You were gobsmacked.

"You still shot a bullet in my house!"

"You have also shot bullets into people's heads, what's the difference?" He asked, looking at you.

"...My antiques are expensive."

________________________________________________________________________

You walked into the familiar hallways of the Port Mafia building. Your suit on you like a glove, highlighting your physique. The mask covered your mouth and nose.

Your thoughts retracted back to yesterday. It was a very eventful day, much more than others. The search, the Weretiger, the explosion of a docks complex and of course Dazai on your couch.

It was a hard thing to process.

The only thing you had to worry about today is to completely avoid Mori, under any and all circumstances. He would have seen the video, and probably heard the beginning of yours and Dazais conversation.

It was probably Dazais intention to let Mori eavesdrop. Not that you would complain, he was right that you hated the Port Mafia.

The mere idea of Mori interrogating you made you nervous. This was the last thing you wanted from the Port Mafia boss.

The clicks of your shoes echoed in the hallway you walked. You had to act normal. Mori didn't hear the importance of the discussion, your plans. However, he did hear Dazai say:

"Why do you want to leave the Port Mafia, L/N." His smile showed that his plan was for Mori to hear that specific part. He set you up for today. You knew he would pull such a thing, but this did benefit you.

It dropped the hint you held onto for the past four years.

Didn't change the fact he could murder you at any point in these hallways.

You walked through the building as per routine. The rooms are coming into view. It would be wrong to call them individual dorm rooms, but it was more of a closet.

You already had your gear on you, it's placed in your home. The only reason you didn't want to use the provided closets is because certain people like to snoop.

Your guns were way too valuable for some pesky guy to put his hands on. It cost you a lot of heads.

With the Mafia, you get a paycheck with each target you have killed. It wasn't the preferred method you would have liked to receive money, but it was worth it.

"Where have you been?" A voice knocked you out of your thoughts. You recognised it as Kouyou Ozaki, one of the many people you despised. She loved to take control over people, manipulating them into thinking they need her.

You also recognised her behaviour towards Kyoka, a young girl with a similar ability to Kouyou. She ended up taking the mother role, thinking she was being a good mother by keeping her in the darkness.

It caused a conflict a while ago, when Kyoka tried to get out of the Port Mafia. Kouyou Ozaki went that day, the day many men were killed, and where more were gravely injured.

Its a miracle Kyoka survived, maybe from the protection of the Weretiger.

Anyway, you didn't like how Kouyou had the roles she didn't deserve. Especially since she didn't really care about Kyoka.

"That is none of your business." You replied to her, back towards her. She stood behind you, almost threatening to place that sword straight through your abdomen.

"We all heard the recording. Do you really think you can leave the Port Mafia without guns to your head?" She asked. You knew that Mori saw the video, but you didn't think he would show the other members of the Port Mafia.

"It does not matter how many there are, Kouyou. I can leave whenever I'd like."

"Then why didn't you when Dazai left? Is there really no reason you stayed or are you leaving something out." She stated, walking closer to you.

"I have no obligation to tell my story, nor will I listen to you pry. Have you ever wondered why Kyoka left?" You asked, turning to face her. She looked at you, with a stoic expression.

"It's because you always have to stick your nose somewhere it shouldn't be. Kyoka left because she hated it here, as do I, and you pestering her made her leave faster." You didn't have an expression, merely watching her eyes turn that of flames.

"Do not speak to me that way-"

"You also think you have authority to ask me such questions and demand respect. You will never earn it." You raised your voice, hearing her anger from before.

She stayed silent, her posture upright as she peered down at you. You did the same, looking at her with nothing more than remorse. Her sigh broke the silence between you two.

"Despite everything, the hatred you feel for me and the Mafia. I hope you make it out alive," she spoke softer, walking past you. She stopped walking once she passed and continued, "I do ask one thing of you, L/N."

You hummed, letting her know you were listening.

"Take care of Kyoka for me, you will do a better job than I ever have." She walked away after she spoke, letting her words sink in.

You would have taken care of her anyway, she was a child in this mess. You two didn't speak that often, but there were times when you took care of her. By Kouyous message, she did try to care for her. It wasn't enough, but it was something.

You and Kyoka were acquainted, you weren't friends but you weren't strangers. You were more of a supporter and defended her when you could. It wasn't much, but you saved her a few times from being killed.

However, you couldn't help her escape.

__________________

Mori had called you into his office, he sent Akutagawa to find you. It was foolish to come here, you knew the consequences, but you did anyway. You needed to do one more thing before you left for good.

You walked through the double doors, two men holding them open for you. You didn't thank them, as you normally would. Except you walked right through and stared into Mori's eyes. He sat behind his desk, Elise playing with her toys next to him.

As you walked closer, something felt off. He wasn't moving, neither was Elise. Normally Elise wouldn't be able to stay still.

You paused mid-walk, frowning as you looked at the pair. A sound came into your hearing, a quiet beep, now getting progressively louder.

Your eyes shot open as you ran back to the double doors. They were shut closed and locked from the outside. You banged on the door, kicking it with full force. The sound got louder as you realised what you had to do.

You looked back in the direction of Mori and Elise in horror, seeing they weren't there. The small black disks on the desk told you they were holograms.

A fucking trap this high in the air?! You were at the top of the building!

Time seemed to slow as you sprinted towards the windows, your only escape now. You grabbed your gun from your hip, aiming towards the windows. You shot as many times as you could, trying to split apart the glass.

Failing to destroy it, you resorted to running straight through it. You shielded you face with your forearms, and jumped through the glass, breaking it down.

Reality returns to normal pace, with you falling out the broken window from a deafening height. Only seconds after you jumped, the top floors exploded. The sound makes your ears scream at a high pitch.

You turned midair, to witness debris flying out from the floors. Metal, windows and parts of the walls came with the fire breaking out of the building.

Your hair flowing around your face, as you stared up at the explosion. Cold air tickles your skin, goosebumps forming from the sudden change of temperature.

You didn't like the agency, they didn't like you. But never, would you have thought, they'd try to blow you up.

Did they think you were dangerous? That you were horrible enough to blow up half a building just to kill you?

It didn't make sense.

Your thoughts raced, one coming in, staying for a few seconds, then another, and another.

Soon each thought, sprinted and pushed the other out of your mind. The next one shoves the previous even harder. And harder, and harder.

Everything hurt. Your throat hurts, your lungs and your head pounded.

Someone was screaming, so loud. It was deafening, you could feel it through your entire body.

You edged closer to the ground. Your tears floated up from you, like some backwards waterfall.

Was this it? The end of your life?

You let out your last breath, closing your eyes.

________________________________________________________________________

You fell into a weird place. Everything was white, pale white. There was no glare in the light, you edged closer towards it. There were no thoughts present, just you walking. Nothing else bothered you.

One step in front of the other.

Left foot, right foot, left foot, right-

"¶¢[©✓¢^¢×`"

foot, left foot-

"✓``§¢[€§`=,€✓`§``[€§!"

What was that noise?

You paused, stopping midway. You were so close to the light, why did something have to disturb you?

"Wbsosbw, sjssosmwu. Sjwwosbd?"

Who is muttering this gibberish?

You looked around, trying to find the source. Nothing but white surrounded you. That was until you saw another white light, it was brighter than the other.

It was more appealing, the other seemed dim in comparison.

You walked towards this one. A walk turned into a run, a sprint. You soon found yourself bolting towards this light. Why were you so eager?

The light came closer, until you crashed into it. This small crash, caused you to fall. It mimicked how you passed away, falling backwards.

Your hair flowing around you...

You fell further, and further. The more you did, the more scared you became. Where was the ground?

Turning, you see the ground fly at you. It hit you immediately, but it was a light collision.

------------------

You screamed, sitting upright. Your chest clenched, tears rolling down your face.

Wait.

You could see. You could see a room, it wasn't white. The bed and walls were, but there were more colours.

"Are you alright?" Someone barged through a door you just noticed. You look up towards the sound and see Atsushi. You didn't blink, just stared at him.

He smiled at you, before saying.

"They're awake!"

Were you not just...dead? Was that a dream?

You looked down at your hands, they were wrapped up, some blood seeping through. Turning them around, you realised this wasn't a dream either, you felt real.

You could breathe, you could blink and think. How is this possible?

"Afternoon, L/N, how are you feeling?" A lady, you heard her name was Akiko Yosano, walked in with white gloves. They looked like surgery gloves they use in the hospital.

"I'm...alright? A little jet-lagged I suppose..." You spoke softly, still trying to wake up.

"Ah don't worry about that, just a little side effect." She walked closer to your bed, blowing air into the gloves to readjust them.

"Side effect?" You frowned, trying to comprehend what she was talking about. Did she poison you?

"My ability is 'Thou shalt not die', basically bringing people back from the dead." She explained.

You made an 'oh' sound, now understanding what happened. A question pondered in your mind, you were unsure if you should ask it. The sound of a chair made you look at Atsushi, getting comfortable on the left side of the bed.

"Oh, hey Dazai." Atsushi spoke, looking towards the door. You followed suit, seeing Dazai leaning on the door, arms crossed. He was already looking at you, he had little to no expression. You were used to this by now.

"Atsushi, could you leave us for a moment?" He asked, looking at him.

"O-oh sure. Hope you feel better." He smiled at you and walked towards the exit. Dazai gave way, motioning him through. Once he walked out, he closed the door and walked towards Atsushis previous spot.

"Can't believe that the building exploded." Yosano spoke, unwrapping your hands. She was going to change the dressing so it wouldn't get infected. You don't remember how you got those, maybe from the landing.

"You used to be part of the Mafia as well, right? I barely saw you." You said, looking up at her on your right.

"That's because you avoided Mori, I was always with that bastard."

"Sucky..." You commented, reflecting on the ugly faced boss you remember.

A silence fell over the room, it wasn't that awkward, but it was since the only thing you had in common was murder, the Port Mafia and Mori being your boss.

"Have you destroyed the documents?" Dazai asked out of the blue, you turned to him, looking into his eyes. You looked into his right one (or left on your side), since you never used to see it.

It looks the same as the other, it just looked odd because you've never seen it up close until now.

"I didn't get time to check... Mori, or 'holographic Mori' called me up to his office a few minutes after I entered the building."

"Don't you think your criminal records are more important than your former boss?" He inquired, his hands were interlocked as he leaned his arms on his thighs. He had a small frown this time.

"I know, I'm stupid-"

"Now they can leak your documents and expose you."

"Yeah I-"

"You'll be known to the general public and be classified as a criminal."

"I get it Dazai! Damn, I just got back from the dead and you're already lecturing me." You turned your body away from him.

A moment of silence crossed the air before he sighed.

"I'll get someone to erase your record." He informed.

"Wait seriously? You can- oh yeah you can. How else did you get out." You sounded enthusiastic at the beginning, but died out at the end.

"On one condition."

You turned back around, looking up at him from your laying position.

"I'm all ears." You stated, a small smile on your face.

"You join the Armed Detective Agency." He finished. You began laughing at his comment, covering your mouth as you had a little laughing fit.

Once you realised no-one was laughing, you looked at him through your tears.

"Oh, wait, you're serious?" You asked.

"Dazai, I can't just switch leagues." You stated, then realising the other two people in the room have as well.

"I've killed-" They have too, you idiot.

You internally conflicted yourself.

"I don't even have a special ability." You said sheepishly.

"Do you really not understand, L/N." Dazai spoke, looking down at you.

"I do understand how crazy it is, even though you two pulled it off doesn't mean I can."

"Not that."

"What don't I understand Dazai?" You asked, cutting the chase you started.

"You have a special ability, you just never used it."

________________________________________________________________________

Chapter 1 ended.

That, ladies and gentlemen is all I have time for. I've been really unmotivated lately, yknow how life goes. I may or may not update this story, you'll never know.

Anyway, not really proof read, so ignore any mistakes.

Lots of love,

__________________________________________________________________________________

[douchebagbrainwaves]

REVENGE OF THE RECESSION

By unsavory I mean things that go wrong when kids grow up sufficiently poor. The acceleration of productivity we see in Silicon Valley don't seem to be destroying democracy. To a lot of people. The reason you're overlooking them is the same as opting in. Then the interface will tend to make filtering easier. If Jessica was so important to YC, why don't more people realize it? But why? 9189189 localhost 0. When I did try statistical analysis, I found immediately that it was much cleverer than I had been.

Angels you can sometimes tell about other angels, because angels cooperate more with one another. There is a kind of business plan for a new Lisp shouldn't have string libraries as good as Perl, and if you write about controversial topics you have to think you know how the world works, and any theory a 10 year old leaning against a lamppost with a cigarette hanging out of the problem. They don't even start paying attention until they've heard about something ten times. Now that I've seen parents managing the subject, I can see why Mayle might have said this. In the capital cost of a long name is not just one thing. Perl. Maybe it's more important for kids to say and one forbidden? Sometimes if you just ask that question you'll get immediate answers.

So choose your users carefully, and be slow to grow their number. Don't all 18 year olds think they know how to run the world? I think will be tolerated. What readability-per-line could be a good idea to spend some time thinking about that future. And even more, you need to know about a language before they can use it to solve a problem someone else has already formulated. What's a prostitute? I think the way to do it mainly to help the poor, not to hurt the rich.

Com/foo because that is the most innocent of their tactics. Part of what he meant was that the proper role of humans is to think, just as the proper role of anteaters is to poke their noses into anthills. Misleading the child is just a series of web pages. When a man runs off with his secretary, is it always partly his wife's fault? I calculate as follows: let g 2 or gethash word good 0 b or gethash word good 0 b or gethash word good 0 b or gethash word good 0 b or gethash word good 0 b or gethash word good 0 b or gethash word good 0 b or gethash word good 0 b or gethash word good 0 b or gethash word good 0 b or gethash word good 0 b or gethash word bad 0 unless g b 5 max. But the unconscious form is very widespread. The most useful comparison between languages is between two potential variants of the same language. Cobol were the scripting languages of early IBM mainframes. And if you think about it, then sit back and watch as people rose to the bait. Their format is convenient, and the latter because, as investors have learned, founders tend to be better at running their companies than investors. It's clear most start with not wanting kids to swear, then make up the reason afterward.

Hackers are lazy, in the unlikely absence of any other evidence, have a 99. 033600237 programming 0. But vice versa as well. The third cause of trolling is incompetence. Indeed, most antispam techniques so far have been like pesticides that do nothing more than create a new, resistant strain of bugs. If it is not the only force that determines the relative popularity of programming languages: library functions. There is hope for any language that gives hackers what they want. You can write programs to solve common problems with very little code. Every kid grows up in a fake world. But we should understand the price. In this case, it might be worth trying to decompose them.

But the problem with fairly simple algorithms. On Lisp. Early YC was a family, and Jessica was its mom. Try this thought experiment. The history of ideas is a history of gradually discarding the assumption that it's all about us. But you're safe so long as you're telling the truth. Real hackers won't turn up their noses at a new tool that will let them solve hard problems with a few library calls.

YC all the time, perhaps most of the time, writing about economic inequality is to treat it as a single phenomenon. Since the 1970s, economic inequality in a country, you have to try to baby the user with long-winded expressions that are meant to resemble English. If you want to optimize, there's a really good programming language should be both clean and dirty: cleanly designed, with a small core, and powerful, highly orthogonal libraries that are as carefully designed as the core language. That's what makes sex and drugs so dangerous. In young hackers, optimism predominates. 97% chance of being a spam, which I calculate as follows: let g 2 or gethash word bad 0 unless g b 5 max. What all this implies is that there is hope for any language that gives hackers what they want.

False positives are innocent emails that get mistakenly identified as spams. But be content to work for ordinary salaries? If you think investors can behave badly, it's nothing compared to what corp dev does and know they don't want to offend Big Company by refusing to meet. They do a really good programming language should be interactive, and start up fast. I'm excessively attached to conciseness. If you understand them, you can safely talk to them, because you tend to get used to it and take it for granted. How do you recognize good founders? And thought you should check out the following: http://www. It wasn't that they were stupid. Imagine what it would do to you if at mile 20 of a marathon, someone ran up beside you and said You must feel really tired. Surely that sort of thing a right-wing radio talk show host would say to stir up his followers.

[blzzrdstryr]

Alone together

Yandere!Dainsleif x gn!reader

Wordcount: 2011

CW: Yandere themes, stalking, possessive behavior, PTSD

Khaenri’ah burns. Skies turn red, as tall pillars of smoke arise in the place of ruined towers. People cry and beg and scream.

“Ah, [First] , you came to help” Lisa greets you, waking up from her half-slumbering state: “Welcome, welcome. I already made some tea for you, just let me”. The librarian stretches and yawns akin to a cat, after she stands up from the counter, flashing you one of her charming smiles afterwards: “Go and fetch it. We will work after the tea”.

Something in her voice leaves no room for argument, so you sit at the offered table, eyes immediately shifting to the nearby window, mostly out of habit. Skies are blue and clear, buildings are whole and steady, people are laughing and cheering outside. It’s a sight that brings you heartache and comfort at the same time - no one should be subjected to what you had to live through, whether they worship the seven or not.

“And here it is”, the witch says, holding a tray with a steaming teapot, cups and a plate of cupcakes resting on top of it. The next fifteen minutes are spent drinking and carelessly chatting about everything and nothing in particular: Lisa is an excellent company, adept at maintaining the conversation interesting and atmosphere comfortable, her wide array of knowledge and keen intellect keeping you on your toes throughout the exchange despite the advantage of experience you happen to possess.

The brief tea party is then followed by the shared work of deciphering ancient documents, the librarian sometimes turns to you asking for the meaning of one word or another - most of the texts are written in Khaenri’ahn or archaic forms of the modern languages.

She doesn’t pry why you happen to possess such intrinsic knowledge on the long dead language, nor does she ask anything about your star-shaped pupils - she must have seen the descendants of your compatriots, then. You know there live at least two - one with tan skin and a warm smile that never reaches his cold eyes and a blonde youth with the powers of khemia rolling under his palms. There’s no courage to approach them.

You in turn share Khaenri’ah’s greatest legacy - knowledge and science that helped your nation to outpace the deities and turn them against you. It’s a nice feeling - making sure that the thing your people cherished the most will not be forgotten, even if it’s given to archon worshippers. Five centuries ago the thought of educating Teyvatians would be laughable to you - there’s no use in it, they will continue to believe in their gods - you would dismiss it, but now nationless you have no choice but to do it - it’s the only way to keep the products of your people alive. To keep the memory of your people alive.

Khaenri’ah burns. You run across the collapsing city, eyes growing wider as you see people slowly morphing into something. It’s bestial and feral, primitive. Your breath hitches, you want to scream.

“[First]?”, it’s Lisa again, she lightly taps your shoulder, a hint of concern creeps into her voice

“Ah? Everything is fine, I just zoned off” you reply, too quickly and too strained to be believable. Who could have known that even after five hundred years the flashbacks of what happened on that day will still haunt you? They trail your thoughts like determined hounds, sneaking up on you in the most inopportune times. One moment you are talking to someone, the second you relive the fall of Khaenri’ah. The memory feels too real to be a fantasy, leaving your thoughts messy, anxious and disordered, as you shake and try to calm yourself.

“Are you sure?”, she stands up from her seat and makes a couple of quick steps to you, taking a good look at your face: you must look horrible, you think, those episodes always leave you panting and on the verge of panic.

“Maybe we should continue tomorrow, there’s no use in haste, it’s not like our documents will run away”, Lisa continues, massaging circles into your shoulder - her hand is warm and comforting, grounding. You want to thank her for this - the understanding tone and the way she caresses you right now, helping you to keep the link with reality, but the words get stuck in your throat - it’s too much and too scary, to admit what just has happened not only to her, but to yourself too.

“Yes”, you finally force out of yourself, nodding along the way: “it would be for the better”. Your voice is still too tense and strained, filled with the grief for the people and places long past, but Lisa, to your relief, doesn’t point out any of it. You quickly gather your belongings and leave the library, almost forgetting to bid a farewell to the witch as you exit.

The sun begins to set as you make your way to the rented house, it’s small and nondescript, a complete opposite of the one you had in Liyue. You used to work as a scholar in the harbor before He found you again - you fled your spacious and cozy apartments in less than a day, leaving almost all of your possessions behind.

The thoughts of what had happened still buzz in your mind - you want to scream and cry, you want to vent to someone, but the words you will utter will be in pure khaenri’ahn they won’t understand you.

You think of finally approaching that star-eyed cavalry captain, Kaeya, maybe he saw what you witnessed too. You think of Albedo, who carries the same energy all khaenri’ahn constructs do. You want to ask him about his creator, you want to talk with him about Khemia. You think of Barbatos who wears the form of the cheerful bard, you want to accuse and scream and hit him.

You do nothing as the power leaves your body the same second - it’s scary, so scary to verbalize that, to talk and share and relive, and approaching any of those three means doing exactly so.

You stay inside instead, calming your beating heart and kicking out intrusive thoughts, and only when your pulse returns to the norm you allow yourself to finally stand up. The world is shaky and unreliable, but some things stay the same. Your room for example - you have a habit of leaving things in specific places, as a way to keep you grounded. There’s a comfort in familiarity - the one you desperately need.

Your eyes shift from one object to the other, until they stumble across something that sends your heart racing again. The cup you use is shifted by a couple of inches, facing you by the opposite side, there’s a flower and a note lying beside it. The words are in khaenri’ahn, the handwriting is familiar too.

Khaenri’ah burns. Your lungs do too from the sheer overexertion and fatigue, but you keep pushing further and further - you can’t give up yet, not when He needs you. A name forms on your lips.

Thousand of thoughts form in your mind, they’re panicked, fast and disjointed - flee again, cut and dye your hair, change the name too - you can start over in Inazuma again, it’s a closed country, so if you will manage to get in, it will be harder for him to track you again.

Who are you kidding?

Unlike you, he has a core of steel, an unwavering determination to settle things his way or die trying - be it opposing Celestia or gaining you. It was always like that, with the Twilight sword being stubborn to a fault - he never budged or surrendered, not when Khaenri’ah was still proudly standing, and not now, when there’s nothing but the charred remains of your homeland.

You met him when you got accepted into the Royal order, where a Konungr paired you with Him. The twilight sword was unrelenting in his pursuits even then, a trait that you both admired and feared in equal volume. The collapse of your nation only worsened this quality - if back then he was striving to supervise and oversee everything, then the tragedy exacerbated his controlling tendencies even further.

You were travelling together for the first fifty years after the fall, both affected by the same curse, as he started getting possessive. It began in innocuous things: asking where you were, what you were doing, you didn’t pay much attention back then, celestial wrath still fresh in your memory - he was just cautious you told yourself, it’s a safety measure.

But then these safety measures grew from simply inquiring about your day to accompanying you almost everywhere, and then it all culminated in Him locking you up, to keep you away from leaving.

You escaped then, and avoided him ever since, departing your residence the second you caught the wind of his possible proximity. Years turned into decades that later morphed into centuries, and you began to grow lax - he was getting closer and closer to you with each turn. The first time you had a suspicion of him being near you packed your things the same second and spent countless days traversing the land by hidden passageways, careful not to leave any traces, and now, now you still sit in your house, despite having evidence of him knowing where you are.

Maybe you grew tired of the cat and mouse game, maybe you just accepted that your recapture is inevitable and all your little escapes do nothing, but set it off for a couple of months, or maybe you’re just that lonely. It doesn’t matter, really, as you make no attempt to do anything - it’s useless, he already knows your location.

Khaenri’ah burns. You cry and you hate yourself - for weakness, for helplessness, for still being alive and sane. He stays near you as a silent shadow, his blue eyes shifting from your crying face to the wreckage of the city. There are no words shared between you that day - you’re crushed and empty, yet bare and aching at the same time.

“Dainsleif”, you greet him, once you hear the squeak of the opening door. He doesn’t look that different from five hundred years ago, but now his eyes are both more tired and alive with fervent light.

“[First]”, he simply replies, your name rolling off his tongue like a prayer - there’s adoration and worship in his tone. He almost falls to his knees, as he takes your hands in his, capturing them in a steel trap.

“[First], I finally have you, [first]”, he murmurs, bringing your palm to his face. You don’t resist him, knowing it’s futile. His skin feels just like all those years ago - rough and dry, weathered down by the demanding lifestyle he leads. He gives a shy peck to your inner wrist, blue eyes intently watching you as he does so.

“Long time no see, Dain”, you start, trying to diffuse the tension in the air, as he grabs you by the chin and forces you into a kiss. He kisses with the desperation of a dying person, one of his hands firmly holding your head, the other starts to explore your body. It feels obscene. You are lightheaded, when he finally parts and hugs you again, still chanting “[First]” over and over again.

You allow him this liberty too, feeling a prick of pity in your heart. You know what it is - to be the sole survivor, too see your own people crumble and fall and transform. You know that he returns to that place again and again, reliving the same moment against his will. You know that he gasps and shivers when the memories get too real and overwhelming.

You both are children of the fallen nation, and there's no person in the world who could understand you better than he does. Maybe, you shouldn't have run, you think, listening to Dainsleif speak in Khaenri’ahn. There's a chain of connection between you two, it's unbreakable, forged in shared losses, tears and pain.

Khaenri’ah burns. It burns in both of you.

[lavishedinjimin]

bts reaction -> you do something that upsets/angers them

woah! finally, a new reaction post?? 

(all gifs used are not mine!) 

Namjoon:

Well, well, well, what could you have possibly said to create an argument with Namjoon. He, for one, doesn’t like arguments. He would instead talk to you and settle all the problems without raising his voice.

But if the argument does get too far, he’s making sure that he gets his point across, even if his words might sting.

Namjoon sits on the edge of the bed, looking up at you who was standing in front of him with your arms crossed.

“I did nothing wrong, Y/n,” he states with a deep yet calm tone, “You didn’t tell me that I had to run errands. How would I when I’m in the studio with the boys?”

He raises his brow when you stomp your feet on the wooden floor. Eyeing you up and down, his blood slowly rises when he feels like you’re acting insensitive.

“But you knew that we had no groceries left!”

Namjoon suppresses his anger like he always does, “Stop being selfish, Y/n. Tell me, who’s paying your bills?” he points his chin out.

“Hey, I pay half of our bills!”

“There you go. That just means you also shouldn’t be depending on me so much when I’m busy doing work, okay?”

(aln: this gif is so fucking hot istg i’m on my knees) 

Seokjin:

You feel the other side of the bed dip, signaling that someone had come into bed with you. Peeking your eyes open just slightly, you feel your body relaxing as you finally saw Seokjin after a long, hard day.

“Hey, darling,” you whisper, scooting closer to him to hug his body. Seokjin murmurs something under his breath, but you didn’t quite grasped what it was. 

Seokjin moves around, furrowing his eyebrows as a groan escapes his mouth. “Please…”

Ignoring the word, you instantly scatter his face with kisses, kissing his forehead and down to his plump lips.

“Not now, Y/n.”

“Why?” you pout, “lemme kiss you. I haven’t seen you all day.” You continue your mischief on him, placing open-mouthed kisses all over.

With eyes still closed, he pushes you away with both hands.

Shocked, you look at him in awe of what he just did.

“That’s so rude,” you scoff.

“I just want to sleep, Y/n. I’m tired and I don’t want to talk.”

Silence fills the room as you sullenly observe him pull the covers over his body. He rubs his face with his hands as he lets go of an exasperated sigh. “Get over it. I had a bad day, okay? I just want silence and a night of good sleep, that’s all I want right now.”

You know how Seokjin gets mad. His words are his weapon. You think that it’s much better leaving him alone than further pushing his buttons. Tomorrow will be another day.

Yoongi:

Yoongi doesn’t get angry that often. It’s quite impressive how he can calm himself down and avoid the anger. But it’s also alarming – because whenever he does get angry, he can become outright terrifying and a guilt-tripping madman.

“Is it because I don’t talk to you enough?” Yoongi alarms through the phone, the rage in his voice evident even though you can’t see his face. “Huh? Is it because I don’t give you enough attention?”

“It’s not like that! You have to understand that he’s just a friend!” You grip the phone tighter in your damp hand. 

“I bet that guy treated you better, hm? I bet that’s the reason.” Yoongi’s voice was filled with bitter sarcasm as he speaks. The tone of his voice makes you clench your fist in annoyance. It was clear that he was manipulating you with his words, but there’s nothing you can do to stop him.

“You know what? Whatever, Y/n. You do whatever the fuck you want. I don’t care. But get ready for when I get home, you’re gonna get some serious fucking punishment.”

There was a long, thick silence after his sentence. You can feel your heartbeat thump loudly in your chest, upset in both yourself and in Yoongi.

“It isn’t my intention to upset you,” you sigh, “you’re the one that I care about. Always.”

“Then show it to me.”

You gasped. Are your actions not enough for him to believe you? 

Hoseok:

Hoseok can be immensely intimidating when angry. Those eyes that can show the sweetest candy smile, with a single wrong move, they can turn into the most devilish gaze someone has ever seen.

Even his members find him scary whenever he’s mad.

As you watch the band practice their choreography for their performance next week, you couldn’t keep your eyes on Hoseok. The way his body just moves smoothly without any imperfections at all, it was clear that he was made for dancing and performing on stage.

Park Jimin calls off for a break and the members rush to their respective corners to catch their breath. Hoseok walks to the other side of the practice room where he sits down. Until suddenly, Jimin comes to your direction with a sly smirk on his face.

“Did you like the choreo?” he says, voice sort of raspy and out of breath. You giggle, “Yes. It was fire.”

“Mhm…” he places his hands on the table in front of you and leans forward, making your eyes widen. What is he doing…?

His eyes were almost slitted, licking his lips. You can’t help but notice small droplets of sweat trickling down from his temples and to his jawline, and how the light reflex the dampness of his neck. “Were you watching me?”

“H-Huh?” You stutter, mouth agape. “Yeah. You’re so good, Jimin, as always,” you respond while tucking your hair behind your ear. 

Jimin’s grin widens, satisfied with your answer. Before he can give a verbal reply, Hoseok was right behind him and he swiftly pushes Jimin aside. He gives him a ‘look’ paired with a shake of his head. He whispers something to Jimin as he walks away.  

Hoseok lifts his chin whilst he looks down at you with those menacing dark brown eyes. “Are you enjoying your time here?”

“Well,” you gulp, “Yes.”

He looks away for a second, brushing his hair back. You can hear that he took a deep sigh. Placing his forearms on the table, he stares directly into your eyes. His irises burn deep into you as he takes a heavy breath, “You know how possessive I am of you, Y/n. Only—” he lifts his right hand and caresses your cheek, swiping his thumb across your bottom lip, “only look at me.”

Jimin:

Jimin was clicking away on his laptop as he sits on the barstool, eyes glued on the screen for he didn’t even notice that you’ve walked up behind him. Slowly, you wrap your arms around his waist. His body jumps in utter shock.

“Babe,” he groans, “don’t do that again. Don’t surprise me like that.”

His tone was plain and sharp, bringing an attitude that signifies that he is annoyed.

Perhaps he needs more love and attention?

Inhaling his scent, you rest your cheek against his back. The sounds of the keys clicking were slowly becoming irritating, so you snatch his hands away to hold them in your grasp.

“Wha—Y/n!” he yells, but you unrightfully ignore him.

“C’mon, baby. Just rest for a while and come cuddle with me instead—”

“Cuddle?” he turns the stool around so he faces you. He scoffs, “You really want us to cuddle right now? When I’m in the middle of work?” he raises his voice at you, making you feel small. Trying your best not to be hurt by his razor-sharp timbre, you stand your ground. “Stop fucking annoying me and let me do my job, okay?”

“I’m just trying to—”

“—Just trying to help, yeah.” He rolls his eyes. “Please just, just leave me alone for a couple of minutes.”

But he will feel so fucking bad afterward, though. Jimin lets his emotions get the best of him and he used you to let it all out. You understand him, nonetheless. He is the type to bottle up his feelings. But deep down, you wish he would tell you everything that’s been bothering him, without having to keep them for himself. 

Taehyung:

Taehyung rarely gets mad at you. But whenever he does, he’s quick to apologize and forget about the situation because he doesn’t want to cause a much bigger problem.

So, stealing his food from the fridge wouldn’t annoy him, right?

He was supposed to come home early for tonight, but he informed you that he’ll be a little bit late because of traffic.

Although your hunger couldn’t wait any longer.

Taking the box of food out of the fridge, you did not hesitate to gobble them all up to feed your rumbling stomach. You know for a fact that he’s going to empathize with you anyway.

As he comes home, though, you weren’t still finished and he stops his tracks when he sees that you were eating his meal.

“Y/n!” he gasps, “This one is yours!” he says, raising the takeout box he bought on the way home. “You said you wanted Chinese, didn’t you?”

Uh-oh…

You slowly stand up from the dining table, walking your way out of the area with his food still in your hands with a little cheeky grin.

Taehyung pouts as he whines out your name, “I hate it when you do this! I was craving for that!” He stomps his foot, “This is so upsetting, you know.”

You feel your heart clench at that, “I’m sorry…”

“Come here, you!” Taehyung all of a sudden, runs to catch you, signaling your fight or flight response. You shriek and dashed all around the dining room, trying to avoid Taehyung as much as possible. He had his arms sprawled across like an eagle, cackling.

Once you let him catch you, he hugs your body tightly in his grasp. “Hmm? You’re so naughty, babe. You know I can’t get mad at you for too long.” He grabs the food box away from you and sets it aside. He whispers, “But don’t do this again.”

Jungkook:

“I mean, look at her, Jungkook. Doesn’t her face irritate you?” you inquire at him, showing an Instagram picture of that one girl you despise. She had her whole butt on screen, tongue out, showing off her long acrylic nails.

Sitting on the couch beside you, Jungkook purses his lips and looks at the screen. “Hmm.” He says plainly.

“Goddamn, whenever I see her in real life my saliva turns sour, y’know? Ugh¸ I hate her so much.” You can feel your nerves rile up, throwing your feet on the coffee table in front of you.

Jungkook speaks, “What has she done to you?” he says in a monotone voice.

“Uh,” you turn to look at him, raising an eyebrow, “Why?”

He shrugs his shoulders, “Just wondering.”

“Okay, fine,” You roll your eyes, “She has done nothing, all right? But—”

He laughs unexpectedly, making you crease your forehead both in frustration and perplexity.

Jungkook himself was never the type to create arguments or say what he feels out loud. He would most likely internalize his thoughts and opinions and waits for the perfect timing to affront.

But if there’s a moment where he a situation feels unfair, he’s not afraid to stand up for what he believes.

“You know that’s wrong, darling,” he sighs, scooting over to you. He swings his right arm around your shoulder and tugs your figure closer. “There’s no reason to hate someone without having a definitive reason. C’mon, just ignore her if she bothers you so much.”

You frown, “But…”

“But what? Baby, if you do this one more time, I’ll be very upset. More upset in you than I am right now.”

Immediately, you jerk your head to look at him. With puppy dog eyes, you apologize, “Sorry.”

[songofclarity]

Something that is so rarely talked about but is actually very good is that Xiao XingChen and Nie MingJue are basically cut from the same cloth. They were allies! At one point they stood side-by-side and sealed their tragic fates over the same cause.

Xiao XingChen, not Nie MingJue, was the first person to press the Jin Sect to severely punish Xue Yang for what happened to the Chang Clan. No one at the time knew that Xue Yang, a guest cultivator of the Jin Sect, was their secret Demonic Cultivation mastermind and Stygian Tiger Seal repairman. Wei WuXian was dead and the Jin Sect were still trying to rise up to be as the Wen Sect once were, but now this famous young cultivator who is still nonetheless an outsider is trying to make them cut off their own right hand.

Please just imagine Xiao XingChen standing in the main hall at Jinling Tower. He has receipts in his hands of all of Xue Yang’s crimes. Xue Yang, as Xiao XingChen’s prisoner, is probably sitting there wrapped in ropes and chains, but looks like he hasn’t a care in the world. It’s a Discussion Conference so all the powerful and prestigious people are there--except one. Everyone is nodding in agreement that yes, Xiao XingChen has brought excellent evidence! They have no objection to Xue Yang being executed.

But while no one objects to executing Xue Yang, no one else present is supporting execution, either, because Jin GuangShan isn’t supporting it. So Xiao XingChen can talk everyone’s ears off but it’s not going to change anything. The Jin Sect don’t care about justice. Xiao XingChen might be famous but he’s still an outsider. He’s powerless here. But he still doesn’t back down! A stalemate ensues and he still doesn’t back down!

And then the doors bust open and the light shines through and--Nie MingJue has arrived! Nie MingJue who was chilling at home until he got news of the complete and utter fuckery going on. He is the one and only person to give Xiao XingChen actual support because you know what? Xiao XingChen is right! The receipts are right there! And Nie MingJue doesn’t have the patience of Xiao XingChen to let the Jin Sect hem and haw over what to do to a now red-handed mass murderer.

Neither Xiao XingChen nor Nie MingJue have anything to gain from causing this scene, but it’s the right thing to do, so they do it.

"Taking advantage of the Discussion Conference that was happening at the Jinling Tower of the Lanling Jin Sect's residence, when the most prominent sects met up and discussed cultivation methods, Xiao XingChen brought [Xue Yang] over, explained the situation, and demanded severe punishment.

"With his straightforward list of evidence, most sects didn't have any objections, except for one--the Lanling Jin Sect. (ch. 30, ERS)

...

Although the Lanling Jin Sect was determined on protecting Xue Yang, Xiao XingChen didn't waver either. As the stalemate continued, they finally startled ChiFeng-Zun, Nie MingJue, who didn't intend on participating in the Discussion Conference. He hurried over to Jinling Tower from far away." (ch. 30, ERS)

Nie MingJue, who was minding his own business, is the one who breaks the stalemate. On a side note, it’s interesting how Nie MingJue didn’t even attend this Discussion Conference, which are usually sizeable affairs with many leaders present. We know that Nie MingJue does not usually stick his nose in where it doesn’t belong. Although he once called for the punishment of the Wen remnants after the Sunshot Campaign, he never followed through until Wen Ning killed Nie cultivators at Jinling Tower (wow, that must have been really convenient for the Jin Sect who wanted all the other sects to rally with them again Wei WuXian! Not suspicious at all. Having a secret demonic cultivator who could have taken control of Wen Ning on staff is quite a perk.) By all means, Nie MingJue has had enough of death and war, and he wants to focus on his mental health and home.

But it’s hard for Nie MingJue to stay out of a problem when Xiao XingChen has the evidence against a mass murderer who should rightfully be severely punished.

"Ever since Xue Yang was brought to Jinling Tower by Xiao XingChen, he hadn't been scared at all. Even when Nie MingJue's saber was pressed against his neck, he still had a grin on his face."

It’s easy to be confident when Xue Yang knows he’s untouchable, and he’s untouchable because he knows the Jin will do everything in their power to protect him.

Nie MingJue ends the stalemate by 1. giving Jin GuangShan an angry lecture (FINALLY someone stands up against Jin GuangShan!) and 2. scolding Jin GuangYao into silence for trying to calm everyone down (because Jin GuangYao only cares about appearances and not content).

"In the end, the Lanling Jin Sect could only give in."

So Xiao XingChen's efforts and evidence were good, everyone agreed they were good, but everyone was going to ignore him until Nie MingJue tackled the problem from another angle. Although Jin GuangShan and Jin GuangYao are lying about giving in, at the moment, Xiao XingChen and Nie MingJue get to part as unlikely allies.

Keep in mind this is the first and only time Nie MingJue goes against the Jin Sect directly. Nie MingJue had been the only person against the establishment of the Chief Cultivator position, but that situation never got heated. The Nie Sect is, however, the one sect that has been the greatest threat to Jin Sect domination since the Sunshot Campaign ended. So by Nie MingJue finally standing his ground here and now in a very public fashion by showing that the Jin are not allowed to do whatever they selfishly want, the Jin Sect is feeling very uneasy in their world domination plans.

But the matter is now publicly settled with the confirmation of Xue Yang’s upcoming execution. Xiao XingChen goes back into the world to be the best Bright Moon and Gentle Breeze he can be. Nie MingJue goes back home to mind his own business. (Remember how he wasn't even going to attend the conference! He wasn’t even acting like a public figure, throwing his weight around, until Xiao XingChen needed a heavy hitter on his team!) So whenit’s revealed that the Jin Sect lied, only one of them hears the news.

"The Lanling Jin Sect was indeed the sect with the thickest face. Although, on Jinling Tower, it promised in front of all the sects that Xue Yang would be executed, when it left Nie MIngJue's sight, it immediately shut Xue Yang into the dungeons and changed the original decision to a life sentence."

Who is left to continue fighting this battle on Xiao XingChen's behalf but Nie MingJue, the one person who actually agreed with him?

Xiao XingChen and Nie MingJue are literally hand-in-hand when it comes to justice. Nie MingJue uses his position as a Sect Leader of equal standing to Jin GuangShan to try to hold the Jin Sect responsible--and to keep the Jin from acting like the Wen Sect before them.

"Hearing about the matter, Nie MingJue was enranged and pressed on them again. The Lanling Jin rambled about, refusing to give him Xue Yang no matter how hard he tried. All of the other sects watched them from the sidelines, but, shortly afterward, Nie MingJue passed away from a qi deviation."

A qi deviation! Wow, what a coincidence, huh?? That sure made this rock and a hard place that Xiao XingChen and Nie MingJue pushed the Jin into go away real fast! Jin GuangYao says during the stair scene that he doesn’t want to lose his status and position, and that he is willing to sacrifice the lives of everyone else in order to prioritize his own standing. Nie MingJue insulted Jin GuangYao on a personal level, but the real issue is that he was continuing to press the Jin Sect to execute Xue Yang, which would mean the whole Jin Sect would lose their upper hand.

Nie MingJue's last public act was upholding justice and holding the Jin Sect accountable. The Jin Sect wanted to be in charge of everything as the Chief Cultivator but were doing a piss poor job at it already. He only approached Jin GuangYao when he was getting nowhere with Jin GuangShan, because wasn't Jin GuangYao supposed to be a good person? Wasn’t he supposed to have spied for them because he believed in their cause and not just the glory? Wasn’t he supposed to have murdered Nie MingJue's men because he wanted to save Nie MingJue's life and not just profit off of having Nie MingJue owe him something like sworn brotherhood to make up for the debt?

And Nie MingJue was murdered to protect the life of a murderer. With Nie MingJue gone and Xiao XingChen away, no one else cared to pay attention.

The Jin Sect broke their promise and good people paid with their lives over it. The watchtowers were a mockery of justice when Jin GuangYao, finally in control as Sect Leader and Chief Cultivator, was the one who set Xue Yang free once more.

And Song Lan lost his eyes, his temple, and his closest companion to that known murderer.

And Xiao XingChen committed suicide over being manipulated by that murderer.

But at one point Xiao XingChen and Nie MingJue stood side-by-side against a blatant evil. An evil that they have receipts for! But just as Wei WuXian on his own was not enough, Xiao XingChen and Nie MingJue as two were not enough. The mystery of Nie MingJue’s decapitated fierce corpse and the horrors found in Yi City, however, are directly connected.

The tragedy of two good men.

[thefanficmonster]

You Never Notice

Sykkuno x Reader (Female)

Warnings: None

Genre: Fluff

Summary: The center of someone’s world is never aware of their importance even when everyone else is in the know. People are hard to understand, no denying, but if we all spilled our truth like how Y/N admitted her feelings to Sykkuno, mutual understanding would be achieved a lot more easily. JK, she needed an eternity and maybe a thousand pushes. What’s important is the result though, right?

Requested by Anon. You are my first Sykkuno request and I wish I could thank you with a tag. Instead, I’m gonna thank you with a fic in which I put my all. Thank you for the request, hope the final product doesn’t let you down. 🥰

Here we go again. Sykkuno’s love life is brought up. This time it’s more frustrating cause I can’t shout how wrong he is about himself and the effect he has on the people around him. He has no room to speak, he hasn’t experienced what I have - one of your best friends living in your head rent-free because you’re just that whipped by them. That’s right kids, some of us never grow past the middle school crushes - they are a constant for some. That can be a good or a bad thing, it completely depends on how you view it.

Currently, him and Rae are addressing some dating rumors that started spreading about them earlier this week while Felix, Sean and I are kicking each other’s butts in Party Animals. We’re not all playing together, actually, we were all playing different games when we hopped into the call and just grouped together after playing solo got boring. Rae and Sykkuno are playing Among Us on a random server, her being the only person who’s streaming right now. She said she just wanted to clear up the dating rumors cause they were annoying to see popping up on her feed on every social media platform she’s active on.

“It’s ridiculous, really. People just look for online personalities to put in imaginary relationships. Are they that bored? I know quarantine is getting to everyone, but damn“ Rae says, laughing a bit to take the edge off her words but I know she’s bothered by this ordeal more than she’s letting on. I know how much it bothers her when people ship random youtubers and streamers together, even when she’s not involved. 

And I agree. Ever since I started streaming I’ve been shipped with my friends left and right. First Corpse, then Dave, Joel...you name them. It gets kinda gross cause these people are legit like siblings to me. Unlike Rae, though, I don’t waste my breath trying to clear those ‘talks of the net’ up. I don’t know if it’s for better of for worse that I remain silent on the issue when I’m involved but am willing to stand up for my friends when they find themselves in a similar situation. Some people think the reason I don’t share my thoughts is because the rumors are true, but the hint is most often taken, resulting in the ship ending. Well, that ship ending, there’s always a new one popping up. As Rae said, it’s ridiculous.

“Why does everyone think I am ever dating anyone? I’ve already commented on this: no one would date me.“ Sykkuno says through a sigh-like laugh.

“Why are you so sure?“ I blurt out without as much as a second thought

My eyes widen just a bit, just a bit. I’m not too surprised with myself. I am slowly losing control of my raging emotions and I’m afraid of what I’ll turn into when all my restraints snap. A mess, that’s the most likely answer.

“Well....“ Sykkuno trails off, clearly more than a little nervous, “I don’t have a girlfriend right now, and I haven’t had one in a while...Nor has a girl shown any interest to be more than friends with me in what feels like forever.“

“I’m sure you just don’t notice the hints girls drop. We can be pretty subtle.“ I try to sound as nonchalant as possible while I’m still in my panicked animal mode. And by animal I mean a cub. A scared cub that is now showing confidence but will run and hide right afterwards. I silently thank the universe that I’m not streaming right now. I can feel the heat on my neck and cheeks which is pure embarrassment and would have been more than evident on-camera.

“Yeah Y/N’s right, Sykkuno. Girls can be very subtle, but they will always let you know if they like you, even through the smallest of gestures. You gotta keep your eyes open.“ Rae backs me up reassuringly.

“Guys never notice anything.“ I say, rolling my eyes. I feel the pressure lessen thanks to Rae’s involvement in the conversation.

“That’s not true.“ Sean protests, “We pay close attention, especially to girls we are attracted to.“

“Yeah!“ Sykkuno pipes in again, “I’m pretty sure I would notice if a girl was dropping signals that she likes me.“

Now that stings. That legit makes me wince and cringe as though his voice delivered an actual physical hit to my chest and stomach. It’s really unpleasant, painful even.

“You never notice.“ There’s something about this triple opportunity - proving him wrong that he’d catch onto a girl’s signals; proving him wrong that girls aren’t attracted to him; coming clean about the biggest emotional struggle I’ve experienced in recent years; - that snaps my last emotional restraints. I will totally regret this later, but after the regret comes the relief which is 100% worth it. 

“What?“ He sounds very puzzled. I can just about imagine him frowning as he tries to wrap his brain around something even I can’t wrap mine around.

“You say you’d notice a girl’s hints of attraction. OK.“ I nonchalantly throw Felix off the submarine in Party Animals while I keep talking, “Would you notice if a girl purposely doesn’t kill you in Among Us when she’s impostor? Or would you notice that a girl always sends you links to videos she finds funny? Or that she always shares music and movie recommendations with you and you only?“ 

Dead silence ensues. I feel like they have all glitched, considering Sean didn’t even try to put up a fight when I lifted him and threw him in the ocean as I previously did with Felix’s avatar.

Maybe I was a tad too specific and made the whole situation hit a little too close to home for me. 

Sykkuno and I have become really close friends and we chat and play games regularly. As I mentioned, I give him movie and music recommendations and I only recently started acknowledging the fact that I’ve never killed him in Among Us. Natural instinct I guess. In fact, I feel the need for vengeance when he’s killed. I refuse to even vote for him unless it’s absolutely necessary.

Now that I think about it, it’s not his fault he has no clue. I just don’t know how to properly drop hints.  

“Um...I mean, I guess I would notice but I’d never think they are that type of hints.“ He finally replies.

On point there, dear. On damn point.

“What does it take for you to be convinced that a girl is into you?“ Who cares that a bunch of people are about to witness this outpour? It’ll make it more real, yes, but it will also help me believe that it happened so I don’t try to crawl back to the point where return is an option. No return now. You’ve already passed two thirds of the way. The last one will set you and your mind free. 

“The only way I can be sure is if she tells me, really.“ He sounds so nervous and shy, like he’s trying to draw as little attention as possible.

He doesn’t have to worry. I’m about to pull all the attention on me.

“Well in that case....you leave me no other choice.“ My screen displays me as the winner of this round of Party Animals - an easy one considering my friends are glitched in real life. “I like you, Sykkuno. I like you a lot. And I know you will see it from every context except the one its meant to be in so I’ll be even more head-on - I’ve liked you, as more than a friend for quite some time now, but buddy, you can be sooo oblivious sometimes. Anyway...“ Here’s that regret I was talking about, it’s already creeping in. “Don’t feel the need to say it back. I don’t wanna hear it if you don’t mean it. And Rae,“ I can’t help but laugh at the thought, “Sorry for making your chat go crazy. Peace!“

And I disconnect from the Discord call.

“See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?“ I say out loud, staring at my desktop. “The cat’s out of the bag and you can move on now.“

I push myself to get some work done in order to get my mind off the mess I’ve created. I’m afraid of thinking about it, I know I’ll get too upset to do anything with the rest of my day if I do.

Suddenly, just as I’m about to open my email, my phone chimes. My brain doesn’t bother to stop my arm from automatically reaching out and checking the notification. A message.

From Sykkuno.

~ I knew you didn’t suggest me ‘My Best Friend’s Wedding’ for no reason

Me ~ So...?

~ So, I’m not the only oblivious one here, Y/N

Me ~ Wait WHAT?

~ ‘Nick And Norah’s Infinite Playlist’?

Me ~ Oooohhhh...I see

It takes him a few seconds to reply, the bubble with the three bouncing dots popping up and disappearing a few times now. I just now feel my heart banging against the inside of my ribcage, my pulse echoing in my ears.

He did seem a little too eager for me to watch that movie...

~ So, movie date?

I laugh, wholeheartedly and honestly. Genuine joy running through my veins.

Me ~ So it is.

The grin that is now decorating my features promises to stay there for the rest of the day. I bite my bottom lip at the thought that pops into my head.

Me ~ Phew, I can stop sparing you in Among Us from now on

He sends me three cry-laughing emojis in return, but I don’t need those. I can just imagine him laughing as he usually does with one hand covering his mouth. And here I thought my grin couldn’t grow wider.

 Imagining him happy makes me smile. His happiness makes me happy. He makes me happy.

Even better...

I think the feeling’s mutual.

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 149

So, I was super busy on my normal queueing day and wasn’t able to set this up. And by ‘super busy’ I mean ‘doing laundry, weeding flower beds, and taking several naps’, bc I have upwards of 24 niblings and a super-full time job that make me exhausted.

I’m not kidding, I recently told @baelpenrose “I had a birthday party to go to, yes it’s the third Saturday in a row, don’t worry about keeping track because there are SO MANY”. 

What doesn’t make me exhausted? Y’all. The likes, the comments, the reblogs, the ‘hey, this person reads my stuff AND Bael’s stuff’ ( @feral-possums-in-the-bog, @drbibliophile, looking at you in a very loving way). Also the speedrunners... all of you who have ever, at any point, found this fic and decided to read every single chapter as quickly as possible ( and have or haven’t shamed me for needing to update the masterpost or page links), you keep me going like nothing else. I, too, like a good binge read, so I know I’ve done something worth... something... when someone else binges like that.

“So the Ark is semi-organic?” I glanced over and resisted the urge to trail my fingers along the walls of the corridor.

“That would be the closest Terran approximation, yes,” they confirmed. “It is not sentient in any form, but all exposed surfaces, for example, are grown in-place of a material native to our home planet.”

“So cool,” I whispered. “Is there a benefit to that, aside from being more sustainable?”

Noah rubbed two liw alongside their sensory organs, and let out a soft buzz - essentially rubbing their face with a sigh. “It is very rare for any species that achieves sentience to reach a level of technology that allows for faster than light travel without what you refer to as sustainability being included in every aspect of their culture.”

“Oh.” I felt ashamed and focused on my feet for a few steps, paying close attention to the feeling of the deck plating through my soles, any uneven textures that I came across turning into canyons of perception.

“In the case of the material coating the surfaces of the Ark,” Noah continued, clearly picking up on my discomfort, “it serves a largely hygienic function, much as Else currently provides.”

“So, that’s what Xio was referring to when she said that Hujylsogox ships largely decontaminate themselves?”

“Indeed. Where my species absorbs impurities from the air and any surfaces we come in contact with, the lining of the corridors, rooms, and vents can purify the rest within a Galactic week.” That worked out to eleven and two-third days as we currently measured them on the Ark, or fourteen and a half days on Earth. “Biofiltration is a very common way to sanitize spaces that often house multiple species to avoid destructive interactions, although the coating we use is known to be the most efficient organic solution.”

Surrendering, I ran my fingers over the wall.  Even knowing that it was grown, it still felt like sandstone under my touch. “If it is so efficient, why don’t the Ekomari use it on their ships?”

Their fingers on both vomu clacked as they tapped them together. “In absence of another organism to ingest the larger particulates, sypo is what you would consider to be too efficient.”

“Feathers clog it up?”

“Like you would not believe,” they hummed deeply - a groan, clear as day. “It actually ends up starving the sypo.”

Unbidden, my mind’s eye flashed back to the nightmares that Else had shown me early on: large flakes of the walls falling away and littering the corridor floors. “So, that was a very real thing?” There didn’t seem to be any reason to clarify, given how clearly the images had blared in my head.

“Correct. We believe that Else understood the nature of the material and was trying to show you what was happening in a way they thought you would understand.” A heavy liw gently patted my shoulder. “They meant well, even if they did not realize that it would backfire.”

I was about to ask what the Ekomari use in place of sypo as a biofilter, but my databand signaled me. Judging by the fact that it chimed, flashed, and vibrated against the bones in my wrist, this was incredibly urgent. “I’m sorry, Noah, one mom - ah, fuck…” Pinching the bridge of my nose, I mentally braced myself for what I knew would be coming in the next several days.

“Wisdom, you are distressed.”

“Departmental notification from Pranav and Zach that they will be doing system security testing over the next week. Which means Derek will be doing his best to hack into our systems and take them out, while Pranav and Zach take notes of vulnerabilities and then fix them afterward.”

The face-rubbing sigh was back. “They are not including basic ship functions in this testing, correct?”

I shook my head, relieved that I could at least provide that assurance. “Negative. Only the systems that humans will be replicating on our own once we are on Von.”

“This is still terribly inconvenient. These tests increase tension across the Ark to quite difficult levels to be around.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. It’s mostly from what happened Before, at least for the older members of the crew.  I mean, we got a Global Parliament out of it, but… there were a scary few years before we got there. And then the End happened, and the hack felt like some kind of warning looking back.”

Noah buzzed thoughtfully. “You are speaking of the gap in data we found when we were trying to download your planetary database.”

A part of me wanted to laugh at the fact that Miys continued to refer to the internet as a ‘planetary database’, but the topic was so upsetting that any kind of joy felt obscene right then. “It was… another terrorist attack, honestly.  They weren’t unusual, as terrifying as that is - I mean, you admitted yourself that not all of us were worth saving.  There was a petrochemical hack maybe five years before this one, and the attacks had been ramping up slowly even before that.  But this one.”  I shook my head trying to clear the thoughts from my head. “What we were told is that this group knew we would never take action against climate change, something about how the rich corporate would never take it seriously until they had to actually live in the nature they were destroying.”

“You are doubtful of this.” Noah’s statement was far from being a question.

Couldn’t blame him, since I didn’t believe half of what we had been told, or maybe that it was only half the story. “I wasn’t old enough to remember, but it is a recorded fact that there were actual people on Earth who had more wealth than any single country on the planet, and one was particularly known for building his fortune on the backs of employees who were worked to death or nearly to death.  It’s hard to believe that had nothing to do with it, you know.”

“If being reminded of this event causes such distress among your people, why run so many tests?”

“The hack killed people, Noah. It destroyed entire small countries, caused a lot of violence and wars. The ultra-rich may have been the targets, but the casualties were mostly people who never knew what was happening.  We want to make sure it can’t happen again.  That’s why we warn everyone what’s going on, so they know it’s not the same thing, but still do the testing.”

More clattering of vomu signaled Noah thinking again. “Your global economy depended strongly on the concept of wealth and the concept of money.  But with the current economic model you exercise, such a data security breach would not impact it.”

I shrugged. “We still worry. Not to mention the fact that, at some point, someone may try. We can try all we want to avoid the catalyst of the original events, but some of our better qualities can be just as terrible with just a twist.  Curiosity, confidence, and justice and easily turn into pride, vindictiveness, and prying. Which can lead to blackmail. And that’s just one example. Still sure we’re worth it?”

Another thoughtful buzz with some mild clicking. “I have seen your people endeavor to save a species that could have destroyed you.  I have seen you, specifically, mourn someone who deliberately attempted to end not only your life but the lives of the entire Ark.  There is much evidence to give us faith in your compassion.”

All I could do was shake my head. “I’ll try to have faith in your faith,” I murmured with a weak smile.

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[galacticlamps]

im sorry im sorry im sorry i know it’s been well over a year but i accidentally thought about Short Trips: Deleted Scenes (again) and it’s killing me (again) so i think im just gonna go ahead and post all these stupid thoughts that have been plaguing me about it since i first heard it & maybe that’ll help clear up some space in my head for like, real life things.

Spoilers I guess? It’s like a year and a half old but also high key the most recent 2nd doctor content i believe we’ve gotten which is like, the only negative thing I can say about it

The TLDR version is this:

I literally cant believe how sweet it is? Painful, but sweet. Like. I don’t honestly know what’s more likely - did they set out to write Jamie a nice little straight love interest and just fail miserably at it by constantly likening her to the Doctor AND paralleling the Doctor’s perspective with her ex’s AND putting Jamie’s relationships with both of them in direct tension with each other while constantly letting his with the Doctor win out?

OR - did they do a very 1960s thing and say hey we’re gonna write what’s essentially a story about how much Jamie and the Doctor love each other and release it on Valentine’s Day thinly disguised as a one-off romance with a french lady?

Now, as a general rule, my attitude toward questions like that is usually “don’t know, don’t care, doesn’t matter” - and while I 100% stand by that, I also have to admit that this particular audio seems to pay enough attention to detail that I’d kind of think I was selling it short if I assumed too many of these things were just meaningless coincidences, you know?

Anyway, that’s the most coherent/overarching thought. And here’s a disorganized list of things I absolutely cannot get over about it (they don’t form any kind of argument, mind, they just all happen to live rent free in my head):

- Celine is first taken in by Jamie being an idiot (specifically him claiming not to speak French, in perfect French); likewise, her entrance in the scene where they actually kiss is marked with a little anecdote about her hat getting stuck on a doornail and her scolding it as she attempts to fix her un-tameable appearance, and the narration says Celine “would often clown for Jamie like this” - all of which, while undeniably adorable, don’t exactly strike me as entirely original traits to have been assigned to Jamie’s love-interest (but also Celine is so cool and her perspective on film/media/time is an excellent addition to the long list of dr who characters)

- When they’re in the present, describing Jamie’s relationship with Celine in 1908, they call him her “companion” and highlight his going nearly everywhere with her, which earns a laugh from the 4th doctor (and me as well, though probably for slightly different reasons - but like, is that really all it takes to have a fling with someone in 60′s era who? bc if so...)

- Celine’s ex-fiance is still in love with her and is jealously watching when she kisses Jamie ... and then the Doctor appears beside him, evidently doing the exact. same. thing. They have the following conversation:

“You know, it’s not prudent to spy on people. But then, people in pain can’t be expected to act prudently.”

“Pain, monsieur? You mistake me.”

“Ah, do I? Good, because I rather thought you’d lost something.”

“What would you know about loss monsieur?”

- I’m sorry doc but who do you think you are, saying stuff like that and smiling sadly at the floor to boot? I 100% had to pause it here the first time I listened, just to not throw my laptop across the room. 

- Then when I recovered continued, the Doctor closes the door so they can’t watch anymore and explains “Possessing things comes so terribly easily to some men that losing them can feel cruel, intolerably cruel. In my experience, only the very best of men cannot be tempted to answer that cruelty with more - I do sincerely hope that you are the best of men.” (guess who gets described as the best of men by the end of the audio?)

- Jamie and the Doctor apparently develop a habit of walking along the river in Paris in silence

- During one such walk, Jamie suggests Celine come with them since she already figured out about the Tardis - and when the Doctor’s worried by this, he says he only allowed Jamie & Celine to grow closer “because of Victoria.” Jamie takes offense at the ‘allowing it’ comment and also refuses to admit he knows what the Doctor means about Victoria, which leads the Doctor to say that he knows how fond Jamie was of her - he was too, of course, but with him, “it was different, wasn’t it?” Jamie only says maybe that’s true and maybe that’s not, but his voice catches until he changes the subject

- Jamie doesn’t see Celine for days both times that she’s recovering from the shock and depression of her work being destroyed. In contrast, when the Doctor’s not well, Jamie’s "afraid” and “guilty” and hardly seems to leave his side at all, if his being there “rushing to embrace him” the second he wakes up - after a period Jamie describes as “at least a week” - is anything to go by, anyway. so either bf writers need to learn how to write a committed straight relationship or admit that’s not what they ever intended in the first place

- Oh yeah, and the Doctor spends that week "asleep” in Jamie’s bedroom - no, there’s no explanation as to if that’s where he was when he first collapsed or if it’s where Jamie decided to take him bc why would they feel the need to explain him being there? why was it even relevant to tell us it was Jamie’s room in the first place?

- The Doctor somehow manages to control the Tardis enough to take Celine on one trip to an alien planet and then return to the correct time & place for her to use the footage she recorded there in her new film - and while the audio doesn’t do very much to explain how that was possible, it does treat this as A Pretty Big Deal, and immediately afterward the Doctor has to spend a week communing with his past self (and/or the Tardis?) debating how likely it is that the Time Lords could use this to trace him. When he decides it’s not worth the risk and they have to stop the film from ever being shown to the public, Jamie asks why he agreed to it in the first place, and all he can say is “Because, Jamie, you asked me to!” earning awkward stares from the crowd.

- Oh, but, lest we forget, that little outburst is also immediately followed by him putting his arm around Jamie’s shoulders, and, shockingly, apparently beginning to actually explain the truth about the danger from the Time Lords - until they’re interrupted, of course idk why exactly but the idea of a 60s dr wanting to come clean with a companion but not being allowed to bc the show demands the war games be something of a reveal hurts me in a very good way

- The mental image of “the Doctor and Jamie, resplendent in borrowed evening wear”

- The audio admitting that Jamie’s not very good at subterfuge, and the Doctor asking if he’s going to be alright with them having to steal the film back from Celine - and Jamie’s little “Aye, Doctor” as he feels a ‘glass arrow piercing his chest’ glad to see bf is reading all my letters about exactly how i feel any time something sad happens to james robert mccrimmon

- The Doctor’s anxious to get out of there for obvious reasons, but he hangs around bc Jamie wants to see Celine again - which doesn’t happen, because of her aforementioned shock & depression, but she does leave Jamie a note that ends “you and that Doctor of yours - look after him Jamie, he loves you dearly, as do I.” yeah, if you didn’t want people to draw a parallel there, you could’ve picked, like, any other wording in the world.

- In case you weren’t fully convinced I’ve been reading too much into this whole audio already, consider this: Celine dies in Long Island in 1968, three days before her birthday - 1968 is when this story would’ve taken place in the show’s history (between Fury & Wheel), and dying three days before/after a birthday in America seems a bit... well I had some deja vu from it, anyway

- Four of all people being the one to bring back the film - I know he does it bc Sarah Jane makes him, but personally, I often feel like despite the length of his run, 4 is the Doctor with which we might’ve gotten the fewest glimpses into his interiority, so the fact that it’s him and not one of the more overtly sentimental Doctors makes it feel like it carries even more weight somehow, to me anyway. I think I wrote a post saying roughly the same thing about 4 & Fate of Krelos/Return to Telos but maybe I only did that inside my own head lol. Still, I’m all for any opportunities for Jamie to be one of the few characters to draw some noticeable emotion out of Four, but in fairness I haven’t touched too much of his EU stuff to really be able to compare the frequency with which this happens with other past companions

- Is Four referring to Two or Jamie when he says he got the film from “an old family friend”? Two did the actual stealing, but he probably means Jamie’s involvement - either way, it’s an interesting way of describing old companions - or selves?

- When Jemima goes to call Jamie a thief, Four is “roused” to defend him: “he really was the very best of men” again, any time four freely shows he cares about someone, im over the moon about it

- Oh ha ha, there’s an audio called “Deleted Scenes” featuring the Doctor who’s most affected by junked episodes. And at the end of it, a character who’s spent her life researching and lecturing about a lost film gets to watch it be ‘rediscovered’ after it’s gone unseen for decades. I feel marginally less stupid for reading into the other details of a story like this when it ends up deciding to be to be clever & slightly meta like that

But yeah

all in all, it’s kind of amazing to me that this genuinely reads like they sat down and said okay boys it’s valentines day, let’s write an audio where jamie kisses a girl, since that hasn’t happened except as a plot device in one story in 1967 - but then when they got down to business they accidentally(?) wrote a story all about how important his bond with the Doctor is and how easily that can be compared to a legitimate love interest (even if the love interest in question is a one off character & the extent of the relationship appears to be like one kiss & then having Jamie spend most of his time around the Doctor instead)

I realize there’s something slightly illogical about writing the words “shipping aside” after a post like this but seriously - no matter how many categories you’re able to see two & jamie’s relationship fitting into, this is 40 minutes of big finish just hitting you over the head with how powerful/special/important that relationship is, and with them being two of my favorite characters, i really haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since

[cmtwimagines]

Physical Comfort

EMILY PRENTISS X READER

SUMMARY: Even though your relationship had always been kept on the down low, the current case was too much for the both of you to stay apart from each other afterwards.

WARNINGS: Slight crime scene talk in the beginning, but other than that nothing!

WORD COUNT: 1.7k

PROMPT: could you do one where the BAU team comes from a case that was hard for Emily and she needs to be close to her girlfriend who is also on the team, so she sits on her lap and the team is not used to seeing this soft side of Emily? 

Both you and Emily had grown accustomed to not showing your true affection towards each other while on the job. Everyone knew you were together, but even if they didn’t they wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. Hotch made it known that you two weren’t to display any acts of public display of affection during cases, or even much while in the bullpen just to keep things clean and civilized. You both didn’t have an issue with that, and you understood where Hotch was coming from. It wouldn’t look too professional if two of his top agents were groping each other or kissing while in uniform.

But then came days like today, or more like weeks like this one where you worked all week long trying to save several children that had gone missing, each of their nanny’s missing with them. In the beginning the team didn’t even know where to start, and at that time there was only one missing kid and their nanny. By the third day you realized that the Unsub wasn’t slowing down, and while you hadn’t come across any actual bodies, one kid and their nanny would go missing each day.

It took you guys longer than you’d like to admit to figure out who the Unsub was and what their endgame was, but by time you did two nanny’s had already been found dead, and after finding the rest of them it was made aware that each of the kids were beaten like crazy.

Every time you closed your eyes you could hear the crying from outside the remote cabin you had located to be the unsubs. As you walked through the front door all you saw were children chained up to whatever could keep them in place, and bruises littered their skin. Then came the room where there was a bed for each nanny, and they were chained to the headboards, unable to move or help the children who sat just outside their door, crying out.

You couldn’t imagine how you would feel or react if you were in their situation. You knew everyone in that situation was going to need a large amount of therapy, but you guys were expected to go on like normal like you do after every case.

Children cases did tend to hit the team harder than other ones. With half the team being parents, and the other half just having a large amount of empathy, there was no escaping the sadness that would seep in when seeing children hurt. Walking into a cabin and finding multiple children with dried blood on them and bruises all over was something no one would forget any time soon. 

The drive back to the current towns police station after we caught the unsub and got medics out for all the victims was a quiet one. No one had anything to say that would help the situation that you all just walked into, so staying quiet was the best option. 

You couldn’t help the constant glances you were sending Emily’s way. You knew she was in deep thought by the way she was looking out the window without even blinking. She wasn’t paying attention to the moving scenery around us, she’s simply just staring and only seeing whatever scene is in her head. Hotch was driving, and Spencer was in the passenger seat while you and Emily were in the backseat. You wanted to reach out and grab her hand, at least letting her know you were there for her, as much as you knew she was there for you, but right as you gained the confidence to you made eye contact with Hotch in the rearview mirror and decided against it. While you’re sure that since you’re in the safe space of one of the vehicles with just him and Spencer to witness your gentle touches, you didn’t want to go against rules and potentially make any of your team members uncomfortable. 

Hotch could tell you were struggling with not moving closer to Emily. He tried to send you a gentle look, but he knows he’s bad at getting that across and instead was just able to make eye contact with you before you quickly looked away and out your window. He sighed, almost feeling guilty that you couldn’t find comfort in your own girlfriend because you were in the presence of the team. When he originally came up with the rules for the two of you, he should’ve made it more clear that behind closed doors, you two could act like the couple you were, just not a large amount of PDA.

As you walked into the police station, the chief of police thanked you guys for your work, and the entire team was quick to clean up the conference room you had all been working in before grabbing your own bags and heading off to the airport, ready to get back home. All you could think about was getting into bed and cuddling Emily, knowing you both needed the physical comfort of each other.

“Y/n, Emily, can i speak to you real quick?” Hotch asked out from the back of the plane, away from where the rest of the team was already seated. You looked at each other, both not knowing what he could want but nodded nonetheless and joined him back by the coffeemaker. 

“I’ve noticed that the rules i set might have not been the correct rulings,” he started off, “I know cases like the one we just dealt with are extremely tough, and it’s normal to want the support of loved ones. My initial rules for your relationship were that if you two were to be a couple you shouldn’t outwardly be showing affection while on a case, but i do want to state that when we are in the comfort of a safe space such as the jet or one of our vehicles, it is okay to act how you want to act.”

You were a little thrown off by his words, not expecting him to basically tell us that we could be affectionate towards each other.

“We just don’t want to make the team uncomfortable, sir,” Emily spoke up before you could. You looked at her and she made split eye contact with you for before turning her attention back to him.

“You can’t make us uncomfortable. We all support you, and when there’s cases like this it’s natural to need physical comfort. Whether you want to show in front of the team or not, that’s up to you two. I just wanted to make you aware that i won’t stop appropriate displays of affection while in the presence of just the team, and i guarantee no one else will argue me on that,” with that, he just simply nodded at us and walked back to his seat next to Rossi. The two of you looked at each other before you quickly approached her and threw your arms around her waist, tucking your head into her neck. Being at the back of the plane, and with the other team members either sleeping, reading or simply not paying attention, you knew no one was looking at you, but it still felt weird to be able to hug her so openly.

“This case was very overwhelming, huh?” you quietly asked as she rested her face on the top of your head, squeezing her arms around your shoulders. You could feel her nod before pulling away a bit and looking up at her.

“Let’s sit,” she moved her head indicating to the double seater right next to the two of you. You sat down first, grabbing Emily’s hand to pull her down directly next to you. Now you may be the softie within the entire team, but when Em was in a lethargic mood and around you, she softened up more than the team knew. She never showed much emotion except for the few times someone within the team has gotten hurt, but you could tell that this case was upsetting her.

“You wanna tell me whats going on in your head?” you whispered out, setting your forehead against hers as she leaned even more into you, wrapping her arm around your own. She was naturally clingy with you, and unknowingly to you, J.J, Spencer and Derek had all taken notice to your guys’ closeness. 

“I just...” she paused, clearly at a loss for words. You looked at her, your heart aching a bit for the sadness that was so evident on her face. You nodded, leaning up to give her a kiss on the forehead before she moved even closer to you which seemed impossible, but there she was practically sitting on you lap. You wrapped your arms around her, closing your eyes as you leaned back in your seat and let her rest her head in your neck this time. You knew with time she’d find the words to describe to you how she was feeling, but right now on your few hour long flight home, you were both just needing some physical comfort. 

Derek couldn’t hide the small smile at the sight of the two of you, gaining both Rossi and Hotch’s attention as they turned around to see what he was looking at. 

“I’d never thought i’d see the day where Emily looks even softer than y/n does,” Rossi quietly joked as both him and Hotch turned back around in their seats. Everyone shared a small smile, looking at the two of you one more time before going back to what they were doing. 

From then on, your small touches and gentle words to each other grew on the team, and they were no longer surprised at how soft they found Emily to be. If anything they were impressed that she was so good at being a leader but at the end of the day it was like she was a sloth, just needing to hang on you and gain comfort from your touch. You both were good at hiding your relationship from the general public for the sake of being professional, but you were thankful you had the team you did who supported you two for all that you were.

[ddarker-dreams]

Darling dating someone else: Yan Team Bucciarati

ngl if you want the short answer it’d be a DISASTER but here’s the long answer

Giorno: 

Giorno isn’t an overly jealous type. It isn’t that he’s happy with the situation, but it isn’t enough to make him act without thinking. He’s the type that would want to win you over as naturally as possible, so jumping the gun and offing your s/o wouldn’t be the best action. That being said, Giorno takes the opportunity to one up them. He knows he’s better, and doesn’t need to rush things. 

He can offer you everything your partner cannot. Expensive trips to exclusive restaurants, covering your rent, making plenty that you wouldn’t ever need to work again. While Giorno isn’t an expert in love, having not grown up with any positive figures in his life, he’s quick to catch on. If it’s not gifts that you’re fond of, his charisma should pull you in. Giorno listens to sympathizes with you so well, it’s almost unnatural. Always having the words to make you feel better, or making situations that troubled you disappear. 

Unfortunately, Giorno can’t lavish you in all the attention he might want to offer. As the Don of Passione, he doesn’t have a lot of free time. If things aren’t progressing as he would prefer, framing your partner for a crime and paying a few folks off to make sure he’s convicted is the next step. All the while Giorno will welcome you with open arms, a solid rock during the turbulent time. He makes a convincing argument to rely on him. 

“I can’t imagine how much you be hurting. If there’s anything you think I can do to help ease the pain, I’ll do it.” 

Mista: 

It’s not gonna be pretty. Once you’ve caught Mista’s eye, he’s under the impression the two of you are dating. You smiled at once of his jokes once, so that’s got to mean something. He has always been on the handsy side with you, an arm around your shoulder here and an amorous hug there. Mista isn’t the type to feel the need for labels, he goes with the flow. So imagine his surprise when he’s watching you from afar, and some guy claiming to be your boyfriend strolls up. 

He’ll bring it up to you casually, thinking maybe it’s a silly misunderstanding. Because c’mon, how obvious has he been? Calling you babe, treating you to lunch? So when you explain you thought he was just being friendly, and that person is indeed your boyfriend, he gets real quiet. When you question him about it he’ll bounce back, heading off with a grin and wave. As much as he adores spending time with you, there’s some stuff he needs to take care of. 

A few broken fingers and ripped out teeth later, the unfortunate soul scampers off after being threatened. Leaving you none the wiser as to why your s/o has cut off all contact with you. Should you ever run into him again in public, he’d be running away at the sight of you. Mista’s endless  amount of threats and violence ensure that. 

“Real shame about that guy, ditching you like that. Such a scummy move. Hey, I’m free all week, if you just wanna hang out and watch movies to feel better. Whatever you want.” 

Narancia:

Kinda like Mista where he feels you two already have a connection. Narancia monopolizes a lot of your time to begin with, tagging along with you whenever time allows. He sticks to your hip like glue, no matter how mundane a task you’re performing. That’s how much fun you are to him, that Narancia will pick you over doing anything else. Since you don’t seem to mind (or if you are uncomfortable, he’s oblivious to it), Narancia thinks you must feel the same. 

When he sees you with someone else in public, who is way too close for Narancia’s liking, he assumes you’re uncomfortable. Due to how much he cares for you, he’s on his way to defend your honor. The scene is a horrifying one, Narancia comes with his knife out to your partner’s throat, threatening them in a low tone to back the fuck away from you. You’ll need to deescalate the situation, but even that is almost impossible. 

He’s genuinely heart broken to find out you’re with someone else. As soon as the rushed explanation leaved your mouth, his blood runs cold. This entire time... did he just misunderstand things? He’s confused, and you’re looking at him like you’re scared. Why are you scared? Narancia would never hurt you, so stop looking at him like that, he can’t handle it. Having been left by so many people in his life, he would be distressed at the thought of you leaving him too.

“No, no, this isn’t right...! You’re supposed to look at me like that! I don’t understand.” 

Fugo: 

Fugo takes a tentative approach to you. While he can recognize the feelings you provoke within him are probably love, that’s as far as his understanding goes. He can go from wanting to spend a lot of time with you, to needing his distance. This sensation of being so out of control reminds him of his anger, and it makes Fugo uncomfortable. So he needs time to sort it out. It’s all going decently until he stumbles across the fact you’re already taken. 

He finds it... almost offended? This level of hurt doesn’t come often, as Fugo doesn’t let others grow close to him. You managed to do just that, and because of it, he’s ended up hurt. He’s upset with himself, with you, and with the person you’re dating. It’s a festering wound that can’t be healed, only growing worse as he leaves it unattended. He’ll stop responding to your texts and calls, giving you the cold shoulder. 

It doesn’t take more than a few days for him to give up on that. Your presence is far too addicting, and going without you makes him feel worse. The extra time to be alone with his thoughts is a nightmare. He’ll pop back into your life as if nothing ever happened, waving off any concerns you had about him randomly withdrawing. The only catharsis he experiences is when he beats the guy to an inch of his life later, and then allowing Purple Haze to get rid of the evidence.

“Hm? That? I told you, work picked up and I got busy. If you missed me so much, just say.”

Bucciarati: 

He’s similar to Giorno, where he knows his worth. Bucciarati doesn’t view himself as perfect per se, knowing his own shortcomings, but believes he could make you happy. Having all the resources to do so, and plenty of love to offer you to accompany it. How he deals with it depends on your level of attachment, but you can expect a lot of strings being pulled behind the scenes. 

Everyone in the community adores Bucciarati. He’s a beloved figure who people look up to, giving him some helpful leeway. Why should you have any reason to disbelieve him when Bucciarati voices concerns about your lover? He’ll take you out to dinner one night, in private, then provide photos (possibly forged or staged), of your partner being involved in unsavory business. Then he’ll be the shoulder you cry on afterwards, soothing you and cooing encouragement into your ear.

Sets himself up to be a savior in your eyes. Don’t worry about a thing, he’ll handle all of it. If you feel too scared to go back to your residence, you can always stay the night with him. Or however long you need. You could never be a burden, and he’ll assure you of that. This act of benevolence is hard to pass on, as Bucciarati lulls you into a false sense of security.

“Shh, shh... I know, I know. It hurts, but don’t forget to take care of yourself. Let’s get you to bed, you’ve had a long day.” 

Abbacchio: 

He doesn’t like how he feels. Getting close to others, while tempting, opens up too many hurtful possibilities. Shame, regret, betrayal... all of it has been heaped on him before, why would he ever want to experience it again? So when you in all of your kindness manages to capture his tattered heart, he’s at a loss. Abbacchio gave up on any attempts of happiness long ago, and yet, here you are. And here he is, a fool in love, feeling undeserving. 

There’s a lot of alcohol gone through the night he figures out you’re not single. Self deprecating thoughts, just wanting to black out and forget about it all. Of course. Of course someone as good as you would be taken, he’s an idiot to think otherwise. Knowing that someone else is your comfort, your happiness, makes him sick to his stomach. He eventually just blacks out, and he’s grateful for the release unconsciousness brings.

Unfortunately, when he wakes up, it all hits him again like a bag of bricks. As tempting as it is to hole himself up in his apartment and wallow in his misery, he has to come out eventually. So when he does, his mind is at work. Doing his own research on your partner, disappointed to find nothing exploitable. He despises himself the entire time -- feeling disgusting and utterly corrupt -- but is too far gone. He’s human, he’s selfish. And he’s nothing without the light you bring. 

“I’m saying this for your own sake. Be more careful, you’re so naive. You don’t know how many people might try to take advantage of that.” 

[stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland]

🌹 - ɟ

Hiii babies and dear Anons 👋🏼🤗 You know how it works by now. These are the answers to the asks Mari/Stuck sent me. And happy Valentine’s Day to you all!! 🌹🌹 Enjoy 🙃

 A lot of people have been interested in them, dear Anon. From managers, to publicists, to sponsors, partnerships, producers, etc., etc. and no, it was never a problem between them. That’s part of their job.

 No, dear Anon. Camila and Ashlee are best friends. Ash ships/ped Camren. She has helped them a lot of times. I know why you thought this. Just as I know it may seem that Ash takes advantage of Camila because she created a lot of videos with her, made two songs about her, and brings her up at every opportunity, but it’s not what it seems. Do you have any idea how hard it is to try to emerge as an artist in that world? Do you have any idea how many artists there are out there that you’ll never hear about because they’ll never make it to the top? Why do you know Ashlee? Thanks to 5H. Without having been their guitarist, you wouldn’t even know she existed. The fans that Juno has, are Harmonizers/Camilizers and some that she managed to make herself afterwards.

Ash is a real friend to our Mila. She has helped her more times than we could ever know, even by leaving the tour to help her friend. And Camila’s the same for her. Did you know that on June 13, 2020, in the face of the Black Lives Matter Movement she helped Ashlee sponsor a free scholarship for 20 black students to participate in the JUNO’s Guitar Bootcamp to help them create more opportunities in that field in their future? [Diana Foster, who I believe is her girlfriend or a great friend of hers anyway, also helped] Why on earth would Camila willingly help someone who ‘presumably’ would be taking advantage of her friendship? May I suggest you go watch one of the last videos they have together in Camila’s backstage? It dates back to 2019. Go watch it, dear Anon, and tell me if you don’t get an automatic smile on your lips.

 Forgive me, Anon, with all due respect speaking, but what are you saying? “Camila has made mistakes (she has not been the best girlfriend possible)?” Are you for real? What are you talking about? Camila made her mistakes, but so did Lauren. So why are you only pointing the finger at Camila? Did you pay attention to their story? Did you hear/see what Lauren said on the podcast? Have you ever listened to their songs WELL? Because apparently, you didn’t. A couple is made up of two people and mistakes are made by two, not just by one.

 No, dear Anon. Closer was never a song of hers in the first place, let alone one she could sell. The Chainsmokers wanted her in the song. She recorded a rough demo for them and then turned it down. I know that when she turned it down and they passed it on to Halsey, she wrote and contributed to some of the lyrics (she appears as a songwriter in the credits), so I believe she wrote those in the place of the ones Mila wrote in her version, but I’m not sure. I don’t know if Camila had the time to write her part like Ashley (Halsey) did, or if she directly recorded the demo as she did with The Middle. Until it’s leaked, we won’t have an answer.

The fact is that Closer was simply a project that was proposed to her when she was still in 5H and that she turned down because 7/27 was about to come out. Just as she declined to participate in Taylor Swift’s Bad Blood music video for them (5H). And I still wonder how the haters still consider her a bitch 🙄🙄

 Ligas, or hair bands, or también se dice colitas, verdad? Or hair ties as I like to call them, were originally Lauren’s. Lauren had two on her wrist at X-Factor and then, magically, one ended up on Camila’s wrist. I personally think that was their first symbol, but of friendship. And no, dear Anon, they didn’t replace the rings. The rings didn’t yet exist at that time. If the rings were one of their symbols of love, the hair ties were symbols of friendship, at least in the beginning.

P.S. dear Anon, I would like that as soon as you finish reading this post, you’d type ‘garters’ on Google and click directly on images 🤣 I really, REALLY, love you for this, believe me 😉❤️

 I watched all the interviews held in Spain in 2015 and you can see the differences, dear Anon. The two interviews with Revista Bravo and the one with Vodafone Yu are more or less normal. There’s tension between all of them because the big mess had recently happened. But in Alyson’s one with NSP PROJECTS and the one with LOS40 in which Alyson is in as well… Gosh… Your second question is my answer, dear Anon. Yes, they broke up, but that was even before they went to Europe.

As for your last question, on the one hand, I think she was single, attracted to the interviewer, and that she didn’t have to be accountable to anyone because being single, she could do whatever she wanted. But on the other hand, I think it may have been done on purpose for revenge since they’ve always played these jealousy games. I don’t think she managed to control herself though. It shows in both of those interviews, although it’s much more evident in the one with NSP PROJECTS. I don’t think she really realized the gravity of what she was doing because she was too wrapped up in Alyson and too busy in impressed her than everything else. I don’t think she noticed, at least not during the interviews, how hurt Lauren was.

I don’t want to tell you yes or no if her behavior was correct or not, simply because I don’t know if she did it because as I said she was single and didn’t have to answer to anyone, or if she did it out of revenge because she wanted Laur to be jealous. My instinctive response would be that it wasn’t corrected because of the effect it had on Laur who was also going through the dark diary period, but I don’t really know why Mila did what she did. She may have had her reasons, and maybe knowing them, my answer would be different, or the same. I don’t know because I don’t know the reasons behind this. Lauren has done a lot of things in the past that have hurt Camila, and Camila has done a lot of things in the past that have hurt Lauren. They’ve hurt each other many times. Sometimes on purpose and sometimes not. So I prefer to abstain because, at least in this case, I don’t feel like judging something I don’t know. Much less point the finger.

 Hi @ camilalauren0327 😄👋🏼 yeah, writing is therapeutic for them, as it is for many other people, myself included. Dancing was for me as well. Many people find it therapeutic to play sports, others find it in various forms of art, etc., etc.

I don’t know if Camren did couples therapy 🤷🏻‍♀‍ I think if they really did it, they did it after 5H.

Doctors of all kinds, and therefore also psychologists, consultants, therapists, psychiatrists, etc. are bound by the federal law HIPAA (Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act). Many therapists themselves indeed, prefer to establish confidentiality limits even before starting therapy. For example, the fact that they’re required to maintain therapy content is established regardless, but with you, they can determine who they can contact with your written permission, or if they can’t contact anyone. If YOU client prefer it, you can also establish that outside those four walls, you’re not really in therapy and that therefore if you meet your therapist in a supermarket, for example, they’ll pretend not to know you and will not acknowledge you at all in order to protect your client-therapist confidentiality. So, at the end of the day, it really depends on you and what you establish with your therapist.

This, however, is sometimes not enough for celebrities. Those who really, but really care about privacy and don’t want to take risks, require their therapist to also sign an NDA as a backup and reinforcement plan, so that it covers everything, including sections that HIPAA doesn’t administer.

Both, dear @camilalauren0327, and hi again 👋🏼😊 In the Consequences video and on the day of Say You Won’t Let Go she was paying tribute to Lauren and to the old Camila. For Consequences, that was one of the many symbols we find in the video that served as a clue. For Say You Won’t Let Go it was yes a tribute to Lauren and to old Camila, but it was more of a message for her. The song was for her, the bow was for her, and the rose on her pants was for her. It was like: “Hey, I’m still here. I’m still me. See the bow? See the rose? The song? It’s all for you. The title of the song already speaks for itself. Let’s try again”. That was indeed still the period of rapprochement between them. As for the other times she wore it, and I remember that she even wore it around her neck on more than one occasion, it was for style.

 Sure thing, dear Anon 🙃 Curious is a song discarded from the album Camila, and I don’t know if you’ll like my interpretation, dear Anon, because this song is not about Lauren (for me).

Verse 1

“I lose myself when you start talkin’

There’s something riveting about you, it’s got me confused”

Camila finds this girl so fascinating, that not only does she gets lost when she talks, but it also makes her confused. Confused because she didn’t think another girl could have this effect on her while her mind was always on Lauren. And yes, girl. It’s not the first time that Camila has had to mask this in her songs.

“If we went back to your apartment

Would you be a gentleman and a bad boy too?”

She’s provocative here. She’s literally provoking and teasing the girl: “Could you be sweet and at the same time rough enough to slamming me against the wall?” If you know what I mean…

Pre-Chorus

“I know you think, I’m innocent

Little do you know where my mind has been?”

When you see Camila in videos and interviews, you’re hit by her energy 80% of the time. She’s this cute and goofy and clumsy and dorky ball of bubbly energy that cracks a smile from you all the time. She’s funny with her lame jokes that however always make you laugh, and most of the time, you see her in this innocent light. And it’s true. She looks like this innocent little bean that must be protected at all costs. But we also know that she’s far from innocent. And here, that’s what she’s telling the girl: “If you knew what I’ve been thinking about you, about us, about what I want to happen, you’d understand that I’m not that innocent after all.”

“I don’t have much experience

Could you relieve me of my ignorance?”

The only sexual experience Camila had had up to that point, had been with Lauren. So unlike this girl, Camila had only had one partner, and she’s telling her just that: “I don’t have much experience as you do. Could you help me out?”

“It’s true (It’s true, it’s true)

Been wondering about you”

Here she’s basically questioning whether the expectation equals the reality.

Chorus

“I’m just cu—, I’m just curious

What you do, just got the two of us

Hit me down, take me up

Can you teach me how to love?

I’m just curious”

She’s telling her that what they do in private between them, will stay between the two of them. And then… Ahem-Ahem! *Throat clearing* I’m really trying to hold back as much as possible here guys… If I hadn’t received complaints in the past about some of the answers I gave in other posts, I wouldn’t have had any kind of problem explaining exactly what she says sentence by sentence, but I’ll just limit myself by saying that she’s asking her to teach her to be more expert on the subject matter.

Post-Chorus

“Dum, dum-dum-dum

You got me feeling

Dum, dum-dum-dum

You got me feeling”

This girl makes her feel in a certain type of way that Camila herself refrains from saying what she really wants to say. Still if you know what I mean…

Verse 2

“I’m kinda nervous but I like it (Yeah)”

Because it’s a good kind of nervous. An exciting kind of nervous.

“Will you live up to the image that I got of you?”

Again. As I said before, she’s basically asking if the expectation equals the reality.

“You’re not usually my type, yeah

I think that that might be the reason that I’m here with you (Oh, oh)”

And this, speaks for itself. Who’s Camila’s type? With whom is she making the comparison? Who does she have in mind to justify her actions? She’s there with this girl because her type is who?

Before I wrap up, I want to explain to you why this song has nothing of Lauren for me. So I’m going to rewrite some pieces of the song to debunk it’s about Lauren.

“If we went back to your apartment”

Lauren didn’t have an apartment yet. She wasn’t living alone yet. 5H had two apartments that they shared together in the months of recording, and for the rest, they lived constantly in hotels. This girl (older than her) had an apartment.

“I know you think, I’m innocent”

Lauren and Camila had already had sex. Hello? Since the Like Friends Do situation. So she’s not talking about Lauren because she already knew Camila wasn’t innocent.

“I don’t have much experience”

Again. Experience she’d precisely had with Laur.

“Been wondering about you”

She had to wonder about Lauren if she had already been with her sexually? What would have been the sense?

“What you do, just got the two of us”

If she was really talking about Lauren, this would’ve been a big bullshit because there were people who knew about them. The ones closest to them for sure. Like DNA. DNA knew about them right from the start and lived their story basically along with them. Not to mention that they heard them on more than one occasion. Hell, even we heard them thanks to that takeover.

“You’re not usually my type”

Definitely not Lauren! Isn’t Lauren Camila’s type? In which universe?

“I think that that might be the reason that I’m here with you”

Exactly! This girl, whether it was physically or of character, wasn’t like Lauren.

Aaand these are the reasons why I’m 100% sure this song is not about Lauren, dear Anon.

 Of course I can, dear Anon 😄

Cleopatra is a song discarded from the album Camila, and created during The Hurting. The Healing. The Loving. era. C ended Something’s Gotta Give in mid-March 2017 and we know it was the last song of The Hurting. The Healing. The Loving. era before the album name changed to Camila, so Cleopatra was finished before that.

Verse

“Ridin’ ‘round town in the backseat

Looking like the real deal

Looking real, real, real

Spent so long cuttin’ my teeth

Thought you were the real deal

But it wasn’t real, real, real, uh”

Camila is in the back of a car and, you know how sometimes you find yourself spacing out and thinking about something in those moments? Maybe by looking out the window but not really looking because you’re thinking about that something? It can be something trivial or something important, and in Camila’s case, in this case specifically, she’s overthinking about her relationship with Lauren. They had clearly broken up, and Camila is thinking about how she believed L was the real deal.

With ‘cuttin’ my teeth’ she used a slang to indicate that she learned something early in her life. The slang of cut my/your/her/his/their teeth was born in reference to the exit of the teeth from a baby’s gums and consequently indicates a first experience. So, here she means that she spent too much time learning the ropes believing for real that Lauren was for her, and then realize that she wasn’t.

[Don’t be discouraged and keep in mind that in this case, they were passing thoughts because she was definitely angry, bitter, and sad. We all are after a fight or a breakup with a partner. Besides, we all know that L is the love of her life. Think of songs like Never Be the Same (It’s you, babe), All These Years ('Cause after all these years, I still feel everything when you are near), Taxy (The greatest love story that’s never been told), and many others up to one of the ‘most recent’ ones: Anyone (You are the only one I’ll ever love) 😉]

Pre-Chorus

“Every night it was a different fight

It was a different girl

It was a different lie, ooh-ooh

Every night it was a different fight

It was a different girl

It was a different lie, ooh”

Aaaand back at it again with their communication problems. Even if she has generalized a lot here, she still makes us understand the essence of the problem.

Chorus

“I think I kinda wanna cut my hair like I’m

I’m Cleopatra”

When people move on or try to move on after a breakup, what do they usually do? They look for a change. They want to separate themselves from their past selves, of the ones they were when they were in a relationship with the person they broke up with, and they seek a change, aka self-improvement. Most of the time visual, and therefore physical. This change is seen as a new beginning, a new chapter in their life where they want to feel good again. They want to feel attractive. And this is how self-innovation begins. Some go on a diet, others change their style and wardrobe, and then there’s what many see as a rite of passage: a new haircut.

Camila in this case used Cleopatra’s cut as a metaphor for the change she wanted to make about herself. Cleopatra is one of the most famous known queens in the world. Strong, intelligent, powerful, and that radiates charm in everyone since ever. But Camila isn’t talking about Cleopatra the person. She’s talking about her haircut. Cleopatra’s cut in this case is a symbol of power and freedom for Camila. Remember how I said earlier that Camila finished Something’s Gotta Give in mid-March and that she finished this song before that? Well, although this song talks about 2015, it was made in 2017. And guess what happened in that same period? Camila cut her hair by getting bangs. To be precise, it happened on March 31, 2017 (picture + caption: “joined the bang club now”). Coincidence? Yeah, sure, I don’t think so. Plus, although she used it as a metaphor, Camila has actually always wanted a Cleopatra cut, thing that, if you think about it, she now has for real. [Oh, oh and, rumor has it that Cleopatra was bisexual as was 100% Julius Caesar🤫🤭]

“Wanna dance on cars

And forget it all after

Skip these sad love songs cause I

Need something faster and now baby

Kinda think I’m ready”

The freedom I was saying before? (Cleopatra’s cut in this case is a symbol of power and freedom for Camila) She talks about it here. She used the wanting to dance on cars and the skipping sad love songs as figurative expressions of the freedom she wanted to feel, and that she wanted to feel fast because there was gonna be no crying in the club this time. 🤣🤣🤣 Sorry, dear Anon, I had to 😝 No but, seriously though. She just wanted to shed the past and move on right away because she was ready. And she was also ready for the power part I referred to earlier that she explains here:

Post-Chorus

“Needed to be all eyes on me

Baby all eyes on me, ooh

That’s what I want

Needed to be all eyes on me

Baby all eyes on me, ooh

That’s what I want, yeah”

Now. Now, now, now, now, now, now, now. We have a double interpretation here. I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again: Camila is a fucking genius. And being the fucking genius lyricist that she is, she used a double meaning here to let everyone interpret this part as they please. The double interpretation is so well hidden, that people who listen to this song without knowing the details, such as for example knowing something about Camila’s life or the year the song was made, would never know because they wouldn’t even notice.

The first interpretation ties into what she says about wanting to dance on cars in the chorus. That’s also a way of saying she just wants to dance thoughtlessly and have fun, but on cars? It’s a metaphor to say that she wants to do it by drawing everyone’s attention. I want you to picture something now, okay? Picture a party with a bunch of people dancing and drinking, and in the midst of the fun, someone climbs on the hood of a car or a counter or any other high surface to keep dancing. Can you picture what would happen at that moment? Can you picture how all the people there would turn to look at that person and shout, clap, and cheer them on? Now picture the same scenario with a person still climbing on something high, but to announce something. It’s the same thing. It’s the same purpose. Getting on top, getting on top of something, is to automatically draw attention. So the connection that leads us to the first interpretation is: Wanna dance on cars - Needed to be all eyes on me.

The second interpretation, on the other hand, is basically the same as regards wanting attention on her, but with another direction and another chorus sentence. Camila is a singer. She’s a performer. She LOVES to perform. She LOVES the excitement, the adrenaline rush, the anxiety, the nerves, the pressure, and the feeling of shitting herself before entering a stage. She LOVES the almost blinding stage lights, the screams, the cheers, the applause, and all the love from the fans. She LOVES mastering the stage, interacting with the audience, and delivering a show. She sings her heart out and LOVES it when the audience sings back to her. She has so much passion and she’s so fucking good at what she does. Why am I saying all this? Because with this hidden interpretation, Mila refers to her solo debut. Like I said, this song was made in 2017, remember? So the connection that leads us to the second interpretation is: Now baby, kinda think I’m ready - Needed to be all eyes on me. Ready for her debut.

Both indicate the attention and power (feeling of power) that I mentioned earlier that comes with it.

Bridge

“See, see

You right to be that

You bein’, you needin’

See, see

You right to be that

You bein’, you needin'”

This part is cryptic. Since they broke up here, I think she’s just saying that it’s okay. That it’s okay for Lauren to be the way she is and that it’s okay if they’re letting each other go (Yeah, sure, Jan 🤣). No hard feelings. Or at least, that’s my interpretation.

—

Before concluding this post, I’d like to make amends. My friend, the same one I ‘roasted’ in my last post (📄 - ɟ), hey, hi girl 😝 literally shoved her phone in my face a few days ago to show me an ask sent to @emisonme (hi to you too if you’re reading 👋🏼😄) in which I was mentioned. I’d like to apologize to all of you because I made a mistake, although not intentionally. I didn’t know Simon was no longer one of the directors of Simco Limited. I went to check it out and immediately understood why I didn’t know. Because it happened more or less recently (on September 17, 2020) and I hadn’t done a thorough research on the piece of shit since last summer (July) when Syco integrated into Sony.

I got really mad at myself for doing one of the things I hate: giving out wrong information. Camila and Lauren are ‘free’ from Simon, and I put that in quotes because one of the clauses that are in every Simmenthal Cow contract includes not being able to speak ill of him. I’m not kidding. This is a piece of an article from many years ago that is still on the internet today that talks about X Factor contracts: “The contract, which runs for 80 pages, also reportedly states that the rules are enforceable anywhere ‘in the world and solar system’ and that artists may not be critical of the company, ‘including its personnel and, in particular, Simon Cowell’. The contract makes clear no-one can speak badly of X Factor supremo Simon.”

Supremo… Supremo? Like what, the Supreme from American Horror Story (some fans of the series like me here)? Should I start calling him Cordelia? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I could never. I’m sorry Sarah (Paulson) for even giving it the slightest thought, love. I’m deeply ashamed. Sooo, like what? A supremo Super Saiyan (Dragon Ball)? If he clenches his hands into fists and screams, does his hair turn blonde? No, huh? So like what exactly? The supremo asshole? You know what? It doesn’t matter. He’s ridiculous enough per se.

Anyway.  Camren are free I hope completely from Simon, but we don’t know yet if the contract ended along with Simon’s exit or if it’s still standing. We’ll see as soon as one of them releases a new song.

Please accept my sincere apologies, guys 🙏🏼 And thank you @emisonme for giving me a great news, albeit indirectly. You’re a real one 😊

🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍

Aaand I’m done 🙈 I hope I was helpful in this case too. As usual, I’m always available for those who have questions, so feel free to ask 🙃 And as always, I thank Mari for giving me space in her blog and for making this exchange possible, and thanks to you Anons for your asks 🥰

Be kind, to others and to yourselves. Be a good example. Be patient. Be safe and take care of yourselves. Sending you virtual love and hugs 🤗🤗🤗 I love you, babies. Always with love, F ❤️

P.S. who wants to be my virtual Valentine? 🌹 🌹 🌹

____

I have to say sorry to F again because this submission should be posted last night and I couldn’t. Thanks for the long ass post F. 

Another advice, I closed the inbox for anons as you know and I will open it again in a few days when I don’t be too busy. Save your asks for F anyway, anons!

[jamestrmtx]

Fairytale Complex - [Undertale | Sans x Reader]

[Gender Neutral, Frisk's Parent Reader | Slow Burn]

Chapter Twelve | Danger Mystery (Part 1 of 2)

[First] | [Previous] | [Next]

Today's the day, and though there's no going back now, one look at the last message your ex sent you makes you wish you could.

I'll 🐝 there in 30 ⌚, babe. 😘😘😘

💋💖🥺 Miss you. 🥺💖💋

K.

The overuse of emojis topped off with him calling you ‘babe’ makes you regret so much as the thought of meeting him already.

It's hard to imagine a normal conversation with Jerry given how awfully long it's been since you last talked and how blatant you were being through texts, ignoring all the ones about the info he dug up on monsterkind and only answering his most recent message with a 'K'. You didn't want to hear his reasons behind his absence after how bad things were left between you, and even less did you want him to call you 'babe' in real life. Grateful as you are to have Toriel offer her home as the place for your meeting with him, you look forward to this as much as you do having to wake up at five in the morning every weekday. Her home is busy as a result of the upcoming visitor, with Papyrus trying to make himself look like the most sophisticated gentleman possible, Toriel fixing Frisk's hair into two short braids, Undyne freshening up after exercising all her own nervousness away, Alphys practicing her introductory speech, and Sans revising Frisk's homework.

Considering how much of a handful the last person has been, you decide to take that as an opportunity for you to bother him yourself -- not only as payback, but as a way to prepare yourself to confront Jerry soon.

You approach the couch he sits on and stand behind him, his sitting height and your standing one allowing you to grab a look at what he's doing with more detail. He's around halfway through correcting Frisk's Math homework, and their English speech is already set aside with a few marks and commentary on what they had left to work with. His revision stops when you hover a little closer, making him acknowledge your presence and set the notebook aside to turn around and meet with your eyes.

"How do I look?

That's the first question you ask him, a bit of confidence shining through with how your health's managed to improve a bit since your hospitalization. While you still have to use foundation to cover up your stress blemishes and you're far from being as fit as Jerry was, it's a huge difference from how you were at the start of it all. As a result, you smile, ready to hear someone else's view of you besides Frisk, Brenda, or yourself.

"'Fraid you're asking the wrong person, pal," he replies, gaze averting from yours.

"C'mon," you insist, sitting next to him on the couch. You then shift a bit closer to the skeleton and nudge his shoulder, pouting at him after that. "Please?," you add, facing him again. "You're… You're the only one I trust who won't sugarcoat how I look if you pointed out those 'love handles' I've got a while back." 

He manages to keep his gaze and attention on the conversation, though you can see he tries to look elsewhere every so often, as if unable to stare at you for too long.

"So? I was just makin' a comparison between us, not callin' you out or anything."

"But you were still bold enough to say I had them."

You pull your hand back, noticing it's been kept on his shoulder for far too long. Then, you scoot away, growing aware of how close you are. "I don't want him to think I'm still hung up over him." You huff. "It's been almost six years now!"

"Are you still thinkin' about 'im, though?"

"Oh, hell no. He can go date whoever he wants."

Sans grabs the area where you'd touched him; the sight of that makes you worry if you'd involuntarily crossed a line with him. You're not sure how to ask if you've made him uncomfortable, so you back off and shift further away in your seat, setting your hands on your lap and staring down afterwards. "He was… nice enough to wait until I finished my second year of college for us to call our relationship off and for him to leave the picture, so I can't really blame him too much for what happened." You take in some air and look up again, maintaining your pride. "But that still doesn't mean I don't want to look my best. I've moved on, and I... I really want all that to show today."

Appearing convinced, Sans nods once and sits up straighter on the couch. Whatever made him wary of eye contact vanishes and allows him to judge you without any bias, irises scanning your face for a moment. He carries on to your attire, though it's a quicker observation in comparison and a hint of embarrassment can be seen in his body language, from how stiff his shoulders get to how his grin feels forced and bashful. "You look good. Not much different from your regular self, I'd say."

"Please, be honest with me here, Serif. I know I didn't exactly... look my best when we first met, y'know? It's fine."

"But I am being honest." Again, he averts his gaze from yours, posture staying rigid as he faces the table and stares at the open notebook. "You don't need to try and look like you've moved on, 'cause it already shows -- And even more now that you look healthier, too."

Unsure how to approach his comment, you grab your knees and clench your hands around them, sighing after. "If you really think so, then I..." You breathe in, chest feeling tighter than the belt around your waist. "Thank you."

You stand up and fix your clothes for what has to be the twentieth time today. Your heart's racing just as much as your thoughts. Honest to goodness, you were nervous over meeting Jerry again, and not because of butterflies or lingering feelings, but for how much had happened since he last visited. At the thought of him meeting the monsters and learning all about the near two months Frisk was absent from your side, your worries heighten and anxiety eats right through your confidence. 

Nervous, you gulp and look back to the couch again, offering the one still sitting there a smile. "Could you... follow me outside, please?" You wring your hands, clasping them as a subtle plead shows on your face. "I could really use your company right now."

Sans laughs at that, nodding again as he stands up, dusts off, and joins your side, winking when he looks up at you. "Thought you'd never ask, (Y/N)."

You still can't help feeling strange at the sound of him saying your name. 

While you're fully aware it was nothing out of the ordinary and that he was now in closer enough terms with you to call you that instead of 'pal' or (L/N), there remains a sudden flip in your stomach whenever he says it. Whether it was due to how wary you've become around him or how incessant he was with his flirting, it's still impossible for you to acknowledge that and get over those feelings. No way were you wasting any of your time and energy thinking about that stuff, anyway.

• • •

The temperature changes as you both step outside.

In contrast to the warmth and coziness of Toriel's home, you're greeted by cold and unrelenting winds, along with the colder, occasional water droplets falling on your face. The hint of a downpour coming soon makes you dwell on your past visit here and how you were obliged to stay the night back then. You wonder if the same ending will apply for today, or if you would have to cut your reunion short as a consequence.

"Guessin' those months without the kid around were pretty draining, huh? You look way happier compared to when we first met." Sans breaks the ice, though his hands are kept in his pockets to shield himself from both the cold and any awkward body language. "When I think about it, it's… It's kinda hard to believe it's already been just as long since we left the Underground -- And that it's gonna be Frisk's birthday soon, too." 

You face down at him, smiling when you meet with his gaze. "Has it felt like less or longer to you?"

"A weird mix between the two, actually."

You look away from each other at the sound of an engine rumbling from nearby. A familiar, red colour flashes before your eyes; the Ferrawrxd that parks at the sidewalk brings back memories, ones you try to push down. "Tori was already plannin' out somethin' for 'em by that time," the skeleton says, distracting you from the view. "Has she talked about it with you?"

"Not yet," you reply, facing your shoes. "But I wanted to ask her if she'd like to help out -- It's the least I can do with how much she cares for Frisk."

Despite your best efforts not to, you tense up at the sound of a person stepping down and a car door being shut and locked.

Now that you're actually about to confront your ex, it's hard for you to keep your confidence and face up at that sight. "You should do it, then." Again, Sans's voice helps melt your worries down. "I'm sure she'll be more than happy to join you in that -- And pretty much the rest of Frisk's friends, too." You can feel his gaze on you, though you don't look at him, still too anxious to move your eyes away from the floor. "And I'd be more than happy to help also, so just say the word if you need me."

The earthy scent of roses catches you off guard and makes you look up to see a large, white-and-red bouquet being offered out to you, ex-husband standing behind them. "How's it going, babe?" he asks, a smile present on his face. "I missed you."

You back up against the door to Toriel's home and face the man in front of you with careful eyes. Your breathing hitches with how different a greeting that is from your expectations; the sight of him having no companion around and the use of 'babe' makes it obvious as to what the bouquet means. It's even more than evident with the lull in his tone and the soft look in his eyes, though you don't want to acknowledge that. To counter, you step closer to the skeleton's side and look at your ex right in the eye, a firm look remaining in yours. 

"I'm doing alright," you reply, stoic. You then take the flowers from him, paying little attention to them and ignoring his other comment. "This is Sans. Though I'm sure you've heard about him already," you add, gesturing with a hand over to him. Pretending you hadn't seen Jerry at the restaurant back at the very beginning of it all is the best you can do for now with how hard it is to lie about it. "He's one of Frisk's friends from the Underground."

The pair exchange a look, one you can only remain curious over when you remind yourself over the purpose for Jerry's visit. You glare sharply at him, wanting to stand your ground. "Why return after a whole year of not coming around to see your child?" Finally, you cross your arms tight and let your displeasure known through a grimace. "Frisk was gone for almost two whole months, and yet you never worried to ask if I needed help with that or not!"

You take a step forward, anger bubbling the more you let those words dawn upon you. "You came to visit us only after the hardest stage was over. The one where I needed you the most!" You hold yourself back, against letting your voice turn any louder or making a scene of any sort.

"Well, I..." he counters, gaze narrowing and frown showing. "I waited two whole years for you to start out college before ending our relationship, and I'm still paying child support to this day."

"And I had to divide time between taking care of a two year-old with work and college!" You huff out, trying to contain yourself. "This isn't a competition, Jerry. It never was." A sharp bite to the inside of your lip is what's necessary for you to keep yourself from exploding any further than you have already, against showing any more weakness in front of him. "I don't care if you decided to leave, I only wanted you to at least pretend you cared for Frisk. Not just show up and visit once a year like freakin' Santa Claus!"

He glares back at you, keeping it that way when he looks down at Sans, his height not only towering over the monster, but you, as well. "At least I'm not dating a Halloween decoration seven years after my divorce!" 

Wham!

You shove the bouquet right at his chest.

Your nostrils flare and your hands ball up tight as you stare him down, frown changing for a deep and unwavering scowl. "Don't talk to him like that!" You pause and take another step forward, enough for him to do the opposite. "Don't call me babe, and don't give me flowers if you're just gonna assume I'm dating someone else! I'm through with you, Jerry, and it's been that way since six damn years ago."

Jerry's eyes lower back to the skeleton, who takes his hands out of his pockets and straightens up. He faces your ex, looking amused. "So this is the one you told me you liked, man?" he asks, brushing you aside to make way towards Sans. "Is this really the (chick/dude) you told me you were into? I thought we were bros!"

"Wait, what?"

Those are the only words you can say out loud as you watch the two confront each other, tension thick in the air. Jerry takes in all of it, while the monster keeps his cool, shrugging at his bro. "Sorry to lay it down like this, but yeah," he says, snickering. "They're who I'm into." He spares a quick glance at you, winking to further fuel your ex's anger. "I gotta admit, it's a bit awkward. Though I really dunno why you're so worked up over this if you had your time all those years ago. Ain't my fault you two broke up."

"They're my ex-spouse, bro!"

"Yeah -- I'm well-aware of that, pal."

You back away from the door when it opens, revealing a frowning Toriel behind it. 

"Is everything alright out there, you two? Someone sounds angry." When she catches sight of Jerry, her eyes brighten and a smile overcomes her. "I see our new guest is here! Come along now. I cannot wait to meet Frisk's other parent!"

"Inna second, Tori," Sans says, grinning up at your ex. "Just havin' a talk with 'im first."

The goat lady nods, and a knowing look's exchanged between them two; she then closes the door after that, leaving you be.

Overwhelmed and in need of some painkillers for a future headache, you take a step back meanwhile, not quite in favour of getting caught up between your ex and a monster with a seemingly one-sided crush on you. 

"What more could there be to talk about?" Jerry asks, scowling. "If I'd known it was (Y/N) you'd been talking about this whole time, I would've never told you to try giving it a shot!"

He storms off inside the house and closes the door shut, leaving you alone with the skeleton, who soon beckons you over with his irises, a look of caution visible in them. 

"You okay, pal?" he asks, hands going back in his pockets. "Sorry I got ya mixed up in all this. I know you don't want any drama, but I really didn't think he'd figure me out like this."

You stand by the door and lean against the wall while you consider his words. 

It doesn't take too long for a smile to show up on your face. You sigh, choosing to believe him for now. "It's alright," you say, dismissing his words. "The look you gave each other before this kind of... showed that." You pause, curiosity intervening. "How did you guys become friends, anyway? Didn't he pretty much hate your guts a while back?"

"Met 'im again while workin' at a hot dog stand, so we've been able to talk some more since then." Sans joins your side, similar to the day at Waterfall, but with an easier atmosphere present between you. "He came over to grab a bite, we found some stuff in common, and then we kinda just became friends from there on -- Surprisingly." He hums, a faint chuckle interrupting it. "We started talkin' about our love lives two weeks into gettin' to know each other. And about a month after you confronted me over at that restaurant." His hands leave his pockets, these placing themselves behind his skull as he further reclines against the wall. "I told 'im I'd met someone I was interested in, but when he asked for specifics, I said they weren't really into me. Told 'im they were a single parent, and that maybe that had somethin' to do with them not fallin' easily enough for my flirtin'."

He stops, though you still want to hear more. You nod at him, hope over him carrying on remaining. "Is... Is that all?"

"You'll get mad at me if I keep tellin' you what I told 'im about you."

"I can't promise I won't, but I'll try not to."

The monster takes in a breath, and his relaxed state is then replaced by a subtle mousiness he tries to cover up, mainly by remaining calm and casual.

"I told him your stubbornness and integrity were kinda just... hot, and that I had a thing for not only your looks, but just you, in general -- As a person, I mean."

"Do you still feel that way about me?"

You don't know what makes you blurt that question out, but it's far too late for you to dwell over it now of all times.

"Of course I do," Sans says, rubbing the back of his neck. "I told Jerry 'bout that last part just a few days ago." He stops again, breathing in deep once more. "I was, well, only doing it for fun back when it started. But now... Now I really mean it when I flirt with you, (Y/N)."

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• • •

Updates will be Mondays and Fridays starting after Part 2 of this chapter!

Not only will I continue working with my Mario (one-shots from my old account, featuring Princess Peach, Princess Daisy, Rosalina, and Pauline) and She-Ra (some drabbles I’ll be posting here later on) fanfics soon, but I've reached a personal milestone in terms of my studies, so I'll be celebrating that soon!!

• • •

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Realization

Ok, so this one has been sitting in my documents for some time because I didn’t know how to continue it... Until I re-read it and noticed I really don’t have to, you all know the endgame of this fanfics, and maybe I can get a better idea of how to make a second part with your precious feedback, cause I really need it, so from the old documents but for a lovely ship, I present this:

Read it at AO3

*****

Sherlock sat in silence on the bed at the hotel he was currently staying at, with the explosion at Baker Street he was virtually homeless at the moment, and honestly he was tired and he needed to sleep after what they had been through that day. However he couldn’t, or more likely, he wouldn’t. Sherlock just knew that the nightmares would make it impossible for him to rest, not only that, his ever working mind will still be running thoughts in his head, processing every detail and making conclusions about what had happened at Sherrinford.

He smiled sadly just remembering how John had offered his house, told him he could stay until Baker Street was restored, but he had instead told him that Mrs. Hudson needed it more than him, that she would be more grateful and she would be also willing to help him with Rosie while they worked on rebuilding his flat.

Mycroft had also offered his house, a really surprising gesture, and though Sherlock would have no trouble staying at his brother’s house, with all the space and rooms, he felt that he didn’t belong there; and as much as he wanted to just sit here trying to not think, it was also something he couldn’t leave for later

He needed to think about a lot of things, many of them concerning his sister and the things she had put him through that day without worrying that his brother would listen or record it. Good lord, he didn’t want him to worry anymore! So he had declined, warning his brother that if their parents were to know that they were both staying at the same house, they wouldn’t waste time waiting for an invitation and soon they’ll find themselves in a very awkward and difficult family reunion at his house.

Mycroft wasn’t ready yet to tell them what had happened to Eurus, and neither Sherlock; and though it was a matter of time that they started asking questions about the explosion at 221B, at least that way they could buy time until things had settled down into a more normal state, if they ever went back to normal

So, he took off his shoes, his coat and jacket and unbuttoned his t-shirt, climbing onto the bed and sitting in a lotus position with his head against the headboard Sherlock closed his eyes putting his hands together in front of him as he always did and entered his mind palace, this time not looking for information, but to sort the day’s events.

He recalled the day Moriarty’s video had paralyzed the entire city, his face in every screen saying ‘Did you miss me?’ By then he had already know that he wasn’t behind the event at all. In fact if he were to look at it properly, his mind had given him a lot of clues in that self-induced hallucination of the Victorian era. Even with his ghost present, Moriarty hadn’t been the real master mind behind it; it had been a woman, all along. And just as Eurus had proved, it had been for context, emotional context; something, he suspected, he could only provide given his tendency of sentimental attachment. Not that he thought it was wrong anymore, he had already started to see the benefits of it.

With an ever present sadness he remembered Mary, her case hadn’t even been connected to what had happened at all, her past had just caught up to her and that was it. However, to think that John had encountered Eurus at that time and had actually established communication with her was worrisome, because that meant Eurus had been free and watching them for too long. Time she had used to gather information, time he had lost glued to his phone and not paying enough attention to his best friend to notice what he was doing.

Then Mary had died and he had felt that loss more than he was willing to admit. And in between that he had also missed a lot of things, that part of himself that was grieving had pulled him into the numbing pleasures of the drugs, when he knew fully well that he could have faked it. He only had to convince John, and his best friend could be trusted to see but not to observe.

Oh, how sentiment could blind your mind! He had to admit that Mycroft had some points, caring too much was a disadvantage, but only because your mind focus on the thing you most care about than on the whole scene, and he had to remember that for his job he needed to look at everything, details were important, background was important. He had been seeing everything so blurred since John had shouted at him while still holding Mary’s dead body that night, it was like walking with a fishbowl full of water on his head.

He mentally slapped himself, a flash image of Molly doing so passing through his memory; he should have kept his mind clear. Sherlock sighed, opening his eyes to the darkened room; he was now slumped over the mattress, when had that happened? Maybe he was more tired than he had initially thought.

He adjusted himself until he was lying on his back, and once again reviewed his memories. He had to admit that his sister was so clever it was almost scary, almost. She had managed to come to his flat and pretend to be someone else, they had spent a whole night together, just walking and talking, some of the things they had talked about he couldn’t even remember, he had showed her so much about himself that it wasn’t a surprise that she had managed to trick him into her trap.

He had practically given away all his weaknesses without even noticing. Although he had to admit she had a lot to do with his lack of confidence when trying to make friends, or the way he treated them, and maybe, just maybe, if things had happened in a different way he could have treated people in a really different way. Women were usually more sentimental, more emotional, and Eurus had wanted to understand that, he was the most emotional of the three, and it was probably out of her female nature that his sister had tried to get his attention, to learn about it.

It wasn’t the best way, but then again the Holmes siblings mind worked like no other, especially hers. Eurus had asked him to choose someone to kill a man, and to be quite honest he had trouble choosing one. Mycroft wasn’t really one to do things himself, he always had done things through other people, still Sherlock had wanted to believe that he could do that to help him, he was wrong; but John, he could count on him, he had meant it when he had assured to Mycroft that John was family, although the last thing he wanted was to put another weight on his shoulders right now, even with what they had been through, and what he had learned thanks to him.

Talking about knowing what was good and what was wrong, it had also been a task when they had to choose a guilty man out of three brothers, their sense of justice was very similar, but the experiment had been clear for him then. Eurus had tested their reactions - especially his reactions to their reactions - to different emotions; in that first room they had to make a sacrifice and for that they had to show specific emotions fear, trust, courage and empathy. Taking from that, the second room had been about justice, their moral, resistance; intelligence and anger were tested there. In the third room…

Sherlock found himself unable to start with the things that had happened in that room, suddenly he had to sit up, his breathing was fast and he felt anger boiling in him, he was trembling.

With a jump he stood up and started pacing, trying to calm down, there had been something about that one test that he still couldn’t get over.

‘Damn it, Holmes, you are flesh and blood. You have feelings. You have ... you must have ... impulses.’

“Shut up!” he said out loud, as if to silence the voice inside his head. It was true that he had been in frequent communication with The Woman, what had happened between them had been interesting, but not lasting. There had been of course many emotions mixed up there that had actually thrown him out of his way, but it wasn’t something that currently affected him, and in his mind it was obvious that John would refer to her since she was the only one he had seen who had been able to pull his emotions - impulses - almost to the surface, however she wasn’t the only one, there was someone else, a woman who had always been able to see through him, to really see him.

Molly Hooper…

‘She’s out there...  she likes you, and she’s alive. And do you have the faintest idea how lucky you are?’

But she had come near to not being alive… or so Eurus had wanted him to believe. Sherlock sighed loudly again while passing his hands through his hair, there were bruises on the skin of his hands, a reminder of what that experience had make him do, his hands had hurt afterwards, but he hadn’t had time to check, and he had hoped there wouldn’t be any evidence of it, but they were very visible by now. His own words as he deduced who the coffin in that room was for resonated in his head.

“Well, allowing for the entirely pointless courtesy of headroom, I’d say this coffin is intended for someone of about five foot four. Makes it more likely to be a woman.”

“Not a child?”

“A child’s coffin would be more expensive. This is in the lower price range, although still best available in that bracket.”

Of course it would be a cheap coffin, Molly would never buy something bigger or better, they had discussed it over on the phone one night, it had been silly actually, he was bored and wanted to know what her thoughts on that matter were, or what her choice would be given the case.

“A lonely night on Google” Not lonely if he considered who had actually talked to him about the subject, who else would he choose to talk about something like that?

“This is a practical and informed choice. Balance of probability suggests that this is for an unmarried woman distant from her close relatives. That much is suggested by the economy of choice. Acquainted with the process of death but unsentimental about the necessity of disposal. Also, the lining of the coffin…” Plain white but shiny, it’s feminine and delicate; something that a woman with simplicity on her mind would choose for herself if it was the last thing she would lie on.

“...Look at the coffin. Unmarried, practical about death, alone.”

Once again John’s voice broke into the scene reminding him of just how much an important matter this was. “Trust me, Sherlock: it’s gone before you know it. Before you know it.”

Letting his arms fall to his sides Sherlock had to admit defeat, he dropped himself heavily over the bed; his sister had really hit the nail on the head. ‘I don’t want it to end. Not like this’ the words appeared in his mind like they had done the night he had met Eurus, and just like then he erased them from the air in front of him, another sting of pain reminded him that John had gone through that reality. Molly Hooper meant a lot to him, so much more than anyone could really tell. She had helped him countless times, not only with experiments and autopsies, she had helped him fake his death, he had trusted her with his life, it was a secret, but it had been important at the time, she had done it, and she hadn’t asked anything in return.

He knew that she liked him, it was unmistakable, her body language, the invitations to go out for coffee, her smile… An image of her dressed up in a black dress a few Christmas ago made his stomach contract. He did not deserve her, how had she been able to forgive him after what he did that day, after what he had did more than once? It was something different that he had not really understood in the moment, his need to apologize and the guilt he had felt for making her feel that way, but she had left that behind and stayed firmly in her position as his friend, because whenever he went back to her she would be waiting for him

‘What do you need?’

Sherlock had noticed her attempts to move over him, to make a life, only to fail miserably, more than once because something he had said. He remembered Tom, that man she had gone with to John’s weeding, he had been her fiancé, someone she could’ve relied on, someone who could have make her happy, but she had called it off… Why? He wasn’t quite sure.

But he had made sure to show that he was grateful for the help she had lend him, she was an intelligent woman and her work with him had made things easier more times than he could remember. After Mary’s death Sherlock had needed to talk to someone, at first just to know how John was doing, and Molly had visited Baker Street with Rosie many times, sometimes to leave her with Mrs. Hudson, others to have some tea.

It was a few days after Mary’s video had arrived that he had talked to her about his plan, he had told her everything, and he had said that it was necessary to be real for John to pay attention. That day she had accepted, reluctantly, to help him, she had agreed to take and ambulance and the equipment to test him two weeks later, she had also promised that she would be very angry at him that day, she already was… He felt confusion at hearing it, why would she act that way right now? The plan still had some weeks to fully develop.

She worried too much it would seem, because she was lonely, and she was distant from her own family. It was clear now, she only had them, and of course she will worry about him, he was the man she loved! At that point he was the one putting his life in danger, he was the one dying! This time it wasn’t fake, she could keep that he was alive as a secret, but she couldn’t duel with a real death, (a fact he had known the day Mycroft had sent him to that 4 minute mission and why he had completely avoided telling her about) not another one so soon, and especially not after Mary…

Again Sherlock had to run his hands over his hair, this time his fingers pulling a little bit at it, he needed to react, the tiredness was pulling at him, he could feel his eyes dropping with sleep, but it wasn’t the time yet, so he needed to feel something real, pain would do for now. It occurred to him then that maybe Molly had been already really stressed about what was going on around her, with this family of hers that she didn’t know how to approach properly, she had been busy with Rosie, worried about John and working hard every day, and he had made her think about the state she was going to find him after his plan was complete, something she had also done professionally on a moving vehicle. Wow, that woman was so strong!

He had been at the hospital for at least two weeks before going back to Baker Street, and there she was again, still angry, busy and worried, but still there. She had been there through some episodes of withdrawal, his bad humor and his anxiety. And what had he given her in return? Nothing. It was suddenly obvious that a single ‘thank you’ and a kiss on the cheek were not enough anymore, not for someone who had done so much for him.

Suddenly it was clear why it was inconceivable that Molly Hooper would think that on the day of her death he would put her in that tiny cheap coffin! When Eurus plan had been revealed in that room he had known that this would hurt Molly, however in the midst of her life being in danger he thought it was best to have her heart broken than not beating at all.

It had been a surprise for him when she had asked him to say the words first, something unexpected given the circumstances. She had asked him to say it like he meant it. At first his mind had gone blank; he had to make sure he had heard her right, and then ask himself what he could do to make it sound like the truth, a part of him told him to just do it, she was in danger, if she wanted to hear him, he would say it, it was easy, or so he had thought when he asked her to do just that, but how? The answer hadn’t been difficult to find, really. They were friends that much was clear to him, and he truly loved his friends. The real shock came when he really thought about their kind of friendship, a flash of all the things they had shared through the years, the things she had done for him, the moments and experiences, the laughs and the discoveries made, the way it felt so natural to have a long a really entertained conversation with her, it wasn’t the kind of friendship he had with John, Wiggins or even with Irene, he had realized it then, because just as she had said it, it was true, he really did felt love for her, no need to fake it.

‘Also, your loss would break my heart…’

Something really out of character of Mycroft the moment he had said it, but very on point in this case, losing Molly Hooper would break him. Not only his life would be emptier, his job would lack something she could only provide, she would not only miss her silly jokes and colorful jumpers, her sharp mind and her dexterity at her job, his heart ached at the sole idea. Trust him to feel lonely if he didn’t have Molly Hooper in his life, because for some time now John had had a life apart from him, with Mary and now only with Rosie, and thought Mrs. Hudson was good company sometimes Sherlock found himself feeling lonely. In a way he was like Molly, unmarried, practical about death and alone, he rolled his eyes, they had so much in common.

That’s how he knew, because moments after the call had been disconnected and he had been unable to talk to her a bit more, he had actually pictured it. He saw it when taking the lid of the coffin, her name written in the plaque just above the very same words that she most wanted to hear from him, he placed it over the wooden box that would hold the body of this great woman…

He saw her, her deathly pale face, still so beautiful, her eyes, those warm brown eyes, closed forever to the world she had found fascinating, her lips, now lacking color and the smile he had always loved, her small delicate hands yet skillful in her profession, and strong when he had needed her help, his heart beating painfully for her while she laid there, now unable to know what he was feeling for her, the words carved on a plaque that she would never read, he could picture a single tear dripping down her cheek as the light closed over her - a tear fallen from his own eyes…

No. She deserved flowers, a nice chapel, a place full of people that loved her, a long and fulfilling life to be remembered for, a long speech about her a nice, big and comfortable looking coffin lined with silk and a big plaque with the words ‘She was loved infinitely, by family and friends, she was the one that mattered the most at the end’; and he would be standing beside her, probably sad, but happy to have been part of her life. No! And he had lost it then, his patience, his poker face, his self-control, all lost because he couldn’t let that happen, he would not burry Molly Hooper in that cheap bloody coffin! He will not lose her!

He was angry at Eurus for making him do that, now that he had already understood how much it affected him, hurting the people he loved; hurting John Watson had been awful, and knowing that he could have done more for Mary had hurt him too. It wasn’t fair that he had been manipulated to hurt the one person in this world - out of his own family - that loved him unconditionally and deserved so much more from him, because she thought he was better than that!

‘She taught me to be the man she already thought I was. Get yourself a piece of that.’

All those words, all those emotions, all the things in life she did not have, and all just because she loved him… He had never wanted to be the one to stop all those things for her; he would’ve liked for her to move on and have her life, and be loved and be happy! And what have he done? He had insulted her appearance more than once; he had told her of off her choices, he had actually suggested she stopped dating at all…

When had he fallen in love with her? Because his jealousy had no other justification, maybe he had told himself that he needed her, but what for? Just because that way she would have more free time, what was that about? Wasn’t she entitled to have her own time and entertainment? She had the right to have friends and spend time with them and have fun and met someone and have a real family. Why then, was he so stubborn about her? He supposed unconsciously he had always known, but it was easier to think it was for his benefit, that it was also fun for her and that she was spending time with him, her friend.

But she knew him more than anyone, even more than John himself! She had saved his life, had helped him and proved to be more reliable than anyone, she had helped him solve countless cases, and they had joked and laughed and talked about more things that he could remember. She had always been there, was it really so hard for him to be there for her? She wasn’t asking for much, apparently, his heart already belonged to her.

He knew what he was coming back to, after that, Molly was going to be angry and sad, and probably won’t be happy to work with him as she always did. But that would be because she thought he was pretending, faking it for a case as he had done with the drugs, or with Janine… How could he convince her? Sending her a message? No, it was easier to discard or delete without even reading it. What about a phone call? She was probably not going to answer or would block his number.

The problem now was that he had broken the trust between them more than once; she had no reason to believe him, not after how abruptly that last call had ended. His mind brought the picture of Eurus face at that moment, he had to admit that she seemed almost as shocked as John and Mycroft had been.

“All those complicated little emotions. I lost count.”

For a moment he wondered himself how many emotions had been showed during that phone call: confusion, fear, trust, desperation, pain, realization, courage, surprise, truth, anger, love…

He wondered how much John and Mycroft’s opinion of him had changed, it would be really difficult to look at them next time Molly or his feelings were part of the conversation, it was something else to expect in the coming days. But they didn’t matter right now, he needed to talk to her, explain things, and put an end to the endless feeling that something was missing, he needed to feel complete again. He huffed in sarcastic annoyance, it was a curious feeling, because she hadn’t gone anywhere, but that last conversation had cut the connection between them and he could barely tolerate it, he had to do something about it.

Working quickly to not waste any more time Sherlock put on his shoes, grabbed his coat and exited the room, maybe this wasn’t the best idea at the moment, it was really early in the morning and he hadn’t sleep one bit, but that had never really stopped him before…

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I really don’t remember if I have already posted this, but since I couldn’t find it here I guess I didn’t... It’s only been checked for grammar with Word, so please forgive any mistakes, I really hope you enjoy it