#and i felt like i didn't do a lot of reading but i really actually did Tumblr posts

[sirenmoontarot]

Good things coming towards you ✨🌟

𝒫𝒾𝒸𝓀 𝒶 𝓈𝑜𝓃𝑔 🎧🎵

Sorry for the uncreative title, i didn't know how else to say it 😹 I really felt like doing a lighter reading, more positive energies, positive things coming towards you 🤗

Pile 1

Hi guys! so for the people in this group, you are getting justice, equilibrium, and your divine retribution in some aspect. For you, relationships are going to stabilise or you are going to attract a stable and healthy partnership. For those of you that are manifesting this kind of partnership, it is encouraging you to keep on and also highlighting this part of balance, reciprocation. I am feeling you guys will stand victorious against challenges and obstacles and especially if late times have been muddy, dark for you, you are successfully, after your hard work and persistence getting out of there and positively progressing towards a better life! A message for you here guys is that your effort and consistency WILL pay off even if some of you are like so tired of life, of your past… but strongly keep standing up. Spirit is congratulating you for your effort and this will definitely bring a positive change, the Universe will favor the effort you are putting; some of you are almost out of strength but putting your last drop of life out there and that has a reward.

You are also getting that your path will be cleared up so some of you will step in and be more able to become a leader, or feeling more comfortable having control or making more decisions in general over situations of your life. I feel it is also related to your self-esteem and a greater sense of security, but most importantly is this feeling of, fog vanishing off a street, you will be able to see everything much clearer and then feel brave enough to take a lead to manage your life. You are getting that Miracles are going to come to you and you are going towards an illumination of your life, it will bring new opportunities, and will also bring new clarity to you so you will be able to decide on new opportunities and partake in new adventures. You are encouraged to do so and especially take on that leadership, empowered position, make choices for your life, without fear!

𝒯𝒽𝒶𝓃𝓀 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓈𝑜 𝓂𝓊𝒸𝒽 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝒹𝒾𝓃𝑔 ❤️‍🔥🪽💫

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Pile 2

Hi guys! your reading is marked with clarity. What good things are going to come for you? Well I feel that you will reach a lot of decision clarity about your life, the steps you want to make in your journey and that will bring a new beginning, new journey, or renovation to you, in which your hard work and commitment will pay off with more recognition that you were not getting and a sense of fulfillment you were also craving. I sense some of you guys will be taking a direct, blunt leap of faith or change, it is not a ‘’leaving behind’’ though, it is like some sort of expansion; I hear ‘’i am done with this’’ in the sense of being tired with the actual course of things, it is a rapid, assertive, decided energy that is gonna open windows for you, in the sense of opening up your vision; and you will be able to expand your horizon actually, some of you were in a situation where you feel you needed more to grow, where you needed a change, not throwing the whole project to the rubbish bin, but an expansion for the growth and flourishing of the matter on your hands. And your decided actions is gonna bring the expansion you need and that your energy is craving. The people in this group are encouraged to keep using your mind, your intelligence, it guides you well, your ideas, insights, dreams, the momentaneous flashes of inspiration you get; your higher intelligence. It is very well connected to your intuition and really helping you in your projects and visions.

For you guys, there is also love coming as well as security. And the latter is closely tied with a sense of wisdom that you are growing. You know more and more the things you want and that you don't want, and that is giving you a lot of wisdom and clarity about your life. About love, I sense some people in this group are defeated in love, went through a lot of trauma recently or are remembering their love trauma. And they are a bit scared and traumatized rn but the energies are saying for you to calm down, it is not as bad as in your mind. Positive energies and an optimistic prospect will come to you, allow yourself to grow out of those past situations. Leave the mental distress behind and refill your mind with ideas and imagination, the things you actually want to happen in your life and your love life.

𝒯𝒽𝒶𝓃𝓀 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓈𝑜 𝓂𝓊𝒸𝒽 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝒹𝒾𝓃𝑔 ❤️‍🔥🪽💫

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Pile 3

Hii guys, so for the people in this group, the energies are interesting here, they are saying that you might be or become a bit reluctant to a change that is coming or distrustful but the universe will anyways move you even if you don't have much hope, the change is marked by the Sun and the Empress, so really positive and fruitful energies, and I am hearing that the universe is going to move you because it knows it will be good for you even if you are like, feeling nothing good can get out of it, or similar. And I sense your guides giggling actually and being like ‘’they just don't know’’ in a loving sense, like saying, so many wonderful things can happen to you! You want to grab to what you know but there is something really good and positive and full of light for you out there.

I don't know if some of you guys, a percentage in this group, had to leave behind love situations? like, leaving before the other person leaves you, leaving out of insecurity, leaving something you wanted, leaving while you were in love, or leaving before something could happen? somehow the Universe tells you that there is more opportunities coming in to you, and the Universe asks you to have a different mindset and approach, a more positive one. Balance is meant to happen, and it is waiting to happen. Your love life will stabilize but you need to hmmm, being less in your emotions in the sense of don't get sucked by them. Now you have to act with your logical mind, put some clarity In your past, take any growth as lessons if happened and u have to actually see what is what you really want, if you are more into a particular lifestyle, be honest with your inner desires and emotions, to heal the inner unfulfillment

Okay, as for the rest of the reading, as I pull cards, I am getting confirmation for the previous messages, the Universe ask you to trust, a positive change is coming to you and you need to release the past, what went wrong that you sometimes carry with you. It is blocking you. The ‘’Trust’’ card is calling me a lot, it has a moon, and the moon imagery stands out in your reading, moon energies are potent but sometimes if they are unbalanced they carry us into the unconscious, dark waters and waves of the night where you are there in circles unable to get out of it. So you will actually thrive and you have to also, conceive the possibility in your mind that you can really thrive, in the future, that you can really do well and prosper, flourish bloom and be happy. These are the positive energies that you have to believe and conceive in your head that you can experience, it is like sunshine for your soul 🌞

𝒯𝒽𝒶𝓃𝓀 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓈𝑜 𝓂𝓊𝒸𝒽 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝒹𝒾𝓃𝑔 ❤️‍🔥🪽💫

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[yoursicklilbaby]

Guys I feel so alienated grieving over this finale, because it was a hell of a show, it was so queer, so marvelous, a damn good witchy one. But I have many things to say and they are brutally depressing.

Well, there��re seem to be a lot of people who truly loved the ending and I expected myself to be one of them, because this show gave so much to my queer self. I believed that Killing Eve story is engraved in my heart as the drama for life, for Lonely Hearts Enthusiast as me. And it was fixed only due to my dear writer Luke Jennings, author of the original novels, who has written two new KE books during these two years, resurrected Villanelle and made it fabulous. It helped, it was a cure, but still the show–the damn 4th season–will always be a squeal of pain.

As for Agatha All Along…oh boy. It was a sweetest, the gayest, the funniest playground for me, mostly all the time. I felt like these rainbow witches bestowed upon us all their confidence, radiant sexuality, profound love and complications, twisted fortunes, relationships that had a longstanding history spanning centuries. It felt like I’m 12 years old again in a school сamp, and everything is so cool and fun, and there’re gorgeous high school girls and everyone is your crush, and nothing bad can happen because it’s really a little Switzerland for all. However, teachers tell you that you need to ski at 7AM, and it’s obligatory, and the road is slippery, your equipment is old, it’s so hard that sometimes you feel like you won’t make it to the end.

Down down down the road down the witches road…such a bittersweet dream. But who’s the dreamer?

Billy being a baby queer-ent with all hopes and courage, believing in happy endings, seeing good in the most evil characters. It’s you, it’s me, it’s us. And in the end everyone’s either a witch killer, or self-sacrificing hero. God, Billy, why it had to be so dramatic? I know, this is Marvel story and it was envisaged to be like this (meaning Agatha becoming a ghost). But still. Marvel was always about a lot of action and fun, for all drama under the rain we had the DC universe, didn't we?

But let’s cut the shit and get straight to the point, I actually wanted to talk about Rio. Rio Vidal is a new character, brilliantly portrayed by Aubrey fucking Plaza, I may say she made this hero so real, formidable, exceptional. Rio is not even in the comics yet, so there’re many things we don’t know about her and we were craving to know. But do we have a chance for that in the nearest future if Agatha will be busy looking for Tommy with Billy? I doubt that. And for the record, I don’t give a flying fuck about Tommy’s existence.

I’ve read an article in Them media and that brought me to tears again. If there was AgathaRio last kiss, does it mean we will never see them together again? Did Agatha really mean she didn’t want to see Rio’s face ever again, without even a proper talk, even after ‘she’s my scar’ revelation? Is Death always supposed to be the enemy of all? Will Agatha ever be able to forgive her, if Rio used to be the love of her life? If it was Billy’s sick fantasy does it mean he kinda summoned death on that road?

I listen to Rio’s theme in my playlist and cry for her. She has a black heart and it beats for no one but Agatha. Agatha never reacted to this like she didn’t care at all, did she? She has a tender spot in her heart for twink boys, and I know why but I hate it. I wanted this story to be sapphic, without changing the direction that much.

Moreover, I didn’t quite get why the hell Rio was so desperate to kill Agatha if she was so not okay about it in the end? They lost me there, I rewatched the first episode and tried to figure this out but I’m not sure that it was more than just a dominating game. Why did she want her horizontal (that part we got) in a grave, full of purple flowers, mushrooms, daisies and succulents? So romantic, yet so pathetic.

And still I was excited to watch Agatha’s and Rio's battle. Green and Purple striking each other’s bodies, there was so much passion in it, wow. It supposed to be so fucking hot, but instead this scene was interrupted by Billy’s performance.

God, Billy, I loved you as a character, but I loved you more as a sidekick, not another boy genius who suddenly develops his character and steals everybody’s thunder. He literally stole Agathario's thunder and blasted Rio, even when Agatha got her purple back. Twice.

Seriously guys, it felt like when you are trying to have some quality time with your girlfriend but her dog is jumping around and inviting you to play. With all due respect, you’re the sweetest Shiba Inu puppy, but why wouldn’t you just fuck off for a sec, because we’re having a moment here?

So was it Billy Maximoff All Along in the end of the road? Maybe that’s why I’m so angry right now.

Take a breath and dance with death, my love cannot be turned.

My love cannot be turned, even though there was so little dancing and too much thinking, to my liking. And it is so fucking sad.

[agatharkn3ss]

I'll see you at the end.

I can't believe we are here already. I'm excited and sad in equal measure.

This show has been such a delightful surprise. I went into it without expecting anything in particular - I loved Wandavision and I loved Kathryn Hahn and that was that. I didn't expect to be literally bewitched by the magic I saw on the screen.

Put simply, the power of AAA is that it is clearly a product of love - from Jac Schaeffer, the actors, the writers, the directors, the set and costume designers, the composers (and THE GODDAMN LOPEZES!), the producers... I could go on.

That level of dedication shines despite (or maybe BECAUSE) the low budget, and it has two massive effects: 1) it creates a truly compelling and stunning story; 2) it sends a very loud, clear message that representation not only matters, but is NEEDED.

Of course it's not the first show that does this, but I cannot tell you how refreshing it is to me to watch something in mainstream media that is centred around sapphic women where their sexuality is NOT the plot of a show. It is not something anyone ever needs to ask about or question. They don't pretend to be younger characters either, they are all 38+ and proud of it, as they should. Instead they focus on what actually matters - their rich, complex stories.

But the diversity is also within the creators - of the producers, half of them were women, headed by superb Mary Livanos (a queer woman herself), costume designer Daniel Selon (also queer), all of the directors were women and there is also of course a diversity of ethnicities. I am a big believer of the power of diversity as it allows you to go places you wouldn't normally consider, and really round the story. And I love this quote from Jac Schaeffer who states "My prerequisites for writers who work with me are first, they have to be kind, respectful humans."

And what stories the writers tell! In the limited time they had, they managed to create these seven multidimensional characters that were all different, yet similar in a lot of ways. My only criticism would be that we really could do with longer episodes to actually allow some more meaningful conversations and connections. All beautifully complemented by the visuals - the practical sets as well as the costumes. I love how the costume designer took his time to consult with the actors for their interpretations, before even starting to create every single design.

And on top of the great character stories and visual , we then have an engaging plot with mysteries to solve on the way. I cannot emphasise enough how fantastic it felt to follow the breadcrumbs. To spot all those little details that would foreshadow what's to come. The different ways they appeared - through dialogue, visual clues, music themes, lore symbolism and so so many art and literature references. The knowledge and confidence that they were left there on purpose too, because the creators took the show seriously - it literally felt like finding little personal messages!

This is why I've decided I need to pick them up and then try to piece them all together - just to see if I could make my sense of it, since the creators clearly put so much love and effort. No other show has ever made me do it to this extent. And it's been so much fun! I loved I wasn't alone with this and that I could discuss and read others' theories too. It's like we've formed this awesome coven.

So in my post-AAA blues, I don't think I will have it in me to just take my "murder board" down. I feel there is still so much to explore so I will probably keep looking for any more cool details to cheer me up.

I've not been actually particularly precious about whether or not my theories could be right or wrong. If some of them are - great, bonus! If not, also great, I am looking forward to being surprised!

Although we haven't seen the ending yet, I have ultimate trust in Jac. After all, she once said:

"I believe so strongly in sticking the landing and it's always up to the audience whether or not you truly stick the landing. But I believe that you have to put all your energy toward that. It's your job to try the best you absolutely can to stick the landing. You have to plot your mysteries, figure out what they are. It’s like a good murder mystery. The feeling that you want at the end of a murder mystery is you want to be surprised, but not. It still needs to feel within the realm of possibility, right? It needs to make sense and still surprise you." 

So I trust we will have a solid ending, wherever it lands. And afterwards - I will always remember the time when a show has made me feel this way. Thank you!

[a-couple-of-notes]

OKAY what a finale, folks! Deliberately not reading everyone else's thoughts until later (although I did chat briefly with @kshaar -- thank you for enduring my walls of Discord text), but I'm beginning my processing by writing this out.

I have a few issues with how all of this played out, as I'm sure many of you do, but I mostly really liked this finale. I'm so, so aware that it's hard to stick a landing--especially in a fandom as theory-heavy as Marvel, with the dedication of the queer fanbase on top of it. I think it's commendable how much they executed well, and how deliberately they aligned it with their vision of the show, not the one that would make everyone happy (if there is such a thing).

To the stuff I liked: unpopular opinion, but I like the order of the episodes as it is--final big boss fight first, quiet intimate flashback as the finale. Or, at least, I see the vision--I'm still iffy on whether the pacing actually feels good, but that probably needs another rewatch. This show has always been about unpacking Agatha, peeling off her masks until we get to some kind of truth, ugly or beautiful or both. Of course the ending is the truest thing we've ever gotten out of Agatha--the real story of her son and his death.

I loved everything about Nicky, Rio, and Agatha in the flashback. It is so beautifully mundane. A mother's love. A natural death. Selfishness. Grief. Anger. It's gorgeous, and the version of the ballad we got felt so, so fitting.

Everything about Jen! That unbinding spell...whoo. Sasheer Zamata knocked it out of the goddamn park with her performance--the joy, the sorrow, the agony of relief. Man. Even if the rest of the finale flopped on its belly (which it didn't), that alone would have been worth the price of admission. (Also ALSO: Agatha hate-flirting with Jen over confession of horrible traumatic action that fucked up Jen's whole shit! The Jen/Agatha truthers win!)

Alice. Alice my beloved. Ali Ahn, you do so much with the little screen time you have and I applaud you for it. I'm very grateful their cap on her arc was "I could make my life mean something/you're a protection witch. You died protecting someone" and not "you get to see your mother again" because, as I pointed out in the tags of one of my previous posts, that's the real tragedy of Alice. Her life, her freedom, her potential.

To the things I'm mixed on: that final battle, man. I think they did an admirable job of focusing what could have been a generic Marvel magic-blast-y slugfest into distinct character beats, but there was a lot going on in that fight. And compared to previous Rio and Agatha interactions, their big climactic one felt a little...weightless. Those factors make it much less clear why Agatha and Rio are fighting--like, on an emotional level; I understand intellectually why--which means that what also feels unclear is...

...The not-a-sacrifice. I like 90% of this. I like that Billy is finally able to communicate with Agatha via mind powers, because he's started to accept how alike they are. I like that Nicky is once again Agatha's turning point. I even can get behind the sacrifice as the creators' intention--not what I would have preferred, but a solid narrative choice nonetheless. Still, I am super unclear what, exactly, Agatha is thinking when she turns around. Is she just remembering Nicky himself--how much Billy is like him and how ashamed she would be if she left? If so, it feels odd that Agatha's version of sacrifice is kissing Rio so honestly. Later, we learn that Agatha was taking a risk to become a ghost. So when Billy asks how Nicky died, is Agatha remembering how Rio gave him time--the kiss as a fucked-up version of recognition, the risk being Agatha relying on Death's special treatment once again? That would be a better end to Agatha and Rio's arc, but there's no expository line, no echoing "I can only offer time." And Agatha and Rio. DON'T. TALK. IN PRESENT-DAY EPISODE 9.

This is my main gripe. I am aware I am griping with Megalopolis and FFC, not the show or its creators. But goddamn if more Aubrey Plaza would have fixed almost everything in that finale--and I mean this in a narrative sense, not just because I love Aubrey Plaza. It would have clarified where Agatha is ending re: her relationship with Rio (and Nicky), and it would have bookended the first episode so well (the three-player drama returns!) I am actually irritated about this.

Ghost Agatha looks so goofy. Like, I understand the vision here--the parallels to her mother, and of course Agatha would find a way to piss off Rio in her own domain. It's iconic. Still. There's something about Ghost!Agatha that's so much harder to buy into on a gut level, a kind of emotional distance created in such an emotional, tactile show.

Billy. Oh, Billy. I like your arc. I like its execution, while heaving a grudging sigh of "yeah, that makes sense for this story but I'm still kind of disappointed" re: the creation of the Witches' Road. I love the idea that Billy's ultimate arc was to accept the darkness in himself, and all the things he's capable of. But I really, really wish Agatha had had one more conversation with...not you. (Agatha naturally falls into a mentor-type role for Billy, which isn't necessarily bad or not part of her arc, but does at least lead to me feeling like we don't get an endpoint for Agatha in present day that's entirely her own.)

And I suppose that's the crux of my mixed feelings: the show began with Agatha asking who she was, before Billy even came into the picture. The viewers get to see a glimpse into Agatha's real self in the Ep. 9 flashback. But at the end of episode 9, Agatha is still running from it. She's barely touched her own grief (yes, yes, insert joke about Rio here), and we don't see her making that choice. I emphasize that because I am not categorically opposed to Agatha not completing her grief arc; god knows 9 episodes would have struggled to do that. I'm fine that they left some threads hanging. It's just that something in between Agatha (not-)sacrificing and Agatha coming back as affably-evil Casper is missing, and it feels like a gaping omission.

Other notes: Billy dramatically charging up the hex to create a memorial was great--another way the finale lets us into the beauty of the mundane. It's not to bring everyone back, or go down the Road again. But it's important, this act of remembering.

Though I'm disappointed we didn't get found family coven true, I'm at peace with how that thread wound up. This was a show about Agatha; the coven as individuals act as foils and reflections of her. They break and succeed in similar ways as Agatha. And they were a coven--a messed-up, broken coven who tried their best. It wasn't enough to save them, but it was enough for them to grow closer to the people they wanted to be. Agatha using something from every witch in her coven--Alice's protection spell, Lilia's divination, Jen's healing--in the fight was truly poignant, and tells me she'll remember them and carry them forward. (Also, the contrast against the flashback! "I cannot heal, I cannot protect you from what's coming, and I cannot divine when she'll come for you." Agatha needed them to be her coven! And they were. And they were.)

Final thoughts: (This is a misnomer; I'm still digesting.) Agatha All Along became a more complex, difficult show than I thought it would be pre-Episode 5. Occasionally this meant it disappointed me, had places where its budget, scheduling, Marvel-ness, and decisions regarding exposition struggled to connect things, but overall, it's a damn good show. And I would rather see a funny, challenging, ambitious show made with love for the craft than a safe, big-budget, chopped-up Marvel movie in a blender. And hey, it was super gay! (Please don't come near me with the "Bury Your Gays" stuff. Please. It's not that, I promise you.)

[maybeimavillain-byleif]

I said I didn't want spoilers from the episode but of course I couldn't stay still and spoiled myself the scene with Jason👍🏻

⚠️ SPOILER ALERT IF YOU HAVEN'T PLAYED THE EPISODE⚠️

Okay so yes, I couldn't contain myself and looked at the scene😂 but I've only seen it from the moment we go to Goldreamz to sign the papers for Tasha until, of course, the end so now I want to say something about it. I liked the scene very much, Jason was really himself, it was as if he lowered his wall for a moment with us. Since the moment we were sitting on a chair in his office to the boat scene, he opened up to us and told us a bit about himself. Of course the main point was the one on the boat where he talked about his father. No need to say that it touched me on a personal level, me and him were LITERALLY on the same boat. I could understand him very well because I also don't have my dad anymore, the only difference is that he was luckier than me to have lived his father longer than me... And also the illness... Besides that, I loved the fact that his father loved the sea so much to the point to make it his job, his passion and wanted to do everything to save its inhabitants, it was very touching, I bet his father was a very good person. What saddened me was knowing how much Jason has felt lonely, I have a feeling he didn't have many friends if not no one and after his dad's passing I know how lonely one can feel. It touched me a lot even when he said his mom wanted his father to stop smoking and after his passing Jason went to steal his boat because it still smelled like his tobacco... He wanted to feel him again... And also, it was such a bummer to know his stepfather sold Jason's dad's boat, it felt like a stab in the heart... I also feel sad for him, not only our Candy but about that I also want to say this. She then apologized to Jason saying that if she knew she would have never asked him about his father and of course Jason told her to not be sorry and that it's not her fault. About this: don't feel too sad or sorry for asking, we have nothing against the people who ask us about it or when they say something not knowing about one's situation, it's really no one's fault so don't feel too bad about it. Anyway, yeah I really liked the fact that we could talk to Jason like normal people and not playing some kind of game between us, without teasing each other and all that. As I said before, Jason opened up to us, I really felt how sincere he was, he really doesn't seem the type to lie just for fun to give us a hard time or to mock us. He's more the reserved type of person, not a liar (not when talking to us at least). Ah also, our Candy at some point wondered how did he turn out like that and in that moment I thought "well, you know, things like that change you with time" and it made me think how Jason was actually, I know that she asks him directly, first asking how was he as a child but then instantly changing it to teenager. Who knows, maybe Jason was really different before but I guess we won't know much about it for now (maybe one day?). Yeah anyway I'm protracting it a bit so let's say the last thing. All in all, his scene was very nice and touching to the point that our Candy cried and Jason was sorry that he made her cry again. He was sincere, opening up to us and lowering his wall in front of us but then he went back to be his usual self by saying that for that night they have a truce but that from the next day everything would go back to normal. I also really liked the illustration and the way Jason looks at us🫠. That's it, I know I've written a lot and if you arrived at the end, thank you for reading all this, I really felt like sharing my thoughts on Jason, since the episode where we go to his office to work on our first project and while talking he said his father passed away when he was a teen, it was really like throwing a bomb that exploded and I felt that personally, then just yesterday (or the previous day) I searched on Google the meaning behind the type of tattoo that Jason has on his forearm just to discover that it means the person has lost a loved one to now having this intimate scene were he talks about it... It's a bit too much for me🥲 again, thank you for reading this🙏🏻

[dawnthefluffyduck]

Doodles based on "Yet Another Nightmare" by Catroic on Ao3 (highly recommend reading, its very good)

[the-busy-ghost]

Me normally: Let people love what they love

Me, after a Test Match Special commentator expresses their belief that the new All Creatures Great and Small is somehow "better" than the 1978 version: This is pure insanity and TMS can no longer be trusted on anything, how can they even be trusted to know about cricket, do they have no TASTE

[aroaessidhe]

2024 reads / storygraph

The Loudest Silence

YA contemporary

a newly Deaf-Hard of hearing girl moves across the country and starts a new school, struggling with navigating her disability and love for singing and lost friendships - determined to not make any new friends for the year she’s in Florida

and a boy struggling with family expectations and anxiety, after being made the fútbal captain even though he secretly ways to be on broadway, who quickly befriends her

bi & aroace-coded MCs

[minakoaiinos]

Me when I think my dad is cool and admirable

[mosspapi]

Gonna b honest. I kinda preferred being actively and pressingly suicidal to whatever the fuck I've got going on now. At least then I knew what I could do to keep myself reasonably safe. Whether I'd do it is another question entirely but at least it was cut-and-dry and made sense. Idek what my brain is doing atp, much less what it needs from me

[mildcicada]

[notthestarwar]

Have another snippet of my writing that I like. This one prob requires a bit of set up so,

This is a modern au. Jaster raises 10 of Jango's kids in his absence, before Cody runs away at 16. Years later, Jango is murdered and it turns out that he's been living in the same city as Cody all along, and so have Wolffe and Fox, each living completely different lives.

Excerpt from: the Last Days of Jango Fett

Cody’s gaze sweeps over the exterior of the gym and he wonders if he's making a mistake. He spent a lot of his time, growing up, in gyms like this. The faded lettering of the sign declares the gym’s official name to be ‘Koon’s training gym’ but scrawled over that, in grey lettering, is its true name ‘Plo’s bro’s’ he bites his cheek, wondering at the identity of Plo. If he’ll find him inside, or if the sign serves as only a fond memorial. He crosses the threshold and he may as well have stepped back in time.

He can hear a familiar voice, barking orders, corrections. But his gaze skips straight over the set of strong shoulders, the back of a head so much like his own, and instead he only has eyes for the ring, because inside, there is a boy who for all appearances could be Cody’s own; who could even be Cody himself, had you a loose grip on temporal structure.

Boba is good, better than a boy of his age should be, clearly Jango’s been training him. He still wouldn’t have stood a minute in the ring with Cody at the same age, not that that’s any fair comparison; Cody could have beaten them all. They said he was born with a golden ticket in his mouth. A right hook to end all right hooks and with it, a way out. For them all.

Cody had spent all his teen years training in a gym like this, just down the road from Jaster’s, born ability or not, he wasn’t given an easy ride. Jaster’s old buddies rallied together for one last go and they gave it their all. Within the walls of that gym, they lived again, they gave it all they had to train Cody like it were 30 years previous and they still had a chance in hell of winning. For a moment, it seemed like they would.

Cody in the ring had been a sight to behold. He and he only, could retrieve their last chance, lost to anyone else because no-one knew where it fell. But Cody and Cody only, he would rise to the top and he would reach and he would hold it in his hands. Glory. Lost and abandoned, left to gather dust from the day it had fallen from Jango’s hands. Theirs, once again. Cody could have saved them all.

But. Cody couldn’t be that for them. He had the talent, sure. He had the drive to make it to the top, for certain. More than all of that, he had that magic, that thing you can’t quite put a word to, that made him a sight to behold in the ring. Like pure gold. But there was one thing Cody didn’t have, the wherewithal to be his Fathers keeper. Cody did not have it in him, to live his life for a man that did not want him. Glory in the ring; that was Jango’s dream, not his.

Born on a cool November, against the odds, Cody entered the world a healthy 9'5 with a healthy set of lungs to match. Jango did not know of this, Jango was not there.

Cody, healthy and round, had been placed in to the arms of a woman who had looked down upon her son and immediately known that she could never, quite, be what he needed and so she hadn’t tried to be.

Once when he was young, Cody had overheard Jaster speak of her. Only the once and not of the woman herself but of her, as Jaster put it, ‘sentimental bullshit’. Jaster was a strong believer in facing up to your problems and the woman who had given birth to Cody, did quite the opposite.

That woman had looked in to her babies eyes, and had delivered that baby, quite promptly, to Jaster’s doorstep. An undetermined amount of time later, Jaster had answered the door to find two bottles of milk and Cody, laying on the doormat.

Cody had been left quite alone, with nothing but a blanket, and a note; explaining that his mother, having looked in to her son’s eyes’, had immediately known that she could never contain quite the amount of love that her son would need and was therefore, leaving him to his Father, a man she was sure was more than capable. Jaster, who at this point was already responsible for two of Jango’s progeny, suspected otherwise; as he had told the milkman that day after he had kindly knocked and asked if Jaster was quite aware there was a baby sleeping on his doorstep.

That day, standing there speaking to Jaster as a baby laid between them, the milkman, in a moment of startling honesty, had looked down to the babe and told Jaster that upon the birth of his first son, he had worried that he wouldn’t be suited to fatherhood, but had since realised that all the little ones really needed; was loving. Jaster, not having slept through the night in about 2 years by that point, had bluntly retorted that love would not feed yet another mouth and so, he would be needing another bottle of milk, before sweeping down to gather the child to his chest, the note laying unneeded on the doorstep.

Cody had heard Jaster reason, through that crack in the kitchen door, that the last thing any child needed was a bit of paper telling them their parent didn’t have it in them to love them enough. Jaster had known, from that first glance at Cody, as all parents do, that upon finding that Cody needed more love, he might only ever meet such a thing with carving out just a bit more space in his heart or wherever else love is kept, to hold it.

To Jaster, parenthood was not about biology, it was simply about being needed and being the kind of person, that would change themselves however necessary, to meet that need.

That day in the kitchen, Jaster’s friend had shortly weighed him up to be a ‘soft fool’ who ‘only had it coming’ ‘what with all these doorstep babies’, but Jaster hadn’t seemed to mind. In the following years, Cody had rarely heard him talk like that again, but the sentiment lived on with him all the same, carried with him until he was old enough to understand what such a thing really meant.

Not that Jango ever stopped by to see it for himself, but everyone who met Cody declared him to be the spit of him. Cody was Jango’s second coming for sure, it didn’t matter that Jango was still walking the earth. Everyone who saw Cody in the ring was sure that he’d been delivered upon them to finish what Jango could not.

Cody often worried, that he wouldn’t quite weigh up in the eyes of Jaster, who had afterall, known Jango the best. Cody rather worried, that he instead, might take after his maternal side. The type to run from problems rather than face them. Because of this fear, Cody spent his whole life rising to each and every problem until one day, he did quite the opposite.

In the early hours of the day Cody’s big match was to be held; the one that was sure to shoot him right to the top, so high that his eyebrows would brush the stars and the rest of them, they’d all be able to fall on clouds; the big match that wasn’t just Cody’s ticket to a kinder life but everyone’s, his showstopper, Cody had found himself with a bag over his shoulder walking the track out of town.

When he reached the end of that track, where the old road met the big one, he’d found Jaster sat waiting for him.

Jaster had offered Cody a small smile and, told him he was beginning to worry that he wouldn’t come. Then, he had met his eyes and wished him luck. Jaster had said that he was proud of Cody, for having reached the same conclusion that Jaster himself had; Jaster knew that Cody was not put on this earth to right Jango’s wrongs, Cody was here, only to be Cody , and besides, he never had to worry about turning out to be the kind of person that Jaster might not like, because the thing about raising someone, is you keep loving them no matter who they might turn out to be.

Later that day, as one by one the fields passed him by, Cody had looked out the window of the coach and known with a surety that sometimes, the only way you can face your problems, is by leaving.

That day, Cody left the memory of Jango Fett behind, in search of a life where there was a bit of room to be Cody Mereel, and he had never once looked back.

Cody had left the memory of Jango behind, in the pursuit of himself, but now, here was Boba.

Boba had not left Jango behind as he hadn’t been given time to, Jango was only a ghost in Cody’s childhood but he was something more real to Boba. That is at least, until one day, when he was just gone.

For the first time, Cody looks behind himself and there, following, as he always has been, is the boy he left behind. Cody had to leave that boy in order to become the man he is today. he doesn’t regret it, he likes who he is, who he allowed himself to become, by leaving. But now he can see that in order to help Boba, he needs to be both the man who’s risen above the ghost of his father and also, the boy who could never quite live up to the memories his father left behind.

For the first time in his adult life, Cody remembers what it was to be the son of Jango Fett and then, against better reason, he holds on tight to that memory. When he looks back over his shoulder once again, there isn’t anyone there. That boy is looking forward as Cody looks forward and when he takes his next step, they take it as one. Cody is whole and he is his self, he is as he always has been, wholly and completely.

In the gym that is in every way, both the same and nothing like those of his childhood, Cody takes another step and then another, until his toes are almost touching the side of the ring.

Boba sees him first, just a glance and then, Cody sees the moment that his face registers. Boba just stops in space, he blinks wide eyes at the sight of him before tilting his head, letting those same eyes trace over Cody.

Now that he’s seen Jango Fett, Cody knows precisely why he might garner such a reaction, Cody didn’t have a dad so he has no idea what it is like to lose one. He can’t quite imagine what this must be like for Boba, it’s just you and your dad and then, he is murdered. Your dad dies and you are 10, and then, almost identical men start spilling out of the cracks of the city.

Boba has been distracted for long enough now that Wolffe has given up on trying to call his attention back, he turns to see what has the boy’s attention caught and soon comes up short himself.

Cody looks up at his big brother for the first time in 20 years and swallows.

“Hi Wolffe.” He says quietly.

Wolffe is frozen, even more so than Boba, not even his eyes move and now Cody looks at him, he isn’t sure if they can. One side of his brothers face is heavily scarred, like something long ago scraped across the surface, even from here Cody can see that the eye on that side is clouded.

His brother takes in a loud breath, “Cody?”

And then before Cody can even think to answer, Wolffe is moving, rolling out of the ring until he can engulf Cody in his arms.

Cody is the same size as Wolffe now but somehow it doesn’t feel like it, he feels dwarfed, finally back in his brothers arms and why did Cody ever think he could live without this? Wolffe’s arm is cradling his head and the other is bracing Cody’s back and he can feel his head tucked against Cody’s own and Cody has been alone for 20 years and he didn’t have to be, he knows this now, as well as he knows anything.

Cody doesn’t know what he expected. He doesn’t know what he expected from any of this. The past week has been a storm. An uncontrollable thing that you can only watch happen.

Had he thought maybe that upon seeing him, Wolffe might hit him?

Maybe that he would berate him for leaving?

Cody didn’t know who the adult his brother had grown in to really was. Maybe he had expected him to be cold, distant in the face of the brother that left them all? Cody had showed them all that it was possible to leave, that such a thing wasn’t only the purview of Jango and from what Rex had said that had left their family fractured. It had never been the same again after Cody left and showed everyone that they could leave. One by one, they had each followed him in to the unknown, lost to each other thanks to him.

Had he thought any of that, he would have been wrong. The man holding him isn’t any of that, he is just Wolffe, he is just Cody’s brother.

They are together, once again.

[bookgeekgrrl]

My media this week (19-25 March 2023)

ʸᵒᵘʳ ʰᵒⁿᵒᵘʳ ᶦ ˡᵒᵛᵉ ᵗʰᵉᵐ

📚 STUFF I READ 📚

😊 The Burning Issue of the Day (Lady Hardcastle Mysteries #5) (T.E. Kinsey, author) - Emily & Flo help out some suffragettes

😒How To Marry A Marble Marquis: A Regency Monster Romance (C.M. Nascosta, author) - boring & disappointing - I basically read this overnight from 1-3 am during an insomnia episode or I probably wouldn't have bothered to finish

🥰👂‍The Forgotten Dead (OutFoxing the Paranormal #1) (Jordan L Hawk, author; Tristan James, narrator) - very satisfyingly spooky ghost story/paranormal investigator + romance! I have the 2nd book but I'm trying to make myself wait for the audio bc I really dug this narrator

😍over the hills and far away (througheden, author; , narrator) - 84K, steddie - just a fucking great 2nd chance fic

😊 The Wolf and the Wallflower (Wolves of the Ton #1) (Devin Harnois, author) - cute enough fantasy/fairy tale regency werewolf queer romance - I did enjoy seeing their OTT HEA! (and compared to the gargoyle romance it was a fucking masterpiece)

And then I started my biannual (at least) reread of The Muderbot Diaries, inspired by my oldest bff finally reading the series!

😍👂‍All Systems Red (The Murderbot Diaries #1) (Martha Wells, author; Kevin R Free, narrator)

😍👂‍Artificial Condition (The Murderbot Diaries #2) (Martha Wells, author; Kevin R Free, narrator)

😍👂‍Rogue Protocol (The Murderbot Diaries #3) (Martha Wells, author; Kevin R Free, narrator)

💖💖 +245K of shorter fic so shout out to these I really loved 💖💖

[Podfic] So Loud & So Clear (quietnight (reader); StilesBastille24 (author)) - MCU: stucky, 26K - relisten; good WS recovery fic

I'd Burn the Castle for You [Podfic] (singinginmay (reader); AidaRonan (author)) - Stranger Things: steddie, 3.6K - relisten; absolute forever fave

On the Count of Three series (lightgetsin) - Dresden Files: dresden/marcone/kinkaid, 31K - good & very hot series that starts with the threesome but really kinkaid is just there to buffer marcone and dresden as they work out their issues

Peek-A-Boo (rainbow_nerds) - Stranger Things: steddie, 1.7K - short but super hot and excellent accidental exhibitionism fic

📺 STUFF I WATCHED 📺

Maine Cabin Masters - s7, e11-12

Dickinson - s1, e4-10

Schitt's Creek - s2, e4-6

Where We Call Home - s1, e1-2

Game Changer - s5, e9: "Escape the Greenroom"; s2, e6; s4, e1-2; s5, e1&e3

Dirty Laundry - s1, e1-6

Ted Lasso - s3, e2 [x2]

Why Didn't They Ask Evans?

Black Mirror - s3, e4 "San Junipero"

🎧 PODCASTS 🎧

Desert Island Discs - Jenny Beavan, costume designer

Into It - 'Swarm' and the Killer Beyhive

Switched on Pop - 100 gecs make good bad music

Shedunnit - At Home With Agatha Christie

⭐99% Invisible #529 - The Wilderness Tool

Vibe Check - I Thought Hell Was Hot, but It’s Wet

Off Menu - Ep 184: Nick Mohammed

⭐Song Exploder - Seal - Kiss from a Rose

⭐Twenty Thousand Hertz+ - Insurance Jingles… Why?

Ologies - Domicology (ABANDONED BUILDINGS, RECYCLED HOUSES & GHOST TOWNS) with Rex LaMore

Off Menu - Ep 22: Suzi Ruffell

Into It - Are We Into the Return of 'Succession,' Grounded Nepo Babies, and A24 Casting?

⭐You're Dead To Me - Sarah Bernhardt

Endless Thread - Asking Science About Giraffe

🎶 MUSIC 🎶

The Go-Go's

80s Sing-Alongs

The Essential REO Speedwagon [REO Speedwagon] {2004}

[cheswirls]

ah i could not help myself. checked onk for a detail on the movie arc and ended up rereading the entire movie arc, then bit the bullet and read up to current. not as many chapters as i thought considering how long ago i was "caught up" and that onk is a weekly?? i guess there were breaks. almsot made me think it was a monthly series. with how little there was

tbh if i had waited til the end of the year that would have been perfect. it rly seems like there are not many chapters left. even where i left off tho, it was enough where again i wasn't dying to know what happened next, so i can wait for it to finish if it finishes this year :) maybe spoiler-y rant in tags for past 5-6 chapters

[none-tadashi-left-hiro]

I have started associating the ritual of brushing out your hair with forgiveness

[reinemichele]

I think I need to go to bed, I understand Less now . And, I've spent Years begging for more Thanatos/Lost references, & Revo showed up with a bat (literally)