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yorsgirl · 8 months ago

Note

Yan!Heian!Sukuna and with Y/N?

Lately, whenever Darling got pregnant she ended up having countless miscarriages, the longest lasting at least 3 months, Sukuna began to suspect these countless coincidences.

He doesn't care about these losses since he didn't want to share Y/N with some brat, but he found it very strange that every time she got pregnant resulted in a miscarriage, so he started investigating and finally found out why this was happening.

He discovered that Y/N was causing her own miscarriages, as she knew that the last thing the world needed was Sukuna's descendants, so he finally confronts her but with that damn psychological terror that he loves to do to her.

Oh my, I love love love this idea!!

I kinda went out on this one, but I hope I did justice to what you were aiming at. Hope you like it :) Also I am sorry for being so late

Playing God

Yandere!Ryomen Sukuna x Fem!Reader

Synopsis: It was a gamble, he was willing to make. To keep you with him, forever, as he wanted. Needed. You had to realize that no other heaven except his arms would be comforting. Even if that meant, breaking your very soul.

Tropes: Dark Romance, horror, angst

Warnings: Implied nsfw(forced), mentions of pregnancy, miscarriage, abduction, cannibalism and isolation. Trauma, mild stockholm syndrome, yandere themes, minor character death(s), gore, gaslighting, manipulation, misogyny, blood, degradation(non-kinky), patriarchal society, unhealthy relationship, implied child birth.

General warnings: Yandere!True form!Husband!Sukuna, Wife!Reader, Heian Era, both Sukuna and reader are a red flag on their own, usage of nicknames, no mentions of y/n.

Word Count: 9.7k

You were digging your own grave.

So you shouldn't have been surprised that your wish would be granted. Yet, if you could have one wish then you'd wish for freedom but no- freedom was a forfeited dream, far beyond your reach. Consideration of that one would never be fruitful. You are trapped even in your dreams.

Playing with fire only gets you burnt.

For long, you played this game and this- this was your compensation. For everything you had done until now, all you are returned with was abandonment. Not that supposedly, betrayal, yes. More appropriate.

Flames surrounded you, crawling up your skin, the screams piercing your ears, your chest heaved up and down. Gaze, once settled on your hearth, now all you saw was the burning hut, the crackling of embers reached your ears. Attire and hands stained with blood of the insolent. The warning shouldn't have been taken lightly. Should have known, the extent of his power.

Eyes held terror, fright, regret- whatever you could name. The multitude of names you received seemed no more than a distant dream, nowhere to be found. All were running away - expectable.

You expected calamity, but you were calm.

Everything went down in flames. Save for you, you weren't burning. Not an spark touched your skin. Was it the distance or the control? Who knows. But one confirmation which you held was that tonight you won't die. Not so soon either.

Careful, not all Gods are worshipped.

The words rang in your ears and as if on cue, you found him again.

In this reverie of madness, he held your sight when you attempted to turn - the eyes tinted with crimson.

"I am sorry for your loss, m'lady."

You had seen it all.

You had your fair share of encounters, received news and such. Women losing their mind and sanity after delivered with a news this devastating. Notably, no woman would feel any bliss after knowing that they had lost their child. Lost the chance of motherhood before experiencing it. Violent outbursts was the most probable outcome.

"This is a hard time," The midwife spoke softly. "Yet, you shouldn't neglect your health."

You perceived the softness to be fear. She must have had dealt with situations like these, most of them traumatizing as you assumed. Perhaps, she expected the same from you too.

You tore your gaze off her, leaning back on your bedframe, "I'd like to be left alone."

Your declaration was answered with compliance. Offering a humble bow, she bid you farewell, walking out of your chambers. Once her footsteps seized, you finally let your guard down. Breathing out a sigh of relief, you laid back down on your bed.

"Good riddance," You muttered to yourself. Moments of such vulnerability wasn't rare, considering you were served with loneliness, lately. Save for the times you spent in the presence of Sukuna. His decree, one might say. Your attention shouldn't be wasted on anyone but him. You scoffed recalling his words. Involuntarily, you stroked your belly, the corner of your lip curled up.

Once a house to life, given by your husband; now lay vacant from your doing.

A twisted sense of pride swelled up in your chest, a wide grin stretching on your face. You were successful in your quest, again. Mercilessly, you uprooted the seed of your husband's lineage.

Perhaps, you've truly gone sick.

Yet, this revolt of feelings were miles lesser than the repugnant you encountered when you realized your first pregnancy. You were on the brink of clawing out the creature growing in your womb. You'd have torn it apart with while revelling in the joy of watching its blood drip down on the face of Earth. If not for Sukuna's presence in the room, you might've gone through it.

You lost a fragment of yourself, that day.

Throwing up countless times, dizziness, nausea, even losing your consciousness while walking down. No, they weren't pregnancy side effects. More so, the outcome of the stress accumulating in you.

Sickening. His kin you'd have cradled in your body. To be born and grow up into a revolting, merciless creature like his father. To take up place in your womb, your flesh and blood and combining with his – a living proof of your plight. Disgusting.

Never. You'd never let that happen.

You'd never succumb to such monstrosity.

You had already given up your freedom, your dignity, your alight life to Sukuna in exchange of the lives you held dear. The lives back in your ancestral village, home to your kin.

You were affirmed. An heir of Ryomen Sukuna would never be birthed from you.

Speak of the devil, he appears.

An overwhelming familiar aura surrounded your very being, the doors to your chamber slid open, your captor, your husband strolled inside. Even his mere presence held the malevolence in him. You attempted to rise from your position at his arrival.

"Sit." He commanded.

You silently obeyed his order, keeping your gaze settled on your lap, the energy had your stomach churning with trepidation; at times when you didn't do anything either. And this time, you were guilty. Two moments passed in silence until he spoke.

"I heard from the midwife."

You took in a sharp breath, swallowing a lump in your throat. It was the same ordeal, like the first two times. Yet, you were a tad bit calm since the previous encounters. Probably, due to the fact you were getting used to this role. In this past moons, you had developed into the wife, he was carving you out to be. Giving him just the reactions he wanted, for that saved you a lot of anguish and pain. Even if it came at the price of your self-respect. This was the only way.

With your head hung low, you spoke, "Forgive me, my lord. I am incapable of bearing you an heir. I-It must have been my fau-"

"Not another word."

You instantly stiffened up, his deep voice causing chills to run down your spine. Did you make an error? Was he aware of your tumultuous acts? Was the play not convincing enough?

He held your chin, forcing you to look up at him. All of his four, red eyes bore into you. You bit on your inner cheek, blood coursing in your veins - steadfast.

They say, your fear start to vanish once you've remained in the source of their vicinity too long. That statement is false. For even after staying with your captor for almost two years, you still held your fear.

"The one at fault bore consequences."

That's when you were hit with the faint stench of blood from him. Another one perished. You took the wild guess of it being the midwife. However, instead of amplifying fright, it was lessened. You wouldn't be on the receiving end of his wrath.

"You aren't at fault, wife."

Oh, but you were.

Sukuna held your gaze, cupping your cheek; the rough pad of his thumb trailed a line on your skin. His tone and grip were surprisingly gentle. "There's no need to apologize."

The corners of your eyes crinkled down, you lean into his touch. You assume, it's a good move as you noted the flicker of emotion in his eyes. "It's the third time, my lord. Perhaps, I bear some shortcomings."

"What nonsense," He rolled his eyes. "There's none, not in my eyes. Don't fill your head with such fickle thoughts." He paused for a moment before continuing, "Is that understood?"

He wasn't one for affirmations but maybe- just maybe it was his attempt at comfort, you supposed. The previous losses must had him learning, the threads of condolence. Still, for you, they'd never mean anything less than empty words. The last thing you wanted was to be comforted by your tormentor. You'd rather step into hell willingly.

But you were living under his wing. You have to play according to his whims. You nodded. "Yes, my lord."

His hand left your face, dropping to his thigh. He looked at you, as if sizing you up. You had to keep yourself from making any unnecessary movements. Sukuna wanted you composed, whatever the situation. (Except the times when he bedded you, you were allowed to scream, cry and thrash around then. Cause you were trapped under his immense strength, struggles were futile).

After a while, he asked, "Any wishes?"

You chewed on your bottom lip, eyes flickering down then back to him. You let out a breath, before continuing. "May I visit the shrine... this evening?"

Silence.

You were contemplating whether you had offended him, somehow. Previously, he did allow for your little trips, you wondered if his patience was running thin cause of your repeated incapability of bearing him an heir. Maybe, you ran out of luck.

You were about to mutter an apology but then a smug grin spread across his lips, "Why so?" He asked.

"To-" You swallowed a lump, preparing to answer the practiced dialogue. "To offer prayers for–"

"Why grieve for someone who didn't even take form?" He cut you up, raising an eyebrow. For a tad moment, he sounded curious. It broke into a cruel chuckle, "You humans would make a funeral out of anything, yes?"

If you held an ounce of sympathy then you wouldn't question.

You wanted to say but you knew better. Besides, you still have to keep up the act of being his loyal wife. Heaving a out a deep breath, you replied, "I suppose." You paused, running the tip of your tongue over your lip.

"I'd pray that I can bear you an heir the next time, my lord."

Nay, more so: I'd pray that you receive your end soon, my lord.

Sukuna watched you. No, not look. He watched, like a predator. Then, his lips cracked into a sinister grin. "You've a way with your words, wife."

It caught you off guard. You raised an eyebrow, attempting to voice out your confusion. "What do-"

"I will accompany you."

"Sukuna sama, the herbalist you asked for, has arrived."

Sukuna spared a glance at Uraume, who knelt by his feet.

"Bring him."

As on cue, they rose up from their stance, pivoting around towards the door. It parted, two curses had a man in their grasp as he struggled to break free. His eyes widening with terror when it fell on the King, sitting atop his throne.

The man was pushed down to his knees, face meeting the floor in a loud slam. His scuffles were in vain against such power, he knew that. Still, in a situation of life and death, rationality takes it's leave.

Sukuna clicked his tongue in annoyance. All he wanted was some herbalist to answer the flurry of questions in his which had him restless for the past few days. Did this scum think he'd be killed? Maybe he would be, if he deems it necessary or he proves to be useless.

What had him restless was your miscarriages. Counting the most recent would make it a fourth. Where did he go wrong? You were kept in utmost luxury, no toils whatsoever. Still, what was wrong?

—》《—

"Perhaps, there's some faults in her highness."

"Keep your voice down, Mira. Someone may hear you."

"I am a lot quite... but tell me, don't you find it strange? How come she has lost all of her children?"

"I- I suppose. Perhaps, motherhood is not written in her fate."

"Or so, she's simply incapable."

—》《—

Safe to say, those were the last words they uttered before they were turned into a mash of flesh and blood.

Sliced into pieces that even trying to make a proper corpse out of the remnants weren't possible.

At times, Sukuna wished he held the power to bring back someone to life. Then maybe, he'd have given those servants a death, more worthy. Maybe, ripping out their limbs, piece by piece. First the bones would break, ripped from the ligaments, then it'd be the muscles; that was easy to just tear out. And after that happened, he could have just sewn up the blobs of flesh again and repeat the process until they learn their lesson or the life leaves them again.

He deduced the latter would be more probable. Still, it would be fine. They deserved that.

Speaking ill of you in his palace, in his vicinity, in his world was prohibited. A sin, in the words of humans. And a sin never goes unpunished.

You - his consort, his queen, you were heavenly. There isn't a fault in you, it's some external factor, must be. But he can't let go of his growing suspicion either.

Sukuna detested children, it was a known fact. Always ending their lives first, whenever he set foot in a village. They were of no use to him, unless they were served to him on his platter. He couldn't deny, their flesh was flavourful.

Even though, he held great disdain for them, he couldn't help but desire a kinship with you. With the price of letting go of your undivided attention? Hmm, doesn't sound too great. He assumed, he can hire a wet nurse just in case. Still, he desired to see you round with his child, feet swollen as you struggled to walk around. You do not have to worry, he, your husband would joyfully oblige in carrying you in his arms. You were more than perfect, he couldn't even imagine just how beautiful you'll look, during and after carrying your child.

It was destined. You'd extend his lineage or no one else.

You were flawless then why were you causing such errors? Contradicting. It was his question until he started to take a note in your behaviour, and he found–

Sukuna stood up from his throne, walking down the steps of bones, presumably of the ones he killed. They act as a pretty show piece, according to him.

The court resonated with his footsteps, each one carrying a promise of death. The man's struggles seized once he was harshly pulled up by his hair, his eyes met with Sukuna's.

"Yo-your high–ness," The man fumbled with his words, a spine chilling sensation going down his frame.

"Time's wasting," Sukuna said, his glare pointed. The fury evident, though his exterior was calm. "Comply if you don't wish death."

The man nodded frequently, his fingertips trembled with anticipation and horror. "Ye-yes, your highness. It's an honour to s-serve you." The man fell to his feet as he was dropped. Sukuna dismissed the extra company with a wave of his hand.

"Rise," He declared.

The man still on his knees, raises his head. "What can I- I do for you, your highness?"

—》《—

"May I make a request, my lord?"

Sukuna's eyes flickered to you, yours not meeting his. Knelt before him, you gracefully poured the sake in his ochoko.

"Speak."

He marked the squinting in your irises, fingertips trembled when you put the vessel down. Your shoulders rose and fell before you gazed at him, reluctantly. He couldn't help but find your antics inhumanely amusing.

"Would you be kind enough... to bring me this-" You paused for a fleeting moment. "This herb called... aloe vera?"

—》《—

"Aloe vera," Sukuna tilted his head aside, the upper pair of arms crossed over his chest. "What use does it have?"

"We-well, my lord it's used for heal-healing purposes, burns, cuts, rashes... it heals injuries, yes." He answered, taking a gulp. There was other uses too yet his head was alike a blank canvas, before such a formidable strength. He wasn't even aware if it was satisfactory or why the King of Curses needed to know about such a measly plant. But if it meant he could see the sun for another day then he'll just give whatever he could offer. "I-It can also be used to– to make me-medicated food. N-not a delicacy... I might add."

Sukuna raised an eyebrow, "That's it?"

"N-no, my lord. There- it can cure diges-"

"In pregnancy."

The man stiffened, his mouth parting a tad bit. A whisper leaving his lips, "Yo-your highness...?"

Pregnancy, menstruation, considered taboo. A matter regarding women, spoken in the inner chambers, the men should remain ignorant. A topic whispered in ears not spoken aloud in any hall, let alone the royal court. Certainly, Sukuna was aware of this societal construct, yet he didn't care. The society and its idiotic rules could go to hell. He just needed answers.

"Speak," Sukuna's voice was louder, deeper when the man before him fidgeted in his spot due to discomfort - on speaking such a topic.

"It-Its a... your highness, I d-don't think you-"

"Insolent bastard," His fumbling was interrupted by Sukuna. The warning evident in his profanity. His face grew darker, the four irises glowing with impending danger akin Satan himself. "If you so much as want to live, fucking speak."

The man's blood ran cold as on cue, face turning a shade paler as if winter had started to pool in. Tears prickled the corners of his eyes, "Forgive me, your highness! I will speak, I will- yes- aloe vera its-" He heaved out a deep breath, an attempt to slow down his beating heart. "Any fo-form of it is ill-suited during pregnancy... it can cause... cause pe-pelvic haemorrhage leading to... to misc-"

"Miscarriage?"

"Yes, miscarriage... can lead to miscarriage, your highness."

A profound silence prevailed. Not a soul spoke neither was a footstep heard. Not a leaf rustled or the howling winds tapped on the window pane - assumed, mother nature had halted its elements from making any noise.

The stakes were high yet an flicker of courage alighted in the man as he raised his head up to glance at Sukuna, "My lor-"

The man's head tumbled down before he could even complete.

He couldn't scream, he couldn't beg, he couldn't apologize, he couldn't even blink. All he could do was watch. Watch as his beheaded body fell limp before his eyes. Watch as the blood poured out like waterfalls staining the carpet with its hues. The red marred bones protruded out amidst the flesh, globs of blood was gushing out of his severed voice box. His body jerked, the remnants of conscious nerves trying to survive.

It was a neat cut. A heavenly sight.

The world started to blur in. And before he knew it, the light was gone from his eyes.

Sukuna didn't even spare a glance as he marched out of his court.

Uraume approached the body, a few maids accompanying them. They casted a disapproving glare at the corpse.

"Not edible, dispose of it."

You didn't see or hear from Sukuna for a week.

He didn't visit your chambers at night neither was he present when you sat down for your meals. Even his energy was alike a hushed whisper which would remind you of his presence in the residence, but not reveal himself to you. For some reason, it had you in an unease.

No, you certainly did not miss his presence. But his absence just made the surroundings almost suffocating. There was the looming threat that something had happened or something were to happen. One worse than the other.

Silence was never uneventful.

Insinuating the courage, you had once inquired Uraume about his absence. Presenting a polite bow, they answered, "Sukuna sama doesn't want to be disturbed."

Disturbed... as if he wasn't the cause of all disturbances. A natural disaster in himself. You resisted the urge to scoff and uttered a meek line of gratitude before going about your day. (That extended with you strolling down the halls or garden or just be in your chambers and read the few books Sukuna had bought you).

On the very same day the dark commenced. While you were mesmerized by the fall of twilight over the garden, you heard his voice.

"Don't you love playing with poison, wife?"

The sudden question made you halt your steps, you weren't even aware that he was present–shielded his aura, presumably. You turned around, raising an eyebrow with bewilderment.

"Pardon, my lord?"

Sukuna snorted, walking up to you, a smirk played on his lips. You had to make the effort of tilting your head to gaze up at him. His towering figure loomed over you, his lower left hand snaking around your waist, pulling you closer to him.

"You love poisons, don't you? Or in your words herbs."

Your shoulders grew rigid, eyes widening with realization, a sharp breath hitting your throat. Your fingertips trembled with anticipation. You were sure to be discreet in your affairs, using the isolation he subjected you to at its best. Yet he knew. It was bad. Very much so. And what were to happen now? What would he do to you?

Another night of horror where your screams would be unheard, your resistance proved to be futile, where you'd be left to suffer alone, where another shard of your remaining soul would be plunged by him. Another night where you'd again play into his whims... Or something more vile, leaving you physically disabled? Perhaps, even death...

The foremost was the most heinous one. You silently prayed that he wouldn't resort to that. If you were to be subjected to his torment then you wished he'd just kill you, liberating you for once and for all. Even so, survival is what the mind wants. Piecing through any tactic just to live another day. The play for now should be denial.

Sukuna's affections for you worked as a double edged sword. You aimed to take advantage of it, in every way possible. You instilled a bit of courage, standing your ground, you spoke "I don't understand what you're trying to instigate, my lord."

He looked down on you, a coy smile uplifting his lips. He threaded his fingers through the knot of your kimono, leaning down next to your ear, he inhaled your scent. His lips brushing over your neck.

"I do not believe so, wife." He murmured, his warm breath hitting your skin, a range of goosebumps rising over your arm. "In fact, I think you clearly know, what I speak about."

Before you could let a word out, he straightened up, turning around, he pushed you to walk with him. His large hand still covering your back.

"Come, let me entertain you."

You were walking to the gallows.

Not literally, but you were sure your end was near.

The wooden floors creaked with footfalls. Each step heavier than the previous. You hesitantly glimpsed at Sukuna, his gaze was far ahead. Not a word left his mouth in this while. Only his hold remained firm. He pushed you forward every moment your step faltered.

Your breath hitched when you turned a corner - the right wing. A rule, you could say. Sukuna made it clear since the day he held you captive brought you home – never step a foot in the right wing. Despair drowned your curiosity that time, you didn't question, least bothered to. Even later, you didn't dare to defy him; courtesy to the pain you were subjected to once.

Still, you could make the wild guess of what happened in there. The muffled screams kept you awake at midnight, it was easy to put the puzzle pieces together. There he revelled with the sick pleasure of tormenting your kind.

He stopped before a pair of oak doors. That's when he glanced at you, for the first time in a long while. For a moment, he stared at you with an emotion you couldn't decipher. The next moment, he pulled out the Kanzashi from your hair, letting your strands tousle down.

You flinched, pushing away the curls which clouded your vision. Sukuna held the pin in his hand, holding your gaze. He was unmoving.

What happened to him?

"My lord," You called. "What are you-"

"Stay quiet," He handed you the kanzashi back, adjusting your hand to hold it as if it were a dagger. Turning to the door, he spared you a glance. "Don't speak a word." With that, the doors opened.

Dark.

It was dark save for the light of the lantern which illuminated the room. He shoved you forward, the door locking behind as he stood aside you.

"One bite."

Huh? Bite? What did he mean? You slightly turned your head towards him but you were stopped in your tracks. It wasn't only you and Sukuna in this room, seems you had a guest. More appropriate word? A Captive.

Your eyes were wide open. On the corner of the room, sat a young boy, not more than a adolescent - blindfolded. Restrained by chains, his wrists and ankles were cuffed with metal. A small whimper left his lips as he registered the presence of both of you.

You were about to speak but then his words rang in your mind.

Don't speak a word.

Sukuna gripped your wrist, leading you to the boy, "One bite, in the arm."

He wasn't talking to you. To the boy, he kept his eyes. You marked how the boy flinched. The metals clanking on contact.

He turned to you then, motioning to the pin in your hand then the boy's arm. Realization hit you. You tried to shake your head, refuse; but one glare of his and you were compelled. Reluctantly, you turned around, trudging to the boy.

Something was wrong.

You could feel it. Why... why would he want you to stab this poor boy? A picture of misery, he was. You noted he didn't have any sign of bruises in his body - peculiar. Yet, his fragile state was enough to give you a hint that he had been here for days. Perhaps, starved too. The tension was high and all you wanted was to leave this room, in an instant.

Fine, if Sukuna wanted you to just stab the boy. You'd do it. Missing the vital points which could end his life. One, he said. You'll miss the point and done. Its not upon you that you'd pierce the wrong place. His instructions weren't specific—that'd be your excuse.

He won't die. Not from your hands.

You gently held the boy's arm, angling the pointers on the muscles. You drove it in.

Miscalculation.

The boy's body instantly stiffened, a gut wrenching scream erupted from his mouth. He thrashed around, swinging his legs and arms, his body twitching violently.

You recoiled back soon, yanking out the pin, stepping away on instinct. You watched with terror.

Foam rose up the boy's mouth, his shrieks pierced your eardrums. The fluid dripped down his jaw, marring his clothes. He clutched the area where you stabbed him. Scratching at it with all his might. The sound of flesh ripping filled your ears as the boy ruthlessly, tore the muscles.

You were stunted. You couldn't speak or move. You weren't chained but you felt as if a thousand shackles bore you down.

The next seconds were a blur. The screams started to die down, his body losing it's color. Sooner than you could grasp, did the room turn silent again.

The boy was dead.

"Enjoyed the show, wife?"

You slapped your hand over your mouth, stumbling a few steps back. You couldn't tear your eyes off the young boy, bile rose up your throat as the room started to spin.

"Wh-what did you-"

No- you couldn't throw up, whatever second thought it was, it refrained you from crumbling to your knees and make a mess. Shivers went down your spine, you struggled to stand straight. The stench of the corpse and the expunging liquids started to fill your nostrils. You were almost on the verge to lose consciousness.

"What... did you do?"

Your eyes flickered to Sukuna. He stood tall, not a sign of emotion on his mien. You regret ever considering mirth to the worst feature on him, cause none was more terrifying.

And he was watching you.

It reminded you of the time, you first saw him - covered with blood of the lives he had taken, down the river bank. Victim of naivety and ignorance, you didn't know any better than to not let him see you. Wandering towards the peculiar beast, even when a gut wrenching terror asked you to run; you were stubborn. You had asked - are you alright?

"What did you do?" You repeated again.

Tilting his head, he kept his unwavering gaze fixed on you. "As a matter of fact, I didn't do anything, wife." He paused, letting the horror shadow your features, "It was all you."

You needed to run.

The kanzashi– which was till then clasped in your hand firmly– fell down. A clank, you heard.

One step.

One step towards the door. He is standing afore you, the fingers of his upper right arm ran through your open hair, tangling in the roots, he yanked your head back.

"I don't remember, giving you the permission to leave."

Tears prickled your eyes as you tried to break free. Sukuna was having none of it. He dragged you by your hair towards the corpse of the boy. Your nails jabbed into his wrist while whimpers of anguish left your mouth.

Sukuna shoved you down to your knees, tugging your hair back - you were sure, they will be ripped off if he yanked with any more pressure - he made you glance at its face. He crouched beside you. With a flick of his finger, he ripped the blindfold out of the boy.

"Dare to shut your eyes."

Compliance had become second nature.

The body was rigid, skin turning blue. The veins on his arms were bulged out, his mouth wide open, filled with foam, trickling down his cheek, drying on it.

The sight caused you to gag.

Horrifying. His bloodshot eyes were wide open, protruding out of the sockets. Irises dilated in shape, which you considered humanly impossible. But what had your heart hammering in your chest wasn't the vivid details you saw on the corpse. It was the fact, that you recognized the boy. Son of that distant elder cousin, you'd seen once or twice in a year.

"Look at that, love." Sukuna cooed in your ear, forcing you to face the corpse.

You shook your head violently, nails dug into his wrist - desperate to escape. Your heart thumped inside your ribcage, you could hear it in your ears, your guts twisted in numerous ways as sweatbeads trailed down your forehead.

"You did that."

No. No, you didn't. You didn't do it. It wasn't you.

"You killed him."

No, you didn't... he didn't die because of you.

"Take a good look. See what you've done."

You vigorously shook your head. Denying all of his claims cause... cause they were... false, yes, false. They were false.

"No," You stated once you found your voice. "N-no, no... I- no."

Sukuna hummed, twisting a knot in your hair, "Yes, you. You did it."

No. You were innocent. You weren't to be blamed. It wasn't you.

It was... him.

"No, no, I didn't," You refused again, standing your ground. Moving your eyes towards him, you gritted your teeth. "No, I didn't do it. I didn't do anything. It was you."

"Really? How so?"

Fire burnt in your eyes. It was enough. He couldn't make you believe which you didn't commit - you didn't kill him.

"Poison," You said with conviction lacing your tone. "He was poisoned, a stab wouldn't procure such a reaction."

"Observant as ever," He mused, quirking up an eyebrow. A faint smile curled up on his lips. "Still, it doesn't gratify the fact that you were the one to end his life."

Blood boiled inside you, surging through your veins like lava. He had no right to accuse you of something. You didn't kill him, he couldn't make you believe it, whatsoever may happen.

"I may have stabbed him with the kanzashi, but that didn't have any trace of poison in it. I am-"

"Sure of it?"

You could only glare at him. He was toying with you. Tugging the strings of your conscience but you won't have any of it. "I am," You confirmed, staring at him without any falters. "I held it... you held it. If it was really drenched with toxicant as lethal as that, we- we both would be dead."

His grip loosened from your hair, hand falling down. The corners of his eyes crinkled, the smile turning into a smirk.

"It was you," You continued. "You did something to him at first and-"

Sukuna broke into a chortle of laughter. Far from jovial, more so sinister, filled with sheer malevolence. He gripped your jaw, pulling you closer to himself. His sharp canines glinted in the dim light.

"You just keep on fascinating me, wife."

Each second with him was revolting. Just his touch alone had your skin crawling. Yet, you couldn't let him know he has the upper hand.

"We had a pact," You stated firmly. His game was disgusting. What was he trying to do? What was his goal? "If I stay with you, you wouldn't lay a finger on my family, then- h-how could-"

"I would still stand on the ground, that I didn't do anything." He replied, a hint of amusement in his tone. "It was all you, wife. I can assure you that I didn't go back in my words." His canines glinted while he smiled. "Not a flick of pain. Save for..." He paused, his eyes widening, the carmine irises glowed in the dark. "Save for telling him, he'd be killed by a snake bite."

"There was no venom on my pin."

"Know so," He confirmed, a playful smirk on his visage. You wished you could read minds, if possible only of him, that'd been enough. Then where did poison come from? You wanted to question but he beat you to it.

"His fear turned into poison."

You blinked. Once. Twice. You knew he had an urge to play mind games but this was ridiculous. You questioned, shell-shocked, "What?"

"He let his fear get the better of him, assuming your pin to be a snake. He believed it." He explained while you listened without so much as a word. "His conscience caused his body to give out the exact reactions, he imagined. A shock, you might say. That caused his death."

His game was disgusting. If he thought, he could just give you any excuse as this and let you believe his accusations then he was mad wrong. You gritted your teeth, yanking your face away from his grip. For a second, you saw all of his eyes opening wide with surprise. But that didn't extinguish the fire burning in you.

He reached out, dragging you towards him via the arm. A glare resting on his face. "What did I tell about refusi-"

"I don't believe you," You cut him off, hands clenched into fists. It was the first time in a long time, you lost your composure in front of him. No, you wouldn't play as his doll anymore. He broke his promise, its only fair that you do so. "I don't believe a single word you say. You- you did something, you must have. Fear, belief, whatever the fuck, something as trivial as that-"

"So you think fear is trivial, wife?" He sighed, his clutch in your arm remained firm. The rough callouses of his palm, rubbed over your skin. "And here I thought, you might be different than the rest. But you managed to drop below my expectations."

"Maybe that's what I love about you, darling." He continued.

Disgust arose in you yet again. Love. As if he had any of that. He wasn't capable of love. Not in this lifetime. Never.

He spoke again, "Times you are the smartest I have seen, then you speak such blasphemy which would even embarrass the Gods you worship. Your silence was awarded by him leaning near your ear. He twisted a curl of your hair between his fingers. "Fear, wife..." He whispered to you. "Fear is a mind killer. It makes you believe anything. The small drop of poison which contaminates all the water."

"In the end, belief and fear are sides of the same coin," His top two eyes, flickered to the corpse of the boy. "I made him consume the poison of fear and you-" He turned to you again. "You made him believe it... so, in a way, yes. Yes, I did do something. Save for the part of ending his life. Though I didn't break my part of our pact." A smirk tugged on his lips. "You were the one who killed him. Isn't that great?"

Your breath hitched, throat gone dry. You gazed at him, eyes wide open. Your mind was a blank canvas.

Fear, poison, belief, killing...

He made you kill someone. An innocent boy who didn't even do anything.

Why won't he much rather just end your life?

Sukuna pulled away from you, standing up, he walked over to the lantern placed in the room. The stench of the rotting corpse had long ago started to pool in.

"You made me kill him." You whispered, still knelt, staring at the floor. When greeted with silence, you questioned again, a tone higher, "You made me kill him."

"And?"

His nonchalance had always been infuriating to you.

You could feel him standing a few steps behind you. "If you really wanted to kill my kin, you should've just told me. Getting your herbs was a tiring chore." You didn't miss the emphasis he put on, herbs. The roll of his eyes while speaking floated before your eyes even though you couldn't see him; the expression must had turned to a smirk later. "However, the taste of taking a life– isn't it delicious, wife?"

Guilt gnawed at you, tearing you internally. Your shoulders trembled as you let out ragged breaths, eyes fixed on the bloodied arm of the boy. The same arm where the kanzashi pierced, the muscles torn apart, blood drying on it due to the boy's onslaught. Nausea overrode your senses, bile rose up your throat and the next moment you were throwing up. The wastes ran down your mouth, your nails dug into the wooded boards – bruising your fingertips and chipping the nails. You didn't realize Sukuna stepping up to your side, pulling your hair back while you were caught into the ordeal.

A disapproving grunt left his mouth after you were finished, yanking you up with your wrist. He pulled you towards the door. "Com-"

"No." Your heels remained firm on the ground. You refused him before you could even think. He turned towards you slightly, a scowl resting on his features before he pivoted around. He cast a glare upon you but before he could speak, your mouth opened again.

"You're even lower than scum." Your jaw ticked, hands clenching into fists. "You made me kill an innocent boy. Someone who might have done nothing to you, You– You disgust me, Sukuna."

Done you were with the respect, he demanded. If that angered him, made him want to rip out your heart and watch the life drain from your eyes. He was most welcome.

But it looks like, he wasn't resorting to any of that.

"You made me a murderer." You urged, staying strong in your stance. "You turned me into you."

His eyebrow twitched, a wave of mirth washed over him. "You were always like me, wife."

"I am nothing-"

"You are. You are like me. You are no saint, as you think so of yourself. " He said, leaving no room for argument. His lips pressed tight into a thin line.

Yet, you refused to believe that. You were nothing like him. Couldn't even dream so. You were not him.

"You kill children in your womb, I kill them after they're born. How is it so different?"

"It is different." You yelled, your jaw clenched, teeth baring out. "This world needs no more of your lineage, it needs no more of you." You jabbed your pointer finger on his chest, tears pooling into your eyes. You refused to shed them. "You kill for your own sake, I do not."

"Then who do you kill for?"

"For everyone." The faint snort of his reached your ears. You couldn't decipher what he found so delightful in this.

"Playing God, are we?" He mocked causing your vexation to rise.

"Maybe I am. For the least, I am not killing innocent people like you."

From where such defiance arose, you weren't sure of. Perhaps, all the frustration, fright, terror which accumulated till now had reached its limit. Moreover, Sukuna's provocation must be the fuel to the fire.

You might be left bleeding– No, you would be left bleeding. You welcomed it with open arms.

"Careful," Sukuna pushed a strand of your hair behind your ear. "All Gods aren't worshipped."

He was enjoying himself. In all honesty, your obedience was getting too monotonous. This was better. Your defiance was amusing. Arousing, if there's to add. If he knew, letting you end a few lives would have this effect then he would have resorted to this long ago.

"Better than you." You shoved his hand away, "You are nothing more than a wretched, two-faced curse destroying all of our lives."

He noted your scowl, the way your lips were shut tight, your eyebrows crinkled together. Reasons evident, all he desired was to pull you into his arms smash his lips against yours. Taste the very essence of your being. Consume you wholly, just the way you are. So that in the end, your name, your taste, your scent would be engraved in his very soul. Without your mention, he wouldn't be complete.

But he refrained from giving in now. His desire extended to a far more sinister route. "I wonder..."

What would it be like to break your conviction? What would it be like to break you?

Oh, he knew.

Would it be right moment to let you know? Maybe he should wait for another, more appropriate time.

Hmm, perhaps he should. But no.

He let you play these games for too long. Tired of this game plan, he was. Maybe, you would just come to your senses if he let you know. So he let the words, flow out:

"I wonder, why this curse keeps protecting your pathetic life from people who would cross rivers to lay siege to your life?"

Worth everything.

Sukuna watched as your face lost its color. The previous boldness you presented him with was replaced by a mask of confusion and. Such a pretty sight, it was. To see you, falter from your stand. Second guess, yourself, be in denial then rage consumes you. And you look at him, like he was the forbearer of your misery. (He is).

Oh, how good he has you memorized.

Even the littlest of reactions you contort on your mien, on your mannerisms; everything has him intrigued. You have him intoxicated.

"You know the ones, the people... your people, for whom you play this God."

Sukuna wished he could capture this moment. He'd have the chance to take a glimpse of it again, whenever he wished to. The horrified look on your face as the weight of his words started to sink in.

Would you still look like this if he tells you the terror he bestowed on them who tried to steal you away from him? What would you say if he vividly describes each imagery of how he slowly, agonizingly burnt them, severed them and tormented them? Leaving them nothing but fragments beyond recognition.

You were his. All of you belonged to him. Without his sanction, no one could even see you, let alone touch you. Ah- just how many sorcerers perished from his hands, the number of villages, bathed in blood; save for yours. (Courtesy to that stupid pact, he forged with you)

Something had told him, that there'd be a better time to put an end to the pitiful lives of your kin.

"Can't speak? What caused so, darling?" His tone was laced with smugness, a twisted joy elicited in him. "Fearful that your play amounted to nothing?"

Your jaw ticked with anger. You were furious. "I don't believe you. You are lying."

Your trust on humans was commendable, he'd give you that. However, there's stark contrast between faith and blind belief. You were inclining towards the latter.

So, what do they do when words fail to convey message? Oh right, you give them a prime example.

"Let me just show it to you then, wife."

It was a gamble, he was willing to make. To keep you with him, forever, as he wanted - he needed you to know that no place other than his arms would be as comforting. Even if that meant breaking your very soul, so be it.

You were home.

One moment, Sukuna held your gaze. The next, you are standing before your hearth.

Toes dipping into the familiar black soil, the land where you ran and played during your childhood. Your familial home stood steps away from you. Still looked the same except the visible cracks on the wall, a layer of dust on top of the door and the woods looked worn out. However, what caught your eyes weren't the flaws of your home but the familiar older woman walking into your home.

"Mother…"

She stilled all of a sudden, rotating on her heels, her eyes landed on you. Shell shocked, that's what she was with the widened eyes and parted lips. A small smile curved up on your lips, she still looked the same except the few grey hairs and wrinkles aside her eyes.

"Mother," You called again, taking a step towards her. "I am back."

Sooner than you expected, her eyebrows scrunched up, mouth curving down when she finally registered your presence. You weren't some illusion or her mind playing tricks. "What are you here for?"

The disdainful tone caused you to flinch. You didn't expect this. Returning home, you dreamt of it to be filled with tears of joy and warm embraces. Not this… whatever, she was presenting you with. But- But its fine, you have returned after a two whole years. She must have been worried. The reason of her apprehension. God, you had a lot making up to do.

"Well, you know," You chuckled lightly, scratching the back of your neck. "Back… just back. I have returned."

"Found your way after two years?" She crossed her arms over her chest, staring at you with a look you didn't want to recognize.

You nodded, "Yes. How could I forget my way? Our address, its-"

You were interrupted when your name was spit out from her mouth. Her glare on you was palpable, "I know what it is. What are you here for?"

Her fury even made your skin crawl with fear. You were often on the receiving end of her glare when you were a child, given by your tendencies to run around and cause trouble for others. Yet, those glares, were none like this. This- this- you didn't want to name what it was.

"You are angry," You don't know if its directed towards your mother or yourself as you hold onto the last bit of fragments that not all is lost. "I get it, I really do." You stood on your toes, attempting to look behind her, into your house. "Where's father? Tell him, I am-"

"No more."

As if the air was knocked out of your lungs.

"What?" Your neck craned towards her so fast, it might have left a sprain. Yet, that was the least of your concern. "What do you mean by no more?"

"No more means no more." Your mother's sigh fell heavy on the air, words carried the weight of the world. Laid with pain underneath.

"How- when? Wha-what happened?" You couldn't wrap your mind around the new discovery. No one told you such. Who could've guessed? Such an ordeal to occur in your absence. And what might she be going through, without you. You didn't even get the chance to talk to him, one last time.

"A year ago," She confessed, her voice conveyed her lament and sorrow. Her words felt like a hammered blow on the fragile façade of hope, you had intricately crafted for yourself. However, she wasn't done. Her eyes held scorn, lips curled up to a sneer. "Aren't you satisfied? You finally made your mark. Must tell you," Her voice, once filled with love held nothing save for contempt, directed at you. "Good game, you played, dear." She spit the endearment as if, it were poison.

"No, I- I never wanted any of this. What are you even talking about?" A trembling footfall towards her, you whispered, "M-mother-"

"Don't you dare call me that."

The weight of her judgement felt heavy on you, pressing down, suffocating you alike chains.

"You are no daughter of mine."

You weren't aware since when the tears had sprang up your eyes, breaking the barricades, they shed down. Your throat burnt as you struggled to even breathe, clutching your chest - a searing pain shooting in your heart. Your heart was shattering from the ultimate rejection from your own flesh and blood.

"While you're at it, know this." Your mother continued.

The next words were like a blow to the gut, each syllable lined with the weight of revelations. Ones that hung in the air like a funeral shroud.

"In his last moments, his only regret was bringing a daughter like you in this world."

This night just doesn't seem to end, does it?

You were left as a hollow shell. Tethering the steps away from the home you were no more welcomed. Exhaustion reigned heavy on you. Physically and mentally.

Where were you going? You didn't know. Just where your feet would take you, there would you go. Perhaps, you can return to Sukuna. Would he take you back? Most probably not. Considering, your earlier outburst, adding to the fact that you refused to give him what you want; he might just discard you as you proved to be useless.

Funny. It was so damn funny. Once, you wished to escape from his hands whatsoever the price yet now… now you considered returning to him.

You could hear him calling you pathetic. Disgusting. More disgusting, that you agreed with him.

You were truly pathetic.

But before you could spiral down the void of self-hatred, a voice- nah, multiple voices startled you.

"There she is, parading around some meek, innocent girl." A scoff is added. "You are far from it."

"The nerve of you to just walk back into our lives after you betrayed us."

Your neck cranes to your left, an old man - the village elder with a few other men and women following behind; they approached you. "Excuse me?"

"Who do you think you are?" A woman's cry reached your ears. "Returning after you turned your back on us."

You flinched at the accusation thrown. What could be possibly be instigating? To all your knowledge, you were walking in this- in your village after two long years. Anger, disdain and accusatory glares clouded their features. If your mother's insults weren't enough to pierce through your heart then it certainly did now, with all the people, you once called your own to look at you like you were the monster.

You summoned the least bit of courage you had, squared your shoulders and started, "I'd have you know-"

"Traitors don't get to speak." At the center of the crowd was the village elder. He was the pillars of your hamlet, revered for his wisdom and guidance, but now he looked akin a judge ready to deliver his sentence upon you. A sentence which would push you more into this conundrum. "You've been cavorting to that monster. Disgusting."

"I am no traitor." You retorted soon. "You can't accuse me of such when you don't ev-"

"Save it for someone who would care, whore."

The curse had your mouth parted in disbelief, horror etched upon your mien. Sooner than you could compose yourself, did whispers of agreement rippled through the crowd which branded you as a traitor.

"You are just as twisted as him."

"Get out of here if you so much as hold your life dear."

"Don't play as the innocent bitch, now."

The accusation hung in the air like a dark cloud, poisoning the atmosphere with its venomous hatred. Your breath was caught in your throat as you searched desperately for words to defend yourself; the crowd's hostility rendered you speechless. But amidst the cacophony of condemnation, one voice stood out above the rest.

I wonder, why this curse keeps protecting your pathetic life from people who would cross rivers to lay down yours?

Really? Were you really recalling his words now? Now of all times… You truly were pathetic.

For one moment, You just stayed silent - letting their accusations bore you down. Somewhere you wished all of it were just a nightmare. You'll soon wake up on your bed beside Sukun- fuck! Since when did you start to expect to wake up with him? He- He was toying with your mind. This was the only result. But the fact that this was your thought process had you recoil back.

The next moment, everything made sense.

These accusations were stemmed from the fact that you- you were proclaimed to be the wife of the King of curses. Your unwillingness to return, given for the pact you forged with Sukuna, was taken as your cue that you betrayed your family, your home, your people.

Your family despised you. Your people despised you. The very same people you chose to protect were turning their back on you.

Did they truly try to lay down your life?

Amidst your plight, you didn't register when the village elder marched up to you. "Didn't you hea-" His trial at speech was cut off. Nay, his lifeline was cut off. (Humorous, isn't it?)

Numerous red lines appeared on his body before it burst off into a globs of flesh and blood. Blood which splashed onto you, marring your visage and attire with its hues.

He was here. You knew it. You could feel it.

For some reason, it filled you with a sense of relief.

However, your people were on the other end of the rope. The eyes which afore held hatred and disgust, they were now filled with horror and fright. In this reverie as the villagers started to flee, a torch tumbled on the ground - lighting the grass on fire. The winds showed no mercy, as the howls increased, so did the flames.

Provoking him was never the right move.

You were digging your own grave.

Playing with fire only gets you burnt.

Flames surrounded you, crawling up your skin, the screams piercing your ears, your chest heaved up and down. Gaze, once settled on your hearth, now all you saw were the burning huts, the crackling of embers reached your ears. Attire and hands stained with blood of the insolent.

No one touches what's mine.

The warning shouldn't have been taken lightly. Should have known, the extent of his power.

Eyes held terror, fright, regret- whatever you could name. The multitude of names you received seemed no more than a distant dream, nowhere to be found. All were running away - expectable.

You expected calamity, but you were calm.

The sparks danced over your irises as everything went down in the crimson hues. Save for you, you weren't burning. Not an spark touched your skin. Was it the distance or the control? Who knows. But one confirmation which you held was that - tonight you won't die. Not so soon either.

Careful, not all Gods are worshipped.

The words rang in your ears and as if on cue, you found him again. In this trance of insanity, only one thing held your sight when you attempted to turn - The eyes tinted with crimson.

All of a sudden, something burnt inside you too.

Unbridled rage consumed you. Your chest heaved up and down as ragged breath left your mouth. Their words came back to you, ringing in your ears as if you were pushed into a void.

Who do you think you are? Returning after you turned your back on us.

Would this bitch even be alive if you prioritized yourself?

Don't play as the innocent bitch, now.

Is that the thanks you get for trying to protect them?

Traitors don't get to talk.

Traitor… fine, you'd be the traitor.

With caution you took one step towards him. No reaction. Your chance - you took another. Then another and another. You stood before him, with nothing save for a void etching your features. Amusement flickered over him, the corner of his lip curled up.

"Saw it for yourself wife?"

Seemed like silence was your go-to response lately. From your peripheral, you saw the burning houses, the distant screams reached you. For some reason, the screams were almost soothing. You revelled in this. Their gut wrenching shrieks were like a balm to your essence.

Their predicament was your solace.

Sounded like someone you knew. Someone who had warned you about them but you chose to remain ignorant. Sickening… were you becoming like him?

You were always like me, wife.

You could laugh. Maybe you were like him.

"Let's forge another pact?" You offered, keeping your eyes pinned on him.

"A pact?"

"A pact."

A smirk curved up his lips, the upper pair of arms crossed over his chest, "Humour me, love."

The smirk wasn't directly for you. But he did. So you returned it back. One with an equal malicious intent. Cause in that moment, no second thoughts, no doubts clouded your mind. And so, you uttered the blasphemy:

"You kill them all, each and everyone. In return, I will stay with you, give you an heir. Whatever you want from me."

A year later

Screams died down after a gruelling ten hours.

"Good news, Sukuna sama. It's a boy."

A/N: Honestly, I was almost done with this fic, long ago but while writing the climax, I kept chickening out with all the self-doubts but then I just wrote what I wanted. I do understand if the ending is not up to your liking and I sincerely apologize for it.

However, thanks for reading up till the end. I enjoyed writing this a lot. Some feedback is appreciated <3

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bakugoushotwife · 11 months ago

Text

blessing and curse

summary: yuuji is a wonderful boyfriend...you just wish he was able to fuck you... warnings: post shibuya, aged up duh, yuuji struggles with ptsd, night terrors, as well as anxiety, you both see therapists, oral (fem receiving), penetrative sex, fem!reader, pet names, (pretty girl, baby, cutie, etc), rough sex. wc: 3k a/n: this is my first yuuji piece nom nom nom i'm actually obsessed and soaking wet tbh i'm thinking thoughts for yuuji.........anyway to my lovely requester i hope you enjoy this <;3 jjk masterlist here

yuuji feels things very intensely. it’s a blessing and a curse, though the latter is more often experienced than the former. guilt, loss, regret–all things that nearly swallowed him whole while he fought for his friends and the people of japan–for the whole world. it’s so hard to be him, to live with what he carries on his shoulders–on his soul. he’s unloveable. he’s the one who caused all of the pain—things would have been easier if he died. there’s a number of people whose lives ended because of and for him. he was only just adjacent to a murderer. months after the fighting ceased and the war was won, he would wake up numerous times through the night with night terrors. he couldn’t even call them nightmares because they weren’t fabrications of his imagination. they were all too real memories that kept making their rounds–reminding him that he would be forever burdened with a layer of hell no one else could claim to know about.

he met you in the waiting room of his therapist’s office. he remembers seeing you and wondering what you could be talking to his specialist about. it meant you also had to be a sorcerer—clearly he couldn’t see a normal one about his specific traumas and baggage, and apparently neither could you. he remembers not even knowing you and his heart still hurting for the pretty young girl that must be hurting like him. he remembers hoping that you hadn’t been through anything like what he had—the anxious voice in the back of his mind wondering if somehow he caused your pain via sukuna’s rampages or the destruction and death that followed him. he remembers you meeting his eyes on a seemingly unremarkable thursday afternoon, catching him in the middle of one of his staring way too long episodes. you narrowed your eyes and tilted your head at him in amusement.

the rest was easy. you were easy to talk to, to admire, to hold, to love. you made him feel intense things in a good way–in a way he had nearly given up on. his world had slowly become a mixed palette of blacks and whites and muted grays–but your smile brought color back. your touch made vivid purples and yellows; your laughter the brightest of pinks and the most warm oranges. you became the blessing where he was the curse, the savior of a damned man bound to paint on smiles and pretend that sacrificing his soul and everyone he’s ever loved was worth it. now he felt unimaginable comfort and love by getting to know you. his smiles weren’t so fake anymore—and the only things that woke him in the night was losing you. truly the only fear that yuuji itadori has left: cursing his blessing.

you thought he was the best boyfriend around and an even better man. you’ve slowly but surely unraveled the reason he was visiting the therapist through his eventual opening up to you and telling you just a fraction of what he’s experienced in his life and you can understand his intimacy issues. see…yuuji is easy to love. he’s wonderful, attentive, sweet, careful, strong and chivalrous. but he won’t fuck you. you’re too nervous to push him any further—all too aware of his fears of letting anyone in, of loving and showing that in ways that make you vulnerable. he’s all too conscious of what it would mean—of the danger he would be putting you in.

there’s been many times here lately that you’ve thought that line will finally be crossed—heavy petting and make-outs that get you squirming in his lap and soaking through your panties. it always goes this way, no matter how innocent the two of you try to keep your dates. move night, game night, even cooking together ends up with yuuji’s tongue down your throat and his hands under your shirt. tonight is no different, some youtube video plays in the background—a forgotten video game walkthrough that yuuji had been paying careful attention to until you leaned in to rip it away with those teasing kisses to his jaw. you know exactly what buttons to press after four months of nothing past second base driving you to a point of restlessness.

you just wanted him to see your perseverance. you would do this for as long as it takes, anything to prove that you’re here to stay. you want to make him comfortable enough to tear those walls down—the ones that make his eyes flutter shut and his hands fist at his pants in order to keep them to himself. his eyes close to will himself to concentrate on something–anything—other than the feeling of your warm lips tracing his pulse, smooth fingers sliding under his shirt to outline the dips and muscles of his torso. it’s not that he doesn’t want to this, he craves you like nothing ever before. your touch is the medicine bringing him back to life, but he can’t allow himself to ruin you—taint you. but as you move into his lap and change your kisses to more intense nips and sucks at his skin, his body betrays his mind. he can feel the blood rush to his cock as your thighs trap him beneath you, and he moans out at the same time you do. the pressure of your clothed cunt sitting against his needy dick has his hands moving before he can tell himself to stop. he grabs your waist, accidentally and automatically rutting up against the friction you offer with a hiss.

“fuck, cutie.” he groans, your lips covering his parted and pouty ones to keep him from protesting further. his fingers only dig into your side as the two sides of his mind argue with each other. he wants you badly, your body slotted against his perfectly and the way you kiss him like you’re trying to touch his soul drives him crazy. anyone with a girlfriend as hot as you would be a fucking idiot to keep denying himself of her. his hands knead the warm flesh of your body as an instinct, his body knowingly responding to your advances. his tongue slides over yours in a frenzy, his head becoming fuzzy as saliva trails down his chin—something in him telling him to stop when his hands slide upwards to palm your chest. you cry out at the feeling—so starved for his affection that you know you’re soaking wet already. just his rough hands scraping over your sensitive nipples sends you into rutting rhythmic circles of your hips over the tent in his pants, breaking your sloppy kiss in order to remove your shirt fully in a silent show of what you wanted to happen next.

“aw baby—you know i can’t,” he whines, his lips swollen and even pinker than usual. he drops his hold to your hips, making comforting circles over the bone beneath his grasp. your face drops to instant heartbreak and he can feel his own heart try to rip itself apart for making you so sad. he never thought about how this must affect you, a woman with needs and desires for her boyfriend. he knows this can’t last much longer or he’ll lose you anyway. the room is just a mixture of your heavy breathing and the monotone droning of the tv for a few moments, and then you whine in retaliation, picking up his hand and moving it back to your breast. you search his eyes, seeing the fear flickering in those brown embers of his. you just need to show him there’s nothing to be scared of, that you need him worse than you need the oxygen in this room and would do anything for him today and forever.

“yuuji,” you gasp out in such a voice that he knows he won’t be able to hold back this time. four months of seeing your body in your cute date outfits and in his shirt after you’ve spent the night; the feeling of your curves under his fingers as he guides you to the safe side of the sidewalk or the swell of your hip as he guides you through the door he’s just opened—four months of draining his balls after he’s sent you home with nothing more than a few wet kisses and tit-squeezes. the way your eyes shine like you’re about to cry if he denies you one last time…it’s too much. “please—i need you,” you breathe out, reaching those gorgeously soft hands out to sweep against his cheeks, to plead with him to be a good boyfriend. he can’t make you suffer any longer—”i need you so bad yuuji, please don’t push me away…i’m your forever girl!”

oh fuck. he might cum in his pants from hearing that alone. suddenly, silence falls upon his mind. he can only hear the echoes of your cries for him–no more voices in his head arguing about the best way to continue, only you. a guttural groan rips from his throat and he stands with your legs wrapped around his body, a broad hand snaking up your back to keep you pressed against him. you squeal a little at the sudden shift and the deep growl that he let out, his face now devoid of that playful man you’ve come to love. he looks so focused, so serious, his brow furrowed as he looks over your face.

“i’m sorry i made you wait so long, pretty girl.” he nods, letting your body bounce on the bed as he’s set on immediately removing the remainder of your clothes. he pulls you to the edge, legs dangling over the sides. you almost think it must be too good to be true, sitting up on your elbows to catch a glimpse of that ravenous fire consuming his previously kind eyes. he’s leaned back to peel his own clothes off, but his eyes never leave your body. he looks over your lip pinched between your teeth to your pebbled nipples to the glistening slick coating your inner thighs. he doesn’t even know where to start, but he’s going to ensure that you’re finally taken care of. “i’m a dumbass—thought i was keeping you safer like that.” he mutters, leaning over to kiss the space between your ribcage. he makes his way to your jaw, licking a hungry stripe between your breasts and claiming your neck with bruising nips at the delicate flesh that greeted him.

you’re set to mewling immediately, the flip switched in your boyfriend making you rub your legs together in anticipation. he chuckles and you can feel him smile against your skin as his hand snakes down to keep you from squirming. he quickly pecks your lips. “m gonna make it up to you now, baby girl.” his eyes are wide, but glazed over with affection. you nod, feeling his strong fingers dig into the supple flesh of your thigh to keep you from closing them, his abs raking over your sensitive clit as he lowers himself to his knees at the foot of the bed. your face burns as you realize what he’s going to do, but he doesn’t give you time to think about it before turning your mind to mush from the feeling of his fat tongue splitting your lips apart and breaching your tiny hole. he seems pleased by the way you react—back arching off the bed and hands gripping at the sheets from the surprising burn. it’s a good burn, the kind you’ve been craving for the months you’ve been with a man who loves you like he does, your wanton moans just cementing that his choice was the right one. he’s growing addicted to this already; your flavor on his tongue, your moans echoing in his ears and your thighs pressing in to the sides of his face. he feels your silky walls clamp down on his tongue, making his eyes roll back at the thought of putting his dick in something so tight. he slurps at the arousal slipping out, sliding his tongue to the hardened bud waiting at the top of your cunt. he wraps his tongue around your clit, making you jolt at the sudden increase in sensation. it’s amazing—goosebumps prickle out over your skin and you reach down to tug at the silky pink locks woven between your fingers. you can feel every nerve running through your body and how it builds with a fiery pleasure that you know only yuuji can give you. “oh my god—yuuji!” you cry out as that pleasure mounts to a tipping point. his teeth scrape against your hood to encourage you to fall over that line so he can see what he’s been denying you of for four achingly long months.

you make the sweetest face when you cum, it has him closing a fist around his own dick to calm himself—the promise of having your pussy making him jerk at his own touch. you even sound so pretty as you shatter, legs jerking and your grip on his hair yanking almost painfully hard. it only makes yuuji smile wider, feeling a bubbly sense of satisfaction ripple in his own gut from making you feel so good.

“nngh, yuuji–” you whine, your vision returning to normal after a few seconds of respite. he’s already pushing you back to the pillows, manhandling you into the bent position he wanted. you’re on your back, knees by your ears and a boyfriend giving you no time to be anxious about the angry and leaky horsecock sliding through your folds. you thought he was a sweet man, and maybe he still is–but his own excitement to have you has him forgetting his normal chivalrous behavior. “fuck–yuuji!” you claw at his biceps, fighting against that true splitting burn. his tongue was nothing compared to the girth he pierces you with—and he’s smiling so tenderly at your wiggling and struggling.

“s’okay, cutie. you can take it, you’re already taking it!! didn’t you ask me to?” he raises a brow, face flashing with mock-confusion as your hands shove at his chest, all in an effort to get used to the feeling of him inside you. his thumb brushes your cheek, his other hand keeping the back of your thigh shoved back. “nyeh—you begged me! come on pretty girl–you gotta loosen up!” he laughs airily, moving the hand from your face back down to pinch and roll your aching clit. you jump at first, the touch sending another jolt of pleasure circulating to your brain–and then you relax enough for him to move. he’s got you folded in such a way that you can hardly breathe–or maybe that’s from how he slams into you recklessly, tip catching on your poor, innocent, cervix each time. it hurts, it burns everywhere—but it’s the best feeling in the world. his breathing grows ragged once he settled into a pace, brutally slamming into you in a way that led you to believe he wasn’t doing this on accident.

soon, your hands around his biceps slip to your sides, eyes lulling into a pleasure-induced haze. you watch him, the twitch of his nose and the way his hair gets curly once it sticks to his forehead from his sweat. he’s perfect, and he’s finally giving you all of himself, really devoting himself to you, conquering any fear. you don’t mind if you’ll be bedridden for the next week—feeling his heavy cock in your chest from how hard he ruts into you—it would be well worth it to hear his grunts and whimpers of satisfaction, to feel the bruising grip he has on your body like he’s afraid you might disappear. it’s all so good, and exactly like you craved. “there she goes—takin’ it like a champ now!” he cheers you on, panting a little as he leans over your body and grabs the headboard, deepening his angle as if he wasn’t already fucking you brainless.

the new angle makes your jaw drop in absolute earth-shattering bliss. you two could be the only people left on earth and you would never know—to consumed in yuuji itadori to notice anything else. you’re back to pawing at his chest, the coil in your gut building rapidly as he fucks into you like his life depends on it. you wanted everything, he’ll make sure he gives you everything. the headboard creaks, the bed moans with you and you truly do worry he might break it for a split second–but his broken moan of your name swallows up any wandering thoughts. a bead of sweat slides down the slope of his nose before it drops onto your cheek, the evidence of his hardwork. he moans your name again, warning you that the end was approaching. you nod as he moves your legs to his shoulders, leaning as close as possible to wrap you in his arms and kiss you in short, desperate bursts. he treasures you more than he thought possible, that look you give him right before your eyes roll back into your head from your orgasm makes his own dick jump within your vice-grip of a cunt. you make that sweet face again, a face he knows he’s hooked on—your pussy spasming around him to welcome his fat load gets him to make his own kind of special and beautiful face, lip between his teeth and adam’s apple bobbing at the same pace his balls slap into your backside. you swear you can feel his heart beating, his lungs filling and emptying as he flattens his chest to yours and fills your guts with his loving cum. he keeps thrusting even after he’s done, just watching your face contort and shift, your body bouncing in his arms. he likes the ache of overstimluation, and loves the way you mewl and hug him, eyes all sleepy and far away.

“that’s it, you did it, so so good.” he praises in a soft tone, kissing your lips and then your nose and then your forehead with equal adoration. “can’t believe i kept us from feeling like that!” he shakes his head, kissing your cheeks to continue showering you in his love if not to keep you awake. he sits back up and slides out of you, quickly snatching his t-shirt up to catch the spillage. it’s hot, watching his seed trickle from your abused pussy—he whines a little at the sight, puppy dog eyes flickering over your body as if to wonder if you could take another round…

now that you’ve gotten him to start, you may never get him to stop.

#kyleewritesjjk #jjk x reader #yuuji x reader #itadori yuuji #yuji itadori x reader #yuji itadori #yuji x reader #yuuji smut #itadori x reader #jjk yuji x reader #yuuji x fem!reader

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fallstaticexit · 4 months ago

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The Art of Being Seen - a Nancy Landgraab story

୧‿̩͙ ˖︵ ꕀ⠀ ♱⠀ ꕀ ︵˖ ‿̩͙୨

𝔓𝔞𝔯𝔱 𝔒𝔫𝔢 - 𝔜𝔬𝔲𝔱𝔥

Prev / Next

AN / Transcript under the cut

AN: Nancy's story will consist of 3 parts: Part One- Youth | Part Two - Uni | Part Three - Wife Three pivotal moments in Nancy’s life that shaped the Nancy we know today.

As mentioned in the prologue, this story may contain mature and possibly even uncomfy themes and all posts will have their corresponding trigger warners in the post as well as the tags. Trigger Warnings are: Homophobia / Religious Trauma / Death via Car Accident/ Drugs / Alcohol / Infidelity / Sex & Nudity

Also, I have experienced CAS burnout lately, so I aged down most of the townies to teens lol. I figured this version of Cassandra Goth can be the AU version since I’ve already wrote Bella and Morti Goth into my Briar legacy, which this story is apart of that universe.

Transcript:

Cassie: This is Blair Hall, the senior girls’ dorm, and if you ask me, it’s the best one. We have our own private library. Down there is the rec room; we’re not allowed to have the boys over unless it’s with a chaperone.

Cassie: We’re also the closest to the church, which is great for when we have group sessions before service. You won’t have to rush and scarf down breakfast, plus you can sleep in a little!

Nancy: [sarcastically] Gee, how’d I get so lucky?

Cassie: Sister Agnes always says, It’s not luck—it’s a blessing! Vacancies are hard to come by. My old roomie withdrew; she had a really hard time fitting in with the other girls. They can be... kind of intense.

Dina: Oh, look. Another pretty blonde rich girl. Like those aren’t a dime a dozen here.

Nina: [scoffs] Here we go...

Dina: I am not joking. I better not catch her ass around Don. The last hoochie he was tonguing down was also a skinny, flat-chested, blonde bimbo.

Vanessa: You need to put his weenie in a cage instead of fighting every girl that breathes the same air as him.

Dina: Well, he wouldn’t be tempted if these floozies would stay away from my man!

Vanessa: I guess dyeing your hair blonde isn’t working for you, huh?

Dina: Oh, shut it, VV. You’re just jealous he isn’t into redheads.

Nina: Hmm, I thought he was into redheads though.

Dina: Ugh, as if!

Cassie: You can pretty much decorate your space however you want. Just nothing that’s on the prohibited list. There’s a room check every night before curfew, and-

Nancy: What do you know about that redhead on the balcony?

Cassie: Dina?

Nancy: No, she said her name was Vanessa. I ran into her this morning but she didn’t mention her last name.

Cassie: Oh, yeah! VV. Vanessa Villareal. She’s- eh, one of the mean girls. I try to stay out their way. Probably best you do the same.

Nancy: [softly to herself] Villareal. So, she’s old money, too.

Cassie: Her family built the school. Guess that’s why she feels like she can do whatever she wants- eh, don’t tell anyone I said that!

Cassie: But, erm, you’re welcome to hang out with me and my friends during rec and lunch and stuff. I know how tough it can, being the new girl and all.

Nancy: Yeah? ...thanks- Cassie, was it?

Cassie: You’ll totally like my friends. They’re the coolest people on Earth.

Cassie: Definitely better than some people. You can tell who goes here because of their faith and who was forced here because of their lack of it.

Cassie: Hey guys! This is Nancy, she’s my new roomie.

Bob: No way, they filled Angela’s spot already? Money talks. I’m Bob, or Bobby, and this cool, tall drink of water is Geoffrey. Welcome to Paradise.

Bob: [whispers] Geoffrey! Say something to the pretty girl!

Geoffrey: [voice cracks] W-we’ve um, met already.

Geoffrey: Our dad’s are friends. I just haven’t seen her since we were 10 years old. She looks so... different.

Bob: Oh, I seeee. First love? Your ears are beet red, my man.

Bob: Take a seat, newbie! Are you into D&D, perchance?

Nancy: I have no idea what that is.

Bob: Oh, ho ho! You’re in for a treat, m’lady. I’ll catch you up from the beginning of our campaign.

Vanessa: You look so bored. Want to get out of here, new girl?

Vanessa: Don’t worry, I’ll return you back to your nerds in one piece.

Cassie: [grumbles] Um, hello, we’re sitting right here?

Nancy: Go where, exactly? This place is in the middle of nowhere.

Vanessa: Guess you’ll have to come and find out.

Nancy VO: [I learned then, that I would follow her anywhere]

Dina: There she goes, taking in another stray.

Nancy VO: [All she had to do was take my hand]

#Landgraab story #nancy landgraab #dark academia #catholic school #sims 4 stories #ts4 simblr #sims 4 simblr #sims 4 community #ts4 story #a special big thank you to my sister for the title #you’re the best ✨#cassandra goth #geoffrey landgraab #bob pancakes #dina caliente #nina caliente #don lothario #Vanessa Villarreal OC

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03jyh23 · 5 months ago

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🚪⌇not like the previous ones┆kang yeosang

yeosang x gn!reader

│synopsis: the one where i love you scares the life out of you

│genre: hurt/comfort

│trigger warnings: anxiety, insecurity in relationships, feelings of guilt and regret, past trauma from previous relationships mentioned

│words: 3.3 k

│reminder: what you’re about to read is purely fiction, so let’s keep it separate from reality.

│the requested prompts are bold

!minors do not interact!

— hi there my lovely people! the time has finally come for my first yeosang fic~ when i saw the request sangie was the first member that came to my mind so i just went for it! thank you for requesting!

love, monika ♡

It was a late evening, and you were comfortably curled up against Yeosang, enjoying the warmth and closeness as you both settled in to watch a movie he had chosen. He had promised that next time, he would watch Titanic with you, knowing how much you loved it. However, for this evening, he was especially eager to watch the latest Marvel movie recently added to the streaming platforms. You could feel Yeosang's excitement radiating through as he explained why he was so looking forward to this film. His body was warm, and the sensation of feeling him so near provided you with a comfort you hadn’t felt in a long while. Yeosang and you had just recently started dating, and it was difficult for you to open up to someone new. Letting yourself go and releasing all the worries and wounds your earlier relationships had left you with was not easy. Yet, Yeosang was so gentle and patient with you that you couldn't help but start gravitating toward him. Your eyes drifted away from the TV screen for a moment, only to find Yeosang staring at you with his pretty, brown eyes. Those eyes, which seemed to see nothing but you, held a world of warmth and affection. You smiled gently at him, your brow furrowing slightly as you mouthed, "What?" His gaze was so tender that it made your heart flutter.

Yeosang opened his mouth only to close it again. He smiled at you, and you swear you could melt at the way his eyes smiled, creating those crescent moons. You giggled softly, feeling shy all of a sudden, and you put your head on his shoulder, leaning even closer to him. As the movie played on, you found it increasingly difficult to focus on the screen, your mind drifting to how fortunate you felt to have someone like Yeosang by your side. He gently wrapped his arm around you, the simple gesture made your heart flutter, and you couldn't help but smile to yourself. The comfort you felt in his presence was something you hadn't experienced in a long time, and it made you realize just how much you had needed to feel this way.

You tried to focus on the movie, but your fluttering heart made it hard to do so. Every scene seemed to blur together as your mind wandered. After a small while, your eye caught a glimpse of Yeosang staring at you once again. You felt warmth spreading throughout your face, a blush creeping up your cheeks.

Yeosang didn't look away; instead, he smiled gently, his eyes crinkling at the corners. That smile was enough to make you feel like the most special person in the world. You couldn't help but smile back, feeling a sense of happiness. The movie played on, but it was clear that neither of you was paying much attention to it anymore.

"Sangie!" You smiled, punching his arm gently. "You wanted to watch the movie, yet you aren't paying attention!"

Yeosang chuckled softly, rubbing the spot where you had playfully punched him. "I can't help it," he replied, his voice filled with warmth. "I find you much more interesting than any movie." His words made your heart flutter even more. You felt a blush creeping up your cheeks and tried to hide your face by snuggling closer into his shoulder. Yeosang tilted his head slightly, resting it on top of yours. "You know, you don't have to hide from me," he whispered softly, his breath warm against your ear.

"You just... you are too sweet, and it's embarrassing how red my face probably is right now," you whispered, your voice barely audible. You could feel the warmth spreading across your cheeks, and you were certain that your face was now a deep shade of crimson.

Yeosang's hand gently traced small circles on your back, his touch soothing and reassuring. "You don't have to be embarrassed," he murmured softly. "I think it's adorable."

His words made your heart flutter even more, and you couldn't help but smile against his shoulder. "I just... I'm not used to someone being so kind and caring," you admitted, your voice trembling slightly. "It's a little overwhelming."

Yeosang gently moved his arms away from you, his hands on your shoulders, making you stop hiding your face, so you were facing each other. His touch was tender, and the sincerity in his eyes was unmistakable. You could feel your heart racing, the vulnerability of the moment making you feel both exposed and cherished.

He took a deep breath as if to steady himself, and without much thought, he blurted out, "Y/N, of course I treat you kindly. I mean, that's how you show you love a person."

You felt your heart sink, and panic rushed through you. The words echoed in your mind, and you found it hard to breathe. Yeosang noticed your reaction and quickly added, "I didn't mean to scare you. I just... I love you, Y/N. And I want you to know that you're safe with me."

You abruptly backed away from Yeosang's hold, swallowing hard. Your eyes couldn't focus, your thoughts were racing. Even when you opened your mouth to answer, nothing came out.

Yeosang's expression shifted instantly, concern clouding his face. He reached out tentatively, yet you smoothly escaped from his touch. "I'm sorry if I said something wrong," he murmured, his voice tinged with worry.

"I... um... I just, yeah thank you but you should really get going," you mumbled, your voice barely above a whisper. The words felt heavy, laden with the weight of your insecurities and fears. You couldn't meet Yeosang's eyes, afraid of seeing the hurt and confusion that you knew would be there.

There was a moment of silence, a palpable tension hanging in the air. Yeosang hesitated, clearly torn between wanting to respect your wishes and the urge to stay and comfort you. Finally, he nodded slowly, his expression a mix of sadness and understanding. "Okay," he said softly, his voice gentle. With that, he stood up and made his way to the door, leaving you alone with your swirling emotions and the lingering warmth of his presence.

The night was spent in creeping and paralyzing guilt, that held you in a chokehold. Every time you closed your eyes, the scene replayed in your mind: Yeosang's hurt expression, the way his shoulders slumped as he walked out the door, and the heavy silence that followed. You tossed and turned, unable to find any semblance of peace. The weight of your insecurities and fears bore down on you, making it difficult to breathe. You couldn't shake the feeling that you had pushed away someone who genuinely cared for you, someone who had only shown you kindness and patience. The guilt gnawed at you, making sleep an impossible task. You lay there, staring at the ceiling, wishing you could turn back time and handle the situation differently. The night stretched on, each minute feeling like an eternity as you were held captive by your own remorse and regret.

You lost count of how many times you picked up your phone and tried to type any sort of text to Yeosang, yet nothing seemed to be suitable. Each time you began to write, your fingers would hover over the keyboard, paralyzed by doubt and fear. You would type a few words, only to delete them moments later, convinced they weren't enough to convey what you truly felt. You wanted to apologize, to explain, to assure him that your reaction was a result of your own insecurities and not a reflection of his actions. But no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't find the right way to express the turmoil inside you. The more you struggled, the more frustrated you became, until eventually, you would put your phone down with a heavy sigh, the message unsent and your heart still aching.

A few days passed, and you tried to fall back into your routine to keep your thoughts in check. You immersed yourself in anything that could distract you, but the emptiness left by Yeosang's absence was hard to ignore. During those days, you found yourself repeatedly checking your phone, hoping for a message from Yeosang, but the screen remained stubbornly blank. Each day without a word from him felt like a sharp pang in your heart, making it harder to hold onto the hope that things could be mended.

You knew it was high time to start making peace with the undeniable truth: you had lost Yeosang.

Or maybe you should just reach out to him like an adult should, and face your insecurities? After all, you owed it to yourself and him to be honest about your feelings and fears. But then again, what if Yeosang had just given up on you? What if he did not want to be there for you, ever? The thought of losing him for good made your heart ache even more. Yet, despite these fears, you could not ignore how kind and attentive he had always been. If he genuinely loved you, wouldn't he reach out himself? But perhaps he was waiting for you to make the first move, to show that you were willing to open up and fight for the relationship.

It was yet another evening you spent sprawled out on your couch. You had already binge-watched half of the season of the hottest drama, and it started to tire you. The dramatic scenes on the screen seemed distant, unable to hold your attention any longer. Lying down, munching on chips, and watching TV had indeed made you tired.

You sighed deeply, feeling the weight of your emotions pressing down on you. You shifted slightly, trying to find a more comfortable position, but no amount of rearranging seemed to ease the discomfort within you.

As you lay there, staring at the ceiling, your thoughts drifted back to that night with Yeosang. The memory of his hurt expression and the sadness in his eyes haunted you. You replayed the scene over and over in your mind, wishing you could go back and handle things differently.

The ceiling above you offered no answers, just a blank canvas for your swirling thoughts. You wondered what Yeosang was doing, if he was thinking about you too, or if he had already moved on. All you could do was lie there, staring at the ceiling, and hope that somehow, you would find the courage to face your fears and reach out to Yeosang.

A sudden doorbell ring startled you, sending a jolt through your body. Your heart began to race, the unexpected sound breaking the silence and stillness of your evening. With each step toward the door, you felt the rush of adrenaline coursing through you. You could barely hold your curiosity and hope as you reached for the doorknob. Taking a deep breath, you steadied yourself, trying to calm the whirlwind of emotions inside you. Finally, with a sense of urgency and a fluttering heart, you swung the door open, revealing Yeosang standing there, holding a bouquet of flowers. His eyes met yours, and you could see a mix of hope and apprehension in them. The sight of him standing there, flowers in hand, made your heart skip a beat.

"Yeosang," you managed to whisper, your voice trembling. The sight of him standing there, so close yet seemingly so far, made your heart ache.

"Hey," he said softly, his voice carrying a gentle warmth. "I know we left things in a pretty rough spot, but I couldn't stop thinking about you. I wanted to make things right."

"I'm so sorry—" you managed to say before Yeosang interrupted you.

"No, please, let me speak first," he said, his voice urgent yet tender. "I've missed you so much, and I can't stand the thought of us being apart because of.... whatever that was. I want to be with you, Y/N, and I want to help you through whatever you're feeling." His words hung in the air, filled with sincerity and a deep yearning. You nodded slowly as you felt a lump form in your throat, overwhelmed by the emotions coursing through you. "I am not like the previous assholes that played with you," Yeosang began, his voice trembling slightly as he took a deep breath. His eyes locked onto yours, filled with determination and sincerity. "I know you've been hurt before, and I understand that it's hard for you to trust again. But I'm not them." He paused, his gaze never wavering, giving you time to absorb his words.

The sincerity in his eyes made your heart ache, and you could feel the warmth of his presence enveloping you.

"I'm willing to do whatever it takes to show you that," he continued, his voice steadying but still filled with emotion. "If earning your love means proving myself repeatedly, that's what I'll do. Because I truly love you." He paused again, his eyes searching for any sign of understanding. "I am ready to work through every challenge, every fear, and every doubt with you," he said, his voice growing stronger with each word. "You can't get rid of me that easy." A small, determined smile appeared on his face, and you could see the resolve in his eyes. "I want to be there for you, to support you, and to make sure you feel safe and cherished," he said, his voice softening as he took a step closer, finally entering your apartment. The proximity made your heart flutter even more, "We can take this one step at a time, together."

You felt a surge of emotion, your eyes welling up with tears. The vulnerability in his voice and the sincerity in his eyes made you realize just how much he cared for you. Your heart swelled with gratitude and love, and you knew that this was a moment you would always cherish.

"I was beginning to think you weren't coming back," you whispered, your voice trembling with a mix of relief and lingering fear. You took a few steps closer, finally closing the distance between you. Wrapping your arms around his waist, you rested your cheek on his chest, hearing his heartbeat, which momentarily made you relax. Yeosang’s scent enveloped you, a familiar and comforting aroma that brought back memories of your first date. You noticed he had put on the cologne you had complimented back then, a small but significant gesture that showed how much he cared.

"I never wanted to leave in the first place," he replied, his voice filled with earnestness. Yeosang finally wrapped one arm around you, pulling you gently but firmly closer. His head rested on top of yours, and you could feel the warmth of his breath against your hair. The worries and insecurities that had plagued you for days began to dissipate, replaced by a sense of peace and belonging. You closed your eyes, allowing yourself to fully absorb the comfort and love that radiated from Yeosang.

"I've missed this," you whispered, your voice barely audible, but you knew he heard you.

"Me too," he replied softly, his voice vibrating through his chest and into your ear. "I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere."

His words were like a balm to your wounded heart, and you couldn't help but tighten your embrace, holding onto him as if he were your lifeline. You looked up at him as you pulled out of the hug, smiling softly at him. You couldn't even begin to describe how glad you were to see him again, to hear and feel how much he cared. The emotions that had been swirling inside you for days seemed to settle, replaced by a sense of peace and relief.

Yeosang finally handed you the flowers, "These are for you," he said gently, his voice filled with warmth and tenderness.

You took the bouquet from him, your fingers brushing against his momentarily. The flowers were beautiful, vibrant, and fresh, and they brought a smile to your face. You couldn't help but bring them to your nose, inhaling their delicate fragrance.

"Thank you," you whispered, your voice filled with gratitude. The simple act of receiving the flowers made you feel cherished and valued in a way you hadn't felt before. "Nobody ever got me flowers," you whispered, your voice tinged with a mix of disbelief and gratitude.

Yeosang's expression softened even more, his eyes never leaving yours. "Well, get used to it," he said gently, his voice filled with warmth. "Because I plan on giving you many more flowers, and so much more."

"I am so stupid for not telling you then, but I love you too, Sangie," you confessed in a rush, your voice trembling with emotion.

Yeosang couldn't help but smile at your confession, yet he quickly composed himself and took a few steps back, confusing you. Then his eyes widened right before he looked down on the floor. He ran his hand through his hair, and your heart dropped. You watched him closely, trying to decipher his sudden change. The room seemed to grow quieter, the tension thickening with each passing second. Your mind raced with possibilities, each one more unsettling than the last. Yeosang took a deep breath, his expression shifting to one of contemplation. His eyes flickered with a mix of emotions—surprise, uncertainty, and something else you couldn't quite place. He seemed to be grappling with his thoughts, the silence stretching on and making you feel more anxious.

"Oh..." he gasped loudly, his eyes widening in mock surprise before continuing, "Um… I mean, thanks, but I better get going," he teased, his voice dripping with fake urgency as he mimicked your reaction from a few days ago.

You couldn't help but scoff at his words, a mischievous grin spreading across your face. You playfully punched his arm, the force light but enough to convey your amusement. Bursting into laughter, you shook your head at his antics. "You jerk," you said, giggling uncontrollably as you remembered the original incident he was referring to.

Yeosang laughed along with you, his eyes shining with joy. "I couldn't resist," he admitted, wrapping his arms around you once more. "But seriously, I love you, and I'm here to stay." His words were filled with a depth of emotion that made your heart swell with happiness.

You looked up at him, feeling a sense of relief and warmth wash over you. "I love you too, Yeosang," you whispered, your voice steady and sincere. "And I'm ready to face everything with you. No more running away."

Yeosang's smile widened, and he leaned down to press a soft kiss on your forehead. "That's all I needed to hear," he murmured against your skin. "We'll take it one step at a time, together."

You nodded, feeling a newfound sense of hope and determination. With Yeosang by your side, you knew you could face anything. The fears and insecurities that had once held you back began to fade, replaced by the comforting knowledge that you were not alone.

"So, about that Titanic showing?" Yeosang asked, a playful glint in his eyes.

You chuckled softly, feeling a sense of relief wash over you. "Yeah, I think we can make that happen," you replied, smiling up at him. "How about tomorrow night?"

Yeosang's eyes lit up with excitement. "It's a date," he said, leaning down to press a gentle kiss on your lips.

♡│if you enjoy my writing please consider supporting me by tagging and reblogging│

♡│requests are open │

│ it has come to my attention that a lot of ageless/blank blogs have started to interact with my fics. while i appreciate your interest in my writing, i want to remind everyone that my blog is for adults only. it only takes a moment to personalize your blog and add your age. please take a moment to do so. this way, it will be easier for everyone and will save me from having to go through all my notifications to block blank/ageless blogs.│

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p1nk-matter · 8 months ago

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shiggy fluff cause he deserves all the love // inspired by @aslutforfictionalmen's post (here's my interpretation, i also spontaneously wrote this @/3am so his quirk may have been erased not his trauma tho)

‘’There is no reason to be wearing that.’’ You laugh as you look at him.

Tenko in a suit has to be the funniest thing you’ve ever seen. ‘’It's just a drive-in movie theater.’’ You tease and he scoffs.

‘’Yeah well I can’t win, can I? Tracksuits are too casual, I remind you of a busker, remember? And what’s wrong with that by the way, you wish you had their talent–’’

‘’Enough, we’re running late.’’ You cut him off but can’t hide your smile when he’s all annoyed lecturing you in a fucking suit.

The movie chosen was cliché, borderline comical especially when you’re accompanied by a tall man with questionable appearance. How you even convinced him to join you is beyond comprehension, most likely because you promised him to play Nintendo Switch, his latest obsession. You’d play with him regardless, a man with a childhood lost, robbed from things you experienced firsthand at a younger age but Tenko couldn’t really see it. You on the other hand recognized it, and through small acts (annoying as such because for some inexplicable reason he always lost to you) you showed him everything he’d missed.

‘’I wrote you 365 letters. I wrote you everyday for a year!’’

Ryan Gosling says as you feel a hand squeeze yours tightly, shoulders touching as the night sky glows above the projector. You turn to look at him confused, The Notebook was one of those films you’d seen a million times, failing to evoke powerful emotions after some time but it was still a very satisfying rewatch. Tenko turns his head.

‘’What’s wrong?’’ You say, anxious he might be having another panic attack. You knew how to calm him down but never the extent of it and that scared you.

‘’It’s nothing’’ He whispers, his voice is composed, you note, good.

‘’Yes... it wasn't over, it still isn't over..’’ Gosling continues.

‘’Can you believe he wrote to her all this time? This is so fucking cruel!’’ he almost shouts, as a couple of heads turn to look at him annoyed.

‘’Oh my god, are you crying over the movie right now?’’ You want to burst out laughing but the stares warn you otherwise, both your tones too loud. You can’t believe what a sucker for romance he is, he always acts all tough but ends up being hungry for love anywhere he can find it. You kind of get it, it also kind of breaks your heart.

‘’I’m so posting this.’’ You tease as he wipes his eyes clean with a tissue he had in his pocket.

‘’I swear to god if you don’t shut the fuck up.’’ His voice is shaky but his eyes are glued to the scene, anxious for what’s coming next. Will they make up? Maybe even make out, have sex? Poor him, he’s unprepared for the bittersweet end.

The drive back home is silent, you take it he’s still thinking about the film, contemplating its ending, unsure whether he likes it or not.

‘’Sooo.. did you like it?’’

‘’It was okay.’’ He feigns indifference and you don’t continue. You allow him to ponder before speaking up, he almost always adds something on his own.

‘’I just think it’s funny she married the other guy, you know.’’ He says.

‘’What was she supposed to do? She didn’t know about the letters, remember?’’

‘’Still, if she really loved him, she should’ve waited, should’ve been alone, grieved on her own. How could she do this?’’ He asks as you sigh.

‘’It’s just a film and people make mistakes. You never know until you tell them.’’

This time he doesn’t continue.

‘’So what do you want to do?’’ You ask once you’ve arrived home, it’s already past midnight but both of you are too lively for sleep.

‘’You promised Nintendo.’’ He reminds you and you sigh. Not your favorite part of the day but you silently take a seat next to him on the couch.

3 rounds of Mario Kart racing on the Nintendo Switch and Tenko is losing consecutively as he whines frustrated: ‘’Enough!’’

‘’I just don’t understand why you’re always losing.’’ You tell him, as far as you know he was unlocking the game levels with ease on his own.

‘’I don’t know, shit, you ask way too many questions today’’ he complains, ‘’I’ll go change, this suit is itching the fuck out of me’’ he continues as you get up.

He finds you scrolling on your phone, a towel wrapped around him, droplets falling from his hair, which he must’ve aggressively ruffled (in failed efforts to dry) as he literally drops his body onto yours, scaring you and making you drop your phone.

‘’Tenko, fuck agh!’’ You groan, ‘’my phone!’’

He was so annoying and on top of that soaking your shirt too.

‘’I’m sorry.’’ He smiles, he wasn’t really sorry, he missed you, he thought. Even though you were together the whole day, he still missed you. So much. He couldn’t get enough of you, any moment shared only made him more anxious for your next departure, he wished he could somehow glue you to his skin forever.

You playfully slapped his arm and he retaliated, pinching your nose as you pouted.

‘’Don’t pout.’’ He warns, ‘’I'll bite you.’’ But you don’t listen. He brings his mouth to yours as his teeth sink in your lower lip, pulling at it and letting it out softly.

‘’Ouch, you douche!’’ You fake pain but he knows he didn’t actually hurt you, he could never.

There was a moment where neither of you did anything, must’ve been less than a minute, before he leaned closer, mouths in close proximity as he noticed your eyes shut.

I want to kiss her, he thought and he did. Soft lips brought to yours, as you immediately kissed him back, cupping his wet neck and bringing his face even closer, deepening the kiss. His arms quivered, threatening to make him lose his balance and fall on top of you, he lost himself every time you kissed him.

His hand slid down your waist, positioning you higher on the couch as your hungry mouth searched for his again, needy breaths escaped your lips, a sight that made him feel the all too familiar pain in his groin, a towel was still draped around him and you were still in your outside clothes.

A peak across the room showed him the window curtains open.

‘’Give me a minute, baby.’’ He said as he got up to close them, returning to you with his arms stretched out, ready to move this somewhere more comfortable.

–

He was awakened by an asleep arm, your weight had fallen on it and he felt numb.

He gently tried to remove it but you moved around and whispered in a raspy voice, god, how much he loved that voice.

‘’What is it?’’ Your tone sounded anxious, were you afraid something was going to happen to him? Could it be that you cared that much?

Without a word he shushed you.

‘’It’s all right, go back to sleep.’’ He said moments later, a pain in his chest since he couldn’t tell you that actually yes, there was something on his mind.

‘’You know, you have to tell people how you feel, remember?’ You spoke so wisely, even after an interrupted slumber and he couldn't help but smile.

‘’I know baby, goodnight.’’ He said as you sighed and turned around.

For Tenko could not tell you that nothing compared to this, nothing like doing nothing with you and to admit this to himself was a big liability. He would tell you eventually, maybe he’d write it down, he found it easier, but on that day he chose to wrap his arms around you again, risking numbness, than to speak the words.

#shigaraki x reader #tenko shimura x reader #shigaraki fluff #mha x reader #this was such a cute idea omg omg #he needs a good hug tbh #el.drabbles

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sparklecarehospital · 10 months ago

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an anecdote about my recent art

i figured i'd make a post about this, just cuz i know people have probably noticed it. this isn't in response to anything anyone said, i don't know if anyone is actually talking about this or not, it's more just me talking because i feel like sharing this with you guys.

i'm sure you've noticed that suddenly i'm making an influx of main comic art. for a long time, months and months, i had really struggled with being able to fixate on my characters in their natural state as opposed to the various AUs i've been working on.

that's not to say i "abandoned" the main comic, but it's more that i wasn't really drawing it for fun anymore. i still worked on pages, v4 is finished being drawn and v5 is in the works, but it became more of a work-only thing and my personal art almost never focused on the main comic versions of my OCs.

the reasons for this are... complicated. some of it was emotional, some of it was trauma that i'd rather not go into detail about, but for lack of better words i just wasn't as comforted or engaged as i was when drawing AU stuff. cometcare is the most important thing in my life and it always will be, and i guess i just was going through a period where i needed that comfort more than anything. my life has been hard lately for lots of reasons, and they make me feel safe and better.

this also meant i wasn't attached to the main comic as much anymore, as i wasn't drawing it for fun. but i want to change that. i want to be able to re-attach to my OCs the way they started and as they really are because that's what matters most in the grand scheme of things. i'll always have my silly AUs, but i don't want my emotional state or current trauma or horrors i'm experiencing to make me incapable of loving my OCs the way they actually are.

thank you guys for being patient with me as i go through this, i know it's probably made some people sad that i distanced the way i did and i'm really sorry. last night i realized how sad it made me too. i want to make it better. i'm not giving up on the AUs, i'll still make updates and art for them, it's not that, but i'm not going to make it the only thing i ever focus on anymore.

i love you guys. thank you for supporting me and my art and stories, regardless of what it is, it means more than you'll ever know

#text #sparklecare #putting this is the tag because i want Everyone to see this

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mercurianchild · 11 months ago

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hey beautiful,

could you make a post about Venus in 8th house? You’ve mentioned you have this placement and I do too! Thank you very much for your time. 🩷

🖤Venus in the 8th house🖤

TW: mentions of death and s*x

The most common thing I have seen is that this placement (along with scorpio Venus and Venus-Pluto aspects) is s*xualised and glamorised a lot. While it is true, that this placement gives an alluring and interesting aura, it’s not just that. Venus 8th house people have to offer so much more!

A lot of my friends and family members share this placement and we all share one thing: the ability to love so deeply that it hurts. This ability can also turn toxic or even turn into obsession if this placement is underdeveloped.

A lot of 8th housers also stay with people for longer than they should. Most of the times they have outgrown some situations or people, but they refuse to let go because of the feelings they feel. I’ve also been trough that many times. In hope that the spark will come back or that the people involved would change.

A common thing I’ve seen is that it is really hard to let go of people they love. I’ve seen this in friends AND family members that they just can’t let go of certain people where love was involved. For me, it’s still that one guy who I haven’t talked to for 5 months now. In the end, he hurt me. But he showed me what it’s like to be loved. I am still not over him and I know it will take some work to let go of him. With him, I experienced what I envisioned as love between two beings.

Venus in 8th house people are (like other 8th house placements) able to read people like a book. The gut feeling about others is never wrong. Intuition is high.

Could be more into trying extreme and intense things in bed like bdsm or playing with knives. 🔪💀⛓️

Very much into occultism and practising it. All my 8th house friends, for example, are in coven or practices witchcraft. Very into herbs and Hollis tub healing methods.

Which leads to the point that people with this placement are natural healers (if developed).

Natural understanding for psychology. Like really!!! Not just theoretical, but also being able to apply it in real life!

Constantly going through death and rebirth moments in life. A lot of ego deaths will happen.

On the other hand, this placement can bring a lot of hate and resentment from women (no matter if the individual is male or female). A lot of jealousy from other woman which makes it hard to find out who will stab you in the back when you’re not around. This can also lead to trust issues in friendships!

Feeling emotions so intense that it may be difficult to word them. Something that helped me was to find a creative way to let them out. Writing, painting or creating music are wonderful activities.

Red and darker colours look wonderful on these individuals (yes, this can vary depending on the rest of the chart and genetics)

Underdeveloped Venus in 8th house can make someone prone to be a pick me or a real meanie.

Either these individuals had some point of being bullied in teen years or them bullying others.

Constant feelings of so much depth. Whenever I’m around other 8th housers I feel so understood. It’s like a warm hug. We just know what you’re feeling.

I said it before, but the ability to heal… just by being there. Just the presence of these individuals is so intoxicating and loving!

Tend to have very dark humour and make jokes about inappropriate things.

Knack for taboo topics. No fear in discussing them.

Love to keep things private or even a secret. Like being involved in affairs just for the sake of it being a secret thing. I feel like some may enjoy something like that just for the thrill of it.

A lot of secret admirers!!

Can have issues with s*xuality and some may not be s*xually active until their late teen years or early adulthood. From what I’ve seen in friends, read online or even experiences myself, there can be also some unconscious trauma relating to one’s s*xuality.

Last but not least: these individuals are hard to forget, as they carry so much depth, magic and power… once they recognise their potential, it’s over for all them bitches trying to put them down!!

#astrology #astro notes #astro observations #zodiac #astrology community #astro placements #8th house #venus #venus 8th house #Scorpio Venus #Venus-pluto

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hmsdoodlin · 29 days ago

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Reassuring the Moon

Heart and Soul, platonic fluff, 791 words.

—————————————————————

Soul peeked his head into Hearts room, eyes adjusting to the darkness inside as he carefully stepped in and closed the door behind him.

It was almost pitch black in here, the only light being the soft moon and star fairy lights that gave off a weak, but comforting glow throughout the room. Heart was light sensitive, extremely so, but Soul couldn’t help but notice the way he gravitated towards softer, gentler lights such as nightlights and candles.

In cacophony the man would shroud himself in darkness, but in concord he began to welcome the warmth of the sun and its illuminating glow. Soul was thankful for the fact Heart was able to heal over that particular trauma, but also so he could finally see anytime he entered his bedroom.

Soul stepped over to Hearts bed, navigating the organized chaos beneath him. To Heart there were intricate, well known paths between scattered clothes, to Soul it was a minefield. His bed was messy, covered with multiple pillows and blankets with a large suspiciously human shaped lump sat under the covers. The stars sat next to it, pretending not to hear the stifled sniffles that escaped its barrier.

“{It’s me. You can come out.}” Was all Soul said, hoping that Heart was in a talking mood today. Now that they had reached harmony his ‘tantrums’ were few and far between, but it never hurt to be wary.

A head peeked out from the blanket, messy hair going in all directions as he turned to face Soul. He only sniffed in response, obviously trying to stop his crying. He seemed conflicted, doing his best to stop the trembling of his lips.

Soul sighed, leaning in to touch their shoulders together. Heart stiffened, but did nothing to move away.

“{Alright. Tell me what happened.}”

His voice was as gentle as he could muster, trained to handle even the worst of situations. He was well accustomed to these little meetings, and knew exactly how to coax his heart out of his shell.

Heart sighed, pressing back against Souls weight as if to ground himself.

“(Nothing in particular. It’s just, one of those days.)” He mumbled, wiping away the evidence of his tear stained face.

They all had these moments, still struggling with their thoughts even after their happily ever after. Soul hummed in acknowledgment, taking his words as the truth. They trusted each other now, Heart didn’t hide his deepest feelings as much as he used to anymore. If it were serious he’d say it, and Soul was content helping either way.

As if on cue Heart practically fell into Souls lap, lifting his legs over Souls and looping two strong arms around his neck. The stars welcomed the contact happily, cradling the warmth against him.

Heart hooked his chin over Souls shoulder, practically nuzzling into his hair.

“(I guess I’m a bit scared.)”

Soul instinctively hugged him closer, a bit taken aback by the confession.

“{Scared? What in the world could you be scared about my moon?}”

Heart huffed, seemingly apprehensive to share. The stars brought a hand to Hearts back, gently soothing circles into the skin and hoping the nickname eased his tension.

{It’s ok, I’ve got you} it says.

“(I’m scared that everything is going to end soon. That this is too good to be true.)”

Soul bit his lip, hundreds of loops flashing behind his eyes. It always ended eventually, harmony never lasted long. He took a breath, careful not to let his nerves show. Heart was right, in the grand scheme of things this was most likely a small blip in time.

Heart stayed silent in his arms, the stars having to forcibly bring himself back to reality by leaning into the warmth against him.

“{It might.}” He admitted, long done with lying to his halves. “{But that doesn’t mean what we’re experiencing now doesn’t matter. It brings us closer to true harmony in the end.}”

Soul had been trying to be positive lately, relishing in the little things before they were taken from him. They were far from perfection, but it was nice to pretend for a while. It was either that or being driven mad from failure, Soul took a page out of Hearts book to start living in the moment. Maybe that’s why concord this time around was lasting longer than usual, despite the persistent underlying feeling of dread.

He felt Heart smile beside him, allowing himself to calm completely. He pulled back to face Soul, imagining his weary face before him.

“(When did you get so sappy?)” he asked, freely allowing Soul to put a hand to his cheek. He leaned into it with a content hum.

“{The moment I finally started listening to you guys.}”

#doodle writing #chonnys charming chaos compendium #cj heart #cj soul #please don’t tag as ship #Let me know if you want me to share more of my writings!#Be forewarned though this is the fluffiest one I have at the moment #I usually write angst 💀#they are very touchy #cccc #chonny jash #cccc heart #cccc soul #platonic fluff #fluff

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faynthearted · 3 months ago

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is this a safe space? because I need to have a (positive) rant but I might seem a bit unhinged in the process

but please, for the love of god, if you're a tianshan and/or He brothers fan and you're dying from the lack of 19 days content lately, let me put you on to something.

I've been trying not to talk about it because this show is a guilty (and nostalgic) pleasure of mine, but for the last week or two I've been obsessively rewatching teenage mutant ninja turtles (2012)

HEAR ME OUT. 🫵🏼

it's a nickelodeon show, yes, I know, but please. hear me out before you make a face, lol!

tmnt is one of those shows that had an established fanbase before its release so not only is the quality of the animation excellent, but the voice actors and writers do such an amazing job. the plot is well-planned and intentional, the show gets notably better as it goes on because of its growing success with its audience (it gets very obvious budget increases for each season lol), and the relationships. oh my god the characters' relationships. they're so top tier.

if you know me from my tianshan fics, you know that I'm obsessed with strained, resentful, angsty relationships that slowly improve as the characters learn to trust each other while experiencing strife and mutual trauma. it's practically the foundation of tianshan, and it's also the definition of the brother-brother relationship between raphael and leonardo in tmnt. and it's so fucking delicious every single time.

I don't want to spoil too much in case anyone actually reads this post and decides to watch tmnt for the first time, but basically at the beginning of the show (and in all other adaptations of tmnt, as far as I'm aware) raphael resents the fact that leonardo is made the leader of their team. they butt heads all the time, they can never agree, raph is a stubborn/reckless hothead and leo is (occasionally) an insufferable, self-righteous golden child in their family. they’re literally red vs blue — their dynamic could not be more oppositional.

but at the same time, they're each other's right-hand man??? it's complicated. as the two oldest(?) siblings in the family (as well as the most skilled siblings), they kinda need each other and they hate that they do — at least raph does. and for a while, their relationship goes up and down over and over again until bam — ✨trauma✨. and I won't spoil what the trauma is. but it's so fucking delicious. the cinematography and voice acting of certain scenes in the season finales keep me up at night

for a nickelodeon show, I'm impressed by the depth of the plot and characters. it's very reminiscent of the complexity of atla's plot and characters. and yes, I've only mentioned raph & leo's relationship so far, but that's only because I tend to hyperfixate on two characters in every fandom I'm in, lol. but all the characters are so meaningful and the brothers' relationships with each other make me want to slam my head against concrete because it makes me feel so much. especially raphael and michelangelo's relationship, too. iykyk.

the show is so silly but also so angsty and also so stupid but also so sincere. the vibes really do remind me of 19 days in so many ways. the boys in tmnt are 15 years old, much like the boys in 19 days. michaelangelo is basically jian yi and raphael is basically guan shan. leonardo is kinda like zheng xi, if zheng xi was more assertive and expressive. but no one's like he tian, lol. sorry. he's a beast of his own. (unless, maybe, another character named karai is comparable to him? you tell me).

anyway. whatever the voice actors, writers, and animators were getting paid throughout the show's production wasn't fucking enough. there was clearly so much heart put into the show because tmnt has been a beloved franchise for a long time and nickelodeon was not messing around when they decided to take it on.

another bonus point is that the episodes are only 20ish minutes long, there are 20+ episodes in every season, there are 5 seasons, and the show is completed. you won't be left on a cliff hanger. you can binge to your heart's content like I've been doing. and usually the season finale episodes are longer than the normal ones (they're split into two parts), which always means shit goes down. god it's so fantastic.

if you decide to watch tmnt and know nothing about it, I recommend you do not seek out spoilers. because there are many spoilers and plot twists. push through the cringe and silly moments (much like we sometimes have to do with 19 days lol) and eventually you'll get to the heart of the characters/plot. and my god, it's so worth it!

tmnt was the first fandom I ever wrote fanfic for, over a decade ago. I was watching it as episodes were being actively released on a weekly basis. and it's been so long since I've touched the tmnt fandom, so it feels like I'm watching the show for the first time again. I only have vague memories of significant plot points/scenes, so it's been such a ride to slowly remember how everything plays out. and I'm kicking myself for not rewatching tmnt sooner, because I clearly forgot how special it was to me at a certain point in my life!

the show is so feel-good and relaxing (but it does have its stressful moments, don't get me wrong). if you've got time to spare, give it a shot and let me know what you think! I'm only at the beginning of season 3, so I'm still working through the episodes myself! :)

if you want to know where you can watch it for free, DM me! <3

#19 days #fay talks #this is such a long post but PLEASE i promise it's worth it #the show is basically like the vibes of 19 days but in animation form #idk I think some people in the 19 days fandom would enjoy it!

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seramilla · 2 months ago

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So human au before they moved in with Carmilla whenever Emily had a nightmare or was feeling bad Sera let her sleep with her and cuddle up with her it always made Emily feel better to cuddle up with her sister and just be held she suspected that it also made Sera feel better. Whenever Sera seemed upset or overly stressed Emily would offer but Sera always said no trying to deny that things were worse than normal. Eventually Emily started pretending to have nightmares whenever she thought Sera was overly stressed or upset so far she hasn't caught on but is worried that her concerns are scaring Emily and affecting her.

Sera will be the first to admit -- despite Emily being the most easy-going child a guardian could ask for, raising her hadn't always been sugar and rainbows. Adjusting to life as a working adult had been quite a jarring experience to the young college dropout. Being a parent responsible for another entire human life, well... that had been something else entirely.

Daytime was easier, in retrospect. She would drop Emily off at daycare at the ass crack of dawn, put in her 8 hours at the office, and then leave in the late afternoon to pick her sister up and take her home. Emily was always a delight for her teachers -- she never fussed at mealtimes, always played nice with the other children, and went down for a nap like the sandman himself had knocked her out cold.

She was happy as could be on the ride home, and during dinner, and in the few hours that Sera got to play with her before bed. The sisters would go on many fantastical adventures with what dolls and toys Sera could afford. Emily would giggle like a maniac, ask Sera for "uppies!" when the young girl was feeling needy, and ultimately fall asleep in her arms after a bedtime story.

Daytime and its waning hours were easier. It was nighttime that often proved troublesome. Not that she blamed Emily in the least. Not after what her little sister had been through.

It didn't happen every night. Not even most nights. But once or twice a week, usually at ungodly hours of the morning, when the world was dead and every other living thing was sound asleep, Sera would be awoken suddenly by a cry somewhere in the apartment.

Back when she'd slept in the living room, because she'd given the bedroom to Emily...sounds of sobbing and abject fear would get closer and closer to her from down the hallway. Tiny footfalls would draw nearer, ever and ever faster, until a tiny body would be trying desperately to climb onto the futon next to her. Little grasping hands would grip her face, and hot breaths would brush against her cheeks, screaming her name.

"Sera! Sera! Up! Want up!"

The first few times it happened, Sera had been terrified, worried her sister was in physical pain. That she'd somehow hurt herself wandering around at night, or got into something she shouldn't. After the next few times it happened, she learned to stop panicking. It didn't help Emily, and only got her even more worked up.

After Sera learned what those tiny hands felt like on her face, and how the weight of the futon would dip whenever her sister wanted "up!", the older woman would reach out for Emily in the dark, and pull her up onto the thin mattress, drawing her close into her arms.

"Ssshh! Ssshh! Emi, my love, you'll wake the neighbors. It's okay. You're all right. Tell me what happened?"

"Monster! The monster! It crash! I scared!"

Sera learned early on that even though Emily was too young to understand exactly what happened to her that night, Emily still had vivid dreams of the moment their parents died. She can't imagine what that felt like...being such a tiny, helpless person, strapped into a car seat, experiencing such a violent event. Then having to be dragged out of a car by the jaws of life, and handed off to complete strangers she'd never met before, with the flashing lights of ambulances and screams of police sirens all around...

Fuck, even an adult would have lingering trauma after surviving something like that. Let alone a baby. Sera is astonished Emily can even function as well as she does, all things considered.

But these late-night episodes...even though they ring with the echoes of past trauma...these moments were just for them. If Sera had been completely honest with herself, they were reminders that she was needed. That Emily loved her, specifically sought her out for warmth and comfort, and trusted her to soothe the pain and fear away.

Sera got used to having Emily beside her at night. They'd fall asleep, and awaken to a world that was much more beautiful and bright than the things that lingered in the dark, that were waiting to snatch up little girls without warning. At some point, it became a sort of comfort for Sera, knowing that Emily would be there when she woke up, all snotty-nosed and drooling on their shared pillow. She'd have to drag them both out of bed, and get ready for the day, but it was well worth it.

So when time happened, and Sera eventually got them an apartment with their own rooms, Emily grew out of her incessant night terrors. She was getting older. She was growing up, and starting school, as children are wont to do. More often than not, she stayed in her own bed at night. All night.

Sera began to feel... against her own will and better judgement... utterly and selfishly begrieved.

Sera's world was getting more complicated. Her job was more demanding, the bills were piling up, and she didn't make enough to cover them. While she was still relatively trapped in the same old cycle for years on end, Emily herself was changing. Every day, her little sister was evolving, and coming into her own. Even though she knew it was completely unwarranted, and entirely foolish to feel this way about a child...Sera couldn't help but feel her sister slowly but surely pulling away.

Not physically or emotionally. Just in the way she interacted with the world, and the way her independence kicked into full throttle by the time she was 7 years old.

Emily was leaving Sera behind. And even though Emily would never admit it to her big sister, the introspective, empathetic little girl understood far more than Sera gave her credit for.

She sensed the stress that Sera was going through. Felt it in the way Sera worked longer hours, and forced herself to talk to her after school. The way she could barely stay awake long enough to help Emily with her homework. Every time Emily would ask Sera, "Are you okay?", Sera would just give her a feigned, forced smile, and pretend everything was fine.

"I'm okay, Emi," Sera would say, despite the clear weight of the bags under her eyes, and the pallor of her skin in the unnatural light of the kitchen. It was obvious Sera wasn't okay, but Emily trusted her sister implicitly. Sera took care of her. Provided for her. Her big sister always encouraged her to tell her when something was wrong. To always ask for help when she needed it. She would never lie to Emily about something like this.

Would she?

Emily didn't mean to deceive Sera. Not really. It wasn't really lying when it was a half-truth. In the way that logic worked in the mind of a 7-year-old, Emily reminded herself that lots of kids she knew threw tantrums, or faked being sick, or worse. This was nothing, compared to all that.

Right?

One evening -- the night before Emily knew her sister would be interviewing for a big, important job in the city the next day -- she managed to stay awake until she heard Sera settle herself into bed. Emily waited another 30 minutes or so after that, to not make it obvious. She stayed awake as long as she could, until the weight of her own eyelids threatened to force her asleep before she could execute her plan.

With her last burst of energy, Emily forced a convincing wail out of her mouth. It came naturally, after a few minutes. She still remembered what the dreams felt like, and drew upon those memories. It wasn't hard. They didn't haunt her as much anymore, but they were still there, sitting behind her brain, ready to fuel the performance of the century.

She didn't wait too long after that to go to Sera; she was afraid she wouldn't be convincing, if Sera had to get up to check on her. She rushed into Sera's room, not bothering with the light, and crawled into bed beside her sister. Sera's new bed was much smaller than the futon had been, but there was still more than enough room for her to crawl under the covers and cuddle up next to her. Like when she was little.

"Sera, wake up! Please! I had the dream again!"

Sera seemed genuinely shocked, when her sister suddenly manifested in the bed beside her. Not having been forced out of a dead sleep for close to a year at that point, it genuinely took her several seconds to comprehend what was happening. Emily was smashed up right next to her face, hot tears pouring down her cheeks, like they hadn't in such a long time...

Sera's arms shot out and gripped her tightly, almost before her brain finished catching up with what was happening. Emily continued sobbing into her shoulder, and Sera's hind brain took control, like an instinct. In her half-asleep stupor, Sera didn't even have to think before starting to comfort the little girl.

"Oh, oh, my Emi! It was just a dream, darling. I'm here. Come here."

Sera scooted back in the bed, up against the wall, so Emily had plenty of room on the mattress. She'd traded that old futon for a new twin bed some time ago. But Emily was still small enough to fit in there with her, and honestly, with even tighter quarters, it just meant the girl cuddled up even closer to her than usual.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" Sera asked, yawning, and stroking Emily's cheeks. She was doing a terrible job of hiding how tired she truly was; fighting against the dirty beast that was the need for sleep, to be there for her little sister once again.

"...No," Emily said, bluntly. She was exhausted, too, and didn't want to have to pretend to be in distress any more than she already was. "Just hold me, Sera. Please."

"Okay..."

Sera held Emily close to her, for the rest of the night, until the incessant blaring of her phone alarm went off the next morning. Upon waking to the fresh hell that was her daily routine, Sera was pleasantly surprised to feel more rested than she had in a long while. Thank heaven for that, she'd thought. She was going to need all the extra energy she could spare that day.

As she and Emily prepared to leave, piled into the car, and headed toward Emily's school, the smile on Sera's face was a touch more genuine than it had been lately. As they pulled up to that big, fancy building that Emily called her school, Emily opened her door to get out, but Sera held on to the child's arm, pausing her departure for just a moment longer.

Sera smiled and pulled her sister closer, to land a perfectly aimed, maternal sort of kiss directly to her cheek. All lips, with an exaggerated "mwah!" at the end of it. Emily blushed profusely.

"Sera, stoooop!" Emily whined. "Not in front of my friends!"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Sera insisted, laughing. "I just love you so much."

Emily wiped the invisible essence of her older sister off her cheek with defiance. She closed the car door, and hoisted her heavy backpack further up her shoulder. For some reason, the girl insisted on taking all of her workbooks home after school every night, to absolutely make sure she got all her homework done. For better or worse, she really was learning to be as dedicated to academics as her sister.

Before Emily could walk away, Sera beamed at her. She blew her another kiss, and despite herself, Emly grinned and blew one back.

"I love you, Em!" Sera said. "Things will be better soon. I just know it. I have a good feeling about today!"

Emily smiled, and waved at Sera as she put the car into drive. "I love you, too! Do your best!"

Sera watched and made sure Emily entered the school building safely before she pulled away. She had her interview first thing that morning that she had a really good feeling about.

She guessed she could be back to her regular office job by 10:00, if she played her cards right. She'd told her boss she had a dentist appointment that morning, and Sera was determined to stick to that story, whether she got this new job or not. What her boss didn't know, wouldn't hurt him.

#hazbin hotel #sera hazbin hotel #emily hazbin hotel #ask #anon #fan theories #seramilla #human au

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kitixie · 1 year ago

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Unknown / Nth (T.S.)

hey y’all! this is just a little one shot inspired by the new hozier song, unknown / nth. i highly highly recommend!!

word count: 1.2k

warnings: this is SAD. like, sad sad.

A marriage to Tommy Shelby was not for the faint of heart. He was a liar, a secret keeper, a killer. He was many things a man should not be. But God, did you love him. He hung your moon and stars, he was the rising and setting sun, and your world revolved around him. He was it for you, and you thought you were it for him too.

Until Grace.

Until Grace came along, and Tommy started staying out late, saying things that your Tommy never would have said to you. He became hateful, cold, and distant towards you. Instead of being the sun, he was now the darkness. The kind that swept in at night and stole all signs of happiness and joy, the kind that pillaged until you begged for a shred of the man you knew to come back. It’s funny how true colors shine in darkness.

By the time Tommy began to change, you were in deep. With him, with the Shelbys, with all of it. You and Tommy had experienced things that would bring most couples together. You had felt the loss of two children inside your womb, and Tommy had been there for all of it. You had felt the death of your father, yet he had stayed constant. You moved homes, you survived fights, you survived wars. You survived. Maybe that was the issue, you were just surviving. How long could you act like he wasn’t becoming someone you didn’t recognize? How long could you last, when every night he came home smelling like her, your heart cracked?

“Thomas?” You called, hearing the front door shut.

“Yeah, Y/N, ‘ts just me,” he responded blandly.

You could hear footsteps, but they sounded like they were stumbling. He was drunk, once again, which meant he would come into your shared room bearing the scent of Grace, once again.

You watched him as he footed his way through the bedroom door, tripping over things that weren’t there.

“Thomas, are you drunk? This is the third night this week, and it’s only Wednesday.”

“And what if I am, Y/N? Who cares?” He spat, narrowing his eyes at you.

“I care, Tommy. I care,” you let out in a whisper, a tear slipping from your eye.

You had set a rule for yourself when he first started going out. No crying in front of Thomas, especially not over things that Thomas did. If he saw you cry, he’d work his way in, feeding off your emotions like a succubus. You couldn’t let him do that, you had to keep him at an arms length, especially right now. Your heart ached for him, for its home inside of his hands. More than anything, you wanted to tear out the dreadful thing and hand over to him, let him fully destroy it. It had always belonged to him, ever since you were school children. The Tommy you had grown up knowing, the one you had dated since you were 16, the one you had married, was gone. He no longer existed, yet his body stood in front of you. It was cruel thing, to be married and chained to someone like that. To be bound by so much trauma and grief and love, yet to know they are not the same person who shared those feelings with you. To feel so close, yet be reminded that you are so far away by the cheap perfume and lipstick smeared on his shirt collar.

“What are you crying ‘bout, Y/N? You’ve nothin’ to be sad about.” He spoke, not having compassion, but annoyance.

A million feelings boiled in your chest. Anger, grief, passion, pride. But the one that was leading them all, the one that ruled every word about to come from your mouth, was love.

“I’m crying because I miss you, Tommy. I miss you, and you’re off doing God knows what with that bar keep, Grace. I can’t stand it, Tommy. To see her have what’s mine. Do you know what it feels like to be inside my body? Do you know I could break beneath the weight of the goodness and love I still carry for you?”, you screamed, letting the feelings flow like a free river, “I feel like I’ve been caged, Thomas. I feel like I’ve been banished to a room, only able to watch our lives through glass panes. I can’t touch you, I can’t hold you, I can barely speak to you. But I love you, God I love you Thomas. I wish you knew what it was like.”

You had stood from your seat on the bed, letting your hair fall around you as you sunk to the floor. Your hand cradled your face, drying your own tears. You had always been able to be alone, always being fine when Tommy had to go away for a while. But this time, you couldn’t tell if Tommy would ever come back, not really. He was totally different.

Tommy stared at you, a blank look on his face as he observed your crumpled form. Your shoulders shook, and you let heaving sobs fall from your mouth. Was it worth it to stay here? To let this love you had once known control everything you could ever know? How would the two of you fair this storm? How would you not only survive, but come out thriving? Was it worth the weight of carrying this burden, of knowing that Tommy was disloyal?

“I don’t know what to do, Love. I’m lost.” He finally spoke, his voice coming out a whisper.

“Tommy, I would cross the earth for you. I would walk so far to take the injury of knowing you. I just need you to reach out a hand for me. I would give you everything, and you know that, you have to know that.”

He had to know.

“I know, Y/N, I know. I’m sorry, Love, for how I’ve been acting.”

Tommy had agreed to some counseling after your breakdown, and not much had changed. He still came home smelling like her, kept staying out, just now he went on weekends and swore it was with his brothers. He kept trying to trick you, and he truly thought he was getting away with it.

Not anymore. Now, as you stood in your bedroom, stuffing clothing into a small suitcase, no tears were in your eyes. No feelings were in your heart except anger and betrayal. Once again, you heard the stumbling footsteps of Tommy Shelby. You had become used to the sounds by now, being able to accurately tell that it was him and where he was on the staircase.

He finally entered your room, a look of shock crossing his face.

“Y/N, what are ya doin’?” He slurred. Typical.

“I’m leaving, Thomas. I’m leaving Birmingham, and I’m leaving you.” You said, keeping a calm tone.

“No, ya aren’t. You’re my wife.” He grumbled, sharpening his words.

“Thomas, I don’t want to be your wife. I won’t lay with you while your with her.” You zipped the suitcase.

“What the ‘ell are ya talkin’ about! You don’t know anythin’!” He screamed, his face redding.

You kept calm. You had already had this fight in your head a thousand times.

“I am leaving, Thomas. I gave you my heart, and now I see it’s pieces stuck in your teeth. I am done.”

You gathered your suitcase, and left the home you had built together, finally finished with trying to know and understand Tommy Shelby. There are some people who are better unknown.

#thomas shelby x reader #thomas shelby x y/n #tommy shelby fic #tommy shelby imagine #tommy shelby x you #peaky blinder fanfic #thomas shelby #tommy shelby x reader #thomas shelby fic #tommy shelby #kitixiewrites

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lainiespicewrites · 1 year ago

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Someone to take her home

Hey guys so I wrote this a while ago! This is a Henry one shot it an OFC because I'll die on the self insert hill! LOL it gives me so much comfort. Is that weird IDK. Anyway this story is kind of heavy. I wrote this to get out some feelings about an SA that I had experienced. I've always been someone that if I'm stressed I rewrite the situation with a comforting outcome or a better outcome to release the stress or make myself feel better. I wanted to sort of write myself a way to get some comfort from the trauma. And I hope having a character like this sweet soft version of Henry may help some of you too. I never reached out for myself for help and maybe I should have but if you experienced something please talk to someone. If you need someone to talk to or just want a place to let it out my DM's are a safe space <3 Just as disclaimer this doesn't mention any of the actual situation that happened to me. Just a filler to get out the emotion. Still this is a fluff with lots of love and sweet gentle young Henry bc I just know in my soul this was and is how he is as a person!

Warnings: Light Cursing, Trauma, Mentions of sexual assault. (Please reach out for help even if it's just talking to someone about your situation. My DM's are open if y'all wanna talk after this <3)

Description: OFC goes to college party and meets Henry and they become fast friends. and he helps her when things turn bad with a guy he warned her about.

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I stared at myself in the mirror one more time. I needed to leave soon. If I looked any longer I would find something I hated and talk myself out of going. So I grabbed my bag and turned off my bedroom light. Nervous didn’t begin to describe how I was feeling. I’d never been to a party like this before. Sure I’d been out a few times in high school. But it was usually theater cast parties. And one time my friend and I stole some captain morgan from her parents liquor cabinet. But this was on an entirely different scale.

Most of my drinking was a night in with the girls with wine or movie night drinking games. God I sound so boring. It’s not that I don’t enjoy partying. I was genuinely excited to be invited out tonight. Lilly and I had worked together for a few assignments in class. And we would say hi when we ran into each other in the dorms. But, I never expected to get a text this afternoon inviting me to her boyfriend's party. Purdue was an incredibly large campus. Upwards of 40,000 plus students. Yet somehow Lilly’s boyfriend Riley Hardesty seemed to know everyone. He was known for throwing huge parties all year. They weren’t exclusive. You could just be driving through the neighborhood and stop in. But she told me a friend of Riley’s had asked her about me.

Matt Parker. I know of him. He’s in my English 204 lecture. But we’ve never talked. But he is really attractive. So maybe something good would come from all of this! I decided just to walk as my dorm wasn’t far from the house Riley and his roommates lived in. It was a cool night in mid october and I was definitely regretting the little black denim skirt I was wearing. I was smart enough to wear a cardigan but it was still cold. Thank God it's only 2 blocks down. I bit my lip nervously. Am I even going to know anyone here? Anyone I actually talk to? It’s too late now. I already got dressed and ready. I walked here. I have to go through with this.

I took a deep breath and walked inside. Things were already full swing. I could hear the music outside before I even opened the door. No one seemed to notice me and honestly I was okay with that. I looked around scanning the room. Almost everyone had a drink in hand, standing around in groups talking. The smell of pot hit me immediately as I started to walk through the house. I wasn’t the least bit surprised. I made my way to the kitchen where I found multiple drinks, alcohol and mixers available. I kept it simple and grabbed a wine cooler. Something fruity. I was definitely going to need a buzz if I was going to be here longer than 5 minutes.

I pushed my way out of the kitchen and found a quiet corner to drink and observe for a while. I was busy listening to some guys talk about last weekend's football game when I heard someone’s voice. And I realized they were talking to me. I shifted my eyes seeing a guy standing next to me. He was maybe 6’1, blue eyes, and brown hair with soft curls. I gave him a gentle smile,

“I’m sorry, what was that?” I asked. He smiled and chuckled softly. His smile was beautiful.

“I uh, Just noticed your shirt. Are you a Def Leppard fan?” He asked. I looked down. I completely forgot that was the shirt I was wearing. I just thought a band t-shirt would look cute with the skirt. But

“Yeah! Well I know a few of their songs! My Mom was in her 20’s in the 80’s and she loved them!” I said.

“She has good taste! They’re awesome! Are you here by yourself? Not trying to be creepy I just noticed you were by yourself over here and I wanted to make sure you were alright,” He rambled. I nodded.

“I look that out of place huh? Yeah, I um. I’m friends with Riley’s girlfriend. Well not friends necessarily. But I know her. Anyway she invited me because of some friend of Riley’s but I don’t know this isn’t normally my scene. Wow that was a lot,” I blushed. “Sorry,” I mumbled.

“For?” He smiled, raising an eyebrow. “We’re talking. I like getting to know people! And I totally get it. This can kind of be a lot sometimes. I actually came with some friends but I needed to step away from all the crazy for a second. I’m Henry by the way.” He smiled, extending his hand. I took it and He squeezed mine softly.

“Alayna!” I said.

“It’s nice to meet you!” He smiled. “Which one of Riley’s friends? If you don't mind me asking,” He raised an eyebrow.

“Matt Parker,” I said bluntly. “You know him,” Henry took a sip of his beer and nodded.

“I do, He’s alright. We’re sort of friends I suppose. He may have good intentions. Listen, I know you don’t need my advice, but just be careful around him. I don’t know what you were expecting with him or hoping for. But he can be a little, well, if I had a daughter I wouldn’t trust him with her. But I could be wrong. I’m sorry, that was a bit much. I don't want to ruin your evening,” He said.

“For?” I smirked copying his face from earlier. “You seem to have pure intentions. Just looking out for someone. That’s really kind of you actually. I honestly don't know what I was expecting. But I can handle myself. I didn’t really come out tonight for him. I wanted to actually let loose and have fun for once. I’ve been trying to have more adventures, meet new people, make new friends.” I smiled looking him in the eyes on that last part. He gave me a big smile and held out his beer bottle to cheers me.

“To new friends,” He spoke and we clinked our bottles together. “I like you, I mean talking to you.” He said.

“I like talking to you too! I was honestly super anxious about coming tonight. I was worried I’d be too anxious and awkward to have fun or it would be too much. Because this is a lot. I’m 100% sure I saw someone do coke off the kitchen counter. But I’m actually enjoying myself. Right now anyway.” I laughed. Henry chuckled.

“Good! Well, I’m going to go find my friends but, what's your number? I’ll send you a text real quick and if you get overwhelmed or uncomfortable or need to escape all of this for a bit come find me! Or text me. I’d be happy to be there for you. And we can just chill out for a while.” I smiled and gave him my phone number. It was nice to meet someone as kind as Henry. You don’t meet a lot of people that… genuine and gentlemanly in places like this. He gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze before he walked off to find his friends. I wandered off to get another drink while I was standing in the kitchen waiting to grab another wine cooler. I felt someone lay their arm across my shoulder.

“Hey gorgeous,” I recognized Matt’s voice. I gave him a soft smile.

“Hi,” I spoke.

“I’m glad you came tonight, You having a good time,” He asked, clearly buzzed.

“Yeah,” I said tentatively “One hell of a party!” I laughed.

“For sure!” He smiled and moved to the side of me taking his arm off my shoulder. “What are you drinking babe?” He asked.

“Just Mike's lemonade.” I chuckled awkwardly.

“Aw come on girl you can do something stronger than that huh?” He joked. I shook my head.

“I probably could but I’d rather not get sick.” I said.

“Aw well come on at least do a shot with me?” He asked, giving me a puppy dog face and pouting. “Just tequila, we got training wheels!” He added.

“I don’t know… I don’t wanna get too crazy,” I said.

“Nah, it’ll be alright, it’ll just loosen you up a bit!” He spoke already pouring the shots. He slid one over to me. And a piece of lime. “Ready?” I picked up the shot and stared at it questioningly.

“Alright,” He smiled. We clicked the glasses and hit them against the table before taking the shot. It was super bitter. I immediately followed it with the lime. But it didn’t help much. When I looked up again Matt had gotten me another Mike’s from the cooler.

“Atta girl!” He smirked. He took a step closer and I took the drink from him. Then I heard someone call his name from across the house. They were starting another game of beer pong. “That’s my que babe, but wait for me yeah? I’ll come back to you after this game!” He smirked and left a wet kiss on my cheek before running off to join the boys.

Charming is certainly not a word I would use to describe him. But he’s nice. And he’s just trying to make sure I have fun. There’s no harm in that. I wandered around the party again. I opened up my new bottle and tossed the cap on a nearby coffee table. I thought about watching the beer pong game but I honestly wasn’t interested. I found the door leading to the backyard and saw there was a bonfire going. I stepped outside and found an empty seat by the fire. I watched it crackle for a bit and took a long sip of my drink. I felt a warmth inside me and knew it was coming from the alcohol. I started to relax as I listened to the fire and the white noise of the people chatting around me. It was a gorgeous night.

“Hey!” I heard a voice from behind me. “Funny meeting you out here!” Henry spoke, pulling up a chair next to me.

“Hey!” I said excitedly. “It’s calm out here. I like it!” I said. Henry smiled.

“I do too, I love a good fire. Fuels the soul.” He half joked.

“ I love the smell! Is that weird?” I laughed.

“No,” He chuckled softly “Not at all! So, besides the band on that very cool shirt, What other music do you like?” Henry asked, leaning back in his chair and taking a long swig of his beer.

“Oh all kinds. I’m a big lover of the stuff from the 70s though! Elton John, Heart, the Beatles, I guess they’re technically 60’s. I know it’s kind of old school but. I feel like they just don’t make music like that anymore.” I explained.

“Classic! I like it,” He smiled.

“What about you?” I asked.

“Oh I’m all over the place too. I’m actually a big country fan!” He smirked.

“I wouldn’t have expected that from you but I respect it. It’s not my favorite genre but there are definitely some good ones there!” I smiled. Henry and I chatted for a while. We talked about our majors. He's a history major. Where we’re from, he has an accent but I didn’t want to ask and be weird about it. He told me he’s from the UK. We talked about books, history and our friends. It was nice. A little while later I felt an arm around my shoulder again. I knew it was Matt.

“There she is! Did you think I forgot about you babe?” He asked.

“No,” I smiled blushing softly. He smiled.

“Hey Henry! Are you having a good time, man?” He asked. Henry nodded and finished his beer.

“Yeah! Actually I should go get another one. It was nice talking to you Alayna!” He smiled at me before he got up and left. I don’t know why but I could tell Henry wasn’t the biggest fan of Matt. He said they were friends earlier but I think he was just trying to be nice

I was shaken from the thought when I heard Matt’s voice again.

“Hey, follow me!” He said enthusiastically.

“Okay,” I smiled. I got up and followed him back inside. He led us upstairs and down the hall to what I assume was his room.

“Too many people out there, I wanted to be alone with you,” He smiled.

“That’s really sweet! It is pretty crowded.” I said.

“Yeah,” He said blankly. “Are you enjoying the party?” He asked.

“I am,” I said half telling the truth. I enjoyed talking to Henry.

“God you’re so gorgeous,” He said. “I always want to talk to you in class but you always leave so quickly I never get the chance.” He said.

“Thank you,” I blushed.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked. I don’t know if I wanted it or if it was the alcohol but I nodded. He smirked and leaned in kissing me on the lips. It was gentle at first but then he quickly started using tongue. I felt kind of awkward. So I backed away. “Oh sorry, you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I lied. He just nodded and went back to kissing me. I kissed him back a bit but then I felt him start to feel me up. I froze. I really didn’t want that. He moved his hand under my shirt and I stopped him.

“Uh Matt, I really don’t know about this.” I said nervously. He pulled back

“It’s fine, nobody's gonna come in, don't worry about it.” He said and started kissing my neck. Oh god this sucks.

“No I mean. I don’t… want to do this.” I stuttered.

“Come on, it’ll be fun babe, it’ll be alright.” He kept feeling me up and continued kissing me. I felt stuck. He pushed himself against me, grinding into me. He moaned. I swallowed hard. Fuck, I really didn’t want this.

“No, Matt, I really don’t want to.” I said again.

“Shhh just go with it.” he said, shushing me. “You’ll enjoy it, I promise.” He said, sliding his hand under my skirt and rubbing his fingers against me.

“No, stop Matt,” I said again, my voice quivering. He was definitely stronger than me. He used his other hand to take himself out of his shorts and he grabbed my hand putting it on him while he kept touching me, forcing his fingers inside. It hurt. I don’t know how but finally I found the strength to push him away from me. He stumbled back and fell against the bed and I ran out of the room. I could feel the tears stinging in my eyes already but I had to get out of this house. I quickly ran down the stairs and out the front door. Matt was pretty drunk so I don’t even think he tried to follow me. I walked a little way down the street and stopped letting out a sob. What the hell just happened. How did I let that happen? How could I have been stupid enough to trust him or follow him? I didn’t know what to do. I probably should have headed back to the dorm but I didn’t want to be alone right now. I took to my phone trying to think of who to talk to.

I saw I had a text. It was Henry. “Hey it’s me! Henry I mean lol feel free to text me anytime.” I sent him a quick text taking a deep breath and trying to pull myself together. I didn’t want him to see me like this. I was so stupid. He tried to warn me.

“Hey, it’s Alayna, where are you?” I sent it. To my surprise he responded almost immediately.

“By the fire, You okay?” it read.

“Would you wanna go on a walk with me?” I asked. There’s no way I could go back there.

“Sure :) where are you?”

“On the front sidewalk like 3 houses down toward campus.”

“Be right there!” true to his word about 2 minutes later I saw him walking down the sidewalk toward me.

“How are you?” He asked.

“Good,” I nodded absentmindedly.

“Were you leaving?” He asked.

I um,” I stuttered “Yeah, it was just… too much. I was gonna head home. I feel stupid I was just gonna walk home. I'll be fine, I’ll let you have fun. I don’t wanna interrupt your night.” I rambled.

“No! Please do! I’d be happy to walk you home. Talking with you was the most fun I had tonight actually.” He stated simply. I smiled weakly.

“I’m glad.” I said.

“Are you alright?” He asked me. I sighed trying not to get emotional.

“Yeah, just a little overwhelmed and tired.” I lied. We walked in silence for a bit. I couldn’t believe how kind he was. The fact that he would leave his friends to walk me home. He was genuinely concerned about me. That feeling made me even more overwhelmed and finally after everything I could help but start crying. I felt like I had no control over my body as I started to sob. I felt my shoulders start to shake. Henry stopped and put his hands on my shoulders.

“Alayna what's wrong?” He asked me. I tried so hard to speak.

“He wouldn’t.. And I said… no, but he kept…” it all came out in broken sobs. Henry didn’t say anything. He just pulled me into him and hugged me tightly. After a few seconds. I started to calm down and tried to steady my breathing.

“Shh it’s alright, just breathe.” I heard him say. I slowed my breathing. “Did he touch you?” He asked gently, trying not to upset me again. I couldn’t speak, I just nodded. Henry went stiff. I looked up and saw his jaw was clenched. “Mother fucker,” He mumbled quietly under his breath. Then he spoke louder “Do you want to go talk to someone? Like report it?” He asked. Again his voice was gentle. I shook my head.

“I can’t, I know I should but I really can’t, not now.” I said. He nodded.

“Okay, well let's get you home.” He said. I started to walk again. Henry kept an arm around me as we walked. We were quiet the whole way there. He walked me all the way to the door. Wanting to make sure I got in okay.

“Thank you,” I said. But just as he turned to leave I grabbed his hand. “Wait, please don’t go.” I said, trying not to sound desperate. Not that I had the energy to care.

“You want me to stay?” he asked. I nodded.

“Yeah, no, I .. I don’t .. You don’t have to, I’ll be okay.” I said.

“Hey,” He paused, grabbing my hand. “It’s okay, I don’t mind.” So I took off my shoes and slipped into the bathroom to change into some shorts. I laid in my bed and Henry sat next to me. “Do you want to watch something?” He asked. I nodded. And turned on my TV scrolling aimlessly. I stopped on some old 90’s sitcom.

“Thank you, for staying,” I said.

“You shouldn’t be alone right now. And I meant what I said. I had more fun talking to you tonight than with anyone else.” He smiled sympathetically.

“I did too,” I said. I sat up going to kiss him but he stopped me.

“Not tonight, darling. Believe me I would love to kiss you. But I think you’ll regret it later if you do this now. I like you. I’m not going anywhere. Let's take this slow. You’ve been through a lot tonight. I’ll still be here when you’re ready. But I think tonight you need to rest.” he said. The universe gave me Henry tonight. If I hadn’t ran into him. I’d have been alone after being sexually assaulted by a guy I barely know. Any other guy wouldn’t have treated me like him. He was so gentle and respectful. He was genuinely looking out for my best interest when he could’ve taken advantage of my vulnerability. I just nodded.

“I’m sorry that was stupid.” I sighed.

“No, it wasn’t” he put his arm around me pulling me into his side and I naturally rested my head on his chest. “You don’t need to apologize. Try to get some rest.” He spoke gently. I could hear his heartbeat and my breath slowed to match the rhythm. Eventually so did he. I looked up to find him asleep with his arm still around me. I settled in snuggling into his side. All the noise around me slowly faded away and I finally got to rest, falling asleep in Henry’s arms.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That’s it you guys please let me know what you think. I love you all so much! You’ve shown my writing so much love 🥰

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lightaflametoburnmethrough · 10 hours ago

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Suddenly dropping in with another lengthy post because I want to ramble about something before the year ends and it just so happens that I finished My Happy Marriage (私の幸せな結婚) recently which was so ✨GOOD✨

✨GOOD✨ as in the romance is actually well-written. It doesn’t just portray a couple in a way that revives your belief in love, it also gives respect to the characters within that relationship, too.

This is what advanced romance looks like, imo.

Not about the chase, not about the fluff, not about the angst, not about idealizations beyond our reach (although there are plenty of moments of those)…

It’s simply about a couple doing their best to navigate through a life they’ve chosen to spend together.

So warning for spoilers cuz no cut.

That’s right, no cut because it’s almost 2025 and we all have to raise and lock this in as an example to follow (cuz most people’s standards have been absolutely abysmal of late) 😤

The premise isn’t anything extraordinary. It’s very much like any Cinderella tale you’ve ever heard of where the heroine suffered abuse throughout her life at the hands of her toxic family. Then she meets Prince Charming, things change for the better, happily ever after happens, we pack up and go home.

Except it’s not quite like that for Miyo. Our heroine does not enter her engagement in a sparkling kimono with her beauty and virtue ready to dazzle her fiancé into falling head over heels in love with her. No, she comes into another house with the air of someone who has already been thoroughly defeated. So deeply broken by all the trauma she experienced growing up, Miyo has no hope for happiness despite the fact that she’s no longer living under the same roof as those who used to torment her every single day.

She is resigned to the thought that she can be disposed of at any time, even by her new husband-to-be, because she doesn’t have the bearing that a daughter of a reputable clan should have. Nor does she possess any Gift that noble families are looking for in a bride for the sake of continuing their bloodline (there is a supernatural element but it’s a narrative-supporting aspect, not the main focus).

Miyo has nothing but her old raggedy clothes, skills she acquired as a servant at her old home and mental scars that were never given the chance to heal.

She is no princess, no Cinderella or Ella. She is a pitiful pile of cinders, a poor young woman with nobody to rely on in this world.

And Kudou Kiyoka, her fiancé, is no Prince Charming either despite certainly having the looks of one.

Even for a military officer, he’s gained a reputation for being very strict, cold and harsh outside his job. However, before meeting Miyo, all his previous fiancées were only in it for the wealth and status attached to his family name so it’s no surprise why he’s so distrustful of Miyo at first.

But once he realizes that she’s not there to “poison” him, he quickly backpedals his initial behavior towards her. What’s remarkable is that he apologizes the very same day for his callous attitude rather than taking a long period of time to admit he was wrong because of some stupid pride.

And if that already tells you a lot about what kind of character he is, then what he does next for the remaining episodes will floor you.

Kiyoka soon deduces that there must be a reason why Miyo acts the way she does, why she has such crippling low self-esteem. He investigates her background and discovers how the Saimori family had been treating her this entire time ever since the death of her birth mother, causing him to feel anger on Miyo’s behalf. But he wisely chooses to keep that information to himself because he understands how much Miyo has been hurt already and doesn’t want to add more to her pain by revisiting her past.

He doesn’t force a confrontation from her. Instead, he does his best to help Miyo put distance away from anything related to her maiden clan. He buys her new clothes and accessories befitting of a person of her status, takes her out on dates when he has days off, tells her that she doesn’t have to constantly apologize for everything and encourages her to smile more.

Meanwhile, he confronts the Saimori family himself so that Miyo never has to. He lambasts her parents for their horrible abuse of Miyo and essentially cuts them off for it.

“You threw your own daughter away like trash, what right do you have to get any benefits from this marriage?”

Kiyoka wants everyone to know that Miyo is his fiancée now, that she is part of his family and he will do whatever it takes to protect her. Something her own blood relations should’ve done but failed to do.

But he also doesn’t leave without allowing room for possible amends. He demands that the Saimori family apologize to Miyo but he doesn’t use his powers or superior position to intimidate them into giving one because it would be meaningless if it wasn’t sincere.

All his words and actions are full of emotion for his fiancée but at the same time, they’re carefully thought out for what’s best for her sake as well.

Kiyoka wants justice for Miyo…but more than that, he wants her to heal and receive the happiness she deserves so he would never subject her to anything that could undermine that.

The way Kiyoka treats Miyo with such gentleness and understanding, gives great attention to her needs, doesn’t judge her for her circumstances and goes to many lengths to make sure she’s always in a safe environment, repeatedly reassuring her that she doesn’t have to be afraid anymore…

It fills my heart with…I want to say joy but I don’t think that word is enough to describe it.

I think there’s also an immense sense of relief and satisifaction mixed in as well. Because wow, FINALLY. An author who doesn’t only know how to write a good couple as a couple (and not a ship) but also knows how to properly address the topics of trauma and depression and not just mess with it before blowing it up for drama.

It shows through Kiyoka’s character and it’s exactly what makes him an effective love interest.

After all, when Miyo was thrust into this engagement, she was in no state to be a proper wife because the one who needed help and support was her.

And Kiyoka answered to that. He has a solid head on his shoulders, can balance his work and his home life and doesn’t dismiss feelings but doesn’t let them control him either. He is a person who is capable, who can be trusted to carry both their weights when his partner doesn’t have the strength to stand on her own.

“I know you’ve been through a lot but it’s okay now. I will take care of you so don’t hesitate to rely on me.”

And thanks to all his efforts, Miyo was able to become strong enough to escape the cage storehouse where her old, weak self was mentally trapped in.

Yea, her emotional scars will never fade because for a survivor, it’s impossible to forget those awful memories. She will still have her moments of doubts, fear and insecurities.

But the most important thing is that she knows she can overcome them now because she has someone she can fully trust by her side to help her get through them.

It’s amazing, watching Miyo transform from “I’m no good at anything so nothing matters” to “I want to improve, I want to get better” and believing she can.

She started taking lessons on how to be a lady because she wants to be a suitable match for her fiancé who’s done so much for her. She wants to be worthy of the love he’s shown her.

She learned to say “no” at the most pivotal moment because all her life, her evil stepmother and half-sister kept taking away the things that were important to her. But when they tried to force her to cancel her engagement to Kiyoka, she adamantly refused because the joy, comfort and security she found with him is too valuable to ever give up.

“I don’t want to lose this. I want to be his wife. I want to stay with him and be able to find happiness together.”

It’s no wonder Kiyoka is so taken with her, softened his heart and changed for her and will come running whenever he hears Miyo’s in trouble. He’s been through many engagements, each ending in failure because none of those marriage candidates wanted an actual marriage with him.

But Miyo…Miyo is genuine.

Just like how Kiyoka was willing to brush aside the ashes to reveal the beautiful her, Miyo melted through that icy exterior others only could see to cherish the real and incredibly warm him beyond it.

That’s why they work so great as a couple. They bring out the best in each other and their relationship is based on the people they respectively are, not the extras that come with.

Of course, even good couples are not immune to obstacles but during the one “fight” they had so far in the anime, you can tell that these two argue and get angry out of concern for each other.

Not because they’re not living up to expectations but because “I’m worried about you! Can’t you see that?”

For a pair who seem almost idyllic as them (it’s all the frequent flower imagery and yea I love it lol), communication is difficult as it is for anybody else. Miyo’s anxiety about needing to measure up resurfaced and Kiyoka misspoke, which made her cry and caused him to start having second thoughts if Miyo would truly be happy with him.

But none of that ever came close to ruining how they feel about each other. They still wanted to be together.

When Miyo’s maternal family came to claim her, Kiyoka loudly resisted giving up his fiancée (“Over my dead body, she’s my wife!”). Not even losing a duel and being forced to separate from Miyo could stop him from wanting to see her again so that he can try to reconcile her.

And whenever someone spoke badly of Kiyoka, trying to widen the rift that formed between them, Miyo would always be the first to defend him (“Don’t say that about my husband!”). The longer they were apart, the more she realized she had to return because she also didn’t want to be anywhere but with him.

Everybody who approached Kiyoka or Miyo wanted something out of them, whether it be Kiyoka’s high standing in society or Miyo’s suddenly emerging super rare power.

But for them, they just wanted each other.

“I chose you because only you can make me feel this way. No one else can take the special place I have for you in my heart.”

The reason why I call this “advanced romance” is because it’s a romance that explores the relationship after the couple get together.

Granted, it may not be considered normal from a modern perspective since it’s about an arranged marriage set in the Taishō era. But it still checks off a lot of the major points behind the idea of an established relationship, which is less common than narratives that emphasize the development before a pair of lovers become official.

Pre-relationship is fine and all, depending on what kind of story it is, but there’s a big difference in how both types present love. (Most? Some?) Pre-relationships make it seem like the hardest thing to do is confess and have your feelings reciprocated.

*shakes head* Uh-uh. Sorry, it ain’t. 🙂‍↔️

It’s keeping the relationship that is.

Because let’s be real here. Love is overrated.

It takes a lot of work and commitment for two people to stay together. Real love isn’t a shoujo fairytale where you’re set once the final chapter is done and sent to be published.

As a couple, you’re going to face so many challenges, some that will push you both to your limits where you might even consider breaking up. You will have fights, you will have disagreements because you are two separate individuals, after all. None of that “my better half” or “my (significant other) knows me better than I know myself” bullshit. You are two separate persons with your own respective personalities and ways of thinking, figuring out how to walk the same path together.

And even if you try your best not to get into any complications, life will laugh “aha, you thought, you dumb bitch” in your face and make things difficult for you anyway.

You’ll ask yourself repeatedly “Is this worth it? Am I making the right choice for us?” just like Miyo and Kiyoka did in episode 10.

The answer then is how much you’re willing to work for it.

To be honest, I don’t think there really is a right or wrong choice when you come to that crossroad because people aren’t omniscient so they have no way of knowing the absolute. They can only try their best to not let things end up in the worst state possible.

But if you love someone and treasure them as much as Miyo and Kiyoka love and cherish each other and want to be the best version of yourself that you can be when you’re with them…then it’s no longer an issue of being afraid of those hardships that come with the relationship.

You’d be afraid of the regret you’d feel when you look back and say “ah, I wish I stayed and tried”.

They (Miyo and Kiyoka 👆👆) are still trying. They’re so happy together but they are still doing whatever it takes to make it work between them and that’s what makes them a good couple.

Not ideal but good.

Good is doable, good is not impossible.

Good is what we need to be 👍

Alright, I’m done yapping but looking back through this post, I realized I also came a very far way from how I watched romance 20 years ago (lol my age is showing 😝).

And honestly, I’m happy for it. I’m glad that I grew older and matured a little and that my values evolved with time. I now understand why a lot of things in anime and manga no longer appeal to me (not as much as before, anyway) but on the other hand, I’ve gained a deeper appreciation for the series and characrers that I do manage to find resonance with.

My Happy Marriage is one of those.

So I highly recommend it if you’re looking for the same thing.

Second season is going to air in a week (January 6, don’t miss it 😉) so if you haven’t already, marathon the first season and the OVA.

That’s all, wishing everyone ✨GOOD✨ fortune ahead. See you in the new year! 👋😊

#yessss now that I’m done I can finally get back to my writing #I’m sorry my YunaAki babies I’m coming!! *runs* 😭#my happy marriage #watashi no shiawase na kekkon #saimori miyo #kudou kiyoka

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