#and i feel like everyone is mad and i hate how pathetic i am and aaaaah

[ponderingmoonlight]

And yet, you're here

Pairing: Geto x fem!reader

Word Count: 2,8k

Synopsis: Years after Suguru left, you're still not able to get him off your mind. When he reappears years after his betrayal, the past collides with the present. Unexpected, in a way you didn't even dare to dream about.

Warnings: this isn't proofread 100%, the emotional rollercoaster you deserve, hurt to comfort big time, this is for all my geto girlies who deserve their happy ending

please please please make this go viral thank you

„He’s a threat for the whole population!”

“We need to kill that brat before he kills all non-sorcerers.”

“I can’t believe someone like him was able to do something like…that.”

“So much wasted potential. Why does a special grade sorcerer act this way?”

“I thought he’s a nice boy.”

“So, you’re not one of those nice guys I guess.”

The sun already hung so low in the sky that you were barely able to see his soft features, let alone the surprised look that crept over his face while hearing those words coming from your mouth.

“Are you talking about me or Satoru?”

You let out one of those cute chuckles he adored so much, the kind he heard in his head on repeat even when you were long gone. Gosh, he couldn’t get enough of this. Those lonely nights with only you and a cigarette by his side, the countless hours he spent trying to understand you while it was his mind that slowly but surely fell apart.

“Nope, I’m always talking about you, Suguru.”

“What am I if not a nice guy, then?”

Sure, Satoru Gojo was his one and only best friend, but you were something else entirely: An unspoken bond that lived in the spaces between words, in glances that lingered just a moment too long. You weren’t a lover, not in the conventional sense, but you weren’t just a friend either. You were a mirror to his soul, the keeper of truths he couldn't bear to speak aloud, and the only person who could hold the weight of his silence without it breaking you both.

“You’re... complicated,” you finally replied, the word laced with warmth rather than judgment.

“You’re the kind of person who feels too much but hides it too well. The kind who would burn the world down if it meant saving the people you love. Not everyone understands that, but I do. Or at least I’m convinced I do.”

Suguru’s lips twitched into a faint smile, more melancholic than amused.

“Complicated, huh? That’s one way to put it.”

“And dangerous,” you added lightly, the hint of a smile in your voice.

“But not in the way they think. Not to me.”

His expression softened, the darkness in his eyes easing for just a moment as he stared at you.

“Not to you,” he echoed, as though testing the words on his tongue, letting them sink into the cracks of his fraying soul.

Till this day, that one last conversation both of you had on that lonely bench still haunts him. The way you looked at him back then, as if you’d already knew that you might never see him again, as if you just counted the hours until he goes berserk.

What are you thinking about him now?

Is he still on your mind?

Are you hating him the way Satoru does?

“You’re thinking about her again, don’t you?”

Fuck. He thought about you.

Again.

Suguru lets out a sharp exhale, the sound halfway between a sigh and a laugh, bitter enough to sting his own ears. How pathetic he has to look to the people surrounding him. When he walked down this path, he knew that he’ll have to do it without you, that he won’t be able to see you again. And yet…

Losing you seems to hurt more than anything else.

 “Of course I am,” he admits to his assistant, his voice low and rough like gravel underfoot.

“Not like I can help it. She’s everywhere, even when she’s not. It’s ridiculous.”

There it is again, your face ghosting through his mind. Other than Satoru and Shoko, you never really tried to find him. If you wanted to, you would, right? Maybe you’re too mad at him for all the things he’s done. Or maybe you already forgot about him.

 “But it doesn’t matter, does it? She’s gone. Just like everything else.”

For a moment, he closes his eyes, trying to drown out the memories, the sound of your laugh, the way your voice softened when you said his name, the weight of your eyes on him as if you could see through all the lies he told himself. He’d burn every memory if he could, let them smolder in the same fire that consumed the rest of his life.

“Besides. She’d hate me now, just like everyone else. Maybe she was just waiting for me to turn into the monster she saw coming.”

“Stop stewing in these thoughts, that doesn’t matter anymore. We’re expecting another bunch of monkeys in half an hour.”

But even as she said it, the words tasted wrong. It shouldn’t matter that he can still feel the warmth of your gaze, your unwavering belief in him, and yet it cuts deeper than any accusation ever could. Suguru shakes his head while straightening his shoulders, eyes locked onto Manami in front of him in order to force you off his mind.

“Doesn’t matter,” he repeats, his voice barely above a whisper, as though trying to convince himself.

“It’s too late for that now. So, where’s the monkeys?”

“Why did I know I’d find you here?”

His voice startles you, making you jump slightly. You turn to see none other than Satoru Gojo standing there, hands in his pockets, his white hair catching the fading sunlight. The sunglasses perched on his nose don’t quite hide the sharp edge in his expression he usually wears around you.

“Because I’m always here, I guess,” you reply softly, your tone as tired as the circles under your eyes appear.

“And I told you to stop a long time ago,” Satoru bites back, his voice bitter, cutting.

“The Suguru you knew… he’s gone.”

The weight of his words lands hard, though they’re not new. He’s said them before, with the same venom in his voice, every time you bring up Suguru or the past.

“I know. I’ve always known.”

“Then why do you keep punishing yourself? Dropping out of Jujutsu High when everyone needed you didn’t bring him back. Hiding out here doesn’t change anything, y’know?”

“It wasn’t about bringing him back, Satoru,” you snap, your voice sharper than you intend.

“It was about… letting him go. You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me,” he challenges, stepping closer.

“I’ve spent years watching people destroy themselves over things they can’t fix. I know the look in your eyes - you miss him. You always have. But you didn’t even try to stop him when he turned his back on us.”

You flinch, his words hitting a nerve.

“Because it wasn’t my place. I wasn’t like you, Gojo. I wasn’t his best friend. I wasn’t strong enough to drag him back kicking and screaming or to stand in his way. All I could do was… let him live the way he decided to. I thought… maybe if I stayed behind, if I didn’t follow him, he’d understand that I believed in him, that I trust him and his actions, the path he chooses. That I’d be here if he ever wanted to come back.”

Satoru’s shoulders tense, his jaw tightening. He never understood. Until this day, he never wrapped his head around the fact that you didn’t try to stop his best friend back then. You, who had more power over Suguru than himself.

God, how much he hates that disgusting truth until now.

“And look where that got you,” he mutters.

You look away, your hands gripping the edge of the bench for support.

“I never expected to see him again, Satoru. I didn’t think I’d matter enough to him for that.”

The silence between you stretches thin, brittle as glass.

“Do you think he hates me?” you ask, your voice barely audible.

“For staying behind? For not going after him?”

Gojo doesn’t answer, which is answer enough. You know he blames you, at least a little, for what happened. For not doing more. For leaving everything to him. For allowing Suguru to turn his back on Jujutsu High.

“Suguru hating you? Never. I bet he still thinks about you every damn day”, Satoru mutters under his breath before turning on his heels and leaving you standing in the rain.

Suguru, still thinking about you? You shake your head vehemently, not allowing that absurd thought into your brain. If he would miss you, he’d visit you, right? In all those years, he never lifted a finger in order to find you.

You were right there. In your small apartment, at jujutsu high.

Maybe he forgot about you after all.

“Me? Forgetting you? I’d never be able to do that, (y/n).”

Maybe some promises are meant to be broken.

-a few evenings later-

You’ve drank too much.

You always do when Shoko isn’t with you, when no one’s around to watch you. But even though you emptied a whole bottle of liqueur on your own, you still aren’t able to forget him. Fuck, his face is glued onto your mind like a second skin, never leaves you even though you drink enough to forget your own name.

Will it always feel like this? Will that ache ever go away?

“What are you thinking about, handsome?”

“Something I’ve lost some while ago”, you mumble, absently swirling your glittery cocktail around.

“That’s a bummer.”

You don’t even gift the random stranger next to you a look, the guy who smells like cheap cigarettes so vehemently that you feel like throwing up.

Maybe it’s time to call it a day.

“Yeah. Whatever.”

You spring back onto your feet, the alcohol vibrating through your veins. You were never much of a drinker back then, only shared a cigarette with Suguru from time to time. But this became your only way to numb the pain. At least for a few hours, at least for some time.

The cold air of the night hits your face like a wall. Even though it’s far past midnight, the city buzzes in street light, laughter and cries. And yet, all you’re able to think about is him again. His laugh, his voice, the way he used to look at you when he thought no one else was watching. Is it wrong to long for him? Is it disgusting that you couldn’t care less about the things he’s done those past years, about what he’d become?

You shake your head, trying to dispel the thoughts, but they cling to you, stubborn and relentless. Why can’t you just stop? Stop longing for something that will never happen, stop running after a person who is long gone? Suguru won’t come back, you won’t just meet him on a random street-

The click of footsteps catches your attention. Heavy, yet elegant footsteps across the still busy street.

At first, you think it’s just another stranger wandering through the city’s darkened streets. But something about the rhythm - steady, purposeful - sets your nerves on edge. Something about this feels familiar.

You glance up, your heart skipping a beat as your gaze meets a pair of familiar dark brown eyes.

Suguru Geto.

The world around you blurs, the sounds of the city fading into silence. It’s him, unmistakably him. His hair is longer than you remember, strands sticking to his face from what looks like rain, or maybe it’s sweat. Blood splatters ruin his clothes and the sharp line of his jaw, painting a stark, gruesome picture paired with those cold orbs. His expression is unreadable, but his eyes… they’re searching, watching your every move.

You should run, or scream, or yell at him – at least something that shows him what he put you through.

Anything.

He’s the same man who left you, who walked away from everything, from you. He, who didn’t even tell you about his true feelings, who didn’t care about the consequences of his actions, who didn’t even ask you to join. All those miserable nights you imagined him sitting next to you on that bench, the bottles of alcohol you’ve drank just to forget his name. He needs to pay for it, needs to know what he did to you by leaving you behind.

But instead, your feet move of their own accord, closing the distance between you in an instant.

Before he can react, you throw your arms around him so, pulling him into a tight embrace.

Suguru freezes, his body stiff against yours. He doesn’t move, doesn’t speak, as if the sheer force of your presence has left him powerless. You bury your face against his chest, not caring about the blood, the grime, or the hurricane of questions swirling in your mind. All you care about is the fact that he’s here, alive, and solid beneath your touch. You can feel him – not only in your dreams, but for real.

Suguru is here.

He’s alive.

He’s right between your arms.

The scent of him - familiar, though tinged with something darker - fills your senses, dragging you back into a world you thought you’d never touch again. Tears sting your eyes, but you bite them back, unwilling to let them fall.

“Suguru,” you whisper, your voice trembling.

Finally, he moves. His arms lift hesitantly, then wrap around you with a force that knocks the air out of your lungs. He holds you like he’s afraid you’ll disappear any given minute, his grip firm and desperate. His head dips slightly, and for a moment, you think you feel him trembling too.

“What are you doing?”

His voice is rough, low, almost broken.

“I don’t know,” you admit, your voice muffled against his chest.

“I just… I missed you.”

He pulls back just enough to look at you, his dark eyes scanning your face as if trying to memorize every detail.

“You shouldn’t be here,” he mutters, his tone a mixture of regret and warning.

“Neither should you,” you counter, your gaze unwavering.

Suguru’s lips twitch, almost forming a smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. He lifts a hand, his fingers brushing against your cheek as though testing if you’re real.

“You should hate me.”

“Maybe I should,” you reply, your voice steady despite the storm raging inside you.

God, you’re so furious at him. Mad because he ran away, mad because he left you standing in the rain.

Mad because this is actually the first time Suguru Geto hugged you.

“But I don’t. I guess I could never hate you.”

His expression falters, the mask he’s worn for so long cracking just enough to reveal the man beneath. The one you knew, the one you loved in a way you never fully understood. And for the first time since leaving everything behind, he feels that small ray of sunshine taking in his heart again.

“You don’t know what I’ve done, what I’ve become. I was so sure you’ll hate me like everyone else.”

“I know enough. And I don’t care. You’re still Suguru Geto, aren’t you?”

He exhales sharply, the sound almost like a laugh, though there’s no humor in it. You, not caring about the fact that he ended countless lives out of his own fulfilment? You, a jujutsu sorcerer who always protected those monkeys?

“You’re too good for this,” he bites back, shaking his head.

“Too good for me.”

“Don’t decide that for me,” you snap, surprising even yourself with your suddenly so sharp tone.

“You don’t get to make that choice. You already did when you left without saying goodbye”

The silence between you stretches, heavy with unspoken words. You’re right and he knows it. But… Was it really a possibility to take you with him back then? Was there a tiny chance that you…would have joined him?

Slowly, he leans his forehead against yours, his eyes closing as though seeking comfort in your presence. No, he doesn’t want to think this through. Not right now. Not when he feels your heart pound against his body, not when you’re this close to him for the very first time.

“I thought I’d never see you again,” he admits, his voice barely a whisper.

“I told myself it was better that way.”

“And yet you’re here,” you point out softly.

“And yet I’m here,” he echoes, his lips curving into a faint, bitter smile.

For a moment, it’s just the two of you. No blood, no curses, no jujutsu, no past or future. Just the weight of the present, fragile and fleeting. And for now, that’s enough.

For now, simply holding the man you thought you’ve lost forever on a random street is more than enough to make you feel whole again.

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[yousaytomato]

I already have so much anxiety about not going into work because I'm ill, and being asked "what's wrong. You definitely can't come in? Will you come in tomorrow we really need you just take some paracetamol I'm sure you'll be fine" really did not help

[0luv9]

can't move on || mattheo riddle

Summary: He was done fucked, a weak man on his knees for her, mad for her, in love with her and funny enough she didn't know. Him sleeping around isn't helping him though.

Beware: angst, fluff (?), minimal plot, smoking, drugs, alcohol, she/her pronouns, second person used as well, miscommunication, misunderstandings, excessive use of swear words, both reader and Mattheo assume the worst, happy ending.

Words: 4.025k

Mattheo Riddle is in deep shit. His feelings have dug him a deep hole, a hole so deep that he could bury himself a hundred times over and still not be anywhere near the surface. He is so in love with you. And you being so fucking oblivious, mistake his advances for him being friendly. It's funny because when has he ever done something friendly? He's not even friendly to his friends, he insults them as a greeting for fucks sake. It's ridiculous how clueless you are, it was endearing at first but now it's just painful for him to watch you go on dates, that too every date with a different guy.

He thinks you've fucked them all, afterall it's him, Mattheo Riddle, he only thinks in extremes, if you've been on a date with some dude, you ofcourse had fucked him because who wouldn't do you. He resorted to the same ways, fucking his frustration out but instead of feeling satisfied, he would feel relieved for a moment and then his frustration would grow more and more, never coming close to being satisfied. He thought he could just fuck it all out, that he could just forget you, that he could just hate you. It became a routine for him, he got rougher and rougher with the girls he slept with, reaching his own high became harder and harder. It was all because of you, 'cause you couldn't see his love and make him a lover.

His reputation was worsening, his grades started slipping, he started ignoring you, becoming angry easily, snapping at anyone and everyone. Fucking girls left and right, every day was the same and he wondered why the hell he couldn't find a solution to all his problems. His smoking habits became worse, one cigarette turned into two, two turned three and now he was smoking one pack a day. His life was fucked, he could no longer think for himself, the thoughts of you with someone else corrupted his mind at all times. Everyone could see him ruining his life, he couldn't care less, he didn't give a shit about the names he was being called, most of them were true anyway.

…

Tonight was like every other Slytherin party night, except for the fact that he hadn't touched a drop of alcohol, all he wanted was a drunk hookup but he had slept with most of the girls in the room and he couldn't bring himself to repeat them over. He sighed, walking off to a secluded balcony, pulling out a cigarette, it was boring, life had become boring.

"Mattheo," he nearly jerked his head in the direction of your voice, it's been so long since he's heard it. All of it coming back to him, all the feelings he was trying to get rid of came right back, knocking at his heart. He's looking for the sweet smile, the one you'd always give him when you'd talk to him but all you did was frown at him, looking at him like the onlookers who gossiped about him and it fucking hurt. "Yes darling," he greeted you like nothing was wrong, before you would've smiled at his cheesy nicknames but now you grimaced at his hoarse voice and stepped back, he quickly looked away, just like that he blew off his last chance, he couldn't face it, he couldn't see you walk away from him, he physically couldn't.

"Riddle-" "Don't, don't call me that," he whispered, it was pathetic, he knows it too but that doesn't stop him, he couldn't hear you call him that. "Mattheo, I am Mattheo," he breathed out like an affirmation to himself, as though reminding himself of the person he's losing, dropping his cigarette and putting it out with his shoe. There it is, he's doing it again, acting how you'd want him to act, you disapproved of his smoking habits, you never told him to stop though, just so you know, he would stop if you only asked but you never did. You never asked anything of him, making the friendship feel one-sided, never wanting to bother him, you didn't do that with your other friends, you were openly asking them for favours albeit small, still favours, that's how friends are, looking out for eachother but no, you never expressed it, he just had to read into it. It made him feel as though he was your friend, just for the name sake, wow- he couldn't even be your friend.

He closed his eyes trying to contain himself, taking a hit from the burning cigarette, his hands were trembling, he was hurt, he could never be with you, you were making it clear. For the first time he got an actual sign of rejection and he just couldn't take it. "Riddle." It was still your voice, coming from his side, he slowly turned, there you were, standing next to him, looking at him with concern, giving him the slightest bit of hope, making his heart pound against his chest. He simply stared at you this time, unable to think of a response because you called him by his last name, you never did that. You didn't speak either, both staring at eachother, him with everything unsaid, sadness, anger, hope, longing, love, every fucking thing while you looked at him with worry painted all over your face. Mattheo hated to have people worry about him, noone was obligated to do so and he didn't want anyone to do it but right now, he didn't seem to mind, your attention was on him, worried about him. You finally looked away, placing your glass on the railing, alcohol with a lollipop in the glass, a typical you thing.

"alright, Mattheo," a small smile was tugging at your lips at his actions, "tell me, what's going on?" He didn't have anything to say, what would he say anyway? Upon not receiving an answer you sighed and continued, "Draco was telling me how different you've been-" he scoffed loudly interrupting you, ofcourse this is what it is, Malfoy sending you to talk to him, to scold him like everyone else, ofcourse you wouldn't come to him on your own, he was so fucking worthless in your eyes. “Don’t do that Mattheo-“ “Yeah? Why not? Coming here to scold me like everyone else, you know what, surprise surprise, it’s nothing I haven’t heard before.” He was angry, you come to talk to him after all these days and it was to tell him, that he’s bad, that he’s wrong, yes, he started it by ignoring you but you didn’t even make an effort to talk to your “friend” while he was away, it pained him to know that you didn’t even care to check up on him.

“No, I am worried Mattheo, this is not okay for you,” you moved closer, shaking your head trying to find the words, “I tried Mattheo, to catch you, to talk to you but you were always turning away, ignoring me, I couldn’t even get a proper look at you these weeks. Draco was joking about you smoking two a day, one for each girl you slept with, it was then but now, a whole pack a day? I tried to get to you, tried to see what’s been hurting you, but all I saw was your back towards me.” You paused, looking around clearly frustrated, “I thought maybe you didn’t want to talk about it, so I stopped trying but I am sorry, I can’t help myself, I care about you Mattheo and I hate to see you like this,” you looked up at him, hoping he’d understand but he only stared at you blankly, maybe you were wrong to care, he clearly didn’t want to be bothered, you sighed yet again, clearly there was no point, you could only wish for him to be better.

You mustered up all the courage you could, moving closer to the brunette who still hadn’t said a thing, “I am sorry for bothering you, I hope you win whatever battle it is that you are fighting, just know that I care and I can’t help but be worried when you are hurting, sorry if it is selfish that I want you to be better, I won’t disturb you anymore” you gave him a small smile, going up on your tiptoes planting a small kiss on his cheek, lingering for a moment, holding his hand in both of your own giving it a hard squeeze before letting go. It pained you to see that he didn’t seem to care about his own life, making you feel useless for doing the same, he was dear to you, you didn’t want to let go of him but clearly he didn’t want the same, who were you to deny him of anything? So, you let go, taking the moment in before walking away, the tears were ready to fall, you weren’t going to let him see that, you didn’t want him to see how pent up you were over him when he couldn’t even bring himself to care.

Mattheo could feel his chest burn, he could feel the sting in his heart at the sight of you walking away, his knees felt weak, you cared? You tried to reach out? Yes you did, of course you did, you weren’t the ugly person he tried to paint you as, he wanted to hate you so bad, he wanted you to be wrong, he wanted you to scold him, he wanted you to hate him just so he could move on but no, he could never move on from you, even if you spat his way he’d love you. ‘Sorry if it is selfish-’ he fucking wants you to be selfish, he wants you to be selfish about him. Only if he wasn’t busy imagining you with other guys, maybe he would’ve noticed that you smile a bit more around him, just maybe he’d see your eyes looking out for him. Maybe then he would’ve seen the look in your eyes, one similar to his, but he was a fool, he’d always be unworthy of your love, you wouldn’t love someone like him, he ruled that possibility out the very moment he fell in love with you, thereby in his mind even if you actually loved him, you didn’t because he couldn’t see it.

He called after you, he couldn’t see you walk away, not when he has so much to say. You turned around, he saw tears in your eyes, he felt like dying, it was him who made you cry, if he didn't hate himself before, he clearly did right then. With two wide strides he was infront of you, holding your face, wiping away your tears, "please don't walk away from me," he muttered, trying to get you to look up at him, you look up at him with stars in your eyes, taking his breath away, 'I want you so bad' he thinks to himself but it's false, no, he doesn't simply want you, he fucking needs you like the air you take away from him, when you look at him like that- hazy eyed, making him think that you love him but he knows you don't, he knows you don't love the guys you go on dates with, he knows you don't love the guys you sleep with, in his eyes you love to care but don't care to love, he'll be one of those guys, if it means you'll have him, even if it is for one night.

He was staring at you, looking for a sign, waiting for you to push him away but you just look at him with glossy eyes, making him weak, unable to contain himself he presses his lips against yours, you hiss pulling back, the bitter taste of smoke invading your senses, your reaction hurts him, he couldn't even be one of your guys, that's how worthless he is, his grip loosens, he tastes you on his lips, sweet cherry- the lollipop still sugary on your lips. Then you surprise him, fisting his collar, pulling him down, soft lips on his, like honey against his smoke. He loses it then and there, his hand comes up to hold your face, the other low on your back pulling you flush against him. It was heaven, eyes closed, moving in sync, savouring every second, he could feel his skin tingle, his body burn, it was pathetic how you could bring him to feel so much with the simplest of touches, and now you were kissing him, better than any dream or fantasy, it's real, he reminds himself, frowning as he concentrates trying to capture every single detail, of you against him.

Mattheo walks you back to the railings, not letting go of you even for a second. You pull away as the cold metal makes contact with your body, the sting seeping through the thin layer of your clothes. Still impossibly close practically breathing the same air, then the situation dawns upon you, you look up at Mattheo in horror. This is what has become of your love for him, he's using your attraction towards him to get you into bed, just like he did with other girls. There was no difference in their relationship with him and yours with him, evidently so. You loved kissing him but you hated the fact that it meant everything to you but all it was to him was a one night stand, your dignity would not allow it, even though you wanted him so badly. "I'm- I'm sorry but I can't," you quickly walk off, not looking back this was humiliation, you felt embarrassed.

One moment you were there kissing him and the next you were gone, he fucking hates this because he doesn't know what to do or what made you push him away. You gave him hope when you kissed him but shattered it when you walked away, you were confusing him. Why'd you kiss him like that if you wanted to let go? His hands reach out to pull at his hair, "Fuck" he grits out, it was frustrating not knowing what to do, knowing he has done something wrong. But for the most part, he doesn't know how you feel, you kissed him like you felt something but you walked away like it was nothing. He's over it.

…

He's absolutely not over it. He couldn't even stick to the plan for five seconds, images of you in his arms plagued his mind. He could only cherish that moment, he felt more alive in those few seconds than he ever did, his lips are still tingling, it's the next morning and his head is still in clouds. Mattheo for once, feels human- he feels like going to class again just so he could see you. The wound of your rejection was still fresh in his heart but so was the memory of your lips against his in his mind.

He could handle the professors' taunts, he infact muted them out and zeroed in on your face, you were avoiding him, he could see it, trying so hard just like he did the past few weeks. He saw himself in you for a moment but then you started talking to some Hufflepuff dude next to you, smiling at him so pretty, his blood started burning hot when he saw the guy touch you. You did nothing to push him away, pfft- ofcourse he wasn't Mattheo fucking Riddle that you'd push him away.

Mattheo was practically burning holes into you skull as he took a seat in the very back. Only if he wasn't so overtaken by jealousy he'd see that your smile didn't reach your eyes as you laughed at the Puff's joke, that your reactions were simply polite, a mere distraction from the pinching of your heart. You didn't want to be one of the girls he slept with, didn't want to be discarded after being used.

He couldn't even be one of your guys, he fucking wanted it to be him so bad just to have your for a night, just so you could see him in a different light, just so you'd know that he loved you. He'd gladly be discarded by you.

…

Mattheo has been searching for you, for about an hour now, you were minx- rushing out of the class before he could catch upto you. You were no where to be seen, he was actually getting worried. He was just about to enter the dungeons when he saw Pansy near the entrance. She'd know your whereabouts, she was a close friend of yours. She'd help him too, because she was his friend as well, right? Or had he destroyed every relationship he had the past few weeks. "Pans, a moment please" "oh hey Mattheo," she greeted him with a smile, that's a good sign, "umm- do you know where-" there he was, polite stuttering fucktard, "oh I know where she is," He didn't even tell her who he was looking for, confusion taking over his features, "I saw you looking at her in class, you like her don't you?" Was he that obvious? If so, why couldn't she see it? "Yeah," he finally admitted it to someone else, it was out there now, he felt some weight lift off of his shoulders, there was no denying to it, he loved her and he doesn't care if he gets laughed at for it but then his heart stops at her next words. "She's on a date with some Hufflepuff, in Hogsmeade," her voice was sympathetic, hurt was painted all over his face.

They were standing there in awkward silence for a couple of minutes before she broke it, heading towards the entrance, "You know you should tell her," she gave him a small smile, she patted his back ready to slip into the entrance, he stopped her "Why? Did she say something about me?" His voice was full of hope, hoping that maybe she had confessed to her friend just like he did right then but to add onto his sorrow, Pansy shook her head, he let his head hang low, moving his hand over his face, scoffing bitterly at the situation he was in, "but you should still tell her, at least you'll be satisfied knowing that you did something about it than do nothing." She shrugged walking in, leaving him there to think about her words.

She is right. He has to know, to know how you feel, he has to talk to you, has to let you know how he feels because in his heart, there's hope that you may like him back because you kissed him like you did. Mattheo wants to confirm that it wasn't his delusions that rendered your lips to move against his in adoration, something more than just physical. He has to hold you again in his arms-

He didn't even have to walk far away to find you, walking alone in the empty corridor but you turn around as you see him. Mattheo won't let you do that this time, he's onto you within seconds grabbing your wrist and pulling you back. "What-" "Please don't ignore me-" "I am not!" You sound defensive, taking your hand back, folding them as you look at him as though he is some lowlife human, there's a similar hurt in your eyes, one he knows a bit too well. "Yes you are, please don't try to deny it," he says slowly and carefully, he doesn't want you to walk away, "what do you want Mattheo?" You are annoyed, you stretch out his name showing your impatience. He takes his sweet time though, taking your hands in his, they feel cold, snatching away the warmthness of the action, "Why did you walk away? Yesterday?" "Why? Is there some rule against it-""no no ofcourse not-" both of you interrupting each other, you were frustrated, what was he trying to do? Did his ego take such a huge hit that you didn't want to sleep with him, like those girls he used and discarded? "Tell me why is it that you care? It's not a huge deal to you, you can have anyone else to sleep with you, it shouldn't matter that one girl decided to walk away when you have tens and hundreds lining up-" "WHAT?" He was looking at as though you were saying something ridiculous, "I cared about our relationship enough not to ruin it but you had to be there, trying to use me like you use the other girls and then discard me-" "STOP!" He holds your face in his hands, intense gaze setting you ablaze, "I fucking care, don’t think otherwise, I care because it's you, you could never be them-"

"wow- am I so worthless and unattractive in your eyes that you don't even-" "Wait, it should be me saying all of this, about you and the guys you on dates with, the guys you take to bed-" "What guys-" you both were now screaming at eachother, it was overwhelming, having to be vulnerable and admit your feelings and not understand what the person in front of you is saying. "I have not once slept with the guys I went on dates with, I'm in love with you for fucks sake but I got tired of waiting for you to love me," What.

He fucked up.

"Fuck, fuck-" his knees hit the ground as he covers his face with his hands, he's ruined all his chances by being an assuming dickhead. Heavens goodness- "FUCK!" He groans into his palms, not being able to digest what you had just said, he feels ecstatic that you love him but he hates that he's ruined his chances with you, "Mattheo-" "Fuck, I am so sorry, I've been a fool, a fucking idiot-" he pulls you down, grabbing your hands, crying because he doesn't know any other way to express it. He has lost his chance all because he let jealousy get the best of him, took illogical steps to overcome it. "I love you, I fucking am in love with you," he grips your hands tight, shaking them as he speaks, unable to control his very physical reaction, "Mattheo what-" "I thought that I could fuck it all out, fuck all the feelings away but no you were always on my mind, not just you but you with someone else, happy. I thought maybe I could resort to your ways, thought maybe I could sleep around then I'd get rid of my feelings, afterall you seemed happy doing it but you never- FUCK! I am so fucking sorry, I love you-" you kiss him, he sure was an idiot to think that you could just flip a switch and "unlove" him, what kind of love would that be? You hated to admit it, you loved him even when he was sleeping with so many girls, you loved him before he did that, a few weeks were nothing to make you hate him.

It was brief kiss, enough to silence him, tears were still running down his face- he was a heartbroken man on his knees afterall- they were only a sign of his regret, then he was at it again, apologising, "stop Mattheo, you are foolish if you think that I'll love one moment and not love you the next-" "but you don't deserve it, not after what I did-" "let me decide that. Do you love me?" Your ask is serious, so he answers you with utmost sincerity, his words soft, full of truth "I love you, more than I think I can handle," he looks down, you don't let him as you wrap your hands around his neck, pulling him close, "Learn to handle it then, I am not going anywhere." For the first time in his life, does Mattheo experience pure bliss, you are a sin against his lips, he pulls you closer like a prayer because if there's a god above, he'd pray for you to be his.

...

[gay-dorito-dust]

May I request BootHill and Argenti with a crush who’s reckless and accidentally confessed due to a particularly bad injury?

Crush doesn’t care for getting injured at all and always brushes off their concerns when they get injured but one day they just get rlly badly hurt and when they try to do the usual

“I’m okay”

It just kinda snaps in the boys?

(Sorry if this is too much)

Boothill

‘You fudging idiot!’ Boothill screamed when he saw the massive gash on your side. ‘You’ve gone and gotten yourself hurt again!’

‘I’m okay.’ You said as casually as you could while trying not to wince as Boothill began to put pressure on your wound to prevent it from bleeding out further. The gash fucking killed but you weren’t about to let him know how much it hurt, you refused to as you’ve dealt with far worse.

You haven’t, actually, that was a fucking lie to begin with.

‘I’m okay’ they say.’ Boothill scoffs, ‘yeah right, you’ve only gone and done it now! For fork’s sake would it kill you to actually act like you want to fudging live for once?!’

He knew you were a reckless spirit for the moment you first met, you were someone who didn’t care how many scars would litter your skin, only caring about finishing the mission no matter how debilitating the pain was. At first he didn’t care to know your name nor your reasoning as to why you act the way you did, but when he started to feel something for you, that’s when he began to worry himself sick over you.

Boothill genuinely wondered whether or not you cared that you lived after each and every suicide mission, you couldn’t be mended or rebuilt like he could, you weren’t invincible as you’d like to this you were and Boothill could only hope that today served as a reminder of that.

Boothill didn’t want to lose you, he couldn’t bare it as he’s already lost his friends, family and his darling Arabella who’s smile so wide you could see the her gap tooth on full display. Arabella was just learning to walk when she was taken from him along with everyone else who meant everything to him; Revenge was his only motive and loosing you would only make him surrender to it a hell of lot faster.

‘If all you’re going to do is shout about how stupid I am then you can fuck off and leave me here to die since I’m such a idiot in your eyes, mr spaghetti western.’ You barked, hating Boothill’s unnecessary comments and hating the worried look within his eyes even more, it made you feel useless and pathetic.

Boothill looked at you as though you’ve grown a second head, lost on how that was the conclusion you came to, you must be delirious from the blood loss. ‘Fork me do I have to spell it out for you- I like you fudging dummy!’ He exclaimed. ‘I’m mad not because I hate you but because you’re hurt and I’m scared of loosing you darling!’ He chuckled humourlessly as he presses his forehead against yours, the one time where he was glad that his face was the last places where he could feel your warmth seep into him. ‘Your recklessness has me on the edge of insanity more than once sweetheart. I mean do you know just how much it hurt to see you like this? I might as well have gone on a tirade and hunt down every son of a nice lady who played a part in your scars.’

You remained in stunned silence.

This confession wasn’t something you were expecting from someone like Boothill, it made you wonder whether you were imaging this for yourself, and the reality was that he wasn’t actually here with you and you were indeed dying alone with no one to provide you company other then dead corpses waiting for you to join them. So in hopes of proving yourself wrong, you lifted a hand to his cheek, watched as he melted against it, his warmth seeping into your skin.

He was here.

Boothill was here and this was real, all this was real.

‘I like you too your silly cowboy.’ You whispered before pressing a tender kiss to his plush lips. A battlefield wasn’t a great place for a confession nor for love to blossom but if that was the case then why did it feel so right for the both of you in that moment.

Later you were taken to medical and Boothill, your official partner, went back to talking your ear off about how reckless you were, but would press kisses to your forehead and hands to let you know that he’ll take care of you from now on.

Argenti hated it whenever you came back from missions injured and your carelessness towards the scrapes and bruises that littered your body didn’t exactly help either.

‘I’m fine.’ You said after spraining an ankle.

‘I’ll live.’ You waved him off dismissively after hurting your side during a mission.

It seemed as though you never held yourself in the same regard as he did, and Argenti couldn’t help but feel his heart break the more and more he witness you disregard other people’s concern, acting though you had a paper cut rather then a wound that wound take you out of action for a good couple of weeks.

So when he found you with your back pressed up against a wall and a deep gash on your leg that made it hard for you to stand never less walk.

‘My beloved rose!’ He cried as he rushed to your side, setting aside his weapon as he inspected the wound.

‘I’m okay, it’s only a small gash.’ You told him but Argenti wasn’t about to hear it, not this time. He wasn’t going to allow you the chance to dismiss him when you were severely injured. So when he levelled you with a stare, you began to wish you could take back your words as seeing such a stern expression on a man as beautiful as Argenti was actually downright terrifying. ‘This is vastly different than a small gash, this is a serious injury that could alter your life’s trajectory for good if we treat it with such disregard as you have done with previous injuries.’ He told you with a seriousness that had you listen to him.

‘And why do you care?’ You asked.

‘I’ve always cared.’ Argenti replied straightforward, ‘every injury I’ve cared. I worried for your health, your well-being, both physical and mental, but you don’t seem to do the same and that pains me because you are so-‘

‘-reckless?’ You cut in, having heard the same thing from pretty much everyone and believing Argenti would be no different from them.

‘-beautiful.’ Argenti said and your breath caught in your throat. ‘You are so beautiful to me, my rose. I have found myself grown quite fond of you in a short amount of time that any pain caused to you might as well be my own.’ He finished as he saw the conflicting emotions within your eyes and prays that you could find the truth within his words.

‘Why?’ You asked. ‘What would a knight of beauty want with a reckless idiot like me?’

Argenti smiled softly. ‘You may be reckless but you are far from an idiot my dear, I like you a lot and I merely say this in fear of a future where I may never get the chance to do so for multiple reasons. Whether or not you accept is solely up to you.’ Argenti felt as though he had finally gotten a heavy weight off of his chest, but felt a pinch of anxiety when you didn’t respond after a period of time, and began to wonder whether this was a smart move on his behalf.

‘I always dreamed of having a knight in shining armour.’ You admitted, raising a hand to cup the back of his head. ‘But I didn’t think that dream would come true until you came along and I knew in that moment I would give you my heart and so much more.’ Argenti breathes a sigh of relief as he rests his forehead against your own, nuzzling your noses together briefly. ‘I’d be more than honoured of being your knight, if you’ll let me.’

You chuckled as you looked at him fondly. ‘I’d be more than happy to my cherry haired beauty.’ You replied as Argenti was quick to scoop you in his arms and carried you to the medics, who told you that you’d be out of action for quite a while and Argenti was more then happy to be your caregiver during that time, you couldn’t be more happier at the opportunity of being with your knight in shining armour.

[paracosmic-murdock]

these colors fade for you only ; benedict bridgerton x reader (part i)

pairing: benedict bridgerton x fem!reader

summary: one thing worse than seeing your enemy often was living under the same roof, certainly, and you and benedict suffered from that unfortunate condition. not even the eleven years you've slept separated by a thin wall only helped you overcome that hatred, you would always hate each other. or not really, because it's too definite to say something as such when a few hours could change the meaning of until the end of time.

warnings/tags: enemies to lovers, sexual tension, very inappropriate behavior for the 1810s, colin bridgerton being a little shit, two people who hate each other locked in a room, what could possibly go wrong?, nude paintings, implied smut, song: sunlight (hozier)

word count: 3.2K

❁ part ii

❁ mila's anthology (main masterlist)

One thing about Benedict Bridgerton is how you could ruin even the best of days for him.

One thing about you is how much you loved to make him mad and see the frustration on his face.

Another thing about Benedict Bridgerton is how pathetically obsessed he was with insulting you in any chance he gets.

Another thing about you is how you were willing to do absolutely anything to bother him or tease him.

You acted like children: always arguing, always making fun of each other, always making everyone at Bridgerton House completely insane with your bickering the entire day.

One thing was having to see your enemy often. One way worse was living under the same roof.

Eleven years ago, your parents had an accident, and you have lived with the Bridgertons ever since, as your mother was Violet Bridgerton's best friend since childhood.

Devastated for years, you accompanied the Bridgertons in their grief for Edmund, which was what ultimately gave you strength to go on with your life. All of you.

But that was the very same thing that ignited your rivalry with the second Bridgerton: your enthusiasm would collide with his mourning and harsh words coming out of his mouth you had no will to tolerate.

It began with his insults to you, though you knew he didn't mean to be rude, and it was all his grief doing the talk. When you couldn't tolerate it anymore, you started insulting him back.

Then, Benedict would play pranks that went too far, and you would burn his sketches in the chimney.

Benedict started sabotaging any chance you could get to find a suitor and you would spread silly rumors about his performance in the bedroom with his friends from the Academy.

Thanks to his efforts, not even being named Diamond of the Season was enough for you to find a husband, which was already making you feel like a failure, not to mention a burden to the Bridgertons. Benedict's fault also.

“Anthony, has he come back?”

He gave you a pitiful look. “I am sorry, Y/N, but I spoke to Lord Raeken to ask him his intentions, and he said he was not interested in marrying you.”

“What?” You gasped. “But everything was going so well! He- he invited us for dinner last week! His mother and Aunt Violet befriended each other even!”

“You will not like what I am going to say.” Anthony anticipated, and you already knew whose fault it was.

“It was Benedict?! Again?!”

Anthony nodded. “I talked to him… It was a threat. He said he would fix it, and I promise you that Lord Raeken will propose to you. If not, he is not worthy of you, and that is all.”

“Nobody is worthy of me, then? He… ruined it with the Duke of Sussex, with Lord Leclerc, with the Count-, I… Why does he keep doing this, Anthony?” You whimpered. You didn't even notice when you started crying, but before anything happened, he hugged you tightly. “Has he not tormented me enough already?”

The eldest Bridgerton knew all too well of your inner motives to hate each other, but decided not to meddle in your war anymore unless it was a case as delicate as this.

“Promise me you will not ruin his latest painting, Y/N,” he begged. “I am trying to work on a peace accord between the two of you, so as long as you stop doing things to him, he will stop messing with you.”

You sighed. “If I do not marry this season, I will have no other choice but to find a job as a governess.”

“Why do you even say that?” He frowned.

“Because it has been eleven years of you sponsoring me, and I believe that it is too much time.”

“You think you are a burden for us?” Anthony asked, and your silence answered. “The day you leave us will be one of the saddest for us Bridgertons, Y/N. You are like our sister, and we love you and care about you as such. Perhaps it has not worked before, but do you really believe that a man that loves you will let none other than Benedict intimidate him?”

“Gregory is more threatening than him,” you noted. “And those dimples could melt the coldest of hearts!”

Anthony smiled. “Do not think too much of it. We shall find you a husband before the season ends.”

“Alright.”

“Now go, I believe Colin is expecting you, and I have many things to do.”

“Sure thing.” you replied.

Once you were out of his office, you gathered the baby blue skirt and ran to Benedict's studio. There, you saw the painting Anthony begged you not to ruin.

It was a woman's naked figure, quite a graceful one. And it was beautifully portrayed.

It would be a shame for it to be ruined. Thank God you did not promise Anthony a thing.

It was still wet, so it was not difficult to use other colors and mix them with the paint so it would look different. You also spilled droplets of red and signed your name on the painting where he had his.

Then, you cleaned your hands and ran to the door.

“Colin!” you exclaimed, and he turned around. “We are going to find Benedict right now.”

He frowned, annoyed. “What happened now?”

“Lord Raeken won't marry me for something Benedict did. Now I must speak to him.”

“It is getting late. We will not get to the tailor in time if we go to Benedict first.”

“Please?” You begged Colin. “I can get on my knees if you wish, but please…”

Colin rolled his eyes. “Alright, let's- oh, there he is!”

You looked in the same direction as him and noticed Benedict getting home. He seemed mad, and your face lost all its life when you thought of what could happen when he saw his painting ruined by you.

“Let's get out of here, Colin…” you muttered once Benedict passed you without even saying hello.

“Why? Benedict is here if you wish to talk to him.”

“It might not be a great time right now…”

“Why?”

“Y/N, I swear to God!”

“Because…” You gave Colin a sheepish look at Benedict's scream.

“What did you do?”

“He started it!”

Colin rolled his eyes. “Did you-”

“Come inside right now!” Benedict yelled once he reached the door. “I am dead serious.”

You sighed, walking next to Colin. “He is going to kill me, Colin.”

“You do not know that.”

“I did something bad.”

“So did he.”

You pursed your lips. “Tell Daphne that only Francesca is a good fit to replace me as Auggie's godmother once I die.”

“Do not say that.”

“What on Earth were you thinking?!”

“What on Earth were you thinking?!” You mimicked him, anger coming to surface again as you reached his studio.

“This was an assignment for tomorrow morning!”

“Well, Lord Raeken was my whole future, Benedict!” you yelled back.

“Look at it! It is ruined!”

Colin was annoyed enough of your fights, and seeing the keys was enough for him to know there was only one solution.

So he did it and thought that you would either kill each other or make amends.

The third Bridgerton exited the room quietly and thanked your bickering for being distracting enough so you did not notice when he closed the door and locked it from outside.

“What are you doing?” Anthony asked when he saw Colin lock the door.

“Forcing those two to reconcile.”

The eldest brother chuckled. “Best of luck with that.”

“I know they will get over it,” he said, sitting on the floor next to the door. “I shall stay here even if it takes me the whole night.”

Anthony joined him. “This should be fun.”

“I do not care if it is ruined, Benedict… you can ruin my future but you draw a line at ruined paintings?!”

“Do you not know how important my career is for me?! You can find another suitor anytime!”

You groaned. “This is my third season, and I have not found a husband! I was the Diamond of my first Season, Benedict! And you have been ruining all of them for me!”

“I have not ruined anything. They simply are not a good fit for the family!”

“I am done listening to you.” You walked away from him and tried, in vain, to open the door.

After looking around, you noticed Colin was supposed to be in the room with you but he wasn't.

“Colin Bridgerton, open this door right now!” You banged the door, making him flinch. “Someone, open the door! We are locked in here!”

Benedict believed you simply weren't strong enough to open it, so he joined you trying to open it but couldn't while his brothers hid their laughter. He looked for the keys but couldn't find them either.

“Colin must have taken the keys,” he noted.

You sighed tiredly. “Somebody open the door! Please, we are trapped!”

“Open the door! Colin!”

“They will not let us out.” you told him.

“Perhaps we should just say we made amends and they will open the door.”

“Do you think he is an idiot? Only a fool would believe you and I could reach an agreement overnight, let alone the ten minutes we have been here.”

He groaned, giving up on escaping the room and returning to the conflict. “How are you so blind, Y/N? How can you fail to see that they are not right for the family?”

“I beg your pardon?! You do not even know them!”

“Is that so?” he questioned, getting closer to you. “Lord Leclerc, a widower who had lovers left and right while his late wife was terribly ill, the Duke of Sussex is a dull rat, and the Count had three illegitimate children by the time he set foot on Mayfair. They are not good people for us.”

“If that is what worries you so, I can leave forever after I marry!”

“Do you truly think this family will survive a week without seeing you? Mother is devastated at Daphne's absence… yours would kill her.”

You rolled your eyes. “We are not even a real family, are we? I am not related to you, I am a mere burden, so why do you not take any of them as your chance to get rid of me?”

“I did not mean that. Stop bringing it to the table each time it suits your purpose to manipulate me.”

“I could seriously kill you with my bare hands right now, Benedict…” you spoke, outraged. “What is it that I did for you to hate me so much?!”

“It is not worth talking about that now.”

“Why are you like this with me, Benedict? At this point, I would marry just about any man who could take me away from you.”

His heart skipped a beat. “We can't just let you marry anyone, alright?”

“Why do you even care?!”

“Because I cannot let you go with someone I do not trust…”

“What will it even take for you to trust any of them?”

“I could never trust them, Y/N, because I can't trust in someone who does not love you devotedly and absolutely.”

Your lips formed a line of disdain at his words. “How would you even know they don't if you do not give them the chance to truly get to me?”

“Because no one does.”

“Wow,” you laughed bitterly. “Thanks for reminding me how unlovable I am.”

“You do not understand, Y/N.”

“Explain it to me, then!” You asked, you begged him.

“No one does it like I do, my goodness!” he screamed, and you were sure it echoed through the whole floor.

You choked on your own spit at his confession, and at the other side of the door, Colin and Anthony looked at each other completely flabbergasted.

“We should leave.” Anthony whispered. “Unlock the door.”

Colin nodded. “I agree, we should let them out.”

Anthony nodded and left, but Colin was determined.

He certainly did not unlock the door.

“What?” you asked in almost a whisper.

Benedict seemed surprised at his own words, as if he had spoken from ignorance because… it couldn't be real, could it? He couldn't be in love with you.

“I…”

“Benedict…”

“You are my family,” he ‘corrected’ himself. “Conflict in families is not uncommon. It is fine. I care about you, and I… we do not want you to be the wife of a man that does not deserve you, Y/N. You are sunlight, and they are nothing but a gray sky.”

You breathed out shakily, looking at his blue eyes deeply, feeling like you had never seen such blue in your entire life. “I am sorry about your painting.”

“It is alright, I will try to fix it; maybe if Colin lets us out, I can go back to the Academy before it is too late. Find a model-”

“Is that what you need? A model?”

Benedict cleared his throat, guessing where it was going, though scared of it. “Yes, but it should not be difficult to find one at the Academy.”

“We will not be let out,” you reminded him and gave it all a careful thought.

You were aware it wasn't right. He was a man, and you were a woman who was not married to him. He must not see you naked under any circumstances, but again… he saved you from those men who weren't worth it, and you paid him by ruining his artwork. It was not fair, so you owed him.

You could break the rules a little. After all, you were locked in a room for God only knows how long.

So you nodded and started undressing. “I could model for you if that is what you need.”

“What? Do not, I-”

“What is the difference between that woman and I?”

Benedict's brain told him to stop you. It was definitely not right for a lady like you to be seen naked before marriage. Worse than that, be painted.

“Y/N…”

“Am I not interesting enough to paint, Benedict?” you questioned as your dress reached the floor. “I just wish to make up for what I did.”

You started undoing your corset under his careful eyes.

“If what worries you is my identity, I believe you could use the other model's face,” you added once the corset was discarded and your bosom fully exposed to him. “It is intact in your painting.”

“I am afraid your grace cannot be compared.”

You exhaled nervously when your shaking hands reached the beginning of your underpants. “Then make justice to it.”

Finally, you stood completely naked before him and didn't dare to be modest about it.

“Paint me.”

You walked to the couch and laid in a similar position as the model in his painting.

“I cannot ask that of you.” He tried one last time, gathering all the strength in his body… You were a lady, and he was a gentleman; no matter how rare that would be of him to stop you. It was not right, but what a sight he had before him.

“Then it is good that I offered.” you refuted.

He doubted for longer than he is willing to admit, but ultimately approached you with hesitant steps.

“Allow me,” he whispered as he reached you. You nodded, and he accommodated your head so you would be looking up at the ceiling and your hands to cover what could be seen of your face to his art's convenience delicately. His touch, hot, caused goosebumps on your skin. A gasp left your lips. “You truly are beautiful.”

“Thank you.” you mumbled.

Benedict returned to the canvas, telling himself he could do this.

He shouldn't.

But if your face wouldn't be seen, it would do no harm. Only you and him would know it's you.

A few hours had passed and the night had fallen. It was difficult to paint with the growing darkness hiding your features, so he left his piece for a second to find some candles.

Before he returned to the canvas, you spoke. “Am I doing it well?”

“You certainly are,” he praised you. “A natural indeed.”

You had goosebumps once again.

What is wrong with me?, you asked yourself.

How could Benedict, of all people, make you feel like this? How could he control the speed of your heartbeat with mere words? How could he turn your skin into a burning mess that acted as if it was freezing? How could he make your hands sweat each time he got closer? How could he make you forget how much you despised him after he said he loved you?

How did he love you? He said you were family, but he did not dare to call you a sister like his siblings always do. No, this was a different kind of love: the kind of love you read about in the romance novels you have stolen from his library, because that is the way you were feeling near his presence, under his stare, at his touch.

“Come here,” you commanded long before you thought what you would say. He complied, flying to you like a moth to a flame, but you were sunlight: billions of times more powerful, and you could consume him long before he dared to reach you. He felt like a moth with wigs made of wax, melting with each step that brought him close to you. Gladly. “How do you love me, Benedict?”

“What?”

It was unbelievable that a man of words like him could act so clueless, but there he was. Oblivious to your passion, not to mention his.

“I have always been your Mama's daughter and your brothers and sisters' sister. But I have never been yours,” you mentioned. “Why, if you love me so?”

“Y/N…” His hand caressed your face, and you took the other to put it on your left breast where he could feel your heart beating.

“Kiss me if what my beating heart says about your love is true.” It was an order, and that heart of yours was certainly right.

And right then, he knew he was careless of his own insignificance. He would fly as high as the melting wax allowed him to and fall as deep into the ocean as his own weight imposed.

He could drown and disappear, live and die for this moment. For all the frustration that has haunted him all those years of loathing and yearning. For his sunlight, for you.

He kissed you, and you returned the kiss as if your lips had ever touched others before.

They haven't.

They shouldn't.

But they are now.

It was an angry kiss. Wet, carnal, breathless, hot, feral, everything.

His lips did not caress yours or danced with yours, no; they fought and devoured yours, and you gave in.

It was exquisite but depraved in a way you couldn't bring yourself to explain, and you absolutely loved it.

Once the kiss ended, you were the first to talk. “Take it all off.”

He breathed out, nerves he does not recall to have ever felt scared his determination away.

He felt as pathetic as those men he threatened to ruin if they were to set foot in the same room as you ever again, and he took off his clothes with the urgency of a task set by the scary educator of his childhood.

You looked at him, took it all in, and gave him space to lay beside you.

“It's just us, Benedict…” you let out, your breath blending with his. “You can love me now.”

His cue.

[redr0sewrites]

So bc u requested Adam and/or Lute stuff I'd like to request Adam x male!reader? Like literally anything that comes to your mind, idc if it's sfw or nsfw I just crave it °^° (also if you're not comfy with writing male reader that's totally cool too, in that case just ignore this)

I HAVW NO QUALMS AB WRITING MALE READER NONNIE DW!!!! ♥️

🥀Cw: fluff, smut, male!reader, overall adam's usual shenanigans

🥀minors dni with the nsfw portion

sfw:

you can NOT look me in the eyes and tell me adam does not have some form of internalized homophobia, and the minute he starts catching feelings for you i genuinely think he'd have a mini crisis

because of his major fuckboy personality he has a LOT of experience with flirting with women, but literally no experience with flirting with men

adam is still pretty confident however, and would probably approach you first.

i think he'd have to be friends with you to catch feelings for you in the first place, so he's probably around you pretty often

adam is very subconsciously flirty with you, but in a much more genuine way without his usual bravado. he doesn't even realize how soft he acts around you, but others can tell by the way his eyes always follow you and how he seems to orbit around you, or the way he'll purposefully stand as close as possible when he's talking to you. theres also the fact that he's literally always touching you, whether it be an arm around your shoulders or a hand resting on your back, he just needs to be close to you. you attract him like a moth to a flame, even when he's in a crowded room all adam is focused on is getting your attention. even his casual hookups stop as he literally focuses all his time on winning you over, even he doesn't realize how much he likes you (everyone else can tell. theres a betting pool in heaven on when you both will get together and who will confess first, etc)

adam definitely acts like a BUFFOON around you, deep down he doesn't think someone like you would want to be with him and overcompensates by bragging constantly about all the woman he's liked in a slightly pathetic attempt to flirt with you and literally CONSTANTLY trying to get your attention. think of his usual flaunting attitude and then turn up the dial by 100%. he wants to be on your mind 24/7 the same way your on his mind all the time

meanwhile ur lowkey heartbroken, bc you think adam is straight and yet you can't get rid of your stupid ass crush on his stupid face!!!! it's honestly especially irritating because he'll flirt with you and call you so many petnames and nicknames and will always be touching you, so you think you have a chance, then all of a sudden he's talking about some girl he banged and you just feel a bit led on

its very amusing for lute to watch the both of you dance around eachother and your feelings, when you both so clearly like eachother but are too scared to do anything about it

honestly i think you'd both end up confessing to eachother in the middle of an argument, maybe your pissed at adam for bragging about the "super hot girl he banged last night" (she isn't real and he spent the entire night thinking about you) and he's pissed off that your getting mad at him instead of being impressed or falling in love with him

definitely one of those dramatic "because i LOVE you, okay?!" confessions i am cringe but i am free and adam just kinda stares at you for a hot minute

adam would literally be like "wait... YOU like ME???? i thought you HATED me????? IM the one who likes YOU!" in usual adam fashion, and you would literally be like -_-"YOU LIKED ME THIS WHOLE TIME??? WHY DIDNT U SAY ANYTHING????" his dumbass would literally be like "I WAS TRYING TO??????" and all of this useless dialogue would literally just end in the two of you admitting your true feelings (much to lute's amusement who was recording the entire thing bc she NEEDS to win that bet)

once you both are officially together? prepare for adam to be the clingiest mf alive (in a cute way tho). he waited so long to be with you and literally became solely devoted to you for a WHILE before winning you over and it's probably been a hot minute since he's genuinely dated someone. sure, he's had hookups, but real, soulful relationships aren't common with him.

adam is ridiculously loyal to you, definitely one of those people who will be like "i have a bf 🙄" when someone random texts them, even if that person wasn't even interested in them romantically

LOVESSS flaunting you!! adam will bring you to every event he attends, he loves bragging about you and showing you off to all of heaven

if anyone ever gave you any shit about your relationship adam would literally drop kick them, he's very defensive about your guys' relationship and wants everyone to know that he loves you.

adam doesn't know shit about labels or sexuality so you probably have to teach him some things, i honestly think he'd be pansexual or just queer/unlabeled (i am totallyyy nooot projecting)

nsfw:

adam has been alive a long time and thought he tried everything sex related under the sun, but being with a guy opened a whole new world of possibilities

adam had explored with anal a bit before, but never with a partner. only in the late hours of the night when jerking off just wasn't enough, and he found himself with a strange temptation, his hands creeping lower and lower until he finally began to thrust his fingers in and out of his aching hole, tears welling in his eyes from a mix of humiliation and pure pleasure. yet, when he admitted to having tried fingering himself before, he also admitted something else- he had never managed to make himself cum, and had always gotten too embarrassed to push himself over the edge

he is a switch FIGHT ME. the first time your both intimate, adam absolutely talks so much shit about topping yet starts whining the second he begins fucking your tight cavern. this leads to you taking control and fucking him senseless, and adam is shocked at how much he enjoys it

he takes dick like a champ, he's a bratty sub at first but once you praise or degrade him, he's melting like putty in your hands

adam is sooo loud, he's a shameless moaner and everyone within a mile radius can hear his screams

you have to teach him how to give head, and he is surprisingly a very fast learner. adam lowkey gets off on how humbling it is to be below you, and he's also the type to get off on his partner's pleasure.

adam definitely has some sort of breeding kink, and when he's fucked dumb and so, so needy, he'll beg you to cum inside, whining about fucking a baby into him and babbling pure nonsense

even though it is quite literally impossible for either of you to get pregnant, he loves that kind of dirty talk. adam will pretend to be embarrassed about it but the thought of you breeding him or him breeding you is genuinely such a turn on for him

yall literally never use a condom im sorry 💀

adam would enjoy topping as well, i def think he enjoys fucking you and he loves fucking you senseless with pleasure

the first time he tops adam goes slow, he wants to learn more than anything and becomes incredibly skilled at reaching that sweet spot inside of you

adam is the first man, the original dick, and he definitely knows how to use it. he's such a fast learner when it comes to sex-related things, and memorizes everything about you and your body. he wants to know what makes you tick, and everything that pleases you or turns you on

adam is a pretty big guy and he can easily maneuver you into any position you want, he really likes hitting it from the back and loves fucking you from behind. he'd definitely pull your hair, forcing your head back so he could whisper absolute filth in your ear

i really really enjoyed writing this urgrhrgregregeh i love me some adam- im an afab person but im genderqueer/unlabeled and sometimes feel more masculine or more feminine, snd this was very fun to write bc i usually don't get requests for male reader or more masculine reader so yea i really really enjoyed this!!! also happy easter to anyone else who celebrates lmao i can't believe yall r getting smut from me on easter 💀

[felassan]

Snippets 🐺💜

Users report that pre-orders they made to TFAW of the DA:TV artbook The Art of Dragon Age: The Veilguard have been cancelled (since its listings were taken down like Dark Horse's were)

Blair: "The Shadow Dragons have some great black leather combos, less feathers though." [source]. shrl: "The Mourn Watch have leather and skulls." [source]

John: "it's been a pleasure and an honor working on this with you Brian" [source]. Brian: "The feeling is mutual." [source]. Trick: "It's been amazing watching it all come together, and I am so grateful for everything you've done to make that happen." [source]

John: "the day this game ships is the day i will finally retire the sleeved blanket i bought back in 2019" [source]

John: "the wildest thing about being creative director is that about once every two weeks someone says 'hey this bizarre thing here is part of your job can you do it'. and it is a thing that you KNEW someone did but you never thought about which someone. congratulations, you are that someone" [source]

User: "The Evanuris are banished forever, he says. 👀". Trick: "Forever-ish" [source]

John: "me: it’s weird how a lot of fans think I hate Solas, it’s absolutely wild. also me: I should photoshop Solas into the ‘we demand to be taken seriously’ picture" [source]

Carly: "i can see the light at the end of the tunnel, everyone,,,, s o o n 🥴" [source]. / "I honestly can’t wait til we share more !" [source]. / User: "do you ever look at people’s reactions and theories on here like 🙂‍↔️ you people have no idea what’s coming". Carly: "Oh absolutely lmaooo" [source]

Carly: "I deleted it but I posted in our slack like “pls just tell them smtg, the clowns make me sad ):” lolol" [source]. (note: fans have been joking around and calling themselves clowns hhh, in the age-old tradition of DA clowning) "this is me empathizing and feeling bad we aren’t giving as much info (altho epler be goin off), rereading it sounds like I’m going *points* look at how pathetic those clowns are lol" [source]. / "its like we can finally yell about our work but only in limited quantities and basically at the same time fans find out things lolol oh ya and the ea snipers" [source]

Violet: "I might be screaming into the wind, but there's nothing underhanded going on. Release date is coming in August like we already said (so very soon)" / "roadmap will be very soon with some nuggets of what will be coming in August." [source: the official BioWare Discord]

Violet: "I made the announcement [in the Discord about Edge magazine's article], and it's kinda damned if you do, damned if you dont. If you do, people that ONLY want the biggest beats get mad. If you don't, people that want any scrap of news get mad. Personally, I think going towards the latter is better overall. But I'm sorry it wasn't what you expected. I am also a DA fan and care enormously about this project." [source: the official BioWare Discord]

User: "How do we all think the companions for Veilguard flirt?". Violet: "depends on the companion fsfs" [source: the official BioWare Discord]

Violet: "soon™️" / "(not trying to be a shit, it will be soon! its a holdover joke from my last studio, i have to put the ™️ every time, its a sickness)" / "real talk, im just as feral as you guys when it comes to DA" / "[re: John being aware of a meme] that doesnt surprise me, [John] gets around 👀" [source: the official BioWare Discord]

[hoffmansgirl]

Honestly, I’m getting tired. It’s literally bts pics from a tv show. He’s not even playing Jesus in the show. People are just looking for a reason to hate him at this point and it’s really pathetic. I was not okay with him posing with those guys and I felt like people had a genuine reason to be upset with him, but I also thought double standards were rearing its ugly head again. Let’s get mad at nick for posing with guys dressed as Lyle and Erik but let’s like and repost thirst edits of Nick and Cooper made up of scenes from a show where they play … Lyle and Erik Menendez. People are holding him to a standard that other celebrities aren’t held to. He can’t do anything without people picking him apart and “canceling” him. It’s honestly annoying.

YES YES YES 🗣️ louder for the cunts in the back!

nicholas chavez is not problematic.

so. i actually feel so bad for him because it must be so hard. he's just gotten popular how long ago... a month? two? and people are trying to cancel him so bad.

he can't do ANYTHING without getting hate - first people started bringing up his love life - since when is it anyone's business? calling him a bop, a man whore. people are feeling way too comfortable nowadays.

next ━ "nicholas doesn't support the brothers", "he doesn't give a fuck" ━ how can YOU know that. he doesn't owe anyone a ny thing. he doesn't need to be as vocal as cooper is about it ━ as i wrote in here aaand here. i honestly won't even talk about it anymore after this post because it's fucking annoying.

the picture with the dicks dressed as menendez brothers ━ disgusting. i'm not gonna defend this one because well. he could have refused to take it. he's a grown ass man, for gods sake. although, as i mentioned before, he is HUMAN. he is LEARNING how to be a big star, what he should and should not do. let's not pretend we are all angels, bffr. we all make mistakes, and sometimes we don't even realise we do something that might be considered wrong.

now... the (hot) god damn pictures... can we stop being so sensitive and fucking annoying!!!!!! 😁 i saw that post and thought that he looks so good, the brat dance made me smile sooo much ━ then i saw the comments... he is not. mocking. religion. he is not mocking your beliefs or your god.

"cancelling" an actor for being an... actor is fucking embarrassing. i just have to laugh.

why is everyone so obsessed with this man, with everything he does? why are haters the first ones in his comment section? god, even i am not that fast and i'm fucking obsessed with the guy. come on... people just hate to hate.

and! surprise! he doesn't owe you an apology ━ if you're offended by the pictures ━ because it's just the show. people think he dressed up as jesus for halloween... do your fucking research. read the caption. stop harassing the poor man i swear 😭

in this house we don't hate on nick ━ of course he needs to be held accountable for the menendez brothers picture, no explanation needed ━ but nothing else.

it's kinda funny because my man is just working, being an introvert and people think he's a soulless narcissist.

i guess people just hate rich, popular and hot men that live their best life... i kinda feel sorry for them, ngl.

and one more thing before i finish... nicholas' love life. the insults i've seen online are so concerning. why are people so comfortable to comment on other people's relationships? why do people believe everything they see on tiktok or twitter? calling him a "man whore" is wayyyy too much. like let this man breathe around another woman? or have female friends? god forbid talk to another woman...

i don't want to comment on his girlfriend because... i want need her man, why would i even talk about her 😭 i have my own opinion but lemme just not...

woof woof i'm yapping. but yes anon, i agree with you. 100%.

and finally! if u wanna talk about it (or just talk about nicholas...) then my dms are open!

and remember!!!! to treat people with kindness ♡ 🫧

(celebrities are also people).

[starillusion13]

can I request a mafia ot8 x reader? where they all kept a secret from her which made her feel betrayed like she wasn’t a part of the team so like she reverted back to her old self (cold, not talking to them at all, being strictly profesional) and each one of them regrets it

CAN WE GO BACK?

Pairing: Mafia! Ateez x f!reader

Genre: Angst, Mafia, Mature

W.C: 4.2k

Warnings: arguments, regret, trust issues, keeping secrets, mention of death and mafia business and deals, traumas and betrayals.

Networks: @cultofdionysusnet @k-vanity

Note: Thanks for reading and reblogging. I appreciate all of your reviews and feel free to text me if you want. Spread love to others, not hate. I swear if I write one more angst fic then I will end up crying a river. I have made this fic a little bit less angst and let me know how it is.

"Where are they?" You asked Mr. Na with balancing the snacks in your hold.

He looked at you with a frown and glanced at the papers. It was afternoon and you thought to meet your boyfriends in the office but they were not there. It's unusual for them to not be there without telling you where they are going to.

You pout and placed the snacks on the table and munched on one of your favorites. You waited for him to reply but he seemed to return back to his work. "Hey! I asked you something and you are ignoring me. You know who I am right?" You asked him in a threatening tone and he was still not fazed by you.

"I can't hear you. I'm busy." He didn't look up from his paper-works and you got mad.

You slammed your hand on the table in front of him and glared at him. He rolled his eyes with a bored look on his face.

"How will I know where  are they? And also didn't you have a mission this morning? Why are you back so early and annoying me?"

"Me annoying you. I would never." You faked a hurt look on your face and acted to have a heart attack. "I had my missions and I did well. I was really disappointed that those shitheads were not afraid of me at first but were insulting me more. So instead of letting to have them taste of my precious words, I planted some bullets in their head."

He chuckled, "as expected from you."

"But don't you really know where they are...they are not even picking up my calls." You looked down at your phone, still no missed calls or any messages.

"How will I know about it? You are their girlfriend and if they are keeping something so confidential to them, it can only meant that it's to remain within the family and as you are also part of the family so I hope they won't tell me anything about it." He said and went back to his work.

You are their family.

"But they didn't told you anything like if I return or something and where to find them?"

He glared, "no. But they were pretty much in hurry when they left the place and I thought you knew about it. So don't ask me again."

"Jaemin-" "Don't call me by my name during working hours."

You scoffed, "just now you told me that I'm their girlfriend and now you are raising your voice at me. Also, mafia business is for 24/7 so I can call you anything anytime and anywhere."

Jaemin clicked on a website and replied, " it was good when you were of cold personality and kept your distance with everyone. It's pretty much annoying that you always pick me to disturb and interrupt my works."

"Oh come on Jaemin, you love me too much. And just remember if I return back to that self, it will be only when something like in the past has hurt me again. And I really don't want to be like that again. I like being so happy and free everytime."

You were sad and your words were pronounced clearly that made him understand that he should not have said those harsh words to you. He knew how pathetic and vulnerable your past was but still his work load and you in between made him slip those words.

He patted your head, "y/n, I'm sorry. Really. I didn't mean like that. I really love to see you so bubbly. They have totally changed you and to see you happy with them is really the best thing in this building."

"You still don't trust me?"

"No no you are the lovely and the best sister I have got here and please don't mind my words like this. Please don't feel sad."

He was really trying his best to hold back his tears and make you trust him that the little suspicion he had back then when you joined the company had disappeared eventually. He always thought of you as the distraction in their life but now he sees you as a blessing. He is a best brother to you.

"Never. I can't feel sad with you atleast. You are not getting rid of me anytime soon."

A ring from Jaemin's phone interrupted your conversation with him, you both watched the name displayed on the screen 'Sir Yunho'. His eyes went wide and stared at the phone and you clutched yours in the hold.

You urged him to pick it up and put it on speaker. He received the call and you leaned forward to scan the drafts on the computer screen on which he was working.

"Has Y/n returned yet?" The voice from the other end was rough and tired.

"She-" you pressed a finger on your lips and signalled him to not tell them about your arrival. "No she hasn't returned yet, let me ask her."

"No let her be. We will be back soon from the business. If she returns then tell her we are out for lunch." He spoke in a hurry.

The call was passed to someone else. Jaemin was surprised that they just told to not tell you that they were out somewhere and even told him to lie to you. He was watching you how you were staring blankly at your phone.

"Jaemin, what happened?" Hongjoong was angry but still he was trying to contain his anger. The younger boy was distracted and soon collected himself to reply back.

"Oh just, some works are pending so I got distracted."

"okay."

The call was cut and you stood up. He was about to say something to you but you raised your hand making him shut and you turned towards the meeting room. The room which belongs to you too but now somehow it felt many secrets are hidden behind it, from you.

he watched you walking towards the room with lost eyes and tired form. He shook his head at the thought that it was not good whatever was going to happen because it's not a good decision for them to keep this sudden business hidden from you.

Where were they even? Why didn't they tell you about it?

These thoughts were storming inside your mind after you entered the room. Your fingers curled into a fist and threw the vase which was placed on top of the side shelf above which a beautiful family picture with you smiling with your boyfriends were hanging. You glared at the picture.

"Where are you all? Don't you all trust me that you had to keep this sudden business as a secret from me?"

You harshly wiped away the tears from your eyes and looked around the room. It was same as earlier when  you noticed before leaving in the morning. You slowly walked towards the leader's chair at the end of the table. 

You sat on it and held the armrest tightly. You turned it around to face the wall behind you. The letters on the wall were piercing your eyes which were designed with orange and black LED mini lights, 'ATEEZ'.

Your family.

"Don't you all trust me as your family?"

The more you were thinking about the situation, the more you felt like convincing yourself that you were just overreacting and after they come back from the place, they will tell you the truth and everything related to it but still somewhere you were impatient.

They know that keeping secrets only triggers you but still they chose to do it.

. . .

"Is she here?" Jongho's voice made Jaemin look up from the computer screen.

Jaemin stood up and greeted him and the rest who were chit chatting in the back. "Y-yeah, she just returned right now."

Jongho smiled and said, "you don't have to work on this today. We need this after two weeks so go have some free time with your friends. Don't stress yourself."

Jaemin nodded and sat down.

"Let's head to the meeting room first and she must be waiting for us in the cafeteria." Yeosang's cheerful voice made everyone laugh and there was a warm feeling in their hearts that you were waiting for them.

Jaemin's eyes followed them going to the same direction where you went earlier. Heavy boots clicked the marble floor with dark looks radiating from them but everyone had a small smile resting on their face because of the thought of you.

Seonghwa opened the heavy metal door only to be greeted by broken pieces of fiber scattered on the floors and then he noticed the vase in front of their picture was lying broken.

"Who the hell did this?" Hongjoong's angry voice brought the others attention to the situation.

"Welcome back, Ateez."

Their eyes followed the source of the voice and noticed the leader's chair facing backward to the table. They couldn't see the person sitting on it due to the high rise of the leather of the backrest but the voice was pretty much familiar, the one they crave to listen often, almost every time.

You swiveled around the chair to face them and they noticed you sitting on it with one leg over the another and staring at your phone.

San was last to enter the meeting room and when he closed the door behind him, he noticed the whole situation and the destruction on the floor.

"You look cute when you sit on this chair."

You ignored Hongjoong's compliment and he was surprised that you didn't reply him back. If it was some other time then you would have teased him or said that you always look better than him and then he would have placed you on his lap and proceed with things.

"How did your mission go?" You glared when San went to touch your cheek after asking the question. He thought you were joking so he again raised his hand only to get swatted away by you.

"Sir San, please keep your hands off from me. You should not touch me like this way."

He laughed, " are you putting up a new act again from a movie?"

"Hey let's get some food in the cafeteria." Yeosang said and smiled towards you while approaching you.

You gave both of them a stern look before staring at the man standing across from you in the far end of the table. He was watching you intently.

Hongjoong leaned forward and supported his hands on the edge of the table, "why are you speaking like this? What's with your behavior with them?"

"How does it feel to be the leader and sitting here? Very authentic, right leader?"

Leader...you don't call him this anymore because after the day they turned you into this new personality, you always call them by their name just to feel them more closer. It makes you feel a family with them.

"Why are you asking this all of a sudden?" Seonghwa behind him asked you and you fished your phone inside your pocket of the combat pants and poked the inside of your cheek.

"Why don't you all take a seat? We need to discuss something about business." 

Your words were like a business partner waiting for them to make a deal not their girlfriend who was waiting for their return.

No one budged from their place and you rolled your eyes. You stood up but stayed beside the chair and spin it around. Their eyes followed your movements.

"I thought sitting here will make me the leader but I see that's not the case here."

Wooyoung sat in the second chair at the side of the table.

"Where were you all?" You asked.

Jongho scanned the room to see all of them were busy staring at you and so he said, "we were out for lunch." He nodded in the end.

You bitterly chuckled, "from nine in the morning to this later afternoon...almost four o'clock...you all were out for so long. Just for lunch?"

"We were not out for so long." Hongjoong said confidently.

"Of course. But that's not according to my watch."

"Why the vase is broken?" You smirked at Seonghwa's question.

"Ah finally the question I wanted.well, I broke it."

"Why?"

"And if I ask you the same question Seonghwa, why?"

Mingi interjected, "what do you mean by why?"

San was still standing confused beside the chair on the other side.

"I am asking you all again and for the last time. Where were you all?" Your words were so loud and this sudden yell made some of them surprised and others were still staring at you.

Mingi was quick to reply, "as he said we were out for lunch."

"Don't lie to me. If you don't want to tell the truth then shut up." You clenched your jaw.

"What makes you think like that?" Yunho asked and folded his hands above his chest.

"Oh come on Yunho, you told Jaemin to lie to me that you were out for lunch when you were actually on a secret business. Am I right?"

He was surprised that you knew about it. Wooyoung leaned back to his chair and said, "y/n, it's not like that. That's just a simple issue."

"Then why can't anyone of you tell me where you all were."

Jongho cleared his throat and said, "it's better for you to not know about it."

"Do you think of me as a spy?"

"Y/n no we can't ever think of you like that. Even if you did something wrong then we can always talk it out with each other but we will never suspect you for anything." Jongho quickly stated.

Hongjoong's boot echoed in the room and he stood in front of you. You glared at him when he placed his hand on your shoulder.

"Don't try to manipulate me or try to convince me to trust your lies. You promised me to never hide anything from me but suddenly you all are hiding something from me."

He nodded, "I know but I want you to calm down for me. Please." You scoffed. Another presence made an appearance beside you both but you were yet to notice it but when he spoke up you became more annoyed with the same words.

You pushed away the hand from your shoulder.

"Not always everything can be said to everyone. Sometimes its better to keep some things secret."Seonghwa said and held your hands in his and caressed them a little, "it's for your safety and well being."

He seemed to be calm and contented but deep down he was deeply hurt to see you acting distant with him and not even smiling a bit when he was so near to you. He was holding your hand but he wanted to pull you in a hug.

"We just want to keep you safe, y/n." Yunho stated very slowly and he was sad.

He is always the first person to pull you in a hug and fill you with love and praises and today he would have appreciated you for your success and instead of this dark environment, the room would have filled with laughter when he would have held you up and spin you around in the room.

Mingi stood behind you and prevented you to move away and whispered words to calm you down and to take everything slowly. But you were not in a mood. He was still process the fact that you came to know about the secret business.

You pulled your hands harshly from the grip and shouted which made the person behind you to stumble backward.

"Can you all stop pretending that you all did nothing wrong? If I'm overthinking then let me be like this but you know I hate when my own family hide something from me. It make me feels like I am not trusted. It reminds me of my past."

Wooyoung hesitated to speak anything but still clenched his fist, "no love, we trust you the most. Believe me."

You ignored his words and sat on the chair beside him. Seonghwa was about to say something but Hongjoong held his hand up to make him quiet. The past traumas always triggered you whenever someone lied to you or hide something from you but still he did it.

Rest of them were aware of this situation too. Your words were feeling so distant and you being so hyper was normal for you to act this way. Atleast they should have think about this situation before. You held your head over the table and grabbed your hairs and Wooyoung stared at you with hurtful eyes.

You looked like that old y/n who was with cold heart, piercing eyes and distant space with them. Not their usual y/n with the warm heart, sweet smile and confidence.

Hongjoong was about to pass by you to go towards his chair when he halted in his steps behind you, he raised his hands to pat your head but the younger one beside you grabbed it and glared at him.

"I told you to tell her about the situation but still you were persistent with your decision. Look what you have done." Wooyoung didn't mind to raise his voice at his brother but the leader just nodded to his words and retreated his hand back.

He went to his seat and signaled others to do the same. They all were glancing at you. You were near the leader and San who was across from you was glancing between you and the leader.

He wanted to just pull you towards him and take you away somewhere else just to calm you down and make you feel loved.

When you noticed everyone was seated, you raised your head and blankly asked, "I assume you all to start speaking now. And only the truth."

"We were with your dad and Mr. Lee." Hongjoong started the conversation.

"Don't ever refer that monster as my dad. He is no one to me."

"Mr. Lee's daughter..." he paused and looked around for anyone else to continue and Yunho nodded.

Yunho smiled but quickly erased it when he saw your fuming eyes, "his daughter is engaged to Hongjoong and Seonghwa because once we had a deal in the past to save our organization and today we were there to break the dealership with him."

When the topic finally started. each one of them had a same feelings tugging at their heart. the feeling of regrets. All of them were regretting to keep you oblivion to this.

You scoffed, "engaged?" your eyes took in each of their looks precisely and continued, "so its not about only today. you all were hiding it from me for a long time now. and for how long?"

"it's not like that."

"Yunho, I asked you for how long you all were preparing for this business and when all this engagement happened?" you asked and leaned back into your chair. Mingi was impatiently tapping the top of the table with the back of the pen.

Seonghwa patted Yunho's back  when he was on the verge of tears hearing your harsh and cold tone. he gulped and started to reply but his lost eyes were staring at you and you were not even minding his presence and Mingi chimed in, "last year. your da- I mean Mr. Byun offered this deal so that we could recover from the loss we had in the last year."

Yeosang added, "we thought to not worry you about this whole ordeal and we could have solved it without including you and then pretend that we were never in this situation."

"we always wanted the best for you. please don't feel sad." Wooyound said slowly beside you and you rolled your eyes.

"So I have been lied for one whole year. you made my only chance to go in vain. why? you thought I will be a problem  in this?" you turned towards the leader "were you planning to get married? why did you have to hide this whole thing?"

Jongho was curious, "what only chance you are talking about?"

you smirked at him, "I could have showed Mr. Byun that I have a family which he never gave me. I could have showed him how powerful I am. I am not the weak one he wanted me to be. I could have proved that I am being loved and trusted as a family." You paused and scoffed, “but I think I was delusional all these times.”

Hongjoong clenched his fist on hearing your words and sighed, "Wooyoung and Yunho wanted to tell you about this but I told them and others to keep this discussion away from you. I didn't want to include you because-"

"because you dont trust me. you thought I will support Mr. Byun when you all were crashing to the ground?"

San quickly denied, "no no. we trust you so much y/n. we thought hearing his name or facing him would have hurt you."

Hongjoong nodded and continued, "it would have been more dramatic if people came to know about your relation with Mr. Byun and that you are a part of us inspite of him being our enemy."

"you see me as your enemy?"

"what? no." wooyoung shouted those words at you.

Seonghwa stated quietly, "I'm sorry. I should not have hide these things from you. you should have been told about this earlier. it's really worse for you to find it like this. but trust me we were scared. how to protect you and maintain our organization."

"you made me feel like an outsider."

"I know we did it in that way." Mingi said and looked down.

"After this I can't trust anyone of you like before. Every time now I would feel like you guys are hiding something from me. I will feel like I am somehow related to your enemy and still like before you have the suspicion of me going against you someday."

you paused and inhaled sharply, "I don't know if you guys trust me or not but I have always trusted you more than everything. I trusted you all and whatever you did was to keep me safe and away from this to not hurt me but...atleast you should have let me know about it. My trust would not have broken like this."

Yunho stood up and walked towards you, he turned around your chair and kneeled down, "please Y/n, please we won't hide anything again from you. please talk to me but don't distance yourself from us."

"you gave me no other option. they were engaged all these times, you all met Mr. Byun often and made deals behind my back without even letting me to get a hint of it. I was blinded by the trust that I never noticed you all were lying to me all these times when you were actually going out not to hangout but to meet that monster and this new girl."

You were blinded by the trust that you never noticed they were lying to you.

Wooyoung hugged you from behind, "We only love you. you are everything to me. I never wanted to lie to you but this was the only option. please forget about this and lets go back to normal."

you removed both of their hands from you and stood up. everyone was attentive to your movements. you glanced at the clock and sighed. you were tired and hungry and frustrated. All at the same time and you felt a wave of anger rising inside you.

"you are not leaving us, right?"

"Jongho if I leave right now then where is the thing called 'we can talk out our problems' but yeah that's true that you have made me feel lose my trust on you all."

you paused and then added, "Are you two still engaged with her?"

"yes." both of them quickly replied.

"get rid of her quickly or I will get rid of her from this world."

Both of them nodded.

they all gulped hearing your words and Yeosang grabbed your hand when you stepped forward for the door. you eyed his hand, waited for him to say whatever he wanted but you didn't look in his eyes. you knew if you look at him, you might start crying but you needed some time to recover from this whole situation. 

"I'm sorry."

you knew he was sorry but still you were having so many thoughts that you couldn't still place things right on the places. once your trust is broken, it can't be mended so easily and they knew this. each of them were regretting.

"do you trust me?" your words were meant for all and he nodded quickly. you rolled your eyes and licked your lips.

"the ones who trust me, please follow me to the research room, I have kept the pen drive and file there so I can show you the details of it."

"Will you not eat?" San asked you quietly.

"I am not hungry. Finish the research room process with me and then I need to...I will have some time alone."

you glared towards Hongjoong and Seonghwa and left the room, slamming the door shut behind you. They didn't say anything. after all, it was their fault and you felt betrayed with them hiding things from you for one whole year. Mingi was the next one to leave room to quickly follow you and others sighed.

They need to start to build the trust from the beginning. You wanted to hate them but your trust and love for them was too much to hate them. To forget them as your family.

You smiled towards him and pecked him.

you once said, "how can I trust you?"

he smiled and hugged you, "your enemy is my enemy. our enemy and there is nothing that can come between us to tear us apart. you are the precious and the knot of this family. if someone hurts you, we all will be hurt and get scattered."

“We will never lie to you and there will be no secret between us.”

Was that all a lie then?

Taglist: @mymoodwriting @justhere4kpop @anyamaris @yeoobin @icchyi @jwnghyuns @piratequeen-queenofgames @dinonuguaegi @oreharuuu @hwanring @sanwifesstuff @kiwiisnthereoops @kiwiraccoon @hyuukah @kazscara @aceofspadesbiofalltrades @nvdhrzn [open!]

[kairiscorner]

he is me and i am him (also i updated my masterlist, i put a jjk section !!)

(reblogs are greatly appreciated, it helps get my content out there! if you guys like what you see, please reblog it too <:D)

he's so sorry he made you cry... kinda. – teen!satoru gojo x reader

summary: he was never a nice guy, you knew that, but even so... he does have a heart, a literal anatomical one; he's just never shown you how much you make it beat like crazy. pairing: teen!satoru gojo x reader genre: lil' bit of angst and a whole lot of comfort and fluff 🫶🫶🫶

satoru gojo is a little shit. well, a head and a half taller than you piece of shit, but who cares? you do, a little bit, but the fact he's so much taller than you isn't what bothered you—it's the fact that he effortlessly makes you feel shitty about yourself.

satoru gojo was the worst guy you ever met, and you've met all kinds of douchebags in your life—but he definitely takes the cake. he's insensitive, crass, lazy... he's everything you hate in a person. you had no idea how anybody could like him. the only reason you hang around him is because you're friends with shoko and geto, no other reason. you'd kick him out if you could, but you didn't wanna hurt the two of them so you just... had to bear him and his shitty attitude.

satoru gojo was so boisterous, he always filled the silence with his stupid jokes and gags that you were surprised anyone would laugh at. he was so noisy... it was like he wanted his voice to be remembered by everyone, especially you.

satoru gojo doesn't know when enough is enough when it comes to you, he assumes that your angry, annoyed face is a face you make when he's doing a good job at riling you up–and it is, but he's yet to understand just how mean he can really be towards you. he thinks that a lot of his jokes towards you always come across the way he wants them to; they're just harmless little jabs at you, no biggie... until he jabs you a little too hard that tears start falling from the corner of your eyes.

satoru gojo knows nothing, nothing, about comforting people when they're crying–he's unsure why you're even crying in the first place. if he wanted to make you cry, he'd've done much worse than just poke some fun at you and tease you for a few of your shortcomings, but he never meant to make you cry. he teased you that you were a crybaby, a sensitive little cutie that gets pissed about everything. turns out, he was partially right, you were indeed expressive with your emotions, but only when they reach the boiling point, and you just... can't take his bullshit anymore.

satoru gojo had never seen you so vulnerable before; he had always thought you were the type to not get so affected by some guy's unsolicited opinion, but he wasn't just some guy to you... he was satoru gojo for crying out loud; and you didn't care if he was some hotshot sorcerer or womanizer or anybody else important or well-known or liked–he was an asshole, he... he shouldn't have affected you this much. you weren't angry at him, at least not anymore, you were more angry at yourself for letting his words get to you.

satoru gojo felt awkward and a bit unsure of what to do as he watched you cry, with you trying your hardest to wipe your tears away amidst you sobbing a whole new batch of tears. it was like his words had cut so deep into your heart that you forgot how to close the faucet of your tears. you were so mad... how could a jerk like him get to you that well?

satoru gojo would've left you right then and there for you to deal with the aftermath of his overstepping, like hell did he want an earful from shoko and geto from his idiocy and insensitivity again, but there was just something about your pathetic little self that gojo felt compelled to deal with, to... console.

satoru gojo hates this feeling, he hates feeling responsible for feelings that aren't even his. you would think that for a guy who gets a lot of praise from people for his looks and abilities, he'd know how to deal with them and get them off his back–but he doesn't. he sighs as he looks away from you, his brows furrowed together in agitation as he tries to settle with himself that he shouldn't stay, he shouldn't try comforting you when he doesn't even have the faintest idea on how to even start.

satoru gojo sighs and groans loudly as he crouches to level with you, rubbing the back of his neck as he tried to collect his thoughts. "oi, crybaby, look at me." he said to you in a snappy voice as you looked up at him with angry eyes, your vision being blurred as the tears obscured your sight. if your goal was to make gojo feel bad, well you were doing a semi-bad job; he doesn't yield to anybody's tears, or at least, he didn't until he became the reason you cried for the first time.

satoru gojo sighed again as he took off his sunglasses, wanting to face you fully, show you he isn't kidding around. you looked away from him again as you buried your face in your palms, your muffled sobs getting louder as gojo approached you. "c'mon now, crybaby... y'know i didn't really wanna make you weep–crying doesn't look good on you." he muttered as he gently grabbed your wrists and pulled them away from your face, seeing your eyes dripping with tears and your nostrils wet with snot.

satoru gojo chuckled as he saw your usually prim and proper face being all disheveled and wet, to believe he was the first guy in a long while to make you sob isn't that unbelievable–and though he felt a small pang in his chest that urged him to cheer you up, he kinda found this other side of you as... kinda adorable.

satoru gojo gently wiped your tears away with the pads of his thumbs, chuckling lowly as he did; muttering how swollen your eyes look now, how they–despite him saying that crying didn't suit you–you looked really pretty with this more somber look on your face. "for a crybaby, you sure look kinda pretty after sobbing. it's pathetic, sure, but... kinda hot as well." he said in a hushed voice that was laced with mischief as he stuck his tongue out at you as you looked at him all angrily, as if you were about to hit him for what he said.

satoru gojo laughed loudly when you said you weren't a crybaby, you just... you just felt a little vulnerable. "yeah, yeah, say what you want to feel better, crybaby. and, so i can see you smile that impish little grin again..." he uttered as he leaned closer to you–his aquamarine blue eyes locking with your own as he stared into the pretty hue of your irises–and says with a wide smirk on his face: "i'm sorry..." and he blows a raspberry at your face and chuckles. "kinda." he ends as he pulls away from you, pinching your cheek all the while. he dons on his sunglasses as he pinches your cheeks again, noticing how bite-able they are. some things just never change, do they? well, at least you heard the satoru gojo speak an apology, even if it was fake, or semi-fake.

[vampykween]

cannot stop thinking about miscommunication between reader and ghost 🤭

like imagine being such a people pleaser for ghost that he gets mad at you for doing it but doesn’t tell you that he’s mad because he hates seeing you slowly wear out for him 🤭

honey <3 i could kiss ur little brain omg! the way this had me typing non-stop as soon as i got out of class!!! also this hits so hard for me because i am exactly this type of person yikes! and im sorry because i think i kinda derailed this from ur original idea, oops! hope you enjoy anyway <3

there was a nervous out growing in your stomach, something was wrong and you weren’t sure what. 

simon’s usually warm demeanor towards you had been replaced by the hardness of his moniker ‘ghost’. he was acting stand offish, barely giving you anything besides one-word answers, and sigh deeply at you when you tried to pry. you suddenly felt sick to your stomach, had you not been so good to simon, perfected yourself to be the very best for him? if he didn't love you, then who ever would?

~ 

it was unbearably painful to watch you tear yourself to shreds trying to impress simon. he knew how you were, how you wanted so badly to be the best for everyone. but somehow you were never able to just be the best for yourself. over the year that simon has known you, he has watched you hallow out into the shell of the person you once were, or the person you could actually be had you not tried so hard to be his best little lap dog. 

there was a war raging in his mind, how could you do this to yourself. strip yourself of the soul that made him fall in love with you, to what? be perfect for a man as defiled and beaten down by life as him. 

~ 

after a dragging day of tedious paperwork and training sessions, simon was more than ready than to sink into your embrace. perhaps cuddle up and rewatch love,actually for the millionth time - a favorite of yours. but when he shed his boots by the door he was confused as you usually would trot down the stairs by now to greet him. maybe you were napping? he called out your name and when was met with resounding silence his heart began to race; had the day finally come? had his gruesome nightmares finally become his reality? 

he reached the door to your shared bedroom and frantically threw open the door and his heart plummeted momentarily, until he picked up on the faint sound of your crying behind the bathroom door. 

“love? are you okay?” the lights were off and when he tried the doorknob it was locked. what could’ve possibly happened in the hours he was gone to make you lock yourself away from him? 

“darlin’ please just open the door, i’m worried ‘bout you,” your boyfriend pleaded sadly. 

you let out a shaky huff and managed to unlock the door from where you were crouched down near the vanity. he moved towards you instantly, only able to make out the tear stains on your face and the redness of your eyes from the subtle light pouring in from the bedroom. you turn away from him, feeling unnerved by his concerning gaze. 

“please…don’t look at me, just go away,” you mumbled weakly. you hated him seeing you like this: pathetic and emotional. if he gave you just a minute more alone you could compose yourself and go back to being his perfectly poised girlfriend. 

“‘m not gonna leave, there’s clearly something’ goin on with you baby.” 

the thickness of his accent always strengthens when he’s soft with you as if he’s reaching deep into his soul and pulling from a time when he was sweetest; a young little boy from manchester, accent think and yearning for love. you could feel your throat constricting and your eyes pooling with more fat tears, and suddenly the dam bursts and you wail into his chest. 

“please- please don’t leave me, i promise i’ll be better. i’ll do anything, please i can’t-,” you’re cut off by a deep hiccup and simon grasping your face in his hands- not painfully but commanding you to look into his eyes. 

“love, what- why do you think i would leave you? and be better? what are you on, what would you need to be better about?” 

you stare at him with wide eyes, puzzled by his response. you had been expecting him to tell you this was it, that he was finally done with putting up with someone who would never be good enough for him. 

“you’ve been so distant with me lately. i thought i wasn’t being good enough for you. that i wasn’t good enough for you. im trying so hard to be better, be different, be the best for you and i’m sorry-“ 

“stop, oh my god, stop it please.” the older man effectively halts your self deprecating monologue. “it hurts me, that you think you wouldn’t ever be enough for me when you’re everything i’m not even sure how i even deserve. and i’ll admit i’ve been distant, but only cause i’m frustrated at you. not because i don’t love you, but because i do and everyday i watch you carve out pieces of yourself in order to please me. and love,” he wipes at the tears steadily flowing down your cheeks and smooths down your hair. “i  hate seeing you rid yourself of everything i love about you, to turn yourself into something i never asked you to be.” 

you’re taken aback by your boyfriend’s response. it never occurred to you that he might just love you for who you are, that you didn’t need to change in order for him to want you around. maybe you feel this way because your past partners always ‘loved’ you best when you were the exact copy of their mothers or whatever completely unattainable standards they had. maybe you’re sat sobbing in your boyfriend’s arms because you couldn’t read his emotions well and your mother was a minefield to be around and you never knew what to anticipate. but you also know that despite your shitty past and his, you have someone looking you in the eyes and saying ‘there’s nothing i want more than you as you are’. 

you wipe at your face, as if you could wipe away the pain of insurmountable self-hatred and trauma. “okay, i’m okay. so, you do still love me? because i swear simon i can do whatever you ask of me, i just can’t- i just can’t bear for you to not love me.” despite his earlier words you’re still grappling with the need to please him, to be so good he has no choice but to love you forever and to never leave you. 

“my love, i loved you yesterday, today, and will love you every day for the rest of my life. i can’t let you kill yourself, just to make me happy. in fact, it doesn’t make me happy at all. i love you for who you are, and that’s not gonna change, yeah?” 

you know that if you try to speak, you’ll try to fight him on this, so instead you nod your head fervently until he pulls you until a bruising kiss, that momentarily melts away all your worries. 

[aquaticwolfkuri]

You HATE Me, But I Hate YOU More: ch.8

Smothered with love, his dad essays him a million questions before finally giving him the keys to the family car. Finally, Dib is able to drive him and Gaz to Zim’s house and park out front. He gets out to ring Zim’s doorbell.

He could faintly hear Zim and Gir from behind the door, and the alien didn't sound particularly pleased. Finally, the door opens.

Considering most of Zim’s disguises, Dib could only pray that his prom outfit wouldn't be so bad.

Dib faintly blushes when he sees the alien dressed in a purple blazer with white cuffs and a pink bowtie. It was… kind of cute to see. The wig and contacts of course were the same.

“Dib-worm, I am… ready for our MISSION,” Zim says, his cheeks slightly flushed when he sees Dib in suspenders and slacks with a necktie and a black suit jacket.

“Mission? Right, um… I know you would prefer your Voot cruiser, but we're going to be using my dad's car.” Dib says before opening the car door for Zim. The alien looks at him suspiciously before stepping into the vehicle, annoyed and maybe even embarrassed when Gir and Minimoose step outside to tell him bye, taking pictures of him in the car with Dib.

“So… uh, any new plans to conquer Earth with?” Dib asks, and Zim crosses his arms.

“Ha! As if I would tell YOU my evil plan”

“Does it have anything to do with being prom king?” He asks, hoping Zim won't ruin this night for everyone… though, maybe it would take his mind of a few things.

“Guess all you want DIB, but you wouldn't be able to stop me, even if I DID tell you my plan!” Zim says before laughing. Dib sighs, but somehow… It feels nice and makes him feel nostalgic for the old days… Zim on the other hand, didn't see a point in such memories. Dib was annoying  when he was 12 and he was still annoying at 17, if not more so.

They finally arrive at their High Skool, but when they step inside… Zim is immediately repulsed by the loud music, the horrible lights, and seeing all the pathetic and disgusting Urthlings dancing.

“I told Dad this was a bad idea…” Gaz says.

“Maybe it won't be so bad?” Dib tries to reassure his sister.

“This is HORRIBLE!!” Zim declares.

Dib is about to say something, but across from them dancing in the crowd was Plotty. Her hair was tied up into a ponytail, wearing a silver dress… She was beautiful, and thinking about her being with someone else upset him, but it upset him more, knowing that Zim ruined his chance with her tonight, and now he had come to prom WITH Zim. He felt frustrated just thinking about it, but when he looked back at Zim…he just couldn't stay mad at him, because now he knew why Zim had come in between him and Plotty… What was he supposed to do? How is he supposed to feel?

“Why don’t you two go get your picture taken…?” Gaz suggests, pointing towards the small photo shoot near the door entrance. “I’m sure dad is hoping for pictures to put in his photo album”

“What!? No way! The only photos I want with Zim are of me exposing him…!” Dib crosses his arms.

“Photos with the Dib??? You must be out of your MIND!!” Regardless of Zim and Dib’s protest, Gaz drags them over, getting them to take a begrudging photo standing together. It was anything but cute or romantic, but she knew her dad would appreciate it either way.

“And when Does Zim get to become…PROM-king??” Zim asks, and Dib can tell immediately that the alien was up to no good.

“Zim, you only get to be prom king if everyone votes for you during couples dance” Dib says, and this seems to confuse the alien.

Zim wasn't familiar with the concept of COUPLES nor did he like the idea of dancing.

“Zim refused to dance!”

“Oh come on, I've seen you and your little robot dance before”

“LIES!! Zim would never!” Dib rolls his eyes at this answer and looks away… and he sees Plotty again.

“Yeah, your right … I guess the great and mighty Invader Zim can't dance. I knew you could never be prom king” Dib says, and Zim glares, hissing.

“HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME!! ZIM IS THE GREATEST DANCER!!” 

“Then prove it, space boy!” Dib taunts.

“V-Very well, you shall see just how great Zim is…!” With a small blush on his face, Zim hesitantly takes the hand that Dib had offered him and the two begin to dance around together. Zim stumbles a bit before he’s able to follow Dib's movements… but feeling the human's much warmer hands holding his own… made his stomach squirm and his chest ache.

Even weirder was that the two started to have fun together, though they would never admit it. Gaz watched, snapping a few photos with her phone.

“He should just be with Zim… He can be himself around Zim…” Gaz says to herself, before looking back down at her game.

While dancing, Zim’s pack suddenly begins to light up, notifying him of an incoming transmission. He shoves Dib aside and quickly excuses himself before he heads out into the Skool hall where there wasn’t anyone around before he can finally answer the call.

“G-Greetings my Tallest!” Zim didn’t expect his leaders to call him so suddenly, especially while he was at his human Skool.

“Greetings Invader Zim. We uh… have a VERY important mission for you” Red says.

“Yeah, VERY important” purple affirms.

“A mission?? For ME?? Of course my Tallest! I will take on any mission required of me!” Zim says confidently.

“Good, good… Then we need you to leave Urth and return to us Zim. You might be gone a while” Red explains, and Zim suddenly finds himself feeling anxious about the idea.

“L-Leave Urth? But-”

“This is important Zim. The entire Urken empire is in great danger, and only YOU can save us.” This seems to convince Zim.

“ME!? Yes my Tallest, I will not fail you! Invader Zim, signing off.” Zim ends the call, and leaves the Skool building without a second thought, heading back to his base to pack up.

“Girl! Minimoose! The Tallest have give me an answer important mission! We must leave at once!” Zim says and Gir just screams joyfully. Minimoose just helps Gir pack up.

Once the entire house is emptied and entirely removed along with the underground lab, they fly off in the Voot Cruiser.

“Now back to-” Before Zim can finish, he sees the photo of him and Dib that Gir had taken, sitting on his dashboard…

Searching around the Skool building, Gaz and Dib can't find the alien anywhere. He should have been back hours ago from the bathroom, but he wasn't anywhere to be found.

“Did he seriously just ditch us??” Dib should have known. Zim ALWAYS has to pull some shit. He can never just let things be.

“Dib-” Before Gaz couldn't finish, her and Dib could hear screaming coming from the court room where the dance was being held. Gaz and Dib rush over, only to see a hole in the ceiling and other students panicking and freaking out.

“What happened!?” Dib asks.

“A-A weird green dog came down and left a not for you before leaving with a big sack” A student says.

Green dog, a note for him; it couldn't be anyone other than Zim and his weird robot. The student hands Dib the note, and reads the following.

“Don't think you've won DIB, I will return and conquer the Urth!! love ZIM!!” What did he mean…? Did Zim… just leave earth?

“Zim you piece of shit!!!”

[opertabry]

wrong number smau ➝ safe flight (half written)

synopsis ➝ peer pressured by your group members, you ask a fellow idol for her number. but when you texted her that night, you realised that she wasn’t the person you were texting. what you didn’t know was that she gave karina’s, aepsa’s hotshot visual and leader, number to you.

chapter 28 ➝ safe flight

you honestly missed aeri, a lot. but you couldn't look her in the eye without being reminded of jimin, everything reminded you of her now - from the karomi plushies that you would see in a random store you walked by to the pink pringles that always caught your eye during your group’s convenience store runs. there’s a saying of how you become a mosaic of everyone you have known in your life, pieces of people staying with you even if they aren’t in your life anymore. and sitting across from her now, you saw pieces of jimin in aeri. even as awkward as it was, the tension still thickened even more with the small talk that accompanied your lunch. you and aeri didn’t do small talk. she sighed as she put down her fork with a clatter.

“y/n, let’s talk.” god, even the way she talked reminded you of jimin.

“we are talking.”

“i meant talk about what happened yesterday.” aeri looked at you with a knowing look, you sometimes hated how much she knew you.

“nothing much to talk about.” you pressed your lips into a thin line, you started squirming in your chair from the suffocating feeling of her stare.

“y/n. i thought i told you that you can talk to me, i’m not a stranger. i’m your best friend. please, act like i am.” she knew how to push your buttons as you already felt inclined to spill everything out to her. and when you started, you almost never knew how to stop. you looked down at your fidgeting hands on your lap, and letting out a defeated sigh.

“i told her i thought i was falling in love with her.” you whispered weakly, you looked up to see aeri nodding at you, encouraging you to continue. and it was as if you had flipped a switch, as you felt your voice growing louder, you felt some anger boiling up inside you. “and she had the fucking audacity to walk away. do you even understand how pathetic i felt?” you saw how her eyes widened slightly, not expecting you to have had a sudden burst of animosity.

“well, i’m sure it was a misund-“

“no, don’t give me that shit! she knew what i meant, she’s a grown woman.” you snapped, and you almost apologised after seeing aeri flinch at your tone.

“she’s not that type of person, i swear. i know her.” you started to feel suffocated from how ticked off you were, why the fuck was aeri defending jimin?

“well you obviously don’t, you weren’t there when she said all that shit.” you seethed out, wiping your hands on your pants because you were starting to sweat from the overwhelming emotions swirling in your stomach.

“you’re not even going to let her explain herself?” she probed, you really didn’t want to get mad at aeri, but by god, was she making that so hard.

“aeri, i would, i honestly would! if she wanted to explain, i would listen. but the fact is, she doesn’t even have a fucking explanation, and she doesn’t want to explain.”

“give her some time.” you looked at her incredulously, there was no way she was serious, right?

“you know what? no.”

“no?” there was an almost amused glint in her eye, she urged you to keep talking with a raised eyebrow.

“no. because i was the one who stood there, i could have been humiliated in front of thousands of people and it would not even compare to what she did to me. no one was around and i have never, never felt more humiliated in my life, aeri.” you knew you looked heartbroken when a look of concern and guilt washed over her face.

“i’m sorry.”

“you shouldn’t be sorry. don’t apologise for things you didn’t do.” you murmured as you picked up your fork and started pushing around the food you lost the appetite for.

“i have to. she’s my leader.”

“and i am your best friend.” you repeated her words back to her, “i poured my heart out to her and she just fucking stomped on it! just like that, i don’t think she even cared!”

“she’s my friend, y/n. and she does care.”

“she could have fooled me.” you scoffed. “and honestly, that’s on me for thinking you could have at least listened to me as if i was your best friend rather than listened as her friend.”

“y/n ple-“

the screech of your chair against the floor cut her off, you squeezed your eyes shut tightly and opening them again as your lips quivered and you shakily breathed out, “go and see how she’s doing. although, i doubt she would be crying over it like i am.”

“that’s not wha-“ you didn’t hear the rest of it, walking out of the diner without a single glance back at her. you let out a sigh of relief, relishing in the way you felt as if a weight was lifted off your shoulders, and ignoring the ache in your heart that still bothered you.

do not shit on aeri SHES BEING A GOOD FRIEND TOO (for karina) shes trying her best

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[dollywheeler]

October 24th, 1996

Mike is such a DOUCHEBAG! What? Just because he’s back in town he thinks he can dictate how I live my fucking life?! I knew this would happen! Knew he would just go back to looking at me like the goddamn 5 year old he couldn't give a damn about! That was nothing but a nuisance!

As if I can’t take care of myself! God, if he thinks I give a shit about his opinion he’s going to be sorely disappointed! Sure, not jumping four feet in the air and possibly breaking my neck at seven in the morning where no one will find me for at least another hour, made sense. That I can place and admit to being dangerous! But just running? What? I’m so fragile I might twist my ankle?

Fuck, and the way he yelled at me? Like I’m some dumb child that should know better?? I do know better! Which is why I always leave a note with my exact route and expected time of return - not even because I think anything might happen, but because I have common human decency and don’t want mom to worry when she wakes up to find me gone! Something he could’t give a rat’s ass about!!

Seriously, it’s so fucking rich that he thinks he has the right to scold me about running around Hawkins - Hawkins of all places, as if there are more boring towns than this! - in the dark without adult supervision! I’m so mad it’s insane. I don’t think I’ve ever been this pissed off before, it’s genuinely quite impressive.

To think that an hour ago I was so content to wake up early and go for a run before school. I was in such a good mood too - he ruined it.

He just doesn’t understand! I already can’t practice my routine - not the full, difficult parts of it - so the least I can do is work on my cardio and stamina! But when I tell him that he’s all like “just ask a friend to come along next time!” And I try to tell him that’s not an option but he just - ugh. He doesn’t get it. There’s no point in practicing extra when everyone knows you’re doing it. It will just make everyone think I’m being a try-hard or a suck-up or whatever! Or just think I’m being weird for needing the extra practice!

Great, now I’m crying again because I'm pathetic! Fucking Mike. Fuck this shit.

Okay, so I didn’t actually finish this entry, for many reasons. I didn’t even start it properly - not that the “dear diary” really matters, I guess, but it’s the principle of the thing.

Anyway, even though it’s been hours, I’m still pissed off, don’t worry, but at least now I have the time and state of mind to finish. I’m skipping English as I’m writing this down - I know it’s terrible for a lot of reasons.

1, my school record, but what is Mike going to do? Report me? Fuck that. And fuck him.

2, It’s letting him win. I recognise that. But I guess I’m weak because I really can’t deal with seeing him right now. God I hate him.

3, Danny is probably wondering where I am, which means I’ll have to tell him what happened.

Damn - maybe I didn’t think this through. I can probably spin it - say I wasn’t feeling well or something. Except I don’t want to lie to him either… Well, it’s not technically a lie. Still, I’ll probably just tell him some part of the truth - he can know I was pissed at Mike. He doesn’t have any siblings but he’ll probably understand anyway.

To think that for a while I considered myself an only child… tragic. I was so fucking close to just having a cool older sister that was too far away to meddle in my life. I was in control of my life - I still am!

Mike just thinks he has a say all of a sudden - which he doesn’t. Two weeks of being civil does not a brother make!

Seriously, it was so disorientating to just be running one minute, thinking nice thoughts, wondering about the english assignment, only for Mr. Wheeler himself to actually see me and come storming out freaking out about me running in the dark! It's Hawkins in October! It's dark all the time!

I was so shocked, I could barely defend myself. God, the neighbours will probably have wondered what the fuck was going on - If our shouting match didn’t wake them I’m sure they’re dead.

The worst part was that I still had to go to school after… I'm sure everyone could tell I was off. Or at least Dylan would have, if she hadn't been a thousand miles away today herself. I'm kind of glad for it. Danny sending me worried glances was more than enough, and just getting to listen to Whitney rattle on about yearbook and today's lunch and whatever else was not living up to her standard was nice. Distracting.

Still, I wish I could just go home already - I want to lie down and mope and pretend like it's still three months ago when Mike was far far away! Then I wouldn't have to deal with his judgement and his meddling and his passive-aggressiveness towards mom and dad. And I could just kiss my boyfriend in school without fearing he might see.

Sadly, I still have cheer practice and I can't skip it. It's already bad enough that Dylan has a brace around her wrist again.

This just reminded me I'm still wearing Mike's bracelet - it really shouldn't make me feel better but it does. It's petty as hell, and he probably doesn't even remember it exists, but whatever.

He should just go back to not remembering me.

- Holly

[shawtythatluvsurgut]

hey guys. i got back from seeing my dad (i was gone all of september doing that) and realized that im $150 short on rent for this month. i lost around 50 subs from that one month i took away and i totally understand and am not mad at anyone for unsubbing, but it’s put me in a pickle for paying my rent in november. by a pickle, i mean that im $150 short. it’s embarrassing to admit this, but i miscalculated when i bought my tickets to stay longer and thought id have enough for my upcoming rent. technically i should have had enough, but losing that many subs really put a dent in my finances. i’m kinda stressing right now so if anyone can send anything id appreciate the help so so much. i will also send personalized content as a thank you. you can also help by subscribing to my OF (im back to posting somewhat regularly) so that we both benefit.

i’m sorry that the disneyland plan didn’t work out. i was looking forward to eating good, way too expensive food, but my dad’s health took a turn. that’s why i made the last minute decision to cancel disney and extend my trip in north cal. i couldn’t get a refund because disney is full of cash cows, so im kinda screwed right now. i’m glad i recalculated before the first of november hit because i can at least try to see if anyone can help.

also, i have video ideas coming to my OF. right now i want to keep my weight somewhat consistent or maybe gain slowly because i, too, have been having some minor health issues (not due to gaining, but gaining isn’t helping right now). I AM NOT LOSING WEIGHT OR PLANNING TO. I am just going to go easy on how fast i gain. i have a stuffing video planned for this month, along with my usual pictures semi-daily.

i just needed to be upfront and let everyone know what is going on with me. my dad is dying, i’m in school and i hate it, school has been taking up a LOT of my free time, i didn’t calculate my money correctly, and i got my meds switched. i feel like a zombie lately. and i may have lost a friendship/relationship that was very dear to my heart in the midst of this stress.

if i had other options, i would choose those first. but, unfortunately, i don’t. i don’t mean to sound like a bum asking y’all to help me financially or sub to my OF or whatever, but im kinda freaking out a little. so if anyone can help, even just an OF subscription, i would GREATLY appreciate it. even if it’s just for this month.

i feel so pathetic right now begging for help online, but hopefully my upfront honesty will relate to someone. sometimes saving is hard and i’m a blonde so ya know i can’t do math and idk im embarrassed. if anyone wants to buy a custom please message me on here or on OF if you’re subscribed. i’ll be putting in the work to try to bring y’all back and keep y’all satisfied. that’s a big priority for me and im sorry again to anyone who subbed to watch me eat at disneyland. i didn’t want to cancel that, but my dad was officially diagnosed with congestive heart failure on the day before i was supposed to fly down to LA and i couldn’t leave him. he’s put in the work to earn his spot back in my life and i couldn’t leave him the day he got that news. i love him and my mom despite any hardships and the last thing i could do was ditch him. i hope me being real helps you guys understand why i didn’t deliver on the disneyland content.

i understand if you are upset and you have every right to be! but i figured maybe being honest about what im going through could maybe help some of y’all build back trust with me. i feel very awkward and uncomfortable sharing such intimate information, but i think it’s what’s fair to all of you. thank you to all who have stuck around <3 and thank you to any/all who subscribe and/or send me money to help me out.

sending so much love to you all, as this has been a hard year for more people than just myself. the world needs a bit of honesty and transparency, and you all deserve that, so that’s what i’m going to give. <3

- Nico

[emanonyourstruly]

Politics, Love, and Uneasiness

So elections happened and I am uncomfortable. Donald Trump is president and I, like many others, hate him. He is a sexist, racist, classist maniac. Politics is important to me. I know people say there is no right and wrong and everyone has a right to their opinion but I'm sorry, so many people are wrong. Twisted.

What is right is that people should be equal and there should be separation of religion and government which republicans have a hard time understanding. Gay people aren't hurting anyone. Immigrants aren't hurting anyone. Muslim people aren't hurting anyone. Black people aren't hurting anyone. Women should be able to choose whether or not they want to keep an already dead baby in them or not.

My girlfriend- who is not really my girlfriend but my ex but we still love each other bla bla don't judge me- didn't vote. To some degree, I feel responsible. I joked that what was I gonna do, force her? I already tried to stop her from being friends with a guy, who sold his ex's nudes without her permission, but she looked so lonely and pathetic and she went back to being friends with him anyway so I stopped trying to force my mindset on her. She told me I should have educated her and pushed her to vote. I told her that maybe I should have, but it was also not my responsibility. If she didn't vote that was her own choice. Maybe she didn't think that it was her problem. She is a rich Asian Christian girl anyway. She never had to work for anything in her life. I'm taking my disappointment and frustration out on her but can you blame me? I'm a poor brown Muslim girl.

And like I said, I am a poor brown Muslim girl. What will happen to me and my family in the future? I rely on a government grant to get through college and I was hoping my brother could go to college with the same grant. College is so insanely expensive it is UNFAIR. no one can defend the prices of colleges. Anyway,

Can someone tell me I'm not crazy for being upset with her when she keeps defending Trump and her dad for voting for Trump? How are you gay and not mad? That just wreaks of privilege. I bet her dad is happy as hell that he'll be getting a tax cut. I am so over this. governments are corrupt. What did I really expect?

I just have a big fear of the world ending and goddd pleaseeee someone tell me that we'll be ok. poor folk. people of color. tell me we will be ok.

This is my journal entry for now thanks for reading if anyone even is.

I'm out :3 with love!