#and i dont remember how i saw it but i took a screenshot and added it to my drawing refs folder

[thetasteofsunshineonyourtongue]

something something I'm going to kill you something something little death etc etc

[naughtless0000]

i played and beat mouthwashing for the first time yesterday. here's how that went..

to start off, i wanna say there's MAJOR spoilers and im gonna be yapping so here we go

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staring off with cool screenshots i took, just so we dont immediately jump off into the depressing yap fest

immediately said "oh boy i love playing fnaf" when i was here (i saw fanart of daisuke and it was him saying 'cmon, its just like among us, you can do this' while crawling though the vents) -

despite the implications i found this to be really fucking cool, but thats just me. and the more you think about it the more games you remember that have a scene where youre going into/coming out of a giant open mouth from the head of a character -

i still cant entirely wrap my head around the fact that swansea has this custom swan key just for him. like, haha, i get it, "swan"sea, swan key.. but where did he get it from? not the key, but the custom holder? makes you wonder how long he's had it for.

-

i couldnt find my own screenshot of him, i dont know where it went, but yimpy........ yimpy.. i have a feeling daisuke drew it, who else would it be -

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ok, now its time for the depressing stuff

god. let me tell you about the genuine distress i felt. i had the isopropyl before it was even mentioned, so the first time i had to clear the foam to get to the medicine cabinet. i was just fucking around a little bit when i was stuck in the game (for a stupid reason might i add) so i just mixed it with mouthwash cause i was like "hey, this will make it actually better to use as real mouthwash, right?" (am i an idiot? out of game, like, am i stupid? do you understand what i was thinking though? the disinfectant? anyways..) and when it made the plain mocktail.. i was like "haha this is funny." and then it quickly became NOT FUNNY. when daisuke NEEDED IT, so i had to take the LONG ROUTE TO GET SOMETHING ELSE. AND I BLAME MYSELF FOR HIS DEATH

i know that there probably arent any different routes in the game and it was meant to happen.. but i feel like i should play it again BECAUSE COME ONNNNNN. - i got it spoiled for me that anya was pregnant when i was looking for the solution to helping her out of medical. which, by the way, i was a complete idiot during that part. all i needed to do was click on a different part of the door to continue the game, so im just stupid. you wont believe my face when i realized how dumb i was. so when she said she was pregnant i didnt have a genuine reaction to it, cause i got it spoiled. kind of the same thing for when we get to see what curly looked like before the game, but it wasnt really a spoiler to me because i had no intention of playing the game when i started seeing content for it. i was seeing fanart, and friends posting about it, but i really had no clue. so i knew of curly, and i started to recognize who daisuke was in fanart, and i knew anya but not her name, but i never saw swansea before i went onto the steam page. daisuke ended up being my favourite character.... we can all just WONDER how im FEELING NOW. technically speaking, everybody but curly does die in some way. so if you have a favourite character besides him, forget being happy- actually, scratch that. if you play mouthwashing AT ALL, FORGET BEING HAPPY. BUT ITS SO GOOD!!!! genuinely!! another 10 dollar indie game that completely ruined me!!!!!! mouthwashing is genuinely such a wonderful game, and i wonder if we could be getting another one? but i dont know how a second game would go. does curly ever get found? since he's in the cryo pod, but also (like i just saw someone say when i was looking up the word for cryo pod..) his injuries alone could end up killing him, right? maybe? he is frozen for 20 years, would that stop the bacteria from killing him? i dont know for sure. -

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before writing this blog, i had another where i was updating as i played the game. here are a few things i said, and i'll be adding my thought now after the fact. -

I HAD EVERY RIGHT NOT TO. I NEVER WANTED TO GIVE HIM THE AXE IN THE FIRST PLACE. -

well. when you show a giant, sharp knife, its gotta be used for something other than cake. time to feast. (IM SORRY.) -

youre just an idiot. click on the door and not just the handle. -

this pretty much sums up my experience playing the game after a while (especially being a daisuke fan) -

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anyways. two more screenshots i took

and thats pretty much it i feel like playing the game again after writing this, so maybe i'll do another post about it take this thing i made before i go

sums it up................

[help-i-need-a-cool-username]

Saw V8 C11

Omg i cant believe they still believed in him

"I used to wear this rank with pride, but now i see it for what it really is: a collar" AHHHHHHHH THATS SO POWERFUL WITHOUT HIM BEING A DOG FAUNAS AND THAT DOUBLES IT

Winter tackling Marrow to the ground and then deeping her voice to say shes taking him to the cells COULD NOT BE MORE STAGED im so happy

Really wanted like a close up of Winter releasing Marrow's bonds and him realizing that shes faking it but not knowing why

While im here are all Atlas uniforms sewed with magnets??? Like Winter just attached Fetch to her back no problem and she doesnt carry her weapon like that so? Like we know Blake wears a magnet backpack (how do Qrow's and Ruby's stay on tho? A belt is not strong enough)

Ruby's run was SO EMBARRASSING i accidentally watched it twice bc i rewinded to get a screenshot of Emerald for art refs

Did the Nora reunion go how i wanted? No. BUT IM STILL SO HAPPY. Ren acknowledging his failings and talking to them as a team and referring to them as a team IS MORE THAN MOST SHOWS WOULD GIVE ME and most would not of had Jaune there AND HE WAS

ALSO MOST SHOWS WOULD NOT ALLOW FOR THE INDIVIDUAL DEVELOPMENT NORA ASKED OF

Not to over use caps bc this whole post is caps but FOREHEAD TOUCH FOREHEAD TOUCH FOREHEAD TOUCH

When people dont kiss it makes the scene stronger in my opinion. Idk kissing just feels like it dismisses everything or its like a shortcut to repairing relationships

Robyn reeling Qrow in YES THANK YOU

We havent seen much of her personally and im a bit excited bc theres so much fanfic of her and Qrow being like a duo but honestly we dont know much of her besides: hates lying, obsessed with the rich-poor divide, is caring enough to make horrible jokes to a sad stranger

YOU KNOW ITS WINTER AND MARROW IN THAT ELEVATOR

Actually what if its the Ace Ops ohhhhh

Watch it be Ironwood and all of Robyn's work is null

At first i saw Ruby hugging the banister and thought that was so unrealistic but then i remember me hiding out on the stairs with my forehead pushed into the hole between the bars and i took that statement back

THATS WHAT A RISK IS RUBY. ITS WHAT YOU LOSE WHEN YOU DONT WIN.

"thats what happened to Mom" *Yang proceeds to start bawling* YES

She wiped her face with her metal hand

1) Yang hugging Ruby was not something i knew i needed 2) YANG'S HAIR SQUISHED!! I hate hugs on this show bc the models are hard while bodies are soft and it makes hugs look awkward BUT NO this time it looked like Yang's body squished a bit and her hair smushed (i am aware it was prob a illusion of her jacket added with rounded shoulders and that her hair was moved behind her bc it has individual sections that can move because she has more "bangs" than the others but still)

PENNY

"Ruby stop me" NO

Ok everyone trying to hold her down was so sad but a really cool visual

I had NO IDEA that was Emerald's weapons and thought it had to of been like Willow or Klein having a secret weapon

So Jaune can really Aura Amp without touching them he just chooses to usually

"Kill me. Kill me" NO NO NO

Nora really was like "we've been through this Penny"

"Jaune! Boost her aura!" "You have a soul Penny, you're not a machine" *hand holding* *everyone hugging* MY HEART OKAY

Jaune held her hands for like a second did anyone else see that?? But Nora squeezing her hand while hugging her with the side of her body was so cute

Side hugs are great AND SO UNDERRATED i cant believe we got 3 this ep

Everyone sitting on the ground together was like a cinematic and metaphorical thing i know but IM JUST HAPPY THEYRE ALL HUGGING

Emerald ive never liked you but im starting to love your character

OZPIN APOLOGIZED

I love how its always Oscar reminding him of things

NEO VS CINDER NEO VS CINDER

I know its not happening bc Cinder is persuasive but i can dream

But seriously what is Watts doing

ALL-IN-ALL i loved this episode. Its was emotionally heavy instead of action heavy but it still felt heavy you know? Anyways i love it when characters are touchy-feely and this ep delivered

[blookmallow]

i finally rewatched Us watching for details... I also took a bunch of screenshots, I’ve mentioned before I live in santa cruz and grew up going to this boardwalk so im obsessed with this movie, I’m going to go try to take some better comparison shots sometime (here’s a few I took before) (and here’s a Tethered mannequin that was outside of the frightwalk for a while. i havent been inside for ages so I don’t know if they moved him inside or if he’s just gone now) (i HOPE they did something with the theme considering the frightwalk is literally a horror attraction beneath the boardwalk. i dont really want to go in there by myself though lmao. not a fan of animatronics jumping out and screaming at me) 

this is a lot, i have many things to say 

-----------------

- the opening news segment is 11 at 11 

- you can faintly see adelaide/red’s reflection in the tv screen, with a toy rabbit (her shirt also has twin lines on it in multiple places but that could be looking too far lmao) 

- in the “Hands Across America” segment (aside from the obvious red figures linked together in the logo) : “from the golden gate bridge to the twin towers” another possible 11/twinning, and it starts in california, which is where the tethered revolution begins 

- on “from sea to shining sea” the exact same coastline image is just flipped 

(there’s also another 11 on the side of the TV here) 

- “This summer, 6 million people will tether themselves together” 

- brief mirroring in the boardwalk ad, not just two girls running on the beach but also two girls with upside down reflections in the ground, 

- fairly obvious one, but “find yourself” (as a sidenote there’s nothing in that spot irl, the roller coaster and the swings are real but there was never a ‘vision quest’ or a ‘merlin forest’ as far as I know and there’s no door or anything there either, the interior shots must’ve been done separately somewhere else) (nothing’s left here from the movie now either, I have no idea when they filmed it because I never saw anything or heard anything about it) 

- adelaide/red whistles “the itsy bitsy spider” when the lights go out in the vision quest - “down came the rain and washed the spider out,” it’s raining outside when her tethered comes up (and she is dragged down). she also drops her red apple on the ground before she enters 

- zora’s rabbit shirt 

- everyone else is eating fast food of some kind, except adelaide, who is eating red strawberries 

as well as being a visual cue, its possible she has an aversion to meat if she was forced to eat raw rabbit as a child

- young adelaide arranging animals in the sand (it seems like some of the tethered tend to mirror their counterpart’s movements, so it’s possible she’s mirroring red, though it’s probably not that likely she’d be planning this early/the dance hasnt happened yet so its probably just foreshadowing) 

- young adelaide very pointedly watches “her” mother crying, saying “I just want my little girl back” - she will never have her little girl back again, though she doesn’t know it (I’m not sure if adelaide still remembers what she’s done at this point either) 

its also mentioned that ‘grandma’ has passed away as of the present time, likely adelaide’s mother (i dont remember if its stated outright but since the house belonged to the grandma, and it’s in santa cruz, that would line up) so. the tethered mother, if she’s still alive, would not kill red’s real mother in the uprising. dont know about the father, or if red knows/cares about this, but. thats there. that also means the original mother will never know what happened with her daughter (likely the father won’t either, it’s not clear if he’s still alive but there’s no mention of him being around/he’s not at the house so it seems likely he passed already too) 

- adelaide, her reflection, and a (not so) itsy bitsy spider 

theres even two spiders, one a toy, one real 

- jason crawls out of a cabinet at zora’s feet and scares her while she’s looking in a mirror (which is also a very pluto-like movement) 

- adelaide finds the toy rabbit in a box; assuming the intro was chronological, we saw “her” with it in the tv screen reflection before she went to the boardwalk, so this was red’s rabbit first (she probably does not remember this, though) (red also later finds this and cuts off the head, not sure why though)

- adelaide “sees” her child self in the room with her (in her memory) learning her dance alongside her reflection

 but the reflection is the one she “sees” looking directly at her 

(she’s also interrupted by hearing her son, above her, screaming because he’s trapped, but that might not be intentional) (though when red comes down here later, she is also interrupted by her son getting stuck in the closet too)

- she’s also wearing a choker necklace with a matching gold bracelet, maybe an allusion to. the choking and the handcuffs, again i might be looking into it too much, but. the white clothes which steadily become red with blood seems very intentional so i wouldnt be surprised if the jewelry was planned specifically too 

- its really hard to see and its a split second throwaway comment but kitty goes “oh isnt that beautiful” showing her the magazine and i thhiiiink thats a white girl in a native american headdress :’  ) probably doesnt have. much deeper meaning other than ‘clueless white friends’ but 

- guy buried in sand comes bursting to the surface again and scares his friends (also eyyooooo you can see the wharf in the background im down there all the time) (sorry this is still wild to me. i grew up here ive been to that beach like 9 million times)

- i didnt catch it and was waiting for it to be shown again and it wasnt and i dont want to go back for it but anyway jason has a drawing of a bunch of people holding hands in a line like the hands across america thing in his room, theres a lot of drawings around and we see his drawing of the first untethered, so he probably drew that as well

- jason has a hard time communicating, but he seems to use drawing as a way to express himself. he doesn’t tell his mother about the encounter with the old man (and only shrugs when he’s asked about it) but he does draw it. adelaide found self expression through dance when she was a child before she was able to talk, so he probably got those traits from her. her voice also goes low and hollow on the line “I just didn’t know if you were lost, or... taken” 

- her voice also gets very strange when she’s talking about her memory of the encounter in the vision quest. low, shaky, harsh. its fascinating hearing how much alike the voices are (obviously they’re both the same actress/if the tethered are clones it makes sense that they’d have identical vocal chords but like. red’s got a fucked up voice. hearing echos of that in adelaide is wild and i didnt notice it at all before) 

- its not clear whether adelaide actually remembers what she did, or even realizes she was the copy - is she trying to protect her family from what she believes was the girl who almost took her, or trying to stop her from getting her revenge? she describes the event to gabe as if she was the one who was attacked but escaped, and im not sure if she’s lying or has convinced herself that’s the truth

something’s going on with jason and pluto too but I don’t quite know what it is. when we first see jason he’s wearing a Jaws shirt, kind of a similar vibe to the thriller shirt, and when the tethered arrive he’s wearing a white tuxedo t shirt, white matching his mother’s white outfit. the others all go off to kill their doubles but pluto holds jason’s hand, sits with him quietly, watches his magic trick, he’s told to go “play” which. obviously has a violent undertone to it but he doesn’t actually try to kill him. i dont even remember seeing him with the scissors. why are jason and pluto different. why does pluto get stuck mirroring jason’s movements even to the point of his death but the others dont. why didn’t adelaide mirror red

i guess its possible its because pluto is the youngest in the family so maybe he hasn’t broken out of his connection yet? they didnt really ever explain how they learned to do that 

and as for the connection with adelaide it. could just be that jason takes after his mom more and zora takes after her dad more but that seems too simple. i mean theres the theory going around that jason was actually switched with his clone too at some point and its got some good points (jason forgetting the magic trick, getting stuck in the closet again, etc) but theres a whole line of logic to debunk that too so its just. What’s Going On Here  

cal 11 

i took the first pic to get a comparison shot at the same place later irl but then noticed the ambulance they come across is the same one (#2) they saw earlier 

pretty obvious but the real rabbit comes out through the picture of an identical rabbit (there’s also probably a “rabbit hole” allusion here) 

i noticed this before too but now i have a screenshot of it, im the rabbit in the background just chilling on the floor during the climax here

- im sure i must have seen this before but i forgot about it. the 11:11 guy’s tethered didn’t have a sign so he just.......carved it into his head

- it never healed, either, he did it badly enough to scar

- red says “I couldn’t stop thinking about you, how you could have taken me with you” - she doesn’t mean adelaide ran off and left her there. adelaide made the choice to trap her in the underground. its possible red might have even been thinking how she would have let adelaide come with her if given the chance, which. i mean, i dont know how her parents would have reacted to suddenly having identical twins out of nowhere, but like. knowing there’s a chance red might have accepted her. and all this could have been different 

this is definitely a movie that’s not really intended to be fully explained, there’s a lot of questions that aren’t really supposed to be answered, but nonetheless one of my biggest concerns is where do the clothes come from underground. red tells us they were all abandoned down there generations ago so nobody’s supervising or providing anything. how do they end up with copies of the clothing their counterparts are wearing. and here adelaide has a messed up faded old shirt that either looks similar to red’s shirt or is the same shirt just badly damaged, she switches it with red’s before she goes out for good so that explains how she gets the new shirt, but where did this one come from. why is it different if the other clothes aren’t

and of course there’s the whole question of “where did they all get these red jumpsuits from” but again. questions that aren’t really the point, i guess

[datingintampafails]

Chapter 22: Jaden*

“Better Together” Jack Johnson

I matched with Jaden*, and based on his main picture, a professionally taken headshot, I got the feeling this guy was out of my league for sure. I matched with him one time, my opening message being about his eye color, with some adjective I cannot remember, but the 24 hour window expired before he responded. A couple days later I saw him profile again, matching for a second time, my opener this attempt was simply “hello again.” He answered with “Let’s hang out.” I ask him about his intentions and he says no clue, asking me about mine. After explaining myself, he says he is “in the EXACT same boat.”

After that, I tried to get him to fill out the dating application. He refused, despite me telling him essentially I’d be asking the same questions anyway. He said he would rather learn about each other in person, which is fair. Since this is more or less the same time as Allen*, I tell him the same thing regarding waiting to get tested before I go out and meet anyone. He says “that’s nice of you.” I suggest instead a virtual drink and he just replies that he hates these times. I agree but acknowledge that at least I’m trying and once I’m negative we can get drinks in person. He asks when I took the test and I admit that I haven’t taken it yet and am getting it the following day. “At least you’re honest” he tells me. I tell him I don’t see the point of lying, which he says is a “good trait.” I make a joke about him being a realtor and that his job is not lying but putting positive spins on things and he finds that really funny for some reason.

I request that since he wouldn’t take my dating application, if I can at least ask him the most important question. He says “Yes” then “I do not like anal.” I sent him a full line of “haha”s. “Oh wait that wasn't the question sorry haha” was what he said next. Funny. “That’s a very important answer too… I’m glad” I tell him. Then I asked the actual important question, regarding children, and at first he said “I want kids, couple, not for at least 5 years or so.” I give him a “womp womp” essentially saying, wrong answer. I explain myself and then he says “Lol that'll probably be my path. [Kids are] too pricy and I want to travel and build my career.” The question with this 180 remains, is that how he really feels or is he trying to appease me? Either way it seems one of the answers was a lie or at least less truth.

After this, I send him five messages, two related to what he said, one saying I like his vibes and want to go out once my test is back, a follow up after he doesn’t reply a day later saying “if you’d like to of course,” and then “officially no rona” two days after the previous message when I got no responses. I figured this dude was bored, but he hadn’t unmatched me yet so I figured I’d still sort of try. He finally responds to that last message with a “yesssssssssss.” He tries to make plans for that afternoon but I tell him I’m working. I ask him about Saturday night, he says he has no plans so far and I say “You do now” with a wink emoji. We plan the night, settling on me cooking dinner and having some drinks at my place. I thank him for motivation/a reason to clean my house. The reason that I chose night, is I actually have a date scheduled as well with another guy for lunch.

He asks me about weed, if I smoke, getting Peter* flashbacks here. In my blurb about my feelings on weed, I specifically tell him “I prefer not on one on one time that someone be high.” He simply says “I dont act like a little stoner but I get it” I ask follow up questions which lead me to finding out he habitually, daily, smokes marijuana. I ask him about how that works during the COVID pandemic, he says that the price has gone up but otherwise it’s the same. I then inquire about what he’s up to that night. No response.

Then it’s past midnight and officially Saturday, the day we are supposed to meet up. I ask ���Sooooo gameplan?” No response. I don’t want to keep messaging and messaging, so I just see if he will come back out of the woodwork. The guy that I was supposed to have lunch with messages me around that time saying unfortunately he cannot make lunch anymore, so that’s cancelled. I don’t see the point in telling Jaden* that my afternoon has freed up or anything like that.

When the day comes, my friend invites me to the beach and I say I’ll come since my daydate was cancelled and “I’m pretty sure that I’m being stood up for my nighttime date as well so I don’t care.” As we drive up to the beach, I see that lady and her two kids from when Ethan* and I was at the beach. I’m sure it's them. I’m weak in my vulnerability so I actually break down and text him, telling him that I spotted them. I do not expect a response. My friend and I had a good time at the beach, but got rained out so our four hour trip turned into only two. It was really hot outside though so we were okay with it being cut short. Still no word at all from Jaden*.

Now when it is 6:30pm, I feel that officially I have been stood up. By this point, I'd already cooked dinner and had finished it, so even if he did magically appear I would tell him too bad. I message him to redeem myself, “Well if you actually wanna meet up let me know. I’m pretty busy so my time is valuable” I also add a stone faced emoji, because I’m sick of this shit, frankly. An hour after that, he messages me “hey!!” I for some reason don’t get the notification, and when I check my phone about 40 minutes later, I just reply “lol hi.” An hour and a half after my response, he gives me his number and asks me to text him. Here’s some screenshots.

My phone rings and it’s him. “Are you in an SUV?” I am and I jump as a figure appears to my left, it is him. The lightning storm going on has transgressed into a full on rain. We quickly hug hello as he escorts me to the door and the safety of no rain.

Once inside, I am greeted by his lab, a really nice pupper that I give lots of pats to. I’m then introduced to his friend. Jaden* offers me a drink, I let him make me a drink with some local rum. It is made way too strong, and I add some of my sparkling juice to the mixture to try and soften it up. It marginally works, but I just slowly sip on it.

Both Jaden* and his friend are outgoing and friendly, we talk about random stuff, shoot the shit. Honestly, thus far I am getting along better with the friend, not in a romantic way, but just a regular way. Jaden* is a little too talkative, occasionally interrupting, and loud. I cannot tell if he is drunk, high, or whatever, but he just seems a little off. Since I have no baseline of what he is like sober, it’s hard to tell. Jaden* brags about me, essentially saying that I was so nice and awesome and was going to make him dinner, which I make a point of adding “oh don’t worry I still made it, I just ate it myself” to be cheeky. He continues talking about miscellaneous other stuff, mostly things I cannot connect to at all, as it relates to other mutual friends the other two have.

He stops at one point and says “oh! You said I have some explaining to do so here you are” and he goes on to say that he went to watch the Barcelona soccer game with friends, and upon them winning, continued the celebration with drinking all day, he repeats a few times, “it’s not a good excuse, but it’s an honest one.” I shrug and say “I mean that’s okay.” He goes on to tell another similar story about when he was in college and skipped hockey practice, again like “it’s not a good excuse but it’s an honest one.”

Then another friend comes by, it’s a female. She is nice and seems to be long time friends with them both. They (meaning the two friends of Jaden*) are discussing plans to go to another bar or something in a little, but they end up sticking around for another hour and a half. Jaden* mentions he’s hungry (munchies??) and upon looking in his fridge, there’s nothing to eat except literally lunch meat. He eats the lunch meat, offers me some, which I decline, and actually goes back a second time to eat the rest of it after 5 minutes. He complains he’s still hungry so I say I’ll look up food options for him. He orders food (McDonald’s) and offers me to get whatever I want, I’m barely hungry so I opt for some small fries and a small frozen coke.

Jaden* has prepared some weed and puts it in a vaporizer, him and the male friend partake, both myself and the other woman decline. He now brings out a guitar and tries to play the beginning of a song, making us all guess what it is. He plays so sloppily and in combination with the guitar being out of tune, I have no clue. He repeats the set of notes like five times before revealing it’s the beginning of “that one Jack Johnson song.” Upon later googling, it was “Better Together.” He asks everyone if anyone knows anything on guitar, I sheepishly go “oh I used to play as a kid, I know like one song.” I take the guitar and play the one song I know by heart on guitar in fast succession, Beethoven’s Fur Elise. They’re all just staring at me blankly, confused that this quiet chill chick just whipped out legitimate guitar skills out of nowhere. I also continue to just strum on the guitar while everyone talks, just to have something to do. Jaden* takes the guitar back to try and tune it with some app on his phone. He complains about how the app doesn’t really work to tune it and that it is still out of tune. The guitar gets put away.

Jaden* now is complaining about how he “ordered his food an hour ago and it’s still not here;” it has been fifteen minutes. His friend believes him; “it has not been an hour” I say so as to not sympathize with him. He is again bragging about me, and talking about how nice I am and that he liked that when we were talking on Bumble. The flattery is something I’m immune to but I thank him. Next he goes into a long winded story about when he partied with Justin Bieber back when he was dating Selena Gomez, “he could have had any girl he wanted at that party” he attested, “but he didn’t and he even went upstairs to talk to her on the phone. Biebs is loyal.” Also don’t really care about Biebs so I was not impressed by this anecdote. We did randomly bond over liking old Adam Sandler movies, specifically my favorite, Little Nicky, and agreed we’d watch that tonight. Randomly his dog jumped up on the couch next to me and I noticed that the dog had a boner, which was awkward and I pushed him away so I wouldn’t get humped.

The friends finally left a little before 1 am, I told Jaden* that I wanted to get going by 2 since I had stuff to do the next day and needed to get back to my dog. He says that’s fine and then gets mad about his food still not being there after at this point long enough to bitch. Now that he’s a little closer to me, I can smell his breath and it is horrid. It smells just like butt. I assume from a mix of the smoke and alcohol he had been drinking all day.

He calls McDonald's and gets in an argument with the lady. It’s really weird and off putting. On the phone he is saying how he’s worked at restaurants and know how the system works with delivery services, and the fact that they’re “still working on it” means such and such. They claim it’s already been picked up despite the app saying it hasn’t. He says he is just going to order from somewhere else. I’m arguing with him that nowhere he orders food from is going to get there quicker at this point and to just wait. Finally the UberEats updates and it will be there in 10 minutes which calms him down. He remembers he has a cookie and goes to eat it. I do find it pro status that he microwaves the cookie for a little bit. He asks me if I want some, I say sure, but then he tries to spoon feed a piece to me. I go with it; the cookie is actually pretty good. He offers me another piece, again spoon feeding it to me. A little weirdly intimate.

We go back to the couch to finally start Little Nicky. I’ve seen this movie countless times at this point so it’s not super important that I pay attention. He briefly rubs my shoulder and it feels good, I try to convince him to give me a full shoulder rub, and offer one to him as well. He gets his, I successfully break out a knot in his shoulder. When it's presumably now my turn, I get that same shoulder rubbed for maybe one minute, then he stops. Disappointing. He attempts to kiss me quite a few times, and I unenthusiastically peck/kiss back, but again, his breath is rancid so I’m not trying to get too close to that.

The food finally arrives. There’s no straws so I tried to open the top of my coke and it accidentally splattered on the (brown) couch. I run to the kitchen to get paper towels and come back to clean it. I apologize and he says it’s ok.

He’s eating his food, and is of course to my dismay chewing with his mouth open/smacking his lips, so if it wasn’t already a no go, it now officially was. I stay with my promise to just hang a little longer though. He snarfs down his food, I eat some fries and eat my frozen coke with a spoon. He’s done eating and we go back to spooning to watch the movie. He keeps lighting kind of humping me, which is just super weird, and I ignore that it’s happening. He seems to be completely flaccid which makes it even stranger.

After maybe 15 minutes, I notice that he’s no longer really laughing at the movie or doing anything, I peer back and realize this dude is sleeping. Great. I just lay there and continue to watch the movie. Honestly, I almost drift off to sleep a few times too; it’s late and I’m bored/tired. I check my watch and it’s now 1:58am. I start to get up and say “ok it’s almost 2, I gotta get going.” He awakens and grumbles at me.

He becomes legitimately angry at me for actually following through with what I said I was gonna do. “What the hell I thought we were gonna hang?” I tell him that like I came over but told him we weren’t hooking up so that shouldn’t have been an expectation. “I see, leaving at exactly 2, wow.” I’m just gathering my things and not saying a word. He mumbles at me and I cannot make out half the words he says, but says something like “I don’t think I’m the guy you’re looking for.” I respond, “I can’t really understand you right now, but yeah that’s okay.” It is clear to me this guy is not compatible with me whatsoever.

I’m still trying to be more or less not a total bitch, so I give him a peck on the forehead goodbye. I was holding my open frozen coke, so unfortunately in leaning over I again still had a little of the drink on the sofa. Whereas last time he was calm about it, now he is pissed. “AND YOU JUST KEEP SPILLING SHIT ON MY COUCH! GET IT TOGETHER!” He is being a jerk and I am no longer standing by and being friendly, “I’m gonna fucking clean it up again chill out, damn. You don’t have to be such a fucking asshole” He repeats yelling at me about his couch, that is the same color as the beverage so besides it looking wet, it will not stain. “Whatever” I say. I double check I have all my things, as the last thing I would want to do is have to come back here to get a belonging of mine. He is staring at me as I do this like “hurry up and leave. ”As I have my things and I’m about to head out the door, he randomly becomes nice again, “alright catch you later” “probably not,” I respond as I close the door behind me.

I shake my head to myself as I leave and at least the rain has stopped. I actually even feel tears sort of welling in my eyes. I am tired of having such terrible experiences, getting slack from guys I barely even know, having to put on a smile, some make-up, and put myself out there, just to be treated like shit. I drive home without incident, I think about blocking his number, but I figure that can wait until tomorrow. I get home a little before 2:30am, greet my dog, let her sniff me since I smell like another dog at this point, before changing into my pajamas again.

Later that morning, I get a text from Jaden*:

I have no reason to continue the conversation after that. I figured I would be honest because, why not. If I can at least try and teach him a lesson for the next woman, then my suffering will not be for nothing. Another night I won’t forget, similar to Peter*, but at least he did have a clean apartment before I came along.

[todancealongthelightofday]

Well.

It's official. I’m off facebook. I had to. I can't continue to hurt myself obsessing over what you're doing and what people are saying about me. I can't be worried about every post I make and who may get upset or how much of my personal life I accidentally reveal. I'm struggling with myself to not give into the temptation of being petty. I want to show every single one of those girls you added this week all of the screenshots I have of you being the absolute worst. I want to tell your family that you never “went so hard” on me because I was “pulling some shit”. that never happened and you know it. You sit alone, bored, with a dry phone and so you decide to “miss me” and apologize and make all these promises that things will be different. The same promises that ive heard 1000 times already. Nothing was ever different. Just last night, when you accused me of so many things, you yourself were lying to me. Your snap count keeps going up, yet you yell at me that you're not talking to anyone and you'll delete snapchat. Why would it matter if you deleted it anyway? you just redownload it when I'm not around, just like you always have. Thats the thing. The trust is gone. You've used it up. You've taken every bit of trust I have and shattered it. I can't even go to my hometown anymore because I don't know who I can trust. Who you've poisoned. I know you're not telling anyone what really happened. I assume you're spinning a narrative along the lines of “she couldn't handle me being gone all the time and she was being a bitch so we broke up” instead of “I was unfaithful the entire relationship because I have a sex addiction, but I stopped wanting sex with her a long time ago. I also stopped loving her the way she craved to be loved. I stopped kissing her. I stopped calling her beautiful. I stopped enjoying her company on the couch for a lazy movie day. I stopped appreciating her as she held down the fort while I went away for work and flirted and partied and ignored her. While I was gone, she was at work or at home. She was paying bills and calling plumbers and yard workers, and getting estimates on fence work and painters and floor replacements. She was cooking and cleaning and caring for our dogs. She was allowing others to stay in the house because they fell on hard times. She was rehabbing baby animals and getting broken glass doors replaced. She was doing everything she could to bring light and happiness to everyone (and every animal) she could. And she was doing it all while being neglected. Doing it all for me while I was going out and disrespecting her and our commitment.” I know thats not what you're telling them, but thats the story id really like people to know. I want them to know that I cried myself to sleep every night that I would call you before bed, after not talking to you all day, and you “had nothing to say. I just worked all day. I'm tired. goodnight”. I would cry on the bathroom floor when you would come home after 3 months and never kiss me or hug me. just walk past me and ask “who's coming over tonight? lets cook!”. I would spend hours steaming floors and dusting fans and washing blankets and shampooing carpets and then I would shower and dress up and do my makeup and wear my best outfit down to the panties, and you would just come home, have people over, get sloppy drunk, and pass out, leaving me to host until everyone left, clean the mess that 10 drunk people and a bbq is bound to leave, then crawl into bed at 4 AM. Then I would get up at 6:30 to start the morning routine. Dogs out. Feed cats. Let dogs in and feed them. Feed the fish and the tortoise. Let the dogs out again. Switch the laundry, unload the dishwasher. You would just lay in bed all day. If you got up, it was probably 2 or 3 in the afternoon and you'd sit on the couch and watch tv while I did your laundry and whatever other things needed to be done that day. I would beg you to come with me for Tyson’s vet appointment, and of course you'd say no. I’d tell you my family was having a crawfish boil and you'd say you were too tired or “dont feel like being around people”. But thats not true, was it. You just didn't want to be around those people. You were always ready to go to bars and drink and ignore me. thats the people you like. the ones that don't know you and that assume you're single because you haven't touched me or kissed me or danced with me once all night. But oh... if Claire wants to dance or if a guy starts talking to Leah, you're on that shit. Cant let YOUR eye candy get taken by some guy at a bar. Yet I was forced to break a mans nose. I was forced to defend myself, because when he disrespected me, you where nowhere to be found. Probably watching some girl, too distracted to know that a man was trying to hurt me. But doing worry. I dealt with it. Im stronger than you think. I made it through all that. I made it through so many nights of hating myself and questioning what I did wrong and why I wasn't good enough. What I could do to be good enough for you. I didn't leave when you invited Linzy to sleep in your bed and stoped coming visit because she would be bored alone if you left. I didn't leave when your snapchat was all women that you would snap all day long and never save anything so I could never see it. I didn't leave when you fixated on the idea of Sadie showing her tits in new Orleans while I stood right in front of you. I also didn't leave when, that same night, you “jokingly” grabbed at her chest and when we went home, your phone “accidentally got left in the bathroom standing up in a strange place and took pictures of her in the shower”. I didn't leave. I stayed and I believed you because for a day or two after an incident you would love me again. you would kiss me and hug me and have sex with me. Then as soon as I believed you, it would stop and you'd go back to your fuck boy shit. You'd go back to “being so tired” that you couldn't call me before bed but you had time to talk to Claire and invite her to your hotel room. You couldn't be bothered to give me the attention I had been begging for, but you could find time to snapchat my sister and “dare her to flash you as a joke”. Or what about the time you “accidentally” sent her a snap of your dick in the shower?! I am so angry and so hurt. Honestly I don't even remember what the point of this post was. Its gone from having a purpose to the words jus falling out of my heart and into my keyboard. I know I made the right choice. I saw something earlier that said “Sometimes you have to break your heart to find your peace” and honestly that is what im doing. Im so hurt and so scared and I feel small and lost, but after typing all these things, I remember why I left you. I know these negative feelings will pass and my life will get back on track and ill be happy and I know that one day I will find a man that knows how to love. A man that knows how broken I am and the trauma that iv gone through and he just supports me and loves me the way I've always wanted. So im deleting facebook so that I am no longer hurt by all the lies you're spreading and all the women you're fucking. Im choosing to fix me. I am choosing to stand myself up and climb out of this rubble and keep moving forward. Im choosing to start putting myself back together so that when that man finds me, im ready to let him hold me. Also, sorry to anyone that gets stuck reading this. It is word vomit on a page and I apologize for my shit writing and rambling. I just kinda let myself type whatever came out. This is my life. this is me. Well. its at least the tip of the iceberg of the hot mess that is me. 

[inkskinned]

literally just a dumb unorganized list of school tips

source: im a grad student. i’ve had a lot of school. also i’m adhd & mentally ill and require +8 organization. this is mostly directed @ college students, but maybe high school students can use it too, fuck, idk, it’s been forever since i was stuck in that hell hole

just say “professor” either ur using the correct title for a person (will make them feel good) or you’re giving them a bigger title on the assumption they deserve it (which will make them feel good) and also prevents having to ever i mean ever use their names

talk at least 1 time a week in each class, aim for 1 time a day. even lecture classes. i fucking hate talking in front of more than 5 people, so what i would do is prepare a question about the hw/etc (even if i didn’t need it answered) to ask the professor after class so they saw me and got used to me and saw i was invested in their class. about 89% of teachers - if they see you try, they will pass you. i mean it’s literally that easy. i know people who went from like a c- but because they legit tried, their grade got bumped up to a b-. 

if u have to bring a laptop, pre-download the required material/screenshot it, and then turn off your wifi. it’s too easy to not listen.

physical writing will always give you more information recall over typing.

nobody cares about stupid shit anymore trust me they don’t remember that you were accidentally locked in a towel out of your room bc they have their own dumb shit that happened.... in college all the “cringe culture” turns into “god i wish that were me” culture ... wear ur onesie to a party trust me you make +800 friends and 799 of them will be girls telling you you’re adorable and they’d die for you

about locking urself out.... if ur like me and can breeze past post-it notes placed in obvious areas, don’t be a dumb bitch and rely on post-it-notes. while most schools offer 1 free lockout, dont rely on it - it once took 2 hours before someone could get to me. i was in a towel, which meant no phone. so like. anyway, what i do now is i put something on the handle of the door i have to open/unlock. i can’t just open the door w/out the thing falling down and making a loud “you dumb bitch unlock the door before u shower” sound. 

this works for all important don’t-forget it things. other obstacles i’ve used to remind myself to do something include: putting a chair with my wholeass posterboard in front of the door, an entire printer with a single piece of paper that just read “for the love of god check to be sure you have that essay”, and a recycling bin i kept forgetting to empty. guess what bitch finally emptied the bin once it was between me and a swift exit!

no offense and like the whole “it’s the best years of your life!” thing is great but in reality everything goes better scholastically when you treat it as “i came here to win, not to make friends.” i still did make friends, went to parties every weekend, was popular enough i’d be invited to several on one night - but i came there to win. when i put my scholastic life and my mental health first, i went from a 2.0 to a 3.98. yes you can, bitch.

you’re spending the money. don’t squander it. trust me when i say i know plenty of people who breeze through, bc you often can. but like. don’t. challenge yourself bc like. talk about an investment.

if you hate your major, change it. don’t make your life something you can’t stand. on that note, do NOT agree 100% to a track until you have at least some experience in the field. i cannot tell u how many ppl i know who got their whole masters/phd program done, walked into their new profession, and were like, Oh Fuck, I Can’t Live Like This.

college literally offers so many free things and if you’re not taking advantage of them whenever possible i get it but like. try to take advantage of them. this is everything from your gym (which probably has free classes dude) to clubs to like. sober events. these sober events are so ... fuckin good dude i’ve made mason jars with little plants in em... bee aviaries... candles.... go to the free stuff

oh ps on free stuff i wanna say about 4 of 5 days there’s free food on campus just look for things like job fairs, presentations, or discussion groups. also while you’re there at the job fair like. u know, go to the job fair in earnest

i took off 2 years to work and also to just. recover from my bullshit. and it took me 6 years and 3 schools to get my bachelor’s. it wasn’t easy but bitch i lived. there’s no such thing as “too long” to graduate if that’s truly what you want to do.

if on the meal plan, eat as clean as you can the first week. then introduce each part of the cafeteria’s possibly-food-poisoning-creating foods one at a time. give @ least 2 days between each experiment so you know for sure if you get sick what caused it. i literally never eat meat at school but you can still get sick off of unwashed lettuce/salad dressing that hasn’t been refrigerated properly/weirdass things you won’t even think of. this prevents like. dying in a public bathroom.

white loaf bread can be gross & boring. discount bakery section for your slightly chewy artisianal bread needs. if overstale, either toast it or dunk it into water and microwave it (unless u got an oven. use the oven if u can)

steal as many apples from the dining hall/events/etc as physically possible just do it they keep FOREVER and @ some point you’ll be like. fUCK i need a nutrition. ps if you’re keeping them in ur backpack (i wouldn’t keep more than 2) make sure to wrap w/a few paper towels so if you drop your bag you don’t get apple mush

write it all down bitch. “i’ll remember it” no you won’t. unless you are capable of remembering every idea on this list and in order, you won’t remember it. in general, if you write something 3 times, you will recall it correctly at least 80% of the time. i also read it out loud to myself, bc, you know, auditory recall

DO NOT just put your assignment at the top of your notes, unless you’re 100% sure that will work for you. in most cases, it’s much better to have a planner/agenda/place you expect to look for assignments. +7 points if you lie to yourself about deadlines and move them all up.

like not to sound too much like a DARE ad but like. if you don’t like it/don’t want it, don’t fuckin do it. the idea that “there’s nothing to do if you don’t party” is such bullshit. like i promise if you’re like “i am a grouch and want to stay in and binge netflix” about 45 ppl will show up in pjs like “bitch fullscreen it, im a grouch too.” there’s also like. the chance to just.... not overindulge. on wednesdays i have “wine wednesdays” where we sit around and drink a glass of wine while we do our hw. it’s chill and friendly instead of like. drink until u vomit. don’t feel like you either gotta slam the breaks or the gas pedal, is what i mean.

PLEASE know the signs of alcohol poisoning/overdose. most schools have a “Safety Always Matters Most” policy, which means that you can call for help w/out getting into trouble. if you think someone is in danger, act. this also goes for making sure ppl get home safe even if they’re just incapacitated, not poisoned. step in, dudes.

also just. notice when ur starting to rely on stuff too much. i’m super easily addicted to things, so i keep a healthy distance from liquor. i don’t let myself “drink to feel better” bc that’s a scary, scary thing to link to feeling better. if you or somebody u know starts drinking all the time/gets anxious if they don’t drink/drinks in the daytime .... get help. schools have counselling services for a reason.

you’re gonna get a cold/flu of some sort in the first 2 months just brace for it. in the meantime, drink vitamin c, try not to touch too many handles, and when people say “there’s something going around” believe them.

watch kaplan nike just do it 

if you can teach it, you know the material. a super good way of knowing if you studied the right way is to try and teach the material to a stuffed animal/imaginary class.

“i don’t know how to study” bitch me too the fuck. this is usually bc we’ve been taught that studying is just sitting down and staring @ ur notes. it’s not. it’s different for everyone, and you need to understand it’s 99% preventative care. if you don’t go to the class or do the homework, studying is going to fucking suck, bc you’re learning the material all at once for the first time. the place you should consider “studying” is “i’m confident in 70-90% of the material, but need to review.” do not let yourself fall behind .... just go to office hours and ask questions if ur not getting something. studying should feel like you’re remembering what you already knew but kinda forgot, not like you’ve been blindsided.

the whole “writing it down in ur own words” while u have been told this 700 times it really helps bc it means u gotta translate it through your own understanding. if you can’t, and it’s not bc the material seems too obvious to you to state in another way - ask yourself if you don’t understand the material. chances are u are missing a bit of info.

i know it’s like A Thing that Some People do but i never had the mental health points for it but i know some people just take 15 minutes after every class to review their notes. since i’m 100% early to every class ever, obnoxiously so, i try to do it before class. having the last class’s notes up in my head super helps. like. put down the phone i know you’re socially anxious me too but review those notes. chances are if u start flipping through pages other ppl will too. this is also fun bc as soon as you start this whole thing, at least one person will be like “is there a test?” no bitch there’s no test but im gonna be ready when there is!

literally so much of success is fucking posturing i could link about 800 peer-edited studies that show that when a student is expected to do well (and knows they are), they do well. like i literally didn’t change my appearance at all, never bothered to look nice (once winter hits i wear 67 layers all the time), but when i showed up after my 2 years off from school, i presented myself with the whole “i came here to win” vibe and people... really respected me? i mean in hs i remember ppl saying shit like “yeah, well, you aren’t gonna have the homework”. by the time i was in college i had an honest-to-god conversation which included someone being like “so tell me what you’re overachieving at right now” like they just expected it from me. wild.

i live by “bite off more than you can chew, and then CHEW IT” but it’s probably unhealthy. the truth is that i have a lot of energy all the time (lmao adhd!!!) and i used to get told i was “trying too hard” and for a long time (still???) i didn’t (i don’t?) know what that was, you know, bc i had a D average, clearly i wasn’t trying. it turns out i was just. putting all my energy into stuff that wasn’t making me happy like toxic friendships etc. when i decided “nope, all this energy is for me and my schoolwork”..... uhhhhh suddenly i was a golden child and everyone praised my try-hardness ... it’s a fuckt up system tbh

take at least 1 class just for fun. i try to do that every semester. it helps break up all the requirements. if you’re like an engineer and got no time or credits left to spend, try to audit your fun course.

make ur advisor love you i don’t care what it takes make them cupcakes show up to thank them i dONT CARE just do it 

the library isn’t always the best place. if i start getting anxious bc i pavlovian train myself that library=work, i find a new place to go to do hw. try to go outside if you can!!! not like where i live bc like it’s snow all the time but try. a little green really really really helps depression. 

if you’ve been in the same “Studying” place for 1 hour and haven’t done anything the chances are Something Isn’t Right. first, look @ ur body. are you not focusing bc of some pressing physical need? sometimes just taking a shower and coming back helps. are you uncomfy? are you too comfy and going to sleep? if body okay, look @ the material. do you not understand it? do you just need to switch to a new topic for a little bit? can you find a youtube video that will help you better understand it? make notes on what you don’t get so you can ask in the next class. if it’s not the material, it’s not ur bod, check the Actual Space. sometimes just getting up, going for a short walk to a new place, and trying it there actually? really works? if none of this is working.... try ur brain next. hardest to reset bc like, what, turn it on and off again? i use things like caffeine, a short workout, a nap, or a podcast all to just... give me a little boost. 

don’t be afraid to leave. i mean this about class, friend groups, and the college ur at. just get up on outta there if ur not feelin it. i cannot recommend “drop the class” enough. even if it’s a required course see if u can switch the times if u hate the professor day 3 it’s not gonna get better just get the fuCK out

don’t nap in the same position u go to sleep in, nap upside down w/ur head away from ur pillow. don’t ask me why but it works to 1. fall asleep faster 2. make sure u sleep okay at night and 3. wake up less annoyed 

on that note don’t ever do anything in ur bed in a sleeping position unless it’s genuinely sleeping in it. body will get confused. just sit up, lazybones.

when/if the library has those therapy dogs during finals week.... just go pet them make the time for it

ask before hugging people, but don’t expect a “yes”

get a backpack that fits and doesn’t hurt ur back u fuckin hippie idc how cool it is to wear ur backpack super low just don’t do it it’s not worth it

the tutoring center is a fucking goldmine.... free essay edits my dudes

bring a fan dorms are always hotter than u expect

switch dorms if u can if u realize ur in the wrong room/wrong roomate like just don’t bother with nonsense

when in doubt, follow preschool rules. tell ppl when they did something cool, just ask when u need help, and be confident even in your mistakes, because at least u tried

[pigstepmp3-moved]

the writers really did buck dirty in s01e02

its the post you’ve all been waiting for—my Aggravated Analysis Of Everything That Makes Me Mad about the Therapy Scene tm, now featuring some things that show just how emotionally and mentally fucked buck is. now, i know we All hate that scene with all of our hearts (buck deserves to have a Good experience w therapy for once, but thats just my opinion), but i wanna go into detail about what exactly makes me SEETHE about that scene, complete w gifs and screenshots so i can better explain myself. im putting it all under the cut bc its kind of A Lot, so click that “read more” if you wanna read my angry complaining

alright, lets set the scene (i know we’re all aware of the situation behind this scene, but i think its important to remind you all of it). season one episode two. bucks still very much a Huge horn dog. buck has also very recently suffered his First loss on the job and its taking a huge toll on him. i think what’s most important to talk about before we get to the therapy scene itself is the scene where abby’s watching him on the news with carla.

(not the greatest quality, but that doesnt matter). he very clearly looks uncomfortable just talking about what happened in such a Casual, No Pressure setting. he says, “i was just doing my job. i’m happy we were able to help the people we helped and i’m really sorry about those we couldn’t save.” he stutters a few times as he says it, looks and sounds very uneasy, which seems very out of character for him. he’s usually super confident and chill, but as he’s asked to talk about this (most likely) traumatic thing, he kinda clams up, yknow? theres also something in his voice that reminds me very heavily of the way My voice sounds when Im trying to force back tears, but that might just be The Way He Talks

another thing that he says that really stands out to me (i dont know if this is necessarily important to the topic at hand, but i wanna talk about it so whatever) is, “. . . um, i’m sure they’re just turned on by the uniform. you know, i don’t know if they would feel that way if they saw me out of it.” ignoring the more sexual connotations to what he’s saying there, let’s talk about what he most likely meant by that particular statement. he still sounds a little nervous as he says it and kind of avoids the reporters eyes. it sounds to me like this is a rare moment of buck’s insecurities being let loose. “i don’t know if they would feel that way if they saw me out of it.” this implies, i think, some insecurities about like.. every part of himself. it almost seems like, in this moment, he thinks his only redeeming quality is the uniform. which might actually be what he’s thinking right then, ‘cause he’s still trying to figure out how to cope with his first loss. i think theres some part of him, somewhere behind that overly confident persona, that has a lot more insecurities than he shows, but thats a conversation for another day.

now, let’s move on a little from that. what i think is very important and notable about that scene is some of the things abby says after watching buck on the news. first thing she says that stands out to me is, “i’ve been thinking i might want to call him to see how he is.” she’s worried about him. i think she’s probably been worried about him since the first time he was on the news, earlier that episode. and for good reasons, i think, because later on, she says, “. . . he needs help, you know? i mean, he’s got so much pain in his face. everybody’s treating him like a hero. he doesn’t feel like a hero. as far as he’s concerned, the guy that he was trying to save fell.” like, wow, just tear my heart out and stomp on it a bunch, why dont you? its such a wonderful and apt summary of what buck’s going through. to put it rather simply, he’s fucking distraught, and for good reasons. plus, that quote is one of the Big things that influenced my headcanon of buck having depression, and i could probably analyze every single scene bucks in in this episode that have added onto that head canon of mind bc there are at least a couple different things i could blather on about, but that’s some analysis for another post (if you’re interested in me talking about that tho, definitely feel free to let me know)

now, let’s move on a little further to the Dreaded Scene (i’d totally go into the scene that immediately follows the last one i talked about, where buck and abby are speaking on the phone, but i think i’ve emphasized my point of buck going through some shit in this episode to the point where that isn’t strictly necessary). for the rest of this post, i’m gonna kind of analyze every single little thing that buck does and says in the therapy scene bc pretty much all of it contributes to my burning hatred of that therapist.

like, yeah, no SHIT, honey!! as far as we, the audience, are concerned, this is the First time he’s EVER been to therapy. in my own personal experiences, my first time going to therapy was SO uncomfortable. and just looking at buck right here makes me feel uncomfortable, too—he’s fidgeting with his hands, looks to the side, looks down, looks up at her for a moment before looking away again. this boy looks nervous as hell, and for good reasons. he confirms that he is in fact uncomfortable, and then the therapist says, “well, that’s not unusual. you’ve been through a trauma. that’s why you’re here—to deal with those feelings.” remember that, because i’m not gonna go into the importance of that quote just yet.

the next thing buck says is, “uh, yeah, i’m, uh, i’m not really into feelings.” he kind of avoids looking at the therapist as he says this, though not as much as he did in that last gif. but his voice is like... uncharacteristically quiet as he says it.

more!! avoidance!! he keeps averting his eyes, looking anywhere that ISNT his therapist. and at the end of what he says here, he clenches his jaw a little. a nervous tick, maybe? i don’t know. as he talks here, though, his voice is, yet again, very quiet. he sounds just about broken right here, and it makes my heart ache so bad for him

after a brief break to check out what athena and michael are talking about, his therapist says, "i treat a lot of first responders—people who run toward danger—but maybe there's something you're running from as well? what is it about discussing your feelings that scares you?" the answer buck gives her? a very defensive, “i’m not scared.” if youre not scared, then why are you avoiding talking about your damn feelings like the fucking black plague? and when i say that he says it defensively, i mean, like, way too defensive to Not be suspicious

we don’t get to hear anymore about that particular question because next, we’re checking up on athena and michael again, and then we’re talking about something else. the therapist says, "you lost somebody. that's hard."

as he says this, he sounds fucking SAD. he sounds completely and utterly BROKEN. throughout this whole clip, he sounds entirely broken. the therapist asks if this was his first time. he responds with, "i mean, i've had calls where it was... too late, but, uh, but i've only been doing this not even six months. now, i... i just can't shake the feeling that this one didn't need to go down the way that it did." again, he sounds like he’s hurting really badly. this loss is really taking a huge toll on him and that is Very clear. she then asks him if he thinks there was something he could have differently. he doesnt respond, just looks up at her like this:

his eyes are a little red, and it looks like there are some tears in his eyes. like wow, you could murder me and it would hurt less than seeing buck like this

now, the next snippet is about where everything Starts Going To Shit (this is also the part where i start sobbing like a dumb baby, but thats neither here nor there). 

you see that shit right there?? if you listen hard enough, you can hear my heart breaking into a million pieces. from this point on, buck is CRYING. honest to god fucking CRYING. he looks like he’s hurting so badly, especially at the end of that gif, when he furrows his eyebrows. it looks kind of like he’s trying to keep himself from straight up Sobbing. i’m sure it seems almost like i’m dwelling on this for a little longer than necessary, but i think emphasizing how emotional he is in this part is very important to understand just how much the end of this scene makes me fucking SEETHE. this next little bit is where i start to transition from Sadness to absolute Rage

you see that? this is the start of my slow deterioration into madness. up until this point, everything about this therapy session was completely and entirely professional. but home girl decides, hey, yknow whats a good idea? waltzing my happy ass across the room, sitting down directly in front of my PATIENT, and resting my hand on said PATIENT’s arm. i dunno about you guys, but this seems terrible on so many levels that it isnt funny.

now, yknow what happens next? some classic avoidance from our boy. she calls him mr buckley, so he says, "it's, um... it's actually just buck." (after VERY AUDIBLY SNIFFLING by the way, but i digress). he then deflects even FURTHER by asking her if she friended him on facebook. 

“i thought you looked familiar,” he says. he’s no longer actively crying at this point, but there are most certainly still some tears in his eyes.

now, do you know what happens next, after a brief break to check up on athena and michael? the worst thing that could happen happens! i know it, you know it, little miss unprofessional sleeps with buck! and yknow what she says Immediately afterwards? “i can’t believe i just did that. i am so sorry.” like.... no! saying “sorry” doesnt change the fact that you TOOK ADVANTAGE of someone who is CLEARLY not in the right frame of mind to consent to something like that. yknow what he was doing the last time we saw him? crying. bc hes in a very vulnerable place in this episode. and yeah, sure, i guess you could make the argument that he was seducing her a little, but that doesnt change the fact that this is fucked up. now, side note about me, i’m only in high school and i’ve never had any job before, so i dont quite know the ins and outs of the professional world. but i do know a thing or two about common sense, so its pretty easy for me to assume that shit like this is awful on like a million different levels. i think the power imbalance is super clear to anyone who has any number of brain cells.

now, buck being as emotionally stunted as he is, says that she made him feel better (probably just for a few minutes, but thats neither here nor there). and yknow what she says? “you should go.” remember that quote from earlier? the one that i said was important and that i was going to go into later? “well, that’s not unusual. you’ve been through a trauma. that’s why you’re here—to deal with those feelings.” yknow what buck Didnt do? deal with those feelings. he talked about his feelings for maybe ten minutes, and that’s assuming that, during the cuts to athena and michael, the session was continuing and that it wasnt a matter of like, oh, this stuff is happening At The Same Time.

and all that is just During the session. we dont ever see the aftermath of it, we dont ever see buck talking about that session or anything along those lines. and we most certainly dont see him trying to go talk to a different therapist. the rest of what im going to be talking about this post is purely speculation, but i think its highly probable that this could all be canon. like i just mentioned, as far as we know, buck hasnt gone to another therapist after that shit show. additionally, we can also assume that buck really hasnt talked to like....... anyone about the shit he’s gone through, both past shit and shit that was brought up from this first loss of his. so as far as we’re concerned, he’s never properly worked through it all. he’s also probably never gotten any proper coping mechanisms to deal with any further losses. it seems a little too morbid to think that bucks just gotten used to the feeling that comes with losing someone, so i think its pretty safe to assume that, after every single loss he suffers, he gets like..... super fucked up, purely because he never talked about (a), the reason why hes scared to talk about feelings, or (b), how to deal with said feelings, especially when they’re bad. and thats not fair to him!! that loss clearly took a huge toll on buck, Most of the description of that episode is talking about the roller coaster and bucks feelings, but he never got to heal from it. if buck doesnt get something akin to a redemption arc, where he gets to see a therapist to properly work through all of his issues, i’m going to riot

anyway. thats all i have to say on the matter. i’ve been working on this for most of the day because i have so many thoughts and feelings about the way buck was treated during this episode. i will die mad about it. but i think i’ve said pretty much all i have to say on the topic now, so i hope my frustrated rambling was interesting or whatever to read. so, thanks for reading! ♥

[modesty-blaise]

Since I'm curious, what caused you to become very possessive of your gifs? Not out of rudeness but curious, since no matter what you do a lot of them show up in the gif function on Tumblr which automatically credits you at the bottom of the gif.

Hey. Tbh, at first I didn’t wanna bother with yet another anon but since I see no ill intent behind this, I decided to go and answer it. Unfortunately, half-way through I realised my reply is turning into incredibly long semi-bitter rant and expands well beyond calling out just one person in Psychonauts fandom (and yes, this is related to Psychonauts fandom – you do know that these anons are not really that anonymous, right?) so… buckle up! All that beneath “read more”.

I’ve been on this hellsite for like…7-8 years? Maybe more? Can’t really tell cause I moved blogs and my old blog now consists of only 4 posts I’ve made close to leaving so I honestly have no idea how much time I’ve spend here before moving. Anyway, during those few years I’ve spent on my first blog I’ve met a lot of creative gifmakers who enjoyed sharing their love for fandoms they were in. I’d like to point out that this was waaaaay before tumblr created that insert-gif option so, back in the day, the only way to add gifs to your post was to: 1. make them yourself 2. take them from someone else. And a lot of people were taking them from someone else which resulted in many gifmakers giving up on making gifs and leaving fandoms and/or even leaving tumblr – and I’ve had many of my friends give up on what they love and have their games/shows/movies/whatnot ruined for them cause people would not stop stealing from them. And many of my friends eventually left tumblr cause they couldn’t deal with it anymore.

Tumblr adding insert-gif option, in my opinion, honestly, just made it worse for gifmakers. Cause now people had the opportunity to use gifs for their posts, with or without creators’ permission/knowledge, but it was alright and it was perfectly fine cause creators were credited. There’s their name at the bottom. It’s alright. Like… it doesn’t matter if they’re actually okay with people using something they’ve put hours into making or if they’re not – tumblr gives them credit so they SHOULD be okay with it. Simple as that.

Well, we’re all different and some people are not okay with that. I’m not okay with that. It took me weeks to figure out how to use photoshop correctly. Took me countless hours of looking through different tutorials and basically trial-and-error-ing my way through the process. Whenever I make gifs, it takes me hours to record videos and then hours trying to achieve that 3mb limit on gifs (thank lord these days we’re beyond 1mb limit). After all that effort I put into creating gifs for games that I love and enjoy, someone is going to make 2 clicks and have that same gif added to their post, without even asking. So how is that okay?

Back to your question. Yes, “no matter what you do a lot of them show up in the gif function on Tumblr”, that is true and that is something I was aware of when I saw you-know-who announcing they would be starting 30 days Psychonauts challenge. So, hating to see my gifs used against my will, and not wanting to start any unnecessary drama and threaten people in advance with reporting them if they do use them, I’ve made my blog as private as I could. It was only accessible through the dashboard, it was not showing in ANY search engines inside and outside tumblr, and my gifs were impossible to find through insert-gif function – I’ve made sure. I did all that cause I just knew that during those 30 days, someone would use my gifs and I would get mad and I desperately wanted to avoid that (hence going extreme). And you know what happened? You know what creator of this challenge (who prevously already reposted my gifs) did? *drums* They used my shit anyway. :3 They just uploaded it from their computer, where they’ve saved it earlier.

And like… a lot of people see pretty pic and decide to save it - I mean, we all do that. Heck, even I have a folder full of shit I saw online and liked it – but i’m not uploading it online cause I haven’t made it. It’s not mine to share.

But some people are not like that.

Some people see fanart of something they like and they want to share their opinion on it – and instead of making their own post, maybe drawing the fanart themselves, they decide to use someone else’s art for their post. Do they know who made it? Do they have creator’s permission to share it? If the answer is NO, then they should be a decent human being and not do that to creators. Oh, they shared it anyway but now people in fandom are calling them out BUT this actually happened on accident? They know who the creator is but, somehow, they accidentally forgot to credit them? OK, well, it’s possible, shit happens, but they better make sure it doesn’t happen again.

Then sometime later these same people decide they want to make a post appreciating their fav character and they want to include pics cause duh, you can’t have character appreciation post without pics, right? Now they have several options: they can get their own screenshots, make their own gifs, maybe draw something… or they can just take someone else’s creation. Do they know who made it? Well there’s my fuckin name on it, and since they’ve stretched it from 245 to 500px, it’s really hard to miss, plus it’s not like there are that many people making Psychonauts gifs. Do they have permission to share it? Hmmm, nope, didn’t ask me. Is this also an accident? Could be. I mean, I’ve seen stranger things happen, so accidentally forgetting to credit content creators twice… kinda suspicious but still possible. Who am I to say?

Now if these people then decide to make a post appreciating their fav ship and they want to add a cute pic of the loving couple – yup, you guessed it! They can either create something or take something. Again: they know who did? They asked for permission? Got the permission? No?!?! But they posted it anyway?!?! :o Could it really be, that after being called out publicly, after being told that reposting is bad (something that’s very easy to understand), after even having tumblr staff intervene and remove stolen shit from their blog, after all that - could it really still be an accident?

Nah, man.

They just don’t give a shit.

Cause if they did, they’d stop with that crap first time they were called out.

(and if you think Psychonauts fandom is their only fandom and that they’re not doing this crap in other fandoms too - hoooo, boy, do I have some bad news for you! Do you know how many stolen and butchered HP fanart is on their blog? Hobbit stuff? They seem to be one of the most accident-prone users on tumblr. And honestly - it’s a real miracle their blog’s not been terminated.)

Back to what I was talking about - I’m not okay with people using my gifs and I’ve made it very clear. I literally do not give a shit if I’m credited or not, I’ve made it very clear that I don’t want my gifs used without my permission. If you like them and want them on your blog, there’s a fuckin reblog button. It’s sole purpose is to allow you to share other people’s creations. Or shitposts, cause lord knows we all love those.

So that’s why when someone spends hours going through my Psychonauts tag and goes as far as to send me “I love your gifs” anonymous message, but the very next day makes stim moodboard post including one of my gifs, now cut and resized to fit 3x3 format they’re going with, I get mad. And that’s why when someone uses one of my gifs to promote their RP blog, butchering it to fit their aesthetics, and later when confronted going as far as blaming their good friend on it cause god! they’ve had no idea it wasn’t theirs, I get mad. (makes you wonder though: if they friend has such skills, why not making them gifs themselves?)

Like…. I’ve had my gifs stolen plenty of times. I’ve had them stolen for roleplaying, for headers, for imagines, just for notes… I’ve had them stolen by people claiming to run official fan sites (that’s a real wild story but I won’t get into that now)… I’ve seen them on pinterest, weheartit, FB, all those random gif sites… and I’ve seen EVERY. POSSIBLE. EXCUSE. ranging from: “well i found it on google so why should i credit you” “lol dunno who made this but its pretty so im posting it” “ive had it on my computer for years so i don’t remember where i got it from” “i dont know how to make gifs so im using weheartit as a source” “credit to whoever made this” (that’s my fav) to “its just a gif so who gives a shit” (it’s not – it’s hours of creator’s time and lots of love that you’re now shitting on so thanks) and “i have an /illness/ and getting notes makes me feel better so dont u dare blame me for stealing” (I don’t remember exact excuse but it was something along those lines and like… how do you even respond to something that without looking like an asshole?).

And sometimes it really is just an accident. Sometimes people really do forget to credit you and/or ask you for permission. And I’ve had my fair share of those accidents. People in Psychonauts fandom have been using my gifs for various crap but, when approached, they’ve removed it and apologised. And it’s something I really appreciate. (if they actually bother reading this and they recognise themselves: i’m really grateful and thank you for not being an ass)

But you know what I don’t appreciate? People making a call out posts about me, asking about my gifs when they know very well they’re the main reasons why I’m not making those gifs anymore, at the same time failing to address any of the issues I have with them and instead rather explaining to others what happened BUT explaining only the parts that make me look like a villain cause how I even dare be mad about them stealing? How I even dare call them out on it? That is so ridiculous and criminal of me, and it’s so so sooooo bad that they need to call me out. I deserve to be called out by the very same person who’s been stealing my shit.

And their explanation is…well… it’s something.

They were sympathetic and polite? When did this happen? Did I completely missed that part? Please someone fuckin enlighten me with such post/message where they expressed their sympathy and politeness and I’ll apologise right this second.

I told them to “literally fuck off”? Yeah, that did happen, I admit that. Did they bother explaining why I told them to fuck off in the first place? Did they say they were caught stealing from me and had tumblr stuff remove my shit from their blog? Did they get into details of how they demanded the proof of my so very wild and obviously false claims but then when I showed it, they just deleted that “how dare u call me out cause I would never do such thing” post? No, they didn’t and geee, I really wonder why.

Instead, what did they choose to address? Out of all the things I’ve said. Hm? What did they choose? Me telling them to fuck off. Me dropping the F-bomb on them, rudely rejecting their obvious kindness and politeness. Nothing else.

Back to what I was talking about before I got derailed again: no, I’m not mad cause this person used my gifs without crediting me. I mean – I am, but that’s not my main issue with them (and they know it). My main issue is that this is someone who will continuously lie and steal and still deny any of it, even when there’s plenty of proof (and you can always count on me to show up with proof tbh), and then go as far as to publicly ask about my gifs and try to call me out. Like me getting mad that something I’ve put hours of work into, and something I’ve made cause I love the game and I want to share my love and appreciation for it, is now being shared against my will and my knowledge - like me getting mad over something like that is so unreasonable that they need to make an entire post about it while pretending they have absolutely no idea why I’m even mad and why we have issues.

And I have every fucking right to be mad. 3 times is not an accident. 2 times to the same person is not an accident. They know it. But yeah, playing stupid is their defense so it’s not like I expected them to actually address their actions this time either.

And you know what? Just because I swear a lot doesn’t mean I’m wrong. Doesn’t mean there’s no solid ground for my claims. People on tumblr have always been and always will be stealing shit. Sometimes they will credit you, often they will not, and that’s just how it is, doesn’t matter if you’re okay with it or not. But that doesn’t mean I’m just gonna sit quiet and accept someone’s shitty behaviour. Especially when it’s directed at me.

TLDR: giving credit =/= having permission

but my previous posts leading to this ask were not about that

you knew that already

[rqs902]

qcyn ep 11 -- can you believe the finale is tomorrow?!?

this whole texting section was so funnyyyy and i will honorably mention yet again that yao chi texting mc jin in english is so sweet

li ronghao torturing xu longhan iS HIALRIOSUS 

 but i also pity the poor child LOOL

wait can we talk about chen tao’s spelling timao LOL

and chen sijian’s face LOLLL

omg yao mingming’s message is so aww... he mentions liking yixing since he debuted in 2012.......

omgggg fjj and wang yi theyre all so cute and screamy and i loveee 

WAIT CAN WE TALK ABOUT LIN MO AND WANG YI’S HAPPY DANCE

oh gosh the8 is really showing us how hard seventeen works to get their choreo super in sync wow they really must work so hard.... wow minghao giving up the center position bc he knows how important this is to these kids... he deserves more recognition as a great mentor wow

oh my goodness.......... li zhenning’s voice shaking as he says to shi mingze “if you can get into top 20, then you’ll have hope” is.... the most heartbreaking......... knowing that shi mingze doesnt.......... they literally were smiling as they went off into this corner to talk and are crying by the time they come out..... can you just imagine how much sadness and stress is constantly looming over these kids’ heads and tearing down at their mental health?? its all hidden and suppressed, but with really fragile borders, so as soon as you pick at the walls, their raw emotions come bursting through... 

this just reminds me that even tho shi mingze is their cool, handsome leader, hes still the youngest in bg project............

can we please talk about how considerate of a friend li zhenning is and has been?? 

and this all took place before zhenning ever ranked into top 9.... so to them, this opportunity wouldve been really important for zhenning too, bc maybe he wouldve really needed it to get into top 9. but at least we know now.... he has enough popularity that they made the correct choice and hopefully more people will notice shi mingze as a result

ZHAN YU’S ARMSSSSSSSSS bo yuan’s hair!! i really like it!!!! wen yechen in pink!!!!!! his voice is so addicting i just wanna hear more of it... it dont matter that zhenning isnt center, he still shines :)) wait wu zelin’s voice i really liked it in retreat and we get even more vocal-like wu zelin here! thats a realy nice purple on qunfeng, hes really rocking this look SHI MINGZE I SAW THAT WINK frick minghao’s dancing is just so satisfying to watch wowow

man he looks so good

wow i live for random zhan yu reactions (imma just collect them here LOL)

after journey and mc jin’s friendship is so cute hahahaha

ok i see why elle thinks chen tao is a visual

wang zhe and wu chengze have both really improved in their stage presence throughout the course of this show aw deng chaoyuan looks the happiest we’ve ever seen him on stage haha zhou shiyuan’s voice is really so cool 

i guess we’ll never find out why gu landi is in mc jin’s group..... is it bc yao chi is here? im sorry i love this song and i love a lot of the kids in this group but can you just imagine how much better this stage would’ve been if it were with more kids who had experience rapping....? last year’s “zero” stage just made such a bigger impression on me...... this is actually really such a contrast im---

ALKSJDLAKSJDLK CHEN SIJIAN’S RAPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE JUST DID THATT!!!!!!!!!! DID YOU SEE THAT!??!?!1//!ASDLKJALSKJJ OMGGOHS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!! CHEN SIJIAN JUST BLEW EVERYOEN OUT OF THE WATER YOU BEST BET HE DID WOWOW HE JSUT I CANT BELEIEVE HE JSUT INCLUDED AT LEAST 4 NAMES WOW 

IM WEN YECHEN

chen sijian is really the best at writing raps about his bros wow and like also he has the most creative lyrics i really appreciate wow such talent hes amazing!!!

a lost baby..

UNDERAPPRECIATED GU LANDI VISUALS

the face of a legend 

ever since i saw the “time” ballad version, ive had a sneaking suspicion that lin yuzhi is secretly one of the strongest vocalists on this show..... this is the face of talent

idk whose outfit is distracting me more, xu bingchao or xixi’s LOL shao haofan looks so nice here wow and ding feijun is so adorable even tho this is a more mature concept but i still cant see him as anything but a cute child

maybe its the way they cut up the lines but idk this song didnt really show off their vocal abilities that well..... sorry xixi :( i think xixi’s voice deserved better time to shine on this show...... his and feng junjie’s voices are actually both so nice i was so impressed when i saw them singing in the oaca clips

this koala ad makes me very uncomfortable......

wenhan reaches into the box and pulls out..... costco brand blueberries??!?!?/1 hHhahahhahHAHAHHA 

lol yao chi being so sentimental... oh look at this photo of me with bubbles on my face (me: oh no here it come--) OH YEA ALSO CHECK OUT THIS FACE WASH!

wow kou cong!! a face i havent seen in a while aw! i cant believe they filmed all the yaa eps while they all still had colorful hair lol i guess ill never get to see lin mo on yaa /sigh/ or actually any of the tyger members cept jia yi.........

HAHAHAHAHHA YESSSSSSSSS THEY INCLUDED A CLIP OF CHEN SIJIAN’S PHONE CALL !!!! HIS WAS HILARIOUSS!!!! HAHAHAHA I LOVED HOW SIMILAR HIS FAN SEEMED TO BE TO HIM HAHAH 

AAHH AS SOON AS IT GETS TO LIN MO’S ITS THE SAD MUSIC TIME

his was the most heartwarming call.... no bias LOL

feng junjie singing “the great artist” just---

this boy will never stop with the meme faces hHAHAHA

im surprised this section was so short lol i was expecting them to spend more time on this group...

SUN ZELIN SUN ZELIN SUN ZELIN YEA

jolin’s eyes are so wow 

feng junjie with the voice!!!!!!1 

JOLIN THE QUEEN

still kinda wish jia yi had more opportunity to sing on this show......... hes like second main vocalist to zhan yu in tyger but i feel like he hasnt gotten to show his voice much :( he did really well tho!!! he really has impressive stage presence

omg lin mo’s super shy “1 day” ahhhhh 

omg wang jiayi looks like hes about to cry... the poor child....

yixing reaching out to apologize to them.... hes really so caring towards them...... wang jiayi just needs more confidence!! i believe in him too

where did lin mo get this white cap from? lol he chose the pink one..... on a related note, im so happy lin mo got to be in yixing’s group, bc from the beginning with namanana hes really really tried so hard to earn yixing’s recognition, im sure it means a lot to him to be able to learn from him like this and share a stage with him 

yao mingming too, i feel like he really values yixing’s recognition as well

i think all the kids in this group had to have known that picking yixing’s group would be the most tiring and require the most effort, but i think choosing this group regardless just really shows they came here to learn 

A HAPPY BABYYY

omg like yixing is really /teaching/ them and i appreciate that

lin mo and xu fangzhou’s voices!!!!!!

OOF IM SO READY FOR THIS OUTFIT 

ASLDKALSDKJLAK HE WINKED!!!!!!!!!!!

what is this awkward closeup

why does fangzhou have wings lol

i feel like theres a lot of random awkward closeups of lin mo.... should i be happy about this??? LOL i dont think theyre all very flattering but at the same time at least hes got closeups....???? ? ??  

OOF HES GETTING MORE LINES THAN I EXPECTED TOO

you know how ive talked about how i love how much detail lin mo puts into his dancing, including even his slight head tilts? LOOK ANOTHER HEAD TILT 

HAHAHAHHAHA GUAN YUE’S EYES GOT SO BIG HAHAHHAHA OMGGG

ooof lin mo getting to sing the chorus with yixing im !!!!!! im sure hes so grateful for this opportunity wow also i think i mentioned this with namanana but i really think lin mo suits yixing’s dance style, like its a style that hes pulls off really well, so i think he got to shine a bit in this performance :’)

ok i havent said this yet but what is with that thick black fade at the top of the screen its so annoying??? like why you gotta cover the top of their heads??? 

wow we’re really getting a lot of random lin mo shots hahahha is this iqiyi repenting their wrongs from ‘spirit of the knight’ i almost am surprised how yao mingming isnt getting the most screentime but then i remember iqiyi has never favored yao mingming........ /sigh

AYYY WENXUAN AND LIN MO THE BUDDIES

just look at how perfectly tilted / well-positioned lin mo’s head is wow and that gaze wow i just love his stage presence

yea im gonna have to rewatch this perf to gif the lin mo moments.... maybe after the finale tomorrow when ill be like oop lin mo didnt make it in oh well let me just wallow in his talent that the audience slept on by drowning myself in lin mo content (its not like i do that every day already)

LOL THAT CAMERA SPIN WAS SUCH A FAIL YOU CANT SEE ANYONE CEPT WENXUAN ADJUSTING HIS MIC HAHAHHAHA ok on a side note tho im glad wenxuan got to be in this group too!! yuehua’s dancer getting to show us his dancing again :’) and we all know he was discouraged being reshuffled into “maze” and i just wanna say wenxuan deserves more credit for being able to really go out of his comfort zone and pull off the cute concept in “maze” well even tho he didnt want to accept it at first! 

HES PERFECT 

hey yall is it just me or did you see lin mo’s eyes in that really fast flashy bit at the end of the preview for the finale? HAHHAHAHA i couldnt even screenshot it bc it was so fast, but i swear i saw his eyes so i think he was in it LOOOL

JSUT KIDDING I WENT BACK AND TRIED AGAIN AND I GOT IT

I KNEW I SAW HIS EYES HAHAHAHHAHA

oo i havent mentioned this before but i really like the sound of chen sijians voice, even when speaking... 

OMG GU LANDI

OMGGGG MY CHILD YE ZIMING IN FREAKING TARZAN NEXT DOOR??!???

THIS IS TOO MUCH!!!!!!! THANKS FOR REMINDING US HOW IQIYI TOTALLY SLIGHTED THIS BOY OUT OF GETTING INTO TOP 35

aw honestly i wonder if lian huaiwei will really not make it tomorrow.....  

omg sun zelin in the ending credits!!!!

OMG ZHAN YU TOOOOOOO

OOF LOOK AT ZHAN YU’S JAWLINE (ooops sorry yechen ahhahhhaa)

they must really like this part of the choreo?? 

BUT I LOVE THIS LOOK ON YECHEN YESSS

lol is this lin mo’s back

tbh im surprised they didnt include lin mo in the ending credits but i think they were trying to make up for the loss of yao mingming time earlier LOOL 

ok well i have about 10 hrs until i gotta wake up to watch the finale so.... now to go watch fjj and hcx’s goodnight dachang HAHAH

[allftgame]

I posted 9,895 times in 2021

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Longest Tag: 104 characters

#i kept seeing them and just !!! don't do that!!! if i saw someone's phone on the belt i will steal it!!!

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

I think it would be fun to take out leap day and just have our months rotate

5 notes • Posted 2021-11-02 21:20:04 GMT

#4

I took a shower and felt good about my relationships for a bit. You know how that goes

6 notes • Posted 2021-04-17 23:53:44 GMT

#3

hey does anyone know the fic where Neil goes to therapy with Betsy, and they cook different foods? that's literally the only thing I remember about it but it happened often

11 notes • Posted 2021-11-15 23:52:47 GMT

#2

Long shot but does anyone have the discord screenshots of Brennan revealing the rolls and secrets and whatnot in Fantasy High

14 notes • Posted 2021-09-03 20:17:25 GMT

#1

Hi if you're one of these people fuck off, I dont want you near my blog

59 notes • Posted 2021-01-26 00:06:04 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[anonwords]

monday october 12

  i dont really know what to write about since nothing interesting happens often. and i don’t want to write anything hopeful since the virus is still at a critical level in the us, and election day is less than a month away which just adds to the stress and grimness, since all the polls say biden will beat trump but that exactly what was predicted on election day 4 years ago. tr*mp says if he wins, then its the will of the people but if he loses its rigged and he won’t transfer power. they asked this mf point blank to denounce white supremacy and he told his followers to stand by. i hate thinking about all that because it’s scary to think what will happening the future if he’s elected again. im not saying biden is gonna solve everything but he’ll do a hell of a better job than whats happening now. 45 has let 220,000 americans die from the virus, and he might join them since being diagnosed a week ago. doctors say he’s fine but the same has been said about another conservative figure who was just as old as trump. it took a month for him to die, and the last time we saw 45 in public he was gasping for air. i hope he dies that way.

  Omar’s bday was last night and I got him michael jackson’s off the wall picture vinyl. i also bought the cake, which was fantastic. his girlfriend didn’t come, which was great because i don’t know if seeing her would’ve done to me. I didn’t drink, just smoked and we played cards. he was very fucked up off an edible i made for him, with the weed i was smoking. im so happy he liked it. he loved the cake too, which i would’ve baked for him but that would’ve been too much (I still need to maintain a level of deniability when it comes to my feeling for him). I didn’t sit next to him but I found myself staring when i started to smoke, as the strain I smoke, gelato, typically makes me really hungry, and really horny (its the perfect date strain). his lips looked so soft, and his hair is so cute. he says he’s balding but I don’t mind. he’s always going to be so handsome. his mother loves me but i don’t know how she’d feel if we were together. would she let me stay the night like she let his past girlfriends?

  Josh told me he lost his job at amazon because he accidentally left early. Literally probably the hardest worker in the whole damn warehouse, and they just up and fired him. he said he’s gonna find a job and i think he wont ask for money because he had been pulling in a thousand a week at amazon for a while. I want to be up there, and all that needs to happen is that i need to fix my car. then find a job obviously. build some credit, build work history while staying with josh, and we can get an apartment. but I’m still kind of iffy on working. there are the obvious health reasons, and I was making a lot of money on unemployment. when they start giving more again, I’ll be saving a lot. but if i find a job, I will make Significantly less money. and then i’ll start to have to pay for car insurance and rent and i want to get my teeth fixed and it’s just a really stressful time right now. 

  So this week r*an haywood of ach*evement hunter and ad*m kovic of funh*us were fired from r*oster teeth, the parent company of both those properties, for engaging in extramarital affairs with fans of the companies. the first lets plays i ever watched were from ah, since 2013, back when it was classic ah with the classic lineup of geoff, gavin, michael, ray, jack, and ryan. just six guys in a room screaming at each other over min*craft or gta. I discovered funhaus when roosterteeth acquired them in 2016 or 17, and I have been hooked since then. classic lineup included bruce, james, lawrence, spoole, elyse, joel, peake, and adam. much edgier content, and an older demographic. these guys were just on another level of comedy and gaming. this past wednesday, a google drive link was posted to 4ch*n, that included hundreds of pictures taken by adam of himself nude and in lewd positions, all screenshotted by a fan he was sending them to over instagram. there were some photos of ryan as well, and some are alleging he raped a minor, but its all here-say at this point. all the members of their respective groups made tweets talking about how shocked and hurt they were (some were less than surprised and made tweets explicitly calling out adam, and some tweeted cryptic song lyrics that represented the situation well). they say never meet your heroes and over the past five years, i think thats becoming a proven point. Im still attracted to adam, even though i know he’s an asshole cheater. i remember just absolutely drooling over his big arms and chest, and when burnie burns confirmed he had the biggest cock in the company, i was over the moon. well let me just say that’s the last straw for me. no more white men for me EVER. im totally done with them. its sad to see adam leave when so many of the original lineup have gone (its just james and elyse now). it really won’t be the same now. ah will survive this, and i will just have to wait until they put out official response videos up explaining everything.

  it’s fall now, and cuffing season is upon us. I wonder what its like to have someone that is truly invested into you, who make it their business to make you feel cared for. I want the weather to be cold soon, so i can just lay in bed all day and cuddle my body pillow and be warm, and think about my future man and all the ways i’ll take care of him and all the ways he’ll take care of me. i wanna make him soup and bake pies and keep him full and he’ll take me to the pumpkin patch and it will be cloudy and we might even hold hands. just boys being boys. dressed nice and warm with flannels and hoodies and boots. i would even drink coffee again and we’d sit at the coffee shop and hold hands to keep warm. my small hands in his big strong hands. just a thought ive been kicking around in my head.

[skulled-hunt]

Tagged by: @rsbethy

RULES: Answer the questions in a new post and tag some blogs you would like to get to know better.

Nicknames: Skulled, Skull and some otheres i probably shouldnt say here or wish to keep private.

Star sign: Aries

Height: 5′10 or 5′11

Time right now: 3:28 was suppose to go sleep 2 hours ago...

Last thing googled: “sticks and stones may break my bones″

Favorite music artists: None realy, i litterly listen to everything. currently into “Eurielle”.

Song stuck in your head: “Carry me” by Eurielle ( https://youtu.be/vyn8gAYtNu4 )

Last movie watched: Star wars rogue (came back from the cinema 2 hours ago)

Last TV show watched: Westworld (realy suggest you watch it, great mind fuck :D)

What are you wearing right now: jeans, hoodie (and becouse im a rebel.. no socks mid winter!)

When did you create your blog: Cant remember when exacly probably mid 2016

What kind of stuff do you post: Runescape stuff, altough im thinking of adding some othere games since im getting into borderlands 2 / smite right now. (feedback on that please :p)

Do you have any other blogs: Nope, im finding it hard to keep content entertaining as is. im trying to take better screenshots tho :)

Why did you choose your URL: Skulled hunt = username in rs

Gender: Male

Hogwarts house: Ravenclaw, altough i do enough stupid shit to probably be classed as huffelpuff XD

Pokemon team: I Like the name “instinct” and i saw an awsome cartoon a while back wich gave me chills. V

 http://kujirashonen.tumblr.com/post/149393940273/finally-got-this-out-at-last-took-a-while-to

Moral alignment: Good unless there were no consequences, then i would go full evil.

Favorite color: Deep dark red

Average hours of sleep: 6 probably and yet every one seems to think i sleep 10+

Lucky number: Dont have one realy, i guess 7 since thats most frequent outcome when rolling 2 dice.

Favorite character(s): Clap trap - Borderlands 2, Naruto - Naruto shippude, Will Smith - tv/movies, Skulled Hunt - Runescape (such a handsom character), these are just a few tho.

How many blankets do you sleep with: 1 thick special one becouse im alergic to breathing pretty much. Shit’s a struggle yo!

Dream job: Probably vlogger. Altough my life is not interesting enough, i like being me and would love to be myselve and get paid for it. Alternativly id like to get into the film industry.

Following: 28 following and 49 followers. Been waiting for the 50 mark to say a thank you but people come and leave quite easely. been stuk on 48-49 while i gained 3 followers past 2 weeks :p Tagging: @rsmikey becouse i wana know who the man/woman behind the recolours is + its nice work.