#and i dont really privately talk to most of my mutuals

[thomasthetankengine]

mutuals please dont unfollow me for inactivity. im still here, i just cant hold myself together very long on here. i dont know how to be the person i was here. i promise ill come back and speak and reblog and do more than just like posts here and there, its just,, ive had one of the worst decembers in my fucking life. my foster parents are dead, and it just keeps hitting me over and over and over and over, and in the end i just barely have energy for communication and work. theres not enough left of me to maintain tumblr right now. but im still here. ill come back, and ill be here, even if im only watching quietly

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for talking shit about and leaving a friend with severe mental health issues?

(CW for mental health issues, self harm, and transphobia)

For context, everyone in this story is pretty young, in Year 11/12 (American equivalent would be sophomore/junior year) and we live in a pretty religious country

I (16M) met a friend (15F) through her approaching me and saying my pins (including a pride pin) was cool. We clicked immediately, i went over for sleepovers and became close with even her mom. I only once brought up politics offhandedly, and she got quite uncomfortable, but i thought nothing of it at the time.

She constantly told me that I was her only friend who "understood" her, and would be there for her, so I never brought it up again. However, when I was introducing her to another friend (who is very gnc and identified as transfemme at the time) we opened up her youtube reccomended and it was quite literally disgusting.

JK rowling, terf videos and tradwifes galore. Candace Owens, Ben Shapiro, you name it, she had literally nothing except videos titled shit like "trans people mutilate themselves".

I was very hurt, because I happen to be trans, as well as most of my friends and my partner. I questioned her, but she pulled the "mental illness" defense. I was scared of her hurting herself so i apologised (to my other friend) and tried distancing myself from her, admittedly made a few jokes at her expense to others.

She began being more radicalised, positing insane, borderline qanon stories, but my plan to cut her off was interrupted by her going missing and me having to be the one coaxing her back to school, i felt she was too dependant on me to be as harsh as i shouldve been.

The final straw came when she 1) said she thought of my (healed) scars as something that encouraged her to self harm and 2) when i found out she outed me and my partner as T4T and queer to a random transphobic youtuber to put in a cringe compilation. this was not only immature but really dangerous to us.

Heres where I might be TA: my partner confronted her because he was worried about my mental health, and she apparently showed up to school and cried. I felt bad, but when i first found about it i laughed about it, and didnt support her even when i knew she had no other friends.

My partner asked her to either stay away from me or not express her beliefs, and as a result she called me crying that night, borderline suicidal, and in a panic I soothed her and said I wasnt going anywhere. A couple days later, a mutual friend sent me the screenshots of her outing us, and I think that sort of made me snap.

She used her religion as a shield against finding us "disgusting" and wanted a video made against us etc etc, describing horrible statistics and threats, describing "mutilation" and I felt like i couldnt endorse that attitude towards trans people in good faith, so i argued with her over text, with her accusing me of manipulating her multiple times.

Again, I mightve fucked up here because I called my friends while texting her and talked shit about her during this confrontation, sending screenshots of our private dms to them, and afterwards she became a bit of an inside joke within our friend group- she also left the school because i think she had barely any other friends.

I cant help but feel like i shoudve been more mature about it, and especially because she was ill, i dont want to be That Guy that makes fun of vulnerable people, even if she sucked herself. So, tumblr, AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[nereidprinc3ss]

making this anonymous because i want to be a sneaky girl… i fear you’ll probably know who i am and if you know pretend u don’t because she’s not me i promise LOLLLL but i liked part 7 a lot i really liked how there was a big emphasis on how they’re doing this because they love each other i thought that was really sweet 😭 i think for me personally i’ve always had this thought of if a man wants to have sex with me he sees me as an object, so i’ve always kinda opposed the whole sexual thoughts thing but while reading dybmn (not to say blah blah fanfic cured me blah blah blah) it helped me realize you can have those thoughts and feeling for someone while simultaneously loving them and that doesn’t make you a bad person, i appreciated how much that showed in part 7.

(ALSO COULD BE TOTALLY WRONG ABT THIS NEXT PART DONT CANCEL ME I KNOW THE DYBMN ARMY ANALYSIS THESE FICS TO PIECES SO IF IM WRONG PLS IM SORRY this is just what i gathered)

what i think made this part different from the rest (besides the loss of virginity thing) is that if i’m not mistaken this was not only readers first time having sex, but spencer’s first time having sex with someone who mutually feels the same way about him COULD BE SOOO WRONG but with the whole elle thing and then him just having a slut era where he hooked up with a bunch of women i just assume he’s never had sex with someone who is in love with him but i’m sorry if i am missing something 😭😭 obviously they did like hand and mouth stuff first but they were both under the impression they either felt differently about each other, or weren’t aware of it yet. so i thought it was really cute how they kept saying i love you because i’m sure having that emotional factor changes sex but what would i know LOLLL it was just special to me💕 anywho im done yappin now, have the most perfect night!!!!

OK OMG IM GONNA TALK ABT THIS UR BRAIN IS SOOOO HUGE

that was one of the most important parts to get across for me. i think porn and smut have really fucked with people’s perceptions of sex and obviously i am contributing to that in my own way but i REALLY wanted to write something where it was so clear that the love came first and was far more important than the sex, but also that they intertwined so much, like the sex was an EXPRESSION of love. and also even though reader has been beggginggg spencer to fuck for like ever, in MY opinion she subconsciously wasn’t actually ready for it until now. she basically wanted to have sex because she was worried abt what other people thought and wanted to appease her insecurities but for both of them, having sex was really about love which is always my attitude towards it as well, i am very anti hookup culture being the dominant way people connect and obviously do what you want but i hate that now it’s the expectation that you aren’t or even shouldn’t get attached to the person you’re sleeping with. so basically this is propaganda and me furthering my own agenda. i don’t think sex has to be “dirty” or warrant guilt at all, it can be something (we’re getting corny🚨🚨) that is JUST for you and your partner, not performative, and done because you truly love each other. like to me that’s so romantic—eliminating all outside influence and being very private bc it’s this one incredibly intimate thing you share only with each other. obviously this will not be everyone’s perspective but i find monogamy and commitment soooo sexy lol like make each other feel special!! that is so cute!! choose each other and share things you wouldn’t share with anyone else!!!! i love it!! sex when u love someone has like nothing to do with our societal perception of sex and it sucks that we’ve like bastardized it so much

[glsneeg-enthusiast]

update 11/21

actual serious pinned because some people dont Understand the other one apparently. i talk about serious things and that does include gore and essentially anything that would need a tw. huge gore draw-er also. serious things basically. most if not all portrayal of mental illnesses is based on my own experiences so do not come here saying you dont like how i show it. that being said my blog is not all entirely about that and its mostly silly and or shitposts actually. also i actually dont usually tw things uhmm. were playing roulette here. basically if you get triggered by anything i wouldnt recommend being here its always a 50/50 on if i post something silly or traumatic. dont vent in my inbox unprompted i do not fucking care i will not respond and you will only make me uncomfortable. dont be weirdly sexual at me!! i am a minor!!! i dont fucking care nor want to hear about your sex life or about your fantasies or your private areas!!!!!!! dont shove weird relationship statuses onto me either. i am not your family i am a stranger on the internet

do Not post my art uncredited unless ur a mutual or i say its fine im serious idgaf if its just a silly doodle

standard dni i guess. racists terfs homophobes proshippers zoophiles. all that. also people that ship Real Life People Instead Of The Characters. youre all fucking weird and i dont want you here ill actively make fun of you and then block

i am pro endo and i have endo friends so if you dont like that its ultimately up to you if you wanna be here or not. most htfasj fans have me blocked but if you are one and you dont ur on thin ice bro. im not forgiving any of you for fucking jumping me for saying i wasnt a fan of it. also please for the love of god if you ship glsneeg with any of the other characters do Not talk to me about it because there is a good chance i will throw up in my mouth and block you. glanboo/hetch shippers on thin ice. guy who came up with that kind of ruined it for me and now it just makes me feel uncomfortable most of the time

i have autism and im gay and i use faggot. i have some other problems that will fuck me up or that ill talk about sometimes but thats all you really need to know so im not going to dox my medical problems here

less important stuff under cut heart emoji

nearly everyone i interact with calls me sneegen. idc if new people do its basically my government name atp

this blog is genloss themed but also i talk about my genloss ocs more than the actual thing now 😓 still a huge genloss fan but sneeg and frank are the only guys ill ever talk about in there and i will throw up slash negative if i have to talk about glanboo. do NOT come here asking about glanboo unless ur a mutual im serious. i take sneeg/frank and the horror that comes with it so violently seriously and overall theres a few genloss ships i like so if ur one of those guys that think any shipping is weird you probably wont like it here. also i usually dont use any of the main tags for. anything i post. if you wanna find something youre stuck to manually searching just like everyone else sorry

kind of multifandom i guess. i have moments where i get really fixated on other media and i post about it for a bit. sneegsnag is usually a common factor in this. heavily into marble hornets creepypastas tmnt dantdm jacksepticeye and markiplier. both of their ego content and any of marks projects by extension. not into ethan nestor As Much but he is included and so is blankgameplays. i like qsmp but if i talk about it its only ever abt qsneeg or qcharlie or qdantdm and his family sometimes. osmp enjoyer but again ill only talk about sneeg if i talk about it at all

the biggest music enjoyer in the world guys. not a professional but i will talk about songs i like sometimes. tfb and teenage disaster mostly i think. maybe typhoon and bcnr also. maybe even alot of midwest emo because im a loser. im literally tfbs biggest fan guys

for my dumbass ocs i do talk about and draw them Alot. and theres alot of heavy stuff in their stories so like. if you get badly triggered by gore or murder especially i wouldnt. recommend reading into them too much. but idrk why youd be here if you did thats like my whole thing really. i dont usually talk about the actual triggering stuff in their stories i think at most ill make a vague comment that implies something but thats about it

you are allowed to draw and write and make hcs and aus for my guys i actually actively encourage it and also show me when you do i think its wonderful. ill talk about them forever if you ever wanna know something just ask and theres a 85% chance ill actually answer it

the only things im 100% serious about for my ocs is that theres canon ships for a reason. i do not give a FUCK if you think a different one is better or interesting because its not. if you come into my asks shipping anything that isnt canon im actually going to block you. im very nitpicky about this because they are My creations and every single thing about them is heavily important to me. also if you baby or demonize any of my ocs im allowed to kill you legally btw.

I DONT GIVE A DAMN IF YOU WANT MY OCS CARNALLY!!! there are certain times where i wont mind if you say stuff like that about them just DONT TELL ME ALL THE TIME!!! it is funny sometimes and sometimes i may encourage it but please god dont tell me how you want to fuck them in graphic detail unprompted. also if thats the only thing you talk to me about and you dont actually bother to know them as characters i will probably block you!!!!

if you want my ocs included in your oc lore please just. Talk To Me. about it. please. if youre normal and dont violently misinterpret my ocs ill probably be okay with it just TALK TO ME ABOUT IT

heavy encouragement to use all your braincells to interpret my ocs characters properly. idk how much more mischaracterizing in my inbox i can take

[thasorns-moved]

tag game ✨

I got tagged a long time ago by a mutual who went private... it's friday night and look at that I HAVE some time to do it :)

1. why did you choose your url?

just look at Emi and then we can talk again. Have you seen her? <3

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them.

juhotonin - is a kpop blog (even though I neglected it a bit)

alexreggies - yes, sometimes I reblog different things on this (thasorns) blog but this one is specifically for western things

kaiosmichiru - anime

I have another one where I only post gifs but never told anyone about it

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

probably since 2009. I used to have another blog but moved to my current one in 2012

4. do you have a queue tag?

used to have # queue to my life, # queueing things bc its quarantine things but now I'm just using q. bc I’ve become lazy

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

before this blog I was a dedicated fanblog about marko marin and sideblog was very multifandom and then I moved and stayed multifandom 

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

buttercup is THE mvp

7. why did you choose your header?

a tale of thousand stars do I need to say more (if you didn't watched it, THEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE)

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

this, mind that I was a beginner in gif making and you can see that in this 

9. how many mutuals do you have?

maybe I forgot one or two but the last count was 79 love you all 💕

10. how many followers do you have?

 more than i would expect and deserve but I appreciate every each one of you 🥰

11. how many people do you follow?

I'm surprised that after 12 years I don't follow more but I also go on a unfollow spree sometime anyway it's 372 people

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

no. don't think so. I used to say a lot about shows I watch. does this count as a shitpost? Idk

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

is that really a question? like? every day

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

no i'm staying in my bubble and be happy

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts

i dont do it to be oppositional 

16. do you like tag games?

even though I try to participate as much as I can and not forgot about it I'll do it because they're fun and it's nice to see other perspectives or opinions on things

17. do you like ask games?

I rarely do it because I think no one would send me asks

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

the first which comes to mind is sabrina @moonkhao

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

what does crush even mean?

claire @clairedaring @poomphuripan is such a cutie. The way she does so much for the msi community but at the same time highlights other lakorns and find the strength and time to gif it, so other ppl on here could watch it. always so nice and patient ❤️

an honorable mention: cata @kittychicha because I would've never thought that we would become friends and talk on a regular basis about everything and it is fun and lovely to talk with you and get to know you 🧡

Another honorable mention would be vish @morkofday because have you met her? Her mind is already enough. The way she thinks and sees things in perspectives - a reason to fall in love. Not even joking. Our dead friend forever days were precious for me 💕

20. tags?

@morkofday @itsallaboutbl @clairedaring @pondsphuwin @patchanons @milkpansa @kittychicha @jimmysea @loveisactivated

[cenviswasteland]

okay from best to worst top three! klapollo krisnix wrightworth go!! with explanations duh - 💾

oh guess what i just found in the bottom of my drafts. sorry floppy disk you asked me this in march and now its almost june. my bad pestie

anyway i would LOVE to. im gonna cut the post here because it ended up getting pretty damn long and i wanna save the mobile users some pain

[[[hey welcome back thanks for clicking a button]]]

a little preface first: i don't think any of them are the "worst". im a multiship freak and i think all three of these are best and worst in their own way. id love more info on what you MEAN by "best to worst" because that's so very vague. do you mean in terms of relationship dynamic? do you mean in terms of personal perception? do you mean how much i like them?? since i have no idea what exactly youre asking me here, im just gonna shove a whole bunch of headcanons in your face and hope for the best. xoxo follow me

3rd place - Wrightworth / Narumitsu

the iconic, original gangster, blah blah blah. forever cute. theyre just kind of a little bland to me. like i feel as tho we've explored basically everything there is to explore in wrightworth with the exception of the seven year gap? eh maybe thats a terrible take who knows. theyre still lovely tho i love the seemingly constant stream of gayass lawyers on my feed. everybody loves narumitsu!

2nd place - Klapollo

i really don't have much to say about klapollo either. theyre cute as hell and they definitely have a lot more to ponder on (considering that the only game we really get klavier in is AA4 [no DD doesnt count klavs ass got fucking Visited and he was written so poorly thats NOT my klavier gavin]). and generally speaking im an AA4 fiend its my favorite game in the entire series and so im biased. also, another pretty constant stream of gay lawyer content. shout out to hyundere who made like constant beautiful klapollo content until the One Piece happened lol [im a one piece enjoyer too dont come for me this is not criticism]

1st place - Krisnix

my GOD krisnix. theres a lot of things that go into me enjoying krisnix, but the biggest one is the fact that they have the fucking wackiest, least defined relationship in all of AA4. (also, another AA4 exclusive lol). with the 7yg in play, theres so much room to play around. and most of krisnix really exists in their questions and the vagueness of their relationship. theres like a billion things to ask. how does this relationship develop? how did they meet? what were they like for seven years? what led up to phoenix suspecting kristoph in, yknow, the Everything that happened in AA4? what kind of relationship did they even have? were they "friends" that just happened to pull each other into their gravity? were they holding hands and cuddling every night? were they practically strangers until one of them needed to "blow off steam"?

and not to mention these people are both private/secretive as HELL (phoenix is probably the cagiest man ive ever seen ever. and kristoph, aside from being a man with a fucking army of skeletons in his closet, gets an unfortunately small amount of screentime in the game and not a lot of time to get into the meat of his character/backstory [see: black psyche-locks]). that adds another layer. they certainly dont talk about each other. so how did... All Of This happen?

SO. MANY. QUESTIONS. and in general i like my ships a little more "toxic". and i mean. if you know ANYTHING about AA4, krisnix is pretty mutually toxic. i could totally make another post tearing into the inner guts of their dynamic and relationship-- hell, i could probably make FIVE.

moral of the story: krisnix forever. poggies.

anyway yeah i hope this uh. answered all your questions? how the hell do you end a tumblr post

[cyanide-rifle]

"Questions about two of your original characters about their relationship. Should work for friends/lovers/coworkers/enemies/etc, maybe not so much for family, but you're welcome to try!"

Interpersonal questions, for who ever you like

How did they meet?

How long have these two characters known each other?

What were their first impressions of each other? How does that compare to their impressions of each other now?

How would they describe each other if asked? Physically? In personality?

Do they have any shared interests/hobbies? Do they ever do these hobbies together?

Do they get along? Why or why not?

How often do they see each other? Where do they usually meet?

How do they communicate with each other? Are there any recurring phrases or gestures unique to their relationship?

What is one quality they have in common?

What is one major difference between them?

Do they have any affection for each other? How do they show it?

Do they trust each other? Why or why not?

Are they satisfied with their relationship? Do they wish they were closer/more distant?

What is their best memory together?

When were they the most vulnerable with each other?

Do they have any mutual friends? Mutual enemies?

How would these characters react to being stuck in a small room with each other?

How did they meet?

Reddit believe it or not

How long have these two characters known each other?

1st of october i dm them

What were their first impressions of each other? How does that compare to their impressions of each other now?

First impression i was suspicious because they have NOTHING on their profiles no comments (other than the one of replying to my post) no posts

Impression now is that we are similar in a lot of ways its actually scary

How would they describe each other if asked? Physically? In personality?

Physically cool as fuck

In personality bright like a star i see them and i go !!!! Yippeee my friend!!!!

Do they have any shared interests/hobbies? Do they ever do these hobbies together?

We both like pokemon and breakcore and minecraft and hmmmm spamming each other on tumblr oh and asking questions oh and showing eachother the interesting things we did as kids, we played pokemon together a few times it was awesome, we wanted to play minecraft together as well but its a little complicated, theres probably even more stuff but im a little tired to list it all

Do they get along? Why or why not?

We get along really good, COMMUNICATION

How often do they see each other? Where do they usually meet?

We've seen eachother more frequently which is really really cool (WE SEE EACH OTHER TOMORROW) i usually met them at the train station

How do they communicate with each other? Are there any recurring phrases or gestures unique to their relationship?

Mostly texting we also sometimes call (first call was 4 hours... wowza... and i said im not good at calling but once we got into call mode it felt so short and bam 4 hours gone, always feel energized after a call)

___ aero

Frutiger ___

And i laugh at it every time

This also makes me laugh every time

Rizz apple

What is one quality they have in common?

Unsure in communication and timid sometimes

What is one major difference between them?

Hmmm i dont think we are that different hmmmmmmmmm....im not sure

Do they have any affection for each other? How do they show it?

HUGS

Do they trust each other? Why or why not?

Of course i trust them we've both told eachother about such private details we are now deeply connected like a fungi or hmmm a parasyte! (A cool one)

Are they satisfied with their relationship? Do they wish they were closer/more distant?

Closer as in seeing each other more often? Not sure what this means

What is their best memory together?

Us talking about one thing and then surprose the other does the same thing/has had the same thing

When were they the most vulnerable with each other?

All the time i think

Do they have any mutual friends? Mutual enemies?

No

How would these characters react to being stuck in a small room with each other?

I'd show them the team on my pokemon emulators on my phone and tiktoks i saved and uhhh my 114 hr long playlist! What else hmmm although i think i'd panic more in fear of us crashing down with the escalator

[posebean]

letting it leave mutual circles heres my rinky fic idea enjoy

niki gets into an accident (because of rinne) saving him or smth like getting hit by a car and so then nikis seriously injured and wakes up in a hospital covered in bandages and his arm in a sling but no memories at all not even his own name rinnes there when he wakes up and is breaking down into tears and then nikis just like. im sorry but. who are you? and rinne just stares and is like niki are uou joking

niki: niki? is that my name

rinne:

and then rinne leaves the room and niki is so confused because 1. he has no idea who he is and why he was in a hospital all beaten up and 2. he had no idea who that red haired man was and then out of exhaustion and painkillers he passes out

the next time he wakes up himeru and kohaku are there n help him out . explain to him a bit about who he is, take him out of the hospital. red haired man from earlier is nowhere to be found niki feels like he dreamed that whole scene. himeru and kohaku dont mention rinne at all idk why because if rinne wanted something stupid they wouldnt but well. gotta advance stupidity somehow i guess

its a whole thing of niki finding this red haired man trying to befriend him but rinne just acts like theyre strangers out of pure guilt and horror because the love of his life was literally on his deathbed because of him (he wasnt rinnes just being a dramatic bitch)

but theres still the fact that niki got hurt because of him and now has no memories except for standard motorskills and etc and a little innate stuff for cooking but like. no memories memories. no relationships or feelings.

and everyone at es is careful around niki because he doesnt remember and hes probe to migraines as if hes trying to remember but just cant and also for some reason he feels like a part of him is missing and he gravitates toward that red haired man he thought he hallucinated after running into rinne in the halls on coincidence one day and rinne just. tries so hard to push him away and it explodes into a whole rinne-kun why are you pushing me away i just wanna get to know you the way you act its like we knew each other before i lost all my memories

and rinnes like you dont want to know me and its better this way you really wont like scum like me and nikis like bro what are you talking about first ur saying were strangers now ur saying we do know each other and have for this whole time and rinne is like

you were my star but i put you out with my own hand lets leave it at that and then runs away and now niki has even more wuestions unanswered than answers and its a whole game where niki slowly pieces together from things scattered around his apartment, vague memories of someone else's life, something with Rinne and hes like oh and idk the chase continues until he finally corners rinne and is like rinne-kun i might not be the same anymore i might not have any memories of you at all but now i know is that the me in the past was the most dearest to you and i know you feel like you are the reason hes gone and feel the need to punish yourself but i dont think hed want that he pushed you out of the way of that car for a reason i may not be the same, i may not have the memories that we used to share. but i know that deep down i still have that love for rinne-kun. id like to get to know rinne-kun again. that sweet brute of a man that the past me loved so much. i want to relearn every memory ive forgotten, every memory that is important to rinne-kun. maybe one day ill messure up to the past me again , maybe ill be whole again, rinne-kun, will you help me remember and then rinne fucking bawls because he hasnt cried at all in front of niki during this and was only in complete shock or cold apathy (while himeru and kohaku watch him sob in private and are like. u fucking idiot stop doing this n hes like no i ruined niki he'll be betyer off without me )and cue tender moment where hes like niki doesnt have to get any memories back i will love him no matter what, no matter the cost even if the world burns and we all change that will always stay true. and nikis like but i wanna rember if these memories are so important to rinne/kun they must be important to me too i dont know if ill ever get all my memories back but i at least want to know the memories that rinne kun loves so in case rinne-kun loses his memory i can be the one to remind him of the memories he holds so dear

[rexregistries]

im quitting smut & everything nsfw!!

like straight up, cold-turkey, quitting. so far, we're 20 hours in.

heres why

this is gonna get REALLLL personal, buckle in.

i know not many ppl will see this, but its nice to just get it out.

tw: online sexual grooming and me being a minor thru it all

basically, im gonna talk abt how this all started (i should REALLY be doing homework right now, but i need to get it off my chest, and i only have 1 assignment left)

please bear with me! i only recently remembered all of this, and most of it is still terribly foggy, and hopefully shall stay that way.

when i was 8, i entered into a friendship with a 26-year-old man on roblox. we met thru our mutual like for percy jackson & the olympians, and i met him on a pjo role-playing game on roblox. mind you, roblox filter about 8 years ago was almost nonexistent.

the man, sam (found this out years into my "relationship" w him, to me he was cookie [cookieflame546]), asked my age when i first met him. i knew about stranger danger, obviously i did, i was born a girl. but i gave him my age anyway. so he knew.

this relationship lasted 5 years. 8 years old to 13 years old.

it started okay! we'd roleplay together, nothing too bad! the real trouble began when one of my ocs went into a romantic relationship with one of his ocs. he asked me if i knew anything about sex (the deed, the dirty, the devils tango, he called it something else that i dont remember) and i said no. obviously i didnt, i was 8.

he offered to teach me stuff, and i said ok. i trusted him for some reason. (NO GIRL STOPPP)

and boy. BOY, did he teach me stuff.

he bought a private server JUST to have sex w me. i'd go online, roleplay a little with my other online friends (who were my age, maybe 1 or 2 years older), and then once sam got on, i'd go to the private server. it happened maybe three times a week, i think? we'd roleplay w other people normally most of the time. i got discord at 10, because he asked me to.

when it started getting really, really, actually terrible (more than it already was) was when i got into the hamilton fandom in 2020. (also, since covid was happening, i was on everyday, so we interacted a lot more)

"kal, y is hamilton important?" well, when i got into hamilton, i got into wattpad. when i got into wattpad, i got into smut. when i got into smut, i got into actual fucking porn. at the ripe age of 12 years old.

i was so proud of my newfound knowledge. i wanted to show him all i knew. the sex got worse. he'd find ways to bypass the increasingly strong filter, and so would i.

the only thing im glad for is that he never sent nsfw pics, and neither did i.

it started tapering off once i got into 8th grade. i had more homework, i couldnt be on as much. we still had those little sessions, but they were more infrequent.

(BUT, in his place, came another friend. his name is alex. hes a year older than me, and we roleplayed almost exclusively sexually together. outside of roleplay, we would also message sexually on discord. some of got disturbing when i look back on it [he said he would find my address, climb into my window, and fuck me. bro i am 12 years old]

me and alex fell out of contact for a long time [something something i used to be really homophobic and our entire friendgroup, excluding him and i, was queer]. we say hi hello when hes online on discord, but we dont talk anymore)

slowly, me and sam went back into a regular friendship. we didn't talk for months, other than the occasional hi, hello, hru, im good. i stopped roleplaying, he didnt.

and then my brain decided "yooooo wait this was kinda bad.......im gonna make them forget it >:]"

and i did! i forgot about it. and then in freshmen year, at a winter camp for school, it all came rushing back. i cried about it to one of my closest friends (they moved, but we still talk. if ur seeing this joey [ur prob not], the second im 18 we r gonna see each other istg!!!!), and they told me to block him. i did.

i havent spoken to him since.

and then my brain did another little silly and said "im gonna make them forget it again!! >:]"

and guess what! i forgot about it again.

until i sat by myself, just having finished a brutal smut fic, crying, because, man, why the fuck was i like this? why cant i stop reading and watching and looking at this horrible shit? because it was ruining me! it really was! (it still is, but we're working on it)

andddddddd it came rushing back again.

finally, an answer! thats why im like this!

my most formative years were filled with sex! thats why im obsessed with it!

i know im partly to blame. i enabled myself by actively looking for nsfw. but im trying to fix that.

thank u for ur time :]

[nicegaai]

Su-san anon here I love you and your opinions sm. SuIce is so tasty I agree, personally I think Ice should have the most embarrassing daddy kink known to man and Swe should be eaten up by remorse bc of how much he enjoys little Aisu-kun calling him that when they fuck. When they're done Ice feels mortified and wants to hide from the world while Swe feels nauseous and thinks he should hand himself to the police. But they end up fucking again regardless lmao. This is my ideal dynamic for them, I'm afraid.

im holding your hand and we're skipping thru a beautiful meadow...

this boy needs a father figure so bad!!!!! dare i say ice has preexisting issues about den in this scenario ...

aikun and susan are the two most repressed gay men in the subarctic and i need them to bond about it So Bad i dont care HOW but i want it to GET WEIRD i need sweden to be the only one who rly listens to him and is a supportive mentor who sees himself in ice, and ice can look up to him like the father he never had (sorry den u werent very present..) and a role model and they both develop a thing for each other that they try and mutually keep repressed ...

and at first sure they have their cute little affair sans daddy kink and its already on the edge of appropriate. they can justify a few encounters and just not want anyone else to know — norway and denmark would freak out, swedens kids dont need to know hes getting laid, iceland is not universally recognized as an adult and thats problematic, its just casual and theyre private people... whatever reason. swedens into younger men and icelands into older men and there was a lot of lowkey sexual tension and now theyre fucking and its great.

im obsessed with the extreme guilt angle youre giving them though, ughhhh thats absolute kino. i have no idea how the daddy kink would START but i just KNOWW that their communication skills are rough and post coitus they wouldnt talk out their guilt/shame/embarrassment very well. they each retreat to stew in their mental illnesses... neither can confide about this in anyone else either, theyll hold their problems inside until they die. OR until theyre horny enough to go back for more, which im sure is what their love life relies on anyway... and then the cycle continues........... hot. option 1, ice coming back to apologize really flustered and asking if that was wayy over the line.. OR option 2, sve coming back like umm heyy...(sexual intent) like hes decided that if ice was into it then its ok, and ice being like d-d-dont look at me ..... and then they fuck.

anyway i went looking for every time they interact for Evidence

hes docile because he's daddy svi's little boy and he cant be mean to him.. he'll be getting a reward for good behavior laterrrr

look at that physical contact theyre basically canonically in love. also the size difference ....... think about it...

i dont know how to end this post. suice forever

[e77y]

relating to that vent, i getchu so bad. i feel like in general, the internet might worsen compulsions & obsession within ocd + etc. i have a similar feeling (wouldnt say identical cause i know u from tumblr n yaknow yaknow) that tells me everything i do needs to be 100% morally correct or [insert awful things] will happen to me or someone i love. and this is easier to deal with when you're offline, because there's a limit on the people that can get mad at you. half of the world won't get mad at you because only 0.00001% (or whatever) of the world knows you, yaknow. on the net, it feels like everyone who has an account knows you. your brain telly you anyone who has an account on here might see what you posted & they might be mad at you & they might make a callout post or whatever. even though they don't know you. which is a terrifying thought for many. i dont think youre alone in this, genuinely. and i feel it can be improved. some stuff that's helped me: - making separate accounts w private stuff (doesnt rly work on tumblr but like a private account on insta & etc etc) - rationalising thoughts (an example of this would be thinking: is it really likely many people will agree with someone being mad at me? or: how many people actually do see my posts? is that proportional to the amount of followers i have) - and talking ab it w friends. genuinely, the communication + processing of these thoughts & feelings is soo helpful. sending u soo much love <3 if u wanna chat a bit ab it you can dm me :) (ask can be published or responded 2 privately, whatever u prefer!)

Thank you so much for this message omg :’) ❤️❤️❤️❤️ So thoughtful. This made me tear up a little haha. I’m posting it here so I can look back at it later; hopefully that’s okay.

I’m really glad to hear other people feel the same way/have the same worry… like logically I know that it’s something a lot of people worry about, but idk; my brain has a way of convincing me I am the only person in the world who has done anything ‘bad’ ever LMAOO. So this was really nice to hear

Also I’m a very talkative person! Like I’m definitely an introvert, but I do like to talk about myself and my interests and my feelings etc. Especially when I have a forum (cough Tumblr) to post into the void 😭😭 So I guess that’s part of my issue; IRL, there are less people to be upset if I do/say something ‘bad’, and most of them are my close friends and know I don’t have bad intentions. But online, I walk on eggshells bc 1) strangers online DON’T know my intentions and 2) I just think my mutuals are really cool lol. So I don’t want to do/say anything ‘bad’ or even embarrassing in their presence yk? And online, their ‘presence’ comprises literally all the time w everything I post

I should probably make a more private account 😅 This one is kind of that (just bc it has far fewer followers than my other blog), and I have one on Instagram with like two people following it that I haven’t touched in a while, sooo maybe I will go back to that for more personal vents and whatnot 🫡 I try not to post anything TOO personal on Tumblr, anyway. I just also really like creating fan content, which sort of inherently puts me in a public space even if I don’t WANT to have an ‘audience’ (regardless of how small that audience is; ik there are people who look up to my writing, and that puts a lot of extra pressure on me, but I don’t want to stop writing, either…. Agh)

Idk this is probably overly personal and also very disjointed bc I just finished writing a 1,800 word essay and my brain is mush lol. I’m just sort of reiterating everything you said. Sorry for making you read all this lmao 😭🙏 But thank you for the kind words, seriously ❤️ I really really appreciate it :’D !!!!!!!

[autogynocrat]

So Cassie, I thought I might be trans for a few reasons and I was looking into hrt and everything and I had this trans girl I had been talking with and she would use she/her pronouns for me and it would feel really nice and eventually we started flirting and she would call me her good girl and my heart would flutter and it felt so right be called that but then recently we met up and she fucked the shit out of me to the point where I couldn't move afterwards and was sore for the next 2 days. After that though, when she calls me a good girl or uses she/her pronouns I felt nothing, I don't even feel the gender dysphoria I had before anymore but at the same time I'm having trouble recognizing my name on things or when someone uses he/him pronouns for me, it's like I've completely lost my sense of self and I don't know what any of this means. Do you have any advice?

maybe the positive emotional feeling will come back after your libido has had time to recover from what sounds like a pretty intense time

is it possible just like, that ur gender stuff is expressing itself sexually right now and so it feels like its gone because your libido is low? i think in some ways gender and sexuality arent like mutually exclusive they can be linked sometimes. i think in my case i do sometimes have aspects of my sexuality that are directly linked to my gender identity if that makes sense

what do you mean by you dont feel gender dysphoria anymore? actively or passively? like you say it still feels wrong when you get called a man or a he/him? i dont feel a lot of passive dysphoria anymore either most of the time, i only feel bad when something triggers mine

sorry if im not much help u can come off anon and dm me privately too if you want to talk more about this, its hard for me to put into words all my thoughts

[dykeyote]

what do you think jedidiah and yvonne’s friendship would have been like during college, particularly when sydney was comatose?

!!!!!! okay so this one im gonna do less evidence baded more interpretation bc like i think this is something that will be explored more Later so like obviously idk for sure . but from what i understand of how they talk about it it seems like yvonne and jedidiah first came to be friends probably through a good deal of effort on yvonnes part since jeddie obviously was scared of them in the beginning i doubt he was the one initiating the friendship . and i think it seems like they spent a lot of time together since yvonne references trying to bring jedidiah to parties a lot, and i also think it was usually just the two of them since joshua asks if he knows this story (implying theres at least Some yvonne and jeddie stories he doesnt know), yvonne doesnt seem at all as close to sydney as they do to jedidiah, and they dont really seem to have other mutual friends thatr referenced . i think they used to just hang out and play video games and joke around a lot - they strike me as the kind of friends who spend tons of time together and consider each other best friends but dont really emotionally open up to each other that often, just bc both of them seem to struggle with talking about their feelings at times (except w joshua on yvonnes end) and yvonne doesnt seem to know abt how jeddies relationship to sydney reallt works. but i do think jedidiah opens up to yvonne more than most ppl!! theres a bit of evidence for this (yvonne refers to jeddie as not having been Openly stressed out in ages which implies hes been stressed out before in private) and i also just think it makes sense given how willing jeddie is to open up to yvonne. and even if they dont open up as much they still get along well and enjoy each others company!! i think yvonne also helped jedidiah open up somewhat - definitely not Fully obviously but i think they were a large part of jedidiah growing less sheltered, trying new things and generally becoming less of the EXTREMELY sheltered college jeddie thats scared of dyed hair. i think yvonne was a good influence on him, yk? pushed him out of his comfort zone in a way that sydney isnt always able to do necessarily due to the weirdness of their dynamic, sydneys pushes of jeddie to get out of his comfort zone tend to go too far and make jeddie uncomfortable whereas yvonnes seem to do more to be helpful - say what u will abt the skyrim dance scene but he definitely did loosen up and have fun lol

when sydney was comatose is trickier so thisll be more fuzzy since that whole timeline confuses me but based off of what yvonnes said about jedidiahs last year of college . my basic interpretation of yvonne and jedidiahs friendship at that time is that i think jedidiah began to start falling apart at the seams a little bit and began pushing people away and avoiding people and yvonne just sort of backed off a little because they werent totally sure what to do or say . yvonne references wanting to do a better job of helping jedidiah sooner than they did back then and yvonne seems to struggle with communicating with people sometimes - i think they didnt know what to say to jedidiah or how to help, and eventually things got so bad that there was nothing To do to help at all bc things just wouldnt get through to him even if you tried your best to help . i think yvonne and jedidiah largely get along due to their difficulty with emotional expression but i also think that became a major Flaw in their relationship as things went bad becaus i think jeddie couldnt ask for help an dyvonne couldnt bridge the gap

[goth-oatmilk-latte]

is there a story behind meeting new Mr oatmilk that you want to share w the class?<3 (ps he sounds like a well deserved upgrade)

sure!! so btw he took the photos of me at the cemetery/my current pfp!!

him and i have actually known each other for probably like 6 years or so. when we first met, he was married and we didnt really talk we just had a lot of mutual friends bc we like the same music and go to a lot of the same shows and we would just see each other in passing. he ended up telling me he was intrigued by me bc i had done a photoshoot and my pfp when we met was me holding a butcher knife in a wednesday addams outfit, and he said he knew i had to be an interesting person from that alone. he is quite shy though. we would also see each other places but never really said more than hi to one another. he got divorced in 2020, we talked a little then, but not really. then he dated his now most current ex, more or less bc she basically cornered him into a relationship while he was just getting over his divorce and homegirl needed a place to stay. hes told me he regrets it and said he literally should have kept trying with me bc being shy with me would have been a hell of a lot better than how things worked out for the 2.5 years of abuse she put him through. (his words)

last year we started talking a lot bc he was posting a lot of concerning stuff to his insta private story and so i kind of talked him thru his abusive relationship he was currently in and he mentioned he really needed a close friend. we ended up becoming gym partners for a bit before both our now exs went batshit over it and our friendship as a whole. and we stopped talking for a bit...and then we would talk a little here and there. and we both mutually agreed we were both in shit relationships.

around may, he texted me and told me him and his ex finally broke it off after months of him trying (long story) but he still wanted to at least be my friend again bc he missed me a lot. and i told him i was also dealing with more or less trying to leave my fiance. this is actually around the time i found the flashdrive full of nudes from other women ex mr oatmilk was keeping from me. and i finally left mr oatmilk after he tried to go thru my phone while i was in the shower, which prompted an argument about why it didnt matter who i was friends with bc he couldnt stop entertaining other women and i even pulled out the flashdrive and was like yeah im done.

so me and new mr oatmilk started hanging out more. he would go on walks with me after work. or we would go back to being gym buddies. or we would grab dinner. go to a bookstore. i helped him pick out stuff for his new apartment.

i asked him if he wanted to go see the cure with me at the end of last month and he surprised me by paying for a 2 night hotel stay for us instead of us just driving 2 hrs. and thats also when we went to the cemetery to walk around bc he knew id like it. thats pretty much when we decided we were actually an item.

i helped him move into a new apartment last weekend. and tonight im surprising him with making him dinner. ive pretty much stayed over since he moved in, which is funny bc he got a smaller bed than he would normally get bc he originally told me he didnt wanna feel lonely since it's just him...but he has only spent like one night alone since living there lol.

whats really fucked up tho is his ex is always trying to instigate with me...from doxing me in a bar bathroom, to literally driving by his new place to see if i am there. and shes friends with my ex now too. she's harassed me via text and social media, too. but it's fine, i dont usually engage. which pisses her off.

him and i are happy 🥰 hes honestly lovely.

[lucckitty-333]

CONTENT WARNING FOR:

★ self h∆rm

★ sui thoughts

★ social anxiety

★ dark humor

★ self deprecation

★ s3xy styff

★ vent art

MINORS STAY AWAY AND DNI

Hello, I'm Lucca

I'm brazilian, transmasculine (he/him;they/them) and this is a vent blog

I love bl00d l, music, coffee, cats and alternative fashion (punk, grunge, menhera and some others). I have bipolar disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. I also really love art and use it as a coping mechanism but i dont post it often, I'll most likely post my vent art in here but if you wanna take a look at my other stuff i have another tumblr acc @sweetpotato-art and an ig acc (lucc.potato).

Im interested in art as a coping mechanism, some hyperpop, pop and indie punk music, weird stuff from the 2000's that im nostalgic about

> adult (+20)

> taken 💕

> im not into s3xting, if you wanna just chat im up for it but sexual stuff is a no-no

My most used tags are

#🧷-for my personal posts

#🖤-for lovedovey s3xual stuff

#r4f4 - for posts directed at my partner

#me - for selfies and just my pics in general

I dont talk much in private but I'd like some mutuals anyway

DNI: minors, positivity accounts, the usual transmeds, TERFS, anti-therian and anyone that is weirdly and extremely preocupied with how other people live their lives in private, p3d0s

[tianzhan]

#𝑻𝑰𝑨𝑵𝒁𝑯𝑨𝑵 : jingliu of hoyoverse's honkai star rail , established august 27th , 2023. as immortalized by 𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒔. southeast asian , they / them pronouns. please be 21+ to interact with me !! minors and personal blogs will be blocked. mutuals exclusive , canon , oc , and duplicate friendly! this blog will contain graphic content of violence , identity , abandonment , motifs of and ideations of death , and will reference chinese folklore and culture. i am unaffiliated with hsr and any of hoyoverse's games. you can also find me on: @zixunsilu !

𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 @boxue , @qiinglong.

𝐀𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐓𝐇𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐒𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐒 ; temper my soul into a blade that will never dull , destruction as salvation , i am the sword / i am the wound , love as the balm and the blade , the bona - fide sinner. i am nobody; i , the cataclysm.

rules below. / i dont want to make a carrd anymore / promo.

i. im going to keep this brief , so. first and foremost , i intend to keep this space as a place where i can chill and have fun. my workload occupies half of my time , so i'm going to be scarce , so this blog will be a PERMANENTLY low activity space tyty. i will be active with communicating , mainly discord. if i follow you , that means i would love to interact with your muses! i just ask that you be patient with me, since i am scarce as is. i don't really care too much about duplicates and i would love to interact with other blade writers , so long as there is respect to each of our portrayals of blade , but i would love to share around ideas too !!

ii. it goes without saying that i'm unaffiliated with the game, so everything of that material is not mine , the lore for ren will mostly be mixed canon, and expanded upon on from leaks, chinese mythos, culture, and item stories. that being said , ren only offers courtesy to people he holds neutral to better regard to , so he will be rude if need be , and awful where the situation begs for it. but most of the time he's quiet. haha lmao... please keep this in mind when interacting with him! therefore , steal from me and ur ass is grass !! psds , writing, etc are mine unless stated otherwise.

iii. this blog will contain references to and explorations of blade's character within the story and elaboration on chinese culture and mythology, my chinese reading level is literally abysmal (cries) so please bare with me! this blog will also contain triggering themes such as, but not limited to: violence , gore , dehumanization , depersonalization , memory loss , sexual themes , and more to be added. triggering material and general content warnings will be tagged as '___ tw' or '___cw'.

iv. do not involve me in any shape or form in your drama. i don't care , don't involve me. i firmly believe that some things can be solved through talking it out in private therefore, i reserve the rights to block as i please. that being said , i will reblog callouts if it does involve someone who brings genuine harm to the community.

v. i don't really care too much about length or formatting. i personally use small font text with minimal editing , as well as icons, but i do occasionally go iconless bc im lazy lmao... just please don't give me something that i'm gonna have to zoom in 500x to read , and just not one sentence LMAO !! basic roleplay etiquette goes, don't godmod my character etc. i generally do not make starter calls since i am terrible at managing them or answering them but i do. sometimes :clown:. but , the best way to start off threads with me is through ask memes! i loove when ask memes are turned into threads, and i do encourage plotting!! my d*sco handle is available if we're mutuals :)

vi. shipping is not a priority but i'm always up for it. it's not on the forefront of my mind , and i'm sure it isn't for you. what happens , happens. that being said , i reserve the right to drop a ship if certain dynamics don't interest me, or make me uncomfortable. but again , i am pretty flexible , i don't mind exploring darker dynamics between our characters. mains are open, and i consider us mains only if we have talked about it! i do not practice character exclusivity unless requested of me, but i do practice ship exclusivity. this means i will not write romantic ships with different writers of the same character if i already have a writing partner designated to that ship.

vii. if you are a multi , please specify a muse if you send in an ask or like starter calls. if you require anything from me in regards to interpretation or clarification , please by all means drop by my IMs and ask me! all in all , have fun and i look forward to writing with you!