#and i dont . want to go thru that again.
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suntails · 1 year ago
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⚔️🦈
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all-inmoderation · 19 days ago
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not enough ppl know about this fic
take me to the answers (i'm the one who's listening) by annnubis
if your favorite character in JJK is either Yuuji or Geto, you have got to read this fic. This story understands those two characters like no other.
It's a canon-divergence, time-travel fix-it AU, in which Yuji, post-shibuya, is thrown back to gojo and geto's schooldays (post hidden inventory arc).
the prose in this fic is so polished and the characters are all given a level of maturity that i found so refreshinggggg. all the other characters are also just as fleshed out, from satoru, shoko, to even Yaga. Yuji's reactions pertaining to Gojo are especially touching. And the way he sees Geto is so characteristically kind.
some excerpts from the fic to entice you guys to read it:
They surround the crater and naturally Satoru gets closer to it than any of them, though he's right behind him. Suguru knows Satoru noticed it, too—something terribly human-shaped, with a soft filthy face and hunched shoulders and scuffed red sneakers.
The first thing Sukuna ever gave me, he thinks in the direction of his teacher sealed terrifyingly away in the dark, was all this blood on his hands.
Sensei or not. It's Satoru Gojo. It seems every version of him contains the fundamentals that set Yuuji just a little bit at ease.
Toji Fushiguro is dead. Suguru lies awake in his bed, reminding himself of this supposedly comforting fact that instead leaves him feeling hollow and restless, laying flat underneath a thin bed sheet staring up at his ceiling fan.
Sorcerers die all the time.
He is not one of the strongest. Not anymore.
Sukuna Ryomen’s vessel is compelling. The unscarred parts of his face look soft as down, but the scars put a warm feeling in Suguru's stomach.
Also, one of my favorite aspects of the fic is how it describes Yuuji's scent/energy. I know the accepted fanon is that Yuuji smells like peaches, but I've always found the idea of that scent to be a bit too sugarysweet and childish(?) to fit Yuuji.
But this:  Rosewater steam, faint and warm and welcoming, and pooling blood and something herbaceous.
now this is what I'm fucking talking abouttttt. That's how you fucking describe a scent, man! The idea of Yuuji's aura being ~rosewater steam~ is just so much more alluring and tantalizing than peaches, imo. ahhhhhh I'm in loveeee.
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6-epigraphs · 1 month ago
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Have we ever seen this old man being affectionate with drivers or other juniors? Or just Yuki? I don't even think I've seen him this close to Max and Seb (off the podium at least)
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Brother.
#he says some senile shit every now & then but hes literally & unfortunately yuki's biggest fan 💀#im not posting this with hope for the 2nd seat idgaf anymore (lol. lying) im just flabbergasted at how much he visited him 💀#thats why i feel betrayed hes siding w lawson lol cause ive never seen them together 😭#LIKE when liam outscored yuki at sg last yr all he said was#“good job. that's pretty much it” LMFAO? helmut was pissed 😭#tbf hes been backing yuki for YEARSS i think hes just tired now 💀 at least w lawson he can agree w horner ab & he can have a pawn somewhere#but i dont see how sharing liam w horner can help marko 😭 liam will be loyal to him for sure but the bias is so clear 💀#liam would easily jump ship to horner 💀#i 100% blame helmut for the pointless team trapping of yuki like he DEF did it. i dont think he wants to let him go LOL. but im mad ab it😭#once again i dont speak with a source you're 🫵 in my delirious mind palace and you're hostage in it 😁#he'd rather have yuki careerless post 2026 than not have him at red bull 💀 should be funny but im PISSED#ITS SO EASY JUST FRAUD HIM INTO A TOP SEAT 😭#ppl calling yuki a honda merchant when hes a helmut merchant 😭 theyre literally his parents who are divorcing LOL#rmb when yuki said he didnt read thru the contract? im convinced its cuz helmut made it so he just said yes 💀#apparently honda wanted to keep him 1 more yr @ f3 but marko promoted him to f2 anyway 💀 & hes the one who dropped him into europe 💀#ah helmut. yuki's double edged sword#dropped him to europe & cant empathise with him struggling there alone 💀 typical racist grandpa#this opens a tough question tho: did the therapy he forced yuki to do actually help? cause if it was someone else he wouldnt even have care#he handled it so awfully but his concern for yuki was... is real.#i was thinking that i need yuki to have someone who favors him just as how ron dennis did for mika then i realized that's literally helmut💀#hes still alive cause hes not going until he sees yuki as wdc 😭#helmut marko#yuki tsunoda#yt22#f1txt
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skunkes · 4 months ago
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prismatiger · 6 months ago
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It's deeply important to me that Loop kind of sucks
#they are literally awesome but they do kinda suck. just a tad#mostly as in i keep thinking about lucabyte's comics. they are critical to me#i love isat's postcanon as a space to explore recovery and communication#but sometimes you kind of have to drag urself through glass to get there. sometimes the glass sticks in ur skin and makes u prickly#i think constantly about like. loop being surprised by siffrin's kindness if u choose to be nice to them in certain dialogue options.#remarking about how time has made them jaded more than he is#loop is fundamentally kind. but they are scantly ever 'nice'#i think if loop joins the party it's inevitable that they are going to make each other bristle up#loop has a difficult time with all of the party members. between the guilt and the loss and them just not being capital s Siffrin#and to the party who only knows loop from one interaction and siffrin's apparent care for them i think loop would come off. abrasive at bes#like. like i dont think loop would act the same with the party that they do siffrin. their mask is very Piss Siffrin Off specialized#but how much of ur persona is an act and how much of it is yourself. or whatever. loop wouldn't want to be mean to their friends sure#but it's much easier not to hurt if you wedge some distance. no better way to get that distance by being offputting. i think isabeau esp#would get the brunt of this. poor man#plus there's just hte general fact that like. nobody likes the feeling of talking to somebody who clearly knows too much about them. who#will never show their own cards. added with the fact that there's just an inherent strangeness w loop. where they have a relationship to#siffrin thru the loops that none of the party members will ever grasp (and in a way they cant even guess frankly!)#i just have a hard time seeing loop's assimilation into the party as going smooth and nice. you know. i think the party members would think#that loop kinda sucks a little. i think loop would let them think this. all of this being said this is not irreconcilable or permanent#but i like there to be growing pains for the party's expansion. i won't even get into nille bc this aint abt her but yah#the lucky thing loop is you made friends with a lot of really nice people who would being willing to get to know you again.#isat spoilers
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lokh · 1 month ago
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AMEIRO PARADOX ON TUBI??
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cheswirls · 7 months ago
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set of drabbles i did for @februairy's cute badminton au :)
-
"what do you mean you have us in different rooms?!"
"exactly what i said." shanks raises his hands to rest on his hips as he puts his metaphorical foot down. "this is an important competition, and i need you both to be all-in, one hundred percent. that means no needless distractions."
he raises his index finger when sabo opens his mouth to argue. "none of that. i've given you my reason and your only choice. unless you'd rather find somewhere else to stay on your own dime?"
sabo's mouth snaps shut. this time, when shanks offers him the room key, sabo wordlessly swipes it from his hand. he picks his training bag back up off the floor and storms away further inside the gym, muttering over his shoulder about getting in more reps while everyone else goes out to eat.
it's to blow off steam, so shanks doesn't say anything against it. hopefully the extra exertion will clear sabo's head.
-
when sanji opens the door to his hotel room, he finds his doubles partner on the other side instead of his assigned roommate. he can't help the surprise that pulls across his face. "what about sabo?"
"he kicked me out!" usopp exclaims, going from looking bashful to suddenly being very indignant – literally kicking the air. "then he made me switch him room keys!" his hand falls away from his suitcase handle so it teeters on its own to stay upright on the plush hallway carpet. "do you see what the problem is with that? it wasn't even his room to dictate what happens in!"
his other hand slides away from the strap to his overnight bag, essentially leaving both arms free to cross over his chest. "but if anyone asks, ace told me to say it was actually him that did all this. like anyone would believe that, hm? ace wasn't the one who stormed off earlier when we all got room assignments."
no, but he did stay behind to deal with his petty princess, sanji drily thinks as he finally holds the door open wider. usopp slouches where he stands and moves inside with all his luggage.
"well, look on the bright side, hm? neither of us has to deal with having a roommate that wants to be with someone else."
usopp nods wordlessly, still feeling prickly and dejected both at once. "really i'm just glad there's no cover story i have to keep up with. at least we won't have to deal with the fallout."
neither of them mention that it probably won't be an issue at all, because when shanks is personally traveling and organizing his athletes, his oversight is notably lax most of the time. it's not like he'll come upstairs to personally check everyone is where they're supposed to be for the night. aside from the grief given at the beginning, it's over now, for all intents and purposes.
besides, he'd meant what he said. he'd much rather room with usopp than have to deal with the world's most pouty prima-donna for the next four days.
-
sabo puts his arms in the sleeves of his pullover and then stretches them above his head in a last attempt to pop his spine. he's not given a chance to lower them and shrug the rest of the pullover on because ace comes up behind him and sags into his still-arched back.
sabo carefully resists a forming shudder when he feels ace's arms worm around his middle, fingers immediately roving along his sides. "ace, we really should go down to eat breakfast," he tries.
"gimme one more minute," ace mumbles into the back of sabo's jersey. "i need more sabo time to myself before we have to go out in public."
sabo snorts, because it's not like they'll be coming right back up or anything. he's not stuffing his feet into anything but slide-ons before 10AM if he can help himself. and he doesn't want to deal with bringing any of their practice stuff downstairs if they're not immediately going to leave.
his attempt at thinking of a snappy reply fails when ace's lips start working up the back of his neck. sabo does shudder this time, back finally relaxing from the unnatural position, and his arms come down from overhead to land lightly on ace's own. "ace, c'mon. let's go get food."
ace releases him to finish getting dressed himself, leaving sabo alone to resume putting his light jacket on. his commentary still filters over to sabo, though, both unnecessary and unwarranted.
"we could just go out to eat. there's that bakery down the road along the way to the training facility, and the woman who owns it likes watching us compete."
"we're trying to save money," sabo reminds him lightly, then smirks as he recalls exactly what they're saving money for. "hotel breakfast is free. if you want something specific later, we can nag shanks into taking everyone to eat again."
he opens the door for ace and doesn't attempt to decipher ace's mumbling after being met with a dull look. it was probably about how they could've gone to eat last night (or at least ace could have, if he hadn't offered to stay late with sabo) and sabo's better off leaving the exact wording of such a mystery.
but he does tune back in once they're in the elevator, ace speaking a bit louder and from a bit closer when he wonders aloud if they'd get something for free from the bakery if they let it slip that they're engaged now.
sabo puts an elbow in his side before the elevator doors can slide shut.
-
"you're late" are the first words koala says to sabo that morning when he sets his food tray down in front of the modest table she's claimed. she's said it for the sole purpose of riling him up and it works. she looks on in amusement when he pulls his chair out more harshly than intended.
"there's no set meal schedule, dearest, but thanks for grinding my gears. i can always count on you for that."
koala puts a hand over her heart. "what are friends for?"
sabo sits down heavily and leans into the backrest of the chair with a long-drawn sigh. "yeah, well, if you want someone to blame, then it's totally ace's fault for not getting up."
koala raises a brow at the wording. come to think of it, she had watched the two of them walk into the dining hall together. "you stayed with him? how'd you manage that? didn't you send me a whole long angry text last night about shanks being a literal demon from hell?"
"i switched rooms," sabo bites, throwing his head back to say this as snootily as possible. (ugh. it's too early for her to deal with this attitude from him.) "it's fine. shanks obviously doesn't understand the needs of teammates who are together romantically, so i just corrected his mistake on my own."
"and does he know about this correction?"
sabo purses his lips and ducks into his small bowl of porridge. "no," he mumbles.
"your 'needs' huh?" koala prods, smirking when sabo glances back up at her. she raises a brow instead of verbally asking the question.
sabo rolls his eyes and stabs his spoon back into the pile of mush. "we didn't do anything like that."
"like what?" ace pipes up, finally within hearing distance. when sabo only shrugs his shoulders, he wordlessly looks past his head to koala, but she only seals her lips. "well, glad you two are having fun with your secrets," he mildly snarks.
he pulls out a chair next to sabo and slides into it. "i still think we should've hit the bakery instead, by the way. the sesame cookies are already out, and when i asked, a server told me they were done making them for the day!"
"could've woken up earlier," sabo mutters. then, louder, "and we're still trying to save money."
"hah!" ace leans back precariously in his seat, ignoring his plate of cannoli to be petulant. "so when you want something, it's suddenly a necessary expense, but when i do the same it's a waste of money to even consider?"
"yes, that's right!" sabo proclaims haughtily, stabbing his spoon back into his breakfast. across from them, koala can't help but laugh at their comedy performance.
"aren't you used to him being this way by now?" she asks ace when ace glares at her. she also reaches into her bag at the same time to pull out a collection of thumb-sized cookies she has wrapped in a napkin. "you're lucky i'm so thoughtful," she says to him before he can get out a retort, offering him the small handful of the same sweets he'd been complaining about not getting to eat. "and that i thought of you earlier when i saw these and realized how quickly they were going."
"you're right, i completely forgive you and love you," ace rushes to say as he accepts the gift. at his side, sabo purses his lips and huffs at the wording, but ace ignores him completely in favor of tossing a small cookie into his mouth. "you're literally the best."
koala inclines her chin, leering over at sabo when he happens to look up at her. "i'm the best," she gloats.
she should have expected sabo to snap at some point, yet the heel suddenly digging into her shin makes her realize she'd thought of this a tad too late.
-
"oh, that? i can tell you about that," robin says to sanji and usopp during lunch. she'd heard an abridged version from koala earlier of the conversation she'd had with sabo that morning. "shanks found out those two got engaged recently and thought rooming them together would be a needless distraction."
that's the short of it, but it sure does paint matching looks of surprise on both of the athletes sitting across from her. they've both paused with food halfway to their mouths. she chuckles at the sight, hiding her open lips behind one hand.
"oh," both of them say simultaneously. then, from just sanji, "ok, yeah, i'd be pissed too. what a dick move. that's a valid reason."
"how long have they been engaged?" usopp asks around a bite of his sandwich. "was that supposed to stay a secret?"
"i don't think so, it just hasn't been too long," robin assures him. "i actually don't know the specifics. you'll have to direct your inquiries to either of them."
"yeah, no thanks," usopp mutters. "if shanks nearly had his head bitten off, i'd hate to see what happens to me."
"well, he did incite them," sanji reminds him. "i'm sure ace wouldn't mind telling us."
he specifically says ace because they both know he's the more easy-going of the pair, and also when sabo is confronted with something he doesn't want to share, he immediately becomes the world's most frigid ice queen.
"sabo might be happy to spill details, if you catch him at the right time," robin mentions. "it's his engagement too. i wouldn't be surprised to learn he's more excited than ace."
alright, yeah, that's a good counter-point to consider. both sanji and usopp think that over.
"after dinner?" usopp suggests.
"no, neither of them drink during a competition." sanji shakes his head. "maybe after the plane ride back home? if he's too tired, he might reveal something without thinking on it."
"if he's too tired, he just won't give us the time of day," usopp counters.
"what about after they win this week?" robin suggests.
which. is a good idea, in theory. but they would have to win, which is not a one-hundred percent guarantee.
but it is something to think over.
-
koala bites on her lip and sags into sabo's side again to bemoan her fate. below them, the current women's singles match-up is their own teammate reiju versus an athlete from sweden. "how can someone look so hot while sweating so much?" she says, completely aghast.
she makes the mistake of glancing up at him after saying this, bearing witness to the large smirk taking up his face. he opens his big mouth and already she knows she wants no part in this. "well–"
"yeah, i don't need unnecessary commentary from the man with a boyfriend," she gripes, leaning off of him. thankfully, sabo shuts his mouth and only shrugs, still looking smug but at least remaining silent about it. "speaking of which, where did ace go? wasn't he just here?"
sabo looks to his other side to confirm ace has indeed disappear. he looks miffed at this but keeps his answer perfectly indifferent. "how should i know? i'm not his keeper."
"you're right, he's just yours," koala says before she can help himself. sabo gasps, completely and justly indignant, and the look on his face is the perfect reward for ruffling his feathers again.
-
koby notices ace and sabo from the distance, but it takes him getting closer and a moment of observation to realize they're monitoring their competition and not merely engaged in conversation.
because from further back, it does look like something different. he stops short to watch ace wrapping an arm around sabo's back, tugging him closer with a hold around his middle. from the angle koby is to them, he can see ace gesturing down to the court with his other hand. they're both talking quietly with their heads huddled close together.
casual intimacy between doubles partners is nothing new, but koby can't help but add another mental notch to the running total he has in his head telling him this is another moment between this specific pair that qualifies more as pda.
he's kept this count going since the olympics ended, when he'd first begun to notice the change in the pair's affection for each other. it's not relative or important, really, but sometimes he can't turn off his observant eye. not for the first time, he thinks about asking after it in an unofficial capacity. maybe if it's off-the-record, they'd tell him if something had changed.
before he can think more on this, someone is calling out to him. specifically, someone says "hey four-eyes!" and from experience and the cadence, koby knows it's luffy before he turns around to acknowledge the athlete.
"hi," he greets luffy a bit lamely, still caught up in his thoughts. "you have another match?"
"no, i'm done for the day," luffy reveals. "i'm just sticking around to watch ace and sabo." he pointedly looks over koby's shoulder to see the duo not far away, realizing koby had been facing that direction. "do i need to get them for you?"
"oh, no, that's fine," koby insists, raising both hands to wave luffy's suggestion off. he peers over his shoulder as well, noting that the pair are even closer together than they were before, and quickly turns back to face luffy. "they, uh, look preoccupied as-is. i'd hate to ruin their concentration."
luffy looks at the pair again and takes koby's words into account. "oh, they're always like that now."
now implies that something has changed recently, though koby's not hell-bent on knowing anymore. the distance between the four of them isn't large, and he'd hate to be overheard, even if he is still curious.
luffy steamrolls along, though, not realizing the gravity of the situation. "probably because they're getting married soon? they've been a lot more touchy-feely since getting engaged."
sirens blare in koby's head, and he has to resist the temptation to look back behind him again. "oh, ok," he says, suddenly overwhelmed. that does make sense. it is a good explanation. it's also probably something he should not be privy to, especially if it's a recent development.
luffy must realize this too, because he perks up and grabs koby by both his shoulders. "i'm saying this to you as my friend, koby, not as a journalist."
"yeah, i got it," koby wheezes. "you can trust me. i won't say a word."
-
"maybe we should come back to korea," ace says at the end of their stay. they're both outside on the veranda, some light alcohol still in either of their glasses though neither are keen on finishing it off. it had been a celebratory move that both are regretting, especially with the summer heat bearing down on them. even in the dark of night, the blush on sabo's fair-skinned cheeks is still evident.
"after the season is over," ace says aloud, though they both know the implication. after we get married, he means. "we can book a room at the shilla and sight-see for a few days. or just chill in there. not like there's a lack of things to do."
sabo had been about to reply, but at the mention of the luxury resort hotel, he chokes. gasping for breath, he swallows the rest of his champagne in an attempt to quickly recover. "isn't that just a tad too expensive??"
"eh, we can splurge a bit." ace shrugs, then grins over at sabo. "it'll be another thing to save up for. if you want to."
"well i don't not want to," sabo admits, which is progress. as long as he's considering the possibility, that's good enough for ace.
"they even have their own bakery inside," ace adds, which only makes sabo groan.
"will you let that go already?"
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skitskatdacat63 · 1 year ago
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2023 Abu Dhabi Grand Prix - Fernando Alonso
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scattered-winter · 11 days ago
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made the mistake of reading through the political discussions on my big family groupchat that I usually keep muted. you must never do such a thing.
#like i knew that a lot of them are conservatives or republicans or whatever but man. even the ones who lean left are still well. mormon.#ive been really back and forth on whether or not i should come out to them but tbh. i have started to lean more toward Not.#when i came out as a nonbinary lesbian they all collectively smiled and nodded and then swept it under the rug never to be seen again#and i let them do it bc i was too afraid to try and stand up for myself. and i was conditioned not to also.#but me being trans is a lot harder to ignore. both bc im fucking tired of being treated like a rug and bc i hope to get a legal name change#and surgery and all that good shit.#but i really dont know how to go about doing all that without having to come out Somehow.#i guess i could always just. cut contact or something. but idk im reluctant to do that bc i still rely on my dad for money/insurance/etc#i dunno.#i wouldnt want to cut off my siblings but i dont know if i want to come out to them either.#idk.#im just fucking scared man. like i knew that for the most part my familys politics suck donkey nuts#but it was just really insane reading thru the chat bc even the ones who i had always thought were Safer are. well. not.#theres only 2 people in my family i fully trust and would actually love to come out to and one of them is my gay uncle (<3)#and the other is my aunt who is the ONLY. other person in my ENTIRE extended family. who has left the church.#i barely see her too bc for obvious reasons she dont hang around much. lmao#but idk. im rambling and melancholic its 1130 pm#my problem here is that there are members of my family i do want to come out to#but thatll very quickly lead to Everyone knowing. and i know im not ready for that.#hrhrggh.#maybe ill come out to my brother next time we talk. as a sort of test run.#im already a lot braver than i used to be and hopefully maybe someday ill be brave enough to come out#and then immediately fuck off into the sunset with my friends <3#sigh.#if im still wanting to come out to my brother by tomorrow when im of sound mind then i think i will.#we'll see how i feel after i sleep. lmao.#winter speaks#personal#we're entering Introspective Hours here at scattered winter dot com
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bsotted · 1 month ago
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ok well. unfortunate news: sometimes ur niche is so niche u've already niched the niche. this is exactly the same as the feeling of hitting the end of ur ship tag in ao3 🥲
*edit: sorry i accidentally named like every character ever in the tags so ppl are Seeing this post who dont have the benefit of so much as a single crumb of context. if i accidentally namedropped ur blorbo its bc of this post:
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anyway. i was excited for recs bc i also enjoy this genre of fictional character. unfortunately as above the niche is niched, it turns out. at least for me, content enjoyer georg, who has apparently already seen or read everything anyone else has already seen or read except for a small handful of specific media properties that i do not wish to see or read for various personal reasons and also not literally everything ever... just the same things as everyone else has already seen and read... u get the idea. ok thnks 👍🏻
#*slowly morosely untucks the bib and folds it up again#smh#idk if that post breached containment in the wrong direction or what but there were like 3ppl apiece talking about good actual examples#and those were like 99% media i already reaaaadddd im tearjngn my hair out#but far and away most ppl flat out missed the brief#like ​i think out of almost four thousand tags about four tagged ghost. four tagged geralt. three andrew minyard. etc#sobbung im sad for me AND for yall like this is ur jam and the best u can put up for example is dean winchester????#listen i know im on the supernatural site. voluntarily. but ur really gonna tell me thats the best u can do 😭😭#like a solid handful said bucky barnes. good solid classic example i'll give it to u but its 2024 😭😭😭😭😭😭#all respect to the ppl tagging ocs tho y'all are real 🫡 bc its looking like if we want it we do gotta get in the trenches and write it 😔✊#anywya i came away with approximately one and a half recs and then 3-4 repeated vouchers for media i know i am just never gonna consume rip#and the rest of yall.. have some kinda different media literacy situation going on we went thru v different english programs i fear#😔😔#angie.txt#like i believe the boba fett girlies are right and on to something but i am simply not going down the mouse route on my own dime#so those recs are. moot#not a single trigun mention i dont think.. not vash or nick or i wouldve even given a pass to a shoutout for knives#some of u said kaz and i havent read the books but even just based on the tv series p sure i can respect that.#one i have to look into asap is whoever evan kelmp(?) is- whatever hes from im not familiar and seems promising.#izzy hands im so sorry. im fundamentally incapable of watching ofmd unfortunately i watched black sails first#wasnt aware it was going to ruin other pirate related media for me when i made that decision 😭😭#i respect the arcane shoutouts but i do think it's hilarious that no two of u called out the same character.#murderbot obviously#i just think some of yall are so close yet so far and i want better for us all so goddamn badlyyy#update: i checked and op seems to have been generalizing off of boba fett/wolverine/magneto etc and yeah that tracks#smbdy said john wick - more than one actually- and while i hear u i also invite u to consider:#that man's singular desire is literally to go back into retirement in peace all he wanted was a quiet night in a rocking chair w that dog..#i dont think id go so far as to say he wouldnt know what to do with a warm bed if he got it. or attach himself to sbdy attack dog style atp#ykwim#somebody said patrick bateman.. yall are just listing names atp. darth vader? kylo? all right pack it up folks
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opens-up-4-nobody · 4 months ago
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#oh lads. lads. lads. lads. im being sucked back into the world of academia#i dont even kno what happened. a week ago i was crying bc i was like: this is impossible. i simply cannot do this.#and then i went into the lab sunday and miraculously i was able to easily read some papers. like i dont kno how to discribe how baffling it#was. like reading papers is like pulling teeth and this was somehow easy. i think maybe it was bc i let myself get distracted and wander#thru it. and then after that i got so much done this week and i was tired but having fun. and like the thing is: i fucking love evolution#it's like puzzling out the code for life in both a metaphical and literal sense. its fucking incredible. and my project is also very#interesting. if a bit intimidating in its scope. ya kno. just in the way photosynthesis is generally intimidating#but i think i have a strain thats lost chlf which is really interesting and my advisor said we might have the money to try some crispr for#my cyano children. hypothetically. maybe. and i get to do some poking around in genomes. theres so so much to love there#how could i possibly want to do anything else? and yet. and yet. here at the end of the week im so wrung out and i kno i just have to start#again on sunday and i kno im gonna have to step it up in terms of reading if i want to make it through a committee meeting and proposal#defense. not to even mention a comprehensive exam. and what do i get at the end of all this? a lifetime of academia draining my life away.#bc what i do is so academic. so whats the point? its just so frustrating.#and on top of that ive got all this data from my old lab that i kno i have to work on. and i will. i will. but with what time?#anyway the point is. i can see a path forward now where i stay here and decide the pain will be worth it despite not knowing where im going#after that. im just so tried#but right now it feels like im gonna stay until someone kicks me out#but that doesnt exactly make me feel happy. ugh. but if i stay i want to get my old pi to come here and give a seminar. ill warn her how#intimidating the department is tho. we've had 2 talks in the last 2 weeks that were... not good. particularly the one this week#like she couldnt answer a single question they thru at her and didnt seem to kno her data sets. it was hard to watch. anyway. i just want#to see my academic mother again. send me back to the desert! let me rot in a field full of sage#but send me back to the hills of an older mountain range. where i can climb sandstone cliffs and lay in carpets of moss. except i wouldnt do#that bc of all the ticks and threat of lyme disease...#anyway. im still tired. still sad. and there doesnt seem to b a way out#unrelated
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jrueships · 6 months ago
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guess whos not going in at all this week, actually
#MY MANAGER EMAILED LIKE 2 HOURS B4 I HAD TO GO IN#she finally changed my schedule (1 day) to the night shift today#(i emailed her to be safe just kinda casually reaffirming im going in at the new time & then asking if any other shifts wanted 2 be changed#bcs that sounds great to me whstever option she goes with#she ignored that question & i get a new email from her asking if i completed a training. lets called it DOC#basically a long time ago she said 'i will send you DOC instructions soon' .. a few days pass and i get three 50 paged packets#one is called NAVIGATING DOC#im like oh ok cool that must be the DOC training shes talking abt bcs the other 2 packets were abt various trainings#NAH BRUH. APPARENTLY THE DAY IM SUPPOSED TO GO IN. SHE MESSAGES ME SOME ENTIRELY ALIEN PROGRAM#and is like 'u completed this right? cus if u didnt u cant come in today.'#LIKE?? MAYBE I WOULDA IF U SENT THE SHIT#but it's also like. dam i shouldve emailed prompting her to send what she said she would n clarifying BUT FUCK#WHY DO I GOTTA?? IM NOT THE MANAGER#she literally told me the name of the program rn thru email so i type it in and see like four hour long modules to complete#mind u i aint never even been informed a WHISPER abt this new program. nothings even labeled DOC TRAINING#but my struggle is. was i notified this?? and i just didnt see??? was i supposed to clarify with her what the DOC training was exactly??#the only thing ive heard abt doc training b4 this is 'i need to send u DOC training soon' in EMAIL. so i expected an alert#abt THE DOC TRAINING... in an EMAIL notification. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS#idk man#i dont even care bro like im busy as hell & the work is just to build clinic hours so i dont care abt the money factor#it's just like. can we get this first day jitters thing over with already?? im so over this bro#yaddayadda i emailed her an apology n ill be on that ASAP shit. but i did let her know i am basically justnnow seeing this site#n if there was any email or notif that couldve/tried to inform me of its existence 2 pls let me know / figure out how to find it#so the issue doesnt occur again & i dont have to keep botherinher which im so srry of bcs med is stress n shes just trying to get by#but still bro im a lil miffed bcs she probably thinks im stupid now and now im wondering if i AM#bcs WDYM ONLINE MODULES. AINT NOBODY SAID SH IT EVEN ABT THE EXISTENCE OF THEM!!! i wouldve pressed harder 4 clarification#if i knew it was an ONLINE MODULE i had to look out for on some randomass site i didnt even know the name of until now#instead of the EMAIL UVE BEEN 'COMMUNICATING' WITH ME ON#ARREGHHHHHHHH IM NOT STUPID. I SWEAR IM NOT STUPID FUCCK MY BAKA LIFE
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orcelito · 4 months ago
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Considering the. Ahem. Ways this year has gone, I've not been thinking about it all that much, but. I did start this year with the motto of Year Of Unfucking My Life. With a few goals involved in that.
I got an official adhd diagnosis, as well as a diagnosis for PCOS. Other diagnoses in progress. Gotten adhd meds and birth control to regulate periods. I've gone back to school and I'm keeping up with it better than ever before. I've even been working on practicing driving, something I've been largely neglecting since I first got my driving permit, um... 11 years ago...
I just need to actually Get my license. And I need to get it before the end of the year. If I can accomplish that, then I'll say the Year Of Unfucking My Life was successful.
#speculation nation#i had some pretty major negative And positive influences for this goal of mine.#primary negative influence of course being my dad abruptly dying.#but that also led to the primary positive influence of the life insurance payout that's letting me just focus on school for my final year.#it's like a monkey's paw curl kind of moment. i got a genuinely astounding amount of money#more than enough to live off for a year+ and pay off the rest of my schooling.#with this i have finally exited the purgatory of part time school full time work to pay my way through school#a setup that led to endless stress (both physically and mentally) and suffering grades.#failing some classes and taking longer bc part time Anyways. locking me into years and years of this perpetual fucking Hell.#ive escaped it. school is so so so much more manageable when i dont have to work a job. im actually keeping up with my assignments.#for once theres no uncertainty about passing any of my classes. i Will pass them all. and i expect As in most if not all of them.#it's been fucking Amazing. everything i couldve wanted. and it came with the low low cost of losing my father when i was only 26.#... 'low' being sarcastic here of course. he was the 2nd worst person i couldve lost in my life. second only to my sister.#the 2nd worst grief i will Ever experience. bc he was my Good parent. hes the very reason i have a future at All.#and losing him fucked me up Severely. im still working on recovering. i kind of figure i always Will be.#thank god id already been taking spring semester off bc that would've been Horrible to go thru while in school.#i honestly probably would've just withdrawn from the semester. theres no Way id have kept up with it#given how damned BUSY those first few weeks after were. between funeral prep and inventorying and packing up his house.#so fucking much involved in settling an estate. and im the lucky one in that my sister's been handling all the legal shit.#so i simultaneously was dealt one of the most severe blows i ever Will be dealt#while also being given probably the biggest boost i'll ever get in my life.#if everything goes well with graduating and getting an IT job then i'll never want for money again.#considering there was a time early last year when i got as low as literally $7 in my bank account. this is a pretty big deal.#it's just... strange. the ways things go in life. this has been a very strange year for me.#just doing my best to use this boost to the best of my ability. even if it feels like im taking advantage of his death.#it's what he wouldve wanted me to do.
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electoons · 5 months ago
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another day another taco bell drive thru murder-suicide
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problemcore · 1 year ago
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been real cloudy here, without any rain
#halfway thru this i realized i was drawing myself and not gumi and i had to take a moment and re-gumi-fy the drawing#cant help being a gumi kinnie i guess U_U#dnoodles#vocaloid#i guess? idk i dont think a lot of people will reblog this. i actually kinda hope not.#hello dear followers#yea wow i have um. not been drawing at all lately.#not even simple doodles. i couldnt even pick up a pen.#so i sat down. turned on my favorite music. and drew what i wanted.#not what i wanted to see as the result#but what i wanted to let out of my system.#i dont really care if this looks good or bad. i dont care how messy the lines are. i dont care about the colors or the background#i just wanted to have a good time drawing again. and have a good time i did :)#i have a big drawing ahead of me i need to do. that i Want to do.#im scared of it not turning out good. especially since its for a friend. especially since im being paid for it.#but. im gonna let myself enjoy it. sink into the feeling and let the pen move on its own. indulge in the joy of creation.#i missed art. i missed posting.#sometimes i think about how i was able to crank out so many drawings in high school.#not without extreme determent to my grades of course. but still. i was drawing So Much. and i utterly loved it.#i still wish i could go back to that. perhaps i will. perhaps i wont.#but i want to let that wish go away. and. i guess. start a new chapter.#reinvent my relationship with art.#its going to be bad. its going to be messy. its going to hurt your eyes. and its going to be fun.#WOW okay that was an essay. thank you for reading.#im gonna go eat something and. actually get back to drawing. hehe
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lokh · 9 months ago
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oughh i wanted to do a cute laishuro take on the blu ray extras (what if laios had been eaten instead) but lets be honest. they absolutely would not have made it as far without laios
#they wouldve died. badly.#unfortunately ive lost the link saw it on twitter but i think laios gets knocked unconscious and imagines that it had been him that got ate#and not falin. and falin is the only one to advocate for them going back#but no one wants to go along with her presumably because they dont care for laios that much#(or at least this is laios' perception as this is just his imagination)#but also because she doesnt know as much about monsters and couldnt come up with a good argument for going back in#<- didnt know about prolonged digestion in red dragons and marcille assumed the interval was the same as in humans (1-3 days)#BUT...................... when everyone leaves falin turns back and goes in herself. and laios realises that shes always been that sort#of person and theres no point in ruminating over what could have been.#now. i want to believe that had they known falin would turn back without them. that at the very least shuro would have gone in with her.#theres no way he would have let her go on her own. and frankly i dont think he would have assembled his retainers#to go save laios rip...#marcille would have gone if she had known falin would turn back. and honestly i think she mightve known her well enough to guess this irl#anyways what i was GOING to say was maybe as they venture thru the dungeon shuro gets to learn more about laios thru falins view#maybe they get to know each other more and he opens up more about how he thinks of laios and like. falin is able to explain more about him#diffuse tension and give him a better understanding. like yeah hes still annoyed at him but he has a better view of how laios is#they get close and become better friends but maybe it also helps falin make up her mind and let him down gently............................#and maybe they go and save laios but the dragon thing still happens to him#and its again a 'you felt like that all along??' situation irt him wanting to be a monster but it turns out ok and they (laishuro)#open up to one another in the end.........................#but. again im gonna be real. they would not have made it that far LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO laios the goat for real
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