#and i don't rly feel bad abt it either

[beneathsilverstars]

i know i was just complaining about stylizing loop's body but i figured that out and moved on and it turns out the head is so much harder 😭 i'm very happy with canon loop head and post-bodycraft loop head but the in-between phase is kicking my ASS and i can't just half-ass it bc figuring out the in-between head is the ENTIRE POINT of this WHOLE PROJECT....

i think part of the problem might be that unlike with the body, i do have an extremely clear idea of what is happening with the head physically and how it would look irl, it's just. a very difficult thing to draw. so i keep rejecting ideas that look good bc they're not my actual headcanon, but then also rejecting attempts to faithfully depict the headcanon bc they don't look good. head in my hands

[phagodyke]

was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

#please don't use threads please please please please please

#why are y'all so eager to jump from one billionaire nightmare monopoly corporation to another

yeah so don't use meta threads lol

i mean it's no surprise but still

[what-r-we-even-doing]

OH. MY. GOD. snzblr. i just came up with the literal best idea omfg

picture it: there's this character with the fetish who's rly embarrassed abt it. like, they won't even say the word sneeze, much less bring themselves to announce their sneezes. they try their hardest not to snz around ppl but sometimes they can't hold it back. AND I PRESENT TO YOU--

they're getting a tattoo. let's say it's somewhere close to the face, like the cheek or the neck or the upper chest. and they start to feel a tickle in their nose while the artist is working. and ofc they try so so hard to hold it back, but it's not helping. they're going to sneeze.

this is so bad for so many reasons. obviously this is some sterile equipment, so they really shouldn't sneeze all over it. and the artist is getting rly close to their face at the moment and ofc they don't want to snz all over them either. and to top it off, jostling their body all of a sudden like that would definitely mess up the tattoo, and, yk, permanent and all that. so it would be RLY RLY BAD for them to sneeze right now.

BUT THEY LITERALLY CAN'T HOLD IT BACK. so obviously now they need to tell the artist what's happening, before it's too late!! but they're so shy!! they're turning bright red just at the THOUGHT of having to announce their sneeze! so they wait as long as they possibly can, until they're at the point of no return, to get out a whispery "i'm go--HhHHihh--gonna sne---" and the artist pulls back at the last minute in surprise and still gets sprayed a bit with the big release--HHHITSHHOOO!

BUT IT GETS BETTER. because what if the artist saw the look on the client's face. what if they KNEW this person was about to sneeze. what if the client's hands were in a position where they couldn't use them, like maybe one was actually getting tattooed or they were holding a stress ball or a phone or something. what if they couldn't use their hands. and what if the artist knew a full sneeze would definitely ruin the piece. AND WHAT IF they reached up and pinched the client's nose to help them stifle😳😳😳DO YOU SEE THE VISION GUYS. what if the client had to beg the artist to help them keep it contained (yes i'm sure you were wondering when this was gonna circle around to that trope😂)---"help, i have to--snee--eHhhihh--pinch my no-hhhse..."

🫠🫠horn brain activated. sorry for the rant.

[solargeist]

Does Grian reflect some of the manerisms Aether treated him with when he was with the Watchers onto baby Xelqua? I think you said before that he didn't really have parents so him only kinda knowing how to parent because of being treated like a child back with the Watchers is really sad and really cute

Also since after season eight Xelqua can come and go as he pleases does that mean that Aether and Flora can to? Or at least see what's going on there with Watcher magic and stuff?

oh yes ! i've thought abt that before !! but wasn't sure how to draw it, but yes ! Grian does accidentally mimic Aether, even with things he didn't like.

Like, the Watchers used to coo over how cute he is, showing off his wings or commenting on his height, making him feel small and embarrassed--but they did this out of genuine adoration. Grian sorta does mimic this with Xelqua, he's so small its ridiculous, isn't it ? But look at his ears, they're so big ! Grian does this bc he does think its cute. (xelqua likes the attention at least haha)

Tho with some things, Grian remembers and purposely does the opposite, even tho its not exactly the best choice either. Like with food, he only got food if the Watchers allowed it/he asked, but Xelqua can pick and eat whatever he wants, whenever, and yes this would be good--but sometimes kids make bad choices and eat a lot of candy and get sick to their stomach, like, no you can't have the entire bag, lets put a few in a bowl, yknow ? He has to learn this, hard way ! Xelqua throws up on his rug.

Grian used to get upset abt people messing with his food cabinets, bc he has a food hoarding issue due to food insecurity, but hes gotten more steady abt it.

But with a lot of parenting things, Grians sorta learned along his entire life, he's already 30 by time Xelquas around, and he raised Pearl--even if they were kids at the same time--it sorta helps now.

Grians also learning to relax and take things slower, not stress and overwork himself, thats something he also struggled with the Watchers, and he has to bite his tongue and swallow his disdain when Xelqua is being lazy (being a kid, rly) bc he's aware enough to know thats just the Watchers in his head, not his actual feelings.

Theres probably other moments, like i think when Xelqua hugs Grian's leg or leans against him, Grian ruffles his hair in a specific way he remembers Aether doing to him. But i can't think too much rn i'm sleepy !!

And !!! Thats an interesting thought, Xelqua..... in his natural form... is on his own level, he can do what he wants, rly. The Watchers........ Don't necessarily have a reason to go in and out of Hermitcraft, but they're aware of it now post s8. Since Watchers are based off viewers, i think they Watch the Hermits, but don't interact or control anything, its a sturdy world. I haven't rly thought abt this, i've had a few random ideas, like grian writing letters, but i dont know anything for sure. The AU around this point becomes a badly drawn horse i think ADGKAJK

[one-strugling-bean]

Im halfway through TMA at this point - ive essenctially been binging nonstop since MAG 54, and I'm about to start MAG 103.

I stopped now so i could get a moment to properly process everything and like.........

How did we get here???

The first 50 or so episodes look so simple and straightforward now - Jon was a paranoid harumph harumph of a guy, Martin an awkward patootie, Tim the funny flirt that secretly held the braincell, Elias was shady and useless, Not!Sasha made me sad, the stories were spooky and inexplicable, and every time there was a live statement episode i did a little dance of excitement

Jon's character can be sumed up like this rn

Now suddenly Jon is an anime magical girl?? And a damsel in distress?? Except no one's coming to save him cause everyone lowkey/highkey hates him :T

(Martin excluding, of course)

And Martin and Tim..... God i feel for them so bad. Especially Tim. Hes so different from the 1st season. He sounds so dead inside and so upset. I want him to be able to leave so bad...

I adore the additions of Melanie, Basira and Daisy to the Archive, - i enjoy all of their voices so much, they sound so niiiice - but wow, talk about a status quo change, huh. Everything changed so damn quickly and surprisingly, it never felt forced

Elias is... honestly not a very threatning menace (though he's an asshole). Hes just kinda there. Spooky and menacing but also fairly chill unless provoked. He feels more like a neutral force with bad working methods, rly.

On a different note, though, we have Gertrude. Im kind of adoring finding out more stuff abt her. That lady..... Damn she was cool but so scary. Blowing up historical caves, understading so much abt the creepy creatures crawling the earth - i swear every time i hear more abt her she only gets scarier!

AAAAND i'm starting to take the statements less and less srsly :/ which is kinda sad. Think its because now I'm starting to recognize the creatures and the unknown element is slowly stripping away. Most of the statements that aren't directly involved with the bigger plot or dont particularly interest me, i just half listen to them in x2 speed (except for the endings, because they always have something)

One last thing: please don't kill any more assistants, podcast, I beg you... I have gotten to attached to all of them, and idk if jon could handle it (I wont either)

[sparklingcid3r]

my hc is tht paul and darry were close and darry was genuinely rly popular but when he wasnt around the socs still said shitty things abt him and the greasers? wut is ur hc for how the socs (specifically bob) treated darrel? wut was paul doing abt it?

I defff agree that Paul and Darry were probably like Soda+Steve levels of close, you can’t have a beef as nasty as they do during the rumble without being close first.

Here are my hcs! Bob is near the bottom if you still want him specifically, I just got excited by the question lmfao

- Darry are Paul are absolutely part of the popular cliques at school. They’re football stars and shit, girls are hanging off of them at parties

- The girls probably get a kick out of getting with a greaser just for the thrill of being with a “bad boy” or whatever, they pretty much use him for that and then don’t say hi to him in school if they aren’t like the girlfriends of Darry’s buddies, yk?

- Darry doesn’t really know how to feel about that, but in the end he doesn’t really care much about what the girls at school think of him. He’s a teenage boy, if she’s down, he’s down

- I would honestly venture to say that Bob and the Socs still do say shitty things about the greasers even WITH Darry around to hear. And then they'll kind of look at Darry and be like "Yeah but you don't count, man. You're barely even a greaser" or "You don't act like you're from the East side or anything."

- I honestly don’t think he’s saying much to defend the greasers, but he’s def not joining in on the verbal beat down. He'll be silent for as long as it lasts, and if someone tries to get him to talk shit about his side of town he'll just shut it down with smth along the lines of "I don’t really notice tbh” and that’s usually the end of that

- He honestly did used to care how the Socs saw him before his parents died, but he wasn’t going to betray his side of the tracks either

- As for Bob, I think him and Paul were buddies so by extension Darry hung out with him a lot. Imo Bob was absolutely the one starting shit and antagonizing Darry to his face, which is what sparks the “Darry’s one of the good ones” comments bc yeah the Socs actually do like Darry, but they don’t like the greasers. The mental gymnastics goes crazy on the West side

- Where Paul is concerned, he’s defending Darry and maybe Pony and Soda, but that’s where he draws the line. He’s not sticking his neck out for Two-Bit or Dally or even Johnny, and especially not for any greasers he doesn’t know

- And I mean that’s where Paul and Darry’s deterioration probably starts. Darry’s been fine with his side of town getting ridiculed for four years, but during senior year he’s kind of just tired of it when college is right around the corner. He would feel like he’s grown up at least a little bit while everyone else is still an underclassman about it

- All of those feelings accumulating and then his parents die and he just stops making an effort. To hang, make plans, or reach out

This is all the result of just saying what comes to mind when I think of the question, so honestly it could change the more into Darry’s high school life I get. But these are my initial thoughts!

Thanks for the ask!<3

[my-traumacore-sideblog]

feeling rly unsafe 2day, but it's specifically bc of being a trans guy, i keep seeing stuff from cis women abt how men r always the worst and how men hav a duty 2 make their lives revolve around women or else we're sexist, how apparently men need 2 all b willing 2 lay down their lives 4 any woman or else we're just as bad as the creeps who make ppl feel unsafe 2 go out at night and yes i said people not just women but they only want 2 acknowledge it when it's a cis woman that's the victim

i did not fucking sign up for this

i did not fucking sign up 2 sacrifice my life either literally or thru dedicating my life only 2 others just because the pronoun "he" fits me better than the pronoun "she"

i should not hav 2 worry that im an inherently bad person because of being a gay trans man

i should not hav 2 worry abt being perceived as a threat bc of being a queer man of colour

i've honestly started to hav thoughts abt de-transitioning not bc being a guy in the way i am doesn't fit me but rather out of fear of the scrutiny every action of mine will b placed under

i was sexually abused as a child but i guess that doesn't matter anymore because im a man now, boys don't cry they punch ig, apparently since im a man now it means im destined 2 become that which hurt me

all i want is to be a man, in a nonbinary way yes but still a man (demi-guy), i want to love men who love me back, i want to live a quiet life surrounded by love and happiness, i want to live a gentle life

but no.... because im a man now then apparently it must make me predatory in some way

i can't de-transition... i know i wouldn't survive emotionally... so i stick with it, with allowing myself to be a demi-guy.... but it hurts knowing that me being free is perceived as dangerous, that im seen as inherently a threat to women

edit: so a terf started clowning this post, just 2 make this shit clear, this is not a fucking debate blog this is a me posting abt my feelings blog, i would've thought the url "my-traumacore-sideblog" would've made that clear

also no racism and sexism is not the same thing

yes women face oppression at the hands of men and should be allowed to talk about it but men also face oppression at the hands of women and should be allowed to talk abt it, 4 men who r not in a minority group this is usually in terms of legal stuff (how r*pe is legally categorised, custody disputes ect) but this is even more of an issue and more every day when it comes to men in marginalised communities, yk like me, yk like what i was venting abt in my fucking post i should b allowed 2 talk abt my own oppression 2 and acting like me venting abt my own oppression in a post tagged as a vent post on my vent blog makes me the same as my white oppressors is not only terf shit but also racist and it shows a lack of political literacy, a woman has just as much capacity 4 violence as a man but a queer man of colour is seen as inherently violent and a white woman is inherently seen as always being a victim but ur ok w/ these white women using that power of perceived vulnerability 2 call 4 violence against queer men and men of colour and especially queer men of colour just say u want cis women klansmen and leave im not backing down from talking abt my own oppression bc of white woman tears

anyways person who clowed is now blocked so don't bother trying 2 respond 2 my edit

[wordy-little-witch]

Hiiii i hope im not annoying u or anything w my frequent asks dksjzjzjz if so pls dont feel pressured to answer it, it do be tiring esp in this heat n economy 😬

i just saw another great post abt buggy having oblivious survival clown rizz and im like that victorian era boy with a bowl saying "pls sir" CUZ i need more of it😭🥹🤲🥣 i never knew i needed it but now my eyes are opened,,, so im guessing buggy has rizzed more than half of the entire pirate population and the landlubber population, but does dis also extend to the enemy/marines? 😳 also can i ask for more buggy accidental rizz headcanons n ideas? Actually any ideas u have r rly great, its extra dopamine or feels when u update lmao

thank u for replying to my questions🥹

Hiiiii~ don't worry about being annoying, love, I love hearing from you! Honestly, having asks makes me all fluttery and happy, it's like digital tumblr penpal friendship hehe~

As for Accidental Rizz Buggy, BABES I have TOO MANY THOUGHTS

On the Marine topic, ABSOLUTELY and I am LOSING IT over the mental image of Buggy having a fan club in the Navy and he just Doesn't Know.

I already ship Rosinante/Corazon and Buggy ANYWAY and so I am so down for pirate/marine ships bc it's so good ong-

Specifically speaking, I can see Buggy accidentally doing some accidental charming either by showing some of his rarely touched on moral ambiguity. Like. Dude does not subscribe to the general populace, he marches to his own drum and we love him for it. The world of One Piece has a recurring theme of Morally Gray and No Such Thing As Good Or Bad type of stuff. Especially with Pirates vs Marines.

So like. Imagine Buggy being involved in some sort of mad wild bullshit hunt/fight, he's escaping the Marines, he's cackling, making a show of it and between one taunt and the next, he catches sight of movement in an alley way.

Two pairs of eyes stare back, wide, terrified, and he freezes.

Immediately all fight and threat drains, and he turns to the alley. "Hey," he greets softly, not too gently but with care dripping from the vowels. "What are you brats doing out here, huh? It's dangerous."

The Marines try to cut in and Buggy disengages at best, forces them back at worst.

"Time and a place," he tells them, "change of plans, there's kids here. Time out, buddy."

He's soft with them, but not alarmingly so to their wild eyes. He recognizes the signs there, and he simply lets them choose their pace.

The officers there view a new side of a fierce pirate, one who would quail under a sharp look one moment and glare back, hissing in fury thr next to a commanding officer with two little ones to protect. He is multifaceted. He is complex. He is.....

Really pretty.

Uh oh.

<><><><><><><><><><><><>

Bonus, Buggy absolutely accidentally charms the FUCK out of Sengoku, both in a CoraBug sense and in a non shipping sense. I feel like Buggy would annoy his way into being Sengoku's beloathed favorite. He's suffering through it all. Very much "unfortunately, I like you" type of deal.

<><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy: does something surprising/cute/attractive/competent

The world: oh I guess I gotta kiss this muppet senseless

[dandyshucks]

hi im sorry i hate to do this but my one friend is offline rn, they're either asleep or distracted, and i just. would rly like a kind word fjdkdl i cannot stop shaking uhm I'll explain i guess

under cut bc i dont want to look at it the words abt the stuff that happened more than necessary, nothing too bad, just... homophobia/transphobia i guess

a person im making friends w irl invited me to a server she's in bc she wanted me to meet her friends that she games with, so i did that and its been okay but they were saying some sort of misguided stuff abt queer ppl, they seemed like they had good intentions but just didn't have the right knowledge. so i sent a few msgs to the chat to try to clear it up and i was very patient and kind and clear and.

i got this as a response. so im. yeah. not doing great now lol which is stupid bc I've experienced worse irl so why is smth online making me so upset idk

anyways 1) idk what to do or how to respond bc im not rly... part of that group, and 2) i feel very sick and upset and cannot stop shaking lmao. also 3) i feel stupid for trying to be nice. i still kind of think they maybe just don't speak english well and don't realize exactly what theyre saying and are just kind of ignorant but idk im tired and scared irl so i dont want to be scared online too and i dont want to be the person to educate them

[sleepboysummer]

rtc hcs i have that most of the fandom doesn't agree with bc i am realizing my perceptions of the characters don't match up with a lot of ppls?

(maybe i just really love abingdon mischa cause genuinely i can NEVER picture mischa as anything different than him)

noel is a baggy pants guy. where did we get it from that he ONLY wears super skinny jeans?? cause i feel like everyone agrees on that

speaking of. noel totally loves horror movies what are u guys even thinking

ocean has curly hair

tammy is super popular and randomly decided to take penny under her wing to try and make her popular too. the Almighty Ruler of st cassians.

constance absolutely smokes weed and if anyone tells me differently u guys are WRONG!! tired of seeing her being the only 'responsible' person cause she literally is NOT!!

however.. penny.. she tried to smoke once and coughed so hard she cried and threw up. she is too embarrassed to try it again and will choke anyone who mentions it.

ocean has never once questioned her sexuality because she thinks that thinking of Anyone romantically is wrong and against religion. like she thinks even straight romance is bad

noel is asian (i feel like everyone sees charcters as looking like the 2016 cast but idc be creative like u are for ricky and jane :3)

'savannah' wasn't a name for ricky, but the name of his favorite character he wrote about

ocean is not short

also. mischa IS short. noel is like 5 inches taller than him

ricky and penny are autistic and mischa has adhd

ocean and constance have Never liked each other in either direction..i just can not see it..

the only ships im rly into are spacedolls sugardolls and passionflower/mischalia personally :3 others are cool too but those r the ones that i like

ricky doesn't dress super crazy or nerdy, he only has little touches in his clothes of things he is interested in (like a planet bracelet or stickers on his headphones) and he actually is cool as fuck

i only have one genuine queer hc and that is ricky is pan but. i feel like that is basically canon after sabm especially the earlier versions. i am queer myself i just usually dont think abt characters sexualities or anything like... ever? but he is just so obvious

however i also think its super funny to imagine him as this super mega straight guy who is just coincidentally RREEAALY into catgirls and dressing up like david bowie. and some rickys totally have that energy (see: tulane theatre)

i also fully believe that penny lamb isnt a reincarnation or her original life.. she was penny before and after the accident... karnak is literally magical who says he cant let her restart from when the accident happens (but without dying this time)

[mwagneto]

sherlock & co. review from an insane person (me) coz this is like. the 25th? sherlock adaptation i've checked out so ofc i have opinions on everything ever. and ik ppl who work on indie podcasts browse tumblr sometimes so just in case you work on this DON'T click keep reading, this post is not for youuu shoo. thanks x

ok so far it's like. fine? which is lowkey sad coz i wish it was smtg i really liked but it hasn't gripped me yet which is a shame but yknow. early days. i'm giving it time since it's only 15 episodes so far

my main issue is like. i really wish it wasn't so obviously influenced by bbc but it just so clearly is which is a shaaame like it's better than bbc in every aspect but yknow. not a high bar to clear. like it kinda feels like they liked a lot of things abt bbc and set out to fix the bad parts (h&w friendship being nonexistent, the mysteries being shit) but just kept the rest? in some places keeping things that were invented by bbc which is. baffling tbh

i'm not really picky when it comes to h&w personalities like i think it's fine to just do whatever you want w them, i think it's really fun when an adaptation gives them different personalities than what you're used to but, and this is where it feels far too bbc-ish for comfort, i just don't like it when sherlock is a cunt for no reason? like. he's not a mean person he's only mean in bbc coz moffat thought house md was cool and ripped it off. can we stop making him mean pleeeease 😭 he's just some guy..................

h&w relationship wise it's like... ok so i tend to go into adaptations with a fully clean slate so like i never let my general attachment to them influence how i view them in specific adaptations, the work itself needs to sell me on both the characters and the relationship and like... here neither of those really happened yet which makes me sad coz i think by now it should've but i'm giving it time. at least they're friends and i like that watson is useful for cases/knows things holmes doesn't sometimes coz thats like. such an essential element to sh stories for me and a loooottt of adaptations tend to just completely forget it so that's a win but idk if anything they're too tame? like i dont expect a romance but they can't just be casual friends they need to be bat shit crazy about each other. to me. but like maybe that'll develop over the rest of the podcast we'll see

kinda related to that point but case-wise i think holmes is a bit too ahead of everyone else sometimes which isn't inherently a problem but it does once again smell of bbc which like. noone should ever emulate moffat writing don't do that 🙏 god bles. but i've been able to solve every case along with/before the mcs which is like. thee point of mystery stories for me so yea i really like the stories themselves so far, especially the way they manage to make them solvable even without visuals or narration. OH and i almost forgot but i rly like the soundtrack, i love it when sh soundtracks have a heavy emphasis on violins coz. yknow

howeverr i am on my hands and knees begging them not to give watson a girlfriend tho like please oh myfffucking god . obvs watsonlock doesn't usually factor into my enjoyment of adaptations given that like. y'know. out of the hundreds out there theres only two where either of them is even gay so it's not something i expect nor require but like. to me it is essential that these two ppl are insane abt each other and don't really have anyone else, definitely noone important. like even the rdj movies got this despite ritchie's obsession w the 2 men 1 woman dynamic so idk why i'm constantly having to wage a war against random unnecessary romances for either watson or, god forbid, holmes. when the only interesting relationship either of these men have is with each other. that one granada holmes quote about them choosing not to include mary coz holmes and watson dont need anyone else etc etc. like i seriously dislike it when they introduce anyone else like cmonnnnnn thog dont care

anyway tldr. i guess if asked to pick a short description i'd say. promising? i hope it's gonna be good in the long run. the way they do mysteries is already something i like so. i hope they keep that up and i hope the h&w relationship evolves into something i enjoy coz so far i'm like. i can see the bones of smtg i'll potentially like but it's not there yet. but also like. this is an indie production i'm listening to for free so ion wanna rip into it these are mainly just what i liked/disliked based on the preferences i developed with this one quick trick (grow up completely insane abt sherlock holmes -> consume every adaptation that you can get your paws on -> no profit)

[time-to-write-and-suffer]

Hmm :///

I'm still not sure what to use for my art and commissions and stuff. I want to have a nice, neat place where I can just have some of my stuff sorted into organized albums and categories, which is mainly why I don't want to use Tumblr anymore. Well no, I will still probably post stuff on Tumblr, I just want a place I can link to and be like "here's all my stuff, no need to scroll through confusing tags to find specific things!" But all the sites for posting art are either bad or don't fit my vibe.

Artstation is for "proffesionals" and has an industry-centric vibe and I don't want to slap my stuff up on there necessarily, plus I have my IRL school things and potential future portfolio stuff on there and don't want to get my different accounts confused. But technically Artstation has everything I "need" for art posting.

Deviantart just feels like a wasteland at this point. Again, technically has what I need, but there's like nobody there except kids and AI slop. It feels like it's only a matter of time before it goes down tbh. So it could work, but I have a bad feeling about it.

Ko-fi has a gallery function and albums and some commission-specific stuff, so that could work, but it is also like ... a donation site? And it would feel weird to be like "here's all my art!! on this site where you can just give me money. that's a coincidence though i prommy :)" I do have an ancient account on there so it could work, technically. I just dunno abt the optics?

Notion isn't rly meant for art posting, but it is a thing that I could conceivably customize to fit my needs? So I could try that?

And then there's Patreon, which has the same issues as ko-fi but also no gallery stuff, but I do have an account on there so I could probably set that up, too. Plus, it might also double as somewhere to post my writing.

[quirkle2]

PLEASE PLEASE TALK ABOUT THE LEGENDS ARCEUS AU I'M SO NORMAL ABOUT IT <- LYING I AM NOT NORMAL

HI WE'LL BOTH BE NORMAL TOGETHER

(uhm warning for injury/blood/whump, parental death, uhhhhhhhhh fire? a lot happens (also idk if the read more thing has been fixed so let's pray. i refuse to smack these long ass paragraphs in front of innocent bystanders (this is so long. im so sorry)))

ok so reigen is the professor of the galaxy expedition team and u may be wondering how he got that job: lying :)! he claims he knows everything abt pokemon and that he's been studying them his whole life when in reality he's not even totally sure how many pkmn types there are. granted, the rest of the team doesn't either, so his ability to bluff himself out of any given situation is massively helped by their cluelessness

he just wants to sleep in a bed with blankets and eat food to survive and lying into the professor position was the quickest way he saw to get there. he'd been wandering in the wilderness for a while since coming to hisui before that and it kinda sucked. bro just wants a house in this crippling economy

mob n ritsu were originally from another village! they don't meet reigen until mob is 9 (ritsu 8). there's no powers in this au but mob's whole shtick is that he takes the,, extreme pacifist route i guess? he thinks pokemon r to be respected and loved and Not Bothered and he's against the use of pokeballs to store them and commanding them to battle each other, etc. essentially if he were in a modern era he'd think the way present-time people treat pkmn is, for the most part, cruel

anyway their hometown gets attacked by pkmn and the village is destroyed. their parents die protecting them, so 9-year-old mob was left to fend for himself n his little brother alone. they travel together kinda aimlessly for 7ish months until they get remarkably (unknowingly) close to jubilife village and come across that giant fuckin rapidash before the bridge

it's their first alpha pkmn encounter. neither of them have pkmn to defend themselves with (mob's reason: he ain't like that. ritsu's reason: He Is Eight and Scared). mob has always been able to empathize w pkmn a lot and sorta get a read on what they're thinking, so the vibes comin off that rapidash were rancid and he was worried abt it. mob has never been afraid of pkmn, not even the rly big and scary looking ones. so he approaches it with the intention of calming it down, seeing what's hurting it. he makes ritsu stay back in case things go bad

he's kicked in the head. if u forgot how big that rapidash is just google it. the hooves r the size of ur player character's head and ur player character is like 15. mob is 9. the fact that he doesn't die immediately upon impact is a miracle. the fact that he survives longer than 5 seconds after the fact is basically divine intervention

the doodle i made in the top left corner of ritsu screaming is this ^ encounter. he watches it happen, and then watches in horror more as the rapidash panics at ritsu's scream and rolls a flame wheel over his brother's limp form. ritsu manages to dive for him and run, but the kid is thoroughly terrified and traumatized

i'll spare u the horrid bits but long story short ritsu finds a cave to settle in and while he's rly inexperienced with medical treatment he does his best. his best isn't very good in the grand scheme of things but him being 8 is a pretty damn good excuse. he camps out there for Three Whole Days waiting for his brother to wake up or respond to literally anything but it isn't happening and the longer this goes on for the more terrified ritsu gets

mob's taught him how to survive pretty well all things considered, but ritsu is a lot more worried abt mob than taking care of himself and he ends up neglecting his own needs pretty fiercely. he feels too sick w guilt/fear to eat. he tries to stay up as long as he can in case mob stirs. by the end of it he's pretty worse for wear too

reigen finds them while out in the field doing research (wasting time). he sees a little kid half stuck in a bush looking for berries and when reigen tries to get his attention ritsu, who is extremely on edge and sleep deprived and scared, just straight up screams at him. reigen sees his dirty clothes and skinny arms and flushed face (fever. definitely fever) and alarm bells ring in his head to not let the kid go no matter what cuz he Will lose him otherwise

once ritsu gets his bearings and realizes this is a human (first one other than mob he's seen in forever) and not a pokemon coming to kill him he starts crying to him abt his brother and reigen feels his heart drop to his stomach bc if This kid is worried about a brother who is supposedly worse off,,, dear god

ritsu leads reigen to mob. the dressings around his arm where he was burnt are completely incorrect and most definitely horribly infected and ritsu didn't rly do Anything for the head injury other than clean the blood away bc well. again. he's 8. idek if eight year olds know what concussions are

reigen BOOKS it back to jubilife faster than he's ever ran and halfway through he realizes ritsu has passed out in his arms too (kid's probably exhausted beyond belief. reigen has no idea how long they've been like this but he guesses a while) everybody in the village is kinda horrified when the professor comes back with two hurt kids, one of which is on death's door. the medical team there does everything they can

it takes a while for mob to wake up, but thankfully he does in the end. reigen finds out thru ritsu that they've been alone for "a long time" (ritsu doesn't know. doesn't rly remember. reigen asks mob when he wakes up and mob says he stopped counting somewhere after day 140)

even though mob still isn't quite back to his old self and is still generally confused and Slightly Off, the doctors say he'll be okay after a few weeks and reigen has unintentionally gotten very attached to these kids. ritsu had told him their parents died during the attack on their village. they have nowhere else to go, and like hell is Any member of this village gonna be happy with simply throwing them out into the wilderness again. so reigen takes them in

anyway that's how they meet <3 GVEYAI mob is back to his normal self (the occasional Moment of Confusion comes around from the brain injury, but they taper off after a while) and reigen is very much surprised to see that mob, as ritsu has described to him, still very much loves every pkmn he comes across. he gets a bit nervous around rapidashes in particular, but other than that, mob is still just as caring and just as respectful as ritsu described him to be. ritsu is scared of bigger pkmn like any other kid is. mob is an exception, even after that experience.

reigen waits about a year so that they have time to settle and recover (and so that he has time to observe), and then he gives them each a pokemon. this might seem odd, but mob has never expressed any ill will toward Any pkmn, and ritsu still smiles at the smaller ones

he gives them a choice between the pla starters that have been hanging around his office. mob picks cyndaquil and names her cindy. ritsu picks rowlet and doesn't name him at all (this gives reigen pause, but ritsu seems to have a new fire in his eyes, so he brushes the worry away)

when they're of age (mob waits for ritsu to reach 13. they do everything together) they both join the survery corps, and mob ends up becoming reigen's assistant :]! reigen is admittedly a little worried abt this development, about his kids going out into the wild, but they both seem ready for it (ritsu seems ... a little Too ready for it considering his past) so he relents

mob has made his opinions about pkmn clear, especially to reigen, and reigen has ended up adopting some of his ideals since he met him bc they,, well thwy sound reasonable. they sound nice. mob doesn't ever put cindy in a pokeball, and cindy had never once been in a battle other than play fights with rowlet. mob treats cindy like any other normal pet, like a friend. he looks at those boxes of pokeballs in reigen's office with a frown. he finds the idea of fighting pkmn in the wild for sport despicable. he openly scratches out the pokedex tasks like "defeat 10 times" with disdain. reigen starts seeing another world that he never rly considered before, with mob

this is where reigen senses some,,, tension, between the boys. ritsu evolves his rowlet into a dartrix remarkably quickly since joining the survey corps, and not even a few weeks later he's a got decidueye on his side. ritsu catches pokemon left and right and if they're "not strong enough" he keeps them in pokeballs until he remembers they exist again. he works on building a team with no weaknesses, or as few weaknesses as possible. bro invents competitive pkmn

obviously, mob sees this and ,,, doesn't like it. he doesn't like how Distant ritsu is with his pokemon, with creatures that he wholeheartedly believes should be treated as friends or family. he doesn't name any of them, he spends nearly all his earned money from the survey corps on items that boost their strength, but almost no money toward items for comfort, or even treats, or toys. ritsu treats his team like they're tools. the relationship between ritsu and his pkmn is,, strained. mob can sense they aren't nearly as happy as they could be

but mob knows that he can't just,, police ritsu on how he should handle his own pokemon. he may not agree with how ritsu approaches the subject, or with how ritsu's first instinct for anything pkmn is usually "fight it," but mob knows ritsu Does like pkmn. ritsu's never hated pkmn, he's just,,, scared of them, sometimes. he thinks maybe this is his way of making himself feel protected. mob doesn't like the idea of taking that away from him, no matter how much seeing ritsu refrain from giving his team a break grinds on his soul

little does he know, ritsu's strictness with his pkmn isn't born out of a fear for himself at all. he's building a dependable team to protect his brother. that's the whole reason he's doing this, the whole reason he didn't name rowlet when he first got him. ritsu knew that if he were to do this, he couldn't get attached to them, bc losing pokemon in fights is a very real possibility. it's been drilled into each and every one of his pkmn's heads that they r to protect mob at all costs. if there's a repeat of That incident, ritsu doesn't think he can handle it (>:])

WOW THIS IS ALREADY SO LONG i haven't even gotten to the kleavor part yet. fuck. if ur still reading this can i have ur hand in marriage /silly

OKAY SO . The Game's Plot comes in, finally. took long enough. reigen starts getting reports of frenzied nobles and he's most worried abt kleavor bc it's rather close to them, and the village could very well be in danger if kleavor decides to say fuck you in particular. so reigen goes Hey This is an Actual Threat That Needs My Attention I Have to be Competent For a Sec and spends the next few weeks tirelessly searching for an answer for this kleavor. some of the staff have already gotten mauled by it. reigen cannot ignore this and put it on somebody else like he usually does

the whole town is getting antsy, and mob most definitely notices. ritsu's jumpy all the time anymore, like he expects kleavor to rampage through the streets any second now. reigen looks tired and worn down, and he's been coming home later and later. mob watches as reigen makes plans to use force against kleavor with a sour taste in his mouth. he tries to tell reigen that force isn't the answer here. reigen, bless him, doesn't know how to tell a kid that friendship and rainbows isn't always the answer

after another week or so, mob's had enough. they've gotten nowhere closer to calming kleavor and more people have gotten injured, so mob quietly writes a note and leaves it on his bed, makes sure he doesn't wake up ritsu or cindy, and leaves the house before reigen comes home. he sneaks out over the fence so the guards at the gate don't catch him. he sets off to go see kleavor

he fully and truly believes that force is not the answer. he fully and truly believes that if he goes up to kleavor with no pokemon to fight it with, no weapons or spears pointed at it, and just a calm voice and peaceful demeanor, kleavor will see there is no danger. the galaxy team's previous attempts have all centered around violence and scare tactics. nobody has recently come up to its territory without posing a threat. mob genuinely just thinks that kleavor needs calm

reigen finds the note. freaks the fuck out. immediately rounds up every person in the village that's capable of fighting and they march out of the village to save a kid who's in way over his head. reigen makes ritsu Promise him that he will not leave the village. he can see it in ritsu's eyes, the way he wants nothing more than the come with them, but reigen gives the argument that ritsu is their strongest soldier back home and they still need to protect the village from anything else while everybody's gone. it takes all of ritsu's self-control to not go against him (he's fully set on coming with them until reigen Grips him by the arms and says "i can't lose both of you.")

mob's plan does end up working in the end, but not quite perfectly and not at all in a good way. he steps into kleavor's territory and has it calm at first, but smth changes in kleavor's eyes and whatever Force that's corrupting it surges and kleavor snaps.

mob gets Fucked Up by that thing. sliced and thrown and clawed until he can barely stand up to run away, but it's the last blow that matters. kleavor comes down on him with a chop right to his middle and everything stops. there's a sizeable gash that cuts through mob's side horizontally and kleavor's axe is stuck in the flesh there, but once mob isn't moving anymore and nothing is making kleavor afraid, the fog in its brain clears and it sees what it's done

it also sees that mob is still awake, and despite everything kleavor did to him, he's still looking at it like he knows its capacity for gentleness. even through the pain mob looks at kleavor like he Knows this isn't what it's rly like. and as soon as mob sees the light return to kleavor's eyes he smiles, blood gurgling in his throat

kleavor hears shouts from the forest, sees torchlight and panicked yells for mob. it doesn't know what to do, don't like what it sees, what it Did to this poor kid. it winces when it has to slide its axe out from the gash in mob's side—the squelch it makes and the Noise mob lets out is the last thing kleavor needs to book it

u can only imagine how fuckin hysterical reigen feels when he sees mob on the ground like that. they brought half of the medical team just in case and reigen is rly glad they did bc if they didn't there's a good chance mob would've bled out right there within a few minutes.

he's in rly rly bad shape and is barely conscious by the time reigen grabs his face and tells him itll be okay. they bring him back to the village at record pace and every minute they take he looks paler. reigen is so scared the kid's going to die in his arms before they even get there

when they get to the gates someone from the medical team takes him from reigen's arms. reigen hears ritsu scream. the kid's shoving people away who're trying to comfort him and beelining his way to mob, but reigen catches him before he can fully see the damage bc he does Not want that bloody mess to be in ritsu's nightmares for the rest of his life

ritsu fights him and pushes him and shoves him away, screaming that he just wants to see his brother, but reigen holds him back and he ends up pulling ritsu close when the kid loses steam and just starts sobbing into his chest

to ritsu, he's failed again. to reigen, he's failed them both. to mob, despite holding onto the living world by a thread, he succeeded.

anyway that's the story so far VGEAYVUA I HAVEN'T .. FIGURED OUT TERU YET. or dimple. i know the gist of i how i want teru and mob's meeting to go tho. teru is just like ritsu but like . Worse when it comes to pokemon. uses them as tools and doesn't even rly think of them as sentient at all. until he meets mob that is :]

i'm thinkin he's the warden of sneasler! and yaknow what, just for shits n giggles and bc i love ingo too much to get rid of him, what if ingo is teru's unofficial teacher. what if. wouldn't that be fuckin hilarious and completely ruin any sense of consistency here. what if (it's happening)

i'm also pretty set on making dimple one of the wisps from the spiritomb quest that ends up following mob around. that's fitting i think

[hotchs-big-hands]

Today turned out to be Pretty Bad™ stuck down very awful bad memory lane and I just wanna clarify to ppl why I may not always answer dms/asks etc. I've only really told one person on here the big details about this, and I won't go into all the details here either but it'll be enough to explain why. I hope anyway. Idk why I'm doing this.

I'll give a quick tl;dr here because it is long and also goes into very triggering topics such as self harm/suicide.

Basically I used to have a very close best friend, who I'll call shithead, back in early 2018 until late 2022 who extremely manipulative, emotionally abusive and just very overall toxic. If you've ever seen me refer to a "shithead" in tags or whatever then its about the person imma talk abt here. I was essentially the person they turned to to talk them out of doing things to themselves, if you get me. As well as a lot of other stuff. Ended up getting therapy (but not for the right reasons tbh) and also got a bad coping mechanism where I tend to not talk to people, I keep my distance and its smth I wanna tackle but it's difficult. So if you haven't heard back from me it's not cuz I don't like you, I am fighting with my brain. Also I kinda question if I actually am a good person or not because of stuff that I did in retaliation to this person.

I'll get into details now under the cut but yeah don't read if self harm/suicide/toxic dynamics are something you don't want to hear about for whatever reason.

As above, in early 2018 I used to have a different fanfic blog for a different fandom. I won't go into detail about which fandom and what the blog was but it was fairly popular. This is how I came to be friends with them. And like at the beginning it was fucking great! We became fast friends and we had a lot of shared interests. They introduced me to a lot of games, TV shows etc. But that's also where the problems started.

They were one of those types of fans. The "very possessive over certain characters" type of fan. If they liked them and had a crush on them then you couldn't do the same cuz character belonged to them. Which at the time I didn't rly like but I used to be friends with someone in high school who was also like that about characters so I assumed it was just a thing ppl did. However, it escalated to if I had a character I liked then they'd for some reason not like them and in fact hated them. This was kinda draining cuz they never wanted to talk abt stuff I liked, without actually directly saying so. They'd just shit talk them the whole time or say they hate them. So I stopped talking about what I liked. Later, they'd suddenly really like said media or characters and only then was it fine to talk about them. But in turn they'd be possessive and if I said oh okay I'll step back from them they would make me feel like I was being stupid because "no they didn't say I couldn't like them".

Anyway thats not rly the worst of it of course, the actual bad stuff is now so again, final warning for self harm/suicide. Will square off the triggering sections.

*********************

They struggled with their mental health a lot. Like a lot. I'd be there for them to listen, offer help and support because I like to take care of ppl and make sure they'll be okay. Except it escalated to them using me to talk them out of harming themself and killing themself. And this was almost everyday/night. And need I just say they were an hour ahead of me as well btw. I went to university in 2019 originally and by December I was completely burnt out because I spent every day and night making sure they didn't fucking do anything to themself. I got at most 2-3 hours of sleep a night if I was lucky and I stopped doing my hobbies and uni work because I just had no drive to do them anymore. It was clear I was also suffering mentally. I was suicidal and thinking of harming myself as well (and unfortunately I did do so a couple times). But I prioritised them. Everything was triggering for them, and I mean that. I had a long list pinned to my wall of everything I was to avoid mentioning because it would trigger them.

They never took care about my own mental health btw, which I'm not saying they HAD to but I know it was because they just didn't care. And they said as much too. They said because they are autistic they have no empathy and therefore do not feel anything about my mental health. So I suffered basically alone.

*********************

I dropped out of uni in early 2020 and in fact went home the weekend lockdown began in the UK. Things were not good. I was still trying to be support for shithead, I went to therapy and started medication for the wrong reasons. I wanted to get better so I could take care of them. Which like. Never do that. Never go to therapy so you can be someone else's therapist. Go to therapy because YOU want to be better for YOURSELF.

We were in in a bigger friendship group spread across a few discord servers and they all broke down one way or another. One instance there was an argument between shithead and a bunch of others who were comparing who had it worse during ww2. The others were Americans but were also of Jewish heritage with family who were affected by the holocaust and shithead lives in a country near where the holocaust happened with relatives who went through a famine. Either way it was just not gonna be a good conversation. Shithead left, I stayed and like I already don't rly talk to people much in groups because its overwhelming but I did do a little bit. Someone who was friends with shithead and still in the server told shithead I was talking to the others and in turn I basically betrayed shithead. Hindsight I wish I had just left the server ages before and like maybe j shouldn't have talked to the others idk. I regret it either way and think abt it a lot.

Another few shitty things I did in response to how shithead would treat me is giving them the silent treatment, giving short answers etc. I wanted them to feel bad, but it would round back to me being told I'm a coward and horrible to them. Which maybe I was but frankly I was scared of them.

*********************

Things began to rly break down when they showed me their fresh self harm wounds, blood and all, because they were "bored". I didn't talk to them for a few days and their apology wasn't much of an apology, more just making excuses again (aka I have autism so it's not my fault). I started talking less and less because by this point my brain had had enough ig and began to close off from them and just ppl in general.

*********************

In 2022 I finally returned to university and thats also when I finally stopped talking to them. A few months ago I finally blocked them on everything. However, I still struggle with communication and don't rly do it much. It's difficult to maintain friendships and I don't trust easily. I plan on going back to therapy whenever i can because this is just unresolved. But yeah idk I'm sorry to everyone who I haven't responded to, or take a long time to respond to.

One thing that is good tho is that like, after shithead I didn't enjoy anything. I didn't rly watch or hyperfixate on anything. But last year around this time I came across an Aaron Hotchner x plus size reader fic and I've been obsessed with him since!! And now here we are, got a blog and everything for a fandom finally after so long :) so it's not all bad.

But yeah that's why I struggle keeping up with messages and asks. Idk if anyone is gonna read this but if you've read this far then thank you and you mean a lot. Big hugs to yawl and I hope yawl have a lovely day, and if not then please take it easy 💖💖💖💖

[inchidentally]

ouuhh that's not…

I swear I read it three times and looked through their blog hoping they were joking alfhaslfkh nope

BUT I do not want anyone to engage with this so I'm hiding the link - not just because it's ridiculous but because the best way to confine rpf ship drama is to leave it alone. (edit: so I lied abt this asofgsalfga I did reply to one person but only bc they put it in the main tags) I don't rly like blocking but I also don't want to have to create a million filtered tagged posts on my dash - and tbh I don't think anyone I've blocked will care anyway. this way I can still see carlando content for fun but none of the fandom nonsense.

I'm mostly posting this bc up til now I rly wanted to set aside the behavior of the fandom to continue enjoying carlando content but I just can't be bothered anymore. between the larrying and the rampant, disgusting casual misogyny - and ofc the competing with which friendship or fake ship blorbo 1 and 2 are "happier" with asgfjsalfglja. and it's not just this latest thing I get sent tweets and posts abt whole agendas to "prove" that Lando isn't "happy" with Oscar/Martin/insert man who is currently considered threatening to their concepts of Lando's relationships. some ppl even friendzone Max F and Lando and pretend Carlos means more to Lando than him so there's no limits to the insanity.

so for me atp there just isn't enough about carlando to make it worth constantly being reminded that the way too many of it's fans truly believe that these are two men are either as close to each other as they are to their real, acknowledged close friends and/or in a secret gay relationship, that their girlfriend(s) are cold-hearted PR plants/escorts rigged by an evil all-controlling PR department and once the blorbos are freed of homophobic forces (oh god Carlos' old tweets tiktokboom) they can finally have the kind of toxic heteronormative version of a queer relationship that is right with the universe.

like, rpf is only meant to be for fun and more important it is meant to be kept away from anyone involved/the general public !! but when ppl's delu results in the actual women these men choose as their partners being at best aggressively cropped out of pictures and videos* and at worst stalked, harassed, their families and employers harassed, abuse and slander left in comments sections on popular social media and team pages - yea carlando laughing together sometimes and slowed down bro hugging isn't enough lol

it’s also slightly the fact that if you picked a bunch of Lando’s reactions to Carlos and Daniel and no one knew context clues then no one would be able to tell which one he’s reacting to. Carlos/Daniel teases Lando, Lando shriek laughs and goes red, James Corden style gay innuendo, slightly tense undercurrent of men wanting to one up each other with jokes, iterations of bromance that are half sincere and half for the cameras, hashtag hashtag. Lando goes to Daniel's ranch on a whim, dando is special. Lando goes to Carlos' sister's huge society wedding, carlando is special. Lando's family likes Lando which makes carlando special. Lando and Daniel share mutual friends outside of racing which makes dando special. like, it's the same dynamic just rotated around at different times. I enjoy both ships to a certain degree but I'm kind of mystified at ppl choosing to see them as super deep and meaningful and worth fighting over.

side note g o d do I fully embrace that ppl who do these ship competitions and larrying nonsense have ZERO interest in landoscar bc we love Lily and support Lando in his many probable conquests - and bc the Lando and Oscar dynamic isn't a big bromance for the cameras and has no fake gay for fangirl consumption.

like yes pls absolutely consider landoscar inferior to carlando if it means they stay away from inventing conspiracy theories and saying they "just have a bad feeling" about Lily and start attributing everything Lando has achieved to his teammate instead of himself.

also I could be SO incredibly mean using charlos vs carlando and the difference between PR and the public trying to tear one apart but it persisting vs PR and the public being a major factor in the other persisting at all. or the fact that charlos does everything ppl want carlando to do. but there's no point spending more time on people who think that two adult men - who've both said they're as much rivals as friends and the bromance is more what the public sees - are laughing in metrically different and lesser degrees of happiness with their new teammates vs a former teammate.

like, as long as I can now not be exposed to those opinions then they have a perfect right to express them. god knows I'm not saying my blogs is worth a damn but at least I don't trash anyone's gf or try to stunt on other rpf ships for no reason

tl;dr I'm p much done trying to make carlando worthwhile for me to rb or post about. I enjoy seeing it on my dash for myself but that's it! no one will be affected by this change lafhlsahf

*I know there are a few ppl out there who do this bc they have a no-private life policy on their blogs and that's np. they aren't die hard carlando fans tho.