#and i don't really want to get rid of it

[approximateknowledge]

sigh...

so this is one of the first posts i downloaded when my egg cracked for real almost half a decade ago, back when i was still on reddit

ive had that feeling since way back in 2014 when the anime came out

it's what *got* me into anime to begin with

the combination of perfect goals and plausible deniability that was perfect for my young egg mind (also cool lightsaber fights)

and this just became the bedrock of my transition goals inadvertently, just kind of happened. kirito's ggo avatar

there's kirito in my gender

been setting root for almost a decade...

help

[uncanny-tranny]

I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.

I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:

Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)

Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)

Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often

Eat dessert first

Celebrate well, and often

Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)

Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.

Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate

Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)

Walk without having a specific destination or goal

Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.

I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.

[xitsensunmoon]

Have you ever thought about how forgetting something can be a blessing?

You, as a human, maybe wouldn't agree on that. But every time they observed you, listened to you talk about something that was tugging at your mind for weeks... And then — poof. You didn't care anymore. Something that they couldn't afford, most of the time because they remembered how bad it actually was.

Humans call it "moving on". The brain just forgets the details, washes away the negative memories. It leaves a trace, a sinking, heavy feeling in your stomach when you thought about that situation when it was mentioned. But mostly, you didn't hold the needed information anymore to care.

Often times that not, they felt jealous of such ability. Memories are their most prized possession! If anything, their only possession. But they had seen things they wanted to forget. They knew things they didn't want to know. Oh, if only they were able to click that 'delete' button in their head.

Why did no one tell them you didn't choose which things to forget?

It was quite normal for children to be a bit forgetful. It's not something that phased them.

But you're not a child. You've been an adult for so long. Why do you look at them with such... Unfamiliarity? After so many years of knowing each other. Decades! You're supposed to have tons of memories with them! Did you not cherish those memories? Did you delete them on purpose? What did they do wrong for you to even think of doing that?

How could you forget their names?

Should they ask to delete yours?

[maelancoli]

i'm kind of late to this but i just finished reading the scholomance trilogy by naomi novik and i feel like it is such an underrated urban fantasy?? taking the chosen one trope and turning it on its head with a fmc who has been prophesied to bring death and destruction, who is imbued with terrible power, but cannot even properly use said power to solve any of her obstacles because it would obliterate them and her soul. it takes a tired trope and the idea of an 'overpowered mary sue' and throws it back in your face by showing how all the power and destiny in the world is useless against a system filled with corruption that has burdened you with an easy way out (evil/destructive magic) that you can't take so now you have to work twice as hard as everyone else just to do simple, constructive spells instead of flicking your wrist and being done with it.

[nixiecat]

so there's like a fairly solid chance my surface piercings might have to come out.... they've been acting up nonstop the past couple weeks and I think at least one of them is rejecting,,,,, so it's either clean things up real good and bank on it being ok eventually or take em out

[shima-draws]

Me: Hehe Sanlu!!!!

Fandom: Oh but Zoro? Where's Zoro? What about Zoro? Including Zoro in this. Adding Zoro here because. Zoro tho

Me: KICKING YOU IN THE SHINS STOP THAT

[elvisqueso]

Pochontas (1995)

wiggins meta under the cut

here's the thing: ratcliffe is constantly being explained as a representation of the forces of greed and racism and colonialism/imperialism (arguably this can translate to capitalism as well), but what about wiggins? what is his role? he most obviously plays the role of the Fool, and provides a character for ratcliffe to have consistent dialogue with. but what does he represent?

i have a theory that wiggins is meant to represent the ethnic english, the culture of the english, and the willing servitude of the english to the evils of imperialism/greed/racism in exchange for a sense of superiority and security. wiggins is, paradoxically, both above and below the settlers in terms of status. he's a servant, but he serves the highest ranking man there. he's a yes-man, but he's also brutally truthful (spelling out for the audience ratcliffe's motivations and the immorality of the settler's presence and actions).

wiggins is also a caricature of the english to a T: he resembles many a self-styled stereotype of the typical englishman in english comedies. he's prim, a bit fussy, obsessed with gardening, a bit oblivious and silly and somewhat incessantly cheery. he's drawn, also, like an english caricature. his teeth and upturned nose in particular stand out to me.

the line "and he came so highly recommended" from each of these characters is so fascinating because of this because it highlights the mutual consent of these two allegorical characters to be involved with each other and subscribe to a master-servant dynamic, wherein ratcliffe has invested in wiggins to be useful and efficient, and wiggins has invested in ratcliffe to provide security both financially and socially. ratcliffe find's wiggins's personality (the cultural quirks of the english) trite and unnecessary. wiggins found ratcliffe's extremity to ultimately be outside of his own best interests once it could no longer protect him (ratcliffe being no longer able to provide the status and security once he was put in chains).

we can't be sure if wiggins has truly learned a lesson, however. he remains in America with some of the other settlers instead of returning to his homeland. we don't know what he intends to do there, or why he's made this choice. perhaps he's going to try turning over a new leaf and assimilate to a new society. perhaps he's going to try and influence his way into a similar position as before. in any case, we know wiggins's core motive is always going to be self-preservation. what that looks like without ratcliffe and the protections of aggressive imperialism, we simply don't know.

[gammaraydeath]

fudging canon a little bit for ro and garrus's relationship progression and stuck between a rock and a hard place because a misunderstanding is a natural outcome of the situation i have set up and yet. i hate misunderstandings.

[robo-dino-puppy]

the sunhawk, and sunwing

↓ wider version bc i couldn't decide:

i didn't really like the composition here (unbalanced and why? is the roof not straight???) but it gives more perspective on size of sunwing vs. lodge

[skywalker42]

What people think ADHD is:

So I went to my room to grab sticky notes to leave my roommate a reminder on the dryer but then I saw my week old mug on my nightstand so I went to put it away and then when I was in the kitchen I realized there's no room for it in the cabinet and now I'm measuring the wall for shelving units.

Which, yeah, it is that. It's definitely that. But it's also this series of texts I sent to my friend this morning:

[somegrumpynerd]

I read your post about if nightmare gives up his boys & my heart was aching so badly ;w;

Dadmare want what's best for his boys 😭

He does!! As much as he hates to admit it, they mean the world to him and he wants them all to be happy. Not only because of what they've done for him in helping him not hate the world anymore, but after all they've been through themselves.

Even if it meant he wouldn't see them anymore, he couldn't stand the idea that he was hurting them by keeping them trapped with him y'know? If you love somebody you have to let them go and be free. But also, maybe he could come and visit sometimes if they moved out? Or they could visit him? Please 🥺

Thankfully it doesn't come to that though, they like staying outside the castle sometimes for a little break but none of them plan on leaving, it's what they all consider home <3

Or, as Dust would put it if Nightmare asked, "we haven't paid rent in like 6 years, what kind of idiot would move out??"

[coquelicoq]

quick little check-in on how my effort to get rid of books is going:

-5 books i gave to my siblings for christmas. i will probably end up replacing at least 2 if not all of them, but i'll cross that bridge if and when i come to it

+1 book i bought at the bookstore when i was supposed to be getting a present for my sister's boyfriend (it just looked so interestingggg)

(no change) 1 book i read so that i could get rid of it, but then i liked it too much to get rid of it

(no change) 1 book i reread to see if i still liked it enough to keep it. and i did

-3 books in a series that i put in a little free library in my neighborhood after rereading

+1 book i picked up from a different little free library on the same trip

-3 books i put in a little free library in the next neighborhood over in the dead of night because i was embarrassed about my marginalia

[guy who hasn't yet received a package of books currently on its way here voice] i'm actually doing much better than i expected! i've gotten rid of 11 books and only picked up 2 new ones. and one of those is a bilingual collection of rilke poems, with the original german facing the english translation. i do not read german, but i'm still not sure how i was supposed to pass that up. the other is nonfiction about the poetry of rap. also unclear if there was a way to resist it that i just didn't know about. really don't think i can be blamed for either of those.

[aithusarosekiller]

Sorry to be annoying but I am making a new backup account incase anything happens to this one!

It is @sunstargazer and I will be moving onto it immediately if tumblr support choose to be difficult and terminate this acc for any reason!

Putting my usual tags so it's easy for my followers or ppl who may have seen me before to find

My ao3 is still flowerslefthere and my tiktok is still evermoreomens :)

[acircusfullofdemons]

I think I might need a new phone soon. The battery life on my current one seems to be ... bad. like. I will use it for not even a full 5min and it will go from 100% to 80%. And I'm not even using an app that drains the battery, like tiktok. I'm just scrolling through tumblr or pinterest.

I noticed earlier today at work where, during a 4hr shift, it went from nearly fully charged to almost 40%! And I barely touched -- one because, well, duh I'm working, and also because I noticed the battery was going down way too quicky!

Also it's oddly warm?? I think it might be overheating for some reason, which could be draining the battery. I know electronics generate heat when in use but my laptop doesn't feel that warm and it's like that when I'm not even using it, just charging.

[teakoodrawz]

" I'm a Psycho, loving it~ "

[books-coffee-and-the-woods]

the thing that gets me about the "must read 100 books a year Or Else" thing is that you just.... don't see it with any other hobby?

no one (as far as I know) is telling knitters "you have to knit 100 projects in a year, it doesn't matter if they turn out holey or misshapen or ugly, it matters that you made so many of them!" pretty sure no one is telling gamers "you have to play 100 games a year, doesn't matter if you really enjoy them or explore the worlds, what's important is that you finish them!"

So...why, and I say this as someone who's a fairly fast reader and has read a lot this year, are (terminally online) readers so obsessed with numbers? Is it because more books = more intelligent? Is it just Number Go Up mentality? I understand the thrill of wanting to beat your past self and read more books than the year before or whatever, but why do you expect to hold others to your standards??