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foxy-eva · 2 years ago

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Heart Language

Summary: Spencer has a crush on his doctor (and the feeling is mutual)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x GN!Reader

Category: Fluff

Content Warnings: Reader is a cardiologist, Spencer is worried about his health (but he's fine), mentions of (harmless) heart palpitations, blood tests, ECG and echocardiography

Word count: 2.2k

Masterlist

For thousands of years the word heart has been used for metaphors relating to emotions such as love and pain in most parts of the world. It makes sense considering cardiac activity evoked by certain sensations and feelings is a universal experience. Some cultures even believe that the soul – the essence of who we truly are – can be found in the heart.

Hearts have always been fascinating to me. So much so that in my daily life as a cardiologist I often forget my patients' faces but always remember their hearts.

However, when Dr. Spencer Reid entered my office, I knew I wouldn’t forget his face anytime soon.

He awkwardly waved at me when he stepped in, waiting for me to motion for him to take a seat. I had already taken a look at his chart and was wondering why he’d seek my expertise.

“So, what brings you in, Dr. Reid?”

He audibly cleared his voice before he began explaining, “I’ve been having very irritating heart palpitations lately so my primary care physician told me to come here to get it checked.”

When I took another look at my screen to read over his blood work, I noticed him scanning my face but he averted his eyes once I looked at him again.

“Your blood work looks fine from what I can tell,” I let him know.

“Really? It’s just that my diet consists mainly of take-out and coffee,” he confessed. “And I know I’m not getting any younger.”

I dared to ask the question most of my patients dreaded. “How often do you exercise?”

“Uhm,” he muttered, “about… once…”

Since I wasn’t sure if he’d be able to finish the sentence, I suggested, “A week?”

“A year,” he clarified, making it impossible for me to conceal the smile forming on my face.

For the first time since coming into my office he locked eyes with me and I almost got lost in the warmth they radiated. His whole demeanor gave away how anxious he must have been. Most of my patients were worried about their health but I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was me who made him nervous.

“I like honesty,” I snickered and he sighed relieved.

“I know about the health benefits of regular exercise and a clean diet,” he stated as if to avoid getting a lecture (that I wasn’t planning on giving him). “It’s just that my job is very stressful.”

That was to be expected from someone working for the FBI. We spent a couple more minutes talking about his medical and family history before I explained, “A lot of people have completely harmless heart palpitations from time to time. They can worsen with stress or too much caffeine."

"That checks out," he mumbled.

He found my eyes almost apologetically, as if he was worried he'd be wasting my time. Little did he know that every chance to take a look at a heart was time well spent for me. Especially when it belonged to someone so interesting.

I softly smiled at him when I continued, "I have no reason to believe that it’s anything to be worried about. But to be sure I would like to do an ECG and an echocardiography if that’s alright with you."

He nodded and followed me to the other room. As I stepped closer to my beloved devices, I pointed to his shirt and told him, "Take that off and lie down for me please."

As he began undoing the buttons of the fabric covering him, he said, "Just the shirt, right?"

Without thinking about it, I snickered, "If you want to take your pants off too you gotta buy me dinner first."

With widened eyes and rosy cheeks he stared at me, obviously unsure about how to react. I realized quickly how uncomfortable I had made him, already regretting my improper comment.

"I am so sorry," I apologized. "That was inappropriate."

The sweetest, most heart-warming smile spread across his face at my words.

"It's okay," he chuckled. "I like honesty, too."

He shed his shirt and lay down for me to place the electrodes on his skin. His chest was flushed and heated, almost burning against my fingertips. When everything was in place, I focussed on the monitor to look at his heart rhythm.

Spencer couldn't hide his nervousness from me.

"Is your heart rate always this high?" I wondered without averting my eyes from the monitor.

"I don’t think so?"

I found his eyes and joked, "So it’s just in my presence."

The rosy shade covering his face and chest turned a little darker when he confessed, “I’m uhm… a little nervous.”

"Try to relax, Spencer,” I whispered.

Whether he noticed me using his first name I couldn't tell, but it seemed to be working. His heart rate got down slightly. "Take a deep breath."

He did as told and closed his eyes as he tried to calm down. It was interesting to see how good he was at following instructions.

When his heart was beating at an almost normal rate, I said, "That's better. You're doing great."

It was then that his pulse went up slightly once more but I didn't comment on it. I removed the electrodes from his skin and was met with a concerned expression.

Even though I knew he didn't have a medical degree, I still offered him a look at the printed paper. "Don't worry, everything looks normal."

He scanned the ECG with furrowed brows before he wondered, "We're still doing the cardiac echo, right?"

"Of course. There are still some things to rule out," I agreed as I moved to the other side of the bed to access the sonographic unit. "Plus, I never pass up a chance to take a look at a heart."

"You must love your job," he chuckled as I placed the probe on his chest.

"I do, actually," I said while taking a look at his organ. It looked just as perfect as I'd imagined. "Your heart is beautiful, Spencer."

I could have sworn that I saw his heart make a little jump at my words. When I found his eyes, I noticed him looking at my face instead of the monitor. At first I thought he was trying to read my reaction, to know if everything was alright with him. That was not what was happening though.

The man laying beside me with my hand pressed against his chest smiled at me. It was then that I realized how oddly intimate it was for me to almost literally touch his heart. Never before had a patient made me feel this way.

The echo gave his current state away, showing me how much faster his heart began beating the longer we stared at each other like this. I wondered if he suspected to find a similar rhythm thrumming inside my chest if he had the chance. It was impossible for me to ignore my blood pumping organ threatening to jump out of its confines, almost as if seeing Spencer's heart had awoken something inside me.

Before I could lose myself in the moment completely, I focussed back on the monitor in front of me and began to explain what exactly we were looking at. Spencer listened carefully as he watched his own heart beating.

When we were done we sat back down at my desk where I made sure he'd understand that nothing was wrong with him.

"There's no reason for you to be worried. What you're experiencing is completely harmless but you should still reconsider your caffeine intake."

To my surprise he didn't just get up and leave like I expected him to. Instead he waited a few moments as if he had hoped to hear more of my words.

When he realized that I was done talking, he asked, "Should I schedule an appointment for another check-up to be sure?"

Shaking my head, I reassured him some more, "There's no reason to do a follow-up, you're perfectly fine."

"Oh."

Somehow that sounded more disappointed than relieved. I couldn't shake the thought that this wasn't about his health anymore.

He confirmed my theory when he asked, "Are you sure?"

Spencer really wanted to see me again.

And I really wanted to see him again.

"Yes," I confirmed. "But even if a follow-up was necessary, I'd still have to refer you to another doctor."

"Why?"

The shocked expression written all over his face almost broke my heart, so I was quick to coo, "Because I can't go out with a patient."

"Oh," he breathed as his cheeks began glowing once more. He became a little flustered when he muttered, "Is that uhm… something you're considering?"

With a smug grin spread over my cheeks I suggested, "Why don't you call me tomorrow to find out?"

He reciprocated my smile and promised, "I definitely will."

After handing him a note with my private phone number he disappeared from my office but his face never vanished from my mind. I couldn't quite grasp what it was about him that intrigued me so much but I knew I needed to see him again.

Spencer didn't even wait 24 hours to call me and I couldn't have been happier.

We were both eager to see each other again, so we agreed to have dinner the next day. When he picked me up from my place to drive us to the restaurant he seemed a lot more confident than the first time I'd seen him. Only when he spoke did I recognize the same awkward and slightly coy man that had become so dear to me in a matter of moments.

Time flew by when we were together. Never before had a man shown that much interest in the things I was passionate about and he surprised me by sharing some facts about my favorite topic - the heart. The thought of him doing research in preparation for our date let a warmth spread through my chest.

Spencer really was unlike anyone I had ever met.

Although the both of us would have liked for our date to continue it had to come to an end eventually. Spencer walked me to my door and kept lingering in front of it for a little while as we looked at each other in comfortable silence.

"So, how is your heart?" I finally broke the quiet.

"It was fine all day," he chuckled, "until I saw you."

I took a step towards him, close enough to be able to feel the warmth his body radiated. We locked eyes when I reached out my hand to place it on his chest, just above where his heart sat under layers of fabric, flesh and bones. He didn't even flinch when I touched him, almost as if he had expected me to make this move.

I felt his heart thumping steadily against my hand and remembered how perfect it looked the other day.

When I noticed it beating a little faster, I reminded him, "You don't have to be nervous around me."

"I can't help it, you're very attractive."

"Don't worry," I breathed. "I feel the same way about you, too."

To my surprise I suddenly felt his palm pressed against my chest as well. For a moment I thought it was just some bold move to try to feel me up but then I realized what he was doing.

He wanted to touch my heart as well.

It answered him by jumping dangerously fast inside my chest, excited to possibly have found its counterpart after years of searching.

His heart gave away his intention by raising its frequency before his body had even started moving. A split second later Spencer's free hand made contact with my cheek and his sight dropped to my mouth. His breath felt hot against my face when he leaned down to capture my lips in a kiss.

Tentatively his lips ghosted over mine before I pulled him closer with my hand in the back of his neck. The sensation of his lips against mine sent sparks through my entire body. When he deepened the kiss and let his tongue meet mine, both of our hearts became erratic.

My hand wandered from his chest to his shoulder in a desperate attempt to find something to hold onto. Spencer smiled into our kiss as he let his palm glide to my back, pulling me against his body. There was no distance to be found between us as we melted into one another in our kiss.

Our hearts tried to touch as well as they thumped fast against our chests. When the urge to let more oxygen float into my lungs overcame me, I pulled back slightly and looked at the man before me. He wore the most beautiful smile I had ever seen, so I decided I had not yet had enough of him.

"Do you want to come inside? Maybe have a cup of coffee?" I asked and added, "Decaf, of course."

"I would love nothing more."

If you enjoyed reading this story you should check out the other fluff fics in my SFW Masterlist!

Taglist: @nomajdetective @reidsbookclub @spookydrreid @gspenc @justreadingficsdontmindme @samuel-de-champagne-problems @matthew-gray-gubler-lover @malindacath @pauline5525mgg @sanaz1dlol @luna-novae @luredwithpretzels @reidselle @alexxavicry @frickin-bats @spencersprettyslut @s4r4hsblog @sebs-oxygen @reidsmilf @beepbooptoop @lovejules888 @liltimmyst @encyclo-reid-ia @lilibet261 @fandomstuffff @spencer-reid-wonderland @happymangospot @conniesanchor @jordierama @ellamaianderson @cynbx @feltonswifesworld87 @sweetannanas @dashneydanger @melifluorei-d @l-e-n-a @bitchassbecky691 @iameternallylonely @hotchandspencearedilfs @amititties @lover-of-books-and-tea @castiels-majestic-wings @highl1lac

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#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds fluff #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fanfiction

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kattythingz · 2 months ago

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I'll release your men and I'll get you to the Underworld instead / Wait, you're helping us?

BACK ON MY CIRCE AU BULLSHIT, WHAT'S UP. This time with a proper scene (and close-ups) under the cut!!! Many thanks to my dearest @sirchenchen for drawing Ling as amazingly as always, everyone check out her other art, it's just as amazing!! This scene was yet again inspired by a gorgeous animatic, so check that out too for context and to have your eyes blessed~

Ling stopping Ed gently during There Are Other Ways, telling him, “I do think you’re beautiful. But I have more respect for you than that. And I think you have more respect for yourself than that too.”

Ed’s stunned. “What are you—?”

“I’m telling you no, Edward.”

So succinctly. And yet��

Respect. That’s the word Ling used. Respect for Ed? After he blushed at him and looked at him like that, just like every man before him has?

It should be laughable how bizarre the concept is to Ed. But all he can do is sit back unconsciously from Ling, allowing him to rise too.

“I understand now why you responded to our arrival with hostility,” Ling says softly. “And I must clarify, if any of my men did anything to imply otherwise—we are here for no such thing. I am not here for such a thing. We sought your island for rest from the storm, and, truly, the party’s only intent had been to scout for our safety. We mean you and your own no harm.”

“What are you here for, then?” Ed asks lowly. A near hiss, defensive as he shifts the knife to plain sight over Ling’s chest. “Give me one good reason to believe you, mortal, because believe me—your lot have tried those words before too.”

Ling swallows at the edge of the knife so close to his unarmored chest. He looks between the active threat and the even more dangerous one, perhaps, glaring down at him.

“We only wanted one thing since the beginning,” he says after a pause. “We want to get home.”

“Home. And where’s that? A long way from here, I’m sure.”

Ed says it sarcastically—mocking the flimsy excuse to him, certainly.

He’s surprised, then, when Ling’s expression twists with a real agony, as he rasps, “Yes.”

Ed furrows his brow, and Ling continues thickly, “We’ve been seeking home for ten years now. We only just escaped another danger keeping us from there, and it was—” A hard, swallowing pause. “It was much larger than we could’ve handled. The ship we docked at your shore is all that’s left of us.”

“What was it?”

Ed gazes down at him impassively. Compelling honesty from Ling, and nothing else.

Ling can’t even lie if he wants to. “Dante,” he whispers.

He’s surprised when Ed jolts at the name, reeling back.

“What?” Ed spits. “That fucking bitch? How’d you go and piss her off? Do you realize how hard it is, with how little a shit she gives about you damn mortals?"

The words sail sharply into Ling’s exposed pain, and he flinches.

Yes, he’s well aware.

“I didn’t know,” Ling rasps. “I thought... I thought I was doing the right thing. But it wasn’t, and—it cost my men instead of me.” His throat bobs with a startling emotion to Ed. “That’s why I beg you, Edward. Release what little I have left of my men. We won’t overstay our welcome. I swear it.”

It’s a long, awful pause before Ed’s sharp gaze leaves Ling’s face.

Ling’s heart stops with the abrupt sigh Ed lets out.

“Well, shit.”

Ling scrambles to sit fully upright when Ed gets off him. He fears Ed will spell him while he’s defenseless, but Ed only swirls a finger to tie up his hair into a regal high ponytail, golden waves and decorated braids swaying as he says, “I won’t kill you, Ling Yao. But I’ll have to ask for the rest of your story.”

Hope flutters golden in Ling’s chest, and he fixes himself to do exactly that.

Ling begins his story from their first steps away from Amestris, and, as he speaks, Ed moves about his spellworks room. When he reaches the devastation Dante set upon his men, Ed looks up in reflexive horror at the loss. He hides it swiftly, but the spark of sympathy keeps Ling’s voice steady as he finishes up to the present.

“Well, that definitely checks out for the old bitch,” Ed says when Ling’s done. “Good riddance with her abomination of a son, though. I’m surprised you got the drop on him at all.”

Ling looks up, surprised at Ed’s—friendliness? What’s this supposed to be?

“You couldn’t have killed Gluttony if you’d tried,” Ed then tells him, shuttering Ling’s lungs from breath. “He’s not just a god by your standards, but a fake one. Created by the bitch herself. Though, I honestly can’t tell you why.”

Ling doesn’t know what to say to any of that, so he gulps.

“You won’t last another day in the ocean if she’s so hot on your tails,” Ed continues, rattling a half-full potion bottle in his hand. Whatever the motion tells him must be good, as he nods to himself before dipping it into the cauldron to fill the rest of the way. Ling watches the process with some interest, straightening up when golden eyes fall on him again afterward. “Not without some help, at least."

Ling understands immediately.

“You’re helping us?” he stutters.

“Don’t take it so personally yet,” Ed says with a tug of his lips. “Consider this a trial run. You’re an oddity, Ling Yao. And I don’t like ignorance. I need to figure you out somehow. And this”—he clinks the bottle in his hand on Ling’s dangling earring—”is my first experiment.”

His lips catch a full, coy smile when he notes Ling’s idle rubbing of the disturbed earring—otherwise unaffected by Ed’s closeness and state of dress.

“Whether you’re worth a second experiment... That’s completely up to you.”

“Just for curiosity’s sake...” Ling starts, eyeing the silvery potion and the ominous glow of the cauldron. “What, exactly, does this experiment entail?”

Ed grins at the blatant anxiety. Still smart, this mortal. Good.

“You’ve heard of the Underworld, haven’t you?” Ed hums, flicking a hand to shift the “smoke” into a silvery vision. He doesn’t risk turning around when Ling’s eyes widen at the image of Al. “I’ve got... a friend, there. A prophet. He can read your future so you can do your thing and dodge it. Or so you can accidentally fulfill it.” He spins around as he snaps his fingers, and the illusions snuffs out just in time. He lets out a soundless sigh. “Whichever you’re capable of.”

“And—what do you get out of this, if I agree?” Ling can’t help asking despite his hope.

Ed smirks back at him over a shoulder. He doesn’t answer as he makes a “come hither” motion for Ling to follow him outside, and Ling does so blindly, distracted by Ed’s robe also floating over to wrap back around him at the same time.

“Nothing, technically,” Ed says as they walk, ignoring Ling’s falling behind as he begins looking around the palace properly. The overgrown vines and wildflowers from the cracks are unlike any plants Ling’s ever seen before, sans the few hanging in the cauldron room just now. They don’t resemble the moly Greed gave him, though...

Ling starts, “You’ll forgive me if I don’t trust… that...”

He putters off when his gaze lands naturally on Ed. Without the shadows of Ed’s hair obscuring his face, the sunlight brushing that skin put a spontaneous pin in Ling’s foolish heart.

He noticed it much earlier, naturally, but...

Edward is beautiful.

And he’s smiling now.

Not directly at Ling, but at an unseen distance. An unseen memory, perhaps. Or a train of thoughts Ling really oughta pry after for his own safety.

And yet, no such instinct strikes when Ed says, “I’m figuring it out too, I guess.”

“Me?” Ling realizes faintly.

Ed’s eyes sparkle even without the sun when they turn to Ling. “I told you not to take it personally yet.”

Ling straightens. “Am I wrong, then?”

Ed shakes his head, staring ahead with a low chuckle. He doesn’t answer that either, but Ling has a feeling the answer wouldn’t have mattered anyway.

Edward’s giving him a chance. A chance to patron to their journey home, should Ling please him. After the loss of Athena’s favor, this is a golden opportunity. In several senses of the word.

For now, the best response is this: to kiss the back of its hand before he leaves—and pray to the gods he doesn’t waste another blessing.

(“Ooooh, looking a little red there, goldilocks. Guess this one’s okay, after all?”

“WHA—GREED! There you are!”

“Aw, did you miss—ohhh, shit. Put down the rat spell, kid—”

“SHOULD’VE THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE YOU GAVE HIM THAT DAMN MOLY! GET BACK HERE!”)

#circe au go brrrrrr haha #GOD I have a problem #fullmetal alchemist #fma #epic the musical #epic the circe saga #edward elric #ling yao #edling #from the moly #fanart #my art #fanfiction #my fic #collab

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lifes-pinata · 5 months ago

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Duck and Mytho, A Relationship Analysis

BY POPULAR DEMAND (10 notes and 1 prompt by a blog I follow and admire)

Duck and Mytho are obviously so very important to each others stories. Without Duck, Mytho would have remained a heartless doll forever. And without Mytho, Duck would have remained a simple bird. The story cannot exist without Duck, and up until the last few episodes, Mytho remains her primary motivation.

Which is why is was so surprising to me that the way their relationship resolved was so..... Unsatisfying.

Now when I say that, I am not talking about Siegfried and Tutu's resolution, which remains one of the most touching scenes of the show. I am specifically talking about the relationship between Mytho and Duck.

For the first 14 episodes, Duck and Mytho's friendship was a slow but steady burn. Duck is an anomaly in Mytho's small world. Even heartless, he doesn't quite know what to make of her. "Fakir and Rue don't say things like that" he says in episode 3, when Duck reacts to his hurt hand.

Duck, as a person, represents something Mytho never encountered even when he was Siegfried. Her simple, straightforward kindness is so different from Rue's desperate, grasping love. Fakir's poisonous protection, and even the blushing, tittering classmates that never dare to speak to him.

And even though Mytho can't express it, I think it's really valuable to him. Early on, Duck is the only person capable of making his loneliness disappear. Not Rue or Fakir, who he's known for years (which he says to their faces oh my GOD) but Duck. The first request he makes is that she stays a little longer.

The entire first arc Duck continually proves herself to be trustworthy. Once Mytho returned to school after receiving the feeling of fear, Duck tackle hugs him, saying she looked for him everywhere. She knows about Princess Tutu, and is the only one who listens to him. Who doesn't talk over him. She brought him an umbrella when he was waiting for Tutu. He values her opinion enough that he asked her opinion on gifts to get someone. And yeah maybe he could have asked anyone, but we never see him seek someone out until the Raven's Blood kicks in.

In episode 14, Mytho says to Duck, straight out "You're the only friend whom I can tell everything." And then? They never interact again? Huh???

Well. That's not entirely true. There is one more scene where Duck and Mytho interact, if you believe that Mytho was lucid enough to truly count it. Episode 24, where Mytho has fully succumbed to the Raven's blood, and as a result has turned into a raven himself. He runs outside, after being hidden away by Rue, and finds Duck. And what does he do? He asks her to dance, just as he did on the day of the fire festival. But this time, Duck doesn't answer. She backs away from the monster he's become, just like everyone else.

To its credit, that is a resolution, but it still doesn't sit right with me. It feels too bleak in a story where hope overcomes everything else. A spot where Drosselmeyer's tragedy wins.

The thing is, I understand why they did it this way. One thing I have always appreciated about Princess Tutu is that there is no wasted time. Even at the beginning of the show, when it seemed lighter and sillier, every episode contained important information. From the very beginning, they were building to the finale.

The second arc of the show is even more this way, there is no wasted space. Where would they even put Duck and Mytho interactions? Duck is reckless but she knows better then to approach Mytho when he's actively trying to rip out the hearts of their classmates. If anything, trying to shoehorn interactions would come across as forced, and could even cheapen their interactions in the finale.

But as much as I love the scene where Mytho realizes that Princess Tutu was a duck. I also wish he had a moment to realize that the duck was Duck.

Because Princess Tutu performed magic and returned heart shards with her beautiful dancing.

But Duck did the hard work of being human. Of living and loving and trying and failing and getting back up.

It was Duck who saved the town in the end.

And it was Duck, who was ultimately forgotten.

#if anyone is interested #i will be making posts about how i would have “fixed” this #as well as my headcanons about them post-canon (i have many)#but it's late and I've been writing this for a Very Long Time and I am tired #please scream at me about this I've loved this show for over a decade and i'm Not Normal about it #princess tutu

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kncrowder88 · 2 months ago

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So, I'm in s6 now in my House binge. And of course my brain last night wanted to focus once more on the polycule that is House-Wilson-Cuddy (but also Stacy because let's be real at one point she was part of it). Largely looking at these 4 because honestly they are fascinating. And I really love S6 visual of them because you can almost see how Stacy would fit into it all (but just can't anymore as well).

This is sober House after all. House seeking therapy. House who has hit "rock bottom" and began to dig himself back out (or more accurately drag himself back out). This is a House actively working to be himself while striving to let those be cares about not just hear he cares but see through actions and behaviors. (We see this especially with Cuddy here).

Now, the reason I don't really include Foreman, Cameron, Taub, Chase, or Thirteen is because his team has a different relationship with him. They are - in a sense - like a family for him but they are very much not as close. He isn't actively seeking to show them or tell them things (despite the changes we see). And they have an adamant refusal to see a change (we see it in multiple episodes in S6 as his team pulls a "he's House" lines just like past seasons - they do not have believe he can be anything but what they saw in the past. Reasonable as all they've ever known is addict House). I could dig into all this so much but onto the polycule....

What we know for these 4 is a very rough timeline. House meets Cuddy while still in school. After his first med school (s6 gives us the line about him getting the call for the first school issues he had). Both are students, we learn in s6 more on how they meet as well. The lines don't have the taunting/joking nature either usually have (or any of his close relations have) when discussing certain things. Thus, we can conclude the bookstore run is accurate. Here he tells her she was ambitious and a party girl. She seeks him out (going so far as to audit a class he's in) and they ended up booking up. However, House doesn't pursue her further as he got the call about John Hopkins and put school over relationships.

Wilson is meet during a medical convention, his first wife has sent him divorce papers. This convention is right after Wilson has graduated med school. House we know never meet Wilson's first wife - I stare this as the dating for some stuff is weird and thus figuring out this timing is also weird. We know Wilson brother also disappeared while he was in med school, something like 9 years or so before s1. S6 tells us it was House who brought up the opening at PPTH to Wilson as well. Anyways, this particular meeting between the two was basically:

House - playing music

Wilson - can you pick a different song

House - obnoxiously responds, continues to play song

Wilson- throws something, breaks mirror (expensive mirror)

Somehow a fight breaks out in bar/lounge they in

Wilson - arrested

House - you are the 1 interesting person of the 100s at this convention, I like you. I'm keeping you, oh also I resolved this legal thing with that whole broken mirror.

(Spoiler he did not)

Now, with Stacey, we don't really know if Stacey is before Wilson or right after, but we know she's like 10 years pre series. We get a few joking comments on how these two meet (dollar stripper joke, doctors vs lawyer game, etc) and the wikia goes with the doctor vs lawyer paintball game. For me, I think there was truth to the jokes but the taunting was just that. Taunting. The doctor vs lawyer was likely a truth, but the game type was likely a cover. If we look at his other two relationships, Stacey being at a doctor vs lawyer event or even saw an early lawyer House had to deal with in his career who manages to handle his antics (as Wilson and Cuddy did in their own ways) would result in him going "oh hey". It would also add to the whole not wanting her at PPTH - not only do they have a past and that history, she does truly know how to handle him and deny what he wants (he can't just brush over her legal concerns as he could others).

I like the idea of the 4 knowing each other pre-infarction personally. It makes sense to me. Cuddy seeking out House during her own med school years because "I have this theory for this assignment but want to run it by you" and he just jerks her around but she aces it (she is a Chief of Medicine within like what 8 years of graduating, if that? Like seriously pretty sure she is rather young for reaching that point, which says something). They all be the sort of long distant friends but not all meeting properly till PPTH or one off moments when so and so is visiting.

Besides, you are telling me Stacey marries House and they don't have at least a few friends? Please Wilson was his best man, who forced him to at least invite his mother, and Cuddy was there to ask Stacey if she really wanted this (she does, Cuddy doesn't blame her - Wilson reconfirms it and makes a "I guess he has some appeal to him" comment that has both woman glancing to each other ... should they all marry? Probably. Will they? No it's the 90s and the boys are repressed)

I had a whole point in this post and got sidetracked but anyways .... basically I think I was getting at the fact that like .... Wilson, Cuddy, and Stacey all took on a relationship with Gregory "the jerk" House. They knew who he was and did so not expecting change (I'm aware of what is about to come in the show and I'm already screaming). Part of what hurt them wasn't that he didn't change, didn't grow, didn't magically heal because they entered his life ..... but that he changed because the infraction got him into a drug addiction that sent him on a path they were not enough to stop.

They were not enough.

And now, S6, Wilson and Cuddy have sober House again. And not just sober for a day or however long an ep (or two) will take but truly sober House. And as before they turn to each other when they need it but at there for him. They are terrified of not being enough. They are terrified of actually putting themselves fully out there for him (Wilson though I don't think ever fully stopped - and this has as we know played a role in his divorces, Cuddy has also not likely but we see she has reached a point she can't risk it - she states it in this season as well, she's a mother now). And we see House show both of them differently - he's joking/taunting with Wilson (who returns) and he tries the things Wilson subtly suggests (even if he mocks it he truly tries - and likely stuck with some of it). With Cuddy, he talks and shares and puts himself out there (and he also stops when she asks - yes may take a time or two of asking but he ceases his behavior).

House is showing them growth, and healing. And it's terrifying, because if they accept it and he crashes... what does that mean about them now? How did they fail this time? What did they enable this time? How many times all these years have they wanted to contact Stacey and ask what she saw that they didn't, why she walked (cheated and left truly), didn't stay and enable him, when they did?

Just... I could go on and on about them but I've already rambled enough.

(Disclaimer I pulled some numbers/info from the House wikia)

#house md #gregory house #lisa cuddy #james wilson

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born-in-hell · 10 months ago

Text

WHY Q!BADBOYHALO IS PROBABLY FED:

SPECIAL GUEST THEORY - THE MASTERPOST

Important Information!

Hello! This post was written in january and febuary, before the workers at Quackity Studios came out with their stories. Ever since then, i haven't been following the QSMP as a server, despite still writing a fic based on it and following the situation with the workers somewhat closely. I just can't care about it as much as i did. Im posting this theory because it meant a lot to me at the time. I truly believed i was right, and that Badboyhalo would be the main antagonist. I even had the throry that the QSMP would end in a dispute between q!Fit (Madagio + The Rebellion) and q!BBH (Fed). I worked for such a long time gathering evidence for, organizing and writing this post that it just feels bad to keep it in. Today (30/4/24), another ex-admin, named Elk, released a statement, that said: "There was an odd rule where main island lore was never allowed to tie into creator-specific lore, despite creators actively wanting to involve themselves with the federation and being permitted to do so and certain creators having a HUGE influence on the overall lore.". This just erased any and all motivations i ever had to make a theory that links everything together. There was never a truly coherent story. Which makes not only this theory, but any and all theories that link the player characters to the main island lore, useless. Being honest, i just didnt want this post to go to waste, mostly because i worked a lot on it. For that, this post is very much not finished. Most texts are not fully written - my ideas are not as developed as i wish they were. And i apologize for this, i just dont have the energy to finish this. If you want to know my take on the QSMP lore, you can check out my fanfic. Despite all this, I hope you all enjoy this.

---------------------------

This is a compilation of all the evidence we have to support the Special Guest Theory.

I created this mainly to show people that don't have as much free time or are just dont have the energy to think about or remember all this why the Special Guest Theory does make sense.

This is a colaborative work, as I wouldnt be able to think about all this without these wonderful people: @lionheartedmusings @demodraws0606 @lxrd-ren @skullhalo @windchime-of-teeth

---------------------------

Where it all started: The ARG Emails

On Feb 21, Quackity Studios posted this tweet, that had an ARG puzzle.

The "special invitation" also grasps my attention, but it might be coincidental wording.

Decyphering the puzzle, it lead to a Google Doc, that had many emails.

Among them, there was this one:

[Respectful greetings, We are seeking quotes for the purchase of 1393 muffins to satisfy the extra demand of our special guest. For those who are not aware of the situation, it was pointed out that it is an obligation to share two muffins per person in the workspace to guarantee happy and productive work. We wish to receive your commercial proposals as soon as possible. We appreciate your commitment and effort in preparing your offers for evaluation. Sincerely,]

So uhm... muffins right? Who could it possiblly be referencing?

I honestly can't think of no one else besides q!Badboyhalo, even outside of the qsmp, whose brand is so intrinsically connected to this little cake things.

The number is also very specific. If every worker needs 2 muffins, why is the order an odd number? That just isn't divisible equally to everyone.

-> I will make a separate post detailing what i think the 1393 could be referencing.

I want to mention here that, by the way this email is written,

q!Badboyhalo's Teaser Post

Ok, so there are a coulple things to pay attention about this post. First the muffins are a clear reference to Bad (there's no arguing here, he is the muffins guy).

Second, where it was posted; unlike all the other cc teasers ─ that were posted on @/quackity4k, quackity's alt twitter account ─ this one was posted on the official Quackity Studios account, along with the arg post that is.

-> These are the other QSMP cc teasers:

Third, its the only teaser thats accompanied by "welcome to the QSMP". All the others either include something related to the cc (like a bird emoji for Jaiden), or teasing words (closer; up next).

Fourth, the milk emoji. Its curious, and out of place. It is so odd and specific that it deserved to be discussed.

Especially considering that, coincidentally, this is what Badboyhalo responded to the QSMP teaser that i'll talk about later:

Milk is often ─ surprisingly ─ a symbol commonly used with villains in media, to symbolize various things, but mostly to cause a discomfort in the audience, as milk is associated with purity and childhood. So pairing it with ruthless and cruel villains creates an unsetteling atmosphere.

-> Some reference links: 1 // 2 // 3 // 4

The Teaser Video

-> click here to watch the video

The video starts off in a dimly lit room, with some boxes, and, most notably, a tv, a vcr player and a chair. A shadowy figure enters the room, and inserts a cassette on the player. A promotional video of Quesadilla Island starts playing. It shows the figure watching the video, and the scene is interrupted by a black screen with "20 years later" written. It ends with two other shadowy figures (Quackity and Slime, presumably) talking in the train that took the first group to our current Quesadilla.

The only thing that we can notice on this person, is a little white marking on both their left and right hand.

Some theorized it could be qFit, but he doesn't have the marking on his right hand.

Right side /// Left side

The only character, from the first group of islanders, who has a white marking on both hands is q!Badboyhalo.

And q!Badboyhalo being part of the fed in 2003 does also make sense in his lore; he's never mentioned where he was or what he was doing around the late 1990's and early 2000's.

Unlike fit, who was 13 in 2003. He was a child ─ he was only a bit older than q!Cellbit during the war.

This is, in my opinion, one of the most substantial evidences we have of q!Badboyhalo being involved in whatever the fed is doing.

The 2013 War

When qCellbit started researching the fed, as a child, he was forcefully exiled from Quesadilla, because he found out too much about what was going on. Maybe the tests on children (q!Baghera and the other deceased hybrids), as he says this on his letter to q!Bagi:

[...] I saw everything inside, they were doing all this beneath our very feet… it’s horrible, Bagi. You don’t deserve this, I don’t want you to have to live with these guys. So meet me on the other side of this ocean Bagi. I’ll be going now, I don’t care if I have to swim until [...]

-> You can check q!Cellbit's old diaries translated into english on this post

He ended up, somehow, in a war, where he, coincidentally, first met q!BBH.

q!Bad has stated he was in the war to overlook it.

Antoine's Comic

This comic was given it was given, from Cucurucho, specifically to q!Badboyhalo.

-> check this twitter clip of antoine's talk with cucurucho to see the full conversation

The Purgatory Puzzle

Codeflippa lead qBBH, qAypierre and qMaximus throughout the maze, into a white room with a red button. Before activating the button, this was shown to them:

-> Could the asterisks mean Badboy? or maybe Mr. Halo?

They pressed the button, and then recieved this book:

Via a warpstone, they were taken to another maze, this one with a puzzle and two pictures of cucurucho.

After going through some rooms, they found a small pillar, with Dapper's hat on top of it, as you can see here:

Why? Why was dapper's hat there?

If this is a foreshadowing to the fact that Dapper would always be the eggs that would be freed from purgatory, independently from the roulette, than why Dapper?

What makes Dapper special, or different from the other kids, that earned him this, and possibly his life?

The group found themselves in a circular room, with three die. These die, coincidentally, had the same colors as q!Badboyhalo and Dapper: black, red and white.

There was a chest, and in it, they recieved this books:

Badboyhalo was shortly after teleported into the middle of the room, so he could play the game.

He thew the die and got a 7.

He then was gifted this ticket:

Again, why q!Badboyhalo? What makes him different?

It can't be him being a demon, since Mouse and Tina were already on the island.

So what makes him so special that, not only theres a full puzzle dedicated to him (as evidenced by Dapper's hat, and qBad being the chosen one for the game), but he's the first person (not counting q!Bagi nor q!Carre) to get a ticket? He's the only islander that had to go through this puzzle to get it, the other ones were just teleported into the room. Not even q!Max or q!Pierre got tickets that day.

#qsmp #qsmp lore #qsmp theory #qsmp badboyhalo #qsmp fit #qsmp duck #qsmp purgatory #qsmp discourse #qsmp neg #qadmin situation

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thatpodcastkid · 9 months ago

Text

Magnus Archives Relisten 10, MAG 10

Do we think Jonny Sims has read Twilight?

Spoilers ahead

Facts: Statement of Trevor Herbert regarding his life as a self-proclaimed vampire hunter. Statement given July 10, 2010.

Statement Notes: I just love that Trevor's episode is right after Julia's. It really lets you see the wheels turning in Jonny's head as he planned out the series.

On my first listen, this was one of the statements I truly did not believe was true. The combination of Trevor's traumatic childhood, cancer, and admission that he killed a "non-vampire" made the whole thing seem like a complex fantasy. But on the second listen, I realized that is exactly how the horrors work. They specifically target vulnerable people so that their experiences will be dismissed or explained away by more "rational" people. You don't believe Trevor because you aren't supposed to.

Jon says he can't find the "vampire teeth" in the Archives or in the "Secure Containment Room" (Btw both "Archives" and "Secure Containment Room" are proper nouns in the transcript). Is this an early name for Artifact Storage or a subsection of it? It would make sense for the Institute to have a separate facility for the dangerous artifacts, but this raises questions regarding how "secure" this facility is. Assuming this is where the real artifacts like Leitners and the table are held, Jon can access it fairly easily at the end of season 2, but he's relatively high-ranking at the institute. Would Elias ever allow an outsider into the facility like he allows them into the library? Or would that violate his desire to hoard knowledge?

Character Notes: This statement is a "photocopy of a photocopy," which speaks to Gertrude's organization. Something had to have happened to the original, whether she destroyed it or Elias took it, but she had a backup. Knowing that Trevor Herbert is still active in monster hunting, she made another copy to preserve the information. Presumably, she was hoping Sasha would find it and be able to access Herbert when she became the Archivist, but instead it was found and dismissed by Jon.

This episode also establishes that Martin was there when the statement was taken. Many fans assume Martin was hired to work in the archives, but this statement was given SIX YEARS before Gertrude's death, meaning that he would have had to work in research or another facility before the archives. Also, he's worked at the institute for at least 8 years by the time he reveals he lied on his resume, meaning he was TWENTY-TWO when this statement was given and was told that Trevor Herbert died.

The rumor of Herbert's death raises other questions. Why would that story spread? It seems to be another part of Elias' long game. If Martin--who he specifically selected to eventually be on the archival staff--believed Herbert was dead and told Jon so, then Jon would not seek him out and put himself in danger too early. Additionally, he would not be able to find the skin book and speak with Gerry before the time was right. Elias needed everything to run on his schedule.

Entity Alignment: With Trevor, there is a definite Hunt alignment. His whole life is driven by the desire to seek out and kill vampires. It's become the core tenant of his identity and drives him to forsake all personal relationships and attachments, centering his life around the fear of vampires and the need to kill them. The need to eliminate his own fear is what leads to him becoming an avatar of fear itself.

But I struggle to find a clear connection to what fear the vampires are connected to. They could be Hunt avatars or aligned creatures themselves. They have a desire to find and destroy living things, mindlessly hunting. It would also make sense for a Hunt creature to draw in Herbert and turn him into a Hunt avatar, turning him into what he fears most. This tactic is seen throughout the series with multiple fears, but I am specifically reminded of the Hunt in MAG 112 as the book club turns against itself.

There is an element of the Flesh within the vampires, however. They turn humans into food, removing their identities and degrading them into their physical existence. A large portion of the Flesh is dedicated to removing any idea of a consciousness or soul and reminding us that we are meat, which the vampires seem to do effectively.

I also noticed connections to the Stranger in the vampires. While their ultimate actions don't match with the Stranger's modus operandi, their mannerisms are similar. The primary similarity is the fact that vampires don't speak, as if they "don't have a voicebox," yet they still manage to be understood. The Stranger draws people in with its apparently human attributes, and only when it's too late do victims realize something is off. So long as the vampires are understandable, victims don't realize the not talking is odd until it's too late. Furthermore, the first vampire Herbert meets offers him rotten fruit, and many Stranger-aligned creatures and avatars give strange gits as an attempt to form a human connection while still unsettling people (tooth apple, metal heart, etc.). The fruit made Trevor uncomfortable and afraid, but he didn't leave the old woman because he reasoned she was trying to be kind in a twisted way.

But I also wonder if the vampires are aligned at all. Trevor describes them as being driven only by the vague desire to feed. While this could signal a Hunt or Flesh alignment, they don't have a connection to the rituals of these entities nor their other avatars. In Mag 111, Gerry explains "What's out there doesn't care about blood," before correcting "Yeah, obviously except for the vampires." Again, the need to consume blood could align the vampires with the Hunt or Flesh, but they don't seem to be driven by the desire to cause fear. If the vampires are fueled by an actual, physical need to consume blood for survival, could they accurately be associated with a fear-driven entity? Or are they just another monstrous thing that exists in this universe?

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faneliansficaloh · 1 month ago

Text

A Lifetime of Happiness

(Chapter 1) (Chapter 2) (Chapter 3) (Chapter 4) (Chapter 5) (Chapter 6)

This is Chapter 7

Notes

----------

20th November, 1817

Dear Colin,

It is such a relief to have news from you. Letters are such small, light things – how can they take so very long to reach their intended destinations? How can the world be so very vast? To think I felt like I was already at the edge of the world here in Surrey, so far away from the familiar places where I spent my childhood and the friends I cherish so much. My informed mind knows the truth of such enormous distances, of so many far away places and entire separate continents, but my imagination cannot form an idea of such vastness.

I have not heard news from Holsteinborg yet. I try to keep my mind busy to avoid fretting, it would not do good to Abigail to have a mother that is perpetually useless with worry, I need all my attention on her as she has started standing up and grabbing at things. I have plenty to keep me occupied, both with the estate and Eloise’s project and my books and letters. I would love to one day read what you’ve written about your journey across the Ocean.

Colin, Amanda’s determination also comes from you. You dared to take a job and cross an ocean and then some. You have been bold and made your own way already, you took your family with you to actively care for them, not just in feeling, even when it cannot be the easiest and even expected way to do things in your situation. If that is not determination, I don’t know the meaning of the word.

Please hug them for me, tell them I’m thinking about them as I know it’s their birthday today.

Yours truly, Penelope.

1814 – Of Hopes and dreams.

“It’s the not knowing that makes it feel like torment” Eloise said, explaining to Penelope why she needed to talk to Mr. Sharpe, but then went quiet as she saw Marina approaching them, seeking refuge from the sun under the tent where the refreshments were displayed.

“Marina! Has my brother already driven you to seek shelter away from him?”

“It is not your brother I seek shelter from, but the sun. Do you believe this delay will continue much longer? I feel a headache coming up already”

It was a very bright day and all the guests to the Viscount Bridgerton’s wedding had been sent outside to the gardens while the matter of his reluctant bride was being tended to. The day was sizzling with gossip and sun heat.

“Perhaps it’s best if you have something to drink” Penelope offered.

“Well, I shall leave you in the capable hands of your cousin. Excuse me” Eloise could not be bothered to pretend to like Marina for more than two minutes and was not afraid to let it show.

“Eloise!” Protested Penelope, but she had moved away very swiftly.

“That is odd, even for her. Although they have all been acting quite strangely lately, Colin included.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s been...restless and taciturn. Insufferable, really.” Penelope looked at him in the distance, he seemed to be talking animatedly with a group of gentlemen.

“A lot changed for him in the last year. Colin is normally cheerful and kind, but he does tend to sit a long time with his feelings. He does not move on easily when something rattles him.”

“I have noticed that, believe me. I thought we were already on a more cheerful state, but ever since Sir Phillip showed up at the ball, he’s been in this odd mood. I knew that man would not bring anything good”

Penelope was puzzled at this. She had not been able to find anything too wrong with Sir Phillip and she had not noticed anything amiss between him and Colin, on the contrary she believed they had parted on the friendliest of terms. But she could not focus on that in this moment, she needed to make sure Eloise stayed out of trouble.

“Excuse me, Marina but I need to find Eloise”

“Alright then” She made a note to include Penelope in the list of people acting oddly these days.

Penelope walked down every path of the garden but she could not find Eloise. She did find Colin standing alone, drinking from a flask.

“Are you celebrating already? The wedding is not done, you know?” She gently teased him.

“Can’t say I’m celebrating, unfortunately” He grinned for a fraction of a second, so she had to ask.

“Is everything alright?” She kept looking around for Eloise while she waited for this response.

“Yes, it is” he said without much conviction.

She turned her full attention to him, arching her brows “But?”

“Am I that obvious?” He had thought himself an accomplished stoic at this point.

“Yes, I’m afraid you’re not a master at disguising your emotions, Colin. You’re clearly bothered by something” He looked at her, intrigued. Was he really this transparent to everyone, yet no one else cared enough to ask or was it just Penelope that knew him so well? “Is it Marina?” She sounded concerned.

“Not exactly. I do not wish to burden you with my silly notions, Pen. Do not worry”

“Colin, are we not friends? I promise I will not mock you if it is really a very silly thing” She said jokingly but still with certain tenderness in her tone.

“It is only that I-- I thought that having my own family would fill me with purpose and, in a way it has but” He could not bring himself to tell her how Marina made him feel like a spectator rather than a part of a family, that she seemed to be intent in making it clear that the children were hers and they didn’t need anyone else other than her. She seemed to live in fear that he would suddenly decide to leave and take them from her if she let him get too involved. “I still find myself struggling with a certain feeling of... uselessness. Eloise would just drag me through the mud if she could hear me, I know.”

“I do not think it silly to aspire to a greater purpose, and I am sure you will find yours in due time. Raising a family may be satisfying for many, but everyone is different and what can be fulfilling for one may not be so for another. I rather think my own dreams would not signify anything to most, especially a man!”

“And what is it you dream of, Pen?” He said with true curiosity.

“So you can mock how silly my little dreams are?” She said almost joking.

“I would never” He shook his head and his eyes showed he was serious.

“I want nothing short of the world’s adoration, of course.” She joked again, with an irreverent smirk. He let out a puff of air and rolled his eyes. “If you really want to know about my silly dreams... I only truly wish to be free and brave to lead my own life, on my own terms. I wish to be heard and taken seriously.” Her eyes had filled with a hopeful spark and a lovely smile lifted her slightly parted lips.

“There is nothing silly about any of that, Pen.” How he had wished for himself that he would be taken seriously and to make his own way in the world, maybe what he lacked was the bravery she had mentioned.

“I know some of my dreams will never become true and I may need to let go or alter them” She said, looking deep into his eyes, feeling emboldened for a moment and risking giving away what dream exactly she was referring to. Maybe it was the sun that had started to get to her head, but she caught herself and looked away as she finished her thought “but even if we have to adapt to reality, I believe we still need to allow ourselves to dream of the impossible, to help us face the world armed with hope, even when it all seems lost.” There was Marina, standing under the shadow of a tent, a few yards away.

“Pen --” her tone had shifted from animated to wistful very suddenly, her smile all but vanished. He wanted to understand her fully, to carry on with the conversation because her words had resonated deep inside of him. But she interrupted him, gesturing to the grand wedding cake that was now being cut and served, which clearly indicated there would not be a wedding after all

“You should grab a piece of cake for Marina, before it is all gone. I know she loves cake” and just as suddenly as her tone had changed, she walked away with a little bow.

For all the opportunities that Lady Whistledown afforded her to fulfil what she felt was her purpose, she still dreamed of love, but she couldn’t bring herself to tell him that. One day maybe someone would love her as she loved him, although she didn’t think she would ever be able to stop loving Colin, no matter how it kept breaking her heart. But maybe one day, so she allowed herself to dream of the impossibility of being loved by someone.

She could not find Eloise, but she knew exactly where she was.

***

Eloise was frantically looking for a way out of the conundrum she was currently in. The queen’s men had followed her and seen her at the printer’s shop. This on itself was quite ruinous as Penelope well knew, the rumour would soon spread that she had been visiting a man -a working man that was below her station-, unchaperoned. To make matters worse, her majesty was now convinced that Eloise was Lady Whistledown and seemed to have made threats against her and her family. She could not bear it any longer so she had to admit it.

“Eloise, it is me! I am Lady Whistledown”. Eloise winced.

“Pen, now is not the time to jest! The Queen was serious with her threat!” She responded, removing her friends’ hands from her arms.

“And so am I!” The authoritative tone from Penelope made Eloise freeze and go quiet – what an accomplishment, Penelope thought. “I am Lady Whistledown, El.”

“But… how? Why?” and then processing what she had just heard and clarity hit her “Have you been laughing at me behind my back all this time?” she let out, Indignantly.

“I am sorry I’ve kept this for so long, El, but you surely see how I had no choice, seen as how you are now in this terrible predicament yourself?”

Eloise seemed, miraculously, to be out of words, although her mouth kept moving trying to utter one or another.

“Are you quite serious?” The look of incredulity on her face wounded Penelope a bit. She expected the Queen to be incredulous and doubt her if she were to come forward, she knew she would have to prove herself, after all, no-one really had ever taken the time to get to know her so how could they expect such a feat from a quiet wallflower? But that someone who knew her as intimately and for such a long time as Eloise did could not see it as remotely possible and needed proof to be convinced, well, that plainly stung.

“I can show you. I can take you to the printer, although I don’t think that would be helpful in our current situation. I am sorry that you got caught in this, Eloise, I truly am. I will find a way to get you out of trouble with the queen”

“And Theo”, Eloise was quick to add, and nearly as quickly corrected herself “Mister Sharpe”.

“You most stop your visits, Eloise. Regardless of Whistledown, you’ve been seen already. It is damaging enough on itself. Please, think of your sisters if nothing else”.

A thought occurred to Eloise “Are you lying to me just to protect us from my recklessness, Pen? It is not your job to rescue everyone from trouble, you know?”

“Of course not! Why won’t you believe me? Do you truly find me incapable of such a thing? Do you think so little of me, Eloise?”

“But… all the things she’s written about your own family, about mine, of you!” Eloise clearly was having trouble reconciling all that with her sweet, loyal friend.

“Come to my house, I will show you”

And so they made their way across the square and all the way into Penelope’s room, where she revealed it all to Eloise, until she was thoroughly convinced.

“Nobody ever took notice of me so it was really easy to collect the information. And just recently I’ve found a way to avoid showing up at the printer myself.”

“And no one else in the world knows this?”

“There is one of our coach men that would drive me to the printer shop, and then Madam DelaCroix caught me once but we have since become business partners, and she has proven to be most trustworthy”

“Unlike me, who cannot be trusted!” Eloise was evidently deeply hurt

“You know I didn’t say that, not even close. Eloise, this whole endeavour was all mine, my own little thing separate from everything else. At first I didn’t tell you because I thought you would find it ridiculous and then, when it gained popularity, I was afraid you’d try to direct what I wrote about. I never expected the Queen herself would take such a great interest and by then I knew it was too late to get anyone else involved, it became a risk. As you are well aware now, unfortunately.”

“So, why did you continue, then? Why not just stop when it became such a dangerous endeavour?”

“Because… I needed a voice of my own, and by that time, it had become intoxicating to receive all the attention that had never been given to a word I said. I somehow obtained this great power that came with capturing that attention. Is it not something that you have wished for yourself, Eloise? To have your voice, your opinions heard instead of unjustly dismissed just because you are a woman?”

“I wish, for once, you were not right. I so wish to be mad right now, but we have something more important to take care of” She paused, briefly “How did you get to be so smart considering…?” She gestured broadly around her.

“I think their borderline forgetting all about me has rather worked in my favour” she said, attempting to be humorous.

“It is truly remarkable. I almost wish for total neglect for myself” They both laughed, despite how truly heartbreaking the underlying truth was, and before they knew it they were laughing at nothing in each other’s arms.

After a few minutes they were sitting on the floor, holding hands and staring out the window.

“I’m glad I’ve told you, El. It was horrible keeping such a secret from my best friend”

“After… the Colin thing” She gesticulated as if it was a disgusting idea “I thought you could not keep anything else from me, and oh, did you prove me wrong! Is this it? No more secrets, I hope?”

“No more secrets, I swear”.

“Good, because I am now utterly embarrassed that I have none of my own to make us even” She suddenly straightened herself up and Penelope followed suit, suddenly Eloise had formed an idea she clearly thought brilliant “You must print something about me!”.

“What? Have you lost your senses?”

“No, no, no. Think about it. All we need to do is to convince the queen that I am not Lady Whistledown. There is no need for anything more than that. You have never even mentioned me, not even in passing”

Penelope raked her brain trying to protest, but she had to agree with her, she had never mentioned her specifically in the column before.

“One of the reasons nobody suspects you, and that includes me, is that you have mentioned yourself and your family before, and not in a very kind light, I might add. Nobody suspects the people who are made the subject of the column, Pen. So I must be one of them to get rid of suspicion.”

“But, Eloise, what--? I couldn’t do that to you. I don’t think just mentioning how pale the Bridgerton blue makes you look would be enough to assuage the Queen’s suspicions.” Eloise gave her a dirty side look as she examined her reflection on the large mirror in front of them, trying to asses her paleness.

“I know. It needs to be something truly scandalous. I’m afraid that would be the only way”

“I should just present myself and confess”

“No, Pen. Think about it! I can take it. I’m always talking about how stupid these society rules are, well, here is a clear opportunity to show how truly meaningless they are. You should talk about what the Queen already knows, as she thinks only herself privy to that information. You should talk about my visiting the printers”

“But El, your family is going through so much with your brother’s cancelled wedding already, I can’t possibly bring yet another scandal about”

“You know that it is the best option.” She grabbed her hands “Scandals pass. The ton doesn’t have a very good memory, you know it better than anyone. And if they cast me out entirely, then I hope I will still have you by my side, will I not?”

“Always”

***

“I will always look after you, Pen. You’re special to me” He had rushed her to dance after quickly downing an entire glass of wine all at once.

“As are you, to me.” His hands were pressing hers in an unnecessary, yet terribly comforting manner.

He was so proud of himself and she was so stunned by what had just happened, how he had come to her family’s rescue from cousin Jack’s fraudulent scheme, that neither of them had a thought for propriety in that moment. In that moment he was not Marina’s husband and father of 2 children, he was the sweet, jovial Colin she had known and loved since the moment they met.

It was a moment soon gone, though, as he returned to his wife the moment their dance was over, as if a magic spell had been broken when the music stopped and stark reality took over once again.

She returned to her normal schedule of talking to Eloise and collecting gossip to form her column in her mind. She would have to compliment the fireworks, for as over indulgent as the rest of the event was, the fireworks were really impressive and they did seem, along with the flowing wine, to bring everyone into high spirits. The event truly was Portia’s triumph, even the Queen had been seen enjoying herself.

And then some guests may have enjoyed themselves too much, for afterwards both Colin and Marina seemed to be a bit past their abilities as they descended from the carriage in front of their home, not without some difficulty, laughing about it, like good friends sharing a silly moment, holding to each other for balance.

“I am so hungry right now”

She chuckled “you’re always hungry, Colin. Don’t you... don’t you have a box of something in your study, I saw you take it, you know?”

“Oh yes, I think I do!” He finally managed to open the door “It was fun tonight, wasn’t it?” He was still feeling the rush of having uncovered Lord Featherington.

“It was” She said as she removed her long gloves. She was smiling, which she rarely did so genuinely. She looked like the girl he had asked to be his wife. He felt compelled to kiss her and end this triumphant night on a high note, upstairs. He was moving towards her, when she distractedly and still drunkenly said something that cooled his rising passions immediately.

“’twas interesting, how you were dancing tonight, Colin. You know” She snickered “you should’ve married Penelope” Marina told him, laughing at the thought and perhaps not fully understanding that she had said that out loud and not just in her mind.

“What on earth are you on about?” Colin didn’t know if he was more confused or hurt that once again he had misread her feelings “Marina --” What was this nonsense? Was she suddenly jealous and of Penelope, at that?

“What?” She covered her mouth for a second “Oh, no, I’m sorry. I just-- I don’t know what I was thinking, too much wine” Marina quickly sobered up and immediately regretted bringing it up.

She was not really sure what would happen if he finally opened his eyes and noticed Penelope. She was certain that Penelope was a good, proper girl and cared too much about society to be any risk on her own. But Marina had noticed in the last months that Colin did enjoy Penelope’s company a little too much. He sought her out at every event, would hang on her every word and seemed too pleased at making her laugh with his little jokes, which she always found a bit annoying herself.

If he made up his mind, would he finally decide to leave her? She wasn’t sure she could fare a divorce and lose the protection of this sweet, honourable man entirely. She hated being this weak and selfish but tried to convince herself that maybe if she did try a little harder, she could finally make it work instead.

“Goodnight, then” he climbed the narrow stairs and retired into his room. There in the darkness he removed his waistcoat, took off his shoes and cravat and threw himself on the bed. He had had too much to drink and he felt his head spinning. How could Marina say such an odious thing? Just when he thought things between them might turn around.

He, marrying Penelope instead, what a preposterous idea! How did she get these twisted notions into her head? That strange hatred for Sir Phillip, and now talking about Penelope like that.

One thing was sure – he thought - Penelope at least knew him well enough not to doubt his word and second guess his every move. Penelope would not be hurtful in a different way every day. No, she would encourage him and support him and even make him laugh with a witty remark, or make fun of him but in a light hearted way – Because, didn’t she already do all those things? Pen would advise him if he needed counsel, and gently correct him when he was being an ass. Pen would smile when he came into a room and always make him feel welcome, she would make him feel like he was the only other one in a room full of people, the only one worthy of her full attention. His Pen would kiss him, her lips firm and warm, and her fingers would roam through his hair and the back of his head and he would kiss her neck, tasting the soft skin, he would cup her breasts, filling his hands while hers would dig into his back and he’d sink slowly, deeply into her, making her moan out his name.

He woke up, startled. “Oh Fuck!.” He pressed his hands into his eyes and moved them to his temples, trying to squeeze the dream out. Marina had clearly gotten into his head. He tried closing his eyes but he was assaulted with the memory of Penelope biting her lower lip in her pink gown.

He couldn’t get back to sleep. He got up and lit a candle and sat at his desk. He needed to take these thoughts out of his head and he remembered Hyacinth had given him a journal as a gift when he was making plans to travel, before he married. And again, Penelope came into in his mind, the memory of her reminding him how much he wanted to travel – and the painful realization that it was probably another attempt to steer him away from Marina. He searched for the journal and finally took it out from a drawer, where it had been buried under old letters.

July 1814

I’ve come undone. It is a wretched thing, my thoughts have been infected most viciously. This contradicting loneliness I’m trapped in has made me lose my mind entirely. The mere insinuation of a more joyous possibility has sent me on a spiral and it is robbing me of sleep.

That had to be it. He had become so bereft of true affection in his marriage that his mind had been happy to confuse his friendship with Penelope for something else. He had temporarily lost his mind. He couldn’t want Penelope like that. He wouldn’t. How could he?

Fortunately the Bridgertons were all going to Aubrey Hall, and the Featheringtons were leaving for their own country home in the next couple of days, so he would have some time to compose himself and regain his sanity. It would be mortifying if he were to see her while he still had the memory of that shameful dream floating around in his head, which in fact went on for far longer that he would ever admit.

Chapter 8

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yingren · 4 months ago

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there's a common misconception that ren is some kind of "unstoppable killing machine" or a monster who will wipe out anything or anyone in his path. in my interpretation, that's not entirely true. while he does possess notable strengths in combat, swordplay, and his rapid healing abilities, i wouldn't describe him as aggressive or brutish. though jingliu drilled the idea of "bringing death" into his mind, that's more of a tether the mara uses to latch onto him, rather than something he actively seeks out. he’s not wandering around like a ticking time bomb, ready to kill anyone who bumps into him.

most of the time, ren is actually calm and composed, having cultivated a great deal of patience over the years, especially with kafka’s spirit whisper guiding him. since the high cloud quintet reunion and coming to terms with the fact that dan heng needs to stay alive, he’s also had time to reflect. that said, this isn’t something that will drastically change his character overnight. after all, that was a relatively recent event in the context of his 700-year lifespan. for someone who has harbored resentment for centuries and had it ingrained in his soul that he must exact some kind of price from dan heng, it’s not easy to shake that mindset. it’s going to take more than just elio saying, "we need dan heng alive," for ren to fully accept and come to terms with it.

this brings us to ren's pursuit of dan heng across the universe. yes, he did chase him with the intent to kill, but that’s not the end goal. killing dan heng wouldn’t bring ren peace or solve his internal conflict. it’s not the final step in his journey. even if dan heng were to die, ren would still be left alone, grappling with how to pay his own price—something he isn’t even sure how to do. immortality itself might be part of that price, but ren isn’t satisfied with it. what he truly yearns for is peace in his own mind, permanent death is currently a last resort.

ren isn't even entirely certain that killing dan heng is the right thing to do. he’s extremely determined and believes that both of them have a price to pay, but he’s unclear on what exactly that price is. when he told a younger dan heng, "before i witness your death in person, we will meet again," that was a long time ago. over time, and especially with the recent events and elio’s orders to spare dan heng’s life, ren is beginning to consider that there might be another way for them to pay this price without dying. he’s not quite at the point of fully embracing that alternative yet ( and his development may differ depending on future interactions ) but that's the direction his character is heading.

some notes on ren’s relationship with death: first and foremost, he was never meant for this kind of existence. he was a short-life species, yet somehow he’s bound to live this way indefinitely. having endured centuries of mental and physical torment, he’s not even sure what he has become anymore. his mara is unlike any other, and his body’s ability to heal isn’t something seen elsewhere.

i don’t exactly write him as suicidal. he doesn’t want to die just for the sake of dying and ceasing to exist. what drives him is the fleeting peace he experiences during death. he says, "in my brief moment of death, all the pain went away," even describing that feeling as miraculous. while he’s incredibly broken mentally, his obsession with dying stems from the fact that, in those brief moments, the pain and the torment stop. it’s not death itself that he seeks, but the temporary escape it brings—a small sliver of peace he gets addicted to, something he longs for. that break from the endless suffering is irreplaceable to him, and it’s the only relief he knows how to seek out in his current existence. living, especially like this, is not ideal to him. he views himself as an abomination and death is the one way he can end his own suffering.

these are just some rough thoughts that have been on my mind for a while. since dan heng is a character involved in multiple storylines and has connections with a lot of people, i wanted to put this out there. i’ve mentioned several times that platonic/romantic relationships won’t magically change ren's resolve in pursuing dan heng for the price he believes they both owe. however, to clarify: with enough development and mutual understanding of my interpretation of ren, that "price" doesn’t necessarily have to be death.

#ooc.#muse study.#i am exhausted with myself #cw for stuff like death and suicide so yk yk

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omniblades-and-stars · 1 month ago

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9 & 10 for Valethen!

Oh a twofer! Here we go!

9. a future historian’s account of your OC’s actions

While many contemporary writings cover the vast breadth of Lavellan's actions, for many volumes could be written about the events surrounding the Inquisition of 9:41 Dragon, very few seem to address what, exactly, happened at the Winter Palace in Halamshiral.

The results of Inquisitor Lavellan's meddling at Empress Celine Valmont I's pivotal ball are not in dispute. The Empress was slain, her cousin Duke Gaspard de Chalons ascended as emperor in her place, and the woman rumored to be Celene's lover, an elf named Briala, was granted the title of Marquise of the Dales. The results of this course of events are well documented by primary sources. Court historian Lady Marcellete kept detailed notes, albeit biased and littered with rumors and gossip overheard in dark corners during the ball, and of court activity until her replacement in the year 9:44 Dragon.

There were rumors that the Inquisitor, an apostate mage and an elf, performed a blood magic ritual there in the ballroom, controlling Grand Duchess Florianne de Chalons' mind and forcing her to murder her cousin. This outlandish rumor can be dismissed out of hand. Many people at the time were horrified to watch as the Inquisitor stood by and allowed the murder of the empress. Many speculate that Lavellan thought to gain more power over Orlesian politics by installing the Grand Duke to the throne.

Inquisitor Lavellan's own letters tell a different story. Found in the Chantry library documenting the time during the Inquisition's existence and Divine Victoria records, the Inquisitor wrote to many people in the aftermath of that ball, and the many conflicts that followed both in Orlais and the rest of Thedas.

In one letter, written to Divine Victoria shortly after her ascension in the year 9:43 Dragon, Valethen expressed her doubts about the decision, saying, "The Duke is a brute and just as bad, if not worse than his cousin. I would be glad to never be involved in Orlesian politics again."

As to the Inquisitor's motives for allowing Empress Celene to be assassinated, very few records still exist. However, I have located one letter, written to Marquise Briala. It is undated, but appears to have been written in the immediate time after the ball.

Briala, Marquise of the Dales,

I apologize if I have not titled this letter correctly. I'm afraid I quite used up all of the grace and courtly knowledge that could be afforded to me at the Winter Palace.

I am writing to you, Briala, because I feel I must explain my own actions to you. I know what the Empress meant to you, and to witness what I allowed, I know you must believe me a conniving and heartless bitch. Perhaps you are correct.

I know what she did to crush that elven rebellion. What she has had you do. These are not secrets to me. You must understand the rage I feel in my heart, to see people like me, like you, subjugated and cruelly treated within the walls of her own palace, to know what crimes she has committed against my people. I could not find it in my heart to forgive it, did not have the strength to overlook it. It was petty, I will admit.

I fear Gaspard is no better, though I find some relief that he finds his power neutered. Were it truly up to me, I would have let Orlais' nobles play their horrid little games until they bury themselves in the ground. And I might have if it would not have a profoundly negative effect on the common people, and a far worse one on the elves.

I don't seek forgiveness, I ask for none. I only wish to be understood not for a power hungry politician, and just for the person I actually am, as broken and flawed as the rest.

Keep yourself well and safe, Briala. I would not trust the Duke not to scheme against you in the coming years.

Sincerely,

Inquisitor Valethen Lavellan

Contemporary sources, mostly written by Orlesian nobility, often overlook how Celene's burning of the elven alienage in Val Royeaux might have colored the Inquisitor's perception of the embattled Empress. Much was made at the time of the Inquisitor's Dalish heritage, and even more of her magic, but very little was afforded to her desire to see the wrongs against her people righted. That she was an elf made it easy for her to be a villain in the Orlesian Court, a notion that must be held up to the same standards of the normal course of affairs of Orlesian politics. It is no secret that the Great Game often involves murder schemes, spying, and strategic inaction. What they found so offensive was simply that she was an outsider who excelled at their own Game.

An Excerpt from "On The History of Divine Justinia V's Inquisition", written by Sister Alicia Delcroix, Chantry Historian

10. a description of your OC by someone who hates them

Found in the archives of the Chantry in Val Royeaux

Revered Mother Hevara,

I must impress upon you the dire state of Divine Justinia's Inquisition. The rumors you have heard don't come close to scratching the truth of things, and the truth is far worse than you could believe.

The prisoner, the Dalish elf from the Free Marches, and the only suspect in the Divine's murder, has not only been freed, the people have taken to calling her the Herald of Andraste, simply because she claims that a woman helped her out of the Breach after the explosion.

Are we to allow such heresy based on the hallucinations of an elf, and an apostate mage, no less?

The woman herself says that she makes no such claims. I do not know if it is better or worse that she steadfastly denies the title of Herald, as the reasoning for it is her belief in the elven gods. For Andraste's sake, she has one of those heretical tattoos declaring her as a follower of a false myth. Worse, after an inquiry into the meaning of it, I am told that it represents their god of secrets. This bodes ill, I tell you. This unassuming woman does not even need to speak, she does little enough of it anyhow, to weaken the Chantry even further. Her very existence is trouble enough.

However, it's her magic that concerns me the most. She makes no secret of it, proud as she is that she learned without the proper guidance of a Circle. Lavellan uses it for even the smallest thing, such as heating her tea when it has grown cold, to conjuring flower blossoms just for the vanity of decorating her hair. She flaunts her magic for all to see, and I suspect it is simply because she knows it upsets the few Templars who remain loyal to the Chantry, knowing they are rendered impotent currently.

We must put a stop to this Inquisition. I have no doubts that this is not what our beloved Divine intended. I fear what will happen in the time to come if they are not brought to heel, and this apostate along with them.

Faithfully,

Grand Chancellor Roderick Asignon

Another Codex ask game? You bet your ass! Blow me up!

#daisy screaming into the void #this is my ask game tag now #valethen Lavellan #I love her so much you don't even know

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alexbkrieger13 · 8 months ago

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Just a random thought but the Pulse club shooting happened 8 years ago. As an american I always felt so insecure doing everything, I've suffered 3 shootings/almost shootings in all my life but that attack changed something because it was an LGTB club.

I was 13 back then and sadly I knew this things happened everywhere, also in Europe with the rise of ISIS but this was a raging homophobe with a gun. I was starting to innocently believe that I "wasn't like what everyone wanted me to be" and right when I started to want to know what I felt about myself this happened.

The wave of fear that came upon me was so big that I forced myself to date men for years until a few years ago: I met a girl in college whose brother survived the attack, she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my life. We got on immediately but every time we were alone I felt unease, I backed away from her touch and at parties I put up bathroom excuses to force myself to make out with some random guy and she was always left alone watching and left.

One day I met her brother and he said something about woso to which I replied passionately, he smiled and said that we had a lot in common but deep down I already knew that. I was so scared to hear that and he felt it, apologised and told me that because of what he had lived (and what I did too) life is to short to be unhappy just because you fear what's going to happen to you for being yourself and happy with it.

I kept his words in my mind and tried to embrace what I was and what I felt, I didn't panic with her touches or back down or avoid her, instead I actively looked for her which was hard because I'm so shy

A few months after the conversation with his brother she came crying to my room at campus at 4AM because she couldn't sleep and was confused, I had given her some signals then another ones then another and she couldn't bear it anymore because she liked me but also didn't want to make things weird or force me onto anything I didn't want. We had a very deep conversation and she felt asleep afterwards so the next day before classes I made her breakfast, bought her flowers, carried her bags on the way to uni, gave her my jacket because the AC was overpowered, voluntarily seek her hand and finally invite to a freaking date: all the things I deep down wanted to do but held because of internalised homophobia.

We have been dating for exactly a year now, I'm the happiest person on Earth and I'm extremely proud to call myself a queer nonbinary.

All this nonsense blurb has the single purpose of please inviting you to accept who you are, because you deserve to be happy just like that. Peace and love people, love yourselves <3

How on earth has it been 8 years...its probably the first one that I really remember happening and I was similar just turned 14 years old and just figuring out things about myself, and then that happened.

internalised homophobic is really had to work through so fair play to ya for embracing the person you truly are.

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namoamii · 4 months ago

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On Kamukura, my very shallow thoughts after reading y'all's thoughtful writings. LONG.

So, as I have said in couple of my previous posts, I think Kamukura is really a young soul that hadn't experienced most of the world, which is the reason why he (as opposed to the things that he'd say) reaches out his senses to actively receive outside information -- actively receive, an oxymoron that somehow makes sense to me in Kamukura's case.

He's like what, idk, 3-5 years old? To me he's a child who complains about not having enough toys to play around with: why is this world so dull and stagnant? Why wouldn't anyone excite me? (this goes back to @/thekamukuraproject's point about being lonely at the top) Except he's born like that, he was born a giant with a child's mind. Natually he seek for excitement but was probably met with only disappointment. His birth is not a miracle, but a plan, a project. He was born to be someone else's copy -- not even his name is his own! If you play the game in original Japanese, his name is written in katakana, meaning he is simultaneously Kamukura Izuru (the concept) yet not Kamukura Izuru (Hope's Peak's founder).

Why did the founder Kamukura wanted a copy of himself? Was it hubris or was it loneliness? Hubris of wanting to create an entire new human specie so that the world can evolve in the image of his own, of wanting to become God? Or the loneliness because no one can truly understand him and his aspiration, hopes and love, so he wanted someone who he can love without being afraid that his own talent would overwhelm the relationship? (Think about Frankenstein's monster, what did he ask his creator? He asked for a companion!)

But I guess the research got twisted in the century that Hope's Peak Academy had too evolved. Founder Kamukura had died and no one can truly know what his intentions behind the project were. So I just believe that the researchers had lost the direction and buried in their own hubris, as we human always do. They "created" the copy Kamukura but had long lost the original. This already makes the entire situation quite bad.

Now, remember what Kamukura called these researchers? "Teachers." A child giant born as the product of the experiment must be overwhelmed by his surroundings, what does he do? He looks around, he bears all the talents yet nothing else. He comes to this world empty-handed like all of us do. Yet he has a gifted mind. He observes and interprets, he knows these adults surrounding him are using him, but he doesn't know (nor care?) that he is being used. Is being used a bad thing? No one taught him that. So he takes them in, like a child stroking his dolls and robots -- you can't amuse me no more, what should I do next? How can I gain pleasure and satisfaction? Teacher tells him: you're *bored* because you are very talented and this world doesn't suit you. Teacher tells him: you can only have fun once this stagnant world has evolved.

A child must be taught how to play (with dolls and robots). Parent must guide them to create their first very own narrative and assign meanings to old toys. But the narrative Kamukura has been presented is the one that : you bear the responsibility to push the world evolve. So he does what he does best, he uses his talent. I guess.

Junko probably comes up at this point and teaches him a thing or two. Junko is probably more interesting humans of the bunch, Kamukura is so hellishly bored of the lab, so he breaks out. Junko probably don't care about Kamukura's own agenda, all that she needs to know is that Kamukura can be a tool for her to achieve her true despair (or something), so she uses him to create chaos -- this is what the world needs, she probably tells him. After all, "using people is a talent too."

At a certain point I honestly don't think he cares no more. This world only had gotten worse because of the majority i.e. the talentless people. They got messed up just as Junko had planned. So he joins Junko's plan of essentially taking over the entire world and make the world Junko (she's at least better than the rest), hence joining in the entire Jabberwock Island business. He probably would perish too.

Oh boy this has gotten really long. I just wanna add this one bit: On bluesky Kodaka answered a question about Kamukura's execution. Kodaka said: he will be shown the boring daily life of Hinata Hajime again and again and again... And that's his death. Isn't this so so so interesting? Like perhaps to him this Hinata Hajime boy is his end and his birth. He was the product of this utter belief in talent can change him into someone better. But what does Kamukura thinks of himself? Probably someone boring too. I don't believe that he would willingly take the role of messiah and bring a new genesis. Perhaps he will. But he is no selfless god. He is... well, at least I hope he is still human. There's no morally good and bad, not even hope or despair. It's boredom and pleasure for him. People would electrocute themselves to be rid of boredom, and that's the miasma that's plaguing him. How horrible is that life. Ugh.

#komaedump

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m1ster1e · 2 months ago

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Life update to kinda explain my distance from Paper Airplanes, sorry this is so long:

(☆Short explanation: 1.more working hours, 2.tiny living space, 3.unattended/worsening injury☆)

Ik my audience is still pretty small BUT I do still apologize for dragging my feet on this next chapter. I have a majority of it done but usually I'm severely out of spoons to get it all finished up.

1. I think a part of my problem is my new major is basically entirely online. (Yes, I did leave CS finally and my mental health has improved DRASTICALLY in terms of academic life) Because of this I now work a shit ton of hours which is great for my wallet but now that little 50min-1hr break between classes I used to have is gone I no longer have my quiet study and writing time. It's office hours and then home. And home isn't bad, but it isn't the most comfortable place either.

2. My boyfriend and I share a room and sleep in a twin bed together, not a problem until you're back to back in your desk chairs lol AND there's like 4-5 people living in the same living area as you so it's just really cramped and hard to find a nice and comfortable place to write lol. I'm still very blessed to have a roof over my head and all that jazz but we were looking for an apartment however his father did not approve us living together (we already live together in secret and even offered to get a two bedroom) but his father refused, which means we would not get his parents hand me down furniture they promised him when he got his first apartment. Anybody with Hispanic and especially religious Hispanic parents probably gets that even though you're an adult you're not really an adult in their eyes which is a problem with a collective culture I think.

3.And an unfortunate update but I've developed snapping hip syndrome which I know I've technically had since high school but the intense physical demand of collegiate cheer has made it extremely painful. The pain started about a year ago and has progressed even further now. The problem is our assigned athletic trainer had resigned over the summer, with her gone we no longer had anyone specific assigned to our cheer or dance problems. This posed a risk to our safety as before her our program struggled to be taken care of seriously and given medical attention when needed. We had asked our department director if we were guaranteed medical care even without her and he promised us we would not have the problems we once had. This was most definitely a lie. I reported this pain in early October and still have yet to be seen other than the initial consultation that lead to my diagnosis. There is nothing worse than knowing what's wrong with you but NOBODY is interested in helping you and if you seek medical care outside of the university you could face punishment. I will likely not been seen until somewhere in January if I'm lucky and there is no other reason for this other than the current team of athletic trainers not believing we are truly athletes. My condition is worsening to the point I'm non functioning without some sort of OTC pain med and it's absolutely ruining my quality of life. Oh and btw thank the Varsity Sprit ™️ monopoly for the reason cheerleaders can't be a part of athletics (NCAA), they will happily hold our status as athletes and the ability to compete alongside them for a couple bucks. This makes our status on campus so low and nobody takes us seriously, our university isn't even interested in contracting another trainer even though our department swore this situation would only be temporary. It's ruining my mental and physical health because I can no longer work out AT ALL or do any of my typical cheerleading activities because of my restrictions, and with PT (or even further care considering this has been unattended for so long) I likely won't be able to do anything until March-ish which is NOT EVEN ONE MONTH from our cheerleading nationals, especially as this is my last year. I'm angry and hurt from how I and my teammates have been treated. Hurt physically, mentally, and emotionally. I'm not even worth the time of day to be treated for serious chronic pain.

Anyway. Enough whining, hopefully I can finish some stuff up soon. Love yall guys sm!!!

#reader insert #big hero six #mystic messenger x reader #tadashi x reader #bh6 tadashi #tadashi hamada #tadashi hamada x reader

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sukibenders · 1 year ago

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(1) I hate that they gave laena the 'consolation prize' treatment to prop up daemyra. I obviously think laena deserved much better than daemon but at least in the book she seemed happy and loved, and the way her character was described sounded like someone who would've loved the life they had in the show (except for the part where she couldn't see her family as much as she wanted). Not that i like laena being reduced to daemon's love interest (or simply to what she meant in his life) but the show was never gonna give her more than that with the way they rushed through things so they could've at least focused on them and not on 'how can we use this character and marriage to highlight even more that daemon wanted rhaenyra and would only ever be happy with her'. They made laena unhappy and unloved to show that daemon was depressed cause he couldn't be with rhaenyra.

In the context of the show they could've made daemon and laena marry and leave to see the world and be happy away from the place, people and customs that made them unhappy or chained them down. Laena would've loved that i'm sure, and they still could've made time to visit her family at driftmark. Laena could've been a woman daemon didn't expect to fall for but did, a love that filled his heart and life despite the way he missed rhaenyra; their time together and the family they formed could've been idyllic while it lasted. It could've been an oasis in the desert for daemon and a truly happy (short) time for laena, before tragedy fell on them in such a horrible way.

Yes to everything you said! Now, keep in mind that while haven't read the books themselves I still know things about them from like.....Google search and just learning from people who've read it. Now, for how easy it was for me, it makes no sense as to why Condal and Sarah whoever and the rest of the creating team for the show couldn't do the same because it seems like they either 1.) had no idea the difference between show and book Laena (which is bs) or 2.) simply didn't care and really wanted to center Daemyra (which seems more likely for how much they focus on the two together). But back to your point. I personally don't like Daemon that much either, really only care about him for his proximity to, mostly, Laena and their children, but from what I've seen, him and Laena were relatively happy and he did love her. Like aside from him killing her betrothed, if he didn't then knowing who this character is there would have been signs that their marriage held difficulty (I do believe the same couldn't be said for Daemyra in the end but that could be a factor of the war) but there weren't. Because, unlike what the show presents, he genuinely loved not only her but his daughters as he brought them to court and King's Landing multiple times.

In context of the show, to add more backstory behind their relationship: you could had Laena growing into herself as a woman, having contrast when we last saw her in prior episode, and have her know her worth (better than her parents trying to give her off to the king). She rides the largest and influential dragons in the world (I would have added a scene of her claiming Vhagar personally but Condal saw it as "unimportant" which was stupid) and comes from one of the richest houses in Westeros. With that in mind we could see her actively seeking Daemon out, like in the show during the wedding, because she knows that she wants him and she will make him notice her. Regardless of what any toxic Daemyra stan says, Daemon not only noticed her but was enthralled as well because he followed her to the dance floor and hardly took his eyes off of her when they were together. We could of had a scene of him explaining his travels and how he isn't burdened by the society around them (foreshadowing their future) and then, when the fighting starts, have him protect her from harm. Their marriage, to even hone in more that he loved her and didn't view her as a replacement for Rhaenyra, show him seek her out this time but, surprise, she turns him down because she views him as still wanting Rhaenyra. It isn't until he kills Bravos (which good for her because I would have added that too) and goes to her father for her hand that she (and the audience) truly realizes that he wants her. They get married and there's actual love there between them because Daemon, keeping good on his word, builds a life for her that isn't weighed down by their society around them and provides her a freedom that she definitely wouldn't of had with Bravos or Viserys. We could see them bonding and enjoying one another's company during their travels (have Laena send letters to Laenor about the new places they have been) and she ends up pregnant with the twins or (because in show I think Baela is older) becomes pregnant with Baela and then Rhaena later on (which could have been a difficult pregnancy that could also explain why it took them a while to try again) early into their marriage because they were just so involved with one another. When Laena nears her end they could had her beg Daemon to take her to Vhagar, for one last ride, have him carry her with the girls behind him, have them hold Laena, their mother, one last time and watch as Vhagar flies overhead with her one last time (this could even add to their story more such as Baela wanting to build her relationship with Moondancer more as to be similar to that of Laena and Vhagar to Rhaena desperately wanting a dragon to feel what her mother felt). We could had this instead of that brutal death scene because, Sarah, I have choice words with her because even the actress for older Laena asked why that plot was added. We all know why it was added because, whether intentional or not, it feels more likely used to prop Rhaenyra's death as more badass as, already, I'm seeing takes of how her dying by dragon fire was a dragon riders death---even though, in the books I think, and actual dragon riders death was being able to ride your dragon one last time and then, by that context, doesn't that mean many of the Targaryen enemies died a dragon riders death as well....?

All of this could have fit in the show (maybe even more with a few more episodes----which still surprises me how many there are because of its predecessor GOT *reminiscing when shows had more episodes*) but if not, then some scenes within the existing episodes could have been cropped or scrapped altogether (especially certain scenes like Aegon jerking off or the disgusting foot scene). It wasn't hard for the HOTD creators to add this, especially into the context of the show (or maybe Condal just doesn't have vision) as what I presented was very simple. But instead, there was a very obvious centering of Daemyra from Laena feeling like a second choice to Daemon not wanting to return home (wonder why) and as a result keeps Laena and the girls from returning home too and so on and so forth. Like they couldn't even let this man shed a tear at his wife's funeral (he laughs instead) and then have him sleep with his niece (who thought that was a good idea) and ignore his daughters for his niece's children even though they were bruised.

These choices do a lot of damage not just from a plot standpoint with Daemon, but the implications. Firstly, there is, to me personally, very little good shown for Daemon that would make me see him as a morally grey character. Like even with Rhaenyra little is shown (why was his ass sitting in a chair while his pregnant wife is standing?) it doesn't read that much like a man who deeply cares for his family. If they had shown him actively in love with Laena and caring for their little family (like they do in the books), then I would have changed my mind, but they didn't. They couldn't even have him say that he loved her when Rhaenyra ask (don't get me started on her saying to him "you abandoned me" but doesn't add Laena in the context as well considering in the books they were friends, could have been another way to add details from the books subtly). Even his relationship with Rhaenyra's kids seems surface level. I actually like book Daemon more than show, and it's because of the things I listed. Instead, in the show, he just, personally, seems like a grooming piece of shit husband (like his brother).

Now on to the implications. When the Velaryons were confirmed to be black in the show, I was excited because I heard great things about the house and characters itself and was like "yeah, black people in fantasy especially on dragons", even forgetting the negative experiences I had as a black audience viewer from GOT and their treatment of poc characters. But I should have known. From the costume design to the wigs, it was already a sign. Seeing more scenes with the white characters than Laena and Laenor, who were crucial to the story and have them put into tropes instead was disheartening. For Laena, it's the disposable black girlfriend (or wife in this case) who can't measure up to Rhaenyra, Daemon's one true love, and can't even have her story be told how it deserves. For Laenor it could be the absent father trope because we see more scenes with Rhaenyra spending time with the children than him, barely see them grieve his "death" before they move on and he is never mentioned again. I won't get into Baela and Rhaena here too much yet until I see how s2 plays out, but already have issues with their character plot in the show and have little hope for the future for them if I'm being honest.

#hotd #house of the dragon #laena valeryon #baela targaryen #rhaena targaryen #daemon targaryen #rhaenyra targaryen #anti daemyra #anti daemon targaryen #ask #lunars ask

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teecupangel · 2 years ago

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Prompt! Desmond mistakenly time travels to Ratonhnhaké:ton's time, and Juno, who realizes what he did, tries to turn Ratonhnhaké:ton against him. I believe I heard somewhere that Juno told Ratonhnhaké:ton to hide the key to the Temple? Well what if she told him of Desmond, maybe showed him a 'projection' of Desmond killing Lucy, and says Desmond will try to befriend him only to turn on him to get the apple of that time? (Ignorant of AC3 so I don't know the timeline of events.)

Juno only talks to Ratonhnhaké:ton twice though since Juno can only talk to Ratonhnhaké:ton using the crystal ball thingie that the clan mother had. One is when he was a teenager and told to leave the village to seek out the Assassins. The next time they talked is when the villagers had left without telling Ratonhnhaké:ton and Ratonhnhaké:ton called Juno out for her lies.

And since you want Juno to talk to Ratonhnhaké:ton about Desmond during the time she tells him to hide the key, we’ll set it at their second talk, during the ending parts of AC3.

So, in this setup, this would be a Ratonhnhaké:ton that’s still reeling from having to kill Haytham, bury Achilles, and find out his village had gone and left him alone even though everything he had done had been to protect them.

Also, by setting this up during that time, we can push the timeline of George Washington showing Ratonhnhaké:ton the Apple and make it so that Juno would show him a vision of the Apple in Washington’s hands, telling him, “He plans to take the Apple from this man…” (which is true, Desmond knows an Apple would be a big help right now) “… to use for his own selfish desires…” (which is also sorta true if you consider trying to change the past a selfish desire since Desmond isn’t thinking of what kind of butterfly effect it would have in the end) “… and none shall be able to defeat him…” (and here Juno will show him Desmond willingly using the Apple to kill Vidic who, as far as Ratonhnhaké:ton knows, is an unarmed old man telling Desmond to stop then flash forward it to Desmond using the Apple to order all Abstergo goons to take their own lives). Without knowing that Abstergo are Templars in disguise (and that Desmond was saving his father and trying not to die or get captured), Juno is able to paint Desmond as a ‘bad man’ that Ratonhnhaké:ton must be wary of.

Hell, Juno goes “You must kill him.” because Desmond only needs to live in the 21st century, this Desmond is an obstacle and a wildcard that Juno can't even use.

“If you do… I will show you where your village has gone.”

And Ratonhnhaké:ton knows he’s being used but, still…

Desmond looked dangerous and if the Apple in Washington’s hands is truly powerful then no one should hold it.

In this situation, both Ratonhnhaké:ton and Desmond go to Washington first just as Washington received the Apple from an unknown person.

Washington is surprised by their appearance (Ratonhnhaké:ton because they didn’t necessarily end in good terms and Desmond because he’s a complete stranger who just barged in without anyone notifying Washington at all) so… the Apple sorta activated while the three of them are in the vicinity.

And thus we have a story idea of Desmond accidentally getting transported into Tyranny of King Washington DLC.

Unorganized Notes:

To make things interesting, Desmond didn’t relive Ratonhnhaké:ton’s memories of the DLC. He went to Washington because he felt the Apple and thought “yeah, Washington shouldn’t have an Apple. Also… I need an Apple and this is closer than the vault in Rome.”

So when he gets transported into the DLC ‘timeline’, Desmond’s just “yeah, definitely the Apple’s illusion powers. But… why is everything so… real? Oh shit. Did I get transported in a different timeline???”

Ratonhnhaké:ton’s part of the story remains the same but Desmond intervenes enough times that his mother doesn’t die. She does, however, go into a coma so we have an excuse for Ratonhnhaké:ton to feel pressured to drink from the Red Willow tree.

Ratonhnhaké:ton sees Desmond has a hidden blade and they fight a few times (with Desmond trying to insist that he doesn’t want to fight Ratonhnhaké:ton and staying more on the defensive). He also notices that Desmond’s fighting style is too close to his own but there are moments where he feels like he is fighting a different person.

Desmond sees Ratonhnhaké:ton summon ghost wolves and he’s like “Okay, we’re doing this now? Fine.” with a tone of a tired man who had seen so much shit in a short amount of time that he’s just rolling with the punches.

Desmond and Ratonhnhaké:ton team up to defeat King Washington and Ratonhnhaké:ton does start to think there is more to it than Desmond being an evil man. Also he was already sus of Juno anyway,

So when they return to the real world, Washington gives the Apple to Ratonhnhaké:ton and Desmond doesn’t do anything. He just… leaves.

Later on, Desmond is surprised when Ratonhnhaké:ton appears before him.

While he’s about to board a ship set for France (it was the ship that would dock closest to Italy).

And Ratonhnhaké:ton admits that he still has the Apple and…

He’d like it if Desmond stayed for a while.

Desmond stares at him before smiling as he says, “I’d like that.”

(You know, for someone who hated the final boss of this DLC, I mention this DLC a lot…)

#desmond gets transported into ratonhnhaké:ton’s time #tyranny of king washington dlc au #i guess?#ask and answer #assassin's creed #desmond miles #ratonhnhaké:ton #connor kenway #fic idea: assassin's creed #teecup writes/has a plot

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