#and i do not understand settling when i can be afforded the life i want

[hadesoftheladies]

let me be so fr y'all. i will NEVER shame a woman for having a man that treats her right. okay? that's always going to be a win, why would i complain about that? i just think that most of y'all that say you found him are fckn lying.

like i've watched women in dv situations lie through their teeth. they'll lie to their besties who know them freckle to freckle about their bruises. it doesn't even have to be abuse. i know how much women lie to keep up appearances with other women and i'm just saying i'm not buying it with most of y'all. that's my truth. and i start having issues when you start lying about that reality to younger women who will most likely just end up in the same shitty relationship bc of the false hope women in mid-to-shitty relationships with men espouse. and i can tell they're lying even MORE when they start trying to talk about how "women aren't necessarily better" whether that's about celibate or same-sex-partnered women. they'll drag their own female friends in order to convince everyone else that their man is truly the real deal as a status symbol. they'll shit on what their friends do for them in order to justify their veneration of this mid-ass moid. i've just seen it happen too many times, and that's why i think it's justified that radfems draw parallels between het-partnered feminists and liberal women who cling to femininity. y'all talk the exact same most of the time and even have the same arguments.

anyways.

[pvremichigan]

Whoopsie time

[fadeintolight]

pont pont vesszőcske

[anotherblinder]

The Ring

Summary || (Y/n) Shelby loses her ring and Thomas helps find it

Word Count || 1.2k

Pairing || Thomas Shelby x Reader

Warnings || There are no warnings

Notes || Hello! It's been a moment since i last posted but here i am with another fic! This one just came to mind while i was writing other fics and i just had to write it out! Super thanks again to @runnning-outof-time for proof reading! Go read her works she is absolutely amazing!

Overwhelming frustration surged through (Y/N) as she looked frantically around the house. Even the help was trying their best to look for it. (Y/n)’s wedding ring had gone missing. She swore up and down she never took it off her finger. It was a very uncommon occurrence for her to remove it. Which is why there was such a panic settled in her.   

The whole house had been searched and it still hadn’t turned up. Feeling defeated, tears started to prick her eyes as she tried to remember where she could have lost it. Not even noticing when her husband Thomas had got home. Too preoccupied with trying to find her precious ring. The Shelby was beating herself up for losing it. Deep down she knew Tommy wouldn’t be upset and just buy her a new one. The thought of having a new one broke her heart. This one means so much to her, it was the one he gave her when they had nothing. How hard Tommy worked to get her that one when they had almost not a dime to their name. It meant so much to her, showed how much he loved her and worked to get her a decent ring at that time in their life. That’s why she was desperate to find it. 

Seconds after he walked through the door, he could see the unusual panic in the house. Well, of his wife at least. Frances had told him the details of what’s been happening over the last few hours. Tommy let out a sigh before thanking the woman and going to his wife. He could see the frustration and panic written all over her. Carefully he walked over to her and placed his hand on her back.  

“Darling, it’s just a ring, I can buy you a new one.” He reassured her   

This seemed to be the wrong course of action. The tears she had been holding back started to fall down her cheeks. Pain was evident in her eyes as she looked at him. It made his heart clench at the sight, realizing what he said did not bring her any comfort at all.  

“I don’t want another ring! I want that one!” She cried   

At that she had moved away from Tommy and stood looking around the room. The man didn’t understand why it was such a big deal to her. It was just a ring, at least to him it was. They didn’t need a silly little piece of metal to show the love they have for each other. Though he didn’t understand, Tommy wanted too. It was clear it meant a great deal to her. Even if it wasn’t to him.  

“What makes you upset about losing the ring? It’s just a ring.”  

Tommy watched as she paused and turned to face him again. Taking the opportunity, he gently wiped the tears from her cheeks. He’d do anything to make his wife happy again, even if that means tearing up the house finding the ring she seems to love so much. Her lips trembled as she took a moment to gather her thoughts.  

“It’s not just a ring, Tommy. You got that for me when we didn’t have this life. When you couldn’t even afford a ring like that. I know how hard you worked for it. Just to get something nice even when I said not to worry. It showed me how much you truly love me and how far you went to get it. That’s why I want that one, it’s full of so much love. I don’t want just some pretty ring you can buy now. I want the one you worked tirelessly to get.”   

Tommy didn’t know what answer he was expecting but it wasn’t that. It made his love for her deepen as he heard her words. They pierced his heart. Sure, he worked hard for the ring but always felt his wife deserved a better ring. Hell, he even swore that when he made it, he’d get her a better ring. When he heard she lost it he thought it would be a good opportunity, but now? Now he just can’t bring himself to do that. Not when he knew she would hate whatever ring he bought her to replace the one she loves so dearly. Unknown to Tommy a smile had grown on his lips as (Y/n) explained why she didn’t want a new one. Leaning in he gave her a gentle kiss and pulled away to look at her.  

“We’ll find your ring.” He said  

“Thank you, Tommy.”   

‘Where did you have it last?” Tommy asked  

She paused and thought for a moment. 

“I remember seeing it in the garden last.”   

“Let’s go look there.”  

Tommy took her hand and walked out to the garden. He knew deep down if they did not find it, he would buy one to replace it. She would not like it, but he could not let her walk around without a wedding ring either. Tommy is still a man who wants to keep his wife to himself. He held onto the hope that they would find it out here, somehow. The couple split up to cover more area of the garden. After searching one area Tommy came to her favourite part of the garden. It was covered with her favourite flowers with a beautiful bench he had made with a table to accompany it.   

The spring winds blew around him while looking for the ring. First, he checked the table then the ground next to it. Both coming up empty. A glimmer in the bed of flowers caught his eye. Knowing what it was, he got down on one knee and picked the ring out of the flower bed. It amazed him how she could have come to love this old thing. But maybe he was starting to understand. Footsteps echoed to his left and he turned in that direction. (Y/n) stood a few feet from him and Tommy swore she never looked more beautiful. The sun is shining off her beautiful hair. Her eyes shining like priceless jewels, always full of love when she looked at him. Like he was the only thing in the world to her. Gently he picked a flower from the stem while standing to his feet.   

Noticing him coming toward her, (Y/n) rushed over and he could see the hope on her face. Smiling Tommy held up the ring, watching the giant grin that formed on her face.   

“You found it! Oh, thank you Tommy!”   

Wordlessly he took her left hand and slid the ring back onto her finger. Right at home where it belonged. He placed a kiss over the ring, making blush rise to his brides' cheeks at the sudden show of affection. The smile on his face showed just how much he loves the woman right in front of him. Feeling the romantic mood in the air, both leaned in for a kiss. A soft, slow kiss showing the love they still held for each other after all these years. Pulling away, he placed the flower he picked earlier behind her ear and held out his arm.  

“Let’s go inside and tell them you found it eh?”   

“Let’s, then I can help with cleaning up the mess I made in the house.”   

Thomas Shelby didn’t understand the love she held for that ring. Then, he understood, seeing the twinkle in her eyes and it shining off her finger after he found it. Thomas too, came to love that dingy old ring he bought years ago. Because it held all the love they held for each other. It’s truly as priceless as the woman he holds in his heart. 

[deancashorrorfest]

We're Baaack... And Bigger than Ever

Come one, come all to the third year of Dean🔪Cas Horrorfest! We've got ghouls and gore, gays and theys! Cannibalism as far as the eye can see! Truly a feast for the senses.

This year I tasked these horrific creatures with a reverse round and they really ate the competition. Below the cut, you'll find things beyond any human comprehension.. Viewer beware, you're in for a scare.

Any Way That You Want Me | M | 10,455 It should have been a cake walk. Get in, investigate the haunted house, and figure out where to dig, salt and burn. But when Cas somehow gets cursed - trapped inside the house's mirrors - Dean finds himself in a race against time. Each day Cas' strength is fading. It's up to Dean to find a solution by digging through the house and the belongings of the former owner.

What he uncovers in the house may change everything. Link to Fic | Link to Art Wicked Muse | E | 15,673 Castiel Novak is a solitary creature. Corporate engineer by day, serial killer by night, and always by himself. Just the way he likes it. Until a new coworker's long, bowed legs, green eyes, and crooked smile catch his eye. He's certain he'll have to kill Dean, at first. He can't afford distractions, living the double life that he does. When the time comes, though, he just can't bring himself to do it. Artistic inspiration, long dormant in Castiel's life, replaces murderous intent.  As his obsession grows, so too does a newfound wish that he could share the deepest, darkest depths of himself with Dean. That Dean would understand, would accept, would even celebrate Castiel's bloody inclinations. But that's absurd. Unthinkable. Dean isn't like that. Is he? Link to Fic | Link to Art Herbicidal | T | 8,249 Dean is settled. His relationship with Cas is going strong, he has a place to call home, and his biggest problems are run-of-the-mill cases and unruly teenagers who think they know everything there is to hunting. Hell, he even plays with the thought of retiring. But then something starts killing people left and right in Lebanon, and Dean and Cas are faced with a case and a foe they have no idea what to do about. Link to Fic | Link to Art Oubliettes of Stone and Sky | T | 9,214 Dean is trying to sacrifice himself for his country like any good king would, and Cas has been sent to stop him. Cas has to keep Dean hostage while journeying through a dust storm and a castle with a mummy inside. Dean is waiting for the chance to escape--and Cas is ready to capture him again. Link to Fic | Link to Art Angel in the Ivory Castle | G | 20,074

Castiel's family is royalty in another world that has lived in peace for many years until recently a darkness has started to spread which has slowly overtaken the beautiful green fields they'd once walk through. Creatures have become corrupted, twisted and turned into something grotesque. Castiel was sent to the other world to find the being he is bonded to in which it's been rumored to save their world but in reality they know what's left doesn't look worth the risk. Link to Fic | Link to Art

Dean and Castiel vs. Evil | E | 31,451

Castiel is trying to survive a camping trip in the Appalachians with his annoying fraternity brothers. At a nearby cabin, Dean is trying to clean up the remains of his and Sam’s recent vamp hunt. Both Dean and Castiel wouldn’t mind exploring their mutual attraction.

But there’s a problem: due to a series of misunderstandings, Castiel’s friends are convinced that Dean and Sam are serial killers. The fact that Castiel's friends keep dying in increasingly grisly ways doesn't help matters. Is there really a killer on the loose? And will Dean and Cas ever manage to score some alone time? Link to Fic | Link to Art

Vacation Interrupted | M | 9,158 Dean can’t remember the last time he took a vacation. Fighting monsters is basically all he’s ever known. They’ve defeated Chuck and Dean finally grew a pair and confessed his feelings and Cas reciprocated. The two of them, along with Sam and Eileen, decide to dip their toes in the sand and take a vacation since the world is relatively monster free. Or at least they thought it was until a Kraken decided to ruin their vacation and start killing people, almost taking Dean for its next victim if Castiel didn’t rescue him in time. So much for a relaxing vacation. Link to Fic | Link to Art Communion | E | 53,639

Few areas in the world are subject to the polar night phenomenon, a period where the sun never rises above the horizon.

When Castiel Novak reaches out to the Winchesters for help, convinced that vampires are about to descend upon one such town during the upcoming polar night, the boys head up to Point Hollow, Alaska to clear the nest before night falls.

What was meant to be a three-day stay devolves into sixty-five days of bloodshed and darkness as resources dwindle and bodies start dropping. Overwhelmed by the calculated organization of the creatures and the size of their nest, it quickly becomes clear that there’s more to the ‘vampires’ than initially seemed.

They’re cunning, they’re ancient, and they’re powerful—and they’ll stop at nothing to be satisfied. But between the starving people and starving creatures, Dean manages to find solace in Castiel—who just might be holding a secret himself. A secret that is key to destroying the creatures and their master, once and for all. Link to Fic | Link to Art Romancing the Exit Sign | E | 125,370

A teenage boy is left to die in a shallow grave and something slithers into his bones. Devotees of an ancient god work to bring Her into the world, as with equivalent fanaticism, a man on a mission picks them off one by one. A lonesome drifter crosses paths with a mysterious stranger and finds himself inexorably drawn into the middle of it all.

Dean Winchester is adrift. All he has is his car, the next hunt, and a conversation he doesn’t want to have waiting for him in California. Then a case involving mangled bodies washing up on shore in an idyllic lakeside community puts him on the trail of a man calling himself Castiel, and the dangerous web he’s entangled in. Dean is used to living in a world of monsters, but the End of Days is a little out of his wheelhouse. Especially when his only ally is determined to keep his secrets behind his teeth, even as they draw closer together. Still, he intends to see things through, no matter how dark the path ahead gets.

It’s either that, or call his brother. Link to Fic | Link to Art Survivalism | E | 14,067

Genetic engineers Castiel Novak and Dean Winchester are on the verge of a breakthrough in cancer treatment and possibly even a cure, using genetic manipulation and incredibly, shark DNA.

Following a devastating diagnosis of brain cancer, and amid growing pressure from his boss, Dick Roman, for results, Castiel is pushed to an act of desperation. He tests the cure on himself with disastrous and violent results.

He has never been so hungry. Link to Fic | Link to Art

These Hallways Echo | M | 10,290 Loneliness. Previously, Dean Winchester had thought he knew the definition of the word, the way it felt to be isolated. That was wishful thinking. It’s here and now, in these never-ending corridors of winding walls and this damn carpet with the nauseating pattern, where Dean discovers the true meaning of being alone. Solitary. Detached. The man hears ghosts, echoes of conversations long since over, but there’s nobody for him to speak to. Dean sees the phantoms of late vacationers stepping through doorways or occupying beds but he can never get anybody’s attention. No one stops to hear him. Not a single soul has looked him in the eye or acknowledged that he, too, is trapped here. Caught in this unending hallway where time means nothing and waiting for tomorrow is fruitless. Link to Fic | Link to Art Ground Control to Major Tom | E | 21,506 Dean Winchester dreamed of being a mechanic all his life, but he never thought he would end up working as a mechanic for NASA and going into space. He is thrust into his first ever space mission after a strange lunar body, dubbed Luna-b I, mysteriously appears in Earth’s sky. Teams of astronauts scramble up to the permanent lunar base and begin analysis to determine if the blue orb is any threat to mankind. Most of the first team is sent home after a few months, nearly all of them having fallen ill with devastating cases of space sickness. As time goes on, it becomes clear that something altogether unnatural is going on here. Dean feels like he’s losing his mind as he and his crewmates also begin to succumb to sickness. He races to figure out what could possibly be the root cause. Is Luna-b I really just some weird, deep space rock that got caught in the Moon’s orbit by chance? Or is it something much more sinister, watching and waiting for the opportune moment? Link to Fic | Link to Art The Forgotten Halls | T | 9,337 A long time from now — maybe decades, maybe centuries — there are only the Halls, and the Entity, and the Angel. They exist in harmony, mostly. When an outsider changes their routine, a routine so long-standing that the Angel remembers nothing that had come before it, the disturbance will threaten the fabric of their entire universe. Link to Fic | Link to Art It's Got A Death Curse | E | 19,101 Dean and his friends have been coming to Camp Garrison for years, first as campers, then as counselors. Their last summer together kicks off with a bang when a figure from their dark past reappears and buried secrets from a near-forgotten tragedy threaten to resurface. It only gets worse when a storm rolls in, and the night becomes a gory fight for survival. The camp may not have electricity, but it's got a death curse. Link to Fic | Link to Art ghost, zero, suitcase & the moon | M | 19,433

Dean has always known it was ending. The world, that is. He knew it when he was three, awake and screaming in the middle of the night with the image of fire leaving an afterburn behind his eyelids. He knew it while he learned to ride a bike, while he went to his first school dance, had his first kiss, tipped back his first beer with his dad. He knew it when dad left, too. When Sammy died. When it all began to crumble.

He has always known it was ending. Now he's alone in a cabin somewhere so far north and so far west that he thinks half the continent never knew it existed in the first place, and he's got the same damn nightmares, the same burn behind his eyes, and the sense that ending is a verb that goes on and on into eternity and outside of time. Link to Fic | Link to Art Rosewood | T | 5,099

Dean believes a lot of things.

He believes the manner of his death was decided by his father the very night that yellow-eyed demon ripped his mom away from him.

He believes he’ll die, broken and bloody and alone on a hunt, and anything Cas does only delays the inevitable.

He believes he doesn’t deserve to be saved.

Dean knows Cas will do it anyway.

Months after Mrs. Butters leaves the bunker, intent on finding a home of her own, a peaceful section of pines set deep into the American heartland becomes anything but. Haunted by Purgatory at every turn, and forced to confront the consequences of decades of torture and abandonment at the hands of his predecessors, Dean and Cas set off to solve a string of disappearances in the forest where they stumble across a familiar face -- and an all-too-familiar feeling. Link to Fic | Link to Art MAW | M | 8,575

The world is full of sorrow, of sadness, of pain. The people within it deserve better than what Castiel's father gave them. They deserve peace and contentment, security and love. They deserve a New World.

And there is no safer place than inside Castiel. Link to Fic | Link to Art hold my hand until it bleeds | E | TBD The five years that Alistair did nothing but beat him. The feeling of no longer having skin. The feeling of no longer having flesh. The feeling of being nothing but bone and blood. Link to Fic | Link to Art The Possession of Jimmy Novak | E | 16,952

Dean Winchester was surprised to learn that when his father died, he left behind a beautiful house in the suburbs of Illinois, complete with neighbors who welcomed the newly arrived Dean with casseroles and invitations to join them at church.

It all seemed so very normal.

But there was something about Jimmy Novak that Dean couldn’t put his finger on, something not normal, and when Dean became an unwitting accomplice to Jimmy’s crime he discovered the horrifying truth:

That wasn't Jimmy Novak. Link to Fic | Link to Art It Will Come Back | E | 13,164

Senior Special Agent Castiel Novak and Special Agent Dean Winchester are partners within the FBI's Criminal Investigation Division. For the past several months, they've been investigating a string of murders, all resulting in cold-cases from what they believe to be the same killer. Despite being one of the best minds in his division, Castiel can't find a link between cases, and it's driving him to his wits' end.

As the cases begin to pile up, Castiel's confidence plummets, the chances of catching the killer are growing smaller, and other members of the division are beginning to contribute to Castiel's decreasing faith in his detective skills. As time goes on, Dean is there to help Castiel, but a final case relating to a horror film might be the start of Castiel's unraveling. Link to Fic | Link to Art Someone to Punish Me | E | TBD

Dean's chasing another lead for his old man, this time ending up in Maine, searching for the town of Silent Hill. Residents of nearby Cushing tell him to stop looking, but he can't help it. He's got a job to do, after all. After a resident finally points him in the right direction, Dean finds his way up the mountain to Silent Hill. But there's so much more to the town than John let on. And so much more that Dean needs to learn about himself. Link to Fic (TBD) | Link to Art 1 | Link to Art 2 Night Shift | E | 67, 758

As far as job opportunities go, replacing the previous night guard of fifty years at the Nebraska Museum of Natural History wasn't Dean's first choice, but a job was a job. Especially considering he got fired from his last job and was in need of the money. However, said job proves to be more difficult than described.

Faced with strange events revolving around one of the exhibits he was tasked with guarding, an angel statue that was more than what it seemed to be, he must unravel the mysteries that arise as a result. Why did the angel statue come to life each night? Why did an unknown number keep messaging him the same sequence of numbers? It was a race against the clock and Dean's dwindling sanity to find answers to these mysteries. Link to Fic | Link to Art A Word in the Mists | M | 23,968

Mist as far as the eye can see. A gloomy ocean that seems to swallow up the sunlight like broken dreams. An old, rusty ship that creaks with every inch of movement. And a crew that could compete in an award for grumpiest people alive.

Dean really hates pretty much everything about this case, and would love nothing more than to call it quits and turn this ship around... if there wasn't the little issue of the disappearance of thousands of people across ten different ships on the open sea.

Saving lives is what he does. But he has to question if he isn't doing more harm than good when the disappearances begin on his own ship—and he still hasn't even figured out what kind of monster they're dealing with. Link to Fic | Link to Art Terror As Sharp As Pain | M | 10,815 After Jack brings Cas back from the Empty, everything almost returns to normal. Cas moves into The Bunker, they go back to hunting, and they do not talk about his confession. With the number of hunts dwindling, Team Free Will takes up a case in Derry, Maine, a town terrorized every 27 years by disappearances and violent deaths. Even though the cycle isn't due to repeat for another 19 years, they will have to face fear itself to free the town. Link to Fic | Link to Art no spill blood. | M | 7,217

A witch hunt becomes far more than that when Dean rescues an unassuming, innocent, harmless stranger. But Castiel is more than he seems, and as the lines of their unlikely connection blur, so does the truth. Revenge, plain and simple. Surviving to see it through, not so simple. Link to Fic | Link to Art You can find the complete collection over on Ao3! Happy Haunting, folks! See you next Halloween 👻🎃🤡

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

just a girl 1

Warnings: this fic will include elements, some dark, such as possible cheating, low self-esteem, noncon/dubcon, and other untagged triggers. Please take this into account before proceeding. It is up to curate your online consumption safely.

Summary: you move in with your sister when your luck turns for the worst.

Characters: Walter Marshall, possible Andy Barber

Author’s Note: Please feel free to leave some feedback, reblog, and jump into my asks. I’m always happy to discuss with you and riff on idea. As always, you are cherished and adored! Stay safe, be kind, and treat yourself💜

It isn't your proudest moment. You don't have many of those. There is little remarkable about, nothing of note, nothing admirable. You might stand a bit taller than most but it's rarely given as a good thing. 

You never expected much of life. You resigned yourself to living in the shadows. In particular, you knew you would always bet outshone by your sister's light. You can't hate her for it; it's your own shortcoming. Besides, no one can hate Riannon, she's just that nice. 

You are dark smear on the family name. It's why you didn't even think to ask your parents for help. You didn't even ask your sister, she offered, insisted really. You could never deny her and in this instant, you couldn't afford any other option. 

It’s just for a while, you keep telling yourself. You’ll find a new job and a place soon. For now, you’ll just stay out of the way. It isn’t very hard; you take up much more room than your few possessions. 

You keep yourself holed in the guestroom as you settle into your second day. You have your laptop on your thighs as you scroll the job boards. You have the experience but you expect your reference would be any good. You didn’t exactly end on cordial terms. Starting from square one, though the industry isn’t exactly even ground for men and women alike. 

You hunker down to search through the various postings within your purview. Every classification is ticked off, even the years, it’s just that little note about contacting your previous employers that makes you nervous. Well, you at least have to try. 

A knock comes at the door as you edit your cover letter once again. You sit up and close the computer. You slide it aside and get up. You cross the room and crack the door open. You sister smiles from the other side. 

“Am I making too much noise?” You ask as your music plays music from its tiny speaker. 

“No, no, not at all. Um, so you know Andy is out of town for the day so it’s just us,” she rocks, “and there’s a barbecue down the street so... I thought you could get to know the neighbourhood.” 

You look down at her, the offer catching you off guard. You were prepared to spend the whole day hidden away and poring over job listings. Even when you had your own place, you tended to spend most of your own time inside. 

Still, she is doing you a huge favour and it would be rude to say no. You shrug, “okay.” 

“Great, I have some potato salad I'm bringing,” she chirps.  

“Uh,” you look at her blue checkered capris and pristine white blouse, “should I change?” 

“It’s up to you. I'm just going to get packed up. I’ll meet you in the kitchen.” 

Her excitement is palpable. She probably expected you to say no. You don’t want to let her down again. You’re tired of that feeling. 

You close the door as she bounces away and you retreat to search through your still unpacked suitcase. Your clothes hang over the sides. You pick out a band shirt and a pair of dark grey jeans. You don’t have any shorts and you know your repertoire of dark colours only draws in the sun’s fury, and like of the vaunted HOA, but you don’t have many options. 

You emerge with a pair of converse in hand and head into the kitchen. Rhiannon snaps the lid onto a big bowl as she beams up at you. You don’t understand how you share the same blood, she’s so different than you. Where you’re tall and gangly, she’s small and dainty; where your dour and reticent, she’s bright and bubbly. Your parents even kidded that you must’ve been switched at the hospital. 

“Ready?” She asks. 

You nod and look down at yourself. 

“If you want to borrow a skirt or something, it’s pretty hot out.” 

“It’s fine.” 

You don’t take her offer as any comment on your choice, only genuine concern. If it was your mom, you would know it was more than that. To be fair, your mother is very direct with her critiques. Besides, even if her clothes would fit you, you don’t want to risk ruining any of her things. 

“Alrighty, well, Marge will kill me if I’m late again,” she sings and sweeps around with the bowl. “It’ll be nice to get out, huh?” 

“Mhmm,” you grumble and follow her down the hall to the front door. 

She steps into her wedged sandals as you sit to pull on your converse and lace them up. You stand and get the door for her as she prances towards it. She thanks you and you trail her out. The sun hits you like fire. It’s so hot, though you think some of the heat comes from your own self-consciousness. 

As you catch up to your sister at the bottom of the steps, you slow down to keep from outpacing her shorter legs. Even with her platformed soles, she’s still ahead shorter than you. You turn down the sidewalk as you shy away from the strange faces headed in the same direction. 

“You want me to carry that?” You offer. 

“Hey, I might be small but I can handle a salad,” she chirps. 

“I know, I wasn’t--” 

“I’m teasing. It’s fine, I got it,” she assures you as she hugs the bowl to her stomach, “I just want you to have a good day. Don’t think about everything else, okay?” 

“Mm, okay,” you keep your head down as you slink next to her jouncing steps, “sorry, I'll try not to be too grim.” 

“Whatever, you’re awesome,” she nudges you with her elbow, “you just be yourself and I know you’ll find some good friends around here.” 

You try to smile but it hurts. She always sees the best in others, even when it’s not there. You keep pace with her and turn up another curated lawn. The walk is perfectly laid and the blossom tree sways overhead. 

Rhiannon is welcomed through the open gate by one of those blonde women she has her book club with and you shuffle in with your hands in your pockets. You feel the woman’s harsh gaze and peek up. She looks at you the same way your mother does. Her name is Marge and her friend is Callie and there are dozens of the Stepford-like figures posted throughout the yard. 

“Come, let’s put your salad out,” Marge insists. 

Rhiannon looks at you and you chew your cheek, “go, I'll be fine.” 

She looks reluctant but you’re already walking away. You ignore the smell of sausage and beef rising from the barbeque and the splash and laughter of children from the pool. You aren’t going to find any friends here. That much is clear. Housewives and little kids, you don’t really fit the bill. 

You find your way to the far end of the lawn and stand by a tree you might just blend into. Or maybe you might bury yourself in the rose bushes. You pull your hands from your pockets and hook your fingers into your belt loops, swaying as you watch a bumble bee hover over the grass. 

“Foo Fighters, huh?” A low drawl brings your head up as a man approaches with a beer bottle in hand. 

“Um, yeah,” you look down at your shirt, tugging on the hem. 

“You go to a show?” He asks as he stops near you, drinking from the bottle as he waits for your answer. 

“Never been to one,” you cross your arms, “but I listen to them.” 

“Ah, yeah, well, they put on a hell of a show,” he wiggles the bottle as he talks, “lot more fun than these things.” 

You look up the yard towards the mingling of voices and sound. Despite your efforts to hide in a corner, you must have stuck out like a sore thumb. Shoot, maybe he thinks you’re trespassing. 

“I came with my sister,” you point and shift towards the party, “sorry, um, Rhiannon. I didn’t... I was just looking at the roses.” 

“Not my party,” he scoffs, “I don’t care.” 

“Oh,” you blink and look at him. He's about your height, dark curly hair, and vibrant blue eyes. His dark beard is thick and stubble prickles along his neck. He wears a plain white shirt and jeans; the bare minimum. “Right, er, well...” 

“Not a bad idea, hiding behind a tree,” he remarks, “but you're missing the key ingredient.” 

He stops and stares, crooking a brow as if you should know what he means. 

“Alcohol,” he raises his bottle, “they got a keg even. Probably the only good part about these bull—these things.” 

“I don’t drink,” you mutter, “but thanks.” 

You put your head down and stare at the grass around his shoes. You don’t know why he’s bothering you if it isn’t to make you leave. Obviously, you don’t belong. 

“Never too late to start,” he snorts and stays as he is. 

You don’t know how to make him leave you alone so you say nothing. The bee dips into a tulip’s mouth and you turn to watch it. Maybe he’ll take your silence as a hint. 

[queenshelby]

THE FUTURE (PART THREE)

Pairing: Emmett (A Quiet Place) x Original Female Character

Warning: Age Gap, Forced Procreation, Past Sexual Abuse, Angst

Three weeks after Caitlyn and Emmett returned to the Island and Caitlyn was afforded some time to settle back an, the Council summoned them for a meeting to discuss some arrangements for them and Caitlyn's fostered children.

Evelyn was on the Council as well, and she was sympathetic towards Caitlyn's precarious position as a young woman who, before coming to the island, had escaped from the clutches of those who had destroyed her life. She could not imagine what Caitlyn was going through now that, due to her age, she was asked to partake in the procreation program and, therefore, tried to help her as much as she could. 

Emmett also understood Caitlyn's plight, and he sympathized with her even though he was usually rather harsh and private.

He had known loss, pain, and sacrifice himself, and as he witnessed the vulnerable young woman navigate her own struggles, which somehow made him soften a bit. Despite his reservations, he agreed to move in with her and act as a guardian to her children. Essentially, he was to play the part of father and lover without actually being neither, but the Council did not know this, other than Evelyn who was privy to Emmett's plan.

"Emmett," one of the members of council began to speak. "It is our understanding that you have agreed to be paired with Caitlyn and, considering her youth, we expect this collaboration to yield results quickly, as per the new procreation program," the representative decreed, bringing forth a chuckle.

"You fucking people," he sighed, rubbing the crease between his brows. "Why someone would go through the trouble of reproducing when we can barely offer a decent life to those who already live here is beyond me but, yes, I agree to be paired with Caitlyn," he exclaimed, making his position clear. 

The air in the room grew heavy with tension, intensifying with every word he spoke and a ripple of unease crept through the Council's ranks, challenging their demands and causing uncertainty to bubble beneath the surface. Evelyn observed the exchange silently, proud of Emmett's defiance and confident in his abilities to navigate the challenges that lay ahead and, yet, she had to caution him.

"Emmett, we need your assurance that you will comply with the program," she emphasized, trying to maintain a semblance of normalcy, causing him to sigh again. 

Then, Emmet nodded nonetheless, understanding the implications of his earlier words. Being paired with Caitlyn meant that she was safe from other men who might abuse her just like the men on the mainland did before she was rescued. This was not something Emmett wanted for her and, as thus, he agreed to comply.

"We will do our best," he then reassured the council while you sat there, silently, nodding and wearing a forced smile. You tried to hide how you felt about this arrangement, but the subtle glint of distress in your eyes gave you away. Yet, you silently hoped that this would be enough to keep you safe from the prying, and at times malevolent, eyes of those that ruled over this strange island.

The meeting carried on for a while, as they discussed all the details of your new living arrangements and it was decided that Emmett had to move in with you and make available his cabin on the beach for new arrivals.

You were also told that you had three months to fall pregnant, failing which you would be paired with someone else. 

Emmett observed the distress etched on your face, knowing the immense anxiety this news provoked. But like the strong and resilient woman you were, you reframed the situation in a different light. Three months was enough time to devise an alternative plan. Three months meant you could continue working on your farm, growing food for the community. Three months was enough time to consolidate your relationship with Emmett, forging a friendship that could ultimately buffer the emotional storm that was about to unleash upon you.

And this is exactly how you chose to look at it, on the outside at least.

***

That same day, Emmett brought his belongings to your house

. You watched as he carried his bag, taking in the sturdiness of the worn leather, the way it hung from his shoulders, remnants of a once simpler time before everything changed, before the world as they knew it collapsed.

"I will take the floor," he signed, rolling out the swag in the living room which is where you too were sleeping. In the corner of the Livingroom there was a small bed which was yours and in the one small single bedroom next to it, the two boys were sleeping on mattresses on the floor. You had no kitchen and only an outdoor shower. Your house was simple as you had built it with your own hands, but Emmett did not seem to mind. 

It was a roof over their heads, after all. He nodded approvingly as he surveyed the small but cozy home. Despite the austere conditions, Emmett could not help but appreciate the tranquility of your surroundings.

"You did well here, Caitlyn," he complimented, as you watched him shed his worn-out jacket, revealing the muscular contours of his upper body beneath. The cuts and creases on his arms were fitting reminders of the life you both led on this island.

Though Emmett was a seasoned survivor, Caitlyn wondered if he was capable of fathoming the inner turmoil you harbored as you navigated your complicated existence on the Island.

Emmett's eyes fell on the crude drawings that adorned every vertical surface of your wooden walls. They were children's stories, representations of their lives that your two boys had curated. He smiled warmly at the simplicity of their stories, the pure joy and imagination they conveyed.

They reminded Emmett of his own children who had died on the first day of the invasion and his look softened almost instantly.

His thoughts were miles away, lingering on the memories of their soft laughter, beaming smiles, and his heart caught in his throat with a longing so deep, only the silence of their world could contain it.

But things were different on the Island. Life was fragile, but Emmett had learned to be resilient. It's all about adjusting to new situations, and this was one of them.

Reaching for his bearded chin, you made him look at you as, clearly, he was lost in his own thoughts right now.

"Thank you," you signed, grateful for his genuine show of support. "I truly appreciate it."

Emmett met your gaze, his piercing blue eyes radiating strength and resilience, as well as a shared understanding. "You are welcome, Caitlyn," he signed back sincerely. "But don't expect too much from me," he went on to add, his wry smile serving as a reminder that, despite his strong-willed appearance, Emmett still grappled with his own demons and unresolved issues.

"The boys are your responsibility, and I will stay out of your way wherever I can and I expect you to stay out of mine," he continued, his hands swiftly conveying his message, as Caitlyn studied him with equal parts curiosity and suspicion.

His blunt honesty startled her, and she found herself struggling to respond, until eventually, she nodded her assent. "Understood." She knew that he did this merely to protect her and this was enough for her to be grateful to him.

It was a sham they were running for the sake of the procreation program and she had no intention of falling pregnant. Living with Emmett saved her from being abused by other men and offered her a measure of protection which, at least for now, was all that mattered to her.

To be continued...

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[lookingfts]

I love protective Anthony taking care of Kate, but in this relationship, Kate would bristle being another liability in the long list of people that Anthony has to take care of. How does she reciprocate?

“When do you want me to come over next week?”

His schedule was a little different each week, depending on his business meetings or family obligations, and Kate accommodated him as best she could, though he was understanding when a certain day just didn’t work for her.

He made a little noise in his throat, his fingers nervously toying with the ends of her hair. “I don’t need you next week.”

Kate flinched slightly at this tone. It just seemed off, like he was forcing the words out at gunpoint. Something heavy sank in her stomach as she wondered whether this was it. The moment he realized he was tired of her, and tried to let her go gently.

“Um, okay,” she said, attempting to keep her voice level. “Why?”

Anthony frowned, that little dimple popping out between his brows, as if he hadn’t expected her to ask questions. Though he should have known by now that she never simply agreed with him. “I have some family things I need to take care of. That’s all. I’ll see you the week after.”

He was trying to retreat into some space deep inside himself and for some reason, she didn’t want to let him. Kate rested her hand on his jaw, rubbing his cheek with her thumb, feeling him unwind under her touch. “You can talk to me. You know that, right?”

For a flash of a second, Kate thought he might cave. His face softened, a heart-wrenching sort of sadness in his eyes, and then he exhaled and shook it all away. “Not about this.”

Sensing that she wasn’t going to get anywhere tonight, she nodded, brushing a loose lock of hair from his forehead. “Okay.”

-------

She tried to enjoy her week off. Anthony had been taking good care of her; she could afford to spend some time on herself. Get a massage, catch up on sleep and TV, read the books that had been sitting idle on her nightstand. Go for runs and cook and get drinks with friends.

But Anthony lingered persistently on the edges of her awareness. Kate wondered if the other women living this lifestyle worried about their sugar daddies half as much as she seemed to worry about Anthony. Not just whether he was happy with her, but whether he was happy.

Maybe it wasn’t entirely unprecedented to form an attachment of some kind. Especially when the man was as kind and thoughtful and good-hearted as Anthony. She thought they were friends, at the very least, though the lines were all incredibly muddled.

When she hadn’t heard a word from him by Wednesday, she caved, holding her breath as the phone rang. He probably wouldn’t even answer.

Of course he did. It was her. “Hey,” he said, picking up on the fourth ring. “You okay?”

“I’m okay. I’m just checking up on you.”

There was a long silence, and Anthony’s voice sounded a little thick when he finally responded. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I wanted to.” Inhaling deeply, she reminded herself to be brave. To say what she would want to hear. “I don’t know what’s going on this week, but obviously you’re trying to handle it alone and you just…you don’t have to, Anthony. Say the word and I’ll be there.”

Another achingly long silence. Maybe she was pushing too far, maybe she was inserting herself into his life where she didn’t belong. He hadn’t hired her to be his emotional support companion.

“Okay,” he said, sounding a little shaky.

“Okay?”

“Okay.”

“I’ll be there soon,” Kate promised, immediately calling for a car. Anthony would give her money for the ride later, but she hardly cared about that. To her surprise, she felt a little desperate to get to him. Like she couldn’t settle until they were occupying the same space.

The car was mercifully quick, and she was letting herself into his flat twenty minutes later. Kate found him in the living room, sitting on the sofa and staring out into space. He looked drained, dark circles under his eyes and his hair unkempt and his beard less groomed than usual.

He gave her a look she couldn’t describe, except that she felt something deep inside her crack. Without a word, Kate was kicking off her shoes and climbing into his lap, her knees on the cushions and her arms around his neck. Anthony slumped against her, and she felt something wet against her shoulder.

They sat like that for a long time in silence, as Anthony pretended not to be crying and she let him pretend. Occasionally, she would kiss his temple or scrape her nails comfortingly over his scalp, until his heartbeat was synced with hers.

“The anniversary of my dad dying is tomorrow. Seventeen years,” he murmured into the quiet between them. “I hate this week.”

Kate kicked herself for not figuring that out sooner. She was much the same around that time for her father. Not to mention carrying the weight of her family’s grieving on top of her own. “I understand,” she whispered.

Maybe later, she would lay in bed and think about what it meant. That she was so relieved to be there, to lift his burden even a fraction. But that was a panic for later.

For now, she let Anthony slide his arms around her waist and hold her close, content to stay that way all night if it was what he needed.

[queen-haq]

Fic: Never You (Polin) - Part 6

Fandom: Bridgerton (TV show)

Spoilers: S3 released scenes.

Summary: They may have been friends once but his callous words decimated their relationship. Determined not to have anything to do with him, Penelope is ready to move on. But Colin isn’t giving up, not at all. Friends or not, they are connected for life - and he intends to remind her of that.

Excerpt:

“You would hate me for not wanting to court you. You would be that selfish?”

“Of course you would think that.”

“What else is this if not punishment?”

Masterlist (contains links to previous parts and my other stories)

Chapter 6

Dearest Penny,

I hope this letter finds you well.

My journey home was perilous and took far too long. However, I did receive good news upon my arrival. Mother was awake in bed, the worst of her illness having passed recently. It will still take a few weeks but the doctor is confident she will recover fully. I have told her a lot about you. As I predicted, she is excited to meet you. 

I miss you. I remind myself it’s only a matter of time before we can start our new life together, full of adventure and laughter, but it still feels too long.

Once my affairs are settled, I will be traveling to London to see you. I know your Mama will not take kindly to me but I hope to win her over with my intelligence and wit (I’m envisioning the mocking smile on your lips as I write this).  If all else fails, I shall win her approval through jewelry, as you suggested. Hopefully that will alleviate her concerns about an untitled son-in-law.

Love,

Arthur.

Penelope read the letter again, smiling to herself. While she and Arthur could converse for hours, his letters tended to be short and to the point. And though they lacked a writer’s flair, his letters still felt distinctly like him and she appreciated that.

With other men she was shy and tongue-tied, and they were never interested in her anyway, but Arthur Debling had been different. At a dinner gathering in Ayleshire, it was he who had approached her, and once she got over her initial shyness the conversation flowed between them. Perhaps it was because he was a merchant and not a member of nobility, but from the very beginning he treated her with respect and a matter-of-fact stance rarely displayed by others. To him she wasn’t some woman in desperate hunt for a husband or an awkward, shy wallflower to be avoided at all times. She was Penelope Featherington and she was enough.

For the first few weeks there had been no romantic intentions, they simply talked of art and poetry. Over time she came to see he possessed a brilliant scientific mind that he went out of his way to hide. Only when she questioned him did he finally admit he was embarrassed of his intelligence and felt the need to dampen his curious mind from others. That was the first night she started to see him in a different light.

“Penelope!”

The sound of Mama's voice brought Penelope out of her reverie. After hiding the letter, she made her way toward her mother’s chamber in the opposite corner of the hallway. Portia was already dressed for bed and brushing her hair when Penelope entered the room. “Yes, Mama?”

The older woman cast her a quick glance in the mirror. “Lady Violet has invited us for tea tomorrow afternoon.”

Pen paused. Tea at the Bridgertons meant seeing Eloise and perhaps even Colin. “I will be in-”

“And before you come down with a sudden case of illness, I will remind you that personal invitations of this nature have been rare of late. We can not afford to turn down any, let alone the Bridgertons.”

Between the Marina scandal and then Cousin Jack, there were many who no longer wished to associate with the Featheringtons. While that was a relief for Pen, she knew the slow exclusion really hurt Portia even if she did hide the pain behind a mask of angry condescension.

“Yes, Mama. I understand.”

“Good. Now get some sleep, child. I will not have you looking haggard tomorrow.”

Penelope sauntered back to her chamber, her mind still reeling. No doubt Eloise would be present and angry with her. Would she at least pretend to be polite? Pen didn’t know. So far they had mostly avoided each other, except for the ball last week when Eloise had warned her to stay away from Colin.

After entering the chamber, she was busy locking the door when a noise startled her.

“Pen.”

Colin’s throaty growl made her gasp, her body suddenly taut.

Hesitant, she turned around.

It had been two days since she last saw him at the park. And now he was here in her chamber, shamelessly sitting at the edge of her bed. Hair tousled, clothes messy and disheveled, he stared at her intently. His face was unshaven, revealing a stubble growth of a day or two. Instead of taking away from his looks, however, it only emphasized his handsomeness more.  

Her heart started pounding in her chest, both from the anger that flooded through her veins and the knowledge that his hold upon her was still so potent. “How did you get in here?” she asked, keeping her voice steady so he couldn’t sense how much his presence unnerved her.

“I climbed up the tree and through the window.”

As if violating her privacy was a daily occurrence for him.

“You’re so very determined to ruin me, aren’t you?”

“I was careful. No one saw me.”

“Well, that makes it alright then.”

“I didn’t take you as the sarcastic sort, Pen.”

“Add it to the growing list of things you don’t know about me.”

He didn’t respond, his eyes locked with hers.

The silence between them grew more tense by the second while they held still, as if a single movement could ignite a fire that would burn them both.

And then he stood up. “Do you know why I’m here, Pen?”

There was a button missing from his waistcoat, dirt on his breeches, and he had never looked more beautiful than he did at that moment. Her heart flipflopped in her chest. “I don’t care. I simply want you to leave.”

A bitter smile shadowed his lips. “Because it’s that easy for you, isn’t it? You’ve moved on already.”

“Yes.” The strength in her voice surprised even her when all she felt was anxiety twisting up her insides. “It’s time you do the same.”

“Don’t you think I’ve tried? That I’ve been trying?” Anger laced his words, hurt etched onto his face. “You don’t want to have anything to do with me yet I can’t imagine a single moment of my life without you. Why is that, Pen?”

With a slow and deliberate gait, he swaggered forward.

“Why can’t I stop thinking about you? Your voice, your smile, your taunts...” He tapped the side of his temple erratically, eyes heavy with emotion. “Always in my fucking mind, refusing to give me even one moment of peace. You’ve been torturing me!"

With every step that drew him closer, waves of madness surged through her body. She didn’t want to feel like this, like her mind and body were completely out of her control.

“Why is this happening to me, Pen?” His voice cracked. “Why do I feel this way?” He clutched his heart, his long, lean fingers rubbing the spot over his waistcoat repeatedly. “It didn’t used to be like this, I was fine before! But now I think about you leaving me and it’s like I can’t breathe. Like a part of me will be lost forever.”

Her eyes softened. The man standing in front of her wasn’t the one who broke her heart. In his place was her dear friend, the boy she had known her entire life and loved for as long, and he was pleading for her help. “That empty feeling will go away, Colin. I promise.” She took a furtive step toward him. “You’ve only just returned, your life probably feels untethered with everything changing around you. But give it time, let yourself settle in, and things will be better.”

He stopped in his tracks. “Nothing will ever be the same without you.”

“It will, I promise.” She sent him a sad smile. “You will meet someone beautiful and kind, and she will be everything you ever wanted. The true love of your life. And this sadness that you feel right now will become a distant memory.”

A beat of silence followed as he contemplated her words.

Would the agonizing pain that coursed through her at the thought of him with another woman ever lessen? She didn’t know. Maybe with time and distance she would be free of this curse, but for now he was still very much embedded in her soul and the eventual reality of him falling in love made her want to retch.

“Is that what you think will happen for you, Pen? You’ll marry this Arthur and make me a distant memory?”

There was no outward change in him yet she immediately sensed the shift within.

He cocked his eyebrow. “Do you think I will let that happen?”

She stared at him defiantly as he approached her. “You have no say in my life.”

“But I do, Pen.” The glint in his gaze sharpened, making his blue eyes appear even darker. “Because it’s me you’re in love with. It’s me you swore never to forsake.” He came to a stop in front of her, forcing her to look up at him. “I intend to hold you to that.”

Her anger returned. “And I intend to fight you. Because I will not sacrifice my future to appease your selfishness.”

“I know,” he sighed, regret looming over his face. “I should never have asked you to do that. But that’s why I’m here, Pen. I want to make things right between us.”

Her demand to know how died on her lips as soon as he retrieved something out of the pocket of his waistcoat. Stunned, she stood frozen as he held out an emerald ring, one she recognized right away from having seen Lady Violet wear it occasionally. 

“My father gifted this to my mother on their tenth anniversary.” There was reverence in his voice as he spoke. “I think he chose it especially for the colour. It’s remarkable, isn’t it?”

She swallowed, nodding. “Yes, it’s beautiful.”

“This has always been my favourite of mother’s jewelry. I knew one day I would gift it to my wife.”

Her mind went blank.

“And maybe now is that time.” He bent down on one knee in front of her, holding up the ring. “Will you marry me, Penelope Featherington?”

Time stopped.

For so long all she wanted was to be Colin’s wife. In her mind marrying him meant she would finally be happy and fulfilled. He would be the perfect husband, and she would be a member of the happy and loving Bridgerton family at last. All her dreams would finally be realized.

Except she wasn’t happy or even excited. The man she loved was on his knees, proposing to her, and all she could think about was how wrong it all felt. The proposal didn’t come from a place of love. No. Instead it was borne out of fear and a stubborn refusal to grow up. A last resort so he didn’t have to face losing their friendship.

Then there was Arthur. With him she didn’t have to hide, she could be who she truly was and not have to apologize for it. And she could continue to write, whether that be as Lady Whistledown, someone new or even herself, and do so without shame or regret.

Colin may have been her lifelong dream but that didn’t mean she couldn’t have new ones. And with Arthur, the life she wanted was within her grasp. A true possibility rather than simple fantasy.

Immediately she felt a sense of peace, knowing she was doing the right thing for herself.  “I’ve already said this to you before. I’m betrothed to another.”

In one fluid motion he slid the ring back into his pocket before rising to his full height. He had always towered over her but that had never intimidated her before. For the first time she felt a small twinge of fear percolating in her stomach, realizing the stark darkness on his face was also new.

He was quiet, too quiet, stalking her every move with his eyes, slowly pushing forward. A predator enjoying the rituals of the hunt, preparing his prey for the kill. Instinctively she retreated, moving back until the door lodged against her spine. He continued to move in, slowly but ferociously, invading every inch of her space until he was standing directly in front of her. She craned her neck to meet his stare, refusing to bow down.

“Is that a no, Penelope?”

She couldn’t think with him so close but she held strong. "Yes."

“Even though you’re in love with me and not fucking Arthur.” 

Maybe he thought throwing her love back in her face would embarrass her into submission but it had the opposite effect. Infuriated, she stood on her tiptoes to glare up at him. "So what? You think you can use my feelings to manipulate me?" She shook her head no. "I have dreams that matter to me far more than my love for you. And I will not jeopardize my chance to achieve them just for scraps of your attention."

Her words were meant to provoke his temper so he would withdraw. Instead his eyes softened as he hunched lower to look at her, his gaze roaming languidly over her face, a gentleness to them that made her insides dance with anticipation. She trembled when his hands cupped her cheeks while he studied every inch of her features, as if marking her in his memory. And then his thumb gently brushed over her pout, his dark blue eyes following the tremor of her lips, and all she could do was breathe slowly, tentatively, her heart drumming in her chest.

“I used to think you were the sweetest person I knew. Always so kind and agreeable,” he murmured, more to himself than her. “And easily forgotten.”

It hurt. Even though she had always known that that’s how people viewed her, if they bothered to see her at all - but to have him admit it was a different kind of pain. “Then forget me. Leave.”

He didn’t move, his gaze concentrated on her lips, thumb stroking left to right, right to left. “And now I can’t get this impertinent mouth of yours out of my head.”

It came as a shock when she realized Colin was hard, his erection pressed against her body. "You're aroused."

He met her eyes. “I’m aware.”

She swallowed audibly. “Why?”

Irritation surged through him. “You’re here, dressed in a robe with your beautiful hair down, talking to me, arguing with me, breathing around me, and you ask me why I’m aroused?” His hands slid down her body until they were at her waist, fingers curving into her sides as he pressed her tightly against him.

A faint gasp escaped her lips feeling his hardness.

“I want you, Pen,” was his raw, throaty plea. “I can’t stop.”

“Show me.” Her voice was firm, determined. “Show me how much you want me.”

To be contined...

A/N - Thank you for the support on this fic. Hope you're still enjoying it!

[blackbat05]

Welcome to Bucky's

Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Plot: Welcome to Bucky's, where there's good food and an even better listening ear.

Genre: PG-13 (Warnings: Mentions of PTSD)

A/N: Self-indulgent yet again but I needed it. Not much of romance, more of a comfort piece. I still hope you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it on a whim!

The bell rings, signaling a new customer. James Barnes, or Bucky as most of his long-time customers liked to call him exited the kitchen to greet them.

"Hi! Welcome to Bucky's. Take a seat, and I'll be right with you."

The customer, a woman dressed in a navy blue shirt and black pants settles at the corner of the cafe, beside the window overlooking the boardwalk. The cafe was usually empty at this time but it felt as if the woman wanted to make herself invisible with each passing minute as she presses herself further back into the cushion.

Bucky decides to give the woman a couple of minutes before approaching to take her order. Her voice is soft but with a certain hoarseness to it. She orders a salmon rice bowl and jasmine tea and turns her attention back to the waves crashing on the beach.

She's quiet but polite as she smiles when Bucky comes to collect her empty bowl. Bucky wonders what ails this woman who has a forlorn look on her face as she sips the tea. He thinks of how to strike a friendly conversation without overstepping boundaries when-

"I'm sorry, I've been sitting here for too long have I?"

Bucky glances at the apologetic woman. "Not at all. The view is certainly wonderful at this time of the hour. It's why I moved here to set up my cafe."

"It's amazing indeed." She agrees. "What did you do before that?"

Bucky is surprised by the woman starting the conversation. Still, he was curious to know more about her and this was a perfect way to continue. "I served. Got out a couple of years back."

"Thank you for your service. It must not have been easy, the transition." She states as a matter of fact.

In normal circumstances, Bucky would have brushed the person aside. What do they know about serving in the army? They're not the ones having nightmares and having to live with the trauma!

But in this moment, he felt appreciated. The woman clearly had a story of her own that led her to Bucky's.

Without prompting, the woman reveals that although she did not serve in the army, she worked for the community. It was her dream, her everything when she finally achieved her position after years of hard work.

Or so she thought.

As the days went by, the emotional weight of others that she had to carry became too much for her to bear. Her resolved crumbled and from that moment onwards, she spent her waking days walking and living aimlessly. That was six months ago.

"I got a job. I start on Monday." She tells him. It's a library assistant at the local library further down the beach. It may not be the most glamorous job, but it was decent and she was okay with being decent. Better than where she was.

"That's great." Bucky congratulates the woman.

"I guess I'm just scared." She confesses and Bucky finally understands the reason for the worries that she had carried onto her back while walking into the cafe. "I don't want to make the same mistakes again."

Bucky frowns, and the woman finishes the last bit of her tea.

"You can make mistakes."

The woman stares at him blankly.

"You can afford to make mistakes. That's how we learn isn't it?" Bucky clarifies. "And don't hold onto what you did, focus on how you got out of it."

Her lips part as she observes Bucky in amazement.

"Take it from a guy who's fought in too many battles to count. Life's too short to worry about not living up to standards. Be imperfect. Be you."

Bucky stands up and goes behind the counter to retrieve a cookie. He places the bag of cookie into her hands. "For good luck. I believe that you can do it."

"Thank you. I really needed that. I don't know how things will turn out, but I'll try." The woman thanks as she prepares to leave. The door opens and she stops in her tracks midway.

"My name's Y/N. Feel free to drop by the library anytime. You know, so that I can return the favor." She jokes.

"Bucky. Thanks for the offer." He laughs. The woman exits the cafe and heads in the direction of the boardwalk before disappearing from sight.

The back door to the disposal area opens and Sam Wilson walks in, unaware of what had just transpired.

"Hey Buck! Sarah just sent over some scones and they're delicious!" He made himself comfortable behind the counter. "How about you put it on this month's special?" Sam passes Bucky the box. "Though Sarah said that she learnt the recipe from a book. Can't find it anywhere else on the internet. It has to be that book! Darn bakers and their exact measurements."

Bucky smiles to himself, earning a sidelong glance from his best friend.

"What are you smiling at?"

"Nothing."

A book huh? It seems that Bucky would see her much sooner than expected...

[sweet-as-an-angel]

HIIII!!!!‼️‼️‼️‼️🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

I haven’t been on lately, I have some other questions too but genuinely I just want to get this out of the way because I genuinely want him so bad😭😭

So, it was my birthday yesterday and I’m just gonna be honest man, it was not good. I’m twenty now but it just feels weird?? Like I don’t know what’s happening?? I barely even celebrated, I wasn’t given the chance.

So how would Dominic be on his beloved’s birthday?? Would he do anything special?? Throw them a party with gifts?? Just genuinely anything his strange ass would do??

It can be taken as SFW, NSFW, or both!! It doesn’t matter to me🫶🫶

I hope you are doing good and all is well!! :]]

Oh also, would you ever consider writing anything for Hotch from criminal minds?? I’ve had the most INSANE crush on that man for years now, i’m just genuinely curious.

-🦝

Hello there, my Sweet 🦝 Anon ! Happy (late) birthday <3 ! I understand how difficult life can feel when you're thrown from one life stage into another, but I would like you to know this: everyone develops at their own pace. Everybody takes different amounts of time to acclimatise to new situations, so don't feel the need to rush into adulthood and its many daunting expectations ^^.

As for your birthday celebrations, I do hope you'll get the chance to fully indulge in them on your next birthday. But don't feel like you need to wait until then, my Sweet ! Celebrate whenever you want to because every day is a blessing; you don't need an excuse to pull out the festivities to mark the passing of another year, my Dear <3 !

Also, yes, I absolutely WOULD consider writing for Hotch - I have a monster crush on him, too ^^

As for Dominic:

TW: Manipulation, Vague Implication of Suggestive Material, No Pronouns Used For Reader Except 'You'.

♡ You just KNOW Dominic's going to use this special occasion to: a.) make it all about him (and his crippling saviour complex), and b.) spoil you silly.

♡ He organises a surprise party for you. Has a failsafe in case you hate it - to pin the whole affair on Marilyn, accrediting her for this wonderful party - despite inviting an optimal number of guests to keep you within the zone of relative comfort; not too many to lose yourself in, but enough where you can retreat with ease.

♡ At the first sign of discomfort, he's absolutely going to swoop in like the self-perceived hero he is and take you somewhere quiet, somewhere where you can open up to him, thank him for rescuing you from the stuffy atmosphere of the party, etc.

♡ Just stroke his ego, basically.

♡ He knows he needs to buy something inconspicuous enough that you, your family and Marilyn won't feel uncomfortable with him giving such a luxe gift. but it also needs to be extravagant and personal enough that you'll appreciate it.

♡ He'll settle on something the two of you discussed in private - something borderline utilitarian so it doesn't end up a decorative paperweight.

♡ An article of clothing, an ornate lighter, a novel so rare its publication is believed to be a myth; those sorts of things. Items that carry weight - both physical and emotional. But things you could never afford yourself.

♡ Objects that will indebt you to Dominic. Even if your birthday is supposed to be one of the few times of the year where you can receive gifts without feeling the need to repay those who give you them.

♡ Dominic can't extinguish the prickle of his ego swelling as you approach him after everyone's splintered off into their groups, thanking him profusely for your gift before asking him with a soft smile when his birthday is, what he'd like, and...how did he know it was your birthday, anyway?

♡ He smiles.

♡ "I know everything that happens in this neighbourhood," he tells you. A lock of hair slips before your eyes. He tucks it behind your ear. Can't have your saintly view of him obscured now, can he?

♡ "It'd hardly do if I didn't know when my favourite neighbour's birthday was, would it?"

♡ You figured he could've gotten that information from absolutely anyone.

♡ And he'll let you keep believing that fantasy for as long as he needs. Especially since seeing you with your beloved birthday gift fills him with a makeshift warmth that he believes is love.

♡ Dominic has never truly cared for birthdays - both his own and those of others - but for the first time in his life, he can't wait to see what you get for him. What little surprise or favour he can pull from you when it's just the two of you alone.

♡ And trust, he'll do everything in his power to make sure you're more than willing to bend over backwards for his thanks by his next birthday.

Reblog for more content like this! It helps creators like myself tremendously and it is greatly appreciated :-)

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[charles-eclair16]

Reviving Reputations

Chapter {i} Negotiations

Pairing: charles leclerc x actress!reader

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" trouble never looked so good damn fine"

" we really can't afford any more scandals Charles! The tape was bad enough and now this!"

Charles cringed at the mention of tape, he couldn't help it. He nodded his head cheeks getting red from embarrassment. It wasn't nice to be scolded like this in front of the whole team but he deserved it. After all the shit the team went through to keep his name clear from the news surrounding him. He tried he really did- he kept a low profile not wanting anymore attention than he was already given. He stayed away from all his social media as Silvia, his PR manager suggested but nothing seemed to work. Everywhere he went he could always hear whispers and people judging him, his name being taken as if it was filth. He knew he needed to make it right so when Silvia called to inform him about a new plan the team had come up with he was ready to do anything.

" I understand and I'm really sorry about all of this guys. I'm ready to do whatever it takes to make it right" Charles looked at everyone, determination clear in his voice. Silvia gave him a firm nod before standing up in the front and commanding everyone's attention.

"so we- I mean the team thinks that the best way to approach this is to make Charles image clean. If we manage to present him as a good focused man who is leaving this behind and moving forward in his life then it will manage to sway the fans in a little positive way and then we will see how to take it forward" Charles nodded. That seemed like a good plan.

"But how do we do that? We can't just say that he's moving on and is starting fresh! That would bring more backlash than positive feedback!" Ian, a member of the PR team asked what Charles wanted to voice out.

"About that we think Charles needs a nice loving relationship to clear it all out. It would give the fans something new to talk about and being a perfect boyfriend will help his image at this point. Like for example look at Gasly! He always looked like a player but now he's loved as a settled boyfriend!" Charles wanted to argue that it wasn't true that his friend wasn't dating for a public image. He knew how much Pierre liked Kika. Before he could say something he was cut off by Fred.

"Is it really the only option? Who would he even date unless he's seeing someone?" Charles shook his head when Fred looked at him questionably. Charles couldn't say that he didn't want to do this, that he hated the idea of faking his emotions and pretending to be in love with a girl he didn't even know. Fred sighed. And Charles dropped his head not being able to see the look of disappointment on Fred's face.

" We tried to look for other options but this will be the most possible way to achieve what we want in terms of Charles image" several of the team members nodded their head in agreement.

"I'll do it" Charles sighed not wanting the team to be in more trouble than they already were. He was sure they had worked over time these past weeks to keep his name out of trouble. He could do this for the team.

"Very nice! Now that it's settled we can end the meeting here! Charles stays back and others can leave!" chairs scrapped back as people got up and left the meeting room.

"here's a file of your girlfriend Charlie! I'm sure you'll get along fine. She's a lovely girl" he caught the thin file Silvia slid towards him. He looked at her shocked- they even had the girl ready? As if seeing his expression Silvia laughed.

" She's an upcoming actress under our branch in New York. She's managed by my friend and when she asked me a favour I knew that it was our chance to make it right, you know mutual benefit!" Silvia chuckled squeezing his arms.

"Oh okay" Charles smiled and shook his head at Silvia. His hands itched to see the file. So his supposed girlfriend is from New York and an actress, he wondered if he had ever seen her in any of the series he watched during the off season. Silvia left the room with a see you later thrown over her shoulder. Charles took a deep breath trying to calm his beating heart. He didn't know why he felt nervous opening the file. His heart beating as if he was sitting in his car looking at the red lights to take off. He slowly opened the file and let out a breath.

She was beautiful. Her beauty captured his attention and refused to let go of it. He knew he was in trouble but trouble never looked so god damn fine.

"Damn. His smile"

You fidget with your fingers, eyes constantly moving towards the glass door of the small dimly lit coffee shop. It was your fault for coming half an hour before the decided meeting time, heart fluttering from the nervousness of this whole situation.

Lia, your manager had called you yesterday to inform you that the contract was finalized and both parties had to meet to go over it to see if anyone had any problems. The whole idea was of Lia who proposed it during a meeting when the production house of the new movie you were signed to demanded some publicity around your name. She felt it was the most safest and convenient way to put you in the eye of the public without it being a scandal in the negative way and when everyone agreed you had no choice but to accept it. As you say in the coffee shop you wondered if it was really the right choice.

The sound of the doors opening caused you to look up. A smile making its way in your face as you saw Lia frantically waving her hands as she explained something to the red haired women beside her. Lia met your gaze and beelined towards you, the woman following her. You hugged Lia and introduced yourself to Silvia, the pr manager of your would be fake boyfriend.

"sorry about Charles! He was held up because of shooting. He'll be here soon!" Silvia apologized as you all ordered drinks. Lia nodded and you watched as they took out their notebooks and laptop.

" We have already drafted a contract. But there are some things which we needed to go through with both of you guys" Silvia said smiling before the ringing of her phone cut off whatever Lia was going to say. Your heart raced as you heard Silvia confirm your location and to hurry inside.

Your eyes snapped to the door for the second time today. You watched as he opened the doors, his white shirt rolled up to his arms,hands running through his hair as he looked around, you looked down when his head turned towards the way you were sitting, cheeks heating up at the thought of getting caught.

You would be lying if you said you were not familiar with him, when Lia gave you the file. You had known the second you opened the file and had seen his picture staring back at you. Charles Leclerc was a beautiful man and a talented driver. You weren't that much of a fan of Formula 1 having been introduced to the sport by your ex-boyfriend who would belittle you if you expressed a little interest saying it wasn't something you would understand. But it was safe to say that you understood and liked to watch it sometimes.

"Charlie! Come!" Silvia waved her hand and he smiled before making his way. She introduced Lia to him.

"Now! Meet Y/N your girlfriend!" Silvia chuckled as she gestured to you. Lia snorted. Well at least she was having fun. You looked up at him, with him being a few inches taller than you. He laughed as he met your gaze. A chuckle left your lips at the bizarre situation.

" well nice to meet you y/n! I'm Charles" he grinned moving to shake your outstretched hand. You shook your head and before you knew it you all were seated around the table as Silvia and Lia briefed about the contract.

" so the duration is one year from next month as you both know...the whole dating scene would be starting after the Australian gp, before that we need you guys to interact a little through social media maybe a like here and there" Lia pointed to the conditions written conditions as she spoke.

"We need you guys to be a little teasing and not in the face of the public because of Charles's situation at the moment. As we agreed y/n would attend few races and Charles would attend few red carpets as your date we would also like to add little dates and appearance in the public without it being an event...so it could look real apart from this we should probably discuss the pda aspect of the relationship" you nodded. You were warned about it beforehand and Lia was right you cannot fake a relationship and make it believable without PDA.

" we don't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with" charles spoke up looking at you, his smile reassuring. You nodded and soon the briefing of the contract was finalized and the talk moved towards more basic things with Silvia talking about the restaurant she had visited during the Saudi Arabia GP.

" I uh saw your show the maze! It was very interesting!" You looked up at Charles shocked. It was one of your favourite shows that you've done. It was a murder mystery and your character was a total badass.

"oh! Thank you! I really liked the plot of that show! Sorry but uh I didn't watch the last race though!" You added grimacing. You should have watched it to atleast make conversations.

"no problem! Not a fan?" He asked, a teasing smile on his lips. You shrugged.

"No offence taken! We should probably get to know each other if we are going to make it believable though" he smirked raising his eyebrows.

" yeah sure. Lia did suggest to befriend you if I had to make it easy for the both of us!" You teased.

" we could be friends no problem! But I don't know if it will be easy for you because of my uh situation" his voice turned serious as he spoke. You looked at him as he looked at his drink moving his straw around. You knew of his condition and how the fans were treating him having been informed by Lia.

" I'm sure it would be okay" you assured him.

"Oh! We need to go! We'll be late for the flight! Come on Charles!" Silvia's voice caused both of you to look at her. Charles nodded before he slid his phone towards you, keypad visible on the screen.

"so we could get to know each other" he nudged the phone closer towards you. You smiled before putting your number and calling yours so you could have his number.

"Until next time." Silvia hugged you before she walked ahead with Lia, still talking about small details of the contract. You walked beside Charles after them.

You looked at Charles when you all reached the parking lot. Silvia already sitting inside the car after hugging Lia goodbye. Lia nodded at Charles before telling you that she would be waiting in the car.

"so uh see you later?" It came out as a question rather than a greeting not knowing what to say. He chuckled causing you to look at him.

"Talk to you later!" He grinned winking at you. A grin visible on his face you couldn't help but laugh.

"You should go! Silvia is looking at you from the window" you said as he made no move towards the car. Silvia eyes visible from the small gap where she had rolled down the window to look at the both of you. He nodded before walking towards the car. He looked back at you before getting inside the car, sending a smile your way so big that his eyes crinkled at the corners.

The only thought in your mind. Damn his smile.

_________________•••______________

Let me know your thoughts<3

Taglist-

@ietss

[hcuyk]

vae vae 🥹 not me still fangirling over the fact that we’re now mutuals andbdjdh but can i request a timestamp of 2:00AM, where you’ve just had a pretty rough day at work and you come home to sangyeon just pampering and taking care of you and just being the sweetest human being ever 🥺 ily vae 💗

[2:17AM]

Many aspire to have careers outside of their limitations, such as wanting to gain immense popularity or receive an income of seven digits, but your only want is to find a job you truly feel at home. It didn’t matter how many hours you would have to work or what time of day you’d have to show up—you grew up learning to appreciate what you could afford—as long as it made you happy.

You thought you were approaching that accomplishment at your newest job of being a waiter. Everything seemed possible—that you were potentially well-liked and praised, but that figment of your imagination was utterly shattered. From customers lashing out at you to your co-workers talking behind your back and rolling their eyes, all the pressure of you being the worst had built up. During your break, you would stash yourself into the further stall from the bathroom door and cry silently into your hands, your chest heaving as it struggled to understand why you were getting treated this way.

Nothing urged you more than to quit the moment you got home.

Yet somehow, throughout the busiest and most tormenting night of your life, you seemed to have forgotten the presence of your newly wedded husband. The moment you stepped inside your shared small apartment, Sangyeon’s tired state on the couch dissipated the moment he saw you. His slow blinks became rapid ones, forcing himself awake while he rushed over to you and greeted you with a hug.

What he didn’t expect was for his medicine—you—to shrug him off, tears pooling in your eyes as you kicked off your shoes.

“I’m going to quit.”

Your brain wasn’t functioning well enough to consider why Sangyeon was awake this late into the night or that you were heading in the direction of taking out all your frustrations on him. All you could think about was screaming at the world for treating you this way, crying until all the pain was gone, and never being passionate about anything again.

Fortunately for you, the love of your life knew you better than yourself. Despite being slightly startled by your outburst, he brings his hands to your hips, squeezing them in order to ground you.

“Tough shift?”

“More than tough,” you snapped. Your body was fired up with all the anger you’d accumulated over the night, yet you couldn’t find it in you to push Sangyeon away.

“They all looked at me as if I was worthless, Sang-...and I mean, you know…I don’t know-, maybe they’re right, you know? But that doesn’t mean they should-”

“Woah there, tiger,” Sangyeon murmured, cutting you off with the slight tilt of his head. His eyes would search your face, wondering how badly you were treated to be thinking this way. His mood matched yours with concern, the frown on his lips apparent after hearing yourself considering that you could potentially be worthless.

He kissed your forehead to soothe you, allowing you to settle your thoughts as he rubbed circles into your skin.

“How about we get you dressed for bed first, okay? Or a snack? Have you eaten?” The corner of his lips only deepened even further when you shook your head.

“Okay, then we get you something to eat first, then we get ready for bed so I can hold you and you can tell me everything that happened. Or if you don’t want to think about it, we could do something else together? Maybe play a game for a bit or talk about other things that make us happy? It would give me a chance to tell you all the things I love about you as you fall asleep, baby.”

You hated how quick you were to smile at his suggestions, shaking your head at him before hugging him close, wanting to remain as close as possible. Tears streamed down your cheeks as you thought about how grateful you were to have Sangyeon by your side at all times, never failing to comfort you.

“You’re spoiling me,” you mumbled. Your fingers played with the material of his shirt, rubbing it between the pads of your fingers as you sniffled into his neck.

“I love you, but let me finish, you dork.” He kissed the side of your head before continuing. “Then, no matter how late we sleep, I’ll be here with you in the morning to accompany you when you quit.”

Sangyeon reached for your hand, the one with your wedding ring, and interlocked his fingers with yours. He gave it a squeeze before pulling back to get a proper look at you. His other hand then met your cheek, allowing you to relax against his touch and feel the metal band rest on your skin as he made you look up at him.

“Does that sound okay?”

All the hurt and pain in your eyes faded when you gazed into his, unable to help but feel so light with love and reassurance.

“Thank you,” you whispered. His smile made your stomach flutter, like whenever he confesses his undying love for you. He was glad he could be your greatest comfort and distraction, wanting nothing more for the person he cherished most.

“You’re my everything.”

permanent taglist . . . @armysantiny @stealanity @zzoguri @nyujjan @tinisprout @the-kpop-simp @sunwoosberrie

author's note // for my lovely lovely LOVELY ALLY :( nothing makes me fangirl more than ppl fangirling over me? im slightly scared to put this out because im scared i didnt live up to expectations 😭 i hope you forgive me 🙏🙏 BUT ILYSM ALLY and i really hope this timestamp brought you some sense of comfort :(

[petitelepus]

FOX’S WEDDING, PART 1

KITSUNE!RENGUKO KYOJURO X FEM!READER

Summary: Things happen and you end up living in a manga cafe when you are offered a new home and an exciting new housemate. You end up making a contract with the interspecies program and that changes your life forever. Good or bad? Let’s find out.

Warnings: None

A/N: Female Reader, Kitsune Kyojuro, Kitsune Senjuro, Kitsune Rengoku, Monster Musume!AU

PART 1 II PART 2 II PART 3 II PART 4 II PART 5 II PART 6 II PART 7 II PART 8 II PART 9 II PART 10 II PART 11 II PART 12 II PART 13 II PART 14 II PART 15 II PART 16 II PART 17 II PART 18 II PART 19

"You can't stay here anymore."

You blinked as the words settled in. Your roommate and her boyfriend, or rather fiance had asked you to come out of your own room and have a chat with them. You were all sitting on the kitchen table, you on one side and they on the other side.

"W-what?" You stuttered, not believing what you were hearing. Weren't you the one that invited her to live with you in the apartment that the two of you shared until her boyfriend moved in also? "W-why!?"

"We have been talking..." The man looked at your roommate and then you, "That this place isn't big enough for four."

"Are you taking someone in? Without asking from me?" You asked and they nodded. You admit that you got mad, but you calmed down the second you saw your roommate hold her stomach and her fiance set a hand on top of hers.

"Are you guys...?" You swallowed, "Are you having a baby?"

"We wanted to make things work, but there is just no room for all of us." The fiance explained and he sounded sincere as was the frown on his face.

"We assure you, we didn't plan any of this!" Your roommate cried out, but then she looked at her stomach and a kind gentle smile rose to her lips, "But this baby is a blessing and we want to have it."

"Ah..." You blinked before nodding, "I understand... You do what you have to do..."

You really did understand. Babies took a lot of space and time. You couldn't be mad at them for planning their and their baby's future together. There just wasn't any room for you in those plans.

"I'm sorry, but we need space for the baby." Your roommate looked genuinely sorry and her fiance frowned, "Can't you go live with your parents until you find a new place?"

You shook your head. That wasn't possible, you had sworn that you would never return there. Not that you had a bad relationship with your parents, but when you had moved out and made it your goal to live as an independent adult, your father said he was proud of you. Just what kind of a disappointment you would be if you returned home with your tail between your leg? No, you couldn't risk it.

"We will rent a space for your stuff until you find a place to live."

"It's the least we can do."

"I see..." You nodded, "Thank you, I'll try to find a new place to live quickly. When do you need me out?"

The two of them glanced at each other and you frowned. That wasn't a good look. Your friend looked back at you, "I'm sorry, but my parents are coming tomorrow to the city and we would hate to put them in some hotel when they want to get to know their future son-in-law."

So they wanted you out today or tomorrow tops. Your disappointment must have shown because the boyfriend quickly added, "We, no, I will help you with your stuff starting now! I don't want the future mother of my child to worry or exhaust herself."

"Oh babe, you're so sweet." The two of them smiled lovingly at each other before they pecked each other on the lips. You nodded but you weren't feeling as hopeful and positive about the future as they were...

~~~~~

You quickly found out that finding a new place to live proved to be a lot harder when you were seeking one alone. You went to see many apartments but you soon found out that even if the place appeared to be perfect, the rent certainly wasn't for your small and empty wallet.

You couldn't even afford a place to stay at, or not at least one with a decent bed. No, you had to resort to staying in a manga cafe when the day would come to an end and night came. It wasn't the comfiest place, but the reclining chair was your bed now and the tiny cube room where you stayed was your temporary home.

It wasn't that expensive, but your savings were running low, eating pre-heated meals weren't exactly healthy and the worst was that no one wanted to hire a homeless person.

You slurped your cup noodles and sighed as you went through some pages on the computer. You had multiple tabs open, some being about open job offers and others about possible apartments. So far you hadn't gotten even one invite to a job interview...

"Fuck my life..." You groaned as you went to close a website, but then a new ad popped up. Thinking that it was probably spam or some commercial, you moved to close it but then it caught your attention.

'NEED A JOB OR A PLACE TO STAY? WANT TO MEET NEW PEOPLE? CLICK THE LINK IN BIO!'

That sounded almost too good to be true. You were about to close the site when suddenly there was a knock on the door behind you.

"Yes?" You called and the voice replied, "Your coffee miss?"

"Ah, yes, come on in." You said and the door opened and a young waitress came from behind the door with your coffee.

"Here you go- Oh, what's this?" She took a look at the computer screen and you panicked, fearing that she would think that you were using their computers to download something bad or worst, illegal.

"Shit, I didn't click it so there shouldn't be any viruses-!"

"No, I don't mean anything bad. I was just taken aback since my friend's cousin got that same invite. Apparently, it's about this new government's Interspecies Exchange Bill. You know, the people who, excuse my language, are related to fantasy creatures?" She said with a light smile, "They clicked the link and apparently it changed their life for the better!"

You blinked. You had heard of them.

In the past governments used to hide these humanoid species from the world but now for one reason or another, they were now starting to live among you humans. You had seen a few during the last year and while you admit, they were cool, you were never brave enough to befriend one.

You glanced at the ad and then at the young waitress. "Honestly, it sounds too good to be true." You said a little sadly because you knew that luck never favored you.

"You never know if you don't try." She smiled as she handed you your coffee and closed the door behind her. You sipped your bean juice as you took a look at the ad.

You never know if you don't try, huh? Fine, you took the bait.

You clicked the ad and a brand new website popped up, welcoming you for a new beginning, asking for your current information, and backgrounds alongside a recent picture of yourself. Talk about suspicious, this could have been a scam or worse... But on closer inspection, they didn't ask anything that could be actually used against you.

"Fine, I'll bite the bait." You nodded as you started to fill in your information and chose the most recent and decent picture of yourself from your phone. Once you had filled out the whole application you hit SENT and smiled by yourself.

"As if this helps..." You muttered as you took a sip of your lukewarm coffee and that is when you heard a bing from your phone, signaling that you had gotten a e-mail. Okay, now you were confused. You used the computer to log onto your e-mail and saw a new message there dedicated to you. Confused, you clicked the message and saw that you had been selected for an interview!

"Already!?" You gasped. You looked at the message and it appeared to be legit and not just some scam. You looked at the message and there was a phone number you were expected to call if you chose to proceed with the selection progress.

You quickly reached for your phone that was resting on a charger by the computer, and input the number but before you called you took a deep breath. You could do this. If you failed then at least you tried. So you hit the call button and put the phone by your ear.

"Hello?"

~~~~~

You swallowed nervously as you looked at your phone. 10 minutes time. You were on your way to the cafe where the man you had talked with on the phone had instructed you to go if you wanted to learn more about the job or possible home you were looking for.

You had put on your best shirt and pants, a classic combo, and some makeup, but you left the perfume out because the man on the phone had asked you to come without any. You felt beautiful and you didn't look homeless so you were winning so far!

Your phone's GPS peeped, letting you know that you had arrived at your destination. You looked up and blinked.

This was a cat cafe. You looked at the info the man had given and you were right, it was this cat cafe. It was certainly different to have an interview in such a quirky place. Shrugging, you stepped inside and you were greeted by dozens of curious little meows. You couldn't help but smile at the sight of cute kitties that came to greet you.

"Good day, ma'am!" Came a peppy voice and you turned to look and you felt your eyes widen. A real cat girl came to greet you, with a human body but with cat ears and a tail. It was the first time you had seen a demi- or pseudohuman up so close.

"Table for one?" She asked happily, and you actually panicked lightly, "Uh, actually, I'm meeting someone!"

"Oh, you're the new girl?"

New girl? Oh God, please don't let this be some sort of trick to turn you into a prostitute! The panic must have been clear on your face because the cat girl giggled, "Please do not worry. Just leave your shoes here and follow me."

You nodded and did as she told you to, following her into deeper parts of the cafe. You took quick notice that everyone working there were demihumans, but no one seemed to mind. No, they all loved it, asking for pictures with the waiters and waitresses.

"Ah, there you are." Came a man's voice and you turned to look and saw a young wearing a suit and sunglasses even inside the cafe. He must have been the man you had spoken on the phone with. He motioned you to sit down and you did as he asked you to.

"We talked over the phone. My name is Smith and you were...?"

You told him your name and the man smiled as he nodded, "Yes, just as was written in your info."

Just like magic, the man pulled a little stack of papers from thin air and looked at them over, "According to these papers you filled out, you're currently jobless and homeless. Is that correct?"

Ouch, he went right to the sore spots. You nodded, "Yes, sir, but I'm young and eager to work for my salary or home."

"I can see that, you're only 20 and already so mature." He smiled as he put the papers down on the table. "We did a little backup check just in case. A daughter, youngest out of three siblings, graduated and moved on your own with the little savings you had? That must haven't been easy."

You were stunned that they had managed to get so much information with very little you offered to them, but despite your info, the man smiled, "But my, you're clean as a whistle. No drugs or any other suspicious substance, not a single note from the police, not even a traffic ticket. I must say, I'm impressed."

"Thank you, sir."

"In fact, I think we are done here."

Huh? Done so soon? But you barely even talked with each other, didn't he have any questions or anything he wanted to ask from you?

You were so stunned that you nearly missed the paper and pencil he slid to you. You blinked and looked at the paper and then the man, "What is this?"

"This my dear is a contract that you dedicate yourself to the interspecies program. I assure you, we take good care of you as you work for the company. We will provide you with a place to live in, money for food, and everyday life necessities, taken that you will be sharing the house with a member of the non-human liminal species or as called, extra-species."

"Extra-species?" You blinked, "Like the people who work here?"

"Yes," The man in the suit nodded, "This is just one of our many agencies that employes extra-species."

"I see..." You nodded. You had nothing against living with someone else, heck, you lived with your ex-roommate for a year and a half before her boyfriend came into the picture. You bet you could live with someone who was a little different as long as they were kind to you!

You smiled, determination filling you as you grabbed the pencil and wrote your name down, sealing your fate. You looked at the man and smiled, "When can I start?"

"Marvelous, I admire your enthusiasm," He nodded as he took the paper and got up on his feet, you copying him, and he offered his hand to you. "Allow me to be the first one to welcome you aboard the program."

You were honestly so happy, you shook his hand and gave him the most excited smile you could muster, "Thank you for this chance sir, I won't let you down!"

"I trust in that." He nodded and once the two of you pulled your hands back, he reached for his jacket's pocket and pulled out a card that he handed to you. "Meet me at this place tomorrow at 1 pm. You will be housed immediately with your matching new roommate."

"Ah, my stuff, it's all in-!"

"Do not worry, the moving men will fetch your belongings from the storage unit." Mister Smith said and you blinked in surprise, "How did you-?"

"We have our ways to make your and your new housemate's life easier." He smiled as he lowered his sunglasses enough to wink at you playfully. You nodded, a little unsure, but mostly you were ecstatic. You got a new place to live and you would possibly get a new friend out of your soon-to-be housemate! Oh, you wished she was a kind one.

~~~~~

That night you barely caught any sleep in your reclining chair at the manga cafe. You were so excited yet nervous also. So when the time came for you to pick up everything you had in person and time to leave the cafe for good came, you were feeling enthusiastic.

The staff that you had grown familiar with wished you good luck out there and that if you ever needed, they would have little room ready for you instantly. You almost felt a little sad, but your happiness was stronger than your sadness. You put the address on the card that mister Smith had given to you into your phone and followed your GPS to your new home.

The walk was a little longer than you had anticipated but when you turned around the corner you saw a moving truck and people. Curious, you walked over there and took a look at the house. It was a gorgeous two-story house that was surrounded by thick walls, a gate being the only way in, a dark red roof, and big windows.

"I take you like what you see?"

You let out a short scream as you whipped around and saw mister Smith suddenly standing there behind you. The man chuckled and you gasped, "You scared me!"

"My apologies. I can be light on my feet." He nodded, "You seem to like this house."

"Oh, I was on my way to-!" You were saying when your phone peeped and you quickly glanced at it. It was the GPS, letting you know that you had arrived at your destination. You blinked, slightly confused as you turned to look at the man before you.

"Is this...?" You looked and saw familiar moving boxes being carried inside. Your boxes, from your storage unit, filled with your stuff, such as books and stuff you had collected during the years.

"No way...!" You gasped, "Is this...! My new home?"

"That would be correct." Mister Smith nodded before pulling his jacket's sleeve back so he could take a look at the wristwatch he had there. "It's about 1 pm."

"Yes?" You nodded and he grinned, "Meaning that your new housemate should be here any minute now."

Just as he said that a car pulled by the road, but not just any car but a limousine! Mister Smith smiled, "Aah, just in time."

You watched the limousine driver get out and move to open the passenger's door and you watched eyes wide how the most beautiful- No, the most handsome creature stepped out of the vehicle.

A man. He was wearing an expensive and high-ranking men's kimono and Japanese sandals and he had long bright yellow hair with red streaks akin to flames, but what caught your attention were two large pointed fox ears on the top of his head and 5 fluffiest looking thick fox tails behind him.

As you gawked, the man stepped aside and a boy that looked identical to this man stepped out. Only this boy had only 1 tail.

Finally, mister Smith gently put his hand on your shoulder and stepped ahead towards the two males, taking you to greet them with him. As you came closer, the fox men turned to look at you and smiled.

"Mister Smith!" The 5 tailed man shouted and bowed lightly, "It is an honor to meet you again."

"Pleasure is all mine, my lord," Smith said back as he bowed also and then looked at you. "Allow me to introduce you to lord Rengoku Kyojuro and his younger brother Rengoku Senjuro. They are Kitsunes or as you may know them Nine-Tailed Foxes."

You blinked, stunned to silence by the foxes' eyes as they looked at you. Golden eyes with red pupils, they were magical, no, magnificent.

Mister Smith continued, "Their family has ruled Japan's extra-species, or as they are called, Yokai, over centuries. Now, as we humans all around the world are welcoming extra-species to our everyday life, they are here on behalf of Japan's department."

Aah, you understood. They were here to strengthen the bond between countries and learn more from each other, both humans and extra-species alike.

"It is an honor finally meeting you, my dearest Hime." The older Kitsune bowed to you and you blinked as you registered what he had just called you. A Princess? You blushed as you bowed back and introduced yourself.

The Kitsune, Kyojuro smiled widely and you felt your heart skip a beat as you saw that bright smile of his and his intense stare.

"I must say, my bride really is a gorgeous human!" He suddenly shouted and you stared at him as his words slowly sank in. You blinked before blushing furiously, "W- wait, a bride!?"

"Yes, I chose you as my future wife!" Kyojuro nodded, "To strengthen our bond, we are to be married!"

"Wait, hold on, marriage!? Me!? Shouldn't we get to know each other first or-!?" You turned to look at mister Smith who just smiled at you, "Yes, that is why you will be living together, getting to know each other, and teaching each other about your different worlds."

"W- why?" You asked, "Why like this?"

"Lord Kyojuro and young Senjuro come from a very traditional Japanese mansion in the middle of the forest so all this modern life and western architectural is new for them." Mister Smith explained and you blinked as you turned to look at the Japanese men, no, foxes.

"Allow us to thank you for teaching us the modern ways." The blond man said as he and his little brother bowed to you. You panicked slightly, not used to such gestures and suddenly everything you knew about Japan and its culture came to your aid.

"Ah, the honor is mine, dear lord!" You tried your hardest not to stutter and you made sure to show respect to them by bowing back to them. You were nearly startled out of your skin when the older fox laughed, "Truly, my bride is the cutest!"

While you were stunned, mister Smith laughed and pulled out a debit card, and handed it to you. "Please use this card to pay and provide food, clothes, or anything that our royal guests or you might need. Buy something nice also."

"I..." You swallowed nervously, "Thank you?"

"You're welcome," Smith nodded and turned to look at the Kitsunes standing there and looking at the two of you. "Now, let's get you guys settled, how does that sound? The house is already furnished, all you need are your belongings and maybe go out shopping together?"

"Hm, sounds good to me!" Kyojuro turned to look at his younger brother, Senjuro, "What do you say Senjuro? Would you like to go out with out lovely hostess?"

"Yes, but, uh..."

"Yes, what is it, young lord?" Mister Smith asked kindly.

"I would like to see my new room?" The young boy admitted shyly, "This house is so big and modern, I can't help but wonder how it looks from the inside."

"Please, step inside and get to know the place." Mister Smith said with a smile, "I'll make sure everything is handled properly."

"Hm, shall we go?" Kyojuro looked at his brother who nodded little and then at you with those amazing eyes of his. "Are you ready, my Hime?"

"Y- yes!" You flinched but he didn't say anything about it. He only smiled as the three of you walked past the fence and into the house.

The lobby was huge as you stepped inside and filled with moving boxes. Your boxes, you recognized them. You noticed that the foxes took their sandals off and you copied them, taking your shoes off and pushing them aside.

"My, how many boxes!" Kyojuro exclaimed as he looked around and you blushed, "I'm sorry, they are all mine."

"Do not worry for I don't mind!"

You still felt a little awful. You tried to switch the topic, "Let's look around the downstairs, how does that sound?"

"Good idea!"

So the three of you took in the house, the kitchen, and the huge living room you could see from the kitchen. You had always admired such a design since you liked the open space and the chance of being able to see what happened in the living room.

"This place is huge...!" Senjuro awed and you felt yourself smile as you looked at the awestruck look on the boy's face.

Then there was a toilet and bathroom, utility room, alongside some extra rooms, you thought were for storing or extra bedrooms if needed. The three of you made your way upstairs and looked around, stepping into a magnificent room with a balcony connected to it. The room was spacious but otherwise empty, save for a big bed and some basic furniture.

"Oh, wow...!" Young Senjuro gasped and you smiled as you glanced at him, "Would you like to have this room for yourself?"

"C- can I really have a room this big for myself?" He asked as he looked at you uncertainly and you smiled as you glanced at the older fox, "If it is okay with your brother?"

"Hm!" Kyojuro smiled widely, "Yes, this room is perfect for my little brother!"

"Oh, wow...!" Senjuro gasped as he looked around, running up to a huge bed with snow-white bedsheets, "Is this my bed?"

"If you want it to be?" You tilted your head in slight confusion, "What kind of beds did you have back in Japan?"

"We slept on a futon that was rolled out for the night and off for the day," Kyojuro replied and you nodded, feeling a little stupid. Of course, they came from a traditional Japanese home where futons were normal.

"If you want, you can decorate the room any way you want." You added and for the first time you saw Senjuro smile like a sun, "I would love that! Thank you so much!"

"No worries!" You smiled and you turned to look at the older brother, "Shall we keep looking?"

"Yes!" Kyojuro nodded and the two of you stepped outside, letting Senjuro explore his new room by himself. There was another toilet combined with a bathroom and two other rooms that you and the older fox turned to look at. The two rooms were almost identical, only the other one was directly next to Senjuro's room.

You were looking at the one furthest from the young fox's room and you hummed as you looked around.

"This is a nice room." You thought by yourself, but Kyojuro's fox ears twitched as he heard you murmur quietly.

"Then you should take this room!" The Kitsune shouted and you blinked as you turned to look at him, "Wait, don't you want it?"

"My bride's comfort is my number one priority!" Kyojuro smiled and you blushed at that as you averted your gaze from his bashfully, "Are you certain?"

"Yes! This way I can sleep next to my dear brother's room!" He nodded and you glanced at him, admiring his passion and how he cared for his brother.

"You're a good brother, lord Kyojuro." You smiled and he absolutely beamed in happiness, "Please! Call me Kyojuro! As my bride, you are equal to me!"

Again, with that bride thing! Your blush just grew stronger and you couldn't look at him directly.

"Big brother!" Came Senjuro's voice and you and Kyojuro turned around to see Senjuro run up to you two. "Can we go look around the city?"

"What a splendid idea Senjuro!" The older fox beamed happily as he turned to look at you. "What would my bride suggest we do first?"

"M- me?" You stuttered as you thought about what you guys would need. You took a look at the two foxes and an idea popped up. "Well, we could go and look for more comfortable clothes for you two? Also, I bet the fridge is empty so we could buy something to eat."

"Of course! Clothes and food sound like a good idea!" Kyojuro exclaimed happily, "Just as expected from my brilliant bride!"

"I do have a name." You hummed quietly and he nodded, "And what a beautiful name that is!"

This damn Kitsune didn't know what he was doing to you with his constant flattery, but you didn't sense any ill will. He was truly and genuinely kind to you. Something that you weren't used to. The least you could do was to return his kindness.

"Okay, let's head out. I'll let the moving men know where to put my boxes." You said and both foxes smiled as they followed you downstairs while you were letting the human men know where to put your things, the brothers put their sandals on and waited for you by the door.

"Ready, my bride?" Kyojuro asked as you joined them and slipped your shoes on. "Ready as one can be."

And with that, you left your past life and stepped into a new one.

[merakiui]

From a scale from 1-10, how easy do you think it is to divorce the octavinelle trio ? I have a hard time imagining they would let us go so easily 💀

Azul - a solid 7 out of 10. He's civil for most of it, masking all of his feelings behind kind, understanding smiles. He says he understands where you're coming from, but he doesn't. Internally, he's blaming himself for everything, and every day he gets closer and closer to snapping. It's when things start moving into place that he realizes he's going to lose you and suddenly he's no longer so civil. Suddenly Azul doesn't want to compromise. He doesn't want to watch you move out. He doesn't want to let you go, so he won't. But he must be smart and patient and level-headed. He'd be a top suspect if anything happened to you, and he can't risk everything he has in his attempt to keep you forever. Azul is meticulous with his plans, and unfortunately for you he always gets what he wants in the end. He's greedy and you spoiled him with too much love in the early years of your marriage. Do you really think he'd want to let such a good thing slip through his fingers? :)

Jade - 0 out of 10. He agrees to it rather easily. If that's what you wish, he'll work something out so that the divorce is respectful and fair between both parties. Jade is a little too...kind and agreeable. Divorce is an expensive process. He can easily afford it, but you can't. He watches you move your things out of his house. He listens while you mumble about how troublesome this is; he's overheard you phone your friend to voice concern over how you'll have to be really frugal if you want to afford necessities and pay rent in the new place you're settling into. Once everything is all said and done and the two of you are officially separated, you never see Jade again. But he sees you, plenty of times throughout the week. He's good at being agreeable, at assuring you that he only wants what's best for you, at telling you he's only a call away should you ever need anything, at being civil, but then he's also good at stalking, at breaking into your home and leaving no trace, at keeping track of who you meet in a single day, at using all available resources to ensure you're never truly absent from his life. He'll wear you down: physically, emotionally, financially. And when you can't take any more, he'll swoop in like an angel of death to take you away.

Floyd - ??? out of 10. It really depends on his mood. If you tell him you think divorce would be the best option, he might just shrug and go through with it, only changing his mind later on when he realizes he doesn't want to let Shrimpy go or he divorces you and you never know peace again (i.e. he'll likely kidnap you). Or he'll get really angry really quickly and he intimidates you into dropping the subject of divorce.

[that-norse-pagan]

Low Energy and Accessable Deity Work

I've gotten a few DMs now that inspired me to make this post- Thank you All who asked, I love getting post inspiration !

I know not every Norse worshipper (including myself!) does not always have time to put full efforts into their work. I personally am disabled and sometimes I am in and out of hospitals, as well as simply don't have the energy to keep up! Sometimes my altars sit dusty for months.

I want to start by saying Deities are forgiving. While some have seemed frustrated with me before, they always end up settling back into routine with me in time. I tend to start by dusting off and cleaning the altar when I have the time and energy, as well as give an offering and prayer. The short of it is-

Modern Life gets busy. You get Busy. You get sick. They understand. They won't hold it against you or abandon you.

Now for the actual advice! (Sorry for the long intro 😅)

APPS:

I find apps to be incredibly helpful when I don't have the energy to do a full workup to my worship. There are apps that you can draw and read tarot cards from, apps to track moon phases, apps for runes, all of it! Some of my most useful FREE apps I'll list below. (Not Sponsered)

Daff Moon- this app can track the cycles of the moon down to the percentage! It also tracks sun rises and sets, planetary alignment, and other astronomical events! When I can't do my research for moon phases in the coming days or weeks, this app is very helpful.

Runic Formulas- This one is SUPER useful to me personally. I don't always have energy to throw my runes, bones, etc. Not only will it give you runes with deep descriptions, associations, and more, but it's SO helpful when it comes to creating your own bindrunes or studying pre-made binds! It also has an in depth course that teaches beginners about Norse Paganism and different Deities!

Learn Old Norse- Not for everyone of course, but I like to try and pray in the original languages of the culture. It will teach you Grammar, Pronunciation, and more!

Low Movement Days:

Sometimes, pain, sickness, and Disabilities make it hard for people to move. And there's no shame in that!

Prayers in "odd" places- one does not always need to kneel before ab altar or raise their hands or even speak to pray. Sometimes it's easier to lay in your bed, couch, wherever you are, and think of your deities and your prayers to them.

PDFs! Sometimes books aren't accessible to all, but often I've been able to find online versions of most texts and books I adore (Somewhere there is a post with book recommendations), but it's very useful for affordability, restricted movement, etc.

Offerings- not all offerings need to be a huge ritual, I promise. Sometimes it's as simple as setting a new item on the altar. Sometimes it's a small prayer when you think of them. Maybe it's going on a small walk for them. I personally work with Fenrir, and will go on walks offering to let him use my eyes and experience freedom from his chains briefly, or I offer my pain, some food as I eat, etc. I've also simply sat on my bed and meditated. Your practice can change day-to-day, and that's okay!

Travel:

Sometimes we are away from our altars. Whether it's a vacation, a hospital stay, or just a time you're gone from home for ages. You're not required to pack up your whole altar or bring a ton of things with you, it can add more stress than good. Sometimes, all I do is sit in front of the altar, speak that I'm leaving for a while, and promise an offering or altar clean when I get back.

Charms! Sometimes is one so desires, you can enchant a devotional piece of jewelry, a veil, or even a water bottle you carry around (I see you, chaos magic users) to carry around as a symbol to your devotion, and sometimes touching or feeling it or saying a prayer on the go is a lovely way to connect. I wear an Obsidian ring for Fenrir and a Coffin Nail necklace for protection. It's very helpful to have as I travel.

Important Travel- our health and well-being need to come first. I view it in the same light as many Islamic and Muslim religions. One can prioritize themselves when in any danger. Deities will not be important in those situations, and they will absolutely understand.

Mental Blocks/Disabilities:

As someone with Autism, it can be hard to know exactly what to do. I struggle with meditation when I get distracted easily and can even forget about my routine and duties I like to do. ADHD and more forms of Neurodivergence, like depression, can make it extra hard on some folks.

Don't be too hard on yourself. - Its very easy to feel like you're not doing a "good job" or failing promises to your Devotion. Beating yourself up over it (as hard as it is not to), can be extremely difficult. I find it helpful to simply apologize if I feel like it. They'll understand

Base your practice to you! Not everyone has the exact same abilities and not everyone can do certain things! You don't need to be perfect or follow everything you see on the internet. Often it's people showing their best and most dramatic presentations. It doesn't need to be perfect all the time.

You don't have to do everything. Some people struggle to meditate, others with focus on tarot readings or pendulum readings. It's okay to completely opt out if those despite them being common!

Accessibility and Affordability:

Not everyone is able to afford fancy crystals, tarot decks, and to set up entire altars. Some people grow up in houses with other religions and can't practice safely. Paganism isn't always accessible to everyone, but here are safer more accessible ways! Here's a couple:

Tarot Deck replacements- playing cards can make a great replacement for a tarot deck. If anyone wants a tutorial, let me know and I'll post one! You can also make/draw your own and make it comfortable to you, and if anything it's easier to connect more. You can hide them easier by saying it's just drawings. They also make Braille tarot cards for my blind folk. :)

Crystals- They aren't a necessity for your work. I often see people talking about their beautiful altars and crystal collections, but it really isnt needed. Not to mention the prices some shops charge! Sometimes connecting with nature is easier. Rivers rocks for water deities is an example. You can also see what crystals can be found in your area and dig them yourself.

Pendulums: It's easy to make your own! Before I could afford all the "fancy" supplies, I used a ring on a necklace or a necklace with a heavy charm to communicate.

Deity Statues: In religious hoseholds that don't accept you, this can be very unsafe, not to mention expensive! I had to pay 80 US dollars for a Hekate piece once. You don't need expensive statues to worship your Deities, you can print out small pictures if them you are drawn to at home. If you don't have access, some libraries offer free or 10ish cent (a US dime) printing. :)

For my closeted folks, celebrating pagan holidays in private can bring joy. Find foods associated with those holidays and eat them! I've attached a basic wheel if the year above. :)

A Farewell:

I think I've touched on many things in this post, but I'll keep updating it as I think of more things! Also feel free to comment if you want me to add anything to said post.