#and i cant even feel good about getting through the shift bc i have to be back tomorrow. and the day after.

[orcelito]

God, this is fucking crazy

So i only have 3 more classes to take, but it'll cost the same to take 3 classes as 4 classes. So I've been thinking about taking a 4th class just for the hell of it. Something fun and/or easy.

Out of curiosity, I looked up orchestras. I was in it in my first year, but I haven't consistently played since 2016. But I still dream about being in an orchestra again. I *miss it*. So I was like. Well, what if *that* was my 4th class next semester? What If?

I looked it up. This week is the last week they're doing auditions for it. There was only one more spot free after today. And that's *tomorrow evening*.

I haven't really played my violin much in YEARS. I'm so out of practice. But apparently they don't reject anyone outright. Auditions are just for placement. So worst case scenario, I get placed in an orchestra at a lower skill level than I was at my prime. It'd still be an orchestra.

It's crazy short notice, but I don't think I'd forgive myself if I passed it up. Bc I have just one more semester before I graduate. One last opportunity to be in a school orchestra. And if I didn't do this, I'd be left with that What If forever.

So. Crazy short notice, but I have a violin audition tomorrow!!! Hahahaha

[guinevereslancelot]

currently hating and killing myself for leaving work early even tho i literally threw up within a minute of walking in the door when i got home

[cloudd-nyne]

.

[k-hotchoisan]

Congrats on 500 I'm so proud!! I'd love to request number 21from your 'this or that' list, excited to see what you will choose!

21. Get fucked by San in the dance studio or Get fucked by Jongho in the recording studio?

NO BC YOU SAW THE SHIT ABOUT ATEEZ SAYING SAN DANCES SHIRTLESS IN THE DANCE STUDIO?????? I CANT KEEP PRETENDING IM GOd’S STRONGEST SOLDIER COS IM NOT!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭

IT HAS NOT LEFT MY MIND SINCE THEN

No thanks to the sexual tension, you and San obviously do more than just dance in the dance studio.

Genre/Warnings: semi public sex, smut, sweaty sex 🔥, mirror sex, unprotected sex, cream pies, dirty talk

Tag list: @bro-atz @diamond-3 (message me if you wanna be in my taglist!)

K’s500: this or that? Masterlist

You don’t know how you ended up here, in the practice room, but it was probably because San ended up luring you and trapping you here. You knew you should have turned your heel and left the damn room when you found the rumors of him always going shirtless during dance practice were true.

And now he has you on his lap, grinding against his hard-on, your hands feeling every part of skin like a fucking buffet. You’ve almost been dreaming for this. He has his lips locked on yours, his thumb grazing your bottom lip to remind you to hang your jaw open for him. You swear he could eat you whole and you’d just allow it to happen.

San’s gaze lands on the mirror before him and he cracks a smile as he shifts you to have your back agains his chest. Your face flushes at the sight of you in the mirror, spread out, the lights of room only enhancing how wet your cunt looks. San drags his fingers over your hole with two fingers as he tugs your folds open, and the slick only glistens underneath the bright lights.

His voice is melting any common sense you have left in your mind as he mutters right into your ear, “we should take advantage of this mirror, shouldn’t we?”

“What if we get caught?” you ask, albeit breathlessly as you feel his hard erection just pressing against your spine.

“We won’t”, San replies, trailing his hands up to your tits under your shirt as he gives them a squeeze, making you gasp. He’s peppering kisses and bites down your neck as he switches back and forth from lightly pinching your nipples and squeezing your tits, evidently, that was more than enough to turn you into putty in his hands as you sigh, shutting your eyes to just sink into the pleasure.

“Keep your eyes open,” he commands, and your eyes flutter open, if it’s not you noticing the way you’re spreading your legs even wider, it’s the way he’s staring at you through the mirror looking hungry as fuck for you. Your shirt is lifted all the way up over your chest, and you’re practically naked in front of him. You feel so exposed but something about seeing yourself looking so aroused and being touched all over by Choi San only turned you on even more.

“Fuck me, please”, you murmur, loud enough for him to hear. He hears it, that’s definite, but he tilts his head, acting confused.

“Come again, babe? Didn’t hear you.”

You bite your lip.

“I want you to fuck me”, you say, a little louder this time. San continues to feign ignorance. He shakes his head, “still can’t hear you Angel.”

“Fucking hell. I need you to fuck me dumb, Choi fucking San!” You exclaim, tightening your grip on his arm.

That’s only when San has his satisfied smile plastered, before lifting you off his lap, and removing his sweats. You stare at the way his cock emerges from the fabric and swallow hard. As he pumps his cock a couple of times, he pats his lap for you to sit on and you immediately comply.

There you are, back facing his chest again, as you stare at the way he’s fucking his hand through the mirror. He’s doing his best to hold back but you could tell the way his eyes are starting to glaze over from the pleasure.

You hover over his cock and slowly sink yourself in, eyes rolling at how he’s stretching you so fucking good at every inch he pushes in. You gasp when his cockhead presses deep in you, before completely dropping onto him, and a groan escapes San’s lips, his hands adding pressure on your lips.

“You feel so fucking good, babe”, he sighs into your ear, shifting slightly to make sure he’s buried in you to the hilt, and oh god does it feel like fucking heaven.

It’s almost automatic—you lift your hips slightly before dropping down, your hands gripping his thighs. No, it felt too fucking good that you could barely even move yourself. A soft chuckle drifts into your ear.

“Dick too fucking good?” He asks. But obviously he never gives you the chance to answer because he thrusts his hips up, and a broken cry releases from your lips.

“S-San-“ you cry out, but San begins to catch a steady rhythm of fucking you from below.

He reminds you again, “look at the mirror, look at how fucking pretty you look right now, look at how you’re getting ruined by me.” You barely keep your eyes open, and the sight on the mirror was borderline pornographic—his cock being swallowed by your hole as he pulls out again, watching the way you cream on his cock.

“You’re squeezing me darling”, San laughs, even though it’s through a broken moan. You’re starting to sob a little because it feels so fucking good. San strokes your thighs, only for him to hold them open as he ensures his whole length is deep in you every time he fucks into you.

“San, so deep. You’re so fucking deep”, you mutter, slowly losing any ounce of rationality.

“Does it feel good?”

You nod. “More. Break me.”

Something flashes in his eyes for a moment that you don’t catch because he has you lying on the ground with your ass up, and he forces you to look at the mirror as he has his fingers curl around your neck, and his other hand holds your hips before he pushes his cock back into you again.

Your eyes roll back, and another sob escapes you. He doesn’t let you adjust and he rails you from the back. You have no choice but to watch the way he pounds into you from the back in the mirror, the wet slapping sounds even louder this time. You hear his groans that grow higher in octave, and you don’t register the way drool is threatening to slip past the corner of your lips.

“Too much! S-San!” You cry out the moment you feel something funny in your abdomen. He ignores you, only replying with a curt smile before landing his hand on your ass, causing you to jerk forward in surprise, your mouth hanging open.

“Let it go. You know you want to.”

The strange feeling tightens in your stomach the more he hits deep into you, until you completely break and scream his name, squirting all over him, your mind going blank as your body convulses in bliss. San makes sure you ride your orgasm out before he sinks himself deep into you, and warm fluid spurts right into your cunt.

“Fuck. That’s it. Take it all in your cunt, darling”, he grunts, squeezing your ass as he empties himself in you.

There’s a short moment of silence before he pulls out. You slump onto the cold, wooden floor, trying to catch your breath, watching San pull his sweats up again, pocketing his phone and towel. You feel him tugging your shorts up for you and your shirt over your shoulders, and then his arms under you as he carries you, placing a kiss on your temple.

Through hazed eyes, you pout.

“We’re definitely gonna get caught”, which San only replies with a soft laugh.

“It’s practicing—just a different kind.”

[alelathedragon]

Not me going back and hyper analyzing Mr.Puzzles episodes to further ramble about how silly he is and just how well written he is

Just how blind is this man to memes? VERY.

VERY BLIND

Like I said in my last post he looks at the Meme Factory and only sees the Comedy Zone bc: Being Funny is how he suspects SMG4 has fame, hes been watching these guys for who knows how long and while they give epic performances in Arcs there is always one key denominator to SMG4 and that is: he makes people laugh

Mr.Puzzles doesnt get it. And another way we can see that is in the Despicable Mr.Puzzles episode where

Notice Shroomy has a NORMAL dog. This is important!! Because in Mr.Puzzles world, his TV safe space where HIS shows go the way he thinks they should... Shroomy having a normal dog is good! So when Mr.Puzzles gets upset at him and transforms his dog into a meme...

Shroomy doesnt react how Mr.Puzzles would want him too bc currently, the man himself is partaking in a Roll. Blinded by the Roll he is in. Playing the Character of Gru... Just like how SMG4 is himself but shifts just enough to fit the roll of like Dora The Explorer? Puzzles cant micromanage the NPCs reactions so

This isnt Shroomy just being dumb

This is shroomy: reacting how he might in Real Life, his dog is now a meme. Cool!! How nice of Mr.Puzzles to make his dog funny!! Itd be nice to have my old dog back but i wont argue the new dog

Bc Shroomy is a bit of a people pleaser he wouldnt show his true feelings on that and again: in this world memes are good. So while Puzzles thinks hes so evil... Hes actually doing Shroomy a TYPE of favour

So why does he Like Leggy then?? You may ask... Shes a Meme as far as any of us are concerned, its cannon too!! On meme island Meggy gets turned into Leggy and is confirmed as a Meme.

Wouldn't Mr.Puzzles dislike her for being a foreign unfunny meme to him? Nope!

He looks at Leggy as a Creature. Because that is how she acts in front of him, Leggy as a meme is a goomba gremlin that acts like a loyal pet to whom cares for her 'boss'. A silly lil guy

And being a Fresh Made meme, she hasnt hit Mr.Puzzles media radar so chat

He doesnt know.

He just looks at this small gremlin and goes: what an annoying dog lmao time to move on with my life. But then he gets stuck with her and she animols all over the place getting him attached against his will lmao!!

Hes the perfect antagonist for the smg4 universe

A guy who doesnt think memes are funny/does not understand how the fuck they work. Even after the adventure through the meme factory what is the first thing he does upon hitting the stage?

He tells a dad joke.

His audience: he himself: find that to be the only GOOD source of funny so of course he does that and gets power from it temporarily

(like sure he doesnt STOP memes from happening but bro he doesnt know how too/if a meme happens to be funny in his eyes its only bc it relates to something on TV he saw and can compare to his audience likes. He doesn't outright think memes are the bane of existence but he does have a distaste for them and maybe that's because he doesn't understand how HE can use that power meanwhile everyone is using it against him)

And dad jokes are funny lol kill me if u want lol so ofc the camera worked for him.

But the important thing is: he didnt conform to memeage bc bro doesnt get it

And i love that for him

[jooillusion]

y’all im sorry i cant sleep rn bc the thought of this jooyeon x preppy reader 🫣

cw: smoking, mentions of making out, mentions of car sex, and me writing this w my eyelids half open 😻

college!au where jooyeon hangs around the goths and you hang around the rich preppies.

naturally, you’d be attracted to the guys with clean cuts, polos, and the ones that are good at golf. the ones who have the perfect smile and the ones that are always ready to marry.

you wished everything had happened naturally, where you’d be attracted to the guys with clean cuts, polos, and the ones that are good at golf. the ones who have the perfect smile and the ones that are always ready to marry.

but before you stands jooyeon, leaning against the wall of the secluded area that he just found out about now that you told him about it, the cigarette between his fingers intoxicating the air around the both of you. though you’re outside, the air feels stuffy and thick, especially since you just confessed your feelings for him.

he lets it linger, smiling as the three worded phrase replays through his head. you’re unable to look at him, only looking at your fresh shoes that you had bought earlier in the week just for this moment.

“you like me, ay?” he repeats, almost as if he’s mocking you. you’re hesitant to nod you head, a ton of bricks hitting you when you hear jooyeon snicker. “why did you bring me all the way over here just to say that?”

“i just…well…” your mind scrambles for an excuse other than not wanting to be seen by your group of friends that didn’t even know about your little crush. jooyeon taps his foot impatiently, raising an eyebrow along with the cigarette to his black stained lips, puffing in the smoke and blowing it towards your direction. you fan away the smoke, coughing once it hits your nostrils.

you hear jooyeon snort out half of another laugh. “i have rehearsals in a little bit. we could talk about this in my car later yeah?”

naively, you agree to meet him in his car. he hands you a note telling you which car and the lot he’s parked in, along with the message of don’t keep me waiting.

you watch him step on the cigarette and walk off.

you look around before opening the door to jooyeons car, settling in the passenger seat. you try to hide your grimace, the leather of his car seats a little bit torn off and ruined.

“excuse the mess, didn’t expect some preppy to be in my car at this time.” he leans back in his seat, looking over at you. you don’t even notice his sarcasm, way too scared to get comfortable. “so why do you like me again? i thought you had a boyfriend?”

“no i don’t. i just have some close guy friends. you’re just different.”

“different? how so?”

“i’ve just never seen anybody like you before. you sing really well, you play bass really well, your hair is awesome…” jooyeon lets you go on about everything you like about him, nodding his head, his smile growing wider with each praise.

at first he thought you were joking, only trying to hook up with him. he was prepared for the story he had for his friends about how he fucked one of the preppies. but the more you go on, the more jooyeon realizes how cute you were behind that polo and white skirt of yours. he didn’t wanna let you go just yet.

he notices you only looking down at his glovebox, shifting so that he’s sitting up. your mouth zips shut as if it’s on cue, turning your head to look out the window. jooyeon was having none of it, placing his hand on your shoulder to turn you towards him.

“cmon, you say you like me but you’re acting as if you’re scared of me.”

“im not i just…” you trail off, jooyeons hand moving to hold your chin. he strokes it, holding eye contact with you for what felt like an eternity. “i just recall liking you and-“

“do you wanna kiss me?”

you’re nearly choking on your spit at the question. you’re unable to answer, nodding your head and looking from his eyes to his black stained lips. he shakes his head.

“i didn’t hear you.” he spits sternly

you gulp, the faint yes that leaves your lips almost couldn’t be heard. jooyeon lets it slide, a satisfied smile etching onto his lips. he slowly pulls your face towards his, tilting his head.

“don’t worry angel, i don’t bite.” he whispers against your readied lips. “yet.”

YEAHHHH and after your first car encounter with jooyeon, you started meeting him in his car almost everyday after your classes had ended. you two didn’t tie the knot immediately after, but after one too many conversations that led to makeout sessions, you two were officially dating.

gotta mention as well he waited until you were fully ready to show him your body :,(. he confidently calls you beautiful before letting you bounce on his dick in the backseats of his car in the empty school parking lot. his painted fingernails left prints all over your ass, the black lipstick that adorned his lips also leaving marks wherever they touched, even getting on your shirt. afterwards, he’d cover you with his striped sweater and cuddles close to your tired body for however long you wanted, kissing you every now and then on the crown of your head.

your friends aren’t even mad that you’re dating jooyeon and neither were his friends. even though you two are completely opposite, you two fit together perfectly.

[lavenoon]

Kindled Spirits AU

Soulmate AU revamped with a Y/N <3

Basics: Soulmate bonds are 1) not necessarily romantic, 2) not a given and not always between just 2 people, 3) not necessarily reciprocal (rare, but happens) Basically soulmates are bonded via dreams - meeting within dreams, or dreaming of each other’s memories, anything in dreams is fair game Plays a year after the pizzaplex fire and given that I had the idea a good while ago none of the dlc is included in the premise, also bc this is based on an old self insert fic Y/N is extremely audhd because that I refuse to take out

Y/N has spent most of their life assuming they don’t have a soulmate, which is a relief because they’re plagued by nightmares/ stress dreams a lot. They got used to those, and when some other hazy dreams crop up later in life they don’t think much of it.

Then one night they dream of burning. An indoor playground, they stand in the middle of it, filled with hopelessness and self hatred they cant explain (the irony of Sun burning to death). They don’t feel alone though, and though they can’t see anyone else, they know someone else is there. It's both a comfort as well as agonizing, and the care for that other person is evident, despite the whole emotional cocktail. They go through the entire dream incapable of changing anything, and then wake up still feeling hot but also cold and clammy, phantom flames still licking at their skin. All while they cope with the idea that maybe they did have a soulmate, and that is now past tense.

For an entire year they go around thinking they witnessed their soulmate(s?) burning to death via dream, not telling anyone about it but carrying that guilt.

They move, and find a new job - the Pizzaplex is hiring! No one wants to be a security guard anymore after all that weird shit a year ago, so even though Y/N lacks the qualifications, they get hired. Rotating shifts, day (morning/ afternoon) and night. The first time they walk past the daycare, it flashes into flame - but no, that’s just coincidence. It’s the first indoor playground they’ve seen since then, it’s hazy dream memories worsened by guilt, it’s not the same.

Y/N befriends the daycare attendant, and the naptime attendant - they talk to Sun sometimes through the slide, and Moon usually bothers them on their security rounds. They do meet Sun first, after trying to be helpful throwing down some stray ballpit balls down the slide, and a curious Sun crawls up just to get a ball to the face. Y/N feels very bad about that, and given their lack of scripts for how to interact with animatronics, they just fall back on the scripts they already have. Sun doesn't seem to mind, so it's all good! Then one night they shout a belated "Good night!" down the slide, after the lights in the daycare have turned off, and barely avoid falling when suddenly Moon stands behind them, asking them just what they're doing. He makes his dislike of their flashlight promptly known, and then they have a menace of a shadow for their rounds.

That goes on for a couple weeks, until Sun asks them inside of the daycare to address a few concerns they could please relay to management?

And then the perspective is just undeniable. Y/N gets caught in the flashback, seeing it all burn again, and Sun startles them out of it. They don’t tell him. They can’t. But they realize that he’s been forced to work in a direct replica of the place where he burned to (temporary) death.

After that they keep trying to broach the topic of soulmates in general, but Sun and Moon are very much convinced that as animatronics they are not people, and they can’t dream anyway, so how would they have a soulmate? So silly!

Dreams and personhood are very connected in this AU - with dreams linking souls society just assumes that anyone without dreams is not a person. (Is this a societal issue for other humans who don't dream? Sure! People are people and will exclude others for any reason!)

Meanwhile Y/N starts having more dreams - they assume because now they live closer, actually met their soulmates, there’s less of a barrier to only have the super traumatic stuff make it into their dreams. In fact, they are kind of relieved that their usual nightmares are exchanged for extremely mundane “watching kids play in the daycare” or watching themself being bothered by Moon from his POV.

It’s a struggle trying to convince their soulmates that they are in fact people, while wondering if the bond is reciprocated because how would they tell? Sun and Moon can’t dream, there’s no confirmation that Y/N is their soulmate too! Lots of fear of rejection that’s holding them back here

But also some shenanigans at this time, like Y/N knowing that Moon follows them on their routes, and calling him out on it when he tries to stay hidden. He asks how they knew, and they bluntly reply “it came to me in a dream”. Moon laughs, then asks for the truth that they don’t know how to give after he rejects it so easily. They end up deflecting and he goes back to being a menace.

Also Y/N being somewhat anxious once they realize that Sun uses "friend" for many people (whenever they do see him interact with adults, which isn't often) and awkwardly ask for confirmation because oh no what if he's just being polite and they read too much into it? They almost regret it when he proves that Moon isn't the only menace and makes sure they know he considers them their friend after! Moon continues being a cat in his affections, so when Y/N asks him the same he ends up positively surprised, somewhat guilty (due to the secrets he keeps, and the danger he still believes he poses), but mostly ramps up the friendly annoying to the max

And then Y/N ends up impulsively telling Moon. He wants them to be joking - asks them to, even, to take it all back. When they refuse he reacts more in anger and accuses them of deluding themself, suggesting they need medical attention. They get angry then, too, because is he really telling them to go to a doctor after they confess something like this? It ends badly, with Y/N fleeing the scene and then avoiding both Moon and Sun for a good while.

Until Sun requests their presence about a “security issue” in the closed daycare, and Y/N goes even knowing he’ll want to talk. He’s concerned more than angry, but disbelieving all the same. Y/N’s patience is running thin when Sun, desperately, asks them just what they were dreaming about to be so convinced - what made them think they're linked to an animatronic like that? - so they tell him about the fire. They also tell him that they were telling the truth that one time with Moon. Sun (and Moon) get their own flashback, and Y/N ends up frantic, apologizing for bringing it up like that, while the boys are just terrified that

1) Y/N had to see that, experience it via dream

and 2) just what else could they have seen?

Moon in particular is terrified - he approaches them a bit later, asking about other dreams they might’ve had. Even says “they would have been nightmares”. He assumes that Y/N must have witnessed the virus induced murders and has no idea how to assure them that he’s not that, after he reacted in so much anger at their initial confession. His concern doesn’t really lessen, and more shifts upon being told that “I wouldn’t know, all my dreams are nightmares anyway”.

Mostly themed around growing closer after that, and working around “we don’t need to dream of you to know we like you, and we do!” as well as uncovering the past trauma Sun and Moon have gone through (and are going through, still trapped in the same building in a replica of where they burned).

Also Sun and Moon struggling to accept their personhood because if they’re people, then they are traumatized and were (and are being) mistreated for a long time, and that’s also hard to come to terms with. Some thoughts towards animatronic emancipation though I never got that far in the fic, so mostly comfort and slice of life as they work around the little bump in the road of their soulmate bond. Y/N opening up about their own dreams, and why it's so difficult to say they had any nightmares based on Sun and Moon's experience before the literal death experience not just breaking the ice but rather melting it at record speed

Would remain platonic/ ambiguous because it was very important to me that soulmates aren't necessarily romantic, and they all have bigger fish to fry than whether or not they'd like to go on dates - given that that's hardly an option while Sun and Moon cannot leave the Plex. The reassurance and relationship beyond the bond actually is the most important part, with Y/N admitting to both Sun and Moon and also themself that they enjoy having them as soulmates, of course! But they'd be friends with or without those dreams, given that Y/N initially approached them both before they even realized. Which is also a relief, because Sun and Moon do feel bad over not being able to confirm that it's reciprocated - they feel like it is, they want it to be (and isn't that the most important part?)! But they don't know. And that's okay - because they found each other, dreams or not, and they won't lose that <3

This is as much as I have right now, and as much as it'll stay for the time being! Enjoy <3

[bug-bites]

west side apartment, paper plane

tw: brief non-graphic mentions of ghost going thru war stuff and ghost's backstory in the comics (changed a few details because this is fanfic. duh), slight angst (bc yk,, yearning) but sort of fluff if ghost had a dollar for every moment he spent yearning he would have enough money to retire and live a happy life away from the military, also we're pretending british chinese takeout is good, not proofread :P

pairing: simon "ghost" riley x gn!reader (like always can be read as platonic or romantic)

characters: simon "ghost" riley

a/n: i hate how fucking massive the song link is but yk what its fine. but i am back and in a laufey moment!

simon has lived an interesting life, maybe he wouldn’t use interesting. if he could describe it he would probably use words like terrifying, cruel, or for a lack of better terms, shitty. from the moment he was born it seemed like misery and tragedy followed him around like a stray dog, finding its way into every aspect of his existence. his childhood home was always something he wanted to escape, or rather his father was what he wanted to run away from. there were good moments after he kicked the old bastard out, but the ever present threat of tragedy proved that it wouldn’t last. life had been cruel, dealing him possibly the worst hand possible, the only constant being misfortune, that is until you came along.

a temporary living arrangement. thats all it was. rent was a little too much for one person to afford, so you both signed the lease on a crummy, small, mixed-use apartment right in the middle of manchester. it wasn’t much, takeout dinners from the restaurant below and late rent payments were the norm but even with the busted heating, life in that apartment had never felt so warm.

after long shifts at your respective jobs he would come home, plastic bags of takeout in his hands, a sign for you to set a few blankets on the ground before both of you eat ungodly amounts of shrimp fried rice and orange sesame chicken. he could spend hours listening to you speak, nothing made him feel so at home. maybe it was the fact that the food was good and also inexpensive, or maybe it was because he was too exhausted to do anything else, but he loved those long sleepless nights spent sitting on the floor, talking about everything and nothing. simon cant imagine another time in his life when he was genuinely so happy or another time he laughed so hard water came out his nose.

he especially loved opening fortune cookies with you at the end of every meal. sure, he never believed in those fortunes but the idea was always fun to entertain. the sound of the cookie cracking open to expose the slip of paper, revealing what the future had in store for him usually filled him with a childlike curiosity. or at least got a laugh out of him.

“hah, mine says ‘there will be a happy romance for you shortly’. these things really could not be farther from the truth. bet yours is more accurate” you say, popping half of the broken cookie into your mouth “your father loves you and is always with you. remember that.” he reads out loud with a chuckle “oh. that- hm. yeah i take that back”

but the one thing he loved more than opening those silly fortunes with you or the late night dinners was after you both cleaned up the empty takeout boxes, taking the menus and folding them into paper planes. it became a sort of tradition after you got bored and began to mess around with the glossy paper that listed mouthwatering dishes and house specials. he could never get it right, one wing was always too big or his folds were clumsily made and uneven, making them practically incapable of flight but yours were the complete opposite. each crease made was perfect, every intricate pleat skillfully crafted to allow the small paper aircraft to glide through the air with ease. as you tossed your planes off the balcony of your shared flat, the sight of the plane sailing through the air as the sun set always filled the both of you with a sense of nostalgia. and of course you both picked them up and tossed them out because we dont mess w/ littering over here

simon cant help but look back at those simpler times and miss them. he knows from the start it was intended to be temporary, but he’s been through so much chaos and trauma all he just wants a quiet life where he doesnt have to be ghost. he just wants a nice warm home to come back to. it doesnt have to be big, it doesnt have to be expensive, it just has to feel like home. it just has to feel like you. its been so long since the two of you parted ways but as he stares at the last paper airplane that he kept, he cant help but wonder if you feel that way too. as he lies awake in his bed at the military base he’s stationed in, he spends those nights craving that domesticity he had with you. he recalls every memory, every minute detail that made him love that cramped apartment and maybe how he loved you even more.

[raconteur-wanpi]

nice to see meta/effortposting on reiju <3 she did hit me hard as someone who came from an abusive and toxic home life. the sibling dynamics of: here's the family scapegoat who acts as a lightning rod for all negative attention, here's the quiet one who skirts under the radar by toeing the line because- as much as they empathize with the scapegoat despite not being supposed to- if they don't grit their teeth and bear it, they're the one who will end up in that role if they rock the boat, and here are the ones who don't seem to be suffering at all and excell at embodying Our Family's Values- is something i lived growing up. i was mostly the problem kid scapegoat but the roles shifted around musical chairs style

it struck me a lot during whole cake that she really didnt have options, like, as awful as they were to sanji you cant really convince me reiju would have fared any better in his place bc A. that type of family situation WILL ALWAYS have a scapegoat to practice in-group bonding through malicious othering (god forbid there be any bonding rituals with a healthy basis) B. even if she was a partial success on the genetic engineering front she was already playing with a handicap from the get being The Girl One in *that* family. like can you imagine the misogyny flavored abuse and ridicule if she ever wasnt the exact right balance of competent and withdrawn, yknow. and as eyeroll as i think it is in theory to write the girl sibling as the one with the emotions bc of course women are the sensitive empathetic feelings creatures (sarcasm), it speaks to a real dynamic that can occur within the family unit where young girls are implicitly expected & groomed (from within the family and without, bc it's cultural messaging too) to be mature-beyond-their-years emotional mediators, conflict diplomats, & general Vibe micromanagers for the whole household. just one domestic facet of the larger systemic phenomenon of adultification of young girls really

as happens with one piece, the vinsmoke family picture really manages to capture some resonant shit through blunt, broad, story-for-adolescent boys strokes.. like, the survivor's guilt about being the one who got out when you know someone is still there suffering in silence. the weird tense resentful but forgiving bond with the person you survived it all with. the mutual wonder at the rest of you who turned out exactly like your awful guardian and don't outwardly seem to be eaten away at by your collective childhood... is all their hurt (like we have) so deeply repressed for them that it would take an earthshattering shift in worldview that has a one in a million chance of happening to uncover? is it that they were just born wired completely different from us? is it obstinate willful ignorance operating on some protective unconscious level? is it that they were genetically engineered to be impervious emotionless color coded tokusatsu mercenary supersoldiers. etc.

Anyway sorry for rambling at you lol.

Don't apologize this is soooo good! Never apologize for meaningful discussion within Fandom space, that's what I and many others come here for. I agree entirely!

Especially on the point about how Oda handled the trope of "the one woman being the one with emotions", because I do think that, on the one hand it's definitely part of Oda's sexism, and particularly his difficulty with writing villainous women in his story, but on the other hand it does end up, even accidentally, as you said, feeling like a narrative on the emotional labor expected from women and specifically the misogyny of the Vinsmoke family, which is dominated by the violence of men. It is super intriguing to me how her narrative kinda both exhibits sexist tropes while also having an underlying feminist tone to it as well.

One Piece unfortunately does this a lot, and I do think it is the result of Oda being ideologically feminist while also being practically sexist. It's a very common attitude unfortunately, and if OP wasn't as well written as it is, I would have less patience for it, but hopefully I find myself able to look at the silver lining of it all. Oda does this a lot with his queer characters as well; OP is an unapologetically, openly and obviously pro-queer narrative in every sense, and you're meant to love its queer characters as the audience, but that doesn't stop many of them from being very out-of-touch and sometimes even mean-spirited stereotypes at the same time. Either way, I try to look at the positives, and at the end of it all, these are indeed extremely interesting, humanized, and well written characters.

On the narrative of abuse, I'm not someone who can speak on it since I'm lucky enough to not have experienced it, but both from your message and from what I've seen other people say, I can definitely see how even in its exaggerated cartooniness, many people have found the depiction of it within the Vinsmokes (and the Charlottes) very familiar or relatable.

I think her situation hits even harder when you remember that the whole "she was also supposed to be born emotionless" thing was a mistranslation; she's not a "partial" sucess, all the modifications she had were successful! There was never an attempt to remove her compassion etcetera, since it's implied her father tried that for the first time ever on the quadruplets. In other words, it's implied her family fully knows she has emotions, since she never had that operation done to her, the cold-heartedness and all that other stuff is not technically expected of her. But it is still demanded. That's the horrible part, isn't it? She's expected to artificially emulate her brothers, when that's not something that was even initially asked or expected from her.

Reiju is a character that's extremely relatable to me in a lot of other ways. The high expectations put upon her, her practiced emotional constipation, her... complicated relationshp with her stubborn reactionary stemlord ex-military father (what is projection), her trying to fit the role of the "responsible perfect model child" etc etc. The whole situation feels viscerally realistic despite being in a silly shonen manga. I desperately hope we get to see her again.

[abrieenthusiast]

okay there are a lot of things that im excited for in season 3 of heartstopper for both film brain reasons and fandom reasons so lets just get to it:

in a recent interview with jenny and joe, joe mentioned how he and georgina (who plays jane) got to improvise their argument scenes and i quote: "if you can’t hear us speaking, we’re just saying the most horrible and rude things to each other that could never be in Heartstopper" so that means in my mind that a lot of scene such as the this winter argument are going to be either under the same general umbrella OR a completely different interpretation of the argument in the book which im psyched for

just the casting of so. many. family members. for episode 5

if theyre gonna do the split perspectives like the journal entries in episode 4! i can def get how that could be difficult but with the talk from alice about how special 4 is, i think it might be cool to see an unseen format for this particular section of the story

how they handle elle being at a different school after finally getting into a relationship with tao

WHATS THE VIBE GONNA BE AT NICKS BIRTHDAY cuz we know what happens after so are we gonna see that tension leading up or not? especially since we have other characters in the mix now

how will they tie the jack maddox minicomic to the seasons plot? i think its happening in episode 7 or 6 by my guess but either way we will SEE!

back to the topic of the journal entries, since the timeline goes "episode 4 nicks pov/charlies, episdoe 5 no main pov, episode 6 charlies pov w therapy and all that", will they shift around events or move where the voiceover happens specifically?

not even a question I AM SO HYPED FOR THE CHANGE IN CAMERA DIRECTION THANKS TO ANDY NEWBURY ill make another post about this but in a phrase i mean his choice of focusing on the performances through simplistic shots

just andy newburys direction in general! i think it was a good call to bring in someone with more knowledge on directing more serious stuff such as season 3, and you can tell the tone shift is done really well!

how theyll handle issac and james' relationship now that the ship has sailed! will they stay friends, will it be awkward?

new! animation! things! i say this bc last season they got more confident by doing new animation tactics that werent straight from the comics, so im interested in what theyll try out this time

just seeing nick and charlie as a fully realized couple, theyve gotten past the being out in public now, so although they are still changing as characters, the relationship doesnt feel as "new" anymore (that is ofc before they start boinking"

where are the f bombs going to be? like which ones are they choosing bc they cant have too many so they have to pick and choose wisely

tao becoming a film bro because that is very personal for me specifically

im sure ill add more but this is what we've got so far FJLKDSLD

[pencileraser1]

pencil eraser one. you word your long posts about dps very well so im pointing my frustration with media-ly illiterate people in your direction. im constantly seething with rage at this podcast episode i listened to a very long time ago abt dps bc they said neils suicide was STUPID and OVERDRAMATIC. and i just. i wanna throw up that boy killed himself and ur calling himnoverdramatic what do i even do. i am high a little and this is very much affecting me i cant get up from this couch 🎀

you're completely correct for this i actually have a few thoughts about this so uh bear with me for a second

theres something that sucks so much about this specific type of criticism of this movie in particular to me because of how much i relate to neil. i watched dps for the first time when i was 17, severely depressed and borderline suicidal and i related So Much to him. i didn't write off his suicide or criticize it because i'd Been There.

generally i feel like this criticism probably stems from lack of understanding Why he would do what he did, and there's a number of reasons that that this could be although that would be leaning a bit too much into psychoanalysis and assuming things i don't know about them so i'm not going to go into it really

up until it happens, neil seems like he's doing mostly okay, and particularly if you haven't seen the movie before i could see how to certain people his suicide might seem overdramatic since it's a bit of a sudden shift from mostly okay to suicidal. but the thing is that up until this point, neil has just been doing a very good job at hiding that something is wrong.

my interpretation of the movie has always been that he'd struggled with some form of depression as well as dealing with some amount of suicidal ideation before the movie and had just generally been good at masking it. during the events of the movie he is the happiest he has ever been because of the combination of the poets, acting, and keating. so when at the end of the play his father suddenly takes away all three, and his options are either to confront his father (something that he feels is impossible to do- even if it technically isn't, the fear he has surrounding it of his father listening but not caring, or making things worse than the are, or anything else, prevents him from doing it) or suffer through 10 years of medical school away from anything he actually cares about, he decides to remove himself from the situation entirely instead.

(theres something about the way his suicide is framed within the movie where in some fucked up way his suicide more than anything else is his carpe diem. he's seizing control of his life in the only way he is physically capable of anymore)

neil's suicide isn't rational but that doesn't mean it doesn't make sense or that he's overdramatic. just because logically waiting out the 10 years until he's away from his dad or leaving as soon as he graduates high school or turns 18 or whatever it is is a better option doesn't mean that 1. he'd have the idea to run away early or more importantly think it doable (he tries so hard to not directly disobey his father the whole movie and after doing it one time is now stuck in This situation, additionally, while this is the 50's and in general shit costed less/jobs were easier to get/etc. he is financially dependent on his father and running away without any support is not the smartest decision) and 2. that he'd be physically capable of enduring the 10 years. because 10 years is a long time Especially if it's 10 years studying to become a doctor, something that is both generally difficult and also something he Doesn't Want To Do. and so the sudden switch from happiest time of his life to suicidal throws people off and they don't understand why he wouldn't have done any of the other options that they thing are the logical ones but to him probably didn't seem physically possible.

[strwbrrykthv]

hi in ur inbox bc im the one that wrote that beside you fic with katsuki and like 🫧🫧 i love 5sos and i wanna write more fics w/ their songs but idk where to start, do you have any ideas? 😭🤍🤍

HIHIHI!! OMG!!!! YES! music is my first love. i love taking a song and making a moment😣😣

i love some 5sos angst tbh so please feel free to add onto these and run with them or use them for inspiration all you want! im not good at writing actual fics with dialog lol. im going to link the songs from spotify!

some of these i have actually thought about before so they’re a little more detailed than others.

so i think some good 5sos songs that go with katsuki would be:

blender: relatively fresh from the big fight. hes got his issues hes having to work through such as going to rehabilitative therapy, realizing what exactly happened out there in the fight, and just dealing with the aftermath of what happened to izuku. it puts a strain on his relationship with you. he’s definitely not the person he was before the fight and thats not totally a bad thing, but he has to get used to not feeling unbeatable anymore. he hates how (he thinks) you look at him, like he’s this fragile thing that cant take of himself. you get into petty arguments all the time right after the war because of this shift in mentality, but no matter how bad of fight you two have you’re the one thing thats constant in his life right now and the one thing that didn’t drastically change after the war.

no shame: both mid 20s pro heros. you don’t want a serious relationship, but you do want katsuki. he doesn’t care because he’s honest been in love with you for years. he will do anything he has to to be able to bring you back to his apartment after the hero gala. you want a no strings attached attached physical relationship, you've told him that plenty of times and every time he says he understands. when you first get together he worries you regret it, but you don’t you want more from him, but you also don’t feel tied down to him and flirt and go home with hawks one night. he feels replaced and has absolutely no shame in showing you how he truly feels to be able to bring you back to him and only him.

want you back: katsuki doesn’t mellow out after the war and you both become pros. if anything, the trauma from the war increases his outbursts and his anger. he doesn’t realize how far he has pushed you away until you’re refusing to come inside his apartment building after an outing with mutual friends. he’d been drinking a little more and more each hangout and people were starting to notice that he was a bit of an angry drunk, starting petty fights and just being rude. you can’t take his insults anymore either. you tell him he has actually changed since high school, he’s gotten worse. you call it quits there, standing outside his apartment building in the rain and he doesn’t say a single word to you as word vomit these feelings you’ve had for at least a month. he stands there for 20 minutes after you leave before he goes inside. you never contact him again. kirishima gets your belongings from his apartment, but doesn’t share any info about you to katsuki. he sleeps maybe a total of 8 hours a week, staying up thinking about all the good parts of your relationship and he realizes they started to become rare in the past year all because of him. years later after this he’s been to therapy. he tells everyone he’s moved on even though w never had anything serious since you. he sees you at a hero gala and you do have a date with you, but that doesn’t stop him from approaching you and asking for a minute to talk. seeing you in person floods his mind with memories and he can finally pin point all the moments you had mentioned that night. he apologizes down a hallway at the gala begging for your forgiveness, he’s changed and he wants to show you that.

lie to me: similar to want you back, you realize katsuki is not giving you what you deserve anymore and no matter how much you love him you cannot let your self worth be destroyed by him. the break up is “mutual” but it’s definitely tense on all areas because honestly neither one of you wanted to break up, but you felt you had no choice. about 3 years later, there’s a UA reunion at a bar. he doesn’t want to go because obviously you will be there. you blocked him on all socials and your mutual friends never gave details. he knew you had a new boyfriend, but he can’t be mad when he’s got a new girlfriend too. what he doesn’t expect is to walk in and see you with mirio, the current number 1 hero. he feels embarrassed because he thinks that is a huge upgrade from him and he honestly knows you deserve someone that him that would treat you better. he orders drinks for him and his date, a random girl that works in his office that reminded him of you even you first got together, and labs back against the bar to look at the entire class back together. you both lock eyes for a second before you break eye contact first to go back to talking to mirio and todoroki. he is instantly taken back to the times you shared together as young adults. after the eye contact you peak over to his date and see that she is absolutely gorgeous and think about how he treats her behind closed doors. at the end of the night you and mirio say your goodbyes and right before leaving you make short eye contact with him again. this time, katsuki is the one who can’t help but think about the way mirio treats you behind closed doors. katsuki and his date finally go home later that night and as he’s getting ready for bed he gets the urge to text you. he doesn’t know if it will go through or if you even have his number saved anymore but it’s worth a shot. all he texts is “do you love me?” and imagine his surprise when the message says delivered. also imagine his surprise when he gets a text back saying “yes”.

i hope this helps you! everything just started getting longer and longer so i had to stop lol. lmk if you want a pt. 2 with their older songs or less angst!

[akihikoswifey]

☥🪓 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪ In This Darkness | Shinjiro Aragaki x Reader

summary: after 10/4 events Shinjiro is badly wounded, in which you have to look after him, but one thing leads to another.

cw: mentions of violence, blood and wounds, dry humping

a/n: i’ve been wanting to write smthn a lil angsty for him for soooo long but still kinda smutty (take that with a pinch of salt bc u hoes are getting edged) so here it is! Might make a part 2 :p

˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♱ʚ♡ɞ♱˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚ ˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♱ʚ♡ɞ♱˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚ ˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♱ʚ♡ɞ♱˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚

Shinji winced as you laid him down on his bed gently, the green moonlight from the window illuminated his face whilst he was still covered in his own blood. There was no way that he would be able to sleep peacefully tonight with all the memories that were swirling around inside his head. You tried your best not to look at his wounds too much but they still haunted your thoughts. It had been almost two years now you’ve been friends, you noticed he was different, softer, more gentle with you. Although, Shinjiro subtly took care of everyone in the dorm, apart from himself which was something you had picked up on after spending so many hours together gardening or cooking. But now, he was laying beneath you bleeding.

“You just gonna keep starin’ at me or-“ He chuckled weakly before wincing again, “Sorry!” You quickly snapped out of thought, getting out some antiseptic for his wounds. “Do you mind?” You questioned, gesturing to his sweater. “Oh, right.” He muttered, as you began to help him remove his iconic turtleneck. His shirt unveiled his broad but toned shoulders, the rest of his torso perfectly sculpted with a small amount of muscle. He was a big guy, but in the best ways possible. Clearly, Tartarus had been doing him some good. You continued to carefully disinfect his wounds whilst he flinched slightly everytime you touched them. “Hey,” Shinji’s eyes looked up at you, a sense of vulnerability behind them. “Lie down, it’ll be easier on your body.” You could tell he wasn't used to being treated with care, and although it was comforting you didn't want to hurt him any more than necessary. “Okay…” He mumbled, not sounding fully convinced, while lying back against his pillow. You sat down by his side, careful not to press on his wound, and placed an arm on his chest, steadying yourself. The contact making your heart race. You tried to focus back on the original task at hand, and began cleaning up his injuries again. You were about to move your hand towards a particularly nasty cut on his stomach, when he grabbed it. The feeling of his cold hands made yours warm up. “No need, I can do it myself.” He shook his head, you let out a chuckle, knowing that he probably wouldn’t get very far without your help if he was even going to try. “You can’t keep tryna’ reject help Shinji,” Your voice became serious, “you’ve been through a lot of shit today. Just let someone take care of you.” He sighed softly, letting go of your hand. You moved your hand away and resumed tending to his injuries, relieved to see that his wounds weren't bleeding anymore, although they would still need to be checked over in the morning. “Thanks.” He said quietly. Your gaze met his, before darting away once more. “Anytime.” Your voice was quiet, hoping he would take that offer seriously. You were glad that he at least trusted you enough to somewhat let his guard down around you compared to how quickly he would reject Mitsuru or Akihiko.

“How are you feeling?” Your voice broke the silence, shifting slightly under the weight of his stare, “Could be worse.” He responded. “I cant believe those Strega assholes would go that far…”You remarked, he hummed in response, “Yeah.. They’re pretty fuckin’ evil, aren't they?” You smiled lightly, “Only the one that struts around with the revolver, seriously who does that guy think he is?” He rolled his eyes at you playfully. You turned your attention to his chest, “I'm surprised you aren't more worried about yourself…I mean you've been hurt a lot.” You commented, glancing up briefly to see if he was offended, but he didn't look upset at all. “It’s fine, I can handle myself just fine.” He assured you firmly, “It’s just a couple of wounds.” You stared into his eyes, trying to make sense of his dismissal, Shinjiro’s self-destructive habits had become more and more evident since he came back to the dorm.“Just a couple of wounds’ Shinji? You could have died!” He frowned at your words, “So what? It's not like I haven't taken worse hits before. You know I can easily protect myself.” Dismissing your concern again. “That doesn't make it okay! You could have gotten killed, do you not realise how reckless you sound!?” The tone you were using caught his attention again and he glanced up, his eyes narrowing slightly as he took in your expression. Before he could even say anything further you interrupted him, moving closer to him. “I don't care what you say, but the tough guy act isn’t gonna keep you alive much longer.” He huffed, not knowing how to respond to concern unless it was from Akihiko, unfortunately he couldn’t call you a muscle-fueled moron and go on with his day. You let out a soft sigh as the tension in the air became thick, awkward and strained. You weren't sure exactly what to make of this Shinjiro compared to the one from three years ago. You already knew that he was a rather stoic guy, but there was always this hidden pain within the steeliness of his personality. “Shinji,” You whispered, placing your hand on top of his, he flinched at your touch before relaxing slightly, “Promise me you’ll be careful. Please stop putting yourself in these situations where you might not come out alive.” He stared at you for another moment before speaking, the words coming slow and cautious. “I can’t promise anything.” He spoke, carefully releasing your hand, his eyes looked up sadly into yours, the guilt emanating off him strong. “But I'll try my hardest, for you and Aki.” You nodded, satisfied. “Thank you.” Shinji looked away once more, and you watched him intently, forgetting how close you was sitting next to him. The proximity was becoming unbearable. His bronze eyes met yours again, erupting butterflies in your stomach. A shiver ran down your spine, you felt like you couldn’t breathe. You opened your mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Words failed you. You wanted to kiss him, wanted to kiss his pain away. You wanted to hold him and comfort him until he fell asleep, wanting to feel him in your arms. But you couldn’t. Not now, maybe never. Perhaps that would be better. You wanted to leave, to leave now before the emotions you felt became too much for you. But he was too close, it wouldn’t work anyway.

“You alright?” His voice sounded confused, worried. You snapped out of your trance, realising that you had been staring at him for several seconds, completely transfixed. You pulled back slightly, clearing your throat as you did so. “Yup, sorry, I was just thinking.” You mumbled, forcing a smile onto your lips. “Thinking?” He asked, cocking his head to the side slightly. “Uh huh.” You replied, looking anywhere but at him. You could hear his breathing hitch, obviously he was struggling to contain his emotions at the moment. Shinji knew you weren’t telling him something. “About?” He pressed further with that smooth raspy voice of his, almost daring you to answer. You swallowed hard, “Nothing important,” you whispered, “Just…a lot happened today.” You admitted, trying not to let his eyes pierce straight through your soul. “Hey, I’m fine now.” He replied. “It really isn’t.” You muttered under your breath. He didn’t reply to your comment this time, instead opting to stare at you. Your eyes locked, as the both of you sat in silence. The air between you becoming thicker each passing minute. “I- We cant lose you Shinjiro” You finally breathed out, breaking the eye contact and focusing your gaze on the ground. He called your name, his voice was soft, gentle, almost tender. “I’m alive right now, and that’s all that matters” His voice was soft, barely above a whisper. Your heart melted at his words, resisting the urge to lean forward and brush your lips against his. Instead you remained silent, allowing his words to wash over you, as you both gazed into each others eyes, waiting for the other to break the tension. Neither of you willing to make the first move, neither able to look away.

A knock on the door suddenly interrupted the silence that had fallen upon the two of you. “Can I come in?” Akihiko shouted from outside, startling the pair of you. “Gimme’ a minute!” He shouted back. You shot a quick glance at him, before standing up. “I should probably go check up on the rest now…see how they’re doing.” You said as you turned around to begin making your way towards the door, only for his hand to grab your wrist gently, stopping you in your tracks. You turned back to look at him. “Wait.” He said, holding your wrist tightly in his hand. You furrowed your eyebrows at him in confusion. “Can you come back when Aki

leaves?” Shinji asked, his grip tightening ever so slightly. His tone of voice caused you to pause momentarily. “Yes, of course.” You replied after a few moments. He smiled faintly, “Good.” Your gaze wandered toward your hand, still grasped by his, and you began to pull it away slowly. He released you immediately, stepping away as well, averting his eyes from yours. “Thanks again, for helping me and….stuff.” He trailed off, smiling faintly. “No worries, Shinji.” You smiled, taking an extra second to soak in the sight of his handsome face in the green moonlight. You swiftly exited the room, quickly greeting Akihiko, “What was that about?” He questioned you with a raised brow, watching you closely. You shrugged sheepishly, “Nothing, just helped him with his wounds, that’s all...” Turning to continue walking. Akihiko gave you a concerned look, obviously sensing something else, “Is everything alright?” He pressed. “Yeah, yeah, I’m just tired, and stressed out, y’know.” You responded vaguely, practically feeling his piercing gaze burning holes into your head- but he seems to accept your answer anyway. “Thanks for looking out for him, seriously.”

“Of course, Shinji's not alone.” You smiled at him reassuringly, and finally left him alone with Shinjiro, deciding to return to your room to freshen up.

About a while had passed, the green moonlight returned to its original shade, the night breeze cooling your heated skin as you walked down the hallway creeping downstairs to boys floor. The conversation you had with Shinjiro earlier replayed in your mind. The thought of him want to seeing you again made your cheeks flush with heat. Said thoughts were quickly interrupted by ur phone chiming, ‘you coming or nah?’ a notification from Shinji lit up your screen. ‘i’m literally outside lol’ You typed back, a small smile gracing your lips. Approaching his door you lightly tapped on it making sure no one else in the dorm could hear before pushing the door open and stepping inside. “Hey,” You said quietly, closing the door behind you and making your way over to his bed. Shinji had taken off his beanie letting his brunette hair lay above his shoulders. He glanced down at you, a small smile appearing on his face as his eyes trailed over your figure. “Hey.”

“How are you feeling?” you asked, sitting down on his bed across from him, closer this time. His brown eyes bored into you, biting his pink lips slightly. “M' Fine, just need these wounds to heal.” You nodded, time heals all wounds after all. “So,” You shifted closer to him, “Why did you ask to me to come back here?” Asking out of pure curiosity- not desperation. “Because…” Shinji trailed off, a deep blush covering his face, his eyes looking anywhere but at you. “Cause?” You prompted. “I wanted to thank you…for what you did.” He managed to choke out. You stared back at him, a small smile crossing your lips. “Shinji..” You leaned forward, placing your hand gently on his cheek, leaning towards him so you could see his face better, shocked at how cold his cheek was. Your thumb running along the edge of his jawline as you leant in even closer. “I want to be here for you,” You whispered into his ear, his eyes darting nervously in between yours. “I don’t want you to hurt anymore.” You continued, brushing your lips against his cheek gently. His body tenseed under your touch, head snapping up to meet your gaze. “Don’t say things like that.” You could hear the strain in his voice, his eyes scanning your face carefully. “Why shouldn’t I?” Your voice was quiet, barely audible. “You don’t know what you’re getting into.” He breathed, leaning forward yet again, his lips mere inches away from yours. Practically feeling his breath tickling your face, causing goosebumps to form on your exposed arms. You felt yourself getting more and more nervous as his lips inched closer to yours. “Dont try shut me out” You urged softly, pressing your lips against his. Your hand reached for the back of his neck, tangling your fingers into his short locks of dark brown hair. You pulled away from his lips, pulling back to look into those eyes. “Shinji…” You whispered softly, tracing patterns on his cheekbones with your thumb. His eyes darted from your eyes to your lips repeatedly, clearly overwhelmed by the fact that you kissed him. “Tell me why you have to leave." Searching his eyes for an answer. "Its not fair.” You muttered, bringing your lips back to his, kissing im once again, letting out a content sigh as he wrapped his arm around your waist pulling you closer to him. His hair became tangled in your fingers, whilst you tugged slightly on the strands, eliciting a low groan from deep within his throat. He pulled you impossibly closer to him, his body pressing against yours completely. His hand soothed under your shirt, caressing your skin tenderly. Your legs moved to wrap around his hips, as one of his hands cupped your breast. You moaned into his mouth whilst grinded himself against you. Your eyes fluttered closed, lost in pleasure, as his cold hands continued to roam underneath your shirt, massaging your breasts. You arched your back against him, giving him better access to your sensitive flesh. Your fingers dug into his muscles, trying to cope with all the stimulation, but when you closed your eyes to relish the feeling of his strong embrace, you would remember the way the knife sliced through his soft skin. The way blood poured forth from the same flesh you was embracing.

You pulled back slightly from Shinji’s mouth, gasping for air, tears pricking at the corner of your eyes, meeting his gaze. Too much was going on in your head, too many emotions flooding your heart. What happened today, your reaction, the way his eyes gazed hungrily at you, every single event swirling around in your head, making you unable to comprehend anything that was happening around you right now. “You okay?” The sound of Shinjiro's low voice rumbled through your chest causing shivers to spread through your whole body. “Is this too much for you?” He asked tentatively, pulling his hand away from under your shirt, moving both his hands to cup your face gently. A sudden pang of guilt pierced your heart. This wasn't what you intended on doing. He shouldn't be doing this now, not when he’s in this state. Not after what has happened to him today. But you couldn't stop yourself from craving more. So you shook your head, your eyes pleading to reassure him. Shinji placed another soft kiss on your lips, holding eye contact with you the entire time. “Then don’t make me stop,” He spoke seductively against your lips, before kissing you again deeply, pulling you so close to him that you were almost laying on top of him. It was clear that he didn't want to stop either. His arms were tight around you as if he doesn’t want you to leave ever. You knew this was probably wrong, but god does it feel good. Everything about this moment felt right, and somehow it made you forget how much pain you both went throught that night.

[raevenlywrites]

Time for more The Magnus Archives! Todays listen starts with episode 21: Free Fall through 22: Colony 23: Schwarrzwhatever skipped bc historical shit bores me, 24: Strange Music 25: Growing Dark, 26: A Distortion, 27: A sturdy lock and finally 28: Skintight

(prev episodes here)

Free Fall

Martin! I almosr skipped this one bc one of my fears is "im in a situation i cant walk/climb/swim away from", but my hands were full so i just let it go. and we get an interruption! i love those

Colony

Okay. So I love Martin right off the bat for unfair meta reasons and for pretty legit diagetic reasons. One, I have a fondness for Alex's voice from listening to Rusty Quill Gaming. I always hear him playing this one shot himbo paladin of Apollo, and it always makes me grin. So im just flat predisposed to feel favorably to anyone voiced by Alex.

But two, so far Jon has been presented as kind of prickly. He sounds unpleasant to give statements to, wretched for work for, and particularly hard on Martin. Maybe its justified, maybe not, we havent had a chance to know. So now we get Martin "on camera" and he is immediately cast as pathetic and aligned with the reader: creeped out by all this spooky shit. He goes on to be a very good boy, doing scary shit bc he knows he needs to do a better job for his boss.

And then, brilliantly, Jon subverts this dick boss vibe thats been building by offering a room to Martin. He takes Martin's concerns very seriously, because he takes legitimate archives concerns very seriously. Weve seen hints of this with his reactions to things like the Lightner books, but this is the first time hes reacted with a sense of urgency. its a ramping up of the tension, now that weve established the tone of the work and some truths about the world. its really interesting that this shit isnt in response to dreamer, a direct threat to his predecessor, but rather a direct threat to one of his subordinates. It says some interesting things about Jon's character, and shifts my expectations on how he might react to future incidents.

ugh. im remembering the other reason why listening to this at work was a no go. The sound mixing on this is so bad that even with my headphones cranked all the way up, i can't hear shit :/

Schwartzwhatever skipped due to disinterest in historicals, let me know if im missing any vital clues or fun interruption scenes

Strange Music

Not much to say about this one, although it was fun to listen to Sasha and Jon lampshade the problems of audio media and regional pronounciations of Calliope. Has anyone ever actually heard it pronounced Callie ope (like cantaloupe)?

Growing Dark

So, i happened to go back and listen to 9: A fathers love, while trying to calibrate my headphones, and what a happy accident that I did! Hello, The Peoples Church of The Divine Host! Also, connection to Gertrude's "death" (still not 100 that she's dead, just gone)

Flag: TPCotDH, episodes 9: A fathers love and 25: Growing Dark

A distortion

Sasha! This is another one where my experiences with Rusty Quill gaming make me predisposed to like and trust Sasha. But since Jon also seems to trust her, that makes me more inclined to believe their opinion of Martin as a bit of a klutz, the one you trip when youre running from a bear, most likely to be the first casuality

Very curious about Michael, cant help but wonder if theyre going to lean into angelic mythology or not. Tuck that in my folder of "things to wait and see about"

A Sturdy Lock

By all rights this one SHOULD get to me. I dont remember if it did on my first listen, but this time around all I really care about is wondering from a writer perspective if all these "other statements" that get mentioned every now and again are already written/planned, or just mechanism to add to the sense of a larger world. And from a reader figuring shit out perspective, I'm starting to wonder if the archive is such a mess maybe on purpose. Like, was Gertrude a baddy (/IS a baddy????). Or maybe Martin is not as inept as he seems and is secretly moving things about 🧐

Skintight

I LOVE that this one isnt actually about a grey lady. its really fun how they like to set up common tropes and then sideswipe them XD. Plus its a real treat to hear two actors play off of each other. That works so much better for me than suspending my disbelief that grumpy old Jarchivist is recording these statements with such emotion XD

[captainimprobable]

I've known i had a sleep disorder for like 13 years, but didn't get diagnosed with anything til last year, and until LITERALLY THIS WEEK even though it's been hard and even though I've cried over it multiple times, I've been able to be like "hehe haha i have sleepy bitch disease" but i just suddenly realized that i actually have a real, tangible disability. And I KNEW that, and I was never hung up on that word or anything, but I've been fine bc sure it's been impacting my life, but I've always managed to hold down jobs right??? And then I thought about it. I managed at Trader Joe's bc I was active all the time. So I thought "oh, okay, while i get this disorder under control, I can work retail". Except I realized that a) this disorder will never be under control, and b)i worked retail before the disorder got WORSE, like it has gotten the last couple years. because when I worked it before, sure i was tired, but because i was always moving I was fine. But NOW I also get these waves of extreme exhaustion that mean i need to take a nap RIGHT THEN, and if I don't, I get really sick. So. How am I supposed to work a retail job if there's a chance I'll be incapacitated for at least an hour in the middle of my shift? And when I worked the office job? That was remote. And looking back, I slept half the work day. (I always got my work done anyway, but NO it was not ok to sleep through the work day. I know.) So now here I am, almost 6 months unemployed, about to run out of unemployment money, JUST NOW realizing that it is not physically possible to work. And meanwhile, everyone around me just acts like either "oh haha isnt everyone tired" or like Im overdramatic and making it up. So I went on to a facebook group for people like me, and asked for advice. Every response was "Sorry, no, this never gets better! Also I haven't worked in years! Good luck! <3" And now I'm looking at the rest of my life and realizing im always going to be this way. Im always going to be living at half speed. I will never actually be able to live up to my full potential. How am I ever supposed to work? How do I make money? I've been so hopeful and blase about this whole thing for years and suddenly its not so chill anymore. I'm SO fucking SCARED and Im looking for literally any answer or any help and there is none. You can try medication, but it doesnt always work (and im doing that. and its not working.) Otherwise, ig you just...pray?????? I literally cannot feel this way forever. I cant. That is just not a life at all. What the FUCK am i supposed to do??? (And now Im freaking out bc when this all started i would fall asleep while driving. That hasnt happened since college but what if it changes? What if I cant drive anymore? So many people with these problems simply are not allowed to drive. What the fuck do I do oh my god)

[sickficideas]

omg maybelle im so sorry to hear that youre going through it … my liege we love you !!! i am also going through it, i feel you, we can be in these trenches together. may i offer you some assorted chronic pain hcs in the meantime:

atsushi is my chronic pain PRINCESS, especially his leg/knee because he is ALWAYS GETTING HIS LEG CUT OFF /STABBED / ETC WTF !! So i think he has one bad/weak knee (i dont remember which it is in the anime but i like to think its the left 1 bc thats My bad leg) and he sometimes has to wear a knee brace on bad pain days. i feel like everyone in the ada office slowly starts to clock in on when atsushi’s doing bad even just by how he walks in the door, cos even tho he tries to hide it he unconsciously shifts his weight around depending on his pain that day. so i think they do little things for him— bringing his papers to his desk rather than having him get up, trying to only send him on errands to single-story buildings/buildings with elevators and so on. i love the ada family that is always shifting just so how it functions to accommodate for the people within ❤️

chuuya is also my chronic pain princess but more full-body… ive always imagined that the genetic testing and experimentation fucked him UP along with being in a body that wasn’t meant to have an ability. so i think chuuya has all different joints that get achey all the time and hes just learnt to compartmentalize that shooting pain until he gets a chance to sit down in his office for a while. my poor overworked little meow meow. i think he also uses his ability to try to make it better! to take weight off of specific joints when hes walking/moving so that its less painful. and this is just One facet of my literal list of post corruption chuuya hcs do NOT get me started

i also feel similarly about sigma what with the not being a natural human, so i think sigma’s body just. Is Wrong sometimes, like it remembers that it wasn’t really supposed to exist. he’ll crack his neck or his back and then have to do it a couple more times until something clicks back into place. i also think sigma has bad eyesight… projecting glasses onto him too. in my mind ever member of kunichuusigzai needs glasses to some degree dazai just never wears his because he cant be assed and chuuya only wears his in the office.

other characters i have less developed chronic pain hcs about but like i Know they have it are poe, mushitaro and both of the akutagawas… ryuu especially though of course like ofc he always has chest pain that branches out to his back and neck and shoulders. of COURSE!!

ANYWAYS OMG IM SO SORRY FOR YAPPING SO MUCH ive just been brewing these thoughts for a while LOL i hope u feel better soon maybelle 🌼🌼🌼🌼 faithfully yours @s2reason-living

THESE ARE SO GOOD!!!! I'm so sorry it took me a while to get to these but they're so good and I love getting love headcanon messages from other people this is beautiful....

I am mentally adopting the Atsushi bad left knee headcanon....it makes so much sense and I love the idea of it being like quietly noticed by others and they help accommodate him 💖 and Chuuya😭😭😭 post corruption Chuuya has incredible potential I loved everything you mentioned and I love the idea of it getting worse over time....my poor sweet prince

Sigmas body being Different makes so much sense too and the bad eyesight HARD AGREE !! He has no idea for a long time until Dazai points out he needs glasses and he's like what??? When we finally gets a pair his life is changed...and don't get me started on chronlc pain Akutagawa AHHHGHH you're so genius from chest pain yes....my poor baby