#and i cant even feel good about getting through the shift bc i have to be back tomorrow. and the day after.

[orcelito]

God, this is fucking crazy

So i only have 3 more classes to take, but it'll cost the same to take 3 classes as 4 classes. So I've been thinking about taking a 4th class just for the hell of it. Something fun and/or easy.

Out of curiosity, I looked up orchestras. I was in it in my first year, but I haven't consistently played since 2016. But I still dream about being in an orchestra again. I *miss it*. So I was like. Well, what if *that* was my 4th class next semester? What If?

I looked it up. This week is the last week they're doing auditions for it. There was only one more spot free after today. And that's *tomorrow evening*.

I haven't really played my violin much in YEARS. I'm so out of practice. But apparently they don't reject anyone outright. Auditions are just for placement. So worst case scenario, I get placed in an orchestra at a lower skill level than I was at my prime. It'd still be an orchestra.

It's crazy short notice, but I don't think I'd forgive myself if I passed it up. Bc I have just one more semester before I graduate. One last opportunity to be in a school orchestra. And if I didn't do this, I'd be left with that What If forever.

So. Crazy short notice, but I have a violin audition tomorrow!!! Hahahaha

[cloudd-nyne]

.

[k-hotchoisan]

Congrats on 500 I'm so proud!! I'd love to request number 21from your 'this or that' list, excited to see what you will choose!

21. Get fucked by San in the dance studio or Get fucked by Jongho in the recording studio?

NO BC YOU SAW THE SHIT ABOUT ATEEZ SAYING SAN DANCES SHIRTLESS IN THE DANCE STUDIO?????? I CANT KEEP PRETENDING IM GOd’S STRONGEST SOLDIER COS IM NOT!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭

IT HAS NOT LEFT MY MIND SINCE THEN

No thanks to the sexual tension, you and San obviously do more than just dance in the dance studio.

Genre/Warnings: semi public sex, smut, sweaty sex 🔥, mirror sex, unprotected sex, cream pies, dirty talk

Tag list: @bro-atz @diamond-3 (message me if you wanna be in my taglist!)

K’s500: this or that? Masterlist

You don’t know how you ended up here, in the practice room, but it was probably because San ended up luring you and trapping you here. You knew you should have turned your heel and left the damn room when you found the rumors of him always going shirtless during dance practice were true.

And now he has you on his lap, grinding against his hard-on, your hands feeling every part of skin like a fucking buffet. You’ve almost been dreaming for this. He has his lips locked on yours, his thumb grazing your bottom lip to remind you to hang your jaw open for him. You swear he could eat you whole and you’d just allow it to happen.

San’s gaze lands on the mirror before him and he cracks a smile as he shifts you to have your back agains his chest. Your face flushes at the sight of you in the mirror, spread out, the lights of room only enhancing how wet your cunt looks. San drags his fingers over your hole with two fingers as he tugs your folds open, and the slick only glistens underneath the bright lights.

His voice is melting any common sense you have left in your mind as he mutters right into your ear, “we should take advantage of this mirror, shouldn’t we?”

“What if we get caught?” you ask, albeit breathlessly as you feel his hard erection just pressing against your spine.

“We won’t”, San replies, trailing his hands up to your tits under your shirt as he gives them a squeeze, making you gasp. He’s peppering kisses and bites down your neck as he switches back and forth from lightly pinching your nipples and squeezing your tits, evidently, that was more than enough to turn you into putty in his hands as you sigh, shutting your eyes to just sink into the pleasure.

“Keep your eyes open,” he commands, and your eyes flutter open, if it’s not you noticing the way you’re spreading your legs even wider, it’s the way he’s staring at you through the mirror looking hungry as fuck for you. Your shirt is lifted all the way up over your chest, and you’re practically naked in front of him. You feel so exposed but something about seeing yourself looking so aroused and being touched all over by Choi San only turned you on even more.

“Fuck me, please”, you murmur, loud enough for him to hear. He hears it, that’s definite, but he tilts his head, acting confused.

“Come again, babe? Didn’t hear you.”

You bite your lip.

“I want you to fuck me”, you say, a little louder this time. San continues to feign ignorance. He shakes his head, “still can’t hear you Angel.”

“Fucking hell. I need you to fuck me dumb, Choi fucking San!” You exclaim, tightening your grip on his arm.

That’s only when San has his satisfied smile plastered, before lifting you off his lap, and removing his sweats. You stare at the way his cock emerges from the fabric and swallow hard. As he pumps his cock a couple of times, he pats his lap for you to sit on and you immediately comply.

There you are, back facing his chest again, as you stare at the way he’s fucking his hand through the mirror. He’s doing his best to hold back but you could tell the way his eyes are starting to glaze over from the pleasure.

You hover over his cock and slowly sink yourself in, eyes rolling at how he’s stretching you so fucking good at every inch he pushes in. You gasp when his cockhead presses deep in you, before completely dropping onto him, and a groan escapes San’s lips, his hands adding pressure on your lips.

“You feel so fucking good, babe”, he sighs into your ear, shifting slightly to make sure he’s buried in you to the hilt, and oh god does it feel like fucking heaven.

It’s almost automatic—you lift your hips slightly before dropping down, your hands gripping his thighs. No, it felt too fucking good that you could barely even move yourself. A soft chuckle drifts into your ear.

“Dick too fucking good?” He asks. But obviously he never gives you the chance to answer because he thrusts his hips up, and a broken cry releases from your lips.

“S-San-“ you cry out, but San begins to catch a steady rhythm of fucking you from below.

He reminds you again, “look at the mirror, look at how fucking pretty you look right now, look at how you’re getting ruined by me.” You barely keep your eyes open, and the sight on the mirror was borderline pornographic—his cock being swallowed by your hole as he pulls out again, watching the way you cream on his cock.

“You’re squeezing me darling”, San laughs, even though it’s through a broken moan. You’re starting to sob a little because it feels so fucking good. San strokes your thighs, only for him to hold them open as he ensures his whole length is deep in you every time he fucks into you.

“San, so deep. You’re so fucking deep”, you mutter, slowly losing any ounce of rationality.

“Does it feel good?”

You nod. “More. Break me.”

Something flashes in his eyes for a moment that you don’t catch because he has you lying on the ground with your ass up, and he forces you to look at the mirror as he has his fingers curl around your neck, and his other hand holds your hips before he pushes his cock back into you again.

Your eyes roll back, and another sob escapes you. He doesn’t let you adjust and he rails you from the back. You have no choice but to watch the way he pounds into you from the back in the mirror, the wet slapping sounds even louder this time. You hear his groans that grow higher in octave, and you don’t register the way drool is threatening to slip past the corner of your lips.

“Too much! S-San!” You cry out the moment you feel something funny in your abdomen. He ignores you, only replying with a curt smile before landing his hand on your ass, causing you to jerk forward in surprise, your mouth hanging open.

“Let it go. You know you want to.”

The strange feeling tightens in your stomach the more he hits deep into you, until you completely break and scream his name, squirting all over him, your mind going blank as your body convulses in bliss. San makes sure you ride your orgasm out before he sinks himself deep into you, and warm fluid spurts right into your cunt.

“Fuck. That’s it. Take it all in your cunt, darling”, he grunts, squeezing your ass as he empties himself in you.

There’s a short moment of silence before he pulls out. You slump onto the cold, wooden floor, trying to catch your breath, watching San pull his sweats up again, pocketing his phone and towel. You feel him tugging your shorts up for you and your shirt over your shoulders, and then his arms under you as he carries you, placing a kiss on your temple.

Through hazed eyes, you pout.

“We’re definitely gonna get caught”, which San only replies with a soft laugh.

“It’s practicing—just a different kind.”

[alelathedragon]

Not me going back and hyper analyzing Mr.Puzzles episodes to further ramble about how silly he is and just how well written he is

Just how blind is this man to memes? VERY.

VERY BLIND

Like I said in my last post he looks at the Meme Factory and only sees the Comedy Zone bc: Being Funny is how he suspects SMG4 has fame, hes been watching these guys for who knows how long and while they give epic performances in Arcs there is always one key denominator to SMG4 and that is: he makes people laugh

Mr.Puzzles doesnt get it. And another way we can see that is in the Despicable Mr.Puzzles episode where

Notice Shroomy has a NORMAL dog. This is important!! Because in Mr.Puzzles world, his TV safe space where HIS shows go the way he thinks they should... Shroomy having a normal dog is good! So when Mr.Puzzles gets upset at him and transforms his dog into a meme...

Shroomy doesnt react how Mr.Puzzles would want him too bc currently, the man himself is partaking in a Roll. Blinded by the Roll he is in. Playing the Character of Gru... Just like how SMG4 is himself but shifts just enough to fit the roll of like Dora The Explorer? Puzzles cant micromanage the NPCs reactions so

This isnt Shroomy just being dumb

This is shroomy: reacting how he might in Real Life, his dog is now a meme. Cool!! How nice of Mr.Puzzles to make his dog funny!! Itd be nice to have my old dog back but i wont argue the new dog

Bc Shroomy is a bit of a people pleaser he wouldnt show his true feelings on that and again: in this world memes are good. So while Puzzles thinks hes so evil... Hes actually doing Shroomy a TYPE of favour

So why does he Like Leggy then?? You may ask... Shes a Meme as far as any of us are concerned, its cannon too!! On meme island Meggy gets turned into Leggy and is confirmed as a Meme.

Wouldnt Mr.Puzzles find her disgusting? Nope!

He looks at Leggy as a Creature. Because that is how she acts in front of him, Leggy as a meme is a goomba gremlin that acts like a loyal pet to whom cares for her. A silly lil guy

And being a Fresh Made meme, she hasnt hit Mr.Puzzles media radar so chat

He doesnt know.

He just looks at this small gremlin and goes: what an annoying dog lmao time to move on with my life. But then he gets stuck with her and she animols all over the place getting him attached against his will lmao!!

Hes the perfect antagonist for the smg4 universe

A guy who doesnt think memes are funny and infact hates them!! Even after the adventure through the meme factory what is the first thing he does upon hitting the stage?

He tells a dad joke.

His audience: he himself: find that to be the only GOOD source of funny so of course he does that and gets power from it temporarily

And dad jokes are funny lol kill me if u want lol so ofc the camera worked for him.

But the important thing is: he didnt conform to memeage bc bro doesnt get it

And i love that for him

[jooillusion]

y’all im sorry i cant sleep rn bc the thought of this jooyeon x preppy reader 🫣

cw: smoking, mentions of making out, mentions of car sex, and me writing this w my eyelids half open 😻

college!au where jooyeon hangs around the goths and you hang around the rich preppies.

naturally, you’d be attracted to the guys with clean cuts, polos, and the ones that are good at golf. the ones who have the perfect smile and the ones that are always ready to marry.

you wished everything had happened naturally, where you’d be attracted to the guys with clean cuts, polos, and the ones that are good at golf. the ones who have the perfect smile and the ones that are always ready to marry.

but before you stands jooyeon, leaning against the wall of the secluded area that he just found out about now that you told him about it, the cigarette between his fingers intoxicating the air around the both of you. though you’re outside, the air feels stuffy and thick, especially since you just confessed your feelings for him.

he lets it linger, smiling as the three worded phrase replays through his head. you’re unable to look at him, only looking at your fresh shoes that you had bought earlier in the week just for this moment.

“you like me, ay?” he repeats, almost as if he’s mocking you. you’re hesitant to nod you head, a ton of bricks hitting you when you hear jooyeon snicker. “why did you bring me all the way over here just to say that?”

“i just…well…” your mind scrambles for an excuse other than not wanting to be seen by your group of friends that didn’t even know about your little crush. jooyeon taps his foot impatiently, raising an eyebrow along with the cigarette to his black stained lips, puffing in the smoke and blowing it towards your direction. you fan away the smoke, coughing once it hits your nostrils.

you hear jooyeon snort out half of another laugh. “i have rehearsals in a little bit. we could talk about this in my car later yeah?”

naively, you agree to meet him in his car. he hands you a note telling you which car and the lot he’s parked in, along with the message of don’t keep me waiting.

you watch him step on the cigarette and walk off.

you look around before opening the door to jooyeons car, settling in the passenger seat. you try to hide your grimace, the leather of his car seats a little bit torn off and ruined.

“excuse the mess, didn’t expect some preppy to be in my car at this time.” he leans back in his seat, looking over at you. you don’t even notice his sarcasm, way too scared to get comfortable. “so why do you like me again? i thought you had a boyfriend?”

“no i don’t. i just have some close guy friends. you’re just different.”

“different? how so?”

“i’ve just never seen anybody like you before. you sing really well, you play bass really well, your hair is awesome…” jooyeon lets you go on about everything you like about him, nodding his head, his smile growing wider with each praise.

at first he thought you were joking, only trying to hook up with him. he was prepared for the story he had for his friends about how he fucked one of the preppies. but the more you go on, the more jooyeon realizes how cute you were behind that polo and white skirt of yours. he didn’t wanna let you go just yet.

he notices you only looking down at his glovebox, shifting so that he’s sitting up. your mouth zips shut as if it’s on cue, turning your head to look out the window. jooyeon was having none of it, placing his hand on your shoulder to turn you towards him.

“cmon, you say you like me but you’re acting as if you’re scared of me.”

“im not i just…” you trail off, jooyeons hand moving to hold your chin. he strokes it, holding eye contact with you for what felt like an eternity. “i just recall liking you and-“

“do you wanna kiss me?”

you’re nearly choking on your spit at the question. you’re unable to answer, nodding your head and looking from his eyes to his black stained lips. he shakes his head.

“i didn’t hear you.” he spits sternly

you gulp, the faint yes that leaves your lips almost couldn’t be heard. jooyeon lets it slide, a satisfied smile etching onto his lips. he slowly pulls your face towards his, tilting his head.

“don’t worry angel, i don’t bite.” he whispers against your readied lips. “yet.”

YEAHHHH and after your first car encounter with jooyeon, you started meeting him in his car almost everyday after your classes had ended. you two didn’t tie the knot immediately after, but after one too many conversations that led to makeout sessions, you two were officially dating.

gotta mention as well he waited until you were fully ready to show him your body :,(. he confidently calls you beautiful before letting you bounce on his dick in the backseats of his car in the empty school parking lot. his painted fingernails left prints all over your ass, the black lipstick that adorned his lips also leaving marks wherever they touched, even getting on your shirt. afterwards, he’d cover you with his striped sweater and cuddles close to your tired body for however long you wanted, kissing you every now and then on the crown of your head.

your friends aren’t even mad that you’re dating jooyeon and neither were his friends. even though you two are completely opposite, you two fit together perfectly.

[lavenoon]

Kindled Spirits AU

Soulmate AU revamped with a Y/N <3

Basics: Soulmate bonds are 1) not necessarily romantic, 2) not a given and not always between just 2 people, 3) not necessarily reciprocal (rare, but happens) Basically soulmates are bonded via dreams - meeting within dreams, or dreaming of each other’s memories, anything in dreams is fair game Plays a year after the pizzaplex fire and given that I had the idea a good while ago none of the dlc is included in the premise, also bc this is based on an old self insert fic Y/N is extremely audhd because that I refuse to take out

Y/N has spent most of their life assuming they don’t have a soulmate, which is a relief because they’re plagued by nightmares/ stress dreams a lot. They got used to those, and when some other hazy dreams crop up later in life they don’t think much of it.

Then one night they dream of burning. An indoor playground, they stand in the middle of it, filled with hopelessness and self hatred they cant explain (the irony of Sun burning to death). They don’t feel alone though, and though they can’t see anyone else, they know someone else is there. It's both a comfort as well as agonizing, and the care for that other person is evident, despite the whole emotional cocktail. They go through the entire dream incapable of changing anything, and then wake up still feeling hot but also cold and clammy, phantom flames still licking at their skin. All while they cope with the idea that maybe they did have a soulmate, and that is now past tense.

For an entire year they go around thinking they witnessed their soulmate(s?) burning to death via dream, not telling anyone about it but carrying that guilt.

They move, and find a new job - the Pizzaplex is hiring! No one wants to be a security guard anymore after all that weird shit a year ago, so even though Y/N lacks the qualifications, they get hired. Rotating shifts, day (morning/ afternoon) and night. The first time they walk past the daycare, it flashes into flame - but no, that’s just coincidence. It’s the first indoor playground they’ve seen since then, it’s hazy dream memories worsened by guilt, it’s not the same.

Y/N befriends the daycare attendant, and the naptime attendant - they talk to Sun sometimes through the slide, and Moon usually bothers them on their security rounds. They do meet Sun first, after trying to be helpful throwing down some stray ballpit balls down the slide, and a curious Sun crawls up just to get a ball to the face. Y/N feels very bad about that, and given their lack of scripts for how to interact with animatronics, they just fall back on the scripts they already have. Sun doesn't seem to mind, so it's all good! Then one night they shout a belated "Good night!" down the slide, after the lights in the daycare have turned off, and barely avoid falling when suddenly Moon stands behind them, asking them just what they're doing. He makes his dislike of their flashlight promptly known, and then they have a menace of a shadow for their rounds.

That goes on for a couple weeks, until Sun asks them inside of the daycare to address a few concerns they could please relay to management?

And then the perspective is just undeniable. Y/N gets caught in the flashback, seeing it all burn again, and Sun startles them out of it. They don’t tell him. They can’t. But they realize that he’s been forced to work in a direct replica of the place where he burned to (temporary) death.

After that they keep trying to broach the topic of soulmates in general, but Sun and Moon are very much convinced that as animatronics they are not people, and they can’t dream anyway, so how would they have a soulmate? So silly!

Dreams and personhood are very connected in this AU - with dreams linking souls society just assumes that anyone without dreams is not a person. (Is this a societal issue for other humans who don't dream? Sure! People are people and will exclude others for any reason!)

Meanwhile Y/N starts having more dreams - they assume because now they live closer, actually met their soulmates, there’s less of a barrier to only have the super traumatic stuff make it into their dreams. In fact, they are kind of relieved that their usual nightmares are exchanged for extremely mundane “watching kids play in the daycare” or watching themself being bothered by Moon from his POV.

It’s a struggle trying to convince their soulmates that they are in fact people, while wondering if the bond is reciprocated because how would they tell? Sun and Moon can’t dream, there’s no confirmation that Y/N is their soulmate too! Lots of fear of rejection that’s holding them back here

But also some shenanigans at this time, like Y/N knowing that Moon follows them on their routes, and calling him out on it when he tries to stay hidden. He asks how they knew, and they bluntly reply “it came to me in a dream”. Moon laughs, then asks for the truth that they don’t know how to give after he rejects it so easily. They end up deflecting and he goes back to being a menace.

Also Y/N being somewhat anxious once they realize that Sun uses "friend" for many people (whenever they do see him interact with adults, which isn't often) and awkwardly ask for confirmation because oh no what if he's just being polite and they read too much into it? They almost regret it when he proves that Moon isn't the only menace and makes sure they know he considers them their friend after! Moon continues being a cat in his affections, so when Y/N asks him the same he ends up positively surprised, somewhat guilty (due to the secrets he keeps, and the danger he still believes he poses), but mostly ramps up the friendly annoying to the max

And then Y/N ends up impulsively telling Moon. He wants them to be joking - asks them to, even, to take it all back. When they refuse he reacts more in anger and accuses them of deluding themself, suggesting they need medical attention. They get angry then, too, because is he really telling them to go to a doctor after they confess something like this? It ends badly, with Y/N fleeing the scene and then avoiding both Moon and Sun for a good while.

Until Sun requests their presence about a “security issue” in the closed daycare, and Y/N goes even knowing he’ll want to talk. He’s concerned more than angry, but disbelieving all the same. Y/N’s patience is running thin when Sun, desperately, asks them just what they were dreaming about to be so convinced - what made them think they're linked to an animatronic like that? - so they tell him about the fire. They also tell him that they were telling the truth that one time with Moon. Sun (and Moon) get their own flashback, and Y/N ends up frantic, apologizing for bringing it up like that, while the boys are just terrified that

1) Y/N had to see that, experience it via dream

and 2) just what else could they have seen?

Moon in particular is terrified - he approaches them a bit later, asking about other dreams they might’ve had. Even says “they would have been nightmares”. He assumes that Y/N must have witnessed the virus induced murders and has no idea how to assure them that he’s not that, after he reacted in so much anger at their initial confession. His concern doesn’t really lessen, and more shifts upon being told that “I wouldn’t know, all my dreams are nightmares anyway”.

Mostly themed around growing closer after that, and working around “we don’t need to dream of you to know we like you, and we do!” as well as uncovering the past trauma Sun and Moon have gone through (and are going through, still trapped in the same building in a replica of where they burned).

Also Sun and Moon struggling to accept their personhood because if they’re people, then they are traumatized and were (and are being) mistreated for a long time, and that’s also hard to come to terms with. Some thoughts towards animatronic emancipation though I never got that far in the fic, so mostly comfort and slice of life as they work around the little bump in the road of their soulmate bond. Y/N opening up about their own dreams, and why it's so difficult to say they had any nightmares based on Sun and Moon's experience before the literal death experience not just breaking the ice but rather melting it at record speed

Would remain platonic/ ambiguous because it was very important to me that soulmates aren't necessarily romantic, and they all have bigger fish to fry than whether or not they'd like to go on dates - given that that's hardly an option while Sun and Moon cannot leave the Plex. The reassurance and relationship beyond the bond actually is the most important part, with Y/N admitting to both Sun and Moon and also themself that they enjoy having them as soulmates, of course! But they'd be friends with or without those dreams, given that Y/N initially approached them both before they even realized. Which is also a relief, because Sun and Moon do feel bad over not being able to confirm that it's reciprocated - they feel like it is, they want it to be (and isn't that the most important part?)! But they don't know. And that's okay - because they found each other, dreams or not, and they won't lose that <3

This is as much as I have right now, and as much as it'll stay for the time being! Enjoy <3

[bug-bites]

west side apartment, paper plane

tw: brief non-graphic mentions of ghost going thru war stuff and ghost's backstory in the comics (changed a few details because this is fanfic. duh), slight angst (bc yk,, yearning) but sort of fluff if ghost had a dollar for every moment he spent yearning he would have enough money to retire and live a happy life away from the military, also we're pretending british chinese takeout is good, not proofread :P

pairing: simon "ghost" riley x gn!reader (like always can be read as platonic or romantic)

characters: simon "ghost" riley

a/n: i hate how fucking massive the song link is but yk what its fine. but i am back and in a laufey moment!

simon has lived an interesting life, maybe he wouldn’t use interesting. if he could describe it he would probably use words like terrifying, cruel, or for a lack of better terms, shitty. from the moment he was born it seemed like misery and tragedy followed him around like a stray dog, finding its way into every aspect of his existence. his childhood home was always something he wanted to escape, or rather his father was what he wanted to run away from. there were good moments after he kicked the old bastard out, but the ever present threat of tragedy proved that it wouldn’t last. life had been cruel, dealing him possibly the worst hand possible, the only constant being misfortune, that is until you came along.

a temporary living arrangement. thats all it was. rent was a little too much for one person to afford, so you both signed the lease on a crummy, small, mixed-use apartment right in the middle of manchester. it wasn’t much, takeout dinners from the restaurant below and late rent payments were the norm but even with the busted heating, life in that apartment had never felt so warm.

after long shifts at your respective jobs he would come home, plastic bags of takeout in his hands, a sign for you to set a few blankets on the ground before both of you eat ungodly amounts of shrimp fried rice and orange sesame chicken. he could spend hours listening to you speak, nothing made him feel so at home. maybe it was the fact that the food was good and also inexpensive, or maybe it was because he was too exhausted to do anything else, but he loved those long sleepless nights spent sitting on the floor, talking about everything and nothing. simon cant imagine another time in his life when he was genuinely so happy or another time he laughed so hard water came out his nose.

he especially loved opening fortune cookies with you at the end of every meal. sure, he never believed in those fortunes but the idea was always fun to entertain. the sound of the cookie cracking open to expose the slip of paper, revealing what the future had in store for him usually filled him with a childlike curiosity. or at least got a laugh out of him.

“hah, mine says ‘there will be a happy romance for you shortly’. these things really could not be farther from the truth. bet yours is more accurate” you say, popping half of the broken cookie into your mouth “your father loves you and is always with you. remember that.” he reads out loud with a chuckle “oh. that- hm. yeah i take that back”

but the one thing he loved more than opening those silly fortunes with you or the late night dinners was after you both cleaned up the empty takeout boxes, taking the menus and folding them into paper planes. it became a sort of tradition after you got bored and began to mess around with the glossy paper that listed mouthwatering dishes and house specials. he could never get it right, one wing was always too big or his folds were clumsily made and uneven, making them practically incapable of flight but yours were the complete opposite. each crease made was perfect, every intricate pleat skillfully crafted to allow the small paper aircraft to glide through the air with ease. as you tossed your planes off the balcony of your shared flat, the sight of the plane sailing through the air as the sun set always filled the both of you with a sense of nostalgia. and of course you both picked them up and tossed them out because we dont mess w/ littering over here

simon cant help but look back at those simpler times and miss them. he knows from the start it was intended to be temporary, but he’s been through so much chaos and trauma all he just wants a quiet life where he doesnt have to be ghost. he just wants a nice warm home to come back to. it doesnt have to be big, it doesnt have to be expensive, it just has to feel like home. it just has to feel like you. its been so long since the two of you parted ways but as he stares at the last paper airplane that he kept, he cant help but wonder if you feel that way too. as he lies awake in his bed at the military base he’s stationed in, he spends those nights craving that domesticity he had with you. he recalls every memory, every minute detail that made him love that cramped apartment and maybe how he loved you even more.

[abrieenthusiast]

okay there are a lot of things that im excited for in season 3 of heartstopper for both film brain reasons and fandom reasons so lets just get to it:

in a recent interview with jenny and joe, joe mentioned how he and georgina (who plays jane) got to improvise their argument scenes and i quote: "if you can’t hear us speaking, we’re just saying the most horrible and rude things to each other that could never be in Heartstopper" so that means in my mind that a lot of scene such as the this winter argument are going to be either under the same general umbrella OR a completely different interpretation of the argument in the book which im psyched for

just the casting of so. many. family members. for episode 5

if theyre gonna do the split perspectives like the journal entries in episode 4! i can def get how that could be difficult but with the talk from alice about how special 4 is, i think it might be cool to see an unseen format for this particular section of the story

how they handle elle being at a different school after finally getting into a relationship with tao

WHATS THE VIBE GONNA BE AT NICKS BIRTHDAY cuz we know what happens after so are we gonna see that tension leading up or not? especially since we have other characters in the mix now

how will they tie the jack maddox minicomic to the seasons plot? i think its happening in episode 7 or 6 by my guess but either way we will SEE!

back to the topic of the journal entries, since the timeline goes "episode 4 nicks pov/charlies, episdoe 5 no main pov, episode 6 charlies pov w therapy and all that", will they shift around events or move where the voiceover happens specifically?

not even a question I AM SO HYPED FOR THE CHANGE IN CAMERA DIRECTION THANKS TO ANDY NEWBURY ill make another post about this but in a phrase i mean his choice of focusing on the performances through simplistic shots

just andy newburys direction in general! i think it was a good call to bring in someone with more knowledge on directing more serious stuff such as season 3, and you can tell the tone shift is done really well!

how theyll handle issac and james' relationship now that the ship has sailed! will they stay friends, will it be awkward?

new! animation! things! i say this bc last season they got more confident by doing new animation tactics that werent straight from the comics, so im interested in what theyll try out this time

just seeing nick and charlie as a fully realized couple, theyve gotten past the being out in public now, so although they are still changing as characters, the relationship doesnt feel as "new" anymore (that is ofc before they start boinking"

where are the f bombs going to be? like which ones are they choosing bc they cant have too many so they have to pick and choose wisely

tao becoming a film bro because that is very personal for me specifically

im sure ill add more but this is what we've got so far FJLKDSLD

[pencileraser1]

pencil eraser one. you word your long posts about dps very well so im pointing my frustration with media-ly illiterate people in your direction. im constantly seething with rage at this podcast episode i listened to a very long time ago abt dps bc they said neils suicide was STUPID and OVERDRAMATIC. and i just. i wanna throw up that boy killed himself and ur calling himnoverdramatic what do i even do. i am high a little and this is very much affecting me i cant get up from this couch 🎀

you're completely correct for this i actually have a few thoughts about this so uh bear with me for a second

theres something that sucks so much about this specific type of criticism of this movie in particular to me because of how much i relate to neil. i watched dps for the first time when i was 17, severely depressed and borderline suicidal and i related So Much to him. i didn't write off his suicide or criticize it because i'd Been There.

generally i feel like this criticism probably stems from lack of understanding Why he would do what he did, and there's a number of reasons that that this could be although that would be leaning a bit too much into psychoanalysis and assuming things i don't know about them so i'm not going to go into it really

up until it happens, neil seems like he's doing mostly okay, and particularly if you haven't seen the movie before i could see how to certain people his suicide might seem overdramatic since it's a bit of a sudden shift from mostly okay to suicidal. but the thing is that up until this point, neil has just been doing a very good job at hiding that something is wrong.

my interpretation of the movie has always been that he'd struggled with some form of depression as well as dealing with some amount of suicidal ideation before the movie and had just generally been good at masking it. during the events of the movie he is the happiest he has ever been because of the combination of the poets, acting, and keating. so when at the end of the play his father suddenly takes away all three, and his options are either to confront his father (something that he feels is impossible to do- even if it technically isn't, the fear he has surrounding it of his father listening but not caring, or making things worse than the are, or anything else, prevents him from doing it) or suffer through 10 years of medical school away from anything he actually cares about, he decides to remove himself from the situation entirely instead.

(theres something about the way his suicide is framed within the movie where in some fucked up way his suicide more than anything else is his carpe diem. he's seizing control of his life in the only way he is physically capable of anymore)

neil's suicide isn't rational but that doesn't mean it doesn't make sense or that he's overdramatic. just because logically waiting out the 10 years until he's away from his dad or leaving as soon as he graduates high school or turns 18 or whatever it is is a better option doesn't mean that 1. he'd have the idea to run away early or more importantly think it doable (he tries so hard to not directly disobey his father the whole movie and after doing it one time is now stuck in This situation, additionally, while this is the 50's and in general shit costed less/jobs were easier to get/etc. he is financially dependent on his father and running away without any support is not the smartest decision) and 2. that he'd be physically capable of enduring the 10 years. because 10 years is a long time Especially if it's 10 years studying to become a doctor, something that is both generally difficult and also something he Doesn't Want To Do. and so the sudden switch from happiest time of his life to suicidal throws people off and they don't understand why he wouldn't have done any of the other options that they thing are the logical ones but to him probably didn't seem physically possible.

[sickficideas]

omg maybelle im so sorry to hear that youre going through it … my liege we love you !!! i am also going through it, i feel you, we can be in these trenches together. may i offer you some assorted chronic pain hcs in the meantime:

atsushi is my chronic pain PRINCESS, especially his leg/knee because he is ALWAYS GETTING HIS LEG CUT OFF /STABBED / ETC WTF !! So i think he has one bad/weak knee (i dont remember which it is in the anime but i like to think its the left 1 bc thats My bad leg) and he sometimes has to wear a knee brace on bad pain days. i feel like everyone in the ada office slowly starts to clock in on when atsushi’s doing bad even just by how he walks in the door, cos even tho he tries to hide it he unconsciously shifts his weight around depending on his pain that day. so i think they do little things for him— bringing his papers to his desk rather than having him get up, trying to only send him on errands to single-story buildings/buildings with elevators and so on. i love the ada family that is always shifting just so how it functions to accommodate for the people within ❤️

chuuya is also my chronic pain princess but more full-body… ive always imagined that the genetic testing and experimentation fucked him UP along with being in a body that wasn’t meant to have an ability. so i think chuuya has all different joints that get achey all the time and hes just learnt to compartmentalize that shooting pain until he gets a chance to sit down in his office for a while. my poor overworked little meow meow. i think he also uses his ability to try to make it better! to take weight off of specific joints when hes walking/moving so that its less painful. and this is just One facet of my literal list of post corruption chuuya hcs do NOT get me started

i also feel similarly about sigma what with the not being a natural human, so i think sigma’s body just. Is Wrong sometimes, like it remembers that it wasn’t really supposed to exist. he’ll crack his neck or his back and then have to do it a couple more times until something clicks back into place. i also think sigma has bad eyesight… projecting glasses onto him too. in my mind ever member of kunichuusigzai needs glasses to some degree dazai just never wears his because he cant be assed and chuuya only wears his in the office.

other characters i have less developed chronic pain hcs about but like i Know they have it are poe, mushitaro and both of the akutagawas… ryuu especially though of course like ofc he always has chest pain that branches out to his back and neck and shoulders. of COURSE!!

ANYWAYS OMG IM SO SORRY FOR YAPPING SO MUCH ive just been brewing these thoughts for a while LOL i hope u feel better soon maybelle 🌼🌼🌼🌼 faithfully yours @s2reason-living

THESE ARE SO GOOD!!!! I'm so sorry it took me a while to get to these but they're so good and I love getting love headcanon messages from other people this is beautiful....

I am mentally adopting the Atsushi bad left knee headcanon....it makes so much sense and I love the idea of it being like quietly noticed by others and they help accommodate him 💖 and Chuuya😭😭😭 post corruption Chuuya has incredible potential I loved everything you mentioned and I love the idea of it getting worse over time....my poor sweet prince

Sigmas body being Different makes so much sense too and the bad eyesight HARD AGREE !! He has no idea for a long time until Dazai points out he needs glasses and he's like what??? When we finally gets a pair his life is changed...and don't get me started on chronlc pain Akutagawa AHHHGHH you're so genius from chest pain yes....my poor baby

[tmwcs]

Hey! Its my first time sending an ask hehe~ I just wanted to say that you’re such an amazing writer and your series are just sooooo good!!! 😍😍😍 I started getting into your account when I came across the smau for MRE and HHP and I gotta say, you got me hooked so bad onto Heethan that I end up loving all your Hee-leads so far! I’m so invested in HHP, SE7EN, DT and now TO! I’m honestly so excited to read a new chapter everytime you post hahaha! 🤭🤭

The main reason I wanted to send you this is cuz I’ve been having super stressful and bad days these past few days and its mainly cuz its my final year in college, final semester and final week actually 😅 and there’s just like sooo many final preparations needed to be done for my big final year project (having my big presentation today! soooo nervous) and its just been too much and too overwhelming for me and I didn’t wanna bother anyone with my anxiousness so I’ve been keeping it all to myself and having slight panic attacks and just started having random breakdowns as I complete my assignments. Reading your series, whether its new chapters or just rereading older ones have given me comfort, like I really felt alone but its like Heethan, Heelel and the Heebros have become my comfort characters. It’s just been so overwhelming for me and I didn’t wanna bother my family with it, I only have one other friend that I trust with my whole life but rarely see her, we’re all busy and I just felt like I’m falling behind in everything. Even though the Hee-leads might be like crazy obsessed with the reader, its like I really needed them in my life just to have someone to drop everything just to hold and comfort me anytime life becomes too much for me. I’m actually crying while writing this to you hahaha… it just feels like everyone around me is moving so fast and I’m stuck at the back picking myself up just because I feel so overwhelmed and anxious easily. Turning 20 this year is another thing that has me feeling afraid of adulthood, my mum is pressuring me into getting a job immediately once I graduate but I just feel like I’m not ready, or I’m just not ready to give up my teenage freedom and socialise professionally. Being such an introvert and shy and always thinking I’m just dumb and cant do work without help has been holding me back from wanting to grow and enjoy this new chapter in life.

So sorry for this long ass rant but i just really needed to let you know how much your stories, your Hee-leads have been keeping me going. Excited for the next chapters of your series! Hope you’re having a great day❣️

Omg so....I LOVE THIS.....this is so heartwarming and thank you for sharing it with me. Also, thank you for discovering my blog so you can write this to me, bc as you may have figured, receiving asks are just....its so nice. its a nice and wonderful surprise to hear from readers interesting in my work, wanting to know more about the characters and so forth. I am just beyond touched that heethan, heelel, and heebrows have made their way into your heart and to provide you comfort. in fact, reading your message had reminded me of a piece that i had started to draft (it was originally supposed to be a part of one of the HHP chapters but i never went through with it) but i still had it in my folders so after i finished reading your message, I decided to go back and actually finish it and format it specifically for you as y/n. I hope you like it. <3

Heeseung's Message.....

MDNI18+ content below the line.

Warnings: mentions of losing loved ones, fears and worries about the future, smut, car smut, unprotected smut, some....just some sadness....its a very heartwarming and touching piece.

"What's wrong baby?"

Noting how silent you were in the car, right after he picked you up, Heeseung rubbed your thigh, gently shifting your skirt upwards as he softly slid his hand up and down, enveloping you with warmth and comfort. "Something on your mind pretty baby?"

Placing your hand on his, you grabbed hold semi-tightly, keeping your gaze out at the window. You were hesitant at first, noting that Heeseung had a busy schedule of his own, was on his way of finishing his last year in college, aiding his professors, and of course, there was you....picking you up from classes, dropping you off every morning, taking you wherever you needed to go. You appreciated it but the man had completely devoted his time to everything else, you felt it selfish to bring any matters up to him....feeling that whatever time he did have left within the evening, he should at least have it for himself.

"It's nothing." You sighed out.

Glancing over to you, he furrowed his brows and quickly shifted the wheel, stirring the car over to a nearby parking lot on one of the campus buildings.

"What are you....?" raising up in your seat, you looked around before turning your gaze over to Heeseung, who steered the wheel with one hand and in a smooth motion, parked the car. Unbuckling his seatbelt, his gaze meets with yours before he reaches up and places his hand behind your head, softly grabbing onto your hair as he leans in and rests his forehead against yours.

"Whats wrong? Did something happen? Did someone hurt you? I wanna know. Tell me, y/n."

His eyes were wide and his expression was fierce with rage, however, before he further ventured off into a spiraling path of unhinged presumptions, you reached up and latched your fingers onto his collar, placing a dainty kiss on his lips. "Its not that....I promise nothing like that happened."

Raising his brows and tilting his head, he releases the gentle grip he had on your hair, and replaced it with a soft, petting motion. "Then why are you being so quiet? You seem upset, what is it?"

Looking down at the console for just a second, you raise your sights once more to meet his and began talking.

".....Are you ever scared about the future, Heeseung?"

His face was taken slightly aback as he raised both brows and looked at you with an intent look.

"Is that what this is about? Are you feeling overwhelmed about moving?"

Shaking your head, you looked down once more as you shyly clarified. "Nooo.....its not just that....its more..."

"Like what baby?"

"Like....after the moving.....finishing college, being in an unfamiliar country, not knowing anybody, making new friends, meeting your family, being apart from mine, learning a new language, finding a job after college, and what if I have to do more college? Or ...." pausing, you caught yourself drifting in verbal thought.

"Or....?" He draws out as he bids you to finish your statement.

"Or........what if....what if something happens and we........you know.....what if we just...."

Squinting his eyes slightly, his expression looked a little irked as he rolled his tongue in his mouth. "That's never going to happen y/n. You know that."

"Yeah but....."

"But what?" Slightly annoyed, he closed his eyes for a second, tilted his chin down, and lifted his lids to expose a rather stern and rather angry look. Yet the moment he saw that your eyes began to glisten, shining like diamonds as the tears started to build up, you looked down once more, unable to look him square in the eye as you felt the first tear break free and drip down on the leather padding of the console.

Watching as you faintly sobbed, he nearly felt his heart break into two. He gasped out a faint breath as he reached over with his other hand and cupped your face, no longer expressing a look of annoyance.

"Hey......why? What's making you think that way? Am I not showing you enough love? You know whatever it is you want, all you have to do is tell me and I'll make it happen."

"Its not that i just........there's just some things we can't predict about the future Heeseung......what if some day......what if you stop loving me......or worse.....what if something happens and I no longer have you? What if....just.......you never know.....is it wrong for me to hope for the best, but expect the worse? Because...you know that life can be so unfair some times....and I....I....I'm scared because....I dont even know....what I'm scared of sometimes. I wake up every single morning not even knowing how to live life because there's so many things that I think about....so many things that are thrown at me all at once and I just.....I feel like sometimes......I might fail......I feel like sometimes.....I will let you down.......I feel like its not the world, its me.........its me that's broken, not you or anyone else."

You gasped out tears and soft cries as you spoke straight from the heart. For the first time, Heeseung had sincerely considered if going to Korea was the best option, at least just for a second before he reminded himself of the future that he had waiting for him.....a future that would allow him to continue to keep you....safe....and with him.

Shifting his sights around on the floor bed of the car, his thumbs stroke your cheeks, wiping away the continuous flow of tears that were now coming down harder than before. Gulping down a hard swallow, he turns back to face you.

"Baby.........look at me....please look at me."

Looking up into his gaze, your eyes red, swollen, with eyelashes drenched and your face stained with wet trails of all your fears leaving their mark. With a soft smile, he calmly speaks.

"You're right.....that is tough. There's a lot that we can't control in the future....its precarious, and we're literally just pawns on the board of this silly game called life, where God and the universe are taking turns making each move. It can be cruel, unfair, and tormenting. Its something that we can either overcome with great strife and hard work."

"But what happens if we work so hard and it.....it just doesnt work out? What if everything just falls apart Heeseung?"

"We wont know unless it happens y/n......the thing about the future, as much as we want it here in the present, so we can see and view what it has in store for us, thats....just not the way it works. That's not the way we work....we're not designed to know those things. We didn't become strong because we cheated, we became strong and survived because we, as humans, learned....the hard way."

Looking into his eyes, your vision started to become blurry all over as the next set of tears built up. Smiling as he continued to wipe your tears away, he continues.

"Y/n....for thousands of years, people have fallen, lost, and suffered at the creativity of the universe. Yet we never gave up......people had an urge to survive. Which is why at times, even when the entire world was on fire, times where a soldier never comes home, a woman loses her child, or when a doctor just doesnt have a cure.....we keep moving....we get back up and learn how to walk again. I can't sit here and tell you that I know that everything is going to be great.....I dont know. But what I do know.....is this...."

Shifting his hands down to your waist, he lifts you with his core strength as his abdominal muscles flexed under his shirt. Bringing you over onto his lap, he sat you down in a princess style as he cradled you against his chest.

"No matter what happens....I'm going to be there. I'm going to be there and I'm going to help you, just like you're going to help me. I'll never let anything happen to you....and.....you never have to worry about me not loving you .....noooooooo pretty baby......that's never going to happen, not loving you would be the worst offense against Heaven and humanity. As far as if anything were to happen to me...."

The moment Heeseung touched on that part of the subject, you sobbed uncontrollably against his neck.

"Heeeeeey, come on now. Nothing's even happen, why are you acting like that's a for sure thing?" he chuckles out as he kisses your forehead. "Listen..." Taking your hand in his, he continues.

"I'm not going anywhere......I'm not. I know this because I know what is living for me......you. I will never abandon you. Even if something did happen, you know i'm always going to be with you. You know how?"

Shaking your head, he brushes your hair away from your face.

"Moments like this baby. Every time we talk, touch, feel each other, love, eat, sleep, kiss, and when I fuck your brains out...." gripping onto your waist tightly, he presses his forehead against your own once more. "All the things we do, they never leave. So.......if there is ever a time where I am not physically here......you're always going to remember how i feel..." gliding his hand from your waist, he reaches down and gently trails it upwards under your skirt, his fingers reaching into your panties.

"You're going to remember my touch..." kissing your neck, he latches his mouth onto your soft spot under your ear, and rings the tip of his tongue around in slow circular motions.

"You're going to remember my scent...." with his free hand, he reaches behind your head and gently pushes your face inward, causing your nose to become burrowed in his thatch of dark long, shaggy hair, inhaling the scent of his cool-mint cologne and his shampoo.

"You'll also remember what I taste like...." placing a soft peck on the spot he was sucking on, he tilts his head up slightly and brings your head down to kiss him.

"And best of all......pretty baby.......you're going to remember what it feels like when I fuck you......when I love you." Shifting your body to face forward, your back completely spooned by his chest and groin as you both remained seated in the drivers side, he spreads your legs open by pushing our inner thighs apart. You were so caught up with the sensual four play, you hadn't realized that he tore off your panties. Unbuttoning your blouse, exposing your breasts, he shifts you up as he levels his length to align with your slit, before proceeding to enter inside you. Feeling full of his flesh, you moaned out as the overwhelming sense of pleasure hits you........taking you away from the abysmal depths of your fears and worries.

Steadying you in a reverse cowgirl position, filing you, his cock melts inside you as he begins thrusting slow and steady, picking up the pace as your walls become more moist.

"You feel me pretty baby?"

"Y-yes!"

"Yeah? You gonna remember me forever?"

"Y-yes...yes! He-Heeseung!"

"You gonna remember what this feels like?"

"Yes!"

"What does it feel like baby? Tell me."

"F-f......fe-feels......ssss......goood......soo....soo.goood....ugh!"

"Harder or faster baby?"

"ugh! both! please both!"

Thrusting repeatedly, your body falls limp as he holds you upright, with one arm wrapped around your waist, and his other hand shifting a grip between your neck and your exposed breast, he muffles your moans and screams with his mouth as he swallows every single bit of your precious tones.

"Gonna cum for me?"

"Y-ye.....yes!...yes.......ugh! He-Heeseung!"

"Yeah? You gonna cum because you're a good girl?"

"Mmm!mmmmmm....mmmhmmm!....ugh!"

"You my good girl?"

"Y....yes!!"

"Yeah you are.......now fucking cum on me. Let me feel it."

Adding more depth to each thrust, you gasped out your screams of pleasure as he rams his cock deep inside, separating new found walls and extracting the moisture out of your body. Reaching orgasm and releasing all over his member, your thighs shake relentlessly.

"Good girl.....my turn."

Cupping your lower tummy, he pushes in and feels his thick length as it slides in and out, he found it amusing how your sensitive body could take him like this, especially feeling it inside you as he was doing right now. Jacking his member deep inside you at a rapid and hard momentum, he finally reaches his moment and with one last punctured thrust, he bucks his hips upward as he shoves you down, mashing your bodies together as he releases inside and fills your body up.

Pulling your head back as he latches his mouth on your neck yet again, suckling as your body bounces rigorously from the tenacity of his performance.

Feeling the pleasure of his tainted love, you somehow were to understand his message clearly, all due to Heeseung extracting you from your fears......which he had done before, back when Samuel sent you his email......back when you and Heeseung came together for the first time.....the start of your guys story. Just as he did back then, he helped you to understand, that the reality of what life gives, is never necessarily the ending to your story. The more he kept pumping into you, the more you were reminded of that clarity. Yea sure, you still felt scared, but knowing that if at first you dont succeed....reach happiness.....or if things just dont work out, you can and should always, try-try again. A lesson you were always reminded of, all thanks to Heethan.

Authors note: Lol, sooooooo...yeah this original draft did have some smut....and i was going to take it out but it was too crucial for me to do so. I hope you dont mind that. But, this chapter was originally drafted, back a few months ago. I had this thought in my head, since I have only taken a few college courses, and am about to start back up on it, I was feeling so dreadful and felt too nervous about doing well. I want to succeed in reaching my educational goals....but what also kind of bugged me was....will i still find time to write? I love writing, truly do. Mainly because it brings other people joy and brings out their most inner feelings. I had so much on my mind that time that i had began drafting this, but as i was writing it, i left it unfinished bc honestly, when i drafted heethan's message.....literally its like his voice was telling me what to write....i felt better. like it was a nice little reminder....realistic...very rational....and honest...but still positive and holds truth. there's a lot of things we can't control, but we should never give up. Its okay to be scared and to worry, that's natural, and that is exactly why people such as myself are here, writing these chapters and stories for you all because i know that there is such a thing called 'life' and sometimes....we just need a break from it to refresh ourselves. I know you have alot on your plate, but dont worry because everything will be more than fine. We have to pace ourselves, work hard, but also rest, and play from time to time. Eat and drink well, and finish strong. finish college, work with your mother and teach her to work with you, if you dont get the job you really want, no big deal. no matter what job you get, if its one you dont want, nothing lasts forever. just think that whatever you do now, it is only making you more marketable for the dream goal you have. I hope you continue strong because while you do have alot on your plate, you've been slaying....you've been killing it! and that's a major accomplishment in itself, last of year of college? woohoo! finish strong!

So now i should apologize for responding with the longest post ever lol. but i really hope this makes you feel better. Reading your message had reminded me of this piece and i am so glad you sent it to me because....looking at it now...and actually finishing it......this was something that was meant to be published and shared. bc it holds an important message for all of us. <3

Enjoyed this piece? Show love and treat your girl to a cup of coffee. ♥️ 

☕ Ko-fi: ko-fi.com/reinbow

[captainimprobable]

I've known i had a sleep disorder for like 13 years, but didn't get diagnosed with anything til last year, and until LITERALLY THIS WEEK even though it's been hard and even though I've cried over it multiple times, I've been able to be like "hehe haha i have sleepy bitch disease" but i just suddenly realized that i actually have a real, tangible disability. And I KNEW that, and I was never hung up on that word or anything, but I've been fine bc sure it's been impacting my life, but I've always managed to hold down jobs right??? And then I thought about it. I managed at Trader Joe's bc I was active all the time. So I thought "oh, okay, while i get this disorder under control, I can work retail". Except I realized that a) this disorder will never be under control, and b)i worked retail before the disorder got WORSE, like it has gotten the last couple years. because when I worked it before, sure i was tired, but because i was always moving I was fine. But NOW I also get these waves of extreme exhaustion that mean i need to take a nap RIGHT THEN, and if I don't, I get really sick. So. How am I supposed to work a retail job if there's a chance I'll be incapacitated for at least an hour in the middle of my shift? And when I worked the office job? That was remote. And looking back, I slept half the work day. (I always got my work done anyway, but NO it was not ok to sleep through the work day. I know.) So now here I am, almost 6 months unemployed, about to run out of unemployment money, JUST NOW realizing that it is not physically possible to work. And meanwhile, everyone around me just acts like either "oh haha isnt everyone tired" or like Im overdramatic and making it up. So I went on to a facebook group for people like me, and asked for advice. Every response was "Sorry, no, this never gets better! Also I haven't worked in years! Good luck! <3" And now I'm looking at the rest of my life and realizing im always going to be this way. Im always going to be living at half speed. I will never actually be able to live up to my full potential. How am I ever supposed to work? How do I make money? I've been so hopeful and blase about this whole thing for years and suddenly its not so chill anymore. I'm SO fucking SCARED and Im looking for literally any answer or any help and there is none. You can try medication, but it doesnt always work (and im doing that. and its not working.) Otherwise, ig you just...pray?????? I literally cannot feel this way forever. I cant. That is just not a life at all. What the FUCK am i supposed to do??? (And now Im freaking out bc when this all started i would fall asleep while driving. That hasnt happened since college but what if it changes? What if I cant drive anymore? So many people with these problems simply are not allowed to drive. What the fuck do I do oh my god)

[moonrisecoeur]

i have been. debating sending this bc i know i am cringe. op i am so sorry feel free to ignore and delete bc this is just actual pure filth lmfaooo

op i literally think about pegging leon 24/7 its a full time JOB inside my brain i need to peg that man so fucking Bad its not even funny. i know hes so fucking Noisy. i wanna make him beg for my strap, i wanna fucking edge him until hes begging and crying to be fucking ruined. i wanna pretty him up, put eyeliner on him so i can make it run down his face from fucking him so hard. i wanna mark up his neck and pull his hair while i pulverize him. i wanna tell him hes taking it so well and how hes such a good boy, how pretty he looks bent over for me while i fuck his cute ass. i want him to hug me while i praise him bc hes so overwhelmed. tell him how hot it is hearing him moan and whine, encourage him to make as much noise as he wants, itd be cute to watch him try to not pillow bite because hes trying sooo hard to do what you want like a good boy. i want him to be borderline Incomprehensible, voice shaking and cracking as he tells me how much he loves me, how much he loves the way i make him feel. i wanna make him cum untouched. i wanna overstimulate him. i wanna grope his fat tits and milk his dick. i wanna make him watch himself getting fucked. put him in a collar, lingerie, fuck anything-hed be gorgeous no matter what he wears. shower him in kisses and affection and make him feel the most loved he has in his entire LIFE while short circuiting his brain n marking him with bites and bruises for everyone to see.

re2 leon is my fave man he has my heart and god id love to just take care of him. after a long shift i wanna slam him against the door and fuck him while hes still in uniform. make him feel so good. such a whiny cutie. cuff him up and bite his freckles while i fuck him late into the night, clean him up and cuddle him after, make him breakfast in the morning n give him kisses.

re4/re6/older leon is a subby bitch too. just as god damn fine and id do oh so horrific things to him. hed love it so much, not having to think, make decisions, take charge. just let me whatever i want to him. hed get off so hard being under you and told how fucking good, pretty, perfect he is. he needs your approval so fucking bad-its all that poor man wants, god he needs it so BAD. he needs to feel safe and loved and wanted, like this is Critical. id make SURE i fuck him so good he cant even think about his insecurities or problems. and dear fucking lord do not get me started on that slutty waist and button down of his in re6. he's keeping the gloves on while i press his hands into the mattress and bite his arms.

its so fucking funny bc i hc leon as a switch BUT GODDDDD SUBBY LEON MAKES ME FUCKING FOAM AT THE MOUTH LIKE A RABID, FERAL ANIMAL

its not a want it is a NEED

I NEED THIS MAN UNDER ME I NEED TO REARRANGE HIS GUTS !!!!!!!!!!!!

guhhh last anon again but now i really cant stop thinkin about sub leon. legit i have so much more to say i just love him so much. theres so much. More. i wanna say but lord. im trying so hard to be normal man 😭😭

first off. hi. hope u had a yummy thanksgiving if u celebrate it and if not i also hope ur having a good day !!

ALSO WTF WHY WOULD I DELETE THIS i literally woke up this morning and checked my tumblr notifs as one does and i literally see this behemoth of an ask and im reading through and im literally screaming bc why is this my internal monologue. like. did u get inside my head or something??? did u steal this from my brain bc i literally think about this approximately 1000 times a day.

i’ll literally be at work and my thoughts be like ughhh i wanna hurt him and make him cry but also want to love him and take care of him but also want to fuck him so so slow and deep i can feel it moving around if i put on hand on his abdomen and then i just spiral and then i remember im making a fuckin caramel macchiato or something >.<

so!! in spirit of our delusion i’m planning to write smthin for u based off of this vibe!! just give me a lil bit 👉👈

BUT TELL ME EVERYTHING TELL ME ALL UR THOUGHTS I WANT TO HEAR THEM ALL I WANT TO KNOWWWW ‘i have so much more to say’ okay prove it. tell me everything

[javelinspeachjam]

The Monkie Kid Style Shift

(from the perspective of a fictive. i promise that's important)

To start, for those who are unaware of my existence bc you only know mills or just dont know us at all, hi! I'm Cicada, he/she pronouns, and I'm a Tang fictive. I wanted to give my opinion on all the shit that happened today, because I believe I and other fictives have unique experiences regarding source media changes :3

(the rest of the post will be under the cut, scroll away if you'd like to avoid spoilers from the trailer) (and, quick side note, NO MATTER WHAT I SAY HERE, PLEASE DO NOT HARASS ANYONE. CHRIST I CANT BELIEVE I HAVE TO SAY THIS, BUT PLEASE DO NOT HARASS REAL PEOPLE OVER THESE LEGOS. K? K.)

Okay, so we all know that Flying Bark's animation has always been an integral part to the spirit of Monkie Kid as a show, and is the main reason why a lot of people love it. As a semi source-connected fictive, seeing that style is like literally seeing me and my family in photographs.

like, y'all have no idea the emotional damage this shot specifically does to me whenever i see it.

and while, yes, there is a possibility that WildBrain can simply just be learning the style (hell, even FlyingBark had to kinda learn their own style in the early days), it's an extremely drastic change and, thus, is bound to cause collateral damage.

I love speaking about my husbands, for example, and the FlyingBark style luckily gives me a great outlet to do so (pignapped lives in my mind rent free).

However, and I can't speak for any other fictives, but the art style shift is kind of like if you watched your family get replaced by aliens or robots right in front of you and couldn't do anything about it. Stiff, doesn't really have a lot of character. I've seen people theorize that they're gonna be animating on rigs instead of handrawn, which matches up. That means, however, that we can't achieve awesome shots such as. every lbd scene ever.

I know plenty of Singlet but neurodivergent people who are also distressed about this, there's familiarity. Especially in my fellow autistic folk, that feels natural, good, and we wouldn't give it up for the world.

(We mod in one of the biggest Monkie Kid discord servers and, dear gods, the fucking backlash. we're all going through it.)

I'm kind of worried that this was pushed, not only because of the ATLA movie, but also because everyone on the staff team was worried because the fandom was antsy.

Can't speak for anyone else, but all the "save me s5" jokes I made were just light hearted, and I'd much rather have quality over quantity. Personally, i'd be willing to wait years for the next monkie kid season if it meant that we could still have it animated by FlyingBark.

Now, of course, this isn't what we're getting, and we'll have to accept that, I just think it should also be valid for fans to be reasonable skeptical at the quality, no matter if it's still the same writers and VAs. It's a huge change, and all I ask is that you're patient with me.

WildBrain is an amazing studio, but I'm not sure they can adjust to the shift in style. Of course, someone's bound to be dissatisfied with it, including myself, and I ask that y'all are patient with people like that. Don't say shit like "if you're a real fan, you wouldn't care about the art style change." That's not nice.

sorry if this isn't coherent in the slightest, I have been crying for a while for the reasoning i mentioned about feeling like I've lost a part of myself. This is terrifying for me, and i ask that you please be kind to others like me <3

anyways, follow if you wanna hear me yap ab BreakfastShipping

[dearweirdme]

you know I have always been one of the first in lines fighting to defend Tae from that rumor, I'm 100% positive that is mediaplay still but something shifted these days as in yes it was mediaplay but ultimately Tae did choose to take part in that paparazzi walk( albeit he didn't look happy at all I think I have reasons to believe that even if he was somehow coerced he probably was made to feel like he had some negotiation power too) and honestly I guess I felt more adamant to defend him bc i saw how much he tried to fight the tide and separate himself from all of that ( the wv live in the airport, these insta pic changes being the last example etc and seeing ppl disrespecting his agency and his right to state himself his own truth really pissed off me a lot ) but I started to think these last days what's the point in him doing all of that when he agreed to do that walk and he must know what would happen otherwise why did he even agreed, what is he even fighting himself doing little things to separate himself from being associated to this person when he will forever be associated,for the gp and fandom itself and as you said once this will be in the historial of his live forever? By doing all of that it's like he made us, the fans who cared for him and were paying attention to him fr want to defend him too and literally fight air because there is nothing to defend when he did that walk, when the purpose of that walk being met. I'm not saying he did any of that with the purpose of having fans fighting on his name at all, I don't think so but that's what happened, I guess I'm feeling disappointed these days bc i see no need for him to even fight against all of this when this issues reached the levels it did when he chose to do the walk. I'm also disappointed bc i think anything he might do that would have been considered brave and important about his identity before loses weight completely now, him smooching jk's cheek on the party and uploading it, him being bold etc bc no one but a small group of ppl considered delusional by everyone will see this for what it is. He can do a lot now only bc no one it's going to take him/it seriously.

I used to be pissed by Holland behavior that one time but I even kinda can get the frustration now. Tae is safe or at least has reduced the risk at a minimum now to do whatever bc everyone thinks he dates women. And some ppl be crowing him as an LGBT icon when some other idols have actually exposed themselves honestly to a lot more without any security plan to fall back into. And that actually feels like being brave and doing something. Not making everyone who supports you look like a delusional clown and make the thought of you being queer laughable to most ppl. Moonbyul being a pretty good example of someone who has been direct and brave.

Im sorry I really needed to vent, I have loved Tae for a lot of time ( not that i dont love him now but sometimes i cant shake the disappointment and the distaste of not being able to enjoy his content without seeing him being constantly related to ppl I don't like at all) and I'm open to anyone making me feel different about this situation

Hi anon!

Let me give you my perspective on this and maybe that will make you see things differently as well.

Tae is moving within certain boundaries. It is most likely that there are actual clauses in his contract that tell him what he can and cannot share publicly. That goes beyond plain saying that he is queer. That also goes for the level of queerness he can show through art and media. Basically I feel he is able to show queer media and art, but not adress it as such. Going beyond that would probably mean he’d be breaching his contract, which could lead to monetary penalties… and when it goes too far he could be kicked out of BTS (not that I think it would ever go that far). I think it’s possible that with this new contract, things have become more loose though. BH/Hybe doesn’t want to lose Tae, because he is one of the most popular members and losing any member would look bad. So I think there was some leverage there.

In my opinion it should not be underestimated how bad things still are for queer people in SK. Artists loose their careers over it stil. People like Holland are absolutely very brave and I hope within time there will be more and more like him. But you cannot compare one person’s choices with that of another’s. I think Tae possibly discovered his sexuality when he was already under contract with BH.. that would mean he had the choice to either hide, or to break his contract… leave BTS… and be left with a shitload of debt (because you don’t simply leave a contract). He would have no perspective of any career after that.. losing all his dreams and all chances of having any influence at all. It is an impossible choice maybe.. or maybe not.. I don’t know. Has he chosen to leave BH would his life have been easier, better? He would still have had to deal with severe homophobia. So I don’t think Tae had much options but to hide in the first case. It is not something he chose.. it was basically decided for him. Contracts are no fun anon, they basically chain them to the company in many many ways. I don’t think Tae ever had the option to be as open as Holland. And I think that is something he struggled with greatly. So if that walk was something he agreed to just because it would give him some more room to be authentic, I am absolutely not holding that against him. It doesn’t make him bad or whatever, it makes him someone who needs a bit of room to breathe.

In general I don’t feel Tae owes us much. Speaking for myself, I am here completely voluntarily and completely aware of forever being shit on by the rest of fandom. I’m of the opinion that both Tae and Jk aren’t actually fighting to be out and open.. so that probably makes my perspective on this different than yours. I think they’re just trying to live their lives and what we see of them is just stuff we pick up on.. because we pay attention. I always see myself as a bystander and not a participant in this. But.. that’s just me ofcourse.

So how did we end up here; Tae doing a walk with Jennie. Looking at it from a practical side, it was only one walk.. half an hour tops. If we assume he did agree to it and he wasn’t actually forced all the way, for him that was probably doable, and if he traded that for more freedom to be authentic.. to insert more queerness in his work (which is eventually what people will remember him by), then I think the trade probably looked worth it. Ultimately it wasn’t a fair choice ofcourse, because trading anything for freedom to be yourself is insane.. freedom should always be yours. But I do think the company possibly sold it that way.. and being used to having no freedom for years, maybe to Tae it did seem like a chance. It is ofcourse also possible they made him do this, but it’s not something I’m leaning towards personally.

It is not something Tae would’ve done/come up with himself. Tae didn’t go “yeah, I want to do a papwalk with Jennie for fame and attention”… people are right when they say he didn’t need that. He was not enthusiastic. And I think he was very over it all soon after.

The way I see it.. is that possibly Tae gave away a small part of himself to do something he felt is necessary in a broader way. His new mv is so important! To have such graphic display of queerness is so important! Especially from someone as famous as Tae. Imagine all the young queer fans he has seeing that! Tae knows what kind of influence he has. He has probably missed seeing representation like that himself when he was younger. I think this is what matters to him most and personally I just applaud him for that. Taennie will be nothing but a blimp on our radar in a few years, but his songs and mv’s… I think those will have an actual impact on many lives.

[marinetteplztakeabreak]

My personal “screaming about the lack of Ladynoir in the finale” post TM

Don’t know how to preface this???

this isn’t hate for the finale,

this is more, me reveling in the Angst of what they Chose Not To Put and screaming and wailing about how ladynoir has me in a chokehold

Im coming to terms with the s5 finale and finding bits of hope for my Ladynoir heart, etc. And i have decided that the finale has a ton of very very cool potential.

But i still can’t stop imagining… what if Adrien had gotten the messages from Ladybug??? What if he was About to give up being Chat Noir and give in to hopelessness and nightmares and terror and the cage he was trapped in and THEN (probably via Plagg, they could make it work) he got the frantic terrified messages from ladybug that were like “hi where ARE you?!?!?! Kitty cat come in NOW i NEED YOU!!?!? Hawkmoth knows my identity i think i am going to die i am all alone please please please show up i need you pick up pick UP.”

What if he was like. “Oh.” And his world just. Shifted. He thought his worst fear was ending the world as chat or being trapped even further by transforming in front of his father and being Caught but now Neither of those matter… now the only fear is just… not being Enough for ladybug… the fear of losing her or letting her down or making her feel as alone and abandoned and hopeless as he does right now????

What if he just????? Transformed without a moment of hesitation??? What if he was there taking to her on the phone coaching her through breathing and telling her he promised she would be okay and he promised he would be proud of her no matter what happened???? What if his own nightmares and fears started slipping through on the call and SHE turned around and reassured HIM that she trusts him fully and if he can’t trust himself he can at least trust HER judgement????? What if they both managed to avoid the mind control by being Each Others’ alliance?????

What if Ladybug found out that Chat Noir was in London ,,, because if Her identity’s been revealed to Monarch and she’s In His House than it’s Already going to hell and secrets don’t matter anymore, it just matters that they trust each other??? All they ever WANTED was to be open and trust and now its all they have left??? And theres not identity reveal or speculation bc it doesnt MATTER right now it just matters to SURVIVE or at LEAST be together for the end.

What if she told him not to come to Paris because it’s too dangerous to be in the same spot and he was like “im so sorry but i Cannot do that i cant leave you there Alone” and she was like “i know. and i love you. And id do the same. And that’s also why i cant tell you who monarch is or where the house is because i KNOW you’ll come here and i cant stop you. We cant both be in his grasp i just need you on the phone”

What if she fought in the basement for her life while getting support from him whilst he rallied all the other heroes and the resistance across the surface of paris???? What if we had ladybug and chat noir fighting the same battle on two different fronts, both Very Aware of each others’ situation nonstop,,, working as a Team despite the distance????? What if chat was just nonstop doing everything he could to reassure ladybug that they were doing okay and everyone supported her and he Trusted Her to do anything because the nightmares were STILL debilitating for everyone including them and they couldnt afford for either of them to get akumatized or even DISTRACTED and they just told puns and reminded each other when to use their powers and when to breathe?????

And chat could be captured or whatever and have to call out to ladybug and she could be like “send me your kwami its okay you did so good, i’ll be okay ill see you again”

Bug noire could still happen but it would be a strategic choice BOTH of them made TOGETHER with pain and love mixed together rather than the result of major decisions that they both were forced to make Independantly with no communication only fear and guilt and lonliness???

I dont know how to explain this but this is not salt this is not hate towards the episode this is just,,,, UGH this show has made me SO INVESTED in the dynamics and they had a CHANCE to do stuff and make it so fun and they DIDNT ,,,, they CHOSE to make it darker and grittier this time and i think it’s probably going in a cool direction,,, i think that ladybug and chat noir are gonna have some Fun (for me not for them) things to Discuss after this and some brand new abandonment issues combined with weird bits of Hope that Apparently they can survive on their own, all in a messy weird blurry pool of fears and relief and guilt and lonliness!!!!! And there’s so much to explore

But ALSO i miss my ladynoir goddammit i miss when it was the ladybug and chat noir show and i feel a little bit hollow seeing how ALONE!!! BOTH OF THEM were!!! this entire finale!!!!!!!!! Why are they ALONE those are my LADYNOIR they are PARTNERS do not SEPARATE THEM!!!! Stop doing PLOTS and HARD DECISIONS and IN CHARACTER MISTAKES to them and PLEASE just let them be perfect and together anyways aaaaaaaaa

(Bonus u can read the absolute essay i accidentally put in my tags for more scrambled thoughts)