#and i always have room to grow
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2014 pie: (virgin) unwilling to learn how to use digital art programs bc too frustrating, self defeating, "i'll never be as good as my idols", "i can never make good art bc i'm too stupid/ADHD", doesn't improve bc doesn't fucking draw, refuses to draw erotic art due to religious shame stranglehold, generally depressing as all get out, unemployed bc never tries
2024 pie: (chad) slows down and listens to instruction, muscles through the frustrations of the unfamiliar and the learning processes, believes in self, has amazing husband to guide and lift them, reminds her to practice and encourages me to be productive instead of rotting, can now draw porn proudly and without shame, now draws things that would have made 2014 pie Insane (positive), is also extremely cute and extremely employed
#slice of pie#that's growth cunts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#learning to love myself and you know what fake it till you make it is legit as fuck#because i actually am cute and funny and smart and good at art#and i always have room to grow#IMPERFECTION IS THE HUMAN CONDITION BABES#IMPERFECTION IS WHAT MAKES ROOM FOR GROWTH#YOU ARE NEVER DONE GROWING
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With the end of season two comes a second redraw!
[Nov 2022] [June 2023] [June 2024]
#better drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#I was really looking forwards to this redraw - though the jump in skill isn't as dramatic as the last one I still am proud of my progress!#It's really incredible to look back on this last year and how much has happened since then.#Both in my personal life and this blog.#I started the second season while I was going through some pretty rough times and it truly kept my sanity afloat.#I challenged myself a lot more this year! And while it didn't always turn out the way I hoped-#-being messy and earnestly trying to do something different has been my favourite part of art.#There will always be a lot of room to grow - I don't think art and creativity has a ceiling.#I went from doubting that I was even an artist to joining a gamedev team as the lead artist! That's character growth!#Thank you all once again for joining me on this journey B*)#Thank you for all the messages and support you have sent my way these last 18 months.#I'm so happy to have been given the chance to create something for this community. You've given me so much and I am so grateful.#I'll take a little break to post some personal project stuff this week and resume season three after that!#Onwards to another season of silly (and sometimes serious) comics!
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As Good as Good Gets (DP X DC Snippet)
Richard "Dick" Grayson is the golden child. In the eyes of the public, and in the eyes of the league. Dick is a sweet, caring son, a man who went from being a sidekick to being a hero. The pipeline from Robin to Nightwing had many people applauding his dedication to keeping Gotham safe.
No one knew the full story, not truly. No one but Bruce Wayne himself. And maybe a certain butler. Many don't know that Dick only became Robin to stop him from hunting down and killing the man who killed his parents.
No one really knows about the harsh fights and arguments he has had with Bruce. The times when Dick would find himself cut off from the Wayne name for a week or so. No one knows that the first person Dick warmed up to was Alfred. Having been bribed with cookies.
Things weren't always this good, trusting, happy relationship between Bruce and Dick. It had been a rough ride, a complicated one. But that was okay, because it got better.
Dick stopped being so moody and angsty. He grew up, he learned, and he changed. He became an older brother, found people that needed him. Needed him in a way that the citizens of Gotham didn't need him.
His brothers like to call him annoying. A goody two shoes who Bruce trusted more than everyone else. They couldn't fathom how someone like Dick could be so stupid and bubbly at all times.
All times, except when shit hits the fans. Despite the name calling, despite coining Dick as the stupid Wayne. They all knew better. They knew that when it mattered, Dick Grayson always pulled through. He was a force to be reckoned with when needed.
The whole Wayne family was a force to be reckoned with when called for. It didn't have to be under the guise of costumes and vigilante acts. Whether he was Officer Grayson or Nightwing, Dick was a man with his morals and values.
One night on patrol as Officer Grayson, Dick found someone who needed that force. A force willing to protect and care for the innocent. The hurt. The damaged, yet still good.
It started like any other night. A call of shots fired by an empty warehouse. There was no sighting or knowledge of any rouges being there, so Dick took the call. Told the team he'll contact them if it seems more than just a civilian incident.
The warehouse was dark, reeked of copper and oil. It didn't take long for Dick to find the trail. The liquid he found looked like the person had been dragged before walking. There was a clear struggle, even with the mess and emptiness that was the warehouse.
That wasn't Dick's biggest concern. The concern lay in just how much blood there was. Too much for any normal person to lose and still manage to stumble through the warehouse.
It wasn't just blood. It wasn't that much, but Dick could spot the strangeness in the liquid. The mixed in green that had an eerily similar color and glow as a certain pit.
Without thinking, Dick followed the trail. Barely remembering to make contact with his family. Give them an update on what he found. Words telling him to stay put for backup went in one ear and out the other.
Something in Dick's gut was telling him he couldn't wait. He needed to find the source. Whoever was currently bleeding out in this warehouse. He silenced the comm, moving further through the dimly lit building.
Then Dick found it. Or more so, he found him. It was just a boy. A boy that reminded Dick too much of the youngest Wayne. A boy sat against a wall, looking pale and weak.
Red and green coated the front of the boy's shirt, arms wrapped tightly around his middle. An attempt to stem the bleeding. A puddle had already started to form beneath the boy, and Dick moved without thinking once again.
He quickly found himself kneeling beside the boy, hands carefully reaching out. Before Dick even touched him, the boy flinched. Eyelids suddenly opened, wide and terrified blue eyes landed on Dick's.
In just that one look, Dick knew what he had to do. The haunting, terrified, and pained look in the boy's eyes told Dick everything he needed to know. The boy was in danger. Someone had hurt this kid, and it was clear it wasn't the first time.
The boy struggled weakly against Dick's touch, terrified whimpers, and barely coherent pleas spilled from the kid's lips. It had Dick's heart aching, clear as day the poor kid has been through hell and back.
It took a lot of reassurance, gentle touches, and promises of help before the kid let Dick take a look at the bleeding wound. A promise on Dick's soul had been the final thing that earned him any semblance of trust. A strange promise, but Dick was willing to make it.
That concern turned to pure anger the moment Dick managed to pull the sticky shirt away from the wound. The sight of a Y-incision cut perfectly into the skin, stitches tight on the skin, but blood still leaking heavily from the wound.
It didn't take long for Dick to realize why. Despite the perfect surgical care of the wound, a good couple of stitches had broken. Leaving gaping spots for that red and green liquid to pour out of.
The boy was deathly silent, tears streaking down his cheek as wide blue eyes stayed trained on Dick. In that moment, Dick knew he had to help. Had to get the kid to safety, patch him up, and find out what kind of monster would do this.
It didn't matter if the kid was human or not. It didn't matter if the kid had special abilities or not. No one, absolutely no one, deserved to be vivisected.
The kid was shrouded in mystery, but that mystery only seemed to grow and become clearer when Bruce had entered the scene. The boy had tensed, eyes flashing a bright glowing green.
Lazarus pit green.
It set a pit of dread in Dick's gut. His mind brings forward memories of Jason. Jason, after his revival, after his dip in that cursed pit. The same flash that his brother would get if he got too angry. Too emotional.
As much as Dick wanted to focus on finding who did this, if it had any connection to Ra's al Ghul. He couldn't. Not when the kid tried to get up, to pull away as Bruce and the others made their way closer.
Right now, Dick only cared about making sure the boy was okay. Fixing those stitches, getting him a meal, and a warm bed.
He needed to get this kid someplace where he felt safe and secure. Comfortable and protected. Dick wasn't sure why. Maybe it was the promise he had made, but he wasn't letting anyone get to the kid.
That included his family. As strange as it seemed, Dick put himself between the others and the kid. Shooting them all a glare that they had only ever seen a handful of times.
Dick lifted the poor boy up in his arms, cradling the crying child close as he led the way out of the warehouse. Ignoring the questions or confusion coming from Bruce and the others. As Dick walked, feeling the trembling boy clinging to him, he made a rather obvious realization.
Maybe the eldest son really was more like Bruce than he expected. Just a few short moments the the boy, a boy that Dick didn't know his name, and he was ready to pull out adoption papers. To give the boy a safety he so desperately needs.
Give him the chance that Bruce had given him all those years ago.
#danny phantom#danny fenton#phandom#dc x dp#batman#dick grayson#nightwing#dp x dc crossover#dp x dc#dp x dc prompt#Dick really saw Danny and pulled a B99#“I've only known this boy for 10 minutes and if anything happens to him I'm killing everyone in this room and then myself”#bruce wayne#could easily mix in Ellie and Dan#after all Dick Grayson's gaggle of adopted kids is bound to grow#the others think they're free from the adoption impulse since Dick is picking up the mantel#not exactly for this idea; but I have these little idea of what the batfam adopts from the DP universe#like Damian latches onto the more animalistic characters; immediately falls in love with Cujo#wants to get to know everything about Wulf and Frostbite#meanwhile Jason latches onto Skulker because holy shit look at that arsenal; the two just sharing their best tips and weaponry choices#No explainations for the next onces cause I don't feel like typing em all out but...#Barbs with Technus and Ghost Writer#Tim with Johnny 13 and Nocturne#Alfred with Lunch Lady and Overgrowth#I could seriously go on and on and no I will not explain myself#(maybe)#queued post#every time I post one of these I'm always wondering where and how tf I picked the name#like I've got a draft right now called “Bullets & Babies” smh#picking out names are so hard but I got tired of just putting “DpxDc random snippet/prompt” as the titles lmao
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I think I'm in the "conscious incompetence" stage of being a social animal in the real world and it sucks so majorly. bro what do you do after you realize you're bad at socializing and then in-person interaction gets harder because you know you're failing at it now.
#Robin processes emotions on main#I WANT to get good at socializing#I used to be better and I'm now worse >:[#in some ways. in some ways I've improved (e.g. am kinder). but I used to have more confidence and an easier time staying present#now I'm always shutting down and running away#literally I leave the room and go calm down in my room#I want to learn to regulate that impulse and become a chill person to hang out with. but How#I've been struggling lately with punishing myself for running away (not physically but with like. spirals of self-recrimination)#I think one good step would be to get mindful about praising myself for small steps again. I'll change faster if im kinder to myself#also I think seeking reassurance from the people I'm around more often even if it seems silly would be good#ALSO. a major problem I'm facing is that I am living with my parents. and my little sisters. and I don't... I... it's rough.#I used to parent my 15 (then 9) y/o little sister when my parents were gone and I still struggle with feeling Responsible For Her#so every time she's a little cringe I end up feeling like it's my fault and I'm gonna be punished for it and I don't know how to deal with#—how to deal with it#BIG SIGH#I'm TRYING to become a good adult who can help others rather than just living in desperate self-defensive survival mode forever#but it's so hard bro#and another issue is that I'm growing further and further apart from my parents' fundamentalist brand of Christianity#and feeling more and more incapable of making friends and bringing them to visit me. because I have to be perfect around my parents#how can I make friends if I can't offer them hospitality??#how can I be a fully realized adult if I have to hide in plain sight??#I need to move out so bad. even if I'm lonely at first I HAVE to move out#in related news my seasonal job is Over and I'm looking for full-time work! please pray for me if you're the praying type or just#send me encouraging words#that would help#<33333 I will be ok it's just a bad situation rn
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the whole “all cis men are bad and therefore all women are perfect and can do no wrong” (regardless of a persons actual beliefs or actions) ideology that i keep seeing in queer spaces is extremely toxic and unhealthy--especially coming from a community that generally criticizes gender and it’s accompanied stereotypes
and also all this does is refuse to acknowledge that abuse CAN and DOES happen in lgbtq relationships, the only difference is that by refusing to talk about it, people don’t know how to identify it, because no. abuse only comes at the hands of cishet men to cishet women right? but ignoring that something is happening is never a progressive way to address it.
and its wild that a community that can agree that gender is a societal construct will also use gender stereotypes to suppress people WITHIN their own community, even when it means being transphobic and biphobic
#queerness equating to literal “girlboss feminism” is gonna be my last straw with this site#i mean this goes into a larger issue but like#-that lgbt spaces are generally just less supportive of bisexual women#but rlly you would think gender WOULDNT matter but yet i still constantly see queer ppl making insane generalizations about others bc of it#its bordering on terf territory and its just. so wild to me#this whole idea is so harmful to like. literally everyone here#like u guys ARE aware the women are not perfect and still always have room to grow right??#being afab is not like. a moral higher ground?#tw discourse#sky.txt
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Thoughts b4 bed, this...got ridiculously long..SKIP TOWARDS THE END for my Peri and Dev idea I'd like to personally see if you don't care about my godparenting ramble. 💖 (I marked it with a star for easy spotting.)
Godparenting is self harm (in certain situations). You CANNOT pair a fairy, who has basic empathy, with a child who is being neglected and/or abused, and expect them to NOT get attached or to love them.
Cosmo and Wanda loved Timmy. They were his parents!!
Juandissimo loved Remy. He couldn't move on from him.
It's also horrible for the kids when they get a fairy who doesn't develop that parental/guardian relationship.
Peri failed Dev because he remained distant and overly professional. (I'm not saying he didn't care, that's a whole other debate. I'm just saying he was not what Dev needed. Dev needed a Cosmo, Wanda, or Juandissimo.)
I'm sure other fairies failed kids in similar situations, maybe even worse, because they didn't want to fall into that emotional trap. It's BEYOND hard not to. You would have to be extremely hardened, dissociated, or heartless in order to do that.
At least the kids get to forget their failed experience.
Fairies have to remember. They have to remember for the rest of their lives that they either:
A) Got bonded with a kid and had to say goodbye, a type of goodbye that's honestly like a funeral. You will never see each other again (except in passing. But you can't contact them.) The loss and yearning would be too much for anyone.
B) Have to remember that they couldn't bond with the kid and thus failed them. They failed that neglected/abused child. That child had to grow up with their abuse without any escapism because you had to remain professional and throw away your whimsy. I'm CONVINCED Peri is NOT the only fairy to be annoying about "da rules". I'm actually pretty sure that's the NORM because of how all the fairies reacted to Cosmo and Wanda with Timmy.
Going into fairy godparenting, knowing that you could come out with either outcome, is self harm to me, (SH is doing anything that you KNOW will hurt you physically or emotionally, it can be any number of things! JS this here because people have a VERY narrow view about what counts as SH!) and really makes me overthink about like...
Fairy mental health? How does fairy therapy look like for these situations? I kind of envision it similar to ppl IRL who work with abused kids need therapy, yet they keep going. They keep moving on and helping kids (or doing their best to).
⭐️All this to say my idea for Peri and Dev:
I would love for Peri to learn from his situation with Dev and why it didn't work. I know ppl want them to get back together asap, but tbh I think a slow burn would work best, for Peri's mental health. I think Peri should shadow his parents and Hazel for a bit, and learn/see how they do things, including how they interact with kids. I think Peri needs some self reflection first.
My idea is this:
Peri shadows his parents for awhile and does some self reflection. While he shadows his parents, he watches Dev from afar. Not like, intently like some ppl HC, just in passing. Like Dev will interact with Hazel and Peri will make passing remarks like "he's a good kid", (if him and Hazel are getting along) or "oh, Dev.." (if he does smth rude to Hazel)
Eventually, smth happens to Dev that finally seals it for Peri, he has already been meditating on everything for awhile, but whatever happens to Dev is the final straw. (I wonder what happens??) And he gets permission to be Devs godparent again and then bursts in to save Dev!
(this would all happen maybe thruout the whole season, and this event would happen at the ending of S2? Ik ppl would be impatient for that, but!! I think it would work best AND be a rlly satisfying season conclusion!!) and a rlly good start for S3 (iiiif we got all that lmao, I'm being VERY hopeful that we get at least 3-4 seasons! which I shouldn't when S2 is still up in the air lol. oh well. I can dream.)
Uuuh. Yeah. IDk just some thoughts I've had. Sorry this was so long. If you read it then wow! I'm shocked haha. 💖 (bonus points if u read the tags hahaha)
goodnight. 💖💖
#dont feel obligated to read i just have brainworms#fop a new wish#dev dimmadome#fop anw#fop peri#fairly oddparents#personal#long#biiiig ramble#i want them to be happy!!! but i rlly think a lot needs to happen FIRST#im impatient too dw but letting peri ruminate needs to happen#i love peri but he just did not do a good job#and ik its prolly bc he didnt wanna get attached#maybe bc of timmy seperation#or bc he was always held in high standards and didnt wanna dissapoint everyone#either way he was not good imho#which tbh is good!!#it makes him complex and gives him room to grow for later eps!!!#makes things more interesting and makes a lotta fun possibilites!!#but yeah#blablabla
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Lol
#theres nothing quite like your mother saying Well maybe you shouldve been more careful because now your boss might think youve been flirting#with this male coworker (whom i like splendidly as a friend) and now maybe she thinks youre not trustworthy#and maybe she regrets hiring you because you said you feel like youre making a lot of mistakes this week and she might assume thats because#your head is filled with this boy.#so dont make her regret hiring you.#MA'AM I TOLD YOU I WAS ALREADY ANXIOUS BECAUSE I MADE SO MANY MISTAKES TODAY WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME ASHAMED#OF SOMETHING THAT I HONESTLY HAD NO CLUE I OUGHT TO BE ANXIOUS ABOUT AT MY FIRST NEW JOB AFTER IVE GRADUATED????#anyway going to bed i cant take this anymore LOL she said it so lightly and im like. well i never even considered#being afraid of making my boss regret hiring me somehow because of some kind of behaviour that i had no idea was sending some kind of signal#anywaysssss 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#and then she was like why are you crying?? 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#not to be like this is partly why i didnt want to move home but confound it all why are things like this#can i not simply confide in my mother my anxieties and worriws#worries#and not also have to worry about her potentially being like Well have you considered you ARE right and it IS your fault?#idk man something something firstborn child eldest daughter can i have some room to breathe. please#also not to whine but Not my father walking in on me eating dinner at 10pm because i was holed up#in my room in a semi depressive state after so many gong shows in a work day and straight up having no appetite#but deciding my body needs the food anyway its better late than never.....walking in and then saying#you know if you eat this late you'll gain weight. SIR??????????????????#sorry to complain and rant again i simply cannot in this house and whats more am doing my best to honour my parents#but why is it so hard out here and how can they say stuff like that with a smile!!!!!!!#also i DO have an inner critic who is always like Its your fault you are the worst you should be ashamed always........why do my parents#not understand after knowing me for so long and watching me grow up#that i can make myself so ashamed of the smallest thing so easily and that what they say drives me to shame almost as easily?#ANYWAY LOL WHAT A DAY#you guys!!! i am working so hard i promise i PROMISE I am!!! it is my first full time job ever and i am working so so hard#i am doing my absolute best and no one sees it and that is FINE i just wish my parents would see that i AM trying!!#i come back home so dead every single day because i put in 120%! this is literally my first job after graduation#and my parents KNOW this has been the most exhausting taxing and soul crushing year ive had in my very short life so far
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the fact that eddie and maddie have never interacted outside a group setting is so funny actually. you cannot tell me those two wouldnt get on like a house on fire. i fear the day we get a solo maddie and eddie scene is the day we get buddie canon
#like. those two have had such similar experiences#being forced to grow up at a young age#complicated feelings about their dead spouses (ik d**g was VERY different from shannon but im just going off what maddie canonically said)#struggles with how good of parents they are#running away from their families as a way of doing what is “best” for the family#like. they have so many shared experiences#their lives have been running parallel and theyve never really intersected and realized just how similar they are#but if maddie han was alone in a room with eddie shed get him to confess his feelings for buck in like 15 minutes flat#hed ask about jee and maddie would be like. shes great. shes having a wonderful day with her dad and uncle buck.#and eddie would be all yeah. chris is probably having the time of his life with buck and uncle chim. and jee ofc chris adores that kid.#uncle chim? shed saying stirring her coffee#and eddie would be like yeah??? hes bucks brother in law? doesnt that make him chris's uncle?#oh. i didnt realize. so buck is like a parent to chris?#well yeah bucks been there since. since we met him. you know how he is. bucks great. always shows up. he shows up the way a parent should s#hmmmmm. yeah. i thought so too eddie. he really has a soft spot for chris. ive never seen him like that for any other kid.#hes like that for jee. eddie says#its different. buck is a great uncle and loves jee but hes her uncle. hes not attending pta meetings for her or signing her up for camps#though. maddie laughs. he probably would if we asked him to.#yeah. eddie would agree with a fond smile. and maddie would narrow her eyes at the dreamy little look on eddies face as he stirs in creamer#so. if buck is like a parent to chris. what does that make him to you?#and eddie would blink and be like. well. hes. hes buck. you know. hes my best friend.#yeah. but the person i want to attend pta meetings with and to look through summer camp posting with is howie. my husband. my best friend#and eddie would just. well thats. thats different. you guys are married. ofc you do that stuff together#we were doing this stuff together before we got married. we had a life together. a family together before we were married#shed take one look at eddies wide eyes and be like. someone once told howie that if he loved me he should tell me and it was the best piece#of advice anyone couldve given us when we were dancing around each other. so im passing your advice back to you. if you love him tell him#and then yayyyyyy we get eddie choosing buck and buck being chosen and yay everyone is happy and everyone wins#(especially maddie since she doesnt have to deal with these oblivious idiots anymore)#me thinks
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going to be seeing my dad for the first time in a couple years and he made a list of records he had left with me 10 years ago when he moved that he wants to take back with him, and looking at the list I’m kind of crushed ngl lol
#mostly because he wants some of the zeppelin records back and i’ve had those in my room since i was like 15#not to be dramatic but i have almost no relationship with him and these records are one of the things that always made me#think fondly of him despite that. like he’s where i got my love of music from and it was the main way we enjoyed each other’s company when#i was growing up. so to swing by for the first time in years & take back my favorites kind of stings#i feel so silly sitting here on my break getting teary because of this 😑#anyway. the world if i could figure out how to say this to him & he was actually receptive to it lmfao 🐬🌈💫
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#I would say some of my peers pushed the cooties narrative but my parents discouraged it#so I never thought of boys as being gross or having transmissible microbes#and I was always raised to value romance so I I don’t think I ever noticed a shift in my attitude towards the male sex#however I was somewhat (okay Very) bitter when suddenly it was inappropriate for me to be alone in a room with my male friend#but that bitterness had nothing to do with my own feelings towards guys#(and I truly think it was unavoidable. it’s part of growing up.#you can’t know why it’s inappropriate unless you also know all the lurid things two teens can get up to alone.)#(perhaps the suddenness of the change can be mitigated but the sadness can’t)#anyways I’ve always wondered about this shift everyone talks about that happens around middle school#because I remember feeling quite glad and natural in it. though I always was an aspiring adult)
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Late Night quick thing (New Age Sillies)
Bad news: That joke post about including Reset + Orchid is definitely not canon. (I legit got sad thinking about Reset being in a universe where Orchid isn't- because their stories are so so intertwined- but Nightmare 100% would NOT risk the whole twins exploding Error's soul thing.)
Good news: This means I COULD include Kane (Reset's older brother who usually dies in timelines where Reset is born) and use it to develope his character a bit more! Also! Perhaps a Blue × Dream kiddo is finally in the stars for me to design?
#new age au#really enjoying the idea of Reaper + Geno having an heir at some point (and them sending that heir over to Night's kingdom for#exposure to other places as well as to hang with his third cool knight dad who's hard at work 🙏)#Kane has little to no development besides being a perfect angel (foil to Reset's eventual turn to poor choices) so I'd love to do#to him what I do to every oc of mine. (Namely: Throw them into the Kingdom and see what they do.)#oh! and I could see Blue and Dream (beloved boys) listening to the warnings of possible complications if they try to have a lil babybones#and Dream deciding he'd take the risk and carry the growing soul#(<- though tbf this is MANY years into the future and they'd be well established knights of the realm)#i'm not evil so they *would* manage to avoid the twins curse and have a singular beautiful babybones#they'd get raised partially on the move but stay behind with Night and Error if the two had a more dangerous mission#and grow up to be an obnoxiously powerful warrior following after their dads#(but they'd probably be hesitant to follow into the footsteps of being a knight and might go on a quest with friends before choosing a#final path for themselves)#<- Most spoiled rotten kid ever. courtesy of Nightmare and Error and all their extended family <3#oh last note. Ancha has me cracking up w/ ideas for Cross potentially meeting someone and I was beamed w/ an old ship request post I saw and#I think it'd be funny to include Lust in here somehow... (probably call him smth else as a nickname but y'know-)#like. He works in the city around the castle as some sort of... idk tailor? and he's been making things for Nightmare for years without#knowing because Ccino always was discreet about the orders and providing measurements + always tipped well so it was none of his business#but one day it's like. before a big announcement ceremony or smth and Ccino drags Cross in by the scruff because no one can get him to get#clothes that actually fit aside from armor (hc he steals the others clothes a lot and wears 1 shirt until it's threadbare)#so Ccino makes him go to Lust and Lust is able to get him fitted for sone new outfits because. well. Lust doesn't do much but he's very very#handsome and Cross is super easily flustered and shy around new people and he's awkward and aughhh.#and then he thinks about the interaction for the next month before deciding he's going to ask Ccino to go back there again.#and Lust likes dressing Cross up in new outfits (everyone thinks it's great Cross is loosening up and meeting new friends cuz Lust introduce#s him to people in town) and it takes forever for Cross to get over his worries and ask Lust out to a ride on his horse (romantic. of course#) and Lust agrees because he's charmed.#and the best part would be Cross *actually* manages to keep it a secret. like. no one finds out until one morning Killer bursts into Cross'#room to wake him for surprise training and it's Cross. the weird Dog. and- holy shit did Cross have someone over???#Cross pulls the cool ones frfr 🙏#it's just a casual thing between them with little plot relevance or drama I think. just a chill lil relationship 🙏
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...am I just losing my mind or did yer icon become evil? I don't remember that BeAst behind Boe
yuuuump always been behind me
#ask#anon#pazuzu's just been there since the beginning#mainly because my avatar use to be of 2D in front of the d-sides album cover. or atleast one of the covers#and i had a lot of transparent edits of 2D over that cover#but when i had Boe made. i put him over it instead and i just kinda kept it like that cause i thought the colours together were really nice#as for the blurry swirls. i just like doing simple effects in paintdotnet#i don't really imagine them as much besides the blurriness of the minds eye. like this is how you'd see the inside of my brain maybe.#or not really my brain. boes minds eye maybe.#i don't know if i have a ''lore explanation'' for pazuzu in Boe's life in limbo/hell#or specifically in relation to Boe i mean#i'd still like to actually visualize what limbo looks like. or specifically the area in limbo in which Boe lives#which is just an old manor in the middle of nowhere. with old computer crts and keyboards in the mud of his back yard#dark purplish skies with maybe blueish roaming fields with no horizon#i do have a map file of me trying to create what i imagine to be Boes house but i've only blocked out his porch#i've got a loose idea of what the layout of his house's interior is like but nothing solid honestly#the reason he lives in an old manor is due to mystery case files: ravenhearst. inspiration-wise#use to play that growing up from bigfishgames. fucking love the look of that manor and the intense mess that resides within#i think i also think about the Gorillaz' o green world phase where they had kong studio's absolutely trashed with junk and shit#did actually buy MCF Ravenhearst the other day actually. specifically for higher res ref images of rooms#played a little of it the other day but i was so tired for most of that day so i didnt play for long#anyway. thank you for the ask anon :) yeah he's always been there. pazuzu kinda just blends into the background i think
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They should invent a losing/forgetting things because you have a disorder that makes you lose/forget things that doesn't make me feel so guilty and frustrated I want to cry
#i was so so so SO careful to remember to pack my new pill case i bought specifically for this trip#and i lost the ENTIRE FUCKING PILL CASE. WITH ALL THE PILLS IN IT.#it is GONE.#i dumped out my entire bag and even shook out the clothes to make sure it wasn't lodged in an armhole or something#i was so careful to create a system in which i would remember to take my fucking meds.#i bought a special pill case. i downloaded an app#i KNOW i had it in my purse when i left the house#it's so fucking unfair!! i try so so so SO GODDMAN HARD AND I ALWAYS FAIL ANYWAY#I'm 31 and im alone in my hotel room and I'm going to fucking cry over a plastic case that cost me a dollar.#I'm just so tired of having a broken brain and I'm sick of forgetting things and losing things and trying so hard for nothing#and the only way to fix it is guess what?? remembering to take a goddamn pill#I'll be fine in like an hour i just need a good cry#but i shouldn't have to cry over something so fucking stupid over and over and over again#.....#i need to have more grace for my mistakes than the adults in my life did while i was growing up
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Blanche's grandma's place is the only place she felt consistently loved in... no I'm fine. I'm fine
#the IMPLICATIONS#i completely forgot about that line#room 7 makes me lose my mind in general but ohhh my god#OH my god#i'm#yeah no i'm fine#i have so many feelings about this i can't even put them into words#idk but she speaks about that place with so so much nostalgia#we see blanche in a way we've never seen her with anyone from her past#she didn't look even remotely as happy or peaceful (or nostalgic!) when she visited her childhood home#but when she's in her grandma's old home? she calls it her family home#she talks about it like *that's* the place she grew up in#because apparently it was the only place she was always sure she could be loved#so i guess it might not have been the only place she grew up in#but it sure sounds like it was the one place she was allowed to be herself in and still be loved unconditionally#without competing for anyone's attention#ohh blanche ;-;#i teared up when she held that windchime and smiled right before finally leaving that house#that was *such* a powerful moment ;-;#anyway#uh#i guess i'll just go and stare at a wall or something now#the golden girls#blanche devereaux#adding on to this to say that maybe it really was the only place she grew up in#because to grow up i'd say you need an environment where you can at least somewhat freely explore your identity#without feeling a constant need to be the best/cutest/prettiest sister to get your parents' love and approval#it sounds like blanche grew older in her childhood home#and she got the chance to *grow up* with her grandma#(i knoooow i'm reading too much into this but i can't stop thinking about this episode)
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it should be illegal to feel like this on your birthday
#i really loved my morning i got such nice gifts from my mom#and it was nice to just have a morning off#but that was honestly the worst class i’ve ever been in#i was trying to talk to my professor but my voice sounded so off#i’m so stressed bc i’m so behind i don’t know what to do it’s not clear at ALL#i think he’s assuming everyone’s done something like this but it’s not true!! i’m a sophomore and everyone else is a junior or senior#and i was trying to hard not to break down and i think i made it#but now i’m in my room and i need everyone to shut up#i want to take a shower to calm down but i can’t bc my roomate is here and she knows i already took one today#and i don’t like that i’m 20 i’m scared of growing up#and im homesick im always homesick in the back of my heart#i just want a hug honestly
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I feel like with this whole Liam Payne situation and the resurgence of 1D content (which I’ll be lying if I said I haven’t been enjoying) it’s easy to forget what a real tragedy this is—because obviously I don’t know any of these men personally nor will I ever, but the 5 of them where still incredibly important to me in a very dark and yet very formative period of my life, and they deserve that recognition on my part at least. Growing up I very rarely thought about how the 1D members were very close in age with me, only a couple of years older, yet while I was living the last years of my childhood protected by my parents, they were literally plucked from their homes, overworked to the bone and thrown to the wolves.
Liam became an abuser and an addict, there’s no denying that, but it’s very hard for me to think that the boy I used to eagerly watch videos of everyday when I was a teen started off that way—and this isn’t me trying to put my nostalgia above the pain of his victims at all, I’m just pointing out how the cycle of abuse perpetuated by the industry can only end up ruining lives. Liam’s life absolutely did not have to end the way it did. Ultimately Maya Henry and the rest of his victims don’t deserve to be blamed for this, they should receive nothing but compassion and empathy from us, and so should Liam’s family, especially his son.
I think I will, bearing that in mind, allow myself to mourn Liam, and the girl I used to be and that he was such a huge part of. I can never be that girl again, I’ve lost and gained too much over the years to ever be her again.
I will also allow myself to mourn the rest of the 1D boys too, because while I don’t want anything bad to ever happen to them, they aren’t those boys anymore, the pedestal they used to occupy no longer exists in my heart, but a part of my love for them will always be there.
#this got super sappy sorry the ghost 17 year old me possessed my body and wrote it#so I know that I always come back here like “yes I’m back for good” and then disappear for months#but these last couple of months have actually been good for me for a change (and I don’t want to jinx it so…)#i went to a cool trip through europe to study. came back. got a new job. and even started dating (we’ll see how that goes lol)#but i feel like i owned it to teenaged me to post something here which basically amounts to: wow… growing up realllly sucks uh??#anyway i really couldn’t stop myself from commenting on this because i literally started this blog 13 years ago because of one direction#like… imagíne that…#1d renaissance is cool despite the circumstances#what isn’t so cool is the whole putting blame for liam’s d*ath in underpaid hotel employees and any woman in his vicinity#using it as an excuse to gush about the pettiest thing ever like l*rry reunion (like???? read the room?????#liam payne#liam#1d#one direction#ufff felt super weird using those tags after all these years#like it feels like I’m talking about some guys who disappeared into the void 10 years ago but no#i saw them around a lot and even listened to some of their solo music#(specially niall’s because i vibed with his the most)#but it wasn’t the same because they were no longer 1d ya feel??#idk anymore#stfu pam
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