#and i actually dont even care if it's objectively true or not i just think theyre so nice telling me that <3

[de4dskunk]

one man might find me ugly but so many women call me pretty and cute :3

[random-potat]

˚₊ ˚ ‧₊ heads up

pairings: ni-ki x reader ft. danielle of new jeans and mentions of jake

synopsis: sometimes getting hit on the head by a baseball can be something to bond over.

word count: 1063

warnings: mild swearing, poor attempts at humour

a/n: as somebody who has always been hit in the face by a sports ball growing up, hopefully this is a meet cute that can actually happen to me but thats probably still unrealistic lol. anyways here's a short little ni-ki oneshot!! i still dont know how i feel about it but its good enough ε-(ｰдｰ) will most likely be posting my jongseob smau soon so that will be my main focus :)) so oneshots may not be posted as often cause this writer cannot multitask :p

Sitting in class, you continuously check your phone, counting down the time until class ends. 

You feel a nudge on your shoulder, waking you up from your daze. Turning to the person beside you, Danielle whispers to you. “Mr. Hong may be smart and nice, but why does his voice have to be so gentle?” She puts her head down on the desk. "Like, it makes me sooo sleepy.”

"Agreed,” you say as you check your phone again for what seems like the 127th time.

“Why do you keep checking your phone? You got a hot date?” Dani teases.

You roll your eyes and respond, “I wish. More like a date to the dentist. Have to leave as soon as class ends, or else I'll have to wait thirty minutes for the next train.”

"Well, that sucks,"  Dani sighs. "Honestly, knowing you, you may not be able to make it considering how slow you run.”

You slapped her arm. “Hey! So not true. I’m just preserving energy.”

“Mmhm. Sure.”

Five minutes before class ends, you start to pack your things, getting ready to dash outside the classroom.

As the bell rings, you quickly run down the stairs, saying a quick goodbye to Dani as well as Mr. Hong. You couldn’t really care as people gave you odd looks for rushing towards the train station; some people may have thought that you just really needed to take a shit.

On the way to the train station, you have to pass by the sports field. Being completely unaware of your surroundings, you fail to hear someone shout toward you.

“Hey! Heads up!”

All of a sudden, a hard object hits you square on the side of your head, making you lose balance and fall to the ground. 

Aware of your position on the ground, a wave of embarrassment took over. You lay there for a bit, not wanting to make eye contact with the people around you. “Not gonna lie, you would think somebody would come and ask me if I’m alright,” you thought.

As you start to get up from the ground, the sound of footsteps can be heard running towards you.

"Hey, are you okay?” A tired yet deep and husky voice says

You look up from your position, seeing a boy around your age with a baseball mitt around his hand. “Why is this man so freaking tall?”

You watch as he mouths words, but no actual sound is coming out of those plumped, nevertheless sort of chapped lips.

He shakes your shoulder lightly. “Excuse me, are you okay?”

You shake your head, getting out of your daze, although that may have been a mistake, seeing that it made you more dizzy.

The boy reaches his hand out, and you grab them as he hoists you back up.

“I’m so sorry, that was quite a hit; it must’ve hurt,” he starts. “Normally Jake has better aim, and when he doesn't, I can normally catch it,” he says as he scratches the nape of his neck.

“It’s completely fine; it totally doesn’t hurt at all.” You respond nonchalantly. 

“Do you want some ice? I can get someone to get you some," he says as he grabs your hand and pulls you towards the practice field. “Here, just come sit on the bench and I’ll grab you some ice,” he says as he ushers a team member to get some ice.

“No, no, it's okay. I'm good. Kind of running late for something anyway, plus it really doesn't hurt.” You attempt to stand up.

The boy gently pushes you back on the bench. "Look, I'm sure whatever you have to do can wait, cause even if you say it doesn't hurt, the side of your head is definitely saying something else.”

You reach up to where the ball hit you, feeling a swollen bump starting to form. “Fine, you can give me ice, but after that, I'll be on my way to the station.”

He gives you a stern look. “Um, no, we still have to go with the standard precautions. You could have a concussion right now.”

"Look, I'm sure if I had one, I would know.”

“No, you're staying here. Practice ends in fifteen minutes anyway. So stay put.” He hands you a plastic bag of ice that his teammate got.

Being left with no choice, you watch as he runs to the center of the field. Watching as he throws and catches the ball around.

Not really knowing anything about baseball, you plug your earbuds in and slowly close your eyes to rest. “I'm already late at this point; I might as well rest.”

Little did you know, resting your eyes caused a little misunderstanding with the boy that had helped you. As he practiced, he took small glances at you every now and then. Seeing your eyes start to close caused him to immediately think you were about to faint.

Worried that you just became unconscious, the boy was unaware of the baseball that was being thrown towards him.

With history repeating itself, the boy fell face flat to the ground, a swollen bump starting to form on his head.

Waking up from your quick nap, you look beside you to see the same boy holding an ice pack on his head, similar to you.

“What the hell just happened?” You questioned.

“You know it turns out Jake over there really does have bad aim,” he jokes. “Or maybe I was just a teensy bit worried about you.”

“Worried about what?”

He explains, "Well, you closed your eyes; I thought you had fainted.” 

"Well, I didn't.”

He sighs. “Yeah, I can see that now.”

The two of you guys sat there with an awkward silence surrounding you. Feeling a bit better, you decide to grab your things, turning toward the boy beside you.

“You know, I never got your name. It would be nice to know who my hero is.”

“I'm Nishimura Riki, but people just call me Ni-ki. You?”

“I'm YN. Nice to meet you, Ni-ki, and thanks for helping me.”

He smiles, “Anytime.”

As you begin to turn away, a faraway voice can be heard.

“Hey! Heads up!”

You turn around and see Ni-ki in front of you with a baseball in his hand.

He screams towards his teammate, “You know Jake, you really do have shit aim!”

my masterlists

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[theninth09]

people dont actually believe that theo killed his sister, do they?

like okay. the entire pack and probably theo himself think that hes responsible for her death, but the pack hates him and doesnt trust him for valid reasons and theo is traumatized and holds guilt over her death so hes probably convinced himself that he did kill her. i just dont believe thats true.

in s5b when hes with stiles in the tunnels (i forgot why they're down there but whatever) and stiles tells him "oh yeah, the guy that killed his own sister when he was nine?" and theo argues back "yeah. i was nine. i had no idea what was going on." and that he also still believed santa exists so obviously he believed the dread doctors when they told him she wanted him to have his heart.

first of all: this is s5b. hes long dropped his act and he has no reason to lie in this moment. he knows that stiles wont fall for his lies and hes stopped lying and transitioned into threatening and intimidating anyway. theres no good reason for theo to lie to stiles here: theres no actual benefit that would come from that.

and his behavior points towards him telling the truth. instead of deflecting or making a joke, or any of the stuff he usually does to get his way, he starts explaining and defending himself. he seems almost agitated that stiles claims that he did kill tara and argues why he didnt.

and ofc stiles doesnt believe him and tells him "i think you pushed her. i think you liked it." which is, sorry, utter bullshit. i understand why stiles says this (yk. theo killed his bffie and all that) but i think stiles is purposely turning everything that he knows about theo into something evil. he doesnt want to believe that theo was a victim of his circumstances, because that would make him human, that would explain why he became the person that he is. its easier to fall back onto the "hes just purely evil" argument, because then he can hate theo for what he did.

stiles is smart. thats his whole thing. thats his whole thing with theo, that he was "smart enough not to trust him" as theo says to the sheriff in s6a. stiles knows that theo was a child, that its likely that theo got manipulated and groomed by the dread doctors. but, i think, he decides not to care about that, to ignore that. he hates theo and he wants to hate theo, but if he starts looking at the reasons for why he did what he did, he'll begin to understand him. and while he'll still never forgive theo, that will reduce this fury he has for him because, newsflash, theo was a CHILD.

people argue that tw doesnt show us enough of his back story to back this up and yeah, i kinda agree. we dont get enough of his story because teen wolf ALWAYS does this. with every character. they insinuate something, they start something interesting that could give their characters depth and then they abandon it and its like the characters just forget about it. all this show has is small details for fans to focus on if you want to analyze anything, because this show is objectively not good enough to actually do that.

+ theo is a side character. he wasnt even meant to stay as long as he did and cody did his best to work with the material. if your argument is that theres missing context and only vaguely shown stuff, im sorry but thats so stupid. thats not a good argument for in canon. "oh but we never see theo do this or that" HES A SIDE CHARACTER. he wasnt even supposed to come back! and tw is not a very good show! obviously they added more depth to his character in s6 because cody came back. like yeah theres stuff that doesnt make sense (like the show saying he didnt have a heart condition), because his back story got added as an afterthought in s6. you cant only look at s5 and judge his character based on that. his depth comes from s6 and its not the characters fault that the show has bad writing.

and if you simply dont like theo, cool. i dont like a bunch of characters in tw. but i find this argument that hes actually evil and deserved getting tortured and whatever exhausting and annoying.

if you dont have empathy for his character in s6 bc you just hate him, fine. i dont care. but if you're talking about this in a more analytical way? fuck off. he was a child, the show points towards him getting groomed and abused by the dread doctors and guess what? even during his villain arc, hes still a child. yes he should take responsibility for what he did, im not excusing any of that stuff. but theres reasons for why he did all that.

and again, dumb tv logic reasons, but most of the villains getting away unscathed, fucking peter hale and deucalion being allowed to just kinda wander around while theo is in an eternal time loop of torture? like this technically erases the packs rule of not killing because i dont think its weird for me to argue that getting non-stop tortured without the ability to die is objectively worse than actually dying. and yeah, tv logic, but if you think that (in canon, not just bc you personally dont like theo) he deserved that, idk. weird. very weird.

[fafefae]

holds head in hands. nobody look at me but i binged a whole ton of the episodes from the new fairly odd parents cartoon and i have thoughts and if i dont get them out of me i think i will perhaps explode. i am aware this is children's media also, but just hear me out. (i have not finished watching all the episodes. a gauge for readers to know roughly where im at, i havent met irep yet. haven't watched the finale yet either but ive heard its not the greatest.)

Cosmo and Wanda shouldn't have been Hazel's fairy godparents.

Cosmo and Wanda shouldn't have been Hazel's fairy godparents. Peri should have.

listen, its been a long LONG time since ive watched an episode of fairly odd parents (the original), but like. hear me out for a moment PLEAAASE. the whole reason Timmy Turner got Cosmo and Wanda in the original series was to help him deal with his terrible, evil, awful babysitter Vicky, who is consistently an antagonistic force in the show moreso than, but also alongside Crocker, who brought with him a whole other slew of hijinks and issues for Timmy to figure out how to get out of.

Hazel doesn't have that. Hazel doesn't have a direct antagonistic force in her life.

the closest thing she had was Dev to be her Vicky, and Dane to be her Crocker. but Dev is Hazel's on-and-off friend (mostly on), for a majority of the series. he's not an antagonistic force to Hazel the way Vicky was to Timmy. and while Dane is obsessive the way Crocker is, and is set up to be the true villain of the series (i havent seen the finale, so im sure ill be mad if this isnt actually the case), he's not actually a present force she deals with.

to make it clear: Timmy had consistently absent unloving parents, an evil irredeemable antagonist to deal with, and also dealt with an extremely obsessive antagonist on the side. that's why he needed fairy godparents. his life was miserable, so he needed fun silly times and thus, got the fun silly fairies.

and to get to my point: Hazel's parents aren't absent in her life and love her, she has no evil irredeemable antagonist to deal with, and the extremely obsessive antagonist she deals with hides in the shadows like a mastermind, so she doesn't really even know he's a bad guy to deal with until way later. so why does she have the fun silly fairies? her life isn't miserable! she's consistently shown that she's loved by her parents, and her biggest problems are... growing up, being kid who deals with school and friend drama, and missing her big brother. her life is, objectively, already silly and full of love. she doesn't need caring parent figures. she already has those!

what she needs is a brother figure to help her with missing Antony, and what she needs are life lessons in her life, not more silliness. and for all of the two minutes i've seen him on screen, Peri is exactly what she needs. he tries to be serious, he isn't silly the way his parents are silly, and this is a little stretch, but he's literally established as a brother figure to Timmy in the original series.

you know who does need caring parent figures? Dev. you know who does need silliness in his life? Dev! and that's why he clings so hard to being friends with Hazel once it happens, because she's silly and fun and he needs that. so why doesn't Dev have Cosmo and Wanda, and why doesn't Hazel have Peri???

[calypsolemon]

okay let’s try and analyze anthy’s reactions during duels and why she sometimes is just completely still and other times she’s like “utena watch out!!” and other times she’s full on interfering. also how her relationship with utena and vice versa changes during the whole season

Lune you had no clue how much you were asking for when you sent this partway thru our watchthru lmaooo

I think the easiest question to answer here is "why she is completely still sometimes" and well it's that... most of the time she doesn't need to do anything. Anthy has been acting as the rose bride for what is clearly a looong time, and her "job" (her real job, as commanded by Akio, not what she presents to the duelists) essentially amounts to subtly manipulating people into projecting their desires onto her, so they will fight to own her. Usually, by the time they are at the arena clashing swords, Anthy has already done everything she needs to - the pawns are in place so to speak, she only needs to watch them play out their parts.

Beyond that, Anthy is generally emotionally disconnected from what goes on in the duels, despite the fact that they influence who she is going to have to live with. Though some duelists may, on a surface-level, treat Anthy better than others, and that might lead her to attempt to subtly push duels in her favor when she can, she ultimately sees her abuse at the hands of duelists as an inevitability, just another Thursday in the life of the Rose Bride. Therefore, apathy is the default Anthy emotion for any given duel.

So lets talk about the times when she is Very Much Not Apathetic

From the very first duel, she actually does express shock at Utena winning the duel with just a wooden sword. I will be honest, I dont actually put much weight onto this moment. I think its just sort of a natural reaction to someone so uninvested in either Anthy or the power she represents, winning the duel in such a dramatic way. I'm not even sure at this point she's clued in to Utena embodying Dios.

More notably, we have Miki's duel, which is the first true sign of mid-duel intervention by Anthy. By this point Utena has had an actual moment of "Dios coming down from the castle to possess her," which... depending on your reading means either Anthy, Akio, or both see some sort of potential in Utena. So she blatantly throws the duel for Miki by directly contrasting the idea of protecting her she's purposefully built up till this point.

The most notable reaction from the first arc, though, would be in the second duel against Touga.

This is after we get one of the only direct confirmations in this arc that Anthy is actually beginning to care for Utena; the scene where she is sitting alone, imagining Utena across from her at the table. In this moment, when Utena is fighting for her princely ideals despite the risk of actual death, Anthy is (for lack of a better term) triggered into recalling when Dios was gravely injured and still attempting to act as prince. And whether it is through the protective instincts of those memories, or just straight up being pulled out of concentration of what she's doing, it causes her to accidentally throw the duel for Touga, by rescinding her power from his sword.

So, we basically have two precedents set for Anthy reacting during duels: She sometimes consciously interferes as a strategic move, and she sometimes has a genuine emotional reaction, usually in relation to her memories of Dios being triggered and/or potential care for Utena. I don't actually think these two things are mutually exclusive, however, and they become muddled as we move into the Black Rose Arc.

Anthy definitely begins to be a lot more lively during these duels, from interacting with the objects on the tables, to giving Utena's sword the blessing, to yelling for her as she catches her mid-air. Is this because she genuinely cares for or is concerned about Utena? Is projecting Dios onto her? Or is it just because Utena winning is what is necessary for the duels to function? Maybe some combo of all? Who knows

The most notable Black Rose Duel reaction, to me personally, is when Anthy downright demands Utena pull the sword from her against Wakaba. Its very uncharacteristic of her, and I believe its because, despite the Black Rose Duels being something she has a hand in, she may genuinely be concerned for her own life here, as she has built up Wakaba to be actually, murderously jealous of her personally, and Utena is actively refusing to fight.

As we move into the final arcs of the show, we get one of the most blatant Anthy duel disruptions to date:

The sword of Dios disappears mid-battle, and instead of remembering Dios in the face of fighting against impossible odds, it is now Utena's words of friendship that spur her to jump in front of her, and draw her own sword from her chest. I really think this is one of the most significant mid-duel actions Anthy takes besides the final duel. It shows that Anthy's emotions are no longer being spurred on by simple relation back to Dios, but rather by the genuine care that Utena is showing her. Even if their relationship is about to be mired in turmoil thanks to Akio's interference, it was starting to become something real, and it was also starting to break down Anthy's carefully built walls.

I'm getting eepy and also this is getting long, so I'm going to stop the analysis train there. I could get into the final duel but quite frankly I think thats an essay in and of itself. Anthy's reactions during duels is really a fascinating topic and you could probably go on forever talking about it (just like everything else in this show)

[cinnamonest]

LENA HI i need to ask. how do you survive irl? bc personally im a radical feminist and im all for eradicating gender roles and empowering women so having all these raging fetishes that stem from misogyny is so shameful to me(not that i really want to stop anyway…) i walk around with millions of unwanted inappropriate thoughts produced by my noncon-adled porn-rotten brain. like i genuinely need advice(or at least reassurement…) from someone that can relate. even if you cant relate or dont want to answer, id be VERY happy if you could just post this to your board so maybe someone else could see it and send a reply, as another anon or as a comment to the post, idk. thank you in advance. and no i dont want to see a professional about this, the fuck am i supposed to tell them😭

I totally get that, I struggled with the same thing for a long time. I'm not great with explaining things like this, but I think the most important thing to address (the observation of which helped me get over feelings of shame and guilt) is

1) a disconnect between real misogyny and fictional misogyny, as well as 2) critical examination of fandom culture perpetuating shaming the content.

To be very clear: misogyny in real life is not like what I write about. Actual misogynists behave remarkably differently from what you see here. They do not cherish you, they're not just possessive or tsun, they genuinely do not see you as human, you are disposable to them, they hate you — and their behavior reflects that.

Secondly, I think it helps to become aware of a phenomenon I've noticed, increasingly so in recent years, where the same people vehemently hating on dark fiction will turn around and engage in very real misogyny. It's a bizarre phenomenon but it's definitely real and observable, and observing this over and over again has proven to me that fictional content does not at all facilitate real engagement.

I'm obviously biased to myself, and I won't say it's objectively true, but I personally think that the fictional content helps me recognize the real thing even where others often don't, and I've seen others in these spaces have similar experiences.

Which frankly, this contrast is not good because real misogyny, especially as it is casually woven into everyday life and culture, causes real harm, yet fandom culture is increasingly obsessed with fictional content and shaming consumers while turning a blind eye to it occurring in reality.

Recognizing the difference, for me at least, and the disconnect between them, as well as the realization of just how often real misogyny was a critical part of getting over feelings of guilt.

Tldr:

1) fictional misogyny and real misogyny are not only different, but often mutually exclusive, and

2) engaging with fictional content on misogyny does not inhibit your ability to recognize nor combat it — that's a matter of careful analysis of engagement with culture.

Also on another note — there are a lot of professionals who are very understanding about this sort of thing! I won't say every single one is, but there are plenty of non-judgemental professionals.

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Made it to chapter 16 today which means Feyre and I have both had our first impressions of Rhysand's Inner Circle and ohhhhhhh boy

Its hard to pinpoint why exactly, but theres something so discomforting about watching them interact. I think the main thing is that for all their "casual-ness", theres still clearly a rigid hierarchy between them and they all seem to 'know their place' so to speak, its not at all like Lucien and Tamlin's relationship in the first book which genuinely felt like a friendship that was unburdened by their status or positions. Like, theres this one moment where Mor and Amren are like kinda bickering with each other i guess, and Feyre remarks that Mor is probably super powerful if she dares talk back against Amren (in an incredibly minor matter Im pretty sure but I already forgor ngl) and because this is the book where Feyre's perspective starts being Objectively Correct all the time, I guess that's true, I guess the only reason someone would dare voice their opinion on something to this friend group is if they were physically more powerful because otherwise you just level a fucking mountain during an argument

Anyway, Im gonna switch topics for a short moment but I promise this diversion is relavant to the point above. So, sometimes when I go into the anti-tags on here looking for criticisms or complaints of the books, I instead find anti-ship posts that are mainly just about trash-talking some ship, mostly ones relating to that whole Elucien/Elriel/Gwynriel shipwar, which I already have thoughts on but I'll save those for later. In any case, one day I stumbled upon this pretty long anti-elriel post about how the gifts Elain gives Azriel on winter solstice arent actually cute and it describes how she gave him like, herbs that help with headaches "because his friends are always giving him headaches" apparently. And then that post went on a whole rant about how insensitive that was of her and that she doesnt actually understand Azriel's dynamic with his close friends, but honestly, judging from this chapter Elain was absolutely spot on

And I usually wouldn't say this because yknow, its only one chapter and we're probably gonna get the nuances of their relationship later, but this is a book written by Sarah J Maas, her characters and their relationships are rarely particularly deep and, more importantly, her writing is incredibly unsubtle. If Azriel was in any way fond of his friends shenaningans I wouldve noticed it, because Feyre wouldve noticed it like 15 times during that whole dinner. But she didnt.

Its especially bad for Cassian and Azriel because it feels like Cassian thinks they have this great rapport but Azriel just genuinely kinda dislikes him. Not to mention that whole fucking mess with Azriel and Mor and Cassian and Mor having sex so she wouldnt get married off or whatever, good god how is every conversation between them not insanely awkward

Even beyond that, idk man, theyre all just so insufferable. I dont understand how Amren, ancient eldritch being trapped in a fae body that she is, can stand to be around them, I wouldve left them 5 centuries ago if I was her. I guess the explanation is that she finds the government position interesting but its like, youre SECOND to the most boring and annoying man on the planet only kinda ruling over a court that you dont even actually care about from everything Ive heard. Again, if I was in Amren's position I would not be hanging out in an APARTMENT in a boring ass city at the behest of a quartett of stupid bozos, I wouldve weaseled my way into being the personal advisor of Beron or some shit so I could watch the Vanserra Family Drama unfold live

There was one good thing about this discomforting dinner though, and that was how inexplicably gay Cassian was for Rhysand. He was really out there, looking at him with such love, calling him pretty twice in like two minutes being all "I knew I wanted a piece of him the moment I first saw him, the high lord's pretty son" like okay. I know what you are

[howlsofbloodhounds]

ooooh interesting thoughts about stage 1. ironically, killer is his own worst enemy. i wonder if he just subconsciously goes into stage 2 as a defense mechanism so as not to think or feel about the things he's done. is he just constantly in stage 2 the whole time under cross' monitoring period? maybe he only lets himself be vulnerable in stage 1 around color.

and the selective amnesia!! oooooh the angst!! stage 1 doesn't have any idea about what's happening. is he dreaming? is he hallucinating? because color wouldn't do that to him, surely. i wonder if he sometimes thinks he's back in nightmare's grasp, and all the happy times he has with color are just happy dreams he has. that kinda implies that stage 2 is the one in the most lucid state, and i don't know what to think about it tbh.

also delta anon is so true. i'm imagining delta just holds color's shoulder and goes "i think we're gonna have to kill this guy", like the meme lol. i think cross wouldn't mind that either, but dream would be so disappointed so he would try the talk-and-rehab route. though, with this huge bump in the recovery road, i think most people in cross' advisory circle would suggest cutting killer from color indefinitely. at least until killer can actually accept help, which he truly needs. color needs some therapy after all this too, and it's really uncertain if he will forgive killer once he gets professional help and realizes objectively how much killer fucks him up.

~ crowshipping anon

damn :( (please dont kill him we need him alive for the angst and hopefully the healing process)

imagine this story from stage 1’s perspective. the confusion, the pain, the disbelief mixed with moments of relief. maybe he even just convinces himself all the good parts are a wonderful dream he never wants to wake up from.

..what do yall think was the most impactful or “severe” lessons. either that killer taught to color or color gave to him (with killers prompting). what was the worse punishment.

..did he make color punish him for showing emotion. like color comes to dread the mornings after taking care of stage 1 because st2 will immediately start provoking him to punish killer for daring to be upset or scared or in pain or for trying to get away from colors touch.

and did he stay in stage 2 throughout the whole monitoring process? i know hed definitely try, but did he succeed. was that apart of one of cross’ goals—try to coax him into stage 1, trying to pry some slimmer of truth of what’s going on in killers head. did color have to give tips and ideas on how to provoke it (or did killer come to a conclusion that color was commanding him to be in stage 1) (I wonder if that’s another form of punishment killer used to have with nightmare)

and will cross and killers’ dynamic develop with having to be in close proximity—especially when killer really fucking feels threatened by cross right now (doesnt help that cross is another connect to nightmare in killers mind).

how is colors therapy going? Will nightmare somehow learn word of all this and try to get in contact with color somehow—either just to mock him, offer to “take killer off his hands,” or even give tips on how to better handle killer…what if thats been happening for awhile even before cross and the others interfered. and its so disturbing how likeminded killer and nightmare can be even without having any contact.

what is the moment out of this entire thing that will stick with color the most. what is one specific part that he just can’t forget or stop thinking about

[nyxi-pixie]

me when im supposed to be studying but instead im thinking abt mori and dazai again

let me go absolutely insane for a second (not a second. this is so long. i just checked mfer its over 2000 words. i need to be sedated. imprisoned. restrained. examined. smthn)

'a young man with a death wish once came to me and i wanted to rescue him but i couldnt' and like yeah. beast mori couldnt rescue him. but to a certain extent, canon mori sort of has (touch wood for long term but as it is, dazai is so much less intent on dying than he was in dark era).

and it just. i always wonder about the actual intentions of the mimic situation. because on the surface, it looks like what dazai calls it, then deeper than that, it looks like a very calculated long term strategy, and deeper than that, its just. kinda sad.

i just think its interesting that he plans the mimic thing the way he does knowing dazai will leave despite the fact that he doesnt want him to. and dazai himself reasons this as mori being afraid of him, that mori doesnt want dazai to kill him the way mori killed the old boss. but thats? not true? mori seems unbothered at worst and downright proud at best when he tells oda that dazai will probably kill him one day.

so. Why. did he do it knowing dazai would leave? it wasnt his only option; he could have set skk on mimic. like 5 second future vision isnt gonna do much when the danger is alr there (as oda says). and in the face of a massive black hole coming right at u or a building being dropped on you, five seconds really isnt gonna do much. so mimic cld have been removed without a casualty and the mafia could still have got the permit, and not lost dazai. (who is Objectively an asset to the organisation.) But thats not how it happens. Mori plans it exactly as he does knowing oda will die and dazai will leave. he also then makes it continually obvious that dazai would be welcomed back.

and ive been trying to think of other reasons for it, but across canon and insight from beast mori the only thing i can think of comes back to the fact that mori wants dazai alive. alive and aware that the pm is the best place for him, but alive more than anything else.

i think he wants dazai as his heir bc he knows dazai is enough like him to manage it, but i wonder if it also comes back to the fact that mori is trying to rescue him, and i imagine his own reason to live (and lord knows he suggests he needs a strong one in fifteen) is probably tied down to legacy and responsibility for the city. mori devotes his life to the mafia because he wants peace and appreciates that control (rather than eradication) of the worst of yokohama is the way to keep that peace. and thats enough of a reason to live for him. but it isnt for dazai.

dazai doesnt give a fuck about the mafia as a concept bc his motivations dont rest on ideals the way moris do. dazai only ever does anything because of the people he cares about. everything we see him do, EVEN in pm era where people claim he was some emotionless rockman, come back to his friends.

its why hes never at the centre of the plot. he cant be, because he never does anything for himself. fifteen, in which he is a titular character, is a plot that rests vastly on chuuyas back story. dazais original motivation prior to meeting him is just to khs, and only upon meeting chuuya and them having their whole weird Thing and dazai deciding to be an obsessive freak, does he actually have personal stakes in the job. then in stormbringer, its all abt chuuya again, and dazai is only involved bc he cares about him (whatever he actually says aside). tdipud is driven by odas storyline, and so is dark era. dazai is only active in them bc he cares abt oda.

even when he has more idealistic motivations come canon era, they come back to the fact that hes doing it for oda. anything Above And Beyond that promise is bc hes acting to save the agency, who are his Friends. his motivations are deeply personal in complete contrast to moris, and it is perhaps the only place they really differ.

now ironically, it seems to be that the only decisions mori makes influenced by personal feelings are because of dazai. which takes me to the fact that i think he let dazai leave because he recognises thats whats best for him (at least in the short term - and we'll get to That in a second). and its not really a loss for the organisation because dazais too practical to ever dismiss the mafia, and he still gut responds with their methods. so its an easy sacrifice, a justifiable one.

then theres the contrast with the kouyou&kyouka thing. kouyou doesnt want kyouka to taste the light only to have it sour on her tongue when she realises she cant actually have it because of what she is. because kouyou believes anyone tainted by darkness the way they are can never be free of it. (because she couldnt get out herself).

i wouldnt be surprised if mori thinks the same way, certainly in regards to someone like dazai who Is naturally built for the mafia in a way kyouka really isnt. mori at least believes dazais blood is mafia black and whether or not this is true is irrelevant. he Does have to actively fight his impulses in order to do the Right Thing even now. And even doing that, he still falls into their methods when its practical, or when he's paranoid or unsettled enough to need the comfort of habit, hence the way he treats aku even four years removed from the mafia. hence the way he treats atsushi immediately after Q appears (the way he so instantly latches onto his older self literally slapping the self pity he detests in himself and in his former kouhai out of his current one). hence the way the parallels to mori spring up most when dazai has just been shaken by something.

so i wonder if mori let dazai walk into the light knowing (or believing) he wouldnt fit there, and would come back with a stronger commitment to the mafia as a whole because it may be a concept of sorts, but its one that embraces him in a way the light doesnt, and while dazai does things for the people He cares about, its a mutual thing - he feels responsibility for the people that care about Him too (which probably ties in to the desire for a quiet suicide without bothering anyone, and also to the disgust he has w the sheep - because it Isnt a mutual exchange there).

i think it was always intended as a temporary thing (five years away from the mafia maybe. the 'five years' right before dazai comes to take moris place). give him a taste of the light and let him come to his own conclusion that he doesnt belong there, and eventually turn back to the mafia where he does belong.

(despite suggestions that dazai Doesnt really belong there - smthn smthn cat/dog symbolism - though people suggest this implies he belongs w the ada and i dont think thats true either esp given the way hes omitted from the group so often. i think the cat symbolism w dazai likens him more to natsume than atsushi&fukuzawa esp given the way theyre shown tgthr so often. dazai doesnt belong to any organisation or rigid group, he just fits in line w whoever he cares abt and wherever he decides hes content to stay. v much like a cat actually.).

anyway, moris idea seems to be that dazai wld realise the mafia is somewhere he is cared for, and he cares for the people within it in return. though it doesnt seem to have really turned out that way (maybe mori j underestimated the power of the ada's one specialty: forced integration into its found family. lmao)

so you could see it from a practical perspective: mori sending dazai out to show him he really belongs w the mafia and shld come back to them when the time is right, thus mori secures his legacy by leaving the pm to dazai and the mafia is led forward by someone who could handle it the way mori has.

but. hes never pushy abt dazai coming back. hes downright polite abt it (contrasting to the way he treats yosano), and he puts an awful lot of effort into saving dazais life. (kinda funny that he sends chuuya to pick dazais ass up every five seconds with no reward for either of them - chuuya post dead apple literally asks and moris just like ? uh the safety of the city?? bragging rights😁👍? - but when he sends chuuya to save the agency as a whole the price is Heavy like. exchange of a member is crazyyy.)

dazai is always very much considered One Of Their Own. his seat is still empty waiting for him to come back, he and mori post guild are Always cooperating (despite the kinda petty way dazai talks to him during the reunion - the whole 'i burnt the coat' thing - its almost childish, spiteful in a way that speaks to personal hurt that undermines any control he might have had of their kind of distant passive aggressive exchange. but. im too insane abt that interaction that my interpretation cld be entirely bs.)

they communicate through this ridiculous game of chess, and rely on each other to keep both their organisations afloat. when anyone else from the ada tries to pull the same thing, mori pulls out contracts for their damn souls but when its dazai hes just like ? oh ur bf needs to save you again? of course i can spare him to go pick you up from european prison yeah not a problem! ill even glue his vampire cosplay teeth in!!

in connection with that, even with dazais commitment to Doing The Right Thing, he does not do it in the right way. hes perfectly content to use mori-typical underhanded methods to get the ada to the right place. he sends aku To His Death Knowingly for the sake of saving atsushi and by extension the rest of the agency (and he may have known that the vampirism wld sorta bring him back?? but he still sends him to die), and its sorta similar to mori sending aku out to deal with hawthorne and mitchell while hes in rlly bad shape.

anyway dazais methods always make me think of that cunty exchange sskk have in dead apple 'thats not the way we do things in the detective agency' 'was that a bad joke😘 ur too much weretiger🌈✨💖'. but like. dazai Doesnt work the way the ada does. at least not when things get tense enough to drive him back to habit.

i think people like to interpret dazai as being a better person now, and i think in some ways he is. because hes always influenced by the people hes around most. but also, his motivations havent really changed from pm era. he still does what he does for his friends, they just happen to be on the right side now.

anyway. mori puts more work into keeping dazai alive than any other character (bar perhaps chuuya - but thats because mori saving dazai runs hand in hand with chuuya doing it given hes the one sending him) which is. aurgh.

mori and the wish to save people is just interesting in general. the fact that he became a doctor in the first place is telling on its own plus the unhinged way he deals with yosano - of course someone obsessed with saving people would want a cheat card for sending Death packing - but maybe i could believe it was just a power thing, more to his sense of control. playing with life and death so that he can play god. and i think that probably is just a little bit part of it, esp during the war.

but theres also the way he treats doctors within the pm (sb calls it respect for his former position but it may also be knowledge that the better treated they are the more people they will save). And the only reason he works w the tripartite agreement is bc he loves yokohama, wants its people, including its underground, alive and all that (honestly it probably links back to war stuff - hes really intent on peace).

so hes already someone that is intent on saving people (and beast mori makes this obvious w the way he treats atsushi) but theres a personal edge to it w dazai, possibly bc dazai is so much like him, and asgr is kind of obsessed w the saving your mirrors bc you cldnt save yourself thing (sskk. atsushi&lucy. chuuya with his clone. beast akutagawa siblings. beast atsushi&kyouka. i could continue).

im frothing at the mouth but basically, mori does everything for practical reasons in line with his ideals, his grand vision for the PM, but that doesnt mean he isnt making any emotionally charged decisions. its just that theyre always justified by their practical outcomes. (Especially where dazai is concerned). so he can pretend that theyre not driven by personal feelings but IM WATCHING U MORI U CANT HIDE FROM ME.

yk i sometimes wonder if i see him too sympathetically for a guy thats as so sucks as he is but someone has to counterbalance the 75% of the fandom that thinks hes pure evil for no reason and has no thoughts outside of Being Terrible so. here you go have this from the depths of my brain.

[hertwood]

"I do find it interesting that ppl will ignore the many many times Taylor Swift has publicly supported democrats just because she was friendly to her boyfriend's coworker's wife"

the "many many times" in question being an entirely self-serving activism kick in 2019 and 2020... she hasn't even spoken up about this year's (arguably more consequential) election Imao if normal ass people can cut off their own relatives for being bigoted then white woman of the year can certainly avoid snuggling with a loud and proud racist. i'll also remind you that the "political arguments" in question that occur between trumpies and normal people directly affect the lives and safety of millions of people both in the States and abroad but okay! sure! not everyone has enough empathy to care about that! whatever!

if you want to believe taylor swift is a bad person, or not progressive enough, or a performative activist thats fine!! you don't have to like her and you also don't need to justify it with any "good enough" reason!!! you can just hate the bitch you're allowed!!!

the point i was trying to make is it is weird as hell to be making polls and speculating if she's a republican when she's endorsed joe biden in 2020 and many other democrats since 2018, it really seems like a bad faith fucking conversation to me 🤷 i think the people who are having these discussions have already decided that she's a bad person and are discounting very significant data points to present their opinions like they're reality. if you think it was self-serving activism, that is actually just your opinion :) that you are allowed to have but that does not change the objective truth that she has never been vocally anything other but liberal in her political views.

i also think its fucking weird that people who hate her so much won't shut the fuck up about her TBH!!!!!!!

also acting like i, a disabled nonbinary dyke don't know how politics affect real people?????? bitch i'm one of them. and you're right, not everyone has enough empathy to care about everything wrong with the world all the time. not everyone has the capacity to argue with every bigot they meet 100% of the time without getting burnt the fuck out. it is not sustainable and also not very effective to do! most of these crazy assholes are not gonna have their minds changed with an argument. caring for vulnerable members of our communities is a far more valuable way to spend your energy. getting young leftist people registered to vote is gonna be a much more viable strategy for change than arguing with trumpies.

i have also, for the record, been kind to bigots. so fucking cancel me too i guess. i've said hey i'm not gonna start an argument bc my siblings deserve a christmas without all that. i've heard coworkers say bigoted things and said hey i'm exhausted from the work day i dont have a capacity to deal with this right now. and if you think i'm a bad person for that? dont worry you can unfollow me i will still sleep easy at night :)

i also think it's worth mentioning that taylor swift recently had to cancel a show bc of a real terrorist threat. i personally think it's very likely she's being advised not to say anything in order to not increase risk of another tragedy like the manchester ariana grande attack. if this is true and you still think that taylor swift prioritizing the safety of herself and her fans dying over speaking up politically, thats your right to think so!! but i don't expect my faves to be activists 24/7 personally, for any reason. i dont think thats fair to expect of people who aren't politicians.

but that's just me!!!

[sunscreenstudies]

Iconic Things My Coding Professors Have Said (Part 12)

"real data is always messier than data you get in textbooks, but thats true about real life and fiction books too"

Prof: "does any group want to go first? no? anyone?"    Student: "we dont care"   Prof: "oh... okay… does any group care?"

"this is very common, uh, draco and harry slash fiction. does anyone know what the slash means? no? really? that’s alright, i bet you do but i won't embarass you by making anyone say it, so i'll say it instead. Draco and harry have a lot of gay sex... that's not something i ever thought i'd say as a professor to a room full of students in a professional, academic environment, but this is where we are"

"This model requried a lot of input from a lot of people, and, as you probably know, people suck"

"but for what? i mean i know that they want to make a lot of money, and they don't really care who's exploited to make a profit, but i doubt they want to destroy the world… not yet, anyway"

"we asked for ages for this company to make their book open source but they always kept refusing us… and now they're not around anymore. But no hard feelings"

"of course, if you say you're investing time in something, you're not literally investing anything material. Humans understand this, but stupid computers do not"

Prof: "Wait, why is marie kondo listed as fiction?"   Student: "so's the bible"   Prof: "oh boy, let's not get into THAT"

"I absolutely adore this book, so if you're expecting any sort of objectivity from me… uh, yeah, you're not gonna get it"

"i won't be able to explain it in five mintues, but if you do ever have some time… probably not until after this entire masters course, but if you do ever have some time-"

"one character who dramatically loses popularity in fanfiction, is, of course, hagrid, which is probably because he isn't suitable for a sexual encounter with another character, gay or otherwise"

"journalist texts use registers other than those used in text messages or emails or even letters, if you remember what those are, or snapchats or instabooks-"

"As for the others, we expect you to actually collaborate with each other - and yes, i know, we're computer scientists so that sounds horrible, but just deal with it"

Prof1: "how many of you have reviewed a book online? One? Two? Two people. Anyone else?"   Prof2: "I wrote a few fake reviews online for my own books, if that counts"

"For this evaluation we need to use humans, and as you know, humans are what? Yes! Too expensive. Not that I've tried to buy one of course - they seem like far too much trouble, to be honest"

"It's only advantage is that it doesn't need human intervention, such as annotation, and thats good because annotation sucks, as we all know. It’s quite similar to people in that way"

Prof: "This book only became popular because the author was a celebrity, so thats why i think this book is there"   Student: "but what about ‘Great Expectations’? by Charles Dickens?"   Prof: "well… i mean he's not an internet celebrity"

"you can see that the centrality of harry has dropped but draco has increased, because in fanfiction, draco is a very common character because of, obviously, the afformented gay sex"

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14

[malwaredykes]

one of the effects of Being Shot In The Head that took leigh a hot minute to realize is that she found herself pretty much unable to experience proper emotions. though she cant remember her old self very well, she thinks she used to be able to feel things like anger, joy, grief, terror. now she cant even imagine what those things felt like, and cant for the life of her describe them using her own words. its like being told to imagine&describe being unconscious, or being an inanimate object, or being a large group of people at once. what shes left with in terms of available emotional states is: a chronic underlying sense of dread/anxiety, nagging frustration, and brief smug satisfaction at solving a problem or figuring something out (something that feels like the unraveling of a painful knot in her head). and a lot of the aforementioned anxiety stems precisely from not feeling things she kind of senses she ought to be feeling. its like she can see the negative space, the void left where the "right" reaction/emotion ought to be, and she can kinda work with that, but it stresses her out (which in turn is more of a physical feeling than anything else). despite her general Umm Reason And Logic attitude she definitely does not devalue emotions--they serve a purpose, and while they can impair judgment, they can also enhance it, by keeping a person grounded and connected to other people, and by providing necessary shortcuts that make it so anything gets done. it worries her that she cant feel angry on somebody's behalf when she knows a grave injustice was done to them, she can't even feel angry or upset when somebody wrongs her, and she doesn't feel scared when faced with obvious immediate danger. once again she cant quite tell what she was like before being shot, how in-control she was of her emotions, how well she could relate to others, stuff like that. but as is obvious by now, shes very susceptible to overt self-scrutiny. as an ocd-haver. obviously a big part of her drug use is just self-medicating, though she doesnt think of it that way at all (which too is one of her many idiosyncrasies). hell she doesnt even quite laugh at things that are funny to her, shes just like. ooh thats funny, thats good. i think in all of that she forgets that joy missing from her life also affects her a lot. things just dont really make her happy. she's curious, she's determined, she can tell when something would make her happy or ought to make her happy, but the emotion just isn't there. in this way, having her love reciprocated doesnt even quite make a difference to her--which in itself isnt true, because of course it would; even if she cant feel happiness emotionally, being held and loved and cared for feels good on many levels, and since solving problems still feels good to her, well, not to get overly poetic but love (any love; platonic, romantic, etc) is a solution... no woman is an island. the fact that she can feel love and attachment despite everything, even though its very difficult for her to identify or admit to herself or comprehend, is proof enough. leigh, you love your friends... yes, how it feels to her is the reasonable efforts to work together, to look out for each other, to satisfy biological human instincts for interactions and companionship, and to use ones influence in somebody else's life to improve it as much as possible, because improving things is an Essential Rule. which, all of the above is honestly kind of funny when actually described, cuz like, wow leigh you sure love to overthink things. miss r/iamverysmart. but she is kind of lost! she can still see and feel those negative spaces, those missing pieces, theyre all over the place. as is the mental fog, the hallucinations, the occasional seizures. some part of her sense of self was ripped away from her and she doesnt even know how to feel angry at the guy who did it.

[youremyheaven]

I fell in love with a ketuvian who has uttara bhadra sun+jupiter and rohini moon.. he also has 12th house placements. I can tell you he was like a perfect man for everyone, but also unnoticed. Handsome and yet away from public eye. Wise and yet indecisive at some point(?) but when he comes to a conclusion, he will follow through with his choice. I admired him so much even when he told me everything about his life. Our situationship only lasted for 3 months, and yet here I am 4 years later still wondering if whatever he felt for me was true. I’m not really asking for advise but i only wanted to share(unless hehe). I never blamed him for anything tho, he has his choices to make, there was so much burden being shouldered. If anyone of our babies here have any experience with the same placements i mentioned, i hope i could hear them too. Hi to our precious admin, if this is alright to share here thank you very much.

I hope our discord members share there experiences too if they may! ❤️

UBP Sun & Jupiter, Rohini Moon, Ketuvian with 12h placements

I think people with heavy 12h placements are kind of unforgettable. they have something to them that makes them sooo special. its a very heavy energy ngl, you can always tell that these people are going thru tough stuff but their 'darkness' or suffering makes them more alluring somehow? 12h or pisces rashi is commonly found in the charts of manyyy iconic celebs and sex symbols. the darkness and mystique makes them vv intriguing despite them being so elusive. they're so hard to reach and penetrate energetically but this is exactly why people go crazy for them. the less they try, the more they magnetize others.

Your guy has pisces rashi AND 12h placements, no wonder you feel this way

but that said, you said you doubt whether "whatever he felt for me was true" and i think that's very Moon + Ketu,, Ketuvians are so detached that one often wonders whether they care about u at all. Moon's nature is ever shifting, one day its waxing, next day its waning, this means Moon dominant individuals are very moody and change their mind about things frequently. if you ask them about xyz today they'll say one thing but ask them 2 weeks later and they'll say something entirely different. this can be vv confusing and disorienting for others. Moon is also linked to manipulation but since idk this person, I can't say he was like that.

but all in all, i think our attachment to certain individuals, esp those who are no longer part of our life, says more about us than them?? youre capable of intense feeling and empathy, thats why he still lingers in your mind. you think of him positively for the most part, you view him in a nuanced way but focus on his light, i think you're very loving and giving as a person. but sometimes we can be too loving.

romanticizing our experiences and our lives is wonderful but sometimes it prevents us from seeing situations and people for what they actually are. try to think about it objectively, was this guy actually as amazing? think about his behaviour in different instances? did he ever say things or do things that were 'off'? our memory is very partial so we often only remember what we want to, so its possible you now dont remember any of his 'bad' qualities but i think it will give you immense peace to let go of this connection. you can wish them well and try to forget them. our minds create their own experiences, the more you think about him and try to dissect him, the more you take away from a time that is already past.

be content with the memories but let everything else goo

just my 2 cents,, i hope i dont sound like im trying to tell u what 2 do or anything (even tho thats literally how ive worded things lmao)

others with similar experiences, how did ya'll cope?

[spatio-rift]

the thing about kkiru fics is that most of the time they are not in character. like objectively. im not even talking about the mess that is kakashis life, relationships and personality especially since it was so fluid during naruto (the actual work) but like that is literally not iruka. 'bamf iruka' 'sealsmaster iruka' etc etc like that is not iruka he is just a regular dude with a big heart. and (relatively) strong feelings about sending kids on murder missions. i dont even know where the idea that he yells at jounin for a badly written mission report comes from like can i be real for a second? i simply dont think he would do all that. it was already crazy that he opposed kakashis nomination of his 12yo kids for the killing exam and even then he apologized for not seeing narutos true potential and encouraged him &friends to continue. like i just dont think he would treat people that outrank him in the killing &murdering job they all have like elementary school students. but back to the topic of the post ultimately i dont actually passionately care about kkiru so i dont mind that most of the fics out there are actually about the fandoms collective ocs. because they are entertaining. and a fic about kkiru that is actually in character would be really boring for my tastes.

[ezralva]

I came here after reading your Choso&Yuji fics, I love them! 🥰The scenes where they are training blood manipulations are my fave, filling in the gap in the current manga chapters for me so thank you! Your author's notes very interesting but there are some things I don't quite understand. My questions:

1. Was it ever explained how Yuji can do blood manipulation? And how he get the red claws?

2. Since Choso is a Kamo, does that mean he's related with kamo, the young one? I'm still confused because I saw some fans said they are not while some said they are and the fanpage says that Choso's father is Kamo the younger's ancestor, which means they are related?

3. Does that mean Yuji had a Kamo blood too because he's Kenjaku son? Like perhaps his mother? Because why is it different between them? Why Choso reacted like that to Yuji's blood but not to the other Kamo?

4. Are the memories Choso had about Yuji is from him alone or the influence from Yuji's cursed energy?

Sorry if my questions sound very dumb to you! myb cos I was skipping a lotta chapters of the manga to catch up with current arc (I almost skipped the whole culling game thing) but I watched the anime and still not understanding a lot.

Btw my fav is your Light at the end of dark tunnel and I'm actually sad that it hasn't been updated for long despite you still write new fics for new pairings 🥲 but I dont mean to rush you or anything, just hoping one day it will be updated again 🙏

Thank you for liking my stories and telling me about it! Ah I guess it does get confusing if you don't read the manga in order. In fact I've seen manga readers still confused abt the same things as yours so no, they are not dumb questions! Hwvr, to answer, it'd be better to go into manga's chronological orders so it'd be easier to understand...so beware of long answers ahead.

1. It was nvr explained explicitly but heavily hinted, which from the ways Gege does thing so far, which is not always spitting out everything for readers. It could be perceived as true. It happened in ch 220. I'll explain later below.

2. Yep, by all means they are related. I think this much is pretty clear from the narrative even if you're an anime-only let alone read the manga. Related as in coming from the same clan/ancestry line/bloodline. Iirc I explained this in end notes of ch 1 of my long fic. Blood Manipulation is a prized CT that is passed down only thru bloodline/genetics. It wasn't a sporadic thing like Geto's curse manipulation CT. It is the same as Zenin's 10 shadows and the Gojo fam' Limitless/Six Eyes. The fact that Choso has it despite being incarnated in an irrelevant non-sorcerer body meant that his Kamo's blood from his papa (Kamo Noritoshi Sr) still runs fully thru his current body. The concept of JJK is mostly how a soul cud modify the body. For Choso this is def the case cz there was 1 panel where he said he cud no longer sense the prev body owner's soul/essence. So, as a cursed object of a Kamo blood, he had taken over the body fully. Back to the question, howvr, to which degree he's related to Noritoshi Jr we might nvr find out unless GG care enough to lay out the Kamo family tree. They could be as distantly-related as Gojo with Yuuta or more direct line in family. But I don't see how that wud ever happen cz it's neither important to the plot nor is it important to any of the character's narratives.

So yeah, the opinions that said they are completely unrelated are definitely off the mark. It's silly tbh, cz it doesn't take a lot to comprehendthis particular narrative 😅. The BM technique and the great 3 clans backgrounds were there to confirm. I personally think, they must be branching a lot so it's not straight vertical line. Cz Kamo Sr had offsprings and cud have more legitimate offsprings outside the Death Paintings, it cud be said he wud be like a great great greaaat granduncle to Noritoshi Jr (which explains why the fanpage says Kamo Sr was Kamo jr's ancestor) and since Choso, Eso, and Kechizu didnt have offsprings they wud be more like great great greaaat grandcousins or cousins 8-10 times removed lmao. That's how clan family works.

Which brings us to the next Q that is Yuuji. Remember that Yuuji is always the special case.

3. Yuuji is by no means a Kamo even till now. He got BM technique thru acquired means which in ch 220 heavily hinted that he ate the rest of Death Paintings remains (as permitted by Choso). All the Death Paintings had BM like I said before cz they are of Kamo's descendants, only the properties that were different. For Choso it's poison. For Eso is rotten blood.

This is why, despite being born from Kenjaku who once inhabited Kamo Sr's body, Kenjaku didnt pass down BM to Yuuji cz once again, BM is a CT that is passed thru literal bloodline. Which is why we never saw him did BM while in Geto's body. Kenjaku being in Kaori's body who wasn't a Kamo cud not pass that CT down to Yuuji. He cud howver, resist Choso's poisonous cursed blood due to him being the other's papa.

By eating the Death Paintings' remains, Yuuji gained access to BM thru their souls which modify Yuuji's being. Most likely his red claws came from one of the Death Paintings' properties as well. This is the same to how he got stronger and gained more CE by eating Sukuna's fingers, which are also cursed objects, and how Gojo said he wud 1 day gain access to Sukuna's CT. Yuuji's body is such that after ingesting cursed objects, his soul gained control instead of being devoured like how Choso's soul took over the human body he incarnated in. It's why it doesn't make Yuuji a Kamo because he's still the one in control, not the Death Paintings he ingested.

4. I think 👆 has explained it. The memories are one-sided on Choso and they never happened. It's due to the bond between their cursed blood.

Why Choso reacted differently between Yuuji and the other Kamos? Simply cz Choso's narrative is designed to be a character who lives by and for his little brothers only. When it comes to the Death Paintings, they have cursed blood, don't they? Their CE and blood come as a package and cannot be separated. Which imo explains why it's not exactly literal/biological blood that bond him with Yuuji but rather the cursed properties in it, courtesy of Kenjaku's hopping bodies that brought and passed along his CE's components to all his offsprings and that's it...not the host bodies' genes or anything else. This is also why it's only Choso who felt the bond and not Yuuji cz Yuuji's CE didn't rely on his cursed blood back then. I didn't know abt it now though that he had eaten Choso's other little brothers and gained new properties to his bodies.

Unless somehow, when Choso and the brothers were inside the tubes their souls went to another cycle of life with Yuuji in another life lmao. But this one is my headcanon so dont take it seriously.

Thanks for the encouragement. I don't have any excuse abt it but I'll try updating the long fic when I can. That one is sth I took on more seriously which is why the writing process is much harder than the occasional one-shots that I've published. Much harder to hype myself to keep up with it as well. Plus I have lots of ideas come and go that keep swimming in my head and always have these sudden urges to tackle new dynamics when I came across a refreshing different pairing 😂

[teetlestansecond]

HEAR ME OUT. rottmnt x gn reader (separate-romantic/platonic) whos part of the foot!! i kinda wanna see how they meet, and after getting to know each other, he starts having a crush (or feels a very close friendship) on them? does he hide this from his brothers? and what abt reader? how are they going to hide this from the foot?? anyways, hope youll do this, i dont see a lot of foot! reader, so yeah 😭🙏

nonnie bb i'm obsessed with ur mind for this one i love u

also sticking this under a readmore because i got carried away

rise!turtles x foot!reader

raph! ❤️

Raph met you on a solo mission retrieving a piece of Shredder's armour.

it was an important mission for you, as you were trying to prove yourself to be worthy of a promotion within the foot clan.

unfortunately, you quickly realized the piece wasn't there after all, it was a trap set by Big Mama

Raph didn't see you as a friend, but it was clear you both held a distrust for the spider and so he put his feelings for the foot aside and worked with you to get away. you made a pretty amazing pair to be honest, but neither of you would admit that.

you two end up on a roof blocks away, and as the relief wears off you're left with the frustration of missing out on this promotion. you don't really know why you spill your guts to the turtle but you do, telling him how frustrated you are over the whole thing.

and Raph doesn't know why he listens, but he does. he goes so far as to try and comfort you, telling you that from what he saw during your fight you were an amazing fighter, and that if the foot clan didn't recognize that then it was their problem.

sitting on that roof, you began to realize that you actually really liked Raph's company, and instead of parting ways right there you asked if he'd join you for a trip to your favorite diner.

this becomes a habit for the two of you and both of you know it's a bad idea to befriend the enemy, but neither of you can help it!

Raph is careful with certain details, never telling you where he and his brothers live or what they're up to, but he's very vulnerable in just about every other area. it's nice to have someone to talk to about his worries and his hopes, and it's even nicer knowing that you're actually listening, not just pretending.

as friends, he feels like he can handle hiding things pretty well. his brothers don't need to know that he's accidentally befriended the enemy. but as things get more serious with the threat of the Shredder, it becomes harder for Raph to constantly face you in fights - especially knowing that the Shredder's armor is getting closer and closer to being finished. the Shredder may have been the head of the foot clan once upon a time, but Raph worries that once it's released, the Shredder won't hold any true alliance to the foot clan, which means there's no guarantee you won't get hurt.

he starts asking you to leave the foot whenever you guys meet up, making it clear that while he'll always be your friend, he fears he won't be able to protect you once the shredder is unleashed. you don't think there's anything to worry about, and every time Raph tries to get you to leave you turn him down.

you genuinely love Raph's presence in your life, but you're loyal to the foot and you can't imagine leaving it for anyone. sometimes though, the worry in his face gets to you, and for the first time in your life you can't help but wonder if you're doing the right thing being with the foot

you want advice, but you don't exactly have anyone to turn to. the people you trust most are even more loyal to the foot than even you, you know that if you ask they'll tell you to stay. but even if they were capable of being objective, no one in the clan knows that you've befriended Raph, and for good reason.

you can't imagine that your friendship would be accepted in the eyes of the foot, and you don't want to find out what could happen if you told them. in the same way Raph's kept your friendship secret from his family, you're keeping the secret from yours.

it isn't easy, though. questions arise whenever you head out on your own, and you can only use the patrol excuse so many times before eyebrows start getting raised.

it's even worse if there's romantic feelings involved. it's a mutual crush that neither of you are willing to acknowledge because you both know that will just make things harder. it's easier to ignore the romance budding between you guys and act like everything's fine.

on Raph's side of things, Leo picks up pretty quickly on the fact that his big brother is into someone and starts snooping, but you and Raph manage to avoid his prying eyes.

your friendship becomes strained as your crushes grow with the threat of the Shredder looming over you, and it results in the two of you spending less and less time together.

until the Shredder is finally unleashed, that is. and much to your horror, you realized that maybe Raph had been right to worry about it.

the armor is even darker and more dangerous than you'd expected, and you can't help but worry that you and the foot have really made a mistake bringing the Shredder back.

things really come to a head when Draxum and Splinter are caught by the Shredder, and when Splinter gets used for his Hamato nimpō. you know how much Raph loves his family and you realize that you love him too much to just watch this all take place.

you and Cassandra are put in charge of guarding Splinter, and against your better judgement you confess to them both that you've been hanging out with Raph and that it's complicated your feelings for the clan.

surprisingly, Cassandra tells you that your first loyalty should be to your heart. and that really is enough to help you make your decision.

when the turtles arrive to defeat the Shredder, you decide to help them, severing your ties to the foot for good. Raph couldn't be happier by your choice, and Leo is relieved to finally have an answer to who his brother's been sneaking around seeing.

you all win the final battle, and you take this as your chance to start a new life, this time with an alliance to the Hamato clan instead of the foot.

and you and Raph can finally hang out without feeling the need to hide, which is a really good feeling for you both.

if you're crushing on each other, i hate to tell you this but Leo is constantly teasing you both about it. he tells Donnie and Mikey that you and Raph have a thing for each other and the three of them are relentless trying to get you two together.

Raph, naturally, is annoyed with their antics. but the three of them do set up a very sweet date night and Raph does confess his feelings, so the teasing works out in the end.

Leo! 💙

you meet the turtles during an unexpected run-in while you and other foot soldiers are training, and you can't really explain how you became friends with Leo.

because he was so annoying, okay? he's cocky and he's arrogant and you want to knock him down a peg but that's hard to do when he can walk the walk and talk the talk.

Leo knows you're annoyed by him and that's why he focuses in on you. you're hit with the one-liners every time you guys square off and your utter frustration with his cheesy words always makes Leo giggle.

you guys go on like this for a few months, but the vibes change one day when you stumble across the turtle alone in the afternoon.

you were just out clearing your mind and decided that hiding out on a rooftop would get you the peace and quiet you were looking for.

but you get up there and you'll never guess who also happens to be on the roof, of all the roofs in new york city.

you're not sure if you want to leave or scream or strange the turtle upon first spotting him, but you decide against all three when you realize that Leo is injured.

he insists that the cut is worse than it looks, and that sometimes even after all these years, training with a blade can get you pretty ugly injuries.

you don't know why you offer to help him, but he doesn't accept. turns out, he's a pretty good medic and patches himself up with a practiced ease.

he does, however, ask you to stay on the roof with him. he doesn't want to worry his brothers with his cut but he doesn't exactly want to be alone either. and you should say no, but you don't.

it's a weird time. you guys talk and Leo is still sort of a dork with his stupid jokes but it's different. he's different, a more genuine, more vulnerable version of your personal worst enemy, and you don't exactly hate it.

but you guys are not friends, okay? you're not, you insist. it doesn't matter that you and Leo start bumping into each other more and more on rooftops. it doesn't matter that you let him help patch up your wounds whenever you get hurt. it doesn't matter if you guys start hanging out on the ground as well as on roofs.

it matters a little bit, actually. but you're sworn to the foot clan and you're not about to let people know that you're hanging out with a member of the Hamato clan, no thank you.

Leo, on the other hand, has no problem telling people that you two are most definitely besties.

he sees you in fights and is all "omg hey bestie!!!! what's up!!!!!!!" and you contemplate murder every time.

you would never though, because unfortunately for you you've grown attached to this absolute clown.

yes he's insufferable and a fool but he's understanding and makes you happy. and even though Leo's let approximately every single living thing in new york know that you're hanging out, you haven't been punished or kicked out of the foot, so slowly you start to be more open about the friendship too.

Foot Lieutenant and Foot Brute do sit you down and make sure that your loyalty to the clan hasn't been affected, and when they're satisfied with your responses they let it go.

you're relieved honestly, because when you're not training these days all you want to do is hang out with your best friend and it's so much easier now that you're not hiding all the time.

if we're taking the platonic route, things continue on like this. Leo doesn't push you to leave the foot and you don't feel the need to. if the turtles get caught up with other villains in the mystic city, you sometimes help them out. it's a strange and surprising friendship to everyone watching from the outside looking in, but you and Leo are fine with the system you've worked out.

things are a little different if romantic feelings get involved, though.

you're very aware of your crush, admittedly, but you struggled confessing to be friends, confessing to this would be so much worse.

and it doesn't help that Leo is absolutely blind to his own crushes. that guy can clock anyone with a crush in a ten-mile radius but when it comes to himself? he's oblivious for the longest time.

but then one day he just realizes out of the blue, and it makes him panic a little. befriending the enemy is one thing, but falling in love??? what is he supposed to do with that???????

you two never really talk about it, but you both know there's something there. and it makes everything weird for a while.

your crush pushes you away from the foot a little. you're still affiliated with them, and are still very much a foot soldier, but you drop in a lot less often in an effort to avoid facing the turtles in any fights.

you and Leo are a little like Batman and Catwoman and i could elaborate but then we'd be here forever.

the years pass and you two are just in this fun little flirtationship and you both act like you're fine with it but you're also both definitely pining over each other.

Mikey, Donnie, Raph, and Cass have a running bet over whether or not the two of you will ever take the next step. Donnie and Cass are convinced you won't.

Donnie! 💜

you were in the junkyard looking for an old artifact Foot Lieutenant asked for. Donnie was in the junkyard looking for some bits and pieces for a new project. it's the first time you've ever seen one of the turtles outside of a fight and all you can think is that this one is such a fucking dork.

he's over there muttering excitedly to himself and you're simply too fascinated to worry about artifacts so you slide your way over and ask him what he's doing.

initially Donnie doesn't want to tell you anything because you're the enemy, but you flat out tell him you're on a wild goose chase for some old piece of junk and that you're a little convinced this thing isn't even real. you've searched so many different locations for it, several other soldiers have, and every time you each come back empty-handed.

you already know you're not going to find it tonight, so you tell the turtle you're more interested in bothering him.

he's still suspicious, but he slowly starts telling you about some top-secret project he's trying to finish and how he's looking for some pieces to help bring the project together.

do you know what half of the words he's saying mean? no. but you listen intently and he seems happy to have an extra pair of ears to listen to him because within half an hour he's full-on rambling about his plans and thoughts and you're genuinely loving every minute of it.

by the time Donnie calls it a night, he's accepted you as an unexpected new friend, even if you're a foot soldier. he asks if you'd like to meet up in the dump the next week and look for more stuff together, and you happily agree.

it becomes a thing between you two. you'll pick through dumps and junkyards looking for old tech or scrap bits. sometimes Donnie rants about his struggles with his family, sometimes you rant about feeling lost in the foot clan. it's strange to feel like you have so much in common with someone you're supposed to consider an enemy, but Donnie makes you feel seen and heard, and you do the same to him. in spite of everything, you both are bonded in a way you don't have words for.

Donnie doesn't intend to tell anyone, worried that his family wouldn't understand, but one night after hanging out with you he returns to the lair and finds April waiting for him. she'd come to ask him for homework help earlier in the night and was told he was in the junkyard, and ended up catching the two of you together.

naturally she demands to know everything about you, and asks Donnie if he's aware you're in the foot clan. he tells her that he doesn't care, because you're his friend and even if your clans are at war it doesn't mean he and you have to be at war too.

if he's crushing on you, April clocks it immediately.

regardless of romantic feelings, she demands to meet you and when she does she interrogates you for the longest before deciding that you're okay. you and April end up becoming friends too, and the three of you hang out whenever possible.

you keep it a secret from the foot because you already struggle with feeling like you belong there and fear that your friendship with Donnie will finally give the foot a reason to get rid of you.

you guys live like this for the next couple of years, it's not the most ideal thing ever but you make it work and it's fine.

remember that artifact though?? because after a couple of years it finally gets found.

you don't remember a lot about the krang invasion. they possessed you right off the bat with the rest of the foot clan and infected your brain.

the entire invasion was traumatizing to Donnie, but the aftermath was even worse in some ways - especially when he found you.

regardless of whether there's romantic feelings involved, Donnie is determined to save you, and brings you to the lair to work on an antidote.

of course, he's able to get it worked out after a few days of trial and error, and you’re the first person he administers the antidote.

if we’re going the romantic route, the moment you regain consciousness he celebrates by wrapping you up in his arms and telling you that he loves you.

it’s maybe not the most romantic setup, but he’s almost lost way too many people and time’s too valuable to waste. and he’s been harboring these feelings for a long time, he’s just never found the right moment to share those feelings.

Donnie’s learned after the whole invasion thing that right moments don’t mean shit, and he’s not willing to let another moment pass.

in the platonic version, you wake up and get pulled into a long, crushing hug by Donnie. he’s relieved to know his best friend is back, and whether you like it or not you’re kept in the lab for a few days so Donnie can monitor your condition.

once you’re feeling better, you make the decision to leave the foot clan. it’s tainted for you now, you don’t want anything to do with them anymore.

these days, you run with the hamato clan, training with them and making a new life with yourself.

and of course, you still make time for those weekly junkyard trips with Donnie.

Mikey! 🧡

you bump into Mikey while the turtle was topside painting a mural. you’re just going on a one-person mission to pick up lunch for some of the other members of the foot clan, so it doesn’t seem like a bad idea to stay and watch him work.

Mikey doesn’t even notice you until he happens to turn around by chance and catches you.

after a brief but intense questioning, he deems you harmless and lets you watch while the two of you chat. you tell him what you’re supposed to be doing and confess that you’re less than thrilled to be handling so many orders on your own.

it doesn’t sound right to Mikey, so he goes along with you and helps you pick up the orders. normally he wouldn’t try and help the enemy, but he figures this can be the exception. it’s not like he’s helping you do something bad, you know? it’s just lunch!

and after you deliver it all, you spot Mikey hiding nearby gesturing to you to come over so you two could eat lunch together.

and that’s where it all starts with you two. you start seeking Mikey out to watch him paint, and you’ll usually grab a bite to eat before parting ways again. it’s nothing much, but you guys fall into a nice little routine there.

for a long time, it’s not really a friendship. you two are more friendly acquaintances, neither of you certain how to become friends considering the rivalry between the foot and hamato clans.

it takes a few months for you two to become friends, but it’s inevitable really - you two spend so much time together, and you get along surprisingly well despite everything. it takes you both by surprise but you welcome the friendship.

Mikey welcomes it too, it’s nice to make a new friend and he really loves spending time with you.

the both of you decide to keep the friendship a secret, not wanting to complicate things with input from your friends and family.

anytime the two of you find yourself in a fight, you both just avoid each other. it works well enough, but you have to admit that you don’t feel particularly great fighting your best friend’s brothers either.

it’s even harder if you’re crushing on him. you just love Mikey, how can you love him and then turn around and attack his brothers? it’s not right, but you don’t want to leave the foot clan.

and Mikey doesn’t love seeing his crush fighting his family either. he doesn’t want to ask you to leave the foot, because he’s worried you’ll come to resent him for it, but he doesn’t know what to do.

your friendship becomes strained under the pressure of your combined worries, but things snap when Foot Lieutenant and Foot Brute catch you and Mikey hanging out.

they’re absolutely enraged, and question you for hours about how long you’ve been hanging out and what you’ve shared with him.

you insist that you haven’t shared anything to ruin the integrity of the foot, but it’s ultimately not enough to convince your higher-ups, and you’re kicked out of the foot clan.

upset, you lash out at Mikey and stop talking to him for a little while. you decide to forget all about the turtles and the foot, and move on with your life.

do you miss your best friend? absolutely. but after calming down you feel absolutely terrible over the way you lashed out at him and you don’t really know how to go and apologize.

you don’t think you’ll ever speak to Mikey again, but it’s just your luck that you happen to come across him again, painting a mural the same way he’d been when you first met him.

when he realizes you’re watching him, you decide to just bite the bullet and apologize. your life has been better since leaving the clan, and if anything you feel like you should thank him for helping you get out.

really, Mikey’s just happy to know you’re doing okay. and he’s missed having you around, so he happily forgives you on the spot.

the two of you decide to try again, staring over and rebuilding your friendship in the open. it’s nice to get to know Mikey’s friends and family members this time around, and you can’t help but feel like your friendship is a lot stronger this time around.

maybe those crushes are still there, maybe you’re both more open about that too.