#and i MEAN IT this time lmao not like when i underestimate with my fics 🙄🙄🙄

[inkykeiji]

clari bb !! im so excited for ur beta ver to come out >.< is there a date I can put on my calendar for it <333 dont overwork urself tho n take care !

anon!!!!!! thank u for ur excitement it means a lot to us!!! we don’t have a set date BUT i’m just finishing up my fourth round of edits (i have three choices left to revise) and then i’ll test it myself and make sure it’s acceptable to give to u guys and then if it has my stamp of approval you’ll have access to it!!!

so all of that is to say, if it doesn’t need any more revisions after round four, u can have it by the end of the week!! i’m testing it tonight so it’s possible you may even have it by the end of tomorrow! <3

[nilboxes]

Light cone art so powerfully homoerotic someone (me) furiously pumped out a 6k word fic in 2 days. They're going to kill me. 🔗 : AO3

Extensive notes/ramblings below!

-

I have not recovered from the mental power I had to pool to write this lmao I couldn't do anything at work except figure these two out and why Aventurine looked so BESOTTED but the absence of the little white dots in his eyes in the light cone and in the leaked models made him look like there's such an edge to him (someone on twitter pointed out that he has no light in his eyes!) and it really fanned the flames like what the fuck is this GUY ON and why is it directed at Dr. Ratio LMAO (I mean why not Ratio is so pretty)

So then I thought, there is NO WAY Ratio is going to react surprised or scared for Aventurine he's going to be ANNOYED lmao. There are possibly 2 more chances in that cylinder before it's 100% in there and I was looking at the probabilities on Wikipedia and I was laughing at myself at how a gay ship was going to make me STUDY probability when I hated this type of stuff in university and I was like yeah Ratio will probably be like hey, you can't stop there, and pulls twice lmao

And I was thinking they would make eyes at each other homoerotically while doing so because wow sexual tension so potent you can taste it through the screen in the LC art and everything just went from there I really cannot get over how Aventurine seems so... sooooooo in love with Ratio and in my head Ratio is like this man is insane what is he on but he gets a taste of that and it's like wow it's actually a little good but Ratio is also cautious so he won't ride that wave too hard but Aventurine looks really down bad for a man who seems like he doesn't care

So initially I really wanted to wait until Aventurine came out before I start my hyperfixation train because we know so little about him other than key facts I have formed in my head-- -he's perpetual smiler (confirmed by a leak of the loading screen blurbs) and like, idk from his design it just suits him and even in his voice cameo with Topaz his VA sounds like they are smiling while they are talking ALLL the time idk at least I got this one right -mr gambling gambler who is very self-assured about his luck, mr smug man. when I wrote he'd win 99.9-0.1 he believes this and if he dies I think to him it would just mean his time's up for realsies anyway and whatever idk man is not very sane -there's some really weird leaks and I'm not sure if it's confirmed but he was invited to be a Masked Fool which made him ALLL the more interesting for me because as a Sampo Mr Scammer fan it doesn't mean if he joins the Masked Fools he wouldn't be able to amass money but this guy seems to really like the thrill being an IPC senior manager provides then which is like this guy is a lives fast dies young kinda guy -I HC from that neck tattoo he could have been an indentured servant (cough slave cough) or a prisoner of some kind, but eitherway it says he wasn't privileged in any sense of the word but the way his character design is so decked out in rings gold watches and even a bracelet it means he's climbed very far, so he is an ambitious man, lots of "material pleasures" as Dr Ratio puts it in my fic and he still wants more. That kinda guy makes for a very intense lover imo very "I get what I want" type, and I really wanted to balance that with his attraction to Dr Ratio and how he doesn't want to drive Dr Ratio away with his crazy but he's also very horny... Anyway I also totally underestimated his height difference with Dr Ratio I really should have pulled up that leak of them side by side but ahh being a short king dom top is so cute on him

As for Dr Ratio I really cannot see him top unless Aventurine power bottoms why but he's so "diligent" in all aspects but I see him being a pillow princess in bed

I also feel a little bad that I wasn't able to write more bickering between the two of them but I also feel like the normally talkative Dr Ratio keeps HIGH HIGH walls around Aventurine because it's hard to tell what this guy is thinking so he's thinking so hard trying to make sense of it all and he says little as not to give away anything that might be wrong

I feel like adding "all is fair in love and war" in Latin omina iusta sunt amore belloque was a little gratuitous but I also want to subtly sprinkle in that Aventurine is so obsessed with Ratio, so down bad for him, that he reads stuff about Dr Ratio a lot enough to come across a translation of the quote and I'm like no yeah way Ratio can deal with crazy-eyed Aventurine saying/declaring love while he's still computing the electric exchange they had so he's definitely like picking up on Aventurine's obsession/infatuation with him and he's like NOPE DON'T SAY IT and would rather kiss him to shut him up than hear it lmao

I honestly despaired at how I was going to start closing the scenes because it was like nighttime and I wanted to finish it already because they're killing me, so like, making Ratio fall asleep while Aventurine pours his heart out (I asked a friend who read it what he thought Aventurine said and they got it spot on so I figure it was conveyed properly on my end and I was really proud of this bit) seemed like a cute way to do it. The narration lied, Dr Ratio heard it but he got selective hearing and totally did NOT want to reply/acknowledge it. Poor Aventurine, but it's not as if he won't try again

I have waaay more ideas about them and I wonder if I can hold off until Aventurine releases or we get more crumbs idk but I want to write some kuudere Ratio (with a bit of tsun hehe)

Special mentions other than the lightcone art that fueled me: this art from Twitter that and this post that kinda made me think long and hard...

[amethystina]

I am intrigued by all the wips honestly. Anything you give us will be amazing, I have no doubt.

I will ask about Thou Shalt Not Covet tho because it is completed.

And I LOVE the How To Build a Family for Dummies title lmao. If you feel that it fits the story, you don't have to change it imo 😆

Also, I have to ask about your health. I hope you're doing well these days and that you're getting better. If not, don't push yourself too hard. Take care of yourself either way 💜

No pressure x'D

Jokes aside: thank you 💜 I'm very flattered that a lot of you have such faith in me and my writing.

Thou Shalt Not Covet was something I wrote in a feverish haze about a week ago because I was high-key panicking over not having been able to draw or write in what felt like forever and my brain just latched on to that story. Which wasn't at all what I had planned but, apparently, what I needed at the time, so I try not to hold it against myself.

It's basically a fic about Ga On being a raging ball of jealousy for 10k straight.

... or gay, I guess?

So the title is a bit misleading since there is actually A LOT of coveting going on. Coveting of Yo Han, to be more specific.

Ga On you little sinner you.

And it's 10k before editing, I should say. Because since I wrote it with a fever, I'll probably have to add a bit as I edit. Understandably, I tend to miss a lot of details when I'm too feverish. The fic is set just before Kim Choong Sik's first trial, so around episode 10. Which means I'm going to have to add a couple of warnings because Yo Han does not play fair. Whenever I write Yo Han as he was during the drama I'm reminded of how far he's come in Who Holds the Devil because dear LORD is he a manipulative asshole in this one x'D

So yeah. Jealous!Ga On and a Yo Han who doesn't pull his punches. A recipe for disaster, in other words. But they work it out eventually.

Here's a snippet from the beginning of the story (though unedited so there might be changes before it's posted)

---

Ga On had never understood how utterly devastating jealousy could be until he felt it — truly felt it — for the first time.

If asked, he would have said he wasn't a jealous person. He may have felt a burst of it once or twice as he and Soo Hyun had grown up — whenever another boy had shown an interest in her — but it had faded just as quickly as it had flared up. Perhaps because, deep down, Ga On had known that Soo Hyun only had eyes for him.

There was no need for him to feel jealous since the odds of him losing Soo Hyun to another were slim.

And, in hindsight, that must have lulled Ga On into a false sense of security, giving him the impression that he wasn't the jealous type. That he was calm and rational enough not to get upset, and knew how to handle the surge of emotions that might occur. Not realizing that what he'd felt at the time wasn't jealousy — or at least not the true depth of what he was actually capable of feeling.

Ga On had underestimated his own possessiveness.

And it wasn't until he met Kang Yo Han that Ga On knew true jealousy.

His first clue that he'd misjudged himself should have been his inexplicable desire to remain within Yo Han's orbit despite having numerous reasons to stay away. All Ga On wanted was to keep pushing closer, to keep proving himself, to keep asking for that intoxicating attention that crackled like electricity down his spine. He may not want to name what he was experiencing — instinctively shying away from a revelation he knew would change his life beyond what he was ready to deal with, finding comfort in denial — but he still craved the rush it gave him. He couldn't help wanting more.

His second clue should have been his own reaction as he'd watched Jung Sun Ah fuss with Yo Han's tie during their photo shoot.

The anger Ga On had felt in that moment — curling black and vicious inside his chest — had been an overreaction of the kind that should have given him pause. But, somehow, it hadn't. Somehow, Ga On hadn't even registered it as something out of the ordinary. Some part of him had even felt justified in his anger.

As if he had a right to feel that possessive over his chief.

But the rational part of Ga On knew that he didn't. He may be sleeping in Yo Han's house and helping him with his mission to upend the world as they knew it, but they were still nothing more than coworkers.

Yo Han had never promised him anything.

---

Expect jealousy, anger, and a bit of angst. Because Ga On has abandonment issues and it actually hits pretty hard when he starts suspecting that he's not so special to Yo Han after all...

As for How to Build a Family For Dummies, the title doesn't fit the vibe AT ALL which is why I'm calling it a working title for now. It just sounds way too cute and cheerful for the actual theme and content of the story x'D But more about that in another reply since I got a specific ask about it!

Aaaaand when it comes to my health, things are really bad, unfortunately. The kind of bad I haven't had since January, with daily exhaustion fevers and lack of focus. And it's probably not going to get better anytime soon since the main cause is related to something outside of my control that will most likely take months to fix. So it's really just a matter of me trying to hold on as long as I can and, if I'm lucky, I won't break completely before I reach the other side. I guess we'll see?

Anyhow! Thank you so much for the concern and the lovely ask. You take care of yourself too 💜

WIP Tag Game

[devdevlin]

hello! hope ur doing well :>> just wanna thank u for making peremo! it's such a wonderful piece of written work. the dialogue, the prose, the characterization of the two leads, the way the dynamic was fleshed out, etc etc everything! was so engaging! u weaved a tale that had me SEDUCED. i love how slow burn it all was!! tom had to see these intriguing sides of her bit by bit, that hermione had to get pushed into it, before he gets to form an obsession!! i was hitting that next chapter button like a fool crawling back to a paramour that i would gratefully allow to step on my balls (pls excuse the crass & nonsensical metaphor).

i'll try to keep this as short as possible omg (narrator: she did not, in fact, keep it as short as possible) but there's so much to love in peremo! like:

noncon/dark fics that feature a megalomaniac that underestimates the grit & acuity of the seemingly unremarkable female lead GETS meeee (rare as it is). like u rlly hit the nail on the head in depicting that aspect in peremo! every time tom succumbed to that crazed "who tf are u!!" state i was like clapping & pointing at my phone leonardo di caprio gif style. every time they got into some fucked up homicidal tom (tom) & jerry (hermione) ass scenario: standing ovation! i love it! bc as much as hermione is traumatized & is the constant recipient of the short end of the stick, tom cannot go on without her either !!! he didnt think she'd have that gorilla grip pussy on her but SURPRISE BITCH ! SHE'S UNDER UR SKIN !

hermione! love her!! im not even an hp fan lol but i love how she was written as flawed & unhingedly determined. the sexual assault scenes actually made me sob (a testament to ur power as the writer!). when she had that breakdown after almost flinging herself off the roof, hoo. boy. i was in pieces.

ur commitment to the darkness of the fic! that hermione in the worst-case scenario (letting an abusive man in her household that she fought tooth & nail to build, having him get his hands on her son, having all her sacrifices mean nothing in the end) is all so tragic & kudos to u for taking it there. im too much of a weakling :")) i wouldve sprinkled in some corny psychoanalysis just to somehow justify tom forming a suggestion of an affection towards klaus & their family cause i gots to soften the blow. i see ur vision & i admire it very much.

anw! thank u, thank u so much! i was in a depressive rut when i read ur fic & it rlly helped lift my spirit :)) i hope ur always well & best of luck in all that u do!

P.S. if u are in the mood for entertaining questions, i'd be in ur debt for the answers to these:

how'd u think tom would respond if somebody (perhaps klaus) asked him if he loves hermione?

i wonder how differently tom would treat a daughter? (ik ik, probably just the same but hey, a lady can have her girldad! tom delusion, right?)

how do u feel about peremo-inspired fics (w/ proper credits ofc!) ??? i've read the amazing ones on ao3 but i wanted to ask just in case! & ?? would it be alright if the depiction/interpretation of peremo tomione is slightly different from urs, like the same but slightly to the left & a bit sappy with it lmao

Oh my lord thank you so much for this anon! I read this at 4 am and had to forcibly restrain my happy squeals, and have since read it about twelve times over 🥹🖤😭

As for your questions:

1. “To the ends of the earth.”

2. Overall, I don’t see him treating a daughter too differently. Though I do see him being more aware of the company she keeps, and in the long term, I envision he’d bring her into his regime for different purposes (such as political manipulation, whereas with Klaus, I envision a loyal, hands-on groundwork sort of asset, if that makes sense)

3. Of course, I’m more than honoured that anyone would feel strongly enough about my story to write their own 🖤😭🖤😭 it’s an overwhelmingly huge compliment 🥹

[kaledya]

Annnw that was so sweet ! What the hell 🌸🌸 Very adorable and in a same time a bit worried ? I hope you are okay ! And I'm glad our discussion make you happy and you look forward to read chapters ! But... be okay please ? I mean I wish your unhappiness won't last !

By the way I always im happy to read your answer or even laugh at what we create ! Its very cool !

In dont underestimate myself, but I keep my myself in check. Modesty is a good partner in crime 🤣

_

I didn't know for IbisPaintX ! I never draw digitally and haven't a tablet ! But I could try one day this technique ! *screen what you said to remember* thank you !!

And when I gift you or gift you back remember its a GIFT, giving back is not obligatory and should not be forced. I don't draw to have something back. It make me happy, sure, but talking is a gift too for exemple. Its my way to say thank you in better way than just words 🌸 okay ?

Care for yourself first and I will be right here on the side. Your performance of doing anything or nothing will not affect how I see you as an artist, or myself as a follower.

You deserve it or I would not draw it, I assure you 🌸🌸

_

Its nice to see you like differents fanfics ! Its better even. I don't read fanfics myself, never had, BUT I left some nice comment under his work. _

Twilight was a ride. But I was watching for the actor who played Jacob, at the time. I'm almost not sorry ahah. _

Oh interesting! I didn't know about Cain being like prisoner of his own life somewhere. That is sad ! I imagine him kind of insane with that description !

_

Its past 200 now ! So I will definitely draw Verdelet in maid outfit !!

It will be fun. *me just caring about the historically outfit*

And for Hürrem, I mean I made a first version and it was meh because it was late at night so I did it again and this is the one I sent you.

Honestly, all my character creating have two phase. One day I will put all the old version of characters together or something it could be funny !

Thank to you to have created Giovanni like what ? I need him please don't forget him ahah. Kidding.

Take care of YOURSELF ! Kaledya. Really. 🌸🌸🌸

No, no, I'm like a radish(This is an idiom means I'm perfect) or I'm right as rain., don't worry!!!! 🫂🫂🫂

I'm just a little stressed about exams, that's all!!!!

(I hate art exams)

I just wnt to say I seriously love your work! You are seriously one of my favorite authors!!

Yes me too!! I seriously have so much fun in our conversations!! It's a whirlwind of fun, chaos and creativity!!

And I agree!!! Modesty is always the best! (And of course, ıt is the best partner in crime. After all, no one wants to end up like Icarus)

And I'm really glad you didn't underestimate yourself!!

--

Yes, ibis PaintX is a really nice program, the best part is that it is free and can be downloaded even on the most rickety phones!!

Before I got a tablet for my computer, I was always drawing on my phone.Seriously, once you get used to it, it's a lot of fun.Or you can use paper sets as sketches.Convenient for creating a color palette for your OCs too!!

And Always!!!

No, no, I don't feel any forced to return it or something!!. Just love giving gifts and I really want to draw!! And the scenes you wrote and I seriously love drawing your OCs!! It's kind of like drawing fanart for a TV series I like.I feel happy when I draw,And the fact that the person I give a gift to is becomehappy is something that really makes me happy!!!

And yes, I totally agree with your opinion!!!

And thank you so much for your kind words.

----

I'm really surprised to hear you haven't read any fanfics.But I can understand, it's perfectly normal if you haven't found one that interests you.

But I'm so glad to hear that you left a kind comment under that fic!!

--

LMAO There's no need to be sorry! Even though Twilight is a highly criticized movie series, it is still a fun series to watch I don't remember ever getting bored while watching it.. And yes, I was watching it for Jacob too! (werewolves seemed really cool at that time.)

--

Yes, but also he cursed with a seriously creative curse.And I agree that a person who has lived that long has at least a little insanity.

--

Hehjejeehe I can't wait to see Verdelet in a historical maid outfit! *Prepares to slam the credit card on the table*

--

Oh okay!! And I haven't seen the 1st Version, but I'm sure it's nice, But I really love the way it is now so everything is Perfect. 🛐🛐

--

Yes, seriously, it always happens when creating OCs. The 1st version is incomplete, but it opens the door to the real concept. The 2nd version is perfection!

And I really would like to see something like this! It would seriously be fun to draw and see!!

--

I'm so glad you like Giovanni!! And don't worry, I won't forget my sneaky fox baby!!

I Will Madam!!(⁠つ⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)⁠つ❤️❤️

And take care of yourself too!!🫂❤️❤️❤️

[marichild]

4, 9, and 17 for the fic asks >:3 🧡

*walks in* *puts on tetsu no ori* LET'S GO

be warned i am a chronic yapper I do not shut up about anything ever

4. Tell me about one of your abandoned WIPs. Why did you abandon it?

hoo boy. so, there was a sort of ambitious au I tried to write once—have you heard of twin star exorcists? I'm an anime enthusiast of it since I got pretty frustrated with where the manga was going what with the constant delays and derailing from the main point and the author not staying consistent with details, etc. that being said the anime doesn't fill a lot of gaps that should have been filled.

so while I was still pretty active in the kpop circles—which I probably will go back to soon lol when I feel less icky about the people I was beefing with—I tried to write a TSE au. while it wasn't my brightest idea to transpose a bunch of Koreans onto a Japanese setting, I also underestimated how difficult it'd be to handle all those canon details.

plus, exorcism is very heavily based on Buddhism, specifically in Japan, so I was just like. well am I prepared to potentially insult an entire faith. (research goes a long way kids! don't listen to younger mari) and I just sort of...let it falter and it doesn't even exist in my wip folder anymore </3

(it also involves a forced arranged marriage and the topic of being forced to have a kid, essentially, and I didn't want to genderbend anyone for it, so my solution was a trans man who was at least somewhat interested in having kids biologically one day, like me. once again, I didn't feel I did a very good job of it, and it was a little daunting to write it knowing that i did want at least a semi explicit scene that, once again, reflected me as a person. being a minor at the time, I let the idea go. and I was also much less confrontational at the time so I didn't think I could handle it if anyone was being weird about it lmao—which I fully can and will at this point.

that being said, I did write a fic about a trans man having a kid for a different fandom earlier this year, so I'm linking it if you're interested! very fluffy and family fun. and not explicit. though be warned, it is rpf lol)

HOWEVER!! I've actually considered picking it up again and rebranding as a soukoku au? once again, enemies to lovers, my transchuu agenda, my dazai can be any gender agenda, EXORCIST PRODIGIES, one of the characters has no idea where they came from and has a whole Bit about questioning their humanity. i.e. arahabaki parallels. there are a few gaps I'm trying to work out but it's definitely an idea haha)

ok enough yapping about that moving on

9. Are there any fics you'd love to see but don't want to write yourself? What are they?

!!! okay I really want to see. more fics about fyodor and disability. specifically related to anemia and blood. I generally don't read fyodor fics until endorsed by someone whose opinion I trust [for example, check out tell me we do not live in vain by valleykey, the Best fyozai fic Ever, or any of their fics!] because genuinely I don't trust this fandom to characterize fyodor, or any of decay of angels trio, very well half the time.

the reason I want to see more is because canonically, we know he is anemic and suffers from low blood pressure. however, I'm reluctant to write that for him because it's one thing to write like, transfems as a transmasc, there are similarities to be drawn from it, but things like anemia and chronic disability are a whole new ball game. I do not ever want to misrepresent any of that, and writing an ablebodied fyodor is just a. bit. disrespectful.

I mean I will write in his pov, of course. but I'd place him in higher stakes situations where his discomfort and pain isn't rhe sole focus so I don't have to write it in too much detail and write it all wrong. a bit of a cowardly approach maybe but until I really read a lot more that's all that's happening. unless it's like a menstrual disorder which. yeah. grimaces. but even that's inextricably tied to all his other issues, so.

17. What has been the proudest moment for you so far since you started writing?

oh boy. aside from all the times I've had authors I really admire acknowledge me and my writing, which is just. wow. its not that I think they are higher beings, but more like. if people who I admire think I am also worthy of admiration and think my fics are good. that my characters are well done....I remember the time a well-known author in the ZEROBASEONE rpf circles literally revived from her hiatus to comment on my fic!! to tell me how much she loved it. a fic that I genuinely wrote in like two hours for a member's birthday. (it continues to be my most popular fic for the fandom lmao) it was . wild. especially because I deeply admire her writing for being so introspective and critically challenging. augh.

but aside from all that,

probably the time I finished writing we were lost, looking for an answer. my last ever assassination classroom fic. I was largely out of touch with the fandom and the only reason I went through with this fic was that I promised my readers I would give it to them, and a lovely reader had left a comment about QPRs, and even a thing or two about Japanese law regarding it. writing that series, a silly series that I wrote out of frustration that my aroace-spec peers in the LGBTQIA+ community went through so much for just not adhering to the norm...well. guess who realized he's demiromantic demisexual through writing it 🤡

okay I derailed. the point of it is that by the time i done writing it I was kind of struck by how raw and real it felt, to me, and how I was proud of it. mainly because karma characterization is a tricky thing to do, in my opinion, and I'd done a pretty decent job. it also felt like an accurate representation of wanting someone who doesn't want you back like that, but wanting them close all the same. in general, it felt like a good representation of how scary and hopeless a queer teenager's life can be, especially at fifteen years old.

do I think I could have done better? yes, of course. I still think I have the drive to write it again, make an updated version. but I won't, because it was the first time in a long time that I wrote something that genuinely made me think differently about myself. I also think that it's a nice milestone marker. :)

fic ask game

[euphoniumpets]

The princess who never was | Tolya Yul Bataar x reader

Summary: Just like your brother, Nikolai, you never longed for the throne. So, you didn't hesitate to follow him to the sea, let along to fall in love with a certian heartrender.

Requested? Yes: Hi please could you write a Tolya x Reader fic?? Prompt being the Reader is worried about him getting hurt in a battle and he brushes it off, but when she gets hurt protecting him he realises how much she means to him?

A/N: girl, where are all the tolya fics??? I can literally only see little fics about him, i need more and tolya might be a little ooc in this since i've only know him based of the show. I know i haven't even finished my six of crows duology yet lmao but i'm just a slow reader who wants to buy more books in general, for the people who have sent in request, i see you! i'm just working slowly on the request!!!

(I changed the story a little bit but i hope you liked it)

Warnings: angst lol.

I DECIDED TO WRITE some fluff but it turned to angst lol

request rules | navi  | new masterlist

''You know, for a princess, you're quite handy with your sword fighting,'' Tolya remarked with amusement in his eyes as he looked at you. You chuckled and looked at him with a teasing smile on your face.

''You underestimate me,'' You pouted and lowered your sword before approaching him. ''It was my mistake, at first,'' Tolya admitted and chuckled as the two of you walked over to the edge of the hummingbird and looked over to the sea.

Along with the Sun Summoner, you'd been trying to find the Sea Whip for days. You was surprised that she had her suspicion on you and your brother, but she never voiced in any further. You found it quite amusing while she would say that she couldn't pick the finger on your brother.

When Tamar and Tolya had entered on the hummingbird for the first time, they recognized instantly that you were the princess and Nikolai was the prince. You knew that your identity wouldn't last long but Tamar and Tolya had shown their loyalty.

Ever since, you enjoyed having the twins around the ship. You liked Tamar quick wits and her teasing demanor whenever you and Tolya would often spent together, and when Nikolai was the protective brother.

And for Tolya, you liked him. He was different than the other princes you had met during your courting at the castle. Although, you were never a fan of his poetry. ''You know, back at the castle, I never went to the leassons whenever my mother would order me to,'' You replied and looked at him.

''I was like my brother, we hate the rules and would often be the troublemakers,''

''I can imagine you running around the castle,'' Tolya amused and you rolled your eyes. ''But, you know that you have to go back sooner or later,'' Tolya remarked. ''I know,'' You sighed. ''All though, it was never my dream to be a princess,''

''Let alone having to marry a prince that I barely know,''

''Is that why you chose your life at the sea?'' He asked, making you smile. ''The sea lets me who I am,'' You spoke. ''The castle never lets me do that,'' You spoke as you heard footsteps approaching you from behind. Turning around, you saw Tamar.

''We're close,'' She said and gestured to the side where you saw the island where the Sea Whip supposed to be according to Alina's tracker.

-

''You're not coming with us,'' Nikolai spoke when he saw you walking toward him down below deck. Everyone was preparing for capturing the Sea Whip and you looked at your brother with amusement.

''Funny one that you think you would stop me from going,'' You remarked and grabbed the swords. ''I'm serious,'' Nikolai retorted and grabbed your bicep to stop you.

''I will be fine, you have seen me of what I can do with these swords,'' You replied with a smirk and walked off. Nikolai sighed with annoyance before they prepared to walk to the island.

Finding the Sea Whip didn't take long since you had Alina's tracker and supposed to be a good one. ''There are holes in the cave floor,''

''So be careful where you step, otherwise, so,'' You gulped nervously and tried to stick closer to Tamar and Tolya. ‘’No, you can’t tell, or no, there’s nothing in there?’’ Mal asked him. ‘’Whichever makes you feel more comfortable,’’ Tolya remarked. ‘’Comfort is overrated,’’ Tamar commented, making you snort at her comment.

You heard a strange noise and suddenly, one of your crew got snatched by the Sea Whip. You gasped with shock and horror. ‘’Drop the nets! Aim to kill!’’ One of them spoke. You glanced around in every corner, in hope trying to find the Sea Whip. ''I couldn't see us, it's toying with us,'' You heard your brother speak.

''Converse your ammo, or we'll be dry by the time we need it,''

You exclaimed when you saw another crew member got dragged by the Sea Whip and you saw Tolya trying to keep you close. ''It can camouflage,'' You heard your brother speak with realiztion in his voice.

You gulped nervously as you kept your guard up and narrowed your eyes carefully. Nobody saw it coming when the Sea Whip showed itself again and lunged forward Tolya. ''NO!'' You screamed when the Sea Whip grabbed Tolya, but before the Sea Whip could even grab him, you stepped forward.

You grunted in pain when you felt the Sea Whip toss you into the wall.

''Y/N!'' You heard their voices as the Swa Whip was about to lunge forward again, Alina used her powers against the Sea Whip, making it drop to the water dead.

-

Back at the ship, Nikolai had to order Tolya to check on you if you had any injures before they could start with the amplifiers. ''I'm fine,'' You remarked and swatted his hand away.

''You're lucky that Alina was there and saved you,'' Tolya remarked, giving you a look. ''Do you have any idea how it would turned out if she weren't there?'' He asked, his voice hardening.

You frowned toward his behavior. Tolya was never the one who would snap at anyone. ''I am fine,'' You assured him, making him sigh. ''Yeah? But what would happen if I wasn't there to save you?'' You looked at him and it was then you understood.

''I couldn't bear the thought of losing you,''

''Tolya,'' You spoke with a low voice. Tolya was walking towards you closer and you could feel the heat from his body, his face almost close to yours.

You met his eyes but you felt your heart drop. You knew that he was right earlier and that you have to go back to your home sooner or later. And you knew that your life wouldn't allow to have Tolya with by your side.

''We can't,'' You whispered.

''I'm sorry,'' You spoke when his lips were dangerously close to yours and Tolya understood before he leaned back and walked away from you, leaving you alone in the room.

[yxstxrdrxxm-a]

Hi hi everyone, good evening! As of writing this, I have some news:

I haven't been able to write the drabbles (term 2 SUCKS and I am still adjusting, please dear God)

After One Last Call ends, I will take a week and a half off on writing because goddamn, writing for 30 matchups... Is not fun LMAO

Although I'm aware that I'm close to reaching 200, I will most likely delay the next event to 250 to give myself breathing room, haha. I've severely underestimated how much I have to manage in this event, so if you guys are fine with waiting on updates (and me being cryptic on the lore), that'd be appreciated.

Also, as a heads up: Behind the Facade's week 3 poll does affect just how much lore will be written for the entire week. Who knows? You guys might have some answers on your theories, and even if I'm dealing with... Uh, a lot of things in my personal life, I'm excited to see how you guys will react.

(I have a special little lore drop queued at the end of this month, so I'm very hyped when it gets down. I'd have to thank one of you who gave me the means to write it in advance.)

Anyways, that's all! I'm so sorry the blog's been dead for days ;v; college is not a fun time, and I'm building up the fics to be worth it. Although, as a heads up, some will be experimental in writing and may be more lore and less 'yandere' in the typical sense.

Anyways, that's all from me! Goodnight guys, and pray I get through this silly event in advance! ^^

[hellotemporaryuniverse]

Fic Writer 20 Questions

(Open) tagged by @kcrabb88 lol but I wanted to do it :)

How many works do you have on ao3? 51! (+7 on my secret alt)

What's your ao3 word count? 258,302 + 67,544 -

What fandoms do you write for? currently, it's just star wars, but I've written for criminal minds before and have some unposted marvel wips -

What are your top five fics by kudos? 1. Oathbreaking -Qui-Gon repudiates Obi-Wan and breaks their bond during the Phantom Menace Council scene and this has repercussions 2. Underestimation -The BAU team takes a case that reminds Reid uncomfortably of his childhood. Rossi finds him when he can't take it anymore 3. See My Dreams All Die -Obi-Wan kills Anakin on Mustafar and is severely wounded doing so. Palpatine is in need of a new apprentice, and Obi-Wan is so conveniently right there 4. 'Til the Sun Goes Down -Take Revenge of the Sith, but it's Obi-Wan instead of Mace who confronts Palpatine 5. Acquainted with the Night -(Unfinished) Reid is kidnapped on a case and the team races to find him (oh god, I can't believe my fifteen year old self's fics make this list) -

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I want to. desperately. it just takes a lot of time and social energy I don't have so I get behind and then I get overwhelmed. I've got 84 unanswered in my inbox currently, some of them months old :( -

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? it's a toss up between Nothing Gold Can Stay (rip Cody) and The Toll of the Bell (rip the Jedi) -

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? The one I just wrote for @ashinaburrito - Happily Ever After (quinobi ftw) -

Do you get hate on fics? I've gotten one or two comments that... disagree very strongly with certain decisions I've made in my fics but no outright flaming. I just delete them -

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? yes. and the kind you'll only know about if you reach level 20 friendship -

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? not really anymore? I did in my criminal minds phase. I had one years ago that never really got off the ground that was criminal minds/doctor who/x-men which doesn't sound that crazy, but I would think it was a fever dream if I didn't have the document -

Have you ever had a fic stolen? not that I'm aware -

Have you ever had a fic translated? no :') -

Have you ever cowritten a fic before? I have a wip buried in the backrooms that I was writing with @charrhylis. poke, poke, I mean, if you still want to... -

What's your all time favorite ship? all time??? codywan... but winterhawk is a close second -

What's a WIP you'd like to finish, but doubt you ever will? all of them lmao. I never know when a fic's going to make it to the finish line or not, but if I had to choose one... my The Will of the Force series. it is. such an ambitious project and I have so many other wips going on so I don't think it will ever happen but I stare at it wistfully sometimes -

What are your writing strengths? I have been told I write good dialogue which is funny because dialogue is hell and if I never had to write it again I would be the happiest person ever. unfortunately, it is difficult to write a story without it (believe me, I've tried. I actually succeeded once) -

What are your writing weaknesses? commas............. jk I'm mostly okay at them. my biggest weakness is my need to make everything perfect on the first go around instead of just getting shit on the page and so I agonize over word choice for hours and wind up with stilted sentences. takes ages to get anything done. -

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? if it counts as another language, I've written dialogue in dai bendu (Jedi conlang) before. I love it, languages are awesome. and with ao3 you can do hovertext so your readers don't get lost, which is cool. -

First fandom you wrote for? star wars! a wip graveyard fic. but then I moved on to criminal minds, and the first posted was from there -

Favorite fic you've ever written? oh geez uhhhhhh. this is hard because I like my fics for different reasons but... right now, I think it's Soldier, Poet, King just because it's such a good character study and I think it's beautiful. Hits all the right notes trope-wise too.

[away-ward]

Thank you for your reply, KO! This is the anon from #asked and answered 176.

1 yes i like your fics, i like no apologies the most because we had insights to emmy's career and life in sf. Emmy might find herself boring, but ive always been a busy body reader so i would eat up everything about her personal and professional life in sf. I still hated will there, but thanks to you i hated him 5% less

2 "Ummm. I do think it’s a little weird that you’ve read multiple PD books, and even finished the DN series… especially since you were looking forward to Will. Because I hated Will for the first three books and if I weren’t curious about Emory, I wouldn’t have finished the series at all."

KO, you've underestimated a loyal hate reader's journey of hate reading 😂 i love pd's writing and i love some of their books that were not DN because of the chemistry of the main lovers (theyre not bad as many have said actually), but i still hated the ongoing misogynistic dynamic that they always had in their books. Its like having an author that you majorly like what they do, but their side mistakes were big enough to irritate you so you remember them, kinda thing. Do you have these kinds of author that feel like this towards? To answer this simply: pd's books are like worms for brain for me. Like when i read books by Colleen hoover, or hd carlton, sophie lark, lauren asher, or susanne valnti &peckham. It's the kind of toxicity you need from time to time but still get mad and disappointed by your low expectation at their shit ass plot and mfcs and fmcs anyway, yk. 

KO, i cant lie, im just a hater first, a hate reader second and a reader third 🤣 once i stop, i cnat quit. Like damon torrance, that punk ass devils night philosopher said, sometimes you just want to feel everything including the ugly ones you know, and like michael crist the logician, you just gotta own it, before it owns you, GOD HAHAHAH i cant believe im using them as my metaphors right now!! Please bare with me here.

3 "I also find it equally weird that your first impulse after finishing a series you hate is to go to the tag of the character you hated the most? I mean, I’ve definitely clicked on hot-takes I know I’m going to disagree with and hate-read things, but it’s not my go-to."

hmm? KO, i think... youre just not as toxic of a reader than me, ohmygod, im so sorry! 🤣☠️ im really of those people that will immideately look up one and two star ratings on goodreads so that i know my feelings and thoughts were validated by other haters, lmao! Do not mind me, its not a good thing, but like damon torrance said, live, love, laugh, and hate, you know 🤩

4 thank you so much for your recs, i also actually grew up watching hana yori dongo! I watched the kdrama version too but idk if i'll watch the thai version. I have less patient for dramas now unfortunately, and the last drama i watched was "celebrity" on netflix, and i still havent finished it, even after 3 month ☠️ I used to love kdramas and lee minho was so popular back then, so i also watched him in "the heirs" too. Ohmygod his hairsyles in both dramas (boys over flowers and the heirs) were so funny, but i remember enjoying these stories a lot. I believe these two kdramas were released during the time where kdramas were having a lot more angsty romantic relationship than platonic ones and they both stood out among many others, not only because of lee minho, park shinhye and bunch of k-idols acting there, but also because of the friendships and platonic relationships shown that were fun to watch. It's a break from other dramas like moon embracing the sun, or my love from another star that were romance-heavy, yk. But tbh, i prefer my love from another star and moon embracing the sun more than bof/hyd and the heirs. If there are two recs i'd like to give you, they would be "hotel del luna" and "sky castle". God damn, i cried in every single episode watching these two dramas. They really touched my soul, everything was so good!

5 i havent scrolled through your blog and notice your recs for sempre, but from your recs, i checked and saw its goodreads rating and it's pretty high! Maybe i'll check it out if im interested. Seems like a mafia gang story? I need to be in the mood to be reading mafia stories because my first ones were from reading kpop mafia fanfics from years ago and the latest and the last one were the made series by danielle lori. The made series were entertaining but i noticed that i didnt care much about mafias? Hahahahah idk, and idc much about vampires, and wolf stories either, but i like faes. Not Sarah j maas type of faes, but holly black's and cassandra clare's. The ones that are beautiful, creepy, complicated and loves/have to lie but cant. So yeah, thanks for recommending sempre!

6 as for alex, im tired of her, and honestly i dont want to think about her anymore. I'll pretend nightfall alex never existed, and nightfall will grayson fucking died a gruesome death, becoming of two stupid selfish best friends who think theyre the only suffering in this world. You know this reminded me of a quote by madeline miller's Circe that really fits will's selfish behaviour especially in blackchurch: “He showed me his scars, and in return he let me pretend that I had none.” thats exctly how i felt throughout blackchurch. Because emmy always had to heavylift whatever bullshit that alexwillaydin put out to her. And as someone who was so used to just move forward and not caring about her small losses because she had suffered worse, emmy just had to act like she was okay with all the little hurts and cruelty cause by people, just because she loved them/will and wanted to not give up on him and give him a second chance, because he was hurting and she understood that he cared then (🙄). Good thing, she admitted she was at fault partly too, but god, i hated when she felt like she need to go above and beyond for a man who admitted didnt care enough about her. Gods, these mf men need therapy frfr.

7 "I truly am sorry that it was such a bad experience for you. You’re welcome to stick around, but I’m sure since you hated so much, you’re ready to move on after unloading like that. But it’s all good either way. I hope you’re on to better and better things." 

No need to be sorry, but you're right, i'm starting some new reads right now, and idk why, but kandi steiner, liz tomforde and laura pavlov really do be hitting with their releases!! Like their stories are not dark romance so tat cleansed me from devils night series a bit, and they are so fun to read! They gave me melanie harlow's vibes. If anyone's interested, i suggest checking out Blindside by Kandi Steiner, Right Move by Liz Tomforde, and all of these four authors backlogs tbh. Kandi Steiner even have like a college frat series? Which i havent checked out but it sounds fun, and its called Palm South University series.

I dont have anything else to add as well, thank you for reading my rants, have a nice day! I think this will be my last one, so goodbye!

KO, you've underestimated a loyal hate reader's journey of hate reading

Hey!! Okay. This is very helpful! Thank you for the insight. I’m not a stranger to hate watching/reading and (used to) do it frequently. And I would complain to all my friends about all the horrible stuff that was happening, but they knew I was having a good time.

It’s harder when I don’t really know who I’m talking to, to tell if I should take it seriously or if they’re enjoying the trash like me. We’re completely on the same page in that case so ignore very thing I said about not getting it. If you’re having a good time hating it, I got you!

i think... youre just not as toxic of a reader than me, ohmygod, im so sorry!

I might not be anymore but I definitely used to be, ngl. And I don’t know if you can end up running a DN blog without having some toxicity left in you??? I mean. We’re not here because this work was a masterpiece, am I right?

I don’t currently have any authors I must read/hate-read. Like I’ve said, I haven’t had the time to get into a lot of new stuff lately, and my tastes have changed. They could always change back, since reading is a mood-based activity. For now, though, I’ve left the dark and toxic behind for something that makes me feel good about the world.

i also actually grew up watching hana yori dongo! I watched the kdrama version too but idk if i'll watch the thai version. I have less patient for dramas now unfortunately

Oh my god the Kdrama! It was my first Kdrama. Fond memories. And no worries, I haven’t touched any drama in years. Truthfully, I think the only reason I can get into the Thai version is because of the familiarity.

but from your recs, i checked and saw its goodreads rating and it's pretty high! Maybe i'll check it out if im interested. Seems like a mafia gang story?  

It is, kinda? But it’s really layered, with a good plot and great characters. I could ramble about it for a while, but I don’t think anyone is interested currently, so I won’t burden you with it 😂

holly black's and cassandra clare's

I did really like the folk of the air series, and I read the spiderwick chronicles in middle school, but I haven’t gone back to holly black in a long time. I did want to read the new one but haven’t had the chance.

--

Oof Alex. Now that I know where you’re coming from, I can completely agree. I’ve been re-reading and analyzing her intro in Nightfall and how weird it was; how it derailed everything in the worse way. Sometimes, when writers are stuck on where to go with a scene or plot, there’s a tactic that’s recommended: have someone walk in with a gun. It causes enough of a upheaval to keep the plot moving. I’m not sure if that was what Alex was supposed to do, but it really didn’t work for me for a lot of reasons.

Because emmy always had to heavylift whatever bullshit that alexwillaydin put out to her. And as someone who was so used to just move forward and not caring about her small losses because she had suffered worse, emmy just had to act like she was okay with all the little hurts and cruelty cause by people,

Yes! She had to work so hard just for a little, and what killed me the most is reading her scenes where she agrees with them.

She has the moments of clarity, where it seems she remembers why she did what she did, and she's not sorry, and that she wasn’t to blame for what happened to Will. Then next minute… she’s back to blaming herself for no reason? I’ve said many times before that Emory’s guilt is misplaced, and at certain times, it can’t be ignored that it was really PD pushing this “Emory deserves this” narrative, but I just can’t jive with it at all. There's a question on her good reads page where she says that she thinks Will is the most justified in his hatred.

And just... no. He's not. Literally none of them were justified in their hatred. They had the right to feel wronged. Sometimes we feel wronged, even if we carry some of the blame for what happened. But to say they were justified is just over the line. I really wish PD had more balance when it come to assigning blame. I think this series would have benefitted if one of the themes of the story was that everyone makes decisions, and right or wrong, we have to living with them. These are the consequences.

Like their stories are not dark romance so tat cleansed me from devils night series a bit, and they are so fun to read!

Yeah, it’s always nice to find something new that works! Thanks for the recs. I hope if anyone is looking, they’ll look them up. Sorry I didn’t have more strong female friendships, but they can be tough to find in todays romance climate.

I totally get you not coming back. It was absolutely a blast talking to you and thanks for the clarification! It always helps.

Have a great one, KO

[theteasetwrites]

making the reader vegetarian in a twd fic: I think the exploration of hunting and killing animals for food (and actually having to look at meat up close - like nowadays, people who casually eat chicken nuggets can go without ever seeing an animal slaughtered, so I love writing about what it actually takes to kill and gut an animal for food and how that can mentally strain a person) is so interesting to write about, but it's also so interesting to write about someone being a vegetarian and holding strong on those morals even if it means they have less food options. especially contrasting them with an s/o like Daryl who is a meat eating man, and them bonding and meeting in the middle. I love writing relationships where it's like 'we disagree on this, we have different perspectives, but we won't argue about it constantly and it doesn't tear us apart.'

people who can't respect that type of writing philosophy are just ?? weird

THANK YOU. You are so right and I have said this before too when I was ranting about it last year.

I fully had reasons for making her vegetarian. It wasn't just because I am vegetarian but because it makes a really interesting dynamic between her and Daryl! And I totally agree—people underestimate how hard it would be to suddenly jump into the apocalypse (even for a meat eater) and to be killing and skinning and gutting and chopping up dead animals. It would be super hard. Very few people are like Daryl and can actually go out and hunt, even in the apocalypse. That's why Daryl does what he does. There are a lot of characters who we literally hardly ever see hunting/preparing animals in the show. Besides, my character DOES eat meat when she needs to. No matter how many times I emphasize that, it seems people still don't get it. Sorry she's not exactly like Daryl.

Oh but if reader has her own personality/isn't a badass who kills things then she's "unrealistic." I've read so many fics where the reader is a hunter, a martial artist, speaks ten languages, has a hot athletic body, is better than literally everyone else, etc., but being vegetarian is unrealistic... ok.

It also represents deeper stuff, like how she wants to cling to parts of the old world and who she was before the world ended. I purposefully describe her as being in touch with the world before. Something I try to talk about a lot in that series is how she doesn't want to become a hardened, emotionless person. She wants to still have the morals she had before the world ended, but as the series progresses, she learns how to balance that with the things she HAS to do in this world. She has to kill people, even though she doesn't want to. That is her biggest dilemma—how she has to come to terms with killing people. It haunts her, and yet all we seem able to talk about is how she's a vegetarian lmao.

Her being vegetarian was important for her relationship with Daryl even in the first season. When she thanked him for bringing back those squirrels for everyone at the quarry, he asked her why she was thanking him when she wouldn't even eat it, and she said, in so many words, that it's not about her—that it's about everyone else. I think that was important for the beginning of their relationship because it showed how selfless she is, like Daryl. So even though they differ in these surface-level ways, they are very similar: they both care about their families before they care about themselves.

But yes, you are so right. Sorry, I don't mean to take away from your statement haha. I start going off on tangents but basically I mean to say I totally agree with you. The vegetarian reader thing is really fun to do and it's not just about her being vegetarian for shits and giggles. It's about characterization and making the relationship more layered. Idk why it gets certain people upset. <3

[incorrectcoldflashblog]

💘🌈🌿🎀~ :)

Hi, friend :)

Is there any posted fic you want to rework/re-edit/re-write?

Oh, for sure! The very first fic I posted, Rogues & Mistletoe, was written for a Coldflash event and, uh, safe to say I completely underestimated how much I had already written, haha, and basically had to write 75% of the fic in one week, which is. Perhaps not the best way to get good results, at least for me. I still like my plot, but I’ve never re-read this one because I know I couldn’t help wanting to rework it and I simply don’t have the time! But yeah. It’s still my most popular fic though so go figure.

is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

I mean, I have to work *really fucking hard* on all my fics lmao because I write in English but my native language is French, haha. A lot of the time my fics start off full of holes, sometimes first drafts will even be just the dialogue plus a bunch of random pieces of sentences because having to Google everything (spelling, grammar, word translations, etc.) is too distracting when I’m just trying to get my ideas out. So yeah, all of my fics take a ton of work because they start off as this huge mess and then I have to piece it all back together ;)

how does creating make you feel?

Mmh. I had a really hard time answering that question because it really depends on where I’m at in the creative process. It can be the worst feeling ever when you’re stuck and your brain just won’t cooperate, and it can be the best when you’ve finally figured something out and pieces are suddenly falling perfectly into place like dominoes. So I think the best description of how it makes me feel is unhinged XD

give yourself a compliment about your own writing

Already answered this here but I guess if I had to pick something else I’d say that it’s very descriptive. A lovely commenter pointed out that I always try to describe everything from touch and smell, to thoughts and feelings, and I really appreciated them saying it so there you go :)

Thank you so much for asking <3

Real Fic Writers Questions

[plothooksinc]

🎀💝💥 :3

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing

.../mind goes utterly blank UHHHH I can write a good action scene! And I'm good at the small details-- things like atmospheric change and reactions (if person A does this what changes about the environment) kind of thing. I like to think I'm also reasonably good at setting up intelligent characters, but given it was just recently I noticed a giant plot hole upcoming in NRFTW about... two pages from where I was, I don't always succeed lmao. (I fixed the plot hole, but I'm annoyed I completely failed to realise it was there until I was so close to it--) Probably the biggest compliment I can give myself is that I'm comfortable with my writing. I go back and read it and I'm like "yeah, this is good." A lot of writers struggle with that insecurity, and there are a hell of a lot of writers better than I am (I am in awe of all of you) but that does not mean I am bad. I'm satisfied, and I'll only get better with time. It's a win win.

💝what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

This is much harder to answer. Generally speaking, the reaction I get to my fics is exactly what I'm expecting, which I guess means I'm aiming right. I do tend to sometimes over/underestimate how much a chapter within a story will resonate with readers-- like I'll write a chapter that is mostly exposition based and think people will find it annoying, and then it turns out it's their favourite chapter. Or I'll write scenes that I personally liked that barely get acknowledged. It all comes down to personal taste, and if I'm generally getting the right beats hitting with the audience, it's all good. \o/

💥find your least kudos'd fic - say something wonderful about it.

HMM I bet I know which one this is-- /goes to see Not including the AMV archive as that's not fic. ROFL okay, it's Breaking the Curse, which is literally an indulgent piece of crack I wrote for my friend @xzigzagx123 when she was having a bad day. Largely: when I started writing fanfic, I had a run of bad luck in which I'd inflict a wound on a fictional character and then... suffer it myself within the week. Which was frankly hilarious but rude (and entirely coincidental and thankfully didn't continue as a trend given... current fics... though I did end up on a gurney in ER last week /cough) and we used to joke that clearly all I needed to do was write a fanfic in which all characters involved had an amazing time on a beautiful island vacation somewhere. Hence this fic. ZZ was having a rotten day so I typed it up one afternoon and presented it to her, and she laughed her fucking head off so JOB WELL DONE. So I won't ever regret writing it, and I giggle enough re-reading it that it made the jump from ff.net for posterity. I do not expect it to get a lot of traction, and that is Perfectly Okay, given what it is. ♥ It's a present for my awesome friend, huhuhu.

Thank you for the questions!

Fic ask meme here.

[balcon1es]

hi Andy congrats on passing your manuscript! ^^ your fics are bangers so I'm betting on your original stuff too. I have to thank you because reading your prose always alters my brain chemistry and I mean this in the absolute best way. This is a roundabout way of asking for writing tips for original work 😭🙏🙏🙏

HELLO IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG this was such a kind ask, thank you so much for the encouragement!!! 🥰 it'll take a while before i hear anything back but aaa fingers crossed you know? so grateful to know you enjoy my work!

what type of writing are you working on? novels? short stories? is it your first venture into original fic? :) i wish i knew a bit more of what you're working towards anon, then maybe i can be a bit more helpful hmmmmmm i hesitate to offer anything that you weren't asking for

but i guess, in general, one of the most helpful pieces of advice i've ever received from an editor is that every story you write -- regardless of the form -- is a collaboration with the reader

reading is so much more rewarding if readers feel like they've arrived at the aha moments by themselves. when they feel like they've "worked" for their interpretation

i think a lot fanfic (and this is me calling myself out) tends to go for the BIG moments, the melodrama, the 'what things can we make our blorbo go through this time??' type of situations, yknow? and it's a style that works well, until it doesnt

when i started writing original stuff a few years ago i struggled uhhh Majorly with this mindset. it's easy to handhold in fic, personally at least, because we got no time not to get our narrative across exactly the way we said it will. we set up expectations with a fic summary, and as the fic author you kind of are expected to fulfill them

(ie. if it's a hurt/comfort fic, there's gotta be comfort after the hurt; if you say it's a slowburn, we all know what we're getting. etc etc)

those first stories i wrote had to be rewritten heavily because i didn't know how to write with restraint. there's a quiet power with subtle revelations VS spelling out what exactly what character is feeling straight out on the page

So, in terms of practical advice on a craft level, what i found worked for me is:

not underestimating your readers! they'll come up with their own conclusions. even if they're not necessarily the ones you intended. its cool. embrace the ambiguity!

this is related - resisting the urge to over-describe; i think reading flash helped me so much here! since you have so little real estate on the page you're kind of forced to be innovative in every way

recognizing and swapping out easy cliches in your language (again, calling myself out)

another writing exercise I ADORE is to take an otherwise emotionally charged scene and "write it cold"

kind of. writing around the Big Awful Thing

i think you'll enjoy what you'll create with a muted palette, and when you trust your own voice (and the reader!) to "get" it!!!

THIS IS SO LONG SO FEEL free to ignore every single thing i've written here! take only what works for you lmao i hope this was helpful even a little bit!!! and thank you for the ask i always love talking about craft and writing <3

[whimsicalcotton]

⭐_⭐?

okay i'm going to cheat a lil bit bc you sent me two stars so. two chunks i've been dying to talk to about. sorry hjhdfgdj

first off, this bit from ch.5 of Polluted Marrow;

She atones for what’s about to come out of her mouth by letting herself be gathered up and held still, gritting her teeth through the pins and needles of unwanted touch. And there, cradled in her mother's arms where no one else can hear her muffled voice as it creaks and croaks and crackles into being, Max delivers the killing blow. "I-If you want me in Seattle, you'll have to take me back in a bodybag." It works like a charm, ugly though it may be. First the arms around her slacken in surprise, then her mother pulls back to look at her, paled and appalled, hands tightening around her shoulders. Max holds her stare, because she means it with every mangled fibre of her soul. It's not a persuasion. It's a promise, a threat and a confession inextricably linked, crowned in shame and so, so heavy.  Yet more weight to shed.  And Max funnels all of that dread and disdain straight into her expression. She may still be small, she may look like nothing more than frail prey, but she's not the wide-eyed, innocent child her mother is thinking of. She can look out for herself, even if she treats it as an annoyance. She's taught herself discipline, focus, despair, perseverance. She can take hit after hit, and if she falls she knows to pick herself back up, dust herself off and get back in the ring. She’s been face to face with one of the most insidious creatures this world had to offer and made herself sharp enough to match him. Besides, it would be foolish to underestimate a prey's ability to injure. A deer's antlers can still batter, a rabbit's teeth can still puncture. She can see the realization dancing in her mother's gaze, bewilderment and worry marred by terror's gleam. 

okay so for some reason when i was writing up my brainstorming notes for this chapter, i did this scene from vanessa's perspective which was. really unhelpful when it came to actual writing but i managed to get something useable out of them lmao. anyways i specifically said "she's looking at Max and she's seeing all of her stubbornness and all of Ryan's quiet simmering determination" which i thought was metal af but i couldn't actually put it in bc of how i tend to do pov's. i still tried my best to weave The Vibe of it in there tho

speaking of Ryan there was also a little bit just before this where i mention that he isn't there, which stems from my headcanon that he's always felt really fucking bad about moving Max away from Chloe, so he tried to make it 'worth it' by working extra to have a bit more money. however this doesn't really work in his favor bc he ends up doing a fuckload of overtime and just doesn't have much time off so Max has been feeling more and more distant from him over the years; hence why she's not surprised + the slightest bit bitter in thinking, "But he's not here."

for my already cheating second bit i'm going to cheat More and talk about a fic i haven't even finished yet bc i'm really meguca-brained today.

so from the as of yet unpublished sequel to Spiderlily, Daffodil;

She sets a plate down in front of Homura. A meagre portion compared to her own, hardly more than a few spoonfuls.  "Eat," she says, nodding towards it. Homura blinks down at it. She can still taste saltwater. A scoff, small and hollow. Kyoko sits herself down on the opposite side of the table in a harsh, hapless heap. "Mami's too gentle on you, lettin' you skip meals all the time. Eat it or I'll kick your ass." There's no real threat in her tone, just low, weighted exhaustion. Her stubbornness remains intact, however. She sits there, stare piercing, arms crossed, until Homura finally takes a bite. Only then does she start on her own dinner.

i just. i'm so normal about my wraith timeline Kyoko and Mami looking after Homura like she's their sad wet dumpster cat <3

Kyoko tries her best to be patient but she projects a lot of her Sayaka trauma onto Homura and is much more willing to ask questions/call her out than Mami is. she and Mami have spoken at length about What To Do With Homura basically and most of the time she secedes to Mami's insistence on not pushing her too hard.

This scene takes place after Homura's done some Self Destructive Shit (again) and also Mami's not present so Kyoko has free reign to be as insistent as she wants. But despite grumbling about Mami being too gentle she is, in fact, also being super gentle by way of making dinner and tea and just doing her best to take care of the absolute trainwreck that is wraith arc Homura.

[pinewoodpipit]

Mozzfic Fic Meta

Finally the project I’ve been working on for MONTHS is done! I’m so, so fond of this fic. I worked hard on it and I really love how it came out. I’ve got quite a bit to say about this fic, so I’ll break it into sections!

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General Thoughts

First, some general thoughts which were going to go into my end notes but they were getting much too long, so they’re going in here.

I was originally going to call this fic "Brie Mine" as a cheese pun, but I eventually decided I wanted to take it more seriously.

I had this idea while tipsy and having some mozzarella sticks while on call with my partner. My thought process was somewhere caught between “I love my partner / I love mozzarella sticks / I love KaiKali” and somehow my wires got crossed. Not complaining, I love this silly little fic and its silly little origins. I will never cringe for loving someone, even when I’m being an embarrassing slightly drunk person about it.

The quotes before each "chapter" are translations from Sappho. Because of that, I want to note that while most people associate Sappho with lesbianism, in my headcanon these characters are bi and I am not writing them as lesbians. While lesbians are valid whether they've dated men in the past or not, I still see these guys as being attracted to all genders in the present. This is the case for all of my headcanons regarding the K/D/A group; they're all bi in my heacanons, and I usually headcanon them all in a very happy, loving polycule (just not in this particular fic, as this isn't specifically the K/D/A-verse and is only inspired by it). This headcanon of mine is kind of referenced by Ahri and Evelynn's open relationship and Kai'sa having slept with them (platonically) in the past, but it's not 100% canon to this fic. Maybe in the future they all take that step, who knows? Not particularly important information here, I just wanted to clear this up in case anyone was wondering.

One more lighter note is that I chose Nashramae as a place for them to live because I felt Kai'sa wouldn't be so willing to just leave Shurima after being torn away from it so long, and Ezreal has been noted to have visited here, giving them a chance to meet. I felt Akali might be more likely to leave Ionia with her family given how wartorn Ionia is from its fight with Noxus, although I was torn since it wasn't particularly likely for her to leave, either; just slightly more likely than how I felt about Kai'sa leaving Shurima. It was a hard choice and there wasn't particularly a city which felt right, but Ezreal's visit was the excuse I needed to pick this one as a final city. It's a modern day AU, though, so there are buses, public transport, and other general modern conveniences alongside the lovely silk markets and trading harbour. It being in Shurima also added more reason for Kai'sa to underestimate how badly it was going to rain in that first section, lmao.

One last thing; this fic took me many months to write, and it ended up a lot longer than I expected. I don’t know why it took me so long, really? I was very passionate about it that entire time (so it’s not like I lost interest), but there were a lot of things happening in my personal life and I guess I found it easier to grab onto smaller projects and finish them for the little happiness boosts I needed to get by. It’s here, though, finally as good as I wanted to make sure it could be, and I couldn’t be happier with it.

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Comphet, relationship trauma, and internalised homophobia

On the topic of comphet, internalised homophobia was a large part of Kai��sa’s struggle in this fic. It’s something a lot of queer folks struggle with tremendously when they first figure themselves out, but it’s not something I see talked about very often. Kai’sa in this fic wasn’t homophobic by any means when she worked out her identity, she was a large ally, but it wasn’t something she ever thought would apply to her. She grew up in a very turbulent, rapidly changing environment, without much of any support system, and so she’s fragile about things which might hurt her.

If you go through enough school changes and meet just the wrong people, you can get trained into believing some awful things about yourself. Kai’sa was now faced with the realisation that people had ammo to throw at her now, and she also struggled with feeling predatory for liking women. It was something she had to unlearn, and she did so without a support system. Ezreal’s lack of communication was the nail in the coffin, and it meant she went through that unlearning process, and the process of coming to terms with herself and growing, alone. When she found Ahri and Evelynn, she was already significantly far along her healing journey.

Akali renewed that fear because she signified a step she hadn’t taken in actually dating a woman - she’d slept with Ahri and Evelynn by this point. It would mean making herself vulnerable to another potential catastrophic breakup which almost shattered her the first time. It was less about being gay at that point (although that was definitely part of it, as it was still new to her), and more about the fact that taking that step and entering a relationship with Akali meant she was throwing open the doors and letting Akali aim a crossbow directly at her heart. Kai’sa just had to trust that Akali knew to talk rather than shoot.

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NSFW Thoughts and Headcanons

NSFW hcs for these guys… I have a few. I’ll list them out in bullet points here with a simple explanation.

In my headcanons, especially in relation to her regular/canon LoL story, Kai’sa does not enjoy penetration. In my view of her character, she has been through far too much over the course of her life and had enough outside forces have violating say over her body that I imagine anything like that would be a very uncomfortable concept for her. This is very much me projecting my own issues onto her and using the symbiotic as a metaphor for trauma, but it’s a headcanon I feel strongly about. It’s not a complete rule for her, as in my headcanon she’s sometimes okay being strapped by the occasional person and ofc she did sleep with Ezreal, but it’s not something she wants to have happen every time she sleeps with someone.

Akali’s a total switch. I like to imagine she’s capable of and happy with being both a top and a brat bottom. In this fic, given Kai’sa’s distaste for penetration, I had her take the brat bottom route - the “I’m going to be a little shit and annoy my loved ones until they fuck me about it” kind of bottom. She knows Kai’sa and she knows how to push her buttons, and she likes gently bullying her lovers until they kiss her just so she’ll shut up. For real, this is one of the best parts of being in a relationship. Annoying your partner (of course making sure that it’s teasing annoyance and not actual upset or discomfort) is great fun. As good at she is at bottoming, though, you KNOW this girl has incredible strap game. She probably gives incredible head, too. Nobody’s that confident and smug without being able to back it up.

In terms of the wider KDA polycule:

I like to imagine that Evelynn’s happy doing whatever. She enjoys being fucked, but she also likes to top and take people apart. It makes her feel powerful to see someone come undone under her hands. She knows what she’s doing and she just enjoys making her partners feel that good.

Ahri in my mind is a total bottom, by choice. She totally could top and I imagine with her charm she could give someone an incredible orgasm, but this girl can absolutely get away with lying back and taking it, so that’s what she does most of the time. I like to imagine that she’s also dating Yasuo while the rest of the polycule isn’t, and he’s equally as much of a simp for her as the rest of them. This isn’t to say she’s a selfish lover and she’ll gladly reciprocate - she’d never refuse a chance to fuck her partners into the mattress - but she very much enjoys having her lovers take good care of her and prefers that over topping.

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Fanfic playlist:

I have a Spotify playlist for this fic, which normally I’d share, but I don’t think there’s a way to make the creator of a playlist anonymous, and I want to retain my privacy (if there is a way, I’d love to know!). Instead, I’ll just share the individual songs on it.

She - dodie

Everything Goes On - Porter Robinson, League of Legends

Stray Italian Greyhound - Vienna Teng

Would You Be So Kind - Jodie

ICARUS - STARSET (this one is less relevant to this fic but it has always reminded me of Kaikali for whatever reason)

The Messenger - Linkin Park

Ghost - Mystery Skulls

I Am Not A Robot - MARINA

U.N.I - Ed Sheeran

Wasteland, Baby! - Hozier (this one is where the official title of the fic came from, even if I mostly just call it “mozzfic”!)

Pluto - Sleeping At Last

Heather - Conan Grey

Raw - Sigrid

Turning Page - Sleeping At Last

Thus Always To Tyrants - The Oh Hellos

Born2Run - Penelope Scott

Tongues & Teeth - The Crane Wives

Home - Bruno Major

Curses - The Crane Wives

Forest Fires - Lauren Aquilina

Boats & Birds - Gregory and the Hawk

These songs all encompass the main emotions of this fic, at least to me, which are feelings of self doubt, pain over past losses and traumas leaving scars on your current psyche, feeling like you’re destined to end up alone and don’t deserve your loved ones, and on the other side, the utter softness and warmth of love. Finding someone and just instantly connecting with them after so long, after so many years of loneliness and being in pain, being left behind, you can finally take a breath and know that it’s them. After it all, after everything, it’s finally them. You try to resist it, feeling those past patterns touching on your fears and making you want to push them away to protect yourself, but in the end, you give in and open your heart to them, because they’re worth it. The songs word their themes much better than I could, but I found they all shared a strong identity with what I wanted from mozzfic.