#and how his father made him want to be a good father bc he wants to give his kids what he was missing as a kid
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𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐧 𝐟𝐫𝐮𝐢𝐭 || 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐮𝐬 𝐀𝐜𝐚𝐜𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐱 𝐋𝐮𝐜𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝐕𝐞𝐫𝐮𝐬
summary_ having an affair with General Acacius overseas while conquering lands turned into a problem after coming back to Rome, when you fell for a gladiator that turned out to be a missing prince.
warnings_ CRINGE, girthy age gap (legal) (I’m 20, sorry) historical inaccuracy, angst, violence, gore, animal death, sexism and misogyny, fluff but angst, a lot of canon divergence bc I said so. NO PROOFREAD, BEWARE!
note_ i can’t remember if Denzel’s character was named Macrino, I can’t remember which year the movie is set in, I can’t remember many things but let me know if I fucked up too much. And listen to fallen fruit from Lorde while reading.
♪ ♫ Pedro playlist | ✰ Index (+ fics here)
𖦹°⭒˚。⋆ 𓆇𓆸⋆。𖦹°⭒˚。⋆ 𓆇𓆸⋆。𖦹°⭒˚。⋆ 𓆇𓆸
The sea was a free land. Nobody could conquer it because there wasn’t anything valuable floating around. Perhaps at the bottom of the ocean, a treasure may lay, but no man had shown the desire to dive into the deep.
The screams of the innocents are loud enough to make you feel empathy for them. But Acacius had trained you to put a mask of neutrality when leading war.
Loving the most effective soldier of Rome was your little secret. He married the daughter of an old emperor and he fought to get her privileges and prevent her from danger.
Always the insane little girl running around the palace, rambling about plants, the stars, a dream of Rome in flames. It was enough to be secretly sent to a scribe's university in Egypt for some time.
Upon your return, not much had changed, only that your father, once lead of the council, then the wise of Rome had died. Consequently, your evil stepbrothers were crowned emperors. They named you a soldier and made sure you were at every battlefront, hoping for your death.
But your general trained you well, and with months of practice, you ended up tangled up with him on his sheets in Greece.
Adultery was considered a crime in Rome and you’d give the perfect reason to your brothers to burn you like a witch. Or worse, to send you to fight at the arena of the Colosseum.
But the people who accompanied you and Acacius overseas were loyal and couldn’t care less if you had an older man fucking you each night. They only cared about you being a good soldier on the battlefront and being a good princess in Rome.
With a couple of hours left to be home again, you had your wounds checked. Conquering Numidia was one of the last African cities to be marked by the Romans and your brothers desperately wanted to own it. Only a few burns scattered across your leg and your shoulder needed stitches were the price to pay.
The wooden floor creaked and the general turned around alert but as soon as he saw you, he seemed to calm down.
Your arms wrapped around him and he immediately had to lean and kiss you. His lips tasted like devotion, peace, and lust. Acacius always grabbed your hips first. Then he moved to your waist, only to end up caressing your cheeks as his lips kept marking you his.
“What did the doctor say?” asked Acacius as he gasped for air.
“Nothing to worry about…” You nodded at him and he turned his back to you again, looking at his open windows, to the sea.
“What about yours? How is the scar on your nose?”
“It’s fine. Could’ve been worse” You walked towards him, sensing he had bathed like you as well, his hair looked perfectly curly and you couldn’t help but smile.
You could stay looking at the horizon forever, just because he was by your side. The sound of the waves calmed your mind after another day of calamities brought by war.
“For those who chose the sea, greatness waits at the end of the rainbow,” you said smiley. But the general remained stood silent.
“Those are ludicrous tells, the truth is that even war has infected the sea as well.”
“Because we chose to fight, then yes, the sea is also an arena. But if we chose not to, the way will not depict war” his eyes kept looking at you, completely fixated and even threatening, like Acacius was trying to understand how much you were judging him.
“We do this because we don’t have any other choice, princess y/n,” Acacius said, finally turning to look at you.
“We could run away, to the south, the islands of the Tyrrhenian Sea are empty, nobody wants to live there” your voice trembling, nervous and waiting for his response. He stared at nothing, probably thinking. And that made you uneasy.
“I can’t leave Rome, I have to go back to…” he said coldly.
“Your wife….Right”
Silence. Even the sea seized the sound of the waves.
“Haven’t you told her?”
“What’s there to be told? I said this was only a thing of passion and lust” You bit your tongue at his harsh words.
“Was it? Would you say that all those nights you shared your past with me meant nothing, Marcus?”
There it was. His most personal name, that one nobody used. The general got closer to you, paying attention to your face. Princesses did not have scars, but you did. He wanted to say so much, but he couldn’t. You noticed how his fingers were about to trace the pink scar on your chin but he moved away.
“I was drunk most of the nights, doping the pain” Finally your eyes crystallized.
“Do you love Lucilla, General?” His steps stopped then turned around to face you one last time.
His eyes looked doubtful but soon landed on his feet.
“… I do love her” you nodded, holding the tears and bursting out of his room in anger.
“Of course you do”
Your disappointment was so evident that Acacius was able to look at your face reddening and tears falling freely. He could only sigh and go back to pack his things and get ready to arrive in Rome again.
If only you knew…
…
The crowds of Rome couldn’t stop screaming your name. It was “PRINCESS Y/N!” and “ACACIUS!” everywhere.
You were no hero, you just wanted a peaceful life in a free Rome with the man you loved. And you can feel his hand brushing yours while his left salutes the parade of people chanting both of your names. The truth is you have no purpose but to serve your brothers and pretend that is your life.
The twins always hated you. Their mother was a wealthy woman but yours was the emperor’s true love. The twins used to pull your hair and always picked poisonous berries to give you as a meal while being toddlers. It got worse as everyone noticed you were your father’s favorite. And with him gone, you were utterly alone in the world.
Your clumsy steps made you arrive later. There was no crown for you waiting like it had been for Acacius. Geta and Caracalla were talking to him. And when you noticed the sword in the general’s neck, your face went serious.
“Do not forget the privileges we’ve made for your wife” you heard Geta saying.
“Same benefits we’re making for your whores, frater” The twins turned to look at you, quickly releasing Acacius and going straight to you. Their golden armors were a mere matter of display. They could barely wield a sword. They were bad with the bow and arrow and their reflections were poor too. They were good with numbers and shapes, but that wasn’t much in the city they shaped. One full of segregation and violence.
“Dear, soror… you’re back…” you think Geta gets closer to hug you, but his hand has raised and he gives you a sharp slap across the cheek.
“Dazzling and with such a big mouth as always” he added while you looked down, your cold hand against the reddening skin and sending him the worst look you had.
“Leave the princess alone, emperor. We should be focusing on the games ahead. We brought many slaves that some of them could fit as gladiators” Acacius said, looking affectionately at you, with disguise.
Caracalla only laughs in your face and his monkey reaches you for some seconds, but your brother pulls him away quickly. You wonder how far his disease has spread. Before leaving Rome, he was completely against seeing a doctor.
“Acacius is right, Geta. Let’s focus on the games” the twins agreed but sure, they had to humiliate you one last time.
“Alright then. But the next time I see you, dear y/n… I don’t want to see your hair down freely. You look like a whore and not the princess of Rome” he whispered loud enough to make everyone hear. But finally, the twins were gone.
“Are you alright?” The general asked but you rolled your eyes.
“I don’t need your help, Acacius. I’ve dealt with Geta and Caracalla since the day I was born. Which was before we met you” he sighed, understanding you were still mad from your last conversation. He appreciated your free hair, long and healthy despite the fires you went through while in combat.
“I just don’t want to see you hurt. It’s enough they sent you to serve in the war when you should be here, safe from the horrors”
“Go home to your wife, Acacius. Your dinner will be cold…” you spit out with a bitter tone before walking away, disappearing through the walls of the palace.
…
Standing naked, dripping, and waiting for servants to dry you up, you stare at the dress hanging in your room. It had been months since you wore a dress, used to armor and tight braids, and the sensation of the fabric felt odd.
As a kid, you wished to befriend your servants, but they remained professional and apologetically brushed away your questions. Which made you feel even more lonely while they dressed you up; placing gold jewelry and rings with quartz, spraying perfume, and cleaning your teeth. Geta and Caracalla always stole the sweets from you as kids, you thanked them because instead, it was Caracalla who ended up with a decayed tooth and a gold one as a replacement.
“You’re ready, princess,” said one of the servants and you smiled at her as a thank you.
The whole time while you and your brothers awaited to arrive at the Colosseum, you ignored them. You sneaked away as soon as you arrived. Knowing the place like the palm of your hand, you took a secret passage, in hopes to go and tend your horse to delay the entertainment as long as you could.
Gladiator fights were of no interest to you. But the people loved it. Their ignorance made you understand why they hadn’t tried to throw your brothers from the thrones.
But being months away made you forgetful of the architecture of the Colosseum, forgetful enough to end up in the cells of gladiators. Looking perplexed, you gulped nervously. There were indeed many slaves brought.
Being the only woman there made you the center of attention. Even worse when you looked exactly like a princess would do.
“Princess y/n, What are you doing here?” Asked one of the high-rank soldiers, running towards you.
“I wanted to tend my horse. It was brought here by accident” you replied, eyes wandering through the cells, noticing the people inside them were full of new people, probably from Numidia. You wonder if they recognized you.
Your eyes met the ocean-blue ones of a man, he certainly recognized you as he looked at you with anger. You gulped once again, looking away from him. But his gaze had been so strong that you didn’t hear a servant come running from the end of the hallway.
“A TIGER ESCAPED! A TIGER ESCAPED! CLOSE THE DOORS!” he screamed and soon everyone went into panic mode. You didn’t have enough time to process what he said and do anything. You stood there confused for some seconds. The violent roars of the animal could be heard closer. You looked around trying to find a weapon.
“Stay behind me, princess,” said the same soldier but you didn’t trust him so you went to grab a bow and arrow. The prisoners yelled and quickly you understood they were having a private show. They hated you for being Roman, and they thought they would see you dying.
But you wouldn’t give them that satisfaction as much as you sympathized with them.
The tiger appeared, big and imposing. The animal was angry, visibly distressed, and ready to attack.
You had killed men, but an animal was different. There was no exact description of what to do. Just pure instinct. So you try to calm yourself before the tiger spots you and the soldier, who are the only ones that remain vulnerable. The guards closed the entrances as protocol, unbeknownst that you were there. And it had been too late to use the secret passage.
You felt the same man’s eyes on you and indeed, he looked carefully at you, probably wondering what would be your next move.
“PRINCESS, STAY AWAY!” The soldier screamed when the tiger came running towards you two.
The tiger jumped and threw the soldier, roaring as it tried to kill him. So you ran away in hopes of aiming at the eye of the animal to gain time. Your hands shaking and you could feel your legs get tangled up in the fabric of your dress. But your nervousness isn’t visible as your hands work on getting ready for the arrow. You don’t have time to calculate, the tiger has already bitten the soldier’s fingers.
You hit it very near the eye and the animal roared even louder, in pain. That’s when you spotted the sword the soldier had left behind, where you threw yourself to, as the tiger had tried to attack you again. The man with blue eyes pushed the sword towards you from inside the cell and you didn’t even look to thank him, you only grabbed the weapon and rolled to the right before the animal could scratch your face and kill you.
You heard the soldier cry out in pain but you couldn’t help him. Thinking you could end the beast chasing you, you failed, sinking the sword in the ribs of the animal. You felt a deep scratch in your arm and you cried out. Anger quickly builds up as you know you had to get out of there before everyone at the coliseum found out. The tiger roared one last time and before it could throw you to the sandy ground you grabbed another arrow and directly pierced the eye of the animal. Blood starts pouring and before the tiger can try to bite and break your neck, your hands end up in its mouth.
The fangs were dangerously digging into your hands and more blood started coming. Scarlet droplets fell all over your face and you didn’t care. You screamed in pain and pulled all the strength in your body to put the pressure on your arms and hands. The men inside the cells cheered and made you even more angered. Until you had torn open the tiger’s mouth, breaking its jaw and killing the animal.
Breathe….
Pushing the dead animal aside, you sighed, resting on the dirty floor for a couple of seconds before taking a long breath and standing up.
Every man inside each cell looked at you quietly. What’s there to say?
Five guards open the main entrance and look confused at the mess, then at you tending the heavily injured soldier.
“Bring a doctor,” you tell them and they nod without asking more questions. Only one comes to your side.
“The games are about to begin, princess. I must escort you back to where you should be” Trying to catch your breath, you nodded.
“Do not say a word about this mess” The guard only bowed his head in agreement.
The least you could do was to put some bandages around the bloody hand of the soldier. Then you cleaned yourself and noticed you were a mess.
Giving that soon-to-be gladiator one last look, you tried to thank him with your eyes for what he had done to help you. He understood, giving you a cold nod.
And as you walked towards the royal platea, you wondered if that was the slave your brothers mentioned. A poet…
“Oh heavens! What happened to you?” Asked Lucilla as soon as you tried to take a seat beside Geta. Then everyone turned to look at you in horror. You noticed Acacius looked worried and he couldn’t keep his eyes away from the blood in your dress and bandaged arm.
“An accident” you replied politely at the woman, not in the mood to face the wife of your ex-lover.
“You look horrible,” said Caracalla.
“It won’t; happen again, frater” you tiredly answered, sinking onto the chair, ignoring Acacius’ eyes on you.
Soon you are surprised to see the gladiator who helped you in the arena. You don’t face him when he ends up winning and he looks at you. But you do notice Lucilla’s behavior and quickly you have connected the dots.
What an odd coincidence…
…
This time, you checked the animals first, then you made sure nobody had seen you entering the cells, but you went where the mysterious gladiator of blue eyes rested.
“Barbarian, monkey eater, slave, gladiator…. Prince of Rome, How may I call you? Hanno or Lucius?” Soon you had him inches away from your face. At that moment, you had time to appreciate his features. He was handsome and looked pretty much like he belonged to Roman royalty. But his gaze was fueled by anger and pain.
“What do you want?”
“I know Lucilla came before me. She had been waiting for you ever since I can remember” he looked at you with cold eyes and unbothered. But you knew he was curious about you too.
“What do you care? You’re the princess, you support all of this” his anger was palpable, it was part of his way of fighting you had noticed.
“Who did you lose?” You asked.
“My wife” he replied after a little silence, you nodded apologetically. He didn’t believe you.
“My father was a friend of your grandfather, part of the council. Now I realize that when he was elected emperor, he started hunting you down. I’m sorry”
“You don’t. You joined their cause and you fight proudly on the battlefront. I saw you…” you chuckle sarcastically.
“The twins you met the other day are my half-brothers. And they have tried to kill me since I was born. They sent me to war as punishment, but Acacius trained me well enough to survive each battle”
“So what? Should I pity you?”
“No, please don’t. But I don’t support any of this. I want to be a free woman and be with the man I love but I don’t think I’ll live enough to make it happen” he seemed interested in your words but pretended he wasn’t. Either way, you kept talking.
“You can’t kill Acacius. He’s leading a rebellion against my brothers” he stood quiet, trying to taste the lies in your words. But you seemed very truthful.
“Interesting that you want his head when all I’ve wanted is his heart” Through the cell his eyes sparkled and looked tentatively at you, for some seconds you got too attached to them.
“What about Macrino?” The old man had been trying to gain your brother’s trust and you thought that was suspicious.
“Don’t trust him. Stop sharing any detail that could tell him what you want or fear”
“I don’t trust you either”
“You shouldn’t,” you said, a little smile unconsciously appearing on your face. And to your surprise, Lucius smiled too. There was something about you that he found lovely. You seemed honest, but he couldn’t trust you yet. So he cursed once you had left, you had him looking forward to meet you again.
…
Across the room runs a large table filled with food. A variety of fruits, bread, lamb, duck, pork, and lots of wine. Your hands float around the punch though, reminding you of the first time you tried Egyptian beer. You ended up drunk with Marcus Acacius, laughing on the sand and soon both ended up naked. You frown, trying to forget that messy night.
“You’ve been oddly quiet these past days,” said Lucilla appearing by your side, grabbing more fruits and placing them on her plate.
“I’ve been busy”
“Have you met Macrino?” She said pointing in disguise at the man who laughs with some senators and your brothers.
“He’s been around for some time. But I don’t like him” you confessed.
“I’ve also met his poet gladiator” you added, opting to not look at her eyes because she responded very shocked.
“What?”
“He wants to kill Acacius for the death of his late wife, avenge his homeland, etcétera etcétera. I told him not to because we plan to free the city. You can’t proceed with the nonsense of taking him out of the Colosseum. Your son can’t be the alibi to start a revolution, Lucilla” you said whispering. She gasped in shock, wondering how you knew already. All while you carefully watched if any of your brothers or that nosy man were looking. Not even Acacius was looking.
You sigh, shrugging and looking at the woman.
“As soon as he came out wielding that sword in the arena, your face said everything. Then just by hearing his mysterious backstory. It was obvious, Lucilla” She didn’t say anything else, so you continued.
“I shall repeat myself once again. You won’t encourage Acacius to get your boy out of the Colosseum.”
“Why not?” you chuckled at the woman.
She was very pretty, sweet and caring. No wonder why the general loved her.
“You and your husband were lucky that I found out one of your maids heard everything and was about to spill it”
“What did you do, y/n?” She asked tired, thinking destiny was so meticulous and how you had ended up in such a position to hear and stop the maid before chaos unleashed.
“Let’s say I granted her eternal silence,” you said, Lucilla sighed, understanding. And before she could thank you, you spoke again.
“Wait till Lucius is in the arena to save him. And stop looping Acacius into this madness, you’ll make him get killed” She understood everything by the way your eyes looked at her. It shocked her, but she remained calm as you left to sit at the table. Only a woman in love spoke with a mix of venom and sweetness like that.
Taking a seat beside the General, he turned to look at you.
“What were you talking about there with Lucilla?” He asked in a very low but deep tone.
“Just gossiping about Senator Brutus and his new wife…” he knew you were lying but tried to act normal.
“Princess y/n… How true are those rumors about you breaking the jaw of a tiger?” asked a scribe, making you look away from Acacius, Lucilla returned to the table and your brother was already laughing at you for something you couldn’t hear.
“Well… it’s true, domine.” The table burst into laughter. Only the general and his wife remained silent.
“You did what?” Asked Acacius looking at you in horror.
“A princess shouldn’t be in combat” added Macrino, making you set your eyes on him.
“Oh I am a princess but I’m also a soldier, domine. And I have to thank my brothers because they made me a woman capable of wielding more than one weapon by sending me to war” The twins stopped laughing. Geta sipped from his wine and returned to you.
“That’s true. While you were there getting battle scars, Caracalla and I focused on diplomacy, ensuring we gained more land” You want to laugh at his face. The council did that, not the twins.
“Did you ensure the poor were stable by cutting from the rich? Did you do the math to financially cover each branch Rome rules, Geta? Or did you and Caracalla just point at lands on a map to get like prizes?”
“y/n…” Acacius whispered your name, trying to make you stop. The tension has risen very quickly.
“You have one task, soror. To give us India. A woman shouldn’t even be speaking on the table” Caracalla said when you were about to stand up and burst out. Marcus grabbed your hand under the table.
And immediately calmed you down.
“I’m only saying you should wisely rule this great empire. Do not let it fall…”
Soon the chatting turned into drinking after the awkward moment. When most of the men were getting drunk you returned to the table, cautiously grabbing food again. When you looked up, you encountered the image of Acacius kissing Lucilla. And it made your blood boil.
In a thick piece of fabric, you placed bread, some fruits, cheeses, and a small piece of lamb.
“What are you doing?” you nearly screamed when you noticed Acacius standing by your side.
“I’m grabbing food”
“Isn’t it a little late to eat again?” He wasn’t judging you, he never would, but he was very curious.
You would start up a little fire after seeing the painful image of him kissing his wife.
“It’s not for me…” before he could ask you you sprinted away. His blood boiled too, his hand firmly grabbed your wrist to stop you.
“What are you playing?” He asked.
“Playing? I’m definitely not”
“Is this some kind of punishment for what I told you days ago?” You sighed.
“I didn’t mean to say it was nothing. But… you have to wait, y/n” Acacius whispered and you chuckled.
“I’ve waited long enough to realize you will always be trapped in a marriage with two different kinds of love. And Lucilla will never love you like you want because her heart will always beat for that gladiator whose name was carved from the Colosseum”
You had raised your voice, Lucilla was looking at you two, and everyone else was drunk. So you violently flinched away from the man, who looked at you with a mix of pain and rage.
You leave and he immediately sends a guard to follow you in disguise.
“We must talk,” Lucilla said to Acacius, taking his hand.
He nodded.
…
What did that man have that made you feel safe? He didn’t protest when you walked inside his cell. He didn’t demand you to go away. He quietly lets you inside, talk, and explain yourself.
Two visits filled with food from your dinners were enough to let him know you had no intention of killing him. Your curiosity must’ve been too big, his eyes too attractive, and an odd vibration that warmed your chest.
To be honest, you had no idea why you came back to him. You just felt something. And you hated to admit it.
“If the emperors have made your life so difficult, Why didn’t you leave?” Lucius asked. He had eaten everything you gave him and was sitting beside you on the dirty floor.
“Every time I tried to escape, I couldn’t make it far enough. So I stayed and accepted my fate. To serve them will keep me alive ” he nodded, finally understanding why you hadn’t revealed yourself against the evil emperors.
“You didn’t come down here just to talk”
“I didn’t. I- I guess I just want to believe you’ll do something greater than I have always tried. Everyone talks about your rage but I think you quite act like a prospect hero… with honor” you revealed and wanted to cut your thong like you did with that old maid. You hated oversharing. But instead, Lucius chuckled and you frowned confused, expecting him to talk.
“You reminded me of my wife…”
“How so?”
“She said similar things to you” Most unexpectedly, you blushed. Thankfully the darkness of the cell made it unnoticeable.
“I’m trying to find a way to get you out of here before your mother does something rushed”
“I was very harsh with her”
“How couldn’t you? I would have behaved the same way. But she loves you and she doesn’t want to let you go just when she found you” Lucius smiled once again, making you remain still, unsure of what to do next. Soon you realized the sun was very close to coming up again.
How many hours had you spent talking with the rightful Prince of Rome?
“I must go, Geta and Caracalla will know I spent the night away,” you said standing up, trying to clean the mess your dress had become.
“Will I see you again before that revolution happens?” You smiled, walking back near him.
He was tall, you had to completely raise your head to face him.
“The final day of the games is closer. I’ll bring you more food and I’ll try to see what will the next encounters look like”
“Thank you. I judged you too fast…” he said and you chuckled.
“You still have time to change your mind”
You didn’t notice when he closed the distance. Just when his face had been inches away from yours, you gasped.
But neither of you two protested, your lips touched his at the same time.
Tasting the wine you brought him made you feel intoxicated. No intrusive thoughts appeared while you kissed him.
You could only taste his passion, his need to take control. But all his hidden softness too. One of his hand caressed with softness your cheek and the other grasped your neck.
“Stay safe, Lucius,” you said as you moved away from him.
…
The whole day was lost because you spent it sleeping. Only when you woke up for dinner, did you learn you had missed the games of the day. But Lucius was alive at least. You dreamt of his kiss but when you woke up you had an odd sensation in your stomach. Confusion filled you and then… ache.
As you brushed your hair, you got lost looking at a red candle. It had been a present from your father some years ago. A red candle to be lit whenever you felt like you needed to feel love, he had said.
The wise emperor had wished to see his daughter with her true love. Just like had always wanted but couldn’t.
There was a broad shadow that you spotted through the mirror. It made you pull out a silver knife and point a the figure.
Soon the cape was removed and you sighed but also gasped shocked to see Acacius standing in the middle of your room.
“What are you doing here?” You asked worriedly, standing up and hurrying to close your windows.
“You had spent all these past nights in the Colosseum,” he said, sounding a little angered.
“Now you’re spying on me, Acacius?” He sighed exasperated.
“What are you doing with that gladiator?”
“What do you care?” You asked with defiance.
“He’s going to get you in trouble, princess y/n” Your eyes pierced his, but you decided to move away, leaning against the towers of your bed.
“He deserves more. And not only him, but every slave we brought and all those we left in ruins” you admitted, looking at the fire of the candle.
“They do, but it’s not our duty, at least not yet. We need to focus on the plan we have…” you wanted to roll your eyes and yell at him, his wife could’ve ruined everything and he was only paying attention to you.
Only paying attention to you?
“Stop going to see that man”
“His name is Hanno and I’ll visit whenever I desire” you spit out with bitterness and you knew he was angry. Acacius clenched his jaw and sighed once again. Under his cape rested his armor, his hair messy, and his scars fading.
“Why? Because he makes you feel things?”
You remained quiet. As simple as it was, his question took you by surprise.
“I-… I don’t know. I had no reason to go back to him, but I did it anyway”
“Oh heavens, y/n. Don’t you see that I’ve always told you to wait? Because I’m counting every golden coin I have to give you that house on the island you always point at. To leave Rome with you…”
It took you on a curve. You didn’t know what to say, only the tears wanted to be present.
His hands found your hips and his lips seek yours. Sometimes, while being overseas, you two would argue. And the only cure was to be silent and kiss after a day of ignoring each other.
This time feels different. You feel so confused.
His forehead softly bumped yours and you two stayed like that for some time.
“If you had those ideas to fulfill with me. Why do you remain married, Marcus?” He smiled.
“That’s different, satis. I was set to marry when you were very young. I just can’t undo it.”
“Why do I feel like you’re only doing this because you feel pressured?”
“It’s not like that”
“Either way you wouldn’t tell me that you love me. So it’s in vane…”
“BUT I DO LOVE YOU!”
You frowned, biting the inside of your cheek. For a moment you thought you could only hear how your heartbeats slowly thumped. What you wanted to hear for years had been delivered. It felt good, even right to hear it. And when you were about to believe it, something clicked.
“No, Marcus. You just realized you hate the idea of me falling in love with someone else. Even worse when it’s the son of your wife”
Without the strength to say anything else, you moved away. Your feet quickly dragged you out of your room, and then out of the palace.
You walked through the streets of Rome, seeing all the hunger, poverty, the lack of love from the government.
By midnight you arrived at the shore. The warm sand cured your bolting mind.
There was an imminent battle coming up. You had a place in the rebellion. And yet you had to be only thinking in two men. Who had made a mess of you in a matter of days.
You had nothing with any of them. It was just the causality of what they made you feel.
Lucius made you feel like the woman you would’ve been if you had escaped Rome years ago.
Acacius made you feel adored like the woman you turned into wasn’t as bad as you thought. He believed in you.
But it wasn’t enough. None of them were enough. Your mind was spiraling and you realized you were sobbing in the middle of the dark. You can hear and faintly distinguish the sea. You had cracked, like the fallen fruit every poet and philosopher always mentioned.
And even when you knew you had to only focus on the war, you still didn’t know what to do. You barely knew the men that had you losing it.
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Taglist: @stargirl-mayaa @willowpains @nicolebarnes
I don’t love the ending but I genuinely don’t know who should reader end up with. PLEASE SEND IDEAS!!
#pedro pascal x reader#pedro pascal#gladiator ii#gladiator 2#gladiator x reader#lucius verus x reader#lucius verus#paul mescal x reader#pedro pascal fanfiction#pedro pascal smut#marcus acacius x reader#marcus acacius
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Im properly gonna get hate for this but I need to get this out there. As a Gojo lover and self-shipper I’d like to take a minute to explain how Satoru is so mischaracterized by his fan girls and how you SatoSugu shippers and the jjk fandom as a whole really get on my nerves. Disclaimer even tho im not a SatoSugu shipper I’m not hating on the ship just the fandom. And I don’t want to hear “she only hates SatoSugu bc she ships herself with Gojo. 😡” When in reality I hate all jjk ships bc wtf is Gojo X Megumi & Gojo X Itadori??? First off Gojo RAISED Megumi and his sister like a FATHER. He was their GUARDIAN since they were little kids. Secondly they’re minors Megumi and Itadori are literally 15 and some of y’all are shipping them with a 29 year old man??? That’s crazy and disgusting. Some of y’all are even shipping him with Sukuna the person who killed him and had y’all crying. I don’t even know how that ship makes sense tbh. Satoru is a tragically written character. He was a person with good morals, dreams and ambitions. Ever since he popped out of the womb he was forced to be the strongest bc of his gifts. He didn’t even get to have a childhood bc of that burden. Satoru has witnessed lots of deaths and has more blood on his hands then necessary AND he lost his best friend the person who really understood him the most. Satoru felt alone bc no one tried to get to know him as a person and not just as the strongest. No one even had the Human decency to even once ask him was he okay or even how his day was going. I’m honestly surprised he didn’t do what Geto did and turn villainous bc no one saw him as a person, not his colleagues/peers AND DEFINITELY not his fangirls. He died for sticking to his beliefs and morals. He died trying to protect people and properly felt weak bc not only was he forgotten by his students but his sacrifice wasn’t even acknowledged. He didn’t even really get a burial. But when season 2 came out some y’all really made Satoru’s entire personality about Suguru, His BEST FRIEND. Like I get it, Satoru and Suguru had great chemistry and went well together. They were fire & ice, yin & yang but I honestly don’t see them as nothing more than brothers not to mention the ship is not only overhyped but also over sexualized and it’s fandom is toxic. Like some of you guys are literally on twitter arguing and sending death threats to people who simply don’t like the ship. And are telling other Gojo lovers to off themselves bc they ship him with themselves or their OC’s and it’s not even that deep fr. And don’t even get me started on what some of y’all are doing to the Gojo figurines…. Absolutely disgusting💀. Then you guys literally read the manga and watch the anime not for the plot but just to prove to everyone that Satoru is gay and that it should be canon or just bc Satoru is pretty and y’all see him as ‘daddy 🤢.’ Satoru is also over sexualized for no reason everywhere I go there’s fan art of him sucking off or being balls deep in Suguru or someone either (A. Doing some twisted period blood ritual to his figurine or (B. Someone on tumblr is posting on the ENTIRE INTERNET how badly they want Satoru down their throat with his nut sack against their chin. some of y’all need to touch grass fr bc honestly wtf. It’s the same thing with SatoSugu it’s so sexualized for no reason. If it’s not freaky fanart of them it’s again, more tumblr post of the freaky positions Suguru would have Satoru in bc Satoru is a bottom apparently. I’m not hating on bl or gay ships but like why are they so sexualized? Especially by straight people, straight women to be exact. And not every thing needs to have ships or be gay. Satoru is so stripped out of his character not only bc he’s pretty but bc y’all took his bond with Suguru and made it in to something else entirely. Like why can’t two women or two men be best friends without getting shipped together? This happens in real life friendships too. Not only does this ruin the friendship but it takes away from the characters personality. Being in this fandom is tiring and just not fun.
#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#gojo satoru#satoru gojo#jujutsu gojo#jujutsu satoru#jjk spoilers#jjk fandom#jjk satoru#jjk angst#toxic fandom#satoru gojo angst
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More Adult!Byler headcanons bc I'm on break and I got a lot more interaction on my last post than expected. But this time it's Parents!Byler bc I'm a sucker for it.
(Sorry it's a long one...w/ a lot of typos...oops.)
Parents!Byler:
- They have three kids, all adopted, and about 5 years apart each. They adopted in their 30's.
- Will is the parent who disciplines the kids more, but in a gentle-parenting way bc of his upbringing. He actually sits them down, and talks about why their actions weren't good, how it made him and/or others feel, and what the best course of action should be.
-Mike will discipline the kids at times too, but sometimes he catches himself acting like his parents. Either half-assing it like his father, or yelling like his mother. He asks Will to keep him in check over this. More often than not, he will talk things out with their kids in a similar fashion to Will's style.
- When they first heard one of their children swear, they disciplined them properly, but they had to go hide in their room to laugh their asses off afterwards.
- They both encourage their kids to explore the arts, they take family trips to art museums.
- They decided to explore therapy before adopting. Both fearing of becoming their parents. Will was especially scared of turning into Lonnie.
- When the kids want money or to do something without being told "no" right off the bat, they go to Mike.
- Mike accidentally said "shit" way too many times around their first child, that their first word was "shit". It was funny at first, but it convinced Mike learned to curse less.
- Since it was the early 2000s when their kids were babies, the baby bottles were made of glass. One of their kids accidentally whacked Will with the bottom of a bottle and he still has a faint, small scar on his forehead from it.
- Since he has middle child syndrome, Mike likes to make sure Will and him spend time with their middle child. They try to treat all of their kids equally.
- When they adopted their first child, they were text book anxious parents. Scared to do wrong, and read every book and parenting they could get their hands on. They learned with their second and third child to loosen up.
- Their kids will send them tiktoks, and they watch them in confusion. They're used to them now though, thanks to their kids' Vine phase. That was a strange ride for them.
- They love to embarrass their kids, especially in public. If there's a song they recognize playing in the store, they will sing terribly with it. Their kids will walk off and act like they don't know who their parents were.
- When it was Mike's turn to do grocery shopping and if he took the kids with him—whenever there was a clear aisle in the store, he would have the kids hold onto the cart, and he would run and then jump onto the cart as well, so they'd zoom down the aisles faster. (They stopped once they were older, but they sometimes still do it for the nostalgia.)
- Will is the good driver of the two, but he likes to drive fast at times and Mike isn't a big fan of it. So when Will is driving with the kids in the car, minus Mike, he will take back roads where the small hills are. He purposely drives faster over the hills as the kids find it fun (responsibley ofc).
- They both got a mild case of empty nest syndrome when the kids went off to college. So they adopted two Maine coon cats.
Some Grandparents!Joyce, Hopper, Karen, and Ted as a bonus:
- The kids love both of their grandmothers, but they prefer Karen during Christmas and birthdays for the gifts. They love Joyce more in general, though.
- When it comes to grandfathers, they love Ted bc they get away with a lot more shit. (They're secretly low-key scared of Hopper even tho there's nothing to be scared off.)
- Hopper takes the kids camping in the summer. The kids loved it as small children, but not so much as the teenage angst began. As older teens and young adults, they started loving the camping trips again.
-Joyce carries a tin in her purse full of Skittles. When she takes the kids on errands with her, she gives them some as a treat. She sometimes swaps the skittles out for those grandma strawberry candies.
-Karen kept a lot of Mike's old toys and will have the Byler kids play with them when they stay over. She converted the foyer into the grandkids' playroom for both the Byler and Jancy kids.
-Ted acts similarly to the Byler kids like he did with his own, but he's much nicer. It gives Mike mixed feelings, some bitterness, but he's ultimately grateful that his father is accepting of his kids.
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I think in all cases its a disservice to the character for them to do the parents forgiving thing (in chim’s case it was almost straight up ooc lol) but the thing that really annoys me about it with buck specifically is that buck is a character who has problems setting appropriate boundaries in his relationships and often just settles/accepts how the other party treats him… its mostly with his romantic relationships but I think it applies outside of that as well… and thats what makes that scene in buck begins where he asks them to call him buck so powerful and good to me. And then it just felt completely retconned by whatever in another life was. Plus the whole thing about his coma dream is that he was close with his parents and they were normal about him and part of choosing life was him leaving that behind but then they were acting the same irl as in the dream?? it was weird. Idk theres been just enough crumbs with buck and his parents that I wonder if they’ll readdress how the way they treat him hasnt changed that much actually but my hopes are not high. at all. (Similarity if they ever bring albert back I hope they address what happened in that ep bc it was so messed up for albert to bring their dad to LA like that)
it absolutely is a disservice. like, i am always thinking about chim. looking at jee-yun and saying that people always told him that when he became a father he'd understand his own father more. but how instead, it made him understand him even less. because chim looked at his child and could not understand how anyone could treat their child the way his father treated him. and then they had him forgive him and that was that. and well, the buckleys are horrendous. and i think buck forgiving them was less about him forgiving them and more about him taking whatever scraps he could get because that's what he does. but the show didn't frame it that way when they SHOULD HAVE. instead it was framed as the buckleys are redeemed now, everything is fine. when clearly everything is not fine. buck did not benefit at all from that. there was no healing there. and like. i do want to refrain from judgement until we see how it pans out with eddie and his parents but. he's forgiven them before and that was portrayed as something postitive, and then they did THIS. like, and it would be one thing if the show was making a point of showing that sort of cycle of forgiving and giving them another chance only for nothing to change. but that's never really how they framed it. like, nothing HAS changed for any of them. but we're still expected to accept that everything is fine now.
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Thinking abt Kae’s Fatui verse,,,,
#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. );#//Him having a sort of fatal attraction vibe goin with Traveler like Came||ya’s whole thing almost hdbfb#//The whole ‘you’re interesting; I really like you; I can’t WAIT to see what makes you tick’#//Except he might actually be more of a danger to them; considering his endgame for those he ‘loves’#v; l’innamorato (fatui!kaeya)#//The love idea of him v attached to Signora; deffo got along with the kiddos of the HotH better fjhdh#//Prolly loved presenting her W|ll Sm|th style; even if the attention it drew to him too did make his skin crawl more often than not#//Love the idea of him stalking Traveler thru their journeyw lil heart eyes; interfering at key moments to hinder or help them progress#//Depends on how he’s feeling at the moment jcbcb#//In this verse would deffo butt heads with Taru in Fontaine specifically—he wants Traveler’s attention too jfbfb#//Prolly met them in Mond as part of Signora’s lil entourage—IMMEDIATELY got intrigued at first glance#//Background wise; I like to think he was a Fatuus meant to infiltrate the knights like many of Eroch’s ppl#//And in the progress of going through the knight thing got acquainted w Luc & began to have doubts abt the Fatui cause#//After visiting his home; hearing abt and meeting his father; then the day of the Heckening happens & they fight#//Bc Kae already planned to come clean & renounce the Fatui & Khaenri’ah; but the mess Crepus’s death made of him#//Tried far too hastily; far too bluntly to tell Luc the truth of his origins; swearing he knew nothing abt the Delusion#//Only to get claymore’d; which absolutely helped cemented him into the Fatui’s ranks more#//A part of him knows it wasn’t the time to say it; that he is at fault for trying to take advantage of Luc’s vulnerable state to tell him#//Only for the lad to have been far too volatile & so it turned out badly; but he still blames Luc for the break of their bond#//Anywho; I like to think as of Inazuma; he does have a certain grudge against traveler bc of Signora#//Before; encounters were more of puppy love bordering on dangerous obsession—after that; the dangerous bit became Personal#//Ohhh I’m writing a yandere here; okay<-should have realized that from the FIRST slew of Fatuiverse hcs lmao#//He genuinely does love Traveler; would like to see them breaking down in despair in his arms#//The two of them together would make a most beautiful ice sculpture indeed#//Even with his grudge; Traveler does stand a chance at swaying him to actually be helpful#//Sumeru quest wise; Co||ei is the magic word—i like to think he came along with there bc he wanted to see abt the Eleazar#//And maybe find clues to her family or even her herself; Traveler or Paimon dropping the name would make him cooperate SO fast#//Klee in Mond is basically his Teucer jffb. She is as good as fam in his eyes—I like to think he keeps up his habit of collecting pyro ppl#//Bc he never got over his broken bond with SOMEONE. Even if this verse has him more bitter abt it#//But ye jdbdbd. Is it rlly a Allie posting if it not short lol blurb and then heckin TAG SPAM lololol
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Yall would not believe how Roland wasn't actually forcing Sofia to call him dad, and in fact, was unsure of what would be more comfortable for her to call him.
You can clearly see how Roland didn't want Sofia to feel like she had to address him as formally as she was with "Your Majesty," but didn't want to force her to call him something she wasn't comfortable with. Especially since he's just getting to know her, Roland wouldn't want to rush Sofia into calling him dad, since she would need time to adjust with having a new father.
Roland was just suggesting some names that Sofia could use, and maybe would've been ok with Sofia using Your Majesty if it was by her choice, but the way she sounded nervous while addressing him made him reassure her that she didn't need to worry about being formal with him.
And I say maybe because "Your Majesty" sounds like something Roland's father might've made him address him as. If Roland had to be formal with his own father, it would've made him feel detached from even having a real father, instead feeling he was being raised by an authority figure. Roland wouldn't want Sofia to feel that way.
Roland would want his children to feel comfortable calling him whatever they wanted because he wants them to know that he respects them and cares for them emotionally.
#I heart the royal family#me when I come with the least cynical analysis on king roland#and how his father made him want to be a good father bc he wants to give his kids what he was missing as a kid#GRA#stf#sofia the first#sofia the fandom#sofia balthazar#king roland#roland stf#video#captain txt
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Oden's prophecy of young pirates coming to save wano becoming yamato's hope for his freedom.... and him becoming oden because of it.... it's just so good... on the other side luffy taking ace's spot for liberating yamato... I think I hauve covid
#the spades pirates in wano to save children... omg... deuce.... i have heard so much of you....#yamato complaining about how eveyrhing is his father's fault and ace getting violent...#it is so sad that in the end it was (partially maybe) his father's fault... if not roger then whitebeard..... maybe both#the hibiscus flowers..... rouge....#yamato telling ace he talks too much about luffy.... omg.....#NAMI TELLS TAMA LUFFY LOST ACE TOO!!! AND LUFFY CAME BACK TO WANO BC ACE SAID HE WOULD!!! OMG...... THE LINGERING.....#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 1014#pink haired samurai is still alive and kicking... hell yeah....#ODEN WAS THE SECOND COMMANDER FOR WHITEBEARD??? OMG???#whitebeard dealing with his rebellious son ace akshaksjak.....#ace wanting to save wano for his husband and child but wb wouldn't let him bc he is still caught up about his ex husband's death... complex#TEACH GO TO HELL!!! FUCK YOU!!! DIEEEE!!!!#they can't put luffy crying about ace dying here again.... tama feeling bad about yelling at luffy....#YAMATO KNOWS ABOUT THE D????#big mom wants robin.... i mean of course.... curious about pudding and her third eye.... we will meet again i guess...#PONEGLYPH!!!! kaido little borther to mom...... god valley.... rox.... i remember.... she gave him his power omg...#episode 1015#ace face down smiling after whitebeard beats him up reminded me of ace dead smiling. hell on earth this is my last straw. goodbye.#the animation <3 ace i love you <3 yamato you are great <3#omg... little ASL with the big pirates saying he will become pirate king omg...#PAUSE!! ACE HEARING GOOD THINGS ABOUT ROGER AND SAYING HE SOUNDS NICE THIS IS CRUCIAL TO MY ACE LORE OMG#yamato didnt say who it was... did ace really die not thinking his father was good this is my roman empire... critical hit to my brain#yamato made aces vivre card.... should i end it all for realsies this time....#his cunty skate boat 😭😭😭😭 i could cry#he really is looking like a beautiful dead wife this episode.... yamato......the vivre card omg..... NOT THE FLASHBACK ENOUGH#THE TRANAITION BETWEEN ACE FALLING OFF LUFFY AND HIM FALLING TO THE GROUND OMG AKFBSKDNDKSKLWKWNSKWK NOOOOOO#OH FINALLY THEY ARE ALL THERE TO FOGHT BIG MOM AND KAIDO!!! FUCK YEAAHHHHHH a good drag for the mugis for good measure#episode 1013
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dear miss padfootastic: harry learning he's gonna be a dad and promptly losing his mind and going to the only person he can think of for dad advice: sirius.
gosh miss imp i have so many thoughts about this!!!!!! (i wrote almost all of this and realised that i did it post birth lol bc that’s the moment that made the most sense to me but we can easily doctor it to be pre birth as well!!)
- the first time harry holds james sirius in his hands, he has to dip out in three minutes flat to puke all over the nearest washroom. it’s sirius holding him, brushing his hair back, and soothing him on the dirty hospital floor. tells him that he did something super similar when he held harry for the first time too. it doesn’t hit harry then.
- when they’re all back at home, the first few days, it’s all a sort of frantic autopilot where he has no time to think. it’s only when things calm down a bit that he realised how his hands shake and his pulse races when he thinks about being a father. it’s not…debilitating bc it’s his duty, one he asked for, and harry’s never been one to back down from a duty. but it’s still—he doesn’t want to be a passable dad, he wants to be a good one.
- so he goes to the best one he knows: sirius.
- the thing here is, harry thinks he’s gonna be a terrible dad. he was abused and neglected in his most developmental stages of life, never really knew what unconditional love felt like let alone parental, and does not trust himself around a vulnerable defenceless child. knowledge of his anger and it’s consequences does not help.
- but also to consider: sirius had almost an exact similar experience. he was equally terrified to be a godfather for harry bc he never trusted himself w delicate things. so he knows, intimately, what’s it’s like to fear yourself.
- it doesn’t get better with one conversation. sirius knew this going in. what he does, instead, is help harry become confident by being there, always, without fail. makes him see that he’s got this down pat, and his child loves and trusts and adores him and there’s no greater privilege than that. he’s there every single time as a safety net, to tell harry that nothing will go wrong, yes, but also to prove he doesn’t need anyone else.
- it’s also a whole lot of ‘omg this is so difficult, you did this for me?????’ and just. realisations about ‘omg u changed my diaper??? i peED ON YOU??????’ that basically make it impossible for him to look sirius in the eye for a few days.
- another point to consider: harry sees sirius with jemmy from an outsider pov yeah? and he can finally see what others have all this time: how sirius looks at someone he loves wholeheartedly, how much he adores his children. and it’s humbling and awe-inspiring and a bit terrifying. imagining the full force of that love directed towards him, making him wonder what he did to deserve it
- there’s a loooooot of midnight/asscrack of morning firecalls/mirror calls etc for emergency assistance bc ‘are babies supposed to sleep like tho at! he’s been farting all night sirius iTS SO BAD! omg his poop is green padfoot is my baby toxic?????’ ykno. normal new dad stuff.
(and this is random but there’s also one,,,,forbidden conversation with sirius about it he’d ever hated him bc harry had some very unsavoury thoughts in the beginning when he had teddy that he hates himself for to this day and if he has to hear his godfather say he didn’t want him to get rid of them then he’ll do it. it’s a tough but necessary one)
#sirius black#harry potter#good godfather sirius black#this has been *languishing* in my inbox bc i wanted to write a drabble#bc that’s really what he is#since i had a similar prompt in my notes#but alas#twasnt to be#or really just—good FATHER sirius black#man this ask made me realise how long it’s been since i’ve written anything s&h :(((#my first loves#should get back probably#i just feel like. sirius would be like harry’s personal google service#bc on some level h still thinks that sirius knows everything#(not entirely wrong. in addition to being very very smart sirius is also just. unwilling to admit he doesn’t know sumn#esp to his kid.#so he spends hours finding answers to stuff he doesn’t know)#basically: he’s the best parental advice figure to have around#harry goes to him in a dad-panic all 3 times he has a child#sirius is equally patient and indulgent each time#pen’s asks
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naturally i’m gonna be very upset at 6:09 am after an all-nighter over my brother and his actions
#personal#not the middle one we’re okay rn and talking again and he helped me get with my new job#even tho we haven’t spoken about the door and im not supposed to know he paid for it#so good but watch out#the eldest one i’m like hey i was gonna forgive ghosting me or flaking on plans you made with me for our dad#or not communicating that you already got everything done with said dad and all i really knew was my dad asking asking asking for his#eldest son and struggling for an answer for him#and even like not checking on me at all after i got kicked out and bringing a girl back and asking me to pretend to be asleep#god i regret not sleeping in a rest stop like planned that was so much worse#and also you and other brother just ignoring me begging for help telling you i got back into my ed and honestly going through the worst#time of my life also weed dependent to just cope and also my job sucked. minor but still#but again was ready to let it go bc you were so obviously in pain at the funeral i couldn’t be mad at that#but like why. after i offered to clean up after ur dogs did you um. ask me to do it again#then cussed me out after i asked that you don’t ask on the dot of when my shifts end#and then after mom told me i was selfish while struggling with a full time job and taking care of my dying father and struggling with that#and i was just asking what ur living situation was bc i felt like. hm. being told i’m awful for struggling during my dads death is a lot#instead of just saying no you go on a rant about how when we finally want to move in with you you’re doing something else and general#shit giving. instead of again. just saying no. or hell. checking on me.#so it’s like i’ll love you until every star gives out i can’t fucking look at you bc i’m so hurt#we haven’t talked since then and im not gonna hear from him till he asks what i want from christmas or he needs something#christ last time he checked on me was a segway to helping me going about the hoarder house as he loves calling it#i can’t believe i sent him photos of our dads writing saying i love you and his only question was is it still hoarder central#i was gonna type something mean i’m gonna lay down#i don’t want any gifts why would i want a gift. told him that i was hurt and didn’t want a gift my birthday and he responded and it’s gonna#and he’s didn’t respond*#be the same game during christmas#you brought a girl over on such an awful fucking night for me why would i want a gift#and it’s not like he hasn’t been there and doesn’t love me it’s just i’m hurt#and it’s not like he had all this space and my other brother and i never used it! i got kicked out and stayed a night!#other brother moved in with you! sorry circumstances led to me staying longer! just say no!
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raven and jgy are also kind of complete opposite characters bc jgy's entire teenage and young adult life was about trying to find a way to become his evil father's right hand man and raven's entire teenage and young adult life was about avoiding her evil father's attempts to make her his right hand woman.
#so mdzs is kind of like if there was a side character who was like raven except it was raven whose dad hated her and she wanted his love#so bad that she got so smart and good at committing evil crimes in the hopes that he would notice and love her#but then he only used her and never loved her and in the end she realized he was just a piece of shit rapist and killed him plus 29 women#AND THEN her old best friend. whose older brother/father figure she killed while working for her own dad. knew what she had done#and concocted a whole plan that would out raven as evil (and in mdzs this raven cares so much about her reputation like sooo much)#if raven did not kill herself. and then the friend changed her mind (its a girl friend if raven is a girl) and tricked raven's best friend#into killing her. and also the old friend had dug up arella's body and destroyed it.#the end :)#ALSO ON THE OTHER HAND. so ntt is like what is jgy was raised by a cult who taught him cultivation but made him feel guilty about it#and that he had to use it to help people or he was evil. bc he was born evil and has to change it#and he has no friends and no mother. they didnt even let him talk to his mother#and he realizes that in order to save the world from himself he has to leave his mother and everything he knows#and he can never go back. and the people he finds to help him don't understand him and he doesn't understand them#and he still has to use his cultivation to help people and everytime he does it hurts him#and he thinks he made a mistake to leave his home because his evil father is getting even closer and closer and everything hurts so much#and it is so much harder now to not be angry. and he cant ask anyone for help because he left behind the person who would always tell him#how to get rid of emotions#THE END i dont actually know the end of raven's story alskdjf havent read that far#jgy#raven
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well idk about anyone else but i- as the anon who sent u the darius camila ask in the first place, would be elated
I'M WORKIN ON IT FOR U ANON 🫡
#ramblings of a lunatic#asks#i just rewatched asias (FAVOURITE EP) and it gave me like. a few new Darius thoughts#nothing big or revolutionary just Reminded me of his whole deal and how funny it is. he is being nice in the meanest way possible#i desperately want to pitch this man against camila's bitchy coworkers. it'll be a blood bath#ALSO THE BEGINNING OF DADRIUS#two ppl who want to be nice so bad but have so many issues and obstacles (both external and self made) blocking them...#...and then they become like father and son bc they encourage that kindness in each other. what if i bit something#also it reminded me of how hard huntlow slaps conceptually but tbh that's nothing new. it's like. engrained in my brain wrinkles atp#idk what 2 tell you. it's the first time hunter has no plausible deniability and gains nothing from helping the entrails and he still does#it's willow showing hunter the joy of not only proving ppl wrong but also the joy of being appreciated for who u r#and then he goes on to do that for her when she needs it most#she's someone confident who guides him but more importantly she makes him want to be better. bc she is so good to him#i can't tell if I'm experiencing midnight hunger pangs or if I'm emotional but i did get big eyed at the intro w/ willow this ep#SHE SPENT YEARS THINKING SHE WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH. SHE'S FINALLY BECOMING THE WITCH SHE WANTS TO BE#AND IN THIS EP SHE UNKNOWINGLY RECRUITS HER BIGGEST FANBOY. THIS BOYS ABT TO BE OBSESSED W/ HER AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW#ough. killing them out of like. cuteness aggression#I'm still only on 2B of my rewatch but idk who I'm gonna be when i get to the specials. the haircut scene. the pinky link. hhhhh
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so to do my testing i need a state id but to get my state id i need a social security card bc i lost mine so im waiting up to 15-20 days for social security to send me a verification number in the mail so that i can apply for a new social security card and then ill have to wait for that to get to me and then i can go get my ky id and hopefully not get in trouble for taking so long to get my id changed and THEN i can schedule my ged classes. and by then ill probably have finished my math and science ged readys which is good and ummm i think thats all. itll prolly be a permit rather than a state id so i can work on learning to drive since we have a nice Not horrible car . and then ill know how to drive which will be helpful to me even if it takes me a while to actually own a car... but itd be helpful to Be able to drive yk. even if i am quite late... and once i get all of that done then thats like finally finished and then i can get a job again and start saving up money for when i am ready to move out...
#and once i am Making money again ill feel better going to the dr for all of my stuff bc my mom says itd be covered by insurance but im#rly rly paranoid abt there being copays or something yk . so id like to Have money jic since i currently have. 3 dollars at all#but yes. and im rly lucky im able to live with my family bc like. they wont Make me pay rent they might ask for help which ill gladly do bc#1. yk and 2. i have been living here free of charge for almost a year 3. even all that aside i want the kids to be able to keep living here#and also be able to eat so idm helping with groceries and the mortgage or whathave you... and itll all be cheaper than paying rent at my#own place anyways so i can build up a good net AND ill have money to start donating again bc i hate not being able to donate it makes me#feel so useless. that was the best part of living in wa was that i Had money to be spending and donating was one of the like. bc i have a#lot of hangups abt money so pretty much spending any money made me feel sick and i had to punish myself for it BUT donating bypassed that.#not that the benefit of donating is that i can spend money without feeling bad but it is something i Want to do because i want to be able t#help however i can . obviously. i am rambling now but basically yes im excited to have a job again#idt ill have money to get people gifts this year for xmas Which sucks but hoooooooopefully i will have a job by february.......... dependin#wewill see how it all works out. im hoping february bc thats the start of the 1st wave of bdays. well . technically january is but thats My#bday so it doesnt count.... bc tag feb father mar weeman may. and then lamp sep and mother oct and i couldnt get either of them gifts and#Yeah i feel evil#BUT!!!! next year i will be able to afford everything all of it ill have money and a job and i can get ppl gifts i love buying ppl gifts#even tho im bad at it i fear. bc i dont have much experience last year was the first year i got to buy xmas gifts for everybody... and bday#for some even :] but ya. ive loved buying gifts since 8th grade which was the first time i was able to buy gifts for my friends bc my dad#gave me his credit card for the dc trip. bc we were on kiiiiind of difficult terms in 2018 LOLLL. so he was doing pretty much anything to#get me to talk to him again the perks of having to go to court against your parent. and also girl that restraining order was meaningless bu#whatever i cant think abt it or ill get kinda mad so were moving on Oh im cramping that sucks okayyyyy. anyways. YES so thats your connor u#date i think these tags are gonna get cutoff in a major way. wait nvm i only had like 22... ok well ending it here goodbye my diary
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i have GOT to replay beck valentine
#obviously i knew mc mom left but i dont really think about it bc she doesnt come up often and i have no issues about my birth father leaving#me apart from thinking the guy is a major asshole and wanting nothing to do w him#but fuck ! that last ask is so good made me realize i need to Consider this#thinking about beck keeping his crush a secret on sam bc he doesnt want him to leave first#finally making a move moving day bc theyre leaving anyway. just to be devestated anway when sam wont take the chance on a ldr and rejects#rejects him#thinking about his Determination with tennis and how he Has to be the best. he has to be good enough (to prove that he was good enough for#for his mom. she shouldnt have left him he was good enough)#thinking about his rivalry with rayyan and rayyan is like. The person he wants to do better than and *impress* bc he sees rayyan as the best#hes cocky and sure of himself and wants rayyan to look at him wants to show off for him. see ? im good too. i can be the best to#and he wants THEM to be the best. hes proved that hes good to the coaches he won against almost everyone he played against#and he and rayyan did so good in the doubles match ! and theyve been paired as partners ! he gets to work w the best and show him that hes#just as good and this is perfect- and rayyan is demanding that it be changed. rejecting him. bc hes not good enough#agh.#beck valentine#beck x rayyan#beck x sam#ct os#op
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PLEASE, EAT. | LAIOS TOUDEN
synopsis ━━ after you've been bitten by a sea serpent, you know the consequences are either death or the possibility of turning into one yourself. thankfully for you, laios touden is the devourer of all things monster and he is dedicated to getting that venom out of you. (laios x f!reader.)
content warnings ━━ sex pollen-adjacent, cunnilingus + fingering, praise, breath play (kinda, if you squint), semi-public sex, multiple orgasms. nsfw (minors + ageless blogs dni).
word count ━━ 3k
song inspiration ━━ too sweet, hozier / more than friends, isabel larosa
author's note ━━ this is the first time I've ever written and posted an x reader one-shot on here, so please be gentle with me lol. I usually only write x oc fics bc I'm a yapper and I love creating characters. but alas...I was perusing the laios x reader tag and wanted to read something with this plot, couldn't find it, so I figured I'd just do it myself 🫡
🪽 part i: PLEASE, EAT. / part ii: FORBIDDEN FRUIT. / part iii: TOO SWEET.
This was definitely one of the worst situations you’d been in.
You had joined Laios’ adventuring party just a few months prior. They had found you on floor 3 of the dungeon, shivering and mourning the loss of your father. His body, dead in your arms, and beside him lay the lifeless body of a ghoul you had killed. At first, the party’s leader, Laios Touden, had only been interested in taking the ghoul's body so they could use its bones for utensils after the flesh rotted off. But it was Marcille who noticed the tears in your eyes, how you trembled from the cold, and suggested they take you in. You almost declined, not wanting to leave your father’s body, but knowing he’d soon turned into a monster left you with only one option. Your father had been with you for the past twenty-five years of your life, and now, you were leaving his dead body in a dungeon to travel with a group of strangers.
You soon came to appreciate your new party, though, and you felt your father’s spirit within each of them. Marcille had his kindness, Chilchuck had a comparable wit, Senshi was gifted with excellent cooking skills, and Laios … well, you were still figuring that out. And surprisingly, it was Laios who you began to connect with the most. His knowledge of monsters was unmatched, and he had a passion for learning how to prepare them while they traveled deeper into the dungeon. He was overtly blunt, much like you, and possessed similar advanced fighting skills due to both your fathers' teachings.
Sometimes … sometimes though, you found yourself staring at him more than you should have. His face was abnormally perfect, as if he’d been carved by an artist. His tousled ash-blonde hair reminded you of a lion, and his eyes … sometimes you could’ve sworn they were made out of gold, shimmering like molten lava. Each time you thought this way, you smacked yourself when no one else was looking. I mean, Laios was your friend, your party leader. Having a crush, especially in circumstances like these, was unethical. You had always been focused on one thing: helping your party and making it out of this dungeon alive, for your father. You wouldn’t let a little crush deter you.
Everything had been all well and good until today, when you and your party reached the end of floor 4. When Laios had struggled to fight off a sea serpent, you joined him in the lukewarm water, using your crossbow to shoot the creature in the head. Finally, Laios was able to step in to slice the serpent’s head off … but not before the creature could snap its jaw, tearing one fang down your hip. You jumped back, screaming as you felt the venom seep into you instantly. Some said sea serpent venom would kill you immediately, others said it turned you into one of them, cursing you to haunt the waters with them as penance. As soon as the head was cut, Laios carried you away from the water, and the last thing you heard was Marcille cursing him out before you were rendered unconscious.
You were woken up – hours, maybe days later – by a drop of water hitting your face every few seconds. Lifting your head from the makeshift tunic pillow, you took in your surroundings. You were at the entrance of floor 5, in a damp corner of cobblestone, while water dripped down onto the floor every so often. There was a moist bandage covering your side where the serpent’s fang had cut into you, part of your tunic ripped to shreds. Hunger boiled in your stomach, making you groan and rub your head. Laios was sitting just a few feet away, a small fire in front of him to keep warm. Marcille had to have helped him with that; there was no way to craft a fire in an area this damp.
“Am I dead?” You asked softly.
Laios immediately turned in your direction, his mouth lifting in a smile. “Of course not.”
Your stomach did flip flops as you took in his smile, hunger consuming you. You needed something to eat – bad. Your body felt hot and sweaty, and you wondered if it was just from the humidity, even though Laios didn’t look affected. Sitting up, you informed him, “Well, that was one of two options my father said would happen from a sea serpent bite. Which means …” You lifted the bandage up, noticing the gills that started to form on the healing wound. A turquoise hue surrounded the gills, almost like a bruise. “Oh, fuck,” you muttered.
Laios stood, looming over you while asking, “What’s wrong?”
“It’s the other option,” you replied, too hungry to cry. “The bite is –”
“– Turning you into a sea serpent,” Laios finished. “Honestly, I thought that was just a myth. But when the bite didn’t kill you …” His mouth twitched, tongue darting out to wet the corners of his lips. “We have to suck the venom out. That has to stop the mutation.”
Your head snapped up. “Huh?”
But as soon as your eyes met his, you started to wondered if what you were experiencing was hunger after all. Perhaps … a different kind of hunger. Laios stared down at you, the sparkling gold replaced by a dark hazel. It was just you two in this little corner of the dungeon, but you suddenly felt exposed, so naked, under his gaze. Your body was hot all over, sweat sticking to uncomfortable places. And your thighs … a burning need emerged between them, soaking the thin linen of your undergarments. This had to be a symptom of the bite, but it suddenly didn’t matter anymore. Your worry had been replaced by an ache that only he could fix.
No – absolutely not. You couldn’t. You shouldn’t. You were turning into a sea serpent.
But the need between your legs still throbbed.
“It’s like when a snake bites you on the surface,” Laios said, crouching down to your eye level. His closeness made your heart rate pick up. You realized then that he had shed his armor, kneeling in front of you in just his gambeson, which clung to his muscles and wide frame. “A sea serpent is part snake. Sucking out the venom should stop the mutation. You’ll probably experience symptoms from the bite for a few more hours, but they’ll stop eventually.”
He started to peel back the bandage, taking a look at the gills forming on your hip when you gripped his wrist. Immediately, his skin burned, making you even more hot. You ripped your hand away from him, and with sweat trickling down the side of your face, you said, “Don’t you think this is … weird? Maybe Marcille should do it.”
“Marcille and the others just went back to another part of the level to find dinner. They won’t return for an hour, at least. This can’t wait.” He inspected the turquoise gills with concern, before his eyes snapped back to yours, noticing the way your black pupils filled almost the entire iris. “Do you not trust me?”
“Of course, I trust you. It’s just …” What exactly was the reason again? Oh, yes, it was pulsating hunger dripping between your legs from the bite, and you were terrified how you’d react the second his lips wrapped around your wound. The symptoms would just get worse. But he was right – this was the only way. Fuck, this had to be the most embarrassing thing you’d ever experienced.
“Fine,” you finally relented, lying back down on the cobblestone. You did your best to get comfortable, but the makeshift pillow hardly provided much cushion between you and the floor. “What should I do?”
“Nothing, just lay back and let me take care of it.” Laios lifted your tunic a smidge, and just the tenor of his voice made your ache even worse. “We’re just gonna … get this out of the way. And then …” His fingers hooked on the waistband of your pants, and you immediately clutched his collar. If you touched his skin again, you were sure to moan.
Laios looked from where your hand was gripping him and back to your eyes. “Your pants need to be off so I can have better access to the mutation. It’s on your hip.” You swallowed hard, knowing he was right, and your hand started to slip off his collar. “We’re friends, right?” He asked.
You nodded weakly.
“Good,” he smiled again, and you struggled to hold back a plea for him to touch you. He pulled down your pants, tossing them to the side. For a moment, he paused, taking in your soaked underwear and running his fingers over the mutation on your hip. He licked his lips again, and then said in a rather blunt tone, “You’re so –”
“Don’t say it,” you cut in, snapping your eyes shut to prevent further embarrassment. Though you had never minded Laois’ occasional lack of social cues, this was one of those moments you needed anything but. “Just get the venom out.”
Laios tugged your underwear down a little to see if the mutation had spread. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” he informed you, lowering his head to your hip. “I’ve read that these bites can have a multitude of internal symptoms. Nightmares ... sweating … fever …” He ran his tongue over the gills, making your breath hitch instantly. “… And especially, arousal. Neat, huh?” He chuckled, and just his warm breath on the gills made you even more wet. “Don’t worry, I got you,” he assured before finally wrapping his mouth on the wound.
Your body burned even hotter than before as soon as his lips touched your skin. He sucked the venom out of you, spitting out blue globs every other second. His hands gripped your side, digging into your flesh and leaving crescent shapes from his nails. As you felt the gills start to close up, you couldn’t help but moan and arch into nothing. This felt better than any time you masturbated … any time you imagined your party leader above you … Fuck, who would’ve thought sucking sea serpent venom out of you would feel this good? Thank the gods the rest of their party was off catching dinner. You couldn’t deal with them possibly hearing this.
It surprised you when your orgasm flooded through you like a crashing wave. As Laios finished sucking out the last of the venom and the mutation closed, your arousal came to a definite peak and you let out a whine. You grabbed his arm, cumming from absolutely no stimulation.
Laios didn’t seem to mind though. In fact, he was mostly preoccupied with inspecting the area. You opened your eyes, your cheeks tinged pink, and saw the globs of venom to the left dissipate to nothing but water. You pinched the bridge of your nose, “I’m sorry, I –”
“The mutation closed. I was right!” Laios looked down at you, a big grin covering his face. “How do you feel?”
“Well, I definitely don’t feel a second set of lungs on my hip anymore.” You lifted your hand when you noticed a trickle of blue staining his lip, wiping it away with your thumb. “But I … my body is still …” The ache inside you had simmered slightly, but it was still there, lingering underneath the surface.
This was genuinely humiliating. Maybe you should’ve just decided to turn into a sea serpent after all.
Laios grabbed your wrist before you could pull away from his face. He leaned into your palm, running his long nose down to your inner wrist. “Your skin is so warm. I can still smell how aroused you are from the serpent bite.” His eyes burned into yours, keeping your hand close to his face. “I can help. Do you need another release?”
Your cheeks got even more red when he acknowledged your orgasm. Shaking your head, you said, “I couldn’t ask you to do that. I can just –”
“I’d be honored to,” he replied, quite gruffly and persistent. His fingers tugged your underwear down with precision and ease, despite the damp fabric clinging to you. He spread your legs wide and placed them on his shoulders. Lowering himself down, he inhaled the scent of your climax and hooked his arms around your inner thighs. He smiled up at you – your pretty face red with embarrassment – all dopey-eyed and grateful. “You lot like to call me the devourer of monsters. Perhaps I should devour the last bit of monster out of you.”
He inhaled again, groaning like he typically did when he was hungry. His hot breath against your achingly wet pussy made you whimper with desperation. “You smell so good down here,” he whispered. “I’d wager you taste even better.”
You gasped as soon as he dove between your legs, licking a stripe through your folds, tasting your recent orgasm. He flicked his tongue over your clit before sucking on it with feverish excitement. Slick gathered on his tongue and he whined, needing more. So much more. You were the most delicious meal he’d ever tasted. Better than any monster, better than anything on the surface.
“So good,” he muttered into your pussy, lapping against your clit, doing anything that would get him more of your arousal. “You taste so, so good.”
You whimpered out his name and attempted to close your legs, but he held them opened with all his strength. His arms wrapped around your thighs went tight, bruising the sensitive flesh. Your jaw went slack while your own hands scrambled for purchase, eventually landing in his cropped hair. You tugged, hips bucking against his face, making him groan even more. This allowed him to hold your hips a little higher, and his tongue finally dipped into your leaking entrance. You heard him grunt the second he plunged his tongue deeper, his nose nuzzling your clit.
He devoured you like a starved man. He devoured you like you were a boiled scorpion, or roast basilisk, or – even better – like sweet, delicious homemade cheesecake.
“Laios,” you whined, feeling your fever dissolve with each lap of his tongue. “Laios, it’s … fuck – it’s okay, I feel –”
“Need more,” he muttered, his voice low and laced with need. He was practically humping the stone floor as he buried his tongue as far as it could go inside you. Your hips couldn’t stop bucking forward, riding his face as you felt your orgasm building at the base of your stomach. Laios was completely transfixed. He wanted to be here, nestled between your thighs, for every meal. He’d take you away from the rest of the group before dinner, lapping away to the sounds of your pleas and whimpers, so help him gods. He’d do this every day, every night, whenever you wanted, for as long as he was alive. Fuck monsters. He could survive off the taste of you for the rest of his life.
Slipping his tongue out of your hole, he went back to sucking on your throbbing clit and feeling your legs start to tremble. You had to be close to another release, and he was desperate to taste it. He paid all his attention on your clit, snaking one hand up and sinking two fingers knuckle-deep into your entrance in tandem. “Fuck,” you moaned, tugging on his hair once again, “fuck – gods, Laios. I – I’m s-so close –”
“Please,” he begged, smearing your slick all over his mouth. “Please, you’re so good. Need to see how you taste when you release on my tongue.” His own hips continued to buck against the floor.
You choked on a cry when you finally came all over his tongue. He groaned, loud and drawn out, when he finally got a taste of your sweet climax, knowing that it was him that brought you to this point. The orgasm felt long, like the ocean bringing you in and out, and your whole body trembled. He continued lapping at your clit as it pulsed under his tongue, his fingers curling inside you through your orgasm. When you finally breathed out and started to come down from the high of it all, Laios stayed between your thighs, allowing his tongue to gently swirl your clit. Maybe if he continued, he could taste a little more of you …
You found your voice, hoarse from overstimulation. “Laios, please, you have to stop,” you begged, yanking his head up from between your legs. His mouth was covered in your slick, and then he was giving you that dopey expression again, making your heart clench. Your body was no longer hot and sweaty. Laios had completely cured you of the sea serpent bite with that expert mouth of his. He unwound his arms from your thighs, bringing his fingers that were still covered with your wetness to his mouth, tasting the last of your orgasm. You watched him, eyes wide and cheeks blushing, until he was looking at you again with those golden doe eyes.
“That was amazing,” he said, like he was in a haze. When your eyes flickered down, you realized he was hard in his pants, but it wasn’t like he even noticed himself with the way he was staring at you. “We should do that again sometime.”
He stood up, and you scrambled to pull your clothes back on before the group came back. You stammered, “It’s okay, uh – we don’t have to. Especially if you don’t want to. We could just –”
“I want to,” he cut in, a determined look in his eyes. “What are friends for, right?”
#my fics#fic: please eat#laios touden x reader#laios touden smut#laios x reader#laios touden x reader smut#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#dungeon meshi x reader#dunmeshi#laios touden#laios dungeon meshi#one shot: please eat
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i think about this literally all the time. feanor is a singularity, and he would have been a singularity even if he HADN'T been brilliant. he literally was set apart from his first moments, and then again when his father bartered his happiness for his own*
there's one thing where i don't quite agree, and it's that he probably isn't the first elf to ever lose someone and see their body? because middle earth is dangerous-- there's wild animals like boar, and high places and deep waters, plants that they had to discover if were safe to consume or not...... any number of things that could kill you either passively or intentionally. the elves agreed to go to aman even after melkor was chained. but i also find it really likely that those who had accident-driven deaths were let out of mandos, maybe even following the arrivals of the vanyar, noldor, and teleri. and miriel........
but even beyond that, miriel's death is set apart because they don't actually know what happened. there's a body (like the ones who had an accident), but they aren't entirely sure what happened to cause that (more like the ones lost to the dark rider and never returned or emerged from the halls of mandos. also: your periodic reminder that the narrator is not unbiased, and may in fact be guessing or repeating a common conclusion). on top of that she is refusing to come out, and it makes them nervous. this place is supposed to be perfect, it's supposed to be safe. so they need to find a cause, and they decide that feanor is it (no wonder he spent so much of his life away from tirion wandering. i wouldn't want to be there either) so they can pretend nothing's wrong and it can never happen again
(and, well. it DIDN'T happen again. so maybe it really was that miriel put too much of herself into the making of feanor and was exhausted enough to need sleep unburdened by a body that needs things that'd interrupt rest and then spent the next however many years being bothered by people who wanted to know 'are you coming out now?' until she went 'never. fuck off and let me rest.' but its still a horrible thing to make a CHILD shoulder)
and then, to top that off, the first provably premeditated violent death (ever) was finwe. feanor's father, his only parent, slaughtered in his front hall. following that, namo refused to release him, making feanor the first orphan in aman with no hope of reuniting with his parents.** no damn wonder he lost it
sometimes I think about how things went down in valinor and it’s no wonder that fëanor was Like That TM. like imagine you’re fëanor. You live in the equivalent of paradise, the so-called undying lands and everything is supposed to be perfect.
“oh yeah all the elves are immortal and they don’t really die. and anyway this is the safest place in the world so what could possibly happen? all elves are immortal and nobody has ever died. oh except for miriel þerindë, fëanor’s mother. yeah, no one knows why she died. she died giving birth to fëanor. yeah, it’s a mystery to everyone.”
“oh yeah elves never remarry. we only marry one person our whole lives. oh except the high king of the noldor, finwë, fëanor’s father. yeah, he wanted more kids so he remarried his old wife’s friend. yeah, the valar let it happen. Each to their own I guess.”
Like this guy spent his entire life being the exception to fundamental conceptions widely accepted by everyone around him. It’s a truth universally acknowledged that elves don’t die—except fëanor’s mother. It’s a truth universally acknowledged that elves don’t remarry—except fëanor’s father.
How do you deal with the grief of losing your mother when no one around you has really experienced loss? Like yes the elves from cuiviénen have but that wasn’t really the same thing; the elves melkor abducted from cuiviénen just kind of disappeared—can that really be called death for someone (elves) who have no concept of death and loss except for this? how do you cope with being the only elf in literally your entire world who has experienced the loss and death of someone close? How do you deal with a feeling so complex and harrowing when no one can relate to your experience at all? When no one can feel what you’re feeling? When no one has before?
Like congrats! You are officially the first elf ever to experience the death of a loved one! You are the pioneer for grief! The prototype! No one can really help you through it because they don’t understand losing a mother. like how do you even begin deal with that?
apparently you don’t. fëanor clearly didn’t. but like is it any wonder why
and then on top of that! How do you deal with your father being the only other exception in the entire continent? Elves don’t remarry and no one else ever has, no one else does, but it’s fine when your father does it? and you’re supposed to be perfectly okay with that? With your father having more kids with a different wife and not feeling like he’s replacing you? And again! How do you deal with all of these complicated feelings that come along with it when no one around you has experienced something similar? how do you cope with being the only elf in literally your entire world who has to adapt to these circumstances? How do you deal with a feeling so complex and harrowing when no one can relate to your experience at all? When no one can feel what you’re feeling? When no one has before? Especially on top of whatever you’re feeling wrt the grief of losing your mother?
and then when melkor Does his Thing, literally the first elf ever to be killed in the entire world they know in valinor is fëanor’s beloved father. valinor is supposed to be a safe haven where the elves are the safest they can ever be because this place is the ultimate safe and beautiful place. There is no danger here—except there is. No elf has ever been killed (as in being stabbed and bleeding to death and leaving a body behind)—except finwë, fëanor’s father. How do you deal with the grief of loss that’s so different and at the same time so similar to the one you didn’t know how to deal with before? What do you do?
you’re already the single elf to have experienced the grief of losing a mother. you’re already the exception to everybody’s rule. you were promised that this place was unfailingly perfect and safe and yet you’re not safe. Why isn’t it as safe as you were promised it’d be? Why is it your dad that dies? Why isn’t anyone else? How is that fair?
like yeah, no wonder fëanor was Like ThatTM
#*this isn't an argument or a question. finwe had a living child he permanently separated from his mother for the prospect of more kids#we can sit here and say how much we love nolofinwe or arafinwe and their families or findis and lalwen all we like#and you know what? i like them too! some of them i really love. but they were /theoretical/ at the time they were all debating this#but finwe HAD a child. and he made a choice that ensured that child would be set apart forever because he decided that feanor wasnt enough#finwe is a very fascinating character but i cant altogether say that i /like/ him or think he was a good father. good grandfather? sure#but i think he was actively awful at making decisions about his kids that didn't hurt at least one of them in the process#**the thing that really kills me is that finwe decided to stay in the halls so feanor could have his mother. this clearly wasnt communicate#to him and is honestly the living definition of 'too little too late' bc feanor has already gone mad and i dont know that seeing her could#have helped him or prevented everything that came after finwe's murder. that was *centuries* of trauma bursting out like a lava flow#and yknow. feanor gets a lot of flack for being awful to indis but like. no one had ever had a stepparent before. feanor wasnt consulted#he grows up knowing he will never meet his mother unless he also dies because his father (who wants more kids) got married to someone else#but like. is he supposed to hate finwe? his only living parent? so the full force of that lands on her (and nolo eventually)#not very nice but honestly really understandable. there are real children in our world who handle things that poorly and theyre not even th#first ones going through that situation. and honestly it is such a batshit decision to make a decision that you know will permanently#inhibit someone else from changing their circumstance until the literal end of time#sorry about the wall of tags. like i said i think about this all the time#silmarillion#feanor#finwe#miriel therinde#silm meta
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no more mister shy guy.
OP x fem!reader
in which you can’t work out why he just won’t sleep with you
i am neither normal, nor am i hinged! i hope you guys get the vision, i literally wrote this last night possessed by some feral urge bc i just love oscar sm and i’ve been needing to write for him sooo baaad. enjoy! pls lemme know what you think <3
songs to set the vibes: delicate by taylor swift, good looking by suki waterhouse, my kind of woman by max demarco, feeling myself by wolf alice
warnings: 18+!! minors dni!! smut, pwp but also there is some plot? overstimulation, crying in a hot way, choking, unprotected sex (L bozo don’t do that!) the most minor moment of angst, fluff
2.8k words
you watch him make coffee, daydreaming, balancing your heavy head on your hand. you study him while your free hand taps against the kitchen counter, nails drumming a random beat. sunlight streams through a gap in the curtains, framing him golden. you don’t think he knows how pretty he is.
oscar is oblivious to the way your mind is ticking behind him, twisting the cap on the carton of oat-milk. you hear the plastic fall onto the counter and your tongue wets your lower lip as he reaches up into the cupboard, his back flexing beneath his shirt as he finds your favourite mug. you realise then how swollen your lip is, snapped out of the trance he had you in, the one that had you biting your lip so hard, completely mindlessly.
he’s bulked up over the winter break, filled out a lot over the course of his rookie season. he’s no longer the scrawny, anxious guy you’d met at your fathers work event a year ago, he’s broader, thicker in your hands, utterly delicious. as much as you like the way he looks, you like his mind a whole lot more. if only you knew what was going on inside it.
oscar is an enigma, quiet, hilariously dry, the kindest man you’d ever had the pleasure of meeting. you’ve been together since the start of the winter break, november, after awkward run ins and plenty of pining since the start of his first season. you’d travel to races with your dad, a mclaren sponsor, and run into the australian, stare at each other and pretend no one noticed. after months of teasing from lando, oscar finally got the kick up the arse that he needed and you’d said yes to dinner before he’d even finished asking the question.
it’s february now, a week til he needs to be in bahrain. the last three months had been serene, spent with a man made of sunshine, and you’re sad to see him go, as if you won’t be in the emirates a mere four days after him. you fear the way you’ll ache for him, having been inseparable since the dinner that started it all.
but then again, it can’t be worse than the way you ache for him now.
“sweetheart?” oscar is waving his hand in front of your face when you realise he’s been calling your name for a good 15 seconds, and you have, in fact, been staring. hm? you jump, staring at him bewildered. he looks amused. “you okay?” he coos, sliding the coffee across the island towards you.
“yeah, sorry, i, um, i just- why won’t you have sex with me?” you blurt, slapping your hand over your mouth as soon as you realise what you’ve just said.
oscar just blinks, mouth forming a little o, the permanent blush he seems to have increasing tenfold. you instantly feel guilty for ambushing him, but you were at the end of your tether. three months of nothing, nada, zilch. every move you made was refuted, ignored as if he was oblivious. you were ravenous for him, he’s so gorgeous! and you didn’t want to pressure him, but you were starting to feel like there was something wrong with you.
you’d wake up in bed with him wrapped around you, grinding against your ass in his sleep, and you’d revel in it, the rare times that he actually seemed to want you like that. you loved him regardless, of course you did, but you’d be lying if you said you didn’t need to be… dealt with. urgently.
“i- um- what?” oscar splutters, and the bottom of his mug blinks against the granite.
“is there something wrong with me? am i not pretty enough?” you whisper, shy. “do you just not… like- do you not want to do that?” you ramble.
panic fills his face, and he’s rushing around the island, by your side in an instant. he takes your hands into his, finding your eyes. they’ve grown watery, a mixture of guilt and desperation swirling in them which makes him feel ill.
“baby, no, god no.” he rushes the words out, desperate to convince you that it wasn’t you. “you’re the most beautiful person in the entire world, prettiest girl i ever saw.” he promises. “i’m just… it’s scary.”
“oh, osc.” your face falls, and you want to throw yourself off of the balcony. “i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to pressure you. if it makes you feel better, i’m scared too. but i love you so much, i just want to feel even closer to you.”
“you didn’t make me feel pressured, i’m just sorry i made you feel unwanted. trust me, i want you like that. drives me insane. but i’ve never had sex before with someone that i love. not the way i love you, anyway. scared that i won’t be good enough for you.” he murmurs.
you’re hung up on the part where you drive him crazy, the part where he loves you like that, and then you remember how vulnerable he’s being, baring his entire soul to you, and you rip yourself from the fantasy.
your hands smooth over his shoulders, until you’re softly fisting a clump of hair at the nape of his neck.
“i love you. insanely. we’ll go slow.” you state. he moulds further against you, and you quickly realise it’s for leverage, because the next thing you know, you’re in his arms. he has his hands hooked under your thighs and he’s kissing you so, so deeply that you’re dizzy. you don’t realise that you’re halfway to his bedroom until he pulls away.
“i don’t wanna go slow anymore.”
oscar places you on your feet at the end of his bed, the large, plush king-sized mattress that is currently calling both of your names. your blouse gets unbuttoned first, his hands shaking in a way that makes you melt, and his lips trail over every inch of bare skin that he uncovers. when it finally falls to the floor, his pupils are blown wide, his hands palming intricate black lace. your jeans are stripped away mercilessly, his hands shaking less now, and you take it as a sign to crawl backwards onto the bed.
he stands there, watching you, apprehensive again. you can see how hard he is, how desperately strained his cock is through the light grey of his sweatpants, and so you switch tactics. your hand grazes your tummy, skimming up your abdomen until you reach a bra strap. you toy with the elastic, holding the kind of eye contact that makes him twitch, tugging it until it hangs loosely off of your shoulder.
“i need you, osc. i trust you.” you utter, soft and enticing. one finger runs under the cup of your bra, flicking over your nipple. he can just about see the hardened bud through the lace of your bra. it’s not enough, though, and every ounce of self control depletes when you whine, “want you inside of me so badly.”
the elastic band snaps and he’s on top of you, rutting between your legs like a man starved. you drag his shirt up and over his shoulder blades, moaning as you feel each and every muscle under your fingertips.
“just wanna make you feel good.” oscar rasps, rolling his hips even harder into your core.
“take these off.” you beg, pulling at the waistband of his joggers. he somehow musters the strength to pry himself off of you, just long enough to discard the uncomfortable material of his sweats, but as soon as he looks down, his plans change.
painted over the crotch of them is a shiny pool of your slick, and when his eyes flit hungrily to your core, he sees where you’ve soaked through your panties. you’re panting when you see the stain, and you just want to get him inside of you, but his priorities have changed. oscar collapses between your legs, head buried, tongue exploring.
he groans, carnal and needy, into the fabric of your underwear, laving his tongue over the lace. your eyes widen as he dives in, licking over the wet patch until he grows frustrated. you hear the tearing of the fabric, feel his big hands pawing at your thighs to spread them as wide as they’ll go. his tongue slides right inside of you and he whines. he fucking whines. the vibration nearly makes you scream. you can’t believe this is your oscar, the same oscar that had quivered with nerves a mere five minutes ago.
“oh my god.” you chant, rolling your hips against his face. you must be all over him by now, what with the way he’s sucking and slurping, obscene sounds of wetness sounding around the room. you’d be blushing a deep red if you weren’t so turned on, shaking against his bedspread which will probably need changing once he’s done with you.
you thought that maybe he was inexperienced and that was the source of his fear, but if he was, you never would have known. he was a natural in between your legs, nipping at your clit to get you even louder for him.
you cum faster than ever, and he’s mumbling something incoherent into your pussy when you do. you’re riding the high, midway through the bliss, when a thick finger slips its way inside of you. oscar realises that he can easily slide another in, and he does. he doesn’t thrust them in and out, he grinds them against your walls, and your mouth falls open as a silent scream forces it’s way out.
you cum a second time, in record time yet again, and he still doesn’t let up. he’s hitting that spot relentlessly with his fingers, keeping your clit between his swollen lips, and you’re begging him. for what, you’re not sure, but you’re whimpering his name like you’re going to die. and what a good way to go this would be.
his eyes meet yours, and he looks unhinged. that’s when you feel it. that all consuming, belly twisting rush.
“oscar!” you try to warn him, but it’s too late, and he knows it. he makes you squirt, because of course he does. the shy guy who was scared that he wouldn’t be able to please you makes you squirt.
he pulls his mouth off of you but keeps his fingers buried deep, eyes fixed on watching the way your pussy convulses.
“holy shit.” you cry. you’re staring down at him like you’ve gone insane. he’s smiling innocently.
“was that good?” he almost sounds shy and you want to kick him.
“are you… are you serious?” you rasp. oscar just shrugs. “get up here.” you reach for him and complies, slotting himself between your legs once more.
oscar resumes the rolls of his hips, and the friction of the grey fabric against your core makes your eyes roll back.
“please, oscar, fuck me.” you whine, his head falling into the crook of your neck. he bites down, leaving behind the sting of his teeth and a faint purple splotch.
“fucking love you.” he slurs, his accent thickening in a way that makes him sound that extra bit fucked out already.
“i love you.” you murmur, forcing his sweats down his legs. his boxers are wet, just like your panties were, and you can’t help but stare. oh, it’s big.
his boxers are peeled down and you can feel yourself throbbing. his cock hangs heavy, red and dripping, painfully hard. you reach for it, looking at him to make sure it’s okay to touch, and he’s rapidly nodding his head. your small hand struggles but you make it work, and his head tips back, exposing his thick neck that you want to suck purple. your hand works over him a few times, and a visible shiver running through his body makes you stop.
“you ready for me?” he asks through gritted teeth.
“please.” you gasp, locking your legs around his waist. “however you want me, ‘m yours.” you breathe.
oscar’s eyes roll back in his head, your words sending his brain blank, and then he’s pushing home, slow and deep.
“fucking hell.” he groans, guttural. you’re so tight, warm, soaking wet. he feels like the biggest idiot in the world for waiting so long for this.
“oh.” you gasp, your eyebrows knitting together. he’s so deep. “so full.” you pant.
“can you take it, sweetheart?” oscar’s lips bump your jaw. “want you to take it.” you nod profusely, desperate to hear him run his mouth even further. your eyes clench shut when you feel him move, just the tiniest bit, readjusting.
“move.” you plead. he’s staring down at you, watching every single micro movement of your face.
oscar pulls out the smallest bit and thrusts back in, nice and slow. the drag drives you feral, the weight of him on top of you makes you weak. you want to stay like this until the end of days.
“good?” he hisses, trying to keep composed. he’s finally inside of you, claiming you as his in the most intimate way of all. he tries not to think about how many times he could have had you begging under him in the last three months.
“so good, so good.” you repeat, pushing your hips up to try and meet his.
“so pretty like this for me. always so, so pretty.” he rambles. he realises that he never quite made it as far as getting your bra off, and he needs to see all of you. the cups are tugged haphazardly down, and oscar stares at your breasts like he’s never seen tits before. you hear him hum, low and greedy, and then you feel the wet drag of his tongue across your nipple.
the animalistic whine that he rips from you makes him thrust harder, upping his pace a bit. he can hear how much wetter you get when he picks up his pace, and he changes up his rhythm, pushing all the way in and dragging out again at lightning speed. your jaw goes slack and your eyes are damp.
“baby, what’s wrong?” oscar slows to a stop, and you want to scream.
“no, no, no, keep going.” you choke out, your throat constricting with a sob. “it’s so good. feel so good.” you sound drunk, all for him, and he loses his mind completely.
he taps into that athletic stamina, fucking into you with a newfound vigour that you didn’t think was humanly possible, and you feel things that you didn’t even know you could feasibly feel. you see stars behind your eyes, his face, and nothing else but bright white. calloused fingers find your clit, and you wonder fleetingly if he’s trying to kill you when he rubs messy shapes into the much too overstimulated bud. his teeth graze your nipple, and everything seems to come together perfectly.
thick tears run hot down your cheeks, only to be licked away by eager tongue. your belly tightens, aflame for him; he’s wound your body up perfectly and you’ve never in your life teetered so dangerously over the edge.
“can feel you, baby. want you to cum, okay? ‘n then i’m gonna fill you up.” oscar grunts. you clamp down on him even tighter, thanking god for oscar’s filthy fucking mouth and birth control, and then everything snaps.
you think you scream, you know that you’re sobbing, and your throat is raw when the wave hits. oscar keeps going, intensifying your pleasure, and when he finally let’s go, it’s the most beautiful fucking thing you’ve ever seen. it’s surreal, the way his neck flexes, eyes clenched tight, brown locks flopping over his sweat damped forehead. and the sounds he makes, god. he’s muttering into your ear, lewd and shameless, and a fifth orgasm nearly takes you under.
“gonna need you everyday like this, tight fucking pussy, all mine. can’t live without this now. fucking perfect.” he’s rambling, burrowing deep into you one last time. you feel his warmth spilling into you, feel his hot breath fanning your face. he licks into your awaiting mouth.
“fuck.” you giggle, breathless.
“good?” he raises an eyebrow, grinning bashfully.
“more than worth the wait.” you whisper, mustering the strength to lift your head just enough so that you can peck his lips. “you better not hold out on me ever again though.” oscar laughs at that and you feel the rumble in your flushed chest.
“you promise?” there’s the shy guy again.
“osc, honey, that was the best. ever. ever. need you to be mr sex god more often.”
“only if you behave for me.” he smirks down at you.
“there he is.” you sigh happily.
when he snakes his way back between your legs, lapping up the mess he’s made, and then some, you wonder just what you’ve unleashed.
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whoops? lol
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taglist
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(run outta space on my taglist lol, lemme know if u wanna be added or removed)
#oscar piastri#oscar piastri smut#oscar piastri fic#oscar piastri oneshot#oscar piastri imagine#oscar piastri fluff#oscar piastri angst#oscar piastri fics#f1 smut#f1 fluff#f1 fic#f1 fics#f1 imagine#f1 oneshot#formula 1 smut#formula 1 fics#formula 1 fic#oscar piastri x you#oscar piastri x reader#f1 driver x you#f1 driver x reader#smut#fluff
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