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totallynotwaffle · 2 years

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i don't know if it's because i'm trans, or just that i've interacted with so many jewish stories, or what, but jewish culture and beliefs just resonate so hard with me. certainly a lot has to do with oppression, being a linking thread with a lot of minority groups, but i honestly feel like there's something more to it than just the similar persecution. i really respect and feel for jewish people and the way they live, the outlook and the way they find solace and joy. the way they share stories, pass on memories, just exist. i guess it's just how i also see and interact with the world in a way.

i was born russian orthodox but my family seriously never did anything with that, beyond just having some religious bits and bobs around the house that honestly we just had to look nice than anything. i was baptised but that never meant anything to me or my family or anyone we interacted with. i self-identified myself as atheist the moment i really figured out what that word entailed. i shyed away from really learning what religion honestly meant beyond my interactions with certain christian stories i was told about. i really didn't care for religion.

and yet, i always stop and listen when judaism is brought up. i like hearing about jewish holidays, what they entail and what it means to celebrate them. jewish culture is intriguing, i get captivated by it. i just hope that's not weird, i guess.

#post-it note #maybe i'll delete this later #jewish tag #ig i should make that? lol #i was re-watching jacob geller's golem and wolfenstein videos #idk what got to me but #the first time i watched them i was honestly kinda entranced #and honestly cried a few times #idk when i first interacted with jewish stuff but i def knew a few #when i was in like elementary school lmao #mostly dreidels and stuff lol i def had a few books about hanukkah #but the holocaust stories def. had an impact.#my middle school made me read Night over the summer and it left a fucking impression #and then i read maus in high school too which was even more a lot #maybe i should find and read them again #i might notice stuff i didn't before #a lot of my interaction with jewish stuff is in that lens tho #which is certainly important but like #judaism is certainly a lot more than just that event is it not?#i should probably look for more #i'd love to learn #long tags #i really need to sleep #it's my birthday and i'm rambling to myself essentially lmfao #and to the few jewish people who follow me #hey :) i hope this post wasn't. insensitive or anything #i genuinely wanna like. learn more i guess #you guys are cool and i wanna be more like you lmfao #<3

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klbzplb · 7 months

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sorry i had emotions. happy mending grian (acrylic on canvas ig)

original by @/ ink-ghoul

#i am a girlboss i am a war criminal i am clinically insane #grian #hermitcraft #my art #i rewatched his episode multiple times and cried every single time #i picked up my paints for the first time in a few months i am NOT a painter i do digital. but i honestly love how this came out #i will hang it on my wall #hermitcraft season 10

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the---hermit · 24 days

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I just finished reorganizing my bookshelves completly and now i am super tired but also very proud of the result

#aaaaaaaa i have been procrastinating this for months #and last time i did this job i wasn't happy with the results #but this time i am very very happy #and i also got rid of a few books i either didn't like or honestly don't care about #cris speaks #the---hermit #bookblr #book

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cyeayt · 1 year

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pov youre my neighbor having to break the news to me, 7 yo, that no, i didn't bless the bread at family home evening sacrament rehearsal actually, because i havent been ordained in the priesthood. you then have to tell me that ill never get to be ordained, because i am a girl. i then see a drink im pretty sure is caffinated in your pantry and spend the rest of the night wondering if i should rat you out or if that level of sin is normal for adults who play video games

#exmo #you know who you are #nonbinary #trans #exmormon #like ive never wanted to be part of the priesthood but for a few seconds there i had the sickest sense of power and honestly #if he hadnt told me that i might have cried #my mom worked nights a few times a week when i was a kid so i spent time with my downstairs neighbors #mario cart

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theirloveisgross · 5 months

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short-lived local asparagus season my beloved.

#Love throwing my money directly into farmers' hands #I don't even think about it #When I was unemployed last year and struggling it was honestly one of the things that made me the most depressed #I cried a few times about it #Sure it's privileged to have access to this kind of food. And I was so sad I couldn't really afford it.

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grandmaestershibe · 10 days

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family picture

#me #my dog bono #and my cat violet #bono has been in my life for almost 12 years he is my best friend firstborn soulmate love of my life. he very much saved my life when i was #a depressed teenager and he still keeps me steady as a bipolar adult #recently he's started having serious health issues #a heart problem that has developed into a lung problem causing sincope #for the last few weeks he's been fainting has been lethargic and he seems sad #im afraid always afraid his time is coming soon #i remember the first night when o got him #i cried all night long thinking about how this moment would be #but it seemed so far away #he was a 4 m/o puppy #he had years to live #i was going to be at least 24 when he died #basically a whole life time away #but next month I'm turning 26 and he is just getting sicker and sicker #i honestly dont know what i will do when he passes #i wish so much that we had more time together but no amount of time would ever be enough #violet is still a baby #barely 3 y/o #a scardy cat and shy girl that likes scratches on her chin and ears #she has two dimples on her cheek and her nose is two colors #we don't know each other as well but i can feel everyday out bond strengthen #I love them both so much and don't know who I'd be without them #anyways #just something off my chest #personal #don't mind me im just feeling lonely even though thanks to them im never alone

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redsodaz · 1 year

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okay guys confession time... i still kinda like be more chill

#i dont CARE how cringe it is #the characters are TEENAGERS it SHOULD BE CRINGE #i just rewatched it for the first time since like. 2017?#maybe its bc that show was the first time i was actually experiencing a fandom develop in real time?#like i had never been a fan of something since the BEGINNING until bmc and i was so excited to be an “og”#i remember someone from my school saw it live in london and i cried for hours because i was so jealous #THEY ONLY KNEW ABOUT THE SHOW BECAUSE OF ME #they did NOT deserve those tickets #i think bmc has almost always been shit on by the theatre community?#like in 2019 in those dumb tiktoks that were like “what ur fav musical says about you”#hamilton would always be the good one #and if bmc was on there it would be like “you are a LOSER you should DIE what is wrong with you lol”#which honestly is fair maybe they were right #BUT it doesnt stop me from still enjoying the show #and how it changed over the years #and how i was actually THERE TO SEE IT EVOLVE #i think thats the big thing for me #is that i was a fan of it since the first run started being talked about online?#and then when they announced the revival a few years ago i actually cried because i was convinced that it would never be brought back #and im so sad i never got to see it live #end my life material #anyways this fandom is DEAD dead but im still talking about it #just because i think rewatching it now im older and have a better understanding of #idk most things #i think when i rewatched it just now i noticed a lot of things that i DID notice when i was younger #but i didnt really appreciate until now #i think re-experiencing theatre you grew up with always comes with a strange feeling #like i 100% am embarrassed of who i was as a bmc fan BUT i also love that part of my life because i was so unapologetic about what i enjoye #and i was so HAPPY #so as absolutely debilitating the embarrassment from the memories i have from those years are

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widevibratobitch · 5 months

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#havent really been active on tumblr the last few days but now i came back to post another vent and fuck off again lol hiiiiii #i havent cried in way too long. ngl sobbing hysterically in your bed does hit different lol #anyway. what a great time to remind myself of every single bad thing anyone has ever said about my body and my face <3 #anyway i finished the sobbing till i cant breathe session and now my one eye hurts like there's sth stuck in it but there's nothing #but while i was digging in it trying to find sth under my eyelid that could explain the pain i really really looked at it #my friend once said my eyes are the colour of a swamp and by god she was right.#and like damn. i was never insecure about my eyes but maybe i should add that to the list.#but like whatever. like obv im not gonna start being actually insecure about mu stupid eyes but it did hit me that there is really #not a single thing about my body that i can with all confidence say is nice/pretty/whatever. not a single thing that i genuinely like.#like at best case it's 'not as bad as it could be'. like i have nothing lol. cant even honestly say something as silly as 'i like my eyes'#cause no. they look like a swamp.#idk im just so tired of trying my best all the time and still looking like a rotting leaking bag of garbage.#i try to remind myself that i dress funny and do fun make up and that is what people will notice about me but the truth is #everyone will still always see that under all that bs im just plain ugly and just generally unattractive #and ill never be able to distract anyone from that not really #like ik people who like me dont care about that but thats the thing.#im just tired of being one of the people that will always be liked/loved/whatever 'despite' sth.#like there is nothing of value in me that is NATURAL. its all fucking fake.#anyway. wish i were dead same old same old.

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ark1os · 5 months

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I didnt know the tags woulr be so much i shouldve just wrote a long vent 😭😭😭 rip

#lol. there are still times where my brain goes omg what if you’re really a narc #and then i go out of my way to make sure my friends are as comfortable as possible and thati meet all their needs and i apologize every few #minutes for something silly or for maybe hurting them unintentionally and then i remember of #every fallout w people in my life where i was always taking responsibility for my actions n for my role to what led to the fallouts no #matter how toxic the person was and i remember all the times i geniunely apologized to my siblings for my mistakes (without them pointing #out i did smth wrong) and i remember all the tomes someone told me i hurt them and i owned up to it and apologized and then i go #oh ywa. maybe not ?#bonus: all the times i helped someone out in secret to bring some ease in their life without ever telling them or bragging eith it or #using it against them or reminding them that i did x y z for them #and then all the times where my guilt ate me up at nights and i cried and the times where i brought out the best of people because my love #is Nuturing. yea #AND I GUESS THE FACT THAT MY EX BEST FRIEND TOLD ME IM A NARC AND I STRAIGHT UP WENT OMG YEA! PROBABLY! BECAUSE I WOULDVE BELIEVED HER #ANYTHING 😭😭😭😭 BECAUSE INWAS SO SURE SHE KNEW ME BETTER THAN I KNEW MYSELF! 😭😭😭#BECAUSE I HAD LOST MYSELF COMPLETELY IN THE FRIENDSHIP 😭😭😭😭 NOT VERY NARC OF ME 😭😭😭😭😭😭#but yea. i guess abandonment issues apathy and lack of communication skills (which leads to passive aggressivness) will make you look like a #narc i get where she came from! but still. if i ever see someone diagnose other people i will simply tell them to shut up #especially based on sentences taken out of context. not very sexy #and also very stupid.#rationally seen i shouldve kicked out the thought that im probably not one when my therapist told me theres no chance i am but. when you get #treated like a freaking mondter from the people you’ve trusted deeply. it does something to you >.>#also when my therapist said that she has No rights to make Any diagnosis or statements about other people because whatever i tell her its #going to tell her more about me than them. i shouldve just dtopped believing it honestly. like freaking sideeye to those therapists thst #told my ex friends im a narc. and a big fat kiss to my therapist for being such a beautiful empathstic underztanding patient beautiful and #kind person #alhamdulillah ^-^#kicked out the thought thst i am one *#and also a big fat sorry for being hsving no empathy. my communication skills are getting brtter and im working on my abandonment issues #(sfter being abandoned by my closest friends and family hello this is so sexy of me) and im soooo much more st peace w myself n i like and #care aboyt myself ^-^ even just writing a list of positive things ahout me is smth i wouldve never done two years ago #(also my family took me back alhamdulillah eheh)

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vegancas · 6 months

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made some icky tumblr quality gifs from Friday night!! 💖💖💖

#sad bcos i got a migraine like during the last 30 mins ish of the set :(#but at least i was fine saturday night!!#can't believe i finally got to see them again!!!!!#i honestly almost cried a few times #just like hearing all the people around me singing along!!!!#there was a really cool person across the like walkway in the middle of the crowd full NE #from me*#they had a sign that said ''sorry about the fanfic i wrote when i was 13''#jonas brothers #gif #scrapbook.pdf #cw flashing #editing to add that my cousin was also there on saturday night #she did the vip bar thing and it was cute being able to wave our phone flashlights at each other from across the stadium :3

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dragcnflame · 8 months

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so apparently they killed off bela in supernatural in part because the fans disliked her so much and how much screentime she was getting. that definitely doesn't reek of sexism. she's morally messed up for good reason and has an interesting role in the hunting world? i personally love her vibe

#*lynn proceeds to make dial up noises* 🦋 ooc #she's honestly my favourite part about s3 so far in this rewatch #the season is just so sad??? i've cried a few times already #so every time she's around it kind of lightens things a bit

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orcelito · 1 year

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I've gone through a character arc today. I'm... better(?) now

#speculation nation #animal death ment/#turns out shoving all my grief down and refusing to process it in fear of experiencing negative emotions is detrimental to me #i just went through all my pictures of cassy. experienced again what a loverboy he was...#cried again. twice. miserable experience honestly. i dont know how people do this more than a few times a year.#i have a few videos of him. including him watching a bird video on my computer.#unfortunately i never did capture his meow. which breaks my heart but there's nothing i can do about it now.#i'll just have to hold that sound in my memory. his obnoxious 'mraaaa' that could get comically long when he was begging for food #it hurts. but i'm allowed to remember that i loved him. i'm allowed to remember what he was to me.#an obnoxiously bullheaded cat that was strangely skittish at the same time.#it was annoying at the time but i treasure the memory of when he got out of my apartment unit #and i went chasing him up and down the stairs of the central area several times yelling 'cassy get BACK here!'#as he loudly did his 'MRAAAA' the whole time as he ran from me #my baby boy. tally loved him too. it hurts my heart that i cant communicate to her what happened.#no wonder she hates june bug so much. her friend disappeared & then a few weeks later theres This weird new cat #hopefully in time she can be friends with june bug too. there was a solid month or two where she haaaated cassy lmao #before a switch was flipped and she was grooming him every time he sat in front of her.#cassy may have lived for too short of a time. but he was very very loved. and i can see that in the records of him.#he was purring for me in the end. my sweet loverboy...#... i was going to try writing before work today but it seems like it's a grief processing day.#oh well. it's probably better for me overall.#negative/#sure. i guess.

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lauradonnelly · 2 years

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tas my beloved are you okay 🥺💕

my sweet fyscka 🥺

#in all seriousness tho #it has Been A Day #i think today is the most i’ve cried since the finale aired 10 years ago???#such an emotional day for me #for all of us really #i went through the over 100 pages i have in my ‘the end’ tag and relived so many emotions 😭#and i’ve admittedly felt a little disconnected from merlin over the last few months #and i’m not sure why #but today reminded me of how important that show will always be to me #and now it’s irreparably damaged my psyche (lol)#but anyway!!#i am doing…ok #not great #like i’m so exhausted from all the tears and my eyes are so dry #and im #emotionally wiped out #but honestly i am just so proud of the fandom for persevering after a freaking decade of no new content #and as emotionally taxing as today was #it was the first time in a long time where my dash and the tags were flooded with endless merlin #and that made me really happy #just to know that our little fandom is still hanging in there #waiting for arthur to rise again 🥺#i love you fyscka thank you for checking on me 💛💛💛💛💛💛💛#feuxx #tas replies to things #lovely people

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akkivee · 2 years

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between hyped up and the bat halloween event, hitoya clearly misses performing on stage lol

#this is vee speaking #LET HITOYA BE A ROCKSTAR LOL #like the extra lines on his bat halloween card have him reminiscing on that feeling of performing in front of a crowd!!!!!!#music is his soul too!!!!!! that rockabilly soul of his!!!!!!! 😩😩😩#*cries* i wanna see baby rockstar hitoya jamming on stage with his guitar 😭😭😭#lol iirc we got the jakurai can play piano reveal at the same time we learned hitoya’s fcking talented at the guitar #so i would see a few teen guitarist hitoya playing with keyboardist jakurai and IT WAS RLY CUTE 😭😭😭#honestly i would cry if we ever got to see 3dcg bat in their halloween costumes rocking the house lol #if splatoon and vocaloid can have their idols change clothes mid concert so can hypmic lol #(never mind we’re supposed to have tdd perform which means tdd outfits on stage like that’s cool and all but nagosaka exclusionary lol)

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monster-noises · 2 years

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Im so happy it's almost your 2 year!! Congratulations on that milestone that is absolutely such a celebration. How have you felt since getting top surgery? Any unexpected and happy benefits you didn't think or expect to be a happy thing before the surgery? 🎃

thank you!!! considering I was waiting in Limbo for 5 years waiting to be contacted by the surgeon I really didn't think this day would come where I just feel Normal having a Body.. So every milestone is a gift and a blessing! Things since surgery have felt..... just so nice. Just.. Peaceful. just nice. y'know? (I mean aside from the Agonies but that has to do with the shambling mass that is the Rest of my life and not my chest) I've always described the way I experience(d, it's not so much a factor in my life anymore) dysphoria was less an acute sensation or thought and more of like... a Vague Schism? like I piloted my body around but I wasn't really there? it's hard to explain.. cause it's the kind of thing you notice more actively after it's Gone than while it's There. T helped a lot, keeps helping a lot, but after top surgery, when I'd finished healing and could just.. live my life Sans Tits I could feel that schism close, and the me in my head and the me in the Meat World finally.. met. And it's just.. really nice. Having a Body. Being your body. it's a good fucking time. leaves a lot of room for other things. I don't think there's been a lot of... surprises? so far.. in terms of what I've found happiness in.. I guess the journey I've been on from being kind of uncomfortable with how my body ended up being shaped after they scooped out Literally Everything to kinda loving it but that's more related to a lightly separate but definitely entangled journey of self discovery (everyone say Thank You Karl) So I guess the most surprising and pleasant thing is just How Much it helped me feel more comfortable in my gender? But really all of it's been great. Very chill, very peaceful, 10/10 no regrets. \(v-v)/

#monster noises #I feel like I had such a weird experience with the surgery itself #I think I posted about it at the time but like..#I really wasn't feeling it at first #not like.. regretting the surgery I knew that was the right choice #but I just felt bad and weird and even more foreign in myself #until things settled down and I could take of the medical binder #and I didn't have to do so much everyday care and worry about if something was going wrong #that I could let it sink in?#and even then I didn't have my emotional-viral-video-moment where I cried in the mirror about it #(to be clear I'm not saying anything about that kind of reaction! I'm honestly kinda jealous that I never got that...#it just feels like that's what the expectation is...)#instead I was just.. hanging out at home one day #all healed up a few weeks later #just living my life #when I stopped in front of the mirror and it was just like #Oh.#hey!#There you are! I've been waiting an awful long time. It's nice to finally meet you!#I just finally.. Was #and I just smiled about it #maybe did a little stim wiggle #as I am want to do #and went about my day #very aware that an ever present static in the back of my head was just... not there anymore #and that was that

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lostandbackagain · 2 years

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shakadolin immediately after arriving in shadesmar vs five minutes later

#honestly me too shes one of those not-main-characters im obsessed with this time through #i think this is my first time reading the whole series since meeting her? so its my first read looking forward to seeing her again ig #also i asked a few weeks ago if singers can form nahel bonds #outing myself as a venli skimmer #completely forgot about her and timbre lmfao #i love timbre so much best baby girl ever #says kenna #ive cried so much today #for evi and shallan and kaladin and gavinor #this is the hardest book to read

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