#and his grief for a while effects his relationship with Buck

[bidisasterevankinard]

Wip Wednesday

do I have the stage where I start new wips but barely write the one's I have because I'm super indecisive and not inspired? yes. let's hope soon I will be fine and work on my wips I want to work on. Anyway meet new wip where bucktommy will have long angst in their relationship because Tommy needs to grief "what ifs" with Sal he never thought about till he sees Sal as Captain of 118 (it's an au where Sal is a captain instead of Gerass)(it's only the start of the fic btw)

thanks to nonny @racerchix21 and this song (the title taken from the song and it's "I tried to go on like I never knew you"

Tommy knows it all should be in the past. In stolen kisses in bars they knew Gerrard and the team would never come too. In usually passionate and wild - almost never tender and sweet - sex. In secrets they shared under sheets, when they both knew that the moment their fabric cover was gone they couldn't talk about those moments of comfort and vulnerability they shared. In breakfast’s Sal made for him and his nonna's lasagna recipe Tommy cooked for the man. In wild dreams Tommy knew could never be a reality. Especially not when Sal changed stations and firstly their meetups were less and less frequent until they stopped after Sal’s wedding. 

And Tommy swears he thought he was over it. Over Sal. Over dreams of the future they could never share. But one look at the man whose appearance barely changed since Tommy last saw him five years ago, staying near 118 trucks the same way he always did, while talking with Chim, and all that got back at him. All the memories of stolen love and painful hope to be happy, proud and loved. Preferably by his “best friend”. By the one of the best men he ever met even if they could be rough with each other or rude or just wrong. Sal always came back with sorry, that Tommy knew was genuine. They were so wrong together, but also so wrongly perfect. So electric. Sal made him feel how almost no one could. Only his first crush Eric from the army, Sal and …

“Hey, handsome, sorry for the delay, Hen needed help to choose a present for Karen,” Evan kissed his cheeks, smiling like thousands of suns.

If Tommy didn’t know and was pretty acquainted with Evan’s quirks and little signs of his fatigue, he would never think the man just ended his 48 hour shift.

“It’s fine, baby.”

Tommy smiles and he hopes his inner turmoil of seeing an old friend is not shown on his face.

“Have you met my new captain yet?”

“No, but I don’t need to.”

Evan adorably tits his head and Tommy wants his heart to be so fast only because of it and the taste of Evan’s lip balm on his cheek, but he swears he can feel the taste of liquor he and Sal were drinking last time they kissed. Right before Sal asked Jennifer out on their first date.

“I worked with Sal. Even more than Chim and Hen,” Tommy says and Evan for a second frowns and then hits his face.

“And they were no less inseparable as you and Eddie,” Chim says, with the loud sound of gum bubbles breaking.

Tommy doesn’t know when he and Sal got closer to them, but he would really happy if they never see that Tommy was there at all. 

“God, of course. In my defense it was so long ago I just haven’t even thought that all three of you were a team.”

“Yeah, I left the station almost a decade ago and it feels like it was in another life, so it’s fine, Buck.” 

Sal smiles at his boyfriend and Tommy wants to make as much room between them as possible. Maybe it will help him to to separate all these feelings of worry and anxiety and love and confusion from the sight of the man he had loved for years, but had never had the opportunity to own his love completely for himself, never feeling that Sal had given him his heart, and a man who he knows is step away from get into his own chest and rip out his heart with all the vessels and give it to Tommy if he just says the word. Sal would never do it even if Tommy would beg

I was tagged by @tizniz @cal-daisies-and-briars @diazheartsbuckley @diazsdimples

Tagging @wikiangela @neverevan @hippolotamus @watchyourbuck @evnnkinard @evansboyfriend @evanbegins @evanbi-ckley @repressedqueen @rogerzsteven @racerchix21 @eddiebabygirldiaz @theotherbuckley @pirrusstuff @saybiwithme @steadfastsaturnsrings @devirnis @giddyupbuck @honestlydarkprincess @kinard-buckley @loveyouanyway @lonelychicago @bigfootsmom @bekkachaos @bi-buckrights @bewilderedbuckley @monsterrae1 and anyone who wants to

[becausebuckley]

michelle's buddie fic recs: week 11!

wow, season 8b is inspiring some INCREDIBLE fics!! i hope you enjoy these as much as i did <3

this is a mix of fics with all ratings, so some include NSFW content. please take a look at both the ratings and the fic tags before reading! some contain spoilers for season 8.

if you come across something you like in this list, remember to show some love to the author by leaving kudos and a comment!

a left at the graveyard (i'm driving past ghosts) | bucksprideflag | 36k | GA

Margaret Buckley dies, and Buck tries to navigate grief, develops a complex relationship with apple pie, while Eddie, as always, is there. this was recced to me by one of you, and what a beautiful rec it is!! so wonderfully written, so seeped through with emotion. just lovely!

always on the tip of my tongue | bookinit/@bookinit02 | 7.2k | T

eddie’s moving. buck’s dealing with it. such a beautiful fic!! i loved the dinosaur bit and also buck and bobby <3

call me (when you need) | littleghost/@ghostlandtoo | 3.3k | E

Buck just has to wait for Eddie to come back home—he can wait. He can be good. i do think that buddie sex games while eddie is in el paso is one of my absolute favourite things to come out of the current eddie plot... this is so hot and so good and so them <3

imagine in the silence | greenbergsays/@greenbergsays | 15.5k | T

In Eddie's absence, Buck starts daydreaming that he's still in LA. This goes about as well as you'd expect. the organs bit in this one genuinely left me speechless... i love how this one captures eddie's voice especially <3

nap trapped | paleredheadinascifi | 3.5k | T

Buck wears his pink cardigan and Eddie nap traps him about it. this fic feels like a warm hug in an expensive cardigan <3 so lovely!!

negative space | effervescentwolf/@effervescentwolf | 2.6k | T

when Eddie's sheets stop smelling like him, Buck makes do. i LOVE the idea of them using each other's furniture and stuff and everything so much. and the clothes!! i absolutely devoured this fic, it's so so good <3

number one fan | laplumasucia/@laplumasucia | 19.7k | E

Buck tells Eddie he has an OF. i think the only way to describe this fic is the fire emoji. i love how the onlyfans bits were written! feels like such a buck way to use that platform for sure.

the place where the light enters | theheartbelieves | 14.1k | E

Buck struggles with the lingering side effects of being struck by lightning, Eddie struggles to deal with Buck's death, somewhere in the middle, they find a new equilibrium. ohh i love how this captures buck and eddie, and i also really liked the group chat bit! there's an intimacy here that's just <3

trials & tribulations | sammyunhinged/@sammyunhinged | 23.7k | T

Buck and Eddie have both slipped into old habits, and it’s been causing problems. They haven’t fought like this since the lawsuit. It’s not affecting their work, but Bobby’s fed up. He sends them to couples therapy. Well, he calls it “mediation,” but let’s be honest, it’s couples therapy. the structure of this one is so cool!! i loved the little peeks into their lives and then the mediation/therapy inbetween <3

under pressure | brewrosemilk/@gayhoediaz | 22.3k | E

Buck and Eddie have grand plans for their first time, it's just unfortunate that their bodies don't seem to be getting the message. they're disgustingly in love and i love it <3 there's something so intimate about this one, it's brilliant!!

warmth | hopeintheashes/@hopeintheashes | 10.2k | T

As Buck finds out, sometimes you can't just keep pushing through. Eddie and Christopher are there to put the pieces back together. this was a reread <3 such a soft lovely fic!! some of the best emotional hurt/comfort ever

without you (what am i supposed to do) | staticsilencee | 6.5k | T

Eddie is lost after a building collapse, and his body is never recovered. Completely unrelated, a stray cat shows up at Buck's window. i have such a soft spot for animal transformation fics <3 this is angsty but also so so soft, i loved reading it!!

we are like frogs oblivious | facewithoutheart/@facewithoutheart | 9.8k | E

A mysterious illness gets Buck admitted to the hospital. Upon his release, Eddie takes the next plane to LA to check on Buck. What he finds will change their relationship forever. i cannot express how fast i clicked on this little link as it popped up in my email. genuinely such a fantastic premise and so so well-written. like, one of the tags for this one is eddie moves to texas and buck gets a vagina it's fine everything's fine. do i really need to say more? i don't think so. trust me, just click the link.

we both love the smoke in our lungs | playinginthunderstorms/@playinginthunderstorms | 4.2k | E

Buck clenches his teeth, opens his mouth to speak, and Eddie can’t help the “Ha,” that bursts out, feeling petty and spiteful. “Christ, no wonder you imprinted on the dog—you’re exactly the same! Desperate for some attention, any way you can get it, huh? Rolling over and begging didn’t work, so you’re biting fingers and tearing up the furniture, cause it’s aaaaall about you. Maybe what you need is a fucking chain and muzzle.” you know those authors for whom you go yeah i'd read their grocery lists cause i bet those are great too? yeah i have that with charlie's fics too. lucky for me though i don't even need to read grocery lists, because we get brilliant, brilliant fics like this one <3

[ghostlandtoo]

thinking about the abandonment issues present in every member of the buckley-diaz lineage…

1) buck. like, obviously, number 1 is buck. we don’t have to rehash this. we all know. familial, romantic, and platonic—that man bas been abandoned by many and it has deeply affected his psyche. NEXT!

2) christopher. he also has abandonment issues—mostly stemming from shannon leaving and her death, but from eddie as well. eddie did miss out of the early years of his life, and chris might not remember that as clearly as shannon being gone, but he did tell eddie “i miss you all the time.” and now, he’s been in texas for however many months, and while that’s so his own choice, he can still feel abandoned by the fact that eddie took so long to move/make a decision regarding that. additionally, his brief period two-timing middle schoolers because they end up leaving anyway. we can attach his ideas about dating to eddie’s series of failed relationships.

3) eddie. firstly because of his dad not being present while he was growing up. and then because shannon left him. i thought you were coming back. shannon’s death right after she asked for a divorce means eddie’s grief is such a complicated thing, and he never had to come to terms with the fact that she wanted to willfully leaving him (and chris) again, besides the fact that she left them by dying. and we can say that during the lawsuit arc, eddie also felt abandoned by buck! he needed buck during that time, but buck separated himself from the entire 118, but eddie and chris specifically.

4) bobby. honestly he’s right up there with buck, but this latest episode really let us see how his dad’s death and his mom walking out on them deeply affected bobby. “i will not apologizing for leaving,” his mom says, about 40 years after the act and knowing what bobby has gone through since. (and whatever you may think about bobby forgiving her, it is both the show’s MO to forgive, and also bobby is an alcoholic in a 12-steps program. he forgives.) we see in s1 especially that his self-worth and his history effects what he thinks he can bring to relationships, even friendships, and how he closed himself off from them.

i think the show has shown all of them working through this, even if christopher and eddie are still in the middle of this emotional arc. buck still has his emotional reactions to him perceiving being left, and knows that and works to right it. bobby has forgiven his mom and dad in a way that works for him and his recovery. so on buck’s side of the family tree, they’ve worked through their issues to some degree.

now the diaz side… shannon truly haunts eddie and chris’ relationship, in the way that they’ve never talked about her directly to each other. it’s eddie passing a letter along, it’s christopher running away instead of talking. it’s something that they need to actively address with each other, rather than letting her hang over their necks.

i’ve always loved how bobby and eddie are mirrors of each other with the same grief, and it’s interesting to me with how they’re mirrored with bobby believing his mom would come back and eddie believing shannon would, too. eddie might have worked through some of that grief with kim-as-shannon but it’s still there, because he’s never dealt with how it affected christopher. “she left me, not him,” he asserted to everyone (the same way ann left tim but not bobby, since bobby chose to stay), but that doesn’t change the fact that christopher was left too.

and from what we know about the show and how it handles these topics, it probably won’t be the same as every fanfic of eddie and chris cutting helena and ramon (eddie would not.), and them having complicated feelings over shannon and each other, but the nuance is already there in how these issues run through the family, and how they’re everpresent in their narrative and character foils.

[andavs]

'#is eddie going to acknowledge that both his wife and son left and he had to uproot his entire life to follow them?'

Feels unlikely doesn't it?

I think that's been part of this plots problem. The actually interesting conversations that were set up by the dodgy initial premise aren't being had on screen or being said out loud or straight up being avoided.

The approach to this plot has been a bit like getting a parking ticket and rather than taking the medicine and paying it straight away they've left it and now the fine has got bigger. And rather than paying that new fine they want to get away with paying as little as possible. Its not going to work.

Yeah, that really is the problem. 

The fandom spent the entire summer hiatus puzzling out a million ways this batshit Vertigo thing could be worth it and make sense and have an emotional payoff that would be beneficial for Eddie and Chris in the end, and then the show actively avoided all of those options. And they were apparently already pulling back from the Shannon aspects before the finale even aired since they cut the one scene where Eddie and Chris actually talk about her, so I’m lost as to what this whole storyline that started with a Shannon doppelganger is supposed to accomplish.

Anything Eddie said to KimShannon hasn’t been mentioned, so it wasn’t about something buried finally surfacing for Eddie to deal with while Chris was gone

They haven’t mentioned Shannon once, so it doesn’t seem to be about grief or how her leaving affected them

Kim got one single mention to a priest that was almost purely for comedic effect, so it’s not about Kim

They haven’t acknowledged what made Chris need to leave the state or why he iced out his dad for months, so I doubt we’ll get much more about Eddie and Chris’ relationship

Eddie’s parents are the villains? But they also weren’t really the point of any of it

I think we’ve already gotten all we’re going to get about Eddie’s own childhood, so it’s not about him going back to where it started and confronting his upbringing

At this point, they let it fizzle out so much that it feels like the entire Texas thing was more about Buck spiraling about Eddie than it was about Eddie or Chris

It's just a weird fucking thing that happened for no reason, and instead of committing to their mistake and seeing it through, they shoved it under the rug and said Eddie needed to learn how to be a father. Again. Even though he was doing just fine until this happened.

[moonlightmornings]

hannah's buddie fic recs || pt. 4 💫

sooo i kinda lied when i said this part would be love languages edition... HAH (still plan on it lol)

anyway... as always, if you're the author of one of these please reply and i'll tag your tumblr! and check the tags and warnings before reading!!

<- PART THREE: hannah's buddie fic recs

let it rain by @bluflamingo | 4.4k words | general Buck's having a bad day, working without Eddie, and that's before it starts raining.

implications by buckleys_girl911 | 4.5k words | teen+ Buck and Eddie have decided to take things slow. The first time Buck invites Eddie in, he rips his shirt open, and it sends him right back to the day of the shooting.

hold you through it by sunseekerr | 3.1k words | NR Eddie always sleeps on the couch at the firehouse, and Buck finally figures out why.... Buck helps Eddie through nightmares.

through his eyes by babytown | 7.1k words | explicit Buck hasn't been touching Eddie, leading him to believe that Buck is no longer attracted to him due to his appearance. Buck sets the record straight.

gimme something (strong enough) by taegyungie | 3.2k words | explicit Even with the house to themselves, the door is closed; Eddie, Buck, and a lit joint passed between them.

assured by @cathcer1984 | 8.9k words | teen+ Buck turns up in Texas when Chris and Eddie need him.

in new york (you can try new things) by lilacbarnes | 13.2k words | explicit Buck and Eddie go to New York for a firefighting conference and learn a few things about each other in the process.

whatever he's doing, it looks good on you by bright_was_here | 7.5k words | NR The one where Buck and Eddie take a guys trip to Nashville and, being surrounded by country music and nostalgia, they're both forced to address their feelings.

where forever lies by @marviless | 30.9k words | teen+ Christopher has a request: to be back in LA in time for Christmas. Eddie drives sixteen-hundred miles to make it happen (and of course, Buck comes along too).

a left at the graveyard (i'm driving past ghosts) by bucksprideflag | 36.0k words | general Margaret Buckley dies, and Buck tries to navigate grief, develops a complex relationship with apple pie, while Eddie, as always, is there.

nap trapped by paleredheadinascifi | 3.5k words | teen+ Buck wears his pink cardigan and Eddie nap traps him about it.

the place where the light enters by theheartbelieves | 14.0k words | explicit Buck struggles with the lingering side effects of being struck by lightning, Eddie struggles to deal with Buck's death, somewhere in the middle, they find a new equilibrium.

under pressure by @gayhoediaz (brewrosemilk) | 22.2k words | explicit Buck and Eddie have grand plans for their first time, it's just unfortunate that their bodies don't seem to be getting the message.

wish i could help by @mickeysmyheart | 4.1k words | mature Eddie dislocates his shoulder and is in a sling for a couple weeks. Buck goes above and beyond to help him with anything he needs— anything.

why didn't you stop me? by @mickeysmyheart | 23.7 k words | explicit Buck moves in with Eddie when his loft burns down but what happens when Eddie’s sister comes to stay with them and thinks that they’re dating?

maybe we'll make something by @doeeyeseddie (farfromthstars) | 76.1k words | explicit On a road trip with Christopher, Buck and Eddie finally work through their various traumas, and Eddie faces his parents again.

-> PART FIVE: hannah's buddie fic recs

[hopecorps]

the thing about buck "making everything about himself" is not Exactly True (and also not Exactly Untrue) but it IS a crazy look into eddie's psyche

i'm seeing a lot of people saying that buck doesn't make everything about himself, so it's frustrating to see eddie throw this in his face basically every time they have a fight. it feels cruel and unfair. kicking the man while he's down bc buck is already torturing himself by the time eddie gets to him.

and i wanna start by saying that i don't think buck is selfish. but i do think that he fails a lot when he tries to compartmentalize or ignore how he feels. he grew up unseen by his family and desperate to be loved. rejection is scary for him, even the thought of it. and while eddie's never outright rejected him, they've had the most consistent conflict out of any of his relationships because they mean so much to each other, so this character trait which is understandable is often hightened specifically with eddie, especially this past season

and i think this pisses eddie off in particular because he knows almost intrinsically how to push his feelings down and ignore them. he is guilty all the time and views taking any kind of care of himself as a moral failing. any indulgence is a sin.

AND he doesn't even really apply this logic to others long-term. whenever he's been frustrated about this or accused buck of being selfish there's always a moment when it's obvious he's 1. majorly deflecting 2. immediately proven wrong or 3. realized he was wrong and apologized.

so, when buck's emotions take over and he's acting from a place of fear, to EDDIE it reads as making it all about himself. to him, his biggest takeaway is that buck cannot think pragmatically. which IS TRUE. and it frustrates him because eddie is always always thinking about the consequences of his emotions!! to a FAULT by the way, because he never actually lets himself fully process his grief. it's why the whole kim storyline happened: he never got past the anger and grief of losing shannon because he was so worried about chris, when realistically what chris needed was for eddie to think about his own needs for once instead of assuming what other people need from him. but that's a really tough habit to break

longer meta below, i had a lot to say:

the three times we see eddie say this are during the lawsuit, during the fight before eddie moves to texas, and when eddie gets the job offer in el paso

during the lawsuit buck sues the department because he wants his job back and he is convinced that this is the only way he will get it. remember that growing up the only time he ever received love from his parents was after getting hurt. getting hurt and bobby reacting with concern instead of coddling made buck lash out. he can't think about how it will effect everyone else because he is so afraid of losing them and is convinced it's the only thing that will help.

and eddie NEEDS him. it's the first time in their relationship where eddie needed buck and he wasn't there. eddie is hurt and cutting and a little mean and in his eyes buck IS being selfish because eddie would never do something like that. and well duh. he's the runner

when eddie is moving to texas and buck handles it poorly he gets MAD. buck don't you realize i dont want to do this EITHER. buck how can you be upset about this i need you to be supportive because i cannot change my mind. i cannot comfort you because this also hurts me. buck you cannot think of this as me abandoning you because i dont WANT to but i HAVE to. buck why are you making this decision that i was FORCED to make about YOU. buck what about ME.

and of course. buck had processed it and thought about that and came back with the solution: i'm your renter. and it knocks eddie on his ass.

so then it comes to this last time: buck is upset about bobby's death, and he's deflecting. eddie gets a job offer and everyone knows that buck is going to be upset about it. which he would be. he already is.

bobby dies and some of his last words are telling buck that he can hold down the fort and eddie comes back for a couple of weeks and buck does his little assessment and determines that eddie is doing fine and that he doesn't have to worry about him. but eddie is going to leave again and leave For Good this time.

this fight is about the job offer, sure, and it's about buck's angst and grief and how he can't deal with it properly because bobby gave him a Job to do, and it's not about any of that at all.

eddie was grieving all by himself. he wanted buck to be there with him. he wanted buck to ASK. buck was so caught up in making sure everyone was okay and swimming in his own grief that he couldnt even see that eddie was drowning too. he scores his grief a 12 and sends him on his way.

so eddie says the thing that cuts deep because in these intense moments where he's frustrated and hurt and upset he STILL cannot understand why buck can't just stuff his feelings into a box the way eddie does. irrationally, he wanted the one thing that buck couldn't give him in that moment. that's why he apologizes later, because he knows he's wrong, and that he says things that hurt. he knows buck and he knows what buck carries and what kills him. he knows what bobby meant to him. it wasn't even about that!!!

i don't think that buck makes everything about himself. and i don't even think that eddie thinks he does either.

i think that eddie KNOWS that buck struggles with processing his own emotions enough to see how it effects other people. eddie doesnt process them either, but he Does stuff them down because how he effects other people is his top priority. i think this trait in buck really annoys him but i think it is also one of his favorite parts of buck and why they get along so well. buck is earnest and honest and open and eddie likes to read him. but i think that eddie wants to be read right back, and sometimes buck is just not able to do that.

i don't think that either of them were wrong in this argument. to be fair neither of them were right either, they were just both hurting.

and to be clear i think the assertion that eddie was being in any way abusive (emotionally or physically) is a gross (meaning complete and also frankly disgusting) misunderstanding of not only eddie's entire character but also buck's. they're honestly just two people who need each other and struggle with their emotions enough to really see eye to eye all the time. BECAUSE of the love they have for each other

[sageandred]

I've been thinking about where these characters will go IF Bobby is dead

Eddie- Ryan Guzman has spoken in an interview he did, saying Eddie may face consequences or something to that effect of the entire storyline for seasons with Chris. I was thinking about what @ johanna-swann said in this post (about Eddie being disconnected from everyone in the 118 except Buck) & where the other characters are in life circumstances and emotionally + the fact of Eddie's absence during Bobby's death. He's going to feel guilty, no doubt, I mean I assume (can't trust Tim or Ryan Murphy), but he's got his son back and it's a 1 win, 1 lose situation. But everyone is grieving. Everyone will also have their connections they've been building up for seasons. Buck will have his (ex-)boyfriend, Hen has Karen and her kids; she's also especially connected to Chim, Chimney has the same and his family, and Eddie just has Buck, who's keeping his emotions hidden about the Bobby situation. I'm thinking, this could be a direct consequence of all Eddie's been doing for all seasons (and where his focus lies-Chris (understandable), women and relationships that go no where); I think this could be an opportunity for Eddie to have more conversations with other characters besides Buck and how we could actually get relationship-building with Hen, and Chimney, and now Ravi, that should've happened a long time ago. How is this a consequence you ask? I could see Eddid really struggling before the comfort of it all and him having panic attacks again. I could get into a whole in-depth talk on the ins and outs of Eddie, but basically I think he will really be operating between emotions of guilt, regret, and also gratitude surrounding the complex scenario of getting Chris back at this time, feeling like a bad father, and all that's led up to this point (his mistakes and all that).

Buck- struggling a ton in silence; this is going to mature Buck, for better/for worse; Athena/Buck connection (that's basically his stepmother even more now)/they're eerily the same that they most likely won't talk about their real emotions at first. I think Buck, specifically, is going to think/have some kind of crisis about where his life is going at some point, and it could make him more responsible, for the lack of a better word (stepping up to more situations and standing in leadership, idk)

Chimney- guilt/he could've saved him; a LOT of survivor's guilt; possibly depression; probably will be him struggling after the birth of he and Maddie's son, now; might question his role/compare himself to Bobby in every aspect (career, fatherhood, things of that nature)

Hen- very similar to Chim: guilt, "what could've been; if she becomes captain at some point, she won't want it/will feel very guilty about it; she'll probably be the glue though ultimately (her or Ravi-see thoughts on him below)

Ravi- I could see him wanting to quit again, either go to a new station/change professions, or more likely could push him more into being a firefighter/a reason why he wants to continue doing it and stepping up for his team after some time of the initial immeasurable grief that ensues

Athena- she is the most I'm unsure about; they're going to put her through obvious pain, so Angela can act for these episodes, but I don't know if she'll be honest about it, or hide the way Buck will; May and Harry will have to come home and help her out; I thought she'd talk about/mention Emmett, but after Angela's comment, I'm not as convinced even if she's trolling. I really don't know where they'll go with her specifically if he's dead (read my denial), because I can't see her finding love again while the show is airing, because she's already come to this realization 2 times, 3 if you count younger handcuffed-to-the-bed man (as Hen's laughing).

[djsherriff-responses]

I know they're kids movies and there was no set plan for the series besides "be fun and entertaining" but the ice age movies is a fascinating timeline of how media aimed at children changed throughout the years

Like the first two films were surprisingly grounded in it's narrative themes of grief, death and survival, which are almost none existent in the later movies

The first film had a mother of a baby die on screen and later had a sequence of the main character remembering the loss of his own partner and baby , along with the plot of Diego being conflicted between helping a mammoth return a child home and feeding his family of fellow tigers. There's also the fact said baby is a human , so there's a lot of conflict within the animal characters on if returning the baby would be worth the risk , considering the possibility he'll grow up to hunt them regardless

The second film follows up those themes with everyone afraid of how they'll cope with their climate becoming warmer. Manny in particular being afraid he is the last mammoth and feeling a responsibility to be with Ellie to ensure the survival of their species , but Ellie doesn't see herself as a mammoth and thus doesn't feel that sense of responsibility. We get a flashback sequence of her being lost when she was incredibly young and found by possums, thus raised by possums with no mammoth figures growing up, so she's dealing with an identity crisis herself while ensuring her and her brothers survive

Those movies were still for kids and had comedy obviously, but these two stories treated death a lot more seriously whilst the newer films had a different tone all together

The most noticeable example of the tone change between the first and later films is the predator/prey situation. The first movie's plot hinges on the way predator animals (and humans) need to eat meat in order to survive and the moral dilemma that comes with talking animals befriending their natural prey/predator , but by the 5th movie it's treated more as a way to make jokes than something that actually impacts the characters and their relationships. Genuinely how does Diego and other carnivores eat?

The 3rd movie does touch on Diego's situation of being a meat eater living among herbivores and the effects it's having on his physical health, but the movie rather focus on Sid's sudden jump to being a Dino dad and the secret dinosaur world than actually tackling that aspect. Diego's plot line ends up being protrayed as a guy who doesn't know how to cope his best friend having his own family, which is fine, but the film never addresses there were factors that result in Manny and Diego relationship conflict, like the fact Diego is struggling to feed himself

Like, yeah the third film arguably still has survival themes, but Ellie's pregnancy does not hinder her abilities to do anything until she's in labour and even then it's made more so to take jabs at Manny's paranoia. Buck's near death experiences are him gloating about being an extreme survivalist, it's such a stark contrast to the previous two movies

By the 4th and 5th film, the stories were focused more on wacky adventures that borderlines on the realm of fantasy that just happened to have ice age animals involved, with exploration of character's being handled with "kiddy gloves" and relying on tired tropes with increasing modern references thrown in

I know everyone brings up how the first film was a found family story of three dudes helping a baby only to go on giving almost everyone a love interest of the opposite sex, but that's just one element of how these movies changed throughout each installment

There are kid movies and media being made today that do tackle more "depressing" topics, but it seems far more rare compared stuff our generation grew up with

[buddiesystempod]

Don’t you know the 118’s still standing better than they ever did? 🙌 Looking like true survivors, feeling like little kids.

🎧 Listen on Spotify: I'm Still Standing (Season 2 Wrap) 📺 Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/I6aJGlfTZ-8

This week, Han, Cil, and Rachel 🗺️ map out the emotional journey of all our favorite characters in Season 2 of 9-1-1! We explore 🔎 how grief, loss, and trauma shape each character’s arc and how they cope with their pasts while trying to forge their futures. 🔮

We highlight the clever parallels between different character’s storylines and how they reflect the overarching themes of ‘finding your path’ 🛣️ and ‘having each other’s backs’.

We discuss the impact of key moments and episodes that live in our minds rent free, from LSD hijinx 🤣 to confronting the ghosts 👻 of your past, proving that 9-1-1 isn't just a procedural but a character-driven drama.

The ➕ addition of Maddie and Eddie expanded and enriched the found family dynamics we fell in love with throughout Season 1. Buck’s struggles with being abandoned… again and we dissect how his relationship with Eddie opens up a brand new path in his story. 

We hypothesize on ‘What If’ 🤔 scenarios, taking a look at the butterfly effect 🦋 of a single choice. And don’t miss out on the new fears this season unlocked in us! 😱

Hop in the fire engine 🚒 (just not the Captain’s seat) as we look back on Season 2 and how Bobby, Athena, Buck, Eddie, Hen, Chimney, and Maddie choose their lives as first responders with passion and purpose, time and time again. 

[jackabbot]

I really hope my ask here doesn't start discourse or like potentially draw angry people to your blog but I too find punch discourse insane because it's absolutely insane that people find Chimney awful and irredeemable for that when so many people move on from that time when Buck tried to refuse care to a teen mom who was hemorrhaging after giving birth. Like I guess the point is it's insane that damn near every character's sins are brought up (especially if Buck is on the opposing side) but so many people are just straight up not willing to ever go as hard on Buck for some of the messed up things he's done. I really do love Buck as a character but man some people in the fandom woobify him so much and it's incredibly frustrating.

first of all, don't worry about stupid people flocking to my blog with drama, i'll just block them if they get annoying <3

and yeah, out of all the characters Buck gets woobiefied the most, hands down. i think it's partially because a lot of people didn't watch or sleepwalked through season 1 and forget that Buck was the deaignated troublemaker character. a lot of people think of him as this co-parent for Eddie and Christopher, this responsible guy who saved Chris in the tsunami and who helped Eddie get the help he needed with childcare.

and not the guy who literally stole ("borrowed") life saving municipal equipment without permission while on shift. i think we giggle a lot about how he stole the truck on multiple occasions just to get his dick wet, but what if there was a call coming in? you know, actual people dying in a fire.

and yeah, he was hotheaded (still is in some cases) and didn't have the best of judgement all the time, but that was part of his journey. people mostly remember the big buddie moments (the shooting and all the crying) and kinda just... forget all the shit he put people through over the years.

and i love him so much, because he's a fucked up character learning to be good and it's interesting to see.

but also, i already went into a rant about Chim's situation, so i won't do that again, but i will say that a lot of people get super high and mighty when it comes to mistakes or wrong-doings of fictional characters, saying that "it makes no sense" or "he wouldn't do that" going off of the thought process that they themselves would not do that — which is also probably false.

most recently we saw how people were saying that Eddie would not go after a woman who looked exactly like Shannon — his dead wife and his life's focal point — just cuz he was in a relationship; which he already wanted to bail on once, mind you. because they can't imagine the effects of grief this character went through or understand his motivations because of it.

and i think that's the same thing with Chim. no nuance, just "violence bad. buck is pookie. he doesn't deserve it." and that's that. nevermind the incredible stress and heartbreak and the feeling of betrayal Chim was actually going through.

also, again. this is a TV drama, which means they gotta do stuff just for the drama. take it or leave it, i guess.

[lover-of-mine]

#anyone want to hear my season 7 buddie spec that has no basis besides the voices in my head? sdoaksoaksokasokasoak yes ! me i always like to read your metas and what you have in mind

thank you for the support oaksoaksoaks

okay, I'm gonna start this off by saying this whole thing hinges on whether or not the show is gonna keep mirroring Buck and Eddie's personal journeys and this is mostly about Buck, I have no idea what they're gonna do with Eddie lol. First of all, this set back when the finale aired about the similarities between Buck and Taylor and Buck and Natalia and that illustrates it beautifully, the whole she came back, they seem happy, are they really? and that's a point against Natalia lasting in my opinion. But the thing is, I think Bucktalia also mirrors Eddiana, and that's when things start to get interesting in my brand of insanity. You have Buck treating Natalia's hand, you have Eddie treating Ana's, Ana and Natalia being reduced to their jobs, the first date in broad daylight in a cafe of some sort, a second date at home being interrupted by the rest of their lives (if you push a bit and think about Kameron's pregnancy, both dates are interrupted by their children even if the baby isn't Buck's on the ways that matter), you have the picture-perfect ending at home after a near-death experience, so the parallels are there too. And that means one important parallel, Buck holding on for the wrong reasons the same way Eddie did, which could doom that relationship further, but also leave Buck spiraling. Because if we're comparing personal journeys, Buck is in a state that's a mix of season 4 Eddie trying to be happy through the trauma and outside looking in/fear-o-fobia Eddie. I think we can even directly parallel some stuff, like, I truly believe the cemetery is the way Buck would handle the outside looking in kitchen talk if that went the other way around.

But the thing is, Buck needs to deal with the shit that happened to him before getting together with Eddie so I'm choosing to look at these as fuel for my Buck Breakdown beliefs. Unlike Eddie, Buck actually died, so that changes the dynamic a little bit, there's also the way that Buck doesn't care about his own life enough to break over dying, but while Eddie's PTSD has many triggers, the thing that actually breaks him is the knowledge that he didn't save the people he thought he saved. So my grand theory here is something happening to Maddie, Bobby, or Christopher that makes Buck lose it. I don't really think they would do something to Chris, but using him would have a similar effect if it wasn't for the fact that it would also break Eddie. Eddie himself doesn't count in this situation unless is both Eddie and Chris, because Buck would be forced to keep it together if something happened to Eddie for Chris' sake. Or maybe if they like, killed off the Buckley parents and forced Buck to deal with that grief. But Maddie or Bobby, dangerous situation, close call, hospital stay, honestly, something that would leave them in enough danger to trigger Buck, low-key don't think you need much to trigger that man. But trigger, Buck losing it, Eddie talking Buck down (how would Eddie find out Buck is losing it? I don't know, plot convenience, I like the idea of divorced-era Buddie and Eddie storming the loft because he's tired of Buck's bullshit and finding him, or maybe someone from dispatch calls Eddie because there's been a call from Buck's address, I don't know, they can get creative there), Buck working towards working his own shit out. But we're in this weird season 4/season 5b mix, right? How do we end s4? Near-death experience that calls back to a previous trauma, big revelation, aborted love confession.

One thing I refuse to compromise on is the fact that Eddie had his oh! moment during the shooting (it's my truth I am not letting it go) so you can probably see where I'm going here, right? A Buck in a better mind space almost dying by chance, getting saved by Eddie, and realizing something. You see the vision? Current vision goes back and forth between equipment malfunctioning, Buck falling, and Eddie being the only one close enough to get to him, this usually goes around a cliff, a bridge, and Buck falling into water (I know the truck bombing is not technically equipment malfunction but equipment did try to kill him, and water is Buck's worst enemy lol), or Buck and Eddie stopping to help someone, and shit going to hell, this vision usually goes with Buck and Eddie seeing a car crash of some sort, again someone drove off a cliff or off a bridge, they go to help, Buck gets trapped in the car, Eddie needs to save him (trapped under a vehicle, water) or just straight up having them drive of a bridge. Because something really big about the shooting is the way that, one it happened by chance, two they weren't supposed to be there, three Buck didn't have anyone he trusted there so he did the saving alone, and four by having Eddie get shot, you're bringing up why he left the army. So with Buck, if they stick to this pattern, you need to drown him or trap him under something, or both. And you have the way the lightning parallels the well and the shooting, and the well triggered something for Eddie, you have the whole you need to keep fighting, find your own way out, the suffocation aspect for both of them when you realize Eddie is about to drown and Buck's lungs are not working, and also the way Buck is supposed to learn something during his coma that could lead to a conversation similar to the will reveal. This is when the vision gets cloudy. Because ideal world, the reveal is Buck's feelings and we don't have an aborted love confession, we have a plain old confession, but the aborted route is always a possibility with a see you in season 8 thing.

But yeah, Buck breakdown, Buck starting to deal with his shit, near-death experience, Eddie having to save him alone, tense conversation after. I'm also slightly obsessed with what could happen in a scene where Eddie is dragging Buck out of the water, cpr, mouth to mouth, "you're not doing this to me again", Buck coughing up water while sitting up, Eddie catching him, "I got you, I got you". The possibilities are ENDLESS. Just put Ryan's emotional power to work. All those fun things oskaoskaoskoaksas

Also, this mostly hinges on Buck doing something to change their relationship because considering Buck tripped into 4 relationships, he needs to start this one. I'm a firm Buck needs to do something first believer. Buck's endgame relationship needs to start with him making a move. Also, my whole Buck needs to choose thing is all about Shannon saying that Eddie keeps making all the choices, so Eddie needs to let go of control and Buck needs to go for what he wants.

[i-cant-stop-fandoming-help]

Feeling bored and gonna work on ship month here in a bit. BUT IN THE MEANTIME! Here are some animals I associate with DRA characters and why. not all DRA characters are here-- in fact, theres only a few, but I may reblog with additions later.

Warning for like. violence and death and whatnot on at least one.

Utsuro - Deer(or more accurately, a buck.) Why a deer? You may be asking. Well, here's a little fun fact about bucks. Their antlers can get caught in one another's, and when that happens... Well, the two bucks will either stay trapped until they both die, or one will be eaten by a coyote(or something similar) until only the head remains, freeing the other. In some cases, one buck may take the other's head off with sheer strength.

And the head will stay, staring at the surviving buck, until the surviving buck sheds his antlers. So why a deer? Well, I view the "staring into the eyes of your rival" as something similar to Utsuro staring at Yuki while taking his whole life away. Yuki's not there, but he is; Utsuro plays the part, and he convinces himself. But when he looks right ahead, and the truth? He sees the dead remains of the life he stole.

Akane - Swan Swans mate for life, as the saying goes. And it's true! And while I don't ship Utsuro and Akane, their relationship in-canon could be viewed as the unhealthy version of the love between swans. Does Utsuro love her back? Maybe, maybe not. He loved her enough to want her to live, though.

But when a swan's mate dies, the living one may die from a broken heart. It's not a guarantee, and it doesn't happen for all swan species... but there have been many cases where a swan will die soon after it's mate did, due to the anguish and grief it feels; it will stop taking care of itself.

Perhaps its just me, but I've viewed Akane's actions in both games as desperation to stay with Utsuro; to not lose him once more. In SDRA2, when she's kneeling in front of him, it appears as though she may let herself die to join him. Which I find similar to swans.

Rei - Raven (but also a Crow) While owls are often associated with intelligence, they really aren't that smart. But ravens? They are, indeed. According to allaboutbirds.org, Common ravens will work in numbers to get food-- be it stealing eggs and chicks from seabirds, or attacking newborn lambs. And they can connect the dots of cause and effect-- leading them to know to go to where they hear a gunshot, so they might find food.

Not only that, but some ravens can mimic human words(or the calls of other species), similar to a parrot. So why do I associate ravens with Rei? Intelligence. And, while she is solitary for a majority of the first game, we see her being willing to work in a group for better results near the end(although, part of the credit goes to Satsuki.) That is what makes her like a "Raven" to me."

But, what was pointed out to me by a friend, is that Ravens and Crows basically represent two sides of her. while they're both intelligent, Crows are more commonly associated with wisdom and overcoming troubles-- but Ravens? They're associated with sorrow and grief.

They're both similar to her, they're both parts of her. So she is winged, she is wise, and she is frail. Her bones are hollow, and she sits at the grave to whisper "Nevermore."

Never will she let someone she cares about die. Never again.

Kanata - Dog While I have no specific breed in mind, Kanata is a dog. At least to me. And it's due to the fact that owning a dog can have positive benefits on your health-- with studies showing that having a dog can ease stress and anxiety, as well as loneliness and depression. It can also encourage exercise with how often dogs need to go on walks.

Alongside that, there are dogs trained to help those with health conditions. They can pick up on heart rates and signs that their handler is in need of medical attention, and can alert their owner to sit down or can get help from nearby people. Due to these jobs and these facts, an association with dogs always comes to mind when Kanata does. Not to mention how friendly she is, and how most dogs are the same.

Kizuna - Butterfly It feels like a strange pick-- a bug for a woman who'd like cringe at the sight. But butterflies represent change, as seen with their cocoons. "But Kizuna doesn't change within the game!" she doesn't exactly have time to.

In her character sheet, (i am using the one translated by u/toastcat333) it states "during her school life before she lost her memory, she realized her mistakes and worked to fix her problems." That is change-- that is improvement, even. In the game, where we see what she was like "before" the school life, she doesn't seem like the type to even want to improve herself. But, when at a relatively normal hopes peak, she does try.

Maybe it'd be more accurate to say that pre-school life Kizuna was a caterpillar, and that, perhaps, the 79th class was her motive to go through metamorphosis. But, nonetheless, she is capable of change. That's why she's a butterfly to me.

[myimaginarywonderland]

Omg, you all are reaching. Sorry to say this but some of you all love to grab onto something completely unrelated and just throw it into discourse that has nothing to do with the actual point.

Gallavich started as two teenagers from very abusive and one hard-core homophobic home. It portrayed the complicated relationship of two teens who grew up only seeing love portrayed by violence and neglect yet fell for each other. Shameless as a show has never once tried to portray any of the characters as right and the core of that show is how growing up in a poor, abusive environment effects children who were raised in that. Shameless is a show that discusses the intract relationships that form kids. Gallavich is criticised multiple times by people on the show and never portrayed as healthy. The core of that relationship has always been about their dependency on each other through a traumatic journey. Gallavich is liked by fans because of how complex not only the characters themselves are but also the relationship. It is a very deep and complex dynamic that is explored in depth by people in the show and the show itself. Never once is it portrayed as without flaws. It is also, again, in a completely different setting and time period, which has nothing to do with any of the 911 characters. Shameless as a show has a completely different premise (it is a social critic or study almost if you want to talk about it broader) than 911.

Also the critiquing a character for their behaviour is not racist. Instead, we should criticise the writers for their deeply racist stereotypes and harmful portrays which directly result in the characters actions becoming unlikeable. A fan calling out a characters harmful actions as a result of not dealing with grief properly is not racist, it is simply a fan unhappy with a decision (that while made in a writers room) directly affects the canon characterization of said character.

There is no doubt that there are fans who are racist towards Eddie and have been racist to Ryan Guzman who deserve to be called out by everyone for their behaviour (however those fans are in all corners of the fandom and just using valid criticism to mark their hatred.) Just as there are fans who have definitely babied Buck and almost made Buck out to be this white saviour can do no wrong hero (again while this is also fans using racism, we should talk about how the writing has actually played into this narrative.) Neither are welcome or correct and should be called out by everyone in the fandom space. However both sides are just abusing you all pitting yourself against each other while ignoring the very valid criticism for Eddie as a character (again, main problem here is the writers but you can't critise only the writers when the character has now been written this way for a while and his behaviour has long gone unignored. There is a distinction between writers and characterization but sadly it is so small nowadays that you absolutely are valid in voicing concerns about both.

So, while the main problem behind this all, is the writers, their actions have now formed Eddie into a character who absolutely deserves backlash (just as other characters deserve and should be called out for dangerous, harmful behaviour or actions regardless of their race.)

To the people who were discoursing over Eddie and hated what he said and how he acted towards Buck . Y'all would NOT be able to handle Gallavich . Shaking in your fuckin boots over Mickey actually . Watch one episode of Shameless with Mickey Milkovich in it and come back and I fucking bet you , you will reevaluate your opinions about Eddie Diaz . Unless you're just racist and hate when men of color express any kind of emotion . In that case , simply delete your account and never watch the show ever again , thank you

[pyramidladleader]

I am going to try to refrain from mentioning griffguts or being preachy in response to this reblog as the arguments seem logical at first. There are three points in this post that I view as blatantly false and I'd like to both explain my pov and why I love the female characters of berserk so much.

Point 1: The majority of characters have writing flaws or not enough screentime.

This one really confuses me because I can't really think of major writing flaws in any of the characters mentioned (except debatably Casca but we will get to that later) especially Farnese (who has the best arc in the series second only to Guts who is y'know the main character) and Shierke (who has a wonderful little arc of grief, mentorship, and accepting a new family). Yeah technically most of the characters I mentioned didn't have much screentime but that's because they're mostly side characters and aren't as important to the larger plot or Guts' internal character. Even with reduced screentime Luca is one of the most lovable characters I've ever seen, Flora is wonderfully mysterious and pushes along Shierke's arc, and Erica is debatably the straw that breaks the camel's back for Guts and is one of the major reasons Cracks in the Blade is the best chapter of fiction I've ever read.

Point 2: Miura's writing is sexist and reduces the writing of female characters to plot devices in the name of male characters.

I won't lie this is probably your best point and is easily the most contentious part of berserk for me. However I do think the only times Miura was ever blatantly sexist was with Wyald and the Troll Cave and every other time is a side effect of how berserk changed from and external story to an internal one. Pre-conviction Berserk is about the interpersonal relationships of Griffith, Guts, and Casca or the people around Guts as he holds his temper tantrum. After-conviction the story focuses more on Guts' internal state as he improves as a person while also switching to the pov of the Neo Band of the Hawk as the rest of the world progressively gets colonized by Falconia. The unfortunate side effect of this shift is that almost every character that can't directly affect the Falconia plotline or can't communicate with Guts is severely reduced. This leads to people saying that Casca as Elaine as a plot device just to move along Guts' character and I would agree... if Corridor of Dreams didn't exist. Corridor of Dreams shows us that a small part of Casca was aware the whole time and we see her strife and the pains she had to wrestle with forcing her to regress into Elaine. This mini arc also happens to star only female characters while being the second best mini arc in the manga. Corridor adds complexity and tragedy to Casca as Elaine without having to use Guts as a vehicle for that. this conversation about the sexism in berserk is infinitely complex and much too deep a question for my tiny little tumblr post to delve into fully. I admit I have my biases but I really don't think that Miura was trying to directly be sexist with any of his major female characters.

Point 3: Gutsca is toxic and not compassionate

I will keep it a buck, this was your dumbest point by far. I may have miscommunicated my opinion on Gutsca so I will state it here without any doubt: Gutsca is a beautiful and compassionate ship of two people who truly understand each other that was ruined and torn apart by the actions of Griffith. Guts still loves Casca post eclipse but he cannot have those feelings reciprocated and, mirroring Griffith, has a temper tantrum about it which the store reprimands heavily Guts has to come with terms with the fact that his love may never be able to love him back again even with her mind restored. He has to realize he can never kill the monster that did this to him. He has to realize that all he can do now is protect the ones he loves. Gutsca was always doomed with Griffith around and the beauty of that relationship died because one man couldn't hold himself together. It shows the cruelty and beauty that is the nature of love and the world itself. Calling it toxic after it concluded is absurd.

Sorry for the long ass response I really really really like berserk if you couldn't tell. I might have made some messy points here but I tried to remain objective and not to rock the boat on Griffguts because yeah i still have opinions on that ship I will take to my grave. Lmk if I said anything dumb as hell here. Berserk is my favorite series to pick apart and analyze so I'd love to hear what you have to say about it.

The misogyny in the berserk fandom is actually crazy bruh

Like I just saw someone say that a gutgriff amv is all that you need to know about berserk ignoring all of the wonderful characters not named Gut or Griffith. People who've only seen the anime have no excuse either cause Casca is easily the most complex Golden Age character and seeing her turn into a yaoi victim is really disheartening. Farnese, Shierke, Flora, Isma, Luca, Erica. None of these characters get nearly as much appreciation despite their importance and complexity. I have opinions on gutgriff I will not spill here but my main frustration with the berserk fandom on tumblr is the fact that people on here will criticize Miura's writing choices as sexist and then shaft all female characters in the name of a toxic yaoi ship. Worst part is that the same aspect of the fandom with mpreg guts and femto appreciation blogs is the least toxic part of the fandom. Casca I'm sorry girlie you deserve better.

[christopherdiazz]

Okay but I am not over how Buck was so clearly framed as the "person who had to watch their love almost die right in front him but now has to take the full responsibility of taking care of their son and continue to work all while being a complete and emotional wreck".

Like when Buck had "the hardest job" - Chimney perfectly put it- and went to tell Christopher about Eddie and was trying to reign in his emotional turmoil, once he saw that Eddie had made it through surgery he just could not keep it in anymore. He completely broke down and CHRISTOPHER was the one to comfort BUCK before they both comfort each other. Which I always go absolutely feral about bc even though Buck wears his emotions on his sleeves we all know how he tends to put others first. We saw how he was trying to reign in his own grief so he could be there for Christopher. Because being there for Christopher was the most important thing in Buck's eyes, his own emotions be damned. An yet once that he saw that Eddie survived surgery and was going to be okay, he could not control it anymore.

And then we see him staying at the Diaz house and taking care of Christopher. However, Chris is the one who has to wake up Buck to school. That lil moment reminds me so much of a scene in Practical Magic where Sandra Bullock's character, Sally, is grieving the death of her husband and her daughter tries to wake her up to take her to school while Sally is numb just completely overtaken by her grief. We see Buck be the same way. And even though he does get up and takes care of Christopher and goes to work, we see how not okay he is. so much so that he wants get shot by the sniper as well

Which leads me the integral scene with Buck and Bobby. We all talk about the BLATANT parallels between Buddie and Bathena that this episode beautifully showed, but I gotta talk about it again. Right when Eddie had gotten shot, Bathena had the biggest fight of their marriage. But once they got their feelings out from the fight and was effected by the shooting, they had a honest conversation about what was bothering them. Which hugely consisted of Bobby talking about what it was like to witness what happened to Athena and how it effected him. Which brings me back to the scene with Bobby and Buck. When Bobby tells him that what happened to Eddie wasn't his fault, we get a DIRECT parallel with Buck saying "No but I was just the guy standing there who couldn't do anything about it" to which we get Bobby just staring at him in what seems to be a knowing look mixed shock and recognition. Because that was what he was literally what he was talking about with Athena. In the end of s3 with what happened to Athena and then in this season as well (especially this season) we see Bobby talk about and deal with witnessing HIS WIFE having a traumatic near death experience. Which was blatantly paralleled with Buck's trauma and grief with Eddie. (Two ppl having to witness the person they love most/their spouse almost die.)

But the parallels don't end there folks. No sir.

Not only do we get a hospital scene with both Bathena and Buddie but there are so many parallels in the Bathena hospital scene with Buddie. First we have the obvious of Athena sitting at Bobby side like Buck sat by Eddie's side as they both have emotional conversations. But whereas Buck mentions how he thought it'd been better he had been the one who had gotten shot instead of Eddie, Athena talks about saving Bobby.

Which I would like to point out the parallel of Buck helping Athena save Bobby and his knowing look when she said that it had to be her to save her husband. He understood that need and helped her be the one to save Bobby and not the actual firefighters (of course there's other reasons for Athena being the one like the guy having a gun but still).

But back to the hospital scenes parallels. In Bathena's hospital scene and the second one for Buddie (aka the Will™ scene), both relationships have a certain... shift if you will. Bathena's issues are fully solved and their relationship has grown even more for the better. And with Buddie the shift is also a growth in their relationship, just in a different way.

Because seeing how Eddie getting shot effected Buck and made him think so lowly of himself that he thought it'd be better if he was the one who got shot but also saw how Buck to continued to take care of Christopher despite of it, Eddie decides to finally tell Buck about the will. It's not only a shift of finally acknowledging the will after keeping it a secret for so long but a shift in how they're relationship is going to be for now. Sure, they already planned to always be in each other's lives but this seals it.

And what helps both relationships shift as all is what Athena and Eddie tell Bobby and Buck, respectively Athena tells Bobby that she couldn't let a little fire keep her from saving her partner. That right there is Athena reaffirming that Bobby is her partner, that she acknowledges the issues they had talked about previously about not acting like equal partners and reaffirms that they are fact partners. But then she also shows how much she loves Bobby. He's her partner in every way and she would (and did) walk through literal fire for him (which in LS we saw Judd use an example to show how much he would show Grace how much he loved her). Athena not only reminds Bobby how much she loves him, how she feels, but also tells him what he needed to hear that moment with what they were going through (especially with his lingering issues with what happened to Athena s3).

Now, with The Hospital Scene™ with Buddie, we get Eddie telling Buck about the will (which, given the fact that he kept it hidden for a year ass year indicates that it was a pretty big deal for Eddie to finally tell him) and Eddie does it because of what he also tells him. That Buck, Evan, in fact not expendable. That he knows Buck's perception of himself is that he's expendable, that Buck thought it'd be better if he was the one who got shot.

So how does that parallel the scene with Bathena? Well, Eddie shows Buck just how much he trusts him with Christopher (aka his heart and soul). They are partners already, but this just takes their partnership even further bc yeah, Eddie had already told Buck that 'there's no one else in this world I trust more with my son than you', but this both reaffirms that and takes it a step further. Because he made it legal that he'd rather Buck take care of his son more than his family. This reaffirms his trust in Buck, their partnership. Just like Athena reaffirmed hers and Bobby's partnership. Just like how she showed Bobby just how much she loved him by walking through literal fire for him, Eddie shows how much he loves and cares for Buck by entrusting Buck with the most precious thing in the world to him aka his son. And just like how Athena telling Bobby that is what he needed to hear, Eddie telling Buck about the will and showcasing the biggest insecurity that Buck was going through at the moment, that he's thinks that he's expendable but he's wrong.

Both Eddie and Athena saw how what happened to them effected their partners and they both have these things to help their partners with it (and themselves).

In conclusion, all of this shows the framing of Buck being the "grieving partner who had to deal with watching the love of their almost die". Because almost all of those Bathena parallels dealt with what Bobby had to deal with witnessing Athena almost die and how the aftereffects which directly paralleled with Buck was currently going through in that episode. And the of end episode (as well as Buck's season arc) getting a reaffirmation from his partner and consolation of how what happened to them effected him. Just how Athena did with Bobby.

Say it with me folks: Choices were made.

Thank you for coming to my Tedtalk.

[syven-siren]

The Other Side

Summary: Your loyalties have always resided on the side of doing what’s right but knowing which side is the right one becomes more complicated than you had originally thought. When the ideals of Karli Morgenthau put your loyalties to the test, you find that the side you’ve been on may not be the right one for you.

Warnings: Some angst / That’s about it / Platonic Relationships Abound / Platonic!Bucky x Reader / Platonic!Sam x Reader / Platonic!Karli x Reader / Oh & John Walker is still an asshole kinda

Requested by Anon: “would u ever do anything karli x f! reader?? i haven’t seen anything for her :( like maybe reader is working with sharon, sam, and buck? yes please! anything w fluff/angst is fine w me!! maybe like an avenger reader where she has powers like wanda? and she’s conflicted about what side she should be on, it can take place during any episode :D...”

Word Count: ~2k

The call is strong today. It’s not the ghostly siren’s song that usually lures you to the other side. Instead, it is a gut-wrenching wail of deep loss; the kind that radiates deep in your chest and seeps into your bones. There is no ignoring it and so you settle into yourself. With each inhale, your body becomes grounded and heavy, anchored in its spot. On the exhale, you relinquish the hold of your physical self. Your mind centers its focus on nothingness. Thoughts rise and fall. All acknowledged but allowed to drift off with no energy given to them.

Eyes closed and breathing even, you wade through the thick fog of the past, present, and future. Blurs of souls and emotions all seep into each other, creating one single stream of consciousness. And your trance remains unbroken, even with time ticking on around you.

Curious eyes scan your form, observing its complete stillness, “She’s off moonwalking again.”

“Buck, c’mon man. I told you when she’s like that, it’s meditation.” Sam lectured, rolling his eyes at the other man’s insistence of referring to your gift in such a childish manner.

“Fine. She’s meditating,” Bucky huffs out, plopping down in front of you.

Their voices are distant, echoing along the darkened tunnel of consciousness. And still, you trudged onward through the bleakness. The end of this plane and the beginning of another is ahead. You can see it, the mirror of reality. It is the final passage into the next.

The reflective surface ripples as the threads of existence flow through it. Its power pulls at you, tugging you forward towards its embrace. And you obey. The tips of fingers feel the chill of the new world first, followed by your palm and then your wrist.

With the slow caution of a timid animal, you step forward, submerging into the iridescent pool. Your breath is stolen by the magnitude of the shift but in an instant, it is over.

Never will you overcome the awe of seeing your physical form sitting next to you. You take a moment to steady your projection. The head-spinning effects of the shift weigh heavy, bringing with them waves of nausea. It is not until they pass that you take notice of the others. Bucky, still seated in front of your true body, converses with Sam. Neither takes notice of your second figure. You feel so much like a ghost in this form, only seen by those whose cry you hear.

Slipping through the front door, you step onto the streets of Riga. The call of sorrow is still there but the strength of it has nearly tripled. It pierces your eardrums and bounces around in your skull. As you grow closer to its source, that feeling of suffering becomes all-consuming.

The guiding noise routes you to a collective of shuttered buildings. Gaggles of children play outside while the adults putter around, sullen and sad. Though each is doused in grief, none are the one you seek. And so you continue on, making your way through the dilapidated shelter.

There is another noise. Softer and more menacing is it. A rattle of chains scrapes along the floorboards and echoes through the hallways. Your body seizes with the cold chill of acknowledgment.

Death is here.

It is the cause of the outcry, the source of agony that permeates through this place. The room you enter is shrouded with heartache and it is here that you find her, lamenting over a sickly woman.

"Karli." Her name is a mere whisper from your lips but her keen hearing picks it up. The red curls haloed around her head bounce as her neck swivels in your direction.

“How did you get in here?” She darts around the bed. Her steps are quick but filled with blazing intensity. You stumble away, retreating until your back is against the wall. Her forearm presses along your throat, pinning you with such force.

“Wait. Wait, please. Don’t. I’m not here to fight. I just want to talk.” Hands up in surrender, you beg for her to listen.

Eyes narrowed, she applies more pressure against your airway, “How did you find me?”

“I could feel your pain. I followed the flow of it to you.” She doesn’t seem to believe you. You don’t blame her for that. Not many understand the nature of your powers. “I’m very sorry for your loss. I can feel your hurt. She was a mother to you.”

“Stop. Stop talking.” Karli’s words are growled out but reflected in her eyes is deep despair. The burden of carrying a movement on her young shoulders has taken its toll. But the pain of losing the beloved woman seems to have strengthened her resolve.

“She and the others are the reason you’re doing this. I can feel your courage and the suffering. It’s how I found you. My power lets me travel along the planes of existence to find those that call out.”

Time seems to move slowly before she finally decides upon her next action. In a display of the raw power she possesses, her grip on you tightens before in an act of mercy, she releases you. “They say I’m a terrorist.”

“And what do you think you are?” You follow behind her as she moves to once again take up a vigil near Donya’s body.

“The lynchpin to change.”

“I’d like to see.” You kneel beside her and when there is no mention for you to get away, you continue on, “To know your reason. If you’ll allow me to be a witness to it. There’s something about you, about your cause that calls out to me. I— I need to know...Please.”

Karli says nothing, only looking at the trembling hand you offer her. It’s silent. The wails have ceased and death has already swept over the room, ferrying the soul away.

There’s a hesitation before her calloused palm is laid on top of your own. The instant rush of memories crashed down upon you. The moments of childhood joy are few and far between. Forced to mature too soon, she found a path of meaning in protecting others. Right or wrong, her choices are made with reverence of others. You drown in flashing images of her young life. The brutality of them flares in your heart, scorching your soul and etching her pain on your entire being.

You reel away from Karli. Clutching at your chest as it becomes harder to breathe. The tethers tying you to the spiritual plane snap. Whiplashed along your previous path, your consciousness is flung back into your physical body. Gasping, your eyes spring open and capture the pensive faces of Bucky and Sam. The deep-seated ache has followed you home, staying with you even as you reorient yourself to reality.

“He was right. I went moonwalking again.”

The uproar is immediate. Both men talking over the other as they reprimand you, “I thought we talked about this. You don’t project without letting us know.”

“I didn’t realize I had to get permission to use my power.”

“It’s not that you need permission but you still don’t have full control. What if you got stuck or hurt?” Sam attempts to reason with you. The concern, though evident, doesn’t stop him from questioning what information you were able to gather. You give him bits and pieces, things that will not give away Karli or her small group of supports. Conflicted by your newfound sense of loyalty to the Flag Smashers leader, you retire to a far-off section of the safe house. No longer concerned with the plans Bucky, Zemo and Sam begin enacting, you return to the solace of your mind and sift through the images of Karli’s memories that are now ingrained in your brain.

——

“I have the will to complete this mission. Do the two of you?”

“She’s just a kid.” Sam counters Zemo’s question. Confliction draws his brows together, painting a more pensive expression on his face.

“You’re seeing something in her that isn’t there. You’re clouded by it. She’s a supremacist.”

“You’re wrong.” The conviction of your words causing the group of men to turn towards you. You glare at Zemo, angry with how he falsely accuses Karli of something you have not seen from her, “She is looking for a way to help people. Maybe it’s you who's too blinded to the suffering of others.”

Zemo scoffs and continues on with his speech on the affliction others will feel if Karli is allowed to exist. Irritation wafts off of him, only adding to your own and creating a vortex of high tension. As Sam and Bucky step in to keep civility, you challenge his ruling on the issue, “How can ignore the suffering she has gone through? Does that mean nothing to you, Zemo?”

“You mock me. Do not forget that I know of pain and loss. She will only bring more of it until she is ultimately consumed by it and leads the rest astray.”

“No, you are wrong!” Storming away, you do not hear his reply nor would you want to. He hasn’t seen what you have. He doesn’t know what Karli is fighting for, who she is fighting for. She shared her pain with you and you will not allow anyone to ignore her suffering.

——

“Sam, you need to let me talk to her. I know you’ve counseled people with trauma but I think it’d be better if I did this.”

“No, (Y/N). If things get out of control, she could hurt you.”

Replaying your conversation over and over again, you pace the small boiler room. It feels suffocating, even more so with the grief that those, gathered to pay respects to Donya, are experiencing. All their sentiments and the seething, misplaced anger of John Walker grate against the reserve of your emotional patience. Your powers strain against the formidable wall of negativity after multiple attempts to placate the turmoil.

You can sense John is at the end of his rope and the assumption is proven correct when he finally decides that he is going in. But he is met with resistance from both you and Bucky, “You need to let Sam do this.” Again, you bathe the room with serenity but it’s not enough. Tensions have boiled past the point of your help.

“He’s had enough time.” John pushes past your blockade, storming off towards Sam’s location. You give chase, attempting to reason with an unreasonable man. The new Captain America brushes you off, “I don’t need your input. Karli Morgenthau, you’re under arrest.”

Karli’s eyes widen as she backs away and accuses Sam of trickery. All hell breaks loose when Walker moves to detain the younger girl. Allies begin fighting amongst themselves and you dart after Karli, losing a trailing Bucky as you weave through hallways and turn corners.

“Karli, stop! We just want to help you.” Your fingers grip her jacket, jerking her back. The two of you tumble down the stairs, becoming a tangled mess of limbs. She fights you the entire way down and even after you’ve both landed in a heap at the bottom.

“Help?! You think that shield-wielding idiot wants to help. He’s just as power-hungry as the rest of the world.” Though she grapples with you, her strikes are not nearly as impactful if she had been fighting a different opponent. Her rage is ferocious, beating against you with all the same force as her punches. And yet hidden behind it all, you sense betrayal.

“No, not him. Sam and Bucky. If you just listen to them, you’ll understand. They don’t want you or anyone else to get hurt. I don’t want you to get hurt. Karli, please let me help you.” You break away from her, preparing yourself for the next onslaught of hits that never come.

“You really want to help? Then come with me. You see it, don’t you?” She advances towards you, extending her hand, “You aren’t like the rest of them. You know what we are fighting for. You can help all these people with your power. Help me make a better future.”

You search her eyes for deception but just as before, you find not an ounce of it. Instead, the images of the past and future revisit you. The hope of brighter days that she firmly wants to see through takes over the very fibers of your being. Whether you take her hand now or not…Whether or not you truly believe in the cause, you know you will always believe in Karli Morgenthau.

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Avengers Masterlist

A/N: The reader’s power involves emotional manipulation and astral projection (Bucky likes to call it moonwalking since ‘astral’ usually refers to stars or something more paranormal)