#and her relationship with anne was somewhat troubled
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puzzlingpaperbacks · 1 year ago
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i will always adore anne brontë because it is absolutely a crime that she's overlooked in favour of her two sisters. i love the three of them but i do wonder what could have been if charlotte hadn't stopped the tenant of wildfell hall being reprinted...
It occurs to me every so often how criminally underrated The Tenant of Wildfell Hall is and then I get mad.
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jqmalikhsgib · 5 months ago
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varietymagazine “fame just got to my head,” styles starts. “it was all my fault. im the reason my family was almost broken.” click the link in our bio to learn more about harry styles life, music, and more!
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Harry Styles: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly! 
When we hear the name Harry Styles, most of us scream our lungs out. The ex One Direction member holds our hearts in his hands without batting an eyelash.
Harry Styles was born in Worcestershire, England February First to Anne Twist and Des Styles making Gemma Styles an older sister. Harry would describe his childhood like any other.
“I was just a normal kid, playing football in my backyard,” he states. “I’d make fun of my sister while she called me a butthead before we’d go and watch something on the telly.”
Styles opens up about being a child from divorce. “My mom and dad had problems. They’d fight here and there and Gem and I would just hold each other in one of our rooms. My parents finally decided enough was enough and separated. I was ten years old, somewhat heartbroken but ultimately relieved.”
When Harry was eleven he met the most loveliest woman he’d ever seen. She’d just moved from America with her dad and five older brothers. The moment Harry saw her, he just knew!
“I couldn’t keep my eyes off of yn. She was breathtaking. I had to get to know her!”
Harry and Yn relationship begins when they were only twelve years old. From that moment they were each others first love. Harry states he’s never felt love like the one he’s had with YN.
Harry opens up about his personal life with his wife and his kids. Including the moment they became teen parents.
“We were young and dumb. The only thing we were thinking about was each other. When she called me crying, telling me she’s pregnant, we were just about to hit fourteen. We’d just started high school and we were scared shitless. I ended up getting a job at the local bakery and our parents helped us as much as they could. When our son was born we never felt so much pride and joy. We created this tiny little human out of love. Nothing has ever made either of us feel more proud.” Styles goes on to say.
Harry then talks about his dream of being a singer. He opens up about how silly he thought it was, but how his mom, sister, and wife talked him into auditioning for the X-factor.
“If it weren’t for my family, I would have never went to that audition! My mom and sister always encouraged me to live my dream. In my head it was a given. ‘Of course they’ll say this, im their son and brother.’ I thought to myself. But YN wasn’t either, I guess it was different when I heard it from her.”
Styles smiles as he discussed how he use to sing their son [Corbin Styles] to sleep. “He’d have this huge smile on his face. Every single time he’d close his eyes, he’d fight his sleep just so he could hear me sing. That’s really when I knew, I gotta audition!”
In that moment, Harry’s life changed forever! He was apart of the biggest boyband in the world, One Direction. Being put into a group with four other boys [Liam Payne, Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan, and Zayn Malik] Harry talks about his relationship with each band member.
“Being put into a group with four different boys was difficult, sure! Of course it was exciting and love there in the beginning. We’re just five boys who had the same dream. But we’re also five boys with five different personalities, five different voices, five different views of the world, five different love stories. We bumped heads a lot, especially towards the end,” Styles states. “I think after four years of constant tour, no breaks, arguments, screaming, and barely seeing our families, we were all kinda done. At this moment I was married to YN, she was pregnant with payton, so I wanted to be there for her and both of our kids more. Louis was about to have his own baby, Liam was dealing with his own battles, Niall had family troubles, and Zayn had left the band. We were all kinda worn out. It was time we ventured out on our own and see where life would take us. In a way, it made our relationship better. Niall, Louis, and Liam are all uncles to my children. Zayn was my best friend in the band, he was named god-dad.”
We asked Harry about his first album, how it came about. “It was simple really! I’ve been writing my own music for a long time. I went to Jamaica with my wife and kids and it was lovely. I put together my own band, figured out which songs I wanted out there, and once it was ready, we set a date and even prepared for tour.” Harry smiles at the memory. Though it never reached his face.
This is when we asked him about his second album. Fine Line had been release two years after his self titled album, Harry Styles. Hearing it makes your heart break.
Harry talks about his relationship with wife. He opens up about his arrogance, ignorance, and his affair[s].
“I’m not gonna sugar coat it, I was a shit husband for a long time,” Harry tells us. “The moment we made it big, I’d get this big head and think, ‘fuck im the shit!’ so many women wanted me and would do anything to have me. I was weak and stupid. They all knew I was married with kids, I never hid that from my fans or obviously the women id sleep with.” Harry takes a deep breath. “YN and I would constantly argue. She’d cry herself to sleep at night when I didn’t come home or back to our hotel room when the boys and I were on tour. I remember when she packed her bag and left me.”
Harry wipes his tears before he continues. “It was around the last few legs of tour. I’d been sorta seeing at least two women regularly. [for privacy reasons harry didn’t mention names] She wrote me a note, stating she couldn’t do this anymore. She told me I either needed to get my shit together or she’d divorce me and get full custody. In this moment I knew, I needed to find myself again. Once tour was over, I flew to Japan, took a few friends, began the process of writing fine line, and went to therapy. I was gonna do everything in my power to get my family back together. from there, YN, me, and the kids would work on our new dynamic. I was slowly getting my family back.” Harry states.
Harry opens up about how a lot of the fans blamed YN during the time they’d been split up.
“I wanna clear this up, YN had nothing to do with our split. A lot of people assumed she’d been the one cheating or using me. She was always faithful and couldn’t care less if I had millions or pennies. She loved me for me. Fame just got to my head,” Styles starts. “It was my fault. I’m the reason my family was almost broken.”
YN has been known to be vocal to people who constantly hate on her. Harry opens up about the relationship she has with his fanbase.
“I think if you can’t respect your favorite artist relationship, you’re not a real fan. Truth is, YN is my wife. I almost lost her years ago, I’m not gonna lose her over something so petty. She’s the mother of my children and my wife. People should respect that!” Styles states. He continues to talk about her social media comments and post.
“She can do whatever she wants! I don’t control her, nor does my team! YN has always been very open when it comes to our marriage. She’s not gonna sensor herself simply because others can’t get the hint. That’s one of the many things I love about her!” Styles finished.
During our interview, Harry opens up about his next album before he leaves.
“The next albums gonna be filled with more love than anything. I think this one will be filled with dancing, smiles, and laughter. I’m really excited to share it with the world.” Harry states before he politely shakes our hands and walks over to his family.
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qiangweirosa · 6 months ago
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Could we please get some headcanons about the Ann, Makoto, Futaba, and Haru meeting s/o's super nice and welcoming mother and father for the first time? Like they make the girls a delicious home cooked meal, treat her like their own daughter and are super supportive of the twos relationship? Because these poor girls need some positive family interactions.
Ann + Makoto + Futaba + Haru meeting Reader's parents! (separate)
relationships: ann/reader, makoto/reader, futaba/reader, haru/reader, + the girls & reader's parents tws: none! wc: 641 extra: i am so. so sorry for how long this has taken me to write. i hope it'll be to your liking and thank you for the request!
Ann : 
Ann obviously knows that her relationship with her partner is serious, but when they tell her that their parents wish to meet her, she freaks out.
She has no idea what she’s supposed to do! She calls Shiho and begs her for advice, not wanting to ruin her first impression.
She also asks her partner an endless amount of questions about their parents, what they’re like, what they want their child’s potential partner to be like, and more.
When she does meet them she’s a little reserved at first, trying to be polite and make a good impression, but soon enough she turns back to her usual self the moment their parents start trying to converse with her.
She gets along with them so well. She’s always willing to eat their parents’ food and compliments it so much that she ends up going home with the leftovers. Overall she’s good company and their parents love talking with Ann as much as she does.
It won’t be unusual to see Ann spend time with her partner’s parents on her own, or randomly visit. After all, she’s always welcome.
Makoto : 
Makoto wants everything to be perfect.
When her partner’s parents first invite her over, she does an endless amount of research on the proper etiquette and how to behave and how she should look and even more.
When the day comes, she’s very stiff. Her partner can obviously tell something isn’t right – and they talk to her for a while to reassure her. 
It does somewhat work, and she’s slightly less stressed as she greets their parents.
Chances are their parents can also tell Makoto is stressed, and so they keep telling her to just relax, and that this isn’t a serious setting – she can just be herself.
Makoto isn’t used to being so pampered, and she’s pretty flustered over it. Still, she likes it! And having a happy family environment really isn’t so bad.
Futaba : 
Futaba already doesn’t like meeting new people, but meeting her partner’s parents?! That’s a terrifying situation!!
She has half a mind to cancel but no!! This is important to both of them, and besides, her partner will be there if anything goes wrong.
Her partner has probably already told their parents about how Futaba is, asking them to be patient with her. So when she first greets them, they don’t make any comment on her anxiety or the way she hides behind her partner.
They treat her so nicely, Futaba feels like she could cry. They’re sweet and let her take her time if she has trouble finding the courage to speak.
She can definitely see where her partner gets all of their care from.
Futaba gradually grows more comfortable around their parents and she enjoys getting to learn more about her partner’s upbringing (especially the embarrassing parts, to their misfortune).
Haru : 
Haru has experience meeting a partner’s family, if you could even call it that, having been engaged before.
But for some reason, she still feels nervous leading up to it.
Her current partner is someone she cares deeply for, and she wants to make a good impression! Despite how many times they reassure her, she can’t help but worry about their parents’ opinion on her.
Her worries immediately dissipate the moment she actually meets them. They do everything in their power to make her comfortable, and treat her like they had known her for years.
Haru feels… happy. Relaxed. She soon gets into joyful conversations with them (most of them about their partner, actually), and she seems at ease.
Haru soon grows to be pretty close with their parents. She visits them often and they have a lot to bond over (especially if the parents enjoy cooking too!). Overall, she’s glad to be part of the family, and especially to not be alone anymore.
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total-drama-brainrot · 5 months ago
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*looks at u w/ my chocolate orbs* opinions on mikesys
Not sure if you're talking about Mike and his alters, or Mickey from RR, but I'll assume it's the former.
I like Mike! I like the concept of his character - that being a "normal guy" who just so happens to have DID (or, given the show's airing period, I suppose he'd call it Multiple Personality Disorder). I'm... not so much a fan of the execution, but it's somewhat understandable that he's a little unrealistic as DID representation given the social standards of the time. If anything, the fact that he wasn't made into an antagonist is revolutionary! (Until, you know, All-stars ruined it.)
Mike as a character is fun. He's just a guy in a world, and nine times out of ten he's so done with whatever bullshit situation he's found himself in - it indicates that Mike's accustomed to finding himself in less than stellar situation thanks to his alters, which tracks given that most of them are definately predisposed to finding trouble. The number of times he's re-fronted in the show itself just to find himself in an awkward or otherwise distasteful situation thanks to whoever was fronting previously attests to this.
When it comes to my opinions on Mike himself, I found him a little too entrenched in the "everyman" personality to really care much for him. His character flaws are fairly generic and reasonable, which is to be expected from the "normal guy" archetype, yet his character strengths don't really have a chance to shine through as Mike.
The Zoke plotline was sweet, if a little painful to watch, but the main personality draw for the ship was Zoey (ironically enough). His alters are by far the most interesting aspect about him despite each only having a fraction of the screentime Mike himself gets, and Mike's own motivations are fairly unclear.
To clarify; Svetlana's motivated by being the best gymnast in the vicinity and showing off her acrobatic prowess, Manitoba's motivated by being the best conservationist/archeologist around (since he's, in all likelyhood, a culmination of an Indiana Jones fictive and Steve Irwin), Chester's motivated by Old Man Spite. Ect ect. Whereas Mike himself is just find of there? He's in the competition because... well, he had nothing better to do, and the prospect of a million dollars is too good to pass up, I guess.
Outside of his will-they-won't-they with Zoey, he forges a friendship with Cameron (though Mike and Cameron's rapport isn't really expanded on outside of Cameron trying his best to cover for Mike's DID) and, in his final episode, a sort-of rivalry with Scott, but otherwise he's fairly self contained in his system.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, more screen time outside of the Zoke plotline would've saved him.
Now, as far as his alters go, I have a pretty distinctive ranking for them:
Chester - He's relatable. I'm personally a big fan of grouchy old man characters when they're played for comedic effect, and Chester's consistantly funny in his brief appearences.
Svetlana - Do I need to clarify? She's Svetlana. She would be my #1 if I wasn't so biased towards Chester.
Vito - He's a fun character to watch, and technically he didn't do anything wrong despite the show itself trying to paint Vito and Anne Maria's relationship(?) as a bad thing, but he loses point for being Italian (/j).
Manitoba Smith - He's alright. Not as entertaining as the other personalities, and he loses even more points for the blatant sexism.
I haven't watched All-stars so I can't in good faith rank Mal.
... I wish Total Drama was good. Mike and his system could've been great.
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sharpsuite · 7 months ago
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Ann has had a couple of relationships in her past, but they didn't often last for very long. Most of her early years as a crime scene investigator meant having to be on call 24/7 (usually) in weekly or biweekly schedules. So while the hours might officially be one time, she MUST be immediately available if called upon during those times. It was demanding in a way her partners weren't read for, along with the inherent grim nature of her work. Ultimately, Ann always puts her work first and foremost before her personal attachments to others. Some of it was also herself; she can get focused on a case and had trouble separating work and her personal life. ( Of which, there was very little considering she had no friends. ) Ann eventually dismissed the idea of romantic relationships being for her and focused solely on her career.
When she became a forensic scientist several years later and only a couple years prior to the events in canon, her working hours stabilized other than the occasional case here or there. Still, Ann hasn't made any effort to pursue romantic relationships or even simple friendships, although she has some work connections. For her, her work is her entire life. It's what she has and what she does, often choosing to work overtime now and then. It isn't that Ann is OPPOSED to romantic relationships, but her work would be a deterrent to many.
Unsurprisingly, this focus on work over personal relationships stays the same even when she ended up in The Borderlands. The imminent threat of death does not have her rushing to seek out connections with people. She often focuses on autopsies on the corpses or otherwise overseeing operations within The Beach. She's not one to party or look for romance - she's focused and seen somewhat as an ice queen, although she IS popular when she plays a game due to nearly all in her teams surviving the games they participate in. On occasion she might be seen relaxing with a glass of wine, but she keeps a comfortable distance from most people. However she does care, especially for the other executives which leaves space open for during that time or in post-canon. This does, however, exclude the militants, of whom she has distaste for.
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privilege-rpg · 2 months ago
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BONNIE KING
☆ FULL NAME: Bonnie Reagan King ☆ GENDER: Ciswoman ☆ PRONOUNS: She/Her ☆ AGE: 25 (February 16th, 1999) ☆ TYPE: Full sibling; solo (open to twin) ☆ HOMETOWN: Los Angeles, California ☆ JOB: Studio Hand/Teacher at Cracked Glaze Ceramics Studio ☆ SCHOOL: Art History Doctorate student ☆ SEXUALITY: Queer ☆ FACECLAIM: China Anne McClain
ABOUT BONNIE
Bonnie Reagan King was born Bonnie Bernadette Brown, and if asked, that’s when she says her life went to shit. Being the middle child of the Browns was anything but a walk in the park. Bonnie was held to what felt like a higher standard than her siblings, or at least she was the one who always seemed to be in the wrong, no matter what she tried.
For years, Bonnie just played into what her parents wanted. She was quiet, well behaved, but as the differences in how she was treated became more obvious, Bonnie started to resent and rebel. If she was going to be punished for the little things, she might as well go big with it. Much to her parents dismay. Their perfect family image was hard to maintain with a child in full on rebellion. Even still, they did what they could to force her down and keep her in line.
Bonnie was a bit of a jack of all trades growing up. Took to anything put in front of her with ease, but she never stuck with anything too long, except when she was forced to. She had her true interests that she kept close to her chest, not wanting to be pushed further in them and growing to hate them.
Her parents forced her, specifically, into acting from a young age. It was the one thing they consistently wanted her doing, because they wanted her to make a name for herself. The problem being, the name Bonnie made for herself resulted in her rebellion making the news more times than it really should have, especially in her teens. Including a, now buried, incident with arson. It caused enough trouble that she was, somewhat unceremoniously, removed from the spotlight by her parents in her early teens.
While her rebellion meant a number of questionable run ins with the law and trouble in school, Bonnie was still academically succeeding, because she knew she’d need college to get out and away from her parents. She also did various odd jobs and stashed any money she could away, applied for scholarships and basically took every opportunity to guarantee she’d make it out of California and away from her parents and family name as soon as she was old enough and free to.
Within a year of graduation, Bonnie had moved to NYC, gone no contact with her family, and changed her name. She’d also changed from a ceramics major to an art history major with minors in anthropology and ceramics. The reason for this was because of the first professor she really cliqued with, who she felt understood her and saw her for more than her family. She was the head of the art history department and encouraged her to actually follow her passions. Which, as much as she liked ceramics and pottery, all the years of doing it in secret to avoid being pushed to do it more taught her she didn’t want to do it for a living. But history? It had always interested her and art history captivated her in ways traditional history did not.
In her undergrad, Bonnie had a long term boyfriend that, on the best of days, she swore she was going to marry. He was the kind of person who made her feel at home and loved in ways nothing, and no one, had ever made her feel before. Unfortunately for Bonnie, where she was planning a future, her boyfriend was planning his escape. One day, near the end of her senior year, her boyfriend suddenly up and left their shared apartment while she was in class. He left just enough money to cover his portion of their remaining rent and a brief letter detailing why he was leaving. Then he was gone into the wind. His reasons for leaving boiled down to being scared of commitment and how serious their relationship had become. The breakup devastated Bonnie and she chose her wild card school for her master's degree, a university in Greece.
After receiving a master’s, and tired of her parents' continued pestering, despite doing her best to not be in contact with them, Bonnie decided to play a little game. She proposed that her parents pay for her to get her doctorate and she’d reconsider her place in the family. It was noncommittal on her part, but it would get her doctorate paid for and she could easily leave after, since she only agreed to reconsider things, not actually do it. Though, she did set aside funds to cover her tuition at PSU if needed.
In college is when Bonnie fully came into herself, shedding the parts of herself she’d used as protection from her family and their name. She’s highly expressive, unafraid to look like someone took the question “gay or artist” and stamped a large red “YES” on it. But she also takes pride in dressing to impress, something she always resented as a child and teen. Though, just about everything she owns has trace elements of clay, because while art history is where her future lies, her love of ceramics and pottery holds her heart and tends to dominate her free time.
FAMILY BACKGROUND
The Brown family have numerous accolades to their name. Rashawn being a well known actor turned director and Tonya, a model turned business owner. Rashawn’s father was also an actor before him and Tonya’s parents well respected professors. With a family name worthy of Hollywood royalty, the Brown children were upheld to the highest standards. They were to make the family proud and that meant that Rashawn and Tonya were often extremely strict and hypercritical, and controlling, of what their children did, or didn't, do.
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gatheringbones · 1 year ago
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["The Faggot as Animus
The man of my dreams is a faggot. This comes as an uneasy confession, for what am I if not a by-product of the lesbian days of rage? (Apologies to the Weather Underground, who brought us the original Days of Rage. For those interested in trivia, the Weather Underground were known as the Weathermen—proving once again that sexism and revolution are not necessarily mutually exclusive— until the women in their ranks, more than a few of them were lesbians, suggested a name change.)
The lesbian days of rage, on the other hand, were brought to us by the Lesbian Police, who got to make the rules. I don't know why. They called it politics, which sounded considerably better than rules, when you think about it. Of course, the Lesbian Police never liked me as much as I liked them, but then I've always been a sucker for butches in uniform. Fortunately, the uniforms have changed somewhat over the years. Leather is more popular now than plaid flannel, but the Lesbian Police aren't, which proves nothing except that lesbians will tolerate a lot except being told how to fuck— one of the things the Lesbian Police did best. I've always been better at fucking than at politics, which is a lot about remembering rules and only sometimes about fucking. For one thing, you don't have to please as many people, which I've never been very good at. For another, no one expects fucking to change the world. Fucking is one of the few things I do very well (even my ex-lovers who give me credit for nothing else credit me with that). I am not nearly so accomplished at the day-to-day duties of relationships, or politics, which is what got me in trouble with the Lesbian Police in the first place. But I digress.
Fucking doesn't actually have much to do with the man of my dreams (I don't even dream of fucking women in my dreams, at least not often), but it has a great deal to do with how I discovered the faggot as animus. If it hadn't been for fucking, I likely wouldn't have fallen in love with the wrong woman and ended up following her to California, which is a very good place for psychoanalysis, fucking, and faggots. I suppose I should apologize for using the word faggot, but I won't. Besides, gay seems to flabby and out of date in the face of an epidemic that's already taken some of the best and brightest and most beautiful, and threatens to wipe the rest of us from the face of the earth as well— nothing to be very gay about there. (I personally have not felt very gay since the summer of 1983, when I had the great good sense to run away from Chicago winters into the arms of a woman whose exit line was that while the sex was great—back to fucking again— I was embarrassingly lacking in too many other areas to name; it took her six long years to discover them all. Remarkably, she even missed a few).
She left just as I was pitching over the edge into a full-blown nervous breakdown, which had less to do with her than she likes to imagine and more than I like to admit. Of course, it was a while before I figured out I was probably nuts. (I'm a writer; depression is our disease of choice. I don't know why. Maybe Anne Sexton or Sylvia Plath or Ernest Hemmingway, all of whom are dead from it, knows why by now. William Styron and Kurt Vonnegut, who certainly are not dead, don't seem to know why either— and if they do, they're not saying. I am also the offspring of people so truly nuts that anything short of stark raving mad is considered sane.)
My psychiatrist, a card-carrying Jungian, was supposed to be interested in dreams, and mine have always been, as my best friend calls them, humdingers. (She's from the Midwest, and still says things like humdinger.) Of course, what I didn't know at the time was that the doctor wasn't in much better shape than her patient, good old me. (I just thought she was distracted), which proves that sanity is nothing if not tenuous. But I faithfully reported to the shrink how, not long after I crossed the California state line with my best friend, an ancient and very angry cat, and a smuggled house plant that I'd kept alive for five years and which promptly died two months later, I started dreaming about shit, dungeons, and catacombs. (In retrospect, this says quite a lot about the condition of my last serious relationship, and why I'm not anxious for another.)
Not long after I decided I was crazy but before I knew my psychiatrist was, the faggots started showing up in my dreams. Young. Old. Alone. In pairs. Sometimes small groups. But none wore a face I recognized or a name I knew. They showed me their rooms, fading but still nearly grand in the way old hotels, which I have always loved, are fading but not yet faded. They warned me away from paths and staircases and doors that I knew (knew!) led to the dungeons and shit and catacombs. Their message was always the same: You don't want to go through that door. When I didn't listen, it was back down to the shit, the dungeons, and the catacombs. Given that choice, I started listening. Who wouldn't? I didn't know they were the animus (I wouldn't learn about that until sometime later). And at the time, I was still concentrating on the standardized litmus of sanity: What day of the week is it, and who is the president of the United States? (Unfortunately, I've always been bad about days. On the other hand, I've always known who the president is; I wish I didn't, but I do.) This was in 1989, which was a fairly eventful year: my first book was published, and the San Andreas Fault took a step west and taught San Francisco to shimmy. Ironically, no small number of otherwise sane people who live in this quake-racked region took personal responsibility, which seemed then— and does still—absolutely crazy to me. But maybe they grew up in a world where fissures are unknown, a world safer than any I've ever known.
The landscape of my childhood is cracked with dangerous fissures, some as deep as hell itself. One runs the length of the wood lot behind what used to be my grandfather's barn. Slightly less than a foot wide and deeper than anyone has ever been able to gauge, the crack stinks with sulfuric gases hanging on the thick early-evening air in summer. The stench of the fires of hell, my grandfather would declare whenever he was bored and had decided any one or all of his many grandchildren as an afternoon's amusement. My grandfather hated children almost as much as he enjoyed terrifying them, and with any small amount of prodding would gladly turn back his thick gray sock and show us the brown mark on the outside of his left ankle. My grandmother declared it a common birthmark, but my grandfather insisted it was the devil's own thumbprint, left when he, as a boy, came too close to that fissure, which led straight to Satan's staircase. Grandpa's escapes from the devil's clutches changed each time he told the story— although not one of us had the courage to remind him of that— but always revolved around a trick far too clever to have ever been conjured by any ordinary child, especially the dullards he was cursed with as progeny. Too bad the old man was a liar. Too bad I didn't listen more closely; there have been times when I could have used one or two of those tricks.
My friend the Oracle, who is not a lesbian and definitely not crazy, has made no small reputation for herself in Jungian circles for, among other things, deciphering the myth of the importance of the Sumerian goddess Inanna, who tried to lay claim to hell. I know a great deal about hell, having spent much of 1989 and 1990 there myself. You lose a lot in hell, at least a lot of everything that matters. Inanna went there for greed; my own reasons are less clear. But we both got out with the help of best friends and magical faggots, which doesn't say much for lovers, who don't really give a good damn once you're there; at least Inanna's didn't or mine either. Inanna, by the way, banished her ex into a sort of netherworld exchange program; I can only wish mine there. But I digress.
The Oracle taught me about faggot as animus. For the uninitiated, the animus is the positive force of maleness from forward-thrusting energy, which gets women out into the world. (At least I think that's what the Oracle said.) Some Jungians think this energy comes from the mother, which makes us not the women our mothers warned us about so much as the women they desperately wanted to be. My mother, a woman with the sentimental soul of a pastel artist, who has spent her life trapped in a small and savage world, would probably like to have been almost anything but what she is. So desperate to escape, my mother often floats away to another— I like to think better— world of her own creation. The psychiatrists call it dissociation; I like floating better. It's what she does very well."]
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Nina Donnelly, from the faggot as animus, from Sister & Brother: Lesbians and Gay Men Write About Their Lives Together, 1994
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chocolatepot · 2 years ago
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Completed chaptered fic:
If You Don't Love Me Now: Sometimes things have to get worse before they can get better. Ed goes back to playing Blackbeard before he finally comes face-to-face with Stede again. (9k, 3 chapters, rated T)
Prisons Of Our Own Perceptions: A hurt/comfort epic. Instead of being saved by Ed from the Spanish, the Revenge was captured by a crueler captain, and the crew scattered. (60k, 18 chapters, rated M)
Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea: AU in which Stede makes it to the docks and Ed doesn't. (16k, 7 chapters, rated T)
Works in progress:
I Saw You And Sealed My Fate: Stede's become resigned to living a quiet life under his parents' thumbs when they introduce him to Benjamin Hornigold and slowly slide him into an engagement. Ed, meanwhile, chafes in his position in Hornigold's massive corporation and is in fact planning a way out. The two of them meet at the engagement dinner and immediately hit it off … (6.5k, 2/5 chapters, rated T)
Dirty Rotten Pirates: Ed is the most successful con artist of the twenty-first century. Stede is a nobody with a penny-ante grift. When they meet, everything changes. (3k, 1/? chapters, rated T)
Series:
Sweet Damsels: Genderbend fics with lesbian Blackbonnet, mostly not in continuity, ranging from sweet to smutty.
A Kiss on the Hand: A series of fics based on a prompt list of different types of hand kisses.
Twelvetide Drabbles 2022: Drabbles, drabble multiples, and ficlets written for a fest. Multiple ships and characters!
My one important meta: Stede's presentation and historical standards of masculinity in clothing
One-shots:
Canon compliant one-shots:
The To-Read Stack: Domestic fluff, post-reunion, Stede finds some books missed in the purge.
First Night Home: Stede returns to his ship.
Beside the One You Have Waited For: A missing moment when Ed and Stede are up in the maintop that first night.
What Dreams May Come: Stede has a steamy dream about two Eds on his way back to the Revenge. (Not explicit.)
Sugar Baby: How Lucius got hired by Stede, somewhat by accident.
More Nicer: A missing moment - Stede's conversation with Doug in the kitchen in ep 10.
Waitin' For My Dearie: An exploration of what it's like to be queer and autistic when you don't really realize that's what's going on with you. (Has a happy ending.)
Parched: After Stede leaves home in the middle of the night, Mary grows and changes.
I See A New Horizon: Stede and Ed escape the Academy, and begin to navigate the new changes to their relationship.
Interesting Accounts: Wellington's interrogation on the subject of Stede Bonnet.
An Officer and a Gentleman, or, All Kinds of Situations: Samuel Hornberry hopes that by writing some of his fantasies out, he can escape them.
Momentum: An angsty reunion, illustrated by @feriowind.
there'll be peace of mind: Reunion where Ed and the crew rescue Stede and nurse him back to health.
Proud of You: Ed realizes Stede has a praise kink, and he enjoys playing into it. (Rated E)
no sign of land: Ed/Izzy, the latter topping from the bottom.
Watching Over Olu: Olu is ill, and Jim watches over him.
Rescue Me: Stede is captured.
Take Me In Your Arms: (Sequel to the previous.) Stede's been rescued, and now Ed's in trouble.
Those Savage Beats: Things have gotten stale since Anne and Mary left the seas. Anne takes matters into her own hands. Or rather, teeth.
Fresh Towels: Ed and Stede have retired to run the inn of Ed's dreams. Ed is still nervous about customer service, and Stede does what he can to help.
Alternate universe one-shots:
Going Nautical: A Going Postal AU.
What Else Could I Do (Again): An AU where Stede did stop the Revenge's construction, but still goes to sea.
Making An Entrance: Role reversal AU about the famed Gentleman Pirate and newcomer Edward Teach.
A Perfectly Diabolical Angel: A Good Omens AU.
It Might Be All That You Get: A Ted Lasso AU.
Be Careful, It's My Heart: AU in which Stede gets back to the Revenge when Ed is still in his depression-robe era.
An Offer of Matrimony: A Regency AU where Ed is a rake and Stede is a wallflower, and they have a marriage of convenience.
In the Conjugal Sense: Sequel to the previous - the wedding night!
Drinking Out of the Same Bottle: A Prohibition-era speakeasy AU.
Fiftieth Ficlets (A Miscellany): Five ficlets, written to celebrate a milestone.
Bird of Paradise: A soulmate is a complicated thing. (Stede/Lucius and Stede/Ed.)
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anistarrose · 3 years ago
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Anne had so much control over her powers in this episode. She didn’t find herself glowing blue in a rush of adrenaline at the last moment, to defeat the baddie mere seconds before disaster would’ve struck — no, she gave a goddamn dramatic speech to Mr. X, and activated her power with what felt like deliberate intent, fully aware of what she was doing and how she was timing it. She channeled her power into the portal, purposefully and successfully, and even had enough control to perfectly slice an avocado!
She was in a hostile environment, as always, but this time, no one she loved was in immediate need of saving — no one was falling from the sky, or about to be slain by a killer robot. She didn’t awaken her powers in a moment of distress, for once — she did it in a moment of confidence. 
And she only attained this confidence after hearing her parents’ confidence in her. You can tell they’re such an important anchor to her, how troubled she was in prior episodes when they didn’t believe in her and how desperate she was to prove herself, and now... they’ve seen Amphibia, they understand what conditions she survived for months, and of course they’ve seen how different she’s been these past few weeks. 
They believe in her unconditionally, now, and hearing that belief voiced has never been more important to Anne. Any uncertainty from their argument in Anne-sterminator, any shame that may have persisted even after they reached common ground (and I’m inclined to believe that moment in the junkyard did leave an effect on Anne, even if she didn’t show it outwardly until now), and any weight their expectations Anne fears she can’t meet has been lifted off her shoulders. 
There’s still so much more on Anne’s shoulders than a 15 13-year-old should ever have to bear, but she understands the hardships her parents have faced, how strong they are, and she trusts their words when they say that she’s strong, she’s capable, she’ll be able to save her friends. She understands her parents better than ever now, and the same is true of them understanding her. 
Using her powers usually makes Anne feel bad. And it seemed to tire her out somewhat this time, too — but I am so, so curious if she felt any different, any better, now that she’s rounded this corner in her relationship with her parents. Because there’s still so much up in the air about the shrouded, perhaps sinister nature of the Calamity Gems — but at least on an emotional level, I imagine even this one instance of Anne being able to associate her powers with confidence, not panic, could do wonders for her mental state and level of control going forward.
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deepfriedseagullfeet · 2 years ago
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my henrik! lore under the cut: 
early-mid 40’s, cis male/very closeted trans woman (he him/she her), bisexual, 6’2”
henrik is literally the CLOSEST thing to canon my egos are gonna get. like, henrik is still a “”DOCTOR”” and DEFINITELY still has his medical license to perform surgeries. definitely.
and as for personality, well, theyre very similar. like ok. i see stuffy, serious henriks in fics all the time, and i for real think yall are forgetting canon henrik. he’s Passionate, hes Loud, he yells and he’s a lil narcissistic at times but hes loveable and cares very much for jack and his friends. and thats really who my henrik is personality-wise.
hes got some sass and snark to him, hes very smart and analytical, he lets his passion for his work and his hobbies roam free. now, could this boisterous personality be hiding his true fears, his gender dysphoria, his need for love and validation? possibly but shhh
henrik is another ego with a backstory! its somewhat simple early on, he was a single kid with strict parents, growing up in rural germany. he was very smart and school was a joke, he made friends and got both the ladies and the fellas when he went to college for his doctorate. but, he never finished his degree because he flunked out, partially out of laziness and his idea that he was smart enough to be a surgeon without a license, the fact that he WAS doing surgeries illegally for people who didnt want to go to “real” doctors because they were also doing illegal stuff (yes my henrik is involved in crime but thats neither here nor there), and also because he was distracted by meeting his Wife.
he gets married to anne, a dentist he fell head over heels in love with, and had three children with-two twin girls and a son. he went to jail a few times for petty crimes and eventually being found performing surgeries without a license, but he had good lawyers and didnt serve long. his life before the egos was strange and filled with crime and love and family, all kinds of wacky shenanigans. hes an interesting person.
but, his son tragically passed in a car accident, which happened before he was brought to life, so to speak. he was still grieving the loss of his son and the divorce that followed, so he was kinda quiet when he was born.
so thats in general who this guy is. but with the plot, the reason henrik was created was because of jackie. when jackie was born, jack wasnt getting him help or the medications he needed because of his schizophrenia. as such, he was very sick and mentally unstable, and jack needed someone smart who could get him that help without having the doctors ask about “histories” birth certificates, etcedera.
henrik actually never knew he was created for jackie, but still, he got him the help he needed, often caring for jackie on his bad days, secretly hoping for jackie to love him back. but henrik…never felt that jackie did. in fact, theres a lot to henrik and jackie’s relationship. and as the plot moves along, henrik grows distasteful and angry towards jackie. when he starts ‘favoring’ chase over him, he gets jealous. when jackies schizophrenia leaves him bedridden, henrik is left alone and grows bitter towards jackie and his illness as jack is, not very nice to henrik when jackie isnt around (but again, thats a conversation for another day). and theres something that snaps inside him, when he finds out jackie is trans, and is out, happy, transitioned, validated, and henrik…henrik is not. and its immature and childish, but henrik HATES jackie for it.
but with his relationships with the other egos, they were pretty good. he and marvin became best friends, he adores chase, and of course, he falls for jameson hard. with the egos, hes like the mama that scolds everyone if they forget to eat, patching up scrapes and bruises and making sure they all stay out of trouble, despite the things that henrik himself does for a living. hes like the counterpart to jackie, being the second parent of the household when jack is taken.
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discet · 2 years ago
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So we know in chapter 21 Anne had no idea how bad Marcy's parents were, but did Sasha know what Marcy's parents were like or is she in the dark about it as much as Anne (imagining they didn't hang out much at Marcy's place, not even for sleepovers)? And how much does Marcy know about Sasha's own messed up home life? Also, was Marcy closer to Anne's parents than her own here (inspired by those popular headcanons), especially Anne's dad with their shared interest in video games?
Characterization Spoilers and Spoilers for coming Season 2.
Did Sasha know about Marcy's Parents?
For the reasons you listed Sasha had suspicions but no confirmation. She believed that if it was bad enough, Marcy would/would have told them. Otherwise she would let Marcy keep her privacy. Cause that's what Sasha wants others to do when it comes to her own home life.
How much does Marcy know about Sasha's situation?
Both Marcy and Anne are aware that things weren't great at the Waybright home from an event in 3rd grade that will be covered. Neither of them knows exactly what happened during the divorce between 5th and 6th grade
Was Marcy closer with Anne's parents than her own?
Yes, I briefly touched upon that waaaaay back in chapter 4
“Have you done any farm work before?” Hop Pop asked as they crested over the hill overlooking most of the Plantar’s crops. 
“No,” Marcy admitted, “I lived in the city all my life, but I did help Mr. Boonchuy with his garden a few times.”
“Mr. Boon-Chuy?” Hop Pop asked, trying to sound out the name.
“Oh, I told you about Anne, right?”
“The one who you think’s in the valley?”
Marcy nodded, “Well, her last name is Boonchuy. I used to help her dad with the gardening at their house, though it's been a couple of years.” she admitted
“You couldn’t do that at your own house?” Hop Pop asked curiously. 
“No. There… wasn’t enough space,” she said with a shrug, looking away. 
Hop Pop paused, something wasn’t quite right there, but that wasn’t his business to press. 
Which was also very subtle foreshadowing at her relationship with her parents. Cause you can look at the flashback True Colors, there's plenty of room for a garden.
Back to your question though, Marcy was closer with them for most of grade school, she was very much in a holding pattern she was with the Plantars in S1A. Where she was very nice and polite whenever she was at their house and they treated her with a normal amount of kindness and attention. Which Marcy soaked like a sponge, but was very careful not to cross a line she had drawn for herself.
This somewhat soured after 6th grade when Sasha started dragging Anne into more and more trouble with Marcy passively supporting her doing so. A couple of times when they weren't quite as happy to see Marcy and she probably took it to heart more than she should have? Thinking she had screwed up.
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blackdiamondwrites127 · 3 years ago
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Lost Stars in the Night
Hi guys! So this epilogue took longer than I planned. First was that I accidentally deleted my progress and had to start all over again so that was annoying. Next was my work started to become a bit hectic thus losing my free time to write. And lastly, my grandfather died last week. The funeral was yesterday and oddly enough, after the funeral, something pushed me to really finish this epilogue. So here it is. The last piece to my most recent writing project. Thank you again for reading this! I truly appreciate each and every feedback given.
The following characters belong to:
Isabella I of Castile, Ferdinand II of Aragon, and Juan Trastámara: @weirdbutdecentart
Isabella Trastámara: @lexartsstuff
Marion Trastámara and Elizabeth 'Liz' Seymour: @vanessaseymour
Juana 'la loca' de Castile: @ellielovesdrawing
Maria Trastámara, Maria of Jülich-Berg, and Sibylle of Cleves: Yours truly
.
Characters (Description and characters change with each chapter): 
Catalina Trastámara - Age twenty nine years old. She's the captain of the expedition team six whose goal is to scout areas to see if they are suitable for expansion. Her years-long goal has been to locate her father's main office to find answers about the vaccine he had given her when she was just a toddler. She wanted to find the formula so they can replicate it and distribute it to the survivors. She's currently in a relationship with Jane Seymour and has three children from a previous relationship.
Anne Boleyn - Age twenty seven years old. Her family came to Campamento Zaragoza when she was ten and has stayed there since. She's the vice captain of the exhibition team six though she often takes charge alongside Catalina rather than taking charge when Catalina is absent. The two had a rocky start given that Anne was the woman Catalina's ex cheated on her with but the two eventually became close friends. Often bonding over their useless ex. She's currently in a relationship with Catherine Parr and has a daughter from a previously mentioned ex.
Jane Seymour - Age twenty six years old. She's a member of the expedition team six. She's mostly the voice of reason of the group and somewhat of a mother hen. Always fussing over her teammates to make sure they're okay. She and her older sister, Liz, have been living in Campamento Zaragoza since most of her life. She's currently in a relationship with Catalina Trastámara and has one son from the same ex Catalina and Anne shared.
Anna La Marck - Age twenty six years old. She's a member of the expedition team six. Often referred to as the 'muscle' of the group, she's usually the one taking action first when it comes to conflicts the team encounters. She was born in the early months of Campamento Zaragoza's life span and has lived there since then. She's currently in a relationship with Katherine Howard, having been best friends for years as they grew up together. 
Katherine Howard - Age twenty five years old. She's a member of the expedition team six. She's the youngest member of the team and is their go to mechanic when they have vehicular troubles. Just like Anna, she was born in Campamento Zaragoza and she's currently in a relationship with Anna La Marck, having been best friends for years as they grew up together.
Catherine Parr - Age twenty seven years old. She's a member of the expedition team six. Considered as the informant of the group. She's usually the one going head first into research when they need information on something. She has one daughter from a previous relationship and i's currently in a relationship with Anne Boleyn.
Isabella Trastámara - Age forty four years old. She is the acting head of the camp alongside her wife. She took up a leadership position after her mother and she's been running the camp ever since. She followed in her mother's plan of land expansion and was quite successful over the years with the camp expanding as far as Girona and they added fishing to their agriculture sector. She and her wife, Liz, adopted a baby boy when his mother died giving birth to him.
Elizabeth ‘Liz’ Seymour - Age forty four years old. She is the acting head of the camp alongside her wife. She retired from her captain position after many years but she still represents the expedition and patrol sector as its head. She and her wife, Bella, adopted a baby boy when his mother died giving birth to him.
Juan Trastámara - Age thirty six years old. Married to Margaret Habsburg and they have a little three year old girl they named Isabela after his departed grandmother. He's working in the armory division designing and creating wearable protection that the border patrollers and security division wear.
Juana Trastámara - Age thirty five years old. She was married to Margaret's older brother, Philip, who abused her for years until he was killed in battle. Their marriage resulted in six children that she fiercely protects with her life. She's currently in a relationship with a woman named Harley Harmony. She's a member of the security team and often patrols the streets with her team.
Maria Trastámara - Age thirty two years old. She's currently in a relationship with their long time partner, Gabriel Cursae. Her knack for mathematics got her the position of head of the inventory division and is responsible for keeping track of the camp's main inventory numbers.
Marion Trastámara - Age thirty two years old. He's currently in a relationship with William La Marck, Mari and Johann's third child and only son. They work as Campamento Zaragoza's only tattoo artist. His most common customers are those from the fighting sector and their most commonly commissioned pieces are portraits and names of departed loved ones. His proudest work is the Trastámara family crest that they tattooed on himself and their siblings.
Jocasta ‘Joyce’ Howard - Age fifty five years old. She's Kat's mother and she works at the hospital as a midwife alongside Mari, who's a nurse in the maternity ward. She's kept her daughter in the dark when it comes to her life before the End.
Sibylle La Marck - Aged twenty eight years old. She's engaged to Katherine James, who now runs the nursery. She's a member of the security team and often patrols the main gates with her squad.
Katherine James - Aged twenty six years old. She's currently engaged to Sibylle La Marck and she's a caretaker at the nursery after inheriting it from her mothers. Despite being and actual Tudor, she kept the last name, James, since she was raised by both her adopted mothers.
Henry 'Hal' Trastámara-Tudor - Age ten years old. He's Catalina and Henry Tudor's oldest son. He was named after his own father but looks more like his mother. He started despising his name after his father hurt and cheated on his mother so he prefers going by his nickname. He replaced his father by becoming his sisters' male role model.
Mary Trastámara-Tudor - Age seven years old. Catalina and Henry's second child. She's what you call a 'daddy's girl' but that label suddenly became useless after her father left them. She was still hoping her parents would get back together but stopped when her mother introduced Jane to them and she's stopped looking for her father since. Perfectly content with having Jane as a second mother.
Lillia Trastámara-Tudor - Age three years old. Catalina and Henry's youngest child together. She's her father's 'least favored' child due to her physical defects. She was born blind in one eye and her right hand didn't develop fully. Henry blamed Catalina for birthing a child with defects and unfortunately, little Lillia heard those arguments between her parents and blamed herself for them eventually splitting.
(Before you proceed, be warned that the story contains graphic descriptions of violence, blood, gore, death. Please proceed with caution)
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Epilogue
Catalina cries out when the nurse inserted the needle in her arm. Fernando held his youngest steady so she wouldn't squirm and injure herself with the needle. The nurse praised the toddler for being good after she had pulled out the needle and put a cartoon band aid, the tot had chosen prior to the shot, over the injured area.
"I'll submit the report to the department head. I'll also schedule the second dose six months in advance for you. Gracias for coming here, señor," the nurse said and left the room.
"Look at you, pequeña! You're quite brave," her father praised. Handing her precious Pancho back to her. She immediately took the plush monkey and hugged it close for comfort.
"Papa. It hurt," she whines. Gently rubbing the arm that received the shot.
"I know, pequeña, but you were brave and I'm proud of you for being a brave girl," Fernando reassured. Kissing his daughter's forehead.
Catalina pouts and pushes him away. She jumped off his lap and marched to the corner. She sits down on the cold tile floor, crosses her arms over her chest, and glaring at her father. Fernando knew that she was displeased with him. Luckily, he knew just the offering to get back to her good graces. But first, he must test the waters.
"Catalina."
The toddler lets out a 'humph' and looks away. 
"Catalina, mi pequeña preciosa."
"Humph!" 
Time for bribery then.
"Would you like to go to the ice cream shop for your favorite mango ice cream?" Fernando offered. He smiled when the toddler slowly turned to look at him.
"Mango ice cream?" she asked with a tone of hope in her voice.
Her father smiled and nodded. "Mango ice cream," he confirmed.
Catalina grins wide and stands up from the floor. She runs over to her father and tackles him in a hug.
"Ice cream!" she excitedly said.
Fernando chuckled and lifted his pequeña Catalina up in his arms. 
"Let's go get some ice cream but don't tell mamá where we went, okay? It's our secret," he reminded.
The toddler nodded and hugged her father's neck as they exited the room.
.
Name: Catalina Trastámara
Age: 3 years old
Sex: Female
Height: N/A
Weight: N/A
Blood Pressure: N/A
Consent from subject's guardian: Approved
Vaccine dosage: N/A
Vaccine side effects: none so far
Vaccine effectiveness: Yet to be determined though the subject has shown immunity to the virus when exposed to a very small dosage of it.
Examiner's Note: The subject's immunity seems to have developed significantly after being given the latest vaccine. It's not perfect but it's better than the last one which was given to the subject's older siblings. Further examination needed.
Catalina shuffled the papers. Rereading everything again. She's known for years that her father had her and her siblings vaccinated against the virus that brought over the End but only her records were left in the laboratory. She couldn't find anything about her older siblings.
The letter her father penned to her stated that the vaccine given to her was the updated one and far more effective but she wasn't sure of that and she's not willing to get herself bitten by an Infected to find out.
Sure the numbers had dwindled significantly over the years but it's better to be on the cautious side.
"Lina, we found more in the other room." 
Catalina puts the papers back in the folder where she found them and safely put them away in her backpack. One of her teammates and vice captain, Anne Boleyn, walked over to her and handed her more papers. Catalina quickly skims them over. Then she noticed something about them.
"These are…these are documents for developing the vaccine," she said. Quite surprised that they've found it already.
"Yep. It states the components and process needed to make the vaccine," Anne said. A smile on her lips.
Catalina couldn't help but get emotional. After years of searching for her father's headquarters, they finally found the very thing that can make the world right again. 
The world can finally heal and humanity can start over again.
"This is exactly what we came here for and we've got it. Let's head back and give this to Bella," she said. Putting it in a secure folder and tucking it in her backpack. Her old friend, Pancho, strapped snuggly to it.
"I'll gather the others so we can leave. Let's meet up outside," Anne said and left to go find the others. 
Catalina decided to do a bit more investigating. She exits the lab and makes the long trip up the flight of stairs. She wanted to see her father's office. To see if she could still remember what it looked like the last time she's been there. She finally reached the executive floor and she had to catch her breath for a minute after climbing up several flights. 
"Really wish the elevators were working," she mutters to herself before exiting the fire escape and entering the floor. 
It wasn't hard to locate Fernando's office. It was easily the one with the large double doors bearing the Trastámara family crest. 
"Bella did say that papá was always extra."
She pushed the old door open and inside was a time capsule. Except for the thick layer of dust, and a bit of decay, everything was exactly the same. As if her father hadn't died at all. Catalina enters the office and looks around. She remembers visiting this office with her mother and older siblings. She remembers playing on the carpet with her beloved Pancho and sitting on her father's lap while he worked. Letting her press the enter key or the space bar from time to time.
Catalina walked over to the executive desk and used a discarded paper to wipe off the layer of dust. She traced the wood until she felt the small, barely visible carvings on the wooden surface. She smiles to herself as the memory of her swiping her father's keys and using them to carve out her name on the wooden desk. Fernando scolded her for damaging his very expensive desk but he never did replace it. 
"I think he would've framed it if he had the chance," Catalina said to herself. Chuckling softly.
Something else on the desk catches her eye. It was several small framed photos. She reached out for one and wiping away the dust on the glass revealed a family photo.
Catalina immediately recognized herself as the little toddler in the photo. Bearing a wide and happy grin at the camera with Pancho clutched in her arms as she sat on her father's lap. She recognized her older siblings as well. Juan and Juana sitting next to each other and the twins, Maria and Marion, sitting on their mother's lap. Their oldest sister, Isabella, sat between their parents. Happy smiles all on their faces. 
Those were the days.
She looked towards the other framed photos and wiped the dust off each one. Her father kept framed photos of her, her older siblings, and his wedding portrait with their mother. She noticed that the wedding photo had the most elaborate frame out of all the photos. The frame seemed to be made of real gold. Worthy of such a powerful couple at the time.
"I never knew you personally, papá. I only had the memories of you in my early childhood as well as Bella's stories about you. I wished I knew more," Catalina said. Staring at her father in the wedding photo. 
She grabbed all of the framed photos and put them in her bag. She also grabs an expensive-looking pen from one of the drawers that bore her father's signature on the cap. Making sure they're secured in her bag before sling it over her shoulder. She heads to the door of the office to leave but before she exits, she looks back and says, "Adios, padre. Te querio." She exited the office and closed the door behind her.
.
"So what took you so long in there, Lina?" Anna asked as she sat in the truck's passenger seat. Right next to Kat, who was driving.
"I went to my father's old office," Catalina answered as she sat next to Jane.
"Found anything useful?" Cathy asked as she read through the other papers that they had found. Making mental notes that she'll transfer to her notepad once they arrive home.
"Well…I found some old photos of me and my family plus his favorite pen."
"I'm sure your siblings would love to see those, darling. Especially Bella," Jane said. Smiling at her girlfriend and placing a hand on her knee. Catalina smiled gratefully at her.
"It's strange, really," Anne said. "We all grew up in a dying world, trying to revive it without even knowing what it used to be before the End.
"Yeah. We're making all this effort and yet we didn't grow up in a normal setting like our parents did. We only have their stories as a basis," Kat agreed with her cousin.
"And foggy memories," Catalina added.
Anne looked over to their team leader and a question popped up in her mind.
"What was your family's story, Lina? Before the End," she asked. Voicing the question.
"Me? Well for starters, I remember my family being rich. Like living in a large mansion and such. Both my parents run their own successful and well known companies. In fact, I remember that my parents were about to head to work when the End happened," Catalina recalled. Still remembering that very day like it was yesterday. She even remembered her breakfast that she had that morning. Fried egg sandwich with mayonnaise, cheese and the bread toasted perfectly. Pairing it up with a cold glass of her favorite mango juice. 
A fitting last supper for a child her age at the time.
"Same thing with my parents. They came from rich families in Germany though I was told that they were disowned when they had my sister, Sibylle," Anna contributed.
"I remember your parents telling my madre that they were just about to finish university when the End happened," Catalina added.
"I was told that my family was mildly rich back in France. Like not millionaires per se but we can afford a couple of fancy cars, private schools and things like that," Anne said. She still remembered France a bit but not that much. All she knew was that she was quite fluent in the language despite not remembering living there as much.
"My mum wouldn't say anything about our family so I don't even know who my dad was or if I had older siblings or not. I just know that she was, and is, a midwife," Kat said. She remembers her mother would have this sad look on her face whenever Kat would ask about her father or possible siblings. She decided to drop it after Joyce had snapped at her to stop asking about it.
"I recall my madre finding your mum at a petrol station convenience store while we were on the road to escape the herd," Catalina commented.
"Oh yeah. She told me about that one plus the dog bite that was mistaken as an Infected bite incident." 
"I was told my family was like upper middle class. My dad used to be a police chief in London and my mum recently graduated with a nursing degree before the End," Cathy said. Not really remembering about London much since she was just a baby and she and her parents had already gone to Spain for a vacation when the End happened.
"Liz only told me what she remembered about our family home. Not much about our family in general. I knew I had many siblings and that we used to live on a ranch with horses and such. Though she often tells me stories about the man that took us in at the peak of the End," Jane said. She vaguely remembers Gonzalo but she knew him enough from the stories Liz tells about him as she was growing up.
"You mean my godfather?" Catalina asked.
"Yes. I think his name was Gonzalo, right?"
She smiled and nodded. She doesn't remember her padrino quite well but her older sibling's stories about him makes her think that he was truly a kind man who was harshly taken away from this world.
"I've heard about the story of your uncle, Lina. The first leader of Camp Zaragoza. Was he really a murderous psychopath?" Anna asked.
"He was my half uncle. And yes. Bella told me all about what he did to my family. Especially my madre," Catalina said.
"Eesh. Thank god my family came later long after he died," Anne said.
"Thank god we were too young to know and experience his tyranny," Cathy added.
Catalina was silent for a moment. Then she said, "he killed my grandmother, my grandfather, my godfather, and tortured my mother and sister." 
"Oh…sorry," Cathy quickly apologized.
Catalina shook her head. "No. It's okay. It was all in the past. Though I still remember my mother having really bad nightmares after. She would come to my room and lay next to me and would cry herself to sleep," she said.
"Oh my god…," Kat muttered.
"I'm so sorry, Lina," Jane said.
"Sometimes I wish I could have done something back then to make her feel better…" 
"Well, if it helps, you found the formula that could make the world better again," Anne said.
Catalina looked at her and nodded gratefully.
"Yeah." 
.
The group arrived back at the main camp and the gates opened to let them in.
"Glad you all came back safe," Sibylle said as she approached her sister and her group. She and Anna shared a hug and gave each other pats on the back.
"You bet we did. Not much Infected roaming around these days anyways," Anna said. 
"And just in time for mutter's birthday too," Sibylle said.
"Oh that's right! Kätzchen, let's stop by your mum's place first before going to mutter, ja?" Kat smiled at her girlfriend and nodded. "Sure!" she said.
"I'm going to Bella's office to deliver the goods. Cariño, can you do me a favor and look for my other siblings? Tell them to go to Bella's office once you find them, Catalina said.
Jane smiled. "Of course, darling. I'll be sure to do that before I pick up Eddie," she said.
The leader of the group smiled gratefully then left for her oldest sister's office.
.
"Welcome back. How was your expedition?" Isabella asked as her youngest sister entered her office.
"See for yourself," Catalina said and placed the folders on the desk in front of her eldest sister.
Isabella and her wife, Liz, looked through the papers. Then the two shared shocked expressions when they realized that what they were holding was the bible of the very vaccine they've been looking for.
"Oh my god…this is actually the formula!" Liz exclaimed.
"It's probably outdated by now but it's enough of a basis to use to create our own stronger vaccine!" Isabella said.
"Great job, Catalina! I'll bring this to the lab immediately!" Liz said. Gathering the papers and hurrying out.
Isabella smiled at her sister and hugged her. "This is a great start to making things right again! Muchas gracias, Catalina," she said. Catalina smiled and hugged her back then pulled away. "I actually found something else there too," she said. Grabbing her bag and rummaging through it.
"What else have you found?" her sister asked.
The youngest of the Trastámara children laid out the framed photos one by one on her sister's desk. Isabella looked at them. Her tears welling up with each photo she sees. She started to sob quietly when her eyes laid upon their parents' wedding photo.
"I found these in the papá's office. It was still the same as I remember it. Only a bit dusty," she said.
Isabella picked up their framed family photo and looked at it. Smiling sadly at the happy faces of her family.
"I miss those days. Those days where all I worried about was what university I should attend after graduation. I often wished I went to Madrid University like mamá and papá did," she lamented. 
"You never told me. What really happened to papá," Catalina said. Looking at Isabella.
The older of the two wiped her tears away and looked down. She carefully placed the framed photo of their parents on her desk. Moving it next to hers and Liz's own wedding photo.
"Papá was bitten by an Infected. He had died and came back as an Infected and attacked mamá. Mamá had no choice but to shoot him," she recounted. Still slightly bitter at her mother for keeping this fact a secret.
"And mamá hid that fact for a long time?" Catalina asked.
Isabella nodded. "She did. I was mad at her for lying to me but…later on I realized she did it to keep us together to survive. Lord knows what would have happened if she had told me that she shot papá. I would have left with you all in my car and…probably not survive that long," she said.
"The herd would have mostly gotten to us." 
Isabella nodded. "It was mamá plans that got us through those hellish and dangerous months when the herd reached Campamento Zaragoza," she said. 
She remembered it as if it was only yesterday. They had finished the fortifications of the walls and secured every inch of the territory. The herd had arrived some days after they had finished and everyone lived in fear for several months. No one could go out to scavenge. They were all trapped inside behind tall walls and had to rely heavily on their existing resources. They even considered opening fire on the herd but wasting ammo was not a viable option. Isabella had to do her best in keeping everyone calm during those months and wisely ration their resources. Thankfully, their crops survived through the months. The herd itself died out slowly as the Infected rotted away until there were only bones left. The strong stench of rot caused a lot of people to be sick and the leadership council needed to have oxygen masks made for the people. Especially those vulnerable.
"What I hated during those months was the stench. I probably threw up every day during that time and got sick often," Catalina said. A look of disgust on her face as she remembered the memory of her youth during those times.
"Well hey at least you got through it," Isabella pointed out.
"Yeah but I probably lost my sense of smell for a long while after." 
Isabella chuckled. She reached up to ruffle her sister's hair but Catalina nimbly ducked away and stuck her tongue out at her.
"You're so childish, Catalina," she said. Grabbing her by the shoulders and rubbing her knuckles against her head.
"Ah! Bella no!" The youngest cried. Struggling to get out of her sister's grip.
Isabella laughs and finally releases her. Catalina pouted as she fixed her hair. "And you say I'm childish," she retorts.
"We all are in a way. It's nice to act childish once in awhile," the older of the two said. Catalina smiled and nodded in agreement.
A knock on the door broke the brief silence the sisters shared. 
"Come in." Isabella called. Going behind the desk and sitting down. Business as usual. The doors opened and Juan peeked in. "You called for us, Bella?" their brother asked. Entering the office with the rest of their siblings behind him. Isabella frowns in confusion.
"No I didn't," she said.
"Actually, I did. I had Jane call you and the others up here," Catalina said. Her older siblings looked at her in surprise.
"What for, Lina?" Maria asked. Standing next to her twin.
"I wanted to show you what I found in papá's office," she said.
This immediately got their attention and they crowded around the table. Looking at the photos of their family.
"Oh my god…I never thought we'd see these again," Marion said as they looked at the framed family photo. It was the last one they took before the End happened.
"And papá kept all of these in his office…," Juana whispered. Tracing the features of her younger self.
"Wow…I…I'm starting to get emotional…," Juan said. His voice cracked a bit.
"It was quite emotional for me too. Being in his office earlier. It was still the same as I remembered it. Like he never left," Catalina said.
The siblings had an emotional moment together. Huddled in a large group hug and reminiscing the years of innocence that were harshly taken away from them when the End occurred. 
"I love you guys. I couldn't imagine a life without any of you. Even though you guys drive me up the wall sometimes," Isabella said. Earning her a laugh from her younger siblings.
"You'd probably be a spoiled only child without us," Marion quipped.
"Yeah but I ended up spoiling you guys instead," his oldest sister said.
"Such is the life of the oldest child," Maria remarked.
"Here here!" Juan said. The siblings shared another laugh.
The six of them stayed in Isabella's office for awhile. Just talking and reminiscing the past years they've had together.
"Mamá really did everything to give us the life she would have wanted. Even at her expense," Marion said. Their siblings nodded in agreement.
"We wouldn't have made it this far without her," Juana said.
"Yeah," Maria said.
"Speaking of mamá, I should get going. I haven't seen my children yet since I came back here after arriving back," Catalina said. Grabbing her bag and packing the framed photos in it.
"You're going to the farmhouse after?" Juan asked.
"Yep. I'm taking a well deserved vacation after the expedition," the youngest said. Slinging her backpack over her shoulder.
"Alright then. I'll just communicate the reports to Anne," Isabella said.
"Thanks Bella. I'll see you all in a week."
"See ya!"
.
Catalina arrived at the day care and got out of her truck. She was about to head inside when someone called out to her.
"Catalina!" 
She turns and smiles when she sees Joyce heading towards her. 
"Hola, señora," she greets. "Looking for Kitty?"
"Oh I already met up with Katherine earlier. She and Anna are currently headed to the hospital to surprise Mari," Joyce said.
"Oh that's right! Today's her birthday, right?" 
Joyce smiled and nodded. "I think they'll be holding a party later. Anyways, I wanted to ask you a favor and it's okay if you refuse," she said.
"We'll see then. Fire away," Catalina said.
"Do you still remember the petrol station where your mother found me?" Joyce asked.
"Somewhat. I think we pass by that particular station a few times during our expeditions. Why?" Catalina asked.
"Well on your next expedition, I was wondering if you could stop by the museum near that petrol station and take Katherine there. That's where I…I lost my family," she sadly explained.
"Oh. I see. Well, I'll be sure to make a short pitstop there for Kitty." Joyce smiled gratefully. 
"Thank you, Catalina. Katherine's been asking about my family for years and I feel bad for keeping it away from her. She deserves to know. Hopefully their belongings are still there." 
Catalina nodded in understanding. Kitty has told the group many times how she'd want to know about her own family but her mother was still grieving them after all these years.
"I'm heading off to Girona later. I'll stop by and check if I find myself down that path," Catalina reassured.
"Thank you again. I'll see you around, Catalina," Joyce said.
"De nada, señora."
Joyce gave her a small hug before heading off on her way again. Catalina watched her go with a sympathetic smile. From what Isabella had told her, Joyce was the only survivor of her family when they found her. So it was understandable why she's still grieving and refused to tell Kitty anything about them.
She made a mental note to herself to stop by that particular petrol station sometime.
"Mama!" 
As soon as she comes in, she grins and opens her arms to catch her children as they tackle her in a group hug. Ten year old Hal, seven year old Mary, and four year old Lillia all laughed happily as they piled on their mother.
"You're back!" Mary said.
"Yes I am! I just got back earlier. Have you three been good while I was gone?" their mother asked.
"Sí! We missed you though," Hal said.
"Miss you so much!" Lillia added.
"Oh I missed you too, mi niños!" Catalina said. Pulling her children closer. Then she looked at the three of them with a small frown.
"Did your father come and visit you while I was gone?" she asked.
As she expected, all three of her little ones shook their heads with sad faces. Their father was notorious in making empty promises after all.
"Of course he didn't. He's probably with his latest side fling of the week," Catalina mumbled.
"Welcome back, Lina! Glad you guys made it safe," Kath said. Walking over to them with a smile on her face. Catalina smiled back as she stood up.
"Hola, Kath. Thank you for looking after my little rascals here," she said. 
"No problem! They behaved as usual so it was no trouble at all," Kath said.
"Did your brother visit them at least once?" Kath shook her head.
"Nope. He didn't even visit Elizabeth and Edward. But what did you expect from my useless brother?" 
"Nothing. There was nothing to expect from him. Though it's probably for the best that their father isn't in their lives to influence them. Well we better get going. Thank you again, Kath!" 
Kath smiled and nodded. Catalina took her children out of the nursery and got them in her truck.
"Can we go to the farm today, mama?" Mary asked. 
"Yeah! We go swimming!" Lillia said.
"We are going there, niños. We'll be staying there for a week," Catalina said. Getting in the driver's seat.
"Yay!" the three cheered. They loved going to the farm. Especially when it was close to the beach and they could all go swimming, fishing and go dig in the sand to hunt for crabs for dinner.
"Let's stop by the house first to pack up," their mother said and drove off to their humble home.
To her surprise, Jane was already there when they arrived and had already packed their things for them. 
"Cariño? When did you get here?" Catalina asked. Urging her children to their rooms to get their bags. The blonde smiled at her and said, "I heard you're going to stay in Girona for a week so I thought I'd pack your bags in advance and house sit for you while you're gone." 
Catalina chuckled and gave her a swift kiss. "You somehow always know things in advance," she commented.
"It's a talent," Jane said. Cuddling close to her girlfriend.
The couple stood in silence for awhile, just holding each other close. Catalina broke the silence first.
"Jane."
"Hm?"
"What do you think about moving in together?" 
Jane looked up at Catalina with a happy grin. "I would love to move in with you!" she happily said.
Catalina grins back and the two share a loving kiss. "The move will be easy since the children already get along quite well. Why don't you and Eddie move in completely once we get back from Girona?" 
The blonde nodded. "I would love that!" she said. The Spanish woman smiled again and gave her another kiss. 
Things really are starting to turn out for the better.
.
Catalina parked her truck in front of the old farmhouse and got out. She helped her little ones down from the vehicle and they walked up to the front door. She unlocked it with her key and went in. Hal, Mary, and Lillia immediately rush upstairs to get to their rooms and unpack.
Meanwhile, their mother went to the living room and towards the homemade altar. She pulls out the framed photos from her bag and carefully places them there.
"I didn't hear you come in." 
Catalina smiled. "I didn't want to wake you and I'd thought I'd surprise you," she said. Turning around to face her mother.
Isabel smiled as she hobbled over her youngest. Leaning heavily on her husband's old cane. The left sleeve of her shirt was dangling about with each step. Catalina went over to her mother and hugged her.
"The little ones woke me with their excited chatter, but you still managed to surprise me. How was the expedition?" she asked. Pulling away and turning towards the altar. Her eyes widened at the sight of the framed photos. She let go of the cane in favor of reaching out to one of the photos, her wedding photo, and taking it in her hand.
"H-How did you…?" 
"We found the formula for the vaccine but I also found these in papá's old office. It was untouched all these years," Catalina said. Going around and picking up the dropped cane.
"Oh Fernando. Mi amor. You were always the sentimental one out of the both of us," Isabel muttered as her thumb gently traced over her late husband's features on the photo.
"I can take you there sometime. See his office and all," Catalina offered.
Her mother shook her head. "The past has passed. I buried your padre a long time ago in our old home. It wasn't a proper grave per se but he would've wanted it if there were no other available options," she said. Gently setting the photo down.
"Mamá…the others and I are planning on traveling home next month and we'd like you to come with us," Catalina said.
Isabel looked at her daughter in confusion. "Traveling home?" she asked. Her youngest daughter nodded in confirmation.
"Sí. Back home to the mansion. Pick up some old things we left there for sentimentality. Maybe even pay our respects to padre."
Isabel thought for a moment. Going back home after all these years sounded great but she's not sure if she's ready to go back yet.
"I'm not so sure, mija. It's been some decades since we left the mansion," she said.
"I know but it'll be nice if you'd come with us."
"I'll…I'll think about it, mija. I'll be sure to give my decision when the time is right."
Catalina gave her mother a small smile before handing her the old cane back. Isabel quietly thanked her. Taking the cane and leaning against it for support.
"Let's go sit and talk. I haven't seen you in weeks," she said. Hobbling over to the couch. Catalina followed right behind. 
Isabel carefully lowered herself to sit on the couch with a slight groan. Her daughter went to help her but she waved her off and sat down heavily with a sigh.
"You're having trouble sitting again. Maybe you should go to the camp to get your back checked," Catalina suggested. Sitting next to her mother.
Isabel shook her head. "No. I don't want to," she said. 
"But why? The doctors can help you."
"Ever since I got bit by an Infected years ago, a bit of the virus is still in me. Even after I had to cut a part of my arm off entirely. There's no cure for me, Catalina. I just have to live with it."
Catalina couldn't help but look at the stump of an arm her mother has. She could still recall that very day. Her mother had stumbled back in camp with her entire forearm cut off. She was pale, bleeding heavily, and a bit of bone was sticking out through the open wound. The hasty patchwork she did on the stump is probably what saved her just in time. She got to drive back long enough before she could pass out from blood loss and got her severe injury treated just in time.
"What was it like? Cutting your own arm off?" Catalina asked. She's been curious since the incident but didn't have the courage to ask.
Isabel lets out a chuckle. "Why? Planning on cutting a certain body part of yours in case of an Infected bite?" she joked. Her daughter chuckled as well.
"Maybe when I'm desperate enough. Right now, I'm just curious. What was going through your head that time? What made you do it in the end?" Catalina asked. Isabel grew serious and looked down at arm. Glaring at it. 
"Mamá?"
"I thought of you."
Catalina was surprised at the answer. "Me?" she asked. Pointing at herself. Her mother nodded in affirmation. 
"Yes you. You and your siblings are what made me do it," Isabel said. "I realized that Bella couldn't take care of you all by herself if I was gone. Plus, I knew they would make her my replacement when she wasn't even ready yet. It was hard enough without your papá but without me…she, as well as the rest of you, wouldn't be able to have the life you have now." 
Catalina nodded. It does make sense. Even though Isabella was eighteen at the time, she's still somewhat of a child herself. Needing guidance to get through adult life. So sacrificing a part of an arm was a small sacrifice in order for Isabel to live and be the guide her daughter needed. The youngest Trastámara was snapped out of her thoughts when her mother suddenly chuckled again.
"Care to share what made you giggle like a niña?" Catalina asked. Playfully raising an eyebrow at her mother. 
"I just realized that cutting my own arm at a church altar made it look like I was offering a blood sacrifice to the Lord. Though in a way, it is somewhat like that. I was praying for God to save me and have mercy on me while screaming in pain," she casually said. 
Catalina looked at her mother with a horrified expression. The mental image of her mother severing her own arm off made her a bit disturbed and nauseous. "Lo siento, mija. I didn't think that the image would be disturbing to you," Isabel apologized after noticing her daughter going a bit pale.
"Mamá…why? Why not try another way?" her daughter asked.
"I was scared and desperate. I was alone with an Infected bite on my arm and a blade. I wanted to live and, by God's will, I will live. For the sake of the only family that I have left," Isabel said. She pulled the old blade out from the cane. She could still see the part that she used to cut off her arm. The sharp edge chipped when she got to the bone of her forearm. Catalina placed her hand over her mother's and gently pushed the blade back in the cane. Isabel sighs and sits back on the couch. The youngest child looked at her in worry.
"Can I tell you a secret?" she asked. Catalina paused for a second before nodding. "Go ahead."
"Promise me you won't tell any of your siblings. Especially your hermana."
"Okay."
Isabel closed her eyes briefly, took a deep breath to gather her courage and faced her youngest fully. 
"I've been feeling bouts of severe pain in my arm since the bite and had some sort of addiction to painkillers," she said. Placing a gentle hand on her amputated arm. Catalina looked at her in shock.
"Mamá! Why didn't you–" she exclaimed.
Isabel held up a hand to cut her off from saying more. "I didn't want you all to worry. So I kept it to myself and smuggled small doses of painkillers from the medical inventory during weekly counting to bear with the pain and show that I was fine," she explained.
"But mamá, keeping such a large secret from me? From the others? We could have helped you!" Catalina said.
"That's the problem. You couldn't," Isabel said. Her daughter looked at her in shock. "Not even I couldn't help myself. I tried other methods. Trust me, I did but the pain was unbearable and pills were the only temporary solution. I didn't want you all wasting your time worrying over something you can't fix instead of focusing on your own lives. So I decided to keep it all to myself and let my children live their lives with no worries or distractions. Especially from their madre."
Catalina had tears streaming down her face. Her mother had been feeling excruciating pain for years and she couldn't do anything about it. She felt somewhat betrayed. Isabel smiled reassuringly and wiped the tears with her thumb before pulling Catalina close to kiss her forehead. 
"I'm happy I kept it from you. I didn't want you all to worry about me. Especially when you were still growing into people you wanted to be," she said. Pausing a bit to collect herself as she was fighting back her own tears. After a few deep breaths, she continues, "I never really had a childhood. My mamãe, your avó, had early onset dementia and I had to take care of her when your abuelo Chacón wasn't present. At the same time, I was studying and taking care of my younger brother as well since he was still a child and mamãe couldn't really take care of him. I didn't want you all to go through that. You deserve better." 
"Mamá, we could've found a way to help you! Don't you trust us?" Catalina asked. Sobbing once more. It truly hurt her to learn that her mother was suffering for their sake. Isabel smiles at her daughter again.
"I do. I trust you all but there's just some things that a mother has to keep in the dark to protect her children. While I had no regrets in taking care of your avó, I still longed for the childhood I never had," she said.
Catalina couldn't take it anymore. She pulls her mother in her arms and hugs her tightly. Isabel wrapped her one good arm around her daughter and gently rubbed circles in her back to comfort her while Catalina cried on her shoulder. 
The mother and daughter stayed like that for a good while. Only pulling away after Catalina had run out of tears to cry. She wiped away the tears as she recomposed herself while her mother sat back against the back of the old couch.
"I would like to be buried at home. Next to your padre," Isabel suddenly said. A longing smile on her face.
Catalina looked at her mother in confusion. "You're saying that as if you're dying," she said lightheartedly. Laughing a little in hopes that her mother was just joking.
Unfortunately for her, Isabel didn't laugh but the smile remained. 
"I am." 
"Mamá don't say that. I get that you're old but you're–" 
"I'm dying, Catalina. I went to Campamento Zaragoza last week to get my daily check up and the results weren't good this time around. The doctor said that the virus from the Infected bite had mutated into cancer and I have about a year left to live if I'm lucky enough."
Catalina looked shocked at this. Her mother was dying and she only had a year of her life left. 
"Mamá, there's still time. We can have you treated. We got the formula for the vaccine. We can cure it!" she desperately rambled on.
Isabel simply shook her head. 
"No. I don't want any treatment. I am old and I'm tired. I want to live out my last remaining days with my family and not be stuck in a hospital bed. Please understand my wishes, mija. Now that you and your siblings have your own lives with your own families, I can finally stop trying to survive and just rest with your padre," she said. 
Catalina felt hopeless. Her mother was dying and she couldn't do anything about it. "What do you want me to do? What do you want us to do?" she asked.
"Mija, don't stress yourself too much. I'll tell you and your siblings what I want you to do in due time. Let's just focus on right now. Okay?" 
Catalina furiously wiped away the stray tears and nodded. "Okay." Isabel smiled at her daughter and kissed her forehead once more. They can worry about the future later, right now is what's important for the both of them.
"Gracias, Catalina. Now, tell me all about your expedition." 
--------------------------------------------------
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annecoulmanross · 4 years ago
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Top Ten Historical Figures Done Dirty by The Terror (2018)
So, we all know and love Dave Kajganich and Soo Hugh’s beautiful show, right? Of course. But it’s important to set the historical record straight, especially when there are real people’s life-stories and legacies on the line. 
(NOTE: this list is biased heavily toward upper-class individuals because the historical record does a better job preserving those voices for us. Was the real Cornelius Hickey as nasty a person in real life as he was in the show? Almost certainly not – which is why we’re given “E.C.” as a nod to the fact that we shouldn’t assume these characters represent real historical villains, even when the narrative makes them antagonists; HOWEVER, not everyone in the show was given the same courtesy as the OG “Cornelius Hickey.” Which is why this post exists – to show you the best sides of some people you might not otherwise appreciate for their full humanity. That being said, keep in mind the sources used – and, for instance, who has surviving portraits and who doesn’t.)
Thus, below the cut, I give you this list, (mostly) in order from #10 (honorable mention, only somewhat slandered) to #1 (most hideously maligned) – my list of characters from The Terror who deserved better. 
(Please don’t take this too seriously – I know there are reasons why choices had to be made in order to make this show work on television, and I do very much love the end product. But I also genuinely think it’s a good idea to remember the real people behind these characters, and think critically about how we depict them ourselves.) 
Bottom Tier – The Overlooked Men of the Franklin Expedition
#10. Richard Wall – & – John Diggle
We’re combining these two because they had a lot in common, historically speaking! Both were polar veterans, having served as a Cook (Wall) and an AB-then-Quartermaster (Diggle) on HMS Erebus under the command of Sir James Clark Ross in the Antarctic expedition of 1839-1843. Certainly we do get some good scenes with them in the show, but there was plenty more to explore there – for instance, Captain Ross was apparently so taken with Richard Wall that he hired him on as a private cook after the Antarctic expedition. (One imagines that Sir James may have regretted letting his friends of the Franklin expedition steal Wall out from under him.)
(If you want some more information on Diggle, the brilliant @handfuloftime​ found this excellent article on him – fun facts include the detail that Diggle’s only daughter bore the name Mary Ann Erebus Diggle.) 
#9. John Smart Peddie 
Now, I don’t think we should go as far as the Doctor Who Audio Drama adaptation of the Franklin Expedition, which makes Peddie into Francis Crozier’s oldest friend, someone “almost like a brother” to Crozier (no evidence of ANY prior relationship between the two existed, contrary to whatever the Doctor Who Audio Dramas would have you believe!) but Peddie probably earned his place as chief surgeon, however fond we may all be of the beautiful Alex “Macca” MacDonald, who was, in fact, the Assistant Surgeon, historically speaking. It’s hard to find information about Peddie, but someone should go looking! I want to know about this man! 
(If you want to know more about the historical Alexander MacDonald, there’s a short biographical article on him from Arctic that you can read here.)
#8 James Walter Fairholme
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The only one of the expedition’s lieutenants who doesn’t really get any characterization in the show, which is a travesty! The historical Fairholme (pronounced “Fairem”) was, as they say, a himbo, and the letters that he wrote home to his father are positively precious. He loved the expedition pets (lots of kisses for Neptune!), and he needed two kayaks because he couldn’t fit into just one with his beefy thighs. Fitzjames loaned him a coat when all the Erebus officers had their portraits taken, and then called him a “smart, agreeable companion, and a well informed man,” and Goodsir singled Fairholme out as “very much interested” in the work of naturalist observations. Just a lovely young man who could have gotten some screen time, you know? 
(Also, as @transblanky​ discovered, four separate members of the Fairholme family gave money to Thomas Blanky’s widow when she was struggling financially in the 1850s, making them, combined, the most generous contributor to her subscription.) 
Middle Tier – Franklin’s Men Who Didn’t Deserve That
#7. William Gibson
Alright, I want to talk about how uniquely horrible the show’s William Gibson is: this is a character willing to lie and accuse his partner of sexual assault that didn’t happen. I get there were extenuating circumstances, but if I were a historical figure who died in some famous disaster and someone depicted me doing something like that? Let’s just say I’m deeply offended on the real Gibson’s behalf. 
What do we know about the historical William Gibson? Not much – but we know a little. Gibson’s younger brother served on an overland exploratory venture across Australia in the 1870s… from which he never returned. (God, the Gibson family had the worst luck?) This description of a conversation that young Alf Gibson had with expedition leader Ernest Giles only days before his death is VERY eerie: 
[Gibson] said, “Oh! I had a brother who died with Franklin at the North Pole, and my father had a deal of trouble to get his pay from government.” He seemed in a very jocular vein this morning, which was not often the case, for he was usually rather sulky, sometimes for days together, and he said, “How is it, that in all these exploring expeditions a lot of people go and die?” 
I said, “I don't know, Gibson, how it is, but there are many dangers in exploring, besides accidents and attacks from the natives, that may at any time cause the death of some of the people engaged in it; but I believe want of judgment, or knowledge, or courage in individuals, often brought about their deaths. Death, however, is a thing that must occur to every one sooner or later.” 
To this he replied, “Well, I shouldn't like to die in this part of the country, anyhow.” In this sentiment I quite agreed with him, and the subject dropped.
(From Giles’s Australia Twice Traversed which you can read here) 
Beyond that, one thing we do know is that William Gibson was probably friends with Henry Peglar – they had served on ships together before, and Gibson may possibly have been the poor fellow found cradling the Peglar Papers, according to researcher Glenn Stein. So we might imagine the historical Gibson as a much kinder man than the show’s depiction of him – this was someone who befriended the clever, playful Peglar we all know and love from the transcriptions of his papers, so full of poetry and linguistic jokes. It’s a shame we didn’t get a chance to meet this real Gibson, who actually knew the Henry Peglar whom we love so well.
#6. Stephen Stanley
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Look. There’s that one famous line in James Fitzjames’s letters to the Coninghams about how Stanley went about with his “shirt sleeves tucked up, giving one unpleasant ideas that he would not mind cutting one’s leg off immediately – ‘if not sooner.’” And certainly Harry Goodsir had some mixed opinions of the man, saying was “a would be great man who as I first supposed would not make any effort at work after a time,” and that he “knows nothing whatever about subject & is ignorant enough of all other subjects,” whatever…. that means…. 
But Fitzjames also had some rather nicer things to say about him, that he was “thoroughly good natured and obliging and very attentive to our mess.” Also, the amputation comment? Very likely had a quite positive underlying joke to it – Stanley may not have been much of a naturalist, but he was actually an accomplished anatomist, who won a prize for dissection in 1836, on account of his “bend of the elbow,” which was “a picture of dissection,” according to Henry Lonsdale, who also called Stanley his “facetious friend” and “a fine fellow” (Lonsdale 1870, pg. 159). So, the real Stanley probably was rather droll, but the perpetually cruel Stanley of the show misses some of the real man’s major historical virtues and replaces them with historically unlikely mass-mercy-murder. 
#5. John Irving
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Now we’re getting into the territory of characters who did get some good development, but are missing a bit of historical nuance. As I’m sure many of you know, the historical Irving was indeed very religious, but the flashes of anger (i.e. against Manson) we see from Irving in the show don’t seem terribly consistent with the Irving depicted in this memorial volume, where John seems more like a quiet, bookish, mathematically inclined young man, with a self-deprecating sense of humor and a gentle sweetness. It’s really not at all far off from the version of Irving we see with Kooveyook in the show – I just wish we could have seen more of that side of Irving. 
Top Tier – The Triumvirate of Polar Friends
So, these three DO have many good things to recommend them in the show, but because I’ve done such deep research on them, it can be quite jarring to watch certain scenes in which they behave contrary to their historical personalities, and I find myself pausing when watching the show with friends or family to explain that NO, they wouldn’t do that! 
#4. Sir James Clark Ross
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First thing – we LOVE Richard Sutton. He did a beautiful job with the material given to him. (This is true of all the actors on the list, frankly, but it’s doubly true here.) But that scene at the Admiralty where Sir James tells Lady Franklin “I have many friends on those ships, as you know,” to shut down her argument for search missions? At that time (aka 1847), historically, Sir James Clark Ross was actively campaigning for search missions, planning routes and volunteering his services in command of any vessel the Admiralty even vaguely contemplated sending out. You could see this real-life desperation in Sir James’s morose attention to his whiskey glass in that scene if you’re really trying, but I think the more historically responsible thing would have been to make vividly clear that James Ross risked life and limb, as soon as he possibly could, to try to rescue Franklin and Crozier and Blanky, men he’d known and cared about and bitterly missed – and, in the case of Crozier, “truly loved.” 
#3. Sir John Franklin
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The historical Franklin had plenty of flaws – his contributions to British colonial rule certainly harmed no small number of people, and we should question the way that heroic statues of Franklin are some of the only memorials that serve to honor the lives lost on Franklin’s expeditions – especially considering the steep body count of not only Franklin’s final voyage, but his previous missions in Arctic regions as well. (DM me and I’ll scream at you about counter-monuments! Is this a promise or a threat? Who knows!) With that said, most contemporary accounts agree that Sir John Franklin treated his friends, his family, and those within his social orbit with kindness, and his cruelties were systemic, not personal. In this light, the image of Sir John viciously tearing into Francis Crozier’s vulnerabilities in the show feels very off. Though there was certainly some friction over Crozier’s two proposals to Sophia Cracroft, historically speaking, there’s no evidence at all that Sir John discouraged her from marrying Francis – Sophia may have had many reasons of her own (*clears throat meaningfully in a lesbian sort of way*) for not accepting any of the several marriage proposals offered to her (from Crozier as well as from others), and we ought to keep in mind that she remained unmarried all her life. The notion that the real Sir John would have considered Crozier too low-born or too Irish to be part of the Franklin family isn’t grounded in historical fact.
#2. Lady Jane Franklin
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Again disclaimer: the real Lady Franklin left behind a legacy with much to critique. Those who rightfully point out the racism of her treatment of the young indigenous Tasmanian girl Mathinna should be fully heard out. Observations of her own contributions to imperialism are important and valid. Though I tend to see her feud with Dr. John Rae as somewhat understandable – given that Lady Franklin didn’t have the benefit of our hindsight knowing Rae was correct – the levels of prejudice that she enabled and even encouraged in the writing of Charles Dickens when he attempted to discredit Inuit accounts of Franklin’s fate are inarguably deplorable. These things being said, everything noted for Sir John re: Sophia Cracroft goes for Lady Franklin as well – there’s no reason to imagine a scene where Jane would bully Francis Crozier within an inch of his life, seconds after a failed second proposal, when, historically, Lady Franklin felt the situation was so delicate that it required the quiet and compassionate intervention of Sir James Clark Ross, a dearly loved mutual friend to all parties. Tension does not imply aggression; conflict is not abuse. We know this can’t have been an easy experience for the historical Francis Crozier, but the picture is a lot more complicated than what can be shown in one small subplot of a ten-episode television show. Because of this complexity, however, Lady Franklin’s social deftness suffers in the show. (I could also write an entire essay about Jane Franklin’s last shot in the show, at the beginning of Episode 9: The C the C the Open C – TL;DR is that framing is very important, and, at the very last moment, the show reframes Lady Franklin as a mutilated corpse, a speaking mouth without a brain, which is….. a choice.)
And, at number 1, the person done most dirty by The Terror (2018) is….
#1. Charles Frederick “Freddy” Des Voeux 
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Look. I’m biased here because I am fed daily information about the historical Freddy Des Voeux from @frederickdesvoeux​ so I’ve become, I think understandably, a bit attached. 
But this is very plainly the clearest cruelty the show does to a historical figure – the historical Des Voeux was a very young man (only around 20 when the ships set sail) known always as “Frederick or Freddy” to his family, and described by all parties as bright and sweet – Fitzjames said that he was “a most unexceptionable, clever, agreeable, light-hearted, obliging young fellow, and a great favourite of Hodgson’s, which is much in his favour besides,” and described him cheerfully helping to catch specimens for Goodsir. Des Voeux is named “dear” by Captain Osborn in Erasmus Henry Brodie’s 1866 poem on the Franklin Expedition (43) and Leo McClintock reported the young man’s well-known “intelligence, gallantry, and zeal” in his 1869 update to his account of the Franklin Expedition’s fate (xlii). None of this is consistent with Des Voeux’s behaviour in the show, especially in the later episodes. 
To reduce Des Voeux to an easily-detested figure, over whose death one might cheer, is not a kindness – the creation of a narrative where his death is satisfying does damage to the memory of a real person, a barely-more-than-teenager who died in the cold of the Arctic and left behind only scraps of a shirt and a spidery signature in the bottom margin of a fragmentary document. 
Television shows may need their villains, but it’s important to remember that real life isn’t like that. Surely the historical Frederick Des Voeux was most likely not a perfect person, and, as an upper class officer contributing to a British imperial project, he does bear some responsibility for the harm done by the Franklin expedition, but it’s not accurate to assume he was any less worthy of sympathy than the other officers who considered him a friend – those men whom we now venerate, like James Fitzjames. So as far as I’m concerned, Freddy Des Voeux deserves at least as much consideration, care, and compassion from us. 
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beccanoodles · 4 years ago
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Spike and Faye Pairing Analysis
March 2021
Ah the hit or miss pairing of the century! If you don’t love it, you probably hate it lol. I’m a very analytical person so I love analyzing works of art and overall enjoy deep discussions about them too. I have SO much to say when it comes to Cowboy Bebop (and oh I plan to), but I have decided to start with my very own OTP. Here, I am not really going to discuss Spike and Faye’s feelings for each other, but rather why I think people are drawn to this pairing and why I think they're totally valid. Get ready for a long read!😁
⚠️SPOILER WARNING!!! [Major Cowboy Bebop and the movie Out of the Past spoilers]⚠️
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First off, let’s clear something up. I am confident most of us can agree that Spike was in love with Julia. Some people assume Spike and Faye fans are deranged and disregard Spike and Julia’s romantic relationship to try and make something of Spike and Faye that never was. While some people may have their various theories and opinions on this, generally, I don’t think anyone denies Spike’s love for Julia. As we will see, this pairing is not really driven by who loves who...let’s first look on the surface.
I don’t know your experiences with the series, but in mine, every time I show this to people it never fails for someone to say something along the lines of,
“Wait, they don’t end up together?”
“Why didn’t he kiss her!?”
“He should have stayed with her...”
and so fourth. 
Naturally, this pairing catches many eyes. 
Think about it, you are given two really cool, really hot and really deep characters that are really fun to see together! There are so many parallels between the two and they are arguably the strongest characters of the bunch. Granted, you can agree with this and still not ship them, but these aspects are part of what opens up the door for many fans of the pairing.
However, there is certainly more to this pairing than them simply looking good together right? As the years pass and I’ve now seen the show multiple times, my understanding of it has evolved in many areas, Spike and Faye included. 
Spike and Faye really couldn’t have ended up together. Sure, it’s a nice thought, but It would have been an entirely different show if they had. I don’t feel that the show should have happened any other way and I don’t think many other fans would either. 
So, what am I saying here?
What’s the point of this paring if I don’t think they should have ended up together? 
It is what's so frustrating about them, yet keeps you coming back and what honestly validates this pairing in my opinion. Spike and Faye are not driven by what is, but rather, what could be.  
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I personally feel the themes of classic film Noir are not discussed enough when it comes to Cowboy Bebop! This is one of the show's major influences, especially when it comes to the plot and characters.
One of the common tropes of a film noir is that of a protagonist who is drawn back into his past and ultimate doom, usually by the “seduction” of a femme fatale. In these movies, the women are either a femme fatale [devious, dangerous, mysterious, greedy, troubled, or unreliable] or a woman of virtue [reliable, dutiful, trustworthy, conventional and loving]. 
I am going to use the 1947 classic, Out of the Past to make my comparisons from here on out.
In Out of the Past, Jeff is a former detective who gets caught up in a love triangle between a gangster and his girlfriend Kathie, sound familiar? He attempts to run away with her, but is betrayed and runs off to start a new life in a new town. Here, he meets Ann and falls in love with her, but of course, his past catches up to him and he is drawn back into the world of criminals (largely by Kathie’s involvement). This ultimately results in his and Kathie’s deaths and Ann’s heartbreak. 
Even though Kathie is the femme fatale in this movie, I found myself comparing her more to Julia’s role in the show, than to Faye’s and I found that Faye actually fit best in Ann’s role (this is a bit unusual considering Faye is typically seen as the femme fatale of this show).
Does that mean I think Julia was as ill intentioned as Kathie or that Spike fell in love with Faye? Well, not exactly, let’s look at it a bit further.
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“The kind of beautiful, dangerous ordinary that you just can’t leave alone...Like an angel from the underworld or a devil from paradise.”
Most of what we get about Julia is from Spike’s point of view. From this, we learn she is at the center of Vicious and Spike’s conflict, but aside from that she is basically depicted as “The Virtuous Woman” of a noir. The colors around her are warm and she is shown caring for Spike. There is an innocence and modestly about her as well.
Yet, when we finally do meet Julia, we get a different image. We know she is tied up with dangerous men, but is she herself a dangerous woman?
She is certainly capable of betrayal. 
Suddenly she is a bad-ass-gun-toting woman in leather and black, surrounded by hues of grey and dark blue. Intentional or not, Julia is a major part of what lures Spike back into the past and ultimately to his death. In this case, Julia is the femme fatale of Spike’s story and thus, their relationship is doomed from the start.
Faye, on the other hand, is portrayed in somewhat of a contrast. When we first meet her, she is the clear cut femme fatale, appearing cunning, strong willed and seductive. However, we soon find that she has quite a bit of kindness and naivety hidden behind her facade. She uses the former tactics as a way of emotional (and probably physical) protection. Gren points this out in his conversation with her. 
Gren, 
“You’re just afraid they’d abandon you so you abandoned them. You distanced yourself from the whole thing.”
As the show progresses, we start to see less of her “femme fatale nature” and something more genuine. Think about it, between Hard Luck Woman and RFB Part 2 we don’t see much of Faye as her typical conniving or unreliable self, aside from changing the course of the Bebop maybe. Sure she takes off, but it isn’t at all for the same reasons she did in Jupiter Jazz or Speak Like a Child, for example. 
I would argue we actually see her more trustworthy and caring than ever. Since I don’t want to spend too much time talking about Faye’s character development (not here at least) I’ll give one example of this. 
When she returns to the Bebop after her encounter with Julia in RFB Part 1, she gives Spike the message, even though the outcome might hurt her (i.e. he leaves and/or dies). While she does first say “It’s gonna cost you,” she doesn’t really mean it because she tells him without hesitation only moments later.
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This isn’t to say Faye good, Julia bad. Both women have their layers and even though we know way more about Faye, I don’t get the impression that Julia is selfish and cunning like Kathie was. But I do get the feeling she was enclosed in a world of crime and betrayal the way Kathie was. We really only know the basics of Spike and Julia’s situation. Who knows the details like motive or how long it lasted etc. etc. We can only speculate...
There is a scene towards the end of Out Of The Past, where Kathie tells Jeff to go away with her. This time it is her asking him, just like Julia asks Spike. During this she mentions,
“I never told you I was anything but what I am, you just wanted to imagine I was. That’s why I left you.”
This got me thinking...did Spike imagine Julia as something she wasn’t? Or something he wanted her to be that she just couldn’t be? 
It could explain why we get such contrasted images of her.
There are themes of this “dreamlike” relationship between Jeff and Kathie, similar to Spike and Julia’s “It was all a dream.”
The two of them were going to “live and be free,” probably something neither of them knew how to do and most likely wouldn’t have been able to get away with.
When Jet asks Spike if he can just forget the past, this is his answer.
Spike,
“There was a woman. For the first time in my life I saw a woman that was truly alive. At least that’s what I thought. She was the part of me I had lost, that part that was missing, that I had been longing for.”
I always wondered about this, because Spike is clearly talking about Julia, but right after is when Faye shows up. To me, that spoke volumes...
Faye is a woman who is terribly human and terribly alive.
Going back to Faye and Ann, I find their similarities shine not so much in the “Virtuous Woman,” concept, but rather in Ann’s dedication to Jeff and her optimism for the future. She is also the last person to talk to Jeff before he leaves for the final time, as if he were being presented with one last alternative. Spike spends his last moments with Faye as well, in which she basically begs him not to go and keep him in the present that she has now discovered for herself. She may be stuck, but she is definitely someone that yearns for human connection, love, and life.
The problem is, Spike and Faye are both set in opposite directions. Her’s leads to a future and Spike knows this because he points it out early on (My Funny Valentine). He also knows, his most likely does not. He has already dug himself too deep into this hole, if you will, that there is really no turning back. 
But let’s say none of that was an issue? What could be?
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I sat and watched this movie (Out of the Past) with my mom. She didn’t know anything about it and didn’t know why I was watching it. I wanted her genuine reaction. The whole time she was getting mad at Jeff until the very end. I asked her why and she said that she wanted him to be able to live happily with Ann. I explained to her why he had to do what he did. She understood this, but still couldn’t help but be sad at how things turned out for him, when they could have been good.
Even though Kathie and Jeff are the “lovers,” of this movie, you don’t really want them to end up together. Forget that Kathie has a devious nature, regardless, you know where it has to end and you don’t want to see your hero die.
Like Kathie, Julia symbolizes Spike’s inevitable doom and Like Ann, Faye symbolizes his possible future. 
“I’ll be with you till the end”
                           “You’re the one still tied to the past Spike!”
                                                               “Why do you have to go? Where are you going? What are you gonna do, just throw your life away like it was nothing?!”
It’s two sides of a sad coin...
We want Spike to have a future and because we love the characters of the show, it would be really great if he could have it with them, but that is where the tragedy is. It's only an idea we can think about, a possibility presented to us as it was to Jeff and Spike before their deaths.
The bottom line is, when it comes to Spike and Faye you are really only given a taste. You are not given what you expect to see, which is why I say this ship is driven by what could be. As it is with most of the character relationships in the show, no major breakthroughs are made until the very end, when it's too late. Then it just feels like such wasted potential, but sometimes in life, that's how it is. And thus, we have been given a very classic noir here ladies and gentlemen!
So no, I don’t think people miss the mark when they ship Spike and Faye, nor do I find they invalidate the show by any means. I kind of like that Watanabe switched it up and didn’t do the expected, but left us those subtle hints. He didn’t outright give Spike another lover, but he gave us someone that represents what he could have. Kind of does that with the crew as a whole too!
UGH. I love-hate this show and I love this pairing! Thank you for reading my thoughts and I know this may not be the case or reasoning for everyone, but just based on what I have seen around the community and where this show draws inspiration, this is what I have concluded. I didn’t get into Spike and Faye’s feelings for each other because it gets a little more theoretical there, but I would like to do a post on my thoughts on that as well sometime. I also didn’t touch too much on Spike’s reasoning for choosing to face Vicious in the end, just because I know that will only lead into a whole other analysis lol. But you know I have my thoughts on that and certainly plan to share them 😎 Also, I know I basically spoiled it, but Out of the Past is such a great movie!! I think if you’re a fan of this show it's definitely worth a watch! There are so many more parallels to Cowboy Bebop that I didn’t even mention. Anyways, thanks again and talk to you soon!
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medusinestories · 3 years ago
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Onwards to the episode in which we get to see Flint and Silver each having a very bad day (as well as two literal dicks that nobody had asked to see).
Black Sails VII (s1 ep07)
- We open on Pastor Lambrick's sweaty face as he intensely rehearses the Easter sermon and he’s obviously eaten up by what he did with Miranda. His sermon, unsurprisingly, focuses on sin, keeping sin hidden, and the hell that awaits the sinner. Which leads us nicely onto Flint, who’s distracted (by his own sin? by thoughts of Miranda? both?) during a meeting with Eleanor. Eleanor is pissed that Miranda let Richard Guthrie send a message to the Andromache and then waltz into town to close up his business; Flint tries to take the heat off Miranda, once again protecting her (at this point, he may not know the contents of the letter).
- During this meeting, Flint is startled when Silver first speaks up to say that the mob in the street was bad - clearly Silver is a sort of intruder in this meeting. But Eleanor, after Silver reminds her by unsubtly clearing his throat, tells Flint that he’s not to harm Silver because he was instrumental in setting up the Consortium. Silver looks so pleased with himself in these scenes, and Flint quite defeated when he tells Silver to follow him back to their camp. I love it.
- To parallel Flint/Miranda’s Sulky Sex scene from ep4, we have Anne/Rackham’s frustrating/disconnected sex scene. It shows us a few things about them mainly that Anne wants to keep a lot of control over what happens, hence Rackham being tied up (though of course this might also be his kink), her wearing a shirt that covers up most of her body, and the reverse cowgirl position that means that she’s both in control of what happens and completely avoids eye contact. The position reminds us of the Flint/Miranda scene, where Miranda was also on top, but their scene involved more eye contact (yes glaring counts, he’s still intensely focused on Miranda), gentle touching (on Miranda’s side) and her being naked and open to him. Another parallel is that both Flint and Rackham aren’t in the right frame of mind for sex, Flint being angry and Rackham lost in a sea of worries (and probably also somewhat angry/disappointed at Anne for forcing him into the plot to kill their crewmates). The difference between Flint and Rackham is that while Flint doesn’t seem to have any trouble performing, Rackham is miles away and doesn’t even notice that he’s lost his erection - again. Anne is frustrated by this, and apparently knows him well enough that she offers to put something up his arse, but he’s clearly not in the mood, and she leaves in a huff, abandoning him all tied up as a sort of revenge for his performance problems. Whatever the problem is between them isn’t put into words (because Anne can’t yet, for starters), unlike the one between Flint and Miranda. The intimacy between Rackham and Anne, so often described as close partners, seems much more distant to me than the one shown between Flint and Miranda. I’m not sure whether it’s because of anyone’s sexual orientation, or just the fact that they’re fucking but they’ve never discussed the big important things, such as Anne’s identity/feelings/etc.
- In this episode, Dufresne gains a lot of power: with a freshly (and badly) shaved head and a new tattoo, he’s been promoted to Quartermaster on the Walrus in Billy’s place. And very quickly he has a problem to deal with: Randall revealing that Silver stole the page. Gates had actually already told this to Dufresne, as is revealed at the end of the episode, which might explain why Dufresne is relatively calm during the whole conversation, while DeGroot wants Silver and Flint hanged and Howell is surprisingly ruthless: he brings up the idea that it may be better to kill off Randall in order to get to the treasure, if they can’t make sure he’ll keep quiet about Silver being the thief. Dufresne is actually quite kind towards Silver in the scene where he puts Silver’s memory to the test - a test that could result in his death if he fails it and that Silver constantly grumbles against (I love his grumbling!). Basically, at this point Dufresne remains quite a sympathetic character, which will change a lot as the show goes on, especially after Jannes Eiselen had to leave the show (such a sad story, RIP Jannes).
- In the meantime, the Flint and Gates relationship is crumbling. It's sad to see, especially since they're shown sharing chuckles as they talk about Dufresne's appointment in the beginning of the episode. But then Gates brings up the subject of Miranda and demands explanations about the letter Billy found. We're not shown exactly what Flint answers, but it's clear that he's actually trying his best to give him an explanation without incriminating Miranda too badly. The sad thing is that Flint is actually telling the truth: he actually wasn't involved in any betrayal of his crew and and can only guess at Miranda's motivations. But the fact that he's lied time and again in previous situations, including on the Maria Aleyne where he claimed Lord Alfred drew a weapon on him (and Gates secretly verified that this was a lie), and used men as pawns to advance his and Miranda's plans, is now catching up to him. Flint seems truly hurt when Gates accuses him of using the men for his own purposes, and turns spiteful, telling Gates that he should have been "a better father" to Billy and helped him "understand the world he was living in" (suggesting that such a forthright character as Billy can't really survive in a world of pirates who are all ready to stab each other in the back). After that slap in the face, Gates says he's exhausted from Flint and threatens to take it to the crew. Somehow, this pushes Flint to bare all: he tells Gates about his plan to keep a part of the treasure and use it to build up Nassau, depicting himself as a sort of saviour, doing it for the men's good: they'd rather be rich men in a safe place than dead thieves hanging from a noose. Gates sees this as delusions of grandeur, and tells him that while he'll see the Urca plot through, after that they're done. I actually think he sees Flint’s point, since he doesn’t just throw him to the crew, but won’t admit that out loud. The whole of this scene hurts bad, because you can tell that Flint is desperate and sad to be losing his closest ally and friend, and that Gates is hurting from the loss of Billy and exhausted from the toxic relationship he has with Flint, where he's played enabler to his manipulations for years.
- While Flint and Gates’ alliance is breaking, Silver has to forge one with Randall or die. Randall finds out in the beginning of the episode that he’s been voted out of the crew. This is apparently due to DeGroot’s fears that Randall could be a fire hazard, which the crew took disproportionately to heart. Randall is furious with Silver, who smugly tells him that in these situations, a setback often comes with a new or unexpected opportunity. He’s right, but at this point he doesn’t know that he is the opportunity Randall’s going to latch on. Randall reveals that Silver is a thief, and Silver denies it, saying that Randall is both a halfwit and was in a haze of opium when he heard what he thought he heard; he even tries to convince Randall that he was mistaken (this, my friends, is gaslighting). However, by revealing that Silver was the thief, Randall sets a chain of events into motion which could either end with his death (if Howell has his way, since Randall is an inconvenient witness) or Silver’s (if DeGroot tips the balance, not trusting Silver to remember the coordinates and not wanting to sacrifice Randall for nothing). Silver figures out that these are the outcomes, and tries to talk sense into Randall by making a deal with him: he’ll care for Randall and make sure he can stay on the ship. But it’s only when Silver finally admits that he is the thief and that Randall was right, that Randall accepts the deal. Later, Silver realises that Randall might have orchestrated the whole thing: he’s now got Silver to serve him, doesn’t have to take any risks on the ship, and gets to remain with the crew. Silver wonders if Randall is a genius rather than a halfwit (a word thrown about a lot to describe him). And it seems quite obvious, considering what happened, that Randall still has strong survival skills (an amputee with impaired cognitive skills doesn’t stand a chance of survival outside a crew and he must be aware of it), that he still has a good memory and an ability to pick out useful information and that he’s aware enough of what’s going on to be upset by the crew’s rejection and Silver’s attempt to gaslight him. I think it’s important to recognise that Randall is more than a comic relief or a grotesque character: he’s a disabled man who's lost parts of his cognitive ability and is struggling to survive.
- This episode focuses on Vane facing his past. He seeks out the island where he grew up and its master, Albinus. I’d forgotten or never really registered that Albinus was a pirate and that the men who work for him were mostly his crew - and likely slaves (or children, hence Vane?) that he managed to capture/press into service. He’s retired from pirating and set up a system where his men cut down trees for timber all day, without wages. It’s not clear exactly how he holds so much power over these men, although it seems that everyone is terrified of him. He’s extremely strong physically, seems shrewd, speaks rather well, and his tattoos suggest that maybe he’s involved in some kind of ritual (truly religious or just for show?) which would make him all the more scary to superstitious people. Vane is clearly still frightened: he barely makes eye contact and practically stutters when he first tries to make the deal with Albinus, which is that he’ll take some of Albinus’ men as crew and send Albinus part of their earnings as tribute. It says a lot about Albinus that Vane, after years of having run away, is still so scares that he’s willing to pay him a tribute. But he changes his mind as he stares at a boy bearing the same brand as he does: he tries to persuade the men that Nassau is a pace of pleasures rather than hard labour, and confronts Albinus. The fight is brutal and ends with Vane buried naked, just after Albinus tells him that he’s proud of him. But of course Vane wouldn’t be Vane if he didn’t rise from the dead at the last minute and kill Albinus, goaded on by his inner Eleanor voice.
- In the meantime, Mr Scott returns to Eleanor, apologising for what he did, telling her he betrayed her out of love. However he also reminds her of his slave status: technically, he belongs to her. The argument upsets her, and he quite cleverly uses this moment to ask her to free the slaves who were on the Andromache. And it works: by the end of the episode, she’s made arrangements for the men to work on ships and has bought the women’s freedom and found them jobs in her tavern. But Mr Scott has still decided to leave Eleanor to join Hornigold’s crew, to refrain from meddling with Eleanor’s affairs, since he disagrees with her so strongly re: the Urca. Hornigold approached him earlier in the episode, and the introduction to that scene is quite interesting: Hornigold says to Mr Scott “I’ll need to know your secret” and Mr Scott looks startled and frightened. It seems that he’s startled because he’d been giving food to the slaves, but in light of S3, it could be a much greater secret that’s being referred to. Mr Scott is relieved when he realises that Hornigold is simply talking about tolerating Eleanor, who he clearly can’t stand.
- Flint’s bad day continues, of course, with the big confrontation he has with Miranda. He’s furious about the letter (of which he now knows the contents thanks to Gates), telling her that it could have got him killed, or destroyed the plans they’d made and asking her whether she was trying to embarrass him. This sounds so weirdly petty, and yet it also sounds exactly like the kind of argument that would come up in a bickering couple. Miranda answers that she was trying to help him out of that life, because she wants to move on. This is where Miranda utters the famous “there is no life here, there is no joy here, there is no love here”. I noticed that, covered by Flint yelling at her, and distorted because her voice has gone very shrill, Miranda says another line, which sounds like “you used to love, then”. If that really is what she says, it’s extra-extra-extra heartbreaking to hear (if someone wants to check it for me, it’s around 35:40). It’s obvious that Flint and Miranda’s views on life are very different, and I can’t help but think back to the fact that, as a carpenter’s son from the country, Flint has had to struggle all his life to become who he is. So when he says that you can’t get a life without having a war, and Miranda tells him he’s wrong, she’s speaking entirely from the point of view of her privilege. She’s never needed to fight as hard as he has to be happy, because she got extremely lucky in marrying Thomas. And when she says that Thomas would agree with her, I’m certain she’s right. But life has never been like that for Flint, and there’s no way he’ll ever entirely agree with their point of view. Rewatching this scene is tough, btw, because they both have great points, they’re both hurting so much, and there’s so much to take in between the body language, the facial expressions, the tones of voice and the actual words that it’s a whole whirlwind. And it feels very, very real.
- It’s absolutely hilarious to see Rackham get robbed by the whores taking advantage of his lack of knowledge (and research). He should absolutely have done a better job and has no clue how to run a brothel. He’s lucky Max takes things in hand after having heard from Idelle that the girls were taking advantage.
- Then we have the beautiful Drunk Flint scene. Eleanor notices him feeling very sorry for himself after Gates has pretty much broken up with him and he’s still reeling from fighting with by Miranda. I think Flint feels very misunderstood here. He thought that he was doing something good, to save Nassau and avenge Thomas, and doesn’t understand why they can’t see it, why they only see the terrible methods he uses to reach his goals. So he’s full of doubt, clearly wondering if he’s the villain of the story, and puts the question to Eleanor: is their plan worth it? Eleanor is the only person who still believes in him, which leads us to the only scene that I would ever call straight-baiting. Flint hovers near Eleanor, breathing heavily, and a variety of emotions play over her face during this moment of tension, as she seems to think this is leading to a kiss. It does, he gives her a chaste little forehead kiss and leaves. All the elements are in place to make your average viewer start shipping these two. I actually find it hilarious that the ship barely exists in the fandom (though I wasn’t there in the beginning of the fandom and I guess the viewership changed a lot between S1 and S4).
- The scene with Flint and Gates glaring at each other from their respective ships and Parson’s Farewell playing in the background... epic! We know this is the beginning of a big struggle between them, especially since we find out that Gates has pretty much decided that he’ll hand Flint over to the crew once they get the money. But nnnnggh that scene! The ships leaving on their hunt! Awesome and heartbreaking!
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subiysu-chan · 2 years ago
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what do you think is the love language of Jean Baptiste and Subyss or what do they do to be affectionate? they are so complex and i really want to write more about them especially subyss but this interpersonal stuff is so complex!
It's hard to really tell, since neither are nice, affectionate people. Subyss is touchy, but that's more of his general theatricallity rather than genuine affection. Jean-Baptiste is...complicated.
With his mother, he basically allows Anne-Marthe to use him as a puppet.
With Jeanne Berger...Geez, this relationship is also toxic. This man can't even confess to his wife he has basic humanity. Which is consistent with current behavior of modern-day torturers exaggerated to the maximum...Just, like, eww! However, he does spend time to sexually please her, which makes me think that even if he uses her as a puppet for his and his mother's obscure dynastic ambitions, he at least takes care to make the process pleasurable.
With his children...He most of the time acts like a normal parent, even in quite extreme circonstances, imposing somewhat healthy limits. He's cold and stern, but that was the norm of the time, and he does care for them, to a certain degree. The only exception seems to be Charles, who is actively rebelling against him and has took up the values and mannerisms of an outsider.
As a friend, Jean-Baptiste is warm, trusting and somewhat gullible, but would also see his friends as somewhat disposable over family.
So yeah, Jean-Baptiste, in his love language...He's generally cold and distant, unless he's in trouble or the object of his affection is unconscious (like we see him around Charles), and he'll be tough and reliable for them. However, if the object of his affection is unconscious (asleep, fainting or tortured silly), he would talk sweet nothings into their ears, and be a lot warmer...Of course, they would never know that. Only with his mother would he cling.
Subyss. I don't think Subyss can love, he's too messed up for that. With a lover, he'll be quite cuddly, especially when he is drunk. However, since most of Subyss’ behavior seem to fall under histrionic personality disorder mixed with the controversially removed sadistic personality disorder, plus the fact he is torture-addled adrenaline addict who tries to cope with his adrenaline addiction with alcohol...Most of his “love”, even if he does seem capable of empathy (more like a dark empath), is some sick form of perversion that would only serve his adrenaline addiction. 
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