#and her friends who are girls are all deeply boring or also written in a misogynistic way

[allwormdiet]

Worm Cast Impressions (Arcs 1 to 7)

Easy money says some of these characters are about to fucking die so I'm pausing now to jot down my impressions of everybody who's managed to make an impact (and one or two characters whose lack of impact is kind of impressive)

Undersiders

Taylor Hebert: Character of all time. Simultaneously sanest and least sane person in the entire universe. Deeply concerned about keeping hold of her moral core, constantly innovating in ways to inflict violence on her enemies real and imagined. Has never fully finished thinking her actions through once in her entire life, people keep thinking she's the most cautious girl they know. Her first kiss was partly because she liked the boy and partly because she wanted to piss off her bully. I am cheering for her more often than not and I am so scared of what this story is going to do to her.

Brian Laborn: I want to study him in a lab. Team leader entirely by default, as near as I can tell. Hates using violence as a means of control, really good at using violence as a means of control, seems to default to using violence as a means of control when he's upset. I don't think he's normal about women. Desperately trying to be so so so boring, thinks he's perfectly rational even though he is just as unhinged as his teammates, I suspect that he has built a mental prison with twenty layers of protection around all thoughts that would suggest he is anything other than Normal and Strong and Reliable. Maybe turned on by efficient displays of violence?

Lisa Wilbourn: She is so charming and I am so scared of what's actually going on in her head. I think Taylor's best friend but definitely her biggest enabler. Stop lying and let me know what is going on in your head, I know more about Alec and Rachel than I know about you. Concerned that she's only nominally concerned about Coil being a heinous fucker. Desperately hoping the air can be cleared so I stop worrying about whether she's going to destroy Taylor or something. She has to know Taylor is a wannabe hero.

Alec: The fact that he's really only done one thing that I consider morally in the wrong is kind of incredible when looking at the fact that he's a recovering sex cult enforcer who started living something approaching a normal human life as a homeless preteen. He's had three years to jury rig a sense of humanity and morality mostly on his own and the end result is a selfish lazy jerk, and yet the fact that this is what he's managed to come up with on his own is, without sarcasm, worthy of a fucking prize. He's actually really good at this all things considered. Actually a little bummed that he didn't oppose Coil for the whole Dinah creepfest.

Rachel Lindt: Rachel Lindt is maybe the best character so far. Autistic dog girl who only tolerates human society so she can better feed and care for her animals. I'd say something like "I'd kill for her" but there's no way I could do that any better than her dogs and she'd call me stupid. Only thing against her at this point is the slur usage, which is rough to deal with, but I suspect part of that is just being written in 2011.

Loved Ones

Danny Hebert: You sad bastard. Please survive long enough to reconcile with your daughter. I know he can't provide any material support for the problems his daughter has been dealing with, that the bullies are too well-protected and there's basically nothing that he can do about parahuman shit, but I wish she would allow him to be there for her. Maybe he'd be uncool about it, sure, but maybe not. Makes me sad to think about.

Aisha Laborn: This girl is in dire need of someone to have her back and also, like, pay attention to her; Brian is the closest one to actually doing it but I don't think his best efforts are enough. I know she's gonna be an Undersider in the future so hopefully I get to have a more thorough impression of her, and one that's not marred by the fucking Mercedes metaphor, Jesus Christ that was a rough passage to get through.

Protectorate

Armsmaster: I'd probably like him more if he wasn't so up his own ass about being in charge and earning glory. My suspicion is that he's basically a good guy with some bad habits that nobody can check him on, which has spiraled out of control. Might unironically consider a teenage criminal his nemesis, which is funny but not a great sign of his priorities.

Miss Militia: My prior complaints about her possibly inappropriate response to holding Regent hostage are entirely subsumed by the fact that the last twenty-six years of her life have been lived on terms set by the Protectorate. She was nearly devoured by the machinery of empire and now she's become a component of empire that feeds upon others, and she hasn't even realized it. She never had a goddamn chance.

Velocity: Nothing to really say about him, except there has to have been a way to design his costume so that a teenager with unaugmented strength couldn't take him out with a single blow to the testicles.

Assault and Battery: The name theming feels a bit weird (what, if they got a third would their name be Coercion?) but whatever. I like the idea of a duo with complementary powers, I guess, but there's not really much else here.

Dragon: On the one hand she's in charge of the Birdcage and is friends with Armsmaster, but on the other hand she clearly hates the Birdcage for what it's made her complicit in, and maybe Armsmaster is good to have as a friend. Jury's out, unlike on Canary.

Wards

Gallant: The best way I can think to describe this guy is "blandly nice." It's like if "inoffensive" could be a personality trait. Glory Girl could do better than him, probably, but to be fair she could also do a lot worse.

Clockblocker: I think he's the funny one? Or at least the deliberately unserious one, which is the same thing. The first character confirmed to have developed entomophobia as a result of Skitter, probably not the last. Stopped a bomb from destroying the East Coast which feels like it should get more attention.

Vista: World's most powerful thirteen-year-old. Who deployed her to stop that bomb and fight those Nazis. I want names.

Kid Win: No sense of proportion on this kid, my god. Shooting a laser cannon meant to deal with threats that are theoretically rated higher than Lung into a bank filled with hostages? He's lucky nobody died.

Shadow Stalker: What the actual fuck is going on with her. Who hunts other human beings with broadhead arrows? That's for making someone bleed to death. If she was doing it to the fucking Nazis then that'd be fine, but no, it's Grue and Taylor we've either seen or heard about her getting rough with. Either the Protectorate knows she's a maniac and is letting it rock until she gets herself caught, or else they don't realize what she's doing in which case someone is not doing their job.

Browbeat: Absolute nonentity, to the point it's almost distracting. The description of the bank fight suggests he lost to Regent, which I think means that Regent got close enough to a guy with super strength to knock him out with a taser and didn't get his block knocked off. No wonder the Protectorate wants to trade him out, dude's got nothing going on.

PRT

Director Piggot: I don't like the organization she works for, because the vibes beyond the city level feel rancid, but for Piggot I mostly just sympathize with her. She's trying to corral a bunch of teenagers and adults, who all have some kind of horrific trauma shaping them and also giving them powers that are baseline as dangerous as a fucking gun, into something resembling a fully effective government agency, with no signs of support from the other cities or the higher-ups despite the fact that the literal fucking Nazis have her heroes outnumbered and have apparently had it that way for decades. Let this woman take a vacation or something.

New Wave

Glory Girl: Absolute nerd who seems to love being a superhero, and also making Nazis ragdoll in her spare time. I'd love to end it there, but unfortunately she's got some bad habits; girl desperately needs to kill the cop in her brain and get her impulsiveness under control, the fact that she ragdolled the Nazi on accident and threatened to pull favors in the judicial system to send a first-time offender (and Tattletale) into the Birdcage don't reflect great on her ability to keep a lock on things in high-stress situations.

Panacea: Pathetic girl who is clearly sitting on a pressure cooker of issues. I know what those all are but I'm not going to comment on any of it until we're actually there. For now it's mostly just a pity thing.

Azn Bad Boys

Lung: I was harsh on his characterization at first but I'll admit with time and context I'm not nearly as quick about that. He definitely still sucks, the guy literally murders his lieutenant as a matter of bruised pride and making his life more convenient. Also still cannot shake the feeling that he was basically idling in Brockton Bay for most of his career with the kind of power he has on tap.

Bakuda: She's a monster, but that also kind of oversimplifies things. She's clever, arrogant, grandstanding, and gleefully violent, even as she has the capacity to admire the architecture that another Tinker has crafted and to treat Lung as something resembling a friend. I don't think there's a world where she triggers and is, like, a good person, but I think this was one of the worse lives she could have wound up living. Also, y'know, she's dead.

Empire Eighty-Eight

Kaiser: Rancid smug piece of Nazi shit. Stupid too btw, why are you bothering with street-level robberies and extortion when you own a fucking pharmaceutical corporation? Why are you fighting out in the streets and meeting with other Nazi capes when you could be acting through proxies and bankrolling far-right parahuman cells across the country? Like I'm glad he isn't smart enough to think like that but fuck me.

Purity: Like, actually for real dumb as a bag of hammers. Kaiser barely has to try to wrap her back around his finger and she divorced him; Tattletale barely has to try to get her to back down and she thinks Tattletale exposed her identity to the public. Truly nothing in that skull of hers.

Hookwolf: Nazi capes fuck off

Stormtiger: Nazi capes fuck off

Cricket: Nazi capes fuck off

Rune: Nazi capes fuck off

Night: Nazi capes fuck off

Fog: Nazi capes fuck off

Wait does Coil's gang genuinely not have a name

Coil: Everything about this guy just pisses me the fuck off honestly. He presents himself as some kind of lesser evil, a firm but gentle hand that can guide all facets of the city to a brighter future, but he doesn't have the intelligence or vision to back any of it up; he displays nothing but brute force manipulation tactics involving bribery and blackmail, he's tunnel-visioned and cruel to the point that it ruins his own long-term plans, and before I forget everything about his thing with Dinah gives me fucking hives and I want to beat his skull in with my bare hands. I hope Taylor gets to kill him. Oh, or maybe Dinah.

Nameless sniper: Actively cooler and more competent than Coil.

Travelers

Trickster: genuinely cannot trust a man wearing a top hat in the year 2011, not even as a bit

Sundancer: what the fuck went so wrong with your life that your power is The Fucking Sun

Faultline and Co.

Faultline: Ironically not a super strong read off of her in terms of personality. Seems generally pretty cool going off of how she interacts with and leads her team. Very funny that she has a rivalry with Tattletale.

Newter: Little worried that he's selling his body secretions as a drug to other teenagers but if a parahuman only has one red flag that's pretty good actually

Gregor the Snail: This dude rocks, actually, love the vibes he gives off. Shame that people hate him for being fat and a mutant.

Labyrinth: Would like to see more of her when she's back in reality, otherwise not much to go off of. Cool power.

Other Parahumans

Scion: Fucking creepy

Marquis: probably Panacea's dad, calling that shot.

Paige McAbee: Justice For Paige McAbee.

Dinah Alcott: not really a character yet so much as a particularly horrifying MacGuffin but Jesus Christ what an awful fate

Uber and Leet: Gamers should be more oppressed. Also they beat the shit out of sex workers on a livestream and aren't considered serious enough threats to be consigned to the Birdcage, which feels pretty bad.

Heartbreaker: Haven't even met this guy and he sounds fucking awful. Please god somebody take him down.

Normal Humans

Emma Barnes: I need to understand what's wrong with her. Something happened that gave her the temperament and skillset of a CIA torture technician before freshman year of high school and she turned that onto her best friend for reasons totally unbeknownst to us.

Sophia Hess: I don't know I feel that the one bully who does the most physical harm and acts the most aggressive is the black one. Pretty bad I think. She's also clearly got something going on in her head but tbh that feels like it's going to be more straightforward than whatever is wrong with Emma.

Madison Clements: I feel like she's just here so that Taylor could be bullied without overusing the other two. What's your stake in this? Why do you give a shit? Does it matter? Probably not.

Mr. Gladly: I hated every teacher I ever knew who acted like this and I hate him even more for being utterly useless in protecting a student from blatant harassment. Fuck off.

[danisbrainrot]

yellowjackets as taylor swift albums (I'm bored). this became deeper than I meant for it to go OMG. whoops, anyways, enjoy:

1. tai: reputation. oh my god this girl is soooo in love with van, and at the end of the day, that's what reputation is. a love album. yeah it's got a little revenge in it, but overall, it's about being in love with someone who was there for you at your most vulnerable. and who's always been there for tai, adult AND teen timeline? VAN!

2. van: 1989! it's nostalgic, fun, iconic but still has the emotional rawness that flows throughout all of taylor's albums. everyone thinks 1989 is just heaps of fun, but it has this emotional intensity to it that once you look closer to it, you realise how much of a masterpiece it is. also, it just gives me van vibes tbh.

3. jackie: lover. she's so insecure about being in a relationship with who she thinks is the love of her life (shauna) in case she fucks it up (spoiler alert, she does). taylor also wrote this album as a last hurrah, to prove she had more stories to tell, and I think that ties in nicely to jackie's character. her insecurity forces her to try and prove herself to shauna, and show her best friend how much she loves her.

4. shauna: she's a red girlie. taylor's most emotionally raw album (besides ttpd) and she just gives the vibes. this is taylor's first heartbreak album (like how jackie's death was shauna's first heartbreak), and it's so intense that it takes a few listens to understand, but once you do, you realise it's an album about a girl with big heart learning how to recover from the devastation of losing someone she loves deeply.

5. lottie: folklore!! I love my little baby. this album was written in isolation, and you can definitely hear it in some of taylor's lyrics, and I just feel like that's lottie's character. the isolated girl who's held up to a higher standard than everyone else.

6. nat: ttpd. okay, i was tossing up between giving this to nat or travis, but then I remembered the adult timeline and went with nat. when I first heard this album, it reminded me of her purposeless speech. it's also an album where taylor was going through a manic phase, and if that isn't nat, I don't know what is. she's just lost the love of her life, and then she's kidnapped by lottie's cult and promised so many wonderful things, that she believes it—only for it to end in tragedy.

7. misty: she gives off such speak now vibes. she has so much she wants to prove, and she's reeling from being in love with a man much older than her.

8. travis: evermore. he's such a tragic little guy, that the album suits him. I really just think of happiness, marjorie and right where you left me because he's stuck in the past. he literally kills himself (accidentally I know, I know) because he's so trapped in the wilderness despite being free from it. this album has always given me: depressed sad, compared to its sister albume: folklore, which gives me angry sad. and while he's definitely more angry then lottie, he's got this deep sadness in him that echoes evermore.

9. mari: midnights. okay I don't know how to explain it better than this is how I interpret mari. she's the first to throw herself into believing lottie because she's scared and when I think of midnights, I think of how scared taylor was at losing her relationship and joe that she ignores her feelings. and mari ignores her feelings because if she really thinks about it, I don't think she'd be able to handle herself, i.e. being trapped in the woods, eating jackie.

10. javi: taylor swift (debut). just the innocence and naïvety of the album. it's her first album, she wrote and released at 15/16 so there's a lot of childish beliefs and hopes, which I think javi has—but there's still an underlying feeling of heartbreak. he tries to be a kid, but is still traumatised.

11. laura lee: fearless!! this is purely based on the album title. I mean, learning to fly a plane just to save her friends? this album is probably my least favourite, so you're not going to get a lot of analysis, but the few times I've listened to it, I understand it's about having faith things will work out (this might be wrong, but that's what I'm choosing to believe about it). and her faith makes her believe she can do anything, including save her friends. omg I love her so much <333

[olderthannetfic]

Nothing turns me off from a fanfic faster than a fear of emotional sincerity. There's so much irony, so many jokes, so many "ugh that was awkward" "I know right" after scenes that could have been touching had they not just been undermined, and a thorough coating of snark and sarcasm over an alarming number of protagonists. My fandom lends itself well to OCs and I've read some wonderful, one of a kind OCs as a result. I've also read a lot of the above, whatever you'd like to term that sort of story. I find it deeply uninspiring. How am I meant to be interested in a story when the author isn't? How am I supposed to get deeply invested in this thing when we have to punctuate everything with quips? Sometimes I just want a story where not everyone feels like they're saying lines for the movie trailers and memes these fics will never actually get.

There's so much potential out there in the setting for all kinds of characters. I shouldn't be able to take quotes from all of these OCs in all these different roles and have them read in that same irreverent, I-am-quipping-in-the-war-zone tone to such a degree that any line could come from all of them.

And when I mentioned this to a friend they assumed that meant I wanted boring heroes. No. Too much of anything makes that the boring, predictable thing. I want weird. Give me a very sincere hero who is also mildly out of touch with reality and talks to bugs but whose pacifism will not extend to you if you touch his loved ones. Give me a hot grandpa who's too old for snarky shit and wants to hash things out like an adult and relearns how to see the world with wonder in his eyes. Give me a heroine who's neurodivergent and nice and also really good at a handful of things that bring her actual joy instead of snarky cool girl semi-joy. Just. Any break from the latest brunette white cis culturally Christian atheist snarky cool person who always has a line at the ready and doesn't let anything get under their skin no matter how much it would be really weird for it to not matter to them, actually and how completely understandable it would be to let them feel something.

A scene that lives rent free in my head is from a fanfic now deleted, but in which two characters just talk about their trauma and have a quiet moment. The canon character is comforted by the OC without any romantic undertones or intent. Nobody makes any jokes to break the tension. They just have a moment where one person leans on someone else because sometimes life is fucking hard and you just need someone else to tell you they've been there, they managed, you're not alone, they've got you.

Most fics in my fandom don't have that much sincerity in the entire story. And this thing I loved, this fandom I invested six years into, is finally just too dull of a sandbox to play in anymore. I don't like that. Nobody's taking any risks, even one as minor as emotional sincerity in fiction, which is arguably a lot safer a place to do that than reality.

I miss when my fandom was new and the OCs were some of the most baffling people you've ever had described to you with nonetheless well-written backstories going out to do shit they believed in.

--

Sincerity is terrifying for an author.

[sakitenmaenjoyer]

4 the fic ask thing if u want to share info on any or all of them I would clap and cheer

fuck yeah

emunene little mermaid au: ive talked about this like once, but it's basically what it sounds like. emu is a princess; nene is a mermaid

plot stuff, emu goes on a ship, emu is saved by nene when her ship goes down, and she's very !!!! when she realizes that nene is the one with the singing voice she'd been hearing right after her grandpa died. unfortunately she is half delirious when she's saved and doesn't remember how nene looks. emu vows to look for the beautiful lady with the beautiful voice....

ruinene and emukasa would be the platonic pairings in the fic. i considered having tsukasa be emu's fiance? if only to parallel the original story. nene won't stab tsukasa. probably. but she does find him deeply annoying at first. he and emu might be close enough to consider a marriage of convenience...still havent figured that part out yet. nene gets less annoyed by tsukasa when she sees why he's emu's friend

rui is the sea witch, and he helps nene become temporarily human.

i dont have any of it fleshed out but i want to do something with the idea so bad. emu dragging nene to see the sights of the human world and to socialize.......nene being emu's company for longer than either knew. nene realizing the value of her voice when it's gone....she thought being silent wouldn't be any different from normal, but emu made her want to talk, and to sing, to yell and laugh. she wants to have an our happy ending moment with emu but she can't

rui angst fic/TtSaB/Working Title: "When faced with the unthinkable, Rui struggles to navigate old feelings and new fears. Fortunately, he has his friends by his side... it's just a matter of letting them in."

this is a fic ive been chipping at had since curtain call came to en LMAO. i asked 'hey can i have curtain call rui please please please ill write and post that fic idea i have' and rui came home in a single pull. so im legally bound to write and post it eventually. here's some of the scenes ive done

actual dogshit writing lmao. but yeah this fic is more serious than any of my other prsk ideas. i wanted rui to have at least one important scene with each wxs member, because their friendship is at the core of this. also wanted to include the vocaloids bc it's not project sekai without them....even if the idea of talking about your personal problems to hatsune miku is. well.

the plot and title is under wraps for the time being, but here's my notes on how i want to characterize rui

the fic should be 8 chapters. It's teetering between a Teen Rating and a Mature Rating, but I should probably write the rest before deciding anything...

other:

whenever im bored, i format unwritten fic ideas into stories on ao3. ive written absolutely almost nothing for either of these, but it's nice to imagine i have lmao

But I'm Still Here: Saki goes invisible, and everyone around her proceeds to freak out as they search for the 'missing' girl. includes tsukasa ping ponging between 'we'll find her, we have to' and 'it's so fucking over', leo/need trkes and failing not to fall into depression, and saki feeling guilty that Everyone's lives are put on hold for her. the original idea was set before they debut, but maybe it should be after (so toya would have surpassed rad weekend already lmao).

everyone who adores saki makes themselves sick with worry. especially since it lasts about a week. tsukasa has not been that anxious in his fucking life. he's coping...fine. he's doesn't throw himself down while wailing at least. and he doesnt vomit from stress (preventing both takes a lot of self control). leo/need try to be strong for each other, but they are all sad shivering dogs. shiho wants to punch to be useful but knows she can't do anything. ichika tries to stay hopeful, like saki would want. honami tries to be their calm leader...but theyre like, 16/17, so theyre all just anxious.

Phthonus: Rui is envious and sad the fic, rip bozo. it'd be an introspective fic. i'd want rui to subconsciously compare and contrast himself and bakuno, and come to the realization that tsukasa (romantically) likes the parts of bakuno that rui doesn't have (bakuno's timidness, his lack of confidence, his acting, his ability to not annoy tsukasa lmao). but he also has traits that rui does have (his passion for theatre, obsession with writing stories, talent above his age range, the ability to bounce ideas off of tsukasa)

tsukasa still loves rui, but he never saw him in a romantic light. if he ever did, then it's too late....tsukasa set his eyes on bakuno and went "i can fix him". and unfortunately, tsukasa isn't polyamorous. rui deals with the heartache every time he sees tsukasa, even though it hurts him. he loves him too much to ever look away

uhh other stuff without titles-

bakuno/tsukasa fic, maybe a kotaro/akito fic. they would be in a series about the npcs waxing poetic about the ocs. throw in some pairings like miyake & rui, otori siblings & emu, yukki and mizuki, nagi and an....but the first fic would be bakukasa because i like them a lot lmao

Another rui is jealous fic, but it ends in rks- bakuno and tsukasa sign up to be gay lovers in a short film and rui's clenches his teeth and tries not to mope over it. (he is the one that asked them to do it) he does not know why and thinks there's something wrong with the film/acting rather than himself. he's stupid. meanwhile tsukasa is slowly realizing he likes men bc of gay research he did... and while he thinks bakuno is cute, he's immediately hit in the face that he likes rui a Lot.

saki in mogami land fic- saki gets isekaid in a hell world where everyone hates her/doesn't know her. i cant decide yet. maybe both. tsukasa and her parents say mean shit to her, ichika avoids her, her favorite idol doesn't even know who she is. the ending is her going back to her normal world, where she proceeds to be crushed by tsukasa and her parents (she went missing for a week. tsukasa cries the hardest at her reappearance... though her parents aren't too far behind) this is another "i want to show saki how loved she is by taking it away from her" fic

ruikasa are fucking dumb fic - tsukasa confesses to rui, they get together, and then things go down hill because neither know how to act in a new relationship. tsukasa wants to be a good boyfriend, so he treats rui differently (in a way that bothers rui). he's probably sweet and nice and doting, which rui like, but it feels more like a role tsukasa wants to perfect. rui wants tsukasa to be himself. at the same time, rui also wants to be a good boyfriend, but becomes aware that he has no idea how to do that...so instead he subconsciously tests their relationship, wondering just how far he could push tsukasa to get him to go back to "normal". the conclusion is that theyre stupid and just needed to adjust and realize nothing changed

future wxs meets present wxs - there r so many ideas i have for this it'd fucking ridiculous. the most prominent one is future rks meeting present wxs. another one is 3rd anni tsukasa meeting pre wonder magical showtime tsukasa

wxs takes care of child wxs - due to sekai bs, there are teenage wxs and child wxs. they all take turns and interact with the kids...tsukasa and baby rui & nene and baby rui would be cute i think. my ideas are

1) baby rui getting sad that tsukasa said his ideas are too dangerous (he's literally five and wants to jump from a high place). tsukasa feels guilty about his sad little face and offers to do it for rui. cue rui's excitement that an adult wants to try his idea

2) baby rui looks at grown nene like a proud parent and says 'i'm so proud of you nene' and nene goes 'you're literally five. also youve told me that before.' she still says thank you though, bc it's cute and she's fond

child/middle school wxs meets emu's grandpa - rakunosuke shows up during difficult times in tsukasa/rui/nene's lives and helps them smile. none of them remember him, but during that moment, he's a bright light. maybe some emu/rakunosuke parallels?

kamiyama group during mizuki5 - i made a post abt this already, but a silly fun fic to what fun everyone had at the festival. nobody knows mizuki is suffering. very bittersweet

saki helps tsukasa get ready for a date with rui - saki gives tsukasa questionable dating advice and tsukasa ends up botching date with rui (rui doesnt care). includes tsukasa trying to be a gentleman, saki getting love advice from manga and magazines, and rui having a good time watching tsukasa fumble be a gentleman

arcland rui - canon rui wakes up in universe where he joined arcland and asahi. it shows an alternative path rui could have taken, and how that path would have been every bit as valid as keeping wxs together

...unfortunately, rui isn't happy with this because wxs disbanded and he doesn't talk to them as often. he doesn't even go to school with them anymore. (also he has a situationship thing with asahi And tsukasa but he doesn't notice either of them lmao)

i probably have others but these are the ones that come to mind first...hope this is all okay!

[besttropeveershowdown]

The Worst Trope Ever Showdown: Round 1, Side B

Love at First Sight

Falling in love with someone upon meeting/seeing them for the first time.

Propaganda:

No shame to people who enjoy this trope, but I can't see it as anything other than lazy and boring, and also a bit forced. It's like the writers knew that these characters had to get together, but they didn't feel like showing the process of how they fell in love. So, they just have the guy spot the girl from across the room and decide he loves her because her hair looks nice or something. IMO relationships in fiction are much more interesting when they build up and the characters realize their love for each other by actually spending time together and getting to know each other. There's no real reason to be invested in their relationship when it seemed to just spawn instantaneously.

It feeds into the heteronormative idea that men and women cannot be friends without falling in love with each other. Also it’s just really annoying, especially from an aro/ace perspective, like why are you acting like this??

Dying for Unborn Child

I can't find a TV tropes page for it specifically which surprises me, but maybe I just have no idea what they called it. Obviously it's a subset of death by childbirth, but it's more than that. Essentially, a woman (it's always a woman when I've seen it and it's not a trope I'd wish on trans people) is pregnant, usually not on purpose, and the setting has determined that if she lives, the baby will die, and vice versa. So she chooses to die or kills herself to save the baby in her womb.

It's just anti-abortion propaganda and misogyny and the sainted self-sacrificing mother all in a hideous little package. It happens in Lost Girl and Angel just to start with, and it's agonizingly contrived in both. There's literally no reason these women had to be written to die. But they're so good-hearted, or their pregnancy has made them so good hearted, that they simply must end their lives for the sake of the fetus. They may even be making up for past wrongdoings by...making a baby and sacrificing their body for it. Because the most important thing a woman can do is incubate. It's gross.

[emojellyace08]

Lookism Random Headcannons (Because why not?)

Read the recent chapter recently and I am excited about the King of Soul's entrance (if ever)

Daniel watches anime since he thinks it's more entertaining than dramas. At some point he also wanted to become a manga artist but quickly gave up on it. His favorite is probably the classics (Naruto, One Piece, One Punch Man, DBZ, and he also likes the recent ones.)

Zack and Johan used to watch WWE matches together while Mira scolds them that they scream too loud when they're watching Royal Rumble lmao.

Undertaker was Johan's favorite WWE wrestler but thinking about it makes Johan embarrassed since he doesn't want to be seen as an edge lord or "emo or a goth" lol. Zack Lee's favorites are probably Edge, Brock Lesnar, and Randy Orton (idk I watch a little bit of WWE in my free time don't blame me).

Since Jay lived mostly alone in his apartment for who knows how long, he was thought by his butler to cook his own food since he doesn't really want to depend on them fully and make them exhausted. (Plus he's mostly bored, so why not cook and bake?) He almost burned his apartment once trying to fry an egg at first.

Hudson might not admit it but he also binges anime like Daniel. He believes that Makima sucks and the ones who defends her are simps (I mean she's a well written antagonist but her personality is a no).

Goo Kim = Cat Girl/ Cat Boy enthusiast (likes wearing low-budgeted cosplays A LOT for his own entertainment).

Goo Kim had stolen Gun's credit cards for his own shopping spree. Not once, not twice, but MANY TIMES.

Samuel might not admit it but he actually likes Jake and Big Deal. He just keeps denying it because of his ego issues.

Jerry had once owned a winter dwarf pet hamster. He properly took care for it for like 2 years and named her Bisky. But since hamsters have short lifespans, it died later on and he cried and didn't sleep well the following days since he missed her deeply. The shrine of it is still staying still on his backyard and he mostly replaces the flowers everyday or i he's not busy to pay tribute to her.

Daniel wanted to learn how to play the guitar or a ukulele but since his mom was struggling with their budget he cannot ask her to buy him one.

Jay can play drums (and teaches Daniel when having sleep overs!)

Mary can play bass and a little bit of guitar. And she secretly listens to rock, metal, and the alternative style of music since she doesn't want to be teased as emo by Vin the asshole lmao.

Avril Lavigne is the reason why Mary dyed her hair blonde you can't change my mind (not forcing you but listen to her music IT'S SO GOOD). She would like to have a friend (if not a girl friend not a girlfriend) who shares the same music taste with her to start a band.

Zack and Vin Jin used to bully kids on Roblox to boost their ego (Zack stopped because of his character development but probably Vin still does it lol).

Younger Kouji had once ate lots of candies and sweets to be "smart like L" from Death Note but almost got diabetes.

Gun and DG wears lip balms to keep their lips plump and smooth. DG had once teased Gun about being a model while Gun just smirks about it.

Mira SECRETLY LIKES Ayesha Erotica's music because of the edits on TikTok but since it's mostly explicit she's refraining to add her compositions on her Spotify playlists.

Since Vasco is mostly hardworking, there are times that he passes the exams (with the help of Jace and other Burn Knuckle members). But he just cannot push himself more to pass the Mathematics exams.

Eli had once tried to kiss Warren after their fight because of his innocence and curiosity before all the Hostel Drama. (I personally don't ship them but I just feel like it's something past Eli would do). They both cringe when they both remember it.

Doo Lee was once a Twitter influencer but because of his past dramas he was cancelled in social media.

Jibeom accidentally smashed Jihan's face when they were little when they are trying to imitate WWE stunts. Jichang was surprised to see his little brother's teeth getting cracked and falling off and he just didn't cried (it was Jibeom who shed tears because of guilt lol).

Crystal is a big fan of "vintage-core" or everything around the older eras because she believes that it doesn't only represents the beauty and evolution of human pop-culture but it also represents history. She always won on auctions to buy antique stuff and mostly donate it on museums to preserve it's structure while she kept some on her room. She almost got canceled by bidding on an authentic Marilyn Monroe's lipstick but she later on posted on Twitter that she donated it on a museum (which is not a fake news).

Gun doesn't eat too much fast-food products because he believes it's unhealthy and has chemicals to make the customers' crave for more (Goo teases him about this by dramatically eating an order of a large McDonald's French Fries in front of his annoyed face).

Ryuhei never kissed a woman in his life because of his nervousness. He secretly was weirded out by it so he lies that he had slept with many women to not be bullied by other people.

Vasco doesn't know how to properly wear a watch and a belt (ngl same I'm that stupid). He also doesn't know how to tie his shoe lace.

Jace prefers dark-chocolate rather than milk or white chocolate. Because he believes that since it has more cocoa content it can boost more of his energy and sharpen his mind and focus especially when taking his exams and quizzes.

Sally's favorite color was purple as she planned to dye her hair with her color of choice with a mix of indigo. But since she's afraid that it won't suit her, she changed her plans and went on to dye her hair with strawberry pink. She didn't expected it to look magnificent on her since Warren complimented her, so after that her favorite color was switched to baby or strawberry pink.

Mitsuki thinks that K-Pop music is cringe but she secretly has BTS, Twice, and Blackpink on her Spotify playlists. Ryuhei found out about this and she was pissed off up until this day lol.

Doo Lee once had a girlfriend who uses him for the money. She later on cheated with a new "handsome and charming" guy and when Doo found out he was FURIOUS. He later on was captured on camera beating the dude and when people found out he was canceled again on social media (pretty privileges never ends). He later on begged Daniel and Duke to make an apology video for him which looks so weird and scripted since Doo was pushing them. But luckily the drama heated down.

Magami Kenta's favorite vape flavors are watermelon, strawberry, and coffee.

Joy is very talented and skilled with nail art and she sells her products in a decent price even if it's REALLY DETAILED and well-crafted.

Sinu Han is a COMIC BOY FAN. Whether it's DC Comics, Marvel Comics, or even manga he's going to buy it. He later on posted on Twitter about how Gojo shouldn't have died since he relates to him so much (he was later on bullied by Samuel that he sounds like a weeb lmao).

[now-that-i-saw-you]

2023 recap

I've lived a thousand lives this year. I also read around 40 books, watched 17 shows, 34 movies and listened to 40,214 minutes of music and I'm gonna narrow them all down to top 3 favorites of each category.

Music

1. Midnights

I'm a swiftie forever and ever so best believe whatever album Taylor released it's gonna be my favorite album ever, but Midnights is exceptionally good. It's no surprise that most songs on my top 5 most-played are from Midnights (and the only one that isn't is seven). This is my AOTY and I want to personally thank Taylor for writing You're On Your Own, Kid.

2. Stick Season

My sixth most-played song was Dial Drunk and I think it was just a couple of streams away from entering the top. The rest of the album is just as good and as poignant. It's so folklore-esque and I adore a good story that makes me forget about my problems.

3. Good Ridddance

Did you guys know Gracie Abrams is fucking excellent? I listened to Good Riddance and it was amazing and then I listened to her earlier work and they were also amazing. Good Riddance is for girls in their 20s who feel like they mess everything up (it's so evermore-coded).

Books

1. All For The Game

I read a lot of great books this year but this is probably the only one I've been properly obsessed with. Every single word in these books made me cry, it just made me feel so much; angry, sad, happy, but mainly hopeful.

2. She Who Became The Sun

This is objectively the best book I read this year. It's eloquent and complex and interesting and deals with subjects like gender and sexuality in such a fine, delicate way. I wanted to savour every moment with this book, read every word slowly so I could properly understand it. Ouyang is up there with Adam Parrish and Lyra Silvertongue in my Favorite Characters List.

3. Conversations With Friends

This book made me feel seen, while deeply hurting me. Turns out I kinda like the Miscommunication trope and I think it's mostly because I love it when characters feel like real people and nothing is more real than not saying what you should or saying the wrong thing.

TV Shows

1. Succession

I came to realize that what makes me love a show/book is mostly the characters. I love complicated characters that feel like real people. I love it when I can't decide whether I hate or love a character. Even my least favourite characters (Logan and Tom) were well-written and had a very satisfying storyline. I did not understand a single thing they said when talking about finance (at least I learned what a Bear Hug is...sorta) and that didn't stop me from enjoying the show and following the plot and to me that shows how entertaining it was.

2. Better Call Saul

Everyone should watch this show. This is one of the greatest corruption arcs I've ever seen on TV and Jimmy is an excellent protagonist, I love the way the writers build his character's arc and his relationship with people around him, mainly his brother but also Kim because their relationship was amazing. They were so cute and doomed by the narrative. Personally, I enjoyed every season and wasn't bored at any point. This show was done with so much love and you can feel it.

3. Totally Completely Fine

I love it when I stumble on a show because I have nothing else to watch and it turns out to be a favourite. Totally Completely Fine has everything: Humour and wit, discussing important, sensitive topics in a very appropriate manner, and an incredibly real sibling relationship. The show gives a voice and empathy to the eldest siblings, the youngest and the middle child and I'm never getting over "you took all the air."

Please watch it because I want a second season.

Films

1. The Whale

Idk if this a controversial opinion or not but I found this film very moving. To me it's a story about healing and forgiveness being a possibilty for everyone. I really felt and cared for the main character.

2. El Camino

The Breaking Bad writers are just very good at their job. I love Jesse and I love this additional story to the universe.

3. Loving Vincent

The entire film was made by oil painting. How can I not include this? It's a beautiful film telling the story of Vincent Van Gogh's death. I encourage everyone to watch it.

[kellodrawsalot]

I’m not a Miraculous Ladybug fan at all. but I did enjoy the movie way more then I ever did the tv series, (minus the...musical part) there are many reasons why the movie is better than the tv series (Adrien has more agency, Hawkmoth feels like a well written villain and doesn’t suddenly hate Ladybug more than how much he loves his wife, there is chemistry between Marinette ad Adrien)

but first there is also Marinette 

in the tv series, when she’s not Ladybug, she’s super clumsy. it doesn’t really leave any negative results after, not a sprain ankle or make her a negative change in her personality,  often done for her to fall to her crush. it’s often just played for laughs, (and sometimes it just looks off because look at this scene for example, i can’t tell if she tripped on something got pushed or just deciding to skydive on the ground?)

When she's Ladybug it seems her clumsiness is gone, and she’s in perfect control of what she’s doing , even when she first became ladybug she quickly finds her way to control her actions, as if her true self never was that clumsy to begin with

compare that to the movie where....Marinette’s clumsiness resulted into her being seen as a social outcast at school ( she had NO friends) and deeply impacting how insecure she feels

see what this naturally means? her clumsiness isn’t just there to give her a ‘’flaw’’ for comedy, her clumsiness is there to explain why she has low self esteem and why she’s super careful and fearful of others and everything. It’s not just a trait, it’s part of her current character. 

When she becomes Ladybug she doesn’t do a 180, she is still the scared insecure girl who messes up to the point that Cat Noir teases her about it.

When time passes she becomes much better as Ladybug and that only works well when she works with Cat

and because of this, Marinette’s clumsiness fades in the movie. Due to her practice experience and building new confidence . She doesn’t just get get more self esteem as ladybug but as Marinette as well. She gets better at p.e. she stands up to Chloe after all when you are a super hero, all these things like P.E. and school bullies are cupcakes compared to the monster she has been fighting with and the danger she got used to.

Her boost in confidence also shows how she is the one who ask Adrien for a date and confess her feelings to him

while in the series it takes FAR FAAAR to long for Marinette to get at this point, , to the point it’s annoying and an obvious ploy to keep the viewers hooked but that just ends up as being boring and frustrating.it doesn’t connect, like it does in the movie.

(but we do get scenes LIKE this in the series....yeah)

tLdr; Marinette’s character was just better written in the movie, her character development was more natural 

(anyone know why the english va wasn’t allowed to sing tho? she was like the only va that has a singing history?)

[number1moirafan]

Big rant alert about one piece this anime is very dear for me and im almost going to celebrate my 7th year of being interested in this silly pirate show so I thought that i should take this time to just rant about it (again)🫡

Something I really love about one piece is its weird and wacky character design and how it manages to form relationships between characters that aren’t romantic and are most of the time platonic and familial bonds with found family.The character design never gets boring to me and I get that a lot of people think the art style is ugly but I feel like I’m at that point that it’s just think of it as a charm, one piece just wouldn’t be one piece without its goofy proportions sure the animation studio sometimes overdoes it and alters a lot of the female body types a ridiculous amount but it still manages to hold a bit of charm because one piece isn’t about a battle of whose the prettiest or whose the most conventionally attractive sure boa has a whole gimmick of being the prettiest woman but it’s not her whole character she still has a lot of depth that makes her enjoyable to watch there’s a lot of characters that wouldn’t be seen as attractive in our world but are found attractive in one piece for example boa marigold is found attractive and just like Catarina Devon another character that is deemed as “unattractive or unpleasant” looking by some has a whole fan club of women who find her attractive even when she doesn’t fit into mold of beauty standard everyone is so ridiculous looking that and it feels refreshing when ridiculous characters are taken seriously and not just made to be laughed at because they’re fat or are just deemed ugly by fans or characters in the show Queen had a whole song about how he would be popular if he lost weight but he wouldn’t because he’s full of funk and muscle which I think is very meaningful you don’t have to have every character be skinny for them to be likable. And while we’re on the topic of not having to be attractive to be likable I really love Dan Dan her relationship with sabo luffy and ace I adore the way she was written as this cold woman who lives with mountain bandits and doesn’t care about the boys even though she genuinely does we saw it first hand when she beat up garp for letting ace die she cares deeply about all three of them even when they’re not her actual children. I just honestly love the way oda writes friendships nami is able to interact with all of the male crew members and not have it seem as romantic and flirty i like that she’s able to have physical contact with them and be around them without constantly having that “omg what do I fo there’s a guy right there >///<“ gag I see in a lot of anime even when sanji if flirty with her and Dino’s over her and Robin they’re able to care about him without it automatically being deemed as romantic by everyone around him and there are many moment where sanji interact with women and not being romantic about it Robin being able to protect him when he was being held by Black Maria in Wano he want simping over the fact Robin came to save him but was happy his friend came to his aid when he needed her the most this is also where I think sanji realized that not every woman needs to be protected or save because there’s a bunch of one piece ladies that can hold their own without the help of a guy that people gloss over.On the topic of relationships I also want to add that the way female relationships are portrayed makes me do happy a lot of the female characters are clear girls girls they don’t fight over a man and ruin their friendship over him they actually get to spend time together and do things like shopping and having regular hangouts without a man being the main topic.

Also take some time to look at nami the straw hats I love them so much

[raayllum]

Opeli and Claudia for bingo?

I love Opeli more than is probably warranted given her role/actual screentime, but I'm always a slut for "pov adjacent to the main cast but without context" / "the remaining people who are alive/around to remember the castle kids growing up" perspective so it's really no surprise that I love her. When I wrote a oneshot about her and Callum's potential bond they'd only exchanged like 3 words, and now into arc 2 they've had multiple conversations and I feel so spoiled. I also really love her dynamics with the rest of the dragang. I think someone who wholeheartedly devotes themselves to the concept of the Crown but also has to deal with the political and personal (more than she ever expected) of that reality is super interesting, and I love the way she provides easy excuses for religious worldbuilding, which is one of my faves to write.

I'm both an aroace Opeli and a post war aged up Sorpeli endgame truther though - so fanon really is the best of both worlds <3

[ Black Xs represent squares don't apply to Claudia that might otherwise look circled. ]

I feel like a lot of the reasons I adore Claudia is how opposite she is to Opeli in a lot of ways, strangely enough? (Upon reflection.) Like she grows up in the castle but clearly has very limited loyalty to the actual king and royal family (bc they're royal) because one of the first things we learn about her is that she's been lying to them. Her loyalty is first and foremost to her family/her father and watching the sliding scale of people she cares about go from friends to obstacles to enemies she's willing to enjoy (with the added bonus of she and Callum having once been technical love interests) is just... so fun? But also she makes me so sad. I don't think there's any reality where dark magic exists and she has access to it that can end happily for her, and she is still going to take her sweet time seeing just how much it's destroyed her and hitting that rock bottom to hopefully start clawing her way up.

She's a character I've written a lot of ways in various fics/divergences - an adoptive sister to Rayla, a strained but long term love interest to Callum, Aaravos' puppet, breaking free of her dad of her own accord for better and/or for worse, as a dark mage, a primal mage, etc. I've killed her and I've written her redemption arc more than once. It's also been super satisfying to see her steady decline over the seasons as the "she's a cute goofy goth girl" read she generally got in the initial fandom post-s1 felt boring and shallow (it was always deeply clear to me there was something wrong with her lmao) so I do think fandom conversation surrounding her as a character has only gotten better, more accurate, and more interesting as the show has gone on (even if sometimes people don't have enough sympathy for her perspectives and choices). That all said I do think no matter where TDP leaves her as a character in the final season, I'll always write towards and imagine an ultimately happy ending for her with the soft boi of my choice

[dietraumerei]

Weekly Writing and Reading Update

OH MY GOD WHY WON'T THE FUCKING SNOW MELT WE ARE NOT BUILT FOR THIS UP HEEEEEERE

I am not doing well with winter this year. Or at least this month.

Writing

Swords and Ploughshares; Signs and Sigils Updated through chapter two; I have chapter 3 written but unedited and have started chapter 4 and just...frankly do not feel like writing much these days. With any luck my mojo will come back soon, but I am pretty chill about it; I think not forcing it will result in better writing, so.

Reading

So much!

I finished Mrs Dalloway and to be honest most of what I figured out is that it's a terrible book to read right before bed when I'm tired; I've read it before but not since I really started to study Woolf and analyze her writing, and it's a very rich novel for such a short one; I definitely want to read it again soon properly.

I also finished Mobility and absolutely hated it, but I kept reading it so who's the sucker? It's about the most neoliberal boring white girl (then woman) you have ever encountered and I'm deeply afraid that the author doesn't realize how shallow and just boring and deeply passive Bunny is. anyway, great hate read, I'm trying to get a friend to read it too so we can scream about it but overall do not recommend.

I also read The Honjin Murders in like two days and I LOVED it. It's a love song to Japanese mysteries and Golden Age detective novels and it's a brilliant locked-room mystery. I've already borrowed another Kindaichi mystery to get started on today. I'm so excited to blaze through all the English-language translations as they come out.

[iwritewthwine]

Chapter 20 buckle up

semi-written. warning!: self-suicidal thought ahead. proceed with caution for this chapter please. if you ever have thoughts of suicide reach out to loved ones; friends, families, professionals don't let your mind take hold of yourself alone.

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Gazing deeply at the message on your phone as your eyes begin to moist. It wasn't that Seungcheol's message was mean or anything, the complete opposite of that. Being used. Your mind stopped at reading that. Taking you back to the past, the memories that you have buried are now resurfacing. Many of the memories with Justin, you never even told to your friends and Seungcheol’s message reminding you of that day that made you become hollow of romantic feelings. 

Already finished with the assignments as you sent it to your professors via email, you were feeling extra chippy, deciding on baking something for Justin to surprise him at his place and maybe stay a little longer at his place.

The pink cinnamon rolls with strawberry icing you made, were sitting on the counter cooling itself as you head to your room for a change into something cute and appropriate. A cute pleated skirt with a button-down blouse and a loose cardigan should be fine.

By the time you arrived at Justin's place, standing outside of his apartment door as you wrapped a knuckle onto the door. Waiting, in the cutest outfit in your closet carrying a container of pink cinnamon rolls. Smiling widely at the door opening and anticipating Justin to take you in his arms. 

"You are not Joann. Who are you?" she asks, staring dumbfounded at you. She was pretty and taller than you, she could've been a model. All the thoughts surrounded your head. Was Justin cheating on you? Girls do fawn toward him a lot and you did question him about that to which he responded every time, "they're just students in my class."

The girl continues to stare at you, now with her arms crossed over her chest. "Who are you?"

"I, I'm Yn. Justin's girlfriend, who are you?" you say, trying not to sound like you're on the verge of tears. She let you aside, but you could've sworn you saw her roll her eyes. Stepping inside of the apartment, you step into his line and sight, and from his eyes alone, you could tell Justin was panicking on the inside. 

"Yn? What are you doing here?" Justin stands from the couch as he walks over to you. His arms envelop you in a hug. 

"I finished my assignments and I wanted to visit you. I also made pink cinnamon rolls. What's going on? A study group?" If you had known in the past you wouldn't have asked that last question but you did. 

"Yeah. It's for one of my psychology classes. We have an exam coming up next week." Justin gingerly pecks the top of your head. "You didn't have to come over babe, I was going to visit you afterward." Letting you go as he proceeds back over to where he was, his gaze leaving you and going back to that girl that had opened the door for you. “We’re almost done anyways, if you want to wait, just sit tight.”

Of course you obliged to his demand, you were in love with him. Sitting patiently on the couch as you watch Justin and this girl study, it did look plainly like studying to which it took on longer than a few minutes. A little bored and unsure on what to do, you eyed the clock on the wall, eyes fixated on the second hand spinning past the numbers. Eyes strained from watching the clock, you sat and informed Justin that you’re heading to the bathroom to freshen up.

You stayed in the bathroom just a little longer, despite being in a relationship with Justin for 8 months, you still felt inevitably uncomfortable and out of place around his friends and his friends’ friends. Taking a deep breath and staring in the mirror, you nodded your head with an affirmation. “We’ve been dating for 8 months now, his friends have to know me by now and I shouldn’t be nervous around them. Okay. I can do it.” Taking a tentative step out the bathroom door, you froze in place upon hearing a soft cackle.  A cackle, like a witch’s cackle and not the hilarious kind of cackle. Your heart began beating at that sudden cackling, hands balled into a fist as you moved your back onto the wall. Inching closely to the living room and making sure that Justin and the girl don't see you.

“I cannot believe you’re still dating her. What does she have that the rest of us don’t? She’s pathetic and frankly she isn’t even that pretty. I think I saw her walking around campus one time and oh my gawd she has so many guy friends. Like they are all super handsome and yet she’s so plain. You’re handsome too. How could handsome people end up with someone like her?”

“Yn isn’t all that bad. She’s naive, yes, but she’s a good person. Plus, I need her. Professor Thomas is thinking about giving away one of his prestigious internships and by helping Yn, by lettting her be one of my protege the possibility of me going into that internship is a high chance.” Justin turned slightly towards the girl, his hand ghosting over her upper thigh and his lips near her ear. 

You continued to listen to their conversations, the bottom of your lip trembling and eyes getting mistier as you covered your mouth with your hands, stifling any sounds that may come out of you. Bringing you back to when you first met Justin, you were leaving, exactly like what he said, you were leaving Professor Thomas’ class and you bumped into him. He apologizes for not seeing you and then treating you to dinner, and then for 3 weeks he continues to meet you in front of that class, taking you to lunch and helping you. The way he made you feel among his friends comparing to yours were different, the way he belittled you around your friends and tried to make it look like it wasn’t his fault because he doesn’t know them as much as you to his friends, getting all touchy with you and then ignoring you the next. Was everything a set-up from the beginning? Later that night, after returning from Justin’s place, you brought back the pink cinnamon rolls, standing in the kitchen, as you stare at the intricate beautiful cinnamon rolls you made for your boyfriend, a tear stream down on top of it unknowingly because you weren’t thinking at that moment. What that girl in his apartment said and what Justin said, coming back into your mind as your hand clasped tightly around the butter knife, somewhat wishing that the butter knife could sharply cut, maybe if you held it even tighter it would. It didn’t cut as sharp, it did leave a dented scratch but no blood. 

“Yn!” Seungkwan exclaimed. Having come down from his room to get a bottle of water because he got thirsty. Seeing your hand tightly around the butter knife and your sullen facial expression, he didn’t need to do anything because he knew from the action alone. “What are you doing?! What the fuck, Yn?” He stepped over to you and held your balled up fist with the butter knife inside. “Please. I don’t know what happened but Yn, if you’re thinking about hurting yourself, please, I love you, Seokmin loves you, Soonyoung loves you, we all love you, talk to us.”

You dropped the butter knife and looked at Seungkwan, unable to tell him what you heard and saw today and afraid of what might come in the future. But perhaps telling a little bit will relieve some parts of you.

The memories flood your mind as your eyes mist all over again, gazing with no thought whatsoever when Seungkwan and Seokmin open the door and their eyes landing on your form on the bed.

“Yn?” Seokmin softly announces. He carefully steps closer to you and his lips pouting at seeing a tear staining your cheek. “Baby Yn!” He shouts with a cry. Arms widening out as he embraces you in a tight hug before you could register back to reality. “You’re crying! No. Please don’t cry. I’m going to let Soonyoung find Justin and beat the crap out of him.” Seokmin sniffles, his huge arms still wrapped tight around your body.

“You’re going to let Soonyoung find him?” Seungkwan asks, stepping over to the side as he settles next to you. “You won’t find him yourself but you’re going to make Soonyoung do it?”

“Yeah duh, I’m not going to risk my life for that piece of shit, Soonyoung already is risking his life so he might as well.” Seokmin loosens his arms around you, quickly ruffling the top of your head with his hand as he gives it a quick peck.

“Oh, well, you're weak. Anyways, Yn, how are you feeling? Did Seungcheol say anything bad or anything? Actually what did he say to you?” Seungkwan scooted himself onto your bed, resting his back on the wall as he nestled a pillow on top of his lap to cuddle.

“Seungcheol didn’t say anything wrong. At least it didn’t seem like it. I think I'm just over-thinking these things because of Justin. I, just, I,” you paused trying to calm down when a stream of tears fell down your eyes and all you could see of Seungkwan and Seokmin was a blur of water.

Seokmin grabs the tissue box from the night stand and hands them to you, softly patting the top of your head. “Calm down first and then talk. We have all night and we are not leaving you tonight.”

You nodded your head, taking a few, a lot tissues and blowing your nose and wiping the tears from your eyes.

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[Seungcheol's pov] ↓

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Frequency (noun): 1.) the rate at which something occurs or is repeated over a particular period of time or in a given sample.

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[bisluthq]

From my perspective I think I am just about done with Taylor after the interview. I have already stopped streaming her music and buying her albums. She came off as a spoiled, spiteful, vengeful person to me, and her bitterness hasn’t subsided. I suspect that is the cause of the failure of her relationship with Joe. I believe he saw a real side of her. She has to be in control of everything. Friends close to Joe called her “a piece of work.” Kim said the issue was never the b* word for them. It was Taylor lying that Kanye never called her. That is why Kim released the tape. Both parties in that phone call come off as phony. But in the end Taylor will continue to do what she has always done. She will take love songs written for others and change the narrative, probably out of spite, until the next guy receives the same treatment. I used to defend her, but no longer. The narrative never changes and I am frankly bored of it. I will listen to more creative artists.

lol I can’t disagree with this more strongly but maybe that’s because I’m also a messy, weird person whose “narrative” - it’s not a narrative it’s just life - changes depending on my mood and where we’re all at? Taylor is a messy person with messy thoughts and that’s why she makes great and deeply relatable art. Of course she changed who some songs are about in her head because like it’s about her actual real thoughts and not about some random dude??? I don’t get this take??? What do you want from her?? She’s not CNN lol she doesn’t have to report the objective truth. She can just say what happened to her in her opinion and like then look back on it and be like “wow this happened again and I can still apply it to my life” and that’s fine????

rep dropped shortly after my ex and I got together right and the whole “my reputation’s never been worse so you must like me for me” stuff really resonated with me because I was dealing with the fallout from homeless guy and my whole situation with bookstore girl and like all sorts of crap. I was not a catch but she liked me. Dress also sounded gay af which made sense to me at the time because I was in a gay relationship. When I listen to those exact same songs now I hear a new thing - I hear “is it cool that I said all that?” because I said some really intense stuff to my bf when we were just friends and just hooking up and he took it 100% on board like he dgaf and when I hear Dress I also know I’ve bought stuff specifically because I knew he’d like them idk. The same exact album applies to 2 of my relationships in different ways.

Enchanted has applied to like 50 million people like do you know how many times I’ve been enchanted to meet someone???? I can’t count all of them. That doesn’t mean I lied that I was enchanted when I met the first person I was enchanted with or lied when I met the cute redhead waitress the other day and felt mad enchanted like I was indeed enchanted. I was. If I’d written the song I’d apply it to all my situations where I felt enchanted because they’re my thoughts???? I can be enchanted many times????

I have a (published) short story that’s inspired by my ex but I read it recently and it suddenly applied to my current situation (the whole premise is “you’re not my first anything but I wanna be here and it makes it special” lol). I still like the story. I don’t much like my ex - she’s ok like she’s clever and she’s pretty and she’s a nice enough person but ffs the bad outweighed the good at the end - but I like my story about her and when I read it now I don’t think of her, I think of my current partner.

There’s no “narrative” - there’s just a lady living her life dude. Same as you and same as me.

[quenthel]

💔🛑🔞???? omg im so sorry i didnt see that u were doing these

Hii Ella hiii <3

💔: any hated npcs?

uhhh honestly even the annoying ones I have a fondness for bc they are like... interestingly mean or it makes sense for them etc etc what makes me hate characters if they are stupidly written and with THAT I really hate the battlebliss guy (Irmangaleth or whatever his name is) and the aasimar guy in the abyss he can eat a dick. Also my god the trickster king guy and Socothbenoth i hate those guys

🛑: least favourite quest, or a quest you refuse to complete?

Blackwater and the Fallout reference quest. They are both boring/fustrating AND give no loot at the end. For non-backer content that one puzzle w the treant lost lands or whatever that place is called and the heart of mystery shit bc its too long... cool story beat and we learn more abt my friend Storyteller but experiencing it once was enough lol

🔞: do you have any nsfw headcanons, either for ocs or canon characters?

oh my god i have some... under the cut (also i have a lot to ramble abt sfdgfsdhf)

Ok first abt my ocs:

Bell has a lot of negative connotations w intimacy in general bc of the cult he was in and also towards sex since most of his sexual partners in the cult did die in childbirth (the whole glippothspawn deal). So he is almost scared to have sex with people and tries to live in a way where he does not do it a lot while also struggling with his own desires that he cant properly communicate or cultivate because intimacy is just too wrapped in for him in sex and death (like he finds casual hugs strange etc, very touch starved and isolated). He was also forced a lot into a more dominant role during that time and during the Cam romance he was forced into that again and he did it but he simply just does NOT enjoy that sort of stuff at all but he still needs an outlet etc. Thats why his romance and sexual life with Nocticula works better bc she is the one holding the reins and he cant possibly hurt her bc she is powerful and strong and his equal and likeness etc.

Cass is similar since she was also isolated and affection starved as a child but she was also trained to use intimacy and sexuality as a weapon almost to keep herself in the good graces of her superiors (she was in a s/m "relationship" with some priestesses of Asmodeus who were her employers). She does enjoy exploring that power dynamic tho but she has a hard time being intimate and soft without bringing sex into it so her love w Wendu starts with both of them almost hate fucking eachother a lot lol. Then she opens up and learns to be soft and teaches Wendu along the way and they start to care about each other more deeply its very nice.

Marci is just ig very sexful (high sex drive) and while she is generally very well composed and stable that can cause issues with her. She probably has a lot of casual sex. Like I was thinking abt her having sex w Sister Kerismei (the woman from Woljif's quest), one of her army generals (the elf lady), and having a few lovers in Drezen too. She and Arue can bond over that too while she is in horny jail.

Masha is also pretty horny and she has sex with people before feeding on them (i know...). I had an idea for a scene where Lann catches her doing it and he is so crushed bc the girl he likes is fucking other ppl and eating them but they talk it out. She also probably gets it down a bit w Cam (her bicurios moment) and they drink blood together (weirdo besties for like 2 seconds) before Masha offs her (by sucking her dry) in the Abyss (sorry Cam).

Tessa is generally very chaste and she is more focused on the intimacy sex provides. Not the type of person who feels desire a lot. Also she has some baggage after being a Nocticula worshipper around sex bc she used her beauty and sex appeal a lot to hurt others and she prefers having relationships that are no longer centered around that.

Duncan is just chill. He has no isses anymore, he had many long term relationships in his time. He is like 40 also and he had a wild time being a teen/young adult around sexuality but its like mostly behind him. Like in the relationship w Daeran he is clearly the more well composed and at peace one so Daeran is just going trough it trying to untagle the mess of his emotions while Duncan is just there supporting him, hanging out and smoking weed lmfao.

For canon characters I mostly have thoughts of Woljif, Lann, Wendu and Daeran... less nsfw headcanonc and more of an interpretation of their characters bc i am insane

Like Daeran very clearly cant separate affection and being horny so he always tries to sleep with people he cares about and is attracted to thats why he goes so hard for the commander lmao. He is probably a good lover tho but he has issues. Lann is probably very worried about everything and lets his insecurities show and is generally stiff in those situations so its very awkward. But once he gets over that he has a fucking job to do. Wendu cant separate pain and pleasure properly AND she probably has that specific issue where she does not let herself want casual intimacy and soft affection bc she convinces herself tht she does not need it so she is all sexhorny instead and tries to channel her frustration into that. She is also probably very unhealthy in the S/M relationship too like type of sub who wont rly talk abt boundaries or safewords or shit which causes issues. True love Wendu however learns that those are important and gets better at communication so there is more aftercare.

OK with Woljif... Its less about his sexual habits but his connection towards sexuality ig bc he gets no action very clearly. He is bisexual tho but he is also very insecure and never have been loved. He kind of strikes me as a Denji Chainsawman type character who wants to be loved and cared for but he is also a horny young adult (instead of being a teen like Denji) so he probably conceptualizes those wishes as "omg i need to have sex" instead of him needing love and care yk.

[btass99]

My review of Twisted Love

2 stars- ⭐️⭐️

I’m actually really proud of myself for finishing this book lol

Alright peopels, let's discuss another overhyped book from BookTok. Unfortunately, It seems that lately lazy writing and boring characters are getting fame while well-crafted, beautifully written books struggle to get attention.

The book is called Twisted love but the only twisted thing about this book is how the author managed to twist the plot to fit her story until it nearly snapped. It was so unrealistic that I was amazed that the editor approved this book.

Alex Volkov, a wealthy man with a cold attitude, has the vice president on speed dial but lives his life as a normal middle-class man. He even sublets his best friend's house because he's that kind of friend. I mean, It’s not like he can live in a fucking mansion or something and take Ava with him?????

He also carries a terrible tragedy with him and remembers every single detail from that night. It has fucked his life so deeply, making it hard for him to commit to anyone or anything. Because of this, he sees himself as a cruel, cold-hearted villain.

But here's the catch! None of this is evident in the book. Sure, he talks tough to anyone who dares to threaten Ava, and he makes serious threats to people, but that's pretty much it.

Also, GET THIS— Alex Volkov has a special taste in ladies!!! He has rules in the bedroom which cannot be broken!!! but Oh Lord, they get broken so fast! Like, the first time he and Ava have sex.

And Ava, sweet innocent Ava. I could have loved you. Truly. You are a real sunshine, a good friend and funny as hell. It’s a shame you were written by an author who does not like to structure a well paced plot.

So many things happened but were resolved so fast it was like drinking warm water on a hot day. Effective but dissatisfying.

Things happened it’s just that we were TOLD they happened. We weren't there to experience it along with the characters.

But with all the pile of shit, the book was funny as hell! I found myself chuckling and laughing out loud many times while reading, which was refreshing and allowed me to connect with the characters better. I appreciated the strong friendship between the girls and how they managed their busy and successful lives.

I’m a bit curious about Jules and Josh… I’m a sucker for Enemies to Lovers so I might continue this series.

Only time will tell….

[feelingsmixed]

Books of 2023

At the end of the year, I look through my diary where I note down the books, I have read this year and gather them in a list. I read quite a lot (this year, I’ve read 57 books) – naturally, some are better than others. Here are my favorites from 2023.

Some of the books but not all because this year, I borrowed a lot of books from the library and from my friends who all have great taste.

Janet Malcolm: In the Freud archives (1984) and The journalist and the murderer (1989)

I’ve been introduced to many of my favorite authors by my friend Nanna, who in the beginning of this year lent me In the Freud archives, a journalistic encounter of a conflict in the psychoanalytic milieu in New York about Freud’s legacy, more specifically, about Freud’s relation to the seduction theory. The book reads like a crime novel while also asking fundamental psychoanalytic questions. Why does it matter so much what Freud thought about the seduction theory, I thought to myself at the beginning of the book. Quite a lot, it turns out. The journalist and the murderer changed the way I think about interviewing and representations, and I think everyone who works with written representations of people should read this. I’ve been schooled in thinking about ethnographic representations through a political and decolonial lens but The journalist made me think about it through psychoanalytical terms as well – the impossibility of representing others reflect the impossibility of knowing yourself fully.

Nell Dunn: Talking to women (1964)

I finished this book in January when I was on a writing retreat in Skagen at an old refugium. Outside, it was cold and windy, the days were short, I sat inside by my desk, attempting to finish an article. At night in bed, I read Talking to women, a collection of interviews Dunn made with women she knew about love, work, motherhood – in other words, about life. Although the interviews are from the early ‘60s, they convey recognizable aspects of womanhood, both the pleasures and the pain. Dunn’s interview isn’t the detached style of a journalist or a sociologist but that of a friend: she intervenes, discusses, comforts her subjects, resulting in the interviews also demonstrating female friendships.

Elena Ferrante: Days of abandonment (2002)

This is the first Ferrante book I’ve read outside of the Neapolitan quartet. I think it’s one of the bravest books I’ve read about what love can do to you – I’ve written about the book’s qualities in another blogpost, so I won’t say much more about it, just that it shook me deeply with its painful depictions of betrayal, disappointment, and jealousy.

Henrik Pontoppidan: Lykke-Per (1898-1904)

My stepmum gifted me this book years ago but I’ve never gotten around to reading it until this summer, expecting it to be one of those boring classics you are forced to analyze in Danish class. I never heard much about it what it is actually about: the story’s hero, Lykke-Per, grows up the son of a very conservative priest in Western Jutland but early on rejects his family’s way of living, and decides to move to Copenhagen and study engineering. Here, he befriends several members of the establishment, makes great engineering plans for Denmark, and tries to marry into the bourgeoise and leave his background for good. However, in my opinion, the real hero of the book is Per’s fiancé, Jakobe, the extremely intelligent daughter of a wealthy Jewish family who’s trying to find her way in the man-dominated world she feels uncomfortable in. It's a book both about the modernization of Denmark, as well as an existential story about getting what you want and then not wanting it, about human relationships, about antisemitism, about women’s struggles and a page turner? I think I’ll return to this book in the future.

Fleur Jaeggy: Sweet days of discipline (1991)

I love ominous books about communities of girls and women, and this was no exception. It takes place in a Swiss boarding school and is written in the first person, but the narrator remains elusive, impossible to grasp outside of the group of women. “When you’re in boarding school you imagine how grand and free the world is, and when you leave, you’d sometimes like to hear the sound of the school bell again”. More Fleur Jaeggy in 2024!

Malte Tellerup: Spræng fabrikken (2023)

I couldn’t stop 1) thinking about this book and 2) telling everyone who would listen about it. It’s a very short book which a reviewer called ‘anti-literature’ – it’s about three young people living on a small farm where they experiment with regenerative agriculture when they are told that they will have to leave the land due to the neighboring chemical factory expanding. They give up their farming and instead start making bombs for attacking the factory. I’m planning on writing a separate post on this book, so I won’t say much more other than this being the best piece of ‘climate literature’ I have read.

Asta Olivia Nordenhof: Djævlebogen (2023)

Nordenhof was maybe the first contemporary author I read who demonstrated how literature can be political and personal at the same time with her poetry book “det nemme og det ensomme” (the easiness and the loneliness). I’ve longed for this book, the second in a planned septology, since she published the first one in 2020 and read it in one setting. It’s about the possibility of love under capitalism, about money, sex work, strange encounters and mixes the novel with poetry. Here’s (a badly translated) part of the poem which makes up the introduction in which she describes her troubles with writing the book:

“my motto/which I had forgotten/while I was struggling/to write a/real book/about the inner life of great men/my motto/here it is/it is simple/and great/fuck men!/when I remembered this/I remembered/that I can do/what I want.”

Natalia Ginzburg: All our yesterdays (1952)

Sally Rooney described this as a perfect novel, and I would agree. It’s about a family living in fascist Italy with the youngest girl of the family as the protagonist who however doesn’t take up more space in the novel than the rest of its characters which the novel follows through the Second World War as some of them join the resistance and others find other ways to cope with fascism. The novel explores the impact fascism and war have on different people, without viewing this as a reflection of essential character traits or depicting some as inherently evil and others as inherently good. Ginzburg has an eye for the small things that make up people – certain turns of phrases, bodily manners, temperaments – and the necessarily ever-changing relationships between them, writing about these with great feeling and humour. I enjoyed the way the novel treats politics and politicization not primarily through public life, but in the personal relationships of the characters.

I’m quite satisfied that only one (!) US-American author made it onto this list. Next year, I’d like to read more authors from the Global South and perhaps even more POETRY. I also want to continue reading the same books as my friends because literature is, truly, best when discussed with others. Until then, I’m off to buy champagne and lemons for New Year’s Eve – see you!