#and he wont have to Stress abt her

[joznii]

her shenanigans take 10 years off his life

[luck-of-the-drawings]

[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]

saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.

[tearfest]

mini life update in the tags bc i need somewhere 2 rant < 3

[sunnybergamota]

Im trying to make an rpg campain with my friends but nothing is working out ugh i feel like shit ok? Shit shit shit, like SHIT

[zenyuumi]

am incredibly pissed off i do not like it here

[tinylittlebab]

oh. i guess since i probably wont be able to exercise today/tomorrow anyway i should just starve

[notreallymisha]

My random thoughts abt Percy Jackson as someone who only watched the show and knows bits and pieces according to bestie's info dumping

(spoilers??????)

• Percy is chronically confused and he never stops being confused about everything when he gets older and I love him for that

• I'm already aware that Luke is going to end up being horrible in some way to Percy because of the reaction of the whole fandom to non-book readers liking Luke so much and all i know he will do something malicious out of jealousy? As I understand hed been ignored by gods for a long time while Percy got claimed in couple days. NO idea what possibly will he do

• I'm team Grover, he can do nothing wrong and I know for a fact he will be Percy's friend throughout everything even if he wont always be in the centre of action, I also hope hes more than just a sideckick or protector for demigods and has his own stuff to do

• Annabeth is a badass with a baggage and it seems like shes not always appreciated enough

• Traumatized as fuck kids😢

• Apparently Poseidon is not that bad even though i expected him to be a complete piece of shit

• Who IS a piece of shit is apparently Athena?

• Apparently Percy is extremely powerful but he never fully gives into this potential to protect his friends(?) or to not be dangerous (?) Hes just real kind and loyal

• Sally Jackson will at some point find her a better man (i think?)

• Something tells me Percabeth will be less of a slowburn in the show compared to the books, just bcus??

• I saw that fanart or older Percy and Annabeth and they got white streaks in the hair? Bestie told me its plot related and refused to tell me why and I legit thought its gray hairs from stress😭 maybe some kind of sacrifice that affects their physical body i honestly have no idea

• There gonna be a bunch of other kids that will be friends and or have a completely separate story and theyre all trios???? There are at least two different trios

• Theres Nico whos a kid of Hades who doesnt get a break from weird ppl cus hes gay and hes also apparently very sad guy and later on he meets his future bf Will Solace whos a healer and Apollos kid and hes a sunshine? At least looks like one but i font know anything about his personality

•Also I assume that Annabeth is friend with Nico? but not sure

• When Percy finds out that Nico used to have a crush on him hes as always, chronically confused (tm)

[uh-niran-really]

(⁠っ⁠˘̩⁠╭⁠╮⁠˘̩⁠)⁠っ I think i might have made this top angsty but the pain is worth it ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ

(preferably fem reader please (⁠｡⁠ŏ⁠﹏⁠ŏ⁠))

Ok soo..

Niran and symmetra have been close friends for years, they have a bond that reader could only dream of having. And although niran is flirty and kind to everyone, it feels different when he says it to his best friend, satya. Reader often tags along the trips niran sets up with satya, which often hurts the reader and makes them feel jealous. One day, Niran wanted to treat reader out, just the 2 of them. Reader gets her hopes up thinking its a date and Niran makes her feel really special (i don't know how to write fluffy date scenes i'm sorry! ༎ຶ⁠‿⁠༎ຶ) and by the end of the day, she slips and confesses to him. He's unsure of how he feels and feels conflicted, thinking that the fluttering in his heart whenever they went out was because of his best friend satya, which ended up in him rejecting reader. Reader, upset, but still nods and goes back to her dorm, rejecting any offer from Niran to walk her back. A few days goes by and she starts to get difficulty breathing, no one knows of this and she continues on with her training whilst avoiding niran. Poor niran is probably sad and is overthinking/yapping to satya abt how he ruined their friendship. A few more days later, Reader starts coughing up blood by the sink in her dorm before eventually coughing out lotus petals. (“Hanahaki disease”) She panics and reaches out to mercy, asking for help, mercy looks around her resources and gives her a really sad look before telling her the cause/the cure(lets imagine surgery isnt an option here bc more angst the better ಥ⁠╭⁠╮⁠ಥ) reader smiles sadly knowing with how fast the disease is spreading, she probably wont last very long. She spends the rest of her days off of missions, constantly Throwing up blood with petals of her love's favorite flower. She cries in pain before asking someone to call satya, wanting to speak to her to pass a message before reader passes. When satya arrives reader confronts her about how niran loves her and asks for her to take good care of him, satya is worried and calling both niran and mercy to help you through her comms before paying attention to the reader and telling her all about how niran's been breaking down and regretting his decision, how he did truly love the reader and misunderstood his feelings, and the sleepless nights he had thinking about how the two of you couldve been together if it hadn't been for him speaking before thinking properly. Before reader can answer, she hears the sound of her room door getting busted open as niran rushes towards her side, crying and begging for her to stay alive and apologizing over and over. She passes out and he panics trying to find her pulse but since he was stressed and panicking, he couldn't find it, making him more scared, crying and screaming out when he was torn away from the reader's body to get treated by mercy. Days go by and niran has been in his lab, staring at his desk, unmoving, mumbling apologies as tears streamed down his face, having constant meltdowns every time his thoughts would wander off to the thought of reader dying. When he gets the news of the reader being alive he sprints, running for his life to go to her room, once he gets there he cries and begs for forgiveness, even tho she was still unconscious, he begs and begs, regretting his every action, until she woke up. He was so happy she was alive then he starts begging for her forgiveness and shes confused thinking he liked satya, he rejects that thought and reassured her he got his feelings all wrong and that he truly loved reader 🥹🙏 She forgives him and he asks her out to be his girlfriend which she happily accepts, once she gets out they get scolded by satya for the entire misunderstanding but is still happy reader is alive and theyre both ok 🫡🫡🙏🙏

OMFG IM SO SORRY I DIDNT MEAN FOR THE ASK TO BE THIS LONG JDJDSJSN

Hanahaki - Fem Reader X Lifeweaver

Content: Angst, Hanahaki disease, Fluff, Romance.

Word count: 6,200+ (You’re in for a wild ride with this one my dears)

A/N: Wow. Never have I loved a prompt more than this one. I truly hope it was worth the wait and you enjoy reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing it! It’s been such a joy to write for you again!

“Satya, have I told you how much I love you?”

“Yes Niran, quite frequently.”

You watched the pair feeling torn. They looked like the perfect couple. The sweet and lovey dovey flirty one and the stoic serious type. They complimented each other a lot. Though they insisted that they were just friends but you didn’t believe that. The way they spoke to each other, light touches here and there and that longing look they gave when watching one another. You wanted that bond with Niran, so badly.

Currently you were on a “best friends” trip with the pair. A little day out to enjoy everyone’s company. It felt like being a third wheel in reality. You watched as Niran continuously flirted with Satya, complimenting how beautiful she looked in the sunlight and how much he wanted to hug her. He glanced over at you aware of your presence, offering you a smile. You smiled back, but inside you know it was all an act.

“Y/N, let’s take a picture!”

“Oh.. are you sure you-“

He trust the camera in your hands and posed with Satya, who was less than bothered. Of course he wanted YOU to take the picture. Rolling your eyes you snapped the picture and handed it back to him. Before you could walk away he grabbed your waist and pulled you back.

“I wanted you to take a picture of the three of us silly.”

His touch was seering hot against you, delicate but precise across your skin. He had eased up since pulling you closer to him, but your head was all over the place. Niran was like a drug, enough to get you hooked on him and leave you pining for more.

“Or I can take it if you aren’t feeling up to it?” He offered you back the camera.

“S-sorry. I was lost in thought. I’ve got it.”

Holding up the camera you smile, Niran sticks his tongue out and Satya stands a little awkwardly. You pause to see if she’ll smile but as always she’s stoic so you snap the picture.

“Ohhh you look beautiful Satya! So cute!” Niran swoons.

“Niran. You’re embarrassing me.”

You waited to see if Niran would compliment you too, wishful thinking really. He only seemed to have eyes for Satya. The way he looked at her now screamed desire, true love, need. Surprisingly though he turned to you.

“Don’t you look adorable.”

If only you could hide the blush on your face. He noticed too, giggling at the sight. He found you sweet and down right cute. He told you as much, it just seems more friendly rather than flirtatious. With little to no warning however, he blew you a kiss. Such a sweet gesture, one that you choose to believe was romantic, as delusional as you sounded.

“Niran, will you please stop flirting. Can we go now? You know we have countless meetings tomorrow and you as always have not prepped.” Satya grumbled at him.

“Oh my dear, you know I’ll wing it!” He winked at her, a rare smile forming at her lips.

As you started to head back to the base, you hung back watching as Niran doted on her, buzzing around her like she was the most beautiful flower. It was like this every time the three of you were together. He always seemed to fall back on her, making you feel worthless. Like what was the point in you being there. Niran seemed to notice how unhappy you were on the way back to base, dropping back to walk with you.

“Are you alright sweetheart?”

“Fine.”

“You don’t look “fine” to me, but perhaps I’m just too happy all the time.”

You frowned and he apologised for light hearted attempt at humour. He only wished to make you smile but he didn’t always hit the mark, though he never stopped trying.

“But in all seriousness, please tell me what’s wrong?”

“I-“

You paused. You wanted to tell him how you felt but it just felt wrong. With Satya there it was just awkward and you didn’t want to feel disrespectful. Instead you faked a smile, attempting to lift the mood.

“It’s nothing Niran, I promise.”

“How about I take you out tomorrow? Just the two of us? A mini date of sorts hmm?”

Either Satya didn’t hear or she didn’t care. You of course were delighted at the thought of spending time with Niran one on one. But you couldn’t help think about Satya and what she would think.

“What about Satya?”

“What about her? She has a lot of meetings tomorrow, she’s very important! I however am not as important as miss Vaswani, so I can spare the evening if you want to take me up on that?”

“I’d love to Niran!”

——🪷——

The morning was chaotic. You had some work to do in the lab but you couldn’t stop thinking about Niran and his choice of words ‘a mini date of sorts’. Was he teasing or was he being serious. With Niran it could go either way. He was difficult to read in most cases but great at reading others. Still you tried not to look too much into it and just accept that whatever it was, it would just be the two of you.

Come the afternoon you were a nervous wreck, stressing over the smallest details. Was the outfit choice too much? Would Niran be just as fancy? Was this a date or not? It was all too much for you to handle. Instead you opted to take a nice hot relaxing bath to melt the stress away. A sigh escaped your lips as you slipped into the warm water, eyes fluttering shut for a moment or two, thinking of Niran. A thought crossed your mind and you wondered if you should tell him how you feel or not. The whole situation was confusing after all. You decided to play it by ear and see how things went, it would be way less awkward that way.

Feeling fresh and relaxed, you dried yourself off and looked at your outfit choice again. A little fancier by your standards, but Niran was a fancy man. He always liked to look his best in any occasion.

“Screw it! What do I have to lose.”

——🪷——

You certainly felt overdressed when you saw Niran. He was wearing his causal attire, hair thrown up in a messy bun. Real cute and homely. Here you were in a dress and pretty heels, embarrassed. Your hair done up all pretty with gorgeous jewellery to match.

“Oh I feel so underdressed.”

“No.. I.. I feel stupid.”

He grinned at you, really taking the time to admire you. For lack of a better word, you were beautiful, truly. Gently he took your hand and lead you back to his dorm, making you fluster.

“I’m sorry to ask for you to wait Y/N, please allow me 10 minuets to dress more to…” He paused again, eyes tracing your every inch of you. “Your standard.” He was enamoured, hardly able to contain his smile, though you weren’t sure if he was just being nice. You watched as he slipped into his room, head spinning from the possibilities. You knew it was just his demeanour and that he was just being a gentleman, but what if it was more than that? You pondered your thoughts outside his dorm until he returned.

“Niran.. you look..”

“Fabulous? Yeah, I know.” He teased with a wide smile.

You playfully roll your eyes at him. He was often like this with Satya, but now she wasn’t here his playfulness appeared to fall onto you, not that you minded one bit of course.

“Flirt! Anyway, where are we going?”

“I was thinking dinner? I assume you haven’t eaten yet? I know I haven’t.”

“Sounds lovely Bua.”

He loved the use of his nickname. You didn’t use it much, it felt somewhat exclusive to Satya, and yet you used it now anyway. Niran wasn’t complaining. He loved when close friends and family used it, quite frankly it made his heart flutter.

“Unlike you to use ‘Bua’ so casually. Not that I mind of course.”

“Well, I figured it was okay Is it not?” You teased him back. If he dishes it out, surely he can take it, right?

“Of course.”

——🪷——

Oh the Pruksamanee influence. Despite being a fugitive he still had some status it seemed. The restaurant was quite a lovely one. The last minuet reservation was quite impressive too, but anything for you, his lovely Y/N.

“This place is gorgeous Niran.”

“Oh isn’t it?” He pulled out your chair for you, tucking you into the table once you took your seat. “I’ve come here with Satya a few times. Charming little place.”

You hide your frown and you hide it well, but as always Niran picks up on it. He takes his own seat, crossing one leg over the other, placing his head in his hand, leaning his elbow on the table, eying you softly.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong, I promise. I’m just a little stressed from work. I’m sure you understand.”

“Of course, please order anything you would like dear.” His free left hand touches yours from across the table. “My treat. You work hard.”

You both order and Niran picks out a bottle of wine he thinks you’ll enjoy. Something to match the flavours of both your meals, he was use to the finer things in life, but could comfortably live without them too. You couldn’t help but notice how sweet Niran was being with you, he was always sweet but right now, he was treating you like a princess. Almost like he did with Satya. You laughed and flirted over dinner, drinking a little more than you usually would but you were having so much fun with the man opposite you, so it hardly mattered.

“Are you having fun dearest?”

“Yes, I’m a little tipsy though, you might have to carry me home Niri!”

“I fear that may be the case too.” He laughed, such a sweet sound. You often heard it when he was with Satya, but it sounded so much better now that you had been the one to cause it.

Niran ordered another bottle of wine, because according to him, nothing was too good for you. Your senses had been lulled into a sweet concoction of joy and felicity. You were truly on cloud nine. Was this how Satya felt with him? You weren’t sure but honestly you didn’t want a constant reminder of what you were competing with.

“So what made you decide to take me out? I know you mentioned Satya was busy.”

“I just wanted to treat you. I feel like we aren’t as close anymore. You like to come along with me and Satya on crazy days out but I got the feeling you wanted some one on one time.”

Oh he was good. He was very perceptive, both a blessing and a curse. You couldn’t hide much from him. He could read you and everyone else like a book.

“Thank you. It means a lot to me Niran.”

“Can I interest you some dessert? Though you’re already sweet enough.”

My was this man a flirt. Such a warm feeling though, like he genuinely cared about you. He did this to every one, it was one of his love languages after all, but with you it was starting to feel different. Right?

“We could split a slice of cake?”

“I like the way you think Y/N. What are you eyeing most and don’t say me.”

You playfully roll your eyes at him again. This man really was going all out. Still you couldn’t help but lap it up. Tracing your finger down the dessert menu you watch his face light up as you trail over red velvet cake. He’s all smiles when you pick it of course, delighted in the idea of sharing this with you. As you’re waiting for the cake you take another sip of wine, you weren’t sure how much you had, stopped counting long ago. You were far from drunk but your tongue was certainly a little loose your mind overcome with need and want. With him.

“Niran, I have something I need to confess to you.”

“What, do you love me of something?” He winked unknowingly.

Your face said it all, flushed bright read, eyes drifting away from his. The perfect picture of lustful embarrassment. Remember how he was good at reading you. Just one look at you and he knew.

“Y/N.. do you really?”

“Yes… Tonight has been so wonderful and I’ve felt this way a while an-“

“I’m so sorry to cut you off, truly I am..but.. I’m sorry I don’t think I feel the same way. I- I think I’m in love with Satya..”

If heartbreak was an expression, your face said it all. Of course he was. Of course it was Satya. You felt stupid for even giving it a second thought. It had always been Satya. From day one you could see the chemistry between them.

“Oh.. I see.. well she’s a lovely person so.. good luck to you Niran.”

“Y/N.. I’m sorry.. oh god I’ve led you to believe it was mutual..” Things started to fall into place for him.

“No Niran.. I just mistook your kindness for attraction.” You stood up, stumbling a little from the wine. He stood up ready to catch you, worried. “I wish you all the best, I think I’m going to go. Thank you for the evening. I had a great time.”

“Don’t go! Please, let’s just talk..”

“I just want to leave Niran..”

“Then please let me walk you home..”

Despite his protests to walk you home you left, tears threatening to spill at any given moment. You knew the signs. The way he looked at Satya was so obvious. He practically worshiped the grown she walked on. This night was just Niran treating a friend, nothing more. Niran felt awful about it all, watching you leave the restaurant in tears. His head spun with questions about how he felt and what was going on. His heart fluttered whenever he was with Satya. It had started to flutter a little around you, but he couldn’t help but think of her. He felt even worse when the cake you both ordered to share came, now having to eat it alone, without you.

——🪷——

A few days went by since your failure of a date with Niran. He tried to talk with you a few times but you politely excused yourself telling him that you just needed to get in a better headspace and that you still weren’t ready. The look on his face stung. He look so defeated and worried.

“Satya.. I’ve ruined everything.. she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore..”

“Give her some space Niran.. I’m sure she’ll come around when she’s ready.”

Around the same time came the difficulty breathing. It started off as a small cough that was manageable enough, but worry started to set in when you coughed up what appeared to be lotus petals. Confusion was too light of a word to use in this situation, you couldn’t understand why this would be happening to you. It’s wasn’t like you ate any lotus flowers recently, or at all for that matter. You tried your best to hide it from your coworkers at the base as well as Niran. You assumed that it would just go away, but a week had passed and it was getting worse. The coughs turning violent as you desperately tried to clear your lungs. Soon you were coughing up blood along with the petals and you knew this wasn’t right. It hurt. It hurt so badly. You avoided it for so long and it felt like someone was stabbing your lungs and throat constantly. Enough was enough and you went to see Dr Ziegler hoping for some Mercy from this pain.

“Oh, this sounds like Hanahaki Disease.. You poor thing. Let’s get you an X-Ray, see if we can’t remove the flowers with surgery.”

“Surgery?! Flowers?!”

You didn’t understand what was happening to you, and now surgery was apart of this whole ordeal. Things were getting too much and you could barely handle it.

“Hanahanki is a painful and draining condition where you have flowers growing in your lungs. It’s caused by unrequited love.. oh you poor thing. Judging by the type of flower petals.. it’s safe to assume..”

“Niran Pruksamanee.. yes..”

She gave you a sympathetic smile. Things didn’t make much sense but at least you knew what it was that was causing you so much pain. Dr Ziegler had you lie on a bed as she took an X-Ray of your chest to see how far the disease had progressed. In most cases it was a slow moving disease, one that was treatable with surgery, at the cost of the persons love for the one who caused it. However you weren’t so lucky. Dr Ziegler gasped at the progression in which the flowers had began to grow.

“I.. I’m so sorry but surgery just isn’t an option Y/N. The flowers are too developed, I would risk causing you serious damage..”

“Am I going to die..?”

“No, there’s another way.. Niran has to reciprocate your love.. but I’m not sure if th-“

“I’m going to die. It’s okay, you can be straight with me.. how long..?”

“Maybe a few weeks if you’re lucky. Do you want me to talk to Nir-“

“No. Thank you but no. He doesn’t love me.. he.. he deserves to be happy.”

The Dr was kind enough to give you some pain relief before sending you home on ‘bed rest’, though you referred to it as your death bed. She promised not to talk to Niran about it, per your request, which you decided was for the best. The pain only got worse from here. Soon you found yourself coughing up more and more petals, accompanied by more blood. You were dying and you sure did feel like it with all the pain going on.

——🪷——

“I don’t know what to do Satya… I’m so torn it hurts… it hurts so much…”

“Bua.. Why won’t you just tell me what happened..”

Niran couldn’t tell her. His feelings were so confusing. He was certain he loved her but just thinking of you was enough to drive him crazy.

“It.. it doesn’t matter. I miss her coming with us on our little days out.. she looks so sad all the time Satya.. I caused that.. me..”

“Niran I promise you that it’s fine.. I’m no good at reading people like you are, but anyone can see the girl just needs a break.”

“It’s been a whilst since I last saw her.. I hope she’s okay…”

Satya sighed pulling him into a big hug, which gladly accepted breaking down into tears. His head was spinning with constant conflict over you and her. He swore he loved Satya, not being able to get enough of her. However after that evening he spent with you he wasn’t so sure that was true. Regardless he melted into her touch as she rubbed his back, promising things would be okay and that she loved him, platonically, though Niran was further drawn into chaos. A depression setting in his mind.

——🪷——

Weeks passed since your diagnoses and things were looking as if they were about to end. You were throwing up bloody petals hourly now. The pain was too much to handle. You’d be glad when it was all over. You couldn’t help but think of Niran, pining for him to take this pain away, and yet, he was with Satya now. Surely he had told her he loved her by now. You were sure they were so happy together. With you gone, nothing would stop him. Your thoughts lingered on Satya and you wanted to speak with her, wanting her to pass on a message to Niran of sorts.

With all the strength you could muster you get up from your bed and ask a passer by to get Satya. Maybe she wouldn’t come. Maybe she didn’t care. But maybe it was worth a try. One final attempt before the flowers killed you. Minuets passed and to your suprised she came, a little confused why you asked for her.

“Y/N? You wanted to speak with me. Niran’s been worried an-“

“Satya. I just want you to promise me something. Please?”

She nodded and took a seat next to your bed. She had already began stimming, feeling the pressure and tension of the uncertain situation. You didn’t blame Satya for anything. You could see why Niran liked her. She was gorgeous, smart, his childhood friend. Her intellect was a wondrous thing, ask her anything about Hard Light and she could list off more facts than the inventor themself. She was effortlessly beautiful in every way. Her satin black hair perfectly straight and flowing down her back, an obsidian waterfall. Niran had probably loved her forever. There was no competing with that.

“Are you sick..?”

“Yeah. It’s not contagious so please don’t worry.”

She nodded and sighed from relief. She hated getting sick, a small phobia of hers. Knowing Niran he would just love to wrap her up warm and take care of her all day, leaving her little kisses and whispering her sweet nothings. They belonged together.

“Listen Satya, you and Niran are perfect together. I’m happy for you both, really I am.. will you promise me something?”

“I can try..”

“Will you look after him for me when I’m gone? Niran I mean..”

“Are you going somewhere?”

She was far too sweet for this world. It made you smile. She wasn’t stupid, far from it, just struggled with social ques and picking up on subtle hints.

“I’m dying Satya.”

Her face hardly reacted, normal for her, though you did notice that she stopped stimming. She was probably processing everything you had just said. It must be a lot to handle for anyone, but especially her. After a few moments her lip quivered showing you just how saddened she was, no matter how hard she had tried to hide it. She tapped her head set as calmly as she could without breaking down, taking a deep breath. Unbeknownst to you she has started a call with Niran and Dr Ziegler.

“I have Hanahaki disease… I’m starting to-“

As if the timing couldn’t be more perfect you threw up another round of petals and blood, demonstrating your disease to her. It was violent, pain tearing through your throat as if you were being scorched from the inside.

“Y/N!” She reached out to rub your back softly as you retch and heave up the petals, seering pain burning your lungs. It was agony. Tears pricked at your eyes, threatening to spill as you gasped for air so desperately. As quickly as it began it was over, allowing you some time to breathe, even if it was a struggle.

“Y/N… Niran has been going crazy.. he’s been breaking down into tears over you.. he’s spent so many sleepless nights agonising over his decision to reject you.” She takes her place by your side again, deciding that the back rubs weren’t helping much. She felt to awkward and helpless. “I’ve never seen Niran so devastated Y/N.. He’s been over analysing everything.. it’s been rather annoying to hear him babble on about how he wishes he put more thought into it rather than jumping to an answer.. how you could have been together right now if he would have just thought it through. Y/N.. he really does care.”

Before you could answer Niran burst through your door eyes meeting yours immediately, tears streaming down his cheeks. He looked awful, just as Satya had mentioned. The sleepless nights haven’t been kind to him and he was in need of a good nights rest. His hair matted and tangled into a half done up do. The embodiment of depression.

“Y/N!! Oh my god I’m so sorry.. I’m so so so sorry..”

He was at your side almost instantly, Satya moving back to give him some space. He took your hand bringing it up to his cheek. His skin was warm yet wet and tear stained. The way Niran looked at you was like you were an Angel, admiring your beauty. The way he yearned for you was too much to handle. You felt your lungs begin to burn again, a reminder that you couldn’t be happy.

“Please don’t leave me! You can’t go..”

He held your hand tighter almost willing you to stay. He was scared. Really scared. You didn’t need his gift of soul reading to know that. Anyone could see it.

“I’m sorry.. I’m so sorry… please forgive me beautiful.. I’m so sorry…”

The burning was all too much for you to handle now. You wanted to say something anything but now you just couldn’t breathe. This disease was killing you, at the worst possible time. Niran watched in horror as your eyes flickered closed as if fighting off sleepiness, before you blacked out, slumping on the bed.

“Y/N!!” He began to panic harder now really worried for your life. He attempted to find your pulse on your wrist searching for any signs that you weren’t dead. When he couldn’t find it he searched your neck, panic already gripping at his body. “NO NO NO NO!!!” He screamed panicking harder and harder, searching in desperation for your pulse, refusing to give up on you. “PLEASE! YOU CAN’T! NOT NOW, NOT WHEN I’VE REALISED THE TRUTH!”

He begged and pleaded with you to wake up, going as far as to shake you, pleading with you to open your pretty eyes. Satya watched in horror as her best friend broke down once again, knowing that there was nothing she could do to help him.

“I LOVE YOU!! WAKE UP!!”

“Niran..” Satya started before Dr Ziegler rushed in. Niran was hysterical now, the thought of losing you was all too much for him. He screamed, cried and begged even as he was ripped away from your near lifeless body by a few assistants of the Dr. All so they could treat you.

“Niran it’s going to be okay.. please..” Satya grabbed her friend and held him for dear life as he screamed for you louder and louder. “Please Niran.. please..” Satya began to cry too hating the terrible sounds coming from her friend. It was truly an awful sight to behold. “I’m here.. I’m not letting go.. I’m here..” She comforted him much like he always comforted her. Promising him that she was his constant. That nothing would stop her from helping him.

“Satya, will you watch him?” Dr Ziegler called before rushing out of the room to her office. She didn’t need a reply, knowing Satya was already on it.

Niran continued to scream, slumping to his knees dragging Satya with him, eventually resting his head on her shoulder, sobbing as his heart broke once more.

——🪷——

Days passed and Niran progressively got worse and worse. He hadn’t moved from his lab desk opting to stare at it mumbling nothing but barely coherent words of apologies and sweet nothings for you.

“I’m sorry tîi-rák… oh please forgive me sweet thing.. I love you..”

Satya dropped by as often as she could, forcing him to eat something and drink some water. He refused most of the time however, resulting in her forcefully making him drink water, and pleading with him to eat.

“I’m sorry… please… please wake up.. you have no idea how much I need you to wake up..”

He couldn’t sleep. He was too worried about you. Too focused on things he left unsaid. Too restless to even flirt with the idea of sleep. Not when he could have been flirting with you. If only he took the time to think.

“You have to wake up.. there’s so much I need to tell you… I’m so sorry… please… please forgive me… don’t leave…”

Whenever he thought of you lying there dying, he began to meltdown. His barely coherent mumbling turning into screams. He began throwing things and slamming his hands on his desk. He tossed a picture of you in one for of rage before dropping to his knees cradling it close to his heart, apologising for hurting you again. Satya ended up staying with him that night after he cut himself. He told her it was an accident, she didn’t believe him.

Eventually Niran ventured outside his lab finding himself in your dorm room. The door was left unlocked and untouched. He felt his tears form again as he stepped inside, the trauma like a punch to his stomach. Crazed with guilt and grief he climbed onto your bed, pulling a pillow to cuddle with, your scent being his pull to reality. Niran became dizzy with the idea of spending sleepless nights beside you, watching your chest rise and fall as you breathed soundly next to him. He wasn’t sure how long he stayed but when he next looked up it was early evening, the sun beginning to set. He spotted a couple of bloodied lotus petals lying on the floor. They must have fallen from your covers as you were pulled out of bed by the Dr. Curious by nature he picked them up, studying their shape and the dried blood they were coated in.

“Hanahaki.. these must be the petals..” He mumbled to himself. “Hmm pretty Lotuses..”

He started to collect each and everyone he could find, by which there were many. He wasn’t sure what he would do yet, but he knew he wanted to find a cure. Niran returned to his lab spreading the petals across his desk and staring intently at them, sobbing his heart out at the thought of the women he loved lying lifeless in a hospital bed.

“You can’t take her from me… I know I rejected her.. I know.. I screwed up… I know I did… but I love her..”

Sitting back on his chair and pulling his hair loose hair back into a messy bun, he sat relentlessly studying the petals for hours upon hours, wishing for nothing more than a breakthrough. This was harder than his Biolight breakthrough. He was too scared to even try Biolight in case the flowers grew out of control, killing you. Life as he knew it was dwindling into grey hues. The colour no longer relevant to him. He didn’t care anymore. He just wanted you. He stayed at his desk for another handful of days, continuously sobbing and begging for death to take him too.

——🪷——

“Niran!!” Satya rushed in to his lab, shaking her best friend awake. He had finally been stolen by sleep itself, the rest much needed but sadly not enough. “She’s stable!! She’s alive Bua!!”

“Huh.. Satya?”

“SHE’S ALIVE! GO!”

With no hesitation he makes a beeline for you. So desperate to see just darling Angel. His headspace had been so worryingly bad recently that he just needed this. He needed to tell you that he loved you. That you were the one for him. That he chose you. Upon arriving he sees you’re still unconscious, his heart swelling with disappointment, yet he stayed, longing for you to wake up.

“Not done with your beauty sleep kon-dii? Well I think you’re already beautiful enough..”

Dr Ziegler smiled at him, his love for you making her swoon. She offered him a seat and told him to stay as long as he liked. To yell for her or Baptiste should he need anyone. Niran was content with sitting by your side, knowing that you could wake up soon, with any luck.

“Please wake up wãan-jai.. how can we be in love if you sleep all the time precious.”

He delicately reaches for your hand and presses it against his chest.

“Do you feel my heart? It beats for you.”

He continued to tell you sweet nothings, praising you for being strong, apologising over and over again. Your sweet face put a smile on his own. You looked so peaceful like that, his heart could barely take it.

“Oh the things you do to me sweet one. Please wake up.”

He bit his lip, trying to keep from kissing you. Niran was a serial romantic. He treasured the idea of true loves first kiss waking you from your sweet slumber. A fairy tale of sorts. He leant in close, eyes flickering from your lips to your softly closed eyes, then back to your lips.

“I beg you dearest.. wake up so I can kiss you properly.”

The moment his lips planted on yours, your eyes flutter open, almost as if true loves first kiss had worked. The kiss was soft and delicate, yet so passionate and warm. You mumble his name against his lips, before kissing him back, the sensation shocking him into realisation.

“Y/N?!” He pulled back from your lips leaving you starved and frowning a little, but you were so happy to see him. “You’re.. YOU’RE ALIVE! I MISSED YOU!”

“Currently alive yes. I missed yo- mmmphh”

Without thinking he kissed you again, this time with burning desire and need. His emotions were all over the place but if there’s one thing he knew, it was that he loved you.

“Please forgive me Y/N! I was such a fool.. I caused this.. all of it!! My darling please forgive m-“

You cut him off with another sweet kiss, feeling as his anxiety melted away. All the pain and sadness drifted off leaving him calmer and more refined. He was stunned for a few seconds after you pulled away. Truly a gorgeous sight.

“What a beautiful way of telling me to shut up.”

“You were panicking over nothing. I needed a way to calm you down, and we kiss now apparently?”

Niran’s blush is quite the sight. It spread so quickly across his handsome features, as he stared at you with such love and adoration. He looked as if he were the happiest man alive.

“I’m a little confused though Niran.. Won’t Satya be mad..?”

“Y/N, I’m sorry for the misunderstanding.. it’s you I’m in love with. I.. got my feelings confused and as it turns out.. my heart pounded whenever I was near you.. and well.. because I’m with Satya whenever I’m with you.. I.. assumed it was her.”

His hand takes yours again placing it on his heart so you could once again feel the pounding of his heart against his chest. A sign that he was telling the truth.

“When my heart started pounding on our dinner date.. I.. I freaked out dearest. My heart told me one thing and my brain told me another… Satya. I spoke without thinking..”

You felt so much better after hearing his confession. Your chest felt lighter and it felt like you could breathe colours, it was wonderful. After so long on short air capacity you felt a little woozy from the sudden intake of air. Niran noticed your change in behaviour and how dizzy you were. Always was good at reading you.

“Careful! I have you.” He caught you before you fell off the side of the bed, laying you back down gently. “Falling for me already tîi-ràk? How cute.”

“Flirt.”

“But you love me for it?”

“I do.”

“Does this mean you’ll be my girlfriend?”

With no hesitation you happily agreed watching as the smile on his face grew. His eyes sparkled with happy tears as he hugged you tight, lightly squealing from happiness. It was a low sound but enough to make you smile too. He was your boyfriend now. You would live.

——🪷——

Satya was happy for the both of you, although she lectured you both for assuming feelings without just asking her about it.

“So Niran you mean to tell me this WHOLE TIME you could have just asked me how I felt about you? THIS COULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED!?”

“Yes dearest bu- OUCH!”

She had slapped him, nothing hard but enough to shock his system. She was royally ticked off by his lack of brain cells, despite him being one of the smartest men on base. You couldn’t help but giggle as the pair squabbled over the misunderstanding. You realised that Niran truly was like this with everyone but with you it was so different. Satya smiled at you glad to see you were okay, before continuing to scold Niran for being a fool and assuming things that just weren’t true. She adored him but no more than she did a childhood friend.

“Dummy!!” She smiled hugging him before hugging you too, ecstatic for her two favourite people.

Everything had fallen into place. You and Niran were an item now. Something everyone on base was excited about. Niran seeked therapy for the trauma and was doing much better now, especially as he had you in your life. You were doing much better, often checking in with the Dr to ensure the flowers had stopped growing. Soon you started going on regular dates, enjoying each others company and love for one another, Satya still tagged along on most of your dates, very much welcomed by the both of you, opting to sit quietly at the table watching as you often shared a piece of red velvet cake.

[c-kiddo]

Hi, I hope this question makes sense but as a fellow Clay family enjoyer, I felt there was some confusion between Clarabelle and Calliope at the end of campaign two - I thought Clarabelle was supposed to be the baby of the family with fun hair who makes things and is just happy to have Cad back, and Calliope is the older one who is more warrior-like and had the jealousy of Cad getting to save the world when it was 'her turn'. The scene with Matt and Taliesin after the M9 gets back from the astral sea seems to mix that up a bit, to me. You're very tuned into them so I'd just like to ask, did you pick up on any confusion there, or is it just me who misunderstood them from the start? And what do you think of the comic's characterisation of the two? Ofc only answer if you feel like it, have a lovely day 🌿

ye they get calliope and clarabelle mixed up basically the entire campaign, but at least to me its been pretty clear (at least after their first appearance) that clarabelle is the youngest sibling + feral art and bugs and rainbow hair kid. i remember people trying to argue she was the warrior one and like. no lol calliope has always been that one but matt just mixes up their names. she introduced herself to yasha in ep96 and was tough and yasha flirted with her its obviously not belle lol. idk ye maybe its bc i have autism abt the clay family but yarr. they did also confirm on twitter that belle is the art one and calliope is the warrior one , and then belle is in the comic as the wee art kid, so thats basically all the confirmation you need. (also reminds me of poor colton getting called colin accidentally by cad </3 maybe he just rly doesnt like him wont even call him his name)

i thought clarabelle in the comic was alright, restless and naive and stuff. i wish she was a little more weird and silly like in the show but i guess its a stressful situation so its whatever. the comic doesnt rly have enough pages to flesh out that kind of thing so it is what it is. calliope isnt in the comic apart from in the background in a flashback so i have no thoughts abt that .

[some-mari-thoughts]

im ootl, whats up with the manga? i havent been reading

Nice! Probably its best u dont

From ok to bad:

Events have been rearranged to unknown extent to adapt to faster pace.

We start with the christmas memory dream instead of headspace, and we are introduced to everyone that way. The dream is very very short.

We then go to start 3 days left skipping the phobia fight for its unneeded at this point, and see kel, basil and aubrey (no mention of their friend groups)

Sunny freaks out and leaves to white space right upon ending Aubrey fight (after seeing a photo of Mari) and thats where we meet mari properly

That said, Mari. In the dream/memory she is introduced via visual horror, stress rising as soon as she comes into frame and when we see her face it is already kinda terrifying! Her name and sight alone continues to scare sunny into panic for the entirety of chapter. Almost as if he is scared of her rather than anything else

We dont feel any easier as we meet Dream Mari either because she sneakily guilt trips us about taking too long and making her wait

Sunny is treated a bit better but he is freaking out almost the entire time we see him and his reactions seem a bit misplaced. I am also pretty sure he doesn't even get to throw up the steak. He does get several gay tension moments which shippers are extatic about but for me doesnt make it literally any at all better or easier. Just raises my brow higher. Seems like its the only place where manga will have any success. The sunburn lovers are also happy bc in the dreamworld omori gets to help aubrey out instead of kel

Other events have been slightly changed. We start with not seeing any of the hooligans which leaves us with aubrey alone. So she alone is doing a lot more bullying than she originally was doing. Then she also focuses on bullying sunny alone and verbally hitting where it'll hurt, also reminding him that mari is dead here instead of church (which causes him to collapse and then slice her with the knife)

What does not help is the artist consistently fails to make a good line of motion or guide the viewers eye where it needs to go, so 90% of people will first miss that 1 - aubrey doesnt hit basil in the head with her bat, but trips him instead; 2 - she then seemingly misses at kel and aims to hit sunny straight across with the bat; 3 - Easily missable detail that sunny stops freaking out as he handles the knife, either bc of smth abt him or bc of omori (unclear, sunny is the one drawn there), 4 - Sunny looks like he is trying to kill Aubrey; 5 - Unclear who is panicking and thinking "no" as Sunny readies the knife

The manga is not at all beginner friendly and in theory can only be enjoyed by a member of the fandom. Well. It fails at that too bc only very specific ppl will be actually happy abt this retelling. (Shippers. And another subset of ppl who are there for different reasons)

The artstyle is making anyone with good internet background tense and for good reason too (shotacon/CP classic artstyle) People have spoken out about more evidence to the manga's artist drawing messed up things (including for OMORI fandom) not too long ago. Omocat's rep is once again in shambles and i cant and wont defend her til we get a goddamn good explanation

[nejjirez]

Since everyone addressin their problems with rashad ..

a lil while ago i had an issue with another writer , it wasn't a big problem but someone found a way to fuel the damn fire..

um its obvious who the fuel was .. at first i thought he was tryna help me because at the moment he was one of the only people who were tryna actually help me in the situation.

this was the last message i had from him before ppl got on his ass about the stuff he was causing , he also pretended to be me in the other writer's anons.. which didn't click to me that it was him at first , until i just saw the other writer's post about the situation and now it all make sense to me.. i see him causin problems to evb now and im js thinkin like um.. damn.. cs it is no fuckin reason damn near the whole miles writers block should be on yo ass rn..ts is insane 😭

and honestly the whole thing abt him "usin his mental issues as an excuse" made me squint at my screen bc like .. ohhh okayy...

back to the situation with him pretending to be me , the other writer added it all up and it makes sense to me now , only her , me , and rashad wouldve been the only ones to know abt her not accepting my apology , and the anon just happened to know abt it .. and ik the writer wasnt that dumb to js go in her own anons so it left rashad as the only person.. i don't even ask ppl stuff as an anon , i make it very known who i am

so i'm honestly pissed at that nigga rn bc i was genuinely stressed , and u js tried to make the situation fucking worse? nigga wtf mental issues gotta do with fueling a disagreement? like dpmo bruh .. bc ur mad weird for that , i trusted you , defended you , and hella other shit and ur the anon the whole time..

u got urself known by all these writers js to end up like this.. u got ya self into this.. don't even act like ppl targeting u or wtv bc u made urself the target..

and at first i didnt believe @averagegirlie when they said it was him pretending to be me , but now ts make sense , we had an argument or wtv but i appreciate you for that 💗

this whole situation just pissed me off .. bc u caused a big ass eruption in the damn miles writers group and then try to blame other shit on it .. tbh u js attention seeking , if u needa talk abt ur mental issues , problems or whatever the fuck u got goin on id recommend doing it to a person in private or going in your notes??? something that WONT cause shit?..

yall have a good day tho.. tagging ppl who have had some problems too with him (lmk if i missed anybody..)

@hiimayee @ashsostrange @tainted-liquor @breeandhermunches (MB IF U DONT WANT ME TAGGIN U BREE JS LMK)

[tojigasm]

bro i was daydreaming of this and i wanna share it w you omg

ok imagine that toji and reader are hosting some sort of cookout or bbq or whatever. theres music playing, they invited a few of their friends and family and theyre just having a fun time. there are kids running around, ppl dancing, drinking, eating the whole shabang.

however, the reader is alone in the upstairs bathroom taking her third pregnancy test of the evening bc shes been having symptoms all week but she hasnt told toji. its not like she's upset - if anything shes overjoyed but she wants to make sure she is actually pregnant before she tells him. she doesnt know how he will react bc he already has baby megumi so maybe he wont want another kid but shes not like stressed over it, uno? she waits 2 minutes after peeing on the stick and its just suspense. like the music from downstairs is thumping, her heart is racing and the only thing homegirl can focus on is the slow drip of the faucet as she bounces her leg in anticipation. and once again the test is positive and atp shes crying tears of joy.

in the heat of the moment (idk how to say it), she grabs the tests and runs downstairs squeezing past guests, through to the backyard where more ppl are. theres tears streaming down her face, shes looking for her bf and when she spots him sitting at a table talking w his friends, she literally jumps toji, clutching the tests as she sobs.

he obv didnt notice what shes holding so he's like "sum wrong, kid?" and hes lowkey worried (ppl are looking over atp like why tf is this bitch crying). she just shows him the tests and she says "im pregnant toji, im pregnant omg, look😭" and when he sees the positive sign on the tests, he grabs her by the waist and spins her and ppl are cheering and stuff.

for the rest of the night the news spreads to all the guests and ppl are congratulating the couple as they leave one by one. there are still a few ppl around but most have left. toji and reader are still outside, her in his lap and its breezy outside and the moon is fully out now, casting soft moonlight over their features. hes saying sweet nothings into her ear as he holds her tight and they're making idle conversation abt what they're gonna do and what they're bby is gonna be like. stuff like "ilysm pretty girl. im so fucking happy, u know that?" or "i hope they have ur eyes, toji" and theyre both just watching toddler megumi inside watching tv (or whatever toddlers do idk) and theyre just so happy abt what the future holds for em 🤭🤷‍♀️

ew now that ive written this its lowkey embarrassing but what do u think😭☹️

:(( this is so cute nonnie

Ty so so much for sharing this with all of us 🫶🫶 and toji would be so so happy!! I have a feeling that he absolutely adores kids. He doesn't voice that out loud, but he's a sucker for Megumi and would do anything for his babies <33

[my-castles-crumbling]

ok. hi. welcome anon. again.

um. so my friend - lets say M because i am boring - M and i were on a facetime call. and i told her that i liked the guy. im gonna call him G to give him a name. but um i told her i liked G because she was talking abt her bf already so like we were on the subject. and ofc she freakkked out. not like in a judgy way but yknow. she was excited freaking out. and she goes OH hes obSESSED with you and he literally isnt like im not even sure he likes me and yeah i know he USED to...like a month ago...but idk if he still does!! and im scared. but she asked if she could have his number to text him and i said ok but you are not allowed to imply anything and she said she wont and she'll show me what she texts before sending it. so she texts "hi, this is M" and he said hi. and she says "what do you think of welcome anon bc L (another one of my friends this is confusing sorry) and i think youd be cute together just saying" and he says "are you asking bc welcome anon said something?" and upon seeing that i told her to say no. SHE DID NOT SAY NO. SHE SAID "depends" like GUIRLLL. then she repeats, "what do you think of welcome anon". he says "wdym depends" she says "no comment" he replies, "uh huh. uh but fr she's kinda cute but don't say anything" which freaked me out. so i texted M (we had since been off of ft) and basically just keyboard slammed a million times and. then. she says. "i told him to talk to you." WHAT. WHATTT. and when i tell you my heart dropped. because she did not run this by me. which, i dont have to patrol her texts, but I TOLD HER NOT TO SAY ANYTHING. and he has not messaged me on text or any socials and i am so stressed. and to make it worse M told L about this and L was like "why didnt you tell me" and i was on the edge about telling her because she can be not good at keeping secrets sometimes but now she knows. and L isnt mad or anything. but i am so scared. because like i dont even know if i want to date. i want to tell my mom about this but i dont know how. i dont want things to be awkward. and like,,, hes not texting me. he has not talked to me. and its stressing me out. and i already think i weirded him out because i started to reach out to him the other day (just saying hi) but i panicked and deleted the message before he saw it but he knew i deleted it so he asked what i deleted and i went "oh nothing i meant to text someone else" and he just said "k ig" OK I GUESS?? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???? i am just so confused right now. and stressed. and. i dont know.

sincerely me

Hi hon!

Okay first of all, you know how nervous you're feeling? He's probably just as nervous! These things can be super scary, especially when they're new, so I wouldn't take him not texting as a bad thing. He's probably scared. Imagine how scary it would be to make the first move?

As far as not being ready to date...well, that's something to think about. When/if he texts you, you can decide what you want, you know? It's perfectly okay to say you're not ready and you want to be friends.

(It's also okay for YOU to be the one to make the first move. If that's what you want.)

<3

[skybristle]

more sparks please. girl what happened to you and do i have to kill anyone

rbs > likes

These two. dw shes already fucking them up. hashtag feminism! [they are also both women]

these two n what they do to her [i wont go fully into it but just elaborae since i already summarized it here in my post abt maw but]. yeah. When she was constructed she was a very ambitious iterator and very. jittery and eager to help her kind and very very radiant. probably the perfect iterator!

of course.... as ive probably heavily alluded to ash is a POS ! as her senior, and the only one in their group at the time, she looks to him for guidance and feels so terrible finding out how fucked up he is with his own colony and how he is struggling to bear it [he IS depressed and chronically ill however also just. has zero accoutnability or responsibility whatsoever and refuses to recongize his mistakes ever or consider his actions beyond what he receives from them] so of course as they fall for eachther and she helps him shoulder his burden he simply takes it for granted and does little to return the favor. its soo unbalanced and unhealthy but sparks is just trying and trying because god !! she wants to be good !! she wants to help people !!! so fucking bad!!!

but shes left bleeding alone, in an overextended structure as they operate on her while shes awake, overclocking her systems and sendinf electricity like lightning down her puppet, he basically messages maw Once to try and get her to knock it off before falling back into his patter nof laziness like welp! did what i can do ! and has the audacity to whine to sparks about feeling inadequate. and she really has no choice but to get back up and dust herself off and live with this reality, which persists quite literally forever, even if its less stressful when her colony eventually leaves. and she stays stuck in this delusion that ash couldnt have done any more and that it was just unfortunate and.. he still needs her help she cant leave him in the dust [what did he do to her again?].

especially as their local group slowly grows and he kind of refuses to accept the responsibility so sparks is also shouldering mentorship and taking care of them and etc. the only exception really is whispers who isnt allowed to speak to sparks because their colony is an asshole so they grow close to their designated senior and ash actually does take the kid kinda under his wing as much as he sucks, mainly at sparks concerns initially.

shes also. super badly traumatized by maw and a lot of that fear and paranoia echo especially later on when maw *actually hurts another iterator*. shes well aware how much maw resents her and maw is the only thing to really scare her. over time sparks loses her whimsy and just becomes very calcualted and dilligent. takes little pleasure in it anymore but if shes not working shes nothing, even as she makes her issues and overextension worse she hasnt rested in ages.

once mass ascension happens and ash bascialyl goes 'welp im done. see ya'll' now that nobody is literally there to make him do his job and goes into sleepmode completely disregarding all the work sparks has done for their group and for *him* not just to appease his colony on his behalf thats when she finally breaks this delusion she has and fucking snaps. she still is kidn of in the position where now shes FORCED To hold authority because hes gone but doesnt bother to try with those who dont answer to her. shes just so angry and frustrated and just workaholics it all away but its really. its not helpful long term and this anger is just building as things in their group get worse and worse as he sleeps in the distance none the wiser.

and, finally, when whisper's emergency broadcast rings true and all hell breaks loose- and he wakes up and the first thing he does is crawl back to sparks to make her do his shit again without even acknowledging his abandonment for many many kilocycles she just completely fucking loses it on him. dedicates herself to- rather than try to put ehr group back together and aid whispers, she just charges headfirst into hurting everyone whos ever hurt her. im still trying to figure out what goes on with maw but as for ash. she creates the brainiac to steal his seniority but also just hijack his structure in an incredibly painful manner. just so she can feel her pain. oh, and just like her, she wont have anyone to crawl to for sympathy [being needlessly cruel and ignoring others suffering? sounds a lot like maw. disregarding the needs of your group to chase a selfish goal as someone lay dying? sounds a lot like ash. lol. lmao even].

after she gets the seniority crown she starts having a guilt crisis. then whispers. uhm. Well. Escapes starlight's can and jumps in the void sea [ive been alluding to it this whole time but nobodies said anything so. ill just lay that here and let u guys react] she finally realizes how badly she fucked up [thats what makes her better than maw and ash] and what shes done and how much shes kind of fucked over her bridges with the people who actually cared about her [chimes and ochre especially] and. yeah. i need to piece out what happens after this still but i mean starlight and maw r still kicking around and sparks now has the responsibiltiy to do SOMETHING which would probably resul in violent retallion from at least maw and kick this bs and sparks hurt and anger up all over again. lol. lmao even.

[cinnamons1999]

UPDATE TO THIS POST (TW FOR MENTIONS OF HARD DRUGS, SELF HARM AND SUICIDAL THEMES ON THAT POST)

also this post is QUITE LONG so if youre an "i aint readin all that" person (tbh me fr im just a yapper i cant listen for nothin) then maybe its best not to int w this post, cuz discussion will require you to read the entire thing for you to know what im on about.

TW FOR ( DRAWN AND MENTIONED) SH AND SADLY, MENTIONS OF ROMANTICIZATION OF SH, SUICIDE, DRUGS ETC.

ok so the prev post was about how much i realized menhera-chan was kinda like an inspiration to me, both in my art style and in the way i saw my own mental health. but honestly im way more detached from her now.

i've been clean for a good while since yk, its easier for me to distract myself from punching my own face now that i have wifey around. i honestly just dont think menhera-chan seems to encapsulate what menhera can be for me anymore, and knowing what type of person bisuko ezaki is i just don't feel comfortable knowing i used to look up to that work.

even with my recovery i still am going through therapy and potentially finding a diagnosis at the hospital, meaning i probably still have shit to work thru tho i cant predict the future

and with this i just dont relate to menhera-chan anymore, not just bcuz bisuko is a shit person but bcuz im more stereotypically masculine (obv, shes a girl in a sailor uniform what am i thinking), but bcuz even when some of the menhera-chan comic shorts seem genuine in the way they tackle self harm and mental health, but then i remember he made THIS ONE DRAWING (THIS IS NOT A CALLOUT POST. I HONESTLY JUST FEEL LIKE BRINGING THIS UP)

and apparently?? yamiko no seigi fetishizes girls who do SH, and even when im not a girl it all just feels less genuine bcuz of this. how u sexualizing SH yet still have comic shorts abt how you shouldnt upload your self harm scars bcuz ppl who romanticize SH could get to it.

(this comic short is the one im talking about btw)

it just feels less genuine to me bcuz of this, cuz if you really want to care abt mental health, spread awareness and share your struggle, then why make that shirt? thats just me tbh.

i've started liking the idea of making my own menhera mascot thing (menhera angel, who's kinda like menhera X by diy-menhera-blog in the way that they are completely genderless, also menhera angel is an angel ragdoll creature thing?? meaning they are completely raceless too.)

this image is also in a diff art post of mine.

my mental health has just gotten a bit better but cuz of therapy and school, and the stress of going to a gymnasium soon (yeah, SV system) i honestly just don't think im experiencing mental health struggles in a different way than menhera-chan is shown to be, and in a different way than most people who relate to menhera-chan/momoka sakurai do.

i respect those who are attached to her and can point out that ezaki bisuko is still a shit person but idk,, maybe when i can find community in the menhera space i can find others who are also not as attached to wrist-cut warrior manga like me.

just,, man. im really trying to find community w menhera people and in the menhera sphere so i hope i get welcomed with open arms but idk,,, (cuz a lot of menhera stuff crosses over w/ jirai and landmine and i feel like theyll see me as "too stable." n shit or just wont welcome me at all and will chase me out but thats just my anxiety talking.)

TL;DR: im more detached from menhera-chan's character cuz of bisuko himself and changes in my mental health, and i might find comfort in the menhera sphere if i get welcomed.

[mvrkieboo]

thank you so much for the updates even tho ur gonna have a job interview soon😭 i feel how stressful and nerve wrecking that is😭

still on yangyang’s side btw!! Theres no good outcome to being nice nowadays y/n!! like you being “nice” or “good” lead you to that crazy life you have rn wont it be better to come clean and just sort everything out??? Like i hope its worth it ig y/n? to lose everyone before you even tell them anything? Like i get it you’re mom left you after telling them,,, but thats on her! But if they left bcuz you wont tell them after being so worried about you, then thats just on you girl!!

good for you for being on yangyang's side because his feelings are valid!!! yangyang's crash out may seem silly to everyone else who can't relate but i based his insecurities on my own past experiences of having a very closed off friend.

but i still kinda want some of my readers to sympathise with y/n. her not being able to talk abt what had happened to her is heavily rooted in the trauma of her mom abandoning her because of how much a burden, a heavy guilt, y/n was going to be on her conscience. the only reason why they were in that shitty situation was because she (y/n's mom) decided to marry the guy she had an affair with. if she didn't cheat on her ex-husband, y/n could still be living in a happy, established household.

so if yangyang walks away, he's right for that. but if y/n remains quiet on her past, it's understandable—but she's still to be blamed. with yoonsu still out there, she still has no closure on what had happened to her all those years ago. unless yoonsu is finally apprehended, y/n is never able to move on from the pain. and when you can't move on, it just means you're not finished processing the trauma yet.