#and he was so right

[simplydnp]

phil really said 30 minute preshow? yeah i can talk about how good dan looks--entirely on the spot--for that long. and then ask him what he missed about me while touring.

[loosethreadsofyoursoul]

when dj said “that was a big moment because nobody ever did that for dean. nobody ever loved him enough to be honest with him.” that hit hard

[stonerbellybabe]

Do the friends you went to the movies with know about your kink? Did they say anything when you got the XL popcorn?

No they do not 😂 one of them said “damn you got the BIG corn”

[sadnessisavegetable]

Spam Call - A Transformers Short

In which Optimus learns about spam callers and decides to try and enter into the chaos ring the humans and Wheeljack have going to answer them. (The characterization may not be completely accurate, but I wanted Chaos Prime himself to activate for everyone to see.)

Jack groaned as his phone started ringing, hoping it wasn't his mother. He took it out, only to see the unknown caller ID on his screen. He snorted, smirking down at it for a moment.

"Miko, you called dibs on this one. Here." Jack tossed his phone to her and they cackled before answering on speaker phone.

"Helllooooo you have reached alien tech support, how can I assist you in deciphering human technology? Is it a language problem? Is the screen too small? Do you need to order a new keyboard?" Miko chirped into the phone.

Optimus watched with veiled curiosity as Miko paused, listening to the phone. The telemarketer sputtered for a bit before managing to speak.

"I'm sorry, I must have the wrong number."

"Oh, that's alright. You will have an agent with you soon to erase your memories of this number since you don't need it! Remain stationary, if at all possible. Thank you, human!" Miko giggled before hanging up. They tossed Jack's phone back.

"What was that?" Optimus found himself asking.

"We have this annoying thing that happens...uh...spam callers or telemarketers. Their thing is either staying silent, being AI, or wanting to sell things. Miko got one that wasn't a dud just now, on Jack's phone. Our challenge is usually to just spout the most unhinged crap at them to get them to leave us alone." Raf explained, a slight smile quirking into place.

"We usually call dibs when we're together." Miko added, her grin holding so much mischief. "Wheeljack has answered one of my spam calls once to mess with them."

"Can confirm. I did a spiel in Kalius at them and then waited. They hung up pretty quickly." Wheeljack chuckled. "Might try Vossian next if I get the chance. Maybe Prax."

"Oh my Primus, Wheeljack! Why did you do that? We're trying to stay secret from as many humans as possible!" Ratchet scolded.

"What? Sometimes Miko answers in Japanese! I had to see how fun it would be with some of our languages." Wheeljack defended himself. "Plus, Tolkien was crazy enough to invent a new language so there."

---

The first spam call that Optimus was allowed to answer was on Agent Fowler's phone. It was a late night, Fowler was napping on the couch as Optimus was working on the last bits of paperwork and grumbled as he opened and held the phone up.

Optimus calmly spoke in the language only Primus' chosen could easily speak. It sounded a bit like music to the ear, except too mechanical. He calmly asked if the spam caller was looking for religious freedom through the Highest.

The telemarketer tried to ask a few questions, but Optimus only spoke in that Primacian language in reply.

Then the caller hung up.

Optimus grinned a little to himself and straightened up as Fowler resumed his nap on the couch, going back to doing paperwork.

Ratchet looked as though he'd gotten whiplash from that and Optimus shrugged a bit at him. Ratchet decided to go lay down for a while after.

---

The next time Optimus took a spam call was when everyone was present.

The children watched with interest as Optimus delicately pressed the button with a thin stylus as he balanced the phone in his massive hand before clearing his throat and going on a wild tangent in the Kaos language.

The language of Kaon was one that he wasn't quite as fluent in, but he got the point across that he was very "irritated" and very "willing to hunt people down". When in reality he was just angrily reciting a recipe for chocolate chip cookies.

Arcee's eyes widened and she started to laugh a little. Bee looked almost bewildered as Optimus shouted.

The caller had hung up midway through and Optimus started to laugh a bit as he realized.

"What was that?" Raf asked with awe.

"The recipe for chocolate chip cookies that Optimus had translated over to use for this. He planned this, kids. I need you to know that." Arcee cackled. "He used the language of Kaon just to yell the recipe for chocolate chip cookies at a spam caller."

Miko started to laugh in disbelief.

"The Prime has a sense of humor, wowww." Wheeljack commented.

"Welllll...let's say I didn't quite grow out of mischief completely." Optimus—or was that Orion just now saying hello?—hummed with ease, passing the phone back to Raf.

Miko giggled a bit and started to think about what pranks they could talk Optimus into. Jack and Raf looked as though they were concerned about her plotting.

"So I wasn't hallucinating from lack of recharge." Ratchet commented grumpily. "Good to know."

Arcee seemed to sober up for a moment, if only to ask the question that everyone had now.

"What do you mean?"

Ratchet sighed heavily, glaring over his shoulder at Optimus, who gestured innocently for Ratchet to speak. The medic shook his head with slight annoyance.

"Optimus answered a spam call last night from Fowler's phone. He used the Prima language—which I don't even understand—to spook a caller into hanging up." Ratchet explained. Optimus grinned.

"I did." Optimus agreed before intentionally starting to speak it again. "It's a fun language to use so that no one can understand what I mean by anything."

Ratchet looked more annoyed. "Shut the actual pit up."

[ladychlo]

-

[agent-troi]

walter upon entering his lab for the first time in 17 years: so much happened here… and so much is about to

[mushiemadarame]

DEEP NIGHT SHOW OF THE YEAR

[vanitasmori]

Hard-handed folk deserve a better death.

[bestdressedchuuya]

I've done it. After years of avoiding the ending because I was afraid I wouldn't like it, I FINALLY finished gintama. And I enjoyed it a whole lot :)

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Expertise can't help you here.

[jorvikzelda]

why is it that people who dont play hollow knight are the funniest about it. friend whos been watching me play sent me this headcanon of theirs

[qrowpilled]

hate when you find a character whose so infuriatingly Your Type that its embarrassing like yeahg no one is gonna be surprised when i announce this is my new Guy Of The Month

[ducktracy]

sharing a very sage bit of advice from The Simpsons' own John Swartzwelder that i've been trying to hamper down in my writing and drawing alike. let your inner crappy little elf do his worst

[beebfreeb]

[archi-pelago]

maybe never forgive. but things are different now. so we'll use maybe.

[kendyroy]

please handle your wolverine with care