#and he starts caring for her the way he cares for people which i can only assume is by constantly asking her if she hates him

[enwoso]

weight of the world | part four

alessia russo x baby!reader (last part of this little mini series!)

-> based on this request | some upsetting themes throughout so read with caution

grumpy masterlist | part three here

it had been a couple of weeks since alessia had made the jump and called the line on the piece of paper which her mum had left on her fridge and they'd been helping, more than alessia maybe realised.

after each session, she felt lighter. like she didn't have the world on her shoulders afterwards.

"i don't think i ever gave myself permission to not cope," alessia said, her voice low, fingers knotting tightly in her lap. "it was like... the second i admitted i was struggling, i'd lose everything. lose control. or worse—lose her."

alessia's throat ached as she said it, like even speaking the fear aloud might make it real.

dr. finch or morgan as alessia learned to find out after their first couple of sessions. morgan didn't rush alessia. she never did. she just nodded gently, legs crossed, her pen still. listening.

"so you became everything for everyone," morgan said after a pause.

alessia nodded, blinking fast. "yeah."

alessia rubbed at the skin on her wrist, the words coming harder now. "i kept thinking... if i just did everything right—fed her at the right time, rocked her the right way, got back to training fast, kept my head down—then no one would question me. no one would think i couldn't handle it. because if someone thought that... then maybe they'd think i wasn't fit to be her mum."

morgan's voice was soft but unflinching. "that is a heavy burden. to be everything. all the time."

alessia laughed bitterly, wiping under her eye. "didn't feel like i had a choice."

"and what about now?" morgan asked gently. alessia sat with that question for a long moment, staring at the window, at the strip of sky just visible behind the blinds.

"i-i'm... learning," alessia said finally. "to share the load. a bit. my mum, ella, the team... they've stepped up. they've been kind."

a beat.

"and i'm starting to believe they'll stay. even if i'm not perfect."

morgan nodded slowly. "that's good, alessia. that is really good." a longer pause stretched between them before morgan spoke again—careful, measured. "can i ask something about y/n's father?"

alessia's jaw clenched. her shoulders stiffened slightly. "he's not in the picture," alessia said quickly, automatically—like she'd practiced the line a hundred times.

"i see," morgan said gently. "would you be open to sharing how that's felt for you? being left to carry this on your own?"

alessia didn't answer right away. her eyes glossed over. then: "i didn't plan to be a single mum. i didn't plan any of it."

alessia let out a long breath that trembled at the edges. "he said he wasn't ready. and i told him i wasn't either but i had this connection with her so i told him that i could do it without him if i had to. i wasn't giving up my baby. and i meant it." alessia swallowed hard.

"but there's a difference between doing it alone because you choose to... and doing it alone because you're left with no other option."

silence again, thick and aching.

"and the worst part?" alessia added, voice cracking. "sometimes i still catch myself missing him. not being with him but—just... the idea. of not being alone at 3am with a crying baby and a pounding headache. of someone else washing the bottles. of someone else looking at her and seeing me."

alessia's lips trembled. "and then i hate myself for that. because i do have people. i have my mum. i have ella. the girls. but it's not the same. and i feel selfish for even saying that."

"it's not selfish," morgan said softly. "it's you being honest. wanting help—wanting softness, support, safety—that's human, alessia. that's not weakness."

alessia let her head fall forward slightly, chin trembling, eyes closed. "it just gets so loud in my head sometimes," alessia whispered. "and i think, what if i ruin her? what if she grows up and sees how lost i was? what if she hates me for that?"

"she won't," morgan said calmly, but firmly. "you are showing her something so incredibly powerful—what it looks like to be brave and broken and still present. you're showing your little girl what it means to fight for your healing. that matters."

alessia didn't say anything for a long time. then she nodded, one tear sliding down her cheek. and whispered, "i want to be better for her."

"you're already becoming that," morgan said gently. "one step at a time."

⸻

the sun was already slipping through the sheer curtains when alessia woke, her body still curled protectively around your little body, as you were nestled against your mummy's chest, asleep with your fist tucked under her chin. your breath was soft and even, and for a moment, alessia just lay there, watching you.

"hey, my little love," alessia whispered with a small, tired smile. "we did it. another night."

you stirred but didn't wake. alessia pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead and let her eyes drift to the window. the morning light filtered in, warm and gold. the kind that made things feel gentler. softer.

alessia stood slowly, carefully, and padded into the kitchen with you still in her arms. the whiteboard calendar her mum had left was now full—training days, therapy sessions, checkups, even a coffee date with ella scribbled in pink marker. it made her feel like her life had shape again. a purpose again.

the kitchen smelled like toast and the radio played softly. there were now signs of life everywhere now—a new plant on the windowsill, baby socks drying on the radiator, alessia's training boots by the door. the kind of mess that meant people lived here. tried. laughed. started again.

ella had started picking her up on tuesdays and thursdays. a quiet routine that never needed to be spoken aloud.

alessia strapped you into your bouncer with a kiss to your forehead, then laced up her shoes up. her training schedule was light still—modified drills, rehab, nothing too intense—but it felt good to be back. good to sweat. to her body belong to her again, even in fragments.

"you know," alessia murmured, brushing a hand down your leg, "i thought i'd break. i really did."

you cooed up at her, wide-eyed and curious. "but we're still here, aren't we?" alessia smiled, the kind that reached her eyes now—tentative, but real. "and i'm not perfect. god, not even close. but i'm trying."

then alessia's phone buzzed on the counter. a message from ella.

tooney | ‘you still on for a light session today at the ground? i've got snacks. and tooney hugs for my fave little russo.’

alessia laughed under her breath and typed back:

less | ‘wouldn't miss it. save me a banana bar.’

—

later that day, at carrington, alessia stood on the edge of the pitch, nerves buzzing beneath her skin. she was still on an individual programme—short sprints, ball control, bodyweight strength.

the team were doing full drills on the other side of the pitch, but she didn't feel separate anymore. just... finding her way back.

you were in the dugout dressed in warm clothes to match the coolness of the air that swarmed manchester, tucked safely in ella's arms, surrounded by a rotating cast of teammates who doted on you like she was the team mascot.

"look at that face," mary grinned, making ridiculous noises to earn a gurgling laugh from you.

"she's our lucky charm," leah galton said, gently fixing your little bobble hat so that it didn’t cover you big blue eyes.

alessia glanced over and smiled, heart full. the sight was surreal. her daughter—her daughter—being passed between some of the best players in the world, held like something precious. like something that belonged.

as alessia powered through her final sprint, lungs burning, legs screaming, she heard it: cheers.

"go mummy! go mummy!" ella started to chant as she lifted you in the air with your arms as little smiles came from you

"go on lessi!"

"smash it, mama!"

alessia reached the final cone, doubled over with a laugh and a breathless sob tangled together. ella jogged over, still holding you. "you alright?"

alessia looked up, eyes bright. "yeah," alessia panted. "actually... yeah. i think i am."

you babbled and kicked your feet like you understood exactly what was going on. ella grinned. "told you. you've got this."

alessia reached out and took you in her arms, sweat-slicked and flushed with effort. alessia kissed your forehead, breathing in the soft scent of baby shampoo and something sweeter—something like hope.

as healing wasn't about bouncing back straight away like a bouncy ball. it wasn't linear. it was showing up, again and again, even when it hurt. it was letting yourself be seen. letting others help carry you across the line.

and as the sun dipped low over the training ground, alessia russo—mother, footballer, fighter—held her baby in her arms and smiled like maybe, just maybe, she believed it now too.

alessia wasn't fixed. but she was standing. and that was enough.

[juicebuck]

I could always count on 911 being the type of show that doesn’t drop its storylines. There has been stuff that’s been called back that I didn’t expect to be called back, but the difference is is that back then there are some sort of conclusion? Even if there wasn’t closure, it was sort of concluded in that arc of that makes sense? Hen cheating on Karen. Karen finally being able to tell Eva (Ava forgot her name) that shes always afraid of her disrupting their lives. Athena and finally being able to find the person that killed her fiancé. Like I know this show can properly pick strings back up but when they pick the strings they were at least solid. Do I have too much hope that they’ll revisit the “you think I’m in love with Eddie”? Yea sure but any string they grab will be so flimsy. They couldn’t add something at all to the finale if that’s where they’re taking it?

yeah. and well, i mean the issue is tim and the way he runs this show. and that needs to change. or he needs to take a step back and hand the reins over. because his vision (if we can even call it that) is directly at odds with what people want. and i'm not just talking about buddie. but just, in general. the GA has been just as unhappy with his "creative decisions" as the rest of us. bobby being #1 on that list. but also, eddie and christopher being gone and the lack of normal emergencies have come up in the facebook comments a lot. he's lost what the heart of the show is. and, it's not that that heart is gone completely, it's that he doesn't seem to care to find it again in any real way. we get glimpses of it that ultimately come to nothing. and a lot of the issue is that tim doesn't plan anything. he scraps and changes things last minute, it's literally an in-joke with cast and crew that they have no idea what's going on (script tbd cocktail 😭) because they don't. they get scripts mere days, or the day before shooting. which are insane conditions to work under. he killed bobby off on a whim, even though peter hadn't expressed any interest to leave. ryan wasn't even sure whether he'd be coming back. and all of this SHOWS on-screen. because he drops threads to pick up other ones, to only then drop those and do the same. and on and on and on. and it's frustrating because we know the show CAN be good, the heart IS still there. like, the shake-up the show needed was NOT killing off bobby nash. it was better planning, it was committing to the stories you're telling, it was actually CARING about the characters. and the thing is, there are actually some really good writers on this team that DO care, and it shows in some of the episodes. that's where the heart still is. tim either needs to start listening to people other than himself or take a step back. and well, i do actually have hope for season 9. especially after the mass backlash from all corners over the past few weeks. that things could change for the better. and i'm not going to spend the whole summer dooming. i still love these characters and i still believe that many people involved in the show do too, and that they can come back from this. but things DO need to change.

[reflectingiridescent]

Watching The King George Job after seeing Leverage: Redemption

Wow, it is MEATY. Poor Sophie.

Up until now, the show - through Sophie's impeccably selective language - has been very careful in suggesting her art theft as a fun game she played with the rich and powerful, something relatively in line with the premise of Leverage in general. This is the first time the show really leans into how art theft links to terrorism, a link that is drawn out explicitly in Redemption S2 in dialogue between Sophie and Eliot.

The girl at the beginning is almost certainly and purposefully written as being around the same age Astrid would have been when Sophie left, which already has Sophie primed to think about her past, the "archeology" of her crimes. Were the things she stole used to fund deeper crimes? Maybe, maybe not. But the damage to Astrid has been done. She just hasn't told anyone.

Just a few episodes ago in The Three-Card Monte Job - a heavily Nate-centric episode - we saw Sophie get unusually firm about civilians being used as pawns in crime. The thematic exploration of collateral damage continues in this episode.

Sophie's more upset than usual during this briefing. Nate clocks it early on.

When Parker says that she should have gotten into this line of work (stealing unregistered, uninsured art) years ago, Sophie is visibly uncomfortable.

Nate goes after Sophie and tries to get her out of her head. It's refreshing to see that dynamic reversed. The suggestion that works? Basically asking her if she wants to run a game on Keller.

I'm biased, but it's REALLY NICE to see Sophie in her element, with all of the art. And! When Sophie takes point, you learn and you con!

Sophie takes over when the first con doesn't work, and everyone rolls with it.

Little pause before Sophie introduces herself as Charlotte Prentiss. It's like you can feel the weight that the persona carries for her.

Cute that all of the beats about the more exciting parts of royalty happen between Sophie and Parker. Sure, they're the women on the team, and we don't know it yet, but they're both living out rags-to-riches stories of sorts.

"Good guess. *little wink*" / "It's not really a guess if it's that good, is it?" The Sophie/Nate dynamic is much more understated this season, but it really, REALLY works. I love seeing them at partners, in crime some more.

PARKER WHEN DID YOU STEAL A CORPSE JFC?

I can't say enough how much I like seeing Sophie teach. Also she is very pretty this episode (and every episode, but I'm obsessed with her black cutout dress).

We see the beginnings here of Sophie teaching Hardison how to forge, which carries over into Redemption. Hardison likes learning about art and culture but doesn't always see how it ties into his speciality. Sophie helps him.

The past few episodes have really leaned into the Sophie & Parker dynamic, and I like it a lot. Through Parker, Hardison, and Eliot, they cover the three senses involved when really analyzing a relic: smell, touch, and taste.

"But to a mark that's always in his head, the heart con's the only one that works." I should start a list of lines that are super core to who Sophie is, because this is def on the list. It's about William and Nate and Sophie's entire career and Sophie herself.

"Some say she became a commoner in Massachusetts. Some say she died at sea. Some say she never left London at all." I've also never paid attention to the parallels between Sophie and the story she tells Keller about the mistress of King George III, but they are RIGHT THERE. This show makes me want to climb walls.

Nate is considering if Charlotte is Sophie's real name. He asks about it, in his way. She deflects and asks about the con. Notable here is how Sophie's doing all of this for the team. This is going to help them get to Moreau. Any effect that it has on her is something she's going to deal with on her own time.

This is the second time this season Eliot is stalling by taking people on a city tour.

A lovely shot of Sophie being excited during the auction - is it over the diary, about the way that Parker's playing the auctioneer, or both? I think it's both.

Watching Sophie and Nate hustle the auction crowd is incredible. Sophie uses neurolinguistic programming. Nate and Parker gang up on another guy in the crowd. 😂

"Is Sophie a princess?" We don't know it yet, but Sophie actually fulfills several roles in the Cinderella story: she is evil stepmother, fairy godmother, and Cinderella herself rolled into one.

"That storage locker was filled with some of the very first things I ever stole." Charlotte's past scandal has hurt her reputation deeply, but it doesn't matter. The team's done their job, with a lot of personal investment from Sophie.

Eliot gets a great fight scene with a belt!

Sophie is shown to be very motivated by the little girl throughout the episode, but the beats with the girl at the end happen with Eliot, who actually had contact with the girl and speaks her language. Much like Sophie's done with Astrid since leaving, Sophie's benefaction happens in the shadows.

It pales in comparison to everything else that's going on in this episode/this season, but earlier in the episode, Sophie says that The Mummy's Tiara is virtually impossible to pull off in a country with an actual monarchy. Our favorite team rewrites the book on crime, once again.

[cute-little-fly]

Now that some people have been discussing some stuff about HB again… I think I understand another reason why the criticism people make about the hellaverse and Viv as a creator bothers me in a different way than the criticism made for another shows, that I didn’t mentioned in a post I made a while ago…

One day I watched a criticism video about the last episode of the indie series “Murder Drones” (if you haven’t watched it go for it, it’s fun!) and the way the critic framed the criticism was very different.

For example, people in the hellaverse critical community will often say things like: “Viv doesn’t make her female characters compelling or developed enough, and that means she is probably mysoginistic or has a yaoi preference or a fetish”.

Contrary to that, this critic said this about about a character of Liam Vickens: “Uzi relationship with her father it’s rushed off, and Uzi’s father doesn’t do anything at the end and never redeems of what he did to her at the start. He is kinda ignored in the final battle and that was lame.” Which is a normal criticism imo.

However, imagine that he would have said: “probably Liam Vickens has daddy issues, and he projected those issues into Uzi’s father, therefore this is probably why he was framed as dumb and coward from the beginning to the end.”.

Like… do you see the difference here??? I really hope you see the difference, because in that way you would be close to understand why we struggle with the criticism.

It makes me a little but uncomfortable that sometimes people project things like that onto Viv when they don’t agree with her work. Like, I get that this could be because of how she sometimes calls out antis, and defends some of her characters like Stolas but like… you are looking worse in my eyes by doing these comments.

The critical community has normalized this at an extent that I find weird… no matter how flawed and wrong Viv can be seen sometimes, and how she openly talks about things like this. Like sex and fetishes… Is weird the way people project a lot as if they knew her irl.

What I am saying is that it’s different saying this: “I really question why Viv is so resistant to give her female characters in helluva boss development or spotlight, I think it’s a flaw of her work”. I would be completely fine with this criticism. Even agree at some extent (though I personally think the female leads are fine and just need more development and screentime)

That she puts more attention to male leads can have a lot of other reasons. Some female authors have admitted struggling to write women, and this might be because of our complicated feelings of being a woman in a patriarchal society. But… god forbid give the woman a benefit of the doubt in something.

This is what we mean when we talk about bad faith criticisms or comments… People act as if Viv purpose was to make a bad show, and not to care about it. Or like she is so incompetent that she shouldn’t even try… and I find that discouraging, because if even with its failures these shows have gotten so loved and popular by a portion of the fans… this means they are kinda covering a niche that wasn’t being filled.

Maybe the reason why people like HB it’s because Blitzø it’s not the typical protagonist asshole some people wish he was. Maybe because Stolas it’s not the typical love interest. Maybe because it reuses a lot of tropes but in an unexpected and weird way.

Like, if Blitzø was another shitty father like Dr Venture, I wouldn’t be as invested in this series. This combination of silly humour and drama it’s great. It could be done better but it’s great for some of us and is also not nice when you talk about us as if you understood our appreciation.

For me at least, It’s completely fine that people make blogs about their frustration of some not being how they expected originally if they didn’t do this stuff. I just wished that the criticism sometimes wouldn’t get as personal for her and for the fans of this show.

Sometimes we make analysis of certain scenes and moments, how that we claim to understand some of the characters deeply because we really feel we can understand them! But, we are being told that we are able to enjoy it because we project headcanons and fill the gaps of bad writing.

While this happens sometimes, like how we fill the gaps of how the non-shown Full Moons go that are basically all, it’s not only because of that that we like it. We also appreciate a lot of things directly shown in the series and we talk directly about them scene by scene and frame by frame.

At the end… this post is like a reflection or opinion about why I think talking about the shows in this particular way it’s something that creates a bad climate for it, and that the reason why there is so much friction in the community it’s the way the criticism is phrased for us (the fans) and the creators.

[our-trans-youth-experience]

When I went to the doctor today he was so nice and asked for me and my mum’s pronouns, which was awesome apart from the fact that my mum’s is transphobic.

I really wanted to say he/him- but cause i was with my mum I had to say she/her. (I’m 17 and ftm, my mum actually knows I’m trans but refuses to accept it, and so i went back in the closet about three years ago. I do actually pass as a guy most of the time with strangers, but get she/her’d and deadnamed by people I know)

It still meant the world to me, the way he asked was great too! He firstly asked how i identified, asking if I identified as female, male, nonbinary or other. And THEN also asked for pronouns. Which is important because gender doesn’t equal pronouns!

Honestly it was really uncomfortable to have my mum there (she said something like “well what do i look like” when he asked her :/ which was to be expected) but i was so happy that he was asking and that he’s a safe person to be around.

Especially since he’s a doctor that meant a lot.

I’m thinking of going to him (he’s a GP so can refer me and stuff I think) when I can finally start the process of gender affirming care, since I know he’s not transphobic.

idk just wanted to share :)

this really resonates with me! i’m out to my mom as nonbinary, but may be more boy oriented than previously thought, but too scared to tell her.

i also pass as a boy to strangers, but to people that know me i look like a girl still because i haven’t done anything major except tell them im nonbinary and i think most of them still perceive me as a girl.

i mean screw what your mom thinks, you can be whatever you want and i’m so happy your doctor is an ally!

~avery

[plasmara]

not the anon who sent that jay angst ask, but i wonder what it is with the ninjago fandom’s refusal to believe rogue is… not a good person? Like i feel as though we saw him smiling at jenny & barry or showing small moments of care, and then proceeded to ignore the fact that he has a service for kidnapping people and delivering them (bordering on human trafficking) & outwardly kills without remorse. i don’t even mess with jay tbh but i feel like his own fanbase uwu-fies him even as rogue. sure he’s in pain and is hurt but he’s also just… not a good person. He cruelly digs at wydlfyre many times over simple mistakes and even mocks her dead (?) boyfriend i feel like we need to start understanding he can be hurt and manipulated and also show mild amounts of compassion at times and also be an evil son of a bitch without dumbing him down to what we decide is ‘too far’ because what the fandom feels is ‘too far’ for rogue to go also kind of ? contributes to that uwufication of jay? As in there’s a limit to what rogue can do before we deem him too far gone from ‘og jay’ when we’ve seen time and time again that rogue is willing to do almost anything for a price.

and that’s not to say he’s outright genocidal maniac, i’m sure he has some point of what he’s not willing to do, but not for any reason of ‘that’s messed up’ because as we’ve seen his moral compass is way crooked but more so of ‘this is the not worth the hassle/ or this is not what i’m being paid for.’ and very, very light mix of ‘this is kind of messed up.’

we’ve seen him oppose the release of bad people (bleckt) not because bleckt was a bad person, but because precisely bleckt was a bad person and cannot be trusted to aid them on a mission that rogue was (at the time, under the impression) being paid for, which would end up causing problems.

While i’m not the other anon, i do feel it slightly in character for rogue to mock the other ninja especially in a moment of anger (which we know his temper is not only shorter, but way more extreme) but he has the capacity to be cruel and he does take it on more than one occasion, and is flippant response to others pain, even nya’s (at the end, when she’s clearly upset over his actions and his response is a pouty petulant frown and ‘try not to die before you pay me) despite being shown to obviously care for her. Don’t think it’s character assassination at all to hc rogue to be cruel in words (which he’s explicitly shown to be) in a moment of anger

Mmm anon im sorry but i just don’t agree. and im the last person to turn jay into some sort of completely innocent victim but you’re missing the point. yes he would absolutely be a jerk to them and Yes he would absolutely say something out of anger in a heated moment (and it wouldn’t even really need to be that heated) but that ask was about him repeatedly messing with them, faking vulnerability??? pretending to remember Just to twist the knife and laugh in their faces. he’s not just cruel for no reason. He’s not some evil cartoon villain who’s trying to make their lives hell or rub it in their faces that their friend is gone . In no way did i claim he was this misunderstood little baby who doesn’t know what he’s doing but at the same time people aren’t just simply ‘good’ or ‘bad’ . he has more layers to him than what’s explicitly shown. and Yes he’s done some truly terrible things like the ones you’ve listed above, but (imo!!!!!) he’s not getting off on hurting people. The things he’s done have a reason — even if that reason was just anger, pain, or self-preservation. but pure, calculated, sadistic cruelty????? For him to fuck with them like that multiple times just ‘for fun’? . that’s not him. and i think it’s missing a huge part of his character to try and paint him that way

[camerainbow]

Eddie Diaz Rant (Buddie included) *hopecore*

This is a long one but it’s pretty straightforward

I know the Buddies are upset by the finale but if we are assuming Buddie will become canon I’m kind of glad Eddie will have his support network in person when he starts to figure himself out and doesn’t have to confront how repressed he has been when in his former hometown (and away from Buck).

I think it’s a good thing to show people that you can figure out parts of yourself in your chosen home instead, I’m glad he got Chris back so that Buddie can be coparents as they’ve been set up to potentially be.

Yes the PR tour of Buddie stuff now feels like a distraction to that finale but I think it was kind of like: don’t lose hope Buddie shippers, even if it’s not now, it will happen. Grief doesn’t have to be the thing that causes you to find yourself (or realize someone is your partner who you hadn’t considered before) and it seems kinder to have Eddie figuring out himself in a later stage of grief after rebuilding his life in his ideal home: Los Angeles.

I do agree the El Paso storyline did feel like a lot for just getting Chris back but at least Eddie now knows his most supportive family is his chosen family (and Aunt Pepa as a more fitting maternal figure than what is in Texas, and someone who can step into the void Bobby’s death created within his support network). Also we got that great episode from the moving storyline of Buck supporting Eddie by subletting from him and he didn’t have to lose Chris’/his home when he sacrificed stuff to get his son. The progression of Buddie seemed stilted with the absence of Chris if I’m being honest, I’m looking forward to them in person again.

Buddie not being partners through the 118 in next season means they get to contextualize their relationship in a different way than before which is exciting(!) and I think Eddie will realize better the depth of Bucks love for him without the partner label. Also out and proud homosexual Hen being his medic partner (if we assume Chimney as Cap) will be exciting and I hope we see more of their relationship like we did in 8x17 (clearly the best episode of late S8). We might get to see more of Eddie channeling Bobby to find “another way” when presented with only two options during an emergency (though I see Chim also channeling Bobby).

I’m personally so glad we avoided the awkwardness of having to see the logistics of Eddie going back, selling that house, and Buck being asked to leave. Though yes I am mourning a sooner Buddie roommates reality :/

Once we saw the direction they were going with the El Paso storyline I kind of dreaded a rushed feelings realization if there was gonna be one in S8. I’m happy it will be explored more in depth and not be a sudden moment/cliffhanger, it feels more honest to the character. Even though it frustrates me as we grow more and more impatient. But we must remember Buck has only been canonically queer since S7, and they have only been on ABC for two seasons now. Queer slow-burn storylines when both of the characters begin their character arcs on the show as “canonically” (assumed) straight have to take longer than other slow-burns by design (for the general audience to accept).

After seeing the Buddie argument in the kitchen, I think the aftermath of Chris visiting creating the impression of it being all better would be a little too storybook. And although I didn’t really care for the regression of Buck’s feelings in this finale episode (he shut down again seeing his 118 family not heeled since he knew Eddie was leaving still), it did feel real for him to still be processing the grief and loss of his old normal.

The amount of shifting around (Chim to Captain, Eddie back but working with Hen presumably, hopefully more Buck Ravi bestie-ism) will be very interesting to watch in S9!

Most of what I’m worried about is honestly Athena’s storyline since we didn’t really see her actual thought process for selling the house, I don’t know how we will see them (her and the 118) interact in the future out side of work, we can assume they will be a family but since not every shift includes police response, will she be getting less screen time?

Let’s remain hopeful to the possibilities! I think this set up allows us to process Bobby’s death more over the hiatus and doesn’t use a queer storyline for shock value in a finale!

I totally understand anyone who steps away from the show for their own mental wellness, it’s a lot if you feel strung along, but there’s always hope as the show is not over. Be kind to yourself and don’t fall into a spiral of doom if you can help it <3

[addisong]

A List of Random, Very Specific Circle Headcanons I Have

Pulled all of these straight from my notes because I'm tired of keeping them to myself.

Robert is an introvert in the 'I hate people and don't want to be here' kind of way. Michael is an extrovert. Luke is a extroverted introvert.

Celine tried to teach Hodge French, but he never could quite learn. There is one phrase he does know though and he says it after murdering Celine and cutting Jace from her body :)

Celine has gotten high more than once. Usually during those times when she ran away from home and was looking for a quick way to escape/numb her feelings for a bit.

Stephen proposed to Amatis with her mother's ring (which Luke gave him beforehand)

Robert and Michael wear each other's clothes interchangeably.

Robert is chaotic on accident. He doesn’t mean to be that way, he’s just an absolute mess of a human being, so it happens naturally.

Valentine, Maryse, and Celine drink tea and hate coffee. Luke, Jocelyn, Hodge, and Amatis drink it black. Robert, Micheal, and Stephen drink it w/ milk and sugar.

Robert has a very interesting sense of humor. Kind of odd.

Celine is an etymology/language nerd. When she talks about those things, it's the most self-assured and confident she feels/sounds.

Luke is shorter than Amatis. Robert and Micheal are the same height, but taller than Maryse and shorter than Valentine.

Robert seems like a jean jacket kind of guy. Michael, Stephen, and Amatis would wear converse.

Stephen talks really fast for no reason at all

Eliza makes beaded jewelry as a hobby; does it with her sister sometimes too.

Eliza is a nature girlie. Absolutely adores plants and animals. Forests are her favorite place on Earth. Has memorized and can identify all different types of flowers, butterflies, and bugs. Knows everything there is to know about poison.

Luke has his father’s laugh and his mother’s smile. Amatis’ is all her mother.

Valentine likes to cause drama. Stephen and Maryse kind of enjoy it too. Robert and Michael like to gossip about it. Jocelyn couldn’t care less, neither could Luke.

Michael and Amatis are friends; like, really good friends.

Hodge is ace/aro

Stephen is always really frustrated with both of his parents. Imogen is a helicopter parent in a way. She kind of has high hopes for him to be the next Inquisitor or something, which he’s not really interested in. Marcus is okay, but he kind of does the “do what you mother said” thing and Stephen just wishes he’d grow a backbone.

Hodge, Robert, and Jocelyn are terrible with children as in they have no clue how to interact with them. (Robert and Jocelyn obviously get better once they have their own kids, but when they're younger)

Anytime they're in a Mundane city, Stephen likes to explain everything to them like they're five. (i.e. "This is a stop light. When green, we go. When red, we don't go ☝️🙅‍♂️" *proceeds to make them hold hands while they cross the street*)

Micheal can play the piano

Robert, Jocelyn, and Celine are cat people. Amatis, Eliza, and Michael are dog people. Stephen and Luke are both. Valentine, Hodge, and Maryse are neither.

Amatis’ and Luke’s mother used to sing them nursery rhythms and had a book of them (that she’d written down); after she left, they used to re-read that book over and over again to the point that now they have a bunch of nursery rhymes memorized and reference them often.

Pertaining to the above headcanon, Amatis starts to pick up Stephen’s mundane slang/phrases and he starts quoting nursery rhymes/lullabies more often because of how much she references them.

I have more (actually serious ones) but I'll leave it here for now.

[reacquaintedwith-air]

Anyway. Suffice it to say that I identify strongly with Scully for a whole lot of personality, mental health, and neurodivergence reasons (and yes, as someone on that spectrum, Scully reads way more that way to me than Mulder at any given point), and that is exactly why I don't think Scully is this beautiful little angel martyr who never did anything wrong in her life ever.

In many ways her lack of communication + big emotional outbursts + contradictory impulses and lies about what she wants are the main reason she's stuck in a situation where Mulder keeps hurting her, her family keeps hurting her, and she keeps ending up with less than what she wants.

if you don't say what you want and need, don't set any boundaries, blow up with 'people ask too much of you' or you get overwhelmed (without at any point saying you're getting overwhelmed or that the stress is getting to you or that you're not getting what you're hoping for from the people around you) and then lie and deflect when asked what's wrong and what you do want, then yeah, you're not going to get what you want because absolutely no one knows what you're 'hinting' about or trying to make happen. what's more people will end up treating you like an emotionally fragile bomb to diffuse, who might decide to trash the whole relationship if asked to modify your behavior, instead of someone who can deal with a conversation about wants and needs in a two way exchange.

That kind of avoidant-hostile behavior makes a lot of no-win situations that you created for yourself, and then the other person conveniently takes the blame for both of you a lot of the time.

So yeah, seeing a lot of myself in Scully is exactly why I sometimes say i think Mulder can do better and why I don't think he put them in the acrimonious, tense relationship they were in in much of s4, s5 and s6. Sure, he got fed up and started snarking back and distancing himself as the holding pattern wore on and Scully kept up a pattern of extreme neediness and avoidance-with-prejudice. But he wasn't 'pushing her away' or 'punishing her' or 'being consumed by guilt,' it reads as him responding to her surprisingly consistent pattern of on screen behavior, which. I'd bet that if someone's playing emotional yo-yo with you, you'd get snappish and withdrawn, too.

And yes, ultimately I don't think they can stay apart. And yes part of me wants to see Mulder always forgive Scully for her behavior because it's a comforting fantasy for me. But it's also a cathartic fantasy for me to see him make her confront and deal with the consequences of her mind games sometimes because it's a way to help me make sense of the times people I cared about have cut me out of their lives "for no reason."

And no it isn't 'more equal and fair' to erase her flaws and always let her off the hook.

[karmacharmeleon18]

I've seen you talk about Kevin and other things (I totally agree, and I love your analysis). I'd like to know what you think about Jeremy and your analysis of him and Jean (I love them).

By the way, I get the impression that Leo and Kevin are a "parallel" in terms of men that Jean and Jeremy will overcome to be together. Leo sold Jeremy for a car (a means of transporting him wherever he wants, something for his freedom). We can understand that Kevin "sold" (or rather, sacrificed) Jean to gain his freedom as well. It wasn't a sellout per se, but yes, I think there's a parallel here.

Jeremy and Jean have been betrayed by people they loved. And yet, they've continued to acquiesce, to a certain extent, in their continued mistreatment. Kevin would undoubtedly "sell" Jean again to escape as well (even if the fandom doesn't want to see it).

What are your thoughts on this?

I think that, at the same time that Jeremy tells Leo to fuck off, Jean will tell Kevin to fuck off (I don't think these two will still be in touch when this is all over, I'm pretty sure of it).

Omg I’m so sorry I didn’t answer sooner but I didn’t get a notification 😭 now I’m logged on my laptop and making my way through all the stuff the app didn’t show me and this is 5 DAYS OLD??????? I’m so sorry and thank you for your patience!

I’m going to split this into sections because my brain feels fried tonight and I need some order lol

Jeremy

Jeremy Knox (Moreu🤞🏾) my beloved ❤

I adore Jeremy, I would kill for Jeremy, I would die for Jeremy, I would live for Jeremy (I am secretly Jean Moreau)

But! I don't talk much about him because there's just so. much. we. don't. know. He is so sunny and yet so closed-off, his family is so big, so complicated

What do you mean we don't even know what Joshua's text said?

What do mean we don’t even know when his parents got divorced exactly and his family started unraveling?

What do you mean all the sex scenes are fade-to-black and barely described because Jeremy might be disassociating the whole time?

What do you mean he might be suicidal but we only got one throwaway half-sentence about it?

Figuring out one Jeremy Knox is hard as shit

So for the most part, I just go along with Jean's opinion of him lol the more their relationship develops, the more they interact, the more I see Jeremy

And not because Jeremy only exists as part of JereJean, but because Jeremy is just so inscrutable on his own

So I collect every little tidbit, every little clue, every morsel like a little raccoon from Jean's POV (which includes Cody's and Cat's and Laila's words and opinions on Jeremy) to try and figure him out

Like Cody saying that you did not want to cross freshman (on drugs) Jeremy

Was it because he was on drugs? Or was Jeremy always a bit of an asshole, and the drugs just accentuated that?

Realistically, Jeremy grew up as a rich white boy in 2000s White Supremacy Land (🦅🦅🦅). It makes sense that even before the drugs, he was probably the classic stereotype of a rich kid: arrogant, carefree, fucking around (literally) and finding out without a care in the world because he knew he always had a comfortable cushion to fall back on if things went sideways

We don’t know exactly when Mathilda married into the Wilshire family, but I assume Jeremy was in middle school? Start of high school? But even before that, Mathilda is a doctor, and considering how snobbish she is, she probably comes from a good upper-middle class if not rich rich family herself, her mother was a popular actress (though that can mean everything and nothing, because in the past being a famous female lead wasn't necessarily enough to make you super rich)

(It would be so interesting to see what compelled her to marry a military man and have 5 kids with him… a bout of teenage rebellion? Or were they high school sweethearts and then he decided to join the Army? Or maybe she does not come from money, actually, and only after she got a taste of what life with money could be like she decided to move on from him)

As a teen Jeremy wasn’t particularly guarded with his sexuality, to the point that most people in high school knew he was gay in early 2000s USA. Was it because he knew the power of the Wilshire family? That one donation would make any scandal go away? That no one would dare lay a hand against him, no matter how strong their bigotry?

Teen Jeremy clung to the Knox name, to the idea of their family, but he still undoubtedly benefited from being associated with the Wilshires. And still does, considering it was only thanks to a 7 figure donation to USC that part of the banquet scandal was covered up, ensuring that he could still be a Trojan, which led up to the story as it is today, with him being the captain of the team

Jeremy has a lot of privilege. And it comes at a very high price: his freedom

This is what drives me insane about Jeremy and Jean, outwardly they couldn’t be more different as people, and yet their circumstances and their darkest thoughts about themselves are so similar

They are so similar afhabkadjsbfasj

Really cute and fitting art by @bananakeiky that encapsulates JereJean, their very different personalities and dispositions and yet very similar views of themselves:

I love these two oblivious idiots so so so soooo much 😭🥹

I’m convinced that Jeremy is the best possible person for Jean. And Jean is the best possible person for Jeremy.

Cat, Laila, the floozies, Rhemann are all great people for Jeremy and Jean

But Jeremy and Jean can understand each other in a way no one else can

In Jeremy, Jean sees someone who went through neglect, trauma, grief and still came out of it so openly, undeniably, proudly kind

In Jean, Jeremy found someone that will not flinch away from the darkest parts of him, that will understand and reciprocate that kindness in a way no one else can

(Jean will treat you so right, Jeremy, just you wait)

Jeremy’s “sex addiction”

In a previous pots I mentioned how Jeremy uses hookups as a substitute for drugs: Jeremy has a personality that is prone to addictions and even before the drugs, he enjoyed hookups as a teenager; then his attention was almost fully taken up by the pills and the cocaine, and once that was removed, back he went to old habits, only worse

So, so, so much worse

Because if before sex was fun, now it’s a way for Jeremy to hurt himself

imo Jeremy is not addicted to sex because of the pleasure

(and atp I don’t even know if most people would consider it a sex addiction at all then? but bear with me)

Jeremy enjoys casual sex because his hookups treat him in the exact way he believes he deserves to be treated

Jeremy believes he deserves to be treated like shit

And sure, his family also treats him like shit, but that’s only half of the equation

The other half is that with his hookups Jeremy gets to feel useful, he gets to feel like he has a purpose, a positive impact on someone else on an intimate level

(I think this is why Nora called him a service top, he believes he can’t be anything else, he can’t take pleasure, he only deserves to give it)

The Wilshires consider him good for nothing, but for his hookups he’s good at one thing at least

(he’s still not good enough to be treated kindly, to be romanced, to be loved, and that’s ok because he doesn’t deserve that anyway, right?)

His hookups always happen after moments of emotional turmoil for Jeremy, and they’re all fade-to-black

This might just be because Nora doesn’t care to describe sex that isn’t JereJean… but it might also be because Jeremy straight up disassociates the whole time??????

And maybe THAT is what he’s addicted to??????

Before: sex is fun!

Now: when I have sex, only the other person matters, I can stop thinking, I can stop existing as Jeremy Knox

Cocaine can make you feel unstoppable, invincible, and for a teenager that feels like he’ll never be enough for his parents, that is incredibly addicting

But for current Jeremy? The Jeremy that feels responsible for his little brother’s death? He doesn’t deserve to feel unstoppable and invincible, he deserves to feel like nothing, like he doesn’t even exist

The disassociation is the addiction

(of course this is mostly speculation, because Jeremy is just too inscrutable to me 😕)

I would love, absolutely LOVE for Jeremy to tell Leo (and Faser, and every other hookup) to fuck off and rot, you piece of shit. I would love a good verbal evisceration and maybe a right hook 👊💥

But do I expect it? Not really 😂

Because for Jeremy it’s just so important to not be that type of person

It’s like the Trojans never getting a red card in 4 years and then headcanoning that they get one to protect Jean, you know?

The Trojans just don’t want to be that type of team

And while I believe that some of the Trojans behave this way out of self-righteousness, it’s not the case for Jeremy

In the beginning, Jeremy’s behavior came from an unhealthy place, his belief that being the perfect captain and sportsmanlike athlete is the only thing that can make up for the fact that he is Jeremy

But now, I think Jeremy truly appreciates the effect that good sportsmanship can have on people, the type of example he is setting for younger athletes, for queer athletes: you can be one of the best without having to resort to violence, to cheap shots; people will hate you and put you down but you will never stay down, and the people that count will support and admire you

Jeremy has discovered kindness and he’s never going back

Jeremy is not the type of person to treat others unkindly not because he is perfect, not because he is uwu my little blorbo too pure for this world

But because he very much doesn’t want to be that type of person

It’s so important for him that he is not.

So I have to put all my wishes of glorious, violent vindication aside and respect that this is Jeremy, you know?

Maybe Nora will surprise us, maybe she will give us a Jeremy spitting venom at his tormentors and punching an asshole or two in the face

But if she doesn’t, that’s ok, that makes sense

Learning to stand up for yourself doesn't necessarily mean learning to be less kind

Kevin and Leo might be parallels in the way Jean and Jeremy simply walk away from them in the end (together, holding hands)

.

Kevin

I know some people in the fandom see Kevin as some sort of super-ally-mastermind but I don’t think he could have ever predicted the bond Jean and Jeremy formed. Kevin just saw a kind man nicknamed Captain Sunshine and decided that if someone had a chance to take in a stray Raven and turn him into a human, it was him. The fact that Jeremy is gay and the Trojans the quuerest college team in the country is not a coincidence, I do think Kevin was looking out for Jean in some way, but there’s no way Kevin could have predicted JereJean. Kevin barely sees Jean as a person. He sees him as a Raven, only worse, because other Ravens were assets, while Jean was property and treated as such. Kevin saw Jean being treated like an animal, year after year, and saw the fight slowly bleed out of him, year after year

I don’t think he started seeing Jean as a full-fledged person until he saw him in California. And not because Kevin is as evil as Riko. But simply because Kevin witnessed almost all traces of humanity being stripped from Jean

In general, this is one of Kevin’s problems in my opinion: because of his upbringing and trauma, Kevin sees those around him as athletes first, them being people is secondary

Which is why he ignored all the abuse happening in the Nest, not only the cruelty directed at Jean. The Ravens were dominating as athletes, and that’s all Kevin cared about. And he’s the same with the Foxes, they matter to him as athletes, not as people

I’m gonna borrow something I wrote in my first Kevin analysis:

“But where Kevin is hellbent on making everyone around him miserable, because his whole life he’s been convinced that greatness is born from misery, Neil wants to make everyone around him better for the sake of being better.

Better Exy players, but better people, too. Neil understands you can’t have one without the other. But Kevin is so single-mindedly focused on Exy that he doesn’t care about the people, he only cares about the athletes.”

So even removed from the context of the Nest/cult/abuse, Kevin has a problem relating with other people as people

He is aware that they are people, it just doesn’t matter to him

But with Jean, I’m not sure he thought of him as a person for a long time

Strip a Fox of the athlete, and you’ll find a damaged person

Strip Jean of the athlete, and you’ll find a beaten animal

(I’m not saying it’s Kevin’s fault, that Kevin is the antichrist or Riko’s “other half”, I’m saying that Kevin was abused by a cult and his vision of life and humanity was warped to such a dramatic extent that he genuinely struggles with making human connections, and it’s the same issue the other Ravens have, and they, too, don’t see Jean as a person, but as an object to be passed around, a creature to abuse)

I think that, in his own way, Kevin does care for Jean. Just not enough.

He cared about Jean… but he still asked Jean to teach him French, knowing full well Jean’s punishment if found out would be terrible. He still gave Jean articles about the Trojans with pictures of Jeremy in them, knowing full well that Riko would make Jean bleed almost to death if he discovered him, because queers don’t belong on his Court, and what else could you possibly be doing with articles about Knox and his team when you can barely read English?

This is what I dislike the most about Kevin. He never thinks about the consequences. Because he doesn’t care. As long as the consequences don’t affect him directly, he doesn’t care

Kevin sees most people as existing for him

(not in the same way as Riko did, who fully believed he owned others; Kevin was simply taught that everyone has a role at Evermore, and Kevin’s is to be one of the best, top of the food chain, and everyone else has do his bidding and take insult after insult from him; he keeps this same behavior with the Foxes and with Jean, this is what we – Kevin critics – mean when we say that Kevin constantly pulls rank: he gives orders and throws insults because he believes it’s his right to do so)

Kevin wanted a friend in the Nest, and here comes this terrified young boy that will cling to anyone that shows him an ounce of gentleness. So Kevin gets a friend, and gets to learn a language they can gossip in that no one else understands, and gets to talk about the Trojans as much as he wants and if Riko finds out, who is he most likely to focus all his wrath on, his brother or the queer foreign boy?

Let me repeat again that Kevin is a victim. Like Thea. Like every Raven. Like Riko.

So why do I dislike him so much? Again, because consequences. All Kevin needs to do to survive the Nest is believe in the Master. He doesn’t need French lessons, he doesn’t need to share articles about the Trojans. He doesn’t need a friend who is Riko’s property

But Kevin still wants all those things and gets them, because fuck what the consequences are for Jean, and that’s what I have an issue with

And then, in that first year in the Nest, their friendships dies, because too much happens between them, too much violence (against Jean), too much abuse (against Jean), too much torture (against Jean), and Jean had to give and give and give to Riko and the Master already, he couldn’t also give to Kevin all that Kevin wanted. Because as I’ve said before, Kevin is a taker, he takes your time and attention and your knowledge of another language and your passion for another team, and in exchange he turns the other way as you get tortured

(not that he could do anything about it, but imagine being Jean and the guy you idolize just wants to use you for what benefits you can bring him)

And if that’s not enough, when Riko breaks his hand, Kevin uses that old, long-dead friendship against Jean to convince him to distract Riko as he makes his escape

“If you were ever friends with me, get him out of my room.”

And Jean does

And Kevin escapes

And Jean almost gets killed by Riko for it

And in TSC we get a moment that is very important but easily forgotten: when Jean is staying at Abby’s and Kevin visits him, Jean sees bottomless guilt in his eyes

That’s something, right?

I do think Kevin and Leo are parallels, but still, I would not compare them beyond a surface-level assessment, beyond the guy uses you when he can benefit from it, but doesn’t care for you the rest of the time

Yes, on the surface Kevin and Leo are both the subjects of misplaced, ill-advised affection, they are untrustworthy, selfish and would 100% do it again

But Leo is just a rich kid, a privileged asshole, someone who could make so many different choices and yet he always chooses to hurt Jeremy

Kevin never had much of a choice. He was in a cult. Yes, he was treated like a little god, a prince of the court always serving his King by most of the people at Evermore. But he was still abused by the Master like every other Raven. And he was still stuck with Riko

In the beginning their relationship wasn’t too terrible, in a world of abuse, they clung to each other. Kevin hated Riko like he hated nobody else, but he also loved Riko like he loved nobody else. He arrived at the Nest as a kid, after losing his mother, his entire world. He needed something, someone to cling to or he would lose his mind with grief and never survive the Master’s abusive tactics. And this is what cults do, no one is safe because they know how to take advantage of your grief, how to make sure you fall into their clutches when you’re at your weakest (and in Kevin’s and Jean’s case, they orchestrated the conditions for such grief to happen in the first place, by killing Kayleigh and convincing the Moreaus into trafficking their son). Pretty soon he started to believe the Master’s teachings, that he belonged by Riko’s side, his perpetual second, his submissive adoptive brother. He accepted that, convinced himself of it. To survive. And he was content with his life, with the bright future he had ahead of him if only he could endure and ignore what was happening around him

But then the Master gave Jean to Riko, and Riko got a taste of absolute power over another person, and impunity, and he slowly started descending into madness. That was always his fate, with all the pressure the Master put on him, and all the disappointment of being a spare Moriyama, but I believe that Jean was the catalyst for the Riko-madness speedrun.

Maybe Riko would have shattered Kevin’s hand in every universe; maybe that was the inevitable ending, because Riko is Riko, and Kevin is Kevin, and once Thea puts it in Kevin’s mind that he is better than the King, he inevitably, in every universe, starts testing the limits, pushing boundaries; and in every universe the Master notices his talent and decides to pit them against each other to determine who’s the rightful King

Or maybe Riko only shatters Kevin’s hand in this universe, the universe where Jean was his property, where he became addicted to having absolute power over someone else and torturing those who were already down

Which would mean that without Jean, without all the horrible things he endured in the Nest, in this universe Kevin could never be free

Kevin’s freedom comes at Jean’s expense, not only on that terrible day, but from the moment Jean was born

And isn’t that a terrible thought?

(and also… the only reason Kevin manages to escape is that Jean is kind, that one mention of their dead friendship is enough to convince Jean to distract the monster, and isn’t that also terrible? That Jean’s kindness was almost his demise? … but then, Renee realizes Jean is dying because Jean decides that his last coherent action in his existence is to text her to thank her, so Jean’s kindness is also what saves him and I-- askgfsjfgshafkjb)

Anyway, Kevin didn’t have much of a choice. I am angry that he left Jean to die, took advantage of Jean’s gentle nature and trapped him into distracting Riko. If Riko was angry before, he was absolutely furious once he realized Jean helped Kevin escape (albeit unknowingly)

And I’m angry about the French lessons and the Trojan articles, and all the instances where Jean would be brutally punished if found out while Kevin could just shrug the whole incident off, just like he shrugs off the fact that Jean was raped several times. I’m boiling with rage

But I also understand that Kevin was an abused teenager who grew up in a cult. He was desperate to have a friend in the Nest. And then he was desperate to escape

And Jean knows that:

Jean never expected Kevin to protect him. Jean never expects anyone to protect him. Zane only does so in exchange for a spot on the Perfect Court, and even he would never dare contradict Riko. Yes, Kevin had some sway with Riko, Riko did love him in his own way, but at the end of the day, Riko is a Moriyama, and Kevin is not (and even as a Moriyama, your value depends entirely on your date of birth). By normal standards, their dynamic is less of brothers and more of master and pet (Nora verbatim calls Kevin Riko’s pet in the extra content). You love your pets, you indulge them when it costs you nothing (history classes) but if you’re an abusive piece of shit, you will also always put them back in their place whenever they overstep

And remember when Neil was in the Nest? Jean was his partner, and yet he couldn’t protect him from Riko’s violence. Didn’t even try. All he could do was patch him up and beg him to behave

Jean never expected Kevin’s help. That’s how things work in the Nest

Jean would’ve slashed Kevin’s tires to prevent his escape. Not as a way to avoid Riko’s wrath. But because he knew that with a broken hand Kevin would only last a couple of months in the Nest before killing himself. And at that point Jean would be free to follow.

For Jean, Kevin’s worst slight against him was not leaving him in the Nest to die

It was keeping him out of it to live

Don’t get me wrong, a part of Jean will always suffer because of Kevin’s betrayal, and I do think that a part of him wants Kevin to die for reasons unrelated to their promise, purely because he wants to be free from Kevin Day, because Kevin Day represents everything that was done to him in the Nest

For a couple of years, Kevin symbolized a reprieve in the midst of a nightmare

But now?

Now that Jean is living in the light of the California sun, Kevin symbolizes the fear, the anger, the powerlessness Jean felt in those awful years at Evermore

Kevin went from being a dream within a nightmare, to part of the nightmare itself

Following him all the way to California

One look too close at Kevin, and Jean is transported back to all the painful punishments he incurred because of Kevin

(directly - the French lessons, Kevin's escape - and indirectly - Riko realizing Jean is queer and deciding to torture the queerness out of him)

That’s why I keep bringing up Jean's reaction to close contact with Kevin, so strong, so visceral that Jeremy is perplexed by it:

This goes beyond the internalized homophobia of: "oh, shit, I was attracted to a guy", or the reminder that "oh, shit, I was attracted to this guy"

This is the horror of someone who's awaiting punishment, who's feeling breath on the back of his neck and blades against his skin. Jean might even be experiencing a proper flashback of all the painful things he's had to bear because of "this guy"

Jeremy is not jealous in that moment. He is perplexed. Concerned. Because Jean was spiraling and he didn't understand why

So what can Jean do now?

I know we all want vindication for Jean. We all want an epic badass moment where Jean punches Kevin in the face and tells him to fuck off. We all want Kevin begging for forgiveness on his knees (as if!)

But deep down, all I want is for Jean to feel indifferent

He deserves to be relieved of all the powerfully negative feelings Kevin elicits in him

I want Jean to be free

Free of every ghost belonging to the Nest... and Kevin is one of them

And sure, one could feel liberated after punching someone in the face lol

But violence is the Ravens' way

The best possible thing Nora can do for Jean, is have him walk away from Kevin

That's the closure he deserves

And I don't mean forever, before I get attacked again by Kevin stans. But right now Jean hates Kevin, and I want him to stop feeling such negative emotions and focus on himself, and all the positivity around him

Jean "getting over Kevin" doesn't necessarily mean shutting Kevin out of his life completely

But right now I do think it’s necessary, Jean simply cannot heal with Kevin around, because Kevin is still a Raven at heart:

In a few years I can see them having the same relationship they have right now (barely interacting, but being mostly civil with each other when they have to), minus the hatred and violence simmering right under the surface

One day they could even have the same type of rapport Kevin has with Jeremy at the moment, of long-distance approval, maybe even admiration

They could, potentially, become friendly in the future

(I don't know about proper friends, though: Nora said Kevin's behavior forever destroyed any chance at a friendship with Jean, that at the moment Kevin doesn't have any friends, and it'll take him years, well into his pro career, to create genuine bonds with Neil, Andrew, Jeremy, even Thea, despite her being the closest person to him right now - and that says a lot, too)

But right now I just want Jean to be free

And the same goes for Jeremy, and it goes far beyond Leo, he is a stand-in for the Wilshires, and that is Jeremy’s main issue

Jeremy and Jean feel so much

That the best type of vindication can only come from them not feeling anything anymore for the people that hurt them

Jean needs to walk away from Kevin to heal, and Jeremy needs to walk away from Leo, the hookups and the Whilshires to heal

In a way, Jean is in a better, more promising situation than Jeremy. Because Jean is far away from the Nest, and has minimal contact with Kevin. But Jeremy is forced to see his family every day, and forces himself to see Leo because hookups are the only thing he can control at the moment

Boy, oh, boy, Jeremy is about to break

And Jean will be there to hold him together

And maybe at the end of it all they will finally start living

(I'm not sure my heart can take it 🥹 I'm not ready for Book 3 but at the same time I am SAT)

[vasito-de-leche]

I haven't seen anyone request this and I've been,,,,really dying for more content of her but pretty please general dating headcanons with Tennant 😭 i keep imagining she'd be such an amazing lover and love your writing so much

;R1999 TENNANT - Relationship Headcanons

Compilation of headcanons about Tennant in a romantic relationship.

sorry for the late reply! I got a bit burned out from replying asks, but now I'm going back to writing here cause I got burned out from playing the game lmfao

Tennant is still one of my favorite characters to think about and analyze hohohoho sorry for the insane gender tangent at the beginning, I started thinking and the gears just kept on going and going

Okay, walk with me for a second. This might be a very confusing tangent, but I swear it's important for the romance later on in the post and I really really wanna talk about this! This also sparked an entire awesome discussion about gender within the game in our R99 server, so I might make a separate post about that!

Tennant's choice to act and present herself within a traditionally masculine role is very important to me; in my previous analysis of her character, I talked about how Tennant is an extremely grounded character due to the life she's led as a perpetrator, victim and witness to crimes of oppression. We also have her opinions regarding arcanist and human division within the setting of the game, along with her so called "lies"--the performance she puts on for the women she seduces and then profits from when scamming rich merchants--and all these things continue to put Tennant as an outlier, someone who doesn't conform to what is expected of her. In that very same post, I failed to bring up the importance of defying gender and embracing sexuality that her character also tackles to a degree. So I gotta do it here, man, I NEED to talk about it here.

The game puts a lot of focus on female identities, so the concept of gender queer fuckery that I love isn't explored as broadly as I'd like, but it's still there explored through many aspects of womanhood. And we do have characters like Medicine Pocket, The Fool, John Titor and Tennant (and many Awakened, like Lucy, but no one is ready for that conversation yet) who clearly do not conform to what's expected of them.

There is always this feeling of not fitting in within any of the options available, of picking the secret third option and so on--Medicine Pocket as an intersex character, is very vocal about not caring about gender. The Fool has a single voiceline which he states that he does not have any gender, which can be interpreted as his actual identity (being gender queer) or as part of his motifs about acting (playing female and male roles as an actor). John Titor has absolutely no comments nor voicelines regarding her identity, but we can gleam similarities to the queer experience through her appearance, her name being traditionally masculine, and the "otherness" presented in her backstory.

With Tennant specifically, this aspect of gender can be conflated with her entire theme of deceit, and while I respect people choosing to analyze and perceive their favorite characters in whichever way they want to, I feel like reducing Tennant's choice to present herself in such masculine ways as a superficial decision gotcha o7

or mindlessly praising her for being butch without analyzing the possible context behind it is just a huge disservice to the character. Especially considering she is one of the few charactes who has been explicitly mentioned as queer, making other women fall in love with her, unlike others that remain as subtext or heavy implications--Schneider and Vertin's kiss under the umbrella, or Matilda's crush on Sonetto.

Hell, we even get a voiceline about it from Tennant:

I don't dislike dresses. They are pretty, delicately embroidered, intricately sewed apparels. They are what I'm supposed to wear, not these trousers. Heh, destiny holds a different plan, doesn't it?

There is clearly an intent behind these choices Bluepoch has made in creating characters that defy gender norms. I don't think it's a coincidence that Tennant's era, the 1940s, is also when gender queerness in butch women started to be more apparent.

But also, gender is not as direct or straightforward; I personally like to perceive Tennant's masculinity the same way I perceive her lies--there is a Tennant that presents masculine as a personal choice, because it simply feels more natural, and a Tennant that presents as masculine because she is aware of how she can profit from the, at the time, dominant gender. We can find nuance in the way she exploits people looking to invest in the diamond industry, which she was part of and knows closely due, and there is a vulnerability or solidarity to be acknowledged in the way she doesn't hurt the women she seduces, she sells them a dream of love and carries on. Her queerness can also be found here, in the way she plays the role of gentleman for all the damsels in distress and whatnot, in times in which traditional gender norms had to permeate every aspect, whether they were welcomed or not.

My friend @evilpinkthing worded this point very well.

I like to think that Tennant is reclaiming herself, her identity, her freedom and all of these things through her masculinity, while also both profiting and being singled out as a result. It's the same three roles she's witnessed through her life; perpetrator, victim, and witness.

So with this in mind, I can now properly talk about relationship headcanons!

Contrary to popular belief, Tennant is a gentle and calm partner.

When it comes down to it, I think that Tennant would enjoy a more traditional relationship in terms of having a long-term partner--something more domestic and quiet, to be able to go on simple dates in broad daylight rather than sneak around in the dark and keep her relationships a secret from the world.

This isn't to say that she doesn't enjoy the thrill of her suave tactics and escapades, if her partner enjoys those, she would gladly indulge them once in a while! But Tennant strikes me as someone who would enjoy settling down and living that domestic bliss fantasy; on one hand because it's the type of life that was often denied to queer people, and on the other hand because she is a hopeless romantic deep down. I feel like this adds a fun dichotomy to her character, to be so unconventional and still yearn for someone to grow old with, to live in a quaint little house and provide for her partner, instead of a rollercoaster of emotions.

No matter who you are, she will insist on playing the role of gentleman. No matter how old you two are, she will always open the doors open for you, always make sure to gift you flowers every week, to insist that you two simply sit in the living room on a sunny afternoon and chat or go outside and have a picnic.

She dreams of the ideal way of proposing, to have a quaint wedding party only to surprise you by showering you with endless gifts from her previous thefts and scams, just so she can look at your reaction when she tells you about the time she got shot while trying to steal this ring in particular and so on. Tennant loves peppering these little surprises here and there, and would also melt whenever her partner goes out of their way to surprise her in return--it's just hard to tell because of her insane poker face.

Of course, these are all what ifs; if her partner wasn't the type to want this sort of life, she wouldn't raise any objections--but she wouldn't share her dreams either, knowing that they may cause a rift between you two. Instead, Tennant would simply stay with you for as long as you'll allow her and enjoy the ride, always focusing on her present with you. She's not a stranger to heartbreak, so she knows how to accept a break up with elegance and move on.

On the subject of Tennant's orientation.

Usually I never discuss a character's orientation when writing relationship headcanons about them since they're all left pretty ambiguously but, again, since Tennant's preference for women is made pretty explicit, I feel it's important to discuss it!

Given the themes of non-conformity within her character and how thoughtful she is, I like to think Tennant does have a preference for women but is ultimately open to any sort of partners, regardless of gender identity. She has led a very eventful life and thus would feel that sticking to one thing or another is too limited for her; why pick one diamond when she can just take them all? Why limit herself to wearing dresses and baking pies, when she can be and do much more than what's expected?

Most of the characters I've analyzed so far strike me as the type to not really bother with the struggle of identity--they've always known where they stand or simply do not care about the way they're perceived--but with Tennant, I do like the idea of her struggling with coming to terms with her own orientation and identity as a masculine woman. But rather than an outer struggle, it's more so an inner struggle. She doesn't care what the world might think of her, but she does have to get rid of those ideas and mindsets she might've internalized while growing up.

This also means that Tennant is one of the best people to talk to in regards to your own issues with identity and whatnot! Characters like Pavia or Diggers might simply brush it off with ease, since they themselves had no issue accepting their non-conventional lifestyles. Some others are still in the process of figuring it out themselves, and some are so repressed they will most likely scare you back into the closet on accident. But Tennant? She's attentive and understanding, never taking her partner's struggles lightly.

Round of cute things I didn't know where to fit in.

Tennant likes roleplaying, but not exclusively in bed or more private settings--I think she just enjoys lighthearted and playful roleplay as an excuse to brush up on her seduction techniques, pretending to be the perfect stranger at a bar to flirt with you, insisting that your husband doesn't have to know, while you play along and tell her that you're spoken for and waiting for someone else until one of you breaks character. It's straight up enrichment for her, and she really enjoys surprising you with these Wattpad sounding ass settings just to see how you'll keep up with her.

Regardless of your stance on marriage, Tennant makes a point of gifting you a ring with a diamond she created--one that will not turn into coal nor ashes for as long as you two are together, as a token of her devotion. It's also extremely hard for others to notice whenever Tennant is in a committed relationship, but if you pay attention, you'll notice all the new different accessories and pins she keeps wearing on her hat or jacket that remind her of you, just subtle enough to pass off as yet another aesthetic choice of hers, but so obvious for the love of her life.

Insists that you wear her cologne; Tennant playfully jokes with you about this, saying that this way all of the world will know who holds your heart in her hands--but she's not joking. I do think Tennant has a possessive streak, one she keeps on a tight leash to avoid scaring her partner and whatnot, but you can just tell how much she covets and cherishes you in the way she looks at you. Sometimes she says things like "Oh, you're such a precious gem, I could just lock you up forever" while laughing and twirling your hair through her fingers, but she means it. Sort of kind of!

Tennant is the type of character who looks like she'd love to wear matching and custom tailored expensive outfits with her partner, but personally? I think she's more partial to whatever you want to have as your personal style, the more it contrasts her own the better. Tennant greatly respects anyone who has the courage to live as loud, proud and happy as they can be.

[radioactive-yuri]

imagine ianthe's suffering rn. its so funny to me. girl all u wanted was power and i respect that but turns out that the side effect of power isnt the moral implications or whatever, its dealing with god's personal drama.

[slayerdurge]

i gotta say i do love durge & minthara just standing in the corner cheering on astarion as he ascends. best enablers in baldur's gate. 💖

[swiftcast-selene]

miqomarch 2025 ₊‧⁺˖ family.

"whatever happened to going to bed?" "couch is just as nice. there's room for a fourth, aye?" "...i suppose a few minutes won't hurt."

[katierosefun]

okay so now that i’ve officially finished watching leverage i just want to say that maybe i’m obsessed with this show on multiple levels and something about how it hits so many itches in that it’s about found family and it’s about fucking over bad, rich guys (no billionaire bootlicking in this show! and i fucking love it) and it’s also about how sometimes the bad guys are the only good guys you get and it’s also about how we are all stronger together it’s about how at the start of this show, we have all of these characters who are largely used to working alone and being alone and yet the show concludes that ultimately, we are better when we are together and by being together, we might be able to leave something behind that is bigger and brighter for the next people in our generation and no man is an island and no person is meant to beat goliath on their own or whatever

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Terribly upset that I am willing to put so much love and effort into a relationship and people aren't willing to put in slightly more than the bare minimum for me