#and he seems so smart honestly it would be so interesting to have a conversation with him

[padfootagain]

I know I have said it before, but let me say it again... I am obsessed with Unreal Unearth, that is the best album ever made...

[reidmotif]

"Technically" Not A Student

Summary: Reader is Alex Blake’s TA, and after a guest lecture, Spencer seems to take a liking to her .

Prompt:You’re Alex Blake’s TA when a Dr. Reid comes to guest lecture. Things get heated quickly when you're alone.

Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader

Category: Smut

Content Warning: Reader POV, guestlecturer!Spencer , age gap (roughly 10 years), car sex, heavy making out, unprotected sex, slight female masturbation, Spencer is smart and that's HOT, heavy sexual tension

Word Count: 5.1k

Being asked to be Alex Blake’s TA was the opportunity of a lifetime, and when it was presented to me as a first-year graduate student at Georgetown, I took it eagerly and never looked back. 

She had personally approached me after I’d finished a semester in her forensic linguistics class as a freshman, and commended me on my dedication to the material and my general work ethic, and then inquired if I’d ever consider filling out an application as her teaching assistant starting the next semester. 

I immediately agreed. It was a no-brainer. Blake was a seasoned professional in the career field I wished to enter, not to mention she’d been one of the best professors I’d had whilst taking classes at Georgetown. Knowing I’d be working so closely with her absolutely thrilled me. It provided opportunities I'd have never gotten otherwise.

For example, getting to sit in on the class the famed Spencer Reid would be lecturing on. 

She usually kept me quite busy, having me develop assignments and quizzes for her class when she had other responsibilities to attend to. I’d heard horror stories from other TA’s in which their supervisors would delegate ninety-nine percent of the work to their juniors, having them essentially teach the class for minimal recognition or pay. Blake wasn’t like that, and I was thankful. This time around though, she had very different instructions for me.

“You don’t need to prepare any material this time around.” Blake explained to me, and I nodded, listening diligently. “I’d just like you to sit in, and possibly take notes, as you see fit.” She added, and I flashed a polite smile, nodding. 

“No problem whatsoever. I’ll sit in the back so as to not bother any students as I do.” I replied, offering her as much convenience as I could within my actions.  

Secretly, I did want to catch more than a glimpse from the back of the room. I wanted to experience the esteemed colleague Blake had often spoken of with incredible fondness. I was aware he was slightly older than I was, and a bit socially inept from the way she described him in his stories, but I was also aware the man was a goddamn genius. She’d describe in precision the way Reid would pick up on patterns and leads faster than anyone else on the team, and his immense knowledge in multiple fields beyond criminal profiling. When she’d told me he had three pHDs, I had to hold back a gasp. I hadn’t even started my own doctorate, but the idea only exhausted me- and he had three?! Color me impressed. 

Blake, being as brilliant as she did, could sense the hidden enthusiasm in my eyes in meeting this man. 

“Honestly, I’d rather you sit in the front. If you’re taking notes for any student unable to attend, it’s more imperative that you know the contents of the lecture, rather than anyone else.” She said, smiling kindly. 

“That’s absolutely alright with me.” I say, even quicker than before, nodding, thoughtfully. In reality, the only thing I was thinking about was how close I’d be near the man. I had no idea what he looked like, what he sounded like, but something about him made my stomach flutter. 

“I’m sure Dr. Reid would be interested in meeting you, as well. He takes special interest in anyone pursuing our line of work.” Blake added. She didn’t mean for it to happen, but the words made my cheeks light up with a hint of embarrassment.

I don’t know why, but he intimidated the hell out of me. The idea of him taking interest in a conversation with me made my heart beat slightly faster, and I nodded. I tried to convince myself that my nerves came from a purely professional standpoint, but regardless of my intentions, I was absolutely exhilarated by our imminent meeting.

While I knew there'd be initial awkwardness when I'd meet him, given my idolization of the man, I didn’t account for how terrible it’d actually be when I realized how fucking attractive he was. It was almost unfair. I was already tripping over the words I planned on saying in my head, and now he looked like that?

It was cruel.

The soft, doe eyes paired with sharp cheekbones. The slope of his nose, and the mess of brown curls atop his head. Every word out of his mouth was made even prettier by the soft curve and pinkness of his lips, and I found myself wanting to lunge over the table and kiss the hell out of him.

Needless to say, not the right thoughts to have about your professor’s (older) coworker. 

 While I was initially going to introduce myself to Dr. Reid before his lecture, hopefully establishing myself as a serious individual regarding my studies and eventual career, I shied away, opting for Blake to introduce me instead, nodding politely when he made eye contact with me, exchanging a quiet “hello” and taking my seat in the front.

That was it. And probably how it should be, considering I genuinely couldn’t think straight around him. Students began filtering in, and I took my spot at the front of the room, crossing my legs and beginning to outline his lecture as he began to speak. 

He was a brilliant lecturer, and it was honestly criminal he didn’t do this for a living. He gesticulated wildly throughout the whole of it, but every word of his was punctuated with a genuine passion that even some of the best professors on campus lacked. I did my best to diligently keep up with every point he brought up, but with how fast he spoke, it was difficult. Still, an effort was made. 

If that wasn’t enough to deal with, I swear the man kept making eye contact with me for the duration of his lecture. At first I believed I was imagining it, that his eyes kept drifting to mine by coincidence, but by the third time, I’d realized that everytime my eyes left his figure to scribble something, I’d look up to see his dark eyes boring into my soul, almost as if he was trying to solve me with a glance. It was intense and made my stomach turn in a way which wasn’t entirely unpleasurable, but I forced myself to remain professional.

 Blake did not need to see me absolutely lusting after her coworker, even if he was utterly fit. 

Anyway, he was probably only making eye contact considering I was in the front, and probably in an optimal spot for his eyes to focus on whilst addressing the whole of the class. Still, the way his gaze was trained on mine, reaching the deepest parts of my soul didn’t help the growing heat between my legs. 

I forced myself to focus on the board, my notes, anything but those godforsaken eyes for the rest of the lecture. Anytime we made eye contact afterwards, I’d quickly look down, like I’d been caught doing something terrible. 

Was anyone else seeing this? Was I insane and made delusional by my unexpected attraction to this man? Was he seriously making me wet just by looking at me? 

Yes. 

Sooner than anyone wanted, the lecture period had completed and Dr. Reid was finishing up. The students were absolutely enamored, especially the girls, as expected. Of course it wouldn’t be just me who’d noticed that in addition to being accomplished in his intelligence, he was also ridiculously easy on the eyes.

Blake stood in the corner, watching her students vacate the space, while some held back to talk to Dr. Reid as he packed his things. He seemed a bit shy at all the attention, but didn’t hesitate in explaining concepts to seemingly eager students, giving them all a soft, shy smile. 

God help me, he was adorable. How was I falling for a man I’d never even spoken a word to? 

I’d never left the classroom before Blake did, so as she stayed, I did as well, until the three of us were the only ones left in the room.  Blake smiled, walking up to Dr. Reid with her hands in her pocket. 

“You worked up quite the fanbase, Reid.” Blake said, a little playful.

Reid replied somewhat bashfully. “You have a great bunch of students.” He flashed a small smile at her as they spoke, still packing up his things. 

 The dynamic between my superior and the man was obviously sweet. They almost looked familial, which made sense. Blake had commented here and there that she managed to spend more time with the BAU with her actual family. I’m sure the latter was the same for Spencer. He probably had a doting girlfriend at home, ready to welcome him in her arms and I mentally kicked myself again for being so attracted to him.

He was nearly ten years older, for god’s sake! Enough! I screamed at myself. 

 I was brought out quite suddenly from my thoughts when Blake spoke in my direction. “This is (Y/N), my teaching assistant.” Reid came in my direction as I got up and approached him, offering a hand to me. “I’m Dr. Spencer Reid. Blake told me who you were, but we weren’t properly introduced.” 

I gave a firm shake to his hand, which I noticed was calloused and smooth at the same time. God, even his hands were pretty. He had long, slender fingers with short-kept nails. They were veiny, and looked strong. I couldn’t help but imagine what they’d feel like inside of me, buried in the heat of my core as I begged him for more.. more.. 

I forced the thought out of my head, only nodding again at the handsome man. “Nice to meet you, Dr. Reid.” I say, forcing myself to be professional.

Stop thinking about fucking him! 

“Spencer works just fine.” He says, imparting a kind smile that nearly made my knees weak. Did he have any idea the embarrassing effect he was having on me? 

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Blake looking at the two of us with a bit of a strange expression on her face. I let go of his hand and took a step back. Oh god. Could she tell? If she could, she said nothing. She gave us both a kind smile, before grabbing her own things.

“(Y/N)?” She called out, starting to walk to the door. “Mind locking up for me tonight?” She said, already throwing her keys to me. 

“That’s fine by me.” I say, grabbing her keys mid-air. I was used to this. Blake often wanted to leave a bit quicker than I did, and I was more than happy to assist in any way possible. What I didn’t realize, was that this left me and Spencer in the room alone, something I wanted to avoid, considering how fucking awkward this man was rendering me with so much as a glance at me.

I heard Blake leave, and as she quietly closed the door behind her, I leaned against a desk, keeping my eyes down as Spencer continued to pack his own things. I tried to not let my gaze drift to him, as I waited for him to finish up. 

I let my thoughts wander to the lecture, and couldn’t shake the feeling he’d evoked in me when he looked at me like that. This was honestly ridiculous. The man had barely spoken ten words to me, and here I was, absolutely mooning over him. It was a new low for me, but in my defense being a graduate student meant I didn’t have much time to get my .. needs fulfilled.

“That’s why” I convinced myself. I just hadn’t gotten laid in a really long time. Nothing more, nothing less. 

“So, you’re a criminology student?” Spencer says, suddenly, breaking me out of my trance. 

I looked up, nodding. I responded on pure habit and instinct. ‘Yes, I’m in the process of getting my Masters in Criminology.” I said, nearly robotic. 

“That must be interesting.” Spencer replied, flashing me a sweet smile that caused an entirely new slew of butterflies to erupt in my stomach. “I never studied criminology specifically, but the classes I took interested me.” 

“Blake told me you had three pHDs.” I acknowledged, trying to return his smile, but in all honesty, I probably looked like an idiot. I was nervous as hell, and hoped he couldn’t tell. It wasn’t my fault. He was awe-causing. A sight to behold, if you will, in intelligence and appearance. 

He laughed good naturedly, “Yeah. Three.” He must’ve noticed the stars in my eyes, because he continues. “As well as a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology and Sociology. And I’m working on another in Philosophy.” He finishes with a smug, boyish type of smile. 

What was previously stars in my eyes, was now full blown shock all over my face. “Wow, Spencer.” I said, a little dumb-struck. “That’s.. a lot.” I add, a little stupidly, giving him a little laugh. 

He sweetly scratched his neck, revealing his self-consciousness. “Yeah? You think?” He says, a small smirk in his voice, and I laughed again. “You think I should stop after Philosophy?” 

“Totally. Save some knowledge for us.” I teased. It was comfortable. He was surprisingly easy to get used to. He was affable, despite how daunting his knowledge was. 

“Hey, you try graduating before you’re a teenager.” He defends himself, playfully. “Not much to do, really.” 

I laugh. “I don’t know.” I say, throwing my hands up a little. “Play ball? Run around?” I joke, and he makes a face at that, scrunching up his nose. 

“Not my thing.” He replies, smoothly, and I laugh. 

“Alright, fine. Keep your degrees doctor man.” And he laughs at my joke. Like, a real laugh. I didn’t even find my own rhetoric particularly humorous, but knowing that I’d gotten him to react like that made my cheeks glow. 

He finished packing the last of his things and slung his satchel bag over himself, starting to walk over to the door. I made sure to gather all my things, and walked to the door with him. He held it open for me, and I nodded my head in thanks, and he let it shut behind us. I turned around to lock it, using Blake’s keys and placing them in my bag securely, before looking at him. 

“Well, Spencer. It was nice meeting you, thank you for the lecture it was-” I start, but he interrupts me. 

“Can I walk you to your car?” He interjected, looking a little shy as he did. I smiled a little confusedly, wondering why he’d want to do so, but I gave him my answer, nonetheless. 

“I don’t have a car. I usually take the bus back to my apartment.” I explained, smiling softly. 

“The bus?” He says,  quirking his mouth to the side. “Isn’t it a bit late for that?” He replies, a hint of concern in his voice. 

I gave a little sigh, “I mean, it’s fine.” I say, trying to laugh a little. “I’ve done it before.” I add, attempting to ease the worry out of his voice. “It’s not that late.” I say, but he simply shakes his head. 

“No way.” He says, still adamant on this. “I.. I can drive you home, if you’d like?” He says, his words going slightly on the higher pitch as he rolled out his proposal, and I gave a small grin at that. 

“Really? If it’s a hassle I can seriously just take the bus. I wouldn’t want you to keep anyone waiting at home or-” 

He interjects again. “No hassle. I promise. I want to.” He pauses, before adding, “No one at home. You’re probably going to be the last person I see today.” He seems to blush at his final admission, and my eyes widen in interest. No girlfriend? Score. 

“Alright, Spencer.” I say, smiling again. “Lead the way.” 

He led me to his car, an old-fashioned Volvo and I couldn’t help myself from gawking at it.

“God, you have a cool car too? Is there anything about you that isn’t interesting?” I say, aware I was probably stroking his ego a bit, but honestly I wanted to. The man was just so damn intriguing, and every new bit of information I learned about him only made me want to unravel the whole of him. To truly know him, in and out. 

He laughed, using his keys to manually unlock the door. “Oh, trust me. I’m plenty boring. The car is probably my only saving grace.” He joked, and I laughed again as I got into the car. 

“Oh, I highly doubt that, but if you say so.” I say, sweetly, and adding a light tone of flirtatiousness in my tone. He seems to blush at this again, and I begin to think about the events of day. The stares in class, the perpetual rosy tint on his cheeks that had been there since we began our conversation, the way he joked and laughed at my (admittedly, unfunny) jokes. 

Oh god. Did he like me? 

Only one way to find out. 

As Spencer got in the car and began driving onto the main road, I looked at him, trying to put on my best, innocent smile. “So, you said you’re not going home to anyone?” I say, a softness to my tone, but an undeniable hunger in it as well. 

“Uh.” He responds, that damned blush coming on, strong. “Yes.” He replies, nodding as he keeps his eyes on the road. 

“So, you don’t have a girlfriend?” I ask, a bit forwardly. 

Now he’s really blushing, stuttering a bit. “Oh, no. No girlfriend. Not much time, given the BAU and our schedule.” He said, almost clinically, and I nodded. 

“I mean, Blake has a husband.” I point out, a little smugly. 

“I guess.” He says, sighing a bit. “But, you know.” He says. He vaguely gestures to himself, and I look at him a little confused, tilting my head at him.

“Spencer, I have no idea what you’re trying to say.” I say, with a little giggle. “But trust me, you’re absolutely gorgeous.” I continue, before I can stop myself.

He looks at me, giving me a soft smirk, and a raise of his eyebrows. He didn’t look uncomfortable, and honestly looked just as thrilled as I did, and I knew that this night had a good chance of going the way I wanted it too. 

“Ah, you’re sweet.” Spencer replies, “But no. I just mean, I’m.. me. You know?” He says, trying to explain his (non-existent) shortcomings, but I just shake my head. 

“You don’t give yourself much credit, you know?” I attempt to say with that amorous tone from before, but it was more overcome with genuine respect and admiration. “You’re smart, funny and nice to be around, I mean.” I pause. “Did you not see the absolute crowd of girls around you after the lecture? Trust me, Spencer. I bet you’re more than easy to be with, even easier to like.” The words rush out of me, and I watch him tentatively for his reaction to my words. 

Instead of the sweet side smile he’d been offering me all night, he finally looked at me. The car had come to a stop at a red light, and his face was dangerously sexy as it was illuminated by the colored glow around us. 

“And what do you think?” Spencer says, in a low tone, making direct eye contact with me. 

I feel my stomach turn at the sudden directness in his words, his gaze nearly devouring me whole. I felt my mouth go dry and I swallow, trying to keep my tone steady. 

“What do you mean?” I ask, my voice having a slight shake to it. 

“I mean, what do you think about me? Do you.. like me?” He says, licking his lips slightly, and the action causes the previous heat between my legs to come by in full force. 

“Oh, I mean.” I say, my previous confidence dissipating in an instant. “Well, yes, Dr. Reid. Everyone liked you today.” I say, trying to give more of a conservative answer now.

The man had a way of making me feel totally comfortable around him, and then flipping the switches, rendering me dumb and stuttering. Like I was now. 

“Oh, so I’m Doctor Reid now.” He says, clicking his tongue and saying the words with an air of lighthearted teasing, but I only bit my lip, hurriedly trying to explain myself. 

“I mean, it's your title.” I say, quickly, trying to justify myself. “I mean, you said it yourself- three pHDs. It’d be pretty shitty to just discard the years taken to achieve that. Um. Well. You’re a genius so probably not as long, but still! Calling you doctor is a sign of respect for your accomplishments and-”

“You're cute.” He interrupts, and I look back at him to see his eyes back on the road, a cocky smile plastered on his face.

The light around us turned green, and he started the car. I picked at my nails slightly, trying not to display any more signs of nervousness around him. I wanted to do something with him, at least, and that couldn't happen if I was a bumbling mess.

We drove in relative silence for the next few minutes, as I tried to gather my thoughts and possibly continue what we’d been building up to these past few hours, but a quick glance at the windows and the road we were on caused me to furrow my brows.

“Oh, this isn’t the way to my apartment.” I remark absentmindedly, looking at the window beside me, then in front. “I live near the train station, off east?” I offer, expecting him to fully make a turn back towards the direction I’d prompted him towards, but he didn’t even flinch, continuing on the more secluded road we’d entered.

“I know.” He said, glancing at me once more, actually applying more pressure to the gas pedal, causing us to go faster down the terrain. 

Okay, fuck. He was an FBI agent, so I didn’t have to worry about him murdering me, right? Wait, no, that’s stupid. He could probably get away with it. No! He’s Blake’s friend. Her coworker. For the goddamn FBI. He wouldn’t murder me. What the fuck was going on? 

I watched as Spencer pulled off to the side of the road, darkness surrounding us entirely. There weren't any other cars around, and it was silent in the car before I bit my lip, and started to speak.

“Did I.. offend you?” I ask, cautiously. No reply. I try again. “Why did we stop?” I add, trying to test the waters with him to see what he was thinking at that moment. 

“I thought I could wait before we got to your place, but I need to know now.” He replied, a sudden urgency in his voice. He turned towards me, watching me with a dark, intense gaze, similar to the one he'd given me in class that day. “Do you want me? Am I reading this wrong with you? Because if I am, we can completely forget it and I can drop you home but (Y/N)..” He paused. He made direct eye contact with me and once again I found myself wanting to swim in those dark eyes of his. “I want you.” He said, his voice low and raspy. 

I didn't give it much thought as I gave into my urges and surged towards his lips the best I could in the car. He responded immediately, bringing me closer with his hands and placing them on either side of my face, moving his lips against mine in a perfected rhythm. I used my fingers to quickly undo my belt, before climbing over the console to sit in his lap, getting closer without our lips disconnected once. He understood my actions and intentions immediately, pulling the seat back so I could rest more comfortably in his lap as we continued to kiss. 

I knotted my hands in his hair, giving an experimental tug which elicited a low moan from his mouth. I grinned against his lips and his hands moved from my face to his hips, bringing my clothed core to rest right against his growing bulge, which I immediately moved against. He let out a sharp breath as I did and broke the kiss. 

“Oh god. I’m sorry.” He said, breathlessly, hands on my hips. “I don’t know what came over me and-” 

He looked almost frantic, and incredibly guilty, so I quickly leaned in for a peck, stopping him mid sentence. I brought my hands to his shoulders to rub them soothingly, and he seemed to relax in my touch. 

“Spencer, calm down.” I say, nearly purring. “I want this.” I continue, rubbing patterns into his arms now. “Please.” 

“You’re Blake’s student.” He murmurs, using one of his hands to run through already messy brown curls. “What am I doing?” He says, almost to himself, looking ready to stop our tryst. 

I realize he was attempting to backtrack from this, and before he could continue his train of thought, I quickly leaned in from my position on his lap to start kissing his neck, trailing wet hot kisses down the column before whispering. “I’m not her student.” 

He pulls away to look at me, biting his lip. “What?” 

“I was her student last semester. I’m her teaching assistant now.” I smirk a little, licking my lips. “Technically not a student of hers.” 

He seemed to take in my words for a moment, and then something in him shifted, and he lunged at me again, kissing me with even more ferocity. He absolutely devoured me, his hands everywhere at this point. Caressing my sides, in my hair, on the small of my back. He brought me closer to him in any way he could, pressing our bodies against each other in a frenzied manner that caused the wetness between my legs to increase tenfold. 

“Wanted you.. as soon as I saw you.” He murmurs against my lips as we caught our breath in between kisses. “Knew it was wrong but..” 

I nodded. I understood. I was the same. 

“Fuck.” I moaned, as I felt the bulge resting below me get even harder. “Spencer, please. Don’t make me wait.” 

“Impatient.” He remarked, smirking, now beginning his own line of kisses down my neck, making me moan in pleasure. 

“Please.” I breathed out, my words being reduced to a squeak as he bit my neck gently, and my eyes fluttered shut. I was melting right in his damn hands, just like he wanted. 

His hands started to work at the buttons on my jeans, and I sighed in relief, lifting up my hips to allow them to be tugged off, leaving me in my underwear. His slender fingers traced the seam, leaving me shuddering with pleasure for the man in front of me. I tried once more, breathlessly murmuring at him.

“Please. Please.” 

“Use your words, baby.” He whispered, a devilish smirk on his face. I was too far-gone to care about what I looked like. I needed him so badly. 

“I need you to fuck me, now.” I say, clearer. “I need it, Spencer.” 

Something about me using his name, nearly moaning for the man when he’d barely touched me stirred something in him, and he started to undo his own slacks, freeing his cock from the confines of his briefs. I watched in fascination as it sprung out, and took in a sharp breath of air. I licked my lips before making eye contact with him, begging for us to get on with it at this point. He nodded, understanding my desperation and I smiled dumbly, beginning to lift my hips. He guided his cock to my heat and placed his free hand on the small of my back, slowly guiding me down his member.

I moaned softly as I felt him enter me, providing me with the most delicious stretch. I threw my head back in pleasure as he brought both his hands to my hips urging me down. 

“That’s it. God, fuck. You feel so good.” He moaned, which only made me want to take more of him. I lowered myself down a bit faster, and he released a heavy groan as his hips met mine. I whimpered slightly, his length filling me up perfectly. A thin sheen of sweat had gathered on my brow and I leaned my forehead, adjusting to his size. 

“You good?” He breathed out, using his hand to brush a piece of hair that had stuck itself on my brow, and I nodded. 

“Yeah, just.” I took a deep breath, before licking my lips, looking up before nodding.

I slowly lifted myself off, letting the head of his arousal nestle in me before I slammed back down, eliciting moans from both of us. He began to match my movements in tandem, thrusting up into me wildly. I held onto his shoulders, burying myself in his neck as we went faster. I could feel his tip hitting my cervix every time, causing me to cry out with pleasure every single time. 

I felt my orgasm rapidly approach, and Spencer seemed to sense this as well, considering the involuntary clenches I was giving around his cock. He let his hand slip down to where our bodies met and rubbed tight, fast circles around my clit, encouraging my release. 

“Come on, pretty girl. Come all over my cock. You can do it.” He breathed out, watching my every move with a hunger I'd never experienced before.  

It took a few more thrusts from him, combined with the insistent fingers at my bundle of nerves before my thighs began shaking, and I let out a chorus of moans, most of them sounding like strangled versions of his name as I coated his cock in my wetness, spurring him on to go faster inside me, bucking into me like a man possessed. 

He continued to jut into me wildly, until I felt him finish inside me, coating my walls with his release. He breathed shakily, holding me close to him as I slumped over his shoulder, my chest heaving up and down as I came down from the intensity of the previous moment. 

He affectionately removed me from his shoulder, pressing a soft kiss to my lips, the tenderness and gentleness in his actions contrary to what we had just done. I pulled back with a dazed smile, taking in how pretty he looked. 

“If it’s alright, I’d love to take you out for coffee sometime.” He said, still a bit breathless, and a shy smile appeared on his face.

I giggled. He was literally still inside me, and was asking me out on a date with a boyish nervousness that made him even harder to resist. 

“For you Dr Reid? Anything.” 

ahh! writing this was a beast, and i imagined it to be longer but i got what i wanted in less words haha. i hope you guys liked this. any reblogs, comments, likes are so so appreciated i know it sounds totally stupid, but your guys' support means a lot lot lot!! thank you!!! <3

[bisclavret]

there's a palpable missing link in gwen's characterization that the show has almost hinted at but never explored in a satisfactory way and after hours of riffing with @morganadismay i think it might be summarized with just. ambition? on a show as juvenile in its moral politics as bbc merlin ambition might be seen as a hunger for something and therefore a sinful bad thing so gwen just seemed to kind of seamlessly and elegantly rise to power, but honestly when you attribute a sense of ambition to her, the entire character that is guinevere clicks into place:

she has the most solid moral compass out of everyone in that castle - and she knows it. by her late teens she is already lady morgana's servant (morgana who, at this point, is the progressive and rebellious "adoptive" daughter of the king - perhaps someone to stay close to if you want to see reform?) and she flocks to merlin the second she sees him stand up to the prince. then, as soon as she realizes prince arthur actually listens to what she has to say and that it has an effect on his actions (makes him more progressive, open-minded, and class conscious) she subtly moves her interest from merlin and morgana onto him.

((affection is a propelling part of all these decisions, of course, anyone that's seen how gwen treats people doesn't doubt that it's with genuine love and kindness and care for their well-being. i'm just trying to argue that there's more to her than that, or rather that it's precisely this love that is driving her ambition as well:))

the show is written in such a way that only one person per episode can have a braincell so gwen's cleverness is often cast to the wayside so another character can have a go at using their brain, but we can all agree she is overall the smartest character out of the core four. and when you're as smart and full of love and worry as gwen is, it's intolerable to acutely feel the kingdom's injustices and do nothing about them. people often talk about how gwen is impossible to upset or make angry because she is just that empathetic and understanding and can easily put herself in people's shoes. these are definitely elements of gwen's personality, but i don't care how empathetic you are, when someone kills your dad - a sweet, innocent man - in the name of tyrannical ethnic cleansing of people with magic, you do not, you cannot brush it away. especially if you are as clever and empathetic as we know gwen to be.

and yet that's what she seems to do. in one of the most tone-deaf and frustrating and nonsensical conversations in the entire show, she tells merlin she would not kill uther, the mad tyrant king that just killed her fucking dad and is killing so many people on a daily basis, because then she would be just as bad as him. and i do think she believes this. because that's how she was written. however, there were other ways for her to show her displeasure with the royal family after they killed her literal dad. and she chose none. instead, she stayed close and hardly ever acknowledged her huge, enormous loss (elyan had been away for years and she had no mother to speak of - they killed her only family).

because she's strong? sure. but have you lost a loving parent? strength has nothing to do with what that sort of grief does to you. and i think it is precisely through that grief that gwen makes her choice to stick around and see this relationship with the royal family through as far as it can go. she lets her anger solidify into determination - determination to turn arthur into a better version of his father so these injustices have a chance at stopping once he's king.

she lets go of lancelot. she becomes more feminine, her hair longer and her corsets tighter every time we see her. she tolerates arthur's indecisiveness and brashness and morgana's increasing outbursts of cruelty. she never fully seems to expect to become queen, always quick to offer to let go of arthur for The Greater Good (merlin could take a page from her book), but that's precisely what makes her ambition a good trait. it's steadfast, it's logical, and the end goal isn't power for the sake of power. it's a slow, borderline sisyphean climb up the social ladder until she has stable enough footing to enact the reform that her contemporaries were too undiplomatic to achieve.

TL;DR you cannot get where gwen gets by the end of the show through true love or luck or a series of accidents. it would be a disservice to gwen's character to ignore the hints of calculating ambition in her actions and to pretend the compromises she had to make to get where she ends up were easy. what's amazing about her is that she is the sort of lovely, warm woman whose kindness could get taken advantage of until there is nothing left, but instead she turned her love and wisdom into an asset that helped her, essentially, win the game of thrones. i just wish the writers had let this side of her shine through.

[jacevelaryonswife]

Bad idea right?

Going out with your friends was great, really great, but it’s been a long time since you had fun with a guy. A considerable time that you thought was affecting lower parts of your body in relation to your roommate.

pairing: Michael Gavey x roommate fem!reader

warnings: p in v sex, fingering, loss of virginity, praising, english is not my first language. 3,455 words.

ewanverse characters masterlist

The idea of having a place only yours has always been something that cheered you up. Independence, silence and calm were very tempting qualities that always ended up being put in the background when the accounts were put on the table. In addition to the rent there was energy, internet, water, food and God knows if something breaks. You postponed the project for a long time while saving more money in the expectation of finding something more affordable, until the perfect option appeared on one of the announcement panels of the central building of the Campus. It was a beautiful coincidence actually, since you didn't used to go to such a place on a daily basis, but apparently the small white poster listed all the features you wanted in your small apartment for a price that fit in your pocket.

There was only one catch, a big catch.

The place already had an owner who was looking for a roommate.

In days past that would be enough for you to ignore the ad and follow your search, but the price and location seemed too tempting to ignore. You would give it a chance and call the number.

And then an even bigger but appeared: the voice on the other side of the line was masculine.

The idea of sharing an apartment with an unknown man was terrifying at all levels and almost made you hang up the phone. For some reason you arranged to visit the place the next day, obviously taking a friend and a knife in case the idiot wanted to play the smart.

And that's how you met Michael. Introverted, nerdy and brutally honest Michael Gavey. Obviously there was a lot of tension during the whole moment that led you to get to know the rooms and talk to him. About the place: it was quite comfortable and bigger than you expected, really organized and warm in the cold season of the beginning of winter. It was ridiculously pleasant. And as for Michael, well, you hadn't decided if he was a harmless nerd or a serial killer. Still, he seemed to interpret the female fear when he offered himself by saying:

"I understand that it's difficult for a woman to live with a lad she doesn't know."

But the point was: you had really liked the apartment, and when he started saying the rules of coexistence the distance between nerd and possible killer became bigger, much bigger. That was not a one-sided conversation, especially when you started questioning him in a not very subtle way about his life. What did he do? Where did he come from? Did he hide bodies in his room? (The latter was in your imagination, but you managed to spy on his room without being noticed).

Michael said that some people showed interest in the ad but that they did not fit the standard of roomies he wanted. Disorganized, drugged and very noisy, as soon as he classified them.

His methodical personality did his best to try to build a positive (or less negative) image you could have of the arrangement. And honestly, he seemed to be a quiet man, who appreciated a certain silence and calm that you wanted in your home most of the time. Obviously you checked the criminal record of the guy with caramel hair and beautiful blue eyes as soon as you left the building, relieving yourself by not finding anything. But hey, he was a student like you, it couldn't be so hard to find something about the guy!

By another incredible chance of fate a friend of a friend had some classes with Gavey and was very efficient in giving some information about the subject:

"Really smart, a little pretentious and clumsy, but he's a nice guy, doesn't have many friends and is definitely harmless."

Obviously it took much more than that to make you invest in the property, but what really mattered was that that weekend Michael Gavey had received a call and agreed with the idea.

So officially you were moving to the place you wanted, well located and cozy, but with a roommate who owns the place. And for the next few weeks after the move you slept with a knife under the pillow.

════════════════════

Living with Michael proved to be something very calm. Your classes took place at the same time, which culminated in sharing the rest of the day together. Initially things were strange, especially when you tried to talk to each other in the first days without any subject that caught the attention of the other, which defined the following days with dialogues only about the needs of coexistence. It was much easier that way and ensured that the dynamics between you happened in a more organic way than thought, since both were easy to deal with in your own ways. The apartment wasn’t complete yet, with few kitchen utensils and cleaning that you didn't mind buying. Michael was very hygienic and almost never left anything for you to clean (if it happened he would leave a note in the sink or bathroom indicating that he would take care of it later).

He wasn’t so good in the kitchen, but that wasn’t a problem when cooking was an almost relaxing activity for you, and it was very gratifying to receive compliments about your food. In addition, at the end of dinner he would make a point of washing the dishes to help.

Everything seemed to go very well over the weeks, the first month, the first month and a half until things started to change in the way you saw it.

Going out with your friends was great, really great, but it's been a while since you had fun with a man. A considerable time that you thought was affecting lower parts of your body. You see, Michael wasn’t bad looking, not with his caramel blonde hair, beautiful blue eyes and a formidable face; not with his terribly long fingers and delicious hands, not with his height much higher than your usually covered your body when he approached. No, the point was that you never had a relationship with someone like him. A little introverted, methodical, with a particular sense of humor and a little grumpy. On the other hand, he knew how to be pleasant and malleable when he wanted, he was almost shrewd and a little lonely.

Adding this to a nice body, a perfectly sculpted face and the looks he sent you when your clothes were tighter or more tidy, the sum was that you wanted to fuck that damn nerd in every room of your shared apartment.

Initially the feeling was repressed. Maybe it was just your fertile period and the sad reality of being for a long time without a male comfort — not the fact that he looks like a delicious prey easily edible. However, as the days went by the realization of being really invested in your roommate was more explicit and palpable, really palpable. Something needed to be done on the subject and some ideas were already around your mind about how to convince Michael to have sex madly in the next few days.

You looked good as an advantage, although you weren’t the most beautiful woman in the world, you were beautiful enough to take off a good looking partner. It couldn't be so difficult (or he could reject it). Therefore, acting with subtlety was your first option, although there was the uncertainty of him not realizing even if his mind was too sharp to do so. But in your state of urgency by instant action the games that would make him gradually succumb would be extremely stressful for you, so you would grab him at once.

But how would you proceed?

It was Friday night and your friends were dismissed for your onslaught to happen. Should you arrive as a hungry lun or a sneaky fox?

Fuck it, you'd jump on it with everything you had.

Wearing only a lacy white lingerie and an unbuttoned silk social t-shirt you left for the attack, opening the bedroom door and floating like a feather to the living room where your sweet roommate was distracted by the laptop. He didn't seem as focused as the times he studied, in fact he was almost relaxed in his gray sweatpants and thick pumpkin-colored sweater and a rare soft look on the screen. It was the ideal moment.

With a sensual feature and melodious voice you announced your presence with a simple "Hey," calling his attention.

And as you called it.

The poor lad could barely blink when he saw your half-naked and inviting figure approaching with a false innocent smile.

His reaction was a real treat. With his blue eyes wide from under his glasses and half-open mouth. He was terribly shocked, that was a fact, and it only encouraged you to go ahead. "I was thinking, if... you wouldn't have some time available for me." In a bold action, you gently pushed the laptop away and sat on his lap with one leg on each side of his waist, leaning your hands against the breastplate and leaning close to his flushed face to whisper on his perfect lips. "I'm thinking of something we can do together."

Blinking a few times for your dubious suggestion, Michael's hands landed uncertainly on the side of your thighs as he tried to formulate some audible answer in his now unstructured mind. “D-do you?” He asked tense, panting.

“Yes, but only if you want too,” you purred against his mouth, rubbing your noses and moving your dressed pussy against the newly hardened bulge, making him both moan low in anticipation.

Interesting fact about Michael: he's never had any girl rubbing against his body like that before. In fact, he never had a girl in any way.

It was something that didn't bother him full time, very worried about books, classes and science, but it would be a lie to say that he didn't think what it would be like to fuck a girl whose attraction to him was genuine. But that, well, that was better than any fantasy he's ever had throughout his life, that's why it was so costly to believe and answer your question with a blown and whispered "Yes", quickly amended by a more assertive confirmation: "I want to."

“Good," you smirk satisfied and collided your lips on his in a demanding and intense kiss, giving no chance to any doubt that he will feel. Your hands grabbed the back of his neck and his soft caramelized hair, avoiding any body separation.

Michael moaned when your fingers pulled some sensitive threads from the back of his neck, holding your waist and ass in a firm grip. That could only be a big wet dream. Yes, he really stole glances at you many times, more than he was proud of, but to think that this would happen? That way? Not even fucking.

He pressed his hardened cock against your pussy again and broke a kiss with a grunt when you started grinding on it. It was a delight to feel the impressive hardness below your body and see it all red and anxious, capturing another panting, long and tongue-filled kiss. Not even when you ripped off his sweater and discarded your social shirt, your lips separated. Although he was a skinny nerd, he had a really nice body. You wanted to fuck right there, but it was exciting to see him follow your trail like a hungry puppy. And he was fucking hungry, although equally nervous about being his first time.

Michael wasn’t stupid to think it would last long, he heard the stories, he knew how the male body worked to hump for the first time, he knew it would be disastrous, so when you leaned against him again his words were quick to reveal his secret.

“Wait… I need to say something,” his eyes faced the ground, posture hardening as he quickly lowered his head. At that moment you were sure of your implications on your roomie's sexual history, but wanted to respect his process in stating clearly. "I've never done thid."

With a gentle hand groping the left side of his face, you tried to calm him down: "it's ok, really. We can stop if you don't feel comfortable."

"No, no, I want that, really-," he was quick to contest, "I just didn't want to disappoint you."

“Hey, it's okay, I'm not going to make fun of you for that. Besides, I can teach you how to use these fingers to make women cum," you bit your lower lip, looking at it sensually. "Let me take care of you, babe."

And he became meek like a lamb, letting you take off his sweatpants before he himself hurriedly took off his shoes and socks and was only in his underwear, being guided to lie on the bed while your body climbed on his hips and groped his arms, breastplate and milky abs. "You have such a great body," you purred and leaned to kiss him, savoring his hands kneading and squeezing your arse, climbing up your back and daring to open the clasp of your bra, to which you were rewarded by your satisfied tinnitus. “Good boy,” and then your tits were exposed to his delight, being touched and exploited by two large, warm and inexperienced hands. God, he never thought that tis could be so amazing.

His thumbs rotated your halos experimentally, with a little more force than necessary but without being uncomfortable. Your hands covered Michael's and guided them to your waist, squeezing, landing them on your hips.

"Women like caresses and kisses to get in the mood. Kisses on the neck, jaw, clavicle, boobs..." you started, "I don't need these things at the moment, but next time this will be welcome."

Although excited about the idea of a next time suggested in advance, Michael didn’t want to spend his luck betting that your thought would be kept after sex, as a result, he sat in bed with you on his lap and attacked your neck with kisses, bites and hickeys. His work against the encounter between neck and shoulder made you purr with pleasure and close your eyes, really enjoying how he gently pulled some strands of hair from the back of your neck. The boy had potential.

“Keep going, babe”

The wet and anxious trail followed your lap, top and valley of the tits until capturing a nipple in the hot mouth, sucking and nibbling greedily. He couldn't believe that you were on his lap letting him suck your tits, that he was the reason for your moans and soft whining. Damn, he was already in the clouds and hadn't even actually laid you — or the opposite.

And although the feeling was terribly pleasant, the heat in your pussy was too aggressive to ignore, you needed a quick and urgent relief.

"Michael" you called him. "I need to get the condom," with that, you walked away against his will to pick up the package from your nightstand. "Now, take a deep breath when I start and try to distract yourself with something else to last longer, I'll go slowly but it's very intense and better than your hand, so hold tight," you warned him before pulling his boxer down to reveal his beautiful dick shining with pre-cum. Holy shit, Michael Gavey was fucking nice. “Damn, you’re fucking handsome. I should have seen this before."

And he was already out of breath before you stretched around him, his glasses crooked and a little blurry, half-open mouth and body hurting in anxiety, cock writhing with every touch received on his skin.

“Put it.”

And he put on the condom while you removed your panties and crawled into his lap again, making him lie down again. “Hold on, big guy.”

And then, picking up his cock and guiding him to your entrance, you sank slowly, giving him time to squeeze your hips with each centrimeter swallowed, caressing and smelling his soft hair when his head fell against your neck. Nothing had prepared him for that, no handful of lubricant came close to the tightness, heat and moisture of your pussy. If he was in the clouds before, now he was sure he was in the sky. “Wait! Wait! Don't move yet." And for that he needed to make sure it lasted.

"Okay... just breath babe, relax, think of something else." you instructed him panting, savoring the feeling of his cock inside your silky walls. Everything about his member was perfect, from the size to the thickness, filling you perfectly. A whining fell from your lips and you hugged him. “So good, mm.”

"Fuck," he grunted in despair, squeezing your body against his.

“Don't worry about it, it's okay, just enjoy it while it lasts,” you whispered against his temple.

That was the damn point. “I won't last long,” he said.

“So just enjoy, Mike,” biting his earlobe, you started jumping constantly, moaning uninhibitely at how good that nerd felt. He pushed his face even more on your neck and held your waist to the dear life, moaning and grunting and pulling you to lie above him. He was a panting mess with blurry glasses and a half-open mouth, a damn sight that made you more aroused than usual, very proud to be the reason for his snatched state.

“Oh fuck, fuck- I'm gonna-“

“Come for me, babe,” you rubbed your groin against his one, two, three times when he fell apart intensely with a long, hoarse moan, heavy breathing and a blushing face.

Withdrawing from him, your body fell on the bed still hot and longing to be satisfied, watching him gradually recompose in a brief comfortable silence.

"So... did you like it?" You asked, fingering his breastplate.

Did he like it? Damn, that shit blew his mind. “So fucking good.” Although part of his mind was eager to reward you, he had to. He had to make you cum. Turning to face you, Michael stood at your top before while asking: "what should I do now?"

Smirking maliciously, you leaned your feet on the bed and spread your legs more to him. “Fuck me with your fingers,” you purred, taking his right hand and guiding him to your wet center. "I like it when guys don't forget that I have a clit, I don't understand why, even why it makes your work easier," you circled your hill with his fingers, showing him the place before going down to your entrance. "Heat me up with one, then put on another."

And he followed your rules like a good boy, sticking a long finger pumping slowly.

"Mhm, just like that," you bit your lower lip, but very very very impatient to wait for the development of a slow orgasm, you needed to cum as soon as possible. Taking his hand, you held your index finger and made him join the middle one. “Go faster.”

And although sloppy and a little strong a few times, his fingers felt so fucking good on your velvet walls, reaching the sweet point that made your toes curl. “Fuck! Keep going Michael!”

He was hypnotized by the wet sounds that your pussy was making, by your body writhing and his fingers disappearing inside you, squeezing, wetting...

That set of things went straight to his cock.

"Roll your fingers slowly," you ordered, arching your back when he pressed against your spot, intensifying the tingling at the base of your stomach and making you moan louder. “Don't stop, I-I'm close!”

His glasses were on the tip of his nose, almost plummeting from his face, but it didn't matter at the moment. Deciding to use your previous tip on the clit, Michael used his other hand to circle your pearl with pressure, making his eyes close.

“Oh fuck! I'm gonna-" your whole body trembled when the coil burst and a warm pleasure flooded your senses, holding the bed for the darling life and closing your legs with the strong spasms.

That was better than any porn he watched. And with that he encompassed the last minutes from your approach until now. Michael was still very stunned by everything that happened, that’s why when he lay on your bed it was as if he was recovering from an electric discharge, his mind and body ridiculously overloaded and active. As for you, after a while restoring from a delicious orgasm, you rested your head on his chest and traced patterns on the milky to soft skin, playing with some fine and lost hair. "So, do you want a second round?"

═════════════════════

a/n: I know we don’t have much about Michael, but I was so anxious about this hot nerd that I couldn’t wait for the movie.

[skelliko]

★-Tokyo revengers

- their insecure

๑-Context: them thinking about their crush (you) but then they start to get insecure and self sabotage about not being good enough

��- featuring: kazutora, chifuyu, keisuke, seishu, rindou

-for seishu it was so hard because I know that boy is perfect-

°- kazutora hanemiya

• everything, he thinks of every little thing about him but manages to miss the bigger parts about him that does need fixing. his main thought was that no one as good as you would want to be seen around someone like kazutora due to his delinquency, heck even if you've also done some bad stuff he's still afraid that he'd just bring you down and be an awful influence on you.

for someone who went to juvenile for 'accidental' murder and is in quite a dangerous gang, thats a good reputation to hold in terms of strength, but for wanting something other than fights and instead something innocent like feeling what it's like to be loved... that's difficult.

• he also still dislikes how his face looks, to others he's handsome. to himself, he's nothing but a shit show that he looks deep and hard in the mirror with a straight face but then his expression changes to disgust.

sometimes he thinks if you've also felt like that, he's asked his friends about that sort of thing and the response is always 'sometimes' but when he thinks about you being insecure he feels like he's gone mad because to him you're absolutely perfect.

°- chifuyu matsuno

• sometimes he feels as if he can't protect you, there are times where he pictures out scenarios and he's afraid that he can't keep you safe due to where gangs would get the innocent involved even when they have nothing to do with either of the two bickering gangs and that always ends badly.

he doesn't want you to become a target and he's scared that his strength alone wouldn't deal with anything and you'd get involved in something that you didn't have a choice in. due to that he's forcing himself to stay away from you but part of him can't, he calls himself selfish for talking to you and going out in public with you where anyone would be watching.

• he wants to make you his but how can he keep you as his when there's a lot of options to choose from? he's afraid that there's someone better than him, that eventually you'd lose interest in chifuyu and that's not because he doesn't trust your trust but he's seen other guys and how they easily attract and how they can go on the day confident, chifuyu can't and he can't see that it's not because there's something wrong with him but it's just because he's not a player and he can't see that for himself or others.

°- Keisuke Baji

• when it comes to Baji he knows hes a good looker and as well as the heart, but sometimes in school he'd see you walk in the hallways and he gets a little embarrassed that he turns the opposite direction in hopes of you not seeing him in his nerdy disguise just so the school doesn't kick him out or hold him back for his delinquency. his slicked back hair that he honestly spends time on and is proud in the moment, but when he looks at it for too long he has to hold back on scruffing it up and going to school like his normal self.

You're aware of how he looks outside of school but not everyone does, he's nervous that if you're seen talking to him then he'd just embarrass you, and because of that he thinks you're embarrassed to talk to him too and you force yourself to, even if you've held conversations for a long amount of time and you seem to enjoy it with a smile Baji has a little worm in his brain telling him otherwise

• held back a year for him failing his exams, sure someone being smart isn't exactly a top priority for some people but he thinks you're one of them and he curses himself for not having the academic smarts for it, he'd sometimes compare himself to someone else in his class and think 'how the fuck are they able to memories this and I can't?' In all honesty though academics is pretty hard when you've got other stuff going on too

°- seishu Inui

• his burn mark isn't exactly something that bothers him but whenever he thinks of you and gets a glimpse of the mark from a window he can't help but think that it bothers you. he tends to get a little frustrated about it and whenever he thinks too much of the mark his frustration ends up in sadness because all the memories of the fire and his sister come rushing in.

• whenever he looks at you he can't keep his eyes away, he's always in awe at everything you do. but what does seishu do? getting hurt in gangs here and there and making bad decisions for himself? he knows his skills and the good of him but he also knows his flaws and he can't stand that. he wants to do so much more but he can't, he doesn't know how to and he doesn't want to disappoint you in any sort of way yet he always manages to disappoint himself

°- rindou haitani

• sometimes he considers himself to be in his brother's shadow, he hasn't thought of it like that at all but rindou would pick some things out and then look at his brother and that sense of being younger than him equals to being lower, his older brother seems to always do great causing jealousy to grow. it's like regular sibling rivalry, nothing major but it does linger around his brain that maybe at somepoint if given the chance you'd run right over to ran inside of rindou

• rindou knows the reputation that he holds, the dangers that he keeps with his gang. and one of those dangers also happens to the innocent. he's been foolish to be part of those sort of things before and karma always plucks out the ones that finally find something to be happy about. he doesn't want you to accidentally get involved and get hurt or even killed.

considering that the haitani brothers are quite well known if anyone were to see the sentimental value that rindou has for you, then you will become a target from other gangs that want to take the brothers down. rindou looks through multiple of scenarios as to how or where that could happen and in all of those scenarios the date is all unexpected. rindou's afraid that he'd be the reason to you getting hurt from someone else and he won't be there.

 ♡---

[winterrrnight]

“the blue in your eyes” — new beginnings chapter IV

PAIRING: stepdad!soft!rafe cameron x mom!reader

WARNINGS: n/a

EDITH SPEAKS: I am so so sorry for the break I took with updating this! I'll try to be much more regular now <3 <3 please reblog if you enjoyed this and share all your thoughts 💞😊 I am sorry if this feels super boring right now but honestly it wasn't ever really meant to really interesting either 😭😭

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↶ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷ ˊˎ-

It’s been over one week since Sage joined Rafe’s class. You've noticed the big increase in her happiness; she comes home with a big grin gracing her face, and she proudly shows you her art pieces and small arithmetic and alphabet assignments she did with a huge good star adorning almost each one of them.

“Mamma look, Fafe gave me a star!” She would tell you, jumping around as you look at the star, along with the ‘very well done!’ written next to it.

You’re on your way to pick her up from the school, after finishing up with your own work. As you walk inside the school, you notice Rafe, Sage, and the rest of her classmates sitting in the grass in a circle. You can hear the little children giggling and Rafe laughing along with them. You can't help but smile at the sight; watching Rafe being extremely sweet with the children, always praising them when they do the little things right.

“Okay Sage it’s your turn,” Rafe smiles, handing her a football. “What do you love most?”

“My mamma!” She says, without hesitating even for a second. You softly gasp as you hear those words come from her mouth, deciding to stay here just for a moment more to see how this conversation unfolds.

“And what do you love about her?” Rafe asks her next, the smile still tugging on the corners of Rafe’s lips.

“She is pretty,” Sage sighs. “and she makes me happy.”

Hearing Sage not only call you pretty, but say you make her happy has tears pricking your eyes quickly. A soft smile takes over your face as you watch how Sage glows talking about you, her sweet grin never leaving her, and her little pigtails bouncing when she nods her head. These are the moments when you realize how lucky you are to have Sage in your life.

In the next few minutes Rafe wraps up the class and more parents appear to pick up their children. As Sage spots you, she comes rushing you and clutches onto your legs, hugging them tightly.

“Hey baby,” you smile, bending down to her level as you press a kiss to her cheek. “Did you have a good day?”

She looks up at you and nods her head, a grin on her face. Although you can see she’s feeling tired, her eyes droopy and yawns escaping her lips. “Good day,” she smiles at you, and hugs you. You hug her back, his head nuzzling in your neck. You laugh as you pick her up, her resting on your hip. Just as you get up, you see Rafe looking at you from a distance. You can't help but smile at him, and he waves at you.

A few seconds pass and you’re still looking at him, a smile persistent on your face. Sage’s body relaxes in your arms, and you see she’s almost asleep. You give Rafe a small nod of your head and walk back to where your car is parked.

You set Sage in her car seat, her now being completely asleep. As you close her door, you turn around to see Rafe walking to you.

“Hey,” you smile at him as he approaches you.

“Hi,” he says back, a similar smile on his face. You take a moment to look in his bright blue eyes, the light shining on them to make them seem even brighter than usual.

He takes a look into the car window, seeing the small resting body of Sage. “She’s very smart, you know? And a bright ray of sunshine,” he says, smiling fondly at her.

“I wouldn’t doubt that, she absolutely adores you,” I say. “She comes back home each day with a huge smile on her face,” I sigh, my smile not leaving my face.

“She is just… such a beautiful addition to the class,” Rafe says softly. A moment of silence passes over you two as you steal a glance at Sage in your car, her resting deeply in her seat. The cotton floss clouds slowly shift in the sky, small streaks of golden, hazy sunlight falling on you two.

Just for a second, you see the sunlight strike across Rafe’s eyes, and they seem a brighter blue than usual. Not the usual navy blue, but a sapphire blue instead; the pupil seeming even darker. Your own eyes almost widen at the ethereal sight; it seems as if his eyes just changed colors.

“Uh y/n?” Rafe calls softly. You blink yourself out of your daze and let a small smile grace your face, noticing how the sunrays aren’t falling across his eyes anymore and they’ve returned to their usual dark blue.

“Yeah?”

“Nothing, you just seemed a little lost there… is everything alright?” He asks, furrowing his brows a little.

And it happens again.

The sunlight falls, and the electric blue appears again. But you try your best to not distract yourself much from it.

“Yeah yeah,” you say, “everything’s alright,”

Silence falls over you two again, but it’s short lived before Rafe speaks again.

“Listen I uh… I wanted to ask you something,” Rafe says. You tilt your head slightly, your brows furrowed slightly.

“Hm?” You hum, wanting him to continue.

He seems to be fumbling with his words, not knowing what to say as his gaze refuses to meet yours, his eyes looking everywhere but at you.

“I was wondering if…” he takes a deep breath, and you notice his hands are at his back, and your first intuition is that he’s probably fiddling with his fingers the way he seems so flustered. “I was wondering if you’d like to grab some coffee with me sometime…” He says, and his voice fades by the end of the sentence, the words dissolving in the air around you.

The creases in your forehead relax and your eyes widen slightly as you process the words.

You and Rafe. Out for coffee. That sounds like a date…

“I mean, we don’t have to have coffee, we can go to some other place if that’s more of your thing…” he rambles. “We don’t even have to go to some food place, we can go for uh… movies and such, or uh… an art museum maybe…”

You can’t help but softly smile at him. His cheeks tinted with a light pink as he rambles on, listing possible locations of where you can go as his gaze refuses to meet yours. It feels as if you’re a teenager, your first crush asking you out.

“Rafe,” you say softly, and he looks up at you. “The offer is beautiful but…” you take a deep breath, “are you sure it’s okay for you to go out for coffee with a… a parent?”

“Of course it is,” he says almost immediately. “Don’t think of me as your child’s teacher I just… I would love to get to know you better,”

You can’t help but smile at his words. The idea sounds quite nice to you, not to mention how Rafe has caught your eye since you first ever saw him.

Since you ended your marriage, you were busy with raising Sage, leaving you no time to put yourself out there for dating whatsoever. You barely even had time to even make a simple conversation with someone, seeing how you were always busy with either taking care of Sage or your own job.

But this? It feels right.

“Then it’s okay,” you say. “I’ll love to have some coffee with you,”

You can see how Rafe’s eyes light up; metaphorically and literally as the sunlight strikes against them and they turn the sharp electric blue, but it’s only momentary. His lips pull into a grin and he nods at you. “Sounds wonderful,” he says softly.

You acknowledge him with a nod of your own head, and pass on a smile.

This is good. This feels good.

↶ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷ ˊˎ-

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[hiraya-rawr]

— to pass the kamisato standards .

synopsis !! kamisato reader introduces their lover to their siblings, ayato and ayaka! just hcs and brainrotting

characters !! thoma, diluc, childe, al haitham, gorou, kazuha

contains !! gn reader, written while sleep deprived please don't judge if it doesn't make sense huhuh, a bit of a character study on how the kamisatos perceive other characters!

note !! been posting more lately! im in a good mood and would like to share more content ☺️ i also have drafts saved up. also, have you checked out the @/yaepublishinghouse ? i've joined the writing team!

T H O M A

Ah, Thoma? You don't even need to ask. he's already part of the family!

the safest option, really. they already considered him family long before your heart started fluttering around the househelper.

"well, it's honestly about time. ayaka and i have long noticed your affections for thoma," ayato smirks as you two turn red, "don't think i don't know what's going on in my own household, do you?"

not much would change after having your relationship official; thoma might be the only one to experience the change in people's treatment of him as the three kamisatos encourage him to be more proud in his status!

"we're going to get married, don't let people trample over you like that!" you pout. surprisingly enough, thoma is quick to adjust to a "noble behavior" while still keeping his friendly boyish charms.

D I L U C

foreign nobility? for real? your siblings would worry, do you want to live away from them?

thoma might be the only one a little more open to the idea. sure, he's sad but he respects your choice and who you love.

"Mondstadt is a great place. I'm sure it'll be a home for you, just like how Inazuma became a home for me."

ayato is more or less suspicious. "I've heard... rumors," he says carefully, "That man is suspicious to say the least. I'm not sure I trust him."

all in all, with how closed off inazuma seems to be, the kamisatos would be most reluctant to send you off to another nation for some solitary man with a questionable schedule.

C H I L D E

A fatui harbinger? Are you out of your mind!

no. no no no. you are not going all the way to snezhnaya for a fatui harbinger. love is fleeting, your affections will pass.

you really don't need him -your siblings would try to convince you- he has money? the kamisatos have money too. he's someone of rank? so does your siblings. what do you mean you love him so much?

"He's a family kind of guy! He's really sweet!" you'll plead and they'll still shake their heads no.

In fact, Ayato would go on a thorough investigation about exactly what the harbinger has been up to. From the incident in liyue to the homicidal tendencies.

unless you decide to elope, there's no way your siblings would give their blessing.

A L H A I T H A M

the scribe of the academia is a fine man, but some call him a... lunatic.

this one is a 50/50.

admittedly, your siblings are content with his status and background. he works under sumeru's government, just like the kamisatos, and was nominated for the highest ranking position only second to an archon.

he works rationally too! smart and efficient. that's great— but why is he such a blunt smartass?

Throughout the meeting with him, Ayato has a plastered smile on his face. Each conversation seems like a landmine, waiting to explode, trying to best the other with words.

Ayaka is more or less nervously sweating beside them, but you suppose you're glad that they're getting along!

G O R O U

oh? the general of watatsumi? an interesting choice!

ayato considers it a political win. with the kamisato name tied together with the general of watatsumi island, this could lead to better peace relations! and the kamisatos would be the head of it all.

being a general is no easy task, thats something ayato could greatly respect. meanwhile, ayaka and gorou are already familiar friends!

it's a little sad that watatsumi is on another island, but at least you get to stay in inazuma! you're also happy that you get to contribute to inazumas progressive politics as part of the kamisato household, living up to your duty.

K A Z U H A

the wandering samurai. . . ? are you sure?

while a good friend of the kamisato household, kazuha has already left the noble lifestyle of the kaedeharas.

it's not that your siblings want you to marry into nobility, it's just that they'll feel more comfortable if you were in a familiar environment.

meanwhile, kazuha is constantly on the move, never staying at one place. they trust him immensely but are you sure you're up for that change?

kazuha is a good choice, but a worrisome one nonetheless.

commissions || general m.list || ko-fi

taglist !! @absolut-wildflower @boundedbyfate @sadlonelybagel @eissaaaa @ladycoleigh @nejibot @milkypompon @bloodreaper08 @irethepotato @x-zho @mich-cola @mxsomn @ackrylik @nicebonescomrade @starforecasts @stygianoir @yuminako @eccedentesiast-sapphic @nebulaera @nuttytani @klutzkat @shizunxie @bluriie @aestellia @abyislan08

[calmcoldevening]

Hi, I was wondering if you could do a Micheal Myers X Dr. Loomis’s daughter reader one shot? I thought it’d be an interesting read lol. If you’re not Interested or too busy that’s completely fine! I just haven’t seen any one else do this request. Honestly, I would request more, but I’m always too nervous to talk to people online and in person. Sorry for the unnecessary rambling! Thank you and have a lovely day or night ( depending on what time you see this lol )!

Michael Myers x reader, who is Dr. Loomis's daughter

The boy with the eyes of the devil. Monster.

You didn’t fully understand what your father was talking about, after all, at that time you were only six years old, but you could say with confidence that this “something” made your father terribly nervous and even frightened him, although he would never admit it.

It was an ordinary early November morning. The weather was cloudy, all the streets were filled with milky fog. The damp air settled unpleasantly in my lungs with each new breath. You sat in the back seat of the car while your father put the key in the ignition. Your small hands nervously fiddled with the edge of your seat belt. Not to say that this was your first trip to your father’s place of work, no. On the contrary, you often went there with him, because sometimes there was no one to leave you with at home, almost all of your dad’s colleagues knew you. And yet today the atmosphere in the car was unpleasantly oppressive and dense, you could literally cut it with a knife. It seemed that your father was weighed down by some thoughts, but you did not dare to ask him about it.

The journey to the psychiatric hospital took quite a long time because your father decided to take a longer but safer route. He didn't want any accident to happen due to such thick fog.

When you arrived at the hospital, it was already around seven in the morning. You approached a tall building, which, despite its appearance and neat paths for walking with patients, inspired subconscious fear in you. Your father gently but firmly took your hand.It was quite dark outside, so when you walked inside, an unpleasant greenish light hit your eyes, creating a strangely tense atmosphere among the white walls of the hospital. Your father immediately went to some office. It was a small office, filled with various folders and documents. In the middle of the room, at a dark table, sat the man with whom your father was now talking. You didn’t pay much attention to their conversation, completely captivated by the small colorful fish in the aquarium. Your children's palms carefully pressed against the slightly cloudy glass, joyfully following with your eyes the colorful fish hiding among the tall corals.

Finally, your father called your name, causing you to reflexively turn your head in his direction. His voice was gentle and calm, but it still contained his characteristic sternness.

 “I need you to stay here for a while, okay? I have work in another office. Will you be a good girl for me?” Loomis asked with a small smile, patting your head. In response, you only nodded briefly.

You were always a smart and understanding child, so Loomis was not afraid to leave you alone. Although he knew that you liked to play by your own rules from time to time, the man really trusted you and your smart mind for a child. After all, you are your father's daughter.

 About fifteen minutes passed before you realized that you were tired of watching the office fish. What's the point of staring at them for a long time if all they do is swim back and forth and back? You definitely should have taken some toys from home. Finally, when boredom took over, you carefully left the office, hoping to find your father and proudly declare that you had nothing to do. Wandering along the corridor, you caught some nurse and asked where your dad was now. This kind soul, of course, didn’t know that she shouldn’t tell you about this, but everyone in this place knew you as a smart and calm child, so she told you the right office without any problems.

It was a particularly remote room at the end of the corridor. The dim green light barely reached here, and there were no windows in this part of the hospital. You quietly opened the right door, wincing slightly at the disgusting creak, and went inside. Inside there was another door with a small window to the right of it. You walked closer to the window, because of your short stature you could barely see what was happening on the other side of the glass. But you perfectly saw your father sitting with his back to you. A strange boy sat next to him. His blond hair was disheveled and looked somewhat dirty, and his empty dark eyes looked simultaneously into nothingness, but at the same time into your very soul. He looked no older than your age, although he was obviously larger than you in size. Your father was telling him something, but the boy did not react to his words at all, he just looked blankly out the window opposite. Did he look at you? Unknown.But it seemed to you that the moment you came into his field of vision, the boy’s head shifted slightly to the side.

This was the first time you saw this boy, a most strange but intriguing meeting. Michael Myers. That’s what your father called him, looking through the child’s personal file in your kitchen at home with a cup of coffee in his hands.

The next time you saw this boy was only about two weeks later. Your father purposefully brought you to Michael's room, hoping that perhaps you, as a child, could establish some kind of contact with this strange boy. Loomis gently squeezed your hand, looking down at you with a smile.

“This is a special boy. You should try playing with him, okay?” You nodded curtly in response. "That’s my girl."

Loomis led you into the same small room, not even suspecting that you had already been here once. Your own cunning caused a small, naive smile to bloom on your face. Loomis led you to Michael sitting on the bed and sat you on the chair next to him.

“I’ll be behind this door if anything happens to you, okay honey?” With these words, Loomis left the room.

You carefully sat down on the chair, folding your hands in your lap. The boy in front of you looked almost like a lifeless doll, so empty was the look in his dark eyes. He looked somewhere ahead and didn't even blink. You smiled slightly, deciding to use all your charm and friendliness.

“My name is Y/N. And what is your name?"

The boy didn't react. But you could have sworn you saw the focus of his eyes shift from the emptiness in front of him to you, seemingly appraising you. A pleasant burning sensation lit up in your heart when you realized that this boy was truly “special”, as your dad told you, and not some emotionless vegetable. It seems like that’s what doctors called such people, no? You weren't sure. But you really wanted to appear grown up and work like your dad in the future, so you wanted to start getting some knowledge about it right now.

“Your name is Michael, right?” you smiled your childish, somewhat toothless smile, “You don’t really like to talk, do you? I think yes. Then do you mind if I do the talking?” There was only silence in response. You giggled, “Silence is a sign of consent! So, I'm six. Probably you too? I haven’t been told much about you, to be honest.”

Now you leaned back in your chair, folding your arms over your chest and pouting your lips in a mock pout.

“This is so awkward. I want to grow up quickly so I won't be treated like a child anymore! Oh, you know, I really like to draw! I don't think you'll tell me what you like, after all, it's just me talking now, but next time let me bring sketchbooks and pencils? I think you'll enjoy drawing too! It's really interesting."

One moment there is darkness, and the next there is this gentle voice and a warm feeling of presence. Other... people radiated only coldness and anger towards him, but this pure soul was strangely kind and welcoming. He had already felt it once, when that unpleasant and stern man was in front of him, but then she was far away. Now she was right in front of him. A girl. She told him her name, and even tried to start some kind of cute, even somewhat stupid, childish conversation with him. There was absolutely no point in talking to this girl, but for some reason her presence was strangely comforting and almost pleasant. It was as if he was little again, at home. But now he knew that he did not have that warm, old home. Not after the voice in his head told him to kill his dirty sister, no. And yet now he wanted the presence of this girl, although he himself did not know why.

You have become a frequent visitor to this psychiatric hospital. You usually visited Michael once or twice a week, and Loomis very soon noticed the results. The boy really opened up to you. Even if it really couldn’t be seen with a simple glance, Samuel, as a psychiatrist, had long noticed the difference: the way Michael’s head tilted when he listened with interest to your stories, or the way he gave you certain unambiguous answers in his own way. It seemed that the two of you had your own language, understandable only to you two. Michael even smiled next to you (although it could hardly be called a smile, but the corners of his lips curled up slightly nervously when he saw you, although it only happened for a split second). For Loomis, this was indeed a definite discovery. The man noticed how the boy sat on his bed for a long time, waiting for you, and seemed to be calculating the time and day. The hospital did not tell him today’s date, because there was no particular need for this, but Michael independently realized that you usually come on Tuesday or Wednesday and always Friday. Surprisingly, his cold heart opened up to you.

At first, this really encouraged Loomis, because perhaps his patient was beginning to recover. But after two or three months he realized that he was mistaken. Michael's personality development only happened in exceptional moments when you were around. The rest of the time, he did not react in any way to the requests or words of the staff and doctors. Michael has become attached to you. No, rather, to some extent he became obsessed with you. Loomis saw that deadly metallic glint in Michael's dark eyes as the man walked back into the room, saying your time is up. Michael’s childish fists almost twitched, as if an obsessive desire to hurt the doctor arose in his mind, if only you would remain nearby.

As the years passed, the doctor realized that getting you into Myers' "treatment" was a bad idea. Now you are ten years old, and Loomis has reduced your meetings to twice a month. He noticed how this affected the boy.

Now Michael absolutely refused to make contact with any of the doctors, spending all his free time in his room, staring blankly at the ceiling. His wall near the bed was covered with your drawings, and on a small table in the corner of the room lay a half-empty pack of pencils and a new album. You brought it during your last visit, saying that you would draw it next time. Five weeks have passed since that time, and Michael still hasn’t dared to touch the ill-fated album. The cover with the cats was already fairly covered with dust, and the pencils were covered in red and black. Michael obediently waited for the next time, knowing that you would not deceive. It is so? You always came back, no matter how badly he behaved with doctors, right? He will wait as long as necessary, like a little faithful puppy.

The guy stopped counting the days, and the world around him turned into endless darkness. All these brainless doctors and orderlies, whose souls are each blacker than the other. Vile, dirty people with no compassion. He missed his little flower. A pure, cheerful creature who brings colors into his life, and with them light. Her soul was the only source of light in this endless dark pit. Why was it taken from him? They took away his source of warmth and light, his little sun. She will be back. She'll definitely be back. She's different. He knows.

---

It was an ordinary cloudy day at the Illinois State Mental Hospital. The sky was covered with a dense layer of gray clouds, threatening to burst into torrential rain, and fog covered everything around. The evening swayed the trees with thin tables with unprecedented force, carrying already fairly yellowed leaves for miles around in a simple dance.

You sighed nervously, looking at the fading nature outside the window. Finally, you turned your head in the direction of your father, who was enthusiastically giving you another lecture of instructions, completely not noticing that you were absolutely not interested in it.

"..dad. I’ve read his personal file three times already, I understand everything, okay?”

The man frowned, but exhaled in defeat, folding his hands behind his back. Even when he relaxed his face, a few wrinkles on his face remained, clearly indicating the man's age and the stress of his job.

“I know, I’m just worried about you.Are you sure you want to practice medicine with this particular patient? You know, there are several dozen more patients in your specialty, and less dangerous ones..."

“Dad,” you interrupt him with a frown, “You and I have already discussed this several times, haven’t we? Don't worry. After all, he is your patient, I know you will intervene if something goes wrong.”

Finally the man gave in. He nodded in agreement and briefly hugged you, patting you on the head like when you were a child. A short “ok” left his lips, and together you headed towards the ill-fated office.

The sound of a door opening. Michael didn't bother to turn his head towards the entering doctor. The guy knew that now again the meaningless dialogues on the part of the doctor and even more meaningless taking of pills would begin. He was healthy, the guy was sure of it. He had long ago become accustomed to the emptiness in his chest that had become painfully familiar to him and the noise of endless thoughts in his mind. And he didn't want to change that. It was as if, over such a long period of time, this state had become like a protective cocoon for him.

The room was filled with an unobtrusive sweetish aroma of some fruity perfume, from which Michael could barely restrain himself from wrinkled his nose. The heavy silence in the room was interrupted only by the steady tapping of women's heels. It had been a long time since he had been visited by a female doctor, something new.

"Hello, Michael."

These few words made the guy's heart clench unpleasantly. He stared in front of him, now fully feeling that long-forgotten feeling of warmth and light presence. That bright figure of white light appeared before my eyes again, like the purest angel on earth. A short sigh escaped from his chest, and his lips almost reflexively bent into a pitiful semblance of a smile. Still, he was really glad to see her. He knew she would return. He knew, even if that pathetic old man and his employees told Michael otherwise. He knew you were different.

"It's been a long time... I'm really sorry."

He remained silent, instead absorbing her every new word like a sponge thrown into the sea. Now he didn't care that she left, because she came back. The guy tried to remember everything: the aroma of her perfume, which now seemed so painfully sweet and pleasant, driving his entire pulsating mind crazy; the sound of her angelic voice is like a gentle cradle, lulling him in her tender embrace. He tried to remember everything. Now her fragile image filled his entire mind. He wanted to touch, touch, feel, show that she was his. Over the many years of being here, he realized that she was his, and he had to prove it to everyone. His light, his delicate flower, his sun.The guy was ready to fulfill all her instructions and requests, if only she would stay with him as long as possible. Stayed forever.

Now the girl came to him every day, and Michael could not imagine anything better. It was as if all his dreams had come true.

She was his personal nurse.

In the mornings she sometimes combed his hair. Usually it stuck out and was very messy and dirty, but now his curly hair looked clean and soft.

She brought him food, and sometimes Michael deliberately chose to pretend to be a brainless vegetable, if only she would feed him herself, gently bringing the spoon to his bitten lips.

Michael could have sworn that there was actually excitement and tenderness in her actions, as if she was worried and genuinely cared about him. And just thinking about it made his soul warm. Now he heard her voice every day, felt her gentle touches, felt her trepidation and care. But this was not enough. He wanted more. Michael felt a strange burning sensation when she talked to other people in the hospital, especially men. He began to feel an unpleasant itch, and images were scrolling through his head of how he could kill this vile guard and then pull her into his protective arms. Michael wanted her hands on his neck or in his hair, and his hands on her soft hips. He wanted her for himself and no one else.

---

That morning you came again to give Michael pills. You were the only one Michael allowed to give him his medicine. He would even drink poison from your hands. The main condition was that there should be no security either inside or outside.

You moved closer, gently lifting Michael's chin with your gentle fingers. He wrapped his arms around your hips, looking up at you, and obediently opened his mouth. You placed the colored tablet on his tongue, to which he quickly swallowed it, without water. The man’s hands gently roamed over your soft flesh, pressing you as close to him as possible. You gently massaged his tangled hair, lightly scratching his itchy skin from constant thoughts.

“Michael..” his name sounds like the sweetest honey on your tongue, the man is ready to listen to this for an eternity, “I’m sorry, but today is the last day of my practice.”

Michael raised his eyebrows slightly, snuggling into your gentle hand.He wanted you to explain what it was about and why you had such a sad expression on your face. The guy wanted answers, but you perfectly remembered your father’s request not to tell him about it. This could cause Michael to become aggressive. Still, you didn’t want to hurt him. So you just briefly hugged him by his strong shoulders and briefly kissed his forehead.

The next day you didn't come.

And every other day too.

Did he do something wrong? The evil doctors did not allow you to come to him again? Michael had many questions, and yet, the answer for him was the arrogant smiling face of Dr. Loomis.

---

It was Halloween evening. You have already distributed all your candy to the children in colorful costumes, who for a good few hours interrupted your peaceful existence with their constant knocking on the door. Now you were sitting relaxed on the sofa in the living room and watching your favorite horror movie, sipping sweet soda with pleasure. And so, at the next moment, when something terrible was about to happen in the film, you heard that ill-fated doorbell again. With an annoyed sigh, you stood up from the couch, setting the soda on the table, and headed towards the door. To your surprise, there was no one on the street. But as soon as you closed the door, a pair of strong arms wrapped around your waist. You tried to escape, hitting the stranger in the stomach with your elbows, to which you only received a muffled grunt. A strange metallic smell filled my nose. You turned around, feeling your heart beating wildly in fear in your chest. Your eyes met the emotionless eye-shaped cutouts on the latex mask. Is this some kind of joke? You wanted to scream, but were interrupted by the sharp sensation of someone else's lips on your neck. How did he manage to roll up the edge of his mask so quickly? You bit your lower lip in fear, pulling off the unfortunate mask with one sharp movement. Now a pair of sad dark eyes are staring at you.

“Michael?.. How you.. why are you here?”

The man just muttered something unintelligible, rubbing his nose against the skin of your neck.

Loomis worriedly dialed your phone number, putting the phone to his ear. His most dangerous and unstable patient has escaped. Possible options for his direction were his younger sister Laurie and... you.

“Y/N, baby, are you okay? I'm in the hospital now and Myers has escaped! If he headed towards you and something happened to you, I don’t know what I’ll do...” The doctor muttered nervously, wiping his own forehead, sweaty from stress, with his palm.

“No, it's okay, dad. I didn’t see him,” came the answer from the other side of the line. A steady, quiet snoring could be heard in the background.

[coffeegnomee]

I saw a lot of people asking what Kab learned from Zam that made her so excited and say he talks too much, so I put together a list along with some extra analysis on Kab’s mentality. 

I watched the scene after seeing tumblr and everyone wondering what she learned so I was taking note of every thing she said that I remember her not already having knowledge about and being like, is this what she was interested about? Is this? Is this? Until I got to the point where I was like, if I keep asking that question, the answer is yes she learned a lot of things that she did not previously know. 

Also like, taking it from the point of view that every time she goes “huh” after Zam says something she's just saying out loud “i just learned something important that I am making a note of.”

Below are the summation (in order) of what I think she is referencing when she said she learned so much.

Zam is an encyclopedia of analysis. He analyzes people.

Zam doesn’t hold a grudge. He does not want to hurt people. 

He doesn't blow up builds or grief. He will intervene when another player’s life is in danger though, like Poafa. 

He would protect her from Mane if he jumped her at spawn. 

He is a defender, not pacifist. 

She apologized for misjudging him here, and then she asked what does motivate him, to which he immediately clammed up and did not want to regale the tale of jokerzam and why he’s a pacifist.

(this is one of two walls she hit where she was unable to get an answer to her question. meaning every other question was answered and Zam is an open book. doesn't matter that that is just Zam and the info is general server knowledge you should know: she didn't know it beforehand)

He doesn't care about his safety. Pacifism isn’t about his own safety. 

She notes that Zam didn’t open up when she said “i have time” to him saying it’s too long of a story, and that seems to indicate to her that he doesn't trust/feel comfortable enough with her to tell her everything yet. 

So instead she asks about bacon, he also clams up (second wall). She apologizes again, trying to get endearment points.

She then shifts the conversation away from his motivations, and notably will move back towards in the future. 

He got 18 hearts from building. That means he’s smart. 

This is when she starts off about how much he has at his fingertips that he isn’t using. Honestly I just noticed how much that shift happened right after he told her he got hearts from building. 

KAB: “i just don't understand why you put these limitations on yourself Zam” 

ZAM: “*intake breath* well there’s a reason! Again. But I don't want to [laughs] go into it of course” 

KAB: ‘if you don't want to go into it, i can't expect you to go into but i also can't make assumptions and decisions based on information i don't know”

Circling back to asking his motivations, but basing it on the idea that he should tell her the story out of a desire to help her understand him more. She already thinks she’s done enough endearment that he will care that she makes good assumptions about him. 

This is where we start to see that she’s not really learning all that much, but that doesn't mean that she doesn’t think she learning things. She gains information here, but even if we know she doesn’t apply it correctly, or use effective techniques to gain that info: that doesn’t matter.

He talks about how he doesn't just understand the players, but the server too.

And it’s not that he's worried they would get caught trying to make peace on lifesteal, it’s about people hating the concept of peace. 

She circles back again with, “okay well again, I don't know your priorities, zam. It’s very difficult to piece logic behind your actions when I don't know what they’re working for”

What she doesn’t pick up on is why Zam is talking about keeping the server healthy through not trying to stop people from fighting on lifesteal.

She concludes instead that he is okay with others fighting as long as they don't rope others in and he is a protector more than a pacifist. 

She learns his thoughts on Mane. but she does not pick up on Zam’s insistence on the nuance of not giving Mane an excuse to kill randomly. She still thinks he just kills completely randomly without reason. But she still learns his thoughts.

She learns his thoughts on Clown and they line up with what she thinks about Clown. more or less.

She learns about Mapicc. Whom she had no idea how to think about at all before this. Him and Spoke were on the “i don't understand them stay far away from them list” 

She learned Mapicc can tunnel after you super effectively. 

She learned Mapicc fights with more honor than people give him credit for and that he is not hyperviolent like she thought he was. 

She goes on about “the issue is you could use [analysis about others] so much better than everyone else” which gets Zam to say Spoke is insanely good at analysis and that makes her literally make a note to talk to him. 

And she learns that almost everyone analyzes, and she seems to note it down too but idk how much she believes that. 

She learns Spoke might instantly kill her. And that conversely, he might have a convo if she’s live. 

And that he is more violent than previous seasons like he was in the wormhole which she remembers. 

She learns that Zam will go against her if she goes against him. Interestingly enough though, at the end of stream she says “I’ve giving him a warning that I’m going to fuck with some stuff so he shouldn’t.. He shouldn't label that as me betraying him” So she didn’t apply that knowledge well. oh well.

The rest of the conversation I think shifts to Zam learning stuff.  How she prioritizes her own conclusions over anything else, like with Red and Woogie, with Bacon. 

Kab in theory learns what he sounds like when he’s fishing for information but idk if she even picks up on it.

She does hear it at the end, which is when she clams down and says if you’re sure of your abilities I don't have to tell you anything then. Which is a really weird thing to say, but she does finally stop leaking info. 

As a side note, if you haven't been watching Kab streams, Kab went into that conversation with the mindset that Zam has an evil plan for the end of the server. That he’s completely acting and isn’t really pacifist. And we’ve all been fooled by him. She’s said it multiple times on her streams. (notably during consequences)

So imo, when she keeps circling back to ask about his mentality she’s more thinking he’s hiding some future plan rather than the reality of him hiding the past.

But by the end she notes verbally (I think three times) that he’s a protector not pacifist. And she apologizes like five times about mischaracterizing him, mostly for flattery, but also there was some truth in that I think where she finally stopped thinking he has a major plan of evil. Which is a huge thing to learn.

This is all hypothetical though, I know I'm assuming quite a bit about what she really thought, and what she had already been thinking. Also this is the best case scenario by far, assuming she has perfect memory of the convo. I combed through the vod so I'm automatically going to note more than she probably did in the moment.

But I think it gives a scale for what she was learning in that convo. And some context as to why she was excited.

[lowfunctioningoptimist]

Being a former Schoolteacher in the Van Der Linde Gang

Prompt: {Reader as a Former Teacher in the Van Der Linde Gang}

Fem!Reader x Various

Summary: It’s no secret that the Van Der Linde Gang brought together all sorts of misfits of all sorts of backgrounds. Hosea had been a stage actor, Bill had been a soldier, and Javier was once a revolutionary. However, with all these strange yet vibrant histories, yours always made you stand out. Far to off in the eastern side of the country, you had lived a modest but respectable life as a schoolteacher. 

Note: Reader is written as being in her late twenties to early thirties. I only have Arthur, John, Dutch, Abigail, Mary-Beth, Javier, Molly, and Sean in this post. I do intend to write the others, I just didn't want this to be too long. I can also write specific imagines or romantic hcs if requested!

ARTHUR

He’s likely to be the first to develop a crush on you. Honestly.

Arthur finds you comforting. You carry yourself with a warmth and a certain air of confidence that makes him feel safe in your presence. He didn’t have much schooling, so he sometimes gets shy about talking about academic subjects. Still, you do manage to coax him into deeper conversations than just “mornin’” and “lovely day, ain’t it?”

Arthur is softer than he seems and sees more than he’s always willing to say. After cracking through the awkward small-talk phase of your friendship, you and Arthur begin to talk more on philosophy. He’s never considered himself all that smart, but you tell him that he’s insightful. Insightful? Him? It's enough to make him blush sometimes.

As he gets to know you better, Arthur starts to do small favors for you. Nothing too big. Just things like bringing back books from town or little trinkets he thought you might like. If you need help with your chores, he might just join you if Miss Grimshaw ain't around. Certain people in the gang have taken to calling him, "teacher's pet."

JOHN

He hardly paid you any mind, at first.

After you spent a few weeks with the gang, he started seeing you with Jack. Thought nothing of it, at first. Then it became a regular occurrence and despite himself, he got just a touch paranoid. You were brand new to the gang. A stranger. Why would Abigail let you near his her son? He confronted her only to find out that Abigail had asked you to teach Jack as his own private tutor. Needless to say, he felt a bit silly.

From what he can tell, you're not half-bad of a teacher. Jack's learning his numbers, writing his name, and is starting to ask for more books. While a part of him wants to be happy... it only vexes him further. Why would such an innocent civilian such as yourself be all the way out here?

John takes a while to warm up to you, but you proved to be less stuffy than you looked. You have a firm yet gentle way about you. And somehow, you can correct someone without ever making them feel stupid or simple for it.

DUTCH

He enjoys your keen mind and education, but he also resents it.

Dutch won't share with the others how he found you or how you became an outlaw. He likes to say that it's your story to tell. Really, he just like to know something no one else does. His reason for recruiting you was just as simple, he hadn't met someone like you before.

It's not everyday he meets an ex-teacher-turned-outlaw. Dutch found your situation interesting, unique. He does so like to collect outcasts. Especially one as educated and clean as you. Dutch starts to linger by you as you do your chores to initiate a playful debate. Unlike most in the gang, you disagree with some of his philosophies and have counterarguments that make him pause. That's not to say you've ever convinced him to change his mind, oh no. His pauses are more for him to steady himself so he doesn't show how bothered your resistance makes him.

As much as Dutch loves to spar with you mentally, he secretly finds offense in your obstinance. What you see as playful debate may just turn into a case against you as a traitor.

JAVIER

Now, this one may seem odd, but Javier is second most likely to develop a strong attraction for you. 

When he first saw you, it wasn’t precisely love at first sight. You were new, having joined just after Charles. Javier agreed with Bill that you wouldn’t last long. Everything about you just screamed, “civilian.” You dressed modestly, wore spectacles, spoke proper English, and seemed clueless as how to survive in the west. The only reason he didn’t outright resent you was because Dutch had been the one to bring you into the gang. 

The crush started around the same time you got more comfortable at camp. Sometimes you let your hair down, literally and figuratively, both of which he found very attractive. You have a mouth on you, and you aren’t scared of much. Seeing you stare down Bill for swearing in front of Jack was enough to prove that. He likes how tough but fair you are. How you’re educated but you’re not stuck up about it, unlike some he’s met. 

MARY-BETH

Is shy about it, but eventually goes to you for help with her writing.

Mary-Beth finds out that you both like “silly romance,” books and she starts to talk about how she writes her own. With it being so hard to find new things to read, you jump at the chance to read her work. Mary-Beth is quite shy about it, but she lets you read a few pages. Much to her surprise, you praise the work and ask for more. She starts to use you as an editor for some of her short stories. You enjoy her writing quite a lot and encourage her to keep going. 

You and Mary-Beth get on very well. You’re both bookworms and not too keen on violence for violence’s sake. Privately, you talk about what you hope your life will be like some day.

SEAN

Finds the fact that you’re an outlaw to be completely hilarious. 

As he gets more used to your presence, Sean starts to come to you with questions about the world. He does this because, as a teacher, he assumes you must know the answer to at least some of these. Questions like, “Why do we call ducks and geese different things when they look alike?” or “How’d we even decide what to name things? Did we see an orange’n on a trre an’ tink, ‘Oh now that’s an orange!’ or did we already have the color all sorted out? How’d they name colors to begin with?”

Sean will sometimes follow you around camp to ask you these questions, and the gang finds it quite funny. You’ll just be doing your chores with Sean slinking behind you as his mouth runs a mile a minute. What surprises most is that you usually at least try to give him an answer. Some folks didn’t believe you were really a teacher when you first joined… They believed you after they saw how patient you can be with Sean. 

ABIGAIL

First, she was suspicious of you. Then, she trusted you more than most.

Once Abigail was certain you weren’t going to sprint back into town to turn everyone in, she had a favor to ask. Jack was getting older and although Hosea and Dutch offered to teach him to read and write, they hadn’t the time to start. She asked you to teach him whatever you could when time allowed. You were excited to help, eager. Jack being as young as he was, took to your lessons fast. In little time, you were helping him sound out sentences and write his name. This started a new problem for Abigail, however. She never learned to read or write herself. Jack would try to show her his work, or ask her to read him a story, and she couldn’t.

Instead of shaming her, you offered to teach her how to read as well. Abigail refused at first, but relented when you said she could teach you how to sew in return. Through her, you start to feel more a part of the gang.

MOLLY

She only started to have a problem with you once she realized you weren’t some old hag.

When you first joined the gang, you were still dressing like a teacher. Your clothes were bulky and formless, hair all pulled back in a bun, and you were quiet. As you got more into the outlaw life, you started to dress a bit more like the other women. Started showing more of your personality. And more importantly, Dutch started to pull you aside more often. 

Molly can’t help but feel paranoid about you and Dutch. When she spies in on you two, all she sees is you both reading or debating. It’s not as if he’s holding your hand or whispering in your ear… but it feels wrong. Dutch talks to you about things he won’t talk to her about. Books, philosophy, world events, the strange and esoteric. It feels like you satisfy him in a way she can’t, and Molly comes unglued thinking about it. 

[anarchy-and-piglins]

How about a Mafia Peerpressure AU?

Techno is a high school student. He tutors middle schoolers as part-time job to save up money for college. He totally expects to get scholarships and stuff, but places don't really DO full rides anymore. In modern day now times, full rides don't really exist. So, yeah, he tutors middle schoolers for money.

His favorite student is Ranboo. Obviously, because his Moms pay the best. And they have the nicest house. And the best snacks. Like, really, other kids his age are breaking their backs serving burgers to stuck up Karens while Techno is chilling teaching a quiet kid about area and perimeter formulas. He wins.

And maaaaayybe Ranboo is pretty cool, too. He certainly doesn't try to bite like Phil's younger brother Tommy. If Phil wasn’t his best friend, he would drown that jerk in the school pool for laughing at him when Tommy LITERALLY bit his ankles. Ranboo's also better than that kid Tubbo because it was SOOOOO obvious that kid already knew everything and just thought it was hilarious to pretend he didn't. Techno saw the calculus book in the kid's room. He wasn't fooled.

Ranboo was smart, too. He was just a little shy and unconfident. Anxious with a issues with forgetting assignments and homework. His mind tended to wander in class and only zoned back in when the teacher repeated the question for the third time.

Technoblade TOTALLY didn't see himself in Ranboo. Nope. No way. The fact that Technoblade's self-made strategies helped the kid out was complete coincidence. Yep.

Ranboo was also HILARIOUS. Once the kid realized Technoblade wasn't going to roll his eyes whenever Ranboo accidentally left his homework at school, the kid brightened up alot. The sarcasm matched Technoblade's humor well. They have a lot of the same interests, too!

Honestly, Techno wondered if this was what it was like to have a little brother. Techno had always assumed a younger sibling would result in a kid like...Tommy.

Eventually, there is some event that has the Middle Schoolers come up to the High School for the day. Maybe a sport event, maybe a Mentor Day. However, Techno just sort of sees Ranboo around in the periphery.

Until lunch.

Of COURSE Tommy would find some way to weasel away from his group to eat lunch with his Brother. Phil doesn't seem too bothered (or surprised) by his little brother squeezing onto the bench at lunch.

However, Tommy didn't JUST bring himself. Oh no, he had to bring the rest of his trio with him. All three of them squeezing to try and fit on the bench.

Ranboo apologizes when his elbow digs into Techno's side. Techno assures him its fine.

Or it was fine until the men with guns come in.

Instant chaos. Kids start running before the men with guns even say anything. Phil yeets Tommy out of the bench before grabbing Tubbo's arm and sprinting. Techno throws a frozen Ranboo over his shoulder and follows. The men with guns fire into the ceiling, shouting orders at the kids who haven't run yet.

Technoblade's group don't hear it. They are already out the door and GONE.

They aren't the only ones. Techno definitely passes Niki and Jack. Quackity and Charlie carried Fundy and Purpled (well, Charlie was carrying them) and were running toward the front parking lot. Technoblade's group turn a corner and MORE MEN WITH GUNS.

They just barely get away from them, but Ranboo and Techno get separated from the others.

Ranboo is freaking out, saying that he HAS to call his Moms. He NEEDS to call them. Technoblade tries to say they NEED to call the police, but Ranboo is insistent.

Technoblade finds a place for them to hide under a stairwell and Ranboo immediately wips out his phone and calls his Moms. Techno keeps a lookout, listening for ANYONE who gets close. He doesn't even register Ranboos whispered conversation.

Ranboo tugs on Techno’s sleeve and hands the phone to him.

Techno has never heard Ranboo's Mom be so...serious. She is usually so warm, but she is downright FRIGID. She tells Technoblade to try and make their way to the gymnasium, which is on the complete opposite side of the building. They have to do it while staying out of sight of the cameras. Techno tries to ask for an explanation, but he keeps getting cut off by her clipped tone.

Eventually, the line goes dead and Technoblade has nothing else to do but obey.

Cue desperate attempt to get through the school. Climbing up into the drop ceiling and army crawling across classrooms held at gunpoint. Lock picking the door that leads to the roof so they can carefully make it to the fire escape on the otherside.

At one point, Techno gets in a tussle with a solitary gunman, tries to wrestle to get the gun away from him without the guy calling for help. The guy manages to shoot Techno in the arm, but he doesn't give up. In the tussle, Ranboo kicks a fireman's axe toward Technoblade.

Technoblade doesn't even hesitate to bury it in the guy's neck. Though, afterwards, he quietly had a panic attack over what he just did.

He can't act scared, though. That will just freak Ranboo out more than the kid was already freaking out. Honestly, he should have grabbed a paper bag earlier to help with the hyperventalating kid.

Technoblade is still bleeding from the gunshot that hit is bicep. But they don't have time to fix it because the scuffle was DEFINITELY heard.

Techno grabs Ranboo's wrist and sprint toward the gym. They are so close. He ignores the shouts after them as he bursts throught the door into the gymnasium. There is no one in there and they HAVE TO HIDE.

The locker rooms? No, they will check that immediately. Under the bleachers? They'll be spotted. Technoblade spots the climbing rope. He tells Ranboo to wrap his arms around Techno's neck and Technoblade starts to climb.

Never had Techno been more grateful that he was incredibly competitive. He and Phil had been trying to one up each other with the dumb rope, seeing who could get the top first. Phil HAD to be part bird with the way he seemed to FLY up the dang thing. But Techno was still quick.

The freely bleeding arm wound and the clinging child didn't even phase him. He was sure that he broke his own record with how fast he pulled himself up it.

Carefully, he pulled Ranboo and himself up onto the giant metal ceiling frame. Techno just barely ducks behind a piece of the frame, tucking Ranboo to his chest, as the gunmen sprint inside.

Techno covers his mouth to hide his gasping breathe as the gunmen scour the room, speaking into radios at their hips. Frustration bleeding into their expressions.

Then, a man dressed in Green walks in the room.

He doesn't have a gun, but he still feels dangerous even with the relaxed posture. Techno pulls Ranboo a little closer as the man speaks to the gunmen, hands in his pockets as his eyes glance around.

And then glances up.

And smiles.

No matter how nicely his asks for them to come down, Technoblade can still see the guns aimed upwards.

Man in Green wants him to come down and give him the kid? What kid? There is no kid here. He must be seeing things. And coming down isn't an option. He is in the middle of his Climbing Exam and they aren't supposed to cover "climbing down" until after the midterm-

Warning shots. Techno pretends that his heart isn't trying to beat of his chest. Tries to pretend that Ranboo isn't shaking curled up against him. Tries to act cool and unbothered as the man in green gives him One More Chance to come down before they open fire-

The gym doors slam open. The gunmen turn, weapons swinging behind them.

Gunfire echoes in the room, loud and booming and painful and Techno buries his face into Ranboo's hair, squeezing his eyes closed tight until the sound starts to fade.

He doesn't look up. But then, he hears a familiar voice.

Ranboo shoots up at the sound of his Mom's voice leaning over the beam to see his Mom standing dressed in body armor, men in black and purple suits fanning out among the lifeless forms of the gunmen before.

Technoblade almost doesn't let Ranboo go as the kid scoots to try and climb down the rope, eyes teary as the gangly kid awkwardly slides down.

Hesitantly, Technoblade follows.

As soon as Technoblade's feet touch the mat, he passes the fuck out. Stress and Bloodloss will do that to you.

Techno wakes up in a private hospital room, Ranboo fiddling with his fingers sitting next to him. When Techno wakes up, Ranboo looks relieved but nervous. Technoblade asks for an explanation and hesitantly, Ranboo talks.

His Mom's ran Ender, a criminal empire. One of their competitors had tried to kidnap Ranboo during the event at the high school because it was more unfamiliar to his security team. As soon a his Moms found out, they immediately rallied to get the school as soon as they could.

Techno asks if he had just joined the Mob by mistake, because he REALLY wasn't about. Ranboo hurries to say no, you aren't in the mafia. Not unless you want to be. But Ranboo's Moms WOULD like to pay Techno extra the next time Techno tutors.

Techno also asks if Ranboo is going to be the next head of The Ender and Ranboo laughs about that because DEFINITELY not. His older sister who goes to OSMP University is going to be the next leader. Definitely not him.

All that settled, Technoblade is definitely not going to complain about how hectic Tommy tutoring is EVER again.

Techno saying no to the mob thing initially but being sliiiightly coerced into being paid extra to be Ranboo's unofficial bodyguard, perhaps? As a treat?

[rafeandonlyrafe]

reluctant friends to lovers

words: 1.8k

week one of class 

“are you freaking serious.” you whisper to yourself, seeing his name on the sheet next to yours. you were hoping for basically anyone else, the ditzy blond who you know you’ll have to carry throughout the whole course, or the quiet kid who you’d never have a not-awkward conversation with. but, that’s not who you get as your lab partner. you get rafe cameron.

he slides up next to you, big smile on his face. “hi beautiful.” he says, and you resist the urge to roll your eyes. rafe is nice to you, too nice. you’ve been in a couple classes with him before, and it’s always the same. he flirts heavily with you, invites you on dates, to parties, dismayed when you say no like always. you were flattered at first, thinking he was actually into you, but you should have known it was too good to be true. you see him every week with a new girl, and he probably just wants to add you to his list of conquests.

“hey rafe.” you let out a sigh with your words, but he doesn’t have time to respond as your professor begins to speak. you flip your notebook to a fresh page, starting to jot down notes. geology is not your favorite subject, but it’s a required class for your degree. you’re not even sure what degree rafe is going for, or why he is even here. you know from the gossip around the school that he comes from money.

whats your degree? you write on the back of your syllabus. 

business rafe writes back. that makes sense. you’re not sure what business his family is in, but you’re guessing they forced him into getting a degree. it’s not that he’s not smart, he seems to pass all his classes, but he clearly much rather spend all his time partying. what’s yours?

political science with a minor in communications. 

rafe ooo’s quietly, showing his impressment with your choice of degree. you smirk and roll your eyes. 

you don't even get to any lab work today, it's just the professor going over what the semester looks like and giving you some reading to prepare for your lab next week. 

"see you next week." you say, not wanting to give rafe time to chat you up again as you hurry out of the class. when you look back you think rafe looks almost disappointed.

week two of class

"did you do your prep work?" you ask rafe. you're honestly not sure why you're so confident he didn't. maybe it's because his priorities always seem elsewhere.

"of course." rafe pulls his lab book out, and the first page is done. you nod in approval.

"should be easy anyways." rafe says. "i mean today is literally just testing the hardness of different rocks. how bad can that be?"

you shrug. you have no interest in science, and while you enjoy nature, knowing what kind of rocks you are stepping on is not something you're truly interested in. 

your attention turns to your professor while he does a quick introduction, but after that, its all you and rafe.

you work down the list of rocks, seeing what it scratches or what scratches it.

"okay." you set the rock down, frustrated with it. "i can't freaking tell if this is leaving a scratch or if it's just residue." you let out a huff. this is not going to be your favorite class, but you already knew that when you saw who would be working with you all semester.

"relax." rafe let's out a chuckle, picking the rock up. "ill help." rafe does the same thing you just did, getting his face awfully close to the rock, and all you do is sit there and admire his side profile. he's handsome, but after seeing his tongue down five different girls throats last semester, you know to stay away.

"i think it is scratching, yeah." rafe nods, and you mark it down on your sheet.

"thanks." maybe this partnership wouldn't be so bad after all.

"you can thank me by going on a date with me friday night." nevermind. 

week three of class

“did i miss in the reading what geomechanical tests are?” you ask, flipping through your textbook.

“here, hold on.” rafe reaches over to flip to a specific page, pointing out the section that explains it all.

“thanks.” you nod, quickly reading the section as rafe prepares the materials for the lab today.

you’re about to get started when a pretty brunette comes up to your table, leaning across you to talk to rafe, “hey handsome.”

you cringe, looking to rafe, who doesn’t seem all that interested. must be last weeks conquest. old news.

“hey kelsey.” he says, not even bothering to look up from his paper.

“are you coming to my party this weekend?” she asks. 

“need to study.” rafe says. you hold back a laugh. it’s the third week of class, there’s nothing to study for, and kelsey must know that as she stalks away.

“why do you do that?” you ask before you can help yourself.

“do what?” rafe looks up at you, but you just shake your head.

“nevermind.” you don’t want to explain that you’re more interested in studying whats going on in rafes head rather than the rocks in front of you.

week five of class

“i can’t believe we already have a pop quiz.” you thought you liked this professor originally, but maybe not anymore. 

“at least we can work together.” you guess that was the one saving grace of it.

“you’re gonna have to carry me through this.” you say honestly.

“you know, it’s actually nice to know there is one thing you’re not good at.” rafe says as the professor hands out your quiz. you let out a sigh of relief seeing its only one page.

“what do you mean? i’m averaging like a 3.0 right now.” “really?” rafe looks shocked. “i always just assumed you were top of the class because you never party or go out.” you let out a little laugh, shaking your head as you write down your name on the top of the paper. “i’m just not really a party person, that’s all.”

week six of class

“i can’t believe i’m saying yes to this.” you hand your phone to rafe, letting him put his number in it.

“oh come on, we are getting pizza and then studying together. it’s not like i’m asking for your hand in marriage.” “alright, just don’t mistake it for a date.” “wouldn’t dream of it.” rafe says, but sounds disappointed.

week seven of class

you laugh and lean into rafe, it feels natural, the way your body presses against his, if only for a moment. he googled some dumb geology jokes to make you feel better with studying for midterms. they’re awful dad jokes, but that just makes them even funnier.

“please come over again to study.” rafe says as the class is nearing the end. your professor gave you an entire class to study and use the materials in the lab, but you’ll need to go over the textbook for the written portion.

“yeah, it was actually fun last time.” you admit. not that you didn’t expect it to be, but you went on got pizza with rafe, eating it on campus, then headed to his condo just outside of campus to study. it’s a really nice one, and you figure his family must be paying for it. you wish you could live without any roommates, but you’re stuck in the cheap dorms.

“great. i’ll text you a good time.”

week ten of class

“please just talk to me.” rafe says, grabbing your hand, which you quickly snatch out of his grip.

“i am talking to you.” you say with a sigh.

“i mean about what happened i would understand if you’re upset.” 

“we should really focus on the lab, rafe. he said this would be on our final exam.” you turn back to your work, hoping rafe would do the same, but he’s persistent.

“i kissed another girl and you saw it, you’re allowed to be upset, but if you’d just let me explain-” “we are not together!” you say loudly, getting a couple people at the tables near you to turn and stare. “we are not together, rafe.” you say quieter now. “so kiss whoever you want, i don’t care.” “i know we’re not together but we had something good going and i don’t want this to end because i’m an idiot.”

“nothing has ended. we weren’t together before and we aren’t together now. we aren’t even friends, we are just lab partners. now stop before i walk out of here right now. we have work to do.”

week eleven of class

“thanks for ruining him, bitch.” 

you look up confused, sure that the girl isn’t talking to you, but you look up to kelsey staring back at you. “excuse me?” “rafe. he didn’t throw his party this weekend because he was being a crybaby over you. he was hooking up with my friend but he won’t do that now that you turned him down. god, it was so much better before you had to sink your claws into him.” and with that, she stalks away.

you wait in shock until rafe comes in, frowning and for once silent as he slides into his seat.

“rafe.” you say. “can we talk?” “oh, now you wanna talk?” rafe scoffs. 

“i- i didn’t know you were serious about us. i thought i was just another name to add to your list. i didn’t realize that you were actually hurt.” “of course i’m actually hurt. i never once tried to hook up with you, it was always more serious than that. when i hook up with a girl, they know that’s all i’m interested in. i tell them that’s all they’re going to get out from me. it’s never a secret.”

“i’m so sorry i judged you too quickly.” you say, placing your hand experimentally on top of rafes. you honestly can’t blame him if he doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore.

“it’s okay.” rafe turns his hand over to lace your fingers together. “can we give us an actual shot now?” “yes.” you squeeze his hand. “yes.”

week thirteen of class

“you nervous for the exam?” rafe asks.

“nope.” you lean into his side. “because i’ve got a great partner.” “great in more ways than one, huh?” rafe pecks your lips, but you stop him from pulling away, deepening the kiss.

“great at geology is the main thing that matters right now.” you say with a giggle.

rafe wraps his arm around your waist, thumb rubbing gently over the skin between your shirt and jeans. you smile at him, even as your professor begins to explain your lab.

[sugar-coat-it]

Could you give a summary of the interview? I don’t want to sit through an 3 hour interview 🙃

I got you, spark notes RIGHT NOW I'm just going to recap the main points as I watch

Lots of talk about the dangers of technology and the culture that it’s brought about -SATVB as an exploration of said dangers (toxic masculinity, lack of guidance for young men). It was meant to be performance art that evolved with the reactions to it (a lot of people missed the point of consumption because of disregarding context. He says that this context collapse extended to a lot of the situations that got him in trouble with cancellation) -Social media's "everyone is an activist" mentality is degrading "actual activists" -Dopamine buzz culture and the prominence of short-term pleasure -"Shortcut" to being a musician through social media -How do you regulate social media without it seeming totalitarian? - 2:07:58 "KaMaLa iS BrAt"

Some people were a bit ticked off that he was trying to explain some abstract concepts "for his fans" in particular -He would ask the host to explain things in "a way that his audience can understand" (Ex: Slow cancelation of the future and hauntology)

Discussion of art as a commodity and the suppression of creativity in a capitalistic society -We are told that the only art that is worth making is financially successful art. Young artists aren't encouraged to change the world anymore. -Companies don't want to take risks and invest in art that might not be successful (this is why we're getting so many remakes of movies or the sort of Marvel franchise phenomenon) -"The most talented, creative, young person you know will be doing the flat design for some internet company" -Consumerism overshadowing art. Art institutions in particular. -The extremely wealthy don't feel the same obligation to give back to art and culture that they used to

Matty is involved with charity organizations that fund art as an alternative institution to big corporations (cool!)

Matty is becoming really strict with not referencing music from the past, he wants to break away from genre and what's been previously done -P.S He lost his shoes at this point of the interview idk what happened there

Counterculture as a concept is dying in a way because there is a lot less separation between what is mainstream and what is considered to be fringe -The internet is a massive contributor to that, many of these subcultures have moved online

Loooots of criticism about the neoliberalist philosophy

Documentary mentioned! -"I've been making this film for ten years that I'll probably never even make" (I'm going to kill u)

ATPOAIM -An "internet web series thing of a proper thing" he's been working on -Stemmed from an eerie feeling of being constantly surveilled and subjective reality

Matty's phone was hacked for five years -Every phone conversation he had from the age of 18-24 was listened to

The new record! - "The new record is, I suppose, born from me nearly going insane and that being a kind of an internet-induced insanity, combined with the cautionary tale of my last record." -Matty mentioned not being interested in doing press for the album with any traditional media -Themes: love, sex, death, communication, religious fanaticism

I can see why some people are criticizing the interview, labeling it as a sort of "intellectual circle jerk", but there were a lot of interesting insights into how Matty operates in terms of both his art and his ideologies if you give it a chance. It's pretentious at points, I'll admit that, but he's honestly really smart and I think it would be silly to overlook that because of the way he delivers some of what he says. I do think he makes a lot of good points about art amidst major, unprecedented societal shifts, but it can get lost in the way he talks. It’s worth a watch <3

[theragethatisdesire]

hello, me again 🙋‍♀️ not an anon but here to bother you on your fight 🥰

can you tell me what you think the boys would be like if they were jealous? any and all boys i just wanna hear ur thoughts

TIFF I DRAFTED THIS WHOLE THING OUT ON THE PLANE ON MY POS PHONE AND THEN IT NEVER POSTED. i literally JUST noticed and i am so frustrated, i'm sorry i literally didn't even realize!! but i never tire of talking about our boys so pls enjoy <3333

nsfw below the cut; jean, eren, and levi included

Eren

so eren to me is sort of a cocky little shit, but he's also a brat

if you're talking to a guy in the bar a little too much, eren's 100% charging right up to interrupt the conversation, throw his arm around your shoulders, figure out exactly what's going on here

but honestly? i think eren knows how much you love him and doesn't worry about you being attracted to others, he's just demanding when it comes to your attention

what makes him really jealous is when you start reading game of thrones alongside armin, and while eren's not unfamiliar with the premise of the books, he never could have imagined how intricate they are

intricate enough for you to be glued to your novel and your phone intermittently, surfacing from the pages with a squeal "oh my god i HAVE to text armin!" "armin's going to freak out!"

before he knows it, he's coming home to find you and armin, annotated novels spread on the coffee table, debating character arcs and laughing over funny moments

it confuses him at first. you love him, and he loves that you're friends with his friends, would never try to deny you a meaningful friendship, he knows that's all it is

eren's not a reader. too time consuming, too slow. but he wants to make your eyes light up like that, wants to hear you ramble on and on about your theories

he tries to get you into his story-based video games, but all he gets is a polite level of interest

when you finally confront him about acting like a fucking weirdo every time armin gets brought up, eren confesses, and it breaks your heart

"i mean, i know i'm not as smart as you or armin, but we could find something like that to do together, right? you just seem so into it..."

when you show him the tv show, eren's immediately hooked, and you stay up together for weeks on end binging it, eren watching you explain the differences between book and show with hearts in his eyes <333

Jean

jean is an egotistical maniac, you know it, he knows it

as your boyfriend, jean's never going to be one to throw a fit over the attention you get in the bar, in fact, he encourages it

it gets him off knowing that you're the girl everyone wants, that no one can take their eyes off of, and that you're going to go home with him and beg for him to fuck you

but if you're not his girlfriend? completely different story

when his roommate, eren, brings home his new girlfriend, jean is shocked

you're so...sweet. polite, beautiful, funny. what are you doing with eren? and not him?

jean has a case of the roommates-hot-girlfriend-itis, and he's got it bad

before he knows it, he's setting his alarm early, padding out into the kitchen where he knows you'll be making your coffee before work while eren snores in the other room

he's not shy about it either, openly flirting with you, teasing you about your messy hair, your tiny sleep shorts

he loves the way you blush when he says "you cold or something?", glancing meaningfully at your peaked nipples showing through your tank top

but you never falter, your eyes are only for eren. it drives jean insane.

he's going to the gym every day now, trying to work off this excess anger trying to get bigger and stronger so you can't help but notice him

he'd never admit it, but he listens in on you and eren late at night, imagining your breathy moans are for him

when he finds a pair of your panties in the dryer, he pockets them, treasures them

and when he finds you at a coffee shop in tears, a breakup text from eren on your phone? he has to hide his grin

jean may be a bad friend, but he'll make a great rebound

Levi

you're levi's, but he knows you're not supposed to be

he's still your captain, your immediate superior, and while that's exceedingly hot in the sheets, it's stifling outside the walls of your bedroom

he can't help but glance at you longingly across the cafeteria, watch your nose scrunch in that cute way it does when you laugh and when you cum

and when you brush a hand absentmindedly against miche's? bat your eyes up at hange, make them blush? levi knows you're doing it on purpose

he knows you well enough to know you can't help but antagonize him

he knows you belong to him, and you know you belong to him, but they can't know, and that's the problem. levi can't claim you in public, so he has to overcompensate when you finally sneak into his quarters at the end of the day, twiddling your fingers in anticipation

"can't believe you," he huffs, bending you over his desk, "thought i trained you better than that"

he did, you both know it, but you're a greedy, insatiable little thing, and you're good at riling levi up to get what you want

"don't know what you're-- ah! what you're talking about" you lie, gasping when he lands a sharp smack to your clit

"of course you do, you fucking brat," levi's not feeling as playful as you were earlier today, the hot lick of envy at the top of his throat "making those fuck me eyes at erwin earlier? you wanted me to see you, didn't you? whoring yourself out like you're not going to be begging me to let you cum later?"

your response is muffled by your panties in your mouth

"no excuses. beg all you want, but the only way this cunt-- my cunt-- is cumming tonight is if you admit it. admit you're mine, admit you can't get off with anyone else. you're mine."

and oh, do you cave. you're babbling apologies into the fabric in no time, tears streaming down your face

and once you're both shaking and spent, levi pulls you into his arms, cuddles you against his chest

he can't claim you in public, not as things stand with you on his squad, but for now, having you curled against him will have to be enough

THIS WAS SUCH A BLAST thanks for submitting tiff all my love <3

[xinnamonbun]

Xinnimon's Theory Times

Our finalists: Knife and Suitcase; we love them dearly. Both of them definitely deserve the win, between how they interact, and how they've developed, it's a great final 2.

However...

What would they do with the money if they actually won? I've talked about this briefly previously but for this post I want to focus on Suitcase. Besides the fact that I'm rooting for her personally, she also has something interesting that she could do with the money that simply would have less impact with Knife.

Travel.

Seems odd at first but I have multiple reasons to think that Adamation is going to pull a "Steven Universe Future" on us.

(this is pretty long so I'm putting a cut and TLDR at the bottom)

1: She's a Suitcase

My first point is that she's literally a suitcase. Why would this matter? Because of what object shows are known for. Symbolism! Fan being a fan of the show. Test Tube being smart. Knife being aggressive. Cabby being organized. I could find a reason why every single other contestant symbolizes something but we'd be here forever.

Suitcase arguably already has symbolism like: baggage, keeping things to herself (until recently), ect. But that doesn't mean that she can't have more. It would make TOTAL sense for a suitcase to go see the world and travel considering the fact she's made for it, literally.

2: The Big Reveal

I think her traveling could help a LOT with this realization. Why? Because she can see what is real! I've seen some people thinking that Mephone4 made the entire world mainly because of Cobs saying "he basically made a world" but I think that was just his wording trying to trick us. He said "basically" for a reason. I think that there is a reality that the contestants have interacted with.

The first objects that come to mind; the unvitationals! (minus Walkie Talkie and Springy) MePhone4 seemed surprised by Groscar saying she liked the show and she seems to have an audience outside of II. The camera people just aren't there that much (probably cuz they have their own lives) and anytime they are on screen they're just a mild annoyance for Mephone4. Dr. Fizz doesn't have many reasons to be real besides saying that Box needs to go to a hospital but there's nothing pointing to him being fake either. And of course there's the entirety of Meeple! If Meeple isn't real that wouldn't make a lot of sense considering the fact that that would mean that Mephone4 would have had to generate his own trauma. That doesn't add up. So that means that most likely Steve Cobs and all the Meeple products are real in the sense that they were either biologically or artificially built with no generation involved.

We've seen season 3 contestants interacting with unvitationals, and season 2 contestants interacting with Meeple. Which means that there is a probably a real world for them, and they can access, interact, and be a part of it.

3: The Talk

(If you don't feel like watching the whole clip rn, here's what I want you to take away from it for this post)

She quite literally mentions the idea of leaving to move on. Do I think she'd leave forever? No. Do I think that her staying with the contestants to try and fix her issues with them would be the healthiest option? Honestly also no.

I think she had a point in which she needs to be by herself for a while to figure out her issues, how to tackle them, and how to move on from the show in a healthy way; without dragging her friends down with her. (which she doesn't seem interested in anyways)

I don't know about you but after having my entire reality shattered, I would want to see what is real out there, enjoy what is there. In fact I think it'd make me feel more alive, more real if I was in a real environment!

Granted this wouldn't solve all of her issues. Like Knife had a point when he says later in the conversation, "careful there, you're starting to sound like MePhone" if this is the only thing she does she just running away from her problems and trying to forget everything. But instead of doing that she could genuinely take some time to figure out who she is and even if she was made a bit unconventionally she is still real.

She's important.

TLDR:

She's a suitcase, it would make the most sense out of all the contestants for her to travel.

After the big reveal in the newest episode, seeing the world outside of the show (which I'm sure exists) would be good.

It would probably be healthy for her to be by herself for a while and figure out who she is outside of the show.

...

I think it's also worth mentioning that there's a good chance they might not even get the money, it could be a tie/draw, everyone could freaking DIE, we simply don't know. But this is assuming two things that are really unpredictable (suitcase winning and using the prize money, if it even exists, to travel which would be slightly odd considering the past prizes have been for everyone)

If you have any bonus thoughts, please, don't be afraid to reblog! Or if you don't want this on your blog you could always just shoot down a reply. This is a theory post! I want to hear what people think and contradictions! No idea is a dumb one! (...or don't, honestly the fact that you bothered to read all this is enough :)

[mar3ggiata]

professional help, c33. Liquid dinner.

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT AT THE END, LOVE YOU!!

simon riley x original character.

trigger warnings: violence, sexual assault, mentions of rape, trauma, sexual themes, swearing, use of alcohol and drugs, EDs and death.

song to listen to when reading this: Like it tends to do, Lizzy McAlpine

abstract: This is a very sad chapter honestly. Close to the end also, don't get your hopes up cause I'm telling you, it's not ending well. I should know, I'm from the literal future. So yeah, messed up things. Jude's a liar man, I've always told ya. She might seem all confident, smart, sexy, funny… whatever...

'I fucking hate you so much'.

She spun in her chair, covering her face with her hands, while Honey giggled from his seat. It was three in the afternoon, the day after her chat with Simon. She was at the listening post, they had lunch together, her, Roman and Honey after working at the code all morning. She had to reveal she had a look at it the night before, they argued for the first ten minutes asking why she got to see it before the others. 'It's because I'm privileged, let it go.' She admitted, a small smirk on her lips. 'No seriously, why didn't we know you had it, how did you get it?' Honey asked. She bit her lip, thinking of what to say to make the matter sound somewhat legal. 'You know the guy with the mask?' She said.

'Yes, unfortunately I have seen him.' Honey.

'Scary dude, what about him?' Roman.

She crossed her arms in front of her. She was wearing a comfy sweater under her very elegant blazer jacket. 'He gave it to me yesterday.' She explained. 'We worked together before, we're friends.' She said. All true, no? They're friends.

Honey mumbled something under his breath. 'That's not fair!' argued Roman, he went on some more saying how unfair it was she could see evidence before them just because she was friends with that scary soldier. They resumed their tasks, trying their best at cracking the code. It took longer than anticipated. They removed all the letters from the paper and examined the back, what would have been at the back of the newspaper page. They moved them around in the large table that once was Roman's desk, trying to make out a message. After lunch, she felt tired, she wanted and deserved a nap. Her contact lenses burned her eyes, plastic wrappers and boxes of Chinese takeout were scattered all over the place. Roman was yawning from his side of the room. That was when Honey figured it out. 'I fucking hate you so much'.

She spun in her chair, covering her face with her hands, while Honey giggled from his seat. She approached his desk. 'I found it I think', he said. 'I divided the letters in diagonal like this…' He drew a line with his finger and parted two sections of the original code. 'And I switched them…' She helped him move the letters, until she started to see it too. Words were starting to form. They found a pattern in the setting of the letters, which resembled the choice of cutting capital letters and lowercase letters. They found some of the words were already in English, some needed translation. They were written in English letters, but were Serbian words. 'Novo…' she mumbled while setting the four letters aside. It meant 'New'. It was Roman who was sent to call Price this time. He ran through the corridors of the base, saying sorry to every person he bumped into while trying to get to Price's office.

Unfortunately for him, he found Ghost first. 'Oi!' He called out, making Roman stop in his tracks and turn around. 'You in a rush?' He asked, taking a few steps in his direction. The young linguist looked up at Ghost, his eyes piercing through his soul through the skull plate mask. He mumbled something about the listening post, which clearly interested Ghost in the conversation. Listening post meant Alba. 'We need Price, we figured it out. The code, you know...' He was able to breathe out while regaining his composure. 'She with you?' The other man asked, before starting to walk towards Price's office. 'What…' Roman struggled to follow Ghost's fast walking pace, 'Oh Jude? Yeah, why?' He was given no answer. They both urged Price to follow them and, once in the listening post room, they found Honey and Alba at the desk, hunched over looking at the characters scattered around.

'It makes total fucking sense!' Alba shouted at the door, before awkwardly covering her mouth with her hands, realising Price and Simon were there. Roman let out a loud laugh, joining his two colleagues, even Honey seemed happy and joyful more than Simon ever saw him. He watched Alba smile at her friends, moving one more letter on the table, writing the message on paper. 'S… T, E and R…' Honey whispered. Once they were done, Price and Ghost were allowed to look at it and read it. Alba's eyes encountered Ghost's. Just for a second. She was happy, she was proud. She was gorgeous, he liked how the blazer jacket fell gently on her hips, he liked the strands of hair that were covering the sides of her cheeks, rosy cheeks. He liked the fuzzy sweater she was wearing, a warm beige sweater. He could touch it, feeling the softness.

The message made, indeed, total fucking sense. It said Novo Groblje, which meant new cemetery, it said 'twenty one, one, two two three', which they supposed meant 21st of January of that year. Novo Groblje was a cemetery complex in Belgrade. She stood by the table while Price and Simon examined their work. She patiently waited for them to read the message and ensure they were satisfied with what they saw. It was Simon's look that gave it away. His eyes, his gaze immediately rose to meet hers, he looked at her with dilated pupils, his kind, chocolate brown eyes. He was amused. Price told them they did a good job and to keep up with the listening post for a few more days, just in case they needed any more information about the trafficking, but other than that, they were done.

She went out that night. She put on a dress for the first time in ages. There weren't many bars open too late, Honey suggested drinks to celebrate, Roman said yes, Gaz overheard and took it as the best opportunity to ask her to go out with them. She said yes, she went home and went on a run with Jinx. She was so happy she could't even manage to sit still. She was ecstatic, she had a drink before going out, she had gin hidden somewhere in her kitchen. She wore a dress, just below the knee, it was cold out. It was tight around the waist but fell gently on her hips. Black lace adorned her ribcage, a pattern that looked like flowers on the skin of her breasts. She curled her hair, she put on earrings that looked like pearly rain drops. She wore heels, and got a cab, she didn't want to drive. She intentionally arrived twenty minutes late, she found Roman and Honey at a table in the corner, they were drinking beer. Kyle and Soap were at the counter speaking to a man she didn't know. Kyle whistled when he saw her walking in. 'Look who finally decided to stop working…' He gave her a quick side hug, which she reciprocated, then said hi to Soap. 'What are you drinking?' She let Kyle buy her a beer, she didn't bother choosing, whatever he was having was fine. She noticed his eyes travelling on her figure as she leaned on the counter, she allowed it. They sat for an hour at the table with her two other colleagues, she dragged the soldiers towards Honey and Roman so they could be all together. The conversation was simple and easy, anecdotes and funny stories. She was hiding a yawn with her hand and debating on going home when Johnny gasped. 'Look who showed up…' He whispered, causing her to turn around in the booth, looking towards the entrance of the bar. At eleven in the evening on a Saturday, Simon Riley made his way inside the bar, a crowded bar even. Black mask, leather jacket and, something she had never seen before on him, sneakers. He looked in their direction, a nod of the head to signal that he saw them. He approached the counter to order a drink. Alba got up a minute after, trying not to make it seem too obvious. She said she was gonna get another beer, she asked the boys to watch her purse.

Her heart started beating at a much quicker pace upon seeing him. Did the others invite him, was he there by himself? Maybe he didn't want to be bothered. Was he there to see his friends? She approached him, walked behind him and stood at his right. He turned towards her, his eyes not even reaching her face, slowly making their way up from her naked calves to her chest. 'I wasn't expecting you to come', she crossed her arms in front of her chest, forcing him to look her in the eyes. 'I can leave if you don't want me here.' He replied, to that she smiled. 'Can I buy you a drink?' She offered, making his heart skip a beat. 'To thank you for stealing classified evidence for me.' She said. He allowed himself to stare at her for a few more seconds before replying. Her hair was wavy, falling gently on her shoulders, her makeup shiny on her eyelids. She had some kind of eyeliner on that made the emerald green colour of her pupils stand out. Her cheeks were warm from the alcohol. 'How many have you had?' He asked. He realised he was flirting without even trying, he felt like he was giving in this kind of sin. She was the sin. He felt like the setting, the bar, the fact they were surrounded by strangers, dressed differently from their day to day… It made him feel like he could speak to her that way. 'Just one!' She sat on the stool behind her, reaching his eye level. 'Do I look drunk?' He smiled and shook his head. While he ordered their drinks, she gave their friend's table a look, finding Soap and Kyle staring. 'You guys celebrating?' She concentrated back on Simon. 'I told you Honey would figure it out.' She replied. He didn't have a balaclava on, he had a black surgical mask and the hat she gifted him for Christmas. He partly took off the mask, letting it hang on his right ear, so that his uncovered side faced the wall. She watched him take a sip of his drink.

'They know you're Alba' He said. She nearly choked on her beer.

'I told them you're Alba… by accident.' He corrected himself, like he needed to get that off his chest. She went pale under the lights of the bar.

'What…'

'I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking and I let it slip. Johnny and Gaz...' He looked at her, suddenly apologetic, like a lost puppy. She swallowed a lump in her throat, her blood rushing to her ears. What a way to ruin the night. 'It's fine.' She managed to mumble.

She was still recovering from that information when he spoke again. 'How are… hum.. how are rehearsals going?' He tried to change the subject to make her forget about his terrible revelation. She looked at him appalled, her eyes wide. 'Uhm… good.' She replied awkwardly. He was terrified his attempt to change the subject didn't work. His expression made her giggle, that awful silence between them made her facade crumble. 'Sorry, I'm gonna have to stop speaking to you, you're terrible at keeping secrets', she commented. He seemed to relax, his shoulders less tense. He was really afraid he'd upset her for a moment.

'That's not true…'

'Ah, you told everyone my one secret...' She was smiling at this point, dimples forming in her cheeks. Her left canine teeth was chipped. He drank some more. 'So… rehearsals?' He asked again. Her chest tightened, he really wanted to know? 'It's been hard, there's this one lift which is pretty intense with my dance partner', she fidgeted with a napkin on the wooden counter… 'But the hard part is Snow Queen really, there are 16 fuettés at the end of my first entrance which I can't seem to get right, cause I jump a lot during that part and I get tired, I don't think my left foot is strong enough for those many turns, you know, 16 fuettés is kind of a lot…' she rambled, maybe talking more to herself than to him at this point. But he was there, and you best believe he was listening. 'And then I can kinda relax in the second entrance, but still I got very embarrassed the other day cause I could only get five or six before getting dizzy…' she seemed to suddenly realise he was there. She covered her mouth with her hand, almost self conscious she might have said too much.

'What is a fuetté….' asked Simon.

She smiled, she giggled. 'Sorry… it's a turn on pointe, you turn and then you open your leg to spin again, and again…'

'16 times?'

'16 times, yes.'

'Sounds like a lot. Can't you do less?'

Her smile grew bigger, she felt giddy talking about her dance routine with him. 'That's the choreography…' He nodded. 'Are you getting deployed to Serbia?' She asked, her tone soft, he almost didn't ear her over the music and the noise of chatter in the bar. He shook his head. He explained they had soldiers there already and him and his task force were getting ready for another mission, they were going to get briefed the day after. 'Maybe they'll call you for this one as well… help us out.'

'You finally admit I was helpful then', her pure, proud, cheeky expression made him smile a bit.

'I never said you didn't help us numerous times.'

'What's the mission?' She asked. He said he didn't know yet. They heard a whistle coming from the table where their colleagues were sitting. It was Kyle urging them to go sit with them.

'I made it pretty obvious I left them there to come talk to you…'

He felt like the people around them disappeared, the noise, the smell of booze. She sat beside him or rather in front of him, her heels propped up on the stool, her lacy dress flowing, she looked like a lily, the flower. It could not be real, he couldn't even remember the last time he felt like that, drawn to someone, wanting to get close, touch her arm, feel her skin against his own. And be touched, and be hugged by her, he wanted her attention, he wanted her to look at him, acknowledge him at all times, he was special to her and he deserved her special treatment. He got chosen, over all the others, she just said it, there it was on paper. He didn't imagine it. 'You wanted to talk to me?' He asked, a breath. She leaned into the counter, she heard him cause she was closer. She nodded. 'Why?' He asked.

She smiled. Without putting on a show, she let her hand travel on the counter, until the tip or her pointy acrylic nail poked his finger, wrapped around the beer glass. 'Is it so strange that I want to?' It's not? Did she see past it? The mask, his appearance, the scars, the trauma, his attitude? Or was he never really Ghost when he was around her? Of course he was, she was just so strong and clever to just… see Simon as well. 'I'm not really…', he tried. He didn't push away her hand, his fingers slowly intertwining with hers. Her hands were cold.

'I don't really do this? I don't know when was the last time I actually… you know…', he didn't need to finish, she nodded. She didn't look pitiful. 'Do you want me to tell you why?' She murmured. He didn't really think she had a reason. When he nodded, she started to speak. She looked down at their hands, her fingers brushing his, not really holding his hand, rather exploring the patterns in his skin, tracing them with her nails. 'I think you're kind. You've always been nice to me, considerate. I can tell you care. You know, after last year and Arash and all…' she stopped to take a deep breath, '...it felt nice to have you.' He felt faint. She wasn't done. 'At Christmas and New Years…I think we're different and there are many things you experienced I can't comprehend and stuff about me that you wouldn't get, but… I don't know, I like spending time with you. And speaking to you.' She looked at him with the end of the sentence. His mouth was dry, he felt a strange ringing in his ear. He debated getting out of there, it all sounded absurd, it sure didn't apply to him. She spoke again. 'Was it too much?' She asked.

He was quick to shake his head, but words were just not coming out of his mouth. She let go of his hand, taking a sip and finishing her half pint. He imitated her. 'I guess…', he began, terrified waiting too long to reply would make her think he didn't somehow feel the same. 'I don't know, would you want to… I…' he stuttered and stopped, like he was checking his surroundings, like he was bracing for impact, '…would you like to go out maybe, to eat…' She had this adorable upside down smile on her face, her eyes glistening. 'Yes, sure.' She said.

He stared at her for a few more seconds, to ensure she wasn't gonna spontaneously combust after saying yes to that date. A date. She looked even more heavenly now, like he saw her under a different light. A date. He heard Gaz's voice behind him, probably coming towards the bar to ruin the moment. There were two women dancing to the music and laughing loudly. He heard the noise fo glass shattering on the floor, as someone dropped his drink. He watched her fix a strand of hair behind her ear, he thought he didn't really care at this point. She was his date.

'Want another beer?'

notes: so so late at night for my standards, apologies if you see any mistakes!! happy chapter, I feel full of love after writing this, too bad I'm gonna start writing the last chapter soon... as I promised hell, hell I will deliver. I feel like now is a good time to announce the follow up series to professional help, THE NIGHT OF THE TARANTULA, which will be posted in the next few months, featuring alba, simon and many others!! can you guess what I will be about?

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