#and he also just sent me a message saying i was 'legit the sun for his days in there'

[songparade]

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[butterflydm]

wot reread: lord of chaos (chap 16-chap 31)

spoilers for lord of chaos

1. Rand considers telling the Maidens about Alanna forcibly-bonding him but decides against it because they would probably take things Too Far. He’s lounging on the Dragon Throne and notes that it’s actually quite uncomfortable. Rand’s titles: “My Lord Dragon. Lord of the Morning, Prince of the Dawn, True Defender of the Light, before whom the world kneels in awe.” I note a theme. Anyway, Rand is finally meeting with the four previously Morgase-loyal ladies and lords of Andor.

2. Aw, Rand remembers some of Moiraine’s advice. This bit is about making an impressive first impression. “You can step down from a throne, and even if you behave like a farmer in the pigsty, some part in each of them will remember that you did descend from a throne. But if they see only a young man first, a country man, they will resent him stepping up to his throne later, whatever his right, whatever his power”.

3. More advice from Moiraine: “Never be hostile unless you must, but above all never be overly friendly. Never be eager.” Rand also makes certain to subtly remind them of his power (and Power) and influence. The other three say that House Trakand has had its time and gone, with Morgase’s betrayal of them, and support Dyelin, but Dyelin says that she supports Elayne. The care in which Rand is attempting to balance duty and his affection for Elayne here is so sweet.

4. lol, and Rand finally tries to work out everything regarding his family, figures out the Tigraine and Damodred connection. We find out here that Galad is his brother, but the information that he has a living brother out there had zero impact on Rand and doesn’t feel any desire to seek him out, which makes me sad. He also thinks about how he’s only willing to trust three women ‘touched by the Tower’ -- Elayne, Nynaeve, and Egwene. “he hoped he could trust them. if only just a little”.

5. Sammael has sent an emissary, who brings a message in a voice not his own: “we will stand on different sides, you and I, come the day of the Great Lord’s Return, but why should we kill each other now and leave Demandred and Graendal to contest for the world over our bones?” Rand recognizes the voice as Sammael’s. He proposes a truce between him and Rand until the Day of The Return. Rand trusts this not at all. Rand turning down the offer causes the man to painfully die. “no truce with the Forsaken. No truce with the Shadow.”

6. “Wanting Aviendha and Elayne, when he knew he could have neither. You’re worse than Mat ever thought of being. Even Mat had the sense to stay away from a woman if he thought he would harm her.” Notable for being a thought about Aviendha and Elayne without Min awkwardly being jammed in at the end!

7. Rand goes to Cairhien, with the intent to talk to Egwene, and hoping that he can trust her. LOVE that Rand has Traveling rooms, places specifically set aside for him to safely go without worrying he might accidentally hurt someone. LTT is talking to Rand A LOT these days, but Rand actually does control his temper most of the time still.

8. He goes to catch up with Berelain and Rhuarc, who were left in charge of Cairhien to watch over it (mostly because he trusts them not to try to seize the Sun Throne, I assume). Rand is also way more attracted to Berelain now than he was the last time he saw her in TSR, for whatever reason. I think it’s mostly due to Jordan making everyone more horny in the later books, but there it is. We are reminded that All Women Hate Berelain, because apparently, we must. Berelain is actually a Legit Good Ruler and I want more of this Berelain, please. She’s clever and wise and honestly kinda adorable.

9. Anyway, Rand asks after Egwene’s health and is told that she is doing better. Also, Rand, a man who literally just thought about how he wanted both Elayne and Aviendha: “gosh it’s so odd that the Aiel can marry multiple women; who would ever do that?” I will flick you in the nose, young man.

10. In sadder news, Rand passes a death sentence on a man he genuinely liked, because Mangin killed a Cairhienin for the crime of getting a Dragon tattoo, and Rand said that murderers would be hanged. He firmly tells Berelain and Rhuarc that they need to follow the law themselves and not wait for him to pass sentence for crimes where the punishment has already been written out. But Rand is determined not to play favorites with the laws that he’s made.

11. Rand goes to visit the school that he has set up in Cairhien! Excited! Also, side note, Rand is now guarded by equal shares of Maidens and one of the other societies (which society shares the guarding changes). The school occupied a former palace of Barthanes a mile away from the Sun Palace. It’s less of a school and more of a research center for technological innovation and I’m so thrilled that Rand created it. <3 <3 <3 This is why Rand is Best Boy. <3 Yes, I know five minutes ago he was not Best Boy. He contains multitudes. Literally, sometimes. He’s started one in Tear already as well, and is scouting out locations in Caemlyn. Because if he breaks the world again, he doesn’t want the Fourth Age to lose all the knowledge of the Third Age, like happened when LTT broke the world.

12. Anyway, now he basically gets to enjoy a science fair that has been arranged for him personally and I am THRILLED about every moment of it. Does not last long enough, would have been willing to read several chapters of it. They’re creating better paper, a better printing press, a six-furrows plow, a horse-driven scythe, a new kind of loom, designs for new roads and viaducts to carry water for Cairhien, a rudimentary idea for a telescope, someone wants to figure out how to build airplanes and has worked out how birds glide, and something that is probably supposed to eventually be a steam engine. Rand doesn’t understand most of it but wants to encourage it all.

13. He goes to visit a man from Andor named Herid Fel, who spends most of his time in the Royal Library. Honestly, Rand’s ‘Dragon Scepter’ cracks me up every time that it gets mentioned. Cannot take it seriously. It’s literally just a random spear from Seanchan. Anyway, back to Herid. He likes Herid because Herid seems to forget he’s the Dragon Reborn. He asks Herid if he knows of any way to break the Bond between Warder and Aes Sedai, but he does not. Rand asks about his previous question, about the Last Battle. Herid makes the point that because time is a wheel, then the Dark One’s prison must be whole when it comes time for it to be broken into again, not just patched. Rand asks about the idea of breaking the seals that LTT keeps bringing up, and Herid says he thinks it’s a bad idea.

14. Over to Egwene’s PoV. She notes that there appear to be a LOT of Maidens around the Sun Palace and they are acting sneaky. Egwene also feels hurt that when she saw Aviendha come back to Cairhien, she just gave Egwene a cool nod and then immediately went into a private conference with Amys, Bair, and Melaine. “She truly did not like lying to any of the Wise Ones” *looks back on Egwene’s ENTIRE HISTORY with the Wise Ones* Um, okay, Egwene.

15. Egwene doesn’t understand and finds it annoying that the Wise Ones actually like Berelain. Proper, wetlander women all hate Berelain, after all. Anyway, good for the Wise Ones. “they treated her as a woman of sense and respect” because she deserves it. They care more about her actions as a ruler than they do about the clothes that she wears, Egwene. Aw, Amys and Sorilea “smile on [Berelain] like a favorite daughter”. This is the Berelain dynamic that I enjoy: Berelain and the Aiel. note: “Aiel men and women shared the same sweat tents” - I think we only get to see Wise Ones sweat tent scenes, but they are canonically not restricted in general.

16. Egwene gets to wait for Rand in his room. I hope he actually gets a head’s up from someone before he walks in on her. The gai’shain dealing with Rand’s bedchamber in Cairhien is Niella, Aviendha’s first-sister. Hmm, she was also dealing with his bedchamber the last time it was mentioned. I wonder if that was a purposeful assignment all along. She is about six or seven years older than Aviendha and is halfway through her time as gai’shain. Egwene still has zero clue that there is any romance between Rand and Aviendha, let alone that they had sex.

17. Egwene tries to use her connection with Elayne as a way to bribe Rand into helping her with the Wise Ones. She asks that he convince Amys to let her return to lessons. He asks her if she will tell him where Elayne is. She tells him that it’s not her secret to tell. He asks her again, lets her know that he needs Elayne to take the Lion Throne and Sun Throne both. Egwene embraces saidar in order to resist the urge to tell him (and, of course, he can sense that she embraced saidar and assumes this means that she’s afraid that he’ll hurt her).

18. “Rand, I am sorry I can’t help you, but I cannot. Even so, I ask you again to help me, You know it would be helping yourself.” Rand responds with a quip about ‘a cat for a hat, or a hat for a cat’ and Egwene knows the rest of the phrase is ‘but nothing for nothing’. Basically, if she isn’t willing to give him anything that he wants, he isn’t willing to give her what she wants. She does think that she wants to tell Elayne about how Rand had sounded when he said that he needed her. “No man could say he needed you that way unless he loved you.”

19. This is so sad but honestly a very believable misunderstanding, again because it is about two people’s PoVs clashing and doesn’t get boiled down to Women And Men Just Can’t Understand Each Other. It’s very specifically about RAND and EGWENE not understanding each other. She thinks that keeping secrets from him is the best way to help him and he views keeping secrets from him as proof that she is fully Aes Sedai and not at all on his side. “Whatever clothes she wore, she wanted to be Aes Sedai, and she would keep Aes Sedai secrets even after he made it clear that he needed Elayne to insure peace in two nations. He had to think of her as Aes Sedai. It was saddening.”

20. Ah, the Maidens are trying to Be Subtle about keeping a constant guard on Rand. I love them so much in these moments.

21. Rand is dreaming LTT’s dreams -- the fall of the Age of Legends and the moment when Ilyena realized that he was going to kill her. Not a pleasant night of sleep! It’s the first time that he can remember dreaming LTT’s dreams instead of his own, which definitely disturbs him! It scares him so much that he doesn’t dare go back to sleep, clutching saidin close to him all night. He notes that Aviendha didn’t spent tonight sleeping in his room like she normally insists on doing. (hmm, she didn’t really acknowledge Egwene either last chapter; what’s going on with Aviendha?) He also doesn’t eat. So, you know, no food and almost no sleep is absolutely going to have a negative affect on your mental state even before any trauma or external ‘taint’ from the literal Dark One is brought into the picture.

22. Again, Rand randomly thinks about how hot Berelain is. ??? He was not like this about her in TSR. Also, we have absolutely now reached the point in the books in which I am not going to be able to remember any of these random nobles that Rand is dealing with. Too names and brief descriptions for me to try to hold in my head, sorry! Rand is surprised that “even the men” are looking at Berelain with “more than lechery”. Seriously, where is this coming from? Also, she runs the country for you, Rand. Of course the lords and ladies are taking her seriously?? They literally have to, since lords and ladies can now be charged for the same crimes that previously only ‘peasants’ could be held accountable for.

23. Rand really is getting very paranoid -- he assumes that Melanie (who is still relatively newly wed to Bael) is eager to see Bael in order to counterbalance Rand’s influence on Bael rather than because she, you know, wants to see her husband. In... more paranoia news? Even though Rand is definitely getting more and more suspicious, he’s also doing things like lowering the number of guards he has and allowing people he doesn’t trust to do things in his name (Taim). Which seems... ah, concerning? Rand, you aren’t you when you’re hungry. Please eat something at some point in this PoV. I’m worried about you. He also still desperately wishes he could get Alanna (and now that he’s closer, he knows that she’s been weeping while he was gone) out of his head.

24. We also get the note from Mat that he isn’t sure if multiple spouses is a dream or a nightmare (via Rand remembering it). Seriously, with all the Opinions that Mat had about polyamory, it really is a shame he didn’t have to deal with it in the narrative on a personal level.

25. Wow, Aviendha does a major Aes Sedai Lie to Rand here. He asks her if Amys and the others told her where Elayne is; Aviendha says that the Wise Ones do not know. But Aviendha DOES know; Egwene told her about Salidar at the end of TFoH. Big Aes Sedai Lie/evasion of the truth going on. Egwene did make her promise not to tell, so I’m not holding it against her. Just... noting it.

26. Aviendha DOES tell him about the dreams that the Wise Ones have had about him: him on a boat, with three women (unknown who) and a scale tilting in either direction. A man standing by his side with a dagger to his throat but he does not see. Him cutting the wetlands in two with a sword. Rand thinks he understands the last two but I, as a rereader, know that he is wrong about his interpretations. *sigh* The Wise Ones also dreamed about the Bowl of the Winds. “The key to finding the bowl is to find the one who is no longer”.

27. AVIENDHA POV! It’s happening! Ah, she feels shame because Lanfear knew about her sleeping with Rand, which magnifies her toh towards Elayne for doing it at all. Even being around Rand is a constant torment of shame. “I have toh” is the first set of handtalk that any Maiden learns. She thinks that killing Rand would meet one of her toh and killing herself the other, but to do either would prevent her from meeting the other one. Short PoV but fascinating. Putting your “soul in a wreath for a man” is the one of the greatest insults among the Maidens.

28. Three Ogier have come to the palace to speak with Rand. Loial’s mom (with one of the elders and with the Ogier woman that Loial thought was pretty back in Stedding Tsofu) have come to demand that Loial be handed over so that he can be ‘properly married’ off to Erith. Rand doesn’t want to tell them where Loial is at first, as Loial wanted to adventure and not get tied down in a marriage, but then he’s reminded that Ogier feel the Longing and die if they are away from the Stedding too long, so he tells them that Loial is in the Two Rivers. Rand asks them to tell him where all the Waygates are located so that they may be guarded, as Shadowspawn are using them to move quickly across the continent. Of particular interest to Rand is finding out there’s a Waygate in Shadar Logoth.

29. Rand heads to Shadar Logoth with the Ogier and his Aiel guards -- and Sulin, in order to round up the Maidens quickly, uses handtalk to make three gai’shain use haste, which definitely incurred her toh, which she states she will deal with after Rand is safe for today. Rand has a full two-way conversation with LTT about how Shadar Logoth scares both of them. LTT says he wants to kill Damendred; that he remembers killing Ishamael; that Lanfear did deserve her death but that he’s glad he’s not the one who did it, and that he himself deserves death but he doesn’t want to die in Shadar Logoth.

30. Rand thinks: “Here Mat had begun a road that took him to the Horn of Valere, that almost killed him on the way, maybe the road that had taken him to Rhuidean and the ter’angreal that he did not want to talk about. Here Perrin had disappeared when they were all forced to flee in the night, and when Rand finally saw him again, far from here, he had golden eyes and a sad look and secrets that Moiraine had never shared with Rand.” And he thinks about Fain’s connection to this place, Fain who wants Rand dead and who threatened the Two Rivers.

31. Rand weaves a trap around the Waygate using saidin, a nasty trap and inverts the weave so that even male Forsaken will not be able to sense the trap. Then he notices that someone is missing (it is Liah). The ward will kill Shadowspawn but humans can pass through untouched. Rand notes that his anger sometimes feels like it might be able to overpower the Void. As night comes close to falling, they have to give up the search for Liah. Despite Rand not realizing how upset he is over Liah being missing, the Ogier and Maidens are essentially treating him like he’s made of glass right now. tbh, I think a lot of this stuff would work for me if it were Maiden-specific, about being this connection to the mother that he never knew, rather than being Protect The Womens.

32. Rand drops the Ogier off far enough away from Emond’s Field that he doesn’t think news of him should reach anyone there. As he’s about to leave, Elder Haman tells him not to kill himself, which is so blunt that Rand is completely startled; despite dispassionately having noted in his narrative that he self-injured when he realized he was choosing to leave Liah behind. Rand stares off for a while in the direction of the farm in the Westwood where he grew up, then opens a Gateway back to Caemlyn. Oof, though, too real. Self-injury was something that I struggled with around that same age as well.

33. We are back to Mat! Rand has been going through So Much Plot while Mat has been slowly doing his showy march to distract Sammael. Also, Rand never had anything to eat during his PoV. I am immediately teased by Warder!Mat false foreshadowing. See, when this sort of thing happened before Rand was bonded, then it could see like misdirection about which ta’veren was going to be bonded, but it’s still happening! Talmanes (who has been very perceptive about Mat in the past) asks Mat if he’s ever thought of what it might be like to be a Warder. Out of the blue! An entire page of prose happens before Mat gets around to denying that he’s ever considered the idea.

34. Mat is juggling colored stones, which makes him think of Thom. He wonders if Thom is still alive but regretfully decides that he’s probably not. Mat still thinks that Elayne is frustratingly pretty, with a dimple that makes everyone want to fall down to obey her. I think that’s a you-thing, Mat. He hopes that Nynaeve and Elayne have missed him (in a round-about and vaguely insulting way).

35. It’s been eleven days since leaving Maerone and they are halfway to Tear. Mat thinks that he’s not looking forward to taking over from Weiramon... and yet he’s also basically trying to figure out what the fastest they can go is. So, he absolutely is in a hurry and does want to take over. Oh, interesting; they are using the river to help them keep their supply lines intact. Clever!

36. Mat’s collection: five colored stones, an eagle feather, a weathered piece of snow-white stone that looked like it had been carved with scrolls once.

37. There are a lot of Aes Sedai over on the other side of the river Erien, and Mat is glad to have his medallion. The news about the White Tower setting up Logain as a false Dragon has reached this far now. Mat also notes that Warders don’t seem to sweat. We learn that Mat uses former horse thieves & poachers as his scouts, as it is a similar skill set.

38. One of his scouts shows him some destroyed and bloody Tuatha'an wagons, with “Tell the Dragon Reborn” written on one of the wagon beds with blood. I’ll try to remember that and see if Mat remembers to tell Rand about it. Whoever destroyed the wagons also killed all the people and made sure to let no one escape. Finding all those dead bodies, of people who wouldn’t even have defended themselves, puts all of the Band in a solemn mood for the evening, and makes Mat think about “older memories of older dead. Too many battles, and too many dead.”

39. It’s so easy for Mat to define himself as “Rand al’Thor’s friend” in his internal narration now. It’s just part of Who Mat Cauthon Is (again). We also learn that when he was younger (back home), he would sleep outside and put himself to sleep by naming the constellations. Memories note: “in some of his memories he did not like Artur Paendrag Tanreall at all”. Mat’s luck has led him to escape an assassination attempt by his impulsive choice to sleep outside. He realizes that the Aiel were brought here by a Gateway (which implies Forsaken involvement) and he curses that he’s important enough to be hunted by the Forsaken.

40. And, I notice, that when he’s speaking neutrally or fondly (in his way of speaking fondly lol) about Rand, then it’s “Rand” or “Rand al’Thor” but when he’s mad about something related to Rand, then it’s “the Dragon (bloody) Reborn” lol. That tracks.

41. Mat discovers that Olver has been traveling with the Band all this time and makes him his official messenger/errand boy. Olver also collects stones and feathers, like Mat does, we learn.

42. Graendal visits Sammael, who has some small items from the Age of Legends that he says he found in a stasis box. An ‘exchanger’ (AC unit), glowbulbs (lightbulbs), a music box, and pieces of art. And a Zara board, which means that the stasis box was left by a Darkfriend, as the playing pieces of the game were people once. Sammael manages to convince Graendal that he did successfully make a truce with Rand, and he gets Mesaana’s location out of her: the White Tower.

43. Egwene noticing pretty women and handsome men. Bi!Egwene rights. Anyway, I’m guessing part of the reason that Egwene wasn’t allowed ‘legally’ back into TAR for so long is because sneaking into TAR kept hurting the part of her brain that allows her to access TAR, so her healing process took much longer than it should have (the Wise Ones were puzzled that it took so long for her to heal and her headaches to fade). But she’s finally well enough that she’ll be able to attend not the next meeting (in three nights) but the one after that. But, yeah, bet she would have been able to go back officially a lot sooner if she’d actually let her brain rest and heal properly. She’s as bad as Rand when it comes to these things, imo. Neither of them are willing to take proper care of themselves. Both Rand and Egwene are driven on by the certainty that there is never enough time to do/learn everything that they need. Both of them are constantly hearing the ticking of the clock.

44. Wow, this thought about Berelain is such an asshole thought; re: Mangin being hanged and Egwene not feeling like Berelain showed enough emotion over it: “that one was only interested in men who were alive”. Wow, Egwene. Wow. Berelain deserves better than how wetlander women treat her. I want her to marry into the Aiel. They treat her well and she thrives around them.

45. Egwene caring so much about ‘healing’ the Tower is kinda astonishing for how little actual time she’s spent there. She did think of it as ‘home’ when she last returned to it, but then almost immediately left again. I think it’s really more the idea of the Tower that she loves than the actual place, tbh. Her lofty thoughts about it rarely match the more solidly political reality of what life like there was actually like for the Sisters. Though it feels like that’s the case for most Aes Sedai. They talk about how much the Tower means to them but the actual REALITY of the Tower as we saw it as readers is absolutely not the same as the place they talk about lol.

46. Egwene also has a fit of paranoia (about potential Tower spies) that is intense enough to match any of Rand’s. So similar, I tell you. She eventually is able to calm herself by reminding herself that any of the people around look at her and only see an Aiel woman. She also spots Elaida’s embassy to Rand entering the city and follows it for a while. It has been “over two months” since Rand first received the letter from Elaida (which happened the night before Moiraine faced Lanfear at the docks).

47. It’s so amusing to me (but also kinda sad) that Egwene is only just now figuring out that Rand has rediscovered “the Talent called Traveling”. I don’t think she’s seen him Skim either, since she missed the fight with Rahvin? It really shows how separated Egwene and Rand are despite having traveled so long together with the Aiel and despite Egwene living in Cairhien (because she doesn’t live in the city itself but in the Wise Ones’ camps outside the city). Rand has rooms set aside for him to Travel into! Mat has had Rand Travel into his room in the middle of the night just basically to talk at him for a couple of hours! And Egwene is only just now going... yeah, I think Rand can Travel maybe. They’ve grown so far apart emotionally.

48. Berelain rode out to the Wise Ones tents to have tea with Amys, Bair, and Sorilea! <3 Baby! <3 Let Sorilea matchmake for you, honey. She would have better taste in men for you than you would have for yourself. You might still end up with a married man, but it would be one with a wife who enjoyed having you around. Aw, Berelain says that Rhuarc reminds her of her (I assume deceased) father. And then Amys kisses Berelain on the forehead and on each cheek, the way an Aiel mother would kiss her child. They have adopted her! <3 <3 It’s amazing how well Berelain comes off here even with Egwene’s ridiculously hostile PoV of her. Aww, Sorilea does want to matchmake for Berelain, though she thinks she has to try to find a wetlander husband for her.

49. It’s so weird to be that absolutely no Wise Ones can do Healing at all. Just... odd. Also, interesting backstory adjustment, rather than having just been asked to potentially be Nynaeve’s apprentice, now Egwene actually did study under her for a while back in the Two Rivers.

50. It is so interesting the different ways that Egwene DOES adapt to living among the Aiel (holding other people to the ideals of ji’e’toh, thinking of things in terms of shame) and the ways that she does not (mostly related to the prudishness of Two Rivers people and the bed of lies in which she sleeps each night).

51. Elaida’s embassy isn’t staying in the palace but in the house of a noble Lady named Arilyn. They have six official Aes Sedai with the embassy and five hundred soldiers (though most of the soldiers stayed outside the city). And the women inside are constantly channeling. Oooh, I was trying to remember why Aviendha had toh towards Rand -- it’s because she lied to him and told him that she hated him. Thanks for reminding me that lying brings toh, Egwene. She’s trying to mentally tell herself that in her case, her lying has been necessary.

52. It’s so funny that after a few meetings with the Salidar Aes Sedai in TAR, the Wise Ones are so much less impressed with the Aes Sedai as a whole. Egwene notices that during all the planning that the Wise Ones are doing about how to potentially protect Rand from Elaida’s embassy, they never bring up the whole thing about how “the Aiel failed the Aes Sedai once and would be destroyed if they did again”. You know, it actually occurs to me that if there is an element of prophecy in this, it might actually be referring to THE Aes Sedai aka the ones they actually used to serve aka Aes Sedai from the Age of Legends aka Lews Therin aka Rand. Because the Aiel’s survival is so closely tied to Rand’s survival.

53. Cracks me up that Egwene is super into Gawn’s red-gold curls. Considering what she almost had once upon a time and decided she just felt brotherly about. Anyway, Egwene and Gawyn see each other in person for the first time since the last time she was in the White Tower. So... The Dragon Reborn, I think it was? She learns that he commands the ‘guard of honor’ that the Aes Sedai have brought to ‘escort’ Rand and he learns that she is not in Illian. I think it was Siuan who told him that lie?

54. Gawyn tells her that he believes that Rand killed Morgase and she protests that he did not. Gawyn asks for proof and says that Rand probably killed Elayne too. Egwene tells him that Elayne is not harmed. She doesn’t tell him that Rand killed the guy that they actually DO believe killed his mom or that she was literally in the room when Rand found out that Morgase was (believed to be) dead. Potentially due to be distracted by running her hands through his hair. She makes him promise not to “raise a hand against Rand” until she can prove that Rand didn’t kill Morgase. Egwene, he is gonna take that WAY too literally.

55. She tells him she loves him. The last time she saw him, she liked his brother more than she liked him, but now she definitely knows that she loves him. They haven’t ever even flirted with each other, iirc, because Gawyn knew that Galad liked her, so he pre-emptively stepped aside. They have their first kiss. Good for them, I guess? lol. There’s so little substance to this romance that I can’t really take it too seriously. “I will give over everything, betray everything, for you.“ Sheesh, Gawyn, slow it down a little? You honestly barely know each other. Take a breath before you declare yourself willing to forswear yourself for her. He wants her to run away from her duties and the Last Battle and being Aes Sedai so that they can live on a little estate in the country together. Egwene says that she would love that but she can’t, but it’s literally nothing that she has ever expressed wanting so (x) doubt.

56. In brief PoV snippets, we learn that two of the Aes Sedai from Elaida’s embassy are working on tugging at the ambitions of Lady Colavaere (Cairhienin) and High Lord Meilan (Tairen). Then we go back to the main palace they’re staying at and they are trying to figure out the best approach to take to Berelain, who they suspect will be difficult. They are also troubled by rumors that al’Thor has a Green sister with him in Cairhien. They had believed that Siuan and Moiraine (both Blues) had worked alone. They also wonder whether or not Moiraine truly is dead.

57. Rand is close enough to Alanna that he can tell that she had bruised her heel that morning and scraped her hand and is currently in a temper. That IS precise. Rand also realizes that he hasn’t seen Sulin in eight days (since he returned from Shadar Logoth). There is a Whitecloak assassination attempt on Rand that kills 7 people total (one of the Maidens dies shielding Rand from an arrow). We get to hear some of Rand’s List Of Dead Ladies. Rand is relieved that the person he thought might be a second dead Maiden is just a short Aiel man instead. *sigh*

58. lol, oh, this is the conversation where Rand tries his best to figure out if he and Elayne are related and is relieved to realize that IF THEY WERE FARMERS they wouldn’t be considered related at all. lol. Gotta love a man with priorities. He’s hilariously relaxed after realizing this and doesn’t even consciously understand why. Amazing. See, this is hilarious, but it is also very in character and no one is TRYING to be funny. Rand heads off to Cairhien, still trying to avoid Aviendha at all costs.

59. Tonight, the Wise Ones are going to meet the Salidar Aes Sedai alone; in seven days, Egwene will get to be with them when they meet with the Aes Sedai. But Egwene is distracted from thinking about this or about Gawyn when she learns that Rand is back in Cairhien and plans to meet with Elaida’s embassy.

60. Egwene is picking up the Aiel prejudices (judging servants for doing their jobs) without letting go of her own that the Aiel don’t share (her hard-core disdain for Berelain). That’s... less than ideal, lol. Anyway, she’s gone to the Sun Palace to talk to Rand.

61. For all that she’s picking up some Aiel ways, Egwene still doesn’t understand how the Maidens feel about Rand and thinks that Somara talking about him “with the sort of exasperated pride a mother might have for an overadventurous son of about ten” is an Aiel joke of some kind. Though that may be because it’s a Maiden thing and not an Aiel thing, and Egwene is definitely not Far Dareis Mai.

62. As always, Egwene gets incredibly indignant when Rand teases her back after she teases him first. She warns him about not trusting Elaida’s embassy. She notices him talking to himself but doesn’t realize he’s talking to LTT. She tries to use reverse psychology on him to get him to offend Elaida’s embassy and is horrified when he says he’ll take her advice. Eesh, Egwene really is All In on the Aes Sedai: “Even if they followed Elaida, the idea of anyone showing impertinence to any Aes Sedai really did upset her.”

63. Ah, Egwene notices Rand responding to someone who isn’t there and is caught between worrying about him going mad and worrying about the Tower Aes Sedai catching her here. Rand hides Egwene next to the dais that his chair was on and wards her not to be seen, as the Tower Aes Sedai come in. Egwene is incredibly nervous having saidin so close to her. Egwene and Rand do also talk about Traveling here, but the way that Rand describes how he Travels (creating a hole in the Pattern) doesn’t feel right to Egwene.

64. Rand is casually arrogant with the Tower Aes Sedai and tells them that he “looks forward to the day [he] stand[s] in the White Tower” but until he’s ready to go, he rejects their offer of an advisor and tells them not to come within a mile of him or the Sun Palace. When he abruptly asks after Alviarin, Galina tells him that she is well before she can stop herself, which Rand figures marks her out as one of Alviarin’s friends.

65. One of the Sisters (Nesune) noticed feeling a woman who could channel hidden in the room with them. Galina assumes that it was Moiraine and that she faked her death, but Coiren says they can’t make that assumption. Nesune wants to write a research paper on Rand.

66. Rand hasn’t heard LTT’s voice in his head all day and it’s making him jumpy because he’s sure that LTT is there. He keeps bugging Rhuarc and Berelain over things that are either already settled or that they can’t do anything about and his temper is very difficult to keep a handle on.

67. Oh, this is a good insight that I don’t think we actually see change his behavior at all lol: “Rand al’Thor had run away from Elayne, from his fear of loving Elayne, just as he had run from his fear of loving Aviendha.” He decides “no more running” so we’ll, uh, see how that goes.

68. The Sea Folk are have been desperately trying to get Rand to see them this entire book and he keeps avoiding them. He never really gives a reason; they’re just really low on his priority list for whatever reason, despite ships actually being kinda a useful thing. Basically, whenever Jordan isn’t ready for Rand to deal with a plot thing yet, he just avoids it and buries it under all the other stuff he needs to do. Ah, we get a bit of an explanation later: since the Sea Folk aren’t mentioned in any of the Prophecies that he can think of, he bumps them down on the priority list.

69. Aviendha, pissed off that Rand keeps leaving without her, makes his guards promise to tell her where he is going and when; they promise and when Rand protests, they say that they already made a promise and can’t change it. I have to admit, this makes me wary because it seems like the sort of thing that would make Rand... go places without telling his guards first?

70. Rand is horrified to realize that that woman offering him a letter on a tray is... Sulin, dressed as a servant (not even gai’shain but a wetlander servant). After a few moments, he connects it to her toh over reminding those three gai’shain that they were Maidens. He is learning a lot about Aiel culture! Though he is still very capable of asking questions that make Aviendha want to die of shame from how little he knows. Because when he asks questions that feel very silly to them, it shows that Aviendha hasn’t been as good a teacher as she’s supposed to be.

71. Another assassination attempt, this time by a Gray Man. It’s possible these attacks against Randa and the one against Mat were all sent by Sammael, considering he’s the big target that Rand is obviously gunning for, but it might be one of the others, since Sammael had recently tried to convince them that he’s made a truce with Rand. Taim kills the Gray Man before Rand can attempt to question him, which makes Rand feel another swell of anger towards him and LTT really wants to kill Taim.

72. Despite him thinking earlier that he was going to stop running; when Aviendha lectures him over ji’e’toh and he notices that he’s mostly just enjoying staring into her eyes, “bit by bit he chased down the pleasure her eyes gave him and crushed it until only a dull ache remained”. Still sounds like running to me, just mentally instead of physically.

73. Oh! I had absolutely not realized that it is actually CANON that Fain influenced Elaida against Rand, but here it is. “Unlikely Niall would have ever supported al’Thor any more than Elaida would have, but it was best not to take too much for granted with Rand bloody al’Thor. Well, [Fain] had brushed them both with what he carried from Aridhol; they might possibly trust their own mothers, but never al’Thor now.” Oh, wow, yeah. So Elaida’s paranoia and egotism and etc. that she shows in increasing amounts is the poison of Shadar Logoth’s influence on her. She was never a great person, but she was capable of reason, once upon a time. Oh, wow, I’d forgotten this was canon instead of fan speculation, lol. Anyway, Fain is obsessed now with HIM being the reason that Rand dies and not letting it happen by any other hand. Ah, Fain was behind the attack by the Whitecloaks earlier. That makes sense.

74. Thom and Juilin have returned from their scouting (I think they were investigating the Whitecloaks). Apparently, the Whitecloaks have mostly been pulled back and gathered up. He passes along the rumor that Morgase is in the Fortress of Light but Elayne dismisses it and says her mother would never go to the Whitecloaks.

75. Nynaeve does the Plot Thing that they were stuck in Salidar so long before they could accomplish it and move on to their next location: she Heals Logain of being gentled (mostly because she’s distracted thinking of something else while she examines him with the Power, so she bridges the cut in him without thinking about it). Seriously, the gender essentialism is so strong/bad in WoT that Nynaeve literally thinks that men and women are as ‘different in the flesh’ as rocks and fish. Ridiculous.

76. Ugh, Nynaeve is actually thinking about how they could SHARE INFORMATION with Rand and I am just LONGING to this to happen. She actually wants to tell him things! So that he can avoid the mistakes that ignorance of events can bring! And yet we must continue to starve Rand of information in the narrative. Nynaeve and Elayne are the two ‘Tower-touched women’ who genuinely want to help Rand and so The Plot must keep them away from Rand as much as possible. I’m also thinking of how Egwene essentially used Elayne and Nynaeve as her excuse not to tell Rand things (”It’s not my secret”) but... Elayne and Nynaeve are FINE with Rand knowing things, in general? They actively want to tell him things? Nynaeve seems aware that Rand having more knowledge could actually be a BETTER THING than keeping him in the dark (Egwene is a big fan of trying to help Rand by keeping him in the dark as much as possible and only letting him know things as she decides, in order to influence his choices. Which he hates. Egwene learned the WRONG LESSON from Moiraine, imo).

77. Nynaeve is absolutely terrified of Logain, even though he quite reasonably points out how foolish he would be to attack a whole village of Aes Sedai from the center of it. lol, when the Aes Sedai arrive, Logain pretends that he doesn’t know anything about being Healed, as poor Nynaeve is berated for telling fibs to get attention. Aes Sedai really do treat Accepted like children. Sheriam and Myrelle hustle Nynaeve off and reveal that they DO believe that she may have really healed Logain and they want her to repeat it with Siuan and Leane. When Nynaeve reveals that part of the secret is that she uses all five types of flows to Heal, not just Water, Spirit, and Air, there are protests from the Yellows and then the reluctant admission that maybe Nynaeve’s way works.

78. One of the Aes Sedai says this means that they will need to gentle Logain but Carlinya (ha! Don’t think I’ve forgotten you and your raven tattoo/drawing viewing) points out that it might make negotiating with Rand a lot more difficult if they are gentling men while he is sending out an amnesty and gathering men who can channel to him. It would make any difference between them and Elaida not seem so different to Rand’s eyes. And now escape seems impossible, as every Yellow wants to study and talk to Nynaeve.

79. The fact that the Aes Sedai essentially stopped viewing Siuan and Leane as people while they were stilled and are now all “warm welcome[s] as if she had been away for years” is... yeah, that’s unpleasant. But Siuan is brainwashed enough into the Aes Sedai way that she completely understands it: “she held nothing against any of these women, not their cold distance before, not their insistence that she remember her place. The line between Aes Sedai and not Aes Sedai was clear”. But she is frightened and taken aback when she realizes that she’s much much weaker than she was before. Which... okay, if this were a one-off thing, then it could be worldbuilding, but there’s another (completely different) excuse later on in the books to depower a strong channeler to make her a suitable love interest for a non-channeling man and so this feels... not great to me here. Also, ugh, we learn here in a side note that Gareth has been hitting Siuan when he feels she’s been ‘childish’. Jordan was a big big fan of spanking (and, especially, of women being spanked). Anyway, apparently washing Gareth’s laundry and the occasional spanking has made her fall in love with him.

80. Elayne says she regrets them not “putting on disguises like Moghedien and walking past everybody” and Nynaeve is so mad at herself for never even considering that as an escape route. See, Elayne thinks here that they could “maybe even pass word along to Rand through Egwene” but that wouldn’t have worked because EGWENE NEVER TELLS RAND ANYTHING; she views keeping secrets from him as the best way of helping him! *sigh* Elayne’s intentions are good but none of the things that she, personally, tries to get out of them staying in Salidar actually happen.

81. Elayne thinks about how the power-based hierarchy of the White Tower makes sense. It does not, Elayne. It is nonsense, Elayne. I love you but you are wrong about this. The idea that sheer power is what matters most is a bully’s game. “Everything goes into it. Who learned the fastest, who spent the least time as novice and Accepted.” So the LEAST experienced you are, the MORE immediate power is handed to you once you attain the shawl. What a terrible system, where studying for years actually means that you’ll be much less likely to ever actually be in charge of something useful. A Darkfriend/Black Ajah Sister created this system. I feel it in my bones.

82. Elayne feels a pang of regret over not going to Rand when they had the chance when she hears that he’s met with Elaida’s embassy. Same, girl, same.

83. We learn that Delana (one of the Aes Sedai in Salidar) is a Darkfriend, who is now following orders from ‘Halima’ aka Asan’gar aka resurrected Forsaken aka we should all be glad this character is already cut from the show.

84. Valda really is one of those PoVs where I feel kinda dirty after reading it. He’s such a horrible person and he’s so convinced that he’s Actually The Best Person. Not an ounce of compassion or mercy in him at all, only judgement and self-righteousness.

85. Morgase is still being SO stubborn and so strong. She is fighting so hard. She finally gives up the fight in this chapter, due to a complete coincidence (well, not complete, as escaping with two Darkfriends would... also have been bad. Honestly, Morgase genuinely has ZERO good options here).

86. Another confirmation from Niall’s spy that the Seanchan hold Tanchico (though he still doesn’t believe it).  But he feels like he should pay attention to it anyway, even though he feels like the man must be writing nonsense, so he asks for a courtier so he can send a message (which would take twenty days to reach Tanchico under normal conditions and a fast set of horses).

[tryingmybestpls]

She (See You Again Pt. 2)

Pairing: The Mandalorian x fem!Reader

Summary: Sequel to See You Again. Reader gets comforted by the Mandalorian, causing some feelings to rise to the surface.

Rating: T

Word Count: 3k

Warnings: Mentions of child death, mentions of violence and torture

A/N: I feel like this is shitty but I also don’t if that makes sense? I don’t know I feel very meh about this whole thing.

Part 1 is right here

Y/N wished she could forget the way they looked when she had found them, but that image would be burned into her mind forever. Luna was hidden behind her father, clutching the stuffed nerf toy that Y/N had bought after her first day as bounty hunter in the Guild. Her sweet little girl that wouldn't hurt a bug and that made friends with everyone had spent her final moments in fear. Her father had died protecting her, his blaster still clutched in his hand. Arn was a good father, a great father until the end.

Y/N had took her time, carefully wrapping the bodies in extra sheets. Tears streamed down her face as she dug two deep holes under one of the few trees on the property. It was Luna's favorite place on the entire planet. Every time Y/N would come home, she would sit with Luna underneath that tree and tell her about everything and anything the little girl wanted to know as the sunlight streamed through the branches, warming them. Luna would curl up up into her mother's side, holding onto one of her toys, listening closely. Sometimes they'd be woken up by Arn an hour or two later, when the sun was setting. It was times like this that the outside world faded away and the only people in the galaxy was Luna, Arn, and Y/N.

When Y/N first held Luna in her arms, she'd knew that she would do anything for her little girl. Y/N loved her child with every fiber of her being, more than she though would be entirely possible. That's why she didn't mind taking up bounty hunting. Y/N needed to make good money for her little girl and bounty hunting was a steady profession (if you were good at it like Mando or Y/N). Of course she wished she could be there for every single little moment, but Y/N was okay with missing that (well not entirely) if that meant she was able to give Luna everything. The last thing Y/N would be able to do for her sweet little girl would be burying her in her favorite spot, underneath that big deal, next to her father.

The bounty hunter waited until they were both buried before she made her way into town on a speeder. Y/N was armed to her teeth, completely full of rage. Those bastards were going to pay to what they did her baby, to Arn.

And they did.

Every single imp that had wished they had died in the war or wished they were locked away fro life. She was merciless as she cut through the battalion of stormtroopers, her rage and grief fueling the mess she was creating. The village was littered with bodies, their helmets smashed in and blaster holes in their armor. The war lord that had orchestrated the whole thing was hiding when Y/N burst through his door, cowering in fear of the woman painted in blood. The man had begged and pleaded for mercy, but it all fell on deaf ears. Torture was never her thing when she had worked for the Guild, but this situation was different. She had wanted to make him feel like she feeling in that moment.

So Y/N carved his heart out of his chest with a vibroblade.

After that, the rage had dissipated, leaving behind this hollow feeling in her chest. The villagers wandered out from where ever they were hiding, looking for the new Republic soldiers that must of helped them out, but only found Y/N. The bounty hunter let them take care of the mess, the villagers's gratitude falling on deaf ears as she left town. Y/N felt still guilty over the whole situation. She knew that if she been there, none of this would have happened. She felt like there was no reason for her to continue her profession since the only reason for her to be in that line of work was gone. So she sent the message to Greef Karga, let him know that she was leaving it all behind, but gave him the coordinates for emergencies.

It had been two cycles since then, two cycles since her little private life had been ripped out of her grasp, since her little ray of moonlight had been ripped away from her. Now she was sitting on the little couch in the home that was never truly hers, a cup of warm tea in her hands. The Mandalorian had retired to the bedroom and the Child was sleeping in his cradle. The house was too quiet and Y/N couldn't stand it. She stood, grabbing the threadbare blanket that rested on one of the chairs in the room and then grabbed a flashlight before walking outside.

It was a warm summer night, the hum of insects filled the air. Earlier, Y/N and the Child had been playing, enjoying the weather. The mood had shifted now it was just her out here, making her way towards the tree. This wasn't the first time she's done this, going to the tree in the middle of the night. Sometimes Y/N just gets too restless, too lonely. She just wants to feel close to her daughter.

Y/N spreads the blanket out on the ground, right next to the unmarked graves. She lays down on top of it, looking up to see the moon through the branches and leaves. Being out here, under the moon brought her some sort of comfort. Inside, everything reminded her of the two people she lost. Y/N couldn't even inhale without a wave of hurt crashing over her sometimes. Out here, she could pretend that everything was okay.

-

The Mandalorian was about to drift off when he heard the front door open and shut softly. The noise made him sit up in the bed, his head turning towards the window. The bounty hunter stood and walked over to it. He opened the curtain slightly, hiding his bare face as he looked out the window. He could see a beam of light coming from a flashlight aimed towards a tree. Mando could see glimpses of Y/N as she moved around before the flashlight shut off.

He let go of the curtain, moving back to sit on the bed. Some part of him told the bounty hunter to go out there and make sure his friend was okay, but the other part of him told him to let her be. Y/N most likely needed some time to herself, after all she had been only focused on him and the Child for the past week. Mando felt bad that they have invaded her life in such a way, especially with what he knew now. He couldn't comprehend how she was just okay with him and the kid being in her sacred place. He didn't even like other people on the Razor Crest.

The Mandalorian wiped a hand over his face as he mulled over his thoughts. He still was incredibly confused about what he had learned earlier in the week and even more confused by his feelings about the situation. The bounty hunter had started to look at his friend in a completely different light and it was hard to act like everything was okay with this new information weighing heavily on his shoulders.  The entire time he had known her, she had a child, a family. A little girl that Y/N had skillfully hid away, in hopes that she'd be safe from the worst in the Galaxy. Mando didn't understand how she was able to carry on, able to keep going after something like that.

He sighed, grabbing his boots from beside the bed. Y/N has been feeding him and the Child, caring for them, and letting them use her home. The least the Mandalorian could do is to make sure his friend was okay. He stood up and put his beskar helmet on. There was no reason to darn all of his armor if he was just going to go outside to possibly comfort her. Mando tried his best to be silent as he left the bedroom and moved through the small home before he slipped out the front door.

The incessant buzz of the insects greeted him as the Mandalorian walked outside. He kept his visor on the woman laying underneath the tree as he made his way towards her. It didn't take him long to reach Y/N. She didn't even glance at him and surely didn't pay him any attention as he slowly sank to sit down beside her. One arm was tucked behind her head while the other rested on her stomach.

"You didn't have to come out here you know." She announces, still keeping her eyes on the sky above. The Mandalorian nodded, shifting so he could find a more comfortable spot. He’s laid on worse, at least there’s a blanket to slightly soften the ground.

"I know." He responds, trying to figure out what to say. Y/N glances towards him before looking back up at night sky, sighing softly.

"Mando, can you please lay down? I came out here to calm down and I can't if you're as stiff as a statue." She tells him, her voice as calm and even as ever. Mando nods his head and does as she asks, laying down on the blanket beside her. He feels like he should say something to her, but he's a Mandalorian. They don't talk about their feelings.

"It's a nice....tree." The words are incredibly awkward as they go through the modulator in his helmet. Mando immediately regrets even coming outside, calling himself every name in the book. Y/N cracks a small smile, a soft chuckle slipping out.

"It is. It was her favorite place." Her voice trails off towards the end, the smile on her face falling. The Mandalorian's eyes widen slightly under the helmet, once again feeling that he is intruding on something special, something way too intimate.

"What-What were they like?" He questions, not knowing why he is asking. Y/N stays silents for a moment and Mando wants to take those words back, wanting to shove them way down.

"His name was Arn. He was extremely kind and nice-a shitty pilot though." That smile appeared on her face again, humor filling her voice, "Arn was handsome and funny and he was the only one in my battalion that was the same age as me. That's why we had an...arrangement. When I found out I was with child, he wanted to marry me-make the whole thing legit. The war was over and things looked nice for once."

"You didn't want to marry him?" The Mandalorian is genuinely curious as he tries his best to remember the man from the hologram she had showed him. He was handsome, from what he could remember. Y/N sighs, shaking her head.

"No. I loved Arn, but not in the way he wanted me to. He was upset, but there wasn't much that I could do. I still wanted him in Luna's life, so we made a deal. He'd take care of her and I'd provide for the family. Arn was much better at emotions than I was." She explains, Mando watching her the whole time. Y/N turns her head, looking at something he can't see beside her as she continues, "That's what I thought before I had Luna though. When I looked at her-Maker, everything changed."

The Mandalorian stays silent as she takes in a shaky breath. Through his visor, he could see that she shut her eyes.

"She was the sweetest little girl in the entire galaxy. When we went into the village, she had to greet every person she saw. When I'd come home, Luna would always want to sleep right next to me- she just needed to be right next to me all of the time. And I loved it so much. I loved having her so close to me. I was looking forward to it when I last came home and-" Y/N's voice breaks and her eyes open. Her throat is closing up, that oh so familiar pain setting in as she desperately tries blink away the tears in her eyes. Her hand slips off of her stomach, resting beside her on the blanket.

"I'm sorry, Y/N." Mando doesn't know exactly what to say. He's at a loss for words and he is trying to figure out how he is suppose to console his friend. It's not that he usually doesn't feel empathy, but right now his heart is aching and he just wants to help her.

"The first time you came with the Child...it hurt. I mean there is other children i the village, but seeing you with that little green baby? It felt the Galaxy was mocking me. Like everyone but me is allowed that happiness, is allowed a family." There's no bitterness in her words as she forces them out, a stray tear rolling down her temple. The bounty hunter stops breathing for a moment, guilt suddenly filling him. He never thought about that, even after she had told him about her secret life. The Mandalorian felt like shit for coming here and hiding out with the Child, unintentionally worsening her pain. He turns his helmet towards her fully. Mando doesn't really know why his hand reaches out and rests on top of hers, but it does. Y/N stiffens for a moment before easing up slightly, her hand moving slightly so she's holding his. This is new territory for both of them and neither of them know how to feel about it. All they know is that they don't hate it.

"I wish-I wish you would've told me. I never want to hurt you, unintentionally or not." He tells her and for the first time tonight, Y/N turns her head to look at him.

"We weren't close like that, Mando. We didn't share emotions with each other." She replies and the man beside her sighs in response.

"I know. Are you-Is it okay now?" The Mandalorian asks and Y/N gives him a small smile.

"I would've made it clear if it wasn't, Mando. I lo-I enjoy having the two of you around. And besides, it's good seeing you so happy." She tells him and the bounty hunter doesn't really understand why his stomach twists in knots or why his face is suddenly feeling hot under the helmet. Y/N looks back up at the sky as she says, "You're a good dad, you know."

"How do I know? How can I tell if I am doing it right?" It's a moment of weakness, she notes. While he may be holding her hand, it's the Mandalorian's questions that catches her completely off guard. It's out of character for him, but Y/N isn't about to let them hang in the air.

"You won't be able to tell. There's going to be days where you feel like you're the worst parent in the Galaxy, but trust me when I tell you that you aren't. That kid is lucky to have you and you're lucky to have him." She replies, her words settling over him like a wool blanket, warming him from the outside in. The Mandalorian swallows hard.

"He really likes you, you know. I have never seen him take to someone so easily." He starts, looking up at the moon through the branches, "My offer still stands."

"Do you act this way toward Greef? Or do I get special treatment?" Y/N teases, desperately wanting to lighten the conversation, “You’re getting awfully soft on me, Mandolorian.”

“Don’t go telling everyone.” He retorts and Y/N is once again surprised at his attempt at humor. Mando didn’t know how much he wanted her to be happy until he hears a soft laugh escape her mouth. He glances down to their still intertwined hands, a thousand thoughts filling his beskar covered head. Her eyes feel heavy, her emotions having worn her out. Y/N shifts on the blanket, moving a little closer to her partner. The Mandalorian is drawn out of his thoughts when her shoulder touches his. He’s about to move, sitting up slightly, to give her more room when she holds onto his hand a little tighter, making him stop.

“Stay. Please.” Y/N voice is soft as she looks at back at him. Mando looks back at her, trying to quickly decide in his mind. Worry was now etching into her face, her mouth opening so she could try to take back her words. Instead of letting her speak, Mando lays back down, arms pressed against each other. His heart is beating fast and Maker, it has to be loud enough that she can hear it.

Multiple emotions are swarming through the Mandalorian’s head. For one, he was still worried about Y/N, worried about what might happened if she stays here all by herself. Another part of him was sort of happy that Y/N was letting him and the Child stay here, more than enjoying how she took care of them. The bounty hunter was also confused on how he felt about how their hands entangled together and how close they were right now. Those feelings he is sure that he has never before. It something that is making him more at ease than he has ever felt in his entire life. He isn’t quite sure why these feelings are suddenly arisen now-especially since they’ve worked together on multiple bounties-but when it comes to Y/N there isn’t much he was sure of anymore.

The Mandalorian glances down at the woman who is now resting her head on his shoulder. She’s fast asleep, the worried look on her face having melted away. He would most likely never say it aloud, but there’s a word on the tip of his tongue that. Kandosii’la. Mando was sure that he could call her that and Y/N would never know what he was saying. Only he’d know. That’s when it hit the bounty hunter-a word for how he felt about the woman against him suddenly appeared in his mind. A word that made his stomach twist in a dozen different knots.

Guuror.

-

Mandalorian Translations

Guuror- to be fond of

Kandosii’la- stunning

[rayshippouuchiha]

Ray!!! Oh my god you wrote Jiraya meeting Gaara!!! Ajhdkshs nestled in the Uzumaki spiral is Gaara's kanji ;v; girl you're killing me I legit got chills! It's amazing, thank you for sharing!! (Also, Jiraya's about to catch some Tsunade-shaped hands when he gets back to Konoha and has to explain that Naruto's gone bc Jiraya was too busy going to brothels and getting drunk to actually, you know, care for him. And imagine how angry Shikamaru's going to be)

I’m glad you liked the Gaara vs Jiraiya meet up and the token!

As for a glimpse into Tsunade’s reaction well ……….

~~~

It’s been four months.

Sixteen weeks.

112 days.

And there’s still been no word on Naruto. Only word on where he’s not.  On the places Jiraiya hasn’t found him yet.

Tsunade can still taste the rage and the sharp slash of resigned grief and fear that had cut through her the day Jiraiya’s message had arrived, carried by an uncharacteristically solemn faced toad.

‘I fucked up Hime,’ Jiraiya’s hurried scrawl had told her and the admission of guilt as an opening line had frozen her blood in her veins.  The rest of the message had sent it to boiling.  ‘Brat took off. Left a note saying he’d be back when the time came.  He’s not gone rogue but he is gone.  I’ll find him.’

And now it’s been four months and Jiraiya, the famed spy master of Konoha, hasn’t been able to find hide nor hair of a single genin who routinely wore orange and had a personality as loud and noticeable as the sun.

Every single day without word has been a test of patience for her.  A test of her willpower.  A battle against her better instincts, the ones that tell her to leave, to take Shizune and start a search of her own.

To find the little brat that had dragged her back to this place by her heartstrings and then to do the same to him.

She’d kept the news of Naruto’s missing status close to her chest for a number of reasons.  The Council, Danzo, the general shinobi or civilian population, none of them could know that Naruto was gone.  Was completely unaccounted for.

Kakashi, for all of his faults and all of his less than stellar handling of his entire relationship with Naruto so far, absolutely could not know Naruto wasn’t nestled right in Jiraiya’s shadow like he’s supposed to be.

Tsunade has no desire to watch the last Hatake go his own version of feral.  Or to have to peel him off of Jiraiya’s bloody corpse.

She’d seen enough of Sakumo once upon a time to know that was an outcome none of them wanted to deal with.

Especially not when she knows she’d be more than tempted to let the man have free reign over doling out the ass kicking that Jiraiya more than likely deserves.

If only because she’s barely holding onto the urge to maim him herself.  It’s only the fact that he hasn’t stepped foot back in the village yet that’s truly saved him.

And when the time comes and they inevitably cross paths again … well then all bets are off and that’s one gamble Tsunade has no intention of losing.

Because she knows, she knows, that this is all Jiraiya’s fault somehow.  Even without his outright admission of guilt she’d still know it.

Even then it’s difficult to imagine what had driven Naruto to pull up stakes and leave Jiraiya’s side.

She remembers the soft, hurt, look that had fluttered across Naruto’s face when she’d told him the truth about Jiraiya, but even more than that she remembers the brittle sort of hope that had come on its heels.

The idea of that brat doing anything but clinging to Jiraiya’s hemline is hard to imagine.

But, at the same time, a part of Tsunade thinks she might understand whatever it was that had finally driven Naruto away better than anyone would think.

She’d spent over a decade running from her own demons after all, from the pain and the guilt and the anger.

She can only imagine just how far and how fast Naruto might feel the need to go before he finds some kind of peace.

Before he finds whatever it is he’s undoubtedly looking for out there.

Still, no matter what, she’ll be here waiting for him to send word or to get back on his own.  She’ll keep it secret, keep him safe the best way she knows how, and she’ll keep sending Katsuyu’s children out to do some discrete scouting of her own.

And when the time comes and he’s back where he should be, she’ll kick his ass again for making her worry so much.

[moons-and-stars-and-shit]

Hii! May i ask for a slice of cake? (If you can ofc)

So im a INFP-T virgo im also 4"11 i have dark brown hair it because wayy lighter near the sun. Also dark brown eyes my hair is cut kinda like a shag like the front is cut but the back isn't (bc of my parents) my style is grunge ig? Im very inlove with fairy style Smm but because im broke i cant really fulfil my love for that style (also probably because of my parents). My body is???? Okay my boobies are medium size and no unfortunately I don't have a fat ass 😕 im not chubby but at the same time im not skinny. Like the most fat goes to my tummy I get rolls when I sit down bath blah you get my point (im pretty insecure about it lolol). One of my two main dreams is to study abroad and become an interior decorator.

I dont know how to describe my personality but I will try. My best friend always tells me that my sense of humour is downhill BAD. I would laugh at the dumbest shit ever for example i laughed one of those pixilated bugs pics with random names on the bottom 💀 also I laugh at my own trauma and stuff that shouldn't be laughed at. I kinda have anger issues 😕 I get unmotivated pretty easily. I rant to my best friend alot and she says that im ✨depressed✨ and have ✨anxiety✨ and that i need therapy. Im scared to rant to my parents because im "too young and its just my hormones". Something that I found out about myself this year is i have chill tics 😦 (from anxiety). Outside im nice and sweet but on the inside my mind is just saying other things. Im SOMETIMES cold and say what's on my mind but thats to my close ones like my mom dad or friends. I dont lie going Outside alot I think school is kinda useless. I like to draw and listen to music my fav artist are mother mother and mitski.

I hope i didn't say TOO much anyway thank youu I hope you have/had a great day :)

🍰 for @shotosimp2

Romantic Matchup

Oikawa Tooru

How yall met

Ok im ngl

Y'all had know clue who each other were

Well that's a lie

Of course you knew who Oikawa was

But you just didn't care

Now Oikawa always saw you around school

You know...in the school uniform

But one day

He saw you outside of school in all of your grunge glory

And apart of him was like bitch wtf

And the other was like ok queen i see you 😗

So he approached you and complimented your outfit

And you said thanks and then ran off to wherever you were heading

Wait

You just said thanks???

No fan girling????

Not even a blush??????

Nothing????????????

OIKAWA.EXE HAS STOPPED WORKING

Ok he would understand that reaction if you were just a stranger on the street

But you went to school with him?

So you had to know who he was right?

Yeah my mans had a whole ass crisis because you didn't have a bigger reaction

The next day he went to Iwa and told him about his interaction with you

And he was just like not everyone was to like you ya know

Oikawa: >:o

Then Iwa had a brilliant idea

Get this

Maybe

Oikawa should BEFRIEND you before expecting you to want to talk to him

Wild theory I know

So now Oikawa had a new goal

Befriending you

It actually wasn't that hard since you both had a lot of classes together

Soon enough you guys became close friends

And oikawa was happy with just being your friend

At least...he thought he was

But everything changed when you told him you were going to study abroad for 3 months

And even though you had each others numbers

Everything without you just seemed so dull

Omg

Did he really have feelings for you?

The more time that passed by the more he was sure that he liked you

Like LIKED liked you

So the day you came back to Japan is when he confessed to you

And well you'd be lying if you said you hadn't caught feelings for him too

So you said yes

What they love about you

He loves how normal you treat him

Now hell admit when he first met you he kinda wanted you to treat him like a celebrity

Expected it even

But the more time he spent around you

The more he realized how much he liked being treated normally

Ok screw what your friend says

He loves your humor!

Yall will laugh at the dumbest shit

If we were to look at you and Oikawa's messages

85% of it would be dumb ass memes

And honestly

This boy makes jokes about his trauma too

“Hey Y/N you wanna hear a joke?”

“Sure”

“My existence”

“...”

“...”

“Ayyyyy”

“Ayyyyy”

He loves how easy it is to talk to you

Like he's told you things he hasn't even told Iwa before

And Iwa is his CHILDHOOD BESTIE

So yeah

Trust between you two

ASTRONOMICAL

What you love about them

You love how supportive he is

If you say you wanna do something

He is right behind you cheering you on

You could tell him you want to commit arson

And he'd just be like

Period queen ill bring the gasoline 💅

You can always count on this man to be in your corner

Speaking of

You can always count on oikawa period

Which is another thing that you love about him

If oikawa is anything

He is a man of his word

If he says hes gonna do something

You know he's gonna do it

He's just overall a really reliable person

You love how he just seems to motivate you to do better

Fr after you guys started dating your grades went

Partly because you felt like you needed to compete with him

But mostly because he just motivates and pushes you to do better

And if you do improve on something

He is HYPING you up

“That's my baby! I knew you could do it!”

Favorite things to do together

Yall love to just go to the store and window shop

Im sorry but yall are some broke hoes

So most of the time it's just you guys trying on clothes in the dressing room

Taking pictures of your outfits

Then leaving

Yeah the store employees kinda hate you…

But who cares what they think

And if you two do have some pocket cash you'll buy one or two things

Then blow the rest of your money on that good mall food

Cause why not

Random Hc

He makes fun of your guys height difference ALL THE TIME

But like, can you blame him????

You're not even 5 feet tall!!!

“Imagine being the size of a 10 year old, couldn't be me”

Imagine being taller than the national average height 😐, couldn't be me”

“Touche”

He let you dress him up as an E-Boy ONCE

Ngl tho he dug the eyeliner look 😗

He called you every day while you were studying abroad

He even sent you a oikawa plushie

You may or may not have sent him a video of you drowning it

When you came back to Japan he legit TACKLED you in the middle of the airport

Astrology

Virgo + Cancer

Compatibility 80%

Cancer and Virgo can have a wonderful connection and are usually brought together by sexual understanding.

The main problem of their relationship is in the possible conflict between emotional Cancer and reasonable Virgo.

If they manage to overcome this, accepting each other’s shortcomings and learning to incorporate some rationality or some emotion into their lives, they could end up in an inspiring relationship that will last for a very long time.

In a way, they complement each other as much as the heart complements the mind.

If they share a spark of love, it would be a shame to miss the opportunity for happiness just because of someone’s irrational expectations or someone’s closed heart.

If someone can help Virgo build their trust, it is their Cancer partner.

Although Cancer is a cardinal sign, they are stable by nature, especially when it comes to emotional decisions they have made.

If they have chosen Virgo to be their loving partner, they will have no reason to lie or cheat.

This behavior would only endanger their vision of a shared life and a loving family they want with the partner they chose.

This is also a reason why Cancer won’t have an initial problem with trusting Virgo.

Their convictions are stronger than their doubt.

Overall Aesthetic

Grunge Glamour ✨

Songs -

Tia tamera (Doja Cat)

Verbratem (mother mother

Literal Legend (Ayesha Erotica)

Hayloft (mother mother)

Stupid (ashnikko)

[spaceskam]

the kissing booth (4)

it’s 2am, will add links to specific parts later

ao3

It was the first morning Michael had slept in that he could remember.

The first two weeks or so of coming to this shed that Alex had shown him, he could barely sleep. He kept waiting for something to happen and that it’d be a big joke and he’d often stress so much that he’d leave early hours in the morning to sneak into Rosa’s bedroom. Last night, however, he’d passed out around two in the morning. He was wrapped up in the blankets Alex had in there on the tiny, twin mattress. It all smelled of Alex and it had kept him asleep well after the sun rose.

He stretched his arms out and smiled at the ceiling. He didn’t know what he did to deserve this, but he was thankful. Alex hadn’t come into the shed since he showed him where it was which Michael found a little odd, but they hung out other places. He’d gone to coffee with him and Isobel, they went to Alex’s football games, they talked. It was a legit friendship. Michael felt blessed.

The shed was hidden behind the house and, apparently, Alex’s family didn’t even know about it. It was old and, according to some initials carved into the wall, had been there since at least the 50s. Somehow, though, it was still connected to the house’s electricity. Alex theorized that it was probably shotty, but he hadn’t had any issues. It meant there was a space heater that worked and a light bulb strung from the ceiling.

“How’d you find this?” Michael had asked him that first day.

“I wandered a lot as a kid. I found a lot of stuff, but this felt like my little secret,” Alex had answered.

Apparently, for the last ten years of Alex’s life, he’d been slowly making this place his little escape whenever he needed to go be alone. Michael did feel a little bad that he’d sort of taken it over during the night, but he was also endlessly thankful that he had somewhere to go at night. There was no pressure to leave. In fact, Alex would leave food for him with mom-like sticky notes to tell him to sleep well. It was overwhelmingly kind.

Michael leaned over and grabbed his phone, seeing it fully charged and a message from Alex telling him that he was going for a run if he wanted to join that had been sent four hours prior.

Michael: sorry, I slept through it 😬 would've gone with you 

Alex: no worries :) wanna go get coffee? 

Michael: yeah, sure. Meet me at the shed?

Alex: be there soon! 

Michael bit his lip to hold back a smile. This all felt so normal. It was surreal.

Still, Michael got up and got dressed. He made the bed up like he did every day before he left. Typically, he didn't even undo it. Last night he had. 

Michael used his phone as a mirror, checking his hair and his face. He’d have to sneak into Isobel’s for a shower later, but that was manageable. He hadn’t exactly told Rosa or Isobel exactly where he was staying, but he wasn’t really sure if Alex would be okay with that. However, he figured he’d have to ask if only because he didn’t want them to worry.

When Alex got to the shed, he knocked. Michael’s system was flooded with a weird, giddy sensation. He knocked. Someone knocked as if it was his space. He really tried to shake off the smile when he went to open the door, but he couldn’t. It was okay, though, because Alex was smiling too.

“Sleep well?” he asked. He looked good. He always looked good. 

“Yeah,” Michael said, licking his lips and looking Alex up and down. On a Saturday morning, he’d gotten up early to run and take a shower, meaning his dark hair was glistening and his clothes were fresh and he smelled so strongly of lavender body wash that it was unfair. 

“You know you can keep some stuff in here if you want,” Alex said, “Make it feel like home.” Michael felt his stomach tie in a billion knots and his face felt hot. What the fuck was this?

“Nah, I don’t wanna impose,” Michael said, suddenly unable to really look Alex in the face, “I already feel like I’m monopolizing all the time in here.”

“Oh, fuck off, you’re so not,” Alex laughed, walking further inside. Michael watched him flop onto the bed, making sure it would smell like him for a little longer. “See? No monopolizing here.”

Michael exhaled heavily and managed a smirk, walking closer. Each day, it felt a little harder to flirt with Alex. He wasn’t sure why it was getting harder. Especially since he spent more than a couple nights flailing and smiling like an idiot because Alex did something like brush past his arm.

“So… coffee? Or you wanna stay here?” Michael asked, staring at Alex all laid out like that on the bed. He knew he wasn’t actually as clean as he would like to the first time he got Alex in bed, but it was so enticing.

Alex licked his lips and huffed a laugh, pushing himself up. “Coffee. I need it in my system.”

“Okay,” Michael laughed, resisting the urge to push him further into the bed, “Let’s go. My treat.”

“Shut up, my treat.”

“It’s always your treat.”

“I don’t think you understand how much pleasure it brings me to spend my daddy’s money on a proud bisexual man,” Alex grinned, standing up and touching his chest lightly as he passed, “A subtle but satisfying rebellion if you ask me.”

Michael didn’t know how to react to that, but something deep in his stomach told him that he didn’t want it to end.

-

Alex came to the shed more often.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah.”

“How do you do it?” Alex wondered. He was laid on a yoga mat on the floor, slowly lifting his hips off the floor and holding before slowly dropping them. Michael was positively mesmerized.

“How do I do what?” he asked, tilting his head just a little so he could probably examine Alex’s ass. When he was flat on the floor, Michael theorized he could fit his hand between his back and the floor. He thought about trying.

“Act like nothing bothers you all the time,” Alex said, “Like, I’ve seen you literally look like you’re about to shut down and then the minute someone comes up to you, you throw on that sexy little smile and pretend like you’re great.”

“Sexy, huh?” Michael asked. Alex scoffed and gave him a pointed look.

“Not the point.”

Michael sighed and looked down at the book in his lap. It was apparently in English, but with Alex looking like that only a few feet away he couldn’t recognize any of the words. He tried to come up with a good response but couldn’t think of one.

“I just do,” Michael said with a shrug, “It’s not that deep.”

“I think it’s a coping mechanism,” Alex said sharply, swiftly moving from that position to a plank. His biceps were bulging and it truly felt like he was doing this on purpose.

“I’m not a psychology project.”

“Didn’t say you were,” Alex said, not even kind of sounding winded, “Just saying I think that’s why you’re so tired all the time. You drain yourself pretending.”

“I’m not pretending.”

“Maybe not necessarily,” Alex said, bringing himself down to the mat, “But on some level, it’s not real.”

Michael breathed in slow, trying not to be offended. He didn’t think Alex was trying to offend him. Alex lifted chest up and turned his face towards the sky, his hips to the ground. Michael clutched his book and brought his knees to his chest.

“Okay, your turn,” Alex said.

“What?”

“I clearly upset you. Your turn to psychoanalyze me.”

Michael stared at him and wondered if he should play the queer card, maybe that would hit as deep as saying hey your whole personality is fake. Instead, he pulled on his bottom lip and shook his head.

“I got nothing,” he said.

“C’mon,” Alex prodded, shooting a grin his way, “Something’s in your head.”

Michael waited for a few beats before speaking.

“Why are you so nice to me?” Michael asked softly. Alex furrowed his eyebrows and relaxed, sitting down like a normal person.

“Not everyone has an agenda, Guerin,” he said with a soft laugh that Michael couldn’t reciprocate.

“Not in my experience.”

Alex stared at him for a moment before saying, “What about Rosa? She doesn’t have an agenda.”

“Rosa feels bad for me and I’m just waiting until she hates me,” Michael said, “Same with you, I guess.”

“Okay, Rosa literally loves you,” Alex corrected. Michael shrugged. “And I won’t ever hate you. If I thought that was a possibility, I wouldn’t be around you in the first place. I definitely wouldn’t have asked you to stay here.”

It was the first real-time those exact words had been said out loud. They were the scariest words Michael had ever heard. He didn’t respond.

“You look tired,” Alex said, standing up, “Get some sleep.”

Michael stayed up the rest of the night.

-

“My dad’s out of town.”

Michael watched Alex curiously as he stood in the doorway of the shed. He was in baggy sweatpants and an equally baggy crop top, his hair a mess and looked painfully sexy. It genuinely wasn’t fucking fair. Michael gulped and took a quick look at him up and down. Alex was smirking when he got back to his face.

They’d been doing this for a month. He told Isobel and Rosa where he’d been staying and they didn’t ask questions, but he knew they thought he was just setting himself up to be let down. They had told him more than a few times that Alex was straight, don’t fall for a straight guy, don’t, don’t, don’t.

But they didn’t see Alex in moments like this. Moments when he smirked at him and touched him and wanted to be around him. He couldn’t just be making that shit up.

“I have the whole house to myself,” Alex added after a moment.

“Sounds lonely,” Michael said. Alex bit down on his lip and nodded.

“Yeah,” he said. Alex tapped against the door frame and tilted his head, truly looking at Michael in a way he’d never really been looked at. It made his heart beat a little faster. “You need a haircut.”

Michael let out a surprised little laugh, raking his hand through his hair. It was getting long and Rosa usually cut it, but he hadn’t really been paying attention. He’d been a little distracted.

“I’ll get one eventually.”

Alex grinned. “I can give you one.”

“Right, and ruin my hair? Nice try.”

“Nah, I’m actually pretty good at it,” Alex promised, reaching forward to swat lightly at his arm, “Let me show you.”

Michael caved. How could he not?

“Alright, but not too short in case I need Rosa to save the day.”

Soon, Michael found himself walking through the Manes house for the first time. It was just as big as he imagined, but he didn’t get a good look at it as he was led up the stairs to Alex’s bedroom. That seemed far more important than the rest of the house.

“Welcome to my room,” Alex said, throwing his arms out lightly. Michael looked around at the band posters that mixed oddly with the military-esque order of the rest of the room. “My dad and I made a compromise.”

“I see that,” Michael smiled, “You’re just an emo kid waiting for his time to shine, huh?”

Alex huffed a laugh and shook his head, grabbing Michael by the shirt and tugging him into the bathroom. The smile on both of their faces were prevalent as Alex pushed him into a chair that was already in the bathroom. A quick, nosey peek into the cabinets when Alex turned away to get scissors revealed makeup that had Michael’s mind wandering. He’d never seen Alex in makeup. He wondered when he wore that.

“Can I wash your hair?” Alex asked as he walked back in with a pair of scissors in his hands. Michael looked up at him and felt more obsessed than ever.

“You can do whatever you want to me,” Michael said helplessly. Alex smiled and leaned to grab shampoo from his shower. 

Alex put a folded up towel behind Michael’s neck and leaned his head into the sink. His long fingers combed out the knots in his hair as he drenched it with warm water. Michael’s eyes fell shut and he lost himself in the sensation. By the time Alex was working the shampoo into his hair, he was almost asleep. 

Michael was brought back to the living world by the sound of Alex’s laughter. He opened his eyes to see him above him, eyes shining. It was one of the most relaxed moments he’d ever seen Alex in. He was utterly carefree and comfortable. Michael was a fucking goner.

“You awake?” Alex asked softly. Michael nodded. “Lift your head for me, okay?”

Again, his eyes struggled to stay open as Alex snipped off bits of his hair. Rosa was always quick and efficient when cutting his hair, usually making him laugh and distracting him. Alex, on the other hand, was taking his sweet time. He’d press his body up against his, lean close, blow on his cheek to get fallen hair away, and disperse random touches wherever he could. He was beginning to think Alex could cut all of his hair off and he’d still say thanks.

Alex finished off the cut by combing his hands through his already curling hair. 

“There, you can wake up now,” Alex said, smiling at his work. Michael turned to look in the mirror and saw that it was definitely a bit shorter than he usually went and could anticipate that, once it dried, it would shrink.

“You think I’m still hot?”

“Yeah,” Alex chuckled, using his finger to curl a ringlet over Michael’s forehead. Oh, he was fucked.

“Can I ask you something?” Michael asked after a moment of both of them just staring in the mirror. Alex nodded. “Are you straight?”

Alex furrowed his eyebrows like he couldn’t believe he asked that question. “Why? You into me or something?”

His tone was bordering somewhere between joking and accusatory and it was confusing enough that Michael decided to reel it in completely. Or, as much as he could. It was hard. Too fucking hard.

“Just wondering since you can cut hair and what are we if not stereotypes,” Michael joked. Alex smiled again and rolled his eyes.

“Shut up,” he laughed, walking back into his bedroom. Michael stared at himself in the mirror for a little bit longer. He’d spent over two months now assuming Alex was into him and now he wasn’t sure if he was right. Had he made it up? Had he misread things? Had he seriously fallen for a straight guy? “Guerin, we get it, you’re into yourself!”

Right. Still here.

Michael went back into the bedroom, plastering on his smile so it wouldn’t seem like he was more confused than ever. Alex was laying on his big bed, his laptop propped against his knees.

“Wanna watch a movie?” he asked. Michael’s first thought was yes, followed by that’ll make it worse, followed by who cares.

So, instead of being smart, Michael fell onto Alex’s bed and all but sunk into it. Alex tossed a ball that was on his nightstand and shut the lights off.

“Impressive,” Michael noted.

“Yeah, I know,” Alex laughed. Michael smiled at him helplessly all over again. “What do you wanna watch?”

“I don’t care.”

“Alright, then we’re watching Buffy and starting where I let off in the middle of an episode in the middle of season 5,” Alex threatened. He really didn’t seem to understand that Michael didn’t give a shit as long as he got to lay in his bed with him. 

“Okay.”

“You are so fucking tired,” Alex teased, clicking on the episode that he’d said, “Go to sleep.” Michael furrowed his eyebrows. “Dude, you were falling asleep the whole time in there. Just go to sleep.”

“You sure?” Michael asked, “You gonna wake me up when you wanna kick me out?”

“Yes,” Alex said, still grinning as if this was a normal thing you did with your friends. Which, for Michael, it kinda was, but Alex seemed different. Still, Michael took him up on the offer because he was self-destructive and couldn’t turn down the opportunity.

Michael woke up in the middle of the night to Alex sound asleep on the pillow beside him. Alex had pulled the blanket over them both sometime after he’d fallen asleep and just let him stay. His fingers twitched, eager to touch his hair or his lips or just any part of him. Instead, he kept his hands to himself and turned to face into the pillow, deciding smelling him was a lot safer than looking at him.

They both slept through Alex’s alarms.

All of them.

-

“Your hair looks nice.”

“I’ve done something extremely stupid and I don’t know what to do about it now, help me.”

Isobel blinked in surprise, but Michael didn’t really care that he’d passed on the greeting. It was finally Monday and he’d spent the weekend playing house with Alex, sleeping in the same bed and cooking together and being so fucking domestic that Michael wanted to throw up. This wasn’t real. Alex didn’t like him.

“I think I’m, like, in love or something,” Michael vented. Isobel’s eyes went even wider. “I-I spent the whole weekend with Alex. He cut my hair and we slept together and‒”

“You what?”

“Not like that! Just, in the same bed, and acted like fucking boyfriends minus all the kissing and the cuddling and, Izzy, I want the kissing and cuddling,” Michael vented, dropping his head in his hands. Isobel grabbed his arm.

“Okay, just breathe,” she instructed. He listened. “Look, have you talked to him about it?”

Michael squeezed his eyes shut. “No. Well, I asked him if he was straight, and he sort of avoided the question.”

“Maybe try asking something a little different?”

“Like what?”

“Like a date?”

Michael snapped his head up, probably looking as horrified as he felt. “I can’t do that. He gave me a whole ass place to go where I don’t feel like I’m bothering everyone. If I ask him out and he’s not into it, I ruin that. I don’t want to ruin that.”

“Listen, Michael, I think it’s worth it,” she said softly. He shook his head. “Look at you! I’ve never seen you like this over anyone. That feels like it’s worth it to me.”

Michael gulped and tried to shake off his nerves. It didn’t really work. 

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” she said, “And if kicks you out, then fuck him and you don’t want to stay with a guy who gets that offended.”

Michael felt like she was skipping a few steps in logic, but he also felt like having Alex for real sounded like a fucking fantastic thing. He’d been wanting to kiss him for so long it hurt.

So, that night, when Alex showed up at the shed again, Michael decided he needed to just get it over with or he was going to fucking drown. 

“Hey, can we talk?” Michael asked as normal as possible. Alex smiled that sweet smile and nodded. They both sat on the little bed, facing each other. “So… Promise me you won’t get upset?”

“Why would I?” Alex asked. Michael just stared at him until his smile started to drop. “Yeah, I promise.”

“Okay,” Michael breathed, “So… This whole weekend got me thinking really hard… I like you.” Michael looked away from him and then looked back. Alex’s face didn’t really change. “Like, I like like you. Like running into you that day kinda changed my entire life.”

Alex blinked a few times and turned his head away. Michael could feel his heart dropping. Oh. This is how it goes bad.

“This weekend…” Alex whispered, shaking his head with a scoff. “That was seriously the first time you noticed me?” Alex asked, voice carrying so much more emotion than it usually did that Michael flinched, “That day when you ran into me. You seriously had never noticed me before?”

Michael blinked a few times. “No?”

Alex scoffed, “You know, I used to see you every day and thought you were so fucking cool. For, like, three years I saw you at Bean Me Up, at the Crashdown, at the library, around town. I saw you all the time! I stared at you and admired you and tried my hardest to get your attention without having to actually talk to you because you were so fucking cool!”

Michael leaned away from him, eyebrows furrowed and more confused than ever. He was struggling to follow any of what was being said. How the hell had he been around Alex all that time and never noticed him?

“And when you started talking to me, flirting with me,” Alex went on, laughing dryly, “I really thought that you’d noticed me too. I had really fucking convinced myself that maybe you’d been doing what I was and just fucking pining like a dumbass for three years. I really thought that! I thought that someone as cool as you had somehow noticed me and had been waiting for your moment!”

“Alex, what‒”

“But no,” Alex huffed, “Because you’re too cool. Too self-absorbed and too fucking entitled to older women and rich girls and-and saying you like men but never being seen with one, then I show you I’m rich and suddenly you’re into me? Okay, Guerin.”

“Alex‒” Michael started, stopping that train of thought once Alex got up, “I don’t‒ I’m not‒ Alex!”

“You can still stay here,” Alex said, face still angry and hurt even though he was trying to use a calm tone, “I get you’re not faking that. But don’t fake being into me for my fucking money.”

Alex left him alone and he tried his damnedest to understand what Alex’s thought process had been. He wasn’t sure how he got from point A to point B, but he was sure Alex wasn’t open to hearing his explanation. Mainly because he didn’t have one. Alex had added so many fucking steps that didn’t even exist. How did one person complicate a stupid crush so much?

What the fuck was he missing?

-

“I’m totally over Alex.”

“Michael…”

“No, seriously, I am,” Michael insisted despite the fact that he was sitting in the bleachers at Alex’s football game, rambling over the noise that made up halftime, “I’ve had a few days to think about it and I’m glad he rejected me.”

“Seriously?” Isobel sighed, “I think if you guys just talked, then‒”

“No, I don’t wanna talk. He assumed so much shit about me without asking for clarification, I don’t wanna be with someone like that,” he said firmly. Maybe he still ached for his skin, maybe he still missed his smell, maybe he cried a couple of times, and maybe he couldn’t sleep in the shed anymore because it reminded him too much of Alex, but so what?  

“I think you’re overreacting,” Isobel said softly.

Michael shook his head. “I’m not the one overreacting. Alex freaked out on me for no reason. I don’t need that in my life. And good thing too.”

“...why is it a good thing?”

“Because now I can focus on a guy who actually wants me,” Michael said firmly, “Like the guy at the kissing booth.”

Isobel sighed loudly, “Michael, that was‒”

“I don’t care. He’s gotta still be out there. I want him. He wants me.” 

Michael didn’t look at her because he knew it’d be pity. He was tired of pity. He’d been getting it from her and Rosa all fucking week. Everyone went through tiny heartbreaks, he wasn’t special.

To prove that he wasn’t special, he stood up on the bleachers and whistled as loud as he could. He got a relatively decent-sized audience, including some of the football team, including Alex Manes, so he knew it’d spread to whoever it needed to reach. He threw on his smirk.

“Can I have your attention, please! Three months ago when I did a kissing booth at your fundraiser, one of you lovely men of Atherton kissed me behind the booth! I’ve been looking for you ever since!” he announced loudly. He heard a few whistles in response, fueling him more even as Isobel tugged on his pant leg. “So, I’d like to proposition you, whoever you are! Meet me at Bean Me Up Monday night! Let me get to know you! And, if he’s not here, everyone spread the word so I can find him!” 

Michael sat back onto the bleacher as people whistled and clapped for him as if he was that important. Sometimes, he surely felt he was. When it came to the people of Atherton, they felt he was too.

“What the fuck, Michael?” Isobel hissed.

“What?” he asked, “I was just getting shit done.”

“You could’ve gone about that in a better way.”

However, when Michael looked and saw Alex staring at him with slightly terrified eyes, he really thought he couldn’t have.

[dragynkeep]

You know I'm still pissed how they handled the whole Argus/getting to Atlas thing so let me word vomit for a bit because I have a better idea on how they get there. (Part 1) First throw Rubys, "we've gotten by without adults before" speech out the window. Instead we follow through with her calling Qrow out on his shit. At least Jaune is thinking of ideas that's more than Qrow right now. If he wants to be useless fine stay in argus or fuck off but *they* will continue the fight and get to Atlas

Qrow realizes he's being a dumb bitch is like okay fine there is one thing we can do. I can't believe this hasn't been established but here goes, there are certain access points that are safe guarded where the inner circle can get a direct message to James so he can give his permission to esquort them to Atlas. Problem is for Argus it's the military base so instead of stealing an airship they just gotta sneak into the base long enough for Qrow to get through to James

it's then decided that Maria can act as a distraction by antagonizing Cordo into a fight between them giving Kerry his old lady fight (mmm okay) and also gived pay off into their rivarly. Qrow sneaks in as a bird and gets to the communication room. Meanwhile teams rwby and jnpr go patrol the outskirts of the coast to keep the relic away from people and pick off some grimm to keep busy. This is when Adam ambushes them. Oscar gets sent back to the military base for backup and his safety

So Oscar gets sent to the base for backup to capture a high profile terrorist and also keep him safe. But since Blake and Yang haven't dealt with their trauma it attracts even more grimm forcing jnpr to double back and take care of the grimm so it doesn't make its way to the city. Rwby then *all* face Adam as a team. But he's a punk bitch and decides he has to hurt them all. So he attacks Ruby like slash to the gut and sends her flying into the ocean to either drown or bleed out

This leads to all of team wby to give a final team attack. Adam can either be killed or subdued. Meanwhile Ruby has her breakdown wondering if all this is really worth it, if she's just meant to die like her mom? Her blood and fear attract sea grimm she has the montage of bad memories but she can just barely see something or someone coming her way. Jaune most likely since he'd be closer to the water He grabs her and wraps her cloak around the wound and trying to swim to the top.

his armour however weighs him down and using one arm to hold up Ruby makes it hard to swim to the top. Here Ruby realizes it's either Jaune or one of her friends trying to save her. She now has the montage of good memories maybe even Summer saying words of encouragement. Silver eyes vaporize all grimm in the surrounding area. This gives Jaune the push to swim up and get Ruby to shore Jaune closes the wound withhis semblance but Ruby still has blood loss. Now the military comes to help

Cordo sees Adam either captured alive or dead and an injuried Ruby is quickly transported to the military base for medical treatment. We can even do a cliche but very much needed scene wher Ruby is in the afterlife and talks to Pyrrha or her mom sharing her guilt and fear of failing but they encourage her to keep going. Ruby wakes up weak but alive. Nice family moment between Yanh, Ruby, and Qrow where they all agree this fight is worth seeing to the end and they can't give up.

Cordo as thanks for capturing/killing Adam gives them a pardon and Ironwood is contacted and gives special permission for them to be esquorted to Atlas. They either leave right away needing to get the relic put away or wait until Ruby heals. Ruby and Jaune can have a nice moment where she thanks him for saving her life, he's all like you saved my life in so many ways and he couldn't save Pyrrha he wasn't about to lose her too. Volume ends with the fleet in Atlas as a cliffhanger. Fin

First off, thank you for the word vomit ‘cause we know have an essay to ready through. Never put us through this torment again, I have dyslexia.

Starting off, getting rid of Ruby’s speech about not needing adults when the show seriously contradicts her is sorely needed. It makes Ruby come off as ungrateful and arrogant, and I’m not here for it. Qrow still needed that stern telling off from Ruby because he is being unreceptive to any of their suggestions and he isn’t helping at all, but none of the others even tried to help Qrow through his depressive spiral. I’d have Ruby and Yang trying together to get through to him, but not acting like he’s a burden when he’s having a relapse and needs help.

Mentioning other ways for Ozpin’s inner circle to contact one another would’ve been an interesting point, but it hasn’t been established at all. They should have some way to contact each other, but they don’t, and it’s just like what? How the fuck do they ever contact each other, use the bog standard CCT Towers like everyone else? That’s not secretive! No wonder Cinder hacked your phone, James, get Nord VPN! 

Because of this, you run into the territory of an Ass Pull. The heroes have run into a problem and are in a dead end, but wait! Qrow has this secret way to contact James that wasn’t established before and only brings it up now rather than attempting when they were in Haven! It would require redoing things in previous volumes for that to work. 

And a quick note, the idea of the heroes sneaking into the military base has me thinking of the prison scene in Shrek 2 where Shrek’s friends break Shrek, Donkey and Puss out of jail.

Positive note, but at least here Qrow remembers that he can turn into a bird to sneak into places, which is why Ozpin gave him the powers in the first goddamn place. 

With RWBYJNR staying away from Argus because of the relic actually gives consequences to the relic seemingly drawing Grimm. They can’t remain in Argus for long without putting it in danger, but now they’re in danger of Grimm attacks and anyone against them coming across the group. But having Adam do it, especially with the whole group, doesn’t really work. I’m always one to say that Adam is a good fighter, but there is no way he could take on the whole of Team RWBY and JNR, even if Yang and Blake are struggling with their own trauma relating to him. 

If he was picking them off one by one like Blake warned Sun about, then yeah, but I doubt the group would split up like that to allow him to pick them off, and they would just be dumb to split up anyway because they’re at risk of Grimm. I like the idea of Oscar going back to get backup, because it means that the heroes aren’t so arrogant that they believe they can handle everything themselves, plus it doesn’t hurt to build good relations with the people who you want to gain passage from. 

However, the reason that JNR tracks back doesn’t really make sense when you realise that for the amount of Grimm needed for them to deal with without fear of failure, the city could easily handle themselves if they appear. The only reason that Argus was overwhelmed by Grimm in canon is because Cordovin took the mech to fight the heroes and took it away from defense. Here, the mech and defenses are still in Argus, ready to use if the amount of Grimm that would be attracted by the negativity of two people appeared. It feels like JNR left because the plot told them to, not because there’s a legit reason for them to. 

Even the whole fight between WBY and Adam has the same problems as canon. This is Blake versus her abuser, but rather than Yang overtaking the fight in canon, it’s now Ruby being thrown off the cliff that’s taken precedence. It’s the wrong person taking the attention. Also, I’m not a fan that it’s Jaune that saves Ruby when he’s not even supposed to be there, since he’s doubled back with his team. It really should be Yang, we already have problems with the sisters not being given moments to be sisters. There is one later when Ruby wakes up, but that’s shared with Qrow, and it being Jaune who saves Ruby doesn’t fit in my opinion. 

The meeting with Pyrrha/Summer and Ruby in the afterlife? I would nix that. It’s a special thing that happened between Ozma and the GoL to show the otherworldliness of the gods and that Ozma is special. It’s not a common occurance that happens a lot in RWBY like in other shows like Naruto. Also, Ruby was not that close to Pyrrha, they had a handful of scenes together before Pyrrha died. I would see it more like Penny than Pyrrha in terms of someone who’s close to Ruby, but either way the scene doesn’t really work.

I get what you were trying to do with Jaune’s character. He couldn’t save Pyrrha so he wouldn’t let another one of his friends die, but this comes with the problem of taking away a moment that should’ve gone to Yang rescuing her sister, and that by the time this fight would come, Jaune has already reached the conclusion over Pyrrha. He has already started moving on from his guilt over her dealth. 

And reading the rest of this, that’s unfortunately the feeling I get. There’s some good bits here that I think would’ve made the season better, but it feels convoluted and that once again, the plot is driving the characters, not the characters driving the plot. 

[nad-zeta]

Hello! Can I get a matchup please? I’m an Aries and I will most certainly not hesitate to kill someone if they deserve it and will speak my mind whether people like it or not. I hate routines, they bore me. I’m impatient and short tempered and I hate being tied down or told what to do. I love reading, listening to music, receiving attention & affection or if i feel like it, going out with my friends. I also love taking on leadership roles and being challenged since I’m very competitive. Tysm! 💞

Match up

Hi there love! Thank you so much for the request! Sorry for taking sooooooo long! I hope you enjoy it dear!❤

So I match you with………………………………. Nobunaga

Oh, you definitely entered into Azuchi with a bang. From the moment you enter the palace, it was evident that you were not happy with being hunted down and caught. You walked into the room, and all eyes were now turned to the strange lady who had saved their lord from the fire. He summoned you to come closer to him. You narrowed your eyes and moved slightly closer, you knew one thing was for sure, and that was that you were not ganna take this man or any other man in this room’s crap. Your death stared Nobunaga. You were having a particularly bad day that day and being sent back in time, and now standing in a room full of strangers was making it worse by the second. Nobunaga, in his usual arrogant voice, proclaimed that you were to be an Oda princess. Like hell, you thought, no way are you ganna be some prissy princess, you were born to lead. You legit told him exactly how you felt, you told him you are not the type of girl who is just ganna sit still and look pretty all day. 

Nobunaga was sooooo amused by you, very few in his lifetime have had the balls to challenge him. And yet here you are guns blazing. The two of you looked at each other challenging, almost fighting for dominance. Finally, after a few moments, Nobunaga smirked at you and then decided to make you the castle new Chatelaine. You couldn’t help the corners of your mouth curling up into a small smile.

You had been so focused on Nobunaga that you had forgotten you were in a room filled with warlords. Who now were each started teasing you in their own way, for being so feisty. Well, all except Hideyoshi. This boy was fuming, if looks could kill you would be dead ten times over. Nobunaga now stood in front of you and started twirling a strand of your hair between his fingers. Hideyoshi finally snapped when you “playfully” swatted Nobunaga’s hand away. Hideyoshi drew his sword and had it at your throat, spitting out threats. What he didn’t expect was that you would stand up for yourself and bark out some warnings of your own. TBH Masamune and Ieyasu had to pull the two of you apart cause things were escalating a little too fast. Nobunaga watched the whole scene unfold, wearing the most delightful grin. He could tell that the fireball which he had stumbled on was going to be a lot of fun

You literally challenged Nobunaga every chance you could get. Mind you not that it was intentional, it’s just you hated having someone tell you what to do. You worked in your own time and at your own pace. Somedays, you would clean the castle and stay up late in the night to perform your duties, while other days, you would be up at the crack of dawn delivering messages. You basically got scolded every day by Mamayoshi for not following the set routine. Not that you cared; you honestly hated routine, and you wanted to do things when you felt like doing them. After a while, the people of Azuchi got used to your strange way of thinking and working. No one could fault you on your work or performance as often it was to such a good standard, that you would put those around you to shame. 

You had slowing started making friends with the Oda warlords, and was even invited to their manors for tea on occasion. Nobunaga was especially fond of you. Since working as Chatelaine, you had brought a different kind of energy into the castle, and his sights were now set on you. He summoned you to his room as he does, and before he could use that classic come to bed with me line, you spotted his Go board and pieces. You smiled at him and challenged him to a game. Even though you lost your competitive nature, pushed you to challenge him to a rematch, and so your weekly tournaments of Go started. The two of you got to know each other pretty well through these Go games, and you had low key come to enjoy Nobunaga’s company.

One day you were chilling in war council as you do, when Nobunaga announced that you were to join him on the battlefield to bring him luck and favor with the gods. Cue you literally refusing. “you will come along fireball, end of discussion,” “well, I refuse,” cue Hideyoshi losing his shit. At the end of the day, there was no getting out of the inevitable as you were now sitting on Nobunagas horse marching to the battleground. The two of you conversed in some light conversation, and you couldn’t help but feel yourself relax. Even though Nobunaga was stubborn and commanding at times, you still felt yourself drawn to him. You really enjoyed being challenged and the competitive banter the two of you would engage in at times.

Once you reach the campsite, you decided to take charge of the medical tent. The battle was underway, and you worked hard every day to patch up the injured. In the evenings, you would sit with the Oda force by the campfire and laugh at the funny stories they told.  As the battle progressed, things started looking worse and worse for the Oda forces; they were now facing two threats at the same time. You had only realized the severity of the situation when Mitsunari rode back to camp with his troop. He was severely injured and could barely stand up straight. His troops were now stuck without a commander to lead them into battle, and you truly knew how adverse the consequences of this were. You used to half and half-listen to battle strategies, and you knew Mitsunari played a vital role in the successful execution of these strategies, especially in this battle. 

You were determined and ready, you loved your new friend and would do anything for them. You always fancied taking up the leadership role, so you decided to hand over your duties as head doctor/nurse and mounted up onto Mitsunaris horse. You had already earned your title as princess and Mitsunaris people always adored you, so when you declared that you were going to lead them into battle, they were all too happy but to follow the fireball princess. You gave your best speech and battle cry and was now charging full speed onto the battlefield. You remembered from the many discussions that Mitsunari’s unit was Nobunaga’s backup. You rode, and your blood froze when you saw the sight in front of you. Nobunaga was heavily outnumbered and was also pretty severely injured. You wasted no time as you rode to join his unit, to even out the playing field, barking out orders and treating the whole ordeal like a game of chess or Go. The tide had turned, and thanks to you, and your fearless leadership, the advantage was now back with the Oda forces. The battle ended in the Oda’s being victorious.

You and Nobunaga rode back to camp, with the cheers of the army behind you. The second you got to camp, you commanded Nobunaga to come with you so you could patch him up. You could see the idiot was trying to hide his pain and injury from his troops. As you cleaned and bandaged the wound, you couldn’t help but feel your heartache a little, it hurt to see someone you love so much injured so badly. After you dressed his wound, the two of you now sat in silence. Nobunaga was the first to break it thanking you for your quick thinking and bravery. He had long ago fallen in love with you, and the concept of love, in general, was kind of new to him, so his words came out a bit clumsy. He cupped your cheeks and looked you dead in the eyes and finally confessed his love. You couldn’t help but chuckle a little at his clumsy words and a slight blush spread across his cheeks. You were but all too happy to return the feelings with a sweet kiss.

Since that day, you were known as the fearless princess, the goddess of victory, a true fireball, and lucky charm to all. Nobunaga honestly loved and adored you so much. He would shower you with affection from the moment the sun rises to the moment it set. He loved that you kept him on his toes and wasn’t afraid to challenge him. You were a truly amazing woman, and he had no problem proclaiming this to all he meets, he would often say that you are his queen, and equal ruling the world by his side.

The two of you can often be found simply spending time with one another. Nobunaga spends every moment of his free time with you. He loves to hold you in his arms and shower you with kisses. You really enjoy sitting on his lap with your head resting on his chest while he is working. During this time, you would usually just sit and read, occasionally dropping a small kiss on his jaw.

Other potential matches...................... Masamune

I hope you enjoyed it, love! And I hope you are staying safe and well! ❤🥰

[seekingthestars]

sarah watches the untamed: liveblogging adventures, part thirty the untamed boys

(aka: oh ho ho you thought we were done, did you? [she did too.])

uhhhh. yeah. oops? no one will care about these but i.love.them. so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

the untamed boys, ep 1:

ji li complaining about waiting forever lol

and cyc complaining about being hungry bc he had to wait so long for ji li XD

fanxing is like…not even paying attention, he’s just playing on his phone HAHAHA

ji li “how about THIS i’ll cut yu bin’s hair doing a handstand, i want to cut his yellow hair” he is truly chaos

yu bin and fanxing just lounging all over each other is adorable, i love this uncle and nephew

bowen LOL “bring it on, who cares.”

“Stop talking about me!” /ZOOMS AWAY — WHY IS FANXING SO CUTE I ADORE THIS MARSHMALLOW

fanxing pouting and clinging onto yu bin and yu bin just letting him and hugging him back, fanxing is a koala and stupidly adorable

ji li sliiiiiiding around XDD

“This is our cultivation process” JI LI ILU

jiyang’s FACE when he says he’s lost a lot of hair already fjeaoiwfjw

[ it’s time for Ji Li’s nonsense ] OH GOOD :D :D :D

“can you control your child please?!” NO BOWEN, NO ONE CAN CONTAN JI LI

JIYANG IS SO CUTE IN THE RECORDING STUDIO ;n;

jiyang in this pink and white striped sweater is Peak Softness

the choreographer being grumpy at fanxing makes me ;;;;;;;;;;;;;; yu bin going to pat him makes me ;u;

zfx saying he wanted to give up and pull out so he would stop dragging the rest down makes me ;AAAA;

when fanxing goes “i forgot my actions just now” and puts his hands to his head it is VERY cute but also i just wanna wrap him up in fifteen blankets and tuck him in bed and give him his preferred bedtime drink and tell him he’s doing amazing TINY BABY ;;

AWWWW they got a Halloween cake!!

you’re ALL doing great my lil beans, i proud of youuuu

the untamed boys, episode 2:

dammit all, xiao zhan is so pretty

GOD SONG JIYANG IS SO CUTE UGH

cyc with his hair all pinned up out of his face so he can get his makeup done is freaking adorable

zheng fanxing is so small and cute i will protect this bean

i appreciate that ji li’s jacket says “Maniac” on the back bc.....yeah. i know it’s part of the brand, but STILL. appropriate. such a good boy though, saying he wants to walk around and put everyone in good spirits for the show

fanxing eating his banana CUTIE

i love xiao zhan’s little hat omg

wyb “I don’t think you have ever beaten me before” LOL SASSY

BOWEN BREAKING THE LITTLE TOY CAR THING AND THEN JUST GIVING UP HAHAHA

xz talking about how hard his solo song is to sing but he does such a great job of it, i love his solo song ;~~~~;

good god yu bin saying they rehearsed for 13 hours and slept for like 1-2, how the heck were any of them alive enough to do the show dang

POOR LITTLE FANXING LOOKING SO LOST AND CONFUSED XD

ji li in the audience cute cute

yibo 😭❤️

jiyang’s fan dance!!!! i love jiyang’s fan dance!!!!

FANXING T______T he’s crying so much he’s shaking omg baby omg now i’m gonna cry ;;;;;;;;;;

cyc is so pretty ugh

god every time fanxing cries i just want to wrap him up in a million blankets and rub his back until he feels better

them all saying goodbye to their characters is so EMOTIONAL, and they’re all emotional and xz’s voice cracked and i lost it ;AAAAAAA;

xz and wyb closing it out, my heart ;~~~~~~;

the untamed boys, episode 3: I’m so freaking excited about this chaos oh my god

THE LITTLE FOX PIN THING ON ZANJIN’S SWEATER. CUUUUUTE. also i like that sweater, do want

they get in the van and ji li IMMEDIATELY starting his chaos by yelling at zanjin omg i am living

them pretending to see Disney omg they’re all so dumb

they look so COOOOLD little penguins

fanxing shielding zanjin’s eyes from the sun like the sweet little bb he is

yu bin with his famous poem he’s such a DORK

fanxing time! “i think the boxes are where our staff is” LOL big brain energy from the small boy

ji li and zzj together!

DUMB AND DUMBER BROTHERS “We 2 are crazy” AT LEAST YOU ADMIT IT HAHAHAHA

FINALLY!!!!!! THE LINE!!!!!! “I DON’T FEEL LIKE USING MY BRAIN OUT HERE TODAY!” ZANJIN, IT IS ICONIC

Bowen’s little baby hop to reach the box fjewiaofawe he’s so TALL

“Why!!!!” omg he’s found two and can’t get anything open XDDD

YU BIN’S CACKLE WHEN HE FOUND THE BOX HAHAHAHA and he got it open! such an easy question, he’s so pleased hahaha

“Wow this game really makes people confused” poor Bowen with the empty brain XD “WHAT.” “HOW MANY CHICKENS DID HE STEAL.” i’m dying HAHAHAHA

fanxing found a box!! so smart, this one, he has much knowledge

JI LI AND ZZJ TRYING TO CLIMB THE POLE OMG DUMB DUMB DUMB

oh my god cyc and he peng tormenting ji li and zanjin is hysterical, they’re so chaotic

YU BIN’S DUMBASS LAUGHTER FJEIOWFJWE

ji li changing what was in the box L O L and STUFFING THE CLUE IN HIS SHOE L O L

bowen is so sweet “i need to hurry up and find a box for fanxing!!!!!” but fanXING ALREADY HAS ONE XD

oh nooo zanjin found a box but it’s the one fanxing already opened XDD

CYC’S DUMB LAUGH OMG

FANXING’S VOICE IS SO SOFT every time he speaks i’m just like FJEWIOF WAIT

he is a BABY

calling fanxing “little a-yuan” look i am weak and i am soft

i love how so far everyone’s been eliminated for just attacking the wrong person lol their web of lies and deception is so deep

why is yu bin stroking bowen’s face lol

omg it’s yu bin’s gross marshmallow time

did they just stick entire unpeeled bananas on the grill 

ji li singing XDDD

yu bin using the eggplant as a mic for bowen XD

cute bunch of boys c:

the untamed boys, episode 4:

(How drop-dead gorgeous they are!) -- Correct caption is very correct

ALL HUDDLED TOGETHER LIKE LITTLE PENGUINS AGAIN :D

“Can we have something to eat inside?” “Or anything to drink~?” PLS JIYANG AND FANXING TOO CUTE

LOL THIS FACE JIYANG

JI LI’S “NO~”

cyc: “HE LIKES SLEEPING NAKED” fanxing: slowly covers ears  XDDDDD

yu bin’s guess of “he talks with a doll before going to sleep” omg i’m dying

jiyang’s like “when did i act cute” and then poUTS AT THE CAMERA fjewioafjawe

them guessing all of jiyang’s before he can even pick a person LOLOL

ji li going “yu bin sent me a message once and i replied 14 days later” LOL I RELATE i have legit done that, not on purpose, i just forget, i’m really bad at forgetting to reply if i don’t see the message/notification constantly, i have goldfish memory

ji li “I quit, I don’t wanna compliment him anymore” XDDDD

fanxing is so small and cute pls he’s like four someone get him a juice box

jiyang, bowen, yu bin VS fanxing, ji li, yuchen!

YUCHEN DANG but also fanxing going “OHHH!!!” and clapping and hopping along in excitement jfeiowafw

fanxing with the big paw gloves omg

yuchen is so good at this

ji li: “it hurts!!” fanxing: runs up to him and cups ji li’s cheeks in his giant paw gloves all concerned SO. CUTE.

them all being dumb and dancing around during halftime fjeiowaf

fanxing sneaking a snack in XD

fanxing trying to grab the ball and just falling over with it PLS SOMEONE PROTECT HIM HE IS SO SMALL

cyc and ji li are both surprisingly good at this, esp. cyc

and then he whacked ji li in the face feioawjfawe POOR JI LI

yu bin’s hat falls off “THIS IS MY LIFE WHICH CAN’T BE LOST” XD

the untamed boys, episode 5: dinner party time! /chants WZC WZC WZC :D :D :D

WZC WZC!!!!!! “I’m just hungry” LOL

AND GUO CHENG!! :D

nom nom eat up hungry boys!!

ohhhh everyone got hidden tasks oh fun!

yu bin just singing omg fjiewoafjwaeo; XDD

everyone in this cast in their own brand of chaotic, it’s so great 

the interview part with cyc in that suit and those glasses HEART EYES

jiyang’s drawing is cute!

wzc about yu bin: “he’s the fish who loves singing in my heart!” XDDD

yu bin’s scribbles of ji li BLESS IT “I usually don’t get what he means, just like this drawing that’s not understandable.”

“what about the lost arm????” “HE DID LOSE IT AT THE END!!!!!!” ilovejili

omg they’re gonna be baristas omg so CUTE, the coffee shop AU of everyone’s dreams thank you 🙏

ji li’s face when he tries the drink HE made XDDD and fanxing consistently refusing to try it XD

fanxing and yu bin duo is the CUTEST and fanxing’s constant little pouty faces when they can’t get anyone to agree to coffee jfieowajfawe

ji li and yi zhou are doing no better XDD 

bowen seeing the puppy and immediately stopping what he’s doing to run after it screaming “OHHHH!!!!!” is such a mood

bowen is so chaotic, chasing puppies, screaming at people in boats XD

fanxing chasing down the foreigner omg lol

they made such a mess of the cup lol but they’re so CUTE i would forgive them if they were my baristas

nie bros got a customer!

“I’m the wiiiiiinner, sorry!” JI LI THAT WAS STUPIDLY CUTE SHUT UP

“What winner, you’re the waiter.” LOLOLOL YU BIN

BOWEN GIVING HIS COAT TO THE GUY HAHAHA

literally the coffee shop of my dreams, pls, all the cute waiters

yu bin just swooping over and shoving ji li out of the way to talk to the lady XDD

fanxing talking to the lady washing dishes and about his mom and all the part time jobs he had and he is such a soft sweet little bean

and we did it! that’s a wrap on The Untamed Boys! (er, the show anyway lol) that was fun, I enjoyed myself and laughed a lot bc they’re dumb and adorable :’)

[pandemicthestory]

6: hooked

Is Isabel in danger?

With her lying there like a drugged out rag doll, it’s hard to tell. Heartbeat, breathing, she’s definitely alive...but then, why can’t she hear Emma? Something’s telling Emma not to touch the headset--no matter what’s going on with Isabel’s body, her mind is in there somewhere. And according to every movie ever, you don’t fuck with the brain. 

Emma scrambles to check out the packaging--no return address. But obviously, she knows who had to have sent this. And he knows about Universe, so he better have answers. 

Emma makes a mad dash to her bedroom. Her dad calls from downstairs.

“Did you get the package?”

“YEAH IT WAS A T-SHIRT”

A t-shirt? What? Her bullshitting skills are slipping. It doesn’t matter, her dad doesn’t actually care anyway, it’s just part of his new “I’m invested” routine. Emma slams her bedroom door behind her, then runs over to her computer. 

EMMA: Mason are you there?? 

EMMA: Hello?

EMMA: I think my sister is in trouble 

EMMA: She stole the headset, she started playing the game, she’s not responding to me, I’m massively freaking out if you can’t tell

EMMA: I’m sorry to ask this but did you...do something?

Who knows what this ghost person is capable of. Whatever connection she and he may or may not have...she doesn’t actually know him at all. 

She waits.  

Oddly, there’s nothing. Hadn’t he just told her about the package fifteen minutes ago? Where could he have gone? Emma slumps down in her chair. 

Why is it that men always disappear when they are needed most?

* * *

24 HOURS EARLIER 

A teenage boy is taking a shower in a minimalistic stall. He bows his head toward the showerhead, the powerful stream sends his wavy black hair in all directions. The boy makes the water hotter. And hotter. The skin on his neck is turning a deep shade of red, but it’s unclear if he can even feel it.

“Night, hurry the hell up. I gotta shower too.” 

The complaining breaks the peace of the showering boy. He turns off the faucet, wraps himself in a pristine white bath towel, and makes way for his roommate to take over. 

“Why d’you shower so much, man? Shit’s creepy.” 

“That’s why I do it, Sugar, to creep you out. Keeps you on your toes.”

Sugar laughs to himself and turns on the shower. The boy called Night stares at himself in the square, chrome mirror. The bathroom looks like it belongs in a very luxurious prison. 

“We getting food before class?” Sugar calls from the shower. 

“Sure, whatever.” Night exits the bathroom into an expansive bedroom with two king-sized beds. The curtains are shut, so the only source of light is a single bulb radiating from the ceiling. Night grabs a pair of deep blue linen pants and a matching button-up shirt from one of the closets and gets dressed. 

This room is pretty clearly divided, one side being far more chaotic than the other. There are desks on either side: one desk is covered in clothes, dirty towels, food wrappers, and an empty fish tank. Oddly, it had never contained a fish. The other desk has only a desktop computer and tiny, struggling plant growing out of a mason jar. This is the desk Night sits down at. He powers on his computer. 

“Yo, you ready?” Sugar calls from inside the bathroom. 

Night groans, then shuts his computer off before it can boot up. “Yeah.” 

Night and Sugar head down a wide staircase that empties into an enormous hall, swimming with other young people wearing the same linen suits that they are. Not all are blue, some are red, a few are green (including Sugar’s), and only a couple of them are black. 

The hall is lined with various food vendors, there’s a range of cuisine--nearly any option imaginable. The counters are fast, so despite the crowd, there are no lines. Everyone pays by tapping their phones. 

“Kinda feeling like a sushi situation today, what d’you think?” Sugar asks, very obviously checking out two girls grabbing soy sauce from the counter. 

“Why are you looking at those girls?”

“Uh, why would I NOT be looking at them? The hell is wrong with you?”

Night says earnestly, “Oh, I get it now that you want to--”

“--ALRIGHT great.” Sugar shakes his head. “Dude, listen. I’m glad we’re roomin’ together. In fact I even like you a lil bit. Not in that way. You know what I mean. Anyway. I think you’re cool. But I also think you’re a damn freak.” 

Night tries not to laugh. “Is that all?”

“Yeah it is. Now let’s get some fuckin maki.” 

* * * 

Night is trying to stay awake in class, but he’s finding it impossible to care about this kid’s presentation on the code he wrote over the weekend. This class simply could not be more boring. Why can’t he be studying something useful? Another language? Or music? These computer skills are just not practical. No one needs them. 

But boredom is not the only reason Night can’t stay awake in class. It’s also because he doesn’t put forth much effort to sleep at night. Once the sun goes down, Night begins to read. Typically not books, but articles on the internet. Hours pass, he scours the web for information, and his pale eyes melt into the screen. 

“Night, wake up.” 

Night opens his eyes and takes a startled breath. He’s alone in the classroom with his teacher. An older woman, dressed in a smart but relaxed white linen suit. She looks disappointed, and slightly concerned.  

“What happened?” 

“You fell asleep. And then class ended. And you still didn’t move. So here we are.”

“I’m sorry. I was just so disinterested in what was going on. I couldn’t bring myself to pay attention, it was boredom that made me pass out.” Night says this very earnestly, unaware that it’s fairly insulting.

Teacher smiles and nods. She knows Night lives on another planet, and she expects things like this. He’s very bright, but also extremely strange. He seems to have a good heart, but it’s also hard to judge hearts since they’re invisible and not actually related to emotion. She keeps an eye on him.  

“I’m a bit worried about you, Night. I want you to graduate the year with enough knowledge to start building.” 

“Eh, well, you shouldn’t worry about me, Teacher. What we learned this week...I taught myself when I was ten.” 

Teacher laughs. He kinda laughs too. 

She asks, “Will you do something for me?”

“I don’t know.”

She takes a deep breath, thinking. 

“I want you to take your presentation very seriously. I want you to “wow” me. Show your classmates how brilliant you are. I know that you can.”

Night stares, thoughtfully. All his life, his actions have been motivated by an internal compass that he cannot understand or explain. He has always done what he wants, has always says what’s on his mind. Often he’s wrong, and sometimes controversial, but the people around him know him well enough to know that he doesn’t mean it. Most people, anyway. 

While people have allowed the tall, starry-eyed ghost boy to wander and act impulsively wherever he goes (because it’s easier not to question it), he still struggles with being abnormal. He wonders if the reason he can’t sleep at night is because nighttime is the only time that he can detach himself from the people around him. When he can be alone, and feel normal, and imagine different ways of living. 

What if he doesn’t want to build next year?

Maybe there’s a way for him to prove that he can contribute something else.

* * * 

It’s evening, the school day is over. 

Back at their room, Sugar tosses his backpack on top of the pile of junk on his desk. He flings himself onto his bed and immediately starts playing an obnoxiously loud game on his phone. Night is on his computer, writing. Sugar calls out, without moving. 

“Man, what are you doing? Homework? It’s Friday dude.” 

“I’m actually writing you a letter about how much I love you.”

Night’s signature deadpan is so dead that it’s undetectable to the naked eye. Sugar chortles and throws a pillow at Night’s head. He ducks. 

“Dear Sugar, I am deeply enchanted by what a crusty slob you are. Piles of garbage are hot. Call me.” 

“Yo you don’t even understand that I legit get that shit all the time. Those girls today were thinking it.” 

“Oh I don’t doubt it.” Night smirks, Sugar laughs. 

“You’re fuckin weird man.” 

Sugar flips over, texting. Night continues to scroll and type, endlessly. He checks the time again and again. Based on the pandemic...on everything that’s going on...he has calculated that it will happen tonight. He sends an email. He taps his fingers.

“Well I’ma go out. Diamond’s havin’ a party or somethin. You in?” 

Night doesn’t look away from the screen. “Nah, you go on ahead. Have fun.”

Sugar playfully caresses Night’s hair. “You want me to tell Diamond you said hello? I’m sure she...”

Night suddenly looks serious. “Please don’t.” Sugar laughs. 

“Chill dude. Peace.” He leaves.

And with perfect timing.

*ping*  

He receives a message. He takes a deep breath. 

So many late nights of reading, studying, preparing. This message is what he’s been waiting for. 

ADMIN_E: How am I supposed to find you if I don’t know who you are?

Night smiles to himself. Sometimes he can’t read people at all. Sometimes he can read them with incredible clarity. Right now, he can already tell that this girl won’t stop until she finds him.  

He chats with her, back and forth. ADMIN_E and GUEST55. 

*buzz* 

Night looks down at his phone, which doesn’t vibrate often... 

“Julian” 

Except when she gets “certain” texts. Shit. Not good timing.

GUEST55: don’t answer that. He can wait 

Emma ignores Julian. Good. Jesus, what does she see in that nightmare of a human? 

Oh no, wait, it seems like she’s getting scared. Night doesn’t want to scare her. That’s not part of the plan. 

ADMIN_E: ok now you’re starting to scare me. What the hell is going on? Are you watching me?

GUEST55: no, no...Emma, I promise i’ll explain everything. Just not yet 

Night truly doesn’t care what any single person thinks of him. He lives in his own world, where the judgments of others don’t exist. So why is it that suddenly, when it comes to a girl he’s never actually met, he’s starting to care? Is that what this is? Well, he just knows that he doesn’t want her to be afraid of him. 

But he doesn’t want to get ahead of himself either... She has the map now. The rest will come. 

GUEST55: I’ll see you soon Emma.

 ADMIN_E: See you, um, well see you

Strangely, he wants her to know his name. Some piece of her. It’s not that he’s afraid of exposing himself…it’s that he won’t just have to explain his own name, but the names of so many others, and so much more...she’ll have to wait. 

He hesitates, looking around the dark room. His eyes land on the glass jar on his desk. Hm. The little plant does look so unnatural in this world.

GUEST55: my name is Mason. I want you to know that.

Mason. Well, it will have to work for now. 

Night signs out. He walks over to the window, completing his nightly ritual of dragging the tall curtains open.

And then the extraordinary moonlight floods the room like a searchlight beam.  

Outside his window, there is a city that looks nothing like any city we’ve ever seen in the natural world. Roads are raised, buildings are holographic, animated advertisements encircle all infrastructure. The moon is enormous, but there is not a single star. 

Night stares up at the dark sky, after which he was named. Maybe soon she’d be staring at the same one.

[theboyz-engup]

To All The Boyz I’ve Loved Before; Letter Six

Summary- It was wonderful what a few little letters could do; they could make or break a friendship, cause someone to laugh or smile, make someone remember the time of their life or that moment they wanted to forget. Just some words on paper and poof, everyone knew the way your heart beat and workings of your brain. High school really did wonders on you, as did those twelve boys. Maybe they didn’t know it, but they changed your whole life with each smile, each wave, and each word you typed into paper. You made them permanent, and now they had to know why.

Word Count- 8.8k

a/n: i legit cannot believe i’m halfway through this story hnngghfgjd i hope you guys all enjoy this, thank you all for sticking with me through it xx

Previous Letter - Next Letter

Coming home to an empty house wasn’t necessarily surprising at this point but the disappointment in his chest didn’t go away. He’d specifically told his parents that this was his only week off and he would be home only for a while if they wanted to see him and still, nothing. He should’ve figured from the train station when neither of them had come to pick him up but, as it turns out, he never learns.

Frowning, Jaehyun knocked his shoes off and placed them to the side, listening for the sound of Honey but realizing she wasn’t here either. He missed her too, almost most of all, and of course they’d taken her too. Bitterly, he made his way to the kitchen and found a few letters stacked up on the counter. Reading the note left by him mom about making his own dinner, he sighed and scoured through the rest of the mail if some was his. Catching his name in typewriter print, he felt a bit excited and, as he walked over to the freezer for some easily made food, he began his read.

Dear Lee Jaehyun,

What you’re about to read has been the best part of my grade ten year. I hope you aren’t upset by the fact that you’re what made it so great.

Early February, 2016

“Did you guys hear?” Amalia was loud, as usual, but this time with something urgent on her lips. She rushed into your little study room, flinging her bag off her back and plopping it on the table with a rush of words following her. As she took out her books and sat down, she rambled, “there was a robbery earlier this morning. Apparently, they hit like four houses down your street, y/n. It’s super weird and dangerous for down here since we all like know each other. I can’t even imagine-”

“Did you just say near y/n’s house?” Shankeri sat up in her seat, taking her boots off the table and suddenly becoming serious.

Amalia nodded, though she didn’t seem worried. “Yeah like a few houses up from her. Police and stuff came before they could loot more so you’re safe but yeah.”

“You sound insane,” Sunwoo stated, not looking up from his paper. He’d taken to keeping his hat on around school, hood on over it and withdrawing into his paper and pen for some quality lyrics. Jace smacked the board Sunwoo had in hand, looking serious as well.

“How are you so calm right now?”

Sunwoo shrugged, pointing the end of his pen at you. Before he returned to his work, he gave Jace a bitter look and muttered, “do you see y/n freaking out? No? Then why should you?”

“Y/n wouldn’t scream if they were about to get hit by a bus,” Amalia hummed, countering Sunwoo. “Their fight or flight instinct doesn’t work. It’s just freeze.”

You had to admit she was right there. You would hardly ever scream, recalling how hard it was to imitate a scream when you were doing a play in grade four. The thought made you cringe and you retreated back to your work.

“Well, it’s no big deal,” you started, picking up your pencil to stare at some numbers that made absolutely no sense to you, “as long as I still have my fridge and microwave, I think I’m good.”

“See,” Sunwoo chimed, drawing the word out. “Now hush, I’m trying to think.”

Hyunjoon from across your little table met your eyes as you looked around. He was the only one who noticed, and he gave you a little smile.

As much as you pretended you were okay with it, the thought of a crime happening in your neighbourhood- so close to you, really- it scared you a lot. You wanted some support or just someone to walk home with you and stay so you wouldn’t be alone. You doubted a robbery would happen again, there were police staggered up and down the streets surrounding your house but you couldn’t help but feel like something ominous was about to happen. It was like there was this ghost floating just paces behind you and you couldn’t see it but you could feel it. That night, luckily, everyone was home. Tomorrow was another issue, seeing as Haymond had an away game for the weekend and your parents needed to visit someone in the city.

Amalia took long strides beside you as you travelled from class to the cafeteria. Her fingers were in the loops of her backpack and she was wearing more makeup than her usual eyebrows and lashes. Her lips pouted out as she spoke, genuinely upset.

“My parents said I’m not allowed to keep you company this weekend while your parents and Haymond are away. They offered for you to come over but my sister’s allergic to dogs.”

Linking arms with her, you only shrugged, trying to play it cool. “That’s fine.”

Panic set in soon after as you realized nobody else was available this weekend. Sunwoo was in the city, far away and training this weekend. Hyunjoon was out for his grandmother’s birthday, and Jace and Shankeri weren’t your closest friends. You could’ve asked them but felt like that was probably more awkward than being alone.

Slowly, on your walk home, you began to realize you really didn’t have any other option. You trusted him, he took care of your dog, he was nice. You went on walks together often enough and texted sometimes. Your mum had even ordered you and Haymond over to dinner with him whenever his parents weren’t home and she wanted a nice date night with dad. It wasn’t the worst idea you had, you admitted; but, maybe if your parents hadn’t left by the time you got home, you could change your mind. Doing some homework on the road wouldn’t be so bad.

Steadily, you rounded the corner to your street and squinted to see further, hoping to see your car in your driveway. There was no such luck and your great idea turned sour in your mouth. You liked Jaehyun, you did, it was just that this was supposed to be a different kind of weekend. You were supposed to relax and study for your classes with Amalia, paint each other’s nails, watch romantic comedies and then break into Haymond’s room and play his video games. Now, you would spend it being entirely nervous but not out of fear; Jaehyun just made you nervous with each look he gave you and each smile. He made your stomach tie in knots and it was so hard to untangle them the more you got to know him. He went from being this quiet and observant boy to a loud and boisterous man, someone who would text you over and over just to pay attention to him and then leave you on read whenever he was busy.

He was so weird and complex and yet, so fun and happy when you caught him on his good days. Sometimes he got really upset though and he caved into himself. He would become so quiet not because he was reading his crowd but because he wasn’t even there. He was thinking and forming a mass of nervousness and self doubt in the pit of his heart. You never knew what to say to him when he got like that, this man who was three years older than you was still just so fragile. Maybe he’s afraid of being alone too, you thought, taking your phone out of your pocket once you got inside and sending him a quick text. It was just a hello but you hoped it would warrant a response.

After a few hours, you figured it wasn’t. You sent one more and then two and then five more messages, all saying the same thing- all just saying hello. The moment you were about to send another, just as the sun dipped over the hill and darkness was holding the world still, your phone rang. The picture of him and your dog showed up, the one you used for his contact photo, with two little buttons for ignoring or answering the call. Quickly, you swiped and brought your phone up to your ear.

You didn’t even have time to say hello. He just went straight into his sentence, deadpanning, “you know, I’ve figured out that if you just stop responding to people then they stop texting.”

Not knowing what to say, you simply stood silent, mouth opening and closing but finding no air for words. Jaehyun didn’t have a problem continuing his thought, voice lighter and more teasing.

“You’re clearly an exception. What’s up, why did you spam me?”

The idea of you hearing your request out loud made your throat swell. Did it sound like you were asking him over because you wanted something from him? You just wanted company- not to be alone and sleep easy knowing someone else would also be there to protect you against the imaginary burglar that could show up. He didn’t even have to interact with you, in fact, you’d prefer it that way. You could just be in the same house and that was enough.

“C- can you like come over or something?” The question took a bit of effort but you made it out. Your eyes were on the ground, watching your feet carry you from tile to tile in your kitchen. The silence made you anxious and you were so close to explaining yourself but decided against it. If he took it the wrong way, that was his fault.

All he did was hang up, the dial tone loud in your ear. With your lips parted, you took your phone from your ear and looked at it. The audacity, you thought, absolutely beside yourself. Jaehyun, the person who’d told you to always call him if you needed something, had just ignored your request. To be fair, he said that with reference to Barly but still, it hurt your feelings.

Barly rounded the corner, his collar creating small chimes as he came closer and closer. He looked up at you in the kitchen and then sat, expectant. You would’ve forgotten to feed him if he hadn’t come to see you, tilting his head towards his food bin.

“Right, I’ll get some dinner for us both, yeah?”

Slowly, you worked around the kitchen and got the meal your mom had written out for Barly. He needed to lose some weight so he was on a strict diet for now and your parent shad been careful enough to list exactly what was needed for each meal and tape it onto the fridge for you to see. As you set the bowl down, telling Barly to wait, you murmured, “guess it’s just me and you tonight.”

He barked in response and you took it as a sign of solidarity. If anything, you could watch some bad movies together. Sure, you wouldn’t have anyone to direct your comments at but it would still feel like you weren’t alone.

“Here you go, buddy,” you hummed before a grown slipped past your teeth. Why did it hurt so much just to bend over. As you walked towards your door to put your extra lock on, rubbing the small of your back, you heard Barly bark again.

He didn’t like to bark and hardly did so it was an odd occurrence. Despite yourself, a chill creeped under your skin and you hurried to your door, knowing the extra lock would give you peace of mind, though the fear wouldn’t really go away. Barly followed after you and got there first, sitting quietly. His tail wagged back and forth slowly and then, one final bark. You couldn’t help yourself and you ran to the door, really just wanting that one final lock on but-

A shriek slipped past your lips and you nearly fell over, your eyes trained on a shadow that appeared before the window of your door. A soft knock fell through and the figure became slightly recognizable, though you didn’t really believe it. Barly came over to you, knocking his nose against your leg almost as if to ask if you were okay.

Jaehyun’s voice followed suit, coming through the door. “Y/n? Did you just scream, what’s wrong?”

“Lee Jaehyun!” you nearly yelled, rushing to the door and ripping it open to be faced with such a casual looking boy. He was wearing joggers and a pair of sneakers with the thinnest hoodie on. A little cap was atop his head and, over his shoulder, he’d strung a bag and a windbreaker.

“You scared the living crap out of me,” you said rather loudly, though your voice shook and wavered near the end of your sentence. His pouted lips formed themselves into a smile as he looked down at you and laughed lightly.

“How? By showing up when you asked me to?”

Puffing your cheeks up, you tried to think of a response but he was right. You did ask for him to come over and he did as was told, only he didn’t tell you he was coming. With a great big sigh, you let him know that he could’ve said he was coming over instead of hanging up because then you wouldn’t have been so worried. Jaehyun was much too preoccupied though, having come in and squatting to rub at Barly’s ears.

“Who’s a good boy? You, yes, you,” he crooned, using his baby voice quietly. When he grinned, his eyes became long and nearly closed, matching Barly’s eyes as he moved his head into Jae’s hands. His lips came forwards as he made ridiculous sounds at your dog, acting so sweet with him. Barly was a second away from falling in love when you called him over to finish his dinner. Swiftly, he left Jaehyun’s hands to come and rub his head under one of yours and then went to his food.

Jaehyun, abandoned, was now forced to take his shoes off and borrow one of your dad’s pairs of slippers, seeing as Haymond’s didn’t fit him. As he got settled in, he asked teasingly, “are you jealous because your dog likes me better? Hmm?”

“He does not,” you protested, crossing your arms as Jae made his way to your living room. He was now holding his bag straight, looking around the place before settling on you.

“I’ll prove it tomorrow,” he seemed to promise. There was something about his eyes that made it feel like he was the son of Hermes. They flashed and glittered like he had secrets and jokes hidden in unorganized piles of papers. Sometimes, you could swear he had figures dancing across them, like he was telling a great story without saying much of anything.

“So,” he started, clearly excited but equally exhausted, “where am I sleeping?”

Leaving Jaehyun to get settled in the living room let you have some time alone for the time being. He promised he’d stay only if you watched movies with him and made him some popcorn. About three times in your little negotiation, he threatened to leave but he was already so comfortable on the couch. The blanket that was thrown over an arm of your sofa was hanging off his shoulders as you played rock, paper, scissors to decide on your final terms, which was the flavour of popcorn. Luckily, it landed on plain popcorn and, while he got ready for movie night, you went to get ready for bed.

You took a shower and got changed, even washed your face and primed it for a face mask, which you were going to force Hyun to do with you. Grinning as you walked downstairs in your winter pyjamas, just a pair of long, plaid pants, and a long sleeved shirt of your father’s, you caught sight of Hyun changing and paused. Dashing back up the few steps so he was out of sight, you whined quietly to yourself, hating the way your heart raced at seeing his shoulder blade. You mean, really? Who cares about a shoulder? You had a shoulder and nobody fawned over yours.

Shaking your head quickly, wishing for the nervousness to disappear and trying hard to manually shove it down your throat, you finished your walk down the stairs. He was now just sitting on the couch, eyes on the television screen and flipping through channels. He perked up seeing you, eyebrows raising and eyes settling on you. He looked so soft, hair now settled so it dared to fall into his eyes and clothes just the slightest bit bigger than they should be to fit. He looked like he had rushed to pack which, honestly, you figured he probably did. He wasn’t wearing the most flattering clothes and yet, he still managed to make you feel all knotted up.

“I brought face masks,” you mused, lifting them up in the air. Hyun clapped, the remote between his hands as he did so.

“Popcorn?” His ears perked up almost as if he were a dog himself, legs crossed and chest leaning forwards expectantly.

“After,” you drew out, sitting on the couch beside him and handing him the one labelled ‘pore control’. Clicking his tongue, he gaped at you as he read the description and tapped your shoulder.

“Excuse me!”

The laugh that slipped past your teeth was calming enough, even though he did complain as he took his out of the sleeve. You were putting yours on without a mirror so you hoped it would turn out fine, your hands smoothing over the bubbles you felt on your cheeks.

“But it’s necessary, have you seen your pores? So open,” you giggled, animated as you explained to him why he was getting his mask. He looked at you incredulous and with his lips parted like a fish’s out of water.

“Okay, I repeat, excuse me, I have great skin, thank you very much,” he huffed, trying hard to put the mask on without his hair getting in the way. He was bending forwards, figuring that gravity would be enough to get his hair out of the way and he wasn’t necessarily wrong. You were chuckling lightly, watching him struggle as you turned the hair tie you had round your wrist around and around.

“You’re just jealous,” he finished, giving up and letting his hair fall on the damp mask.

“No,” you hummed, looking down at your hair tie and deciding to be nice as you beckoned him forwards. “I’m sorry you can’t admit the truth, Hyun.”

His eyes watched you as you got on your knees, hoping the extra height would help you tie a better knot to keep his bangs out of the way. Your fingers grasped as much hair as possible and you tied a knot carefully so that it wouldn’t hurt him but also so he would look like a little pineapple sprout.

Giggling as you pulled away, you sat back down on your legs and announced, “there. You look perfect.”

“I hate it when you laugh like that,” he said worriedly, bringing up his phone to check what he looked like in his camera, “that always means you did something ev- y/n!”

“Take the picture,” you demanded, getting in so your face was in the frame and making a silly face. He took the picture with him looking stern, though he did crack a smile at it after.

“Told you that you look great,” you chimed, sitting down in your spot next to him. You were cross legged with your hands placed in the hole in front of you and your smile was ridiculously easy. Jaehyun just looked at you and scoffed, though he was laughing himself.

Quietly, he reached out and fixed a part of your mask, smoothing out a bubble there before turning his gaze back to the screen.

“Now can we get popcorn?”

You had to pretend like the touch of his skin meant nothing to you as you nodded, suddenly silent as you paced to the kitchen. Unknowingly, you reached to cup the part of your mask he’d fixed and smiled to yourself. All the while, as the popcorn popped and the movie went on, your little smile never faded.

That night was so sweet. It was almost unimaginable that you would be this kind to me. I remember you looking up at me from your spot on the floor (which you said was more comfortable for you but I have my suspicions that you were just trying to make me more comfortable) and asking me so seriously why my parents left me at home that weekend. I don’t think I would’ve had it any other way. You were so nice to me but not because you had to be. You were just a kind person and it felt so good to just be myself with someone who wasn’t going to judge me. Even when I made stupid jokes, you would just look back at me and laugh as if you couldn’t believe I was real. You made me really happy that night and I held onto it for a while. I expect I’ll be holding on for a very long time.

Early March, 2016

“Hey, y/n,” Jaehyun called, shuffling past people in the hallways to catch up with you. Hardly hearing it, you tried to keep going forwards but Amalia stuck her foot out in front of you, stopping you in your tracks.

He was right behind you when you turned to face him and you had to stumble backwards so you weren’t craning your neck up to meet his gaze. Sunwoo’s little story was interrupted as Hyun began his speech, though he was really only talking to you.

With his hands pressing down on the straps of his bag, he asked, “can I take Barly out after school today?”

You blinked. He would usually text you to ask you this, seeing as your classes weren’t close to each others at all- and that he was a senior. There was no sound between you two, which seemed to go for too long since Amalia’s elbow poked your side. From the corner of your eye, you could see her staring you down, eyes wide as if to convey a message.

“Uh, uhh, yeah? Yes,” you decided on saying, snapping out of your head for a moment. Regretfully, you replayed your answer in your head and winced internally, hating the way you sounded. It was like your brain was made of air.

Peaking a smile, Jae straightened, clearly glad. As his face softened, he pushed another question. Somehow, it seemed so calculated, like he was gauging how and when he should say what. Is this what people called feeling someone out?

“Do you want to come with? I want to train Honey near the river and I think you could try it with Barly too. It could be fun.”

Once again, you had nothing to say. The whole situation was entirely overwhelming and you didn’t understand what he wanted. Why he was asking you this, where he wanted to go, why he wanted to go with you: all of it went over your head. All you knew was that your breath could hardly make it past your throat.

Noticing another quiet spell, Amalia took it upon herself to answer, confidently saying, “they’ll think about it and text you? We’re preparing for a test so they’re kind of out of it right now.”

Sunwoo nodded to that, though he didn’t seem quite interested in Jaehyun. His eyes were on your face, carefully drifting between you two. Picking up the ends of what Amalia said, you quickly added, “I’ll let you know. Promise.”

Jaehyun’s smile never wavered, though you noticed how a glitter in his eyes seemed to fall away. He nodded, saying he’d see you later, turned on his heel and walked away. Dumbfounded, you couldn’t move from your spot until Amalia nicked you in the side again. You were so lost in your head, wondering what exactly he meant to do with all of that. The interaction seemed stale and directed, like he came talking with a purpose but not a malicious one. Did he really want to hang out with you, without Haymond or your parents in the way? What his intentions were, you couldn’t even begin to imagine. Your final thought was that maybe… maybe he felt the same flutter in his heart when you tied his hair that you did when he fixed your face mask.

Thinking about it dared for heat to rush up your cheeks but you quickly pushed it down with the elbow in your side, trying to return to reality. Slowly, you looked up at your friend and murmured, “do we really have a test today?”

“N- no, you idiot.” Amalia began somewhat serious but broke into a giggle. With her arm strung around your shoulder, she turned you round and you continued on your way to the cafeteria. Sunwoo was unusually quiet.

“Think you’re going to go?”

“Why wouldn’t they?” Sunwoo spoke up, somewhat sullen but clearly trying to force his point. “Y/n’s been into him since they first moved in.”

“Hey,” you tried to protest, raising your voice the slightest but knowing you had no response. Then, quietly, you just nodded your head and said, “I mean, that’s not wrong.”

Amalia giggled, musing as she continued taking the group to your table where Hyunjoon was already waiting, “you don’t even know. He was all she talked about until she found Sangyeon. Do you remember that? No, never mind, we weren’t friends back then. Wow… time really flies, huh?”

And so, she continued rambling, letting people in for interjections but laughing loud and leading the conversation nonetheless. You loved seeing her like this, so carefree and happy. You wanted to really bask in it but in the back of your mind, all you could see was Jaehyun.

Apparently, he was all you would see for the next few months. You would go everywhere together, under the excuse of taking your dogs out for walks. Haymond joined often, saying he didn’t want to eat dinner at home or that Juyeon was busy, so it felt like it was the three of you against the world. Whenever work allowed it, or you were feeling particularly lazy, you’d knock on Haymond’s door and asked him if he wanted to come out with you and Barly. Hyun almost always followed, bringing Honey around. You would risk eating in dog parks or near the river as the weather warmed up. Soon, you felt like you had your own separate friend group. It was your school friends on the weekend but, on weekdays, it was your brother and Jaehyun. You had to admit, you rather loved it.

Your parents seemed to adore it too, happy you and Haymond were spending time together. They would see you two leaving together and beam at each other. It wasn’t that you and Haymond weren’t close before but hanging out together did seem weird at times. Except now, you were practically the same age. One year between you seemed to mean less and less. He wasn’t weird about your crushes and you could talk openly about more things. He didn’t really mind driving you around either, teaching you the ropes before you got your learner’s license.

It felt like being around Jaehyun gave you so many good things in your life besides his time and company. You felt yourself starting to become more of a person and less of a child. While you loved your friends, you wanted to be more mature. You wanted to be respected and to be seen as an equal to Haymond or even Jaehyun. Being with them taught you just slightly how to grow up, despite the fact that they were both absolutely insane when it was just the two of them. Though it wasn’t simple or expected, you were happier, and you couldn’t wait to tell Eric about every day that made you lighter.

“So, then we were walking along the river and Haymond was already covered in mud, like dripping, and Juyeon came along so he dared him to go into the water and as if on cue,” you giggled, harder now that you stopped to really replay the scene you were painting for Eric, “Bartholomew comes up behind Haymond and like pushes against his leg with his nose for Haym falls in.”

At this point, you’ve already given into laughing about the scene, it being the final stretch of a series of ridiculous stories you were subjecting Eric to. You were laid out flat on your bed, stomach down with a pillow underneath your chest as you spoke, absentmindedly scrolling through an app on your laptop. Eric’s chuckles came through, almost in perfect harmony with yours as he came around to responding.

“You sound like you’re actually having fun, y/n. It’s really nice.”

You hummed a note, nodding as you jokingly asked, “am I less sad and depressed, as you liked to put it?”

“To use the word lightly, yeah,” he mused before stopping for a bit. Once he figured out what he wanted to say, he was much softer. “When are we going to hang out again?”

You shrugged, feeling the way the air changed and frowning. “I don’t know.”

“I just- I have something to tell you, is all. I want to do it in person.”

Blinking, completely unknowing, you attempted to ask what it was but Haymond cut you off. With a brief knock, he swung your door open and motioned with his head to come downstairs. “We’re studying, right?”

“Oh, right, shoot,” you muttered, hating how sudden it had to be that you’d leave. Visibly pained, you tried to explain to Eric that you had to go but his usual lightness appeared in his voice again.

“It’s fine, I heard. Good luck on your exams!”

“You too!” you tried to say but the dead tone hit your ears faster. Pouting slightly, you put your phone down and did your usual groan as you got up. Collecting your books as Haymond spoke, you tried to be as quick as possible.

“Was that Eric?”

You nodded, wanting to tell him that Eric said he had something to tell you, but Haymond sighed. With his hands in his pockets and his back against the door, he fixed you with a serious look.

“You know he likes you, right?” The question stung your ears and you hated how matter-of-fact he made it sound. He had no idea what he was talking about and yet it made you give pause.

With your notebooks and textbooks piled in your arms, pencil case the cherry on top, you looked at him seriously and shook your head. “Don’t say that. You don’t know what you’re talking about. We’re-”

“Just friends,” he finished with you, mockingly as he beckoned for you to hurry up into the living room. He shut your door behind you and followed, casual as he spoke. “Well, don’t say I didn’t tell you.”

“Mom and dad aren’t home?” you asked, quick to change the subject as you made your way down the stairs and into the living room where you set up your books. Haymond’s were already laid out on his side of the coffee table and couch. All that was left was Jaehyun and the few other people who were invited to come over to study.

It was agreed upon from all parties that afterwards, when you all finished studying by eight p.m. latest, you were all going to sit down and chat or play games or something. It was meant to be a rather relaxed get-together but the part where it was just going to be you three: you anticipated that the most.

Jaehyun got there moments later and took up residence on the couch beside you, closest to the table. It was a sofa made for two so you were very close- so close you could reach out and link your fingers together. The thought crossed your mind once or twice as you studied away at math and science, both courses you needed Amalia here for the help you with. She was going to be late though, so you switched over to history in hopes that it wouldn’t be too heavy for you. Yet, Jaehyun’s face kept surfacing in your mind and you couldn’t help but steal glances at him.

“What’s that face for?” Jae asked, breaking the silence as he looked over at you.

Your hands shot up to cover your cheeks, pencil laid flat against your skin as you asked, “what face?”

Haymond gave you a look over and chuckled. As he spoke, he returned to twirling his highlighter between his fingers, eyes trained on his work. “You looked like you were daydreaming just second ago.”

“What are you studying?” Jaehyun asked, leaning over to look at your work. Your lack of notes was embarrassing and you were sure he noticed but made no comment. Instead, he looked over at the textbook you had open and let out a small sound. His lips were formed in a perfect circle.

“Trotsky, huh?” he prodded, giving you a small wink. “That’s the kind of man you dream about? Interesting.”

“W-what, no!”

Yet, the laughs had already ensued. He was making a little joke and you were glad for his attention, even if it was a little embarrassing. Deciding against protesting, you tried to work with it but got cut off by the doorbell ringing.

“That’s probably Juyeon,” Haymond groaned, getting up and stretching as he walked to the door. Jaehyun gave you another look, lips soft and turned upwards before he returned to his work. The more he smiled, the more you wanted to leave your work behind and just look at him. It was hard to imagine that he was really right there next to you, just a fraction of an inch away. If you wanted to reach out, you could. You could just take his hand in yours, maybe make his eyes see you only. Maybe-

“I bought iced coffee,” Juyeon proclaimed, looking proud as he set down the tray of four on your coffee table. Instantly, you were pulled out of your stupor and your attention was on another boy, one who looked please with himself for doing something small like getting some coffee. You gave him a wave and told him thank you. The rest of the night felt like a blur.

You may not know it or care but you’re the main feature of my grade ten year. You’re part of almost every fun memory I’ve had in this stupid town. You don’t even know how happy you made me just by doing nothing. I would feel so sad and alone when I was home but then, in an instant, as you came over with some snacks and movies, I was the happiest person alive. I enjoyed being with you so much, through my exam season, in the halls, or just across our lawns when we were both doing nothing but still together. No matter how spontaneous, I

 was happy but I felt so weird too because I just wanted to tell you. I felt so bad not telling you just how much I liked you. I liked you so much it created a ball in my chest and weighed me down. All I wanted was for you to notice how I really feel about you but there wasn’t any chance for me to say it- not that I ever would. You know more than anyone else how scared I am of these things.

Late June, 2016

Happy to be done with school, you and your friends promised to do many things. Yet, the moment exams ended, everyone was too exhausted to do much. You couldn’t blame them necessarily, you were rather sleepy too, it was just that you felt so restless. You wanted to do something, even if it was playing monopoly in your backyard or walking around senselessly but there was no such luck. So, there you were, lying face up on your bed and staring at your ceiling hoping something to do would come to mind.

In the middle of your deep thinking, your phone buzzed once on the nightstand beside your bed. Groaning, you reached behind you and felt around until your fingers grasped the cold metal. Bringing it forwards, you muttered about someone disturbing you and how it was so disrespectful until you saw Jaehyun’s text and immediately bounced up.

Jaehyun, 3:26p.m: open your window

Doing as you were told, you went and propped open the window, hearing the glass squeak as rubber brought it forwards. Leaning forwards and out of it slightly, you caught sight of him on his lawn and he waved.

“Wanna go somewhere?”

You didn’t hesitate to say yes.

Swiftly, you put on a pair of shorts and a long-sleeved shirt, noticing the discrepancy but not necessarily caring in the moment. Your heart was in your throat, pounding like crazy as you kicked your sock drawer closed and bounded down the stairs to get to your shoes. Hearing the commotion, Barly came to the front door with his tail wagging. He looked between you and his leash expectantly. With a quick thought, you reached for his leash, placed it on quickly and slipped your shoes on, ready to go. Jaehyun was sitting on your lawn now, Honey between his hands as he rubbed small circles behind her ears. At the sound of your door opening, he looked behind him and smiled. Quick to get up, he turned on his spot to meet you face on, looking particularly light. He never wore shorts but his pants were of material and fitted well. Just a plain white shirt crossed his midsection, waving in the wind and pressing against his chest to outline lean muscle.

“That was fast,” he noted, but you didn’t have much to say about it.

Looking down and spreading your arms unceremoniously, you asked, “is it good enough for whatever we’re doing?”

“Perfect,” he chimed. Then, he started on his way ahead of you, probably noticing how he stunted you and grinning about it as he walked. Holding onto Barly, who was just happy to be outside, you paused and then began your jog to catch up with him.

As you neared his side, he began to answer the question on your lips. “I wanted to show you the summer fair. It’s kind of small with no rides but all the local shops have little carts where you can get food, there’s cotton candy, vendors and stuff. It’s nice.”

“How long has it been going on for?”

He shrugged, looking up to think. When he squinted because of the high sun, you noticed the slight crinkles in his skin. “I think about five or six years? It’s not new but it’s not old; and definitely not a place lots of people our age go.”

“Why not?” you mumbled, thinking it sounded kind of fun. The sun was also getting in your eyes too, forcing you to squint just as hard.

Looking down at you, he leaned his head so his hair fell just a tad to the side. His eyes were as wide as he could manage and he smiled lightly. “It’s boring unless you know where to go and what to get.”

The second you got there, you understood what he meant. It was on the far side of town which meant the walk was long but it was very calm. He made it easy to talk to him about anything. He felt so akin to Eric sometimes, just in the way his presence seemed to wrap around you and make you feel safe. A few instances, you would bump shoulders and you swore you could see him get just a bit tongue-tied, losing track of his sentence or shifting his feet when you were waiting at a crosswalk; but he recovered well. Keeping his composure, he led you right to the middle of the fair and looked around.

You could only see food vendors and shops for various things like hats, jewelry, and anything small or portable. One place was selling henna tattoos and you were intrigued but Hyun tugged you away, chuckling a bit as he shook his head.

“No, no, that place is really not good for henna.”

“How would you know?” was the question that launched him into a story of how he got dared to get a whole back tattoo in henna and how it was horrible. “I cried myself to sleep that night, no joke,” he finished, though he was laughing as he spoke. You couldn’t help but giggle with him, poking fun at him out of disbelief but also admiration.

Once you got to the other side, the quieter side of the fair, Hyun exhaled and smiled. The only really big line you could see was one for a lemonade stand, which he insisted was the best place to get lemonade from.

“But I don’t like lemonade,” you murmured softly, to which he gave you a really incredulous look before shaking his head at you.

“Well, now you will,” he promised, seeming very intent.

“Can I walk around while you wait in line? I don’t think Honey and Barly will take to being still for so long,” you pointed out, reaching down to pat Barly’s head. The sun was still so high in the sky that even he seemed to be squinting as he lifted his head to reach your touch. Reluctantly, Jaehyun agreed but asked you to stay in this area.

“It’ll be hard to find you afterwards.”

Assuring him you wouldn’t stray too far, you went and started to look at a few shops. There were some games like whack-a-mole that you were interested in and you made mental note of where it was to come back to it. Hopefully it doesn’t cost too much, you thought to yourself before your eyes landed on a psychic’s tent. It was purple and had stars attached to it, with small coins hanging from fabric all around the entrance and skirt of the tent. Without knowing why, you felt drawn towards the place and made you way. Honey and Barly barked a bit but quickly settled down once they reached the tent, being allowed to come inside with you. As you parted the silken material, your nose was exposed to a heavy scent of some type of herb you couldn’t place.

“Welcome,” the woman said sweetly. She was frail and old, sitting at a brown table with a white cloth laced with purple fabric. You found yourself sitting down and looking at her seriously. Presented with playing cards, you were made to exchange something of yours to influence the cards. Then, once she’d given your small ring back to you, she beckoned for you to pick some and she read what they meant to you.

Most of it went over your head but one thing you remembered very vividly. It seemed to even be written on your face as you exited the tent, heaviness in the lines by your mouth. Jaehyun hurried up next to you, extending a hat to you.

“I got these because I couldn’t see you and thought it’s sunny so… hey. You okay?”

Blinking, you glanced up at him and pushed a smile. Though your mind was on her words, you didn’t want to think about it anymore, or worry him. It felt too real to be there but, for the most part, you never believed in stuff like that. You wanted to go in as a joke. Looking behind you, Hyun smiled.

“Did you talk to Lady Enya? She scares a lot of people.”

Wrapping your fingers around the hat, all you did was murmur thank you and nod. Then, slowly, you managed, “she said some freaky shit.”

“Do you believe it?” His question was serious but you could tell he wanted to keep things light. After a shrug of yours, he extended the large lemonade bottle and hummed, “okay well here, have some. It’ll make you feel better.”

Gasping, trying to make a joke as you regained your grip on reality, you mused, “that’s exactly what she said you’d say.”

Laughing, though somewhat nervous, Jae said, “shut up.”

“Oh my god, that too!”

You pointed at him while your free hand grasped the lemonade to have a sip. He began laughing now, noticing how your skin lit up and laughed. Leading you and the dogs away, you began to talk about whack-a-mole and left the situation behind you.

Once the sun started to get low in the sky, Hyun suggested going home. He mentioned something about exhausting all his resources and you immediately apologized, offering to pay him back but he shook his head no.

“I told you to come out, so it’s fine.” He looked confident in his answer. Immediately, you wanted to point out that this wasn’t a date but something stopped you. Even if he did invite you out, he didn’t have to pay.

Chewing on this, you fell slightly silent on the way home. He didn’t seem to mind it, not needing to say much either. Instead, he stopped and let Barly and Honey off their leashes, calling them back every few moments to train them off-leash. You paid attention to him and the dogs, being soft but firm. They seemed to really listen. You once heard that someone who loves animals has to be kind-hearted. Silently, you thought of how much warmth was within his heart and who could possibly abandon him.

Thinking of his parents leaving him home often made you hurt. You wondered how often he felt like he wasn’t enough. He would text you and ask to come over and you thought it was just to hang out but maybe it was to fill a void he felt. Stepping a few paces behind him to watch him well, you felt like you could see him so much clearer. It made your heart well. With all this hurt, he was still as kind as ever. It was hard to imagine. You doubted you would be as nice as him in his circumstances.

“You okay?” he asked, turning his head to see you stopped in your tracks. Your jaw, which had dropped slightly, came back into place as you tried to compose yourself. With a nod, you hurried up beside him and murmured about something being on your mind. When he asked what, you felt it might be inappropriate so you said something else, trying to cover it all up.

“Well, I was just thinking about what the psychic would have said to you. You’re really good with dogs and all, it might have some supernatural reason.” The fib was easy enough to make, though you did feel a bit bad about it. Maybe you shouldn’t have lied and let the opportunity to talk about something genuinely serious slip but you had to. It wasn’t your place to ask him. Deep down, you felt this was the right choice.

Thinking hard, though letting his laughs get the most of him as he spoke, he began, “she’d probably be like ‘oh, you are one with the dog. Your ancestors lived in caves and were werewolves. You were grown up on the soil and a natural hunter.”

As he continued his little schpiel, he became more and more dramatic, and it made you laugh. With your elbow, you touched his side and told him to be quiet. His eyes became the biggest crescents as he giggled; he was so perfect, he looked almost drawn. Once that subsided, he asked if you still had the cotton candy which he’d got earlier on. It was in a plastic bag which you pressed into your small backpack and you struggled to get out.

Without hesitation, you both began to share the bag and talked as you did so, his voice not letting you slip into your mind again. He enjoyed to share things, even if they were meaningless, but you loved to listen to what he said. Slowly, you stopped eating and just let him talk, watching as he kept his animated voice all throughout a story or listened to your small responses.

“Can you hold this for a second?” he mumbled, looking ahead and calling for the dogs to stop. Doing as you were asked, you came to a pause as he handed you the bag. Your houses were beginning to show just behind him and you nearly asked why he’d stopped but then his fingers curled around your sleeves and began cuffing them.

“They’ll get dirty from the sugar,” he said so absentmindedly. Then, he quickly dropped your hands and plucked the bag from your fingers. Entirely embarrassed, you brought one hand up to your face and felt the heat there. This time, you couldn’t blame it on the sun, since the bill of your cap stretched far enough to cover most of your cheeks and nose.

“W-what did you do that for?” The question was asked even though you knew the answer he gave. From the side of your eye, you saw his face turn to see you, his smile so soft. Though most of his face was shrouded from the cap, the sun hardly any help as it rested its cheeks against the hills of your little town, you could tell there was something changed in his eyes.

Softly, his fingers came to twist with yours, fitting in the spaces between yours. He was so light, so careful to not make you do anything you didn’t want to do. You didn’t know how to say that this was what you wanted to do the whole day, how you’d thought of holding his hand and bringing him closer almost everyday you spent together. So, you didn’t say anything at all. You simply closed your fingers around his. At this, he brought you the slightest bit closer and you walked home together, blind to how silly and large your smile was.

I truly cherish every moment we’ve spent together. We would walk around doing nothing and feel like we were doing the most daring things. We were alive but I felt like we were really existing.  I sound like a stupid romance novel but it was hard not to romanticize everything about you. You were and are so present in my mind that I have to write this to let you go. I can’t be with you and we both know that. When you let go of my hand, I could see it in your eyes. You couldn’t do it again and neither could I. I can’t sit there and fall for you more and more. God, is this even love?

I don’t know the answer to that. All I know is you overwhelm me and make me so nervous. I’m glad for everything we’ve done but I don’t think I can take anymore. I want to be free of it. I like you so much that I can’t take it. Please take it away from me. Please.

From y/n y/l/n. On June 28th, 2016.

The oven beeping snapped Jaehyun out of his head. Quickly, he moved to take the chicken strips out, nearly forgetting to put on oven mitts. He was so wrapped up in what you’d written. He was sure you’d done this at the time yo’d written it. It was so fresh in your mind then that every moment you described- he could feel them. He was there, watching you watch him. He could imagine it all, reading how you felt and pairing it with his heart.

Two years ago. It was so confusing back then. He had so many emotions but he didn’t know what they meant only that he liked you too; but then there was age and college. He wasn’t going to be here and you were going to forget. You were right and he hated that. He hated that, in his eyes, it was over before it started. He wished it wasn’t like that. He wanted to see you but  it wasn’t that easy now, was it? You were dating someone now and he couldn’t get between that. He even saw you at Christmas. You seemed so happy.

Frustrated, Jaehyun practically tossed the tray onto his counter, the metal shaking in its spot. The sound resonated through his empty house.

[janiedean]

I have to tell you something but PLEASE, please, don't be mad. I love Brienne, and I loved her with Jamie, and I'm mad and sad that they didn't get to have their happy ending...but I don't think his ending was shit. Or OOC. First at all, book!Jamie is not TV!Jamie: his relationship with Cersei is different, not as sick or manipulative. He loves his siter and is loved by her in a more "helthier" way: in the show she told Tywing the truth about them, and it's huge considering the love for power1/?

He watched her lose their 3 children, he learned about her walk of shame to get back to Tommen, he witnessed Robert’s humiliations. I think he would have stayed with Brienne if she knew his sister was safe, but he couldn’t be happy if his siter died and he did nothing to save her. He needed to be that person, otherwise all his growth would be lost, and he would have dragged Brienne in his spiral, and he didn’t want to make her miserable. To me he is still an honorable man, bc when there was a chance to do something, he did it: he killed the king to save KL, he fought the dead army, but over and over he said that the Lannister army didn’t stand a chance against the dragons or the Dathraki, he was not a fool. His speech was not about NOT CARING, it was about knowing there was nothing he could have done. He did good, he was good, and till his last moment he tried to be honorable, he tried to be the person Brienne inspired him. P.s.: Still heartbroken that he died, but I think there is some poetic justice with Cercei crashed by the symbol of the power she tried lo long to hold.

anon, I appreciate that you’re being nice and I appreciate that you’re trying to find some sense in this entire thing, but… okay, I’ll go over it and please don’t take me as *me* being mad or whatever but I don’t think a few things were clear here so I’ll try to do it now:

jc in the show is not healthier. it might be different, but it’s not and the fact that it might have been less obvious doesn’t mean that they didn’t drag that toxic mess out for four seasons when it had no reasons to exist. now: I was down with looking at it until s4 because that was book canon and I can deal with book canon. I had to look at three more fucking seasons of that toxic abusive mess happening and I don’t know if it’s obvious or not, but if I have one thing, like one in the universe that I can’t deal with, that I hate and that makes me feel sick more than anything else it’s emotional/psychological manipulation. and show!jc has that in spades and I can’t. like, as it is right now I’m pretty damn sure I’d take reading explicit thramsay fic that ends horribly with annexed detailed fanart than even rewatching five seconds of a scene where those two are in the same frame and is2g if they had kissed at the end of 8x05 I’d have thrown up. please for the love of everything if you think it’s better than book canon your prerogative, but don’t come at me informing me of that because I can’t. especially not right now;

I honestly can’t give much of a damn about the stuff c. suffered when 80% of that is her damn fault and I’m especially talking about tommen who only did that because she gave zero shits about his opinion in anything but we’re supposed to think she’s a good mother or that she cares which makes me especially sick because people have decided that for her out of nowhere when we all know how much leeway they give catelyn for that and I’m honestly done with it, and maybe it’s not inconsistent that he’d care, but it’s inconsistent how they wrote it;

because I mean if they showed some half-regret over leaving brienne or she was mentioned or if the entire thing was addressed instead of spending four episodes building it up and then did in four minutes what it took six feet under an entire season to do with nate and brenda back in the day is bad writing, has no consistency, it also murdered tyrion as a character because I can’t believe that in the span of two episodes he goes from I’m happy that you’re happy to WELL I DON’T HATE MY SISTER SO MUCH JUST GO TO PENTOS when ah, wait, c. sent bronn to kill both of them?

also ‘who ever cared abotu the innocents’ or whatever the fuck that line was??? wow, that’s all this asshole has ever cared about in canon to the point of losing his reputation for it not counting c. or tyrion at least in the very beginning of the series when everyone thinks he’s an ass, and I have to buy that this episode was halfway decent writing?

also: even if I was okay with jaime’s ending - which I could have been if at least it amounted to something because that entire episode was a plot hole after plot hole (where’s widow’s wail? he waves WITH THE FAKE HAND??? WTF??, did he ring the bells so he actually helped destroy the city without knowing dany would lose her shit through jon connington’s ghost possessing her? if bran didn’t rat him out bc he had A ROLE TO PLAY what was the damned role since he hasn’t done anything until now that warranted it??? just the first four) and he didn’t even… help cersei or take her out like he literally was there to just give her some basic human comfort and rocks fall everyone dies, what’s the sense of it?? -, anon, this entire narrative leaves brienne horribly;

because sorry but in the best of chances she’s not pregnant and someone lies to her and tells her jaime went there to stop cersei and tried to be honorable (which given what they made him say about not caring for the innocents makes it bad writing but nvm) and she can think okay, I waited years for the right guy to trust/open myself to and then he left me like that but at least he did it for a good reason now will I ever trust anyone again, maybe, and I assure you that getting over such a thing is not too easy, but that would be the best option. mid-bad option: she still thinks he did it for the right reasons but she’s pregnant so hey, she has an illegitimate child from a man who left her like that to go into a senseless death making her believe she was wrong about him and breaking her heart and she has to play single mother in tarth without him or maybe she can hedge knight along with the kid or leave him with pod or smth but that doesn’t look good on jaime either. or worse, she’s pregnant and she finds out he went just to die with cersei and didn’t even mention her or anything to tyrion along the way so she did all of the above…. for a guy who at the end of it as the narration puts it just went back to die with c. and a kid he didn’t even know might be real or not when she could have given him what he always craved/wanted/needed and left her like that? like, anon, even if it was a good ending for jaime, there is no bloody way that brienne gets out of this mess of a season with a dignified ending unless they somehow manage to pull a miracle out of their arses and sorry but their writing has been so bad that I honestly doubt it, not even david milch showing up like the calvarly could salvage this crap of a finale, and for all characters tbqh, not just them;

on top of that, sorry but it passes the message that brienne, only rep. in this show for nonstandard attractive people who spends years thinking she’ll never find love and suddenly thinks she can be happy with the guy who also fulfilled her greatest dream and opens herself up to him putting her vulnerability on the line (and while I don’t really think the whole virginity thing is that much of an issue since she actually did manage to give it to the guy she wanted it does mean something in this context)…………. shouldn’t have done it because wow, left like that without a second thought and without being addressed in the next episode at all by at least tyrion who has spent the previous four episodes either admiring her or trying to get her and jaime together never mind jaime? wow, I mean, I surely signed up to see the character I always saw myself in getting this shit treatment by people who obviously didn’t understand either her or jaime at the bottom of it for as much as I still think 8x04 did it right until the end?

anon, I appreciate your optimism about that narrative, but this episode was so badly written that it managed to about destroy the narratives of characters that weren’t even in it (sansa and brienne, and let’s not even discuss sansa because lmao), to have every single person but davos and possibly jon but meh behave ooc given what half of their lines said if not their actions because even if we take jaime’s actions as your reading (legit) what they made him say was still atrocious and ooc and same for tyrion, let’s not even touch dany or sandor/arya or really anyone that wasn’t davos. I cannot, in all good conscience, find anything good about this mess because it was badly written. period. even if we decide that the plot and motivations were fine and we try to make them make sense the way you did, the execution was shit, the dialogue was shit, it looked like they weren’t even trying, it did a disservice to every single character that was in it except davos who was there for five seconds to smuggle stuff and I honestly, honestly, cannot even find the force of will to try to make sense of it.

this entire season has been a gigantic plot hole, it wasn’t coherent within its own narration see ep. 2 clashing with ep. 8, 90% of what happened post 8x02 was for shock value without giving a single fuck about making it look in character and making the characters behave nonsensically - and I don’t mean just jaime, I mean all of them to serve the undoubtedly wtf shocking ending they have in plan for us which if I guessed already I’ll hate with the force of a thousand suns, and I’m honestly done with trying to make sense of this thing because nothing makes sense anymore. I appreciate that y’all are trying but I give up. I can’t make sense of a narrative that goes like ‘we’re doing this because it’s cool and if it doesn’t add up with everything we did before who gives a fuck’, and I honestly can do without trying to find a silver lining in a show that has totally twisted the message of the books and turned into an angst fest for which everyone has to be miserable at all costs or it’s not good tv, and that’s the last I’m going to say about this specific matter because:

a) I’m tired, b) I want to finish my spitefics and ignore this mess ever happened and concentrate on doing something that makes me happy, c) if I just keep on thinking about how bad this was IN GENERAL I wish jaime was my #1 problem I just feel worse and I don’t need it, d) the fact that they did brienne this dirty and she wasn’t even in this episode is really leaving the worst sour taste in my mouth and it’s already bad enough that I have to hope her ending is only 80% crap and not 100% crap, I honestly can’t with discourse that tries to find any basic sense in how this episode was conceived and executed beyond my problems with jc, jaime’s writing and the fact that they managed to get wrong one of his three most basic character traits that has nothing to do with brienne or jb for that matter.

thanks for being polite and nice about this and I swear I’m not mad but I honestly can’t with this episode and I would appreciate if from this point on anyone could refrain from trying to make jc sound better than it is where I can see it/where I can’t blacklist it because it’s really not a good idea right now. thanks again and have a possibly nicer than than mine. ;)

[srtringbean]

First Love Part 8

HELLO EVERYONE I AM FINALLY BACK FROM MY VERY LONG HAITUS!!! I’ve bee going through some stuff so I needed some time for myself and now I am back somewhat better. Anywho, here is a teaser to the next part and I think it’ll be the last part or I will split it into two parts. 

Masterlist  Part1  Part2  Part3  Part4  Part5  Part6  Part7  Part8  Part9 (final) 

Genre: romance/fluff/angst/ I don’t know at this point

reader x Namjoon 

word count: 4k ( I got carried away ) 

~ 2 years later~

“Flight number KE601 for Incheon Airport at gate A2 is now ready for boarding.”

“Yeah yeah i’ll call you when I get there don’t worry dude okay. Yes Kim I know I know I’ll be fine stop freaking out so much my friend Yuri will pick me- WOMAN YES.” You yelled causing some fellow passengers looking your way as you mouthed a sorry.

“Kim I swear to you that I will message you the second I land okay and when my friend picks me up now stop acting like a mom I’m a grown ass adult for fucks sake.” You’d been living with your sister since you came back and while yes you were busy getting your visa fixed and doing regular adult things, your sister babied you like no tomorrow because she did miss you a lot. Was it tough? Hell yeah it was, but in the end it was worth the wait. Keeping in touch with everyone was a lot harder than you had hoped for and sometimes you lowkey avoided them because you still felt bad about leaving without a proper goodbye.

“Okay okay okay hey Kim… Kim…. KIM! I have to board now so I’ll text you or call you alright? Okay bye love you sis see you~~~ I don’t know whenever I can???” She was in the middle of starting a complaint when you just hung up to walk up to check in.

“Group A, seat number D1 for~ Y/n aaaand there you go you’re all set, have a safe flight!” Thanking the lady you walk through the tunnel feeling pretty nervous knowing this was legit. You were finally coming back and this time it was permanent. You were pretty sure you looked like some idiot smiling like a moron but you didn’t care because it was about time you could start fresh again. Nobody knew you were heading back actually, all except Sun and Yuri. A few months ago you confirmed with them on returning which was extremely exciting though you made them swear they wouldn’t say anything or you’d personally strangle them. Yuri always filled you up on the daily tea about the boys and so much has happened with them gaining a huge amount of popularity which was great, but that also meant more stress was built. Obviously you were now two years older and of course they always sent their best of wishes being a whole ass ocean away and you always said thank you, it hurt. It hurt knowing you couldn’t celebrate with them and they felt the same.

Two years was a lot for you to really reflect on everything. You were aware of what happened with the whole Namjoon and you situation being an unknown topic to discuss, since Yuri would ask almost anytime she had the chance to talk. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to talk about, it was just the fact that you weren’t ready to jump into something so soon with someone who was just figuring himself out. You felt selfish about it and the timing wasn’t right. In reality you were never really over your ex and what happened, the emotional damage, and the baggage that just came with it. When you were with Namjoon in a way you would forget but it always came back to bite you in the neck. He didn’t need nor did you want that for him so you took a step back. Was it the best way? No, but he didn’t deserve a boulder of problems that had nothing to do with him to try and fix you when in reality it was you who needed to learn to cope with what was going on. So when you left and thanked him for caring for you, you left it at that because it wasn’t his job to fix you. Had you spoken to him about it, maybe it wouldn’t have left a bad taste.

“Hey yuri i’m on the plane right now how’s everything going?”

“Oh thank god I was getting worried, everything is fine the boys don’t suspect a thing and your apartment is all cleaned up. I made a few changes since you left but nothing big. Also Sun will be picking you up when you arrive. How are you feeling? It’s been a while are you excited??” She asked all giddy and excited. If anyone was thrilled about seeing you, it was probably her. You lived with her when you first came and she became your second sister who somehow was exactly like your real sister, Kim.

“Is it weird to think that i’m so nervous I might throw up?? I’m really excited but extremely nervous to just show up out of the blue in front of the boys. What if they’re mad?? Oh my god what if they hate me because of everything? Yuri what do i doooooo.”

“Y/n you’re fine don’t start freaking out and bailing last minute because then i’d personally go strangle you. If anything yes, they’ll be shocked but I think they’ll be very excited to see you as well. Plus even if they are the slightest bit upset, it would be good for you to clear things up with them in person and start new. That or I can lecture them to not be angry.” Right when you were about to say something the flight attendant came up to you letting you know to put your phone on airplane mode.

“Hey I have to go now but I’ll call you when I get there and Sun too okay. I should be landing around 8 am okay, I’ll see you soon bye~” You hung up and buckle your belt finally relaxing into the seat. This was definitely going to be a looooong flight.

_____

“Hey Joon have you seen my- what are you doing?” Hoseok stood there confused as to what exactly was in front of him. A tall namjoon with on the floor with a chair dismantled.

“What- oh hey. I was trying to build myself a chair but I don’t think I did it right.” He said with a voice of disappointment. He finally had some time off and decided to build a chair for some weird reason but it got his mind off of whatever was bugging him.

“Well then, Jimin and I are going out to the han river if you want to join us?” Hoseok asked.

“Yeah this isn’t working out. Oh and your sweater is under couch in the living room because yeontan was running around with it then fell asleep on it under the couch.” It took about twenty minutes to get their considering they were just walking from their place but they were taking their time. It wasn’t everyday that they had to go out like this, but when they did it felt nice to let loose. These last couple of years were nothing but stressful on them with gaining a bigger fanbase, but getting so much recognition and trying to maintain that high standard everyone put them on. There were ups and down just like every other year though it was mostly ups that happened. While you were gone they managed to keep in touch whether they were busy or not which was hard on both ends. While it was night time for you, it was day time for them, if they were out touring, you were working on projects. Sometimes you wouldn’t speak for months and sometimes you would speak for a whole two weeks straight catching up. Everyone was always worried about you especially Namjoon, he probably worried the most. It was easy to say that when your name was brought up in any discussion, he would act like he was fine and while yes sometimes it was easy to not not feel upset, sometimes he caught himself slipping.

“Hey do you ever wonder if y/n is coming back?? I heard from yuri that she might but I don’t know when to be exact.” Jimin said while munching on who knows what.

“I mean I think it’s safe to say that she fixed the issue with her visa so maybe she will. I know PDnim was upset about having her leave. She actually kept up with her work and I must say, I’m proud how far her work has gotten her.” Hoseok always kept up with your content and thought it was awesome. From your first work to now, you’ve improved so much and he remembers how little sleep you always got so he hoped you were taking care of yourself. Namjoon on the other hand always found himself back at your apartment getting his work done. Since you left they had obviously gained a lot more wealth and moved into new apartments, though your place always had the best view in his eyes. It was the perfect mixture between the city and nature right outside your window and it was one of the main reasons you loved that place so much. In a way it was now his apartment too since he never really went back to the other dorms. You office was still there filled with all of your work, the concept art that went into your videos, color palettes, storyboarding, etc etc.

“I hope she does…” Namjoon whispered enough for the rest to hear him. Jimin knew how much he missed you and it wasn’t unnoticed by everyone. “What would you even sa to her though??? It’s been two years joon and even though we kept in touch, it’s very brief.” Hoseok claimed.

“I honestly don’t know. Should I be mad at her for just leaving or should I be happy that I get to finally see her again and never speak of it?”

There was a long pause in the air before anyone spoke any further, “I guess we have to wait until that day comes, but for now let’s just hope for the best. We’re leaving tomorrow afternoon and won’t be back until another week and a half.”

_____

“This is the captain speaking for flight KE601 from Lax to Incheon Airport, we will be landing in about fifteen more minutes, the weather for today is about 20 celcius with a light breeze, while we are landing please fasten your seatbelts and remain seated until further notice. I hope everyone has a great visit here in Korea and thank you for flying with Korean Air.” Holy heck you were a lot more excited the closer you got but then again, you were extremely nervous too. You haven’t seen anyone in a whole two years which didn’t seem that long but it definitely felt very, very long. Quickly packing our things you sat in your seat unable to stop fidgeting with your fingers and checking the time over and over again. Within fifteen minutes the plane had landed, everyone was grabbing their belongings and little by little everyone started to leave the plane. Walking out, you thanked the flight attendants to then make your way to grab the rest of your belongings.

“Hello?? SUN hey!!! I landed already i’ll be down there soon I just need to get to the terminal so I get to immigration before getting my luggage so it’ll take a while. I’m so nervous oh my god what do I do? I haven’t been here is what feels like forever.”

“Hey you’re fine just breathe and relax okay,” he said chuckling, “ i’m about fifteen to twenty minutes away so you should be just about finishing up by the time i get there.”

“Okay cool I’ll let you know when I’m getting out there okay.” Twenty minutes later and you were looking for the loads of luggage that you brought slowly regretting the amount you had. Right after grabbing the last one, you busted your butt to go through those doors feeling the giddiness rise. The excitement started to kick in and of course the second you passed the door, you spotted him and ran full tilt sprint.

“SUN!!!!!!!!!”

“Hey Y/- OOHP-” You jumped him giving him the biggest hug ever that he luckily didn’t fall on the floor. He was sure you had the biggest smile on your face as did he since it had been so so long.

“Heyy~ don’t kill me y/n,” he laughed, “It’s so good seeing you, we missed you so much.” You looked so different to him that he couldn’t help but stare at you. Man there was so much that needed to be caught up on he couldn’t wait for the car ride back.

“Sorry, I’m just really excited to see you and everyone else too. OH, I cut my hair as you can see and decided I needed a change so I dyed my hair too. How’s Yuri? Is she meeting up with us back at the apartment?? Also please tell me the boys don’t know anything. OH OH, I also hope you brought a big enough car too because i have luggage for days and i’m hoping it fits.”

Sun was having the time of his life while you rambled on trying to get you to calm down. “I love the new look, it suits you very much and I know everyone will probably drop their jaws. Yuri will meet us at your place, no the guys don’t know and they’re out of town luckily, and yes i brought a bigger car so no need to worry. Now calm down, let’s go and grab some food then head home.”

About an hour later you had everything and somehow ended up in your favorite spot to go eat some stew. Surprisingly the owner recognized you and bo was she super happy to see you see her again. She even brought you extra food stuffing our soul at this point, not that you were complaining though since she was the cutest and you could never say no to her. At some point she scolded you telling you that you should visit more often or she’ll find you to which she wasn’t kidding. Shortly after you were headed home feeling more than satisfied, “Is it weird to say that i’m nervous to be in my own home after two years?” You asked walking down the hall.

“Well I would be nervous too if i’m being honest. Yuri should be here soon too, she had some stuff to work out at work and you know the rest.”

“True, I’m just wondering how it’s going to be when the boys see me after that long. I just hope it’s not a bad reaction, I’ve literally had so many scenarios running through my head about how bad it could turn out and my thirteen plus hour flight didn’t help either. Maybe i’m just overthinking it too I don’t know am I??” You said in a smaller voice standing in front of your door.

Sun knew how much you really wanted things to end well but he didn’t know either, so it was really just a 50/50 shot of what would really happen. Sure they could be angry but you also do still hold a lot of meaning to them that the anger would go away. To him personally he didn’t find any reason to be upset with you so really, you were fine and shouldn’t have to worry so much. Then again, the guys did have some random mood swings because you weren’t there which did affect everyone. “You’re okay y/n I’m sure nothing bad will happen okay. Stop overthinking all the bad things because for all we know, they could be really easy going about it.”

—–

“Namjoon I can’t believe you forgot your stupid passport for the millionth time. We need like some type of beeper reminder thingy to make sure you have it at all times.” Jin said at a fast pace while driving towards your apartment since namjoon stayed there most of the time.

“I swear I had it jin, I guess i took it out again and placed it down. I’m surprised we even noticed after arriving, how in the hell did they let me go through without it???” Namjoon questioned while looking through his backpack for the millionth time just in case he really does have it.

“I swear if the others find it in your luggage and it’s not in the apartment I will strangle you because now we’re going to have to find the next flight last minute.” At this point Jin was talking so fast out of anger that Namjoon didn’t understand but understood. While they were on their way back to the apartment, they were completely unaware that you would be there and wouldn’t have suspected anything really. Parking into their spot Namjoon started to head towards the front doors and Jin started to look within the car just in case it fell under or in between the seats.

“I’ll double check the car and you go up first, I’ll be there if i don’t see it okay?” Nodding a yes namjoon went inside and up the elevator in hopes it’ll be there. If not, he was screwed for sure and would have to get another one for the millionth time.

You on the other hand while this was happening, started to look through your things for a bit and noticed some things were moved around but it was mostly the same. At some point you made a cup of coffee to try and stay awake while unpacking a few things. The coffee wasn’t going to keep you up for long but it was very much needed at this point. Sun ended up leaving you here since Yuri called him in for a meeting which would take a while but you understood and assured him you would be fine. As soon as he left, you took a mini detour of your place (well namjoons place at this point) and noticed how most of your things were still the same but a lot more organized than what you would normally have. It felt so homey and relaxing but it also had a very namjoon aesthetic to it as well. Both bedrooms were pretty much the same with a few upgrades but your room was the same as ever. Even your bed was still the same which you were grateful for because the second you sat down, in about five minutes you were fast asleep and gone. After that long flight sleep was what you really needed and once you were asleep, there was no waking you up until whenever your body decided you’ve fully recovered.

“I can’t believe I forgot my passport…” He mumbled to himself as if anyone was able to hear him. “Let’s just find it so we can head out and go on this trip.” Opening the door he’s already taking his shoes off and about to start looking when he sees a different pair of shoes that were obviously not his. Did someone break in? He’s already walking inside when he sees tons of luggage in the living room confused as ever. Was someone moving in and he didn’t know????

“What in the world??” He whispered walking through the apartment trying to be extra quiet just in case. You were in a deep sleep obviously so of course you didn’t hear anything nor did you hear the door opening and a very surprised namjoon. Surprised wasn’t really enough to explain how he felt because it was like the gears in his mind were turning so slow walking inside your room and nothing made sense to him for a good minute. That was until you were there, physically there in front of him. You, not just an imagination of his mind, you were legit sleeping in bed without a single form of knowledge that namjoon is very much surprised that you are really there. Holy crap what does he do? Does he wake you up? No no no no you literally just got here, you’re probably really tired. Wait, no wait, oh my god you’re really here. This is real. Oh god he feels a train of emotions just slapping him in the face he doesn’t even hear Jin coming through the door calling out to him.

“Hey why is there loads of luggage in the living r-” He stops mid sentence to see a very emotionally conflicted namjoon staring back at him and your bed back and forth not knowing what to do. Jin walks into the room to look back at Namjoon with the same expression.

“Y/n…” he exhaled.

“..room.” Jin finished not really knowing what else to say other than have just the same amount of inner conflict as Namjoon. They were so lucky you were dead asleep (some things just don’t change) because if you weren’t, who knows what would’ve happened if you both stare at each other with the biggest question mark roaming around.

“Joon whatever you’re thinking or are thinking of doing, save it until we get back. Look for your passport quietly so we can make it on time.” Jin whispered already walking away into the other room to find what was needed. He started to search as quietly as possible because everyone knows once you start waking up, there is no going back to sleep and the last thing he needed was you awake and him freaking out. After about a good twenty minutes he found his passport in the bookshelf next to the picture he gave you during your first few months there bringing back many memories that he felt the lump in his throat start to form.

“Hey did you find it?” Jin walked in with concern in his voice.

Taking in a deep breathe he put the frame down and heard you moving around meaning you’s wake up any minute now. “Let’s go before she wakes up, please don’t tell anyone.” With that, Jin was already out the door and just as he was about to put his shoes on the sound of your voice filled his ears.

“Namjoon??? It’s you right?” You said probably the smallest voice he’s ever heard from you.

Nobody moved, the elephant in the air was prominent than ever and you, you were standing there with guilt written all over your face. Your now short and dyed hair made you look more mature and you looked completely different yet still recognizable. What was he supposed to say?? He literally had to be at the airport but he also wanted to stay and catch up on everything.

“I thought- I thought you’d be out of town by now??” You asked.

“I- uhh, I forgot my passport.” Rushing his words out faster than what he expected.

Chuckling to yourself, it was like music kissed his ears hearing you laugh after so long. God how much he missed you but how crappy it was that he had to leave and wait a week and a half. “We can talk when you come back okay? I don’t think you should keep everyone waiting.” Smiling softly, you walked up to him while he held his breath for who knows how long. You only stood in front of him but it was so close you could practically hear his heart hammer against his chest from the millions of emotions running marathons.

“I’ll be here when you come back okay? We can talk all you want and let it all out and you can cry, scream, or anything. I’ll wait just a little longer.” Taking a pause to really look at him, you mustered up the courage to grab his hand and hold it against you face really taking the time to let him know you were in fact real. While he let out the shaky breath he didn’t know he was holding, he wished he could cancel the trip last minute at this point. “I’m so sorry,…..” You whispered. Finally letting go and looking at each other he mustered up the courage to say something he’s been waiting for so long to tell you when you came back.

“I missed you so much…”

[theladylikesfics]

Rock and A Hard Place

                               Part IV You stood there dumbfounded, absolutely mystified. There’s no way in hell you just heard what you heard. You fluttered your eyes shaking your head. “What?!” Loco took you by the hands guiding you down to the couch. “Baby listen, G’Anna I’m sorry. Baby it’s my fault you out there, entertaining other guys because I haven’t been upfront, I haven’t kept it one hundred. I got comfortable thinking you would always be around, always be there and that was my bad. I should have locked you down a long as time ago. I’m sorry for not appreciating you the way I should have. But, I’m so serious right now G; you’re my girl, you gotta know that. I don’t have a ring or anything right now, but tomorrow I’ll go buy you anything you want, you want to come with me and pick it out we can do that; just don’t leave me okay. I swear I love you. You are truly the only one that I want. Marry me G’Anna please?” Your mind was a whirlwind. You heard the words, you understood the words, you just couldn’t put them together in the moment. Kwon Hyuk Woo just proposed to you. You are sitting on your couch in your living room, after having a date with Hyuk Oh and now here you are with Kwon Hyuk Woo aka Loco, down on one knee asking you marry him. Even if at the moment your brain could function long enough to tell your mouth to open and say something, your Broca Center turned off the lights and hung up a sign informing the rest of your brain that it had gone on vacation and did not know when it would return. You sat there, blank face, wide eyes, mind spinning and scrambling to formulate some sort of response. You weren’t opposed to marrying Kwon. Truth be told early on in your dealings you’d hope that he would develop these feelings for you and make it official. As the years went on you both got comfortable with how things were and neither one seemed unhappy with the arrangement. You weren’t sure if Loco had other toys, but you had cleared your bench and was focusing just on him. You haven’t even thought of the possibility of another man until Hyuk Oh completely waltzed in and stole all of your attention. “G’Anna, baby, please say something, anything?” “Kwon, I- I don’t know what to say I mean you just show up and it just came out of nowhere and now you’re asking me to marry you?!” “I know, I know, this was not smooth at all and I’m sorry I promise I will make it up to you, but you gotta know I’m sincere right now. You gotta know you’re my world G. You’re right though, this was a lot and I know I just hit you out of nowhere with all this.” He stood up from his position on the floor, leaning in to kiss your cheek. “Just please think about it okay G. I love you. I’ll call you later. Please eat.” And with that he turned around and let himself out locking the door behind him. You sat there still stunned unsure of what exactly what just happened and how your life just became so complicated.     

Loco was floating on air. He walked through the doors of AOMG and into the studio not even completely sure his feet were touching the ground. Jay Park and Cha Cha just looked at each other, Hoody elbowed Gray to get his attention. “Sup Y’all!” Loco’s smile was bright enough to rival the sun. “Oooh! He must have gotten some bomb ass top before he came in look at this muthafucka.” Cha Cha said looking at Jay Park. “Either that or he got to put more than just the tip in.” Jay said would a big ass laugh. “So wassup Loco, why you so happy today?” Hoody asked just as confused as everyone else. “Because last night, I asked G to marry me.” Loco some how managed to smile even brighter and wider. Everyone’s jaw collectively dropped. “YO! That’s Wild! You getting married?!” Simon D said. “She said yes?!” Hoody asked. “Wait how didn’t you just tell me two night ago that yall were having problems, how the fuck did you get there?!” Jay asked hella confused. Loco took a deep breath and sighed. “Man, look, listen, that’s my baby girl. I love her; I’ll do any damn thing in the world for her. I don’t think she understood that. So last night I decided I was going to do something sweet for her  pick up her favorite snacks and drinks and swing by her place because I knew she was out. So I get there and she on her stoop about to bust slobs with this Caillou looking muthafucka. So, I got hot. But I also realize I kinda put myself in this situation. I don’t tell her enough how much I appreciate her and love her, and she went on a date with some dude; got her head swinging and now I gotta swing it back. So, after he left like a lil bitch, we went inside and talked and I asked her to marry me. She ain’t gave me an answer yet but I know she gone say yes. That’s my girl.” Everyone just stared at Loco. “So hol’up you mean to tell me you spontaneously asked her spur of the moment, after you saw her closing out a date, she didn’t give you an answer and you just assumed that she’s say yes?! Did you even have a ring to give to her?” Hoody asked absolutely blown away by the explanation. “I got a call out to Jacob the Jeweller; he’s working on a piece for me. And yeah that’s kinda what happen. Why wouldn’t she say yes though, we’ve been rockin with each other for a while now you know that.” “Okay but that’s not the point. If she went on a date with another dude, then clearly, she’s not completely satisfied with what you’ve offered her. And yea true, yall been together for a while but you not official. She’s quick to say ‘You not my man Kwon.’ And mean that shit. You better make sure you got her as looked down as you think.” Hoody said. “Yo who was dude she was out with?” Cha Cha asked. “Hell if I know some bald headed corny lookin muthafucka. He lucky he left when he did because I swear I was about to give him all this smoke.” Looking down at his watch Jay tried to regain everyone’s focus. “Alright we gotta come back to Loco’s saga later. Right now we gotta get ready for this studio session. It’s AOMG’s contribution to the KROCK/KHH charity album. This is our first sessions meeting the artist as well as brainstorming and coming up with the tracks. Up first is Loco and Hoody, I’m hoping that Hoody’s voice will blend well with whoever we’re teaming up with.” Just as Jay was finishing speaking, the intercom buzzed as Jay’s assistant advised that the artist and his band was there. Everyone stood up to greet him as Hyuk Oh walked into the studio. “Oh You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” Loco exclaimed as he came face to face with Hyuk. “This the muthafucka that was trying to kiss G last night!” “And you’re the one that interrupted me from tasting her lips again…” Hyuk let his voice trail off and the last of his words linger in the air. Loco stepped up as Jay Park slid in between the two men. “Whoa whoa whoa, we not about to do this here in the studio. I’m calling an audible, Simon D I’ll swap you for Loco on this track if it’s going to be a problem you two working together.” “I don’t have a problem working with Loco at all, I’m interested to see what type of man he is.” Hyuk said. “I’m the type to put my foot up someone’s ass is the type of man I am!” Loco was still hot. “Man settle your ass down.” Cha Cha said. “Alright let’s just air out all this dirty beef, it might just be a song.” Jay began “Listen, Hyuk I don’t know how much you understand about the situation but let me just explain. G’Anna and Loco have been together for over two years now. Her being out with you the other night legit got my man heated. You can understand that right?” “You say they’ve been together for a few years but when I asked her if she had a relationship she said no. So tell me, does she know she’s been with you for several years?” “I told you!” Hoody said. “G did not say that! She wouldn’t! She knows she’s my girl! Matter of fact she’s about to be my wife.” Hyuk smirked. “If that’s the case, why are we having dinner later tonight?” Hyuk pulled out his cell phone and showed Loco the message you sent him asking to meet up later. Loco stood there stunned as everyone around him gave him the shiiid face.

[weilongfu]

Wei watches Love by Chance Ep 13

Pond: Is Ai Pete coming with us to the beach?

Ae: No. The bae doesn't know anyone and he'll be uncomfortable.

Pond: Are you being considerate or is it because of Ai Sun?

Ae: NOT AI SUN.

Wei: But you said it was Ai Sun like 2 episodes ago.

Can wanders in out of nowhere.

Can: OH GROUP PHOTO LET ME IN ON THIS.

Best friends forever photo accomplished!

-----

Can: Second most popular celebrity, Tul Medthanan. Is this bitch Tin's brother? They don't look alike at all. Now I wanna punch him so bad!

Can's phone starts receiving lots of messages.

Can: NO NO NO I WON'T PAY ATTENTION TO YOU. FINE I'LL MUTE IT INSTEAD.

Can's phone vibrates loudly instead.

Wei: JUST ANSWER YOUR BAE ALREADY CAN.

Can: What do you want?

Tin: Why are you ignoring my messages?

Can: I'm not ignoring you, I just didn't see it.

Tin: You legit just changed your profile pic 5 min ago.

Can: I did that and left my phone on my desk!

Tin: I sent you my first message an hour ago.

Wei: THAT BOY GOT THEM RECEIPTS. Also you're being too extra Tin.

Can: What do you want?!

Tin: Will you do it?

Can: Of course I will!

Tin: Text me when you wake up. Respond to my messages within an hour. If you don't you're breaking your promise.

Wei: I don't know why I wasn't expecting this next level of extra, but here we are.

Can: YOU WANT THAT HUH? I'LL SEND YOU A "GOOD MORNING" AND I'LL EVEN SEND YOU A "GOOD NIGHT" LINE STICKER! HAH!

Tin: Perfect. Thanks babe.

Can: Shit, I fell for it.

-----

Can looks through Ley's computer. She has pictures of TeeFuse from Make it Right open.

Ley: P'CAN GET AWAY FROM MY COMPUTER!!

Wei: Well... This is getting meta.

Ley: I'm a BL Fan...

Can: Like guys dating guys?

Ley: Yes, is that a problem?

Can: Nah. And I won't tell Mama. Bye.

Ley: Wait, now that you know my secret, you have to help me with something. Tell me more about P'Tin and P'Pete! Tell me about them 24/7 and help them get together! Or since I'm the one that does all the cooking... You might find a bad surprise in your dinner!

Can: Fiiiiiine.

Can gets kicked out of Ley's room.

Can: You're so clueless. Ai Tin likes your older brother, not Ai Pete.

Wei: You should have said it louder. Her resulting fit would have been hilarious.

-----

Can: YOU WANT A GOOD NIGHT MESSAGE? THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT THAT LEY THINKS YOU'RE DATING AI PETE. I HOPE YOU HAVE NIGHTMARES. ABRACADABRA!

Wei: Can... What have we told you about cursing people? You have to at least light a black candle, geez.

Tin: :watches clip from horror movie, reads Can's message that he should have a nightmare: Nah babe, I'll be having sweet dreams filled with you instead.

Wei: SHIT THAT WAS A SMOOTH REDIRECT.

-----

Pete: You look different Tin. You smile a lot more.

Tin: Do you know when he'll come to campus?

Pete: You mean Can? They'll have practice next week. Did you know his number changed?

Tin smiles some more.

Pete: Oh I see how it is. And it's all because of Can huh?

Wei: SO SOFT.

-----

Can: GOOD YOU BETRAYED ME.

Good: I didn't... Betray you... I never... Said I would... Meet you...

Can: But I paid for the taxi and it's so hot out!

Good: Not my... problem...

Can turns around to find Tin standing behind him.

Can: SHIT TIN YOU SCARED ME. Why are you here?

Tin: I'm here for classes. Duh.

Can: Whatever, I'm going home.

Tin: Wait a minute. You said you'd send me a "Sweet dreams" message.

Can: I did! The clip I sent you!

Tin: The one with the rocking chair?

Can: Yeah! The first time I saw it I was so frightened.

Tin: So you like horror movies?

Can: Yes! The bloodier the better!

Tin: Want to watch a movie with me?

Can: WITH YOU? NO!

Tin: What a shame... I was going to invite you to my personal home theater.

Can: ... Personal home theater you say? OKAY I'M IN. BUT I'M GOING NOW BYE.

Tin: Hold on a sec. :kisses Can on the cheek:

Tin attempts to not look affected.

Tin: Next time warn me not to kiss you on the cheek when you're sweaty. It's salty.

Can: WHO TOLD YOU TO KISS ME?!

Wei: Ah young love.

-----

Insert product placement here. Also Can calls his reflection Cantaloupe.

-----

Pete: Ae's birthday is coming up, but I can't buy him anything expensive. I'll make him something!

Pete makes a bracelet with a puzzle piece charm that says, "For You From Me."

Wei: That's actually pretty cute. Canon!Pete is crafty FTW.

-----

Tin: Have lunch with me today.

Can: Uh no? I'm having lunch with P'No today!

Tin: What?

Can: Yeah a rich boy like you might not know this, but we have an open market on campus on Fridays and P'No is going to buy me lunch!

Tin: I'll be there soon. Wait for me.

Can: YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT. I'M MEETING WITH MY SENIORS YOU DUMMY.

-----

Techno: Where's Type?

Champ: Probably naked hugging his hubby.

Techno: LOL FRIENDS WITH BOYFRIENDS AM I RITE?

Wei: LOL YOU RITE TECHNO.

-----

Can: What is your problem? I'm hungry and it's hot. Let's go!

Tin: Not yet.

Can: WHYYYYY!

Tin kisses Can on the cheek again.

Tin: You washed your face today. It tastes better than last time.

Wei: You... Are you actually licking Can when you kiss his cheek? Like how exactly are you sampling the salt concentration, Tin?

-----

Can makes Tin walk around the market, buying tons of food in the heat.

Can: Oh, I forgot the drinks. Wait here and I'll go get them.

Tin: You'll take forever. You wait, I'll go.

Can: :watches Tin walk off: Oh... Did I go too far making him walk around like this?

Wei: You didn't even realize you're using your powers for evil yet? At least Pete knows how to scheme.

Techno: Geez, I thought you said you have no money. How did you buy all this food?

Can: They're all my friend's bags! Where's P'Champ?

Techno: He abandoned me.

Can: HAHA THE CAPTAIN GOT DUMPED.

Techno: I'LL TEACH YOU A LESSON!

Tin: BITCH GET THE FUCK OFF MY MAN. I'M ATTEMPTING TO WOO SOMEONE HERE.

Techno: I regret everything suddenly and I don't know why.

-----

Can: Are you mad? I'm sorry I tricked you. Here, let me wipe off your sweat. Do you have a handkerchief?

Tin: In my left pocket.

Can reaches in.

Tin: HEY WATCH IT.

Wei: IS IT THAT BIG TIN?

-----

Tin: I like you.

Can: Yeah I know that.

Tin: You're so clueless.

Can: Don't try to confuse me! What are you saying I don't know?

Tin: I'm trying to date you, dumbass.

Can: I do know that! But I told you I'm not sure about dating you yet.

Wei: ACCEPT THE BOY, CAN. HE IS TRYING TO LOVE YOU. PLEASE LOVE HIM BACK.

Tin: Because I like you, I don't want you to be closer to any other guy.

Tin: Do you want me to be happy?

Can: Yes!

Tin: Then... :Touches Can's lips:

Can: WHAT IS WITH YOU AND KISSING ME ALL THE TIME?!

Can: Fine, but I'm kissing you with my "style" so no being mad!

Can does the transfer kiss.

-----

Pete: Can you talk with me for a bit?

Ae: Is something wrong?

Pete: No, I just wanna talk with you. Just for an hour, please?

Ae: Can't we do this tomorrow? I have to help my brother in the morning.

Pete: Pleaaaaaase?

Ae: Why are you being so unreasonable?

Pete: UNREASONABLE? Am I so unreasonable to want to be the first to talk to you? Fine, I won't bother you. Good night.

Ae: What the fuck?

Ae's mom: I prepared the food for you to give merits tomorrow.

Ae: Why tomorrow?

Ae's mom: Gosh, your brother Oh was right that you'd forget the date.

Ae: WHAT?

Ae's mom: YOUR BIRTHDAY DUH

Ae: FUCK. I FUCKED UP. AE, YOU IDIOT. HOW DID YOU FORGET YOUR OWN BIRTHDAY AND TELL YOUR BOYFRIEND TO GO AWAY INSTEAD OF LETTING HIM BE THE FIRST TO WISH YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY. YOU ARE A DUMBASS. PETE I'M SORRY. PLEASE ANSWER ME SO I CAN SAY SORRY.

Wei: Well at least he's honest with himself.

-----

Ae: PETE LET ME SAY I'M SORRY.

Oh: What's wrong with you? Who've you been trying to call all day?

Ae: It's nothing... But P'Oh, will you do me a favor?

Oh: I'm in a good mood, what is it my darling brother?

Ae: Let me borrow your car to drive to campus! I'll bring it back tonight.

Oh: HEY! You have a birthday party today! Mom closed the restaurant and Yim has even been practicing a song for you!

Ae: Oh never mind!

-----

Pond proves he deserves the title as president of the AePete fanclub.

-----

Ae: Finally! Pete, I'm sorry! I forgot my own birthday and I shouldn't have talked to you that way.

Pete: It's okay Ae... I-

Ae: NO! It wasn't your fault at all. Gosh... I really want to see you right now...

Pete: If I tell you something now, do you promise not to be mad at me?

Ae: I won't be mad.

Pete: Then come downstairs and open the door.

Oh: Oh Pete! You've come and you brought a gift for Ae! You should stay for the party.

Ae: I forbid you from leaving. Stay.

Oh: That's... Really extreme, Ae.

Pete: If you insist...

Oh: Of course! And Yim will want to see you too!

-----

Ae: For teasing your uncle, you get more kisses!

Yim: Uncle Pete, help me!

Yim shoves Ae and Pete together.

Wei: SHE SHIPS IT!

-----

Ae: Shh... Nong Yim is asleep.

Pete: She can stay with us tonight. It's okay.

Ae: No, I don't want her to see anything she shouldn't see. She goes back with her parents.

Wei: You're too wild, Ae.

Pete: I have a present for you.

Ae: I told you not to buy me anything.

Pete: Yeah, so I made this for you. Everything except the engraving.

Ae: Thank you Pete, I'll take care of it. But you should know, you're the best gift for me.

Wei: SHIT AE STILL HAS GAME.

[frauleinsmaria]

The Village is a Glow (2/2)

A/N: This is the final part to my CSSS gift for @eastwesthomeisbest ! Thanks for being patient with me while I recovered from Christmas retail and tried to work out some of the kinks in the story. I hope you enjoy this as much as I’ve enjoyed getting to know you! Special thanks again to @profdanglaisstuff for beta duties and @cssecretsanta2k18 for hosting this event.

Summary: Killian Jones credits moving to the Big Apple for getting his photography career off the ground. He also has it to thank for causing his first run-in with Emma Swan, who makes him question every photo he takes afterward. 

AO3

Coming to the conclusion that there was something extraordinary about Emma Swan was fairly simple. Putting his finger on just what that something was, however, was anything but.

The first time, he’d chalked it up to coincidence; a change in his camera settings, the way the light reflected off of the lens maybe. The second was enough to make him question things.

The problem was finding her. Everything he knew about Emma was limited to her name, her age, her taste in movies, and that she worked at a bookstore in the city. In a place like New York, he might as well be looking for a needle in a haystack. He’d tried looking her up on social media, feeling both a bit nosy and disappointed when he scrolled through the list of accounts of people with the same name who obviously weren’t the blonde consuming his thoughts.

Killian soon found himself just hoping that his good luck she’d referenced the day of their first meeting would work in his favor again. He’d found her unintentionally twice, and what was that they said about the third being the charm?

What would he even say to her the next time they inevitably ran into each other? Hello, Swan. Funny thing, I’ve noticed this odd golden haze over both of the pictures I took before encountering you and wondered if you would be willing to provide an explanation. Are you a witch, fairy, magician, or involved in some other kind of odd supernatural activities I’m not familiar with? Because that definitely wouldn’t cause her to question his sanity (even though he’d questioned his own every single time he looked at either of those two photos and the golden glow that permeated both.)

In the meantime, he went about his regular routine and kept himself busy with work. Ruby and Belle had been ecstatic over the photos he’d emailed them not long after the impromptu photo session in the park. Both women sent him lengthy messages thanking him and yet again offering some kind of payment for his time and the pictures. His only request was that they consider seeking him out again next time they were in the city.

(He knew it was no coincidence that the last photo with the mysterious golden glow was the picture Ruby posted on her Instagram account first and Belle made her profile image, both women tagging him and insisting all their friends consider him for sessions in the future.)

Good luck must have been on his side after all, because two weeks later, he was walking home on a Friday afternoon when he saw a familiar face framed by blonde curls standing in the front window of a store with a sign claiming itself to be Booth’s Books. He’d found it- more importantly, he’d found her. Of all the bookstores in New York, Emma Swan was working at one less than six blocks from his apartment.

Killian quickly ducked inside, the bell on the door announcing his arrival as he made a sharp left and found himself face to face with Emma.

“Oh! Killian?”

“Hello, Swan. You don’t know how glad I am to see you.”

“Do you need help finding a book?”

“Er, not exactly.” “I really hate to bother you at work, but would you have a few minutes to chat anytime soon? Or I could come back later when you’re free.”

“I’ll get a break in thirty minutes if you don’t mind waiting. There’s a coffee bar at the lounge area in the back.”

“Thank you, love. And don’t rush on account of me; I’m in no hurry.”

Killian made himself a blonde roast with cream and sat back to flip through a random magazine on a nearby table while he waited for Emma’s shift to end. True to her word, she appeared at his side half an hour later, wearing a red leather jacket over her white sweater and was pulling a gray knit beanie on her head.

“I thought maybe we could go for a walk and talk about whatever’s on your mind? The store is nice and all, but I’m sure you get why I can only stay in the place where I work for so long afterward.”

“Of course, love. I’m following you.”

She led him out of the store and into the chaos of afternoon traffic, both of them darting around other people to keep up with each other, Killian desperate not to lose her before asking the questions that had been boggling him for days now. He followed her to City Hall Park, only fitting considering their last encounter.

“I thought we may have a better chance of having a legit conversation here.”

“Aye.” The park wasn’t empty by any means, but they could speak to each other coherently without as many outside interventions.

“So, uh, why is it that you were so glad to see me? Unless you couldn’t find Granny’s on your own and needed me to give you directions to curb your grilled cheese cravings.”

“Afraid not- although that does sound quite appealing, now that you mention it.” He took a deep breath. “Swan, I’m not sure just how to approach this, but- wait.” He pulled his phone out of the back pocket of his jeans and brought up the picture of the sun he’d taken right before their first meeting. “What do you think of this?” he asked, holding it up for her to see.

“That’s really neat, especially the way the sun looks with the golden haze over the photo. Did you take it?”

“I did. I took this one as well.” He swiped through a few more photos to find the one of Ruby and Belle, showing it to her next.

“Killian, these are great pictures...but I doubt showing me your work was the real reason you wanted to talk to me.”

“It’s not so much the photography I’m concerned about. Okay, it is, but not in the way that it sounds. You see, Swan, none of my other photos look quite like these two. And these were both photos I took promptly before running into you.”

Her eyes widened. She bit her lip and glanced away from him. “So, what are you insinuating here? You think I help your ability to take good pictures?” She forced a laugh, but he could tell she was now suddenly worried.

“I honestly don’t know what to think, love. Other than this is all too concrete and specific for me to believe it was a lucky coincidence on my part.”

“Well, we have established that you tend to attract good luck.”

“I think there’s a lot more than luck behind this, love, and something tells me you’re thinking the same.”

Emma made a noise that was something between a sigh and a groan. “Would it be that hard to chalk it up to fate and that you’re a good photographer?”

Maybe this wasn’t Killian’s best idea. She evidently didn’t want to discuss whatever it was she knew about the photos. As much as he wanted answers, he didn’t want to risk making her any more uncomfortable than she already seemed to be. “I apologize, Swan. You’re not obligated to tell me anything, photos or not. I’ll let you go now, if that’s what you like. I’m sorry again if I made you uncomfortable and for taking up your time.” He turned to leave when she called out his name.

“Wait.” Was she having a change of heart? “Never in a million years would I have seen myself asking this question to a guy I’ve met all of three times, but since you seem decent and you’re so perceptive: do you believe in magic?”

“A month ago I would have said no. Now, I’m starting to feel open to anything.”

“So, I have certain...abilities,” she began. “There’s no solid explanation, but I can essentially create certain auras or illusions based on my emotions. It doesn’t happen all the time, mostly when I’m feeling pretty strongly about something. They usually look like a trick of the light or something, so most people don’t even notice something’s off unless they have tangible evidence afterward.”

“Like my photos?”

“Exactly. I’m sure it was hard for you to see past it considering it probably didn’t show up in the rest of your photos. I didn’t even know it could be captured on camera until you showed me just now.” Her eyes kept flitting from his to the ground. This wasn’t easy for her to share with him.

“That’s quite extraordinary, Swan.”

Her eyebrows shot up. “So you don’t think I’m crazy yet? Not gonna call the cops or run for your life?”

What kind of people had she had this conversation with before? “I take it people you’ve shared your abilities with in the past haven’t been very accepting.”

“That would be an understatement.” She barked out a laugh. “I’ve been called a psycho bitch by guys over this before.”

“Well, I can’t lie to you and say it’s easy to wrap my mind around all of this just yet, but I have no reason to believe you aren’t being truthful love, photos or not.”

“You really mean that?”

“Aye. Your secret is safe with me. And I can delete those two photos from my social media pages if that would make you more comfortable.”

“No, it’s okay. Two pictures aren’t enough to tip people off about anything; they probably just thought you used a different lens or filter.”

There was a moment of silence before Emma noticed the time. “I’m really sorry; I have to be back at the bookstore in ten minutes. August and Marco have been great to me so far, and I don’t wanna do anything that could change that.”

“I understand, Swan. I’ll walk back with you now if that’s alright.”

“Sure, thanks.”

They were silent on the walk back to the bookstore, Killian feeling relieved to have answers about the connection between Emma and his photos, but also unsure of where this would go next, if anywhere.

“Killian?” She asked as they walked up to the store’s entrance.

“Yes?”

“Would you, uh, be up for getting coffee again sometime? Or hot cocoa, whatever. If it’s too weird that’s fine, but, I dunno, you’re easy to talk to and I really appreciate someone who doesn’t freak out over a conversation like the one we’ve been having.”

It was the last thing he expected, but he would’ve been a fool to say no. “Of course. Nothing would make me happier.” They exchanged numbers with her promising to get in touch soon.

He received his first text from Emma not two days later. I could totally go for another grilled cheese from Granny’s if you’re free tomorrow afternoon.

With onion rings?

Fast learner. I like you.

He showed up to Granny’s the next afternoon twenty minutes early, eager to see her and learn everything about herself that she was willing to share, whether it involved her abilities or not.

Emma arrived just on time, red-faced and wearing the same jacket and beanie from a few days earlier. She dropped into the seat across from him and let out a deep breath. “Sorry, I ran from the store. I thought I was gonna be late.”

“Quite alright, Swan. I hope you don’t mind, but I went ahead a few minutes ago and ordered the same thing we had the last time. You can get something else if you wish, of course, but I’m familiar with your penchant for grilled cheese.”

“You might be my favorite person in the whole world,” she said, beaming, just as the waitress walked over with their orders.

They ate and spent the next hour or so unofficially resuming their conversation in the park. It had been anything but small talk, yet they still barely knew each other. She told him about how she became aware that there was something different about her at five years old when her foster parents were in a heated argument and a cloudy haze formed around them, evidence of Emma’s distress. But she didn’t discover more details behind this part of her until later.

“I was thirteen,” she told Killian. “I had run away from the group home and was at some supermarket trying to swipe food. Someone caught me, but Lily popped up out of nowhere and covered for me. She told me she could tell I was scared; apparently, if two people with these same kinds of abilities are close enough, you can feel the other person’s emotions instead of just seeing whatever manifests from them.”

“That’s…” he struggled for the right word to say. “Well, that’s remarkable, love. So you two were able to bond over your shared capabilities?”

“Not really.” Something told him that story didn’t have a pleasant ending. “But it gave me an idea of how to spot other people like me. I’ve found half a dozen or so since, mostly in smaller areas where it’s easier to detect. It’s a nice reminder that there are other people like me.”

“I appreciate that you were comfortable and willing to share all of this with me, even just what we discussed in the park,” he told her as they left the diner. “I hope you know that I don’t take it lightly.”

“I do know. And it may not make sense, but I trust you.”

“I’ll make sure you won’t regret it.”

“Good. Go out with me?” she asked without missing a beat.

“Come again?”

“Go out with me. Y’know, to dinner, or something. Or not,” she quickly added. “That’s fine too.”

“I would love nothing more. I only have one request, if you’re up for fulfilling it.”

“Uh, sure, I guess?”

“Would you give me the honor of taking your picture?” Killian gestured to the camera bag at its usual place on his arm. “I’ve gotten to take photos that you’ve impacted twice, but something tells me one of the marvel herself would be quite spectacular.”

“You’re such a dork,” she laughed. “But okay. What should I do?”

“Stay just as you are, love,” he said, pulling out his camera and taking a handful of images while the afternoon sun was in the perfect spot to highlight her features. He quickly brought up the last photo in his media library and couldn’t help but smile at the result: Emma, beaming, green eyes full of light, and, just as he expected, that obvious golden glow he’d become so familiar with.

Killian used to think he owed New York for getting his photography career off of the ground. Now, he knew he owed the city for introducing him to Emma Swan.