#and he also doesn’t care enough to have experimented with labels/identities/etc

[theflannelwizard]

IN THIS HOUSE WE STAND FOR THE FLAG!! 🇺🇸🏳️‍⚧️

[myoclonus-aro]

hi I had some questions about being aro and I was wondering if u could help. it’s okay if u can’t!! no pressure.. what exactly makes someone aro? What exactly defines little to no attraction? How do alloromamtic people experience things vs aro? I’ve been using the aro label for a bit now (like months) and it’s made me happy and the community makes me happy but at the same time I’m not sure if it’s ok for me to use? I’m in a romantic relationship, love the concept of love and romance in books/shows, and yeah. all of my life I haven’t really felt anything for anyone or cared much about romance except one crush that.. when the person told me he likes me and simply asked for a hug I got scared/uncomfortable/GUILTY to reciprocate feelings and even hug him or say yes to dating him.. then that went away and a bit later this other guy asks me out and it took me a while to be like um yes sure we can date I guess…I’m still with him years later and it’s been weird bc everyone says it’s like we aren’t even dating since we never do any romantic actions, no kissing no holding hands no nothing… we don’t look like we’re together at all. I’ve always been scared and uncomfortable doing romantic actions like that.. but I’ve gotten better at it recently and sometimes want it like hugging and cuddles ? and I love fantasies of that stuff…but I can’t get myself to kiss or let people see much of us being “romantic”.. or even when we’re alone. I’ve also questioned if I really have romantic attraction to him or not many many times bc it’s confusing but like I guess so I mean I want to do things with him I don’t exactly do with other friends and smile when I see him ? .. I don’t feel many feelings all the time I guess.. and I never get fictional romantic crushes (I never understood how ppl could even get those) .. and when someone confessed their love for me the first time (even before the guy) I literally had the worst panic attack ever and accidentally rejected them the rudest way possible 😭… i see people talk about getting partners so many times and so quickly doing romantic actions and falling in love with people they meet/see for the first time/friends over time… it doesn’t happen to me ! I literally picked people out to have fake crushes on before bc I wanted to be like everyone else! I think of ppl who go on shows to fall in love or blind dates and I could never actually get a romantic connection to someone that simply. But since I have moments where I want love/cuddles/etc from my partner I feel kinda like a fake aro? what if I’m only this way bc of autism or anxiety or something idk. also while I do like being aro people assume I’m “unable to love” and “not as lgbt bc it’s so sad that I can’t experience lgbt love/not good enough” (I’m bi btw) and it makes me feel scared to tell people I’m aro :/

Hi! This is a very long ask, so I’ve done my best to split it into sections.

What exactly makes someone aro? What exactly defines little to no attraction? How do alloromamtic people experience things vs aro?

An aro person is someone who experiences little or no romantic attraction. As for what constitutes as such, this is harder to define because a) it’s an emotion, meaning b) it varies greatly from person to person and between different cultures and c) it’s an emotion I don't have. Ultimately, what one defines as “little or no attraction” is largely up to the individual. Personally, I know I experience no romantic attraction and, although I have little evidence for this apart from gut instinct, I am very confident in my identity so this seems correct for me. As for how alloromantic people experience things vs. aro people, that is a question I cannot answer because, well, I’m not alloromantic and frankly I have no idea.

I’ve been using the aro label for a bit now (like months) and it’s made me happy and the community makes me happy but at the same time I’m not sure if it’s ok for me to use?

Without even reading further I’m going to say that without question, it is ok for you to use the aromantic label. If aromanticism as a label and community makes you happy then you are always welcome to it. Under no circumstances would it not be ok to identify as aromantic.

I’m in a romantic relationship, love the concept of love and romance in books/shows, and yeah. all of my life I haven’t really felt anything for anyone or cared much about romance except one crush that.. when the person told me he likes me and simply asked for a hug I got scared/uncomfortable/GUILTY to reciprocate feelings and even hug him or say yes to dating him.

Many aros enjoy the concept of love and romance, many aros enjoy fictional romance, and many aros enter romantic relationships. It doesn’t make one less aro to do any of those things. Some aros also get crushes (re: little to no romantic attraction). That said, if someone telling you they like you causes feelings of unease, it could be possible that it wasn’t a crush at all; many aro people “choose” people to have crushes on or mistake crushes for something else, such as platonic attraction. I would also suggest looking into the terms romance repulsion and lithromantic.

Then that went away and a bit later this other guy asks me out and it took me a while to be like um yes sure we can date I guess…I’m still with him years later and it’s been weird bc everyone says it’s like we aren’t even dating since we never do any romantic actions, no kissing no holding hands no nothing… we don’t look like we’re together at all.

I don’t know you so I won’t speak for your relationship. That said, I also said “yeah sure we can date I guess” when I was asked out, and turned out to be aromantic the whole time.

I’ve always been scared and uncomfortable doing romantic actions like that.. but I’ve gotten better at it recently and sometimes want it like hugging and cuddles ? and I love fantasies of that stuff…but I can’t get myself to kiss or let people see much of us being “romantic”.. or even when we’re alone.

This sounds a lot like romance repulsion. Romance repulsion can fluctuate and vary; it is normal to be repulsed about some things (ie kissing) while fine with others (ie hugging).

I’ve also questioned if I really have romantic attraction to him or not many many times

My general understanding is that most alloromantic people don’t repeatedly question whether or not they’re actually experiencing romantic attraction. I too questioned as much when I was dating someone, and now consider it an early sign that I was aromantic all along.

And when someone confessed their love for me the first time (even before the guy) I literally had the worst panic attack ever and accidentally rejected them the rudest way possible 😭

This sounds like even more romance repulsion! I highly suggest looking into that if you get the chance.

i see people talk about getting partners so many times and so quickly doing romantic actions and falling in love with people they meet/see for the first time/friends over time… it doesn’t happen to me ! I literally picked people out to have fake crushes on before bc I wanted to be like everyone else!

I don’t have much to say about this one except that picking people to have cushies on is an incredibly common aromantic experience.

But since I have moments where I want love/cuddles/etc from my partner I feel kinda like a fake aro?

Again, many aros enjoy love/cuddles. Personally, I greatly enjoy receiving love from my friends and am favourable about several romantic actions. This does not make me a fake aro. Remember that you cannot accidentally fake anything, including aromanticism.

what if I’m only this way bc of autism or anxiety or something idk.

While it isn’t guaranteed that one’s aromanticism is linked to autism or neurodivergence, it is also incredibly common. The aromantic community welcomes those whose aromanticism is related to, effected by or even caused by their neurodivergence; being aro because of autism or anxiety would not make you any less aro.

also while I do like being aro people assume I’m “unable to love” and “not as lgbt bc it’s so sad that I can’t experience lgbt love/not good enough” (I’m bi btw) and it makes me feel scared to tell people I’m aro :/

Consider;

You are under no obligation to tell people you’re aro for any reason. Your aromanticism is about you and if it makes you happy, that’s more than enough

There is no such thing as “more lgbt” or “less lgbt”. Aromanticism is inherently queer, romantic love is not the only kind of love nor is it any greater than other forms of love, and aromantic people are lgbt enough full stop

There are many aro people who do not feel love! Feeling love is not a requirement to being a good or “good enough” person.

In Summary: I am no authority on you or your identity, but in my opinion, your experiences seem similar to that of a romance repulsed aromantic. Being aromantic is about you only, and it is ultimately up to you to decide whether or not you’re aro, what that means to you, whether you come out, and what you want out of relationships.

If you have any other questions, feel free to ask 💛

[djhedy]

what is canon and should we respect it (a not-essay on aftg fandom)

i want to write an *entire* essay on this but i am between meds right now so exhausted and suffering a HEAT WAVE (uk?? why! we are normally so temperate) and also there's always a risk of sounding patronising when trying to put your opinions/experience across, so i'll try to write briefly and wotnot

what is canon:

"the material accepted as officially part of the story in an individual universe of that story" or, as we'd probably all put it "wot the author wrote"

why this matters, and why the author matters - our characters wouldn't exist without them

beyond a basic respect for the author, which i would define as like not being a bitch to them (because every human being has feelings, and this is something easily forgotten on the internet), we land on the question "should we respect canon"

well... maybe?

it sort of depends why you're here. the experience of literature/art can be defined a few ways: what the author intended, what the reader experiences, the impact on society.

what nora intended: if you care, she's written a lot of extra content on tumblr. but given that the majority of people who read the books probably won't care enough to find the extra content, this isn't canon. it isn't canon because it isn't in the books of the story. calling it canon is gatekeeping. but it's SUPER FUN and i enjoy seeing what nora's interpretation of her own characters are. thanks nora we luv u.

the impact on society: people get SO UPSET about this question. and it's a reasonable question for sure. art does impact society and vice versa. i just kind of don't think this is the big deal you think it is. people are always hunting for signs of homophobia, sexism, transphobia etc in fandom works. and like... sure, you can do that if you'll enjoy it. this essay isn't really about this, and i don't want to ramble. but aftg is an indie publication. its impact is so insubstantial. maybe chill out. the people who are like AARON IS HOMOPHOBIC BUT ANDREW THE MURDERER IS UWU or, opposite, SETH DESERVED REDEMPTION AND MATT IS ABLEIST - my guys it's a book. these characters are flawed. literature isn't meant to be a pinnacle of morals (unless... it is) and we're supposed to love these characters because they work through their flaws and settle into who they are. are they still dicks at the end? sure! it's fun. not everything has to be light and perfect. and you'll have more fun with art if you stop hunting for homophobes in the fandom of an independent publication with a few thousand readers. that's not how to succeed at the gay agenda. we're on it, i promise.

WHAT THE READER EXPERIENCES: this is the big one! you know when you read a book or watch a film and say "oh wow so it was about THIS, THIS was the important bit!" and someone disagrees? well, they're not wrong and you're not wrong. experience is a whole thing. what someone has experienced in life before they come to the art, what they experience during the art itself. art is a communication from the creator to the audience and that communication is subtle and will be different for *every* single person.

this will upset a lot of people, but it isn't canon that neil is demisexual. the label isn't mentioned once in the books. can it be inferred? ABSOLUTELY. he's demi in all of my fanfics because i personally love it. but nora mentioning it in extra content does not make it canon, in the same way that jkr telling everyone she saw dumbledore as gay after the books, does not make it canon. #theauthorisdead (but let's still be nice to them. ...unless you're jkr. fuck jkr.)

my point is just that canon doesn’t always matter. collectively most of us have decided neil is demi, which is important rep to a lot of people without rep. how sexy of us.

and experience matters. there will be people to whom it's important to write neil as not-very-demi. there will be people to whom it's important to write neil as super ace. be kind to each other.

i've decided i need to add another heading.

WHAT'S THE POINT OF FANFICTION?

to preserve canon? no, because... nora already did that. there's a huge amount of fun to be had trying to write neil and andrew as *accurately* as possible - but this *accuracy* will be different from person to person. because a work of literature is complicated and writing is hard and - individual experience. we've already gone through that. but like, have you ever tried to write andrew's dialogue accurately, the way he speaks like he's half-high half-shakespearean?? it's DIFFICULT. i have tried.

you know what's also fun? experimenting. what would their relationship be like if neil was an alcoholic. what if andrew liked wearing dresses. what if one of them cheated. what if matt died of a drug overdose.

in my head the point of fanfiction is EXPLORATION.

sometimes you're exploring the characters as accurately to your experience of them as possible, sometimes you're adding a new element in to see how they would react. let's be honest, that new element is usually something you're obsessed with in your own life. gender presentation? why people cheat? why people relapse? why relationships break down?

anyway, back to the list.

WHAT'S THE POINT OF FANFICTION?

to dick around and have a nice time? yes.

to work through your own identities/traumas/what have you? probably if you're anything like me and basically everyone i know in the fandom lol.

i think this is everything i want to say.

no wait i lied! final point.

if you've ever studied literature or philosophy the first things they teach you is to question *everything*. for example: what is fanfiction, what is canon, "we have to respect canon" do we??

if you've heard someone using the word "feminisation" to mean "make neil soft uwu", rather than repeating the word, question why it's being used here. what does feminise mean, what does soft mean. maybe you love the dark side to neil, maybe other people like the side of him that can heal.

there's nothing wrong with playing with sexual dynamics and relationship dynamics. sometimes you might be writing something cliched, homophobic, sexist - if you work out you are doing that, maybe stop it. on the other hand lots of couples *do* play out the dynamics of - trousers on in the bedroom, trousers on in the relationship. it's not homophobic to depict a homosexual relationship where one is subby and one is dommy. it exists. so like, chill a little.

and remember you are not always right and everyone is different?

man did i accidentally make this patronising?

woops.

lots of love hedy x

[mokutone]

yo i would love to hear some of ur trans yam headcanons :) (also ps ur art is breathtaking and whenever i see it reblogged on my dash i always come here anyway to read ur tags bc they r so! good!)

thank u 🥺🥺🥺 god im sorry this has been sitting in my inbox for a couple days ksdjghsdkjgh not only have i got a LOT of thoughts to put here (this is only a selection of the bigger thoughts skdjghsdkjhg) i was also super busy the past few days!!!! ty for ur patience, ur compliments, and for inviting me to ramble abt my favorite guy!

maybe the one constant in all trans people is just like. our decision to intentionally and purposefully create ourselves, to forced into an identity by outside forces and to turn away from it in search of something else, and that’s ultimately what makes captain yamato read as a trans character to me! He goes through so many identities, and they are meaningful to him, but you can also clearly tell that he’s searching for something that really fits him.

I don’t really have a lot of firm thoughts on what his specific identity would be, I’ve seen some great nonbinary yams, some lovely genderfluid yams, trans guy yams, there’s a great variety and i delight in them all! 

I tend to imagine him as transmasculine and nonbinary but male aligned (which means he’d feel at least a partial connection to or comfort with masculinity) and while there are a bunch of labels for this experience of gender (demiboy, bigender, etc etc) i don’t see him as somebody who would use any specific labels, I feel like he’d keep his own experience of his gender fairly private! He’d prefer and be fine with masculine-coded terms of address, and happy enough passing as a guy.

AHH and on names...

I think Kinoe is the only name that I really see as like. a genuine deadname. It’s a name that means “The First” to my understanding, and so like, probably refers to him having the genetics of the first. Therefore, it’s kind of. literally a name referring to him as his biology...boy thats as deadname as it gets, huh? kill that shit and also danzō

Tenzō is also a name thats given to him, but to my understanding (all I know about the anbu arc is picked up thru osmosis lol) it’s a name that’s given to him twice, with affection. Once from Yukimi, who sees him as her brother (not a vessel for the first hokage’s powers, probably for the first time ever—even if it’s still another person’s name) He takes the name, gladly! Unfortunately danzō. anyway,

Later, when he starts to introduce himself to the non-root Anbu as Kinoe, Kakashi cuts him off and names him to the anbu as Tenzō. To my understanding: it’s a name at rest, not a name for one singular mission, but a name for his entire time in Anbu. It’s the name he keeps the longest. Again, it’s a name that’s given to him to him by somebody else, but it’s one that is given with the intention to free him of Kinoe, and all that Kinoe had to be. 

(A note on him getting annoyed with Kakashi for calling him Tenzō in main-plot:

Most of this is of course based off of personal experience, but I find it hard to believe that he would actively dislike Tenzō as a name since it was given with such sweet intentions—most of my names have been gifts, and the only one I’ve actively taken out of rotation has been bc i cannot stand the person who used it, and the way it was used, and while Anbu was certainly bad for Yamato...I don’t think it was quite that bad. I think him telling Kakashi to stop calling him Tenzō has more to do with the use of it where it doesn’t belong—for example, while it’s not exactly a name, I am happy to be called “mokutone” here, and you may notice my friends calling me by another name, but if any of those friends called me mokutone in DMs, I would be bothered by that.)

Yamato starts off as an empty codename, given to him for the purposes of his team 7 mission by the Hokage, but I think it gets such a loving and warm association from just...using out in the sunlight, with these kids that he comes to think so fondly of (he’s such a dad. god. he’s such a fucking dad) and with the friends he makes going out drinking and actually having time to socialize—and that means a lot! I think Yamato is probably the name which becomes most meaningful and like a home to him by the end of the series. This is the active name, the name where he is most himself. It’s vital for him to have that space to grow into! 

But that said, I personally feel like, if he were to continue beyond the edges of the story, this would not be the final name he bears. He’s probably well aware that a single name cannot contain who he is, or who he wants to be, and while being Given a name can be a beautiful thing (like i said, most of my names are gifts! i treasure them.) I think that, for his character arc, I would like him to name himself at some point. Even if it’s a name that only exists for private spaces, I want him to complete that self determination, to at least try it out, even if ultimately Yamato is the name everyone else will know him by.

Physical Transition Stuff

i will confess i hurt to imagine these shinobi binding 😭😭 even if an individual is binding safely (well made binder, no more than 8 hours, AND No Physically Intense Activity) they stand to risk hurting themself! In real life we gotta balance out the physical pain and the pain of dysphoria, but this is naruto and I’m Gonna Play Some Headcanon Games!

If chakra is both a kind of spiritual energy as well as directly connected to the body (as we learned in the hyūga fight) then it stands to reason that by manipulating ones own chakra, they can manipulate the body, or at least the way the body changes (such as naruto’s healing factor) 

This probably is not the safest thing to do unless you’re a mednin or following the directions of one, LMAO

The second the hell of puberty started up for Tenzō he tried to hold it back by sheer force of willpower + chakra manipulation alone 

but, manually controlling one’s chakra is like trying to prevent a stream from flowing with your hands alone, which is to say: an exhausting uphill battle.

 He’d probably only be doing it on his down time and not on a mission, but even still the most I bet he could make it doing that without getting figured out is two months.

Luckily blockers are readily available, Tenzō just had no idea and, gender being a private experience for him, was trying to handle the whole thing entirely on his own. Soon after attempting to self-regulate hormones him-fucking-self like a very valid but desperate fool, he gets an appointment, gets a prescription, and can chill out and not have to be as hellishly aware of his body constantly.

 Konoha mednin will say trans rights even if the village itself is garbage, this series is so god damn weird already, nobody can tell me a ninja taking hormones is somehow weirder than a ninja taking his dead best friends genetic superpower eye.

TWO WEEKS, THREE SPARS, AND ONE VERY EMOTIONALLY DRAINING CONVERSATION LATER:

u might think kakashi is passing him a water bottle and they both look so exhausted bc its post spar but no. physically theyre fine, but the emotional toll of having to talk about something either of them care at all about? miracle they survived.

[writing-with-olive]

hello! I’ve followed you for a little while and i love your blog <3

i wanted some advice if you didn’t mind: i have a non-binary character but they lean more heavily towards ‘female’ since that was their gender at birth so is it okay for me to keep their pronouns as ‘she\her’? i was thinking to add a little detail to make it known that she’s still non-binary, like a bracelet

i wasn’t sure how to go about this since i’ve also seen writers use ‘they’ as a more common pronoun, so i felt it would be best to ask and be careful

hope you’re having a nice day :)

Hey @milucient!

Quick answer: yes that is absolutely okay! There's really no "right" way to be nonbinary in real life, which means there's no single "right" way to write nonbinary characters. If she's canonically nonbinary, she's canonically nonbinary.

(more details below the cut)

Another thing is that nonbinary is a catch-all term for any identity that doesn't fall within the "man-woman you have to pick one or the other" system. But something that's started to crop up as the label is becoming something more people are feeling safe enough to outwardly identify with is that there's starting to be gender norms for it too, even though the whole point is to break out of those gender norms. To fit into those gender norms, you have to use they/them pronouns, wear a mix of feminine and masculine clothes, have hair that doesn't match your gender at birth, etc. It's beginning to become almost pinned-down gender. And it's fine for someone to be all those things, they're still hella valid, but the expectation that someone has to fit them if they're nonbinary undermines the whole point of the label.

I think the reason many writers (myself included) often use they/them pronouns is two-fold. It makes it clear that the character's nonbinary, as most cis people use either she/her or he/him, as do many binary trans people - basically, it emphasizes that part of their identity without needing to make a super flamboyant deal out of it. Secondly, it helps to normalize the singular use of "they" which is one of the biggest talking points people use when they want to call someone she/her or he/him instead of they/them. And yeah, we need more rep of people using they/them pronouns, but we also more nonbinary rep in general. That means more rep where people are nonbinary but don't conform to the the almost standards of nonbinaryness.

When it comes to representation, there IS NO ONE SIZE FITS ALL.

Good rep is about having MORE REP. Yeah, there are definitely no-no's to avoid, but there will always be people who's experiences don't line up perfectly with a character's experiences, even if they use the same identity label. There's a reason people aren't running around trying to create perfect male representation - there's already so much of it that people can just find the stuff they want. There's something that appeals to everyone.

So.... uh... this got kinda ranty, but the gist of it is that yes, you can absolutely give your character she/her pronouns, and also here's some background you didn't exactly ask for about why that's my opinion. Happy writing!

[djmarinizelablog]

A Conversation with the Author of City Comma State, kippielovesyou/ForcedSimile

Had a short interview with the author of City Comma State, @kippielovesyou/ForcedSimile and asked her if I could share our conversation online---she said yes!

Did you know that Hange and Levi in her work was based on Spongebob and Squidward's interactions?

Read the entire transcript below:

-------------------------------------

djmarinizela (D): if i may ask, where and how did you learn to write so good? what inspired you to write city comma state?

kippielovesyou (K): i don't mind at all! it's genuinely just years of practice. i've been scribbling stories since kindergarten (i had a long standing multi part series in first grade about all my classmates). i think one thing is certain: having a strong understanding of characters whether you borrow them or they are your own is pretty key.

a lot of points [in Isayama's story] could have been better thought out or tighter. however, we all love his characters. a weak plot (or in the case of city comma state: no plot) can be ignored or forgiven if everyone loves the characters

i'll be honest, i spend a lot of time trying to understand why a character does things or reacts a certain way. and yes, sometimes, that means i act out scenes in my car while driving. it's embarrassing...

there's a lot more to it, but to me that's the most important thing

as far as how city comma state came about: i wanted to do a slow burn romance centered around levihan, but I also wanted to show how all these characters care about and support each other. i knew in the confines of the AoT world, anyone could die at any moment and that didn't work with the softer feelings i wanted people to enjoy. how can you enjoy the friendship between mike and hange if he dies? it's possible, but it upends all the warmth we were enjoying. so i wrote an AU. i wanted to keep levi with a rough background with many walls, and i wanted hange to have her own issues that they can work through together. and i love the idea of them adopting/supporting the 104th kids without the fear of sending them out to war

D: your answer is so profound and helpful, thank you so much! I can honestly say you pretty nailed it when it comes to character development---everyone has a character arc in your fic! [my next question] is about the gender discourse in your story. I know you started City Comma State pretty early in 2014, but even back then, the nonbinary identity wasn't widely known before. How were you able to flesh out the discourse on the LGBTQIA+ spectrum and play it out on the dialogues and backstories?

K: it's pretty funny, a lot of the LGBTQIA+ has always been discussed i my family. we've had gay, lesbian, trans, gnc, bi and asexual people in my family for generations, as far back as the 20s (that we're aware of). hange's gender being debated made it a prime opportunity to write such an experience, some of which is borrowed from my own life. when i read older chapters i see certain slips in dialogue where i could have made an effort to be more neutral. we're in such a binary society that sometimes even if you feel in between, it slips in. in fact, i'm sure some people might take issue with the fact that i stuck with she/her for hange. i'm not sure i'd make a different decision today. i like this version of hange the way she is, and i hope hange's nb/gnc status comes across in more than just pronouns. hange's full identity is so much more than that and that is what i wanted to explore. and i think no matter where you fall on the whole LGBTQIA+ spectrum, you are more than just the label you've chosen. yes, in this story levi is bi/pan. but i don't think he ever says that explicitly, and he avoids labels. it seems fussy to him, which feels levi. discourse would not be his thing. i think even having a debate about whether or not he was bi or pan wouldn't be something he would want to engage in, he just wants to do what he wants. instead it's heavily implied. i think we forget since so many of us experience this discourse online and want to label things that there are people who don't want to involve themselves in it. it goes back to how would this character act. for instance, based on how levi is in canon, i can see many ways to interpret his sexuality. there's cues for a lot of different takes. but levi doesn't seem like the type that would need a definitive label in order to be happy. there's many ways to interpret hange's gender (and i've written several takes, some where they're more insistent on their pronouns), but i think hange's more excited to explore life than worry too much about much about how they're addressed or how someone talks about them. maybe another character might be more caught up in labels but hange and levi not so much

D: No, don't be sorry, I am more than thankful for your answer. I really appreciate it! I don't get to have these kinds of conversations with other writers, so I am grateful for your insights.

K: a really funny anecdote for you: i loosely based the idea of my levihan off of spongebob and squidward. you know, since they start out as neighbors and hange is more invasive than levi is used to

D: that's.... a stretch. but thanks for the tidbit! was the annual star wars contest also something that you do in your family? that part as well as all the geeky references won me over tbh!

K: it was an extremely loose inspiration! but hange mowing her lawn in the middle of the night so levi wouldn't be mad at her is on par with a spongebob move. and um...my family, while they can be a little nerdy, is not nerdy enough to do the star wars tournament! i made that up entirely

i just imagined hange having eccentric family, so they have very unusual traditions that none of the children question

i'll be the first to say a lot of city comma state is unrealistic and a little bit of a domestic fantasy. there's a lot of problems with money, employment and such that hange and levi SHOULD have but that's a little too real and not what i want to be the focus of this story. like hange landing a job that gives her a day off and she doesn't suffer a severe pay cut as a result? unrealistic. but i have other things i want to tackle. plus, in canon we have humans that turn into giants and 3D maneuver gear which would probably kill its user in real life. i think making certain parts of this fanfic a little idealistic is okay

D: are there other works that influence your writing? or authors that inspire you to write?

K: There's too many influences to count. reading is so important and even things that are bad are helpful. i actually was trying to read a YA series that seemed really cool and i had to stop reading because so many things were so annoying (I won't reveal which, since i think it has a small but dedicated fandom and i don't want to rain on their parade, it is purely a taste thing to some degree). instead of being upset and thinking that I wasted my time, i took note of what made me stop reading (that is a long list of things i didn't like so i won't bother to outline each one). even if it's something as small as a fanfiction that you had to click out of, ask yourself why you stopped. Especially with fanfiction: you already like these characters, what you're looking for is usually pretty specific (a pairing, an au, a specific scenario, etc). why, when this author has ticked all your superficial boxes, did you stop reading? and when you love something as yourself why. Ask yourself why you love the source material even! do you really love the plotlines and the world or do you love the characters? Is the dialogue strong? something to also pay attention to: people in general. how do they speak, gestures, facial expressions. really listen to how people talk (Youtube podcasts are really good for this!).

i think people would be surprised, a lot of what i really like to read is very all over. from surrealist novels, to classic literature, to science fiction aimed at children (i'm finally reading animorphs after almost 20 years!). and what i write for original fiction doesn't reflect what i'm probably best known for.

D: thanks for this, Kippie! looking forward to reading more of your works!

K: i'm still amazed at the response! writing is so solitary to me and i don't really look at my numbers. it never occurred to me that people would be discussing my fic!

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If you haven't read Kippie's Levihan fic yet, here's the link to get started: City Comma State

[btsandvmin]

Do you think any of the bts members are part of the lgbtq+ community? I assume you think vmin are, what makes you think that? I kinda feel like jimin could be bi... while tae gay maybe? And Yoongi could be bi as well. Tbh they all kinda give off gay vibes, but I guess it's bc of the cultural difference and bc they are all so close... so they may do things that seem a lot to many people but not to them... so who knows? A lot could be fan service too. But Namjoon and Jin are the ones who definitely give me straight vibes (Jin a bit less tho). What do you think?

I think there might be members that are LGBT+, but of course that’s just based on how I percieve things. I apologize in advance for this answer being a bit messy... As you say there are many things that make such speculation difficult.

Honestly putting definite labels on someone is not something I really want to or think we can do... Sometimes the members do things that might indicate interest in various genders, but that’s still too vague to define a sexuality for me. Unless they say something themselves, I don’t think we can know. 

I mean, even assuming someone you know is LGBT+ is gay, pan, bi etc. with a specific label without them having told you is so common and can even lead to mislabeling someone. One obvious example is how bi-erasure makes someone go from straight to being gay when they start dating someone of the same gender etc. There are so many types of sexualites and gender expressions to begin with. Some don’t even accociate with a label at all. For example I personally think Namjoon seems to be attracted to women, but even if that is a correct guess it doesn’t have to mean he is straight. 

It’s very complicated, at least for me, to dive too deep into it with anything except “hunches or guesses” based on behavior and actions. This becomes even more complicated when we add difference in culture, idol fanservice, personal comfortableness with intimacy, level or homophobia or supportive people around them and personal experience etc. 

BTS likely can’t even be honest with their sexualities if they are LGBT+ and that makes it even more difficult to know depending on if they even want to show that part of themselves or not. Internalized homobhobia can be very strong, even though I suspect BTS being more and more open towards LGBT+ might help if members are non straight. And we still don’t know anything about how their families or friends would react etc. Not to mention we know a lot of fans would hate them and leave them if they ever proved to definitely be non straight. So them hiding being LGBT is obviously going to make it more difficult to guess if any member might be LGBT+, if they on purpse try to not show it. For example saying some things are not for men to do, or being careful with how they come across. Something I personally think Jimin for example might have done more in the past, as he is aware how he can fit into a lot of stereotypes for what is “gay” or feminine. The same goes for Hobi who can be very flamboyant. And while these things can be an indication for sexuality or gender identity they don’t have to be. Especially not when idols even get encouraged at times to act or more “delicate or feminine” or do fanservice with the same sex etc. There are a lot of blurred lines, and those lines can be a bit fluid as well...

There are also soooo many colors of the rainbow that I don’t think it’s weird for a lot of idols to be part of the community in some ways, even if they might never openly be so. Some might also be allies, some might be curious or unsure about themselves and some might be in straight up denial as well.

So, I rather just guess if they might be LGBT+ than what exact label, because going in to detail is so personal and different from person to person.

I also want to say again, that “straight until proven otherwise” honestly needs to go away, and assuming someone is straight is a toxic way to assume sexuality. Not to mention it’s much more harmful to shut down conversations about them possibly being LGBT+ than mistaking a straight person for possibly LGBT+. A LGBT+ person might have no choice to hide (very likely in the case of idols), so showing we are open and supportive no matter what is what matters the most.

That being said I feel it’s very very likely at least some members are LGBTQ+ if not for anything else than comments like “when we don’t have boyfriends or girlfriends” from Namjoon and other moments like it, in combination with their support for the community. At the very least they are allies.

Personally the way some members involve themselves in LGBT+ culture in various ways I see as something to more likely happen when you are part of the community yourself and not just an ally. But BTS having the influence they have of course it could all also be meant to be inclusive and show support as they have for various causes. That’s why it all still remains uncertain.

I will make a more articulate section on Taehyung and Jimin’s possibly being LGBT+ in my bigger analysis. But I will try to summarize a little bit of my thoughts in this answer and hope that it all makes sense.

Big Hit in general and in particular Bang PD seem to be pretty open and LGBT+ friendly. Many concepts of Big Hit artists can have LGBT+ subtext. It’s not always explicit, but something many rainbow ARMY might pick up on, like the storyline between JK and Yoongi in the BU. For example reading Demian which the whole BST era is based on I personally see a lot of LGBT+ subtext in that book (which is then also fitting with other things we know about Hermann Hesse’s life). But a lot of people won’t pick up on it and we can’t know for sure because no one ever explicitly says it is meant to be LGBT+.

Many BTS members support LGBT+ artists, it doesn’t have to be because of them being LGBT+ but it wouldn’t be odd for them to search for representation and artists to relate to if they are LGBT+ themselves. Mostly we have seen Tae, Namjoon and JK being more “loud” witht their support for LGBT+ artists, songs, movies, books etc.

Namjoon, Tae and JK have all expressed support in various ways directly to LGBT+ fans that have showed up to fansites.

Members like Yoongi has straight up said it’s nothing wrong, everyone is equal, when Namjoon was a bit more “diplomatical” and tried to swerve the question a bit. Both could still be LGBT+, and both could be allies, even with very different reactions.

I think all members have their moments to show LGBT+ support, and all members have “questionable moments” that makes people speculate about their sexualities. For me Tae, Namjoon, Yoongi and JK seem to be the most open about support or showing interesting in LGBT+ things. But that can also have to do with their personalities, or even feeling less scared to show support.  In some cases it might even be easier for an ally to speak up for someone LGBT+ when they can’t themselves, as in a closeting situation.

I know you asked about all members, but I want to be honest and say that while I do know a bit about all of them, I do know a lot more about some members than others. I am also kind of sitting here and aren’t sure I can say more than I think all of BTS are allies, and that it seems likely at least some members are LGBT+. I have seen small things from basically all members, but I haven’t seen enough to lean heavily towards any particular sexuality. So, while I am sharing my thoughts here they can sway back an forth a lot and can very much just be based on misinterpretation. It can also be difficult to put a definite reason to why I react more to some members doing similar things.

Based on actions alone, because I try not to bring in vibes, I guess the short summary would be:

Jin - Has talked the most about wanting a girlfriend, and while he has said things like his celeberity crush is Brad Pitt I haven’t seen a lot with him in regards to LGBT+. To me less likely to be LGBT+.

Yoongi - Has been very firm with being supportive of LGBT+ and has had both lyrics and interviews that could be interpreted as gender not being important to him in general. Doesn’t show a lot, but the things he does say seem very pointed and deliberate. To me more likely to be LGBT+.

Namjoon - Has been the loudest since the earliest with his support for LGBT+. Wrote LGBT+ lyrics for Glam but also very sexual lyrics about women in early songs. Has talked about queer culture a lot and while he seems careful at times has expressed a lot of open support. Enjoys a lot of queer culture and has recomended movies, songs and books. Has showed more personal interest towards women, but seem very interested in LGBT+. Definitely an ally, likely into women, but also very possibly into other genders. To me more somewhere “in the middle” or more likely LGBT+.

Hobi - Has done subtle things like wearing rainbow belts during pride, but seemed to start being more LGBT+ supportive when all of BTS did so. Could possibly be non straight or also just very comfortable with himself and an ally. (He has “effiminate or flamboyant” behavior but I don’t want to lean too much into that.) Buuuut he also accidentally said stuff like “boyfriend”. To me “somewhere in the middle”, or more likely to be LGBT+.

JK - Seem to avoid questions about women/crushes and sometimes even answering with men (Like Namjoon or Ironman). Is the most “feminine” according to members (though that was a while ago) and is very open to expressing things in a gender neutral way. The member who has said the least in regards to masculine stereotypes like “men should” and also one of the members who is the loudest about LGBT+ artists. Also having done covers by LGBT+ artists without changing pronouns. To me more likely to be LGBT+.

I am fully aware I just basically said I think almost all members are likely to be LGBT+. But I really try to just look at them as individuals. It’s also as I said much more difficult for me to be able to truly know their thoughts in regards to LGBT+ based on such limited information as the subject in itself is partly taboo. It’s also possible with such a close knit group that if some members are LGBT+ that will affect and make other members more open as well. Basically the way BTS express support doesn’t have to be personal for all of them.

However, despite it all I think Taehyung is the member who seems to be the “most loud” in a personal way when it comes to LGBT+ (and also Yoongi). For me it makes sense with their personalities and how they are outspoken in general for something they believe in. @romanticdrift​ recently answered an ask (HERE) with a lot of good points, and in particular when it comes to Taehyung’s possible sexuality. This is why I feel Jin who also is quite outspoken in general but haven’t talked a lot (at least not to my knowledge) about LGBT+ things feel more like an ally in comparison. 

For me there are many things about Taehyung over the years I can’t help but think of when it comes to LGBT+ and have given me reason to wonder about Taehyung himself being part of the community. Especially when putting them all together it seems to be something important to him.

Talking about many things and people from queer culture. Not just enjoying them but sharing it with fans.

Singing songs like Stigma about being a sinner for something you can’t help or change. Many of Taehyung’s songs many LGBT+ fans relate to.

The reference to the gay movie “Moonlight” in a self written song, and most of Tae’s songs being gender neutrual. (All except Winter Bear).

The meaning of the color purple as the last color of the rainbow.

Saying “thank you” to fans with a pride flag at a concert.

Since early on having no problem with crossdressing or other things that might “look gay” (there are also moments where he has objected like “men don’t do...” as most BTS members have). But we also have things like randomly doing roleplay where he can’t be together with Jimin. I mention this because it wasn’t for a camera, but something Jin told us.

Talking about the reason for his Christmas song not being with Jimin. The fact that he highlighted the reason as the lyrics not fitting two men and going on to say he doesn’t think he will ever release it. To me this is probably the most personal example where Tae seems bothered about something homophobic.

Basically there is something in the way Taehyung expresses his support that just seem more personal, and more tied to himself. He isn’t just loud with support ike some other members, he expresses things like he relates to it more openly.

For Jimin I think he is more difficult with actual examples of openly supporting or expressing things LGBT+. And it’s difficult looking at him without going into gender norms and falling into sterotype traps as well. I do think Jimin has changed a lot and as many other members wear a lot more gender neutrual clothes etc. If I make this about Vmin I would even say Jimin’s image properly seemed to become a bit more “soft” around the time Taehyung gave him the Gucci sweater, which was gender neutral. Think more Jimin in sweater paws and soft oversized clothes. 

It could also be an image change as Spring Day era definitely brought a lot of softer Jimin. However, I want to emphasis here that Jimin still to this day has a lot of styles and outfits that are also very masculine. And that many other members also wear gender neutral clothes. Not to mention that clothes can express things without being tied to sexuality or gender of the person who wears them.

For me I think it can be even more ambigious with clothes only because often we don’t know if they decided the clothes or if it was a choice by a stylist etc. And we know most members have worn gender neutral clothes or womens clothes, especially for performances or photoshoots. So personal clothes I see as of more importance. For example Yoongi wearing very limited edition Pro-LGBTQ+ shoes as his personal clothes (HERE).

Back to Jimin... I personally see Jimin as a very aware and careful person when it comes to how he is percieved in general. Thus if he is LGBT+ I think he unlike Taehyung would likely be more careful. So, Jimin showing less directly LGBT+ support might be a choice out of acting careful. No matter if he is LGBT+ himself or not. But it does make things more vague. But he also painted the symbol of bigender on himself, so.

The things I have noted except for his image over the years are fewer than with many other members, and I try to not to put too much weight on his looks and manners and “vibes”, even if those things can be because of him being LGBT+.

Jimin has sometimes acted a bit defensive about his sexuality/masculinity, but he has never denied the possibility of him liking men despite getting asked.

Jimin is a member who has perhaps the most (together with Tae and Hobi) showed a liking for fanservice between members. (Doesn’t have to show his sexuality, but could also be a place where he gets to express something he usually can’t).

Lie is a song about not showing your true self and hurting/being punished. Jimin has been very vague when speaking of the meaning of the song. It’s a song many LGBT+ fans also relate to.

Jimin is a naturally flirty person, and the flirting doesn’t seem to be limited to one gender. But, it doesn’t have to be flirting based on attraction.

The bigender symbol in the hero photoshoot and the Filter performance playing with gender identity.

In general, there is just a lot less direct things when it comes to Jimin and LGBT+. Which doesn’t surprise me considering his personality. There are moments of course, like liking LGBT+ artists like Kehlani or reacting to pride flags at concerts. But at least to me there is a lot less to actually analyze when it comes to Jimin and LGBT+ moments and that makes things more difficult. So, to me Jimin is probably someone I am more unsure of, which might be surprising to some of you, especially considering this is a Vmin blog. But because of Jimin’s personality and early reactions/behavior I also am not at all surprised if he is more careful on purpose, especially if he is LGBT+.

Interesting to me as a Vmin shipper is also that quite a few of Taehyung’s LGBT+ things could possibly be related to Jimin. For example the line from “Moonlight” in 4 o’clock or Tae asking if Jimin can “be the girlfriend” while roleplaying. Not to mention the Christmas song of course. But I don’t want to use things from Taehyung to try and guess about Jimin. Basically looking at only them as individuals Jimin is less likely to be LGBT+ than Tae, but I do still think the chance of both of them being queer is there.

And if I then dive into Vmin's behavior with each other assuming they are both queer, that might show some interesting things too. But that will always be based on the IF, not as proof for their sexualites.

So, that was my view... I have been asked about this quite a few times, and I hope this post made sense. I know it was long and messy, but that’s also because sexuality can be such a difficult topic.

Thanks for the ask. If you enjoyed this and want to support me you can like, reblogg, comment or check out my Ko-Fi page: https://ko-fi.com/K3K43433H

[traincat]

if you dont mind i would love to hear your thoughts on how and why peter seems to be more fulfilled by lower paying jobs (i.e photography, teaching) rather than by high paying jobs in STEM

(Sorry for the wait, anon! I did get this first ask, as you can see, it’s just that sometimes I tend to hoard asks that I want to give long in-depth answers to and then they get buried.)

So I think to best answer this the first thing we have to do is look at Peter’s 616 employment history -- what jobs he’s had when and for approximately how long. So here we have a more or less definitive list -- I may have skipped over a few minor jobs that aren’t important in the long run of the character history, but for the most part this is accurate. For the sake of brevity I am not going to count things he’s done as Spider-Man that have earned him money, like a brief bodyguard stint or his occasional time with the Avengers, because this is really more about his identity as Peter Parker and how his civilian employment plays into his life as Spider-Man than about his life as Spider-Man.

Works for the Daily Bugle on and off, through a variety of positions from part time to salaried, from the age of 15 onwards. Primarily a photographer. How good of a photographer Peter actually is varies from writer to writer, but he remains unmatched in his ability to get certain shots ranging from ones of Spider-Man (duh) to particularly high risk environments (different duh). He also briefly worked for rival newspaper the Daily Globe, the Bugle’s main competitor. His position as a full time newspaper photographer is his most well known (and most consistent) job.

A TA in grad school at Empire State University. At this point in time he labeled himself as having “the wrong temperament” for teaching -- and I would personally say I think his stints teaching college are much less engaging than high school.

Published author. His book, Webs, a collection of his Spider-Man photography, was a major bestseller that sent him on a book tour around the country. I hesitated sticking this on here because it’s very tied into his work with the Bugle -- and he was still working for the Bugle when the book was published -- but I figured it was worth including for the novelty of the fact that Peter’s technically a best selling author/artist.

Peter worked as a scientist at Galannan Alternative Research for Immunization Development (GARID) in Portland after his clone Ben Reilly took over the identity of Spider-Man. Although often overlooked in discussions of Peter’s job history, I think his stint at GARID is important in part because it illustrates how much of Peter’s time being Spider-Man took up and how a job with flexible hours was necessary for that balancing act. When he was working at GARID, Peter wasn’t Spider-Man, so it wasn’t difficult for him to keep a position at a laboratory. 

I mean granted the GARID job didn’t last long and there was sort of a whole big mutated monster case going on with it but you know. Anyway he pretty quickly moved back to New York and started working for the Bugle again.

Peter’s next major job at a lab comes in another period where he’s supposed to have quit being Spider-Man. (Which he did, very temporarily, and then he very much didn’t. Anyway, you’re seeing the pattern here.) He briefly worked at Tricorp, a private brain trust. This is a really short-lived position, even as Peter’s science gigs go, because -- Spider-Man.

At this point things get dicey employment-wise as Peter heads into a weird period of canon where Mary Jane was presumed dead. She wasn’t! But everyone thought she was. It was weird. When MJ came back (and promptly left for LA, not that I blame her), Peter exited this period of limbo by becoming a science teacher at his old school, Midtown High. This is the main career, beside news photography, that I think he really shines in.

Civil War/One More Day/Brand New Day hit and completely tank the direction of Spider-Man history. Peter’s marriage is erased by the devil and also he’s not a high school teacher anymore, for some reason, even though nobody remembers he’s Spider-Man anymore which is the reason he initially lost the Midtown High job. Make it make sense. Anyway, in Marvel’s desperate scramble to take Spider-Man back to the unmarried basics, as if they even got new readers that way, Peter returned to photography. When Dexter Bennett bought the Bugle out from under JJJ while JJJ was sick, Peter began working for the newly minted “DB” as a tabloid photographer. It wasn’t great.

He also briefly at some point in here worked at a comic book store for like five minutes. Mostly he complained about people who read comic books and made jokes about how he doesn’t get along with the X-Men. 

Under Slott’s run, Peter began working at Horizon Labs. Slott had a pretty major problem with Peter’s genius not being “recognized enough” and constantly had him inventing new things, showing off, etc. 

Horizon Lab became Parker Industries under Otto Octavius when he bodyjacked Peter during Superior Spider-Man and made himself CEO. When Peter got his body back, he was still CEO. It was bad but Peter did tank the company on purpose so that Otto and also nazis couldn’t get their hands on it, which was sort of fun. 

Peter went back to work for the Bugle, but as their science editor, because Slott was still in charge and there was some weird commentary about photography not being an adult job. Which I think is pretty weird in a medium that’s very dependent on visual art. But okay.

Then Peter got fired because he was busted for plagiarism of Otto Octavius’ work... that Otto did himself... while he was in Peter’s body... and Peter couldn’t reveal this because then he’d have to explain... and maybe I hate comics. 

In MC2 he becomes a forensic scientist! I really like this for him actually. I think it combines his interests and experiences in a very thoughtful way. But I do want to note it’s after a Spider-Man career ending injury, so again there’s not a real conflict there between his work as Spider-Man and a career.

Peter I think is an especially interesting case in how his character ties into his employment history because one of the first things he does in his story is figure out how to make money, and he does this because the Parkers don’t have any. If Ben and May were comfortable -- even comfortable enough that their teenaged nephew was unaware of financial pressures -- Spider-Man’s story would be completely different. But Peter immediately feels he pressure to use his new powers to earn money, at first with brute strength. And what he says he’s going to do with his earnings is that he’s going to take care of Ben and May:

(Amazing Fantasy #15) So the concept of Peter as someone who is very aware of financial pressure and who is pretty explicitly linking money to support is present from the absolute beginning. But at the same time, there’s a kind of selfishness presented in him here -- he’s only going to take care of Ben and May. They’re the only ones he cares about here, because as he’s stated they’re the only ones who have ever “been kind” to him. Peter at the beginning of his story is very rooted in his anger and his bitterness, and it takes him losing Uncle Ben -- because it wasn’t Peter’s “job” to stop the burglar -- to get him to the point where he starts to be able to see beyond that.

Ben’s death also heightens the Parker’s financial pressures -- Ben is the primary earner in the household. (Aunt May in the original context of the early 1960s was most likely a homemaker, and as an older woman especially she wouldn’t be expected to have a job. But even moving the timescale up to a point where she would be expected as a woman to hold down a job, it’s important to note that early in Spider-Man canon Aunt May is depicted as being in very poor physical health.) While it’s not clear in the initial Spider-Man stories what Ben did, it’s clear that with his death whatever income the Parkers had coming in abruptly stops:

(ASM #1) This sets in concrete one of the central conflicts Peter and May have -- both of them lie to protect the other. Peter feigns being an ordinary boy in order to protect May from the stress of his secret life as Spider-Man, worried that she wouldn’t be strong enough to handle the danger he regularly puts himself in. But this is a learned behavior, and here we see that he most likely learned it from May: she doesn’t want him to worry about the very deep financial troubles they’re obviously in, so she pawns her jewelry, and she stresses to him the importance of his education. Again I have to note that there are some pretty significant social differences between the 1960s and today in regards to this story -- Betty Brant, for example, notes that she had to drop out of school and become a secretary because of her own family’s financial problems, something she’s ashamed of. So early Spider-Man is very rooted in money, class, education, and how those things intersect. I think it should be noted that the only early Spider-Man characters who are financially well-off are Liz, Gwen, and Harry. (We don’t know anything about Flash’s financial situation in early Spider-Man comics but retroactively we know his family situation is not well-off.) In high school, Liz’s father is a bigshot who owns a dining club, but later on the Allans experience financial hardship with Liz quite literally being on the streets when Peter reunites with her when he’s in college. Harry’s father is a rich businessman, but from the beginning he’s depicted as emotionally negligent, caring more about money than spending time with his son:

(ASM #40) “After all... I had a business to care of! Money was the most important thing of all! I had to get rich! I needed wealth... for that was the key to power!” So right away you have this link between wealth, corruption, and negligence. Norman’s pursuit of wealth is his given reason for his neglect of Harry. Later on we’d learn that Norman’s father was also abusive and that that abuse formed Norman’s ideas about power and wealth. (Spider-Man! It’s about cycles of abuse!) There’s a very contrast between Norman’s attitudes here and the Parkers loving (but poor) household. Gwen is the only exception here -- she and her father are depicted as comfortable, most likely edging into wealthy, although on nowhere the level the Osborns have been elevated to. But compared to Peter, Flash, and Mary Jane especially -- all from poor households, with MJ and Flash’s fathers both being abusive -- Gwen’s home situation is the picture of stability, both in terms of economic status and in terms of her loving and very present father.

My goal in outlining all of this isn’t to say that Spider-Man’s message is definitively “money is bad” because I don’t think it is. I think as a series Spider-Man is very aware of the comfort that money can provide. But I think there is a frequent message about excess in Spider-Man -- excess power, excess wealth. As Norman says above, in his eyes, money is the key to power. With great power, comes great responsibility. In Norman hoarding and abusing his wealth, he abuses his power. If he provides for Harry, it is solely through money -- there is no love or devotion in Norman’s money-focused world. And I think that’s important when you look at where Peter starts in his story, before Uncle Ben’s death. He’s going to use his powers to make a lot of money and he’s going to provide for Ben and May but he’s not going to care about the world outside of that. I think one of the interesting things about Peter -- and this is where Slott’s run especially fails the character -- is that he’s not interesting in getting rich. He’d like to be comfortable, for sure -- he’d like to have enough money to not have worry about it, to not have the need to hustle impede what he can do as Spider-Man, to be able to take care of his family. (And there’s some machismo stuff linked in here for him too -- in the early days of their marriage the fact that Mary Jane earns much more than him is something he struggles with.) But he doesn’t care about being rich. He doesn’t care about the money; he cares about the support that the money would bring. 

That feels like a simple statement but I think it’s actually a really big distinction, especially when you’re analyzing a character. And I think it’s because Peter understands that value that it makes him so empathetic to others who have financial struggles. One of my favorite short self-contained Spider-Man stories is called Windfall, from Marvel Fanfare #42, where a mixup with a check embroils Peter in the personal affairs of a bank teller, a young single mother who is fired from her job ultimately because she refused the advances of her boss. Peter gets her her job back -- through blackmailing the boss for his other sexual affairs, which some people might think is immoral of him, but I think really speaks to Peter’s understanding of how the greater world works, and what he’s prepared to do to get bigger justice. But more importantly he uses his own money to pay the young woman’s rent, and he does it in a way where she never even knows it’s him. Because he understands her situation, the way someone who had grown up comfortable never could. And that understanding I think puts him a place where it’s more important for him to both keep that understanding and maintain that ability to act relatively freely, in the way that bigger, more prestigious positions in scientific fields might restrict him. There’s a reason he keeps getting fired from these scientific positions and it’s not that he can’t get them, because we can see from his employment history very clearly that he can. It’s because the freedom to act as Spider-Man and what he can do as Spider-Man is ultimately more important to him.

And while high school teacher is my number one favorite profession Peter has ever had, I think that his position as a newspaper photographer is also very important to the character’s history, in part because the Bugle is such a big part of his life and the connections he’s made but also because the Daily Bugle itself is important. I think it’s interesting to note that two of the biggest superheroes of all time from both of the big companies -- Spider-Man from Marvel and Superman from DC -- have had long running journalism jobs, Peter as a photographer and Clark as a reporter. I don’t think I really have to go into a whole thing about how good journalists are so important and why it matters that we have these incredibly famous mythic figures that are positioned in the roll of journalists specifically. But I do think it is important to Peter that he’s put in that position as someone who cares about uncovering the truth. So ultimately I think what I mean when I say Peter is more fulfilled by his jobs as a photojournalist and as a high school teacher than by his comparatively more high paying stints working as a scientist in a lab is that Peter gets the most fulfillment out of careers where he can actively see, day by day, that what he’s doing is helping people, and that it’s a very direct line from him to the people he’s helping. His efforts can’t be twisted, they can’t be used for other purposes the way they can within a larger organization. He has a line of control in what he can do to help other people. It’s like how Spider-Man functions best as a street level hero: what he does best is saving and helping individual people, on a case by case basis. And you can turn around and demonstrate that in his civilian life best in jobs where he gets to directly interact with people. And ultimately to Peter making that difference is more important than a better salary.

(Marvel Knights Spider-Man #9)

[haunt-i-ng]

Identity is so weird and fluid and changing all the time. I’m taking an Asian studies class this semester that focuses specifically on the relationships between multiple Asian countries and New Zealand, and as the lecturer kept going on and on about what Chinese immigrants feel growing up in NZ (alienation, bullying etc.) I kept thinking ‘this doesn’t apply to me, and I don’t think it’ll ever apply to me’. The weird thing is that I’ve somehow always felt out of place in Asian spaces, I’m Chinese, I’m not afraid of this fact about myself and I fully accept and nurture this facet of my identity, but I’ve never felt ‘comfortable’ in Asian spaces. Maybe it’s because I’d never been taught Cantonese like my grandparents speak (my mother barely knows it either), maybe it’s because I was one of four Asian kids at my primary school and yet the only way I felt different was because I was fatter and uglier than the other kids, maybe it’s a number of different things, it could be any number of things. But as soon as the word whitewashed comes up in my head I think ‘that can’t be true’, because my mother still acts like a classic Chinese mother, if a little defanged, and my list of recipes is mostly populated by Chinese foods that extend past stir fry and egg fried rice. I dream about going back to yum cha whenever I see my parents and try my best at tying zhongguo jie. I am Chinese, sometimes I do not feel Chinese but I will forever be. And suddenly I remember what the lecturer was saying, about alienation and never feeling quite at home and I realise he was right. I feel both welcome and alienated in my own identity, too white but also could never be white, never Chinese enough but could never shake the label. Maybe this is why I have an inherent abject to labels. I call myself only by my ethnicity and nationality, I am physically who I am, and culturally I don’t think I care to say out loud. Maybe I’m just to lazy to think about it more than this, but why bother putting a label on something when you’re really the only one who’s gonna experience your own experiences. I know myself and how I feel and I don’t and will not condense it down for anyone else. Someone’s cultural experiences cannot be squished down into all encompassing words, and you really don’t ever need them to be.

[kuromichad]

different subject that’s heavy on my mind rn but since i’m already being harsh let’s get into it. i wish it wasn’t automatically presumed to be some kind of truscum attitude when someone tries to express that different parts of The Trans Community have like, different needs and different risk levels and different experiences and that we have the ability to talk over each other, harm each other, etc... like when i put it that way people generally are like ‘of course that’s true!’ but is it ever really understood in practice? a number of people (not a large enough number, but still) are able to loosely understand ‘you can be trans and transphobic’ when it’s applied to the matter of transmisogyny but when a trans person tries to express distrust of or frustration with afab nb people due to how common it is that that category of person will, despite being trans/nb, espouse bioessentialist, anti-medical-transition, radfem-adjacent if not outright cryptoterf rhetoric, suddenly ‘trans people can be transphobic’ gets applied to... the person with a complaint about transphobia. 

because he’s clearly an evil truscum man! regardless of if the person making the complaint is a trans man or trans woman, oops, lol. he’s a bad person who is attacking and invalidating and totally hatecriming the heckin’ valid, equally at-risk transgender identity of “an afab woman who isn’t a woman except when she pointedly categorizes themself as a woman because being afab makes them a woman who is ‘politically aligned’ with women but she’s not an icky unwoke cis woman because they don’t like being forced into womanhood although Really When You Think About It 🤔 all women are dysphoric because obviously the pathologized medical diagnosis of gender dysphoria in transgender people is something that equally applies to cis women just default existing under patriarchy 🤔, and no, equating these things totally does not imply anything reductive about or add a bizarre moral dimension to the idea of being transgender, whaaaaat, this woman who isn’t a woman doesn’t think there’s anything immoral or cowardly or misogynist or delusional about being transgender, they would never say that because THEY’RE transgender, except when she feels it’s important (constantly) to make clear that she’s Still A Woman Deep Down Inherently Despite Not Identifying As One, and none of this ever has any effect on how they treat the concept, socially and politically, of people who actually wholly identify with (and possibly medically transition to) a gender different from the one they were assigned at birth, be it ‘the opposite gender’ or abstaining from binary gender altogether or ‘politically aligning’ with the ‘opposite’ gender from their asab. never ever!”

and like maybe that sounds like a completely absurd and hateful strawman to you! but in that case you’re either like, lucky, or optimistic, or ignorant. i’m literally not looking at random nb people and declaring that in My Truscum Opinion they’re ‘really a woman’ just because they’re not medically transitioning or meeting some arbitrary standard of mine. i am looking at self-identified afab nb people, who most often use she/they because, y’know, words mean things, especially pronouns, so people who are willingly ‘aligned with womanhood’ typically intentionally use she/her (sorry that i guess that’s another truscum take now!!! that pronouns mean things!!! the bigender transmasc who deliberately uses exclusively he/him wants it to invoke a perception he’s comfortable with!), who actively say the things listed above (in a non-sarcastic manner). 

like, the line between a person who says “i don’t claim to really not be my asab because i know no one would ever perceive me as anything else” because theyve internalized a defeatist attitude due to societal transphobia, and a person who says that because they... genuinely believe it’s impossible/ridiculous/an imposition to truly be transgender (in the traditional trans sense, beyond a vague nb disidentification with gender) and are actively contributing to the former person’s self loathing... is hard to define from a distance! i think plenty of people who are, in a sense, ‘tentative’ or like ‘playing close to home’ so to speak in their identity are ‘genuinely trans’ (whatever that may mean) and just going through a process. they might arrive at a different identity or might just eventually stop saying/believing defeatist stuff, who knows. but there are enough people saying it for the latter reason, or at least not caring if they sound that way, that it’s like, dangerous. it is actively incredibly harmful to other trans people. and it’s fucking ridiculous that it’s so difficult to criticize because you’ll always get the defense of “umm but i’m literally trans” and/or “well i’m just talking about ME, this doesn’t apply to other trans people” when it’s an attitude that very clearly seeps into their politics and the way they discuss gender.

because it’s just incredibly common for afab nb people (most typically those that go by she/they! since i’m aware that uh, i am also afab nb, but we clearly are extremely different, so that’s the best categorization i’ve got) to discuss gender in moralized terms, with the excuse of patriarchy/misogyny existing, which of course adds another difficult dimension to trying to criticize this because it gets the response of “don’t act like misandry is real” (it’s not, but being a dick still is) and “boohoo, let women complain about their oppressors” (this goes beyond ‘complaining’). a deliberate revocation of empathy/sympathy/compassion from men and projection of inherently malicious/brutish/cruel intent onto men (not solely in the justified generalizations ‘men suck/are dangerous’, but in specific interactions too) underpin a whole fucking lot of popular posts/discussions online, whether they’re political or casual/social, and it absolutely influences how people conceptualize and feel about transness. 

because ‘maleness is evil’ is still shitty politics even when you’ve slightly reframed it from the terf ‘trans women are evil because they’re Really Men and can never escape being horrific soulless brutes just as women can never escape being fragile morally superior flowers’ to the tumblr shethey “trans women who are out to me/unclockable are tolerable i guess because they’re women and women are good; anyone i personally presume to be a cis man, though, is still automatically evil, and saying trans men are Just As Bad is progressive of me, and it’s totally unrelated and apolitical that i think we should expand the concept of afab lesbianism so broadly that you can now be basically indistinguishable from trans men on literally every single level except for a declaration of ‘but i would never claim to be a man because i’m secure in the Innate Womanhood of the body i was born into, even as i medically alter that body because it causes me great gendered discomfort.’ none of this at all indicates that i feel there’s an immense moral/political gap between being an afab nb lesbian vs a straight trans man! it says nothing at all about my concept of ‘maleness’ and there’s no way this rhetoric bleeds into my perception of trans women and no way loudly talking about all this could keep trans people around me self-loathing and closeted, because i’m Literally Trans and Not A Terf!”

again, if that sounds like a hateful strawman, sorry but it’s not. i guess i’m supposed to be like ‘all of the many people ive seen saying these shitty things is an evil outlier who Doesn’t Count, and it’s not fair to the broad identity of afab shethey to not believe that every person who doesn’t outright say terfy enough things is a perfectly earnest valid accepting trans person who’s beyond criticism’ but like. this cannot be about broad validation. this can’t be about discarding all the bad apples as not really part of the group. we can’t be walking on eggshells to coddle what are essentially, in the end, Cis Feelings, because in the best cases this kind of rhetoric comes from naive people who are early and uncertain in their gender journey or whatever and are in the process of unraveling internalized transphobia, and in the easily observable worst cases these people are very literally redefining shit so that ‘actually all afab women are trans, spiritually, all afabs have dysphoria, we are all Equally oppressed by Males uh i mean cis men <3’ because, let’s be honest, they know that the moment they call themselves trans they get to say whatever they want about gender no matter how harmful it is to the rest of us. and those ideas spread like wildfire through the afab shethey “woman that’s not a woman” community that frankly greatly outnumbers other types of trans people online, because many of those people just do not have the experiences that lead you to really understand this shit and have to push back against concepts of gender that actively harm you as a trans person.

like that’s all i want to be able to say, is Things Are Different For Different Groups. and a willful ignorance of these differences leads to bad rhetoric controlling the overall discourse which gets people hurt. and even when concepts arise from it that seem positive and helpful and inclusive, in practice or in origin those ideas can still be upholding shit that gets other people hurt. like, i don’t doubt that many people are very straightforwardly happy and comfortable with an identity like ‘afab nb lesbian on testosterone’ and it would be ridiculous and hypocritical for me, ‘afab nb who wants to pass as a guy so he can comfortably wear skirts again,’ to act like that’s something that can’t or shouldn’t exist. it’s not about the identity itself, it’s about the politics that are popular within its community, and how the use of identities as moral labels with like, fucking pokemon type interactions for oppression effectiveness which directly informs the moral correctness of your every opinion and your very existence, is a shitty practice that gets people hurt and leads us to revoke empathy from each other.

like. sorry this is all over the place and long and probably still sounds evil because i haven’t thought through and disclaimered every single statement. but i’m like exhausted from living with this self-conscious guilt that maybe i’ve turned into a horrible evil truscum misogynist etc etc due to feeling upset by this seemingly inescapable approach to gender in lgbt/online circles that like, actively harms me, because when i vent with my friends all the stuff i’ve tried to explain here gets condensed down to referencing ‘she/theys’ as a category and that feels mean and generalizing and i genuinely dislike generalizations but the dread i feel about that category gets proven right way too often. it’s just like. this is not truscum this is not misgendering this is not misogyny. this is not about me decreeing that all transmascs have to be manly enough or dysphoric enough and all nbs have to be neatly agender and androgynous or something, i’m especially not saying that nb gender isn’t real lmao or even that it’s automatically wrong to partially identify with your asab; this is not me saying you can only medically transition for specific traditional reasons or that you don’t get a say on anything if you aren’t medically transitioning for whatever reason, now or ever. i just. want to be allowed to be frank about how... when there’s different experiences in a community we should like. acknowledge those differences and be willing to say that sometimes people don’t know what they’re talking about or that what they’re saying is harmful. without the primary concern being whether people will feel invalidated by being told so. because these are like, real issues, that are more important than politely including everyone, because that method is just getting vulnerable people drowned out constantly.

[kaaras-adaar]

Kaaras + Lingerie/Crossdressing

// I wanted to go more in depth about Kaaras and cross dressing in the bedroom. I had a big post about Kaaras and lingerie specific, but I can no longer find it.  First of all, that’s what I want to make clear: this is not something Kaaras does outside of the bedroom, this isn’t something that Kaaras does on a daily basis, it IS a sexual thing. It is something that causes and stirs sexual arousal out of him, not something that he would do on a day to day basis.

Under a cut for obvious reasons.

Cross dressing for Kaaras has nothing to do with identity. He is a cis male. Whilst he’s exceptionally open minded about those who are not cis, Kaaras does consider himself a male and identifies as a man, but he is also very aware of his femininity and need to feel soft. He’s comfortable with his masculinity, and if people were to insult him and call him a “girl” in some kind derogatory way, he’d not be offended. Kaaras believes women are equal to men and should be seen as such. He grew up with women, knows that they can be strong willed and physically strong and adept as well. He does not see softness as “only feminine” nor does he see hardness as “only masculine”. He believes people are PEOPLE, and all that gender stereotype bullshit is exactly that: bullshit. It’s not important to him and he doesn’t really care to think about it (except for equality of course).

However, you do also have to remember that Kaaras grew up around certain ideas and ideals. Even as a sheltered individual, he was subject to Fereldan culture and human customs. That does include certain dress codes.

There’s a vague line between this, because in medieval periods (such as Thedas), things like robes, peasant clothes, frocks and tunics are pretty unisex. This is why it doesn’t really extend to things like that. Kaaras grew up wearing peasant clothes, which were generally a dress. One long item of clothing tied off at the waist (I also have a post about KILT WEARING, too, but I’m not going to go into that here).

Kaaras’ cross dressing is lingerie/undergarment specific. These are clothes that are exclusive to women in a general understanding. These are items specifically labelled for women, because they are shaped for their bodies (underwear, stockings, bras, corsets etc). The idea is to show femininity, to capture it and make one feel, well… ultimately sexy.  

This was something Kaaras found out at a young age. When his father died, he was the only male of the household, between his mother, his adopted younger sister and his mentor. This was an exceptionally difficult time for Kaaras because he was just blooming into his teenage years (his father died when he was 12). It means Kaaras had a really difficult time coming to terms with his body, because he felt different from the women around him. He felt like they wouldn’t understand him, and ultimately, this was when Kaaras began to close himself off to his mother a lot. He began to feel uncomfortable and insecure about himself because he didn’t have any male influence anymore. He already lacked in friends because of him being a qunari, so he really didn’t have anyone to help him discover himself until a later age (that’ll be left for a different post that will go into Kaaras and his alcoholism).

Like a lot of curious children, it did mean Kaaras would sneak into his parent’s room to rummage through the cliches of makeup and underwear. That’s pretty much how Kaaras found out he enjoyed wearing womens clothes. It was innocent enough at first, of course, he was young and not really sexually matured. But it was the foundation of where this ‘kink’ came from.

As an older teenager, Kaaras began to realise that this stirred sexual arousal in him. Especially when he was involved with female lovers for the night. Being drunk gave him the confidence to fool around more, to explore and discover himself without being embarrassed about it. Most of Kaaras’ sexual experience is, unfortunately, based off many drunk nights–until his past lover. That was when Kaaras REALLY got to explore and discover himself.

Kaaras is a complicated personal when it comes to much about him. He’s simple and yet not in many ways. His sexuality is a long, long road of self discovery, pain and chaos, and that’s not all due to the fact that he suffers PGAD (PSAS). There are a lot of contributing factors that one may never think about when they see Kaaras as the man he has grown to become now.

Wearing women’s clothes became something of a dirty little secret that he has been very ashamed to speak about and express, because he had in his head the idea that it is not ‘normal’ for him to enjoy it. Kaaras is a hypocrite in the fact that he is so open and willing to accept OTHERS but never HIMSELF, because he’s grown up with so much self hatred and such a NEGATIVE image of himself, so these are all things that make him feel even worse about himself in the eye of the public.

But lingerie, dressing in women’s underthings, makes him feel gracious, makes him have this idea of soft, makes femininity that he can finally see and feel in himself that no one else can and/or will. This isn’t something he will open up about to just anyone, this is something that he will only expose to someone he trusts will accept him (and even then, he has a lot of fear and shame in the whole thing). This also doesn’t mean Kaaras doesn’t think men can be feminine and beautiful, he does, remember, he just has a lot of internal hate towards himself, and being told that he is an ugly savage oxman all his life doesn’t help with his image issues. Kaaras is a very insecure person, crippling so at times. But his clothes? They speak for him. And that doesn’t just mean the lingerie in the bedroom, but clothes in general help Kaaras EXPRESS himself. They always have. They make him feel stronger, they make him feel professional when needed, they make him feel practical. He often does not make his suffering known, or even his happiness at times, but his clothes are a form of expression for him, which is one of the reasons why he very much agrees with Vivienne that they should LOOK the part if people wish to take them seriously, despite him being a commoner.

Lastly, I should mention while Kaaras certainly enjoys others wearing lingerie in the bedroom, this kink may never involve them. This is something he does for himself, and does not need or require someone else to be involved. If your muse is willing, then that’s certainly great! He would love to be able to express himself and feel sensual in the bedroom with his lover, it’s a real bonus to have that support and care, but Kaaras also is very used to the fact that this is a solo act. Something he enjoys doing in the comfort of his own self.

At the end of the day, this is not something easy for Kaaras. This is something that’s come from a background of confusion, self hate and being sheltered. Even if Kaaras has an exceptionally supportive family, Kaaras struggled to express himself and open up once his father died, shutting his mother out of a lot of his life. His sister only knows by accident, and his mother has only suspected, but does not push her son to speak what he is not comfortable with. When/if she finds out, she would be willing to make Kaaras the most beautiful crossdresser because she’s so supportive of her children.

[exalok]

Some Thoughts, as previously mentioned

specifically about daud, his aceness or non-aceness, how it relates to mine, and the limits of my writing -- partly in response to your letter, anonymous

under readmore because this might get long and so you can skip it if you’d rather

okay so. i would like to clarify that i’m going to say stuff that contradicts the things you said, and um, i don’t want you to feel bad about it? maybe you won’t and this is a silly disclaimer to lay down. or maybe you will but for other reasons than what i’m trying to avoid by saying this. what i mean to say is i did have an intention going in to most of my daud-fic, which isn’t the one you seem to believe, but also the author is dead and that intention doesn’t matter if it can’t be seen from the reader’s point of view

specifically, what i’m contradicting is “changing a character’s sexuality” -- i am going to explain my intention, and what i think the problems are with that intention, and if i remember to i will finish by reconnecting it all to what i think of the ace discourse (hopefully i won’t do this entirely backwards in an effort to contextualize)

to be honest the intentions were probably multiple and this is why i confuse myself and leave it unclear.

1) sex is fascinating in what it can show about two characters, and it’s meaty and physical without necessarily getting gory (though i enjoy toeing the line, dunno what that says about me), and it’s considered this Huge Thing by so many of my peers/family/etc or this average entirely normal thing by others of my peers/family/etc all at once and the problem with that heaping pile of contradiction is there is a lot for me to process but i absolutely cannot while anyone else is in the room for various reasons (embarrassment, fear, anxiety, incomprehension) and so the solution is facing it on my own, hence writing -- but also my entire brain latched on to dishonored and specifically corvo & daud, and they have become a comfortable little nook for me to explore otherwise daunting subjects with. the more i think on it the more i love using them both as a vehicle to explore various facets of identity (sexuality, gender, and i’m making forays into politics maybe)

2) i still like ace!daud. i want ace!daud. i want to figure him out. this is mostly difficult because to figure him out, to make him feel real while also being ace, i need to make him familiar to me -- because if i base myself on outside experience, on hearsay or stereotype, he will feel fake -- and i barely feel familiar to myself. i often don’t understand my own experience. i will simultaneously stare at the smallest little detail of my behavior and have the hardest time focusing on what the hell it means, like the most myopic brain analyst.

the result is i try to have both at once: daud as asexual, and not even necessarily demisexual -- daud not caring much for sex, not always even liking it -- but asking for it anyway for his own reasons, often twisty ones that he’s not necessarily aware of

part of this is because i still have a hard time understanding being sexual as, like, a full-time thing, and the only way i have of translating it is through awkward replays of stuff i’ve seen elsewhere (largely present in how i write corvo these days). there are so many parts that perplex me, and so many things that seem to be assumed in some narratives but not at all in others, and i don’t know what is because of focus and what is because of culture and what is because of reality and what the difference between all of those is anyway

part of it is because i can’t pick and choose to save my life and am forever cursed with making Weird Soup out of all the things i want to think about

conclusion: the intention that comes through is probably primarily the sex one, because that’s the most obvious when i refuse to use modern identity labels for a bunch of dudes who haven’t ever properly thought through that shit -- but also! sometimes! i write things that feel like they contradict how i see ace!daud! and those parts always end up feeling a little wrong, but they’re still there to be read and accepted as part of the narrative and they muddle my attempts even more

so. ace!daud discourse. that definitely existed in my vicinity, and as i automatically absorb most of the stuff that passes me by, yes, it did get to me a little. after all, my intentions are contradictory: i want to write the boning, and i want them to enjoy it, but i also want to explore what it might mean for daud not to like it after all. is that not, on some level, disrespectful? what about his taste for control, the giving and the imposition of it, and its relation to where and how he grew up, and the decisions he made later on? is it wrong for me to want it to make sense? am i thinking about it too hard?? that happens, but also i don’t know. i don’t have enough experience with any of it to have feelings or opinions about how i’m treating the subject beyond “yeah i like where this is going”

i am of the strong opinion that writers should write what they like, even if it’s shitty. i am also of the strong opinion that i’m responsible for trying to think through what i’m writing, and not completely trample people in the process. those two opinions don’t always coexist comfortably.

it doesn’t mean i’ll stop writing -- fuck no, i love words so goddamn much, and i love dishonored beyond reason, and i think that with time i’ll get somewhere where what i’m trying to do will make enough sense to me that i’ll be able to have it show up on the page -- but my early efforts will continue to exist as well, however self-contradictory they are in their underpinnings, and i guess sometimes i just need downtime to reevaluate the whole of my progress

i probably forgot where i was going with this partway through??? but i hope it mostly makes sense. have a glimpse of the gears, whoever managed to get to the end

(oh also i only recently decided to start compiling a little something where the intention actually is having daud not be ace so i can see what i’ll do with that now that i have a bit more understanding under my belt -- they’re very stupid about it, as they usually are)

here’s to hashing out one’s feelings about shit they wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole in real life!!! /sets off fireworks, throws confetti, jumps onto a sled and disappears

[deafmatteo]

hi hi so first i really love your writing, it’s so comforting and lovely, and i look forward to every little bit of it!

and idk if you’ve already answered something like this but i was wondering about your thoughts on skam france season 5?

hello, thank u! 🖤🖤🖤

and i have talked a bit about skam france s5 when i was watching it live but im more than happy to talk about it again & put all of my thoughts into one post JFJSJD.

let me just put a disclaimer here for abuse, both personal & what was shown in the season. also adding a read more because this got LONG, i am so sorry. i talk a lot </3 (ignore the spelling errors, i literally woke up and saw this anon and jumped out of bed to answer dflkgjkdlg)

also! i talk about deafness as a disability in this but that’s my own personal experience & what was written into the season. we know arthur sees it as a disability because he was raised in a hearing society as a hearing person. not all D/deaf people believe this!! this isn’t universal.

first things first, i just wanted to let people know these feelings come from a very personal place. i lost my hearing similarly to arthur — i was beaten as a young child and as the years have gone on and i’ve grown, my hearing has gotten worse. i was hard of hearing with mild to moderate hearing loss in both ears and now i call myself deaf because i have severe hearing loss in my left ear & i am completely deaf in my right ear. (don’t worry about being apologetic or anything! i’m very open about how i lost my hearing because although it’s sad & traumatic, it’s talking about how trauma and disabilities are often more intertwined than people realize. you don’t ever see a disabled person thriving in their natural environment. you see traumatized disabled people learning how to survive.)

i don’t have problems with how arthur lost his hearing. i think it’s a very important story to tell & it’s one that does occur — even if people don’t recognize it. it added to the fear and isolation he felt during his season because he was suddenly extremely disconnected from his peers and the people he called his best friends.

i also absolutely ADORE noee and camille. having a Deaf* woman who was as sassy and blunt and straight-forward as she was is a good thing. people often talk about how D/deaf individuals can come across as rude or unattentive or too blunt and it can be true but when people often talk about it, they do it in a rude/offensive manner! noee did it in a manner that wasn’t stereotypical and felt real. she also had the distain towards hearing people because they continually traumatized & belittled her and they showed that in a way that you knew was justified. she had been hurt by these people and she knew what arthur was experiencing, hence why she was so warm around him. having a Deaf love interest who wasn’t a hearing-people pleaser or someone who needed approval from hearing people was so good because it helped add layers of her own identity that the audience may not even realize exists.

camille as well. having a hard of hearing gay (queer? i can’t remember what he labelled himself as) person on screen without fetishism or trauma porn was refreshing. that doesn’t happen and seeing it was?? amazing. he was able to have fun, be himself, etc. also him acting as a connector between noee and arthur is a reality as well. he exists inbetween both of their worlds and while it’s clear that he is comfortable and okay with it, it’s a reality that often stems into feelings of anger and hurt. (as shown in arthur!) it’s good to see a hard of hearing person who doesn’t feel ostracized from the Deaf community & or the hearing community. he’s just vibing!

the isolation that arthur felt. the lonelines, the pain, the fear—all of it is a reality of the situation he was in. even with his friends attempting to support him in the ways they knew how, he still felt alone. having noee and camille there was such a good!! good thing!!! to have. the way noee criticized his friends, the way ARTHUR eventually yelled at them (especially lucas, like wtf was up his ass), the growth of arthur from clinging onto his fantasy world and accepting himself. i geniunely enjoyed these aspects.

NOW ONTO MY CRITICISMS.

my biggest one is the abuse clip. it was absolutely unnecessary for them to include the audio (and the shadowing) of arthur’s violent abuse. i understand they needed to potray his dad’s behaviours but there were many other ways to go about it that doesn’t re-traumatize people. i rarely rarely get triggered by things due to desensitization & repression and this made me extremely nauseous and it caused me to spiral into memories of my own abuse. yes, i understand the story of arthur’s dad being the villain and contributing to the trauma. no, it did not need to be done in this way.

also the way it was brushed aside & arthur forgave him after the car accident. i know it’s contributing to the cycle of abuse and it will continue after the seasons have passed but i think it should have had more fear, confusion or anger. we could see that arthur hated his father, just by how he constantly attempted to fight back and argue. i understand that it was him acting from a place of survival and trying to mediate to make things calmer but this is his perspective—we could have felt the underlying emotions or seen a brief moment where arthur let his anger take over when he was alone. the abuse was written solely for hearing people. it was trauma porn. it was used as a way to make people feel sorry for arthur and to weaken him. it wasn’t written as integrated into the plot as it should have been and was brought up only to deter the plot away from his cheating. it was one of the things that made it clear the plot was more written for hearing people than for deaf people.

(again, it’s not the actual story i’m criticizing. it’s how they integrated it.)

the second was noee using her voice to essentially beg arthur to love her. using her voice was a moment of vulnerability and fear that they could have either: a. used in a different manner or b. not included at ALL. i am an oral deaf person—i was raised in a hearing environment & i went to speech thrapy for many, many years. i use my voice a lot. however, whenever i am without my hearing aid and i am tired, i don’t often use my voice because i am insecure about my deaf accent.

noee doesn’t use her voice at all. she has talked about how using only sign language gives her power and stregethnes her identity in a way that the hearing world would never be able to. it was a pivotal moment of her own identity and growth and they threw it out the window to tell arthur she loved him. he rejected her so she used her voice, something that reminds her of her trauma and pain, to beg him to love her back.

another is how alexia said that she wasn’t wired to love disabled people. i love alexia as well, except for this alone was enough to hurt my opinion of her. it’s a reality of abled people—they often act like loving a disabled person is more work and view disabled people as less than to avoid seeing them as potential lovers/friends/etc. my main problem is the fact it wasn’t ever properly addressed and they used it as a plot device after she had been nothing but loving and supportive to arthur during the beginning of his journey. she was so, so loving and caring and they could have used to as a way to talk about how relationships and perspective changes rather having her just be straight up ableist.

when arthur first got his hearing aids, he got smaller ones that were less visible to avoid having other people see. this is a big example of internalized ableism and is a very important point but they never touched on it again. i think it would have been more personal and monumental of his growth to have him go back & change the hearing aids he uses to better aid him in his day-to-day rather than aid his desire to be hearing-passing. i just wanted to see continuation of this.

the love triangle. ABSOLUTELY USELESS. i love both alexia and noee as love interests. they are well-developed women who both had vulnerable moments in the season where they talked about their insecurities and were vulnerable and still had arthur reject/use them both. this is more of a fandom criticism but the love triangle was used solely to demonize noee while they continued to put arthur on a pedestal. the season could have gone either/or with them as love interests or not at all. the season was meant to focus on his journey as a now disabled person and the love triangle took up a large portion of that.

(don’t think i’ve forgotten about people calling others fatphobic/biphobic for preferring noee as a love interest)

this isn’t entirely a criticism but a good point to note. i don’t think skam france had a plan in regards to season five when they casted arthur but he should have been played by a hard of hearing person and there should have been foreshadowing in the earlier seasons for this. i think arthur’s actor did a fantastic job with the content he was given but it would have been a bit more personal if played by a truly deaf/hoh person. noee’s actress talked about this! she said how good of an opportunity it was for season five to occur because it’s extremely rare for deaf people to get opportunities and casting designed for them. having a main actress talk about this and still having the main actor being abled is a bit? bad taste. i just think it’s a product of lack of planning, is all.

ALSO THE CAR CRASH????? this isn’t a big criticism, i’m just like HUH? me & arthur really out hear being deaf and getting hit by cars ig. arthur kinnie

*definitions that add as to why i use deaf & Deaf in this piece.*

[cometcalloway]

MUN AND MUSE QUESTIONS

List 5 of your muse’s favourite sensations.

A ‘sleeping in on a snow day’ level of comfort and safety

Winning

Acceptance, forgiveness, companionship

Magic healing

Novelty

Do they have any pet peeves?

Sparrow used to do occasional scribe work. I think if he was working on this one particular page & the parchment kept coming undone and trying to curl up no matter how many times he fixed it, that would destroy him psychologically a little. I feel like small annoyances can build into big things pretty quickly sometimes, with Sparrow, especially if he feels trapped in some way and doesn’t have the option to just remove himself from the situation & do something else.

Rook is like. Rather than being someone with a critical streak, it’s more that he’s a critic who has the occasional streak of another thing. He’s intentional enough to usually avoid believing his critical thoughts as fact in an automatic and unquestioning way, but his internal monologue definitely gives him a lot of information about things that ‘should’ be done better or differently. He’s the most harsh with himself, of course.

Their comfort read? (could be a book, magazine, comics, etc)

From an answer to an earlier meme:

Sparrow projects onto female characters in the absence of nonbinary characters that fit his vibe more exactly. Books and stories grab his attention when a female mc is powerful, wants things, and is maybe a little bit feral, even if she hides it well. She doesn’t have have noble morals, and she doesn’t have to win; there are tragedies he wouldn’t enjoy, but tragedies he very much would. He’s drawn by dark & intense themes bc like, he’s working through some things.

Rook likes history and nonfiction. He doesn’t like to introspect and thinks less naturally in terms of ‘like/want’ & more naturally in terms of function; nonfiction has a very clear and straightforward function. You read the book, you get the information. He would be in an uncomfortable position if he read a fiction book and felt moved by the story in a way that conflicted anything in his carefully constructed sense of identity (and he is not sentimental). He isn’t scared of fiction, but eh. There’s nothing in there he wants to get badly enough that it’s worth the mess.

If the book they are reading turns out to be shit, do they push through just for the sake of finishing it, or do they move on and find something else?

It depends on the book, and it depends on what in particular turned out to be shit. If something about the book is dramatically insulting to something Sparrow really cares about, he’s more likely to drop it than keep reading, either to try and enjoy it anyway or to hate read. If the book just isn’t that interesting or just isn’t that well written, he might keep reading just so he has closure on the investment he put into it. He likes to read, so he’s more likely to keep reading if he doesn’t have a lot of options. I feel like Rook might be the opposite? If a book he’s reading turns insulting he might just be like “hmm, we disagree (fortunately I am very large & near invincible)” and keep reading. If the book isn’t interesting, he isn’t sentimental enough to want to ‘pay the cost’ of learning what happens. Now I’m imagining a situation where Rook puts down a boring book & Sparrow picks it up bc they share a headspace & the book caught his interest just enough for him to want to know what happens (and then one day Rook gets sick of this shit & picks up the book & flips to the end & reads the ending).

Their comfort tv show / film

I think L.ilo & S.titch could be a comfort film for a verse where Sparrow is living in a modern setting. Stitch has to figure out how to be a person after being created to be a tool. As the entire galaxy goes nuts over Stitch’s prescribed identity as a purpose, and as all of the humans are quick to put new unflattering labels on Stitch, L.ilo is the one who gives Stitch permission to start to figure himself out. It’s like, the kind of story Sparrow needs to hear. Plus the painting backgrounds would remind Sparrow of home.

Rook wouldn’t consider something a comfort movie, but there are a lot of M.arvel movies he would like. Lot of stories about superheroes trying to figure out what it means to do the right thing in a complicated situation, and the tone is light enough for it to be a reassuring experience to watch the movie overall.

A song that is currently stuck in their head? (or multiple)

Mmmaybe C.ardigan by T.aylor S.wift. It’s not a song I associate with Sparrow because it’s about him in some way, but it is a song that he would probably decide that he likes, in the way people can like things without the thing being like, one of their theme songs.

The next three questions are for you. do you have anything special in common with your character.

All of my characters have deep things in common with me. Sparrow is deeply sensitive, spiritual, and has a strong personal commitment to not abusing power over other people. Rook is really critical, but he’s also committed to things he cares about. He gets nearly paralyzed sometimes by trying to figure out what he actually wants or what is actually good after considering everything he’s ‘supposed’ to want and how hard it would be to go against the ‘supposed to.’ Sparrow is more of a ‘looking forward’ kind of character, for what could be possible, Rook is a more ‘looking back’ kind of character, at the practical side of things and the messy reality and the question of how to make honorable choices in a reality like that. They’re both really important to me!  

What brings you the most joy about writing this character, right now?

Writing L.othric and now Sparrow has been my invitation to myself to tolerate less of the intolerable. Sparrow isn’t an exact image of a person I literally want to be, but he has qualities that I write about bc I want to develop them better for myself through getting to know him. Right now in particular, I’m still carrying  bittersweet joy about being able to breathe life into OCs after writing D.ark S.ouls characters for so long. Sometimes when I look through the rp tags I see  rpers with H.arry P.otter muses who say they’re ‘anti jkr’, and I wish it was that easy for me to signal that I’m going to engage with a story I still feel things about, but I do not want to approach it as an enthusiastic fan. Ultimately, the OC route is just more valuable because I can own everything I come up with, so it’s a change for the better all things considered. But I wish that it wasn’t so normal for a story to be like, ‘the final boss is a disabled person who was bratty for not wanting to be abused, so hunt him for sport or whatever’ & then a fandom springs around that like ‘this is content! playful irreverence!’ to the point where talking about things more deeply feels like intruding.

Who would win in a fight, you or them?

Oh, them, definitely, Rook and Sparrow would win individually or working together.

Any advice from your muse?

I think he’d say that he’s a made up person, you’re a real person. If he seems powerful because he can do magic and he’s stubborn and makes these daring changes to his life, it’s nothing compared to the power that a real breathing person has. You can do more than him by picking up a leaf off the ground. I think he’d say that maybe it’s easy for people to forget that sometimes, when it comes to any fictional character who’s aspirational in some way. 

Tagged by: @batteredoptimist​ (thanks!)

Tagging: @stxrmchild​ @chilledtouch​ @cloudpools​ @destruqtivist​ @pleasemymel0dy​ @worthless-weight-in-gold​ ! and YOU

[citrineghost]

@overcomplicatedxoxo

Hey there! I saw your question on a pride post and thought it probably didn’t belong there but also wanted to make sure you got an answer

Answer under the cut

There are quite a lot of reasons why people can lose their sex drive and the reason doesn’t necessarily have to mean that they’re ace. For instance, many medications for depression and anxiety can cause a loss of sex drive. Depression and anxiety themselves can cause a loss of sex drive. So can stress and a myriad of other things! 

Because there can be so many causes outside of sexuality for this, I would recommend talking to him about it, but going into the conversation with a willingness for the reason to be something other than you suspect (I know I sometimes have trouble when I latch onto an idea and I want that to be the answer and I can kind of get pushy about it by accident). If this is something that is notable to you in any way shape or form, it’s definitely worth talking to him about.

If it was me, I would brooch the topic by, first, telling him that you had a question for him and would like to talk for a few minutes, reassuring him that you’re not upset, just had something on your mind. Make it clear during conversation that you’re not fishing for him to change and accommodate you, but that you’re interested in making sure he’s comfortable with the current arrangement.

Tell him you’ve noticed a change in how frequently you two have sex and wanted to double check if it was something he was uncomfortable with, if he’s had a change to his mental health, etc. Personally, I would check in with those things before suggesting any sort of sexuality possibilities. If it is easily explained by one of the first things, you won’t even need to dive into sexuality, which can save you both a lot of emotional energy, because if he’s not on the acespec, being told he might be could potentially make him defensive and embarrassed about the fact that his sex drive has dropped.

If he says he’s not had any change in his mental well-being, isn’t stressed, isn’t on new meds, is completely comfortable with everything you two have been doing, etc., then you could potentially brooch the topic of sexuality.

I would definitely approach this from a curious and tentative angle. Don’t say, “I think you might be asexual.” That’s a great way to shock someone and make them want to defend their current perception of themselves because, even if well-intentioned, it sounds accusatory.

Try something like, “I recently learned a bit more about asexuality and it made me think of you. Have you heard of that?”

If the response is something indicating he hasn’t, you can go on to explain that asexuality covers various sexualities that involve a lack of attraction. If the response is something indicating that he has, but that he thinks asexuality has to be all or nothing, so he can’t possibly fit into it, gently inform him that it’s actually a spectrum and that there are certain parts of it that he might relate to.

There’s no perfect way to have this kind of conversation. I think the most important part is to go into it gently and with a lot of patience. Let him do most of the talking, give him gaps of silence to think and buffer his responses. Make sure you don’t push too hard. If he says he’s not on the ace spectrum, you have to let the topic be, or you’ll push him away from even considering it, even if he is acespec.

And now, for you to go in knowledgeably,

A crash course on asexuality

The first thing to remember when talking about asexuality is that asexuality isn’t necessarily correlated with sex drive. A low sex drive does tend to be more common in the ace community, but that doesn’t not have to be the case.

Asexuality is about attraction. 

I don’t know your sexuality, so I’ll use a hypothetical straight person as an example. A straight person is someone who is attracted to someone of the opposite gender. So, if a straight man with a high sex drive sees a woman that he finds attractive, he is likely to get somewhat turned on. This reaction from his sex drive is caused by his attraction to women. A straight man with a low sex drive may see a woman he finds attractive and merely notate in his head that she’s attractive, without having any physical reaction. He is still straight, because he doesn’t have the same attraction to men - only to women. This same man might be easily able to get aroused if he were alone in his room and decided to dwell on her appearance more. His predisposition for arousal is his sex drive. Sexual attraction interacts with sex drive and encourages it, but is not the same thing.

So, lets see how that works with ace people. Let’s say we have an asexual person with a high sex drive (those DO exist!) This person may look at any person in the world and not have any reaction from their sex drive. However, they may lie in bed at night and suddenly be too turned on to sleep. Thus, the convenience of masturbation. If this ace person has a girlfriend or boyfriend who they’re romantically attracted to, they may even be just fine with having sex, even if they feel no sexual attraction. Sex is a great outlet when you have a sex drive, even if it wasn’t sexual attraction that caused the arousal.

Ace people with sex drives may also get turned on by random things. A really good song, a sensation, etc. can all turn ace people on if they have a sex drive. Everyone is different. (This is why ace people can have kinks, which is a heavily controversial topic, and not actually relevant right now, so I won’t get into it.)

The same way that a straight man will not get any interaction between looking at a man and his sex drive, an ace person will not get an interaction between looking at any person and their sex drive. It’s as simple as that.

There’s more to the spectrum

The information listed above is what we would call standard asexuality. If someone says they’re asexual, they may be using asexual as an umbrella term for the whole spectrum, or they may be using it to describe this standard. However, this standard is only the most common type of asexuality. There are three other notable subcategories (one of which, I believe, is fairly new (or just new to me anyway))

The first one is grey asexuality

Grey asexuality can be a very diverse label. It encompasses all types of asexuality that involve any level of sexual attraction. It’s called such because it’s a kind of grey area. People who identify as simply grey asexual may experience sexual attraction very rarely, under only specific circumstances, etc. The fact is, they experience it sometimes, but not enough that they can be considered allosexual (someone who is not asexual). Someone who is grey ace relates more with the lack of sexual attraction than with the sexual attraction. As someone who is ace spec myself, there really can be quite a stark divide between ace and allo experiences.

Next up is Demisexuality

Demisexuality is under the grey ace umbrella. When someone is demisexual (like me!), they don’t feel sexual attraction unless they have a deep emotional connection with someone. There is frequently argument that this is ‘just what normal people are,’ but far from it.

Allosexual people experience sexual attraction all the time. One does not have to act on sexual attraction to experience it. The belief that demisexuality is what allos experience is based entirely on the misunderstanding that asexuality is a form of celibacy (the choice not to have sex) rather than attraction.

When someone is demisexual, they will feel no sexual attraction at all until they form that really really close bond with someone, and then suddenly, it’s like a switch has flipped, but only for that one person. To be sexually attracted to only one person in the whole world is FAR from the average experience, even if it does include sexual attraction. This is what makes demisexuality an ace identity.

And last, but not least, fraysexuality

This is one I only heard about recently! It’s kind of the sibling of demisexuality in that it’s exactly the opposite. Fraysexuality is also under the grey ace umbrella. When someone is fraysexual, they can only feel sexual attraction to people they aren’t close with. If a fraysexual is sexually attracted to someone and then gets to know them, their sexual attraction fades away.

This can be especially difficult for couples, especially when the fraysexual doesn’t know that they’re not allo. It could appear similar to your relationship, op. It may look like the fraysexual partner is losing interest when, in fact, they have just lost their ability to be sexually attracted. This wouldn’t necessarily affect their sex drive, so a fraysexual may still be open to having sex with someone they’re close too, but not because they’re sexually attracted to them.

I hope this helps with your situation and sheds some light on what may be going on. Remember, your boyfriend may not be ace but, no matter what’s going on, I’m sure he will appreciate that you cared enough to check in on him.

[chibivesicle]

Golden Kamuy chapters 251 and 252 - rumble in the brewhouse - continued

Chapter 252 starts off with Sugimoto in an even worse position as Nikaido screams and Koito attacks from the side with his saber.  And Nikaido certainly has murder eyes.

The look of surprise by Sugimoto is one where he needs to stop thinking that all fights are one and one.  He’s lucky that he ducks low enough that instead of Koito cutting him down with the saber, he cuts into a beer storage barrel and the beer squirts out hitting Koito square in the face.  Nikaido fires and Asirpa jumps in front of him to be a shield from Nikaido.  Oh Asirpa, you can’t use your status as the key to the gold forever.  Plus, Nikaido’s not the type of character to care that she’s an ‘innocent’.  I think Asirpa may have gotten ahead of herself thinking that she alone can use her status to be untouchable.

Of course Sugimoto has done a 180 from a few chapters ago.  He was ordering Asirpa to stand in the shadows so that Ogata couldn’t target and kill her, but if she’ll take a bullet for him, it is okay.  Yeeeeeaaaaaahhhh.  Granted, Asirpa has the level of screentones that Hijikata can produce, but her innocence will fail at some point.

Poor Tsukishima has to stop Nikaido.  Really, did anyone not realize that Kikuta, Tsukishima and Koito really are an ineffective small group with Nikaido being unstable and Usami being unpredictable.  Koito takes this chance to attack Sugimoto again and even prevents him from aiming as Sugimoto fires his gun off to the side.  Unfortunately, Koito isn’t great at hand to hand combat nor does he have the full amount of anger/tenacity that Sugimoto has so he’s able to tackle him and headbutt Koito.

Meanwhile, poor Tsukishima is babysitting Nikaido while Asirpa just watches using her presence as leverage on Tsukishima.  All of this action though is perfect as Kikuta hasn’t made his presence known.  I’m a huge fan of Kikuta (or Roger as a few of us call him due to his resemblance to Roger Moore) and he’s put himself in the perfect position for his specialty, close range rapid fire attacks.  Revolvers aimed and at ready we even get the view from the barrel of his gun, a clean shot at Sugimoto.

Ushiyama then looks towards something, perhaps Kikuta and we see movement lines indicating he’s doing something quickly.  We get our answer as the next page shows him pushing the stacked beer barrels and he’s able to knock Kikuta over as his footing is lost with the shifting barrels.

This then leads to a small beer tsunami that catches most of our characters in the wave.  Koito has recovered quickly hand has a hand on Sugimoto with his saber while Sugimoto’s bayonet is up as they both stare at the breaking barrels and the beer that is about to cover them.  Asirpa is able to escape by climbing on the barrels but Nikaido and Tsukishima also get drenched.

Noda makes a full page dedicated to Koito and Sugimoto almost swimming in beer.  Clearly, this is for comic relief in the middle of a tense situation, and I meanwhile can’t help but think about how sticky everyone is and having to wash out their uniforms is going to suck.  Laundry needs to happen.

The beer tsunami wave carries the guys along and Shiraishi has to escape it as Tsukishima, Sugimoto and Nikaido all end up in a more mechanical looking room.  Koito appears to be still in the storage room with the barrels.

Nikaido tries to fight Sugimoto but falls over and it appears that Tsukishima might be the least drunk as he manages to at least hit Sugimoto, and takes down his comment that he can take them because he’s ‘imm-’.  Good job Tsukishima, show Sugimoto that he’s not the boss and they both get swept further away.

Meanwhile, Koito, the bon-bon that he is, is plastered as he makes one of his high pitched screams on the floor.  I’d say despite being the largest, he’s the lightweight of the group.  And we never have seen him drink in the manga so far.  I wonder if Koito isn’t much of a drinker as we’ve only see him drink tea as far as I can recall off the top of my head.  I think Koito is a dainty drinker. 

While drunken chaos unfolds, Kikuta grabs Asirpa and verbally says he’s secured her.  Is this to Tsukishima and Koito?  Ariko?  Himself because he’s that damn good?

Asirpa won’t go down with out a fight and she manages to get one of her poison tip arrows in his nose to bring him to a rapid halt.  Of course this entire exchange does not happen alone as Ogata is looking at them with the binoculars from the fire watchtower.  He seems quite interested and he even pulls the binoculars away as if he’s thinking about something.  The panel then shows Asirpa pointing her bow and arrow at Kikuta in a very non-threatening pose, his hands down and empty.

This makes the fifth time that Asirpa has drawn her bow at a human, as the fourth time was when she shot Ogata in the eye.  I wonder if Ogata is having some sort of out of body experience watching Kikuta try to reason with Asirpa.  If only he had the public speaking skills of someone like Kikuta - since he was clearly upset when he couldn’t lie to Asirpa like the rest of the adults can.  And it goes back to the fact that he lacks something and stuff doesn’t go well for him etc. etc.

This shows in Kikuta’s confident and relaxed body language.  He tries to get her on his side by asking about what happened with the Ainu who were killed.

He knows that her father is linked to it, first being mistaken as a victim of the attack, but in reality hiding behind the Japanese labeled personality of Noppera-bou, not Wilk, the partisan from Karafuto/Sakahlin.  It really makes me wonder who originally told Asirpa that her father was killed in the incident.  We were never given the information that Wilk died in the attack.  Her uncle Makanakkuru, may have been the adult to tell her this, but was he lying because she was a child?  Or others knew he was alive like Kiro and they felt it was better for her to not know about this until she was old enough to become involved?

Honestly, I’ve wondered why Asirpa hasn’t been more assertive in the quest for the truth.  Yes, she confirmed that Wilk was Noppera-bou at Abashiri and she believed her father didn’t kill them and Sugimoto did eventually tell her that he said he didn’t kill the other Ainu as well.  And she then kinda let go of questioning the entire situation.

Which really, with her newfound need to champion the cause of the Ainu, it makes me wonder why she isn’t being more forward with this.  She kinda seemed interested when she met Ariko, but hasn’t done as much as I’d expect her to.

Pondering interlude over, Kikuta is trying to negotiate with something that he thinks Asirpa wants, which was not what Ogata tried to do.  She seems nervous as she asks him why he’d know this in the first place, so I’d say it implies that she is interested.  Kikuta then reveals what we already knew from Ogata back when he was first speaking with Hijikata about the information that Tsurumi learned about the victims.  I always read this to imply that Ogata was there as well, but he never says it and instead the Tsurumi examined the stuff. When we learned that Kikuta, Tsukishima and Ogata were a part of Tsurumi’s inner circle of intelligence operatives, it was pretty easy to make the connection that Ogata was indirectly telling Hijikata part of what he saw with Tsukishima and Kikuta there as well.

The action then shows Usami noticing Asirpa and Ogata sees him with a look of disdain.  Now that we know that Ogata smacked Usami with a bedpan, we know that Ogata has no love of Usami.  Well and that both men have completely opposite personalities.

But of course we see that Usami has made the cardinal sin of most soldiers according to Ogata; he’s abandoned his rifle and is running around with a bayonet.  We know by now that bad things happen to those who don’t keep an eye on their rifles!

Kikuta is clearly a very persuasive man and he hits all of the points to convince Asirpa that she should talk to Tsurumi.  Since he thinks that knowing what happened to her father would be more important than the gold.  This may also be read to mean that upon finding the victims and Wilk, Tsurumi may have talked to him or something critical may have happened. 

Could Wilk have requested to Tsurumi to report that he was dead?  To create his identity.  Both men could have spoken Russian, but Tsukishima and Ogata would have understood things then as well. . . It is clear that Ogata knows more about this along with Kikuta and Tsukishima.

Her nervous face is more than enough to see that Kikuta is making her think about this.  Ogata has shifted to aim at her under this observation that she’ll work with Tsurumi.

This means he’s trying to rationalize why shooting Asirpa would strategically be a good idea.  She’s the key, she hasn’t told anyone the code and if she died everything was all for naught.  But he hesitates.  He hesitates because, he knows that Asirpa is innocent and his brain has linked her with Yuusaku.  Which leads to the dramatic page of the ‘reappearance’ of Yuusaku.  I personally think that Yuusaku is not a ghost, he is the representation of Ogata’s guilt an PTSD in a neat and tidy annoying younger brother package.  It is as though whenever he becomes emotionally connected to Asirpa, he begins to pause as he realizes he can’t actually shoot her. 

For plot excitement and storytelling purposes, Yuusaku’s ‘ghost’ is linked to Vasily.  The first time he appeared was after Ogata defeated Vasily in their insane sniper battle.  As he began to fall ill, Asirpa became Yuusaku speaking to him and we get the flashback as to why Yuusaku would ‘haunt’ him and how he has much in common with Asirpa.

This continues as Ogata’s mind keeps connecting the two of them together, especially on the ice floe when it is clear he’s talking to Yuusaku via Asirpa as she’s just confused about his weird monologue.  I’m beginning to wonder if the fact that Ogata didn’t kill Vasily also lead to the activation of Yuusaku since it is a time where Ogata didn’t kill his opponent, only injuring him enough to escape to safety.

Whatever mechanism you may think, the point is that concept of Yuusaku standing next to Ogata, sending him some sort of message about why shooting Asirpa would be a bad thing, causes him to jump back in surprise.

This then dramatically saves his life as he’s no longer in a position to aim and instead a single shot hits the chamber that rotates to release the empty shell.  At this point in the chapter it is unclear if the damage has prevented Ogata from sniping or if he’ll be able to make do.

He turns in one of his most cat-like fashions as a stray hair hangs and he’s got that ‘huh’ look any cat has when you poked them and they were not impressed.

Vasily looks focused but sweats a little as he likely knows his shot was unsuccessful. Ogata then remarks again, that it was the work of an experienced sniper, the same phrase he used when they encountered Vasily at the Russian border.

I have to admit I was so disappointed that Vasily has gone for the straight up try to shoot Ogata game.  Really dude?  You just quested from Russia, to Japan, to Hokkaido to then kill Ogata without him realizing they were playing lynx versus snow leopard games?  Or is Vasily not quite as skilled as Ogata at hitting a man accurately from a distance?  But we know he is.

This leads me to ask, “What is the purpose of Vasily?”  is he a pretty Slavic boy who has an unhealthy obsession with Ogata to keep him moving and prevent him from shooting Asirpa?  I don’t think Vasily gives a damn about Asirpa, it was clear in Karafuto he just wanted Ogata to come out and play, nya!  Or maybe come out and play, мяу! would be more accurate.

Sugimoto thinks Vasily is an Ogata repellent, but he’s never communicated effectively with Vasily and it is clear Vasily has his own goal.  I really hope Ogata at least questioned Vasily in Russian after he injured him so that it could reveal something more helpful.  Recall, here in chapter 161 is off to get the answers from them, e.g. the Russian border guards.

It would be too simple if Vasily is just a vehicle for Ogata’s Yuusaku/Asirpa guilt to manifest itself and move his character progression along.

Anyhoo, the chapter ends with the tagline “From Russia with Death” a pun on the Bond movie “From Russia with Love”. 

If Vasily did damage Ogata’s current type 38, he’s in a reply of what happened the last time he went up against Vasily.  Mosin-nagant and a nice warm ushanka versus Ogata, in his wool uniform and the old Berndan Model 1881, with a single shot, as when he used it, he had the extra ammunition held between his fingers here:

A detail that still makes me tingle with excitement that Noda discussed this with Tanigaki and Nihei and Ogata’s the one who does it like a good rifle expert that he is.  I look forward to Ogata out sniping Vasily.  Or at least outsmarting him.

Really, chapters 251 and 252 show how various characters act in stressful situations.  Sugimoto, Tsukishima, Koito and Nikaido are a mess, Shiraishi is trying to avoid shit if possible, Asirpa seems to be trying to leverage her savior complex a bit too much for my liking and Ogata is being haunted by his previous coping mechanisms to ignore that he might actually be human.  Though some evidence indicates he may be a cat.

All of this has me excited for 253 and more Ogata action, because I’m biased.