#overcomplicatedxoxo

[citrineghost]

@overcomplicatedxoxo

Hey there! I saw your question on a pride post and thought it probably didn’t belong there but also wanted to make sure you got an answer

Answer under the cut

There are quite a lot of reasons why people can lose their sex drive and the reason doesn’t necessarily have to mean that they’re ace. For instance, many medications for depression and anxiety can cause a loss of sex drive. Depression and anxiety themselves can cause a loss of sex drive. So can stress and a myriad of other things! 

Because there can be so many causes outside of sexuality for this, I would recommend talking to him about it, but going into the conversation with a willingness for the reason to be something other than you suspect (I know I sometimes have trouble when I latch onto an idea and I want that to be the answer and I can kind of get pushy about it by accident). If this is something that is notable to you in any way shape or form, it’s definitely worth talking to him about.

If it was me, I would brooch the topic by, first, telling him that you had a question for him and would like to talk for a few minutes, reassuring him that you’re not upset, just had something on your mind. Make it clear during conversation that you’re not fishing for him to change and accommodate you, but that you’re interested in making sure he’s comfortable with the current arrangement.

Tell him you’ve noticed a change in how frequently you two have sex and wanted to double check if it was something he was uncomfortable with, if he’s had a change to his mental health, etc. Personally, I would check in with those things before suggesting any sort of sexuality possibilities. If it is easily explained by one of the first things, you won’t even need to dive into sexuality, which can save you both a lot of emotional energy, because if he’s not on the acespec, being told he might be could potentially make him defensive and embarrassed about the fact that his sex drive has dropped.

If he says he’s not had any change in his mental well-being, isn’t stressed, isn’t on new meds, is completely comfortable with everything you two have been doing, etc., then you could potentially brooch the topic of sexuality.

I would definitely approach this from a curious and tentative angle. Don’t say, “I think you might be asexual.” That’s a great way to shock someone and make them want to defend their current perception of themselves because, even if well-intentioned, it sounds accusatory.

Try something like, “I recently learned a bit more about asexuality and it made me think of you. Have you heard of that?”

If the response is something indicating he hasn’t, you can go on to explain that asexuality covers various sexualities that involve a lack of attraction. If the response is something indicating that he has, but that he thinks asexuality has to be all or nothing, so he can’t possibly fit into it, gently inform him that it’s actually a spectrum and that there are certain parts of it that he might relate to.

There’s no perfect way to have this kind of conversation. I think the most important part is to go into it gently and with a lot of patience. Let him do most of the talking, give him gaps of silence to think and buffer his responses. Make sure you don’t push too hard. If he says he’s not on the ace spectrum, you have to let the topic be, or you’ll push him away from even considering it, even if he is acespec.

And now, for you to go in knowledgeably,

A crash course on asexuality

The first thing to remember when talking about asexuality is that asexuality isn’t necessarily correlated with sex drive. A low sex drive does tend to be more common in the ace community, but that doesn’t not have to be the case.

Asexuality is about attraction. 

I don’t know your sexuality, so I’ll use a hypothetical straight person as an example. A straight person is someone who is attracted to someone of the opposite gender. So, if a straight man with a high sex drive sees a woman that he finds attractive, he is likely to get somewhat turned on. This reaction from his sex drive is caused by his attraction to women. A straight man with a low sex drive may see a woman he finds attractive and merely notate in his head that she’s attractive, without having any physical reaction. He is still straight, because he doesn’t have the same attraction to men - only to women. This same man might be easily able to get aroused if he were alone in his room and decided to dwell on her appearance more. His predisposition for arousal is his sex drive. Sexual attraction interacts with sex drive and encourages it, but is not the same thing.

So, lets see how that works with ace people. Let’s say we have an asexual person with a high sex drive (those DO exist!) This person may look at any person in the world and not have any reaction from their sex drive. However, they may lie in bed at night and suddenly be too turned on to sleep. Thus, the convenience of masturbation. If this ace person has a girlfriend or boyfriend who they’re romantically attracted to, they may even be just fine with having sex, even if they feel no sexual attraction. Sex is a great outlet when you have a sex drive, even if it wasn’t sexual attraction that caused the arousal.

Ace people with sex drives may also get turned on by random things. A really good song, a sensation, etc. can all turn ace people on if they have a sex drive. Everyone is different. (This is why ace people can have kinks, which is a heavily controversial topic, and not actually relevant right now, so I won’t get into it.)

The same way that a straight man will not get any interaction between looking at a man and his sex drive, an ace person will not get an interaction between looking at any person and their sex drive. It’s as simple as that.

There’s more to the spectrum

The information listed above is what we would call standard asexuality. If someone says they’re asexual, they may be using asexual as an umbrella term for the whole spectrum, or they may be using it to describe this standard. However, this standard is only the most common type of asexuality. There are three other notable subcategories (one of which, I believe, is fairly new (or just new to me anyway))

The first one is grey asexuality

Grey asexuality can be a very diverse label. It encompasses all types of asexuality that involve any level of sexual attraction. It’s called such because it’s a kind of grey area. People who identify as simply grey asexual may experience sexual attraction very rarely, under only specific circumstances, etc. The fact is, they experience it sometimes, but not enough that they can be considered allosexual (someone who is not asexual). Someone who is grey ace relates more with the lack of sexual attraction than with the sexual attraction. As someone who is ace spec myself, there really can be quite a stark divide between ace and allo experiences.

Next up is Demisexuality

Demisexuality is under the grey ace umbrella. When someone is demisexual (like me!), they don’t feel sexual attraction unless they have a deep emotional connection with someone. There is frequently argument that this is ‘just what normal people are,’ but far from it.

Allosexual people experience sexual attraction all the time. One does not have to act on sexual attraction to experience it. The belief that demisexuality is what allos experience is based entirely on the misunderstanding that asexuality is a form of celibacy (the choice not to have sex) rather than attraction.

When someone is demisexual, they will feel no sexual attraction at all until they form that really really close bond with someone, and then suddenly, it’s like a switch has flipped, but only for that one person. To be sexually attracted to only one person in the whole world is FAR from the average experience, even if it does include sexual attraction. This is what makes demisexuality an ace identity.

And last, but not least, fraysexuality

This is one I only heard about recently! It’s kind of the sibling of demisexuality in that it’s exactly the opposite. Fraysexuality is also under the grey ace umbrella. When someone is fraysexual, they can only feel sexual attraction to people they aren’t close with. If a fraysexual is sexually attracted to someone and then gets to know them, their sexual attraction fades away.

This can be especially difficult for couples, especially when the fraysexual doesn’t know that they’re not allo. It could appear similar to your relationship, op. It may look like the fraysexual partner is losing interest when, in fact, they have just lost their ability to be sexually attracted. This wouldn’t necessarily affect their sex drive, so a fraysexual may still be open to having sex with someone they’re close too, but not because they’re sexually attracted to them.

I hope this helps with your situation and sheds some light on what may be going on. Remember, your boyfriend may not be ace but, no matter what’s going on, I’m sure he will appreciate that you cared enough to check in on him.

[thefanficfaerie]

overcomplicatedxoxo replied to your post “I miss Barba!!”

Wait where did he go???

@overcomplicatedxoxo He resigned from the DA office. So he’s no longer on SVU. 

[pinkykitten]

Hey could I get a 13 reasons why ship? I’m Amanda, 5’7”, plus sized, and working on my confidence. I love animals and volunteer at an animal shelter as often as I can. I’m recently graduated from college with a degree in sociology. I also would call my style like a business casual with a twist honestly. Jeans and booties but plain shirts sometimes dressed up w a cute jacket and jewelry. Or a float blouse and a skirt. It depends on my mood. Also I have an insanely high sex drive. 😂

13 REASONS WHY - ALEX STANDALL

Ok I know u have a high sex drive and this boy is very horny but bc of his accident and what happened to him it’s very difficult for him to keep up w u so u just for his sake have to slow it down and take it easy w him even tho he hates it and doesn’t want to do that to u bc he wants to make u happy. He is an awkward teen that has a cane now and he tries to get rid of the cane so u don’t think he’s weird or incapable but he either falls or trips or something and he needs it but he knows he can depend on you to make him feel better and for understanding. He likes to go to the shelter w u and his dad loves it as well cuz he thinks it’s therapeutic for his son. He actually does enjoy it tho and loves to do it w u. U both adopt and it’s like ur own kid. It stays at ur house and then his. Since he needs help w school and he is in school u help him out and he asks u for study dates and he comes over ur house to study and actually learn something and then make out like a bunch of horny teens. He too is also working on his confidence especially w his cane and limping and not being able to get a boner so he understands ur struggle and he’s always telling u ur beautiful in his quiet way and he takes you out to get odd weird coffee and u and him share.

MARVEL - BUCKY BARNES, WINTER SOLDIER

He thinks you are so smart especially since u graduated from college. Even tho he’s a quiet one he thinks ur very special and very adorable and beautiful like he loves waking up to you and omg u may not think or know this but he loves it when ur thick plump goddess of a body wears his clothing like his shirt or his jacket like lord does it do stuff to this man that he wants to ravage u like a wild man. He loves picking you up and putting u on his huge lap. He loves that ur working on ur confidence and he can see improvement. He is like ur cheerleader and is always rooting for his girl. He also goes thru self confidence issues since he legit has been tortured and he feels he can never be normal or the ladies man like he was back then before all this. Bucky is very protective of you and is always on ur side. He doesn’t let no one put u down. NO ONE!!!

[mike-waitforit-coe]

a little more about Spireflex and all the twists to come.  The gif has a slow frame rate because I wanted to make sure everyone could read and see it. @overcomplicatedxoxo

[jishwatylrandtop]

More To Love

@overcomplicatedxoxo

prompt: Could you maybe write something about a plus sized reader who has a lot of confidence issues who Josh ends up falling in love with? Like maybe she’s at the gym working out and these bitchy girls make fun of her (maybe bc they notice a hot Joshua checking her out and they’re jealous) and Josh defends her and they go out and eventually fall in love with lots of compliments from Josh?

Paring: plus sized reader x Josh Dun Words:  TW: fatphobia

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Your POV)

     You always got a lot of crap from your family about your job--a tech supervisor for music and entertainment venues around the states. It wasn’t easy, but you loved it. That’s why you suffered through four years in college, gaining weight like there was no tomorrow, weight you since haven’t been able to lose. It had become your life, and the people you worked with, and occasionally for, had become your second family. It’s how you met your best friend, Josh. You had panicked when you were flown out to Columbus and heard you were going to be doing a gig for Twenty One Pilots, but you didn’t regret it now. After the soundcheck, the boys had walked over to thank you and the crew for all your hard work. You and Josh had got to talking and realized you two were very similar. You had hit it off right away and exchanged numbers. It’s been two years since then, and your friendship was getting stronger everyday. In fact, after you had finished your contract with your original sound company, Josh and Tyler had asked you to work for them. You were skeptical at first, but with the upside of getting to see more places than just the United States, and the promise of more time with Josh, you had said yes. 

    It was six months after you had accepted the job, and you were having the time of you life. The boys are amazing, and you had already seen more places than you ever would have if you had stayed at your old job. Since touring with the boys was much less stressful, you finally had the energy to workout to lose those pounds you had gained in college. Josh had played a huge role in your decision to begin working out. He had told you how it had made him feel less stressed and more energized and had encouraged you to get a gym membership so that you could go when you were out touring. 

    That’s how you found yourself at the gym one a Tuesday afternoon. You and the boys had stopped in Columbus for almost two weeks to catch a break and relax in the middle of the tour, so it had become the perfect opportunity for you to get to the gym every other day instead of once or twice a month. The results of the past three months of having your membership had already presented some results, but you weren’t where you wanted to be, so you were here for the second time since the break started to work off as much as possible before getting back on the road. The gym where you were working out was relatively small and only had a handful of each machine, so you were stuck working out directly next to the other patrons, which made you uneasy. It made it easy for you to recognize when people where judging and talking about you.

    You were in the middle of using one of the ellipticals in the back corner of the gym, when a few girls walked in. To say they were gorgeous is an understatement. They were tall, thin, tan, and everything you envied. They were the type of girls that could get any boy they wanted, the ones that were probably instagram models. They were what you wanted to look like, and you spent a good five minutes glancing at them and wishing you could look like that instead of your short, chubby frame. You shook away those thoughts, and continued with your exercise. If anything, having those girls near you made you even more determined.

    A few minutes later, you glanced back at the group of girls to see them staring at you and whispering to each other. It was behavior you knew too well, the type of behavior that told you that they were making fun of you. It disheartened you a little, but eventually you were able to forget about it for the last ten minutes on the elliptical. You eventually left the machine, and made your way over to the weights, but you were interrupted when one of the twigs stepped in your way. “I admire your effort over there” she said with barely disguised disdain. “Although, at this point, I doubt it will help you.” She finished with a quick, disgusted glance up and down your frame. “Excuse me?”  “Seriously, you think you could ever make yourself look... well like me. C’mon, you’re way too fat for that.” She laughed and glanced at her friends, who where snickering behind her filming the whole thing. “You should just quit now, fatty, because you’ll never be thin. You’ll never be pretty, and you’ll NEVER find someone who will love someone of your....size.” She gave you a sympathetic pat on the back and turned, returning to her friends who each gave her a high five. You were stuck in place for a solid minute, before you realized you were just standing in the middle of the gym with tears in your eyes. The embarrassment was enough to cause you to immediately grab your stuff and leave. You finally let the tears you had been forcing not to fall run down your face as you walked the few blocks to Josh’s place, where you were staying since you didn’t own a place in Columbus. 

    You reached his place twenty minutes later. You spent two minutes in the yard, using your phone’s camera to clean up your face--to wipe all evidence of your tears from your face, knowing Josh could read you like an open book. You entered the house quietly, doing your best to avoid Josh. It worked as you were able to slip by him while he was in the kitchen with his back to you, but he was alerted to your presence when you accidentally let your bedroom door close too loudly. “Y/n” he called after you. “I expected you to be gone for another half hour at least, you okay?” Your silence was enough to draw him away from making dinner and down the hall to your room. He tried the door nob, only to discover that you had locked it behind you, something neither of you ever did. Perhaps that was a mistake on your part as it immediately alerted him to the fact that something had gone wrong. “Y/n, open up.” You heard him call from directly outside your door, but you were glued to the floor in front of your full length mirror where you stood in you bra and underwear. You couldn’t stop the tears as you looked at yourself. You’ve always regretted letting yourself go in college, but today it all felt like too much. 

     You were so stuck in your head, that you didn’t hear the door unlock behind you, and it wasn’t until Josh was standing behind you that you even remembered he had a spare key made for all the doors. His reflection frowned at yours, where tears were still falling down your cheeks despite the fact you refused to meet his eyes.  “Y/n,” he frowned. “Tell me what happened.” You shook your head, too embarrassed by the story to tel him. “Please, y/n, I hate seeing you like this.” A small whimper escaped your throat as he put his arms around you.  “Please don’t touch me.”  “Y/n” he begged. “Please. Let me help you.” You stood in silence for a few moments more before your resolve crumpled and you retold the whole embarrassing story while tears continuously streamed down your face. When you finished, he gently guided you back to your bed where he sat you down.

     Kneeling in front of you, he replied “Y/n, you are beautiful. Those girls are horrible people who don’t see the real you.” You stared at a space behind him, refusing to look at him. “Y/n, look at me.” It was a stern but soft command that you couldn’t help but obey. “Believe me, you are the most beautiful girl in the world. Yes, those girls may be thin, but they’re ugly on the inside. You are beautiful both on the outside and the inside.” “No I’m not. I’m fat.” “There’s just more of you to love. Y/n, I know it’s hard to believe but you are stunning, and any man would be lucky to have you.” “Yeah but no one wants me.”  “Now that’s not true, and you know it” he stated incredulously.  “Oh really?” You replied. “Name one person who wants to be with me.” He hesitated for a moment, but his one word response knocked the wind out of you. “Me.” “That’s not funny.” “It’s not a joke,” he replied, which made you scoff in response. “I’m serious, Y/n, I’ve been in love with you for months, and haven’t had the courage to tell you.”  You watched his face for any hint that what he was telling you was false, but seeing none there you replied “you’re serious?” “Dead serious.” “I love you too.” “Really?” “Really. I just never thought you’d want me.” “Are you kidding? You’re everything I’ve ever wanted.” He smiled at you before gently placed his hand on the side of your face and bringing you into a soft kiss. When you broke apart, you couldn’t prevent the smile that spread across your face.  “Now go shower.” Josh said. “Dinner will be ready when you get out.”

[mike-waitforit-coe]

Nymphae Noucali

                                            Part one

The truth of the matter is that most who stray do not lead revolutions past the known empires.  Some however, if they find equilibrium in the vast combinations outward and through, will find a kind of refuge.  It may surprise you to think that races known for the diversity and breadth of acceptance that is mother earth can still be cruel.  They can be cruel in intervals and in passing gestures or lacktherof.  They can be cruel in what is held above what and the smallest of reasons for why. These races, all of a particular strangeness, can ironically be cruel in how they place anomie.  

Lilly had all the graceful features of the tree elves.  She had their swiftness, cunning, and wisdom.  She had the coveted Greek features of sharp beauty in her face, and a soft yet attractively pointed edge at her lips that could find and soothe the mists and shadows of these mysterious realms.  She knew not every spell, but she mastered those that she knew to a particular potency, enough to undo the often irresponsible musings others would cast down from their scaling limbs. Such was part of the problem.  She spent more time on the ground than her people of the tree.  She observed closely and carefully.  Lately she even spent time in the lower waters, gossiped oft to be an unclean place.  

They called her Panda because of all the time she spent amidst the grass more than the branches, and some took the insult further saying she was too heavy by now to be up there with them anyway.  This certainly hurt, and as time went on she spent more and more time down there.  In truth it was more studying than hiding.  An odd encounter with an Orcan male made her wonder of their origin.  The man was hesitant, almost to the point of being warm.  Because of this she grew strong doubts to the Elvin tale that they were pigs merely five times feral.  His tusks looked more like trembling teeth and his grimace more a slight quivering lip.  His skin looked surprisingly smooth, not bumpy or hairy.  She had t wonder then, does he somewhere in his line have the gentlemanly demeanor of the tree frogs?

Eventually though Lilly was written off a monster of the realm, the shade and shadow of the bottom was a point of contest for her people.  It was no longer about how high they could peer or swing or what rubes they could make of the other creatures in a rube Goldberg of clashing branches, it was about how close they could get to the bottom and still return, which gave the smaller of the bunch a bit of an edge.  Yes young Pinecot did in fact reach the bottom and its red grasses, but he would not return without a tale of his own.

He sneaked across to the purple film stream where Lilly stood pensively with hair slightly unkept outside of society  because such was not her concern during one of her studies. He still admired  the curly flow of it and its natural shimmer, perhaps a bit too much.  Pincot yanked a thick  healthy strand with one hand and bashed the back of her head with the other.  As Lilly lay unconscious and afloat, he climbed back up with his prize.  The stream carried her and the strength of her legs with the curves of her hips even in this state helped  steer her way from treachery, the small of her back keeping her flat while her thick hair kept her head to the side.     

The splashes and laps calmed with the approaching drum of a walking stick as rocks smashed her in and out of consciousness yet her form stayed a steady flow. The blur of existence above her became clearer, it's blurs fighting an unapologetic shadow. The shadow spoke as she climbed ashore. “You find yourself in Purgatory madame, as I believe any tree elf soaked in glorified swamp water would”

“But... But what have I done to land here sir?

“If nothing comes instantly to mind I should doubt you've done much of anything. Your soul and spirit are I suspect bound by the sins cast upon you my dear.” He bites down on a purple thistle, shining one fang “What then would the woodwomen of whichever wonderbouts chuck through their church-lady cheekbones and chipmunk high noses in their catty, cackled, and cuckled cheaply chuckled chatter, hmmm?

A shy smile stretched cross her face, prompting the shadow man to bound a-back in the least stealthy manner imaginable

“Good Lord, don't tell me you've found something here to your LIKING! Ye the people of high nests  and noses? My what gross perversion is this..”

 A growl ending in whine prompted his sarcasm trail with a laugh, both dog and man-beast hiding their mouths while their eyes scrunched. Forgive me madame, sometimes I jest to sharply at the vain of the matter. I am Carl the Uncounted, and beast's best goes by many names, but you may call her Stripe.”

“I don't know about my mind being too twisted good sir, but it seems I have twisted my ankle.”

Curiosity again sank the teeth of the shadow man. “From where mi'lady?”

Spireflex

His eyes bulged a size larger than jest now

“Tis a wonder you're not shattered to your slender neck from such a height!” “Slender?” she said as if it was surely a mistake

“And THAT'S the part that shocks you?  Would it offend your sensibilities to be carried by such new acquaintance as myself? Stripe's mouth is watering, you should be a goodly distance from her teeth.” Stripe again hid her face in embarrassment.

“... Carried where?”

“To the Wiccant, master of what he calls Wiccanthropy. I doubt he will grow you a new leg of the same species, but he should be able to help mend this one.”

“And why sir should I be so close to your teeth?”

Because my dear, my stomach is quite sensitive most mornings.  Honestly, when everything is in kettles and pots and roasts the whole bloody world is too harshly seasoned. Come along now before I fry in a noon sun. “ He picked her up steadily and swift. "you're quite light.". Lilly didn't believe this for a second.

 "You're probably used to feasting on trolls and Centarions."

"Is this any time to insult my diet? he retorted “Anyway, you do feel a bit different from your kindlets I suppose. They are like mummified jewelry cases. The weight you hold though is I suspect much more evenly and well fitted than you think. You would not swim so well otherwise."She gave this no response. "The man ahead can tell you more." @overcomplicatedxoxo

- by Michael James Coe