#and having to leave them BEHIND at the end of s1 and suffering so much guilt over it

[chronicsyd]

"oh you can't say 'Vi doesn't love Jinx like she does Powder' cause with that logic Jinx doesn't love Vi either"

okay, I'll bite. Jinx and Vi Both don't "love" who the other's grown into. Because after being separated for seven years they Both had misconceptions on how the other would turn out like. Vi thought Jinx would be still Powder who was simply being Forced to work with Silco, not that she was Willingly working for him and took the insecurities both Vi and Mylo bestowed upon her and made it her new name/self. Jinx, on the other hand thought that Vi would continue to love her unconditionally no matter How she turned out.

But they were both Wrong.

Despite Sevika telling Vi that Jinx calls herself "Jinx" now, she calls out "Powder" when the two first meet up again, most likely being overwhelmed by seeing her for the first time in seven years, but she continues to treat Jinx like the 11-12 year old that Vi Used to know, much to Jinx's dismay. But you can see the cracks start to form for Vi when she A) talks about her regret in even calling her "Jinx" in the first place and B) when the two are fighting the Firelights and she sees the glee in Jinx's expression in killing them, and it just gets worse from there on out for her. Because that's not the girl that Vi knew, she's changed. And despite everything Vi can't bring herself to love who this new girl is now. Yes, Vi has sat in denial saying she can "get her back", which is part of the problem, Vi's too stuck on trying to get "Powder" back and having things go back to the way they used to be (so yes, Vi doesn't "love" Jinx in the way that she does Powder, people aren't wrong for saying that). And the way Jinx deems that Vi Can "get Powder back" is too much for her, and Vi can't agree with what her sister Wants. She tries to compromise with her sister by "leaving everything behind" but Jinx's own demons don't trust her, and Vi can't see how much distress she's putting her sister in when she tells her to remember Mylo, Claggor and Vander (cause Vi's still set in her ways of "getting Powder back" during this moment).

But on Jinx's side, she claims that Vi "changed to". And it doesn't solely have to do with Caitlyn. She thought that Vi could bring herself to love who Jinx's turned into, despite all her flaws ("I thought, maybe you could love me like you used to. even though I'm... different."), Vi would always be there for her, because that's how Vi's been in the past. Vi's voice from Jinx's past were the thing that kept Jinx going all these years, she said so herself. Despite everything (Mylo's bullying, Powder's insecurities, etc.), the two always had each others backs growing up. The old Vi probably wouldn't've thought twice about hurting an Enforcer, but This Vi can't bring herself to shoot Caitlyn, she simply couldn't do it. And that's too much for Jinx to comprehend. I don't think Jinx can comprehend how or why Vi has let herself grow so attached to this enforcer that she's met merely a couple of days ago but can't show the same for Jinx herself.

Honestly, it's an issue for the both of them, they're both remembering how the other Used to be. And expecting them to still behave in that same way, and grasping with the changes that the other have made has been hard for the both of them.

So, keeping all that in mind; let's talk about "being opposite of what they were in S1" for the both of them shall we? (I'm also gonna add Christian Linke's (co-creator) thoughts from a few days ago as well. I have a lot more to say on Vi than Jinx)

Vi: The main change for S2 compared to S1 is her relationship with Jinx. She probably loses that last remaining hope/denial that she'll ever get Powder back, and with that grows a newfound determination to put an end to the suffering that Jinx has caused. And probably harbors anger and resentment towards Jinx due to her actions. Now deep down would I say there's still love for her sister? hard to say (she probably does in her heart, but her head is going to be leading her this season more than ever) but what I Can say with certainty is that outright forgiveness is off the table. Vi joins the enforcers because she feels what she's doing is right; whether or not you agree is irrelevant. Vi believes she's responsible in the "creation" of Jinx and that what Jinx has done is her responsibility, harboring Vander's words from her past (Christian goes on to ask "can you forgive a monster?" and I think that's what Vi's head sees Jinx as right now, the monster that she created). There's also a discussion of Vi's amnesia from League lore but I don't have certainty if that's going to be put into play this season or not, so something to keep in the back of your mind (for now at least).

Jinx: In S1, Jinx had an unhealthy codependent relationship with Silco due to being tormented by the demons of her past. But with Silco being dead and Vi being committed to taking her down she'll have no one to turn to in the way that she did with Silco. Sure, Sevika's there but their relationship will look nothing like it did with Jinx and Silco. Jinx will have to live for herself and discover her own identity and her own wants for her future; whatever that future holds for her.

[purpleheartskies]

Johnny's redemption story (so far)

Since s1, the series has been pitched as Johnny's redemption story. However, by the end of s5, Johnny's story doesn't narratively include a "redemption" in any meaningful way. Although many fans claim that Johnny redeemed himself in earlier seasons (s1 in particular), I think the "redemption arc" part of Johnny's redemption story hasn't even started yet. After all, in most redemption stories, there is a lot of story/setup before a character even starts to be redeemed. I'm going to talk about Johnny's redemption. Then, I'm going to judge his story based on "five common problems with redemption arcs" to see if Johnny's story suffers from any of these problems.

Johnny needs redemption for his wrongs towards Robby, yet Johnny has done absolutely nothing of substance throughout the series to make up for his lifetime of failures with Robby.

In an interview after filming s5 but before s4's release, Billy said this about Johnny:

Johnny isn’t "consciously trying to find redemption as much as he’s trying to find himself without the Cobra Kai blanket on him... He’s trying to rewind time and go back to the belly of where this all started and undo all these knots. He just wants his kid back, he wants love, and he wants to run a dojo without any interference — [to] live a nice, simple life. But he’s got a long way to go there."

Billy's first and last sentence indicate that Johnny needs redemption but is nowhere near achieving it. Johnny wanting a nice simple life without actually working for it sounds pretty par for the course for Johnny. Johnny wants it easy. He wants to just move on without actually working for a redemption and making amends. He just wants rewards without having to earn them. In s3e10, Johnny set out to get an easy reward after his conversation with Ali:

Ali: "Sometimes it's good to visit the past to know where you are now. But you can't live in the past." Johnny: "No." Ali: "We have to live for today. And the future."

Johnny wanted to pursue more with Ali, although he had slept with Carmen the night before, but Ali shut that down. After this conversation, Johnny went to proclaim his "love" to Carmen while not caring at all where Robby was, that he was homeless, alone, and may even possibly be dead. Later, after Johnny's confrontations with his "past"---Kreese and Robby---, Johnny decided to leave them behind for good and move onto his "today" and "future"---Carmen and Miguel. In s4, he focused on his "do over" family, while not caring at all about Robby. Johnny "loves" Carmen because she enables him and completely overlooks his worst traits. Camen "loves" Johnny because he runs after her son while abandoning his own. This is definitely an unhealthy romantic relationship for Johnny to be in.

In general, instead of building healthy relationships with people who encourage him to be the best version of himself, Johnny has built codependent relationships with people, Miguel and Carmen, who encourage Johnny to only be the best version of himself that primarily benefits them. This of course adds to Johnny's failures with Robby, as Johnny prioritizes these people over Robby. Of course, Johnny doing this is an intentional choice on his part, and he is the one who is accountable to Robby for it.

Johnny's continued dysfunctional behavior with Robby is one of a few things that makes Johnny's story so far so unfulfilling, as this is supposed to be his "redemption" story. Instead, throughout the series, Johnny has been using Miguel and, since s5, the baby as well to feel better about himself. He does this to Robby's detriment, mistreating and traumatizing Robby even more. Starting out the series, Johnny's greatest, unforgivable sin is abandoning Robby his whole life. By the end of s5, Johnny has objectively dug that hole much, much deeper.... to the point that Johnny has crossed the "moral event horizon" (is beyond redemption) for some of us fans (specifically those of us who don't cheer on Johnny's behavior towards Robby, Johnny choosing the Diazs over Robby, the dysfunctional toxic blended family, and how it all came together at Robby's expense).

In the writers' interview with Koves, Josh Heald said this:

"Everything boils down to the type of karate that you learned. But it doesn't go to the actual punches and kicks. It's the type of teacher you have, the type of father or mother or sensei. However you define that. [Jon: And the lesson is behind it.] And what they're telling you to do and how they're telling you to help live your life and why. Are they in it for their own redemption or are they really in it for you? What have they been through that you don't know about? Like, you know, it goes back to that big why why why."

This is a really pointed statement. Given the storylines in the show, it's no question who Josh was talking about: Johnny and his relationship with Miguel. Josh is admitting that Johnny's intention in his relationship with Miguel is using Miguel as a "do over" for his own redemption. Of course, this was established in s1e4 as Johnny's purpose of choosing Miguel over Robby throughout the series. This interview with the Koves took place between the s4 and s5 releases, after s5 had already been filmed.

In a later interview after s5 came out, Josh said about Johnny and the baby plot device:

"He had one chance of being a biological father and kind of blew it for most of that kid's childhood. He had a second chance at being this kind of surrogate dad that is a work in progress, but is generally going kind of good. We wanted to kind of give him one more chance."

So, if Miguel is meant to be the "redemption" for Johnny, like many fans believe Miguel is, why did the writers give Johnny the baby as "one more chance"? Sounds like Johnny failed at his "second chance". In s5, nothing about Johnny's relationship with Miguel was detached from Johnny's relationship with Robby. Even Johnny's advice to Miguel in s5e3 about promising to do better tied into Johnny's scene later with Carmen. Johnny essentially promised Carmen that he won't fail her and the baby like he had failed Shannon and Robby. Going to rescue Miguel while not endangering Carmen in s5e1/2 involved mistreating and endangering Robby to do so. I've always said that the Johnny and Miguel hug at the end of s5e2 was more for the sake of Robby seeing it than for either Johnny or Miguel. Then, the s5e3 advice scene had its links to Johnny's failures with Robby. In fact, all of Johnny's s5e3 scenes were essentially about or referred to his failures with Robby. At breakfast, Carmen asked Johnny how things were with Robby. Then, in their next scene, she admit that she's late. After that, every conversation between them about the baby became about Johnny's insecurities because of his failures with Robby. S5e5 still was Johnny putting himself, Miguel, Carmen, and the baby over Robby. (In s5e6, it's implied that Johnny put Daniel over Robby.) S5e8 included the "fatherly advice" comment scene in which Johnny gave fatherly advice to Miguel and then got annoyed with Robby for essentially calling him out for not giving fatherly advice to Robby. Later, Robby was relegated to a side seat while Miguel sat across from Johnny during his talk with the boys in which Johnny didn't really address the impact that Hawk injuring Robby had on him and didn't address that Miguel had used the injury against Robby in this match in the s1 tournament. Johnny completely acted like Miguel hadn't cheated to win that championship. Johnny continues to pretend like Robby's traumas don't exist and wants Robby to do the same. The only thing to note positively is that Johnny looked at Robby's gi and told the judge to call the joint dojo Miyagi-Do. In s5e9, Johnny brought up Robby in the ultrasound scene. In fact, Vanessa Rubio said in an interview that Carmen originally had no lines in that scene, and that Vanessa insisted that Carmen needs lines in that scene. This means that the ultrasound scene was literally written for Johnny to muse about his failures with Robby. Later, while celebrating at a club, Chozen and Johnny have a conversation about their past mistakes. In s5e10, during the final brawl, there were the scene transitions between Johnny and Robby that sandwiched the line by Silver that Johnny's just going to screw up another kid. So even Silver finding out about the baby in s5e9 led to him commenting to Johnny in s5e10 about Johnny's failures with Robby. Again, essentially all of the baby plotline and Johnny's scenes with Miguel or Carmen in s5 acknowledged Johnny's failures with Robby---which is Johnny's reason for needing redemption and his reason for running after Miguel, Carmen, and the baby plot device to feel better about himself.

Johnny's entire arc in s5 was essentially rooted in and driven by his failed relationship with Robby, like his whole story has been since s1e4. The story, mostly through Johnny himself, kept reminding the audience that Johnny is not redeemed yet and that he needs redemption for failing with Robby. This is dramatic irony. Johnny believes he's already arrived: "If I can change, and you can change, everybody can change." But, we the audience have all the context we need to know that Johnny has a long way to go for redemption, like Billy said. However, the majority of the audience chooses to support Johnny prioritizing the Diazs over Robby, no matter how Johnny treats Robby, and wants Johnny's relationships with the Diazs to be the source of Johnny's redemption for failing with Robby. Even before s5 and the baby plot device, many fans didn't want Johnny prioritizing Robby over Miguel and Carmen in order to redeem himself to Robby.

In an interview with Cobra Kai Kid after filming CK s5, but before its release, Hayden said that they [he, Jon, and Josh] cared more about Johnny's redemption than about Kreese's redemption. WatchParty did a video about Hayden's comment. In his video, WatchParty tried to figure out what else Johnny could need redemption for, claiming that Johnny had been redeemed in s1 because Miguel had won the tournament. Though, this makes no sense because that win came at Robby's expense and Johnny himself was not happy with that win, at the time (before the school fight and Johnny eventually walking away from Robby for good at the end of the s3). WatchParty's second guess was Johnny needing to redeem himself to Robby. This is just one of many examples of the fact that many fans believe that Johnny is already redeemed because of his relationship with Miguel. Many also seem to believe that Johnny redeeming himself to Robby for abandoning Robby since his birth is either unnecessary/unimportant and/or Johnny's redemption for abandoning Robby should be about Johnny making it up to himself by focusing on his "do over" family instead of making it up to Robby. In turn, the story itself throughout all 5 seasons indicates, through Johnny himself most times, that Johnny still needs redemption for failing with Robby.

The interesting thing about the writers' comments that I've quoted above is how they write Johnny. They don't grow Johnny at all when it comes to Robby or Johnny's other character flaws. The trope usually is that the new people in the character's life sparks a change in the character that brings about his positive growth and eventual redemption. So, why would the writers have Johnny choose Miguel and later the baby over Robby since s1? Why would the writers give Johnny the baby if Johnny's relationship with Miguel were redemptive for Johnny? Why would the writers still be concerned about Johnny's redemption but not grow him at all in s5? Neither Miguel, Carmen, nor the baby plot device have resulted in any long-term positive growth for Johnny. In another interview, they said that Kreese was offered redemption in s5, and he didn't take it in the end. They haven't made a statement like that about Johnny choosing or not choosing redemption. Instead, Billy said that Johnny has a long way to go there. The writers also needed one and a half more seasons (an extra long final season) to tell whatever story they have left to tell, which is likely the redemption they have planned for Johnny. In s5, they kept Johnny unredeemed with no positive growth. He continued to neglect and abuse Robby. He continued to be an alcoholic with no real effort to stop. He continued to be a deadbeat, who is more indulgent in a karate war and committing crimes as part of it whenever he feels like it, instead of actually taking seriously that he has people depending on him. He didn't take that responsibility seriously before when only Shannon and Robby were dependent on him, and he doesn't take it seriously now when he will also have Carmen, Miguel, and the baby plot device depending on him. Shannon telling him that it's okay that they failed with Robby because she and Johnny were "young and dumb" doesn't change the fact that he failed then and is still failing now.

In s5e9, we're shown a very blatant contrast between Johnny's approach to redemption and Chozen's approach to it.

Johnny: "My whole life was haunted by one stupid kick. I thought if I could go back in time, do things different, dodge it, block it, my life would be fixed. The kick wasn't the problem. I had to stop focusing on what was behind. Start looking at what was in front of me." [indicates to Carmen] Chozen: "We are same. Both make mistakes. Both feel guilt for pain we caused. Now, you have, uh, friends. Family. Children. I always wanted same thing."

Chozen then mentions Kumiko to Johnny after he asks if there's someone back home that Chozen is interested in. Johnny mentions this to Daniel, so Daniel goes to Chozen.

Chozen: "When, uh, Kumiko and I were children, we would play in the ruins of King Shō Hashi Castle. I would hide, and she would always find me. After my disgrace in village... I tried to hide from everything. But Kumiko find me again. And her kindness brought me back." Daniel: "She's something special, all right." Chozen: "Hai." Daniel: "Does she know how you feel?" Chozen: "No. No! No. How I treated her, what I did to her... Unforgivable." Daniel: "You can't keep punishing yourself. You've done all you can to make up for what you did back then, and Kumiko knows that. Look, she's the reason you're here. She went after you. Maybe now it's your turn to go after her." Chozen: "Thank you, Daniel-san. You're welcome, my friend."

The contrast in these two outlooks and approaches is so important. Johnny simply walked away from his past, including his wrongs, and decided to move on. Hell, he even left Robby with Kreese, Johnny's own abuser and the real root of Johnny's trauma from the night of the stupid kick. Johnny has felt guilt for his mistakes, like Chozen said, but Johnny has never made up for them. Chozen's dialogue with Johnny distinctly left out making up for past mistakes, while Daniel's dialogue with Chozen included it. Chozen focused on Kumiko when he spoke about the past and how his actions had affected her. He said what he did was unforgivable. But Daniel told Chozen that he had done all he could to make up for what he did back then, and that Kumiko knows this. Now, whether you're okay with Chozen and Kumiko becoming a couple is another issue, but the point here is that Chozen has been making amends for over 30 years. Chozen has also sincerely expressed his remorse to Daniel for what he did to him in the past, while Johnny hasn't expressed his.

Making amends is something Johnny has yet to do. Johnny always speaks about his wrongs towards Robby as if it's too late and as if he can't fix it. He simply doesn't even really try to. When he gets even a little bit of rightful anger from Robby, he bolts. He runs from working for a real redemption. After all, redemption for Johnny wouldn't just be confronting his wrongs towards Robby but also confronting what happened with Kreese the night of the stupid kick and confronting the parts of himself that he loathes. Johnny is afraid to do so. Johnny told Robby while they were in Mexico:

"I'm out here trying to fix my mistakes so that I don't have to live with the regret of making them."

Johnny's guilt is all about himself, and he just wants to feel better about himself. Johnny doesn't consider how Robby feels or how his failures have affected Robby and keep affecting him. Johnny moving on is all about himself. In the end, after he committed a crime and almost got himself killed for no reason, Carmen told him that she thought she'd lost him. He responded:

"You can't get rid of me that easy. The thought of losing you and Miguel, Robby, our family, kicked me into a gear I didn't know I had. Couldn't stand the thought of missing the rest of our life together.

It's all about Johnny and what he would lose. He didn't care about how his loved one would be impacted by losing him.

Johnny's redemption with Robby is at the core of Johnny's character story. But, wrt the plot in general, Johnny also has to redeem himself for bringing Cobra Kai back. He let Pandora out of her box, and he himself hasn't actually done anything of meaning to put her back inside. In s2, Johnny had been trying to change Cobra Kai because his students had chosen to show no mercy to Robby in the s1 avt. Kreese however came crawling back and manipulated Johnny to let him back in. Kreese didn't like that Johnny was changing Cobra Kai and usurped the dojo from Johnny, using the events of the school fight against him. Johnny then, in true Johnny fashion, chose to walk away from Cobra Kai and Kreese. Johnny acted like none of this was his problem anymore. Johnny only got involved again in the dojo war at the end of s3 because the Cobras attacked Miguel. Johnny didn't care otherwise. Well, earlier in s3, Johnny did care that Kreese might try to come near Miguel and so threatened Kreese away from him while leaving Robby wide open for the taking, but Johnny did nothing otherwise to stop Kreese or Cobra Kai. Johnny only teamed up with Daniel to take down Kreese after he and the Cobras became a threat to Miguel. In s4, Johnny was more focused on keeping Miguel than on maintaining the alliance with Daniel or on getting Robby away from Kreese. Johnny trained Sam after she came to learn from him, but Johnny didn't do a good job of training all of his dojo students and pretty much focused on Miguel and Devon only. Johnny didn't try to make amends with Daniel first at the avt and still got upset with Daniel for talking to Miguel. Eventually, after Daniel apologized first, Johnny also apologized and then helped coach Sam during her match. However, in s5, after the loss at the s4 avt, Johnny once again washed his hands of the dojo war. He acted like Cobra Kai being back was no longer his fault. He only took part in helping take down Cobra Kai once again when he was prompted to, this time because Daniel had come to him for help and then Silver beat Daniel. Overall, just like Johnny doesn't actually make the active effort of making amends to Robby, Johnny also doesn't try to actively do more to stop Cobra Kai from spreading. Johnny drops the responsibility of making up for the problems he causes. Bringing back Cobra Kai is something Johnny has to make up for. In a way, Johnny made a vow to do that in s5: "You wanna know why I'm in this fight? So I can erase everything you did. And every mark you left. Every memory of you." Let's see how Johnny actually does in s6. Meaning, let's see how much active effort he puts into taking down Cobra Kai versus how much he lets Daniel and others try to fix his mistakes for him again.

I wrote this post because I came across an article about five common problems in redemption arcs and I wanted to judge Johnny's story so far in light of these problems.

Problem 1: The motive for redemption is weak - Johnny's motive for redemption is strong, so this problem isn't present in his story. After all, he himself can't stop talking about how he has failed Robby. Throughout the series, he has failed Robby even more. Also, Johnny is the one who brought back Cobra Kai and he needs redemption for this as well.

Problem 2: The character is entitled to forgiveness - This one is tricky. Johnny acts like he is entitled to forgiveness. Many of his fans also believe that he is because he gives speeches about how failing Robby makes him feel guilty and feel sorry for himself. However, whenever Robby doesn't give Johnny forgiveness instantly, Johnny gives up on him. In s4e10, Robby told Johnny that he is sick of blaming Johnny. Johnny smiled in a relieved way. (I guess, good job, Johnny, for giving your son so much trauma that he's now too tired to keep hating you. /s) In s5, Johnny didn't tolerate Robby talking about Johnny's wrongs against him. Johnny has no genuine humility towards Robby.

I don't think the narrative has been making the case that Johnny is entitled to forgiveness. The entitlement comes more from Johnny himself. We're shown contrasts to Johnny's behavior, like with Chozen's real redemption and with Robby trying to be better than Johnny and not end up like him. We're also shown the parallel of Silver and Kreese acting entitled to forgiveness/trust while not deserving it. Johnny said about Kreese in s2e9, "I thought he could change. Turns out I was wrong, so I pushed him away." Johnny doesn't realize what a hypocrite he himself is when it comes to Robby pushing him away.

Every season, including s5, Robby has called out at least one thing about Johnny's behavior with him or how it affects him (Robby's trauma narrative). However, after the apartment fight and baby news, Robby stopped speaking out about it. In s5e7, Robby burying the egg during the egg lesson is a metaphor for how Robby is burying his true feelings about Johnny and everything. Robby brushed off his own fatherly advice comment in the next episode. This isn't a coincidence and is another example of Robby having to hide how he feels so that Johnny doesn't abandon him and to make Johnny feel better about himself. Johnny immediately becomes defensive when Robby justifiably calls him out, and Johnny does things like abandoning and not visiting Robby in juvie for months or abandoning him at a random bus stop in a foreign country after lying to him to get him to go on the trip.

Johnny said that he's out there trying to fix his mistakes so that he doesn't have to live with regret of making them. lol Johnny himself doesn't make a good case for being entitled to forgiveness.

Problem 3: Something unrelated is addressed - So, this is where I think fan perception is playing a huge role. The "unrelated" thing that fans perceive as being the source of Johnny's redemption is Johnny relationships with the Diazs and prioritizing them over Robby. However, as I've described above, Johnny himself keeps mentioning his failures with Robby. Although Johnny consciously tries to use Miguel and the baby as "do overs" and uses the Diazs to move on from his failures, Johnny subconsciously can't get over those failures. That is, he himself doesn't believe that using "something unrelated" as his redemption is redemptive.

I believe Problem 3 exists for Johnny's story because of fan perception and not because of the story itself. The moment any fan starts pointing out the nuance in the story that proves that Johnny's, Miguel's, Carmen's, and Robby's behaviors and the blended family are dysfunctional, fans who want the "something unrelated" (Diazs) to be Johnny's redemption brush off the nuance and claim that there is no more nuance in the show, "it's not that deep". All these people wouldn't for a second forgive, trust, or be happy with Johnny if they themselves were Robby. I bet if someone did a poll asking "Who would you want to be in the blended family: Miguel or Robby?", all these people would say Miguel ... because no one, absolutely no one, would want to be Robby in this toxic family. Many act like Robby should be understanding towards Johnny as he mistreats Robby to prioritize Miguel and his family... because yeah, if someone wrongs you, they should run after random people at your expense to make up for it 💀 (/s).

Problem 4: The character is unforgivable - I personally think Johnny is irredeemable. I often find myself asking "Can I throw Johnny away now?" as I'm writing a post or comment about how Johnny treats Robby. However, from a narrative standpoint and based on interviews, I know that the writers are going for a redemption for Johnny. I just won't believe it myself, even if in s6 they do some or all of the subversions that they have been setting up in the story these past 5 seasons. I'm just so done with Johnny. I draw a hardline when it comes to parents behaving the way Johnny does with Robby. But, I also know that the writers are using the whole "generational trauma" thing to make Johnny seem sympathetic and redeemable/forgivable when it comes to Robby. I'm done with that, and I know some others who are done with that too.

Problem 5: Amends aren’t made - Ha! Of course Johnny has done absolutely nothing so far to make amends to the person he's hurt the most. In fact, Johnny is now in the negative since starting the series. In s5e4, Johnny asked Shannon for forgiveness: "It's what I should have done for him and you long ago. I quit too many jobs 'cause I didn't like 'em instead of considering what's best for all of us. I wasn't man enough to know it then, but I do now. I'm sorry I sucked, Shannon." But, Johnny still isn't man enough to say these things to and take accountability with Robby. In s6, Johnny has to be a real badass and start making amends with Robby directly. Though, I'm not sure how Johnny can do this. There seems to be no set up for Johnny actually redeeming himself to Robby other than the toxic blended family being put together like a flimsy, decrepit house of cards, that is Johnny's unearned rewards are written to fall apart. Johnny also has to play a vital role in taking down Cobra Kai for good. In s5e10, he was given the sidekick sensei fight, while Chozen and Daniel each had their fight with the Cobra Kai "Big Bad of the season" Silver. With his promise to erase Kreese's legacy and with Kreese's escape from jail, Johnny seems set up to have an important role in finally taking down Cobra Kai once and for all in s6. Also, the story is exploring generational trauma. The writers have always said that they're exploring how Johnny's relationship with Kreese affected Johnny's relationship with Robby. Part of Kreese's legacy is the generational trauma that Johnny has been passing down to Robby. Kreese's and Silver's interests in Robby since they each found out about him could possibly mean that Johnny making amends to Robby may eventually be tied to these storylines.

Because the story isn't over, it's not possible to judge the story completely at this point. I've only judged it based on what we have so far. However, given the fan perception of s1-s5, with most fans who believe that "something unrelated" has been addressed to redeem Johnny (Johnny's relationships with the Diazs at Robby's expense) to those fans who think Johnny has become irredeemable wrt Robby, Johnny's "redemption" story most likely isn't going to be lauded after it's over. It definitely won't compare to Zuko's redemption story from the original ATLA. Johnny's "redemption" story likely won't stand the test of time, and I wouldn't be surprised if it's soon forgotten after the hype of the show dies down.

(These are general thoughts and not directed at anyone I've interacted with in particular. Also, as always, please don't comment or reblog with dismissive comments about the nuance in the show. The nuance is part of the story, and the story is exploring important topics like trauma, bullying, dysfunctional relationships, and abuse.)

[topaziraphale]

Hi I still haven't gotten out of bed but I'm already fully armed and ready to shoot down anyone that tries to say Aziraphale doesn't care about Crowley anymore or WORSE, never loved him THAT much in the first place.

Crowley is quite literally his top priority, he made that very clear with how distraught he is when Crowley leaves. Why would he shout "Don't go!" "Crowley, come back!" and "I NEED YOU!" if Crowley wasn't always at the forefront of his mind? Why is he so visibly striken and upset when he gives him that last, longing look, begging for Crowley to come with him and be with him forever, before deciding to step into that elevator? When he gets in there, his entire purpose shifts. He IS going to make everything better, and he IS going to make Crowley see the error of his ways.

I can promise you all Aziraphale is going to stop at NOTHING to get Crowley to come be with him forever, as an angel. He is going to do WHATEVER it takes, now that he is the acting Supreme Archangel. It's Crowley he wants first, Heaven he wants second, and, sadly, due to the Mettatron making this offer, a life on Earth he wants last. And that sets up such a FANTASTIC conflict for S3!!!!!

Aziraphale, our beloved, fussy, STUBBORN Aziraphale, is now compromised. He is compromised with POWER. Power as the LITERAL, SUPREME ARCHANGEL. Is this NOT SUCH AN EXCITING AND HEARTBREAKING PROMISE FOR A WILD S3 EXPERIENCE??

Guys, we ALL know Aziraphale let Crowley down, but you have to see that Crowley let Aziraphale down in his eyes. Just as much. That's what makes this scene so tragic. We know Aziraphale isn't thinking the way we and Crowley thought he would, or HOPED he would despite how the world Didn't End. How despite everything in how S1 ended, he was still left with an uncontested sense of superiority that we were all too elated to see was something Left Behind within him.

This season brought all that stuff out:

"We will win of course. Obviously. Heaven will triumph over Hell. It's all going to be rather lovely."

"You were an angel once..."

"Why, yes, I am a great deal holier than thou, that's the whole point."

(after gabriel/beelzebub leave in s1) "See, Crowley, it's as I said--" (back to what he said in the Bentley in S1E2, how Evil always plants the seeds of its own destruction and Good will always win out in the end)

These types of thoughts, and him spending all of the 6,000 years he knew Crowley separating them as one inherently good and one inherently wicked.... guys, that won't just go away after only 4 years of being on their Own Side. We hoped it would. We wanted it to. But it doesn't make sense. Yes, even if the earthshattering realization Aziraphale had that Heaven never truly cared about what was Good did change his character and essentially complete his arc in S1... it didn't change everything.

His arc in S1 was completed when he learned that Heaven wasn't for him. That they never cared. That only he and Crowley could save this world. But this is where the show deviates from the book - Aziraphale in the book is angry. Bitter. Scorned. Aziraphale in the show is just heartbroken. He mourns for the only ever family he knew. He mourns what he always saw himself to be. That mourning isn't just going to go away after 4 years. What is 4 years to a creature that has lived for a possible billion before the Creation? 4 years on earth to 6,000? That terrible wound he suffered that day is still VERY much fresh. It's an open wound he didn't properly take care of. And the Mettatron noticed, didn't he? Yes, you can understand that someone or Something isn't FOR you, and know all the reasons why, yet still wish you could go back... it's how abusive relationships work. You confuse nostalgia with remorse. You confuse nostalgia for real love.

Of COURSE he would seize the opportunity to get what he felt he lost back. And HE could do it. HE has the power. He can make it ALL RIGHT again, everything he's ever wanted...

...and this is why he completely breaks down when Crowley doesn't want to be beside him to do it. Rewatch it. Look at him. Look in his eyes. The way he winces when Crowley kisses him. His internal conflict (Heaven/Crowley vs. Our Side/Crowley) is externalized through Sheen's brilliant acting. His arms coming up to embrace him, but they never fully commit, they just graze him and hover around his body. The way he launches himself backward, away from the kiss, but his body is still slightly leaning forward. When he brings up his shaky hand to touch his lips, and not crying. Never crying. Because he is an Angel, and Angels don't cry. Not like a Demon would. Crowley is all he wants, but now, Crowley doesn't want him. Not like this. Not anymore.

Because, well, Aziraphale said it, didn't he?

Nothing lasts forever.

[remarcely]

I didn't like Sylvie in S1, mostly because of the whole sylki thing, but S2 has made me her number 1 defender.

It blows my mind that people watched the show and went away with 'wow, Sylvie's a bitch' because it just reeks of misogyny and not having the capacity to understand a complex character.

Sylvie, since the age of 10-ish, has been fleeing a constant threat to her existence and grew up in apocalypses. She couldn't have anything permanent other than herself because she has to keep moving and anything she leaves behind is destroyed. No friends, no family, and no universe of her own.

Then she gets put in a room with the one guy who ruined her entire life and countless others, of course she's going to be determined to kill him. She started as a scared child, it makes sense that she became and angry adult. Nothing, not even Loki begging her, could stop He Who Remain(ed)s death.

And lets be honest he deserved it.

Then in the finale, she watches a variant of herself and a friend she faced hell along side sentence himself to an eternity of sitting on a throne, holding the multiverse in place. Loki gave everyone a chance to live and, most importantly, a choice. To stay at the TVA or go home. Verity (Hunter B-15) and Frank (Casey) chose to stay, Mobius found it too difficult without Loki and left, and Sylvie's choice was obvious.

It's unfair to be angry at her for showing happiness in the finale. Time has clearly passed since Loki left, though we're not shown how much, of course she's managed to move on. I don't see anyone pissed off at B-15 for continuing with their life? What about Casey or Ouroboros?

Also, we saw Sylvie's face as Loki made his sacrifice.

Does she look happy to you?

That is a face of horror and distress as she watches yet another person in her life essentially give up his freedom while she survives.

Do you ever think about the survivors guilt Sylvie has? That in all of the apocalypses she hid in, she saw men, women, and children be killed knowing she technically could save them but it would make them a variant and doom them further. That she is the only one from her own universe that wasn't reset, making her the lone survivor of her world?

Even with the infinite possibility for the future multiverse, those worlds will have their own Sylvie. There's no place for her there, so she has to make her own somewhere else.

From the end of Season 1 to most of Season 2, Sylvie has been fighting for the chance to live a normal life. When she gets it, through such suffering and loss, is she really supposed to be miserable forever because one person is gone? She quite literally got the only thing she's ever wanted, that's got to give her a lot of relief.

Don't be the person to think 'this silly woman gets between my gay ship, brrrr rage what a bitch' or take her as one dimensional.

She's selfish because she's sacrificed everything she had, I think by now she's allowed to be. Sophia Di Martino did a wonderful job and deserves to have her character be enjoyed and understood, not labelled as annoying and 'the real villain'.

Some people only paid mind to the shipping when watching the show, ignoring the plot, and it really shows.

[sennqu]

ok i am ready to be spicy. so i made this post the other day (or yesterday what is time) without tags: (with some slight word changes)

"oh, I get it now. I think I understand a big reason why the "Mike is in love with Will but just doesn't want to admit it because he has internalized homophobia" is such a popular fandom opinion. Because then Mike's behavior becomes "obviously" romantic since this take assumes that he's aware of his behavior.

The take that he's "simply oblivious, simply doesn't know his feelings are actually romantic in nature", which -- in my opinion -- is much more heavily supported by the text, is... actually kind of scary to consider from a "wanting the ship to be canon" perspective. Because it's pretty much close to saying that his feelings are actually just platonic after all because that's what Mike thinks they are."

So, I have been thinking very hard on this for a while because I do think that this is why there is a sort of...friction? anxiety? in the general vibes of the fandom with regards to how byler can even work out in S5 after the events of S4.

In my opinion, I think that the second take -- Mike is oblivious -- actually lends itself well to the prospect of official, no ways around it endgame byler better than the first one does.

Because imagine it: Mike doesn't have to suffer through thinking he's wrong or he's a mistake or that he's not conforming to society's standards before coming to terms with his feelings. He just has to realize he's in love with his best friend, and that his best friend is in love with him. Mike is going to be the out, loud, and proud person of this relationship. He just has to figure his shit out.

First, what do we know about Mike so far and what can we take away from it? and why is it not "internalized homophobia"?

The biggest evidence for me against the "internalized homophobia" take is in S1 when Will was being called names by Troy and friend. Mike physically retaliated. He didn't look ashamed; he looked angry. Because they were insulting his missing best friend right in front of him. He was not internalizing these slurs. What he was doing was defending Will, who was the target of this hate. He prioritized defending Will, who wasn't even there, over cowing to displays of homophobia.

What about that "It's not my fault you don't like girls" line? Surely that means he's repressed and internalizing some shit? Yeah, and maybe he was just talking faster than his mind could think? Mike ends up clarifying this line and gives away the actual thing that's holding him back: heteronormative thinking. He talks about getting girlfriends as part of growing up as a young man. He says this like a neutral piece of information.

Let's talk about Mike's fears. So far, all of Mike’s insecurities are about being needed, being useful. It's not conforming to society. It's not fitting the mold. If he feared that then he'd have done what Lucas did and joined a popular group. But what did he do? He leaned into his DnD hobby and even started dressing differently, growing his hair out too. S4 Mike is not afraid to be an outcast.

What he does fear most is people leaving him behind. That's what he says about/to El, and that's practically what he says to Will as his excuse for being weird at the airport. The knock-off outfit, the flowers. That wasn't him trying to be straight so he wouldn't be outed as gay or in love with his best friend or whatever. That was his attempt at saving his relationship because he does love El and he doesn't want to lose her too. But they are incompatible. He doesn't realize he doesn't love her romantically but he does love her. That's why he's struggling. Because he can't differentiate between the two.

Lastly, he says to Will: "I feel like I lost you". Which means he felt like he already lost Will. Loving someone and losing them is something Mike never wants to happen again because it already happened once, twice, three times before with Will. Once when Will vanished, the second time when Will got possessed, and the third time when Will moved away. Mike's issue isn't about loving Will and fearing he's gay; it's about losing Will again.

The bolded part is the one I want to highlight because it's the most important piece of the puzzle imo. I am willing to bet that not wanting to lose Will again is going to be a huge part of Mike’s arc in S5 and is going to lead to him finally realizing his feelings. I honestly don't think Will's confession is going to figure into things at all until Mike's realized his feelings. Because the audience has to see Mike fall in love with Will before he figures out Will loves him back. The audience should not be made to think that Mike only falls in love with Will because Will's in love with him.

But how will Mike realize exactly the difference between his love for Will and his love for El if he's this goddamn oblivious? How will the process even start? El has to break up with him. No other way around it. El has to tell him straight up that she does not believe he is in love with her. Only then can Mike be free to even think about what romantic love actually means to him. I imagine this is where he and Nancy will actually get to talk about something substantial again, when he asks her what being in love means. and that will further get the ball rolling. And I believe however his arc plays out, we will get to see Mike and Will definitively end up together.

Because Mike loves Will so much. He isn't quite aware of what this love is yet but he has it in abundance. That is why he was the only one apart from Joyce who pushed for finding Will initially; that is why he is always the first to apologize when he and Will fight; that is why the best thing he's ever done was ask Will to be his friend; that is why he lashed out at Will at the roller rink; that is why he was so over the moon about Will's painting and Will's words in the van that he ironically didn't even see Will crying; that is why he only said his monologue after Will practically told him to.

Will is and continues to be Mike's most important person. Once Mike realizes he's in love with Will and the feeling is mutual? Homophobia can go suck a tail pipe because how dare this concept make the love of his life feel like a mistake? Mike is going to kiss Will as soon he realizes because he is not going to let anyone make him wait a minute longer before kissing the boy of his dreams.

sneaky edit: the underlined parts are links to other analyses i've done before regarding Mike's behavior. Analyses over the airport/roller rink scene, him being oblivious, his love for El, etc!

[strangerthings4theories]

Mirror Images: Billy And El Are Reflections Of Each Other

As you read this post, hold the following concepts in your mind: yin and yang in Chinese philosophy. The Light Side and Dark Side in Star Wars. The real world and the Upside Down in Stranger Things.

That, my friends, is the level of thematic significance the Duffers are giving Billy and El. And it’s my top reason for believing Billy will come back.

Why?

El is arguably the main character of the show. Any character who’s linked to her so profoundly will be a Big Fuckin’ Deal.

You cannot, CANNOT, create such a consistent dynamic by accident, which tells me that...

...the Duffers have huge intentions for Billy. He will become more significant to the show, not less! If you think he’ll return just for flashbacks or memories, you’re not thinking big enough.

Buuuut I’m getting ahead of myself. First let me show you what I mean when I say Billy and El are mirror images. It’s pretty mind-blowing...

1) The broad strokes of Billy and El’s lives echo each other: their family backgrounds, their traumas, and their journeys in the show.

>>They’ve suffered under abusive fathers. In fact, in S2 they have encounters with their fathers in back-to-back episodes - El with Brenner in episode 7, Billy with Neil in episode 8. 

Both fathers are likened to the Mind Flayer in the power they wield over their children. In episode 7, El’s hallucination of Brenner tells her she has a “wound... growing and festering” (my paraphrase), a clear reference to the tunnels of the Upside Down. Kali, as the creator of the hallucination, is trying to tell El that he is the source of the wound, and El won’t heal until she’s confronted him. 

In episode 8, the title card “The Mind Flayer” opens on Neil driving back to the Hargrove house, implying he’s the real Mind Flayer in Billy’s life. As I’ve argued elsewhere, Billy won’t heal either until he’s confronted Neil.

>>Billy and El lost their mothers because of their fathers. Brenner fried Terry's brain with electricity for daring to defy him. Billy's mother left for an unknown reason, but we’re led to believe she couldn’t take Neil’s abuse anymore. The way she's presented in Billy's memories leads me to believe she has since passed away.

Billy and El are both devastated by their losses. When El tells Billy at Starcourt, “[Your mother] was pretty,” she’s trying to tell him she understands.

>>Billy and El have “adopted” sisters, Max and Kali. Max represents Billy's better nature; Kali represents El's darker nature. In the same season where Billy constantly insists Max isn't his sister - thereby rejecting her - El finds Kali and embraces her. This symbolizes Billy and El’s complementary journeys: Billy is learning to accept his light while El is learning to accept her darkness.

>>Billy and El are wounded and angry because of what’s happened to them. In S1 El worries she's a monster, and in S2 she nearly kills a man in her anger, only to stop herself at the last second (against the wishes of Kali, her darker nature). Billy lets his rage define him. He's turned into a bully over his teen years, and in S2 he nearly kills Steve. Max (his better nature) stops him.

>>Billy and El are viscerally connected to the Upside Down.

The Upside Down is pursuing El. We’re not sure why yet, but their predator/prey dynamic is the main source of conflict in the show. Brenner says to her in S1, “It [the Upside Down] is reaching out to you ‘cause it wants you. It’s calling you. So don’t turn away from it this time.” His words form the backbone of the narrative:

In S1, El opens the first Gate, introducing the Upside Down to our world and setting the events of the show in motion. At the climax, she defeats the Demogorgon, the Mind Flayer's first servant.

S2 deals with the evolving consequences of El opening the first Gate. At the climax, El closes the Gate (symbolically “turning away" from the Upside Down) and catches the Mind Flayer's attention in the process.

In S3, the Mind Flayer comes after El to kill her. She runs from him, and her friends intervene to save her.

In future seasons, the Mind Flayer will regroup and try again but to corrupt her this time, not kill her. The climax of the entire show will hinge on the resolution of their conflict. El will be forced to stop running and face the Mind Flayer head-on.

In S3, Billy is caught by the Mind Flayer and turned into his instrument to hunt El down. This creates a yin/yang situation where Billy and El are revolving around each other, with the Mind Flayer in the center pulling on them both. At Starcourt, El saves Billy's soul by bypassing the Mind Flayer completely - building “the rainbow bridge.”

If you remember that Brenner and Neil, their abusive fathers, are likened to the Mind Flayer, their interaction becomes the story of Billy re-enacting his trauma, and El helping him heal it.

2) Runaway Max gives us a special case of Billy and El mirroring each other.

In S1, one of El's biggest moments happens in episode 6. Mike and Dustin have been cornered by the bullies Troy and James. Right when all hope is lost, El shows up and breaks Troy’s arm. After that, she confesses tearfully, “The gate. I opened it. I'm the monster.” This brings forward her inner struggle - am I a monster for the things I do? - which she will no doubt revisit in future seasons.

Keep in mind that Troy is around 12 years old, and El breaks his right arm.

Jump forward to S2. At one point, Billy complains, “Yeah, we're stuck here [in Hawkins]. And whose fault is that?” - implying it's somehow Max's. She disagrees. “Yours,” she mutters under her breath.

In the show, we never get an explanation. Runaway Max tells us everything.

Back in California, Billy is spiraling deeper and deeper into a pit of rage. One fateful afternoon, he takes it out on Max and her best friend Nate, a 12-year-old boy. When Max resists him, he seizes Nate's right arm and twists it behind his back. He holds it there, watching Max.

“What are you going to do?” he asks, a crazed look in his eyes.

When she does nothing, he breaks Nate's arm.

The fallout is catastrophic. Within weeks, Neil decides they should all move away from California for the good of the family.

Now think about this. El breaks a 12-year-old boy's right arm to save her friends from bullies. Billy breaks a 12-year-old boy's right arm... because he is the bully.

It’s part of the wider pattern: El is light, Billy is darkness.

3) The Duffers use physical markers to underscore Billy and El’s similarities.

>>When the MF wrecks Billy's car, Billy's forehead smashes into the windshield, leaving a gash. At Starcourt, he slams El into the wall, giving her a wound in the same spot. Thematically, their wounds tell the story of Billy suffering abuse, then turning around and inflicting it on El. He’s perpetuating a cycle, and it’s up to him to stop it.

>>Both Billy and El are limping by the time they reach Starcourt. El's leg is injured from the Mind Flayer, while Billy injures his in the car crash. These wounds tell the story of El, the “innocent,” suffering pain through no fault of her own while Billy, the “guilty” one, is being punished for his crimes. (I put those words in quotes because I believe the show will challenge our assumptions.) 

A sad footnote: El has Max and Mike to help her walk. Billy has no one.

>>In S2, Billy gets a nosebleed out of the same nostril as El. This says a LOT, marking him as a future “superhero” and putting him in the same class as El, Kali, and El's mom Terry.

Off the top of my head, only two other characters get nosebleeds, Mayor Kline and Steve. But the blood never comes cleanly out of one nostril the way it does with El. I believe that was a purposeful design choice to avoid muddying the symbolic waters.

...

Y’all, I’ve already hit my picture limit for a single post, and I’m not even done yet :p So I’ll stop there for now. Eventually I’ll show you how El is connected to the Demogorgon in the same strange way as Billy.

You see what I mean though? There is no fuckin’ way Billy is dead for good. Why would the Duffers give him this much resonance with El, then drop him? 

It makes no sense.

If you ask me, they’ve got plans for our boy. World-altering plans. He’s not just coming back; by the end of the show, he’s gonna be a Big Goddamn Hero.

»»————-　���　————-««

Billy Is Alive - A Meta Series

[spencers-renaissance]

tell me how to balance my coins

Summary: When Spencer falls down the stairs one morning he decides not to tell anyone, his insecurities about not being enough winning out. Too bad insecurities don't matter when they end up trekking through miles of barren land on a search and rescue mission, and his injuries finally become too much. The team knows exactly how to make it better.

Tags: hurt!spencer, whump, hurt/comfort, hiding medical issues, insecurity, angst with a happy ending, fluff, team as family TW: self-esteem issues

Pairing: GEN / Spencer Reid & Derek Morgan

Word Count: 3.2k

Masterlist // Read on AO3 // Bad Things Happen Bingo

Set in S1 but there's no Gideon because he didn't really fit the plot, so it's just the five other field agents here. This entire fic was inspired by this post by @i-write-whump so credit goes to them for the premise! Title from this poem by Zahraa Surtee <3

Maybe it’s embarrassment that stops him from telling the team. Spencer runs headfirst into dangerous situations every day, puts his life on the line repeatedly and escapes unscathed more often than not, but his nemesis this time is the single flight of stairs in his apartment building he descends each morning.

He’s later than he usually is, and already feeling a little flustered from both his toaster and coffee machine breaking, leaving him with a cup of instant coffee and an overripe banana from breakfast, which only makes the situation worse. As if lying sprawled out in a public stairwell wasn’t bad enough. He gingerly pulls himself up, catching a glimpse of a “Caution: Wet Floor” sign he somehow missed, and winces as pain floods his body.

His ankle is screaming at him, throbbing and burning, and for a moment Spencer has to close his eyes against the gut-wrenching pain of a twisted ankle flaring up his calf. A couple of thankfully undisturbed minutes later, the pain eases enough for him to open his eyes and inspect the damage. It’s already swelling slightly, and he’s certain he’ll be covered in bruises by tonight if the aching of his entire body is anything to go by.

For a brief moment he considers calling Derek or Penelope or someone else on his team; maybe even calling in sick, but he quickly pushes that thought away. It’s not embarrassment that stops him from telling the team. It’s a good cover story to keep him from addressing the real reason, but it isn’t the truth.

The truth is that the only time he ever feels valuable is when he’s contributing to a case. That cruel voice in the back of his head will waste no time in piping up, telling him how worthless he is, what a burden his friends see him as, how insignificant he is to the team if he doesn’t suck it up and head into work.

Fighting back the tears burning hot behind his eyes with ardent determination, he drags himself up by the stair handrail until he’s upright. His ribs ache and his ankle burns something fierce, but he compartmentalises it, breathing deeply and taking a few tentative steps, one at a time until he’s limping towards the train station.

The moment he walks into the bullpen, JJ grabs his elbow. “You’re just in time, Spence,” she says, marching towards the briefing room with a pace Spencer can’t quite keep up with. “We have a new case. Rural Kentucky.”

Everyone’s already seated at the round table, and no matter how much he tries to disguise his limp, putting far too much weight on his battered ankle, he can’t get it past a room full of profilers.

“Hey, pretty boy, you alright? You’re limping.” Derek’s tone is light, carrying the cadence of joking banter, but he can see the concern in his eyes, and that’s just unacceptable. He can’t have people worrying about him: he’s not worth their pitied looks or vapid attempts at comfort, especially not when they have a far more important case to be focusing on.

He slips into a seat, and manages to conceal a wince at the movement of his ankle swinging forward. “Oh, uh, I just stubbed my toe pretty hard on the way in.” It’s not convincing even to his own ears, but luckily it’s enough of a time-sensitive case for JJ to barrel on regardless, drawing everyone’s worried glances away from him and towards the board full of grizzly crime scene photos.

Even though he’s been on the team for close to three years now, he still feels like the new kid. Elle is newer than him, but she’s still far more confident in her place on the team than he is. He suspects that’s probably because someone like Elle doesn’t have trouble fitting in anywhere. It’s never been quite that easy for Spencer.

Pushing his insecurities aside like he always has to do in these meetings, he reads the case file thoroughly before offering his own contributions. The unsub is snatching young women from bars and clubs and holding them for weeks before leaving them to succumb to the elements in the rural countryside of Kentucky. With a missing woman and the expected deadline for the unsub dumping her fast approaching, they don’t waste any time in boarding the jet and flying the short way to West Kentucky.

It’s a short enough flight that there’s no time for personal conversation — no time for Derek (or anyone else for that matter) to confront him about his blatant lie and obvious injury — since they spend the whole journey discussing the case. Thankfully, throwing himself head first into theories and hypotheses keeps his mind off the pain a bit, but he can’t fully keep it from bothering him.

He’s just thankful that he has enough experience in disguising his true emotions that no-one’s attention is drawn to him by poorly hidden winces.

They dive straight into the investigation when they arrive at the sheriff’s station, everyone laser focused on finding Marissa Williams. By mid-afternoon, though, Spencer’s gritting his teeth as he forces himself to persevere through the pain despite it increasing incrementally every hour, and he curses himself for not being able to dedicate 100% of himself to the case. If he can’t help everyone find this woman, then what is he good for? His stomach twists at the thought.

“You gonna tell me what’s really going on, Spence?” Derek asks him as it approaches 4pm, cornering him at the coffee machine.

Spencer looks around as subtly as he can for an escape, but he quickly succumbs to his fate. “I’m fine, Derek,” he promises. It’s so far from the truth he wants to cry.

The concern in Derek’s eyes only intensifies at that. “Seriously? You’ve been quiet this whole case, I catch you wincing when you think no-one’s looking, and you’re still limping. A stubbed toe wouldn’t do that, kid, and you know it.”

He sighs, knowing the jig is up. “It’s nothing I can’t handle, Derek.” He’s not sure it’s the truth, but it’s close enough to it that it doesn’t bring burning tears to the backs of his eyes.

Derek’s about to say something when JJ calls out for him. They both turn to look at her, Spencer feeling relief flood his chest, while Derek’s expression quickly morphs into one of frustration, sighing heavily as he curls his hands into tight fists.

“This isn’t over,” he says, levelling him with a serious look before walking back over to JJ, leaving Spencer to stir his bitter coffee in peace. It definitely doesn’t make him want to cry.

They finally get a break in the case at nightfall, a call on the tip line combined with their profile leading them to a secluded wooded area down by a small river. Knowing there’s nothing more for them to do at the office, Hotch gathers them all up, insisting they join the search party to find the poor, beaten woman currently suffering exposure, awaiting their rescue.

Spencer’s heart sinks as everyone gathers their equipment, and he’s almost relieved when Derek speaks up.

“Reid can’t go,” he insists to Hotch, only barely in earshot of Spencer. If he doesn’t go out in the rescue party, then he’s still served his purpose hasn’t he? He helped with the profile that narrowed down the area she’s likely to be in, he worked the case until this point, he can rest and still be worth something. Right?

Besides, it’s not exactly like he can don the heavy walking boots everyone else is pulling on. If he goes out, he’ll have to wear the same loafers that have been squeezing his swelling joint all day, and that’s hardly going to work. Hotch will let him stay back, and for once, he’ll accept the rest he’s offered.

His hope is quickly dashed. “We need all the manpower we can get,” Hotch says, clearly distracted in the same way he has been throughout the entire case. Spencer likes his boss but he has a tendency to wear blinkers when on a job, not noticing anything that doesn’t pertain to the ultimate solution. “He’ll be fine.”

Derek sighs again, clearly frustrated.

“I’ll be fine,” he says as Derek comes over to sit with him, not sure who he’s trying to convince. His ankle is still burning in pain. The last time he checked it, it was bruised and swollen, tender to the touch. It’s nothing short of a nasty sprain.

“You stick close to me, Spencer. I mean it.”

He can’t help the small smile that crosses his face, genuine happiness warming his heart at the concerned protectiveness of his friend. “Sure, Derek,” he says softly.

The pleasant temperature of the mid-Spring day drops to almost freezing as the sun sets, the moon and stars taking over the clear night sky. Even Spencer’s thickest coat isn’t enough to keep him from practically vibrating with the force of his shivers as they trek across the miles of terrain, staying as quiet as possible to listen for anything that could indicate their victim’s whereabouts. They’re spread out a little, but for the most part they all walk reasonably close together, the beams of their torches criss-crossing as they fight their way through the windy countryside.

Thankfully, it’s only a couple of hours into the search and rescue mission that a call crackles over the radio, telling them that Marissa had been found, beaten and weak but alive. Spencer can’t even bring himself to feel any kind of victory or relief, nothing being able to penetrate the haze of pain he’s in. Everyone else chatters happily enough as they converge back together for his silence to go mostly unnoticed.

His obscurity doesn’t last long, though.

“Are you ever gonna tell us what happened to your foot, Spence?” JJ asks, raising an eyebrow at Spencer’s heavy limping and Derek’s worried hovering. By the second mile of their walk, Spencer had given up trying to hide the limp, instead focusing on gritting his teeth and breathing through the pain as it flares up his leg.

She’s clearly voicing what everyone else is thinking, judging by their worried expressions. Part of him wants to give in and tell the team, but the part that wants to continue to hide his embarrassment away, the part riddled with fear and insecurity wins out. He stubbornly shakes his head, closing his eyes tightly. In the kind of terrible timing so emblematic of the life of Spencer Reid, in the short second he has his eyes closed he manages to stumble into a small divot in the ground, and he trips, twisting his ankle all over again as he falls down.

His vision whites out, the pain suddenly all-consuming, punching nausea through his stomach and he can’t help the cry he lets escape as he lays helplessly in the grass.

“Spencer!”

Derek crouches next to him, laying a hand on his shoulder as he checks him over frantically, and Spencer can’t help but lean up into it, craving the kind of comfort he can only get from his best friend. Hotch joins them quickly as JJ and Elle stand close enough to offer support without crowding him.

“That’s it, Spencer,” Hotch says firmly, blinkers well and truly off by now, “you need to tell us what’s going on.”

As the blinding pain slowly fades into something minutely more bearable, Spencer forces his eyes open to face the team. “I fell down the stairs this morning,” he finally admits, sullen and teary. “Pretty sure I sprained my ankle.”

Hotch wastes no time in gently rolling his trouser leg up, exposing his ruined loafers and the bruised, swollen joint to the torches of his teammates. Derek audibly winces as he positions himself behind Spencer, supporting his back as his tired, aching body starts to collapse.

Hotch levels him with a stern glare after he finishes his tender inspection of his ankle. “Spencer, it was incredibly irresponsible to hide something like this. You not only put yourself in danger, but you put the rest of the team at risk, too—”

He doesn’t get any further in his lecture before the tears he’s been holding back all day, finally spill over and a dry, sudden sob, his bruised and aching rib cage heaving as he starts to unravel at the seams. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

Softening immediately, Hotch puts his leg down gently and shuffles closer, taking Spencer’s hand in his. “Hey, it’s okay, I’m sorry for yelling,” he says soothingly, watching as Spencer presses closer into Derek’s hold. “You’re not in trouble, I’m just worried about you, Spencer. Why didn’t you tell us you were hurt?”

He squeezes his eyes closed again: it’s as much dignity as he can hope for when his face is crumpling and he’s sobbing on the cold, hard ground as it nears midnight. “I just… I just wanted to be worth something.” It’s an admission he’ll regret later, he already knows that, but he’s so so tired and all he wants is the comfort that only his team can provide.

Derek pulls him into an even tighter hug before anyone can react, holding him against his chest fiercely while his hand plays gently with his hair. “Spencer, you are worth something whether you’re injured or fully intact, you hear me? We’d love you with a broken leg, with a bad case of the flu, if you quit the team tomorrow and decided to never work again. But most importantly, we love you now, kid. No matter what. Nothing can change that, alright?”

“He’s right, Spence,” JJ says softly, sinking to the ground along with Elle. “I know you think we only tolerate you because of your brain and what you bring to the table on a case, but you’re so much more than that. We love your nerdy rambles and your awkward waves and the way you love so openly and protectively, no matter how many times you’ve been hurt before. We love everything about you, Spencer.”

“Yeah, if you’re hurt, Reid, we wanna know,” Elle chimes in, sounding a little hesitant as the one who’s known him the shortest amount of time, but firm in what she’s saying nonetheless. “I know I haven’t been on the team that long but this is a group of people that watches out for one another, that supports each other, that builds everyone up leaving no person behind. That includes you, Spencer Reid, even when you don’t feel like it.”

“Everyone is right, Spencer,” Hotch says softly, still holding his cold and shaking hand protectively in his gloved one. “I’m just sad that you still prioritise your work over your own health. You are not this job. You are an incredibly talented and multi-faceted person that oftentimes needs a little TLC, and until you’re willing and able to do that for yourself, we’ll be here to do it for you, okay?”

Tears are streaming down his face as he nods, feeling warmer than he has all day despite the cold dark night they’ve found themselves in. The strangest part about it all is that he’s actually starting to believe them. It’s not like they haven’t all said similar things before, but hearing them all vehemently corroborating each other’s stories, hearing it all laid out in front of him as they promise him with earnest expressions that they’re telling the truth is doing something to shift the leaden weight of insecurity and low self-esteem that presses on his chest each and every day.

“Now, come on,” Derek says. “Let’s get back to base and I’ll go with you to the hospital to get you checked out, make sure it’s nothing more than a sprain.”

He shifts behind Spencer, using his already firm hold on his waist to help gently pull him up to a standing position, taking most of his weight as Spencer whimpers at the pain that swiftly reignites at the movement.

Derek turns around and bends at the knees slightly as Spencer leans on Hotch, before looking over his shoulder, his signature grin returning. “Hop on, pretty boy.”

“What— Derek! I’m way too heavy!”

Everyone immediately breaks out in amused laughter, even Hotch chuckling fondly.

Derek rolls his eyes. “Come on, Spencer, you’ve gotta weigh what, like, 140lbs? 150? You can’t exactly walk on that ankle anymore and it’s the only way we’re getting back without calling for a search and rescue team of our own.”

“Reid, I’m pretty sure I could give you a piggy-back ride,” Elle points out, raising her eyebrows. “Just let him carry you back.”

Let us take care of you is implicit enough in everyone’s words and expressions that it doesn’t really need to be said, but Spencer hears it anyway.

Hotch helps him up onto Derek’s back and they begin the long trek towards the search and rescue base, and Spencer’s never appreciated the easy banter they all share more. Hotch is visibly relaxed with the case solved and his youngest team member soon to be taken care of, so he joins in with the conversation, his light and happy expression that he only ever wears around his family or the team on rare days and nights off, replacing his focused frown.

Spencer clings on tightly to Derek and presses his face into the space between his neck and his shoulder, closing his eyes as he listens to the conversation, the vibration of Derek’s laugh and the shameless flirting between Elle and JJ taking his mind off the pain that throbs in his ankle with each step Derek takes.

When they finally get back to base, they all gather round the ambulance that’s been designated to take Spencer and Derek to the hospital.

JJ steps forward to give him a hug first. “Love you, Spence. Let us know what they say, okay?”

Hotch surprises him by stepping forward and wrapping him in a hug as well, forgoing the macho pats on the back for a short but close embrace that feels fatherly enough for tears to prick the back of Spencer’s eyes. “We all love you, Spencer. Remember that okay. And actually listen to what the doctors tell you. Morgan, you’re my eyes and ears.”

“Well now I want a hug, too,” Elle says dramatically, squeezing him in a tight embrace for just a moment before stepping back, lining up with JJ and Hotch to present a united front of people on his side.

“We’ll see you both in the morning,” Hotch says as the paramedic starts prepping for the journey, moving Spencer onto the gurney and rolling him in.

“Hope they don’t keep you too long!” JJ calls just as the doors close, making them both chuckle.

Derek takes his hand in both of his, staying out of the paramedic’s way as she quickly places a line of mild painkillers before sitting back, knowing that there’s not anything more she can do for Spencer until they get to the hospital.

Derek must see the anxious look on Spencer’s face, because he’s quick to reach a hand out and brush his cheek gently. “Hey, I’ll be with you the whole time. I’m not gonna leave you on your own, okay? You’ll be alright, pretty boy, you’re gonna be just fine. I promise.”

And on the flight home the next morning he realises that Derek’s promise was kept. He’s fitted out with a crutch and a temporary wrapping around his ankle, resting comfortably with his head in Derek’s lap while his foot sits elevated on a pile of cushions carefully built by JJ, surrounded by people who swear up and down that they love him while proving it to him in a thousand little ways, and he’s really not sure it gets any more alright than that.

taglist: @criminalmindsvibez @suburban--gothic @strippersenseii @takeyourleap-of-faith @negativefouriq @makaylajadewrites @iamrenstark @hotchseyebrows @temily @jellejareau @reidology @spencerspecifics @bau-gremlin @tobias-hankel @garcias-bitch @oliverbrnch @physics-magic @sbeno22 @im-autistic-not-stupid (taglist form)

[kaypeace21]

Stranger things is about mental health & trauma- deal with it!

I’ve seen a lot of people claim anyone who mentioned this topic immediately be gaslit and told they’re “just crazy” and “rudely projecting their own issues on to the characters.’ Like- no you don’t have to believe my  Will DID/Lonnie theory ( I could be wrong). But to claim one of the show’s central themes isn’t about mental health/trauma (screams either complete lack of lit comprehension or denial cause you have your own negative biases towards such people). So let’s just go into what’s literal text-not subtext/symbolism. Just the super blatant stuff.  RIGHT IN THE SHOW!

S1

-We have El when she first appears on screen  asked by Benny if her parents starved and hurt her and if that’s why she ran away. Benny then calls CPS to say El “may have been ab*sed or something.” After this Lucas says there is “seriously something wrong with her-wrong in the head. She’s probably from the NUT-HOUSE in curly county.penthurst” We also see El  cannonically has PTSD-all of s1 she’ll see something benign (a cat, a coke commercial, a closet) and is triggered to see a traumatic flashback. That’s literally ptsd.  There’s also hints throughout the seasons she’s developmentally behind in both language, telling time etc (neglect like El’s irl can cause an intellectual disability-analysis on El/that subject here).The real pethurst in pensylvannia (not the one in stranger things/ Curly county)  closed in 1986-  it was a facility for people and mostly  kids with intellectual disabilities (it wasn’t technically a psych facility like the one in st)-but it was infamous for it’s abuse of these intellectually disabled patients kept there. We also have Brenner be a ab*sive psychiatrist.

- Hopper after suffering from the loss of his daughter. Is popping pills like candy, drinking and smoking constantly. He later says he used to hallucinate and forgot what was real -seeing and hearing sarah and says if he didn’t confront the pain he’d “fall down a black hole he couldn’t get out of.” NO... subtext here about what the void represents nope.

- Both mothers (Terry & Joyce) are dismissed as being mentally ill and simply grieving the loss of their kids . But both end up being right about the supernatural.

- “Terry pretends Jane is real. i mean it’s all make believe. you know the doctors all say it’s a coping mechanism.”

- While with Joyce the whole town pre s1 already questioned her mental health. Jonathan says “She used to have anxiety problems (pre s1).” And Jonathan, Hopper, and Lonnie all assume she’s hallucinating: talking to Will via lights, seeing a man without a face, saying Will’s body is fake -due to grief. Plus Lonnie mentions the fact Joyce’s aunt Darlene also used to hallucinate as a possible reason  (terry’s aunt also had mental health issues mentioned in s2 by Becky). Lonnie even says everything Joyce is seeing  is “all in her head.”  Hopper and Jon both say she needs to sleep and accept reality and Lonnie says she needs to see a “shrink”.  Hopper “i’m not saying that you’re crazy”. Joyce : “no, you are.” Joyce also says to Lonnie “Stop looking at me like that... like everyone else like i’m out of my damn mind.” Hopper also says about Joyce she’s “on the edge”. Callahan says in response , “she’s been on the edge for a while now” (referring to her mental health- even before Will’s dissappearance)”. While Lonnie says Jonathan is “feeding into her hallucinations ... you’re going to push her right over the edge.” In s2 Hopper says “ I think everyone is on edge- you, me, Will most of all. (when talking about Will’s ptsd/trauma)” 

- in s1 They claim Will just “fell” over the edge of the quarry’s cliff. Later the only other queer coded character (Mike) jumps off the quarry cliff (where Will’s body was found) cause the homophobic troy forced him too jump. Troy even says earlier dead-Will is “flying with all the other fairies all happy and gay” (to Mike). And Troy says to Hopper El made Mike “fly” after jumping off the cliff. Friendship saved him from jumping off the edge metaphorically ( and he’ll prob eventually be happy and gay too).

s2/3

-Will is seeing a therapist . And we are told he has ptsd and will experience the anniversary effect, personality changes,nightmares, having episodes, etc. And things “will get worse before they get better”.  Mike also asks if what Will is seeing is “real or like the doctors say all in your head?” And Will continues to see hallucinations of the mf/upsidedown that only he can see initially.

-Hopper also agrees with owens mentioning how he knew guys with ptsd . joyce : “it’s not like he’s describing a nightmare. He talks about them like they’re real.” Hopper: “Yeah, because they’re not nightmares they’re flashbacks.I think he’s right about trauma.I think everyone is on edge (bringing that s1 ref back), Me you, Will, most of all.Nothing’s gonna go back to the way that it was. But it’ll get better.In time.”

-Nancy suffers from survivor’s guilt and drunkingly says she killed Barb. Jonathan says like Nancy he has “a weight that you that carry all the time . i feel it too.” (cough depression). He also says he tries to be there for Will but says about Will “he’s not the same. maybe things can’t go back to the way they were. (mirroring Hopper’s words earlier that season)”

-Jonathan said in s1 Joyce had “anxiety issues” than Nancy says in s3 “you really are your mother’s son... you worry too much.” Then we see him look worried after the comment.

- in s2, Axel & a scientist both call El and Will “schizos” because of their powers. In s3 mrs driscoll isn’t believed about the supernatural cause she’s schizophrenic-but like Joyce/Terry was right.

- Kali saves a woman named Dottie (a british slang term for crazy)  from a mental hospital and then compares herself and El to dottie. saying her non-powered gang is “Like us ...outsiders... society discarded them.”  In graphitti we even see the title “obedlam” a british poem about discarding the mentally ill and leaving them homeless.  El before this sees a mentally ill man screaming “we’re all dead!” Kali’s friend says to El, after this encounter they were “dead all of us” until kali “saved them here” (points to head) “and here” (points to heart). Pointing to the theme of love and friendship helping those with such issues. Similar to the cliff analogy.

-The cycle of ab*se. Max in s2 says she’s afraid of becoming like Billy (her ab*ser). We see Billy mimic his ab*ser neil and inflict pain on max. In s3 we see the roots of his behavior are linked to mimicking Neil- Neil in a flashback says  about baseball “what are you scared?”  “ did i raise a p*ssy for a son”. So young Billy later in a fight says to a boy “ what are you scared to fight me? fight me p*ssy. (as he beats the boy)” Deflecting his anger of his father on to someone else. In s3, We see as a kid he used to say to Neil “don’t hurt her” (his mom)-specifically after  Neil backhand slaps her -but we later see possessed Billy backhand slap Max (just like neil).  The resentment to his mother leaving - festered into how he views women and max negatively . And his attraction to mrs wheeler prob is linked to him subconsciously missing his mother. Max in s2 even says  he can’t take it out on her mother so he does so to her instead (we even have Billy hallucinate hurting mrs wheeler).We see in s2 the cycle of abuse is there- Billy mimics Neil, and then Max mimics Billy. Billy harrasses Max and yells “SAY IT!” (mimicking Neil).  Max like Billy later  yells “SAY IT” and uses a bat /violence to stand up for herself against Billy- which earlier she said she was trying to combat … explaining she can be angry like Billy sometimes but she never wants to be like him (her nickname symbolizing this: aka ‘mad max’).  Billy’s last dying words were an apology to Max- for becoming her neil. And we hopefully will see Max break this cycle.

- Will says his now memories (that he describes like dreams) are “growing “, “spreading “,and “killing”. While Kali says they need to face their father and (as Brenner) says El has to confront her “wound” or else it’ll “grow”, “spread” and “eventually it’ll kill her.” Kali says she used to be like El . She used to bottle her pain away and it “spread.” But she then says  “I confronted my pain and I finally began to heal (from those wounds).” We also see with jonathan and nancy when describing “shared trauma” zoom in onto the scars on their hands. The wound heeled into a scar so to speak.

S2 & 3 ENDINGS

both have Hopper do a speech that delves into dealing with trauma/depression but still finding good along the way.

-s2 Hopper outside the snowball: “how are you holding up? Yeah, that feeling never goes away. It is true what they say, you know. Everyday it does get easier.”

-s3 Hopper monolouge : “ Feelings jesus. For so long, i’d forgotten what those even were. I’ve been stuck in one place,in a cave you might say , a deep dark cave (cough s2 supernatural cave). For the first time in a long time, i started to feel things again. I started to feel happy. Life... yeah sometimes it’s painful .sometimes it’s sad, and sometimes it’s suprising... happy.. And when life hurts you, because it will .remember the hurt . The hurt is good. It means you’re out of that cave.”

BUT YES- St has nothing to do with mental health/trauma, we’re just “crazy” and “projecting”. It’s not like some of ya’ll  act pompous when you just have a bias and get pissy at the idea of relating to characters you “other” as “crazy” or “damaged” irl or anything (so attack people for pointing it out). Or (benefit of the doubt) you are just like.... oblivious... or just a kid who doesn’t know better XD

[oathofoaksart]

YOUNG JUSTICE OC: KITSUNE 

bio under the cut!

BASICS Name: Leiko Ara A.K.A: Kitsune; Lei, Kit, L.A [only by Charlie] Age: 16 [S1 Era], 21 [S2 Era] Gender: Cisgender Female Orientation: Grayromantic Bisexual

Skin: Fair Hair: Plum-Black Eyes: Black, fully golden and slit-pupiled as Kitsune Height: 5'6”, 6’1” in platforms Build: Lithe, built like a dancer Distinctions: Distinctly pretty. Sharpened canines and nails. A sharp dresser, obviously wealthy, rarely seen without some type of heel.

RELATIONS Parents: Ryuu Ara and Cho Miyamotou [estranged] Siblings: N/A Friends: Wally “Kid Flash” West, Zatanna Zatara, M’gann “Miss Martian” M’orzz, Raquel “Rocket” Irving, Kaldur’ahm “Aqualad”, Dick “Robin” Grayson, Conner “Superboy” Kent, Artemis Crock, Haley Overbea [OC] Partner/s: Wally “Kid Flash/Flash III” West (ev. post-S3) Misc.: Charles “Scribe” Jenson [OC], Penelope “Poppet” Caskett [@PoltergeistPrincessa] Affiliations: The Spiral, The Team

PERSONALITY Personality Type: ENTP-A [Assertive Debater] Temperament: Choleric-Sanguine Alignment: Chaotic Good Clever | Self-Assured | Driven | Arrogant | Spiteful

Aristocratic in both upbringing and nature, Leiko likes to carry herself with regality. Her confidence and well-honed charm makes her a popular figure among her school peers, even though she keeps everyone at a cool arm's length. Her social aloofness leaves her with little to no close friends, which she figures is just as well, since she finds friends to be a waste of time.

Around others in the heroic scene, Leiko allows herself to show off. She’s known for her theatrical and flamboyant attitude, topped with a haughtiness she cares little to subdue. She’s assertive, witty, and adores a challenge. She lets this completely unfurl as the vain and dramatic Kitsune, who views the world as her stage and anyone watching her audience.

Leiko struggles with unlearning a deep-seated cynicism against others and is often skeptical of actions claimed to be done out of good will, which clashes with the ethics of heroism. Her grasp on empathy leaves much to be desired as well; she can be condescending, sharp, and impatient when the situation calls for exactly the opposite.

Still, steadily Leiko finds herself learning humility, trust, and care from her teammates, along the way forming friendships no Swiss bank account could buy.

ABILITIES AND WEAKNESSES

Powers and Abilities:

Physiology:

Lei doesn’t possess a human soul, but of that of her namesake, a kitsune. Her “soul” is instead a Hoshi no Tama, usually referred to as her soul bead. It is a fist-sized pearl that resides within her body. This is the source of her magic as well as her heightened physical attributes.

Enhanced Senses: Lei demonstrates fox-like senses. She sees just as well at night as she does during the day, hears better than a normal human, and has a better sense of smell. This doubles in the supernatural side, she can see, hear, and smell beyond the mortal plane. 

Enhanced Physiology: Lei exhibits above-average speed, strength, endurance and rarely if ever comes down with diseases, viruses and the like.

Onmyodo: A traditional Japanese occultism

Illusion Magic: Lei’s strongest suit is her hold over illusion spells. Using a variety of paper charms, mirrors, physical cues, written and verbal spells, she's able to create confusion over her opponent. These illusions range from visual to audial, making it difficult to rely on one's own senses. Her illusions are often grandiose, jarringly colorful, with nods to the overall aesthetic influence of traditional Japanese art forms. In turn makes her relatively immune to similar tactics.  

Barriers: Can alternately use barriers as a sort of defense or a barring mechanism. Barriers set up by paper charms are stronger and more durable than barriers set by simple verbal spells, however combining both techniques grants the best results.

Pyrokinesis: Lei’s kitsunebi is a mystic fire she can conjure in the form of pillars and spheres. Notably different to “mortal” flame, as it burns exclusively supernatural/otherworldly beings, but brings the sensation of weakness and illness to the human body.

Weapons and Inventory:

Enchanted Parasol:

Kit’s go-to weapon. By reaching over her shoulder, the same way one would unsheath a sword, her oil paper parasol materializes into her hand in a burst of flame. It serves both as a defensive and offensive tool.

Closed: While in her hands it doesn’t appear to weigh any more than a regular parasol, in combat it carries an inexplicable weight, able to break concrete. She uses it as a melee weapon, much like a bat or a club. Kit also uses it as a makeshift wand/staff, for bigger and more complex spells. And a favorite stun tactic of hers is to mimic pumping the action to a shotgun, aiming her parasol and “firing” it. It creates a momentary illusion of being “shot” to whomever her target may have been. 

Open: Popping it open creates a quick-time personal shield, able to deflect various attacks and withstand a fair amount of explosive power. Ducking behind it obscures her from her opponent and she uses this window of time to work up a spell. Spinning the canopy of her parasol causes momentary dizziness. When jumping off of highland, the parasol allows Kit to glide for long distances (the amount of time and smoothness of the glide suffers when another person is in tow).

Ofuda: These paper charms can be used as delayed “bombs” affected by sticking them into walls, either simply timed or activated by touch. They also serve for warding spells. Gohei: A summoned short wand with a decorative paper trail, the length of the trail stretches during use. Lei uses it as a sort of weaponized gymnast ribbon, or a whip. Most effective against intaginable objects or enemies. Balance Charm: With Scribe's help and after many mishaps, Kit wears a beaded charm around her ankle which enables her limited enhanced movement. She appears to glide along, unweighted, making her movements seem feather light. It helps slow or cushion short distance falls and balance on unprobable surfaces. May also explain how she manages to fight in heels. Spellbook: Kit carries a small notebook with variant spells written herself for safe-keeping and for a quick reference check. Mirrors: Kit holds a small, two-faced mirror. The mirror serves to see through glamour illusions or create more intricate illusions of her own; more often than not, she uses it to admire a makeup job well done. Purification Salt: Ghosts in particular are vulnerable to salt, circles of it makes areas inaccessible to them. Calligraphy Set: A horse-hair brush, inkwell and a small stash of paper for written spells

Limitations and Weaknesses:

Water and Aquatic Environments: As host of a fire kitsune, Kitsune’s main and biggest weakness is water. Being around areas with large amounts of water dampens the potency of her magic, being doused in it cuts off completely until she dries off. While her parasol helps repel rain and small splashes, it can only do so much. The water effect includes any type, Lei incapacitaed by things such as baths and showers as well until she properly dries herself off.

Cynophobia: Lei’s “unprompted” fear of dogs, or really any sort of canine that aren’t foxes, can be traced back to Japanese folklore. Dogs were considered enemies of foxes, being used to hunt them down. People accused of being possessed by, or being kitsune, were sometimes forced to be licked head to toe by dogs in order to expel the demon to it’s true form. Dogs make Lei largely uncomfortable at best, aggressive dogs will either send her into a state of frozen terror or at worst, unabashed panic.

HISTORY [TRIGGER WARNING: SEXUAL HARASSMENT]

The only child of Ryuu Ara, a successful luxury hotel chain owner and president, Leiko grew up with the world served to her on a silver platter. She enrolled in the best schools, excelling in academics, popularity, and was starting to make headway as a teen model. Leiko formed into a pretty, precocious, if pretentious, girl.

At age 14, after wrapping up a student council meeting afterschool, the student body president forced her into a corner when she’d turned him down for a date. The boy grew increasingly aggressive, but was stopped from going beyond grasping at her blazer when a brilliant white flame unfurled from Leiko’s hands. She fled the second she found an opening, calling for help until she caught the attention of school security. The boy was found unconscious, but physically unharmed. (She would later find out, he complained of sudden illness and a downslide of rotten luck, with little to no memory on how he’d been knocked cold.)

Ryuu spared no expense on making sure justice was properly handed out, although that was simple when compared to the news Leiko gave him about her new ability to conjure flame. But he’d taken the revelation far easier than Leiko thought he would. Ryuu admitted it was something he’d been somewhat expecting, even dreading.

Leiko’s mother was something of a taboo subject. Outside of knowing her name was Cho (Ryuu never mentioned her maiden name) and that there had been an ugly divorce shortly after Leiko was born, she didn’t know much else. Even then, her father didn’t go into specifics beyond blaming Cho for Leiko’s newly discovered “peculiarity.” Ryuu ultimately decided it was best for Leiko to pretend she hadn’t discovered it. She had a bright future ahead of her as his heir and it wouldn’t be marred by her mother’s blood. Leiko obeyed despite her protests. They’d both come to realize, however, fire was just the beginning.

Over the following weeks, more abilities came to emerge, from heightened senses to supernatural awareness. She struggled under the pressure of maintaining the semblance of being normal. The weight of stress and desperation finally proved too much for Leiko, leading to a discussion gone sour, ending only when she noticed Ryuu backing away from the looming shadow of a four-tailed fox she cast on the wall. She would miss the following days of school when her eyes refused to revert back from their completely golden, slit-pupiled appearance.

Resigned, Ryuu took to looking into someone who could help Leiko with her magic troubles as this was beyond his reach.

That someone came to be a man by the name Scribe, a semi-public mystic who operated within New York. Scribe’s interest piqued at the mention of Leiko’s transformation and to the Ara’s slight relief, Scribe proved himself to be a sorcerer of true magic instead of a con-man looking for a quick buck. He’d confirmed their suspicions of Leiko being tied to the kitsune, fox spirits of Japanese lore, although he admitted he had little to no experience with said creatures.

Scribe refused to leave Leiko to sort things out on her own, however, and offered her a proposition. Scribe’s lifelong work dealt with a massive, mystical library he dubbed the Spiral, which housed knowledge from across space and time. Despite his years slaving away at discovering and archiving its secrets, progress was going at a crawl. He’d take Leiko under his wing, giving her access to whatever she could get her hands on and import what they couldn’t find from his various connections. In return, she’d take up being his personal assistant. Ryuu had been reluctant to let Leiko have a hands on approach and had made his dislike for Scribe apparent, but relented.

The world of magic was a far cry from the straight-laced, business-oriented life Leiko had grown in; it both terrified and fascinated her. Scribe, real name: Charles Mordichai Jenson (Charlie for short), proved to be an eccentric, but well-meaning guide where he could. As the two dove into research, Leiko let loose a sense of freedom and expression she stifled to fit her father’s expectations. Charlie was quick to help enable this. They were polar opposites in many ways, but Charlie saw a passion and potential in Leiko that mirrored his own at her age, and he fully intended to see it shine. It wasn’t long before Leiko wasn’t just checking inventory and jotting notes for both The Spiral and Jenson’s Comics (Charlie’s civilian pop culture store), but followed him out on relic retrievals and even the occasional “mystic field trip”. Charlie had been adamant on one thing when she stepped out of the safety of The Spiral however, much as he’d taken Scribe as his mantle, Leiko would have to make one of her own for the sake of her identity. It wasn’t a hard choice for her as it was practically staring her in the face, Kitsune took life. Over the next two years, Kitsune proved herself to be a capable magician despite being self-taught. Juggling her home, school and magic life was busy, but thrilling. Perhaps a little too thrilling. During an outing, Scribe and Kitsune were ambushed by a sorcerer named Felix Faust, who ultimately took Scribe prisoner. Well-aware of just how over her head she was, Kitsune went on a one-girl rescue mission to save her mentor anyway and was beyond relieved to find a young group of supers on the same trail.

The group, known simply as “The Team”, had been alerted of Scribe’s abduction through their resident mystic, Zatanna. Scribe had managed to send a distress signal before all communication cut off. Shoving down the twinge of jealousy that came with that revelation and of being out of the loop, Kitsune allied herself with the Team until Scribe was rescued. She was offered a permanent position on the Team, which she said she’d think over even though she had no interest in becoming a hero. She was more persuaded by the opposition placed by Scribe and the oddly genuine endearment shown by the Team’s speedster, Kid Flash.

Less than a few days later, an argument between Leiko and Charlie sparked by his confession of thinking she wasn’t right for the Team just yet sent her right to them out of spite.

Now taking a crash course in heroics, Kitsune tackles supercrime, training, self-reflection, team building and the frustrating, but integral importance of friendship.

NOTES

Kit has alternate versions of her Kitsune outfit and will switch between them mid-battle, either because she wasn’t feeling the one she was wearing, it got dirty, or a specific attack called for a wardrobe change

Because Lei’s brand of Onmyodo is largely “home-brew” given she’s self-taught, she incorporates other types of magic and styles to compensate 

Lei has the passive ability of being ridiculously lucky, she never loses games of chance such as coin flips and dice rolls

The nickname ‘Lei’ was originally coined by Wally West and it’s a nickname she only allows within the perimeter of the Cave

Lei is proud of her musical skill, it’s not uncommon to hear her singing to herself and will shred an electric guitar when given the chance

She has a pet Bearded Dragon named Prince. Prince was a at-Death’s-door rescue surrendered to Charlie, who gave him to her after she helped nurse Prince back to health and she wound up attached to him

Lei’s father is unaware she’s taken up heroism, as far as Ryuu knows, she’s studying under Charlie to get her curiosity of magic out of her system

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

Top 5 Reasons Lee was the Best

Lee Everett is one of my favorite playable protagonists in any game I’ve played. Weirdly enough, I feel like he is somehow super loved yet under appreciated?? because sure, everyone says that they love Lee and talk about how he was just the best but like.... most times, they rarely go into details of why they love him and think he’s the best. 

Well, with today’s list, I wanna go into details about why I think Lee was the best. I tried to stick to more non-determinant things, but plenty slipped through, soo... it’s fine. I just wanna talk about Lee and why I like him so much.  

Also just wanna say thanks to @pi-creates​ for helping me out with these Top 5′s once again! We discussed a lot of these points and it was a huge help! :D

5. Lee is just... so funny sometimes. 

Not gonna spend too much time on this one because it’s more of a minor reason why I think he’s the best compared to the others but...

Lee is hilarious.

Like, even from the beginning, Lee knows how to make me laugh with his little “I’d fill that teacup with some bourbon if I could” line, and the fact that he is constantly falling down. The poor guy has to have at least three concussions by the end of ep1 alone. 

Also, his flirting skills...? Amazing. I’ll never get over, “You’re small.” 

He just has such a strange sense of humor about him that feels very dad-like... which makes perfect sense, but y’know. But even when he isn’t even trying, he still manages to get a laugh outta me for being such a weirdo.

Who goes up to a fence, looks at it, and is just like, “Hmmmm. Pointy.” 

Even after he’s bit, he manages to get a few painful laughs outta me when talking with Ben... though that laughter quickly dies when we reach then end of ep5 but..... y’know. 

4. His willingness to help those who have wronged him. 

Larry is a garbage man-- I think the mass majority of us would agree to that. From the moment we meet him, he’s all huffy and puffy, accusing Duck of being bitten and wanting to throw him out while taunting Kenny. 

But, no matter what, Lee is always the one to help Lilly break into the pharmacy to get Larry his medication. Because really, Lee could’ve said “Nope, not doin’ any of this, someone else help the asshole,” but he doesn’t. 

This is just a bigger example of Lee going out of his way to help people, even if they shitheads like Larry. Hell, even after Lee gets them the pills, Larry gives him a big thank you by punching him in the face and leaving him for death. Lee can hold a grudge about this, or he can let it go and do his best to get along with Larry for the better of the group. 

Another example with trying to help Larry despite him being the worst is, of course-- the meat locker. Now, this is determinant, but I feel bringing it up is important. 

Lee choosing to help Larry, even though Larry was just taunting him minutes before and Kenny’s being a real shitbird, says a lot about him as a person. 

Another example of Lee willing to help others he may not get along with would be Kenny, depending on your choices. When Kenny’s going through the hardest day of his life, Lee can take it upon himself to take care of Duck and comfort Kenny. 

Shit, what about Lilly? After she kills Carley/Doug right in front of everyone, he can still take pity on her and not leave her at the side of the road. 

I think because I have a really hard time helping those who have wronged me, I can look at this as an admirable trait that I wish came easier to me, y’know? 

3. Mourning the deaths of people he barely knew/didn’t know at all. 

This is an interesting one that Pi brought up, but there are several points within S1 where Lee will take small moments to mourn the deaths of those he either barely knew, or didn’t know at all, showing he has it in him to be really empathetic to other people's struggles and sufferings. 

Like, think about the woman at the motor-inn, the one you can give the gun to. Lee will stay behind no matter what to be with her, and you can see it on his face. He didn’t know her, didn’t get her name or anything. 

In Jolene’s camp in ep2, when Lee looks into the tent, he can find a stuffed animal and a picture of Jolene and her daughter and again, you can see it all on his face. He gives a sigh, and a moment of silence for them. 

Oh, the woman that Kenny wants to leave alone while they’re on a run to the drug store? This one is determinant, but if Lee chooses to shoot her, he does so to put her out of her misery-- he doesn’t want her to suffer anymore than she has to just so that they can grab an extra candy bar or two. 

Another big one would be the boy in the attic. Y’know, that chilling scene of the boy who starved to death/died of dehydration, became a walker, and then couldn’t even walk because he was so weak? Yeah, that one-- Lee carries that boy out to the yard and gives him a proper burial. He didn’t have to, but he did. 

Hell, he even mourns Brie when talking to Vernon in ep4, and that Anna woman that you see on the tapes after it’s revealed that she’s pregnant and has to give up her baby. 

Oh, and Chuck in the sewers? That one you can’t skip, and no matter what, Lee will stop and tell Chuck that he deserved better. 

Last example, but the dead couple in ep5-- this is one that everyone stands around in silence because it really is a chilling sight. 

This to me just shows a lot about Lee, especially in a setting where it’s easy for these characters to gloss over the deaths of those they didn’t know or to let others hurt for their benefit [y’know... Kenny with the bitten woman]. I’m sure there are even more examples, but I do have three other things to cover.

2. Taking responsibility for Clementine.

Okay, these last two are to be expected, but we’re gonna talk about them anyway. 

Listen, when Lee found Clementine alone at her house after she saved him from walker Sandra, he didn’t have to take her with him. He could’ve left her behind so that she didn’t “weigh him down” or “become a burden” since y’know, having a child in your care isn’t easy. 

But Lee didn’t do that. She saved his life, and he knows her parents are dead and not coming back. There wasn’t even a doubt in his mind-- he was taking this girl with him to ensure her safety. If he hadn’t, she could’ve ended up just like the boy in the attic, or worse. 

I also love that moment when they’re leaving the house and Clementine takes his hand. It’s sweet and shows us that they’re in this together now, and when Clementine shares her fears of leaving, he reassures her that he won’t leave her alone. 

Lee does his absolute best to care for her and give her what she needs. Hell, you can play as Scumbag Lee and most times, that doesn’t even matter-- he still expresses his care for her. 

Like... I don’t think game would work if the relationship between Lee and Clementine didn’t work, y’know? It’s strong and one of my favorite parts of S1 when I go back to it. I love seeing them grow from Lee being Clementine’s protector to Lee teaching her to survive and protect herself. 

Again, he didn’t have to do any of that. He could’ve pawned her off onto to anyone at the motor inn and called it a day, but he didn’t, and I love that about him. 

Lee goes through so much for a child that isn’t even his blood, but considers family nonetheless... which brings us to #1... 

1. Saving Clementine from the Stranger despite being bitten by a walker. 

Sigh.

Okay. I’m sure you’re tired of me saying this but... after Clementine is kidnapped by the Stranger and bitten by a walker, he could’ve given up. He didn’t have to go after Clementine-- he’s bit, he’s dying... he’s not gonna survive this, so why bother?

Because even though Lee knows he’s not going to survive the bite, he’s going to use the last of his time and energy to ensure that Clementine is safe. He’s gonna do whatever it takes to get Clementine the away from that madman who took her, make sure she remembers everything he taught her, make sure she’s armed, and make sure she knows where to go after he dies. 

Again, Lee didn’t have to go through this. He fought like hell and suffered plenty in making it to her. His last moments were agony for him, I’m sure. 

But he did it and you can tell he has no regrets because Clementine’s alive and going to make it. 

And y’know... that last damn scene in ep5 is just... a lot. 

I love it but I also hate it, and I believe I’ve mentioned this before but I’ve come to really love the ending where Clementine leaves Lee to turn. I know everyone gets upset because that means Lee will become a walker and [?] Everyone HATED that... but, I dunno... it shows something about Lee when you pick that choice. He’s more concerned about her than himself, y’know? Don’t waste the bullet, don’t risk the noise, don’t force her to physically kill him, let her walk away so she can remember her for what he was and not what he’s going to turn into... it’s reeeeal bittersweet. 

Then, of course, you can do the other choice and have Clementine shoot Lee which is just as great at making me cry, soo... thanks. 

Lee just goes through so much during this game-- he gets a second chance and everything he did, he did to ensure Clementine and his group’s survival and just... what a man. 

Lee Everett, you are the best and I love you. 

---

Honorable Mentions

-Not dropping Ben. Again, determinant, but I love a Lee who doesn’t drop children to their death because the mustache said so.  -Struggles with doors. Relatable.  -Is voiced by Dave Fennoy who gives a fantastic performance.  -Awkward flirt. Again, relatable. 

---

So what do you think? Do you agree with these reasons, or do you have any to add? Lemme know, it’s always fun to have character discussions. 

Have any suggestions for future T5F’s? Feel free to send ‘em in! :D

Next week’s T5F Top 5 GOOD Things About Season Two

[dramaticviolincrescendo]

Rewatching Shameless and i just watched 6x1 jail scene. Can I request a meta if its not too much trouble? I feel like reading a really good meta about that scene and you're one of the best we've got so.....

It’s never any trouble at all! That’s so sweet to say—thank you so much! <3 Kind of coming to terms with the idea that anyone cares about my opinion over here. You guys are too much!

This scene is actually extremely important to me because it and the response to it were what made me start writing Shameless fanfiction, specifically when I saw that my views regarding Ian’s behavior and how Mickey received it were so vastly different from what I initially read. (Insert shameless plug for “That Milkovich Reputation” here.) Now, I know you’ve told me not to do this before, but based on the controversial position in which this scene resides, I feel the need to present a couple of disclaimers for our audience at large.

I first fell in love with Shameless last March, a couple weeks before quarantine began. I didn’t know what it was prior to that and therefore was not present when Noel left the show, so I didn’t experience the disappointment of a beloved character leaving in a potentially permanent way and didn’t engage in the fandom or see how deeply upset people were by that until after I finished the series. I also don’t subscribe to the theory that there was something going on behind the scenes or any animosity between Noel and the creators, as I have not seen any relevant evidence from reliable sources to support that what happened was anything other than decisions made in pursuit of career goals on both sides. As such, my analysis of this scene has only ever taken the content and context of the story and characters into account. I have no interest in speculating on the motives of people I do not know in writing it or portraying it this way, and even if I did, this scene made perfect sense to me as it was written and performed.

I understand and appreciate that this is not a popular position to take and urge everyone to pass this post by if my position on that matter is offensive or upsetting to you. I do not mean to tell anyone what to think or believe, only to explain how I view this scene and the context in which I do so.

That said, let’s begin.

When Last Seen: Mickey

As in all things, context is important. Prior to the prison scene, the last time we saw Mickey was when Ian broke up with him and Sammi interrupted their heartfelt moment, which basically sums up her character in a nutshell. That was a rough couple of days for Mickey. He saw how devastated Ian was to hear his family talk about him as though he were just like Monica; was distressed in his own right to return for him and discover that he’d left the base with Monica; buried his frustration and sadness by sleeping around with other people, which seemed to exacerbate those emotions because those people weren’t Ian, nor had he and Ian broken up when he did it; and came running when Ian called him, only for Ian to end their relationship.

Mickey is a very sharp man—we know this. He can read people like books and manipulate or intimidate them accordingly. He knew Ian had feelings for him in s1 when he showed up on his doorstep seeking comfort rather than going to any number of other people he trusted. He was well aware that Ian loved him in s3, and that made what he felt he had no choice in doing that much more painful. He heard what Ian said and knew what he was doing in 5x12. Of that, I have never had any doubt. It wasn’t like Ian tried to hide that he didn’t want to break up but thought that that was what would be best. In fact, the way he initially framed it always made me think that one of his highest priorities was not dragging Mickey down with him, especially in the aftermath of being called “destructive” and similar to someone who “put them through hell.” That’s why Mickey’s response wasn’t to call him an asshole or get angry or beg. It was to reassure Ian that he was there for the long haul, that he loved him and wanted to take care of him no matter what that meant—and that they could make that work. All the sentiments Ian had tried to communicate before he got married, Mickey was reciprocating in his own way. Had they not needed to temporarily write Mickey out of the story and Sammi hadn’t shown up right that second, I believe that he wouldn’t have given up so easily. We do have confirmation of that being the case in the prison scene, but we’ll get to that shortly.

When Last Seen: Ian

Ian isn’t a selfish character. We know this, too. However, Ian needed to be selfish by the end of s5. What he had to come to terms with wasn’t something that anyone could fully help him with, much as Mickey desperately wanted to. To Ian, the enemy was within. It was inside him, in his brain, telling him what to do even if that destroyed himself and everything he loved. It’s terrifying. I’m not bipolar, nor do I suffer from any other diagnosed mental illnesses, but I admire and respect everyone who wakes up every morning and tackles these things. They’re heroes every single day. But by the end of s5, Ian doesn’t feel much like a hero. Instead, he feels like the villain, and he’s lost touch with who he even is anymore.

That’s not a healthy mindset to have in a relationship. Relationships require a level of give and take, and that used to be something that Ian and Mickey already struggled with. Ian gave more in s1-3 because he was able to, while Mickey had a limit on what he could openly give because of the environment in which he lived and the manner in which he was raised. In s4-5, those roles were reversed: Mickey was able to give so much more, but Ian was gradually falling apart. Neither of them are at fault for any of those situations. It is what it is, and they have a stronger relationship for it. Ian is a giver, though. He’s always been a giver. To be in a position where he doesn’t feel like he can give anything to Mickey because he doesn’t even know who he is was truly heartbreaking for him, and objectively, he needed to take a step back so that he could focus on himself. He knew it. Based on Mickey’s understanding of Ian’s reasons after watching him deny that he had a problem for so long, I think Mickey knew it too. This hurt both of them—Ian to say it and Mickey to hear it—but they’re not fools and they’re not naïve. In some ways, they know each other better than anyone.

Jimmy said that when you’re on a plane, they tell you to put on your mask before you help anyone else with theirs. Ian needed to put on his mask. His heart can’t keep beating if his lungs don’t work.

Starting Season 6: Mickey

Unsurprisingly, Mickey has settled into prison life just fine. We’ll focus on his interactions with Ian in a bit as that’s the meat of the scene, but there are major implications inherent in his discussion with Svetlana beforehand.

1.      Mickey has accepted that this will be his reality for the foreseeable future. What else is he supposed to do? Besides, he’s known for a long time that the likelihood of ending up in prison was pretty high for him, as he alluded to in s2. He was a street thug. He stole from local stores, sold drugs, ran guns, operated a rub ‘n’ tug, created scam companies, and was a generally violent presence in the neighborhood for years. He was in juvie twice during the show, perhaps more beforehand. The unfortunate fact of the matter is that it would have been more surprising if Mickey didn’t get locked up at some point than that he did.

2.      Ian has visited Mickey before. We won’t get too deeply into this yet, but he thanks Ian for “coming back.” The other times, he wasn’t even paid to do it. So, as far as Mickey can tell, nothing has changed. Ian is focusing on himself right now, but his love for Mickey hasn’t dulled at all. That’s an encouraging thought, and it certainly puts a smile on Mickey’s face.

3.      Ever the opportunist and entrepreneur, Mickey really is doing just fine in prison. He runs a business, if you will, that appears to be quite lucrative already. This isn’t surprising either. Sadly, it’s a bad move. He’s already going to be in prison for somewhere around a decade, give or take a couple of years depending on his behavior. But his behavior isn’t good. He’s hurting people for money, and if he gets caught and brought up on more charges, not only will he serve the full fifteen years, but he could get more time added onto that.

4.      Ian is aware of this arrangement. He has to be if he’s been going there with Svetlana, and they weren’t exactly hiding what they were talking about. Ian has been very consistent throughout the series: he’s not as concerned with the moral implications of Mickey’s behavior, just how it could potentially impact their ability to be together. He still cares about Mickey at the start of s6, and Mickey can see it on his face when he won’t say it out loud. (More on that shortly.) Once he’s in a better spot mentally, maybe they would have gotten back together had Mickey been on the outside. I’m of the opinion that they would have based on the context of the situation. It isn’t an option, however. This is Mickey’s reality, and he’s not doing everything he can to get out earlier. If anything, he’s tempting fate on not being released at all. (This, in hindsight, sounds rather similar to the issues they’re dealing with right now in s11.)

So, this is where Mickey stands at the start of the season: a prison hitman who is quite pleased that the man he loves has come to see him again, even if the latter is visibly not in a very healthy mental state.

Starting Season 6: Ian

Ian isn’t in most of 6x01. What we do see of him is typically sad or colored by his frustration, outside Carl’s welcome home party at the end of the episode. Even then, there’s an aura of discomfort that accompanies the family’s knowledge that things have changed. Carl came out of juvie a different person—they’re all different people after s5, and they’re not sure how to handle walking on eggshells around each other.

From the very start of the episode, we see that Ian is still struggling even though he’s had enough time to at least partially adjust to his medication, especially if he’s been on and off of it. It’s so sweet how Fiona gently wakes him up—it’s also a bit different. What happened to banging on the bunk bed and yelling for them to come down for breakfast? After behaving pretty normally with Debbie at the bathroom door, she’s almost handling him with kid gloves, and the punches keep coming when she reminds him that he (1) has to get up for work at a place he despises and (2) needs to remember to take his meds.

The kitchen scene is extremely telling of where Ian is at this point, and it partially shows why he’s somewhat standoffish by the time we reach the prison scene. Most of the family is gone or different. Fiona is repeatedly on him about meds and getting to work on time—Ian, Mister Responsible himself who was out of the house before anybody woke up to get to work on time as a kid. Lip is at college. Debbie is absorbed in her unconfirmed but likely pregnancy. Carl is in juvie, and Liam is playing with the switchblade he found under Carl’s pillow before they take him to pre-K. His entire support system is either gone or treating him like he’s broken. All he has is Fiona “going Fiona” on everyone. It’s clear that this is impacting him because he actually derails the conversation to say that they should go visit Carl the following weekend, which was the position Debbie used to be in when Fiona was in jail. Just like Lip shut her down, Debbie shuts Ian down, and he doesn’t say another word as he drinks his coffee—which he can’t finish because Fiona is once again on him about work, so he trudges out the door to another day of being a busboy with no dreams instead of a soldier who has a future.

Work isn’t much better. Svetlana wants him to go see Mickey when he’s determined to stay away. (We don’t have confirmation, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to assume that he wants to distance himself if Mickey is doing something that will potentially get him into even more trouble, especially given some of his reactions at the prison.) Sean is sending Fiona to nag him about not moving fast enough when the diner isn’t even busy. When Otis is chased down by the cops and slammed against the front window, Sean rather condescendingly tells him to, “take your rag and wipe the blood and snot off the window.” Ian—West Point-aspiring, ambitious, courageous, caring, intelligent, hardworking Ian has been reduced to wiping up someone’s snot by a boss who’s living in his house with a sister that’s treating him like he’s shattered glass and a family that is growing further and further apart these days.

That is the day Ian has had before he even arrives at the prison. Odds are that that is how most of his days have gone for quite some time, minus the blood and snot. …Maybe.

The Prison Scene

Now we come to it: what you actually asked about! It’s taken this long to get here because we can’t possibly interpret this scene effectively without incorporating all of what came before it. Mickey’s position is regrettable, but he knows that Ian still loves him and is at least handling his situation with all the grace and competence that we can expect from him. Ian is a bit of a mess who’s had a bad day and is now faced with the man he loves, who he is telling himself he can’t be with, sitting behind glass—where he’ll be for a good long while.

I’m going to divide this analysis into two sections. For a scene that many prefer to forget, to me, it’s a masterpiece of storytelling.

Physicality

The body language in this scene is remarkable—phenomenally blocked, phenomenally directed, and phenomenally portrayed.

When Mickey first appears, he’s visibly chomping at the bit to get to the visitation area. He’s peering out there while he’s still behind a locked door, and he only diverts his gaze to the guard because he’s waiting for him to unlock it. He’s cool about the whole thing—he’s very cool—but he’s obviously also here for one reason and one reason only. That reason is where his eyes go the moment he sits down at his stall and spots Ian’s coat where the latter is pacing behind Svetlana. Throughout their entire conversation, we see his eyes darting to Ian as he attempts to get the business out of the way so that he can indulge purely in the pleasure. It doesn’t matter to him that Ian is visibly tired and reluctant to be there or that he plays with Yevgeny instead of actively joining their conversation. It’s Ian, and all Mickey has to look at in here is a bunch of fellow thugs he hasn’t loved since he was too young to know what that meant. Damn right, he’s going to shamelessly watch him.

In Ian’s pacing, where we can’t see his face, I find it interesting that he keeps himself angled away from the glass. We see more of his back even though he’s moving side to side rather than away. He doesn’t want to see this. He doesn’t want to be there. In s7, he told Mickey how hard it was to see him behind glass—that wasn’t an excuse. He wasn’t falsely trying to make it sound like he was suffering at their separation just as much as Mickey was. We can see that that’s the case right here in 6x01. Ian has never had a problem sitting still through difficult moments, not even when a potential court martial that would further ruin his life was on the table. But this? He can’t sit down. He can’t face that.

The first time he turns directly towards Mickey’s location is so that Svetlana can hand Yevgeny off to him, and Mickey is visibly loving the view. His expression gets a bit softer, and he ducks his head a little so that he can catch a glimpse of Ian’s face. He follows Ian with his eyes even though Svetlana tries to get his attention. What a blast from the past, right? Ian there with his son, taking care of him while he and Svetlana figure out their business? And just like before, he offers Svetlana all of the attention and input that he deems her worth—next to nothing. Ian’s over there. Ian’s keeping the kid entertained, playing with him and rocking a bit in their seat and leaning over his little shoulder to make sure he’s doing okay—but forget that, Mickey’s eyes are examining him from red hair to beat-up shoes. He only glances back to Svetlana because he has to in order to get the information for their next paycheck. Even then, he’s still back and forth, up and down.

And Ian? He can’t keep pacing. He can’t stay turned away, but he won’t look. He occupies himself more than Yevgeny because now he’s low enough that he won’t just see an orange jumpsuit—he’ll see Mickey, and he’s had a bad enough day with his family making him feel more alone than ever without adding that pain on top of it. (This is the third time Mickey’s been locked up for something directly or indirectly related to Ian. I’m sure it’s not unreasonable to suspect that he also feels somewhat guilty about that, especially when it happened right after he broke it off.)

When Mickey asks if Ian is going to sit back there the whole time and not interact with him, Svetlana turns around and presumably says something to get his attention. Their eyes meet, and Mickey gives him a look that clearly says, “What the fuck, man?” This isn’t the behavior of a man who is heartbroken at their relationship ending or questioning Ian’s love for him. This is the behavior of a man who wants the love of his life to get his shit together enough to come say hi to him—or at least look at him—because he can’t pretend that he doesn’t want to see Mickey as much as Mickey wants to see him. It’s impossible to hide that when Ian has let Mickey see so much of his heart over the years.

Ian’s response is so fascinating because he does meet Mickey’s eyes, and he holds that connection for a moment. Then, reading what Mickey is trying to tell him, he actually turns further away again so that Mickey gets his shoulder. This sets the stage for the rest of Ian’s development from now through s9. He’s doing what Ian does: he’s compartmentalizing. He’s taking the emotions he can’t deal with right now, wrapping them in tissue paper, and neatly stacking them in a box that he’ll put up in the attic where he can pretend they don’t exist. But they do. They really do.

If they didn’t, he wouldn’t have spent their entire conversation trying so hard to focus on literally anything but Mickey, because as we saw in the Hall of Shame flashbacks and as has been obvious since their first fight-turned-fuck, once they look, the battle is lost.

Dialogue

I’m going to be real with you guys: I adore this scene. I’ve watched it more times than I can count even though I haven’t rewatched much of the season in its entirety. There was so much said with so few words, and while I was sad at the end, I was also hopeful. This was an impossible position to be put in on both sides, and I truly believe that this was the best resolution they could get at the time. And yes, it hurt. It was painful. But why was it painful?

Because they’re so visibly, obviously, irrevocably in love.

Mickey’s tone when he tells Svetlana to leave because he wants to talk to Ian isn’t as harsh as it’s been for the rest of their visit. There’s such a disconnect between his words and tone: roughly telling her to scram while actually sounding a bit younger at the idea of speaking directly with Ian. Svetlana could tell. It’s so clear, and her smirk is super knowing. In that moment, we’re seeing the woman who stood in the doorway of what was supposed to be her bedroom and watched him make eyes at this unconscious boy she didn’t really even remember. Not in the tears and realizing she was in big, big trouble if he left her, but in the understanding that his heart isn’t in the body on the other side of the glass—it’s sitting behind her. There are a lot of things I don’t like about Svetlana as a person (as a character, she’s amazing), but since they reached their agreement in s4, she’s never had a derogatory thing to say about the love those two share, and I respect that. It’s actually a bit cute how she takes her time and is almost teasing in giving him what he wants. A bit.

As I have this scene running on repeat so that I don’t miss anything in writing this, I paused to type and ended up on such a meaningful glance at Ian’s face. Svetlana just took Yevgeny from him, and he hasn’t gotten up yet. He’s staring straight at Mickey, and he looks hesitant. Scared, almost. Then he looks up at Svetlana, nods a bit, and reluctantly moves into her spot.

Is it overkill to take this one exchange at a time? Probably. Am I going to do it anyway? Hell to the yes.

1.      “Thanks for coming back.”/”Yeah… Svetlana paid me.” – I know that people hate this line and think this is painful. I know that it objectively is painful. I still laugh every time. Not because Ian agreed to come if he was paid. (He’s got medication to afford and no insurance. I can’t begrudge him wanting to make a few extra bucks any way he can.) Not because of the words, but because of what accompanies them. Ian will not look at Mickey—he’s lost so many battles lately, and he can’t lose this one too. Not when he started this one himself. He’s hemming and hawing, not looking up from the countertop and then twisting around to see if Svetlana is still there or anyone else is listening. It’s so stupid, because literally no one cares, but it gives you this sensation that Ian sees himself as being under a microscope the whole time. That’s his life anymore, at home and at work and now here. And Mickey? He doesn’t look terribly broken up about Ian accepting payment in exchange for coming. He gets this expression that I interpreted as, “Seriously? You’re playing it like that?” Then it settles into disappointment that Ian won’t open up or look at him like he normally would—that the glass interferes with the magnetic pull between them. But don’t worry, children. Uncle Mickey has just the thing to fix that: himself.

2.      “You look good.”/*awkward silence* – I mean…what do you say to that? I actually felt so bad for Ian there because what must he have looked like these last visits if Mickey is telling him that he looks good now? What kind of mess was he then when he’s still sort of a mess today? And he can’t even return the sentiment because how can he? Mickey is in prison. He’s in a jumpsuit looking at being here so long that he’ll probably have a few grey hairs starting to grow in when he gets out. I don’t know how to respond when people tell me I look good on an average day, so I can only imagine how that must have felt in his position. And still, he won’t do more than glance in Mickey’s direction. Well, if that didn’t work…

3.      Mickey chuckles and says he got a new tattoo. Ian’s eyes immediately shoot upwards, and Mickey slouches a little so that he’s in their direct line of sight—to hold them there, because once they look, the battle is lost. And Ian does lose. For a while there, he can’t look away again. First, because Mickey is courting some pretty nasty illnesses with his improper use of needles. Seriously, Mickey, a beautiful gesture but holy crap. Second, Mickey has his name (or a very close approximation to it) tattooed forever right over his heart. Ian had asked if Mickey was going to marry him, and Mickey told him to fuck off, but everything he’s doing points in the opposite direction. He promised sickness and health; now he’s made a permanent mark on his body for everyone to see. Mickey, who wouldn’t be seen in public with him once upon a time, has plastered Ian’s name onto his body. Ian tries so hard not to let that impact him, but it’s over. He’s lost the battle already, and he falls further and further. He’s smiling when he tells Mickey it looks infected, he teases him about the misspelling (which I think says more about how much that tattoo must have hurt than any inability to spell on Mickey’s part—I’d have a typo too), and he laughs at Mickey’s irritation that he messed it up. And it’s this sweet little laugh, not cruel or hurtful or mean. The wonderful thing about humor is that it can be used to cope with difficult emotions. We’ve seen a lot of people on the show start laughing when they’re in a bad place. Ian has been trying so hard to accept his life as it is even during the shitty day he was having. He tried so hard not to let himself fall into the trap of letting his love for Mickey rule his actions in the scene so far. That’s a lot. That’s denying himself to the point where I’m sure it hurts. And so he laughs, because Mickey did this crazy, absurd thing for him and yeah, it came out wrong, but he did it. This was all Ian wanted once upon a time (minus the felony), and now he has it—but he can’t have it. So he laughs. He immediately moves to hide it, but he laughs. He smiles more and has to bend away to pretend that he’s not—and Mickey lights up like a goddamn Christmas tree. This is the moment that keeps me from seeing this scene or Ian’s actions as being cruel. They’re both hurting, and this is an awful position to be in. But Ian loves him so much, and Mickey was doing everything he could to make him show it. Not exactly how he saw that going, I’m sure, but he’ll take it.

4.      “Been thinking about you.” – Knowing that he lost that one, Ian looks away again. While the end of this scene will hurt for both of them, especially Mickey, think about the pain he must be feeling in that moment simply because he’s not. He’s not hurting. For the first time that day, he feels good. This can’t last. Mickey isn’t coming home with him when time is up. This wonderful emotion that filled him up enough for him to laugh and smile after such a bad day will be gone the second he hangs up that phone. Then he’s going to go home and have Fiona breathing down his neck with nobody else for support. And Mickey will be here—behind glass. He can’t handle that, and he pulls that box out again and starts tearing off the tissue paper. He has to get rid of this feeling. He has to be the one to put it away before it kicks him to the curb. He’s stubborn, and Mickey can see him shutting down but also knows that he’s knocked enough bricks out of Ian’s walls to say something softer, something emotional and closer to the heart. Something he is willing to say where the other inmates can hear, which I don’t think is lost on Ian since he immediately looks up again. He doesn’t look away either, not even when Mickey asks if Ian thinks about him. He glances to the side and opens his mouth a bit, but nothing comes out. Mickey knows the answer.

5.      “Gonna wait for me?”/”You’re here for fifteen years.” – There’s this thing Mickey does after he first says that. He chuckles, because he knows that that’s pretty unreasonable to ask and has already predicted Ian’s response. His comment about being out in eight is lighthearted, a serious matter spoken as a joke because…this isn’t juvie anymore. They’re not going to see each other in a few months. This is Mickey’s version of what Ian was just doing, only where Ian tried to withdraw and escape within himself, Mickey is making it more humorous. He’s always done that, make light of pretty serious things to avoid looking at just how messed up it is. But I didn’t get the feeling he was really asking for Ian to wait that long. Instead, I got the feeling that he was testing the waters, seeing if Ian would shut him down—which he didn’t. He offered the bullshit excuse that Mickey tried to kill a member of his family, and Mickey saw through that immediately. I think he knows that he can’t ask Ian to seriously wait and never be with anyone else for fifteen years, or even for eight. I think he knows what he’s saying is a touch absurd. He also knows that Ian’s excuse is extremely absurd, and he doesn’t buy it for a second. It gives him a little courage to do something…well, a bit absurd.

6.      “Will you? Wait? Fucking lie if you have to, man. Eight years is a long time.” – I think the important part of this isn’t that Ian says he’ll wait when he doesn’t mean it, which is the popular take. For one thing, I don’t think we can ascribe that level of calculated behavior to Ian in this instance. There are a few things about this part of the scene that mean a lot to me: (1) Ian doesn’t get up and go. He doesn’t even move in that direction. He sits there with the phone after the buzzer sounds and before Mickey tells him to lie. His mouth opens and closes like he’s not sure what to say. Because what can he say? If Mickey serves the maximum, Ian will be in his mid-thirties by the time they can be together. At that point, he was either nearing eighteen or just turned. I still can’t fathom what I’ll be doing in my mid-thirties, and I’m a whole lot older than that. Ian looks just a little terrified here, and that’s because he knows he loves Mickey but has no clue what he’s supposed to do with that in the impossible circumstances they’re operating under. (2) Ian can’t even see himself moving on yet. He’s still trying to figure himself out, not think about a relationship. He has a job he hates, and his family is a different brand of chaos these days. He feels alone, yes, but not in a way that has him openly desperate for a relationship. Based on what he says to Mandy about Caleb, I think it’s pretty safe to assume that he doesn’t think he’ll ever be in a serious relationship at this point or even in a position for more than casual sex anytime in the near future. How can he say that he’ll wait when he doesn’t know where he’ll be whenever Mickey does get out? Maybe he’ll feel better. Maybe he’ll be out of his mind, roaming all over the place like Monica. Maybe he won’t just be standing on that bridge. It’s a huge question, one that has a lot of ramifications no matter what his answer is, and Ian clearly has none. He’s blindsided by that, which Mickey sees. That’s when he gets serious about those eight years, about how absurd their situation really is. That’s perhaps the first and only time in this scene where we can see that, for as successful as he is at navigating prison, his freedom means something to him. His freedom means he wouldn’t have to coax a glance out of Ian—he could kiss his dumb ass and make him stop being stubborn about how much he loves Mickey. But he can’t. He won’t be able to for a long time. And I think that is what really breaks his heart in this scene, not…

7.      “Yeah. Yeah, Mick, I’ll wait.” – Did anyone else notice how Ian swallowed hard before he answered? How his voice gets hoarse when he first speaks? I paused again to type, and the video is sitting on his face staring at the counter before the second part of what he says. He looks like he might cry. He looks like his heart is breaking just as much as Mickey’s is, because he can do what he’s asking this time—reassure him with a lie. Not because he doesn’t intend to wait, but because he is buried so far under what life has piled on top of him that he can’t see the light these days, and he doesn’t see waiting or moving on. He just sees the daily struggle of being this shell of a person. Of being without Mickey even if they’re not technically together. (Admittedly, I think he knew they would be if Mickey weren’t in prison at that moment. Ian has no real self-control where he’s concerned. Lip told him as much, and he’s self-aware enough to realize it, hence his behavior in this whole scene.)

When Ian hangs up the phone, he doesn’t get up immediately. He looks at Mickey—really looks at him—and each of them watches the other’s heart shatter. I don’t see it the way a lot of people do, though. On Mickey’s side, I don’t see it as being because Ian lied. I think it’s so much bigger than that.

Ian looks at him when they can’t hear each other anymore, and if he didn’t seem ready to cry before, he looks it now. Why? Because there’s nothing he can do for Mickey besides that. Ian, ever the giver, can’t give him anything. At that point, he couldn’t even help himself. He can’t be what Mickey needs in that moment, just like he couldn’t be what Mickey needed while he was sick, and it kills him. It kills him to know that by the time Mickey does get out, he’ll be older than he can fathom being and has no idea if he’ll even be around that long. It kills him to feel like even if he is, he’ll still have nothing to offer because, in his own words, this is where he lands. And it kills him to have to walk away and leave what he loves most behind glass.

Mickey is watching this. He knows Ian, and as painful as it was to get exactly what he asked for, it’s even more painful for him to see what him being here does to Ian. Where Ian is a giver, Mickey is a fixer. He makes things better. When stuff is broken, he puts it back together. When there’s a problem, he resolves it. Ian was going to leave because he couldn’t be an unacknowledged number three in Mickey’s life anymore? He jumped to solve the problem by coming out. Ian was acting strangely and wouldn’t get out of bed for so long that Mickey realized something was wrong? He immediately went to hunt down Lip, who he knows is closer to Ian than anyone else in his family. Fiona tells him that Ian is sick and needs to be cared for? He jumps in to do it, even to the point where it did more harm than good. Sammi caused a problem that Mickey couldn’t solve? He fixed the problem of her being there at all. But here he sits, behind glass, watching Ian that whole time and knowing that he was trying to maintain some emotional distance—and, because it’s Mickey, knowing why. There’s nothing he can do about this. He can’t fix it. For the first time since s3, Mickey is absolutely helpless to fix a problem. He takes a breath as Ian walks away as though he’s about to say something, but what can he say? What can he do? Nothing. He can do nothing but hang up the phone and weather the storm.

In the end, the heartbreak in this scene isn’t about them hurting each other, from my perspective. It’s not about Ian being callous and cruel or purposely trying to hurt Mickey. They know each other too well for that. They’ve been through too much. To me, this is about two people who love each other more than anything not being able to be what the other needed when they needed them—and that’s a whole lot more painful.

[set-phasers-to-whump]

taking care

prompt: sleep deprived (from day 15)

whumpee: nick burkhardt

fandom: grimm

hiiii i am exhausted and unfortunately it shows in this fic :/ sorry ab that but maybe you will enjoy it? anyway this is set super early s1, like eps 3-7ish. 

Nick hasn’t been sleeping since everything in his life got turned upside down. What little sleep he can get is inevitably interrupted by nightmares, which often leave him more tired than simply not sleeping, so most nights, he doesn’t bother. 

But despite being horribly sleep deprived and in the middle of quite a lot of terrible things, he hasn’t taken any time off of work. He can’t. He needs something in his life that is constant. Something that hasn’t changed drastically and left him spinning. So he’s working. And he’s not sleeping. 

--

It’s obvious that Nick is exhausted. There are persistent, deep, dark circles beneath his eyes and he’s pale and distant and his voice is quieter than usual and he’s unfocused and clearly suffering. Which is expected, given everything he’s been through in such a short amount of time. He and his aunt were attacked (more than once), he killed someone for the first time, and then lost his aunt and only surviving family member. It’s natural for him to be struggling. 

It’s not natural for him to be working through it. Hank wants to tell him - force him, if necessary - to take some time to process, to grieve, to heal, to sleep. But he doesn’t, because he knows Nick won’t listen to him, because this is just how Nick deals with things. He pushes himself beyond his limits and pretends like he isn’t falling apart. Hank hates it, but he doesn’t have the slightest idea as to how to fix it. 

--

They’re driving back from a crime scene, Hank at the wheel, Nick leaning his head against the passenger seat window. Hank glances over at him every so often, notices his eyes slipping closed, and purposefully drives a bit slower in the hopes that Nick will fall asleep. 

But Nick can’t - or won’t - fall asleep. Hank stops at a red light, and Nick pushes away from the window, blinking his eyes slowly and clearly absolutely forcing himself to stay awake. This isn’t good for you, Hank thinks at his best friend, as the light changes. You’re going to make yourself sick by not sleeping. You’re going to get hurt. And you’re already hurting so much. 

He’d say all this to Nick, if he thought there was any chance of Nick listening. But to be honest, he’s not sure that Nick is even capable of listening to him right now. Not when he can barely keep his eyes open and looks somehow worse than death warmed over. 

A few minutes later, they arrive back at the precinct, Nick still stubbornly awake, Hank still worried and wondering if there’s anything he can do to get Nick to sleep. Nick walks inside very slowly and deliberately, like if he stops focusing on walking, he’ll collapse right then and there (which, Hank thinks, he just might end up doing anyway, if he doesn’t get some rest soon). Fortunately, the only thing the two of them have left to do today is paperwork. 

They haven’t been sitting at their desks for five minutes when Hank decides he’s had enough. Nick’s hand is slipping off the paper every two seconds, and his eyes keep closing, only for him to force them open again. Hank isn’t getting any work done, either, too preoccupied with watching Nick and wishing that there was something he could do. 

He supposes that there is, if he can just get Nick to listen to him and do what he says. He won’t know until he tries, so he says, “come with me,” and stands up, hoping that Nick will follow suit. 

Nick looks at him, horribly confused, but struggles to his feet anyway. That was easier than I expected, Hank thinks, but keeps that revelation to himself. He leads Nick into the break room, shooing away a couple of junior detectives with a sharp look, leaving him and Nick in the room alone. He closes the door behind them and flicks off the overhead lights. 

“Sit,” he instructs, pointing to the couch. Nick sits and then looks at Hank like he’s not sure why he’s here. 

Hank sighs. “I know you haven’t been sleeping. I don’t blame you, with everything you’ve gone through in the past few days. It’s natural to be struggling, but you’re obviously exhausted and I don’t want you getting hurt. Sleep.”

Nick’s eyes look anywhere but him. He picks at a seam on the couch cushion. “I can’t…I keep…”

Hank picks up on what Nick can’t bring himself to admit. “Nightmares, right?”

Nick nods, flushing, and Hank hates that he feels embarrassed by this. He reaches out a hand to touch Nick's arm. Nick pulls away, then slowly lets himself lean back into the touch. 

“You know, that’s a perfectly normal reaction to trauma,” Hank says. “I don’t think you could find a single person in this precinct who hasn’t had a nightmare or two…or twenty.”

Nick shrugs. 

“But they’re why you haven’t been sleeping?”

Nick admits it like it physically hurts. “They scare Juliette. She tries not to show it but I can see it…they scare me, too. Hank, what if I’m going crazy?”

His voice breaks a little, and Hank watches him bite down on his bottom lip and blink back tears. Hank wishes desperately that there was something he could say or do to fix this all, to take the devastated look off of Nick’s face, but he knows there’s nothing. So he offers up the one thing he is sure of.

“You’re not going crazy,” he promises. “You’re processing about a million different horrible things at once. Which might feel like going crazy, but I promise you, you’re okay.”

One of the tears he’d tried to force back slips down Nick’s cheek, and then he’s crying, extremely quietly, and Hank wonders how long it had taken him to learn how to do that. Nick hides his face in his hands and sniffs and Hank feels this pull to do something, so he very slowly and carefully wraps an arm around Nick, hugging him a bit awkwardly but (he hopes) comfortingly. Nick turns his body into Hank’s and relaxes against him, and for quite a few minutes they just sit together. 

Eventually, Nick pulls back, and once again refuses to look at Hank. “Sorry,” he whispers, and Hank would smack him on the back of the head if he didn’t already look so damn broken. 

“Don’t you dare be sorry,” he says, his voice equal parts threatening and kind. “Just sleep, okay? I’ll stay in here with you and do our paperwork and if you start looking like you’re having a nightmare, I’ll wake you up.”

“Really?” Nick asks. “You don’t have to -”

“I’m doing it,” Hank interrupts. “And I know I don’t have to. I want to.”

“Okay,” Nick agrees, easy as that. He curls himself into a ball on the couch, shoes and jacket still on, and closes his eyes. He’s asleep in seconds, even though some of the lights are still on and the sounds of the precinct are filtering through the walls. He really is exhausted, Hank thinks, getting up to go and grab their paperwork. Nick’ll owe him for doing it, eventually, but for now, he’s happy to fill out section A and check the proper box and initial on the line in return for his best friend finally getting the sleep he so desperately needs. 

Hank returns to the break room with two stacks of papers, turns off every light except the one by the table that faces the couch, and sits down to get to work. He watches Nick first, for a moment, though, his chest rising and falling, his face relaxed, looking peaceful and comfortable for the first time in days. Hank smiles at him, and picks up his pen. 

thanks for reading! if by some miracle this didn’t suck and you liked it then please know i love you so much <3

[ransomedrogue]

Tales of Woe - Scenes from S1

...things start to get complicated and Jane gets on the guilt train. poor girl, so much suffering to come still :[

1.11

She didn't know what to do with her hands.

Weller and Reade had only been gone a few minutes but Jane's head was already full of what ifs; her hands clenching then unclenching with each terrible possibility her mind came up with Until she finally noticed what she'd been doing and ended up just balling her fingers into fists so tight that it strained her entire torso.

Zapata was working on the primitive sat phone and there wasn't anything that Jane could do on that project. So she was just stuck there, full of anxiety and in action mode but with nowhere to go.

Jane sighed, frustrated with the situation even though she wasn't angry at being left behind. Weller had been right; committing too many of them to the mission wasn't tactically sound. Yet Jane still wanted to be out there with them, watching his back and keeping him safe.

Making sure that he made it back.

A ball of ice sat in her gut, one that had formed when he'd acknowledged the obvious fact that they might be killed while out on the op. Even though there had been risk and near death situations in every tattoo case they'd worked, everything was now coated with a new level of anxiety. Like the scientist had said, she was the reason they were out there. And if Weller never came back, that was all on her.

Jane stared at her hands, her eyes boring into the designs. It seemed impossible that she was responsible for all of the tattoos, and where they were leading the team. But only because she couldn't imagine why anyone would choose to erase their entire life for an elaborate plot, especially if she'd had a fiancé.

Her jaw was so taut, it felt like her teeth were held together by a vise. Jane realized she was giving herself a headache being so incredibly tight but couldn't seem to relax her muscles even after becoming conscious of the issue. Her entire body and mind were fixated on one thing only - she had to get the team out of there safely. After that, she could find out more information on the plot she was seemingly involved in and hopefully come up with a way to stop it all before anyone got hurt.

Jane groaned to herself, closing her eyes for a moment to try and push aside the pain in her head. She was so anxious about what was happening with Weller and Reade that she felt nauseous, even a little light-headed.

"Hey Jane, you with me?"

Her eyes snapped open at Zapata's question and she was disoriented for a second before finally noticing Tasha giving her a concerned look from down on the ground.

"Yeah, sorry," Jane mumbled. "How's the phone coming?"

"Almost done," Zapata replied, still eyeing Jane studiously.

"Relax okay? You look like you're about to have an aneurysm. He's going to be fine."

Jane wanted to believe that and had been doing her best to talk herself down, but obviously it hadn't been enough. Even with Tasha's optimism, it was impossible to avoid the fear clinging onto the back of her throat. Especially when Reade and Mike came bursting in, with the cattle prod but without Weller.

Jane leapt into action, fuelled by all the anxious energy that she'd just built up. She didn't know exactly what she was going to do, but she wasn't going to leave Kurt alone out there with the enemy.

But what if he was already…

"He got captured? Is he…?"

There wasn't a single thought in her mind other than his safety. Not one consideration to the armed terrorists who'd just caught him, or the fact that they'd be on extra high alert now. She needed to get out there and do whatever she could; sacrifice herself if necessary.

"I don't know," Reade replied, not helping her anxiety at all.

"I'll go after him," she said, already stepping towards the clandestine exit when Reade grabbed her by the shoulders.

"Hey, hold on," he said.

"Hold on, he's buying us some time, okay? Let's use it."

All of her worry screamed that she should be out there with him, nearly drowning out Reade's words. Again, the voice of reason wasn't at all what she wanted to hear at the moment. But Reade was right, of course. Kurt was out there, doing what needed to be done; risking himself for the mission, as he always did.

Images of Weller flashed through her mind. Staying behind with the deadly contagion, refusing to let them stay with him. Walking out alone and unarmed in front of the hostage takers at the CIA black site. Going out to face the danger at the hospital, to buy her time with Casey. Shutting her out of that house when the flashbomb went off.

All of those times he'd put himself in danger; that was all because of her. It should be her in that position, not him. But there was no way to explain that, at least not with what she currently knew.

When the terrorists came back and ordered the team to go with them, Jane was almost relieved, despite the roughness with which her wrists were zip-tied. At least something was happening, and they'd find out what had happened to Weller.

As they were led to another building, Jane felt dread worrying at the pit of her stomach, almost making her feel nauseous. Images of Kurt flooded her head once more but this time she pictured him dead already, shot in the back while running or executed after being caught. If they got to their destination and Weller's body was thrown in front of them, she wasn't sure what she was going to do. But it was sure to be drastic and violent, to the extreme.

When they were brought to the room and saw him tied to the chair in front of the video camera, her gut finally stopped making her feel sick. If Weller was still alive then they had a chance, and she was definitely not going to waste it.

Kurt was mouthing off to the terrorists, refusing to read the statement they'd written. She knew he'd never give them that satisfaction, so she needed to come up with a solution before they killed him for non-compliance.

Thankfully, her zip cuffs were starting to loosen as Jane stretched them out. She was going to be free shortly. And she wasn't going to let any of them get hurt.

###

She was sitting alone, seemingly lost in thought while staring out the window of the plane.

Weller watched from the other side of the aisle, wondering what was on her mind. There had been something off about her since the previous day – even Reade had noticed and mentioned it. And even though he couldn't quite define what was different about her, he could tell she'd been extra tense throughout the mission, more emotional than usual too.

Of course, they had just almost died, in another airplane. Or more accurately, he'd nearly killed them both in a moment of desperation. And then they'd come close to falling out of the sky; barely avoided plummeting straight into the ground. But, like usual, she'd ended up saving them, landing the jet safely with a lot of assistance from Patterson.

By any rights, they should be dead. It was possible Jane was just stuck on that, how close it had been. But he didn't think so. There had been a couple of times through the past two days when he’d thought she was trying to tell him something before the situation got in the way. And she was wearing the same sort of expression now.

For a brief moment Weller wondered if she was thinking about what happened on his doorstep the night before they went on the mission. But he figured that was just his ego talking. Whatever Jane was mulling seemed to run really deep, as if it was eating at her core.

Kurt hated how worried she looked, despite having just saved the day. He wished that she would just tell him what was bothering her, instead of stewing about it on her own. But he had the sense that if he confronted her about his concerns directly, she would bury everything deep and pretend to be fine.

Still, he couldn't just sit there, and watch her struggle by herself.

Weller got up and crossed the aisle, taking the seat next to her. The movement finally snapped Jane out of her reverie and she turned her head to look at him, her expression clearly troubled. He noticed that her nose was bleeding again and eyed it in concern. But Jane just wiped away the blood without saying anything and started to turn back towards the window.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

Not that Weller thought he would get a straight answer, but he needed to engage her somehow. He sensed she was trying to pull away for some reason, and he desperately hoped it wasn't because they'd kissed. He didn't really think so, yet the timing was awfully suspect.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Jane replied, too quickly.

"It's just the dry air."

But he'd never noticed her get nosebleeds before on plane rides. Which could mean nothing at all, just him seeing signs that weren't really there. Yet Jane seemed so guarded and troubled, despite the tough veneer she was wearing.

He could just let it go. With anyone else he wouldn't even have approached. But with Jane, he needed to try.

"Not just that," he said. "You seem… on edge."

"Is there something going on?"

Jane bit down on her lip as she lifted her eyes up to meet his. He could see a mix of emotions in the golden green of her irises and, for just a second, she almost slipped. Her lips parted, as if she were going to say something, but then the colour of her eyes darkened and her mouth zipped shut once more.

Weller watched as Jane glanced out the window again, collecting and securing all her nearly-escaped words. Then, when her emotional shield was finally back in place, she turned to face him again, obviously doing her best to offer him a reassuring smile.

"I'm okay," she muttered. "Don't worry about me."

Don't worry about her?

How could he not?

She was his to worry about - she always had been.

"Jane."

She dropped her eyes to her lap again, seemingly unable to withstand the demand in his expression. He could feel her trying to slip away emotionally, drift back out the window with her faraway thoughts.

Weller reached over with his hand and found hers clenched in her lap. Silently, he unwrapped her grip until he could wriggle his fingers in between hers. Then, once their fingers were interlaced, he squeezed tight, so their hands were balled together into one big fist.

That earned him an upward glance, and a small smile.

"Really. I'm fine," she said.

"I'm just so glad we all made it out of there."

Again, there was that inflection to her words, one Weller couldn't quite read. But obviously she wasn't going to talk to him about whatever it was, so he would have to make do with what she'd give him.

"Yeah. It's a good thing you came on the mission after all."

Jane flashed him another grin, but that edge was still there.

So he decided not to push it, knowing that they already had a different, possibly difficult, conversation looming, Instead, Weller just gave her hand another solid squeeze, physically reminding her that he was there for her. And, even though Jane eventually went back to looking out the window, at least their fingers stayed curled together until the plane was back on the ground.

[neverdoingmuch]

hey I just saw that post of Jon being ridiculously photogenic... what if... Sasha does some internet sleuthing and discovers Jons Secret Past As A Model

He needed the money Tim!

[referencing this post]

hsxdcfsxdfr that sounds amazing!! 

at first, when they’re going through the photos of jon, neither sasha or tim think too much about them past the fact that jon just always looks good,,, but then one day sasha decides to go back through them again and she’s like hm, that photo of jon smoking in the alley beside the institute looks kind of familiar. so she ends up doing some internet sleuthing and manages to find some magazine from like ten years ago or something and there, on the front cover, is jon. sasha’s first instinct is to go haha i didn’t know jon had a twin/creepy lookalike but no, there’s no mistaking the angsty scowl (though he usually makes it when he accidentally leaves the teabag in his tea for too long and not bc he’s meant to be brooding at a camera). sasha ends up flipping through the magazine and finds him in several other photos so there’s no way it was just a one off and now sasha knows the truth. 

i’d say that she sits on it for a bit, just keeps collecting old photos that jon modelled in and keeps playing the game with tim to see if he ever realises. it takes like three months before tim goes hm am i crazy or is this photo of jon familiar and he’s holding up that same photo of jon that sasha recognised. when tim finds out the truth, sasha is immediately aware. not because she’s like ridiculously in sync with her best buddy or anything but bc tim literally storms into the archives and goes straight to jon’s office and he doesn’t even shut the door behind him before shouting you were a model???!!! martin chokes and sasha suddenly remembers his crush on jon “doesnt look like he sleeps and is already preparing to be a crotchety old man wearing only beige and mustard” sims and is like shit,, i guess we can’t tease him about that anymore bc when jon puts in the effort he looks Good.

so they both sneak over to eavesdrop and sasha manages to duck behind a filing cabinet outside jon’s office just in time to hear jon say that he was a uni student and really broke. (reasons why he wanted more money include: to pay off his university debt, to fund his expensive alt wardrobe, to buy toys for the admiral, lunch dates with georgie. also he worked like a week in customer service and went yeah no modelling doesn’t actually sound that bad.) tim is like why didnt you tell us and bc this is s1 jon he says, in the blandest voice possible, why would I? they weren’t even all that good and then tim ends up rambling on about how good his photos were, bc danny was definitely a model for a while there (wait!! does this mean jon and danny worked together?? bc that would be really great) and sasha is like,,, i may not be able to tease martin about his crush but tim has just opened up a whole world of suffering for himself now. 

anyway the truth has come out and now jon has no escape from the team photos they take. elias is definitely 100% the boss who forces everyone at the institute to take team photos to encourage idk friendliness and stuff and everyone hates it. so far jon had only been able to avoid it bc everyone thought he would be really bad in photos and would ruin them. was that a concern bc tim and sasha always try and look as hot as possible in the photos and martin just oozes attractiveness naturally?? yes, it is. they all just wanted to be the hottest archives crew there was and they all thought that jon’s jon-ness would probably rank beneath gertrude robinson’s habit of being in the middle of blinking in every photo they have of her. but now they know that jon used to be a model they force him to join in their crew photos and like the first few are kind of awkward bc as good as he is in photos, jon either needs to not know he’s in one or needs someone to tell him what to do so that’s how they end up convincing rosie to come down and help them pose. when they eventually get the perfect photo, rosie assures them that they are definitely the hottest group of people to ever have graced the archives and they probably frame it somewhere in the archives (and then it goes missing after the worms invade the institute and sasha tells them it was probably destroyed in the chaos but shh).

[fannishcodex]

Unpopular Opinion Maybe: Kipo had an Identity Crisis in S1

More and more I honestly get bothered when people are all like “ooh Kipo wasn’t affected by being a mega mute lab experiment due to her parents experimenting on her it’s so refreshing compared to other cartoons LOL” because it’s completely glossing over season 1 where Kipo absolutely freaked out over her body suddenly physically changing and suddenly looking like a mute for no apparent reason. Tad Mulholland gave her a dream that was largely about this, Wolf almost left her over this. Kipo was absolutely affected by this, it absolutely caused an identity/existential crisis for her, it absolutely freaked her out.

Kipo absolutely freaked out when her body started growing fur and exhibiting other extreme physical changes and showed indications she was somehow suddenly changing into a mute for no apparent reason. (This in no way indicates she ever harbored serious anti-mute feelings. This is literally about her body suddenly physically changing for no apparent reason.) So much of Tad Mulholland’s dream reflects her anxiety and yes, angst, about these sudden physical changes. Kipo’s allowed to get upset when her body suddenly starts physically changing and she has no idea why; and it’s happening on top of an already stressful situation where she’s separated from her father and the rest of her people in a world that’s still brand new to her and filled with as many dangers as wonders, etc. Kipo again has angst, or is reasonably upset over the whole thing when Wolf realizes she seems to be part mute and seemingly lied about it, and apparently rejects her for it; Kipo pours out her sadness and frustration and emotional turmoil to Jamack, who comforts her, and of course Jamack couldn’t comfort her if Kipo wasn’t upset or had angst and an identity crisis.

Kipo’s not automatically a cheerful sunflower all the time. She’s largely positive because she makes a concentrated effort to be (for example, Kipo does seem tired and ready to leave Jamack, but she decides to go back for him). Kipo’s an actual character with feelings and should be allowed to experience all emotions, even angst, because she should be allowed to get upset.

The only “refreshing,” actually different thing about this is the order--Kipo freaked out and had an identity crisis and angst when she got signs of an extreme change in her body before she learned the truth behind why this was happening.

I’d argue Kipo’s reaction is more about being so relieved to finally get some kind of answer for why her body’s been physically changing that she doesn’t try to challenge it too much, and that she’s also in denial about the gravity of the situation when she gets the revelation about what her parents did to her, and she also ends up pressured by time crunch/emergencies and just pushes her actual feelings over this aside because there’s no time. Kipo learns what her parents did to her, and then has a like a week to save her dad and her people before Scarlemagne’s coronation. Kipo really doesn’t have time to fully process the revelation; she has to focus more on using her mega mute jaguar powers for the practical use of saving her father and people, not actually take the time to really consider how she really feels about them and what her parents did to her.

And even when she’s just focused on practically using her mega mute jaguar powers, Kipo is in fact stressing and angsting over it. She may say she’s fine and express enthusiasm for her mega mute jaguar abilities and act impressed with what her parents did, but her mega mute jaguar abilities do adversely affect her whether she directly admits it or not. In the Deatherstalker episode, Kipo does show signs of the emotional pressure her mega mute status has put on her; with these mega mute powers, she has the power to help her dad and her people, so she keenly feels she has to, she feels responsible for this and probably feels that there’s no one else she can really turn to fully take this burden (of course she loves her dad and people and wants to protect them, and of course this is an all ages show with a number of kid protagonists, but still, she just turned 13, and lived a pretty normal, safe Burrow life until her home was attacked), and she stresses over suddenly being asked to successfully do a thing she’s never done before; Kipo gets super freaked out when her mega mute powers accidentally hurt Benson; and of course the Chevre Sisters have warned Kipo that she can lose her mind if she fully transforms, and much of the season is devoted to making sure that doesn’t happen. And later Kipo gets a concrete example of that threat when she learns her mother has been entirely absent in her life because she’s lost her mind to a mega mute transformation for 13 years and was also under Emilia’s control. (And while this probably needs its own post, to sum up: a lot of this is also again Song and Lio’s fault because of their experimenting, Song exposed herself to mutation, Emilia’s the worst but it doesn’t seem like she would weaponize Song if Song didn’t turn herself into a mega mute monkey susceptible to puppet pheromones torturously taken from Hugo.)

While it’s nice feeling like you’re seeing something new and refreshing, I feel like sometimes people fall into overly reactionary trends and don’t look at things on an individual basis or think of characters as their own individuals. Maybe people want to think it’s refreshing that Kipo’s not affected or not having angst over being a mute lab experiment due to her parents (but again, she has been affected by this) because they’re comparing this to other cartoons, but what about Kipo as a character herself and the show as its own story?

I also actually think the idea of Kipo getting upset over this makes more sense than many other cartoons and has much more impact, because her situation is actually really severe when you think about what the story’s done so far in terms of events.

I’ll probably do another separate “unpopular opinion” post on this, but to sum up: Lio and Song unnecessarily experimented on baby Kipo without her consent and pushed their own ambitions of “making the surface safe for humans” on her, also without her consent. It was canonically a dangerous experiment because they failed to realize Kipo could’ve lost her mind and been stuck as a mega mute, something that did happen to Song for 13 years; Song was accidentally mutated, and again the side effects were gravely underestimated because Song had a dramatic transformation where she not only lost her mind but destroyed the DNA Burrow, and Kipo could’ve been killed in that accidental rampage (and Hugo/Scarlemagne was literally scarred from it, he suffered literal physical damage from it--which also implies worse than injuries and physical scars could’ve happened).

I’ve read some people essentially say “well, not every cartoon has to get this emotional, it could just be cheerful,” and that just makes me think 1) then a cartoon should be written so that the more 24/7 cheerful tone fits, and 2) there are several cartoons you can already watch that don’t get so emotional. Just deal with the cartoons that do choose to be emotional, because cartoons can have a wide variety. 

And I don’t think KATAOW is the place to pull “oh haha she’s not affected by all this even though it’s super messed up because let’s be just different from others and not think about our own story and cast we’ve just gotta go against an apparent so-called trend without laying down the groundwork to actually support that reactionary rejection of an apparent so-called trend.”

And I do really hope and still think that on some level the show is actually gonna pull through and address this and do something really neat. Because while Kipo acts like she’s fine with what her parents did to her, again there was her severe freak-out in season 1 when faced with actual consequences of what they did and with no one to give her any explanation for what the hell was happening, and there are her struggles with her experimental mega mute jaguar side in season 2; and just as importantly, Wolf and Benson seem alarmed by what Lio and Song did. I think that’s critical. Even if Wolf and Benson aren’t explicit about it, it’s pretty clear that they look uncomfortable with what they learn from the Project Kipo notebook, even if they’re more focused on going along with Kipo’s cheer. I just feel like that will be followed up in season 3.

And it’s a 3-season show. Writers have said that they have told a complete story with the show over 3 seasons. I can imagine that in season 3 they’ll follow up on this in some way and better challenge what Lio and Song did and let Kipo finally freak out over what her parents did, as much as she freaked out by herself in season 1.

Because that also gets to me. As things stand now, Lio and Song have avoided the worst of the direct emotional fallout of what they did to Kipo. They did not get to see their daughter have a gradual meltdown over the sudden changes in her body, her confusion and emotional turmoil and fear that her friend-sister Wolf rejected her over the whole thing. Kipo’s only ever acted like “it’s fine” to them about it. And I find that really unfair, especially to Kipo. She should get to be upset, she should get to be upset with her parents and make them better realize the consequences of what they actually did to her. Lio and Song should also just deal with even more consequences. 

P.S. I also don’t really buy the half mute/half human as mixed race metaphor because it’s too deeply rooted in scientific experimentation on babies without any possible consent (and Kipo is already actually mixed race with a Black father and a Korean mother), and I have more thoughts on what it’s more about and its potential as a more unique story that’s specifically tied to the world of KATAOW, but I think that’s another post too.

[anditendshowyoudexpect]

Why do I feel like season 2 Anton is different from season 1? I always thought he was a big StolmAnna shipper. But then he proposed to her when Yakov was missing? And he’s a lot more annoying

because sometimes people change? season 2 is different from season 1 in general, less romantic and naive, more down-to-earth (well, for a supernatural frama) and grim. i get why it’s not to everybody’s liking. i keep reading that people don’t want their TV too realistic.

but people don’t change that much. i think Anton was always ambitious and not always kind and humble. remember their first meeting, when he didn’t know who Shtolman was? when he yelled at Shtolman for giving him advice about his investigation? i wonder why people tend to think s1 Anton was that perfect. he was just more of a puppy back then and followed the boss around, learning from him, admiring him, and, being a junior rank, didn’t get much chance to show his worse qualities.

so, then the boss disappears under more than suspicious circumstances, leaving behind Anton locked in a cell and a heartbroken girl he has had a massive crush on for a while (did you maybe miss him murmuring “i love you, Anna Viktorovna” at the end of s1? i don’t think he did love her though, infatuation maybe, a kind of worship - like the hero worship he had for Shtolman. i hope he will find it someday, probably with that new Mironova girl).

and now Anton is the boss himself, and the ex-boss comes back to shine again. Anton is not happy, he got used to being the alpha dog. he does things his way now, he even has his own network of informers, etc. 

on the personal side, Shtolman was more than just his boss - he was a mentor, a big brother figure, a friend. he didn’t just abandon Anna, he abandoned Anton too. there must be quite a bit of resentment there too, so it flares up occasionally because Anton can’t really pretend.

as for his proposal to Anna, i don’t think he really believed she’d accept (although he might have hoped, deep down), and it was more of an attempt to pull her out of depression. and i never saw him as a ShtolmAnna shipper, maybe a reluctant one at best. he just accepted in s1 that these two belonged together, and after seeing how much Anna suffered, he tries not to let that happen again, by doing and saying things that are not always... nice.

so, yes, Anton is more annoying this season. he’s supposed to be. but, while it may feel a bit overdone at times, most of it is still very much in character. he is a flawed human being, just like the rest of them.