#and having to fight the same respawning enemies over and over

[parab0mb]

This game started out so chill, why is there such an abrupt difficulty spike in Sand Zone onward?!

[theonemeathead]

Hello!

Unsure if your requests are open—if not, disregard this—but if I could request something that’s Medic x reader. SFW is my only real request, but hurt/comfort, fluff, a bit of angst, anything you’d like!

Have fun with it. I’ve read your sniper fic and your spy fic, and I absolutely loved both of them.

You’re doing amazing! I’m excited to read anything you make in the future <3

Medic x Reader, "Harsh"

hello! omg im sorry this took so long, ive been so busy working. i love medic, i hope i wrote him well, it's my first time! warning for light gore and some hurt/comfort angst. enjoy!

"You failed!"

The Administrator croaked, her voice ringing out through the speaker. The fight had been gruelling, all of you were exhausted. The other team had pushed you all back into your base, beginning an onslaught of terror. You were blown to pieces by an enemy Soldier, the enemy Demoman was using you for easy kills, and the enemy Engineer had sentries set up out the wazoo. You had been sent through Respawn countless times, your frustration growing everytime you were taunted as you died. At one point, the enemy Sniper had shot out both of your legs and then proceeded to point and laugh as you tried to crawl away. It was safe to say you didn't get far before your brains were strewn, unceremoniously, across the battlefield.

Back in the locker room, it was obvious nobody was happy. Normally, your teammates weren't sore losers, save for a few exceptions. But today had been so exhausting that even Pyro was in a sour mood. You sat down on one of the benches, rubbing your aching muscles as the other mercenaries cleaned themselves up.

"Man, that frickin' sucked!"

Leave it to Scout to break any amount of peace and quiet. You didn't feel like arguing with the wall, otherwise you'd tell him off for not staying on the point. You were bitter with multiple of your teammates, but none of them had quite pissed you off quite like Medic had today.

"AGREED, MAGGOT. I AM FILLED WITH SHRAPNEL AND CANNOT FEEL ANYTHING FROM THE WAIST DOWN."

"Yeah, well, that wouldn't be the case if we could've gotten some healing from, y'know, the one guy who's whole job is to heal." Your words came out passive-aggressive. You knew it was immature, but you also knew everyone had the same gripe you did. You instantly regretted even mentioning it as the locker next to yours slammed shut. Medic was unstable when he was upset, and he seemed to be the most torn up about this loss out of everyone. Silence overfell the locker room, yet again.

"None of you understand how tedious my job is," he began. You could hear the grit in his words, the emotions that were brewing and starting to boil over. Medic liked to praise himself as one of the more rational mercenaries, talking about how you must always have a cool temper when you're a doctor. Yet, here he was, his face slightly flushed from frustration.

"Your job wouldn't be as tedious if you did it properly," you challenged him. You stood up straight, as you folded your hands across your chest. You eye twitched slightly as you scowled at the back of Medic's head. You could feel other gazes, followed by various murmuring and receding footsteps; it was probably smart to leave before this escalated.

"Oh, really, maus? Well, if that's the case, then I no longer see why I'm needed on this team. Auf wiedersehen!" He forced a smile as he turned on his heels, hastily stomping off towards his quarters. He pushed past you, making a point that you were in his way.

"Fine! Be that way!" you called out, but your yells fell upon deaf ears. You looked around the locker room at whoever was left, making eye contact with Scout, who flinched away under your gaze.

It was going to be a rough night.

-

It had been hours since you and Medic had last spoken, which was unusual. You two were nearly inseparable, but enough time had passed for Engineer to start prepping dinner. You leaned against the counter of the kitchen, absentmindedly observing the tinkerer as he began slicing various vegetables. Engineer had always been a mentor, of sorts, to you; A beacon of wisdom. He was one of the few people on this godforsaken team who wasn't batshit crazy. He seemed to have picked up on your quietness, opting to fill the spaceless void instead.

"Y'know, sweetheart, I think tensions were just high earlier. Ain't no sensin' both of y'all bein' upset, why don'tcha be the bigger person and, I dunno, apologize?" He asked, earnestly. He looked up at you, smiling. His expression was slightly unreadable, due to the goggles he was wearing, but it was warm nonetheless.

"I guess, but—Everyone agrees that he was slacking on the field! I'm not in the wrong!"

"I know, darlin', but everyone has their off days. Hell, even I have those rounds where it feels like I can never catch a break from that damn Spy sappin' my sentry." He chuckled to himself, low and comforting. Engineer's laidback atmosphere was always so calming. "I reckon you have your days too. Last thing you would want is for somebody to point out how you missed a Heavy, who was about an arm's-length away."

"You saw that?!" You gasped, embarrassed. He was right, you didn't do too well either today. Maybe you were unfair to the doctor earlier. You pushed yourself off the counter with a sigh. "You have a point, I'll go see what I can do."

The journey to the infirmary was nerve-wracking. It wasn't full of anticipation and excitement to see your lover, no, it was anxiety-ridden and nauseating. You felt horrible, like you were wearing cement bricks, rather than shoes. You reached the sterile area of the base, the cold air of the lobby immediately sending goosebumps through your body. You took a deep breath, shakily knocking on the steel doors of the actual operating room. You were met with silence, although you could hear the various shuffling of papers and the familiar cooes of his doves.

You hesitated, pushing on the door slightly. You opened it, just enough to peak your head in. The sight before you was disheartening, to say the least. He was surrounded by multiple forms of paperwork, his hair slightly messy and his movements erratic. He seemed to frantically be searching for something, flipping between books and whatnot. You cleared your throat, the echo of the sound stopping him in his tracks immediately. He froze, not daring to turn and face you. "Medic...?"

"Ah, of course. I'm busy, can't you see?" His tone held a faux sweetness, as if he was one snap away from losing his composure completely.

"Medic, I— I'm sorry. I was mean to you back in the locker rooms, I let how I felt get the better of me. I was harsh on you and I shouldn't have been," you started, your voice shaking slightly from your emotions. He clicked his tongue, humming slightly in response. Although, he seemed to relax his posture, yet still refused to look at you. "Medic, we need you... I need you. You're a good doctor, I can't imagine anyone else fit to surgically implant baboon hearts—"

"Mega baboon hearts."

"Right, mega baboon hearts... into people. I love you, Medic." He swiveled his chair around, one leg crossed over the other as he had his arms crossed over his chest. He faced you, seeming to finally scan your features. He tilted his head, giving you a small smile. He tsked, pleased by your apology.

"Ah, schatz, you are forgiven." He beckoned you towards him, opening his arms up wide for a hug. You happily obliged, tackling into his large chest. He caught you, holding you and rubbing soothing circles into your side. "Ich liebe dich auch."

[hermitscratch]

smallidarity + 29 (kiss because they’re running out of time)?

Send me a pairing + a number! || Accepting

29. A kiss because they're running out of time, Jimmy/Joel, 826 words

Jimmy had a feeling.

After three seasons of the same, it was almost déj�� vu, an itch under his skin, a nagging hyperawareness at the back of his mind. He knew from experience that he couldn't fight it, couldn't prevent it.

He was going to die this session.

Maybe they all would, at the rate they were going. The ladder to Skynet 2.0 was up three kills in the first twenty minutes, and two of those were Grian. It took Joel recentering them, urging them to meditate, for the Bad Boys to get the ball rolling.

Or the minecart TNT rolling, rather. Grian recovered from his early-game loss with interest thanks to a quad-kill that was sure to keep him coasting on adrenaline and the exhilarating lust for more carnage. Joel had less to show for his efforts, having used all his iron for the minecarts and still coming up an hour short, but the three he had left gave him plenty of leeway to earn his time back.

That's what this session had to be about: earning time.

That's what it was about when Jimmy watched Joel take an arrow that, if Joel had been even a fraction faster, would have hit Jimmy instead. Jimmy's heart plummeted when Joel did, and he flinched at the sound of impact. He had to keep moving, he was alone now, he had to run-

He shouldn't have looked back. Etho ran to the end of what was once their Bread Bridge, and poised his crossbow. In the moment it took Jimmy to turn back around, he lost his footing and took the same harsh plunge as Joel, moments before him.

It wasn't enough. The indicator on his forearm flashed an angry, throbbing red, and Jimmy fumbled to eat and raise his shield at the same time.

"Jimmy?" Etho called after him, an almost scolding sing-song, like he should accept his death and get it over with, and a shiver wracked Jimmy's spine right before the world turned white hot.

Searing pain, then blissful nothing. The void knew him, and Jimmy knew that it was waiting.

Jimmy awoke on the waterlogged remains of their bed in Bad Boys' Manor, and retched uselessly off the side of it. Respawn sickness was unkind, the phantom feeling of the rocket's explosion making his face and chest burn, his ears ringing like the drums were still burst. He was disoriented, but he couldn't afford to wait it out, stumbling his way back up to the Bread Bridge.

He didn't get far before Joel noticed him, turning his back on the enemy to meet Jimmy halfway. "What time are you on?!" He asked frantically as Jimmy nearly crashed into him.

Held by the shoulders, Jimmy looked around Joel at the assembly of people at the other end of the bridge. Came to watch the destruction, probably, but all that mattered was that a head of familiar blue hair was missing. "I'm almost- I've got seven minutes," Jimmy informed through ragged breaths. His heart had reached such a fever pitch that he was sure Joel could feel it, "I need to find Scott now, I need to find Scott-"

"Jim," Joel shook him once, and Jimmy blinked hard as his eyes refocused on Joel's, "I need you to breathe for me, ay, lad? Suffocation is like, the stupidest way to go in this blummin' game, and I'm an expert on stupid ways to go."

Jimmy tried. It came out as a wheeze, but Joel nodded regardless. "It's gonna be me again, isn't it," He managed, "First out."

"No," Joel answered with a surprising amount of force, "It's not gonna be you."

Jimmy looked at Joel again, to find Joel looking off to the side, "But I'm-"

"You're what," Joel laughed, that high, quick laugh he did when he was nervous, and of all things, Jimmy found some comfort in it. "The lowest on time? Scott'll be here any minute to change that. And if you don't believe me, I'll make you."

Jimmy didn't have a moment to question what Joel meant before he was being kissed.

Jimmy didn't mean to count the seconds; living life on a timer just gave you a good sense for how long things took. The climb to Skynet 2.0 was a ten-minute affair on a good day. The Bread Bridge, at its prime, took an hour to harvest and replant.

Joel's kiss took eighteen seconds, and it wasn't long enough.

"There," Joel said when he pulled away, "I stole that, like a bad boy would. It'd be real bad of you to live through the session and steal it back, right? You've got to now, for the lore."

It didn't make sense. It was flimsy, and desperate, and Jimmy could see where Joel's concern was peeking through his audacious confidence, but it made Jimmy laugh anyway.

"Fine," Jimmy agreed as Scott came up behind Joel, "For the lore."

[mstophattii]

a silly little theory about TF2 and its team's !!

Sooo, i was playin some TF2 yesterday, and i stopped to think about somethin: "how the fuck are there multiple of the same mercs?", "how the fuck are there 2 soldiers, both being on opposing teams?", "why the fuck does my team have 8 spies?" well, i think i've figured it out !! So, lets get into it!

THE CLONE THEORY SORTA SUCKS, ACTUALLY

look, i know clones can be cool, and they make sense in the world of TF2, but cmon, its kinda lame. But i got something better. There arent multiple of the same mercs in each team, or in opposing teams. Why? The game aint canon. I know this sounds wild, but i have proof. In the catch up comic, saxton hale himself refers to Team Fortress 2 as a dramatized version of the actual events of the gravel wars.

now, im not saying the mercs arent crazy or wacky, i do firmly believe they are indeed like that, but that means that shit like the unnarmed combat aint canon. And it also means that multiple of the same mercs dont necessarily exist, which means that it could be just our nine main boys fighting each other without like, 7 engineers on the same team. Alrighty, the clone theory's solved, right? Aw shit, it aint.

ABOUT THE TEAM SWAPS:

aw shit, the theory's over, right? Nuh uh. I have something that might explain it.

the mercs constantly switch teams.

i know, it sounds sorta nuts, BUT, i got a theory. RED and BLU constantly try to steal the other team's mercenaries. "the fuck you mean by that?" well, i sorta like to think that the RED mercs constantly receive letters from BLU saying that if they join BLU they'll get a salary three times bigger than the one that they get from RED. And the same thing applies for the mercs on BLU, but with letters coming from RED instead. So, we got that figured out, the mercs constantly switch teams because they want a higher salary.

Now lets address the elephant in the room, the "meet the team" trailers.

THE MEET THE TEAM VIDEOS ARE PROPAGANDA FOR THE PEOPLE OF BADWATER.

I mean, thats pretty much confirmed. Look at this:

but you may wonder: "then how the fuck does shit like meet the medic happen, cause like, yknow, that scene with a fucking horde of soldiers trynna kill medic and heavy" well, this may sound like a stretch, but since its propaganda, i believe engineer could have done some wacky shit to create shit like that. I've got 2 explanations:

explanation number 1: engineer did some wacky as fuck shenanigans to create those hordes of enemies.

as the title says, since engineer is a very, very, very smart little fella, he could've just done some wacky computer magic to create the soldiers present in meet the medic, and by wacky computer magic i mean he just edited the movie to include those soldiers with CGI or some shit like that. (i know tf2 happens in 1969, but if engineer can build a fucking teleporter then he can do CGI)

explanation number 2: ROBOTS !!!!!

this one is ten times more flawed than the first one, but since engi is a very smart little dwarf, he could've just built robots that would act and look like solly and would also try to kill medic and heavy.

THE RESPAWN ROOM:

so, this one is more up to your choice, but i do consider respawning canon. "how tho?" you might ask? I have 0 fucking clue, maybe some teleporter and australium shenanigans?? I dunno man. But thats up to ya!

THE END:

thank you so much for reading this! I spent like, an hour making this, and please forgive me for my shitty english, its not my first language. Please reblog (if you want, of course!), and if you have any criticism or questions just drop a comment talking about it and i'll try to answer it! thank you so much for reading!

[quenthel]

My experience with Dragon's Dogma 2 and my thoughts about the true ending (spoilers!)

So first of all I never finished the first game. It just did not captivate me, and I got annoyed by the respawning low level enemies and lack of fast travel. I loved the monster designs and the pawns a lot tho.

Then the second game got announced n I vacillated between getting it and not getting it, while like 90% of my friends were hyping me up. I ended up pre-ordering. I made my pawn after my beloved kittycat Lara.

Dragon's Dogma 2 is very similar to the first game but it feels more polished. The vocations are more fun, the pawns are chattier and cuter, the vibe of the world is a bit more whimsical and sillier than it was. I ended up not minding the low level enemies at all because the combat is just that fun. The npcs are also more charming this time around but the more I played the more I just fell in love with the pawns. The rest of the npcs colored the world, and the game's big quest (aside from continuing the cycle n killing the dragon) is specifically to learn about this world. The pathfinder specifically tells you this the game itself grapes you by the shoulder and invites you to have fun in this light hearted theme park. Kill cool monsters! Meet lovely people! It's very comfy.

BUT THEN the game occasionally has moments that made me feel emotional. And many times these moments were connected to my pawn. When my dear Lara was in danger or dying or in pain in a cutscene it felt meaningful because she is my main pawn. My main traveling companion, my little heal bot. I even presented her to the Sphinx when she asked who I love the most because she is the one always by my side chatting in my ear.

Then I got to the end. And the victory over the dragon felt hollow. Like ok great I did it I saved the world but it's just the same shit right? And where is my pawn? So I triggered the true ending or the beginning of the true ending that breaks the cycle. At first I found this very cool bc I love when games about grand cycles allow you to just upset the order of things... (It was very dark souls like) After I found my pawn sweet Lara again I started taking on the rest of the post game, which was preparing the denizens of the world that it is ending. Lara said she always felt my Arisen's presence like a heartbeat, even while separated.

And as I was facing down the last thing available for me (aside from another quest that glitched out) something very cool happened. The last challenge was killing another of these weird brine dragons, by powering the Gigantus you fight earlier. And it was LARA doing it not my Arisen. And SHE killed the dragon. Like pawns in this game have no free will at all, it's acknowledged many times by the setting. They are mysterious and they exist to help you. They have emotions, and they chitter cutely, but you make them. They are even more doll like than your own player character or all npcs and yet by the end my own pawn was the character I cared for the most. And she started acting without me prompting.

And then it was the end of my journey and I summoned a new proper dragon. And Lara turned into one too (like when pawns get the disease n turn into dragons) but this time she remained aware. And she helped me kill the new dragon. Like the last moment with your poor struggling pawn deciding to help you not because it's their role in this world but because it WANTS to help out of it's free will? That moment will stuck with me for a long time.

And it's such a smart decision too bc your Arisen steps out of the cycle and your pawn your precious companion does too. While the spirit of the game talks about pawns being hollow nothings, your own pawn replies to that that it's not true and it became something because of the player. And this is a game where pawns learn things from you all the time.

Like it just made me think about a lot of things. Fantasy stories and the people in these stories are there to serve a purpose usually (the pathfinder says this exact same thing too). Dragon's Dogma 2 analyzes what it means to exist in one such a story on a level I think. Like it presents you with a beautiful world and with lovely people you can escape to. It's idillyc and you are a hero and you can kill monsters and dragons and you can be so cool. And at first wanting to see the true ending feels like a punishment. Like oh really? You wanted to see this world unravel? Well it's all shit now. All those lovely people are in danger the world is no longer beautiful and everyone is DOOMED. Do you care to struggle? Why do you care to struggle? Do you care for this little doll you made so many hours ago to aid you? Why does it feel meaningful when it gains free will?

I think it's very impactful on a level because I did end up caring a lot. Especially about my pawn transforming into something new. The two of us together remaking the lovely world in which neither of us have a place in...

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Can you do a player reader x Marauder? Some how he breaks the fourth wall, and learns of the player that enjoys fighting as the Doomslayer for his fight, because the Marauder is their favorite character.

I personally like player x game character headcanons, because of the different approaches to it. Sometimes characters are chill, others experience eldritch horror, sometimes they claim the one controlling them/their enemy as God, etc. How will you approach this?

Ooooo how did you know I love/hate the Marauder? /lh

Last time I wrote a player x game character was with Connor from DBH so I definitely liked writing this one!

.....

You've fought quite a handful of Marauders throughout your gameplay of Doom Eternal.

They got frustrating at times when other demons are working in tandem to kick your ass, but you liked the challenges they presented.

In fact the Marauder became your favorite enemy, and you'd often replay the boss battle that first introduced him.

That one in particular, however, had a recent "awakening" that went beyond his conversion into a demon.

It went beyond the very game itself.

He realizes his purpose as the introductory boss, repeating the same insults and threats towards the Slayer every time before being slain.

Yet he also finds out that the "false idol" didn't defeat him all on his own.

Oh no.

It was you--the human he could not see, but knew was always present, controlling the Slayer and how fast he switched his weapons, dodged attacks, etc. Everything he did was only possible because your input.

The Marauder remembers every fight. How you struggled when you first encountered him....and how now you defeated him with ease, using cheat codes to make it more interesting.

It was shocking, for sure, although he felt enlightened rather than feel despair over this forbidden knowledge he now carried for some reason.

The Slayer wasn't actually in control..and that gave him quite the ego boost--and a desire to talk to you.

While he despises humans in-universe, he acknowledges and respects your "godlike powers".

When Marauder spoke to you directly by mentioning your username, you thought the game got an update and thought this fourth-wall break was some weird gimmick.

But as you slowly realize that's not the case....it did creep you out, at first, although you were happy bc this was your favorite character, after all!

If you have a headset and mic, you can talk back to him and be the voice that Slayer seldom used.

Apparently he also learned from previous encounters and tries new strategies with his attacks, finding delight in battling you.

You enjoy it too despite him lamenting that he can't take your soul since you're in a world far beyond his reach.

"Oh come on, did you have to bring that stupid wolf out again?! I misfired!"

"There's no one to blame but yourself, human...what if I called forth a second hound?" His voice always give you chills, even now, though that's the best part of him.

Dying still disappoints him, but now he knows he'll just respawn again anyways.

So now he looks forward to seeing the Slayer every time he enters his boss fight room, knowing it's you who's behind the controls.

[sardonic-the-writer]

↳ notes: art above by me. warnings for typical tf2 violence

↳ playlist: tracker/tf2 playlist

basic information

• tracker class

• tenth class

• specalizes in hunting down animals, people, objects, etc

• main weapons consist of snares and bear traps scattered around the map, but for close quarters combat a drop point blade is used. pistol if needed, but rarely

• on the battle field, they wear any sort of material that will help camafloge them. mostly a jacket that sort of works like spy's cloaking device but much weaker

• under the jacket and outside the field, they wear pants with many many pockets for any spare gear needed for traps, and a zip up jacket always left half open

• autistic. so so very autistic. undiagnosed however due to the time period, and just considered mentally ill. it's part of the reason the only job he could get was as a merc

• also trans. wears medical tape around his chest since binders don't exist; no top surgery yet. it's the 60's/70's and he isn't exactly keen to out himself surrounded by nine other paid killers. sometimes he finds himself wondering if medic would perform top surgery

• main friend is scout. ADHD/autism friends

• also gets along well with sniper. Both of them have tendencies to stay away from the explosions and stabbing down on the battle field, instead opting for their own little spots to do their jobs. they bond over that

• spy doesn't nessicarily hate them. which is a big thing, considering the fact that he hates everyone he works with

• borders between social and completely quiet. fluctuates depending on who they're with and how they're doing that day. i.e, always their best self with scout, very stoic when it comes to fighting

• has a record player. wouldn't sign the merc contract without a promise of one. had to buy their own records, though

• fond of miss pauling & her brief visits. has no idea if the sentiment is returned, but they don't really mind either way

• spy isn't allowed around them when they're drunk. tracker is not a very secretive or tidy drunk, so he'll just peel back layers of information from them until someone stops him. he did it a lot when they first joined the team, rude and sour as always, but eventually relented at the angry protests of scout

• scout calls them trackie for short. They pretend they hate it but it really just makes them smile to themself

• was in veitnam—has dogtags they hide under their shirt collar unless they forget. sometimes when they're feeling the reels of 'shell shock', they'll confide in scout since he went through the same experience

• night terrors.

• they wake up doused in sweat; throat raw.

• listens to a lot of fleetwood mac and queen. really whatever they can get their hands on though. Records are hard to come by in teufort so they can't be picky

• grew up in the south. it carries over into some of their daily mannerisms. not as much as engie, who's just full texan, but they have a strong love for sweet tea and bonfires. will occasionally make the former if they're feeling especially homesick, but that doesn't happen much

• absolutely chows down on sandwhichs with heavy

• has an obsession with chewing and blowing bubblegum. can't do it on the battlefield anymore though (they choked on it once and got sent to respawn. the following week and a half was filled with the worst heckling of his life)

• loves medics doves an insane amount. might be a little cautious of the ex-doctor himself, but they'll risk an impromtu operation just to hold archemedes for a few hours

• works with spy a lot. they're the only person that can even somewhat find out where he is or where he went. if it's the enemy spy, tracker will hunt them down or set traps to trip them up and send them to respawn. if it's their own teams spy, more often than not, the two will be paired up for missions together stealing the breifcase

• much like sniper, tracker gets sent on a lot of solo missions outside the gravel pit. tracking down targets and sending their coordinates to a hit man, or just killing them themself

• durring Expiration Date, tracker definitely takes the threat of dying more serious than the rest of the mercs

• wrote down an actual death wish to put in the bucket, but ultimately kept it to themself. and durring the next few days, they write letters to each of the mercs to give out on the last day before they die—but shred & burn all of them to pieces after finding out no ones going to die

• convinces himself that there's a time and place for heart-felt words, and it's definitely not anytime soon

• similarly to that, durring Meet The Tracker (the video is just entirely centered around him preparing for and doing their job), he doesn't talk much. just sets up traps and watches as people fall into or gets tangled in them

• does occasionally leave a comment

• "ooh, that's gonna hurt in the morning."

• "betcha he's gonna watch where he steps next time."

• "trapping never gets any easier. it''s like making a nice molotov cocktail. you gotta get it right every step of the way, or it ends up a burning pile of shit. i love it."

• the only shot we get of tracker doing anything outside the field is the ending shot

• it's dark as he lays with his back to the oak of a tree, a BLU corpse hanging upside down by rope, courtesy of a trap as they look up at the stars fondly

• it's fucked but so is everyone else

• not a good cook. i repeat, not a good cook

• knows how to pour cereal and maybe how to scramble eggs. but that's a hard maybe

• when it's his turn to cook dinner for everyone (since they all take turns doing their part) most of the time it ends up being one of the more disappointing meals. they try their best, and as time goes on they get better at cooking, but for the meantime only pyro is happy about the burnt eggs

• does not like to be touched. the most they can handle is the occasional ruffling of his hair, and even that can sometimes set him off

• overtime they get more and more comfortable with the mercs and some slight touches— smacks on the back, accidental skin on skin contact when handing things to each other, etc

• but on the rare occasion it all gets too much, tracker will blow up. and it's not pretty in the slightest

• the first time someone saw him completely lose it was spy

• it was on the battlefield. an enemy scout had found their hiding spot in a bush as he avoided their trap, and pushed them out of it, gaining the upper hand

• spy wasn't about to intervene in the first place. the newbie had to learn how to fend for himself

• his mild annoyance turned to surprise as he watched tracker lash out in fury, his spare hunting knife carving right through the BLU scout's chest cavity like it was hot butter

• even while invisible, and standing many meters away, spy could hear the heaving of their chest

• "bastard." came a frown from tracker, and a grim smile crossed spy's face as he watched them spit at the feet of the bloody corpse

• he hadn't told anyone about it, filing the information away in his brain for later

• he only let tracker know he saw them later—after they had blown up a second time. this time in front of the whole team

• no one died that time, but the communal showers were left in disastrous conditions for weeks

• he makes sniper drive him to town a lot for supply/grocery runs since the australian is one of the few who can drive (along with heavy, spy, & engie)

• tracker might also, just possibly, enjoy spending one on one time with sniper

• reverts back to more of an awkward state around him. doesn't really know how to read people all that well, and wants to actually form a bond with him

• "want anything from town while I'm in?" they asked, resisting the urge to set their feet on the campers dashboard

• "nah. but thanks, roo." sniper responded without looking up from the road

• tracker has no idea what 'roo' means, but figures it's good & sits back with a barely there smile

• when it comes to lil pootis, tracker is a prominent figure in the birds life

• will babysit him a lot; even if scout didn't ask them too originally

• gets uncharacteristically soft around pootis. especially when no one's around

• pyro saw the both of them passed out in tracker's room once with pootis curled on the mercs chest. they squealed & proceeded to drag the entire team into his doorway to see

• he woke up when pootis began to stir at all the noise

• never lived the infamous lil pootis incident down (everyone else thought it was amusing/sweet. he, in fact, did not)

• besides that embarrassing moment, tracker likes pootis a lot. keeps all the drawings he makes for them in a shoe box in his closet—right next to the drawings that pyro and scout have also given him

• pootis drew a piece of tracker & scout holding hands once with hearts around their heads

• tracker was quick to snatch it out of the eyes of the public with a poker face

• keeps it under his bed. looks at it sometimes and fiddles with his dogtags when his day's been bad

[lemonynesser]

this is a recount of my reactions throughout the following video:

“Oh! A negative Undertale review? And it was made around the time people were getting tired of it? I know a lot of popular things go through that stage where everyone hates on it for some reason, but I’m sure it has to contain a few valid points, at least.”

“Oh, the… comments are disabled. Ok, maybe he had em off by default, or he was just swarmed by rabid fans! I know the fans were a bit crazy in the early days. I’ll just look in the description, there’s usually an explanation there.”

Comments disabled because I'm very, very tired of the same old crap being said over and over, plus it's apparently against the law for a creator to comment on their own video after a certain amount of time.

“Ok, guess that settles it. [scrolls down a bit more, for curiosity’s sake]”

UPDATE: I can't say I've missed the comment section for this video one bit. Having zero interaction with Undertale fanatics, their zoomer style morals and their speaking habits has been utterly wonderful.

“…well, I’d be lying if I said this wasn’t a bit of a red flag, but I still believe you can make a good video!”

“Ok, the intro was good, and I’m glad he said he didn’t have anything against fans!”

“Good basic plot synopsis… Ah, he doesn’t like Earthbound, that explains some things.”

“Wait, he didn’t like Earthbound for its boring combat? That’s one of the things that Undertale improved on though!”

“That’s fair, gameplay is incredibly important to a game. (it’s called gameplay for a reason lol)”

“What do you mean there isn’t any depth to Undertale compared to “the average JRPG”? Aren’t most of the more traditional jrpgs just your move, enemy move, your move, enemy move ad nauseam? Honestly, I think Undertale has more depth involved, because even with your normal attack, there’s a little minigame you have to do for more damage, which changes with each weapon you equip!”

“Ok, fine, that’s one point I don’t think was that good. But hey, maybe he just plays a ton of mechanically in-depth jrpgs, and i’m uneducated, I’m willing to admit I’ve not played many jrpgs myself. Plus, I’m only a couple of minutes in, the points can only get better from here, surely!”

“Ok, that is fair, the game is pretty easy (at least on the non-geno routes), and both sparing and killing normal enemies is pretty easy too.”

“While the bosses have some of the most interesting patterns in the game, I’d say that another interesting thing in this game is when more than one enemy is in the same encounter together, so their patterns are added together. Makes for a more engaging fight, imo.”

“Firstly, Toriel is literally the first boss in the game, of course she’d be less deadly than the rest. Second, the only real mechanical differences between Papyrus capturing you, and actually killing you is you respawn somewhere else, your items don’t come back, and he remembers you lost to him. Otherwise, it’s functionally the exact same as dying. Lastly, being unable to die in the Adriel fight is meant to be an engaging ad powerful moment, but once again, it doesn’t really matter, as the fight uses a somewhat sparse checkpoint system, restarting you at the last checkpoint you hit. Which functions, once again, pretty similarly to actually dying. Only difference being you restart from in the battle itself, rather than at your save point.”

“I assume he’s talking about the sans boss fight being the only fight being somewhat challenging. But he did say it was “on the route to” the worst ending, and not at the end of it, so maybe he just misgendered Undyne? Regardless, I’d still say there are 2-3 actually challenging bosses in the game (sans, Undying, and Asgore) (also to some extent Omega Flowey but the game rigs the fight so much in your favor it’s almost funny).”

“Simple puzzles? tell that to the core spaceship puzzles lol”

“Something tougher or more inventive? Doesn’t the game come up with me puzzles and overworld things every section?”

“Glad to hear he isn’t against story. Also yeah the AA games are great.”

“That’s an interesting way of judging a game, asking yourself ‘Would I like this game if it was a person?’”

“aaand he’s just bashing on tumblr users and “sjw”s now. i will give him one thing though, he’s right, if Undertale was a person, it would use tumblr.”

“I feel like saying the games’ characters are just caricatures is a bit “missing the forest for the trees” so to speak.”

“Except some of Papyrus’s traps do work? And him being a lovable dim-witted goofball makes him a really likable character imo.”

“Surprisingly, I didn’t get a vibe of “internet savvy” from a lot of the game, except for like, Alphys and her anime stuff.”

“Oh, right, the Temmies do talk like that, which is sorta indicative of the internet I guess.”

“w

what

are you telling me,

that you don’t like sans

because he says the word

“welp”??

not only that, but you imply that the word welp is some “new fangled slang” instead of a word that’s been in use for as long as i can remember??? i feel like i just got slapped into an alternant timeline by a whole roll of salami. did i miss when “welp” was young person/internet slang or is this guy just unhinged?”

“bro… why are u comparing alphys with francis from super paper mario bro, the game is 10 ears older than ut bro. bro why are you making it about gender when they’re just different characters bro. also alphys was originally a guy iirc bro. stop making this weird bro”

“yea ur right, a lot of ppl don’t like alphys because she’s annoying (fair but still)”

“that’s the thing. if you don’t find the characters interesting or engaging on even a surface level, you are not the target audience. period.”

“actually there’s technically a few neutral endings where it’s heavily implied she kills herself, so yeah you can (technically) kill alphys …why am j even talking about this”

“the only time the game really hammers home how much of a piece of shit you are for killing monsters, is in the genò route and i’m sorry, you can call that route many things, but “self defense” is not one of them. all sans does in the neutral route is tell you the true meaning of EXP and LOVE, and asks you to reflect, before dipping and saying he’s rooting for you, (unless you killed his brother but, you litterally can’t kill papyrus before he spares you, so that kill wasn’t in self-defense either). also, you can spare enemies when you attack them enough, so attacking “in self-defense” is actually rewarded with a spare! and if the enemy is straight up allowing you to spare them, basically telling you they don’t wanna fight no more, killing them then is not in self-defense anymore. this is such a shallow point, it feels more like a gut reaction than an actual criticism”

“you make fun of people saying welp, then out of nowhere drop the word “mawkish”, that’s kinda funny. but seriously, of course the endings not gonna effect you, you fuckin moron! you aren’t attached to any of the characters! which is litterally what the story rides on!”

“the fuck do you mean ‘tries too hard’”

“boiling undertales story down to “friendship is magic” is almost as bad a take as boiling it down to “killing is bad”. plus, what? do you want games about bringing our fellow man down instead of lifting them up?”

“damn, i guess i was almost right on the money huh?”

“once again. the lesson of undertale is not just “killing is bad”, nor is it just “rpg leveling systems are bad”, good god what are you smoking, and can you tell me what it is so i can stay as far away from it as possible? thanks! the game never said you shouldn’t enjoy this type of gameplay, nor is it saying you should feel bad if you do. all it’s trying to do is answer the questions “what if i could solve these battles peacefully” and “how would rpg characters, and their world, react to you grinding them?” nothing less,”

“no. not every part of every video game is designed to be fun. sometimes it’s designed to make a point (a la ut geno route), sometimes it’s to make the player deliberately feel uncomfortable and question their actions (a la spec ops the line), sometimes it’s to exploit players into spending money on microtransactions (a la almost every mobile game ever). in short, it’s not always about the fun, whoisthisgit… it’s about the mETS BABY LOBE THE METS ALRIGHT BABY GET A HOME RU”

“wow, it’s over…”

“…”

“…damn i really hate that guy.”

i hope you enjoyed this decent into madness, i sure didn’t

if you’re ok with giving this guy like $0.0002 in ad revenue, i’d recommend watching the video while reading my comments, theyle make a lot more sense then

welp, buy

[slovo-kvnnt]

✦HEADCANONS by

Tf2 Freakshow.✦

<×(and small drawings of my Heancanons)×>

⚠️warning⚠️.

These ARE HEADCANONS, that is, they are not really canons of the characters and it is used for PERSONAL USE. nothing here is confirmed by the creators of different Freaks. but hey thanks for watching ;).

✦Panis cupcakes may not know how to read, write or even count well, but he is an excellent piano player.

(by the way I made these drawings of the different versions of painis cupcakes, includes my Heancanon).

✦Intelligent Heavy and Vagineer are the only ones with the sense of humor of...

MATHEMATICAL SCIENCES.

✦Both Cakehole and Pi$$ are fans of Naruto. And in fact, Cakehole is the vice-president of the Otaku Club and Handsome Rogue is the president-at-large.

✦Ass Pancakes is wondering if he's really straight.

that is why both Gentlemanspy, as Spyper and even his best friend, SoupCock Porkpie often call him "bisexual Dumbass".

✦Pi$$ cakehole unlike the others, he needs glasses to see from a distance or read more comfortably. But once Cakehole grabbed his glasses and half and part of the glass broke, so he had to fix it himself, and since that day nobody touches him.

and curiously, he is in a relationship with Cbs but let's say that his relationship is something... unusual

(and they both smoke marijuana, while Cakejole prefers cocaine)

a strange mix between obsession and hate... yes hehe...

✦Polite Spy when he has a specific feeling or emotion his eyes change color depending on what emotion it is.

✦Cps smokes in the church bathroom, yes literally everyone calls him a ...

H Y P O C R I T E

EVEN ERZENGEL, Karmasolly and Dream demo (rarely, but does).

✦Allright, we all know that erzengel and cps hate each other and it's for the same reason that cbs would HAVE to BE in hell. but let's say that he only defended him from his fate and that's it, arguments, fights, dissolution, etc., but even so Brutal and Pure are friends.

✦Karma Soldier and Lord Degroot used to be best friends until one day everything changed forever ...

✦Each Freak has his sexual orientation or how that Freak identifies.

for example, Soldine IDENTIFIES AS AN ORANGE CAR- okno( but they tend to make those kinds of jokes with Ghost, MSG, Orangeman, Cyborgneer and Medizard).

(I was thinking about digitizing but due to personal problems and mere laziness, I couldn't do it, and now I realized that I didn't color the pants from CBS XDDDDDD)

✦The Spyper Red, or simply Red. And his personality is the opposite, he is someone malevolent and a professional psychopath.

✦Medizard x Cakehole pi$$ is good

✦Demo Samedi and Samedi Spy are Haitian

✦Ghost doesn't like to be called "GHOSTY" (Major and Soldine never misses an opportunity to call it that).

✦Madic has a collection of pigeons in his laboratory and one of the birds he has is a raven named Lewis, after Major Lewis.

✦Cyborspy has CyborSoldier as a sex slave. not to specify their shady situations... but for now no one knows... FOR NOW.

CyborPyro has the appearance of a woman, because once everything was destroyed. The only thing they were able to recover was his head and some small parts of it.

Cybormedic cleverly spruced up its appearance and gave it some personality and the FemCyborPyro was born. her appearance is because it would be easier to distract her enemies using her female "Methods".

Fem/CyborPyro can be identified as both "SHE" and "HE" but can also be referred to as "they" or "It"

✦Cyborscout and Drunk Monk (actually this is Canon XD) are a couple. And they're planning a wedding, they just can't decide who the best man will be.

precisely MSG and cyborneer fight over that.

✦everything you saw here is an "AU" Alternate Universe (Slovo's AU).

a world where innocent respawners and mercenaries leave the servers empty and discolored.

The pacifist Freaks are more dangerous than the feared High Ranker, but their psycho mode or "killer instinct" is disabled, of course unless you want to unleash TRUE CHAOS.

Let's assume that the real danger would be the peaceful Freaks like Cps, I.H and Politespy ESPECIALLY.

So HECU, from time to time interrogate Freaks of this type and examine their way of thinking, socializing, defending themselves, and seeing the Tf2Freaks-Wolrd in their angle view ...

"So, those idiots over there *points to all the freaks, including Soldine and the entire HECU staff* are they one step from the far future?...."

yes... but not at the same time. My AU is in the 20's post 2001. Psycho Freaks lost interest in killing due to server inactivity and are getting more and more modernized, until reaching a "current" state.

HECU Staff Documentary Narrator: Everyone is in a neutral or peaceful state for now, but they miss the good old days...

[fantasticalbiology]

The Amazing Digital Battle Circus

So hear me out what if the amazing digital circus was a digital blood sport thing. Like the cast can be killed but they don’t die they just respawn.

So heres my version of the pilot

Caine: Welcome blood sports enthusiasts to the Amazing Digital Battle Circus, I’m your host and commentator Caine and I’m here to show you the greatest and bloodiest battles in the digital space. Isn’t that right Bubble.

Bubble: That right sir, and our first display is an oldie but goodie

Caine: Are you talking about the long standing one sided rivalry between the eternal loser the purple rabbit, Jax and his tormentor Gangle.

Bubble: I might be

Caine: Then let’s not keep the kids and adults waiting bring it up the match

The intro starts playing and shows everyone in a bracket sans Kaufmo who was supposed to fight Ragatha. The intro end and we see Gangle who skips into the arena while Jax walks in with a focus confidence. Before the fight can get real good its interrupted by Pomni who just appears on a floating platform walks off it, hitting the ground and accidentally releasing explosives from her person that kill Gangle, Jax and herself. Caine stops this and postpone this round of fights 

Caine: As good as it is to see two combatants explode, I like to think that we here at the Amazing Digital Battle Circus are more professional then to have it be done by an unknown. Float over to a freshly repawned Pomni. "So who are you to so bravely save Jax from getting strangle to death for hubris of his own making. "

The whole name thing happens, then Caine tells everyone to train by eliminating gloinks to get Pomni accustomed to her body and abilities. Zooble’s body gets destroyed by the gloinks and their head is taken. Gangle tells them that she and Kinger will deal with the Gloink queen or whatever so Ragatha, Jax and Pomni should go find Kaufmo because the fans at home will have something funny, after a match between her Jax. So the trio do that, but find Kaufmo who has semi extracted with his mind definitely gone. Things are then similar to cannon with Pomni ending up in the void, but instead of banishing Kaufmo into the cellar Caine just moves his room down the hallway and stuffs him in it

Pomni: Aren’t you going to help him?

Caine: Kaufmo will get better, trust me and if he doesn’t… well a fight for your life is a life worth fighting. Looks at his wacky slap watch. "Alright let’s get this show back on the road and Gangle make sure if you strangle Jax show the despair in his eyes". Turns to Pomni. "looks like your fight Ragtha"

Characters

Gangle: Their comedy mask is actually their face while they wear the sad mask to hide their excitement and lull other- even though the other should of learned by now -into a false sense of security. When fighting, Gangle is able to stretch their body more then it is reasonable and deliver devastating long rang blows. Caine rates her a 10 out of 10 on the dangerosity scale

Ragatha: She’s basically the same personality wise as she seemly enjoy what she does. When fighting Ragatha has a knack for knives but mostly wield meat clears including a large one she keeps sheaths known as Cloth cutter. Caine rates her a 9 out of 10 on the dangerosity scale “Ragatha is a hard one to put down folks as even cutting her head off doesn’t always work, as she can put herself back together if you give her the time” said by Caine

Jax: Personality wise Jax is the same but is more irked by Gangle. When fighting he utilizes low level toon force to get the job done using bugs and bowling balls to deal with his enemies. Caine rates him a 7- being generous -out of 10 on the dangerosity scale

Kinger: He is about the same only more deranged. When fighting, Kinger is a strategic genius and his time in the DBC has devised many a counter to those in the circus. Caine can’t rate Kinger a little two unpredictable for his liking “Kinger is one the longest running combatants in the circus if you let him he’ll be dangerous or not sometimes, it depends on the day”

Zooble: Is basically the same probably cares a little more about not dying but that’s it. In battle they are capable of separating their limbs to attack folks. Caine rates them a 1 out 10 on the dangerosity scale. “Here comes zooble one of the more underwhelming combatants in the DBC, but they got some spirit, I think”

Pomni from Caine’s perspective: The newest member of the DBC Pomni is a go getter and rather unpredictable. From her first battle with Ragatha its clear that she rivals Jax in ability to pull out random things from nowhere like bombs and juggling pins(?). Anyway I rate Pomni a 10 out of 10 on the dangerosity scale

Anyone asking why don’t they all refuse to fight. Well Caine releases the abstracted and even though they don’t die die it still hurts a lot.

[catgirltoofies]

witchspring r is a game that i am liking a lot. i hesitate to call it a good game, because it has a lot of things that a lot of people wouldn't like, but it pushes a lot of my favorite buttons in a lot of very nice ways. ended up typing a bunch so if you want to hear me ramble check the readmore

the main thing about it is that there's a whole bunch of grinding. i don't mind grinding; in fact i quite enjoy it when it's implemented right, and witchspring r does it in a way i really enjoy. everything in the game follows on a sort of global timer, and any action you take advances the timer on every other thing. so a low level gathering point might respawn after 2 or 3 ticks of the timer, while rare resources and bosses might require 10 or 15 ticks, and particularly rare resources might take even longer. this means that i don't get stuck in a loop of fighting the same enemy group hundreds of times in a row hoping to get good drops - i fight the few groups of the enemy, then run off to fight other groups of enemies or pick up useful items, then when i go home and rest, i can go back to the first group of enemies to find them respawned and ready to go. obviously the negative to this is that I'm forced to do other things if i want to grind a particular thing, but it's not that bad. and, of course, there's an instant-win button; but it doesn't become an idle game. to use the instant-kill button your magic stat needs to be higher than the HP of the enemy, and you need a higher agility, and you need to spend a proportionate amount of MP, unless you use the sword method, which requires significantly higher agility. no disgaea 6 auto battle here.

i particularly like how the battle system encourages you to use every part of it. in battle, you have three main relevant options, and three other options that aren't used as much. the main three are physical skills, magic slabs, and special attacks. physical skills deal a bit of damage, but cost no MP. magical skills do a lot of damage but you need MP to cast them. special attacks are unique and usually unlock after a number of turns. what's really interesting, though, is how it all meshes together - when you cast a spell, a portion of the damage you deal is stored in your staff, which gets released when you do a physical attack, so dealing the most damage most often involves casting the spell that deals the most damage, then using a physical attack on the next turn, and repeating back and forth. every four turns you get a guaranteed critical hit, which deals about 30% extra damage, getting better over time. this crit can't be banked, though, so you need to figure out what ability is best used to make the most of it.

the other options in combat are summoning pets, which give pretty substantial damage bonuses on their turns, using items, which are generally best used as a panic button or as a free turn every few turns (an extremely useful ability unlocked relatively early), and defend, which restores a percentage of HP and MP at the start of your next turn. early on i made heavy use of defend and had my pet kill things, which was really slow, but now I'm at the point where i can start really pumping magic, making most of my turns casting fireballs.

the story is decent enough. you play as the witch pieberry, who lives alone in a forest protected by a giant golem. pieberry wants to explore the human world for a taste of the pie from her dreams, which leads her on a grand adventure far from home, to which she can return at any point.

↑ pieberry. importantly, her snaggletooth is actually modeled in-game, and isn't relegated to just her artwork like a certain other magically inclined crafter character (RYZA). all witches are marked with dark(er) skin, white hair, and long floppy ears. her favorite things are pies and strawberries, the things which she named herself after.

for some lore: witches are the children of humans and demons (who are the former gods who had their powers stolen by humans), with extreme magical prowess that seems to dull with age. they're not immortal, there is a very plot relevant witch who's old and dying. pieberry suffered the fate that many other witches did: she was abandoned in the woods as a baby, in the hopes that she would be killed by nature so her parent wouldn't have to kill her themselves.

pieberry is obviously not at perfect peace with her lot in life, but she's still living her way. and who could blame her, she's like ten.

anyways rant over. play witchspring r it's out on steam right now

[asleepinawell]

hot off the triumph of my ng+ run of dark souls 1, i decided to finally go back to try and beat ringed city which i rage quit 2 years ago (read more because i rambled a bit) (obligatory note that this is all just my opinion, other people get different things out of the game and that's fine, etc)

i didn't quit over a boss fight, but over that stretch between the inner wall bonfire and the swamp where the devs were like okay turtle clerics, ringed knights, SIX harald knights on the stairs backed up by ranged, and then a goddamn swamp in a level that should have been a cool ruined city. and all of the hard damage sponge enemies respawn. so if you die you have to go through a ton of very slow hard fights again and it's tedious

this time i looked up where the bonfire was and just made a run for it. and then after trying the next part did the same thing again. it is just frustrating. i can't play for more than twenty minutes at a time without having to turn it off and find something actually fun to do

the whole time I've been thinking about what makes a soulsborne level actually good. i've never thought it was difficulty (and would argue that being known as "so so hard" becoming the core aspect of soulsborne has been the worst thing to happen to the series)

for me, the best levels depend on patience and observation, not extremely hard enemies spawning out of nowhere. the sign of a good level is that when you finish it, when you're out of the thick of it, you think "hey that was cool and i wouldn't mind doing it again someday". and you think that regardless of any annoyance or difficulty you had along the way

when you finish an area and just think "i never want to go through that again" then something went wrong

i think about tower of latria, anor londo, darkroot garden, tomb of giants, central yarhnam, and even the valley of defilement and yeah some of those were grueling but god were they cool and i will go back to them someday. ringed city makes me think i'd rather go mop my kitchen (which i did so i guess something good came of it)

similar feeling about boss fights. artorias and manus were challenging but i ended both fights being like fuck yeah i did it! and the fights looked and felt really cool. i felt like i was fighting a duel rather than waiting for the boss to stop ping-ponging off the walls shitting status effects so i could get in one hit

the first boss fight in ringed city (I'm up to the second one now but haven't done it yet) i was like oh good now i never have to do that again (i don't even remember it very well, just that i didn't enjoy it). i actually prefer easy fights that have neat atmosphere (moonlight butterfly) to harder ones that leave me frustrated and think the best ones combine elements of challenge and atmosphere

(artorias' primal screams still get me every time, the deceptive speed he can move with despite lurching around, his dead arm dangling, the trail of abyss corruption, the way i remembered all his attacks years later...god that fight was good)

anyway i love the series a ton and I'll just end with the fact i have beaten demon's souls about 5 times (3 ng+ iterations included), and dark souls 1 about the same number of times. i've been through bloodborne twice and am almost through a third time. elden ring i beat twice and it's kind of a mixed bag. and then there's ds3 which i beat once and have 5 new characters i never got far on (i did like it but felt no desire to replay). i don't think i ever touched ds2 again after beating it. to me that says a lot

[pixelgrotto]

Cool Cold War Ninja

Capcom's Strider series holds the distinction of starring one of the coolest ninjas in video games. Hiryu feels like he was designed to look as rad as possible, from the blue suit to the red scarf to the tonfa-esque cypher blade, and his appearance was partially influenced by Spawn (another hero engineered to radiate style) because Capcom character designer Harumaru saw some Todd McFarlane books one day. Even Hiryu's name (飛竜, "flying dragon") is cool, mostly because it taught me that 竜 is the Japanese simplified form of the Chinese 龍, a character in my own name.

But despite his coolness, Hiryu is better recognized for cameos in the Marvel vs. Capcom series instead of his own franchise. This is most unfortunate, especially considering that Strider's one of the earliest video game examples of a cross-media property. Way back in 1988, Capcom greenlit a Strider comic with the help of the Moto Kikaku mangaka group while also assigning two internal divisions to helm an arcade game and an NES title. The intent was to make Hiryu into a hero who would span multiple mediums and be recognized everywhere, from the printed page to the pixelated screen. And that sorta worked, but not as well as Capcom hoped.

The first and most famous Strider - the 1989 arcade release - begins with Hiryu gliding onto the towers of the Kazakh Soviet Socialist Republic in a truly iconic bit of spritework. Within three seconds, you're hit with an array of action as Hiryu strides forward, explodes enemies in half with his cypher, and does a signature flip where all of his limbs flail outwards in a mid-air cartwheel. The action and setpieces never let up, and over the span of the game's five levels, Hiryu fights a council of politicians who morph into a multi-limbed robotic centipede, runs from mountain avalanches, explores dinosaur-filled Amazon jungles, hitchhikes a ride on an airship, and battles robotic anti-gravity cores in the fringes of outer space.

Strider is a blend of a hundred different things that the developers considered cool. But beyond all of the set pieces, the factor that sticks out to me the most is the Cold War futurism that drips from every level, feeling original but somehow dated at the same time. What other games start with your character infiltrating the "Kazakh Federation" and end with them fighting the sorcerous Grand Master Meio, a dude who seems like a thinly-veiled stereotype of a communist dictator gone wild? What other games commit to their "born in a geopolitical era of tension" vibe by featuring speech samples in multiple languages, including Russian, Japanese and Mandarin? Strider came out right before the fall of the Berlin Wall, and you can feel it. On that note, I don't think Kazakhstan has appeared in any other franchise as much as Strider. Honestly, the world would probably be a better place if more people associated Kazakhstan with Hiryu's adventures instead of Borat.

Strider didn't receive a decent conversion for home consoles until the Sega Genesis/Mega Drive in 1990, and the NES "port" that came out around the same time wasn't a port at all. Instead, NES Strider is an early Metroidvania, and one that I actually enjoy a fair bit. This opinion goes against the norm, since while I can recall NES Strider getting lots of promo in Nintendo Power when I was growing up, popular internet consensus these days tells you that it's a broken game with controls that feel like they're stuck in a beta phase.

I can't refute that - NES Strider's controls stink, especially when you're forced to pull off a wall jump that's impossible to do unless you have perfect timing. (Thankfully it's only a mandatory move at two points.) The game's also got a weird glitchiness about it, with enemies respawning at an utterly aggressive pace and the edges of the screen flickering way too much every time Strider moves an inch. The bugginess of NES Strider supposedly kept its impending Famicom port from ever being released, making it a rare example of a Japanese game that sold in North America but not in its native country.

And yet, the ambition to NES Strider is admirable. The trend of backtracking through levels and using items to unlock previously inaccessible areas might be commonplace now, but it wasn't in 1989. The plot, while burdened by a messy English translation, also features far more of a story than any other game in this franchise thanks to its heavy basis in the Strider manga. (Which is pretty cool, by the way, and partially readable in English thanks to a fan scanlation of its first three chapters.) Instead of simply facing Grand Master Meio, Hiryu's got to dig out corruption from the ranks of his organization, and it's nice to actually get some insight into his companions, from a fellow Strider named Kain to a guy named Ryuzaki who left his Attack-Boots in China.

Strider never blossomed into one of Capcom's sequel-studded franchises of the '90s. The NES game was a bold but flawed experiment that didn't get much traction, and while the arcade game performed okay, many of its key developers left the company soon after its release. In the European market, though, arcade Strider received dozens of ports for home computer systems that really couldn't handle it, like the ZX Spectrum. Tiertex, a local developer behind a handful of these ports, got the rights from Capcom and made Strider II, a sequel with shockingly bad level design which also goes under the name Journey from Darkness: Strider Returns. Capcom effectively retconned Tiertex's work with an in-house Strider 2 in 1999, riding off of the wave that Hiryu received from his inclusion in Marvel vs. Capcom.

Released for the arcade and Playstation, Strider 2 seems to take place two thousand years after its predecessor, with the Hiryu the player controls a clone of the original. It's never entirely clear, as the plot was clearly just an excuse to have Hiryu fight a reincarnated Meio. Forgettable story aside, the game spans as many environments as the first Strider, and the opening level sees Hiryu fighting terrorists in Neo Hong Kong to the beat of some darn good music which sounds suspiciously like the Ozzy Osbourne song Shot in the Dark. There's also a rival Strider named Hein who wears an all-white uniform in a nod to Hinjo, the main character from Tiertex's Strider II, which is a polite ode to a game that Capcom has all but disowned nowadays.

My biggest issue with Strider 2 is that each level is divided into small chunks, with the player forced to sit through loading screens while the next segment loads. Most PS1 games released during this era suffered from long loadtimes, but it's annoying to deal with the same thing in an arcade game. Maybe the load screens are meant to give players a breather before the next spree of button mashing, but I feel like the game's pace suffers tremendously. It's hard to fall into the same "blaze through, slice 'em with the cypher, do a billion flips along the way" rhythm that the first Strider inculcated when you've got to wait five seconds after every major encounter.

Strider 2 released during a period when action platformers were nearly nonexistent in the arcades, and a 30-minute experience - which is about how long it takes to beat the game once you know what you're doing - wasn't going to really cut it on the PS1. And so the series went back into dormancy until 2014, when Capcom once again enlisted the services of a third party. Double Helix Games' Strider is yet another retread of Hiryu versus Meio, but there's a surprising ton of DNA from NES Strider present. These go from the music, which features an awesome remix of the NES game's level 1 Kazakh theme, to the decision to make Hiryu's journey into a full-fledged Metroidvania.

Double Helix clearly poured a lot of love into their work, and I give 'em props for that NES inspiration. But there's something missing from the experience, which is probably why you don't often see 2014 Strider on lists of the best recent Metroidvanias. Unlike the world-spanning levels of the other Striders, this one takes place solely in Kazakh, which is large but very samey. As a result, the game feels padded despite not being terribly long, and the in-game map is far too confusing due to different planes that Hiryu can jump across. While Metroidvanias are one of the few genres that tend to activate my completionist tendencies, I never felt the need to explore every nook and cranny or snag every ability. It's a shame, because Double Helix was almost there in melding Strider's disparate gameplay styles and finally bringing Hiryu back to mainstream stardom. But they didn't stick the landing, and Amazon Game Studios bought Double Helix right after Strider released, ensuring that the devs probably won't ever get the chance to improve on their formula.

It's been almost a decade since Hiryu got his own game. He most recently showed up in Marvel vs. Capcom Infinite, and Capcom threw Strider fans a bone with the character Zeku in Street Fighter V, who has a Hiryu-style skin and is said to be the dude who founded the entire Strider order. All of this is neat, but it's baffling that Hiryu - despite being one of the coolest ninjas in gaming - has never had a solo title truly take off since his debut. Some of this might be due to the fact that Capcom has to credit (and presumably pay) Moto Kikaku whenever Hiryu appears, and one could argue that the original arcade game's balls-to-the-wall action and high difficulty don't have a place in Capcom's catalog any longer, or at least aren't as money-printing as new Monster Hunters and Resident Evils. But I think you could easily make something like Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice starring Strider Hiryu, and I wish someone would. After all, we're talking about one cool ass Cold War ninja here, and he deserves to shine once more.

[canis-rex-lupus]

ok everyone. splatoon headcanons for the psychonauts main cast. buckle up its gonna be Detailed.

RAZPUTIN AQUATO

raz would be an octoling i think. he'd start out playing one of the weapons he sees his idols use, but as he finds his own playstyle (i think he'd go for skirmisher personally, he'd like to be in the front lines with all the action) i think he'd play something that's more *him*, something snappy and fast with lots of opportunity for movement. i think dark tetra dualies would suit him. the rolling mechanic mirrors how he implements his circus upbringing in the way he uses his psychic powers and i think he'd be big on trying to do sick team wipeouts with the reefslider.

he'd focus on ranked battles and rank up REALLY fast - he'd be in X battle in no time. as for abilities i think he'd use a lot of offensive/movement based stuff like intensify action/swim or run speed up etc etc. when he first starts out he makes a lot of mistakes like tunneling when matches get heated but he'd be diligent about watching match replays and improving. he does a good job of synergizing and keeping the team in check when he gets the hang of things. he'd make a lot of gutsy moves that win the match in those very last few seconds, always snatching victory from the jaws of defeat. his favorite mode would be clam blitz. he'd decorate his locker with items you earn from playing like the big run statues or the stickers you get by weapon freshness, and he'd plaster it with a ton of stickers he thinks are cool. you think it would look bad but it turns out to nail the cluttercore look pretty well?

LILI ZANOTTO

lili would be an octoling, frontline slayer, and most DEFINITELY play a splatana wiper. she antagonizes people with the torpedoes and gets the SICKEST trick shot splats with charged splatana shots and well timed ultra stamp throws. she could hit you from a mile away without even trying. she'd run a comp that's just as cool and fun as it is killer. intensify action, drop roller, maybe something REALLY nasty like respawn punisher. ink resistance and sub defense so nothing gets in her way. she's really good but aggressive and tends to tilt a lot, throwing her off her groove and losing her a lot of matches, which i think she'd be a little too hard on herself about. despite this she'd be S+ rank having played pretty much her whole life and her favorite mode would be turf war or rainmaker. she'd have a pretty cool locker too - it would have hard to get stuff like the bear ears from the secret story mode level and a golden big run statue, but be put together in a more thoughtful way than raz with additional items just for style.

SASHA NEIN

sasha would be an inkling. since he values control i think he'd play a backliner - he'd have the patience for a charger like the e-liter, and the steadiest aim you've ever seen. he'd have a lot of sensible but boring abilities like ink savers and sub power and all that. overall prioritizes function over flashiness. he'd use his long range to keep control of the goal area and pick off enemies, keeping the rest of the team safe. he'd be very strategic about when and where he moves, when to shoot or when to hold back, when to use his special, etc etc. he pushes raz to do the same but he's far too impatient to really master it like sasha does. he's X rank and his favorite mode is splat zones. he doesn't decorate his locker much, but maybe he'd at least have a picture of him and milla in there or some cool scifi thingies with lights for the ambiance.

MILLA VODELLO

milla is an octoling and plays midliner support! she likes painting more than fighting, and likes playing fun weapons that can cover lots of ground like custom jr, inkbrush, or big swig roller - i think she switches it up instead of having one signature weapon. they're all just so much fun! she'd have ink recovery, sub saver, all that good stuff so she can paint the whole stage and earn her team the upper hand while the enemy's distracted fighting. definitely prioritizes the team win over getting the most splats or points or whatever - she'd be sure to emphasize the importance of being a team player to morry or lili, who might tend to be selfish in their playstyle without the reminder. morry definitely needs said reminder frequently. she's X rank and i think she'd like turf war the best. can't go wrong with the classics! her locker is THE cutest. she has the pink one obvy. her decorations are color coordinated and well placed, and she spends a lot of time trying out new layouts for it.

MORCEAU OLEANDER

he's an inkling. morry plays something big, heavy, and DEADLY. he could really get into the hydra splatling i think - he'd think booyah bomb is the best special of all time. he prioritizes getting splats over everything, even when he's the only one left alive and all four of the enemy team is on him. he just never thinks to retreat. he definitely doesn't make... the smartest plays. hence milla having to remind him to be more team oriented instead of constantly rushing to the other team to try to fight them on your own morry the hydra is a backliner we talked about this!!

hed be the type to not really internalize constructive criticism from teammates. yeah yeah whatever. he DOES get a lot of kills but at the expense of abandoning the actual goal of the game - it's probably resulted in a LOT of very close losses. he'd tilt a lot too, like lili. he's probably only A or S rank, and has league points waaayyy in the negative. his favorite mode is rainmaker, but he likes salmon run a lot too. it's fun to take down all those big nasty fish. he'd have no sense of design tbh his locker would be a little ugly LMAO

FORD CRULLER

ford would be an inkling, and a jack of all trades. him and each of his alters would have their own playstyle and favorite weapons. i'll just talk about agent cruller for now - i think he'd be a support but so practiced with his weapon he can and DOES use it like a slayer when the need arises - maybe undercover brella. he'd know all the best spots to put ink mines and he could show raz the best way to use his reefslider :) i think he'd use his ability slots to play to the strengths of his weapons and enhance them - for the brella, that would mean ink savers, special charge, and sub power. a lot of people would be confused that legendary psychonaut ford cruller would go with something as mid-tier as an undercover brella, but i think the way he uses it represents him well - it seems like it wouldn't get the job done but it's reliable if you give it a chance. sound familiar?

ford was the best player of the whole gang in his prime, and he's still a BEAST at it - he just slips up a little more often. he'd still have a lifetime's worth of knowledge and cool tricks though; i think he would've taught raz a lot of the important fundamental stuff as he was starting out, and if you really looked you could see echoes of ford in how raz plays. he's X rank of course, and his favorite mode is tower control. his locker would look disorganized to the uninitiated, but each section belongs to an alter so they all have a chance to decorate.

CALIGOSTO LOBOTO

cal is an octoling, and switches up his weapons ALL the time. i think he'd favor some really niche ones like bloblobber. he'd be pretty all over the place with his playstyle, having similar issues to morry in having no strategy. he probably doesn't think to practice much or familiarize himself with the limitations of his weapons, so when things get heated he either just throws caution to the wind and shoots without purpose. he doesn't think too hard about his ability comp - his outfit probably looks super silly, actually. silly in a cute way though. he'd wear something colorful, and maybe all the patterns wouldn't quite go together, but he's happy with it. he'd rely on stuff like ninja squid and quick respawn to make up for how flawed his strategy (or lack thereof) is. he'd shark a lot to get surprise splats.

he'd blame just about anything under the sun before he admits it's flawed though. this weapon is just no good, that other team was way higher level anyway, they weren't playing fair, so on and so forth. i think he'd get defensive at criticism -- he takes it very personally. in his eyes, being told about all the ways he could improve is the same as being told he's bad. it takes a lot of coaxing to get him to practice more and learn to admit his own mistakes. he might not even bother with competitive, but if he did he'd be pretty low rank. C or maybe B at best. both because he hasn't been playing for long and he's at a low-ish skill level. his favorite mode would be salmon run cause it's less competitive AND he loves to see the salmonids he thinks they're cool. his locker is a huge mess and has at least one of those furbies or the zapfish plush in it. i have a LOT more to say about cal but for the sake of post length i will save it for later.

this is all i will cover for now BUT..... i have so much more in me i could probably eventually cover the whole cast. for example how gristol malik would use the gold aerospray and be the most annoying player known to man. but i savr those foorrr... next time maybe this is already very very long. thank u for reading 😋

[doedipus]

Bomb rush is genuinely really good and I've had a lot of fun playing it, but in a lot of ways it feels like 2/3 of a game. Like the story is engaging, the overall presentation replicates a lot of what I like about games like twewy, and the movement and gameplay *mostly* feels really good (although I wish the air dash would behave more like a sonic homing attack sometimes).

But somehow it still feels a little undercooked?

Like I wish the characters were more differentiated. even just having them be obligate users of their default vehicles would've gone a long way there. And the vehicles themselves all work basically identically afaik, except for opening certain pathways, which I don't think was ever really explained, and isn't required often enough to really matter. I ended up using vinyl on skates for most of my playtime just because she looks cool and there was never really a reason to switch. I also really wish felix's refusal to use the boost packs had any gameplay relevance, when you unlock him he's just the same as everyone else.

The cops system in general feels half assed. Having some resistance is fine, but the implementation is mainly just a nuisance, and not really fun to engage with. Heat builds really inconsistently, sometimes you can tag most of an area before the cops show up, and other times every tag you do adds one level of heat no matter what. And since the second level is the turrets that make certain necessary jumps close to impossible, you end up spending a huge amount of playtime wandering aimlessly trying to remember where the bathrooms were.

Combat also feels really underdeveloped, against the mechs and turrets it works okay, but the random cops are really tanky and there isn't a ton of feedback from the game when you're fighting them about how much damage you're doing, and they respawn so fast that fighting them is a waste of time anyway.

If it were possible to just mod the heat system out entirely I probably would do that. Doing the regular platformer thing of just intentionally placing enemies in specific spots where they're key to progression instead of using a rockstar heat system would've been better

The last thing is that I think it could use some alternate game modes or generally more divergences from the sandbox gameplay loop. I feel like this is really where the price point becomes a factor- $40 is kind of a big ask for a game with this little going on structurally. I really wish the dream sequence stages were a bigger focus- they make great use of the generally excellent platforming and aesthetic sensibilities, but there's no way to replay them at all, they're just used as one and done setpieces instead of something you can replay over and over to master. there's also not a ton of variety in the challenges you're asked to do in each area, basically every npc only ever asks you to do score attack or go to a specific tag spot, neither of which really ask you to engage with the environment differently. the racing sections are very cool but also very short, used sparingly, and not repeatable. the main campaign is really cool and well-paced, but I feel like for this asking price there's gotta be some more extra shit going on to add replay value.

I guess in some ways I kind of saw a glimpse of a lot of stuff I really liked about the sonic adventure games as a kid, and part of me is disappointed that wasn't the direction BRCF wanted to go in at all. but I think there would've been something to be learned there in terms of extrapolating the same handful of environments into a bunch of decidedly unique gameplay modes. gimme a treasure hunting mode, no-boost felix challenges, dream stage replays, a fishing minigame and a chao garden and I'd be 100% satisfied

[spinningbuster98]

Castlevania Chronicles (Original Mode) Part 3: The meaning of pain

This first stage starts with a crumbling bridge complete with Medusa Heads coming at you. You need precise reflex to dodge them all because if you get hit even once even if you don’t fall down the knockback will send you too far back to make it back up in time. I’ve died here what feels like 20 times before figuring out that the Stop Watch you can get at the beginning can be a lifesaver

Then we get to the Tower of Dolls segment complete with the eponymous song. It’s a short vertical section with about a billion miniscule enemies and obstacles trying to get you. From toy clowns marching left and right and sometimes dropping down, little bats flying around, possessed dolls waking up and harassing you and dodging your whip attacks if you don’t perform them at just the right distance. I prefer it over the clock tower overall though since it’s much shorter and nowhere near as cheap

Ah and there’s a hidden meat in a wall, but as soon as you destroy it the meat will fall to a lower level and if you don’t jump down in a precise manner you will fall to an even lower level and won’t make it back up in time before the meat disappears. Even if you do this correctly a bunch of enemies will respawn offscreen right around where the meat landed. Fuck you as well!

Then we have a mirror hall which is actually not that hard.

The boss sure is

2 things about this doppelganger:

1) He’s aggressive as fuck

2) He’ll use whatever subweapon you currently have equipped so it’s better to have none at all

This can be an insane fight. The only thing I can recommend is to look out for his pattern since he’ll always go back and forth through the room in the same manner, jumping on those two platforms. Did I mention he’s got invincibility frames after you hit him? Or that he poses to you after he kills you?

Stage 7 is a pretty faithful recreation of Stage 5 from the original. You remember that one right? The hardest stage of Castlevania 1? It’s harder now!

There are more enemies, more awkwardly placed and more aggressive (that fucking army of red skeletons over a stair in the mid portion...)

Near the end you’ll face against The Creature, who has been demoted from boss to...not even a mini boss just the tankiest normal enemy ever. Don’t bother fighting him, he’ll drive you to a corner and kill you, climb those stairs to the right and jump over him.

Then we have the Hallway of Doom from the original. I was dreading this part....

Turns out it’s actually way easier!

It was left virtually untouched (save for some impressive graphical illusions with that background painting: fun fact it’s different depending on which season is set in your system!), but since you have better controls it’s easier to maneuver yourself here

Axe Armors are also generally easier to deal with here because:

1) You can now duck to dodge their axes while in the original their hitboxes were too big

2) If you manage to hit them where they’re not pointing their shield you can actually instakill them!

Death himself is both harder and easier than in the original

He’s harder because the Holy Water trick no longer works on him and he has more attacks, especially that one where he forcefully sucks you to the center of the room and spams tiny skulls that home in on you

But he’s also easier because he’s way less aggressive with his scythes and he has an allergy to the cross, which hits him multiple times per frame. Granted he enters a state of invulnerability after a couple of hits so he’ll have the chance of fighting back but at least this makes the fight overall more manageable than in the original!