#and having to come to terms with it
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lots of carefully written fics of civilian touya building a relationship with shouto, not enough of civilian touya finding a path of healing and deciding not to pursue a bond with his youngest sibling. nowhere near enough touya todoroki in so many words saying what amounts to "i've reached a place where i recognize that the pain and rage that i felt growing up comes from how endeavor treated us, and you bear no responsibility for it, and are, in fact, another victim of our father. i know that none of it is your fault. but i also cannot deny that looking at you makes me feel sick to my stomach. through no fault of your own, you are a reminder of a past where i was constantly angry and helpless and in pain. i do not hate you, but i have no love for you either. i have no desire to be your brother at this point in my life. for my own well-being, i am leaving this house and i am never coming back and i will probably never see you again. i hope you find some sort of peace from all the abuse our father has put you through. goodbye."
#dabi#shouto todoroki#basically just a classic ''golden child'' scenario#sort of lol#yes i know some exist but few of them hit that sweet spot idk#and then he moves in with his boyfriend jin#and starts making big strides in the mental health department#even better is shouto was hoping to connect with his big brother#only to receive an ''absolutely not'' response#and having to come to terms with it#endeavor on the sidelines realizing just how badly he's fucked up#that it's not just his own relationships he's fucked#but also that between his kids the damage is irrepairable
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr#warm up#idk . having trouble writing rn#ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum#i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for#i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography#like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days#furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will#actually ever happen#ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum
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you know what boils my blood.
over the last 2 weeks, i've seen countless patients walk into my urgent care center, symptomatic for so many things, refusing to get tested for covid and flu, citing that they don't want to knowingly bring it to their holiday tables. i had a patient tell me, verbatim, "i don't want to test for covid, because i don't want to be the asshole who brings it on a plane."
i understand that - i understand that holidays are times where people look forward to meeting loved ones that they might only see once a year, or where they get a break from the hectic back and forth of their lives.
but here's the thing - whether they get tested or not, they will bring whatever they have to their holiday tables. it's pure recklessness to know that you're sick, and walk into someone else's house spreading the disease.
today, january 2, i saw 91 patients, many of them who have tested positive for covid and flu. many of these patients are the same ones who didn't want testing 3 days ago, until their events were over, and now, they will have to reach out to everyone they know to let them know that they were positive because they were showing symptoms well before their event.
the next week or two? we're going to see many, many more, all people with symptoms that started around christmas. these are the only two viruses we test for rapidly in our office, but they are potent and can be fatal in many people.
so here's why i wrote this post, and maybe it's a little late, but - if you care about your loved ones, please get tested if you know you're sick. it doesn't have to be at a clinic if you don't want it to, because the over-the-counter tests work just fine too (if you test within 5-7 days of symptom onset). just...please don't try to run from the knowledge that you might have covid, because immunocompromised people, elderly people, people with co-morbidities like asthma, pregnancy, diabetes, etc...many of them may not recover. and they may not be sitting at your holiday table in the future because of it.
#zee rambles#this isn't to guilt trip anyone#but im so so tired of people coming in and just refusing testing because they want to see grandma or whatever#and on top of that people are avoiding vaccinations and all that too??#we all lived through the pandemic - everyone saw how many people unfortunately passed away from it#now because of vaccinations and some amount of herd immunity we're finding milder cases in healthy people#but that doesn't mean its gone#that doesn't mean it doesn't have long-term repercussions even in healthy people and that doesn't mean people aren't still dying from it#honestly i just needed a lil rant#and if this helps at least one person??? im all for it#also i can't sleep so here we are spilling thoughts into the voidddd
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i need 7+ seasons of dead boy detectives specifically to see the long-term payoff of charles putting a jar of bees in his bag
#one day years from now he’s gonna pull it out and use it to solve a case or save somebody’s life#i need to see that payoff#and i need it to be long term#i need it to be so far in the future that everyone will have forgotten about that random little detail from the pilot#until it finally comes full circle#this show makes me insane#i want more of it so bad#dead boy detectives#dead boy detective agency#dbda#charles rowland
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Hey perisex artist/writer! yes, you! No, your character's entire made up species being physically hermaphroditic does not make them intersex. There is no such thing as an "entirely intersex species". That is not how being intersex works. Being intersex means deviating from the "standard" sex categorization. If an entire species shares the same hermaphroditic characteristics they are not intersex, they just literally only have one hermaphroditic sex. Just because it doesnt fit human sex standards doesn't make it intersex, it's literally a different species.
Don't get me wrong, it's always great seeing people be creative with how sex classification of fantasy species deviates from human sex. But please don't call it intersex. It isn't.
Edit:
Actually just going to edit this into the original post in hopes it means more people see it cuz it's an important add on
[ ID: Post by @/status-quo-hater, which reads: "Adding on to this, if your fictional hermaphroditic species is sapient/people it's in incredibly poor taste to call them hermaphrodites or God forbid 'herms' even if it is an accurate term.
I would recommend using botany terms like monecious (as opposed to dioecious), gynandromorph, dualsex, bigenital, or the term I coined recently for this, gonosimulism (as opposed to gonochorism)". /End ID ]
And on another note please stop asking if in such a species it would be intersex to only have one type of genital. The answer is technically sure but you're rapidly approaching "what if being gay was the default and straight people were discriminated against" territory. If you unironically label a character who conforms to the human sex binary "intersex", no matter if their species is usually hermaphroditic, intersex people should be allowed to hunt you for sport
#it's nice to feel represented a bit by fantasy species who are standardly dual-sexed#but it is not the same a intersex#i could not think of a different term to describe biology that deviates from human sex standards but is the norm for that species#so pls dont come at me for using the term hermaphroditic#i'm very deliberately using it to describe something that ISNT intersex#if you have a better term on hand lmk#intersex#queer#trans#intersexism#perisex#image id in post#image id added courtesy of tortiefrancis
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Ah yes. The good old days when shipping wars hadn’t been invented yet. Before the existence of antis when we all lived in harmony -
No, no. Tumblr and twitter had *created* puritan culture. I mean before then.
No no no before then. Before social media poisoned everything-
Before then….?
Before….
Well surely shipping wars didn’t exist before the internet-
#I tried to include sources but tumblr mobile straight up wouldn’t let me add hyperlinks sorry#might go back and add them later but most came from fanlore.org but they didn’t have much in terms of pre 90s so#the last ones come from fandom.org I’m so sorry
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apple season
#my art#tloz#a link to the past#someone close to my school has a rly big apple tree they invite ppl to come in and pick from and I'm already making grabby hands#link#zelda#I was trying to work on my consistency in terms of designs and stuff way back when but like I can't see those csp files rn so rip#they get to have new outfits that's just whatever I thought was fun to draw at the moment thumbs up emoji#I have not actually read the manga but I am taking the orchard I want it too#with a couple way big trees it's what happens when ur out travelling I guess idk idk I'm a cringe city person#Blabbering in tags is So back
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So, just curious how many writers and creators will have to be forcibly outed by relentless harassment before we acknowledge that "This queer characters was written by a cishet person and that's why they're bad" is not good criticism.
#yes i'm just going to come out and say it i'm talking about sera#not exclusively but i am talking about her#'but her writer actually iS A--' you don't know that! it doesn't matter! and i don't care!#just say that you do not like the character.#people will reblog posts about the latest actor or YA author or whatever getting forced out of the closet and be like#'wow. :( that's terrible.'#and then GO RIGHT BACK TO DOING IT#when are we going to learn#when are we going to stop doing this BEFORE somebody is forcibly outed#because in practical terms#that means you have to be okay with queer characters being written by straight people.#you have to stop weaponizing that against writers you don't like.#you have to be willing to critique the writing on its own merits#without using the writer's (assumed) identity to prop up your arguments#that's how it works#but who wants to actually change the way they talk about media#when tearing apart people's identities for clout is far more entertaining.#gwaren exports#fandom problems#fandom critical
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sometimes everything just sucks real real real bad
#bonnie my beloved perceptive no filter bonnie my fucking beloved#divorce ass fucking ship dynamic. you are upsetting the fucking children.#isat spoilers#isat fanart#isat#in stars and time fanart#in stars and time spoilers#in stars and time#isat bonnie#isat siffrin#isat loop#siffrin#lucabyteart#sifloop#YES THIS GOES IN THE SHIP TAG. DIVORCE DIVORCE DIVORCE#anyway i have a lot of thoughts on loop and bonnie as im sure does everyone. both before and after they learn who they are#i think a lot about how loop has several lines gently reassuring siffrin that bonnie never actually hated them. they've had time to reflect#and while theyve not healthily come to terms with much... they seem to actually have come to understand that one... and yet...#they aren't siffrin anymore now are they?#anyway im off on my travels for the next 2 weeks ! my wips shall stay that way for a while! yes this is a fucked one to leave u with!!!#byeeeee !!! ill be back !!!!#sorry to the claude wip for being stuck in purgatory for like over a month im usually not like this <3#abuse tw#as requested
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The musical episode.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#jin guangyao#nie mingjue#Remember jin guangyao: If you do any treachery you will face the wrath of five horses.#When are the horses going to come into play? You'll see.#s2.ep8 had beautiful music... I listened to it on loop while drawing!#Good music to chill out to before you fly into a rage.#This episode really cements how JGY's mind works - It is a matter of long-term outcomes at the sake of nearly everything else.#Morals do not matter to him if the outcome is more favourable.#and at the center of it all - he has learned that the only person he can truly trust is himself.#In turn - the only person his actions benefit are himself.#He will do anything and everything it takes to reach a position of power - not just for the power. But because it means safety.#Because it was something he was denied and the idea of not having control in his life again is unforgivable.#'Happiness' isn't a goal. We are looking at someone still stuck at the bottom of Maslow's hierarchy of needs.#Everything and everyone is a piece in a game. Bonds and friendships are assets. People are dispensable.#He wants to climb for the sake of climbing. He wants praise and recognition because he feels it is deserved. It's all so hollow.#We could go deeper into his psyche on this.#But these are also tags under a comic in which 'evil penis music' is the punchline.
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being aromantic is like. hey btw you're going to live a life that is the culmination of most of society's worst nightmares. sorry lol ✌️ but then you turn around and take a really good hard look at it and it turns out that living in that nightmare is fucking awesome and you get to wake up every day and take that fear that other people have and laugh and hold it close until it's a great joy for you instead. and being happy is a radical act that you define instead of someone else. and you're sexy as fuck that's just a fact of life i don't make the rules on that one
#aromantic people are just sexy i'm not making the decisions here it's just facts#course ur hot as fuck. it came free with the aromanticism#being sexy is just default settings for aromantic people 👍#hope this all helps. anyway i'm on my 'i hope i die alone <3 i can't wait to die alone <3' kick rn#i think the existential fear that people have of Not Partnering specifically is so. well.#obviously that shit is strong and it is SO awesome to be free of it.#realizing you're aro and you don't Want a partner can be such a hit to the solar plexus#cause society says that's the only thing that'll make you happy. so either you go without that thing or you force yourself#into doing something you don't want which would make you unhappy anyway.#so you think it's a lose lose situation and you have to come to terms with what amatonormativity presents as the worst possible situation#but then! whoa! turns out personhood is inherently valuable in and of itself and romantic partnering is just a construct!#and that nightmare is now your life to do with as you please... define as you will... structure as you want...#best case scenario. is what i'm saying.#every day i wake up ready to spit all that amatonormative rhetoric back in life's teeth by being alone and being happy#and it's so fucking satisfying. every day.#fucking JUBILANT being by myself. and i love being a living breathing 'fuck you' to the romantic system#you need a partner to be happy? oh that's sooo fucking crazy guess i'll go be miserable then. in my perfect fucking dream life lmao#yeah obviously it's the worst possible outcome on earth to die without a partner. so terrible. can't wait for it :)#aromantic#aromanticism#aro positivity#aroace#arospec#sorry to bitches who are sad about not having a partner. i could not give a fuck though get better soon#you couldn't EVER pay me enough to go back to a mindset in which my inherent value wasn't enough by myself.#FUCK that shit. absolutely miserable and a bad life outlook in general. like genuinely do the work w/ amatonormativity and get better#life is something that can be so fulfilling whether someone wants to kiss you or whatever or not#i'm on antidepressants and i have people i care deeply about. what the fuck would i need a partner for lmao
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hey
#my art#south park#craig tucker#tweek tweak#craig x tweek#sp creek#south park fanart#sp fanart#barbarian tweek#thief craig#i have bad brainworms i have bad brainworms theyve been living in my head rent free please send help#not with extraction of worms they're there to stay but to just come to terms with drawing south park fanart
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he cares so much about them, but he has never known how to show it
and now, it’s too late.
#orion rambles#mephone was the character that got me attached to ii#seeing him this miserable makes me miserable#ive grown even more attached to him since the twist#i love making ocs....it can be really therapeutic to explore feelings through them#so to see a character do the exact same thing was wild#...but the contestants became these living breathing people#who now have to come to terms with the fact they were made to be a fantasy#dreamed up by someone who is lost. and broken. and scared#and now? he has nothing left#but he cared for them. he really truly cared for them. i would know#inanimate insanity#ii 17#ii movie#ii mephone4
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Got a new idea cooking in my head.
Another DPxDC idea.
A reborn into DCverse Toddler!Danny but also Dad!Dick and Talons.
Danny is reborn into the DCverse (either he's a clone of Dick, a created test tube baby, OR a kid Dick unknowingly had during his amnesia year) and wakes up in the Court of Owls who finally have their Gray Son and will turn him into the greatest Talon ever.
Thing is, Danny still has his ghost powers (King Danny? Idk leaving it open, either that or just able to control clean ectoplasm) and knows whatever fruitloops have him, this will not be fun. So, when none of the Owls are watching him, he uses his abilities to influence a few Talons and they all book it out of the place.
Danny later finds himself walking the dirty Gotham streets with a few Talons, one holding his hand while the others hide in the shadows in case they need to protect the baby Talon they all care for.
Of course, the sighting of a Talon holding a toddler's hand catches the camera's and Oracles attention very very fast.
One of the Batboys is sent out, not Dick he's on a space mission right now, and whoever it is, is shocked to see a toddler that has a LOT of similarities to Dick.
#danny phantom#danny fenton#crossover#dp x dc#blue rambles#danny phantom dc#writing ideas#random idea#dpxdc#Dick is a reborn Danny's dad in this AU#He wont know until he returns from space though#also Batman isn't in Gotham right now either#hence why one of the Batboys was sent out#Danny leaves the court of Owls like that one peace out meme#with a bunch of Talons in tow#they're his now#he is the prophesied Gray Son#cause he can influence the Talons#BUT he doesn't wanna be under the thumbs of fruitloops#he also isn't gonna leave those poor liminals either#Do I have the image of tiny toddler Danny holding the hands of a Talon while other Talons watch from the shadows as a Bat finds them. YES#Do I also want Dick and Bruce to return to Gotham and find tiny Danny playing with an army of Talons in mansion. Also yes#Dick decides to no longer take Space mission btw#THINGS ALWAYS HAPPEN WHEN HES OUT IN SPACE. NO MORE!#also he has to come to terms hes a dad now#and keep the Court of Owls AWAY from his son#toddler!danny
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You’ve got to forgive yourself for being traumatized and needing to learn how to function again.
Recovery isn’t always nightmares and depression, it’s forgetting to eat, being scared of what others might see as completely normal things, it’s getting random panic attacks, not knowing how to take care of yourself, not knowing how to live like an adult, even if you’re twenty, thirty, forty, fifty, of feeling like you’re failing to function in a world where everyone seems to have their shit together.
If you need help, ask for it. Go to forums and ask for advice. Take advantage of community resources. Buy pre-sliced veggies and fruits, eat instant meals if you can’t cook for yourself today. Hire someone. Ask a neighbor for a favor. Buy any item you think might make life easier, even if you feel like you aren’t ‘disabled’ enough to have it.
Some of the depression posts (ie open your windows, take a shower, go outside, call a friend) are really helpful but they’re not always enough. I’ve found advice for spoonies, people with chronic pain or other disabilities have the best tips because they know what it’s like to be bedridden, out of energy, stuck in a brain fog.
You may never return back to the energy you had when you were younger and you might always need to use crutches to help you through life. It’s the same with medication.
Trauma is a real thing that happens to you, it physically alters your brain and it’s alright to have lasting scars.
You’re not broken, your life is not over and you can still be happy.
It’s not your fault.
#felix speaks#trauma#recovery#deconversion#ex cult#ex religious#ptsd#cptsd#healing#disabled#actually traumatized#spoonies#things i need to remind myself with too#it sucks to have to come to terms with the fact#but youll be so much better off once you stop denying yourself the help you need#also re: buying items meant for the disabled#do it!#you are not taking resources away#if you need it you need it#and the more in demand these items are the better theyll be made in the future
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i feel like im in a weird demographic when it comes to the percy jackson live action series because of the age i was when i read them. cause i read the lightning thief for the first time when i was in single digits, so percy being twelve seemed appropriately grown up. and then as i got further into the series and into heroes of olympus, percy got older with me, and was always kinda broadly my age or a little older. so like, the movie cast was too old when that happened, because they were way older than me. but now the series cast is actual twelve year olds (or so) and they are so obviously just little babies that im now forced to confront the fact that uhhh percy was in fact a fuckin child when all this started??? exCUSE ME???
#percy jackson#percy jackon and the olympians#boutta fight the gods myself on their behalf how can u look at their lil faces and think yeah im gonna kill them#anyway at least i have a couple months to come to terms with the inevitable passage of time and the skewed perspectives of childhood#before i lose my mind over the tv show in a completely different way
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