#and has a feeling of zoning out to dance rather than interpretative dance to the lyrics

[thoughtfulfangirling]

Reblog in the tags what your favorite song of 2023 was!

[lavenoon]

Since I can't read yet I come here with a question instead! (And if this wasn't already planned and won't spoil anything, of course). Because I'm an absolute sap, how does the first kisses happen with each of the boys?

So, the truth is, nope no kisses were planned - because while I am absolutely a hopeless romantic, I often forget there's a part after the mutual pining. Whoops!

But our idiot trio... They grow closer and don't even really notice. Like walking a mile and just thinking about each individual step, then looking back and going "Oh"

The reveal is a midpoint for that - they grew as close as they could for the roles they occupy in each other's life, and afterwards have that relationship as solid base to build even more on top of it.

Now for the actual kisses?

It's Y/N who takes initiative in both cases - the boys are a little more aware of how down bad they are, desperately trying to flirt while a lot of it either flies over Y/N's head or they interpret it as "normal" behavior (which it is, but still, way to miss the point, dear). So the little bird is the one who has to have their "Oh." moment!

I think. Well, this is me, and on the fly adaptations are the norm, so yes.

This realization comes late (because I am a whore for mutual pining, even though it's not quite self-aware in Y/N's case), after HQ finds out that they know each other's identities.

In the end, our dear star agents are let off the hook easy, due to some combination of "Well, we kind of knew this was going to happen sooner rather than later, our mistake to not separate you immediately", Dawn being a convincing bastard along the lines of "Knowing each other's identities can be quite the advantage, actually. We can join each other's long-term missions without any risk to our civilian identity, and you know how effective we are in the field", and also some bit of plot armor, I suppose (lmao)

But I've mentioned it before - they get one "test" mission to see just how efficient their trio is, and if it's worth looking past the (unintentional) breaking of rules). I still kind of want this to happen on a cruise? For Reasons(TM)

Robin poses as a high-standing trust fund kid, a role they despise but which explains both the need for a bodyguard and why no one has actually seen them before when they introduce themself. They play the role decently well by simply channeling their snappy attitude they used to show towards Dusk back in the day (and of course, still sometimes do, but much much more affectionate these days)

Dawn is the daytime bodyguard, mostly present for the afternoon meetings and keeping Robin from just. Mauling the sleazy business people they're forced to mingle with. They get flustered more than enough, still more used to the nice neighbor, so to be out of their comfort zone within the mission and then kept off balance by their way too smooth rival/ bodyguard?

It gets worse when they just feel that twitch in their fingers, watching as illicit deals go through, and they can't do anything yet. Sun makes sure to hold them back, a firm but gentle hand on their shoulder before he takes their hand to brush over their tensed knuckles. Signals them that yes, he saw, too - and it'll be okay. They'll take care of it together as soon as they can, and there's absolutely no doubt about that in his mind. The confidence is infectious, and Robin has a small moment of realization just how much they trust and understand Sun, and how much more they want to learn - they couldn't imagine a life without him long before already, but this makes them aware of that terrible need for more, still. All this condensed in the short thought "God, I want to kiss him."

They need to process that.

Unfortunately, Dusk doesn't help. Smug as always, he's their escort for any of the evening activities, more focused on the social aspect and having fun. Some dances, smarmy cocktail parties, plays - you name it, there's something going on, and for the sake of information Robin has to attend as much as possible.

They try to interact with everyone else, but truly just cannot stand these people, and are too unused to playing nice. They regularly tap out, and just go back to their bodyguard - scary guy, really, don't they mind? "Not at all, he's a sweetheart! (:" *cut to Moon standing near the wall, glowering with thermal vision and sharp teeth, arms crossed to hide the twitching fingers* "... Right." But they go back, and notice that it's reassuring for them both. They drag him onto the dance floor at some point, missing steps and dancing out of tune, because they just get so caught up in their usual banter. One comment just nearly breaks them, and they fear they're threatening to burst their cover with how loudly they want to laugh. If only they could shut him up with a kiss -

Wait.

Again?

And thus the crisis begins. They bide their time for a day or two, just processing that yes, they're in love with their - their.

Their everything sounds so incredibly cheesy - but they are, aren't they? Neighbors, rivals, friends - they touch each other's life on all accounts.

Theirs, they settle on. That's what they want the boys to be, anyway.

They don't know when it started - they just look back, and it looks like this was always the way things would have gone. Of course they ended up here - every step only took them closer to this point.

It's time for the next one, then.

Turns out they're just a bit of a romantic sap, and they look for "good" moments. Fortunately for them, I am also a romantic sap, and will god mod their universe to fit my cheesy needs.

They get Dawn first. They have a moment to themselves, after a long afternoon of boring meetings, and Robin stays behind in the room for a moment to breathe. Dawn waits near the entrance, glaring at a few people that just carelessly shoulder check him. Lets out a noise of disgruntlement, then crosses the room to check on Robin. They assure him they're fine, they just need a moment without this stuffy atmosphere. They glance up at him - and the amount of brain cells that activate in that moment is unheard of for them.

Perfect opportunity. "Lean down", they ask him. "Your tie's messed up. Let me fix it?" And Dawn - well, he's positively surprised for sure, that's a bold step for his little thief! So he is not complaining! He obliges, so so happy and confident that they finally started making some advances! He does not expect that they are about to just skip a couple steps entirely. Tug him down by his tie, the other hand settling on his shoulder, but the kiss itself is surprisingly delicate after the startling force to get him there. They pull back after a moment, trying to assess - and Dawn is just completely stunned. Well. They were pretty sure, but... "I didn't misunderstand, right?"

That's when Dawn snaps back to reality, and just cups their face with both hands, widest grin on his face before he mimics that first kiss again and again. But it's too passive for him, and they got their human kisses, so now he's adding a good nuzzle into the mix, all while Robin starts giggling. He's a little eager, after months of pining - so the two of them may stumble into the chairs and desk behind them. The noise does startle them out of their little moment, but then Robin looks at him, and just entirely deadpan says "Don't tell Dusk. I'm going to get him."

Dawn loses it, which is saying something, and they join in immediately after. He does promise to not snitch, though.

They don't have to wait long. Another on deck cocktail party, and they end up staying late long after the staff cleaned up the last of the drinks and snacks. The night sky out at sea - that's a view even Dusk will let them stay up for. They just lean on the railing, listen to the waves crash against the ship, and crane up their necks to look at the stars. After a while Robin does feel that, so they crack it. Dusk, very much interpreting that as "that sounded bad", just immediately looks down to check on them. They blink, surprised, when he's all worried with his hands near their neck, just fluttering and checking for an injury that isn't there. Yup, they think. This idiot gets it, and now. So they cup his face, resulting in a surprised little jolt when he locks eyes with them. Idiots already getting kissed. A little more insistently than Dawn, perhaps, but also over just as quick. They pull back again, look at his stunned expression, and grin. "Yup, been wanting to do that for a while."

Dusk... Appalled. Offended. Insulted to the core. He grabs them by the lapels of their suit, dragging them forward, and just shakes them (gently). "Then why did you wait this long?" And they're just holding onto his wrists and giggling, going "But this was perfect!" "I'll give you perfect -" "Like right now?" "Right -" And he blinks at them, and yeah, actually - like right now. Some of the remaining staff do remind them they aren't alone at some point. They just kind of slink back to their room then - giggling to each other like the fools they are.

They do kind of agree to leave any further new PDA for after they return home, and somehow the pining becomes much more bearable with the thought that it's only a few more days. There's a date - and then they'll discuss going on one <3

[squadrah]

la squadra go to an at school!!! what do they do and how well????

Ehehe nice! We'll give them a big budget this time, and I think I will start with what would be most up their alley just so I can follow up with something that would be challenging to them :D

Risotto: He would have welding in the bag if he was allowed to use Metallica, but hiding behind a respirator would be a great excuse not to engage with others. It would be more exciting for him to do something like improvisational theater, which might force him to deal with the emotions of others and his own as the situation demands it. He's stiff and rather slow, but he's evidently putting a great deal of thought into his actions, so there's that.

Formaggio: Photography and especially macro photography would be delightfully easy with Little Feet's help and produce fast and colorful results just as his upbeat temper likes it, whereas something like figure drawing would be far slower to make and require far more patience and effort. He would definitely enjoy the models and talk at them far more than he should, distracting others too, but he is trying, and the result is surprisingly neat, if not very realistic.

Prosciutto: I could see him gravitating towards theater with his voice and delivery, but this is too "clean" a hobby; the challenge would be to get his hands dirty. I would love to have him take a pottery class and allow himself to get caked with clay to produce something tangible. Imagine him trying to make a life-size bust, and papping the face as he was shaping it. It's no masterpiece, but all the detail suggests he has a lot of promise if he can bear to continue.

Pesci: He would be at an advantage with almost anything that uses your hands and power of observation, such as drawing, so you would have to engage more of his senses to really push him. What if he took an interpretive dancing class where he would have to use his entire body and push his imagination to its limits to create a meaningful choreography for himself? His figures and gestures feel a little too cliché, but his footwork is solid.

Ghiaccio: Something he could immediately pick up would be sculpting of any sort because he could be rough and forceful in places to reduce the material to the right shapes, but again, we all need a challenge, so I'll give him knitting, which would be teaching him patience and delicate handling of his yarn in exchange for a wide variety of applications and nice clean lines. He would probably hate bigger pieces, but small ones would turn out very well.

Melone: If easy mode would be to take up a creative writing class, where he would be the fastest typist with a wide range of knowledge to draw on, then hard mode might be having to manually calculate, create, and apply everything, so what about painting? He would have to learn how to mix primary colors to get the shades he needs, and be very deliberate about where he places brush strokes. His style is very bizarre, but he does have a great eye for mixing colors!

Illuso: I feel like he would be happy with something like making jewelry or objects from beads - he would love all the different kinds and the glittery results... but I want to kick him out of his comfort zone same as the rest, so how about something a bit more risky and labor intensive like glass blowing? He'd be on edge about handling molten glass, but if he can get past his anxieties and the first lopsided pieces he made, he could make something unique!

Sorbet: With him, a reasonable thing might be crochet, since you need very few materials to start out and you can literally undo your entire work at any stage to just make a new thing without waste. To really push him, he needs to engage with something that seems really "wasteful" and cannot be undone. Felting might be interesting for that very reason, and though the results are shabby, his use of darker colors does make things more presentable.

Gelato: It's hard to give him just one easy hobby because this mad lad will thrive on anything where precision is not vital to success; literally all of the above are within his reach except maybe knitting. Now something like patchwork might be more of a challenge because it requires him to measure and align things manually, and there are set patterns he has to adhere to, so unless he's making it for Sorbet, he might not even get halfway with the work...

BONUS: I just remembered this from my Twitter...

[crybabyddl]

I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE TO REITERATE SOMETHING

Yes, let’s circle back to the beautiful performance of Edge of Great. More specifically the BODY LANGUAGE, particularly Julie and Luke’s, which I will be analyzing with gifs.

Exhibit A

Jealous Luke looks over at Julie and Reggie vibing

Julie is aware that she’s avoiding Luke, which she is doing so bc she realized her feelings for him thanks to Flynn earlier in the episode.

Since Julie has put the task of ignoring Luke upon herself even though she has no obligation to, she ends up failing her own mission. She sees Luke’s reaction to the lack of her attention.

She literally FREEZES. She’s emotionally worried to confront what she’s feeling and it’s beginning to manifest physically.

Exhibit B

It gets better y’all. After Luke finally has even a crumb of Julie’s attention, he beckons her over with his signature head tilt. This is important bc he did this with his longtime bandmate during the soundcheck of what would’ve been their biggest performance. If he feels comfortable enough using that body language with a girl he’s only known for, what, a week and a half(?) then you know this puppy boy’s got it BAD.

Julie is well aware that Luke is getting jealous. But in classic Julie fashion, she will try to tune it out instead of addressing it. Our wicked beauty doesn’t like confrontation and would rather just deny and avoid than potentially make things awkward, especially when she knows Luke would ask her about it at a later time.

The look on Julie’s face. Her eyes widen and the classic tight-lipped awkward smile is present. She’s literally saying “ok enough of that let’s get back to work doo doo doo” with her face. The way her body SWINGS back into performance mode as she faces the audience again. It may have been a split second, but when you’re deliberately trying to avoid looking into the dreamy (dead) eyes of someone you shouldn’t be crushing on, any amount of time feels too long. Plus, she knows Flynn is watching and doesn’t want her to lecture her (but she does anyway bc Flynn is observant and knows her bestie too well to let any action slip past her).

Exhibit C

Keep in mind; NONE OF THE GUYS KNOW WHY JULIE IS AVOIDING LUKE. Flynn, Alex, and Reggie have noticed the Juke chemistry, but it’s still too soon for them to get past the “we like each other but we’re too clueless to notice that we reciprocate” phase, so even though their respective besties know, they are still denying. Besides, Reg, Alex, and Flynn know better than to keep pestering if they want to keep their kneecaps. In reality they’re both smart enough to tell by this point, but for the sake of the plot and to make everything more adorably frustrating, Flynn has the collective brain cell under lock and key, leaving Juke to be like *dog tilting its head and making that “a-roo?” noise*

Anyway, Reggie notices Luke being snubbed after realizing that his extra dose of Julie time was slightly out of the ordinary. Luke is clearly concerned (look at his eyebrows and how his eyes travel from Reggie, to Julie, then to the audience to trying and get his mind off it and bring his focus back to the main goal; the performance.) If he can’t have the moment of connection with Julie that he so desperately craves, he’s gonna fill that void as best he can by connecting with the audience. >:’)

But Reggie’s trying to help Luke brush it off by conveying his reaction as ‘look at julie coming into her own! i told you she was a star! and you thought you were the lead singer? think again buddy this girl’s got you beat!’

But since Reggie isnt a master at hiding his feelings yet, especially around Luke, —who was able to get under his skin earlier (“girls, am i right?”)—Luke was easily able to see through that and interpreted what Reggie was saying as “look at julie go, she all in the zone. you’re literally making heart eyes at her get a grip you’re slacking lmao” (hence luke’s right eyebrow quirking at reggie like ‘dude seriously gimme a break u know i need attention like tinkerbell’) even though Reggie’s true message was a bit less harsh and more lovingly teasing, but it’s Luke, he sees things through his eyes and at his intensity, regardless of who it’s coming from. (This is one of the reasons why Luke comes off as selfish at times.)

Exhibit D

Poor Lukey boi can’t seem to catch a break today! Not only does Julie ignore him, then has a cute lil (platonic but it’s luke so it still makes him jealous >:P) moment, but now she has the AUDACITY to interact with Alex? The guy who was out learning Ghost 101 with this Willie guy instead of rehearsing with the band? What gives?! What’s he got that your moody ghost bf doesn’t? >:’(

He literally just watches, and even glances back in a way that, to me, screams ‘did i see that right? did i just see what i just saw with my own dreamy (but dead) eyes? say sike rn.’ \_(*_*)_/

Meanwhile, Alex pays no mind. I like to think that Alex is fully aware that Luke is an angry boy rn, but has learned to ignore it, especially this bc literally NOTHING happened. Either that or Alex has no clue and just truly thinks nothing of it and is having too much fun to think about Luke’s moody and childish behavior. Either way, Alex is just straight chilling and we love to see it *^_^*

Notice how Reggie is right there vibing with Julie and Alex. Luke feels a bit betrayed like ‘not you too! i know you were the first to turn on me but i figured since you’re such a golden retriever you’d be loyal and come back to my side!😠🥲’

Also; Luke approaches the rest of the group, wanting to be included in at least SOME of the vibing, but when Julie starts dancing and smiling with her buddy Alex, he backs up like

“you know what? nope. nevermind. not doin’ it.”

and the group’s like “i mean hey it’s your loss, but luke we want you to-”

“no, bc you chose to piss me off right in front of my face so no luke time for any of you! no cuddles, no hugs, no nothing! you made your bed, now lie in it and perish.”

Exhibit E & F: This is where it gets a bit interesting and theorized hehe...

Now we all know that this moment is just fucking ICONIC

WEOWH NEOW NEOW!!! WEOW NEHR NEHR NER-NER-NER NEHR NEHR NEOWHR!!! (wer nehr-nehr-ner-ner-nehr-nehr!!) WUEHNER-NEUHNER-NEHR-NEEOW-NEOWH! DLOOLOODDUH-DOODLAH-HOOBLUEH-NEOWHR-NEUEHR-NEEEEEEUOWRH!!!!

But hear me out– HEAR ME OUT!

What if... now don’t shoot the messenger who just so happens to also be the theorist... but what if...

WHAT IF!!! Luke didn’t!! plan this?!!!

Listen i know you’re probably thinking:

“Well uh Nicole, isn’t that kinda the whole point? It literally wasn’t planned until Charlie realized Madi was gonna be standing on the piano so he suggested the idea for the guitar solo to Kenny.”

And you’re right! But here’s the kicker:

What if Luke THE CHARACTER, just decided to do this as an “Alright that’s it! You wanna be like that? Well what if I just hit you with my super awesome radical totally cool wowza guitar skills & make a moment between us? Huh? What do you think about that? Hmm? HMMM???!!!”

He licks his lips & that to me read** like he was nervous (**read rhyming with bed just to clarify) so that means it could’ve been a spontaneous, spur-of-the-moment thing.

In the second gif, you can see that Julie’s head is tilted, as if she’s a bit confused, but she’s also delightfully surprised.

Julie is quick to smile and scrunch her nose at Luke, something she does often. It tells Luke his impulsive action garnered a positive response from his favorite girl. Julie also starts to shake her head, but doesn’t go through the motion in full, which means she’s still a bit nervous to let her guard down. This is probably because she doesn’t know what he’s thinking or what he will do next. The lopsided smile mixed with the suave, gliding steps towards her probably brought her back to her daydream lol.

Luke’s happy bc Julie’s no longer ignoring him. He smiles like a GOOBER bc this chump is simping HARD for our Julie. So cute! :’)

Exhibit G

And hear me when I offer this:

What if Luke poofed the guys out???

I know, I know. It’s a bold claim to make. But the boys are special, considering they are a threat to Caleb (3 gay-variant himbos vs. a gay magician that could’ve been on broadway but decided to make some sort of deal with a devil so he just entertains capitalists who most likely sold their souls to get into the hgc which i will probably elaborate on in a future theory so dont do that bc im gonna lmao idc we all have big brains) So it’s not too crazy to think that they could share some ghost powers.

We know Caleb transported the guys during You Got Nothing to Lose. And the guys have left a place at the exact same time on more than one occasion.

And you may be thinking “well what if the guys poofed out to give juke a moment alone together?” And to that I say...

Look at Reggie. He isn’t looking back at Alex like “dude let’s give them some space.”

The timing of him turning around, at least to me, makes me think Reggie was surprised by Luke approaching the piano. (But also he lowkey was waiting for Luke to prove him wrong by doing something to get Julie’s attention so Reggie isn’t mad. Neither is Alex but he doesn’t like being told how or WHEN to ghost) Luke doesn’t even give his bandmates a warning eyebrow quirk, a hand signal, nothing. Reggie turns to Alex like ‘dude what is he DOING?’ And before he can even really convey that, they go *POOF*

This man had a plan and he was gonna do it, so he did. Whether it’s the power of love, they stopped performing, or Reggie and Alex actually poofed out, the odds worked in Luke’s favor so he and Julie could have a super special moment, a moment special enough to make an actual living person (Nick) wonder if a “hologram” has a better chance at connecting with Julie than he does.

Again, regardless of who made them poof or how they poofed, they mf poofed so Luke’s a happy hamster. (Idk it just sounded fitting instead of happy camper lol wait what if someone had 3 pet hamsters and named them alex reggie and luke🥺 someone buy some hamsters and let me be their godmother or their aunt and i’ll love them from afar.) Anyway, Luke’s thriving, flourishing, his crops are going to grow in time for the harvest.

You can see Julie lean back as she turns to see Luke. It’s... almost as if... She. Wasn’t. Expecting. Him. To. Be. There..??

Honey badger Luke bc he DGAF <|:) Bitch, it’s Luke mf Patterson and he’s gonna,, GET! IN! YOUR! FAAAACE!!!

You CANNOT tell me he’s not doing the absolute MOST to try and seduce Miss Juliana Mariposa Rose Molina.

Yes I’m making a headcanon that Julie has TWO middle names and that one of them is the spanish word for butterfly and that the other is her mother’s name. Also yes, I believe (i believe that we’re just one dream away from who we’re– oh, that’s not what we’re doing? okay, sorry!) that Juliana is Julie’s full name.

In this house we love and respect Juliana Mariposa (Dahlia)** Rose Molina

**I’m just putting Dahlia there for fun bc I can. :) Whether I’d consider it a possible middle name of hers depends. Anyway I just thought it was a cute thing to add bc it goes along with the other middle names I gave her *^_^* Also, I feel like I made a post giving a bunch of the characters middle names lemme see if I can find it later)

Ok i’m done this took me basically all day from like 10am until 4:08. I obviously took breaks in between, but not long ones...😶

[reinerispretty]

reminiscence. (? x f!reader) pt10

hello!!!!!! we r back with another edition of this fic hehe. thank u all for ur support, i appreciate u so much! it’s also five am and i am not even tired so rip. 

also!! who do u think reader should end up with? i have it decided but i’m willing to hear reasoning and perhaps be persuaded ;)

pt1

pt9

pt11

“So, where do we find this Iroh guy?” Mako asked.

“You think he has any relation to General Iroh?” Bolin questioned. “I mean, how many Iroh’s can there really be, y’know?”

“He’s Iroh as in, Zuko and Iroh,” Korra informed them, and Bolin let out a shocked gasp. While she was nervous about getting her memories back, (Y/N) would definitely be grateful not to be absolutely lost when things were discussed.

A Republic City winter was nothing compared to a South Pole winter. (Y/N) was cold while she slept, cold while she moved, cold while she stood still! Korra’s mom had her wrapped up in so many different coats, furs, and blankets that she waddled while she walked. “How are you okay right now?” She asked Korra as they walked to breakfast together. “I feel like my nose is going to fall off.” 

Korra looked back and flashed her a smile. “It’s all I’ve ever known! You just kind of get used to it.” (Y/N) frowned. She couldn’t imagine ever getting used to weather like this. 

As they sat and ate their breakfast--(Y/N) tried to eat, but the layers made it hard to bend her elbows--they discussed their plan for the day. Led by Tonraq, they would travel by snowmobile to the Spirit World Portal. It was a long trip, so they would have to camp for the night, but the next day they would be trekking through the Spirit World looking for answers. “It’s warm there,” Korra said, nudging (Y/N) with her elbow. She smiled gratefully. 

She decided to ride on the back of Korra’s snowmobile. Bolin would be on the back of Asami’s and while Mako also had his own, (Y/N) wasn’t sure if she wanted to have her arms wrapped around him for the entire trip, especially when they hadn’t discussed the things that happened between them. Her and Mako hadn’t discussed things at all, really. She knew they were on better terms since the first time they met, but he was so guarded and she was so scared that anything Mako had to say to her, she might not want to hear. 

So, she waddled over to Korra’s snowmobile. “Mind if I ride with you?” She asked as Korra secured their supplies. 

“Not at all!” Korra said, her face lighting up. Then she cleared her throat and turned her eyes back to tying knots. “Just be sure you hold on tight, okay?” (Y/N) nodded, managing a joking salute. 

She wrapped her arms around Korra’s middle as tightly as she could, but it must not have been enough because as soon as Korra hit the gas, (Y/N) was flung off, landing on her back in the snow. She let out a shout of surprise, followed by a groan as she opened her eyes and saw Korra staring down at her. She wore a humored smile on her face. “I told you to hold on tight!” 

“I was!” (Y/N) insisted as Korra helped her get back to her feet. She pulled some rope from their side pouch and wrapped it around (Y/N’s) waist, then tied it to her own.

“We do this for little kids sometimes, so they don’t get lost in the snow.” (Y/N) narrowed her eyes and stuck her tongue out at her. Korra laughed at the childishness and helped her get back on the snowmobile. Then they were off, (Y/N) much more secured this time around. 

As they rode through the snowy hills, (Y/N) leaned her head on Korra’s back, taking in the sights of the Southern Water Tribe. Far out where the sea was, icy glaciers poked through the inky waters, shimmering against the sunlight. Everything was rather sparkly; if (Y/N) looked at the snow for too long her eyes felt sore. She turned her head and waved a gloved hand at Bolin, who gave her a thumbs up from his position behind Asami. 

Sometimes, when she looked at Bolin, it physically hurt her heart. She knew it was some sort of physical reaction, something her body remembered that her head didn’t. The feeling increased when he had referred to them as being friends. There was nothing wrong with being friends, in fact she supposed that was better than any other alternative, but even now she had always thought there was something more between them. Perhaps she had interpreted everything wrong. There was a giant piece of her memory missing, after all, and all she knew was that she had really messed up Bolin when she had left. It was probably better if they were just friends. Bolin was great and she didn’t want to lose him a second time. 

Their ride was so long that (Y/N) had eventually fallen asleep against Korra’s back, only to be awoken by the snowmobile coming to a jolted stop. She awoke and squeaked in fear, gripping on tighter to Korra. 

“Sorry!” She said. “I’ve never been really good at breaking.” 

“You’re going to tell me that after I spent hours on a giant metal deathtrap with you?” (Y/N) huffed. 

“It wasn’t that bad considering you were snoring into my back,” Korra quipped, quickly turning herself around so she could untie them. “You sounded like a lion turtle.” 

“I don’t even know what that is, but I’m sure you’re wrong.” (Y/N) slid off the snowmobile and began untying the packs. 

“Lion turtles used to carry cities on their backs and bestow the gift of bending to humans occasionally.” 

“Think we’ll find one in the Spirit World to grant me some powers?” (Y/N) asked. “What element do you think I’d bend? I think fire’s pretty cool but-” 

“Oh, you’d be an airbender for sure,” Korra said as she hoisted two packs onto her back. (Y/N’s) face lit up.

“Really! Why do you think that? Is it because of my calm and collected nature?” 

“It’s because you talk so much,” Korra explained. “You’re constantly bending air with your mouth.” She booped (Y/N) on the nose before making her way to the rest of the group. 

“You’re hilarious! (Y/N) called after her, gathering her own packs onto her back. “Why don’t you stop being the Avatar and become a comedian instead!” 

They set up their tents and made fire, which was easy work considering two out of the six people in the party were firebenders. As soon as (Y/N) finished her tasks she sat in front of the fire. She was probably too close, but she didn’t care. It’s warmth, albeit small, made her feel just a smidge less cold than she had been, and she’d take it. The rest of their group soon joined her, Asami sitting on one side and Korra sitting on the other. She appreciated the girls protecting her from any awkwardness that could potentially ensue from being near the boys. 

“I’m thinking when we get to the Spirit World, we’ll try our luck at finding Iroh,” Korra explained. “He’s always got spirits around him, maybe one of them will know who took (Y/N’s) memories.”

“And if they don’t?” Mako questioned. “We can’t just wander around the Spirit World hoping for some clue.” 

“Maybe I’ll start remembering again,” (Y/N) suggested. “Like when Bolin took me to the spot where we met. I got that memory back.” 

“You also threw up and passed out from that,” Asami reminded her. (Y/N) pursed her lips. 

“I can handle it,” (Y/N) reassured them. “At this point, I’ll do whatever it takes to get my memories back.” 

“The Spirit World is magnificent, but it’s also dangerous,” Tonraq said. Night had fallen, and his face was illuminated only by the fire. “They might not be happy to see humans there, especially after what happened last time.” 

“I’m the Avatar,” Korra said. “They have to at least listen to me.” 

“I just want you all to be careful. Whatever took (Y/N’s) memories has to be powerful. Maybe dangerous.” 

“We’ll be careful, Dad,” Korra reassured her father. Tonraq trusted his daughter’s abilities, that was obvious, but the worry he held for her was still evident on his features. (Y/N) swallowed, her mouth feeling dry. She hadn’t really considered that this could be a dangerous mission. If she was being honest, she had never really thought this far ahead. She had spent every day maneuvering around the different dynamics of the four friends, making sure that she didn’t overstep her boundaries or create unnecessary problems. She hadn’t considered what would be waiting for them on the other side of the Spirit Portal, or that the people she had grown to cherish would be put in danger for her sake. 

Asami passed around their food and (Y/N) ate silently, considering this information. Her friends talked around her, but she was so distracted that their comments went in one ear and out the other. Once she finally zoned back in, it was just her, Korra, and Mako sitting around the fire. 

Korra let out a big yawn, stretching her arms. “I’m absolutely beat,” She said. “I think I’m gonna turn in. You coming?” (Y/N) shook her head.

“I think I’ll stay near the warmth just a little longer.” Korra nodded and gave them a sloppy salute as she waded through the snow and to the tent she shared with Asami and (Y/N). It was just her and Mako now. 

She stared at the flames of the fire and how they danced in the cold night air. Should she say something to Mako? This was the first time they had been alone together and neither of them had immediately made up somewhere else they needed to be. They’d be heading to the Spirit World tomorrow, so if there was any time for them to communicate, it should be now. 

(Y/N) adjusted her coat, huddling further inside it. “Want me to make it bigger?” Mako asked, and (Y/N) nearly jumped, surprised to hear him talking to her. She looked at him, eyes wide and not quite understanding what he was talking about. “The fire, you want me to make it bigger?” 

“Oh, no, that’s okay,” She said. Mako stared at her for a moment before making the fire larger and while she had said she hadn’t wanted that, (Y/N) was grateful. It was so hard to be straightforward with Mako sometimes, because of the way he jumbled her brain. It was like she didn’t even recognize herself when she was around him anymore. Before, only one emotion accompanied being around Mako, and that was anger. Now, (Y/N) felt a whole range of emotions when she looked at his amber eyes. “I think we should talk,” She said finally, wincing at how small her voice sounded. 

“I think so too,” And he gave her a half smile. (Y/N) nodded, but both of them remained silent. How should she start? How did people even communicate properly? Perhaps the thing (Y/N) was most excited about getting her memories back was how to talk to people normally. She felt so awkward! 

“Why’d you kiss me?” She asked suddenly, her face heating from embarrassment. Mako’s eyebrows shot to the top of his forehead. 

“Oh,” He coughed. “I mean, well, it’s a little--it’s like--” (Y/N) couldn’t help giggling. “What’s so funny?” 

“Nothing!” She insisted, biting down her smile. “You just...you seem so tough and confident and aloof sometimes that it’s funny to see you act so...” 

“Embarrassing?” He guessed. (Y/N) shook her head. 

“Normal?” She tilted her head and shrugged. “You don’t always have to wear this tough guy act, you know.” 

“It’s not an act,” Mako insisted, but he and (Y/N) exchanged a look that had them both stifling back their laughter. “Maybe sometimes. People believe you’re tough if you act like it. Keeps you from getting your stuff stolen when you’re sleeping in a gutter.” 

“You grew up on the streets?” (Y/N) guessed. Mako nodded. 

“Sometimes I forget what you know and what you don’t.” 

“Me too, if we’re being honest.” They paused into a silence that wasn’t necessarily uncomfortable, just full of anticipation. “They teach you how to dodge questions on the streets, too?” 

Mako sighed, running a hand through his black hair. “It’s not easy for me to explain stuff like this. Bolin’s the one that can talk about emotions and feelings.” 

(Y/N) smiled. “Bolin can talk about anything.” 

“When we were arguing on that balcony, I wasn’t just angry at you for being here. You hurt Bolin a long time ago, but watching you be with my brother and knowing that I could never be with you...that hurt, too. You were so close to me that night and something inside of me said I should kiss you and once the idea popped into my head, I couldn’t get it out. I think I hoped that once I did it, it’d be some sort of release. Like a way to get it all out so I’d stop feeling like that.” 

“Was it?” 

Mako looked directly into her eyes. Normally, his gaze would make (Y/N) feel weird and she would have to look away. She couldn’t bring herself to do that tonight. 

“Not at all,” He admitted. “I thought I had gotten over you once you disappeared, but once you came back it all hit me full force.” 

(Y/N) thought for a moment about what she wanted to say. Then, she took a deep breath. “I don’t have any memories to base my feelings off of. But there are certain things, feelings, that I remember that I can’t place. They’re just there.” She placed a hand over her heart. “It happens when I look at Bolin. I remember feelings, like sadness and regret, but I don’t know why. It’s overwhelming sometimes, discerning emotions. The things that I feel for Bolin, they’re like past feelings that I’m remembering. Kind of.” She squinted her eyes shut. She wasn’t sure if she was explaining this right, but she was trying her best. “But when I look at you, now that the anger has subsided, I feel things now. Being around you feels nice and when you talk to me, I feel very...light and relieved. I can barely hold your gaze without blushing, and--and I think about you. A lot more than a friend should, I think.” 

“But,” She continued. “I don’t have all of my memories back. I don’t know how or why I left and I don’t know if things will change once I do.” 

“I get it,” Mako said. “As much as someone with memories can.” (Y/N) gave him a small smile. “And I don’t want to confuse you even more, because I’m sure being around Bolin is confusing enough as it is.” 

“You have no idea,” (Y/N) breathed. 

“I’m glad I told you. Almost two years and I finally admitted to my brother’s ex-girlfriend that I had a crush on her the whole time. This is a big day for me.” 

“The whole time?” (Y/N) questioned. “When did you realize that you liked me?” 

“I think Kya told us that we couldn’t share too much about the past with you, or else you might lose your memories forever?” (Y/N) pouted. “Fine, but if you can’t get your memories back, don’t blame me.” The wind picked up over them and he scooted closer to her so that he wouldn’t have to shout over it.

“Aye-aye, Captain,” (Y/N) said, giving a small salute. She rested her chin in the palm of her glove in order to pay attention. 

“There was this one time when you got to our place. Bolin wasn’t there yet, I think he was out performing tricks with Pabu. It was cold outside, one of the coldest days Republic City had had in a while. You came in and you were like an icicle. You were shaking and had forgotten your coat and decided to walk halfway across the city to our place. I gave you a blanket and one of Bolin’s coats, but your hands were still like ice, so I used a little firebending to warm them up.” Mako remembered the feeling of your hands completely encased in his. “I held your hands for a while, until they were warm enough. I got up to leave for work and you grabbed my hand and pulled me back down onto the couch. You said, ‘Stay, Mako! I love having you around.’ So, I stayed. We talked all day until Bolin got home, and I ended up losing that job, but spending that time with you made it all worth it.” 

(Y/N) sat silently for a long while before saying, “I’m sorry for making you lose your job.” 

Mako laughed. “It’s cool,” He said. “I wasn’t a very good delivery boy anyway.” 

(Y/N) pulled off her gloves, exposing her hands to the cold winter air. “Do you think you could...?” She offered her hands to Mako. He gave her a small smile and nodded, removing his own gloves and taking her hands in his. (Y/N) let out a happy sigh of relief at the feeling of warmth that emanated from his skin. 

“I’m sorry for being so mean to you at first,” Mako said. “I just didn’t want Bolin to get hurt again.” 

“I understand,” She said quietly. “I’d probably do the same if I were you.” Cautiously, she leaned her head on Mako’s shoulder. They sat like that for a long while, staring at the fire as Mako held her hands in his. While she was probably even more confused about her emotions than before, part of her hoped that whatever happened in the Spirit World wouldn’t change how she was feeling right now. She wanted to see where this could go. 

---

Once the cold became too much for either of them to bear, Mako and (Y/N) parted ways. Korra and Asami were fast asleep when she entered their tent and slid into her sleeping bag. She fell asleep quickly, her hands still warm, but it felt like she was asleep for only moments when Korra shook her awake in the morning. 

“One more hour,” (Y/N) grumbled, rolling over to avoid Korra’s gaze. The Avatar scoffed. 

“I already let you sleep in as late as possible!” She gently kicked (Y/N’s) butt. “Up! Spirit World today, woohoo!” A very groggy (Y/N) reluctantly left the warmth of her sleeping bag. The early morning sun was absolutely blinding as she walked out of the tent. (Y/N) let out an unhappy grumble. 

“Tea?” Asami offered, handing (Y/N) a thermos. (Y/N) smiled gratefully at her and took a long sip of the beverage, feeling it warm her from the inside out. 

“Thank you so much!” (Y/N) said. “I needed that.” 

“You were up pretty late,” Asami said, giving her a knowing smile. “Any particular reason?” (Y/N) shrugged playfully as she loaded her sleeping bag onto Korra’s snowmobile. 

“Mako and I finally talked.” 

“And? How’d that go?” Asami glanced over at Mako’s who sleepily nodded at whatever Bolin was excitedly saying to him. (Y/N) lightly slapped her friend’s arm. 

“Don’t stare!” She laughed. “It went fine. We talked about our feelings, actually.” Asami’s eyes widened in excitement and she opened her mouth to say something, but (Y/N) cut her off. “And while there are some feelings there, I told him how until I got my memories back, nothing could be certain.” 

Asami hummed in approval. “Seems like a good resolution.” 

“What’s a good resolution?” Korra came over to tie her own belongings to the snowmobile. 

“Mako and (Y/N) finally talked about their kiss.” 

“Woah!” Korra exclaimed. “Are you guys dating now?” 

“I’m missing like seventy-five percent of my memories and you think we’d be dating?” (Y/N) snipped. Korra shrugged. 

“I don’t know what goes on in your head!” 

“Like I told Asami, it was a good conversation. We talked about our feelings but I said that until I got my memories back, nothing could be done. I mean, what if I get them back and there was actually a non-Spirit World reason for why I was so awful to Bolin?” (Y/N) shook her head. “I was honest about how I felt and I think that’s good progress.”

“You know Korra,” Asami started. “Weren’t you telling me yesterday how much your bag hurt from having (Y/N) hold onto you?” 

“What? No?” Korra said, furrowing her dark brows. Asami elbowed her sharply in the side. 

“Remember? You said she held on too tight? Don’t you think that today you should ride on the snowmobile by yourself, since you’ll need to be at your best Avatar abilities in the Spirit World?” 

“I know what you guys are doing and I’m having absolutely none of it!” (Y/N) insisted. “I’m riding with Korra, end of story.” 

“Oh, I see what’s happening here,” Korra said. She placed her hands on her lower back. “Oh, yep, there’s definitely a tough knot there and it’s all (Y/N’s) fault. I don’t think I can ride on a snowmobile with you anymore.” 

“I thought the Avatar was supposed to bring peace, but all you’re causing is chaos,” (Y/N) hissed. 

“Hey, Mako!” Asami called out. Mako looked over to them, raising a questioning eyebrow as (Y/N) banged her head against the snowmobile. “Do you think (Y/N) can ride with you for today? Korra’s back is absolutely killing her.” 

“Ow~!” Korra drawled dramatically. 

“Uh, sure?” Mako questioned. He walked over to Korra’s vehicle and untied (Y/N’s) pack from it. “I think Tonraq said we were leaving in a few minutes, so I’ll be over there.” 

“Sounds great, she’ll be right there,” Asami said. 

“I’m not going,” (Y/N) said with a shake of her head. 

“I thought you said it was a good conversation?” Korra questioned. 

“You guys are so lucky I’m not a bender and I’m not very good at hand-to-hand combat because--” She shook her fist at both of them. “You’d be getting it!” She stomped over to Mako, a frown etched on her face. 

“Everything alright?” He asked. She let the frown fade from her face. 

“Everything’s fine,” She said with a sigh. “Korra and Asami are just being big pains.” 

“Don’t I know it.” Mako strapped his helmet and placed (Y/N’s) on top of her head, buckling it underneath her chin. He then tied a rope that connected the two of them, as Korra had done yesterday. “Safety first,” He said with a smile. (Y/N) felt her face flush as he helped her onto the snowmobile. Shyly, she wrapped her arms around his middle, and then they were off toward the Spirit World Portal. 

This trip was much shorter than the previous day’s. The portal was only an hour or two away from where they had camped. While (Y/N) was surprised that they had arrived so soon, there was no doubt that they were there, as the portal was a beam of warm yellow light that shot into the sky. It lay in the middle of the woods, only accessible by foot. 

They parked their snowmobiles on the outskirts of the woods. Tonraq began setting up his tent; they had agreed that someone should stay behind with a radio just in case anything went wrong and they needed backup. But to (Y/N’s) surprise, Asami was setting up her own tent as well. 

“You’re not coming with us?” She asked. Asami raised an eyebrow and shook her head. 

“We agreed before you woke up this morning that someone else should stay behind with Korra’s dad to help keep watch. You obviously need to go, as does Korra, and I knew Bolin and Mako would be absolutely horrible if they had no idea what was going on inside. So, I decided to stay.” 

(Y/N) frowned. While the reasoning was sound, it still made her sad that Asami wouldn’t be accompanying them on their journey. She and (Y/N) had developed a real friendship over the last few weeks. They had spent nearly all of their time together. It would be strange, not having her around. 

“Be safe, okay?” (Y/N) asked, throwing her arms around Asami and squeezing her into a hug. 

“You’re going into a completely new dimension and you’re telling me to be safe?” Asami laughed, but she wrapped her arms around (Y/N’s) frame and hugged tightly. “I can’t wait to hear all about your memories.” The two friends parted and (Y/N) lifted her pack onto her back. 

“Ready?” Korra asked, and she, Bolin, and Mako nodded. Their group said their goodbyes to Tonraq and Asami before Korra led them into the woods. 

“The last time I was here, I was frozen into a block of ice by an ex-girlfriend,” Bolin said. (Y/N) raised an eyebrow at him. “It wasn’t you! It was Korra’s cousin from the Northern Water Tribe.” 

“The one with the evil dad?” (Y/N) asked. 

“That’s the one!” Bolin nodded. 

“This is it,” Korra said as they stopped in front of the Spirit World Portal. (Y/N) could feel its energy radiating from outside the forest, but now it was even more prominent. “Next stop, Spirit World.” She turned around to look at (Y/N), whose face looked as if she had seen a ghost. “Everything alright?” 

(Y/N) nodded, gulping. “I’m okay,” She nodded again, trying to convince herself that she was speaking the truth. What if getting her memories back wasn’t necessarily a good thing? Something had blocked them out. Perhaps they had done it for her own benefit. But they had come this far, so she remained silent as she stepped through the threshold and into the Spirit World. 

It was an odd feeling, transitioning between two planes. It felt like each particle of (Y/N’s) body was buzzing, until suddenly she was on the other side and staring at so many colors, some that she was sure she had never seen before. She released the breath she had been holding as she stepped through. 

Indescribable beings flew overhead, cawing and cooing at them. Korra had been right: the Spirit World was significantly warmer than the South Pole. The group removed their jackets as (Y/N) took in her surroundings. Currently, they stood in the middle of a rocky wasteland, but patches of flowers and grass popped up here and there. In the middle stood a gnarled tree with a hollowed out middle. 

“That’s the Tree of Time,” Korra explained. “That’s where the first Avatar had imprisoned Vaatu, the dark spirit that I defeated a month ago. His energy made this part of the Spirit World a wasteland, but it’s healing.” 

“It’s beautiful,” (Y/N) breathed, and Korra smiled. Their group walked across the barren land to the greener parts of the Spirit World. Butterfly-like animals flittered around them as they walked and Korra explained her many trips to this place. Mako and Bolin had been here as well, although they had never been further than the Tree of Time. That helped (Y/N) feel less out of place. 

“So, where do we find this Iroh guy?” Mako asked. 

“You think he has any relation to General Iroh?” Bolin questioned. “I mean, how many Iroh’s can there really be, y’know?” 

“He’s Iroh as in, Zuko and Iroh,” Korra informed them, and Bolin let out a shocked gasp. While she was nervous about getting her memories back, (Y/N) would definitely be grateful not to be absolutely lost when things were discussed. 

“There it is!” Korra exclaimed, and then she started running. The others dashed behind her, not quite sure of where she was going, until a small house appeared seemingly out of nowhere and they were right in front of it. A small tea party of spirits and one human sat at a table in the garden. 

“Korra!” The old man exclaimed. “Welcome back! We were just about to start afternoon tea.” He peaked behind her at her friends. “And you brought company! The more the better, I think I have some extra teacups in the house.” 

“Hi, Iroh,” Korra said. “We really appreciate it, but we don’t really have time--” But the old man was already headed inside his house. When he returned, he held four additional teacups and a bright smile on his face. 

“Sit, sit,” He insisted. Korra looked to (Y/N), who shrugged, and dropped her backpack to the ground and took a seat. If having tea was what she needed to do in order to get her memories back, then she would do it. “You!” Iroh said as he placed (Y/N’s) teacup in front of her. “I’ve heard many things about you. Welcome back.” 

“Back?” (Y/N) questioned, looking at her friends. “I’ve been here before?” 

“You are (Y/N), yes?” She nodded. “When Korra first visited me to ask about you, I did not know much.” He placed a hand to the side of his mouth. “Spirits are horrible gossips sometimes, and I did not want to lead the Avatar on a path different from the one you must take. But I have asked many a visitor about you and they have all said the same thing: you were here, not too long ago, but you were here for a while.” 

“Why was she here?” Mako questioned before (Y/N) could. Iroh sighed as he poured their tea. 

“Whatever the reason, it was not good. Many of my friends say they saw her enter the dark part of our realm and she did not leave for a long time.” 

“It’s true!” One of the spirits interjected, an oddly blue wolf. “I saw you months ago with my own four eyes. You looked nothing like you do now. You came through the portals, yeah? Last time, someone brought you here the other way.” 

“You mean through meditation?” Korra asked. The spirit nodded. 

“Whatever it was, something powerful had to do it. I couldn’t do nothing like that.” 

“So, powerful spirit in the dark parts of the Spirit World. Forgive me if I’m wrong, but it doesn’t sound like something a good spirit would do.” (Y/N) looked to Iroh to confirm her suspicions. 

“Spirits are neither good nor bad, unless we are discussing Vaatu and Raava. But there are some spirits whose motives become skewed.” 

(Y/N) deflated in her seat. The spirit who had taken her memories was powerful and most likely dangerous. And if they found it, she would be leading her friends right to them. 

They finished their tea with Iroh before continuing on their journey. Bolin had talked excitedly with him about his adventures with Avatar Aang and Fire Lord Zuko, whoever those people were, and Iroh gave him a Jasmine Dragon teacup to take back to the mortal realm. The entire time that they talked, (Y/N) was incredibly distracted by what Iroh had told them. 

“We should go back,” (Y/N) said suddenly. All three of her friends stopped and looked at her as if she were insane. 

“But, you need to get your memories back,” Bolin said. 

“I’ll just start over,” She insisted. “I can start fresh. Whatever this spirit is, it isn’t good, and I don’t want to hand you guys to it on a silver platter. We’ll go back and I’ll just learn to live without my memories.” 

“There are pieces of you you’ll never get back. Important memories that might have meant a lot to you. You deserve answers, (Y/N), for everything that’s happened to you.” Bolin grabbed her hands and she felt that same shock of electricity run through her body every time he touched her. 

“It’s not worth it if it means you guys will get hurt.” 

“Stop trying to play hero,” Mako said suddenly, his voice much harsher than it had been the night before. “If we didn’t want to be here to help you, we wouldn’t be.” 

“You shouldn’t be helping me. You guys fight every day for the greater good, for the people of the world. I’m one person. You can’t get yourselves hurt over one person. This,” She gestured to the entirety of the Spirit World, but referred to their mission. “Isn’t as important than whatever is going on back in the mortal world.” 

“But you’re important,” Korra said suddenly. “You’re important to Bolin and Mako and you’ve become important to Asami and I. The Avatar fights for the greater good, but as your friend, I’ll do whatever it takes so that you can feel like yourself again.” 

(Y/N) felt her eyes watering. Why weren’t they getting it? “If anything happened to you guys while we’re here, I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself.” 

“And if we gave up on you, I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself,” Bolin said. She looked up at him through watery eyes. “No matter what we’ve been through, we care about you. I care about you. And we’re going to get that dumb spirit to give your memories back.” 

(Y/N) looked from him to Korra to Mako, whose head immediately turned as soon as her eyes landed on him. “Okay,” she said. “But I think this is a horrible idea.” 

“I find that horrible ideas make the best stories,” Bolin said with a smile.

---

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[pascalsky]

Pedro Pascal is flying high on The Mandalorian, but defining success by his earthly bonds

The Wonder Woman 1984 and The Mandalorian star is one of EW's Entertainers of the Year.

Human connection. It’s vital. Especially in a year like 2020. Especially for Pedro Pascal. So it’s ironic that the 45-year-old’s highest-profile success to date is working with an adorable animatronic puppet, inside a chrome helmet he famously can’t take off. "It is why I wanted to do this show. Selfishly, I knew [the Child, a.k.a. Baby Yoda] was likely to make people fall in love with the show," says Pascal of tackling the title role on The Mandalorian, the Emmy-nominated hit Star Wars series, which returned for its second season on Disney+ in October.

The Chilean-American actor has an eye for choosing projects where he’ll stand out, from popular network procedurals including The Good Wife, The Mentalist, and Law & Order to his breakout roles as the charming — and horny — Oberyn Martell on Game of Thrones and, soon after, DEA agent Javier Peña on Net­flix’s Narcos. But it’s the stoic bounty hunter safeguarding a frog-egg-eating 50-year-old toddler that’s made him a house­hold name. The new season of The Mandalorian followed Pascal’s galaxy-traveling warrior as he searched for the home of the Child, generating countless memes in the process.

Playing the Mandalorian has been one of the hardest and most unique experiences of Pascal's career to date. At this point, it's no secret that he wasn't physically under the helmet as much as he would've liked in season 1 and recorded his dialogue in post-production to match what his doubles, stunt actors Brendan Wayne and Lateef Crowder, did on set in the armor. Giving a largely vocal performance was a challenge for a physical actor like Pascal, who is almost unrecognizable when you compare his turns on The Good Wife and Game of Thrones, for example, because of how he carries himself. Yet, being on set way more in The Mandalorian season 2 didn't make his job any easier because he still had to figure how to make Mando compelling while also being as economical as possible in his physical movements and vocal performance.

"I'm not even sure if I would be able to do it if it weren't for the amount of direct experience that I've had with being on stage to understand how to posture yourself, how to physically frame yourself into something and to tell a story with a gesture, with a stance, or with very, very specific vocal intonation," says Pascal, who believes his collaborative relationship with creator Jon Favreau and executive producer Dave Filoni, a.k.a. his "Mandalorian papas," also helped him inhabit the role in season 2.

Speaking of collaboration: Working with comedian Amy Sedaris, who plays gruff Tatooine mechanic Peli Motto, was one of the highlights of The Mandalorian’s sophomore season. “I followed Amy Sedaris around like a puppy. [I was] like, ‘Hey again. I’m not leaving your side until you wrap,’ and she’s like, ‘Cool,’” Pascal says. “I love the Child — it really is adorable — and it is so fascinating to see it work, but somebody who makes you spit-laugh right into your helmet will always be my favorite thing."

Pascal longed for those kinds of interactions during quarantine, which proved difficult for the actor who was living alone in Los Angeles. But he lights up, is even giddy at times, when the conversation turns to bonding with the Community cast right before a charity table read back in May (he filled in for Walton Goggins), or FaceTiming his friends to celebrate Joe Biden and Kamala Harris' election victory on Nov. 7. "Ahhhh! Ahhhh!" Pascal exclaims, reenacting the joyous calls with buddies like Oscar Isaac that Saturday morning. "It was screaming and jumping and dancing and crying…. I very arrogantly took screenshots of everything and [shared them], like, 'I am a part of this!'”

"I'd be less nervous playing tennis in front of the Obamas than I was seeing a reunion of these people that I think are brilliant and have this incredible chemistry with each other and stepping in and having really, really, bad technology in this new space that I had moved into. I really resented having to actually participate acting-wise because there were instances where it was way too much fun to watch."

- PEDRO PASCAL ON SHOOTING THE COMMUNITY TABLE READ.

His appreciation for those around him has only grown during the pandemic. Before flying to Budapest to film The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent with Nicholas Cage, Pascal leaned on his bubble for support. Community's Gillian Jacobs, for example, hosted him for an outdoor socially distanced pizza night every Saturday in the early weeks of lockdown. (He suspects that's why he was recruited for the sitcom's table read when Goggins couldn't participate.) "The friends that got me through it are absolutely everything to me and very beautifully marked in my head. I've got old friends and new friends that literally did nothing short of parent me through the experience," says Pascal, who has "survivor's remorse" for being in Europe right now. "I feel guilty not being [in the States] with my friends through [this tumultuous time] but also grateful that, individually, I was able to gain a little bit of separation from the stress of it."

Those tight bonds helped redefine, or at least clarify, what success means to him. "I want to make sure that my relationships are right, and I want to make sure I'm nurturing meaning in a sustaining way, and that won't necessarily be related to getting good jobs and making lots of money," he says. But he'll take them — as he did for both of his 2020 projects, about which he's thrilled. And how could he not be, starring in two of the year's most feverishly anticipated properties?

Besides The Mandalorian, Pascal appears in Patty Jenkins' superhero epic Wonder Woman 1984, which has endured a Homeric journey to its release (read: several pandemic-related delays). Thankfully, the odyssey is almost over because Warner Bros. recently confirmed that it will open in both theaters and on HBO Max on Dec. 25. Pascal is stoked audiences will finally see his turn as the villainous Maxwell Lord because playing the greedy dream-seller pushed him out of his post-Game of Thrones action role comfort zone.

"With Wonder Woman, [Gal Gadot and Kristen Wiig] are doing the action, baby, and I'm doing the schm-acting!" he says, hilariously elongating that final syllable. "I am hamming it up!" (Indeed, Pascal reveals Cage inspired his performance in one particular scene.)

But Pascal felt he was up to the challenge because everything he needed was right there in the screenplay, which Jenkins co-wrote with Geoff Johns and David Callaham. "I didn't have to take something and figure out how to put more flesh onto it. I had to achieve getting into the skin of what was being presented to me," he says, contrasting the experience with playing a DEA agent for three seasons on Narcos. "For me, Colombia was almost the central character, and then I was allowed to make him depressive and to tonally interpret what the character was. And in this case [on Wonder Woman 1984], there was just so much for me to meet rather than to invent."

He continues: "That was an incredible delight and challenge because Patty Jenkins is a director who loves actors and when she sees she can ask for more, she does. And there isn't anyone better, in my experience, to give more to."

In 2021, he rejoins the good guys as an aging superhero and father in Robert Rodriguez's kid-friendly Netflix drama We Can Be Heroes. The inherent optimism of the Netflix film's title also complements Pascal's hope for the new year. Says Pascal, ”If [fear] can take a little bit of a backseat and not be the main character in everybody’s life, that would be great.”

SOURCE

[imreallyhereforkataang]

hello, i don’t know who to ask about this but i’m new to the fandom and saw that you really like kataang. what’s your interpretation of katara’s glance down after the kiss before the invasion? i’m not a fan of the surprise kiss trope but even with that said, i had thought she liked him back. it didn’t seem like she did at that point or through the rest of book 3, and then next thing we knew they were endgame in the finale. sorry for being a bother, i’m just a little confused (like katara i guess haha)

Hi, Anon! Welcome to the fandom! Hopefully it treats you nicely lol.

Ah yeah. I've seen this talked about a lot over the years. And, y'know, I get it. It can seem a little out-of-place at first since, as you noted, Katara shows signs of being romantically interested in Aang beforehand, and now that they've had their second kiss, she doesn't look too happy about it. As someone who ships them, I initially would have loved to see them happy in that moment, to take another minute to themselves just to share grins and maybe laugh a bit because they've taken that step, put their feelings out into the open, and they're both glad for it. To a shipper, or to someone who's rooting for our protagonist to express his feelings, this does feel like a celebratory moment. I'm taken out of the context of the scene for a second because the pretty music has shot in and I'm still surprised at Aang's move and I'm happy to see an actual, mutual (as Katara leans in) kiss between them.  

Then again, this situation is a lot realer for them than it is for me. I'm the viewer, I can hear The Cave of Two Lovers' theme, I can see this being painted in a positive light because we see these two come together for a brief moment, and the narrative is, in a sense, praising that. In-universe, though, it's a bit more complicated, and Katara looking sad really isn't so out-of-place.

Remember where they are and what they're doing, what they were saying moments before and what they're about to risk. For them, this is the quiet before the storm, their possibly final goodbye. Aang is about to fly off and face his destiny, confront what he's been training for over most of the year, "since the day we met" as Katara puts it, and determine the fate of the world based on whether he wins or loses. Whether he comes back or not. And he puts the reality of the situation out there. "What if...what if I don't come back?" It's the threat of that possibility that spurs him to kiss Katara. And she figures as much.

Despite the music suggesting otherwise, this isn't a happy scene (and perhaps that's why we don't get the full score until the finale, because this kiss is only foreshadowing what could be). It's tense, and bittersweet, and pretty tragic imo. Aang knows he could die. He says so. And then he kisses her. And I feel like Katara breaking out into a great big smile in that moment, even though she does have feelings for him, would just seem off. Idk, personally I'm not sure how you (impersonal) can celebrate finally kissing the person you like when you remember that what drove them to make their move just now is the very real possibility they might never see you again. That they're about to leave and face that risk, and there's nothing for you to do about it. Seems like an upsetting situation to be in. 

There's also the fact that I'm skeptical Katara didn't already know Aang had feelings for her. I'm not saying it was always on her mind or that she paid much attention to it, she may have been putting all that stuff on the back burner or pretending it wasn't there as much as it was (including her own feelings) to focus on more important things, but I think she at least knew it subconsciously. I mean, Aang's not very subtle sometimes lol, and they've shared plenty of moments. So when Aang kisses her and Katara jerks back and her eyes widen in surprise, it's not because she didn't expect Aang to have these feelings (at least imo), but because she was in the middle of talking and is taken aback that Aang broke the unspoken barrier between them. 

They're touchy feely throughout the show. Katara's kissed him on the cheek plenty of times, they've even kissed on the lips before now. They have sparks, and they've been dancing around them quite a lot, from the Book 3 premiere at the latest. But they haven't gone that extra step to put it out there too far, where there's no mistaking the meaning behind these gestures. I think, on Katara's end, she would have been okay with putting off making any official moves for a while, given the war and several other possible factors preventing her from feeling able to spend too much conscious thought and emotion on it, and so she's surprised that Aang's kissed her because they'd been keeping their more romantic intentions implicit up until then. She won't be realizing afterwards or celebrating in her head that "omg, the guy I('ve sorta been avoiding my feelings for but actually do) like likes me back," because she’s known this, but it’s been left unsaid and kept slightly quiet in Katara's musings. Now, it's out there in the open, they're past the safe zone, there's little room for ignoring the feelings anymore, and it sucks so much that they had to make their way there now. It's such tragic timing, a kiss that doesn't stem from a smiles and rainbows conversation where they sit down to talk about their feelings and where they want to go from there, but a kiss done out of desperation, out of the possibility that Aang doesn't come back. Through that lens, it's almost like they kissed "too early," especially for what happens next.

See, my impression is that Aang's kiss was meant for two possible scenarios -- Aang loses and thus doesn't come back, which means there's obviously no future for him and Katara. Alternatively, the day is won, the war is over, he comes back and the world is finally at peace; they can stop running, they can celebrate and breathe and talk about where they're going from here in an environment more appropriate for that. And since Katara kissed him back, it seems like she affirmed that there's something there for them, given he returns. But instead, something happens that I don't think they anticipated. Aang does come back, but he didn't win. So, in terms of Katara and Aang, they're now at a bit of an impasse, a situation that their kiss wasn't intended for, and it leads to this semi-awkward limbo because Aang's still alive but ideally that kiss between them wouldn't have happened yet. 

Everyone needs to regroup, start it all over again, keep grinding and come up with a new plan. There's no time to get sidetracked, now more than ever. And, to me, that's reflective of what happens to Katara after Aang kisses her and takes off from the sub.

Katara's reaction is to dwell on the kiss. She wants to, but Sokka reminds her that there's no time to. So Katara snaps herself out of it, and she moves on. And then they survive the Day of Black Sun, but the fight isn't over for them yet.

You asked about the DoBS kiss, so I'm not gonna waste your time hyper-analyzing Ember Island Players because there is a lot that's been offered and discussed about that episode. But if you were to simplify the reason for Katara's stance there, it's pretty much just holding up what was established in DoBS.

At the Invasion, while caught up in surprise because she had an expectation that they wouldn't broach the subject this way, if at all, for a while, Katara kissed Aang back, and she kissed him back because she wanted to. But since then, she's had more time to think, and she won't be so caught off guard next time. Aang expresses during EIP that he wants to try a relationship with Katara sooner rather than later, and that he'd thought she felt the same since she kissed him back (as well as the moments they shared before), but Katara is adamant now about this not being the right time. She fully intends to keep her head in the game, like Sokka reminded her at the Invasion. That's essentially what she thinks Aang needs to remember now, too (and yeah, like I said, there are other ideas that can be brought in that contribute to the articulation, but this is the primary point being conveyed here).

Whatever the reason, her response causes Aang to reevaluate his conclusion about where they stand. Even though the war isn't over, he thought that, because he survived and Katara accepted his kiss before, maybe they could try anyways. But Katara still feels stuck in limbo, and she makes that clear. It's also significant to note that Katara doesn't make Aang any promises about being together after the war, which imo was a good move on the writers' part (I have a wip about this but idk when that'll be done lol). Anyways, Aang backs off, following her lead and putting romance aside.

I do want to talk about the second half of Book 3 as a whole, though, not just EIP. I've seen people criticize this portion of the story in terms of Kataang, but I think that, besides the substance of these episodes, it's important to keep in mind that the last 10 episodes of the series (The Western Air Temple and on) originally aired 7.5 months after Day of Black Sun. Not only that, but these episodes all aired within the same week. It was a big, hyped-up event on Nickelodeon dubbed "Countdown to the Comet," and it took place over the course of 6 days. That sort of schedule for finishing a show is...unusual. But it was also intentional here. 

Even though the episodes don't have to be watched that way, the final 10 episodes are, in a way, all together the final big bang of the series. They're majorly dedicated to the most critical elements of the main story, including Zuko finally, after 2.5 seasons, joining the gaang and him finding his place in it. I'd say that The Western Air Temple to The Southern Raiders are most generally about that, about Zuko being accepted and making amends especially to the original three members of the gaang (who he's hurt much more than Toph). The viewer is gratified by watching Zuko do what we all hoped for him, forming relationships with Aang, Sokka, and Katara after all this time, merging our most important A and B plots. The other major things the last 10 episodes are for are the final battle, of course, because that's going to be our conclusion to this journey, and Aang's preparation for it.   

So yes, onscreen interactions between Aang and Katara are fewer, but by no means does that make the rest of Book 3 an undoing of what they have. All their setup has been established, we're good on that, and we're going to leave that relatively be for now while we delve into the action until we're ready to revisit. And besides, imo, they still have extremely critical moments in the last 10 episodes that I am deeply, deeply happy exist. They're more subtle and less explicitly romantic -- a lot of them take place when they're not even around each other, but they speak volumes to me about how Aang and Katara have influenced each other, and how important the other is to them.

These 10 episodes are like a refocus of our largest priorities, and Kataang coming together is put on hold (again, I think that benefits the main story) for the end. But even though we watch less scenes where they're together, with more scenes of Zuko joining and hanging out with each of them individually in place, there's hardly indication of Katara and Aang avoiding each other after their DoBS kiss, or even post-EIP. 

They're still friends first. What they're avoiding is not each other, but a new possibility for themselves, because right now they're choosing to ground their feet in what they have. Basically, around each other, they're pretending what unfolded between them never happened until, possibly, on Katara's say so, it's appropriate to resume that aspect of their relationship.

And after the war, probably into a few months of peace (based on the state of Sokka's leg), she decided it was. She felt ready, and they dove right in.

I hope that clears things up! And don't worry, you weren't a bother at all! I love talking about these two, but unfortunately I became really busy the past couple days (plus this response got deleted and I couldn't salvage it because I saved a copy of a cursed screenshot of Aang and ig it was scary enough to erase my clipboard history :3). Thanks for your patience lol!

[catracorner962]

Karaoke

I promise I can write something that’s pure fluff. See?! 

In the newly renovated Fright Zone, the gang is having a party. Catra and Glimmer duet Shaggy. Catra has a surprise. --- AJ Michalka has a phenomenal voice and covers "Warriors" on the SheRa soundtrack. She does this in character as Catra and even says "Hey Adora," at the end, what else did you expect me to do with that except come up with an excuse for Catra to sing this for Adora? I'm sure this has been done before this is just my take. Also whenever I hear "Wasn't Me," or "Angel," by Shaggy I imagine Glimmer and Catra getting drunk and singing it.

Adora brought a hand to her nose, trying to cover her snorting laughter. Besider her Bow swayed in time to the music. Light flashed from above blue and pink.

“HA!!”

Adora couldn’t stop herself, exploding into a fit of giggles, nearly toppling the cocktail in her hand. Nearly sending pink liquid all over her white pants and halter top.

On the stage, her girlfriend and her best friend sang like they hadn’t a care in the world.

“How could I forget that I had given her an extra key? All this time she was standing there she never took her eyes off me!”

Glimmer sang into the mic, her purple leather skirt sparkling in the stage lights.

“Wooow! Yeah Glimmer!” Bow cheered, he took another sip of his beer. More delicately then anyone else around them and probably the only one with a modicum of sobriety left. All around them people sang along, swaying and trying to dance.

“To be a true player you have to know how to play!” Catra sang, winking at Adora from her place on the stage. Her hair had grown out again in the year after the war. Already falling just beyond her shoulders. Adora took a sip of her drink to conceal the blush rising in her cheeks.

“ To be a true player you have to know how to play, if she stay a night, convince her stay a day, Never admit to a word when she say. And if she claim, ah, you tell her, "Baby, no way"

“But she caught me on the counter!” Glimmer’s voice cracked but she kept going,  

“It wasn’t me!” Catra leaned forward into the mic.

“Saw me banging on the sofa!” Glimmer laughed, leaning in to meet Catra halfway.

“It wasn’t me!”

“I even had her in the shower!”

“They’re not bad,” Bow admitted whispering in Adora’s ear. The blonde nodded, pulling a loose strand of her hair behind her ear. Catra had convinced her to wear it down for once.

“Saw the marks on my shoulder!” Glimmer and Catra sang in unison. Catra unsheathed her claws in flash, winking again, this time a little more suggestively at her girlfriend in the audience. Cheers erupted throughout the bar, an eager welcome Adora thought, her chest warming. To have Catra greeted with rounds of applause rather than boos and hisses and threats.

“ Honey came in and she caught me red-handed, creeping with the girl next door, picture this, we were both butt-naked, banging on the bathroom floor. I had tried to keep her from what she was about to see, why should she believe me when I told her it wasn't me.”

Glimmer and Catra belted through the mic. It was all Adora could do not to transform into Shera. Just the sight of seeing Catra in the limelight, black pants held up by suspenders, her white shirt open just a tad too loose. She took a swig of her whisky mid chorus and continued to sing.

“I have to hand it to Scorpia and Perfuma; they've really done wonders with the Fright Zone,” Bow mused. He clapped along to the music and finished his drink.

“They sure have!” Adora answered, finally turning her attention from the stage. “Glad they were able to renovate the place into a karaoke bar. Somewhere in the distance Mermista’s groan could be heard, Adora turned. Seahawk and the water princess sat at one of the tables, the pirate’s eyes wide with amazement at the flaming martini set down before him.

“Should I….?” Adora made a b-line towards their table. Mermista flunk out her hand, a spray of water dousing the flames.

“Just drink it,” she groaned to Seahawk’s evident dismay. Adora bit back a grin. It had been awhile since they’d been able to just kickback and relax, indulge even. Post-war meant bringing magic to all the galaxy. Which meant traveling around, squashing the last of Prime’s brotherhood. Plus meetings after meetings and much needed reconciliation between Catra, Entrapta, Wrong Hordak, Scorpia and everyone else. It had been trying and difficult and the work was far from finished. But tonight, tonight was a chance to simply let loose.

“Honey came in and she caught me red-handed, creeping with the girl next door, picture this, we were both butt-naked, banging on the bathroom floor. How could I forget that I had, given her an extra key, All this time she was standing there, she never took her eyes off me!!” Glimmer and Catra finished in unison. Again cheers lifted from the crowd. Glimmer bowed, losing her balance until Catra caught her by the arm to steady her and they made their way down the stage.

“Wow, that was...wow,” Scorpia’s face nearly matched the color of her claws. “That was..I don’t think I understood half those words! But uhh next, next...we have...Perfuma! Who I’ve been told is going to do an...an interpretive dance called Ode to Rain, so that will be….uhh….fantastic.” Scorpia laughed nervously but clapped all the same while Perfuma seemingly floated up the stage.

“Hey!” Glimmer greeted Adora with a hug and Bow with a kiss.

“You were great!” Bow put his arm around her waist. “Who knew you and Catra could duet so well together!”

Glimmer laughed, full and hearty, accepting a glass of sparkling wine from Bow.

“Where is Catra?” Adora looked around the crowd. “I thought she came down with you?”

“She said she had to get ready for something,” Glimmer shrugged.

Adora nodded, trying to quell the bubble of anxiety that threatened to rise.

Catra would be fine, she can be left alone. She’s not a child. She’s perfectly capable.

Bodies pressed against Adora in the maylay of the crowd. Talking and drinking and laughing. The lights flashed all around them. Dizzying.

There’s so many people here….what if...there could be….threats. Some clone we forgot?

Someone wanting to take Catra down?

Adora forced herself to breathe, gripping her glass tight.

“Adora, you alright?” Glimmer touched her arm.

“Yes!” She smiled automatically, “I’m great!” She took a breath, eyes flicking upward as Perfuma left the stage.

Still no sign of Catra.

“It’s just...I worry sometimes...I worry about leaving Catra alone sometimes...what if there’s…”

Glimmer opened her mouth to respond when a cool light drifted across the crowd from above to the stage.

“Adora….you might want to…” Glimmer pointed. Adora followed her gaze, jaw nearly dropping to the floor. Silhouetted against the limelight a lone figure stood before the mic. The outline of someone wearing a tight fitting black dress that fanned out toward the bottom. Catra’s tail swished nervously behind her, ears flicking. She stepped forward, the high slit of her dress revealing one leg as she moved. The light illuminating her freckled face, mismatched eyes gleaming.

“Oh my….” Adora took the last sip of her drink. Beside her bow gasped. Even Glimmer’s eyes stared wide with shock. The hub-bub of the crowd died instantly, everyone holding their breath. Even Emily and Entrapta, who were observing in the corner, fell silent.

Catra’s shaky inhale of breath sounded through the mic throughout the bar. Adora waited, stunned. Taking in her girlfriend, the deep V of her dress, the way she shifted her weight. Then finally, after a mini-eternity, Catra’s eyes slipped close and her voice drifted out:

“We're warriors, unstoppable. We feel the evil coming, and shadows all around.”

She sang low and haunting, each word a melodic whisper. Goosebumps rose on Adora’s skin.

“Danger surrounds us, but won't bring us down. We're on the edge of greatness, turning darkness to liiightt,”

Her voice undulated and moved like the waves, the crowd beginning to hum. She opened her eyes, gold and blue sparkling in the light. Catra’s gaze looked through the throngs of people finally meeting Adora’s. The blonde felt her knees shake, she passed her glass to Glimmer without looking away. Catra smiled,

“We're right beside you, ready to fight. We must be strong! And we must be brave! We gotta find every bit of strength that we have and never let it go!”

“Wooo!! Yaaaah!!!” People exclaimed, clapping. Catra’s smile widened, she took the mic from it’s stand, now walking across the stage, tall and proud and brimming with pride. Adora’s cheeks ached, beaming with a smile. She too clapped along.

“We're bound to this struggle, with mighty sword and flame, we'll never fail you, when you call our name.”

She turned, again meeting Adora’s radiant face across the audience. Their eyes met, though Adora could hardly see her through a fog of tears pressing against her eyes. Her heart expanded so fast and full she thought it would explode. Catra too grinned with confidence, revealing pointed fangs. Her eyes dazzled, shoulders lifting as she sang, not once looking away from Adora.

“Together we'll be heroes, joining forces as one. Strong as the steel we carry, we rise like a su...uu...uu...un!”

She hit the note perfectly, the whole bar erupting into ecstatic joy.

“Yeah Horde Scum!” Glimmer fist pumped at the air, jumping up and down. Off to the side of the stage, Perfuma pat Scorpia on the shoulder through her tears.

“That’s my wildcat!”

Catra sang through another round of the chorus, parading back and forth. People reached out from below towards her, laughing and whooping.

“Cause we're warriors, we are unstoppable,nothing's gonna get in our way. We're gonna win in the end….”

Catra sang through the last chorus, coming to stand gracefully before the microphone stand once more.

“We're gonna reach inside, still together and fight and never let it go. We must be strong…” She finished with a flourishing whisper. Looking at Adora from her poised position stage, she blinked, slowly, her own voice cracking with emotion.

“Hey Adora.”

Tears streamed down Adora’s face, her heart hammering in her chest. She could feel herself glowing, transforming, this time brought on by pride and admiration for Catra. Catra who only sang in secret, in dark places, until now. Catra who had always deserved every bit of attention and affection and praise but never got it, until now. Catra who was so guarded who never let herself betray emotion or vulnerability, until now.

There was a white flash, people gasped, and Adora didn’t need to look down at herself to know she’d become Shera.

Catra climbed down from the stage with Scorpia’s assistance and made her way Adora, people parting for her instantly, cheering and clapping.

“Catra! Y...you! You’re…”

Catra’s lips cut off the rest of her sentence, pressing in a full deep kiss, nearly melting against Adora, well, Shera’s chest. Adora put her arms around her girlfriend holding her close, one hand to the small of her back. She had to control herself in public after all, though it was hard to do with her girlfriend looking so...so ravishingly gorgeous, so happy and exuberant. A new round of tears spilled down her cheeks.

“I knew you could sing,” she breathed, breaking the kiss only to press her forehead against Catra’s which required her to lean down a little more in this form. “But not...l...like that.”

Catra laughed, holding Adora’s hand to her face and leaning into her touch. The ruckus of people seemingly disappearing. The only thing that mattered, the center of her universe was already right in front of her.

“I love you,” Catra whispered.

“I love you too, so much.” Adora pulled her in for another kiss, the cheers escalating around them.

Catra rolled her eyes only to be shoved by Glimmer’s arms around her waist.

“Catra, where was that voice when we were singing?! I need to up my game!”

“That...that was beautiful Catra!” Bow wiped his eyes with his yellow jacket. “Absolutely beautiful.”

“Alright, alright Sparkles,” she pulled away from Adora’s hold. “Next time we do Angel by Shaggy I’ll be sure to really sing it with pathos, yeah? And take it easy Arrow Boy your gonna get snot all over your jacket.”

Glimmer only rolled her eyes but gave Catra a kiss on the cheek.

“Well next rounds on me Wildcat!” Scorpia announced happily clapping Catra across the back gently. This time Catra didn’t stiffen or bristle at the touch but smirked. A testament to how far she’d come in such a short time. Adora could hardly contain her emotion.

“You may regret that Scorp.”

The night continued on, Catra changed back into more comfortable pants and dress-shirt. Rogeilo sang...well..grunt roared some prolonged ballad that no one but Lonnie understood. Mermista and Seahawk performed no less than seven shanties. A curtin was set on fire by the third one. Frosta entertained with a series of impressive ice sculptures and Double Trouble, dramatic as they were, impressions that left everyone’s sides sore from laughter. Scorpia closed out the evening, singing a rendition of “Beautiful,”  by Christina Aguilera that had everyone, even Catra in tears by the end. Though Catra swore her eyes were she only  irritated by the bright lights.

Adora put her arms around Catra from behind, still having advantage of being in her Shera form. Muscular arms holding her girlfriend close in the dark of the crowd while Scorpia, sang her last few notes. Catra swayed in tandem, tail going around her girlfriend’s leg, she leaned her back against Shera’s broad torso and hummed. Adora planted a kiss on the crown of Catra’s head. The mark of the Heart of Etheria glowing against her chest. In the mass of folks and the company of friends, lights glowing and Catra content in her arms, sniffled happily through tears of joy.

They had indeed won in the end.

[sugar-petals]

BTS Tarot Reading ➝ What Kind Of Porn Do They Watch? (18+)

↳ NOTE - due to several requests, a steamy and detailed one. ☕️ we’re asking the cards about the erotica they fancy in a wider sense. 

warning ⚠️ 18+ // bdsm mentions, worship, kinks left and right. we’re going graphic in all types o’ ways, lads.

♡ DISCLAIMER // tarot is speculative, there is no guarantee for accuracy. believing in the cards is a choice. all portrayals are fictive and for entertainment purposes only.

SPREAD #1:

yoongi

⌈ THE WORLD ⇁ Jesus... Someone’s obsessed with girls in the nude. That card has a stark naked woman wrapped in very little satin on it so you know what our funky little guy is up to. Luscious aesthetic fotos might be just around his corner. Big duh, he’s a photography major. These folks are all about body appreciation. He’s also on a personal vendetta against lingerie 😂 Yoongi won’t get hard looking at even the most HD panty and bra ads. Only the skin in its full splendor will do, no editing. He loves pictures of nipples peaking through shirt fabric, it’s all over his phone. Yoongi likes his gals without underwear 24/7 just like he dislikes underwear himself. If we’re talking porn, the woman on the card is holding two very long rods so may I connect the dots: Threesomes, handjobs, blowbangs, spitroasting. Friction, friction, and more friction. To Yoongi’s brain, handjobs are a great um new version of holding hands. Sex standing up also, keeping it vertical. Yoongi doesn’t care about girth, inches count. Nice and elongated with a perfect plunge, something to hold onto. Yep, he’s pretty deliberate when searching that up. Yes, he loves the look of it. However, and you’ll be surprised: Even if he likes poly porn, it’s still nothing too extreme. This card is more about pleasure than pain. If a guy likes rough and degrading sex, you get swords and wands in his spread. THE WORLD is more about perfected skills and success. So, he likes the more accomplished porn stars. With a preference for curly blondes and redheads, that’s sort of the hair color on the card. Natural B or C cup. Medium height, not too curvy. Oversized booty not needed. In terms of nationality: We have three representative animals on the card. Eagle, lion and bull, plus a light blonde man’s head. So, anything that America/Germany/Albania/Mexico/Namibia (and so on, lot of countries with eagles as their national bird my dude), England, Spain and Scandinavia have to offer. Honey sugar is going international, baby.

hoseok

⌈ QUEEN OF WANDS ⇁ Did I just mention that guys who like rough sex in porn get wand cards in their readings in Yoongi’s segment? Well, there we have our candidate, with a very obvious card since it’s a court figure. Now, the thing is, this is not the guy being rough. The QUEEN OF WANDS is as notoriously femdom as can be. The very fiery and raw and fun version. So, with a degree of lightheartedness, but still being very fit — even buff — and hands-on with the sub. If you get the QUEEN OF SWORDS, that’s the more cool and calculated domme who signs you up for torture and humiliation, and she really looks like a domme. She’s all over the internet because she has the grit. Now wands combined with a tarot queen... it’s more about the stamina and she is approachable. Hobi does not like watching cruel girls, he likes challenging ones. Upbeat porn stars who can take a lot but most importantly dole it out assertively like pros are Hobi’s schtick. He’s unapologetic about that. With him it’s like, please not the local newcomers that turned legal a month ago. The queen cards are all about mature women. Mommy kink, hint hint. The kind of mommy who’s gonna whip out the spreader bar or cane (= wands again) and give a playful type of punishment. See how desert-like that imagery is, Hobi wants to sweat big time when he gets off to this. Now since wands also make for a damn good pole to dance on, go figure. This whole card has me wondering if, well alright, he is a Cardi B hard stan 😅 If Hobi blasts Money to get in the mood, I’d not be surprised. Anyway. Back to pole stuff: If you go through his youtube search history, you will find astounding things. I think he watches the more professional and athletic performers in competition though. High production value is key. Finally, an interesting card detail: There’s a sunflower on it. This is definitely his kind of tarot imagery.

jimin

⌈ KING OF COINS  ⇁ This card always looks like a scene from a medieval movie so you might have an erotic film enthusiast here. The more chaste type of genre, pentacles are very grounded and not hypersexualized. The intimacy is slow and more about security and pleasure. It’s graphic and detailed, but gives you a sense of relaxation. With a bit of romance in the plot, that might absolutely be Jimin’s thing. Castles and wine and nobility. Interesting type of erotica. Historical and classy. As expected of a prince, mind you. He might enjoy books of that genre also. And we know Jimin is an avid reader, right up there with Namjoon. Now, even with more risque and contemporary stuff that he googles up, we have similar dynamics going down on screen. With Hobi we had femdom because it’s a queen card, now with Jimin we get the classic male dom type of porn because that’s how the King usually rolls, unless it’s the KING OF CUPS who’s touchy-feely and subby. Meanwhile, the KING OF COINS is your local sugar daddy. Leaning towards being a soft dom, he’s not aggressive. And Jimin surely has a little crush on that concept. Ye know, if all the other members have female cards and Jimin gets the sugar daddy, we might be dealing with mxm action. Because if this card was a porn star, he’d be a really, really rich producer and a bear who’s done this since the frickin’ 90s. He’s treating his subs very gently and lets them sit on their lap, the imagery is sort of like that because the King is balancing a pentacle on his left thigh. Sex and comfort all in one are life for Jimin. A sexy detail I only noticed at a second glance, the King also has a shortened golden staff with him, which has a rounded tip. If that’s not a butt plug… whenever I see props like that in tarot, I interpret it as a sex toy. So, good vibes in here. And a bunch of aphrodisiacs, the KING OF COINS is a foodie. Which you know, might just be a food porn type of reference. Jimin’s taste in sexy things is quite something else.

jungkook

⌈ THE EMPRESS ⇁ If there’s one thing I like, it’s the Tarot giving me the important archetypes during readings of that kind. The Queens, the Kings, the Major arcana (see Yoongi’s and Jin’s segment). You can really draw a lot of hints out of it. Now with the EMPRESS you have a similar case to Hobi’s, just a lot more softcore. Jungkook has a refined and pretty vast taste in erotica, if not the most refined in Bangtan next to Jimin who likes that kind of dignified touch to it as well as we saw. Jungkook knows his stuff when it comes to searching things up, he is a first class netizen in that regard. In terms of genre: The EMPRESS is your highkey feminist and wholesomeness legend, so — you won’t find any super creepy things in some hidden file on his PC, and things by female producers instead. No slut-shaming or name-calling here, everyone gets their pleasure in their own right. Thanks to online sex ed, Jungkook has a map to the clit and he’s not afraid to use it. He’s the type to watch solo videos ad nauseam. He’s fascinated. Masturbation until it gets all messy with the juices flowing, and you bet he wants to see the girls buzzing themselves off lying on their back. Maybe even outdoors in a field. Cum play is a must, cunnilingus is a must, he loves unprotected sex and creampies, he loves breast massages. And yes. Anything that involves sex with pregnant and chubby women. Similar to Taehyung, it’s all about the focus on the girl, he doesn’t bother much with the guy performers. And given Yoongi’s reading on top of that, we have three members in BTS who are all about worshipping the female body right here, breasts over ass, and he likes blondes, too. The EMPRESS card is like… the entire porn industry who does the MILF and BBW genre is financed by Jeon Jungkook’s website subscriptions. Cue GOT7, with Jungkook it’s girls, girls, girls. The thirst is going strong, and he’s unashamed times ten, sex is sex. 

➝ we also have members who don’t really bother with erotica or have a complicated relationship with it.

SPREAD #2

taehyung

⌈  ACE OF WANDS reversed ⇁ He’s not about beating off until the world ends. Taehyung gets bored by porn or heated literature and doesn’t feel very motivated to search it up. He would rather come up with his own ideas to write but doesn’t have the energy. Sex drive: On hold, even if he tries to look something up it doesn’t feel very fulfilling to him. Most of it fails to turn him on, it’s not his kind of taste. He gets frustrated when he masturbates and would rather rest, dream, and doze. The only thing I can see him watch somewhat frequently — hold your horses — is lesbian porn. I’ll explain. The ACE OF WANDS is pretty much your most glaring handjob symbolism card. A hand gripping a stick. Yoongi’s THE WORLD card has very similar imagery, I mean even two wands and a girl, bisexual explosion much. He would be a big fan of the upright ACE OF WANDS card lmao! But the reversal is like, um no silly guys jerking off in here, pls. Keep your cum to yourself. That means: Zero dicks in Taehyung’s zone, girl-on-girl stuff is his very last resort for quality that he is desperate for but cannot find. And not the stuff where the producers just replace the guys with heavy arsenal sex toys, double-ended dildos, fucking machines, endless strap-on action without any clit stimulation on either side and whatnot. Taehyung is like ugh, cherie, why, give me the juicy stuff, give me the basics. What he wants is just pure scissoring, fingering, oral, little gentle bites, a lot of caresses and kisses. And slow, slow sex. Probably the amateur kind. He hates how brutal and exaggerated most things online are. Tae is looking for softness, a lot of lesbian action is what delivers in that regard so he takes all he gets. And it goes further than that, Taehyung knows the finest yuri recommendations, I’m telling you.

seokjin

⌈  THE STAR reverse ⇁ The opposite of Yoongi: not keeping it very naked in here. The upright card shows a nude woman pouring water from two cups. Hence a strong connection to the card of sexuality, TWO OF CUPS. Everything is very gentle and positive in that scenery. But then, the reversed card rather shows us that Jin doesn’t feel too thrilled watching other people film or write or photograph sex. Like in Tae’s case, he becomes bored, it’s all the same to him. Nothing’s ever new to him in porn. He feels negative and guilty rather than refreshed or entertained. He also doesn’t like a lot of kinks that very literally connect to, well, the pouring water. Squirting, cum play, watersports, sex in the pool or showers, lube overuse, creampies, bukkake, fake cum — Jin is rolling his eyes at that, he thinks it’s a circus. He’s surely given it a try, but ended up feeling worse and even more pent-up or dissatisfied. At best, you will find him on unknown websites looking for the most amateur videos there are. Because: THE STAR quite unequivocally hints at porn stars. If you reverse the card, it becomes someone not very well-known. He roots for the underdog. Accordingly, Jin’s reaction to mainstream videos goes this way: ‚Pipe down, you non-artists!’ 😆 Cause maybe, he does do it better aye, without the awkward angles anyway. He doesn’t want the body cult, like, put that airbrush and silicone out of my face bro. Not because he’s against surgery, but the idea behind sexual extremes and the shady high standards. It’s too polished for him to get turned on. And robotic/staged. Likely because he’s had an IRL sexual experience (gasp!) that set a different ideal to him, so the more glossy porn feels off. Home video has all he needs instead. I think it’s especially because you get so see more body hair there. The woman on the THE STAR card is all sleek, so the reversed card is the opposite, Jin wants that unshaved goodness.

namjoon

⌈ EIGHT OF CUPS ⇁ Now you’d think — and I thought, kinda — we’d get the master of erotica right here. And he’s had one hell of a reputation for that. Think of the ever-infamous Yaman TV interview where BTS were super upfront and revealing about their taste and what they watch privately. With especially Namjoon having the lion’s share. But this card says otherwise if his current state is concerned. The EIGHT OF CUPS shows a man wandering off into the night, leaving eight cups behind him. I think what that means is, he’s moved on. Namjoon’s cravings aren’t as strong as they used to be, nor does he have the time. He knows it won’t fix his loneliness or answer the questions of life. He might be on the search for different things to fulfill him, or ignore much of his hormones in favor for his career. Not that he didn’t dabble in it, he sure did, but that chapter is slowly closing and what’s next he doesn’t really know yet. He thinks about family and being a father, so the smaller and more risque pleasures become less significant. Desire, too. Ye olde soul syndrome is kicking in. The card is also centered around introspection, a quest for self, all these higher topics that aren’t the most grounded and don’t leave much space for being horny. Joon is simply to preoccupied and on the move. He sees porn as a distraction from his real self at this point, and he’s not the type to feel satiated after masturbating to something, similar to Jin and Taehyung. Instead, I think he carries that energy elsewhere, hence the wanderer going from A to B onto a mountain. In short, Namjoon naturally grew out of it by becoming more, well: Namjoon. He’s left a lot behind, he’s choosing self-development over temporary fun, and he will ponder a lot on the topic, the hows and whys and whats more often than not. So, he’s passed the baton to Yoongi and Jungkook if you will, and keeps a low profile as of now. 

tarot mlist | ko-fi

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for anon:

[animatedminds]

Pixar’s Soul: Review and Reaction

The first sentence I’ve always used to describe Pete Docter and Pixar’s Soul since watching it has nothing to do with the plot. It’s instead is a starstruck comment about the music: the movie begins with a cover of a Duke Ellington classic - Mercer Ellington’s “Things Ain’t What they Used to Be.” It ends with a jazz rendition of a classic from several decades later - but still quite a bit in our past - Curtis Mayfield’s soul classic “It’s Alright.” On a personal level, this would say way more about Soul that most other descriptions of it might to get me to watch it - were I not the kind of person who was absolutely intent on watching the movie day one regardless. Though I am myself a few generations after either of those artists were around, their music has been a part of my life since I was a kid and are essential on any playlist in my opinion. Curtis Mayfield’s music, especially, deserves all the love in the world, and hearing by surprise someone cover his work in a Disney movie made my entire day - and it would have, even if the film weren’t the meaningful ride it is.

But before we get into all that, lets also look at those songs. “Things Aren’t What They Used To Be” is played a la a teacher and a higher school band class: the students are learning and a bit difficult to listen to, while the music-loving teacher cringes at the front. But the choice of song tells us a lot. It’s a jazz standard: which means when it comes to jazz, it’s one of the essentials - a tune every band learns to play, and every jazz fan has heard before. The teacher is a jazzman - you can probably guess who - and the whole time he’s listening to the song you can hear him wanting to sit down and make it sound as perfectly as he hears it in his head. Remember that analogy. Heck, when you watch or rewatch the movie, remember the mindset Joe - because that’s who that teacher is, Joe Gardner, is in for that whole teaching scene in the first place: and remember how important the desire to make things perfect is to the greater story the movie is trying to tell.

“Things Aren’t The Way They Used To Be,” indeed. By the end, you have to wonder: isn’t that the point? Now the second song. “It’s All Right” is a smooth number for dancing to - not frenetic and wild dancing, but more a slow jam sort of vibe. BUt it’s the lyrics that are the most befitting the themes of the movie. Like several of Curtis Mayfield’s tunes “It’s All Right” is an ear worm of an R&B number that’s actually about being a peace with yourself. “You’ve got soul” - ha, I get it - “and everybody knows, that it’s all right.” Or, to quote instead my favorite verse of the song (I did say Mayfield was one of my favorites): “when you wake up early in the morning feeling sad like so many of us do, hum a little soul, make life your goal, and surely something’s gonna come to you.” This is before the spoilery part of the review, but they could not have picked a better song for the movie’s themes if they wrote it themselves.

Soul, after all, is ultimately a movie about how the things we do, the things we love, even the things that define us and should make us feel good in and of themselves, can become a shackle that prevents us from feeling the things that we adopt them to feel. Dreams - especially dreams deferred - can consume us rather than uplift us, and sometimes in pursuing them we may forget to live, and forget that others are living in this world and dreaming alongside us.

This, as you might be able to tell from the way I’ve described it, is a movie with a very strong, and most importantly very well related message that - as we’ve come to expect from Pixar’s output at this point - touches us in our jaded adult hearts. As a creative person with lofty dreams who has almost literally been where the protagonist is in this film - and as many in my generation also have gone through - it definitely feels like a film that was directed straight at the generation that first watched Toy Story as kids decades ago, and now feel somewhat unfulfilled as adults going into the world. Same as Inside Out (a movie specifically designed to make adults cry, in my opinion), the SparkShorts and arguably Onward (I definitely related to Bailey, some). So much like my review of Jingle Jangle, you have something of an idea where this review is going to go before the jump, but that’s okay. This movie did have ups and downs, but its just the kind of up Pixar is good at: they know they’re audience, and especially did for this gem. By the end, it can definitely make you feel as though you too can make it through, as long as you have a little Soul. However, it is not just the message, but the nuances and skill in which they relate that message (and they do come close to making decisions that could have ruined it, at times), which means it’s very difficult for me to put why this movie works into a review without SPOILERS. If you want to avoid SPOILERS, don’t hop over the pic and instead treat the above as your non-SPOILER review.

Soul is the story of one Joe Gardner, played by Jamie Foxx a brilliant early middle-aged pianist with lifelong dreams of becoming a jazz musician, who we first meet teaching part time band at a local high school. The inciting incident is an interesting choice: Joe gets a major offer - he can come on as a full time teacher, making his occupation a career! But Joe believes very much in the adage that “those who cannot do, teach” - in the sense that he wants to do. He cannot accept the position - over the advice of his mother - because that would mean giving up on his dream of being out there playing music for a living: a dream that has consumed him his entire life but which has given him nothing in return. Until now. While agonizing over the decision to take the position, Joe's life then gets a big twist: a former student of his, remembering him fondly years after they knew each other, has a hook for him to join the band of a famous jazz singer and saxophonist - played by Angela Basset (side note, here: jazz has long had a reputation for being something of a boys club, especially for certain instruments, and the choice to have the lead saxophonist and famous idol whose band Joe wants to join be a woman is a great choice that my entire jazz-loving and living family took note of). Joe is instantly elated - he rushes over and naturally aces the audition for the part in the band, and so is on cloud nine...

Until he dies. That’s when the plot really starts. Joe falls down a manhole like an astronomer in an aesop fable, and is now stuck on the slow escalator to The Great Beyond. Naturally, he’s not for that and tries to escape - pursued by overeager spiritual soul-accountant Terry - ending up in the Great Before instead, and leaving his body in a still-living coma (the implications that coma patients in general are people who are choosing not to die when they’re “supposed” to is something I’m sure the writers didn’t intend, so I’ll let it slide). There, Joe is pressganged into mentoring a pre-prepared soul for birth, helping them find their Spark for life - which Joe interprets as the one true purpose and dream they are meant to fulfill. Once he gets them their Spark, he will be able to steal a badge his mentee earns as fully fledged souls and . Luckily for his intended very morally suspect intent on spiritual larceny, he ends up with Soul #22 - and that’s #22 out of hundreds of billions - a soul who has simply never found a Spark despite having been in the Great Before for thousands of years. #22 doesn’t want to live, so she agrees to give him her patch when they’re done. But no mentor before has been able to inspire her (well, technically #22 is genderless, as she demonstrates in the story at Joe’s request, but she is voiced by Tina Fey), so how can Joe? When that proves to be too hard indeed, #22 instead decides to help Joe get back - mostly because she’s intrigued at why anyone would want to cling to life so badly - with the help of some mystics who astral project while in the Zone: where everyone goes when they’re fully immersed in what they do. This almost works, but at the last second everything goes awry: #22 gets mixed up with Joe when he returns, and so he doesn’t quite get back the way he wants to...

That’s enough plot summary for now. That’s all just the set-up anyway, for the choices in writing and concept that I’m about to talk about. As you might have been able to tell from that ominous last note, the middle chunk of Soul - almost right up until the climax, in fact - is actually a body-swap movie, a la Freaky Friday. #22 ends up in Joe’s body, so he has to get her to do the things he needs to get ready for his gig and get through the day while they wait for the mystic to bring a way to set everything right. And did I mention he’s in the body of a cat? Having been following the movie, this wasn’t entirely a surprise, but it was still not something I was entirely ready for coming in. I tend to shy away from that kind of story on a personal level, as body-swap narratives are nearly predominantly based on cringe moments and awkward misconceptions - and that sort of thing usually tends to make me want to leave the scene in question and get a cup of water until after the awkwardness passes. However, this isn’t really part of the review in the sense that I perceive that the movie being in that genre is a flaw - because ultimately that’s just an aspect of my personal taste. Rather, I use it to show just how strong a movie Soul was and how well its narrative choices resonated with its themes that ultimately while it did indeed partake in your typical body-swap narrative cringe moments - “look, the [redacted] in Joe’s body just ran into his boss / mom!” / “look, the [redacted] is having a bizarre conversation with Joe’s friends!” / etc - those moments actually add to the narrative rather than take you out of it. Joe as “friends,” as exemplified by the barber he goes to to get his hair ready for the gig when it inevitably gets ruined in a bout of hijinks (the barber being that extremely well-designed bearded character the internet went wild over). He goes to that barber all the time, talks with him constantly, and believes he knows him well. But it turns out that Joe’s so wrapped up in his wants and desires that he’s never even asked him about his life - he just assumed that the barber was like him, born to do that one thing he was good at. It takes #22′s innocent, slightly off-kilter and occasional philosophical questions about what the heck all this “life” stuff is about for Joe to learn that this person in his life didn’t even want to be where he ended up initially, he ended up there because that’s the way his life turned, but he loves it because it’s life and he appreciates the world he’s come to create around himself. Likewise, he runs into his mom, but while Joe has come to expect his mother to be dismissive of him and his dreams, it takes an accident with #22 for him to realize that he’s been so caught up in his desires and her in her preconceptions that neither of them have ever had a real talk about their relationship, nor given a chance to grow in each other’s eyes. You might notice a trend. One of Joe’s students - a brilliant trombonist - comes to tell him she’s quitting band, but she doesn’t really. She’s just insecure because the other students make fun of her. Joe knows this already - it’s become commonplace to him - so the doesn’t feel the need to do anything about it and instead focuses on his own needs. But #22 decides to talk to her on a whim, and this push and pull of insecurity but joy in what one is good at fascinates her, while it bores Joe. While - like any other New Yorker - public transit is a chore to Joe, the melting pot of people and music draws #22 in: best evidenced by the moment where Joe and #22 meet another great musician playing for tips in the subway. Joe, despite being capable of relating as a musician, just walks past him after appreciating the sound for a sec, while #22, entranced by the things people do, leaves something for him. The world is drab and lacking in vibrancy from Joe’s point of view, as evidenced by the very accurate grimy look of the high school he work at - but from #22′s seemingly jaded eyes seeing it for the first time, it’s full of wonder.

This actually creates an interesting character contrast on top of the one we already know: Joe is the idealist, and #22 is the cynic... right? Well, it turns out Joe doesn’t have much of an appreciation for the world around him - not intentionally, but still to a very strong degree - whereas #22 simply hasn’t had the chance to experience life yet and thus never knew what it was that made people want to be part of it. Life itself becomes her Spark, though neither of them realize it at the time. Lets just get the aesop out of the way now. Your dream is not your life: that’s what Soul wants to say. Things that compel you as a person may consume you, even embitter you, and prevent you from seeing the world around you for what it is. But that doesn’t make dreams a bad thing: people everywhere find that Spark from the dreams to keep moving forward - it’s just that it shouldn’t preclude living, nor should living preclude your dreams. Life is a delicate balance, and man is this movie serving up some complicated life lessons here. I immediately took this as a far more mature take on the message The Princess and the Frog stumbled somewhat through years ago (man, I’m turning out to be pretty hard on that movie in this blog). My biggest issue with PATF is that it tells us that Tiana should be less intent on her dream and find love instead, but doesn’t show us. It’s just characters chiding her for not settling down until the plot ultimately pushes a man in front of her and she realizes she should’ve been finding one all along. That’s a very harsh way of putting it, but it condenses what I’m trying to say: ultimately PATF pushes Tiana to realizations she doesn’t seem to need, whereas Soul has a similar message about life and does so by focusing on character development, about how the protagonist doesn’t have as firm a handle on his life as he thought, and thus brings us a take on the lesson that’s far less cut and dry.

If you’re a fan of The Incredibles, the comparison to Mr. Incredible is fairly easy. Joe, though well meaning and decent overall, is a very self-centered person who happens to be so for very sympathetic and relatable reasons. He just wants to do the thing he feels he was born to. He'll do anything to get back to life and do that thing, even for a single night. He’s consumed by this desire so much that he's oblivious to the people around him, unable to connect to the people he loves, and unable to find joy in anything but his dream. And man, as a young writer who knows in their heart of hearts they can do great things and feels pain at the idea of not doing so, that hits different let me tell you.

The lessons Joe learns from #22 even stick. It turns out that part of what caused Joe’s dream to fail all those time was because of that lack of connection with life. He never presented himself in a way that got people to take notice of him, he never pushed for that position he wanted even though people said no, he never made himself and his life so vibrant that he glowed in the eyes of others (and again, that hits different). That’s maybe the most simplistic message of the bunch, but as a person in the creative field it’s true that sometimes being the smartest person in the room isn’t enough: it’s making himself shine that ultimately clinches Joe the gig even after he almost lost it thanks to the day’s shenanigans.

But in the end, it doesn’t feel like he thought he would.

Remember when I said there are parts where the movie comes perilously close to kiboshing its message? That moment is one, it’s the one. Not that that moment is bad - far from it, it’s the best moment in the entire movie (and you can fight me on that if you want to). It’s because it’s the crossroads, the pin, the core of the entire film: depending on the choice they made after that point, that moment could have either been the best moment in the entire movie, or the moment that toppled everything.

The realization of Joe’s dream doesn’t feel like the explosion of confetti and catharsis that he expected. It was just another moment of his life, a great one, but it’s still just part of his life. So what does Joe do? Does he panic? Does he keep going until it feels good? Does he - as he would in a lesser movie trying to give a cookie cutter aesop - immediately quit and realize he should’ve been teaching all along? No, he does none of those things. He absorbs the moment. He realizes that at the end of the dream you’re still just living life, and that you have to appreciate that. Joe isn’t wrong for pursuit of his dream. He’s not wrong for believing that hopes and dreams make life so much more worthwhile. He’s wrong in thinking that those dreams are all that define us, and that their realization is all that makes people themselves worthwhile at all.

And in the end - though I may be getting a bit too referential for this - the unexamined life is just so much less fulfilling than the alternative.

And all that a message and a half! It hits different. It’s mature as all heck. It’s something people my age (especially in my generation), twice my age, half my age never learn. It’s a callsign that sometimes Pixar is still make movies for the people who were kids way back when Toy Story was released, and are now insecure adults wondering why the world isn’t as wonderful as they saw on the screen. It’s brilliant. I said before that Joe interprets the “Spark” to be one’s purpose in life. The one thing that makes them who they are, that they are on the planet to do. He is wrong, absolutely and utterly. And in that misconception, when #22 finally does get their Spark just from being on Earth and seeing what its life, he accuses them of leeching self-actualization over his own personal ambitions, fully believing that they didn’t find a “purpose" on her own, but just copied his. But the Spark, as it turns out, is just the joy of living, the thing that makes people want to live. It can come from a dream, or just from watching the beauty of the sun set over a leaf drifting in the wind. Only in understanding this can Joe finally understand what he’s been missing in life, only then can he reconcile with #22 and help her finally be born, only then can he walk into the world and know how he’s going to live it.

We never find out what Joe decides, whether he goes back to teaching, or continues with the band. The choice is open to him, but we never find out which one he takes - another choice that keeps the aesop from falling apart. The point of all of that wasn’t that Joe has to do one thing or another to be happy, it was that Joe needs to be happy and secure in himself before he chooses what his life should be. Either of those could make him happy. Neither of those could. But now he’s in a much better place to see it, and do what he can.

We also never find out what #22 is like when she (or he, etc) is born. The two of them never meet past the point where #22 goes to Earth. Their time together has passed, and #22′s life is now their own. And that’s a great choice either. I’ve seen the occasional person feel that the choice made in this paragraph or noted in the previous one made the story confusing, but they’re ultimately what make the story what it is. The answer isn’t the necessity of resolution, its the reaffirmation of the journey. It reminds me somewhat of Wreck-It Ralph (an example of the main Disney Studio delivering a complex aesop, rather Pixar delivering them all), where being a villain wasn’t Ralph’s problem - it was that he wasn’t happy doing the thing he loved. You have to live, from living you will learn, and from learning you will do. The sheer incredible execution of this message (as you may have guessed, it’s a fairly difficult one to relay adequately in a film narrative, and the movie goes non-traditional in conclusion to maintain it) would have made this film a recommend for me even if it wasn't also beautifully animated, very well acted, funny (there’s a Knicks joke that floored me), heartwarming and relatable. But it’s also all of those things, so I have to recommend it twice as much. It is, regrettably, another movie with a black lead where the lead spends most of it transfigured into a form that’s not a black person (a soul, and then a cat), and I’ve already seen some grumbling that instead for much of it a character explicitly coded as a white woman is in his body instead, but I perceive that as an issue that’s endemic to the industry than a fault in this movie specifically. Everyone does that, but this is the only movie I’ve seen where doing that is an essential part of how the narrative develops the characters (Joe has to not be himself in order to understand his life from an outside perspective, a la Scrooge as a ghost watching his own history), and so I don’t scorn the movie for it. I, however, would very much like Hollywood to start doing that less, and - hey - as a prospective writer that’s one of those things I plan to do my part to combat. This movie, however, gets a pass in my book in ways that the general usage of this concept does not. In short, you should see it. If you get the chance to see it right now, you should take it to feel good at the end of this incredibly insane year. If you don’t want to have to sign up for Disney+ to see it now, I get you and understand, but if you get a chance to see it later do not pass it up. It’s one of the few movies I’ve watched that are an instant buy when it becomes available on digital - and the last time a movie did that for me was BlacKKKlansman. Whatever you choose to do, do it well. Keep the spirit alive, always keep searching for the real you - because it’s not always easy to find, but it’s worth looking for - and always remember that you could always have a little soul.

[stygiantarot]

Tactile Witchcraft

(taught on The Alexandria Archives 5/16/2020)

Today we shall be exploring witchcraft from a specific sensory perception- touch. While there is absolutely no wrong sense to use to experience and practice witchcraft; I would say that sight and hearing are the most common; followed by scent. I’d like to offer an alternative inspiration with tactile focused witchcraft and show that it can be intermingled with a witch’s routine quite easily. This is especially helpful for those of us who have trouble with the common “visualizing” side of witchcraft.

Using my own experiences, I’ll explain how tactile witchcraft can be incorporated into the following routines and practices:

raising energy/charging

grounding and cleansing

meditation

divination

protection

ritual framework

Raising Energy and Charging Objects

Raising energy is used for almost any focused activity in witchcraft. The act of awakening your focus and intention in a ritual way. Many use visualizing for this- imagining energy flowing upwards into their hands or outward from their body like an expanding bubble. There are some common tactile methods that you may not even be aware of! Such as:

rubbing your hands together until they’re warm

posturing in a certain way (a certain standing or sitting position)

stomping or dancing

touching certain favored objects (like on an altar or other tools)


This can be expanded on further into a more intense tactile action to raise your energy. Certain complex hand motions (think like the show The Magicians!), or physically connecting with objects that help you raise energy. You could run your fingers through a pot of dirt or sand, put your feet in the tub or a basin and run water over them, toss a special stone or coin from hand to hand (carefully of course), rub a particular lotion or oil on your face, arms, shoulders, or feet.

Notice tactile sensations rather than visual ones to know that your energy is being called forth. Feel the heat, the goosebumps or tingles, a tightening or adjusting of your body’s muscles or stance, a small breeze or touch perhaps.

When it comes to charging objects and tools- get into using your body to do so! My personal method is called “massaging the bones” and can be read about here.

You can also use your lips to kiss or blow your breath onto the object. You can jump or dance with it. You can hug it, cuddle it, wrap it in a special blanket, stroke it with a brush, feather, leaf, etc. Just the act of focusing your attention with this activities imbues the object with energy. It might be harder than raising energy to feel a direct effect but you can still get the temperature change or goosebumps/prickles sensation when charging objects like this. Especially if you take it slow and give it emotional depth during the process.

Do you have any special things you do to welcome a new special object into your home? Especially something emotional like a stuffie or sentimental decorative object. What about things you enjoy yourself when visiting a close friend or family member? Think about how you can incorporate those kind of actions in altered ways to charging objects and ritual tools.

Grounding and Cleansing

The act of grounding frequently involves a tactile element already. Touching the floor with your hands or feet is the most common. You can add onto this with having a bowl or pot of soil, sand, marbles/stones, or other substance (you could use salt or flour!) that you run your fingertips through. When you use food or drink to ground, incorporate observing the tactile element along with the taste- the texture and the temperature.

Grounding is basically using deliberate observation to bring ourselves gently back into focus with the mundane world. Stroke a pet, a blanket, a stuffie. Shuffle a deck of cards or shake and roll some dice. Stack or unstack a favorite pile of books. Flip through one of those books. What do the pages feel like? What about the cover and binding? And there is nothing wrong with branching out to include multiple senses at once when focusing on tactile grounding- while flipping through the book and observing the pages, notice what they smell like. What does the book smells like? You can also focus on your own limbs and body, give yourself a brief massage limb by limb (lotion optional). Or trace your skin with a brush or fingertip, even a pen if you like to draw or write.

What actions tend to help bring you back to yourself when emotions overwhelm you? That’s mundane grounding! Think about how to incorporate some of those into a practice for grounding after a ritual or working.

When it comes to cleansing, the easiest way to do it tactilely is to literal clean the space (or your own body) that you are wanting to cleanse. Create a floor wash with particular correspondences and ingredients and then wash your floor, walls, and doorways with it. Mix a scented powder to sweep into corners to collect negative energy and then vacuum it up after a couple days (make sure to check if it’s pet safe ingredients if needed; they love to lick their paws after walking all over!). But you can also do variations on this if you don’t have the ability or spoons to physically clean a room.

Take a small scrap of fabric and charge it with the rooms energy. You can do this by walking around wiping down surfaces or just by sitting in the room or area needed to be cleansed holding the cloth and focusing on how the room feels, smells, sounds, and letting it “collect” into the cloth. Now get a small bowl of water, add some cleansing herbs or even just a squeeze of lemon juice and sprinkle of salt. Now wash that cloth gently but thoroughly. Let the energy of that washing spread outwards from the cloth to tie to the room. The cloth is the space’s taglock. And it can be reused- hang the fabric to dry as the room is cleared of bad energy and then gently fold it and place it in a safe place until needed again. This can be stacked on in other purposes- painting or stitching protection sigils on it to protect the space.

It’s important that the tactile cleansing action is something you associate personally with removing debris and dust but otherwise be as creative as you like!

Meditation

So much of mainstream meditation books, articles, and videos focus on auditory meditation. If any of you are like me, that can get old or lose it’s effectiveness on some days. I’m not a big meditator personally; especially of the type that’s “zone out and don’t think of anything” so this section will be short but here are a couple ways I do focused tactile meditations for inspiration:

Walking path meditations: I like to do cemeteries, but it can be parks, hikes, even just a walk in your neighborhood or in a shopping/urban district. The goal is mostly to not focus on any one thing too long and to observe your surroundings, especial natural ones. The weather, the vegetation, the structures/architecture, creatures, even energy/ vibes/feelings.

Strand or String based mediation: this involves knotting a long strand of string or rope, crocheting/knitting, braiding (even your own hair), sewing or embroidering, etc. Basically anything semi-repetitive that involves a fabrics, yarn, or string-like materials. It’s not about entirely zoning out, but about noticing the feel of your activity and how it makes you feel. You can include music as well if you like, again it’s okay to combine senses.

Kitchen based mediation: Kneading dough, mixing batter, combining a soup or stew, stirring a drink, chopping ingredients (safely of course), shaping cookies, tenderizing meat, rolling out and cutting pasta, etc. So many aspects of creating a dish in the kitchen have a meditative quality to them. Again, the idea isn’t to “think of nothing”, especially when working around heat and sharp objects. The idea is the almost repetitive action that you know is going to lead to nurturing sustenance. This can also be a good way to teach kiddos a gentler version of meditating without it being a huge chore. It was while kneading dough that my grandmother taught me to reflect on my day and what I wanted from the upcoming one- a version of focused meditation.

Self-care meditation: Soaking in a bath, smoothing on lotion, applying a face mask, brushing hair, massaging aching muscles, mixing up a favorite cuppa, etc. Give yourself that well deserved attention and gentleness while you let your mind also be soothed. Focus on the texture of your products on your skin, the feel of tea in your mouth and belly, the way you feel after giving yourself that treat.

Divination

Even divining has a tactile component that can be expanded! A deck of cards being shuffled is already about the feel, but you can also take the time to feel each card facedown before you turn them over. Do you notice anything different when you touch each one? If you take the time to truly shuffle your cards slowly and deliberately as a focusing activity to help get you in the zone of divining (before you even start considering a specific question or inquiry), you may be surprised to notice your ability to shuffle improve, especially if you do this daily. I encourage shuffling a deck at least once or twice a day regardless of whether you actually do a reading. Bond with that deck physically. Let your fingertips become so familiar with your deck(s) that you could pick it out of lineup, merely by the touch.

Other ways to divine with tactile focuses are: 


casting objects (throwing the bones: the feel of each piece should go into what associations it gets ascribed.

aleuromancy: toss, mix, or knead the flour with your hands. The shaping of dough for the paper slips is tactile. And you can use physical differences in each cookie in your interpretations as well.

wax divination: there is a variation on fire scrying that specifically uses wax and the way it melts. There is a physical aspect to this in holding the candle, feeling the wax when it’s still warm or after it has cooled. I’ve even kept interesting shaped drippings as charms or offerings on shrines

dowsing: using the touch and movement of an object in your hands to divine location of specific things (classically water).

palmistry: taking the feel and texture of the skin and lines into account

astragalamancy: feeling the dice and the act of throwing them

Protection

The act of protecting one’s practice and self is quite a varied one but most witches do practice some form of protection work in their practice. Whether for a space, self, or other persons they care about. It’s another practice that has a common visualizing methodology with imagining stacked bricks, hammered shields, pricking thorns, biting teeth, etc.

Much like what was discussed in the raising energy section, there are a lot of actions that can be done to focus your energy on protection without needing to invoke a sense that doesn’t work as well for you. Braiding a belt or bracers with protective colors or materials and affixing to a taglock or poppet. Creating a sympathetic magic wall of legos or blocks for a personal shield or property ward. Stitching protective sigils onto your clothing or on curtains in your home. Sympathetic magic is when a “stand in” object or representation of your goal or person is used to connect the will of influence. It’s very useful for tactile witchcraft and I find it especially effective in protective magic.

As with the gentle massaging mentioned in the charging objects section, the emotional side of your tactile action is important. When it comes to protection, if you need to smash, squish, stab, tear, flush, or stomp your sympathetic magic object during this process, go with that desire! (safely of course) Using a nail to puncture a potato over and over before you pour a withering potion over it is doubly effective at hex or curse breaking.

Protection doesn’t have to be something violent either; you can tap into loving feelings and give a protective bath or massage to a popper or taglock. You can gently weave a protective square of material as a shield. You could sculpt something out of clay or dough. Feeling where your protective strength and comfort stems from and build upon it!

Ritual Framework

This last section will outline how to tie a lot of what has been discussed together into a longer ritual framework. Multiple tactile actions during a ritual when it something you find effective in raising and directing your energy will only pack a stronger punch, so to speak.

Start by choosing a method of energy raising that involves touch and texture but relates well to your ritual goal. For example; if doing a ritual to heal a friend I wouldn’t choose something like stomping or throwing objects. The lotion or oil anointing would work well; or even the running water over the body. It might be hard to do with a faucet since I’d have to move from my bathroom to my ritual space afterwards but this can be accounted for either in mindset or by altering it. Bring a large basin of water and bowl or cup to your ritual space and pour the water over your feet and hands.

Then you might use some sympathetic magic to send healing energy to your friend. Create a poppet for the loved one that you can literally massage or give a soothing bath to. You might go beyond simple tactile actions and tuck the poppet into a comfy spot to sleep, read it a favorite story or sing a favorite song. Paint a healing sigil on the scrap of fabric you use as a blanket.

Use some tactile divination if needed to help guide you and your friend to the most ideal way to deal with this time while they heal. The fortune cookie variation of aleuromancy would be a good choice; you and your friend can reap the rewards of the baked goods together.

Grounding yourself after is important- don’t forget! This ritual would take a lot out of your, especially emotionally, with it being focused on healing a loved one. You might stroke a special blanket, stuffie, or pet to bring that soothing connection along with your grounding. Or stacking some favorite books that you might even pick from to unwind is a good choice too.

You can see from the example laid out how building on all these suggestions can work in tandem together for various forms of witchcraft and intentions.

What sort of ritual do you think could be built with a tactile focus? If you don’t usually do traditional rituals, what sort of working have you been inspired to add a new tactile element to?

[cwmoonglum]

Excession & Annihilation

The titular event/object of Iain M Banks Excession is what the author terms an 'Outside Context Problem,' something that Banks characterises as a normally once in a civilisational lifespan occurrence. His go to example via his experience playing Sid Meier's Civilization game series is that of steamships intruding into territories where the dominant civilisation relies on wind power. Both our own histories and those of the myriad doomed aristocracies that I created in Meier's games attest to the fact that such Outside Context Problems often presage societal collapse. Whether this results in colonisation or in renewal, integration of the OCP is a civilisationally generative force that renders preceding political/social structures unsustainable. The power of the Tokugawa Shogunate is invariably weakened by the intrusion of Commodore Perry; Satsuma and Chōshū samurai can assert themselves as part of a world system and appeal to Western powers for aid in reshaping Japan.

'Excession' itself means 'a going out or forth,' and it's easy to read transitional moments in this manner. Equally, we can render it a pun as an expression of ratcheting up civilisational tiers; rather than succeeding feudally the transition exceeds the containing system. Yoshinobu Tokugawa's abdication is a radical disjuncture that precedes not another Age of Warring States where daimyo fillet one another to become the next Shogun, but a moment where the exceeding power of Western technoscience results in a total shift towards new political and social forms.

Such moments are the bread and butter of science fiction. Whether this is in 'first contact' stories where the inhabitants of Earth are invaded/subjected to quasi-religious revelation or the Sense of Wonder school's obsession with confronting the vicissitudes of Deep Time. Banks' Excession is in the end a transitory event/object; a consciousness that transits between universes and cannot be perceived even by the hyperintelligent machines that run the advanced civilisation of the Culture. Definitionally, this cannot be integrated without a shift in what the Culture is for (ostensibly, self perpetuation).

The technowarriors of Alex Garland's adaptation of Annihilation face a similar problem to the Culture's Minds, but react in ways several civilisational stages below. On Earth, in the present day, an alien event/object has crashlanded. Like the Zone of the Strugatsky's/Tarkovsky or M. John Harrison's Kefahuchi Tract, the Shimmer is an area completely resistant the contemporary technoscience. It exceeds our understanding despite years of research and multiple intrusions by (importantly) military forces. Garland presents the Shimmer event/object as a source of mystery, both occluding its meaning and occluded from the civilisation by the military-industrial Tokugawa analogues, 'the Southern Reach' who only see in it their own death. The protagonist, a biologist named Lena, has lost her husband to the Shimmer and resolves to enter it herself. In this, she is a typical science hero who is joined by a cadre of others (an EMT, a psychologist, a physicist, a geologist). Notably, this is the first nonmilitary group to enter the Shimmer; yet Lena is exmilitary, the psychologist is a government employee and all enter armed and armoured in the livery of patriarchal technoscience.

The film follows the logic of a horror video game; the supposed science heroes stagger from one set piece to the next picking up notes left by previous incursions into the Shimmer. They kill a mutated alligator, they watch a recording of Lena's husband slicing open his teammate to reveal a digestive tract that moves like a snake. Being inside the Shimmer is acting upon the very biology of those within it. Lena and the technowarriors accompanying her react largely with horror; the Shimmer represents a boundary violating queerness on multiple levels. The Shimmer is growing. Momentarily occluded from civilisation by explanation of a oil spill, the Southern Reach has internalised its own lie and can only view the Shimmer as an unintelligent polluting event.

Yet, the boundaries it violates are more than geographical or even biological. The Shimmer reawakens the scientists fear of an active Nature outside the control of patriarchal technoscience and modern consumption. Consider that this Outside Context Problem crashlanded in a national park, where Nature is safely contained. The growth of the Shimmer represents a civilisational danger because it will eventually encompass cities, people. Rather than the obedient Nature understood/constrained by technoscience, this mutant strain both acts with and upon the bodies and minds of those dispatched to study it. In fact, like the superconsciousness of Banks' novel it is in actuality an event/subject, violating the normative scientific dispassionate observer by looking back. This provides a neat mirroring of the central thread of Lena's psychology, where she is riven by guilt because of her violation of the boundaries of her heterosexual marriage. Her husband, she thinks, accepted an apparent suicide mission because he observed that she had cheated on him.

It transpires (or is indeed obvious from the title) that Lena's mission is not a mission of integration or understanding of the OCP, but a fascistic attempt to reseal Pandora's box. The technowarriors are dispatched to foreclose on the liberatory mutation offered by the Shimmer (for isn't all evolution driven by mutation?) and reassert the primacy of patriarchy, heterosexuality and military technoscience. Only the physicist on the team accedes to a dialogue with the Shimmer, accepting its action upon her DNA and mutating into a swirl of leaves that is carried away on the wind. For Lena, a filial warrior, the Shimmer's repurposing of human DNA to grow trees in human shapes or give a human voice to a mutant bear is grotesque because it ruptures a technological hierarchy and suggests forms of being-with Nature rather than being-over, using it. Nature, in the Shimmer, is a libidinal force that requires strict control lest it cause hurt like her own libido. Yet, it is notable that the protagonists of Garland's film can only conceive of this new generative model as essentially inferior. It is queerness understood as mimicry and grotesque pastiche.

Nowhere is this understanding clearer than in the climax of the film, where Lena finds the source of the Shimmer. Walking past the high camp decoration of a beach littered with sparkling glass trees, she enters into a lighthouse where an alien object crashed. She finds a video of her husband's suicide, concluding her suspicion that the returnee who looks like him is a Shimmer-generated clone. More importantly, she finds a genital-like hole (replete with pubic hair-like extrusions of plant matter) and descends therein to an alien womb, which generates a mirrored, non-humangendered creature. This creature mimics Lena's movements directly, and is accompanied by musical noises similar to the work of queer artist Arca (indeed the design of the creature recalls the work of her collaborator Jesse Kanda). Lena interprets the touch of this queer alien subject as aggression, even as it lies alongside her and engages in dance-like communication. Pushing her to the floor to rise again in sync, the alien feels more like a child than an invader. If this subject is acting upon Lena biologically, it can only be understood as a laudible attempt at xenocommunication. This xenogenerative biological sharing (think here of the Oankali in Octavia Butler's Lilith's Brood) is too queer, can only be understood as penetrative invasion of the patriarchal human subject. For Lena to accept it would be to reenact her infidelity on a civilisational scale. So, she kills it.

Disturbingly, once she returns she claims to the Southern Reach that the alien made no attempt to communicate. She tells a lie to reestablish the boundaries of civilisation, and is rewarded by a parallel chance to reestablish her heterosexual couple form with the clone of her husband. That the film closes with their eyes glimmering in an alien fashion doesn't trouble the patriarchal technoscience of their civilisation; they have integrated the queerness of the Shimmer into heterosexuality and human boundaries.

The OCP is defeated and subsumed by the forces of reaction in a way that is only possible in fiction, foreclosing on the new ways of being with Nature that are vital to reforming and revolutionising civilisation in the same way that queerness opens vital paths to reforming our social and cultural relations. Per Donna Haraway, we are living through 'ongoing multi-species stories and practices of becoming-with in times that remain at stake, in precarious times, in which the world is not finished and the sky has not fallen—yet.' Annihilation presupposes that the only way out is to reassert the primacy of the human, and demand that history = man + tool. Being-with is determined to be perverse, frightening and dangerous; in this the film isn't wrong. But such perversity and terror inevitably overflows any container humanity can build. Nature is on the march, and only the perverse and the queer will survive Her terror. We need to exceed current forms; the alternative is Annihilation.

[eunahfmdarchive]

so-so - full lyrics credit, full composition credit, full production credit. date: january 2021-ish. word count: 1,813, not including lyrics. as per usual, this sucks <3 but also it was kind of fun. did i write it well? no, but it was fun. uHH don’t bother reading this, and beth i’m really sorry that you have to. CW: very brief mentions of sex.

what’s her sound? eunah laments over the question for a long time. is it problematic for her to investigate her musical identity so closely? does it make what she writes less sincere? or on the contrary, does it make the end product more thoroughly thoughtful? last year, eunah spent a lot of time questioning her style of songwriting. it mostly came as a result of appearing on our songs, where the different assignments pushed her out of her comfort zone. and since then, the music she writes has become more varied. even so, eunah feels an urge to return to her roots, to write something with more theatrical leanings. over the last year, she’s become a lot more concerned with writing songs that will sell, trapping herself within walls of dimensions entertainment’s design.

it would be nice to write something just for her, for a change.

rather than settling down in front of her piano with her notebook to write another generic love song, eunah decides that, for once, she wants to be as honest as she can in what she creates, instead of dressing up her feelings inside of another song for dimensions’ approval. 

it’s not like nobody’s good enough for me i just don’t quite feel like it i meet guys once or twice or maybe a few days but the awkwardness is always there

when it comes to romance, the last couple of years have been ... interesting for eunah. she’s happy where she is right now, contented in her singleness, but things haven’t always been that way for her. only a handful of weeks ago, she was seeing someone, and entertaining the idea of making it official. a lot of boys have come and gone with surprising fleetingness, all of them usually inspiring a song or three. nowadays though, when she thinks back on them and their relationships, she doesn’t feel much. she remembers their dates and kisses in a largely neutral fashion, and finds that, even without those guys by her side, she feels just fine. it’s sort of disheartening to realise that maybe she’s still the girl she was three or so years ago, back when she was so much more emotionally distant. she doesn’t seem to be able to make any romantic relationship last. or maybe, it’s just that she’s become less dependent on others. maybe, she’s more independent than she thought. she’d like to fall in love for real one day, to let go of her inhibitions completely and feel freely, but the idea of that is scary as well. as happy as she is right now, maybe it’s safer for her to maintain a certain amount of distance in her romantic affairs. perhaps this is just the way she loves -- neutrally, carefully, awkwardly, but sincerely.

she still isn’t confident enough to have sex with the lights on. 

no matter who i meet so-so being alone is just so-so not so exciting but not all that bad (so-so) i’m starting to forget what love is supposed to be like i can’t even remember

though i’m jealous of couples (how lucky) i’m not that lonely being alone (it’s quite alright) my phone never rings and I’m free on weekends the only thing i hate is myself in front of the tv

so-so is just the right way to express it. the song, she realises, isn’t just only for herself in the context of thinking too hard about what the company wants, but it’s taking back at least some of her creative agency from her exes. she loved them, truly, but it’s freeing to write as eunah -- just eunah, rather than a version of herself connected to someone else. 

there’s a desire for companionship underlying it all. that’s unavoidable. people are desperate to rid themselves of loneliness more than anything else, she thinks. but eunah isn’t lonely. being alone isn’t an issue for her, but non-action is. the image of herself reflected back at her on a darkened television screen makes her wrinkle her nose. it makes her feel like she isn’t being productive, or that at the very least there should be someone sitting next to her, arm thrown around her shoulder. or, when she sees herself on the screen, singing about love, or, more recently, acting in love. is it normal to feel jealous of her on screen self? maybe.

but there’s no prince and princess ending for hong seol either. that’s a refreshing aspect of the show, of the character. 

she supposes though, that that’s part of her motivations too. if she isn’t attached to someone in her personal life, she’s attached to someone else via her profession ... she likes that, she thinks, the ability to slip into a second skin. she likes the time she has alone too, though. 

once again, everything is just so-so.

the lyrics come together easily enough, a rare blessing for someone like her, who usually pieces scraps of sentences together for weeks until she finds an order that she likes, habitually swapping things around at the last possible chance, ten minutes before stepping into a recording booth. with the actual music itself, eunah’s a lot less finicky and fickle. sitting in front of her piano, eunah thinks about let me in -- she’s come a long, long way since then, but she’s still that girl. she spent a lot of time trying to recover a previous version of eunah, but she came to the conclusion, eventually, that she’s not going to be able to go back there. she’s changed, and that’s okay. maybe this won’t be the song to show her progress through its lyrics, but she thinks it could be a song to call back to let me in in a stylistic sense. a song with a musical sort of tone. 

it’s a self indulgent decision to return to her roots, in much the same way that choosing to write an uninterested, bored-with-love love song was in the first place. the songs she’s written most recently have taken her out of her comfort zone. dancing cartoon, count you out, painting and seattle alone all forced her to use a little more brain power than she’d usually put into coming up with melodies, and twice as much brain power again for the ones she produced for. eunah doesn’t consider herself to be that good at production yet, so she focuses on making a type of song that she could hopefully work with easily. eunah’s hands pause atop the keys of her piano. she wasn’t sure at what stage she’d mentally committed to producing the song herself as well, but she apparently had. 

her progress on the song is quicker than usual. writing this song -- she thinks she’ll call it so-so after all -- isn’t as strenuous as writing some of her others. eunah’s never been the type to believe that a song’s worth directly equates to the amount of blood, sweat, and tears shed in the process of making it. in fact, she finds it relaxing, as she constructs a mid-tempo, largely cheery tune for her lyrics. the melody still turns somber at some points, to fit the more contemplative parts of the lyrics, but the music quickly picks up again for the chorus. she wants the song to really be something that highlights her voice and her abilities. the music, she decides, will ultimately be an accompaniment in a very true sense. a lot of the songs idols put out nowadays have instrumental heavy choruses rather than vocally focused ones. it doesn’t even stop there, extending to pop songs from overseas too. eunah doesn’t mind that to listen to, or to perform in 7rophy, but she doesn’t think that she could pull off something like that by herself. 

when she pushes back from her piano, all of her notes scribbled down messily across a handful of pages, eunah breathes out a tired sigh -- tired, yes. sad? frustrated? no, quite the opposite. she hums her new song to herself as she drifts off to sleep.

once the melody is pinned down and she records the vocals, eunah plants herself squarely in her studio at dimensions headquarters, essentially living out of there for a handful of days and leaving crys’ care to her roommate. it’s not officially her studio or anything, but it’s the one she uses nine times out of ten that she needs somewhere to work on her music. she’s grateful for the space, and for the agency she has over her solo music. she knows, however, if the finished product isn’t what dimensions want, they’ll make whatever edits they want. that’s why this stage, the final one, is so important. she’s busy these days with press junkets and promotional material for cheese in the trap, and this is the first chance she’s really had to toy around with the song’s production properly. there were moments that eunah could have stolen before, but she wanted to wait for a time in her schedule when she was able to consistently work on it. she’s made some amendments to the tune and lyrics since, the last of which happened right before recording the version of her vocals that she went with. she realised after how the lyrics might be read or interpreted more sadly than she initially intended them to come across. she leans into it though, pleased to see her song taking on somewhat of a life of its own. with that in mind, recording went smoothly.

it is sad, she ultimately agrees, even as she arranges the background instrumentals in a decidedly happy leaning order. acting through her voice is something eunah has always prided herself on. it’s her strongest skill -- some would probably say it’s her only skill. if that really is the case, eunah thinks that it’s a fine skill to have, if she can really only have one. it’s a good thing too, because after countless edits and a spread of versions with only slight differences for her to choose from, the one that eunah likes best is the one where her voice does most of the work. the arrangement of the instruments isn’t particularly interesting or unique, but it’s pretty and listenable, and does exactly the job she wanted it to. it’s a perfect accompaniment for her voice, climbing in just the right spots to support her belts, and lulling into silence just after her vocals softly peter out. there’s backing vocals added throughout, layers of her own voice propping her primary self up, appearing in just the right places as echoed confirmations of the lyrics’ lamentations. eunah likes a song that comes with all the bells and whistles as much as the next musical theatre fan (professional? she supposes she is) or noise music performing idol, but she think a song like this is what suits her best. though she set out on a well-intentioned but always doomed quest to define her style by returning to her roots and making something theatrical, she ended up with something simple. something that, in its difficulty level, might be described by its own title -- so-so. maybe she’s just less dramatic nowadays. her emotions have definitely been reined in, in a good way; in a manageable way. worrying about her music’s sincerity won’t get her anywhere.

and anyways, it’s fine, she thinks, for me to be so-so about things. i spent too long losing myself to my emotions already. eunah figures that, to some extent, life is good if life is boring. submitting it with a slight, but satisfied smile, eunah can only hope that the title isn’t predictive of the song’s reception.

[deobis]

Road to Kingdom Episode 4 Thoughts

The third challenge was for each group to pick one of their own songs and perform it. I really wish RTK stuck with the “king” theme, but I guess there are only so many challenges they can create revolving that topic. 

DISCLAIMER: I am a lot harsher in this review than any of my other posts. Please know that I do not hate any of the 7 groups and I truly wish the best for all of them. This is just an analysis of the most recent performances.

Anyways onto my rankings!

Enjoyment ranking: 

Pentagon (Wow! For once it’s not TBZ haha)

Verivery

The Boyz

Oneus

ONF

TOO

Golden Child

Objective Ranking:

Verivery

The Boyz

Pentagon

ONF

Oneus

Golden Child

TOO

Prediction rankings:

Pentagon

The Boyz

Verivery

ONF

Oneus

TOO

Golden Child

Put a prediction ranking bc the rankings haven’t been announced yet so we will see tomorrow!

For the first time in forever, TBZ is not first in my book. Shocker I know. That’s not to say that I didn’t like their performance or concept but rather the other groups (PTG and Verivery) did better in my eyes. Let’s talk about TBZ’s Reveal (Catching Fire) perf. I’ll call it RCF for short. TBZ was the only group to continue a story from the second challenge. This gains major points in my book as I love plot driven performances. Anything with a story or clear objective gains brownie points because it’s what makes performances an art. You can dance to a song but if there’s no emotion it stays as a sport rather than a form of artistic expression. TBZ have shown their artistry fully through RTK, something they haven’t really been able to do before. I’m amazed at how they are able to control shock factor so well. I was worried the stunts of Danger would outshine whatever they had to show in RCF but they proved me wrong. There were less stunts this time but they focused on a much larger picture (pun intended). They added backup dancers and allowed the camera to take wider shots to show their formations. I just felt like they lacked a spark this time. If you can’t already tell, I prefer their Danger performance much more. A large part of this is due to the arrangement of Danger. The RCF arrangement was interesting and refreshing but there wasn’t anything really new. Maybe I feel this way because I’ve listened to Reveal too many times who knows. Negatives aside, I have to say I really liked the choreography changes. The part where Haknyeon is center really blew my mind. 

But here’s why I liked Verivery and Pentagon’s performance more: emotion. Pentagon’s is obvious, they used this stage to send off someone they really love. You can really see that the members love Jinho and that they have a deep bond. Pentagon was also the only group to mix two of their songs together, one being a title track and one being a side track (note: PTG and Verivery are the only groups who picked side b’s for their song). Pentagon’s arrangement was impeccable. For me, the new Shine sounded like a Jpop song (mostly because of the rock vibes; if you listen to Jpop you know what I mean), while still retaining the bright theme of Shine. A lot of people might say the performance was too emotional and not professional, but out of all 7 performances, Pentagon’s was the most meaningful and was delivered the best. The message and how they played with the stage was stunning and their little additions and references to other popular Kpop songs makes it so you will notice something new every time you rewatch it. Please watch this video where Hongseok goes into detail about the little easter eggs and the whole purpose behind their performance. I have so much respect for Pentagon and I could write so much more about this performance but I must talk about the other 5 haha (if you want to hear more feel free to ask!)

Verivery. VERIVERY. God DAMN did they really come back and hit hard. They definitely had the clearest and most well thought out performance of all. What differentiates them from TBZ’s story like performance is that TBZ had too much going on in my opinion. They tried to tell us a long story with not enough time. This is why so many fans have vastly different interpretations of their performance. While this can often be a good thing, I think you have to find a balance when doing a storytelling performance. Verivery cleanly executes their narrative of a nightmare and takes the cliche of “it was all a dream” to the max by going “SIKE” at the end. Their choreography was so well planned out and they were honestly very minimalistic about their stage, just like TBZ’s Danger stage. The shock factor is just right (my favorite part being when the backup dancers have the smoke come out of their mouth). Not only that but Photo is a SIDE TRACK. I cannot stress enough how brave of them that is. I legitimately thought it was a title track until I looked at their discography. They arranged their side b to sound like a title track, and not only that, they changed the overall feel of the song as well. If you listen to the original Photo, it sounds more like a bad boy song, but their RTK version is very much so horror/rock themed. I can’t STRESS how good this performance is. Especially because it’s such a contrast from their last performance. Photo is now in my spotify playlist and I have no regrets.

Now onto the last 4 performances. I hate to break it to you all but... I didn’t really like any of them. None of them made me think “wow I could rewatch this so many times.” Lets start with Oneus. LIT is my favorite Oneus song so I highly anticipated this performance. If you didn’t know Oneus before and only watch this stage you might think its a very good stage with a strong traditional theme. I totally agree, the traditional theme is unique to Oneus and I loved the instrumental changes they made so the song would cater more to their theme. The biggest issue I had with this stage was that It literally is just like their music video. If you have seen the LIT mv you will know what I mean. The dragon dance, traditional clothing, theme, sound, everything was too similar. The stage was grand but it just felt like a live version of their MV. 

I know a lot of people liked ONF’s performance. Let me just say first that they killed it and YooA was *chefs kiss* The biggest issue I had with this stage was its message and theme. They seemed to have a conductor/medieval theme but also the masks?? Like what? It felt so out of place and random. I felt like a lot of their stage choices had little to no purpose. I honestly still don’t understand why YooA was there. The duet dance was nice but why? It seemed like they were trying to tell a story but it just wasn’t clear to me. It looked nice and everything but that was about it. In no way am I saying the performance was bad, it’s just there’s nothing that makes me want to go back and watch again. I think the fact that there was a plot but no plot at the same time really bothered me and that’s why I didn’t like it as much. 

TOO has grown a lot since episode one. They are truly experimenting with the stage and I’m very happy to see that. I have the same issue with TOO as I did with ONF. There was a clear theme of “dark vs light” or “evil vs good” but why? What was the point? The theme may have seemed obvious but was it really? Were they trying to convey good vs bad, angel vs devil, justice vs injustice? I couldn’t tell throughout the entire performance. It’s okay to take cliche themes but with a show like RTK, there needs to be something more. I also hate to be harsh but some of their execution just wasn’t as clean. This doesn’t only apply to Chan (I think that’s his name), but the whole performance in general. The most obvious instance is the head twist part. But I applaud Chan for performing with 100% even after his mistake (which, by the way, he made look very natural. I was very sad when he kept beating himself up over the mistake 😞 you did great bb I hope you know that). Even if their age and lack of experience is shown in their performances, I must say they are really stepping out of their comfort zone and learning at a rapid pace. I have high hopes for them.

Now onto the last group. Golden Child. I was very impressed with GolChas first two performances but this one was a disappointment. I appreciate the use of strings and their classical arrangement (as I said in my previous episode thoughts post) but this performance was, well, dull to say the least. The only “shock factor” was the violin solo (which was very good btw), but I think it was too late into the performance. There wasn’t much that made me interested in the performance up to that point. I don’t know. There really just isn’t much for me to talk about because they didn’t really do much.(God that sounds so harsh;; I’m sorry 😭😭) I really think their second performance was highly underrated but all in all this third one was not it. 

As you can see my critiques for this set of performances are, well, a lot harsher. I think it’s because the bar was raised so much higher after the first three episodes. Overall, if I had seen any of these performances outside of the RTK context I probably would have been a lot more impressed and shocked. I wish the best for all the groups and no matter who gets eliminated tomorrow I want all the groups to know that they all deserve a spot in the Kingdom. Mnet is just trash.

[trialround]

Allow me this one

Stephan Leyhe/Andreas Wellinger

Wisla 2019

Spending the season apart was never supposed to be our reality.

”If you say you miss me, I’ll hang up the phone right now. It’s been only three days,” is the way Andi greets me when he picks up the phone. He doesn’t give me a chance to reply before continuing himself. “We agreed to be sensible, cold-hearted adults who will treat this as a minor inconvenience. No mushy feelings allowed! Now we are just like any other couple who has to deal with the other half travelling all the time. This is the new reality.”

“Richi snores,” I say because that’s the first thing that comes to my mind other than the fact how much this reality sucks. The reality where I’m sitting in a hotel in Poland, while Andi is at home where he will stay the whole winter while I’m away. It would be mostly fine, had we known this would be our reality, when we started dating, but that hadn’t been the case. We both had known there was the possibility of not competing together but over the years it became a distant nightmare when we established our places in the national team.

Spending the season apart was never supposed to be our reality.

“What? Right now? It’s only past seven.” Andi sounds as tense as I feel. It’s only been a few days, but it’s been harder than I thought. Not having him here has made me realize how much we really lean on each other, on the job and off it.

“Not right now. Now he’s in the shower. Just, you know, I general. He keeps me awake at night.”

“Wear earplugs,” Andi suggests sounding completely unsympathetic. “Or pick another roommate.”

“I can’t just pick whoever I want, that’s not how it works. My roommate is not here so I’m left with whoever wants to take me. So I ended up with Richi. Who snores.” Demanding sympathy from him is useless. It’s easier to leave than to be left behind after all, and I know I shouldn’t really complain about anything. Complaining keeps things light though, and light, easy banter is allowed. Encouraged even. It takes both of our minds away from thinking how much this sucks.

“Let me get this straight: you interrupted my lazy evening because you wanted to complain about Richi’s snoring?” Andi sounds mildly annoyed. It has been a bad day for him, I can tell.

“Well, no. But I’m not allowed to talk about the reason I really called you so I had to come up with something else instead.”

We made rules before I left. We both knew talking about the situation would make us both only miserable. It is what it is, and we have to deal with that. So we banned sadness and pining for each other. There would be no tears on either end, no yearning to be together rather than apart. There would be only the easy banter, light back and forth. We know each other well enough to read between the lines, hear the true feelings behind the banter: those needs and fears that are too big to say out loud.

“Come up with something better then. I’m not interested in hearing about Richi’s sleeping habits.”

“He sleeps naked too,” I huff.

“Are you thinking about ditching me and changing for a fitter model?” There’s a familiar hint of mischief in Andi’s voice.

“What? Eugh, no!”

“Good,” Andi says. “Do not get any ideas while I’m not there to supervise.”

“Oh, yeah, because I’m the one who gets rogue when left untended,” I say drily.

“Well, who knows what you get up to while I’m not around.”

“Wild parties and casual flirting with anyone who comes close enough,” I say immediately.

“I knew it.”

“Dancing on the tables every night, crawling back to bed at five am,” I continue.

“That’s pushing it. You hate dancing.”

“You don’t know what a few vodka shots can do.”

“Oh, alcohol too. You rebel.” His voice sounds lighter already.

“I have unhealthy coping mechanisms.”

“So when you get kicked out of the team because of drinking and partying, it’s my fault?” Andi asks, laughing.

“Of course.”

“I’m hiring someone to keep you in line then. Can’t take the blame for ruining your career. Karl will help, I’m sure,” Andi ponders. He mutters something to himself, I can hear him moving around in our apartment. Imagining him padding to the bedroom, curling up alone in our bed makes something twist in my stomach.

“What about you?” I ask, distracting myself from my thoughts.

“What about me? I don’t need any supervision. I know how to behave.”

“Really?”

“Don’t sound so surprised, it’s offensive,” Andi huffs.

“Any coping mechanisms though?”

The other side of the line is quiet for a while, and I start to think I’ve crossed the invisible line with my question. Maybe it hits too close to home.

“Oh yeah! Chocolate,” comes Andi’s answer though, bright and happy as always, and I know the line is intact.

“Oh no,” I moan.

“Oh yes. I still have connections despite having a new sponsor.” He’s probably wiggling his brows.

“How much weight have you put up when I come home again?” I sigh.

“None. I keep up with my exercises. Even without you here providing an incentive.” He’s definitely wiggling his brows now. “You know, I also sleep naked,” Andi lowers his voice to a husky whisper. “In our bed. And without you here, I got the toys out to keep me company. You know the one we got last year for Valentine’s day – “

“Shut up, you sleep in my pyjamas curled around my pillow,” I interrupt before he gets too graphic.

“I most certainly do not!” He sounds offended.

“Bet you’re wearing my shirt right now. That yellow one that has a hole in the sleeve,” I tease. I know I’m right, when I hear him huff from the other side.

“It was the only one clean,” he says, petulant.

“I did laundry before I left,” I point out, laughing as my words are met with silence. “And I remember folding at least seven of your shirts ready for you to wear.”

“Yeah, well – “ Andi falls silent, and I can practically hear him trying to think a snarky comeback. His silence makes me laugh even more. “Shut up,” comes his order from the other side. He’s clearly annoyed at himself for not thinking anything clever to say back at me. I listen to the silence on the phone for a little while before caving in.

“I’m wearing your hoodie,” I amend softly.

“No mushiness!” he barks immediately, hearing my voice edge towards the danger zone.

“Fine. I’m taking it off then,” I continue.

“Don’t you dare,” he warns, and I smile as I hear the smile on his voice too.

“Make up your mind already.”

“I can be as indecisive as I like!”

“Pretty sure that’s my personality trait, not yours.”

“They say old married couples start to resemble each other.”

“We are neither old nor married,” I laugh at his words.

“Only because you rejected my proposal,” huffs Andi.

“If you still think ‘we should just get married so my sisters would stop nagging about it’ counts as a proper marriage proposal, we need to break up right now.”

“Admittedly not my proudest moment.”

“I’m glad you think so,” I smile to the phone.

“I’ll make it up to you one day,” he promises.

“You better. Nothing too grand though. And definitely nothing public.”

“Yeah yeah, I know.” He does know. We have talked about it before, casually, laughing about it, but deep down we both know it’s not a joke. There’s intention behind every word, a trust that a future together is what we both want.

Andi goes on about listing the things I definitely do not want my proposal to include. I’m happy to note that he seems to remember all my wishes.

As Andi is listing, the bathroom door opens and Richi steps outside zipping up his jeans. He mumbles something to me and gestures towards the phone.

“Richi is out of the shower,” I inform Andi. “And he wants me to tell you I’m a lovesick idiot for missing you after only three days,” I interpret Richi’s gestures.

“Tell him, I agree,” Andi says.

“He says he agrees,” I tell Richi who now fights the shirt over his head and grabs the phone away from me.

“You are probably even worse,” Richi hollers to the phone.”I’ll have you know Stephan has been very well behaved. Frankly I thought he’d be better off without you distracting him all the time, but turns out that might not be the case. But we’re all being very kind with him and we make sure he eats and sleeps enough and doesn’t worry too much,” Richi reports to Andi while patting my head. I try to push his hand aways but he only grins at me. “Anyway, I’m getting dinner now so I’ll be out for an hour or so, so you’re welcome to have all the phone sex you want while I’m away. Bye!”

“There will be no phone sex,” I inform Andi as soon as Richi has gone.

“Oh, don’t worry I didn’t get my hopes up. I know you’re old-fashioned and boring, and having sex via phone is the most repulsive idea ever.”

“True,” I smile.

“Even if your super hot boyfriend is laying naked in the bed, slowly stroking –“

“I’m hanging up.”

“Boring.”

“Yeah, well. Maybe you should ditch me then and find yourself a more adventurous partner.”

“Oi, no insulting my boyfriend! I’m the only one who gets to do that,” Andi interrupts immediately. Maybe it’s for the best. That’s the joke that always falls a bit flat even if I’m trying to be better about it. It’s difficult to shake the old insecurities, the feeling that maybe I am sometimes too boring for Andi.

“I’ll have you know, my boyfriend is plenty adventurous,” Andi continues, and it’s impossible to feel insecure when I hear the pride in his voice. It makes me smile. “Once we had sex in the waxing cabin.”

The smile is quickly gone from my face. “Oh god, don’t remind me.”

“Markus finding the condom we lost is still the most hilarious thing ever,” Andi laughs.

“You mean mortifying,” I correct him.

“Oh come on, it was highly amusing.”

“You have the weirdest sense of humor,” I say as my stomach churns. “Oh.”

“What?”

“I haven’t eaten yet. Richi talking about the dinner made me hungry too, that’s all.”

“Starving to death without me there taking care of you,” Andi gasps dramatically.

“Who’s mushy now?”

“We need to hang up, you need to eat,” Andi says, ignoring my words. “And you better not call me again this weekend or I’ll start to suspect you are breaking our no mushiness rule.”

���Deal.”

“Good.”

“Good.”

“Go have dinner then, love.”

“I will.”

“Okay. I’m going to take the toys out and go to bed. I’ll send you pictures.”

“Please don’t. Markus will find them eventually and be scarred for life.”

“All the more reason,” Andi declares happily.

“You’re horrible.”

“And yet you want to keep me around and never let go.”

“I’m starting to second-guess my decisions.”

“Don’t you dare!”

“I’ll hang up now,” I say, because it would be too easy to let him lure me to forget the dinner and just keep talking to him.

“Fine. Bye.”

“See ya.”

The room is too silent without his voice near my ear. I shake my head, rub my eyes, forcing the growing sadness away, and head to the restaurant to find the team. No mushiness, we promised, so I’ll spend the dinner laughing with the team, talking about jumping and the upcoming season, not thinking about Andi who should be here laughing next to me.

He does send me a picture later in the evening. It’s not with the toys though. It’s him wearing my favorite pair of pyjamas, curled up in our bed, smiling sleepily towards the camera. Attached is the text:

Fine, I lied. Allow me this one. Miss you.

[eurekq]

so here they are.... my revamped darlings. naohiko, rika, amane, and maya are new! im going to put all their bios under the cut, they’re mostly copypasted from the old ref though except for the new kids :P i really like naohiko, he’s basically an amalgamation of every percussionist i’ve ever known lmfao

basic premise: 16 fresh-out-of-highschool prodigies are invited to star in well-respected and widely-watched big brother-esque reality tv show, which takes place on a cruise ship. what they weren't expecting was for the show's 25th season to be a killing game! the students: CHOUMI YUKIYAMA: exceptional among even her fellow shsls, choumi made her historic mark on ballet by becoming the world's youngest ever prima ballerina at the age of 13 and japan's first ever prima ballerina assoluta at 18. fans flock to her ethereal, angelic grace on stage as well as to the percieved sense of otherworldlyness surrounding her albinism. on the darker side of her popularity, repeated sexual harassment from fans and male dance partners alike has hardened her world view to make her not quite cold, but definitely reserved in her emotions. she adapts fairly easy to stressful situations and pushes through pain with almost no visible outward struggle due to her all too common experience with dancing through foot and ankle injuries. because of this she usually ends up taking initiative in difficult scenarios if no one else steps forward. she is also a quite talented hobbyist figure skater and is fluent in both english and russian. REN KIKUHARA: a fairly odd florist in that instead of ordering flowers to arrange into bouquets, every flower he sells is grown himself. although this means that his selection is seasonally and fairly regionally limited, he has an incredible talent for working with plants and can even sometimes coax out-of-zone flowers to grow. he's fluent in hanakotoba and is surprisingly good at flirting through flowers without it seeming cheesy, although he doesn't do it very often. people often remark that his bouquets often seem to have more love and life in them than store-bought ones. ren is a calm and kind soul and prefers listening to talking, with what he does say always seeming to be just the right words for the situation. MARIKO MIKAMI: mariko was a sickly child, and spent a large part of her elementary school years in hospitals. around the age of seven, she began folding paper cranes as something to do, and wished to live normally after she folded her 1000th. she soon recovered, and feels that she owes her life to origami. she is precise and calculating in everything she does, which shines through in her art: every delicate, artful piece of origami that she makes is creased and folded perfectly. she also dabbles in wet-fold origami. she's most famous for her dry-fold though, and her pieces are well known for their complex, precise, mathematical beauty. she refuses to fold paper cranes anymore, feeling that they are too sacred for her to touch after they saved her life as a child. a calm, slightly disconcerting smile is always on her face, no matter the circumstance; her manner is polite for the most part, if i a little aggressive. MOMOTAROU KOBARA: momotarou, born into a rich family that fufilled his near-every want, made a name for himself in the world of collecting at the age of just eleven by, through luck and love for the series, collecting every pokemon card. from then on he set onto collecting just about anything non-perishable: pins, collectors set bandaids, vinyls, etc. he has exceptional luck in finding deals on ebay and other sites. he cant really be called a hoarder, since he likes to have just one of everything; he resells, gifts, or uses any duplicates. his mood swings between a dreamy, chilled out, flirtatious persona and periods of numb depression when it hits him that his whole life revolves around material possesions and that he has no real human connections. SARA KUROKAWA: a talented young woman from a long line of popular backalley tattoo artists. she combines traditional symbolism and youthful influence in her designs to make something new and more appealing for the younger generation, and is a huge proponent for tattoos being shown off for fashion rather than hidden away in the traditional style. sara does have (illegal) tattoos done by her older siblings on her arms despite the minimum age being 20, although her being homeschooled, looking older than her actual age, and having a tendency to wear long sleeves year round has led her to encounter few problems. she and her family are among the many who simply choose to ignore the statute requiring a medical license to tattoo. sara is a fairly rude person in a backhanded way, acts stereotypically catty and even a little deranged sometimes, and enjoys making herself the center of attention, whether through her appearance (dyed pink hair and white contacts) or the things she says. the only two things that can break her shell and make her excited and genuine are tattooing and piano, which she has played from a young age and loves. NAOHIKO KINZUMI: the son of a concert pianist and a professional jazz drummer, naohiko shortcutted the usual pots-and-pans percussion stage most children go through and spent most of his childhood hitting actual drums. blessed with perfect pitch and a natural feel for rhythm, his parents enrolled him in private music lessons at age five, and he joined onto his first indoor percussion ensemble at age 13. a fast learner, naohiko can play most all percussion instruments at a professional level, including both tuned and auxiliary. he is especially known for his drumset skill, specifically being able to match the speed and complexity of most double kick pedal rhythms with just one foot, and his delicate grace at bowed vibraphone. naohiko is loud, brash, and fun, with an infectious smile and sense of humor that draws people in. despite the flashiness of his drumset playing, his favourite instruments are actually the weird obscure ones, like the waterphone, mahler hammer, and "bucket of loud objects to be dumped on the floor". HARUMI HAMANAKA: harumi is a sweet and bubbly girl, if almost cloyingly so. her good luck is a fairly stable force (nowhere near as chaotic as komaeda, for example), generally acting in the favor of wishes of people around her. her mother intensly wanted for her to be on the show because of the exposure it provides, and this is what harumi attributes to her being selected. despite the way her luck operates, shes no doormat and in fact has an overwhelming force of personality, and her sweet demeanor can become rather passive aggressive if challenged on pretty much anything. SHOU KATSUKI (PROTAG): pushed to succeed in the game from a very young age, shou is japan's reigning chess champion, a FIDE-certified grandmaster, and went to international competition the year before the killing game. he played through to the finals with influenza, which worsened through the matches due to lack of treatment and culminated in debilitating pneumonia that left him in the hospital and unable to play for first. because of this, he's cultivated a sort of inferiority complex that he tries to cover for with self-confidence, which actually comes off as condescending rudeness. he has a natural talent for cause and effect analyzation and is good at planning ahead. he gets flustered easily over trivial things and is a sore loser, but tends not to crack under actual pressure. shou doesn't like to be associated with his family due to the intense pressure they put him under only to steal his winnings the second he began to succeed and thus prefers to be referred to by his given name, even by near-strangers. he does genuinely love chess, but his favourite board game is actually risk. (no one ever wants to play with him, though.) RIKA FUJIMIYA: originally scouted as a young child for her unique eyes and birthmarks, rika's first minor film role at the age of nine left the director stunned at her acting capability. as someone who grew up with a very murky self image and a difficulty interpreting social situations, rika lived most of her early life essentially "acting" the way she believed others would respond well to, which resulted in her easily adapting to doing the same for the cameras. she went on to have a very prolific child acting career without really settling into a niche. As a teenager she took her first steps into stage acting, playing juliet capulet at 16 in a moving and extremely impressive performance, and later at 18 performing a striking and memorable female hamlet. her deep and rich voice has also landed her several voice acting roles. her personality offstage has solidified a lot more since her younger years, although she doesn't go out of her way to talk to anyone, fan or otherwise. when approached, she is polite, gentle, and humble, although she has trouble separating her image as a celebrity from that of her as a person and thus it is extremely difficult to get to know her. KENJI MINAMOTO: an eccentric and a bit airheaded olympic fencer whose strange insistence on not wearing protective gear during practice (he believes it makes him better by giving him a stronger motivation to not get hit) has earned him many a scar over the years, and has left at least half of his joints in braces at any given time. he follows his own bushido-esque moral code (the details of which he will not tell anyone), although he will not put himself above whapping the occasional really annoying person in the ankles. his épée is his best friend and he carries it most everywhere. most of the scars on his face and hands are actually from trying to put in his very sharp industrial piercings while drunk. despite his oddities, his light-footed and elegant ambidextrous fencing has been compared by many to a graceful dance, and although in many respects he comes across as dumb, on the court his mind is laser-focused and unbelievably quick and analytic. AMANE BECKE: a more lowkey type of talented than her fellow contestants, amane hasn't won any major competitions, been on tv, set any records, or anything of that sort. she does, however, run what is widely considered the best bakery in japan. based out of nagano and the daughter of a swiss pastry chef, amane has a natural talent for baking nurtured through over a decade of dedication and love for the craft. she excels at interesting flavor combinations, but her true genius is in her classic, feel-good baked goods. many say that the things she bakes just taste like home and warmth. amane is as warm and sweet as her creations, but with a spark of wit and mad-scientist-y genius that make her an entertaining joy to watch work, if a little overbearing to talk to. EISUKE ITOU: eisuke grew up sewing clothes for his younger sisters barbie dolls, and he particularly loved dressmaking. he gained exposure in his first year of highschool by handmaking gorgeous outfits for his class's booth at the school festival, and, through application to various junior fashion competitions, he was eventually noticed by a big-name designer in paris. however, he found learning french next to impossible and has spent the year prior to the game in relative isolation, unable to have any real human conversation. his psychological state was fairly severely impacted by his long hours spent sewing and designing on internship with no company to get him by, and he is now debilitatingly socially anxious and finds conversation difficult and awkward. MAYA HANABAYASHI: maya spent her early teens with only a passing interest in survival-based media, having enjoyed hunger games and similar media, but not to the point of obsession. however, when traveling on a plane with her father back from visiting family in las vegas, she found herself in a similar situation when their plane went down in a heavily forested area of california, leaving a seventeen year old maya as the only survivor. with only a swiss army knife and a lipstick-shaped stun gun gifted to her by her father to feel safer during their stay in vegas, she survived alone in the woods hatchet-style for six months until late fall, when the fallen leaves made her campfire coincidentally visible to a very observant park ranger on firewatch. after being rescued and returned home to japan, maya found it extremely difficult to readjust to normal life. her thick and warm camo jacket, more a fashion statement when she was wearing it originally, was lifesaver to her during the cold spring, and she she can't bring herself to separate from it even with multiple rips and burns in the fabric. she has refused multiple book deals due to still being heavily traumatized, but after a long period of deliberation decided to go on the show as a way of finally moving forward and acknowledging it. maya isn't exactly socially anxious, but rather closed off and disconnected. JUN TENSEI: born jun harada, many believe that his spiritual connection is the real deal, but a few critics hold that he is most likely just an incredibly talented bluffer. the real truth about him is unknown, but many say that his seances do accurately reflect the personalities of their deceased loved ones and help them feel at peace. he is deeply religious, but not to any one traditional faith (although he does use traditional christian symbols such as crucifixes and items such as holy water on occasion). he believes strongly in the power of the soul and its ability to exist beyond death. his voice is soft and almost hypnotic, and he has a penchant for gentle teasing and riddles. he comes off as pretty shady to most, but he's fairly harmless. TOMOKO KAITA: a peppy and outgoing astrology guru who can read your deepest flaws and strengths with just your date and time of birth. known worldwide for her extremely accurate personal horoscopes. despite this, she strongly believes in the ability of an individual to defy their fate through hard work and self improvement. she dislikes giving negative horoscopes, and does her best to focus on the positives that the stars hold in store. her smile brightens the whole room! she is intensely loyal to her friends, to the point of self-sacrificing emotional labor. YUU IROIKE: yuu iroike isn't even his real name, and it's a mystery as to how show staff even tracked down his mailing address to get him on the show. he's a well-known public figure for painting huge, sprawling, colorful murals in tokyo, yet who he really is remains unknown. he paints faster than his murals can be scrubbed away, and has somehow never been prosecuted for vandalism because his graffiti is generally considered an improvment. he's sly, mysterious, and teasing in person, and gets a bit of an itchy trigger finger when he hasn't painted in a while. His skill with spray paint is so great that it seems as if the paint bends to his very will.