#and guillermo would leave
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we dont talk enough abt how Nandor actually wanted Guillermo to be a vampire the whole time 😔
#wwdits#what we do in the shadows#nandermo#guillermo de la cruz#nandor the relentless#how every time guillermo asked abt it nandor skirted it with a grimace b/c what is he supposed to say?#if he confronts the issue it may break the tentative connection he and guillermo have#and guillermo would leave#kinda great that the show keeps the actor's motivation intact even with the revelation that nandor always loved and wanted guillermo turned#but guillermo not being 'ready'#because it still means he's afraid of guillermo leaving if they ever have to confront that guillermo isn't like them in that way#that they might actually be too different to stay friends
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im just imagining nandermo in a very enclosed space like for some reason they gotta be chest to chest pushed up against a wall and its awkward for a moment but then nandors eyes are just boring into guillermos and guillermo has that uncertain but unwavering stare too, and is this what is gonna take for them to kiss?
#at this point im just running all scenarios in my mind and spilling all my thoughts about them into the ether#i swear i am not fine#they kiss nandor blurts out i love you please dont ever leave me please dont die#and they share their feelings while kissing and bang against that very wall while telling the other how much they mean to them#nandor expecially is a flood of YOURE SO AMAZING GUILLERMO I LOVE YOU PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE#im going INSANE over them hahahaha#guillermo is too stunned and enjoying the physical sensation to be so close to nandor and to see nandor be so vulnerable#nandermo#wwdits#what we do in the shadows#atp im just saying whatever insane shit is passing through my head at any given moment. but thats what tumblr is for basically you will#forgive me about it. i just am a very physical person and i think a physical moment is always very good to unfuck a totally fucked dynamic#like talking of course would be preferrable but these two have so much shit under the bridge#that theyre sort of stuck in this ‘the love is requited they are just idiots’ cycle#annnnyway#bye#some messy liveblog tag#comment#*
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Okay, okay, okay. Series ending prediction. NOT what I want - prediction.
Nandor and the Guide do get together in like episode 9, and highjinks ensue related to that. Maybe end of episode 9, maybe mid-way through episode 10 the Guide breaks it off because it was not working. Nandor is 'heartbroken' in that way he is at least once a series.
Meanwhile, Guillermo has been thinking about moving out of the house for some reason, probably something to do with work. Maybe they're relocating or some shit idk. Maybe he wants to have friends over from work.
Anyway, series conclusion for these two. Guillermo decides not to move out or even if he does he decides to stay in touch with Nandor. This probably coincides with the office he works at exploding or some shit - you know Jordan isn't getting out of this series alive c'mon. He helps comfort Nandor over the thing with the Guide. The two walk into the sunset together, their relationship ambiguous, except the sunset is metaphorical because it's nighttime.
#what we do in the shadows#wwdits#posts what I done#alternatives include: Guillermo nearly being sent to jail for all the shady shit Jordan will make him do#Guillermo deciding to leave the vampires behind and start a new life in an ending I would HATE#also Laszlo and Nadja will have some shit going on#seeing as Nadja hasn't really had a good storyline since series 3 I can't imagine much will happen there#(justice for my queen)#Laszlo might have something about Sean idk I don't feel like I have enough to speculate on#also Colin is there
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AAUYGHHHH WWDITS YOU ARE KILLING ME RAHHHHH i feel so insane every episode makes me want to cry. the cliffhangers. the parallelssss. guillermo with a new boss and life. but hes still not fully content. the swap of power dynamics. guillermo not needing nador anymore. nandors absolute anguish at losing his closest and most beloved person. and his former self. him feeling betrayed by guillermo again. theyre drifting farther apart and the tension is building. i cant handle ittt my brain isnt cohesive enough to form coherent thoughts rn but AAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#please i need to know what happens next i cant wait another weekkkk#i will not survive if guillermo and nandor leave eachother#ill write yall into my will#they better figure it out#or fuck nasty that would fix them i think#also this isnt really anything i just needed to be insane for a sec#wwdits
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I sort of hope that for exit interview Guillermo's leaving isn't intentional but rather he's been kidnapped, perhaps by a group of vampire slayers using him as bait to lure the others, or by the council who are going to kill him because he shouldn't exist. I hope that the interview part is him believing this is the end, and I hope the vampires come and rescue him as a reversal of the end of season 2.
#wwdits#wwdits spoilers#wwdits exit interview#guillermo de la cruz#i feel like it would be a nice change from memo always leaving by choice#because like#that's been done already#also a nandermo confession in there would be nice#maybe the reveal already happens and nandor is avoidant of him until he goes missing and then nandor goes crazy mode#but I'm getting ahead of myself now
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Coming Out
Emily Prentiss x fem!reader Warnings: some explicit language, mention of an unsub hurting Emily 😱, vague insinuations of homophobia, mostly fluff on fluff, feat. loyal himbo Derek Morgan Word Count: 2k
Summary: Emily gets injured on the job, and all she really wants is you, her girlfriend. But she's not out to the rest of the team yet. Can she be vulnerable enough to share that part of herself with the team? Can she be vulnerable enough to let you take care of her? Takes place at the end of S3.E2.
Emily dabbed at her head and winced, checking her watch to see if it had been long enough to take more pain medication. But despite getting clocked with a plank of wood, she was glad to be on the jet, glad to be back with her team because they really were starting to feel like her team. Who was she kidding? She loved her job.
According to the pilot, the team would be landing at Quantico in a little over an hour. Emily grabbed her phone, discreetly shoving it into her pocket, before heading to the back of the plane. She needed to call you, but the rest of the team didn't know about you yet. Hell, the rest of the team didn't even know she was gay. It felt too personal, and she'd been hurt by people's reactions–people she loved and trusted deeply–too many times. She played her relationships and her sexuality close to the vest.
Reid tapped Emily's arm as she passed by.
"Oh! Are you going all the way to the back?"
Emily tensed. "Yep."
"Could you bring me a Sprite?"
She felt her shoulders relax, and she patted Reid on the arm. "Sure."
After knocking on the bathroom door to make sure that truly no one was around, she called you, her voice hushed as she rifled through tiny airplane soda cans, looking for Reid's Sprite.
"Hey, Em," you said, your voice bright.
"Hey," she said, a goofy smile spreading across her face. "What are you up to?"
"Nothing much. Saw a street rat earlier. I named him Guillermo. I think he's on the prowl for a girlfriend."
Emily laughed, covering her mouth.
"How was Milwaukee?" you asked.
"Good. Really good. We got the guy. We're on the plane now."
She could nearly hear how smug you were through the phone.
"You're glad you went back," you snickered, relishing in being right. She'd sworn that it wasn't a big deal, that it'd be easy to get another good job, but you knew her heart was with the BAU.
Emily sighed. "I am. You were right."
"You're gonna stay?"
"Looks that way."
"I knew it!" you crowed. "I'm glad. You're too good at your job to quit it."
"Thanks, love. Listen, Y/N, can I ask you a favor?"
"Of course! Anything."
Emily winced, touching the swollen bump on her head. "We land in about an hour. Can you pick me up and stay at my place tonight?"
"Wow." You drew out the vowel, milking the fact that Emily needed you for once. "You missed me that much, huh?"
"Well, yes, of course, but... I, uh... I kind of have a concussion?"
Your tone shifted immediately from smug to concerned. "What?! Why?! What happened!?"
"Unsub hit me with a plank of wood," she admitted reluctantly.
"Jesus Christ, Em! Are you okay!?"
"I'm fine, baby, I promise," she reassured you. "I just got a little banged up, that's all. But I'll need you to wake me up every few hours and make sure I'm cognizant."
"I think I have some soup in the freezer," you observed, your voice far away. You'd put her on speakerphone to rifle through the cabinets. "And I have a thermometer. I don't know, do concussions cause fevers? I've never had one."
Emily shook her head, smiling. She loved that your first response, always, was to take care of her. Emily was not used to being taken care of, and she didn't let many people do it. She certainly wouldn't let many people see it either. But she let you.
"No thermometers needed. Just you and your car and more you when we get home."
"You got it. When did you say you land?"
"In about an hour."
"Okay. I'll leave in a few."
"Oh," Emily added quickly. "And you're cleared to drive into Quantico. They know the car you drive and they've got your ID on file. Just show it to them at the gate."
You paused. "Well, that's a little Big Brother of them."
"I gave it to them a few months ago. Just in case you ever needed to come by. Sorry, I should've told you."
"It's okay," you decided, pulling on a jacket and a beanie. "It feels kind of badass to be on Quantico's list."
Emily laughed, almost excited to have a concussion because it meant you'd be snuggled right up to next to her for however long it took to get better. 48 hours at least.
"Alright, baby," she finished, Reid's Sprite in hand. "I'll see you in a bit."
"Bye, love."
Emily wiped the grin off her face before returning to the cabin with Reid's Sprite–it'd look suspicious if she was too happy coming back.
An hour later, the team was going their separate ways in the parking lot, waving goodbyes and slamming car doors under the buzzing lights.
Emily leaned on the wall outside the building entrance, relishing the crisp night air.
"You need a ride, Prentiss?" Morgan asked as he walked out, used go-bag slung over his shoulder. "You shouldn't be driving" He pointed to her head.
"No, that's okay," Emily waved him off. "I've got– uh... someone's... picking me up."
Fuck, she thought. The concussion was not helping her ability to lie well.
Morgan stared at her suspiciously.
"What?" Emily laughed, trying to act normal.
"Why are you acting shifty?"
"I'm not!" she protested.
Morgan smirked and waggled his eyebrows. "Do you have a secret boyfriend?"
"What?" Emily said, laughing a little too forcefully. "No!"
He crossed his arms and waited. "You're seriously not gonna tell me?"
Emily leaned against the brick wall, rubbing her forehead. On the one hand, she was tired of keeping you–and herself–a secret. And if anyone was going to be supportive of someone on the team getting laid, it would be Morgan. But on the other, did she really know that much about him? She didn't know his religious background. Sure, he'd defend a gay victim, but that was his job. This was personal.
Emily sighed before replying. "I have... I have a secret girlfriend."
The silence felt like it lasted hours, stretching between them until Emily was sure the chasm would never close again, and that with just a few words, just by being herself, she'd ruined any chance of a friendship with Derek Morgan. It wouldn't be the first time. It probably wouldn't be the last.
Morgan seemed to think deeply before leaning against the wall next to Emily, turning to look her in the eye.
"Prentiss, why didn't you tell us you were gay?"
Emily was afraid to look at him, but when she did, her heart soared. He looked at her with nothing but love and respect and appreciation, no hint of hatred or disgust. If anything, he looked sad that she'd waited so long to tell him.
"I don't know," she shrugged. "I don't always get a good reaction."
"Well, you know nobody on this team would have a problem with that, right? Hell, Garcia'd probably hang pride flags everywhere."
"I know," Emily nodded. "I just... I don't think I'm ready yet. For everyone to know. Soon, though."
Morgan nodded, then thought for a few minutes before asking, "Is it serious?"
Emily chuckled. "Being gay? Yeah, I'd say so."
Morgan shoved her shoulder gently, mindful of the day's injuries. "No! The girl! How long have you been seeing her?"
"A little over six months."
"So, it's serious."
Emily grinned. She was glad to have someone to talk to about this. She'd held it so close for so long. She wasn't used to having anyone to tell about you. Maybe Morgan could be that person.
"Promise not to tell the others?"
Morgan put his hand over his heart. "Promise."
"I'd marry her tomorrow if she'd let me."
"Wow." Morgan raised his eyebrows, smiling lightly. "Prentiss is in love," he said, teasing her.
Emily fought a wide smile, but lost in the end. "Oh, shut up. And don't tell anyone. Especially her."
"Your secret's safe with me," Morgan reassured her. And she could tell he meant it. Emily trusted him, she realized. She trusted him to be a good friend, to keep her secrets. She trusted him not to out her to the rest of the team. He'd let her go at her own pace when it came to telling the others.
"She better be amazing," Morgan added. "I don't know how anyone could be good enough for you."
Just at that moment, a pair of headlights crept slowly into the parking lot, hesitant and unsure. It had to be you. Emily stepped forward and waved a bit, then turned to Morgan.
"Well, I'll see you tomorrow?" she said.
"Not with that head, you won't," Morgan observed.
You put the car in park next to the curb and leapt out of the driver's seat, hurrying over to Emily.
"Oh my god!" you exclaimed, anger and concern washing over you. "I thought you you said you were fine!"
You gingerly touched Emily's face and pulled her head down to examine the butterfly bandage above her eyebrow.
"Look at this," you grumbled, more to yourself than anyone else. "It's already bruising." You glared at the butterfly bandage. "Did a doctor do this or you? If it was you, I think we should clean it with rubbing alcohol at home."
Morgan looked absolutely delighted, both because you seemed like a delightful person and because Emily was beet red at being observed with you.
"Y/N, I'm fine," Emily said firmly, grasping your fingers in hers and removing them from her face. "This is my colleague Derek Morgan. Morgan, my girlfriend, Y/N."
You looked Morgan over and immediately decided you liked him. Mostly because you could tell that he really cared about Emily. But also because he looked mischievous, like he'd tease her. And if there was anything you loved, it was teasing Emily. You shook his hand enthusiastically. "It's really nice to meet you," you said. And you meant it.
But you didn't have time to chat with Morgan tonight. You were too worried about Emily.
"You don't look fine," you argued, looking to Morgan for backup. "Does she look fine to you?"
Morgan grinned at Emily, raising his eyebrows. "She definitely looks like she could use some TLC."
"Oh, and she'll get it alright," you assured him, opening the passenger door for Emily. "Shall we?"
Emily bent gingerly to get into the car, and you were careful to guard her head from the ceiling.
"Derek, it was really nice to meet you," you said, shaking his hand one more time for good measure as Emily rolled down the window, staring bullets at Morgan.
"You too, Y/N," he said, looking over your shoulder at Emily. "I hope you all have a very marry evening."
Emily pointed at him aggressively behind your back, mouthing, "SHUT. UP."
"See you, Prentiss," he called as you pulled away. He laughed and called out, "I hope it's a real honeymoon from work!"
Emily's hand shot out the window, flipping him off.
Later that night, your alarm buzzed and you blinked awake. You forgot for a moment that you were at Emily's, but her strong arms wrapped protectively around your waist were enough to remind you where you were.
You turned slowly to face a sleeping Emily, brushing her hair out of her face.
"Em. Hey. You gotta wake up, honey."
She groaned, placing a hand on her head.
"Sorry," you grimaced. "Gotta make sure your brain's alright."
"My brain is fine," she growled.
"Oh, yeah?" you joked, checking the time before shaking a few pills into your hand from the pill bottle on the nightstand. "Who am I, then?"
"The love of my life, Whitney Houston."
You laughed, which made Emily laugh, too. But she quickly doubled over in pain, groaning.
"Here, take these," you said gently, handing her the pills and a glass of water. "It'll help."
She took the pills obediently and lay back down.
"You know," you said, pulling up the blankets to make sure they covered Emily's shoulders. "I may not be Whitney Houston..." You wrapped your arms around her and drew her to you, and she burrowed her head into the space between your neck and your collarbone.
"But I think I'm a close second," you finished, running your fingers rhythmically through Emily's hair.
She sighed contentedly, pressing into you, then moving one of your arms to wrap it more tightly around her.
"Why are you so good to me?" she asked, quiet. You couldn't quite tell if it was a joke or serious, but you'd reply the same either way.
"Because I love you, you nerd."
She leaned up, planting a kiss underneath your chin. "I love you, too."
Within minutes she was conked out again, and you were setting another alarm, ready to do it all over again in a few hours.
#emily prentiss#emily prentiss x reader#criminal minds#bau#emily prentiss fanfiction#emily prentiss fluff#emily prentiss drabble
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The day Guillermo slaughtered a theatre of vampires, Nandor looked up and actually saw him. 'My name is Guillermo de la Cruz' burned like a silver knife in his brain. And that's the day Nandor started rooting for him.
Making him a bodyguard, insistent that's what he was. Watching him so carefully. 'Push back. Break the rules. Talk about yourself. I can't do it for you. If I do it for you then you've already lost.' Guillermo slapped him and his eyes lit up. Guillermo fought him, and he only wanted more. Guillermo said 'I can kill you whenever I want, I choose not to,' and it's what he was waiting for.
Nandor stands at the train station, feeling awake for the first time in months as he considers all the variables. The normal bite won't be enough, not for a Van Helsing. He'll have to drink someone right away, just to be sure. Will it feel the same for him, to hunt a human the way Nandor's watched him hunt a vampire? Maybe if they do it together. Maybe there's a lot that Guillermo can do very easily, if they do it together. Maybe there's a lot Nandor can do, very easily, if-
(...he's not coming. Well, familiars have balked at less.)
--
It's such a genuine surprise when he reappears. Why everything happened doesn't matter, exactly; Guillermo doesn't fight to get any of it back. He's so angry, so ready to leave, and by all rights Nandor should let him. But all he can feel is the instinct to stop him. Perhaps if he has actual love in this house, something to fill the void... Maybe there's one more thing Guillermo can do for him before his exit.
It's a strange year. Guillermo is not in his service, so much as he's a friend charged with service. His mind is so pulled in different directions - raising the Colin-creature, helping at the club, buying his gaudy new clothes that aren't vampire-like at all. Talking on the phone, sometimes in the other language he speaks, sometimes in secret whispers Nandor doesn't try to figure out.
If Guillermo doesn't want him to know, then he doesn't. He can't begrudge him a life outside this house anymore. It's like Guillermo has remembered how to be human.
Maybe he has. Nandor takes him to fight, wants to see that fire in his eyes again, but Guillermo only wants peace. They never talk about him becoming a vampire. Guillermo doesn't ask once. At the wedding, Guillermo promises to always be there when Nandor is afraid. Nandor wonders what 'always' means to him.
When he meets Freddie, things click into place a bit. Nandor is happy for him, truly. Suspicious, of course - this is a stranger in their home, one who clearly doesn't know their secrets. But such a kind and engaging stranger. And intriguing, like a little secret corner of Guillermo Nandor has never been able to reach. Nandor has been so lonely lately, he keeps getting everything he wants and yet he's lonelier than ever -
Nandor fucks up. Nandor fixes. Or does his best, anyway.
Guillermo goes to London one day, comes home with a look in his eyes like something broken. They don't talk about it.
Guillermo is back to dusting. He sits beside Nandor and smiles, placid and friendly. 'So, what's next?' But he doesn't ask. And Nandor can't ask it for him. That's not how this works.
--
And suddenly, Guillermo is a million miles away. Suddenly, Guillermo would rather be anywhere than with Nandor.
He talks about being a vampire for the first time in a year, but there's a strangeness to it. A wariness. When they laugh at the idea, he doesn't push back. There's no fire.
Something is wrong, honestly wrong, but Nandor can't bring himself to think about it seriously. Guillermo still runs from even the thought of their orgies. (So it can't be what he's thinking of, can it?) Their first big crisis as a household in a while, their bodyguard is nowhere to be found. (Is he a bodyguard anymore? A familiar? A lot more like Laszlo's familiar, these days...)
'I'm not going to be around forever.' Well, fine. He can survive that. He's survived far worse, and so has Guillermo.
And Guillermo is not just here right now, but is alive right now - wonderfully, blessedly alive - and Nandor won't be forced to think about his death for a while yet.
The one thing he knows for sure is that Guillermo would never do anything to hurt him, to hurt any of them. And maybe that's why it never worked out. You have to do so much more than survive, to be a vampire.
-- When everything that happened becomes clear, when his rage fades to anger fades to acceptance, there's still responsibility. Responsibility to his familiar, responsibility to his friend.
And when Guillermo's heart is too full, and spills over whatever bloodlust he had, Nandor wishes he were surprised. Guillermo has iron in him but it's been forged into a shield, after all this time. There are no little leftover bits Nandor might have helped him shape into a pair of fangs.
Guillermo can feed a family, or defend one, or defend himself. But he won't kill unless he has to, and his own survival - or his own happiness - is not a 'has to'. Fine. Guillermo has fought for him. Nandor can fight, too.
His own anger still needs a more constructive place to go. So he looks at Guillermo's wretched sire - who never even wanted to be a vampire, and then made a vampire so thoughtlessly. Who hasn't come to see Guillermo, who couldn't figure out how to help him, who doesn't even know that he's in pain.
Nandor drives a stake into the heart of a vampire. And it feels good.
Maybe now, he can also be angry at himself a little less.
#i can't believe nandor's choices about guillermo were deliberate while *also* never intending to help him or give him what he wanted#but i love the idea of nandor actually seeing guillermo all this time#never *completely* and not always in the way guillermo needed#but still always watching him out of responsibility out of love#fandom: wwdits#otp: nandermo#what we do in the shadows#wwdits#nandermo#i am a meta gremlin
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Yo ya no les creo nada
I HAVEN'T FINISHED WATCHING THE SEASON- but I wanted to practice sort of s disney style trying to keep the features as practice? didn't work out that much (specially Guillermo- sorry buddie. Better luck next time) I FEEL LIKE I DRAW NANDOR PRETTIER AAHAHA- LIKE instead of masculine as he is, I make him like a disney princess or something L (maybe I'm the only one who sees that) ANYWAY-
SPOILERS AHEAD
arghhh I have no faith in the ship anymore but we'll see. I hate/love the little crumbs they leave cause I'm completely lost as in to what I should believe. I think there are some good signs (Like Nandor mourning Guillermo's absene (although Guillermo literally leaving some steps away from their house), other members of the house (Nadja) acknowledging Guillermo is a soft spot for Nandor, Nandor respecting Guillermo's boundaries. BIG ONE TO ME WAS- how they could have f+cked everything up on the third episode and forced Guillermo into going just they way he was before.THIS REALLY TOOK ME BY SURPRISE. IT WOULDN'T HAVE BOTHERED ME- I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT IT WAS HILARIOUS but definitely would have ruined their relationship big time when Guillermo finally remembered everything in the future. For Nandor a character who is very... egotiscial? Having a person who is somewhat (actually) meaninful to him (even if he has never brought himself to admit it with confidence) a person who has lost respect for him- to actually like him back again- to admire him and compliment him just like the first time they met. I bet the first time they met he couldn't careless for Guillermo's little sad back story and his high regard for vampires and his compliments. I bet he would have shut him off as soon as possible. But now Guillermo is a person he esteems and has grown somewhat interested in him and his well-being. I bet he craves now to be part of his world. But now he esteems him enough to also be respectful (somewha,,,,) to his boundries. And for Nandor- I feel like that's such a big step x'000 (Anyways I'm in the 4th episode so I might be wrong aaaa but these where my thoughts) Besides- what I love about wwdits it's their dumb plot-twist and how they barely take anything too seriously so we'll see.
I have no hope for them anymore. I guess I wouldn't hate it if they ended up as friends or even if their paths got separated. Enough things have happened- maybe they were never meant to be (AAARGHHH oh well)
#wwdits#wwdits guillermo#wwdits nandor#nandor wwdits#what we do in the shadows#wwdits s6#nandor x guillermo#nandor the relentless#nandermo#guillermo de la cruz
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highly unlikely, given the fact that it's not intended as a comedy, that there'll ever be any iwtv crossover episodes even though there definitely should be because I love crossover episodes especially when it's only referenced in one episode and then never again
But I would give my left arm for Daniel to ask Lestat, during the interview, where he was and what he was doing between his attempted murder and the trial and his answer to be a nonchalant "Hm? Oh, I was just visiting some friends in Staten Island, we've known each other for over a century now. I've invited them to the next show on the tour actually, they should be arriving soon," and then the doorbell rings and it's Guillermo struggling to carry a comically large amount of suitcases with Nadja, Laszlo, and Nandor standing behind him.
The rest of the episode is just Daniel trying to keep the interview on track and slowly losing his mind when it keeps getting derailed, and then they leave at the end and it's just never talked about again.
I would like to see it.
#yes i know it wont happen but i can dream okay#because you look me in the eyes right now and try to tell me that nadja and lestat wouldn't be besties#you can't#because they would#btw if there's fics like this please send me the links#interview with the vampire#amc interview with the vampire#what we do in the shadows#wwdits#lestat de lioncourt#lestat iwtv#guillermo de la cruz#nadja of antipaxos#laszlo cravensworth#nandor the relentless
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We need to talk about queer representation in What We Do In The Shadows
I'm just going to say it: for a show that claims to have great queer representation I sure haven't seen a gay couple in five seasons.
(The closest they've come is with Freddy and we all saw how that turned out)
Okay, I've been thinking about this for a while and I honestly don't love the discourse but fuck it. We need to talk about queer love and queer representation on wwdits and how it's not great.
Let me begin by saying that I love this show, I do, it's my favorite and I adore it and I am not going to stop watching it. But the internet holding it it as the be all, end all of queer representation needs to stop. We need to take off our heartshapped glasses for a second and think critically.
Now I'm not saying it's homophobic because it's clearly not, but a beacon of queer representation and love it is not.
Yes, it has its moments and when they come they are incredible (Guillermo's coming out episode my beloved). But if we stop and think about it for a second it becomes clear that same sex love in the show it's not treated with the same respect that straight love gets. And it's time to aknowledge that as a fandom.
It's 2023 and we don't need to be living off scraps or jokes made at our expense anymore. The times of Supernatural or Sherlock are done. But in wwdits we are, a lot of the time, the butt of the joke and not always in a good way. I'm begging you to think for a second about why the jokes are supposed to be funny, think of Laszlo and Nandor, or Laszlo and the Baron, or Nandor's guy wives... the joke IS that it's gay, there's nothing else.
And you know what? That could be FINE or it would be if they commited and treated gay love with a little bit of respect but they don't, not really. Show me queer love, stop just talking about it and SHOW it.
Or at the very least when you do show some semblance of it (looking at the season five finale, season three finale and a lot of other moments) don't immediately undermine it with articles about the power of friendship, it's the least you can do. We are just asking to be more than a joke.
It's like a reverse of what happened in Supernatural where after so many homophobic jokes it just turned kind of gay, it feels like after so many gay jokes with zero commitment behind them wwdits is starting to feel kind of hurtful.
I'm not saying they should have Nandor and Guillermo get together (though they should), I'm saying that after five seasons we should at the very least have seen a couple of the same sex treated with the same respect and love they've shown Laszlo and Nadja, Sean and Charmaine, or hell even Colin and Evie.
All I'm asking is for the show to make us more than just a joke or they're just going to end up circlying around and not looking great, and after five seasons it's starting to happen and I'm worried it's going to leave me with a bitter taste in my mouth by the end.
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it’s a small thing, but while I was working on the Transmogrification Explained Part 2 I caught something that I thought was interesting enough to share.
At this point (see below) at the end of the finale, after the ceremony, all the housemates go into the fancy room and Nandor says something about playing Parcheesi right before he takes a brief moment to comfort Guillermo the tiniest bit.
Right afterwards however, instead of doing as he said he would and follow everyone else into the fancy room, he heads right, down the hallway, most likely going straight to his room.
All the nonchalance and dismissal and ‘hey, let's pretend everything is fine and back to normal now!’ talk is a feint. Nandor doesn’t go into the fancy room to take comfort with the group and deny that anything important happened, and since he told Guillermo to clean up Derek before sunrise (something I thought was odd at the time because why would it matter if Guillermo left it until sunrise when everyone would be asleep anyways), he knows Guillermo won’t follow him.
Nandor is choosing to be alone after all this. It’s a very neat little character bit that is easily overlooked within the noise of the episode. While the tone at the end of the ceremony looks like everyone is moving back to square one and blatantly ignoring the seriousness of the situation to do something as banal as a board game, the actual actions of the characters show that there really is devastation amongst them. Guillermo’s obvious, but Nandor’s is hidden with a line that distracts us from noticing that he actually retreats from everyone and hides away.
It really makes me wonder what Nandor did after everything. Used the time to get himself ready for bed so Guillermo couldn’t wouldn’t have to do it when he got back? Sulked? Had a tantrum? Went into his treasure room to read Guillermo’s thank you card again and again?
oh and another little thing: Guillermo and Nandor are the only ones who still have their robes on after the ceremony, and actually end the scene still in them. All the other characters almost immediately took them off after the lights went on.
having them the only two that still wear the robes feels so significant to me. like they’re still in this ritual between them. Or, if the bondage rope part of it comes into play, they are still tied to each other. There’s definitely something to be read here, with both Nandor keeping the rope-cape on and pretending like he was going to follow the others but going to his room instead. Whatever it is, one thing’s for certain to me: Nandor is Not Okay after the ceremony.
#wwdits#what we do in the shadows#guillermo de la cruz#nandermo#nandor the relentless#what i love abt wwdits is that they totally hide all these little things because any outward seriousness is against it’s brand#but having nandor cross right off screen and directly opposite direction that guillermo is sitting at??#but leaving them both tied in RED STRING#translation: they’re tied stronger together despite moving even farther apart#i totally want to know everyone else’s theories on this tho!! i find it so fascinating#also the addition to laszlo then coming in after?#like laszlo went into the fancy room with everyone else#did he notice that nandor never actually followed after he said he would?#did he see guillermo there and knew why?#so many thoughts that i am having rn#my meta#wwdits meta
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the man with the hex // liam lawson
summary: he stayed to hand out candy but actually just wanted to make out. unfortunately, hungry kids won’t wait to ring the doorbell.
pairing: liam lawson x female! reader
warnings: allusions to sex, liam is a horny teenager, very suggestive but no smut, reader gets baby fever real fast and liam has a dirty mouth. I am incapable of writing anything wholesome about this man, apparently.
"jesus fuck!"
"y/n y/m/n y/l/n, watch your language!" her mother shouted from the kitchen
next to her on the couch, liam snickered, pulling her closer. guillermo del toro's 'cabinet of curiosities' was playing on the screen, and y/n had been jumpy throughout the whole episode.
y/n was a gentle soul. she preferred cozy mysteries, and humorous action thrillers as opposed to straight up horror. sure, the pillars of the slasher genre were wonderful films (she's first in line to see any new 'scream' movie), but she did not do well when she was genuinely scared.
"sorry, mom!" she shouted, resting her head against liam's shoulder. "liam has bad taste in movies."
"it's one episode!" the kiwi laughed. "i'm sorry, you can pick the next movie."
y/n rolled her eyes, getting up from the couch to hug her parents goodbye. she and liam had agreed to stay in that night, allowing her parents to go to an annual charity event thrown by one of her fathers friends. her sister was at a party, and as someone who had a quiet, peaceful life and wasn’t always invited to things, y/n was extended a chance to stay at home.
of course, learning that they would have the house to themselves, liam was all too quick to tag along, for less than wholesome reasons. while y/n had planned a couple's movie night, complete with matching hotel transylvania costumes and a stack of scooby doo movies, wheras liam had planned to get her to scream in more ways than one.
y/n got up from the couch, her nylon-clad feet skidding across the hardwood as she went to hug her parents. "bye guys, i'll see you in the morning."
"have a great time, mr. and mrs. (your last intital)!" liam shouted
"no funny business with my daughter, lawson. and no drinking." her father scolded, pointing his finger towards his daughter's boyfriend.
"dad! we're adults, i think we can handle ourselves." she laughed, giving her father a hug before her parents went out the front door.
she closed the door behind them, leaving it unlocked and the jack-o-lantern on the front porch turned on before backtracking to the kitchen and refilling the candy dish she and liam had been snacking from.
"you'll have to keep an ear out for the front door, but other than that, do you want to put beetlejuice on when this is over?" she suggested, bringing the candy bowl back over to the couch and curling into her boyfriend.
"i dunno, your parents are gone, i kind of hand something else on my mind." liam grinned, one hand trailing up her thigh.
"oh yeah?" she purred, maneuvering herself into liam's lap, poking his nose before kissing him softly, her blue lipstick smearing against his skin.
liam cupped her face with his free hand, his other arm going around her waist to pull her closer. she hummed contentedly as she nestled her body into his, taking his top lip in between her own.
“your lipstick tastes good.” liam remarked, lips ringed in the dark blue cosmetic. “like blue raspberry.”
“you’re such a dork.” she giggled, brushing an errant blonde hair out of his face before kissing her lover again.
liam moaned into it, feeling himself grow harder every time that her thigh brushed over his crotch. she was driving him wild, the end of cabinets of curiosities forgotten as they made out like teenagers.
the doorbell rang, startling them both as they jolted on the couch. y/n pulled away from liam, wiping the smudged gloss from her swollen lips before getting off the couch and reaching for the bowl of cadbury chocolates across from her.
“trick or treat!”
there were three kids standing in the doorstep, each dressed as a different superhero as they held pillowcases out in front of them as she dropped handfuls of pocket sized chocolates into the bags.
“you kids have a great night.” she chirped, waving not just to the kids, but to the parents waiting on the sidewalk before slipping back into the house.
she left the plastic candy dish on the front bench, a grin on her face as she went back to the living room. liam hadn’t mailed from the couch, one hand over his eyes and the other clutching a throw pillow over his crotch.
“seriously, liam?” she laughed, reaching for the tv remote. “come on, we have to be aware of our surroundings. little kids are going to be knocking on the door all night.”
liam groaned. “sounds like hell to me, babe.”
she shook her head, grinning as she used the remote to navigate over to the amazon icon to rent ‘beetlejuice.” she was just about to hit rent when she felt a pair of arms wrap around her waist.
“liam!” she shouted, giggling as he nuzzled his cold nose into the tender flesh of her neck. “you know you’re just gonna get interrupted again, right?”
“don’t care.” he hummed, pressing kisses up and down her throat. “babe, we finally have the house to ourselves and I am so fucking horny for you right now.”
she giggled, extracting herself from liam’s hold to teasingly bend down near the coffee table, placing the realtor back on the glass top. at the sight of her skirt riding up over her orange and black nylon tights, the lacy hem of her panties visible through the nylon as she bent over, the kiwi could hardly contain himself.
especially when there was another ring of the doorbell.
this time, liam offered to get the door, almost dropping the candy bowl as he tried to get the door open, shaking hands unable to grasp the doorknob as be tried to get his breathing under control.
“woah, are you liam lawson?” one of the kids shouted, his voice echoing through the street. “I watched you on tv last week!”
despite himself, liam laughed. “right on, kiddo!” he held his fist out for a fist bump, kneeling to the kids level. “hang on just a second and I’ll get my girlfriend out here to take a picture of the two of us, yeah?”
“you seem cheerful for a man that didn’t want to hand out candy.” y/n chuckled from the doorway. “come on then, pass me his iPod touch or whatever and I’ll get the best fan pics he’s ever seen.”
the kids eyes lit up as liam moved to crouch next to him, matching his height almost exactly as y/n snapped a few pictures.
“your girlfriend is really pretty.” the kid said, giddy as he took his iPod back. “are you guys going to get married?”
liam laughed heartily, tactfully avoiding the question as he asked the kid what his favourite part of the race in qatar had been, dropping a handful of cadbury chocolates into the mummy shaped bucket.
once the kid was gone and the door was closed, he wasted no time in pulling y/n close and sliding his hands up her dress.
“someone’s eager. if anyone should be exited after watching you interact with kids, it should be me.” she giggled, kissing his cheek.
her lipstick was dry now, and liam found himself slightly disappointed that it didn’t leave a mark.
liam raised an eyebrow. “oh, yeah? so in addition to making you scream my name tonight, should I fill you up with my cum? start practicing for when it’s time to get you pregnant?”
she nodded eagerly, wishing for nothing more than liam pressing her up against the foyer wall and taking what he wanted. what they both wanted.
“fuck.” liam breathed, his breath warm on her skin. “you’re really hot when you have baby fever, you know that? and that kid wasn’t even a baby, he was like five.”
“shut up and kiss me, lawson.”
but just as liam leaned in, the fucking doorbell rang.
he cursed, throwing his head back in a groan as y/n gave him a sympathetic smile. she picked up the candy bucket, dutifully opening the front door and greeting the horde of kids who had chased each other up the driveway and around liams bmw.
while her back was turned, distracted by handing out candy, liam reached his breaking point, scrambling to find a piece of paper and a pen.
please take one handful each, and ring the doorbell if bowl is empty. we are home but enjoying a scary movie night and my girlfriend is jumpy :)
when y/n turned away, closing the door behind her, liam was quick to grab the bowl, whisking it away to the kitchen and ignoring his girlfriends confused look as he practically overfilled the bowl, taking on the sign and leaving it on the cast iron bench outside the house.
“now, where were we?” he grinned, pulling her in for a kiss. she broke out into a smile, knowing exactly why liam had done what he did. “that bowl is almost full, it will keep the kids occupied for a very long time.”
“what if someone takes the whole bowl? what then?” she giggled, playfully teasing her lover, hands gently rubbing at his shoulder blades.
“then I’ll buy your mom a new one.” he decided, paying the matter very little attention as he swept his girlfriend off her feet, carrying her bridal style towards the stairs. “now, my fair maiden, you bedroom awaits.”
TAGS
@magnummagnussen @libraryofloveletters @sidcrosbyspuck @httpiastri @clemswrld @love4lando @scuderiamh @lorarri @cartierre @silverstonesainz @arshiyuh @twinkodium
#the cozy collection 2023#liam lawson#liam lawson x reader#formula one x reader#f2 x reader#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#f1 x you#liam lawson x you#liam lawson x y/n#liam lawson imagine#liam lawson pov#Spotify
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something i think of often with nandor and guillermo that i find interesting, is that nandor's hesitance to touching guillermo actually shows that he cares for him way more than he's letting on. we know based on the background actions of the show that nandor has had sex with many humans, and also vampires, including laszlo and nadja. yet when he goes about touching even guillermo's hand, he hesitates (s1 he won't even touch it on the coffin, in s4 when he pretends to be collin robinson's parents in the private school, he won't even fully hold guillermo's hand -- just his finger). he's always afraid of showing affection to him in particular, which is odd -- as he never has an issue with saying that he misses laszlo in season 4, or giving nadja a piece of his mind, but specifically guillermo seems to trip him up. he can't say the words he wants to, and always fumbles ("thank you guillermo, you are my best... man"). his actions with protecting guillermo at every turn say that he cares for him a great deal, and remembers things that he has said and done for nandor, but his ability to express it in a meaningful way is difficult for him except under dire circumstances (thinking he will never see him again when leaving in s3, holding him after he thinks he's dead in s5). the wedding episode revealed via marwa that he would be lost without guillermo (and wants to kiss and hug/hold him), and in s6, we are learning that this is actually quite true because nandor loses all sense of self when guillermo is no longer present. i'm sure that this can be "spun" from a writer perspective that he's just bad with affection, but i actually think that this proves more than anything that nandor's feelings for guillermo are deep and romantic -- he loves him and fears guillermo's rejection, even though he's too stupid to realize (especially in earlier seasons) that guillermo would give him the affection he wants if nandor could only ask for it. thus, the cycle repeats.... nandor is a fucked up man but to say that he does not love guillermo is just objectively not true.
#nandor the relentless#guillermo de la cruz#nandermo#i am crying and screaming and throwing up.#ship: you and me; always forever.
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WWDITS S6 - What we thought we knew vs. what we know now
I’ve been struggling to string some words together about this season thus far. I think, with the exception the episode where Laszlo was forced to relive the abuse of his father, every episode has been wonderful. But two episodes I keep rewatching — Nandor’s Army and March Madness. Because in those two episodes, much was revealed about all these characters. We’re learning that these vampires care, about each other and other things, too. But this season, Nandor has especially been laid bare. No subtext, no wordplay, no wink and a nod.
Hey, Nandor? All those feelings you hide so poorly and hate so much? Too bad, buddy, they are coming out and they are gushing all over the place, like a recklessly pierced vein. Better get a towel because it’s gonna be fucking messy.
The first big thing we’ve learned in Nandor’s Army is how devastated Nandor was about losing the janitor job. So much so that the poor guy went a little mad. For over 700 years, Nandor has survived enumerable hardships and setbacks but Guillermo rejecting him is the thing that ruins him.
Nandor only took the job at Cannon Capital to be close to Guillermo, to watch over him as he had been doing for 15 years. And that was the second thing we learned about Nandor. He perceived that he had been protecting Guillermo. “Raising him” were his exact words. And once Guillermo decided against being a vampire and separated himself from the vampire world, Nandor felt abandoned. He lost his purpose and in doing so, he lost his mind.
The confrontation between Nandor and Guillermo in the husk of the Hancock and Sons factory was the most honest they’ve ever had. Usually, it’s Guillermo who makes himself vulnerable and Nandor who pretends like he doesn’t care. That night, though, their pent up feelings came spilling out, from both sides. That night, Nandor caved but stay tuned because I don’t think that argument is done yet.
Because, then, in March Madness, the truth bombshell dropped. The foundation of and the motivation for the dumb, sometimes cruel shit Nandor has done is finally revealed.
Nandor knows he’s going to lose Guillermo. He is painfully aware of it. For most of their time together, Guillermo believed that all he wanted was to be a vampire. It was his dream from childhood, as Nandor heard umpteen times. But when it finally happened, in the fucked up manner which no one saw coming, Nandor was gutted by the betrayal. But still, he was willing to turn backflips to make sure Guillermo got what he wanted.
But once he did, once Guillermo chose to go back to being a human, Nandor’s future with Guillermo — or what he thought was their future — was gone.
Nandor was always careful about putting the affection he has for Guillermo on display. He kept that under wraps and rarely allowed himself to let it show. He ignored the tenderness he has for Guillermo and judging from solely from his behavior, it seemed like Nandor was just a big, selfish jerk.
But surprise, surprise, it turns out that Nandor is not so much a deeply delusional asshole as he is a secret soft-hearted sap in self-protect mode. Because Nandor knows Guillermo is human and Nandor knows that humans get hurt and eventually die. In 760 years as a vampire, this is what he knows. He tells Laszlo there’s nothing special about humans. They will leave so a vampire is a fool to get attached to them.
Oh, really? Well, sorry, Mr. Supreme Viceroy/Warlord, you’re too late. That train has already left the station. we know that’s bullshit because whenever Guillermo leaves him, Nandor is totally lost. Through the Djinn and Marwa, we know that Nandor doesn’t know what he would do without Guillermo.
You can run. You can run far because you have those awesome long legs but you can’t hide anymore, big guy. The truth is out. The die is cast.
Nandor. You’re a dead man.
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i would be absolutely shocked if nandermo actually did happen. i dont think it will, i dont think they will ever kiss or make a move. i think theyll leave it in limbo forever. i think the show will end with guillermo finally leaving for good. nandor will try to make him stay but it wont work, he’s already making plans to move somewhere else and packing his things and in the foyer of the house, a slight acknowledgment from them both. nandor asking quietly, “it was real, wasnt it?” and guillermo will smile and say yes. it was real. but guillermo will go and life will move on and maybe even at the very end we will meet nandors new familiar who moves into the space under the stairs and makes a comment about how shitty the space is and nandor will say yea. it’ll grow on you though.
#space.txt#what we do in the shadows#wwdits#space snips#nandermo#i also think we will get a nandermo hug at the end#but it’ll also be really really really funny if the shows last shot is the documentary crew looking over the footage and being like#‘guys i dont think vampires show up on new film…’ and so the footage will be all worthless and ROLL CREDITS#i feel like I’ve written the finale btw like i had a prophetic vision#also. i think laszlo and nadja should adopt a baby.#THERE. I SAID IT.#but yea id love to be made into a stupid clown#but nandermo kiss? what are you talking about its 2021 and the portrait is about to air and i heard theyre gonna fight :)
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“Perpetual care” platonic!(Nandor x reader)
Requested by @sleeplessdreamer14
Word Count: 2,209 words
Age Restrictions: 16+ (vulgar language)
Tags: Fluff, crack, platonic, parent-child dynamic
Synopsis: Your dear friend Guillermo accidentally finds out that you are related to a certain ruler of Al Qoulnudar and he’s dying to meet you.
Author’s note: I’m an energy vampire, except I get my energy from people who request platonic fics for this account >:) Thank you so much, made my day
________________________________________
“Yeah, but the Stan that we knew the whole show, wasn’t the real Stan. The real Stan was the Stan, that came out of the portal. So this Stan is Stanford, but the Stan, who we thought to be Stanford, was actually Stanley.” You ranted, walking down the damp streets of Staten Island beside your old college friend.
“Okay, okay, [reader], I promise, I’ll watch Gravity Falls someday.” Guillermo said, still unable to process the lore you’ve been trying so hard to explain the entire time. He noticed the mailman on Ashley street out of the corner of his eye. “Go right, I need to grab the mail, before werewolves tear it apart.”
“Right now?” You grimaced.
“Yeah, what’s wrong?” He crossed the road and you trailed behind him, hesitating slightly.
“I don’t know… Your house gives me the creeps ever since you told me about your, uh, ‘employers’. I’d rather live to my 40s, you know?” The half-joking tone of your statement made Guillermo chuckle.
“Don’t worry, they don’t harm the people, who are close to me. Plus, it’s way too early for them to be awake. The sun is barely set and they usually don’t get up until I wake them.” He shrugged and strolled towards the big, dark building.
“Should’ve brought my crucifix…” you mumbled.
The sky got darker and darker, as you finally approached your destination. The house seemed to tower over you, like an angry giant. It wasn’t that big, but it sure looked that way to you, since you knew what kind of creatures inhabited it. You instinctively stood closer to Guillermo than you usually would.
The familiar glanced into the mailbox and pulled out a few envelopes. Bills, some r-rated magazine Laszlo is subscribed to, grocery store ad and a mysterious envelope labelled ‘AncestryDNA’. Your eyes widened at the sight of it, distracting you from the thoughts about your current location.
“Man, I did this one too a few months ago! It’s kinda useless to be honest, it’s not like I’ll contact any of the people I’m related to at 0.01%.” You chuckled. “But it was fun. Had no idea there were so many nationalities in my family.”
“Oh, that’s great! I did one for me and Nandor. He was feeling a bit down recently, ever since he found out that his country Al Quolnudar no longer exists, so I thought letting him know about his relatives would… cheer him up.” He smiled.
“Aw, that’s so cute.” You said, then remembered that it’s a bloodthirsty vampire he’s talking about. Guillermo started walking towards the front door. “Wait, wait, wait! Where are you going?”
“To leave the mail inside, it’ll be a second.” He reassured you.
“Come on, man. Don’t leave me here alone.” You looked around. You weren’t sure if you trusted the night sky anymore. Anything could be around. Werewolves? Witches? Other vampires?
“Then come in with me. It’s alright.” Guillermo reached out his hand and you unwillingly took it, following him inside.
The inside of the house was beautiful and perfectly preserving of the many ancient relics, that seemed to litter every shelf. Your friend truly did a great job at keeping the house pristine. You barely made two steps inside, when you saw an unfamiliar woman descending down the staircase. She was ravishing, but seemed rather annoyed.
“Oh, there you are! Where the hell have you been?” She growled at Guillermo. You mentally noted her unique accent.
“Just out. I didn’t expect you to be up so early, Nadja.” He replied calmly, seemingly used to this treatment.
“Early? It’s 11pm for Sire’s sake! Barely woke up for the midnight snack.” The man looked at his watch, realising that he did in fact loose track of time with you. Meanwhile, Nadja’s gaze travelled to you. “Oh, I see you brought a treat. Well, maybe I can forgive you this one time.”
The woman smiled and suddenly disappeared into thin air. There was a moment of sheer confusion, when you wondered if your brain was playing tricks on you. Out of nowhere, a pair of cold hands grabbed your shoulders in a matter of seconds.
“Nadja, wait!” Guillermo shouted, barely turning around in time and you felt the vampire’s fangs stop inches away from your throat. “They’re not a snack, they’re my friend. I just needed to… Uhm…show them something in my room.” He tried to make up an excuse for you being in the house.
“Why the hell would you bring a random human into our house?!” Her voice roughened.
“Look. I’m sorry, Nadja. But you know I would never bring anyone dangerous into the house. They know about vampires and they’re not a vampire slayer. Trust me, they’re harmless.” He pleaded.
Nadja scoffed and looked at you once again, as if contemplating killing you, before leaving completely. You let out a breath you didn’t realise you were holding in the first place, still very much shaken by the sudden near death experience.
“Did she just teleport behind me?!” You whisper-yelled.
“Yeah, they can do that.” He whispered back. “Sorry, I thought they’d be aslee-“
He couldn’t finish his talk, before a loud voice echoed through the walls: “Guillermo! The lid is stuck again!”
“Oh, I’m sorry, I have to deal with that.” He ran up the stairs immediately.
“Wait up!” You followed.
You reached a wooden door with a golden knob. The familiar turned around to you, overthinking the plan for a few seconds, until he finally spoke up.
“Okay, you stay here. I’ll go help Master. Then when we come out, I’ll introduce you. If you meet anyone in the hallway, just come inside the room. Unless it’s Colin Robinson. Got it?” He let out in one breath.
“Wait, I-“ But it was too late and he already closed the door behind him.
The hallway was quiet. Even too quiet. You looked around, when another new face appeared from around the corner. A man, dressed very fanciful and rich. He smiled at the sight of you and you noticed his fangs right away.
“Ah, lunch!” He exclaimed and before you could ran inside the room next to you, the voice of Nadja interrupted the ordeal.
“It’s not food, Laszlo! It’s Guillermo’s friend.” She said, in an evidently displeased voice.
“Oh, pardon me then. Laszlo Cravensworth.” He extended his hand and you shook it.
“[reader]. Nice to meet you.”
“I like your grip, [reader]. Nice and firm. Tell me, are you Gizmo’s friend or friend?”
“I, uh…” You observed Laszlo’s face and he seemed absolutely serious. “I’m not sure I understand.”
Finally, the door swung open, revealing a tall, rather intimidating man. He looked at Laszlo and nodded, greeting him and the other vampire answered accordingly. His soothing voice, made you a bit less scared, but his fangs made it very hard to calm down.
“Ah, so this is [reader]?” He glanced at Guillermo and pointed in your direction, to which the familiar nodded. “Greetings, [reader]. I am Nandor the Relentless. They call me that because I don’t relent.” You could tell, he’s really forcing himself to be nice to you.
“Nice to meet you, mr. Relentless.” A nervous smile painted your face.
There was a beat of incredibly awkward silence, that felt simultaneously like a nice break and a staring contest. Finally, Guillermo broke it.
“Well, let’s go check that DNA test while we’re at it?” He suggested.
“I suppose that is a good idea.” Nandor agreed and you simply nodded along, now getting way too intrigued by this situation.
Downstairs, the three of you desperately tried to fit in Guillermo’s tiny space under the stairs, which didn’t seem like adequate living conditions, but you bit back the urge to bring this up. He punched the code on the envelope into their site and watched the loading screen for a few seconds until it showed you the result.
“Master, it says here, you are 70% Persian, 15% Kurd, 10% Turkmen and 5% Kazakh.” The vampire seemed to have a bunch of questions about this ratio, but before he could ask any, Guillermo continued. “And we can check if you have any living relatives, would you want to see that?”
Nandor’s eyes sparkled with anticipation, as he moved closer to the computer, sandwiching you between the two of them as if personal space is not a thing. “Relatives? Yes, yes, go on…”
The familiar clicked to the next folder on the site and it showed a ridiculously high number. More than three hundred thousand people. All of you remained in a state of collective shock.
“I’m a granddad?” Nandor looked at the screen in awe.
“Yes. Yes, you are.” The familiar choked out, unsure if he wants to delve into the implications of this amount of descendants. “Look how much you’ve got in the US alone.” He pointed at the map.
“All of these dots… They are my grandkids?” He squinted his eyes a bit to distinguish them better.
“Yeah! Well, some of them might be your grand nieces and nephews or something.” You chimed in.
“Oh, no. I killed my siblings before they could procreate.” He shrugged and you couldn’t tell whether it was a joke or not. “Are there any in Staten Island?” He asked.
“I don’t know. Let’s see.” Guillermo zoomed in on the particular area of New York. “Yeah, look! Over here.” He pointed at the address, funnily enough, it was your street. What a coincidence.
Guillermo clicked on the dot in Staten Island, which revealed the profile of Nandor’s supposed relative. A picture with a familiar face popped up. Your face. With a caption: [reader], born [_], ethnicity [_] and so on. All the information you filled out, when taking the test. Both heads suddenly turned to you.
“Is that you?” Nandor asked, already knowing the answer, but needing confirmation nonetheless.
You nodded shakily and let out a nervous chuckle. “Wow… wouldn’t have ever guessed I had a vampire grandpa.”
His smile grew wide with an uncharacteristic gentleness, as if he was genuinely happy to have you here. This felt weird. Just a second ago you saw this man as a terrifying bloodthirsty lunatic and now he’s apparently your ancestor. You weren’t sure how to act, so you awkwardly excused yourself, saying something about it being late and having work tomorrow, before practically sprinting out of the vampire residence.
You spent the night, pondering over the idea of reconnecting with your relentless grandpa. You weren’t sure if it was a sense of pity, sympathy, morbid curiosity or all at once, but the idea didn’t seem half bad. After all, he was the only one who hadn’t tried to kill you, which was a low bar to cross, but it was still crossed and that is taken into account.
The next day, you were getting ready to confront the vampire for the second time, to see if he’s down for a small family reunion. But as you opened the front door of your apartment, you saw Nandor and Guillermo standing outside, both looking a bit worried.
“Oh, hi! I was just about to go visit you.” You stated bluntly. The door opened wider to let both of them in. The familiar stepped inside, but the vampire just remained standing there. “Uhm, come on in.”
Only then did he come into the space and take a sit in your armchair.
“So I brought a present for you.” Nandor smiled in excitement and pulled out a little plush toy from a paper bag he had. “We made this at Build-a-Bear. If you press its paw it recites the warrior’s code in Farsi. I recorded it myself.” He handed it to you with almost childish giddiness and you couldn’t help but feel affectionate towards the gift. Unconventional, but sincere.
“Aw, thank you so much.” You held it close. “That’s very nice.”
“All the best for my grandkids.” He nodded.
“Maybe we should get to know each other better?” You suggested, sitting down on your bed.
“Yes, of course!” He tried to think of a good conversation topic. “Uhh… Thoughts on arson?”
“Hot.” You replied without thinking.
“I like you already.” He laughed a bit too loud for a mediocre joke.
The rest of the nighttime was spent with the two of you talking and doing dumb shit inside your apartment (Guillermo was just there for emotional support and because Nandor wanted him to stay). You found Nandor’s inability to spend more than 15 seconds pondering an idea and his earnest desire to connect with you, despite the generational rift very admirable and actually grew to like him. Of course, it would take much longer than several hours for you to fully start considering him family, but you’re willing to put in the work and so is he.
When it was time for both of your guests to leave, you shared a long heartfelt hug with your newfound relative.
“Goodbye, grandpa.” You said without much thinking.
“Grandpa?” He asked.
“Oh, sorry. Too early? Goodbye, Nandor.” You corrected yourself right away.
“No. Grandpa’s fine.” The vampire returned in a slightly shaky voice.
You weren’t sure, but you might’ve seen tears form in his eyes. Though you’ll probably never find out…
(PS: he did cry)
#what we do in the shadows x reader#wwdits fanfic#wwdits x reader#what we do in the shadows#wwdits#fanfic#x reader#wwdits nandor#nandor the relentless#nandor what we do in the shadows#nandor the relentless x reader#nandor x reader#platonic fanfic#platonic
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