#also Laszlo and Nadja will have some shit going on

[famdommcfanface]

Okay, okay, okay. Series ending prediction. NOT what I want - prediction.

Nandor and the Guide do get together in like episode 9, and highjinks ensue related to that. Maybe end of episode 9, maybe mid-way through episode 10 the Guide breaks it off because it was not working. Nandor is 'heartbroken' in that way he is at least once a series.

Meanwhile, Guillermo has been thinking about moving out of the house for some reason, probably something to do with work. Maybe they're relocating or some shit idk. Maybe he wants to have friends over from work.

Anyway, series conclusion for these two. Guillermo decides not to move out or even if he does he decides to stay in touch with Nandor. This probably coincides with the office he works at exploding or some shit - you know Jordan isn't getting out of this series alive c'mon. He helps comfort Nandor over the thing with the Guide. The two walk into the sunset together, their relationship ambiguous, except the sunset is metaphorical because it's nighttime.

[anxietycheesecake]

I'm sorry that you're being attacked and blocked for having valid criticisms. It's really weird to be new to this fandom and watch it go from a fairly positive space to fans being as nasty to each other as Star Wars fans in such a short period of time, especially when the crumbs people are cobbling together and calling a canonized ship is what we scrape for in other fandoms with ships we know will never be canon and we KNOW we're stretching the material we're given. I love my queerplatonic ships, found families, and platonic soulmates. I can absolutely enjoy Nandermo through that lens, but the gaslighting and mental gymnastics here is raising such a fucking eyebrow and you don't deserve to feel like you've done something wrong for recognizing it.

Being allosexual or alloromantic is as valid as being asexual or aromatic and it's actually so fucking unchill to conflate being gay or pan with being ace or aro just because they are all under the queer umbrella.

Ace =/= celibate, but half this fandom thinks Guillermo is a virgin and I can't help but think that's being bundled into the hot takes that are coming out right now when it's canon that he's uncomfortable due to being in the closet and his Catholic upbringing. Yes, he could be ace, but that means at best were batting 1/4 for aroace Nandermo.

Nandor has sex with Gail onscreen and is very clearly not ace. The vampires would have MINIMALLY mentioned Guillermo being a virgin and wouldn't have eagerly asked about his sex life in Atlantic City if they thought he was one and they practically have radar for it. He was panicking over Jeremy being a virgin and having brought him into the house and the only thing that saved the guy was losing his virginity. Nandor and Guillermo are both romantic in romantic relationships, and both are expressive about it and tell others they love them.

When you speedrun the entire series and the notable interviews with fresh eyes and not over a stretch of years the leap between 'My Nan- Master' vs. best friends, cuddling a Nandor puppet at night, the I'll make you a vampire speech vs. the vibe in the warrior speech is SO visible and it fits perfectly with Simms' public discomfort with fans shipping Nandor and Guillermo. He is openly uncomfortable with them being in a romantic relationship or having sex with each other and uses every homophobic gaslighting tactic in the playback when speaking about it.

“No, I do think there’s a small subset of very vocal people on Twitter who are like ‘We want to see Nandor and Guillermo hook up,’ and we’re always like, I think their love is bigger and more profound than that,” Simms said. “And also do you really want to see that? Do you?”

This is literally how straight people talk when they're uncomfortable with queer shit. What haven't we seen in this show other than that? Is Nadja and Laszlo's love lesser for it?

“Times that we’ve talked about it and explored it, the power dynamics seem so problematic,” Simms continued. “I mean, that’s his boss.”

In a show where the main couple started with nonconsensual sex (it's still noncon if it turns out that they could have had sex without hypnosis) and Laszlo fucks Colin Robinson after raising him for a gag. Sure, keep telling yourselves that the power dynamic is what makes Simms uncomfortable.

"I mean, it's a nice thought, for some...I don't know about these guys" Kayvan says as he nods toward Simms.

I've seen the Harvey interviews and talking heads from earlier seasons on the subject of Nandermo. The 2024 panel couldn't have been more different, and Harvey seemed completely subdued when the others were discussing Nandermo fanart and them being a ship.

This isn't a person who deserves applause for queer representation and it seems toxic af that Harvey has been stuck in a workplace where he has to hear this drivel when he's openly gay. Yes, I am side eyeing the fuck out of this and it's not because I'm crying over wanting my blorbos to smooch.

You can actually have a romantic pair not kiss or fuck or say I love you without pulling a very clear 'no homo.' That would have been totally fine, but they didn't do that. Copy and paste that scene into anything starring Andy Samberg, or literally anything bro centric and tell me it's a romantic love confession. Or rather, try taking it off tumblr and see if anybody thinks it isn't deep platonic male friendship.

It's okay for people to be upset when they've been hoodwinked. It's okay to separate fanon from canon and still enjoy your ships. But ffs stop gaslighting each other and saying non-romance is romance or that non-romance has more worth than romance and that people are shallow for not valuing it when that's not the problem people have with this, and when that isn't the bill of good audiences we're sold in earlier seasons.

The call is coming from inside the house it shouldn't be.

(Also SO sorry for how long this was).

Never apologize for articulating this better than I ever could. I'm too lazy to look for all the recipes I know are out there, so most of the shit I say is like "source: trust me bro"; I'm glad someone else did it.

The aspec thing makes me so mad because, as a writer, I'm always going out of my way to properly and respectfully represent aspec folks. Like, I've got two novels starring an ace woman and an aromantic man. Do I deserve a medal for that? Of course not! It should be normal. But it's kind of infuriating that people are willing to give aspec rep credit to a show just because it made two male characters stay platonic after teasing their relationship for years and call me aphobic for pointing out that's not the case.

[cottoncandysprite]

Guys holy shit ok i just had a fun moment of overanalyzing a background prop. So this is on one of Laszlo's plan posters in Local News:

Transcript: "During my absence I should leave my friends unconscious of the existence of their enemy and unprotected from his attacks, exasperated as he might be by my departure. But he had promised to follow me wherever I might go, and would he not accompany me to England? This imagination was dreadful in itself, but soothing inasmuch as it supposed the safety of my friends. I was agonized with the idea of the possibility that the reverse of this might happen."

It's a quote from Frankenstein (which to be clear I have not read past the first chapter yet, but I have seen summaries and listened to plenty of infodumping about it from @goddamnlethamlet, who also helped me with this theory despite not watching wwdits), from when Victor leaves behind his family and fiancee to go build a monster bride for his creature, specifically him choosing to bring his best friend/boyfriend Clerval (yknow, instead of his fiancee. Just guys being dudes). It's also right before the creature kills both Henry and eventually Victor's fiancee on their wedding night, so that's..... worrying.

With it being associated with Laszlo by being on his plans, as well as him fitting into a scientist role this season, i think its safe to say any foreshadowing would put him in Victor's shoes. And with laszlo as the scientist, Guillermo would be his experiment, the Creature. Obviously Nadja is the fiancee and I believe Sean would fit into the best friend slot. As for Nandor, remember how I said victor planned to make the creature a bride? Well, the reason the creature lashes out and kills everyone is bc victor has a moral crisis over the bride and scraps her.

So I think in the finale, Guillermo lashes out, maybe even goes full monster mode, and somehow hurts (or god forbid kills) Nadja and/or Sean before running off, all bc Laszlo told Guillermo he would smooth things over with Nandor after his turning gets revealed but for some reason Laszlo fails or just straight up lies and doesn't do it.

Another alternate take is that this quote in particular refers to the fact that Laszlo is willingly hiding the dangerous creature (vampire guillermo) from the others as to not concern them, but in doing so is also putting them in danger because they have no warning and no defense prepared against him. Hmm.

Anyway I for one love classic lit parallels and would kill for any of this to be actual foreshadowing bc i spent way too long typing that for me to be wrong

TL;DR If they made that Frankenstein reference on purpose we are FUCKED

[nanawritesit]

WWDITS Headcanons: You Having the Opposite Aesthetic of Everyone Else at the Vampire Residence (fem!reader)

tw: vampires, blood, corpses, mentions of killing, mentions of virgins, immortality

you were brought into the house to work as nadja and laszlo’s familiar

after having so many familiars die on the job, they had pretty much lost hope that they would ever find one that was right for them

so when you of all people, with your brightly colored hair, glittery makeup, long nails, and hot pink platform boots, were still around after a few weeks, they knew you were special 💞

of course they had their doubts at first, thinking you were much too soft for the job based on your cute aesthetic, but you surprised them with how tough you were

you had no problem finding them victims, cleaning up blood stains, and disposing of corpses. the promise of eternal life was much too great for you to give up because of some gore

nadja is overjoyed to have another woman in the house, and quickly becomes more of a bestie than a boss (as long as you do all of your duties as a familiar too)

she requires you to attend weekly “girls nights” with her, the guide, and mini nadja, but even if they weren’t mandatory, you’d happily go along

sometimes you’ll get all dressed up and go clubbing, taking everyone’s drinks for them since they can’t ingest human food

you stick out like a sore thumb in your pink sequin mini dress and heels, the rest of them shrouded in black lace, but you have an amazing time regardless. they really know how to party!

but sometimes you just have sleepovers where you watch mamma mia and talk shit about all the men in the house

laszlo didn’t take you seriously at first. he never really saw the appeal of having a familiar, thinking he got along just fine without one, but wanted to please his good lady wife

he could never understand how nandor was so attached to guillermo. he was just some human who followed him around and did his bidding

that was, until you came along

he found it was really nice to have someone to practice his music with, to organize his library for him, to help him into his coffin every night… and after a while he really grew quite fond of you

which scared him, because he knew how fragile human life was

but that only made him want to keep you under his wing more, to protect you until the day him and nadja decided to turn you

they love having you accompany them on their nightly walks, carrying their parasol behind them as they bask in the moonlight

they’re super protective of you, especially from people who assume you’re an easy target because of your looks

like, if anyone tries to mess with you around them, lazslo will yell at them to go fuck off, and nadja will practically go feral and rip their heart out

you’ll have to BEG her not to hurt them for her to even CONSIDER letting them go 💀

nandor pretty much falls in love with you upon first sight

he absolutely adores your style, loving how unique it is compared to anyone else he knows

he tries and fails to flirt with you all the time while you’re working, until nadja eventually yells at him to leave you to your chores, and he’ll scuttle away bc he’s scared of her 😀

he sometimes asks you to do his makeup like yours, saying he wants to “glitter like twilight”

his undead heart stops when you lean close to his face to do his eyeliner 🥺

he desperately wants to ask you out but is terrified of what nadja would do to him should you agree

she thinks you’re MUCH too good for him

he eventually goes to laszlo for help, since he’s such an “expert” on modern women 💀

he agrees to help him, but tells him that if you guys start dating and he hurts you, he’ll kill him 😗

guillermo is honestly just so thrilled to have another human in the house to sympathize with him 😭

the two of you quickly become partners in crime, dragging bodies down the stairs together and recruiting virgins for your vampires to feast on

he also wouldn’t hesitate to slay any vampire who tried to feed on you

you always stick up for him when the vampires aren’t taking him seriously, which helps since they all value your opinion tremendously

nandor gets a bit jealous when he finds out that you and guillermo get lunch together everyday 😭

guillermo admittedly gets a bit jealous when you’re turned into a vampire before he is, but is obviously very happy for you

but since nandor has such a soft spot for you, you’re able to convince him to turn guillermo sooner :) that way you can be a big happy vampire family forever

collin robinson thinks you’re quite entertaining, although he gets frustrated at the fact that you somehow always dodge all of his attempts to drain your energy

when you go out on the town with everyone, you have major scary dog privilege

when you walk by, people see a pretty pink princess 💞

and then they see the three huge, dramatically dressed vampires, one emotionless suited man, and one monster slayer walking behind you and they’re like oh shit nvm 💀

[wretchedwitchpussy]

Final thoughts on WWDITS:

They tried doing way too much with the little time that they had left and they didn't put enough time into wrapping things up properly. That's it. You could have cut all of the new characters that they introduced in season 6 and just focused on wrapping the things you already introduced, but that didn't happen. It was pretty sloppy in my opinion.

I fully thought that Colin punching Guillermo was a sign that he was an EV right? I was like what else could they possibly do with that? But without that pay off...what was the point of him doing that actually? Just beating the shit out of Guillermo? That's fucked up and there wasn't a point to it. There wasn't a point to a lot of the stuff that I saw on screen this season. Speaking as someone who was really into Nandermo, there was no ultimate payoff to the Guide and Nandor, not even them ending up together, which would have been unsatisfying to me as a viewer but at least they would have done something with a storyline that they already had going instead of just letting it fizzle out for no reason. At least there would have been a point.

There were so many good storylines that they just let die after season 5. And for what. Like. What was the point of Laszlo having his emotional catharsis with Sean? What was the point of Nandor desperately wanting a romantic life partner (which, btw, I don't think it's fair to say that Nandor's found what he wanted via crime fighting with Guillermo, because his want throughout all of the seasons was specifically FOR a romantic partner. It just seems like another way to badly resolve something that they didn't know how to resolve)? What was the point of [insert any dead unresolved plot point here]?

To me most, if not all, of the plot points this season as well as the way that the ending(s) occurred felt shoehorned in and kind of didn't make sense. A pretty good political message about immigrants making up the lifeblood of America? Awesome! Oh it was done shabbily and played off as a joke? Also the guide is MAGA? Oh okay. Also congrats on fucking up a character THAT badly with some of her last words on the show. Why not. Inasfar as shoehorned in to cover up bad writing, Nadja just hypnotizes the audience so that we get a satisfying ending, instead of the writers putting in the work to set up a good ending? Okay I guess. As a result, at least to me, it felt so rushed. I just wish they had finished up the very good storylines they had already set up instead of trying to do more when they knew this was the last season.

It was also pretty sloppy to me that they decided to do multiple endings, poorly, instead of just picking one and committing to it and doing it right. It just seems like they couldn't make up their minds at all both throughout the show's run and regarding the ending. I honestly don't really care that Nandermo, in my opinion, isn't even canon. To me, you have to show that sort of thing and not just coyly allude to it? I'm not going to call it queerbaiting or shipbaiting because honestly I don't want to get into a discussion about that, I mainly think it was just poor writing. I wish that they had done anything definitive with them instead of copping out with three endings (one of which is it was all a dream? bsffr), since, love them or hate them, they DID set them up as the "main couple" of the sitcom.

I also find the alternate endings thing kind of insulting to the fans? I guess? Like the fans didn't need you to do that. The fans can write fanfic and make alternate endings to the show themselves. I guess I just wanted something definitive instead of something simpering and pandering, which is kind of what it felt like to me.

I understand that people felt like it embraced the fans and told the fans that they loved them, but to me, that messaging feels like feel-good pandering to cover up the fact that they didn't know what they were doing with the show, and that they didn't know how to end it.

(@brewhay u wanted my thoughts on the finale lol)

[danepopfrippery]

Ok ok ok heres my rewrite starting at Freddie:

Nandor does as he did, Guillermo is hurt, and disgusted by making Marwa Freddie. Per my fanfic Nandor goes on a quest to redeem himself.

So Guillermo never whores out to Derek. Id keep Colin forgetting and Laszlo being hurt. Id keep Nadja getting a lil too drunk and harming Nadjita accidentally.

So most of the start of 5 id keep minus the Guillermo vampire thread. Id make hybrids much shorter and not include the weird degradation of little people.

After the Roast Id have Guillermo go for his Derek idea and Baron appear (cuz thought waves) and demand he at least tell Nandor this is what hes thinking. So he does and they have a heart to heart. The mansion ep doesnt happen. The exit interview is changed to Nandor going full Bridezilla on the ceremony to change Guillermo embarrassing all the other vamps. Finale of 5 ends right before hes changed.

In place of Morrigan manor Guillermo decides to do something nice for all the other vamps before hes an equal (which they ofc brush off). He shows Colin the youtube channel and photo album, for both Laszlo and Colin. They get a hug and decide to do monster as a father/son project.

Nadja is as lost as before and Guillermo mentions off hand how nice her fashion sense is. This sets up 6 for her opening her own vampire fashion house with the help of the Guide. For the Guide Guillermo suggests she acts aloof since theyve been shitting on her. Thru this she gets their respect.

Guillermo takes Nadijta to a doll restorer who Nadja hypnotizes so he doesnt freak out. Nadjita is happy and decides to pursue Colin Robinson, which Laszlo forbids cuz they are siblings. He and Nadja argue about this until it somehow turns into sex.

Sire and Baron are same but get engaged. This sets up their 6.

So s6 canon fucks right off. We premiere to Guillermo thrilled hes a vampire and shy about dating Nandor. Meanwhile Nandor is giving every detail which turns Guillermo red af when he hears.

By mid season we have Monster as he is (jerry never exists) and Monster isnt gross to the Guide and she actually likes him after Colin mentioned how outsider he feels. Nadijta mishears and thinks Guide wants Colin so suddenly Guide is setting off booby traps that monster saves her from and makes much work for dads.

Laszlo keeps trying to impress and seduce Nadja who is very busy with her fashion line. By mid season we see him getting more and more desperate for attention while Guillermo is desperate for time alone cuz Nandor is smothering.

This leads to Guillermo asking Nadja and Laszlo to counsel them which gets interrupted when they lose themselves in each other. Guillermo says he needs a half hour to himself which Nandor mopes and laments the entire time about.

Baron and Sire marry, very Nandors wedding but without the desperation and forced like. Derek meets the Guide again and now Monster is jealous. Nadijta still doesnt trust Guide.

Nadja’s business does so well Guillermo gets pulled in for some time alone. Which gets us the insight to how he tries to fill his time which is stupid and hilarious.

Sean almost dies and Laszlo has to turn him. Nandor hangs out with Charmaine more since Sean is distant. Laszlo gets his kiss as a thanks. Sean is ridiculous and adorable as a vampire.

Sam becomes the Sire and Baron’s familiar which is funny af cuz hellhound keeps tormenting him. He also has trouble not eating the frog kids.

The series ends with Nadja being feted and Laszlo being very proud and decked out in her designs. They all are and its ridiculous. Monster ends up with Sean and Guide ends up with Derek who becomes trans.

We end the series on Nandor mentioning his anniversary and Guillermo thinks he means the like daily anniversaries he was doing driving him fucking crazy. But its actually the anniversary of when they met and Nandor proposes.

The end

[rel312]

Things I loved about the first two episodes of WWDITS Season 5 (SPOILERS!!!):

Episode 1:

Laszlo acting like he doesn’t care about Guillermo but he clearly does if he not only noticed he was off but also commented on it

“Cause I’m the king of bottoms”

Nandor clearly not being okay, no matter how many times he says he is

Nandor hypnotizing everyone just so they could forget he tripped

“We are not laughing with you, we are laughing at you”

Nandor breaking down the door

Abandoned orphanage = twinkle twinkle little star apparently

“Your nicest shitty sweater”

Colin Robinson is a waiter I-

“I got so shit on my faced”

All humans work at Panera Bread at some point in their lives

Guillermo’s pause for the editors to put a romantic montage of him and Nandor

The sheer amount of to go bags from the restaurant

How they immediately came back after hearing “mall”

All of them immediately walking away after Guillermo tells them to stay put

Laszlo following Guillermo

Nandor having the time of his life on the carousel

The boss not even noticing all the blood

Guillermo not needing glasses anymore but wearing them anyway to not tip anybody off

Nandor getting a foot locker

Guillermo using said foot locker as a coffin

Episode 2:

“You just said doo doo” “touché”

Nadja crying about problems that she caused

The Guide!

The fact that no one noticed she was gone

Laszlo quoting Homer and Sean’s friends saying d’oh

The Guide desperately trying to be Nadja’s friend

Guillermo can make bat ears

Laszlo not knowing who Celine Dion is

“Get in losers, we’re going shopping!”

The destroyed police car

Nandor and Laszlo getting arrested

Laszlo admitting he’s not very good at hypnosis

Nadja also losing her language

There’s a Little Antipaxos!

Nadja talking about how kind she is and ignoring The Guide

A vampire finally got to turn a Jonathan

Never mind

Nandor telling all the cops he’s a captain and letting Laszlo be one of his favorite characters

And then using that power to do whatever he wanted

Laszlo thinking Guillermo had “the shits”

[inmyhorrorsera]

S5E8 "The Roast" thoughts:

Ok, I watched this episode three times and I'm still smiling. I love when you think and episode is gonna be about something because of its title and then surprise you when its all a misdirection (see also: Succession's "Connor's Wedding").

At first Laszlo's err… state intrigued me, love everyone projecting and imposing their own insecurities (Guillermo's secret, Nadja's hex) as a reason on why he is behaving like that. And of course it's a stupid reason 😭.

"And a flat pepsi for Guillermo". Oh Nandor, that's the worst thing you ever done to Guillermo, that's the worst thing you could do to anyone. And yes, I remember a certain S4 episode.

I screeched like a bird when Colin mentioned dreaming about being a baby under Laszlo's care, not only because I wanted this shit to happen since the past finale, but also I really thought the episode was going on that direction (and also bc its another W for my predictions).

Having said that, LOVED the nonchalance of Nadja and the others when they were like 'no, it wasn't a dream, that totally happened'.

I mentioned it in a separate post: they really had a Sweet Dee in IASIP moment when The Guide gave the roast idea, only to be ignored and then the same idea being stolen by a dude who is celebrated.

Seanie's poor brain it should be soup at this point, we don't know if he can hazily remember the event like it happened before.

What can I remember is his line after Nadja's roast because it was one of the biggest laughs for me: "Women CAN be funny!" I fucking loved it so much, it's the perfect condescending shit straight men say all the time, even when they're trying to be complementary to you they can't stop being garbage. It was a simple line but Anthony nailed the delivery and timing. Seriously, rewatch that part.

At first I was confused why all the jokes were so mid, but shortly I realized this episode wasn't about the roast at all, lol.

Just by watching screenshots of other users I noticed that in the scene of Nandor resting his head on Guillermo's shoulder there's a BIG flame between them. LMAO. There's no way that is unintentional.

Good for The Guide being the catalyst of Baron Afanas learning the truth. I was demanding more screen time for her lately, so having some incidence in the main plot goes on the plus column.

The other guests present at the roast being shocked at the knowledge of Guillermo killing vampires surprised me; I always assumed Guillermo being a familiar/slayer was a known fact in the vampire community after his very public massacre at the Théâtre des Vampires.

Fuck yeah when I realized this is a Doug Jones spotlight episode, I just fuckin ahgdjkaksdf, love him, perfect, no notes.

The Baron being terrifying!! Guillermo was seriously scared for the others and he barely tried to show off his Van Helsing abilities.

Nandor and Nadja begging the Baron to not hurt Guillermo!! 😭 Them being dragged while grabbing the cape!! 😭 They're spiritual siblings to me!! 😭😭

They really reminded me a little bro and sis begging their mom to not hit their beloved older brother with the chancla for talking back or something.

I fell for the two fake-outs with the sack lol I'm so gullible when it comes to vampires I guess.

NANDOR PAINFUL SOUNDS (MOANS???) WHEN HE BELIEVED HE WAS IN FRONT OF GUILLERMO'S INERT BODY. IT WAS SAD BUT ALSO A LITTLE HORNY!!!

"At least he died doing what he loved: beating off in the toolshed."

A wonderful small detail: After Laszlo opened fake Guillermo with the knife he cleaned his hands on The Guide's dress.

Idc if you think its dark, the whole 'Nandor will kill you and then kill himself' bit becoming a recurring joke it's peak writing.

I wish I can say something more serious about Baron Afanas' sadness over how boring his life is now. But I just keep thinking that the way he talks about his homelife with The Sire and the Hellhound sounds exactly when a dude has a middle life crisis and suddenly he doesn't enjoy his marriage anymore. They're husbands!! And I loved how cunty he looked at the end all half-charred (see posted gif) Queen!

Now, the Nandermo of it all: What more can I say than incoherent screaming and foaming from the mouth? Episodes 8 are all about them again!! Nandor on the window looking all cliched melancholic heroine of a romance novel?? How relieved he was when he found him in the coffin??? Him still remembering Guillermo's card word for word???!! Knowing that this toxic dark sided devotion goes both ways???!!! Borrowing the words of Fleabag: THIS IS A LOVE STORY.

Seriously, I know all these soft Nandor moments are here so the heartbreak when he learns about Guillermo being turned it's even bigger. But still denying that there is a romantic undertone between these two it's just being purposely adamant at this point (i'm looking at you wwdits reddit). Even if nothing explicitly romantic happens on screen, just by watching these moments, I know, we know.

Now, go listen to the ending song again. You will not regret it.

[mothguillotine]

Is There A Vampire Dentist?

CW: smut at the beginning, slight dub-con but idk if it really counts, just wanna be safe

The dinner with your parents had shaken you up. You know that they could never force you away from Staten Island (due to your strength), but they will definitely try. Them showing up and ruining your new relationships is a likelihood. You have no idea how Nandor, Laszlo, or Nadja would react to your parents' overall shittyness. 

Unfortunately, the vampires noticed the change as soon as you came back home. Guillermo had promised not to tell anyone what had happened that night, even though he encouraged you to tell Nandor. You knew Guillermo wouldn't judge you. After being alive for centuries, vampire standards are really high, and the idea that they could think less of you because of it was probable. 

Nandor had been the first to notice, and then when he told the others they came to the same conclusion, you must miss some of your things. After you were attacked, you never went back to your dorm to get anything. It wasn't like the vampires were lacking in the cash department, so they just bought you things.

The things they bought you just weren't enough, though. You needed your things, not just new everything. So the vampires sent Guillermo to get your things. After asking Oscar where you used to live, he heads over to the university you stayed at. When he gets to your dorm room, he knocks on the door and is greeted by a tall ginger woman, Ness. When Guillermo talked to Oscar earlier, he had warned him about her. You did NOT like Ness. That wasn't unknown information to Guillermo, but why you didn't, he did not know. 

“What?” she asks.

“I'm here for your roommates stuff,” Guillermo explains, “she isn't coming back and-,” 

“I don't care,” she says, moving out of the doorway for Guillermo.

“Okay.” Guillermo says, going in the room with trunks. When he enters, he sees another woman in the room sitting on presumably your old bed. 

“Kelsey, get off the bed,” Ness tells her, “he's getting her shit out of here.”

“Whatever,” Kelsey says and gets down.

Guillermo quickly shoves your drawers of clothes into the trunks. He then removes all of your desk supplies and grabs your laptop. After that, he grabs your clothes and shoes out of the closet, as well as your make-up and hair stuff. 

Finally, he grabs your bedding and blankets. Luckily, no further was in your room that wasn't university property, so he was done. Then he drags the trucks out in the hallway, and then he goes in to double-check he got everything. When he confirms he is done, he turns to leave and sees Kelsey and Ness looking way more than friendly.

“You slept with your girlfriend's roommate?” Guillermo asks Kelsey.

“Ex-girlfriend.” Kelsey says, “Anyways why the hell does it matter to you? You are just picking up her shit.”

“Well she's my friend, and both of you don't deserve her.” he tells them and leaves without another word.

_________________________________________

Back at home, you are sleeping in front of a fire. The night prior, Nandor (probably Guillermo actually) had set up a spread of furs and candles around the fireplace in your room. The gesture had really touched you, and so did he. You both had been occupied all evening, and after everything, you had fallen asleep in the arms of your lover.

That day, you slept exceptionally well, and so did Nandor, who had woken up a bit ago and was observing you as you slept. Every day that you spent together had made him more and more sure that you were it for him. The night before had proven that Nandor was falling fast. 

He was disappointed that he had to leave you for a whole weekend but he also knew that it was probably a good idea to spend a few days apart, at least that is what you told him. Which at first made him upset until you explained that ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’.

Nandor knew he had to leave soon to meet Sean and Laszlo at the car, but first, he wanted to have you. The night before, you both had fallen asleep without getting dressed, so he simply moves the fur that was draped on you. For a second, he is worried he woke you up when he sees you move, but when you stop, he continues on his path between your legs. 

He starts with small licks directly on your clit to which he watches your reaction. When you don't move he presses harder to which you moan in your sleep. Nandor continues to pick up the pace until you wake up.

“Fuck,” you say, grabbing his hair. Nandor moans on you when you pull at his hair ever so slightly. You can feel yourself starting to get closer to your orgasm.

“Nandor!” you moan loudly, “I'm- fuck, I'm so close.” He then switches to sucking on your clit which makes you spiral over the edge. You pull Nandor up to kiss you as soon as you are done and you taste yourself on his tongue. 

“Are you ready?” Nandor asks you.

“Yeah,” you tell him, and he moves to enter you.

He goes slower than normal due to the lack of warming up, and when he is about halfway in, he stops.

“Are you okay?” he asks you.

“Yes, Nandor, I promise.” you tell him, “Just fuck me already.”

After a bit he is fully in you, he brings his lips down to your neck. While his hickeys won't last long it doesn't stop him from trying, leaving your neck full of them for the next few hours. When Nandor is happy with the amount of hickeys on your neck he finally moves. One of your hands moves to grab his bicep. Nandor continues to pound into you and both of you are moaning a lot. 

Suddenly there is a knock at the door.

“Hurry up old chap you are gonna be late.” you hear Laszlo yell.

“Go away Laszlo!” Nandor yells at the door and goes back to the matter at hand.

“Fuck,” you say, “I'm gonna come again.”

He feels you tighten around him and knows that you are right so he moves one of his hands to your clit. To which you are immediately coming around him. This makes Nandor in turn also come and you feel him inside you. When he pulls out his cum spills out of you. He falls down next to you on the pelts of fur. 

“Good morning,” you tell him smiling, “What did I do to deserve being woken up like that?” 

“Did you not enjoy it?” Nandor asks you.

“Oh no.” you tell him, “Quite the opposite, my love.”

“Good,” Nandor says and moves to kiss you again to which you let him.

“Babe you have to go or you are gonna be late.” you tell him when you pull apart. He instead goes to kiss you again and this time you move away.

“Nandor,” you tell him, giving him a raise of your eyebrow, “Laszlo is waiting for you.”

“I don't want to go to Sean's cabin,” he tells you, “I want to stay here and be with you.”

“Nandor, you have to go babe.” you tell him.

“Do I have to?” he asks, looking at you batting his eyelashes at you. To which you push his face back and stand up off the furs.

“Come on, they are all waiting for you,” and offer him your hand to stand up. 

“If I knew any better I would say you are trying to get rid of me,” he says and takes your hand and stands up.

“Good thing you do know better,” you tell him and kiss him, “I will be here as soon as you are back on Sunday. Me and Nadja just planned on staying in and watching mamma mia.”

“Okay,” he says, giving up arguing with you.

_________________________________________

Both of you get dressed and head downstairs where Laszlo is waiting. Nadja and Guillermo are arguing in the corner while Colin is standing with many bags and camping equipment next to Laszlo. There also are a few trunks in the foyer which makes the space almost nonexistent. 

“What are all these?” you ask confused.

“Surprise!” Nadja shouts, “We got your things.”

“My things?” you ask.

“Yes, from your university.” Laszlo says.

“Thank you guys, so much,” you tell them, “I thought I was never gonna get it back.”

“Of course we did,” Nadja tells you, “this is your home now.”

Nadja moves to hug you and when you do you also feel everyone else join. You all stand there until Colin joins in and Lazlo breaks off.

“Nandor, we have to go.” Laszlo says.

“Yes, yes.” Nandor says and turns to face you, “I will miss you.” 

“I'll miss you too,” you tell him, moving to kiss him gently, “I lo- I hope you have a good trip.”

“I hope you have a good weekend as well, my love,” Nandor says, “Good bye.” 

“Bye,” you tell him, and he leaves.

_________________________________________

The first night was easy, you and Nadja got drunk on many cocktails she called ‘Throat Juice’. Mamma Mia and Mamma Mia 2: Here We Go Again are played at some point in the night as well. By the end of the night both you and Nadja are laughing so hard that you are tearing up, until Guillermo tells you both its time for bed.

“Come on,” Guillermo tells you both, “You both should have been asleep an hour ago. The sun is coming up soon and-” 

You and Nadja start to laugh again uncontrollably. Guillermo looks completely done with the both of you at this point. 

“We wanna stay upppp!” you tell him, “We just won't sleep! No sleep!”

“No sleep! No sleep! No sleep!” you both start chanting. 

“You both have to go to sleep.” Guillermo says seriously, “If Nandor and Laszlo came back to both of you burned to a crisp because you didn't want to sleep they would probably kill me.”

“Okay fine,” you say, “I don't want you to die or anything.”

Nadja makes a noise that seems like she disagrees and you elbow her.

“Okay,” Guillermo says, opening the door, “Here is your room, go to bed.”

“Okay,” you say sadly, “Good night Nadja!”

“Good night! Sleep well!” she shouts from down the hall with Guillermo ushering her downstairs.

_________________________________________

When you wake up you feel nasty and take a bath. The tub is filled to the brim with bubbles and is lavender scented. It's also very hot. You start by washing your hair and then your body. You take a mental note to have Nandor join you in the bath when he returns.

The peacefulness in the bathroom is quickly finished when Nadja knocks on the door.

“Do you want to go hunt down at the bars?” Nadja asks you through the door.

“Yeah!” you yell back, “Give me like 30 minutes!”

“Okay!” Nadja yells.

So you hurry up and finish up. You dress yourself in dark clothing so that way the shadows will hide you and the blood doesn't stain as bad. When you are all ready to go, you meet Nadja downstairs. 

_________________________________________

Saturday night was not unusual. Both of you had drained a few drunks outside of a bar downtown and, in doing so, had felt the effects. You both were at the very least tipsy.

As the night drew on, Nadja and you returned home to watch some movies, and when the hours passed, Guillermo got you both ready for bed. The next morning you wake up and get ready for the day excited that Nandor is coming home today. You brush your hair and your teeth. While you do so you can't help but wonder, do vampires go to the dentist?

_________________________________________

“Yeah, I'm really excited about Nandor coming home soon.” you tell the camera, “It feels like he's been gone forever, even though I know it's only been a few days. I just really miss him and-” 

You are cut off by loud pounding at the door. The knocks startle you. They are loud and echo throughout the house. You stand from the sofa and take off your mic. When you get to the foyer, the knocks happen again, which causes Guillermo to come down the stairs and Nadja from down the hall.

“Who is it?” Guillermo asks.

“I don't know.” You tell him.

“Gizmo, go open the door.” Nadja says, and then it happens again. This time, though, someone yells your name through the door. 

“We know you are here!” your dad shouts, “Open this door right now!”

“It's my fucking parents.” you whisper, “shit, shit, shit.”

“Why are they here?” Nadja asks you, which causes Guillermo to give you a look as if to say ‘tell her’.

“They want me to leave with them.” You tell her, “The other night I went to see them and they told me they were moving back to Michigan.”

“Where is Mich-e-gan?” she asks you, “Is it far?” 

“Yeah,” you tell her, the pounding continues as well as the shouting, “I don't want to leave but what happens when they call the cops? Because trust me they will.”

“We have to hypnotize them,” Guillermo says.

“No,” you say, “I can't.”

“It's the only option,” he tells you.

“Gizmo is right, my dear.” Nadja says, “They must leave before they draw too much attention to us.”

“I don't know if I can,” you tell Nadja honestly, “I mean they're my parents.”

She pulls you in for a hug and then says, “You have to, my dear.”

“I know,” you say and make your way down the hall to the front door. After taking a moment, you open the door to find your parents standing there.

“We have been standing outside, freezing.” your mom says.

“It is extremely rude not to let us in.” your dad follows with.

“Why are you guys here?” you ask.

“Sweetie, we know you haven't been going to classes or staying at the dorm. You are living here with a bunch of weirdos,” your mom says, “We are just concerned about you, and we think that moving back home with Nani and everyone else. Your cousins miss you so much.”

“I'm not coming back home.” you tell them, “I'm not moving back to Michigan. I'm not going anywhere with you. You guys can't control me anymore.”

“Sweetie, it's not like that.” your mom says.

“Yes, it is. My whole life has always been about what you guys want. You want me to be a perfect student. Done. You want me to move to Staten Island. Done. You want me to go to college here so that way I don't leave you. Done. You want me to be the perfect fucking daughter? Well I tried my hardest and it still wasn't enough for you. I'm done, I'm staying here.”

“You have obviously been brainwashed.” your dad says.

“What is a ‘brainwash’?” a voice says from behind your dad, Nandor.

“Your home!” you say, ignoring your parents for a moment as you run to him and pull him in for a kiss.

“I said I was coming back today.” he tells you, “Who are they?”

“uh, they are my parents.” you tell him.

“Oh, hi, I am her boyfriend, Nandor.” he says happily waving.

“How old is he? Forty?” your mom asks with a disgusted look on her face.

“No, actually, I'm 761,” Nandor says to which you cringe.

“You need to come with us. You aren't safe here.” Your mom says.

“Know if anyone is not safe here, it's you two.” Laszlo says.

“Laszlo, stop.” You tell him, but you go unheard.

“That sounds like a threat.” your dad says.

“Oh no, it's a promise.” Laszlo says.

“Oh I'll have you know that I've been in a few fights with my day, and I can definitely take down a brit.”

“Guys, stop!” you shout.

“I'll have you know I've lived here longer than you have been alive.” Laszlo says.

“STOP!” you shout louder than before stomping your foot down on the concrete path which cracks under the pressure, everyone stops.

“What is going on?” your mom asks.

“Mom, dad, listen to me,” you start and then hold out your hand, “I command you to leave and go to Michigan. You both decided to let me stay here. When people ask about me, you will give them vague answers and tell them that I don't talk to you anymore, I went no-contact.”

“We will do as you please,” they both say and walk down the steps. After they leave, you go back inside and sit down in the library on the sofa. A few moments later, Nandor follows you in and sits next to you. 

You lean over on Nandor, to which he pulls you close. After that, you can't help but let the tears fall as Nandor comforts you. Soon enough, you are sobbing against him.

You both stay like that for a while until Guillermo comes in and gets Nandors' attention.

“What, Guillermo?” he asks, “Can't you see I'm busy?” 

“Nadja and Laszlo have something to cheer her up.” he says, “If she's up for it?”

“Yeah, I could use a distraction.” you tell them both.

“Okay they would like to play a song for you.” he tells you, “They have been practicing for a while.”

“Okay,” you say and a little while later you are all gathered around the piano. The tune that Laszlo plays is familiar but you can't quite put your finger on it until Nadja starts singing.

“Ooh, You can dance. You can jive.

Having the time of your life. Ooh, see that girl. Watch. that scene. Digging the dancing queen,” Nadja starts and you clap along enjoying the song, “Friday night and the lights are low. Looking out for a  place to go  Where they play the right music. Getting in the swing You come to look for a king. Anybody could be that guy. Night is young and the music's high. With a bit of rock music. Everything is fine. You're in the mood for a dance. And when you get the chance,”

Laszlo joins Nador for the chorus, “You are the dancing queen. Young and sweet. Only seventeen. Dancing queen. Feel the beat from the tambourine, oh yeah. You can dance. You can jive. Having the time of your life. Ooh, see that girl. Watch that scene. Digging the dancing queen.”

You know, right then, watching Nandor, Laszlo, Nadja, Guillermo, and even Colin, that you would be okay. You love these crazy vampires and their fierce bodyguard. This is everything you've ever wanted and more. A real family. You smile as Najda and Laszlo finish the song.

“What did you think?” Nadja asks you.

“I love it,” you tell her.

<Previous Part/Next Part>

Masterlist

[ev-belknap]

Season 5 themes the way I am thinking I am seeing them after two episodes!

Yes I know I am terrible the brainrot is real don’t judge me.

- Secrecy: Guillermo is keeping them, now Laszlo is keeping them, the camera crew is up to stuff, there’s this big point made about hypnosis and hiding vampirism, someone on here made a good point about Colin even never telling Nadja about little Anti-paxos. I think some big things are coming out this season, not the least of it Guillermo’s secret, but I’m also betting Sean is going to Finally Learn this round.

- No bat left behind: I may be overreading, but the vampires flew back to Guillermo when he said mall, which made it a joke, but then Nandor flew back for Laszlo, which made it a point of interest 👀 I’m thinking they’ll band together a lot more this time round.

- Not Being Ready: So many people on here talked about Being Turned being treated like first time sex in this, and I want to kiss you all on the mouth I did not even catch that. Guillermo you idiot (affectionate), you’re going to have to come to terms with this.

- parallels: someone on here the mentioned the first s5 episode had a lot of parallels with the very first episode: Guillermo brushing Nandor’s hair, blowing out the candles, getting a gift, there’s a housemeeting… I am here for more of that. Give me theatre de vampires 2, with a big Guillermo reveal. Give me that subtle nightmarket lunge and flinch, but reverse that shit.

Anyhoo thank you for coming to my vampire brainrot talk, please feel free to shout at me in any way, I need more people to not be normal about this show with.

[things-arent-what-they-seem66]

I have an au idea and I have no one to tell cause I'm the only one to like this damn show!

I need an adamsapple What We Do In The Shadows au!

My heart says adam and lucifer are Laszlo and Narda but I'm not sure which one they'll be- but then my gut wants some angst (admittedly I haven't watched the whole show, just Matt Berry being hilarious and the adorable moments Laszlo and Nadja have (also the idea of adam getting up to the same shit as Laszo is so hilarious to me)).

Maybe charlie could be Nandor and Vaggie be Guillermo. Maybe Alastor as a big bad? If there is one? (I really need to watch the show-)

But I think you get the idea I'm going for, let me know if you think it's trash or not 🥺😫

I haven't even heard of this show but it sounds fun!

No it's not trash lol

I'm up for any au where Adam just gets to have fun schnanigains.

I looked it up a little bit and it looks real cool! Maybe I'll give it a watch :)

[cookinguptales]

Okay so... clearly people want to make sure I saw the Hanged Man imagery in 5.05...

Putting aside that I think it's very funny that this is apparently what people associate with me now, the reason I haven't really talked about it is because I'm not really sure what I think about it.

Yes, I saw the post. Yes, I saw the imagery while I was watching. But what does it mean? It's not that I don't have any ideas; it's more the opposite? I'm still not 100% convinced that all this is being done on purpose (though... it's certainly starting to feel more pointed the more it happens) but if it is being done on purpose... god, it could mean so many different things.

I talked about what The Hanged Man means a bit in my WWDITS tarot series, but it's one of those cards with a lot of different implications, and it's hard to know whether these things are being applied to specific characters, the overall narrative, etc.

So... some possibilities that immediately come to mind:

Colin Robinson as The Hanged Man. He was one of the characters I seriously considered for this card, so like. I get it. Particularly in s4 he seemed trapped in a sort of transitional period, and he still doesn't quite seem to have his path figured out. Like he's said himself, he just kinda keeps on truckin'. CR as Hanged Man could be alluding to his feelings of alienation from both humans and the other vampires. It could be a reference to his looping existence that prevents him from ever fully moving forward. It could be a reference to his meditative journey of self-discovery. This could go a lot of ways, tbh.

Many people talk about the Major Arcana as a journey, and The Hanged Man appears about halfway through when a break is needed to self-reflect, reassess, rest, etc. It can allude to feeling "stuck" or like you can't find a place where you fit. It's a highly liminal card, which -- again, it can go a lot of ways. If this is being applied to the overall narrative, is this an allusion to the halfway point? To the last few moments of internality and thinking before everything goes to shit? To the fact that a lot of characters currently feel "stuck"? To the way that no one can quite find a place for themselves anymore?

If anything, in this episode in particular, it feels like The Hanged Man might refer to Guillermo. He's hovering between two states, human and vampire, and he definitely feels trapped there. He feels trapped by his physicality (unable to use and control vampiric powers but still being burned by the symbols/people that used to protect him), trapped by his decisions (The Hanged Man is also occasionally used as imagery about punishment), and feels utterly stuck. He currently cannot move forward and does not know why. He's being forced to reconsider a lot of the driving beliefs and goals that have propelled him this far, and he's not necessarily liking what he's discovering.

Can this refer to the characters as a whole? Most of them feel like they're at a midway point in their current journeys, still feeling out information but currently unable to put it together in a way that makes sense. Nadja investigating her curse/Antipaxon family. Laszlo investigating Guillermo's change. Guillermo living through that change and investigating ways forward. Nandor being deeply suspicious of a change that he can sense but cannot make sense of. He doesn't even know what to investigate. All of them do feel a bit stuck, not just Guillermo and Colin.

Could this be an allusion to the way that vampires are liminal beings in this show? It's made incredibly clear in this episode that they don't really fit in anywhere and have this trauma of knowing that any "home" will last only as long as they keep their secrets. They have this trauma of knowing that there is no place for them, and they exist outside all accepted societal boundaries. They hang between worlds, and the lives that they've built are kind of inherently temporary. They're kind of constantly in a waiting period, aren't they, and they never know how long it'll last. Guillermo is only just now understanding what he's going to have to give up to join them.

Speaking of which, The Hanged Man is also a sign of sacrifice. This is a lesser-used reading, admittedly, but still very common. Is it a reference to the way Colin Robinson wanted to stand and fight, even if he had to sacrifice his life? Is it a reference to Guillermo sacrificing both of his families to his ambition, and really quickly coming to regret that? I worry a little bit about how this particular reading might come back to hurt us all later.

Honestly... these are my initial thoughts, but it's really just the tip of the iceberg. The Hanged Man is a card with a lot of different meanings attached to it, and it could be applied very broadly to the cast and overall events of the season. I have a lot of ideas, but like... it's hard to know where to direct them!

in conclusion

[megaawkwardhuman]

THE NEWEST EPISODE DWWHIOHIODWOHIWDDIHOWDHOIWDIOHOJBOOJBODSDBOOSDODSBOSDBODSBOBOSD

OH MY GOD I LOOOOOOOOOVED IT

whoops I ended up rambling for too long soooo my thoughts below

after the whole "oh shit guillermo fucked up" shit the last two episodes I think this is a nice breather

everything that happens this episode slaps

the pride parade? SLAPS

body swap? SLAPS

testing guillermo's powers? SLAPS

jealous nandor? SLAPS

nandor going to space? SLAPS

laszlo going out in the sun? SLAPS

nadja's ghost being a cringefail trying to get laid? SLAPS

weird ass colin nadja head thing? SLAPS BUT MY EYES WILL NEVER RECOVER

hotel? TRIVAGO

to give my thoughts in a bit more detail (going in order top down)

LOOOOOVE how one of the first people sean and charmaine thought of going to is the vamps

I know it's a political thing but like honestly? props to sean for the whole parade! now you need to realize how fucking queer you are for laz-

BODY SWAP BODY SWAP BODY SWAP BODY SWAP BODY SWAP BODY SWAP BODY SWAP BODY SWAP BODY SWAP BODY SWAP

Y'ALL HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY THIS MADE ME DWDWDDEEBFEIBJFIBJIBJIIBFEBIF

I LOOOOVE SEEING THE SMALL CHANGES ACTORS MAKE DURING BODY SWAP EPISODES

LIKE I LOVE HOW YOU CAN TELL NATASIA IS PLAYING NADJA DOLL AND NOT JUST SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT NADJA

AND THE WAY SHE BRIEFLY PLAYED COLIN?!??1 FUCKING SCREAMINGGGGGGG

ok glad they revealed the wings beforehand cuz now they only look slightly disgusting

also seeing what guillermo can and can't do will always excite me

MEMO ACTUALLY HAS SOME POWERS AAAAAAAAAAIENBIUDJAIBBF

So my theory about them basically pulling a giving your younger sibling an unplugged controller and telling them that they're helping with nandor was correct

SPEAKING OF NANDOR AAAAAAAAAAIJBEWDBIDEBEDWBBIUFEBIUFEIBUFRIBB

HE ADMITTED TO BEING JEALOUSSSSSSSS

LIKE IF THIS WAS NOT THAT MANY SEASONS AGO HE WOULD HAVE DENIED IT SOOOO HARD WE LOVE CHARACTER GROWTH

and overall I FUCKING LOVE SEEING HIM BE JEALOUS

laszlo walked around in guillermo's sweat

laszlo walked around in guillermo's sweat and we're not talking about it as much as we should

LASZLO GOING OUT IN THE SUN AFTER CENTURIES OF NOT SEEING IT AAHBEHBIDWAASISBSQISQAQQSSQAOFEODFOOFEINENEINO

there's something just really wholesome seeing him play at the beach :)

THE WHOLE NANDOR GOING TO SPACE TO IMPRESS GUILLERMO IS JUST FUCKING HILARIOUS

it took nandor's bare ass for us to learn guillermo CAN say god (for now) but it will make him cough small things small things

THE WHOLE SPEED DATING THING WAS FUCKING HILARIOUS

I was expecting the nadja seducing colin scene to be more unconfinable then it ended up being

speaking of unconfinable THE COLIN NADJA HEAD THING OFEJJONDFHOFROBIJHGRBHOIRGOBIJBOVVRBOIT

FUNNY BUT ALSO MY EYESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

AND THE ENDING IS JUST SOEIBJFEFXVGIUFEEDGUIEFVIHR3VIYHFE3VISIRGUSDVIHFKDGOUVGIT

THEY'RE ALL SO FUCKING HAPPYYYYYYYYYYY

I will remember this episode when this season enviably stabs me in the heart

this is the most episode of all time

[lorelodge]

♛ — also laszlo & nadja

Who’s more likely to find who wearing their clothes?: Nadja wears his coats & shirts but Laszlo will wear her hair extensions and use some of her beauty products... which aren't strictly clothes but I think it's cute so.

Who enunciates hand holding?: Nadja, but only by a small margin. Truth is they both like to hold the others hand. They want each other close.

Who likes having their hair washed by who?: Laszlo has spent 300+ years learning how to take care of Nadja's hair and help with with her hairdo's. Yes, this includes washing. He'll often do it because he enjoys it and loves her hair, but they're disgustingly affectionate so usually Nadja will wash his hair after.

Who likes to slow dance?: Neither have the patience to slow dance very often. Laszlo enjoys it a little & is more familiar with formal dancing. He's taught Nadja the basics but they both prefer to freestyle.

Muse that’s more likely to fall asleep with their head in the others lap?: Nadja. & Laszlo purrs every time it happens.

Muse that does all the cuddling in a blanket fort?: Nandor. Nadja. Lol.

Who hogs most of the covers at night?: .............Nadja. It's secretly why he suggested separate coffins.

Muse who nuzzles the others shoulder to get them to give them a head rub?: Laszlo.

How do they share a desert? Two forks or one?: Two forks and two deserts. Listen, they love each other but there are limits. Sharing chocolate cake is one of them.

Who gets jealous more easily?: They're not perfect. Both are capable of being jealous, but Nadja is much more obvious about hers.

Who gets angered more easily?: umm...idk

How do they go to sleep at night?: In canon it's two separate coffins because if they didn't they would spend all day & night fucking until they expired from starvation.

Who gets the most shoulder rubs?: Laszlo.

How often do they fight?: Not often. I mean, don't get me wrong. Laszlo & Nadja piss each other off. If so they're prolonged. Taking anywhere from a few hours to a week to sort out. This is partially because they will pause an argument to have angry sex. Genuine fights where they both dig their heels into the ground and are obtuse about communication were more common when they were newlyweds but are fairly rare these days. In general, they were never common. Sometimes they manufacture arguments just for the makeup sex.

What are there arguments/fights like?: Um... it depends. Were feelings hurt? They've been married for 300+ years so bickering is a staple of the relationship. But it rarely escalates. When it does, Nadja tends to "ignore" him. She makes Laszlo sleep in the basement and pretends like her husband is just another piece of furniture. The only problem with her method is Laszlo can 100% outlast her in the ignoring game. When Laszlo is upset he tends to be very moody & cranky. He shuts down communication and puts on his Sad Man pants.

Who is more likely to throw things in fights?: Nadja. She throws anything from paper weights to Laszlo himself.

How do they make it up to each other/apologize after an argument?: Nadja is one of the only people Laszlo will apologize to. He starts with "I'm sorry" and then, when Nadja is ready to forgive him, he showers her in affection & praise. Nadja's methods are much simpler. She will fuck the sad out of him. It has a 10/10 success rate.

Do they have nicknames for each other?: To quote rosey "bear - bull - lion - tiger - rhinoceros - buffalo - stallion - dragon - ostrich - gorilla - monkey ( distinct class from gorilla ) - armadillo," are ones that Nadja has for Laszlo.

Laszlo's are a bit more typical including "my darling, my love, my darling wife."

Caring for each other while ill, how does the other muse go about it?: Who’s more likely to be patching the others wound?: They have super human healing. But it's still Nadja, somehow. Laszlo is prone to forgetting to feed, he leaves random shit lying around to be tripped over, etc. He's just... not always the best at caring for himself.

Muse that says ‘I told you so’, after they come home from the beach and other muse is burnt to a crisp while whining how bad it hurts for not listening and putting on sunblock after the other muse repeatedly told them they’d get burnt?: .... I mean to his credit. He neither told Nadja of his intention to go to the beach nor complained about the horrendous sunburn after. Lol. But it's totally Laszlo.

Your otp has a newborn baby, who gets up in the middle of the night when he/she cries?: Sure as fuck isn't Nadja. If Guillermo isn't there than Laszlo will do it.

Your muse’s of the otp reaction to finding the others crying about something? And how do they make them feel better?: Immediate concern and inquiring as to what's wrong and then figuring out how he can make her feel better. Whether that's by slaying a beastly boyfriend (Gregor) or giving her the moon. Above all else, Laszlo wants Nadja to be happy. His lady wife crying simply isn't acceptable.

What would they be like as parents?: Horrible. Lol. Listen, I love Dadszlo and vodka aunt Nadja, but they are not equipped to be parents (and that's okay!). If they did become parents, regardless of their readiness Laszlo would enjoy being a stay at home dad (once the kids were capable of forming sentences and fine motor function). Nadja would (probably) love the kid(s) but she's very busy being a girl boss. She'll go to the occasional basketball game and scheme to get her kid into the best schools. But when it comes to changing diapers and packing lunches that would be all up to Laszlo... or Guillermo. Probably Guillermo.

What would they have been like as childhood sweethearts?: I think they would be inseparable. Two scrappy kids who constantly get into trouble. Laszlo's family would probably try to keep them apart because of Nadja's status. While they may play a part in Laszlo's initial perception of her, I think he is bound to fall in love with her crazy ass. His father may send his to boarding school sooner and Laszlo would write to her every day. He's more determined to do well in school with varying success, but as with canon his sexuality eventually gets him expelled. From there I think he'd come back feeling very low of himself and gravitate toward Nadja's arms. They'd probably marry very young, against his parents wishes.

Who enunciates taking a bath together?: Laszlo.

Who likes who playing with their hair?: Laszlo loves Nadja's hair but she's actually more likely to play with his unprompted.

The place they mostly likely accidentally fall asleep together?: Either the sofa, watching reality TV or naked on the rug by the fire after serious love making.

[sumendi-blog]

Rant day because the returning of the interviews of Paul and Yana, and all the comments that come with them, got on my nerves and I have to vomit this. Every single time that I make peace with the un canonizing of Nandermo, they return.

Rantrantrantrantrantrant about Nandermo and Guillermo

First of all, I still love to read how "Nandor doesn't deserve Guillermo". We can agree you don't have to like them as a pair, everything more than ok, but clasifying Guillermo as a "sweet cinnamon too pure" looking at you Fx is WRONG. He's sick, twisted, compared to inmortal insensitive beings of course he is sweet, but he indirectly has killed docens of human beings JUST TO PLEASE THE VAMPIRES AND TO BE CLOSER OF BECOMING ONE OF THEM. Humans have died just to please his need of becoming "sexy, powerful", vampires kill to FEED, Guillermo lured victims just for his own selfish reasons. Afanas pointed his turning as a "delightful betrayal to his kind". Also, "Nandor treats Guillermo like shit", yeah, he's a vampire, and he treats him nicely in VAMPIRE STANDARDS. Both of them are fucked up.

-I really don't think any fans waits a "romantic, perfect" relationship between Nandor and Guillermo, their dynamic is twisted, and hey, spoilers, there's no healthy relationship in the show. Not even Laszlo and Nadja are healthy. Also, "problematic power dynamics", yeah, specially when you made Guillermo said to Nandor that "he was alive because HE LET HIM" which is true. Nandor is powerful, but he is utterly defenseless during the day, Guillermo would have killed him easily.

-"Freddie was a healthy relationship" yes and no. After 1 year of relationship, ONE YEAR, Guillermo continue telling lies to Freddie, about himself and the vampires. He wasn't truthful about what he was doing, he surely thought that telling Freddie that "he was serving them, cleaning pools of human blood, burying corpses and luring victims" would have terrified him, so he continued the charade of being normal just to keep Freddie with him, being selfish. Healthy much, uh? Guillermo will truly love someone when shows who he truly is even if he loses them

-"Fans don't know what they want". Excuse me, if you have been SHIPBAITING for 5 seasons (and no, not our imagination, because then you go and describe them as a "will they wont they" relationship, so yeah, you're doing it on purpouse) I might have some feelings for the pairing that YOU MADE ME HAVE . You had more than enought time to stablish relationship with other characters and you didn't because you would lose the "golden eggs goose".

[b1rdeyes]

Alr so watched first two eps of s5 wwdits and my thoughts (in a numbered list woohoo):

1) Wait so the doc is called “what we do in the shadows” in universe?? Are they gonna have like a premiere ep way later in the series (like the offices qna kinda thing).

2) honestly I’m much happier than I was with the s4 premiere. I remember being pretty disappointed that we didn’t rlly get much from their Europe trip. I was so hoping that nadja and Guillermo would be friends/have mutual respect (quite a few ppl were talking ab it and I felt like it could have worked well and in hindsight we might have avoided the Freddie incident 😭). I remember being so mad like WHAT WE SKIPPED A WHOLE YEAR AND NOTHING CHANGED WITH GUILLERMO HE GOT SHIPPED IN A CRATE AGAIN?? I did like plenty of s4 (go flip yourself ep my beloved) but I wasn’t OBSESSED like I was with s1-3. I feel like this season might get me back into it more

3) love Colin he’s just always the same it never gets old lmaoo

4) just realized Derek’s wearing a collar and like punk pants lmaooo he’s getting a new look (maybe it’s not new at all but I only just noticed it now 😭)

5) the Sean fight at the bar lmaoo AND THEY STOLE THE POLICE CAR 💀💀 also laszlo’s pronunciation strikes again (“mutha-fuck-aas”) AND THE EVIL LAUGH AFTER “eat shit TERRY”

6) I KNEW LASZLO DIDNT ACTUALLY KNOW (well I only started thinking that when he was ab to confront Guillermo but 😭) WHYD U LET IT SLIP GUILLERMO

7) Based on some of the promo plz let Guillermo and laszlo be friends (I’m so desperate for at least one of them to treat him with a little bit of kindness consistently)

8) I want Guillermo to do some cool stuff so bad 😭. Like cmon do some special van helsing vampire kills. Ig he can’t slay anymore cause he’s also a vampire but PLEASE

9) Saw someone talk ab how the camera crew is more involved and yes it’s very interesting 👁👁

10) wondering ab what they’ll do with guide cause they added her to the intro (I am fairly certain that wasn’t in s4) cause she wasn’t in the first ep AT ALL

11) I hope they bring nadja into the main story with smth unique. Laszlo found out and is getting involved (kinda training him considering the promo). Guillermo is nandors familiar so there’s a lot of possible material involving nandor regarding his vampirism. Nadja rn seems like she’s stuck in this b team plotline with the guide. I will definitely wait and see, but considering it seems like just the guide faking the hex and nadja learning to be nice I’m prob going to be more into the Guillermo stuff (and that seems like it’ll mainly involve just laszlo and nandor)

Anyways, I really enjoyed it and I’ll just keep hoping that Guillermo will one day have one of the main vampires be kind to him (((: