#and go 'wow this is pretty fucking wacky from outside'

[mister13eyond]

Alright so confession. I have never read or seen JoJo. So my question about DiaDop is WHAT IS GOING ON? I thought they were coworkers but I see posts that imply they're sharing a body? but sometimes not? Is it a Yugi and Atem situation? Is one of them a Stand? are they a fusion? are they one guy who got split in half? I am so confused and intrigued and it's funnier to just ask than to find a fandom wiki about it

AHJAHKDJFGSKD GOD YOU MUST HAVE A HELL OF A TIME INTERPRETING MY POSTS THEN

uh spoilers until the end of jojo part 5, since diavolo and doppio are The final villain of that arc, but

uh, to answer the questions: "Is it a Yugi and Atem situation? Is one of them a Stand? are they a fusion? are they one guy who got split in half?" ... yes. (to which one? yeah.)

IT'S A LITTLE FUZZY ON PURPOSE BECAUSE THEY HAVE A LOT OF MYSTERY AROUND THEIR ORIGIN & BACKSTORY but we can essentially presume it's either a Yugi and Atem situation, or they're a case of DID in which alters not only have unique speech patterns & identities but like. entire... appearances.... we watch doppio grow a foot taller and extremely more muscular when Diavolo fronts.... it's.... Interesting.... there are actually a good variety of headcanons on what exactly Doppio and Diavolo's deal is

(I personally jump between 'two souls in one body', 'actual dissociative identity disorder', 'Diavolo is actually the stand King Crimson who has developed his own human identity', or 'they were originally twins and one absorbed the other in utero but they still retained individuality' which are all equally viable). either way, 1.) they share the same body. 2.) eventually, a stand with the ability to swap around souls into other people's bodies hits them and sends them to separate places, 3.) they have different fates at the end of the series; one is defeated by the protagonist and the other never even makes it to the final battle.

Oh also! In addition to all of the above, Doppio does not know that he shares a body with Diavolo! He fully believes Diavolo is his boss, who exclusively contacts him via phone, and Diavolo hides his identity from even his flesh roommate. Doppio thinks of Diavolo as his boss, and believes Diavolo is calling him on the phone. And if he doesn't have a phone, any relatively phone-sized item in the area will do (while he walks around making a phone ringing noise.) we've seen him talk to diavolo through a frog, a cigarette, an ice cream cone, and a plastic fisher price toy phone

Together they run the mafia!

[smutty-ki113r]

Hello! Could I please have a nsfw cp matchup?

I go by they/she pronouns and am pan sexual with most experience with/leaning towards men

I have shoulder length light brown hair that’s usually up in some type of braid because it’s easier with my work. I’m more on the small side of the spectrum in like every way possible with my 5’3” self

I’m mostly insecure about my shoulders and my voice cause my shoulders look like they belong to a man and my voice sounds like a small child- it’s very complicated lmao

I work within environmental and conservational science so being outdoors and doing fieldwork are what really make me happy. In my spare time I do help out in my community and rescue animals, I currently have 2 horses, 2 cats, 4 frogs and a lizard so they’re pretty much my biggest soft spot

Weird shit i do is my joints pop out a lot so I have to see a chiropractor every few weeks and get them back in place but in the meantime i just crack them myself so I’ll just like stop in the middle of a store aisle and do a backbend because it hurts. I also have a speech impediment so I tend to not speak that much if I’m not comfortable around people but once I am I do not shut up and sometimes mix up syllables or word placement in a sentence and will not notice unless someone tells me. A fan favorite is “I the lawning was mow”

Mega introvert

I am an aquarius sun with a cancer rising and moon

An ideal date would be to let me take them out to a park or something. I find sitting across from someone and doing a traditional dinner date very nerve racking no matter how close I am with someone so like just let me take you on a hike and don’t complain then I will marry you on the spot. Bonus points if you let me ramble on about different plants and stories about random shit my friends and I have done( kind of like I did in this request, sorry)

NSFW

I don’t know if I’d go as far as to call myself a pillow princess but i’m definitely a sub and i cannot make decisions for my life. Will never be able to take control please tell me what to do or else I will not be able to move. Degrading is hot and I like it but praising is just *chefs kiss* I would die. Could be coerced into a ddlg relationship. I am the type to just hide kinks and never say anything and then you mention it once and suddenly im an interesting person. Jealousy, being protective and bREEDING. Those are my big three let me tell ya anyone who got those immediately hot to me no matter what. Breeding is strangely fun to me

A COMPLIMENT! FOR YOU!!

You are doing so well my friend!! Idk what you do outside of tumblr but I am proud of you! ALSO you’re writing! I love it. It’s hard to find writing like this especially from these fandoms that aren’t written by strange horny children and yours are gold!! Thank you for blessing us with such great thoughts!! 💕

I match you with…..💕EYELESS JACK💕

NSFW bellow~

I think Jack would be a great match for you, similar interests and also good for your personality.

Mega introvert you say? Yes well EJ is quite reserved so you don’t have to worry about too much wacky behavior scaring you off. This man absolutely adores you, thinks you are the center of his world, a breath of fresh air from his messed up life. The braid thing is adorable, I know Jack would spend hours learning to braid just for you. If you take him to a park he will try to weave in flowers into your hair, he’s extremely delicate to not hurt you.

The fact that you rescue animals is like WOW for him, he admires you to another level. Thinks your kindness is unmatched. He knows you are special, he will bring you a lizard as a gift too. Probably takes a liking to the lizard and talks to it when you’re not around, refers to you as ‘mommy’ when talking to it. As if you, Jack and the lizard were a little family. Fucking adorable. “I’m gonna give you a treat but you can’t tell mommy ok?” He says, giving it a cricket, as if the lizard could understand.

He gets so worried about your joints, probably nods disapprovingly. Don’t worry about the dinner date though, he might try that further in the relationship but he dosen’t want you to see him eat another human’s kidneys. He does love to hear you ramble, sits patiently and is invested in what you’re saying. If you apologize he probably say “for what? I like hearing you talk”.

(Side note: Don’t you dare fucking apologize for asking something, there’s nothing to be sorry for, I love getting to know my readers)

For the nsfw, he likes to play around and find out what you like. You say you like jealousy, protectiveness AND breeding? Oh damn you’ve got the right guy. He loves watching his seed just settle in your cunt, does not let you move until it’s made it’s way into your womb. He praises you for taking his big cock so well, even though you squirm he will kiss away your tears and tell you how good you’re doing for him. Just for him.

Hope you liked it! Btw, you are valid, and amazing. THANK YOU! You’re too kind, I love uuuuu. Outside of tumbler I write- other things, more stories. A book, my feelings, and make a shit ton of picrews. I’m so proud of you

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 272: (Directed by Michael Bay)

Previously on BnHA: The My Child Soldiers Academia arc finally started to live up to its name as Tokoyami became the first (but I assure you not the last) victim of traumatic mental scarring courtesy of Horikoshi’s sick games! So he and Dark Shadow showed up to stop Dabi from murdering Hawks and were all “please don’t kill our mentor.” Dabi was all “AH BUT YOUR MENTOR KILLED SOMEONE ELSE, AND ISN’T THAT JUST LIKE THE HEROES THOUGH, THEIR HANDS ARE SO STAINED WITH BLOOD” and then he tried to set both of them on fire several times in succession. Hawks was all “Tokoyami just run away while he’s in the middle of his five-hour sermon” and so they tried but Dabi followed them! But then Geten was all “ALL RIGHT EVERYONE... CHILL” and fucking froze everything for no discernible reason, and Tokoyami fled the building with an unconscious Hawks in tow as the battle raged on. The chapter then ended with Gigantomachia being all “I smell my master!” and standing up, hahaha oh fuck.

Today on BnHA: Well you guys are not going to believe this, but it turns out that Tomura waking up is actually a very bad thing. A “worst case scenario” if you will! Because, get this, he has a quirk that can destroy anything, which spreads from whatever he touches to fucking everything and everywhere else. Gosh, if only we’d known about this since like 35 chapters ago. If only we’d had a spy among the villains who could have warned us, and three entire months to plan our attack, and literally every single hero in Japan on call to help us when the time came. Anyway so you’re really going to be shocked by this I’m telling you, but it turns out that when a crazy powerful person who wants to destroy everything finally wakes up, he immediately starts destroying everything with his crazy power. So X-Less dies and Crust dies and everyone else runs, and meanwhile the kids, who are on the outskirts of the city finishing up the evacuation, stand there in shock as the plot rampages toward them ready to swallow them whole. The chapter ends with Deku powering up to FORTY-FIVE PERCENT YEAHHHHH, and oh shit. Finally we’re doing this.

I am not even remotely done with all the shit I’m supposed to be finishing up, but fuck it, I need a break and reading the new chapter is by far the funnest thing on my current to-do list, so!

OH SNAPS MY BOY HAS FINALLY OPENED HIS EYES

IT ONLY TOOK HIM... OKAY LOOK I’M NOT GOING TO GO BACK AND COUNT ALL OF THE CHAPTERS, BUT LET’S SAY... FIFTEEN. ...HUNDRED. CHAPTERS TO FINALLY SNAP TO IT AND COME JOIN THE PARTY. BUT IT WAS WORTH THE WAIT! PROBABLY. AHH LET’S JUST READ ON

-- ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohm --

[puts on glasses and unfolds map while poring through a mess of scribbles on post-it notes] -- hold up, if my calculations are correct, I’m pretty sure “somewhere a bit further from the hospital” is, in fact, where a certain THREE TROUBLE-PRONE DISASTERS ARE CURRENTLY HOLED UP. AHHH

can it really be true. are we finally rejoining our protagonist and his buddy cop friends after 97 years. how will everyone react to Deku reacting to Tomura waking up ahhhh

so Burnin’ is yelling at the civilians to let them know if they have any family or friends who need assistance evacuating

god I hate the fact that this is a fucking understatement

they’re not taking any chances after Kamino and Fukuoka huh. fool them once, shame on you. fool them twice, oh shit. but there will not be a third time! no one fucking destroys three cities in the span of six months on their watch, no sirree

(ETA: ...)

lol the kids are trying to get the elderly citizens on a bus to evacuate, but a lady is trying to give them candy and Kacchan and Ochako are of two different minds on whether or not to accept

Kacchan is absolutely right about Ochako’s motivations, but in her defense, who the fuck turns down free chocolate

IIDA!!

FUCKING CHRIST JAPAN IT’S 200 YEARS IN THE FUTURE AND YOU STILL HAVEN’T SWITCHED TO DIGITAL RECORD-KEEPING? WHY IS THIS THE MOST REALISTIC THING IN THE ENTIRE MANGA TO DATE. MY GOOD SIR, IIDA IS LYING THROUGH HIS TEETH, ALL RECORDS AND BUILDINGS ABSOLUTELY CAN AND WILL BE COMPLETELY OBLITERATED IN THE CARNAGE TO COME. I’M SORRY TO BE THE ONE TO INFORM YOU OF THIS, BUT DAMN IT SOMEONE HAS TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

(ETA: I sure hope these poor bastards had good insurance.)

also. this man here who looks like Beaker from the Muppets, who presumably has the power of Doing Anything Those Wacky Flailing Inflatable Tube Men That You See Outside Of Car Dealerships Can Do. ...yes. that’s it. that’s an intentionally incomplete sentence with a subject but no predicate. I just feel like we should all sit and stare at him for a good thirty more seconds before continuing on with our lives

OH MY GOD

THEY’RE EVACUATING THE PETS TOO AHHHH. EXCUSE ME CERTAIN SOMEONES WHO THINK ALL HEROES ARE “DIRTY.” I SEE YOUR ARGUMENTS AND RAISE YOU THIS ONE SINGLE PANEL. YEAH THAT’S RIGHT. NOW WHAT DABI. AT A LOSS FOR WORDS I SEE. YOU JUST SIT AND PONDER THAT FOR A WHILE

is... this... a space shuttle man

is this literally just a man with a Boeing for a head. FUCKING QUIRKS THOUGH!!!!! ~*~wild~*~

OH MY GOD AND WE’RE BACK

time for some HORCRUX SHENANIGANS!! IS YOUR LIGHTNING BOLT SCAR BURNING DEKU. I CAN’T BELIEVE HE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED IS BACK AHHHH

so now he’s slightly hunching forward with his hands pressed together and Todoroki is immediately sensing that something is wrong ahhhhh

(ETA from like 5 days later: I had that as “Tokoyami” instead of “Todoroki” for the better part of a solid week you guys. SHOUTO YOU WERE GONE FOR SO LONG I FORGOT YOUR FUCKING NAME whoop.)

here come dat angst. here comes Horikoshi’s hand beckoning the trio closer and welcoming them to the pain parade ahhh. from now on that’s how I’m ending all my sentences btw. it just seems right. ahhh

OH MY LORD OH MY

ladies and gentlemen, YOU WERE SAYING DEKU DIDN’T HAVE ENOUGH CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT LATELY? HE’S NOT INTERESTING ENOUGH AS A PROTAGONIST, IS HE? well maybe that’s because Horikoshi has been saving this one juiciest of plot nuggets for a rainy day precisely like this! BRING ON THAT CHOSEN ONE ANGST AHHHHH

anyway so yes it is indeed OFA speaking to him in the form of Lil Bro a.k.a. the first user

lol I’m trying to think of commentary but it’s difficult seeing as I’M ALREADY SCROLLING DOWN TO IMPATIENTLY READ THE NEXT PAGE

lmao the fuck

okay Princess Zelda. can you get any more flowery with those descriptions though. A TRANSCENDENT BEING. A SUPERLATIVE ENTITY. A SUBLIME, PREEMINENT ORGANISM. FREED FROM ITS SHACKLES. UNFETTERED BY ALL EARTHLY LIMITATIONS

OH MY GOD

it absolutely boggles my mind that this guy is somehow still alive. ??! how many chapters and panels has it been now. he’s like the goat in the t-rex pen in fucking Jurassic Park. WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GET EATEN ALREADY

...

do you... want a blanket. ...?

(ETA: do you ever just. wake up and you’re like “ah shit it’s cold”, and then you destroy an entire city. mm.)

do you all suppose X-Less is fully aware that he’s about to die though? he hasn’t even moved. I imagine that sitting next to Tomura actually is much like sitting next to a giant t-rex. like he has to know there is no getting out of this alive. poor guy

damn Mic isn’t even looking back he’s just running back into the main room where all the rest of them are

wow this fight is still going on

I don’t know why, I just expected it to all magically be over all of a sudden now that we have bigger things to worry about. do you guys remember when we were all worried about the High End Noumus being the biggest threat. hahahahaha

(ETA: moment of silence for ALL OF THE FUCKING HIGH ENDS lmao. that did not go how I expected that plotline to go AT ALL, but at least we got the best fucking battle in the entire manga out of it.)

jesus CHRIST ENOUGH WITH THIS

WE GET IT TOMURA IS DANGEROUS AND SCARY AND EVIL AND AWAKE!!! JUST PLEASE GET TO IT ALREADY GOD I’M BEGGING YOU

FINALLY

goddammit. my reaction to this should have been much more “!!!” and “OH SHIT”, but he dragged it out so much that my initial reaction was one more of relief than horror. maybe it’s because of the way I read the chapters, constantly pausing to do commentary as I go along, but whenever a chapter has a ton of panels of people just staring into the distance awash with dread, it really stands out to me lol. there’s only so much I can write about that kind of thing. ah well at least we’re finally getting to the action

I genuinely can’t tell if Ujiko is frightened that he’s about to be disintegrated by Tomura’s quirk, or excited that Tomura is awake

maybe both lol. well don’t worry you’re not gonna die that easily, much as you would not catch me complaining if you did

thanks Gran

lol where was all this speed throughout the rest of this arc though. “we’re only competent when the plot necessitates it” huh. is that right

oh shit it’s destroying the rest of the lab

those are all of Ujiko’s collected quirks, right? someone please tell me if this is a good or a bad thing. on the one hand if they’re all destroyed it means Tomura can’t get them and Ujiko can’t make any more Noumus. but on the other hand this means they won’t ever be able to give them back to the original users (if any of them are even still alive). and also that’s a lot of evidence that’s being wiped out as well

oh shit they didn’t know about this?!

even after Deika City, you didn’t put two and two together?? even with all of Hawk’s intel?? what the hell did you think happened there?

well this explains why everyone was so la-dee-da-no-rush about capturing him though. well that’s on you guys. next time maybe don’t waste 20 minutes uselessly battling redshirt Noumus while Mirko has to do everything herself

anyway so I feel like people other than X-Less are almost certainly going to die here, and fuck. I’m not ready for any of this

AHH THE KIDS

BIT SLOW ON THE UPTAKE THERE KACCHAN LOL. FOR A MOMENT YOU HAD ME WORRIED THERE WAS SOMEHOW A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THREAT APPROACHING FROM THE OTHER SIDE, BEFORE YOU TURNED AROUND TO LOOK WHERE THE OTHERS WERE LOOKING

ALSO JUST A FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT SHOUTO’S DAD IS IN THAT HOSPITAL, ALONG WITH THEIR TEACHER! HERE. COME. DAT. ANGST

LOOK AT THIS CONSPICUOUSLY INTACT BUILDING AS IT STANDS THERE ALL OMINOUSLY WITH THE NEARBY BIRDS AND CRITTERS FRANTICALLY FLYING AWAY

I want to see it crumble so bad. now this is the kind of foreboding cinematic disaster movie bullshit I can get into

FFFF WHY IS THIS PANEL SO HARD TO SEE

THERE’S TOO MUCH CHAOS AND TOO MANY PEOPLE LOST AMIDST ALL THESE SHATTERING AND FALLING TUBES, BUT I NEED TO MAKE SURE EVERYONE IS SAFE AHHH

...okay so I see Ryuukyuu in the top right, and I think that’s RockLockRock on her back. Thirteen is clearly there in the bottom center, but I don’t know who that is next to them. and then of course Gran and Mic on the left. and a bunch of others spread out in various other places, but... where the hell is Aizawa??

OH THANK GOD

FUCK YOU HORIKOSHI, I KNOW FULL WELL YOU’RE NOT JUST GOING TO KILL OFF THE WORLD’S PREEMINENT DAD STRAIGHT UP OUT OF THE BLUE HERE, AND YET I STILL FELT ANXIETY AT THIS LAST PANEL. HOW DID YOU EVEN

BITCH YOU BETTER LET THE FUCK GO BEFORE I --

!!!

oh my god I gasped in real life. stop making me fear for the lives of main characters!!

he. he --. crust. he. ...

I literally stopped reading and had to stop and cover my mouth with both of my hands I’m

silence. no screaming. no flailing. no freaking out. just silence

shit. rest in peace you old sedimentary bastard. respect to you for saving the father of my children in your last fleeting moments. I still have not the slightest idea how you rose through the ranks to somehow become the sixth fucking highest rated hero (HERO BILLBOARD CHART, IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT. ARE YOU FEELING OKAY), but you sure did go out with style though

also this may be tacky of me to point out during such an emotionally charged moment, but one second Aizawa is wearing his goggles like normal, and the next they’re suddenly pushed up onto his forehead so we can see the anguish in his bloodshot eyes. there was no reason to do that other than angst and we all know it. so yes Shouta you dramatic bitch, I am calling you out. why Horikoshi felt he had to add to your many accumulated traumas is beyond me. you don’t deserve this and I am so, so sorry

OH GOOD I WAS JUST ABOUT TO ASK WHERE THE FUCK ENDEAVOR WAS

seeing as we just went over this with Gran, I will take the high road here and won’t ask why you’re only this fast now and couldn’t have been this useful this ages ago back before Tomura woke up. oh wait does sarcastically saying I won’t bring it up count as bringing it up. well whatever. middle road, then

sob I’m getting flashbacks to the end of Return of the Jedi when they’re all frantically flying out of the Death Star as it explodes

friendly reminder that Ryuukyuu, clearly the fastest one here despite carrying like 20 people, was number 10 in the rankings for some unknown reason. again, r.i.p. Crust you well-meaning geriatric soul

also just a stray thought, I hope it’s clear now why it was so important to give Deku those additional quirks. at a minimum he needs Blackwhip and Float just so he doesn’t instantly die the moment he’s in Tomura’s general vicinity. sob I’ve joked so much about flying quirks and here they are becoming fucking prerequisites now

anyway so Ujiko is mourning the loss of his lab, which again, good riddance mostly. but r.i.p. that evidence though

(ETA: nah the “total loss” part is referring to how the heroes fucked up so soundly and thoroughly. anyway no one would blame Mic if he accidentally dropped Ujiko in the midst of all this chaos, I’m just saying. I guess they need any intel he could still provide now more than ever though.)

OH MY GOD!!

LAUNDRY HERO WASH?! THIS SUDSY BOI CAN ACTUALLY KICK ASS WHAAAAT

oh my god oh my god it’s still spreading??!

fuck fuck fuck at this rate it’ll reach the kids

(ETA: that happened really fast actually.)

-- oh FUCK NO you had better NOT FUCKING TOUCH FUCKING PIXIE BOB, I WILL MAIL MYSELF TO JAPAN PANDEMIC OR NO PANDEMIC. DO YOU NOT SEE THE SIGN THAT SAYS “OFF-LIMITS.” RESPECT THE SIGN

SOB SHE’S SO BADASS BUT IT LOOKS LIKE IT’S STILL DISINTEGRATING FUCCCCCK. FUCK MY LIFE, FUCK EVERYTHING

AHHHHH

I can’t tell if her earthbending was able to stop it or not?? god help us all if it didn’t, I’m not even sure what else could stop it at this point

SHUT UP UJIKO!!

they really did. only to fuck it up completely at the finish line. well, the man most singularly responsible for it is dead now, again r.i.p. Crust you useless old legend

lmao despite myself

“by a miracle, or maybe through sheer will” even he acknowledges that Tomura waking up was basically complete bullshit. yes blah blah yadda yadda got zapped by some exposed wires explanation science. because we all know that getting electrocuted will fix you right up when your heart has stopped and you have completely flatlined. you can definitely trust Horikoshi on this and there’s absolutely no need to google how defibrillators actually work

also is he somehow wearing a cape now. again by a miracle or maybe through sheer will

YESSSSSSS

(ETA: one has to wonder what Ujiko’s plan was, assuming this scheme had actually played out. were they just banking on Tomura not waking up cranky and disoriented and wanting to test out his power. his quirk doesn’t exactly distinguish friend from foe here I’m just saying.)

the part of me that goes all “ooh ahh” when all the buildings explode in Independence Day is singing inside. but never fear, the rest of me is appropriately horrified though. what was that Burnin’ was saying about the city becoming a large-scale battle zone? sob

also this page sure serves as a nice refresher for exactly why Tomura Waking Up Was Bad, which was inexplicably a topic of some debate in recent weeks. yes in spite of everything the villains are still the bad guys who’d have thought. almost as if the purpose of humanizing a character is to show that they’re human, not that they’re right

WHAT’S THIS NOW???

WELL I’LL BE. IT’S BEEN AN EVENTFUL THREE MONTHS, APPARENTLY!??

HOOAHHHHHHHH

IT’S A BIRD IT’S A PLANE IT’S A BADASS OH SHIIIIITTTTTT

finally finally finally!!!!!!

THE SHIT HAS HIT THE FAN, REPEAT, THE SHIT HAS HIT THE PROVERBIAL FAN. THE PLOT IS FINALLY HAPPENING, REPEAT, THE PLOT IS FINALLY FUCKING HAPPENING AHHHHHH

and there is no one coming to save them this time. no one to arrive at the last second and say “it’s all right now because I am here.” they have to save themselves. they have to save everyone. the training wheels are finally coming off. the safety net has been removed. after 272 chapters, the story has finally reached a point where these kids, these children, who in spite of all they’ve been through have been protected and shielded from the worst of it up till now, will finally have to be the ones to save the day all on their own

and they are not ready. but also maybe they kind of are??! but they definitely are not. and oh god oh god oh god, FINALLY WE’RE REALLY DOING THIS. TIME TO FIX THE MESS THOSE SILLY GROWN-UPS MADE, CHILDREN. YOU GOT THIS

[sheriff-caitlyn]

//I thought I could stop being angry about new lore and just stay in my happy little sandpit but there’s apparently Piltover hype and now I’m angry again --

//Absolutely not. Fuck this.

I get that they’re trying to build a more coherent world. I get that they’re trying to pull everything together. But homogenising Piltover and Zaun into one city was ridiculous enough as it was, now they are making so you can’t even tell the two cities apart? Chaos and unrestricted experimentation on BOTH sides? Fuck right off.

Piltover has been from its inception a place which has been seen as a utopia, the brighter side of steampunk, the optimism of the future that is hand-in-hand with a care for the environment and with community. They call it the City of Progress. Progress requires a level of restraint; the restrictions placed on learning and experimentation are meant to encourage scientific, economic, artistic, and societal growth WITHOUT the cost of damage to property, health, community, or without regard to ethics and morals. Piltover’s progress was ‘the world is advanced with care and planning’.

That was, in the beginning, how Piltover was differentiated from Zaun’s rampant capitalistic drive for ‘no matter the cost’. Zaun was run like a collection of corporations, pushing the bottom line (as demonstrated by Singed and Mundo’s self-experimentation and push for branded items like MundoCorp, MundoCola, etc). Zaun’s collective identity revolves around novelty as product that could be sold, with a narrow-minded focus on results over consequences. Piltover was meant to be different from that.

But nooo, now they can just set the fucking UoP building on fire every Wednesday, show how little respect the sciences and the arts have for each other, ignore the history of the lore so far in order to have this wacky little university for people who don’t give a shit about anything except their projects, because hoo hoo! They’re exactly the same, deep down!

And hey, speaking of not giving a shit!

Wow! How about that! Children who are coming to learn something new don’t actually know anything! Wow! It’s almost like university is meant to be a place where people LEARN things! This is a shitty attitude for a teacher to have. What kind of university sees their own students as underpaid researchers and/or guinea pigs? Not a Piltovian one! At least, it shouldn’t!

I get that they want to make things complex and interesting so that stories can progress, so that they can keep pushing their game forward and make it so the story isn’t stagnant. But mushing two distinct entities together and going ‘hm see they’re exactly the same deep down’ is just... it’s problematic, to start with, and lazy. You could be taking a look at how individuals wrestle with the ideals of their nation. That’s why Jayce was seen as such a complex figure in his original lore, because he acted selfishly and without thought, and yet is praised as the Defender. That’s why Orianna’s existence in her original lore is so stark and fascinating, because a father did ‘whatever it took’ to save his daughter. If you focused on how characters, as individuals, clash within their society, how they behave as hypocrites or heroes, that’s where a good story comes from. Changing the basis of the setting entirely is just a lazy, ham-fisted way to provoke drama, and it’s such an awkward, ugly step back for the world of Piltover, and for Zaun by extension. There are people in Zaun trying to make things better. There are people in Piltover who don’t deserve what they have. Let’s talk about them. Let’s have them make a difference in their world or learn a lesson; let’s have them meet, and figure out a way to reach goals and learn things and right wrongs and just be better people. The basis of steampunk is in the way we view the future, and the consequences of our decisions. Isn’t that a better angle than ‘the future sucks no matter how you approach it’ or ‘everything is exactly the same’?

The idea that good stories only come about from constant conflict is exhausting. There is so much that could be done with the idea of peace and stability. But it’s not as fun, apparently. Look, I get it. I like making my OCs cry, and watching them suffer. But it’s because I want to see their strength. I want to know that they can stand up again and be better. That they are tested and come out the other side of a difficult experience with resolve and determination. But stories don’t have to be all about the drama, all the damn time. If I am looking into a world that has been built, I want to see the moderate struggles of day to day life, rather than just all highs and all lows. 

But I mean that’s how Demacia went from ‘hm could be secretly sketchy’ to ‘oh look, we’re brainwashing children and using conversion therapy but at least we’re not calling it fascism because we’re a monarchy actually so it’s okay’. Lazy. Ham-fisted. A complete lack of understanding of their own genre, their own background, their own audience.

But I digress. I’ve talked enough about this already. 

The University of Piltover (aka the Yordle Academy of Science And Progress) would not be on fire or damaged by flying experiments. Teachers would love their subjects and enjoy teaching the next generation (who are there by choice out of a hunger to learn). Arts and sciences go hand in hand, because Piltover is a very pretty place and there is respect for the crafts and studies of others. There is a bomb range outside of town where people can test their experiments and a race track where they can fly their crafts or pilot their new vehicles. Everything is regulated and the greatest care is taken in all forms of advancement, with the consequences and the responsibilities forefront in the mind.

I’ll be in my sandbox with Piltover as it should be. I doubt the new lore has anything to interest me (except the nuggets I still haven’t been compensated for, Riot ‘don’t ghost someone who applied to work in the story department’ Challenge).

[bubblyani]

Better

(Adam Sackler x Reader)

An Adam Sackler One Shot

Genre: Fluff

Request: Been trying really hard to come up with something. So its not that great of a request. How about Adam Sackler x Reader. You wrote a jealous Adam. How would Adam react if his girlfriend was jealous? If you are inclined to make it super fluffy at the end. I wouldn’t be mad at ya. Please please please? 💖💖 @danceyreagan​

Author’s Note: Writing for Adam Sackler is fun cause I could dive into the style of dialogue they have in GIRLS. Hope y’all enjoy!

The way his large, generous hand enveloped yours, it was clear that even the harshest of winds would not be able to blow you away from Adam Sackler’s grasp. Yes, as dramatic as it sounded, you felt that secure.

Warmth, it exuded through his hand, powerful enough to bring you only comfort and nothing else. It was cooling yet warm at the same time. Perfect for the summer. Your mind, it was at peace with him. Even when he took you on a stroll on the streets of Brooklyn on a lazy afternoon.

“I don't get  it…” Adam began, in a matter-of-fact tone, “…why are people so weirded out by hand holding in public?”


“Uh…” Suddenly thrown off by the question, you formed a response, “I guess some people are not as open to PDA…Adam, are you okay?” You inquired, fascinated by his enthusiastic behavior. “Me? I’m great…” He said nonchalantly. Looking at you, he smiled, “You know what?…fuck those people! Hand holding rules…I get to hold on to my girl all the time” he said proudly, raising the held hands together as if he won a trophy.

“Ooooh!” You giggled, thoroughly amused. 


“And I get to do stuff like this…WHOOOO!”

Squealing, you felt like a paper blown in the wind, when Adam started to run, pulling you with him. To the average passerby, the two of you may have looked like lunatics. But running together hand-in hand, you felt like a child. Although you were sure you weren’t so active back then as you were just this moment.

Catching one’s breath after running for a while, Adam released your hand, walking ahead while rambling of the most random topics he could come up with. Listening to him was never a burden for you. You always did so with a smile on your face. For you were genuinely inclined to. It was Adam. His silliness , his wackiness was nothing compared to the love and joy you felt being with him. And you were finally happy to share the silliness with someone who equally did not care of the social norms that had no impact. You both existed in this life, to share the embarrassment together. And you did not mind.

With your eyes solely focused on him alone, you suddenly found yourself bumping into someone, who just emerged from the retail shop nearby.

“Oh! Sorry-” You said involuntarily. Judging by the soft locks of hair that brushed against your face, you guessed it was a woman. And looking up, you were right. “It’s okay…” The woman answered. Overhearing, Adam quickly turned. He could not help but freeze in his tracks. “Mel?” He said, looking at the woman. With widened eyes, the woman opened her mouth with surprise. 


“Adam…Hey!” She cried out, but with an unexpected surprise of a tone. It sounded shy. “Hey…” Adam replied, in an equal manner.

Awkward silence emerged for a few seconds as you could not figure out what was going on. The woman finally came to her senses when she realized you had accompanied him.

“I’m sorry…” she said to you, “I’m Melanie…Mel” she added extending her hand out to you. “And this is Y/N…” Adam replied, putting his arm around your shoulder, “ …my girlfriend”

Mel looked more surprised than before. At this point you have already realized they knew each other. “Oh wow…” she began, taking the time to process the information as you shook hands with her, “…nice to meet you” she said slowly.

“You too” you said, in a confident yet curtly manner. The moment Mel let go of your hand, it seemed like you had suddenly disappeared from her eyesight, for it was only on Adam.

“You look…good…” she said to him, nodding. Surprisingly silent and obedient, Adam nodded back. “So do you…” he said softly, while they both acknowledged one another.

Feeling like the 3rd wheel in this situation, you were deeply inclined to stealthily move yourself. And you did, a few feet away. But at the same time, you stood close enough to asses the entire situation, for you were no fool.

Mel, she was beautiful. If her beauty was to be described in one word, it would be as breathtaking. With your hands folded, you watched them with the same intensity as watching a complicated sports game. Your eyes were busy analyzing their every move. Their manner of talking was soft, which clearly did not fit the description of long time friends. Their choice of words were careful.  And from the angle you stood, you could clearly see how her eyes dilated by the sight of him every second.

For a second, you wished you knew Adam’s reaction too.

This sort of behavior, you’d certainly be a fool to not know what they were.

A minute or two later, Mel made her exit. But not before nodding at you. Nodding back with a constrained smile, your arms remained folded as Adam walked  over to you.

“So…” He began awkwardly, “…uh…that was-” “Your ex?” You asked, wearing the same tense smile. Adam nodded quickly. “Yep…”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

(An hour later)

“Hey…Hope you’re not feeling sick or anything. Just so you know, if you need me to come over…all you gotta do is ask…okaaay. Anyways, I’ll talk to you later, Bye!”

As soon as Adam’s voice message ended, you tossed the phone away, as you tossed to the other side on your bed. Truthfully, you wished you were sick. Rather be sick than have this feeling, you thought.

The stroll, it continued after Mel left. You remember how your eyes lingered on Adam  while he continued with his ramble. Except your conscious was nowhere near there. Suddenly you could not smile the way you used to. You felt unhappiness, poking you in the heart with a reminder. At first you did not know why. But with each step you took, you came to the realization.

Sure, we all had past relationships. So did you, so did Adam. It was a given. In fact, when you first met him, you were well aware of the fact he was getting over his previous relationship, which had ended horribly. But never did you expect to meet the woman behind it all. You did not think it was someone who was as perfect as Melanie.

The more you were aware of her existence, the more sour you felt. Jealousy, it was knowingly swallowing you whole to the point you could not pretend anymore. It was tiring to feign enthusiasm. And since Adam did not dare to expand on the topic even after the encounter, you felt pressure in holding it all in.

So much so you excused yourself to go back to your apartment, alone.

Jealousy, it turned you into someone different entirely. Sighing deeply, you closed your eyes as you drifted off to sleep.

If your normal self was Dr.Jekyl, the Jealous you was definitely your Mr.Hyde.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

(The next morning)

“…and boom! I got this sweet ride for half the cost. Isn’t that awesome?” Adam’s voice woke you from your thoughts. “Hmm….” With arms folded, you remained unmoved as you stared ahead sitting on the passenger seat of the car. It was Adam’s niece’s birthday, and his sister had decided to hold it at a place outside the city. Though you were far from willing to step out of the apartment with Mr.Hyde inside, you still joined your boyfriend when he rented a car to go there.

Surprised by your silence, Adam kept driving. Though it was obvious he was deciding to move over to another topic. “So…uh…you wanna listen to something?” He inquired, reaching out to the radio. No answer. It was as if he was the only occupant in the car. 
“Okay…still silence it is then…” He muttered awkwardly. The outskirts of the city welcomed the both of you when Adam decided to speak once again.

“You know…” he began, “I’m not the one to usually bring up stuff like this but…” he continued, “Did you bring any makeup with you?”

Turning your head to him with annoyance, you shot him a look. “Why? Am I not pretty enough?” You snapped. 


“NO no no…Jesus!” He replied quickly. Sighing, he added “It’s just that…this is kinda of a formal thing, and I really don’t want you to regret not putting anything on…cause you usually do”

You looked at your reflection on your phone. Mr.Hyde seemed to have convinced you to care lesson yourself you even forgot to put on makeup before the trip. Adam was right. But somehow you just felt worse.

“Well…”you began sternly, “if that’s the case then …why don’t you ask MEL to accompany you, huh?” To your horror, you almost felt yourself bark by the end of the sentence. But at that moment you really did not care.

Exhaling deeply, Adam quickly pulled the car over, bringing it to a steady halt. “Why are we stopping? You asked angrily. “Cause we need to talk…outside” Adam said, surprisingly very calm. Unable to smile, your face was stuck in a resting bitch-face mode as he gestured you to get out of the car.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The outskirts of New York deserved more of the attention. But today was not the day. Amidst the trees and bushes by the road, Adam watched you. With his hands is his jacket pockets, he watched you pace from side to side.

“Y/N…” Adam began calmly, “You okay?” “Uh huh….” Nonchalantly you answered, trying your hardest to avoid the question.

“See? I can tell that you’re definitely not okay” Adam finally spoke up in a tone that made you pause. Taking his hands out of his pockets, he took a step towards you. “You’re upset about something. And… you know what? no matter how long you’re gonna stand here sulking….I don’t give a shit” he said, with a serious tone, “You’re gonna tell me what the fuck is going on with you. Cause I’ve never seen this side to you, Y/N. And its making me worried-”

“OKAY!….” you cried out. His incessant ramble finally broke you down. But what really broke you was his concern in particular. It made the insensitive side of yours break it’s walls, to see how patient he was with your stubborn behavior, ever since yesterday. And how patient he was now.

“Okay…I’ll talk. I’m gonna talk.” You said with a sigh.


“Great” “But I’m gonna talk a lot.” “Well…good. Cause that’s what I want” Your heart melted upon hearing those words. “Really?” You asked. “Yeah!” He answered without hesitation. Taking a deep breath, you looked right into his eyes. 
“Okay…Look! You’re a hottie… and-” “What? THAT’S IT?” He asked confusingly, making you burst out laughing to his surprise. “Stop! I’m trying to be serious” “Yeah… well, that was a good start” He replied with sarcasm, making you chuckle harder. “Sackler come on!” You said, playfully smacking him on his chest, “ I mean it. You’re this …hella attractive guy, and I knew going out with you, I have to put up with the women throwing themselves at you. Being an actor and all. And I didn’t mind. I didn’t care. I really didn’t give a fuck” “You didn’t ?” “I didn’t ” you repeated, “But…When I saw your ex…she…I mean, Mel is gorgeous. Like mad gorgeous” “No she isn’t” Shocked by his quick response, your jaw dropped. “You gotta be blind if you really mean that” you said, appalled. Adam raised both his hands. “Is this… some kind of self validation on appearances or something?” He asked. “NO No…I normally don’t care but…” you said, frustrated, “…seeing her, and seeing the two of you together talking…I just felt so horrible. Like a legit stomach pain. Not because I’m worried of how she looks better than me…It’s just that..with you guys having such a long history, I wondered, are you guys suddenly gonna have hope for each other again?” You said, as you let your thoughts take you, “Maybe you’ll start…thinking about her again and…One afternoon you guys would probably wanna meet up for coffee, but will it end with just coffee? NO! It won’t” Engaged in your green thoughts, you did not even notice your voice breaking with emotion, “And the next thing you know, you’ll tell me you don’t love me anymore and… leave me and-”

“Hey hey hey! Shhhh!” Adam cut you off gently, pulling you into an embrace,  “Where the hell did you just go?” He asked. As vulnerable as you were, you welcomed this warmth gladly. “I’m sorry…” you sniffed, “When I get jealous I get…super paranoid. And it just goes down the spiral…it’s crazy. It’s bad I know. I’m sorry-” “Shh…” he repeated, “It’s okay…” patting your back gently. With eyes closed, you remained in the warmth of his embrace for a few minutes. Both of you dwelled in comfortable silence while the birds chirped and the soft wind caressed your bodies.

“Do you know why me and Mel broke up?” He asked, making you pull away all the sudden. “No…” wiping your nose, you answered, “… cause I didn’t want to pry into the your romantic past. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable…” Adam chuckled, upon hearing your response, “You know, this was one of the reasons I liked you so much” he said, stroking your head lovingly, “You’re so cool. Like… in the best way” “Shhh stop!” You smiled shyly, hugging him again. “So… why did you guys break up?” You asked him. Adam’s chest rose as he took a deep breath. “She cheated on me…” he said, “When I confronted her about it, all she could say was…she wanted someone better” With widened eyes, you tried your best to process the news. Adam chuckled. “Imagine how that made me feel?”  He asked. “Yeah, that must have sucked…” you said, voice muffled against his jacket, “…I mean..how can she say that? About you especially?” “Yeah?” He asked, pulling away to look at you. “Yeah…that’s just crazy talk” “You know what else is crazy talk?” He said softly,  “You…thinking I might leave you”

Embarrassment swallowed you whole completely, you had nowhere else to look but down. How could you act this way to a man like him?

“Hey!…” Adam began, “…C’mere” taking your chin by the hand so that you eyes met. “Mel may have thought I wasn’t better…” he said, “… but she’ll never be better than you-” “Adam, I don’t care if I’m better…It’s not a competition” Your voice got emotional again, “I just want you to love me as much as I love you”

Those words, they sealed the deal when Adam swooped in, kissing you passionately on the lips. You felt the closet to being saved when those lips fed you the sweet nectar of the love you indulged from him all this time. Melting in his arms in completion, you held onto him with your dear life as he lifted you up, taking you on a spin before he put you down again. Your heart, it felt light, it felt refreshed.

“Y/N…” Adam began,  “Being with you, I spent possibly the happiest days of my life. Do I need to say more?”

Your lips quivered with emotion as you cupped his face.

“No need” you said, as your fingers traced over his goatee, “… that was more than enough”

And in a flash, his generous hand enveloped yours, providing you with the security and warmth you longed for. But more importantly, providing you with the absolute certainty of the real love you both shared for one another.

Check my MASTERLIST for More:)

[vortahoney]

Do All of the stay at home asks I want to know all these things about you >:)

Andy you want to kill me I think

1. your favorite playlist

This playlist by @girlboss-keevan either that or this playlist by me

2. how many houseplants in your room, and what kinds are they?

all my plants are outside plants, actually! I’ve got 15 tomato plants, 12 pepper plants, 10 types of herb, squash, green beans, cucumber, and corn plants :)

3. your favourite “grounding” activity

gardening, unsurprisingly. making collages, also!

4. an account on social media whose posts make you smile

galactivist on instagram. absolutely hilarious parody of those instagram infographics that treat big issues like an aesthetic

5. 5 tv shows that cheer you up

Five?? Yikes. Okay, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Gilmore Girls, Gravity Falls, On My Block, and Kim’s Convenience

6. how you get relaxed when you’re struggling to sleep

I do yoga! I’ve got one routine that’s supposed to help with getting better sleep and it’s also really good for calming down. When I can’t sleep I get really jumpy and I turn into a bigger hypochondriac than I already am, so it’s good to have something that chills me the fuck out.

7. your favourite board game

Scrabble <3

8. if you were going to write a non-fiction book on any topic, what would it be?

Probably worldbuilding in sci fi! I’m sure I could offer a lot of advice on that subject.

9. a quote you would consider getting tattooed or put in a frame.

the ‘blasphemy? before what god?’ rant from re-animator

10. something you’ve created in the last year that you’re proud of (a playlist, a piece of art, some writing, a craft hobby, a social media account, etc)

I wrote a story about body image that won a national award, i’m pretty damn proud of that

11. a tip or hack you’ve learned that makes cleaning or tidying easier

you don’t have to do it all at once

12. if you could make a candle that smelt like anything, what would you pick?

closing all the tabs on your computer after finishing a big project

13. the last so-bad-it’s-good joke you heard

what do vegan zombies eat? graaaiiiinnnnsss

14. an artist (of any kind) whose work you look forward to seeing

I recently read The Vanished Birds by Simon Jimenez and WOW was that book good. I can’t wait to read more of his stuff.

15. the last tv episode that made you laugh out loud

The Future’s End part 2 from Voyager. ‘Tuvok, what a freakosaurus!’ got to me.

16. how you wake your body up when it’s feeling tired, achy or needs a stretch

stick my face in a bowl of ice water

17. a bath, shower, beauty or toiletry product that makes you feel revived, or that you always re-order when it’s running out

cerave hydrating face cleanser. It’s really good for feeling clean :)

18. a book series you can always escape in

Scythe by Neil Schusterman. It’s an odd one but I like it a lot.

19. the sport or exercise you enjoy the most, and what’s helped you get better at it

weightlifting! And, I don’t really know what’s helped me get better at it. Just… doing it I suppose.

20. a skill you’ve picked up in the past few years

I’m not sure how much this counts but making herbal mixes for different situations. Right now I’m drying some pineapple sage, mint, and lavender for my mom’s birthday. They make really good gifts.

21. a YouTube video you find useful, entertaining, or relaxing

The first episode of Fantasy High by Dimension 20. Absolutely LOVE watching people play dnd (just not the action parts, that can get boring)

22. if you were going to dye your hair any colour of the rainbow, what would you choose?

teal! I like that color

23. the book you just finished and what you thought

I just finished The Vanished Birds by Simon Jimenez and I don’t think I’ve cried that much because of a book in a long time. (No spoilers but WHY Vaila, why did you do that 😭)

24. describe the most wacky, weird and wonderful at-home outfit you’ve put together

Army pants, combat boots, neon pink and blue flannel, and one of my dad’s band shirts from the eighties

25. a game you’re playing that takes your mind off things

It’s called Two Spies and it’s really fun but I’m VERY bad at it

26. the film you watched most recently that you could watch again and again

Saving Face my beloved 🥺

27. your favourite flavour and brand of tea

I don’t really have a favorite brand but I like irish breakfast tea

28. a good-will story you’ve heard on the news that’s made you feel hopeful

Norway shut down its last arctic coal mine! It’s turning the land into a national park. Obviously not going to save the world but it’s nice to know that people ARE trying to help the environment.

29. a favourite easy recipe: 5 ingredients or less, or takes less than 30 min to make

Grilled cheese sandwiches with tomato slices <3

30. a song that makes you want to have a boogie round your bedroom

Transparent Soul by Willow

[recurring-polynya]

Bleach Sword Beasts Arc Recap: Episode 258

I debated whether to recap this episode, because to be honest, it’s pretty meh. I mean, it’s fine. I have no real complaints with it. It’s just kinda... there. However, my completionist attitude toward Renji ephemera won out, so here we go.

The episode opens with Renji and Zabimaru walking out of a senkaimon while some wokka-chikka music plays, so that’s always a strong start. The first thing that happens that a frog hops by and Hebi screams “A FROG!!”

Uhhhh, I guess they are here to chase down a Sword Beast. It’s clear that Renji and Saru are here for Business, and Hebi just wants to fuck around. He begs to be let off the chain, and they agree, which, as you might guess is a mistake.

You know, just typing this made me realize what is wrong keeps this episode from greatness-- it’s that Renji just sort of puts up with Hebi’s antics with a shrug and some tired dad vibes. How much better would this be if he responded, “Oh SHIT, I love a frog! Er, oh, yeah we got a mission.” If I had written this episode, it would just be one big metaphor for Renji’s ADHD, and that’s probably why no one lets me write anime filler episodes.

LOOK AT THIS SWEET FISH HEBI CAUGHT!!

Anyway, the Sword Beast convinces Hebi that Saru and Renji are like, the man with the exact vibes of a drug dealer in a 1980′s anti-drug PSA trying to offer a kid some goofballs. “Don’t you want to be your own man?” he intones, a phrase which Hebi goes on to echo approximately 50 times throughout this episode.

I honestly need to emphasize that Saru and Renji are not the least bit oppressive to Hebi. Snakeboy literally lets the villain get away twice in 5 minutes, and Saru is like, “I gotta put you back on the leash” and the Renji tells her to let him go after he runs away.

Now that he is his own man, the first thing Hebi wants to do is the same thing every shinigami wants to do once let loose in the World of the Living, i.e., eat a bunch of kombini riceballs.

I guess this is supposed to be funny, they’re playing wacky music an’ all, but my mind went immediately to the fact that Renji spent his childhood in food insecurity.

GAAAAAH, I CAN’T STOP MAKING THIS EPISODE INTO A METAPHOR. RENJI HAS SPENT HIS ENTIRE LIFE FORCING HIMSELF INTO AN EARLY ADULTHOOD, PRIORITIZING TRAINING AND LIVING UP TO THE EXPECTATIONS OF A CLASS HE ASPIRES TO THAT GIVES HIM NOTHING IN RETURN. THE HALF OF HIS ZANPAKUTOU REPRESENTING MARTIAL STRENGTH, FEROCITY, AND DISCIPLINE IS AN ADULT AND THE HALF REPRESENTING SELF-FULFILLMENT, JOY, AND WONDER IS A CHILD KEPT UNDER LOCK AND CHAIN.

Ahem. I’m fine. I’m good.

Hebi gets rice-ball-blocked by Ichigo’s sisters, chases some pigeons, tries to score some raw meat, and lovingly watches some people eat ice cream, before meeting up with Karin and Yuzu again. Karin realizes that he must be some sort of spirit, since Yuzu can’t see him (she notes that he “dressses funny” but somehow never registers the tail) Anyway, she gives him a rice-ball and he follows her home after Yuzu offers to feed him.

It’s time for a moodily lit interlude with Renji and Saru! Renji is completely chill about half his zanpakutou wandering around the Living World, wrecking things, and asks Saru if she’s worried about him. She admits that she’s more concerned about the idea of him acting like a Sword Beast, and Renji replies “Not very honest with your feelings, eh?” What does this mean??? 

LOOK, CAN YOU IMAGINE THE SORT OF DEEP SHIT THE GOTEI WOULD BE IN IF RENJI STOPPED BEING NICE AND DECIDED TO GO APESHIT? BECAUSE YOU KNOW ALL OF THE OTHER RUKONGAI VICE-CAPTAINS WOULD BE WITH HIM?? BYAKUYA WOULD HAVE TO GO PICK UP HIS OWN BURRITO AT CHIPOTLE!! HE WOULD DIE!!! WHAT WOULD IT LOOK LIKE IF WE ALL THREW OFF THE CHAINS OF CAPITALISM??

Anyway, Ichigo wanders up and is like, “hey man, you’re missing half your zanpakutou” and Renji’s like “no big I’m sure he’ll show up” and Ichigo’s like “maybe you should get on that.”

Back to the Kurosaki Clinic! Karin tells Hebi he should hide if Ichigo or Isshin come home, and Hebi is like “Oh, you live with other people, that’s so lame, I’m my own man” and Karin is like “You can’t even feed yourself, you moron, emotional bonds are cool, get over yourself.” It is an absolutely brutal takedown, and it works immediately. NGL, I found it immensely satisfying.

Oh good, it’s time for an uncomfortable metaphor about Renji and Saru being Hebi’s parents!! Thanks, I hate it!! IS THIS A METAPHOR ABOUT SELF-CARE? DOES RENJI INTENTIONALLY PROVIDE THE EMOTIONAL SUPPORT FOR HIMSELF THAT HE NEVER RECEIVED AS A CHILD?? THIS IS VERY HEALTHY TBH, MAYBE RENJI HAS ACTUALLY BEEN TO THERAPY???

Yuzu gives Hebi Ichigo’s flan. They try to play Nintendo and board games, which proves to be an abject failure, and then end up watching some weird stand-up on tv, which Hebi finds fascinating.  Everyone falls asleep by the time Ichigo gets home, so much for hiding from Ichi-nii.

Time out to talk about the fact that someone in this scene should recognize each other. Ichigo’s sisters have met Renji at least twice in non-canon (Sealed Soul Frenzy and the Bount Arc) and it’s highly possible they met him off-panel sometime during the Advance Team Arc. Even if Karin thinks Hebi is referring to some other Renji, it is inconceivable to me that Hebi doesn’t know who Ichigo is. This entire arc seems to presume that the zanpakutou have absolutely no awareness of what goes on outside of a shinigami’s inner world, but we’ve seen Zangetsu manifest and talk to Ichigo, like during his fight with Zaraki. Ichigo and Renji trained for bankai together. Zabimaru was THERE . It’s just extremely stupid to me thta Hebi wouldn’t recognize him when he shows up a little later on.

Back to the episode. Ichigo flicks Hebi in the forehead and asks “What are you doing in my house?” Ichigo tells Hebi that he’s a substitute soul reaper and Hebi feels betrayed and runs away. He immediately runs into the Sword Beast who is like “How do you like being your own man?” and Hebi is like, “it sucks actually, a cute girl I just met taught me that” and they fight. Karin shows up, gets knocked out, it’s looking pretty bad, when Renji shows up to save him and shoot him an Extremely Dad Look that is just dripping with “I’m sorry you lost the soccer game today but you did your best! Let’s stop for McDonalds on the way home!”

Anyway, Saru then heavily implies that they let Hebi wander around like this because they figured the Sword Beast would try to find him again. Wow. WOW. I also want to emphasize that Hebi fought that Sword Beast for a long time and got knocked around pretty hard, wtf were you doing, Renji and Saru?? And also Ichigo, who chased him directly out of the house and then took forever to catch up??

Anyway, Hebi doesn’t seem to care, he’s just happy to be back with his parents master and other half.

Karin wakes up later and is like “Where’s Zabimaru?” and Ichigo’s all like “I definitely do not know anyone by that name” and I wish filler arcs had any continuity at all, because I would love to see this come back to bite them later.

Renji and Zabimaru stand in the sky and stare wistfully at Ichigo’s house for a while (not weird at all, why do you ask??) and Hebi’s like, “yeah, it never would have worked out”, and Renji and Saru respectfully pretend like he had some kind of chance with Karin in the first place and then they all go back to Soul Society, to much more somber music than the wokka chi-wow-wows they entered on.

This episode could have been so much better, but it also could have been so much worse, so I will just take what I can get.

It also had the extremely precious omake where Renji and Zabimaru are Good Pals! ::sob:: why couldn’t the whole episode have just been THIS???

[horrible-monstrosity]

mothermom 3 is a baaad animine

part 1: fuck these characters I thought the bit about not being able to go through a certain way because there's ants (that the player can't see) you wouldn't want to trample was going to introduce a theme of kindness and gentleness, but the game sure... tramples that early on by having your oh-so-kindhearted-and-mournable mother trample the fuck out of a sentient talking mole cricket to death right the fuck afterwards. Like, you were just talking to and playfighting with that mole mere seconds ago, and now it's thoughtlessly and meaninglessly dead, and it's supposed to be funny. And then you're supposed to forget all about it when mom dead because care and have emotions for this characters you've barely known for like one minute worth of interactions dragged out over like an hour. ok Then after bumbling along being a hollow little bag of nothing for like ten hours Lucas suddenly proves himself a detestable little cunt by just straight up stealing something he's told was a precious item, a yo-yo belonging to Porky's friend. Because, like... fuck Porky, I guess, in this geame franchise about love and heart and healing there's just this one fat kid we're all supposed to just disregard and piss and shit on and detest by default for no fucking reason just because the game narrative said so. Porky's existence was pretty weird already in Earthbound- he's apparently being abused by his fat parents, and aside from being a bit snotty and show-offy, he does at least make sure his little brother gets home safely at the beginning. He just seems like someone who needs a friend, which... actually makes Ness look like an asshole in retrospect for not just giving him some kind of help. It was kind of fine in that game because he was just a minor character, but making him some supervillain in the next game just because he was some dumpy abused kid is just... what the fuck. But anyway, whenever the plot expects us to care about Loocus and his dumb dead mom I just think about things like the yo-yo and the mole cricket and I lose all empathy. These people are assholes. You're trying to make sympathetic victims out of assholes and an asshole out of a sympathetic victim. Get your meaningless fucking sunflowers the fuck off my screen you bitch fuck

And then on the other hand there's Duster. The character who's absolutely the most deserving of empathy out of all these cunts and we're supposed to see him reembracing his shitty old life as something he should be really happy about. Like for one thing, the entire plot where he reenters the cast is stupid and makes no sense. When we hear he's at the club playing with the band, I could think of a lot of reasons for it- he could be laying low to protect the egg (seeing as how Tamzilly got pozzed and going back there would accomplish nothing), he could have just decided to fuck off and do something he actually enjoyed rather than go back to his shitty asshole dad, he could have somehow ended up far far away from the town and joined the band to make his way back home travelling with them/earn a living so he could get back. But no, before we even get to see him and see how he's acting Strong Female McDerpa Character tells us that he most definitely has amnesia. Because, like, why would he ever give up on his jackass dad and that braindead town otherwise? And then we meet him and it's exactly what we were unceremonously told it was, how rivetting. Then for some reason he decides that if he's really who you say he is he needs to... give up his life as a band member entirely to get the egg back. Can't just come with you to get the egg or until the adventure's over, nooo he needs to abandon his new life forever and ever and just go get fucked and fuck himself. fuck. let my man play guitar and also that "thiefs but good somehow because derp" shit is retarded and I hate it

Finally there's Girl Character who I refuse to even remember the name of because she's... nothing. Even her being kinda cunty about how she's sTrOnG and nOt lIkE ThoSe OthEr gIrlS is just bland. The other girls from the past two games were cute and girly and still credit to team with their strong psychic powers, why the fuck is she like this?

part 2: i've stopped giving a fuck about making this into parts fuck you What the fuck is the story of this game? You spend hours dicking around with a fucking timeskip and a ghost mansion or some shit and the game randomly namedrops the needles at some point, and then... the six or seventh chapter is just titled GUYS THE NEEDLES ARE ACTUALLY REALLY IMPORTANT YOU GUYS. Six or seven fucking chapters in, and we've barely gotten to anything resembling a coherent plot. What the fuck have we been doing up until this point again? Why the fuck do we even need the dragon needles plot anyway? Just have the main cast move from one pigmeng plot to another with things like the thunder tower, slowly working their way up the chain of command until they reach the final boss and his ultimate plan. You don't need to introduce an entire plot worth of fucking shit a third of the way into the game you fucking fuckers

The themes are a fucking dumpsterfire. Just plop some fucktarded work bad money bad bullshit in there and call it a day... Evil monkey man could have given that fucktard anything and got him to hide it in the well and it would have caused a ruckus when he came back and stole it. He could have convinced him to hide his grandma's ashes in the well- would the takeaway from that have been that honoring the dead bad? That's how fucking flat it is. If anything it just comes off as if the people of Tamzilly are just a bunch of mindkilled retards with no defence against humanity's own nature aside from shutting themselves off from the outside world entirely- the slightest contact with normal human interactions like money or having to contribute to society for a living, they all self-destruct. It's not le capitalism that made the old people home bad, it's whoever the fuck actually built it... which, if the outside world weren't basically strawmanned with the le evil pigmans and monkey abuser guy, would have been Tamzilly themselves. Which, because the strawmanning is so unbelievably absurd, makes it seem like Tazmilly is just a retarded place that somehow managed to make the old people's home this bad on their own or some shit I don't know I just can't buy it

Speaking of empathy, the game somehow manages to make the Pig Heil guys endearing even while they're actively working on the thunder tower that's cooking the dumbass town residents. Are they supposed to be abusing the electric catfish when they're cutely telling the things to hang in there and do their best? When Lucas got a jerb hustling the golems around and they managed to make it like a positive thing (the pigmangs encourage you, seemingly pay a decent wage, and even the doggo enjoys running on the treadmill once he gets into it), I thought there was going to be a tweest or at least some nuance, but the absurdity of the nice ol' piglins in the evil tower just makes it seem like it's just entirely unintentional, by writers who just have no idea what the fuck they're doing. The generic braindead modern-bad messaging and the generic brainless funny-characters-ha-ha sides of the writing clash horribly and somehow manage to mangle each other even worse than they already were.

The whimsicality is fucking dead. It's just all so forced and one-note... or, very consistently two-note in every single thing, because absolutely every single monster you meet is just two things funny stuck together. The first two games could glide smoothly between fighting enraged possessed zoo animals and weirdo people, weirdo fucking blended monsters that don't look like anything in particular, and then just sometimes the taxis that're used for decoration on roads will veer off course and engage you in battle. It's simultaneously wildly unpredictable and smoothly cohesive. And it's wonderful. But M3 is just... it leans over, shoves a megaphone down your throat and loudly informs you that "the PIGMEN have FUSED the THINGS toGETHER" and proceeds to beat you over the head with "this thing is THAT thing and THAT thing" over and over again. It's forced, mechanical, hamfisted and just not whimsical at all. And it's not just because the pigmengs aren't Giiigigigigiyasass (which could have been fixed by having them harness traces of Gig's power if that was the problem anyway), because it extends to absolutely everything- the ghosts at the mansion for example are just all absolutely fucking nothing. Like the main big bad boss is just "he's GHOST who THROWS FURNITURE and is BEETHOVEN and plays BEETHOVEN MUSIC". Because Beethoven is old thing therefore old mansion and ghosts, geddit? How fucking pathetic. Oh there's another thing, the weird aliens/conspiracy bent the first two games had is gone entirely. That's something that really helped it feel so wild yet at the same time cohesive... Actually, the game also seems to have done away with the surprise overworld sprite encounters like the aforementioned taxis. ... No wait that's right, they blew their load in the first levels with the rock lizards, which were fucking boring.

The dialogue fucking sucks. just fucking drags the fuck on endlessly for fucking ever to say barely anything, and barely anything you need to actually hear. Did Earthbound ever stop you to inform you that the TAXIS are AFFECTED by GIGUDUGDSAS like you couldn't figure that out yourself? No, they say Gigi's affected shit in a couple sentences near the beginning and let the rest of it speak for itself, pretty much. It's hard to give exact examples because I can't fucking remember any of this shit because it just slides right off my brain like ducks off of water, it's so bland and pointless. The sparrows drone on endlessly with worthless tutorial shit and then take an entire extra sentence to chirp at you and remind you that it's talking animals oh wow wacky!!!!!!! And when Duster decides he really is what you say he is he stands there going "ME IS DUSTER" over and over again like he's fucking Bimpson. You don't have anything interesting to say about finally figuring out who you really are? Okay... There's multiple fucking scenes of slow-scrolling walls of fucking text telling you absolutely nothng you don't already know except that the writers are wanking the fuck off over their own dumbass writing where in Earthbound there was like one scene of this towards the end that really just set up the emotions of the final sequences and underlined how far you'd come and shit and was a good moment of reflection and shit.

I also find it exceptionally intersting that all the people in Tazmilly before the timeskip have names and unique appearances, but anyone who only shows up after is just some generic design called "Man" or "Woman" or what have you. It feels weirdly dehumanizing towards outsiders.

This game fucking feels like the writers just fucking dumped a bunch of absolute shit down like they expected everyone to just eat it up, either because of the success of the previous games or because of the emotional manipulation the plot is laced with. The characters are all either detestable cunts or desperately need to be airlifted out into a better game pronto. And it's unsettlingly... modern in what's wrong with it. The capitalism-bad-tradition-good-mindkill-yourself messaging, the spunky female character(tm) who rubs it in your face how strongk she is (and who keeps talking even when you're controlling her while the other characters all become silent protagonists)... even the weirdly random spite towards characters the narrative has decided aren't "deserving" enough, or characters only being allowed to handle said spite and retain sympathy by cucking to it completely (Duster)... I suppose that's just a sign that these sorts of writing problems and hangups are older than that and have just become more popular/visible in recent times, but it's still really fucking weird to see.

I feel like I should be concerned that the team behind the Earthbound series also started Gamefreak and created Pokemon, though since the split obviously happened before Mo 3 I don't know how much overlap there is between staff members there specifically... seeing as how these exact same sort of writing problems have started to rear their heads in the Pokemon franchise, starting weakly in gen 6 (cough zinnia cough abandoned ship plotline cough) and absolutely fucking exploding in 7 (cough LILLIE COUHG FUCKING TAPUS COUGH AGAG V HIC CUFGH VOMIT AAGHK); I haven't yet fully witnessed gen 8 but everything I've seen of it so far looks no better, except there's no shill character (Marnie is just kinda... there), just suffering. But that's all for another post.

welp time to go watch the remainder of the game until my brain rots off

[bondsmagii]

🌻🌻🌻

new ask game send me a 🌻 and ill just tell you whatever the fuck i want

lowkey stealing this idea partially from @wintermutal as least as far as songs go but here’s three songs and some really random memories I have associated with them.

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so this song was everywhere when I was younger but I remember it most vividly from a car ride when I was about 13. I was Quite The Delinquent™ at that time and I had been in constant trouble at school for the whole year, and I was also a total Asshole With Attitude™ and my long-suffering guardians decided that Drastic Measures™ needed to be taken.

something that is very important for you to understand at this point is that I was totally obsessed with Green Day at the time. I mean, they were my life. I was consumed. I was possessed with all the passion of a 13-year-old emo for this band. my room was covered in posters. my notebooks were covered with lyrics. I never went anywhere without my Walkman and American Idiot was the constantly playing album. (I played that album so much I wrecked one and had to buy another -- this was back in the day where CDs would get scratched up because they’d get jostled as you walked.) quite literally I was addicted to this band. I thought of nothing else and listened to no-one else.

well, as punishment... my dear guardians confiscated every Green Day thing I owned. they took my posters. they took all my CDs. they even found the tiny little badges I’d pinned on the inside of my school jacket. everything was gone. I’ll spare you the gory details of the mental breakdown because it wasn’t pretty -- the only bit you need to know is the dramatic moment where I was threatening to run away and the person who was acting in the role of Mother™ that month said, equally dramatically, “if you can’t behave for us, behave for them!”. really wish I could re-watch that moment now because holy god, how over the top. but anyway, the deal was if I got my act together I could get my Green Day shit back in a week. 

moving on to this song. a couple of hours after this incident we had to go grocery shopping. I obviously had to come along, and I was distraught because usually I’d be in the back listening to Green Day and now I was going to have to listen to the BORING ADULT MUSIC with the BORING ADULTS. I’m sitting in the back looking like a prisoner being led to my execution and this song comes on as we back out of the drive. about a minute into the song it began to rain, which added to the drama. I leaned my head against the window and watched the raindrops running down the window, and I thought to myself you know, thematically, this song is pretty good for the current situation. it’s regretful, a bit morose. it got me thinking about the tough week ahead of me, and with all the hopelessness that you have at that age facing something as long as a week, I gave in to the sheer despair running through me and reached out to dramatically trace my finger down a raindrop on the window as I blinked back tears.

don’t get me wrong, I still like Green Day now. but christ, I came outta the womb a dramatic bitch.

undefined

so this song is an absolute banger and I listened to it all the time when I was about 16. for those of you just tuning in, I’m Irish and went to school in the north -- if any of you have tuned into Derry Girls it was basically that except my school was boys and girls. I was Michelle. sure none of you are surprised. anyway.

to cut an extremely long story short (if you want the full story please hit me up because it’s golden) my school and another school had to go on a like, team-building thing because of the civil war and we’re Catholic and they’re Protestant and apparently if you get The Youths together we’ll won’t kill one another once we reach adulthood. seems good in theory but unfortunately they brought us to this outdoor activity camp where we have to abseil and rope climb and fucking cave, in the fucking rain, and we didn’t just want to kill one another but rather every fucking person involved. things got worse until an absolutely disastrous caving experience (which did admittedly result in some cross-community bonding) but really the whole day was fucking nightmarish. we were wet, we were cold, we were being constantly exposed to heights, our safety device was to be tied to a rope and let the kids from the other school hold it and just hope they didn’t let us fall to our deaths... can I remind you that our communities were at war and had been at war for 30 years at that point and our grandpas had probably killed each other or some shit? it was stressful.

anyway, something that’s very important to culture there is singing. the Catholics especially. we have a whole load of rebel songs about killing the British and all that fun stuff, and the Protestants have a few (much more mediocre) (sorry guys but nothing you have slaps as hard as Come Out Ye Black and Tans) songs of their own, and after we got back from the caving disaster and found all our teachers sitting in the fucking warm drinking tea, we’d had enough. this song was on the radio constantly, we all knew it, and me and a guy from the other school (both of us possessing a talent for re-working song lyrics) ended up re-writing this entire song into a rant about the trip. unfortunately I cannot remember most of the lyrics now, but I do know it included a verse about how “in five years’ time” our frozen corpses would be discovered in that fucking cave.

undefined

this song is the soundtrack to one of the most subtly unbelievable moments of my life, and that’s strange coming from me considering on the surface it was very normal but for me, someone who has near constant paranormal experiences and has been widely believed from childhood to be a witch, it qualifies as unbelievable.

I’m sure everyone has had a moment in their life where they’re like “wow, this is literally like a movie”. this song is the soundtrack to that moment for me. again for those of you just joining me I have had a fairly fucked up life in some respects, and this lead to a few months of homelessness one summer. I crashed with some friends for a couple of weeks while waiting for my then-friend now-husband @vestriis to come up and meet me in Scotland, where he was going to join me as I turned said homelessness into a roadtrip around the country, urbexing and checking out haunted places as we went (that’s yet another story) and for those entire two weeks my life was one of those summer teen movies where they all live in a small town and get up to wacky adventures and they’re all slightly edgy but ultimately good fun, etc. this is something I had never experienced before because I moved around so much as a kid and never got to make like, actual friends, so having a group to roam around and be feral with was insane.

one of my friends from this time period was very musically-inclined, as was I, as was some other mutual friends. we would jam together with an assortment of instruments, and he and his friend were working on a cover of this song (which was fairly new at the time). it’s a kickass song and it’s challenging in a fun way to sing, so I’d help him practise when the other friend wasn’t around, and then one evening we all found ourselves at this other friend’s house and we ended up playing a bunch of songs together and then finally we belted out this one. by this point it was late, and people were coming home from the pubs; we were at their third-floor window, both of which were thrown open to let the summer air in, and I was sitting in the window seat writing and occasionally joining in the singing. our friend was on guitar and we were having the best jam session yet, summer air and the city streets below us, and then we realised a bunch of drunk people were cheering and clapping us from the street. like, when does this happen outside of a movie? when are you sharing drinks basically on a rooftop with your friends in a summer that seems endless, playing music and actually being fairly decent about it and having people clap? it sounds like something that would be in a YA romance novel when the protagonists finally fall in love but actually we just got fish and chips and my friend taught me to play the ukulele enough that I could torment our other roommates once he’d moved out.

and this was just how the summer began. I spent the rest of that summer with my future husband, living in my car and urban exploring, and then living in London for the final month. every time I hear this song I just remember that summer and how it kind of was endless because I still think about it now, and I can still feel how it felt.

[jlf23tumble]

Episode 14 made me incredibly sad that my judging ot3 is no more, booooo, but it also cemented how much this whole thing is rigged, so I’m here for it. I mean, it’s pretty obvious both from the edit itself and from the connections behind the contestants getting through to the live shows, but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the primo Louis content and the general garbage I’m here for! This recap is dedicated to @newleafover and @justlarried in particular and to anyone else who finds it all as entertaining as I do, too. I promise, they’ll be shorter after this!

Louis’s been told who to put through (Brendan), and he’ll do it (of course he will, he’s a pro), but I’d bet solid $$ he’s also doing whatever he can to help the ones he had to boot (J SOL) on the DL.

We pick up where we left off last night, with rosy-cheeked Brendan. "I'm excited about this," whispers Liam before Brendan starts. ORLY? Not me, I’m increasingly annoyed by him, lmao. Nile’s face as this performance goes on gives me life because it more or less telegraphs, “This kid? This one's the one Simon wants to win this bullshit? Alrighty then.”

Me as Liam midway through this performance (his commentary at the end of it = “Really great, really great”):

Everything about this show is heavily, ham-fistedly edited, and I have to believe some of these facial expressions are copied/pasted from other performances because you literally cannot bop your head to the slowest version ever of “Nothing Compares 2 U,” Liam.

Anyway, when it’s over, Nile announces, “That song was written by a dear friend,” and god, it only reminds me of just how many people he’s worked with, the career he’s had. I can only pray that all three of them had incredibly deep conversations throughout the rest of the night, sigh.

Will I ever tire of Dermot looking vaguely hot and telling us super obvious shit, like, “Now comes the hard part, where Louis, Nile, and Liam have to decide which four go through to the live shows.” (spoiler: no):

Will I ever tire of Louis and Liam low-key bickering and talking over each other about trivial things? (spoiler: hellz no):

Nile says, “I'll have to be honest with you, man, I wouldn't want to be in your shoes,” and I laff and laff because I read it on at least three levels.

CAN I DIE NOW because Louis is seemingly the only judge who hangs out with Dermot (related: someone buy these blue-eyed British boys some shades, and Dermot some sunscreen):

This is a farce, but Louis is ethereal, holy shit, he’s so emotional, so connected to all of these boys and what this ultimately means to them. Dalton is in (yay!), Thomas is out (boo, and boy, is he beet-red from both the sun and emotions), Armstrong is in, J Sol is out (BOO), Anthony is in (meh), and Brendan is in (MEH).

The best part of the chat with Brendan was Louis fairly emotionlessly saying, “I thought long and hard about this decision,” lmaooooooo. The other best part is that Brendan is the only one we see talking to his family about this shockingly great news, thanks, editors--got it!

Shitty editing means that the feedback overlaps among the boys, so you can't tell who Louis’s talking to or about, but on the plus side, lots of coodles with thumbs planted firmly in shoulders, no matter if the person is in or out. I also love hearing his “hahahahahaha,” and the occasional "loads of love" complete with Harry Styles-style bow.

After Mark Wahlberg’s British cousin Anthony is in, we get a lot of tears (and WOW, does Louis look like his mum in this whole segment :-\ ), a spot-on Anthony impression, Anthony kissing his neck, and something you won’t see on various other blogs, ahem:

Godspeed, Liam, sobbbbb, I miss you and your eyebrows and your gold watch so goddamned much:

We head back to Ayda/Robbie’s house for the overs, and I’ll keep this short because I really, REALLY do not care. Except to say I bet Ayda wishes Liam’s album had been released in time for this fancy pool party (in which nobody swims because it’s literally designed for children):

Ayda’s group does yoga outside because of course they do, and it’s meant to be wacky, loony fun based on the shitty music/edit, but it’s more pointless than anything else. I soothe myself during all of this by thinking about that pool, sigh:

The guest judges are Leona Lewis and Adam Lambert, who are both beautiful (Adam especially) and about ten thousand times more helpful than David Walliams, I mean, these two at least have lived it. And speaking of David, I’m still not over the entire leather daddy thing last night at Robbie’s house, and how it seemed to be played off as a joke? Was that a fever dream? Who else saw that and wants to explain it to me??

Anyway, back to Ayda, and I’m bored thinking about the overs, so here’s a real brief rundown: Janice and Ola were both outstanding; Ricky and Louise were both boring; Gio is ~not my fave, he looks like carrot top cosplaying Harry Styles, and I keep hearing Louis from the auditions describing his act as more musical theater than actual rock, and I’ve never felt more connected to him, sigh. Danny is very sunburned and sweaty, but he does all right...feels Bradford wedding singer to me, which is what I think he is? Very on brand, lol.

Thank Christ the actual singing is over, so we can get to the good stuff, i.e., Dermot in a tight v-neck sweater whispering in Ayda's backyard, and all the contestants pensively wandering the estate in the dark (I don’t know why it’s so hilarious, but it really, REALLY is):

I low-key want Ayda’s (knock-off) Versace...maybe it's real? Who cares, I love it, and here she is, instantly regretting putting Gio through:

Anyway, Janice, Ola, Danny, and fucking GIO are in, and  Ricky and Louise are out (this is so noncontroversial as to seem obvious).

In lots of ways, the overs are channeling Harry’s fashion from years gone by, so it seems kind of fitting to hear “Sign of the Times” in the background (I’m glad Harry gets some $$). “Gotta get away from here…” LMAOOOOOOOOO.

Next week are the live shows, and I can’t wait to see what happens! Nothing really will, but Louis’s promising fun times, so I’m there. Except I’m not because I have a house guest in town, and he’s a massive Harry fan, but I doubt I can make him watch this garbage show, so my recap will come on Tuesday.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 226: Oh Shit We’re Caught Up

Previously on BnHA: The still-captured Giran warned Re-Des that the League wasn’t going to give a shit about rescuing him, and reminded him that if the League sicced a Noumu on the Army they were as good as dead. But Re-Des was all “nah they don’t have any Noumus to sic at the moment” and give an annoyingly thorough summary of his deductive reasoning. Meanwhile in the town, Kizuki, a.k.a. the Rita Skeeter of BnHA, pestered Toga for an interview. She seemed to have done her research, too -- she knew Toga’s age, and that she ran away from home after graduating middle school. None of Toga’s friends or family saw it coming, apparently, and Kizuki -- whose quirk allows her to turn anything she touches into a bomb -- wanted to know the deal. She allowed Toga to suck up some of her subordinates’ blood, then promptly exploded it. She then asked Toga why she’d abandoned her normal life. In response, Toga smiled one of her crazy smiles and was all “a normal life? what’s that?” Lol okay. Anyway, the last few pages were peppered with as-yet-unexplained flashback scenes, so I’m guessing we’re about to find out just what makes this girl tick at long last.

Today on BnHA: We explore Toga’s backstory in a series of flashbacks. Basically her quirk gave her a fascination for blood which her quirk counseling never properly addressed, and so one day she just snapped and killed a dude. But she was such a cute little kid though. Whatever Toga I still love you. Anyway, so back in the present, Kizuki tries to psychoanalyze Toga and makes her out to be a victim of a society that doesn’t have a place for her. Kizuki says that Toga will become a martyr for the Liberation Army’s cause. But Toga is all “fuck that” and breaks free of Kizuki’s clutches, transforming into Ochako using the last of the blood she took back during the forest arc. Kizuki mocks the seemingly useless transformation, stating that she knows Toga can only change her appearance on the outside. Unfortunately for Kizuki, this isn’t entirely the case, as it’s revealed that while transformed, Toga is able to use the quirks of whoever she turns into. She proceeds to float Kizuki way up into the air and then release her, splattering her onto the ground. Like, she’s definitely dead now, oh shit. Anyways so it’s pretty awesome, albeit grisly as all heck. Now to wait for the rest of the League to follow suit and kick some Liberation Army ass.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my mostly-unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’m caught up with the manga now at chapter 226, which, wait, this is chapter 226. Oh shit lol. But I’m posting this a week after I first read the chapter so any ETAs will reflect that.)

okay so we’re opening with a flashback to a news story or something?

injured but didn’t kill? that doesn’t sound like the Toga we all know and love :’)

hey what the

is Toga not her real name??? didn’t we get confirmation from Gran Torino back during the Pizza Delivery mission? what’s up with that

(ETA: this is really weird, though. they never once refer to her by name during any of the flashback scenes. maybe this is just for stylistic purposes? I don’t think her name is supposed to be any sort of big secret but who knows?)

anyway so yeah

that just means she lub him, guys. that’s just how she is. poor Saito

(ETA: btw Caleb Cook pointed out on his Twitter that this looks to be the Deku lookalike from the previous chapter. so if he was one of AFO’s kids, that’s kind of interesting that AFO had no issue with Tomura hiring his son’s killer later on. I don’t personally think there was any AFO relation though.)

oh wow

rude. that’s my best girl you’re talking about. she’s just a little vampirish, what? Vlad King can make people’s blood fucking do tricks, and you don’t see anyone accusing *him* of being devil spawn. smh

awwwww

cats do this all the time and people fucking love cats! I’m telling you, these are double standards!

oh hey we’re back in the present

so Kizuki is all “so you think you’re living normally? lol you weirdo” basically

and she’s looking at the smiling blood-covered Toga and is all “so this is your ‘true face’“

she’s calling her “the very embodiment of the dark side of superhuman society.” girl what

okay look, I’m not saying Toga doesn’t have a screw or two loose. and yes, she is very fond of blood. but if we’re going to call someone the literal embodiment of the dark side of society then can I interest you in a few other choice candidates, though?? Toga is what we like to call Mostly Evil. there’s a big difference between Mostly Evil and All Evil! Mostly Evil is Slightly Good! whereas with All Evil, well, with All Evil there’s usually only one thing you can do. (accuse them of being the protagonist’s Secret Dad.)

anyways

nooooo my sweet demented child is coughing and teetering onto the ground

jesus it’s almost like she’s been FUCKING BLOWN UP FROM THE INSIDE OUT good grief

and now Kizuki is all “you poor thing.” hey Kizuki you can fuck off right now thanks

HEY

LADY UNLESS YOU WANT TO CATCH THESE HANDS YOU HAD BETTER STEP AWAY FROM MY POOR HURT CHILD AND STOP TOUCHING HER FUCKING FACE

-- oh shit, though!!

[flips open notebook; clicks pen] don’t mind me lady please continue

I mean, I would imagine one of the goals of the program would be to embrace the fact that you’re different. that’s hardly an isolating thing in a society like this one where everyone is so unique that the established word for their superpowers literally means “individuality”

(ETA: on a reread, it actually sounds like the program is intended to do just the opposite of that and the goal is to get everyone to fit in. how the hell they expect to accomplish that in a society where everyone has wacky abilities is beyond me! no wonder the program has issues if this really is the case though.)

but anyways I’m sorry to interrupt, please keep talking about quirk counseling and how it didn’t work for Toga while I sit here and quietly take my notes

you guys oh no she’s too damn cute. I can’t

oh boy

?? and why the hell not, though? sure it might freak some people out that she likes her steaks a little rarer than most, but I don’t see why they couldn’t have accommodated this the same as any other quirk. people donate blood all the time; couldn’t she have gotten a legal supply for her own medical needs? the live animals and such are a bit weird, true, but again, it’s not all that different from what your cat would get up to given half the chance. I feel like they could have found other outlets for her to channel some of that bloodlust, while helping to sate any physical cravings with the aforementioned donated blood supply. if you ask me, whoever counseled her dropped the ball honestly

(ETA: and her parents, too. this makes me want to rewatch the first season of Dexter actually. too bad Toga’s parents weren’t like Dexter’s dad.)

anyway let’s watch society fail poor Toga

well that didn’t take long

see this seriously doesn’t make any sense to me though. IT’S QUIRK SOCIETY, GUYS. NO ONE IS FUCKING NORMAL. WHY CAN’T YOU BE BETTER PARENTS. HOW ABOUT THAT ONE THOUGH

I honestly can’t decide if I’m glad we got more insight into Toga’s headspace, or annoyed that they went and gave her Secret Angst. the problem is I don’t think she needed Secret Angst in order to be a good character, or a likable one. I’m not so sure I really like the implication here that It’s Not Toga’s Fault, Because Society Failed Her. like, I’ve talked about my feelings on this kind of thing before. I prefer It Is Her Fault But She Owns It Though. just because I like when characters take responsibility for their own shit and it’s not just excused or handwaved

but on the other hand, Toga is the type of character who doesn’t need redemption so much as rehabilitation. so it is good to get some kind of an idea as to why she went off the rocker, in that respect. idk. I have mixed feelings, maybe by the time I post this recap I’ll have sorted it out more in my head lol

(ETA: yeah so after reflecting on it some more, it’s more like she was always the way she is, and was just repressing it, and then one day got tired of repressing it. being told she should act one way when she felt like her true self was someone totally different. so it’s not really “society fucked her up” so much as “she was already a little kooky and they just failed to properly address it until it was too late.” so that’s fine, I guess. it’s about what I expected. and hey, at least we got some cute Baby Toga scenes out of the bargain, so.)

anyway now Toga’s making to stab Kizuki and shouting at her to shut up. oh damn

OH DAMN

(ETA: oh you might want to be careful with that Detnerat merch though, lady. seems to be on par with Hammer Tech in terms of reliability.)

DID YOU BLOW UP TOGA’S FUCKING FACE HOLY FUCK

HOLY SHIT SHE REALLY DID

if that’s the case then why are you guys trying to kill her

oh for fuck’s

said sacred text will gloss over exactly how she died though, I suppose? you guys are such fucking hypocrites. you act like you’re the saviors of the world bringing freedom to everyone, but those ideals only seem to hold up so long as they’re convenient. “blah blah blah society is so evil and doesn’t care about people like you. meanwhile we will straight up murder your ass, but never fear, your death will help ensure that no one else has to endure the cruelty of this apathetic world”

like, imagine beating someone with a stick, while screaming at them about how society wants to beat them with a lot more sticks just like this, but not to worry though because their death will make sure no more people get beaten to death with sticks by society. I’m really bad with metaphors you guys, but do you feel me though? just, fuck these guys so hard

I like that Kizuki apparently seems to think Toga is actually dead, though, because honestly. she should be, lol

...or maybe she doesn’t think that, because now she’s asking Toga to correct her if she made any mistakes with her conjectures

and Toga is rolling out of her grasp and ducking off!

GO TOGA!! RUN LIKE THE WIND! I DON’T LIKE HER EITHER! EXACTLY, YOU’RE NOT UNFORTUNATE, THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN SAYING. she’s trying to make you out to be some helpless little victim, but it’s like, bitch, she chose to be evil in order to live her best life so go fuck yourself

TOGAAAAAA

THANK YOU!!! FUCK OFF WITH THAT SECRET ANGST BULLSHIT. STOP ACCUSING HER OF FAKING IT LIKE YOU KNOW HER SO DAMN WELL

she says that just as everyone else kisses people that they like, she sucks blood from the people she likes

EYYYYYYYYY

YESSSSSSSSS TOGA THIS IS WHY YOU’RE MY BEST GIRL

oh my god. okay so someone sent me an anon ask early Thursday afternoon (ETA: this was last Thursday April 25; I read the chapter on the 26th) to the effect of “the mystery has been solved; she CAN use quirks”, so I’m getting an inkling that we’re about to see Toga do some zero gravity bullshit and I’m here for it. but unfortunately I’m spoiled for it. please give me time to read the new chapters when they come out, guys. since I’m writing down my reactions, I’m not able to just read the manga on my phone as soon as chapters come out; the whole process takes me a good hour or two usually, and I prefer to read on my computer since the keyboard comes in handy when I’m typing out a novel in response to whatever bullshit is happening lol. so with work and everything, that usually means I don’t get around to it until the late afternoon/evening most of the time

anyways I know I probably sound bitchy but it’s not really a big deal. but I just wanted to bring this up now, because if and when Horikoshi finally reveals Kacchan’s hero name 17 years from now and I get spoiled on that before I read it, that’ll be a different story lol. I will rampage, guys. or more likely I’ll just learn to turn my asks off on Thursdays and Fridays until the chapter is read! anyways!

-- hold up, quick question, can Toga heal herself by transforming into someone else?? it just occurred to me, and I need to know right this instant

so Kizuki is all “I see, you keep a stock of blood!” and I was like “duh” but then I remembered Kizuki didn’t read the Basement arc. so

oh

well that answers that. shoot

-- except hold up, again! because Spoiled Me knows that’s not actually the case! she can use quirks too! so maybe it can heal her. I mean, this lady didn’t even know until one chapter ago that Toga used blood to transform, so I don’t know where she’s getting all this “I’m well aware!” bullshit from. you don’t know shit

so she’s laughing and mocking Toga and saying she probably just wanted to look cute when she dies

...I mean, I was about to get indignant, but in all honestly why did Toga transform into her though?

so basically she transformed into her because she envies her? is that why she listed her on her list of People She Officially Likes?

but her saying that she wants to get closer to the person she loves makes me think she hasn’t given up. if she’s anything like All Might (you know, because everyone is always comparing Toga to All Might), thinking about Izuku is probably helping motivate her to stay alive!

lol, yep

and oh shit I think the thing is happening!!

holy fucking shit, wait up. I was all “so what, she’s going to float her to death?” and then it all of a sudden occurred to me just how fucking deadly Ochako’s power actually is, which I never thought about before because this deadly power was safely in the hands of the sweetest, kindest girl in existence who’s never tried to use it for anything remotely sinister aside from that one time she tried to crush Bakugou with hundreds of rocks

but like, she could float her all the way out into space, if she wanted! but the much more likely option, especially given that this is a series where falling from things actually hurts, is that she could simply float her up and then fucking splatter her on the ground holy shit

aaaaaaand up she goes!

yeah that’s right lady. “only her appearance changes” my ass

holy shit

SHE’S ALREADY SO HIGH, HOLY FUCK THIS IS TERRIFYING SHE REALLY IS GOING TO DROP HER ISN’T SHE

now she’s running around and tagging all the rest of them too!

holy shit!!!! I can’t! my brain’s going like a mile a minute because not only did Toga just get 1000% deadlier, but Ochako did too, retroactively! and just, so much newfound respect and awe for my girls

HOLY SHIT

SHE DIDN’T EVEN KNOW??! you seriously never once realized this this entire time??

quirk counseling has failed her in more ways than one. she could have gone to U.A.! she could have made an amazing hero. honestly she still could aside from the fact that she doesn’t want to. (and also, y’know. the murders. and such)

ahhhh now she’s coughing up blood, so I guess that’s a no on the “can she heal” question then

honestly that makes no sense if it only transforms her on the outside. half of the outside is based off of what’s inside! if you’re changing appearances that should mean your entire body transforms. particularly if she can use quirks! it means her DNA is transforming too

but whatever, for the sake of enjoying the story I’ll just shut up about this now though

anyway so Kizuki is all “it can’t be”, just as thousands of villains have said before her, usually immediately after it was incontrovertibly proven to them that Yes It Can Be Though

she’s asking if Ochako’s quirk got stronger just now because of her fear of death

and Toga is all “nope”

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT

SHE DID FUCKING SPLATTER HER, HOLY SHIT!? HORIKOSHI “LET’S CHOP OFF ALL FIVE OF HIS FINGERS!” KOUHEI STRIKES AGAIN

and fucking lol at Toga thinking she’s just like Izuku because her body is all beaten up and dying. :’D Deku you’re such a terrible role model

and so I guess she’s fully on board with Tomura’s whole “destroy everything” plan now, then. well shit. I wonder how quickly they’ll be able to heal her up. what with her being so absurdly powerful all of a sudden, I wonder if her injuries will have a lasting effect on her ability to use her quirk, similar to what happened to Aizawa after USJ. might be a good idea honestly

lastly, “cute is evil” makes absolutely no sense, but damned if I’m not 100% on board with that slogan. just something about it that I like. or maybe it’s just due to the context here, lol. whatever it is, I’d buy a coffee mug with that printed on it

and here we go. so that’s it for new chapters until May 10th or thereabouts. if only there was something coming out in the interim that could tide my superhero cravings over. like a new Avengers movie or some shit. lol

(ETA: I have to hand it to Endgame, it’s done its job distracting me and then some. I’ve seen it twice now and it’s just as devastating the second time! I’m just about finished working my way through the five stages of grief now though, so we’re good. but now that I’m done wallowing, I need my villain arc to come along and cheer me up again. come on Tomura. do your thing boy.)

[ladyyatexel]

more reISH business. Talking to myself about what’s happening and what I’m doing and things that are changing on their own.    I’m transcribing the junk I hand-wrote today and scraping a little extra out of it in the process. 

bonus snippet at the end of it, whoo

me: ‘man, this is taking a lot longer than last time.   ... but i guess you shouldn’t rush the decision to abduct/adopt (abdopt!) a child from the side of the road, so okay

Surprise Person Who Wants To Be In This Story is one Johnny C, who stepped out of silent bad brains and threw down some authority out of nowhere while Edgar had everyone on a tightrope above fear town fueled by his new anxiety overdrive button.

It’s one of those things that was not supposed to happen that way, but makes sense with new things that I’ve decided and will be nice for strengthening future business.  I’m trying to let myself be looser with the shape of ISH.  SWAN was easier to do in a ‘this person does this action’ kind of structure, but ISH is just like ‘I don’t care who, as long as SOMEONE does this, we’re good.’  It’s been weird to see who steps up to do what.  

I have to keep an eye on Devi and make sure she gets to do things properly.  She has a tendency to be so annoyed and aloof that she’s too irritated to participate in the shenanigans fully and I don’t want her to lag behind anybody development-wise. 

So far, Tenna is humor defense-mechanism-ing hardcore.  Some of her wacky is just Tenna, but some of it is, ‘wow, i’m terrified! :D’   I hope the difference will be visible just a little.   

I was worried to do re-do this story at first because it was where Banshee first cooked into a full person thing, but I think it will ultimately be a better thing.  Doing it doesn’t remove where Banshee came from or rewrite her history for me, and I think that was what worried me. But I love the SWAN kids even more now for having done reSWAN, so I think Banshee might get the same result.  

and a snip of things

“Okay,” Tenna said, holding her hands out.  “What are our options?  Leave kid or abduct kid?”

“We’re not abducting anyone,” Devi said.

“Yes, thank you,” Edgar said, relieved.

Jimmy clicked his teeth on his lip ring.  “What if we just went to the police or something?”

Devi rolled her eyes.  “Police who can’t see us or the kid?  What the fuck, Jimmy.”

“I don’t know!  It’s what you do with lost kids in malls!”

“Where do you see a mall?” Edgar asked, gesturing widely to the rows of grain outside.

“You’re trying to leave a kid dead on the road!”

Devi gritted her teeth and tried to scream.  “Is this fucking opposite day?  Mom here wants to leave the kid for roadkill and Jimmy is suggesting we go to the goddamn police.”

“Okay, okay,” Tenna said.  “Maybe we can spare a donut or something while we think.”  She began rummaging through the bag on the seat next to Jimmy.  She looked up with a sudden thought.  “Do kids carry rabies?  Should we not touch it in case the mom comes back?”

“I’m pretty sure that’s raccoons,” Devi said.  “We didn’t get rabies.”

“Or did we?” Tenna joked, pulling out the last of the 24-7 Bagged Donuts.  “You don’t know that’s not why we’re invisible.”

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

2018 post because I still want to and it’s on my to-do list

I'm sure at this point no one but me cares considering we're fully two months into 2019 but whatever, I want to record it for posterity, because there were a lot of things in 2018 that I did for the first time and that's kind of important. (”this will be brief!” I said, you know, like a liar.)

I finally got a tattoo. I've been talking about it for years but never figured out exactly what I wanted or where, and even once I figured out what I wanted ("all we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us," which has been important to me in different ways for years) I didn't know exactly how I wanted it to look, because it can be tough to make text tattoos look good and I’m not an artist or a graphic designer. and then Scully was diagnosed with kidney disease and I realized, oh yeah, his paw print, there's an obvious one. my tiny little semi-colon (of which I apparently never took a decent picture) was also pretty obvious once I started looking for something small I could do as a test tattoo, although the way things worked out I got them both at the same time. the whole process was...kind of odd? but instead of just talking about it I finally actually made it happen, and it hurt but not, like, unbearably, and now I have a piece of my furry little boy that goes everywhere with me, which was especially important after he died.  

I did way more political volunteering than I ever have before. I always feel like I'm not doing enough and compared to people who volunteered with campaigns every single day, I guess I'm not, but I still did a lot in 2018 compared to any previous year: lots of donations to multiple Democrat candidates and progressive organizations, textbanking for several candidates across the US, sign-waving and even phonebanking for the Alaska Democrats, poll watching on election night for the Alaska Democrats, at least a few hundred handwritten postcards to voters for a few more candidates, data entry for the campaign against a local bathroom bill last spring (I keep forgetting that happened in 2018 too because, you know, 2018 was about a decade long), going to several local anti-Kavanaugh demonstrations and the like, leaving lots of voicemails for my legislators and bugging other people to do the same (with varying levels of success), and maybe other stuff I'm forgetting. which is all good, because actually doing shit is vastly preferable to just going "wow everything is terrible and we're all gonna die" both in terms of actual impact and my mental health. the unfortunate part is that after doing as much as I did for the 2018 midterms--whether or not I really actually did enough, whatever "enough" might be--I got pretty well burned out, especially because...all the candidates I did the most work for DID NOT WIN so that made it feel kinda pointless (even though we took back the House and I was so relieved about that I could’ve cried). especially locally where Alaskans did the stupid thing and 1) kept Don Young and 2) elected a Trump wannabe with almost no experience as our governor because he made promises that any idiot should've been able to see he wouldn't be able to keep. but...I still worked hard for causes and people I care about, and I devoted a pretty significant amount of time and money, and I got out of my comfort zone with last-weekend phonebanking, and none of that is nothing.

I joined a gym and started going there fairly regularly. as usual I want to qualify this, because "30 minutes on the elliptical once or twice a week" is not exactly an amazing workout, and I haven't been as good at going regularly since I finished TAZ: Balance, but like...it's still a new thing that I went out of my way to do, and it was a positive change toward taking care of myself physically.

related: I...finished a podcast? I'm bad at podcasts (see also: I'm two or three years behind on Welcome to Night Vale, the only other podcast where I've listened to more than one or two episodes), but the Balance arc of The Adventure Zone is amazing and it basically let me trick myself into wanting to work out so I could listen to more. (unfortunately, Amnesty and MBMBAM haven't been as effective this way, I think because MBMBAM is hilarious but there's no narrative and therefore no "oh shit what's gonna happen next" suspense, and Amnesty is great but it's just...less zany, I guess. constant zany goofs are great for distracting me from the fact that I'm doing generally unpleasant physical activity.) now maybe if I could find a site like GoodReads for podcasts, which apparently doesn’t exist yet, maybe I’d do better at remembering and then listening to all the podcasts I’ve heard of that interest me...although I still don’t know what would be useful for workouts to give me that all-important combo of zany goofs (made by people who are not horrible) and suspenseful narrative. 

I got back into conventions and cosplay for the first time in six years, which is kind of dumb because I was never that deep into cosplay in the first place and I'm still not, and the vast majority of cons I've attended have been tiny local ones...but I did do several attempts at varying levels of quality starting back in college, and I put together some complicated-by-my-standards outfits for SDCC 2012, and then I didn't do any cosplay at all until last year when I semi-spontaneously decided to go to ECCC. I only did two for that one (AoU Wanda, and Avengers Academy Loki) but they involved more actual work than any previous cosplays and I was pretty proud of how they turned out. and then I kind of went "oh hey, cons and cosplay are fun, I forgot", so I did a very simple cosplay for one tiny local con and two that were much more complicated (Stuttgart Loki and The Final Pam) for our larger local con, and it was a lot of work and I'm not 100% happy with how I looked as Pam but the handful of people thrilled to recognize me made it worthwhile. also my Loki staff is damned cool and I look great in suits.

I got contacts! for the very first time! LITERALLY JUST FOR COSPLAY! I've worn glasses since I was about two so I don't remember my adjustment period and I've never had much desire to try contacts, and with past cosplays I just kind of shrugged and wore my glasses anyway, but after ECCC I wanted to Do It Right so...I got contacts. it kind of sucked actually! after the week or so where I was supposed to wear them to get used to them, I literally have not worn them except for the local convention! it turns out contacts will never be a great idea for me because astigmatism is wacky! but now I have contacts I can use for future cosplays, and it's another new thing outside my comfort zone where I went "you know, actually, I could do this thing" and then I made it happen, which is...sort of a big deal for me.

I played Silent Hill 3 and 2, in that order, which is not that big of a deal but still feels like something of a milestone for me, because a) actually finishing a game is embarrassingly rare for me and b) I feel like...they're so well known and such a part of gaming canon, so to speak, that finally playing a couple classic games I previously only knew by osmosis is sort of significant actually. also I love them both in different ways, and discovering a new favorite game series is always fun.

I said goodbye to Scully. this was...not a fun one, obviously, and in fact those last few days were completely fucking awful. but, well, it was a big thing that happened, and it was new in my experience. like I said (a lot) at the time, I realize it's a sign of how lucky I've been that Scully was my hardest personal loss so far, but that doesn't change the fact that it was, and...of course it was hard and horrible. he was my furry little boy, he was unquestionably family, he was a huge part of my life every day for 9 years.  I took care of him as well as I could for as long as I could, and then I made the most compassionate decision I could, and for the most part I was able to focus on remembering the joy he brought me instead of just how much it hurt to lose him. (I've also said this before but I think dealing with Loki in Infinity War helped with Scully, because I'd already done some work on my unhealthy tendencies toward hopelessness in the face of, you know, things ending.) and then I found Hazy, and that's been hard in different ways but she's also worth it, and I think I can train her enough that other people will actually get to see how silly and adorable and sweet she is instead of just BARK BARK BARK.

I more or less kept up with my writing goals of posting at least one new thing a month? I guess this is an accomplishment rather than a first, since it's something I've been mostly successful in doing for the last few years, but it's still notable. also it does involve a first, because until I will kiss you till your breath is found I'd never written anything even semi-explicit (well, I very vaguely described a couple sex scenes in my Crimson Peak fic a few years ago but that was...VERY vague) and then I wrote several thousand words of fucked-up dubcon sort-of-p0rn and fairly shortly followed it up with another one. so that's a thing I've done now I guess. (is it actually explicit if you never really, directly reference anyone's genitals but it's still obvious what's happening and also it's fucked-up sex stuff? I don't know but at this point I'm definitely still too squeamish to use certain words in my fics. is that because I'm hella ace or because I grew up hella repressed in purity culture? BOTH PROBABLY)

and then there are my goals for 2019! or rather the rest of 2019 but it's cool because I got started on a couple of these pretty much right away!

cut my hair real short. already done! in fact this was basically the first thing I did in 2019, because I made the appointment Jan. 1 and got my hair cut Jan. 2! kind of like the tattoo, this is something I've been wanting to do, and talking about wanting to do, for ages and I've never actually gone for it; the shortest I've gotten my hair cut was basically chin-length, more than once, because I'd go in like "I kind of really want a pixie cut or something similar but idk if that would work on me without adding a bunch of time and Product to my morning routine so maybe I shouldn't?" and the stylists were always like "yeah you shouldn't, a good pixie for your face shape is not wash-and-wear hair" so I never did it even though I kept wanting to just...cut all my fucking hair off. and then this December I kind of went, wait, I got a TATTOO with less angst than this and that's permanent. I CAN CUT MY HAIR. IT GROWS BACK. so I got all my fucking hair cut off. it's not perfect because a short cut really does take more maintenance, from what I'm told (I got it cut the first week of January, so...probably I should have scheduled a trim by now), and I really would prefer to continue paying almost no attention to my hair while still looking generally okay, and the bits in front fall in my eyes and piss me off if I don't pin them back (I did buy the hair wax stuff the stylist suggested that was supposed to sort of lightly anchor it in place but it just never worked for very long, so...pins), BUT it is very nice not constantly catching my hair in my purse strap and stuff like that, and also I'm more visibly queer with short hair and that's definitely a plus.

train Hazy. this is a work in progress. it took a while to get signed up for an actual class and then I had to go with one for reactive dogs specifically, and so far I've only been to two sessions, just one of which involved Hazy, and then I've been trying to do other stuff at home, and...well, it's a work in progress. but she's a good dog who just needs to learn to chill a little bit, and I should've trained Scully and didn't so I'm trying to do things right this time.

specifically, I would like to get her trained enough that she can accompany me to Pride in June, wearing her adorable Wonder Woman harness and cape. given that she is not great with individual strange humans and strange dogs, taking her into a big crowd of both would definitely result in a screaming meltdown if I did it now and it may or may not be realistic to hope I'll be able to get enough improvement on that in time. but that's the goal. if it doesn't work, there's always next year, I guess.

also, I want to make myself a flying ace costume for Pride. this may or may not be much more complicated than I anticipate.

speaking of costumes, I'm planning to go back to both local conventions this year, and I imagine I'll reuse my Stuttgart Loki outfit at least once but it would be nice to do at least one other new cosplay. Heather/Cheryl from Silent Hill 3 seems like it should be straightforward but Value Village hasn't provided me with any of the pieces yet so who knows.

post more to @alaska-gothic​ because I have a bunch of cool photos I'd like to have a place to show off (and I've taken a lot of new pictures, some in VERY cold weather, for this exact purpose)

finish more games. in practice this might turn into "play more short games while continuing to neglect long games" but I want to make my list of completed games longer and I also want to PLAY MORE GAMES in general because it's a thing I really like, and it's possibly the only thing I do that's purely for my own enjoyment, and I want to make more time for that. also I want to finish SWTOR’s existing singleplayer content because, I mean, it’s an eight-year-old(!!!) MMO so its remaining time is probably limited by default and it’s fucking ridiculous I’ve been a subscriber for at least seven years without even finishing all the class storylines, what the actual fuck Past Me. (I also want to make more time for console games specifically, because those are almost definitely easier on my body and I can do them while cuddling with Hazy on the couch. unfortunately this also generally requires me having the place to myself, which is kind of a rare thing that is also necessary for comfortably working on customs or writing, so...opportunities are limited.)

speaking of games: finish buying the parts to upgrade my computer and then upgrade my fucking computer, and also back up my fucking files

finish a long fic? or honestly if I can even finish more short fics that would be great. really just...make progress on the WIP list. especially if I can finish some IW-specific fics before Endgame comes out. that would be super cool of me.

get another tattoo. I still want that LotR quote but I don't know how I want it to look so who knows when that might happen. HOWEVER, I've been wanting something queer, and I very much loved Foxflight Studios’ "we fight as one" design, and when I asked the designer if she was okay with me getting it as a tattoo she said yes. so at least with that I wouldn't have to figure out a design. I do of course have to figure out a) where I want it (ideally, somewhere normally covered by clothes but where I can see it if I want to, and where a person might conceivably keep a real dagger) and b) how much more it's going to hurt/cost than the paw print considering it would have to be bigger and it has a lot more colors and linework.

do some travel around Alaska. I've lived here for nearly my entire life and I really haven't seen that much of my own state. more importantly there are a few extremely cool places within theoretical driving distance, like Kennicott, Igloo City, and abandoned military installations near Seward, and I want to visit them. @erlkonigstochter and I had vague plans to do this last year and it never materialized (although I did visit Nike Site Summit on my own), so...this year I intend to try harder to make that happen, especially since I have no current plans of traveling out of state.

put more stuff on Etsy (and figure out how to advertise them?). in particular there are a bunch more things I want to repaint in various Pride colors, in part because those are way easier than custom Funko figures. of course, a lot of these things are kinda technically copyright infringement which means somehow I have to figure out how to make more sales of the easier things without drawing the attention of any corporations (and/or shift my focus to things that aren't under copyright of some kind but that's probably more complicated).

but also do more personal projects. I have so many partially finished custom figures, and so many other figures I bought specifically to customize but haven't touched since, and it would be cool to actually...do something with some of those. especially because several of my WIPs/plans are more Lokis, and I need all the Lokis, and there are not many more left that I can buy.

figure out how to motivate myself to work out more and keep up with PT exercises, see above re: needing a  better replacement for the magic of TAZ Balance whoops

get a therapist and work on ADHD issues, because I'm increasingly convinced that ADHD issues are at the root of the vast majority of my other issues (depression, anxiety, etc.), and that I would be immeasurably improving every aspect of my life if I could make some progress on that aspect. the difficulty, of course, is that finding a therapist is kind of complicated and difficult, and also I don't really want to add yet another regular appointment to my schedule when I already don't have enough time after work to do all the things I want and/or need to do, but...this one thing could go a long way toward helping me actually do all those other things, so obviously this is a time investment I really need to make. although probably not until I've made serious progress with Hazy's separation anxiety because that also makes it hard to go places after work. so uh, I guess we'll see. in the meantime it might be smart if I tried to figure out some kind of self-guided therapy thing I could do. I'm sure there's...something.

just, like, be more intentional about...things. in general. this is a bad goal because it's very nonspecific but it is slightly more specific than "generally do better FFS" so at least there's that.

[clownao]

A few of you seem to be interested in my OC Mio. So I did this OC fic instead of writing Which Partner... yeah. I have no self control.

***

wasabi

 Mio stared at the huge onigiri laying innocently in front of her.

 Karma’s cacophonous cackles rang through the classroom. “Oy, Hikage, you know you can back out any second now,” he teased her, a wicked smirk on his face.

 “I'm going to eat this,” Mio murmured savagely, glaring daggers at the offending onigiri.

 Mio had been imitating Karma and his mannerisms for fun, but she'd went a bit too overboard and angered Karma. Karma, being the malicious devil he was, challenged Mio to a bet. Mio brashly agreed, and to her severe humiliation, she lost the bet. And now she had had to eat a spiced onigiri filled with wasabi. Technically, she could refuse (read: chicken out), but she didn't want her reputation to be damaged further. And besides, Karma’s smug face was really pissing her off.

 “You deserve this,” Kataoka had just commented when Mio talked about it.

 Nakamura casually leaned against Mio’s desk, observing the onigiri with interest. “Come on, a little wasabi can't bother our ruthless Mio-chan, right?”

 Kimura, one of Mio’s best friends, happened to be watching. Upon seeing a uncharacteristic waver in Mio’s eyes, and the way her hand shook slightly, he began to wonder if the daring Mio was actually afraid of spicy food. After all, he'd never seen her eat anything remotely spicy. She even had some reservations when Kimura offered her his mom’s famous homemade curry.

 So that's how this girl can be defeated… using wasabi.

 “Hikage, don't force yourself if you're not up to it,” Kimura called, unusual worry for his friend bubbling inside him.

 “Oooh,” Karma and Maehara drawled. They had taken up a habit of wolf-whistling every time Kimura and Mio talked, which was seriously annoying Kimura.

 Mio shook her head stubbornly. “Don't worry, Kimura! I will finish this onigiri.” She grabbed a water bottle, and plopped it on her desk with unnecessary force.

 “I. Am. Ready,” Mio announced, face stiffening with determination. Nakamura, Karma, and Maehara clapped boisterously and cheered her on.

 “... If you say so.” Kimura sweatdropped.

 Mio could feel the eyes of the class on her. She’d always been so cool and casual in front of her classmates; she couldn't afford to panic now. Her hand reached out for the onigiri, and gripped it firmly.

 Jeez, that Karma had to make it plus-sized too… and he knows my favourite food is onigiri. He'd gone so far on this personal attack!

 Squeezing her eyes shut, Mio slowly lifted the dreaded onigiri to her mouth. When it was around halfway there, Mio thought “fuck it”, stuffed the onigiri in her mouth, and chomped down. It wasn't like she had anything more to lose.

 “Mio-chan!” Nakamura exclaimed.

 For a single, shining moment, Mio could taste the gorgeous, glutinous grains of rice, which lured her in a false sense of security-

 Then pain abruptly invaded Mio’s senses. She coughed, instinctively whipping the onigiri away. Her tongue was burning and sizzling, and her mouth and eyes watered. Soon, her throat began to feel like it was on fire. She blindly grabbed her water bottle and chugged half of its contents down.

 “Wow…” her classmates gaped, equal parts horrified, amused, and in awe.

 “Gah!” Mio burst out, her tongue dangling out, which made her look like a dog. “The actual fuck-”

 “Language!” Kataoka hollered from the other side of the room.

 “Hikage, you okay?” Maehara approached her and asked.

 “If you can't do it, it's okay too!” Nakamura said.

 “Your face is all red,” Hazama commented idly.

 “Oy!” Kimura barked upon seeing the classmates crowding around his friend. “Give her some space! Hikage, don't do anything stupid!”

 “Ha…” Mio wiped a few tears from her eyes. “Kimura’s finally acting like a police officer… so cool… so full of authority…”

 “Hey, why did you add that ‘finally’?” Kimura cried, eyebrows pinched together. “And I was actually concerned about you!”

 (Kimura usually didn't mind Mio’s jokes, but maybe seeing her so affected by wasabi of all things made Kimura a little touchy. At least he could see the wasabi hadn't killed Mio’s sassy brain.)

 “Eat it slowly, will you? No one wants you to choke and die,” Hazama remarked bluntly.

 Maehara coughed. “Let's kill Korosensei using a wasabi-filled onigiri.”

 “Very encouraging, Hazama-chan.” Mio rolled her eyes. The girl resolved to finish this cursed onigiri as quickly as possible, or else she would prolong her suffering. She took the onigiri again and braced herself for the second assault-

 “I'm going to get some water!” Kimura yelled. He grabbed Mio’s water bottle and zoomed to the water fountain outside. The other students felt a sudden breeze whoosh past them as Kimura dashed away. The panting boy ran back to the classroom, where Mio was furiously chomping rice and wasabi in her mouth. A red flush began to fill her cheeks, and he could see what suspiciously looked like moisture in her eyes.

 “Take it easy, Mio-chan.” Nakamura cheerily wiped the sweat from Mio’s face.

 “You're doing great, and Karma is a douchebag.” Hazama flipped through a book on curses.

 Karma’s mercury eyes were dancing with mischief. “This wouldn't have happened if you hadn't had made so much fun of me,” he drawled.

 Mio snatched the water bottle from Kimura, and drank it as if it was her lifeline (it probably was). The cool liquid ran down her throat, soothing her tingling tongue. “Kimura, you're a lifesaver,” she mumbled after a long drink. “I love you.”

 Even though Kimura knew it didn't mean anything, hearing the words “I love you” still made his heart skip a beat. Which was really weird, because Mio was like a wacky sister to him.

 “I'm sorry I had to make you go through this." Mio sent Kimura an apologetic glance. “It'll hopefully get better from now on.”

 “Sorry to burst your bubble, but it'll probably feel worse and worse until you desperately crave the sweet release of death,” Hazama said. “Just trying to mentally prepare you.”

 Throughout the next ten minutes, Mio did her best to cram the wasabi onigiri down her stomach, while Kimura became a delivery boy, and made countless trips to the water fountain and back to bring cold water. The other students were all yelling and cheering, their voices growing greater with every bite she finished.

 “You're almost done!” Nakamura’s hands tightly gripped Mio’s desk, her baby blue eyes shimmering with anticipation.

 “Not to sound dramatic, but I want to fucking die.” Mio’s speech was slurred due to the intense sensations her tongue was experiencing. She coughed loudly, and every hot breath that escaped her lips was a torture to her mouth. Her tired eyes found the very last piece of onigiri, and she found she had no strength or motivation to move.

 “G-go for it!” Kimura’s red forehead was dotted with beads of sweat, and he solidly placed the water bottle besides Mio. He then bended and placed his palms on his knees.

 Mio felt sorry for Kimura. He didn't have to do so much for her, especially when he wasn’t involved. But she could hardly form a sentence to convey that.

 The class’s cheers crescendoed into a defeating roar as Mio gingerly picked up the mixture of rice and wasabi. Her lips parted and with magical resolve, she put it in her mouth and chewed. After what felt like a century, she swallowed.

 “I… finished?” she muttered, dazed.

 “HOORAY!” Nakamura flung her arms in the air. “Mio-chan! Mio-chan!”

Kimura practically shoved the water bottle in her face. “Drink th-this.”

 Mio’s face was as red as a tomato, and strands of hair were plastered to her sweaty forehead. She gladly took the bottle.

 “I don't want to eat an onigiri ever again,” Mio mumbled. “I'm so done.”

 “But Mio-chan, your favourite food is onigiri!”

 Mio slumped over her desk, red cheeks squishing against the surface. “I've been defeated…” Her voice was unusually soft.

 Maehara and Okajima watched the girl with interest. “Is it just me, but Hikage… without her mean words… looks pretty cute now…”

 That irritated Mio. “Oy, you boys-” she started to say, but broke into a coughing fit. Nakamura thumped on her back with much gusto.

 Kimura himself was hot and tired after all that running. He stumbled to a nearby seat, not caring whose it was.

 “Kimura-chan!”

 Kimura’s head immediately snapped up, because there was only one person he knew that would call him with the suffix “chan”.

 Kurahashi bounded over, a carton of apple juice in her hand. The cute smile on her face was dazzling Kimura.

 “Kimura-chan worked really hard today!” Kurahashi sang. “Here, take this juice to replenish your energy!”

 Kimura’s eyes widened. “E-eh? I-I-I can't d-do that-” he stuttered.

 He was too late, and Kurahashi had already pressed the carton in his hands. “Kimura-chan was really cool just now~~”

 Pink dotted Kimura’s cheeks, and he scratched his head sheepishly. “Ah, really?” the flattered boy laughed.

 As Kimura happily sipped his apple juice, Mio said, “Thanks for helping me, Kimura. You didn't have to do that. It was all my fault.”

 “No problem. What are friends for?” he flashed Mio a grin.

 “Ah, you two must be exhausted.”

 Kimura and Mio tilted their head to see the class mom Hara with a placid smile. She was holding an onigiri.

 The old Mio would've cheered loudly and eaten the onigiri in a view bites, but now she just wanted to vomit.

 “I can't have you hating onigiri for the rest of your life, so I saved one from lunch for you. I guarantee it tastes delicious,” Hara said.

 “... You don't have to…” Mio was so moved, tears began to form in her eyes.

 Hara took out a pair of chopsticks and divided the onigiri in two. “Here, take half too, Kimura. You need it.”

 Kimura and Mio were shocked by Hara’s kindness, but they couldn't refuse.

 “T-thank you, Hara-san,” Kimura looked at her gratefully. He poked Mio in the side. “Hey, say thank you too!”

 “Thank you…”

The class watched as the duo munched on Hara’s onigiri, while Hara petted their heads in a motherly way.

 “This onigiri… is a gift from God,” Mio announced, grains of rice on her face. “It has restored my faith in humanity. Hara, I am forever in your debt. ”

 “Don't talk with your mouth full!” Kataoka reminded.

 Hara just chuckled. “Now, Mio, don't be so risky anymore, okay? People may take revenge, and you may suffer.”

 “Yeah, that's true,” Karma added, but from his facial expression, everyone could see clearly he was still mad at Mio. Mio noticed his look, and glared at him.

 “I'm not forgiving you, red feathered dude,” Mio said icily.

 “Good to know. I'm not forgiving you either.” Karma idly played with his rubber knife, but his bloodlust was obvious.

 “You are playing a very dangerous game here,” Hazama murmured in her ear.

 “Well,” Mio yawned. “That's the cost of having a fun life.”

***

I also filled out the assclass OC fic bingo sheet by @dr-j33 just for fun. I was tempted to add "Nagisa who?" but lmao Nagisa doesn't appear much in my non OC fanfics anyway.

[alphacrone]

Jack Turns Himself Into a Cat (1/?) - Zimbits Magic AU

CW: mentions of injury, mentions of feelings of inadequacy, getting stranded

“I’m sorry, you what?”

The cat on Bitty’s counter glared at him. “Isn’t it obvious? Do I need to spell it out for you?”

“No, no, I understand that you turned yourself into a cat,” Bitty sighed. “I’m just...how?”

In lieu of being able to shrug, the cat paced nervously. “I don’t know. I was trying to brew a potion and there must’ve been cat hair in the cauldron and now I’m...like this.”

Bitty pressed a few fingers to his lips to stifle laughter. “And you’re certain you’re not always...like this?”

“Yes, I’m certain I’m not usually a fucking cat,” it hissed, hackles raised for a second. “I’m a man.”

“The manliest, I’m sure,” Bitty said easily. “Well, I know I’m the only witch in the area, but as you are not a pie nor a plant, I’m afraid this is out of my wheelhouse. We’ll have to go to Samwell.”

“Samwell?” The cat asked, tail twitching with irritation.

“The closest town,” Bitty explained, grabbing at his essentials—money, phone, granola bar—and shoving them into his satchel. “I have a friend who’s real great with animals, she can probably help.”

“‘Great with animals’ is what you say about a babysitter, not a witch,” the cat snapped.

“It’s like you don’t want to be cured,” Bitty mused, shooting off a quick text to Lardo. “She’s in my coven, so don’t be rude. Bun?”

His familiar, a bunny named Bun, hopped into the room, nose twitching adorably. The cat looked put-out by the familiar’s appearance.

“Honey, I need you to watch the place while I’m gone.” Bun twitched his ears in an affirmative, then hopped off to tend to one of the bubbling cauldrons.

“Is that wise?” The cat asked, his deep voice hilarious on such a small, cute creature. Bitty flashed him a saccharine smile.

“You must not have a familiar, huh?”

The cat’s silence was telling. Bitty slipped on his bag and snatched his car keys from the ceramic bowl Lardo had made him for his birthday.

“What’s your name?” He asked the cat, suddenly startled that he was helping out a cat—man—whose name he didn’t even know.

“Jack,” the cat—man—said.

“Well, Jack,” Bitty said. “I think it’s time for a road trip.”

As always, Betsy coughed and wheezed her way down the highway. Jack looked startled by the age and poor health of the pickup truck, but Bitty was confident his (and Dex’s) charms would keep her together until Samwell.

“That’s...an interesting shade of yellow,” Jack had commented upon seeing Betsy parked in the patch of dirt and dead grass Bitty called a driveway.

“My friend Chowder calls it ‘sunshine yellow,’” Bitty said as he opened the passenger door for Jack. Jack sprang up into the seat easily, a blur of black and white. “And my friend Nursey, who’s a poet, calls it ‘Putrid Papaya Puke.’” He paused to shut the door and climb into the driver’s seat. “I prefer Chowder’s version, clearly.”

“I like the sound of Nursey,” Jack said drily. “Tells it like it is.”

“Don’t all poets?” Bitty pulled out of the driveway, waving at Bun who sat in the kitchen window, watching them head out. The dirt road from Bitty’s house to the main road was rocky and unpaved; in the summer, dust would waft in through open windows and coat everything it could. Bitty’s cleaning spells never quite managed to get it out from between the cracks of the seats or from between his teeth.

“So...Samwell,” Jack said awkwardly, clearly trying to keep the conversation going. “What’s it like?”

“Oh, you’ll love it,” Bitty said, rolling down his window to feel the cool, autumn breeze. “It’s so quaint it’s almost gross. Pretty large witch population, and the rest of the town is just as weird and wacky. My friend, Lardo, who’s gonna help you, she runs a small-scale menagerie on the edge of town — mostly potential familiars and witch-friendly pets, like cats and and reptiles and birds of prey.”

Jack purred unexpectedly. “I’m a Falconer,” he said, stretching up to look out the window as the trees of the woods blurred past. “I love working with falcons and owls and...you know. Animals are...easier than people.”

Bitty smiled softly. “Less pressure, simpler affection, I get it.” When Jack didn’t comment, Bitty continued. “So Shitty, Lardo’s boyfriend-type-person, he works at the menagerie full-time, kind of a zookeeper of sorts. He swears that if he gets stoned enough, he can talk to the animals.” Bitty paused. “He’s gonna get a kick outta you, for sure.”

“Sounds like an interesting guy,” Jack said, voice tinged with amusement. Bitty wondered if Jack was this quiet in human form, or if it was a side effect of being turned into a cat.

“Now, on the main strip in town I’m friends with about half the shop owners: Nursey runs the bookshop; Jenny and Mandy run the best little watering hole, The Haus; Ransom owns the clinic, so he’s basically in charge of all of the injuries and accidents that come out of Holster’s classroom across the street—he teaches basic spells and potions to real young kids, it’s more of a zoo than Lardo’s menagerie; Dex and his brother run the hardware store; Chowder and Farms own the apothecary; and Alice Atley, the greatest and most wonderful lady in the world, runs the charm shop where I sell my wares.”

By the end of his spiel, Jack looked half-overwhelmed, half-entertained. “Wow,” he said after a moment. “You have a lot of friends.”

Bitty shrugged. “I’m chatty, friendships just tend to happen. I’m not super close with any of them yet, but we’re getting there.”

“I admit, I’m a bit jealous,” Jack said softly. “I’m...not chatty.”

“Well, that isn’t a crime,” Bitty said, ignoring the disturbing groaning noise coming from Betsy. “You don’t talk and I talk too much; we’ll balance each other out nicely, don’t you think?”

“I suppose,” Jack said. “I’ve been living by myself for so long, I just- I feel like that’s the reason I turned into a cat. I’ve forgotten how to be a person.”

And that tugged at Bitty’s heartstrings in the most painful way. “Oh, sugar, that’s a nice metaphor and all but I really do think you were right when you said you got cat hair in your cauldron. And you seem perfectly human to me, fur aside.”

“Thanks,” Jack murmured.

Bitty grinned, finally feeling like he was getting somewhere with his new, laconic friend-

And then Betsy rumbled to a stop in the slow lane of the highway, a death rattle emanating from her engine.

“Oh, shoot,” Bitty whispered. He knew this stretch of highway, the bit that sometimes faded in and out of reality. The cell service was terrible. And the sun was starting to set beyond the trees.

Outside the truck, wolves howled in the not-so-far distance.

“Well, Jack,” Bitty said, trying to keep his voice light and upbeat. “Looks like our road trip’s turned into a full-blown adventure. Good thing I packed some supplies, huh?”

Jack turned the full force of his cat glare on Bitty and Bitty sighed. It was going to be a long night.

[My incomplete writing masterpost]

[My online novel]

[clownkiwi]

Ruby’s Thoughts on the Super Mario Bros 35th Anniversary Direct Earlier This Morning

ok!!! let’s talk about those silly mario announcements today, because, if ya know me, i love me my marios so much. in fact, some of my favorite games of all time include super mario world 2: yoshi’s island, super paper mario, super mario galaxy, mario & luigi: bowser’s inside story, super mario rpg, & super mario odyssey; it’s safe to say ive been a mario fan for a long time, and i love him alot.

and considering its marios big year (shhhhhh, hes turning 35 this year!!!), you’d expect a lot of big things. and, like i said, we got a bunch of mario announcements!!! some of them huge!!! and some of them i’m mixed about, but we’ll get to that once we start talking about them. so, let’s start with the very first announcement down below!!!

1) Game & Watch: Super Mario Bros

So like, as the first announcement, ummmmmm. This doesn’t look too bad. and I know this was made as a collectors item for like the most extreme Mario fans & game collectors/”historians”. And I’m one of those, a huge Mario fan. So like, I really really want it, even though it’s just a Game & Watch with Mario 1, The Lost Levels, a clock, & a Game & Watch game, priced for $50. And I’m on the fence. Like, ehhhh??? Should I pay $50 for games I could easily emulate on my laptop for free??? But also, this is a collectors item, and I know Nintendo fans will buy these in bulk and sell them for a higher price on Amazon & eBay, so like. Maybe I will get this. Just to see all the Mario stuff on there!!! And I’ll keep the box as well as the thing itself, and yea, I might actually get it for Christmas. yay :)

2) Super Mario 3D World + Bowser’s Fury

Now this was definitely an exciting announcement!! We all knew this was happening, from all the rumors, just to the fact that this was inevitable. I’m very glad Mario 3D World will get another chance on the Nintendo Switch!! If you’ve heard from many Mario fans & Wii U owners, it has to be one of Mario’s most underrated adventures in recent years; and that’s coming from someone who’s favorite underrated classics happen to be Super Mario Land 2 & Super Mario Galaxy 2! So it’s very exciting that we got one of the best Wii U games ported on the Switch! And this time it’ll have online multiplayer, but I don’t think that’s what I’m excited for the most. What I’m really interested in has to be Bowser’s Fury. What is that? Will it be harder levels, will it just be more of what we already loved from the game, or will it be a whole new campaign/story after beating the main campaign? Nintendo has been very vague about it, and we can only really know once it get’s close to coming out next year. So I’m very excited to see what that’s about!!

And yes, I should warn you, this is the only bit of new Mario content to come out that I can actually play. Everything else will be pure nostalgia bait, for both good and bad reasons. We’ll talk about that later, but all things considered: I’m very excited for this game, and I can’t wait for it to come out on Switch :)

3) Mario Kart Live: Home Circuit

OK, so like. If I was 7-11, I would be very excited for this, and I’d be begging my parents to get this. This would be something fun to play with if I was younger. But not only am I not in the age group appropriate for this, our house is messy as fuck. If I wanted to properly play this, I’d have to clean everything up our house, which will take a lot of work. So, this will be one I will pass on. Not to say it isn’t cool as fuck and I’d love to get it, I just won’t be able to play it ever in my house. Plus, it can only be played indoors, meaning I can’t make cool as fuck courses outside. This’ll be one of those Nintendo Labo things to me personally, where I’ll see it, go “Wow!! Cool as fuck, wish I had that,” I won’t get it, and I don’t think my life will be personally too affected. Still really cool though, I’ll admit that.

4) Super Mario Bros 35

OK OK, so this was another one of those “WOAH, WACKY NINTENDO COMING AT US FROM LEFT FIELD” things that like, seemed so obvious. Why hasn’t Nintendo conceived a Mario Battle Royale? Well, only because they were holding it for Mario’s 35th Anniversary, and, I love it!!! This seems like a game I’ll play alot, and I’ll have to play as much as I can, because compared to these other games, this one will be limited!!

Yea, would you believe it?? If you have a Nintendo Switch with Nintendo Switch Online, you can only play this from October 10th to March 31st. Which seems very dumb!!! Why would you get everybody excited over a cool game that alot of people might love, only to take it away from us, like, barely six months after it came out? This makes no sense! But trust me, we’ll go more in-depth on this soon. Before we talk about that, let’s talk about the other stuff!

5) The other stuff

I wanna get those cute new Mario overalls. I also wanna get those Splatfest keychains when they come out, as well as those Mario pins!! Sadly, you have to buy one of the new $60 Mario games when they come out, which sucks! Because I don’t have much money on my Nintendo account, and I don’t even have a job, so I can’t get it right away. Also seems real greedy to give out something for free when you also have to buy something in order to obtain it. But trust me, this is only a setback; I will get those pins if it’s the last I do.

But, of course, it’s time to talk about the most controversial announcement that was made today. The final announcement Nintendo made today regarding Mario’s 35th Anniversary, and that’s

6) Super Mario 3D All-Stars

That’s right! The highly rumored, highly hyped up, highly exciting announcement yet! The one everyone has been talking about, the one we’ve all been getting excited over! And even though I was first excited by this, I was also a little bit disappointed. Now, however, I’m even more mixed on this one!!

Let’s talk about the Pros & the Cons about this one.

Pros

Mario 64, Sunshine, & Galaxy are finally on Switch!!! Wow, that is very exciting!!!

Wow, Mario Sunshine looks so beautiful in HD!! Probably because of the widescreen thing, but that makes it better!!!

The Music Player is cool, I’m glad I’m now able to listen to the whole soundtrack of Mario 64, Sunshine, & Galaxy on the comfort of my Switch!! :)!!!

I’m glad they’re all together in one collection!! That’s super cool too!!

And hey, it’s coming out real soon too, that’s cool!!

OK, that’s all I have on the Pros, let’s move onto the Joycons. Cons, I mean.

Cons

OKAYYYYYY, where can I even start??? The title is very misleading. It is called “Super Mario 3D All-Stars” right?? Why didn’t these games get beautiful HD remastered graphics, or better yet, full on remakes?? With updated graphics, stuff missing from the original prototypes added in there (like playable Luigi in Mario 64), or, hell, even stuff added from the DS remake onto the Switch remake?? Playing Super Mario 64 on the Nintendo Switch in an All-Stars-esque package should mean a total upgrade!! All we’re really getting is like, “Higher Resolutions” (even though fans have been able to port Mario 64 onto PC at 60 FPS & in 4K widescreen resolution, and the way the game looks on Switch just seems to be barely emulating, but whatever) and updated controls for the Switch. Now, it’s not to say that the novelty isn’t cool. I’m glad we’re able to play Mario 64 & Sunshine on Switch, but like, if these are just straight up ports of the original games with nothing added to it, why even release physical copies of it when you could just release them seperately through Virtual Console, or, ya know, just separate releases on eShop?? It didn’t seem too hard to just port them on Switch, why not rerelease them on the platform for a cheaper price? And speaking of,

The price of this. How are you able to justify 3 games that are all more than a decade old for $60 if you’re not even gonna add in any new content besides a music player?? This kinda seems very cheap and reeks of Nintendo trying to make as much of quick bucks as possible from this. You gave the fans what we wanted, you did the bare minimum, and now you will earn in the reapings. And I wouldn’t even harshly complain about this!! Yea, sure, fans are making more beautiful upscalings to Mario 64 on PC for free, but suuuuuure, make your loyal fans pay $20 for a 25 year old game you can easily emulate on your PC. And that’s not even my biggest complaint.

Oh yea, before I go to my biggest complaint: why didn’t you include Mario Galaxy 2?? I know Galaxy is a pretty long game, but at the very least the $60 would’ve felt a lil bit more justified (not totally justified, btw!!! $60 still feels too much to play 4 games that are all a decade old at least). And as it is now, it feels very bare bones. You can’t just rerelease Mario Galaxy onto the Switch without it’s sequel,,, and again, these would’ve been my biggest and only complaints, if not for this one,,,

Nintendo’s “Vault”

Limited Release. Not just limited physical release, but limited digital release too. You can only legally purchase this game when it comes out on September 18th, 2020 til March 31st, 2021. After March 31st, 2021, you won’t be able to legally purchase this game ever again. And this isn’t just a weird thing for the United States. The whole world will get affected by this too. You aren’t safe if you’re in Britain, Japan, Europe, or anywhere else where this game is legally sold.

Out of all of Nintendo’s anti-consumer practices they’ve done in the past half-decade, out of every greedy way Nintendo tried to make money off of your nostalgia, this has to be the most greediest and the most uncharacteristic ever. And I am absolutely anti-capitalist, all of yinz should know this by this point! But even then, this just seems incredibly shady.

Why would you hype up your fanbase over the anticipated rereleases of fan favorite games onto your console, ones that could rank in fans old and new, and only release it for a limited amount of time, before putting it back into a hypothetical “vault”, never to be legally released for an unknown period of time?

And why, as a company trying to heavily protect their image, take down ROMs & ISOs & emulators, but not even clearly release your classics onto modern consoles without doing something weird about it?

You all know what I’m talking about: stuff like “Nintendo Switch Online Nintendo Entertainment System” and “SNES Classic Edition”!!!! Like, limited edition stuff like NES Classic or SNES Classic are at the very least justifiable because they were made to make a quick profit for Christmas by nostalgia-baiting your audience!! Sure, that kinda makes sense. But this is moment that Nintendo seriously crossed the line.

The one chance, the one chance Nintendo could get every Mario fan happy & excited, and they did the bare minimum, in the most cheapest way possible, in the least consumer-friendly way possible, in order to make up for potential losses during this pandemic.

And honestly, we could’ve gotten something better. You could either chalk this to Nintendo’s results from being terribly impacted by a pandemic that forced everyone way from each other, or Nintendo was really planning this all along. And they could easily do this again as well if this game sells well.

Compared to Disney, which tons of people made comparisons to, I can’t currently pirate these Mario games! I lost important buttons from my keyboard for the D-Pad, and the PS4 controller I borrowed from my bro won’t work on my laptop anymore because I lost the proper cord, and other cords I tried using won’t work as well. So, I can’t really boycott this game. Mario is very close and dear to my heart, and I’m willing to buy this game.

However, what scares me the most is that Nintendo could do this again. Zelda’s 35th happens to be next year. What happens if they released the Zelda 64 games for a limited amount of time on Switch as well??? Or what if they released the Gamecube & Wii Zelda games as ports for the Switch in a collection for a limited amount of time as well??? I’ve seen someone predict that Nintendo could possibly do this again, and I can’t really stop it because I want to play Mario Sunshine on my Switch, I want to play Mario Galaxy on my Switch! But I absolutely despised the way Nintendo went along to do this. And I’m gonna hate it even more when they do it again, thinking they could easily fool us again just because it has the “Mario” name on it, or the “Zelda” name on it.

And that’s what I’m more scared and excited for all at the same time.

At the very least, more people are starting to notice.