#and given recent events now seemed a fitting moment to post it

[j-emini]

f1 is inherently, systematically fucked up. and as a fan you should call out drivers and teams and broadcasters for their poor behaviour and/or handling of situations. even, and perhaps most especially, when it's with reference to a team or individual you support. because without recognising these blatant shortcomings nothing in this sport will ever change. and that one day will ultimately be the cause of its demise.

[cassafrasscr]

I continue to have so many thoughts about Ashton.

I've seen a handful of posts accusing Ashton of being selfish and power-hungry, and I don't think that's completely inaccurate, per se. I don't think it's fair to frame it as Ashton just wanting power for it's own sake without considering the larger context of the threat they're facing.

Let's look back on the Hells' first battle with Otohan.

Ashton was almost completely useless in that fight. He got knocked out twice in the space of a few rounds. Which, no shade. With her Echoes in play, Otohan was almost able kill Keyleth (a level 20 Archdruid, plus her elemental Wildshape) in a single round.

Ashton's whole job is to tank hits and deal damage. With an enemy that can deal out enough damage in one round to put the tank out of commission, his ability to mitigate damage to the rest of the party is severely hampered (if not cancelled out completely).

The only reason Ashton didn't also die in that fight is that his friends healed them enough that they could get back up again, and they were able to make a run for it before Otohan started going back to kill the PCs she had already knocked out.

And that was just Otohan. One of Ludinus' right hand generals, sure, but still nowhere near as strong as Ludinus himself (or even Predathos, if it gets released). Even once they defeat Otohan, the fight that's still in store for Bell's Hells is near insurmountable.

Taliesin has said in a previous 4SD (don't remember which one, sorry) that this fight was the moment that Ashton realized just how invested with this new group they had become. The moment he couldn't protect his friends was the moment he realized that he finally had the family he'd been missing... and by then three of them (Orym, Laudna, and Fearne - probably the PCs Ash was closest to at the time) were dead.

Not only could Ashton not protect his friends, he also ran. He left his friends behind and half of them ended up getting killed. I think Ashton may feel they left their friends for dead in that moment, the same way the Nobodies left him for dead after the Hexum Heist.

Now, I'm not sure I would necessarily equivocate these two situations - this is just where I think Ashton's head might be given recent events. I don't think he would see any significant difference between the Nobodies leaving him after his fall, and him running for his life during the Otohan fight. If I'm remembering correctly, this is also around the time that Ashton really started to double down on their "Nobody gets left behind" rule.

Now that Ash is aware of how much he cares about the other Hells, he will do absolutely anything to keep them. Bell's Hells is too invested in the fight against Ludinus to turn back, and Ashton is never going to leave them again. So if the Hells won't abandon the fight, and Ash won't abandon the Hells, their only option is to get strong enough to keep their friends safe.

So of course Ashton took the Shard of Rau'shan when Fearne didn't want it. No one else seemed able or willing to take it, so Ashton charged ahead with his decision the way he tends to do.

Was it arrogant and hubristic? YES. Was it a power-hungry thing to do? YES. Was it wrong to keep it secret from the rest of the group? YES. But there's not a single force in Exandria that will make Ashton regret taking that shard if it helps him protect his friends even a little bit.

It also feels fitting to me that one of the few things Ashton can't protect them from is his own poor decision making.

[bangtannism]

Tkkers are the biggest jkkers there have ever been. They're the very embodiment of yelling "I'm not mad" while punching a hole in the wall. If their moments don't mean anything, why are you so mad? But they know that km's moments are significant which is why they desperately play down their relationship, call it fanservice, foist jm off onto other members (liking shipping ymn), anything to make it not real, because they know as well as we do, that if what km do is real and not scripted fanservice, then it blows apart their romeo&juliet fanfiction. For example, if its all real, then jk was drunk spinning jm and jm gave his best friend's "boyfriend" a hickey, and how would that make sense when tae and jm are still so close and loving on each other? If its real, then jk chose to spend the next 2 years with his "boyfreind's" best friend and not him, and how does that make sense?

The problem with tkkers is that they have built this perfectly insulated little belief system where they believe not in what they see, but in what they don't see, which is a nebulous relationship that supposedly exists only in private (I mean they literally brand tk the private couple). They don't even have to be based in reality or think critically because they've come up with convenient explanations for everything. If tk say something that goes against the tkker narrative, well that was the company forcing them. If they say or do something that supports it, well that was them being bold and fighting back. If interactions with another member don't threaten their ship, then that's fine and cute. If it does, well then that's just fanservice pushed by the company. They decide what is the "truth" based on if it already supports what they believe. I firmly believe there would be almost no tkkers today if they didn't stumble upon tkker accounts and become indoctrinated with the ideology because just watching content, seeing their actions, and listening to the boys talk (and believing them) would never lead you to thinking tk are romantically involved.

If its any consolation though, I do think way more army (not just km shippers) do acknowledge km's relationship being unique or sus at times, they just don't say it as much on tkker dominated spaces like twitter, where even using their duo name gets you branded a shipper and makes them mad. Like here on tubmlr, I've only checked the tk tag a handful of times out of curiosity, but the km posts and blogs seem to get waaay more engagement. Or even on reddit, I've see users make comments "like I hate shippers and I would never actually claim they're together, but km do make me questions sometimes LOL" while tkkers coming in hot with their crazy bullshit get shot down immediately there. Also this is anecdotal, but I wasn't involved in the fandom for a long period because of personal stuff (I still kept up with the member's solo projects though), and I was surprised at how much engagement km fan twt accounts get now or just how many big ones there are. At least from my memory a couple years ago, I don't remember km accounts (not just "shipping" stuff, but also accounts for km moments, etc.) getting as many likes and followers as they seem to have now, so I do wonder if the tides are turning (would make sense given recent events, rumors, etc. for tkkers to lessen imo).

They decide what is the "truth" based on if it already supports what they believe.

that's really the entire crux of the problem, nonny. instead of regularly examining their own beliefs and assumptions based on information as it comes out, they simply figure out how they can fit the information into the belief. the ways they come to their conclusions are filled with so many fallacies that it's usually not even worth addressing because if someone is willing to twist themselves into that many knots over their beliefs then theyre not actually going to listen to logic.

and dont get me wrong, shippers of all kinds do this, but i have never seen it with such frequency and aggression as the tkk crowd. once i saw someone on tiktok claim that jk only ever mentions th on his lives. when they were told that jk does indeed talk about other members on live (they'd know if they watched og content instead of just socmed clips), the person actually refused to believe it. that's not only absurd, but it brings me to my whole conclusion about why tkkrs constantly write off and redefine moments from other pairings (and obviously especially jikook):

if tkkrs took in all the information without trying to fit it into a pre-established narrative, their ship would fall apart. even if we assume that every other pairing in bts is platonic only, tkk does not hold up. the things they do for each other, say about each other, the things others say about them, the amount of time they spend together and activities they do, the way they touch and cuddle and joke, none of it truly stands apart from the rest of their friendships. especially when we take vmn and jikook into consideration. so the only way to make romantic tkk make sense is by simply ignoring or rewriting reality.

they have to imagine that jk only cooks for th, only sings for th, only spends free time with th, only does this that and the other thing for th because if they acknowledge that jk doesn't do these things for th exclusively, what do they have? (also it's really fucking weird that their entire ship seems to hang in the balance on what jk does – they really are so threatened with how jk behaves with jm that they're constantly trying to redirect that attention from jk to th.)

as a jikooker, i am sure you have heard so many of us talk about exclusivity and consistency, and tkk just does not have that. 🤷‍♂️ i enjoy seeing tkk together and i enjoy their friendship but at the end of the day, that's all you can glean from their interactions unless you start making stuff up.

as for engagement from army in general on jikook, i do think that a lot of the time the lack of it comes from fear because fandom culture as a whole has become so volatile towards rps. but why is it that jikook comments are automatically seen as more shippy than ones about other pairings? that's what doesnt make sense unless everyone else is seeing what we're seeing. talking about the "sus" stuff between jikook forces people to acknowledge that it is actually sus and that makes them uncomfortable because nobody wants to be branded a shipper in our current fandom climate.

but yes, imo there has been a turn in tides for jikook within the fandom. i talked about it before that jikook began gaining popularity quickly in 2017 which was then solidified with gcft. i think that the 'jikook wave' so to speak probably won't ebb unless we actually see a shift in their dynamics or they start dating other people. i am really curious to see the state of the fandom and jikookers after military service tbh.

[posttexasstressdisorder]

Donald Trump’s Dancing Shows Just How Crazy He’s Become

FRIGHT NIGHT

Trump’s weird dancing episode may finally bring his mental decline center stage for voters—and reveal him as the worst possible choice for president.

David Rothkopf

Updated Oct. 16, 2024 4:50PM EDT Published Oct. 16, 2024 11:35AM EDT 

Photo Illustration by Thomas Levinson/The Daily Beast/Getty/Reuters

This is the week Donald Trump’s fitness for office finally became an issue.

It wasn’t, as we all have been shocked to discover, the treason or the rape or the 34 felony counts or the impeachments that did it though. In fact, the moment Trump crossed the line from extremist maniac to extremist maniac who appears to need round-the-clock care, soft foods and an early bedtime, was not caused by any of his traditional acts of recklessness or mayhem.

Perversely, in fact, what ultimately did him in may turn out to have been the fact that most Americans didn’t think he could get any worse as a dancer than he has been all his adult life…and then he did.

And oh, the way he did it.

‘Morning Joe’ Baffled by Trump’s ‘Bizarre’ Rally DancingBEATS MEDan Ladden-Hall

This is a guy, after all, who was known as a true pioneer of the white man’s overbite back in his Studio 54 days. More recently, his Grandpa Used to Know How to Dance Dance, was even more cringe but candidly, I’m not that sure we’d be much more comfortable seeing Joe Biden or Mitch McConnell dance these days either.

But as we discovered this week, his skills have, almost impossibly, faded further. Appearing at a rally in Pennsylvania on Monday, he resembled nothing so much as one of those battery-operated dancing Santas you might see on the counter at your local hardware store at holiday time. But one whose battery was nearly dead. Who twitched and stared blankly into space.

While such rogue electronic toys have been a scary standard in movies since Close Encounters of the Third Kind, this was something even more chilling. Trump’s spasmodic rocking and peculiar arm movements were the centerpiece of one of the weirdest incidents in modern American political history. As the Washington Post described it in a Tuesday headline, “Trump sways and bops to music in a bizarre town hall episode.”

By now, thanks to countless Internet memes and social media commentary, or an airing of the full nearly 40 minute incident on Nicolle Wallace’s MSNBC show Deadline: White House, you have probably seen what happened.

Unaccountably, in the middle of what was advertised as a town hall, Trump briefly stopped the program to enable care to be given to two attendees who had medical incidents and then decided he didn’t want to change things up a bit, “Let’s not do any more questions. Let’s just listen to music. Let’s make into a music (sic). Who the hell wants to hear questions, right?”

And for the next 39 minutes as an eclectic variety of hits played over the arena loudspeakers (many apparently without necessary permissions from the artists who recorded them), Trump did his failing battery operated Santa dance. His team encouraged him to take more questions via teleprompter. But he ignored them.

The moderator for the evening, South Dakota governor and noted pet murderer Kristi Noem tried to wrap up the event. But Trump ignored her too. And when she could not persuade him to wrap up, she tried half-heartedly to dance along with him. Hands to the left. Hands to the right. Repeat. She looked pained, like she was hoping someone would put her out of her misery. And for most of this awkward display, Trump stared into the middle distance, alone in a strange and distant world we can only imagine.

It was too strange to ignore. It went on for too long. His flacks tried to spin it as a “lovefest.” But no one who saw it will ever be able to wipe from their memory banks the image of the addled and lost former president unaware of his surroundings or it seemed, just what a candidate for president is supposed to do at a rally.

The optics were made worse by the fact that the next day, Wednesday, Trump cancelled not one but two scheduled media appearances without explanation. Rumors started to spread that even his staff was freaked out by this lengthiest of Trump’s increasingly frequent meltdowns.

Then, he did an event at the Chicago Economic Club at which he could not maintain a thought for all but a few questions and proved unable to answer even the most basic questions much to the consternation of the moderator, Bloomberg Editor-in-Chief John Micklethwaite who was forced to fact-check and challenge the loopy ex-president throughout.

Republican presidential nominee former U.S. President Donald Trump dances during a town hall campaign event in Oaks, Pennsylvania, U.S., October 14, 2024.

David Muse/Reuters

It was precisely the kind of thing that resonated with a quote that also garnered headlines this past week, from Bob Woodward’s new book War. In it, General Mark Milley, who served as chairman of the joint chiefs of staff under Trump was revealed to have described Trump as “fascist to the core” and as the greatest individual threat America faces.

It is fair to state that Americans have never seen such a public meltdown of a presidential candidate nor one that coincided with such increasingly erratic behavior. Trump’s niece, Mary Trump, a trained psychologist said that he was “decompensating in front of our eyes.” Other experts concurred.

Trump’s opponent in the presidential contest, Vice President Kamala Harris, embraced inventive tactics to drive home the message about how unsuited Trump is to be our commander-in-chief. She actually showed video of Trump’s threats to turn the army on the American people at a rally. In her remarks, she called him, without fear of contradiction, “increasingly unstable,” “unhinged” “a huge risk for America” and out for “unchecked power.”

Her campaign also acidly tweeted an account of the event with just the statement, “Hope he’s okay.”

Because of this confluence of events, although no doubt informed by the cumulative impact outlandish and destructive Trump behavior over the years, it seemed very possible that the seemingly comic episode on the stage in Oaks, Pennsylvania, might actually leave voters and the media concerned about Trump’s fitness to serve in a way that his leading an effort to overthrow the government or his alleged serial sex crimes had not.

The next three weeks will tell. But in my view, Trump’s mental decline will become an ever bigger issue during that time and in the end, will be cited by many voters as the reason they ultimately felt they could not vote for him.

It makes sense. A president can unilaterally launch a nuclear strike that could essentially destroy all humanity. He or she can do it in a matter of just a few minutes. And it is almost impossible to stop him. The fact that Trump is not someone you would trust to drive your kids to school, who seems more likely to be the subject of a silver alert than he is to handle a national security red alert, is a pretty compelling reason to cast your ballot for the experienced, capable, high-character, sound judgement of Vice President Harris.

If all that pans out that way, you may look back on the bizarre dancing episode as an unexpected turning point for the addled president. Indeed, it may be said that in the end the October surprise was that Trump himself revealed himself to be a candidate who would be surprised to find it was actually October.

An earlier version of this story said Kristi Noem is the governor of Idaho. She is the governor of South Dakota.

[ruckis--rookie]

there is a specific art piece of your’s that seems to have vanished off the internets: “Dark Lord Gerakobitz - Bad End AU”. and I know it disappeared recently because I have a cross-post from your DeviantArt from November 2023

https://www. tumblr.com/loveandmad/ 733130379991629824/dark-lord-gerakobitz-bad-end-au- by-ruckis-rookie (remove the spaces) that now goes to a 404 page

Yeahhh about that. A lot of old art of mine of Fawful and the other M&L lineup has up and vanished. Twould be on purpose.

Y'see, after some very personal events I tried distancing myself from the M&L fandom. The game series remains very sentimental to me, but paired with the personal reasons and the poor treatment Nintendo was giving their fans, I took a long (possibly few) year hiatus. One of several reasons for my hiatus was guilt that I had strayed so far from the source material that the cast of characters didn't seem like the og cast of characters, rather OCs made to fit the mold of them. So by the time I came back I had revamped all the designs I had for the M&L lineup were revamped to be featured as an antagonistic group for my nonfandom oc story called "Order of the Stars" that I'm working on.

The one inspired by my old Fawful design, now named "Geragera", is VERY special to me. He was the one I projected onto the most in the past and he was the one I worked the hardest to distance from the source material without changing him so much that what I had built was no longer there. He's basically a second Fursona to me now. Words can't describe what he means to me.

But despite the many reminders that I gave to old fans that I would be moving on and if I were to ever return to M&L I'd be referencing the source material closer, people still kept missing the memo. Even years later some get confused and it really made me realize how much of an influence I had on shaping the fanon Fawful that's remembered today. It was... incredibly disheartening and upsetting given how hard I worked to make Gera his own character. And furthermore it didn't make sense to me HOW comparisons were still being drawn. I had disappeared for a while to let the fire and the hype die down, in what world to people think THIS

Looks like THIS

If anything at this point Gera takes more inspiration from Yoshi in appearance, I'm shocked more comparisons haven't been drawn to the dinosaur because then I might actually be flattered

But given the circumstances I'd been silently deleting a lot of my old works and archiving them on a personal thumbdrive. It initially started with things I'd see pop up in my notifications that people liked. If I deemed a picture too close to my old fanon Fawful I'd save and delete it. But eventually it got so upsetting to me that in an anger fueled moment I went on an art purge to try and erase the impact I left, or at least scrub what I could to let Gera have a proper limelight instead of being stuck in the shadow of the thing that inspired him. People were also confusing Order of the Stars for an AU, which it's very much not.

While normally I wouldn't have minded the exposure, in fact I would have been flattered had it been years prior (even though the same pic was very much up on Tumblr at some point), that picture was a sore reminder of the past I was so desperate to distance myself. One of many, and reminded me I had to scrub more than just Tumblr... and might have possibly been the catalyst to the purge? I dunno, I slept since then.

The closest you'll get to it now is a horror themed bad end AU that I made that follows a very similar concept

And this is very generous considering the hell I've gone through. It got so bad that I haven't felt very compelled to draw Fawful anymore for fear of further confusion, heck, more recently I decided that I was just going to exclusively post any future M&L art I make over here because I got tired of people finding reasons to draw comparisons on other sites too. I even thought about dropping ANY M&L drawings related to Beanish just to get away from it, but decided against it. I've even started putting more emphasis on Gera's snout just to make him seem less Beanish, which sucks because I've had to stray away from what makes my style mine to begin with. I could easily change his colors, but I can't bring myself to. He's been like this for years now and it's a characteristic that I can't easily let go of, nor do I want to. I've very begrudgingly changed my Beanish HC so that they don't have blue tongues and blood anymore (which was initially nspired by a beta Cackletta sprite having a blue tongue). It feels like I'm having to strip any and all hc personality I gave to certain fandom characters just to create more distance, which sucks.

It gets hurtful after a while, especially considering Geragera has more than just one inspiration... but yeah, a lot of my old stuff got purged and personally archived for my own growth. Truly sorry about that, and for the being a lengthy explanation. Truth be told I also needed a reason to get this off of my chest but I was never prompted until now. For future reference though (and this goes for just about anyone) I would greatly appreciate if you asked permission before making a crosspost sharing my work. There's a good chance I probably would have said no on that one. Anything that remains on this site is either too sentimental to get rid of or still close enough to the source material to stick around.

[an-au-blog]

hello! a different anon interested in the unclenapped au here! (and other aus where buggy is with the strawhats i guess)

not to bring PLOT into a mostly character-focused au, but with extra strawhat crew aus i'm always curious where the author would have kuma send the new guy(s) post-sabaody. basically, where would you send your au buggy to learn & grow over the time skip? is he learning new skills somewhere, or landing on the red force (or wherever luffy & rayleigh ended up) and learning about his past?

thanks!

Hello other anon! Can I call you Difan (get it? because different anon (I'm so funny ik))

And no, no, no, don't worry, I LOVE plot! And I was actually recently thinking about the whole Kuma situation. Because he sent each one either to a friend/somewhere to make connections with the revolution, or to help them train/help with personal growth.

At first I thought maybe I should make up an island that would fit this version of him. Something that would maybe make him conquer his fear of being trapped and claustrophobia, or maybe something to better help him use his powers.

Maybe something like an island where everything is small and all the inhabitants live in dark holes in the walls (picture something like the kindergarten from Steven Universe). And Buggy is freaking out because he can't live in the whole in the wall, he just can't! Not again! Not to mention the food, there's so little food for the small people there, what would he eat - as someone probably two times their size?

He just wasn't ready to go back to not having anything. So he starts helping them grow their farms and defend themselves from wild beasts and in return they help him reach inner peace and face his trauma. Maybe he'd even have a Sanji moment where he finds out that the people can teach him fighting skills he didn't know they had?

idk...

But I also started looking into places or different arcs and two specific ones actually seem pretty fitting. (can you tell I've actually given this quite a bit of thought hahaha ':))

The first place I thought of was Impel down. It would also cross with the canon timeline and events. Think about it: he'll get over his fear of imprisonment, make connections with the revolutionaries living in the walls. It would be just like in canon for the exception that Buggy is willingly helping Luffy and he's been in there for a shorter time.

Not to mention that on the ship when they tell everyone that he used to sail with Roger, he would be finding out something new about himself. Maybe even remember something.

(And here I go pushing my shuggy agenda again) And that way Shanks's return would be have more weight as well. It would impact both of them so much because 1. Shanks not only lost Ace but now he finally found Buggy and 2. Buggy went through so much trauma and then some greasy redhead claims to know him??? And what's more, he doesn't have this spike of anxiety upon meeting him?? (but maybe I'll make a separate post about that specifically)

Although I don't know if after that I'd want him to go back to Amazon Lily with Luffy and meet Rayleigh (because again: revealing past and all that fun stuff), or if i want him to be taken in by Shanks and his crew instead of Law (and he'd still have the reveal of the past but differently that with Silver...)(idk just food for thought)

Anyway though,

The second place I thought of is a bit of a stretch. I thought of Arabasta. It's a bit of a stretch because, why would he be there?

Well they're alleys of the straw hats and had recently gotten out from under Crocodile. Also if I'm not mistaken the revolution army had it's foot in there as well right? Also I'd absolutely love seeing Vivi and Buggy interactions. I feel like she could teach him a lot in just general. Also he'd love the sun so much.

I'm also thinking maybe he could train and learn quite a bit history there. But I hadn't had that much time to think about this option to be honest...

[the-s1lly-corner]

Between the Knuckles (Itward x Reader)

Chat we are about to get so silly-- I may make a dca version of this fic since this prompt has me so.... oiiuuujghh...♡

Prompt: You help Itward clean the grooves in his hands

Notes: Reader is GN, reader is human, can be seen as romantic or platonic, post game

CWs: none Word count: 1.7k

Itward was always an outwardly pristine and put together individual- his suit was always neat and his bones clean. Behind closed doors, however, things are a little different. The inside of his flying ship was a chaotic mess, although one must give the skeleton credit; it had a system to it. Everything belonged in their own areas, each pile a junk (calling it so would only earn a chuckle from Itward as he insisted the purpose of the piles) tying into one another into a not very neat scene. Along with that the bulk of the chaos was centered in the main area of the ship. Forks hung from the walls and ceiling, and various stuffed animals were sat around the table. Books were everywhere, too. There was at least one streak of muddied dirt in one of the ship’s rooms from a kamala that had managed to worm its way on board. Itward… hadn’t had much of a chance to clean that up…

…Because you were currently sitting in front of him with his long hand in yours- his nearly doubling yours in length alone. Between the bones of his fingers, muck resided. 

You see, the mess didn’t just come from the aesthetics of his house. Being a mechanic and a skeleton posed its own hygiene problems… especially when one couldn’t find gloves that fit them well enough to not slide off of their bones. It was a miracle that Itward’s suit remained unstained…. Or perhaps it was riddled with stains and no one noticed thanks to the material being a deep black.

Usually he would handle cleaning himself up on his own, but after recent events that left everyone scattered you had offered to do it for him.

And it was… worse than usual. Likely from him rushing putting the flying machine back into working order after it had crashed so he could find Fran. The girl in question was nearby flying on the back of Palontras. She was far braver than you, you’d give her that. 

“Truly Dear, you don’t need to do this… you need rest, too,” Itward cut the silence, but despite the statement he doesn’t make a move to pull his hand out of your grasp. You stop your picking for a moment and leave the toothpick between his knuckles as you raise your head to stare at him. You weren’t going to lie, you were tired too… and the idea of sinking into the nearby booth in the common area of the ship enticed you. You force the thought away, and return to your work. “You need to rest too Itward, besides I’m already almost done with this hand… I can go lay down while we’re soaking it… you really did a number this time…” You click your tongue as you force debris from the grooves. 

He stares at you. 

There seemed to be something brewing behind his eyes, but before he could begin to speak you continue. “I understand why,” You began, forcing your eyes back down to his hand. Thankfully, you had already done what you could for now with the other hand. 

“We were both panicking, and you wanted to get the ship off of the ground as soon as possible… but just because you’re the captain doesn’t mean you need to do everything on your own, you know?” You continued. 

“Let me do this for you, all you need to do is rinse out your hands with soap and water.” You said, firmer than you thought you could muster. 

Another piece of debris slips out from the space his knuckle and ring finger. The piece was just slightly larger than the others, and it looked like it hurt when it came out given that Itward’s hand twitched for a moment and the hiss between his teeth. You wondered how it even managed to get in there in the first place, and how it felt…

Not good, probably. 

You push the piece to the small pile with the others and continue. “We really need to find you some gloves, though…” You mumbled. “Maybe we can ask someone to tailor some for you since the ones on the market don’t fit you that well?”

Itward remained silent. 

“Maybe we could tie up the ends… openings… to them so they stay put?” You added thoughtfully after a moment. 

You run your finger soothingly over the knuckle where the larger debris popped out, albeit you were a little late in providing comfort. Still, the action seems to prompt Itward to relax into your arm.

“Perhaps I can go into Ithersta tomorrow and see if someone can give me a… hand…” Itward chuckled. You give him a look, and he seems rather pleased with himself. Even though he was a skeleton who couldn’t smile, you just knew that he would be doing so right here… and god damn it was it infectious. You can hardly fight the grin creeping onto your face as you half heartedly shake your head.

“How long were you waiting to use that joke?”

Itward tapped his chin with his free hand. 

“The past ten minutes, actually!” 

You shake your head again and huff lightly, but your mouth continues to betray you. You return to your work, now only having one finger left to sift through. “I guess Ziar was right, you really do have a funny bone don’t you?” 

Itward chuckles once more. “Actually, the funny bone isn’t a bone! It’s a nerve that runs down your arm, it gets its name from the sensation you receive when impacting it,” Itward corrected. You roll your eyes. 

Did… he have nerves?

Actually, now that you thought about it, Itward didn’t seem to follow normal biological functions, at least not the ones you were used to having as a human… it made sense, for one he wasn’t human and he was from a completely different plane of existence. 

You decide to file away the questions for another day, and instead focus your attention back to Itward. The toothpick in your hand makes contact with something in his hand… You rotate the pick for a bit to feel it better, and after finding a good enough angle you popped the piece out from the gap.

“I think that was the last piece,” You mumbled, and as an extra measure you drug the pick along the opening to feel for anything else. Nothing, it ran smooth through him. 

You let go of Itward’s hand and he slides it out from your palm and flexes his fingers. “Oh this is much better… thank you, Dear,” He takes the hand in his other hand and feels through it and tests each finger to make sure everything is in working order. “Very nice work…” He repeated. 

“Why thank you,” You respond back as you swipe the mess into one of your hands and walk to the nearby bin to discard it. You glance down at your own hands and purse your lips… now your own hands are covered in smudges of gunk- oil and dirt, mostly, but it’s nothing a quick wash won’t fix. 

“Let me get some water so you can clean yourself up,” You speak over your shoulder as you dip into the neighboring room to rinse your hands in the sink. Long and shallow, not too different from the ones you would see in your science class when you were still a student in your native reality. Made sense given the room was used to mix chemicals and the like. 

“There…” You say to yourself as you shake the excess of your fingers. “You’ll just need to soak for a while to get any stains off your bones, right?” You call out as you fill one of the buckets in the room with water and a few drops of soap.

You nearly jump as your back nearly makes contact with Itward’s front. In an instant he’s apologizing and steadying you, slipping the bucket of water from your hands into his.

“So sorry Darling!” He takes a step back to give you some space. “I had thought you heard me come in,” He added. 

“I didn’t startle you too badly, did I?”

You lean against the counter and allow your heart to compose itself. Shaking your head, Itward lowers back to his usual hunched posture. 

“I added some soap to the water, that should be fine right?” You break the momentary pause of silence. Itward swishes the bucket around and nods. “Yes that will work wonderfully, thank you Dear,” He gives you another soft look- his own version of a smile- before he steps out of the way so you can exit the room.

He follows behind you.

By the time you’re looking back to him Itward is shrugging off his coat as best as he can- and somehow manages to do so without the use of his hands. He lets it hang off of the back of the chair he was sitting on moments ago, and he dips his hands into the soapy water and leaves them.

“I’ll only need a half hour… we should be in Ithersta by the time I’m drying off…” He began. “You,” He says, his voice turning just slightly stern. “Are to lay down until we get there,” 

There was no use arguing with him, you knew that. After spending so many years by his side you knew that when he wanted you to rest, he was going to make sure you at the very least laid down. Soapy hands or not, he was going to find a way… and you weren’t too keen on finding out how he was going to make it work- not that you thought he was going to get angry or hurt you. 

No, he would never. 

It was your own body betraying you that finally made your stubbornness waver. “Sure, sure,” You nod, and wave him off. “I’ll be in my quarters, then… wake me up when we land?”

Itward blinked, no doubt not expecting you to go down without a fight.

He doesn’t give you the chance to backtrack and change your mind, though.

“Of course, there is still lots to be done- I’m afraid it can’t wait,” He said softly. 

You only nod, and spin on your heel.

“Very well, I’ll leave you to… that… then,” and with that you were walking down the hall to your small quarters- small, but not bad. You crawl into your bed and sink into the bedding with a long sigh. 

You flexed your hands, your own fingers now sore from picking through Itward’s.

It wasn’t enough to deter you from helping again next time, though…

[linklethehistorian]

Of Skyfall, Sigma, Ian Fleming & James Bond

A personal theory add-on for Skelechuuchuu’s incredible Ian Fleming theory. Please read and give love and support to that original theory here if you have the time!

Hello everyone! At the time of posting this, I’m extremely sick and kinda sleep-deprived right now, so I will probably not be terribly active until I feel better. :’)  

Nevertheless, after having a small chat (with a lot of breaks in between :’)) with some cool people in a BSD server, I still wanted to come and drop this little add-on to the recent (and extremely compelling) theory that dropped about Sigma being Ian Fleming (and James Bond-inspired).

As I tend to do best, I wanted to analyze and explain why Skyfall is not only a perfect and crucial choice for the episode name in S4 as OP describes above due to the inseverable tie to James Bond, but also how the lyrics to the tie-in Bond song by this name themselves relate perfectly to Sigma and the events of BSD involving him so far.

I’ll place it below the cut for both S4 spoilers and manga spoilers up to Chapter 106-107 or so! Proceed with caution if you’re worried about spoilers!

Now, without further ado, let’s get to lyric analyzing!

Before we get into the nitty-gritty of analyzing the song lyric by lyric, allow me to start with a more generalized observation:

The overarching theme of the song Skyfall, apart from being obviously intrinsically linked to Bond (given it was made for it), is about bravely facing down the end with those you love, come what may; this is a perfect fit for Sigma, whose whole character is wrapped up in the concept of needing to belong and protect those he loves. In the episode of the same name, he even fights, despite knowing he is “just an ordinary man”, with his whole life to protect his beloved people in the Casino, unafraid of dying because living without them would be meaningless.

(I would also like to note here that at first glance, it might seem to be written almost like a love song, but I feel it’s important to distinguish — especially in the context of this theory — that this is not necessarily the case, and there is one line that upon listening to it, especially seems to almost completely confirm otherwise to me; in the song, it sounds like Adele is saying “all your loving arms”, despite many lyric sites and such claiming otherwise (it is really not uncommon for artists to differ from the original written lyrics from time to time in certain recordings, so I find this rather plausible). Nevertheless, whether or not this is actually correct, the song is ambiguous enough that it can still be taken however one wishes, and I believe that if we apply it to Sigma, the song is not directed towards one person, but towards a group of them.)

I’ll get on to the more intricate stuff of analyzing lyric by lyric in a moment, but before I do I would just like to make one little key statement here before we start, and that is that despite how it seems, I don’t actually believe most of this song was  meant to be applied to the casino or the people there; rather, I believe it largely reflects and is about his feelings towards Dazai, Atsushi, and the ADA as a whole. (Again, I’ll explain this more in a bit, but…there is one particular set of lyrics that truly sets this up for me: “Skyfall is where we start”; obviously, Sigma has had his casino and known the people in it for awhile, from his perspective, but do you know who he does meet in the episode Skyfall, and first starts to find some small measure of hope/consolation in? Atsushi. The ADA.)

Okay, with that in mind, now let’s on to the main bit!

This is the end Hold your breath and count to ten

In the most recent chapters, Dazai and Sigma are trapped underwater, and literally have to hold their breath to survive. As he runs out of air, Sigma is counting the moments until he can resurface, but fears it may not happen because Dazai seems determined to stop him (for good reason, it turns out)

Feel the Earth move and then Hear my heart burst again

Being with Dazai and having hope of joining the ADA has shifted Sigma’s world around him, changing his worldview and making his heart explode with genuine hope at all of the kind deeds they’ve performed for him — especially when he realizes Dazai is not trying to kill him by keeping him underwater but protect him.

For this is the end I've drowned and dreamt this moment

As they’re staying under the water and near out of air to share, Sigma almost fully accepts his fate, thinking to himself that he may die this way, but at least he was able to dream of a beautiful life for once in those few precious moments he shared with the ADA.

So overdue, I owe them

Sigma has waited a long time to have a place to permanently belong and feel loved and cared for, and he feels indebted to the Agency for all they’ve done for him — all their acts of kindness.

Swept away, I'm stolen

When Dazai was given a chance to pick something to take with him in Mersault, he stole Sigma from the DOA completely, and this action also sweeps Sigma away with surprise, hope, and gratitude inside.

Let the sky fall When it crumbles We will stand tall Face it all together

This one is probably pretty self-explanatory; Sigma isn’t afraid of death, as long as he stands with the ADA in hope of a good life, though this attitude also perfectly fits his attitude towards the Casino in the Skyfall ep and how he stood with his people against the Hunting Dogs, unafraid to die for them.

Skyfall is where we start

I already went over this one a bit, but Skyfall is the ep where he and Atsushi (and by extension the ADA) meet for the first time; it’s his start with knowing the ADA — the time when he first experiences true hope that doesn’t involve him being used and discarded in the end.

A thousand miles and poles apart

I think this part is kinda metaphorical to how he at first thinks he and the ADA are on opposite sides, and that they care nothing for him besides forcing him to use his ability; in his eyes, they are worlds apart and he could never even get close to their world of light.

Where worlds collide and days are dark

Yet, in that moment of Atsu trying to save him, Sigma begins to feel they’re not so far apart, after all. 

Their worlds collided in that brief moment, on one of his darkest days, and he felt grateful for that, even though he still felt his fate was sealed and that he had to let go of Atsu’s hand to prevent him from tumbling to his death with him.

You may have my number, you can take my name But you'll never have my heart

I believe this would be directed at everyone else whom had used and abused him up until this point, and, from his perspective, took his memory from him; they can take everything from him, own him, rob him of his true identity, etc., but he will never be one of them. He’ll never truly be a terrorist. His heart belongs in the light — with the ADA; he realizes that now.

Where you go, I go What you see, I see

As a member of the server we were in, Cloudii, pointed out, I think this could be a reference to how similar Sigma sees himself to Atsushi and vice versa, but I think it could also be a reference to his willingness to follow the ADA (both literally and metaphorically) and with the last line, his ability to gain knowledge of someone else’s knowledge (and thereby in a limited way experiences) through touch.

I know I'd never be me Without the security [Of] All your loving arms Keeping me from harm Put your hand in my hand And we'll stand

The lines about “put your hand in my hand, and we’ll stand” in particular strongly remind me of the moment when Atsu tries to save Sigma by holding his hand when he dangled off the casino, and reflects both Atsu’s desire to have him keep holding on and pull him to solid ground, and Sigma’s desire to stand by the ADA and repay them for kindness by using his ability for them right before what he believes will be his death.

That being said, I also think this whole set of lyrics above matches Sigma’s attitude towards the ADA and his determination to stand by them now in general, even in the most dire of times. 

He knows that he’ll never get to be who he wants to be and live the life he wants to live, having a place of belonging, an identity, people who love him genuinely, if he doesn’t learn to put his faith in them and trust that they are different from the rest of those who had him before. The ADA seems to love and protect him and so he’ll do his best, ordinary as he feels he is, to stand by them, too, until his last breath — using his ability and whatever else he may have as necessary, as they face down the end of the world as they know it and those who would bring it about together.

Anyway, yeah, that’s my analysis for today! Thank you for reading! Love y’all. 🥺💖

[cruelfeline]

All right. It's time to has out the game-relevant Athian timeline. I've been going through the lore entries and looking at various dates. Doing so has caused me to realize some little details that I find quite intriguing. This will go in two posts: this one about the Break and the implications of its timeline, and a second regarding the war against the Rheddig and its associated implications. So! Here we go.

The most recent war with the Rheddig, culminating in the Athian victory known as the Purge of the Rheddig, began with invader landfall on 3/10/3874.

The aforementioned Purge, and with it the decisive victory of the Athian defenders, occurred on 5/18/3874. This provides us with a war duration of approximately two months.

The next few years are spent rebuilding a war-torn Athia until the Break appears. Now, the Break does not actually appear until the first Tanta, Tanta Prav, goes mad.

She seems to fully fall on 8/1/3877, sentencing someone to death for stealing an apple. The Break is first seen on 9/15/3877, in all realms but Junoon.

Junoon remains free of the Break until 12/27/3877, upon which it succumbs as well. The Break continues to spread and, roughly one year later on 12/17/3878, covers about 80% of Athia and has killed 99% of its people.

So! What bits of information can be gleaned from this data?

1. The Break seemingly first appears when the Tantas lose their inner battles against Susurrus. It is not until the first Tanta goes mad that we see it mentioned in the records. And it is not until Junoon's Tanta falls that the Break is able to enter Junoon. It's logical to consider, then, that the Break doesn't just come from Cuff, but from some corruption of Tanta magic facilitated by Cuff being bound to and tormenting them. After all: Susurrus' first attack on Athia, many years ago, made no mention of Break-like phenomena. Likely because he was not bound to anyone, but broken and sealed in the Labyrinths. This is further supported by the Break being strongest around corrupted Tantas' castles but not around, say, Frey, who is bound to Cuff but not corrupted.

2. The Tantas internally fought Susurrus for at most nine months, much likely less. Cinta's memories inform us that Cinta fought against Suss and helped bind him when already pregnant with Frey. She loses her internal battle with him soon after Frey's birth. Frey was born on 12/25. We can assume this was 12/25/3877, as Cinta succumbs to Susurrus, allowing the Break to take Junoom, on 12/27/3877 the moment she sends infant Frey away. So for Cinta to have bound Suss while pregnant, only to fall very shortly after Frey's birth, means that she held him for less than nine months. The other Tantas held out shorter than she did. Cuff is apparently a very difficult person to live with.

3. We start the game in the Athian year 3898, given that Frey has just turned 21. Susurrus likewise states that he's been waiting twenty-one years for his vengeance. Game starts on 12/25/3898, likely moves into the year 3899, given that its events take at least a few weeks. This means that Susurrus is imprisoned for a third time in the year 3899.

Mind you, all of this hinges upon Earth dates and Athian dates corresponding, which we have no official word on. I like to think they do, given how Frey's birthday fits into things. And given how providing the Athian days would be sort of pointless if their year wasn't essentially like ours, simply because without that frame of reference, the dates just wouldn't mean much.

But! Assuming the dates correspond properly, this gives us insight on how long things took, so to speak. And how the formation and spread of the Break corresponded to the Tantas' internal struggles with Cuff.

Now... let me go type up this next bit about the Rheddig...

[taylorswiftstyle]

TSS PREDICTIONS: 2022 MTV VMAs

With the MTV VMAs on August 28 and Taylor up for significant awards (alongside some highly suspicious attention and promotion being paid to the award ceremony) - it just feels like the time is right for some kind of news and an appearance from her.

Historically, her fashion at the VMAs has been very mixed. Most years it’s fun and short and edgy or interesting - an opportunity to step outside of the box. See: The Incident. Or: The Incident 2.0. But she’s also had two years where she’s opted inside the box with two full-length formal gowns. Add in the fact that Taylor’s style is such a mystery these days without a clear aesthetic driven by a single project - your guess is quite literally as good as mine for this award show.

(Pro Tip: If you want more fashion content, TSS Patreon subscribers get exclusive early access to predictions post plus extra bonus content).

But, as always, I’ll do my best.

And with that, here we go.

Christian Siriano Resort 2023: I really like this frock because it offers a best of multiple worlds scenario and ticks a lot of different boxes where Taylor’s style has lived over the years. Feminine and soft (the shoulder bows), a little sexy and saucy (the bustier cups and thigh slit), powerful and tailored (the neutral palette and elegant styling). I would love to see this with Taylor’s signature red lip and a shiny wavy pony with a black velvet hair ribbon for a kicky and girlish touch. And why not go all the way with some Aquazzura bow pumps to finish it off.

Alice + Olivia Spring 2022: This gown feels familiar but also fresh. The cutouts and delicate straps are reminiscent of her Balmain jumpsuit at the 2015 BBMAs and the skirt and overall shimmer a reminder of her most recent appearance at the BRITs. I appreciate that this is chic, clean, minimal, but with a bit of skin. A perfect balance for Taylor’s fashionable comfort level seems to be as of late.

Naeem Khan Resort 2023: Given Taylor’s love of trousers lately, I feel we are massively overdue for a suited red carpet moment. Taylor has previously worn a suit to the MTV VMAs - but that was a literal decade ago. I think it’s time to revisit the suit. We also know that Taylor has embraced over-the-top prints at this particular event in the past. Again, see: Incident 2.0. So a romantic floral (which is something she has worn many a time in the form of a tea-length fit/flare dress) seems very on brand. I would do a deep side part with old Hollywood waves, modern emerald-studded ear climbers, and a red lip.

Erdem Resort 2023: A kind of meeting in the middle between the Siriano and the Naeem Khan picks. A neutral colour palette but with romantic floral fabric and in a separates silhouette. This feels edgy but mature but feminine - all things that I think Taylor wants to accomplish in the here and now and specifically is appropriate for this particular awards ceremony. Tousled hair, smudged eyeliner and shadow, and a popsicle stained orange tangy lip with diamond studs and black diamond ear cuffs plus patent burgundy sandals would be my choices for styling.

What do you think of my picks? Do you have a favourite? And most importantly, do you think Taylor is showing up at all? Fingers crossed!

[guardianspirits13]

I wanna talk about Natsuo Todoroki for a second here.

tw// mentions of abuse, self harm, and suicide

Natsuo visibly has the most emotional trauma out of anyone else in his family (Touya not included), and I really wanna talk about why that is.

For starters, we haven't seen him really smile since he was introduced in chapter 187. He's introduced as having a friendly, easygoing persona and it's easy to imagine this is how most people outside of his family know him. However, every time we see him appear since then, another layer of his trauma is revealed and expanded upon, and it cuts DEEP.

I think the main reason that Natsuo still seems so vulnerable compared to the rest of his family is different than what you'd assume. Fuyumi and Shouto both spend a lot of time around Endeavor, and have been in close proximity to his (relatively recent) decision to atone. They have seen his growth firsthand and come to terms with it. Rei has obviously taken a very different path to healing- not entirely voluntarily- but she has been working with doctors and therapists for years to change and recover and reconnect with herself and her children. Natsuo is off at college, and takes every opportunity he can to avoid Endeavor. He (understandably) wants nothing to do with him, and shows stagnant resistance to his attempts to atone.

The reason why Natsuo can't move on from the past is because his trauma didn't come from Endeavor. It came from Touya.

Now initially we were led to believe that it was simply Touya's untimely death that still bothers Natsuo, and it makes sense seeing how Endeavor drove him to the edge. Losing his best friend and brother as a young kid without parents to support him or any therapist to speak of can absolutely been the source of persistent emotional damage, but the more and more we learn about Touya's situation, the more evident it becomes that Natsuo's trauma is much much deeper than even grief.

Touya, as we know, was driven by an ambition instilled in him by his father and experienced extreme rejection sensitivity when those ambitions were no longer realistic. Touya's relationship with his parents could be described as insecure attachment, a psychological term primarily regarding how kids react and respond to their parents and other close relationships. As he was raised, Touya learned to equate his potential to be a hero with his personal worth and similarly confounded attention with love. The difference being, of course, that love is unconditional, but even attention was being continually directed away from him as a punishment for continuing to train and burn himself so he could once again become worthy in his fathers' eyes.

This is where Natsuo comes in. At first it was assumed that all of the Todoroki children were born out of Endeavor's strong-willed desire to have a child that could surpass All Might, but we learned that this isn't exactly the case. I'd argue that it was narratively poetic on Horikoshi's part once this was expanded upon. Fuyumi was born to support and encourage her brother, and that is the exact role she plays 23 years later, keeping her family together.

Natsuo's case is even more intersting.

It was bad enough if Natsuo was only born for the potential of his quirk, but it's even more sinister that the sole intent behind his birth was to discourage Touya from his ambitions. I'd say it was to replace him, but it was more to promote the idea that Touya was expendable than to raise aonther kid with the same ideals but the potential to actually achieve it, although that was definitely a secondary motivation.

The parallelism in this is how much Natsuo's life revolves around Touya. He was born because of Touya, he looked up to and took care of Touya as a kid, and the absence of Touya in the present continues to drive him and his decisions in life (but more on that later).

I continue to pray that we will eventually get more solid backstory on Natsuo and Touya's relationship as kids and where it cut off, wether on a bad note or not, but there are a few things we know for certain. One, Touya was mentally ill. Yes, he was rejected by his parents but he seems to have been particularly vulnerable to this compared to any of his siblings since he was the first of them and thus relied only on his parents for validation in his early years. He shows early signs of a variety of different mental disorders, particularly BPD, which I have previously written a whole analysis for on its own. Touya is shown self-harming both by the very nature of his quirk and even by very directly ripping his hair out. He was incredibly self-destructive.

This is why it is so much more concerning to me that Natsuo, who was AT LEAST four years younger than him, was his primary source of comfort. Natsuo was too young to have known anything more than 'my big brother is sad that daddy won't train him anymore' and he obviously wasn't equipped in any way to handle Touya's severe mental illness. Touya most definitely needed professional treaatment as his forms of coping were abnormal even for the neglect and rejection that he experienced. Natsuo comforted Touya through breakdown after breakdown, and more than that Touya relied on him and came to him voluntarily for support. Natsuo was the best option he had, and he took full advantage of that. The main source of Natsuo's trauma was Touya's reliance on him.

Not to say at all that this was in any way Touya's fault- he was mentally ill and desperately in need of some form of comfort to keep him sane; it was almost a survival method at this point since neither of his parents really acknowleged him at all anymore. Touya's instability hurt Natsuo more than parental neglect ever did, but it was the neglect that enabled it and striped Touya of the supportive atmosphere he would have needed at this point not only to prevent but to heal from the mental damage he had already suffered.

Natsuo dealt with this for years and you can see how much it hurt him to see Touya in so much pain, not only from Endeavor's rejection but from his own self harm as well. For Natuso to know that his brotherly love would never be the same as having loving parents; would neve be enough- but at least it was something so he continued to love and care about his brother for little in return- is indicative of the kind of character he is.

(Edit: After the events of chapter 302 we know that Natsuo's relationship with Touya wasn't perfect. I will elaborate more on this in a different post, but I just wanted to clarify that although we were shown a very high-tension scene between them, it is implied that this was a regular occurrence that Natsuo was usually more receptive too but tired out of, in addition to Touya's spiraling mental health. It fit with the natrative to show the tension Touya was feeling with his family from all directions, but Natsu and Touya clearly had a stronger relationship up to and before this point, evidenced by their sharing a room and playing together regularly.)

He is incredibly selfless, and it's interesting to note how many of his positive qualities as an adult stem from negative experiences as a kid. He never really felt love from his parents, so he relied on Touya (and likely also Fuyumi) for that as well. If he grew up learning he had to give love in order to recieve it back, it absolutely influenced who he became in the future, a solid example of this being the responsibility he feels to reach out and have a relationship with Shouto and further regrets that he wasn't able to help his abuse in the past either. Another aspect of his character that intruigues me is how gentle he is. Personality-wise he seems about as opposite as he could be from the awkward, stoic, emotionally-stunted person that is Endeavor.

There are a couple of reasons for this, beyond what I've already discussed.

One, he had little to no contact with elements of toxic masculinity growing up, especially not from Endeavor.

Two, most of the influence he did have growing up was from Fuyumi, who is established to have endlessly cared for him since he was a literal baby.

Three, he grew up in a household where almost everyone around him was in much more literal, immediate pain than he was so he developed a very strong sense of empathy that might also have been tied to early survivor's guilt.

Now I have one important distinction to make, and that's the temptation to label him as a 'softboy' or something of the like after seeing him caring for his family and more pointedly, watching him break down in tears during chapter 252. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with men being soft or vulnerable (on the contrary it's actually so so important and relevant that Hori is writing characters like this in a mainstream shounen manga but that's an essay for another time), it is unfair to label him as such based on a moment when his trauma is being exposed.

Because his truama stems from such a young age, there is a blurry line between just being born with more emotional intelligence and the situation he was in fostering those traits. You know, the classic nature/nurture thing. My point being, it's important to tread carefully when discussing the nature of his personality to avoid invalidating his trauma; I have no doubt that he is very strong for having survived these things, and the moments we see of him onscreen are definitely among his most vulnerable.

Another thing that people less familiar with Natsuo's character might assume is that he is hot-headed and argumentative. I thought that at first too- after all, he doesn't seem to shy away from yelling at Endeavor when given the opportunity. However, this doesn't seem to be the case at all.

The first real scene we see him in with Endeavor, the man walks into the room and Natsuo decides he can't handle it and goes to leave. However, Endeavor happens to be blocking the doorway. Endeavor physically stops him and provokes him to his face, asking him to say whatever is on him mind. While Natsuo is notably not confrontational, Endeavor is. I think it's fair to say that he felt at least uneasy at this gesture. Natsuo is very honest with his feelings, and it's obvious that he's pissed at the audacity of Endeavor to be so oblivious to his own son. This is presumably one of the first real interactions they've ever really had, and at this point Natsuo has been dealing with trauma (caused by Endeavor!) on his own for years, and Endeavor seems completely oblivious to his pain and dismmisive to the rest of the family's as well.

Again during the internship arc Natsuo tries to get along with Endeavor and this time he actually gives it a fleeting chance. Tensions are high, however, and the conversation very quickly becomes uncomfortable, at which point he leaves. It is continually implied that Natsuo is uncomfortable being around Endeavor because his very presence brings up painful thoughts and memories of a time when sharing the same space as him was a warning to run and hide. This is later directly confirmed by Natsuo as he says that every time he looks at Endeavor's face he remembers Touya and the pain he was in.

I feel like an important side note is that we have never seen Natsuo outside the context of his family, which is understandable, as the role he plays in the story directly relates to them. However, if you take a look at Shouto, even though his experiences have shaped him to become who he is, he definitely acts differently when Endeavor's not in the vicinity.

Back to Touya's death, it would be very rare that someone would mourn a death for an entire decade without finding closure unless there are other factors preventing it, and uncomfortably this seems to be the same thing for both Natsuo and Endeavor: guilt.

This is getting incredibly long already, but it's important to note that Natsuo probably felt an incredible responsibility to take care of Touya and protect him because of his empathetic nature. His love was never going to be the same as having loving parents. His encouragement was never going to be the same as having support from Endeavor. Even further than then neglect and abandonement, it was not being able to save Touya that really made Natsuo feel worthless.

He seems to try and remedy this inability to save Touya and diminish his guilt by doing everything he can to be better. He reaches out to Shouto to be a better brother, he consistently pushes his limits to entertain Fuyumi's notion of a happy family, and he's working hard towards a degree rhat will allow him to help people like Touya (and Rei) because he failed to do so in the past.

His bio mildly implies that he didn't have much of a direction he was heading in after high school, but Fuyumi's encouragement led him to seek out his current college career. This goes back to Natsuo's 'purpose' in a sense revolving arount Touya, from his birth to his relationship with him to his death, after which he lost his direction. They were always rather inseperable, so naturally their seperation hit Natsuo hard. He lost his direction in life so when Fuyumi encouraged him to rediscover it, he thought of helping people, because that's ultimately what he was born to do.

Thank you so, so much for reading this if you made it to the end! I clearly have a lot of thoughts on this. Let me know what you think about it as well, and hopefully we'll get more info on this soon in the manga :)

[wizkiddx]

stop caring

yooo, so this is actually taken out of one of the sort of I guess series-esque things I’ve written, but it kinda just got shit at the end so I've given up and just wanted to post this instead. So sorry if some of the backstory isn't that clear or anything

tomhollandxfamous!reader

Summary: after your break up you bump into tom at a charity event and when shit hits the fan personally for you, someone who understands you is really what you need (angsty!!! maybe a bit of fluff too?)

TW: panic/anxiety attacks + mentions of assault

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3 months. 3 months you’d managed to avoid the boy that had given you the most joy in the previous years. 3 months without your best friend; of even when you’re with company feeling like a part of you was just absent. 

And you had been thriving. Well… that’s what everyone thought. That’s what you tried to portray, because no matter how ‘famous’ or ‘successful’ people perceived you to be - ultimately you were like anyone else. Making your insta pop off after the breakup. And so to the outside world, through the very very small lense of social media life was great. Parties, friends, work. 

You were a woman in demand - in all senses of the word. 

But of course, as is the 21st century world, it was a lie. Instagram showed only snapshots of what can be very long 24 hours in a day. Naturally, a select few obviously knew - your best friend, Y/f/n being one of them. Yet still you were missing that one support, that one person who would drag you back to reality whenever you got too much into your own head. It actually rather annoyed you, how dependent you had got on him, in every part of your life. 

And you really hadn’t expected to see him here today. You’d had your assistant check the guest list, he wasn’t on it. While getting ready, you had avoided all the products that reminded you of him; that soft nude lipstick he loved you in so much; your favourite (exfavourite) earrings. Had you known it, you would have worn these. Just because you knew it would get on his nerves a little bit. Nevertheless here you were, perhaps a little underdressed for the charity dinner in a dress you’d already worn before (because apparently that was a sin in the world of Hollywood). You couldn’t pin point from when, but it was simple yet elegant if you did say so yourself. A dark blue satin dress, that sat off your shoulders in a Bardot style; hugged your waist to accentuate your curves; then flowed outwards down to the floor with a slit up your right leg. It was simple compared to the sequin studded, diamanté jewelled dresses the rest of the women seemed to sport but it made you feel comfortable. 

Besides, that’s what you needed today. This was the first time after the breakup you’d attended a public event without your best friend-turned-assistant-turned-absolute-life-saver. Y/f/n had been the greatest with you all through your life but especially recently, she deserved the break to go back home and see her family. It was a pretty decent excuse too, her cousins wedding, so you were in absolutely no place to complain.

Evidently it just HAD to be this event then, while you were flying solo, that you’d be faced with…well with his face. His fucking gorgeous, perfect and oh so sweet face. 

Just seeing him, just seeing Tom fucking Holland, had the most intense burst of adrenaline course through your veins as you desperately scanned the rest of the room. Looking for an out, an excuse, someone to latch onto for the rest of the night. A distraction even. 

Never one to admit it openly, but really you knew your coping mechanism of the past months had been to sleep with who you wanted. Because the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else right? You knew it was stupid too. Not because of slut shaming or anything ( we aint got no outdated views here), but simply it wasn’t you. It wasn’t a good idea for you. It didn’t fit. 

Tom hadn’t seen you yet, so if you latched onto someone you’d likely be in the clear. So obviously, when your frantic glances landed upon Joe Keery, you literally sighed in relief. Joe was great, stranger things was a bit of a guilty pleasure for you - especially when you were in your trailer and bored. Just due to your line of work, you’d met a couple times, he seemed like decent crack and to you knowledge was single. 

Unsurprisingly then, you almost marched over to Joe, ignoring the slightly shaky feeling in your leg as your hearing seemed to focus completely on the sound of Tom’s bright laugh. 

It was your choice too. You’d chosen to end things. It was on you. Well really, both parties were equally guilty. Tom was the one who had been too tired and highly strung and exhausted to put effort into the relationship. Stupidly though, you were too in love to realise for so long, in doing so draining yourself in the process. The constant flying cross country to see him, when he couldn’t ever return the favour because he was too busy. It was chipping away at you, even if you didn’t notice. It took an intervention by your manager Davey and Y/f/n for you to see things for what they were. To see that Tom didn’t care as much as he used to. 

He tried to fight for it, of course Tom did, because he also truly and deeply loved you. Nonetheless though, it was too late. And that was it. You closed that book and returned it to the library. Something your mind occasionally drifts back to  and you think ‘huh that was a good read’ - yet that is the only space it occupies in your mind. 

OR that’s how it should be. Not you yesterday, comparing everything your date did to Tom and deciding everything was worse. Not you today, seeing him and nearly being floored by the way the suit was tailored to his body oh so exquisitely. Not you now, hearing his bubbly laughter and having to fight your muscles from taking you back into his arms. 

In short, you were highly strung and pining over a boy you’d killed your chance of happiness with. 

Not to blow your own horn, you knew Joe wouldn’t be against having your company for the evening. After all, you were a young, beautiful and upcoming actor. You were ,at the very least, self aware. And so for a good few hours you almost forgot about Toms presence, spending the time before the speeches sharing a ridiculously overpriced bottle of wine (or two) with him. He was funny. He made you laugh, even if he was pushing the limits occasionally and teetering just on the right side of socially acceptable. It was risky and in that moment, with the alcohol in your system, it made him seem more and more of an attractive shag. 

By the time the speeches started you were both overly giggly and had to keep shushing each other as the presenter called for quiet. Inherently, you knew exactly the location of Thomas - who he was sat around; the main he’d had at dinner; the brand of beer he’d been ordering.But that was subconscious. You were here with Joe. 

Under your voices, whilst getting some disapproving looks from the older, more mature, members of your table you and Joe sat through the first boring speech whispering jokes under your breath - making each other clamp their mouth shut to avoid bursting out laughing. Though tipsy, you were very aware of Joe inching closer and closer, while his hand was casually brushing yours or your shoulder or waist more often. You knew this was low, being so blatant in front of Tom. To be quite frank though, should you care? And did he care?

The answer in your head at least, was an almost certain no to both. 

One speech merged into another spent giggling away until Joe did something he didn’t mean. Heck he didn’t even know. His jesting quickly had toppled completely over into absolutely not category. Your brain felt like it was swimming as the name you’d avoided after that incident , almost ten years ago. The flashbacks came thick and fast. You an innocent young actor wanting to make a way in the industry. And him. A powerful, ridiculously important slightly overweight 50 year old with bad breath. That room in the corner of his hotel that you were completely lost in. 

You were going to be sick. 

Somewhere, distantly, you heard Joe saying something… asking you? Asking you if your were good? It was drowned out by a roar in your ears, you jerkily nodded your head. You knew your breathing was jilted, shaky and shallow. You knew your heart was exploding. It actually felt like a heart attack, the way it seemed to be beating as though it were going to break out of your chest. This time you really really needed an out. 

So without any words, leaving a bemused Joe, your chair screeched on the floor as you stood up, garnering the attention of the whole room. The heads literally swivelled to stare at you, judgement clearly there as you frantically half ran to the back of the room, pleading if your head fro the toilet to be nearby. You needed to be away from everyone and safe. 

Thankfully your escaped the room and the beady eyes, locating the bathroom where you threw a cubicle open, shakily locking it before collapsing into the wall in floods of tears, harsh sobs racking your frame as you clutched your hands to your knees and rocked slightly back and fourth. You dress being a full length ballgown was spilling out into the the nearby cubicles and under the door, but presumably you were alone in the loo - not hearing any other signs of life beyond your own sobs. 

This always happened when you had your anxiety attacks. It was like clockwork. Zone out, stop hearing, loose control of breathing, heart starts pounding, make a quick escape to a toilet, cry and then…

Well back before Tom, it had been to throw up. That was the only thing you’d ever found to ground you enough to get your body backorder your own conscious control. It was like a wave of relief after, like the drowning feeling in your lungs had just evaporated away. But the Tom happened. The first time he’d seen you panic he hadn’t a clue what to do either. SO he had just sat with you, not wanting you to be alone in that state and waited. That panic though, had lasted so long that you’d almost made yourself pass out from the hyperventilating. When that had happened, Tom had gone into emergency mode. He had been scared to touch you, in case that made you worse, but when he saw your body going limp he didn’t have a choice. He’d collected you into his arms, with your head against his chest. Being this close to calling an ambulance, the relief Tom felt when your breathing got more and more regular was unparalleled. 

Together, when he had you lying in his bed (recovered, if mortified and exhausted) was when you realised that you hadn’t been sick. And that was because of him. You’d grounded yourself on his heartbeat and breathing, listening to it and making yours sync up. Thats what had saved you that evening. 

Now however, Tom was gone. This was the first panic attack you’d had since he’d been gone. Of course while you were together you were rarely in the same place, even so you’d phone him. But not now. 

This all led to you sat clutching your knees as your mascara dripped down your cheeks as you had to fight to get enough oxygen into your body. You didn’t want to get into that vicious cycle of making yourself ill again. It really hadn’t been healthy.

Who knows how long you were sat there sobbing before you heard the door open and in response you clamped a hand to your mouth trying to stay silent. This irrational fear overcame you as you sat stock still, fearing the footsteps on the marble floor of the fancy function venue. Even the toilets were pretty posh. 

“Y/n?…. It’s-it’s Tom.” Oh. My. Fucking. God. That was all that was going through your brain as you bit you lip - presumably painfully, yet you didn’t really feel pain in your current state.  “Look I saw you leave and I know your on your own tonight… I-I couldn’t leave you on your own if your… well you know.” Everything was going so so fast in your brain, that it actually scared you into stopping crying, so much so you felt your hand flop back down to your side. “…I was waiting outside because I didn’t want to errr you know… but you’ve been 20 minutes so I need to know your good…..okay?”

The boy was too fucking good. And stubborn… he was too stubborn and you knew he wasn’t going to give in. It was also fairly evident that he knew you in here - there was no pretending you didn’t exist. 

“Y/n? Come on you gotta let me know.”

“I’m fine. You-you go.” Only when you spoke was it evident to yourself just how not-okay you really were. Tom just chuckled and spoke again.

“How long have you known me for? That’s just not going to happen is it.” You already knew this, but something about the way he said it made you realise a sad laugh, momentarily making you feel a bit more in control. He seemed to like that response, you heard him bend down and then saw the bottom of his tux as he sat down leaning against your cubicle door.

“Is …is this your first one… since?  You both know what he was talking about. Since you broke up. 

“Uhmm I-“ You swallowed down a fresh rise of nausea, somewhat determined to not throw up when you ex is barely a metre from you. “Yeh I suppose.” In didn’t seem a revelation to Tom, yet he still hummed lowly in response as the room drifted back to silence. 

“You… you wanna try to breath with me?… You don’t have to open the door just…”

Croaking a please in response because this feeling was really blood awful and you wanted it to end, Tom started exaggerating his breathes, as you shakily and eventually managed to start to time it with his. Without thinking, when Tom’s palm snuck half under the door you immediately grabbed and squeezed it - the contact helping to synchronise your body with his. 

It should be an alien feeling after your time apart. But no it felt oh so natural and so very right. 

Once you’d collected yourself and realised how bloody stupid this whole situation was  you withdrew your hand back, loosing the warmth as you shook your head in disapproval of yourself. So very fucking stupid. He was silent for a bit, letting you think things through whilst still sat outside your cubicle. 

“You good now?” You hummed in agreement and you felt Tom’s head fall against the door, looking up to the ceiling. “Want me to go?”

“If you want to” That was met with silence, but a very telling lack of movement that spoke a thousand words.

“You should get out of here… you wanna avoid the trigger again and I mean I know you’re exhausted.” The boy had researched panic disorder and attacks when he found out you suffered with it - he probably knew more of the psychology of it than you, whilst never having any first hand experience of it.  Annoyingly he was right, as per, after attacks you always always slept for hours - it was just a draining process. “I’ll get you a car if you want?…. I’d like to make sure you get back okay if you don’t mind.” With only your cold and empty residual feeling left, his words still managed to ignite a spark of warmth in your chest. 

“I’m not going to ruin your evening Tom.” You tried to refuse even if it was very very forced and very very hopeful he wouldn’t give in. 

“I was having a crappy evening. Sitting in the ladies toilet talking to my ex through a toilet door has actually been the highlight.”He chuckled playfully in a self pitying way, somehow again making you giggle. And so he had you standing on slightly unsteady feet, your black heels held in one hand because no wasn’t the time to put yourself through teetering around on pin needles. The shuffling outside the door meant Tom stood up too - before you unlocked the door and opened it. 

Prior to seeing Tom your eyes locked on the sight of your reflection, in the mirrors above the sinks opposite you. Perhaps the only way to describe it… it was a sight. The shock being in the juxtaposition between the elegant dress, which even having been crumpled on a bathroom floor had somehow managed to survive and still look near the off-the-hanger; but your face? Oh that was a shit show. You’d cried your makeup off almost completely, leaving your face blotchy and shining as well as the ever so telling smudged mascara under your bottom lash line. 

You had to laugh or you’d just start to cry.

“Don’t worry I’ve seen you much worse.” You saw in the reflection as Tom leaned in and whispered in your ear, making your eyes roll and head shake as you looked from him back to you. 

“I look like a paps dream.” Without instruction, Tom bolted into a nearby cubicle, wrapping layers of toilet roll round his hand before offering it to you as a makeshift wipe.

“This is the glamour of Hollywood don’t you know? Wiping your face with bog roll”Thankfully taking it, you offered Tom a thankful smile as he stepped back, giving you space as he leant against another cubicle pillar. Once you finished up blotting your face, Tom had already shrugged off his jacket walking toward you as he offered it out. Tilting your head to the side in a questioning manner Tom just shrugged, saying it’d help avoid the paparazzi just in case. In reality you weren’t so sure, but anyhow you still appreciated the gesture and draped it round your shoulders with a muttering of thanks. 

At this point his phone pinged, the car was outside, so without any words exchanged he led you to the door, checked the hallway was clearly before guided you back to the exit. There didn’t appear to be anybody lurking around, which you were oh so thankful for as you almost threw yourself in to the safety of the blacked out car. Tom followed and you both, almost comically as if scripted, released a sigh in unison as you melted into the seats. That had you chuckling dryly as you sat in silence. 

“You know we can’t move till you say where you’re staying?” Teasing you, Tom shot you that ever mischievous grin that made the blood rush through your skin. After you’d told the driver, the car pulled swiftly out the laibi.

“Did he…did he say something?” Tom’s demeanour had steeled up and you looked questioningly up at him. “Joe… you looked…close.”

“Oh”. You were taken aback. You should have seen this coming to be fair, him asking for the trigger this evening - and yet you were more shocked at his jealousy. How he looked pained to mention Joe by name. “Um no… well sort of…it was a joke. He didn’t mean it but it er…it took me back.” Tom knew your history, he knew what happened all those years ago and he nodded slowly , keeping his eyeline straight ahead. 

“He’s a dick.”

“No he’s not…. He- he was sweet enough . It was all me.”

“What?”

“I pushed myself on him. I-I saw you… I was spooked.” Tom left it to drift back to silence. He had a lot of thinking to do too. 

He’d obviously kept up to date with you. Call it a professional interest. That was the problem being in love with someone when you weren’t allowed to be. But it hurt like hell, especially when he heard what you were doing. Because he knew this wasn’t you. He knew you sleeping around wasn’t going to help you recover - in fact he thought (and quite correctly) it was the opposite. That long term it’d only cause you more and more pain. 

“You know, you don’t have to do this?… I-I know it isn’t you. I’m not insulting or anything I’m… I’m just worried.” You knew he was being truthful . And infuriatingly he was right. Which only made it even more annoying. 

“Why do you care though?” Looking out the window that was all you could think to say. That was your subconscious talking as you didn’t really want the answer. Or you desperately did but you knew it’d be hard to get over. 

“Y/n” He sighed, making you look across at him “I’ve not stopped caring… I’ll never stop caring.”

Wasn’t that just a knife to the heart. You held your breath momentarily, not knowing what to think (nervermind say) in response to that. Everything in that car seemed to freeze, Tom’s eyes piercing the deepest and darkest parts of your mind as he stared at you. You both really weren’t over it. You were both hurting. You missed each other.

And you were about to dive in all over again. 

But then the indicator ticked on. The car pulled to a stop. The ignition switched off by the driver. You were at your hotel. The journeys end - quite literally. 

Tom felt it too. He knew if ever there was a chance, however rogue and unlikely, of you two working things out it was within this journey. And he’d failed.

“I-uh…I-this is me” Stammering through, distracted by the way Tom’s eyes shone with disappointment. 

‘Yeh - yeh it is I guess.”

“Well er… thanks for, well you know… for saving me. You er-you really didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to”

“Yeh well er thanks…. And er-Oh! Your jacket” You realised, already tugging the tailored suit jacket from your shoulders. 

“No no it’s really okay. I have loads anyway.” See?In Hollywood you really weren’t allowed to wear the same thing twice. 

“Oh-okay. Well er….I’ll see you around I guess?”

“Can I walk you to your room, just to-check no one bothers you?” Tom was trying. Desperately trying. He could feel you slipping through his fingers again, this time he wanted to put up more of a fight. You shook your head thought, a sad smile gracing your lips. 

“I’d say yes but I think I know where that’d end up…. And I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Defeatedly nodding, Tom just smiled in a tight-lipped fashion, equally as sadly at you. 

“I’ll errr I’ll see you around.” While gathering yourself and preparing to exit the car, your hand on the door handle. Tom responded with a ‘yeh’ but before you left you leaned over and pressed a kiss to his cheek, before whispering under your breath..

“Thankyou Tom.”

part 2 ish of sorts --> link

[dukeofonions]

The Problem With Asides

Before I get into anything I want to clarify that this is not going to be a criticism of the two Asides episodes we’ve gotten so far. This is a critique of the concept of Sanders Asides as a separate series from the original Sanders Sides. A second note I want to make is that this is, just as all my other posts are, a personal opinion. This is not meant to be an attack on anyone, just a general criticism from a confused writer and viewer of the show. 

And final disclaimer: A lot of what I’m going to say is based on information that I no longer have available. It’ll mostly be me recalling things I heard and if I at any point get something wrong please feel free to let me know. 

That being said, let’s get into this, shall we? 

(Fair warning this post is very long hence why I’ve divided it into parts so feel free to read then come back as you wish)

Part One: The Concept of Asides

Some time ago last year, I believe shortly after Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts came out, was when the idea for Sanders Asides was first announced. The basic concept of it being shorter, more lighthearted videos focusing on the Sides outside of the main storyline. This format would allow them to give us more Sides content in between the long waits for the main series since those episodes were beginning to take more time to produce. 

Of course, everyone was eager for more Sides, so the majority of people were excited. Not only that but due to the main series tackling heavier themes, the episodes were becoming more angsty with less time for the characters to just relax and goof off with each other. The idea of having episodes reminiscent of the low stakes, sillier, happier content of season one was a welcome break from the more complex episodes and would be a nice return to form for the series. 

We were also informed that these episodes would be much simpler than their main series counterparts and wouldn’t disrupt the work being done on Sanders Sides, which meant we didn’t have to worry about long gaps between the main story episodes, right? 

(Another disclaimer: I am perfectly aware of the main reason why we were not given as much content last year and am not blaming Thomas or the team for doing what was necessary to keep themselves safe and hope they continue to do so as this continues into the new year)

Jump to November 22, 2019, where we got our first official episode of Sanders Asides, roughly five months after DWIT came out. Which, for this fandom, was record time to get more content and I was pleasantly surprised by how quickly they were able to get this out. Though at the same time, I wondered why it took five months to make what was meant to be a short, simple episode. 

So imagine my surprise when I went to watch the episode and saw it was nearly 20 minutes long. Which, okay, isn’t that bad when you compare it to the lengths of the more recent Sanders Sides episodes. But at the time, I was under the impression that the Asides would be, well, much shorter. The longest I expected would be maybe 15 minutes, but you know what? It’s the first episode and it has been a while since we’ve had Sides content, so maybe they wanted to give us a little extra due to the long wait. 

I started the episode and at first, I was overjoyed when I saw the first shot of all the Sides sitting in the living room in their onesies about to have a movie night. This was exactly what I’d been hoping to see from this series! It’s pretty much a staple thing in the fandom for the Sides to have movie nights together, and now it was happening in canon! 

At the moment, I had high hopes for this series and was filled with joy. 

Then that hope and joy were immediately crushed when I realized this was yet just another Virgil-centric angst episode. In fact, this entire episode was, well, exactly like a regular Sanders Sides episode. Sure, there were some jokes here and there, but the tone of the episode was no lighter than the last Sanders Sides episode. If anything DWIT felt lighter in comparison to this one. 

Which leads me to ask, what the heck happened? 

Part Two: Literally the Same Show

At this point in time, we’ve only had two episodes of Asides. Usually, I try to hold off my judgment of a series until I’ve had at least one other episode to see if my original criticisms still stand. 

To be fair, I did think Flirting With Social Anxiety was a step in the right direction. More comedy, a lighter tone, yes. Perfect. But again, just like with Are There Healthy Distractions? This episode quickly dove right back into the angst pool, and just like ATHD it was a pretty long episode, clocking in at almost 25 minutes. 

Not only that but again, both FWSA and ATHD don’t feel any different from the episodes we’ve been getting in Sanders Sides. 

1. They’re just as angsty.

2. Roughly the same length as Sanders Sides episodes.

3. Take about just as long to produce.

4. Contain a lesson to be learned. 

Which, okay, you can have lessons in lighter shows too, but we’re already getting that in Sanders Sides and Sanders Asides was described as, well, being less plot heavy. Yet so far both episodes are still tied in with the main plot. 

ATHD deals with the aftermath of DWIT, not directly but it’s pretty obvious that the whole thing with Virgil’s reveal at the end of that episode is being addressed in the background. Which, kind of takes away the impact of that ending, but I’ll get to that later. 

Then FWSA takes place after Putting Others First and again, is dealing with things from that episode in the background. Again though, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It makes sense to see the characters dealing with things from past events.

So why is it a problem here? Because, again, Sanders Asides is meant to be a separate series, and all the subtext brought on from the episodes in Sanders Sides makes the plots in these two episodes confusing. 

For example, I was perplexed during my first watch of FWSA because I couldn’t understand why the focus of the conflict was lying. I didn’t understand why Virgil and Roman came to the conclusion that Thomas’ reason for being unable to approach Nico was because he was lying to himself, when both the title of the episode and what we were shown points more to, well, social anxiety being the problem. 

(Quick note: One could argue that this was done purposefully to have Virgil putting the blame on Janus since he doesn’t like him and wouldn’t want to admit that he was the one responsible, but this series has had a bad habit of favoring Virgil in the past so until we get more answers I’m gonna leave this on the backburner) 

It didn’t help that I had no idea when this episode was meant to take place in the timeline, and I originally thought it could take place a bit after season two since Roman and Virgil seemed to be doing better, but more on them later.

All of this bugged me until I found out that FWSA takes place after POF, and after watching the live stream that followed and getting some more context, the lying thing made a bit more sense, but the fact that I was as confused as I was just caused more frustration to build up. And I wasn’t the only one who got thrown off by the “Lying is wrong” message of FWSA so I had to ask again, why was this episode a Sanders Asides when apparently, you need information from the last Sanders Sides episode in order to understand it?

So you’re telling me, that the second episode in what is supposed to be a separate series that isn’t meant to be a part of the main plot, is now integral to the plot of the main story you’re telling in what is, as you have said, a separate show? How does that make any sense? 

Okay, one could argue that Thomas getting a love interest doesn’t really fit with the current storyline that’s going on in Sanders Sides, and that is a fair point. The problem with that is, FWSA takes place right after Putting Others First. 

You all remember what happened at the end of that episode, right?

Part Three: Intrusive Plots

At this point we’ve all become rather accustomed to the long waits in between videos, it’s nothing new to us, and for the most part they haven’t done anything to harm the current plot of Sanders Sides. Sure, the length of time between videos can cause people to lose interest, but for the most part the tone of the last three episodes of Sanders Sides hasn’t differed much and the story flow is still going along smoothly. 

Let’s start with Selfishness vs Selflessness, which is the episode that sets up the big climax for season two. It’s still got its jokes and funny moments, but the overall tone is far more serious than previous episodes have been. This carries on into DWIT where Thomas has been so stressed out lately that he’s begun to have trouble with his intrusive thoughts. 

Virgil even gives a pretty good summary of Thomas’ current mental state: “He recently realized he’s a bigger liar than he thought he was, he doesn’t understand himself, he’s committed to skipping a big callback, and he’s sleep-deprived. So yeah, he feels like a piece of dirt who has no control over his life.”

And all that was a direct result of the ending of SVS, despite DWIT not being the direct follow up to that episode the two are still intertwined. Remember that for later.

DWIT ends with the long awaited reveal of Virgil having been a “Dark Side.” Even though the majority of the fandom had figured it out by as early as Can Lying Be Good? That didn’t take away from the emotional gut punch that this scene was and it’s one of my favorite moments from the series. I may have to make a whole post breaking that scene down but what matters is that this scene was a turning point for Virgil’s character.

We’ve seen him trying to hide the truth from Thomas ever since Janus and Remus started popping up, and there were close calls with both of them nearly revealing it themselves and continuously dropping hints to Thomas. Only for Virgil to admit it to Thomas himself, and leave before Thomas can even say a word. 

We don’t know for sure how Thomas is feeling in this moment, but it’s clear he’s been shaken by this. He doesn’t really have a lot of time to process it before he remembers to acknowledge the audience and close out the video. 

This comes up again once we finally get to the monster of an episode that is POF, the follow up to SVS that everyone had been waiting over a year for. Right away we see that Patton and Roman will be at the forefront of this discussion with Logan popping up every now and then, but who doesn’t show up in this episode despite having played a role in SVS? 

Virgil. 

He’s nowhere to be seen and his absence is definitely felt. Why wouldn’t he be part of this discussion? He was there in SVS and had a lot to say on the matter, he was even part of the decision to choose the wedding over the callback! So why wasn’t he there? 

Well, just look at the ending of DWIT and there’s your answer. Of course he isn’t about to show his face after that. Not when Thomas is already under so much stress already and he isn’t sure how Thomas will react to seeing him-

*insert random voice whispering off to the side*

 Wait, Virgil has seen Thomas since DWIT? When? 

*whispers continue*

Oh, right, they interacted in Sanders Asides. How did that go again? 

*whispers explain*

Huh? Thomas said he’s cool with Virgil despite revealing that he’s been hiding something from him this whole time? That “something” being the fact that Virgil was once considered part of the others that were currently making Thomas’ life miserable?

*whispers confirm*

Really? They’re both okay with each other now? Well, good for them. 

So wait, then why didn’t Virgil show up in POF? He was there during the first discussion and honestly he’d have more of a reason to show up than Logan who wasn’t really present at all in SVS. 

*whispers explain* 

He just wasn’t need there? Hm, alright. Guess that makes sense… 

Well okay, Virgil and Thomas are on good terms once POF rolls around, Virgil isn’t present during the conversation because he isn’t needed and I suppose his presence would make things worse. Especially once Janus revealed himself, he wouldn’t allow him to get a word in. Even though Janus could probably silence him but I digress. 

Fast forward towards the ending of POF, remember when I said to remember how SVS and DWIT were connected? Well DWIT is just as important to POF, acting as a bit of bridge between to the two episodes. 

Janus brings up Remus (both directly and indirectly) twice in this episode.

First here:

 Notice how Roman’s breakdown is already being foreshadowed here, the camera focusing on him while “Logan” says this isn’t an accident. 

The second time Remus is brought up is at the very end after Janus has revealed his name:

“Oh, Roman thank God you don’t have a mustache. Otherwise between you and Remus, I wouldn’t know who the evil twin is.” 

(No I am not posting screenshots of this scene I already got emotional over the last one)

As we saw at the end of DWIT, Roman does not have a good relationship with is brother. So much so that when Thomas refers to Remus as such, Roman creates a different analogy that compares Remus to a mirror, reflecting everything Roman doesn’t want to be. 

Roman desperately wants to distance himself from Remus, not wanting anything to do with him. We’ve only gotten a glimpse of just how far this loathing goes, and part of that comes from Roman finally breaking down after being told by Janus that if it wasn’t for a mustache there’d be no difference between him and Remus.

This shook Roman more than anything else in the show has so far, moreso than him being the one to decide that Thomas should give up the callback. He was the one that pushed Thomas to make that decision, believing it was the noble thing to do, only for it to only make Thomas feel worse and then be told by Janus that his “noble sacrifice” was all for nothing. 

Janus, the one who had been supporting Roman throughout SVS, buttering him up and encouraging him to go after his dream, told him that his sacrifice was worthless. Then to top it all off Janus admits what he did and brushes it off as a joke. He doesn’t apologize to Roman, leaving him in the dust, then when Roman responds by laughing at his name he’s shot down even lower. 

And when he looks to Thomas and Patton for help, for answers, anything.

They stay silent.

Patton tries to reassure him, telling Roman that they love him, but he doesn’t believe it. He sinks out, and that’s the last we see of him.

Selfishness vs Selflessness, Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts, and Putting Others First are three of the biggest (and dare I say most important) episodes in the series. The three almost act like a trilogy, with POF leading to something bigger, the season finale. Which will be culmination of all three of these episodes. 

We’ll be seeing Virgil’s reaction to Janus having been accepted by Patton and facing his own past as a “Dark Side.” Then we’ll find out what has become of Roman after he disappeared at the end of POF, and how it now affects his relationship with Thomas.

*whispers return and begin to whisper*

I’m sorry what?

*whispers repeat*

Virgil already knows about Janus getting somewhat accepted? Well okay I guess he would, wish we could have seen his reaction to that but oh well, no big deal. At least we got the Roman and Thomas confrontation to look forward to. 

*whispers whisper*

Roman has already interacted with Thomas since POF? When?!

*whisper* 

In FWSA? Oh yeah, how did that go again? It was super awkward right? Since Roman doesn’t really trust that Thomas loves or values him?

*whisperly whisper*

They get along just fine as if nothing happened? 

*whispersty*

It looks like he might still be upset with him since he’s being a bit passive aggressive? 

*whisper* 

Can’t really tell because the three are too busy trying to talk to a cute guy at the mall? 

Okay, I guess that all makes sense… 

Looks like Roman and Virgil still aren’t on the best terms with Thomas but are able to push that aside to help him talk to this handsome stranger, and hey, it worked! Thomas now has a boyfriend! Just look at Roman and Virgil at the end, they’re both so happy with Thomas! 

Looks like now they can focus on this new chapter in their life and leave the events of POF behind them. I mean, now that Roman and Virgil seem pretty cool with Thomas it would just feel weird to suddenly have them angry with him again, wouldn’t it?

Part Four: The Problem

Sanders Asides was originally described as being a series separate from the main storyline of Sanders Sides. Promising us shorter, less complicated episodes to give us a little something in between the longer, heavier episodes in Sanders Sides. This was a great idea that ended up falling apart the moment it began. 

When I was going through SVS, DWIT, and POF I mentioned that the three of them felt like a trilogy. All three of them link together to tell one bigger story, and on their own they get the job done. They set up the season finale perfectly to the point where you have an idea of what to expect and what to look forward to. 

The main things being the aftermath of Virgil’s reveal and Roman’s breakdown, which would most likely cultivate in them teaming up against Janus. This would also involve Virgil coming to terms with his past and Roman having to face Remus. 

Of course, none of this has been officially confirmed, but given everything we’ve seen up to this point it just makes sense. 

The story for season two is nearly complete, all we’re missing is the conclusion. 

Then Sanders Asides showed up and threw everything off course. What was supposed to be its own thing crept into a story that was already (for all we knew) set up and being put into place. 

We were told that the Asides wouldn’t do anything to disrupt the flow of Sanders Sides, yet it’s been confirmed that there will be one or two more episodes of Asides before we get the season finale. 

Why? Why are these episodes necessary when everything was set to move forward after POF? If these episodes are that important that they absolutely have to be made before the finale then why are they simply not part of the main series? 

You could say “Well they’re not directly tied to the main plot, that’s why.” But need I remind you that Asides as a concept was just intriduced after DWIT came out? These episodes were written specifcally for Asides, which unless I’m wrong means that they were just added into the main story with no planning whatsoever. 

FWSA honestly feels like it should have been the start of season three, something that should have waited to be introduced after season two wrapped up because it’s just too much. 

We already have so much to unpack from SVS, DWIT, and POF now we also have a new love interest on top of that? 

Virgil and Thomas’ resolution doesn’t even feel all that special because it wasn’t talked about directly between them. Thomas was indirectly letting Virgil know they were still okay, so what does that leave for us? All that build up about Virgil being a “Dark Side” only for it to be brushed over like it was nothing, and this happened in an Asides episode, not even in the main series. 

It also makes Virgil’s absence in POF confusing when they had already set up the perfect reason for him to be absent in DWIT, but according to the first episode of ATHD Virgil and Thomas are okay with each other. Sure, Virgil being there might have made things worse but at that point everyone was making things worse. 

We no longer have a confrontation between Thomas and Roman to look forward to because in FWSA we see them interacting as normal. Even the passive agressiveness isn’t anything new to Roman and really, it all just sounds super petty which he had been known to behave like that even when nothing is seriously wrong. Not only that Roman is overjoyed at the end, having finally gotten something he desperately wanted, the happy ending he deserved.

All that’s left for him is to fave his feelings towards Remus, but what would even happen there?

The problem with Asides isn’t the quality of the episodes, FWSA is actually one of my favorite episodes. The problem with Asides is that the team is taking what should have been something small and turning it into a far too elaborate for what its original purpose was: To give us more lighthearted content to enjoy in between the waits for the heavier episodes.

Instead it just feels like they’re adding onto something that really didn’t need adding on to, creating more work for themselves when it just isn’t necessary, and that worries me.

Final Thoughts

Honestly, it’s hard for me to make all these judgments when no one has any idea what the finale is going to be like. And usually, the team is able to excede my expectations and create something amazing. 

But with all these new Asides episodes that feel like they’re just being crammed in at the last second, it makes me wonder how the rest of the series will go if they continue down this road. 

Season two started September 1st, 2017, it is now January 3rd, 2021. Throughout season two the production of episodes became more elaborate, and there have been complications that arose from trying to make these videos as a result that sent production screeching to a halt. And on top of that, these Sanders Asides have been added to create even more work for Thomas and the team.

I don’t understand why they’d do this to themselves when it’s already become more difficult than ever to make videos in general, not just Sanders Sides. 

We were offered something simple that would have satisfied everyone during the difficult times, only to be given something that honestly, wasn’t even needed. I do appreciate Thomas trying to get us more content, but I don’t think he or the team realizes just how content we’d all be with just a five minute video of the characters we love just doing something as simple as hanging out and having fun, especially with how dark things have become all around us. 

We don’t always have to be watching these characters struggle, sometimes we just need to see them be genuinely happy.

(Thanks to everyone who took time to read this monster of a post, I did not mean for it to get this long but it’s been dwelling on my mind for a while and I wanted to make sure I got out everything I wanted to say. Again, this is all just a personal opinions and you are not obligated to agree with me. If you have an objecting opinion I would not mind hearing it but please keep any discussions civil.)

[teruthecreator]

sweet surprises

lord forgive me for the cringe i’m about to post. i fully blame this post and this post for planting the seeds of berdley having a crush on kris in my brain. also shouts out to izel for listening to me go insane at 3 AM about this. 

anyways, here’s a thing. 

______________________________________________________________

Excitement is in the air.

Unlike the usual calm monotony of life at school, things recently have been quite...electric. Not because of the portal to the Dark World hidden behind the door of the closet, or the adventures had by a select group of students through the portal in the Librarby a few days ago. No, this isn’t about that.

This is about the Sadie Hawkman’s Dance. The once-a-year phenomenon where the school puts on its best interpretation of a formal dance for the incredibly small number of students who attend class. Students buzz in excitement for the event, preparing their most formal outfits and getting ready to dazzle their friends and fellow classmates with their dramatic entrances into the auditorium.

And, of course, there’s the all important ritual of asking someone to the dance.

There’s already been a few proposals made this week. Jockington rolled into class like a hula hoop and asked Catti to be his “best bro” for the dance, to which she happily agreed. (And by that, I mean she looked up from her phone, smiled, said not a single word, and went back to typing.) Temmie loudly announced to the class that she would be taking her egg, which was somehow...embarrassed that she mentioned it. And, of course, Noelle finally managed to work up enough courage to ask Susie to the dance. It was done in an incredible display of candy canes that spelled out the phrase: “CAN(E) YOU BE MY DATE TO THE DANCE?” Unfortunately, Susie was about halfway through scarfing the display down before she realized what it said. She then began choking on one of the candy canes out of disbelief, which wound her in the nurse for the rest of the day. But, when she could speak again, she very quietly agreed to Noelle’s proposal (and, if you happened to be a fly on the wall in that room, you could hear a tail thump rhythmically against the doctor’s bench as she did so).

Kris was pleased with everything. They were happy to see their friends so happy together. A long time coming, if you asked them. And they’d be just as happy attending the dance solo, since they’ll undoubtedly be dragged along by Susie. They’d never gone to the dance before--never had a reason to, truth be told. But with their newfound friends, they may just enjoy being a wingman for the night.

...Speaking of wingmen, Berdly will probably be going solo as well. Unsurprising, but Kris makes a mental note to ensure the bird will be in attendance. As much as he is kind of a lot sometimes, he’s their friend. And Kris is going to make sure all of their friends are having fun at that dance!

They walk into class thinking of this (surprisingly early, for a change), which is why they almost miss the massive display sitting boldly atop their desk. They freeze the instant it catches their eye and, for a second, they almost believe it isn’t real. Like some leftover thoughts of the Dark World lingering in their vision. But, after wiping their eyes and seeing that it’s still there, they decide to approach and...investigate.

The display is expertly crafted by someone who clearly knows their way around a glue gun. It is a heart-shaped arch that is decorated with a myriad of printed illustrations of Super Smashing Fighters Melee characters, all having cut-outs to hold different bars of chocolate. There are also numerous origami hearts glued around the characters on the arch, in colors spanning across the rainbow. The arch is painted in swirls of blues, pinks, and reds and covered with a border of glitter that sprinkles onto the desk when Kris reaches out to pluck a chocolate bar from its perch. On the desk itself is a big origami heart that says “TO KRIS” in gold calligraphy. It is by far one of the coolest, nicest, cheesiest things Kris has ever seen.

They look up from the display to see if anyone else is seeing this shit, and that’s when it all clicks.

Because sitting at the front of the classroom, fidgeting way more than normal, is Berdly. He keeps interlocking his ankles underneath his desk before unlocking them and kicking the air, turning around every half-second or so to try and catch Kris’s reaction. From the brief moments Kris can see the front of him, they notice he’s not in his usual white collared shirt and black khaki shorts. Instead, his shirt is buttoned all the way up, with a nice blue bowtie tied around his neck. He also traded out his khaki shorts for a pair of dress pants that look to be a tad too long for his legs. He keeps reaching up to smooth out the feathers on his head, which immediately stick back up from stress.

Now, Kris may be a straight B student, but they’re not stupid. Context clues are a very good thing, and all signs point to Berdly as the culprit of this public display of...affection?

Beyond Berdly is Ms. Alphys at her desk, who shoots Kris a look of deep understanding and maybe...guilt? She looks at Berdly for a split second and shrugs her shoulders, indicating he was probably in here long before she was and so she had no way of stopping him from leaving it there.

Kris looks back down at the display and picks up the large origami heart. As they begin to unfold it, they see a sprawling letter written in the same flashy calligraphy. Kris squints at the letters--they’re dyslexic, so everything kind of just looks like spaghetti on paper. Still, they’re able to make out the largely printed question of “WILL YOU GO TO THE DANCE WITH ME?” with no issue.

Huh, guess they won’t be going to the dance alone after all…? It’s a little confusing as to why Berdly would want to go with them, though. Like, they’ve hung out a little bit--usually whenever Berdly wanted a “worthy rival” to play video games with, he would come over and Kris would whoop his ass for a few hours. And, of course, there were the recent events in the Cyber World; but Kris is pretty sure them and Susie had thoroughly convinced Noelle and Berdley that that was all a dream. So, why them?

They’re lost in this train of thought for so long that they don’t even notice the other kids enter the room until they suddenly hear:

“Yo, Kris???????? What the heck is this thing????” Susie’s voice doesn’t startle them, but it is loud enough to get them to look up. Susie is standing next to their desk, looking at the display with genuine amazement thinly masked by disgust. She’s also loud enough to basically stop the whole class (who were all muttering amongst themselves about it anyway), which gives Kris only a second to gaze around the room before--

SLAM!

The door to the classroom slams shut, leaving one seat unoccupied.

Berdley’s.

“This thing’s got chocolate on it????” Susie continues to marvel at the display while Kris looks at the door, frowning. They feel...bad. It isn’t Berdley’s fault for trying to fit in with the other kids' proposals; he admitted to feeling like he needs to do more just to stand out enough for people to acknowledge him back in the Dark World. And this thing is really...thoughtful! The characters are all ones Kris typically mains, or ones they know Berdley mains, which means he remembers things about Kris. And the chocolate is a given, but it is nice to be able to stock their personal snack stash with some fancy stuff. Ultimately, it’s very sweet, and Kris can’t help but feel a little guilty for not saying anything immediately.

They turn and lock eyes with Ms. Alphys, who looks extremely out-of-depth with this situation. She makes a number of gestures from them to the door in a flustered way of saying I have absolutely no idea what the hell is going on please help me Kris I know I’m asking a lot of you but I don’t know how to deal with teenage angst I’m like thirty-five. They sigh, standing up and walking past Susie (but not before giving her a stare that warns her if a single chocolate bar is gone that they will be holding that over her until the day she dies) and following Berdly out the door.

It doesn’t take Kris very long to follow the trail of labored breathing to where Berdley is--in the abandoned classroom, hyperventilating as he teeters on a breakdown. Luckily, when Kris opens the door, it seems to put a halt to his spiralling because he just kind of...freezes. Like a deer caught in headlights. Or a Berdley caught in Kris-lights. Kris takes this moment to let the door shut behind them, trapping the two in here. Together.

“U-Uhhhhh, hi--he--Um. H-Hello, K-Kris…” Berdly attempts to put on his usual bravado, but his voice betrays him brutally by squeaking and cracking on every syllable. Kris can’t help the smile that comes to their face.

“Uh, hey,” they reply with a wave. Berdley continues to stand there and stare (almost like he wasn’t expecting Kris to care enough to follow him) before the present circumstances return to his mind and he begins breathing hard again.

“I-I-I-I, uh...I was. Um. J-Just, uh. G-Getting some fresh air! Y-Yes! The classroom can be s-so stuffy sometimes, I’m sure y-you--you, uh...you agree?” Berdley makes a valiant attempt at hiding his panic, which Kris almost takes pity on. But they don’t think the monster will feel any better if they just pretend what happened back there never happened.

“Yeah. I liked the display.” Kris says simply. Berdley stands stock-straight at that, looking even worse for wear in the “being normal and completely cool” department.

“O-Oh??????? That ol’ thing????? I, um--well I just--y-you see, I--uh. Um,” You can really hear the gears in his head turning as he attempts to come up with an excuse. “I-I-I just thought you w-would appreciate the craftsmanship of!!! A t-true artisan, such as myself!!! So, I!!! M-Made it!!! COMPLETELY PLATONICALLY, OF COURSE!!!! I-I would never imply that my intentions w-were anything other than for bro-sies, i--You didn’t read that whole card, did you?”

“I can’t read,” They mean this as a joke, but they can see Berdley seriously consider this for a second too long. “Dude, I’m dsylexic. I can’t really read cursive…” Berdley freezes up once more, which makes Kris realize they haven’t really projected that as loudly as they might’ve thought.

“Oh! Right! How could I forget! That you’re! Dsylexic!” Berdley’s smile is stapled to his face as he begins to rhythmically knock on his head. “And I! Wrote! That! Entire! Note! In! Cursive! Which! You! Can’t! Read!!!” Kris steps forward in an attempt to keep Berdley from bashing his own skull in, but that only makes Berdley more tense, so they take a step back. “I-I just--The note isn’t important! None of it’s important actually can we forget this interaction ever happened okay? Okay yes that’s great have a wonderful day Kris I will be returning home to sitinmyroomandneverreturntothecorporealrealmalrightgoodbyeforeverKris--” He attempts to sidestep around Kris and out the door, but is very easily intercepted.

“Stop.” Kris grabs him by the shoulders, which seems to shut him up for a second. “Can you just tell me what’s wrong?” Berdley gapes at them as his face steadily grows redder, which makes Kris feel as if there’s something on their face. But he quickly shakes it off, going from completely neurotic to...dejected.

“I just…” He starts, trailing off immediately. “You deserve to have a big proposal, same as everyone else. I-I see you in the back of the class, just...watching. And I, uh, felt it was time to...give you the spotlight! But that was silly of me, wasn’t it?” He looks off to the side at the floor, smiling sadly. “After all, who’d want to go to the dance with me…? I-I’m alone every year, standing in the background. Just kind of...taking it all in...and th-thinking about how it’d be...nice to be a part of it. But that’s...not probable. It was just nice to think about taking you to the dance because you’re--well, you’re nice to me, and you’re funny, and you actually listen to me when I’m talking, an-and you’re a good person and an incredible gaming legend...but I shouldn’t have put it all on you in front of everyone...I’m. I’m sorry, Kris.” He won’t make eye contact with the human, but Kris can still see the tears collecting in his eyes.

“Berdley, that’s stupid.” Kris says, which Berdley cringes at, “Why wouldn’t I wanna go with you?” That part is...not what Berdley was expecting. He looks up at Kris, unsure of where to go from here.

“U-Um…? Because of all the previously stated things? Like me being a complete loser who nobody likes?”

“I like you,” Kris replies immediately, leaving Berdley’s feathers sticking straight up as he flusters. “And I like your display. It’s...really sweet.”

“E-Even if you can’t read the note?” Berdley’s voice cracks.

“I mean, I could read the: WILL YOU GO WITH ME TO THE DANCE part, so, like. Yeah.” Kris shrugs. “Plus, you got me chocolate. Nice chocolate. Nobody...gets me things like that.” They smile, a light dusting of blush across their face. “I’ll go with you.” Berdley’s entire body seizes up for the third time, eyes wide and mouth agape.

“W-W-w-W-w-w-w-w-W-W-W-w-w-w-Wh-Wha-wh-w-w-wha-wha-w-wh-Wh-Wha-wh-Wha-wha-w-w-W-W-W--” Berdley continues to struggle with the word “what” for a solid minute and a half before he’s finally about to manage a: “What?!” Kris can’t help but laugh.

“I said that, Berdley,” at this, they move their grip from his shoulders to his hands, “I will go to the Sadie Hawkman’s dance with you.”

The circuits in Berdley’s brain struggle with this frequency for an extended moment before his face erupts in the giddiest smile Kris has ever seen the bird monster sport. He even begins to jump up and down, taking Kris along with him, as he cackles. It is a surprisingly cute display that Kris finds themselves blushing a bit at. It’s nice to be this...cared about.

“I-I--We have to start thinking of outfits immediately!” Berdley blurts out, returning to their usual demeanor. “I was thinking of some complimentary color schemes on the way to school today which I will be happy to show you at lunchtime. I’m also a master with a sewing machine, so if you are unable to procure an outfit that meets the color requirements, I would be delighted to take your measurements and--w-wait, don’t read into that phrasing, I just m-meant that I could make an outfit for you! B-But I’d need your measurements, and--Oh, goodness, hasn’t class started already, Kris?! We should head back, but--” He looks from the door to Kris and back again a few times before finally settling on something.

“I’lltalktoyouaboutthislaterseeyouinclassKris!!!!!” He says this right before he gives Kris a solitary peck on the cheek before bolting out of the abandoned classroom, leaving Kris blinking at the Berdley-shaped cloud he left behind. Their hand gently grazes the spot on their cheek--luckily not actually pecked by his beak, but more of a quick-kiss kind of peck--and feel their heart skip a beat.

Huh.

That’s...different.

They elect to not dwell on that feeling any longer and head back to class. They have to make sure Susie hasn’t eaten all of the chocolate on that display.

They wouldn’t want to make Berdley go through the trouble of re-proposing  just so they could rightfully claim their other sweet surprise.

[jcs-study]

Here, before moving on, we come to the final major change to "Gethsemane," one that is part of the licensed show today, and one that many long-time fans of JCS feel does severe damage to the show's central conceit.

I chose John Legend's version here not necessarily for any love for his performance (don't you get me wrong, brilliant performer, I've loved him since "Ordinary People" first dropped, but vocally entirely wrong for the role in the one moment that counted, as you can hear in this track compared to a myriad of other versions), but because it is, to my knowledge, the first major recording of this particular revision as it was finally "frozen."

Of course, as with the previous post, I'll have to provide some context.

(CW / TW: hard as it may be to believe or understand without context, this post includes mention of genitalia traditionally associated with cis males or those AMAB. If you don't wanna hear about "the D," don't click below me. If it helps, it's not prurient or exploitative.)

A Source of Embarrassment

When I first started this analysis and started writing in particular about lyric revisions in JCS over the years, I'm sure I said at some point -- and if I didn't, I'm saying it now -- that many of Tim Rice's changes to the show's words have been either the result of pursuing a better rhyme or an attempt to eliminate old embarrassments. It is my understanding that the latter is what prompted this particular refinement, and, unfortunately for him (in the unlikely event he ever reads this), I'm going to explain just what was so bad in great detail.

Apparently, it's annoyed Sir Tim no end over the years that a certain lyric in "Gethsemane" has become a punchline to many listeners. Namely, "God thy will is hard," when sung without proper -- ahem -- diction, can sound like a reference to a penis in its aroused state. (Hey, we already covered perception of smut where it didn't exist in Act I, we can't turn back now!)

You'll think I'm joking, but see for yourself: type the phrase "god thy willy's hard" in quotes into Google and look at what turns up. You'll learn that this puerile joke has surprising longevity; even after the offending line was removed, like J.C. himself the gag refuses to die.

So how did Tim heal this grievous wound that'd been festering for decades? Ben Forster, who played the title role in the 2012-13 arena tour, told the story on an episode of the podcast Inside the West End. You can listen to it here if you're an Apple user, and here if you're on Android or just the plain old Internet, but I'll do you a favor and summarize it below.

This laugh was an antique by the time Ben was cast as Jesus, and apparently, he was painfully aware of the possibility of being misconstrued. He went to great lengths in rehearsals to ensure his delivery would not lead to laughs from the punters, which was certainly worth considering given the typical arena audience, and so initially felt insulted when he received an email from Sir Tim during intermission of opening night (!) with the new lyric he would sing in its stead. Hadn't he done his best? Was it not good enough?

Once it was clarified that his diction wasn't the problem, just the line, he -- and the hosts of the podcast, when he told the story -- opined that it seemed a tad late for Tim to decide the issue needed to be addressed post-haste, but addressed it was, and so it has stayed. (To the point that even Ted Neeley, not known for his admiration of new choices in JCS, has adopted this change in the lyric in recent European performances. Tim's attendance, to be sure, may have been a motivator, but given how Ted has typically played the part in the context of his American productions, which I've written about before, his acceptance is not especially surprising, as it fits the largely typical dramaturgy whenever he steps into the robe onstage.)

Lyrical Differences

Initially, the replacement for the long-time offender was:

GOD THY WILL BE DONE TAKE THY ONLY SON

That's how it appears in the current libretto, and in the filmed performance of the arena tour.

However, Rice has since polished it up to better fit the scansion of the melody:

GOD THY WILL BE DONE DESTROY YOUR ONLY SON

This variant appears in the currently licensed score and can be heard in recent audience-shot clips of Ted's "Gethsemane" in Europe, among other performances by a myriad of performers, both male, and female-presenting, including John Legend above.

The Analysis

Well, for starters, it would appear Tim didn't forget that he'd intended to reference the classic version of the Lord's Prayer with his use of King James English (see the first "Gethsemane" post), albeit now the reference has become a quotation. But many fans feel he did forget something more fundamental in the process.

I'll remind you of part of what he said about what inspired him to write JCS (the full quote is in the same post linked above):

...Christ in Superstar is seen only as a man because Judas saw him only as a man. But even Judas has his doubts; before his suicide, flailing desperately, accusing Jesus of bringing about his death -- perhaps Jesus was God! Perhaps he was, but in Superstar the question is left open.

More than that, he was once downright insistent about what side he took on the divinity vs. humanity question, in my opinion, and why it worked in JCS' context:

Some have said that the work fails because the Jesus of Superstar is never seen to be capable of the inspiration that led him to be considered divine, but even if they can't take that as read, it is Jesus as a man facing death who is the protagonist in Superstar. He is greater because, whether God or not, he had human failings and fears, and these must have dominated his final days on earth. Were he simply God, his suffering would have been non-existent.

As far as die-hard fans are concerned, the new lyric, at least if taken literally, blows "leaving it open" out of the water. They feel that Jesus defining himself as the Son of God negates one of the central questions of the narrative, one which is left unanswered for a reason, and that he should never weigh in on his own divinity in the story. Consequently, they've criticized it at every turn, on a spectrum ranging from merely "stupid" to "the worst lyric change in the show's history."

Me? I'm an easygoing guy. I like people to be happy. I know what I sing in my head, and I feel the original is much stronger, but I have sympathy both for Rice's plight and for his hurt pride. Bearing this in mind, I'll note that, while I prefer the original and strongly recommend just using it, it's actually easy to substitute a rhyme that preserves the character's ambiguity while keeping the rhyme change (for example, concluding the couplet with "If I must be the one" comes to mind, bratty as it might sound).

Coming Up Next:

Uh-oh, the party's over. This is a bust. Or at least that's how it looks in "The Arrest."

[nightswithkookmin]

Hey Goldy,

feel free to disagree but i was thinking about the whole jimin wanting to bulid muscles thing and i remembered blood sweat and tears era....the whole thing back then was that he was pushing himself to look like what an idol is 'supposed' to look like. so right now him trying to bulid muscles might be bcuz he wants to look more like a perfect idol and just have the kind of body that is expected of him as an idol. this is similar to many female idols trying to be really skinny to fit in with the toxic standards of being an idol. so more so than toxic masculinity i guess we should be worried about him conforming to toxic idol body standards.

If you don't mind, I agree with you.

Your point is equally part of the discourse: unrealistic male body standards, strict and toxic beauty standards for idols, toxic masculinity- I think they are all intersectional cousins living on the same continent. It don't mean they are mutually exclusive or that the presence of one excludes the other.

Jimin could very well be grappling with all of these at once we will never know- much like headache. You think it's just your head, next you know you feeling cold too, then you're dizzy, puking, passing out and explaining to your doctor why you're gay but think your period is late. Then you find out you're not pregnant but you wish you were because what you've been diagnosed with is far worse than being pregnant by a phantom Male who probably might have raped you when you were passed out even though you hate men and it's like WHAT ARE WE EVEN HERE ON EARTH FOR?!

Not that any of that happened to me.

As I said in the last post, I think skinny and androgymasculine is the body standard for men in Kpop. Most male idols who get cosmetic surgery or makeup do not do it to enhance their traditional masculine features. They try to look soft and feminine- especially around the jaw so it looks more oval and feminine.

When any of the members gain body weight they are immediately placed on a diet- whether or not that is healthy is another issue to debate on. You know what I think.

Fans and antis alike blatantly call the members fat and complain about their appearance, that they look chubby or fat even though sometimes it's just the bulkiness that comes from building muscles.

Much like Jimin defending Jungkook when a fan called him fat. He explained it was muscle not fat. What's wrong with being fat?

The fatphobia and fat shaming in Kpop is one conversation I sincerely don't think y'all are ready for, given recent events. Didn't Suga, the lady from Twice and one guy from Enhypen come under such vicious attacks for being fat in recent times?

People were making fun of her for being 'fat' and some assumed initially she was pregnant or something of the sorts- allegedly. Can't verify the source or identify how recent this was.

That this piece was written by someone called I love BTS is not ironic, the main irony is that the lady being fat shamed for showing her biceps and belly had just returned from a hiatus during which she had sought psychological treatment for her mental health.

The things these Idols do to maintain the looks we see on screen is outrageous and really worrying- to some of us at least. Jungkook recently saying he didn't eat anything for about 5 days when they filmed the butter MV gave me palpitations. I hope they stop glorifying these things as if it's something to be proud of. It's disconcerting at best. But what do I know, I have to leave people to make their own choices I'm told.

If I choose to harm myself because I feel pressured by my work environment it's not a choice it's oppression. Just saying.

And yes, people can CHOOSE to do bad things to themselves. it don't make those bad choices right and that's the nuance of the conversation we are having.

And I hope people who fat shame the boys know and understand the risks they take and how hard they work to meet these beauty and body standards- IT'S RIDICULOUS.

Jimin calling himself fat is not a choice. It's him cracking under the pressure of Idolhood. Like I said, he is prone to these things. And saying he is mature now and so he cannot be affected by these pressures is obtuse and toxically positive.

If you've been paying attention to Jimin for sometime now since On Era last year, he's not been talking positively about his body especially whenever they talk about his early days and when they've reacted to their debut.

He's talked about how his body looked so great then as compared to now- even though it was ON ERA and he looked pretty buffed- relatively speaking.

RM felt his biceps and told him his body now was ok. Seems to me whatever is going on with him and his view of his body now didn't just begin. Something is just acting as catalyst and bringing it all up to the surface.

He's comparing himself to his debut days and thinking that masculine aesthetics- which he himself said was a trap for him and was glad he had overcome that, "hurry up and be me now" - he's backpedaling to say that looks better than his present look.

Towards the end of 2020 we saw him proudly sporting Illucebra Arcanus- male and female adjectives, the bigender symbol, and proudly comparing his body to a flower because he says it was delicate.

But it seems to me he is struggling internally with identifying himself or trying to fit into these labels external to him. Not to be psychoanalytic or anything. I think I talked about this in one of my blogs. A florist described him as delicate during Run and he's since been using that word to describe his features. I think he wears his internal struggles on his identity on his sleeves which is very typical of people with dual like gender identities or identities that exist on a spectrum ranging from one form to the other rather than being gender A or B- sometimes those identities conflict.

He's on a journey to self discovery I'd say and that includes deciding for himself what he is rather than bending to the labels of what people think he is or should be.

Androgyny can be attained by make up, or clothes- it can be fashion or trend but it is also a valid form of identity.

All these songs they write about persona, ego, map of the soul... these are very Carl Jung in nature and it's not far fetched to assume they dabble in these things and learn from it to shape their own understanding of who they are- Jimin pays attention to these things and if you are a huge fan of his you'd know which moments I'm referring to.

Non of these however exempts him or preclude him from having toxic notions of masculinity I'm afraid.

It's like assuming gay people can't be homophobic or black people can't be racist.

I don't know why people are struggling to wrap around that Jimin struggles with toxic masculinity tendencies when he has addressed that very issue himself on several occasions- I'm simply putting a name to it. Toxic masculinity don't mean he is a toxic person or man. A toxic man can have toxic masculinity on top of his toxicity.

A woman can be a perpetrator of toxic masculinity if they are prone to expecting men to behave in a certain way that is harmful to men and other women.

These are the people who call skinny, effeminate men weak and gay and expect or encourage men to be heroes, and violent and aggressive and even nurture those traits in their men.

I do agree with Jimin pushing himself to look like the perfect idol in the past- I did, have and will continue to condemn that choice he makes from time to time just as I condemn the toxic masculinity now.

It's interesting how you see him bending to the pressures to look as an idol in kpop as a problem and articulate it well but fail to see that an ad which is pro manly men would have a similar effect on him to push him to look a certain way which is opposite of how he looks naturally- especially when he's been questioning himself for quite some time now.

If fat shaming causes idols to loose weight, there's a shaming that causes effeminate men to want to bulk up. And if the former is fatphobia and can be internalized, the later is toxic masculinity and can be internalized too.

If an idol loosing weight to meet a strict standard is not about their choice and personal body preference, skinny men gyming to bulk up isn't so much about choice either. It's nuanced in that way and those two can be happening together at the same time.

I'm ok if he is not feeling pressured to look a certain way- whether skinny or buff. If it's his choice and his alone it is not toxic masculinity or internalized fatphobia.

I loved reading your POV. Thank you.

Signed,

GOLDY