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#and fuck the tags have gotten out of hand
a-b-riddle · 17 hours
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In the mood to write angst. Imagine you’re the conscientious observer who accidentally sees how your team talks about you behind your back.
Your morals were… complicated. You didn’t believe in killing anyone. Your faith told you that killing someone is wrong and even if it’s to save your life, handling a gun is something that doesn’t sit well with you. You’ve been to gun ranges. Mandatory for your position in the military that you have basic fire arm knowledge. But having something in your hands that could so easily take a life made you uneasy.
You were pescatarian, but tried to limit meat. Cried anytime you saw chickens in those trucks heading toward their demise. You fed stray cats around your house back home. You tried to be kind and cherished life in all most of its forms. The exception being garlic butter shrimp that was too good to give up and anytime of bug resembling a cock roach. And yes, palmetto bugs were still cock roaches.
And wasps.
Fuck wasps.
At the same time, you were pro-choice. Initially, you were pro-choice for other women, but you didn’t think you would have the strength to get an abortion. It wasn’t until you were holding your friend’s hand as she got her D&C that your views on your own body autonomy changed. It didn’t have to be medical to be necessary.
But you still refused to hold a weapon. Which is why even though you were a very talented medic, you were always judged for not carrying any sort of defense while in the field.
But no one on base would dare say anything to you about it. At least not to your face…
You got stuck instructing a training seminar when your phone continued to buzz in your back pocket. But even with the consistent messages, you didn’t falter by showing the newest members how to give basic first aid until health could arrive.
Nearly two hours later, you finally fish your phone out to see what’s going on.
Dozens of text messages in a group chat between you, Captain Price, Johnny, Kyle and Simon. You had gotten close to them over the last few months. You were halfway through your contract and were already dreading leaving knowing they were staying behind until the job is done.
You open it, your phone taking you to the first unread message.
Cpt.: Hows the arm healing up?
Soap: Fine. Hen did a good job of keeping the sutures nice and even. Should barely scar.
Gaz: Wouldn’t have a scar if she just fucking carried.
Soap: You think she honestly would even know what to do with a gun if you gave her one Garrick 😂
Ghost: Still think she’s a liability. Someone who won’t raise arms against an enemy isn’t meant to be on the team.
Cpt: Already tried. Laswell says we need the numbers. As long as she does her job there’s nothing I can do. We can’t be down a medic and it’s either her or nothing.
You shook as you continued reading the conversation.
Liability. Coward. It went on and on about how weak you were. Why couldn’t you just carry a small pistol instead of expecting everyone else to keep you safe.
It then switched to your personality. No one should be that happy. Annoying. A yapper. Couldn’t get a word in most of the time.
On and on they went until you realized they spoke so freely because they didn’t realize you were in this group chat. What did they say when you weren’t around?
You felt like a fool having extending more than just trying to be a civil coworker, but a friend. Taking on tasks that weren’t your responsibility simply to help them.
Getting a floral arrangement delivered for Johnny’s sister after she had given birth. Talking on the phone to the nursing home where Price’s mother resided trying to sort out her insurance. Taking priority Kyle when he was injured after falling out of a plane (both times) over your other patients. And always having the electric kettled going in the morning so Simon could have his tea without waiting too long.
You were helpful. Just because you had one boundary didn’t mean their words held any merit. But still you couldn’t help the deep feeling of just… betrayal? Rejection? You weren’t sure there was a word fitting enough to sum up how utterly stupid you felt.
Maybe they were right. This wasn’t a civilian setting. This wasn’t just life and death for your patients, but for you. You were out in the field with no form of protection except from others.
You weren’t abandoning your morals. You couldn’t. Not when every fiber of your being told you to remain steadfast. There was only one solution.
You didn’t have much to pack. Uniform was issued to you. Your stethoscope and some other tools came out of your own pocket. Your laptop, phone, charges. You packed all your lounging clothes and miraculously everything fit into a military duffle. Which wasn’t actually anything impressive given how big those things are.
You were confident in your decision even if it made you feel like a failure.
As you stood outside the office door you returned back to the group chat. One by one you proceeded to block all of them. You knew when you left the group they would know that the notification would pop up and they either wouldn’t give a shit that you finally knew what the actually thought of you or they tried messaging you to make amends to cover their asses. You weren’t sure which was worse.
Once you had blocked the last one, you left and knocked on the door that you had been idling in front of. A faint ‘come in’ was granted before you walked through.
“Hey, Kate.” You greeted. “Can we talk?”
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ruvviks · 12 hours
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it's been a hot sec since i've talked about cyberpunk and i was initially working on a fic that would tell the story of this whole thing, but i've abandoned it many months ago and cannot say when i'll be picking it up again SO! i've decided to instead make this timeline. sorry in advance for how much information is in this thing the cyberpunk extended blorboverse essentially refers to the story parallel to the in-game events of cyberpunk 2077 that @mojaves and i came up with. we don't really have a better name for it but at this point the term has been used so many times that i feel like everyone here knows what it is by now, but at the same time we've never really explained the full scope of what the story is by now (it's a lot sorry). so in an attempt to get you guys a little bit more up to date with it all, here's a semi coherent timeline that describes the core events of the story and every branching story that came out of it! for additional background information, you can check out the following posts (timeline 1 / timeline 2 / timeline 3) to catch up with the continuation of the in-game storyline that's referenced in this timeline, but it's mostly irrelevant to everything here save for a couple of referenced events that cross over between the stories. it all ties together very intricately sorry about that. don't worry too much about it i've included my taglist down below to make sure people who are interested won't miss this post, but feel free to skip over this if it's not your thing! won't be doing a lot of this kind of stuff in the future but i'm trying to get back to the cyberpunk roots so this is kind of like, a good starting point and reference point for later posts!
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The story starts in early 2077 and is centered around Sebastian Vidal, gang leader of the Cobras and previous test subject of Arasaka Special Programs (the linked page is a lot of information but gives the most coherent overview of what the branch actually is). The current director of the SERPENT projects, Andrew Colton, and Dr. Alana Cartier, both want him dead, to tie up their last loose end before the rest of Arasaka can find out and shut down Special Programs once and for all.
Over the past months they’ve been hiring various assassins in secret, to try and get Seb killed; however, these assassins keep failing, and their latest attempt lies in the hands of Cassidy Shaffer, an ex-corpo turned assassin with a strong moral code and plenty of experience to his name. With little to work with, as his mysterious client doesn’t give out much information, Cassidy starts with what he thinks is gonna be a quick and easy job– but he ends up hunting after Seb for essentially a year.
During this year, the two men have a series of wild encounters that get more and more insane the longer it goes on; it includes, but is unfortunately not limited to, Cassidy biting off a chunk of Seb’s ear, the two of them running over the highway, the two of them getting handcuffed together and chased by the NCPD then hit by a car right in front of the hospital, and Seb sensually licking blood off Cassidy’s face after having stabbed him when Cassidy wanted to strike at a concert Seb is visiting.
All of it comes to a sudden stop when Cassidy learns his client has been lying to him the whole time, and since he does not appreciate lying clients he ends up jumping sides and teams up with the Cobras to do some cleanup duty in Arasaka Special Programs. He and Seb work together to go after a list of targets to get the still ongoing projects mostly to a halt, while remaining in the shadows themselves as to not draw too much attention their way; and during this collaboration they meet several people from their past, bringing back both good and bad memories.
One of these people is Hanan Chisaka, the Head of Security at Special Programs. She ends up becoming the next test subject of Project Cobra after the last successful subjects, Xavier and Gabriel Mason, end up escaping in the midst of the chaos of Hanako Arasaka’s capture in mid-2077. Once Seb’s best friend and Cassidy’s mentor, she’s now forced to hunt the both of them down; but in their final confrontation she snaps out of the controlled mode Arasaka keeps her in and runs away with them, effectively leaving Special Programs without any test subjects. Another one of these people is Reid Bennett, Cassidy’s ex and ex-coworker back at MaxTac. He still works for the corporation and has been on an ongoing investigation into Arasaka Special Programs; seeing Cassidy alive and well, working together with Seb no less, piques his interest and he continues to look further into the case, which will cause him to make a very big mistake later on in the timeline.
By September 2078, Seb and Cassidy have successfully taken down all their planned targets and retreat back into the shadows, leaving Special Programs with many losses and no test subjects. With the APEX program discontinued a month earlier (incident discussed in this fic, which is a continuation of the in-game events), and Hanako Arasaka recovered and ready to take the corporation back from the hands of her corrupt brother, Special Programs ends up having to retreat for the time being, and cook up a new plan in the background.
Special Programs by this point is run by Andrew Colton, Alana Cartier, and Kaida Akiyama, three players who have been in the game for a long time already in the SERPENT projects’ runtime. Colton and Cartier are married– Cartier used to be married to Seb and cheated on him for a good amount of time when he was still at Arasaka– but their marriage is starting to fall apart. Akiyama has had to watch over Special Ops agent Ambrose Hawthorne for a while during his chase after the Mason twins, which ended up with the twins dead and Hawthorne going into early retirement (Arasaka doesn’t know the twins faked their death and Ambrose is now dating one of them lol), and xe is now determined to help Colton and Cartier get Seb back into Arasaka so the projects can continue.
Cassidy’s initial plan was to leave as soon as the collaboration would come to an end, but he has found his place with the Cobras and instead ends up officially joining them.The next chapter in the story is a more laid-back and easygoing chapter, in which Cassidy learns to be part of real life again, and in which Seb learns to let people get close to him again after spending years trying to convince himself he doesn’t need any help. Over the course of a little over a year (all the way to November 2079), the two grow even closer than they had already done, going on gigs together and, you guessed it, slowly but surely falling in love until they inevitably end up together at the end of it.
Not long after the two get together, Reid returns into Cassidy’s life. He wants to try and be friends again and Cassidy gives him a second chance, though this soon enough turns out to have been a mistake, with Reid trying to create distance between Seb and Cassidy and then going as far as trying to sell Cassidy to Kang Tao (one of the few corporations that have been hunting Cassidy down for a while now) in exchange for his own freedom from MaxTac (where he would have otherwise been stuck at for probably the rest of his life). Naturally, Reid can’t watch Cassidy get tortured for long and leaks his location to the Cobras, who find and free Cassidy and take Reid into captivity instead– he does not get killed, but instead has to sit out some time at a safehouse somewhere in solitude, where he gets to decide what kind of person he wants to be in the future.
This brings us to Elysium; a gorgeous spaceship which was supposed to be a relatively cheap escape from reality for everyone who wanted a refreshing break from Earth, but through Arasaka sponsorship has become just another cash-grab project to compete with the Crystal Palace– and considering the megacorporation has its greasy hands all over it, the secret labs in the spaceship are used for a series of very unethical experiments. Naturally so, it would be the perfect place for Colton to continue his SERPENT projects without the risk of Hanako Arasaka finding out and shutting the place down. He sends forces up to Elysium (obviously after his other attempts at relocating the project to space have failed tremendously, having lost contact with every single crew in the smaller Arasaka stations in orbit around the planet), but since he’s not there himself his cousin (one of the CEOs of Elysium), Maxwell Crane, unbeknownst to Colton, takes control of the SERPENT projects in space instead. From the earlier linked Special Programs page: “Project Eryx used the technology of previous projects, but took a completely new approach in the hosts it used; rather than focusing on the human psyche it attempted to create a new type of cyborg which would lack the humanity that caused previous projects to fail. The Cobra chips were no longer used and the software was instead installed directly onto the host’s mainframe. The flexibility of the new hosts– more robot than human, and in some cases the entire human aspect was lacking altogether– allowed for experimentation with highly advanced cybernetic enhancements and military grade tech and upgrades, turning the test subjects– dubbed ‘prototypes’– into dangerous, unstoppable killing machines.”
Things settle down for Seb and Cassidy, but this moment of peace does not last long. In January 2081 the two find themselves traveling to the spaceship Elysium, to investigate a curious situation in the laboratories– they’ve been hired by Arasaka without their knowledge and it’s a setup to get Cassidy killed and Seb back in Cartier’s control.
While in space, they learn that the secret labs have suffered an outbreak of the above mentioned prototypes. They quickly connect the dots and realize Special Programs is back in the game, and they work together with security guards Aubrey Valentine and Leon dello Russo to try and fix the situation before it gets out of hand. Obviously this fails tremendously and Elysium ends up on a complete lockdown after a ship-wide outbreak, which is eventually contained in late March of that year, with CEO Maxwell Crane dead, leaving only his wife Kinsley Osborn behind.
Elysium continues to exist and is rebuilt after the crisis, and Kinsley Osborn can now finally turn it into the retreat it was always meant to be. Previously, most Elysium employees were to be stuck in space for the rest of their lives; however, with Arasaka out of the picture they are free to leave as they please, which results in a gigantic cut in total employee count in the months that follow.
Seb and Cassidy return to Night City and take Aubrey and Leon with them. Aubrey reunites with his sisters; Becca, James, and Rikki, and soon after his return to the city he opens an LGBTQ+ nightclub called Bodytalk with them, found Downtown, City Center, in June 2081. Not only is it a fun place to hang out at, it’s also his main hub as a fixer, and he starts a collaboration with the Cobras to get business going between the gang and the club; and soon enough it grows into a large and powerful network of connections, which is the foundation on which the rest of the stories are built.
After this point in time, many many more things happen but it would take me another hour or ten to go into full detail of all of that, so instead here’s a quick rundown of some of the other things that Bodytalk gets involved in:
Reid Bennett is handed over to Aubrey and he starts working at the club, and he becomes a very valued employee as well as a good friend to many now that he’s no longer fucking insane
Kaida Akiyama returns from Elysium and shows up to Hanan’s doorstep, to ask for her help with getting out of Arasaka for good; much later on, xe starts working for Bodytalk as well, in an attempt to put xyr past behind xem and become a better person
Urban Dynamite starts performing at the club regularly, and it becomes their home base
Luna Serratos, Cassidy’s ripperdoc friend from all the way back to killing era, gets involved in the Harbinger case from Maelstrom (one of the gang’s most feared members); turns out the Harbinger is in fact Reuben de la Rosa, a by then 22-year-old kid who has ended up in Luna’s care with his friend Noah Telavera after the two got caught up in an explosion. She requests the Cobras’ help with getting Maelstrom to let Reuben go
Officer Michele Diaz from Militech (who used to be Cassidy’s boss) is demoted following the lawsuits after the Elysium incident, and her investigation into the incident in hopes to get her job back leads her to Bodytalk; she begins threatening them and sends the whole club and their allies into uncertain times
Many people get married. There’s so many fucking guys here we went a little insane with the numbers but there’s several weddings and there’s a whole polycule going on too feel free to send asks about this if you’re interested
Cobra Cybernetics releases a new line of cyberware, which is incredibly buggy and dangerous to the public; it’s brought to the club’s attention and it makes them realize that Luiza Vidal (Seb’s sister), who not that long ago asked them to kill her husband (William Colton (Andrew’s brother), CEO of Cobra Cybernetics), has gone missing; they now need to get involved without getting the news out that they actually didn’t kill William and that he is still alive somewhere, while also balancing out dynamics between Biotechnica (angry at Cobra Cybernetics for stealing their designs) and Arasaka (the actual reason why Cobra Cybernetics’ designs look like Biotechnica’s designs, because William stole designs from Special Programs after halting their partnership after the Elysium incident, but these designs had been stolen by Arthur Jenkins from Biotechnica even BEFORE that to be able to hijack the European Space Council’s cybernetics following the Frankfurt incident. Are you still with me)
Vitali Dobrynin (fixer and main character from the in-game events storyline and the continuation of it; Vincent “V” Mayer’s boyfriend) ends up visiting Bodytalk after meeting Aubrey at a Fixer Council meeting, which happens in late 2083; this essentially ties the two main storylines together, which means that yes, a lot of the characters from the two separate storylines end up meeting :]
Officer Ulysses Dimakos (used to work with Reid at MaxTac) is sent to investigate Bodytalk following the Cobra Cybernetics scandal, and ends up teaming up with the club to get MaxTac on a dead trail in exchange for his freedom of the corporation
On top of the Bodytalk / Cobras centered storyline, there’s a couple of side stories that are still connected to the whole thing but are more of a standalone thing with only a few touching points to the rest of it all:
This obviously takes place a lot earlier because it’s already mentioned above, but Special Ops agent Ambrose Hawthorne is tasked with chasing after the escaped Mason twins; naturally he lets them go and ends up going into retirement, and Xavier Mason later on ends up becoming Bodytalk’s part-time repair guy on account of knowing Kaida
Gabriel Mason ends up in a car crash with retired security specialist Ames Ortega, who was also in Elysium during the incidents there, and the two end up babysitting Ambrose and Xavier’s kids together while those two are helping Hanan with getting Kaida out of Arasaka (Are you still with me. Blink if you can hear me)
Mercenary Frankie Sayyad gets a promotion from his fixer, Vulture (real name Diana Crane, Maxwell Crane’s older sister and cousin of the Coltons), and becomes one of her Bloodhounds; he works together with Evelyn Harris, Nimue Nkuna, and Beckett Rydel, the latter being one of the very first test subjects of Arasaka Special Programs, and the four accidentally get themselves mixed into a mystery concerning their secretive fixer
Caleb Harris, ex-security at Biotechnica, ends up back at Club Bodytalk not long after the conclusion of the Cobra Cybernetics scandal, and starts working for Aubrey; he is partnered up with Ramiel Al-Masri, a mercenary who has been working for Vitali Dobrynin for a while and has recently joined Aubrey’s mercenary roster too, and together they dive into a series of gigs neither of them had expected
Journalist Bodhi Shankar has finally found more evidence and information surrounding the mysterious cult gang Umbra and its so-called Prophet, Thiago Salazar; however, his antics have led to him accidentally becoming part of the gang himself, and he has to figure out a way to get Thiago to stop listening to the supposed deity that the gang worships known as Scintilla, before she makes him do things that will get many people killed
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taglist (opt in/out)
@velocitic, @deadrlngers, @euryalex, @ordinarymaine, @gurathins;
@mojaves, @shellibisshe, @dickytwister, @mnwlk, @rindemption;
@ncytiri, @calenhads, @noirapocalypto, @florbelles, @radioactiveshitstorm;
@strafethesesinners, @fashionablyfyrdraaca, @aemondtargeryen, @radioactive-synth, @katsigian;
@estevnys, @elgaravel, @aezyrraeshh, @carlosoliveiraa
#nuclearwriting#timeline tag#this is really lengthy so again if you don't wanna go through all that i can respect that WBHSNGJFDHGDFJG just wanted to like#show that no i am NOT dead i have in fact been yelling about my ocs basically every single day since the last piece of writing i posted#but it's all in intricate rituals between me and my bf that as you can see results into. so much information. that's only barely coherent#i could go into entirely more detail is the thing. i could very easily go into entirely more detail because you see#we have encounters written out for killing era. all encounters. they're all there#we have separate timelines for the bigger events like the elysium arc and the maelstrom arc and the militech arc#the whole thing with cobra cybernetics is a buildup that dates back all the way to fucking 2072 and then happens in 2083/84#the colton/crane family dynamics are a whole bookwork of information on its own#then there's the whole polycule that's gotten. a little out of hand i'll admit but it's COHERENT i made a VISUAL for it#there's years worth of history between SO many of these characters that can all be analyzed and picked apart personally#there's the whole side stories going on with ambrose and the mason twins and the bloodhounds and umbra#the whole elysium incident on its own is a horror freakshow that would do numbers on here. i'm telling you#BASICALLY WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS. IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS ABOUT LITERALLY ANYTHING#PLEASE COME INTO MY INBOX OR IN ANDY'S INBOX WE LOVE TALKING ABOUT THIS STUFF#THERE'S SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE HAVE AN INSANE AMOUNT OF OCS FOR IT AND WE'RE STILL MAKING MORE#ELYSIUM HAS A WHOLE CREW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE MADE UP A WHOLE CREW FOR ITTBHGFJNBHGJKSDGDSNGJDSG#I'M NORMAL
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eloquentlytired · 2 days
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18+mdni
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pairing: walter marshall x fem reader
drabble
tags: fingering — overprotective and controlling walter — kinda dark — dirty talk — teasing of pregnancy & breeding — bite mark — brief mention of bleeding wound
summary: walter’s controlling protection suffocates you. one day you try to fight it off but he shows you exactly why you shouldn't.
author’s note: I'm just horny for this man I have no excuse
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“say it out loud. admit what you did wrong.” walter orders in a gruff voice as you watch his hand disappear underneath your panties from the mirror situated before you. you jump a little when his knuckles brush against your bare pussy and recite your words again. he remains behind you, bending forward slightly.
“I turned off my location so you wouldn't find me.”
you're sitting on a chair that walter has personally placed before the body length mirror of your shared bedroom. on purpose of course. he wants you to watch as he does this; as he asserts back his dominance and reminds you of your exact place which is always near him. he wasn't always so protective but he'd gotten worse because of his job and you couldn't exactly blame him when he'd told you about the traumatic cases and the doctor visits — which by the way never helped. at first sharing your location was fine until you began receiving texts and calls that disturbed your privacy, such as ‘don't park there it's dangerous’ or ‘why are you in that place? you told me you'd visit the other one’ or even ‘that restaurant is too intimate for colleague dinners.’ to sum up walter’s way of caring had transformed into something controlling almost but breaking up with him wasn't an option either; not when you loved him so much.
you shift slightly on the chair until only your buttocks are brushing against the wood. your eyes observe the way walter’s thick fingers move beneath your underwear, through the mirror, and when he deems it impossible for his large hand to move like this he rips them off you. “remind me of the reason we keep your location on, sweetheart?” there is no sarcasm in his voice but there is much threat and promise of what he'll do to punish you. your legs spread willingly as a pair of thick fingers brushes against your pussy again, walter’s middle and ring finger sliding from your entrance up to your clit and creating a repetitive motion that has your legs shaking. “to keep me safe and sound.” you reply with a whine as walter nudges your swollen clit with his thumb. you moan. “good girl. it's to keep you safe so naturally when you turn it off, I can't fucking do that. can I?” he yells at you — he's never been angrier — but you're so stupid and shameless. and disrespectful.
you can feel an entirely new wave of wetness gush out of you as walter yells. your pussy clenches around nothing and he feels the shake of your cunt against his stained fingers. you want to cum like this, just by having walter yell at you and slightly tap your pussy. but then walter is doing more for you, sliding his fingers over your entrance and circling it slowly with his middle finger. “so ungrateful, so cold to me. after everything I do to keep you alive.” you want to deny everything, to fight back, but walter is sliding a finger past your hole and it suddenly doesn't really matter. the slide is easy and you're drenched, confirming your desire for him. walter hums to himself as he begins pumping his finger inside you and the slide of his second finger is just as easy — it has surely helped that he was teasing you for minutes before actually touching you like this. your pussy is wet and there's precum staining your inner thighs which are close to your heat. “walter—”
you moan again when he curls his fingers upwards and follows a fast pace. your legs shake and spread wider. your hands hug the arm that's using you, the one whose fingers are absolutely abusing your gummy walls. his warm palm keeps brushing against your clit as he fucks you with his hand, his fingers reaching deep inside you. “what will you have me do next, sweetheart? impregnate you so you can stay at one place like a good girl?” his words aren't helping with your arousal and walter knows you love this from the way your pussy is clamping down on his fingers, not letting go. he goes faster and the way he pumps his thick fingers inside that sensitive pussy of yours is too good, too much.
his mouth latches onto your throat from behind as he keeps grinding his palm against your clit. “is this what I have to do? lock you up and breed you until you're swollen with my kids? hm?” his teasing words make you whimper and as much as you want to play it difficult and shake your head, you don't. your head falls back on his chest and walter sinks his teeth into your shoulder, biting too hard that your skin becomes tainted with red colour. the pain assists your orgasm as you reach your peak, walter’s fingers fucking into you as you let out a shuddering scream of his name. he's right there, not bothering to wipe the blood off your shoulder when his bite mark looks so good. when he doesn't stop teasing your sensitive pussy, you whine and your hands try to push his arm away instead of hugging it like before.
walter doesn't listen but he throws you over his shoulder, his fingers somehow still stuffing your warm cunt. he wordlessly throws you on your shared bed and the words die in your throat when he looms over you imposingly, his hand reaching for his belt. “will you do that again, sweetheart?” he asks and you're immediately shaking your head, your back arching off the bedsheets because of the tone he's using on you. walter seems happy with your reply but not fully convinced. “w-walter?” your fear is like a bonus pleasure for him and he finds himself rushing to unclasp the leather around his pants. “I never said we were done.” walter growls and the way those blue eyes stared down at you prepare you for one thing alone; to receive a proper punishment.
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sazwritesstuff · 2 days
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Espresso | Part 1
Coffee Shop AU | Logan Howlett x fem!reader
Summary: You've been a barista at the same cafe for the past few years. You've gotten to know a far few regulars over those years, some you know by name and others you know only by their order. They make your job just a tiny bit more bearable. So when a new handsome regular begins to show up day after day you can't help but take notice.
Tags/warnings: Coffee Shop AU, barista reader, meet cute, swearing, soft Logan | Worst Wolverine (Deadpool 3)
Posted on AO3 here
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No one else liked doing the opening shift but you and Sandy. Everyone else complained about having to get up so early to open at 6.30 in the morning. You, on the other hand, preferred it because it meant you got to leave earlier. There was usually an hour, sometimes two, where there were no customers to deal with. Or only a handful of regulars that you had gotten to know over the past couple of years since you started working at the cafe.
Carrol always had a latte with two slices of brown toast, no butter. With a newspaper or a book. If there were no other customers, she’d happily tell you about her daughter and grandchildren.
Gareth always had a black coffee, in a takeaway cup, sitting with his two dogs near the front door.
Paul, a roofer, came in twice a day for an extra-hot mocha in a takeaway cup that he can sit outside with. Even when it’s raining.
There were a few more that came in throughout the day that you had yet to learn the names of. Most of them you liked but there were a few regulars that got n your tits. Usually because they had one of the most awkward bloody orders that they’d get during rushes and find something to complain about. Despite getting the exact same thing every time.
The regulars that you got during the opening shift tended to be pensioners or part of the “yummy mummy” club. Some faces you recognised more than others. But there were always new faces coming and going, some recognising you when you had no clue who they were.
It was one of those curses of hospitality. That and always being understaffed. Or underpaid. Forced to do way too many hours…
Honestly, it was kind of shit.
But there was a new regular that you had noticed that had started coming in everyday now, getting the same black coffee and just sitting in one of the armchairs by the window. Nothing remarkable about his order. Simple. Easy. You gotten in the habit of getting it ready for him as soon as you saw him in the queue.
He was a man of few words. Polite though. Never rude to you, Sandy or any of your other colleagues. But you had seen him tell a few not so nice customers (usually men, but there were the odd Karen mixed in there) to “go fuck yourself” followed by a few other choice words.
Most people tried to start a fight until they actually turned around and found an over six-foot tall older man with more muscles than most gym rats.
He had become a bit of a favourite of yours.
You’d managed to make him smile a few times and even get a few short laughs out of him.
He was tall, handsome, older than you (but that had never stopped you before), and you so desperately wanted to know his name!
Even if it was just to add fuel to your little fantasies about him. Like running you fingers through his thick brown hair and tugging at the little tufts of hair that remind you of cat ears. Or running your hands up and down those veiny, muscular arms. Or giving his plump rump a smack.
If you could climb that man like a tree, you would die happy.
But you didn’t want to do the classic write your name on his coffee cup with your number, which was practically impossible as he preferred to sit in with a mug, or write it down on a napkin that he’d surely lose.
You’d seen and read enough rom-coms to know that was a terrible idea. Plus, it felt a little cliche.
Simply just asking him for his name and number weren’t an option either.
One, you had never seen him actually using a phone so you had no idea if he even had one. Two, he looked as if he was old enough to be you father (again, not that that had ever stopped you before) and could easily be married or in a serious relationship. Three, your co-workers all already teased you about your preference for older men. Four… he made you nervous. So, so nervous.
He was ruggedly handsome. Tall. Muscular (you wanted to lick those veins you’d seen peeking out under his sleeves).
Today, he’d come in while you’d gone to get some more milk from the walk-in. Sandy had served him his usual, your eyes straying over to where he sat with his coffee by the window.
“I see the crush is still going strong.” Sandy joked as she tamped down the coffee grounds before slotting the portafilter into the machine.
“Shut up! I can’t help it if he’s hot.” Without glancing up you said as you knelt down to put the milk away in the service fridge.
Sandy laughed at your words. “Still haven’t ask for his number then, have you?”
Straightening you sighed, “No. I haven’t and I’m not going to.”
Sandy placed the cappuccino down in front of customer waiting “Here you go! Enjoy!” with a large false smile on her face. Turning back towards you as the customer walked away, she crossed her arms and leant back against the counter. “If he was my type I would totally go for it. But I don’t have daddy issues.”
“No, you just have mommy issues, Sands.”
“Yeah, and if a hot MILF walked in here, I would be all over her like a fly on shit.”
“You’re so gross.”
“So, I’ve been told. But people also tell me that I’m super sexy so it balances itself out.”
Shaking your head smiling at her you said “If you say so.”
“I do and I also say that you should go take to Mr Tall-Dark-and-Brooding and ask him for his number.” She said nodding over to the man in question.
When you glanced over you swore you saw him smirking and trying to hide it behind his coffee.
Fuck me sideways, you thought, he’s so hot! How is that legal!
Rolling your eyes you said the one phrase you knew would annoy Sandy enough to distract her “If you have time to lean, you have time to clean.”
“Oh, shut up!” she said throwing a damp cloth at you. Sending you both into giggles.
“But seriously we should both try and look busy, Jodie’s going to be in in the next ten minutes.”
“Oh, no, not Jodie!” Sandy whined “I thought she was only working at the weekend this week.”
“She swapped with Hannah.”
“Noooo!” she whined pouting “That’s it my day’s ruined now. Scratch that, my whole week’s been ruined.”
“I’m not happy about it either but-" you stopped. Noticing movement out of the corner of your eye. Turning you were half way through saying “Hi, what can I get you?” before you realised it was the man that you’d been talking about only a moment ago. The smile on your face turning genuine as you felt your cheeks heat.
“Hi.” He said, his voice a deep rumble. Is it normal to get turned on just from someone’s voice?
“Did you want a refill?” you asked, still smiling.
Shaking his head he placed his cup down on the counter. “I just wanted to bring this back and, ugh,” he placed a piece of paper down next to it “give you this. I’m Logan by the way.” He said smiling and winking at you as he turned and walked away.
Leaving you standing there dumbstruck.
Sandy picked up the piece of paper that Logan had put down and squealed. “Oh my god! It’s his phone number! I told you. I fucking told you!”
Snatching the scrap of paper out of her hand you looked down at the numbers he’d scrawled with his name ‘Logan Howlett.’ underneath. Patting your pockets you said “Shit! Where’s my phone? I should text him. Oh my god, what do I next text him. Wait will it seem too desperate if I text him straightaway?”
“No.” Sandy tilted her head in contemplation, “Well, maybe. But if he wasn’t interested, he wouldn’t have given you his name now, would he?”
“But what if he doesn’t actually like me. What if he just felt he should because he overheard you earlier?”
“Y/n,” Sandy said placing her hands on your shoulders “Hot men don’t just go around handing their number and name out to any random person they come across. Stranger danger and all that. He’s obviously interested and decided to take a chance. Something that you need to do too. Now. Text the hot, sexy old man.”
Taking in a deep breath you nodded. “Okay, okay, yeah.” Pulling out your phone from your apron pocket you tapped Logan’s number into your phone and typed out a text. Trying not to over think it you pressed send.
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Y/N: Hey Logan, this is sarah, you gave me your number in the café just now. I was wondering if you want to grab a drink sometime?
Three grey dots appeared. Vanished and quickly appeared again. You chewed on your fingernail as you watched the grey dots on the screen. No less than a minute later a message came through from Logan.
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Logan: I’d love too. Are you free tonight?
You glanced up at Sandy “He wants to go out tonight.”
“Well, say yes! Get that DILF dick baby.”
“Sandy!”
“What are you two talking about?” Jodie’s nasally voiced asked as she joined you behind the counter, tying her apron around her waist “It doesn’t very work appropriate.”
“You’re not work appropriate.” Sandy muttered under her breath glaring at the woman.
“What was that?”
“Oh, nothing Jodie.” Sandy said moving from where she’d been standing next to you. “Can you go clear some tables for us?” she said handing her a tray.
Tuning the two of them out you turned your attention back to your phone.
Taking a deep breath, biting nervously at your thumb, you replied:
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SARAH: I’m free tonight How about we meet at Malones at 6?
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Logan: I’ll see you there beautiful 😉
You couldn’t wait.
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bitethedevil · 2 days
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Taming the Wolf (Raphael x Tav): Chapter 5
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Tags and Warnings for this fic: Plus-Size!Tav, Druid!Tav, Tiefling!Tav, Dark!Raphael, Breeding Kink, Mind-control, Non-Con and Dub-Con Elements, Sex Pollen, Master/Pet Dynamic, Somnophilia, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat.
A link to read this fic on AO3 (kudos or comments make the author very happy <3)
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Fic Summary: Tav tried to avoid fulfilling her contract to Raphael by leaving the Crown of Karsus on the bottom of the Chionthar, leaving her contract unfulfilled by a technicality. Although, no situation is so bad that the new Archdevil of the First can't find a way to profit off it. All the other archdevils of the Hells have their own lineages of tieflings on the Material Plane and Raphael is not going to feel left out...
Chapter Summary: Haarlep helps out (NSFW).
AN: Warning: Mention of Baby-Eating (don't even ask...)
“Do you think I’m stupid?” she asked them with a scoff.
“I think that a woman in your position can’t afford to not grab at the opportunities presented to her,” Haarlep answered. “And I would be delighted to help you.”
She sat up in the bed to look at them better. It was unnerving how they were wearing Raphael’s face and yet their facial expressions were so different from his.
“Alright, second question then: are you stupid?” she asked. “Even if it was not a completely outrageous idea, how do you suppose you would explain a baby that does not even look like him? You might be able to take his form, but the child would take after your true form.”
“Oh, come now…” they pleaded. “Use your imagination a little, druid. That’s nothing a simple glamour spell won’t fix. Please…he starves me.”
She raised an eyebrow at them and looked them up and down.
“Ah…so that’s what this is all about,” she said. “I should have guessed. I’m busy enough being used by your master. I don’t need to be used by his pets too.”
“This is about revenge,” Haarlep said with a fire in their eyes and desperation in their voice. “That little brat has gotten too much power, and it has gone to his head. I used to have him wrapped around my little finger and now he keeps me in this demeaning collar, unable to feed myself while he is either too busy literally fucking you or figuratively fucking the other eight archdevils of the Hells.”
She watched their expression. They were truly desperate. There was no doubt about it. She did feel oddly bad for them. Their predicament was not too different from their own and they were both under the thumb of the same sadistic man.
“What would I even gain from this?” she asked with a sigh. “I am tired, Phaelar…or Haarlep or whatever the fuck your name is, and it seems my time here has barely even begun.”
“Peace,” they answered. “If he thinks that you are pregnant with his spawn, he will lose interest in fucking you. When I came in here, you thought I was him. How would you have known any better if I came in here and demanded what he does? You can blame it on me. I will take the punishment for it. It would be worth it to see the look on his face.”
She thought about it for a moment. It was a fucked situation, but she was considering it. Haarlep was not the only one who wanted revenge.
“And unlike with him,” Haarlep said. “You will be in complete control of it. I can’t touch you because of the collar, but I’d wager that you can touch me. Here.”
Haarlep held out a hand to her. She readied herself to be shocked by the collar, but when she touched his palm, no shock came. Haarlep smiled. She withdrew her hand.
“I’ll think about it,” she said. “But only on days where I am particularly fertile. I don’t want to waste any attempts.”
Haarlep whined and rolled their eyes, but then looked at her and nodded in understanding.
“Fine, fine,” they said and got off the bed. “I’ll come and visit you then.”
The days went by. She had not gotten her period when she was supposed to. Most likely it was due to stress and the staff at the fortress did not exactly help. The physician who tracked her cycle was starting to threaten her with gynecological check-ups to see if she was lying about it. The whole thing was awful. She wasn’t even sure if she should hope that it came or not.
Raphael kept badgering her too. There was not a single dinner where he did not ask her and if she snapped at him, he would either tone her out or use the collar if she got aggressive. She did however learn that he was more careful with using the collar as much as usual while she went through her pregnancy scare. Something told her that if she was going to try and escape, she should wait until she was pregnant so he would go easy on her if discovered.
Eventually her period did arrive a week too late. She felt an odd empty feeling in her stomach when it did. She was neither relieved nor stressed about it. The idea of lying and keeping it a secret did occur to her, but it would not do anything to help her. Eventually Raphael would no doubt find out anyway.
That empty feeling was becoming a theme for her. She had anything and everything at her disposal. Raphael was generous with her, just like he had promised. None of it mattered though. Her fate was the same and eventually Raphael would visit her again.
A day before he was supposed to, she got a visit from Haarlep in Raphael’s form once again.
They smiled at her when they entered her chamber and sat down on the edge of the bed.
“So…” they said with a seductive smile.
She really did not feel like it. Although, on the other hand, if it worked, she could stick it to Raphael and she would not have to endure his ministrations for nine months. She nodded. Haarlep began sliding out of his clothes and she stopped them with a hand gesture.
“Could you maybe…take any other form than his?” she asked.
Haarlep tilted their head as they looked at her.
“Oh, are you afraid that he will feel it?” they asked. “He shuts it off, you know. He only allows the connection when he wants to after he got the crown. Trust me, I have tested it thoroughly. He won’t feel it unless he gets suspicious and checks in, and he is in a meeting somewhere in Dis right now. He’s distracted.”
She honestly had not even considered that part of it, but that was sort of a terrifying thought too.
“Good to know, but it’s just…” she muttered. “I’ll see enough of Raphael’s for the next couple of days. It would be nice if you could be someone else.”
Haarlep paused half-way out of the doublet they had no doubt stolen from Raphael’s wardrobe.
“Well, darling, the options are rather limited,” they said with an apologetic smile. “He only allows me those of himself these days. The collar will react if I change into anything else.”
“How about your true form then?” she asked. “Surely, he can’t forbid you from using that.”
Haarlep’s smile faltered immediately. They were so much more expressive than Raphael was and there was a clear sense of melancholy on their features. They shook their head and schooled their expression into a tight smile.
“No, I’m afraid I can’t,” they said and shook out of the doublet and carefully folded it in their lap.
“Why?”
“Because I can’t!” they snapped.
Tav was shocked at the sudden outburst. She had really only been curious. She had no idea it was a tender subject for the incubus. They weren’t looking at her anymore. They were looking at the doublet in their lap. They reached forward and placed it on a chair near her bed before moving their focus to the buttons on the white shirt they were wearing underneath. It was painfully quiet for a while before they spoke up again.
“Apologies,” they said with a small bitter smile. “I suppose my hunger makes me grumpy. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I suppose it’s a reasonable question…”
She watched them while they fumbled with the buttons of their shirt. The question had clearly thrown them off.
“Well?” she asked gently.
Haarlep sighed deeply and shook their head. They leaned back on the bed, resting their weight on their arms.
“I have never told anyone…” they mumbled and looked at her.
They looked her up and down, but there was not the same hunger in their gaze as there had been the other times they had spoken together. This was a look of pity more than anything else.
“Centuries ago, I left Mephistopheles service as a gift to his son,” they began explaining. “I had seen the little brat around in his daddy’s castle. I had slept with him plenty of times before I ever came to Avernus… Now, Raphael’s relationship with his daddy is a complicated one. One day Mephistopheles wanted to humble his son at court after he had been a particularly naughty boy, so…he had me walk through the throne room, in front of the whole court, in his form and my best lingerie.”
She watched Haarlep smile in sadistic amusement at the memory, but their expression soon turned slightly sour again.
“Needless to say, Raphael was less than pleased. He has always been a sensitive boy, that one. Then eventually I came to stay in Avernus with him. We bickered a lot in the beginning. He was being unreasonable, as he always is, and I may or may not have mentioned that particular incident. I remember him fuming about it. I was used to Mephistopheles temper, and Raphael is his spitting image when it comes to the hereditary hissy fits.”
Haarlep sighed and a note of that same melancholy as before washed over their features. She was listening intently.
“I don’t remember much of what happened, truth be told. I just remember being woken up in his bed…some old greyed mortal wizard and him standing by the end of the bed. I was in the same form that I had used to humiliate him with that day. The one that looks younger and prettier than he does now. They had made me forget…”
“Forget what?” she asked. “What do you mean?”
“My true name and my true form. No matter how hard I try, my old memories are blurred. I can remember my time before Raphael’s service but every memory where I was wearing my true form is blurred. My true voice incoherent, my form blurry and unrecognizable, the memory of feeling my own body numbed… I had nightmares about blurry forms in mirrors for decades. Pathetic, really…”
Haarlep shook their head and changed into the younger looking Raphael in a flash of fire.
“This is who I am now. My body is his in the most literal sense and even my name is formed after his…” Haarlep mumbled and then made an imitation of Raphael’s tone: “’So, you don’t forget who you belong to, dear Haarlep’ he had said as his reasoning, the bastard…”
She was quiet. She truly did feel bad for them, fiend or not. She gently placed their hand on their shoulder.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I can’t imagine what that must be like.”
Haarlep smiled and looked at her hand. They immediately returned to their usual aloof mood.
“Oh, not to worry darling,” they said with a sigh. “You won’t have to imagine soon. Raphael always ends up shaping everything around him into an image of himself in some shape or form. I do wonder though if I did make you pregnant… Would I even be able to look at the child or would it be a blurry blob as well since it has my true features, do you think?”
It was a terribly depressing thought, and it was said with such a light tone.
“I…I don’t know,” she said.
“I suppose we will never know if I keep yapping about my sad and horrible past,” they said as if it was a joke. “Again, I apologize. Hunger just makes me so moody, and I am starving.”
She shook her head and tried to shake herself from the heavy discussion they just had, but it was difficult.
“Alright…” she said. “How do we do this?”
Haarlep settled down on the bed and untied their pants before patting their lap in invitation. They were already hard. How in the Hells they managed to be aroused after what they just spoke about was beyond her. A feature of being an incubus, she assumed. She was really trying her best to return to reality and shake the feeling of dread.
She slid out of her nightgown. Haarlep watched her with bated breath as she did so. She crawled to straddle his lap. Her movements were clumsy and awkward, but Haarlep did not seem to mind in the least.
She looked to the side to distract herself from the form under her as she tried to lower herself onto him. It hurt. She was not at all in the mood for it yet. She cursed under her breath.
“No rush, darling,” Haarlep purred from under her. “I can’t help, but oh I wish I could.”
It was clear in their tone sounded that they were grieving the fact that they couldn’t touch her. She tried to rub her cunt on their cock instead to get herself wet. Haarlep let out a satisfied moan at the friction, though they could feel as much as her that she was not into this. Haarlep fed on her pleasure, and they would not get satisfied unless she was enjoying it too.
“I am not sure that you can kiss me without me accidentally kissing back, but I could spit in your mouth?” they suggested in a low tone with a smile. “Would you like that?”
Not really. She knew perfectly well the effects of their spit and how excruciating it could be. Then again, that had been with Raphael who teased and denied her. With Haarlep she could just take what she wanted, it seemed. She looked at them and nodded.
“Open your mouth.”
She did. They spat into it with the accuracy of someone who had done it a thousand times. She wrinkled her nose a bit as she closed her mouth and swallowed it. It only took seconds before she could start feeling her whole body tingle. It was more potent directly from the source and she grew wet so fast that it seemed entirely unnatural.
She parted her lips in a small moan of relief as she started sliding over his cock with ease now as she ground herself on it. Haarlep hummed in satisfaction and gripped the sheets not to touch her.
“Much better,” they purred. “You are doing so well…”
Their eyes looked almost in love as they watched her. As if she was the most beautiful being they had ever seen. Despite her knowing it was pure hunger being sated and nothing else, she had never had anyone look at her quite like that and the feeling went straight to her abdomen.
She moved to position them at her entrance. She slid down onto them with a breathless moan. Her whole body was on fire. She began riding them at a steady pace. Her hand went to her mouth to quiet herself.
“No, let me hear you,” they protested softly from under her. “Please…I want to hear those pretty sounds of yours.”
She moved her hand away from her mouth. She was not even sure why she did it in the first place. The guards outside thought it was Raphael in here with her anyway, but it was as if a tiny sliver of fear of getting caught was still in the back of her mind despite her dulled senses.
Her moans were getting louder, and she upped her pace. The spittle along with being able to take what she wanted felt like utter bliss. It did not take long before she was riding them like there was no tomorrow and Haarlep seemed to be living for it. They were feasting, as their moans turned into feral growls, and they started babbling dirty words at her. Their claws would surely rip up her mattress with the way they were digging into it to not touch her.
“Mm, you are so good,” they growled from under her. “So delicious…That’s it…Take what you want from me, my sweet greedy girl. Fill that pretty belly of yours…Yes, yes…mm.”
They were growling like an animal in heat, and it went straight to her core. She rode them harder. She was so close. Her nails dug into their chest. She almost screamed when she came. By the look on Haarlep’s face they were seconds behind her. She could feel them starting to spurt their seed inside her.
She felt a sharp, strong tug backwards and then a loud thud as the back of her head hit the wall on the opposite side of the room. Everything went black for a second as she grabbed the back of her head in confusion. She blinked and gave Haarlep a terrified look before the door to her chambers shot open.
She felt a cold shiver go through her whole body and she lowered her gaze to the floor. She did not need to look to know who just stepped inside her chambers. So, this would be how she died, she thought for a moment. She could hear his slow, heavy footsteps enter the room, followed by a loud slam of the door behind him.
“When the cat’s away, the mice will play, I see…” Raphael drawled in a dangerously calm tone. “Haarlep…my dear…would you kindly explain yourself?”
There was complete silence in the room. The kind of silence one might imagine there would be before the world crumbles down around your ears. She looked up at Haarlep. There was a slightly unhinged smile on their face.
“I am simply making your new pet feel welcome, master,” Haarlep said in a quiet voice. “And helping out, of course. Dreadfully punctual thing, all that baby-making and you are oh so busy these days.”
It was clear that despite their big mouth, Haarlep was scared of him too, even though they were better at hiding it than her at the moment. Raphael stared them down.
“Besides,” Haarlep said and looked at her. “She begged me to help.”
Her fear turned into anger at the drop of a hat. She opened her mouth to protest, but she barely got a sound out before Raphael pinned her with his glare.
“You will be quiet until spoken to,” Raphael growled at her and looked back at Haarlep. “You came inside her. I felt it. You have never been burdened by intelligence, Haarlep, and yet, you still manage to surprise me with your idiocy. Did either of you truly think that I was unaware of anything that happens here?”
They were both quiet. Raphael looked at her again. His eyes trailed down her body with a look of disdain. His eyes lingered at her sex that still dripped with Haarlep’s cum. He looked her in the eyes with a hateful, sadistic smile.
“If a child comes out of you that does not look like the perfect image of myself, I will fatten it up at your breast, make you love and care for it, before I feed it to you in pieces. If I am feeling gracious, I might kill it before doing so. Do we understand each other?”
The threat made her blood go cold. She knew that he meant every word of it. She gave him a slow nod. A big toothy smile spread over his features. He turned to look at Haarlep.
“Change into her form,” he ordered.
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alluralater · 7 months
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just finished moving around/reorganizing my entire bedroom. i have cried three times today but now i’m laying in bed, my room smells of roses, and i’m eating french bread. this was not the bipolar hot girl mania i was promised but damn if i don’t do it well
#i haven’t been sleeping well at all whatsoever for the past two weeks and it’s gotten to the point where my dreams are so vivid but not just#like ugh i can’t explain it on here because im not about to open a whole can of worms like that in my tags and be like revealing#family secrets.#essentially i am having normal dreams but they are horrendously vivid and of no real purpose.#i woke up fucking like completely upset this morning and then started crying#my roommate thinks it’s because i haven’t been sleeping + everything else going on#and like ya know what she’s PROBABLY right#but even still i just need my body to LISTEN TO ME and stop being all sensitive!!!#i legitimately almost texted the loml this long text today and thank fuck i didn’t because who knows where that would lead#but i’ve been having dreams about them too and it’s frustrating me. like the universe is trying beyond all measure to push us back together#and i just have to keep saying no. it’s like this test of morality except it never fucking ENDS and the consequence is actually pleasure and#relief beyond measure. like— to even just kiss them again? to hear them say my name again.#whenever we’re out at the same time i can feel them staring at me and i can see them in my peripherals watching me#just fucking forcing this love into me. the feeling of their hands on my body and all of their questions about how i’m doing#god i can feel all of it.#i nearly fucking threw up last time a few weeks ago when they kept watching me and i got so overloaded with emotions and my fucking stomach#wouldn’t stop turning. but anyways right like— i cannot be with them and i don’t want to be. like yes im still attracted to them and yes i#feel all of these feelings but it stops me dead in my tracks when i remember what they said and the things they did.#i am not the woman who bends my convictions because i love someone. i can’t be that person. i won’t be that person. not for anyone and#not for them. but i see them in my dreams anyways and it is all too real and too present. it’s hardly ever the present so why. why why why?#it makes me terrified thinking that i will one of these nights just say yes and they’ll kiss me and everything that means anything in myself#will virtually mean nothing. like i won’t be a good person because i’ve knowingly allowed them to have me.#so anyways yeah and the fact that my snapchat memories and everything else are just FILLED with pictures and videos of us is killing me.#i really am scared that i’ll just give in. and what worse is that i would just double down and not tell anyone. i wouldn’t fucking#tell a soul if we did anything because i just know it isn’t right. and the fact that i know i wouldn’t be honest means i KNOW it’s bad.#so what the fuck. the fuck am i supposed to do when i have all these dreams and even just the ones about my mom and my brother#my family- i want to talk to them about it. i want to fucking cry to them and tell them how much it hurts that they hurt people and i’m just#some occasional exception to that because they love me. and i want to fucking scream. i want to know why. i want to fuck them until they#can barely breathe and then do it all over again. i want to feel their perfect fingers inside me and i want their mouth on mine. i fucking#HATE that they couldn’t be a good person. ugh okay anyways why did you read this??
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i don’t wish i was catholic but i wish i knew more about catholicism/christianity for the sole purpose of being slightly more insane about lapsed-catholic gallaghers
#truly an untapped treasure trove of Thoughts that i unfortunately cannot comprehend as a cultural hindu/theologic atheist#thankfully i have catholic friends whose knowledge i can mine >:)#and friends of other denominations shout out to my methodist buddy i love u my methodist buddy#faery-berry-blast my beloved <3#anyways i think fiona and lip are both atheists#lip is annoying about it though. aka he is the kind of atheist who make fun of theists for their beliefs#fiona does not give a fuck#she just doesn’t believe in a higher power#ian is religious (ik the gay jesus storyline was a manic ep but i do think it stems from genuine belief)#he is specifically catholic#debbie is vaguely christian but not really#as in she doesn’t like how going to church makes her feel but she’s dabbled in a bunch of other religions#and christianity feels right#i can also see her just being generally spiritual w/o a specific religion#carl and liam are both agnostic#they don’t rly know what’s going on up there [gestures vaguely to the sky] but they think there might be a higher power#who knows. to them god is like aliens: probably out there! we just don’t know what they’re like#humanoid or bacteria??? not sure. do they exist? yes#idc about frank all he ever did was look for different ways to be forgiven thru religion i hate him#monica and her fam were probably catholic though#this has gotten out of hand sorry#anyways. religion#i’m a staunch atheist but i love love love thinking about religion#i treat every religious text like a work of literature i’m tasked with writing english essays about and it’s so fun#shameless#shameless meta#gallagher siblings#fiona and her kids#sorry for these fuckass tags
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neonganymede · 5 months
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putting on the baby pink cinnamoroll sweatshirt so that maybe i'll better embrace the new baby pink laptop.....
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ectonurites · 9 months
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almost 4am can't stop thinking about the meaning of the idiom 'to have blood on [someone's] hands'—to be responsible for a person's death—combined with the fact that Zach is the one we are specifically shown with Daryl's actual blood on his hands (once for real and once in a dream)... Not Josh who had been holding the sword Daryl fell onto, but Zach who took the sword out.
#super dark times#+ part of it that's insane to me is: Josh COULD have easily ALSO gotten (literal) blood on his hands—we see him go to check for a pulse#after Zach did... but we don't see his hands during that—they're left out of the shot! we just see his face. and when we see his hands next#there's no visible blood on them (if any got on he theoretically wiped 'em off ig? similarly Zach's hands when seen AFTER the shot of him#touching Daryl ALSO don't rlly show blood anymore—we see his hands in the leaves tho so it prob went there) BUT SO there was a CHOICE made#to give us a close up shot of ZACH pulling his hand away from the wound with blood on it... but to NOT do the same/smthn similar with Josh.#and yet ZACH is the one who CAN'T ACCEPT THE ROLE HE PLAYED IN ANY OF ITTTTT!!!!!!! GAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!#this post brought to you by me rewatching the Zach + Charlie on the phone scene and needing to just. stop and scream at Zach being#like 'Josh‚ or fucking somebody else‚ they went up there and if they found Daryl alive—' LIKE BRO. YOU *KNOW* HE WAS DEAD.#YOU KNOW. YOU KNOOOOW. YOU WERE THERE. YOU KNOW HE WAS ALREADY DEAD. the denial. the trying to find any fucking way that#there could be even a sliver of a possibility that it WASN'T even PARTIALLY his fault.... shifting the blame entirely onto Josh...#[plus like. the 'somebody else' only added in after Charlie was giving him shit for trying to complicate this more—at first he was#straight up saying Josh was the one that fucked with the body]... aghghghsfd he makes me INSANE#also fwiw. i'm forever a 'Josh didn't harm anyone on purpose until AFTER his fight with Zach at Zach's house' truther. that provides#at least SOME sort of motivation to push him over an edge into... the shit that happens. anything before that just fuckin' doesn't make#sense. To Me. ive already written a lot on my thoughts about all of that though [uhhh in the tags of my gifset of the fight at Zach's house#anyways. im also NOT trying to say 'ah so we should Just Blame Zach' because nah nah this whole thing was a fucked up accident. they're all#to blame. plus Josh did horrible shit at the end On His Own there's no way of getting around that—but the messiness of how Zach handled the#initial incident and how that ripples out across the whole movie is simply soooooooo... ghghGHGhghGHGhghghgh. To Me.#in conclusion: im soooooooo normal about the characters in this movie (<- lying)
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pepprs · 10 months
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ngl it’s genuinely kinda crazy how much of my life i have lost to mental illness :3 lol
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pyrriax · 3 months
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ANYWHO goodnight tumblr i'll be back on the art grind tomorrow i think 🙏
#haunted ecosystem#i'll take a burst of creativity in a different form than usual than the burnout slump i've been in for a few months#<- part of why my fandom stuff has taken a smidge of a backseat#dont get me wrong i am still very excited about my fandoms im just having fun off in oc hell (affectionate)#its nice to just be able to create and not really worry about perception. and also i feel Less bad about just throwing ocs into the wringer#((blame the fact i've been REALLY interested in whump recently and i have been. fixated. on one of my characters.))#and ALSO i've been! rekindling my flame for wtds. i've been putting off thinking about it since that fic got.#nothing bad happened? but it was still very devastating that somebody who i considered a friend from that fic just. evaporated.#but i'm gonna finish that fic for him :) even if it takes a year. even if it's the one thing i finish ever. it'll be wtds.#for where its gotten me and the fact its what got me out of my shell and is the reason i trust that my writing is good!#i used to really hate rereading my work. i catch flaws that are obvious to me. but that fic. i just think about how *good* the story is#that story means. a lot to me? as a person? like the main character is not a good person. but people care about him anyway.#and there are so many little things. so many sentiments. so much that is a love letter to people who've done bad but learnt to do better#because. god knows i wasnt a good person even just a few years ago. and maybe i see myself in him a bit.#he came from a place of paranoia and fear and pain. and maybe its a good thing that i've found it difficult to write him recently.#because god. i've been HAPPY. even with the rough moments and bad days. i've been happy. i mean fuck.#my birthday's what. ten days away? god damn man. i'm going to be 18. that's an achievement.#i want to look the kid who thought it was over at half my age and tell him we fucking made it. and there are more years to come.#there's a life ahead. even if it's going to be a bitch. even if it's going to be tough. there's love in your heart and people who care and#you're going to fucking live and you're going to feel better one day. you have people to meet properly and thank and cherish.#because for every day it feel like the world's ending there are a dozen more where the sun shines just the right way through the rain#and you can't help but smile because it's just so god damn beautiful.#and fuck it. you're sick. your hands hurt and your legs don't work right. and it's tough sometimes. but you have people who understand.#you have people who honest to god love you for who you are and appreciate your company. and 18 is the first step.#you've spent half your life unlearning things and you've spent half your life relearning how to be what YOU want to be#and if you're a mediocre artist and passionate writer then you'll be fucking great at that. taking the time to learn when it strikes you.#and maybe this is for me. but its also for anybody reading it too. please god if there's one thing you take from this let it be that#somebody out there cares. *I* care. god i care. even if we've never spoken proper i care about you.#i practically have a list of everybody i see in my inbox. i love seeing familiar names show up. i.#i dont know how to neatly wrap up this tag ramble. but. i am so damn full of love it hurts sometimes. its scary to be happy but thats ok!
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Advice from experience: Be VERY careful on spending money on games, especially if what you're spending money on is like, limited events and shit.
Once you're in, you're IN and it's very, very hard to get out of mostly because of guilt and not wanting to put down stuff you've spent hours grinding for.
#alt rambles#rants in tags#recently started putting down and breaking off of a game that i've been grinding on for two years#and realised how much more time i have on my hands#and how much less draining my daily life is#and that i have more energy and time to do stuff instead of spending 2-3 hours every day to grind on the game#yea i spent 2-3 sometimes 4 hours per day just playing this game on a daily basis for the last 2 years#because i spent money and a shit load of time and effort in it#so putting it down genuinely makes me feel a lot of guilt#cause i feel like its such a waste#but like idk#i got really frustrated the other day and so burned out i gave myself a few days break and hoenstly im doing so much better than before#and i actually have time to do other stuff and do more art that now im starting to like#not want to go back to playing the game anymore#lmao yea if you know me you know what game im talking about#i mean i still love the game but damn was it fucking predatory and its only gotten worse thanks to new updates imo#it was fun before and now its just endless grinding#anyways#its another reason why i dont wanna pick up playing genshit even though i really want to#cause i finally got scara (thanks friend who logs in sometimes)#cause like i know genshit will also do that to me smh#anyways idk its just been on my mind lately about how i have unhealthy relationships with a lot of video games#i think im just going to stick to games like sdv and sr that don't have event after event#so thta i can go for breaks without feeling bad or like im missing out
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faux-ho · 1 year
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the bear has left me feeling quite numb i’m not gonna lie.
this will definitely be my least favorite season. it just feels like THE MIDDLE ™️ i need to see how the whole story concludes, where our players end up to give a final verdict
and y’all… don’t make me have to defend claire but someone saying it was out of line for her to be at the friends and family night, when she is clearly both to the berzatto’s, is ridiculous.
she has a relationship with sugar. richie literally touched foreheads with her in the middle of service. carmy just presumably asked her to be his gf the night before. im not into her or the plot line but she is a friend and was potentially on her way to being family.
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dinitride-art · 2 years
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okay, so, I have had my suspicions about this for a while, but The Great Gatsby is  47,094 words. And that’s whatever, it’s a short book, and easy read and has a weird historical explanation as to why it’s popular now even though it wasn’t when it was originally published. 
My point is, that it’s still a book. 
As of right now, my lighting analysis/analysis of season four is 36,491 words.
By the end of this analysis, I will probably go over the word count of the Great Gatsby. 
And that is absolutely insane. That is a (short) novels worth of writing. 
what has byler done to me
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grimmjowjaegerjaquez · 10 months
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still thinking about the kurt and amanda shit like whyyyyyy cant they just be siblings. WHY make his main romantic interest his adoptive sister that he has known since he was a baby because her mom raised him. why.
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neonpigeons · 2 years
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in my "afraid of everything" era
#is it anxiety? probably#i've been extra paranoid lately over things that are legitimate threats but not like. a real pressing concern#like bears? grizzly bears? was in the woods on saturday and i was like ''if i see a bear im gonna shit'' but we didn't#i didn't want anything to happen to noodle#but my friend had a shotgun to scare them off so we were fine#i also heard coyotes the other night while walking and im also afraid of them going after noodle so i haven't walked in over a week#AND ALSO THERE'S A SERIAL KILLER that's in a town that isnt THAT far away from where i live#the funny thing is that my fears are making me fall asleep at a decent time cuz I don't like being out at night alone anymore#gah I've also always had a fear of predator animals attacking and eating me but it's been worrying me more lately idk why#when i was a kid my aunt lived in the deep woods of oregon#and a mountain lion killed some of their baby cows and i unfortunately saw the dead cows. when i was a kid#it fucked me up more than i wanted to admit and i was always so fucking scared of an animal gutting ME#like when i delivered pizzas at my last job and i had to go to the more remote areas closer to the foothills#the fear i always had in the back of my head 😵‍💫#everyone always thought i was silly for it!! they were like ''cougars are afraid of cars they wouldn't bother you''#okay but im holding a tasty fucking pizza in my hands? covered in meat? im a walking slab of meat? what if one is especially hungry??#hgkfnkshfsk okay sorry im fine it's fine i am safely in my home it's okay. i need to stop freaking out over nothing#ari speaks#sorry for the long ass tags#if you've gotten this far i love you and i hope you have a wonderful day 😚💌🫂#oh this also doesn't even dive into my fear of love and human interaction. but i should maybe save that for a therapist#...if i ever get another one
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