#and fuck the shitty ccs or whatever

[cabinetduo]

what it is is like, on a meta level there were characters in the dream smp who were played by ccs who didn't have a large enough fanbase or "lore importance" to impact the writers room. like there were characters with specific written roles and there were characters whose arcs and internal conflict weren’t even being considered right. people's inability to separate cc from c also contributed, with cgnfs lore importance correlating w the ccs large audience (and ties to the main antagonist), he never would've been relevant otherwise. cniki was lightning in a bottle bcs she had just enough involvement with the guy's involved in the "main plot" to get eyes on her and what she did with that stage and focus was so captivating her character was able to stand alone with a fanbase of her own

however because of the nature of the dsmp, being able to see every characters individual perspective, the idea of 'side characters' only exists on a kinda narrative level, like for all intents and purposes ctommy was the main character (ignoring that old ass debate), the story was being sort of written with him at the center so thats how he was treated narratively but also on a meta level, many characters arcs were weighted based on how ctommy interacted with them. there were no side characters in the dsmp bcs of the nature of streaming as a medium but in the like, overarching story, ctommy is the mc

ALL OF THIS TO SAY ctubbo exists paradoxically. like technically he's one of the 'main guys' the fandom would focus on and was close enough to garner his own dedicated fanbase but [the thoughtstream that would spur this post] in modern discussions about dsmp nostalgia and character quotes and stuff I've never once seen ctubbos name.

So but but butttttttt on a meta level, narrative level, and TEXTUALLY LIKE IN THE ACTUAL TEXT he is regarded as a side character. like cctubbo gained a large enough fanbase to stand on his own but despite his proximity to the writers room he wasn't very involved in the writing of the "script" however the importance of his character to ctommy made it so that his character was always considered in the script (well characterized or not). with ctommy as the mc and ctubbo as his best friend, in the story of the overall dsmp ctubbo is the sidekick to main main character. now that's all well and good if it was only on a meta/textual level but this dynamic is actually crucial to his arc like actually IN THE TEXT

like in season 2 cdream is the main antagonist with making ctommys life a living hell being his main goal. he meticulously separates them and incites a canyon sized rift in their relationship. then while tubbo is holding up the sky and being [new] lmanburgs youngest acting president. cdream fully befriend him at his lowest with the intention of using him against ctommy. ctubbo was never a person in cdream's eyes. he, like many other characters, goes out of his way to dehumanize ctubbo, viewing him as an extension of ctommy the same way the discs are, something to taunt him with or destroy for a reaction. we see this in the white house fight and disc saga finale. despite going out of his way to gain ctubbos trust and play chess with him everyday, cdream never even saw him as a person (how fucked is that)

Anyway where was I goibg with this..ctubbo had enough ties to the 'main characters' to be tied to the 'main narrative' of the dsmp (in quotes bcs there's nuances to those phrases) but not enough to be allowed to stand alone on a meta level, narrative level, and in the text when regarded by other characters. it isn't until later in the story [thru streamer and tubbling efforts that he kinda gets his own legs? until the story requires otherwise from him and he's dragged along to whatever role the main story needs him to play (which in retrospect led to a lott of mischaraterization huh who knew

[bipolbur]

my day is already shit enough what do you mean the response video is finally coming out and keemstar is the one who announced it

[dadvidtism]

cc tier list.. putting it here to rant a little in a ‘not into a wall’ way.. for personal needs.. 😇

[kurain-genealogy]

i said i was gonna post about it and i am. i don't think william afton hates his kids. i don't think william afton is a mad scientist that kidnapped and put children in hallucinogenic gas chambers. whatever the fuck dittophobia said about afton doing all that, plus not stopping/furthering the bullying between michael and cc, is just dumb & wrong. william wanting his kids to fight, even die, is comically evil in the "bad writing" way. him being characterized as someone who experiments on children (including his own with no regard for their lives) in order to achieve immortality or whatever his supposed motivation is, is just really... nothing? as a character there is nothing to make him feel real. in an attempt to flesh out this character, they made him into a cartoon villain with "evil" being his only defining trait. whatever, i could talk for so long about how dumb i think all the dittophobia stuff is but i think most ppl on tumblr are on the same page regarding that.

to me, william afton is best characterized as someone who, at the Very Least, Doesn't Want His Own Children To Die. he can be a shitty father all around, or he can be a genuine loving father who is also a serial killer, as long as he Cares if they Die? most of what makes william afton an interesting villain, and where a lot of people interpret his motivation comes from, is how despite all his best efforts, he cannot prevent the death or downfall of his own family. he is in a tragedy of his own making, a self-imposed hell crafted by his hubris and violence. if you take this away, why should i care what happens to him? william afton was scariest when he was just purple guy and we knew nothing. william afton is most interesting when we have all these relationships and dynamics where we can seriously study and speculate the circumstances behind/around his actions, when he has something to lose (and will lose). william afton is most stale when more things are added to his story without purpose, filling in gaps that were better unfilled or we didn't even know were there – anything after UCN, basically. bro isn't scary anymore because he's either peepaw afton who's brought back despite his story being over, or he's cartoon network's newest over-the-top villian that you can't take seriously.

okay anyway. ANYWAY. william doesn't hate his kids. even if he's a shitty father, i think he still loves his kids. why else would he try and scare his kids away from the robots if he didn't want them to die? why would he design circus baby after his daughter if he didn't care for her, adore her, even? if you believe the theory that he talked to cc through the fredbear plush (idr if that's actually canon), why would he be trying to protect/comfort him?

i don't think he's a perfect, or even a good father, by any means. if you interpret him to be on the better side, that's great and fine. i'd love to hear how other people interpret/characterize afton if you wanna share! continuing on for this post, i'm going to lay out how i personally see william afton.

to me, he is someone who is very concerned and preoccupied with his image and how others view him & his family. even if he's super shitty and awful towards his kids, he at least cares that they all look good as a family unit, that they're well behaved, that he can send family portrait holiday cards to all his business partners and investors.

he strikes me very much as the typical authoritarian parent of the 80s. harsher on his sons because "men don't cry," wants his kids to say "yes, sir," and "no, sir," believes in "tough love," often says "my house, my rules," he has the final say in everything, maybe thinks hitting them from time to time is a normal, necessary punishment. not all entirely malicious, but thinks he's doing what's best, what's right, acting like a parent and father Should act, perhaps how he himself was raised. unfortunately, a very common parental mindset (even outside of serial killers). maybe he was a little scarier sometimes though, a little more unhinged or violently angry. who's to say.

but he's still just a guy who could exist in real life. he still eats dinner with his family every night, hangs his kids' drawings on the fridge, had to turn the car around because they wouldn't stop fighting in the backseat, attended awkward parent-teacher conferences, everything. he was once a new father who happily came home with his first newborn, lost countless nights of sleep over the course of two more, loves them because they're his.

meticulously and senselessly killed children, then came home and tucked his own into bed and kissed them goodnight.

he can be abusive and still love his kids. he can be a murderer and still care for his own kids' lives. maybe the loss of his own kids is what triggered his actions, or maybe it was something else. i'm fine with not knowing because we don't need to know everything, and it's more interesting when we don't.

Something Is Seriously Wrong With This Guy And We Don't Know What or Why. when acquaintances find out he's a suspected murderer, it should be shocking and upsetting. he's such a great man and father, he wouldn't murder those kids! when michael discovers his father's crimes, he should be in denial. sure, he could be scary sometimes, but he wouldn't kill anyone... right? there's a great cognitive dissonance between who he appears to be and who he actually is.

whether william descended into grief-induced madness and obsession, or was just always some kind of freak, or both, i don't think he saw his own family as disposable. even if he didn't truly love them, he at least needed to keep up his own facade as a friendly family man. personally i like to see him as someone who was a shitty father but still loved his kids, because people like that exist, and it makes him a much more interesting, realistic, and nuanced character than if he just didn't care about them At All.

[toxifoxx]

What is your William's relationship with his kids like

OKAY SO!!!

the gist of it: william very much loves and cares for his children, however he is a shitty parent and often ends up emotionally neglecting them. he's also overprotective and controlling, hence the cameras all over the place. he has an idealized version of them in his head and whenever they inevitably do not live up to that standard, william is disappointed. if he is Perfect, his family must be Perfect too.

now, into the specifics… (long as fuck so its under the cut)

michael: their relationship is rocky. michael was an accident, william didn't intend to have him and wasn't quite prepared. his arrival pressured william into marrying clara, to keep up appearances and what not. worse yet, william suffered from postpartum depression after giving birth to michael, so for the first year or so michael was continually dumped onto clara or sometimes henry. once michael became a toddler, though, william finally started bonding with him, and through his childhood years they had a pretty good relationship (michael liked to watch him make the animatronics). but when elizabeth and evan were born, michael got less and less attention since his siblings were favored over him (and despite william loving him, he still held a bit of resentment deep down). and so michael starts acting out for william's attention. and it works, but it creates a sort of feedback loop, because while he does get the attention, acting out also makes william neglect him more, because michael isn't living up to his ideals. and then after the bite, well. he just entirely gets the cold shoulder from william, the two of them barely ever interacting (at least if william can help it). things start to mellow out over time, but william refuses to take any part of the blame himself, so michael is always acutely aware his dad blames and resents him for what he did, even when he's trying to be outwardly loving.

elizabeth: the favorite of the bunch, probably because she's partially henry's :3c despite her ALSO being an accident, william is much fonder of her because she's henry's and also because he was actually ready to have kids/wanted more at that point in time. she is very typically spoiled by william, he gets her whatever she wants. and whenever he's actually paying attention to his children, she tends to get the most attention out of the three of them. she also starts taking after william in some ways, which makes him quite happy as she's the closest to matching his ideals. she's probably most willing(?) to fit into the mold of perfection and admires william a lot. looking at her, william can imagine a world where he and henry actually got to start a family together.

evan (CC): things are kinda complex with him. he was actually intentional so william is perfectly happy with his birth, no objections there. in his baby to toddler years he is incredibly favored and adored, with william spending a lot of time with him, even despite elizabeth. once he hits childhood though, william's perspective kind of shifts. because evan reminds him far too much of himself as a child. too timid, too weak, and crying far too much. the reminder of william's past is incredibly uncomfortable to him, which leads to him distancing himself a bit (though he still loves him... when he's not crying). and so the whole reason michael's bullying gets to go unchecked for so long is because william simply believes evan needs to toughen up, like will did when he was younger. william turned out completely fine (lie), so surely it should work for evan too, right? (spoiler alert. ummm)

(bonus, something subject to change (i need to bounce it around in my head a bit more): i like the idea of william potentially having a child before michael in his college years, but losing it due to a miscarriage. thus leading to the dislike for having michael so soon afterwards, and to his devastation at losing his other children. and also the fact the springlock incident renders him essentially infertile (or at least can't get pregnant without danger), alongside his age - he can't have any more children, and there is no replacing what he lost.)

[im-out-of-it]

HAPPY ALEC RANT: MAINLY SHOW ALEC (KINDA BOOK ALEC) BUT HOW HAS MY BOY NOT HAD A MILLION MENTAL BREAKDOWNS?????? CHEERS TO MY MAN ALEC FOR KEEPING HIS SHIT TOGETHER

seriously alec puts up with sooooo much shit. he’s always saving jaces worthless ass, Maryse and Robert are always on him for “family honor”, jace is always yelling at him when clary goes missing as if he can be held responsible for her, and poor soul is just so unhappy

book Alec: not going to mention the writing because it’s so atrocious and ah shit, I already did!!!! seriously, Alec gets treated badly by jace mostly all throughout the series. Alec constantly has to save his life in every book. he’s made to feel that he needs to come out. even Magnus (WHY MAGNUS) is pushing Alec to come out and coming after A TEENAGE ALEC. I feel like Alec is simply not happy basically throughout the whole TMI series. he’s made to be biphobic, acting as though Magnus can’t have a past, tries to make Magnus mortal (ALEC WOULD NEVER), and dude can’t even be his own person without thinking of jace. he’s so badly written and cc has damaged his character so much. I genuinely hope in my world, he’s more like show Alec and living his best and carefree healthy life with Magnus 🥰

show Alec: MY FAVVVVVVVVV!!!!!! his parents are on him for saving the family honor and reputation (because of fucking clary ew), then Maryse gets mad after Alec finally chooses for himself, jace is always using him and expecting Alec to drop everything and save him, clary does the same and doesn’t care about the rules just what she wants. Lydia was such a small character and I know some don’t like her but at least she was nice towards Alec.

honestly in majority of the first season, everyone is yelling or getting shitty with Alec. I’m sorry but this man is so reasonable and lenient. he has let a ton of shit fly!!!! if I was in charge of the institute, I would’ve shipped clarys annoying ass off somewhere else. sorry but not my problem 💀 and the way jace treats Alec is unforgivable. I really wanted Alec to give in and go off completely. I’m glad he stands up for himself cause boy did not have the honor to do it in the books. we know we get the “I’m not your bitch” line but let’s be honest, Alec isn’t his own person.

I’m just amazed he never went completely unhinged. Magnus, Lydia, Izzy (mostly) are probably the only people who are nice to Alec and don’t treat him badly. a little bit of Simon too!!!!! Alec seriously deserved a huge vacation after season one. I’m amazed he stuck by jaces side after all jace did. let that fucker die and stay dead, please!!! IM SERIOUSLY BEGGING AT THIS POINT LMAO

just major props to Alec for not losing his shit and being one of the best characters ever. I can see why Matt is so proud of Alec and whoever changed show Alec and made him better, THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY COLD HEART SERIOUSLY THANK YOU

because what the fuck was it with jace saying “oh Alec will be here.” like Alec has made it clear that he doesn’t want to be involved with all the missions clary is trying to accomplish (bitch there are rules wtf), resulting in his family’s reputation, Izzy being almost reduned. he expects Alec to do whatever he says. and then when ms. I don’t care about the rules so I’ll run away does indeed run away, jace says Alec isn’t doing his best. might I add, is crossing the line. Alec has done so much for you, you ungrateful unworthy ass!!!!!! somebody needed to beat this child I swear

he gets to be happy with Magnus and actually shows what a healthy and fun relationship is. tries to change the relationships between downworlders and shadowhunters. MAKING HISTORY!! is probably the best leader ever in my opinion. he’s just out here thriving

also wish they would’ve kept his sassiness throughout the seasons. imagine his range and sass please. WE NEEDED IT

[isa-ghost]

OMG i would love to hear more qphil headcannons!

SET 5 LETS GOOOOO

Previous Sets:

Set 1

Set 2

Set 3

Set 4

When he's alone he gives so many less fucks. Anytime he passes a Federation camera or building or whatever he flips it off. Sometimes he'll stop to do it, do a funky mocking jig out of spite. If Fit has Fuck The Catfish (FTC) then Phil has FTF. Fuck the Feds

Besides the fact that he's sentimental about stupid shit, he also hasn't deconstructed the shitty dirt shack yet because he treats it as rent lowering gunshots. That's his wall. Bitch.

He's a teeny tiny bit sad everyone who lived IN the wall is sorta gone for one reason or another. It's a bit lonely. And eerie, considering a lot of the time they lived in there was before the worst of what's happened to everyone happened. The insides of the walls feel like a fucked up time capsule now...

We've seen this in canon but he LOVES to wander. Wanderlust his beloved. Find cool shit, collect cool shit, get cool pictures. It's just nothing but Ws. ... He feels a lot of deja vu doing it. He'd be able to place it if he could just fly...

Ever since that taste of flight in Purgatory, he's been aching so much more for it again. His stomach fills with dread at the thought of saving Tubbo's life costing him his wings. He'd make the decision he did again & 100x over, but flying is so core to who he is. He can't fathom being grounded for the rest of eternity.

If it weren't for the constant danger he feels like he's in, he'd LOVE to just lay down on his stomach on Chayanne's old house's roof & just sun his wings. Mmmmmm warmmmm

He'll never admit it to Lullah, but sometimes he switches up what he eats between his avocado toast phases so he never gets sick of it. She thinks he just infinitely enjoys the stuff.

He's convinced the Baker is a paid [Federation employee? Cucurucho 3?] actor that can't, no matter what, break their stoic smile. Phil spends SO much time when he has no other responsibilities trying to get them to crack. He flips them off, he makes faces, he threatens them, he rambles off the wildest most random shit. He did the DK prank. He dances in front of them. Nothing. But one day he'll get them.

Just like cc!Phil, he loathes a lot of stereotypical British stuff, like tea. It's so funny. Fit & Tubbo especially like pushing his buttons about it, his food rants are the best.

When he heard someone on the island made up a rumor that Eggza is legit because Phil taste-tested a cookie out of curiosity, he took that and RAN. Yeah. He's egg sometimes. Who's his parent you ask? Well that's a secret (it's Rose).

The moment Fit told him he has a thing for Pac, Phil instantly launched into wingman mode (pun intended). No more,,,, Hitting The Gym Together. Fit wants more than a fwb, Phil is SO here for it

Cellbit & Baghera take priority over everything. But GOD is he not ready for the flashbacks when he gets to Egg Island to save them. He didn't know Etoiles left that scar on his back...

In very dad fashion, his sneezes and yawns are fucking atrocious. Unnecessarily loud.

The islanders closest to him + the kids are starting to think he's got some kinda sleep disorder. He sleeps for an awful long time sometimes... (when his hc streams get long :) )

This idiot sleeps in the worst places I bet his back cracks and pops like fucking bubble wrap (same tho)

[calhanx]

Please let me make a fansession with these dumbasses. Do you have Dream moons or even classpects?

nothing official yet since im still in the process of adding more socials to the mix but for now my very rough draft is

tumblr — prospit (page of life)

4chan — prospit (prince of hope)

twitter — derse (thief of heart)

tiktok — derse (bard of time)

reddit — prospit (seer of rage)

instagram — prospit (maid of space)

deviantart — derse (heir of void)

youtube — derse (knight of light)

as for my reasoning, pages tend to suffer from their aspect being taken from them or suffering from other people's manifestation of the PAGE's aspect. tavros's agency was always taken away by vriska. jake was everyones crush in the alpha kids group (one of hopes domain is sexuality and crushes. so its like they had hopes for jake) and it ended horribly. and horuss was often told off by meulin to keep a facade of smiles and politeness (voiding him even FURTHER). or whatever i dont remember much.

and yknow tumblr is like. why the hell does everyone think this site is dead? its cause twitter got most of the userbase when the porn ban happened. then BAM suddenly folks wanna get a piece of tumblr cause theyre all suffering under annoying billionaires (luxury is a domain of life, but can also be a source for doom).

as for 4chan. well ok im not familiar with 4chan but their vibes pretty similar to eridan so lets go with that.

twitter is a thief of heart because they always steal content from other sites (technically most sites do this) and its got a culture of being mean all the damn time even to earnest (heart) things. and i guess because of the short shelf life of tweets and trends, its impossible for most of its userbase to really make an identity? excpet for the influencers on there lol idk. so theres this lack of their aspect, which is a thing thieves go through and is something that causes them to always seek said aspect. still tentative!

tiktok is a bard of time because they invite destruction to time. they waste your time. they waste other peoples time. thats literally how its built. even its trends and culture make ME (personal opinion) go "why am i being subjected to this i dont care stop wasting my time". they dont last long either or at least dont stay relevant (to ME)

reddit. idk thats the place where smarty know it alls go. and yknow the challenge for seers is that they have to learn how to be wrong and EFFECTIVELY communicate with their teammates (kankri failed on both accounts. kept shitting on porrim. pre retcon rose failed on the latter because yknow alcoholism. retcon rose eeeeeh didnt really have a choice in improving herself on her own cause vriska did it for her but hey if it works it works i guess). if you make reddit into a person, seer feels like an appropriate class. also i picked rage for them because rage = truth. also lots of trolls on there, both in provoking rage through silly funnies, real life stories, real life but Insane stories, or legit fucked up stuff.

instagram is the maid of space because idk its vibes make me think porrim would like it. tentative idk much about it. all i know is that its very prospit-y because it requires the user to have a looot of grit to maintain their acc because of their shitty "post regularly" algorithm. at least from what i remember.

deviantart is heir of void because they are like equius. i think you get it. horses. sweat.

youtube is a knight of light because its culture revolves around its content creators! and yknow ccs gotta put up a front to entertain ya. its light because of its content! they literally need and breathe your attention. sometimes has educational stuff (knowledge) sometimes is just shitposts (attention) sometimes its really cool impressive stuff like speedrunning and gaming (victory/luck) sometimes its just funny challenges (success over goals). so putting all this together and makin a person out of it its like oh! theyre going to be sooooooo dysfunctional

anyway lots of this is still not finalized but feel free to do what ya want! socialstuck is free to share and im always glad to find folks makin stuff about it :]

[outivv]

I don't know if you have notice but have you seen how many genshin content creator are doing the McD collab?

Here a list to know which cc you should no longer support.

https://x.com/humunukuapua_aa/status/1837246062769360983?t=XyU00ixblvW8cM2j-kkxmg&s=19

If you are a fan of Dish. Her response to this whole thing is an ick

Don’t get me started…

I never was a big fan of genshin content creators- cause all of them were usually hoyocreators and obviously signed with hyv so I was like “ok okay cool so they basically can never say anything negative about the game. Awesome.” So I never payed attention to them much, but I obv know who they are.

I think their response to everything is terrible. Actually terrible. I don’t care if you’re a content creator for hyv, if you’re signed with them, fucking whatever- you gotta buy a shitty ass meal from a company that actually is supporting a mass genocide of innocent people? It’s not cute, it’s not quirky, no one thinks it’s fun or funny, you’re a fucking loser. Like a straight up loser, what the hell is wrong with you?

I’m sorry, it’s just dumb, like actually dumb as hell to me- because like you’re willing to actually sacrifice that much just for a FUCKING DUMBASS VIDEO GAME COLLAB???

“Oh but what’s one purchase gonna do? It’s like $10 and then I’ll go right back to boycotting!!” Yeah you and thousands of other people said the same thing, and now McDonald’s made a ton of fucking money again and people think it’s okay to buy from them again despite the boycott. Go fuck yourself.

[hearts401]

smiles at you. do you have any references for your afton kids designs (or if not at least sketches/drawings,,, colored preferably) thank yewwww<3

not proud of this drawing but whatever!! its gets my point across!!!

also mikes hair is dyed his hair normally is brown :3

tiny bc its ugly

rambles under the cut!!

that cc design is ugly as fuck im still working it out so the only thing i can say abt it is he has green eyes like his mom <333

liz looks just like her mom so!! yippee!!!

i also gave her curlier hair bc i like it more

NOW FOR MIKE...

he has much tanner skin bc he spends more time outside to get out of his shitty house. he dyes his hair+keeps it long to not look like his dad

when he gets older, he drops that, cuts it, stops dying it, and stays inside more.

because of that he gets paler and his hair becomes brown just like his dad lolz

thats all ty for listening and sorry the art is kinda ass i hate it sm but im so tired loll

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

like actually because this is something I’ve noticed and it’s concerning me:

there’s a level of paranoia going around about CCs that I’ve noticed that seems genuinely fucking unhealthy. obviously do not put people on pedestals but also like. you absolutely should not assume all CCs are hiding being a fucking abuser or a groomer that is genuinely unhealthy levels of paranoia. the victim in this case Is A CC and it’s disrespectful to her if nothing else.

there is a baseline level of trust that is healthy to show CCs and complete strangers, and that’s basic good faith trust that someone’s going to be a decent human being. obviously, the second someone violates that trust, you shouldn’t continue doing that, if you feel ever weird and in danger trust that feeling, but if you go around treating everyone with zero trust at all you’ll never form bonds, and those are important. including parasocial bonds! those are a normal and healthy part of human life people have had for millennia, they can be unhealthy but simply feeling parasocial attachment is a normal part of being a human you shouldn’t feel like is a dangerous amount of trust to put into absolutely anyone.

because… you have to realise, this is not a mcyt problem. not entirely. this is how humans are. humans in any community, humans you are friends with. there are shitty people out there, but letting that make you have no trust in anyone isn’t a healthy coping mechanism- its trauma. automatically assuming strangers are dangerous and seeing the worst in them is a trauma response. and like. i don’t like seeing people encouraging that as a healthy way to watch streamers? like, don’t be a fucking shooter for any cc, but at that level of paranoia where you take everything stated in the worst light possible is unhealthy, and i mean this as genuinely as possible. this isn’t saying to ignore red flags and people genuinely being awful, not at all, but if you're assuming there’s always going to be a red flag when you turn the corner then very gently- that's trauma. those are called emotional flashbacks. i get those too, they suck. but being on constant vigilance isn’t healthy. take a deep breath. get a drink of water. make whatever decision you think is right, but if you're feeling paranoid and angry and alone, all the time, that genuinely isn’t mentally healthy please do some research into cptsd and ptsd

[loversj0y]

'tis the damn season

chapter three - the road not taken looks real good now

swirling, bubbling anxieties grow as time begins to tick on winter break, you can only hold onto so much uncertainty before it starts to slip through your fingers.

tis the damn season masterlist

pairing: cc!wilbur soot x gn!reader

this chapter is more angst-focused, but there is fluff as well. consider it a hurt/comfort

trigger warnings: reader's mother is abusive (not physically) and father is emotionally absent. this will be talked about in extensive detail. alcohol, some suggestive themes, and a lot of anxiety, MAJOR TW FOR PANIC ATTACK

author's note: so listen. a lot of the original plot of the song 'tis the damn season relies on ye-olde miscommunication trope. i hate that trope because we are adults here who talk about our feelings! sometimes it doesnt help though! but we take what we can get! this chapter is a really long one as well because the communication is such a hefty bulk of it ao3 version is available here!

word count: 11.0k

The next four days remained like this; a calm domestic bliss. You did end up going on Wilbur’s stream, but you ended up being unseen in the background while he played Geoguessr. His chat was really nice though. 

“Wilbur, I’m telling you, it’s Luxembourg.”

“I know you think that, but I’m like 99% certain it’s Belgium.” He checked the chat briefly, where everyone was agreeing with you. “Chat, shut up, you led me astray last time.” However, once he’d selected Belgium, he was quickly proven wrong, slamming a hand down on the table before placing his hand over his face. He slowly turned to where you were giving him a knowing look. 

“What did I tell you?”

“That it was Luxembourg,” he mumbled meekly.

“And what did you select?”

“Belgium.”

“Mmhm. I told you so.” 

He threw his head back with a groan while chat proceeded to make fun of him and praise you. 

“I expect a full apology after stream.” You grinned at him, both of you knowing you were just asking for a kiss. 

He grinned back at you, turning back to the stream where a few keen eyes noticed the faint flush on his cheeks. Most others in chat just made a comment about him being in trouble. 

Every day was a good one with him, though. With your parents knowing that you were with Wilbur, they backed off far more, meaning you and him were able to stay in your little bubble together. You started freaking out by the 5th day though. You had two days - technically three, but you had to get the train to London around 9 pm, so it wasn’t exactly a whole day. You just kept thinking about when you’d get home to your shitty flat and your shitty roommates and that shitty fucking city. You felt yourself missing Wilbur’s arms the more you thought about it, even when he was right next to you. You were up for hours that night, riddled with fears and anxieties about the next weeks. Yes, you and Wilbur had a plan to just see how things go and figure it out as you went, but some part of you just could not accept it. For whatever reason, it actually filled you with more anxiety. Mainly because you know yourself better than Wilbur does now, you know your workload, everything that you do each day, and just how little time you have. If it weren’t for the fact that you knew you’d probably have an assignment due immediately the first week back, you could’ve at least consoled yourself with the idea of going down to visit him in Brighton. But you didn’t even have that. 

Part of you wanted to fight with him. You wanted to nitpick and find some tiny detail you could start some stupid fight about. It would be so much easier to go back if he hated you again. You wouldn’t feel the ball of guilt in your chest growing in size every time he brought up the future. It would crush you, but at least then he wouldn’t wait for you. Maybe he could move on if you made him hate you again. 

But you couldn’t bring yourself to really do that. As strongly as you refused to admit it, you love him. And maybe it was selfish of you to hold on. Regardless, it did not change how you felt. 

The guilt grew in your chest as you continued down the mental rabbit hole. You thought about the first few weeks in London. The ache that lived in you now because of how much you missed him. While you got used to the ache, you knew that it would be bigger now once you returned to London. Even worse, you knew he felt it now too. Originally, you could hide your guilt in the farce that he hated you, but now, knowing the truth, you knew that he would share in that ache, the same ache that led you to accept his proposal of going back to his place two weeks ago. 

In your head, you entertained an idea. This idea is that everything would be alright if you didn’t have your obligations in London. He would ask you to stay with him, and you would accept. He wouldn’t have to worry about waiting for you. You’d leave your shitty apartment and the so-called friends to move in with him in Brighton, where you’d be happy because you were with him. He’d introduce you to more of his friends until you were a naturally integrated part of their dynamic. You’d help him and his friends with making videos and writing scripts. And everything would be perfect. You’d be happy. You would’ve taken the road less traveled and it would’ve been just as good as you’d imagined it.

But it wasn’t real. You worked your ass off to get into a good school, and you continued to work your ass off to graduate. You, unfortunately, couldn’t just freely abandon everything you’d worked for just because you found happiness in him once again. 

You don’t know when you started crying. Somewhere in the mess of thinking about the future and fearing that you’d lose Wilbur again. You didn’t want him to see you like this, let alone wake up to this. You unraveled yourself from his arms, quickly heading to his bathroom. You sat against the locked door, sobbing softly into your hands. You didn’t want to admit how terrified you were, you wanted to hate him, you wanted something that would make this easier and make the ache lessen. You were overwhelmed by the ball in your chest reminding you of every obligation and responsibility and fear that you had. You felt like you were crashing, but you didn’t know what towards. You felt yourself wishing you never showed up, wishing you never went to the pub that night, never had agreed to go back to his place, never spoken to him, never kissed him in the dark of his room, everything you regretted. Only because as happy as he made you, he made the thought of leaving that much more painful. 

You heard footsteps and took a deep, shaky breath, trying to silence your own breakdown. 

He knocked on the door, “Babe? You alright?”

You nodded, even though he couldn’t see you, scared to use your voice. 

But you had to, regardless, “Uhm-“ your voice cracked meekly, “Yeah, I’m- I’m fine.” You very obviously were not, but you didn’t want him to know. 

He wouldn’t let it go that easily though, “Can I come in?” 

You didn’t give a response. You took another shaky breath, wiping at your eyes. You stood slowly, shaking far more than you’d realized. Your hand lay on the doorknob for a moment. He wouldn’t just walk away, you knew that. You were just hoping you could be more put together when he woke up. 

You opened the door slowly, looking up to meet his eyes. 

You recognized alarm flashing over his face before he opened his arms for you, “Come here love.”

You went into his arms, fighting the urge to cry even harder now. 

“What’s going on?” He asked, speaking softly as if the world would crack. 

“I’m just-“ a shaky sob broke your sentence, “I’m overwhelmed.” 

He nodded, holding you closer. He wanted to ask more, but instead, he pressed a kiss to the top of your head. 

“Let’s go lay down, you can cry it out, and then we can talk. Does that sound good?” 

You didn’t want to talk about it, truthfully, but it was better than sitting on the cold bathroom floor at least. You nodded, and he pulled away to walk both of you back to bed. He laid down first, opening his arms for you once again, and you did not hesitate to pull yourself into him. You tried to hold back from breaking down completely again, but once you were in his arms, everything came back all at once. That overwhelming feeling took over once more, and you cried and sobbed like a child against him. He held you the whole time, which only made you cry harder as you thought of leaving him and this safe haven of his bedroom. If you had it your way, you’d never even leave this bed. Your own felt cold in comparison to his. He rubbed your back to console you, singing softly under his breath. Sobs eventually turned into sighs, and you came out from Will’s arms, rubbing at your eyes.

“‘M sorry. Just had a bad night.”

You sat on your heels in front of him, trying to avoid his eye line. 

He placed his hands on your hips, rubbing your sides, “Don’t apologize. What’s on your mind?”

You ran a hand through your hair, “A lot.”

He was quiet for a moment, waiting for you to elaborate. When you didn’t, he spoke again, “Do you want to go for a walk? Maybe get some fresh air?” 

Honestly, some air sounded fantastic. The cold seemed refreshing after the night you’d had. You nodded. 

He rubbed your back and nodded, “Alright. Get dressed in something warmer. I’ll grab us something to snack on.” 

You nodded once again. You dressed quickly, then sat on the edge of Wilbur’s bed. Everything felt so out of your control. You barely even noticed his return to the room, until he placed his hand on your back, causing you to jump.

“Sorry, sorry, should’ve said something. You ready?” 

You nodded, standing with arms crossed and following him outside. When you stepped outside, the frigid air immediately gave a sense of relief. You took in a deep breath, air coming back out in a soft haze due to the temperature. The walk was quiet. The world seemed to be aware of the tenseness in your throat and matched key, everything around the two of you entranced in an overt stillness. 

The silence was cut short by the stopping of feet and a hitch of breath as you stared in front of you at the field where you and Wilbur shared your first kiss. Wilbur didn’t notice you’d stopped at first, content to keep walking along the path. He turned to you.

“Is everything alright?” 

You turned your head to look back at him, nodding, before looking back once again. He followed your gaze to the field, making a noise of understanding. 

“Do you want to go sit? I brought a blanket.” 

He did. You hadn’t even noticed the thing slung along his opposite shoulder until now. 

“Yeah,” you nodded after a moment. You cautiously tried to ignore the fact that it was the same blanket he’d brought out here that same night as well. Everything was already overwhelming enough, you couldn’t add more nostalgia to the mess. 

Gently taking your hand, he led you over to the field, putting down the blanket. He sat down, motioning for you to do the same. You sat next to him and placed your head against him lightly. He wrapped an arm around you, holding you close to him. You two sat there quietly for a few minutes. 

As the ball in your chest collapsed further in on itself, you realized that you’d have to talk about it. Communication was key, and if you didn’t get at least some of it out, it would only get worse and more overwhelming. Despite your self-sabotaging tendencies, you didn’t want to ruin this. 

“I’m scared,” you spoke timidly. 

He looked down at you, almost shocked to hear you opening up, “What about?” 

“Us. I… I know you have this plan where we sit it out and see what we can do, but I’m just- I’m scared because I know I won’t have time. I know my workload, I know how little time I have already, I can’t sustain a relationship like that. I want more than anything to be able to be with you, but the more I think, the more I know how implausible it is.”

“Darling, I told you, already, I don’t mind waiting for you.”

“No, Will, you don’t understand. After college, there’s no telling where I’d have to go for work. I can’t just go and work for you because that alone gives me more anxiety about my own work performance and if it would cause stress between us.”

“I know, but when you’re working, you’ll have more time, so again, I don’t mind waiting.”

“Wilbur, I cannot ask that of you.”

“You’re not, I’m offeri-“

“You didn’t ask me to stay.” 

He was silent. 

You continued. “You didn’t ask me to stay, and I didn’t offer. I cannot possibly ask you to wait, and I can’t know that you’re waiting without feeling like I’m holding you back. Because everything in my future is so uncertain that I can’t have you waiting without some sort of guarantee that I’d be able to get there eventually, and I do not have that guarantee. You telling me that you’d be willing to wait only makes me feel worse because, in that time, you could meet someone really good for you, who could give you everything I can’t, and I don’t want to hold you back from finding the love that you deserve.”

He was quiet, trying to find the words to respond. “There’s something I never told you.” 

You looked at him, curious despite the tears in your eyes. 

“After you moved to London, I followed you there. I lived there for… about six months. And I did meet someone, but it didn’t work out. It was hell and it broke my heart, but I knew that it didn’t work out because I was trying to fill a void that only you could fit into. Regardless of whether or not you’ve known it, I’ve been waiting for you since the day we met. What’s a bit longer?”

There was a lot of information to process in his statement. But none of it relieved you or made you feel better. 

“So, if I let things continue, you’d wait for me. Til the rest of your life if you had to?”

“Forever.”

That did not relieve you at all. If anything, it worsened the guilt in your chest. There was one way to stop him from waiting for you, and you knew you had to, but it broke your heart. But if breaking your heart meant protecting Wilbur’s in the future, you’d take it. 

“Wilbur,” you couldn’t meet his eyes, “we have to end this. Whatever this is, between us, we have to end it. I’m sorry.” 

Wilbur was quiet. You went to stand, but he grabbed your wrist. 

“What if I say no?” 

“What? Will-“

“I don’t care what you say. I know how guilty it makes you feel, I understand that. But I’m willing to put the effort in to make us work. Are you?” 

You were. You absolutely were. But you and he both knew your heart wasn’t quite in it - too overtaken by the guilt in your chest. 

“I am. But at the risk of sounding drastic, Wilbur, it will crush me. I love you so much that it covers me, and I’d kill to be able to feel that forever. But I know the second I step on that train, I’m going to be filled with so much dread and guilt that it might consume me. I might spend the rest of my life wondering if I ruined yours.” 

“So, you want to act like none of this ever happened?”

“No, Wil-“

“No, listen to me now. We have our last two days together. Then, what? We stop talking again? Because that would actually, truthfully, ruin my life. More than waiting ever would. Even staying friends would ruin my life. Because, for fucks sake, I love you too. Far more than you know, and I have for far longer than you know. I’m not giving up on us because your future is uncertain. I moved to London for you in the past, and while I cannot get up and move as freely as I used to, I would make every sacrifice, every dedication, every ounce of my being I’d put into making sure you know just how much I love you and how willing I am to make us work. I just need you to be able to do the same. You said that you’re willing to put in the effort. All I ask is that you actually do it. Don’t shut down again like you did in the past because that would ruin me. Even if all you can give me is a day, I would take that day over never having you in my life again. So, if you can make the dedication, even if it is not as strong as mine, then I know we can do this.” 

You took a shaky breath, wiping at your eyes. You wanted to say yes, you really did. Your heart was still holding you back. But you didn’t listen this time. 

“Can I think about it? It’s not a no, I just- I need to think.”

He took a breath of relief, parroting his words from a few days ago, “That’s all I ask.” 

He pulled you back into his arms, where you fit perfectly. His arms felt like home. No. More aptly, he felt like home. 

You buried your face against his chest, sighing softly, “How come every time we have some deep, serious conversation, it's always in this field?”

He laughed, leaning his head against yours. “Dunno. Maybe we should get married here.” 

You chuckled, “Already thinking of marriage?” 

“Don’t you remember our agreement from middle school? If neither of us are married by 35, we’re getting married.” 

You snorted, laughing a bit harder, “Maybe waiting isn’t that much of a problem then, seems we’ve already got a potential wedding date set.”

“Darling, if it was my choice, we would’ve gotten married the moment you kissed me here for the first time.” 

You flushed, hiding your face against him quietly. “I love you,” was your only reply. 

He smiled giddily, holding you tighter, “I love you too.” 

The world felt lighter after the exchanges of “I love you”s. It somehow helped ease the ache in your chest. If nothing else made you feel better, at least that did, despite how it felt like a brand across your chest. 

You two still lay there for a while longer, despite the world beginning to move again. At least now, it didn’t feel like you were the only one who was aware you were leaving. 

The walk back to his place was quiet, but a far more comfortable silence. While neither of you was perfectly happy with how that conversation had gone, you at least talked. That alone meant more than anything. When you walked back in from the cold, he pulled you in his arms again, holding you tighter. 

“I didn’t say it before. But, I hope you know that you’re not the only one scared of losing this. I’m terrified. Not because of what you said, but because I’m scared I might fuck up. I have a busy life too, not as busy as yours I’m sure, but I’m scared of the same things. I’m even more scared because, the whole streamer thing, it makes this harder. Most people are respectful, but it puts you in danger, and I am terrified of you ever being in danger, especially because of me. If you’re willing to hold onto me and make those sacrifices for me, then I am more than willing to make these sacrifices for you. But don’t think for a second that I’m not just as scared as you are.”

You nodded. The foyer felt still around you both. You truthfully hadn’t considered the streamer thing. Or the fact that he might be scared too. You’d been so caught up in your head that you didn’t consider whether or not Wilbur would be feeling the same way. Granted, you didn’t even think he’d understand originally, concerned that you’d sound like a madman to him. 

You hummed after a moment, “I dunno. Seems kind of cool to have a secret double life thing going on.”

His face split into a grin, holding your jaw in one hand and kissing you deeply. You wrapped your arms around his neck, smiling into the kiss. 

“I haven’t fully agreed yet. Just think you should know that I’m willing. To make those sacrifices, I mean.” 

He nodded, “Of course, right. Are you willing to do anything else?” He asked, rubbing your back gently. 

“Get your mind out of the gutter, Soot.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“You cheeky motherfucker. At least get me upstairs first,” you joked. 

He laughed, picking you up and walking upstairs. You laughed, arms wrapped around him. Yeah, so maybe he can make you feel better. 

The rest of the day was spent primarily cuddling and watching movies. You were both a bit emotionally exhausted, so it was nice to just sit there and watch something neither of you cared too much about. You ended up falling asleep a few times, exhausted from the sleepless night before. He didn’t mind though, never minded. He made dinner while you napped, bringing it up for you as well so you could eat in bed. He made sure more than anything that you were comfortable, and truthfully, you couldn’t ask for anything better. You felt as loved as he sought to make you feel.  

The next day was New Year’s Eve. You didn’t usually care much for New Year’s, but Wilbur woke up that morning determined to make it a special occasion. Between shared uncertainty and fear, he wanted today to feel like a break from reality. You woke up slowly, one of his arms wrapped around you while the other played with your hair. He was humming softly, staring at the ceiling when you looked up at him. 

“Morning,” you spoke groggily. 

“Good morning,” he replied, fingertips dancing along the skin of your back, “How’d you sleep?”

“Wonderfully,” you answered, though that was an understatement. It was the best you’d slept in years. 

“I’m glad,” he leaned down and pecked your lips. “What’s your plan for today?”

You shrugged, “I need to pack, but other than that, just relaxing. Spending our last moments together.” It almost sounded like you’d be dying, and honestly, you might as well be.

He nodded, brushing your hair back. “Well, I’ll help you pack, but if you do me a favour.”

You chuckled, “Sure, what favour?” 

“Be my New Year's kiss?” 

You laughed and nodded, “Alright. Done.” 

He grinned and went to kiss you again, but you stopped him, “You only said New Year’s. You’ll have to wait.”

Even knowing you were joking, he had the most shocked and kicked-puppy look on his face. He snaked his arms around your waist, whining, “Darling, please, you can’t do this to me.”

“Hm, why should I kiss you early? Give me a good reason.”

“Because I love and adore you so much.”

You hummed, “That grants you a kiss for sure.”

He leaned down, pulling you in for a kiss. He wasted no time in deepening the kiss, clearly trying to keep the kiss going for as long as possible. 

When he finally pulled away, both of your lips were slightly swollen and cheeks dusted in a rose blush. 

“Had to make it last,” he chuckled softly. 

You smiled, but part of you felt torn apart when he said that. Everything you two did today, you had to make last. It was the last full day before your night train tomorrow. You knew that the morning tomorrow would feel more like a death march, anyway. As usual, though, he saw right through you.

“Hey. It’s fine. Let’s just focus on today, alright?” 

You nodded, holding onto him. You sat up, and you went to let go, but he kept your hold on him.

“Will, I need to start packing,” you chuckled.

He hummed, “I know. Just a few more minutes, love.”

You could use a few more minutes yourself, you decided, ultimately swayed by the way Wilbur kept his arms wrapped tightly around you. You got comfortable in his arms again, nodding softly, “Alright. Just a few.”

He grinned and kissed the top of your head, rubbing your back. You didn’t want to get up, honestly. You were incredibly comfortable, yet you knew the faster you got the packing done, the sooner you could get back to relaxing in your little bubble. 

“Will,” you started. “What do you want to do more than anything right now?”

He looked down at you, thinking for a quiet moment, “Truthfully? Give you a proper date while I can.” 

“Oh, yeah? What would we do?” 

“Well, that ruins the surprise now, doesn’t it?”

You laughed, “What, are you planning to do it today or something?”

He grinned, pecking your lips, “I might have a plan.” 

“And when were you going to tell me?” 

“My original plan was to put on a nature documentary and wait for you to fall asleep so I could set everything up.” 

“Mm, that definitely would work. But now, I’ll know what you’re trying to do.”

“I can think of other ways to distract you.”

You lightly smacked him and laughed, “You have been so… raunchy lately, what is up with you?”

“Just excited. You love me!” He grinned wider than you’d honestly ever seen from him before. 

“Yes, I do!” You laughed, holding onto him tighter. 

“That’s amazing! That’s wonderful, I mean, really, that… there are not enough words to describe how wonderful that is and how happy it makes me. And I love you too! We love each other!”

“Yes! We do!” 

“That’s amazing!” 

“It is!” You two grinned at each other like you were kids again, sixteen and wild without a care in the world. He pulled you forward, kissing you hard. Your hands went to the back of his neck, your fingers reaching up to brush through his hair. He kept a tight hold on your waist, trying to keep you as physically close to him as possible. Your kiss devolved into making out, and you found your motivation to leave the bed being whittled away slowly. Wilbur’s arms around you and his lips on your lips put you in a haze every time, and you’d give nothing more than to stay in it. But he always did a good job of grounding you, in a sense. 

He eventually pulled away to stare at you lovingly. 

“If we could just lay here forever, we’d inevitably die from many possible reasons, but it would be entirely worth it to be able to spend my last moments with you.” 

You flushed, burying your face against him, “You can’t just say things like that, you poet.”

“Just wait until I show you some of the songs I’ve written about you.”

You were stunned, “You’ve written songs about me?”

“Enough to fill an entire discography. I’ve been writing them since I could.” 

“Why’d you never show me?” 

“How could I show you a million love songs about you when I thought you never wanted to see me again and didn’t know otherwise until a few days ago?”

“Touché.” You chuckled softly, pecking his lips gently. 

He smiled, “We should probably go pack. We’ll have more time for better things the sooner we finish.”

You groaned, nodding, “I know.” You paused for a moment, trying to cherish the saccharine serenity for one last moment, before sitting up. He sat up with you, moving his arm from your shoulders to reach out and help you up, which you gladly accepted. Once you were both up, he pulled you into his arms, kissing you lovingly once again. You returned it, pulling away to grin at him. He looked overjoyed. For the first time in two weeks, it genuinely felt like you weren’t worried about… everything. Even if you weren’t happy with the way things went, at least for today, you were plainly happy. 

You grabbed one of his jumpers to pull on, and he watched you for a moment.

“What is it?” You asked, chuckling lightly.

He flushed, but he didn’t look away. Instead, he grinned wider, “Just… you’re beautiful, especially in my clothes. You should take that one, actually.”

Your cheeks reddened to match his, “Really? You wear this one a lot though,” it was true. You’d grabbed one of his Los Campesinos! Jumpers, the maroon one. 

He nodded, “Yeah, it looks far better on you.” He seemed to pause, processing your sentence in full now, “Wait, how did you know I wear it often?”

The blush on your face increased tenfold. “I- I just,” you immediately stuttered, unwilling to tell him just how many VODs and clips of him you’d seen, “it’s your favorite band. I-I figured you wear it often,” you lied, quite obviously. 

He saw right through you, but he moved on, for your own embarrassment's sake, but he kept a grin like he knew a secret the whole time he continued, “Well, it is one of my favourites. But that’s exactly why I want you to keep it. Means more that way.” 

“If you’re sure.”

“I am sure. One condition, though.”

“Which is?”

“You text me every time you wear it.”

You looked up at him, and because of your years of learning how to read Wilbur Soot, you could see the sadness that shone in his eyes. He never gave much indication that he felt upset, most likely for your sake, but it was getting harder for him to hide it, it seemed. In a passing thought, it reminded you of grief. 

You nodded, “I accept those terms,” and you both moved on. You finished getting dressed, and the two of you started the slow march to your place. You walked slower than usual, as if it would keep the time from passing. You wanted to ask him questions, to talk to him more, to listen to him, but your mouth couldn’t quite form the words. 

He kept a warm grip on your hand, but he didn’t speak either. 

Thankfully, since it was earlier in the day, it was just your parents at home. You opened the door, and Wilbur dropped your hand for a moment to close the door behind you both. You ushered Wilbur to your room while you went into the living room to speak to your parents.

“So, my train is at 9 P.M. tomorrow. Will’s gonna help me pack, and I think he was planning on taking me tomorrow night, so you lot won’t have to drive at night.” “Were you going to allow us to see you before you leave?”

“Well, once I finish packing, you can say bye to me then. Will has something planned for us for New Year’s tonight, and I imagine we’ll be preoccupied before the train cleaning up since his family is returning soon. So, yes, today will be the last day you see me for this trip.”

“So, what? You show up here, reconnect with your friend, and what? We just never get to see our child again?”

You sighed, “Mum, seriously, can we not have this conversation?”

“No, we should have this conversation. Ever since you’ve come home, you-”

“Dad, can you please stop her?”

Your father didn’t so much as look at you or your mother, staying out of this as he did everything.

Your mother continued her rant about your behavior, and you groaned into your hands, “I can’t fucking stand this, mum! Every fucking time I’m home, you find some niche reason to think I am the worst. Two weeks ago you were complaining that I hadn’t found anyone, and now what, you’re mad that I may have found someone?” You were angry now, but tearfully angry, the type of angry where your tears felt like lava burning red roads into cheeks. “You have spent my entire life picking apart everything I’ve done, while you sit there and act like you’re not a walking contradiction who always acts far worse than I ever have! I can’t stand constantly hearing you tell me I’m the worst!” 

You went to continue, but a hand on your shoulder stopped you. You turned, and Wilbur was standing there behind you looking nothing but supportive. He pulled you into his side, starting to walk you back to your room. Your mother went to speak again, some snarky comment, no doubt, but Wilbur stopped her immediately.

“Respectfully, there is not a single thing you could say right now that would be beneficial. Now, if you’ll excuse us,” and he ushered you fully back into your room. 

You were immediately in his arms, face buried against his chest as you sobbed. He rubbed your back, kissing the top of your head. He leaned his head down to whisper in your ear.

“Take a deep breath for me, love. You know I won’t let anything happen to you,” He started taking deep breaths, taking one of your hands and placing it on his chest, so you could feel the pattern of his breathing. You followed his breathing, slowly getting in control of yourself once again. You pulled away, wiping at your eyes, and he smiled down at you.

“You’re okay,” he nodded, and you nodded back, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Did you hear it?”

It took him a moment to respond, but eventually, he nodded. 

You shook your head, “Nothing to talk about then. I just can’t deal with this anymore.” He brushed your hair back gently, a soft smile covering his face, “Well, let’s get packing then. The sooner we get that done, the faster we can get out of here and go watch movies in bed.” 

You let out a shaky laugh, nodding and grinning, “Okay, yeah,” you pulled away, grabbing your suitcase. From there on, the two of you made careful work of packing up all your things. You hadn’t brought much in the first place, just enough to sustain you over the two-week trip. Wilbur was insistent on packing the items in your bag for you while you grabbed and folded items, and it worked well. You still had to account for the small pile of clothes that slowly was growing in his room, but aside from that, packing truthfully didn’t take long. Or maybe it just didn’t seem as long because  Wilbur was with you the entire time. 

The final item was cautiously packed away, and we moved to sit on your childhood bed, staring at a carved out version of your childhood room, and knowing that, regardless of whether or not you and he stayed together, you would never be those kids again. Something would always be different, now. He wrapped an arm around your waist, loosely holding you against his chest. It wouldn’t necessarily be bad, that things were different. He took your hand gently. Things would just be different, for better or for worse. He squeezed your hand three times. You squeezed his hand three times back. 

“You know I’ll stick with you, no matter what. I don’t care how long the road is, I’ll be there,” he whispered against your ear, pressing a gentle kiss to your temple. 

You nodded softly, “I know.”

“We’re not becoming strangers again. I won’t let it happen.” 

You nodded again, leaning your head further into his chest, “I will try to silence every self-sabotaging voice and urge,” you chuckled softly, “just for you.”

“That’s major. Imagine telling school you that you just said that,” he laughed lightheartedly.

“Yeah, yeah. School me wouldn’t even want to admit to having self-sabotaging tendencies. At least now I’m far more self-aware.” 

He nodded, “True, but neither of us were very self-aware back then,” he took a deep breath, sighing out slowly, “Genuinely, though, it does mean a lot. Just knowing that you’ll be trying.” 

You nodded, pressing a kiss to his shoulder gently, “I want things to work. I do love you, after all. Even with my uncertainties, I am at least not uncertain about the love I feel for you.”

“I love you so much, darling. I hope you are serious about the amount of love you share for me, because trust me, I am going to be such a nuisance. The moment you get on that train, I won’t leave you alone. You may have to get a second phone because I’ll be constantly vying for your attention,” he shook with laughter, pulling you in. 

“Oh, I hope for nothing more. However, I may just need to block you while I’m studying. I think asking you to stop while I study may be far too cruel.”

“If you block me, you won’t get to see all the texts once you’re done.”

“And what would I need to see so badly in those texts?”

“How proud I am of you.”

You chuckled, “What? Why that?”

“Because you’d be studying. I want you to feel encouraged because studying is hard, so you deserve the praise.”

“Thank you, darling,” you both shared a fond look, feeling some sense, somewhere, that you were on the same page for the future.

You were able to leave the house with no issues. Wilbur took your bag outside while you managed a stiff goodbye to your parents. You didn’t plan on coming back next holiday. With a quick hug and a few words that choked you just to say, you escaped out into the fresh air where Wilbur was waiting for you. He gave you a grin that warmed you despite the cold around you both, a small kindling fire placed in your chest every time he gave you that look so full of understanding. You walked right forward into him, colder hands touching cold cheeks but kissing him to spread the warmth from your chest. He chuckled into the kiss, wrapping his arms around your waist but holding you loosely. He knew you weren’t going anywhere right now, he didn’t need to hold you tight. He wasn’t afraid. You were aware of nothing else but him and his lips. Eventually, you both had to let the metaphorical smoke out of your lungs. 

“You always seemed happier when you’d leave.” He said it simply as if it didn’t feel like a world-shattering admission. You knew he’d only meant leaving your parents, but in some way, it felt like understanding, understanding why you had to leave town, leave him behind.

And you replied simply, as if, again, you hadn’t felt incredibly taken in his words, 

“I guess so.”

You walked back to Wilbur’s slowly, despite the snow starting to trickle around you faster and faster. You exchanged jokes as you walked, ranging from dad jokes to the dirtiest jokes you could imagine. It was peaceful. He opened the door for you, helping bring your things to his room. 

“You know what we should do?” He hummed, kissing your cheeks all over.

You laughed, arms wrapped around him, “What?”

“I think we should play more Minecraft.”

You burst out laughing, “You could’ve suggested anything, but of course, Minecraft.” “What’s wrong with that?”

“No, nothing, I’m not complaining. Just think it’s funny. Most guys would’ve suggested sex or something lewd, but you went straight to gaming, and I… appreciate that more, I guess.”

“Well, darling, you should know by now I’m not like most guys. I am a gamer, it’s worse,” you both laughed at that, and you grabbed his hands, nodding.

“Alright, then. Let’s play.”

You both got set up to play together, hopping on the server and playing. You guys goofed around mostly, but after about twenty minutes, Tommy ended up joining the server. 

Upon joining, he spammed in chat “VC” over and over again. 

“Do you mind joining the VC?” Wilbur asked, “My mic isn’t working right now.”

You nodded, a bit nervous, but joining the voice channel in the Discord server Wilbur had added you to. 

“Tommy?”

All you got was a yell as a response before Tommy started divulging some explanation of why he needed you to come to his base with “as much andesite you could find”. 

You looked up at Wilbur, clearly confused. He shrugged, mouthing to you ‘Just go with it.’

“Alright, Tommy, I’ll help, but it’ll probably take a while to get the andesite.”

“That’s fine! I’ll help get it! I just need it incredibly badly!” 

You chuckled softly. Tommy stayed on VC, chatting with you and Wilbur a bit while you went to help Tommy collect materials. After a few minutes, Wilbur stood, walking over to you.

He kissed your head, “I’m going to step downstairs for a moment, alright?”

You nodded, “Okay, yeah.” “Do not worry, Wilbur! I will keep them much company!” Tommy’s voice came through grainy on your laptop.

“Maybe I should stay,” Wilbur joked, which led to Tommy spluttering loudly in annoyance. 

Eventually, Wilbur did walk out of the room, leaving you and Tommy alone. After a few minutes of joking around, you and Tommy both mining in-game, he spoke up, sounding a bit more serious this time.

“Wilbur’s my brother, you know. Did he tell you that?” You chuckled, “He didn’t mention it. Can’t say I remember you when he and I were in school together, but I’d take your word for it.”

“Good. You should always take my word for things. I am a great person to believe.”

You chuckled softly, “I will try to, as long as you tell the truth.”

“I make my own truth, so I am always telling the truth.” He chuckled himself. He spoke again after a brief pause, more serious this time, “Seriously, though. I care about Wilbur a lot, and I know how much he cares about you. He’s told me a bit about you, so I trust that you do love him like you say just… please, don’t give me a reason to break that trust, alright? You seem good to him. I want you to be good for him.” 

You were quiet after his admission for a few moments. You wanted that too. You wanted to be good for Wilbur, and you wanted Tommy to be able to trust you. You wanted all the things that came with love, the struggles, the fights, the working through it all, everything. “I won’t,” you spoke softly, “I won’t give you a reason to break that trust. I don’t know exactly what he’s told you, but he really matters to me. I don’t want to lose him.”

“Good. ‘Cause I know he feels the same,” Tommy said, “So, when are you going to come to Brighton?”

“Truthfully, I’m not sure. I have my spring classes starting in a few days, and I won’t have a real break up until the summer. I may try to come around then, but it depends on if I have an internship or some classes, but-” you paused, letting out a breath, “Yeah, just… not sure, yet. Hopefully, I’ll have a free weekend, assuming I’m not working or studying.”

Tommy was silent for a moment, but when he spoke, his words came out quickly, “God! I would hate being that busy! How can you stand it? It must get frustrating, I’m busy a lot as well, but not that kind of busy, so it’s not like that I guess, but my god! I just- that sounds like so much! Do you ever-”

“Jesus, Tommy, you’re going to make them pass out, slow down, man,” Wilbur came back in, walking over to you. He placed his hands on your shoulders, kissing the top of your head. 

“Sorry, sorry, just, wow! You sound so busy, must’ve been a nice break being back there.” “It was really nice, yeah,” you smiled, looking up at Wilbur. 

“Right, well, Tommy, we’ve actually got to go.”

“We do?”

“Yep! Talk to you later, Tommy, thanks for the help.”

“No problem, Wilbur! Have a good night, you two!”

You spluttered a bit, feeling like the past two minutes took place in 20 seconds, feeling incredibly displaced. 

Wilbur hung up the call on your laptop, logging you out of the game as well.

“Will, what’s going on?”

“Just, trust me, will you? I want to show you something.” He took your hand, pulling you up.

You followed him downstairs. You knew he had his New Year’s surprise, but you didn’t suspect it to be this early (granted it was around 5 P.M. at this point), hence why you were so taken aback. However, once he’d gotten you downstairs, you knew that’s exactly what it was. 

“Did you enlist Tommy to distract me because you knew I’d be suspicious of you?” “Yep!” He admitted proudly.

The place looked beautiful. He’d hung string lights up all over the place, each light twinkling in the dark of the room (he’d kept all the big lights off - it was only the string lights and the lamp in the corner. He knew how you hated overhead lights). He put gold stars across the walls, and even scattered a few on the table as well. The best part, however, was the kitchen table. It’d been covered with a midnight blue tablecloth. There were two plates set out, and you couldn’t quite see what was on them from where you stood. What you could see however was the bottle of champagne on ice in the center of the table, along with the candles on either side. 

“Will, this is incredible. How did you do all of this so fast?”

“I had everything ready, it was just a matter of putting it up. As for the food, what meal is more fitting than the first thing you taught me how to make?” With a flourish, Wilbur gestured to the dishes on the table,  “Cheap ramen.”

You laughed, nodding, “That explains a lot. Did you make it fancy like I taught you, too?”

“Of course. I remember exactly how you made it.”

“Even the miso paste?” “Especially the miso paste. I always keep some in the house since you taught me.”

“Really?”

“Of course. It’s become a big comfort meal for me.” 

You smiled up at him, “Well, I’m glad. It seems a bit early for a New Year's celebration, though.”

“Yes, but we have to eat first. Plus, I’ve decided since you don’t really love New Year's, we’re toasting something else first tonight.”

“Oh, yeah? What?” “Us. Being together again.”

“Cliche, but I’ll allow it,” you joked, and he pulled you over to the kitchen table.

“You love it, you’ve just always hated admitting how much you like cliches.”

“That is not true.” “Oh yeah? How many times did you watch 10 Things I Hate About You when you were sad in school?”

“Hey, Americans know how to revisit Shakespeare in the modern audience well, okay?”

“I know, and you adore the cliches in that movie, and it is so full of them.”

You rolled your eyes, but the smile never left your face. You held his hand, gently rubbing your thumb over his knuckles. 

“Thank you,” you murmured, “I just about think this is the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me.”

“For now it is. I’ll make sure something tops it.” He smiled, pulling out your chair for you. That combined with the warm look on his face sent a feeling akin to the flush of cheap whine across your chest. You smiled at him, reaching out to take his hand. You couldn’t speak — couldn’t find the words to reflect the love you felt for him. He took your hand, squeezing it gently. He spoke for you. 

“For as shitty as your parents are, I’m glad you still decided to come this winter.” 

You chuckled softly, and he continued. “I’m serious. I almost didn’t come this winter either. At the last minute, I said, why not, maybe it’ll be nice. And while I don’t believe much in fate, or the stars aligning, I think that something special happened to make you and I both, for whatever reason, think maybe something would be different. Because when you think about it, we both came here expecting something different, but it’s never been more similar. My parents are gone, yours are being shitheads, and we’re still confiding in each other. So I don’t know what it was, but I wish I did so I knew just exactly what force I had to thank for bringing us together again.

“We’ve spent so much time together here talking about what didn’t happen, you know. The fight, the four years we spent not talking, the missed time. But it would’ve continued, if neither of us made the choice to come here, or if neither of us decided to go to the pub that night. So while I don’t believe in fate, or the universe making our choices for us, every choice we made for the past four years would’ve always led us right back to each other.”

You don’t know at what point in his admission you started crying. He gave you a look of concern, and he was about to ask if you were alright. Before he could, you stood, and he did the same, meeting you in a tight embrace. You buried your face into his shoulder, and your grip was tight enough to turn your knuckles white. You sniffled quietly, voice quivering as you spoke. 

“I don’t know what to say,” you admitted, laughing into his shoulder. “Two weeks ago, I never would’ve thought we’d see each other again. When I’d agreed to come here, I thought there might be a chance, but I didn’t let myself think about it, I- I couldn’t tell if the idea made me nervous or excited. But now, it feels like I can’t get rid of you,” I chuckled, “And I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s like a little thread keeping us together.”

He smiled, kissing the top of your hair. “Good, because you truly will never get rid of me after this.” He pulled away to wipe the tears from your eyes. 

You took a soft, shaky breath as you smiled up at him, “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

You both sat back down after that, eating quickly. The meal felt like home. As you and Wilbur finished eating, he stood once more to open the champagne. He popped the cork, thankfully not causing too much of a mess as he quickly poured the champagne into our two flute glasses. He picked his glass up, holding it up in a toast. You grabbed yours and did the same, smiling up at him as he spoke.

“To my best friend, my fire, and my lover. Here’s to reuniting and being allowed to find a home in each other.”

You grinned, lightly tapping your flute against his before taking a sip. He took a sip of his own drink, taking your hand and pulling you up. He turned on some music, and he pulled you into another embrace. He started swaying, and you joined him, neither one of you speaking as you held each other close. Even if the world ended at this moment, the room caught fire or even flooded, neither of you would leave this embrace. It essentially was the end of one world, you thought to yourself sardonically. You pushed those thoughts away, determined to have a good night with him. He pulled away to give you a warm smile, gently cupping your cheek, 

“Get out of your head,” he chuckled softly, and you flushed.

“How can you always tell?”

“I’m not sure how to explain it exactly, but I know you. I know when you get that distant look in your eyes that you’re stressed out about something and trying to hide it. Or that when your breathing quickens just a bit it's because you thought of something you didn’t like. I told you, I’m memorizing you, and each tiny piece is important.”

You leaned your head against him gently. “You don’t know how nice that is,” You whispered. No one else ever notices

He wrapped his arms around you once more before pulling you over to the couch. You thought he was going to put on a movie or something, but instead, he just turned to you. 

“Just, stay here a moment, alright?”

You nodded, and he returned within a moment, holding his guitar. He sat back down next to you, starting to strum a few chords. He didn’t say anything as the chords turned into a soft pattern. He started playing a song quietly, something soft and sweet, but he sang no words. 

“I don’t know the words, yet,” he said softly, “But I know this is another one for you.” 

You smiled up at him, watching him play. He looked gorgeous while he played, so clearly in his element. It was a funny contrast to two weeks ago. Two weeks ago you didn’t know where you and him stood as friends, and now, you were closer than before. It almost made you anxious to contrast those two points. Fast-moving things often crashed.

“It sounds beautiful.” He nodded before speaking again, “I didn’t want you to go back without hearing it first, even though it’s not done.”

“Why?” You asked quietly. 

He smiled. “Giving you something to wait for. To hold onto. Can’t ignore me if you know you’re waiting for something.” 

“You think I’d ignore you?”

“Not on purpose. I think I understand how important your future is, though, and how wrapped up you get in it. So I think you’ve been ignoring the world because you’ve forgotten it exists. But it’s harder to forget when you know you’re waiting on something out there.” 

You gave a sad smile, looking away. “I guess you’re right. This’ll help though, definitely.”

He smiled, placing his guitar down. “I’m glad. Plus, I’ve still got a bunch of other songs about you that I can show you. But those can wait for the future, too.”

You took a sip of your champagne, just about downing the thing before setting your glass down. 

You and Wilbur sat and talked for a long time, getting drunker as you did. Meaningless stories, sharing experiences you’d wished he’d been there for, and vice versa. 

“I remember there was this guy in my English Lit class, and my god, Will, you would’ve hated him. I remember coming to class every day and thinking ‘if only Wilbur were here. He’d at least understand’ because every person in class acted like he was this genius! In reality, he was pulling his ‘ideas’ straight from other people, and no one said anything because his father paid for the class textbooks. It was infuriating!”

“God, was he a tory? He sounds like one.”

“Yes! He was a huge tory! I remember we read The Scarlet Letter and he went on this long rant about how he’d never be satisfied with a woman like Hester, completely missed the point of the book, and the majority of the class went ‘That’s a fantastic observation’ like, motherfuckers, no it is not! He’s just a dick!” 

Wilbur laughed, leaning his head into the crux of his elbow.  “God, I can just imagine. He sounds like a fucking dickhead, genuinely.”

“He was. Even worse, he’s dating my flatmate, so I can barely escape the asshole. I walk into the living room, and he’ll just be there,” You groaned, and Wilbur chuckled. 

“You haven’t spoken much about your flatmates.”

You shrugged softly, “I’m not particularly close with any of them. We all grouped together for a project once, and we got close enough to trust that none of us would steal from or kill the other. I needed a better place to live because the school facilities just weren’t working for me anymore. They’re nice enough, but I don’t know if they actually like me or just like my convenience.”

“Your convenience?”

You nodded softly, “Yeah. I’m quiet, I don’t take up much space, and I keep to myself for the most part. I’m convenient.” He scoffed, “That is not you.” “What do you mean?”

“Oh, come on. Convenient? You’re a person, not a placeholder. You’ve always loved being loud and being more of an extrovert than you’d grant yourself.” 

“Maybe you just bring out that side of me. Back there, I’m different.”

He hummed, his fingertips running along your back, “Guess I’ll have to change that once I visit.” 

You chuckled, your increasing drunkenness making a red flush come up to your cheeks. “Wilbur, I’d rather not get kicked out of my place.”

“You deserve to feel like a person.” “I do!” “But not you. You’re being what they want you to be,” He sighed, “But don’t worry when you move to Brighton, I’ll make sure you always feel like you.” “Oh?” You hummed, “When I move to Brighton?”

He chuckled, clearly just as affected by the champagne as you had been. “Let me fantasize a bit, alright?”

You grinned, leaning your head against his shoulder, “Tell me about it. Your fantasy.”

He smiled, wrapping an arm around you. “Alright. In my fantasy, you’ve moved to Brighton. We have plans to live together, but we haven’t moved in together yet because we’re still trying to find a good place with three rooms. One room for us, an office, and a guest room or music room, depending on if we have guests or not. You’re working with my band to edit some of our lyrics and just things that we write. We go to the beach at night and have a good time, swimming or just goofing around. When I go on tour, you join me. Eventually, we move in together, and we take a year just traveling the world, going everywhere we can think, and then maybe choosing one of those places to settle down in. Then, we just live happily together, not worried about trivial things. Then, every decision, we make together from then on, as a pair.”

You smiled, hiding your face against his shoulder. It sounded lovely, though likely unviable, as much as you wished the opposite. “That sounds nice.”

He nodded softly, not saying more. He just held you close. 

Neither of you spoke for a long while. His phone chimed after a while, and he stood, grabbing your hands and pulling you up.

“It’s almost midnight.” He smiled, and he walked you both outside. You were immediately met with the freezing cold, and he wrapped his arms around you to try and combat the frigid air. You leaned into his embrace, looking up at the stars.  

He kissed your cheek gently, staring up with you, “Penny for your thoughts?” 

You smiled softly, “I feel small. In the last two weeks, every tiny problem has felt overwhelming. But now, compared to everything, it feels insignificant. I feel insignificant. And not in a bad way, just more in a way that… I don’t know, maybe I should try and just live a little more.”

He hummed softly, “It is kind of a nice feeling. There’s an entire world around us that doesn’t care about a single thing we say or do. The way I see it, we should just do everything that makes us happy. None of it might matter, but at least we’ll be happy.  That makes it matter.” 

You nodded, “Yeah. That’s true. I suppose we have to find reasons to make this shit matter. In the philosophical sense, at least, life is meaningless until we choose what has meaning.”

“So what gives it meaning for you?” 

You thought for a long moment. “A few things. Getting my degree. Finally feeling free,” you sighed. “Truthfully, a lot of them lead back to you.” 

“Me?”

“Yeah. I look forward to my future now, more than I ever have, because I know I’ll have my best friend with me. I look forward to moving on the off chance that we’ll be close to each other. Things that used to stress me out, you find a way to calm them. Like finding a job. Even if I don’t love the idea now of potentially working for you, maybe I will later on, and just knowing that I’d have a potential choice brings me hope. It’s choice, I think, that guides a lot of my meanings back to you. Before you walked back into my life, I didn’t feel like I had a choice for any of my future decisions. I was still pleased with the idea of working in English and such, but I just figured that I’d be forced to take the first job I found, relocate where they told me to, and spend the rest of my life living under the guise of another. But you’ve brought the idea of choice back to me. And that puts so much more meaning into life, and especially the future, even if I am still scared to death of it.”

As if on queue, the sky lit up with fireworks, shining over the overgrown backyard, casting your own private spotlight. 

“Happy New Year’s, darling,” he whispered, turning to face you. He placed a hand on your cheek, gently pulling you in for a long, loving kiss that made your body match the fireworks in the sky. You wrapped your arms around his neck, and when you finally pulled away, you pressed your forehead against his gently. Your breath and his mixed in frosted puffs, but you felt warm despite the cold around you. Your nose and ears were tinged pink, your fingertips even paler at their home on Wilbur’s cheeks. You both pulled away to stare at the fireworks as they cascaded over the midnight stars.

Once the fireworks had ended, leaving a haze of smoke over the stars, Wilbur took your hand. He pulled you in for another kiss, shorter this time. You smiled into the kiss, knowing even as the cold set into your bones, that you’d be content to stay in this moment forever. He chuckled when he pulled away from the kiss, taking your hand and tugging you inside. 

“C’mon. Let’s head up.”

You followed him inside, and while you went to go clean up, he kept your hand in his, not letting you move into the kitchen. 

“It’s tomorrow’s problem. Seriously. Although, there is one more thing we should do.” You rolled your eyes at him with a fond smile, “What is that?”

“Give me a second, don’t move!” He ran out of the room, returning quickly with a Polaroid. 

You chuckled softly when you saw the polaroid, turning towards him. He came to stand next to you again, pulling you into his side. He held the camera up, and you smiled up into the viewfinder. He waited for a moment, and right when you thought he was going to take the photo, he leaned over and kissed your cheek, snapping the photo the moment it happened. Your smile lit up when he kissed you, and you turned to him. 

“What was that for?” You chuckled softly.

He smiled, grabbing the photo as it came out of the Polaroid. “Wanted to make sure it was the real you smiling.”

You flushed, looking down out of shyness for a moment. He shook the photo for a moment before setting it down to give it time to develop. He put his camera back away, came back, and picked up the photo. He smiled fondly at it, before turning the photo to you.

“I think it’s the best photo I’ve ever seen.” When he showed you the photo, it was like a gear turned. You finally saw what he meant when he spoke about your smile because you looked genuinely happy, a foreign thing for you to see. 

“I agree,” you spoke softly, smiling up at him. “Can I take a photo of it?”

He nodded, and you took out your phone to take a photo of the Polaroid. “I’d let you keep it, but honestly, I’m feeling a bit selfish towards it. Plus, you get my jumpers, I get this. Even exchange.”

You laughed softly, giving him a quick kiss, grinning, and speaking through it, “I would say so.” 

He chuckled, happily kissing you back and wrapping his arms around your waist. He pulled away, resting his hand against the small of your back as you both walked back upstairs. You both changed into pajamas, and you started packing up the rest of your clothes. You started pulling out your clothes for the next day when Wilbur came and wrapped his arms around your back. 

“Will, what are you up to?” You chuckled softly. 

He smiled, kissing the top of your head, “Nothing. Just reminding you how comfortable my arms are, and how nice it would be to leave this for tomorrow and head to bed.”

You smiled fondly, leaning back in his arms, “You feeling cuddly or something?”

He pulled you in tighter, chuckling, “Maybe. Now, c’mon. It’s late, and I know you’re tired.”

With a sigh, you relinquished. “Okay. We’ll have the time tomorrow anyway.”

He pulled away, but only so he could turn you around and pull you into bed with him. You moved into his arms, relaxing against him quietly. He smiled, leaning down to kiss you languidly. The kiss elevated to multiple, going into a full-on makeout, but it wasn’t fiery and fast, it was calm and loving. Each second made you yearn more and more for some timeline where you weren’t leaving tomorrow. 

You pulled away after some time, and his hand met your cheek, thumb slowly rubbing over your skin in a soothing manner. You smiled in return, gently playing with his hair. He made a pleased noise when you did so, and you leaned forward to peck his lips gently.

“Goodnight, Wilbur.”

“Goodnight, darling.”

taglist: @shubblelive / @superioritycomplexes / @your-shifting-gurl (send an ask/dm me if you want to be added)

[brother-lipsmackariah]

hi! why do you hate will herondale?

Yeah, you're not going to like the answer so buckle up

Never been a huge fan of "I hate everyone but you" and "I am an asshole to everyone because I have Tragic Backstory™" type of male characters. I also don't like how he was just a copy of Jace. CC found one character archetype and decided to give it to every man in her series because she doesn't want to use her brain and give them a personality besides "sarcastic mean boy with a sad backstory"

He was shitty to everyone in TID. He called Tessa a wh*re, said she was useless as she can't get pregnant, etc.

He was stupid as all hell and he could have actually tried to get help EARLIER but instead he decided to 1) suffer 2) make others subject to his shitty personality because he believed in a curse and didn't bother truly getting help.

When Tessa said that she was engaged to Jem, W*ll's first thought was "Jem will understand, I can make him call off this engagement for ME" (truly fucking selfish, God)

That entire scene with Tatiana. I hate Tatiana even more than I hate him but it was awful and I truly believe he enjoyed it. He actually seems to enjoy antagonizing everyone around him and not just because he wants them to hate him for the curse or whatever. A trait most male Herondales have, which is why I can't stand any of them except Jace (and Jace I only love because he was the original and because he saved Jem)

The fandom and CC canNOT treat Jem as an individual character. They are incapable of talking about Jem without mentioning W*ll, they are incapable of thinking of Jem without relating him to that Herondale boy in some way. CC does not respect him as an individual character either: look at the way she writes Tessa with W*ll vs how she writes Tessa with Jem. Look at how W*ll and his parents get a whole story about them in TBC, but Mina's birth was told through Livvy's POV IN JEM'S OWN BOOK

CC's boner for W*ll and other Herondale men has made every Carstairs suffer, she invented that stupid "Carstairs owe the H*rondales" (for God knows what, it's the opposite) and now Jem has to babysit all of their sorry asses. Not only W*ll but his stupid legacy K*t who put Mina's life in danger and made everything about himself.

I hate W*ll and his legacy

[factorialsotherfandoms]

its 6am and I'm complaining myself through the ending of purgatory k? This is just the bitching not a full balanced analysis, bits I genuinely enjoyed are missing so it looks like I have a worse opinion than I did, its below a cut because a lot of people don't want that and that's absolutely good. I'm just processing through.

I think purgatory ending feels bad because we were promised by the way it was advertised and treated the end of the arc, and what we got was another fucking mid point instead. A mid point which after this going on for so long nobody really wanted. Setting up new project cool! But it felt miserable to watch the end. Probably could have been helped if the CCs had more info on a meta level - just the timescales and that this wasn't actually the end of the arc - so they could pace themselves and us better. The eggs missing has gone on for far too long, we've been given far too little to work with, and it's just not fun viewing any more. Which is why my engagement is so dependent on the next little while.

That, plus getting to the boat on foot was impossible without near perfection - something they were never going to all have. I like giving qMaxo his big sendoff with the nuke which solves nothing! But people who were legitimately trying to escape (Cellbit, Tina, off the top of my head - Cellbit just legit got lost in the underground. He said after he decided to stay but like... really? We'll have to wait and see next time he plays qsmp. If nothing else he legit had shit to do planned, and I feel like he would discuss it more with Roier if he was going to perma-kill Cellbit as that's massive to put on someone else's character. Pretty sure ccCellbit was just teasing like he fucking does but we'll see. Also changes what Maxo did if any of them die to it /significantly/. I'll be genuinely worried for ccMaxo if his characters actually pretty neat death arc resulted in a fan favourite character permadying in a game without permadeath) should have had a legit chance to do so. If they were supposed to be able to. I really hope the admins smooth that bit over one way or another, because it just made shit feel extremely bad. Kinda expect the /actual/ ruling to be if one person made it they all did, but dear god they needed to tell the players that immediately after or whatever if so. Failing that you could maybe have the others in the Nether or something, but youd need to coordinate everyone who didn't make it and that'd just suck logistically. The sensible answer is if one person got there they all did because this isn't a high legality sort of game. For players.

Like the other eggs were probably kidnapped by something and reported out? And I'm betting on black concrete plot as that's the plot actually associated with them disappearing in the first place, but for all it's cool moments up until then it just... dropped the ball. Tbh the entire thing with the eggs being involved was a massive ball drop which lead to /one/ cool conversation but otherwise just made everything infinitely less enjoyable.

Poor BBH. Like cc wise. He's one of a whole lot of them who have horrific rp safety practices, but also there's not really anyone to teach them that and that's nothing to punish someone for. Hope it gets hashed out with him. All of them but especially him.

Having players of another project as "advertising" for a new project without them knowing more in advance tastes kinda shitty. Very shitty. We'll see how tied it ends up being but that's just not comfy.

Quackity saying about big stuff planned is absolute ass. Like legitimately and out of character the CCs genuinely need a break for a bit you can't just throw them back into heavy stuff immediately. They need space to breath oc and find their footing ic. Most of them have streamed far more than usual this fortnight, and even for those who do stream daily usually it's been intense. You can say if its hurting them they can just take a break but you cannot convince me they can when their literal irl incomes depend on this. Some more than others, but they do.

Also like the tension just genuinely doesn't hold that long. Most of what I run is combat heavy fantasy events, but I've done horror too. And a big bit of running horror events is studying how pacing and tension works, especially over an extended period (horror events locally tend to be multi-day). You /can/ change the usual layout, but you have to know your fucking shit and be really careful if you do, and the admins and Quackity just don't seem to - as a collective whole, some individuals may - have the experience necessary to fuck with the formula. Like. I'm burnt out, the players are ooc burnt out, the fandom generally seems burnt out - not giving the players a win here was already a mistake, but the tension /has/ snapped. Too many people are too burnt out from playing more than usual and all that, under very high stakes circumstances, for very little reward. There needs to be a break where players who do other stuff can play other stuff and players who don't can take the time to find their footing again. Tension levels are not sustainable and they broke them open. If they hadn't revealed the eggs you could have stretched it another few days, but they did. At which point losing the eggs again is genuinely so fucking unsatisfying. They could have only been shown the winning egg. Like sure fuck with people, that's what's going on IC and OC maybe it was supposed to be reassurance, but it just ended up feeling ghoulish. It was so obviously playing on feelings it just fell flat for me. Not even the fun playing with feelings, just a fuck you.

Also communication has been fucking atrocious. Yes keep twists in the bag, I can see arguments for all plot points, but the players needed to know the timescale, the fact it was a PvP not a lore event, and that this wasn't the end of the eggs missing arc rather an interlude waaaaaaaaaaay earlier. Like they found out as these things became obvious, but given the time commitment it demanded they needed to know like weeks before it started. As soon as it was announced. We can tall all we like about trusting the admins, but the admins have got to fucking trust their players to still make good viewing times even if not everything is a complete surprise. It fucked over Cellbit and Roier and their murder plot planning, it fucked over a lot of people ooc and their streaming schedules and their ability to do actual life things. Forever when given the Judas plot should have been told in advance when it would be activatable. The players - not the characters or the audience, the players - should have known it was 15 days, PvP, only 1 egg was on the cards for now, that the chance to save the others will come later (I have no doubt it will), and that they would need to escape fast at the end. Not the why, not the how, not the plot, but you need to know the fucking stakes.

Like okay let's look at shit I run a sec. Its nor perfect, but we've been building on a 20+ year tradition of larp in the same place and learning from what does and doesnt work. Info players have in advance:

date and time. for things run for and at the university, dates generally are announced start of the year, and which system will be which day is the start of every term. For events for the uni but at an unusual place or time (often an IC dinner party or similar), 3 weeks in advance. For stuff not associated with the university (I help with fewer of these, as far fewer happen and theyte the ones i can still play with my disability)... well, they tend to be multi day in a hired venue and players pay a lot of money to be there, so its usually about a year and a half in advance. The stuff below about pitches are for saturday ones - paid for multi day events all that info is announced at least a year in advance, and for single day non-university ones at least 6 months. But like qsmp is a constantly running thing so the university stuff is a fairer comparison.

Every event has a "pitch". This goes up the Tuesday before for Saturday events - theres a couple of different teams running different genres but same place same time theres a larp every termtime saturday just 9/30 are run by my team. The pitch will contain the information the characters know going into a mission or social or whatever. If theres a twist the twist isn't mentioned, ofc, just the initial setup. Then, there's an out of character section, with stuff like date and time and reminders to weather weather appropriate clothing and sturdy shoes.

If the event is /not/ in the format players expect, in the out of character info including things like the time, we say that. We run combat heavy stuff. If it's purely social, we say so. If it'll be more Freeform than usual, we say so. If the party is getting split we - you guessed it - say so.

Our events have different levels of IC rewards. The basic reward can always be assumed (3 gold, iirc). Theres also 4 and 5 gold days. If its not 3 gold, it says so in the pitch, and players know this is a difficulty rstinf system. 3 is normal, 4 is "this is designed to be challenging for late end high xp characters and is likely to kill lower levels", 5 is "we are actively trying to kill someone". Death is always an option, but the ref team don't usually want it.

Sometimes there are RP rewards too. These are not explicately stated, but are alluded to "you will be paid so long as you eliminate the monster. If you capture it and deliver it to the university, however, the chancellor promises an extra something for you" sort of thing. "The Dowager Duchess is well known for rewarding those in her favour. Impress her, and she may do the same for you".

If there's distressing content that isn't covered by genre and game style, we include a warning. Last time was "this session will include horror elements. A list of content warnings is available from any ref on request", and we DMed players we knew have triggers on that list the same day pitch went out to liase with them. Yes even when the trigger is a plot twist or a spoiler because fuck you player safety will always be most important. One which had content warnings but was not horror "this session contains potentially distressing material. A list of content warnings is available from any ref on request".

And like... call me naive but this is the sort of info the players should have? In advance they should have a summary (yes it's also given IC at the start of the event, but it means they can prep properly), dates and times well in advance (so they can prep their lives and other projects), expected rewards (even if vague), and any particularly common triggers (like say a third party intentionally sewing paranoia and fucking with mental health of characters) should have a "theres triggers here please put a message in your help channel for a list". I'd say also some indicator of where on a plot arc something falls.

We dont give this because our pacing plot arc wise is determined by how we run them. Paid events are all always one offs (I run them with a different group of people but same circle) - except when they aren't in which case this is made clear at the pitching stage- and uni ones its dictated by the university schedule - we run nine main events a year, 3 each term. There's a small climax last linear of every term, and a major one at the end of a year. Yearly arcplots do not always exist but when they do they end with the last linear of term. There are some other plots brewing over longer periods - when those come to a head, they will become the main plot for a year and their climaxes run on yearly arcplot rules. It is never the case that all sessions in a year are arcplot related, to give players not interested in a specific thing something to do.

Other things they could probably do with include a safe word and establishing a way for an admin to indicate a fuck up due to glitch or mistake - probably an "ignore me" emote only admins have access to.

This all being said - the admin team want people to have fun and for it to go well, and the medium is much younger than traditional LARP. Information for their specific media does not exist, and while they maybe should look at rp for ideas they probably look at tabletop and don't even consider LARP - let alone larp styles more common in Europe. I can say things all I want, but I'm just a guy over here. The admins are trying their best and do want the best for their players, and will have a plan. It's just infuriating sometimes.

[nikethestatue]

I think SJM wishes Nesta had a trilogy. I can only hope that she is too boxed into one book per couple for ACOTAR and won’t try to sneak Nesta povs into Elain’s book. I think if she had permission to write another Nesta book, she would choose that over Elain in a heartbeat. We hear her talk about how much she loves ACOSF and how much Nesta’s journey meant to her, but I do wonder if when she reread ACOTAR in summer 2022 (which would be around the time she scrapped her first HOFAS draft and rewrote it…) that she felt she “wasted” Nesta’s book by spending every single page on mental health journey. I think she loves Nesta so much that she wants Nesta to carry the plot, which she didn’t do in her own book ACOSF. So now we get SJM trying to give Nesta plot in HOFAS, and, I fear, in the next ACOTAR book. I always thought Elain’s book was going to be very plot heavy, but I wonder if she doesn’t want Elain to carry the plot and would rather have it be a mix (that will inevitably come out poorly) of Nesta, Azriel, and Elain so that way Nesta can still be her queen of queens or whatever.

I absolutely think the same. I think--too late, imo--SJM realised that she blew her chance with Nesta's book. She wrote a lame book about arguably the most interesting character (love her or hate her, but Nesta IS interesting). And I feel like since then, SJM's been trying to compensate for it. In interviews, in lives, in CC. I feel like she can't stop herself, where in reality, she had a blank canvas and could've created a fantasy masterpiece with Nesta's book. instead, we got 800 pages of walking up and down the stairs and fucking and SJM's emotional turmoil.

I don't want to sound like a dick, but then of course I am kind of a dick, and if i am being honest, I don't really care about SJM's or anyone else's sob stories and inability to deliver a good product. This is what she is being paid for. I am not here to pay for her to write her own self-help books. And maybe some in the fandom feel bad for her and are okay with it, but in RL, you don't get the opportunity to perform poorly, get the money in advance, and then say 'oh, i have anxiety and I couldnt write well'.

But I also blame her shitty editors who allow a sub-par product to be published. The least you can do as an editor is ask 'Sarah, WHAT IS Nesta's power? Is Death that she can make weapons of death? Sarah, what are silver flames? what do they mean? how do they tie overall with her powers?"

It shouldn't be that we have three more book explaining these very questions.

(I am bitching, so I am gonna stop)

Ask me something fun! :)

[blackmagictrait]

You really opened my eyes about the paywall some cc creators do, even to ones I did genuinely respect. I realize alot are even taking advantage of the different tiers of their paywall. I've been waiting for this hair for a month now, since may, and it's only now released for the second tier, and you gotta wait till July for public release. It's this Raquel hair and I wanted to be respectful and wait but see that it took so long and it slow got released to different tiers is a little like.. why...?

honestly imma say it: a BIG chunk of creators aren't in this game for the fun or community, they're in it for the money they can make. like that's just the shitty truth of it. they know sims players are already used to be drained and exploited by ea so they follow suit and do the same thing because they know they can get away with it. most other gaming communities aren't like this. for some reason this is just the one that puts up with it. 🤷🏾‍♀️

in general I think the idea that you can and SHOULD monetize your hobbies has crippled creative endeavors overall. suddenly nothing is worth doing unless it's a paying job. not only does that mindset drain all the passion and fun out of whatever you're doing, it's also why everything starts to look the goddamn same! because people aren't making shit they personally think is neat, they're making (and remaking and re-remaking) shit they know will sell. it turns something that should be artistic into something corporate and soulless and it fucking sucks. grind culture was a mistake and we're all paying for it.