#and fuck stupid ass customers
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Life is seriously testing the fuck out of me today. I'm quite ready to fucking end it all.
People are fucking monsters. I don't want to exist in this society. Just let me fade away..
#vent#im tired of being a victim#im trying my best and for fuxking what? to end up completely broke and near homeless at this rate.#im so scared.#i cant be on the streets again. please.#insane creetur ramblings#su1c1dal#ready to kms#k1ll me thnx#actually mentally ill#bpd rage#bpd splitting#bpd vent#k1ll me#self h@te#self h@rm#depressing shit#traumatized#cptsd#severe mental illness#i wanna die#im tired of existing#nonhuman#bpd#im so exhausted#burnt out#disabled#breakdown#fuck my “family”#and fuck stupid ass customers
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a customer called the cops on a 5 year old pushing carts and asking people for money and it like actively escalated shit that ended up getting my manager in a fight
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About to reveal where I work but I’m so fucking tired of the like “the Costco founder said he would fucking kill them if they raised the price of the hot dog 🤓” posts which within context tends to imply that Costco is a “good” company (and it’s not just the stupid fucking hot dog, every Costco meme and joke ive ever seen has had the tone of ‘its such a great/ethical company tehe’)
Because man. I have worked there almost two years and have never worked a job where I felt treated LESS like a human being (by management, corporate, and customers) INCLUDING when I worked healthcare during peak covid and was coming in for a shift deadass every eight hours with no days off
Like it’s such a god awful fucking company and I see it every fucking day and if I see one more fucking person be like “they refused to raise the price of the dollar fifty hotdog !!!!!” I’m gonna start fucking biting things
#this company doesn’t let employees take time off#it has denied the disability accommodations of 90% of the ppl who have asked for them#we’ve told during training sessions that employees ‘aren’t allowed’ to speak languages other than English unless a customer can’t speak#English because it’s not ‘fair’ to ppl who only speak English who are overbearing it#*over hearing#the prices (except for that stupid nasty ass hot dog) are JUST as high and price gouged as every other corporate grocery store#but yeah sure they won’t raise the price of the hot dog the multi billion dollar corporation definitely doesn’t perpetuate all the worst#parts of capitalism like every other giant ass corporation#sure. sure.#sorry I saw a post about that stupid fucking hot dog and it made me mad lmfao#kaz rambles
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OKAY THATS IT IM QUITTING MY JOB I CANT DO THIS SHIT ANYMORE
#as soon as i get home tomorrow evening i am going to start applying to other jobs and drafting my notice#feel a bit bad leaving my coworkers even more understaffed but i dont want to suffer and get screwed over by the higher ups anymore#and the shifts are getting so unbelievably horrible at the moment since they fucked us up by suspending our manager because the other#managers have some stupid ego power play#im so fucking tired#hoping to get a job that doesnt involve customer service too because it makes me too angry at the world lol#this is the most thankless shit ass job ever fuck stupid big billionaire corporations who also dont give a shit about their minimum#wage staff#i hate capitalism it should die#i also hate my landlord and he should also die#both making me want to run away from the world and my life more every second
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y’all please pray for us retail workers. the holiday season has JUST started and I literally just dealt with some grown ass woman yesterday getting in my face and screaming at me about prices as if I control them.
#personal#retail#like maam it’s not that deep#welcome to inflation#my boss was ready to beat her ass for me#people are so fucking stupid and weird#i hate customers#on god
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Some of those doctors make hating oat milk their entire personality. I hate them. Cannot pretend to find them funny or like i give a shit. Fucking pretentious assholes
#also my colleague (the girl i had my shift with) is the exact opposite of me in all aspects. asked me if I'd ever worked in customer service#because i couldn't care less about being fake friendly to assholes and don't care if they like the service or not#like bitch those people don't have any other choice but drink our fucking coffee it's not like I'm competing with anyone#or like they pay us in any way. i get paid for doing the dumb work i have to do not for stroking some dumb ass doctors' egos#they come out of their rooms once an hour to get coffee and we have the cups on the table and i wouldn't even Think of#HANDING them the cups and smiling sweetly at them and asking 'coffee? tea?? :))'#I'll just assume these grown adults will get their stupid coffee or tea when they want some. it's not like they don't know where it is#(and i AM friendly and smile when someone is coming in our direction but why the fuck do you need to get so disgustingly friendly with them#if someone held up a cup asking if i.want some coffee I'd leave immediately even if i came just for coffee. it's creepy)#anyway. she's nice. I'm not.#there's normal people who will get their coffee and maybe ask if the milk in the little jug is cow milk to which I'll happily reply 'yes#:)'. then there's the other people who see the oat milk and make it clear they are the most insufferable people on the planet#(and i pity their patients so much. not much to choose from i guess but if i had that as a doctor I'd happily just die)#like everyone who took oatmilk could do it without making a fuss about the cow milk on the table. the cow milk lovers could never#'the oat milk is in front of the actual milk. this is unacceptable. i hate such healthy bullshit' lol okay#'OAT milk?? I'll leave this to the horses! THANK GOD you have actual milk!'#my favorite was the one who really took personal offense with its sheer presence. as if it had killed half of his patients lmao#'we had 50 patients with xyz problem. ALL of them drink oat milk. they cannot see the connection. it's really unhealthy'#at this point i just said i didn't care and stopped paying attention and he started complaining to his doctor colleague about how#oat milk is advertised to be healthy and how it's actually the opposite and i just find that very funny compared to the first comment#from that one guy who doesn't like such healthy bullshit. you guys need to find a consensus on the oatmilk issue i think. no one takes you#seriously if you contradict yourself like this. also i couldn't care less about the healthiness of the milk alternative of my choice. bitch.#next week I'll end up killing someone. i hope they all die from their cow milk. (but not the ones who took cow milk and didn't say anything#about the oat milk. they can continue living as they didn't annoy me)#void screams#some of these doctors were actually quite nice (most of them even). one even brought an applicant to us telling her to get some coffee#(which we are not allowed to give to applicants. but i don't care. I'd rather they get something than some of the asshole jury members#who hate oat milk (which is not the issue. the issue is them making it everybody else's issue that they don't like oat milk))
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my dream portrayal of jgy is that he's an independant character with his own strengths (not lxc's sweet little child-birthing wifey) that get recognition and appreciation (and that aren't 'being a good mommy/rabid event planner, haha, such a control freak this a-yao'), who deserves and gets love (but isn't just a tiny lovely thing whose only purpose is-- do you get my point already i wonder), who's allowed to be in a bad mood (but isn't defined by those moments, which is very important to me personally), but who isn't a cruel or bad person (and whose attempts at explaining his situation to others are taken seriously, and not as just him trying to Manipulate Others As Usual because, and i might be controversial but idqc, if i'm to call a character a gaslighting manipulator i'd like to see cases of him a/ doing it b/ succesfully c/ often, and no, "well he conned lxc into thinking he's not an evil murderous twink, SOMEHOW" doesn't count)
and my problem is that it's, well, as dreams usually are, rather unattainable
#what i mean by 'allowed to be in a bad mood but not defined by them' is that like. i talked about it before but the way the entirety of the#fandom and their moms are convinced modern jgy is sooo cranky when he wakes up and he loooves to bitch and complain and his ^_^ is ALWAYS#AND ONLY a mask hiding murderous rage towards stupid customers. and as an irl misinterpreted character i find this kinda#hurtful because you're not really 'allowed' to do something if this something will get you teased/immediately associated with Being A Perso#Who Does Thing. like the fandom is very bad at recognizing when a character is acting influenced by intense emotions#but like if cql!lxc slaps jgy that doesn't make him a violent person who solves all problems with his fists and is Sooo Scary Haha to be#around haha Don't Piss Him Off. but this happens to jgy a lot in fanfiction and i'm kinda tired of it#give me one (1) fic where jgy can complain about his stupid ass father and his stupid ass job and gets comfort and support#i also don't get people being so into wwx+jgy friendship. like. jgy would be like 'hey please think abt how your behaviour impacts#not only your reputation but also those of your friends and associates' and wwx would be like lmao chill out idc!#and wwx would be like 'wow your life situation sucks you should just tell everyone to kiss your ass and get the fuck out' to which#jgy would be like There Are No Words To Convey How Much I Can't Just Do That and that would be it. idk#anyway. lotsa words when im just being a hater#shrimp thoughts
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being the only person you know who is struggling is so fucking humiliating.
we’re talking about getting me a job at a gas station. my friends all make $60K plus.
i have to work in a gas station.
#man so glad i almost died to finish my fucking degree#so glad i worked my ass off for five fucking years so i can watch everyone else succeed and i can be a 36 year old gas station employee#again#when all my friends were going off to college#i was working in a fucking gas station#my friends got to be people and i got to be a fucking gas station employee#my friends all get to be treated with respect at work#i get to work in retail#yep going into debt so deeply i’ll probably never be able to pay it off was worth it#all so i can do fucking minimum wage menial labor.#great.#fantastic.#love that for me.#didn’t make me radically suicidal the first time around nah#everyone else gets to succeed#while i only ever get to fail in the shittiest and most humiliating way possible#cool cool cool#i’m going to bite my fucking wrists open all over the first customer who talks to me#i would legitimately rather be dead than have to work in customer service#it’s so fucking degrading. no one thinks you’re a person. no one cares.#minimum wage 36 year old fuck up loser#that’s me#awesome great cool awesome#everyone else gets a normal happy life & i get nothing#because i don’t know#something is missing in me#i am woefully inadequate to the task#hey what’s a good job for stupid idiot fuck up morons who can’t do anything & wasted 5 years & 70 thousand fucking dollars#on a fucking sheet of paper#that doesn’t even list my fucking degree
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finished the shift ✌️
#i. hate. it.#its like my coworkers just dont want me there at all lol#plus customers are now going out of their way to overcomplicate shit i try to help them with and contradict me in front of them#so i look stupid when Theyre the ones contradicting Themselves#and my coworkers just dont even bother clearing it up w me cuz they assume im just dumb like that lol#or they wait to gossip about it when they think im out of ear shot#can i have 1 job where its fucking normal. one. one goddamn time#the energy was sooooo off today. im so sick of it here already and ive literally been busting my ass to make it work#like its been a bit since ive tried THIS ard#and still
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me. everyday. bc people literally just be yappin at me.
#fed UP wit customers today#literally getting me in trouble bc they're so fucking dumb#some pushy ads couple ended up getting me in trouble by talking at me about some stupid as shii and making me give 'em reward points#ok but fr#these people start talking at me like i've got three heads bc they didn't tell me they were recycling ink/toner#(lo and behold it's not even toner i can actually take from them)#(AND im only supposed to give them ten recycling credits)#but these pushy ass bitches just keep yapping at me about getting their rewards#god i hope i can wait on them next time they're in and give them a big smiling bugs bunny No.#bc FUCK. YOU.🖕🖕🖕#mice can draw#my art#artists on tumblr
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do you want me to fucking go off on you? do you truly fucking want that mother?
#“oh you and your sister never listen to me and blah blah blah” we fucking do (or at the very least i do)#“you guys never help out” does me doing the litter and taking out the trash and on occasion hand washing the dishes mean#fucking nothing to you? does me sweeping the floor every once in a while because you chose to keep us in an area that is ALL SAND/DIRT ROAD#for whatever stupid ass reason also meaningless? does me doing my damn best to help out mean fucking nothing?#do you want me to kill my self. do you want to lose your eldest child to something YOU could have fucking prevented all because you can’t#stop being a bitch to him all the time? do you really fucking want that mom? because at this rate i am once again on the road to fucking#attempting it. i’m so god damn sick of how you treat me. the only time i can do anything i want is at night. i stay up super late playing#games with my friends because its the only time in the day when you aren’t bitching and whining for me to do something you don’t want to do#for the past several days i’ve been up until five in the damn morning just to do something that makes me happy.#you misgender me. you deadname me. you refuse to accept any aspect of my identity. you don’t treat me like a god damn person.#i have so many different ways i can consider attempting if i truly wanted to. the only thing keeping me alive is my friends. because they a#least show that they fucking care and actively want to do things with me. like group drawing or playing video games.#YOU on the other hand; mother; yell and get mad at me over the stupidest shit and never fucking apologize.#i cannot recall a singular time you’ve apologized for being a complete bitch to me over something so fucking unimportant.#and yet i’m expected to be completely fucking fine and happy all because you provide me with the bare fucking minimum.#”i clothe and feed and provide a place for you to live” THAT IS THE BARE FUCKING MINIMUM. sure you could argue over the fact i’m 18 and#should be out working somewhere. but you give me so few opportunities for going places and even considering getting a job or finally gettin#my driver’s license. plus i would rather fucking die than work any food service or customer service job. because i’d be going somewhere#where i’d mostly get talked down to or yelled and then come home and have the same shit done after working for hours and getting minimal#pay. i’d rather work on my own fucking terms with commissions than go into any job where i have to interact with others in public for any#reason. where i’d be treated just the same as at home. like someone who isn’t a person and doesn’t deserve anyone to be nice to them.#i constantly so desperately wish that maybe one day soon i’d find someone to be with romantically and that i could maybe live with them and#get out of this hell hole that i’m supposed to call home. to go somewhere and have my efforts appreciated. to go somewhere where i’d#actually fucking be loved. i shouldn’t have to wish so god damn hard for a better life all because my mother can’t fucking treat me like a#person with hopes and dreams and thoughts and feelings.#i’m ending this rant here before i get too angry and upset. see you all in maybe an hour.#suicide mention#ask to tag
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oh i want to make bad decisions so fucking bad
#my stupid ass depressed brain keeps dragging the Stupidest shit forward#shit that i KNOW would be a bad impulsive idea#but i need something anything rn#on the more productive end#i have been considering going back to school#and seeing if maybe i could go somewhere actually prestigious#but that is also a very bad impulsive idea#bc money#idk im just feeling lonely#and tbh i have never said this out loud#bc i dont want to be seen as some attention seeking asshole#but i think i'm autistic#and on god i'm so so tired of trying#i'm fucking floundering here bc i dont know how to be around people at all and its really catching up with me#bc [redacted]#i feel like i'm down to 2 people i can really just be myself around#i feel like i'm customer servicing literally everyone else i talk to#vent#lea speaks#god i'm sorry guys#i'm just crying again#on the bright side#i exercised today#and i went to work#and i showered lmao#god the bar is on the floor
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FINALLY, TIME FOR MY FUCKING DAY OFF. I DIDN'T GET FIRED OR GO TO PRISON TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DID SO FUCKING GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111
youtube
#barking and foaming at the mouth#working in fast food makes you want to beat people 20x more than you already wanted to. i promise#coworkers. customers. everybody#just know i want to throw a full fucking large hot coffee at your stupid fucking head#lazy fucking greedy fucking rude ass fucking worthless people#Youtube
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told my coworkers today (WHILE IN THE KITCHEN) that working on the bar for four consecutive hours sometimes has me wanting to kill customers (reasonable.) and they laughed like i had just told the world's funniest joke during an impromptu one minute stand up sesh (i was not joking)
#i want everyone who has ever fucking stopped me in the middle of carrying five to six plates to the kitchen so they can ask#some stupid fucking mundane question that definitely could have fucking waited to DROP fucking DEAD.#anyway i told my mum this after work. her response was :serious frown: you could get in serious liability troubles if something ever happens#like. ok. well one i honestly dont think anyone is going to point to me for murder. and two i literally wasnt around any customers.#i was in the kitchen the loud ass kitchen speaking below regular volume because im not fucking crazy enough#to say i start wishing death on the people i serve IN FRONT OF THEM.#all this in response to do you prefer floor or bar like the answer is they are both fine in moderation.
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i wish testosterone made my feet bigger </3
#us mens size 7 is a stupid size istg#too small for most shoe companies to make men’s shoes in but too big to buy kids shoes#wear women’s shoes regardless cause my feet are also really narrow and they make women’s shoes more narrow than men’s for some reason#HOWEVER i am drooling over handmade leather boots and they don’t fucking make them small or narrow enough (as if i could afford them anyway)#most brands i would have to custom order and thats such a pain in the ass
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maybe if I just listened to seven seas of rye like I know I need to I'd feel better
#*deep breathing*#I have to call a customer support line to transfer my phone number and it's making me want to SCREAM#I'm either just gonna get a new number or this one is gonna work when I call for assistance#but of course my stupid ass forgot it's easter sunday#anyway happy easter to all who celebrate I'm vibrating with anxiety and unease#fucking hate this
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