#and fuck stupid ass customers
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Life is seriously testing the fuck out of me today. I'm quite ready to fucking end it all.
People are fucking monsters. I don't want to exist in this society. Just let me fade away..
#vent#im tired of being a victim#im trying my best and for fuxking what? to end up completely broke and near homeless at this rate.#im so scared.#i cant be on the streets again. please.#insane creetur ramblings#su1c1dal#ready to kms#k1ll me thnx#actually mentally ill#bpd rage#bpd splitting#bpd vent#k1ll me#self h@te#self h@rm#depressing shit#traumatized#cptsd#severe mental illness#i wanna die#im tired of existing#nonhuman#bpd#im so exhausted#burnt out#disabled#breakdown#fuck my “family”#and fuck stupid ass customers
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a customer called the cops on a 5 year old pushing carts and asking people for money and it like actively escalated shit that ended up getting my manager in a fight
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About to reveal where I work but I’m so fucking tired of the like “the Costco founder said he would fucking kill them if they raised the price of the hot dog 🤓” posts which within context tends to imply that Costco is a “good” company (and it’s not just the stupid fucking hot dog, every Costco meme and joke ive ever seen has had the tone of ‘its such a great/ethical company tehe’)
Because man. I have worked there almost two years and have never worked a job where I felt treated LESS like a human being (by management, corporate, and customers) INCLUDING when I worked healthcare during peak covid and was coming in for a shift deadass every eight hours with no days off
Like it’s such a god awful fucking company and I see it every fucking day and if I see one more fucking person be like “they refused to raise the price of the dollar fifty hotdog !!!!!” I’m gonna start fucking biting things
#this company doesn’t let employees take time off#it has denied the disability accommodations of 90% of the ppl who have asked for them#we’ve told during training sessions that employees ‘aren’t allowed’ to speak languages other than English unless a customer can’t speak#English because it’s not ‘fair’ to ppl who only speak English who are overbearing it#*over hearing#the prices (except for that stupid nasty ass hot dog) are JUST as high and price gouged as every other corporate grocery store#but yeah sure they won’t raise the price of the hot dog the multi billion dollar corporation definitely doesn’t perpetuate all the worst#parts of capitalism like every other giant ass corporation#sure. sure.#sorry I saw a post about that stupid fucking hot dog and it made me mad lmfao#kaz rambles
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OKAY THATS IT IM QUITTING MY JOB I CANT DO THIS SHIT ANYMORE
#as soon as i get home tomorrow evening i am going to start applying to other jobs and drafting my notice#feel a bit bad leaving my coworkers even more understaffed but i dont want to suffer and get screwed over by the higher ups anymore#and the shifts are getting so unbelievably horrible at the moment since they fucked us up by suspending our manager because the other#managers have some stupid ego power play#im so fucking tired#hoping to get a job that doesnt involve customer service too because it makes me too angry at the world lol#this is the most thankless shit ass job ever fuck stupid big billionaire corporations who also dont give a shit about their minimum#wage staff#i hate capitalism it should die#i also hate my landlord and he should also die#both making me want to run away from the world and my life more every second
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Some of those doctors make hating oat milk their entire personality. I hate them. Cannot pretend to find them funny or like i give a shit. Fucking pretentious assholes
#also my colleague (the girl i had my shift with) is the exact opposite of me in all aspects. asked me if I'd ever worked in customer service#because i couldn't care less about being fake friendly to assholes and don't care if they like the service or not#like bitch those people don't have any other choice but drink our fucking coffee it's not like I'm competing with anyone#or like they pay us in any way. i get paid for doing the dumb work i have to do not for stroking some dumb ass doctors' egos#they come out of their rooms once an hour to get coffee and we have the cups on the table and i wouldn't even Think of#HANDING them the cups and smiling sweetly at them and asking 'coffee? tea?? :))'#I'll just assume these grown adults will get their stupid coffee or tea when they want some. it's not like they don't know where it is#(and i AM friendly and smile when someone is coming in our direction but why the fuck do you need to get so disgustingly friendly with them#if someone held up a cup asking if i.want some coffee I'd leave immediately even if i came just for coffee. it's creepy)#anyway. she's nice. I'm not.#there's normal people who will get their coffee and maybe ask if the milk in the little jug is cow milk to which I'll happily reply 'yes#:)'. then there's the other people who see the oat milk and make it clear they are the most insufferable people on the planet#(and i pity their patients so much. not much to choose from i guess but if i had that as a doctor I'd happily just die)#like everyone who took oatmilk could do it without making a fuss about the cow milk on the table. the cow milk lovers could never#'the oat milk is in front of the actual milk. this is unacceptable. i hate such healthy bullshit' lol okay#'OAT milk?? I'll leave this to the horses! THANK GOD you have actual milk!'#my favorite was the one who really took personal offense with its sheer presence. as if it had killed half of his patients lmao#'we had 50 patients with xyz problem. ALL of them drink oat milk. they cannot see the connection. it's really unhealthy'#at this point i just said i didn't care and stopped paying attention and he started complaining to his doctor colleague about how#oat milk is advertised to be healthy and how it's actually the opposite and i just find that very funny compared to the first comment#from that one guy who doesn't like such healthy bullshit. you guys need to find a consensus on the oatmilk issue i think. no one takes you#seriously if you contradict yourself like this. also i couldn't care less about the healthiness of the milk alternative of my choice. bitch.#next week I'll end up killing someone. i hope they all die from their cow milk. (but not the ones who took cow milk and didn't say anything#about the oat milk. they can continue living as they didn't annoy me)#void screams#some of these doctors were actually quite nice (most of them even). one even brought an applicant to us telling her to get some coffee#(which we are not allowed to give to applicants. but i don't care. I'd rather they get something than some of the asshole jury members#who hate oat milk (which is not the issue. the issue is them making it everybody else's issue that they don't like oat milk))
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my dream portrayal of jgy is that he's an independant character with his own strengths (not lxc's sweet little child-birthing wifey) that get recognition and appreciation (and that aren't 'being a good mommy/rabid event planner, haha, such a control freak this a-yao'), who deserves and gets love (but isn't just a tiny lovely thing whose only purpose is-- do you get my point already i wonder), who's allowed to be in a bad mood (but isn't defined by those moments, which is very important to me personally), but who isn't a cruel or bad person (and whose attempts at explaining his situation to others are taken seriously, and not as just him trying to Manipulate Others As Usual because, and i might be controversial but idqc, if i'm to call a character a gaslighting manipulator i'd like to see cases of him a/ doing it b/ succesfully c/ often, and no, "well he conned lxc into thinking he's not an evil murderous twink, SOMEHOW" doesn't count)
and my problem is that it's, well, as dreams usually are, rather unattainable
#what i mean by 'allowed to be in a bad mood but not defined by them' is that like. i talked about it before but the way the entirety of the#fandom and their moms are convinced modern jgy is sooo cranky when he wakes up and he loooves to bitch and complain and his ^_^ is ALWAYS#AND ONLY a mask hiding murderous rage towards stupid customers. and as an irl misinterpreted character i find this kinda#hurtful because you're not really 'allowed' to do something if this something will get you teased/immediately associated with Being A Perso#Who Does Thing. like the fandom is very bad at recognizing when a character is acting influenced by intense emotions#but like if cql!lxc slaps jgy that doesn't make him a violent person who solves all problems with his fists and is Sooo Scary Haha to be#around haha Don't Piss Him Off. but this happens to jgy a lot in fanfiction and i'm kinda tired of it#give me one (1) fic where jgy can complain about his stupid ass father and his stupid ass job and gets comfort and support#i also don't get people being so into wwx+jgy friendship. like. jgy would be like 'hey please think abt how your behaviour impacts#not only your reputation but also those of your friends and associates' and wwx would be like lmao chill out idc!#and wwx would be like 'wow your life situation sucks you should just tell everyone to kiss your ass and get the fuck out' to which#jgy would be like There Are No Words To Convey How Much I Can't Just Do That and that would be it. idk#anyway. lotsa words when im just being a hater#shrimp thoughts
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being the only person you know who is struggling is so fucking humiliating.
we’re talking about getting me a job at a gas station. my friends all make $60K plus.
i have to work in a gas station.
#man so glad i almost died to finish my fucking degree#so glad i worked my ass off for five fucking years so i can watch everyone else succeed and i can be a 36 year old gas station employee#again#when all my friends were going off to college#i was working in a fucking gas station#my friends got to be people and i got to be a fucking gas station employee#my friends all get to be treated with respect at work#i get to work in retail#yep going into debt so deeply i’ll probably never be able to pay it off was worth it#all so i can do fucking minimum wage menial labor.#great.#fantastic.#love that for me.#didn’t make me radically suicidal the first time around nah#everyone else gets to succeed#while i only ever get to fail in the shittiest and most humiliating way possible#cool cool cool#i’m going to bite my fucking wrists open all over the first customer who talks to me#i would legitimately rather be dead than have to work in customer service#it’s so fucking degrading. no one thinks you’re a person. no one cares.#minimum wage 36 year old fuck up loser#that’s me#awesome great cool awesome#everyone else gets a normal happy life & i get nothing#because i don’t know#something is missing in me#i am woefully inadequate to the task#hey what’s a good job for stupid idiot fuck up morons who can’t do anything & wasted 5 years & 70 thousand fucking dollars#on a fucking sheet of paper#that doesn’t even list my fucking degree
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finished the shift ✌️
#i. hate. it.#its like my coworkers just dont want me there at all lol#plus customers are now going out of their way to overcomplicate shit i try to help them with and contradict me in front of them#so i look stupid when Theyre the ones contradicting Themselves#and my coworkers just dont even bother clearing it up w me cuz they assume im just dumb like that lol#or they wait to gossip about it when they think im out of ear shot#can i have 1 job where its fucking normal. one. one goddamn time#the energy was sooooo off today. im so sick of it here already and ive literally been busting my ass to make it work#like its been a bit since ive tried THIS ard#and still
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me. everyday. bc people literally just be yappin at me.
#fed UP wit customers today#literally getting me in trouble bc they're so fucking dumb#some pushy ads couple ended up getting me in trouble by talking at me about some stupid as shii and making me give 'em reward points#ok but fr#these people start talking at me like i've got three heads bc they didn't tell me they were recycling ink/toner#(lo and behold it's not even toner i can actually take from them)#(AND im only supposed to give them ten recycling credits)#but these pushy ass bitches just keep yapping at me about getting their rewards#god i hope i can wait on them next time they're in and give them a big smiling bugs bunny No.#bc FUCK. YOU.🖕🖕🖕#mice can draw#my art#artists on tumblr
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do you want me to fucking go off on you? do you truly fucking want that mother?
#“oh you and your sister never listen to me and blah blah blah” we fucking do (or at the very least i do)#“you guys never help out” does me doing the litter and taking out the trash and on occasion hand washing the dishes mean#fucking nothing to you? does me sweeping the floor every once in a while because you chose to keep us in an area that is ALL SAND/DIRT ROAD#for whatever stupid ass reason also meaningless? does me doing my damn best to help out mean fucking nothing?#do you want me to kill my self. do you want to lose your eldest child to something YOU could have fucking prevented all because you can’t#stop being a bitch to him all the time? do you really fucking want that mom? because at this rate i am once again on the road to fucking#attempting it. i’m so god damn sick of how you treat me. the only time i can do anything i want is at night. i stay up super late playing#games with my friends because its the only time in the day when you aren’t bitching and whining for me to do something you don’t want to do#for the past several days i’ve been up until five in the damn morning just to do something that makes me happy.#you misgender me. you deadname me. you refuse to accept any aspect of my identity. you don’t treat me like a god damn person.#i have so many different ways i can consider attempting if i truly wanted to. the only thing keeping me alive is my friends. because they a#least show that they fucking care and actively want to do things with me. like group drawing or playing video games.#YOU on the other hand; mother; yell and get mad at me over the stupidest shit and never fucking apologize.#i cannot recall a singular time you’ve apologized for being a complete bitch to me over something so fucking unimportant.#and yet i’m expected to be completely fucking fine and happy all because you provide me with the bare fucking minimum.#”i clothe and feed and provide a place for you to live” THAT IS THE BARE FUCKING MINIMUM. sure you could argue over the fact i’m 18 and#should be out working somewhere. but you give me so few opportunities for going places and even considering getting a job or finally gettin#my driver’s license. plus i would rather fucking die than work any food service or customer service job. because i’d be going somewhere#where i’d mostly get talked down to or yelled and then come home and have the same shit done after working for hours and getting minimal#pay. i’d rather work on my own fucking terms with commissions than go into any job where i have to interact with others in public for any#reason. where i’d be treated just the same as at home. like someone who isn’t a person and doesn’t deserve anyone to be nice to them.#i constantly so desperately wish that maybe one day soon i’d find someone to be with romantically and that i could maybe live with them and#get out of this hell hole that i’m supposed to call home. to go somewhere and have my efforts appreciated. to go somewhere where i’d#actually fucking be loved. i shouldn’t have to wish so god damn hard for a better life all because my mother can’t fucking treat me like a#person with hopes and dreams and thoughts and feelings.#i’m ending this rant here before i get too angry and upset. see you all in maybe an hour.#suicide mention#ask to tag
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Im tired and a little nauseated and really ready to bite all customers which is not ideal and every stupid fucking part of th place i work is pissing me off so much
#some shit#stupid comminity fixture of a manager means all our costumers are like. wayyyy too re-la-ant on him. and guess what baby. hes sick!!!!!#cause fucking no on is immune to all forms of injury and illness. and his filing system SUCKS#come down to the [redacted] for an ass kicking. or the most [annoyed at the lack of words i have for my brain] customer service youve ever#seen.#im gonna listen to some music or sth b4 i loose my job here
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oh i want to make bad decisions so fucking bad
#my stupid ass depressed brain keeps dragging the Stupidest shit forward#shit that i KNOW would be a bad impulsive idea#but i need something anything rn#on the more productive end#i have been considering going back to school#and seeing if maybe i could go somewhere actually prestigious#but that is also a very bad impulsive idea#bc money#idk im just feeling lonely#and tbh i have never said this out loud#bc i dont want to be seen as some attention seeking asshole#but i think i'm autistic#and on god i'm so so tired of trying#i'm fucking floundering here bc i dont know how to be around people at all and its really catching up with me#bc [redacted]#i feel like i'm down to 2 people i can really just be myself around#i feel like i'm customer servicing literally everyone else i talk to#vent#lea speaks#god i'm sorry guys#i'm just crying again#on the bright side#i exercised today#and i went to work#and i showered lmao#god the bar is on the floor
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I should just start getting a ribbon or something whenever customers get mad at me. Because most of the time, they're mad because I'm not like 'u w u tehe welcome goshujin sama!!! How may I serve you today?! ^ w ^//' My voice is monotone- thats just how it is. My face is just in its resting state- and if you think I look like a bitch, thats YOUR problem. lmfao I'm not gonna tire myself out to put on a huge fake smile and an uwu! voice all fucking day, just to protect your fragile ego and sense of entitlement. People come to restaurants for food. Not to be friendly with the staff. If you think Im sooo mean, don't fucking eat here. lol Idk what else to tell you.
#rant#food service#its not even that im being MEAN#im just not bubbly or expressive and for some reason people take such fucking offense to that#like idk you idc about you#get your food and fuck out of here#me not speaking super softly to you is not a fucking personal rip at you#i swear grown ass adults acting like spoiled toddlers#im so glad im quitting soon#waifu thoughts#the 'service' in food service is that i give you your food#theres no belly showing or tail wagging here#lmfao#like i should just start giving MYSELF ribbons whenever i make a customer mad cause of some stupid shit#it would be so funny
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told my coworkers today (WHILE IN THE KITCHEN) that working on the bar for four consecutive hours sometimes has me wanting to kill customers (reasonable.) and they laughed like i had just told the world's funniest joke during an impromptu one minute stand up sesh (i was not joking)
#i want everyone who has ever fucking stopped me in the middle of carrying five to six plates to the kitchen so they can ask#some stupid fucking mundane question that definitely could have fucking waited to DROP fucking DEAD.#anyway i told my mum this after work. her response was :serious frown: you could get in serious liability troubles if something ever happens#like. ok. well one i honestly dont think anyone is going to point to me for murder. and two i literally wasnt around any customers.#i was in the kitchen the loud ass kitchen speaking below regular volume because im not fucking crazy enough#to say i start wishing death on the people i serve IN FRONT OF THEM.#all this in response to do you prefer floor or bar like the answer is they are both fine in moderation.
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i wish testosterone made my feet bigger </3
#us mens size 7 is a stupid size istg#too small for most shoe companies to make men’s shoes in but too big to buy kids shoes#wear women’s shoes regardless cause my feet are also really narrow and they make women’s shoes more narrow than men’s for some reason#HOWEVER i am drooling over handmade leather boots and they don’t fucking make them small or narrow enough (as if i could afford them anyway)#most brands i would have to custom order and thats such a pain in the ass
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maybe if I just listened to seven seas of rye like I know I need to I'd feel better
#*deep breathing*#I have to call a customer support line to transfer my phone number and it's making me want to SCREAM#I'm either just gonna get a new number or this one is gonna work when I call for assistance#but of course my stupid ass forgot it's easter sunday#anyway happy easter to all who celebrate I'm vibrating with anxiety and unease#fucking hate this
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