#im tired of being a victim
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Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuck.
Nothings fucking helping.
It's all too much.
self harming and venting isn't doing shit
Please help me.
Actually, please just fucking kill me.
I hope this is it this time.
It's not like anyone will care or even notice
If anything they should all be relieved
#insane creetur ramblings#vent#actually mentally ill#bpd#su1c1dal#self h@te#self h@rm#depressing shit#traumatized#cptsd#im done#k1ll me#i hope they know its their fault#im tired of being a victim#im tired of existing#im tired#bpd split#bpd rage#rip me apart#failure#feeling alone#i want to cvt deeper again
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i am actually so tired of the way westerners treat eastern europeans
#fair warning for. a very very long ramble and rant in the tags. apologies#westerner or russian. no other option#westerner because the only thought they ever have is 'but they had universal housing so if you oppose ussr you oppose that'#(which is stupid becuse you can believe in that WITHOUT WANTING LIKE 6 COUNTRIES TO BE FORCED TO BE RULED OVER BY RUSSIA)#(SORRY FOR WANTING TO LIVE IN MY COUNTRY WITH MY HISTORY AND MY CULTURE AND NOT RUSSIA!!) (poland was a sattelite state but GOD)#or russian because they have a victim complex and are convinced that they deserve to rule over the entire damn world#'well you had universal housing so you had it easy' right yeah. okay. forget about like. everything else that happened#to eastern europeans during that time#forget about the things that are STILL issues all these years later not only in poland but like the more eastern countries too#its not about. the fact that the houses 'didnt have 3 bedrooms and a jacuzzi' in them. you DUMB SACK OF SHIT#god sorry. sorry. i also know so very little but like god damn i fucking live here. i didnt sit thru all that modern history#for some dumbfuck to say that 'ohhh only rich and american middle class people are happy the ussr was dissolved'#'oooh the dissolving of the ussr was illegal and the countries within it actually liked being there'#im just so fucking tired man i need to. i need to start killing people#and this is all not to mention that theyll say this stupid shit and then deny eastern europeans the things they actually did that were good#FUCK french people for trying to claim maria skłodowska. fuck americans for trying to claim the witcher as their own fantasy world#fuck the way the west is allowed to claim and destroy eastern european culture without any consequence because we dont matter enough#vaguely related but ill throw this in here since anyone finding it is unlikely and im scared of having this opinion#i think one underappreciated aspect of DE (which might be underappreciated because its not actually there and im stupid)#is that its pro-communist while still also giving some criticism to how it was handled and acknowledging that its still not perfect#which makes the writers much better communists than any self-proclaimed one ive ever met in my life who just worships the idea#perhaps its because the writers of the game were not white upper middle-class americans living in the suburbs. among other things#idk de is a game for people far smarter than me and i only played it once and im sure anyone who played it well can clock me as a bad perso#horrible horrible person even which is why im scared of mentioning it. but its an interesting thing. to me#the main thing is that im just not. im not far left enough i suppose. i agree communism in theory is a great idea. as far as i know it#(which isnt very far)#but chances of implementing it correctly in a way that doesnt take away from peoples happiness in other areas is. low. very low#i wrote a short essay about how utopias are inherently contradictory ideas once it wasnt very deep or good but like#you cant have universal happiness without restricting certain freedoms. and when those freedoms are resticted not everyone#will be happy. and then theyre unhappy they will have to be somehow removed or ignored
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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horror jjk au where sukuna and his team most likely choso utahime yozoru and uraume are assigned to influtrate a literal domain of hell that seems to be themed around raves and partying — the fashion is so distinct they stand out amongst others
large, bright mismatched colors with satanic related symboling on some of them. countless fur-filled leg warmers, shoes, coats the whole nines.
it’s a huge culture shock to otherwise well socialized sukuna ( technically he went from deviant; where he required his ear piercings -> rough correctional system; where he gets his tattoos from and then -> reintegrated into society only due to his physical prowess and he knows his limited freedoms can be easily ripped away if he disobeys his bosses )
* his bosses belong to a company that deals with supernatural shit by gathering prisoners who also are supernatural and making them hunt down these types of people for possibly lesser sentences
anyways once they enter the rave area, they notice the complexity of the domain and how it’s practically a city with large hotels and just more and more parties. it doesn’t help that they don’t know which people were just unfortunate enough to be caught in the domain and the spirits that have been transformed to look human
they spread out to garner more information after a near death experience with the bouncers for not looking like one of the monster ravers.
sukuna is the first one to reach the pit, he thanks his mother for his tall figure as he's able to shove to the very front of the pit.
then on stage he sees this beautiful creature with snow-white hair who's blue eyes seemed radiant against the neon lights. he's never felt more inlove and they almost make eye contact until sukuna looks down and notices that this white-haired beauty is wearing one of the hearts of the rave.
he's one of the sorcerer's he has to take out.
#I know a complaint box would hate to see me come#im tired of seeing ghost face repping the horror community#crazy how NOBODY has tried idk?? JUMPING HIM#Sukuna being the only canon ghostface because his victims are just as dumb#do not ask satoru's students why they didn't jump Sukuna after satoru's death#satoru obv didn't need help bc HELLO his students would slow him down#now after satoru had his cool ass death everybody thinks they fit to run ones with Sukuna#sukugo#satoru gojo#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#ryomen sukuna#satoru shoko and yuki are the hearts of the rave#this au would lead to sukuna's brain rotting slowly along with his sanity#this is more of a game au where he'd have to scavenge for a disguise#something to increase his sanity hunger thirst and sleep#only issue is most of the spirit ravers never sleep and the hearts of the rave can sense cursed ability on sukuna's team
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"Ariel was stupid like she gave up her life in the ocean for a boy-" Well, if you actually watch the movie, before she even meets Eric, Arield shows interest in going to the surface and learning the ways of the humans. She collects artifacts and hides them, along with her trips to the surface from her father, who is prone to anger and hates her interest. He blows up her cave filled with said artifacts and bans her from ever going back to the surface (and seeing Eric, but the surface aspect and him go hand and hand). You want me to believe that you wouldn't book it at the first opportunity you got? Like yeah, the context of the deal was sketchy as hell, but when your dad is the literal ruler of all the seas you don't have many options. Also, in the sequel, Ariel is still connected to the ocean and can go back, especially after Ursula's sister dies so, in all honesty, my girl still wins in the end.
#the little mermaid#the little mermaid (2023)#tlm#tlm2#ariel#princess ariel#like the big wave of hating princesses comes up again & again but sometimes some of yall just want to hate over things that makes sense#i might make a post about cinderella too bc im tired of yall victim blaming around her all the time#ariel got her man a new life & her old life and two kingdoms? my girl was winning!#that's why she's still one of my faves#“she's not a good role model!” well not every fictional character has to be but if u want that than maybe look at how#it's important to have healthy relationships with your kids & be able to talk with them so they don't hide things & seek out dangerous peopl#prepare them for the dangers of bad people while your at it so they can avoid being hurt as much as possible (within their capabilities)#even the og message wasn't that bad: u can find love & happiness without giving up your old life or your interest#and even if you don't feel like the message was that great there's an opportunity to talk with your kids and educate them on it#maybe even see their opinions on why they might feel differently and work from there instead of calling a fictional teenage girl “stupid”
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seven's the best protag ever because i could make a million "get you a man who" jokes about him. get you a man who looks at him the way thirteen does. get you a man who has undefeated whimsy and love for the world like seven. get you a man who holds his friends above everything else. get you a man who'd rather go broke and hungry rather than tear apart the bonds between people. get you a man who'd get himself killed for someone who barely knows him. get you a man who'd get himself killed for an island which he's barely familiar with. get you a man who'd dress up as you and settle the arguement between you and your girlfriend including a really long serenade. get you a man who could both save the girl in white like that and also let thirteen save him like that. get you a man who's driven purpose in life is loving others
#i think i shouldnt limit it to just “best protag” but im too lazy to think of better phrasing#i know very little medias who would be willing to write a man who's that loving and empathetic and caring and also have him have killed#literal thosuands and those two points of his characters dont contradict his very personality because his actions have genuine sensible mot#a character who is the victim of his own narrative and continues to fight it over and over and over even if he's tired#because being tired does not mean he gets to stop fighting for what he loves#the s4 op lyrics literally say something along the lines of “who's tired of fighting evil?” i cant check the netflix captions of it rn#god i just love seven as a character i love how he's written#i cannot interract with the tiktok side of the fandom because#i feel like i'm pretentous or a gatekeeper when i say this#but some people just wanna see funny badass who should be feared and will not comprehend how empathetic and adoring he is#and that's ok. that's an ok character to want and love#and i will not be the person to burst the bubble but also the bubble chokes me alive LOOK AT HIM /j#explaining the intricacies of his character takes so long and its so fun but also some mfs jsut dont wanna hear it i need mfs who need it#scissor seven#wu liuqi#seven
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people really love to conveniently forget trans men exist when they talk about feminism. or if they dont they make us out as also part of the problem as if we somehow are able to have the same amount of privilege as cis men. absolutely wild
#“not all men” is a valid statement because its fucking true#like guys. seriously. not every single man is evil#feminism isnt about putting men down its about raising women up to be equal and getting rid of gender inequality#sorry im seeing a massive uptick in people hating on trans men for being men lately and its fucking stupid#like yall are doing a great job at making me feel ashamed to be a man who likes men. awesome thanks guys#i dont normally make posts like this but its been rattling around in my mind for a few days now#its always put out like. all men (trans or not) are Inherently Evil and all women (trans or not) are Inherently Victims#which is absolutely the stupidest shit ive ever seen#and they also leave out anyone who doesnt fit into the man/woman dichotomy. and if they dont its always seen as woman lite#which is also stupid as fuck#not every nb/agender/other person is feminine asshole#anways. case in point. can we stop demonizing masculinity while also discussing the effects of misogyny and the patriarchy please.#because both of those things are very real and very much do hurt people#but im sick of people lashing out at trans men as if the problem magically doesn't affect us anymore because we are men#because guess what! newsflash! it affects trans AND cis men too!!#i shouldnt have to explain it should be obvious but like. im tired man#sorry ill forever be annoyed at women who just hate every single man who dares breathe in their direction because they COULD be an asshole#if you hate someone because of their gender no matter what gender it is i Do Not Trust You#anyways thanks for coming to my ted talk. replies are off cause i dont want to argue with people i just want to express my opinion
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I feel so blank
My head is flooding with thoughts and feelings but it's such big waves right after one another that I'm being numbed by the consistent pain and pressure
It feels like I need to sob scream and rip my flesh apart but I'm so exhausted I can't even bring myself to shed a tear
#insane creetur ramblings#vent#actually mentally ill#traumatized#bpd#self h@te#su1c1dal#depressing shit#self h@rm#k1ll me#numb#im so done#im tired of being a victim#im tired of existing#bpd splitting#gore wh0r3
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i think the convo around dark content gets frustrating to me because it does need more nuance than "what you like in fiction =/= reality" but you say that and people automatically are like "yeah! it's fine to do all this stuff but not this (insert thing)"
#>sluggy personal#idk if that makes sense#i'm so tired dawg i didn't sleep#im just thinking about this because i think the way some people interact with traumatized characters#does in fact reveal how they view trauma and victims#but i'm not being like 'no noncon or dark content!' it's about the vibes really. and sometimes#yalls vibes are weird and off putting
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dumbest argument i've ever seen people make is that svetlana is some kinda perpetrator of SA as if she wasn't literally coerced and unwilling in that situation
#if you cant understand that being a victim of SA can also apply to those being forced to do something rather than recieve something#then you really have no concept of harsh reality nor do you have a speck of intelligence in your head#the principle of SA is literally a lack of consent#did svetlana look like she wanted that?? like she was consenting??#No. She was literally under duress#let me make this very clear. the perpetrator in that scene was Terry#the victims were svetlana mickey and ian#all three of them because they were all forced into a situation of that nature which they did not want to be in#its common sense#just have to say this cause im tired of seeing svetlana dehumanised the way she is
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ppl who say it’s hard to escape ur abuser are so right, but i still feel guilty abt not trying hard enough to escape lol
#pip squeaks#i feel like there’s an expectation of abuse victims to be trying as hard as humanly possible to escape#but being abused is tiring. if you didn’t know. so sometimes im too lazy to think about escaping
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im ngl this may mainly be a twitter thing as i dont really follow sh2 here on tumblr outside of like 2 blogs so potentially hot take incoming??? but aside from all the underserved angela hate that can be just outright insulting to victims (especially in regards to the dead horse that is her remake design and all the "memes" about that jfc) i also feel that some others even WITH good intentions are way too patronizing of her to the point it just becomes dehumanizing tbh, it is something i do not see mentioned NEARLY enough but like some of y'all fawn and talk about her and her trauma and treat her more like a sick kitten than an actual human being. like yeah while it goes without saying there are plenty of well-intentioned people out there, a lot of it just reads as rlly fake and performative tbh
#gu6chan's musings#silent hill#silent hill 2#angela orosco#like i wish i could say it better but some of the things are so.... thats a human person with Depth and Complexities you are talking about#im tired maybe i'll come back to this to say it better cause its not too well phrased but its been getting under my skin so bad lmao#like from the standpoint of 'this is a character i feel strongly towards' i GET it and its not my FAV thing to see but??? i get it#but when ppl try to argue against insulting someone's appearance in actually apalling ways with blorbo logic im SO......#save it for a less serious conversation PLS lmao if youre talking about how SA victims shouldn't be trashed for not looking 'pretty enough'#fight that battle; but also like.... is patronizing her and treating her like the lords specialest gift bc she experienced CSA#really what you wanna argue with. like maybe just respect her if you're going there. you can feel sympathy for someone while still#respecting them and their capabilities as a human being capable of deeper thought; you know??? ohhhh i wish i knew how to word it i hope#this makes sense askjdfhsdkjf
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Never open up to a white cishet woman who thinks she's better and a good ally because she's a" feminist"
#She's hella ableist#Talks over the two trans guy in the group#Lowkey fetishizes lesbians or being queer in general#Im so tired of her#Like thats not even the worst part of her she's genuinely unable to question her actions#Has a tendency to gas light people#And she thinks she's never done anything wrong ever#Working with her is a fucking pain#And she victimizes herself#When i put in quote feminist is because she's not really one#She slutshames her own friends and shit#Shes just peak. White woman feminism iykyk
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lowkey thinking rn 2 am thoughts im thinking abt rewriting and redesigning crystal winter... she has so much potential to be such a compelling character but unfortunately she was victim of terrible writing
#b.txt#epic winter#eah#i think the first and most important thing to consider for rewriting her is to make her parents evil#the snow queen in the og story is not like elsa- she is the main villain.#and i think that an evil woman sheltering her daughter not only to be incapable of thinking for herself but also#making her being a cold (heh) and brooding individual has so much potential for a good story#she can be a mirror to raven's character#as in#what would have happened to raven if she fell victim of her mother's manipulation and turned her into a real villain#but maybe this is a bad idea cause its almost 3am and i need to sleep asap#where would jackie and northwind do this time around? idk. maybe still try to sabotage her destiny#but mostly cause of them already being tired of the snow queen's regime and tricking the other snow ppl into thinking#they could be a symbol of rebellion (?) against the snow queen's empire. and deep down they both think that but their hunger for power#blinds them and turns them into just another version of crystal but more tyranical like#or maybe these two could be what the 2 kids were in the original story... i dont know#again its almost 3am and im rambling#what about the snow king? he doesn't exist
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Omg maybe I was mean but Hey.....Someone Had to say it
#7.6.24#tired of losing my friend#tired of them being with some sort of pseudo predator#they can do whatever they want#its not my life#but im upset with everything thay happened#i dont wanna hear them cry victim at the end#gloomy
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Honestly feeling horrible waiting for the court ruling tmrw. Hoping for the best but expecting the worst really. I really dont get how the world can be this cruel and i really hope they rule that it is a genocide. Like south africas case was so solid and im worried its going to just fall on deaf ears. Clutching my head for real
#Like im so tired of like...Im so tired of victims not being believed. Im so tired of people being utterly failed by those in power#I really hope forward progress can come of this. I dont want to have to continue believing that the world is beyond fucked
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