#and even though i didnt tag it: this can be read as
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something old, and something new. chapter two coming soon. please enjoy 🧡
#rhythm doctor#my writing#the intern#ada paige#ian rhythm doctor#yeah i forgot to post abt it when i posted it on ao3. oopsies#and even though i didnt tag it: this can be read as#polyrhythmcule
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random omegaverse thought:
There must be people who experience specific instinct things with indifference or boredom.
Procreative cycle coming up? "Crap, I've got plans this weekend...stupid skip weeks."
Caught an intriguing scent while walking? "But I need to get to work! Shut up brain."
Had a snap response to a distressed sound? "Who was it?! ...right, it's my day off, I can go back to sleep."
Somebody growled at them? "Kid, I'm not a rival, that's my sibling."
Super cozy cuddle session happening nearby? "I'm gonna pass tonight guys, no social battery left, maybe next time."
Group of friends heading out to flirt and check out other singles? "I'm coming with you but only to make sure you all get home safe."
Setting where fated mates or soul bonds or permanent marks are a thing? "Meh. I don't really want one or care if I ever get one."
People in the actual omegaverse would get as bored of their stuff, as we do of ours, you know? It could be interesting to see that kind of vibe in fics. Biological demands faced with all the excitement of paying bills or doing laundry or tying your shoes.
Even if that kind of energy might not drive a plot, it could be interesting to have as a contrast to the people who do have big feelings about them - good or bad.
There's the friends who can't wait til they have a pack of their own, and the one friend who isn't against it but couldn't care less. There's the group in the office who are all about scent compatibility tests and figuring out one's best match and what sprays most highlight it, and the coworker who has no intentions on putting that much effort in. There are parents who hover and protect their offspring by scenting them multiple times a day, and others who don't see what the fuss is as long as it's done in the morning.
...also: packs with introverts who show care by giving each other space. So often, closeness is depicted through physical touch and tactile affection, but comfortable silence is meaningful too. Knowing people are near, but not having to interact until you're ready. Sitting in the same room doing different things, knowing that all it takes is a "hey, look at this" to share what you're up to. People understanding and accepting each other's differing or fluctuating needs for how and when to recharge. Seeing somebody reaching out or sharing space, beyond what's their norm, as a signal of the fact that they care.
#omegaverse worldbuilding#a/b/o worldbuilding#a/b/o dynamics#kinda#not gonna tag sfw though it mostly is#heat/rut mention#twovvie chatters#hi its me im introverts#a version of me in omegaverse would love to live in a pack house#as long as i could have a space to myself#people nearby? good! people around all the time? uhhhh#even my family knows that after so many hours of fun family party#i'm gonna disappear to whatever room has the fewest people in it#or find a random corner and start reading#“oh! i didnt know you were here” yes that was the plan#also i just find the idea of someone#who couldnt care less about pairing up#to be funniest in a setting where that's a big deal#“too bad you havent found a mate yet” “no i already know who it is”#“congrats! when do we meet them?” “oh i didnt mean that i'm going to date them. i just know who it is.”#“but i thought you were single?” “yup.” “don't you want a mate?” “nah too annoying.”#cycle day? nice i get a free day off work#cycle day? ugh not this again#the duality of man (a/b/o edition)#granted i hc heats/ruts as heightened libido and greater fertility#because i dislike elements of heats/ruts that (imo) mess with people's ability to freely consent#if the only non-sexual options are pain or solitude and the species needs compaionship as much or more as regular humans#then not being able to or being unwilling to is like a punishment for those people#sure stress or other needs can short circuit it (irl) but theres plenty of reasons to not be interested that arent “you have a problem”#surely i'm not the only person who reacts to various body requests with “later i'm busy” right?
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One day I will learn, that just because the bottle is low, does not mean I need to finish off the bottle.
#imma be so fuckin hungover tomorrow#someone should kiss me#and i moght be either asexual or aromantic or both which like woo thats funny to only me for so many trauma reasons#i love#im so drunk#i too drunk#i stated typing thos at 12:30#imma smoke pot after i post this#if your reqding my tags hi i love you. why are you reading this though like im a schizo bipolar depreased trans girl im unhinged in the tags#i need to stop drinking by myself#if think im an alcoholic as well if it wasnt for the fact that i can genuinely stop when ever i want but idkmaybe that changes?#at this point im just typing to annoy myself cause i think its funny to annoy other people and itd be hypothetical to not annoy myself#im ramblimg in the tags and honestly its your fault for still reading this#trans thought time#i wish i was born with a pussy but i do like having a cock and there is a possibility im genderfluid and fuck me that sucks if true#like how do you transition if your genderfluid? like i kinda want a cock and pussy and i know thats an actual option#but is it the right option?#i hate being trans but not knowing what kinda trans maybe ill hit where im at with my gender and just say tranny#cause i already say faggot for my sexuality instead of anything specific maybe i should just say tranny#this is probably what a therapist is for but idk if i can justify paying for this instead of saving money to buy a hoise#america sucks#capitalism sucks#love is such a bullshit thing#how can i be in love with some ane be in love with someone. being in love is nothing but selfish but also you have to be selfish for youryou#like i know that doesn't make sense sense but it makes sense to me and i also know its wrong#maybe i should give up and spend money on a therapist#i love my freinds and would sacrifice myself for them literally#12:51 and i have one more short tag to add#i hope you didnt read this far cause even in a drunk state this tag is embarrassing and im sorry you know me irl im sorry this is rambly+ugh#but if you dead read all the tags <3 i love yoh and would die for you
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being evaluated for adhd by having one of those full psych evals that last like two hours. scared frightened etc.... last time i took it i lied extensively bc i was 13 and thought they might tell my mommy if i said i had suicidal thoughts. and i still have a habit of lying to therapists bc i'm embarrassed......... AGH idk. what if i take it and they tell me that the reason im Like This is bc im genuinely just weird and shitty and not bc im mentally ill at all. SCARED
#which is dumb bc i have been formally diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses i dont think they can just take it back right?????#this is so stupid and cliche but what if i have been faking it........ all along........ Argh.#when i was in res i was put on adderall (bc the house psych just kind of experimented w meds LMFAO) and i had to go off them after like#two weeks bc it was affecting my appetite in a way i couldnt afford at the time lmao. but i do genuinely feel like it helped during that#time.... which is why i want to go on it again!!!! but im scared theyll just be like nah and i wont be able to take any of my meds anymore#is that crazy. am i being crazy rn. idk i truly do think most of my experiences w school and like. life could be explained by adhd and#when i was a kid they thought i had it but the two meds they tried didnt work for me so they just. kind of gave up#and i was really extremely unable to do school and graduated hs w an insanely low gpa and then dropped out of community college. LMAO. not#that people w adhd cant be good in school i just couldnt make myself do homework and couldnt listen in class bc i was too busy focusing on#listening. if that makes sense#IDK. idk. i know it's become like. a trend to have adhd is the issue and everything is being attributed to having it so im worried that ive#like. accidentally fallen in w that? even though ive thought i had it for forever and everyone has been like girl do you have this. IDK!!!!#idk. idkkkk im just like. genuinely scared. it's not the end of the world if im not diagnosed obviously but that means that#im just like this for no reason at all. and there's no way of helping it bc it's just the way i am. and i actually am just shitty n lazy.#epic. which incidentally is the proper name for how fucking long these tags are my bad. if you read this far sorry for being insane 👍
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wait do you have a fav boys character yet ?
i really like butcher but i feel like that's a basic answer and also the wrong answer. in another world id like frenchie but i can't get over how much i hate the actor. I love maeve theres never a moment she's on screen where im thinking get this woman outta here she's always entertaining to me. i like starlight but (and this is probably a bit nasty to say) there's smth a little uncanny valley about her sometimes where when she's talking im not listening but staring at her face trying to see what features throwing me off. I hate ashley but the actress played an insufferable character in jessica jones too and I really appreciate her ability to play The Most annoying woman you know.
centrist answer i like them all (except stormfront. hated her before i even knew she was a nazi. she was on insta live and i was waiting for her to explode and die) but my fave would have to be butcher bc i find im rooting for him the most and constantly justifying his actions. but sometimes karl urbans accent pisses me off. also black noir but he doesn't Do anything so it's hard to have him as a fave bc he's barely there.
#avds.got.mail#kieran tag#ik men like soldier boy so ill wait to see him do some evil disgusting horrendous thing that would make most ppl go ew he sucks but make#cis men ages 18-35 go wow hes soo cool#i like kimiko too but i dont think im allowed to say shes my fave when sometimes when shes like i dont want to be a weapon anymore :( im#mad at her and thinking get over it. i like mm but hes kinda this mother hen character and i dont rly tend to favour characters who are the#rational voice of reason like can we please get some conflict here#hughies whatever. i rly like his dad though lets go simon pegg#in the 7: homelander sucks. i find a train fun but his athlete storyline wasnt compelling to me personally bc the more i thought about it#the more i thought his superpower sucks. despite it all i find the deep kinda fun. i like that hes a scientologist.#didnt like transparent. was meh about lamplighter. didnt like whats his name sonicboom?? had a personal vendetta against that hijabi supe#we saw for like 2 seconds girl what are you doing there !!!!!! why are you playing into the diversity market !!!!#like edgar but in the way everyone likes giancarlo esposito's characters#nadia is whatever she was always meh to me even as a background character but i rly love the idea of having the superpower to explode#peoples heads with your mind i cant help but think of the xmen and think about if there was a mutant with the ability to explode heads with#their mind and that was their only ability and what a hard fucking sell that would be for xavier#(ive never read the xmen comics and have only seen some of the movies so i like to imagine charles xavier as lilo in the lilo and stitch#cartoon where every episode she would find an experiment with a unique function to destroy and would have to find it a home where it could#help instead. like yeah this experiment fattens people up and eats them lets put him in a resturant or smth#but with mutants#this mutant makes ice lets send him to a fridge company. this mutant explodes heads lets.... erm.#)
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(she/her) zoe! lex's sister. shes normal
#oc#original character#furry#zoe lucky#she accidentally killed her partner but um..... didnt break up with them hfdsf#sashas a kitty maybe ill elaborate on them eventually. even though theyre dead#uh ask to tag i know this is weird. LMAO look guys i read an odd fanfic and its stuck with me for months. its fine she just kisses them#and like cuddles them and stuff its fine#if i make more lucky family siblings they wont look this much like lex LMAO#they were gonna be twins. and then i changed my mind. but i liked her design. they do all wear collars. and none of them can shave well#simons scribbles
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Just wanted to say your art always brings a smile to my face and brightens my day! I love your depictions of Leon and Raihan, and the overall style, and I look forward to your posts <3
Aaah thank you so much! I’m always over the moon to know my art makes people happy 🥹
#augh. so sorry this took like 2 whole weeks to reply#I’m a whole clown and thought I at least replied last week but I probably goofed and didnt even save to draft aghaaha 😭#but thank you so much once again!! even though I can be rather inactive in posting or checking tumblr;#i’m always very happy when ppl like/rblg my works#and i do read the tags as well so it always makes my day to see them!
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i love cj!evelin they're so gender
#warning for the next tags: i just start rambling#i saw vik post their ref sheet a while back somewhere and i just went oh em gee? new blorbo obtained?#i didnt read the comic at that time time though i didnt know jackshit about cjau im sorry im late to things#i bingeread it last night cuz i was bored as hell and was like hey. didnt i say i wanted to draw eve. hm. and so i got to scribbling#im not even into tmc anymore but some aus just get a grip on me help#i also havent been drawing much in recent months so i tried to get back into the groove#so i tried to use this absolutely iconic to my brand brush of mine again cuz coincidentally i haven't used it in a hot minute#but i kinda just. went insane with it i think.#ALSO I WAS LISTENING TO JJBA STONE OCEAN OST DURING THIS AND I THINK YOU CAN SEE IT IN THE ARTSTYLE CRYINFFFF#tbh though. i think eve would like jolyne as a character...........#sorry sorry my autism. i have a jojo's bizarre adventure special interest#btw i added some headcanons have fun looking for them#the wing isn't one of them though that was just a stylistic choice#like. yknow how some people make some part of the body lighter cuz it's like not in the front ? yeah i guess i was trying to do that#fyi im not posting this to twt :saluting_face:#maybe i will on priv or something idk i'll see#xerv signing out now i talked too much
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read the scratch upd8. little too close to home
#tw vent#in tags at least#when i was reading hs like 3 ish years ago i related a lot to vriska and terezi cause i was in what i think was a really destructive#friendship qpp thing with my best friend online and a boy who liked both of us but mostly her.i was incredibly isolated irl as was my friend#and all my other online friends. i really should have seen that something bad could happen but i didnt and i got into a really deep#depression for like 3 months after but. my dearest friend girl decided to start befriending a 30 yo man and i. like an idiot. followed her#like a lovesick puppy even though all the warning bells were going off. we were in a gc with him that we texted in at all times of the day &#night and we shared selfies and dreams and our daily problems with isolation or hw or whatever. he got more and more creepy and my dearest#friend lashed out at him because she was scared while i sort of stopped talking as much because i was scared but. he still talked to me lots#in dms. he talked shit about the authority figures in our lives and isolated us from our ither online friends he made creepy picrews of me &#my friend getting married and he talked about moving in with us one day. we blocked him but sometimes he still tries to contact me. after it#blew up my friend left me and discord which is probably best and after my depression time i eventually got an irl friend or two but. i never#got over it. he did it to other people too we found out later. he always complimented me on being so sharp and talented and it was nice caus#it was really my first compliment from an adult who wasnt my family and. ig it got to my 14 yo head. anyways. the update made me cry. i had#read that it was bad and knew it would be bad for me specifically cause doc scratch always reminds me of that time in my life but. i didnt#think it would be that bad. i dont blame hs2 creators or anyone else and ig im glad i braved the storm but it was really painful to read#gonna go watch a more light hearted thing now.#if anyone sees this dw ill get over it#anyways. believe the warnings this update is very triggering and you can skip it if you want#glad i have like 5 followers rip
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officially decided i shant ever write again. decided i suck. if u need me ill be smoking a cigarette at the bus stop and lamenting .
#okay this is just a rant dont listen to me#just really think i am possibly the worst writer ever#feels bad man#posting this on tunblr dot com cos if i rant irl ppl r just like 'no im sure ur great :)' UR WRONG#genuinley debating abt quitting my fic though cos its actually rly bad?#if youve read all my tags no you didnt i just need to get this out of my system cos im FRUSTRATED#writing is fun but honestly bums me out when i read it back cos all i can think abt is how bad it is.#deli speaks?#i dont even smoke
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does anyone know if there‘s a tag limit
#felix babbles#one time#i started trying#the post was in my drafts for a longgg while#it wasnt even related to the original post at some point#the tags didnt end up saving#so i never found out anything about a limit#maybe i hit it#or maybe my phone couldnt handle it#perhaps tumblr couldnt#reminds me of the post limit#which i know exists#but ive never hit it#ive also never tried#i think ash mentioned once that in the time hes been on here hes only hit it a few times#i have mutuals with separate accounts just for when they hit the limit#so i guess its not as hard to hit as i would’ve thought#i was supposed to be making k.andi stars#if you saw my last post#i just took a little break and now im here#also listening to the np.md soundtrack again so thats fun#didnt want to put it in the tag though hopefully that works to prevent it#can you image searching for a post in the np.md tag and this thing pops up#id be so confused#i would probably still read through the tags though#i wonder if tumblr will have a limit and not tell me#like when i try to post it itll say i have too many tags#i should tag one of my stmboards with as many tags as i can and then start rambling for anyone who clicks on it#but i wouldnt want someone to be searching and find my board over and over again#EDIT: THERE WERE MORE TAGS AFTER THIS AND THEY WERE CUT OFF
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this is the second half of the design page i made the first half is kinda. not bad but the original design looked a lot like Time for some reason? so. yeah.
this character is Yatir from a botw post canon ghostfic called ‘A Hero’s Spirit’ by (im nervous to tag but. yeah. yeah i will actually) @silvermistanimelover . i have no idea how accurate the design is because i didnt go back and reread the 150k word fic for the, like, 5th time just for that, when i do get around to that 5th reread (probably when i get brainrot between updates AGAIN <- this is a very common occurrence) i will probably redesign him again. yes i could’ve posted this in the linked universe server but i havent said ANYTHING there in literally over a year so i didn’t, and i’m way more confident here anyway . read the fic even if youre not into linked universe!! the first book is just botw postcanon with a few hints here and there? but yeah it’s insane some of the best worldbuilding ive seen and yatir is The Character Ever, actually. i’m working my way through all of silvermist’s fics because from the research i did do i discovered yatir shows up in a bunch of her fics and i am always up for new yatir content. :D
#pretty yatir rights i think. as a treat.#anyway read a hero’s spirit you literally WILL NOT regret it and at this point ive read most of silver’s loz stuff and i can recommend it al#all*#my post#art moment#hi silvermistanimelover#i anon’d you the other day but the silliness could not be contained#hope you dont mind the tag…. and sorry i didnt put this on the server…. if you do want to share this to the server do it..#i lurk there sometimes. i might see it#i might even show up#break my year of silence :D#no promises though we dont do that here#have a good day etc 👍#again no promises but i might do more art. for this fic. depends if i get the brainrot. (likely.)
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thinking about daredevil yellow again im not. going to make it Guys.
#static.soundz#crying screaming and hitting the ground. so good. it made me cry really bad#bc whenever i think about jack n matt it always makes me think of me n my dad for various reasons#when matt said i couldnt feel his heartbeat inside me anymore. no words.#i rambled about it on my main but dd is very much intwined in an interesting and special way with my own heavy grief about my dad#and matt was a very important character to me during that time of my life for the exact same reason.#it's why i take a lot of very heavy issue when things try to make it so his dad died in his childhood as opposed to college#bc a) think it takes away a lot of the important nature of their relationship and b) my own personal projection#bc all grief at any stage is highly personal and unique and particular#but it really does feel like. matt is really just starting to become an adult (depending whether he dies when matt's in under or post grad)#(bc i can never remember which) but he's not quite a mega established one. there's still that lingering of childhood#so even though he's grown. it just hurts in a very particular way. they saw you grow up. but they didnt really see you become an adult.#they did not see the person you're going to be. that you are. that you're becoming. it feels like such a bizarre unfair moment in time.#bc why now? why not when i was younger? why not when i was truly an adult adult who is expecting to lose you now?#why at this moment and no other time?#but thinking about matt going i wish i told my dad how much i loved him.#more than anything when he goes 'i love you dad. did you hear? i love you.'#it made me cry like a fucking bitch. honest to god tearing up when i type about it. it wrenches my heart it twists it and it makes me wanna#drop to my knees and just weep and weep and weep. they are everything to me.#i have intertwined a lot of matt's grief with mine in a way that makes him so so so important to me. because as stupid as it fucking sounds#that comic and him as a character are everything to me. so genuinely. they were a lifeline my freshman year#when i was so depressed all i could do was read comics. or listen to music#i could do nothing else. i did. clearly. i did work and assignments. but dd was everything to me alongside dm#im sorry i am being an actual like nutbag in my tags im sorry i just have a lot of feelings. this story is everything to me ever ok? ok.
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I feel like I have an unacceptably low level of control over my body. Like obviously there are some things that no one can control but I have like actual big problems because of it. I'm not really sure how to describe it but it's not just me being really clumsy (although that is an effect of it) or even the tics I have.
It's like I can feel my body moving wrong constantly but I can't correct it and it hurts and it sucks and I'm tired. I'm tired of hurting myself, making mistakes, breaking things, acting like it's fine when in reality I'm constantly afraid of how much any movement I make next could hurt me. I need to move to stay sane, I want to workout and get stronger and go on walks with my friends. I wanna get better. I can't even roll over in bed without pain and I'm just so tired.
#opossums chronic illness rants#seriously though this sucks so much and idk if theres anything i can do about it but i wanna try#its probably a combination of a lot of different things#like muscle weakness and instability from ehlers danlos syndrome both making each other worse#along with the poor proprioception from autism the dizzyness and weakness from the dysautonomia#the fact that i cant really see and even possibly inner ear damage (thats a new one that ive been suspecting more and more recently)#im not sure if the ear damage would be just from built up ear wax or maybe or something else#but im really not having a good time because it brings back bad memories#when i was a kid (8 i think) my mom was convinced i had compacted ear wax but given that she refused to ever#take me to doctors she decided she had to fix it herself#which led to a lot of excruciating trials where she stuck wires and que tips stripped of their cotton into my ears#and tried to scrape out whatever she could. even though i wanted her to stop because it hurt so bad i would start crying everytime#im also mildly suspicious that might be what damaged my ears in the first place... but i really have no way to know that at the moment#all i know is i dont want anyone looking in or putting things in my ears ever again#it doesnt even matter how much i trust them because now anything put in my ears hurt#like even when im just regularly cleaning them with que tips it hurts and im reminded that might not be normal#idk if you read these tags let me know if cleaning your ears is supposed to hurt i guess?#im honestly not sure. like i just always assumed i wasnt being gentle enough or something but it doesnt matter what i do#its not super painful either just a little bit so i ignored it because i assumed it was normal#since a lot of 'normal' things hurt for me. which i now know to my surprise isnt normal at all but i didnt figure that out#until i actually got people to believe that these things were hurting me#apparently its very hard to find anyom#who believes that opening bag clips or trying to lift a jug of milk are actually quite painful for me#they usually just say im way overreacting and when i was a kid i just believed them i guess
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I don't think I'll ever complain about having nothing to do again
#vent post#not actually a vent lmao but thats the tag#im so so so far beyond exhausted#i had three appointments this week. one per day. for the last three days#im genuinely shocked (and pleasantly surprised) that i made it through all three#honestly i almost didnt make it to yesterday's#and i dont think ive *ever* been so grateful to have utterly *nothing* of importance to do#should i be making phone calls today? yes#but will i? fuck no#i will spend today reading the Bardo Thodol (finally) and b@tjokes fic (thank the Force)#and if im lucky ill be able to do my language stuff too but the main priority is the reading#(though i cannot lie im so hyped for my dad to wake up so we can watch more remington steele omfg)#(theres a bunch of fics for that show that i want to read and i cannot because i have seen *three* episodes)#anyway i am so happy i got covid back in oct and learned that not only *can* i be happy doing hardly anything on a daily basis#i *prefer* doing hardly anything on a daily basis#and im *so* happy to be back to reading religious texts oh my goodness i cannot even begin to express my joy rn#once i finish the Bardo Thodol im planning to take another stab at the Mahabarat and i cannot even *begin* to express my excitement#i am ✨️rambling✨️#anyway#love yall!!#have a good timezone <3
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wish i didnt have 'playing soulslike games wrong' and 'misassigning all my skill points' syndrome aside from just having a general skill issue in those games, because theyre genuinely super fun games with interesting worlds but they're soooo frustrating when i play them
#watched revscarecrows dark souls 2 playthrough#and he just used ranged weapons half the time!!#it wouldnt even have occured to me to use a ranged weapon because i wasnt doing an archer build!!!!! i didnt know that was a valid option#im somehow so resistant to trying new weapons 'correctly' that i was using my starter weapon cane in bloodborne towards the end#because nothing else seemed to deal any damage!?#when i tried to replay sekiro it was so frustrating i cried and had to stop because it was just too much#i really wanna try lies of p but im scared it will just make me feel bad despite probably being a super cool fun game#the demo gave me vertigo because of the camera too so i might wanna check if you can disable the weird camera smoothing#every time i replay dark souls 1 i brickwall at ornstein and smough and need to overlevel to overcome them. probably because my levels went#into the wrong stats even though i try a bit different each time#jeady rambles#wow this was a long ramble. hi people who read unnecesseraly long tag ramblings. love you :3
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