#and even if i could i cant get the time off because it overlaps with a coworker's vacation

[perennial-bee]

another year, another long sigh as I watch people get excited about Revoice from afar

[vampire-connoisseur]

idk what arthurs canon fangs look like but in my heart I know that they are Terrible

just the most upsetting teeth situation you could have, visually. So many teeth. way more than he needs. all at strange angles and overlapping each other making just the worst lip support ever and forcing his expression into a distasteful frown at all times. some of the teeth are broken, all of them are razor sharp. if were getting extra quirky maybe some of the teeth split off asymmetrically even, I dont fucking know.

at any rate I love the idea that he, a vampire who places himself so far above the rest of his kind (refusing to drink blood directly, his whole. plot situation) should have the most inhuman and animalistic features.

I just. im feeling super destructive vampires these days. whose anatomy or nature prevents them from taking sexy little sips because they cant keep from tearing into people and doing irreparable damage every time they feed. it's just. cool :]

[mysteryanimator]

Bro your opinions on characters are so well put together I wanted to ask if you think if Olrox’s lover and Richters mom could be considered “haunting the narrative” type characters I get not all dead characters are but I feel like Nocturne would barely be a story if it weren’t for them 😭

OMG BAHAHA TYTY, I just really enjoy the nuances and character depth Nocturne has, and my gulity pass time is to do research and deep dives, then tucking them away in my brain. It really helps me to inform art I make in general coz I love putting in that same nuance visually.

Again thoughts are my own and it’s me being silly and hyperfixating ✋😔

Steering to your question, 100% the death of these characters are haunting the narrative and they both overlap each other because the death of Olrox’s lover led to the death of Julia. Particularly they haunt Olrox and Richter, aka our main protagonist and main antagonist. Both their deaths inform the choices and paths they take after the fact, which I’ll keep iterating coz it’s fun: there is always a choice. Massive theme is choicesssss. Also the consequences of your choices.

Like the whole of Nocturne could have not been the way it ended up without their deaths LOL. The narrative would’ve been wayyy different if even ONE of them were alive. Butterfly effect I think you could put it as?

Since Richter was a child when Julia died, it obviously had a massive impact on him growing up and in turn literally prevented him from doing magic until late in season 1. Nocturne Richter can’t be Nocturne Richter we know today without Julia dying. While he still grew up in a loving space that challenged him to be a strong fighter, he literally still gets haunted while dozing off. The mere echo of Olrox’s voice causes him to spiral.

Meanwhile, Olrox is STILL deeply affected by his lover’s death. I can only presume Olrox merely acts the way he does now after Julia killed his lover, merely due to my observations in Ep 6, where he talks about his lover which is a-lot more different to how he’s been presented prior to that. Was Olrox genuinely that much softer and open previously before everything happened? My thoughts are yes. While I think back then he still was this charismatic witty character is now, I’d like to think he also used to be a lot more softer and open until he lost the reason to 🥲

Which by the way, Julia and Olrox’s lover technically manifests themselves again, if that makes sense? Hopefully? I have a point with this and I hope I can get this out with the way it’s structured in my brain. Richter having his powers back, along with Juste now coming into the fray, an older familia Belmont.

Olrox, falling for a man who “burns with such passion” and “fought with the revolutionaries; Mizrak. (Mystery unable to not bring up Mizrak again whoops). As you can tell, Julia and Olrox’s lover literally even redirect them back to the where they were before. If that makes sense??

Regardless, the death of Julia and the death of Olrox’s lover is crucial to Nocturne’s story and hover above our characters. Every choice, every thought, every path they take, is haunted by their deaths.

Tyyy for the ask, cant believe this page is slowly but surely also turning into art with a side of “people allowing Mystery to ramble about their favourite show”. Can’t wait for Geeked Week so I can break down any sneak peek, frame by frame, which funnily falls on my birthday LOL

[mariatesstruther]

I honestly don't get why Maria was so anti-Joel oh he's a horrible person he's done horrible things he can't be around us, but accepted Tommy fully to the point he's the father of her child when both did the same things, ran with the same people and all of that.

I mean I love the character, but that confuses the hell out of me. Why's Tommy accepted but Joel damned?

okay, so… this response took me like half hour to write. my wrists hurt, my jaw is clenched, my brain is hot. i love u anon thank u very much for this chance to vent about just why my girl maria has been so misunderstood. let’s go

i personally think this is where many people fundamentally misunderstand maria’s perception of joel. she’s not cautious of him primarily because of tommy or anything tommy has said, in my personal opinion—she’s cautious of him for and because of ellie

ive said this on my blog a few times and i think so have @steeb-stn and @clickergossip (and maybe @liveandletcry23 and @bumblepony i have a shit memory so tagging just in case) so im gonna tag them to credit their words and ideas about maria as well, but the FIRST time maria sees joel, he’s with this rando twelve year old girl who he is seemingly so protective over that she cant even be sniffed by dogs who are just trying to detect infection, which would be good for ANYBODY. that’s his first strike for untrustworthyness, because why the fuck wouldn’t he let this girl be tested???—we know why, of course, but maria doesnt. shes working on the very limited info about joel/ellie’s relationship that she has from just her own observations, and i think we need to remember that as we go through analyzing why she moves how she moves

shes knows from tommy at this point is that joel had a daughter, but it is definitely not this little girl. so why the fuck are they so close. what have they gone through. are they okay. is ellie okay. is their relationship safe for her??? THAT’s what she’s thinking about, in my opinion, while shes staring joel down at that dinner table. she’s reasonbly suspicious, and i can’t blame her for it.

i had to cut this it’s literally maybe my longest post ever so. heres the cut

ALSO, it’s not like she’s a straight up bitch to joel like some of y’all seem to make it out to be??? she never says or implies that “they can’t be around” or anything like that. she offers them clothes and food and supplies. she sets them up in a house. before dinner, she gives them a personal tour (which, to be fair, she did because she was probably trying to keep an eye on them and figure out more about whether or not ellie is safe, but who wouldnt???? i know tess would! and yall would love her for it!). tommy literally says to joel before they leave that there will always be a place for him and ellie in jackson—you cannot tell me you believe he said so without already have maria’s green light for joel and ellie to stay

ALSO, i wanna consider some other things that i haven’t seen many ppl talk about. on that walk she takes with tommy and joel and ellie, she makes it sound like tommy has been with them for at least years AND she maintains the confidence to say that residents in jackson stay off the radio—i could totally be wrong, but it seems to me from the look tommy and joel share right after that it’s obvious tommy has been talking to joel BEHIND MARIA’S BACK???? did no one else catch that??? am i misinterpreting big time??? id assume because theyre married and from the way tommy talks about jackson that he’s been in jackson for at least 3 years maybe, and we know that he only stopped radioing joel a couple months before the show’s main plotline starts, so timeline wise there had to be some overlap of tommy still radioing joel from/around jackson. idk if anyone of my mutuals has thoughts on this but i personally think it’s important to point out, because it establishes that maria likely doesn’t know or think tommy and joel kept in contact, at least not as recently as up to some months ago. she knows that tommy and joel are close, but at the same time, she doesn’t think tommy really knows or talks to joel anymore, either. so how is she supposed to extend him any trust as tommy’s brother????? how and why would she give this man any benefit of the doubt???? it wouldn’t make any sense. she’s more practical and discerning than she is naive and kind, and y’all can think what y’al want about that but i love her for it. it’s very necessary for a woman like her to be the way she is

okay, so back to your question. back to why joel is “damned” and tommy is “accepted.” let’s talk about joel for a sec

y’all like to babygirl and idolize the absolute fuck out of this man

we know that not only was he a smuggler, but he killed and tricked and took advantage of people, shamelessly and brutally. we know that tommy did so too. maria knows that tommy has done the same things. maria also knows that tommy left that life because he couldnt do it anymore, and joel continued because he could

point blank period!!!!! yall can argue with me all u want but tommy left that murder life and joel did not. im not saying this makes either brother good or bad or better than the other, i love joel sm and i think both of them have an undisputed capability to do unspeakable things in order to survive. but tommy got to a point where he hit a limit, whereas joel doesn’t seem to have one. this is at least my personal interpretation of their conversations in the game and the show

tommy DID join the fireflies, which we all know now is not any fucking better than whatever the fuck joel was doing—the difference is the reasoning, though, and considering tlou is all about reasoning and the why, we need to consider the reasoning behind tommy’s decision: he wanted to do something better, something good, something he thought had a purpose. we all know now that the fireflies are bullshit, their purpose is bullshit, and they’re willingness to kill a child for the sake of the “cure” is it’s own entire paradox of bullshit. but they were a rebel organization fighting fedra, who fucking suck, and probably had somewhat of a better reputation back when tommy was interested in joining—or maybe they didn’t, to be fair, i don’t know! the point is, tommy went to them seeking some sort of better purpose, some type of redeption; in joel’s own fucking words, “tommy’s what we used to call a joiner. had dreams of becoming a hero... wants to save the world.”

tommy is idealistic. he’s romantic. he’s optimistic, almost to the point of being fucking naive. thats why he enlisted in the army, thats why he enlisted in the fireflies—he wanted to feel good about himself and the world he was living in. he needed it to have some light at the end of the tunnel for all the bullshit to make sense. and yeah, he was wrong both times in joining up. we know that, joel knew that while it was happening, and tommy knows that in retrospect, too. i think jackson is the first place he really found true, real purpose—not the kind that is propagandized to you and goes up in smoke, but the kind that is well and truly earned. that’s why he is so loyal to jackson and to maria—they finally gave him was he desperately spent his life searching for

and im just saying, from maria’s perspective, she’s someone who lives for purpose. she lives for jackson and for it’s people and for it’s future, and she has to maintain some sense of idealism in the face of all that fucking ugliness to be able to mentally live im and run a place like jackson, to believe that it’ll work. i think that idealism she has, she sees reflected in tommy’s desperation to be a better person who’s fighting for a better life. she sees that need for redemption and goodness in him, that need for things to be fucking worth it, and hears she hears it in his story. she gets to relate to him with this in a way she doesnt GET TO RELATE with joel YET (we STILL HAVE TIME PEOPLE. WE HOLDIN OUT STRONG FOR THE JOEL AND MARIA BEST FRIEND AGENDA)

but to continue, THEN maria spends YEARS with tommy, getting to know him, getting to know his guilt. just like tess with joel, she’s sees the worst and the best of him and gets to fall in love with all of it. so of course there’s gonna be a bit of a bias and a blindspot, towards him—just like any of are other characters have weak spots for the people THEY fucking love

so that’s i guess why i think tommy is “accepted” by her, i guess, and there’s honestly way more them and their romance that i could make a whole separate post about but i’ll leave it there for now. back to joel and why he’s “damned,” which i don’t think he is

again, from what maria knows, he made an active CHOICE to stay in the lifestyle of smuggling and murdering and QZ bullshit, even after tommy chose to leave—and idk what y’all imagine joel and tess to be doing in those many years on their own, but it’s not fuckin picking flowers, for me. they’re dangerous, dangerous people—more dangerous that fedra, and more dangerous than the fireflies, if we’re being fucking real about it. and we LOVE tess and joel for this, or at least i do

but jackson is not a place where people get by with smuggling or backstreet deals or threats. it’s not supposed to be that place. we all LOVE jackson in fics and hcs and aus because it’s literally a place where joel and ellie finally get to breathe and not worry about their safety/survival first. and you know who keeps jackson that way????? MARIA. AND HE BEING FUCKING PICKING ABOUT WHO JACKSON LETS THE FUCK INSIDE

so yall just expect her to by YIPPY SKIPPY when joel, THE JOEL THE SUPER SMUGGLER MURDER COWBOY, strolls into town????? WITHOUT TESS, WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE MORE PERSONABLE AND REASONABLE ONE???? what????? she’d be crazy not to at least try to be a little intimidating, to make it clear to joel that he will not get away with any of that qz bullshit here. she’d be naive not to, and maria is anything but naive

and i know most people don’t like her for that “a bad reputation doesn’t mean you’re bad” “not always, at least” line, but i actually think it really fits so well in establishing that she’s not afraid of joel, not afraid of challenging him or making him own up to things he’s done. it’s just so so cool to me, i just can’t hate her for that????? she’s establishing with him that she knows what tommy knows about his time in the QZ, and she’s letting him know if that joel shows up here in jackson, there will be fucking problems for him. which i think is a completely fair warning????

so let’s continue. let’s talk about The Scene, the one with her and ellie, the one with the “tommy was following joel” line. ONE thing i’d like to point out about this scene—MARIA IS THE ONE TO TELL ELLIE ABOUT SARAH, NOT JOEL. AND THAT IS A BIG BIG BIG REASON FOR WHY SHE WARNS ELLIE NOT TO TRUST JOEL COMPLETELY

we know what joel and ellie have gone through, at this point, but maria has barely any idea. she sees that ellie has this fierce protectiveness and lots of secrets when it comes to her and joel, which like—can we all be fucking objective here for a second. this can SO easily and SO reasonably be interpreted as something sketchy going on between joel and ellie that maria should be concerned about.

(slight tw about older men-younger woman relationships bc im gonna be personal for a sec, its quick) we don’t know maria’s past or what she has seen or been through, but personally as someone who has been in a situation where an older man has taken advantage of my naivety in the past, i am now extremely hyper vigilant when it comes to young girls around older men in my personal life today. ellie and joel’s situation and how it looks would raise MJAOR red flags for me personally, if i was in maria’s position. that’s just a personal perspective have that really affects the way i view this scene (end tw)

and so maria finds out that joel has kept the fact that HE HAD A WHOLE ASS DAUGHTER from ellie?????? WOULD THAT NOT BE SUS AT ALL TO YALL???? i mean we know why joel doesn’t tell ellie, as gameplayers and watchers of the show, but again. maria is operating on the info she has right in front of her, which is that joel has been omitting maybe the biggest fact of his life from this young girl who is willing to defend and trust him with her entire life, even after she finds out she’s being lied to. this is alarming

so at this point, she’s questioning joel’s intentions with ellie, and in my opinion, it’s not at all unreasonable for her to do so. she then continues to press, because the red flags are flying and she wants ellie to be crystal clear on the kind of man she’s traveling with (“there are CLEARLY things you don’t know about joel” — “so then you understand my concerns”)

AND THEN ELLIE. BLESSED SMART AMAZING ELLIE COMES IN WITH THE DEFENSE—“and tommy did it too, are you worried about him?”—which like, i love this line. i love this moment. i think because i go so hard for maria a lot of y’all think i’m blind to when ellie is making points, but i 100% cheered her on when i first watched this scene, like i’m sure y’all did—because it’s true! it’s fair! if maria is going to judge joel for those things, she needs to extend the same judgement to tommy

the thing is, it’s still fucking true that, as i said earlier, tommy left that life. both the smuggling, and the fireflies—he chose to stop, while joel didn’t—he was smuggling literally up until the day him and tess found ellie, so. there’s that. she continues to judge joel and not tommy because she knows for sure that tommy has changed. she doesn’t know joel enough yet to see that he has changed, too

so then, the dreaded line: “tommy was following joel.” let’s talk about it.

i don’t love this line either, tbh! i think it’s a weak defense on maria’s part, and a weak line on the tlou hbo writers part—probably my least favorite line of maria’s overall. but i do get why she says it, and i kind of think i get the purpose??? i think????

it reminds me a lot of joel’s line, earlier, about tommy being a “joiner,” and i think it’s funny that, as opposite as joel and maria like to think they both are to each other, the way they describe tommy is pretty much the same. tommy is a “joiner” to joel and a “follower” to maria, and in all respects they both love and hate him for it. idk where i’m going with that exactly, just something interesting to think about in terms of the joel and maria best friend agenda

but i also think this line get’s taken out of context a lot, because the full line is “tommy was following joel, the way you are now.” maria says this line to lead into her main point, the really fucking important line in this scene: “be careful who you put your faith in. the only ones who can betray us, are the one’s we trust.”

WHICH IS TRUE. IT IS THE POINT. AND WHEN JOEL LIES TO ELLIE, HIDES SOMETHING FROM HER YET AGAIN at the end of the season/game, IT BECOMES A THEMATIC CLIMAX POINT THAT CONNECTS BOTH OF THE GAMES

maria is not saying this to “damn” joel—and i personally don’t think she is “damning” joel in the way you imply here, as there’s definitely potential for them to develop a relationship in s2 once she has more information about the truth of how he thinks of ellie. i think she’s warning ellie not to trust joel, because she doesn’t trust joel, at the end of the fucking day—and that’s about it. she trusts tommy in a way that she can’t quite trust joel yet, and why would she, at this point? it would make no sense for her to

so y’all can blame her and hate her for her distrust all you guys want (btw not necessarily talking to you, anon, ive just gotten some very nasty asks about maria from others so im talking to them rn!!!!!!!), but i’m sorry—you can’t tell me that it doesn’t at least make sense. she’s MARIA. she’s MADE OF SENSE

[bxngthedoldrums]

a petekey reading of so much (for) stardust

aka you knew i'd do this aka i didnt take four literature classes in college for nothing aka make sure your tinfoil hat is SECURED to your noggin aka dear lord forgive me for committing sins of petekey in the year of 2023

look. i have to do this or i don't deserve this blog. amen

~ love from the other side

okay. yea, immediately the "you were the sunshine of my lifetime" thing is sort of sus, because we all know pete wentz and anytime sun or summer is involved it's Something. this is solidified in "summer falling through our fingers again" in verse 2, but it's interesting that he uses "ours" in this lyric bc i feel like recently most of pete's summer lyrics have been pretty self-inflicted. it's impossible to not note the whole "inscribed like stone and faded by the rain" in the bridge v. "the tombstones were waiting" line in bang the doldrums. i shant even elaborate u can pick up what i'm laying down!

~ heartbreak feels so good

i think this song is pretty light on petekey imagery but "light from a screen of messages unsent" kinda reminds me of "some nights it gets so bad i almost pick up the phone" in ginasfs but i could be reaching for Sure. let's be real that's all i do

~ hold me like a grudge

honestly i think this is one of the worst petekey offenders on the album. this one had me gawking at my screen as i read the lyrics. "thaw out my freezer burn feelings for twenty summers" ??? be SERIOUS pete... "part-time soulmate, full-time problem" yeah I GET IT I GET IT !!! the whole thing reeks of 2005 summertime fling

~ fake out

"do you laugh about me whenever i leave?" bonkers ass line,,this reminds me of pete's lj writing in those years after 2005,,,"my mood board is just pictures of you, but i'm not sad anymore" YEAH. this is SO pete holy fuck. that classic wentz obsession,,"we did for futures that never came and for pasts that we're never gonna change" this line's got me on the fuckin FLOOR. also classic pete!!! his perchance for nostalgia is just insane and he really feels it huh

~ heaven, iowa

i dont even know how to get into this one. "kiss my cheek, baby, please/would you read my eulogy?" SICK and TWISTED evil!!! evil!!! "i will never ask you for anything except to dream sweet of me" jesus h christ the melancholy is off the charts but holy fuck this song is so,,,tender? i dont know wht to say but i know this was written w summer of love intention. i know this in my heart. "scar-crossed lovers, forever" OKAY I KNOW !!! this song is DEVASTATING verse 2 is fucked UP and the bridge is too!!! "closed my eyes inside your darkness and found your glow"???? i cantr og on

~ so good right now

i can't really discern any particularly petekey lyrics in this one right away but the whole "i cut myself down to be whatever you need me to be" is pretty fucking wild

~ i am my own muse

there's some really sad lyrics in this one ab the whole future-not-going-as-planned thing that comes up so frequently in pete's writing but honestly the whole "let's twist the knife again, twist the knife again like we did last summer" thing made my head explode. every lover's got a lil dagger in their hands!!!

~ flu game

im not gonna sit here and type out ths whole fucking song but oh my GOD bro. this song to me is a really nice callback to pete's older style of lyricism but that comes with the self-deprecation and all the other really sad shit. it's beautiful! it's horrible! i love it!!! its about mikey i cant even pul out a few lyrics just LISTEN

~ baby annihilation

another fucked up one that literally anyone else in fob should have vetoed but OKAY?? "time is luck and i wish ours overlapped more or for longer" MAN SHUT UP. "self sabotage at best, under your spell/but you know what they say, if you want a job done right, you gotta do it yourself" ..........dude. if you're like me and you've poured over pete's oooold lj posts from the mid 2000s you already get it, but if you havent,,,go do it and get back to me bc this is TOO MUHC im unwell. "what is there between us if not a little annihilation?" i think i hauve covid

~ the kintsugi kid (ten years)

this song is really fucking sad actually. there's so much fear of being forgotten on this album and it's showcased really beautifully in this song,,,mayhaps not the most obviously petekey song but god damn

~ what a time to be alive

this song's about covid and quarantine n it's pretty easy on the whole suffering from a fling in 2005 thing! good job pete and fob

~ so much (for) stardust

this song is kinda suspicious but there's very few lines that really solidify it as a petekey song,,, altho "i think i've been going through it, and ive been putting your name through it" is a really interesting lyric. and OF COURSE, "in another life, you were my babe/in another life, you were the sunshine of my lifetime" happy xmas war is over

[makeitlookdecent]

somethin's not right...

i did it!! anyway the song i used for inspiration for this piece is "bugging!" by brakence. tbh i've been thinking of this au on and off for a bit, but that night when the full album of hypochondriac dropped and i listened to it everything fit!! it all made sense!! and i liked it so so much!! i could not focus for days/weeks when i put it all together, i was soooo excited!!! i made a thing!!!

its a shame im no good at animating (i could learn but i wanna be good. right now.) because in my head i thought of like, cool pv's for each song in that album. it was soooo cool!!!!

--

anyway in this first part our "Sig" demon is staying at the temple his benefactor, "Ms. Goddess" works at. while it's lovely staying there with her, (even tho the other people of the temple keep a good distance from him, for reasons he's not quite sure of) as time passes he cant help but feel like something, everything is wrong. his memories are fuzzy and he's not sure how he even got there, and it feels like something is calling for him beyond the temple grounds.

At first he ignores it because it seems like no big deal, but he keeps waking up in places he doesnt remember falling asleep in, and he starts seeing someone that he swears he knows from somewhere. but it seems like no one else sees that person. its not long before he starts seeing places he doesnt remember going to, overlapping with the reality that he's living. its getting real disorientating. everything is fuzzy, nothing feels real anymore but that damn calling sensation.

He also starts to notice the weird things "Ms. Goddess" does and tells him, that contradict with what he thinks he knows about the world and himself.

[blackvahana]

Talking on what astral sex is like for me because this is my blog and I get to choose the subject

For comparison, to further illustrate the differences between physical and astral sex, I'll detail first what physical sex is like for me.

Physical sex? Honestly one of the worst activities. The theme of physical sex is a complete lack of communication and distance and non-overlap of bodies. Physical bodies are always miles apart compared to astral ones, firstly, but in regards to communication its more complex. Even with communication through speaking, phys. sex is, as I compared it to last night and will do so again, like as if my partner was put in a huge metal box with no way for sound to escape nor light to escape or get in. On the box is a bunch of 30 odd buttons, one of which will work at any given time to give them pleasure, a few will actively hurt, another few will turn them off, and most of them wont do much of anything. I have no way of understanding when I press the buttons what exactly is going on in the mind of the partner, there's just. no understanding

I mean, i'll be clear, I personally have not had sex physically but spirits in my body have and... I've had the opportunity to see through some of the memories as discussed with the most recent one - I dont have access to most of what happened, but I have glimpses from when certain parts were recalled... i have a vague understanding of memories, and it really reinforces the issues I have with physical things in general but especially sex, which is that theres no communication. You could tell me exactly where to put something at what exact speed and what angle and I will still have no fucking clue what to do because.... 90% of my senses are cut off. Physical sex compared to astral sex is telegrams compared to video calls.

Its alienating, first and chiefly because of the communication issues, but also bodies never overlap here. They come close to touching and their fields cause sensation in the other, but theres always miles between both the mind and the body of anyone involved. Any time anything romantic or sexual has been involved around me... I dont like it, because its alien in those ways. Its like sailing on a distant deep sea in the middle of the night and a large wave comes crashing in from some direction - no person, no boat, but sent by a boat I cant see, with an intent I cant see, to me in a way Im supposed to know how to respond and so so immediately... If I sat and tried to dissect it for a few minutes I might be able to have a suggestoin of what it meant and how to return it, but, no, thats not how physical sex works

Physical sex is like walking into a heated multiperson debate in a foreign language you know a few words of, while you can barely hear and are groggy from half-waking from a nap... if I had time to stop and maybe read the discussions I could probably get some form of understanding of what was being discussed - at least the topic - but I cant partake in the debate because I cannot keep up, i have no information, I have no idea whose side Im on, i have no idea whats been said already, why we're debating, etc. Total lack of information.

Astral sex though?

Its worth noting that I am pretty much exclusively a Sub bottom, and I capitalise Sub because for me is divine Submission, a role that is of equal importance and equal power though in different ways to the Dominant. That is to say, oh yeah, pan-plane Im useless at toppingI have a style! but thats the thing - what I do is absolutely orchestrating, absolutely ruling, and penetrative by nature.

Astral sex enables both extensive two-way communication - in comparison to physical sex I finally have not just sight and hearing of my partner but all other senses too, finally back, finally able to hear and communicate. I have access to their body proper, not just bodies as in types of bodies like the "physical" astral body and such but their energetic ones and so on. I am inside them, meeting, talking, with them at all times.

I can hear and read extensive information - normal amount of information, I'd love more, but compared to the pure silence of the physical plane it's sadly extensive. Its almost like a 3D map of their mind and body, where information is felt in layers and flow can be witnessed, their changes, their thoughts, their intentions, and so on are not necessarily laid bare but felt. Like how you can hear not just someones pleasure in their noises but their state of mind and such too, their energy speaks volumes about their current state. For example:

Internal emotions: I can see their eagerness regarding not just sex but their own individual actions, flow and "colours" of the soul changing as they move from confidence to shakiness to mindless repetition to animalistic consciousness to... whatever it is. I see intentions on time spent - how long they want to be doing this for - towards me regarding how they want me and why they want me, towards sex in general whether they want it more than anything or they'd kinda rather be sitting watching videos with me, motions and actions they're drawn to and why they're drawn. I can see them dipping into trauma, where things sting or hurt mentally, when their mind drifts into other things that have happened in the past... or if they're turned on and ready to go but it's a reaction to negative emotions fuelling them... I can see what angle this is being approached with.

What's needed: I can see pleasure - waves/ebbs and flows, energy intensity, mental pleasure, fantasising pleasure in how physically present or internally present their attention is, etc. I also can see in real-time what my actions do to the body, whether that's surprise in the mind but arousal in specific places, or mental arousal but physical pain, etc. I can also taste the type of pleasure coming from them, what colours exuding from them say about why theyre here, what they want from me. Theres so, so many types of pleasure, arousal, horniness, attraction, and so on even in the same session

Thats not all though, its not all just reading. I mentioned that my role as Sub bottom is penetrative. As a spirit of fertility and sex - or rather this is part of what i label as that - i have a hold over pleasure itself in the bodies of others. First of all, the most obvious penetration: I can thread my energy literally through parts of their body, stimulating whatever I want whether its literally threading through genitals, or using energy to massage, or more "abstract" (at least on the physical plane) with stimulating the aspects of someone themselves and so on. Sky sex is a thing! The sky may not have any genitalia, but exploiting the All Is Consciousnes And All Is Translations, theres ways to stimulate (whats translated in animals as sexual pleasure) in aspects themselves.

Second, less obvious: Again with possessing pleasure, pleasure itself including the orgasm can be possessed, I use it as a body. I make it swell, I can move it to various places. One of my favourite - in the way of "im mentally more neutral actually, this is what I am, like 'breathing' when cresting from underwater would be one of my favourite things because its part of my biology - things to do is control of the orgasm in the way of threading it through higher and higher expressions. Effectively, like the orgasm is the peak of pleasure, the orgasm gains its own peaks, new stages, new feelings of more and more intense orgasms. This splits into two things - or rather is one split, I guess. First side is this: rising orgasms sometimes culminating in something thats like, again, breathing for me, which is sending people into other places whether thats other planes or mental realities or anything else tied to states of consciousness (or which states of consciousness are tied to). The other side can involve multiple orgasms but often doesnt because the more orgasms I include the more the person can no longer communicate and uh. constant communication, in case you cant tell, is something I tend to need. but involves visions and journeying, throwing people into psychedelic journeys in the way sacred plants do, which inherently is a state of consciousness thats akin to dreaming in that it involves the person being thrown into a state they dont really have control over.

This last one I have a habit of... not doing with myself, specifically in doing it to others i throw the doors open to myself, a messenger, a psychedelic drug, a spirit of Madness and revelation... but with sex I tend to just have the door open to myself and use it not so much as divining but a time where I walk into my own self as im generally fucked/pleasured and, you know, walk around. Its specifically sacred plant journeys, its altered states and possessing visions, but it arises as the self in the pleasure, the aspect of Sex, my own physiology as a spirit of pleasure itself

Theres also a lot to be said about various forms had in sex. Im ultimately what others would label a shape shifter though it's not a species thing, rarely staying in one form and why would I - except recently where Ive stayed for very long stretches of time as (form: )Vahana and whatever that entails. I dont particularly care to go into detail about the usual setup Vahana has? Genitalia and the sensations of extremities like my tentacles do come into play and do feel different to human bodies, but, less that I care about intimacy of details and more its more accurate to just say: body and form absolutely dictate the feelings/sensations. Like anal sex feels different to vaginal sex, and both feel different to (giving) oral sex, various bodies and forms, depending on what theyre manifestations of, can vary in sensation and levels of pleasure

There's also many different mental forms one can take too. In a world where regression to past selves is encompassing mentally and physically/form-wise, various transformations and mixes and matches of such are absolutely a factor. Not only can individual body parts be shapeshifted, but parts of the mind too. This is getting close to being off topic for what it's like for me though, as much as we do that that's just more fact spitting than anything

[lavenoon]

AU AU AU random tidbits

Some bastard Dawn, sweet Moon interactions, and general characterization thoughts. Also the realization that the reverse AU is just the pining AU

Y/N thinking they're the suave one with Moon and taking him out on a date to some climbing park, and it's the first time he slips up - and Y/N just ends up both in awe and flustered when he's suddenly just that tad more conversational, and smooth about it. Thought they could show off, and he just keeps up so easily, and then they get giddy - they don't get this with Dawn since they barely parkour nowadays for work, but here's someone who can just keep up with them and actually make it a challenge - they don't even realize how strange it is that Moon is that good, or suddenly acts out of character, because their cover slips, too (and Moon of course also doesn't realize - the familiarity of the situation combined with the familiarity of the person, and they overlap and cover any inconsistencies. Like they just go. I know this person. I know parkour. Means I know all of this, and it's normal! While they completely miss the fact that it isn't supposed to be normal)

re: Dawn calls Robin "little thief" - it's exacerbated by the fact that they may pickpocket a lot while undercover, being the one to sneakily grab wallets or phones or whatever for the info. Night shift/ canon Robin doesn't interact with people much, any time Dusk and them run into someone, it's basically unwanted trouble. But Day shift Robin has to really mingle, and steal right from under people's noses. They are good at it, but they don't quite enjoy the inflection with which Dawn says it. He definitely gets a little line about them stealing his metaphorical heart post-reveal.

Reverse Y/N doesn't wear the mask usually during missions - that's just a tad too obvious for undercover work

Sun and Moon don't realize in this case because there's even more of a mental distance between the guarded but hotheaded rival and the open and earnest neighbor - and still no memory comparisons. Again much luck, but it wouldn't be interesting if they weren't idiots this time around

Prompted by @lulu-lullabies: Robin calls Dawn "Sunshine", with SO much passive aggression in there, but the sweetest smile. It's their favorite nickname, ESPECIALLY when faking a relationship for a cover because he really cant do anything then

Rando, delighted: "Oh, like the song! You are my Sunshine! How sweet"

Robin, choking on blood: "Yeah that exactly"

Undercover Dawn also lays on thick in response. Sweetheart darling my love (if he's feeling particularly daring) and enjoys the bittersweetness of Robin looking like they bit a lemon and trying to cover it. He's a bastard he gets to pine and think its unrequited

Whenever they do end up blushing however, it gives him hope - which is part of the reason why he does aim to fluster them so much <3

Sad thought of rival Dawn learning quickly that he has to mask his concern somehow and trick Robin into self care because they're unreasonably suspicious of anything genuine from his side

Not AU AU AU specific, these boys are still caretakers at the core. They have their jobs and are good at that, but with Y/N they just. They care, so they have the urge to take care. In all iterations - we've seen it in canon Moon, fretting after they got hurt, same as reverse Dawn - the gift baskets are genuine, and they each throw in a little taunt as a cover because they can't have their little rival catch on.

Sun and reverse Moon have it easier (though Moon makes it harder on himself), because they're the friendly neighbor, and neighbors care about each other, right? That's - that's normal. They're all stupid and Y/N doesn't know it's out of the norm because they're just as weird about it (after all, they're the landlord desperately trying to befriend their tenant). So as neighbors Sun and Moon get to talk, and reassure, and care (and provide) in all the ways that are out of reach for their respective reversed versions, and Y/N, used to living alone and being socially isolated due to their job, doesn't realize that's not quite how it usually works. It works for them <3

Now forget everything I just wrote for a bit to enjoy the next bit of Dawn being a scary bastard:

Hilarious as outsider but probably somewhat terrifying for Robin in the moment (and also SO telling on myself here): pretty early in the rivalry, after a solo mission that required parkour, they encounter Dawn, and think "hey, I have a height advantage for once" and just. Think they're so funny for taunting him from like a couple yards above him. Not too far - they don't need to yell, don't make a scene. Dawn isn't amused at all. But he just grins, and squints in that way that should (and in the future will) tell Robin that they fucked up, and just takes a pair of gloves out of his pocket. They kind of snort about that, get halfway into another jab, but then oh no what is he doing

Because loafers and suit be damned, he doesn't have to climb very high, and Robin is just so startled they barely start to scramble away before he grabs them by the ankle and pulls them back, closer to the edge. Neither of them is dangling anywhere of course, but whatever ledge they're on offers enough space for him to just loom over them as they're flat on their back, looking like a deer in the headlights, with his legs just tightly flanking them, not quite pinning but close enough, and both hands on either side of their head. The most wicked grin as he switches to the sharp teeth, and while Robin really doesn't dare look away from his face, they can hear the soft scraping of his fingers on the concrete

"Well, would you look at that - I've caught a little thief. Anything to say for yourself?"

Robin kind of chuckles, but they're shaken up and it carries in their tone

"I thought you'd recite my Miranda rights."

He just leans closer, and they click their mouth shut with a click. It's still bright out, but he's big enough and close enough to keep them in his shadow

"If we were law enforcement, sweetheart, perhaps I would have. Don't think you have the high ground - I'll catch you, wherever you are."

And just like that, like nothing happened, he leans back again, gets up, steps away, and jumps back down to the ground.

Robin isn't quite so daring yet - crawls kinda closer to the edge to look at him, but definitely stays out of reach for now. He catches them staring, and smiles up at them, teeth back to normal and for everyone just looking on completely polite

"Next time you try something like this, you'll be the one to pay for the dry cleaning. Looking forward to tomorrow's mission."

And then he forever regrets it because from then on Robin is (un)reasonably wary of him. Fucked around and found out, both of them

st. stargazing date with reverse Moon.

Driving out of the city to see some actual stars, sharing a blanket even tho he doesn't need it, because it's comfortable and neither mention it, anyway - Y/N excitedly taking his hand and pointing with the other as they recognize the big dipper or something, and he softly starts telling them about the night sky, about which constellations are visible when, and how it's supposed to look, and maybe, in a moment when they're distracted, he tacks on the mutter that he'd like to take them some day, see the real stars

Everyone say thank you Lulu (again) for making this better: They get the classic "accidentally gets close enough (theoretically) for a kiss" but Moon's a shy idiot and Y/N is an oblivious idiot and.

He's in nightvision mode, and Y/N pauses for a moment, then cups his face - just a little awkward, maybe, but they make do and just absolutely destroy him by saying "Your eyes are kind of the color of an aurora borealis. Wanna go compare one day?"

They just laugh softly and let go after a moment, and he has no idea if they meant it, but stars how he hopes (and dreads) that they did

[crunchchute]

HELP WANTED 2 SPOILERS

thinking about how small his hands are in these parts (sc from dawkos vid) its kinda. you know. being normal

also when his hand reached from the charging pod i first thought its just a human hand fhfhgh the lighting and everything made the stitching invisible and previously i just thought of him as huge with the biggest hands ever but seeing those dainty ones im like huhhhh no way thats him

shitty screenshot for comparison (too lazy to take more this one is old) you cant see much but if you know what blob youre looking at, your VR hands are like half the size of his

man and i still dont know how i feel about this. i wanted to see glitch again, but i was completely fine with not seeing him. like i fully believed that he Wont be in HW2, i even tweeted that before the game dropped. and IF he was to show up, then i expected a completely different form or just tiny hints (like the locked files for example, i liked that), but with what we got im just confused!! what is this lore here!! why is he back like this! what!! whos driving the plane!!

and people are already making more guesses about whos the player, cassie would mean this is post ruin and idk if that makes sense (was there ruined chica? i havent played thru everything yet and only know of SB chica) i dont know. thats a mystery. i also think its not quite it because of the ending and how we didnt see the pizzasim like this in ruin, did we? i gen dont remember and i watched ruin gameplays like 83 times atp

some saying its gregory, i dont think so. why wouldnt roxy remember him and such... at least its not just gregory

vanessa again? i dont know, that was my guess but honestly have no idea. perhaps its set during pre ruin and while she and gregory were setting up the mxes system? like that is my guess here, nothing else makes sense to me

cassies dad. i dont know. not enough proof for me? but the more i think about it the less im against it (with her speaking about him in past tense, if this was his demise, that would sort of make sense if he was the one giving the mask for her, but again need more proof. theres apparently some unused lines that could hint at it but i havent gone through unused stuff yet. i would still consider it as i did with ruinborn afton, if not for that creature i wouldnt even think of the entity being william but would have just stayed with the shadow bonnie theory pff) theres that one bonnie mask in PQ and perhaps the whole bonnie kid = cassies dad = hw2 player theory isnt all that bad

but i thought it might be vanessa and gregory? im thinking of PQ and getting rid of glitch and this 4th PQ is cool but confusing as hell but the thing candy cadet was saying about coming back and stuff idk its all a mess for me rn but yeah perhaps its not that deep and glitch is just that hard to kill off. he always comes back i mean uhh

OR wait wait. how i said mimic shed aftons remains and burntrap split back to glitchtrap and the mimic post SB? that makes sense no? instead of going buntrap -> mimic + entity, its mimic + glitchtrap Again and then vanessa wiped him for good and with gregorys help also locked up the mimic. thats it thats gotta be it right? shrimple as that

and vanessa and ggy while making the security nodes (im not 100% in it but im leaning towards it) something got in (the entity), because you cannot wipe him out, hes forever haunting this place. thats what you get for building this huge plex on top of his gotdamn house and farm and whatever. mansion. whatever he is in there. dear mr. fazbear entertainment, william afton is in your walls

anyway so that would beeee SB, PQ ending, they come back, get rid of any leftover traces of glitch and lock up the mimic, then cassie gets in in ruin. and hw2 would then take place sometime pre-ruin, we dont know how long it is so i would even say hw2 happened post-SB until ruin or it overlaps ruin (because were shown the ending scene with cassie but honestly i would rather see it happen pre-ruin and that just being a hint but i have no ideaaa)

people were also saying that cassies dad made the mxes system or vanessa but i think the system was like there originally for years if not thru the entirety of the pizzaplex' existence and vanessa and gregory only made the nodes to keep mimic inside and cassies dad was just a technician that has used the mask and stuff, i just dont know how it works with the og vanny mask which didnt yet have all the tech inside but perhaps that was just like an in-VR version of it in the first hw. man i dont know.

then theres the mxes entity player theory which is... eh, how would they function in reality? and why would they give cassie the mask if were hinting at some possession of mapbot? i dont like that idea past the entity being you know who and also getting rid of a past version of himself (glitch) man i need like a discussion circle

ooftroop and friends please make another video about this please (please)

one last thought, glitchs color seems to be magenta (or purple if you wanna say that) and the mxes system is that color, but the entity is more blue and idk what to do with that information. mr entity why arent you purple WHY ARE YOU BLUE literally my only missing puzzle piece if that mf was purple i would be 100% confident thats him (but im only 99% because he is more bluish but he is the same color as ruinborn who is afton to me and people saying its not, i dont understand you. what do you mean. what do you mean thats not frights corpse afton with his messed up face and bunny ears springing up out of nowhere. he is literally him)

when ppl say that the only people that disagree with everything being just the mimic and that dont get the current lore are just gacha kids, i WISH i was just a gacha kid making up random stories because this is HELL

also that hand puppet glitch is uglyyyy i want 10 (to put in a blender)

[system-vent]

one of the nastiest nastiest feelings is taking our shirt off and its not even because the body is human and afab and im a tabaxi tiger and amab, i have accepted that and i can look past it. i can cope with that, it doesnt bother me or any hosts or ex-hosts. what bothers me is the scars on our arm that come from a very harmful frequent fonter we had because i KNOW that the scars from him were preventable. i know we couldve stopped him. why the hell didnt we stop him from doing any of that? if we had known he had bad intentions and was doing all those bad things on purpose we wouldnt have let him front but he kept saying he was trying, he would be better, hes just anxious, hes depressed, he has bpd. so do the rest of us the body has those disorders you dont see me causing half the shit he did?? i hate him.

seperate rant/ramble: as i was typing this i heard either coyotes screaming outside, or i had an auditory hallucination. i hate this body and it's schizophrenia for a multitude of reasons which sends me on a new tangent ☝️🤓 i hate having schizophrenia because its often misdiagnosed as did (/srs) and we go "ohhh but maybe im faaaaking" i can garuntee you that the disassociative amnesia regarding our childhood may be a sign! and the very obvious shifts of personality, and also earlier today i had a fleeting thought that was something i wouldnt think and i thought it in the voice of one of my headmates. lo and behold he fronted without my noticing and neither of us know how long he was in front for.

on another note i hate hate hate having to self disgnose. our mother gets aggravated and has a borderline mental breakdown every single time one of us asks her why she thinks we are not autistic because to us and to other people with autism it is BLINDINGLY obvious, just as an example of why we need to self disgnose this much. schizophrenia, adhd, depression, anxiety, and various physical issues are all things we have been diagnosed with. we suspect autism, bpd, aspd, did, and dyslexia. we did not think about any of these disorders or about having them, and we knew nothing about them until friends with said disorders would talk about their experiences and vent about it and we went "oh no... oh no..." and then we had to go do vast amounts of research into them and overlapping disorders and just. so much research. and the autism part takes EVERYTHING literally and at face value so very often we will go "oh this cant be us! we dont have every single symptom!" and it is, in fact, us. we also fakeclaim ourselves when we hear stories about how bad these disorders can be and ours is never that bad. its bad enough to actually genuinely impact our life more often than not and the symptoms are very distressing when we notice them, but they arent as bad as they could be which to a lot of my headmates makes it very obvious that we do not have the disorders we very much do. it causes a lot of denial towards ourselves, we had looked into dyslexia and joking about having it for months but we never flat out said we have dyslexia until one of our managers straight up told someone "yeah we're dyslexic this losers are just in denial because we can send messages that are coherent. they think we are not dyslexic because we go back and correct any typos? doesnt make sense to me. the typos are still made, and we still miss a lot of words we need to correct very often. oh yes im aware theyre idiots." sometimes fakeclaimer logic is just so broken. we also have a lot of alters that have dyslexia in source memories and whenever they fromt our typing gets much worse which obviously means we don't actually have dyslexia OR did! /sarc. DID truely stands for dumb idiot disorder because i could spend a week listing times when our symptoms for all our disorders were very very prominant.

.

[meademalove]

Thing that gets me is Beth is a forward and when do forwards have good games? When their teammates get them the ball in areas they can work with. Yes Beth could have been better at times but expecting wonders from Beth when at least half the team are off it is just stupid, you clearly dont understand football if you expect a winger to be able to carry a team when those around her are having poor games. Same to some extent for Cait, though there have been times this season where Caits had a bad day when the rest of the team have played half well and thats more telling for form.

You cant single out Beth for being off in one on ones or passing back or whatever when most of her teammates are doing the same or just arent moving to get into position for her to play better balls.

Even Lia had an off day yesterday and when Lia has an off day you know it's bad. Vic made some poor passes and decisions, even Kim wasnt at standard, it honestly felt like we barely had a midfield at times. Katie is alright cover for right back but I dont think she supports the attack very well from the right because she always has to cut in because shes got no right foot and Beth works better with a right back that can overlap her when she draws players more centrally.

Basically there are just SO many factors that come down to a performance like yesterday, you cannot blame one player and yet every time Beth is made a scapegoat because there are a group of "fans" that have an agenda against her and direct the blame/hate towards her.

Exactly this. Nothing to add.

[conanssummerchild]

okay so id initially put this in the tags of your ask but i thought id put it in your askbox so you don't feel obligated to answer it or you wanna answer privately instead cause it's very rambly and kinda personal

#also im curious. what do you do after you get an autism dx?#because like back when my psychiatrist evaluated me for a bunch of things. i was curious if i was somewhere on the autism spectrum too#cause i did check a lot of boxes#and she essentially told me i have a lot of the overlapping stuff because of other conditions and i could do the autism evaluation#but it would be a waste of time for me because it wasnt my main dx and doesn't make my life unbearable#because im already taking meds and shit for other stuff but you dont take meds or really do anything about having autism#so she basically told me you might be on the spectrum but there's no point in getting a dx cause it doesnt change anything#but also cuz for me it's probably mild and doesnt affect my every day life that much#so yeah i guess i was curious. im so sorry if this comes off as rude btw#because i know getting dxed changed my life and its so much better now. and im so proud of you for that finally happening#and my situation is very different from yours like even if i am on the spectrum it probably doesn't affect me to an extent where it fucks#with my every day life to an unbearable degree yk#but im definitely curious about how you go forward once you get an autism diagnosis when it does significantly affect your life. like do you do anything about it?#i do know it's validating as hell and your parents will finally take you seriously. cause you've obviously known for a while#and again i know its gonna get so much better hereon. getting dxed literally changes your life and im so so happy for you#how did your family and everyone take it?#like i had the worst relationship with my parents i was gonna cut them off after school but it got so much better after my dx#like they became so much more understanding and like put in the effort to change and be better and its still a long road but yeah#it's kind of fucking awesome and life changing and i really hope it is for you too#im so so so happy for you

well i guess i dont really know yet, i had an appointment yesterday at school hours and i went alone and then i went straight back to school and now im at my friends house so i havent seen my parents yet. i have my last appointment with my psycologist in 2 weeks and that one is with my parents so its basically when shes going to tell them, i dont plan on telling my dad about it before then bcs he can go fuck himself but i am going to tell my mum as soon as she gets home from barcelona. so i cant really say anything parents-wise yet. as for like outside that at the moment theres really nothing at all i can do until my parents are in on it, since im a minor my parents are the ones who choose if the school knows and i can get accomodations but if they choose not to tell them theres really not much i can do, so for me a diagnosis doesnt change much (apart from FINALLY after more than EIGHT years knowing whats different abt me) unless my parents let it change stuff, and at the moment i font know if they will :/, so to answer "what do you do after a diagnosis?" i really dont know. if u want to get diagnosed though and u think you could i would probably go for it, you can keep it to urself since ur over 18 so u dont have to tell anyone else if u dont want to and idk it might come in handy even if it doesnt it is nice to feel validated but anyway its up to you <3

ps: you can literally ask me anything u want to know i dont mind and dont worry abt coming off as rude i dont think u r <33 love u

[blurryfce300]

blurry thoughts: blurryvision edition

alright so this all started cause i was talking about how i want like not even an mv just anything from blurryface’s perspective, not like us seeing him but seeing from his point of view physically. i want to see things how he sees them.

this led to me talking about different how characters see things, the bishops cant see yellow, ned has a slight chromatic aberration filter øn everything, making everything look sørta glitchy or off.

but then theres blurry. clancy hints that he sees everything as red:

but then the timh mv gives us something that i can call blurry’s perspective, or at the very least a blurry-influenced perspective. he looks around a lot, and when he does he sees people looking at him and when he does their eyes warp and get larger. there’s a constant feeling of being watched and being judged, everyone is looking at him (at least to blurry).

things get worse, the warping gets more extreme and widespread and then everything starts falling apart. its not actually exploding but it feels that way.

and like right after he looks at people he shakes his head around. a literal attempt to shake the feeling of being watched and judged, a futile one at that.

taking both of those accounts into consideration from timh and clancy, and adding in some chromatic aberration from ned for two reasons:

a: looks cool

b: blurry and ned seem to have some sort of connection to one another based on spelling patterns and what theyre meant to represent (creativity vs insecurity, two closely connected things, after all blurrys hands are black because of an insecurity related to creation).

anyways, complete blurry vision could look like this:

ok nøw i just wanna get into more theory/headcanony stuff because i can

like adding onto the vision stuff theres also like thinking about how blurrys other senses can get warped or changed entirely by him being present. like does he hear the thoughts of others? is he being constantly bombarded with voices of others overlapping and making any experiences with people an absolute sensory nightmare før him?

no wonder he likes the woods and social media so much. the woods are quiet and lonely, but mostly quiet. nobody’s staring at him and he cant hear anyone else out there. and social media lets him talk to people without him having to actually interact face to face because he can’t really without getting overwhelmed and panicking and being consumed by thoughts.

concerts must be a terrible experience for him to endure like thousands of people staring at you for hours on end sounds awful for blurry. i really want to see how he sees things. like in any visual format, doesnt have to be in an mv just anything. i wanna see how it døes or døes not differ from the bishops, since their vision seems to just be normal but no yellow.

you get what im saying? this creature is just never having a good time at all

[yonicfemcel]

there isn't any real research into rumination disorder

because nobody really has it, and when you do, does it really cause you discomfort even. either you cringe at what comes up and that's mildly unsettling and ruins food (not downplaying it)(not my case at all) or you get to cowmaxx chew your meal over and over and get more out of it and make sure your intestine gets the finely chewed shit which is good for digestion. another reason is because you'd have to look at the extreme overlap with bulimia. hell i cant believe most bulimics dont just end up with it but i guess the human doesn't work like that. but as it stands you either get it as a child when the neurological pathways are still forming and you learn to steer the stomach muscles that otherwise should be left unflexed, the way some learn to say wiggle nostrils and ears and some dont. or you throw up so much you develop a skill. OR you get brain damage or a virus that targets neural pathways and you end up doing it too. i know one 4chan post where anon said after covid he could "effortlessly throw up without acidic sensation". i'm willing to believe this baseless post because everything i researched puts rumination's cause in the brain for me.

and say you have it and it causes you discomfort and you bother your doctor about it. all he can give you is breathing exercise. that's all you're getting there is no pills. and i almost imagine they would be happy to siphon money for pills off of you. but like with everything the only disorders worth looking into are those where you can make a living. why waste research and money when the answer will be "just breathe lol"

i think ryangaslight4 was termed because last time i talked about this i said something to the effort of, why then should i feel bad over having a superior stomach. and mgmt took it as me endorsing an ED. and i'm not gonna confirm or deny but it goes to show how similar they look to an outsider. and how we RDs are oppressed.

[a-captions-blog]

[Image descriptions: 1. Reddit post from r/WhatsThatBook by ClownThrowAwayHelp with the title, ‘help solve a fight with my girlfriend – book with monster clown that can turn into fears but [caps] not [end caps] king’s It???’ The post is marked ‘Solved.’ Post transcription follows. i say it's not king's IT she says it is. we've been disagreeing about this on and off for a year because she keeps bringing up scenes and going on about how good they were in the book but i've read IT and those scenes aren't in it. she says i read IT too long ago to remember. fair. it was a while. but she read it over five years ago too! scenes she remembers that i don't remember in the og book: it was set at a school camp during the kid bits and there were adult scenes too 20-something years later but she doesn't remember them because they "weren't as good". the kids are different ages ranging from 5 to 20. there's a demon clown thing hunting them and it keeps turning into the things they're scared of to try eat them. she remembers a scene where there was a rabid bear and one of the teenagers set it on fire using hairspray. at the end the clown is a female and there's eggs, and every kid in the camp ends up ganging up to try beat the clown to death with rocks. there's also a bit with some weird rapey werewolves but she's less certain about that. she remembers some scenes that are definitely from IT too like the fridge and bill's bike and the bullies lost in the sewers so im pretty sure she's mixing up IT and some other book. i need to find the other book or we're both going to die mad about this. we need closure sorry if this isn't the right place i don't use reddit but i'm desperate to solve this i need to be validated she asked me to add this edit of things she also remembers even though she said she wants nothing to do with my search since she knows shes right - these are all quotes: "the little guys died first and it was dreadful" "there were so many horrible scenes in the camp bathroom king(she says)/the author as of yet unknown(i say) must have something against public bathrooms and by the time i was done reading i did too" "someone died so enthusiastically they painted the wall with their insides" "at least one person maybe more was described as 'unzipped' by the time the clown was done" " there were at least two horny scenes" <-- look how can she say this and still think its king the man is like 80% horny scenes 70% scary scenes and theyre usually overlapping

Under the post is a comment thread started by Deejaymill asking, ‘Hey OP, does your gf read fanfiction by any chance?’ OP: she says no but she didn't say no fast if you get what i mean, very suspicious stuff. and now she's giving me guilty looks. if she's been telling me how good some random fanfiction is for the last 12 months while thinking it was the og i'm taking my pajamas and going home Deejaymil: Haha hey this is awkward / Hate to break it to you both but I think she’s mixing up IT with a couple fanfics. I can’t link them because they’re locked behind a privacy wall but one is an IT/Criminal Minds crossover (most of what you’ve described, though the details aren’t quite right), and the werewolf thing is a different Criminal Minds fic from the same author. Ask her if the camp they were at was called Camp Moribund, if you need evidence for your validation. OP: i cant believe gabby has done this to me / she left the room when i told her it’s a fanfiction and then she came back to ask how you could possible know that and now she’s left again. i think you got it. she wouldn’t be so mad otherwise Deejaymil: I know because I wrote them lmao

2. Comment by OP that says: you are the best thing to ever happen to my relationship god bless your socks i will die telling this story to my children’s children. i’m so happy i could try / sorry if my post sounded like it was dragging your horny scenes i’m sure they’re tasteful horny / thank you for devastating my girl’s emotional wellbeing she needed this 3. and 4. Comments by Deejaymill that says: I feel like I’ve walked into a crowded room and everyone has stopped talking and turned to stare at me, this is the worst WhatsThatBook solve I’ve managed yet haha. Usually I just saunter into the obscure animal book threads becaues I was cat-obsessed as a child… / I’m never going to emotionally recover from this.

5. Further comments from the thread that read: Deejaymill: Haha well, in honour of OP’s poor girlfriend here’s the IT one. I turned off the privacy setting so it should be accessible without a log-in. She faced her demons today so I can face mine. OP: she says “thanks this is exactly it. if i can’t have my dignity, at least i have something to read.” / cheers. guess ill have to read it too now just to find out why she loves the bear versus hairspray scene so much JustMyRealName: “If I can’t have my dignity, at least I have something to read” is such a good line \End descriptions]

help

[sillyxaly]

Its one of those days where I share my views with the world and then go die from crippling anxiety.

The whole: "If you cant take kids being kids in public spaces dont go there." take

I agree. A lot of posts stating that sentiment I have reblogged because I agree with the sentiment. If you cant handle loud kids dont go visit a kids playground just to complain about the kids present.

But as someone who really "cant handle kids being kids" ive always felt the statement off somehow to me. I dont go to places where loads of children are to be expected aside from the schoolgrounds I need to cross every once and again to get to the train station. I avoid them because I do sincerely not have the capability to handle a bunch of kids being loud and I recognize that being loud is just a huge chunk of being a young and small individual.

However, I cant always avoid kids. I too need to go groccery shopping and so do parents and sometimes they bring their kids along for a multitude of possible reasons and sometimes for a multitude of other possible reasons the kid starts screaming or crying or having a tantrum. As a person who "cant handle kids being kids" I cant avoid them entirely. Believe me, if I could I would. Kids overwhelm me to the extreme and its no fun, I can barely handle my own two year old brother when I visit my family sometimes and there have been moments where I just had a breakdown because of him. Just because I cant deal with loud noises or overlapping noises very well, I cant deal with sudden movements well either, I have my very specific icks about what, who and where I am touched. All these things are things kids just do (aside from the touching thats specific for my brother because he doesnt understand it yet but we teach him and hes doing great) and those things get to me really quickly.

And frankly even for situations where it is "my choice" like being on a public train to get to meet my family and friends and a child also being there the notion of "just stay home" just bugs me somehow. Because sure. I could totally stay home and if I did I would have seen my fiance once since I moved out and my mother zero times. Simply because they dont have the resoucses or time to visit me but I can visit them. I hope people can understand why thats a thing id dislike. I want to see them even if its taxing to take on a six hour train ride and even if theres loud people some of which may be kids (but honestly most of them arent but thats a long tangion)

And to top it all off, while on the Toilette in my own home today I heard a child screaming too. I want everyone reading this to have the context that I live on the second floor of an old building with an extremly high ceiling. My own at least 3m if not 4m high. So ive been at least 6-8m (not counting the fact the kid wasnt screaming upwards from right underneath my window) away from the child in height and still heard it loud and clear while being in my own home.

Point is.

You cant avoid kids and I dont think making struggling with some things kids are prone to do out to be the trait of a bad person is a good thing to do.

Ive just been wondering if instead of telling people to "just stay home" to avoid the volume of kids being kids we could find ways to deal with that instead so that neither an adult has to limit themselves nor a kid has to be banned from certain places. Because obviously parents are allowed to take their child into the groccery store with them. I dont want to ban them from doing that. Id just like to figure out how to deal with the screaming child in line behind me if I also happen to be in the groccery store. Because my current tactic is "try not to cry and run for it as soon as you can" and thats just intensly taxing.

So yeah

Those are my thoughts of the day im gonna make myself a cool chocolate now.