#and even if he could they wouldnt recognise him

[exxistential-nightmare]

Thinking about Keres and his beautiful wife. My poor sad hexblood boy, a wreck of a man, doomed by the narrative, doomed by the actors and the setting and still so hopeful. He pines for his family, though in the same city hes invisible to them.

Art by @filibusterfrog

[romionarry]

the rituals are intricate and very comical

[microwaving-tesilid-argente]

.

[zhongrin]

Plot bunny?

You are a servant of some god during the Archon War.

He enslaved you and your people, saying that humans are too simple to rule themselves.

***

You scratched the dirty floor, trying to achieve perfection as your god demanded it. It didn't matter that your knees hurt as skin gave up and broke. It didn't matter that your fingernails were almost completely destroyed. It didn't matter that your spine was giving up.

This task was the simplest one your pathetic self could do. That's the only thing you could do. Thing that you were made to do.

At least it was what your "Master" said.

Your village laid in the mountains, growing into a small city over the years, slowly connecting with other small villages. It was peaceful, your biggest enemies being some rowdy slimes and a geovishap from time to time. But that changed when your "Master" marched in the town and claimed all that he saw. He was the one who told you that as humans, you are simple, made to serve. He killed anyone who disagreed, showcasing how weak you are.

Now, you almost believed him.

Yet, as years of breaking your back and thinking of not being worthy of doing anything else but serving your master, one moment in your life caused it to change completely.

*

You only watched as guards dragged someone, following Master and his toy - Alatus. You wondered who angered your Master this time and yet, as you uncharacteristically looked away from your work on the victim, you couldnt recognise even a bit of human in him. That meant one thing - your Master defeated a new enemy.

His beaten body was a mix of somewhat human and a dragon. He had a long tail with some missing scales and fluffy end was drenched in mud. His clothes that once could be white were mostly covered in blood and dirt. His back was bare of clothing, and you could see whip marks along it, scales on it missing as well. His hair was all over the place, tangled and greasy. And on top of his head you saw two orange horns, that dully glowed.

If it was your old self, you would say that this man was beautiful. But as you learned in the hard way - god's were cruel beings and their beauty was nothing but a mask put over a monster inside.

Your second encounter with him was when you were tasked with cleaning steps leading to the throne. Your Master often ordered servants to clean while he was there, so he could watch over you, as humans were so stupid that they often missed spots.

You dutifully scrubbed the steps and golden decorations while the god that your Master captured was being kicked around by him.

Your Master ordered Alatus to whip him again, and you heard grunts coming out of the strangers mouth. It sounded like he didn't have any strength left to scream.

For some reason you felt... sad? As if you didn't want this stranger to suffer. You were told that god's are heartless and humans are replaceable, so why do you feel sad for him?

*

You were tasked with giving the new prisoner food while he waited for his execution. It was weird.

He tried to talk to you. Like you weren't lower being. He thanked you for goodness sake. It wasn't something a god would do. Or maybe it was something your god wouldnt do?

You thought about this for a long time. This stranger was the kindest treatment you experienced in years. You couldn't let him die.

So now there you were, running with a torch and stolen keys through long and gloomy corridors, looking for him.

Your heart was racing and your mind was filled with terror. If you were caught, you would suffer. Why were you even doing this again? Humans weren't supposed to have free will, so why?

You saw him, chained to the walls behind thick bars. His wounded flesh angry red, wounds dirty with various spices that your Master ordered to smear in his wounds. He now looked weak, but you knew it was only because of that collar made of cursed metal. It was suppressing his godly powers.

But not for long.

Frantically you searched the keys and opened his cell. He looked at you shocked - he only saw light when he was dragged outside for torture. And you definitely looked too weak to do that. He was silent as you unchained him and freed his neck from that collar. Grabbing his hand, you stormed out, running towards the hidden exit.

As you stopped and opened door to the outside, you looked in his reptilian eyes.

"Free us please"

You didn't know where these words came from.

As he tried to speak, you heard ruckus and screams. Your Master felt his enemy being freed. You didn't listen to the stranger, pushing him outside and slamming the door, only telling him to go.

You then ran to servants quarters and laid down, praying that the chaos will buy him enough time.

You will be dead by tomorrow morning, but perhaps as you dared to hope, maybe some of the others will taste the freedom in their lives.

luke: plot bunny? :)

also luke: *dishes out a whole fic*

me: what-

also luke: and here's a cliffhanger :)

me: *angery kitten screams*

NO BUT FR THIS IS A WHOLE ASS FIC YOU JUST DROPPED IN MY INBOX HELLO????????? imma cry my zhongli my bby he does not deserve all these tortures ;A;

but but but the potential for this to turn yandere..... oooohfladhufsebfurnsuf frothing screaming salivating-

[aikunik]

Yandere Male idol x GN reader

warning: dark themes, yandere, obsessive love, nsfw, blah blah

woah hooray first yandere

Sol was the idol that had an obsession over you, every time you came to one of his concerts, he would go all out and give the best he can, when you wouldnt participate, he would start hyperventilating continuously

Sol was a loner in high school, but you have always reached out to him, helping him in every way you could, since you were the popular kind person. That was when he started obsessing over you. He would start to suffocate when someone approached you or talked to you, even if it was your teachers, parents, or best friends whom you have a platonic relationship with.

It was one day when Sol decided to become an idol, just to impress you, when you complimented his dancing and singing skills in a school festival.

Sol was desperate for your praise. So, he applied to the largest idol agency in the world and trained there for 3 whole grueling years, where he would work out every single day and change his personality, he also dyed his hair a platnium blonde, in contrast to his original black hair.

You were his first ever supporter (in his eyes). It's like you knew it was Sol! from high school!! you have been chasing him for his love! You love Sol!

You didn't recognise Sol since he changed his appearance so much, and you didn't have any feelings for him in the first place.

You would always defend him in arguments among fandoms, like when they called him a coward for hyperventilating on stage (since you weren't there).

He loves you so much that his entire room is a shrine of you, all of your pictures, items from high school, and gifts to him from fan meetups.

he jerks of violently onto your pictures, but with a plastic protection on it of course, he would not dream of ruining your picture with his hot and thick cum.

He would start suffocating on stage if you brought any of your friends. He couldn't bear it. It was so bad that he collapsed on stage, leading to many media outlets saying that he had numerous mental health issues. which was true, him being overly obsessive with you is a longterm mental illness.

short writing (sorry)

reminder to drink water!!

[mythicmanuscripts]

Hey ! could you do something for omega jace ? like maybe his first heat after getting married and seeing the way he changes from being all blushy and shy to being shamelessly needy and begging 🥺 sorry if this isn’t enough to go on I never usually send requests

also i just have to say i love ur blog, it’s such a cool safe space 🖤

Aw I love this!! I love how no matter the AU, we're all in agreement that Jace starts off so shy and scared and then the moment he gets any sort of sexual attention he just comes such a whiny little slut. He is truly the definition of someone being horny for his wife only.

Anyway, NSFW omega!Jace below the cut. If you don't want to see any a/b/o content then block the 'a/b/o hotd'.

So firstly, yeah Jace really is the definition of a blushing virgin before you mate with him. When you first met him and you offered him your hand to shake, he blushed SO hard and couldnt even form full sentences.

(It's also worth noting that with other alphas Jace is certainly shy, but he's not at all interested in them. He doesnt get flustered around the others, doesn't speak to them unless spoken to, and he certainly doesn't try his own very shy attempts at courting like offering them flowers or some of his clothes)

You ensure to behave correctly and respectfully throughout the courtship, because it's so so clear that maintaining those boundaries is beyond important to him. Even though your interactions with him before the meeting are very very tame, he still gets so flustered and squirmy. Once or twice he even dares to press a kiss to your cheek, but he always runs away immediately after.

You expect that he'll be as shy and reserved after the mating, that you'll spend weeks slowly getting him comfortable enough to do anything more than kissing. You promise yourself that after you bite him you will protect him and respect him for as long as you can.

Jace seems nervous and almost irritable at the celebrations after the mating. You try to speak with him and be with him but he keeps on walking away, keeps on wondering to different people to thank them for attending. The bite mark is still bleeding when he starts this charade and refusal to be close to you. For a while you actually think he might have completely regretted the mating, which just broke your heart to think about because even though you two hadnt known each other long, you really did think he was meant to be your omega.

This continues until the celebrations finally reach their end and you and Jace are escorted to your new living quarters that you will share together. When you enter the room, you half expect Jace to announce he's spending the night in his own quarters.

But to your surprise Jace is right behind you. He locks the door the moment you're both inside and then immediately he's pulling you closer and nuzzling against your neck. You try to push him away to speak to him but he whines and grips you tighter, refusing to let you move him.

You say his name which only makes him whine again. He pulls away just enough to look at you and then instead of responding, he kisses you? To say you're shocked is a massive understatement, but he's whining and kissing you and clinging to you so you didnt spend too much time thinking about it just then.

He pushes you towards the bed, his scent spiking with arousal.

When you turn to face the bed you realise that there's a nest already on the bed? You recognise some of the clothes in the nest as your own and you can smell Jace's scent clearly so you're sure the others must be him.

He's explaining before you can ask, telling you that he came and made the nest in the morning so that the two of you could use it together and you wouldnt have to wait while he made it. You thank him of course, telling him his nest is very pretty and that seemed to be the straw that broke the camel's back because the moment you heard that he basically jumps you.

He refuses to entertain any other conversation then, pushing you down onto the bed and straddling you. You kiss him back and before long he's pulling at your clothes, whining when he can't get his hand under your dress. You don't try to speak to him again, and instead you just go with it.

You end up fucking him immediately. The entire time he's so needy and whiny, constantly trying to get closer and to scent you as much as he can. He doesn't calm down until he's been fucked silly, and then he just curls up against your chest, nuzzling against you.

You kiss his head and once he seems to catch his breath, you ask him what all that was about. He blushes and says he's been desperate to do that for literal months and he couldnt wait another second. He avoided you throughout the celebrations because if you had touched him he was pretty sure he would have jumped you right then.

You chuckle and pull him closer, telling him that you thought you were getting a shy, timid omega but clearly not. Jace grins up at you, telling you that you mated him so now you're stuck with him and he's going to jump you whenever he can.

[masterwolftfs]

It was another one of those days. Rain crashing down, everyone looking pissed or gloomy, and you felt like absolute shit, aimlessly wandering about the town square, nothing to do, nowhere to go. You'd found yourself going in and out of various stores, seeing if you could perhaps buy anything to cheer you up, but nothing had worked so far. So here you were, £50 poorer with nothing to show for it other than a few bits and bobs that you couldnt remember buying.

Your phone buzzed, so you checked it. Another overdue bill notification, you sighed. Was that the fifth now? You'd lost count. Overwhelmed, you ducked into an alley, resisting the urge to breakdown and cry, and sunk to the ground, face in your hands, trying desperately not to break.

Things seemed hopeless, and they had for a while.

The rain kept pouring down, chilling you to the bone, and that snapped you out of it. You looked around for an overhang to sit under, some shelter, and saw it. A leather jacket, just abandoned by a trash can. You'd already sank low enough, you figured, so why not put it on for some warmth? You stumbled over to it and wrapped it around your cold frame. Underneath it was a beer bottle, completely sealed. What the hell, you thought, and picked it up. Hesitant to drink it, you didnt open it yet.

The jacket did smell a bit, you had to admit. A combination of wet leather, smell from being in proximity with the trash, and was that weed? But it was warmer with it on, and even if it didnt protect from the rain, it was better with it than without.

Absentmindedly, you found yourself walking back around the streets, heading back on the route youd initially come, then taking a few turns til you were in a place you didnt recognise. Everythings fine, you thought, and didnt worry. You found yourself knocking on someones door, and waiting. Why did you knock here? You thought, but you couodnt figure it out. After a long wait, the door opened to a man who shouldve looked terrifying to you, but you werent scared at all. He was short, and lean, but he was covered in piercings and tatts, his hair styled up into a bright blue and green mohawk. Not the kind of man youd want or expect to meet, but your body seemed to instinctively go in for the hug, and his stern face seemed to smile at you warmly. He kissed you, and it felt like you were short circuiting, your brain forgetting how to function, how to think, and for a second, you felt nothing but lust for this man in front of you. He stopped the kiss, and you returned to your normal self. Dazed, you followed him inside the house.

The house wasn't exactly clean, and a strong scent filled the air, that of cum, piss, cheap deoderant, musk and weed. It mingled in your brain, short circuiting it again and overwriting it.

"Yo Connah!" Said the punk, chucking a pair of clearly used, reeking combat boots at you. "Give em a sniff my man"

And you did. In bliss, shoving it to your nose, almost as if this man's words forced you too. Your body ached as you lost yourself in the smell, muscles growing, getting you taller by the second.

"Connah?" You thought. That didnt seem right. Was that your name? Of course it was, your boyfriend wouldnt lie to you. Wait. Boyfriend? What were you think-

Your thought process was interrupted by a hand on your cock, springing it to life, the punk looking directly at you while slowly but surely teasing your cock, working the foreskin back and letting his hands touch your glans, causing ripples of sensitivity and pleasurable pain to course through you. With each pulse, yiu lost yourself more and more. A cocky, dominant personality overwriting you. "Put em on me, bitch." You sneered, causing the punk to gulp and take the boots, sliding them onto your feet. Instinctively, you stood on him, pushing his face under your massive foot. He moaned, and you laughed. "Thats right bitch. You're mine now." You, no, Connah sneered. You were Connah now, you akways had been. Alpha, leader, cocky punk. You didnt remember the punk's name, but who cared? He was nothing more than your bitch anyway, and he wouldn't be the last. Connah was back bitches, and he was gonna make the entire town his gang.

[simp4konig]

Extension of @itsagrimm ’s post and conversation which we had 😇✨✨💖

Some additional Nikto headcanons

Word Count: 653

Tag List: ♡ @simpforkonig ♡ @rustic-guitar-notes ♡ @best-soup ☆ @lotionlamp ☆ @luci4theminorannoyance ☆ @happy-mushrooms ♡ @nightlyvoids ♡ @skeletalgoats ♡ @aethelwyneleigh27 ☆ @arrozyfrijoles23 ♡ @dobaddo ♡ @the-second-sage ☆ @wil-xyz ☆ @revnatheshadow ☆ @feelya

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Nikto is extremely bitter, and spiteful. His childhood was stolen from him from the moment he became an officer. In addition to this, his torture left him scarred — physically and mentally — and he is conscious of a childhood which he could have had, yet is unconscious of what the childhood which he did have was like. He either does not remember, or the memories have been repressed; either way, he recognises what he has lost, for he is met with the naively mischievous glint in the eyes of the boyish rookies that arrive with the optimism of a young, hopeful lad, and he is cursing under his breath in Russian, resenting the happiness and zest which they give off, contrasting the spite and bitterness which festers within him.

Perhaps he displays said “boyish” behaviour in order to reclaim some of the innocence which he had when he was a young boy; again, either it is intentional, and he behaves in such a way as to I personally believe that he doesn't even realise that he behaves in such a way: in Nikto's eyes, he has prematurely matured and aged, making him see through the lens of a damaged man; yet, that same lens may be making him blind to the boyish behaviour which he unintentionally displays, evident in the scraps of content that we are fed of him 😓

Maybe Nikto has two boys inside of him which define him, both the same age, yet different: one is the child which was robbed of its innocence and forced to endure atrocities unimaginable; the other is the child, innocent, which has been locked away, wondering why it cannot be let out. Neither is aware of the other, and it's all the more tragic.

Exploring this point further, Nikto being 28–29 is surprising, as he acts far older than his age. It's as if the experiences which he has experienced have aged him mentally, and he genuinely feels the pain of it all straining his psyche. It's tragic that someone so young was subjected to such torture so soon, and be forced to wear a mask 😟…

Given how the wiki states that “he has an uncanny ability… to hide his true identity”, it is ironic. What if from his perspective he has hidden his identity so well that there is none to be found anymore? What if he perceives himself as an actual nobody after having been done so immorally wrong? What if as a result of his torture and lasting trauma he has had his personality and identity stolen, just like his childhood, and is therefore unable to rediscover it?

…Maybe the mask is his subconscious way of protecting the remains of the innocent child, wanting to preserve the past purity of his child self (before being inevitably forced to mature as a result of his environment, and consequently his other experiences?*)

*Note, I can imagine that Nikto's childhood was robbed at some point as an adolescent, but he was still innocent and did not grasp what it was. After his torture, the truth behind his childhood may have come to light, and shed darkness on what was otherwise something positive. Furthermore, he could be clinging on to what little remains of that innocent child.

In addition to own personal headcanon (where he is blunt), he probably spouts the darkest jokes and has a morbid sense of humour. I don't necessarily believe that he would use humour to cope with his circumstances, as in all honesty, he does not strike me as man who indulges in idle banter like “haha i got tortured guys 😎,, sooo anyways 0/10 would not recommend 😰😰 — my other voices wouldnt either, trust 💪🙏” 💀,,

,,but, I certainly believe that due to how desensitised he has become to morbid matters, he has reached a point in his life where the horror amuses him, and doesn't affect him.

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A/N Finished writing this yesterday at 23:11 instead of actually fucking SLEEPING 🥱😫😫,, my priorities are notbthe ones that i should be prioritising lmfao 💀

Surprisingly posted something else 😱😱❓⁉️⁉️❗ this is VERY uncharacteristic of me!!??? I was supposed to post one post and disappear for ~3 months?? 🤔🤔🫡🤨🧐🧐🤨

Been reading Metro 2033 rn and its [Redacted, as the rant was two paragraphs] 😍😍

Not much else to say lmao — been existing i suppose 🤯

[dullgecko]

Goblins being nocternal makes a lot of sense. They're small, safer to be out at night since they have good dark vision. Probably hunt mostly around dawn and dusk and spend the daylight hours sleeping and hidden away.

School hours would ABSOLOUTLY mess with Riz's circadian rhythm. Naturally he'd want to sleep around 9-10am, and if he pushes through that then he would hit the other side where he's wired and a little manic and CANT sleep at night properly (especially since his version of 'pushing through' seems to be trying to consume his own body weight in stimulants).

If he doesnt manage to win the fight against sleep at that time of day though, you could literally shake him like a ragdoll and he wouldnt fully wake up immediatly. He would wake up, but he'd be groggy and cranky and if he clocks the movement as not a threat he conks right back out again.

Its that kind of sleep-walking half-awake state where you could kindof ask him questions and get semi-coherant answers but he wouldnt remember if you asked him later. This is the danger state though, because if he does not recognise you half-asleep brain doesnt pull punches (or regulate how hard he bites).

If the bad kids know he's in their bag and he doesnt answer them after the first couple pats to the side, they usually leave him be (and its safe to grab their pencil case/text book or whatever else they need from inside without a mauling, because even passed out completely he'll clock its his friends as long as they give him a heads up). If he's still out like a light over lunch time Fabien will just suck it up and eat cafeteria food and leave his home-packed lunch mostly untouched (oh yes The Ball, i wasnt hungry do you think you can finish off that sandwich I would hate for it to go to waste).

It happens a lot more in winter becasue its so cold, and being wrapped up in one of his bigger teammates spare jacket or scarf that was shoved in the bottom of their bag is so comfy and muffles outside noise better. The cold does wake him up faster though, so open the bag at your own risk because the grumpiness doubles (sneaking secret head-pats is a lot harder in winter, there is a higher chance he will remember).

[love-killed-the-superstar]

mikey ask game, 8 and 13!

(these answers will be about 2k3 mikey unless stated otherwise because he's ~my~ mikey. i apologise for the length of these answers, it seems i had a lot to say?! i also apologise for how much i bring up fast forward here, it seems that i'm fixated on it really hard right now.)

8. what’s your favorite dynamic of him and any other character? what makes it your favorite?

It's so hard to pick just one!!

i thought a lot about this, but i think splinter? he's exasperated that his son can be a bit lazy and distracted from ninja training, but still had him specialise in nunchaku, showing that he believes in his ability to master a difficult weapon. splinter surrendering in the battle nexus so that mikey could advance was so heartwarming and honestly makes me emotional to remember. in the first turtle titan episode even though he doesn't understand why mikey admires superheroes so much he acknowledges that his intentions are noble and he needs to follow the path truest to his heart. veering a little more into headcanon territory, i do think that being the most openly affectionate, baby mikey was a master manipulator in terms of melting his rat dad's heart. i can picture him climbing onto splinter's lap every time he sits down and being the most reluctant to go down for naps. and in a particular au i'm cultivating that delves more into mikey's potential romantic life, i think he would go to his father for advice. splinter may not be well versed in romance outside of his soap operas, but he will always be here for his kids when they need him.

(this, of course, makes me very bitter over the flanderisation of their relationship in fast forward. ff!splinter might as well walk around wearing a shirt that says "i hate my lazy video game addicted son" and it breaks my heart.)

honourable mentions for other characters i think he has a great dynamic with: leo, silver sentry, klunk, serling, angel, april, renet and turtle titan ii.

13. what’s something about mikey that nobody seems to talk about that should be talked about more?

tbh i think a lot of people love mikey and have analysed him in just about every way possible and what i end up saying is probably not the most groundbreaking take, but here is something that i've thought about a fair bit but haven't really seen from anyone else?

in fast forward, mikey is depressed. it is handled by the narrative about as delicately as a bull in a china shop, but it's there.

5 seasons of being bombarded with trauma-inducing storylines culminates in temporarily dying, going full dragon avatar mode to defeat the demon shredder and then finally they are able to relax, breathe easy, process some of these emotions - but noooo, instead they get ripped out of their timeline and dropped 100 years in the future with no way home and the studio execs wouldnt let them rightfully lose their shit at cody so instead we see the turtles bottle that rage and slowly descend into semi-flanderised madness. /lh

mikey in particular becomes very sensitive to rejection (see: losing his goddamn mind and going on an all out offensive against turtle titan ii, after being talked down the first time he raged out, because raph made One Comment about how his successor is better at heroism than he is), prone to emotional outbursts, especially anger (remember that iconic clip of him beating up cops and stealing their cars because they pissed him off?), loses interest in his ninja training, maintains very poor hygiene/living conditions, grows addicted to video games, and in rare moments of vulnerability (namely in graduation day of 2105) he expresses that he sees himself as lazy, unfocused, a 'goofball', and undeserving when it comes to being recognised for his ninja skills like his brothers. my man's self-esteem is in the toilet, he is craving normalcy after years of constantly fighting for his life, and his dopamine is clearly critically low because he is dependent on all the fancy material goods of 2105 to be happy. his method of coping with the difficult emotions being stranded in the future has brought up, while still maintaining the silly funny guy routine that his family expect from him, is to bury himself in VR. and why wouldn't he, when among the uptick in mikey roasts over the course of this season we literally hear splinter say the words "where did i go wrong with that boy?" THOSE WORDS STAY WITH YOU WHEN THEY COME FROM YOUR PARENTS. THEY HURT.

he's very empathetic to leo's own depression in season 4, being the voice of reason at the beginning of samurai tourist when raph is ready to fight him. we also see at several points in seasons 1-5 that his loud ego is a front and he is actually very aware of his shortcomings, especially seen in grudge match. in a different timeline where 2k3 wasn't neutered following insane in the membrane, i do wonder if the turtles would have been able to explore their turbulent feelings regarding the 2105 situation. since mikey and leo are often paired up for adventures in 2k3, it would be an interesting parallel to see leo recognising signs of depression in his brother and helping him, imparting some of ancient one's wisdom (and, in the great year of 2105 where mutants are equal citizens and cody has money to burn, finding him a good cognitive behavioural therapist).

i don't think the writers INTENDED to code mikey as depressed / struggling to cope in season 6 - i think it was a toxic combo of writing more 'mikey is lazy/immature/irresponsible and needs to be taught a lesson' episodes than the usual season average + thinking it was a funny social commentary gag to make him obsessive over video games. but i saw a lot of those traits in myself when i was deep in a depression hole. the show has already told us that the turtles' mental states have been impacted by the ridiculousness they have gone through. why would mikey be any different?

I DIDN'T MEAN TO WRITE AN ENTIRE THINKPIECE, BUT IF YOU REACHED THE END, THANK YOU FOR READING. AND THANK YOU FOR THE ASKS!

[the-girl-wh0-cries-w0lf]

You're waiting for a train...(16) - Epilogue

I Dreamed We'd Grow Old Together...

Robert Fischer x reader

description - Robert and Y/n's life over the next five years

word count - 2k

warnings - pregnancy, and an insane amount of fluff

a/n - and so it ends! This fic has been very important to me and has given me such a great outlet. I want to thank you all for your continued love and support for this fic! If it hadnt been for you guys I probably wouldnt have had enough confidence to continue it!

Please like/comment/reblog/follow!!!

a/n pt2 - Also seeing as I have fallen in love with this relationship I will be accepting questions and headcanons on their relationship!

Previous Part Series Master list Master list

Questions and Headcanons on Robert x y/n - here

And so we came together. It felt like the culmination of a thousand dreams.

We went out on many dates. Robert would plan these luxurious and expensive expressions of affection: dinner at the fanciest restaurants, cinemas bought out for our private viewing experience. But we alternated who planned the dates, so when it came to my turn I went for the simplest. Walks on the beach, picnics in the park. One day I even found a crafting class for us, and I could’ve cried on the spot when I saw his eyes light up at the handmade windmills. Of course, he saw it as a happy coincidence when in reality I enjoyed feeling like I was healing his childhood self, one step at a time.

Days turned to weeks. Weeks turned to months. We were out on a hike which I had chosen. He had grumbled about the idea of getting up early, but I could see the stress leave his body at the first gulp of forest air. I carried on ahead as he went to tie his shoe but when I turned back I gasped. Robert was down on one knee, holding a beautiful diamond ring.

“Y/n Cobb, I have loved you since that first moment I laid eyes on you, and I think even before that.” I walked closer to him so I could hold his other outstretched hand. Tears were streaming down my face and my smile was holding back an extremely loud yes. “I know how much you believe in dreams and so on. And last night I had a dream that we grew old together. When I woke up I knew it had to be my reality. Y/n Cobb, will you…”

I threw my arms around him.

“Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!” I placed a loud kiss right on his lips.

“You could have at least let me finish!” He teasingly whined.

“Well I could see where you were going!” I argued back but was halted when he kissed me once more. We pulled away long enough so Robert could slide the ring onto my finger.

Safe to say, we did not finish the hike that day as we quickly went home to celebrate.

I had moved in with Robert before so we visited Dad and the kids for lunch the day after to give them the news. Dad had always been weary around Robert, not knowing if he would recognise him. But it was fine as, in my Dad’s words, ‘when Robert is around Y/n, it’s like the world doesn’t exist.’. Dad still couldn’t stop himself pulling Robert aside whilst Philippa was asking me a million questions about the wedding and if she could be a bridesmaid. All he did was roughly grab his hand and pulled him close and merely whispered

“She’s my precious girl. And I have a gun.”

Safe to say Robert was healthily shocked.

We got married weeks later as neither of us could wait. I told Robert I didn’t care about a big expensive wedding, but he couldn’t seem to accept that.

I got my wish for a small wedding in the garden of my childhood home, with just my closest friends. But everything else about it was still ridiculously posh. Right down to the flower arch we were married under.

James and Philippa were my brides’girl’ and brides’boy’. My father walked me down the makeshift aisle. Arthur and Eames were there as well as Yusuf and Ariadne. They were all worried about the risk of the inceptors being so close to the mark after the heist.

“There’s no telling what could trigger his memory.”

“Well, y/n spent the most time with him out of all of us and she’s marrying him.”

“We can’t all sleep with him!”

“ENOUGH!”

I then put a rule that there was to be no dream talk at my wedding. My father even gave his own little speech explaining that if anyone ruined my wedding, he would kill them. We all laughed but his continued silence quickly shut us all up.

Robert did not want any family there. And he also didn’t have friends he felt were close enough to warrant an invitation.

One night, whilst planning, I cautiously asked him about inviting his godfather. He tensed up and lowered his eyes. He brushed it off saying it would be too many people. I reluctantly agreed with him whilst looking at the sparsity of his side of the guests.

The wedding was beautiful, and we finished with dancing on the grass well into the early hours of the morning. I got my first dance with my father, a day I thought would never come. Philippa asked Robert to dance, and he graciously accepted, lifting her up onto his feet and they swayed alongside us.

The morning after we were curled up together in bed. My back leaned on his chest as he played with my fingers. The morning sun bleeding into my childhood bedroom.

“Where do you want to live?” His morning voice broke the quiet.

“I thought we were going to move into your house.” I tilted my head to look into his eyes which were trained on a picture of me, my dad and my mum.

“I don’t wanna go back. Being here, in this house, with all the love in it. I just don’t want to go back there.”

“Okay.” I leaned up and planted a soft kiss to his cheek.

“So if you could live in any house, anywhere in the world, where would you live?”

I snuggled myself back into his chest and closed my eyes as I imagined.

“Somewhere in the countryside, with a big sprawling garden that backs onto fields and forests with plenty of walks. The house should be cozy, with a big kitchen with an old fashioned stove that keeps us warm in winter. Wooden tables where I can cook and bake all day long till my hearts content. The house should have big windows so the sunlight can dictate our day. Small bedrooms but big comfy beds, fluffy rugs, open fires. And maybe even an extra room...with a cot.” I met his eyes for the last word.

“Yes.”

“To which bit?”

“To all of it.” We kissed passionately.

A few days later and Robert woke me up and told me we were going on a trip. We bundled into his car and drove for hours until we came to a stop outside a house that seeped with familiarity. I got out, transfixed by what stood before me. It was as real from my mind as if I had created it in my dream. Robert moved to unlock the little gate which led to the front door. He turned to me and held out a set of keys with a little windmill keychain.

“It needs a bit of work and I know I shouldn’t have bought it without showing you—”

“I love it.”

We didn’t need a honeymoon, the two weeks to ourselves spent decorating and filling the house with our love was enough. I drew designs for each room and Robert would do the heavy lifting. I could see how much he enjoyed working with his hands after dismantling his business a week into our relationship. I also was unable to help much as my hand found softly stroked a barely noticeable bump.

We relished in the days of decorating, where trying to paint a single wall would turn into silly games or dancing round to music, intermittent with many kisses and hugs.

Eventually we had built our home out of our house and we relaxed into our sofa, a bottle of red between us. We sealed the night with a kiss and it definitely didn’t end there.

Five Years Later

I stand at the sink washing our dishes from lunch and look out of the window onto our expansive garden. Robert runs about the grass, clad in soft jeans and a ratty knitted jumper. Our three darling children chase around him at varying speeds. Our eldest, Isla, holds her baby sister Aspen’s hand, and Nicholas, the youngest, toddles behind his sisters, excited to be involved.

Arthur runs up from behind and scoops Nicholas up into his arms through the giggling shrieks of the three. He bounces Nicholas up into the air. Isla and Aspen then run over and begin shouting up at their uncle for their turn.

I don’t hear Robert make his way into the house, I just feel a pair of arms wrap around my waist and soft kisses being ladened up and down my neck. I sink back into his body which is warm from the sun. His arms snake down and his hands lay on mine.

“Leave those now. I’ll do them later.” I agree by turning in his arms so we can meet in a proper kiss. His fingers grip my waist and stroke my sides.

Our moment is interrupted by a loud opening of the door. I roll my eyes at the familiar sound and break apart to greet Eames at the door.

“Right! Where are my darling godchildren?”

“I give you a good time to come round, and you insist on coming just before their tea and bath time.”

He laughs and knocks my chin with his knuckle.

“Motherhood suits you.” I bat his hand away and gesture out the door. “Make it quick.”

I turn back to a still laughing Robert who quickly stops once he sees my stern face.

“I’ll ask Eames if he wants to stay for tea with Arthur.” He goes to go back into the garden.

“What you thinking for tea?” I ask his retreating form.

“Chicken and potatoes?”

“Delicious.” He smiles and leaves.

I begin sorting through the mail which still sat on the side. I smiled once I reached a postcard from Dad. He’d taken the kids to Disneyland for a week and sent a picture of them with Goofy. I pinned it up on our cork board.

My peaceful moment is soon interrupted.

“Y/n! Tell Arthur that I’m the favourite uncle!”

“Y/n! Tell Eames that fun does not have to mean dangerous!”

“Mama, mama, Uncle Eames turned me upside down and span me around!”

“See! Dangerous!”

“Honey, where’s the disinfectant? Aspen scraped her knee.”

“Mummy it really hurts!”

“Mama! Uppies! Uppies!”

I picked Nicholas up into my arms and simply giggled, perfectly happy with my life.

It was now night. Arthur and Eames had left after insisting on reading the kids stories which meant they were roped into reading 3 stories per child. Nicholas had gone down first. Then Aspen and even though Isla had loved staying up with mummy and daddy, tiredness had overcome her quickly. So Robert carried her up and tucked her into bed.

We now lay in bed together, curled up. Simply relishing in the silence that was so foreign in our big house.

“Do you wanna know something strange?” He broke the silence. “That day we met, I had a dream about a girl who I fell in love with. I like to think it was you.”

I bit my lip to stop myself uncontrollably grinning.

“And since then, my dreams have been consumed by you and our little family.”

I tried to meet his eyes, but he was locked in thought and I knew I couldn’t interrupt his thoughtfulness.

“The moment I met you I realised that I wanted to create my own family rather than continue working for one that never loved me.”

I hugged him tighter as his voice shook slightly.

“Well, that’s good. Because your family is about to get a little bigger.” I took his hand and drifted it down until it landed on a subtle bump.

“Perfect.” He kissed my hairline as his hand stroked up and down my stomach.

The silence resumed and we both fell deeper into the stillness of the night. But as I drifted off one thought plagued my mind.

Perhaps the idea never actually took hold.

Perhaps it was me and him.

Us together, that changed his life.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Thank you so much for reading!!

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[kindred-spirit-93]

EXAM HAS BEEN DELAYED!! till like sunday but still.

heres whats been in the works ft. the ocs that live in my head rent and royalty free. might post darkfic hilal content later tonight too >:)

Strangers in the night

he lied when he said he was going to the pharmacy. he had restocked bandages and antiseptic ages ago and probably wouldnt need to set foot in one for at least a decade to come. he just needed to breathe.

it had maybe started around dinner, a sudden feeling of suffocation like someone was holding a pillow to his face. and slight indigestion. armund had out done himself this time and he was quite proud. he didnt dare mention it lest he think he had somehow messed up.

excusing himself he grabbed something off the rack by the door and left without another word. he cursed himself for it afterwards due to the piercing cold and light fabric of his rain coat.

he hated lying to his dove, which was ironic because he couldnt recall a time he hadnt told him some sort of falsehood, so he took a path that lead to the pharmacy to get it off his conscious. it wasnt much, but it was the small things that seemed to matter the most. very annoying.

he took a long hard look at the neon lights, as if proving to himself that he had been completely honest and not at all lying to his son. nope, not at all. he was an upstanding citizen of which the nasty streets of these parts never saw. he frowned a little. he was a good person at heart. if i had one he thought glumly. have. had. was there a difference?

was it his fault he had become what he now was? tearing away his eyes from the lights he resumed his walk at a somewhat brisk pace. whatever had lodged itself in his throat earlier that evening was indeed remedied by the fresh air. it was quite sharp when he opened the door. better head back before i catch something a small voice in his head suggested unconvincingly.

his feet however didnt oblige and continued down a path less illuminated. luc didnt realise he had strayed away from the well lit street he was on until much later. his frown deepened. how did he get here? was i that deep in my head? looking around he didnt recognise where he was. the lack of lighting was unsetteling but not anything he wasnt used to.

the dark was an ally of his you see. in the shadows lurk all that we cannot, or wish not, to comprehend and face. it was quite poetic almost to think that his namesake was once a being of light, shunned to the dark. and the dark welcomed him. made him their leader. living under his reign of terror as beings of the night. night. night...

it was late. they had a late night dinner and it was late. worse it was new years eve and all sorts of shady people roam these streets looking for some weak creature to set their fangs in at the best of times, tonight drunken scuffles would break out and the last thing he needed was another gunshot anywhere on his being.

theo hated seeing him hurt he thought softly. he hadnt noticed the light rain that began to fall. he was too busy thinking of his little dove waiting for him at home. home. it was home was it not where one was with loved ones was it not? he blinked. had armund spiked the food with something? what was all this sentimentality? disgusting.

he was going soft at his old age he joked to himself, features easing as he recognised the familiar sign of a deli around the corner of his home. it could barely be called one if he was honest. nothing about it was cosy or inviting, save maybe the blankets he and theo would huddle underneath when he was younger. the corners of his mouth twitched this time and he allowed himself a small smile.

his throat threatened to close once more for mysterious reasons when he suddenly found himself face to face with the wet cobblestone of the road. he barely had a second to register what had happened before he heard bullets being fired. fuck.

just what he was missing on this fine evening. he never left the house without a knife on him, a small one he hid in a holster theo had drawn a flower on, but todays romantic stroll under the rain wasnt planned. for some reason he was unable to flip himself on his back. tasting iron he raised his head slightly and stared at the river of red pooling around him.

if it was the adrenaline, the blood loss, or something entirely different hed never know, but it took him embarassingly long to realise that no one had spilled wine on the pavement, and that in fact it was his own blood staining the ground beneath him. when he did manage to get himself back on his feet he was knocked back down though this time he was on his back. and if he didnt know better hed say a vampire had tackled him to the ground.

the clarity was slowly but surely returning to him. his left shoulder was now starting to burn and he could feel his blood vessels make up for their fallen brethren, and the feel of the cold hard ground beneath him was starting to get on his nerves. scowling at the figure hovering on top of him, he wriggled and tried to assess his situation. the call of his name, his birth name, made the air in his lungs momentarily leave. then the life force slowly seeping out of him crashed right back in and with a vengenace.

his neck snapped to glare at the stranger who fittingly winced under the hellish gaze of hell on earths leader. the fuckwad wasnt even pinning him down properly. what is wrong with people these days? had they no dignity? pulling himself out of his thoughts, he kicked the stranger in the groin with as much force as he could muster and lost no time pulling his knees to his chest and shoving him off while he gasped in shock and pain. the idiot then did nothing. nothing.

now on his knees, panting from the sudden burst of exertion, and slightly light headed, luc snapped of his necklace and pressed to the offenders neck. it was an inverted cross, metal but not sharp enough to do enough harm, but they didnt know that. he knew more than anyone that confidence was very convincing, what with his line of work. and he can be very persuasive.

he was now able to get a better look at his would be murderer or whatever if he wasnt such a fucking pathetic excuse of a human being. he wasnt even trying. he wasnt even trying. what the fuck?! in any case the fucker who had long dark hair wet with a mixture of sweat and rain was unnervingly still despite lucs hand being around his throat while the other was slowly digging with the cross into the pale flesh of his skin.

luc couldnt shake of the feeling that this was somehow familiar to him. the strangers face was facing away from him so he couldnt exactly make out his features, but he was clearly much taller and stronger than him; he was pinning him down with a knee pressed into his shoulder and the other squarely above his heart. he meant to ask who the fuck he was and what he wanted, the whole nine yards, but the words died in his throat. he knew he didnt have much left before his left arm gave out. he could avoid hypovolemia only so many times.

he pressed the metal further into the assailants neck to force himself to stay conscious till he drew blood. and then he chuckled. the audacity. luc would be lying if he said he wasnt starting to feel on edge. fuckass was laughing at him and his heart was pounding in his ears still. tonight wasnt going to end well.

"fuck you" was the only thing luc managed. short and sweet. he made sure to spit it with as much venom he could. and the dark haired stranger let out another chuckle.

"if you wanted me dead you would have killed me already. whats the hold up?" well he wasnt wrong he thought, seething. the faster he got rid of the dipshit the better, but he still didnt figure out who he was or how he knew his name. could this all be a very very badly times coencidence and nothing more? stranger things have happened.

his thoughts were ricocheting off of each other and his head was filling with useless shit. what the hell was wrong with him tonight? and the smirk. bastard. the smirk was making whatever blood still in his system boil. finally, what seemed to be an eternity later, tall dark and fucking incompetent craned his neck and turned to look at luc

"havent you recognised me yet old man?" dick. i still had no idea who he was, but my subconscious was starting to put 2 and 2 together.

"were the same age fuckass." any moment now i could feel it. on the tip of my tongue. come on. so close

"i wear it better." he grinned and something in my chest stopped, skipped a beat, and dropped all together. how? when? why? who?

lucs eyes widened, and the strangers grin broadened. "missed me?" he asked. the fucking nerve on this man was unreal. old habits die hard i suppose. good thing too. he could no longer keep his eyes open.

falling to the cold ground for the third time that same evening, luc never felt so ridiculous in his life. there was no fucking way in fucking hell his unspoken dying words were going to be the name of his ex.

frankly he couldnt come up with something more pathetic if he tried. if this was it he was going cursing him till his ears bled from the profanities. there was no gracious way to go about bleeding out in your exs arms. he was cornered. fuck.

despite everything he called out to him. barely above a whisper. the reply was somehow even quieter, but to his own ears it could be heard on the other side of the country.

"right here".

a last stupid thought crossed his mind. biting his lip luc muttered something that made titi snort and bonk his head with his own. smiling slightly, he knew hed be fine. he closed his eyes.

"thats what you said."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

heres a mercy doodle to make up for my atrocious everything <3

will picked her the flower :')

all rights reserved to @sunshines-child lol. serotonin is one hell of a drug lemme tell u

i got sidetracked like 17 times writing this. like it was supposed to be 2 paragraphs but my brain was like lol nope. gotta set the scene. jerk

also, not proofread. i have no idea if the tenses and pronouns make any sense. rip my last braincell. idk its whatever. for the wiggles :D

also also, this is not at all what i had in mind. purely off the top of my head. w i l d.

[shower-phantom-ideas]

Shit take no one wants but Danny wouldnt trust any of the batfam. Like not a one of them.

Boy isnt trained like they are to notice peoples habits and tiks but he has one hell or a vibe check. He can’t tell they are hiding something everytime one approached him to try and see if hes a mata and or alright.

Some of them are clearly not ok by a living human standard but Danny isnt gonna out himself to weird vibe strangers. He didn’t even tell his sister now did he? He probably would t have told(watch this) Tucker and Sam if they hadn’t of been there.

Now I aint sayin he wouldnt reach out as Phantom to like check on their ectoplasm and maybe help em out, lord knows Jason could use some helpin out in that department. I also aint sayin the batfam would figure him out, they do be smart. But if Danny is in Gothem and he comes across a Bat in gear and outta gear hes probably gonna put two and two together. I always operate on ghostking au so im assuming hes gotten better at recognising ecto signatures.

Lord knows if it’s Jason/redhood than hes gonna for sure notice that one.

[dzvelinaskebiyars]

(Cont This is the last one I promise)

Honestly i think the more he starts to realize how much he genuinely loves/depends on you the more kinda unhinged he gets. Yes hes happy that finally he can have someone to call his own but at the same time, where were you. Where were you 5 years ago, 10 years ago. Why did it take him so long to find this happiness that he so desperately longed for. How dare you come to him now. When he is this.

Eventually i think the relationship would hit a breaking point where either izana is able to come to terms with the fact that you wont leave him like his mom did or he'll be stuck pushing you away yet at the same time desperately clinging to you. For the bad end, if you werent already privy to his gang activities hed probaby drag you into them so you couldnt escape/become more dependent on him. Or if you were hed betray you to save his own heart. It wouldnt be the first time hes done it. And it certainly wouldnt be the last. Or he could just ghost you and you never hear from him again. The name Izana kurokawa becoming nothing but an open ended word for what could have been. But, maybe, just maybe, in the timeline where he makes it to 2018. Maybe you guys could spend your days taking care of fish and watering plants together.

Sorry this was so long, I just recently finished the series and I'm hooked.

GIRLIE WHAT SERIES. TELL ME THE NAME ASAP. You wrote three huge paragraphs and I got so excited fdcscbcczxd I NEED that series too.

Tho I agree. Relationship with Izana would be toxic and you wrote fair reasons why. I genuinely think it'd be better if you (reader) wouldn't know about his gang activities because that way, it'd take less time to get him trust you even just a bit. Because gangsters most of the time have ulterior motives, especially with leaders. But still, it's hard for him to simply put his trust in you after everything he has been gone through so it might even take years of "friendship" to be his lover. Plus he'd have hard time recognising that he's in love. Like why does he feels like that around you? Why is his stomach doing that weird thing when he sees you? Why can't he just stop staring at you? Why are you always his thoughts? He'd be very confused at first and that'd be reason why he would push you away. Because he's confused and kind of....Nervous? But then he'd be the one who'd cling to you after that, going back to how you two used to be and etc. That would also scare him off slightly but soon or later he'd realise that he's in love with you. But he wouldn't take that very well because he doesn't even know what love is and he genuinely doesn't want to get hurt again. So, he'd ghost you lot but he'd also the be first running to your embrace. It's like hot and cold, yk. He really needs to heal from his trauma, otherwise relationship would be very toxic. In the future, I can see things working out better.

[imab00kwh0r3]

babel, and why i love it (SPOILERS!!!!)

ok im terribly late to reading it, for its not sold in many places where i live, so i found the pdf luckily.

babel is a book about colonialism and racism and oppression, it is about revolution and battling your inner conscience (in my opinion at least, i'll elaborate later). it tells the story of robin swift coming to the prestigious royal institute of translation or better known as babel, where during his yrs there he discovers that the glamourous oxford university isnt such a righteous place. his loyalty is tested, blood is shed and tears fall which leads up to a revolution to stop an incoming war.

there are many reviews regarding how its racist to white ppl (which is astounding to even think about) and that its not accurate as women werent allowed to go to university in the 1830s but im not going to talk about that, that much. i wanted to speak on the actual translation/language aspect of it.

throughout the book, translation and language r some of the main themes (obviously) but the impact it has on the people, both in the book and irl is smth i havent seen anyone mention. language isnt just a form of communication but it is part of our culture, it is part of our identity, and during colonial times many languages suffered, they were being erased as they were "barbaric" or "strange" they were banned and anyone who spoke them was punished like in victoires chapter. robin, ramy and victoire all can barely speak their native languages, robin has almost fogotten cantonese, ramy has very basic knowledge of bengali and victoire is never given a chance or is permitted to speak in haitian creole. they lost one of the main things that connects them to their motherland, they only have their appearance left. they will never be able to talk to their ppl properly.

victoire was frustrated that haitian creole isnt recognised as a proper language like how in their exams, her match-pair wouldnt be counted properly as haitian creole wouldnt be used much hence its "useless" in the eyes of prof. leblanc. she was beaten when she would speak haitian croele in her house in france. when she first came to babel she was correcting herself from "kreyol" to "haitian creole" and was unsure if she could even study it.

robin realised that prof.lovell actually knew more than him about his own language, his mother tongue. he could barely stand being back in canton and he felt isolated in a way as everything changed and was new and so was the language even though he was born hearing and speaking it.

not much is talked about this with ramy except that he barely knows bengali, even though hes fluent in english, latin, greek, arabic, persian and urdu. he knows 6 languages and in his chapter he is sed to "absorb languages like a sponge" and that he recited poems or writing in other languages he didnt know perfectly, even down to tone, only after having it read to him once but he barely knows his mother tongue.

this relates to modern times as many languages of previously colonised countries rely on english words like in india u will barely hear the word pathshala, instead u will hear school. in mauritian creole when people speak they will slip in english words, like "netwai whiteboard la" which means clean the whiteboard.

we dont know our language fully because of the erasure of them.

theres also 1st gen immigrant children where their mother tongue is smth they barely hear or they forgot after a while, they feel so incredibly disconnected once they realise. this is how robin is and this is how i am too, i was born in europe, then at 7 i moved to england and now im somewhere entirely different, i dont remember my mother tongue, i dont dream in it. which ultimately makes u lose ur voice in a metaphorical way.

u cant speak because u dont know how.

another important thing is the purposeful mistranslations and burning of books, thats not fully discussed in the book although it would have been a nice touch. colonisers purposefully mistranslated things to control the masses because when they burnt our books, they burnt our language, knowledge and people. and the exploitation of our languages like the statue at univ of william jones sitting at desk and 3 hindu sages on the floor infront of him exists, and how missionaries were taught our languages to help in conversion.

now onto the 1830s inaccuracies and racism:

its the fucking 1830s do u think white ppl were nice to poc at this time, like slavery just ended in the eyes of the law for britain but still continued in other places like america. reverse racism doesnt exist, white ppl can be prejudiced against but u lot r not oppressed and never will be, u lot wont be killed for being white, so stop crying. and about the women wouldnt be at university in the 1830s thing its fiction, r.f. kuang took some liberties.

and that is all i have to say, dont start an argument, anyways babel is great, go read it!!

[dangerliesbeforeyou]

oh man ok i need to gush about moonlight chicken for a second lol

i adored how this show didnt shy away from the messiness of real life and relationships! like u hav a single gay working class man desperately trying to make ends meet and struggling with the guilt of his past lover having died tragically whilst bringing up his nephew who wants to be taken seriously and finally fly the nest to live his own life whilst at the same time navigating his crush on a lonely deaf boy who just wants to be understood and respected. and then you have a man stuck in relationship limbo where he's unable to let go of his past love but also yearning to move on and free them both from the pain they cause each other... and that's not even to mention the side characters who deal with the loss of parents, unfaithful partners, unplanned pregnancies, trying to be a better mother to your son, etc...

no one was a villain, instead you had a group of people who needed to grow and learn in a very natural way, and that's just so refreshing to see! honestly one of my fav parts of the story is that rather than inventing some arbitrary dramatic reason for wen and alan to break up, it just happened because their love had fizzled out, a thing that happens all the time in real relationships! and even though their love had died, it was still obvious that they cared deeply for one another which made both of them trying to move on so much more painful...

so much of this show was about the cycles of emotional abuse that can develop when you're stuck in the past... jim is unable to see a happy future for himself because he blames himself for beam's death, and he let's that anger and resentment inform how he treats li ming. wen is ignoring the messiness of his relationship with alan in favour of pursuing jim, but knows deep down that neither will be able to truly move on unless he deals with the situation. even heart's parents are stuck unable to relate to or be willing to understand their deaf son as they continue to isolate him from the outside world, thinking that it will protect him but all it does is make him even more lonely!

idk i just loved how the show focused so much on living in the moment. that the past is fixed and the future is uncertain, but there will always be now where you can always find some glimmer of joy and optimism.

and then there's ofc the queer element of the show where we get to see how internalised and external homophobia exist as perimeters to queer people being able to truly be themselves. one of the most heart wrenching scenes is at beam's funeral where his parents come up to jim and effectively tell him that because he and beam weren't married, he has no legal rights to any of the things they had worked so hard for together! and this is something you hear time and time again, both historically and now, where queer couples in countries that dont recognise gay marriage or even civil partnerships are denied so much (particularly when one of them dies) because their relationship is deemed illegitimate by law.

jim as a character has internalised this so much that when he finds out his nephew is gay, he lashes out (in one of the funniest scenes ever, mind you lol... literally the whole 'why are you gay, isn't being poor enough of a challenge!?' thing is gonna stick in my mind forever i love it sm lol) because he knows first hand how hard it is to be a queer man in a society that still doesnt fully accept you! (and it rly showed the disparity between him, a working class man, and wen, someone from a middle class/wealthy background when it comes to queerness that i don't think gets discussed as much... cos the fact of the matter is that for a long time queerness /was/ effectively reserved for wealthy people, as working class people wouldnt have had as much of a choice in how they could live their lives, so jim's reticence when it comes to accepting li ming's (and his own) queerness is directly tied to how being poor doesnt always allow you the luxury of simply 'being yourself'...)

and i think it was especially interesting that this show didnt present homophobia in individualistic terms. we don't get a character calling them slurs or saying that they're wrong for being gay, instead we get systemic and societal prejudices showing up in insidious ways, which feels so much more realistic! (like even jam, who is presented as having outdated and homophobic opinions, isnt presented as some evil villain. she's just a product of a homophobic society that teaches people being gay is a sad way of living, and she has to unlearn that as both her brother and son prove her wrong!)

i honestly could (and probably will) go on but yeh... this show man... this show