#and eating spaghetti with mustard

[yummycrummy]

made a fandude 🔥

[morethansalad]

Greek Salad Stuffed Spaghetti Squash (Vegan-Friendly)

[marclef]

(warning, incoming Walls of Text up ahead! you have been warned!!)

today's lesson starts us off many months prior, in a tower built by a crazed, pizza-headed freak with a love for the "mad scientist" sort of thing. and so, let's ask ourselves the same question he did: "what are the perfect ingredients for making a clone of Peppino Spaghetti?"

well, for starters, you're gonna need some of that Peppino DNA, that's essential! some old, thrown-out pizza from the dumpsters behind his pizzeria couldn't hurt either, helps make a gooey and strong body for the new creation! (plus, who knows how much Peppino is on that thing... can't hurt to add it!)

but, there's something missing, gotta be a bit more to add to this thing to help keep it stable. well, what did they use in that one movie with all the cool dinosaurs and parks and stuff?

jackpot!!! an unlabeled container of Frog DNA (that DEFINITELY was not carelessly swiped from a nearby research facility 👀) this'll do perfectly, and surely there's no way that the type of frog this DNA is from will have unfathomably-large consequences in the future! .... right?

.... oh dear.

but... let's go forward a good couple years or so! the Pizza Tower's been crumbled to dust for months now, things are going well. in that time Fake Peppino, Peppino's noticeably-froggy clone has "moved in" with Peppino (aka, Peppino couldn't get him to leave and gave up trying), and Noise/Noisette have gotten children of their own! Poppy and Mustard, two little babies that Noisette allows Fake Peppino to babysit often! he does a good job, he knows to be careful with them since they're his friend's tiny creations after all!

(reusing an old drawing, ah well, ignore how big Eyhm is here 👁👁💧)

Fake Peppino is good at caring for the two babies, as well as Eyhm, who he treats similarly and knows to protect. it's like something in his mind is wired that way, to protect and care for things much smaller than him... (besides rats. rats are delicious.)

it's strange though.... caring for the young ones like that, it makes Fake Peppino feel very different, as if he was always MEANT to be a caring parent like that. maybe, in his mind, he's gotten the feeling that, maybe having little babies to care for wouldn't be so bad...

until one day... he starts feeling strange. much hungrier than usual, it gets to the point that Peppino has to kick Fake Peppino out after eating nearly every edible thing within the pizzeria. but once he wanders over to Noisette's Cafe and eats his fill, he's alright, and finds his way back to Peppino's to pass out all full.

the next few days, though, he's not hungry at all. sure, after the first day he'd be full for a while, but even after that there's no more urge to eat. he's confused, and Peppino even more so. and yet, even though he's not eating, he still feels full regardless...

one night, Fake Peppino struggles to fall asleep, feeling uncomfortable, like his stomach is turning. and then, in the middle of the night, the strangest thing... little croak-like sounds, and a lurching feeling...

and, hearing a commotion outside, Peppino wakes up and goes out, only to see:

The Fakelings 🐸

5 little wads of frog-like goop, all croaking and squeaking away. if only Pizzahead had watched the entire dinosaur movie... he'd known that adding Frog DNA to his clone was a bad idea! so now here we are: a Fake Peppino that, simply by wishing for children, has gotten his body to unintentionally made them. but, let's take a look at these little things.

small, barely bigger than a football. they look like miniature little Fakes, with stubby little limbs and no back legs yet, just a simple black tail. they've got no teeth yet either, just a tiny mouth with a big tongue. the instant Fake sees them though, he falls in love; it's like instinct awakens, and his mind instantly shifts to caring for them as best he can.

now... that Frog DNA is kicking in full force though... and Fake has very interesting ways of keeping them safe, at least the first few days of life. the babies cannot move well on their own, and so Fake Peppino tends to carry them around, in a matter similar to his Froggy origins. when they're tired, or simply want to be comfy, he will carefully swallow them and keep them in his stomach, which is non-functioning and "safe" for the next couple weeks. Peppino and the others think it's weird... but Fake couldn't be happier, and he only wants to keep his babies safe.

that parental instinct hits him very strong though.... very strong. so much so, he might end up seeing those that he's already caring about similarly to one of his own...

(... oh dear..... well, at least she'll be safe.)

the babies grow fast though, just as Fake Peppino did. it's only a matter of time until they've gotten bigger, and formed into a much more "solid" body!

at over 1 week of age, they've doubled in size, already much bigger than Eyhm... who has become an honorary big sister, regardless whether she wants to be 👀💧 but they are gentle, and care about Eyhm very much, just as their father does! their limbs are more pronounced now, and they have true hind legs! they're noticeably frog-shaped... a side effect of Fake's DNA, they are growing up to be more "froggy" in appearance than he is!

they've grown up being fed by Fake, but at this age, they will start scavenging around the pizzeria for food of their own. unfortunately for Peppino, what qualifies as "food" tends to vary wildly... many things around the pizzeria will be snatched up, from scraps on the floor to non-edibles like plates and cutlery. at least Fake Peppino will try to stop them if he catches them eating something they can't properly absorb.

after this point, they will grow even quicker than before, and slowly become more independent. they'll spend less time resting with Fake Peppino, which is probably a good thing.... they're getting a bit too large for that.

poor Fake. but it's nicer to comfort them and relax with hugs and the sort, anyways.

but with their rapid growth, and a much quicker aging than standard humans, they will grow up very quickly!

at one month, and they're starting to look much more like tiny little Fakes! they can stand on their hind legs now, though they still crawl much more often. and most importantly, their mouths have grown little teeth, not as strong as Fake Peppino's are, but still very capable of a powerful bite! but with that, a whole new world is opened up to them... now that they can chew, and they have a strong urge to bite anything they see fit!

nothing in the pizzeria is safe. legs, faces, tables, chairs, everything is going to be chomped on to test its strength. usually after a test bite, they'll have determined whether or not what they've bitten is for eating. tables and chairs are not tasty, but legs taste interesting and usually result in a funny scream. Fake Peppino does scold them if they go to far though, and will generally not allow them to hurt anybody (unless your name is Theodore.) though biting and chewing things is fun play, Real Peppinos and Big Sisters are not for eating!!

so... where do they go from here? the Fakeling babies will continue to grow, and after a few months, are independent enough to go out on their own. a story for another time.... but don't worry, that time won't be long! but for now, it's time to rest, and let Fake Peppino have a nice long nap for the hard work he's done.

until next time! 😉

[glacierclear]

Can I... can I ask for some househusband Leon hcs?

alright. okay. we're gonna work with a few assumptions for these headcanons.

this all comes from the hypothetical of leon being fully retired from his line of work. he still has the same backstory, skillset, traumas, everything, it's just...now he's your loyal house husband!

cooking? this all depends on where he's at in life. mid-30s and onward? he's a chef. i don't believe he'd be terribly gourmet about it. you aren't coming home to a roasted duck served with a reduced wine glaze and a perfectly made risotto...but god. he can make some damn fine spaghetti. he'd likely shoot for simple dishes, with perhaps an added flair or two. homemade burgers. lots of steak dinners. he'd prefer anything that can be prepared with minimal mess. recipes that are made with one pot or one pan...a big hit for him. he is not a pretentious eater, and that would reflect in his cooking.

now, if we're talking early to late-20s leon? erm. well. let's just say he's learning. his transition from zombie apocalypse policeman to military meat shield didn't do much for his cooking skills. and a diet of MREs and scrounged up viper parts did even less. if post-re4 leon is your house husband you're gonna be eating a lot of questionable meals. he's not completely oblivious. he won't try and feed you absolute slop, but his abilities don't much exceed kraft mac and scrambled eggs. still! he's a domestic man now. plenty of free time to try out all sorts of new things in the kitchen! be on standby with a fire extinguisher when he decides 3am is a great time to make fried chicken from scratch!

leon's independent food preferences likely revolve around utility. protein. nutrition. careful rations. compact energy a growing boy needs to kill bioweapons. he doesn't strike me as having a particularly strong sweet tooth, but he also won't say no to a bit of dessert! but he's adaptable, of course. one must be in his line of work. your tastes and favored dishes will influence his palate a lot. he'll naturally associate flavors with you and will, over time, come to adopt a lot of your dietary choices.

cleaning? leon will do his best. you can count on him to not accidentally mix mustard gas in your bathroom, but his knack for cleanliness would be...odd. i choose to believe leon has a strict standard for bodily hygiene. his extended exposure to all manner of glop and viscera means he strives to smell nice and stay on top of dirt the best he can when he is able to...on his body. a house is different. he's never had to see it as a home, merely an empty room where he sleeps and eats. so maintaining it as a tidy space might not come naturally, and it's not as if he had a proper upbringing to teach him proper housekeeping techniques (cough, cough, he's an orphan).

man's a fast learner though. expect a lot of trial and error. him accidentally using glass cleaner on the stove. or not understanding the exact purpose of fabric softener. why do we need make our bed if we're just gonna sleep in it and mess it up again? he likely has a lot of bad habits from living on his own, but gentle guidance and persistent advice will go a long way.

of course, leon needs his private time. space for him to isolate and be alone...but, you're at work all day. the loneliness is easily accessible, and now that he has all the time and freedom to be with you...it's grating. his favorite sound is the noise your key makes when it unlocks the front door. he's careful, not incredibly overbearing, but you don't make it more than a few steps into your home before his head is poking around the corner. "how was your day? you look tired. here, let me take your coat off-" leon is a listener. he doesn't talk about himself much, if at all, so he'd prefer to just hear you ramble on about whatever you need to or want to. neck rubs. gentle squeezes on your arm. light kisses on your brow. he doesn't smother. he doesn't drown you in the touch he's so starved of. but you can tell, he misses you a lot.

the real issues will probably stem from the quiet. the absolute lack of danger. take a person out of their traumatic environment and things start crumbling real fast before they can start to heal. he's hyper-aware. paranoid. has all this pent up energy and an instinct to fight. and he has to redirect it all somewhere, right? it'd come out in bizarre ways. diy projects. you come home from work and he built you a fucking chair. you don't even need a chair, but now you have one. lots of yard work. he renovated your patio and set up a birdhouse (also handmade). you didn't really want him to rearrange your living room but he did it anyways.

and it's hard for him to relax. for him to feel truly safe. he'd insist on installing locks on all the doors. bulletproof windows. guns hidden and stashed in corners of the house, just in case. any tech that could impede on his privacy (ie, amazon echos, doorbell cameras, etc) are out of the question. he'd run you through drills and hypothetical scenarios. make sure you know what to do in any situation. he's vigilant, and honestly, you've never felt safer, but it wears him down and you aren't sure if it's truly good for him.

[gaybitchfx]

Can I get cloud x pregnant Omega reader quq

-❄️ Character(s): Cloud S.

-❄️ Type of reader: M!Reader

-❄️ Category: SFW + a/b/o

-❄️ Warning(s): intentional lowercase ✨

-❄️ Edited: ❌

since the day cloud had found out you were pregnant, he had no choice but to melo down on the adventures.

of course, it bummed him out yes, but what made him look past that difficulty was you carrying a little human being inside you that was his.

and with each month he’d get happier and happier and happier despite your mood swings and odd cravings in the middle of the night. such as right now.

“cloud…” you whispered as you shook your mate, him not waking up. “cloud!!” you shouted, this time giving him a good punch and waking him up quickly.

“what- huh?” he mumbled as he sat up and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. “the baby is hungry..” you said with a soft smile as if you didn’t nearly knock the wind out of him.

“is that so? what does it want this time?” cloud asked with a smile as he glanced at your belly, you were already nearing the end of your second trimester.

“mmmm chocolate, chip, and peanuts. oh and pickles.” you said making cloud nod his head. and so here you two were at the supermarket getting what you wanted, you happily waddling alongside him as if you were a penguin.

“is there anything else our baby wants?” cloud asked and you looked to the side to think for a bit. “mustard on spaghetti.” now that was a new one, but of course, cloud did everything his mate wanted and got whatever he needed as well as what the baby needed.

when the two of you got home you happily ate, your body relaxed till you felt a small bit of pressure on a certain part of your stomach making you stop eating.

“what’s wrong?” cloud asked, worry laced in his voice since you looked concerned but also surprised. motioning him over you grabbed his hand and placed it on your stomach where he could feel the baby do a singular strong kick.

it took cloud a while to process what had happened but when he did my god was he happy, his hands moving all around your belly as his eyes practically lit up with each kick or little punch.

“they’re so active in there just like you.” you giggled and ruffled his hair when he placed his head on your stomach softly.

since that day the baby has done nothing but kick and god was it getting annoying and tiring. seeing as how you were barely able to sleep at night made cloud feel sympathetic towards you.

“please little one let your papa sleep..” you sighed and rubbed your stomach softly, the baby kicking a few times or moving in protest. cloud sat up and stared down at your stomach, folding his arms.

“you want your papa to be happy right? if so let him get some sleep and in the morning you can play all you want ok?” cloud said softly and after a couple, of more kicks, punches, and small movements the baby had stopped making you sigh relieved.

“you’re welcome.” cloud smiles and kisses your lips as you hummed a thank you already starting to fall asleep.

neither of you could wait for this baby to be born, especially since you were the one carrying it, and over time it was just getting heavy and made you feel tired all the time.

-❄️tags: @jkloserdazai @reallyromealone @lostsomewhereinthegarden

[multiversemaker169]

Inside out: More incorrect quotes.

1.Sadness: We need a distraction.

Anger: Is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making weird noises?

Envy, whispering: My time has come.

2.Joy: Have you eaten today?

Anxiety: ...I had a Monster—

Joy: Have you drank any water?

Anxiety: ...I had a Monster—

3.Sadness: Sorry I’m late, everyone! I broke down on the way.

Embarrassment: Oh no! Is your car okay?

Sadness: …what car?

4.Anger: Sadness, wake up!

Sadness, half asleep: Five more minutes…

Anger: You’ve been in a coma for two years!

Sadness: …

Sadness: Okay, two more minutes…

5.Anger: Did you know spiders can hold 8 guns at once?

Fear: How does it WALK??

Anger:

Anger: Did you know spiders can hold 7 guns at once?

6.Envy: I am darkness. I am an power. I am your worst nightmare. I could kill a man in more ways than you can imagine. I am the night. I am fury, I am a weapon, I am-

Sadness: A doll.

Ennui: A cinnamon roll.

Anxiety: A sweetheart.

Envy:

Envy: ...stop it.

7.Anxiety: You can't wake up if you never got to sleep.

8.Anger: I called you like ten times! Why didn’t you pick up?

Joy: *remembers dancing to the ringtone*

Joy: I didn’t hear it.

9.Fear: Wait. Where's Anxiety? She loves Dungeons and Dragons.

Sadness: I thought you invited her.

Anger: Uh, I thought Disgust invited her.

Disgust: I thought Ennui invited her.

Ennui: I never invited her.

10.Joy, learning how to drive: What happens if I press the gas and the brake at the same time?

Ennui: The car takes a screenshot.

Anger: For the last time, get the fuck out!

11.Sadness: I have a bad feeling about this...

Envy: What do you mean?

Sadness: Don't you ever get that little voice in your head that tells you if you're going to get into trouble?

Envy: No?

Disgust: That actually explains so much.

12.Sadness: Can I have some?

Joy, mouth full of cheesecake: It's really spicy, you wouldn't like it.

13.Disgust: I love being right. It’s one of my favorite personality traits.

14.Anger: I will send my army to attack!

Anger: *releases a dumpster of raccoons*

15.Anxiety, running: Slow down, Joy, I can’t ketchup!

Joy, not slowing down: You’ll just have to use all the strength you can mustard.

16.*The Squad is on a hike*

Joy: It’s beautiful out here.

Sadness: And quiet.

Disgust: Too quiet.

Fear: Did we lose someone?

*cut to Anger with a bear in a headlock*

17.Fear: You shouldn't be using a straw.

Joy: I know, I know, it's bad for the environment and stuff.

Fear: Yeah, but I mean... it's a weird way to eat spaghetti.

18.Embarrassment: Any advice before Anger and I fight?

Ennui: Don’t wet yourself in public.

Embarrassment: Not the kind of advice I was looking for!

19.Anger: *mixing different alcoholic beverages together*

Anxiety: What are you making?

Anger: A mistake.

20.Anger: God has let me live another day, and I'm going to make it everyone's problem!

[haveyoureadthisfanfic]

If we're talking food combos that make people look at you weird, growing up my dad would always make spaghetti with mustard. Not like,,,on top, but he could cook it into the spaghetti meat instead of tomato sauce and now that's still my favorite way to eat it

Oh. Oh...no.

[mawofthemagnetar]

MAGNETAR'S CHICKEN SOUP

I'm home sick today so fuck it. Chicken soup recipie. If you are a professional chef, look away now. If you have ADHD and only intermittently have enough brain-juice to cook, like me, this recipe is for you. This makes a fuck-ton of soup that can be individually frozen for later, which is really handy because it makes many filling tasty meals with minimal effort.

YOU WILL NEED:

1 entire pre-cooked chicken from the rack at the grocery store. The whole thing. Don't eat it while it's on the counter. 1-2 entire white onions. Depends how much of an onion fan you are. I am a huge onion fan.

3-4 carrots.

3-4 celery sticks.

3-4 stalks of green onions

A box of ditali pasta and half a box of spaghetti

Spices: Salt, OREGANO, Basil, rosemary, mustard seeds. Optional, or if you're out of mustard seed: coriander.

you'll also need two large pots, and a sieve.

The instructions are long, so they're under the cut.

Chop all vegetables and put them aside on the counter.

Fill the big pot with water and put it on the stove. put the second pot aside.

Cut up the cooked chicken and cut out all the bones. put the bones, skin, and carcass in the pot and start boiling it. Bare minimum you want to boil it for like two hours, but you should really boil it for way longer- you're making stock out of the bones, so the longer you boil, the better. Generally speaking, when the water goes cloudy, you're on the right track.

chop up all the meat and put it aside.

fuck off to go play minecraft/skyrim/actually get some work done/write fic/ whatever while the stock simmers.

Whenever you get bored of waiting, or after enough time has passed, strain the bones out of the stock into the second pot, and KEEP THE WATER. KEEP. THE. WATER. DO NOT DRAIN THE WATER OUT YOU NEED THAT THAT'S LITERALLY YOUR SOUP.

okay, pour that back into your main pot after you have all the bones out. Now toss in all the veg and meat. Salt the water here- you'll need to taste it. When the soup tastes rich and rounded, that's enough. Don't over-salt or you'll wreck it.

okay now toss in all your spices.

If the water level is low, add another glass of water.

Fuck off for another 10-20 minutes, set a timer on your phone while it all cooks. When the onions go clear, you're done.

Toss in the pasta.

Cook for another 10 minutes.

Once the pasta is soft, you're done.

And that's it. That's my soup. I am not a great cook, but I hope this is helpful to...someone.

Enjoy!

[unbranded-chaos]

are

you going

to eat

that crazy food?

can i please

have some of

it too?

oh i hope

that it

does not

give you indigestion

that

was once

a

true phantasy of mine.

———

SHUCKS ITS FUSSING BONKERS AT THE FARMERS MARKET

WE DROVE THE GOSH DANG JEEP AND THERES NO PLACE TO PARK IT

WHAT THE FUSS

CUSS

CHECK OUT THAT

LAZY

DUDE WITH ALL THAT

CRAZY FOOD

Handing ample samples out to known customers

Fussing find thag punk if shucks ever gets dire gosh dang he’s superman!

who the hecks his supplier?

RAPUNZEL RAPUNZEL LET DOWN YOUR SPAGHETTI

seriously though

he’s packing chow like confetti?

READY?

shucks uhm

Allspice, amaranth, artichoke, acai Banana, barley, basil, bay leaves, bok choi chai Seitan pot pie, marbled rye Bedhi’d black eyed peas, bing cherries Chioggia beets, hold the meats, gooseberries Cayenne chestnut, chia, coconut, custard Dahlia dates, saffron, dijon mustard (YOU’RE FLUSTERED!!!!) Durian, curry, kale, kasava Clove, eggplant, flax, demitasse, kava Garlic, kumquat, lychee, oca root Jalapeños, garbanzos, starfruit, snakefruit Lavender, lime, karela, kohlrabi Juniper, jak, wakame, wasabi Papaya, papalo, marigold, mango Oregano, sake, lemon, luo han guo, Kiwi, catnip, carolina reaper, Egusi, icaco(why cant this be cheaper??), Poppies, asparagus, Queen Anne’s carrots Broccoli, a gac,

and thatsll take care of us

YOU HAVE MORE???

WHERE FOURTH DOES THOUST OBTAIN SUCH CRAZY FOOD THOU CRAZY FUSS????

COLLARD GREENS BUTTER BEANS VANILLA

POMEGRANATE PINEAPPLE SARSAPARILLA

RAMBUTAN DRAGONFRUIT TAPIOCA

ATEMOYA AKEBIA ROSE MOCHA

AMANITA MUSCARIA CHIVE POTATOES

WATERCRESS SPROUTS QUINOA TOMATOES

PARSLEY SAGE ROSEMARY

Almost seems like this should be illegal.

(Will these even FIT in the veichle???)

…

…

WATERMELON MARIJUANA RHUBARB

TAMARIND TARRAGON TURNIP SWISS CHARD

BLUEBERRY CARAWAY FENNEL CACAO

BOYSENBERRY CUMIN CANTALOUPE (😨)

CELERY SESAME YAM ANISE ZENIA

KOLAS GRANOLAS MARCONAS GARDENIAS

LENTIL CABBAGE VITAL WHEAT GLUTEN WIENER

GHOST PEPPER MUENSTER GEWURZTRAMINER

APPLE FIG PEAR PEACH

PINE HAZEL WALNUT BEECH

SPELT MILLET TEFF TARO

SHALLOT GINGER MACA FARRO

YARROW KALENDULA KOMBU CHLORELLA

CILANTRO PECAN CITRON PORTOBELLA

PUMPKIN RADISH ONION RICE

GINKGO OLIVE MAPLE ICE

THYME STRAWBERRY

PAPAYA CATTAIL SHERRY

MULBERRY PLUM MIMOSA

ARGYREIA NERVOSA

CUCUMBERS MAYPOPS SHAMROCKS

What's with the HEMLOCKS?!

BOURBON APRICOTS SOUR

TRUFFLE SAMPHIRE FLOWER

SQUASH ZUCCHINI MACARONI PORCINI VERMICELLI

AVOCADOS PISTACHIOS CINNAMON ROYAL JELLY

PERSIMMONS HEMP HEARTS GREEN GODDESS

CELASTRUS PANICULATUS

KOMBUCHA AND ORANGES.

Cash only?! Uhhhhh nevermind.

(something idk)

Guess who!!!!

hmmmm

i think it’s akaru, apollo, lea, or asher !!

also this looks like this was entirely typed by hand you good? /silly

[fbwzoo]

Officially got this boy eating mustard, collard, and dandelion greens (all good daily staple greens), and spaghetti squash! 🥰🥰 I'm so pleased to have him on a decent variety of both veggies & bugs now!!

We're trying butternut squash again next. Hoping to rotate him between those two & acorn for daily squashes. Then I can start adding other "occasional" veggies to his salads for additional variety & to see what else he likes.

He has a couple new bug orders coming soon too. I think his staples are going to be dubia roaches, BSF worms, and mealworms. With silkworms & grasshoppers when I can get them, and hornworms & waxworms as treats.

[punsmaster69]

15/JAN/20XX

"You've got to try harder than 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵, darling."

"AGH. I'm tryinggg!!"

frisk whined and tensed their shoulders in focus.

"I wouldn't be sucking so bad if my teammate wasn't doing NOTHING!!"

i received a sideways headbutt that didn't require them to drop their controller to do.

"for someone doing the work of two, you're holding up well, kiddo."

"I don't want to be doing two people's work!"

"Sans, I know you wanna let Papyrus win and all, but this is buttface behavior."

"MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST SWITCH TO CO-OP."

"go ahead. i'm gettin' something to eat."

"Me too!"

"alright."

papyrus and mettaton switched to two player mode, and frisk followed me to the kitchen.

"what sounds good?"

"I dunno. What've you got?"

they opened the fridge. container after container of spaghetti, some orange juice, door condiments, a jug of milk, and a mostly empty chip bag of mine. there's a note in papyrus' handwriting to go shopping soon.

tugging the freezer door open, i raised a bag of frozen pizza rolls to frisk.

"we'll have to wait for the oven, but-"

"Not necessarily."

they tilted their head in gesture to the microwave.

"....."

"i like your thinking, kid."

——

"Don't."

"what's stopping me?"

"I am. Don't do it."

'it' being ketchup on pizza rolls.

"EUUGUGH."

"..."

"Give me one."

"ok."

"NO. THAT'S AWFUL."

"I'm trying ranch."

"gimmie one."

"THAT- actually, it isn't the worst."

"here, mustard."

"...eeeh."

"I agree. 'Eh' is about right."

"mayonnaise?"

".....No.."

"I won't try that one."

"fair enough."

"SANS, STOP INDOCTRINATING FRISK INTO EATING TERRIBLE THINGS."

"Yeah, stop that."

"whoops."

"Chocolate sauce would be bad, right?"

"oh, abhorrent."

"i'll try."

"PAAHAH- YOUR EYE WENT DARK-"

"noit'sgoodyoushouldtryit,"

"That is NOT convincing."

but convincing enough, apparently.

they gagged.

"YOU'RE GOING TO POISON THE HUMAN, SANS."

"alright, alright. i think that's enough pizza roll ruining."

"......."

"Peanut butter. You won't."

"five bucks. do jelly."

(combined faces of disgust, and a loss of five dollars.)

——

finally sitting down, we shared a bowl of pizza rolls like a popcorn bucket as we watched mettaton and papyrus play.

"I'm surprised you didn't ruin your appetites with terrible combos."

mettaton leaned against papyrus as he played. papyrus suddenly started losing.

"you underestimate my ability to eat like trash."

"Not yours particularly. Mostly Frisk."

"teenager stomach."

"Could probably eat rocks and be fine."

frisk nodded confidently.

"I FEEL LIKE YOU MEAN THAT MORE LITERALLY THAN YOU SHOULD."

"you're gonna talk about eating rocks right in front of our pet rock?"

i dramatically shook my head in pretend disappointment.

they leaned in close and whispered to me.

"(I'll eat that one too.)"

"gasp."

"maniac."

"see? you're even giggling like one."

"this kid's a whacko."

they laughed harder. it was weirdly contagious.

"what a nutjob."

"You're my favorite short bonehead."

"and you're my favorite human."

"WHAT A COINCIDENCE! FRISK IS ALSO MY FAVORITE HUMAN!!"

"By default or not, I do agree. I don't know of any other humans who could parallel my own fabulousness."

"Awww."

"......."

"Sans, can you stop taking all the pizza rolls though?"

"snooze you lose."

"I can't believe you would treat your favorite human so harshly..."

"gotta show a little tough love sometimes."

"can't have you getting soft."

"That's just your excuse for being a poopy head."

"maybe it is."

i messed up their hair with my hand.

"You're gonna get pizza roll crumbs in my hair!"

"it'd be a fashion statement."

"Meanie."

"goober."

"DO ALL OF YOUR CONVERSATIONS DEVOLVE INTO MILD INSULTS..??"

"I can think of another person he does this with that's not Frisk."

"WHO ELSE AND WHY???"

"everyone gets the same treatment."

"It's the Sans experience."

you hear that? i'm an 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦.

[fandom-junk-drawer]

The Witcher Headcanon (Modern Au) - Error 404 Brain Not Found: Bonus Scene - Part 15

It started with Jaskier laughing at Yennefer sneezing her mouth full of salad on the kitchen table while he was in the middle of eating. A few bits of his ham and cheese sandwich tumbled out of his mouth, landing in his glass of tea. "F**khh--!"

"Ha!" Yennefer laughed, "That's what you get!"

Jaskier opened his mouth and showed Yennefer the rest of his chewed up sandwich just to be childish. It fell into his glass.

"Godsd*mmit!" He snarled vehemently as Yennefer cackled.

Geralt took the glass, stirred the mess with the straw, then handed it back to Jaskier and said, "I dare you to drink it!"

Jaskier hesitated for a second. He'd eaten worse. H*ll, he'd licked a gas station toilet seat once! This was nothing! It was just tea and some wet bread. He drank the soggy mess.

"Meh," he said with a shrug. "Kind of bland, actually."

Geralt took the glass and sniffed the little bit of sludge left at the bottom, then drank it. "I'd give it a 2 out of 10."

Jaskier took the glass back and poured in a little milk, added a handful of crumbled up crisps, a spoonful of mustard, and a splash of orange juice.

And unspoken contest had just begun. Yennefer watched mutely as Jaskier drank half the concoction, then passed the other half to Geralt. They both made faces and gave their opinions on the taste.

"That tastes like a f**ked up Dreamsicle!" Jaskier announced, making a face. Geralt gagging slightly on the crisp mush, nodded his agreement.

The glass was rinsed out, and this time, a soda was poured into it. Geralt added a handful of M&Ms, a piece of leftover fried fish from last night's dinner, mayonnaise, and a scoop of pineapple pieces into the blender. This was then poured into the glass of soda.

Geralt and Jaskier each drank some.

"EEaaaUUGGGHHHH!"

"HhhUURRRGhhh!"

"You're both morons!" Yennefer said, laughing at the faces they were making as they tried to get the taste out of their mouths.

The next 'drink' consisted of spaghetti, grape juice, Lucky Charms, soy sauce, and a Snickers bar. The drink was divided and then consumed. It was chunky, and Geralt was having a little trouble getting it down. He took a breath, and sucked it down in one go.

Jaskier was trying to drink his portion as fast as he could, trying not to think too much about the chunky bits. Yennefer was holding her breath when he gagged and she saw his cheeks puff up before he swallowed heavily with a shudder.

"That tasted horrid!" He said weakly.

"It wasn't that bad," Geralt claimed.

"Bullsh*t, I saw you gag, too! And you cheated! You did that guzzling trick, so of course you didn't really taste it!"

Uh-oh, they were arguing. Yennefer hoped that maybe this whole stupid game was going to end. Unfortunately no, it was not over yet. Her boys were dumber than she'd given them credit for.

"Okay," Geralt said, "Let's just blend them up really well, and drink them with straws."

"How about we each make one and split them?"

"Hm. Good idea!"

Jaskier's creation included broccoli, bacon grease, lemon juice, half a slice of supreme pizza, peanut butter crackers, half a bottle of A** Reaper Hot Sauce, and some crumbled up chocolate cake.

Geralt's mixture contained milk, raw eggs, some kind of powdered fruit-flavored drink mix, mustard, breakfast sausage, and two sardines.

"You're going to get sick!" Yennefer warned as she watched Geralt spoon a heaping mound of chili paste into the blender.

Geralt would probably just get a mild stomach ache, but Jaskier with his acid reflux? Oh, he was going to be hurting.

"Hm!" Geralt grunted dismissively

She tried one more time to be the voice of reason as the two morons divided the Horror Cocktails between them.

"Jaskier, babe, you probably shouldn't drink that. It's going aggravate your acid reflux. Remember what happened with the Firecracker shrimp--!"

"Hush, witch, this is man business!"

"Fine, give yourselves the sh*ts, "

"Where are you going?"

"To the back yard to dig the hole I'm going to bury your stupid a** in."

Jaskier stuck his tongue out at her while simultaneously giving her the finger as she left.

"Mine first!" Jaskier said, pouring half the slurry he'd made into two glasses. He added a straw to each, then pushed one glass over to Geralt. They clinked their glasses together, and seconds later, Geralt and Jaskier were sucking down the liquefied horror.

Their exclamations of revulsion could be heard all the way to Yennefer's bedroom. They were quickly followed by the sounds of two men who were convinced their tongues were on fire.

I'm living with dumba**es. Yennefer thought to herself as she listened to them drink the sludge Geralt had made, then curse and blow and pant and make gargling noises as they chugged milk to kill the burn.

She could picture it so clearly. Jaskier and Geralt dancing around the kitchen, swearing and panting. They would be huffing long breaths in through their mouths to cool the burning sensation. Their lips would be on fire.

Geralt had heard somewhere that hair absorbed the oils that caused the burning, so they would both be rubbing handfuls of Geralt's hair on their mouths and tongues.

The noises died down after a few minutes, and Yennefer went back to her book. Her peace was disrupted about an hour later by the sounds of two jacka**es experiencing stomach issues. Geralt was in the upstairs bathroom, and Jaskier was in the downstairs, both of them sh*tting what felt like liquid fire.

When the smell began seeping out into the rest of the house, Yennefer opened a few windows and shoved some towels into the gaps under the bathroom doors. She felt only a tiny bit bad about trapping her boys in there with the horrible stench, but hey, natural consequences.

Geralt was confused and mortified as he sat on the toilet in an expanding miasma that was making him gag. He was a Witcher, and he wasn't supposed to have problems like this! F**k, he could eat roadkill, or eat out of the garbage and be fine! Witchers were made to survive on anything, they weren't supposed to get the sh*ts from a little mixed up food! His bowels cramped painfully...

Jaskier was shaking on the downstairs toilet. His stomach and his a**hole were aflame. Oh gods, this was worse than the Firecracker Shrimp incident! The heartburn, the acid in the back of his throat, the fire in his guts... This was Hell. He was in Hell. There was no other place he could be. It was pain and misery, and was that brimstone he smelled? Phew! That was rancid! Oh, sh*t, he was drooling...

Geralt: *unintelligeble cursing*

Jaskier: *barfing and sh*tting simultaneously*

Geralt: *terrifying explosive noises*

Jaskier: My a**hole's on fire!

Yennefer did the only thing she could think of to help in the situation. She cranked the volume of the stereo up, and played "Ring of Fire" by Johnny Cash.

Howls of outrage and distressed digestive noises rang out from the bathrooms.

[wiltingdecay]

[lemonflavouredchaos]

Cherry Pie

You're lonely while baby-sitting your brothers' kids and call your best friend for some backup... of course, things go a little sideways when the kids go to sleep.

AKA I'm now on an Eddie kick and no one can stop me; some needy, cunt drunk, gentle switch Eddie for you guys.

If there's one thing you know about Eddie Munson, it's that he's great with kids. Calling him in to make baby sitting duties easier wasn't quite what you had in mind this Saturday, but any time with him is time well spent. He comes into the house like a hurricane and within five minutes he's embroiled in some complex game which seems to revolve around him chasing Piper and David while they compete to see who can scream the loudest.

The neighbours will be pissed, but at least you finally have time to make the mac and cheese they've been begging for all afternoon. As you drop a handful of sharp cheddar into the pot, Eddie skids into the kitchen, red-faced and panting,

"We need juice," he says, and you laugh,

"Fridge, Eds, they're not allowed coke or cream soda before dinner, give them orange juice or water... or milk. Whatever they want," you say, "and there's beer for you, too."

"Well alright," he says with a grin, but you feel him turn as he passes you and when you look over your shoulder he's standing by the refrigerator with a strange smile on his face,

"What?" You frown,

"Nothin' Princess," he says, but there's a flush on his cheeks still, "don't see you wearing a dress that often is all. Looks good, it new?" His eyes flick down and you feel a flash of heat go through you. You turn to the steaming pot and start to stir again - damn him, why is he so... delicious?

"No, well, kinda," you say, "I bought it a while ago but it's the first time I've worn it. It was so hot out today." It's true, and a total lie; you were wearing an older, less flattering dress before you called him. You changed into this, not sure why you were doing it, after Piper spilt paint on you.

It's so not you; light and fluffy and skimming the middle of your thighs. Buttery yellow with spaghetti straps. You're starting to realize you wore it for him, and that's a mortifying thought you can't settle with. He's not interested Y/N, if he was, he would have said something by now. Get a grip, girl.

A cold, condensation-beaded bottle of beer thumps onto the counter beside you and his broad hand rests next to it. You can feel the heat of his body behind you, hear him take a swig, smell the sharp aftershave and chemical soap and cheap shampoo he uses,

"Seems a little... fancy for babysitting," he says, voice low and heavy,

"I was... wearing an older one," you say, "Piper spilt paint on me."

"Shame," he says, "but this is a nice dress. You should wear it more."

"I might," you say and your voice is a low, shivering whisper. Piper runs into the room,

"Come play Eddie," she stamps her tiny feet,

"On my way," he says and hands her a cup, "here's your juice." For a second you'd love to throttle her. Jealous of a six-year-old, fuck I'm pathetic.

"Mac and cheese in ten," you call after them and he turns to look at you, his eyes dropping to your chest for a second, then he blushes and nods,

"Ten minutes, yes ma'am," he repeats with a mock salute and disappears. The screaming starts again; all you can do is pray you don't hear a crash any time soon.

      They eat like they've never been fed before; all elbows and lowered heads, and Eddie widens his eyes at you, smirking before he takes a bite and theatrically rolls his eyes,

"You're right David," he says, "Auntie Y/N makes the best mac and cheese. What's in this?"

"Oh, you know," you say, "cheese, milk, butter," you shoot the kids a glance and mouth, "mustard." He raises his brows,

"Really?"

"Mmmhm," you say and he winks, reaching over to ruffle David's hair. The gesture almost makes you melt. Is it bad, you find yourself wondering, to picture him as a father? It seems weird; neither of you is twenty yet, and he's still trying to get out of high school... but he would be a great dad. You can feel it. Hell, you can see it.

And that makes you... well, feel things.

They protest being sent to bed and wheedle an extra long bath to compensate for going to bed at the same time they do every night. You can't say no, though; they're too cute, and when you come back out into the living room he's lounging on the sofa watching TV,

"All sleeping?" He asks with a smile,

"I think so," you sigh and flop down next to him, smoothing your dress self-consciously, "thank you, Eds, they were too much for me today."

"Hey it's all good," he says, "they're good kids. "

"They are," you sigh and press your head to his shoulder, felling him stiffen a little, "tell me you brought weed?"

"Of course," he snorts, "outside?"

"Yeah."

      It's not hot anymore; it's not even warm. The cold night air kisses your bare legs and makes you shiver as you take a drag, and he drapes his heavy jacket over your shoulders,

"Thanks," it's hard to think of anything else to say; the smell of him on the fabric is dizzying,

"You're welcome, Princess," he sighs and leans back against the wall. "So I take it they're staying here tonight?"

"Yeah, Mom and Stan are in Portland for their honeymoon, Jade and Chris have gone down to Ohio for a wedding. They're here till Monday." You shudder. "It's gonna be a long weekend."

"You want me to head off and let you sleep?" He takes the joint from you and draws in smoke,

"No!" You say it a little too loudly maybe because he narrows one eye and smirks at you, "no, Eds, please I haven't talked to anyone over the age of six since Friday morning." He snorts and nods,

"Ok, well, I have time," he holds out his hand, letting you take the joint carefully, "I can come back over tomorrow and help if you want?" You nod,

"That would be great, as long as you don't mind?"

"Sounds like a good day to me," he says, "we can hop in the van and go out to the lake if you want?" And just like that it feels a little too intimate. Like they're your kids. Like they're his. You shake your head and then shrug,

"Uh, maybe, let's see how the weather is, radio says it might rain." The sudden cold in the night backs that up; it's like you can feel the thunderclouds rolling in as he takes the mostly gone joint from you from you and stares up at the sky,

"Halfsies?" He nods to it and you smile,

"Sure," you say, but he doesn't move,

"You look really good in that dress," he says suddenly, and there's no hint of teasing in his eyes now.

"Thank you," hot, blushing, unable to raise your voice, you almost whisper those words, feeling tiny and strangely exposed in his oversized jacket,

“I mean it,” he shifts so he’s facing you, “shame you don’t wear it more often.” Then he narrows his eyes and raises his hand to his face, hesitating as your eyes fix on his thick fingers and the chunky rings that they always hold, “sure you only wore it because of a wardrobe malfunction?” He asks suddenly, and though his voice is steady there’s a hint of anxiety on his face, take the plunge. This is it. 

“No,” you say, “I wore it because I wanted you to see it.” He nods and looks down, then draws the last of the smoke into his lungs, before reaching out to pull you forward. Inches from your face, he blows the smoke gently into your mouth, and the rush you get breathing it in has little to do with the weed. 

     He takes a low, slow breath when you break apart, rubbing his nose against yours before he grins and whispers, 

His hand slips under the heavy jacket, slides across the fine material of your dress, and pulls you against him just before your lips touch. Just like that, he’s not your best friend anymore... or at least he’s not just your best friend. 

“I’ve wanted to do that for so fuckin’ long,”

“Why’d you wait till now?” You whisper back, 

“I would have waited longer...” he said, “but I nearly had a nosebleed when I saw that dress.” You snigger and shake your head, try to step back, but he drags you forward again and buries his face in your neck, “I swear to God, Y/N, you better wear this again... not... for other guys though.”

“No?” You ask, and there’s a giddy smile spreading across your face, 

“Absolutely not,” he almost growls, 

“So when can I who should I wear it for then?” You ask though you know what he’s going to say, 

“Me,” he murmurs, and drags your hips closer, stealing any reply you might have had when he presses himself against you and it becomes clear just how interested he is. Maybe it's the giddy exhilaration, maybe it’s the weed... or maybe it's just him, but you know you’re about to make a bad decision when you take his hand and drag him inside, pulling him to your brothers' bedroom, hushing him as you close the door. 

All that bravado, all that presence melts away when you push him back onto the bed; he just stares up at you with those big doe eyes and lets you climb onto his lap. He’s so passive, so still that you feel a moment of panic, 

“You... do you want to...?” You ask, blood chilling until he nods eagerly and he tugs your hips, 

“Abso-fucking-lutely,” Eddie mutters, but he still doesn’t take over. Not like the other guys, well the other guy, you dated; he pushed and tugged and manhandled you... and it was fine. But the way Eddie lies back and stares at you as if waiting to be told what to do... it makes you feel itchy and needy and hot. 

“Take your shirt off?” You ask tentatively and he almost tangles himself up in the material in his eagerness to comply, leaving you giggling, God he’s so perfect, as you trace the lines of his tattoos with shaking fingers, “you’re so beautiful,” you whisper and he blushes. 

“That’s my line, Princess,” he mutters, pushing his hands up your thighs, all the way under your dress to toy with the lace of your panties. There’s something new about him, something vulnerable and tender and so achingly soft that it almost makes you want to cry... but there’s something else under that feeling. You want to sink your teeth into him, just devour him. He strokes your legs, shifts his hips, but doesn’t try for anything else, even when you kiss him. Even when the kiss goes on and on and on until your head is light and he’s whimpering and gasping,

“Shh,” you murmur and cover his mouth; his eyes flutter shut and suddenly you get it. “You gonna be a good boy for me Eds, hm?”  He nods. “You gonna be quiet while I ride you.” He whimpers into your hand but nods nonetheless, so you lean down and take your hand away. “If you make a sound,” you whisper, watching emotions flit across those big, dark eyes, “I’ll stop, and you’ll have to wait until next weekend to get what you want, ok?”

“Y-yeah,” he whispers back and you can feel him shaking under you, big bad Eddie, shaking like a puppy... why does this feel so right?

“You sure you want this?” The question is genuine, but he gives you a look of such stupified contempt that you have to stifle a giggle. 

“Then shut up and stop squirming,” you murmur, running your tongue across the shell of his ear, “keep your hands to yourself, and do as you’re told, ok?”

“No,” he draws it out rolling his eyes, “I’m terrified, all five-foot jack shit of you is so much that I couldn’t leave if I wanted to - ofcourseifuckingwantthis.” He whispers the last part so urgently that it almost sounds like a shout. 

“You’re a little freak,” he whispers, but he’s grinning, 

“You know where the door is Munson.”

“Wild horses couldn’t get me out of here,” he lies back and lets his arms fall back beside his head, “not a peep.”

“We’ll see.”

The heavy belt buckle takes a little more work than you had thought, but his jeans slide down easily once it's undone. He’s hard, almost painfully so, and there’s a wet patch on the front of his boxers; you raise your eyebrows at him, and he flushes, looking away. There’s a shiver of apprehension; he’s big, maybe not huge, but bigger than your one and only boyfriend... and when you pull down his boxers his cock twitches. His eyes are closed, breaths coming in slow, measured waves until you run your tongue across the velvety skin at his hip. 

The little hitch is like music; you chase it, nipping and sucking the skin on his belly and hips until he’s twitching and letting out soft, desperate huffs. When you run your tongue along his length he makes a stifled, strangled grunting sound, but stays still, just like he promised. 

His cock twitches in your hand as you line him up with your entrance, and when you sink onto him, taking every inch so slowly that it makes you dizzy, his eyes roll back and his mouth moves. 

“Please, please, please,” he’s whispering over and over again like a prayer, but when you shush him he clamps his mouth shut, 

“Good boy,” you murmur and run your hand down his chest to the start of the fine, dark hair between his legs, feeling him twitch in you when you utter those two simple words. “Look how good you look in me,” you whisper, not quite believing that the filth is coming from your mouth; when his eyes open they’re hazy; he’s wrecked, holding on by a thread, and the sight of his cock sliding in and out of you almost destroys him; Eddie jams one knuckle into his mouth and bites, a strange, growling sound exiting his throat. Still, he does exactly what you told him, and the feeling of power mixed with the desperate need that’s been building in your belly becomes so heady you think you might break too. 

And that’s how it goes; slow, almost silent, both of you trying to make no sound until you’re shaking and you slump over him. It’s only then that he takes over, rolling the two of you, pulling you down onto the floor on the side of the bed farthest from the door, tugging the neck of your dress down as he murmurs nonsense words and phrases that jumble together in the hot, slick spaces between you, 

“so fucking wet for me - should’ve done this months ago- fuck, that’s my girl, -”

Eddie goes on and on and on until you can barely think, and then it’s his turn to cover your mouth, growling in your ear as he rolls into your, slow and hard, the sheer weight and bulk of him making your hips ache and your body shake while he worms one hand between you to toy with your aching clit. When you cum it rolls over you like a thunderstorm, muted by the way you focus on keeping silent, wrapping your legs tight around him, so tight that he has to force them open to pull away before he fills you. Then it’s just the silence of the house, the muted sound of the TV still playing in the living room, dogs barking in the distance. 

“Fuck me,” he pants, half whispering, “where the fuck did that come from, Princess?”

“I dunno,” the words are dreamy and soft; he kisses your forehead and helps you up, putting you back together before you step out into the hallway, quietly makes his way to the living room before you peek into Piper and David’s room on the other side of the bathroom. They’re sleeping peacefully. 

Everything is exactly as it should be... except he has to go. That’s the part that sticks in your throat, even though he peppers you with kisses and soft words and promises; it feels wrong for him to go, now. 

But he’ll be back tomorrow.

[detentiontrack]

I’m in the same boat with vegetarianism. I’m currently a minor, but when I turn 18 i plan to start eating meat (i have some health problems due to malnourishment but my parents are super religious and strict). What foods do you recommend for someone eating meat for the first time?

That’s almost exactly how my upbringing was, so I understand how transitioning to eating meat can be intimidating. If you’ve been vegetarian your whole life/a long period of time, you’re most likely going to have some minor stomach issues when you first start eating meat. These will eventually go away as your body gets used to processing the new foods. I recommend starting with meals you already know you like, and then eat the meat version of it. My first meat food was chicken noodle soup because the soup was familiar. If you like meat substitutes (like the beyond meat/impossible meat/morning star brands) I would go with having the meat version! If you like veggie chicken nuggets, try regular frozen chicken nuggets! If you like veggie burgers, try having a small hamburger. Something I do NOT recommend until you’ve been eating meat for a while is trying to cook with raw meat. Pre cooked meat will be your best friend. If you don’t know how to properly prepare meat, there’s a higher chance of getting yourself sick. Do your research, get used to cooking with pre cooked meat, and then try something where you cook something all the way (like baking chicken instead of pan frying it. It’s harder to undercook). Just remember that over cooking meat is better than under cooking meat and getting sick (I’ve been eating meat for 2 years and I’m still too scared to cook with chicken. I only eat precooked chicken, canned chicken, and chicken from restaurants where I KNOW it’s safe). You might have been told that meat is bad for you or unhealthy (I was told this) but it’s an EXCELLENT source of protein and nutrients. Go slow, take your time figuring out what you like, and enjoy this new food group! Below the cut is some meat dishes I enjoy. Some are precooked, and some I get from restaurants or fresh from the store.

Hot dogs (you just gotta boil them or put them in the air fryer. They’re already cooked)

Chicken apple sausage (precooked, in the air fryer on 400°f for 5 minutes)

Sausage patties and eggs (precooked, you just need to fry them so they defrost and get a bit of searing on them)

Frozen corn dogs (precooked, air fryer or oven)

Breakfast sandwiches with sausage or bacon

Chicken salad sandwich/chicken salad with crackers/on a bed of lettuce (I used canned chicken, drain the juice out, and mix in miracle whip, mustard, and desired seasonings. Canned chicken is precooked)

Canned soup with meat in it (precooked, just microwave it or heat it on the stove)

Pizza with pepperoni or sausage on it

BBQ shredded chicken or pork on bread (you can buy it at the store and all you have to do it microwave it to heat it up. It’s precooked)

Breakfast sausage links (not precooked, but it’s easy to cook them. Just fry them until the outside is golden brown and then cut them in half. If it’s not pink inside, you’re good to go)

Burger patties (same as above. It’s easy to cook them in a pan, just make sure the inside isn’t pink. A cut in half burger is better than a food poisoning burger)

Chicken quesadilla (use canned chicken, shredded, with the juice drained, and add whatever seasonings you want.) (chicken is really bland without seasonings like tofu, so you want to heavily season it)

Chicken enchiladas (same as above. Use seasoned canned chicken if you’re not comfortable with cooking chicken and shredding it)

Any meat frozen microwavable TV dinners (super easy to make and it gives you a wide selection of meat dishes without having to actually cook them. I like frozen chicken alfredo or chicken pad thai)

Spaghetti with meatballs (meatballs are super easy to make. Get some ground beef, follow a recipe for seasonings and stuff that binds the meat together, and pop them in the oven. Once again, cut them open to see if they’re pink inside) (or invest in a meat thermometer if you want to cook meat often. It really helps with food poisoning anxiety)

Tacos/burritos with ground beef (see above)

CHICKEN PAD THAI WITH PEANUT SAUCE (I’ve mentioned pad thai before but I could eat this every day for the rest of my life. Find a local thai restaurant and try it. The tofu version is also really good)

Beef sticks (personally I don’t really like them because of the texture, but they’re a really easy source of protein and good to have around)

That’s about all I can think of right now, but I hope your journey leads you to new foods you like and your health improves! Always feel free to message me if you have any other questions or need any guidance (or send me an ask if you want to stay anonymous!)

[julysn]

i don’t even play hsr i don’t know shit about the game but……. the way i would suck sunday’s toes and eat his hair like spaghetti if someone gave me the opportunity 😓🙏

i would do anything for this man. i would throw myself in front of a bus if it meant i would see a glimpse of him right before i fall unconscious. i would pour mustard into his belly button and dip my little dino nuggets just to be close to him.

he is SO FINE. give me this man. i will do anything for him. i will tie my nipples onto train tracks for him.

and i don’t even play hsr 😪