#and drinking isn't an option rn

[honestloverboy]

I need to get so fucked up rn it's not even funny

[thelastspeecher]

btw I'm taking a break from testing fructose stuff rn, in case anyone was worried I'm still doing that massive weighty task while dealing with a kinda hell week.

don't worry. I'm gonna restart when I feel like I can expend the spoons to try the reintroduction phase again. right now, I'm avoiding the three triggers I've found so far and otherwise eating how I like.

[convoloutedinjoke]

its understandable to talk about addiction like its a clean good/bad, self care/self harm thing but it really is just bodies making a cost/benefit analysis and landing on impaired and foreshortened survival over imminent death.

[yongility]

NEO TV # I LIKE ME BETTER WHEN I'M WITH YOU. (jaehyun x reader) 3/?

genre: angst, suggestive, gang au, rich kid au, enemies to lovers (kinda), a lil of fluffy stuff. slowburn, series.

warnings: drug use mentions, gangs, fights, use of weapons, adult language, illegal activities, cheating (not on the main couple), toxic family environment, addictions, manipulation, insecurities, illegal street racing, death mentions. jeno is jaehyun's younger brother, angst, smut and if I slip something my bad haha.

word count: +10k?

a/n: I’m sorry this took too long to post!! 😭😭 but I been so busy with college rn, I’m going to graduate this year so I’m like having a lot of work lately, and I wasn’t satisfied with what I was writing so that was the reason it took longer than expected, sorry!

I'm a sucker for cliche stuff so as soon as this fic popped in my mind l had to write it down, english isn't my first language tho.

I'm sorry if this is too long TT, but this is kinda a slowburn? it might contain a lot of parts so wait for part 3! One of the reasons this is long af it's because I would like to show you how Jaehyun and (Y/N's life is before they get together! So pls pls don't skip anything I hope you like it!

if you want to be in the taglist, just lemme know;) enjoy!

The third day of the week arrived promptly, where (Y/N) found herself comfortably seated in one of the library chairs, with her chemistry books scattered on the table in front of her as she studied for the exams she had coming up, with Jungwoo beside her.

It was becoming her routine for the week; after last Friday's party, what she most desired was to avoid being at home, especially after having an argument with her mother when she returned from the party.

She didn't want to deal with her in a good time.

Annoyed that her mother had thought it was a great idea to take away her right to use her own car as punishment for disobeying her that night and leaving the house... staying in the library seemed the most pleasant option; with silence, able to listen to music through her AirPods, without her mother bothering her every five minutes and being able to review what she had learned in her last classes: it was something she could take advantage of. She took a sip of her vanilla latte, which had been sponsored by Jungwoo, who, in an attempt to apologize for abandoning her in that way during last Friday's party, promised to pay for each of her daily drinks for a week and a half, no matter the cost.

And even though (Y/N) could afford that or even triple, she was still happy about it. Gifted things tasted even better anyway.

Of course, she first gave Jungwoo a -no- beating after telling him everything that had happened during his absence, but still, she appreciated that her friend was okay even though she hadn't heard anything from him until Saturday night.

During these last few days, with a new routine, (Y/N) was almost always in the same places, at the same times, and if she was honest, she was surprised not to have bumped into Jung Jaehyun at any moment.

It was weird; she would normally see him somewhere around the school, either accompanied by Lucas or just sitting on one of the benches while smoking his 'n' cigarette of the day. But simply, since Friday, she hadn't heard anything from him... she hadn't even bumped into Lucas, which increased the level of strangeness, considering he was a social butterfly, he was always around. (Y/N) had been aware of her words after Jaehyun had taken her home: she could no longer continue with whatever deal they had, with all the stress of her own tasks and knowing that no matter what she did, her cousin wouldn't give up his addictions, it was best to give up.

Although it would hurt her soul to know that there was no way to help Daeho.

But thinking about it, she didn't know if she had really been sincere about each going their own way... apparently Jaehyun had taken it very seriously to not show up anywhere, and although (Y/N) knew very well that being close to him didn't bring her anything good... his presence hadn't been so bothersome in the last few days. Really, after sharing a few words and spending more time with him, she couldn't say that she disliked his existence. It was funny if you asked the (Y/N) from a month ago, there would be no way she could have imagined that, somehow, she would be related to none other than Jung Jaehyun, who, on the outside, just seemed to be one more problem.

She tried to stop thinking about it and tried to focus her gaze on the book in front of her, but after a few minutes... it was difficult for her. There was something inside her that made her feel uneasy but she couldn't think what it was.

"There’s a race in Kosmo today" her best friend's voice brought her out of her thoughts.

Kosmo was the neighborhood that was right in the middle of the city, dividing Kwangya and Neo Zone. (Y/N) knew that there were usually illegal races in that area because it was when the rich kids from Kwangya usually dared to compete against Neo Zone.

"And why should I care...?"

"Your cousin will go to bet," Jungwoo replied, interrupting her study session.

The girl opened her eyes in surprise and asked, "How do you know?"

"Daeho told Mingi, and Mingi told me," he replied simply, shrugging his shoulders. The boy fell silent for a moment and cleared his throat. "Don’t you want to go?" He asked curiously.

(Y/N) looked up from her books and observed her friend incredulously. "Why would I want to go?"

"To keep an eye on Daeho," he answered.

"I'm still mad with him, I've decided not to help him anymore. I really tried, I've been trying for the past few years, but he doesn't want help and now I understand," the girl confessed, closing her book and letting out a sigh.

"Still... don't you think it would be fun? Getting out of our comfort zone a bit... seeing what all this racing stuff is about. I've heard they're amazing," Jungwoo insisted.

"Jungwoo, my mom will kill me if she finds out I went to an illegal race," the girl continued, taking a sip of her coffee.

"She won't find out."

"Jungwoo..."

"Come on, (Y/N), we won't even be in Neo Zone, it'll be in Kwangya only. We'll go, watch the race, and leave. We won't even make contact with anyone. We'll go on our own," the boy assured her, moving closer to her. "Please, I think it would be interesting to break out of our routine, just for one night, what could go wrong?"

"Many things could go wrong, Woo," she replied.

"We won't know unless we try," he pouted, clasping his hands together. "Please."

She hated how persuasive her best friend was.

She sighed and shook her head. "Fine, but at the first sign of trouble, we're leaving without a second thought."

"I love you so much," Jungwoo replied, hugging her shoulders.

"And I really hate you."

______________________________________________

The night fell faster than she expected, and among the roar of engines and the intense music that could be heard on the outskirts of Kosmo, (Y/N) felt something cold run through her body.

She could see familiar faces here and there, some of her classmates from Kwangya were in the place, and from the opposite side, the cars and familiar faces of Neo Zone were present.

It was a strange atmosphere for her; she had always played it safe, and now she didn't even know what to think. She felt herself getting closer to Jungwoo to not lose him, the last thing she needed was for them to separate like they did at the party.

She didn't think she could survive alone.

And it's not that she was dumb to think otherwise, but her parents raised her in an environment where they made her believe that she shouldn't do things outside her daily life. (Y/N) was afraid of adventures. Her life was governed by being obedient and doing the right thing; she didn't know when the moment of rebellion she had a few days ago when she left home the night of the party had been wise.

And now finding herself in Kosmo secretly from her mother at an illegal race? She must have gone crazy.

She believed even more so that she had gone crazy when something inside her hoped to run into none other than Jung Jaehyun.

She didn't understand why the urgency of what was happening, and even less why she expected to run into Jaehyun before running into Daeho.

Maybe it was because she found it strange not to have seen him since last Friday's party.

But she knew that if there was one place Jaehyun wouldn't miss... it would be the race tonight.

"Are you looking for Daeho?" Jungwoo asked when he saw her looking around. "He's probably with Mingi."

How could she explain to her friend that the person she was looking for was none other than Jung Jaehyun?

She nodded without saying more, and they both continued on their way while cautiously observing their surroundings. The smell of marijuana and car engines was embedded in the place, the music made their ears ring, and the night breeze made their bodies tremble.

(Y/N)'s eyes drifted away when she noticed Lucas in the distance, having a conversation with another guy. Lucas felt her gaze on him and looked at the girl with confusion before approaching her after apologizing to his companion.

"Hey, Kwangya kiddos, what brings you here on this magnificent night?" Lucas asked enthusiastically.

"We wanted to know what these races are about," Jungwoo replied simply.

"Hmm, interesting," the tall guy nodded. "Well, you're in luck, Jaehyun will race today, are you sure you want to see the show? The best of the area against someone from Yellow Wood," Lucas explained while cracking his fingers slightly.

Upon hearing the guy's name, (Y/N) looked up and paid attention to Lucas's words.

"If you're interested in betting, come to me," Lucas advised.

"I think we're fine like this," said (Y/N).

"Alright, take care. I'll go look for my guy to get him ready for the race," Lucas announced as he patted Jungwoo on the back.

The guy walked away from them with a smile, and Jungwoo responded with one of his own, then he looked at his friend and frowned, "relax, you're anxious."

How could she not be?

But before she could even answer anything, a few meters away, she saw the familiar face she had been looking for. In the distance, the silhouette of Jung Jaehyun was leaning against his car while talking to a few guys from Neo Zone, his neck tattoos weren't very visible due to the darkness of the night but she could distinguish them a bit, then... as if he had called him, Jaehyun's gaze moved to connect with hers, making her freeze in place.

Jaehyun frowned when he saw her standing just a few steps away from him, looking like a lost puppy as she stood beside Jungwoo.

The sight reminded him of a month ago when Daeho had clumsily brought (Y/N) to Neo Zone. Although this time she was accompanied by her best friend, another rich and spoiled kid from Kwangya. He observed the outfit she had decided to wear, once again, just like that time, it wasn't extravagant, no famous brand could be seen in her attire, and the only piece of jewelry she wore was a pair of earrings that definitely looked like gold...

He hoped she wouldn't lose them tonight.

Because they made her look good.

The surprise was evident on the girl's face when she took a better look at the brunet's body, who was now walking towards her, wearing a hoodie with its hood over his head and as he got closer, the darkness of the night was no longer so intrusive. It hadn't been enough to hide the bruises that were scattered across his body.

There was one under his cheek, just below his left eye, and it was reddish, as if it were flushed. Then, looking at the ones between his jaw and his neck, she noticed how they subtly mixed with the ink of the tattoo he had on his neck. That one was difficult to distinguish thanks to the dark lines that adorned that part of his body, but if you paid enough attention, it was alarming.

When she lowered her gaze over his torso and then looked at his hands, she could see the intense shades of red that his knuckles contained, as if ground blood had accumulated on each of them.

It wasn't the first time she had seen Jaehyun or Lucas with a bruise or two on a school day, but it was the first time she had seen it up close.

Her heart was pounding a mile a minute. Why was it suddenly doing this?

"Did you lost your way home?" Jaehyun asked when he was in front of her.

"Jaehyun," she muttered quietly, "... are you okay?"

The girl didn't need much to realize that was the stupidest question she could ask right now, of course he wasn't okay. And although she knew this happened regularly in Jaehyun's life, she couldn't help but fill her head with doubts; what had to happen for him to end up like this?

... was that the reason he hadn't gone to school?

A small smile appeared on the boy's face, and even with the different colors decorating his face, she could still notice the dimples that formed in it.

Why did he still look good?

"I don't think you came here to ask that, Angel," Jaehyun replied mockingly. "I really believed in your whole story about us going on our ways, so what are you doing at a race where most of the spectators are from Neo Zone?"

The girl was left speechless. "Jungwoo brought me here."

"Well, if that's the case, enjoy the races, I think it'll be fun for you to spice up your Wednesday nights a bit," he continued with a sarcastic smile.

"What happened to you?" She asked again.

Jaehyun didn't answer.

He had gotten himself into big trouble... all thanks to Jeno.

He had trusted that all his merchandise would be sold by the time Monday came around, but after being at Johnny Suh's party, where other dealers were also present, he didn't manage to sell what he needed.

He had a little less than half left in his pockets and in Lucas's.

Luck had not been on his side this time, and when he had to be accountable to Lee Sooman, he had to take responsibility for his brother's actions. And despite telling him that he would not take care of him like he used to after the argument they had... he'd much rather take the beatings he had received than see Jeno the way he did in the mirror.

That time, it really felt eternal. He still remembers the angry (but also mocking) look Sooman had on his face when Jaehyun and Lucas brought the money to his office and after asking Lucas none too kindly to leave, that was when Jaehyun knew what was coming.

With Cheol Uk by his side, leading him out of the office to the vacant lot not far from the warehouse, Jaehyun could do nothing but accept what was coming.

It was one blow after another, and he knew well that at that moment, defending himself was not something he should do or he would end up worse.

He remembers feeling every punch with tremendous pain, and all he could think about was Jeno and how he would have felt if it had been him getting beaten up.

At least Jaehyun was used to the beatings and had no choice; he already knew that all of this was part of being someone from Neo Zone, so he simply had to continue to comply with what Sooman demanded to the letter unless he wanted to end up again in the position he was in.

What felt like hours was really just a few minutes; Cheol Uk stopped hitting him after a while and without saying more, he left. Leaving Jaehyun in the middle of the vacant lot with a broken lip and eyebrow as he spat blood and reached for his abdomen for some support to get up and walk to where he knew Lucas was waiting for him.

How much more? How much longer would he have to keep with all of this?

But, right now, it wasn't something he should talk about.

"It's really not something you need to know," he replied with a smirk. "You came to enjoy the race, right? Then do it, I'll be running in a few minutes, if you don't get scared by the atmosphere here before that, I'm sure you'll want to see me," Jaehyun continued, winking at her.

"I think it'll be fun to see you in second place," the girl teased.

"Baby... I always win," Jaehyun bragged, looking her directly in the eyes.

It was then that the girl didn't say anything else, she just kept her gaze on his. She hated feeling intrigued by Jaehyun himself. Because right now she didn't even feel like she was in Kosmo, with Jaehyun in front of her looking directly at her, she didn't even feel real. She was getting into fire and she knew it.

And she didn't know if she could escape from it.

For a moment she felt a heaviness on her shoulders and warmth surrounded her, causing her to snap out of her thoughts and notice that the jacket that Jaehyun was wearing over his hoodie was now over her body.

"You were trembling like a chihuahua," Jaehyun explained. "Don't consider it an act of kindness, I'm just returning the favor after having done my jobs those two weeks... at least now they won't kick me out of school this evaluation period," he continued.

"I'm not sure if I should feel good knowing that I'm indirectly helping an illegal business," she replied, adjusting the jacket.

"No one needs to know," he replied. "Good luck tonight, don't get lost too much because things get interesting," he said, and without further ado, he turned around to go back to his friends.

(Y/N) stood perplexed in her place, and it was then that she felt Jungwoo's presence next to her.

"What was that?"

"I have no idea."

_______________________________________________

The next morning, after putting her books back in her backpack, (Y/N) looked at the jacket folded inside her bag, feeling a heaviness and remembering the events of the previous night.

The rumors were true... Jung Jaehyun was the best street racer in the area, because he not only competed once the day before, but two more times, winning 3 victories in a short time, and to be honest, it had been impressive.

She hadn't run into him again after the brief conversation they had, and even though she had been waiting for it... she and Jungwoo bolted from the place when they heard the police sirens approaching Kosmo.

The last thing she needed was for her parents to find out about her escapade.

She didn't hear anything from Daeho the night before, she even doubted if he had really gone to the race.

She didn't want to give too much importance to the situation, which is why she chose to continue her path through the school hallways, hoping to return the jacket that was at the bottom of her bag and trying to divert her thoughts to something other than Jaehyun.

And as if she had summoned him, she saw him under the entrance roof as he leaned against the wall and took a drag from the cigarette in his hands. (Y/N) checked the day's weather and cursed when she noticed the raindrops falling lightly. She had forgotten about today's forecast.

Jaehyun was lost in his thoughts as he watched the rain and let out the smoke in his chest.

The bruises were still visible.

She stopped abruptly to take the jacket out of her bag and, without saying anything, approached him and handed it back to him.

Jaehyun looked at her with a raised eyebrow and blew out the smoke from his lungs.

"You're welcome," Jaehyun said as he took the jacket in his hands.

"Yes, thank you," she said, feeling her cheeks flush.

"Where did you park your car?" Jaehyun asked out of nowhere.

"I didn't bring it with me, my mom confiscated it," she blurted out without thinking, and when she turned to look at Jaehyun, she noticed a mocking smile on his face.

"Oh, mom took away your Porsche," he pouted mockingly and shook his head. "Come on, I'll take you home."

"I'm fine, Jaehyun. Thanks," she said as she looked at the rain.

"Come on, it wouldn't be the first time I've taken you. Plus, the school won't be closing anytime soon."

She thought about all the possibilities that crossed her mind, but something about her was excited to think about the ride home.

"Where's your car?"

______________________________________________

It was fortunate that his car was nearby.

Jaehyun turned on the heater as soon as they got into the car, and without further ado, the journey began.

It was just like the first time they had been together in the same car. Without saying anything, both with their eyes focused on the road, and it was then that they both realized that they didn't have a topic of conversation. The few times they had interacted had been about their interests and what they needed from each other at the moment. However, Jaehyun didn't know anything about (Y/N) that he hadn't heard at school, and (Y/N) didn't know anything about Jaehyun that she hadn't heard in the hallways or from her parents about the people from Neo Zone.

At this point, they weren't even acquaintances.

They had just coincided in something and that was it.

(Y/N) took the opportunity to send a text message to Jungwoo and tell him that he no longer needed to pick her up, without explaining more, she sent the text and subsequently, Jaehyun's phone rang.

The boy sighed and cautiously looked for a quick place to park even with the sound of the mobile phone ringing filling the car. He took the device and (Y/N) could notice the slight tension that seized Jaehyun's body as he read the caller ID, without thinking twice he answered the call.

The brunette felt weird being able to hear Jaehyun's conversation, so she tried to distract herself with something else. First with her phone, then looking out the window where she could see the rain beginning to dissipate, and then she could hear a "I'll be there in a moment" that made her react and turn to see him end the call.

The boy scratched his neck and then brought his hands to his face to rub it, let out a deep sigh, and looked at (Y/N).

“Uh, I need to do something quickly and your house is still a bit far... Do you mind if we stop by that place first? It's on the way” he asked with no other option.

“Does this has to do with your job?” She asked.

It took him a moment to respond: — No, it's not about my job. You can stay in the car, it's just that, I really need to get there.

After seeing Jaehyun's face and not being able to decipher what he was trying to say, (Y/N) nodded, not very sure, and that was enough for Jaehyun to quickly start the car.

Thousands of thoughts ran through (Y/N)'s mind. Eager to know where they were headed; she didn't know if she should believe Jaehyun that this wasn't about picking up or delivering goods or meeting someone who worked on the same thing he did.

She was only sure they wouldn't go to Neo Zone because they were far from there.

She could see how impatient Jaehyun seemed while driving, and that only made her even more nervous. What exactly did they tell him in that call to make him like this? She wanted to ask, but she knew she wouldn't get an answer.

She didn't know how many minutes had passed, she only knew that the rain stopped just before the car parked and she finally noticed where they were. A gray building was a few meters away from them, and it wasn't hard to recognize it.

It was the National Rehabilitation Center.

A long and large building, which was accompanied by an extensive garden, and from the outside, you could see that there were a huge number of rooms inside it.

Her head was flooded with even more questions knowing that this was the place where Jaehyun was needed.

“You can stay in the car if you want. I'll be back in a moment” Jaehyun said as he opened the car door and got out.

Curiosity got the better of her.

And that's why she got out of the car and followed Jaehyun. Without saying anything, they entered the building where they were immediately greeted by a nurse who seemed to know the boy well.

“Jaehyun, I'm glad you were able to answer the call” said the woman as she greeted them. “We need to talk to you”.

The boy nodded and turned to (Y/N), who just nodded and said, “I’ll wait for you.”

He smiled slightly and walked with the person until they reached the reception where she was able to pull out a few papers.

It had been, perhaps, about two weeks since the last time he had been there. A place he was very familiar with and where he regularly went; he had become good friends with the friendly nurses who apparently didn't care where he came from.

He was grateful that the nurse didn't say anything when his bruises and wounds were clearly visible.

“Has something happened?” he asked after a few seconds.

“ He's fine” the nurse said with a smile “but we need to talk to you about his stay here” she continued.

That's when the small smile on his face disappeared. Jaehyun knew what she was referring to. He swallowed hard before the nurse could speak.

“The payment is overdue, Jaehyun," the nurse confirmed what he already knew. "We care about Sicheng's health, but this is not my concern. You know that the center relies on patients' monthly payments, and the administrators in charge of them request them punctually," she commented as she handed Jaehyun one of the papers. "I understand your situation and Sicheng's, but there's nothing more I can do even if I wanted to; I've tried to delay the payment as much as I could, but unfortunately, it can't be delayed any longer. The administrators expect the payment soon, or we'll have to discharge Sicheng and send him home," she concluded.

It was difficult at first for Jaehyun to process everything the nurse had said, as more than ten things ran through his mind at once; one of them being his good friend Winwin, then, thinking about how he could quickly get the money he knew he owed to the clinic, considering the beating he had just received for not being able to complete a sale. So, what would he do? He still needed half the money for that monthly payment, and between the clinic's expenses and those of his own house for his family, he couldn't see a way to get the money on time.

He would have to ask for more stash to sell if he wanted to do it.

He couldn't let them discharge Sicheng.

Not while he hasn't made progress.

"I'm sorry," Jaehyun said. "I... I still have a little left to complete the payment. It's just that lately, it's been harder, and... how much time do I have to pay it?" the breathless boy asked.

"Considering that it's only the first few days of the month, and the payment is already two weeks late... I can't give you more than three days," lamented the nurse, making a grimace.

"I'll try the impossible to bring you that money on Saturday. Sicheng still can't be discharged; he hasn't progressed the way he was supposed to," he affirmed, a slight pout evident in his mouth.

What a contrast there was between his expression and the bruises, accompanied by the tattoos on his body.

Being in the Rehabilitation Center was the place where he could be most vulnerable.

"How is he?" he asked, lowering his gaze.

"Same as the last time you came to visit him," commented the nurse. "We're doing what we can, Jaehyun, but as long as he stays the way he is, we can't move forward. We need his will to help him."

When no words came out of his mouth, the nurse continued: "Jaehyun, you know you can go see him."

For Jaehyun, each visit was just as difficult as the day he decided to admit Sicheng to that clinic, and each one left him more tormented than the previous.

He would give everything if that means that Sicheng would go back to be himself.

He nodded after a few seconds and cautiously glanced back, where, not far away, (Y/N) was reading some brochures and observing the facilities around them; when she noticed the boy's gaze on her body, she walked toward him carefully.

The brunette didn't really know what came to his mind or what caused those words to come out of his mouth, but when he wanted to back off, it was too late, because they had already been expressed.

"Are you coming with me?"

And although (Y/N) had no idea why they were there or where they were going, she accepted anyway. So they found themselves walking down the long whitewashed hallway until they reached an elevator, and then they went up about three floors.

The atmosphere was cold, the hallways and rooms were well-lit, and they could see a few nurses and what she assumed were doctors walking around in their lab coats.

Jaehyun didn't know why he was allowing himself to show her that part of his life, especially when it was such a fragile part for him. He had tried to protect it cautiously for the past few months, and now he was there, accompanied by Hwang (Y/N), with the person he never thought he would meet at that moment.

He hadn't really thought of her when he asked if they could go there before going home; his head was only thinking about the clinic and Sicheng when the call had ended, and it was too late to change his mind when they had set off.

He just hoped the girl would be discreet enough.

They reached room 119, where Jaehyun pushed the door open and where in a wheelchair, they both could see Winwin, who was facing the large window of his room, looking outside.

(Y/N)'s surprised face did not go unnoticed; she was confused in a thousand ways. She knew who Dong Sicheng was; everyone in her school knew him, however... she thought he had simply left the city. She had no idea he was in that place. So in her head, thousands of questions arose about him, why he was there, and why he was in a wheelchair.

She could only react when she heard Jaehyun's voice: "Hey, buddy. How are you today?"

Nothing.

That's what he received.

Jaehyun walked over to him, and when he stood next to him, he crouched down enough to be able to observe him better. Winwin had his gaze fixed forward, his cheeks were a little rosy, his hair fell over his forehead, and his hands were resting on his legs.

Jaehyun sighed.

"Oh, I see you've taken a shower today," the boy mentioned with a smile, and again, there was not a single response.

When he noticed the presence of the girl, who had remained in her place throughout the visit and hesitated to approach them, he spoke: "Today I'm not alone; I brought company. Maybe you'll find it helpful to hear another voice that isn't mine or Lucas's... or the nurses'," the boy teased and gestured to the brunette to come closer, who obeyed. "Do you remember (Y/N)? She was in our class; we've coincided a couple of times, that's why she's here."

"Hello, Winwin," she greeted softly. Jaehyun made a grimace and stood up from his place to be at the girl's height.

"Don't expect an answer," Jaehyun commented. "There won't be one."

"I thought... I thought Winwin had moved to China," (Y/N) confessed.

Jaehyun snorted: "Yes, that's what everyone thinks."

Those words took her by surprise, and it was when she decided to remain silent, watching from a distance the little interaction between the boys: it was just Jaehyun saying a few words while adjusting Sicheng's hair without expecting any response.

Dong Sicheng and Jung Jaehyun had been friends since birth, being two little boys who grew up on the streets of Neo Zone, it was easy to click with each other. Winwin's parents had decided to move to the infamous area after his father had met Lee Sooman in some low neighborhood in Wenzhou, China, and he had offered him a job where he could have his family at least a little better off than in his country.

Winwin had not joined the gang since it had not been of great urgency to him; his father was the active member needed by the family, and if he were honest... the farthest he could be from the Neo Zone gang... the better. He was always Jaehyun's companion at all times. Best friends who shared every detail of their lives for years, Jaehyun took care of Sicheng, and he provided the most sincere friendship he had ever had... then, a while later, Lucas Wong and Mark Lee joined their adventures.

Four boys from Neo Zone with the desire to conquer the world, but unable to leave their sad reality behind.

Jaehyun still remembers that fateful day a year ago, and he still feels like it happened yesterday.

The guilt gnawed at him every passing day, terrorizing each of his nights as he wondered: Why?

Why did something like that have to happen to someone as good as Dong Sicheng was?

A year ago, when Jaehyun had chosen to go deliver a package of stash after Winwin had asked him to stay and keep him company, and he had denied that request... that decision still drilled into his head.

Winwin's family and he had been robbed in their own home. Knowing who had done it, the reasons for the event, and who had ordered such inhumanity, were still a mystery. When Winwin's parents along with him tried to flee the place by leaving in a car; it had not been the wisest decision they had made at the moment... because not long after, outside of Neo Zone, after the group of people who had robbed their home managed to shoot a clean shot in one of the tires of the rear part of the car, causing Winwin's father to lose control of his own vehicle and not a few meters later it would impact hard enough for the car to be shot in another direction, causing immediate damage.

Jaehyun only remembers receiving a call from Lucas and minutes later finding himself at the entrance to the Emergency Room of the General Hospital, where a stretcher with Winwin's body was being transported.

He remembers seeing the blood. He remembers hearing Lucas and Mark's screams asking to see their friend. He remembers standing still at the entrance to the Emergency Room.

But above all, he remembers thinking, what would have happened if instead of deciding to go sell that stupid package of stash, what if he had stayed at home with his mother and Sicheng?

A week in a coma and a diagnosis of paraplegia was what made Jaehyun lose his mind.

It had been a year since the accident, and Winwin had not even progressed a bit. After being diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, it had been difficult to help the injury in the dorsal spine that he had suffered; the damage had been partial, Winwin could handle his movements and his sensitivity to walk again... if only he would come out of the state of shock he was still in.

There were too many things he experienced in so few minutes, so much physical and mental pain for what happened, that now, Sicheng couldn't react.

It had been a year since Sicheng hasn’t spoken.

The doctors assured that he could hear and understand everything, but he was simply mentally tired to process the words and make them come out of his mouth.

His body didn't react as it should either.

And until Winwin had the strength of his own will to do it, the only thing they could do at that clinic was to keep him on medication so that the pains would not persist.

But Jaehyun couldn't take it anymore.

What he would give for Sicheng to be able to enjoy life again.

Unfortunately, the visits he made to the hospital... didn't last more than half an hour since that was the place's regulation. So, his farewell was as quick as his arrival.

"See you on Saturday, Win," he put his hand on his shoulder. "Don't give the nurses too much trouble."

He could swear he heard Winwin laugh and say goodbye.

Even though that really didn't happen.

(Y/N), who throughout the visit remained silent observing both boys, could feel her heart in her hand. She had never believed she would see that vulnerability on Jaehyun's part, and knowing what it was about because of the importance his best friend had in his life, made her heart ache with sadness even more.

"Now I'll take you home," murmured Jaehyun when he passed by her without saying anything else.

The girl glanced back, looking for the last time at Sicheng's silhouette, who hadn't moved from the same place since they had both arrived in the room. She took a deep breath and left the room when Jaehyun was already far enough away.

She didn't know what to say. There were no words of comfort for the situation, and she knew it, that's why they both silently said goodbye to the nurse who had received them and continued like that until they entered the car, which was not parked far away.

Jaehyun allowed himself to lean back on the driver's seat as he closed his eyes and sighed heavily.

"I guess you have many questions," Jaehyun said without opening his eyes.

She had.

"I don't know if I really should ask them," (Y/N) confessed as she looked at him.

The boy remained silent for a few seconds.

"Sicheng and his parents had an accident a year ago," Jaehyun said, opening his eyes to look at her. "An accident that was caused."

"By whom?"

"No one knows," he replied, taking his hands to the steering wheel of the car and squeezing it tightly. "His parents died instantly... Winwin arrived at the hospital in critical condition; it was a miracle that he came out alive."

"Why...?"

"Why is he in this clinic?" he interrupted, and she nodded with a knot in her stomach. "The accident had a great impact and damaged on his dorsal spine; the doctors diagnosed partial paraplegia; his sensitivity in his legs was minimal, and he couldn't make any extensive movements with his legs that didn't make him cry from the pain. After seven days, he woke up from the coma and realized everything that had happened, including my uncle's death... he hasn't said a single word since then... the doctors said it would take time for him to recover, and that eventually, he would speak, but Winwin doesn't have the will to do it; he's still in a kind of state of shock, and that has delayed his recovery," he explained, unable to see her in the eyes.

"Who... who pays for all this if Sicheng's parents aren't here?" she asked curiously.

Jaehyun sighed; "For the first few months, my boss covered part of the monthly fee, until suddenly he stopped doing it. Since then, I've been taking care of it."

The girl's expression was one of surprise.

"How do you do it?"

"That’s the reason I'm in the business that I'm in," he replied, changing his gaze to her, being able to see directly into her eyes and causing her to feel a shiver run through her body.

There was something about those bruised eyes that had done something to her.

"It must be hard," the girl said in a murmur.

Jaehyun snorted and nodded slowly. He hated being seen in his less tough character. The only person he allowed himself to be like that with was Lucas... or Winwin. And for a stranger to see him like that... made his blood boil.

"You know? Winwin loved dancing," Jaehyun said, smiling sideways as the memory came to his mind.

That fact wasn't strange for (Y/N), she remembers seeing Winwin at the school theater... the only boy from Neo Zone who was part of the dance team. She didn't even know how he had managed that, but he must have been good if the Kwangya students allowed him to be in the group.

"Now nobody knows if he'll be able to do it again," Jaehyun continued. "Winwin was the only one of all of us who really had a future, he wasn't even a gang member... he hadn't even gone through his initiation, and look how he ended up."

(Y/N) swallowed.

"Mark Lee is no longer friends with you, right?" The girl asked curiously.

"Things got complicated with him after the accident."

The brunette fell silent for a moment and then shifted her body to face him.

“Haven't you thought about looking for another alternative?��� she questioned again “You know? If you let me help you, maybe I could get you a position at my father's company and...”

“Shh. I think I've told you it's not that easy.”

“ But it could be” she insisted.

Jaehyun scoffed and shook his head as he looked away from her.

“I not only have to cover this quota, I also have to bring money home, for my mom and for Jeno. It's the easiest way to get what I need” he confessed “besides, I told you once... in Neo Zone there's no way out, once you're in, you're in forever.”

The tattoos on his neck were what sentenced him to a miserable life forever.

But as long as that miserable life helped to ease the pain and managed to make Sicheng return to who he was, it would be worth it.

“It doesn't have to be like this” she murmured, focusing on her own hands.

"You don't know what it's like to be part of this," he countered in a low voice.

How had they opened up to have such a conversation so suddenly?

The girl felt her lip tremble as she remembered the scene she had witnessed minutes earlier in that room, and she couldn't help but think about how it would feel to lose a loved one in such a way... knowing that physically they were present, but mentally they weren't there.

(Y/N) had always had a heart easy to move, but she really never believed that Jung Jaehyun would be able to achieve that.

"Is that why you insist on continuing school?" she asked, looking at him again.

"Students are my best clients," he replied with a half smile.

(Y/N) didn't know how to take that.

She closed her eyes for a moment and then said, "I can help you with a few more assignments," she assured. "But only for a while and in my own way. But, I don't want you to involve me in any of the problems you're in, it will only be school matters. I don't want to be associated with anything you do, if anything you do is enough to help Sicheng, I'll try not to question it."

Jaehyun couldn't believe what he had just heard.

"If that helps you help me and me stay in school..." he paused "...I might be willing."

"What's the reason for your change of heart?"

"Because if I were in the same situation as you, I would also want someone to somehow help me," she replied, hugging herself.

The boy nodded with a half-smile, and without further ado, he started the car.

"Only school matters," Jaehyun confirmed.

She definitely didn't know what he had just gotten himself into.

______________________________________________

The day after the visit to the National Rehabilitation Center, something happened that made (Y/N) unable to concentrate enough during class hours. Her mind kept going back to the place over and over again, but how horrible was the situation the boy was in. One day you're capable, and the next... not even being able to move. How could anyone endure that?

At some point in the morning, during the physics period, her mind was spinning, her leg moving anxiously, and she bit her lips. She tried to erase the conversation she and Jaehyun had had the day before a thousand times and tried to erase the image of Winwin in that room.

But it was impossible.

Just when she thought she had succeeded, the image returned immediately.

She hated being someone who cared too much about things.

Because she knew something wasn't right with her when she found herself in front of the doors of the Rehabilitation Center.

Her coat shielded her from the cold breeze on that day, and as she clutched her bag to her, she didn't think anymore and entered the place.

She felt a little out of place when she entered the center, but after a few minutes, a presence came in front of her.

"Hello, good morning," the nurse greeted her. "Oh, you're the girl who accompanied Jaehyun yesterday, right?" She asked in confusion.

The girl smiled and nodded. "Yes, I'm Hwang (Y/N). I'm Jaehyun's classmate... and Winwin's."

"How nice of you to visit us... are you here to see Winwin? It's rare to see someone come for him other than Lucas or Jaehyun," confessed the nurse.

"Um, yes... I could say I'm here for a visit," the girl smiled. "But, to be honest... yesterday I overheard a bit of his conversation with Jaehyun... I know Winwin's payment is delayed this month."

"Yes, usually Jaehyun finds a way to pay on time," she sighed. "But this month it's been delayed for a few weeks, and if I'm honest, I've been doing everything I can to keep Winwin from being discharged."

The girl nodded and asked, "Do you think Winwin's treatment will still take time?"

"I can't answer that accurately," admitted the nurse. "It's all a matter of Winwin's will, but to be honest, right now he has no will at all, so far as we're concerned, and if the payment continues to be monthly... he could spend another half a year here."

The girl understood the situation, and although she would like to think more about it... she didn't, so she didn't even know when she blurted out those words: "Is there any way I can pay for the next six months?"

The nurse's eyes widened with surprise, and she looked at the girl with enthusiasm. "Are you serious?"

"Yes," she replied. "I would like to help one of my classmates as long as I can. Money is not a problem," she confessed.

"Wow... thank you, i really appreciate that. Winwin is a boy with a lot of potential from what we know, and although we're sad that we haven't made the progress we want, we know that someday he will leave through that door better," (Y/N) smiled nostalgically.

"I just need to ask you something," the brunette confessed. "Could you not tell Jaehyun that I've paid?" she questioned.

"I don't know if it's easy to lie to someone like Jaehyun," the nurse laughed. "But since it's something good you've done... I'll try," the nurse walked to the desk with (Y/N) behind her. "(Y/N)?" She called and paid attention. "I know there may be many things about Jaehyun... but he's a good guy... beneath all that facade; he really has something good."

Those words hammered in her head. "Thank you."

_____________________________________________

(Y/N) reviewed the same line of text she had read five times now on some molasses topic. Trying to understand the topic deeply.

The air coming lightly through one of the library windows was enough for her to try to hug herself to take warmth, read a bit from the physics books on the table, and impatiently move her leg.

She didn't know at what exact moment a tall figure stood in front of her, but what she did know was that that person didn't seem very happy.

"Why did you do it?" Jaehyun let out while looking directly at her.

"I don't know what you're talking about," (Y/N) replied while looking at her book attentively.

"I know you know. I thought I told you I don't need your money," Jaehyun repeated with annoyance.

"I still don't know what you're talking about," the girl stopped seeing her book and changed her gaze to the boy.

"Don't play with me," the boy exclaimed exasperatedly. "Why did I went to the center today and they told me Winwin's treatment has been paid for the next six months?"

The girl shrugged. "It could have been your boss."

"My boss doesn't give a shit about Winwin!" Exclaimed the boy. "I told you I didn't need your money, I was clear, I don't want to owe anything to anyone from Kwangya."

"You don't need to pay me back," the girl assured, standing up in front of Jaehyun. "With the money you'll save from that, you'll be able to sell less."

"It seems you don't understand a fucking thing!" Jaehyun raised your arms with annoyance. "Paying or not paying for Sicheng's treatment, it doesn't change the fact that I sell drugs!" The boy explained regardless of where they were; they were lucky the library wasn't being occupied by other people.

"Everyone starts somewhere!" the girl attacked. "I just wanted to take a weight off your shoulders."

Jaehyun scoffed and looked at her with a sarcastic smile.

"Why? I don't need your pity! If you hadn't accompanied me yesterday, you'd still be thinking Winwin had moved to China! You didn't give a fucking damn even when he was your classmate!"

(Y/N) started gathering her things and putting them in her backpack.

"Saying thank you would have been enough, Jaehyun!" the girl remarked. "I know you can do better with your life," she murmured as she turned to look at him.

Jaehyun's blood was boiling; he hated when people interfered in his life, as if he didn't already have enough to deal with.

"You don't know anything about me! You said it yourself; we're not even friends," he retorted.

"And what if I want to get to know you better?" the girl exclaimed without thinking. They both fell silent, staring into each other's eyes. (Y/N) didn't even want to say those words, but she did.

She couldn't deny that Jung Jaehyun was intriguing. She didn't know why. She didn't know why she had been avoiding him for weeks, but since that night at Neo Zone, when they had talked about the deal, she knew it would be difficult to shake him off, and when she had... something inside her wanted them to meet again. Why are things so difficult? They are two different people from different backgrounds; why would she suddenly be interested in him? Was it because she saw him vulnerable the day before? Or was it because she believed there was something good in him, just like the nurse had said?

She must be crazy to think like that.

"You really don't want to do it," Jaehyun said with a bit more calmness.

"I know you can get out out of that hole, Jaehyun."

"Winwin's parents tried, and look how that ended up!" he exclaimed. "There's no way out in Neo Zone, get that through your head," he explained. "There's nothing good about me. I don't even know why you think so, just because yesterday you saw something different or because I drove you home a couple of times, doesn't mean you know everything about me!"

"Stop acting like a fucking jerk."

"Like a jerk? This is reality! Your act of charity isn't going to change my life. I was born a dealer, and that's how my life will end!"

"I really believe there's something good in you."

"Well, keep believing it."

"If you ever feel grateful, you know where to find me," the girl said, gathering her things and walking out of the library.

Jaehyun cursed under his breath and shook his hands in frustration. In just a few days, the girl had managed to push his buttons faster than anyone else from Neo Zone.

But when he saw her walk out the door, why did he feel regret for lashing out at her?

_______________________________________________

The week had been slow this time. (Y/N) and Jaehyun had been avoiding each other like the plague, not even looking at each other when they crossed paths in the hallway. For the girl, it seemed like childish behavior, especially coming from Jaehyun and his usual façade; now he seemed nothing more than someone throwing a tantrum after she only wanted to help him.

But she still thought she really wanted to get to know him better.

What was behind his façade? What was it that made him who he was? Not the boy from Neo Zone, not the dealer everyone knew... who was Jeong Jaehyun really?

That question had been on her mind for weeks, and it disappointed her a bit to know that she might never know the answers to those doubts she had about the boy.

Today was warm compared to the weather last week. The sun was shining brightly, and luckily for (Y/N), her mother had decided to return her car. So her day had started off on the right foot, and hoping for a good day, she took the opportunity to stop by her favorite coffee shop in Kwangya. Ordering her usual vanilla latte and just before it was time to pay, a thought invaded her mind, and after debating it internally, she decided to follow her thoughts.

An hour and a half later, when she was the last one to leave her physics class, someone blocked her path at the classroom door. Holding her book to her chest, after the unexpected startle, she looked ahead to find no one but Jaehyun. Who stood silently in front of her, with the same leather jacket he used to wear, the same combination of marijuana and vanilla scent, and with the same enchanting eyes, that she had just noticed.

She was in dangerous territory.

And she knew it.

"I need to go to my next class, Jaehyun," the girl said shortly.

For a few seconds, the boy in front of her didn't say anything, he just watched her, until he sighed and slowly said, "Thank you."

Short and to the point, he didn't say anything else, and that was enough to make (Y/N)'s heart flutter in a thousand ways.

"For the coffee," the boy finished. "And for the notes."

"I did my part, I told you I would help you," said (Y/N) as she fiddled with her fingers.

"I thought you wouldn't after the last time we met," Jaehyun confessed.

"I'm sticking to that."

A small silence ensued. Two people face to face. With thousands of doubts between them and things to resolve. What had drawn them together? How was it that the universe managed to put two completely different people in the same place?

"Did you mean it?" Jaehyun asked, and when he noticed that (Y/N) didn't understand what he meant, he continued. "About wanting to get to know me more."

(Y/N) swallowed hard and looking him in the eyes, nodded.

"I still believe there's something good in you."

"Why?"

"I don't know yet," she replied honestly. "And it's killing me. A while ago, I wouldn't have wanted anything to do with you, not even to cross paths, but now, I don't know what's changed, but every time I try to stay away, it's like something brings me back here," she confessed, leaving Jaehyun speechless, who just watched her, trying to decipher everything she was saying.

It was killing him too.

"Let's go to my car," he said.

"Huh?" she asked, confused.

"You want to know more about me, then get in my car," he said again, this time making his way to the parking lot, with (Y/N) behind him, who didn't say a single word, just followed his lead.

What was he doing?

When they reached the car, Jaehyun opened the passenger door, causing (Y/N) to get in without protesting. Then Jaehyun got into the driver's seat and without further ado, started the engine. She didn't know what was happening or what would happen next, but right now she could only trust Jaehyun.

Even though she didn't know how bad an idea that might be.

A few minutes later, as they had traveled a long distance, (Y/N) noticed they were approaching Neo Zone, and with her eyes wide open, she panicked.

"This is me," Jaehyun said out of nowhere, catching the girl's attention. "See all these streets? This is where I belong. This is what I am," he explained carefully.

(Y/N) looked out the window, a couple of people smoking on the sidewalk, others passing joints, and other silent streets. The houses weren't that big... rather, they looked cramped. Unlike what she was used to, to her lifestyle, this didn't seem like it would be enough for a family.

But what did she know with the privilege she had?

"I grew up here, this is what I know," he commented. "Most people are born and die here, it's something that seems to be already written," he continued as his car slowed down. "Those of us from here have a different perspective on life... people from Kwangya lives for the money... we live to survive, and although it's getting harder and harder, we manage to do it," the car finally stopped, and still looking out the window, (Y/N) saw a small house in front of them. One story, not much to describe or point out, it was small but for some reason, it looked cozy.

(Y/N) changed her gaze to Jaehyun, who was still looking ahead and spoke.

"Is this your house?"

Jaehyun nodded.

(Y/N) smiled softly.

"Would you invite me in?"

______________________________________________

He doesn't know how (Y/N) managed to have an effect on him, but now they were there, inside his little house, (Y/N) carefully examining the walls around them and analyzing every aspect of the small space.

He was grateful there were no one at home.

"It looks cozy," (Y/N) said as she looked at one of the frames hanging on the wall.

"I guess it's not even a third of your house," Jaehyun assured to (Y/N).

“And no matter how many people are there, it always feels lonely," she confessed. "It's like no one leaves anything there, like it's something unimportant. As if it's not a home," she finished.

Jaehyun looked at her gently, and as she looked around, thousands of things went through his mind.

"To be honest with you," the girl spoke. "I see more vibes from Jeno in this house than yours," she said. "Many things here seem related to Jeno... but I don't see many things related to you..." she continued. "It's like you don't even think about staying here for long."

"I don't plan on leaving Neo Zone," Jaehyun asserted, crossing his arms.

"Don't you want a different future?"

"There's no future for me," Jaehyun pointed out. "And if there were, I'd prefer to give it to Jeno. He has much more to live for than I do."

"You also have a life to live. A future to write, you can change what is today, for something better," (Y/N) turned around to face the boy.

"I have no way out," the boy replied. "Do you think this is easy? After seeing my dad die and doing everything my bosses ask me to do no matter what. Taking care of my mom, Jeno, and now Winwin? Huh? Making sure Winwin becomes who he was again and that my brother doesn't end up being a fucking addict are enough reasons for me not to leave here," Jaehyun concluded, getting dangerously close to her, with a few centimeters separating them.

The words echoed in her head strongly.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Don't pity me," Jaehyun said under his breath.

"It's not that. It's just that every time I think about all this and now that I see your place and I don't see anything that seems to belong to you, it makes me think that's what you're looking for, to belong to something and leave here as soon as there's an opportunity,"

Jaehyun looked directly at her, not knowing what to say. And afraid to think that maybe she was right.

Because yes, maybe he wanted to get out of there, along with his mom, Jeno, and Winwin; maybe he wanted to do something with his life that wasn't illegal, but what was the point of thinking about it when he knew he wouldn't make it? He was afraid to admit that he wanted to be able to change things, to be able to make his family okay, that no shadow from the past would follow them, that they would have a place where they could forge a clean and safe future.

"This has never been about what I want," Jaehyun commented with a future. "Since I was born, everything around me was the gang. After my father's death, I knew what was coming, and I knew I would never be able to get out of it. It doesn’t matter what I want. It matter what my boss wants, he has that kind of power, no one below him has their own decision. The whole life of Neo Zone is ruled by him," he concluded, even closer to her.

(Y/N) looked him in the eyes, her breath uncontrolled. Her chest heaved, and her hands were sweating.

"What do you want, Jaehyun?" she whispered.

The boy paused for a moment and looked at her lips.

"Now?" he asked, and she nodded. "Would it be unrealistic to say that I want to kiss you?"

"How realistic would it be to say that I want you to do it?

She didn't even finish the question because Jaehyun's lips collided firmly with hers. The boy's long hands slid through (Y/N)'s soft hair, her hair smelling of lavender shampoo. He gently covered her cheek with one of his rough hands, and she melted into the touch.

It wasn't a hurried kiss, as (Y/N) thought it would be; actually, Jaehyun was taking the time to savor every passing second. As if this moment would disappear at any minute and he wanted to hold onto it.

Was he looking for something to belong to?

His hand moved from her cheek to her waist, and she took the opportunity to press her body against his and release a moan of pleasure. As if she felt complete leaning against Jaehyun's warmth.

As if it was something they both longed for for a long time.

And even though she wanted to continue with the act, they were severely interrupted when a car horn sounded incessantly outside the house, causing them to separate with tremendous confusion. (Y/N)'s red cheeks were enough to make Jaehyun's heart race, but when he heard another horn, he took her hand and they walked outside in hurry.

And then, there was Jeno, being thrown out of the back of a car, blood streaming from a cut on his eyebrow, bruises scattered all over his body, and falling firmly to the ground after being thrown.

"I want this to be the last time your brother sets foot in our zone. Next time it won't be him we throw," the familiar voice of a boy from the opposing gang spoke up. Chris. Who was with the window down and smiling maliciously. "Neither will it be you, Jung. It will be the girl who will end up like this,"

Jaehyun moved abruptly from his place to try to reach the car, but it left as fast as it could, (Y/N) shocked to hear those words, didn't do anything more than approach Jeno to help him up. Then Jaehyun cursed under his breath and looked into the distance at the girl and her brother together.

And his chest tightened as he realized that now, she too had been involved.

And he believed there was no turning back, because she was right... Jaehyun wanted to belong to something.

But how selfish would it be to belong to (Y/N)?

a/n: well now you know what happened to Winwin TT. Once again I’m sorry if this took too long I promise I’ll try to update sooner this time!

taglist is open! if you want to be added just lemme know;)

taglist: @spicyryujin @kriizztin @daegalismybiasinnct @peachfulnight @gojoscumslut @bluedbliss @dear-97 @girlwholoveslpreppyattire @hana-off-icial @cigarettesafterjae

[strawberrysnoopy]

ACT ONE: The Photo Shoot, part one

prologue

summary of the series: for months, leon has been writhing in his bed dreaming of his friend's wife (you). he's been fighting the desperation for months until that one night you bring up a lingerie shoot you've done for a prestigious brand.

summary of this part: recalling the first time you and leon met, you've realized you've been poorly treated by your husband. leon is no different, in a toxic relationship with his wife, ada wong. as the seeds of resentment have begun to germinate, the desire for you grows like a brush fire nearby.

warnings: MENTIONS OF PUKE, BUT NOT ACTUAL PUKING, leon teaches you how to smoke (i don't wanna see no dumb stupid comments about "oh but leon hates smoking", well leon isn't disloyal but here we are), brief use of (adjective) girl (atta girl, good girl, silly girl), praise, mentions of misogyny (not from Leon ofc), awkward, tense ass convos, a fuckton of desc. and a little description, no sex (yet ;) ), cussing, descriptions of fucking, descriptions of masturbation, semi-public masturbation, almost caught masturbating, slight corruption kink (? if you squint), alcohol consumption, use of tobacco, smoking, implied sexual references, etc.

also a/n, writing this as of feb. 2nd, 2024: 60 notes?!!!!! i was writing this for my own personal pleasure but like...??!?! i got reblogged so many times?! im gagged, tysm you guys!!! making a playlist rn, so excited to release the soundtrack. if you see little random edits, i'm probably obsessing over the fic and trying to make it perfect lol/anticipate changes. i would also like to write I DO NOT CONDONE CHEATING! always communicate with your partner, discuss issues, etc. this fic is just a lil’ taboo type of fantasy, do NOT cheat on your partners.

The first time you met Leon was at a grocery store: two weeks before your husband would have any idea of his existence and one week before he had invited Leon and his wife, Ada, over for dinner. You were picking up a bottle of red wine for you and your husband under the guise of wanting something nice for date night. The reality would actually be you were buying it for yourself after your husband decides you're not worth his affections anymore, lazily mosey on over to the spare room, and pull out his phone to text other women. The wine would be something to drink to inebriate you while you watched a shitty re-run of a sitcom from the 90s. Maybe if you got lucky, Golden Girls was on.

He was only browsing, stumbling upon the liquor section and staying to look if there would be anything worthwhile. And there was. It was you. He knew he had to think of something witty, something cool people say, before you left and thought he was some creep staring at you because he saw a smidgen of your breasts in a magazine. "You're a famous model, right?" He asked. Oh, how stupid he felt. He was a chronic overthinker: thinking of every last terrible scenario, a trait he picked up after becoming an agent. This had certainly felt like one of the worst options he picked, especially with how you would-- You interrupted him. "Yeah, that's me." The subtle sweetness, the slight rasp in your voice was better than anything any street drug could offer with the amount of dopamine flooding into his brain: overloading every neuron, synapse, dendrite, and cell membrane in his body.

But for whatever reason, he stretched his hand outwards and lazily grinned towards you. "I'm Leon." "Nice to meet you. Well, I'd say my name but y'know..." He nodded in an awkward agreement before you could even finish your sentence, but not daring to go as far to interrupt you. He felt as if he already started off the conversation with a cumbersome beginning. "Right, right. So, that's your real name? I see a lot of models use stage names n' stuff like that." He adjusts his weight from one foot to the other, switching the hand holding his grocery basket from his right to his left. He felt so...awkward around you. Maybe it was the fact you were a famous model, or maybe it was the fact you were just so calm. The joke causes a soft chuckle to leave your lips and the mere look of a fleeting moment of bliss to cross over your features makes his knees turn into gelatin. Those nerves solidify into stone when the overwhelming sense of guilt hits him like a tidal wave but allows it to wash over him for the sake of continuing the conversation.

"Yeah, just my regular name. I'm not that creative outside of modeling. Usually the photographers do the thinking and the creative processes for me." He chuckled, shaking his head and barely moving himself a little closer. Leon wanted to sink in that gentle, warm, and soft presence you carried around with you. Your aura felt comforting: like a hug after a tough day: it had felt so much more different than his wife. True, Ada could be affectionate but that's usually only after something good has happened to her or Leon was her last resort of attention. He really hated how much he would act like an obedient dog, awaiting her arrival home, coming back to her after she's treated him like dirt. You? You felt so goddamn altruistic and considerate. And he's only known you for three minutes.

You notice he's gone silent and you're silently hoping he thought you were cool. Cool. Like a teenager trying to fit in. You silently cringe at yourself until he smiles at you, almost like he's signaling you to continue the conversation. You can't think of any conversation starters. And you're a model for gods sake. You're usually so outgoing and social with other people but now it's like a cat came by and stole your voice box. Thankfully, he takes over that portion for you. "Buying wine?" He knew it was dry as all hell but he wanted to steer the conversation away from him being a fan of your modeling gigs. No, he just wanted to talk to you and discover what you were like behind the camera. (Okay, and maybe he wanted to see if you'd flirt with him.) "Yup. But I'm just buying wine for..." You paused, about to say 'for me and my husband' but your throat becomes dry whenever you feel like you're about to announce it to him. "...Myself."

He smiles. He likes that you're awkward in real life. The fact made you feel more real, like you weren't just some sexy model with expensive tastes and a bratty attitude. You were a person like anyone else.

"Right. Me too, just uh...just browsing." You nod, fidgeting anxiously with the sleeves of the coat you decided to toss on last minute before leaving the house.

The conversation went on to end when you eventually realized you would be home late. Although you thought that worrying your husband a little would be the thing that reignited the spark in your marriage, you knew that punctuality was a habit you'd like to upkeep. That, and you also knew if you talked to this handsome stranger for longer, you'd cheat on your husband. That night, Leon had fallen asleep to the thought of you for the first time. Soft little visions of pressing his lips against yours, caressing your cheek softly and whispering sweet nothings into your ear, etc, etc, cheesy lovey dovey bullshit. So much more different than the truly filthy thoughts he had about you nowadays. You're torn from your conversation with your friends when you make eye contact with him. You can practically feel his eyes travel from the hair at the highest point on your head to the very last bit of your black, leathery heels with perfect pretty pearls embellished on the pump. For a moment, you feel like you're trapped in some type of horny labyrinth while you stare longingly at him.

He's ripped out of his own longing by the feeling of your husband's hand slapping his back. Ada sat beside Leon with her arm protectively wrapped around his bicep. You felt as if the gesture were a signal to everyone at the party that Leon belonged to her. He was under her control, nobody else's. Or maybe the protective message was for her husband, as if he was an unruly friend to her husband. And you could agree with that. You fell in love with your husband because he was wild and care-free but after the diamond ring was slipped onto your ring finger, you realized he was also carefree in the sense that hurt you: talking to other women behind your back, and leaving for days at a time only to come back inebriated. But you stood by his side, no matter what. You hated how you felt like a doormat but you didn't know what else to do besides stay married and play the role of an oblivious wife while your husband fucks other women in various positions. In a way, you and Leon sat in the same loveless boat. Who knew when that same boat would be shaking from the violence of the both of you fucking, clothing pulled out and to the side instead of being fully taken off. Your thoughts become interrupted by an unmistakably handsome voice.

"Hey."

You feel a hand being placed upon your lower back except it's so much more different than your husband's. The palms were rough, callouses inside the nooks and crannies, and pulsing veins make you all dizzy if you thought about it for too long. His voice was dampened with some undertone of lust, his fingers prodding into the skin of your sides. He's always been a little too handsy for a man that's supposed to happily married. But you always figured touch was how he communicates: touch. But he's never touchy with your husband. Or any of your friends. And he missed you? Sure, your're friends due to the fact your husband was friends with Leon. (Even though you met him first, but I digress.) The simple phrase had your mind reeling, cheeks flushed red due to the hidden intimacy of it all. His wife shoots him a look and his hand immediately retreats back to his side, fighting the urge to palm the engorged erection struggling against the seam of his boxers. "Haven't seen you in so long, hm? Thought you disappeared on me for a minute." He's holding his facade of being totally and irrevocably in love with Ada up and steady. Like he had no feelings for you other than being friends.

"Of course not." You murmur, feeling a hearty chuckle reverberate from his chest. He takes his index finger and his thumb and gently swiping it against your chin.

"Atta girl." And of course, with how hoarse his voice is, your panties are instantly puddled with a thick pool of arousal. You hate his stupid, thick, sexy, and deep voice. You especially hate his voice whenever you imagine him degrading and praising you whenever your husband was away and you just happened to have your hand down your underwear, playing with your clit to ease the throbbing impulses you felt for Leon. He gives your back a single pat before moving back to stand beside his wife. You really hate that you feel jealousy flare like wildfire within you, but you brush it off.

Everyone would eventually be drawn to the several dining tables that were arranged in a group and had golden candlesticks and smooth white tablecloths on top. Once you are seated, you observe that Leon appears to be striving extra hard to guarantee his place beside you. He looks right at you for a brief moment. And only then can you see, just a hint of thirst sprouting in his eyes, before he glances away from you and gives Ada a quick smile while patting her thigh.

It's only a few minutes before Leon decides to break the awkward silence.

"How's that modeling gig going?" You nod, gulping down way too much champagne.

"Good, been going good. Have to admit it gets a little boring posing in front of the camera after a while but can't bite the hand that pays you, right?" You joke, and the table laughs with some sense of jealousy. "Nice to hear. What was your latest shoot?" He asked, leaning forward in a sudden rush of intrigue. Then those words pass your lips. Words he had never anticipated, even in his wildest guess (oddly.)

"A lingerie shoot. For Chanel." The table goes quiet. And everyone, including your dumb-ass husband, look at you. Someone (Ada) clears their throat in the dining room, hinting at you to elaborate and it's almost like you suddenly developed to ability to hear from light years away.

Leon, who had just finally got his goddamn boner under control feels his cock twitch back to life, fully hard instead of a semi this time. And correct him if he's wrong, but he starts to feel pre-cum smearing his dress pants. He's thankful he chose the black slacks instead of his lighter colored ones otherwise this would be downright humiliating.

"Sorry, um...I did an intimates photo-shoot for Chanel a few weeks ago for their new line of clothing." That seems to help lighten the mood a lot more because everyone goes back to their conversation with their respective friends, the embarrassing "confession" from you immediately leaving their minds. "The theme was Overtime. Like, staying later in the office with my shirt unbuttoned and stuff. Nothing that interesting."

The table simultaneously nodded, Leon going as far to excuse himself for a cigarette.

"If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go have a smoke." Leon scoots out from his seat, heading towards the upstairs balcony to take care of business. Asshole, leaving me with his mean ass wife.

You decide to join him outside.

The air had finally gotten too tense, felt too judgmental for your taste. Scampering outside, you're met with the sight of Leon smoking a cigarette outside. That's odd: you've usually pegged him to be the straight-laced, no-nonsense type of man yet here he was, smoking a cigarette while leaning against the balustrade of their friend's top floor home. At the sound of the balcony door opening, he turns his head to see what you're doing out here. His eyes scan you, almost like he would while he's in combat but it's more or less to get another glimpse of the outfit you were wearing tonight. Okay, and maybe he wanted to commit the sight of you to memory.

"You alright?" He asked, trying his best to look straight forward when you step closer and cross your arms over the balustrade.

"M'fine, just needed a minute of fresh air, I think." When you sit beside Leon, there's a few things you notice. The first was his outfit. A white button-up that usually would be covered by his black suit jacket, though he left it behind on his chair in the dining room. There's also mentioning his blacks slacks, fitting his muscular thighs a bit tight but loose enough so they're comfortable. Then there's the dress shoes, ones he wore at his wedding due to how overly formal they looked. Maybe he wanted to get some more use out of them? Who knows.

"What about you? Why are you out here?" You decided to be the one to take the reigns since the air outside had become incredibly awkward as well. "Same. Thought I'd take a minute of fresh air, you know?" The second thing you notice about Leon is how much he calms you. More importantly, how much you never noticed that you were anxious when you were around others. He had this aura of relaxing or maybe you were just buzzed, who knows that either? Maybe it's the cigarette, speaking of...

"I haven't smoked since college. Cigarettes, I mean. Don't think I even know how to do it anymore." The confession makes his head tilt to the side, now taking more of an interest in the conversation than before. He grinned wolfishly, taking your chin in one of his thick and strong hands and pulling your head forward. For a second, you could almost be dumb enough to think he'd be moving in for a kiss. Of course not. You'd never be that lucky. "Open f'me, sweetheart." And like an obedient puppy, you opened your mouth just enough so your pretty pink-shaded lips could be parted. He placed the cigarette on your lip, the moisture making the filter stay in your mouth alongside his index and middle finger holding it up, thumb brushing your chin. Little hazes of grey smoke dance along your tongue without even taking a sip of the smoke yet, your lips trembling with a lustful agony. "Now close your mouth..." He whispered, his damp and hot and horny breath hitting your ear like an affectionate declaration of love. "And inhale."

You close your lips around the cigarette, faintly tasting the flavor of him where he had sucked on the cigarette. You got notes of citrus, rum or some expensive, top-shelf label of whiskey he used to help quell the pain he experienced on grueling missions, tobacco, and maybe even the slightest hint of his wife's lipstick. Chanel's Rogue Allure, if you had to guess correctly. "...Now hold it..."

You held it. "Silly girl." He whispered, pulling the cigarette away from your lips while you slowly exhaled the rest of the smoke you've been holding in your mouth and then some. You can't tell if it's because of the alcohol, Leon's presence, or your mere anxiety but you begin to feel dizzy. Thankfully Leon seems to swoop in with his questions to keep your head in the game. Bless him.

"Why'd you need a minute, huh?"

For a minute there, you didn't know how to respond. Looking down at the leathery pumps you chose for the evening, you begin to wonder why you even chose them instead of answering his question. But you answered him. Eventually.

"I'm just tired. This whole night just seems a bit…” You gesture to the party in the background. “Fake. I don’t want to be here."

He hummed in agreement, but it felt like more of a signal for you to keep going. "I'm also just terrible at making conversation. Especially when it's awkward and silent."

His eyes flicker down to the pumps he'd already stared at tonight, not finding an interest in them anymore than your own body. He tucked his lip between his teeth, pulling the pink flesh away from his mouth before he spoke up again. "You're not that bad, you know? I think you're pretty good. How about this?" He pauses. Then a beat passes.

"Tell me something true. Tell me something you wouldn't brag to anyone about." He moved his cigarette to rest on the balustrade instead of the space between his fingers. "Something that's yours...and only yours."

You look at Leon with wide eyes, mouth agape as you struggle to answer his question. Your eyes rake down his face from the space between his eyebrows to his parted, pink lips: just a little chapped from the cold chill of the night air. You wanted to kiss him. All of those times you've had him over for dinner, all of those times you've spent with your hand down your panties while your husband was away on "business": dreaming of his best friend, Leon, and god, all of those times you thought about throwing caution to the wind and leaning in to press your lips against his: the sum of all of those moments had you quivering for more.

But you'd never cheat. You have a reputation. You have a husband that gifted you the pretty diamond ring on your finger. But how did it always feel so...impossible? Like you couldn't live another day if you weren't able to fuck Leon like a rabid dog in heat. But he was staring at you, almost as if his eyes were laser beams and searing holes into your skin: you had to answer.

"I don't know what I could tell you that's only mine." You chew on your lip. "Huh. How about..."

How about the fact I wanna kiss you? I wish it was you I was in bed with rather than my stupid, cheating husband? The fact you are so much hotter than him?

"I hate being a trophy." And that brings the biggest grin on Leon's face. A massive shit-eating grin. Leon had gone stir crazy. He wanted to peel your entire being open, see all of the nooks and crannies of your soul and devour it whole. But now wasn't the time to scare you away: even if he wanted to fuck you, you were still a friend to him. So he calmed down. "I can't say that's too surprising. I mean, who would? Being able to be pretty and have money being tossed at you is nice until you want something deeper. Then it seems like one of the only things that are scarce in your life."

You nod, letting out a breath of consolation. "That's exactly how I feel. Like my only purpose is to sit still, look pretty, serve my husband, and be a hole when he needs it."

His eyes become downcast, looking down at the garden on the ground level of the restaurant. "I get what you mean." The moment was interrupted by a waiter peeking out on the two of you: head poked outside of the door that lead to the outside area. He pulls his hand away from your soft skin and back to his side, sighing wistfully that tonight wouldn't be the night he gets to act on his desires for you. Damn it all to hell.

"You should head back. I'll be back, yeah?" You nod and within a few seconds, you've returned to your spot at the dinner table. He sighs, hand slipping down to palm at his erection. Fuck. Can't go back like this.

Just resist. You're just another woman. You have a husband, He thinks to himself, I'm married to a lovely woman. I am a faithful husband. The silent mantra he practices on himself works about as well as a band-aid on a bullet hole. Resist. God, but you looked so pretty tonight. That cute jewelry set you wore with your little black dress? Hot. The smoothness of your skin?

Resist.

But he can't stop picturing you on your knees in front of him, sucking on his cock. The sounds your perfect, wet mouth would make. How he'd ease himself down your throat. How you'd whine.

Resist.

Or how about when he could be fucking his cock into your tight, wet, and warm cunt? The tip of his dick kissing your cervix? Or what about the positions he could force your body into? Like having his arm around your throat, bicep curling into your mouth to muffle your moans from his wife hearing? Or how one of his hands would be gripping your hips while he needily plowed into your pussy, while you begged him to let up. Resist.

Resist.

Fuck it.

In the few moments after he's excused himself from you, he's already rushing to the upstairs bathroom of the restaurant: thanking the holy beings above for making it a single stall bathroom for his jerking pleasure. He hastily unbuckles his belt with one hand, other hand impulsively opening Twitter as a first resort to find some fashion fanatic post about the slutty lingerie photo-shoot you did for Chanel. Alas, you're still a bit of an undiscovered goddess in the modeling industry at the moment: so Google is his next best option. He pulls out his half-hard but hardening cock from his jeans before he can even find your photo-shoot and gives it a quick few pumps to ease the throbbing that's starting to build up in his loins. Eventually, he finds it. Thank fucking god because the creativity for his fantasies are beginning to run quite dry. And instantly he's grunting and groaning while he strokes his cock and scrolls through the multiple scandalous photos the photographers took of you.

"Fuck." He winces in pleasurable agony as he stares at quite possibly his favorite photo of you. The photo was in black and white: theme being "Overtime" like you mentioned. The white button up shirt was undone, revealing you had nothing on underneath, and allowed for the side of your perfect breasts to be revealed. If he squinted just a little harder, he could see your puffy nipples threatening to peek out of the shirt. He tried squinting a little harder to see your nipples a little easier. And oh my god. You have piercings?! He almost shot his entire load on the spot. God, he needed to fuck you. And hard. He groans as he feel himself get closer to orgasm. Closer, and closer, until--

"Leon?"

Fuck. It was you. God, of course you're so goddamn sweet, checking up on him to make sure he's okay. He didn't dare stop stroking himself off, especially not when he's got jerk-worthy material of you almost catching him. That's also not mentioning the soft intonations of your almost innocent voice right there. He's trying not to cum too quick, wanting to savor those images for as long as he could but he also realized his wife might start asking some questions and she wouldn't be on the other side of the door if she came upstairs. "F-fuck, yeah?" He responded after much too long of hearing your sweet voice. "Did you need something?" "Are you okay? I just got worried when you left. You've been gone for like..." You check your wristwatch: a classic and dainty Timex from the 80s with a blank band that wrapped around your wrist snugly.

"Fifteen minutes. Do you need water? Ibuprofen?" He shakes his head as if you could see him while he continues to jerk himself off, hand swirling in a sort of cranking motion as he tries to work his cock to orgasm. But his pre-cum isn't coming out fast enough, not as fast as the pumping motions his hand was doing right now, so he spits in his hand before bringing his palm back down to his cock and lathering his dick in spit. You believe him enough to think he might be getting ready to vomit.

"Nah, jus'...ngh, drank too much, I think." Please keep talking, He selfishly thinks to himself. "Oh, okay. Well, if you need anything, just text me?" He nodded, grunting out a thank you while he continues to dream of ruthlessly fucking you until you're embedded into his mattress. He wants you. He needs you. He feels himself get a little closer until he finally releases into his fist. His hot and sticky cum ran down his palm while the waves of post-orgasmic bliss and post-nut clarity simultaneously moved together as one. For a few minutes, he's panting like a rabid dog in heat until his breath eventually stills and he's able to walk downstairs and look his wife in the face while giving her the impression that he definitely didn't just masturbate to his best friend's wife. When he sits down at the table, the first person he makes eye contact with is you. You smile at him, mouthing a "you okay?" because, of course, you're still worried about him being sick. He nods with a grin peeled onto his face. Because he came to the sound of your voice. And you didn't have a fucking clue.

credits: snoopy divider by @animatedglittergraphics-n-more heart divider by @saradika-graphics

[ebbaskz]

heaven and back | l.mh + h.js | (a,f)

masterlist

pairing: lee minho x han jisung x reader (y/n)

content: angst, fluff, unrequited feelings, college-aged, mainly just a silly y/n who is going through it rn.

word count: 2.6 k

Thursdays.

If there was one thing you could say about Thursdays, it is that they are the pure feeling of going to hell and back.

Actually, scratch that. You haven't even been able to come back from this hell of a day.

Nothing had helped. Even when buying coffee in the hopes of lifting your spirits, it had been extremely too bitter and ruined the entire drink. The attempt to get a nice walk outside during your lunch break had only left you caught in a rainstorm with no protection from the harsh elements. The walk back to your next classes should have been considered a walk of shame from the stares of your fellow classmates and your pure embarrassment of not checking the weather.

The one bright side of today is that you can now finally go home.

No more dreadful professors giving useless monologues or ignorant students on campus bumping into you when trying to leave class.

Just a nice, calm, soothing night left to enjoy by yourself--

***buzz buzz buzz***

On second thought, you might actually lose your mind before the night is over.

You take out your phone from your back pant pocket as you make your way up the stairs of your dorm building, hoping that whoever texted is either dying or needing immediate assistance (both of which you doubt are true as it could very well just be Felix blowing up your phone for the 6th time this week, asking if you would finally let him teach you how to play League of Legends).

~

ji ji ji ji baby baby : tell me you aren't busy tonight. minho and i ordered too much food to the dorm for the two of us to eat by ourselves... please come over? 🙃

~

Oh, nevermind.

I guess this text isn't as horrible as you thought it would be.

I mean yes, you could very easily just get into bed and sleep off the last torturous 9 hours of your life as you have dreamed of doing all day.

or....

You could definitely take up Jisung's offer of eating some free food while also being able to hang out with the two men who you are absolutely infatuated with.

Yes, it's a bit of strong of a term to use when referring to two men (yuck) but it's just the truth. From the day of college orientation three years ago, when your childhood friend, Hyunjin, introduced a few of his closest friends to you (Minho and Jisung included), you have been a strong group of 9 since.

All of the boys are nice, but Minho and Jisung just happen to be the ones who have kept your attention since the first day of meeting them. From their adorable dynamic to their love for their friends, there is no reason to prevent anyone from falling in love with both of them...

other than the fact that they are already dating eachother.

Logically, it's impractical. You are the third-wheeling, pining over two men who already exclusively pine over eachother. If anything it's so damaging for you to be so close to them while having these feelings, but can anyone really say no to Jisung when he asks so sweetly.

~

y/n : for sure, ji! i can be there in 15 minutes, if thats okay?

~

You scratch your forehead a little while waiting for a response, wondering what you should change into before heading over there. Obviously something comfortable, but also maybe something a little nice so that they could be impressed or-- no.

They are dating. Stop. You are just friends. No romantic opportunities, unless you feel like home-wrecking your two bestfriends (probably not the best option).

~

ji ji ji ji baby baby : yea that works for me and min! just lmk when you are here and i'll come get you from the front of the building.

~

And cue the stomach butterflies.

You know how to get to their dorm from the front of the building, but every time Jisung insists on coming to get you from the front door. It's such a little gesture, but it never fails to get your heart beating and you checks burning.

It takes you a few minutes before you are finally back out of your dorm, taking your time to pick an outfit, fix your hair, and retouch your makeup after the rainstorm that you struggled through earlier.

The walk to their dorm is pretty quick, only 7 minutes on a day with some good pep in your step (aka a day like today where you are practically running to their front door).

~

y/n : I'm here 😗

ji ji ji ji baby baby : omw, y/n! we need to eat before the food cools down too much. minho is getting hangry and I cannot handle him when he is hangry.

~

Jisung is downstairs in less than a minute, making it seem like he's the one who was practically running to see you. Or maybe that's just your mind trying to give in to your delusions...

"Y/N!" Jisung screams a little while picking you up into a hug, "I need us to get back upstairs quickly before Minho decides that he is tired of waiting for us."

You giggle a little at that statement, knowing that Minho would never start to eat without Jisung. He would not be able to handle the pout that would show on Jisung's face if he found out.

Thats when your heart pangs for the first time tonight, already feeling hopelessly doomed to be the third wheel before even seeing Minho.

This was going to be a long night.

~~~~~~~

Dinner is going by smoothly. The lo mein and miso soup that had been ordered by Jisung and Minho was a little odd considering you are the only one of the trio who eats lo mein, but you pushed that thought aside. The food was delicious nonetheless.

The pangs kept happening though.

When Jisung would stare at Minho with such adoration that you felt like a spectator on the sidelines of a romance show, rooting for the main characters to be together while simultaneously wishing that you were them. When Minho would get up from his seat to get something from the kitchen, having to pass by Jisung and giving him a loving pat on the head every time, causing Jisung to smile and spread a blush across his puffy cheeks.

It was getting to the point of pain where you had just needed to step out of dinner into the bathroom just to take a breather, convincing yourself that you can get over this and be able to just be best friends, nothing more.

breathe in, breathe out, in, out, in, ou-

"Y/n? Are you okay?"

It was Minho.

You hadn't really felt like you had been in the bathroom for too long to be concerning but a glance at your phone screen surprises you when you see that you had been standing there for over 15 minutes just trying to ground yourself.

A look up in the mirror is also a sudden surprise, seeing tears running down your face, leaving your makeup disheveled and streaking down your cheeks. When had you started crying? Probably sometime in between thinking about your horrid day to thinking about your pitiful love for two men who don't feel the same.

"Yeah-" sniffles "I'm all good Minho. Just-" sigh "Just give me a second and I'll be out..."

Just stop, y/n. You are not making this day better.

And then the door open a smidge. I guess you forgot to lock it.

Even though the door is barely open, it's still enough for Minho and Jisung to see your reflection in the adjacent mirror with the mascara tears running down your face.

The door is no longer open a smidge, being forcefully shoved open by Jisung as he pushes past Minho to get to you, engulfing you in a hug that only fuels the tears.

"Y/n... What's wrong? Please talk to us. Well, cry it all out first then talk to us". Jisung says while speaking into the side of your head, making you chuckle through the tears at his attempt to humor you in your times of turmoil. You wish you had a Jisung like this all of the time.

"You do have me, Y/n? What do you mean? I'm right here, so is Min."

Yikes. Nothing is going your way tonight. First, they see you sobbing. Next, you say your thoughts outloud.

This instantly humbles you and brings you back to where you are, immediately attempting to apologize for whatever you just muttered out of your mouth, "Ji- I mean- I know I have you, but like- I just- I wish I also had someone like you, you know. Like you and Minho". This was clearly such poor phrasing as you watch Jisung pull away to fully face you and give a little look of shock with confusion written across his features.

"What do you mean- Like me and Jisung? You want a boyfriend, y/n? Is that what this is about?" Minho announces this from behind Jisung, making you unable to see the slight look of hurt that flashes on his face.

You look up from where you had been looking at your feet, trading your eyes between looking at both Minho and Jisung. Your brain is being wrestled right now while trying to find the words to explain how you don't want just any boyfriend but the two boyfriends who were standing in front of you.

"Not that, exactly..." You finally manage to mutter out after bullying your mind to produce any answer to stop the two from looking at you with such concern and hurt for you. "I just can't explain my problems to you two..." You look away from the two boys, not being able to watch them as you try not to break down further.

"Y/n if this is something serious, you can talk to us..." MInho pipes up, Jisung grabbing your hand for reassurance, causing you to turn your head back toward them.

Your logical side seems to be taking over for the first time, in a long time, telling you to do what you know needs to be done for your own sake.

"I think I should take a break from seeing you guys..." You finally said it. The words you knew needed to come out eventually to allow yourself time to heal and get over this silly infatuation.

But, the look that you then saw on their faces might have just killed you right then and there. You don't think you have ever seen them both be so in sync with their expressions, synchronizing their faces of hurt and sadness in a way you didn't know you could hurt so much from.

"You.. What? Why?" Jisung asks, his voice cracking a little and letting go of your hand to step back towards Minho, allowing Minho to leave a comforting hand on Jisung's shoulder.

If you wanted to run away ever in your life or sink into a black hole, it would be now. The embarrassment of this whole situation and your reasoning behind why you need to do this just simply cannot be explained to them without ruining everything.

"Did we do something?" Minho asks with no faults in his voice, but a single look you take towards him shows that he really is trying to maintain his composure.

If there's anytime to say anything. It'd be now. Your relationship is already changed. There's no going back.

"It's not you guys. It's me," You say while looking at both of them, powering through what you are about to say even with seeing their heartbroken faces, "I just cannot do this anymore. Being around you two all of the time is so painful because you guys are just so happy and in love, and I would do anything to be like you. Not with other people..." Here it goes. "but with both of you. I cannot handle being around you guys while I am helplessly in love with you both. Just give me some time, and I know I can get over this..."

Well. There it is.

You finally said what has been torturing you for years, laying it all out on a platter for Minho and Jisung to observe and pick apart.

But thats not the reaction you get from them when you check back in to register their facial expressions. It's bizarre. Minho looks almost relieved while Jisung looks.... happy? Where you missing something? Was this what they wanted to happen?

Before your thoughts can go any further, you are tossed into a hug between both Jisung and Minho, rocking you back and forth and holding you so tightly.

"Are you serious, Y/n? You actually had me so horrified I thought we were going to lose you" Jisung mutters into your shoulder.

You are still so incredibly confused as you manage to let out a quiet, "...What?..."

You are finally released from the grasp of the two hugging you to be faced toward Jisung, "Me too. I mean- like I am in love with you, too. So is Minho."

This information actually shatters any ability to function that you had left, only being able to repeat the word "Huh?!" while looking at Minho to confirm what Jisung said, to which Minho nods.

"We always have, Y/n. We just didn't really know what to do about this because you never told us anything or made it seem like this was mutual. I thought we would always be stuck as bestfriends." MInho says this so gently to you while reaching up one of his hands to cup the side of your face and caress your cheek so lightly with his thumb. I think this is the first time you have ever recognized Minho looking at you this way. It's the same way you notice him and Jisung look at each other everyday.

"You guys love me?..." You manage to get out while bringing up a hand to hold Minho's hand that is resting on your cheek. This is a surreal moment for you. What you have been fearing as the break in your relationship as a trio may actually be what causes your relationship to grow further, into....???

A nod comes from MInho, "Can I kiss you?" he asks ever so sweetly.

A simple nod is given in return, a silent conversation that you and him exchange in before he initiates the kiss.

It feels like a dream. Finally being able to feel his lips on your own after years of pining. By holding onto the back of his head, you keep him close to make sure that this is real, and he isn't leaving.

That then makes you think about Jisung, who's simply standing to the side, mouth agape and blushing across his entire face at the two people he loves kissing eachother. To Jisung, this is like a dream come true, but he does want some attention from you (casual Jisung behavior).

He tightly grabs ahold of your side, turning you away from Minho and guiding you towards his own lips. The moment you and him meet is as electric as it was with Minho.

The pangs in your heart are no longer from the pain of unrequited love, but now a pleasurable pain of an overwhelming love from those two boys who have captured your heart.

Maybe this day has finally had its come back from being a burning hell, reaching the sweet and blissful heavens that we all dream of.

a/n : ahh my first fic on here. I hope to only improve from here and I apologize for rushing the ending haha. lmk if anyone has any requests or ideas, i'm open to writing anything - eb

[catacombbee]

theory time. spoilers for sbg new episode 74

does anyone actually fucking trust Maverick rn? im so fr i don't trust him one BIT.

Alex i trust. Alex seems like he has good intentions (especially with him telling Aiden he wasnt supposed to tell them) but how much could he really help? it doesn't feel like he's very high up the totem pole yk. maybe we'll have like a- Alex sticking his neck out to help/save the kids somehow and dies for it, perhaps on accident

but anyway I DONT FUCKING TRUST MAVERICK AND YOURE DUMB IF YOU DO im kidding. im kidding you're not dumb. im kidding you're amazing and go drink your water rn pls

i have SO MANY THOUGHTS ON

1. the fact he's trying to get the kids to trust him

2. the fact that he went to BEN first of all people

starting with no. 1, i think he wants something. he so CLEARLY wants something. i don't TRUST THIS MAN he may be HOT but he is UP TO SMTH!!! what i don't know is what he wants from the kids. getting them on his side and trusting him feels like a way of getting more information out of them, and what could he possibly be digging for if not more information on the phantom realm?

Alex was asking Ashlyn about the fact that they all asked for ASL books at the same time and thus must have some way of communicating. i think they must know it has to do with the phantom realm (though they don't know that it's an entire separate dimension i think) and Maverick wants to know more about how they're communicating. with the promise that he will protect them from the rest of the government, which i think might just entail "keeping you for ourselves"

and how does he get the kids to trust them? making himself seem like a good option, and separating himself from "those who put them here." the government. the bad part of the government. and how does he do that?

well that's where we come to no. 2

they have cameras. they can watch the kids and how they're acting. in fact, they've been watching the kids for a while now. if i were to pick anyone to try and talk to to get on my side having observed them from a distance, maybe id pick Taylor or Logan. the others are stubborn or unpredictable in their own ways.

So why Ben?

Maverick is trying to draw several comparisons in Ben's mind, especially with using language like the above and like this:

What Maverick is trying to connect in Ben's mind is this:

The authority = The government that locked them up here

The government =/ Maverick and his people

He's trying to get into Ben's mind and say "Hey. We want the same thing you want: to get rid of this place." The way he calls them a bunch of pigs ALMOST makes me hesitate on thinking he's being insincere, but on the other hand would that phrasing not resonate with a jaded teenage boy who's been in trouble before?

Maverick went to Ben because he saw a way in through Ben. Even though Ben is violent and stubborn (right now. and towards the staff), he recognizes that he can use Ben's past as a way of leveraging himself to a higher status in Ben's mind. Besides, if he can get one of the more stubborn kids to crack first, he's got a much easier way in with the others.

Furthermore, this will lead to more observation. He must know the kids are communicating somehow, he just doesn't know how exactly yet. This part isn't Ben specific, but by talking to one of them, he then gives himself the opportunity to watch the rest more closely for any mention of things he's said to Ben. Evidence that they have some way of talking. A way of figuring out how they're doing so.

Maverick is using Ben's past to manipulate him into trusting him.

and im pissed off abt that

BUT THATS JUST A THEORY. A GA-

anyway though i just wanted to rant about this episode and how it made me feel cus im upset and i want to hug Ben. if you don't like my theory and/or have a different one please please reblog and yap about it (nicely) i LOVELOVELOVE hearing different opinions on headcanons and theories and such. OR BUILD ON MY THEORY! i like yapping pls yap to me okay bye

also ty @arcaneafterhours for giving me screenshots cus i can't screenshot. ilu

[brotherwtf]

Thanks @middlingmay for tagging me! I'm shaking in my boots I have never done anything like this before.

Rules: Share snippets of your work containing each of the words the previous poster selected for you (optional addition: if you can't find the word in your WIPs, or you simply don't have any WIPs, you can just write a sentence around the word)

My Words: god, mine, night, doll

Your Words: desire, yours, caress, yearn

God

From a postwar fic I'm working on rn (it's coming soon, don't worry)

Instead, the hands once holding John’s wrists wrap around his head and bury themselves into John’s wet curls. John pokes his tongue at the crease of Gale’s lips, and he allows his tongue to explore the space. A tiny breath escapes from his mouth and it brings John back to the present. He pulls away and looks into Gale’s eyes.  “God fucking damn you, Gale,” John whispers before leaning forward and kissing him again.

Mine

From a super secret fic that I'm gonna start soon (hint hint, y'all like summer love in the south?)

It's quiet as John takes Gale in after all of these years. He looks so different, and yet so much the same as he had looked in the summer of 1940 when this had all started. The soft edges from being a teenager hardened, but he still had those brilliant blue eyes and soft blonde curls. He held himself straighter since the war, as did John, but he had muscled out nicely since his youth. John sighs. "Can't believe you were ever mine, Buck. You could have had your pick of the litter, dames and all, but you picked me," John says softly. Gale drinks his Coke, looking at John with soft eyes. "A part of me still is yours, Bucky,"

Night

So I actually don't have a WIP or anything with night in it (how is that possible) so here's a cute little thing I came up with

Gale couldn't keep his eyes off of John that whole night. He felt silly, like a school girl who had a crush on her best friend, but he still couldn't manage to tear his eyes away from him. He looked so free like this, dancing and singing in his dress uniform, seemingly unburdened by the losses they had suffered. Gale wishes he could feel the same way, uncaring and free, but he'll allow John to feel all of those emotions for him right now.

Doll

From my Modern Drag AU

"What's your name, doll?" John asks, purposely grazing his hand against the queen's. They flush, uncharacteristically, and throw the robe over their shoulders. "Gale," They say simply. John chuckles, helping Gale down from the podium. "Well, Gale, that isn't quite the name for someone as beautiful as you, is it?" He says. Gale glares at him playfully and still hasn't let go of John's hand. "Well why don't we go back to my dressing room and talk about names there, huh?" Gale says, the familiar flirtatious tone back in his voice.

Idk who's been tagged yet or not, so I'm just gonna tag some writers whose stuff I'm kind of obsessed with; @swifty-fox, @stereobone, @clevenhq

[captainofthedauntless]

Leadership Skills

Bayverse Leonardo x Reader imagine

Info + Warnings: Leo handles stress poorly. And emotional vulnerability. And apologies- basically, he's doing his best, and he's lucky Reader is so patient. No gendered language, pronouns, or Y.N used for Reader, but they are described as shorter than Leo. Friends-to-lovers type beat, with some bullshit as the catalyst. Set a few years after OOTS.

Commentary: Leo's kinda shitty with his emotions. This is mostly me trying to figure out how the fuck to write him. Written with Into You by Ariana Grande on in the background.

Your phone buzzed, and you knew who it was before you even looked.

You weren't sure if you were glad to be right, to see "Fearless" pop up in your notifications.

Can I call?

A small part of you wanted to say no. An even smaller part, angry and defensive and petty, wanted to tell him to fuck off.

Give me five minutes. Busy rn.

All but instantly, he sent back a thumbs up emoji. You leaned back in your chair, pushing your food towards the center of your small kitchen table and away from you, suddenly no longer hungry.

Five minutes didn't feel like enough time to gather yourself, but you also didn't see any point in putting it off. Under all of your leftover anger and hurt, you could remember the look on his face when you'd left the lair the night before- he probably wasn't any better off than you were.

He cared about you. You knew that. And he'd upset you and you knew he knew that- it wasn't like you'd been subtle- and knowing him, he was probably kicking himself harder than he really deserved.

Donnie had mentioned this exact behavior to you a while back; this tendency of Leonardo's to become overly critical under stress, to lash out and snap at people and say things he didn't really mean. It had been at Raph, then, pushing his buttons into a fight that let both of them blow off steam and get back to some semblance of normal.

With you, it was different.

It had been hours of frustration for everyone, poring over data from a string of robberies to try and find any sort of connection while Donnie ran some sort of cross-referencing software to double check your findings. Leo had been snippy with all of you; clipped answers, cold tones, and an abandonment of the basic manners that were his constant.

You'd slipped away to the kitchen on a drink run for the group, and he'd joined you a few moments later, visibly exhausted and tense.

"You holding up alright?"

He'd laughed, a bitter, empty thing, reaching past you for a container of leftovers. "Just peachy."

"I've got to stand here anyway," You had said quietly, nodding at the brewing coffee pot. "Captive audience, if you want it."

He'd looked at you, jaw working as he weighed his options for a beat, two, before he'd sighed and absolutely deflated. "I know I'm missing something."

"In the case?"

Leo had nodded. "I know there's a connection. It's- it's like it's staring me in the face, and I just can't see it."

You'd hummed quietly. "Yeah. It's a good thing we have so many eyes on this, because it's definitely a puzzle."

"Yeah," He'd grumbled, "Lot of good that's doing us."

"Hey," You'd chided. "They're doing their best, Leo."

"Well, maybe their best isn't good enough."

You'd shifted, pushing off the counter you'd been leaning on and crossing your arms. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"We should be done with this already. I shouldn't be chasing everyone around to get answers."

"You just said you weren't finding any, either."

"Whatever. I shouldn't have said anything."

"You didn't need to. You've made your disapproval crystal clear."

"And yet, nothing's changed."

"So, what, you want Don to magically find the solution you can't manage to come up with?" You asked incredulously, waving at the door. "I know you're angry, Leo, but taking it out on us-"

"I don't need you to tell me how to lead my team," He'd said sharply, the tension back in his shoulders. "I'm doing fine alone."

"I'm not trying to tell you how to lead," You'd shot back. "I'm only trying to get you to-"

"If you don't like how I'm handling this, maybe you should just leave."

You had blinked at him, an offended "Excuse me?" leaving you.

He hadn't even had the decency to falter. "You heard me."

So you had. You'd marched right out of the kitchen, right past his grimacing face, stopping briefly to grab your bag from by Don's computers.

"Woah, you alright?" He'd asked, watching you angrily collect your things.

"Just peachy," You'd hissed, pausing briefly to collect yourself- and put the venom back where it belonged, away from the innocent turtle in front of you, because you were not about to be a hypocrite- before continuing in a much softer tone. "I'm heading out. Let me know if you find anything, yeah?"

"Ye- yeah, yeah. Of course. Uh, thanks for your help."

You'd nodded curtly. "I'll let you know when I get home. Coffee's almost done."

His eyes had widened slightly, darting quickly to the kitchen and then back to you. You had been able to see the question on his face- your "home safe" texts went to Leo, they always did, so letting Donnie know was an odd move- but to your immense relief, he didn't verbalize it. "Alright," He'd said instead, "Travel safe."

Your phone rang almost exactly five minutes after the thumbs up, like he'd been watching the clock.

It almost made you laugh.

Instead, you took a deep breath and answered, voice flat. "Hey."

"Hey," Leo said, voice heavy and tired even through the distortion of the phone. "How are you?"

"Depends on why you're calling," You answered dryly, finger tracing the edge of your table.

He sighed quietly, and you could picture the eye rub that followed as clearly as if he was in front of you. "To, uh, to apologize."

"For?"

"The way I spoke to you in the kitchen. And the- the way I spoke to all of you last night, but- but especially you. You were trying to help and I treated you like shit."

"True."

"And you were right."

"Also true."

"And... I probably should have planned this better, I just- I'm sorry."

You hummed in acknowledgement, not ready to accept his apology, but also not wanting to make him feel worse.

He was quiet for a moment. "Don probably told you, already, but we found something. The suspect for the robbery on 18th has an uncle that runs with the Purple Dragons."

"He did. Think it's important?"

"I think it's the best lead we have. And I think you were right about the chemicals being the key to this whole thing. He- Donnie- says they could be pretty dangerous if they get combined with a few other key ingredients. We're gonna stake out a few Dragons locations, see if there's any movement."

"Tonight?" You asked.

"That's the plan."

You hummed thoughtfully, weighing his apology. Weighing how much you'd actually missed him in less than a day (which, you realized begrudgingly, was a lot).

Yeah, he was an asshole, but he was trying. An olive branch in return would be okay, right?

"Text me when you get home?" You asked quietly.

Leo let out a small huff of laughter, one you knew to be a sign of relief, and it was enough to replace your stubborn frown with the start of a smile. "Yeah. I can do that."

You sat quietly, listening to the sound of something moving on the other end of the call. You wondered what it was; it sounded like paper, or plastic of some kind.

Your unspoken question was answered a few moments later by the sound of a whistling kettle, signaling tea time.

"I'll let you go deal with that," You said.

"Yeah," He mumbled, almost sounding reluctant. "I probably should."

"We'll talk later, yeah?"

"Yeah," He said quickly, as though worried you'd rescind the offer if he waited. "Sounds good."

"Play it safe tonight."

"I- we will."

"See you, Leo."

"See you."

You hadn't expected to literally see him, but a few hours later, you got another text asking if he could stop by on the way home from their stakeout.

You said yes.

He knocked on your window not even five minutes later, a soft, measured rhythm you knew like your own heartbeat. You opened the window, pushing the curtains aside to let his broad figure slip through with a tired, tentative smile, and drew them shut again behind him.

"Hey," He said quietly, something raspy in his voice. "I'm sorry to drop by so late, I just..."

You leaned against the windowframe, watching him falter and trail off and meet your eyes for the first time since he arrived. "Probably should've planned this better?" You teased gently, repeating his comment from the phonecall.

Leo huffed a laugh, hanging his head and rubbing the back of his neck roughly. "Definitely should've."

You took pity on him, leading the conversation back to something solid and matter-of-fact instead of whatever he was flustered about. "The job go okay?"

"Yeah," He said, immediately loosening. "Yeah, Raph and Mikey spotted a truck at their location. Got the plate, saw it heading out of the city- Don's gonna do some digging, see if it's connected to anyone with any history with biology or chemistry. He thinks the Dragons are creating some kind of weapon."

"Sounds like some deep shit," You said bluntly, making him chuckle.

"Agreed."

"Good thing New York's got you guys to look out for us."

You'd said it lightheartedly, almost affectionately, but it made him grimace.

"What?"

"I just-" He cut himself off, pausing to take a quick breath before turning to look you in the eyes, shoulders squared and head held high. Textbook "hiding behind leadership" Leo behavior, not that you'd call him on it. (Even if you kind of- really- wanted to.) "You're an important part of this team. We need you, and I never should have dismissed your concerns. Or you."

Interesting. "Important part of the team, huh?"

"And, uh, of other things."

You'd known him for years. You knew when he was being evasive. You knew when he was holding something back.

Usually, you'd wait. He'd come to you when he was ready.

Today, your patience was a little thin.

"Other things?" You questioned, holding his gaze.

He said your name, carefully neutral, but his eyes gave him away- as always.

Fearless was nervous.

"No, no, you said it," You responded firmly, lips just barely tilting up into a smile. "I want to know what you meant."

Leo shook his head, looking away from you and being the very picture of exasperation.

"Don made it clear that you're a critical part of our group dynamic-"

As much as the mental image of Donatello giving him hell on your behalf was hilarious, there was something else going on, too. You really needed him to get to the point before that dangerous spark of hope in your chest caught fire.

"Leonardo."

"You're important to me!" He blurted, whirling back to face you before quickly softening his tone. "You're important to me."

"And that was that painful to admit?"

"No. Yes. I-" He groaned, running a hand down his face, and you bit back a laugh. "I-" He sighed, bright blue eyes finding the floor, before finally, quietly, "I don't mean as a friend."

You could feel your heart bouncing off your ribs, going about mach 3. "Like an advisor, then," You quip breathlessly.

He snorts. "Yeah. Like an advisor."

"Anything, uh, else?"

He studies you, not moving. "That... depends."

"On?"

"Like I said, you're important," He says carefully. "I don't want to ruin that. Especially not after... last night."

"I think you're going to need to work pretty hard to ruin this."

"I hear I've got-" He did little air quotes- "'A talent for being a fucking asshole,' so it might not take as much work as you think."

You couldn't help it- you snorted. "Was that a Donatello verbatim?"

"No comment."

"Well," You said with a smile, "Why don't we see what happens, huh?"

"Because-"

"Leonardo," You interrupt. "If you don't tell me, I might start to draw conclusions of my own."

"Blackmail. Classy."

"Evasion," You counter quickly with a snarky nod of your head, "Real brave."

He sighs, squinting at the ceiling for a beat. "This really isn't how I pictured doing this."

"Such is life."

Leo smiles, a weak little thing, before he brings his eyes back to yours and takes a deep breath. He says your name, soft enough to send your heart into acrobatics. "I have feelings for you. Deep, deep feelings, that seem to get deeper every time I talk to you, and I'm starting to feel like I'm going to drown in them, and I can't even bring myself to be upset about it."

Well, shit.

How the fuck do I respond to that? You wonder, staring at his sky blue eyes.

Increasingly nervous sky blue eyes.

Fuck it.

"Same," You breath simply. You nod once, twice, wetting your lips. "Yeah. I'm- the only thing you ruined was my chance of being coherent."

Leo's face slowly split into a grin, and a small chuckle escaped him. "I can live with that."

"You're going to have to. Damn," You mutter, smiling broadly. "Yeah, same. I- I have feelings for you, too. Deep as hell."

"Would you let me take you out on a date?"

You cocked a brow playfully, grin never faltering. "Are you telling me you already have a plan, mister?"

"I will very soon. This... was not how I expected my evening to go," He admitted sheepishly, taking a slow step towards you. "But I'll figure it out."

"I never doubted you," You said fondly, matching his step and meeting him in the middle. "Yes, Leo, I'd love to go out with you."

He smiled again- beamed, really, the kind of smile that dazzles you and threatens to melt you right down to the floor- and the little space between you was enough to make your head spin.

As though he read your mind and took it as a challenge, Leo leaned down slightly, eyes darting to your mouth before returning to your eyes.

"You sure you didn't plan all this out?" You muttered, tilting your head up in invitation.

"No plan," He said softly, bringing one hand to rest tentatively on your hip. "Sorry."

You hummed, reaching up to play with one tail of his mask. "The great Leonardo, master of both plans and improv. Impressive."

"Y'know, some people say the key to good improv is a good partner."

You giggled, you honest to god giggled, and you found you couldn't even bring yourself to be upset about it.

Funny how that happened.

He cleared his throat gently, gaze holding your own, nerves visible again. It was adorable, really. "I... just to be clear, may I kiss you?"

"At this point, I'll be a little offended it you don't."

Leo chuckled again, and he was close enough that you could feel it through his chest and the air against your skin, and despite all of your quips and want you found yourself frozen, waiting.

Luckily, he didn't leave you waiting long.

His lips met yours.

Your eyes slid shut and your grip on his mask tightened and you melted, gently pressing yourself into his space as his second hand found your hip.

It was sweet, and soft, and tentative. It was a little clumsy. His neck was so tense that you worried briefly that he might strain something.

And it was perfect.

When he pulled back a few moments later, it wasn't far. Only enough to meet your eyes, smile shyly, and bring a hand up to brush against your cheek.

"I have a plan," He said quietly, warm voice barely enough to bring your mind out of the warm-fuzzy cloud he'd put it in.

"Yeah?"

"After all of this Dragons stuff is out of the way, I'd like to do a movie night. I'll bring snacks, and we watch the one you mentioned the other day about the murder. Just us."

You pressed your lips back to his for a moment. "I'd like that."

Before he could respond, his radio buzzed, making both of you jump.

The disgust on his face was enough to make you laugh.

"Yeah?" He sighed, answering.

"I've got a hit on the truck," Donatello's distorted voice said. "If we hurry, we can make it to the warehouse I suspect it went to and be back by sunrise."

Leonardo hesitated, gaze flickering from the radio to you and back.

You stepped in. "The sooner this is over, the sooner you can get back to me safely and we can have movie night."

It earned you a conflicted look- somewhere between gratitude and remorse. You decided to focus on the former.

"Alright, Don, I'll be right down. Get the others ready to roll."

"Will do."

Leo sighed, hand falling from the radio. "I'll text you when I get home."

"Please." You stepped back reluctantly. "Be safe, yeah?"

"We'll play it smart," He assured you. "Get some rest."

"Sure," You said noncommittally. He raised a brow, but said nothing as he slid your window open. "And Leo?"

"Yes?"

"Thank Don for me."

He laughed, and disappeared into the night.

A week later, you were leaning into his shoulder on your couch. Unbeknownst to you, his attention was wholly on the feeling of your cheek on his skin instead of the movie.

He hoped he'd have other chances to focus on the plot. More chances to offer useful commentary on suspects and motives.

For now, he couldn't bring himself to be upset when he had no clue who the killer was.

"What a movie, right?" You asked happily as the credits rolled.

"I loved every second."

[lost-external660]

Playing Course of Temptation for funsies, super fun so far! Here's my list of pros and cons so far (not tht deep into the game yet btw)

PROS:

·Similar concept/idea for DOL but it's college!

·OMG TRANS/NONBINARY OPTIONS FOR PC AND NPCS!!!!!! I finally got to make Luca trans😭😭

-> People actually acknowledge that you're trans! From what I've seen, the PC corrects when someone calls their privates something they don't prefer (ex. calling it the "front hole" instead)

·Main character creation is SUPER interactive! What u choose for their highschool experience affects their stats!! Super cool

·College life is more focused on, and earning money. DOL is fun for how many options there are to do other shit, but the stability is nice lol

·All kinky shit is similar to DOL, interactions and sexual encounters are easy to navigate

·Theres a goddamn opportunity to do cam shows. U need exhibition 4/6 or whatever for it but I NEED IT

·I love that we can customize our best friend! I named mine Robin Hayes... because it felt right to transfer him from DOL-> COT lmaoooo

·The interactions between characters are fun! I esp love tht when u go eat, u can choose what table u sit at and talk to the people there! And ur interests matter, esp if u wanna befriend them

·NPCs are very interactive and memorable! If u interact w/ them enough, u can learn their name and even upgrade them to friend/rival/enemy!!

·U can develop crushes unprompted/others can have crushes on u! It's not so important, but it's cuteeeee😊

·PARTYS ON FRIDAYS!!!! Most fun shit ever, u can eat as much u want, drink as much (u don't have to drink alcohol unless someone offers and ur willpower isn't high enough)

And now for the 🥊CONS🥊:

·I said NPCs are more memorable, but now I'm more attached to them than the Special Characters😭😭😭

·Sadly, the Bailey grind is back. But so far it's just been $100, and it's just ur mom asking for it as compensation for living on the dorms and going to college¯\_(ツ)_/¯ so that's fair (and if ur grades are high enough, u only pay $80!)

•You have more stats to take care of!! Rest, relaxation, hygiene, food, bladder, release (aka horniness)

·I love money too much and I'm a hoarder, so I've been grinding on my job @ the burger place in town😭

Aaaand that's it. Yeah idk much rn since I've just started, but it's promising so far! And just to catch more attention, here are a few screenshots I took!!💗💗Enjoy💗💗

[princehendir]

How did the post breakdown situation of Adrian living with Fenris (iirc) start? who’s. Idea was that. deeply traumatized roomies I’m dying to know more (if you’re comfy w it) -mabari-enthusiast

So the first thing you need to know is that Adrian moving out of the Estate was a very sudden thing and not really like, planned. He stormed out of the house while him & Leandra were arguing (again) (it was bad this time) (Adrian felt like he Had To Get Out Of Here Immediately or else he was going to snap for real) and then realized he was not emotionally capable of going back so he just... didn't.

And on the night he stormed out he happened to bump into Fenris, who was on his way back home from a job. They made some extremely awkward "hi, how are you" conversation (Adrian was visibly distressed and hiding it very poorly) (also they weren't really friends at this point they just sort of knew each other. And Fenris hadn't seen him since before he left for the Deep Roads & still had siblings so it's. Y'know.), which becomes "where are you off to this time of night?" -> Adrian realizes he hasn't thought about it -> "are you okay?" -> I've been better -> "it's not really my business, Hawke, but I think it's a really bad idea for you to be walking around aimlessly, clearly upset, unarmed, in the middle of the night" -> yeah I agree -> "maybe you should go home?" -> Can't -> "okay well that's none of my business. Do you want to come in for a little bit so you can collect yourself?" -> yeah but it won't be for very long I promise. I don't want to put you out. 20 minutes, tops.

Adrian immediately fell asleep on his couch and slept for 10 hours straight. And then after he finally woke up he tried to apologize by cleaning up a little before getting really worried that Fenris would take him doing that as an (*cough* admittedly deserved) criticism of his living space and then freaked himself out and left. It was a deeply mortifying experience for him, but for Fenris it was just kind of a weird thing that happened.

Adrian spent the next couple of weeks like, couch surfing basically. Mostly alternating between crashing at Varric's place and the clinic, but also a couple of night's at Elegant's and a few individual nights on Fenris' couch again, on purpose and prearranged this time because now that Adrian's spending all this time at the Hanged Man they bump into each other a lot more often and Adrian keeps paying for his drinks because he's still embarrassed and wants to apologize. Fenris does think this is weird but he also isn't going to stop him.

Anyways. They kind of hang out now.

Eventually Adrian is like "okay, I can't keep living like this." And he is tentatively working things out with Leandra at this point but also knows that things will just start to deteriorate again if he goes back to living with her rn, so moving back to the Estate is not an option. He feels weird taking advantage of Varric's hospitality any more than he already has (and Varric would never let him pay rent so he would feel bad about it the whole time), Anders isn't an option because again, he would feel bad & weird about it, also they would kill each other. Elegant would absolutely let him rent one of her spare rooms but she lives in kind of an odd out-of-the-way part of Hightown so ye olde commute would suck + there's some other personal baggage in there, so it's not really ideal but he also doesn't know very many people and the other rental opportunities in Hightown are generally kind of, sketch, so it might be his only option.

"Yeah Red, that's rough. Too bad we don't know anyone who lives in a huge mansion all alone, conveniently close to your mother, who you already get along with, and could definitely benefit from a consistent couple of silvers every month but won't take charity. That would just solve all your problems at once." <- quote from Varric Tethras

He has to say that like three times before Adrian completely independently comes up with the idea to ask Fenris if he can rent one of his rooms. An arrangement that Fenris was already primed to be receptive to because Isabela said to him something along the lines of "yeah honestly what would probably improve your situation the most would be a consistent passive income of some sort. It's too bad we don't know any functionally homeless new money guys who come with the added bonus of being someone who cleans when they are upset and is in the middle of a breakdown of some sort so is therefore cleaning all of the time (you live in a hovel btw)"

"The living room is looking nice lately" <- quote from Fenris

(I can neither confirm nor deny whether Varric & Isabela were in cahoots on this. They may or may not have coordinated offscreen. Impossible to say)

So that's how that happened, basically.

[greentrickster]

Loving the Hopeful Hybrid’s Househusbanding System, and wondering if you have any further thoughts regarding LBH wingmanning for MBJ, or the matchmaking shenanigans LBH and LQQ get up to (or if I’m remembering correctly MBJ gets involved at some point bc why not?)

Thank-you so much! ^U^ And, for starters? After Liu Mingyan's latest work comes out after Binghe's return (suddenly involving characters with some very interesting and elaborate tattoos), Binghe uses his 900 IQ to put two and two together and figures out who wrote it. Then super calmly doesn't tell anyone he knows. Then even more super calmly starts feeding Liu Mingyan a few stories about spicy forbidden romance that he encountered while in modern Japan and, once he's established his cover as a fellow connoisseurr of the finer things in life (aka spicy p*rn with lots of romance thrown in for flavouring), he mentioning that, hey, wouldn't a human-demon love affair be romantic? With lots of tension and potential for betrayal, but really neither of them want to betray their homes, they just want to be together, only the world won't let them? Think of the drama - think of all the opportunities to get excitingly spicy!

And boy howdy does Liu Mingyan think of them. Three volumes of a new series worth in the space of six months worth of thinking of them.

So anyway, that's Liu Mingyan and all her devoted readers set up to play spin doctor/damage control/shut up-it's-so-romantic arguments for when the Mobei-jun/Shang Qinghua romance eventually comes out in the open, because Shizun likes Shang shishu, so keeping him in the sect is important.

(For all his intelligence, Binghe does not at any point realize that Shen Yuan is an avid reader of Liu Mingyan's work (especially since it doesn't currently involve him), and has a strong hunch who it's about and is just waiting for the right opportunity to give Airplane so much cheerful grief over it. Mostly because he knows nothing spicy has happened with him and Mobei-jun yet and it will absolutely kill that shitty author to know that his fictional double is getting it when he isn't.)

Beyond that, Binghe’s primarily giving Mobei-jun some quick remedial courses on human romance and dating culture, while also slipping Shang Qinghua a few tidbits on demon courtship habits, especially for the Northern realm. Thanks to his exposure to modern media, he’s gained that most dangerous and OP of powers - levels of genre-savvy! He can spot a miscommunication plot when he sees one now! So he’s working to clear up the miscommunication, and he’s using the simplest methods possible to make it harder for them to go awry by mistake.

His modern experiences with the dating scene does get a little jumbled with his memories of his home dimension’s practices, though, meaning Binghe absolutely sets his most loyal bro and his shishu on a tea date (since coffee isn’t an option). It doesn’t go very well since Mobei-jun isn’t really into tea and Shang Qinghua is still confused out of his mind at the mixed signals he’s getting at the moment. (Though, ironically, he absolutely uses it as coffee-date fantasy fodder after the fact, because an author-god can dream, you know?)

This having not worked, Binghe switches tactics and finagles Sha Hualing into creating the xianxia version of an insulated travel mug (“Okay, but why should I waste time making something that won’t help me destroy my enemies?” “...it’ll keep your hot drinks warm longer so the blood doesn’t congeal if you forget about them while you’re in your workshop and you don’t have to waste time yelling for someone to bring you more when you want it now?” “Oh dang, sold!”) Binghe then ensures that Mobei-jun gets ahold of one and tells him to give it to Shang Qinghua, since the guy drinks so much tea while trying to get all his work done, and to tell him that, since he won’t tell Mobei-jun what sorts of things he wants, Mobei-jun’s just going to have to start guessing (with an addendum to start paying attention to what sorts of things Shang shishu likes so that he can do a good job of it - paying attention to what sort of things your beloved likes and doesn’t like is important in a good relationship).

Mobei-jun is skeptical, but follows Binghe’s plan to the best of his ability, and it bears shockingly good fruit. Shang Qinghua is stunned, not his usual loud, flustered stunned, just... this is such a nice, useful gift, and it’s something he’ll be able to use with minimal explanation for how he got it, just say it’s something he found on a trading expedition, and dollars to donuts he’s missed having a nice, big travel mug with a secure lid and- oh, oh it has a little flap you can flip up to drink from it without taking the lid off. And it’s in An Ding blue. He’s a peak lord, he’s used to certain people trying to pander to him or buy him off, but this is a really thoughtful gift, and he’s not used to those in any of his lives. He’s absolutely touched. He’s making an expression Mobei-jun’s never seen before and it’s making his heart stutter.

And- oh, oh, I bet gifting is one of Mobei-jun’s big love languages, he’s just never learned how to do it properly, and it’s also part of why it’s so frustrating that Shang Qinghua never freaking asks for anything. Binghe teaching him how to spot what would be a good gift without having to be directly told is going to be invaluable to him! So by the time Tianlang-jun arrives at the Sect, Mobei-jun and Shang Qinghua are actually doing pretty well for themselves, it’s been... let’s say a year since Binghe got back?, everyone knows, no one can do much about it because half the sect shipped it even before they knew it was a real ship, Shang Qinghua’s gotten some slap-on-the-wrist punishments because 1) he does 64% of all paperwork in Cang Qiong and it would collapse without him and 2) he’s besties with Shen Qingqiu and Yue Qingyuan is still simping hard. And Binghe’s only had to use his extra-special ‘oh no, I’m such a clumsy shidi’ technique to ‘trip’ and ‘try to catch himself’ by grabbing onto Shang Shishu only to ‘accidentally’ just grab his clothes and absolutely shred the top half of them by mistake in Mobei-jun’s presence twice.

Binghe, with big, dewy eyes full of (false) unshed tears: “This Luo Binghe is so sorry, Shishu, he’s still learning to master his demonic heritage and suddenly having claws is so confusing-!”

Shang Qinghua: Ah-haha, it’s okay, shidi, we all make mistakes! (internally swearing because how much do you think these robes cost, and do you really think this author can’t see through your crocodile tears, why are you humiliating me in front of my king like this-?!?)

Mobei-jun: (can see one (1) entire nipple on Shang Qinghua’s chest and would like to get to know it better, maybe if he’s good he’ll get to see the other one too...? Also why is this so exciting, he’s a demon, from the demon realm, he sees people wandering around half-naked/all naked all the time, so why is it different now-?!?)

Mobei-jun is learning how tantalizing things can be when you don’t get to see them all the time, and he’s very confused and also rather aroused. And he’s going to take this knowledge and accidentally melt Shang Qinghua’s brain by showing up one day wearing his robes at a level of chest coverage that humans deem appropriate, then shuck an outer layer partway through the visit and loosen the ones underneath to show usual levels of chest again. Congrats, Mobei, you’ve accidentally gained two levels in seduction and have ensured that incident is all Airplane’s going to be able to think of for a week.

(Note: this probably wouldn’t have worked on anyone else, because Mobei-jun’s starting out with a -1 in seduction, he just has the home field advantage with Shang Qinghua.)

As for Liu Qingge and Mobei-jun meeting up and the resulting shenanigans as all three of these goofs get up to as they try to match-make for a sect leader and once-demon emperor? I think I’ll put that in another post at a later time - this one’s already gotten pretty long!

Thanks for the ask!

[there-will-be-a-way]

Guess who went to their local psych ward today? It's me 💁🏻‍♂️ This boy's seeking the help he deserves.

They didn't have any capacity rn though and since I'm not suicidal, they sent me home. But they got me a letter so that I can come back tomorrow or on Wednesday. Part of me wants to say I'll just take the option of being put on the waiting list so that I can make things worse in the meantime to "really be deserving of help".

I already packed my bag though so that I can go at any time. It was kind of reassuring that they said the only option would be to put me in the addiction ward. That made things real for me - yet on the other hand some portion of me still thinks I have no problem.

The docs were super cool about me being trans too. Didn't made a big deal out of it. Just asked me for my pronouns. They were really kind and helpful in general.

When waiting for the docs I said to my social worker, "If they don't have a bed for me, I'll just surrender to my fate and accept it." She took some time and said she doesn't see any other option than for me to just keep on drinking until I get help. Asked me to please not go cold turkey on my own.

The appointment at the place that helps victims of violence the guy was really nice as well.

It's strange how often people ask me how I'm even handling everything I have to carry and handle. My past. The conflicts of the present. And how I've been carrying it all by myself for so long.

The thing I get told the most is that I'm strong. "I don't think I am", I say. "I'm just doing what has to be done. There's no other way."

And the guy I had the appointment with said, "There is. You could have thrown yourself in front of a train. Many people do."

"That's not an option for me", I said.

It isn't.

It isn't.

[cervicrazed]

Tagged again by @fvriva ! Aren't I popular

The game this time is to shuffle your On Repeat playlist & pick 10 of the randomized outcomes (gulp)

1) LADY GAGA - Peso Pluma, Gabito Ballesteros, Junior H -> Been trying to listen to more music in my target language & this one has those bittersweet melodies that hit just right. Perfect for evening yearning

2) Master of None - Beach House -> oughh I love beach house...always puts me in my feelings & this song is no different. Using it as character inspo

3) No Facade - Carter Ace -> one of my favorite artists rn tbh. Hard to pin down his genre but it's somewhere between neo-soul & indie rap (if that makes any sense??)

4) i - Kendrick Lamar -> Self Confidence Anthem for me. I listen to this song whenever I need to replace self loathing w/ self love!

5) Deep Conversations - Khary -> Go-to smoking song during the twilight hours. "Isn't that kinda on the nose?" You may ask. I do not reply bc I can't hear u over the song

6) Drink - Destroy Boys -> Destroy Boys is a huugee guilty pleasure band for me. Nothing wrong w/ em (to my knowledge), it's just very poignant sapphic grunge & being transmasc I sometimes feel like it shouldn't resonate w/ me as much as it does (still blast it whenever the songs come on, dysphoria be damned)

7) The Perfect Girl (Instrumental) - Mareux -> I have only ever heard the instrumental & true fans can die mad ab it. Stuck this on loop while writing up story drafts at night. Idk somethin ab the spacey melody just puts me in a mood to write

8) sever the blight - hemlocke springs -> fans of my blog (that is to say, my friends) will recognize this song instantly. What more needs to be said? It goes hard as fuck

9) KRUSH ALERT - shonci, HR -> saw this guy on Instagram make a phonk song out of Colombia's emergency alert system & thought it was a banger so I immediately saved it. Listen to it when I draw fucked up body horror creatures

10) 16 - Baby Keem -> this is 100% a spiderverse song to me. If I slipped this song into the album would u even notice. I bet u wouldn't

Tagging:

@hawthorneee @duckdotcom @rootintootingoosin @psygull

Participation optional as always! (+ you can always lmk if you no longer wish to be tagged!)

[mosquito-queen]

could you write out the scene where nancy and robin are chilling with dionysus trying to find a way to get to the underworld n nancy cant handle her wine

cue ‘better get ur wife home’

sooo this is the end of a chapter? that's sitting at 2000 words rn but is taking forever to write....

Robin's thoughts twisted and squirreled away from her. The sweet stick of wine fogged the space in her head behind her eyes. Dionysus was smiling like he had won something, like he was toying with something. He was playing them. Robin's brain stuttered like a river: choppy, sloshing, spilling. Shame burned her cheeks. Of course, Nancy could stay composed from drinking; she was a priestess! It was the God, bending the wine to his will. He thought Nancy had the fairer shot of besting his tasks. She glanced at Nancy's face, her cheek flush against Robin's thigh, curls slick from the sweat on her face. The fit of loss quelled as she moved her fingers to smooth out Nancy's hair.

No, it wasn't over. Robin fought through the settling haze. She would figure this out; there was no other option. Her inclination was to answer Dionysus's riddle with the name of his brother, Apollo, in the same way she might say Steve. There was something more though to his puzzle that told Robin to find a different solution. She was pulled from her thoughts when Nancy brushed her nose ever so softly against Robin's leg, sighing into her drunken sleep. The fondness in Robin's chest hardened her resolve. She wasn't Nancy, but she was just as capable of solving this final puzzle. The God knew it too, or he wouldn't be spiking the wine in her blood.

"Go ahead and give up. I'm doing you a favor," There's something genuine in Dionysus's tone that kept her anger from bubbling up. He quirked his lips, tapping two fingers on his temple before tipping them towards Robin, "A word to the wise, Athena always has her own motive."

Robin frowned at his warning and let her gaze rest on the sleeping girl in her lap. Nancy's injured arm was slack in its sling, the bandages speckled with dry blood from the day's exertion. Robin knew under those wrappings were gruesome gouges bound by catgut. What other business did Athena have with her priestess? Something heated and poignant needled Robin's stomach as her mouth turned sour. She would protect Nancy in this life and the next. Gods be damned.

Realization dawned.

"Ariadne!" Robin blurted, slapping her hands on the table. Her wine cup sloshed at the impact, spilling rivulets down the table, and spattering near Nancy's face. The priestess was scowling, jolted up on her good arm and glaring incredulously at the grinning girl. In her joy, Robin could almost kiss her. Instead, she gave Nancy an apologetic smile, lowering her hands and turning her attention back to the God, "Sorry, sorry. It's Ariadne, isn't it? That's the answer."

There was surprise quickly dissipating in Dionysus's eyes. He nodded, watching as Nancy gave a last pointed look at Robin before resting her head back in her lap. A fond smile chased away the remnants of surprise and he accepted his defeat, "Isn't it always the name of our wife that is the answer?"

Robin stuttered, her face burning red. She wanted to say it wasn't that way; she wanted to correct the God. However, Nancy was pressed so sweetly into her lap, her breath hot and eyelashes fluttering closed again. The denial never made it past her heart.

"The nymphs tell me you have a voice reminiscent of poor Orpheus. Sing me a song then of my beloved," He shoved his well-loved lyre into her hands, "and I will tell you the way to the Underworld."

[ravenbloodshot]

Lee Jung Jae and Jung Woosung relationship dynamic

Dynamic:

These two rough house a lot, maybe even physically sparring for fun. I wouldn't be surprised if they work out together as well, but I'm seeing that the way they play around is quite rough, tough and an outsider might even think they hate each other (they don't, that's just how they are)

These two connection is very childish and sorta light hearted at times but also immature/petty at other times. Like when they fight, it can get really DIRTY (cursing each other out, hanging up the phone mid conversation, physically fighting as well). But it's like it doesn't take long before their both back friendly again, but their definition of friendly isn't the same as everybody else(it's pulling pranks on each other, cursing each other, just plain shit talking)

I do think they both share similar mindsets, goals, and passions. They both even may relate to having a similar come up and bond often about it

They could share the same religious beliefs and ideologies (even when it comes to marriage/dating). Could both go to the same church, reside in the same community so they see each other often

Like I said. They have a similar origin story that could have a lot past traumas, especially in regards to family. Both could have had parents that abandoned them or just unreliable family

Jung jae view of Woosung:

Jung Jae sees him as very manly and competent. But a man that puts too much pressure on himself, almost a toxic mindset of "I'm the only one who cares about me so I must do for me even at the cost of myself" . This belief stems from some childhood trauma and other past bad experiences.

Jung Jae thinks he overworks himself to an unhealthy amount and can be too egotistical/prideful about asking for help. Asking for help/assistance could be Woosungs biggest kryptonite and fear

Lee jung jae thinks of him as very fatherly, gives good advice and is very supportive. But sees him as a man that had to teach himself how to be a man due to a lack of a father figure in his life (so jung jae admires this about him)

In romance: jung jae thinks woosung deals with a lot of heart break either from a recent break up or past one (likely past) and rn he's putting his focus in himself and work. Thinks he's a workaholic, that purposely doesn't leave enough time for love

Woosung view of Jung jae:

Woosung thinks he holds a lot negative mindsets and thoughts. Can be close minded at times and woosung could feel the need to open his mind. Woosung thinks jung jae is possessive and controlling, may expect his love/care/money ect... to be returned back to him if giving out to others. Basically his help/love comes at a price.

Thinks jung jae ignores others boundaries a lot and can have a problem of putting himself in other people's shoes (inconsiderate)

Woosung also thinks of jung jae as fatherly and manly. Like a man that takes care of business and doesn't leave a stone unturned or a bill unpaid (bills in general but also he treats others when eating out/drinking as well). I'm getting sugar daddy vibes.

Woosung thinks he's very trustworthy, not one to betray nor reveal secrets. Woosung feels like he can say whatever to Jung jae and he wouldn't judge him

In romance: Woosung thinks he's very strategic and laid-back when deciding a partner and although jung jae has many options he's careful with who he entertains. Woosung may think he's searching for "the one" at the moment so he's removing sex from any connection he's partaking in so he can stay focus

Candy in my ear by Baek Ji Young is a song that fits this readings energy